The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-06-05

| that there is nothing like beginning married
life in the right way. No doubt il was to
inculcate this principle that Mr.. Clemens
gave his wife the first taste of his forgetful-
ness on his wedding trip. The couple were
stopping at hotel, and when the time
came for them TO go on in their journey the
young husband went down to the Office to
settle his bill, leaving bis wife upstairs to
tuck few things in their trunk. While
In the office the hack came for the travel
ers. Mr.. Clemens calmly jumped in and
was driven to the station. While walking
up and down the platform he was ac-
costed by friend, who asked after his wife.
my whatp said the man, as much aston
ished as though he had been asked where
his grandmother's aunt was.
why. your wife, to be sure" was the
reply.
"By the four moons Of Jupiter" the
bridegroom cried In sudden CONSERVATION,
" l lett her trying to get my new boots into
our trunk, and / reckon she is at it yet"
In relating this story NJ. Clemens says it
is a great saving to his fo elings to lower the
drop curtain at just this point on the do
mestic tragedy of his wedding tour.
Not long since MIR. Clemens dropped into
a meeting Of literary club of which he is a
member. A continuous rain had left the
streets in bad state of mud and slop, and
on his leaving home his good wife had re-
minded him to turn up the legs of his trous.
ers. So he gave them good, generous
roll, ana walked into the woman's parlor
where the club was entertained with his
trousers above his shoe tops All evening
long he was oblivious to the fact, when just
before adjournment he caught sight of his
feet made a sudden dive that startled the
company, and said aloud: My goodness
gracious My wife told me to turn my
pants down as soon as / got here and for
got all about it, | am evidently a panta-
loon"
The minds Of the brothers move in SINH
lar veins Of humor. Orion Clemens was
called upon in public meeting not long ago
to give his IDEAS concerning the advisable
ity of building an uptown switch. he ros o
slowly and said In his customary drawl:
when was boy was very much afraid
of a switch, but now that | am a man |
think one lie pretty good thing to have"
AT one time MIR. Clemens was clerk OF
the church which be attends. Not being
much of business man, his books got into
a hopeless tangle. So he took them TO the
| auditor, who was also cashier OF a bank,
to get the books Strengthened out. The
next time the two gentlemen met the audi
| tor said: "Mr. Clemens, how do you keep
books. anyway
80, that depends" replied Mr.. Clemens
| 81 keep them until the owners come after
them, and If they don't come Just scratch
mine instead
| 30, don't mean that: mean how do
| you keep the church booksp inquired the
auditor.
1.-THE church booksl Well, 1 put down
everything that l pay out and trust to my
memory for everything that is paid In.
| And, say, Mr. Auditor, If you ever get into
tangle over your bank books just feel per-
fec'ly at liberty to call on me and / will
help you square up your accounts ON the
same plan.n
At another meeting Of the literary club,
| already mentioned, at which the subject
under discussion was "Oratory," Mr.. Glenn
ems kept his audience in commissions of
| laughter by giving them examples of the
oratory and orators that he had heard dur
ing his lifetime. These examples ranged
| from the impassioned utterances of the
| civil war to the debate in the country
school on Resolved, that the broom is more
useful than the dish rag" One example
read like this: 1.-The red man has been
pushed from pillar to post, from mountain
to valley, from river to river and lake to
lake, until the Pacific yawns for him."
| Now commented Mr.. Clemens in that
indispensable Mark Twain drawl, II can't
see, nor you can't see, why the Pacific
| should yawn for those Indians. am we'll
| acquainted with the Indian, and although
know his reputation for laziness Is great,
| yet can VOucn TOT IL bnat up 10 Qate ne Is
not so lazy that he cannot yawn for him
| self"
Mark Twains brother rivals him In con-
versational powers, and at almost every
turn, upon almost any subject, there is a
CLEAN Of humor that fastens his thoughts TO
his hearers mind just as swiftly as the
beam Of light influences an object on a SEN
sitive plate. In speaking Of Julius Caesar
for instance, Mr.. Clemens suddenly CLASH
aes him as "the worlds champion butcher. -
He characterizes William the Conqueror as
being the greatest gambler in corner lots
that ever struck English soil" He disposes
of Chicago anarchists in this way: BETTER
hang those men. Nothing dscourages q
man like hanging" Mr.. Clemens might
make some modest claim to being a poet
He rhymes easily and correctly, and his
verse has that simple accumulation in it
| that made 80 famous Mark Twains literary
nightmare, Punch. Brothers. Punch"