davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
He Took a Tumble.

The attorney prosecuting in breach
of promise suit was youthful and fresh
and delighted in showing himself of
but he did not know what guy he wa
until it fell on him with dull and sick
ening thud. The defendant had taken
the stand.
You say" said the attorney, afteI
several impertinent questions shat you
never asked the plaintiff 10 be your
wife,"
"Never." responded the witness, with
emphasis.
But You made love to her"
Not TO my knowledge"
"Never called her pet names either,
SUPPOSE"
No, sir"
Now, as e matter of fact, didn't you
call her Lizzie after you had been to see
her three OF four times and always afteT
that, when you knew you should have
called her Miss Smith, if you had not
been seeking to win her young and trust
ing heart?"
No, sir, did not"
The plaintiff pulled the attorneys
sleeve, but he paid no attention TO her.
"Ah, indeed" very sarcastically. 81
presume you never called her Lizzie in
your life"
Il never did, sir"
Again the plaintiff caught at the attor-
ney, but he iguored her.
'.Now, once more, sir. ask you di-
rectly to state to the court whether you
did or did not call this young lady by
the endearing name of Lizzie. Remem-
Der, sir, you are on your OATH" and the
attorney reared back in his chair, while
the plaintiff made another Intellectual
clutch at him.
The defendant smiled slightly.
81 never did" he said, firmly.
The attorney sat forward with sharp
crack of the chair-legs on the floor.
"Idlike to know why you never did,
sir?" he asked, with the air of a man
who knew he had the facts.
Because" and the witness was as cool
as a palm leaf fan could make him in
June, because that wasn't her name"
Then it was the attorney needed the
plaintiffs Wild clutchings and wanted to
hit himself in the neck with law book,
but it was everlastingly too late.-De-
fr0if Free Pres.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Mrs. DulIard.

I don't see how you manage TO get
along without girl.
Mrs. Sharp-I have a great many
relatives who like TO visit me, and ]
make them help.
Mrs. Dullard-Y-e-s but they'll soon
get tired Of that and stop coming.
Mrs. Sharpe-Then I'll get a girl.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Eminent Facrs

The question is Often asked and scarcely
ever answered, why whiskey made now is
not as pure and reliable as it was forty years
ago. It. is never the less a fact that it is
made purer and better to-day than at that
time. With the improved methods fusil
oil and other impurities are entirely elimina-
ted. A sworn statement as to the purity,
age and quality Of the whiskey sold is fur
nished by one dealer who advertises full
quarts, six year old pure Penn'a Rye, at
Sl-O0 per quart, or six quarts for $500 Sill
yer Age sI.50 per quart Duquesne Sl.25
per quart. Port, Sherry, Sweet California
Wines at SOC A complete catalogue and
price list of all foreign and domestic liquors
mailed on application by
MAX KLEIN,
So Federal ST., Allegheny, Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
An Alloy Statesman.

The reporter was trying to get an opin-
ion from very diplomatic congressman
who was on the fence as TO currency.
Are you in f4ver Of silver currency ?''
inquired the quill
Il did not say was, did ," was the
evasive answer.
"Are you in favor of gold then ,"
Did say so ?" and the congressman
winked.
Well, what the dickens are you?'
asked the reporter bluntly.
Suppose, ," responded the statesman,
carefully, ''that you set me down for the
present as an Dsfr0f Free Pnoss.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

To clan brass fixtures, rub them with
slices Of lemon. and then wash them in
hot water.
A weak solution Of cooking soda will
clean 3 hair-brush without weakening
the bristlez
In wiping up stained floor, q pretty
gloss is given by adding little Kerosene
oil in the water.
To get.rid of sOft corns, apply cotton
well soaked in castor oil. Bind II on
with piece of sOft linen.
By rubbing with flannel cloth din
ped in whiting. the brown discolorations
may be taken of cups which have been
used in baking.
NaPhtha is the best material for loos.
eaing and removing paint. Apply it oy-
the coating to be removed and let il
soak for s0me time, then scrape of.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Rucklen,s ArnIca saIve.

