Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-09-01
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious. and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day.
Sprinkles OF Spice.

/
waiter. Democrat Chron-
icle
WHEN mosquito presents his bill
he is not invited to call again. Troy
Press.
THE seedy individual can find COM
partnership in the blackberry pie
Binghamton Republican.
PAPER-HANGERs are about the only
men who succeed in business by going
to the wall.-TeNas Siftings.
| PEOPLE who are able to raise a
breeze have an opportunity to be i'm
mensely popular during dog days.
SOME men if they take one swallow
will insist on having lark. Boston
! Post.
"YoU are the only girl | ever
| loved" "Then we would better part
/ don't want to marry a freak. y
Life.
DAPPER- "Whv did you leave your
last position; didn't it suit you?"
Flashly-"It didn't even keep me in
ncckties.
THE crying need in naval affairs is
a marine Koch who can cure the raw
ages of coal consumption. Baltimore
American.
THE walking delegate does not wear
out half as much shoe leather as the
striker who is looking for another job.
New York Herald.
WIFE-Harry, why did you have
| RI
cts? Husband-I did it for the sake
of change, darling.
"A WAITRESS may not know how to
deal a pack OF cards, but she can
easily raise the deuce by dropping a
tray.-Glens Falls Republican.
If the early bird which catches the
worm would rush matters a little
and visit the electric lamps he could
get his fill of bugs.-Columbus Post.
THERE is room to doubt whether
person who sits in the gallery of a
church is responsible for the deeds
done in the body.-NeW York News.
MAMMA-"How terrible! A man
was drowned at the bathing beach
this morning." Daughter-"Dearm me.
And men are so scarce here. New
York Herald.
THE nail trade is said to be looking
up. Certainly: think Of the cam
paign lies that will have to be mailed
between now and November DE
troit Free Press
Young WIFE What do you think
of my pie-crust, Jack?" Jack (who
| doesn't wish to be as severe as the
case warrants)-"Very nice, my dar-
ling: but don'tyou get the shortening
in lengthwise?" -Boston Post.
WHYTE-Are you good at arith-
metic, Browne? Browne-Good, my
boy? I'm simply phenomenal at it.
j can add column of six figures up
seven times and make it come out
eight different ways.-Somerville
| Journal.
I JOSEPH is witty head waiter.
One day during the hot spell guest
said to him: This weather is pretty
hot, isn't it, Joseph?" "I'e jabbers,"
he replied, "hot is only nickname
for Detroit Free Press.
PERD1TA-"Are you going to accept
| him, Penn" Penelope-"I really don't
know, dear. Bradstreet reports very
favorable on him, but the detectives
have not completed their investiga-
items yet Life.
IRATE PASSENGER (who has been
carried down town instead of up
"You told me this car went up town
when / asked you conductor" Con-
ductor-"So it does, sorr, on the re-
turn trip. "-Harper's Weekly.
"WHY do you keep the butcher
knife by the side of the water cooler?"
asked man who was making his first
visit to Cincinnati, Of the hotel clerk.
"To cut the water in slices, SIR" re-
piled the clerk with some surprise
Life.
DANCING MAsTER-1 want to look
at some nice shoes for dancing" Shoe
! Man-"Yes, sir: here you are, nice
pair OF kangaroo skin shoes-and you
know. sir, for hops the kangaroo can't
be beaten. Inter Ocean.
WHEN man takes off his linen
collar and dons a neglige shirt, and a
woman throws aside her loose waist
and puts on a stiff shirt with a high
| collar, you may know that the hot
| weather has come.-Grand Rapids
| Democrat.
/ AS A rule, man who has a mus
| tache he can twist or whiskers he can
stroke is three times as long making
up his mind as one who hasn't t.
| Atchison Globe.
| "THEY says Mars is going to- be- a
very interesting study" "Yes," She
answered, "and as you may want to-
use the latch key, I'll go with you
while you study it. Washington
Star.