davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31
Take the Biggest.

He was 80 per cent. mouth, and
the odds and ends of his face that
weren't mouth were freckles.
He got into line at a stamp win
dow on the Broadway side of the
postoffice, and his wife waited near
and kept an eye on him and both
on an imitation leather valise.
"Gimme one postal card, d,"he said,
when the window was at last reach
ed.
"What size?" inquired the man
inside.
"Hey?"
What size, say; there are
three kinds"
"Gosh, you don't say! All of
'em cost a cent?"
"Yes."
"Gimme the one that'll go to Del
aware county"
"They all WILL" said the stamp
seller impatiently; "there are three
sizes-big, little and medium
which'll you have? Shake it up"
he added, as the line began to grow
restless.
The applicant for one postal hes
itated a moment, and then dropped
out of the procession, and went over
to his wife.
"Looweesa," he says, there's three
sizes, big, little and NAHUM"
"Well, which did you buy?"
"Nothin' yet; thought I'd con-
suit you first, but seein' we're only
goin to say well git there Wendy,'
l reckon I'll buy the littlest.'
Nov if that amt just like you,
you good for nothin' man. she
snapped contemptuously; 'you've
took the littlest' all yer life, and if
it hadn't been for me you'd 'er
dried up and blowed away years ago.
The writing don't matter, it's prin-
ciple. Try and be man, even if
you amt, you pore little cuss. Git
on to that line, and when he says
'wottle you have you plank down
yer cent and say; gimme the big
gest.' Hear me?"-N. Y. Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

of certain Knight Errant' who
had established the most familiar
and friendly relations with his horse.
When there was no hurry, and con-
sequently not much need of IA horse,
the steed bore the knight. But
when dispatch became requisite, the
knight returned the compliment,
and carried the horse. This appears
to be about the relation that exists
between faith, as a curative medium,
and ourselves. 1t is a panacea so
long as there is nothing the matter
with us. But in serious cases it
should be supplemented with
quinine, cod-liver oil, syrupof squills,
or some other well-known remedy.
Maria and | have decided that
faith is a good thing, and should
be kept in the house. AS substi-
tute for brown-bread pills we believe
it to be unrivaled. To the rich, who
can afford to be ILL., when there is
nothing the matter with them, we
heartily commend it as a specific.
But for bruises and dog bites, while
the theory is no doubt correct, the
process is too slow. The great ex-
ponent of faith has declared that
faith without works is dead. So
likewise we have decided that faith
without arnica is a delusion and a
snare. New Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31
Musical Item.

II DESIRE" said Miss Esmerelda
Longcoffin, entering a music store
OH Austin avenue, ''to purchase a
piece of muics for my little brother,
who plays on the piano."
"Here, miss, is precisely what you
want"
"What is the name of it?"
1.-THE Maiden's Prayer, for fifty
cents"
'Only fifty cents! Why, he's
much further advanced than that.
for last month he played "a piece
worth seventy-fve cents. Haven't
you something for "a dollar?"-
Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Medium-"This is the spirit of
John Jones. Does any one desire
to communicate with him?" Editor
-"Yes. He owes me SO. Ask
him what he's doing in the next
world" Spirit-"Running an ice
factory. Call early and avoid the
rush. Atlanta Constitution.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

II don't feel right about going
in there" said Chillson Fever in
front of aphysician' house. "Pshaw
He's one of the best doctors in the
city," replied Coffin Coles. III know
but look at his sign-"0 to H.
"Wellp" "Well, don't take any
such chances as that. Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

The Ground of His Objection
The young man-"Gracie, what is
it your father sees in me to object to,
darling?" The young woman
(wiping away a tear)-"He doesn't
see anything in you, Algernon,
That's why he objects. Chicago
Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

American Style. Scads--You
say he left no money! Baggs-No.
Y on see he lost his health getting
wealthy, and then lost his wealth
getting healthy.-Smith, Gray &
Co.'S Monthly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

And Import Their Rum. Tom
my-What are barbarians, paw ?
Mr.. Figg-They are people who
fight with bows or spears, instead
of repeating rifes.-Indianapolis
Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

