Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-08-08
JUST FOR FUN.

A man may run in debt, but he sell
dom comes out anything faster than
a walk.
Lord A.-Don't you think you ought
to call me Dear? His American wife
Yes; at any price.
Charles, I am trying as hard as I
can, darling, to get ahead. Clara
Well, the Lord knows you need one
badly enough.
Tourist - Have you any alligator
satchels here? Florida Merchant
N-n-o; the alligators hain't got to
usin' lem down here yit.
Aeronaut Gust alighting on church
spire) -I'd like to have hold of the
fellow who said there was plenty of
room at the top.
Love laughs at locksmiths, she said
to him, encouragingly. Yes, darling,
I know, he replied sadly, but not at
No. II boots.
ooh, Wadsleigh, which way?" eco
ing down to have pair of trousers
pressed Trousers pressed? Where
are they?'' ash! Got 'em onio
Cowbigger-I haven't any change
this morning. just chalk it up. Milk
man-That's too much to ask. can't
afford to waste my chalk that way.
A Forcible Sutton per
sistently) do you keep me wait
f<>z he,
that you are growing older every min
ute!
Mamma-Which of the children hid
my slippers? Nurse Little Johnny
hid 'em, ma'am. Mamma = Then
Johnny is the one who upset the jam
down stairs.
She-I know I'm cross at times,
John, but if I had my life to live over
again, I should marry you just the
same. He-I have my doubts about
that, my dear.
Would you like some garden hose?
said the clerk in the general supply
store No, thanks, was the answer;
I ginally go in barefooted to do my
Weedin'.
At the Seashore She-Are you fond
of driving? He (from the dress goods
department. -Indeed, am. Holding
the ribbons is my favorite occupation
1t was a great Judge of whom anoth-
er English judge said, Infatuated by
his self satisfied aspect, "There e
goes, the old 'umbug, 'umminga lynn.
Ow I ate 'im!''
Sister, don't think that girl you're
engaged to is very pretty. Brother
She is beautiful when she smiles. Sis
ter-Yes, but she won't do much smil
ing after she marries you.
A Western girl who married a dull
English lord, thus described her dali
ly life: cit is nothing but violet, vel
vet and veal one day, and mauve,
MORE and mutton the next
Yaas, said Cholly Chuggins, I be-
lieve in a mans having one idea in
life, you know. Do you really, re-
Joined Miss Bell Pepperton, and when
do you expect to have yours?
Well, John and Laura will graduate
soon. Have they learned anything?
You bet. John can umpire game
without gittin' licked, and Laura's
way ahead of her class in croquet!
Mrs. Foster = My dear, will your
business permit you to go away with
me this summer? Mr. Foster-Eh-no
The truth is, Pm afraid my business
will compel you to stay at home with
me instead.
''Hawkins is very fond of his horse,
isn't hep" ''Why, no; he hates him."
"That's queer. [ saw him riding in
the park the other day, he had his
arms around the animals neck.'
She-There's no poetry in kiss. 1t
is like trunk He-Like trunk?
can always find man to
express it, and it is wiser to check it
if you don't want it to go too far.
Newgrad-Do you know, find that
my university education goes against
me in my endeavors to get on in the
world. Cynicus - Well, why do you
tell people that you have it. They
would never find it out if you didn't
it.