Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1892-12-03
PITII AND POINT.

PlTll AND POINT.
A man who can drink or let it alone
generally does it pretty often. Lynn
Item.
The dyer is not a desperate man, yet
he usually dyes with his boots on. Chi
cago Times.
Something that speaks louder than
words--a fitty.cent tip to waiter, -
Texas Siftings.
A big man groans most when he gets
sick because there is more Of him to
suffer.-Atchison Globe
Man always buries the Ratchet where
he can get at it readily whea he wants
it again. -Gavelston News.
A mean man generally feels better
when he meets man who is more of a
rogue than he is. Rams Horn.
Jagson says there is nothing elevating
about society-it won't take man up
when he's down.-Elmira Gazette.
"Life is full of paradoxes eyes. "
eyes, it is the fast liver who has the
sluggish liver. New York Press.
"Can you see how Dotsou can afford
to order a $40 suit2' eyes. He don't
expect to pay for it, Chicago Inter
Ocean.
When a mother says her boy is "full
of life" the neighbors know it means
that he will make trouble for them. -
Atchison Globe.
ChoIly-''I think this awthor's beast
ly stupid. He says, think twice befoah
you speak," Clarence - "Pwepos.
us"-Buffalo Express
Briggs-"How do you like my new
coat; got 1t at the misft parIor. ="
Griggs rate. It's one of the
best insists ever saw."-Clothier ami
Furnisher.
Jones -"Smith is about your closest
friend, isn't hel' Borro Yes,
confound him! It's almost impossible
to borrow cent from him. KITE
Fields Washington.
Miss Pruee-''Ol, Mr.. Dude, I'm just
from the manicure's aud you don't know
how nice my hands feel Dule--"No,
but give them to me and I'll fad oat.
Chicago Inter-Ocesa.
Coal Dealer-"How much coal will
you have sent up?" Doctor Chou cat.
fullO-'I think about a two grain cap.
sule three times day will be elousa."
Chicago Inter-0oean.
An Irishman has written strong arti-
Gle in favor of ere nation, and says that
cremation has one strong advantage; it
will prevent dead people from being
buried alive.-Texa9 Siftings.
"What makes old Chief Sou,of,a Gun
so happy to-1ight2' "He robbed a
travelling opera troupe last night and
scooped trunk full of wigs. He thinks
they're scalps. New York Sun.
r. Gredone-''l hesr that Jeweler
Gilt has disappeared and that his liabili-
ties are heavy" Brad Streete $50
are his assets, he didn't leave anything
but two safes. Jewellers Weekly,
"Why don't you ask that officer about
the locationl Because he is new on
the force" 'How do you knowl'
"Didn't see him pay for the peanuts
he is eating. Chicago Inter. Ocean.
"What do we get from planting pc.
tatoes" asked speaker at a san lay.
school mass meeting in NobIeboro, Ne,
the other day, and a small boy piped out,
Operator bugs. philadelphia Ledger.
81 an always novel by the sound of
music, said young Phathead, as the
clock struck eleven "Let me play
something for you, said Miss UpIate,
with sudden eagerness. - Chicago
Times.
A Painful State of Affairs: NIathilde
Gin sure | wish | knew what Mr..
Snippys intentions are" Flora-'In.
tentions? Why, Snippy never had such
a thing In his life. Chicago News
Record.
Professor-''You seem to be very
dull. When Alexander the Great was
your age he had already conquered the
world" Student" Well, you see, he
had Aristotle for a teacher. "-rexas
Siftings.
Burley-"Tve Just borrowed So dol
lars of Hawkins" Gaggers-"Wnat
did you want al! that money for2"
Burlcy-"I didn't. wanted only 81 so,
but borrowed the rest so as to make
an impression. Chiclgo News Record
An English health officer recently re
ceived the following note from one OF
the residents of his district: "Dear sir,
beg to tell you that my child aged eight
months is suffering from measles as re-
quired by Act OF Parliament, "-Argo,
naut.
Dashaway-"I lett my silk hat hand
kerchlef tete last night, Miss Summit,
and thought I would call aud get it. -
Miss Summit-"Yes, Mr.. Dashaway,
was afraid you might call, 50 l just sent
it to you by messenger boy. "-Clother
and Furnisber.
Nine. Trapino-''You told me, sir,
that all | had to do was to leave the
tablecloth outside during the night and
the fruit stains would disappear. Well,
did so last night ''Ah! then the
stains "No! it was the tablecloth
that disappeared"
Mamma-"I am perfectly discouraged.
Tomme, | don't believe you will ever
amount to anything, you are so indoleut "
Tommie We'll, 1 guess the teacher
don't think so, cause she said that
made more trouble than any boy IN
school. Chicago Inter Ocean.
az paid the man for finishing the cis-
tern this morning, Josiah" said Mrs.
Chugwater, land it took the last cent
there was in the house, "Never mind
that, Samantha" replied Mr.. Chug-
water, soothingIy; "we've got some.
thing for rainy day at last. Chicago
Tribune.
The Flight of Shot