davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
A PHILOSOPHER.

Surgeon Ito reporter)-This poor fellows legs
are both shattered and fear amputation will
be necessary.
Victim (feebly) Lucky for me, Doctor, that
l wasn't born a centiped.
swISDLISG THE CHILDREN.
as il possible that you are the father Of IS
children? 2" asked traveller Of prominent
Arkansawyer. ~ should very much like to
see them all together"
dunno whether I can manage it or not,
podner," returned the prominent citizen.
You see, they-uns is powful bashful an scooted
for the brush when you rid up-all but Henry
Ward Beeeher; he burnt the big end Of his
breeches of spell ago an is under the stable
now"
"If they will come up will give them a
nickel apiece"
"Lawd, podner! They-uns IL feel plumb
rich. Children! CGildren!! Come var
Stranger II give you a nickel apiece. Come
yar!"
Not child appeared.
"They-uns is mighty bashful, stranger"
apolOgized the householder. but, if you've
got some store terbacker it'll shore fetch 'em.
| Strangers got some store terbaeker!"
| No reply from the children.
az am really curious to see them all, i" said
the traveller, "and so will give each Of them
% cents if they will come up"
| "Lawd jing, pOdner! That'H make 'em
break their fool necks Oh, children! Oh,
CHILDREN :! Oh, CHILDREN %! StrangsF'u
| give you twO-bts apiece! WhOop!"
Loud cries from the children, who, however,
remained in hiding.
oval, By jung! !" CALCULATED the householder.
"Tll fetch them children or bust hame-
stringI It's mighty lOw-down trick to dis
appint 'em so, bercuz / hain't got grain in
the house, but, by hang. they've got to come
WhOop, children! Come git yer quinine
Come git yer quiz
The children emerged from the brush like
stampeded steers, knocking down and running
over Henry Ward Beecher in their axiety tc
get their accustomed dainty.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
To oUR LApY sunscRInEKs.

We have a fun and very choice list Of
premiums especially for our lady subscrib-
ere. We want 10 call special attention TO our
Diamonds, because this is the first time goods
Ol this class have been offered by any news
paper.
Our Watches have proved a great success
and We dispose Of them at far less prices than
The country jeweler.
Remember, thcy are all either Elgin or
Waltham, no Swiss Watches being bought
by uf for premium purposes, having proved
unsatisfactory where they have been tried.
We cannot say too much ABOUT our China.
no laays table need lack grand decorated
gold band dinner set ii they are subscribers
10 IHE NATIONAL TRIBUNE, and will pur-
chase o. work 10 secure one Of our sets OF
China, which are offered in another column.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

1T is desirable that the Board Of Arbitra-
ton which is to meet soon and pass upon
the Boring Sea dispute shall not only decide
that the United States has the right TO con-
troll Boring Sea in the way of protecting
the seals, but that the whole maritime world
should agree to stop sealing in the open
sea south Of the Aleutian Islands. The
commission of British and American ex-
perts has decided that this is necessary to
prevent the destruction Of this important
fishery, upon which so many other industries
depend. Over 5000 fur seals were taken last
year outside Of Bering Sea, and 1t IS estl-
mated that for every seal taken five were
killed and lost. Then, too, these open-sea
sealers, are entirely reckless as to the sex
of those they kill. A seal is a seal to
them, whether it be bachelor" bull, or
"cow," and so the ravages they make are
irreparable. Great Britain has even more
interest than we in seeing that the sealeries
are not destroyed as her citizens have much
more money invested in manufacturing the
skins than ours have in getting them. The
only way to preserve these interests is to
concede the full control of the United States
over Boring Sea, and to establish general
international regulation against open sea
sealing, similar to the international agree
ment against slavery.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

The war cloud has shifted TO the latitude
of Louisiana. The Anti-Lottery Democratic
Committee has procured 500 Winchester
rifles and $500 rounds of ammunition, and
make no bones Of saying that they propose
to use them, if necessary, to prevent intimi-
dation by the rufians of the opposite faction
and the militia under the command Of the
Governor. One New Orleans paper says:
To the Winchester ia the hands Of the hireIing
oppose the Winchester in the hands Of the free
Let every crack Of lottery rifle wake an an
swerng echo the report Of anti-lotteTy gun. II
the hood ums OF New Orleans appear on the streets
Of the city armed with weapons placed IN their
hands by this lottery committee sweep them from
the face OF the earth. II the streets OF New Orleans
are 10 DC REDEEMED with blood let il not be alone
ihe blood OF her good citizens II wholesale muir
der has been resolved upon by the lottery. let the
people resolve upon Wholesale executions.
There has been entirely too much shoot
ing in Louisiana politics already, but perhaps
the best way to end it is to have the decent
citizens do a little shooting at the rascals
who have been running the elections with
revolyers and shotguns.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
A BAD SHOWING FOR sHRIEKERs.

