davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
War and Vans.

War is frightful thing under all
circumstances, and some OF the most
dreadful wars have been waged on
the most fiimsy and foolish pretexts,
even If they had a pretext at all; but
probably no stranger reason for war
or pence was ever recorded than has
been noted by French governor OF
the South Pacific colony Of New Gale
donia.
This governor who was also an adj
miral OF the navy, assumed his au,
thority while the natives of New Cnl-
edonia were still cannibals. There
had been rumors of an insurrection,
and the admiral called before him q
native chief who was faithful to the
French cause, and questioned him as
to their truth.
"You may besure, said the ma tive,
"that there will be no war at pres
emit, because the yams are far from
being ripe"
"The vans, you say?"
eyes. Our people never make war
except when the yams are ripe"
"Why is that?"
Because baked yams 90 so very
well with the captivesl"-Youths
Companion. J.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16

the bills IN this fashion, msrsly con-
sidsrsd a. . question oflabor. remun-
erativs or otherwise, cannot possibly
pay, they arv always either fifties or
twenties, and to make one must 70
quire pretty constant toll for quite
llalfa year. Tire last one, which was
received q few days ngo, was q double
X.
nyenough they come cnch time
from u different city, and the SUPPOSE
ton Is that the forger leaves town
for another locality Immediately up
on passing one. He gets rid Of the
Hute he hos Just completed, which
Ify1iy remain Ia circulation tor some
time before reaching q bank, and de.
parts long before the police agents
have q chance to arrive upon the
scene. The most plausible theory
seems to DO that he is n monomaniac
Of means, who gratifes morbid
taste In this stonishing why. His
imitation bills are SO perfectly done
that no one short of a professional
expert. would hesitate to take them
for good money. From the vignettes
to the signatures the work is perform
ell withan accuracy that bears scru-
tiny with a powerful magnifying
glass. In all likelihood the reason
why the notes are not made of larger
denominations is that they would be
proportionately more difficult to
pass. One can imagine that this &C.
centric counterfeiter INDUCES In the
employment simply for the gratifica-
ton Of his vanity. 1t 10 not improb-
able that he himself has been shown
the frame at the treasury building In
which two specimens of his handi-
work are shown by polite attendants
to visitors MS the most extraordinary
samples of forgeries in the govern
ment collection. Anyway he goes on
turning out the bills ut regular inter-
walls of six months, thus occasioning
periodical spasms OF evaporation IN
the secret-service bureau.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
ATouohIne story.

Says a writer in the New York Star:
II was talking with a postal clerk,
recently, who had just returned
from Pitsburg, and he told me q
touching story which came to light
in that city. A blank envelope was
found In the mail, and it was opened
to ascertain the address ofthe sender.
There was hone. and the only sigma
ture was From your brother
WILL" The letter went on to state
that the writer hsd pawned his coat
to raise $40, whicn was inclcsed, to
send to his sister, who was starving.
The letter stated that he hoped the
money would relieve her distress. =
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
The WORLD ooEs ON.

I have stood BY mouldering tombs,
In the valley OF decay.
Where, like shadows OF tho night,
Come the sorrows OF the day.
have watched the cortege pass
Up the dusty village street,
And I've listened to the trampling
OF the ghost-returning feet
have heard the lamentations
OF nation bowed In woe,--
And I've stood beside the dying.
Watched the fitful ebb and How
OF the breath that struggled bravely
On the portals of sigh;
But the world goes on as ever,
Never matter who may die.
Dead men do not blast the flowers,
Stay the sun upon its way.
For there's sunshine 'mong the willow
In the valley Of decay.
) Chicago Sun.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
Something 20 Eat.

Can get something to eat here?'
he inquired humbly OF the cook at the
kitchen door.
oh yes plenty" she said. with
smiling generosity. "You can get a
chop at the wood pile or loaf out
on the bench in the back yard or a
bite of meat from the dog. or roast
from the lady Of the house II she sees
you. or some club sauce from the
hired man. or"
Jaw come of the griddle he in
terrupted. You're talkin' through
your bonnet What's the matter with
me gittin an entree at the jailp Ira
Ia cookie" and he went away.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
Worse and Woraa.

