Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1892-02-13
HOW TO COOK A HUSBAND.
Al ART Which, Once Acquired, Is
Mast Usefnl One

=" ART Which. Once Acquired, Is n
Most Useful One.
V l.y Il good husband is spoiled in the
rc"hins. In selecting your husband you
should not be guided by a silvery appear
ance, as in buying mackerel, nor by the
golden tint, as if you wanted salmon.
The best way is to select him yourself as
for him the best are always brought to
your home. Having caught one, you
must learn how to cook him, to make
good dish for your home
Some men are roasted too much in cook
ing and some keep them constantly in
hot water, while others freeze them i'll
conjugal coldness. Some keep them in
pickle all their lives. Such women serve
them up with tongue sauce. Some women
use too much spice. a little spice improves
them, but must be used with judgment.
Now it is not to be supposed that hus-
bands will be tender and good if treated
IN this way, but they are very delicious
when managed as follows:
Get large preserving kettle, called the
kettle of carefulness, which all good
housewives should have on hand. Place
your husband in it, and place it near the
fire of conjugal love. Let the fire be clear,
and above all let the heat be constant;
cover him over with affection; garnisll
him with the spice of pleasantly; add a
little sugar in the form of what confec-
tiouers call kisses; let them be accom-
panied with a sufficient portion of secrecy,
miXed with prudence and moderation.
Never use vinegar or pepper on any ac-
count. In getting him ready for the ket
tie see that the linen you wrap him in is
of the best and the tie strings newly sewed
on. Tie him in by a strong silk cord
called comfort; keep your cover of duty
well over him and your steady fire of love
burning bright.
Do not stick him with fork to see if
he has become tender, but stir him gently,
and you can not fail to know when he is
done If he should sputter and fizze do
not be alarmed. Some do this until quite
done. Be sure he is kept we'll in the ket-
tie until done; for, like the lobster, he is
cooked while alive. When done, take
him from the kettle and place him at your
neatly spread table, and serve him good
dinner. Unless you become careless or
set him in cold place, he will keep well
cooked in this way.
Now, to be fair we must look at the
other side. The husband who is prepared
for his home table in this way must al
ways come home good tempered, leaving
business cares behind, and not vent its
annoyance on his wife. Make yourself
agreeable to your wife and friends. Be
lrnient to your wife's faults. Be punctual
at your meals. Remember a cook can
not keep a dinner waiting without its
spelling. If you should be in a hurry do
not expect she has two pair of hands. Be
as kind and attentive to her as you were
before your marriage.
Don't be afraid of little fun at home
and don't make her shut the house up
tor fear the sun should fade the carpets,
Cor merry heart in the home does good,
ike medicine. Home should be wo-
mans heaven in the world, and if your
wife keeps your home in order, her meals
regular and we'll served, and does he:
best to please, let her see you appreciate
her. and she will be preserved in the jar
of perfection, as you have been cooked
N the kettle of carefulness minneapolis
Tribune