, 1892-03-02

What wonder, then, that the very thing
that should draw closer the married pair
often hopelessly divides them? At this
point, too, You need to be wise, for
though your heart may be full at pres
ent, your duty no less than your desire
is to keep both husband and child.
Now, to be sure, the baby is all yours;
he lives in your life: he is a part of you.
Nothing on earth is so deep, so sweet
and so satisfactory as your love for him.
But you must not forget that he, too, is
an independent soul, that the day will
come-all too soon-when he will strike
out for himself; when, if you have not
been ~judicious, he may eve come to
despise you-a heartbreaking but a not
uncommon experience.
In a long and close study of mothers
| have noticed not only hat the baby
makes a great change in the household,
but that his coming affects the mother
in one of four ways. | want therefore
to set up four guideposts as warnings
in your path. The first way that opens
before you, and the most tempting, is to
become all mother. Baby is to you the
one important object in the world; you
forget that he is not the same to others.
Everything in the whole establishment
fits itself to the tune Of the infant; if he
sleeps, the household must go about on
tiptoe; il he wakes at night, every one
must be reused; the temperature must
suit his needs; he must be brought into
the parlor and absorb the attention and
the talk of visitors; his first smile, his
first word are hardly less than miracles.
A mother who adopts this plan be-
comes ~preoccupied, absorbed in her
motherhood. 1t is easy to see how this
comes between husband and wife like a
dividing wall. The husband comes
home, probably tired, and finds what?
Rest and refreshments Alas, no.; only a
nurse, a fussy mother and a baby who,
dear as he may be, gets after awhile to
be Gt must be said) something of n bore,
with his multifarious needs and his I'M
limited capacity for tears. Gradually
the husband stays away longer, he drifts
back to his club, he steps out after lin
ner and perhaps comes home at mid
night.
You observe and lament, but instead
of seeing your mistake and setting your
self ut once to remedy it, you turn to
baby for consolation. He has never dis
appointed you: he loves you above all;
he is your comfort. True now, dear
mother, but it will not be so always.
With every succeeding child this breach
widens; you having become a mother
only, your husband finds no companion
ship at home and gets quite accustomed
to seek it elsewhere. Your mutual in
terests die out; your influence upon each
other is greatly weakened or destroyed.
You have still a ''provider," a protect
or" but you have lost your husband.
The second way that lies before you
when baby comes is exactly the reverse
of this; it is to sacrifice the baby to the
husband, to remain wife and develop
hardly at all the mother side of your ma
ture. In this case the child is placed in
the hands of a nurse. Day and night
poor thingl-he is kept in the nursery.
He seldom sees mamma; still more sell
dom papa. If he survive the perils of
infancy without a mother-and he may,
for babies endure much and live-he
will give his love to his nurse, and per
haps when he arrives at manhood may,
as a popular writer of our time has
done, dedicate his book to his nurse, not
to his mother. He will be quite right
the only mother he had was his for
money.
The poor little motherless soul moves
ones deepest pity, especially if he is
taught to speak in a foreign language
and thus defrauded of his mother tongue
as well. Such deserted babies are not
uncommon among people to whom $50
ciety'' is life. But whatever the baby
loses by this, the mother loses far more.
To begin with, she has shirked the plain
est duty aver laid upon her; she has neg
lected to do for her own child what no
human being but herself can properly
do. Then she has lost the very sweetest
experience life can give her. Finally,
she has failed to make a home for her
children, to whom, eve more than to
her husband, she owes a home. This is
q failure even worse than the former.
The third path is not so easy and not
always successfully followed, but | have
seen it in operation and resulting in an
indissolubly united family. 1t is to in
terest the father in the details of baby
life as the mother is interested, gradu-
ally draw him in to do for the baby, till
he gets to take as eager delight in the
baby's bath, the first tooth, ETC.. as the
| mOIutT ntTStll. WIN SOLle uuSDdlluS,
of course, this would be impossible, but
when it can be done it makes a family
delightful to itself, but, it must be ad,
mitted, a terror to outsiders. The whole
house becomes a nursery. Baby's socks
ornament the piano, baby's carriage
blocks the way, teething rings adorn the
center table, and in fact it is a com
pletely baby ridden establishment.
Neither down this path can | advise you
to go, though it is much more desirable
than either of the preceding.
The fourth path is the way of wisdom,
1t is to get in the beginning the best pos
sible helpi in the care of baby-the most
precious thing in the house. 1t is aston
ishing how mothers will dare trust ba'
bies to young, ignorant, even stupid
Girls. 1t seems not to occur to them