Old German Professor, to his house
keeper: II say, Frau Rumpelhuber,
what am to do with that large sum
OF money that has been left mep"
Housekeeper: "You had better 1t
it out on interest, Herr Professor.
Professor: INTEREST," Worse and
worse! Why, that will make it larger
still!-Ffiegende Batter.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16

The assistant mildly acknowledged
that he knew quite wen who the young
lady was. but explained that the
cheque was not made out just
ne u should DO. And he handed It
back.
The girl ran her eye over It,
and then turned a deep crimson.
"Oh," she exclaimed, II see! And
then she proceeded TO make out an
other cheque.
She had signed the first one. "Your
own sweetheart, Jessie"
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
The irlshman's Treat,

An Irishman picked up round bit
OF tin in the street. 1t looked like
coin, and he walked into the nearest
saloon and ordered a drink, putting
down the disk when he had finished.
Here" said the bar-keeper; "this is
tin"
Tin, il it?" said the Irishman.
Thin hev wan yourself. Judge.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
Often the Case.

Magistrate = "Why did you run
away from Farmer Furrow? Didn't
you get enough to eat?"
Bound Boy-"Got plenty"
did you get enough olothes?"
Had lots"
"Were you worked too hard?"
Hadn't much ter do
"Was it lonely there?"
Nope; / had good enough time"
"Then why did you run away"
"Canse | had good chance
Street & Smiths Good News.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
a slander Rapallad.

Mistress Norah, how does it hap
pen ! find you idlying away your time
in that rocking chair?
Domestic, with languid majesty
I'm not idling. mem. i am reposinc.
I'm q Desarshean, mem. Chicago
Tribune.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
re was llomely. roo.

Fangle-It seems to me very strange
that Mrs. McJunkin should lavish SO
much affection on that homely pug
dog.
Cumso-Not at all. You ought to
see her husband.-Epoch.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
A Promising Pupil.

A professor OF philosophy had An
old housekeeper. with whom he oftei,
'njoyed a friendly chat, just rs Moliere
did when his servant Laforet. One
day at lunch he reverted to the sub
ject of Fatalism, which he had beci
expounding at the morning lecture,
and puzzled her with clever sophisms
to which she could find nothing to re-
ply, for "since thing happens it is
certain that is was to happen and
could not have happened otherwise.
At six o'clock the professor came in
again.
why the cloth is not laid; isn't
dinner ready?"
Monsieur, there is no dinner"
"Whatl no dinner. How's this?"
because what is written is written.
II Monsieur is to dino he will dine; IL
he is not to dine it is not q bit OF use
my lighting the fire and setting the
pans to boil; Monsieur won't get any
dinner"
"Well and good; but il the effects
are decreed beforehand, so are causes.
That is just why people go down the
stairs instead OF jumping out the win
dow"
That's what thought, Monsieur,
with out being able to express it; and
SO l have made tie dinner. LA
Gaudriole.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
Gladstone Times.

-Four times in my life / have been
glad that lived"
Only fourP"
Yes; once when was married and
the other three times when / got my
divorce. Judge
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
Got Them Mixed.

He hadn't a cent but he went into
the saloon just the same. The smell
was something.
"Got anything for meH" he said at
a venture to the barkeeper.
''Naw. Go jangle YOURSELF" scowled
the barkeeper.
"But you ought to have something
for me-" he persisted.
"Well. Ihave, il you want it." said
the barkeeper on second thought, with
an ugly grin.
"What is it?" and his face lig hted
up.
'The bounced" yelled he barkeeper,
and the next minute he had tackled
the intruder.
For. two minutes the fur flew, and
at the end of that period the bar
keeper was packed away in the cor
ner with the stranger sitting on him,
putting and blowing.
"Where's that bounced" he asked
triumphantly, after he had recovered
his wind.
"That's all right" was the smother
ed reply. ~ guess ! got the bounces
mixed, and picked out some other
fellows for yours. Git of my collar
and I'll set 'em up until you can float
in it,"
And he did.-Detroit Free Press.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
He Sold Pond Lilies.

Scott Leighton was sketching a land
scape near Poland Springs, Me-, one
day, when he found a dilapidated-
looking man gazing over his shoulder
ut the canvas.
"Humph!" calculated the visitor,
more in scorn than in earnest, as he
gazed at the embryo work OF art,
what do you paint them for-the
MARKET"
Eyes" said Mr.. Leighton.
"Well, you must paint lot ofthem
to get living. l guess you have a
harder way OF getting n living than 1
have"
Bravely endeavoring to hide smile
the artist asked: "What is your bust
ness?"
"Oh, / peddle pond allies" answered
the old man, as he walked away
Chicago Journal
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
A SuperstItlous Creature.

