Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-05-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


An old salt-Epsom.
A cut and dried affair-Hay.
Hungers for fame-The forty-day
faster.
Motto for dictionary of proverbs
sold saws filed here. Truth.
A boot and shoe trust is corporation
with sole.-New York Journal.
There is one brauch of labor which
must always be done by hand-Picking
pockets.
A man is as old as he feels, but not
always as big, not by a heap.-Indiau-
apolis Journal.
"Faith" was described by an Ohio
boy as ''expectin' something ye amt
goin' to git."-Columbus Post.
A "statement that you won't wash'
can't be trusted to the dampened tissue
of the official letter -book.-Puck.
A merchant may drive fast horse,
but he never objects to taking other
peoples dust.-Binghamton Republican.
Maud--"What a terrible thing drown
ing Isl" Mabel-"Yes; it would just
kin me to die that way."-Harvard
Lampoon.
"Tcn lifetimes," says writer, "will
not suffice to solve the enigma, woman"
Indeed that is so; and yet we must not
Judge.
,nvince a girl by arguing
that MA. - not an angel. The only
way to convince her is to let her marry
him.-Atchison Globe.
The expert has become so necessary a
part of our civilization that nothing is
certain but death, and that is in doubt
until after the funeral.-Judge.
How does love take the life out of a
mani But then man can't be expected
to have much pluck after he has given
away his heart.-Boston Transcript.
Possibly one reason why men who talk
loudly seem so generally successful is
that they can't be easily disturbed in
their occupation. Washington Star.
Shakespeare speaks of sermons in the
stones. Now understand why women
pay SO much attention to one another's
Jewels when in church.-New York
Herald.
az never thought you were the sort of
man to get married" "No; but you see
I 60 about good deal, and I found it
necessary to have some one to leave cards
for me. Fun.
Miss Vassar-''Do you know, Mr..
Blank always carries u note book in
which to put down any bright remark
he hears" Miss Smith-''Why, know
him very well, and never saw it,
Yale Record.
Every time Miss Amanda, whose
understanding is tomewhat large, stops
at hotel, she cleans her own shoes and
sets outside the door small pair, which
she carries with her expressly for that
urpose.-Fliegendo Blaetter.
A police officer met sarcastic organ
grinder on the street and SAID: "Have
you license to playl II not, you must
accompany me-" "with pleasure, an-
swcred the street musician. "What will
you singf-Providcnc Telegram.
Physician-"You owed me another
little bill, Mr.. Judkins, which I can't
remember your having paid" Mr.. Jud-
kins-"Well, don't grrmble at mo about
II. l am not responsible for your bad
memory, am li"-Pharmseeutical Era.
Prisoner at tho bar, the
court has assigned counsel to defend
you.' Prisoner with a glance at the
eounsell-''Is dat my lawyer. yer
honori" Judge Prisoner
"Den pleads guilty."-Brooklyn Life.
"well, Uncle 81, you are prophet;
tell me what Is the weather prospect for
tomorrow "Yell hev ter excuse me
ter-day. sir, I'm too busy to tell ye. Call
around LAY after to, morrow, aud IN give
YOU all the Information you want about
tomorrow. .'-IIarpers nazar.
Doetor-''If your husbands . hleeoughs
don't stop very soon, madam, he'll bo a
dead man. There Il only ono thing 10
be done. lie must be startled out OF
them. Can you suggest any wayi" Anx-
lous Wife gthouahtiullyl-''I might tell /.
him thai had decided not 10 order that
new silk dress. Cloak Iseview.
Young Medical Man--"rhank good.
nesa, have pulle,l ,hroagh my exams
al last. IL Is horrible u think Of al the
hard weFk haze had u 20 through
these laal -four years" Elderly rFacti.
tloneF-"Well, ny dear eallsanue. there
l. one consolation; you waat have any
thing 10 DO iog leag, long while now."
DER floh,
"neaF, deaslh sali : klnd hearted
maiFon "a meeting friend wham chs
hnd not seeu laF long time s'and
sou pai Ssi marslei, Jane : Al your
guod lpaks sools "No, ia not mar.
Eied Yel, " replied Jane, With laugh.
"Nell, sald laue. wllh twlakla III
heF vye. Il ekpeel d : heoanss | aas