St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-04-11
SAW THE ELEPHANT.
A Farmer Sees the Usual Thing
in Night i'm the City.

'Hiram Stiff is not what might be
called a pretty name. but it was sug-
gestlve one when it appeared on the ar
rest tab at central station Friday. with
the charge drunk" written on the OPP
posite line. The circumstances that
brought Hiram into misery are woeful
in the extreme, though only what often
Details an unSuSptcting farmer Who
wants to see what toxin life is ike.
Hiram is tall. cadayerous individual
who left his home Oh farm in Maine to
locate in Kansas, where some friends
had preceded him. His route was via
st. Paul. and as one of his aunts at hOme
has cousin living in this city, I've de
cided TO stop off for day
and hunt the relative up. He
registered at good hotel, and, being OF
conZenial nature. formed an acquaint
enceShlp at the supper table with q
stranger whose brother once lived in
Kansas near the county that Hiram was
TO live in, and alter supper the two left
tile hotel III company To look up the
aunt's cousin. La the course OF the
search they StrolIed into one OF the con
cert gardens on East Seventh street
The beer and music were attractions
for Hiram. and he stayed late, and
while he listened To the singing of a
dark-haIred young lady, who seemed tO
smile upon Inn from the corners OF her
eyes, he forgot all his object in ST. Paul.
Hiram was something of singer
himself, and when the concert was
over, great was his JOY to be favored
with an introduction TO the young
woman he had admired so much. who
took seat at his table and permitted
him 10 buy liquid refreshments as often
as he felt inclined. This was quite ire
9uent, for Hiram was nothing if not
good-natured. When the lights were
PUT out and it was time for late loterers
TO leave the hall, his fair companion
suggested that a hack ride in the SOFT
mellow light OF the moon would be per
fectiy lovely. Hiram thought so too. as
he had imbibed just enough OF the
ruby wine to appreciate such thing,
Notwithstanding the hack fare for a
man of Hiram's guileless nature was s.
an hour. The story of his adventures
might be made much longer, but
suffice it to say that after the hack
ride there was more wine, and that
IN the early gray OF morning Hiram
Stiff awoke from dreamy Stuper, Stih
in every limb. to find himself alone Ina
wine stall. Some empty bottles and a
ldlt -oIilOhtu ClGdItltt WtIc HIS Oul1
company. The fair singer had gone
and left him to his own reflections. His
head ached, but the pain was nothing TO
the one in his heart. An then whta he
drew out 4 great leather pocketbook
from his inside vest pocket and found
that nearly one-half his wealth lhad
vanished in that one nights dissipation,
his misery was complete. He tea 90
mean and detected and had such dark
red taste OH his tongue that he toOk,akt
other drink. This did not seem tofallay
his thirst, and he called for one
more. All day Friday he meandered
about the streets and delyed deep
and often in the flowing bowl
trying to forget his disagrceable self.
Late in the afternoon he became excess
lively tired and stupid, and sought eata
couch in All alley. He was slHmbsring
sOundly. and dreaming OF slipping wite
with Patti when found by a policeman.
who with three policemen put blu. INTO
the patrol wagon, AMI Hiram Stiff WAS
brought to the police station and carried
up stairs stiff drunk. Yesterday he
paid fine Of $40, and with his deplen-
ished eXchequer went on 10 Kansas. His
folks on the farm in Maine and his rela-
tives here will not know of his presence
in ST. Paul unless they should read this
narrative. which 1t may be wise TO say
is true in all but the fictitious nalne
which was charitably registered at tie
station for him by Clerk Morton.
The tree of experience has at least one
branch the fruit OF which will remain
untouched by Hiram Stiff. There have
been many Hiram SttfS, there will be
many more, but the concert garden
singer has no charlHS III tile fut ure for
this PARTICULAR Hiram.