Milford chronicle., 1892-08-12
Joy FoR BALDHEADs


An Invention That Promises TO Make Life
Worth living for Many.
The wind has long been tempered TO
the shorn lamb but the baldhead has
had to take the blasts as they came. No
special dispensations in the matter Of
weather have been rDade on his account;
lie las had so look out for himself and
the fact that be survives so numerously
/ is perhaps better evidence Of his hustling
ability than Of lds innate goodness.
Why, nc one appears able to tell, but
certain it is that from time immemorial
there has been none 10 do the baldhead
reverence.
twill be remembered that when the
original baldhead was making his way
toward Bethel the children by the way
side requested him TO :go up" This
expression has no place III modern slang
hut compliance with the order doubtless
involved journey to sections not down
on our list of desirable habitatiOns. Be
that rs il may, the fact remains thgssthe
caput destitute of hairy adorBmeRt has
all along been the butt for universal
ridicule.
But it is a long lane which has no
turning, and the baldheads turn has
come at last. Some enterpris1hg philan-
thropist has invented a polish for the
hairless crown which is warranted to
turn it into thing of beauty and JOY
forever. This blessing comes in the
shape Of a polish. which a easily APP
piled by barber and imparts to the al
ready shining crown shine so brilliant
that it dazzles the eyes and so smooth
that upon it no fly can gain foothold.
Those who have never experienced
the Joys and sorrows Of badness may
not be able to appreciate the value Of
this discovery. The value is there Just
the same. With a5ittle care the polish
can be made windtight and mosquito
proof, and the haldheaded man will no
longer fall an easy prey to the influenza
laden breezes, while he can lie down to
dreams uubro5en by the assaults of
winged things. Surely fhe baldhead
millennium is at hand
The direct moral influence of this dis
cOyery cannot be overrated. With his
sparsely matched crown protected from
the attacks Of enyious Cascas the bald
head viii recover from his tendency to-
ward the use Of unauthorized explosives,
and he may even rise to the point of
taking Il front seat in the sanctuary in
fly time. Relieved of the necessity for
turning his skull into a block upon
which to butcher the musca domestica,
etc, he will be able to turn his whole
thought to the sermon, thus setting
worthy example to the congregation
while absorbing truths of which he has
long s,ood in need.
II there is Justice in all things, the
man who makes two blades of grass
grow where one has grown before will
have to take % back seat when the in
ventor of the polish for-baldheadB comes
in for his reward.
Verify, these be glorious times, and
the baldhead is one Of the chief partici-
pators in them.-Trov Times.
DO not give your check to a stranger.
This is an open door for fraud, and if your
bank loses through you it win not feel
kindly toward YOU
You can't always believe those who tell
you they have stored their furniture and
moved away for the summer. Very often
it turns ont they haven't been paying the
installments.
The search light TO Doe placed on Mount
Washington will probably be the most
powerful in the world, and In clear wea-
Their will be- seen from sections Of all the
New England states, as well as from parts
OF New York and Canada