, 1892-02-10
HOW TO KEEP HIM..
OLIVE THoRNE MILLER WRITES OF
THAT HUSBAND OF YOURS.


tion.
Having won your husband, during the
FIRST few months of married life you nat
uraIly wish to keep him, to have him
yours not only in law but in spirit, to be
so united that the years and the trials
before you, as before every child of
Adam, shall only bind you more closely.
And also, what is of even greater i'm
portance. that your life together shall
not be narrowing; that you shall make
and not mar each others mental and
moral growth.
The first and the most important duty
of the wife-the indispensable factor
in their united we'll being-is to pre-
serve her own individuality. A man
may enjoy having a human echo, but he
will never respect her, and mutual re-
spect is the keystone in the arch Of n
perfect marriage. His enslavement of
the one who should stand by his side to
help and to share in his moral growth,
reacts upon himself; he cannot rise far
while his wife is under his feet. In
spite of himself he is narrowed; his sell
fishness and love of rule are cultivated;
he degenerates day by day. If the wife
had no duty whatever to herself or her
children; if she were created for the
sole purpose of ministering to her hus-
band las, indeed, some men think she
was), it would still be her sacred duty
to place herself by his side, to preserve
her individuality, to retain her self re-
spect and to insure being respected by
him. What she does is not half so i'm
portant as what she is.
Self abnegation her is so far from
being q wife's duty that it is an actual
crime against her husbands and chill
dren's best interests. To utterly efface
herself, to yield to her natural unself-
ishness and live only to serve those
about her is in fact sowing in them the
seeds of some of the most pernicious
and irradicable moral evils. l am aware
that this is not the popular view, but u
close study of the families of truly self
effacing women would surprise most
people.
Such a woman reaps her sure reward
in the scorn and neglect of her husband,
and tho exactions and contempt of her
children. If she does everything for
them, they % come to regard her as
their natural slave and to expect her
service; If she gives up all her own
tastes and wishes for them, they soon
grow to despise her. Such are the ter
rible penalties attached to the self abne-
CATION of q wife and mother, and few
who suffer the result suspect the cause.
The remedy for all this, which is in
your own hands, my sister, is by no
means in cultivating your own selfish
ness, but in realizing your true position,
and taking it, or. in a word, preserving
your own individuality. Take deeply
to heart the golden saying, Familiarity
breeds contempt" and while %partaking
heartily Of tho pleasures and eve the
nonsense of your household, always stop
short Of entire giving; always have your
own room, from which you are at liberty
to exclude everybody; your own pur-
suits, which you do not give up at every
beck and call. This is not a small mat
ter. as it may seem; it is deeply signifi-
cant; it is of vital Importance.
Again, my sister, do not grow dull
and stupid, bound down to a set of mar
row duties; this mistake has wrecked
the lives of thousands. Can you wonder
that o man, even a husband (for l might
say, especially q husband, smarting
under the feeling of being bound) turns
from a dull, faded, tired specimen of
~womanhood, who talks to him only of
servants or children, or of what he
ought to do. to q brighter, perhaps a
younger one, who is lively and chatty,
and entertains him without constituting
herself a Judge of his duty?
It's all wrong Of course, but we'll not
discuss his wrong doing; what | say is
that you are greatly to blame for it. 1t
is your duty to keep yourself interested
in things beyond your our walls, to
know what is going on in h world and
be able to break the dull monotony of
the domestic circle by conversation out
side Of home affairs. 1t is better that
you have yourself some external inter
ests, that you should join a woman's
club, or a charity organization, or q
Browning class, and go out part of every
day to let the breezes of heaven blow
new life into you. Then, when you
come together in the evening you will
be enlivened from contact with others,
able on your side to entertain and amuse,
and to do your share toward brighten
ing the spot you call home in other ways
han by polishing the brasses or making
the furniture shine.
To this end it is your bounden duty to
keep yourself young, and as well dressed
as you can afford, and when you begin
to fade to avoid above all things falling
into careless ways. Throw away the
hideous old wrapper and slippers, abol-
ish the long aprons and steel your heart
against the seductions of u careless knot
of hair. On the contrary, select your
gowns with care, make your aprons
pretty, put up your hair in the most be-
coming manner, and never leave your
room in a dress you would not receive a
caller in. In a word, preserve any ex-
ternal attractions you have and conceal
the ravages of time in the most pleasing
way possible.
Above all, never forget that youth and
age are from within. Keep young in
heart, never subside into armchair and
slippers, never get too old to enjoy good
music and art. A woman young in
heart is as bright and enjoys life with as
much Zest at seventy as many do at
thirty. You have it in your power to
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