The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-03-17
rHe REFRACTORY sTcvEPspE.
How : Nan, As~lstei ~ HIs Wife. Places
Ii IN Position.

The REFRACTORY sTCvEPsPE
nov ! Kan, Asalrtei ~ ma Wife. Places
II in Position.
A reporter for the Inter Ocean has .
friend whom, for over twelve months,
he has avoided with as much assidufty
Is he would the scarlet fewer or the
yellow jack.
About year ago the friend referred
to 2 t married and has since been the
incarnation of boredom to all his ac-
quaintances. He talks of nothing but
his wife and the pleasures OF domes-
ITCHY.
Retribution, though slow, has been
sure in his case, however. Thanksgiv-
ing eve he met the reporter and mar
rated the following marital experience.
The reporter was so pleased with the
recital that he granted plenary abso-
luton Of all the sins Of the newly mar
ried bore, and promised to dine with
him when an engagement could not be
had else where
Putting up stove that you have
taken down to clean Is not SO difficult
initself," he remarked slowly. as If he
were struggling mentally to resolve
some knotty problem. ut is the pipe
that raises four ffths~of the mischief
and all tha dust You may take down
stove with all the care in the world,
and yet that pipe won't come together
as it was before You find this out
when you are standing on chair with
your arms full Of pipe and your mouth
full of SCOT Your vile is standi 1g on
the floor in position that enables her
to see you, the pipe AMI the chair, and
here she gives utterance to remarks
that,are calculated to hasten man in
to the extremes of insanity.
Her dress is pinned over her waist
She has got one of your hats on her
head, and your linen coat on her back
There is about twopennywort of black
lead on her nose, and lot of -four on
her chin. and altogether she is aspecta-
Gle tuat would inspire dead man with
distrust
And while you are up there trying
to circumvent the awful contrariness of
the pipe, and sa ing that you know
that some stupid has been med ling
with it. she stands safely on the floor
and bombards GU with such domestic
notices as: You know no one has
touched that. pipe. You haven't got
any more patience than child. Do be
careful of that chair.
s'And then she goes off and reappears
with an arnfut more of pipe and before
YOU are aw are of it she has got that
pipe so horribly mixed up that it does
seem as II no two pieces are alike.
"You 10 the ends and work them
to and fro, and to and fro again, and
then you take them apart and look at
them. Then you snread one out and
jam the other together, and mount
them once more But it is n go. You
begin to ,hink the pieces are inspired
with life and ache to kick them through
the window.
"But she doesn't lose her patience.
She goes alb nut with length of pipe
under each arm and a 10 lg-hand ed
broom in her hand and says she doesn't
see how it is some people never have
any troable putin, up stove Then
you miss the hammer. Y ~ don't see
a,ong the mantle, and down the stove.
and off to the floor. Your wife watches
you, and is finally thoughtful enough
to inquire what you are 10 king after;
a d, o learning, pulls the article from
her pocket.
Then you feel as if you could go
out do rs and talk hole twelve feet
square through a block of buildings,
but she merely observes:
"'Why on earth don't you speak
when you want anything, and not
stare like dummy
when that part of the pipe which
goes through the wall is up, she keeps
it up with the broom while you are
making the connection, and stares at it
with an int asity that is entirely I'M
ca led for. All the while your position
is becoming more and more interesting
The pipe won't go together, of course.
The SCOT shakes down into your eyes
and mouth, a I'd it seems as If your arms
were slowly but surely coming out of
their sockets.
'Here your wife comes t , the rescue
by inquiring if you are going to be all
day doing nothing, and if You think her
arms are made of cast iron; and then
the broom slips off the pipe, and in her
endeavor to recover her hold she jabs
you under the chin with the handle.
and the pipe comes down on your head
with its load of fried SCOT, and then the
chair tilts forward enough t. discharge
your feet and you come down on the
wrong end of that chair with force
that would bankrupt pile-driver.
"You don't touch that stove again
You leave your wife examining the
chair and bemoaning its injuries, and
go into the kitchen and wasi your
skinned and bleeding hands with yell
low soap. Then you go down the
street after a man to do the business,
and your wife gees over to the neigh
bors with her chair. and tells them
about it's injuries, I'd drains the neigh
borhood dry with its sympathy long be-
fore you get home. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
GOOD MANNERS.
u