Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1892-07-30
/. N. SADDLER
The Summer Cold.

Did you have it? No? we'll, then,
you have missed something; something
has gone out of your gentle existence
which can never be supplied. You
have missed something wonderfu'i
Just how to get it is hard to tell; how
to get rid of it, is still harder.
You wake up some fine morning
with your throut filed up and n raw
feeling which seems to commence just
back of your palate and continues
about eight inches down your neck.
Your head is filled up; you must go
around with your mouth open like II
| lly-trap in order to breathe; your bones,
muscles and joints ache as though you
had been on two weeks bum, been
run through n threshing machine,
then laid on barn floor and pounded |
with II fail. Taking it all the way
round its a feeling you're not liable to
soon forget.
OF course you go to the doctor who
sympathises deeply with you. He takes
you in the back room, takes an instru-
ment of torture known as n "com
presser,' jams it into your neck, hooks
onto your lower jaw, pulls it out o.
joint and lays it down on your breast
while he gazes wistfully down into the
innermost recesses of your larnyX
(which think is located just back of
the liver). This examination reveals
u highly intiamed state Of the "acsopha-
cuss" Tor some other cuss) which needs
attending to. The kind and gentle
doctor then fishes out of n box long
wire with swab on the end of it,
which swab is dipped into bottle con-
tanning something which tastes just
like that old Louisiana avenue catch
basin smells and with this he dives
down your neck and proceeds to brush
the cobwebs of your internal fixins.
During this little matinee with the
doctor you will probably have "com-
ing up' feeling in your stomach and If
you have eaten anything during the
, past week you may expect it to come
, up very promptly.
/ After you have tossed up your last
: months board bill, in order to settle
your stomach and soothe your lacerat-
ed internal machinery your throat is
sprayed with force pump arrange
ment mot just the same as is used tor
spraying trees, however,) your jaw
placed back in position and you are
tn fnr ha
formance which will occur three hours
: later.
> On the way home you meet more
people than you have seen for month,
and they are all such a sympathizing
Y lot of individuals. Remember your
throat is so sore you can't breathe
without suffering but you meet Brown
: who says-"Hello, old fellow, how are
: you? Must have been out some place.
l Sick, eh? Well, I'll tell you the only
way to get over it is to get just boilin
drunk for about three days; that's the
+ way / did" You pass on and meet
;- Mrs. Jones, a good old lady who is al
e ways ready to prescribe for the sick
and relieve the suffering if she can dc
it with talk. She advises you to take
boneset tea, sweatened with sorghum
a and when you go to bed just tie your
Y sock around your neck, shut all the
n doors and windows and sweat good and
in the morning you'll feel better
You trudge on YEARLY and think what
G a good soul she is and how anxious she
e seems TO have you become an angel
II or something.
l. Everybody you meet gives you ad
wise. It's anything from three pints o.
whisky TO mustard plasters and dog
c fennel tea and if you take one-tenth
~ part OF the stuff you are advised tc
% take, you'll just nicely die about seven
8 times day.
Everybody you know tells you its
"malaria" and hundred other things
e Now for the ediiication of those
Il friends who really do care to know
what's the matter with US, Well say
that we have taken IA most Internally
D. bad cold, which seems to want to teaI
our poor old 2-for-5 head, together
" with onr throat and lungs all to pieces
Of but we hope to be able TO weather the
le storm providing our subscribers will
ID pay up so we can keep even with tbs
doctors bill. That's the kind o
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