davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

She was the prettiest girl, ween,
That mortal eye had ever seen;
Her name was Annabel Christine,
Her cheeks were smoothed with vaseline,
Her bangs were curled with bandoline,
Her teeth were brushed with fine deptine.
Her face was touched with coaline.
Her gloves were cleaned with gasoline.
She wore dress of grenadine
Looped DER skirt of brilhantine;
Her petticoat was bombazine,
Her foot was shed with kid bootine,
Her wounds were healed with cosmoline;
She sailed away from Muscatine
In a ship they called a brigantine:
She firted with gay marine
Till they reached the republic Argentine
Where they were married by dean
And lived on oleomargarine;
Also the mild tin clad sardine,
And did disturb the Boston bean
When boiled and served in a soup tureen.
Salt pork they ate, both fat and lean.
When garnished round with parsley green
And likewise lobster coraline,
With lemons sliced its form to screen.
In short, they lived king and queen,
ia manhood's pride and beauty's sheen,
For on them there was nothing mean.
His looks and language were serene.
He wore coat of velyeteen.
She kept her parlor neat and clean.
Her favorlte dye was aniline;
She rocked the cradle by machine,
And named the baby Josephine,
Yet never was a brighter scene
Than when that girl, at sweet sixteen.
Emit sred the room with naughty mien.
Hartford Times.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
Absentminded.

A very absentminded man was Lord
-, who prided himself upon being very
indulgent and considerable to his servants
His coachman had been suffering from a
light attack of lung fever but returned to
work during the prevalence of some rough
weather.
do you think, James," said Lord -,
shat you are well enough to drive me to-
day?"
"Oh, yes, your lordship, will wrap my
self we'll"
'Ahl Well, will tell you what will
do, James. | intended to go out in the
victoria today, but in order that you may
escape the exposure / will go in the coupe
insteadp'
So he drove out in the coupe, which, al
though it WAS a covered vehicle for him
self, left the unfortunate coachman as
much out in the rain as if he had beer
driving the victoria.
But Lord - had the complacent air as
he drove of doing very kind and merciful
thing. Youths Companion.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
ne Could Not Obey Both Notices.

A Tribune reporter recently witnessed
an amusing incident at railroad station
in New Jersey A waiting passenger
stepped over to the counter where news
papers, knickknacks and tobacco were sold
and bought cigar. This he lighted and
strolled composedly about the room. Pres
emily the porter of the place approached
him and with emphatic Hibernian brogue
asked
"Can you rade?"
quite fairly" replied the passenger.
"Whyy"
"Then what does that sign rade?" de-
manded the porter, pointing to one on the
ticket sellers box.
{" No smoking" responded the pilgrim
in deliberate tone.
"Well, that's the rule, dye moind."
"See here" said the transgressor; lean
you read?"
"Indade l can, shure."
"Well, what does that big sign by the
cigar case over there say?"
st says, Smoke the King of Clubs CT
gars.'"
'That's exactly what was doing. Now
which sign must l obey?"
by the powersl man, but ye have the
best of it, and I'll report that Shaney to
the company, so will. New York Trib-
une.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
Her Happy DeIiverance.

The weary sun had sunk to rest six hours
or more ago, and in the dainty drawing
room the light was burning low The sol
emn ticking of the clock in measured beat
and slow to Thompson Gaddis seemed tosay
that it was time to go.
But Thompson needed not it's voice, for
still he fingered there, as if a wad of chew.
ing gum had glued him to his chair And
Thompson's voice had taken on most un-
certain note, us if lump of something dry
had risen in his throat.
amelia, dear" he faltered out. .hear
what | have to say. 1t may surprise you,
but do notch, do not turn away My PAL
sled tongue has often tried my passion to
translate, but doubts, misgivings, trem
blings, fears have made me hesitate know
cannot even now my longings formulate
in words that please a maiden's ear or seem
appropriate. I cannot clothe my hearts
fond hopes in forms of speech ornate, be-
cause my nerveless vocal chords will not
articulate. But now the fateful hour has
comet | can no1onger wait, and ere leave
this house tonight | ask to know my fate
Amelia, dear, my sufferings you must com
miserate. To put me out of misery do not
procrastinate. Forgive me if | seem too
rash, for | am desperate. Your tender
heart will blameless hold poor unfortu-
nate whom love has made unduly bold and
too importunate The question trembling
on my lips you must anticipate. Your
charms my very being thrill-my brain in
toxicatel My love cannot picture forth in
language adequate nor voice the deep emo
tions that my bosom agitate. Devotion
pure, affection true my being animate, and
every hope have in life to you consecrate
Evasions / abominate, deceit l deprecate
and l confess that my estate is very mod
erate''-
All this had Thompson Gaddis said, with
eyes upon the floor. when from Amelia g
gentle lips there came gentle snore.
And Thompson said, as he walked away,
''I'll tell her the rest some other day.
Chicago Tribune.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

