Fort Worth gazette. [volume] (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1891-1898, 1892-02-28


to be beautiful has come like a
wave over all the women in this country.
There are shops that call themselves
temples of beauty, that announce wondrous
creams and liquids that will make ordinary,
everyday women modern Venuses, and
there are men, women and so-called doctors
who are going 10 re-create womankind.
They little know the subjects upon which
they have TO work.
WOMEN ARE LIKE MONKEYS.
Woman is naturally like a monkey. She
does not take gracefully to cleanliness
with her it is as much of an educated taste
as olives or truffies. She'd rather worry
over some nasty smelling mess to make her
skin look white than go IN for taking bath
every morning, and she'd rather fiddle
with some vile grease to work wrinkles of
her face than cultivate a happy temper.
which is really the only sure preventive of
the marks Of time. Somebody says that
hardheartedness which is an absolute
giving up Of all emotions, viii stop the
wrinkles, but / doubt this; know women
hard enough, as far as their hearts are con-
cerned, to serve for milestones, and yet the
unamiable marks come Just under their
eyes. A woman viii gush over beautiful
complexion. and yet she is entirely too lazy
TO cultivate 1t; she viii take n bath one
morning, then stop for three, and when she
Is shamed into being absolutely and per-
fectlY clean, 1t IS usually because she has
got married and the man has been the cause
Of it. There are five or six truths in this
world, and this IS one of them: Men are
thousand times more Clearly than women
HOW SOME WOMEN WASH.
The average woman's idea of washing is
to take towel, dip the end of it III some
water, rub some soap on it, then dab it
round her face and neck and trust that the
rest won't show. I tell you, and 1 am
speaking ex cathedra, that when women
y, 10,
big towels, plenty of soap and buckets of
hot water, followed by showers and sprays
of cold then they will all have beautiful
compilations. and, best of all, good tempers.
OF course, there are dirty men.
APRoPos OF OSCAR wuDE's FAMILY.
I don't know why dirt always suggests
the Wilde family TO me. Oscar was big and
rlean-looking. To be sure, he did say that
Dust is the bloom of time - In that case,
a deal of it must have bloomed on his late
father, from the stories they tell in Dublin
about him. 1t said that one night at din
ner at the castle, a man who was looking
very dragged-out had been telling that he
had just crossed the channel, and that was
the reason for his appearance. Another
man said to him: "Oh, you must have had
q very bad time Of it!'' The traveller an
Bwered: Il never saw such dirty night
In my lifei" A voice from the other end of
the table said: Ibid some one mention Sir
L
ton does not need key to this joke.
HER VOICE WAS STRONG.
Lady Wilde is very tall woman with a
very deep voice, and BrOugh, the comedian,
says the funniest experience he ever had
was at the theater when Oscar took him to
introduce him to his mother. In his sweet,
low, VelYetY voice, the apostle of art muir
INJURED, "Mother, want to have the pleas
ure of introducing MIR. Brough to you" A
deep, sepulchral voice announced, II am
glad to meet Mr.. Brough," and frightened
him so that he almost fell over However,
Lady Wilde was the only woman in Dublin
who had anything that compared to the
salons run by the literary women of New
York; those diabolical entertainments
where everybody does something.
THE EXPERIENCE OF YOUNG CRAP
at one of these was very funny. He had
come from his country place to spend a
week or so in Dublin, and was invited TO
Lady Wilde's, and, being very polite, he
went. He was announced with great dig
nity-well, we will call him Mr. RoscOm-
mon. His hostess was dressed in tarletau,
founced to her waist, each founce being
different hue, so that she looked like six
feet of rainbow She said TO him, Mr.
Roscommon, do you Sing2' With re-
gretful bow, he said, mo madam Mr. |
ROscommon, do you recite2" Another re-
Eretful bow and the same answer Then |
il an irritated tone his hostess said. |
Mr.. Roscommon, what can you dolr An |
lrishman's wit wouldn't forsake him at the |
coffin of his grandmother, and this one |
proved no exception to the rule, for. in an |
swer to the last question, he bowed very
low and said, Il can only admire a beauui- |
full woman and express that admiration by |
kissing her hand" He said afterwards it |
was pretty hard dose, but the family rep
utation had to be kept up.
HOW TO REFORM DRUNKARD.
BY the by, somebody SAID not long ago |
that women were intellectually timid l |
don't think they are. The way they |
''wrasslen with the most abstruse subjects |
shows an intellectual courage greater than |
that beautiful physical one credited to j. |
Lawrence Sullivan of Boston. The ques- |
ton they are tackling now is how to reform |
druukards And they are perfectly willing |
TO prescribe anything from the faith cure !
TO the jab. l have little theory Of my own |
on the subject, and 1 am going TO give 1t to |
any woman who has, as an attachment. a /
husband inclined TO get drunk. It is worth |
writing down in your prayer book, or your |
diary, whichever you look into the oftenest: |
AHEAD OF THE KELLY CURE.
BE as amiable as possible; put ice on
his head and don't mind little thing like 1
piece of it running down his back, because |
that will help cool him off. Bandage his head |
up put lavender water, bay rum, camphor |
and everything you can think of on him, |
anu WleQ ne OBJECTS, go Quietly away. II !
you have the moral courage TO bump your |
head against the door as you go out, and get |
q big bumb, or black eye, the game is |
yours. Come in the next morning with a |
glass of iced milk, call him your poor |
darling, and make him feel that he is the |
worst brute with the largest d before him,
and that you are the dearest woman in the /
world. II he refers to your bruises, say you |
would rather not talk about it and cry |
little. Tell him some one is coming to
paint it, so there shan't be any gossip about |
it. And gradually IL Will dawn on his half
sick mind that he hit you, and then-wel,
you are not descended from Mother Eve
unless you own that man, body, soul and
bank book"
About the ''iabl'' Well, I haven't any
thing to say about it, because 1 don't know
anything about it. and I am intellectually
timid about touching it. However, when l |
have seen cure, l will believe in it, and
until then III let it alone.
WOMAN TO MANS FAvoRITE PLACE.
We used to think we were very fortu-
nate, we women, if we had a man in love
with US. That's all changed nowadays.
You've got 10 have an adorer in the shape
of woman. She must wear your picture |
in her watch, she must take you TO places
of amusement, send you flowers, permit
herself to look hideous in the color that
suits you; in short, it must be the old story
of Romeo and Juliet only both the lovers
must wear bangs. number among my &C
an old woman who has very
-, L. II