Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-13
Excl TED,

Claribell-What made Mamie stop in the
middle of her vsledictory!
Felice-She got 80 excited that she swal-
lowed her gum.-New York Herald.
Mercy" exclaimed Mrs. Homespun,
when she read in the paper that Jay Gould
made ten cents every time the clock tick
ed. 'I should think he'd be worried to
death for fear the clock would run down" l"
Boston Transcript.
Dallas-I hear that you proposed to Miss
Testy last night and got refusall Csllous
Well, as to that, she didn't bluntly re-
fuse me; she wouldn't wound my feelings
by doing that, yet the inference of her re-
mark was plain enough-she said if I was
the last man on earth she might consider
it.-Boston Courier.
Knew the Judge.-Magistrate- is
your age9 Rummy Moll-Well, jidge, 1
don't rightly know, but mebby I kin give
you an idear. Magistrate-Give US the
idea, then. Rummy Moll-Well, you was
a grown man wen 1 was a little girl, an
now you air courtin' lady wat was little
girl wen l WAS a grown woman.-New
York Weekly.
A gentleman lately dismissed cleS sr
but dishonest gardener. For the sake of
his wife and family, however, he gave the
uan d CudrdCU6E, 6uO bule 10 NOW uo WIN
ed it: 81 hereby certify that A. B. has
been my gardener for over two years, and
during that time he has got more out of
my garden than any man 1 ever employ
ed."-Dundee Weekly News.
Mrs. Meadow hate to tell you, Mrs.
Suburb, but, really, you ought to know
it. Every time I've run into the city late
ly I've met your husband on the return
train, and every time he was paying
marked attentions to some woman by his
side, and every time it was q different wo-
man. I've seen him with dozen of 'em.
Mrs Suburb (quieuy)-We have been try
ing to get servant girl who would stay
New York Weekly.
At a cricket match one of the best bats
in a certain club turned up SO highly ele-
waited that, as he said, he could ''shee
three batsh and three ballsh." "Never
mind, go in and bang the middle ball, :"
said the captain. He went in, and was
clean bowled first ball. 'Hang it all, you
didn't hit the middle ball" demonstrated
the captain "Yesh, add" replied the
man with the ducks egg, "but hit it with
the outside bat "-Tit-Bits.
A college professor recently dropped into
q prayer meeting in a district where dairy
interests are supreme and heard a gaunt
old dairyman pray as follows: "Help us,
o Lord, TO follow Thee, no matter what
John, Mary, Martha, Bill, Tom, and all
the rest may say. Make US through trains
for the Lord, not stopping at every little
station where they happen to see milk
can put out Don't let MS FIRE blank cart
ridges at the devil, but load mp with shot
and shell. Help us to cut off the corns
and the bunions that keep our feet from
walking in the way of the Lord"
Very stout persons may sometimes be
noticed glancing at other stout persons
with pleased expression that seems to
| say, "Well, am not as stout as that. any
| way" OF, "There is some one who is quite
| as stout as am" Evidently it is a con-
soling thought. The French marshal
| Vivonne once indicated this feeling in a
witty reply to the king. Vivonne and the
Comte d'Auvergne were probably the
most corpulent gentlemen in the court at
the time. Marshal, you are really get
ting too fat" said the king. You ought
to take more exercise" ''Your majesty
does not know, then, that 1 take great
deal of exerciseP' "No. What do you
dol" 81 walk around the Comte d'Au
vergne three times every day."-Tid- Bits