The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-04-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Half loaf is better than railroad
sandwich. 49,"
Time works wonders. That is because
he never does any loaiing.-Truth.
Man wants but little here below, and
as general thing he's getting it.-Bing-
hamton Leader.
II is considered by many people ex-
tremely forward for young man to send
girl valentine in leap year.
When the tired mother asks her hus--
band to take the baby he is apt to an
swer, "I don't mind. Union County
Standard.
Police Captain--"Did you catch that
murderer last night9" Detective-"No,
but l dreamed 1 had clew. New
York Weekly.
The writer who taxed his ingenuity
never knew what a low valuation the
editor would put upon the property
assessed.-Truth.
Bjenkins-'Tsn't Bjones a very liberal
mani" Bjohnson--"Yes; don't know
how many times l have heard HIM give
| himself away. Lowell Citizen.
Jack Spratt took anti-fat,
His wife took anti-lean,
And so betwixt them both
They struck happy mean.
Detroit Free Press.
Nothing Like Change: She-"Since
my return from the south of France Pm
another woman" Sarcastic Friend
Show delighted your husband must be-"
Fun.
Bilious-"I sleep in feathers, but be-
lieve it's not healthful." Toffnut-
"Whats that; look at your spring
chicken-see how tough he is."-New
York Herald,
Everybody knows q woman is hard to
please. She likes the matrimonial
harness, but doesn't like to be hitched
up with man who is strapped.
hamton Republican.
Gave 1t Up and Guessed It: "What
does a volcano do with lava" asked
Freddy. "Give it up" replied his
father. "Thats right, " said Freddy
Harper's Young People.
The proposed fast mail trains from
New York to Chicago will have one
serious drawback. They will land the
London comic papers here several hours
earlier.-Chicago Times.
Cora-"Why do you think Attorney
Jimpson is destined to become Supreme
JudgeW Dora-"He says he has de.
cided am the prettest girl he ever
saw.'-New York Herald.
Teacher of Physiology-"What in.
gredient which is highly essential in the
composition of the human body does
sugar possess2" Pupils lin one voice.
-''Sand. "-Pharmaceutical Era.
Naughty Lady (who has purchased
stamp)-"Must l put it on myselil"
Stamp Clerk-''Not necessarily. twill
probably accomplish more if you put it
on the letter. New York Herald.
"Sir, you have iusulted me. here
by challenge you to a duel with pistols.
My name is Hare "Indeed Then
you'll have to wait till l have procured
shooting license, "-Kolner Tageblatt.
Passenger Gn a railway caD-"Can't
you make room there! All the other
seats are full" Twoseats-'Go along;
cant you sec that am sick" Passen-
ger-"What's the matter; trichinosis9"
New York Sun.
Serious Artist-'I think you knew
the model for this dgure-poor beggar,
deaf and dumb" Light-hearted Friend
81 know-used to sit at corner of street.
Deaf and dumbl BY Jove, you've made
a speaking likeness of himl Wonder
ful Punch.
Johnny-'Where are you goingl'
Don't you hcarmaw
a callin' met" "That's nolhin'. She
called you two or three times before"
''Yes, but she's out at the peach tree
now cuttin' oil an ultimatum. Indiana.
polls journal.
"rhere so the Spicer Wilcoxes,
Pm told they're trying to know
us. Hadn't we better calf" Ser
tainly not, dear. II they're dying to
know u.s. they're not worth knowing.
The only people worth our knowing are
the people who don't want to know US
Punch.