Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1892-07-21
EYENING RoHoEs.


pecunious friend-"No; always used
telescope" - Chicago Ne,rs
Quack you prefer me to DR.,
Bill?" Mrs. Mulligan-"0ch, indeed,
docther, dear, ye're dale better than
the other opld 'umbug. "-Horpor'S b.
sddr.
Fidgety Lady--"But what am / to
do? | can't ride with my back TO the
engine Sarcastic Youth Better
speak to the guard. He'll turn the train
round. TIT. Bits.
Young Babster is just learning Greek
and has nearly mastered the alphabet.
He said it was no wonder Homer was
blind If he had to read his own poetry
in such outlandish type
Mrs. Con Fiding--"Thesea are my new
diamonds, Bridget They are blue and
of the first water" Bridget 1aunderry
--"Shurc, mum, who ever heard Of blue
in the first water I"-jemelerS Weekly.
Mamma -"When that boy threw
stones at You, why didn't you come and
tell me, instead Of throwing them back?"
Little son.--"rell you Why, you
couldn't hit barn door."-Goo9 Meas.
In the Furniture Store. --Lady-What
has become Of those handsome side
boards you had when we called last?
Salesman (bdshful, yet gratified)--l'ye
shaved them off again, mss,--f'ick No
Up,
SIS Bronson as forgetful as ever?"
"More so. Why, that fellow has to
look himself mp in the Directory every
night before he goes home from bust
ness. Forgets his address. "-Harper'S
Bds6f.
"Murry Hill has cured his wife of
everlasting talking. How, for gracious
sake ?" "IIe told her that she looked
prettier with her mouth closed, and now
she can hardly be induced to utter a
syllable"
The Happy Father-You should be
ashamed to idle all the time. 1t is time
you were working. eginald-W Why,
fathah, | do wohk Don't | VOL my
own thiggawettes wegulahly.- VASE
ington Star,
A Masterly Defence. Mokeby -"IIow
did yo' come out on dat chicken stealin'
case?" ,Iohnson--"Allr right. Nah lawyer
proved dat de ledge didn't had no juris-
diction, cause il was his own chickens |
done stole W--Puch.
"What did Neighbob say when you
told him you wanted 70 marry his
refuse, but he imposed a very serious
condition" "What was III" Gle said
he would see me hanged first. Truth.
A yacht was in Bath u while ago
| named Psyche" A man upon the
wharf observing the name spelled it ont
and remarked well, may be obfusti-
Gated if that isn't the blankest way of
spelling fish | ever saw. "-Bdngor Cant
mercia.
so You have tramred all the way
from New York 2" "I es, sir. "Couldnt
you get employment thcre@ "No |
came pretty near having a place in a
Bowery restaurant" What prevented
you" 81 couldn't learn the language
| - Washington Star.
He You know | don't approve of
tight lacing in women. / think such
constant pressure around the waist is
highly injurious. She; | don't think
that is what makes il so bad He: What
is il then? She toying with her FAM;
II is because that method is SO artificial.
C!oa6 ReVtcD.
Burglar (flashing his dark.lautern in
the face of the sleeper): If you make a
noise you're dead man ! want your
money and I want it quick Where is
il? Mr.. billus (only half awake! Why,
great Scott Maria What have you
done with the $25 gave you yesterday?
-Chicago 7ri5uns,
The following sentences must have
puzzled some Of our readers yesterday
"When we get some roads in this state
worth preserving il will be well for us
also 10 look into tie question of war
times" What was written was not
war times" but wide tires. ~ Charles
ton G5di7S ajid Courier.
Classifying tt Eastern man dn
Oregon We heard Of the salmon and
know all about tic trout but this fish
you call the salmon.trnut is new one
on me. Why is il? Native OregoDian--
Its a little like both, and yet it isn't
either lis Kind Of mugwump between
the two. y" Chjcago Tribume.
A gentleman sent his servant to in.
quire about friend who had been i'll
"ln case he should be dead find out the
date OF the funeral were the girl;
! parting instructions. Half M houi
later she came back. "'rhe gentleman
is very much better, sir" she said, "anl
! they have not yet decided about tbs
funeral. " 1ffa$ SifyiRqS,
Master Willie (who has Just been de
scribed by a visitor as "snch an intelli.
gent little fellow Papa, has thu
gnn'lum brought my new boots2 Papc
, (who doesn't sec what is comng)-
Boots, Willie? Why, what makes yor
ask ? Master Willie -Causc, when ht
come fore you said lie was snoh, anC
! ! asked Jane what u ''snob' was, ant
She said shoemaker Sensational
LORdoR iH-BitS.
$ Several gentlemen wore talking abou
+ love, and tiilhouly said he had an unelt
! who went crazy on account Of tht
| tender passion. "That's nothing" re
! piled Gus he Smith. "My opinion Il
! that my brother Tom is more in Low,
! than any man ever heard Of" rs hi
{ really in lOyc?" SIS hcy lie is s,
! much in love that he has become let
e ter.cau'ier 80 he can get 10 read her let
t tors sooner. Besides, as lottcr-carre
5 he knows if she is getting letters from
e any other frller - 2s2as Stfttaga
5 The Philadelphia girls have discovered
Y new dodge, or ut least Music ami Era1a,
: Of that city thinks they have for it put
), this little manologun INTO the mouth o
/ one Of its townswomcn "Oh, no, it ism
i. united, its fad TO have them tina, way.
+ she said with smile, rs he offered Ii
d tie the luccs Of her neat little low shoes
o "Nou see tie girls like TO have the mel
g notice their fcet--if they arc shapely &
|, SMALL she continued, growing con
|, tieential, $50 some woman, more in
I, genuous than her sisters, thought Of til
VI scheme, and now when you pass us d