The morning call., 1892-12-31
THEY FIXED HIM.
Pork, Patriotism and a
Sick GlObe-Trotter.
How Some Young Men Made II
Pleasant for an 0verbearing
English Tourist.

A little story of an English globe-trotter
arrived the other day on one Of the coast
steamers from Southern California ports.
a few San Francisco tourists first met
him in the old mission at San Diego few
days before Christmas. Some little chill
dren sang patriotic songs in the ancient
ruins and every heart swelled with pride
aud admiration but the wthered one Of the
blase Englishman in a checked suit and
fo-e-aEd-aft cap. The scene only moved
him to express his contempt for America
and American institutions.
lie happened to drift along with the party
and casual acquaintance sprang up, but
he was not welcome companion. On
every occasion that was convenient he
would talk about American hogs, say that
here ne was robbed right and left and got
no service in return. but in England, begad,
he would soon find a little comfort ia life
again. From San Diego to Santa Barbara
he was detested and guyed by the patriotic
young Americans in the party.
All boarded the steamer for San Fran
cisco at Santa Barbara last Friday morning.
The weather was beautiful and the channe
was placid. Nobody inquired OF the weather
indications for the north or knew that they
were taking passage to rough seas and
stant gale. They discovered 1t though. AS
the steamer plOwed its way northward the
sea became rougher, and before half the
passage was over every last cabin passenger
was deathly seasick-all but the coneeited
Britisher.
When two or three recovered a little in
terest in life their first inquiry was, "ls the
Englishman sick" M. he wasn't.
Friday evening he was the sole promena ader
OF deck and cabin, and be self-comp placently
enjoyed hrs cigars and listened TO mnified
sounds OF agony that came in solos. duets
and chOTuses from behind stateroOm doors.
Occasionally he looked pityingly on some
pale-faced wretch reeling through the cabin
who had nothing left but groans to yield,
and he strOked his wtiskers as he reflect q
on what sea and time saw him seasck last
Deeper into the storm the vessel rode.
hercer grew the gale and higher piled the
waves, tossing the stout vessel as she has
seldom been tossed before
The Englishman went TO his statero0m.
Somebody discovered that the English
man had been conquered and the news
was gleefulIy passed around. 1t was medi-
| cine 10 several Three or fonT who were
| able to get there stole to his door TO feast
| their ears on the heRyings and gToanngs
within. The sick man was not thinking of
England where he lay. His agony WAS too
deep.
After few hours when the Englishman
began TO get little spells Of respite, and the
awfulconvuisions could be held trembling
| at the starting point, one OF the officers of
| the ship, who had acquired the common
hostility toward the oyerbearing globe
| tr0tter. said slyly TO a young man who had
pretty well recovered. SAY. there's piece
| of fat pork in the cooks galley. and will
! give it to you if you'll chuck it into the
| Englishman's room."
"Pll do it" said the young patriot. and
the big greasy chunk of pork was brought
| to him. He slipped down to the English
mans door and tapped thereon.
| within.
Il hear you're sick. and here's a little
something that may make you feel better,
was the reply.
| Here's a sample OF our American hog
| for Christmas present." said the Samar-
ltan, as he slammed the pork into the room
| and stepped back little to chuckle over
| the awful proceedings that instantly began.
When the steamer docked on Saturday a
| wretched, woe -begone Englshman stag.
| gered out OF the cabin. trying his best to
keep his eyes and thoughts away from the
water His friend passed him and asked.
Win sardonic grin. well, how do you
| Ike our American institutions ?"
| lie said he didn't like them.