He-"You acknowledge that you
er-like me, yet refuse.
She, belle OF the season-"Yes, 1
must. Thirteen is an unlucky num-
ber."
"Eh?"
"You are the thirteenth man who
has proposed to me; and if we should
become engaged, I'm afraid some
thing dreadful would happen"
"You are foolishly superstitious.
What could happen?"
81 might marry you."-New York
Weekly.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
A Capital spot.

Mrs. Billus lat her husbands Office
down town. John, don't want you
to forget to order that set OF dining
room chairs l spoke to you about.
The Glizzards are coming next Thurs
day.
Mr.. Billus-I'll get the chairs, Maria,
II you'll let me alone. Can't you put
q memorandum of some kind where
I'll be sure to see it and then quit
bothering me about them?
Mrs. Billus-That's what / am do
ing John. Pm writing it in the dust
on the top OF your desk.-Chicago
Tribune.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
BRIGHT SHAFTS OF WIT.
the MOST pIoUANr SAUCE FOR
A DULL. DINNER.
intellectual Lightning Flashes that
iiiumines the Mental Firm
amsnt and Evokes
Poaie OF Thun-
der.
HIs Mother Was Pleased. but Par
tiouiar.

HIs Mother Was Pleased, but Par
tiouIar.
Four long years had Jack, the sail
or, been away, and his ship was re-
ported 'lost with all on board" The
news seemed to pile years on his faith
er's bent shoulders; his mothers smile
faded out, and wrinkles scanned her
cheeks. One summer day, however,
as the two came slowly out OF the
church with their pretty daughters
all three scarcely balancing the loss OF
one dear soma shabby, bronzed, and
handsome fellow rushed up to the
group and took his mother in his
arms.
"It's my boy! my own boy!" cried
she, throwing her arms about him and
smothering him with kisses, while the
father managed to get possession OF
one brown, sinewy hand.
"Come, mother, give us q chance!"
cried the girls in chorus, and by this
time the entire congregation had sur
rounded the wanderer, and claimed his
greeting.
"But you were drowned, Jack!" ex-
claimed the youngest sister, and Jack
laughed as he explained
mo, only partly. Two OF US float
ed for days, reached an island in the
Pacific, fell in with friendly savages,
and then-waited for ship. Got my
belt full of money, father, but couldn't
wait to buy q rag of decent clothes"
Everyone was softly weeping, and
not soul dreamed that the tragic
Joy of the occasion could be turned in
to mirth. Suddenly Jacks mother,
wrought up beyond endurance, open
ed her lips and spoke
"Jack," said she, sharply, faint
you ashamed to come back with such
q ragged old handkerchief as THAR"
Jack roared, and SO did the neigh
bors. Tears were wiped away and
laughter reigned.
A"Preferred" Creditor.
A good story is going the rounds
about a New York merchant who re-
Gently failed for large amount. He
called all his creditors together and
offered to settle with them for ten
cents on the dollar, giving them his
notes, payable in thirty days.
AS most of the creditors had little
hope OF getting anything, they eagerly
accepted the proposition. One man,
however, stood out for better terms,
and all efforts to get him to agree were
futile. Finally the bankrupt took him
out in the hall and said: "Ven you
come in an sign NIT de udders den l
make you preferred creditor"
"All right" said the kicker, "undor
those circumstances l will agree to q
settlement"
The papers were signed and all the
creditors left except the one who had
been told he was to bepreferred.
"Vat are you waiting for?" said the
man who had failed.
"Why, you said was to be prefer
red. / am waiting to know what l
am to get"
"Vell, tell you; you get notings."
Get nothing? Why, you promised
to make me preferred creditor il i
would sign with the rest"
"And so you are. ] make you pre-
ferred. l tell you now you get not
ings; de udders wait t'irty days before
dey know it AMI den dey get noting"
Paper Mill.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
How She Signed the Cheaus.

