Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1892-12-17
PITIl AND POINT.

Dallas News.
When the small boy starts early for the
pantry it isn't too avoid the jam. Chi
cago Inter Ocean.
1t may be that some people enjoy
chess because it is necessarily square"
game Washington Star.
It's queer that man always goes into
a scheme when he thinks he can make
money out of it.-Elmira Gaz ,tte.
"Wanted, young woman who can
cook and dress the children. Poor,
little dears Gazette de Lausanne.
Speaking of powder, what difference
there is between that which goes off aud
that which comes oif.-Elmlra Gazette
Jagson says it excites a girl so to 60
into candy store that she cant help
getting a little mixed. --Elmira Gazette.
She (hintingly)-"The fire is going
out" He-"Wcll, hope it will bring
some coal back with it."-PAiladelpAia
Times.
The small boy represents one brand of
teaz that is not relished at the five
o'clock gatherings. Chicago utter
Ocean.
Miss Flirs-'Who is going to give the
bride away2" Miss Pert-'l could, but
l wouldn't be SO mean. "--Pniladelphia
Record.
Teacher-"What are the two capitals
of Rhode Island7" Smart Sc lolar
(promptlD-"R. and T.",-K4te Fielu's
Washington.
Mr.. Staylate--''Is your sister expect
ing me to-night1' Tommy-''T guess
so. She's been sleeping ali day. -
Brooklyn Life
Latherum -'Barbers scrape an &C.
quaintance very quickly ine Victim
Eyes, but they can cut mau in even
less time Brooklyn Lite.
Customer (who had lost his teeth, to
landlord who had served him with very
tough steak)-o'LlndIorI, You are
hatterer. "--Humoristische Baetter.
Clothes are by some socioogists re.
garded as the index Of civilization ald
culture. In other words, we owe a good
deal to the tailor. Philadelphia Times
Even lightning calculator may fail
to accurately estimate the speed OF an
electric car when ne wants to cross the
street ahead of t.-Binghamton Repub.
lican.
81 hear Biugley is trying to make an
~. 1f hi !, ha
yeti" Speakquick-"On, yes, he draws
on his father regularly. Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
Teacher TO the class in chemistry
"What does sea water contain besides
the sodium chloride that we have men.
tioned!' Bobby Smith-'Fish, sir. -
Tit Bits.
Shell saw somebody this morning
for whom you have great admiration. "
He-"You did, eh' guess you must
have looked i'll the mirror. Texas
Siftings.
Wife-"Don't you think this bonnet
makes my face look rather short2' Hus-
baud-''No; but it makes my POCKET.
book look ike a perfect dwarf. Chi.
cage Inter Ocean.
Wife Ito her husband)-'T say, my
dear, how badly the tailor has put this
button on your waistcoat This is the
fifth time have had to sew it on again.
---Bauern K alender.
Browne-"Hullo, WHITE, where have
you have been?" Whyte-"Bee hunt.
ing" Browne-tBeen huuting} WHAT
did you get!' Whyte-"Got back. -
Somerville journal.
Rev. Mr.. Arlington -''You SHOULD al
ways be particular about details, Miss
Tucker, it is little things that tell"
Nellie-'I know that. l have three
small sisters. lid Bits.
eyes, assented Mrs. Smith, 'she has
pretty face, but think that it hasa IA.
Their hard expression, don't your
"That's because her complexion is en-.
ameled. Buffalo Express.
Swiggs-"Noddle has done some
writing that will carry his name far aad
wide Diggs-''Has he written book, ;"
Swiggs he wrote his name onhis
umbrella. Chicago Inter- Ocean.
81 have just one ambition in life, :"
said weary looking citizen. "What is
thatl" "To get the inside OF ms fur
mace as warm as the ice chest seemed
last summer. Washington Post
Mr.. Aikin-'You see things in a diff
ferent light since you married, do you
mott" Mr. Nuwed--''I ought to- There
were fifteen lamps among our wedding
presents. Cincinnati Commercial.
Iney say that love is blind they do.
he iisure is not carried
bit too far when once we think
OF people whom we otter meet
Whom other folks have married.
Mercury
Shtone-"Do you notice how Chugley
has fallen into the habit of talking to
himself on the street, Chatter
"That's the only chance he has to get in
word since he has married. "--Chicago
Inter Ocean.
"i'm going to have that last painting
Of mine framed, said young Ddub, the
artist. Don't you think it would be
good idea to have a glass put over it,"
eyes" replied StriDger, "a snoked
one. ''-Pittsburg Dispatch.