The record-union., 1892-03-17
/" SQUINK'S" SQUAWKS.
He Tried TO Tell What He Doesn't
Know About Ranching.
An Essay on Goats, Cows. and Other
Things Country Customs Not
Popular in Town.

In the course of scintillating career
was clerk on ranch, where gathered in
good deal of experience which / have
never had any particular use for since.
Ii anyone wants it he can have it.
II you never served on California
ranch you may be happy, even ignorantly
blissful, but you don't know much.
On the ranch we had everything that
was necessary in life, and great deal
that was otherwise, for everything that
no one else had use for came to Us. On
our ranch we had i stage station, IA toll
bridge, hotel and a big creek which got
full every chance it got and went on
tear. Then we had the woods and corral
and barn and everything around about
full of something g-horses, cows, hogs,
goats, sheep. ducks, polecats, dogs and
coyotes, turkeys. geese, snakes, frogs and
hornets everything mentionedin COM
plete encyclopedias. Ii there was any
thng especially unfortunate, trouble
some, dangerous or peculiar we had it in
unnecessary abundance.
There were 1t lot OF guinea fowls in our
collection ot trou0le. which are a speckied
species of dry weather mud hen, with
y.
guinea fowl isn't good for anything so
far as oar abiest thinkers have ;ly,er-
tanned. All they can do is sit on the fence
in long line and screesh; whenever
they lay eggs they always hide their nests
and hatch snakes.
However, we had some goats. If there |
IS anything | don't want any more 1t is
goats.
1he only thing goats do is increase and |
try To Mor:nonl..e tho country, and u lew |
ahle-bodied goats can involve neighbor-
hood III despair. The only thing which |
can be done with goats is to sell them for |
mutton 10 some blind butcher.
If there is any creature with feehler |
intellectual! department than Il sheep it IS
a cali, but calves sometimes develop into I
COWS, which are Strong-minded enough /
Tor any troublesome purpose.
The COW does not always kick, like the (
mule, but when she does kick YOU never
expect iC until she has achieved her OBJ /
Ject. a mule generally kicks in some /
anticipated direction, but the cJw can /
Kick in every quarter e&cept directly In |
front, where she don't need to, II size I
can't kick y"u through the fence she /
tosSes you over it-unless you become I
unavoidably detained Ell route The COW |
Goes not kick with any notable degree of |
graceluIness, hnt size always produces Ell |
1ect. Nevertheless, considerable milk is |
obtained from the COW, though it may not |
get into general circulation III the city. -
COWS are becoming discouraged since
the advent OF spurious butter, artesian
wells and artificial cheeseS. Then, too.
accommodating professional nurses are |
cheapenlng milk for nursery purposes.
However, the fancher still HoUrisheS |
and intended TO dilate upon the Npaud-
ing effects ot rural pursuits. / have OBJ
served that country fe Oh q California
ranch, where large stock OF live stock
n ntA oIFns | t,l,
the growth Of men. People who wear
denim trousers, Dlouses and hob nailed
shoes sometimes know q good deal They
may say: "Bgosh ~ Law, mel" aud
have lay-seed IN their hair, but they ac-
quire practical understanding eff great
many things.
Pm going to quit business in the coun-
try, as 1 haven't been able to swindle
anybody. | will set up shop in the CITY
and advertise and shout, if l don't sell
banana.
Some people aspire to notoriety, and
will achieve success if they only go about
it systematically, and continue IN their
efforts long enough. Some of the most
notorious characters have died with their
boots on. and some have been hanged.
over in Hangtown we always gave
man a fair chance to get bad enough to
get his name in the papers, and we never
nipped him in the bud, as some folks are
IN favor of doing nowadays.
II a man wanted to pack few guns
and bowie-knives around with him, we
were glad to see him do So We never
prevented any one from distinguishing
himself.
1t is becoming more difficult day by
day for people without any special busi-
ness to get along. Even here in Sacra-
mento man can't pack a gun around on
the outside OF his clothes without attract
ing attention, and ii he takes shot or
two at anybody he is arrested: besides.
society people look down upon him.
Only the other. day an innocent from
the country fired few shots from his
gun on j street, and everybody ran QUITO
see. Then the police took charge of him
before he could hit anybody, and put him
in prison. We will have to organize some
Kind of society for the prevention of
cruelty to people.
There are lot of us who never have
any chance i'll the world, anyhow. If we
don't behave ourselves after an orthodox
manner they call the police. Things will
get so after while that poor people who
never learn anything and won't work,
will have to behave themselves and be
miserable. They viii tell us after while
that If we don't quit cussin' on the street
aud hanging around looking like gar
roters and brigands, we will have to pay
our poli-taxes.
Looking at it on cold, cloudy day, the
world is failure, anyhow. SQUINK.
CoT-c1JS-Provn,s bronchial TrochaS