davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
HAD A JOKE ON THE LAWYER.
How Cardinal Gibbons Was in Contempt
Without the Court Seeing 1t.

When Cardinal Gibbons was bishop
of Richmond, Va, he happened to be
the defendant in relation to some
church property. When called to the
witness stand the plaintiffs lawyer, a
distinguished legal luminary, after
vain endeavors to involve the witness
in contradictions, struck upon plan
which he thought would annoy the
bishop. He thereupon questioned the
right of DIR. Gibbons to the title of bis
hop of Richmond, and called on him
to prove his claim to the Office. The
defendants counsel, of course, objected
to this as irrelevant; but the bishop,
with quiet smile, said he would COM
ply with the request if allowed half an
hour to produce the necessary papers.
This being allowed, the bishop left the
courtroom and returned in twenty
minutes with a document which he
proceeded to read with great solemn
ity, all the more solemn as the paper
was in Latin. The plaintiffs lawyer
pretended to take notes, industriously
bowling his head once in awhile as if
in acquiescence, and seeming perfectly
convinced at the end.
When the reading was finished he
announced that the papal bulls just
read were perfectly satisfactory, at
the same time apologizing for his ex-
pressed doubts. The next day, says
the Halifax On. s. Mail, it leaked out
that the bishop, unable to find the
papal bull at his residence, had brought
to the court and read a Latin essay on
"Pope Leo the Great" written by an
ecclesiastical student and forwarded
by the president of the college as a
specimen of the young mans skill in
Latin composition. The smart lawyer
never heard the last of it.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
Stub Ends of Thought.

Contentment makes pudding of cold
potatoes.
Idle men are as great gossips as idle
women.
If mans ability were as great as
his discomfort, everyone would be
Napoleon.
History's heroes were selfish men.
Bachelors are the unbuttered bread
of the world.
Sentiment is glorifed prejudice.
Writers are the only cooks who love
to eat their own victuals
Every man defends himself uncon-
sciously.
There is one day in the week to go
to church, and seven to love thy
neighbor as thyself. = Detroit Free
Press.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
British ParIiaments,

The parliament that met Aug. IA is
the thirteenth of the present reign.
The reign of Queen Victoria stands
unique in the annals of parliamentary
history, having broken all previous rec
ords. Since the days of Henry WILL,
when pariiaments of more than one ses-
sion began to be usual, no sovereign has
called into being thirteen successive
parliaments. -
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
Getting or Cheap.

@Do you think you will be acquit-
ted?" asked New York gentleman of
a prominent man who was indicted for
q serious offense.
Eyes, think so."
%Has your lawyer given you good
grounds to think SOP"
"No," responded the hopeful client.
abut 1 have given him grounds to
think so. I've decided him all my real
estate as his fee. ."-IIeras Sifti7aqS.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
AND THE COLONEL WENT.
a Literal Interpretation of Orders Makes
an Army Smile.

A gentleman who served with dis
tinction in the war of the rebellion,
but who wishes not to be named here,
says the n. 7. Herald, related yester-
day the following incident of one of
the early battles of that war:
"The federal and confederate forces
side of considerable clearing where
the battle was likely soon to take
place. The federal commander and
his staff, seated upon their horses,
were consulting near the right of the
line. Col. Neal Dow was standing in
front of his regiment, very small
man with a tremendous big hat on his
head and monstrous sword dangling
such as one might expect to see in o
comic paper.
AN aide approached Col. Dow, say
speak to him. Col. Dow strobe down
the line the soldiers laughing at the
sight.
".Col. Dow,' said the commander,
you will march out into that opening
and take position on that knoll yon-
der. You will there await further or
ders.'
"In sight of the entire right wing of
the army, Col. Dow went marching
into the opening. his long, heavy sword
clanking on the ground behind him,
his big hat dragged down over his
head until he looked as if he might
have been drawn by Cruikshank.
"The commander heard the shout of
laughter that went up from the ranks
and looked for the cause.
"'Who is that walking out hereP' he
asked.
Somebody told him it was Col.
Dow. An aide was sent to bring him
back.
"'Col. Dow,' said the commander,
why did you go out there aloneP Why
did you not take your regiment with
you?'
"'Dear me, general, said the colo
mel, 1 beg thousand pardons. I
didn't know you meant for me to take
anybody with me, you didn't say. you
know
"And that is how it happened" said
he who related this story, "that Col.
Dow was prevented from putting down
the rebellion without aid"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
Life in a Kansas Town.

