Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1892-01-21

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Wanted-Had Seen Better Days
Often Longed For, Etc., Etc.
MAN OF THE WORLD.
Beggar-Please, sir, will ye lend me a
lime ter git somethin' ter eat
Gentleman-You've got quarter in
your hand now. What's that for?
Beggar-Thats ter tip tn waiter
New York Weekly.
AFUTILE EXPERIMENT.
When | proposed to her thought l
would have the last word, and this is how
didn't get it:
After describing my condition and
prospects | said: "Will you have me?"
YES" she said.
"Ihank you," said |.
"1ou're welcome" said she.
You are very kind to say So" said.
"Not at all, she answered.
II am very grateful" added.
don't mention it," she said.
let it go at that. | saw it was no
1se.- New York Press.
NOT THE OFFICE HE WANTED.
"Whats the matter with Glumm these
days that he looks so sour?"
Things have gone wrong with him
lately. he has been trying to get up q
benefit club for some time and it was or
ganized the other night, and they made
him president"
"Well, wasn't that what he wanted?"
"No, he wanted to be treasurer
New York Press.
HAD SEEN BETTER DAYS.
Mr.. Sellit-Well, Uncle Eph, how are
are gettin' along these days?"
Uncle Eph-Oh, I'm gettin' along fine.
Its mighty poor day | don't make my
two or three dollars.
Mr.. Sellit-You must be gettin' rich.
Spose you pay me that little bill you
owe me.
Uncle Eph--Well, you'll have to ex-
cuse me to-day Mr.. Sellit You see, I've
been havin' lot of mighty poor days
lately Harper's Bazaar.
OFTEN LoNGED FOR.
Little Boy (pointing to window of rub
Der store)- Whats them?
Mamma-Those are diving suits, made
all of rubber, so the diver won't get
wet.
Little Boy wisht had one.
Mamma what for, my dear?
Little Boy-To wear when you wasf
me.
MR. NEEK's COuSrEx AyCE
Little Terror-Mamma, Mr.. Meek
skin is as smooth as papas. No marks
on it at all.
Mamma-Just hear the child, Mr.
Meeks. OF course there are no marks OIL
it, my pet.
Little Terror-Bus you said the hens
had been pecking him.-LNew Yorl
Weekly.
WHEN SHE FOUND OUT.
Before they wed he used to rave
About her voice of bird-like pitch,
WAS soft and mellow then, you know,
For she still fancied he was rich;
.Sat when she knew the truth of it,
That they must eat both soup ant
bone,
She changed the pitch, and now sh
talks
In rich and heavy dark brown tone.
Il New York Herald.
Z BEAsTLY Low PLACE.
Chappie (after receiving the bill o
fare from the waiter-Let us get out o.
aeah.
Chollie-What faw?
Chappie-This is beastly low place
Chollie-How do you know?
Cksppie-The bill of fa-ah.,is in Eng
lish, dontcherknow.
SANE OLD WAY.
~r. Hamm-How did the audiences
utrike you OF. West this time, Fatter?
Mr. Fatter-Same old way-with eggs
NO GOOD REASON.
Pretty Cousin-Your friend DR.. Lam
eet passed me down town to-day without
even bow.
He-Oh, well, you know he's awfulIy
absent minded. He's so completely de-
voted to his surgical practice.
Pretty Cousin-But that's no reason
why he should cut me- New York
Herald.
A AMIsAPPREHENsIoS.
"Why, Edwin" exclaimed the fearful
bride, "you certainly told me before we
were married that you would gladly give
me all the pin money wanted"
eyes" said Edwin, gloomily; 81 know
! did; but | didn't suppose you meant
diamond pins. = [Somerville Journal.
FRAGRANT FLOWERS.
Florist-Here take this cart-load OF
flowers to the Highstyle Opera House"
Now Man" Yessir. What shall
Unload 'em at the front entrance, and
give en- to the ushers TO present to the
prima donna after the curtain falls on the
third act"
"Yessir."
"Then reload EN- at the stage door
and bring 'em back again. y Good
News.
"What is the sweetest thing in all the
world?"
Ny sweetheart asked, then heaved q
tender sigh
I'D stole glance at me that plainly
said,
"I'll be offended if it is not |"
A HANDY TOOL.
Mrs. Blinks-Where in the world il
Mr.. Blinks' revolver? forgot to take il
from under his pillow this morning.
New Girl "a recent arrivaD-Whats il
like mum?