The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-09-28


Elrnird Gazette.
There is an ocean of difference be-
tween a mans rights and his wants.
GGlveston Neags.
o, that all of our mistakes were hay
stacks so that we could raise fine cat
tle.-Galvestoss Neacs.
The hot spell of summer is known
as the dog days because it is too warm
then to make sausage.-HGzletoa Sen
ttsael
Irate Father-"Did you ever earn
dollar in your life?" Sony es, father,
several. But you never paid me" y
Puck.
"Do you enjoy good health, Mr..
Testyp" asked McQueary. "Yes; when
get any" snapped the old dyspeptic.
Puck.
sightp" She-"I do if it is accompa-
MED by the engagement ring. p
Brooklyn Life.
When you say man is as honest as
the day is long, you don't necessarily
imply that he is thief at night
Buffalo Express.
@This is leap year." said Miss Flypp,
refectively. "Yes, but look before
you leap" replied Miss Fosdick.
troit Free Press.
Women dentists are great success
in London. They belong to profess
sion that has knack of catching on.
Boston Globe.
She-sDo you love me for myself
aloneP" He-"Yes, and when we're
married don't want any of the family
thrown in."-1U-Bits.
When mother tells her boy he is
getting to be just like his father he
knows very well it is not intended as
a compliment.-Atc Globe.
Harry-"Did they have mosquitoes
at the hotel where you stoppedP" Jack
Al think not; wasn't charged for
any on the bill. IN. 7. Herald.
@I hear Harkins was struck by light
ming down on the Jersey coast last
week" Eyes" Il wonder what they
charged him for it. ."-Harper's BazGr.
%Did you have good time at the
picnic, MaudP" "No. Horrid." "How
was. that?" 81 was kept busy taking
care of our chaperon." - Harper'S
BazGr.
"My old man." said Mrs. Grogan, ais
all right barrin' little fondness for
drink. His love for pfwisky is his
strongest weakness. = Indianapolis
Journal.
Bilkins-"I never sent my boy on an
errand yet that he didn't forget hall
the things" Wilkins-"Guess you
never tried him on a collection of fire
works."-Good Nee0s.
Yabs1ey-"Do they set pretty appe.
tizing meals at your house, Mudg P"
Mudge-"AppetizingP o, yes. A fel-
low gets up hungrier than when he sal
down. Indianapolis Journal.
Greene-sIt is only fair to let a fell
low sleep all he wants to in church.
White-@How SOP" Greene-"The
confounded bells don't let him get any
rest at home. IN z. Herald.
Il hate Smithwick," said Brown
stone, aand I'm glad his boy is musi-
CAL" "Whyp" asked his friend. "Be-
cause am going to give him an &C
Gordon. Boston Transcript.
When young man pawns his win
ter overcoat to obtain a bouquet for a
young lady friend it is no sign that he
is very much in love. He may be just
an ordinary fool.--SOmerVilLe Journal
SIN heaven there is neither marrying
nor giving in marriage" quoted Miss
claimed Mr.. Larimer, who is q con-
firmed old bachelor. Pitts6urg Iele-
graph.
"Why did you preach on constancy
th4s morningp" asked the parsons
wife. Because" was the answer, sit
makes me sad to think of the fees lost
in summer engagements" ~ 7.
Herald.
Little Dick-"Mamma, may I &c
over to Johnnie Blacks house to play?"
Mamma-"Why do you spend all your
time at Johnnie Blacklist" Little Dick
-"His mamma hasn't any new car
pets. Good Neaos.
First Summer Girl-"Too bad, dear.
So all is over between you and Mr.
Nicefello?" Second Summer Cir
(weeping)-"Yes, he-he hadn't any
mo-more ice cream money, boo, hoo,
hoo!"-M Y. Weekly.
Neighbob-"And you expect to sup
port my daughter on $40 a weekP'
Clarklets -"Yes, sir" Neighbob-
well, go ahead; my heart refuses, bu
my pocketbook consents. She cost
me $50."-N. 7. Herald.
George a fellows bes
girl gets mad when you ask for kiss.
Henry-"Take it without asking.
George-"Suppose she gets mad thenp'
Henry-"Then you've got some othe,
fellows girl."-M. Y. Weekly.
Editor-aIs that new man the expe
rienced journalist he pretends to bep
nt-"Undoubtedly. I've beel
watching him for half an hour and h
hasn't stuck the paste brush into tn
ink bottle yet."-M Y. Weekly.
Housekeeper-"No, no, no. I dom
want anything. This is the tent
time have had TO say this this morn
ing" Tramp Peddler--"Don't ye
want ter hire me to stay here an sa,
it fer yer, ma'am?"-Hagper's Bazaar.
Mrs. Bangup-"What ahorribly old
fashioned woman that Mrs. Mother
hood isl" Mr.. Bangup-"You told m
she always wore the latest Paris fash
ions" Mrs. Bangup-"Yes, she does
But she goes out riding every day wit
a last years ."-Puck.
Hungry Higgins-"I b'lieve if Iwen
into business Of any kind I'd be law
yer" Weary Watkins-"I dunno
Seems to me like profession where
man does 81, 900 worth of work to ge
$500 for his client must be purity har
hustlin'.- Indianapolis Journal.
Mother-"I see the iceman ha
brought great big lump this time
Did you tell him l said that if he didn
stop giving short weight I'd have hir
arrested?" Little Dick-"No'm; tol
him you said he was tn handsomes
iceman that ever came here. Goo
Nea0s.
Bingo-"I would like to ask 20
down to my cottage by the sea, oil
man, but we have only two bedrooms.
Kinkley-"O, that's all right, wh
sleeps in the other one?" Bingo-"N
one, but my wife has to have that on
to hang up her clothes in."-CIoak r
Uiea0.
Col. Yerger got Sam Johnsing
hold his horse while he, the colone
went into a saloon. 81 expect you al
pretty thirsty, amt you, SamP" aske
the colonel when he came out wipin