Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-03


on, until 1 begged they would consider
how time was flying, and just pass few
resolutions and let us 60. Then they said
very courteously that there was defect in
the tickets, and asked me where I got
them,
I judged 1 saw what the trouble was
now. You see, / had bought the tickets in
cigar shop, and of course the tobacco
smell was on them; without doubt the
thing they were up to was to work the
tickets through the custom house and coll
lect duty ON that smell. So I resolved to
be perfectly frank; it is sometimes the best
way. said:
Gentlemen, I will not deceive you.
These railway tickets
.Ah, pardon, m'sieur! These are not
railway tickets.
'Oh," said, sis that the defect?"
! "Ah, truly yes,monsieur. These are lot
terry tickets, yes; and it is a lottery which
has been drawn two years ago"
He CheerfuIIy Buys without Money.
I affected to be greatly amused; it is all
| one can do in such cir cumstances; it is all
one can do, and yet there is no value in it.:
1t deceives nobody, and you can see that
| everybody around pities you and is ashamed
| of you. One of the hardest situations In
| lie, I think, is to be full of grief and a
sense of defeat and shabbiness that way,
| and yet have to,put on an outside of arch
ness and gayety, while all the time you
know that your own expedition, the treas
ures of your heart, and whose love and
| reverence you are, by the custom of our
civilization, entitled to, are being consumed
with humiliation before strangers to see you
earning and getting compassion which is
| stigma, a brand-a brand which certifies YOU
to be-oh, anything and everything which is
fatal to human respect
I said cheerlly, it was all right, just one
Of those little accidents that was likely to
happen to anybody-I would have the right
tickets in two minutes. and we would catch
the train yet and moreover have some
thing to laugh about all through the jour-
ney. I did get tine tickets in time, all
| stamped and correct, but then it turned out
that couldn't take them, because in taking
so much pains about the two missing men,
bers, had skipped the bank and hadn't the
money. So then the train left, and there
didn't seem to be anything to do but go
back to the hotel, which we did; but it was
kind of melancholy and not much said. I
tried to start few subjects, like scenery
and transubstantiation, and those sorts of
things, but they didn't seem to hit the
weather right.
The Full Realization of Danger.
We had lost our good rooms, but we got
some others which were pretty scattering
but would answer. I judged things would
brighten now, but the Head of the Expedi-
tion said send up the trunks. 1t made me
feel pretty cold. There was doubtful
something about the trunk business I
was almost sure of it. 1 was going to sug-
gest-
But wave of the hand sufficiently re-
strained me, and was informed that we
would now camp for three days and see if
we could rest up
saidsall right, never mind ringing, I
would go down and attend to the trunks
myself. got cab and went straight to
MIR. Charles Natural s place and asked what
order it was 1 left there.
''To send seven trunks to the hotel"
"And were you to bring any back?"
sNo"
"You are sure didn't tell you to bring
back seven that would be found piled in
the lobby"
absolutely sure you didn't"
'Then the whole IA are gone to Zurich or
Jericho or somewhere, and there is going to
be more debris around that hotel when the
Expedition"
L didn't finish, because my mind was get
ting to be in good bit of whirl, and
finished a sentence when you haven't, and
you go incoming and dreaming away, and
the first thing you know you get run over
by dray or COW or something.
The Courier Would Resign.
left the CAB there-I forgot it-and on
my way back I thought it all out and con-
cluded to resign, because otherwise I should
be nearly sure to be discharged. But I
i l,,,A LII. / Ii l. J..
sign in person; I could do it by message.
So I sent for Mr.. Ludi and explained that
there was a courier going to resign on ac-
count of incompatibility or fatigue or some
thing, and as he had four or five vacant
days, would like to insert him into that
vacancy if he thought he could fill it.
When everything was arranged I got him
to go up and say to the Expedition that,
owing to an error made by Mr. Natural's
people we were out of trunks here, but
would have plenty in Zurich, and we'd
better take the first train, freight, gravel or
construction, and move right along.
He attended to that and came down with
an invitation for me to go up-yes, certainly;
and, while we walked along over to the
bank to get money, and collect my cigars
and tobacco, and to the cigar shop to trade
back the lottery tickets and get my UNI
brella, and to Mr.. Natural's to pay that cab
and send it away, and to the county Jail to
get my rubbers and leave p. c. C. cards for
the Mayor and Supreme Court, he described
the weather to me that was prevailing on
the upper levels there with the Expedition,
and saw that 1 was doing very we'll where
l was.
The Defects of the Administration.
1 stayed out in the woods till P. NJ, to
let the weather moderate, and then turned
up at the station Just in time to take the
o'clock express for Zurich along with the
Expedition, now III the hands of Ludi, who
conducted its complex affairs with little
apparent effort or Inconvenience.
Well, had worked like slave while
was in Office, and done the very best knew
how; yet all that these people-dwelt upon
or seemed to care to remember was the de-
fects of my administration, not its credi-
table features, They would skip over
thousand creditable features to remark
upon and reiterate and fuss about Just one q
fact, till it seemed to me they would wear it
out; and not much of fact, either taken
by itself-the fact that [ elected myself
courier in Geneva, and put in work enough
to carry circus to Jerusalem and yet
never even got my gang out of the town.
1 finally said 1 didn't wish to hear any
more about the subject. it made me tired.
And I told them to their faces that / would
never be a courier again to save anybody's
life. And if 1 live long enough I'll prove
it. / think it's difficult, brain racking,
overworked and thoroughly ungrateful
Office, and the main bulk of its wages is a
sore heart and bruised spirit.
MARK TWAIN.