There is talk of changing the town
bad man.
The wearing of night shirts seems to
travel westward with the settlement of
the country.
The girl who can drum inst a little
on the piano, usually finds a girl who
can drum little less, and they play
duets together.
1t is always sign that it is time for
a woman to come home when her hus-
band begins to tell other women how
lonesome he is.
A mouse started across a room in a
North Atchison house, and a girl
screamed so loud the mouse fell over.
On picking it up it was found to have
died of fright.
In order to hear both sides of the story
and be able to judge the matter fairly,
an Atchison county widow is about to
marry the man who was leader in
the gang that lynched her husband
twenty years ago.
There will be a picnic in the Vree-
land woods this evening, but no one
knows who is getting it up; if you are
not invited, you will not know the
man to abuse. This is a late idea; the
man who gets up picnic is as quiet
| about it as dynamiter.
An Atchison woman who has had
the housework and four or five child
ren to see to, recently struck, and
hired girl, and appeared on the
streets looking so nice in new clothes
that her husband followed her three
blocks trying to f1irt with her.-Atchi-
| coo1 GIObo
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
An object-Lesson in Futility.

They were talking about futility,
and for some reason known only to
each other failed to agree. Finally
she asked:
well, now, suppose you give me
an example of what you call futilityP"
"All right" said he. Multiply s.
GAG by 721."
She took her little gold pencil in
hand, seized a piece of paper, and
after few minutes of diligent fgur-
ing announced the result.
1.-TWO million eight hundred and
forty-fve thousand and sixty-six," said
she.
divide that by two," he continued.
"One million four hundred and
twenty-five thousand five hundred
and thirty-three," she said.
"Very WE'LL" said he. "Now add
seven to that, and then subtract /, 422,-
$40, and tell me what you get"
"The result is Zero" said she, after
figuring little more.
"Well, that's what I call futility,"
said he, with a laugh. you've COW
cred sheet of paper with figures to
arrive at nothing"
Whereupon she became so angry
that she refused to argue further on
the subiect.-HarpeT's MdoGzine,
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07

tDaily. Except Sunday. fFlag stop. meals.
Dark Faced Type denotes time from IL co u 90
midnight Light Faced from 12 90 midnight to IL GO noon
JOSEPH WOOD, E.A. FORD,
General Manager, General Passenger Agent,
S-15-92-I PITTSBURGH, PENN'A.
For time cards, rates of fare, through tickets,
baggage checks, and further information re-
garding the running of trains apply to any
Agent of the Pennsylvania Lines.
W. D. ARMSTRONG. Agent.
Ravenna, o.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07
A Good Word for the Tiger.

The tiger is not such very great
misfortune to the neighborhood where
he happens to have fixed his abode.
His chase gives pleasure, excitement,
and exercise to the many hard-worked
officials, whose lives would be those of
uninterrupted routine were it not for
this recreation. 1t is also of great as
sistance to the district officials, as it
makes them much better acquainted
with the people under their charge,
and they get to know out-of-the-way
places which, but for this sport, they
would never have visited.
The tiger is very necessary evil in
India, and were it not for him, deer
and wild-boar would increase to such
land would become an immense hard
ship, and almost an impossibility; he
keeps them within bounds, and re-
ieves the ryots from watching their
fields by night in the unhealthy locali-
ties.
We are accustomed in England to
hear constant war preached against
this animal for it's total extermina-
ton; but this ought only to be in
cases of the destructive cattle-killer or
man-eater, and these ought to be got
rid of at any cost. The villagers are
always extremely careful of their good
cattle, watching them well and keep
ing them grazing on the border of
fields where they are working, and
would be very sorry if the tiger were
exterminated; of course they them
selves are often carried off by man
eaters. But tigers of this class are
luckily very scarce.
Tigers are still numerous in the
state of Mysore, and panthers have
often been killed in the city itself
quite recently. l believe that in Ny
sore the largest tigers in India are to
be found. Some have been killed
quite lately by sportsmen measuring
nearly ten feet six inches from the
nose to the tip CT the tail. There are
two kept by the Maharajah in the
courtyard of his cattle-stables that
measure very little short of that.-R.
Cation WoodUiLle, in Rarpe7's Magazine.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-07

Nos. 336 and 33S connect at Wellsville for
Steubenville and Bellaire. Nos. 33S and 342
connect in Union Station, Pittsburgh, for the
East.
pEr,uEEM phxApn ANN NEW PHI hnEI pHIh
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11
That Galloway Circular.

Come to think of it, there is moth
ing very strange or surprising in the
fusion of the Democrats with the
pops in Kansas. 1t will be remem-
bered that one of the very first cal
amity documents ever promulgated
in. Kansas and one, by the way,
that has never been surpassed in it's
injurious effects upon the states
material welfare and prosperity
was the notorious Galloway circular.
Wichita Eagle.
Rats Marsh rats!
Galloway's circular did not tell
half the true story, and you know
it.
For further particulars see United
States census.
What is the use Of lying about
facts I?
The only right way is to acknowl-
edge your Indebtedness like man
and try to meet it.
Kansas is all 0. K, and will pay
dollar for dollar for everything she
owes, and that mighty quick, too.
But what earthly use is there in
trying to hide, and lie, and blow,
and fuss about it
Stand up for your Miss Nancy,
Marsh, but give the old girl fair
shake. '
She may be of uncertain age and
a trife out of gear, but give your
first love a chance. Topeka Dem
Ocrat.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11
..Pennamite. Rs-Union.

