St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1892-05-21
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
A Familiar Facc-M0re Likely Bill
for $1O0-Cold Comfort-Her
Solitary Admirer, Etc, Etc.
A FAMILIAR FACE.

inc East:
Ie-lcs. 1t belongedto clock made
in Connecticut Detroit Free Press.
MORE LIKELY A BILL FOR 800.
Dimling looking up from the news
paper Whcn mendacious reporters con-
coct stories they ought at least to make
them somewhat probable.
TotIing Well:
DimIing-ilere's q paragraph which
says that a poet in Omaha has been
poisoned by handling a 500 bill. y
poet, mind YOU Jester.
COLD COMFORT.
Mr.. Slimpurse Toto tell the truth,
am "a little afraid toto ask your
father for your hand.
Miss Chargit-Oh. YOU needn't worry.
He says am ruinousy extravagont.-
New York Weekly.
HER SOLITARY ADMIRER.
Miss Litehead has a world of con-
cet"
Eyes, she has
elias she any admirers?"
zone when she is awake"
FOR OTHERS, NOT HIMSELF.
"Pennibs looks very seedy these days"
"Ies, but he expects to sell the manu-
script Of the book he is writing for
enough to get him good clothes
"What is the title of his book?'
"'From Indulgence to Affluence, or,
| How to Become a Plutocrat.
"Why doesn't he try some of his
directions on himself? -
"Pshaw. Doctors never take their
own prcscrip tions. - New York Press.
DID NOT FILL THE BILL.
Old Lady-Tnere is one thing I
notice particularly about that young
man who calls to see you. He seems to
have an Unborn, instructive respect for
women. lie treats every woman as
though she was u being from q higher
sphere, to be approached only with the
utmost delicacy and Difference.
Granddaughter sweet eighteen )-I es,
he's horribly bashful.-LNew York
Weekly.
ANSWERING TIE SANE PURPOSE.
Binge-I wish you would try some
alcohol on this coat and see if you can
get some of the spots out.
Mrs Bingo -There isn't any alcohol
left, but you might breathe on it
| [Clothier and Furrier.
SATISFACTORY CONCLUSION.
Mrs. Younghusbani-And you'll let
me spend the money for that purpose
dear:
Mr. Younghusband- need You
ask? Isn't all my money yours, sweet:
Mrs. Younghusband-B But don't help
you earn it, dearest.
Mr. unghusband (tenderly)-No-
er-but you help me to spend it, dar-
ling.
RATS DOG.
"What the deuce did you sell me this
dog for?" exclaimed an irate purchaser,
coming into a fancier's shop.
II don't remember" responded the
dealer politely, "but | think l sold hin
for $40"
"That's exactly what you did, and you
| said he was excellent for rats.
isn't hep inquired the innocent
dealer.
''No, he isn't worth cuss. He lets
them get away from him every time. "
"Well, isn't that excellent for rats
and the dealer asked the question Sc
gulolessly that the purchaser onl y swort
once and walked out Detroit Free
PISS.
SOMEWHAT QUALIFIED.
Little girl-Did you ever see a ghost
Little boy-No.
"Didn't you ever, really?"
"No."
CHATS queer. Everybody has seer
ghosts"
.'Evorybody::'
"Well, don't mean that exactly, Blu
nearly everybody has KIN ,wn people VIII
have heard Of people who have seel
ghosts
| WHAT IT WAS ABOUT.
Neighbor- hat is all that cryin!
about over at your place?
Johnny Peastraw Willie pulled dow
lug of molasses on himself in the pan
try this morning, and ma is combing hi
hair New York sun.
THEY DIFFER.
The poets and the plumbers ways
Are quite of different types,
For, while the former pipes his lays,
The latter lays his pipes.
= Black and White.
ONLY A WAR OF WORDS.
"What's all the trouble up the street:
"Two men quarreling, and it is teare
thew will come to blows
Come to blows There is not tn
slightest danger Of that
"Why not
"Those men are prize fighters
NOT SO ANXIOUS.
Smart Boy-PIease ma am, 1t wa
two minutes after nine when you 60
here. When we re late you a ways keel
us after school.
Teacher we'll. You can al
stay and keep mo after school, if yo'
wish.
Smart boy subsidies. l-LGood News.
NOT MUCH.
Do you see the man with the big bas
drum
And drum stick in his hand
Well, he makes more noise than all tn