The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-09-07
WIT AND HUMOR.
MANS ADVANTAGE.

She goes down to the dry-goods store and |
spends our good old dollars 80
For shirts Just like her brother wears with |
reglar standing collars,
She even has her hair cut short and tries the
To obliterate the difference between herself
But, when It Comes to 'sPefers," by this idea
That we've got the everlasting bulge when it
comes to raising beardl
Indianapolis, Journal.
In race-course picture the jockeys
contribute the mountain scenery
Boston Courier.
The woman question. "Now isn't
this pretty time of night for you to
get homeP P"-Teras Siftings.
When you open window on rail-
way train the first thing to catch your
eve is a cinder.-Boston Bulletin.
The fellow sitting on the fence can
always see the furrow straighter than
the man behind the plow.-Cot@rn6ats
Post.
A mans mind is a scrap book, and
the tough things he pasted in it when
he was young never fade.-Atchsso's
Globe.
Jagson says it is strange nobody ever
finds out what the wild waves are say
ing, although ever SO many go to sea.
EtnatrG Gazette.
Mrs. Snooper-"Mrs. Stagger's baby
is bottle-fed." Snooper-"Takes after
it's daddy already, does, itP"-Sa'ith,
Gray & Co.'s Monthly.
1t is all right for theater manager
to present a grand double bill, but
when doctor or lawyer does it there
80 ronhlo abood - pcu1f,E1e
The heather in their blindness bow
down to wood and stone. After they
have been converted they learn to
worship gold.-Boston Transcript.
From time immemorial men have
been held up for examples, and now
and then they've been held up for what
they had about their clothes.-Bt1sg-
hGnston Leader.
Minister "Don't you know that
strong drink is mans worst enemy?"
Fast Young Man-"Yes, but we are
commanded to love our enemies. -
Pharmaceutical Era.
Jarvis-aDo you know what I'm go
ing to do with the first hundred dol
lars 1 earnp" Jessup-"Pay your en-
trance fee to q home for aged men
probably.-N. 7. Herald.
Johnnie calling downstairs 40.
ma. pa has lost his collar button" Ma
-"Well, hurry and take the parrot out
of the room and hang the cage in the
hall. Detroit Free Press.
"Do you think that truth is stranger
than tictlonP" 81 don't know" replied
the cautious man; when some people
that know get through with it it gen
orally seems to be. y Washington Star
Sue-"How did you and Tom Hillov
happen to get married. BlancheP'
Blanche-"We were both single, yol
know" "Yesp" "Well, we married t.
get even" Smith, Gray & Co.'s Month
iy.
First Boarder 81 wonder wha
makes this strawberry shortcake 81
heayyP" Second Boarder = Don
know, but it isn't the weight of tn
Strawberries on top anyhow, M I
Weekly.
The oystermen are talking of getting
up national convention. The ide
that they favor opening the proceed
ings with oyster-knives, however,
altogether erroneous. = Philadelphia
Ledger.
Little Girl-"My papa has to get u
awful early, SO as to get to the office t
see if his clerks is there attend to bus
ness" Little Boy-"My papa don
have to. He's one of the clerks."-
Good NeaOs.
Mr.. Sapoline-"I want this soap &C
vertisement placed where plenty {
servant-girls will be likely to see it.
Advertising Managerial right; T.
have it put next to the society column.
King Jester.
Old Doctor-"No, sir. I never hav
patient die on my hands-never.
Young Doctor-"How do you manag
itp" Old Doctor-"When I find ma
is going to die get him to call in
specialist. Life.
Squildig-"I have a suggestion t
make in regard to the political fence.
McSwilligen-"WellP" Squildig-"Th
suggestion is that it be built of barbe
wire. There is too much sitting on
now."-Pittsburg Telegraph.
Rosalie--aSome men think that Mis-
Bullion is pretty" Grace-"The ide.
Why, one of the best artists in tow
did her portrait, and it was so goo
that the academy refused to let th
hideous thing in the exhibition
HGrpeT's Bazaar.
Il am sorry to tell you," said th
eminent lawyer to the promoter, "ths
your corporation agreement will nc
hold water" as that SOP" replied th
disappointed man. 81 was going t
ask Jay Gould to go into it. but no
of course it's no use. ."-Brooklyn Ltf
Artist-"Yes, sir; can enlarge thi
photograph and give you a speakin
likeness" Widower (who has a yer
vivid remembrance of deceased)-
speaking ikeness2 / would like th
portrait, t-bnt-I-er-don't cal
to have it talk much. Brooklyn Lif
New reporter (tired out To-day
Saturday, and you know this sta
now has a Saturday half-holiday la
nearly forgot it. Rush out and e
up a 6ve-column article on how Il
day is being observed. IN. Y. Wee
ly.
Tantivy Toole-"I see the Irtbul
says that scrapping match was vel
tame affair / understand it ended
knockout" Jack Lever-"Yes; Il
religious editor had the assignmen
and he's taken in SO many church co
ventions that he expects altogether tc
nnuch. Puck.
~How did you like the Boston gi
that was visiting my auntP" said OIL
young man to another. "Very much
"She used some pretty long word
didn't sheP" "Yes; I think she US,
the longest word I ever heard when
proposed to her. What was that
"Never. Washington Star.
Madison-"Crafteigh has the rep
tation of being the most intelliger
man in the club, but / have new
heard him give utterance to remar
yet which was any evidence of it
Jackson-"But have you observed th
rapt manner in which ne listens to al
approves of the remarks uttered
other membersP"-Ihe CtaG6.
Mrs. O'Hare-"Faith,' It is an ilegal
Job me mon has now, Mrs. McClun
IT is night watchman he is" Mr.