Los Angeles herald., 1892-10-29

ment that even If General Weaver should
happen to be elected president he would be
lost amid the immense responsibilities of
! the office
railroad was built through some of
the back counties of Georgia, and an old
farmer and his wife, who then saw loco
motive for the first time stood in the door
way of their cabin watching a train whiz
by. Their dog, being also an amateur in
the railway business, was running after
the train, barking furiously.
sDo you think he'll cotch the train?"
asked the old woman.
81 dunno" replied the old man med
itatively. 'Thet amt what's worryin me.
Pm wonderin what the durn fool'll do
with it if he does catch it."
Governor Jones, of Arkansas, who is one
of the ablest and brightest men in the
south, tells good story of his experiences
in the Birmingham riots. A Catholic
church was within the lines formed by the
militia, and on Saturday the parish priest
asked the governor to open up the lines
next morning, so the people could get
through and attend mass. The governor
promised to do so, and gave the necessary
orders. But early next morning he was
sent for, there being trouble near the
church. A citizen had approached one of
the sentries, and on being challenged to
state his business had replied
whats my business isn't your busi-
ness. You're the blankest fool in Amer
lea anyway"
Upon being thus insulted the sentry had
held the man and sent for his command
ing officer When the governor arrived
upon the scene and heard the facts he gave
the parishioner good natured lecture.
1.-THE soldier is only performing his duty,
and as law abiding man you should re-
spect him and use proper language in adj
dressing him. Take back what you just
said to the soldier"
"Oi take back nothing" retorted the
angry citizen. "Oi will only add that
it's you that's the blankest fool in Amer
ica."
Sentry" exclaimed the governor in his
sternest tone, sis your piece loadeds"
''It is, SIR"
"Then arrest this man and take him to
the guardhouse. If he attempts to escape
shoot him"
The citizen looked the governor in the
eye for moment, but saw there no signs
of yielding. Then he politely doffed his
cap and explained as quick as he could
speak the words:
"Colonel, yer honor, Dim mistaken.
It's nayther you mr. the soldier but meself
that's the blankest fool in America"
The cleverness of this was irresistible
and the man was told to pass on to mass.
"Only an Irishman," said Governor
Jones, would have had the quick wit to
get out of scrape in that neat manner"
Sam Small and Frank Rice, of Atlanta,
nj oopdi1,tac for 1ooo1 1.ASo
Small took the stump, but Rice wouldn't
say a word. Sam tried every way he could
devise to goad his rival into breaking his
evident determination to say nothing, be-
ing confident that if Rice attempted to
speak he would make bad mess of it; but
the latter never opened his mouth, nor even
wrote word to the papers. Finally Small
caught Rice in a crowd and told this story:
Frank Rice is like small boy that lived
in West Atlanta" he said "The boys
mother thought him only half witted, but
she didn't want every one else to know it,
and SO she told him to keep his mouth shut
when strangers were around. One day he
came over to town with her and went into
shoe store. Just as they entered the door
his mother said to him: Now, son, no mat
ter what people say to you, don't you speak
a word Then they won't find out you re
fool While the good woman was buying
a pair of shoes one of the clerks patted the
boy on the head and said to him, What's
your name?' No response. Are you deaf,
my little maE?' Not a word from the boy.
Are you dumb, them? Still not word.
is that your mother over there?' Nary
sound from the boys lips. j know what's
the matter with you, said the clerk, you're
blooming fool At this the boy ran to
his mother, believing: -hoo-boo-h hoo!
Mother, this man has found out Pm fool,
and l haint said a wordp"
This story was more than Rice could
bear. He didn't enter joint debate with
Small, but he withdrew from the contest.
Some of the best stories heard in the
south have bluff, witty, implacable Bob
Toombs as their hero. For long time
after the war Toombs lived at the Kimball
House in this city. The decorative and
fine carpenter work, including the stairs
of the hotel, was done by workmen from
the north. At times Colonel Toombs took
aboard little more liquor than he could
conveniently carry, and ON one such occa-
sion was painfully climbing the stairs in
the Kimball House on his way to bed
when he stumbled and fell all in heap
Two or three young men ran to him, lifted
him up and steaded him on his feet. Thus
supported, TOombs turned and surveyed
the stairs on which he had just fallen, with
contemptuousness written on every line of
his face, and then he muttered:
"A ID Yankee never did know how
to build q pair of stairs nohowp'
Another story about Toombs which dc
not remember having seen in print:
After the war Colonel Toombs received
letter from his old friend, Oliver p. Nor
ton, the substance of which was that il
Toombs would come up to Washington
and simply say he was sorry he would be
taken back to his seat in congress, where
his friends soon hoped to see him. Toombs'
reply was characteristic He said he
might do this, but he was afraid it would
be much like the condition of Georgia
man who was expelled from church for
losing his temper and striking one of the
sisters at donation party
Being man of wealth the trustees of the
church didn't like to lose him, and so they
held meeting and agreed if he would rise
in the congregation and say he was sorry
he had struck the sister he would be for
given and taken back into fellowship. He
agreed to do 80, and next Sunday carried
out his part of the programme. But just
as he rose to his feet and said, 81 am sorry"
a brother sitting over in the corner in
quired
care you sorry like wording or like
true, penitential Christian?"
This angered the penitent beyond meas
ure, and he exclaimed:
"Yes, Im sorry-sorry didn't knock her