davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
A Possible Solution.

The department of public charities and
correction Of New York city, with it's -,
600 wards, received S2,IGG,237 in
1891, and requested an appropriation Of
S2,S77, ,247 for 1892. Ifa part the money
that is annually devoted to keepin alive
the helpless and suffering could in some
way be diverted 10 remedying unhealthy
domiciles, relieving overcrowded tene-
ments, dissipating polluted air and foul
gases, supplying the best food at cheap
rates, educating the masses in the simple
principles of hygienic living, and in
many like ways checking the sources of
disease and degeneration, the knotty
problem would find its best solution.
The way We can cure is by preventing.
We permit factors to exist that degenerate
men physically, mentally and morally,
and then bring up clumsy, mechanical,
outside philanthropy TO try and reform
by patehwork.-Dr. Henry D. Chaplin in
Popular Science Monthly.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Pants

A boy in the Wichita schools, Califor-
MIA, has been suspended for reading the
following essay on "Pants" -
Pants are made for men, and not men
for pants. Women are made for men,
and not pants. When a man pants for
woman and a women pants for a man
they are a pair Of pants, such pants don't
last. Pants are like molasses, they are
thinner in hot weather and thicker in
cold. The man in the moon changes
his pants during an eclipse. Don't 90
to the pantry for pants, you may be
mistaken. Men often mistaken in pants.
Such mistakes made breeches of promise.
There has been much discussion as to
whether pants" are singular or plural.
Seems TO me when men wear pants they
are plural, and when they don't wear
any they are singular Men get on
tear in their pants and it is all right but
when the pants get on tear it is all
wrong.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
AToad Swallows a Centipede.

In the court house yard there are quite
a number Of large, sleek looking toads.
One Of these toads was seen by the loung
ers about the place engaged in an earn
est attempt to swallow something that
taxed his energies.
A closer examination revealed the fact
that the toad had seized centipede by
the rear end and was slowly and placidly
slowing him away within his jaws in
spite of the victims frantic efforts to rs.
cape. Nearly one-half ofthe reptile had
disappeared when the centipede, with
the unincumbered balance Of his l0O
feet, succeeded in getting ground hold
and with desperate effort freed himself
from the jaws of the devourer and was
moving rapidly away when the toad, re-
alizing the situation, made a jump and
again caught his victim.
This time the centipede seemed to re-
alize the hopelessness of the situation
and frantically turned to the right and
left, each time nipping his enemy severe
ly upon the lips and head, but all to no
purpose. The toad would coolly brush
away these attacks, first with one foot
and then with the other, all the time
taking the centipede in until at last moth
ing remained but the toad, calmly and
serenely seated upon his launches, con.
sidering the next novel; Paso Herald
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Her Rules of Conduct.

The following "rrles Of conduct" fell
ont Of little wcman's pocketbook the
other day and she allowed me TO copy
them. She is belle in the small city
where she lives, and has a host Of admi-
rers around her:
1 don't let a nan smoke when be walks
or drives with me. he knows no better
than to do II, promptly tel him what
think Of it.
don't give my photograph to men. l
used to occasionally, but l am wiser
now. I should hate by and by to know
that my face might be hanging up IN
Tom, Dick OF Harry's room.
I don I let man take my arm when
he walks with me- If he does I tell him
that I prefer him to give me his arm.
l don't go out with man friend just
because he asks me. I like it better If
he asks another lady to % toO-his sister
for instance.
I don't let any man @see me home
from ehurhc. If he hasn't gumption
enough 10 take me there and sit through
the service with me he may stay away
altogether.
I don't let a man friend give me pres
ents unless it is something oftrifiing
cost. like fruit OF flowers And l always
gauge a man by his taste in this respect
do not encourage any young man
who is not perfectly polite and agreeable
TO my mother. Whoever calls on me
sees q great deal Of her.
l don't allow a caller to stay later than
ten o'clock. If he does not 90 at that
time politely tell him my custom.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Truth.

