Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-01-31
ARKELL SPARKLES.
THE EDITOR OF JUDGE" JUDGES SOME LITER
AIRY WOMEN.
Beings Publisher, He Publishes the Tricks Of The
Publishing Business-Quser Story Of Crazy
Financisr-Senator Germans Mule Farm.
n. 2. Adrocats.

Who would change the sex or the
peculiarities of a woman? Not l; but
there is an absurdity about her efforts
TO be cunning and mysterious which is
| delicious, and the more so because she
| does not know it. The women report
ers OF this city grow more numerous
every day, and many of them are bright
most of them are interesting; but
there has recently arisen among them
system Of surreptitious puffery
which has before now ''turned
down" some bright young men Of
not half their innocence and audacity.
A bright lady who fills in the frame
work Of novels tells me how it is done.
She does 1t herself. She is paid week.
ly salary for 1t. She belongs to con-
ceru that turns out novels as factories
turn out locks, or accordions, or patent
| medicine. There must be so many
novels within specified time. They
must be illustrated. They must have
one or two kinds of plot. Either SER
want girl, perhaps of the formerly-bet-
ter-days kind, must marry prince, or
millionaire, temporarily acting as the
heavy william, must be brought to the
gutter. The two extremes must touch
aud mingle. IL is not impossible for the
millionaire to reform at the eleventh
hour and marry the waiting maid or
dishwasher, who turns out herself to be
q person Of enormous wealth, discreetly
Kept In her large stocking as means
to the capture Of a true but for long
time greatly disguised heart.
"See here, Miss Blank" said the pub
Usher one morning to this lady, when
she began to work for him, 81 want you
to do lively piece of work, and its got
TO be done, somehow. l gave these
cutS"-pointing to sheet Of pictures
descriptive of alarming and tender stu
atious-"to that ninny, Squlbob, to
make story out OF, and he's gone and
spoiled the whole business. He's writ a
lot of rot about things out Of reach OF
common people who buy my books.
don't say it amt literatoor. l amt
a-criticisin' about that. Squibob's no
fool, but he knows too much for my pur-
pose. Now, we've got to have the copy
for that work, written to them cuts, in
twenty-four hours, and Squibob's story'S
no good. See?"
But, sir" began the lady, with
remote intention to mildly expostulate
and say something about decent respect
for literature and human life.
mo butts about it," said the pub
Usher with business alacrity. 'It's
got to come. Business is business.
There's the cuts. There's the story. i
could write it myself in half the time l
give you il knew how to use ink and
pen, which ] don't. Tve heard all this
talk about Hawthorne weighing word
in ten minutes, and Howels SOLDERING
over a sentence ten hours; but you never
caught Ned Buntline doing that. It's
foolishness. II amt art but idlenesS.
What if publishers were to delay things
because a press slipped cog?"
Really, SIR" began Miss Blank.
"Not word" again interrupted the
publisher. "You can write nice and
quick. can see that. Look at them
pictures. There's your pirate: there's
your school mistress; there's your Biddy,
her worst enemy or her best friend;
there's your young man with hoe, and
the well-dressed chap with mortgage
in his breast pocket, the two a-talkin';
there's your arbor and moonlight, and
the grape trellIses and things; there's
your pirates den and your lonely sea-
shore, and there's your marriage cere-
mOny to close the story with. What
more do you want?"
''He so inspired me-" said Miss Blank
to me, that got the copy ready in the
time specified; but as can't dictate to
stenographer, 1 was troubled with
writer's cramp for week. l need not
say that the affliction did not rise to my
head"