| 'sWhy did not you have me called at 8
,clockY" roared the commercial Traveller
rs he faced the dazzling hotel clerk and
banged his fist on the register
IL did," retorted the unabashed dazzler-
you did not, sirl'
II tell you did"
"Yoa did not, sir, and can prove iti''
"No, you can't prove itP'
"Yes, camp
"Proye it. thenw
"Well, you did not call me at 6 o'clock,
because did not leave word TO be called at
ALP and the commercial traveller grinned
and looked for the hotel clerk TO blush and
apologize
But he looked in vain. A little thing like
that would't even make hotel clerks eye
lid hutter-New York Tribune.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

The publisher Of a new paper called on
ais friend. great author.
II must have a sketch from you this
week, +" said the publisher
"My dear friend" the author replied, II
ion't see how cen possibly give 1t to you
am awfully busy. and have orders for
more work than can do.n
But must have it."
II don't see how can give it to you.
But the success of my paper depends on
IT,
II can't help that. Why, would rather
ive you a ten dollar note than to write it."
"All rightp' exclaimed the publisher,
Frightening up, give me the ten dollars"
-Arkansaw Traveller.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

"Charley, dear" said young Forty
fifth street wife, greeting her husband af
fectionately on his return from business
the first evening after their honeymoon, 81
have spent this entire day sewing buttons
on your clothes"
II am proud of you, Carrie" he said
fondly. Not many young wives would
have spent their first day at home so sen
sibly. / had not noticed though" he
added, "that my belongings were SO dilapi
dated"
''But they were" she said, scarcely a
button left. have sewed on nineteen but
tons this afternoon, and this is the TWEEN
tieth," she added, holding up garment
with large brass button partly sewed on.
Nineteen, did you sayS" he asked, in
speeding the sample with alarm. rs that
button, or-or an ornamentp" he said,
gazing at the expanse of brass surmount-
ing his erumpled garment
cts a button" she said Indignantly.
"You see after the fifth button the little
white ones gave out, and l couldn't find
anything else to use but hooks and eyes.
knew you would not like those, so cut the
buttons off the front of my last winters
sacque and used them all-you always adj
mired those, you know, Charley" she said
anxiously.
"They won't fit any buttonhole I've got"
he remarked gloomily.
81 noticed that, dear, SO II enlarged
eleven of the holes"
Caroline" he said, in firm tones,
courted you in simple pins and knots a,
strings. They may not be pretty, but
got along together first rate, and I want
understood right here that if you thinl
am going to hang plaques all over my p
son and cavort around brass mounted,
it were, then you are tied (not buttoneD
the wrong man. New York Tribune.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
He OBJECTED.
II Was An Right Up to a Certain Point.
and Then