II expect to figure a good deal in
Washington this year," remarked
the man with the large forehead
"Indeed?" said the other. "Yes
| am a professor of mathematics. y
Kate Fields Washington.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Still in the Ring.-"And you
want a pension?" That's whatr'
"How long were you in the warp
"Well, sir, | wur married long in
go, an peace amt been declared
yit; so you kin 'jes calkelate fer
yerselfw-Atlanta Constitution.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Young hopeful-"Father, did you
understand trigonometry when you
were a boyp" Man of affairs
"Triggernometry Why, bless you
my son, there wasn't nobody in the
whole country handler with a gun
than mev-Harper's Bazaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Mrs. Plain6eld (proudly)-"And
who would have thought that
should ever be the mother of a
poetP" Her neighbor (misunder-
standing)-"Ob, well, don't worry
about that. He'll have better sense
when he gets little older. Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

An electric" oyster stew is being
advertised. They give you shock
ing stew at many places which make
no boast of electricity.-Boston
Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

as this a fast train" asked the
travelling man of the conductor.
"Of course it is" was the reply.
81 thought so. Would you mind
my getting out to see what it is fast
to."-New York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Signifcant.-When girls faith
er stamps his foot it usually signi-
fies that he is going to try to send
it through the male.-New York
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Gay bachelor-Do you think
there's anything in the theory that
married men live longer than un-
married ones? Henpecked friend
(wearly)-Oh, | don't know-seems
longer.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

First citizen-The editor was
''half-shot" last night. Second citi.
zen-Well, there wasn't any use
wasting a whole load on him
Powder and shot comes high!-At.
lanta Constitution. y
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Rapid Growth. "This town
seems to be making rapid progress =
said a visitor to resident of Boom
vile, Oklahoma. "You are jist
right, stranger, Why, we've had
to enlarge the Jail twice. Epoch
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Intuition. Fangle--"What sort
of dress was that Mrs. Snooper
wore to-night?" Mrs. Fangle-
"Demi-train." "That's precisely
what Cumso said when he trod OH
it, but how did he know its name?"
New York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31
HUMOROUS.

$50 dark and yet so light!' as
the man said when he looked at his
new ton of coal.-Drake's Magazine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

Conductor-"We have missed the
connection and you will have to
wait at this station six hours
Old woman (who is little nervous
on the railway)-"Well, I'm safe
for six hours anyway."-New York
Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

DO brutes have language?'
asked the president of the Millvillt
Literary Circle at a recent meeting
"Do they?" replied the secretary
"You ought to hear my husband
when he loses his collar button. y
Exchange.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31
no YOU WANT TO MARRY. or do y

no YOU WANT To MARRY. or do you
~ wish social letters from gentlemen and ladies
Of culture and means from all over the country II
so, just send on 10 cents and receive copy OF the
elegant matrimonial paper called ORANGE Bios
SONS, which will afford you more healthful enjoy
ment than you have had for many day each
number contains hundreds Of letters from young
ladies and gentlemen wanting correspondents from
woman who has not found his her affinity here's
the golden opportunity. Address ORANoE DLos-
SONS, room 70. Is Boylston street, Boston Mass
l087y1
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

there is no essential difference.
Providing he is fed and lodged, he
is satisfied Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

He-"Mattie, if ! only dared to
kiss you" She-''Harry, whatever
you are, don't be coward. ."-Bos-
ton transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31
Detroit, Bay CITY & Alpena R'R'

Accom- Mail and Mail ana ACCOM-
modation. Express. ENpress' mooauon'
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07
NO POLES I'm CHINA,
vvh,y Telegraph Wires In the FIowery
Kingdom Go Underground.

Why telegraph Wires In the FIowery
Kingdom Go Underground.
There are no telegraph poles IN
China. Not because there are no
telegraph lines, nor yet because there
are not wood suitable for poles.
Strangely enough, says the st. Louis
Globe Democrat, the reason is purely
religious. The Chinese worship their
dead fathers and grandfathers, and
in regard the resting place Of their
remains as 50 sacred that they deem
it q sacrifice to allowa shadow to be
cast upon their graves.
When the linemen Of the first
Chinese telegraph companies began
operations they were greatly embar-
raised in their operations by crowds
Of inhabitants who followed them
about and with the most friglltfnl
blasphemies, cut down the poles as
fast as they were erected. For some
time explanation col ad be obtained,
but at last the working parties dis
covered that in more thickly settled
districts OF the Celestial Empire graves
were everywhere to be found, and
scarcely a pole could be erected any
where but that at some tiRae of tile
day it cast shadow ON a grave.
The difieallty was ins..pErabte, and
the Chinese government, anxious as
it WAS to render assistance. stood
powexless. So all the wires went ula-
.derground and it is said tha system
proved perfectly Efficient.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07

