davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25
WHOLE NO. 1885.

proud of his talent for mimicry was
bent on deceiving them all into
thinking him dying man, for he
lay there moaning pitifully, his face
drawn and twisted as if with terrible
pain.
His friends stood around and
made jokes and puns, and hummed
lines of comic songs, assuring him
all the while that they were not de-
ceived by his acting At last he
gave hoarse, mournful cry, looked
at them sadly, and them ceased to
moan or writhe. In a never-to-be-
forgotten moment of horror and
sorrow his friends realized that Os-
wald was dead.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25
Tragic Joking.

A remarkable story of practical
joking is related of a young French
man in the Souvenirs dun Vioux
Libraire." The old fable of the boy
who cried 'wolf" too often has had
few such tragic illustrations in fact.
Oswald, a witty and original Paris
ian, had a mania for practical jok-
ing. He was very amusing to his
friends, but when his talents were
exerted to avenge some wrong there
was more bitterness than fun in
his wit.
One evening, when a man who
had not treated him politely gave a
reception, he revenged himself
cruelty. The man was slightly de-
formed. All the hunchbacks of
Paris, five hundred in number, pre-
sented themselves at his reception.
They had recievd notices from Os-
wald that if they would go to this
address, on this evening, they would
learn of legacy which had been
left them.
When a play, written by a man
who had reused his anger by read
ing newspaper at the wedding of
one of his friends, was produced, he
prevented its success by inducing
two hundred and fifty of his friends
to attend it carrying great books,
These young men, who occupied
prominent seats, read their books
while the performance was going
on, and whenever there was any
applause each one of them, rs if
moved by clockwork, turned over a
leaf. The rustling of the leaves
and the spectacle of the men absorb
ed in reading made the performance
complete failure.
Oswald's friends were always on
the lookout for some ruse. He
once notified them that on New
Years day he should get the best
of them all in some joke, and New
Years morning each received this
notice.: Remember" They were
on their guard.
As they were leaving a house
where they had breakfasted, Oswald
suddenly slipped ON the steps and
fell on his back OH the sidewalk.
His friends rushed to his assistance,
but paused before they reached him.
"This is his ruse," some one said.
Clearly, the man who vas so
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25
alms-house?" he continued, turning
towards the keeper.

alms-house?" he continued, turning
towards the keeper.
"Yes."
"And are you after these people?"
"Yes."
"Then you may return. Jacob
Manfred goes to no poor-house
while | live"
The keeper gazed at the man who
addressed him, and then he left the
house.
"Don'tyou remember Lucius Will
liams?"
"Williams?' repeated Jacob, start
ing up from his chair, and gazing
earnestly into the face of the man
before him.
"Yes, Jacob Manfred--Lucius
Williams. That little boy whom,
thirty years ago, that poor boy
whom you kindly took from the
bonds of the law, and placed on
board one of your vessels"
"And are you"
"Yes-yes. l am the man you
made. You found me arough stone
from the hands of poverty and bad
example. 1t was you who brushed
off the evil, and who first led me to
the sweet waters of moral life and
happiness. | have profted by the
lessons you gave me in early youth,
and the warm spark which your
kindness lighted up in my bosom
has grown brighter and brighter
ever since. With an affluence for
life, have settled down to enjoy
the remainder of my days in peace
and quietness, with such good work
as my hands may find to do. |
heard Of your losses and your be-
reavements. | know that the child
rem Of your own flesh are all gone,
but ! am a child of your bounty-a
child of your kindness-and now
you shall be still my parents. Come,
l have a home and a heart, and your
presence will make them both warm
er, brighter and happier. Come, my
more than father-and you, my
mother, come. You made my youth
all bright, and | will not see your
old age doomed to darkness"
Jacob Manfred tottered forward
and sank upon the bosom Of his
preserver. He could not speak his
thanks, for they were too heavy for
words. When he looked up again
he sought his wife.
"Susan," he said, in a choking
trembling tone, my bread has come
back to me!'
Forgive me, Jacob"
mo, no, Susan. 1t is not who
must forgive,-God holds us in his
hand"
"Ah,' murmured the wife, as she
raised her streaming eyes to heaven
81 will never doubt Him again.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Our overworked officials.-A gov
ernment clerk, known to be pas
sionately addicted to angling, en-
tered the private Office of his chief
and said: my sister is going to be
married, sir, and I should like to"
"Just SO. Well, | don't see any
objection to your sisters marriage
every now and then, only you
might bring me fish, you know"
lie Rappel.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Suburban Woes.-Mrs. Suburb
(joyously)-"My dear, I've sue
ceeded in getting a servant girl at
last. Go to the kitchen and kiss
her." Mr.. Suburb-"Kiss her?"
Mrs. Suburb--"Certainly. | had
to promise that she should be treat
ed as one of the family."-New
York Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Friend-"What on earth are you
doing to that pictureP" Great
Artist am rubbing a piece of
raw meat over this rabbit in the
foreground. Mrs. De Shoddie will
be here this afternoon, and when
she sees her pet dog smell of that
rabbit she'll buy it."-New York
Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Professor( lecturing on galvan-
ism m)-'What would be the effect,
Mr.. Broken, if you hold quantity
of gold in one hand and of silver in
the other?" Broken-"I should
experience a decided shock. Yale
Record.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