The annual reunion of the Penn
sylvania settlers in Kansas will
take place at the Capitol, in Topeka,
on the oath and 25th of August,
1892.
These reunions have become of
great interest, and the thousands of
people who gather thereat find an
opportunity to meet old friends and
neighbors, and renew old acquaint-
ances aud make new ones-a pleas
ure long to be remembered.
1t is urged that the Pennsylva-
mans in every county in the state
organize themselves into an asso-
citation, and take steps to be repre-
scented at the reunion in Topeka,
August Oath and 25th.
The railroads give reduced rate
of one aud one-third fare for the
round trip.
For other information and copy
of state constitution, address
G. P. BoIMAT, State Sec'y, /.
535 Kansas Ave, Topeka, Kansas.
WHEN you go to buy nails see
that they are not Carnegie nails.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11
Some Letters.

Brothers Your editorial in the
AG1rAroR Of July 18th, under the
heading, "F-A-U-G.H !" is bang-up.
If that don't elect S. S. King, moth
ing can. That issue of the paper
is good all over. l am sorry l did
not meet you at Omaha. If | had
died in the convention, / would have
said Amen /! The whole spirit of
the meeting was guarded over by
Peter Cooper. was quite feeble
when l started from home, but met
with nothing but kindness from the
New York and other delegates of
the convention. l could i'll afford
to go, but l don't regret it. | al
ways thought that when the South
ern people took up the cause, some
thing definite would be done. The
Georgia delegates were band of
patriots. So were the delegates
from every state. South Carolina
is doing we'll, by what John G. Cal
houn would call mastery inactiv-
ity." Nothing but decentralization
among the old-party hacks in the
state of New York. If ever New
York does get in line with the peo-
pie of the whole country, she must
reform herself first. She is at low
water mark now.
Fraternally,
GEO. W. LLOYD.
B. w.. Scott writes from Cordele,
Ca: "The Peoples party is well
organized in this county, and, in
fact, throughout the state, and we
hope, by close work, to sweep the
state for reform. We surely are in
great need of reform"
C.E. Jenkins writes from Dooling,
Ca: Georgia is solid for the Peo-
ple's party All we ask is for the
West and Northwest to meet us on
halfway grounds, and James B.
Weaver will be our mex president"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11

James B.
Weaver, he
Howls calamity
Quite frequentlee.
But, then, you see
That James B.
Didn't make the calamity.
No sir-ee
James G.
Field, he
Is another bowler
Yes stree,
He comes from the state
Of Virgini-ee,
And that state he'll yank
From the Democracee.
Now James b.
And James G.
Make a strong team
As you surely can see.
Grover and Bonnie
Before them will fee,
And they'll scatter the ranks
Of the Plutocracee.
Haw Haw Z! Haw !
He! He ! He :!
Hi--c--e-el!.
Royal Gorge, Aspen, Col.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11

Economy. ~
Common sense. NH
Lower tariff.
Free coinage.
Better times.
Regulation Of railroads.
A graduated income tax.
No Alien ownership of land.
Abolition Of the national banking
system.
More money and less misery
National View.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11
sshp
You Ought to
Read q Daily Paper
From the Worlds Fair City.
THE CHICAGO NEWS RECORD

is as good as the best and cheaper
than the cheapest. 1t prints all the
news without fear Or favor. 1t is an
independent newspaper wears no
party collar and prints the news free
from the faint of pTtisan bias. 1t
gives all the news and tells the truth
about it.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11

M e ntal Depression,
Painful Digestion, Pim-
the Head, Sallow Com
Scald Head, Scrofufa,
Diseases, Sour Stom-
Torpid Liver, Ulcers.
other symptom or dis
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1892-08-11

Nausea, Nettle Rash,
Piles, Rush OF Blood to
p1exion, Salt RheuH',
Sick Headache, Skin
ach, Tired Feeling,
Water Brash and every
ease that results from
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-05-08
THIS WEEK We Save YOU FROM so CENTS TO $500 ON EVERY PURCHASE
YOU NEED SHOES BUY THEM NOW

