The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-06-10
PULPIT CONTORTIONIST.
Rev. Slang z. Jones sat His BeSt''
Again In Nashville.
He Talks to ..You Internal Old Hyp-
Ocrites'' Abuse of One Class
TickIes the Other.

NASHVILLE, June S.-The "Rev-
erend" Jones, the Georgia mud
singer and pulpit gymnast,
preached" at the Tabernacle yes
terday morning to about 2 500 people,
and Kept them in a tumult of laugh
ter and applause. From the point
of view of the rabble, Sam was at
his best. He said:
"a great many OF you fellows are
going to heaven, but the DEVILS going
to get some of you. Some of you are
better before you get religion than
you are afterwards.
Il We seen lots of folks who do
good, and some who do better, but
somehow or other Pm hungry to see
n fellow who's doing his level best.
The man who's not religious every
where isn't religious anywhere.
81 can afford to go to the poor
house and | can afford to be pauper,
but can't afford to lose my religion.
IT can be Just as religious for a wO-
man to make her daughter dress,
as it is for her to pray for that daugh-
ter. / don't care how much you
dress, whether you wear silks or sat
ms. l don't care how you old sis
ters flOunce about in your tinery, but
/ do wish every dress you wear was
made at home.
''If girl, dressed in the half COW
ering she wears to a german, were to
try to talk to me about religion I'd
say: Hold on there sis. Put on my
coat
.Some of you fellows are mighty
piOus on Sunday, when you've got on
your Sunday clothes. You're piOus
all day and Sunday night. But Mon
day morning you pull off your sun
day clothes and you hang up all your
religion in the wardrobe. Yes you
do, you know you do, don't you?
=. ayes, and if you die, old coon, any
other day but Sunday, the devil, I'll
get;yOu sure.
II can always tell whether folks
have got real religion, and whether
they've got it in a mild type. Most of
you generally get in the mild type.
love to see a fellow who knows where
he stands. Does me good all over. /
believe in taking a stand and stand
ing where folks can see you and hear
you.
Il don't know how many saloons
you've got in this town. Some say
800, some 400, some 300, but you bet if
| lived here I'd know. Saloons here
stand so close together on some
streets you can't buy anything to eat
close to 'em.
"They stand up close like some of
you young fellows when you take
your gals out in one of these hug-me-
tight buggies, and you sit so close
you couldn't tell but what you'd
grown together.
"These fathers who let their daugh
tiers go riding in a hug-me-tight
buggy don't think as much Of their
gals as 1 do of mine.
"You Internal old hypocrite, you're
a pretty thing to be in the church OF
God when you're renting out your
for a saloon, amt you?
~ believe in women being any
thing but the father of family OF
children. [ draw the line there.
"What shameful sight it is to see
you old women drinking beer. Why,
you drink stuff the veriest old topper |
would throw away. You want it for
campfire, do you? Yes, and it's cam
phire here but it'll be hell-fire after |
while.
1.-The hope of this country is in it's
sober women. 1 have the most unut- |
5erable contempt for these sneaking !
little whipper snapper doctors who |
prescribe whisky for every ailment
under the sun, whether it's corn on
your toe or q wart on your nose.
"Some of you fellows say Sam
Jones is too rough. La me! can
preach as smooth a sermon as you
aver heard. But I'd be shooting too
lIgh over everybody's head and no
1Ody would be up there. But when
shoot at you and hit you, l always
git you, don't /? Some of you come
l cussin', some of you come groan-
NJ and some of you come a shootIn',
put you all come when / shoot. You
ought to be glad l hit you so hard:
"a devout man WHO'S got religion,
;arri, 1t everywhere he goes. Here's
,ne man who amt going to drink
liquor or play cards, even il there
lint hell, a heaven or God.
Gods good to mau when he
gives him wife and six children,
Jut he sOrter throws off on him when
he gives him a wife and a canary
bird, don't he?
"If anybody were TO ask me where
he dearest spot on earth TO me is, I'D
20 240 miles from here. git off at the
iepot in Carterville and walk four
blocks up Main street and I'd turn
nto my home. Then I'd gather my
amily about me aud I'd say to men
nd angels, here's the dearest spot to
me-
"Some OF you fellows are hypocrites
bout self-denial. l love to see self
lenial. You remind me of the fellow
Who was stingy with his tobacco
He had two pockets, and the one he
carried his tobacco in he named
The pocket he didn't
larry it in he called the "wOrid."
Whenever anybody asked him for
.hew, he'd run his hand down in the
,mpty pocket and say, i haven't got
bit in the world
"How d'you expect to go to heaven
With o ball dress on or demijohn in
our hRnd?"
NJ 1