The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1892-01-20

lONG-FACED CHRISTIANS.

The Peculiar Ideas Some People Enter
tain of What Christ's Followers Should
BE. |
Yes, be sure and wear a long face.
Look solemn, for you have got
religion" and it is your duty to frown
down everything that is gay and inspir-
ing and of a nature to make people
cheerful. This is vale of tears-a
world of sin and sorrow-and every
right-minded man and woman should
keep before them the vision of their own
tombstone, and sit in sackeloth and
ashes.
Groan constantly in the prayer-meet-
ings. Every body will understand that
you are grooming over the sins of your
friends.
Never laugh. 1t is wicked, and an
evidence of mans dreadful depravity.
Dying men should be sober.
When Sunday comes, put all your
family in the stocks of righteous be-
havior. Don't let the children stroke
the cat or pat the dog 1t is Sunday.
Let every body sit still in their chairs,
and stare at the walls till the church
bells ring. Walk on tiptoe, and speak
in solemn whisper. 1t used to be
law in one of our New England states
that no man should kiss his wife on
Sunday. Of course, you do not need
such a law to teach you to be of sober
behavior.
When the church services are out,
n1 70 tlxy fol n
them over cold beans and weak tea of
death and the judgment Ignore the
love and mercy of God entirely, and
hold Him up as God of vengeance, and
not Of mercy.
If your boys run away and play mar
bles on the street, or go fishing with
bad boys, never think that you are to
blame about it-hasn't your home in
fuence always been good? 1t is chas-
tisement sent upon you to try your
faith.
If your minister should so far forget
himself as to introduce any little anec-
dote in his sermon for the purpose of
pointing a moral, labor with the mis-
guided man to the best of your ability;
and if he persists in such lamentable
conduct get him discharged as soon as
possible.
Don't let your children go to Deacon
Merryheart's. The deacon has got
swing in the grove, and a boat in the
river. and flower garden; and his par
lor is Uttered with the sinful abomina-
ton of newspapers and magazines, and
pictures and stereoscopic views-and it
has been rumored that once upon time
Mrs. Merryheart allowed somebody to
sing Comrades" in the sitting-room,
and to the music of her piano.
And the deacon's children play lawn
tennis, and have been seen romping
with the dog on Sunday; and the dea-
con has been known to encourage in
temperance by giving drunken man
work and half-worn coat, instead of
delivering him over to the police, ''to
be sent up, as he deserved"
Yes. friends, be long-faced, and preach
long sermons to the sinner Pass the
suffering and fallen on the other side.
A man who has got religion" must be
particular with whom he associates.
Don't take the dying Magdalen home to
nurse, and consign her to Christian
burial. Don't give out of your virtuous
pocket-booll money to help inebriate
homes or institutions for unfortunate
women. Remember You have IA charac.
ter to keep up, and no breath of con-
nection with such foul sink-holes of sin
as these should tarnish the whiteness of
your garments.
Forget that Christ healed the sick on
the Sabbath; forget that He said to the
woman: Neither do | condemn thee;'
forget that His mission upon earth was
one of love, and tenderness and mercy
toward all men, forget that Christianity
should make us all better, purer, hap
pier, more cheerful and hopeful, since
it ever points us to home where all
gloom and sorrow shall be banished;
forget all this, and wear your long
face, utter your dismal groans, and
croak over the worlds degeneracy, and
succeed, if you can, in convincing your
friends that you are what you call
yourself-a follower of Christ.-Kate
Thorn, in \. y. Weekly