Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-10-14
GRAVEYARD HUM0R.
IRREVERENT INSCRIPTIONS FOUND IN
OLD CEMETERIES.

IRREVERENT INSCRIPTIONS FOUND IN
OLD CEMETERIES.
a cemetery is, perhaps, the last
place in which the generality OF NOR
tails would look for amusement. But
in spite Of this sepulchral solemnity,
the cemetery contains vast deal OF
grave humor in the odd and curious
epitaphs which are to be found in al
most any old churchyard, and which,
while they afford amusement to those
who read them, are not without their
significance in exemplifying the &c
centricities Of human nature.
For example, the well-known epi-
taph on the tailor William Wilson in
forms US that
Here lies the body OF W. w.
Who nevermore will ltroubleyou,t trouble you;
intended, no doubt, rs a bit OF reas-
suring information to those who
happened to be acquainted with Mr..
Wilson in the flesh.
So also the following in an English
churchyard contains no small amount
Of humor, although probably unin-
territorial on the part of the writer,
who evidently endeavored to be as
complimentary az his learning would
allow
An honest mans the noblest work of God;
Here lies an honest woman.
Notwithstanding its ambiguity, the
memorial is certainly not so impolite
as one in Sunbury churchyard
Here lies my beast OF hrst wife.
This sentiment is not indicative OF
the same conjugal happiness which
appears to have the following tender,
though somewhat partial, memorial
ITO the memory of my four wives
who all died within the space OF ten
years, but more partickler TO the last,
Mrs. Sally Horne, who has left Inc
fouI children; she was good, sober
and clean soul, and may | soon go to
her. a. ID. 1882.
"WM. JOY HORNE, Carpenter.
Carpenters of the eighteenth cen
tury were more prone to the senu-
mental thanare the practical artisans
Of to-day and in contrast TO the above
we find the following somewhere in
Pennsylvania
Sacred to the memory OF Sarah j.
and Mary Ann, wives OF John L.
Tompkins, who built the iron fence
about this lot, and would be pleased
to furnish estimates for work OF a
similar character. Satisfaction guar
anteed. My work is my reference.
Letters addressed to No. % First
street will receive prompt attention"
1t sometimes happens that the plu-
rality of helpmates is not confined to
the gentler sex, and as an example
we find this significant epitaph in one
OF the Western States
Ann E., wife Jerome Walter
DIED November 16, '6S, AGED sixty
eight years, five months
she was a true and faithful wife
to each Of the following gentlemen
"ENOCH FRANCIS,
"JoHN SHERMAN,
WILLIAM HAssES,
-. WALTERs"
The cause or manner OF death fur
nishes the subject of large majority
of epitaphs, which, like the foregoing
and those which follow, preach a
silent, solemn warning to the living.
In an old churchyard a small mound
hidden beneath the shadow OF large
tree, stands as Il monument TO the in
furious results of gluttony with the
following remarks
This disease you ne'sr heard tell on
died Of eating too much mellon;
Be careful, then. all you that feed
Suffered because was too greedy.
Another case OF gulosity lies buried
at Wolverhampton church under the
following spitaph:
Here lies the bones
OfJoseph Jones,
Who ate while he was able;
But once o'erfed
He dropped down dead
And fell beneath the table.
Mr. Jones stumble was not so great
a one as that OF Mr.. Hills, which is
thus recorded on the Isle Of
Thanet-a good lesson to such as are
addicted to perambulating about at
dangerous heights:
Against his will
Here lies George Hill,
Who from a cliff
Fell down quite stiff
When happened Is not known,
Therefore not mentioned on this stone.
1t is. however, consoling to know
that he did not do it Intentionally
otherwise his friends might have put
above his grave the epitaph which
adorns the last resting place Of one
Jacob Smith
He lived and died by suicide.
A case OF unintentional suicide is re
corded at Acton, Cornwall, in the fol-
lowing words:
Here lies entombed one Roger Morton.
Whose sudden death was early brought on
Trying one day his corn 10 NOV of.
The rszor slipped and cut his toe of;
The toe. or rather what IL grew to.
An Inflammation quickly few 10;
The parts they took 10 mortifyiDg.
And poor. dear Roger took 10 dying.
M, --I Il aG.;A-. +ha follo..-