Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1892-10-06
tooalong.' He asked Sally toi!tcut
them off and hem them up. Sally
didn'twantJohn to ge.to the party
and vowed she wouldn't do it.

words about it. The good old
mother-in-law learning gof the
alteration thought Sally too hard
on John, SO she quietly got the
pants, cut three inches off and
hemmed them up again. The Sis
ter-in-law who from another room
had heard the alteration, thought
! she would take hand in pacifing
matters. She found the pants
later and took off another three in
ches. Sally, after looking after
Ehe household affairs, ,repented and
Htoek three more inches off them.
Then she aroused John from his
nap and told him he had better go
on to the party. John dressed
quickly in the dark and went.
When he got to the party and
:stepped quickly into the light he
cut about the same figure as the
Omaha platform when you turn
on the Ocala search light
The Little Boys Pants.
Then he goes right into another.
"When talking about their plat
form" says he, "you cannot tell
what they mean. 1t is like the
little boy whose mother made
him his first pair of pants and
proudly sent him off tothe kinder
garten. He returned home cry
ing. The boys at school had
laughed at him. We went to his
mother and told her that he want
cd pair of store pants for with
these on he couldn't tell whether
he vas going to school or coming
home"
Lord, What a Liar I've Been!
Into another he goes in this
/ way:
"Mr. Watson, elected as a demo-
crat, abuses the democrats and
says they have done nothing for
! the county, but have gone back on
1every pledge. When hear man
.Isay that / want to tell him the
story of fellow who wanted to
jump a stream on a Texas prairie.
aThe stream looked like it was
about seven feet wide. He didn't
4 notice that the grass dropped over
on either side about three feet.
Gifts telse=nr run and 90
over. Here he came lickety-split.
When he got within three feet of
where he thought he was going to
rise he went through the grass into
the water over his head. He
couldn't swim a lick. He caught
hold of the wet, slick grass and
got his head out of the water. He
thought it was time to pray. He
said % Lord, / never stole a horse
His hold slipped and under he
went again. He managed to grab
the grass and got his head above
the water a second time. This
time he said, Lord, have mercy
upon me. I never branded anothe
mans cow ran away with another
mans wife nor burned a house in
all my life His hold slipped
again and he went under. Getting
to the surface a third time with
greater difficulty he thought ne
would be honest with the Lord. He
said, But o Lord God, what a lia1
I have been"
He Had Ali the Bait in His
Pocket.
One peculiar feature OF this
campaign is that the third party
orators, relying, as they must
largely on the negro vote, are very
confident to say nothing against
the republican party. This noun
tain oratorical genius comments
with great vigor and effectivness
upon this peculiar silence and then
proceeds to explain it by saying
that lust for Office is the lever
that moves these fellows. The
democrats have all the Offices
They want them. Hence the abuse
of the democrats and silence as to
The republicans who have none.
and this like most other things
reminds him of a story.
ga white man travelling along
a river road," be says, "came
upon an old darky and a little
darky sitting on the bank fishing.
Grown weary waiting for bite
: the little darky was nodding and
suddenly tumbled off the bank
into the river. The old darky
, threw down his pole and dived
down after him. He pulled him
J oat, caught him by the feet and
I.