The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1892-08-25
"A LlTT.E NONSENSE

-Iramp-Say, Bill, what Is wrong
with our pard over there; he acts as if
he was queered"
Miss Flash-''What do you think is
woman's hardest trial?" Miss Dash
"A rainy Sunday when she has a new
hat"-N. Y. Journal.
Second Tramp. -''Hush-sh; he was
arrested at the last town and made to
take a bath, and it has touched his
pride. chicago Inter Ocean.
An Indefinite Request.-Baldheade
Customer lin barber shop)-'J want a
hair cut" Affable Harber-"Yes, sir;
which Philadelphia Record
The Bitter Bitten - Glazebrook-
''What do You think Of that cigar?'
Grimshaw-''It's so good am sure you
have given me the wrong one. N. Y.
Woman possesses one good quality
that is entirely lacking in the average
man." What is that?' ''She always
returns borrowed umbrella N. Y.
Press.
Comparatively Tender Now.-Exas-
perated Patron-'Waiter, this steaks
tough" Waiter-"Oh, but you ought
to have seen it three months ago''-N.
Y. Sun.
B. K. Woods-'I want plain we'd
ding ring -''Solid?'' B. X.
Woods-''Well, if we wasn't, guess we
wouldn't hardly be gittin' spliced"-
jewelers. Weekly.
-Yachtsman Ito applicant for captain
of yacht -'Can you swim?' Applicant
MOT stroke, sir.'' Yachtsman-
''All right; I'll hire you; then I'll feel
certain you won't upset her. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
Mrs. Slimson-'My Clara is an
awfully delicate girl; she can't stand
anything" Mrs. Won Biumer-''Neither
can my Maude. She put on sailor
hat the other day, and it made her sea-
sick. Cloak Review.
Don't yez be toired av that police
man yet?" said the upstairs girl to the
cook. Eyes; but can't have any other
company" ''Why?" Because Michael
says if Oh do he'll arrest i'm for con-
tempt of coort Star.
"A Haunted House -Fetherstone-
''Do you believe in ghosts?" Travers-
'Well, for years have been living in q
haunted house." Fetherstone-:You
don't tell me? Who is it haunted by?"
Travers-''By my tailor. "-Clothier and
Furnisher.
An Awful Risk.-Casper Corker-
''Say, Gull If was goin' to kill meself,
I'd take morphine" Jonas Deadbeat-
Don't you never do it." Casper Corker
-'Why not?' Jonas Deadbeat-"A
friend O. mine did it onct, an thew
found i'm an walked i'm eight hours to
bring i'm to!''-Chicago News Record.
-Dallas-"1 hear that you proposed
to Miss Testy last night and got a re-
fusal?" Calious-''Well, as to that, she
didn't bluntly refuse me; she wouldn't
wound my feelings by doing that, vet
the inference OF her remark was plain
enough-she said if was the last man
on earth she might consider it"-Bos-
ton Courier.
After preaching on the occasion of
the rcopening of q restored church, the
bishop thanked the churchwarden. an
old farmer, for his share in the good
work. And l must thank your lord
ship for your sermon" was the reply.
But could not help thinking, as YOU
talked about sin, that your lordshin
must have been little wildish Yourself
when you were young man."-Chris-
tan Register.
Mistress Patty, this can Of
peaches that you put up is spoiled"
PATTY think not, ma'am, it's inst
frothin' q bit, ma'am- There nothing
in it but some hair" Mistress lin con-
sternation, opening the jar and search
ing for specimen locks of Patty's auburn
wig)-'Horrible! hideous! How could
You get hair into the fruit?' Patty
with injured manher>-':Hair, ma'am,
not air" Patty was only year from
En11abd, consequently when she said
rs'+ st's INSANE rit. ana Fire Yesss.