a BAD SHOWING FOR sHRIEKERs.
The official statistics of the commerce of
the United States for 1891 must be very
painfuSreading for the calamity-shriekers-
that is, if they ever read any authentic
statistics, which we very much doubt.
These statistics show that the first full year
under the Mckinley Bill IS been one of
the most prosperous years known in the his
tory of the country. Instead of our foreign
trade being inevitably ruined by that meas
ure, as they clamored it would, ii has been
greatly increased. Our exports were greater
than in any previous year since we have been
Nation. Nor will il avail them TO say that
this was largely due TO abundant crops at
home and deficient ones abroad, for the
reason that the exports Of breadstuffs in
creased in n smaller ratio than those of other
articles. This is shown by the following
official comparison Of the exports for three
wears:
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
OUR WAR BOOKS.

The offer Of Grants, Sherman's, or Sheri-
dams Memoirs, or McClellans Own Book,
in combination with The Cosmopolitan Maya
zinc and The NATIONAL TRIBUNE has
proved a great success Remember that
each Bel Of books is The regular clOth-bOund
edition, published by Charles l.. Webster a
Co., rs originally sold by subscription, and
that they cost only 50 cents each and the
postage, provided a subscription for TIE
NATIONAL TRIBUNE aud The Cosmopolitan
Magazine for one year, at the respective
price OF each, is sent with the order The
books cannot be furnished al this price on
any other terms Thus The TRIBUNE,
the Magazine, and Grants Memoirs cost
%9s; IHE TRIBUNE, Magazine, and Sher-
mans Memoirs cost S492; THE TRIBUNE
Magazine and Sheridans Memoirs cost 496;
THE TRIBUNE, Magazine, and McClellan's
Book cost S474.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
PERSONAL.

Gen. Carl Schurz was recently made an honorary
member Of new German society, the Rhine
lander of Chicago. and he accepted the eompli-
ment and expressed approval OF tho intention Of
the organization To assist in welcoming visitors to
the Worlds Fair from tile FatherIand. But at u
still later meeting. when the Socialist element
out In full force. the club reconsdered the Tesolu
ton and withdrew the honor.
Mai. James p. Kimball. Surgeon United States
Army and Mrs Maria Porter Brace, daughter Of
C. Il. Brace, of Leavenworth, Kan, were married
at All Souls Church, New York City. on WedHes-
day, Feb. 3 Rev DR.. Huntington Rector of Grace
Church, officiating Maj. Knbnll was Assistant
Surgeon of the I2lst n. ". aud transferred to
the 65th y. Y. in June, ls65. he was appointed
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE.
AGENT WANTED
a Comrade In Every Township
and Post
TOSELL THE CANNONEER

"The Cannoneer" is undoubtedly the best
selling YEARBOOK now before the people. 1T
is unique IN its way, being the well-tOld
actual experiences Of private soldier in
much Of the very hardest fighting in the
war.
Every veteran, especially Of the Army Of
the Potomac, wants copy OF the book, and
also every man and woman whose father
served in that army il will go like hot
cakes among them.
We want a good live cOmrade in every
Post and every Township in the country to
take hold Of the book and push it. Good
wages can be made every day by It's sale.
Send for a Township and specify two or
three others that You want ii you cannot
get y0ur first choice. Ask for terms TO
agents. Address
THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE, Washington, d. G.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

