The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-01-23
NEWGAG.

It was not his real name or his stage
name, but it was the one under which he
was best known by those who best knew
him. 1t had been thrown at him in a cafe
one night by a newspaper man after the
performance, and had chung to him. Its
significance lay in the fact that his gags"
supposedly comic things said by presum-
ably comic men in nominal opera or bur
lesque-invariably were old The man who
bestowed the title upon him thought it
fine bit of irony.
Newgag received it without expressed
resentment, but without mirth, and he
bore it's repetition patiently as seasons
went by. He was accustomed to enduring
calmly the jests, the indignities that were
elected by his peculiar appearance, his
doIeful expression his slow and bungling
speech and movement, his diffident manner.
He was one of the forbearing men, the
many who are doomed to continual suffer
ing of kind chat their sensitiveness and
timidity make it the more difficult for
them to bear Undying ambition burned
beneath his undemonstrative surface;
dauntless courage lay under his lack of
ability.
He was an extremely spare man, of ex-
traordinary height and the bend of his
shoulders gave the small head comical
thrust forward. His black hair was with
out curl and it would tolerate no other ar
rangement than being combed back
straight It was allowed to grow down
ward until it scraped the back of Newgag's
collar. a device for concealing the meager-
ness of his neck
He had smooth, pale face, slanting
from ears to Lose like wedge; and the
dimness of the blue eyes added to its in
Prospective cast. He blushed, as a rule,
when he met new acquaintance or was adj
dressed suddenly. He had gloomy look
and hesitating way OF speech. An anus
ing spectacle was his mechanical looking
smile, which, when he became conscious
Of it, passed through several stages ex-
pressive of embarrassment until his normal
mournfuI aspect was reached.
AS he usually appeared in sack coat
when off the stage, the length of his legs
was divertingly emphasized. After the
fashion of great actors of bygone genera
ton, he wore a soft black felt hat, dinged
In the crown from front to rear.
He had entered "the profession" from the
amateur stage, by way of the comic opera
chorus, and to that chance was due his
being located in the comic opera wing of
the great histrionic ediice. He had orig
inally preferred tragedy; but the first con-
sideration was the getting upon the stage
by any means Having industriously
worked his way out of the chorus be had
been reconciled by habit to his environ
ment and had come to aspire to eminence
= 10 baA holt ha 81 MD Ofa
secondary comedian-that is to say, man
playing secondary comic roles in the pieces
for which be is cast. He was useful in
such companies as were directly or in
directly controlled by their leading come
dams; for there never could be any fear of
his outshining those autCcratic pcrsonages,
Only in his widest hopes did he ever look
upon the center of the stage as spot posi-
bic for him to attain.
His means of evoking laughter upon the
stage were laborious upon his part and
mystifying to the thoughtful observer. He
took noticeable pains TO change from his
real self 1t mattered not what were the
nature of the part he filed, he invariably
assumed an unnatural. strained, rasping
voice; he stretched his mouth toits utmost
reach and lowered the eXtremities Of his
lips; he turned his toes inward NATURALLY
his feet described an abnormal outward
angle and bowed his arms. Brought up
in the school which teaches that to make
others laugh one must never smile ones
self, he wore grotesquely lugubrious and
changeless countenance. Such was New
gag in his every impersonation. When he
thought he was funniest he appeared to be
in most pain and was most depressing.
my methods are legitimate, anyhow"
he would say when he had enlisted ones
attention and apparent admiration across
a table bearing beer bottles and sand
witches "The people want horse play now
adays But when I've got to descend to
that sort of thing I'll go to the variety
stage or circus ring at once-or quit"
That's a happy thought, old man."
said comedian of the younger school one
night, when Newgag had uttered his
wonted speech. why don't you quit?"
Such speech sufficed to rob Newgag of
his self possession and to reduce him to
silence He could not cope with easy, Off
hand, impromptu testers. In truth, no
one triet. more than Newgag to excel in
"horse play" but his temperament or his
training did not equip him for excelling in
it; he defended the monotony, emptiness
and toilsomeness of his humor on the
ground that it was Legitimate.
One night Newgag drank two glasses of
beer in rapid succession and looked at me
with touching countenance.
"Old boy" he said, in his homely drawl,
I'm discouraged! begin to think I'm
not in itr'
"Why, what's wrong'"
| "Well-Tve dropped to the fact that
| after all these years in the business can't
make them laugh"
| was about TO say, 80 you've just awak-
ened to that's but pity and politeness de-
| tered me. Every one else had known it,
/ all these years. Newgag. to be sure, should
naturally have been, as be was, the last 70
/ discover it.
Newgag thus went one step further than
! any comedian have ever known Having
detected his inability to amuse audiences,
he confessed it.
People who know actors and read this.
will already have said that it is fiction
and that Newgag's admission is false 70
| life. Not so; am writing lot about come
dams in general. but about Newgag.
That he had come 70 so exceptional 3 con-
cession marked the iepta OF MS despair.
tried to cheer him.
Nonsense. my boy They give you bad
parts Go out OF comic opera Try tragedy. "
had spoken innoeently and sincerely.
But Newgag thought | WAS testing. In
stead OF his usual attempt at lofty callous-
ness. however, he smiled that dismal mar
ionette like smile OF his That gave me an
idea, of which said nothing at the time
Several months afterwsrd. a manager
who is friend of mine, was suddenly
plunged in distress because of the serious
illness of an actor who was TO fill a part IN
! a utsyy 4 uler1can coTy,pdy that Inc ulana-es