Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-12-29
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically.
Portrayed by Eminent Wood Artists OF
Our Own Day.

JAesoN says the race in life is not
to the fast.-Elmira Gazette.
IF man stays at home nights he.
will not be found out.-Picayune.
JOHNNY, give me proverb. "Am-
putation is the thief of legs" Harp
er's Bazaar.
THE manager Of an opera is justi-
fed in putting on" airs. -Yonkers
Statesman.
A GERMANTOWN man advertises
for "a sharp boy to cut wood. y
Philadelphia Record.
MANY man makes a failure Of
life by trying to get along with his
kin.-Atchison Globe. Il
A FRIEND of ours has named his.
horse "Nail," because his wife cannot.
drive him. -Roseleaf.
No MEAN man has right to wish
he had never been born. Let other
people do that for him!-Picayune.
MRS. MCGLONE says she can never
trust her husband out of sight I'M
less she is with him. Boston Trans
cript.
BAD boys are very promising young
sters just before being laid over the.
parental knee.-Glens Falls Repub-
lican.
THERE is a brick famine in Chi
cago, Notwithstanding that the beer.
saloons are in full blast.-Chester
News.
THE astronomers could tell more
about the comet if they could only
get onto it's curves. "-Philadelphia
Record.
WHENEVER there is subject to be
discussed the deaf-mutes generally
have a finger in it.-Binghamton
Leader.
THERE are not few ciphers in So,
ciety who think themselves good
enough figures for the german.
ten Transcript.
"Is Miss HINoTE good singer"
"She must be. Every other girl in
the choir seems to dislike her. p
Washington Star.
81 FIND it is always best to keep
COOL" said the snow. Exactly" re-
piled the sidewalk, Il catch your
drift. "-Washington Star.
"a MAN cannot be expected to-
stand in his own light" said the gas
company stakeholder who burned
candles Washington Star.
! AUTHok-Why won't you purchase
my play? there's money in it. Man
age,-Ah! bat l should want to get
money cut IF lt.-Pick-Me- Up.
WHAT do you do here?" asked "a
visitor 10 the dime museum dwarf.
Il amuse the public in a small Way"
replied the AtJle man.--Detroit free
Press.
II UNDERSTAND that all you baggeG
On your hunting trip was a pair Of
trousers" well, they were duck
trousers, anyway" = Indianapolis,
Journal
| HUSBAND Ito wife from BOSTON,
*You never find any blue stockings in.
the Prince OF Wales set" Wife
(strong- minded)-" blue is not a
fast color. Life.
The big beer. syndicate has hardly
been formed with view to raising
the price. Beer will continue going
down no matter what happens.
| Philadelphia Times.
PERTHsHIRE MISSIONARY Ito poor
and motherless boy)-"But why is
your father not steady?" Boy Teflect-
ively)-"'C he's got a wudden.
leg. Dundee Courier.
/ WIFE Ito her husband)-I say, Haw
dear, how badly the tailor has, put,
this button on your waistcoat! This,
/ is the fifth time / have had to sew it.
! on again. -Bauren kalendar.
! PRESBYTERIAN, are you, Effie?,"
said the elderly relative. United
Presbyterian" "N-not yet, annties"
Whispered the blushing Effe, "buu
I'm engaged. Chicago Tribune.
Nor IN Boston. She's fine
girl. No fiummery. A straight UP
and-down philanthropist. "But /
! don't like these straight up-and-down
! girls. They're bad form. Puck.
| BROTHER" says a Georgia editor,
| don't stop your paper just because
you don't agree with the editor The.
/ last cabbage you sent us didn't agree.
with us either, but we didn't drop
:! you from our subscription list on that
account. New York Tribune.
NOT good subjects: First boy Tin
art gallery All these historical
pictures is about foreign countries
Why don't the artists paint pictures
of American history? Second boy
I guess it's cause Americans always,
KEEP thur clothes on.-Good News
RELIABLE DATA.-"I say, Anna, my
husband came home very late last,
night; can you tell me what time it.
was?" please, ma'am, don't know
exactly; but when | got up this morn.
ing masters top-coat was still swing
ing backward and forward on the