Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1892-09-13

Milwaukee; Philadelphia squads on
toast. consomme of chicken la Anon
tillado. soufe of lobster la Rothschild,
Charlotte de Russo, with jelly, en- Mar
aschino; French coffee and all that sort
Of thing"
Smiths breath came in short pants.
Selling his friends arm with livid I'm
gers, he exclaimed:
Lets 20 to Delmonlco's-quick"
The sucker was hooked. However,
Colonel Gsbber played MIN before land
ing him. ,r
tIet me see, unused the Colonel. 81
don't suppose it's possible for Chauneey
to get Ia while this quarantine lasts.
He will expect me to be at the pier and
| don't care to have him think I've
snubbed him. There is little widow
on Fifth avenue-wOrth about four mill
lions-who has been badgering the lie
out of me for a week to take her out
driving-but she'll wait. Yes, Smith,
we will dine at Delmonico's."
No such gormandiZing was ever be-
fore seen in New York, outside OF the
menagerie in Central Park. They had
appetites like patent corn shelters. The
walters are talking about them yet.
A DOMESTIC CYCLONE.
1t was past midnight in Smiths pala-
tial residence on Madison avenue. He
had not yet returned. Mrs. Smith was
up. She sat at the window talking 10
herself and shaking her head. 1t was
about two o'clock when she heard the
distant refrain of "Razzle-daZzle." As
the singers drew nearer the song
changed to "We've both been there be-
fore, many time," "Rah for Grover
Cleveland" They were now quite close
10 the house and were singing Tiara
ra-boOm-de-ay." Mrs. Smith went
softly TO the front door and opened it
about an inch. She saw her husband
and a tall, thin man skipping around
In the moonlight like frisky lambs.
They stopped the song and dance ousi-
ness ana Smith said, steadYing himself
on his friend:
"Shay, Colonel, come in an have
mother wiz me. I'm boss in there"
A cold, metallic voice said, IF the
Colonel will shove the boss up the
steps I'll take charge of him."
The Colonel did assist "the boss" up
the Stoop, but did not accept the invi-
tation 10 come in. He was drunk, but
not quite drunk enough to take such
risks as that.
Mrs. Smith steered "the boss" into
the domestic sanctum sanctorum and
seated him in chair.
/ 81 q q
removing his battered hat violently and
looking him straight in the eyes, as he
vainly tried TO smoke cigar that had
a compound fracture.
''Snarar, I've always been kind hus-
band t'yOu-neyer come home drunksh
like uzzer men and drag you around the
room by hair. Never even hit you
wlsher poker"
That's so, Henry. II you had you
would not be alive row. You are
drunk"
what makes you shay Eat, Sharar?
/ Il was strong shegar-kills microbes.
/ And the wretched mans head sank on
/ his breast Mrs. Smith aroused him
aud asked him in voice that needed
/ Oiling:-
E"Did you cash that check?"
When she managed TO unearth the
information that Henry had loaned
| Colonel Gabber $500 in cash there was a
| domestic cyclone, but it did not effect
/ Smith much, as he was rapidly sinking
/ Into q state Of coma.
"Where have you been?" asked Mrs.
/ Smith, pouring some cold water on his
head, which revived him somewhat.
Talking 10 me, Sharar? Wheresh l
| been? Had splendid dinner-Delmoni-
| co's-'Cademy Music-hundred Phila-
/ delphia squads on toaSht all studded
wiz jewelS-potato crOQuetteS an fash
! ing 'lectric lightS-brOiled terrapins an
shixteen French SQuadrille danSherS-
Notwithstanding in proceShun--
| Ta-ra-ra-bOOm"
$50 you have been to see the Black
Crook, have you?' said Mrs. s., breath
ing hard, aud taking a firm grasp OF his
hair with both hands.
"Sharar! Lego my hair! Sharar!"
"I'll teach you"
ouch"
However, the greatest cataclysm OF
all developed several hours later, when
an Orchard street case Of chOlerine de-
| velOped In Mr.. Smiths midst. Those
who desire to know more about il should
| read Sancho PanZa's experience after
ne had taken a dose Of the magic bal
sam Of FierabraS, prepared for him by
the knight Of the SorrOwful Figure. y
Allen. L. SWEET.