Truth is beautiful as well as safe and
mighty. In the incident related below
boy twelve years old, with only truth
as weapon, conquered a smart and
shrewed lawyer, who was fighting for a
bad case.
Walter was the important witness in
a lawsuit. One Of the lawyers, after
cross questioning him severely said;
"Your father has been talking 10 you
and telling you how TO testify, hasn't
he?
Yes, sir" said the boy.
''Now,' said the lawyer, 'just tell u;
how your father told you to testify"
"well,7 said the boy, modestly, "fath-
er told me that the lawyers would try
and tangle me in my testimony; but If
would just be careful and tell the truth
1 could tell the same thing every
time"
The lawyer didn't try to tangle up
that boy any moIe.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Made a Compromise.

"Can I see you a moment in private -
queried middle age stranger of Officer
Button at the Third street depot day OF
Two ago.
"You can, sir. What is It ?"
at is the first time was ever placed
in this position, and I feel very much EN-.
barrassed."
Exactly"
'But the truth is I've been robbed and
want to ask you for the loan Of dollar. -
where were you robbed?7
"On the train"
"How much ?"
aust s23. 600 in cash"
"Was that all you had?7
"Every dollar. lfyou could now lend
me a dollar I would try and get fresh
start in the world"
at wouldn't be business" replied But
ton, after a little reflection. @You might
accumulate another fortune and again be
robbed Of il, and it would be encouraging
crime"
ayes, that's SO. hadn't taken that
view Of it before. Suppose you give me a
quarter. I will give you my word not to
attempt TO get 3 fresh start on tnat and
expose any one to temptation, see how
very wrong it would be, and I'm deter
mined never TO accumulate another for
tune"
On his solemn promise to this effect
Bottom compromised with him for ten
cents.-Detroif Free Pross.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
The Preferred Creditor.

A good story is going the rounds about
New York merchant who recently fail
ed for large amount He called all his
creditors together and offered to settle
with them at ten on the dollar, giving
them his notes, payable in thirty days
As most Of the creditors had but little
hopes Of getting anything they eagerly
accepted the proposition. One man,
however, stood out for better terms, and
all efforts to get him to agree were futile.
Finally the bankrupt took him out in
the hall and said:
~Nen you come in an sign nit de nd
ders den make you preferred creditors" /"
AL right" said the kicker, "under
those Circumstance I will sgree to a set
tlement.
Tie papers were signed and all the
creditors left except the one who had
been told he was to be preferred.
Vat are you Waiting for?" said the
man who had failed.
Why, you said was to be preferred.
sm waiting to know what l sm to get"
We'll, ! tell you-you get nothings."
Get nothing! Why, You promised to
make me preferred creditor if I would
sign with the rest"
And so you are. / make you prefer
red. tell you now you gets moth ings.
De udders wait thirty days before they
know il, and den dey get notings.'
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
A Disinherited Astor.

Mr.. Henry AstOr, brother Of the late
William Astor, a farmer of Columbia
county, comes in for codicil which sets
forth that neither he nor his issue shall
have so much as one red cent TO rub
against another. The father ofthese two
men, William B. Astor, gave Henry a
small amount of money, although be had
offended the family by marrying re-
spectacle girl, the daughter Of farmer
employed on the Astor estate at Rhine
clif-on-the- Hudson. This was the only
offense charged against Henry, so far as
the public eyer knew. This offense will
not strike most people as being unpar-
donable, and yet, in the eyes Of the rela-
tives, it seems to be growing in heinOus-
ness as the year go by.
II wasn't so dreadful during the life
time Of his father, for that stern parent
conceded him few paltry dollars; but
coming down to thisgeneratiOn he doesn't
receive SO much as a plaster, and plast-
er for the son Of an Astor is mighty short
pasture, 50 TO speak. Perhaps as the years
glide by and his offense becomes still fur
ther intensified, his branch of the family
will be required to pay in something
each year TO the other branch by way Of
further atonement for marrying whom
he pleased. 1t is gratifying to know that
Henry Astor has been. doing right well
since he contracted this marriage, not
withstanding that his rich relatives
didn't like it-John A. Cockerill in New
York Recorder.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Man.

