Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1892-10-13

because oil the old elements which have
always fought Democracy, the round
ers, snOllygOsters, ShOuldeT-hitters and
sons Of guns, the discOrdant elements,
every atom OF which is a storm centre
of political disintegration, are mustered
under this piebald banner OF so-called
reform. They remind me OF little
story.
Johnny was reading IN his third
reader, and he came TO the story OF the
three Hebrew children. Their names
staggered him. The teacher explained
TO him they were pronounced Shadrach,
MeShach aud Abednego, charging him
Re remember this, as he would probably
encounter the names again, A day or
! two after he did, aud fell over them
again. The teacher explained for a
second time, and warned Johnny that
the next time he failed 10 pronounce
them be would lick him, A day or two
after, while reading along, Johnny sud
denly stopped. raised his fists TO his
eyes and commenced to blubber,
What's the matter? the teacher
asked,
"'Them same three burned fellows.
BOO-hoon"
.----.LIeHT- QS THE PLATFORM.
Ia discussing the platform OF the new
party he tells of how they started out
with the st. Louis platform, then the
0cala platform, the Federation OF
Trades 30 Washington and finally the
Omaha platform. The Omaha platform
does not represent any idea Of the Ocala
platform, which is the pride OF the farm
erS.
1.-The Omaha platform" says he, ''re-
minds me OF Johns pants. John was
gOinS to a party and had bought a new
pair OF hand-me-down pants, When he
tried them on he found them three
inches too long. He asked Sally TO cut
them of aud hem them up, Sally didn't
want JOAN 20 go 20 the party and
vowed she wouldn't DO IL. They
passed some pepper and sauce
words about ia. The good
old mother-in-law, learning OF the alter
cation, thought Sally too bard on John,
so she quietly got the pants, cut three
inches of and hemmed them up again.
The sister-in-law, who, from another
room, bad heard the alteration,
thought she would take hand In paci-
flying matters. She found the pants
later and took of another three lnchcis
Sally, after looking after the house
hold affairs, repented and took three
more inches of them. Then she arOus-
ed John from his nap and told him he
had better 90 on 90 the party. John
dressed quickly in the dark and went.
When be got 20 the party and stepped
quickly into the light he cut about the
same figure as the Omaha platform
when You turn on she Ocala search
, light"
y THE LITTLE BOYS PANTS.
Then be goes right into another:
when talking about their platform, "
says he, "you cannot tell what they
mean. 1t is like the little boy whose
mother made him his first pair of pants
and proudly sent him of TO the kinder
garten. He returned home crying. The
boys at school had laughed az him. He
went 10 his mother aud told her that he
wanted a pair of store pants, for with
these be couldn't tell whether he was
going to school or coming home"
LORD, WHAT A LIAR I'VE BEEN
Into another he goes in this way:
'Mr Watson, elected as a Democrat,
abuses the Democrats aud says they
have done nothing for the country. but
have gone back on every pledge. When
/ hear man say that, l went 70 tell
him the story Of a FELLOW who wanted
TO jump a stream on a Texas prairie,
"The stream looked like il was about
ayen feet wide. He didn't notice that
he grass dropped over on. either side
out three feet. He went back 20 take
-. run and 20 over. Here be came
-licklty-sDlit. When he got within three
feet Of where he thought be was going
TO rise, he went through the grass into
the water over his head. He couldn't
swim a lick. He caught hold OF the
wet. slick grass and got his head out
tof the water. He thought IL was
line to pray. He said: 30 Lord, l
Fever stole q horse His hold slipped
q under her went again, he managed
grasp the grass and get his head
IL the water. This time he said
u, have mercy upon me. / never
Nd another mans COW. ran away
mother mans wife nor burned a
nv life. His hold slipped
ne went under. Getting to
a third time, with greater
thought he would be hon
Lord. He said: But, o
what liar / h9ye beepP
OF sWatsOn's followers he
fraid many O. Rem Don't
ere they are IN gel
&c Del rs 40