The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-06-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


The man who dyes his hair has learned
the secret of keeping things dark.
"Laugh aud the world laughs with
you, or wants to know what you are
grinning at.
An athletic record is the only thing
that improves by breaking. Bingham
ton Republican.
Don't talk about youreelf in company
lit can be done much more satisfactorily
after you have left.
Life may be stage, but is more like
courthouse from the fact that it is full Of
rials.--Elmira Gazette.
Philanthropy now demands the culture
of species of sha1 that shall be bone.
less. .--Pittsburg Dispatch.
A man who sells clocks cannot be
blamed for being occasionally behind the
time Washington Star.
"That's an angel of house!" said she.
mot quite he replied. at only has
one wing."-Harpers Bazaar.
Brigga-"Do you think that Robinson
loves herr" Griggg-"Hc went shop
ping with her. Cloak Review.
al guess that must be Watchdog"
remarked Tommy, ''for his tail begins
to tick whenever you speak to him.
Judge.
A petrifed ham has been found in an
Indiana field. This is the first supply Of
Oil City Derrick.
Manager-"l'll engage you for trial
season." Actor-"Before accept I'll ask
you for a trial advance of salary. -
Fliegende Blaettor.
"Oh, yes, ours is hard business"
said the dressmaker. "lt's snip and
tuck with us all the time, you know
Harvard Lampoon.
1t is curious how much faster street
car humps along when you are running
after it than when you are riding on it.
Richmond Recorder.
A Bath truckmau, who owns two
horses, has named one McGiuty aud the
other Aunie Rooney, both being chest.
nuts.-New York Sun.
A girl of sixteen walks as if she owned
Tue Nullilt ullu ulNNl SllG lll0 bStll luul-
lied few years she walks as if she were
carrying it on her shoulders. .-Atchison
| Globe.
$50 that young heiress has promised
to marry you" "Yes, in three years."
"ls'nt that a long while to waltz" at
may be, but she's worth her wait in
| gold. Washington Star.
The old, old story before marriage has
three words in it; al love you.' The
old, old story after marriage has the
same number, to wit; "Wanted-a
cook. New York Mercury.
Wife-"Here's something new and
nice-an advertisement of "a folding
baby carriage" Husband (absently-
"That is a novelty. But | never saw
folding by."-Pittsburg Bulletin.
Prudent Mother-''I trust, my dear,
that you do not encourage young men in
their attentions" Daughter-"Oi,d dear
me; no. l threaten to tell you every
time any one OF them kisses me. New
York Sun.
Mrs. Pancake (wearilO-"lts as true
as gospel-woman's work is never
done" Mr.. Skye Parlor-"Aheml
Judging from the beelsteak, ma 'am,
should say that it is sometimes too much
done. "-Harper's Bazaar.
az observe, James," said the Boston
employer, "that you say 'eether' aud
'neether'. Are you not aware that such
is not our pronunciation Of those words"
at doesn't seem to me, " replied the boy
from New York, despondently, "that
you ought to expect me to say 'eyether'
and 'nyther' on a salary of sixteen dol
lars month. Chicago Tribune.
Quester-"Do you call DR.. Rauter a
man who, as preacher, is eminently
fitted to his caling2" Jester-'Well,a las
to that, he reveals elements of fitness aud
unftness." Quester-"Please explain
your meaning" Jester-"Why, as
pulpit orator he is a failure; but judging
from the number of people l observe
no lding in his church during a discourse
/ should assume him to be a great COM
poser boston Courier.
Waggle-"Yos, it's all up with me
and Miss Sweeteigh. she got miffed
about something or other aud sent back
all my letters" Wiggle-"That was
bad.' Waggle-'I thought so for
awhile, but it was a blessing in disguise.
I've got another girl now, and when l
write just copy one of my old letters to
Miss Sweetleigh. Just as good as a new
one, you know, and 1t is such a saving
on the brain tissues. - Boston Tran
script.
A clergyman ia Minneapolis was late
ly called upon TO oflicate at very fash
ionable wedding. After the service was
performed the happy groom called him
TO one side and asked "what his charges
were The minister replied that he
was not in the habit of makiuga a charge.
"Well, replied the groom, al will call
and see you later" The happy groom
called the next week and presented the
reverend gentlemen with dozen sticks
OF chewing gum,-Homiletic Review.