St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-11-06
UNCLE ZEKE'S LOGIC.


The old man wasn't fishing, says the
Jacksonville Telegram. 1t was too wet
too fish. He wasn't entertaining a
crowd of admirers at his favorite haunt.
There was nobody around the market to
entertain, and Uncle Zeke was coiled
up in a corner as cosy as bug in rug.
A nail keg was his seat; his head
had all old SLOUGH hat pulled over
it, and his face was sunk down between
the thick lapels Of weather beaten
army coat, from whose pocket the
baited hook of fishing line was hang
ing. His sonorouS snores kept time
with the pattering RAIN, the music of
whose falling lulled his soul into far-oH
dreamland, with it's visions of roast
poSsum garnished with sweet taterS and
brown gravy.
The scribe didn't want to rouse him
from the land of the Elysium, 50 took a
seat directly opposite and soliloquized
on the vanity Of riches and fame, which
were not needed by our dusky philoso-
pher to bring perfect happiness. 10
better pursue his thought into an uneX-
plored field, he drew forth Havana,
struck match. but 10 the spell was
broken. The old man awakened with a
snort, lazily opened his eyes with a
us dat you, honey ?''
at is" replied the scribe, who handed
him cannon" and match.
He arose, slowly hoisted up his coat
tails, scraped the lucifer into ig milton
on an oasic green patch. lit the cannon
and pulled at it until it resembled a
light house in dense log.
dat sholy is you. L knowed it was
you as soon as seed you. How is all
yo' folks?"
This question being answered, he
gaZed long and abstractedly ON the de-
Sc rted and haZy river.
II tell you what's fack. disher rain
Is mighty 'scourigin'. If we didn't havs
so much O. science an wedder buroee
hit mout stop. It'll do taters good, do
Yessir, it will do dc Eaters good, if it
doan give um de rot. But it's gwine to
change. 1t sholy will change. Two
days mo- and dats de las"
II saw you at the Sub-Tropical speak
ing the other night"
ITO be show, honey. l was dere. /
hearn Gineral Weaver talk an l hear
de 'oman talk. Now, ain got no mo-
view on dis free trade and protection
question any mo- all has on dis 'ligiouS
question of free agency and predamna-
tion-if you 'scuse de word-but L tell
you dis, when de general say his party
gwine gin ebbery man, 'oman and chile
$50 to de he'd, when he ana de oman is
'lected, say seZ my 'spicions eZ raised
an l ak why not gin UNI de money
first an den dey, will sholy 'lect
you. Yessir, my 'spicions is 'cted
iSed forty acres an mule. Pm gWine
on desc slxty-fo' years next Eleventh O.
July, an amt seen neary mule nor
Ell acre, 'ceptin' a clam-eyed mule /
bought at auction. Dat was de meekiss,
lowless.looking mule you ebber set yo'
eyes on. But femme tell you, honey,
doan you judge man by his looks, less
lone mule. Dat mule died 'fo coy
cred fun his effects. Darfore ] has my
spicions bout dat $50 er head.
Il tell you, chile, dat 'oman gets me
Dey tell me she's Irishman, too. She
sholy is a ominous 'oman. My hair
fairly riz up when she say 'Marse Jupi-
ter and old satan is In perihelion.'
(WhaU dat meanO What do see?' De
ole earth got de deliriem tremehs in de
orbit O. his eye. He's jes a-Quakin' and
reelln' in de orbit O. his eye. Den she
stop. roll her eye and say, lonesome as a
graveyard. Revolution! Revolution!'
De Laud save US an tell us if dat 'oman
is got q second-class sight to see hants.
'She talkin' bout de conan comm
in de arena to purify de ballot box!
Pshawl Raisin' de debble wild de men
fer bribin' de voters and many onmen-
tionable 'niquity. She don't know what
she's 'spostulatin' bout. Amt desc
men chilluns of de 'oman? Amt she
'sponslble fer dere raisin'? What makes
she nebber learnt 'em no better? My
'plnion is, de bes' way she can 'zert a
influence over de purityin' o. de ballot
box is to stay home an learn 'em some
homes decency, stead gallavantin'
over de four pints O. de earth's compass
hollerin' in lonesome voice 'bout revo-
luton. What you tink bout 1t, hOneY?''