Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-12-01
TEA-TABLE SALAD.


DEFINITE. -Irate Caller-"Is the edi-
.or In {? Office Boy--"No." Caller
,,How, soon will he come imp Office
boy-As soon as you go out. "-Puck.
PHoToGRApHER-"Don't like your pic
lure Why, you couldn't have better
likeness" Sitter-"That's lust what's
the matter, confound ~ - Boston
Transcript.
MAID SERVANT PRO lessor, oh, Pro-
lessor, just think, have swallowed a
pm !! Absent-minded Professor
Never mind, here is another one. -
Flieqende Blatter.
IN THE Bones -Fortescue-'They are
still considering the possibility of hav-
ing grand opera this winter, but it will
probably be all talk" Bilyardcue-
rIhats what it was last winter.''-
Puck
On THE GRAND TouR.-stranger-
What is the fare to Interlaken ?"
Twenty francs.' Stranger
But Bladeker s,ys only II francs. ;,
Driver-"Oh, we'll, then let Badeker
drive you himself" Bnsler Nuchrichten.
TIE court had sentenced him to six
years III the pc nitentiary at hard labor
tor the crime of having three more
wives than the law allows. Think of
the sorrow, Judge" exclaimed the
prisoner, deeply moved. ''that this will
bring to four estimable families. CHI
cogo Tribune.
DEACON "Skipps, the CASH
Ter Of the Onderdonk County Bank,
ran away last night. They say he has
been robblng the bank for more than a
year." MIS-. Medders-"'Tbey might
have known that he was living beyond
his means. Why, JOSIAH his folks act
ually used to sit in their parlor every
night n'-Life.
WHEN ones wife follows him out to
the hatrack with her hand on his shout
der he inquiries lnvoluntarily, 'How
much do you want, my dear ?'-Dallas
NeWs.
WIILIAM-"Father, what becomes of
the crows during the winter season ?"
Father-'I have been told they go
South to look after the lost caws. '-Roch-
ester Democrat.
"YoU'RE the sleepiest- looking indi-
vidgal L ever saw" said Dick to the
seedy man on the corner. Eyes, even
my coat hasn't had nap in some
time" quoth ne.-Boston Post.
THE EASIEST WAY. -Clerk-"Y can
call him up on that telephone, if you
wish to talk to him." Stranger-"How
far is he from here" Clerk-"About
ten miles" Well, I'd rather
walk. "-Puck.
No NEED FOR HURRY.-Miss Hastings
(overtaking Miss SIowboy on the way to
church) Hurry, Title, or you'll be
late" "Miss Slowboy- There is no
hurry. dear. Let me introduce Mr..
Bellows, our organist. Puck.
A CRUEL INsINUATIoN. Miss Bond
clipper some of my jewelry
is missing! !" Bridget (who reads the
papers -''Sure, mum, you will not be
lntimating that it's a member Of the
E-~lish aristocracy that Oh am, ''-7eGos
.SYiings:
MEANS or SELT-DEsrRUCuoN.-M orbyd
[member of the Suicide Club have
sele cted strychnine." Gluemy (another
member)-''I have decided to use q
parallel" ga parallel? What's that?"
II don't know, but it's fatal. The
newspapers are always speaking OF the
deadly parallel. "-Puck.
AT THE INTELLIGENCE OrFICE.-Mrs.
Hunter--"l want good girl, and posi-
bly, you might do. Have you had any
experience ?" Domestic Importation
'Ixparence is it? Faith, and haven't
Oh been in no less than twinty families
WlJI1n Il mOnIH -DOStOb LfuftoCf tpt.
WHAT He OBJECTED To.-Mr. Short
weight dealer in coal - want you to
settle for that ton of coal you got few
DAYS ago. A man has to pay for what
he gets in this world.' Customer
You are right, sir. And when he
buvs coal he has to pay for lot he
doesn't get - Brooklgn Life.
IT'S no use for man to try and enjoy
looking at the priceless treasures OF an
art gallery when he has big hole In
the toe of his right stocking, and can
fell it while he is walking sround.-
Sonerrtle Journal.
Com CoMroRr-'What's the reason
YOU didn't speak to Jones when he
passed by p" HE insulted me the
other day" "What did lac say to YOU "'
.He called me an old ass" Called
YOU an old ass. How ridiculous
WHY, YOU are not old. "-1eros Sjflngs.
MEETING HER On HER Own GROUND
Landladv-''N this room has no tire,
but the last gentleman always lett his
door open, and said it was well-heated
from the hall" Room -hunter-"lt
won't do, then. / had u friend who
once occupied room heated from the
hall, and it was SO hot he got the brain
fever. /" (But the landlady had
tainted )-puck.