Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-03-03
TEA-TAELE SALAD.

The astronomer who has made tele-
scopic discovery is naturally proud of
his good looks Washington Star.
WE never realize the value of a jewel
until we try to pawn it. Come to think
of it, we don't then.-IndianapOhs Jour-
nal.
SHOCKED LADY--"Do you know what
becomes of little boys that swear ?"
Little Boy-"Yes'm. Wen they gifts big
'nough they kin earn two an half
day drivin' team. Good Meas.
IN the rain
With her train
While the other holds tn umbrella.
I'LL old Boreas, naughty fellow.
Blows blast.
Then it hops,
And 1t drops,
And it Says,
And it drags.
And it gathers gathers. gathers
All the sticky slime that fathers
Pavement. crossing till, oh. lud
She's another name for mud.
Gloves are spoiled,
Temper broiled
High day hey-day, II is plain
The train now ways the lady
And the lady not the train.
TIE PRoHIB1TIoN1sT-My poor, deluded
friend, why do you not disassociate
yourself from the demon rum? The
Poor Deluded-D'you( hic) 'spect man
t. be able t take Kelley treatment on
IS a week wages Indianapolis Journal.
EcoNoMIzING: Husband-Have you
done your best to economic this month,
Mary, as | requested: Wife brightly
oh, yes; | spoke to the grocer, the
butcher and the landlord and got them
to put off presenting their bills till next
month.-New York Press.
THE United States courts decide that
Agnes Huntington's costumes are tulles
of trade -Boston Herald.
"WnEN Washington was President he
had magnificent state carriage" II
believe So" 'But when he was at his
cherry tree age he was satisfied with a
hack. "-Life.
P>r-"Twas the devil av blow the
dago gave yer. Yer wuz near kilt"
-"Begorra, / wish l had died
that l NOTE see the villain hung"
Yale Record.
JUDGE Plaintiff says you knocked out
one of his teeth. What have you to say
in defence? 1t was hollow tooth
he would have it pulled soon anyhow"
-Fzieqe,sde Blaeter.
PATIENT-"Shall I take this medicine
before or after eating?" Doctor-"That
depends on what you eat. Ifyou think
your food is unhealthy you might take
it afterward. "-Neao York Herald.
The choir of a Western church re-
signed the other day because in the
course of his sermon the preacher re-
must be converted, and they under
stood him to say singers"
POLICE CoMM1ssIoNER-"Wh assur-
hot nj al
ways be on hand when fight was go
ing on ?" O'Toole-"Oi have allus
been very fond of 'em, yer Hanor."-
Puck
"LEss see, there's five of us, now how
much are you going to charge ?" asked
a countryman with his family, as he got
on a cable car. "Well, think quar-
ter would be fare" replied the conduc-
tor.-Philadelphia Record.
"IoU have got two sopranos, in your
choir, believer Yes both fine vo.
calists." ''You should have some good
music with two such singers" eyes;
plenty of harmony when they are sing
ing, but lots of disco1d when they ANTI
-Ne,r York Press.
Johnnie, / heard that you
were bad boy at school to-day. bid
you break some rule and the teacher
had to whip you?" Johnnie-"No, pa
pa; l didn't break any rule, but the
teacher she hit me so hard that, she
broke her'n. "-Harcard Lampoon.
Mr.. McSLuGGER otly)-"Phwat for
d. yez make them lynn cartoons av tn
campaign in Orlando" Cartoonist-
''These my friend, are not cartoons,
but photographs. / took them myself"
Mr.. McSlugger (meditatively)-"Oi'll
~ 10 ID
Puck.
CONGRESSMAN BRICK-"What " got
that committee closed in you room for ?"
-s-h. They're doctors whom I've en-
gagged to invent bi-chloride of silver
cure. We mustn't let these gold peo-
pie get the start of us."-New York
World
The average epitaph is apt to be too
epitaffy Union County Standard.
No Irishman has ever been satisfied
with French duel.--DdUds News.
TIE more worthless man is when be
leaves town, the greater the probabili-
ty that he will come back --1tchiso,a
Globe.
THAT" said the editor as the youth
with the rhymes slid down the stair
way, lis the motion of poetry. y Wash
i1eqton Star.
Him prize-fghter - exclaimed the
pugilist in tones of scorn. "W'y, can
lick i'm with both jaws tied. '-In dianap-
ois Journal
WE learn that the popular monetary
institution known as the 'sawbuck" is
pursuing the even tenner of it's way
Binghamton Leader.
If there is any danger lurking in the
cigarette, the user thereof would natur-
ally like to be permitted to smoke it
ut.-Phiiadelptia Times.
You've STUDENT PHYsICIAN-(to char
ty patient)-"I think you must have
-a-some kind of fever, but our class
has only got as far as commissions. I'll
come again in week. Archaeological