The best Salve inths world for CT Is,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever
Sores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chill
blains, Corns, and all Skin Eruptions,
and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
quired. 1t is guaranteed 20 give perfect
satisfaction, or money refunded. Price
25 cents per box. For sale by ]. \. SDy-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Knlghts Of the Golden EagIe

The following are the officers of Star Of
Shade Castle No. 2lO. Of Reiiz, Pa, for the
ensuing six months
Past Chief-John II. Reiiz.
Noble Chief-Thos W. Hamer.
Vice Chief Norman Long.
High Priest-John B. Umberger.
Venerable Hermit-Howard Manages.
Master OF Records-B. f. Lambert.
Clerk OF Exehequer-H. +. Will.
Keeper Of Kxchequer-Samuel Thomas.
Sir Herald-B. A. Small.
Worthy Bard-Joseph Geisel.
Worthy Chamberlain George SluI.
Elsign-Caarles GIhAgsa.
Esquire George Bailey.
First Guards man-Frank Beard.
Second Guardsman-GeOrge Gahagen.
Truslee-Reter Speieher.
Representative 10 Grand Castle-L. ID.
Sine.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Did /

Understand yOu to offer me your hand
in matrimony?H
''Well, Miss Esmerald, didn't exactly
commit myself but what I wanted to
know was if your hand were free and if
I were to propose would you be inclined
to give me favorable answer
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
He,

May have the pleasure OF seeing you
home, miss
She-Yes; next week come through
the alley and peep through the cracks
in the high board fence. Pll be out in
the yard hanging out the wash.
The dude wilted.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Did,

Did you destroy this feather duster p
asked Freddie's mother.
"Yes'm," answered Freddie Il wanted
TO be an Indian chief"
But don't you know that they cost
money! queried his mother.
Il did, think Of such things
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Must Be condemned bx An.

New York Herald
As the policy of the course adopted by
Mr. Frick in the controversy with the en-
pioyes of the Carnegie company, public SEN
ument has differed Bat there is and n
be no difference Of oEinion as to the fiendish
attack made upon him yesterday. This will
be condemned by every labor organization
IN the country as emphatically as BY every
other law abiding class in the community.
No body OF American wage earners could
afford, If they desired, and none would de.
sire. if they could afford, to lend any eoun.
tensnce to such yillainy. Todo so would be
suicidal as well as villainous. This is the
sentiment Of every true friend Of the cause
Of labor, as it is the sentiment Of the entire
nation
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Praised the Wrong Girl.

Cholly-And you made no pwogwess
with Miss Flyte al all.
Chappie-No; she tweated me vewy
cOOlly.
Cholly-GOod gracious. Didn't you
talk to her, pwaise her looks and 50
forth ?
Chappie--I didn't have eouwage to
pwaise her looks, donteherknow. have
not been long enough acquainted with
her. But ] told her that I thought her
sister was vewy pwetty. Then she said
good night, and walked off and left me.
-lNg7c YOrt Pres,
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Shear Nonsense.

Half calf-Heifers.
Curtailed-Mongrels.
Old croakers-Frogs.
Always crusty-Toast.
All for lswn-Croquet.
A folding bed-The cot.
Floored again-Matting.
All up in arms-Babies.
An airy subject-0zone.
A vacant lot-Chappies.
Alliance men-Benedicts-
Go for the males-Flirts.
The yellow fever-Jaundiee.
Put up and down-Sardines.
Withstands tack-Carpet.
Doubling up-Muliiplication-
Long drawn out-AccordiOns-
Blown up sky high-ROekets-
Only play out doors-Fountains.
A burning incident-Cremation.
Light-waisted things-Fire-f flies.
Something bee-queathed-Honey.
Without interest deposits.
Have to be shouldered-Epaulets.
Presented at court"-Criminals.
The fruit Of repentance-"Peach."
A poor outlook-From tenements.
Necessarily hand work-Palmissry.
Must have a go between-ScissOTs.
Always drawn, never painted-Tea.
A rather narrow escape-The chin
ney.
VIII not explore Parliament-Stan.
ley.
Not caused by wate--Leek in the gar
den.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