the National EncampfNcnt he stopped over at bio
old home. Lyndhurst. s. J. OF course he hunted
up his old comrades, one Of the first being John
Kehoe. The latter was enjoying a gar on his vo-
randa when stranger approached, scanned bis
features for a moment and then sffootionately en-
braced him. Kehoe was considerably astOnished
at this procedure. thinking the man was somewhat
elevated" He somowhat recovered from bis sur
prise, however when the stranger asked e no did
not remember the FL Of April. 1865. Like a fash
the bloody battle for the capture Of Petersburg
came to Mr.. kehoo's mind. for no was terribly
wounded through each thigh by rebel bullet and
the lower part Of one OF his ~ s altered by rag
ment OF shell. Then he learned also that che man
who bad Just embraced him was his old comrads
Mcguire, who had borne him In his strong arms
nom The desperately contested field 10 the sic<en-
ing hospital, whore his leg was ampulated and he
lowered between life and death long after Grant
and his magnihcent army had wrenched victory
and the Unions restoration from Lee az Apo
mattOx That Kehoe was glad to ses MHguirs
none can doubt, and the latter remained for some
time As the h0nored guest Of his ouo-iegsed COM
rRde.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

THE English fruit growers whose profits
are threatened by the cheapness and superb
GRITTY Of American products, are fighting
these savagely. Their latest move is 10 at
tempt to get mp scarce about American
apples being poisoned by arsensic, and the
Horticultural Times has the cheek TO claim
that the delicate tint seen on American
apples is directly due TO an application OF
arsenic. Also, that the dust found on all
apples which have been packed for ship
ping is nothing but arsenic when seen OH
American apples In business matters the
English are as accomplished liars as can be
found anywhere.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

We earnestly call the attention OF our
readers TO the great watch offer which APP
pears IN another column. This is vastly the
best offer Of valuable limepieces ever made
by any paper The watches are simply the
best made anywhere In the world, and owing
a. a break ln the watch trust We are able TO
oier them for a fraction Of what they have
been heretofore selling at How long this
break viii last no one can tell, so IL beh0oyes
every one who wants a high-class watch al
on unprrcedently low price to take immedi-
hte advantage Of the offer
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.

MONEY sent MS otherwise than by regis
tered letter, postal money order, on draft on
New York, viii be M the risk OF the sender
AGENTS.-We employ no agents. THE
NATIONAL TRIBUNE las many volunteer can,
vasscfs and they are generally honest ana
faithful: but persons who C0uhde Their suD-
ecrintiuns 60 them must hc their own Judges
ali their responsibility. The paper VIII he sent
Onlv un receipt OF the subscription price.
ADDRESSES, RENEWALS, ETC.-Ad-
dresses will DE changed az often as desired,
but each subscriber should In every case give
the old as well as new address. I'm renewing
Fuhscribcrs should be careful 70 send us the
Iobpl IN Tie last paper received, and specify
Rny corrections on changes they desire made IN
maine on address.
CORR GlSP0NDENCE.- Correspondence rs
Folicited from every section in regard 70 Grand
Army. Sons of Veterans, Pension, Military, Ag-
riculiuInl Industrial and Household matters,
and letters 20 the Editor VIII always receive
prompt attention. Write on ONE SIDE OF the
papel only. We do not return communications
br manuscripts uHless they are accompanied
hy Al request to that effect and the necessary
postage. and under TO circumstances BuaIAAuee
their publication at any special date.
Address q IA communications 20
THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE,
Washington, ID. g.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

THE New York Herald still keeps the
lying paragraph at the head of its editorial
columns denOuncing pension expenditures,
and stating that the German army only costs
SS0,979, 733 year. As the German army on
a peace footing numbers 2O,25O officers and
4S6,9S3 men, or a total of 507 1888, an ex-
penditure of SsOOOOOOO would make an
expense of only about 1913 per capita for
food, clothing, barracks, medical attendance,
transportation, salaries of high officers, etc.
This is ridiculous Germany runs her army
on exceedingly economical principles, but it
certainly costs her more than S11.5O a
month per head to support her soldiers and
pay big salaries to host of high officers.
Besides, the German army has to find forage,
care, etc, for 81, $50 horses, so that altogether
the Herdld's figures would make the expense
of the German private soldier to his Gov
eminent not more than 81 or s. a month
about what our Government allows for
clothing alone WAitdEer's Almanac, which
is somewhat higher authority than the
Herald, gives the cost Of the German army
for 1859 at G3l, 423,2OO, or S157, 141 900
Since then 20 batteries of light artillery
have been added to the army, and other ad-
ditions SWELL the total annual expenditures to
about $500, 100000 These well-known facts
have no influence on the Heralds persistent
lying.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

Tourist lat dinner)-Thunder and Mars
Nothing but dried peach pisI Unpeeled
peaches, at that, with fuzz on them. Take it
away
Oklahoma Waiter 'cutting figure in the
the air with his bOwicl-Eat that thar pie or
I'll cut you in two at the watch poeketl
Tourist-Ye-yes, sir! This is splendid pie,
sir! was always passionately fond of peach
pie, sir Please bring me another, sirl
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
THE WHEAT CROP.
Let Every Reader Inform us rs TO its Condition
IN His Section.

