Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-01-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A rousing speech-"Get up!"
The best thing out-An aching tooth.
Onions form large percentage of too
many dinners.
The dust has been laid. Its name is
mud.-Picayu.e.
A man goes to law to get justice or
to keep it from some other fellow.
The bill-postcr knows his place, and
there he sticks. I'eLegran,
The American hog is a success. He
has often been "tried. p Columbus Post.
All who invest in good deeds will be
cutting coupons in the sweet by and by.
Only very selfish man or woman can
have the blues persistently. Louis
Republic.
The wharf builder is man who is
pretty sure 10 be tried by his PIERS
LOooeU Courier.
There's pitch in the voice, and that's
why some singers notes stick Pitts
bury Dispatch.
When there is work to be done the
buzz saw is always willing to take
The anaconda who tried to swallow
itself should have credit for being a
self-contained animal.
A Boston boy recently defined a we'd
ding as nothing but a prayer meeting
with sociable after 1t.
Why is buttermilk like something that
has never happened. Because it hasn't
curd.- Teas Sy1ings.
Young people in the country are not
so slow. They often make love at a rat
tling gate. -.StoteSman
She--"The man marry must be hand
some, brave and clever" He-"How
fortunate we have metn'
The sluggard who goes to his aunt and
gets nothing is forced to deal with his
uncle.-PittSburg Dispatch.
The watch that is placed over the peo-
pies interest at the polls must not be
repeater.-.St. Louis Republic.
It's bad enough to bite off more than
you can chew, but it's worse to try to
chew it.-Detroit Free Press.
We should like to see the man who
would make no bones of eating a fresh
mackerel.-Nep York Mercury.
"You're a dead loss to yourself" is the
latest sarcastic way of telling man he
is no good.-PhiladeLphja Record.
Man is a good deal like fish. You
know the fish would never get in very
serious trouble if it kept its mouth shut.
OF love and naught else would he chatter;
He would often persist till near dawn.
At first twas "A truce to this matterw
A trousseau it was later on.
Judge.
She-"Tell me what difference is
there between ready made tie and one
you tie yourself?" He-.'About au
hour. ."--Ne,o York Meas.
"What did you get for your
birthday9 GA watch-chain." "Where
is it2 Let's see it," ''Can't. It's with
the watch. "-Haruard Lampoon.
The people shout, the bands all play.
And louder every minute,
The bass drum has all things its way;
The ear drum isn't sin it."
philadelphia Press.
s'Did you run for office the other daya"
asked Spriggins of defeated candidate.
"No," said the candidate, sadly, HI
walked. The other fellow ran. ."-!Somer-
Cile Journal.
~ am of very sympathetic DISPOSE
tion," said N. Peck. "Whenever come
home and find my wife with nervous
headache / am sure to catch it. ."-In3iaa-
apolis Journal.
Singleton-"I am suffering dreadful
ly; cutting my wisdom teeth, you
Know" Doubeup-"Don't say. / didn't
cut mine till after was married. ."-Kats
Fields lVashingto,,.
'You needn't open your mouth so
wide" the dentist remarked; II shall
stand outside" And then he was shocked
at the back talks flow that came with
the tooth when the roots ''let CO."
She-''Am not clever, dear2 1 have
just given the porter twenty-five cents
not to light the lamps when we go
through the tunnel" He-Yes, dear.
Butt had already given him half a dollar
for the same thing. ."-BrOoklyn Lite.
''Do you think you, could tell the
difference between a klcptomaniac and
shoplifter?" "That's easy," said the
would-be tloor-walker. 1.-THE shoplifter
is unable to pay double price forthe
goods, if detected. "-Lndianapolis Jour
nal.