am an old man and have been a con-
slant sufferer with caisrrh for the past
ten years l am entirely cured By the
use OF Eiyls Cream Balm. 1t is strange
that so simple remedy will cure such 4
stubborn disease.-Henry Billings, L. s.
Pension Atty, Washington, d. C.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

suffered for more than ten years with
that dreadful disease, catarrh, and used
every available medicine which was rec
commended to me- cannot thank you
enough for the relief which Ely's Cream
Balm has afforded me.-Emanuel Mey-
ers, Winfield, L. l., n. Y.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Pleasant Information.

Do you like me?' asked the young
msn. addressing the little brother Of the
young lady on whom he was making a
call.
I don't ike you as well as I ike Jack
Joliboy"
Why not ?"
Because he always gives me ten cents
TO 20 out Of the room when he comes TO
see sister,
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

Somehow or other the Hudson does
not seem to me to be what it used
10 be- said Chatterton.
" II has been running down steadily" !"
returned BattertOn.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Atlas.

Did hear some one say that he
wanted the earth?
Jupiter-It is quite possible you did.
Atlas-Shade of Demagorgon. Who
vast il 3? I'm willing 70 part with it.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Passenger,

On whom water is dripping through
roof Of horse-car during shower, angrily
to cOnductOr-Say, is this always the
case?
Conductor-No, sir; only when it
rains.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Chamber aims Eye and Skin
Ointment.

A certain cure for Chronic Sore Eyes
letter, Salt Rheum, Scald Head, Old
Chronic Sores, Fever Sores, Eczema, Itch
Prairie Scratches, Sore Nipples and
Piles. 1t is cooling and soothing. Hun
dreds of cases have been cured by it af
ter all other treatment had failed. It is
put up in p and so cent boxes.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

Bunting Is young Dobber much Of a
painter?
Larkin-I should say he is. He paint
ed the picture Of a swamp 50 naturally
that ii actually bred mosquitoes.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

10 destroy the odOr Of paint in a new
" painted room, put handful Of fresh
hay in bucket of water, and let stand
IN the room over night-Houseteepers
Weekly.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

Miss Iougstrait made little call to-
day.
THAT would seem impossible"
@How?'
" Why, her stays must be very long"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

Ruskins-@I ! read this morning of a
man who didn't want the earth, and vet
got IT,"
-Hamfatter-@ Who was hep
Roskins-"A parachute performer
his parachute refused TO OPEN
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
Traveller,

Say, old fellow, you're just the man
I'm looking for Help me select a neck
tie, viii you?
Dashaway-Fm a little pressed for
time, old man, but | suppose | can let
you have two dollars.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
prouth InTexas.

BATEsyILLE, July 2i.-The people O.
Seavslla County, through a petition pre-.
pared by the County Judge, have called
upon the Governor and the people of ths
State for assistance as result of the drouth
still prevailing in that portion of Southwest
Texas. The county is without grass OF
water. crops are total failure, and the live
stock industry has sustained heavy loss,
and it is stated that uIiiess assistance is
given the poor people starvation will result.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

As general liniment for sprains and
bruises or for rheumatism, lame back.
deep seated or muscular pains, Chamber
lain's Pain Balm is unrivaled.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
A Chance to Visit Cresson. A stop
over Allowed on the Pennsyi-
Vania Railroad.

