The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1892-10-19

CONTESTANTS In the running races
at the fair should prepare by taking
bottle Of catchup. -Lowell Courier.
The man who was too full for ut.
terance went TO jail instead of going
to the fight. New Orleans Picayune.
GETTING ahead" in the liquor
traffic isn't always to be interpreted
as an assurance OF progress. Boston
Courier
THE hot spell of summer IS known
as the dog days because it is too warm
then to make sausage. -Hazleton
Sentinel.
So MANY people GO around looking
as though they had a piece Of Linz
burger cheese under their noses.-
Atchison Globe.
WHY not make the cactus the ma
tional flower? 1t has more fine points
than any other yet mentioned Chi
cage Inter Ocean.
JUDGING BY SoUND.-Phwat's thot
noise, Mis- Mullaly? "Mary AIMS
practisin' the scales" "Begorrah,
she must weigh a ton. Judge.
The self-closing door-spring is an
awful aggravation to the man who is
going out of your Office mad and
wants to slam the door. -Siftings.
GowITT--What, you broke, Brolly!
thought you had snug sum in the
bank for rainy day?" Brolly-SO 1
had, but it rained on the bank. -
Puck.
Il HEAR Harkins was struck by
| lightning down on the Jersey coast
last week." "Yes." Il wonder what
they charged him for it."-Harper's
Bazaar.
TRoTHER-"Youl look sad" Barlow
i am. l took my best girl to
church and put So in the plate in
order to impress her and she never
Saw it. New York Herald.
81 THINK" said the man who saw
the distortions Of his ready-made
| clothes reflected in a mirror, "that
| this would unquestionably be a suit
| for libel. Washington Star.
WILLIE wanted to drive the horses.
"You can't drive" said his father.
yes, l can too" insisted Willie
| Mamma says drive her crazy most
every day. "-DeJroit FREQ Press.
DoCToR-"Do not expose yourself
to heavy dews Of the night air while
in the country, my dear" Daughter
-"Why, pa, where did you learn so
much about bangs?"-New York
Weekly.
a REASONABLE REQUEST Wee
Son-Mamma, me wants pants.
Mamma-My pet is too little yet.
Wee Son-Well, me fnks me might
have s'penders to my dwess, anyhow.
Good News.
I'VE must attack this trouble
promptly" said the physician. Eyes,
replied the patient, who had just
taken dose Of medicine, "but L wish
you could be little less bitter In
your attacks. Washington Star.
The Boston girl never hollers
hello" at the mouth Of the telephone.
She simply says, as she puts the re-
| ceiver to her ear: 81 take the liber-
ty Of addressing you via wire sur
charged with electricity. Texas
| Siftings.
THAT beats me-" said good Mrs.
Jason, as she read that fire was
supposed to have been caused by
mice eating matches" "I've heard
Of pie-eating matches and sich, but
| this is a new e."-IndianapoliJ
Journal.
GRANDEUR OF THE MIDDLE NAME
Happy the young woman nowadays
,, who has a middle name with sono-
rous sound. Susan G. Nipper looks
commonplace, but Susan Cholmondely
Nipper is too fine for anything
Boston Transcript.
IL WOULDN'T care to be Lawyer
Browne on Judgment Day. He'll be
In the SOUP" mo, he won't.
Brownies smart. He'll get an adj
journment of his case to next day,
and then there won't be any next
day. Brooklyn Life.
why" inquired Slug 1144, ais the
letter 'S' like an unpaid wash bill?"
us this one Of those new progressive
| fakes?" suspiciously asked Slug Ill.
Nav. An unpaid wash bill Is like
the letter 'S' because it might make
asprinter Of printer. indianapolis
Journal.
HUsBAND-"Well, how is my wife
progressing?" Doctor-"Hum! moth
| ing dangerous. i think If prescribe
four weeks at Wicsbaden she will be
| all right. But IL you excite her tenn
per through opposition, it might
easily run to eight weeks at the sea-
, side.--"Eulenspiegel.
DELIA-Can't you go down shop
ping with me this afternoon? want
to get my husband birthday gift.
Esther-Yes; what are you going to
get himp Delia-Well, l have been
thinking about 1t for some time, and
/ think / need table linen and rugs
more than anything. -Chicago Inter
| Ocean.
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