Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-02-14

by the glow of the parlor fire, in the dim
religious light of lamp that turned down.
What you call courting," he declared,
| rs senseless twaddle, disgusting and nau-
seating to man or woman, of sense. And
fully one-half of his congregation, who had
sense enough to call him to be their pastor
and he was good man, and sensible
man, save when on this one idea, whereon
| he was hopeless lunatic-fully one-half OF
his congregation liked it. Not his sermon,
but the "twaddle' he was denouncing. And
the other half used to like it. If there had
been baptistry in the church would have
assisted the sexton to hold the mans head
under water about the length of his sermon
But 1t was paedo-Baptist church and there
wasn't enough water in it to perform the
cure, so we had TO let him go on, which he
did. He wanted people "to use their brains
and have their wits about them; their judg-
ment cool and their eyes wide open. 'he said,
when they went courting."
In the Market Place.
All, well beloved, that's what we do when
we go to buy horse; that's the time to
Keep your head cool and your eyes wide
open. That's the time for shrewdness and
cunning and sharpness. And if man is
going to buy a wife-if he is going to pay
spot cash for her and get receipt in full,
why, then, the parson was right. But does
man fall in love with his head? What
has fellows brains to do with the selec-
tlon of sweetheart?
Out on such foolishness! Why, to look
at the wives some men-heavy accent on the
'some"-some men whom we know have
won, the fellow with the fewest brains al
ways gets the best wife. You ask your wife
II that isn't So She'll say yes. And the
fellow who got the girl whom you wanted
the worst way, won't you make an affidavit
that he hasn't sense enough to 60 in when
it rains? Indeed you will. And we can
prove by your letters to her that she was
the gem OF womanhood; in beauty, in
intellect, in all the qualities Of mind
and heart that go to the endowment
OF perfect woman, she stood alone among
her envying sisters. You said that your
self, and swore TO it with lovers oaths.
And just look at the loon she married. So
what's the use of talking about falling in
good TOR much, anyhow, until they are
fried.
A Matter Of Finance.
see by the reliable palladium of the peo-
Piles liberties, the free and untrammeled
press, that a man died in New York few,
weeks ago, at the age of 72, worth S7,O0O,-
000 That is, he was worth that much just
before he died. I don't suppose he would
fetch more than S25 now. What is remark
able about this case is that all the pap, rs
speak in the highest terms of his rare abilI-
ties as financier and mansof business
Now, L don't know about that. Nobody
ever praised my commercial genius; not
where l could hear the hattery, at any rate.
l have even been pitied-which is mild
form of contempt, kindly expressed by peo-
pie whom you consider far beneath you
because it was charged against me that
neither knew how to earn nor keep dollar
And yet am willing to put up dollars to
doughnuts that in one-half the time this
merchant lived 1 could have spent his
seven millions without a struggle That's
what I call financiering. This man died
could neither take with him nor dispose of
as he wished. You say, "But just see what
he left to his children" Yes, that's just
what they will get-left. According to the
latest accounts, they are liable to get about
$500 apiece. 1 am no 6nancier, nor COM
mercial Napoleon, but can do as well as
that, at thousand times less expense. 1
can't see anything particularly brilliant in
my deceased neighbor's methods. When 1
die-and, simply tor your sakes, hope the
day may be fer, far away; I'm sure I don't
see how you are going to get along without
me- may not, in all probability I will
not, have three, possibly not more than two,
millions to leave you; but what have at
that time the lawyers won'tget (Notabene:
They've got it now; that's the reason
won't leave any.)
Teaching Children to Hoard.
But 1 don't believe a great deal in the
principle of boarding. I think 1t is bad
thing to give children little money banks
and teach them that it is wrong to spend
money, but right to save it, and put it away