1t was He.-Caller-'Is Mr..
Jones IMP" Man-"Sure'n' Oh dun
no. Come in here out NV tn dar-
rk an lit me see if yez have red
whiskers. If yez have, an yer
name is Blithers, the boss amt in y
New York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Had Been There. re.-Maiden listen
ing to Mendelssohn's Wedding
March)-"I don't see why they
have the clashing of the cymbols.' v
Young Mrs. Benedict-"Why, as a
symbol of the clashings which are
to follow, of course. Kate Fields
Washington.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Glanders-"It is said that paper
can be used effectively in keeping a
person warm" Gazley-"That is
very true. I remember a thirty day
note of mine once kept me in a
sweat for month. Brooklyn
Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

1.-THE trouble with Spongely is
he never pays anything" said Grab
bles. "Oh, doesn't he though
Ask him to pay you a visit, and
see,' retorted Hicks.-Harper's Ba-
Zaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Mr.. Brink-"What was the most
piece Of jewelry you ever
bought?" Mr.. de Vorce-"My
wedding ring; | am paying $40 a
week acknowledgements Week
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Smiggins(a at the dinner table,
Ugh! this pudding isn't fit for a
hog to eat Boarding mistress
(sweetly)-"Then | wouldn't eat
it, Mr.. Smiggins. boston Tran
script.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Callahrn-"What kind of a place
is New York;" Phelim O'Queer-
Faith it's a great city, but it is no
place for a poor man unless he has
plenty of money."-Yankee Blade.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

"Do you wish proof of my love?"
mo-" she answered. my negative
makes them unnecessary."-Wash-
inRton Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Sunday School Teacher-"What
is the conscience?" Bright Boy
"It's wot makes you sorry wen you
oct found out."-Good News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

my lord," said the foreman OF
an IRISH jury when giving in his
verdict, 1--WE find the man who stole
the mare not guilty.-Tid-Bits.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

To reduce an evil generally seems
to be an advantage. It is not so,
however, when you contract a
cold. ~ Lowell Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Writing some music, professorP'
"Yes, something that will move the
SOLE" "Patheticp" mo, waltz.
Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25
N. Baker & Co., Dorchester, Mass.
HUM ESHa r REYS'

This PRECIOUS. OINTMENT is the
triumph of Scientific Medicine.
Nothing has ever been produced to
equal or compare with it as CURATIVE
and HEALING APPLICATION. 1t has been
used over 40 years, and always affords
relief and always gives satisfaction.
For Piles External or Internal, Blind
or Bleeding FistuIa in Ano Itching or
Bleeding Of the Rectum. The relief is
immediate the cure certain.
For Burns, Scalds and liberation and
Contraction from Burns. The reliefis instant
the healing wonderful and unequaled.
For Boils, Hot Tumors, Ulcers, Fistulas,
Old Sores, Itching Eruptions, Chailng or
Scald Head. 1t is Infalliblc.
For Inhamed or Caked Breasts and Sore
Nipples. 1t is invaluable.
Price, 20 Cents. Trial size, IS Cents.
Sold by Druggists sent postpaid receipt Of price
uuupHREys' nED. CO., iItk1Ia wiIiam ST., NEW i0Rk
aaau@Aug HEa TFR nuH
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