IN 8 %
y! iss d !, ~ s.s - &
~ sssss &
g !. q. s,s;s.s z. Z.
~ 81, nv
s. , 3, !. "a s; s anp
s.1ss. I. q. !, .',el ain s.
. .,,,l5 -. 3. :,
der e'.a ~ s 81. The as ON
"a, 90,
Ana a1ar;c,, :, "a. cl ! - e
o,,onea - tl;s ti,a q s.,
and Oranea are bnsv nov !, while t =,
: sl,,l a. aon ana WOES so..s'
!, "a 8 s rn.d 1;a,,ra $50 'o'
"a rrha 81 i -, q 3,
az "a. = : 40 sses LII
Iloneu ale g Pros pelous ana inIelil-
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07
THE DISMAL FIGURES"

A Democratic Newspaper Laments
the Failure of a Democratic Con-
Rress.
There could beno more striking IL
Illustration OF the folly of irresponsible
Democrats in the Fifty-second House
than is afforded by Mr. Holman's at.
tempt to defend the record OF the
majority in the matter OF appropria-
tions.
To make a showing ofreduction and
retrenchment in the total for the SEES
sion, Mr.. Holman is obliged to COM
pare that total with the figures for
the second session of the Billion Con-
gress, instead OF the figures for the
first session, where the comparison
properly belongs. What the Fifty
second Congress will do at it's second
session no human being can foretell.
A material reduction from the total
Of it's first session is rather the sub
iect at hope than OF prediction. But
it remains true, everything being con-
sidered, that the record Of
the Democratic House in the
matter OF appropriations is a be-
trayal Of the voters who elected it on
the issueof economy, a Reputation
of its own professions and promises,
and a shame and disgrace to the
party
Already the attempt has b gun to
explain and excuse and extenuate the
failure of the Overwhelmingly Demo-
cratic majority in the present House
to fulfill it's mission. This course is
regarded as good campaign pol
icy. We do not think so. We believe
that it is good campaign policy to
state the facts exactly as they are, to
hold Democratic sinners to their full
measure ofresponsibility, and to Sc
cure, if possible, a Democratic major
ity in the F'ifty-third House which will
not initiate the reckless, selfish, and
almost criminal extravaganza of the
money-scatterers OF the Fifty-sec-
ond.-N Y. Sun, Dem.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07
IS LOVE: TAIL.

Showing THE BEAUTIES OF ENGLISH oRrHo-
GRApHY.
A pretty made went out won day, 81 4 81 ;.
Twas in the summer thyme,
But style maid paws to say
.tAh, know! cannot clime!''
Then in the would suppose we wrest, !"
Sew made haste to say
And wen thes son is inn the west
Wheel take our honieward weigh
Her cheek was read, her smile was suite,
Soft.shown her eyes of blew
And threw the grass her dainty feat
Seemed just as If they fue.
Then boulder groan, my love tolled, s..
offered hart and hand;
And with a wiring ofpurest gold 80
ceiled loves mystic bahned.
d. T. Corbett in Life
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07
Protection and the Farmer.

It seems to me self-evident that
protection tends to shorten the dis
tance between the farmer and the ar
tesan and manufacturer, hence to di-.
minish the cost Of exchanging their
respective products, and thus to Sc
cure to the farmer not only surer and
steadier markets for his produce, but
an ampler recompense for his labors.
.Snch are theconcIusions that long ago
made me a protectionist. Distant
markets are all but inevitably incon-
sistent, uncertain, markets. Europe
has deficient larvests one year and
buys grain OF us quite freely, but next
year her harvests are bounteous and
she requires very little lnoreifood than
she produce, no matter how freely we
may be buying OF her fabrics. Hence
our wheat now sells very far below the
price which ruled here when Europe
had q neager harvest. "A remote mar
sket virtually restricts the farmer to
two or three great staples, while near
markets enable him to diversity his
products aid thus maintain and in
crease the productive capacity OF the
soil. Horace Greedy.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07
NO FREE TRADE FOR THEM.
Wholesome Effects the Mckinley
Tariff Act Upon the Hat Industry.
[HoN. T. B. REED, in New York Press.


