The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1892-01-24
The Plutocrats and the shnvcling.

| lnc real reuSOn TOT tne SluNiuS Va 'AoS
| pat. an event better known In the annals OF
politics and tho science Of tho beautiful as
| the Unwilling OF Col. JoNEs's Cheek. has
| just been discovered. Ever since Col. JONES
emigrated to st. Louis from tho Seminole
country no has been watching the Pluto
Gratis. This dcplorable class OF public enc.
mics consists. as far as can DO made out
from the phantasmagorical whoop-la OF the
Coloncl's icreminds. of persons OF means
To tho grave misfortune Of the Eastern
States. very many OF these persons have
their local habitation therein. They are
responsible. in tho opinion OF Col. JONES'
who is a thinker Of great promise for the
civil war. tho tariff. tho unsubstantial char
acter Of rainbows. and the falling off In the
demand for stuffing. Col. JONES Is so
nvcrse to the Plutocrats that he has long
insisted upon divorcing New York from the
Democratic party. and. II necessary. from
tho Union. He has horrible visions OF the
Plutocrats. He secs their hated presence
everywhere since he has submitted his
whiskers to excelsior: and that submission
was for no other purpose than that he
might see clearly. with no intervening
veil Of capillary growth. the designs OF
these pestilont fellows.
If he had not sacrificed those joys and or
naments Of his countenance, how could he
have seen what he now sees? How could
he have known that the Plutocrats are
trying to force the United States into war
with Chilli for the purpose Of causing big
bill OF expenses and postpon!ng the smash
ing Of the tariff Nobody elso has seen
these sights. and the Plutocrats themselves
don't know this latest nefarious design Of
theirs. A few weeks ago JONES couldn't
have seen clearly over his whiskers. and
the plot would have escaped him. Thus the
loss OF his whiskers was the salvation Of the
commonwealth. and JosEs's fellow citizens.
IL they have any proper sense Of gratitude.
will beg hair Of those patriotic wrappers
OF his for memory. and dying bequeath it
as rich legacy unto their issue.
JONES has exposed. and now he denounces.
He warns the Plutocrats who are trying to
bring about war with Chill that after the
innocent Gillian blood has been shed their
own must follow It. Col. JONES. even with
out the beard Of HERCULES, is as stern as
necessity and as implacable as Corsican Of
melodrama. You hear him:
handful Of people. Perhaps II they enslaved and
oppressed by they might finally become 1T
freedom. but that Is no affair of the United States
What the American people have TO look at 10 the effect
Of war on themselves. And they curiousy blind
who cannot or will not see that this country does
get away from its civil basis Of politics to
peace basis tho Issue between the Plutocracy and the
Of the country will have bloody settle
ment. not between sections in war; between
classes as in the French Revolution.
n sI,n Dl,tDn
try to perpetuate their oppression Of tho American
people by forcing the American people become their
persuasion nor warning will influence them. II they
insist war. they will get It, and get their deserts
The Plutocrats cannot complain that they
haven't received sufficient notice. We ad-
wise them to unplutocratize themselves at
once. Col. JONES will not be trified with,
He is not to be intimidated by Plutocratic
threats nor bought by Plutocratic gold.
Pale. since his shaving. but resolute. he
awaits the answer OF the oppressors. Tit
Is not satisfactory. he will give the word,
and the phlebotomizing of the Plutocrats
will begin before they can say Club JONES'"
Red Indians and Tartars and Mongolians Of
desperate ferocity wear no whiskers. Mon
sieur BoNAPARTE and Col. JONES have
shown that no exterior semblance Of prov
ess Is necessary to conQueror. JONES has
thrown away the whiskers and tho scab-
bard. Plutocrats. beware!
And the joke OF 1t Is that JONES IL trying
all the time to become Plutocrat himself.