"Dentist-"Will you take gasp
Man in chair-Er, | don't know.
Is there any risk?" Dentist-"Oh,
no. ! shall ask you to pay in adj
vance" ~ ankee Blade.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

Landlady-"What do you think
of this spring chicken?" Starboard
~ think it's spring must have
been as long as that of Water
bury watch" Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

When boy begins to wash his
neck without being told it is sign
that he is passing into the ordeal of
his first love affair.-Atchison Globe.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25

At the stock exchange.-First
Stockiobber-"Shall we 60 and take
somethingp" Second ditto (un-
thinkingly)-"From whom?"-ll
Motto per Ridere.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25
Detroit, Bay CITY & AIpena R.R.
The Niagara Falls Route
Time Card in Effect.

Accom- Mail and Mail and Accom-
mediation. Express. EXpIess' modatloh'
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25
Godey's Lady's Book,

Box IL. H.. Philadelphia, Pa.
In Club with this paper, Godey's and the
ARGUS, price $3.50, which should be sent
to the Office of this paper.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-25
HUMOROUS.

hoAAOAsSSp'
To reduce an evil generally seems
to be an advantage. 1t is not so
however, when you contract
cold."- Lowell Courier.
"Do you wish proof of my love?''
NO" she answered. my negative
makes them unnecessary" Wash.
ington Star.
"Writing some music, professor?'
"Yes, something that will move the
sole" "Pathetic?" mo, waltz.
Siftings.
Sunday School Teacher-"What
is the conscience?" Bright Boy
"It's wot makes you sorry wen you
get found out" Good News.
my lord" said the foreman Of
an Irsh jury when giving in his
verdict, 1--WE find the man who stole
the mare not guilty.-Tid-Bits.
When a boy begins to wash his
neck without being told it is a sign
that he is passing into the ordeal OF
his first love affair. Globe
At the stock exchange.-First
we 60 and take
somethingp" Second ditto (un-
thinkingly)-"From whom?"-ll
Motto per Ridere.
Landlady-"What do you think
of this spring chickenp" Starboard
81 think it's spring must have
been as long as that of a Water,
bury watch. Puck.
"Dentist-"Will you take gasp
Man in chair-Er, ! don't know
Is there any risk?" Dentist-"Oh
no. | shall ask you to pay in adj
vance. ~ ankee Blade.
Callahrn-"What kind of a place
is New York? ?" Phelim O'Queer-
Faith it's a great city, but it is nc
place for a poor man unless he has
plenty of money. Yankee Blade.
Mr.. Brink-"What was the mos
expensive piece Of jewelry you evel
bought?" Mr.. de Vorce-"My
wedding ring; | am paying $40
week ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Week
ly.
"The trouble with Spongely il
he neyer nays anvthin o. said Grab
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28

A CORRESPONDENT OF the Cincin-
natl Enquirer has good deal more
imagination than soul or regard for
the truth. His account OF the recent
fire at the Pontiac, Mich, Asylum,
given upon meager information which
reads good deal as though acquired
at long range, is narrowing and sem
sational to the extreme. He had 500
women shivering in the cold while
the asylum building went to ruins.
Amid the kissing OF the flames de-
mon-like yells added hideousness to
awful pandemonium. Many of the
inmates were dragged from their beds
just in time to escape most horrible
death. Several hundred 'demoniacal
men penned up in their cells heard
the roaring flames and fairly raved.
There is said to have been number
badly injured, and the loss is fixed at
$500, 900. Comparison of this lurid
and exaggerated account with the
truth shows the creative powers Of
some young mans mind; but the
worst feature is the anxiety and dread
created by such report when read by
those who had friends and relatives
in the institution. Such newspaper
work is worse than useless, for it is de-
void OF facts and altogether brutal.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28

or what are you thinking, my little lad.
with the honest eyes ~ blue.
AS you watch the vessels that slowly glide
DER the level ocean ioorf
Beautiful. graceful. silent as dreams, they
pass away from our view.
And down the slope Of the world they go,
TO seek some far of shore,
The seem TO be scattered abroad by chance.
10 move at tho breeze's will.
Aimlessly wondering hither and yon. and
melting In distant gray,
But each one moves to a purpose firm, and
the winds their sails that I'LL ss,i
Like faithful servants speed them all on
!, their appointed way. tf.
For each has a rudder. my dear little lad,
with stanch man at the wheel.
And the rudder is never left to itself. but
the will or the man Is there;
There Is never moment, day or night, that
the vessel does not feel
The force OF the purpose that shapes her
course and the helmsman's watchful
care.
Some day you Will launch your ship, my boy,
on LIES wide. treacherous sea-
BE sure your rudder is wrought OF strength
to stand the stress OF the gale.
And your hand on the Wheel don't let II
hinch. whatever the tumult be.
For the Will OF man, with the help of Col
shall conquer and prevail
st. Nicholas
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28

