Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-12-05
JUST FOR FUN.

"What's a centaur, papa?" GA cen
taur, my dear child, is fabulous crea
ture now extinct"
When barber talks too much bis
stories are generally illustrated with
cuts.
Suribblems-Which do you think is
the best of my short stories9 Criticus
The shortest, by all means.
''I guess that must be watch dog, y
said Tommy, "for his tail begins to
tick whenever you speak to him."
The sluggard is told to go to the ant,
but, with the perversity of human ma
ture, he usually goes to his uncle.
The celebrated remedy Salvation Oil, is re-
commended by experienced veterinary sur
geons as just the thing for the stable and cat
tie yards
Harry got hung on the fence he was
trying to climb. 90 UNCLE" he cried,
81 can't get over the fence wild my
selfln
He-I think most men are fools to
marry. She-Yes, that is true; and
we poor girls have nothing else to
marry.
Mamma-Wen, did you tell God how
naughty you have been? Lily-No, 1
was ashamed. thought it had better
not get out of the family.
Wife-We were born on the same
day, John. Husband-Who cares for
that? We were married on the same
day, too. That's what hurts me.
Fortieth Friend (since breakfast)-
By Jove, old fellow, you've got fear
full cold! What are you taking for it?
Sufferer (hoarsely)-Advice.
The honest public sentiment of the people
of the United States is UNANIMOUSLY in favor of
Drl Bulbs Cough Syrup. The dealers pro-
nounce it to be the only standard cough rem
edy.
The Rev. Mr.. Arlington-You should
always be particular about details,
Miss Tucker. 1t is the little things
that tell. Nellie-I know that. I have
three small sisters.
"Jinks, the man we nominated, re-
fuses to run" "What's his reason?n
"He says it's against his principles.
He used to be messenger boy years
ago."
Mamma = When the boy threw
stones at you, why didn't you come
and tell me instead of throwing them
back? Little Son-Tell you? Why,you
couldn't hit barn door.
Mrs. Norwich ( who prides herself
on her knowledge of art) To what |
institution do you think I ought to
leave my pictures when 1 die? Con-
artist - To the asylum for
the blind
Don't suffer with indigestion, use Baxter's
Mandrake Bitters.
''I wouldn't take that doll to school
if were you, Hal. 1t isn't manly to
play with dolls" ayes, it is, papa. 1t
takes very brave boy to play with
dolls in our school, the other boys
jeer So"
Said Pine Street lawyer to his
young clerk, "Why weren't you at the
office earlier this morning?" "Beg
pardon, sir; but Pm reformer; be-
ieve the office should seek the man,
not the man the office.
Prof. Barrett of st. Lawrence county, N. Y,
speaking of pulmonary diseases, says not
'ne death occurs now where twenty died be-
ore Downs Elixir known. over fifty
ears of constant success places Downs Elk
r at the head of the long list of cough rene
lies.
A class in grammar was reciting, and
one of the younger boys was asked
10 compare ''sick." He began thought
ully, 'Sick," paused while his brain
with the problem, then fin
shed triumphantly, "Sick, worse,
lead"
The reason why Arnica g. OH Eminent is so
popular with the ladies is because it not only
S very healing and soothing but its odor is
lot at all offensive.