The other day q young lady,
daughter Of a well-known millionaire,
drove up to the door OF jewellers
shop, went in, selected turquoise and
diamond ring, valued at $3.50. She
quietly made out her cheque for that
sum and passed it to the assistant.
The alert young man glanced at it,
and then looked inquiringly up at the
young lady.
"There is some mistake here,
think" said he, with an apologetical
smile.
1.-THE young lady flushed, and de-
manded to know II the cheque was
not for the right amount. She was
told it was, but
"But whatf" she exclaimed, haught-
lily. "Do you mean that my chequc is
not acceptable9"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26

AS to whether it is Friday or Sun
day on the other side of the earth de-
ponds upon where the day begins,
and scientific men finally came to an
agreement on a definite spot where,
by common consent, the sun should
rise on a new day for the whole world.
The spot is Faster Island, in the Pa
cific Ocean, west of Chill. There the
day is deemed to end and begin.
When the sun rises on Easter Island
it brings (let us say Monday with it
and this Monday accompanies the sun
all around the globe until that orb
again reaches the mid ocean island
when at once Tuesday dawns for the
whole world
Thus, if it be Saturday at sunset
here it will be Sunday about sunrise
in China and though we may be ahead
Of the Celestial Empire in the achieve
ments of science and the develop
ment Of civilization, they beat us by
a day in time and are already up in
the morning hours before US.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26

The oldest and it is said the largest
match factory in the world is in Swe
den. Matches were made there long
before the old roughly trimmed splin
tiers Of wood, tipped with sulphur, was
discarded with the finder boxes, for
which they were used. In twenty five
years the export trade of Sweden in
modern matches increased 1000, OOO,
900 boxes in year.
Some Of the machines for making
matches which we use in these days
make 200 revolutions a minute each
and turn out about $4,000 matches
daily. Rather more than five matches
per head for the whole population are
used daily in the United States.
Strange to say the quality Of these
Swedish matches, in many cases, is so
bad that the state intends to resume
the manufacture and computes that
the profit will produce revenue of
S1,000,O0 Altogether in Europe
there are about $4,000 factories, and
they yearly produce matches valued
at 800, 100000.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26

PANTs.-A boy in the Wichita school
California, has been suspended for
reading the following essay on Pants.
Pants are made for men and not
men for pants. Women are made for
men and not pants. When a man
pants for woman and woman pants
for man they are pair of pants.
Such pants don't last. Pants are like
mollasses they are thinner in hot
weather and thicker in cold The
man in the moon changes his pants
during the eclipse. Don't go to the
pantry for pants you may be mistak-
en-. Men are often mistaken in pants.
Such mistakes make breaches of
promise. There has been much dis
cussion as to whether pants is singu-
lar or plural. Seems to US when men
wear pants they are plural and when
they don't wear any they are singu-
lar. Men get on a tear in their pants
and its all right; but when the pants
get on tear it is all wrong.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26

A WONDERFUL FISH STORY.-When
[ was fishing on the Kankakee some
fifteen years ago, said the man with
a cigarette, a whirlwind came along
and carried Off my vest that was hang
ing on limb just over my head. 1t
had my watch in it and tailor's ac-
count. Well, the whole outfit sailed
out of sight in less than a minute
Seven years afJerward a party of us
were camped up the same river, only
100 yards farther up. 1t was my turn
to do the cooking, SO [ started out for
some dry wood, stepping on log,
which caved in, and 10! as the story
books say, there lay my watch, with
the same old tailor's bill twisted thro'
the ring. 1t was still running.
Oh, come off! You want us to ask
you how such a thing could be, and
then you'll explain that the whirlwind
wound your watch up so tight that it
ran for seven years.
[ didn't say the watch was still run
ming, said the story teller, as he light
ed another bacillus exterminator; I
had reference to the tailor's bill. 1t
is running yet, in fact.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26

farmer bought five empty whis-
barrels one day to put his cider
He set them in shed which was
against a rocky hillside until he
ready to use them. A few days
{ he went in to look at the bar
and to his surprise saw snakes
Fl1ng in and out of the bung holes.
y had come from the crevices in
rocks. The farmer quickly fasten-
p the bung-holes, went for his
hbors, armed them with clubs,
the bung out of one barrel, pour
lot water into it, and when the
Fes began to file out he and his
hbors killed them. Each barrel
Fas treated in the same way until
snakes were all killed. Each bar
II liquor contains fiery serpents.
pad of following the example of
farmer, men invite their neigh
to take these serpents in, to
e them a part of themselves.
It strange way for a man to emp
Is barrels of deadly poison!
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26

