The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1892-06-26
DODGE THE COLLECTORS.
uovrue uoYswAKB AsoIEyoEoTIr
vono~ Man Are Prone TO Get In Debt, Only
TO Repent 1.-THE Woes OF the NAN OF
the Bill. Bsok-A Hard Life'

lie had lust left the counter OF soua-"stsi
a;soonssrv and was complacently picking a
fsw isolated icebergs out OF several cavities
NJ sntsrrooatory, Why" brought him
~ % The cares and troubles of this unfeeI-
ing world. and he SAID: .ook g., on
idea several days ago that II Would DC n me-
class place for a fellow that owen HIauy DilI a,
You see it's this way WIN me. OnT gy'
ebout $50 a month. and when you pay DOaro,
washing laundry bill and barber-shoP tickets
The remainder isn't enough for vanderbilt 70
snend in sausages at COnev Island but Win
that residuum you have got 10 buy pIopeI ma
biliments shoes, ties, hats csnuy ioi '-aiI 'a
nicnic tickets for Editha, ice-cream lot LenoIa
aud a few glasses OF fosmy fluid Tor Yourse4i'
NOT 80 EASY.
ct. oil saerns easy until you try it. and just
in the middle OF the month, When the
cashier has gone 10 see a sick aunt and the
nook keeper wouldn't let you have cent Tor
ANYTHING save doctors prescription, you re-
ceive q square envelope with lot OF perpeh-
dicular ink scratches all over II, aud you aoou
realize that Marie wants you 10 escort ner -
a lawn party at Mrs. BrOwnstOnes country
residence IN the Ginter boulevard. of
course You want 10 GO, and you sit among .
lot Of invoices and trade reports and wonder
what sort of costume you can get up 1oT me
occasion. First Of all, you need shoes, ana u
becomes q necessity 20 20 Up on Broad street
and hang somebody up for paiI. Ne1s.
new style of outing shirt IS what heeueo,
and Messrs Ascot a. FOurinhand nave 70
CHARGE You with about 81 worth Of goods.
'Nsxt week iaunt 10 Old Point or quiet
game OF draw some hot night IN the fourth
story room leaves finances IN worse SonS Il-
ton than ever, and when the month Is huaily
ended up by 'toot WIN the spo,eS 49,
is a perfect financial collapse ~ your money
market and a Is bill Ia as much stranger 70
vor as Miss LILLIAN Russell. You have seen
both, but know them not.
TIE popaIEG ACT.
Next month you amuse yourself dodging
collectors and telling them heartrendipg
tales of woe about the severe need You nadior
money. They pounce down on you az OH
hours OF the day, pronounce your name ID
loud. clear companion-sort OF tone ana
the cashier. book-keeper and boss look
at Won with serious countenances and sundrY
shakes Of their heads The gentleman who
handles the cash makes some mon0syllpio
remarks in an undeTtone about a fast lite tina
head booker laconically says few lines about
living beyond incomes the shipping clerk
sohlouuizes about butterfly Me ieaoing 20 q
hot place. the Office boy takes delight IN tell
ing the collector that you are IN and the por-
Ter watches your countenance with as much
interest as ne would take IN the seventh IN
ming Of baseball game The boss IN the
meantime scratches away with stub-pen
and be alone remains silent. You imagine.
however, that his thinking powers nave gone
10 work with whirligig prOpensltes. and you
end the drama by telling the polite chirpy
cheerful collector 20 drop around again later
in tho month.
TO AVOID 1T ALL.
You thus see the reasons why ask about
that tower room. / was up IN your building
a few DAYS ago and noticed that the
steps up there are cut of from the Dal-
anee Of the building, end at once imagined
that II would lie cut of sight for fellow that
bad about ton able bodied collectors chasing
him about With the eagerness certain winged
creatures 20 after flowers. Couldn't febt ~
Well. I'm sorry. bat Will worry along till WIN
ter. Il by next summer you all desire 70 rent
IL out give me the refusal. Have lmeade
No? Well, so long, old man. Come In and
see us.
And thus he left me-
II was only q few moments later and had
lust inbibed lot OF fresh knowledgeTrom
the Chicago Convention when the fashiona0ly-
attired collector for Ascot a. FOurinhand came
along. / had paid my bill few days pre-
viously, so greeted him cordially.
How is this collecting business, old man
Do You have many fellows 30 dodge you
Dodge me-" said the youth. daintily
oaressing a Virginia Bright and lighting H..
Why some Of the men IN TINS town are 30
practced in the art of lodging that If q war
would break out they could dodge everything
from mimic ball to a ten-pOund gunshot.
DOdging why, my boy. some OF the clerks IN
insurance offices, real estate shops and COM
mission stores have got the thing right down
e a science. Then If you catch EN- they will
tell you d tale of woe that viii brlpg tears 20
your eyes like drops from "A water cart and
stony hearted indeed must be the collector
who is not Affected by those stories.
TO LEARN HIS MEN.
The new collector has q mighty heyd time
of il. You soc, he has first 20 learn his men,
and In many cases the men know him first.
lie will 90 into an Office and ask for Dir.
Jones That individual will be making up a
trial balance but as soon as his name Is pro-
nOunced will look up realize the situation.
see in n second that ShOeail Russell have a
new collector and Immediately volunteer tho
information that Mr.. Jones has gone 10 New
~ rk on business for the firm. When viii he
be back = asks the collector. 'Uout know,
some weeks says the trial balance man. and
the collector is scarcely outside the door be-
fore Jones goes behind tie safe. laughs
laugh Of considerable gleesOmeness. and
there is fun enough Ia that Office for the next
few moments to stock U comedy company.
There is an Office in one OF the big build
ings down town that is terror 10 any col
lector. About ten young men are employed
there. and the,place issubdiWded into four Of
fees These are connected with partitions aud
ground glass doors. and there Is only one en-
trance at least 20 the general public Con-
Meeting one of the rooms Il q tire escape and
the room below IS used by the same company.
consequently the ten young men up stairs
and the SIX men down stairs know each other.
Tho top floor contingent are O happy fun
loving set, movers IN the social swim, and
popular fellows every one OF them. They
receive invitations every week 10 receptions.
outings dances and affairs OF that sort. and
II takes pretty big pile Of coin 10 pay ex-
penses especially when so much ready money
is needed at those affairs.
A BKEEFIT SOCIETY.
well. the ten upstairs, and II isn't any
Kings Daughter ten. either have formed a
mutual benefit society or a protection against
collectors and the way they can keen from
paying bill Is aceuton % every retail dealer
in the universe. For an instance. / may have
q bill against Mr.. Wldepants and tho ELEVATOR
isn't running that day. I'll 90 10 the tele-
phone somewhere In the neighb0rhOod and
ask # Mr.. Widepants is in the ONCE. Who
wants 10 speak 10 himP says the man al
the phone. Johnson. collector for Ascot a.
fourinhand. / reply. The man az the 'phone
will then tell Widepants and he will saw ha is
out of town and won't DO back for week
His friend az the phone will deliver the mes-
sage, and l can do nothing with the bill FOR a
week. might see Nidepants on the street
the next day but the street Is not the place 10
do business. and If / would approach him
there. bis custom. which is a good deai. would