a unique reception dress. The jacket
bodice has front and basques of crepe
de chine, with transver5al arrangement
of velvet ribbon cutting the bust dag
onally. The lower sleeve is also of
crepe de chine, with ribbon band and
bow. This gown may be made up in
plain silk for the bodice and figured for
the skirt, the ribbon being of the same
shade as the dark figure in the skirt.
A refined and elegant deshabille is ap-
preciated by every woman, and 1 think
it would be difficult to design a garment
than the one pictured in my second
illustration. 1t is made up in a surah
with Pompadour figures, but l should
add that il may be made up equally well
in crepe or other soft and clinging ma
terial. 1t should be cut princess, and
have Vatican pleat, made up of the
very full back. 1t has hooks part of the
way down the front, and is sewed the
rest. The fronts have one gore. In or
der to prevent the train from rolling up,
you must make the side breadths longer
than usual, and cut them on the bias.
The Vatican pleat is gathered and fast
ened under the collar to the adjusted
backs. The turn-down collar, double
pointed on each side, is surmounted
with small lace ruche and set off with a
tulle bertha. The tulle fronts are seal
loped and draped as indicated. Galloon
ceinture with long ends hangs down in
front. Bouffant sleeves trimmed with
wide lace cuffs.
The Vatican pleat remains in high
favor and is applicable with equal grace
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28
In Colonial Times.

A curious postscript was once added
to letter by General Israel Putnam.
A spy named Palmer, sent by Sir
Henry Clinton, the British COM
mander, had been detected furtiyely
collecting Information of the force
and condition of the post at Peekskill,
and had undergone a military trial.
A vessel OF war came up the Hudson
in all haste, and landed flag OF
truce at Verplanck's Point, by which
a message was transmitted to Putnam
from Clinton, claiming the said
Palmer as lieutenant in the British
service. Putnam replied: "HEAD-
QUARTERS, eth August, 1777. Edward
Palmer, an officer in the enemy's
service, was taken as a spy lurking
within our lines; he has been tried as
a spy, and shall be executed as spy;
and the flag is ordered to depart inn
mediately. ISRAEL PUTNAM. p. s.
He has accordingly been executed. "
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28

side, an arrange cement which produces
superb square train. And, speaking Of
trains. just you try TO get dress with
out a train nowadays, and see II it's pos
sible. You will find It isn't. The more
second-class and the cheaper the dress
maker, the surer she is to prove herself
-just right" by giving you a train. oh,
husbands and fathers, sweethearts and
brothers, be easy on US. Once more
hear the sad, sad truth. We are not to
be blamed for our high collars. our small
waists, our long train. 1t is the inexor-
able dressmaker who drives us TO folly.
We may direct her as strictly as we will
the dress comes home cut to suit her
fancy, not ours. And what are we to
do? We can't, as husbands and fathers
peremptorily direct, send IL back For
one reason, we need IL to wear; for an
other, it's just so much money. Wear
it we must, pinching our waist, cutting
our throat, sweeping the streets, and,
worse still, bearing the sarcasm OF all
our male relations and the cruelties OF
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28