vania Railroad.
All tickets TO points west Of Cresson as
well as all coming east of that point are
good to stop of. This stop makes delight.
ful break in the journey, as few points on
the system embrace the attractive features Of
ibis crowning point Of the Alleghenies-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
AMERICAN HOTEL.
Owned and Operated by
5. P. swelTzER. cumberIand. 9Id:
Livery Establishment,

where rIgs Of an descriptions can be had AZ mod
crate rates. The bar q this Hotel IS stocked With
the finest gr1des of Whiskies, Mlues and Beers.
Also on hand d large stock Of
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03

Not caused by wate.-Leek in the gar
dan
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-08-03
JAMES B. HOLDERBAUM, Somerset

Krissinger Kurtz Berlin, Pa and P. J. Cover Son. Meg
RE,E,lBER-Thing done well and With care exempt he from
The morning call., 1892-03-13
A LONG SLEEP.
Recovery of a Miner Who Had Been I'm
conscious for Months.
A Berlin Special.

heCoFeTE OF a w no had Been I'm
conscious for Months.
Berlin Special
A miner named Latus, living at Myclo-
vitZ, in Prussian Silesia, has just awakened
from sleep that lasted for four months
and half. During this period his limbs
were rigid, but now be appears to have COM
pletely recovered, and his cataIeptic riyidity
has vanished.
This case has attracted to Myclovitz in the
last three months medical specialists from
all parts of Germany, and il has been the
subject OF numerous articles in Continental
medical publications.
Latus is 26 years old and native of Brze-
Zinka. lie became unconscious and rigid Oh
September Is, 1891, and all efforts Of
his family to arouse him or feed him
were unsuccessful. After few DAYS
he was taken to the Miners Hospital
in Myciovitz, where the physicians
him slightly to make sure that he was not
shammlng. He neither shrank nor moved
his eyelids. His breathing was so weak
that only by placing their ears to his naked
breast could the physicians perceive it. De-
casionaliy slight color mounted to his
cheeks, and once or twice week, when
somebody shouted in his ear, his eyelids
quivered little.
His hands were so tightly closed that his
nails grew into his palms. During the last
few weeks his fingers were pried up
every three or four DAYS that the
nails might be clipped. His jaws were
set so firmly that two men were re-
quired to open them when he was fed. For
four months his mouth was forced open
thus twice daily and each time a quart of
milk was poured through the tube into his
stomach. The muscles of Latus' legs re-
NAMED stiff as steel throughout his uncon-
sciousness. His arms, however, about three
weeks ago became flexible and soft.
The hospital physicians have attributed
Latus' peculiar condition to brain disease
of an undiscovered cause and nature. Dur
ing his long sleep his wife was very i'll and
his little Girl died
The morning call., 1892-03-13

the opposite or weak side in any contro-
versy. Charges of corruption or of inten-
tional determination to befriend or injure
prisoner at all hazards are rarely heard of.
They could have little foundation in fact.
A jury may be stupid and very much per-
picked In arriving at unanimous verdict,
but it is not dishonest. Ii has nothing to
fear In giving Its verdict, for the names are
rarely published, and If they were they
would be unknown to the great mass of
people. The brlbing or successful inflnenc-
ing OF Jurors In any manner is practically
unknown. LIZ any one were to talk to
juror about case in which he
is engaged it is quite certain he
would be very severely dealt with for con-
tempt Of court. In civil eases there have
prime juror out at luncheon with opin-
ions that should not be uttered in his pres
ence. The persons who are thus guilty of
gross indecorum, If reported, find out to
their cost what Judge can do 10 repress
these indlscfetions. The oath which Juror
takes in trying person Is quaint, but very
precise: You shall we'll and truly Try and
true deliverance make between our soyer-
eign lady, the Queen. and the prisoner at
the bar whom you shall have in charge, and
true verdict give according to the evidence,
so help you Goa
As rule jurors do not trouble them
selves with note-taking. They listen to the
evidence with as much attention and ana
lyticai acumen as they are capable of exert
Ing. aud that Is sufficient There are al
ways few sharp heads on q Jury, and
silently and submissively tho duller heads
take their conclusions from them ready
made. The jury are swayed alternately by
the addresses OF counsel, and naturally the
ablest and most skillful speaker has a good
chance Of making the deepest impression.
IL is, however. on the evidence that yerdicts
should be given, and in arriving at a Just
decision Oh the tortueus and confusing adj
missions and qualifications of witnesses,
material assistance is given by the Judge.
VINO endeayors to sum up impartially, and
Is sure to demolish any fallacies set up
by counsel. The defect OF the system is
that too often jury sees its way to ver-
dict from what the Judge says, and does
not silt the evidence pro and con for ITSELF
but would matters not be worse If the
evidence were pitchforked at the jury with
out word of comment, however reasonable
and non-partisan? A stupid jury is unab e
TO analyze the evidence Of complicated
The morning call., 1892-03-13
JURIES And THEIR VERDICTS
FhG English System in Civil and Crimi-
nal Cases.
Right Of Challenge Rarely Exercised-Infu-
ence Of the Judge on Verdiots-Re-
Enumeration to Special Jurors.
Written Tor THE MORNING CALL

