The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-01-13
WIT AND HUMOR.
A lazy man steals from himself
RAMS Horn.


II cannot account for it" exclaimed
the defaulting bank cashier.-Ie1as
Sittiags.
There are too many reformerS who
never want to do any work at home
RAMS Horn.
The wheelwright should be selected
as spokesman for the trades union
Washington Star.
I'VE must have an organ to support
u.s." as the man said to his monkey
Washington Star.
The gambler who follows his ante is
often obliged to hunt up his uncle
Teras SJtings.
Nothing so vividly reminds US of the
brevity of life as thirty-day note.--
IeGas Siftings.
Let me give you a wrinkle" as
Time said to the mature beauty's face.
-Baltimore american.
All who invest in good deeds here
will be cutting coupons in the sweet by
and by.-Pitts6urg Dispatch.
See with what swagger the farmer
walks nowr' Yes; sort of corn
stalk. ."-Baltinaore american.
In breadmaking, as in baseball, there
is nothing like good batter in the
hour of knead. Binghanators Leader.
Most men tell secrets to prove that
they have been considered trustworthy
of being told them.-Atchison Globe.
The recording angel never strikes
balance on his books by what is said
of man on his gravestone. .-Rana's
Horn.
A tombstone is about the only place
where the average man really doesn't
care to have his name in print Wash
a17gton Star.
Wickwire-"I it true that Nudge
has Joined the church," Yabsley-"lt
is. He did so on an election bet. y
Indianapolis Journal.
People are always ready to applaud
when other mems rich relatives leave
their money to public and charitable
institutions. s.-Atchis011 Globe.
Honesty is the best policy after all,
said the old politician. ''How do you
know" asked the funny man. did you
ever try itP"-Detroit Free Press.
st. What can 1 do for you.
Young manp" Kodak Fiend-'Call
out st. Peter for minute until l can
get snap at him."-N. Y. Herald.
We have noticed that the cheaper
the trousers a young man has on the
more fur he puts on the collar ana
cuffs of his overcoat. Globe.
She-''I would still love you if you
asked me to live in a cot" He
How about flatP" She (sighing)-
..Even love has its limitations. IN. 7.
San.
The WIFE Before we married you
promised to let mamma visit US as
often as she pleased" The husband
well. she has ceased to please. y
Lsts.
Carruthers-"I wonder if De Broke
regards marriage as lottery?" Waite
mo, but poor Mrs. De B. rather
looks upon it as a game of drawn.
Y. Herald.
Sergeant-'You sent for me, sirP'
Captain = Yes. sergeant. Double
quick the company up and down here a
few times; it makes the baby laugh" y
IeSas Sif5ings.
There are plenty of men who. il
placed between the devil and the
deep sea-" would not stand the least
chance of being drowned. = Indian
dpoLis Journal.
II don't like the figure of that car
pet" said the wife, as she looked at the
floor. Neither do /" said the hus-
band, as he looked at the bili.-BGlti.
more american.
$50 your son has been starring as an
actor, Mr.. Cashcounter?" 'tYes." Z"
do tell me all about him! Who is
supporting him?" II am" = Balti-
more american.
Druggist-"You might have charged
that young man 50 for filing that pre-
scription. Why did you put the price
at 25 cents?" Clerk-"He understands
Latin. Good Nea0s.
Bank teller Gas he reaches the gates
of heaven )-''Are you st. Peter?" St
Peter-"I am" Bank teller-''H'm
Well. where is your Identification p''-
Kate Fields Washington.
did you run for office the other
dayP" asked Spiggins of a defeated
candidate NO" said the candidate
sadly, 81 walked. The other fellow
ran" Somer0iLte Journal.
Comedian-''Ive bad news for you
old man; our leading lady, your wife
has eloped with the bill poster
Manager -'.Horrible! How are we
ever to get that next town billed?"-
Life.
Miss De Pretty-'I was out riding
today with Mr., Swellhead. the edito.
of the Hightone Magazine. Poo
Author (rival suitoT -"Did he pa,
for the rig in postage stamps?"-Goo
NesOS.
Robert, dear, how do you suppos
those dozens and dozens of empty bot
ties ever got into the cellar?' ''Why
don't know, my dear. never bough
an empty bottle in my life. Brook
Ign Life.
Mrs. Bold-'My husband is YER
jealous. I can't look at another MAJ
without making him very angry
How can l cure him?" Mrs. Sharp
stop looking at other men" Brook
Ign Citizen.
Tailor-''How wide collar shall
put on your overcoat. sirp" Custome
MAKE it so wide that when / pas
you on the street can turn it up S
you won't recognize me. Clothie
and Furrier.
Spacer- What kind of poetry d
you writeP" ''The poetry {
motion" Spacer = What kind
thatP" Liner-'The kind that is cor
stantly being sent out and returned.
IN. Y Herald
A pocket in a vein of quartz IN tn
Black Hills in two days yielded $500
in gold. Such pocket would be yer
desirable in winter overcoat. but th
tailors don't seem to be in the rigt
vein.-Loa0eA Courier.
Wife~'I don't think I shall get
new bonnet this month. but l sha
have my old one trimmed over" HUI
band-'Biess you. my dear" Wife
Don't bless me. Give me $25 fc
trimming. - Cloak Revieqo.
.Wife-"Poor Mr.. Zane1gh! I hes
that his family troubles are preyin
upon his mind" Husband : 20.
that's so, they'll soon be at an end.
Wife-"How?" Husband - They
starve to death. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
We'll, Harris, did you call on Maud