The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1892-03-30
The Caliph Smiled.
HIS BANNER FLOATS OVER DAMASCUS.

The most entertaining scene in the bien-
NAL revolt against Hiram al Raschid, Com
mander of the Faithful, took place last
week at Damascus, known by later geog-
raphers as Rutland. Damascus is the
stronghold of the recalcitrant Faithful who
are fired by an ambition to overthrow the
Caiphat at Bagdad-an ambition that has
been equaled in fervor only by that which
spurred the knights of long ago in their
search for the Holy Grail. The province in
which Damascus is situated is the largest in
population in Arabia and alone sends to
the annual concave Of the Faithful sixteen
delegates. The scenes which attended the
securing of those sixteen delegates, last
Thursday evening" differed from those
which characterized the recent elections in
Japan in only one essential feature-nobody
was killed.
At an early hour 800 men had gathered in
the hall, Four hundred lighted their pipes
and three hundred put in chew. The call
was read, and as the last words died away,
Eifendi j. Pugnacious Cain sprang uD and
nominated Medicine Man j. ID. Hanrahan
for presiding sheik. Effendi T. Would.be
Mooney raised a lusty cry for fair play.
He and the Medicine Man are leaders Of
opposing factions, and he objected to the
latter sitting in judgment on a case involv-
ing the victory OF one or the other. Effendi
Cain unbuttoned his weskit and fell on
Effendi Moloney. He insinuated that
while Moloney was babe, crying for
the moon and mewling in his nurses
arms, his sawbones contemporary was
prominent in the councils of the tribe.
Effendi Moloney then fell upon Effendi
Cain and attacked him for divers out
rageous connections. Effendi Cain once
more arose and faced storm of Kisses. He
cast contemptuous look upon the sibilant
throng, and observed that he had never
been Kissed down yet, and he'd be id
| il he would be now" The Medicine Man
was an eighteen-karat jm-dandy. Effendi
Tom Agitator Brown took a hand in
| the row, and said the Medicine Man was a
tumult in the hall, which had been grad
| ually waxing more tumultuous, drowned
the efforts Of either faction to make itself
heard. A blue veil of tobacco smoke
wrapped everythingin odorous haze, and,
| like the intermittent flashes of desultory
musketry, something like unto the follow
| ing issued forth, to an accompaniment that
resembled the barking of a line of double
basses and the agitation of a mass OF 'cellos
in a grand orchestra:
Gentemen-for Gods sake, gentle
men-,oW you come to ord ''--hiss-s-s-s
-" Gimme light -" Mr.. Chairman,
p" Sa,ay, you're talkin' through your
hat, see?"-hiss-s.s -s-s-s-Ugh! ugh!
UGH" Gentlemen emphasized with in
territorial sarcasm]. the delegates elected
this evening are - Aw! 90 to -" Or
derl Order! Orderl" [Chorus of sepulchral
groans, during which . Pat " Meldon is seen
| TO climb upon the stage ana make an abOr-
tive attempt to address his friends, Romans
and countrymen. !" Gentlemen, 1 in
sist '-Biff Break away there; no
scrappin' "-"S Say, does dat jay of an At
kins t'ink he kin -" Tom Moloney amt
in it, see?' Why don't some one t'row dat
guy of a Cain out?"-Hiss- s-s-s-s-s-
Wow! Wowl Wow!
The end came at last, and the veil of
smoke lifted. The victors marched off with
a cheer, and the vanquished picked mp the
political remains of their dead. The Hanra-
han faction won, and the delegates were
instructed to support him for delegate to the
national convention.
"Your Highness," said the grand vizier,
Frustrating himself before the Commander
of the Faithful, 81 have here report of
the meeting of your subjects at D imascus."
AS Hiram al Raschid scanned the report a
beatitc smile crept over his frontispiece,
and broadened to a forty-pica grin. 'Tis
we'll! " he chuckled, and summoning the
royal stenographer he dictated proclama-
ton setting forth that one Jones, a sub
scriber to the Bdgdad Bladder, was four
years in arrears that said Jones was low
down wretch; that his ancestors had been
afflicted with scrofua; and that if he did
not pay up his subscription, his paper, after
his decease, would be mailed to him in an
asbestos wrapper.