The lot of Jurors the wide world over Is
one to be pitied in these days of rush and
excitement and intense application to bust
ness. A juror does his duty to his country
and society by appearing in the box and
giving his verdict, but as a rule he would
much rather avoid the responsibility and
the worry and often would be glad to pay
large bounty for substitute. Especially
Is his aversion great to a criminal case,
where the life or the liberty of a fellow
human being is in his keeping. But the
law In this country and Great Britain, to
which this article mainly relates, takes no
account of substitutes. The person sum-
moned must obey. unless lie can give a
valid excuse or is challenged or ordered to
retire, and the penalties may be sufficiently
heavy 10 enforce obedience however re-
luetantly complied with This is as it
should be, for there ought to be no favorit-
ism in justice.
In England there are special and common
Jurors al aSslze and nisi prius sittlngs; there
are also common jurors for quarter sessions
and County Court cases; and CoroneTs
must summon jurors for inquesfs. Grand
JurieS are summoned in England only for
criminal cases; in Ireland they have also a
considerable amount of administrative
work TO perform. Scotland knows nothing
about either grand juries or Coroners and
their juries. The northern part of the
kingdom has, in short. a Jurisprudence of
its own aud happily no other people but the
Scotch are required to understand the prln-
Gil les OF multiple pounding. Sawney has
hard head, specially fitted for the feat. A
Grand Jury. be it ut the Central Criminal
Court in London or at aSsiZes, in the
provinces. is always drawn from the upper
The morning call., 1892-03-13
AMERICAN MILLIONAIRES.
BallallOlS Of Rich Men From All Over The COll-
hY-WOmen With Large Fortunes.
Cores ponaence of The MORNING CALL

From one of the best-posted men in the
financial world / learn that the increase in
the commercial capital OF the country dur
Ing the past ten years Is ten thousand mil
lion dollars. In 1880. il will be remem bered,
the census reports showed total OF some
thing over forty thousand millions as the
amount OF capital invested in business In
the United States. 1t was the President of
one OF the leading commercial agencies who
told me only day or two ago that he be-
lieved that sum had been increased to fifty
thousand millions. 1t Will be interesting
therefore to ascertain just what proportion
OF this amount is in the possession of the
millionaires OF the country.
To give complete list Of these would be
impossible, but an approximate estimate
shows that there are $50 men iE this cOun-
try who have on an average over 800, COO, 600
each. One estimate made recently was that
seventy men In this country owned on an
average S37, 500, 900 each. In this estimate,
however. no attempt was made to get at the
great wealth Of the varied industries of the
country. The vast wealth concentrated in
the hands of the Individual owners OF tho
CLOTH mills Of New England and OF its boot
and shoe industries was not taken into ac-