Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1892-11-25

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wasn't q servant in the house; she must
either open the door herself or have her
husband do it, or leave it unopened.
She decided to adopt the husband plan.
She wouldn't have opened it herself for
she was morally certain that she would
be confronted by some heartless mocker
who would shrek with laughter over
her disastrous dinner, and so she called
her husband. That brave man with a
severe face went to the door and opened
It, and fairly shook with rage and Won
der. What manner of refined insult was
this?
Standing before him, smiling as bland
ly as though they had never %grievously
and wantonly wounded him to the quick,
were the men and women he had in
vited to his Thanksgiving dinner! There
was the doctor, fairly bubbling over
with mirth and good humor; and the
sweet singer, with a roll of music under
his arm; and the editor of The Gazette,
pompous in the knowledge that he, and
he only, was the author of that sublime
article, "Whither Are We Drifting?:'
and their wives were with them, and the
other men who had been invited were
there with their wives! 1t was evidently
q conspiracy to humble and crush and
wreck the life Of Theophilus Wardwell.
For a moment he seemed disposed to
slam the door in their faces, but he
arrested the motion of his arm. Then it
looked as though he would turn loose
the simoom of his wrath, but the words
died on his lips, and he ended by invit-
ing them all to walk in, smiling sar-
d%onically, and "every one knew that
some one had Numbered" He led the
procession into the parlor and then call
ed his wife, who joined him in a maze
of bewilderment. And when the guests
were all seated, equally stupefied with
wonder, MI. Wardwell faced them and
said, with magnificent sarcasm:
"Ah! And SO you have come in re-
Spouse to my invitation? l regret to say
that you have come too late to partake
of my turkey or pie, but you have come
in time to teach ME a valuable lesson.
After this, when I want my friends to
call on me on New Years, I'll ask them
to come on Christmas; if l desire to see
them on the Fourth of July, I'll ask
them to visit me ON Easter Sunday, and
when l want a gathering on Thanksgiv-
ing day I'll specify George Washing
toms birthday as the date for the assem-
blage. 49, = 49,
"This is Thursday, ladies and gentle
men. Well, last Friday Mrs. Wardwell
and I had a somewhat wholesome repast
| rronoro6 fcy, xyn11 oil or1 -o vxvos%oJ o-l
waited for your coming until our hearts
ached with disappointment, but we
should have been patient, 1 see; we were
altogether too hasty. If we had only
waited six days longer, you would have
been with us. A trile like six days
would have caused us no inconvenience
whatever, but we were so thoughtless."
Mr.. Wardwell paused for breath, and
the professor took advantage Of the lull
to say:
"There is some gross misunderstand-
ing here. You invited us to eat Thanks
giving dinner with you, and here we
are. But as for me, l did not come to
be insulted."
"You are correct in saying that | in
vited you to come on Thanksgiving day.
Then why, may l ask, didn't you come
on Thanksgiving day?'
"Why," responded the professor. in a
dazed way, 'this is Thanksgiving dayv'
Certainly it is" chorused the doctor,
and the editor, and The musician; "this
is Thursday, Nov. 49,"
mo one questions that" cried Mi.
Wardwell, with bitter irony, "and to-
morrow is Friday, the 9th, and l have
excellent reason to believe that the fol-
lowing day will be Saturday, the 2sth-
in fact, I shouldn't be surprised if Sun
day turned out to be the Goth. But how
do you make out that this is Thanks
giving day? Here is The Gazette, with
the governor proclamation in cold type,
and it reads Nov. 90 Does the govern
or's proclamation count for anything,
or is it merely a vain ceremony-an
empty formality?
Before any n could speak a hollow
groan was heard. 1t came in all it's
intensity from the lips of the editor Of
The Gazette. He wa reclining upon a
lounge, breathing with difficulty. The
doctor rushed to his rescue with a case
VI SuISlCdl luSGI ulueuGS, UuC Gn6 editor
waved him away and moaned:
"Oh, what a misfortune! A madison
upon that bilious, blear eyed foreman
of mine! To think that all this should
come of allowing him to read a proof!
Mr. Wardwell, and all of you,'' he said,
rising to his feet, 1--WE are the victims of
a scrawny printer whom l intrusted
with the governors proclamation and
the reading Of the proof. He placed the
figures 800 where '26' should have been.
Mr. Wardwell made all the
lions on the Goth, and we, who probably
read the proclamation, arranged
to visit him on the Goth. I AN only say
that as the editor Of The Gazette I will
discharge the printer without a recon-
mendation, and that as a man who has
blood in his veins I'll either punch his
head or perish in the attempt
When the EDITORS explanation was
concluded there was an era Of silence.
Then Mr.. Wardwell turned to his. wife
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