There's Boutelle, who is often mistaken
for Mr.. HarrIes. of Minnesota, and
Simpson and few others you'd per-
haps pick out for men of mark, but
when your eye falls upon Burke Cock
ran. of New York, you know at once
that there's man who is, or is going to
be, a leader of men. In the first
place he looks like lion.
His shoulders and head are
massive, and his hair is tawny and flies
out In name when he roarS-and he
does roar. His voice fairly cracks the
gliding on the press gallery. and when
Burke Cochran speaks the galleries are
always filled. At noon every day the
flags go up above both houses
of congress to denote that they
are in session, and at night
high up. above the dome, shines out a
beacon light when congress sits. Every
time there's night session a weary
looking man goes toiling up the million
or two steps by which one mounts the
dome, and, striking match on the sole
of his shoe. lights that lamp. When
congress gets tired of sQuabbling and
adjournS, up he goes again to
turn off the gas. You might suppose
there'd be an electric button, or some
thing Of that kind, but there isn't, and
congress seems to think the wear and
tear OIL that poor mans legs is less eX-
pensive than an electric wire. There
are some positions in official life for
which the man with soul above work
yearns, but that isn't one of them.
X. K.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-05-08

| Piles and sending out samples of dry
| goods, etc, by statesmen. Finally we
| got to figuring on the matter. The re-
suit was most appalling. Some of us had
been connected with big factories in our
time, as well as other large houses.
wholesale and retail. We found that,
placed at a conservative figure, there
are more than 100000 worth of goods
given away, and consequently de-
stroyed. IN samples every year in the
United States.
when you come to figure this out it
means an average of five cents apiece
for every man, woman and child, in
Guiding all the babies in the United
States.
This S3,0O0,O0 or more, eventually, of
course, comes out of the pockets of the
purchasers, or, more properly speaking,
the consumers of dry goods. The SAM
pie feature of the dry goods business is
at once one of the greatest nuisauces
and blessings that we have. Where the
nuisance comes in is easily to be seen;
the blessing of it is in the fact that it
saves us, OF, should say, the dearly be-
loved people, many a thousand dollars
which otherwise would go for the ex-
penSe of sending out more travelling
statesmen. Thousands of dollars worth
OF goods are sent out every day to retail
customers over the country from which
we never hear word. But do we lose
it? Oh, nO--never! We simply count
upon it as being so much clear loss or
necessary expense, along with clerk
hire, taxes, etc., and ask the more: for
the goods that we Sello
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-05-08
DREAMS.


Come TO me in q dream, o Love of mine!-
Come to me, Sweetest, from thy far-off
place
Come close, and lean above me thy fair
face:
Within my fingers let thy fingers Irvine,
And kiss my eyelids, till they culver and
shine
With passionate JOY, and all Sleeps mystic
ways
Are lighted with the bright, propitious rays
That beam from Loves own moon-Love's
stars divine.
o Love. for Gods love, and for love of
love,
Send forth thy soul across the weary way,
And meet me, where through Sleeps vague
Land / rove
Seeking my buried treasure-ah, but stay
Here in these arms till have felt again
The jubilant blood exult through every vein
Sometimes seem to find thee in my dreams :;
do not hear thy voice-nor do | see
Thy face-but Sweet, feel all silently
Thy Presence watch my sleep: sometimes it
seems
I catch from far the shining of Loves
streams,
But when would draw near those streams
and thee,
They mock my vision with elusive CLEANS
And then my Spirit. baffied in desire,
Possesses only the blind realm of Sleep,
And wakes to face the hours that wound and
In which no more the happy pulses leap
To see the hostile years rise, steep on steep
While from no height shines forth Loves an
swering fire.
Philip BoarEe Marston.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-05-08
QUEER LOOKING PLACES.
Aggravating Franks That Think
cts Have Played Upon Too Con-
fident Owners.

cts Have Played Upon Too Con-
fident Owners.
All the rings in the country house had
been cleaned and laid out in the sun OH
a bank, as has been the habit of some
jewel lovers ever since 'Lothair''
was informed that sunlight was the
elixir for pearls, and the precious
freight had been carrid inside, when
one, a. half-hoop diamond ring. was
found to be missing, says the Queen.
Lamentation prevailed. but, to cut a
long story short, it was pulled up the
following day on the root of nastur-
tium, over bed of which the nearer of
the jewel tray had passed. There hav-
ing been a season of drought, the root
was half in and out of the loose. dusty
soil, but a food presumably that of the
tray bearer had actually pressed 1T be-
meath and out of sight.
A nursery maid, however, thinking
the Sprawling ANIMALS looked untidy,
began pulling them up next day, and
there was the lost valuable! Do not
believe it? l should not have done SO
on hearsay myself; but still | say, as do
all others who saw, it was SO.
The frill around a wOman's skirt will
catch and hold fast precious morsel in
a manner almost incOnceivable. A dia-
mond ring again diamong ring-the
species is bewitched) had flown off the
finger of lady player at lawn tennis.
Up and down that velvet lawn all
through the long summer afternoon did
patient searchers pace, and finally
poor pussy cat, who had been licking its
paws in the vicinity. came under suspi
clon. Pussy was observed to be going
through various and horrible contor-
tions. 1t arched its back, stretched its
neck, gulped and, in short, behaved ex-