The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1892-11-17
Hunor.

love.
Humor.
Clothes o)servers-tailors.
A dry REMARKABLY isn't it?"
A check for his baggage-her marri-
age certificate.
Well watched-the man with several
time pieces.
A mans reputation is no better for
being guilt edged.
The scarecrow has its uses though it
doesn't aid the caws any.
If ignorance is bliss some people must
be supremely happy.
man frequently corned is most apt
to acquire husky voice.
If you are going to swear off, why not
swear off from swearing off.
doubtful state-wondering whether
she will accept him or not.
Where there's will there's a way
for lawyer to get around it.
A young man may be good on loaf,
vet make a bad bread-winner.
Love is blind, and often when the girl
is rich and ugly, it is only a.blind.
The pen enables a young man to give
his girl an inkling of bis sentiments.
The easiest way for deaf man to get
his hearing is to commit an offense that
will cause his arrest.
"Why was Noah the best ibroker Of
ancient times?'' HE could float mora
stock than any other man"
A man who saw an apparition of his
deceased wife, said he was not scared,
but sort of surprised, because he didn't
ex>spectre.
Fashionable walking sticks are very
heavy this winter The canes are pur-
posely loaded to keep he dear boys from
bio wing away.
An exchange says: "a short horn
brought over Thousand guineas in
England.n Great Scott! What must a
long drink cost there.
''Cake can sleep, can't it?'' asked a boy
Of his fathef. mo, my son, have you
lost all your sense?'' Eyes, it can sleep,
too; haven't you heard OF ginger's nap?''
Somebody asked the four-year-old son
of one of our citizens what he would do
if his father died. why" said the
youngster, "rd wear my new boots to
the funeral
my ma got religion last night" said
one little girl, boastfully, to another.
Then maybe she'll pay my pa for the
groceries she got," was the reply.
Dingley-"That's beautiful overcoat
you have on. How much did it cost
your" Caraway-"Twenty-fi five cents.''
why, how was that?' "Oh, the con-
founded tailor sent it home by express
and had to pay the freight"
A clergyman relates that on one oc>
casion, after marrying couple, an en-
velope was haded to him which he sup-
n posed, of course, contained a marriage
paper on which was written: 1--WE desire
your prayers"
''I'm sorry, George, that papa refused
you, but you must ask him again, l know
he has SOUL" "Do you think SO, dar-
Iiug?" "Oh, know it, "Welf, then,
YOU must have seen him bid me good
evening last night. Yes, indeed, love,
your father has sole and a thick one,
too.''
A man in a train was heard to groan
70 frightfully that the passengers took
pity on him, and one of them & ave him
!, drink out of whskey flask. ''Do you
feel better?'' asked the giver. II do
s,id he who had groaned. "W hat allied
yon?'' called me?'' Eyes, what made
YOU groan so?" s'Groan! Great land of
freedom! was singing"
Two friends are walking along the
street. One of them, pointing to a house
says: 'sTheres beautiful place, but it's
.secugh to make a man sad to look al it. ;"
Why so?' "On account of its history;
for, despite it's calm and serene surround
i.gs, it was built upon the groans, tears.
.ylilings and blood of widows, orphans,
did men and struggling women" You
don't say SO. Was it built by a railroad
.nonopolist2'' ''Oh, no; by dentist"
Yes said Mrs. Gadabout, 81 must
sly that just hate that odious Mrs.
honeywell She's forever putting her
eur in. There was a splendid story about
that Pembury man. 1t was all around
town that he quarreled with his wife
.lwfully, and that he had finally beaten
her with a trunk strap, and she sued for
.iivorce, when that odious Mrs. Honey
well went to work, like the busybody
that she is, and found out that Pembury
wasn't married and never had been, that
ne never had trunk strap in the house,
and if he did have he wouldn't have had
the courage to strike kitten with it
much less a woman. No wonder every
lody dislikes Mrs. Honeywell, the hate
full thingi
Good Looks.
Good looks are more than skin deep
depending upon a healthy condition OF