stance on a dinner dress. In former
times IL would have been deemed sadly
out of place there, but this Is an age
which, like spoiled child, is bound 10
have its own way.
In my last illustration you will find a
suggestion for neat street dress, tailor
made, with mems coat buttons and
braided ornaments on the cuffs and col
lar.
An exquisite dinner dress in tulle with
Pompadour figures lately attracted my
attention. it was made up on silk
foundation. The corsage was in velvet
and laced up at the back and was out
lined with band Of pink feather trim
ming. The short upper sleeve was OF
the velvet, outlined with the feather
trimming, and, in addition, there was a
bouffant little sleeve reaching to the
elbow. The figaro, which composes part
of the corsage, may either be made M
with the corsage or worn over it.
A strange freak in the matter OF
feather fans for ball toilets Is tho addi-
ton Of flowers, the flowers being tied
on one side with a bow OF ribbon and q
sprig running out over the fan. 1t is
certainly peculiar but none the less
effective combination.
But after all, this question OF dress
depends largely upon the individual. II
a young woman makes up her mind that
her mission in life is merely to smile
sweetly, dance lightly, coquette grace
fully and dress daintily," then she has
marked out really easy course for hcr-
self, but her more earnest sister, who
desires to give expression to her charac-
ter by outward symbols, viz, by dress
ing as she thinks and believes, that Is, In
a manner as far removed from the friv-
olous as possible, will find that she IL
setting herself a difficult task. Dress
has certain power of expression. but
fashion doesn't care for this, and rides
rough-shod over sentiment. Hence, the
fashionable woman must forever and
always appear TO be more OF less friv.
olous.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28
Blind Toms sister.

Speaking Of the insanity of Blind
Toms sister, a special from Columbia,
Ga, says: she early displayed pos
tive aversion for music. She is the
antithesis of her brother. The sweet
est melody and most enhancing har-
mony cause her to rave. The notes
of a cornet drive her to desperation,
and she entertains such hatred for
pianos that she cannot restrain her
self whenever she sees them. She has
tried to ruin several pianos, and, as
for violins and flutes, she smashes
every one that comes within her
reach. She is perfectly sane when
she hears no music, but the moment
melodious sounds cause her tympani
to vibrate, her brain becomes heated
and she is transformed into raving
maniac. A chronological exa.lina-
ton shows that there is a depression
where the organ of tune should be.
In Blind Toms Uranium there is an
abnormal development there. Scien-
tific men are puzzled to explain tho
phenomenon, and they advance some
curious and diverse hypothesis"
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28
Hamburr's Finances.

For the first time in its history
there is a deficit in the budget of
Hamburg. The ancient Hanseatic
city, it must be remembered, is one
of the Federal States Of Germany,
and is represented in the Bundesrath,
or Federal Council, by man proud
of the glorious traditions and history
of his native city. In the budget for
1892 the State income is estimated at
S3, 321 800 marks, while the expenses
are estimated at $3.50, 651 marks,
leaving deficit Of 5,21S, 100 marks.
To cover the difference the Senate
has decided to add 20 per cent. to the
income tax of all inhabitants en-. ~
ing revenue of more than LOO
marks. AS Hamburg is a wealthy
city, every twenty-eight out Of one
hundred men will be called upon to
assist in getting the financial car in
motion.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28
Home and Foreign Insurance.

The fire insurance companies have
experienced an exceptionally bad
year, according to all accounts. There
have been no sweeping confiagrations,
but small fires and incendiary fires
have been unusually numerous, and
the aggregate losses have been above
the average, while rates at the same
time have been below, the average.
quence been driven out of business,
and the shares of the joint stock
companies of New York have shrunk
over 81 900, 900 in value as compared
with five years ago. These latter
companies have been forced by the
existing decentralization Of the bust
ness to advance rates, and the turn
ing over to an English company of
the business of the Armstrong COM
panies has helped to strengthen the
situation there. The Boston COM
panies are preparing to follow suit.
Meantime the business here of the
foreign and particularly of the Brit
ish companies has been rapidly in
creasing, until it is estimated that
they carry fully one-third of the fire
risks assumed in the United States
Springfield Republican.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-28
Papa Ate 1t All.

Coming home to dinner and learn
ing that his wife was out making
calls, the head OF the house notified
the servant that he would have his
dinner at once and alone, presuming
that his small boy, aged 4, would
dine with his mother. The small
boy had q different plan, and, acting
on it, climbed up into his high chair
and waited to be served. The father,
supposing that the young man was
simply keeping him company, gave
him nothing to eat. With a puzzled
expression on his face, the boy saw
the meal disappear-soup meat, and
vegetables-his own plate all the
while empty. AS the servant brought
in the dessert, the boys anxiety
greatly increased, although he said
nothing. But when the last morsel
OF cherry tart had gone out of sight,
the little chap broke down complete
ly. Throwing himself back in his
chair, he cried out to the servant:
"Oh, Mary, Mary, papa has eaten
the whole business" - New York
Times.