Tariff Act Upon the Hat Industry.
One OF the leading industries Of
Newark aud the Oranges is the manu-
facture Of soft felt hats There are
over fifty firms engaged in the hat
trade in these two cities and their
suburbs, and over 1900 hands are
employed in the various factories.
The majority OF the hat manufacture
ers are Republicans, a. are the larger
numbersof the hands, and l1rany of
the manufacturers and iourneynlen
are olt-spoken in their enthusiastic.
support al Harris on and Reid on re-
count OF the benefit the hating trade
has enjoyed from the operations
OF the Mel inley act, which, BY I'M
creaslns the duty on imported hats,
has practically driven foreign felt hats
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07
A MORNING GLORY.

NEE upon a
time, SO m e.
where in Some
body's garden
there grew a
Morning Glory
vine. Nobody
knew how it
came there, for
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07

Ours is not a de-
structive party. We
are not at ennitv
Withthe rights ofany
OF our citizens. All
ere our conntryillen.
Nv care notTecklessly
heed lesso fally Amer
ican interests. nor
will NE abandon our
regard fel, them. z Z :.
irover c levpIalrtl's
50 eec II accepting
q, snloer.ttic comma
ton.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-09-07
E P y 3 L IS G A N

Our reciprocity arrange
ment with Cuba went into eff
feet September l, 1891.
Since January l, 1901 -four
months later writes one author
ity, American breadstuffs
have as completely driven Span
ish flour from the Cuban mar
ket as if the latter product had
been boycotted throughout the
island"
This is the result of what the
Democratic platform terms
sham reciprocity
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-10-08
ANOTHER MYSTERY
Which tho Dull London Police VIII Never
10 Ablo to Solve.


LONDON, Oct. IA startling discovery
was made to-day in a section OF this
city noted Tor tho many heinous crimes
which have been committed within its
precincts. The scene OF the affair is on
Dan street, in the Whitechapel district,
where q number Of men have been en-.
ployed for the last few days in the work
OF excavating for a new building, which
is to be erected on a long-dlsused site.
This spot had once been occupied by
a notorious criminal resort, which was
we'll known to the police by reason OF
the many offences against the law which
had been brought to their notice, dur
ing the time the pince had fiourished.
The resort gained greater evil promin-
ence by being the scene OF one OF the
horrible butcheries OF fallen women at
tributed to the diabolical and mysteri-
ous parsonage known as Jack the Rip
per-" 1t was in this place that one oil
his poor victims was found with her
body mutilatod in the usual sickening
manner which marked the work OF this
assassin.
The workmen were busily engaged at
InelI luUuTa LOsuty WuuA Al LuIAluG
over a quantity Of debris, a rough box
was revealed which at once excited Curl
osity as to what its contents might be.
1t was quickly opened, and to the aston
ishment OF the men it was found to
contain the dry bones Of three adults,
and everything pointed to terrible
crime committed at u remote period.
The discovery created good deal oil
excitement and many persons visited
the place to view the skeleton. Much
speculation was INDUCED in, but no
facts in connection with the case were
brought to light The police were noti-
fed and an investigation has been insti-
tuted by the authorities to ascertain ii
possible how the remains came to be
placed in the spot where they were
found,
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-10-08
woBuRN's cE1EBRATIoN.
Tho Secretary of state Represents thu
President and Does It Well.