| The author and manager were going
ever the play together. strengthening its
weak points and getting it into shape for
presentation
II don't think" said the latter, when
pressed for an opinion, that the stage di-
rections are quite explicit enough. think
it would be good idea to write in the
business a little more fully"
perhaps you're right" admitted the
author. ''What in particular would you
suggestr"
"Well, in the first act, where the heroine
comes rompiDg on the stage, | would have
her father put his arms around her and
kiss her."
do you think that is necessary"
"Why, yes 1t will show his love for her
and make his grief seem more intense
when she runs away with the hero"
"All right. I'll do it. What next?"
"When the hero makes love to her and
she seems undecided his arm should quiet
ly steal around her waist"
fought to write that ins"
Certainly. All the business should be
written in"
The author sighed and said:
Every well. Pll attend to it. Anything
mores"
YES Her brother should treat her
most affectionately She's supposed to be
a great favorite of his, you know, and when
he gets home on his furlough their greet
ing should be most loving-kisses and all
that. That will make the situation strong
er when he starts out to kill the man who
has run away with his beloved sister"
Meaning the hero?"
Eyes; and when she agrees to elope with
| the hero she should throw herself into his
arms, and he should fairly smother her
with kisses 1t will make a beautiful
pictured A pretty woman throwing aside
all reserve and surrendering herself to her
gallant, noble lover"
The author pushed away the manuscript
and asked with suppressed emotion:
ANY more effective business for this
heroine?"
"Oh, yes. When the grand reconciliation
comes and the hero is found to be a good
man, and all ends happily
II draw the line there" exclaimed the
author, fercely. do you realize that the
heroine is to be played by my wife? Do
you think Pm going to write out a license
in this manuscript for every man in the
cast to fold her in his arms and kiss her?
No, sir. / won't do it. Well lop out some
of this business, or the heroine will be in
disposed on the opening night. Chicago
Tribune.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

A stranger euterel the pneeting house IN
he middle Of the service and took a seat in
he back pew Presently he whispered to
she man at his side, evidently one of the
Did members;
''How long has he been preachings"
"Thirty or forty years. | think. = said the
slderly man: Il dent know exactly"
sI'll stay. then" said the stranger HE
must be nearly done."- Louis Republic
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
Nothing to Saw.

Fogg-I think that Brown is about as
indulgent husband as there is going. He
went home last evening and found his wife
hugging and kissing bald headed fellow.
and didn't make bit of fuss about it.
Mrs. Fogg-Then all I've got to say is
the more fool he. Why didn't he kick the
old rascal down stairs?
Fogg-Oh. he wasn't SO very old: quite
young, on the contrary. And besides what
would you think of father who kicked
his first and only baby down stairs?-Bos-
ton Transcript.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
An Important Item.

Alienist--I see nothing in the patient to
denote insanity.
Inquirer-You're sure of that, are you.
doctorP Pm particular about this thing,
you know, because she is my wife.
Alienist-Ah! Is that so? That's i'm
portant, though even that may indicate
only temporary alteration. Boston Tran
script.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
Might BE of Public Interest.

II will print the poem for you," said the
editor kindly, after the poets sixteenth
visit, "but you must give me your adj
dress"
"Oh no need of that; you can give me
what it's worth now"
"But, you see, if l print the poem some
Of our readers might be interested in
searching you out, you know. ''-Philadel-
phia Times
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
A Rising Diplomas

Teacher pointing to caricature Of him.
self on blackboard)- III ollerbach, You are
the best of my pupils. Say. who drew that
horrid face on the board?
Scholar-Please, sir, my sense of honor
forbids my acting the part of an informer
unless you assure the perpetrator immu-
nity from punishment.
Teacher-Ahl for your sake we will let
it pass this time. Now, who was it?
Scholar did it myself. -Daheim.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

Inc lear Olu Farm.
When I was JUS a CROWN up
didn't think twas fun
Ter stan n hoe pertaters
N punkins in the sun
Ner to git up ev'ry mornin
Afore twas hardly light,
To feed the pigs n cattle
Afore could hev a bite
Ner to drive the cows to pasture
N bosses to the field,
IN plow ten acres of farm land
En- get my back well heeled-
Ner to bre'k path in winter
Wen my hands were almos' fruz
An to hear from hind the winder:
Look at Lazyl Dear me suzy'
didn't think then that farmin life
Was noways fine bit
Though that was thirty years ago
Adjourned if do viii
-Dundas Banner.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
Quite in Keeping.
.arino,

