The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-07-26
ARIZONA KICKER.
Several Specimens of Spicy Western
Journalism--The Editor Recounts
Few Recent Occurrences.
nothing.
BY NJ. QUAD.

lournallSm-- ! he d1tor ReCounCS
Few Recent Occurrences.
BY NJ. QUAD.
DISASTROUS CONFEDERATION. Fri
day night at about II o'clock we were
aroused from our SAUNDERS by the
fearful cry of "Fire!" uttered by a
voice which evidently belonged to a
baldheaded, bowlegged, cantankerous
old critter. On reaching the street
undiscovered the Office of our con
temporary in flames, while the alleged
editor thereof was dancing around
on the sidewalk and acting like a
crazy man. The lurid tongues were
lighting up the heavens for miles
around, and the demon of obstruction
was about to be let loose on the town,
when we found a pail of water and
dashed in and squelched the serpent
tongues forever. Investigation proved
that the alleged editor of the so-caIled
weekly started the con1agration by
upsetting a lighted candle on his straw
bed.
The damage was next day estimated
by an insurance agent at only SLIP,
but it was nevertheless a disastrous
fire a heavy loss for a plant worth only
about four dollars, all told. But for
u prompt presence and reckless dis
regard of danger our esteemed would
to-day be a beggar. His paper will
probably come out next week as usual,
though there is not the slightest reason
on earth why it should, We have
been severely criticised for putting out
the fire, and we feel that we owe the
people hereabout an abject apology.
SOLD AGAIN.-Sunday morning last
some of the Clinch valley cowboys
heard that we were over that way on
a visit to Colonel Brill, and about
twenty of them laid for us. They
got sight of a naturalist from Chicago,
who was after a collection of insects,
and ran him seven miles before they
discovered their error. The boys needn't
make any mistakes in future. Clinch
valley is a beautiful spot, but it is not
for us. We don't propose to put III
valuable neck in a moose AS mayor
of this town we are too much for the
cowboys when they come in loaded for
bar. Should we visit Clinch valley
they would be too much fer us. We
are satisfied to stay right here. We
know a good thing when we see it.
ONLY A RUMoR.-Last week, while
this paper was temporarily left in
charge of the horse editor, he inserted
an item to the effect that we had gone
over to Phoenix to captere a $50, 600
widow. We beg to announce that Our
horse editor was wrong. The $50, 900
widow turned out to be a plain every
day widow, with less than $4OO hidden
away in an old teapot on the top shelf
Of the parry. We had no proposition
to make. We are straight business.
The drop from $50, 1000 to 1886. 40 was a
little too much for us. .
NOT THE MAN.-Our horse editor,
who is an impetuous young journalist
from the east published an item during
our absence last week which severely
reflected on the social standing of our
esteemed fellow townsmen, Captain
John Tarbell. The item stated that he
had skipped town to avoid being ar
rested on an old warrant charging
him with killing a man in Pennsyl-
vania. Our horse editor can't remem,
Der from whom he got his facts. He
is a very energetic young man, and
meets so many people in the course OF
the day that he can't always stop tc
remember which one related this OF
| that item of news.
We now beg to humbly announce
that a great injustice was done the
gallant captain. He never killed a
man in Pennsylvania, and instead of
| jumping the town he was playing
poker in the Red Star saloon when the
paper was issued. He was all ready to
come to the Office and shoot our horse
editor when friends advised him to
await our return. We are very sorry
that such an error should have crept
into columns. The captain bit a
mans nose off at Prescott three years
ago, and he killed some sort of Indian
or other over on the Little Colorado
river last fall, but he was v in
Pennsylvania in his life. We hope
this apology will be accepted in the
spirit rendered and place him right
before the public.
We are trying to give a sort Of
Twentieth century favor to our paper
by emp'oyin g eastern Journalists who
happen along, but we confess to being
| coOoouhof RiCoOI1ro God Thovy Ioo+