Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1892-08-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

something.-Indianapoiis Journal.
: No, anxious mother. the sun thu,
stood still at Joshua,s was
| not having his hair cut.-E2mira Ga.
sctte.
Everything is for the best in this
world. Even the ring politician is for
the pest thereis in sight-Lndianapolis
Journal.
Women swallow flattery as babies
swallow buttons-without any idea of
tne trouble that may follow.-Ie1as
Sytin7s.
The bookmaker illustrates the in
Justice OF HE. He is constantly get
eng the best of his bettors.- WASHING
ton Star.
There are people who sing, 81 care
not for silver and gold" who always
come out ahead in n horse trade
RAMS Horn.
Dickey Club-"My college DAYS were
ripe with experience" His Chum-
Yes, know. That is why you were
plucked. ~ Boston Post.
No doubt, in business matters, a
mans word ought to go a long way.
We suppose that is why there IS such
general use of the telephone.-Fun.
Cleverton-"Old man, | should think
you would veal a silk hat with a dress
suit" Dashaway (sadly)-"You can't
hire a silk hat."-C toatier and Fur
niSscr.
1t is perfectly safe to compliment n
woman upon her chiseled features, but
/ Che Womb harAlv III, a
her head was turned.-Boston Tran
script.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-"Is young Bacon
a college graduate?" Crimsonbeak-
Il guess not heard him say he never
played football i'll his life. "NKonkers
Statesman.
Wagley calls the bad cigars that
Duoley buys "the coin collectors
PRIDE because of the curious scents
that they produce while being smoked.
Philadelphia Record.
There are people who seem to have
an idea that they attract attention in
heaven for their piety every time they
buy a dish Of ice-cream at a church
festival.-Ram's Horn.
Miss Cer.ly-"What makes you think
MIR. De Vigne's marriage was a love
match?" Miss Thackeray-@Don't YOU
notice how completely they have drop
ped out of societyP"--Boston Post.
First Club Man-"What on earth
have You got in your pockets?" Sec
ond Club Man-"The striking gongs
from the clocks at home. / was afraid
they'd keep my wife awake. ~ Y.
Weekly.
Miss Summit-"You know that silk
party gown / wore all winter? Think
L shall have it made over into a bath
ing dress" Miss Palisade-"What do
you want to have it made over for?"--
-C2odk Reuieu.
His Satanic Majesty-"ls that Bos-
ton man getting thawed out YETI"
Deputy Assistant Dewitt think he is
beginning to; he said good morning
to ne as was raking down the fires"
brooklyn Life.
Photographer-"Yes, photography is |
constantly charging its field. 1t is a
fact that the Emperor William has had
40 pictures taken" Sitter-"Humph! |
That's propably what spoiled his tenn
per- Washington Star.
did you ask your husband where
he was last night?" asked the much
interested neighbor. "Yes; and | have
every reason to believe he told me the
truth" "Indeedi' "Yes; he said he
did not know."-Judge.
The Rector-"My dear young lady,
l hope am mistaken, but / thought
saw you talking during the sermon
yesterday" Stray Lamb-"You GER
tainly are mistaken, Doctor. Why, /
never talk in my sleep."-LJe.
Host (whose whisky is not very first
rate)-"Whatl No morep Aha. afraid
of it, Ell? l see. The spirit Is willing,
but the flesh is weak. Guest (con-
yivially)-"No. The flesh is willing,
but-er-the spirits weak!"-Ptck-Ae-
Up.
He (earnestly)-"Are you sure, alb
solutely sure, that you will love me
till death us do part?" She Solemn
ly)-"I am sure, absolutely sure, that
/ shall love you till death do us part.
BY the way is your life insuredp"-N |
y. Weekly.
~Lummy see! Noah was the only
man who ever owned the earth, wasn't
hep" Yep. And he got it at a pawn
brokers' sale. / believe" Pawn
brokers sale?" "Sure. 1t was in soak
for about a year, you know."-Indidn-
dpoliS Journal.
Landlady "Why did you bring
your notebook to the table, Mr.. Pert
manP' Mr.. Pertman-"I noticed hat
we are to have pas turkey for dinner.
/ wish to keep tally of the different
ways it will be served before it finally
passes from yiew."-Pack.
Patient-"O, doctor, you don't know
how it worries me to think that l
be buried alive" Doctor
"Calm yourself, Mrs. b. You need
have no fear of anything like that.
Trust to me, and l assure you that
you are in no danger."-Boston Tran
Tailor-"I've come in to collect the
bill for your last years spring suit,
Howell Gibbon yes. But l
wear hat suit another year"
Tailor-"What's that got to do with
it?" Howell Gibbon-"How am | go
ing to pay for it when I've got to get
another suitp"-Puck.
He-"You know / don't approve of
tight lacing in m think such
pressure around the waist is
injurious" She-"I don't think
that is what makes it so bad" He
what is it, then?" She (tOying with
her fan)-"It is because that method
is so artificial. "-C9oak ReUieW.
Little Edith Suddenly, but not Sc
ilD-"Mamma, do you think
shall get well?" Mamma-"Of course
will, darling. Little Edith
think l shall, mamma; and
guess it's best I shouldn't. Being I'M
Ter 5, perhaps l could get into heaven
for half fare."-Boston Transcript. !,
Distracted Mother-"Oh, sir, my lit
lie boy and dog wandered away this
morning and / haven't seen them
since," Policemen What lie he
have on ma'am?" Distracted Mother
little red blanket with 'Fido' en-
broidered on each side. oh, dear!
lear. what shall l shall l doP"-BtGek
md White.
autobiography agitated)-"O! Ethel,
vou have at last refused the hand of
Mr.. Fellsoftly; / know you have
Ethel (eagerly)-"How do you know
TIP. Mabel-aI saw him on the street
his morning" Ethel (alarmed)- :
and he was dissipating?" Mabel
-"No, no; he was out driving with
Mss Pinkly, his old flame.'-Bosto"
Post.
-hn