DEAFNESS CANNOT BE CURED-by local ap-
plicationS they cannot reach the deceased
portion of the ear. There is only way to
cure deafness, and that is by constitutional
remedies Deafness is caused by an inhameo
condition of the mucous lining of the Eusta-
chlanTube. When this tube is infiamed you
have rumbling sound or imperfect hearing,
and when it is entirely closed, Deafness is the
result, and unless the inflammation can be
taken out and this tube restored to it's normal
condition, hearing will be destl Dyed forever;
nine cases out of ten are caused by catarrh,
which IS nothing but an infiamed condition OF
the mucous.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case of Deafness Caused by catarrh) that can
not be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send
for circulars; free.
F. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, o.
rs Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26

hmes r. Young of Philadelphia
Fening STAR" says: GIN the quar-
of a century l have been out in
world plodding my way I bave
b many splendid fellows, some of
|n very near and dear friends, fall
Fhe wayside, vanish from existence,
victims of the cursed habits of
K. 1 have seen rich men become
b.; men of fine intellect become
ates of the insane asylum; refined
accomplished men wearing rags,
Pm to the police courts and sent to
workhouse, men of genial and
by temperaments turn into brutes
be worst order. I have seen re-
b and sensitive women, driven by
last extremity of poverty brought
by the liquor habit of their hus-
Dis, compelled to go out into The
Id to ask from their friends aid for
hselves and children. / could
|e page after page of personal ex-
ence on the subject"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26
v. G. T. u. COLUMN
INCREASE OF JUVENILE CRIME.
Motto: "God and Home and Native Land

MDr. Buckley discusses in the indie
Sndent the causes of juvenile crime,
.hich he believes to be on the in
base.
'To the old cause, intemperance, he
NVes new expression in the use of
|e drug-shop for disguised drinking,
Ipecially on Sundays. Druggists have
commonly sinned by selling in
Exicating drinks this way within my
'quaintance. I do not believe drug
BITS of character would do it any
here; but the doctor seems to speak
|nfidently, as from his own knowl-
'ge; and in New York cities very
hny apothecaries keep open, espec-
lily on the evenings of the day of
st.
The hard times he believes have in
based crime. Ten times as many
Jung men are out of employment
Nv as ever before. In this discour-
ed condition they wander about,
ter where others loiter, are easily
|npted to indulgence, and have the
|cuse of low spirits for seeking false
|citement. Youthful drinking he de-
res to be social; and as the tippler
gins with beer or wine only to end
|th rum and whiskey, so the young
|venturer begins with frivolous COM
|nions, and ends with the vicious.
Then comes gambling, first of all to
" for ones drinks, which l am as
red is very common among places
|nsidered respectable. Saloon-keep-
have assured me they did not call
gambling just to play in order to see
10 should pay for the treat. But
IS worse vice very soon fastens itself
on a man and never lets go of him.
eauses many of the worst failures.
|bts of honor are continually tempt
clerks to rob their masters, and,
Ter running business firm, land the
6erable instrument in prison walls.
eh has been the secret cause of
my of the worst shipwrecks. Where
captain of a steamer is more inter
led in a card table than in the safe
|pf his passengers the voyage often
hes to a sudden and disastrous end.
pr Buckly is certain that intemper-
be is on the increase among young
|n. 1t is not so in our neighborhood.
cry new phase of the reform saves
he. The six hundred thousand
|dges obtained by Murphy in a few
|nths means something; but if re-
upon as an end they will prove a
at disappointment used as open
the way for continually widening
uence, for more practical appeals,
especially for the conservation of
! dren to self denial, they will prove
|unspeakable blessing to our ever
bpted society.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-09-26
HEADACHE
CURED
TN
80
MINUTES

Consulate of the United States of
America Coaticook, Canada, Oct. 6,
1891.
1 here certify that have used Rob
inson's Headache Powders, and found
immediate relief from severe head
ache, and heartily recommend the
same to any who may be suffering
from nervous or sick headache.s
ALFRED w. STREET, (U. S. Consul)
The Powders are obtainable at all drug
stores or where medicines are kept at 25c per
box, or if not obtainable will be forwarded
by post by addressing the proprietors and en-
closing the price. ROBINSON Il 20, (For
Canadal Coaticook, P. O., (for U. s. island
Pond,SVt