The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-11-25

sexton (Ah Foo he'd brought in a round
of drinks he said: Gents, ez chairman
exofficer in this erlayout move tina
we give the parson little present fel
Christmas. Yer know he won't take {
durn cent from us, N never has. UN
course he has taken a few thousand
from time to time to send to orfngs 4
things NV that kind, but not a red fol
hissef or pard, n l move that we make
him little present on Christmas day,
n it needn't be so - little either
Gents in favor II say so n gents wot
amt kin keep mum. Carried, n that
! settles it. Five Ace N nell take in con.
| tributions, n we won't take any less
than fifty cases.
THAT wuz two days afore Chrls'mus
day, n when it cum Pete n Five Ace
he'd about five thousand in dust n mug
gets fer the parsons present. Pete as
sessed All Foo a months pay, n he
kicked hard accordin, but 'twer'n't no
use.
"The day was bright n clear, n at
1even o'clock every man in camp wuz at
church. The little buildin looked mighty
tasty-an fixed off with pine tassels n
red berries we'd got in the woods, n
every man wuz dressed out in his
best buds. AT Teven exact the par
son n the kid, who he'd bin standin at
the door shakin hands n wishin every-
body what cum in Merry Christmas,
cum in n took their seats on the plat
form. Pete n Five Ace n Bill Jones n
Alabam n me sot on a bench Jest in
front o the platform. We wuz all
logged out in our best ixin's, n Pete n
Five Ace they sported diamons till yer
couldn't rest. WAL, ez usual, the per-
ceedin's opened up with er prayer from
the parson, n then we he'd singin, n it
seemed ter me ez if l never he'd heerd
SIGH singin in my life afOre ez tibet kid
let out O. him tibet day.
"Then the parson he started in ter
jaw, n l must elbow he Civ us a great
discourse. | never see him SO long
winded afore, tho, n Pete was begin
min to get mighty restless n Uneasy,
when all Nv a suddint we heerd the
door open n shet quick n sharp, n
every one turned around to find a great
big black bearded cuss at the door a
GOVERN the hull gang NV us with a
double bar'led shotgun, n jest a stand
in thar cool N silent Face around
here, yer - - FOOLS yelled some
body in a sharp, quick, biznus meanin
vice, n all hands faced around to find
the parson holding EN- up We another
shotgun-own brother to the one the
other cuss he'd.
"T don't want word out er YER he
sed. Yer see my game now, don't yer?
Thar amt a gun in the house 'cept the
ones you see, N if any gent makes any
row in this yer meetin III fill his hide so
plum full o. holes t won't hold his bones.
The kid will now take up the collection,
n ez it's the first one we ever hev taken
up yer must make it a hber'l one, see?'
The kid started out with gunnysack,
n went through the very last man in
the crowd. He took everything, even
to the rings on our fingers. The parson
he'd the drop, n we knew it n never
kicked, but jest Civ up our stuff like
lambs.
After the kid he'd finished, he took
the sack outside, n that's the last we
ever seed o. him. Then the parson he
SEE: IN now, gents, must say adoo, ez
l must be a travelin, for 1 hev another
meetin to attend this eve. want to
say tho afore | go tibet you're the orner-
lest gang of - - fools l ever played
for suckers. A few friends of mine hev
taken the liberty, while yer've been to
meetin this blessed Christmas day, NV
goin through yer cabins n diggin up yer
little caches NV dust n other valables.
Yer stock hez all been stampeded, n yer
guns yer'll find somewhat at the bottom
of the crick. My friend at the door viii
hold yer level while l walk out, II we
will then keep yer quiet fer few min
utes longer through Their winder jest so
s we can git a nice cumf't table START n
so they did. What c'ud we do? The
parson walked out, grinning all over
himself, n he n his pals they nailed up
the door FL the winders Ghar wuz only
two), n very soon after they he'd finished
we heard the clatter O. huffs n knowed
they wuz gone.
81 must draw veil over the rest of
that days proceedin's, stranger. The
langwidge used by ther boys wuz too
awful to repeat, but twas jest ez this
parsOn sed, when we got out O tibet
meetin house we found%Svery animal on
the location gone, n the only arms left
wuz knives n clubs, yet we'd hev gone
after 'em with nothin but our hands, |
but we couldn't follow afoot. How
much did they get? l don't rightly |
know, but not fur from fifty thousand. |
The hull camp wuz stone broke, all excep' !
All Foo, n he wuz the only one Nv us as
he'd sense enuff not to tell tibet burned
parson whar he cached his stuff. Pete
n Five Ace wuz so everlast hurt at the
hull biznus that they shut up the Bird
o. Prey, borrowed All Foo's sack n left
for the bay to try n find tibet parson,
but they never did find him, n no
one ever heard Nv him again. Cali
fornian