Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1892-10-20

gained from them a thorough contempt
for probability and the police. The
first thing you should do when crime
has been committed, as l often said to
Uncle Poffkins, is to suspicion the most
unlikely man as being the criminal
That was the course 1 adopted when
Aunt Poffkins' earrings were stolen. 1t
was in the morning when the theft was
discovered. Aunt came down late and
ran into the room where Uncle Poff-
kins, Dora and 1 were breakfasting.
My aunt bore traces of strong agitation
and she had forg often her cap
MY earrings" she cried ''They
are gone-they are stolen!"
God bless my soulr' exclaimed
Uncle Poffkins, dropping his teacup as
if he had been shot, and leaping up
with yell of pain He said the yell
was attributed to the heat of the tea,
which was trickling down his legs.
My aunt explained. The earrings
were kept wrapped in cotton wool in a
jewel box on her dressing table. The
box was never locked, and the house
maid had access to the room. The
girl had only been in the house a week,
and was known to have a beau. My
aunt and cousin at once concluded she
was the thief. and sent for policeman,
who searched her trunk and found
nothing. of course. / could have told
them that.
Meanwhile, kept my eye on Uncle
Poffkins. He was the one person who
could have no motive whatever in steal
ing the earrings. He was very rich,
onl avfrop,alv Slow
and noisy in his movement; moreover,
my aunt would have given him the ear
rings at any moment if he had asked
for them. Evidently he was the last
man to attract suspicion. According
ly, 1 watched Uncle Poffkins closely.
We passed a week of excitement The
police were running out and in. Dora
cross-examined the housemaid inces-
sanity. Amt Poffkins went about
weeping and reminding everyone she
met that the earrings were a pres
ent from Uncle Poffkins on the occas-
ion of their engagement. My uncle
himself affected to make light of the
matter. and went so far as loudly and
ostentatiously to curse the earrings.
He was wrong if he thought he could
put me off the scent by that clumsy
maneuver. 1 never left him alone;
/ tracked him to the city. hung
about all the morning, Swallowed
him when he went to lunch.
when he returned. when he crossed
over to the exchange. Unknown to
him l was on his bus. inside if he rode
on the top, and on the top when it
rained and he slowed himself away in
side. He never escaped me, except
when he was in his Office. At last,
after ten days weary chasing, 1 was re-
warded. / need not say that the police
had discovered nothing. The house
was still topsy turvey and my aunt sub
ject to Intermittent Mysteries. That
wronged creature, the housemaid, did
her work with a mop in one hand and
in the other handkerchief wet with
innocent tears. But to return to Uncle
Poffkins- The tenth day after the ear
rings had disappeared. as he was brush
ing his hat before leaving the house,
and looking at my aunt's tear believed
visage, his conscience smote him, and
he so far forgot himself as to exclaim
audibly:
I'm blamed if can stand this any
longert" The folly of the man was in
credible. i had him now! In an instant
was after him. He took bus. / took
a cab, and started for the city. Now
came the odd thing-UncLe Poffkins
disappeared. How it happened I do
not know. but when the bus pulled up
at the bank Uncle Poffkins was not to
be seen. i questioned the conductor,
but he had evidently been bribed. and
told me very rudely that he had some
thing better to do than answer my rid
dies. He drove on, and / was left for
the first time at fault.
1t was evening before I saw Uncle
Poffkins. l was going home in a very
disconsolate state, when. about two
hundred yards from our gate, l espied
him ahead of me. Quickening my pace,
stealthily approached him. He
opened the gate and passed in: noise
lessly followed. A little further on.
sheltered by the shrubbery. he stopped
and, after a stealthy glance toward
the house, took from his coat pocket
. small morocco case. l stood on
tiptoe just behind, and, with
mingled horror and satisfaction as /
looked over his soulder, saw the ear
rings! i was right! Uncle Poffkins
sighed .'Shall l give 'em to her or
not?' he said to himself. ''Its rank
waste. Still, It will keep her quiet" /
watched the struggle between his good
,ond his evil angel Clearly the good