Prominet in Canadian political life,
but careless Of his dress, was once on his
way TO call upon a wellknown gentleman
in Quebec, and stopped an Irishman in
the street to inquire the way.
~Can you tell me where Mr.. Hunter
lives ?7 said the statesman
Its no use Of your going there" was
the unexpected reply.
~But do you know where he lives p
"Faith, and do bat its no use going
there"
The inquirer began to get angry.
81 didn't ask your advice l simply
want to know where Mr. Hunter lives"
"Oh, well, he lives down that street
yonder but it's no use your going there,
for I've Just been there myself, and he's
already got man."
Mr.. Hunter had advertised for a ser
want the day b efore and the statesman
so the story goes went at once brought,
and a new suit.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
The Wrong Foot


There Is A time to keep silence, but 1t
evideutl, was not the right tine in the
case Of a boy mentioned, who lives in an
Ontario town. He got silver in his loot
and. in spite Of his hrotestations, his
mother decided to place over his wound.
The boy Vi gorously resisted.
q won't have no pOultices,' he de-
clered stoutly.
ayes. you viii, Eddie declared both
mo ther and grandmother, firmly; and
t be majority being two to one, at bed
time the pouitice was ready.
II the poultice was ready the boy was
not. and be proved 50 refractory that q
switch was brought into requisition. 1t
was arranged that the grandmother
should apply the pOultioe, while the
mother was to stand with the upiiited
switch at the bedside. The boy was
told that if he @opened his mouth" be
would receive that which would keep
him ouiel. As the hot.poultice touched
the boys foot be opened his mouth
you" he began.
Keep still :" said his mother, shaking
her stick, the grandmother busily apPli-
ed the poultioe.
Once more the little fellow op ened his
mouth.
81
But the uplifed switch awed him in
to silence.
In minute more the pOultice was
firmly in place and the little boy was
tucked in bed.
aThere, now" said his mother, -the
old silver will be drawn out and Eddie's
foot will be all well"
As the mother and grandmother NOV
ed triumphantly away a shrill, small
voice came from under the bedclothers
You've got it on the wrong fOot'
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Exposition Echoes.


Munich is to send TO the Worlds fair a
microscope which magnifes 10000 times.
Bermuda will send what is claimed as
the biggest sponge in the world to the
Chicago fair.
Pueblo, Colo- is raising money with
which to equip and send to Chicago a
cowboy band"
Ceylon has sent, through Sir Henry
Wood, request for space upon which TO
build tea house.
Siam has decided to make an exhibit
at Chicago which will eclipse the one it
made at the Paris exposition, where it
carried OF the honors in the oriental sec
ton.
Miss Harriet Monroe, the Chicago Ia
dy chosen to write the poem for the
Worlds fair, furnished the ode or the
opening Of the great Auditorium a few
years ago.
Professor Dyche, Of the Kansas uni
versity, one of the finest taxidermists in
America, IS preparing notable exhibit
consisting of about 80 Of the largest
mammals in the United States, including
buffalo, elk, moose, antelope, deer, noun
tain sheep and goats, wild cats, wolves,
bears, etc. The different species of each
are represented and almost all Of the an
imals. have already been secured.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
A Slow Speaking People.

The Chinese appear to 60 upon the as
sumption that there is always time
enough. social call has no limits. A
missionary, who speaks feelinly, says:
"The excellent pastor who had for his
motto, The man who wnnts to see me
is the man ] want to see,' would have
modified his dictum had he lived for
any length of time in China. Not
improbably he would have followed the
example Of another busy clergyman. who
hung conspicuously in his study the
Scriptural motto, The Lord bless thy
gOings out :"
"The mere enunciation Of his business
often seems 10 cost a Chinaman a violent
wrench. He says nothing long enough
to wear out the patience OF ten Europeans
He realizes the truth of the adage, at is
easy to 60 on the mountains to fight
tigers, blt to open your mouth and out
with s thing-this is hard ~ Yo,ah's
C0Mpdli0n.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
An Egg Story.

