The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-05-20
ADVICE TO GRADUATES.
How to Impress the Old Folks With What
They Have Learned.

material furnished by your parents and
guardians; the success OF their Work,
for good or evil, remains TO be seen In
the Iuture.
Your parents have worked hard tor
the money to pay your bills, and that
YOU might MAKE as good appearance as
other and richer mems boys and girls.
You are (Or will be sOon) d Graduate;
you have diploma, pretty piece of
parchment, on which Is written and
printed few Latin, some Greek, and
more English words, the meaning OF
which you cann0t understand. At the
end of your name, the Principal of your
school has written A. B Is. A., ID. D.,
VI. A, or \. M, but what he has done 1t
for heaven and himself only knows.
You have learned to "Laik a heap" to
read, write and spell a little, and some
of you can give all the rules in the
arith netic, and understand them about
as well as n pig does Hebrew. You
know all the rules of grammar ana
composition, but cannot write dozen
lines that WOuld be read by any one.
Some of you girls have learned to play
Il few long pieces Of music, which no
one understands; you have learned to
sing some of Lose wild, weird, operate
airs, which sounds more like mid
night tom-cRt than music. Fortunate
iy for your audience, some OF you break
down before you are half through your
songs and music.
You boys have learned, with the aid
write an essay and deliver somebody
clse's speech, to make GESTURES, paw the
air, and make your audience smile.
You are "through with your studies,'
and now can go home. When you came
to school you were "Sreen"; your
clothes were not of the latest cut; they
hung loosely about your person; you
had 1reckles on your nose, and cOrns on
your hands. HOu boys did not know
how to roll d cigarette, and you girls
| n of {
have learned it all, and arc ashamed ia
tell your schOOl-lnateS that your OLD
daddy wears home made clothes, and
! that your mother makes her own soap
| and has never DeeL i'll city.
You are going home. Your father
will meet you at the little station with
a twO-hors6 wagon. HIS old Wrlnkleu
! and sun burned lace will brighten up
| when ne sees that budding mustache
his old heart Will swell with pride when
| his eyes rest upon that pretty, bright
eyed, grown-up daughter. Don't help
him lift your trunk into the WagOn-he
| you will feel kind o. shaIned, lest some
| body in the car may look out at the
window and suspicion that that Old
| cOdger is your "pa." Maintain dig
niiied reserve towards him. Don't talk
much; and when you do cOnGeSccnd 10
converse with him, use big words; il
dOn't matter, that he does not under
| stand them-it will overawe him with
your superior knowledge. Your moth
| or Will be glad 10 see you when the old
| wagon STOPS at the door. She will be
watching for you, and Will be at the
| gate waiting. The tears will roll down
] her old wealth erbeaten cheeks. She is
proud of you. (DOn't chill her with
YOUR superiority. She will look back
| TO the years when she, too, was young
when he, who il now unhltchluS the
! horse was a strong young man, like
you, her S1n-" hen she, berseif, was q
blooming girl, like YOU, her daughter.
That night they viii lay awake and
| talk about what fine children you are
| they viii not regret the labor and trials
! they have had in bringing you up
| breaIlfast-a cold meal will not hurt
| the "Old folks" They will think you
are tired and need Il little rest. When
| you do get up, put on your good clothes
hunt up the gun, ask about the besl
dogs and the fishing tackle.
Girls, YOU go into the old fashioned
garden, pluck some roses to pin In youl
| hair, and don't offer to do any work-it
will soil your hands. Set up late al
night, enjoying the bright moOnshine
| sit up out the porch and sing wild songs
and dream continually; remind the old
people how stupid the old place is
| You might heave Il big sigh occasionally
mamma may think it is some affair OF
| the heart. Hint about some handsome
| and rich young man. Write the name OF
! some beautiful and accomplished young
| lady on the walls of the cOrn-crib; com
| plain, if you are asked to assist IN the
| household or farm work, that you are
| not able to work, and do not expect tC
| make your home on farm; that yOI
/ are only temporary SojOurners- and
| VIII go hence ut an early date. Educa
| ted people should not work. Besides, i
you begin it they will expect you to dc
! something every day. No matter Whal
| you do, don't work.
| Turn up your educated nose at the baC
grammar of the "old man" and the "olC
woman" You have diploma; always
keep that in mind, and do not fail tC
impress it upon others, Your brothers
| and i'tPrs, who have not had the aG
vantage of an education, must not eX
| pect to be treated as your eqUals-O
course not-what is the use of an educa
ton if it does not raise you above the
| vulgar herd, who should be made tC
| feel the superiority of intellect!
| When you graduate, it Will be Tho
| merry month of June-there will not bt
much to do before September. The ole
! man may then hint to you that he needs
your aid in gathering the crop. OF course
| you are indignant that he should eXpec
| YOU to come down to the level CT 4
| common laborer. Tell him you are no
made of that kind of stuff-that you have
| higher duties in life to perform. Tell hin
| that YOU are in communication will
| Horny ID. Shyster, Esquire, the eminen
| lawyer, for a position in his office to copy
| briefs and study law. "Pa" may ash
! YOU if this ShVSter is the man who, OF
| Il technicality, cleared that man who
| murdered his wife? If he is the same
| man who closed the mortgage on the
| widow Smiths home and turned hel
out of doors? Tell him yes, and thai
| his DreiudiceS against ShySter are un
! fOunded-that he is a successful law
! yer. Ii don't matter if he says Shystel
/ is a cold-hcarted man, who would take
for fee the silver handles off ala OF
! phan's coffin. The old man is dull
| True, he may know a little about jus
tice but about law, nothing. Persuade
| him to let you have Il few more of his
! Aard-earned dollars, 90 back TO the
| city, 90 into ShyStcr'S Office, write lit
! tie. read less, but talk learnediy about
| law; hirt with those silly girls, go tc
| pic-nics, chew tobacco, play pool, and
| get on a regular tare once Il week
! NOu must also learn TO gamble, and buy
regularly ticket in some lottery-you
may make ten strike.
Your father may write you, urging
| you to come back to the farm (ha has
! heard about You being drunk and being
fined so and COST He may tell yoU
THAT "thC professions are full" You
can write him that you know they are
| full, and crowded at the bottom, but a
! the top, whore you expect soon TO be
| there is lots of room. He may feel thai
| YOU lack the brains, but your seeming
| unboundcd ambition may inspire hin
| to turn loose another hundred of his
dollars, which viii enable you to have
a prolonged picnic Shyster will fine
| soon that you are not smart enough to bC
| u tool for him, and viii turn you out o
/ his Office. You will now seek anC
| obtain employment as clerk in Il store
Your shape and style Will assist you
/ but when your boss finds out that yoI
| spend more time before a mirror, ad
! iuSting your cravat and waxing you
/ mustachc. than you do in selling his
| goods, and that YOU don't care whether
or not YOU make Il dollar for him, 81
You draw your salary-that you are il
no hurry to get to your business in tn,
morning, and are in a hurry to GET
away, and that your frequent places O
| i'll repute-that you spend more money
! than You earn-he may call you VI
some evening and tell yOu he can ge1
| along without VOu.
Then you will join base ball club un
til cold weather sets in, and as a last re
sort YOU might get an agency for some
cheap but snowy book. True, you can
not sell the book, but your expenses trav
cling through the country Will not b,
much-the farmer knows your old ia
ther, and for his sake will not charg,
you for nights lodging. You may b,
able to live in this way all winter. Try
it, anyway. You may run your face fo
your board while in town. Some folk
may look upon you as a dead-beat, bu
! a,.a hannp1fry hardened and dom