The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1892-07-06
Scissored Smiles.

A<EhoA ooib oOOiltob lntliuCu, Odlu
the doctor to the patient with
fractured jawbone. Washington
| Star.
SAwYER-The proof of the pud.
| ding Is in the eating. De Step-No,
it isn't. 1t is in the digesting. -Tid.
Bits.
THE nine parts Of speech are wholly
inadequate TO the needs OF the gen.
tleman who shutters. -Binghamton
Leader.
TOMORROW never comes, but the
| bill collector who has date with you
then will get around on time.-Somer.
vile Journal.
WHEN a baby is very homely its
mother may see some resemblance be-
tween it and her husbands folks
Atchison Globe.
"OH, / had bang-up time Of it,"
as the man remarked who went up in
balloon which exploded. -Phila-
| delphia Record.
WHEN married man buttons his
suspenders on eightpenny nails it is
sure evidence that he has been disap-
| pointed in love.
AN Iowa man got drunk and stole
time-piece recently. The clock ia
still running and the man is also do
ing time.-Inter Ocean.
A DRUMMER who eloped with
Kansas City dining-roo m girl was ar
| rested for stealing the table service.
-BinghamtOn Republican.
CoNDUCToR-Your tickets, pleased
Tramp-Me face is me ticket, pard-
! ner. COnductOr--All right; then I'll
have to punch it!-New York Her.
aid.
Mrs. ToTLING-I'm going to make
me bath robe. Mrs. Diniling-Are
| you? Mrs. ToJling-Yes; / have
bought the loveliest piece of watered
silk for the purpose. detroit Free
Press.
A CHICAGO man recently saved his
| life by carrying roll of 800 bills in
side his vest when q bullet came that
way. Yet there are people who neg
lect so simple a precaution.
| Paul Globe.
| w hhl uO gOu VI
asked Twynn, as he and Triplett
watched a mamma spanking child.
"Its the same old story" what same
old story? "A woman at the bottom
Of it"-Judge.
SMYTHE-I dropped a penny in
front Of blind beggar to-day to see
if he'd pick it DIP. Tompkins-Well,
did he? Smythe-No; he said Make
1T sixpence, mister, and I'll forget
myself" lid
| POMPOUs JUDGE hope you have
much practice? Young Lawyer
Yes, / have, thank you. II am glad
to hear it. And in what branch is
your practice mainly?" Mainly i'm
economy. Texas Sftings.
SOME EXCUSE. - Yabsley Il am
panied to see that the moon is get
| ting full again. Mudge-If you had
as much jimcrow poetry fired at you
as the moon has, you would get full
yourself. indianapolis Journal
THE wAITER-Beg PARDON sir, but
-ahem! the gents here usually re-
member my services. The guest
| (scooping up all the change)-Do
they? They ought to be more chart
table and forget!-Chicago News.
Mrs. STINGs-Last night you came
home with a story of sitting up with
sick friend. Now, what excuse
have you this time? Mr.. Stings-
Tonight, my love, we (hic) all gath
cred (hic) round his beer.-Inter
Ocean.
EMPLoYER-"You put that note
| where it will be sure to attract Mr.
Smiths attention when he comes in,
didn't you?" Office Boy-"YeS, sir.
| stuck pin through it and put it
on his Office chair. Harvard Lam
pooh.
LOOKING AHEAD Isaac-"Repec-
Ca, leds ged married ride away
quick" Rebecca-"What for you in
such a hurry, Ikey?" Isaac-"Der
sooner We marries, der sooner comes
dot golden wedding, amt it?"-Kate
Fields Washington.
NERVOUS PASSENGER ION Southern
railroad)-"Conductor, why are wo
| running at such IA frightful rate OF
speed?" Conductor (reassuringly)-
There Is a rotten bridge, ma dam,
about mile ahead and we want o get
over it with as little strain as posi-
BILE. Brooklyn Life.
A FATHER was very much annoyed
by the foolish questions OF his little
son. Johnny, you are great source
Of annoyance TO me-" whats the
matter, PAP" "YOu ask so many
foolish questions. / wasn't big
donkey when l was OF your age"
NO, pa, but you've crowd a heap
since. Texas Siftings.
"OH, Tom, the baby is so sweet.
To-day he took off his shoe and threw
it i'm the fire, and when / told him
ne was bad, bad boy, he only said
Nah. ," "'Nah, eh? Well, what do
you think I'm made of money?
That's the second pair he lost in
week" ooh, no, dear; il was the
noata Of tho ono no t,.ro IN ,D;oooc -