Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-08-13


Written for The Evening" star by onve Thcrne Miller
A PERSON SEARCHING THROUGH THE
"A world for perfect mother might naturally
enough think he had found her in the unssifsh.
Yet assert-aud many examples could be
brought to prove it-that the self-abnegation
Of q mother fosters in her child some Of the
most glaring faults, disrespect, tyranny, SELFISH
ness. A devoted, self-sacriHcing woman is far
from uncommon, though so persistently does
she keep herself in the background that the
world is apt to pass her by without notice.
Her husband and children are obvious enough,
and Mother, where's this?" and Mother,
Won't you do that?'' are painfully common upon
their lips. The Thoughtful listener cannot but
wonder what manner Of smother" this may be,
who ID supposed to know the position Of every
ones belongings and to lend hand in every
ones duties.
THE PooR MOTHER.
When discovered she generally proves to be
a worn, tired-looking person, dressed very
plainly-pooSly. il the family income is
slender-with hair drawn straight back, and
no ruffies ribbons about her. She moves
around silently, answering questions, tying
cravats, hunting upschool books. lending a hand
here and a brain there, till every member OF
her family is in order and equipped for the
day, and when she has closed the door behind
the last one she proceeds to devote her day to
working for them and preparing for their re-
turn; not one thought for herself, not one
moment for rest or recreation, not one plan
for personal pleasures or improvement does she
indulge in.
am aware that this sort Of q character Is
lauded in many good books perfection, the
ideal toward which all mothers should struggle;
but venture to differ with the good books on
this point, because l have seen how 1t works.
HER MISTAKE.
The motives Of the unselfish mother are
above reproach. She aims to give her family
her whole self-body and soul-and she does,
but not her best self. The service she renders
is to their lower nature. to their physical wants
for the needs Of the spirit, for the cultivation
of mind aud heart, she utterly incapacitates
herself.
When q woman with no more than twenty
four hours to her day is the keeper of every
one POSSESSIONS. the rectifer OF every ones
faults Of idleness or carelessness, the willing
servant Of the whole household, how can she
manage to keep her body. well and refreshed,
her mind enlightened and abreast Of the time,
in order to perform these higher uses? As the
training Of mind and heart is more important
than the physical comfort Of q child, SO is it
more imperatively mothers duty to prepare
herself and keep herself fit for that work.
HER DUTY.
Not that physical comfort should be ne
elected, but it should always occupy a sub
ordinate place. For instance, mother should
provide suitable garments and conveniences for
keeping them, but she should not put them on to
a child big enough to serve ITSELF nor hunt them
up when carelessly mislaid. If necessity COM
pels her to make her children clothes she should
not spend hours and DAYS over rufles and fur
bellows, because Mrs. A., with twice her in
come, dresses her daughter in rufles and fur
bellows. II obliged to do her own cooking she
should not waist her energies concocting pud-
dings and pies because her family like them
and are used to having them. Something far
more important than fine dress or elaborate
cooking demands a mothers freshest powers: it
is wisest for her to economic her labors for
their physical welfare, that she may have more
to spend on the molding of character.
THE EFFECT on THE CHILDREN.
In other ways also the unselishness Of a
mother affects her family. For one thing, it
makes them helpless. Children who have
always been waited upon are really to be pitied
when forced to live without their lifelong
servant They do not know how to help them
selves; the daughters cannot keep a room in
order; the sons can never find their .'things."
Then. again, although they may love her after
fashion, as one loves a useful being of lower
order of intelligence, children cannot respect
their mother-as they should-as their superior
in mental and spiritual development. In these
days especially, when our young folk have adj
vantages SO much better than fell to the lot Of
their parents. it is a struggle, but it should be
the earnest effort of every mother at least to
keep up with her children in intellectual
growth, that she may the more easily guide
their moral and spiritual life.
Furthermore, unselishness cultivates tyrants
There is no despot like the child who has always
been waited upon, and none who will be more
disagreeable to live with all his years. His ex-
actions from his friends, his assumptions of
superiority, his domineering over bis house
hold. will turn him into domestic autocrat Of
the most unbearable sort.
THE MAKING OF A SELFISH CHILD.
Selfishness, utter selfshness, is, however, the
most fourishing crop from the mothers unsel-
fshness. That any ones wants can be SO i'm
portant as his own never enters the head of a
child SO trained. That any ones comfort is to
be considered, that any one has rights that he
must respect, are all unsupported facts in his
theory of life. That everything should 20 on
smoOthly-his clothes be always in order and
in place, the dinners always perfect. the service
always up to marks no more. in his estima-
ton, than that the sun shall shine or the leaves
come out in the spring. 1t has always been so
in his xperience-ergo-it must still be SO: if
not the woman at the helm is in fault So
the devoted, self-abnegating mother becomes
a bugaboo in her sons household and "My
mother did SO" the shibboleth before which it
quakes.
RESPECT DUE TO THE MOTHER
A wise thought for herself, careful preser-
walton Of her best powers Of mind and body, is
a mothers duty for the sake of the souls she
has to train. No less imperative is it, for their
sakes, also. that she understands her position
and maintains the dignity of it. To give up
her needed rest that her young and vigorous
daughter may have some pleasure she has set
her heart on, though a strong temptation to
mother, is in every way unwise: to take any
chair because her son is occupying the easiest
is unjust to him, depriving him of his training
In courtesy to superior age, to woman. and
above all to his mother. To wear prints that
her daughter may shine in satins is, if possible,
worse, cultivating the girls selfishness and dis
regard OF her mother.
Respect for the office of motherhood is irdis-
pensable to a right-minded man or woman and
where shall it be acquired if not in the study Of
their own mother in their childhood?
Ironing Al Fresco.
"one Of the problems incidental to going
away in the summer is washing" said WASH
ington matron. $50 far as handkerchiefs are