woBuRN, MASS, Oct. lit is esti-
mated that twenty thousand strangers
were in town to-day, tho second of the
quarter millenial celebration. The
weather is all that could bo desired and
the big procession, the feature OF the
forenoon, was pronounced success.
The climax OF the great celebration
came this afternoon in the banquet in
the new armory. Ex-Mayor Johnson
performed the duties Of toast master in
u most graceful manner.
In his Introductory address he called
attention to the fact that three Presi-
dents Of the United States-Franklin
Pierce, Grover Cleveland and Benjamin
Harrison-traccd their ancestry to tam-
lilies now or formerly residing in Wo-
burn. His mention of the name OF
Grover Cleveland brought out burst
Of enthusiastic applause, but when he
spoke the name Of President Harrison
il was greeted with perfect ovation OF
cheers and clapping OF hands.
The irst toast was "The President OF
United States" and after q brief letter
OF regret had beon read from President
Harrison, his representative in the per-
son Of Hon. John w. Foster, Secretary
OF State, was presented and was given a
reception that must have stirred his
heart with delight. He said:
ut Is not for me to respond to-day
for the President in his relation to you
as a son of Woburn. can boast Of not
drop Of New England blood in my
veins. My only right Of liinship to this
interesting anniversary is a brlet resi-
dence at your nearby venerable uni
yersity. But as the early inhabitants
OF this ancient town loyalty honored
their king beyond the sea, so
may We all, as American citizens, with
even more propriety pay our tribute OF
respect to tho chief magistrate whom
by our free choice we have placed in
the supremest post OF authority OF this
nation.
While in the enforced absence of the
President from these festivities it may
have been expected that should re-
spond to tho manifestation OF respect to
him and to his high office, which you
have so heartily offered, it would not
on this occasion be becoming in me, as
a member OF his official household to
enter upon any commendation OF his
administration.
The record which he has made and
the manner in which he has discharged
the high trust confined to him are
known to you all and you can judge how
worthily he is entitled to rank in the
iIlustrious line OF American Presidents.
I may, however, be pardoned, as one to
the manner born, for saying that | and
my neighbors take pride in pointing to
him as n typical son OF Indiana.
In his name, and on my own behalf, l
heartily thank you for this manifesto
tisn, and pray that the spirit OF Godli-
ness, Of morality, OF intelligence, Of
liberty and patriotism which for two
hundred and fifty years has dwelt with
you, may hero abide and pervade the
whole republic for generations TO
come" Sre
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-10-08

per cent bonds, the right to pay them
maturing September /, 1891, and which
Mr.. Stevenson says we could not pay?
The holders OF more than $25, 600 900 OF
these bonds requested that they be con-
tinued at 2 per cent, and this admins.
tration enjoys the enyiable position OF
having placed q government loan at a
lower rate OF interest and in a more ad-
advantageous position than any gov
ernment on earth, and illustrated by n
practical test that the credit OF the
United States government under the
presidency Of Harrison enjoys the high
est and best credit it ever before enjoy.
ed, the remaining s25, 100000 have been
paid.
Upon this subject Of the condition of
the treasury, the Democratic party, no
doubt felt that the appropriations made
by the Fiity.tirst Congress 1.-THE Billion.
Dollar Congress. as they call it,, would
cause such heavy drain upon the
treasury as 10 be embarrassing, a situa-
ton that would have delighted them.
And the treasury, it is true, is not over
flowing with money, and doubtless re-
quires closer scrutiny and caro- than
heretofore. The secretary naturally
would be pleased with all efforts, by
whomsoever made, that would prospect
lively improve the situation.
Taking up the tariff question, Secre-
tary Foster said he did not propose to
discuss the constitutionality of protec-
ton, Washington, Jefferson and Jack
son settled that long ago.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-10-08
WEAVER SPEAKS
In Tennessee, and VIII go to Pulaski
To.dny and bravo All OppositIon.

In Tennessee, nnd VIII go to Pulaski
To-day and Brave All Opposition.
NASHVILLE, Oct. 7.--Gen. James B.
Weaver and Mrs. Lease spoke to large
crowd at a barbecue given by the
Peoples party at Goodlettsville, vii
1age ten miles north of Nashville.
General Weaver made long speech, in
which he dealt chiefly upon the silver
question, denouncing the positions OF
both Democratic and Republican par
ties.
Mrs. Leases speech was frequently
applauded. Tonight General Weaver
was billed to speak in this city, but be-
cause OF fatigue declined. The party
leave for Pulaski, Tenn, in the morn
ing whore General Weaver and Mrs.
Lease have appointments.
There is some feeling in that town
against General Weaver as an individ-
ual, but all measures will be taken by
all the political parties to secure him an
uninterrupted hearing.