The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1892-02-02

CT Iun a sleeful foot race for your life.
Cn the other hand, give him this
breezy chestnut: "Forty-thousand years
ago the prophet Jonah swallowed q
whale 297 feet in length" or "Once
upon time an elephant, weighing 90
tons, jumped through the eye of a needle
at distance of 500 yards, and smashed
up Pompey's Pillar so miles beyond r'
The good old patriot would take you in
his arms, carry you to his house, give
you good dinner, and invite you to
preach in his church the following Sun
| day. Such is faith, but my friend, is not
this energy wasted in the wrong direc-
tion?
Periodically Colonel Spermaceti makes
a grand tour through the states in the in
! terest of the alliance; and as he oscillates
back and forth among the faithful,
through the latitudes and longitudes of
his empire groans and sweats beneath
the vast and ever er-accumulating burdens
of bis grievously oppressed, but very
! dear ~ subjects.
1t IS written that Saul, the son of Kish,
who went to see his fathers asses that
had gone astray, failed to meet up with
those festive cusses, and instead found
kingdom on the way. Probably in these
grand peregrina.ions of Colonel Diph-
liberia there may be a lurking suspicion
in his mind that should he fail to come
up with any Of the lost tribe in question
he, too, might find a benighted region
that stood badly in need of christian
ruler.
We've heard some complaints made in
regard to the amount of money that is
required to run the alliance machinery,
and the inadequate return therefor; still,
the guileless doves pay their dues, but
under protest, and with an eld-fashioned
appeal to the God of righteousness,
whom, strange to say, they believe to be
8 reality. What a beauteous conglomer
alton is human nature! We will vex
our heads with metaphysical conun-
drums; prepare golden slippers with
which to climb up lions hill, and then
hold it to be a truth beyond question
that if by law temptations to indulge in
the flowing bowl are removed from men,
they will not only stop drinking, but
thereafter cease to commit crimes ever
more. DO you think I am easier to be
played on than a pipe?" asks Hamlet.
Well, that depends-are you an alliance
man?
It may be, and probably is, highly in
teresting to the philosopher to know that
$4,000 animalcules can and do swim and
have their being in single drop Of
water; and j: Is, doubtless, suprenely
edifying to the theological mind to con-
template the possibility of million OF
discmbodied spirits waltzing, all at once,
upon the point of needle; but the aver
age man would infinitely prefer, and
would gladly exchange, this rapturous
knowledge for a nicely roasted 'possum
and peck OF Colonel Fairbrother's yams.
We shall watch with breathless anxiety
the future doings of our brothers, the
alliance boys their aims and asperations
are in the line of progress and reform,
but alas demagogue is now padding
their canoe, and failure, dismal failure
will be the inevitable result. We feel
reasonably confident that some one OF
that noble order will take offence at
what we've written, and will attempt to
give us what Paddy gave the drum
Comrades, we are not fighting man
and for that reason alone have employed
Colonel Bill Maynor to attend to our
prospective pugilistic affairs, to whom
we respectfully refer all those who may
banker after this old man.
L. D. VANN.