Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-07-15
HuMoR OF THE DAY.

NOpO'%
"Out OF sight owl at noon.
The lard rciiucrnever knows what he
can do until he tries.
The fixed star is one that has enough
money to settle down. --Dillas News.
A star aazer must have far away
look in his eye: .-Binghamton Rcpubli-
can.
A poem that is always sure of n
market-thc lay Of the hcn.-L well
Courier.
Among the newest things in stockings
this summer is the baby's foot. Boston
Transcript.
Tenant-"Thcr roof leaks" Janitor-
"Wcll, you shouldn't have taken the ton
fiat. New York San.
A. great many things are laid before
Congress, but comparatively few of the II
hatch Washington Star.
Jagson suys it is proper to wish tho
anxious candidates many happy return,
on election day.-Elmira Gazette.
Baglcy-"I don't believe in borrowing
trouble; do you7" Brace -"Of course
not; money is the thing. New York
Herald.
Practice makes perfect. You en- sec
lawyers and doctors walking Oh their
uppers for want of practice. -3iugha
ton Leader.
Every thrifty farmer will keep his
land well dressed, but he has NJ res son
to bc ashamed OF n strawberry patch. -
Lowell Courier.
When boy begins to wash his n;c.l
without being told it is sign he is pass
ing into tho ordeal of his first love affair.
-Atchison Globe.
There are men with natures so small
that, if there is anything in transmigra.
ton, they will probably rcappcir as mi.
crobcs. Washington Star.
First Prcacher-"DJes your choir
sing in harmonya' Second Preacher
eyes, but they don't live in harmony"
Kate Fields w ishington.
The latest thing in Ohio is babe born
without hands. If he eventually drifts
into politics he will have to depend on
the hands of his friends. w Washington
Post.
"Whnt q sly animal the fox is, to be
sure! The other day followed one for
three hours, and when finally shot 1t
found it was n rel dog File ycnde
Bleattcr.
True to the nature of tue beast, many
man who in his time has cast shccp's
eyes at n pretty girl has after yards hal
the wool pulle over them. -Plila.
dclphia Tunes.
We have noticed that when you tell
woman her daughter is just the image of
her when she was that n &c, the mother
LOOKS pleased and the dau !hter looks
scared .-Atchison Globe.
Ycast-"What are you going to MAKE
out of your boy7" Crimsonbeak "a
lecturer" "Has he taste for it7"
"Oh,y yes; he inhcrits it from his mother"
San Francisco Examiner.
Mamna-"Whcu that boy throw
stones at you, why didn't you cone and
tell me, instead OF throwing them blcl."
Little Son-"Tcll you2 Why, YOU
couldn't hit barn door. GOOD News.
Publishcr-'I wish You would write
us good sea story" Great Author
"But l have ,ver been to sea-" Pub
lishcr-"l know it. l want sea story
that people can understand" Tit Bits.
It. strange, rs he knows,
Shes in love with another;
lie should like to proDos.,
When, so sure rs he goes
He'll return us her brother
New York Sun.
"Mrs. Cainucr seems to have q yery
pleasant time Of it." pheasant time 7
Why that woman's life is one complete
round of enjoyment" at ISL" at is
that. She belongs to seven sewing
circles. New York Press.
Witherby-"I made the mistake of
my life this morning. told my wife [
didn't like her new gown" -pianlling-
ton-"What, was she auyry'" 5yithcr
by-"Oh, no, it wasn't that. but she
wants another one. Cloak Review.
Lady Ito her regular begging custom
er)-"I see that you have brought som.
one with you to-day, aud cannot give
to BOTH Beggar-"Certainly not,
ma'am. am only taking him the
rounu OIL my clients, rs have an idea OF
selling the business!"
Teacher-"Won't you sit down,
JimmyT Jimmy--"Nop.' Teacher
"Why not" Jmmy-"Jis because. "
Teacher-"Because what2" Jimmy
"Because when pop was putin down
the carpet this mornin aud hit his thumb
with the tack-hammer laughed. -
Boston Post.
Cara-"I hope you won't bring tina.
MIR. Halter around to see me. l don't
want to see him." AIaude-'But, nv
dear, he says he used to play with you
when you were little Cir" Clara
"That's why I don't want to meet him.
1t reminds Ire of the time when wore
home made cloak to Sunday school. u
Cloak Review.
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