Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-02-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

There is no particular harm in riding
hobby, if you do not take up the whole
road with it.
Bashtui young men ought to practice
sparkling with dumb bells. --Binqham.
ton Republican.
A cut from an incompetent tailor is
one of the saddest things that a social
aspirant has to bear.
The older the man grows, the less he
is disposed to see how near he can skate
to danger sign.-Iho Waterbury.
Husband-"We must economize."
Wife-''Well, dear, what do you want
me to give p."-Nep YorS Press.
1t is quite natural with some men that
the thread of their narrative should be-
come badly warped. x Columbus Post.
"oh, yes, often have to sit on the
jury" said the Supreme Court Judge, as
he administered "A reprimand. Life.
Silence is not golden for the poor
maiden who is dumb when rich suitor
asks for her hand. -Morning Journal.
When a man starts out to reform him
self he has undertaken job that will
keep him busy for life.-Ram's Horn.
"Chef" this month has an article on
stBoiled Batters." ''Roasted Umpires"
are more common. Minneapolis Journal.
''Sweet is the bread of in iustry,"
1t hath been sagely said.
And yet by loafng Oft is made
The sweetest kind of bread.
Chicago Ii'ibune.
Bachelors are creatures who have con-
suited their female relatives before ven
turing on matrimony.-N5IDauSee Iri-
bune.
The trouble with "men of iron" is
that they are apt to get rusty without
knowing it-Bismarck for instance
Puck.
Looking too closely at dollar doesn't
make it any bigger, but it very often
makes the soul a good deal smaller
RAMS Horn.
"He stole a WATCH" said the police
man, referring to the prisoner. "Then
he shall do time," replied the Judge.
The Waterbury.
Little Sister (as she catches sight of
Chappie's chrysanthemum)-"Oh, look
there Mr.. Van has got sisters powder
puff in his button hole. ."-Judge.
Weary of Well Doing: Mother
"Oscar, why cam you be good boy?"
Hayward Four Year-Old Mamma, it
makes me so tired. - Chicago Tribune.
Though legal usage does not will
That lawyers plead a special gear in,
At court It is common for them still
To have lawsuit to appear in.
ISIS this fast train?" asked the travel
ing man of the conductor. ''Of course
it is" was the reply. 'I thought so.
Would you mind my getting ont to see
what it is fast to2 "--Ne,o York Sun.
Ambitious Author ''Naggus, am
obliged to you tor not pulling my last
story all to pieces" Literary Editor-
"Not at all, Borus; l couldn't get hold
of the thread of it, Chicago Tribune.
''Are you pretty well acquainted with
your mother tongue, my boy2" asked the
schoolteacher of the new scholar. 'Yes,
SIR" answered the lad timidly; INA
jaws me good deal. sir. Tile Comic.
"There is one great satisfaction I
have," remarked the tortoise as he drew
in his head and closed his house for the
night, show ever much my social rivals
will hate me because am IN the swim,
they can't stab me in the back. Puck.
Mrs. B.-"How is the contested. will
case coming on, Mr.. Shimmer9 Mr..
Shimmer-''It's all settled and in my
fayorn Mrs. B.-sI congratulate you.
Isuppose you'll soon be taking your family
to Europe?" Mr.. Shimmer-''No; but
my lawyer is going to take his. Brook
Ign Life.
Mrs. Jones-"My dear Mrs. Smith,
how do you manage to keep your SER
vants2 Mine are forever leaving me in
the lurch." Mrs. Smith--"It is all in
the management cf them. always ad.
dress my cook as Miss Wilkins, and ask
her every morning if she has any direc-
tions to give me. "--Lon@oy Fiaaro.