Seeker--I see your friend, DR.. Warning.
has become an author.
Sageman-Don't say2 That old FOSSIL
Quite suggestive of himself, likely.
Seeker-I don't know about that; it's on
diseases of the spinal column
Sageman-.Just as l expected-a ''back''
number. Boston Courier.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

She lat her deskj-Dear. please tell me
now to spell costume. Pm writing to
mother about my lovely new gown
He-Well, are you readyi
She-Yes
He-C-o-s-t. cost.
She-Yes.
He-T-o, to.
She-Well?
He-M-e, me-s200, as yet unpaid.
She-You're wretch. Pittsburg Bull
letin.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

Clergyman Showing lady visitor round
the church)-So, madam, you have now
seen the organ and the nave, should like
next to conduct you to the altar
Lady-Oh, this is so sudden.-Freisin-
MICE Zeituno
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
Easy Enough.

"You say you are good washer and
ironer. How 10 you tell when the irons
are too hot?''
"How? BY smelling the burning linen,
mum, of course WHAT'S my nose for?"--
Philadelphia Times
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

Young Lady Patient-Doctor, what do
you do when you burn your mouth with
hot coffee?
Observation-Disclosures Decameron.
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
A Grin, Joke.

Prisoner Gin Jail, looking ct the sky
through the bars of his cell What fright
full weather. think won't &C out todayl
-Dorfbarbier
The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08

Deaf and Dumb Man-Jess 'scuse me,
please; I'm depos'ter.-Scribner' Maya
zine
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-06-19

fortresses. These machines are used by
orderlies 70 carry messages from the
main fortresses to the detached forts
They have also been put to some use to
maintain communications between the
sections Of an outpost force.
France was rather behind hand 10 in
stituting bicycle service, though the
machines have been used regularly for
army work for years. In 1886 bicycle
riders were very successfully used as de-
spatch bearers during the maneuvres Of
the Eighteenth army corps. These
cyclists as rule carried seven or eight
dispatches a day, making an average
distance OF fifty miles a day for no less
than eight consecutive days. The Of
fcers OF the general staff were particu-
larry struck with the freshness Of the
bicyclists after run Of forty OF fifty
miles, and it was found that even on
cross country footpaths very fair rate
OF speed was maintained.
USED FOR REcoNNoITERING.
During the principal engagements Of
the forces the general commanding In
trusted all his orders to bicycle riders,
and also made use of them for recon
noitering purposes. The General in his
report to the Secretary OF War stated
that throughout the operations he had
not employed 3 single horseman as an
orderly, and that bis messages had been
carried three times as rapidly as usual.
In the year following, 1857, when the
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-06-19

French mobilization of the Ninth and
Seventeenth corps took place, special
inducements were offered 70 those ex-
pert bicycle riders who would turn out
with their machines. The best men only
were selected from the numerous vol
uuteers. Ten were attached to the staff
of each army corps, FIVE to each divis-
ional staff and two TO each brigade stan.
The results were highly satisfactory.
The day speed averaged from twelve 10
fifteen miles an hour, aud the night
speed about eight 10 ten miles an hour.
Journeys of sixty miles in day was Of
ten performed, and this was regarded as
the maximum that a rider could accom-
plish day after day.
ONLY EXPERTS ACCEPTED.
The French army bicycle corps is
made no of civilians who stand pledged,
under certain conditions, 10 attend the
maupuvres and perform certain SER
vices. This employment OF reseryists-
as they are called-has had the effect OF
greatly stimulating the riding OF oi-
cycles, and the results obtained are re-
markable. A machine that can be made
under a skillful rider, to travel at the
rate Of nearly twenty miles an hour,
and keep up this speed for five or six
consecutive hours, constitute no mean
power when brought into actual war
service.
So far the French detail these cyclists
only as carriers of expresses and order
lies. They are not assigned to duty as
outriders or as an dUdnt gdrds, nor or
they ever used as combatants. But the
possibility of rapidly moving large
force of armed infantry, from sixty to
seventy miles in comparatively few
hours is being seriously discussed, and
there are not wanting those In France
who predict that the bicycle will In the
future become part Of the infantry SOL
dier's equipment.
ENGLAND's EXPERIMENTS.
England had the idea OF using ol-
cyclists as orderlies suggested TO her In
1881 by one of her regular officers, at
time when bicycle clubs were being
formed all over the Kingdom LORD
Elcho, an authority on military mat
tiers. suggested that the clubs we're al
ready in sufficient training to volunteer
for active service in the held,
all they needed being "rine
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-06-19