There resides in one Of B0stOn's subur-
ban hamlets man who is notorious as a
practical joker. There also is in business
in that place grocer who has fully as
great a reputation for his shrewdness-
The joker recently entered the grocery
store and ordered dozen eggs. He paid
forty cents for them and ordered them
sent 10 the house.
That night bis wife met him at the
door, as be returned home and inquired /:
"How much did you pay for those eggs
you ordered ?"
"Forty cents" be replied.
@Well, the next time you order eggs
you'd better pick them out yourself
said his better-half producing to his as
tonished gaze dozen pullets' eggs each
about the size of an English walnut
The joker didn't ge; mad. He simply
remarked, Il viii get square with him.
That evening he went to the grocer
and remarked that those eggs were pref
ty small for forty cents dozen.
'Never mind, eggs are eggs" remarked
the grocer as he ehuckled knowingly.
The next day the joker bought two
hens and a rooster and carried them home
taking good care that the grocer should
see them, and learn that his former Gus
toner intended to get his eggs at home
thereafter. A month later he entered
the grocery store with large basket on
his arm.
"How much are you paying for eggs? p
he asked.
"Thirty-five, cash forty trade" was
the reply.
Let me have forty cents worth of
corn, then. Here's a dozen eggs"
The corn was put into bag and pass
ed over The grocer took the basket OF
eggs and his customer left remarking,
Eggs are eggs, old man."
"When the grocer opened the basket
he found dozen robins eggs. And now
when he has pullets' eggs in stock he
always mixes them judiciously with the
larger variety.--Boson Herald.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
His Great Desire.

The young son Of a prominent actor got
into some mischief the other day which
drew upon him the reprimand, both the
oretical and applied, of his parents
When a visitor called later in the after
noon the boy was still sulking over his
punishment.
"And what are you going TO be when
yougrow up, my little man?' asked the
guest, noticing the child's gloom and
wishing to coax him into good humor.
" l suppose you mean to be a famous act-
or Ike your papa ?'
Nav, don't" said the little fellow
sullenly.
" A manager, thenY'
Nav, nor manager neither"
" Well, what will you be- continued
the visitor smilingly, merchant or a
bGnker?"
NAV" said the boy angrily. "Do
you want to know what III be when
grow up? Well, l mean TO be a or
phan. n."-MslC York Press.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Odds and Ends:

In Paris toads are sold to gardeners to
be used in destroying insects
If mud mus: be thrown, it had better
be with a shovel than with a pen.
Live fish have been sent in safety in
the mails from India TO the British mu
scum.
There is something wrong with 4 mans
religion lift never makes him want to
sing.
England is said 10 have to-day a much
lower rate Of mortality than Massaehu-
seits.
a Brussels syndicate is going to cllti-
vate tobacco extensively in the Congo
Free State.
An inverted rainbow was reported a
few days ago as having been seen near
Jefferson, Ia.
The Turkish government has forbid
den the importation of all patent medi-
cines into that country.
In Germany, while the production Of
pig iron has increased, the consumption
Of that article mas declined.
The authorities in Berlin have deter
mined to cremate all paupers who may
die while being public charge.
When the teacher is vide awake him
self it is not hard for him to keep his con
gregation from going asleep.
King Humbert Of Italy takes great de-
ligh. in amateur cooking, in which use
ful occupation he shows great skill
The mosquito is said to have twenty
two teeth in his bill. They are sodimin-
utive as to be visible only through a mi
croscope.
Hibernia is utmost or "last hab tia
tion,v FOR beyond this to the westward
the Ph0nieians never extended their
voyages
Some large blasts Of rock have been
made 10 provide ma,e,ills FOR the new
harbor of refuge at Brest, as much as
10000 cable yards being thrown out at
one time
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Don'ts for Bachelors

Don't remain as you are any longer
than you can help yourselves.
Don't think bachelor is the best form
Of man.
Don't presume upon your independ-
ence.
Don't be too apalavering" with the
women.
Dou't forger that you are growing old
very rapidly.
Don't think because you think bach
elor is tbs happiest man in the world
that he is really so.
Don't try to hide that bald spot, or the
streaking gray hairs.
Don't try to prevent yourselves loving
little children.
Dou't button yourselves up in your
selves.
Don't be bachelor, that's all.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Things Useful to Know.

Scratches and bruises may be taken
from furniture by using the kernal Of a
walnut or butternut
To make the eyebrows grow better,
rub common salt into them every night be-
fore going to bed.
Clean white sheepskin rugs by scrub
bing with CASTLE soap and water, drying
thoroughly in the sun.
For a disagreeable breath, put few
drops Of tincture Of myrrh in tumbler-
ful Of water and thoroughly rinse the
mouth with it.
A white cashmere or chudda may be
nicely and easily cleaned at home by
using sOapbark, which may be obtained
at any druggists.
In washing black wool goods before
making them over, use five cents soap
bark to pailful Of water. Let it stand
until cold. Iron on the wrong side.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
A Hardy Cary.