Let Every Reader Inform us rs TO ifs Condition
In His Section.
An intense anxiety is felt all over the
country as to the condition and prospects of
the wheat crop The next few weeks will
be the critical period for Winter wheat every
where, for the conditions during that period
will determine whether we are to have a
repetition Of the bountiful crop Of last year,
or must be content with less.
The month Of January was a fairly favor
able month over most Of the Winter wheat
section. On an average snow covered the
fields from 10 to 20 days. Since then the
conditions have varied from very good to
positively bad.
We wish that ercry reader Of THE Ma
TIoNAL TRIBUNE w0uld at once send as a
postal card stating in a tc,O 10ordS the condition
and prospects Of IIintcr uheat in has ncighbor-
hood Let everybody do this at once. With
paper Of such general circulation rs THE
NATIONAL TRIBUNE, which goes into every
wheat community in the country, the infor-
nation obtained in this way will be in
valuable. No other paper in the country
reaches so many wheat-growers, and the
summing mp Of their opinions will be Of the
highest interest and value 20 the country.
Let as hear from all Of y0u at once.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

THE discomforting reflection in the Boyd
case is as TO the cheap estimation in which
a certain class of men hold American citi-
zenship. Boyd had been for years a candi-
date for profitable offices and holder of the
same finally eliminating in the candidacy
for the Governorship, without knowing, OF
apparently caring TO know, whether he was
citizen Of the United States OF not Ger
tainly the franchise Of citizenship of this
great country ought TO he worth more at
tention.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

This shows that the export business Of
the country has increased $l5l ,333, 33l in 10
years, or about 20 per cent. Or this, other
articles that is, those which have been
given increased value by American skill
and labor-have nearly doubled in their
foreign sale, and are TO be credited with
S9iG2l ,232, or nearly two-thirds of the
total increase.
During j months Of 1891 we sold abroad:
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
NATIONAL TRIBUNE

GEN. HATCH says that so far from the
OleomargaTins law destroying the businessit
has greatly helped it. The Government in
spections have increased public confidence
in the article and greatly extended its SALE
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

NOTHING has yet been done about passing
the Postal Savings Bank Bill-One of the
most meritOriOus measures before the pres
ent Congress. A savings bank at every
postoiliee would be of enormous benefit to
the country, individually and collectively.
1t would aid everyone in the acq uirement
of thrifty habits, and enormously increase
the available capital of the Nation.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
OUR ENclCLoPEDIA.

ON Encyclopedia is the standard Encyclo,
pedIa Britannica Americauized. il has beer
entire " rewritten, it's contents brought
down 10 1890, aud thousands of American
biographies and subjects added which do
Dot appear 81 the original work at all Il
q now the best Encyclopedia in the world
The 20 volumes 81 which ID consists an,
sent postpaid with The NATIONAL TRBUNI
for one year for $50.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

THE Confederate veterans of Georgia pro-
pose TO make the acceptance of the Con-
federate Veterans Home at Atlanta by the
State an issue in this Falls election, and
boycott every Legislative candidate who will
not promise TO vote in favor of the accept
ance.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
A STARTIFR-

"What has happened to Seriber, the author
Why, since saw him last, two months ago,
his hair has turned as white as the driven
snow"
"Well, you see. seriber sent q story to the
JuggerEaHt liaqazine. and it was published and
literally paid for within six weeks. The sur
prise was not fatal, but it bIanched Scriber'5
hair, as you see."
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

The Reciprocity Treaty with Cuba went
into effect Jan. ], 1891. That month there
was received at the port of Havana IS, 400
bags of flour from Spain and 1920 from the
United States. Last month saw the boot on
the other foot, Havana receiving G., 81 sacks
of -four from the United States, and none
from Spain.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

TIE discovery Of splendid deposit of
lithographing stone in Lawrence Co., Ind,
is good news TO all patriotic Americans.
This will relieve US from dependence on
Germany for m article of increasing inn
portance, and keep at home hundreds OF
thousands Of dollars which we have been
sending across the ocean for photographic
stone.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

BALTNoREAYs are much disturbed, and
justly so, over the statistics showing that
one child in every 10 is born dead, and that
80 out of every 100 born alive die before
completing their first year. Virtually one
child in every three dies before it is one
wear old
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
his TRADE.

