Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-12-01
WIT AND lIUMOR.

that comes to pa. = Yonbers Statesnean.
Keep close eye on the man whose
wife is afraid to ask him for money
RAMS Horn.
There's this to be said of fall fashions.
that man never goes down with the
same grace that woman does. PHIL
adeiphia Times.
Charlie Gin raptures) $50 you will
marry met Tell me, do you love me?"
Clara-~No, l don't; but Agnes Muir
ray does, and | hate her."
Yabsley Made any election bets
yet, Mudge?" Mudge-"Only a hat"
Yabsley- Which size, morning or
evening Indianapolis Journal
They say she is very tender
hearted" "Tender hearted. Why,
that woman would rather die of ennui
than try to kill time. IN Y Press.
Edith-"Why did you dismiss Mr..
Goodheart?" Blanche-"O, he got so
he'd rather sit at home and hold my
hand than take me to the theater. y
N. Y. Weekly.
This is an Ideal hand, remarked
the gambler under his breath, as he
dealt himself four aces and the other
fellow quartet of mOnarchs.- Phttd-
deLphia Record.
"What was this man arrested for?"
"Impersonating an officer, yer Honor.
/ saw him take two handfuls of pea
nuts and a banana off corner fruit
stand. . Washington Star.
Thirsty Theodore - Oats tough
luck" Hungry "Wot?" IVY,
| forgot ter wash out this tomaty can
afore | rushed de growler, an | can't
tell wedder l got soup or beer. "-But-
fuIo EIpreSS.
send me pair of Cochin China fowls"
Dealer-~Yes, sir. I'll send them to-
morrow morning, sir" Little Miss
Suburb-"Papa, are they the kind that
lay china ggs?"-G0od NeOS.
The Boston girl never hollers hello"
at the mouth of the telephone. She
simply says as she puts the receiver to
her ear: 81 take the liberty of adj
dressing you via wire surcharged
with electricity" -TeTaS SttJjpgS.
my friends" said the extempore
preacher. who could never find the eX-
act word he wanted, Il wish-er-er-
tO-er-in fact to-er-tO point ont
-er-l-er-er-" After all,
it's only human nature tO-er-err!"
put in wag in the congregation
JWdy.
"Donnerwetter, what sight you
are!" Just as was leaving the house
TO come to the club my wife pelted me
with flowers" But that doesn't ac-
count for your bruised and battered
appearance. You see, she forgot to
take them out of the pots. "-FTiegepde
Biaetter.
Miss Rosseline Dorchester (of Bos-
tom Solomon could not have pos
sessed the wisdom with which he is
usually accredited" Miss Penelope
Biddle (of PHILADELPHIA -"Do tell?"
mo, because spectacles were not in
vented in Solomon'S time. "-PhiLndei-
pIIia Press.
THAT man that just moved in next
door is drinking man, just know"
said Mrs. Cadet to her caller. Why,
have you ever seen him intoxicated?"
"N-nO, never have; but when asked
his wife if he ever got tight she told
me it was none of my business. "-I~-
djan@pottS J0uE2tai.
The Rev. DR.. Drowsie by the way,
] observed on Sunday last that you
got up suddenly and left the church
before my sermon was over. was
deeply panied. and hope you can offer
some explanations" Theological Stu
dent %, YES, sir; ever since | was a
boy | have been a somnambuliss."-
LYt.
Eastern Man What! You want
$1,000 for lot in the suburbs of Dug
out City? Why, can buy better lots
close to New York for that" Kansas
Boomer-"Oh, well, if YOU are willing
to 90 out, can sell YOU Is at the
same price and You won't have to 90
al the way to New York for them
either. ~ Y Weekiy
Witherby-"Is this true, old man,
that your wife has left you?" Uppe-
late (sadly)-"I am afraid it is, old
fellow" Witherby why, what is
the trouble; or is it something YOU
don't want to talk about'" UppeIate
-"Oh, no; it's no secret. She said
alone. ~. T. Sun.
To-day" said the preacher. I'VE will
take up a collection to defrav the fun
erai expenses Of our late missionary to
the heather" But didn't the heather
eat him?" asked Il doubtful deacon.
They did replied the preacher, land
that's what makes it so expensive
We've got TO bury six heather to make
one funeral. "-.Spare Moments.
Fogg- Charley, you were born to
be writer" Charley (blushing with
conscious pride) You have seen
some of the things have turned OFF,"
Fogg No; | wasn't referring to what
you have written. | was thinking
what 8 splendid ear you had for car
rying pen. Immense, Charley; simp-
ly immense"- Boston Transcript.
"Who are you?" asked the Kentucky
gentleman at the sceance. Your
grandfather, answered the spirit.
mo, you ant" said the Kentucky gen
tleman. Il smell rye whisky on your
breath. My grandfather never drank
anything but corn whisky in his life,
and | don't believe he would 90 wrong
after his death. "-I1di0nap0tiS Jour-
nal
City Editor-"Can't you find a new
adjective and avoid this constant allu-
sion to people dying at green old
age?" Obituary Writer-"rn try.
Suppose l make a distinction and APP
ply the term green old age to those
between s. and 80; ripe old age to
those between 90 and 100. and mention