Cary are known TO be hard to kill, but
one sent TO Pendleton FROM Portland, Or,
the other day beats the record. It had
travelled all the way from Portland on ice,
and there were bruises on its head, show
ing that an attempt had been made there
to take its life; but when the box was
opened this fresh fish" was found to be
moving around as though accustomed to
such trifes. 1t was placed in tub of fresh
water and soon revived, swimming about
in a live ly fashion, 1t is hard to believe
that any fish could live out ofits element
for journey of 23l r1iles, but such is
stated 10 be the case.-Exchance
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Strength and Health.

If you are not feeling strong and heal
thy, try Electric Bitters. f"La Grippe
has left you weak and weary, use Elect
ric BitteIs. This remedy acts directly on
Liver, Stomach and Kidneys, gently al I.
ing those organs to perform their func-
tons you are afflicted with Sick
Headache, you viii fnd speedy and per-
manent relief by taking Electric Bitters.
One trial will convince you that this is
the remedy you need. Llrge bottles on
ly SOC. at j. n Snyders drug store.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
One of Cardinal Manning's Sto
ries.

Cardinal Manning used to tell humo
rous story Of his early experience as
temperance advocate. lie Was returning
one night from some meeting when b,
met an Irish laboring man, decidedly
the worse for liquor. Dr. Manning stop
ped him.
You are an Irishman," said the doc
tor.
Indeed, am, your reverence wa,
the answer.
And CAtholie?7 added the provost
sure, what else would be?" answer.
ed the inebIiate.
Then why don't you take the pledge,
and keep from disgracing ur relig-
ion?" asked DR.. Manning.
only take a drop now and then
and I'm not 50 far gone" answered the
Irishman again.
Then the future cardinal explained
that he was priest, and he had taken
the pledge.
The man crossed himself.
All, then. said he, Il never thought
I'd see such bad day, to meet a priest
that had fallen so low as to have to take
the pledge; God help your reverence" ("
and he walked sadly if uncertainty
away.
l suppose God did help me, or I
wouldn't i'e teetotaler STILL" was the
cardinals comment when he told the
story.-Lond0n IL Biz.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
BuckIens Arnlca saIve.

Toe best Salve in:hs wlrij f)r CT Is,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever
Sores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chill
blains, Corns, and all Skin Erupiions,
and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
CURED Itis guaranteed % give perfect
satisfaction, or money refunded. Price
p cents per box. For sale by ]. n. Sny-
der.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29

The children's health must not be ne.
elected. Cold in the head causes ca
tarrh. Ely's Cream Balm cures at once
It is perfectly safe and is easily applied
nto the nostrils. The worst cases yield
ing TO it. Price soc.
One Of my children had a very bad
discharge from her nose. Two physi-
clans prescribed, but without benefit.
We tried Ely's Cream Balm, and, much
TO our surprise, there was a marked i'm
provement We continued using the
Balm and in short time the discharge
was curea.-o. A. Cary, Corning, n. Y.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
The Small Brother.

Sisterll be right in soon, said the talk
alive small brother to his sisters beau
she's gone down to the postofiice TO get
8 passel."
But don't the post man bring your
packages - inquired the young man.
Nope. Not this time, case sister. she
got postal what said she must call
herself passel too big TO be liyered."
"lll bet you don't know what it is ="
said the funny young man, interroga-
lively
Il just bet I do. It's sisters new
shoes what's comm from New York
Detroit Free Pres.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Didn't Want A Pony.

Papa, Willie Winkers has got pony.
alas p
"Yes, and it's the bee-utafulist pony I
ever saw"
"You don't say so !"
"Just as gentle as can be. 1 rode on it
an didn't fail off once. A boy couldn't
get hurt on that pony"
ut eats hardly anything, too, and
doesn't cost much to keep"
at doesn't ?"
'NOt anything, hardly. Willie said his
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
ItIs So if Isn't So.

Father-My son, you must not disput e
with your mother in that way.
Boy-But she's in the wrong.
Father-That makes no difference and
you might as well learn, my child, once
for all, that when lady says a thing is
so, it is 50. even ift isn't so.-Pick Me-
Up.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-06-29
Il.

Every man got every cent he earned
and every man earned every cent he got,
there would be a different distribution of
incomes.