The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1892-12-18
REFORMED HERO.
copyrigh. 1892, BY Jerome <. Jerome

Copyright 1892. BY Jerome K Jerome
does man ever reform7 Balzac says he
doesn't So far as my experience goes it
egrees with that Of Balzac-a fact the adj
mlrers of that author are at liberty to
make what use of they please.
When was young and accustomed TO
take my views of life from people who
were older than myself, and who knew
better, 80 they said. used to believe
that he did. Examples of reformed
characters" were frequently pointed out
20 me-indeed our village, situated few
miles from seaport town, seemed to be
peculiarly rich in such. They were,
from all accounts, including their own,
persons who had formerly behaved with
quite unnecessary depravity. and who. at
the time knew them. appeared to be going
to equally Objectionable lengths in the OPP
posite direction. They invariably belonged
to one Of two classes, the iow-spirited or
the sggressiveiy unpleasant. They said,
and believed. that they were happy, but
used to reflect how very unhappy they
must have been before they were happy.
One Of them, q small, sad-eyed old man
with piping voice. had been exception
ally wild in his youth. What had been
his special villainy could never discover.
had been. "Oh, generally bad" and in
creased my longing for detail by adding
that little boys ought not to want to know
about such things. From their tone and
manner / assumed that he must have been
. pirate at the very least, and regarded
him with awe, not unmingled with secret
admiration.
Whatever it was, he had been saved
from it by his wife, bony lady of unpre-
posing appearance but irreproachabie
views.
One day he called at our house for some
purpose or other, and, being left alone
with him for few minutes, 1 took the op-
portunity of interviewing him personally
on the subject.
"You were very wicked once. weren't
your" said. seeking by emphasis on the
"once" to mitigate what / felt might be
the disagreeable nature of the question.
To my intense surprise CLEAN of shame
full glory lit up his wizened face, and a
sound which / tried to think a sigh, but
which sounded like q chuckIe, escaped his
lips.
aye" he replied; "I've been a bit of
spanker in my time"
The term "Spanker" IN such connection
puzzled me. / had been hitherto led to re.
gard a spanker as an eminently conscien-.
tious person, especially where the short
comings of other people were concerned;
. person who labored for the good of
Others. That the word could also be en-
ployed to designate sinful party was q
revelation to me.
"But you are good now, aren't your" l
continued, dismissing further reflection
upon the esymology of ''spanker" to
more fitting occasion.
Aye. aye" he continued, his connten-
ance resuming its customary aspect of
resigned melancholy II be brand
beant much wrong wi Deacon Sawyers,
now"
'.And it was your wife that made you
good, wasn't it7' persisted, determined,
now that had started this investigation,
to obtain confirmation at first hand on all
points.
With the mention of his wife his fea-
lures became suddenly transformed
CHANGING hurriedly around to make sure,
apparently, that no one but myself was
within hearing. he leaned across and
Kissed these words into my earl have
never forgotten them, there was a ring of
such evident sincerity about them:
'I'd like to skin her, I'd like to skin her
alivet"
Il struck me, even in the light of my
then limited Judgment. as an unregenerate
wishs and thus early my faith in the pos
sibility Of mans reformation received the
first Of those many blows that have re-
suited In shattering it.
Nature. whether human or otherwise,
was not made 70 be reformed. You can
develop, you can check, but you cannot
You can take a small tiger and train. It
to sit on q hearth rug and Zap milk. So
long as you provide 1t with hearthrugs to
lie on and sufficient milk TO drink II will
purr and behave like an affectionate do
mestc pet. But it is tiger with all q
tigers instincts, and its progeny to the
end of all time will be tigers.
In the same way. You can take an ape
and develop it through a few thousand
generations until it loses its tail and be-
comes an altogether superior ape. You
can go on developing it through still a
few more thousand generations until it
gathers to itself out of the flowing vapors
of eternity, an intellect and q soul, by the
aid Of which ii is enabled TO keep the orig.
inal apish nature more or less under con-
troll.
But the ape Is still there and always will
be and every now and again when Con-
stable Civilization turns his back for a
moment, as during Spanish Furies," or
rule, il creeps out and bites and tears at
quivering flesh, or plunges its hairy arms
elbow deep in blood, or dances round a
burning Niger.
/ knew a man once--or rather knew
of 8 man-who was a confirmed drunkard
He became and continued drunkard not
through weakness, but through will When
his friends demonstrated with him he told
them TO mind their own business and to
let him mind his. Ii he saw any reason
for not getting drunk he would give il I'D.
Meanwhile. he liked getting drunk, and
he meant TO get drunk as often as pos
sible.
He went about it deliberately, and did
It thoroughly. For nearly ten years, so il
was reported. he never went to bed sober.
This may be an exaggeration, il would be
singular report were ii not, but il can be
relied upon "a sufficiently truthful for all
practical purposes.
Then there came a day when he did see
reason for not getting drunk. He signed
no pledge, he took no oath. He said. II
will never touch another drop of drink"
and for twenty-six years he kept his word.
At the end of that time q combination of
circumstances occurred that made life
troublesome to him. so that he decided to
be rid of il altogether. He was a man ac-
customed. when he desired thing within
his reach. to stretch ont his hand and take
It. He reviewed the case calmly aud de.
aided TO commit suicide.