"I have read that the majority of the male
members of the Royal families of Europe are
in their youth taught some trade. wonder
what the Prince Of Wales would have to fall
back on if he never succeeds to the English
throne2"
"The trade no has been following for many,
many years-that Of waiter"
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
ANOTHER SET.

Little Miss Pullet-Oh, Mama, see that
handsome young rooster who has just come
into the barnyard. / wonder who he is.
Mother Hen-DOn't know, / am sure. He
doesn't belong to our set, anyhow.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

The leading paper in Sweden is called the
Eyastctka Dogbl0dd Wemay not like many
OF our contemporaries, but we have never
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

No partizan or other considerations sla1ld
be allowed TO interfere with the assistance
given by the Government to the Nicaragua
Canal. The canal is a necessity to us, strate-
gically and commercially. Had we had a war
with Chile the extra expense caused by not
having the canal would have speedily been
more than the estimated cost of the canal.
We may expect many such complications in
the future, when it will be necessary to mass
men-of-war in the Pacific and supply them
from the Eastern Coast. We may even lose
important battles by some other power
having concentrated a strong feet in the
Pacific, while we can only reinforce ours by
the long and tedious voyage around Cape
Horn. When it comes to commerce, the ad-
yantages of having the canal will be enor-
nous. 1t will afford cheap and ready trans
portation by water between the ports Of the
Atlantic and the Pacific IL viii bring to
the Atlantic and Gulf ports large proper
ton Of the trade Of western South America,
which now goes TO Europe. Ii will make
the Gulf Of Mexico the ocean highway of the
world, TO the great advantage Of Galveston,
New Orleans Mobile and other cities on that
coast. The United States is asked TO do
very little in return for all this, and there
should be no hesitation in doing it.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

We have increased our domestic exports
10 Brazil 10 per cent in niue months, aud to
Cuba 45 per cent. in four months. These
arc the most striking figures as yet as to
reciprocity, but Others will develop as fast
as the policy has opportunity TO work.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

TIE NATIONAL TRIBUNE is The onlg
champion hc s0ldiashaUe among ne great pa
Pas Of Tee country. The best nag 10 hclp all
tetcrans 10 BY getting Il more subscribers.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

TIE work Of tieing the boisterous majority
IN the House Of Representatives hand and
foot, by rigid rules is going on persistenty
and patiently. The old bosses mean to rule
every action OF the rampant new members,
and are arranging ii so that there shall be
no mistake about their being able 10 do il.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

weary I1dSIctIs-Dlneu, parunerf
Walker Jagletts-Nope! Thinkin' about It,
though. Found a paper with a column headed
Hints for Dinner" If don't git anything
more film mebby I'll try 'em.
"Um! What you goin' to eat 'em with ("
"Wal, l found a fork in the road a mile
back"
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

VIZ do not pose as a Nation Of diplomats,
but when frst-class article Of diplomacy is
wanted we can produce il IN short order.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

THEY SHOULD CARRY OUT THE PROGRAM.
when Prince Albert Victor was first at
tackled by Ia grippe, our American dudes
straightway contracted it Also"
"Uml Well, now that he has succumbed to
the disease, have you heard whether those
dudes are dead also?"
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

THE juries Of the country are showing a
gratifying propensity to find railroaders who
cause collisions guilty of some form of muir
der
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

H0re yoH done your dHty ia getting one more
spJscriJcr fer 2lHE NATIONAL gRIBUREf
You SHOULD do ats. JOra Is tic best Uay 10 help
SOuF comrades.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

THE Louisiana Lottery is certainly dying,
If not dead, and its death blow must be
credited to the 51st Congress.
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
LoGAN MONUMENT FUND.

Additional subscriptions received for Lo-
gan Monument Fund:
The National tribune., 1892-02-11

tsTsslo At rne ~.saaon r9.r oar steo"Ooss MATTE"
The National tribune., 1892-02-11
PUBLISHED WEEKLY.
ONE DOLLAR PER YEAR,
INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE

sh months. 75 cents. No Subscription for a lest
period received.