The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-03-23
WIT AND HUMOR.


at-A conclusion and mouse.-LJe.
There is always hand of welcome
ready to be offered to the strange UNI
breHa. Pttsburg Press.
You can fatter any man by telling
him that you know him to be man
who is not easily fattered.-AtchaSo71
Globe.
He (proudly)-"My motto is live
and let live" She (wearily)-"I wish
it was sleep and let sleep. ."-Boston
Courier.
We may give man credit for his
good intentions, but he can't get cash
for them unless they are backed by
deeds.-Puck.
He-"You didn't know [ was color
blind, did you?" She-"I suspected it
from the neckties you wear."-Ctothter
and Furmisber.
The sweetness of the uses of adversi-
ty is one of the things best understood
by contemplation from distance
Washington Star.
papa, why do we wish people a
good appetite, butn not good thirst'P"
because that isn't necessary" =
FIiege1ade Btdtter.
The female spiritualistie medium
never exposes herself That is to say,
she never goes out without her raps.
|-Yonkers Statesman.
Hardfeature- -"My wife is near-sight-
ed" Jimpson gazing long at Hard
feature)I@One Would think she was
blind. ."-N. Y Herald.
If the parlor rocking-chair could talk
it would put stop to much of the
grumbling about crowded street cars.
-Bingha11atoae Republican.
First Irishman-"Pore Flanagan has
iist been drowned" Second Irishman
. "He's lucky bhoy. Oi always
thought he'd be hanged. Comic.
Cashier-"Do you know when double
entry was first usedP" Bookkeeper-
eyes; when the animals entered the
ark two by two."-K Konkers Statesman,
Somebody calls for the. invention of
ga buttonless shirt" o, law! button
| less shirts have been known ever since
| Adam was bachelor.-LO9CeU Courier.
Even Washington's graceful car
riage didn't make as lasting impress
sion on history as the hack he took at
his fathers cherry tree.-B0Stoa CoW-
rier.
1t is remarked that women are them
selves not very thoughtful in street
cars. But then think of how much
they have to stand. : Philadelphia
Press.
Humanity appears to be very un-
equally divided between those who
can't stand prosperity and those who
can't get any to stand.-BinghGnato11
Leader.
''Mr. and Mrs. Henpeck have separat-
ed" "IndeedP" "Yes, and Mrs. Hen
peck is going to lecture" "H'mi Go
ing to continue in the business" IN.
Y. Press.
Mamma-"My darling, don't you
think you've eaten enough?" Maudie
-"Me don't know. Me ant dot a
verwy bad tummickache yet. ."-Har-
per's Bazar.
Housekeeper-"Wh don't you go to
work and earn money!" Dirty Tramp
They'd be apt to pay me in bank
| bills, mum, an I'm afraid of bacteria !"
Good Nee0s.
Cumso-"Old Soak seems to be try
ing to fill a drunkard's grave as fast as
he can. Bumso-"Well, you bet if he
has the job the grave will be full."-
| N. Y. Herald.
! The Sweet Girl Graduate = "And
what do you think, Maude! Then he
| winked at me with his alter ego!"
"His alter ego?7 His other eye, Of
coursem-LJe.
/
"Miss Antique is aging very rapid.
| N.s "You must be wrong. She is
| only year older now than she was
five years ago. She says SO herself.
-Hdrper's Ba@ar.
"I've had a good deal of trouble,
said the milkman confidentially."
Eyes" replied the cook, Give noticed
that even your milk has the blues."-
Washington Post.
Friend of Playwrig ight-"Ten me, now,
what do you consider your greatest
work?" Playwright = Getting my
plays accepted after they are written.
l-Bostoaa transcript.
Miss Angie Nue-"Do you know
Mr.. Holdoff, why this champagne does
not remind me of youP" Mr.. Holdof
-"No, really" Miss Angie Nue.
because it pops. Brooklyn Eagle.
1t is very wrong, of course, to be in
quisitive, but if there were not some
inquisitive people in the world what q
lot of interesting gossip other people
| would have to miss.-SOnaerUitte Jour.
nal.
Bank president-"You will have tc
90 to Canada alone; l shall give myself
up" Cashier-"If you do you will &C
to state prison" Bank president
"Weu, it's toss-up; and I've been tx
Canada. ."-Puck.
Hosetter McGinnis-"It is mean o
you to be always abusing your frienC
Jones behind his back" Gus de Smitl
81 can't see it that way. If I abuse
him to his face he will pound the lift
out of me. e."-Teras Sittiaags.
"This mince pie is delicious" sale
Cadley to Mrs. Noorich. "Have yor
the receipt for it?" "Sir," said The
lady Indignantly, receipt! No, sir,
have not, because l have not yet re
ceived the bill. ."-Harpe1''s Bazar.
Mrs. Boston-"I don't know whether
to let Annetta have that talking dol
uncle sent her or not" Mr.. Boston
| w ny, WudG > GHo IndIG6I WIFI II!
Mrs. Boston4"Its accents so distress
ingly New York. ."-Harper's Bazar.
Il tell you," said the head of fami
ly who had returned from the Sc;
shore, "you can never appreciate tina
poem about the breaking waves un
til you have gone out and been broke
by them yourself. y Washington Star
| Cleverton-"Yous say that the cir
CRANKY is going to marry doesn'
furnish the wedding cards. Wha
does she furnish, then?" Dashawa,
a understand she furnishes tn
route for the wedding trip. -Broohlyl
| Ltte.
Clara-"I thought you were to g
walking with Miss Grosgrain today
Didn't she have a new walking cost
ume just from Paris?" Maude-"Ye es
But her dressmaker says it won't b
done until tomorrow."-N. Y. Cloa
ReUieaO.
AAAAAh. Scientific American
Agency for 81