Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1892-04-28

What can / do for you this time,
brother?" the minister asked.
"Nothin' only topresch the funeral
of my brother Ike next Sunday"
"AbsIrd," exclaimed the preacher.
Il have set up the sermons twice and
think that have done my duty"
Look here, cap'n-call you cap'n
because You air about to 60 inter q
warmly brother Ike has been a lyin'
thar for ten or fifteen years with
nary a funeral sermon till the other
day, while lots OF old fellers that
have never done nothin' fur the
country have had more funerals
than they knowed whit to do with,
so | think it's time fur Ike to have
a chance. Hear me?"
Il hear, but donot hearken. The
fact that your brother has been neg
lected is no fault of mine. There
are hundreds OF men who hive never
had a funeral, but am | to be held
responsible"
In regard to other folks, no; in
regard to Ike, yes"
But | refuse to preach his funeral
again"
"All right, I'll allow you a while
and then I'll GO over aud take tn EN-
logs out OF the church. Wanter be
wallered?"
Il don't want any trouble with
you"
7" Then agree to preach about Ike.
or III give you the wust wallerin' a
white man yer seed"
Coin to preach that funeral?n
The visitor began to take off his
coat. A distressed expression settled
on the preachers face.
Brother do not wish to have
any trouble with you. l am a man
of peace and gentleness."
"But | amt" Wiggs replied. Il
am a shorter from Bar Hollerl l
amt the man that butted the bull
often the bridge, but | am the man
that rid the bay steer through the
saft ooze of the swamp of despair.
II you don't wanter get that coat
dirty, wy off with it."
Brother, at the risk of ~displeasing
the people whom it is my duty to
please, | will make another venture.
| will preach for you again next Sun.
day"
On the following Sunday the ~peo-
pie were still further surprised at the
great virtues of Brother Ike, but be-
ing indulgent made no complaint.
Three days later Wigs rode up To
the preacher s house, and seeing the
minister in the yard dismounted.
Come out here a mint" Wiggs
called.
What canyon possibly want with
me now" the preacher asked as he
climbed over the fence.
Il have come on mighty distressin'
business. You know that you
preached my brothers funeral three
tines"
Eyes, and you cannot possibly
want me to preach it again."
NO; fur from it. have Jest found
out that Ike want nuthin' but my
half brother, and | don't propose to
do SO much for a teller that amt no
more kin to me than that. So,
brother, we'll have to fix it."
But how can We? The funerals
have been preached"
Il know that, an that's why |
have come. / want you to go to
the church next Sunday an take
them sermons back, amt havin'
no half brother pulled. Thar amt
none of the half way business about
me. viii you take them sermons
back next Sunday"
Such a thing would be ridiculous,
my friend. l cannot comply with
your wish"
'"Then I'll have to waller you"
Il have Accommodated you three
times and now | beg you TO go
away"
Il lowed that I'd have to waller
you"
81 tell you that l am a man OF
peace and gentleness."
Lowed that I'd have to waller
you"
well, come on then you trifing
scoundrelI"
The preacher took off his coat and
hung it on the fence. Wigs looked
up and down the road. The preach
er rolled up his sleeves, turning to-
ward his house, lifted his hands and
said:
Lord, thou knowest that when l
killed old Lige Moore and Sam Tillot-
son and Calvin Green and Dock Vance
that | prayed that all such cups
might forever pass from me, but
thou seest that | am compelled to
defend myself"
The preacher turned about. Dust
was rising down the lane. Wigs
had taken to his heels .-Opie P. Read
in Now York World