one OF the little fellows ventured into a
deepIsh place he was sure 10 be seized
by some large hsh--the large fish seemed
to be perch, and there were half dozen
or so OF them. Every perch that came
near was attacked by the mother fish
aud driven back several feet or yards,
but whenever the mother fish attempted
70 20 back TO her young one or more Of
the perch would bite her Her caudal
fl or tail was torn In pieces. | watched
the battle for some tlme. The old cat
FISH was getting tho worst OF Il, and
when / left she was making brave bu4
losing fight. One BY one her offspring
were picked of, the perch occasionally
rushing into the shallow water close 70
the school OF young fishes. do not
know whether my observation Is the
only one Of the kind or not.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-06-19

cvcIe Ior service In time of war had been
made by almost every army except that
of the United States, and that as the re-
suit of these experiments the bicycle
had done very we'll In Germany, France,
England, Austria and Russia.
The question Of the employment OF
cycles for military purposes is thus
brought prominently into notice In this
country and should receive careful con-
sideration, for a distinguished army Of
ficer sees in the wheel distinct military
advantages. One of these is that by the
use of bicycles commanding officer will
be enabled 10 reach certain rategic
points before the enemy. This is re-
parded as one Of the most urgent re-
ouirements of modern warfare, and the
general who possesses this power Will
have an enormous advantage over an
adversary who lacks 1t.
WHAT OTHER ARMIES HAVE DONE WITH
CYCLES.
Military cycling, that is, the employ
ment OF bicycles or tricycles for service
with armies, seems to have been first
put in practice in Italy, where, during
the army manouvres Of 1875, regular
service Of cyclists was established Tor
carving on communication between the
quartermaster general and the chiefs OF
the battalions. The experiments were
continued in the following years, and II
was found that orderlies thus mounted
could cover about eighteen miles an
hour, and keep up this pace for several
hours. The Italian military papers
have consistently advocated this use OF
cycles even to the exclusion OF horses
urging that the machines require COM
paratiyely little care and no food, and
that they can go not only wherever
cavalry can 20 but even wherever In
fantry can pass, for man can lift his
machine ever any obstacles that ne can
climb himself.
At the present time every italian reg
ment of infantry possesses four or five
bicycles on which soldiers who volun-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-06-19

not be tempted to mount the wagon
and the convoy could move faster tina
II the escort were composed OF infantry
and the cyclist could reconnoitre widel
to the front or TANKS. As an escort 10
guns they would prove efficient, for al
such infantry duties can be more quick
ly done by wheelmen,
Enough has been SAD
value Of bicyclIsts TO an ar
United States there are thi
militia bicycle organizations,
usefulness has never been p
test. II the War Department
encourage the formation OF
should prepare rules for their s
muster them iLto service and
them TO work with the regular
during certain specified times.
way useful and valuable arm
service would be organized that
some day prove OF incalculable
should war come upon US.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-06-19
LIB BIKE IN WAR;
RIDERS OF THE SILENT STEED" FIND A
PLACE IN THE GREAT
Armies Of Europe as Orderlies and Scouts-Betier
Than Cavalry Sometimss-Ihe Cyoler Can
Go Wherever Infantry Can and Can
Make Better Speed Than cay
airy On Fair Roads.
Nsv York Herald.

H E statement
has been credit
Ell TO General
Miles when he
started his re-
cent message by
bicycle to Gen
eral Howard
from Chicago to
Ne W York, a
distance Of l.
600 miles, that
experiments in
ausIn0 he hi