The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1892-01-27
A VICTIM OF PROGRESS.
Mr.. Heayy's Experience With
Patent Suspenders.

Sixty cents is not much 10 pay for pair
of suspeudaIs, but they came near costing
Hiram ?. Heavy the price Of his life.
Mr Heavy. who is a large, TAT man, owns
the suspeDGers, which are both new and
red, and he also holds quit-Claim deed to
the life in question.
lie bought the suspender5 yesterday. and
was moved to make the purchase, he said
because Of their peculiar construction. In
stead Of being built ike the ordinary sus-
pender these were rugged at the ends with
a lot Of little pulley wheels with ropes
through them. At the end Of each rope was
a butt0nhoie.
This arrangement, the storekeeper as
suTed Mr. Heavy. was invented by a genius
who lay awake nights for that purpose,
and was gotten IN expressly 10 relieve the
strain the ordinary suspendcT brings TO
bear on trousers buttons. When the wearer
II the patent article stopped or twisted
himself 10 any way the ropes would reeve
over the pulley wheels, thereby equalZ!ng
the strain and bringing it to bear on all the
buttons IN that district simultaneously.
WORKED LIKE a CHARM.
On this representation Mr. Heavy, who
has always had more or less trouble with
his suspeudeTs. blew in 90 cents and went
away happy. He wore his new purchase
all day and tested them in various ways,
such as picking up pins off the sidewalk,
a feat seldom il ever attempted by a fat
man, and, doing il, toe. Withcuteyen strain
ing thread.
Then as a final test Mr.. Heavy proceeded
TO get drunk, knowing full well that few
suspenders ever live through an ordeal of
This kind. But nothing Of startling
nature happened till about 10 o'clock, when
Mir. Heavy stumbled into his room at the
Moss Agate House on Pacific street, where
his room-matg was already in bed and
asleep.
By tins time Mr.. Heavy had so completely
forgotten his suspenders shat he neglected
TO remove them when he went 10 bed and
tumbled IN with a complicated mess Of
gear wheels and ropes dangling from his
shoulders.
Just how it happened this unfortunate
gentleman is unable to explain, but some
how his bedfenow got one leg tangled up in
bunch Of ropes the other ends OF which
gradually slipped up and frightened around
Mr.. UeaYey's fat neck.
A TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE.
The bedfellOw dreamed that he was bound
hand and foot and about to be borne away
10 captivity. so he set to work to burst his
bonds and once more breathe the pure air
Of freedom. While the captive was strug-
Cling for imaginary pure air, Mr.. Heavy
was not breathing air OF any kind whatsO-
ever. His wind was completely shut off,
and the hard, uuy ieiding cords sank deeply
iutO his purple neck.
In his diving struggles Mr.. Heavy emitted
several loud, gurghng gasps; then his legs
Strengthened out and began 10 twitch aud
kick about with the reckless abandon of a
mechanical toy dancer. At this extremely
delicate point in the proceedings the captive
awOke lie felt tie nip Of tie ropes on his
leg, and also heard the labored sn0rts that
ever ana anon weled up in Mr. HeaYy's
heaVing bosom.
The captive knew nothing Of his sus-
pendeTs. and in his daZed condition. was
al somewhat OF a loss TO grasp the situation
thoroughly and intelligiblY. but with great
presence Of mind he grabbed his trousers
which were hanging on the bedpost. pulled
out a knife and cut Mr.. Heavy down ia
time to save his life.
Such was the story told by the captive
who accompanied the victim Of misplaced