Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-06-14
a NfW ANTaMus WAND STORY.

persinage between il. j. byron, the
drsmatfst, and Artemus Ward, that u
worth recalling. Tho two mcu had
only met once before at Q Savage club
dinner, and one night, at thc cafe, Ton
Robertson, the author of "Caste," sug-
gested 20 Artsmus 10 havs q tllt with
byron, and, u posslble, draw him out.
The genial Snowman had only been In
England . few weeks, bat he knew
Byrou's brilliant power OF chafiinR aud
went for Hun In thls fashion.
81 fancy I've seen . face like you're
before. did you ever have = brother
Alonsor'
I.obertson Was behind Artemus, aud
winkci nj byron.
"Alas, had" replied thu dramatist,
Instantly catching the situation.
"Ile Was . mariner engaged on the
deepy'
THAT'S co."
"You haven't heard Of him for i've
ycarsr'
byron Affected TO he Lost In reflection,
and deliberately replied:
"lt's i've years ago this very day.
How curious you should mention u. slr."
"well cir, pursued Artemus, taking
out hls handkerchief, and affecting tn
wire away q tear, ~ sailed the salt sea
With your brother. We we're wrecked
In the Gulf of Mexico, and before help
came ! killed and ate him. The
moment ! set eyes on YOU ! recognized
the likeness. lie MAS q good fellow, full
o. tender feeling"
elm glad YOU found him tender" In.
tsrrupted byron, also pulling out his
handkerchief.
"But sir. I'm awfully sorry ate him, !"
pursued Artemus, In the most lmpcr.
turbable fashion. "llAd I known !
should ever meet hl. brother, I'm surr
I'd gone without food some weeks long
er. Hut ! was driven to 10, aud You
forgive me. won't your I liked Alonso,"
aud he offered his hand 10 byron, which
the latter shook With cordially.
Excuse my emotion, won't youf'
gs.ped byron. Ia hls handkerchief. "lle
never wrote aud told me what had be-
come Of him, I hopc be- agreed With
YOU"
~ slight indigestion afterwards. lie
Was little tough" replied Artsmu.,
"but we'll not speak ~ that. We both
Il
her, slr, the Law cannot touch me now.
II WAS stern nccessity. and Necessity, ~
YOU may have heard, knows no Law.
Hut ] am wlllin. To pay you damage.
for the loss"
"Don't mention t."
about what would YOU think q fair
compensation
IL VAS liyron's turn To "cblp In at
chafilng," a. the American. say, aud
pay Artemus In al. own coin.
Il think your name 10 Wardr'
ayes"
".irtemus wardt"
"ksrcct."
"lou had a fstherY'
II had"
"IIe was Yankee pe,ldlcr In al. own
country va. he bott sold bug-plyeu,
fine tooth combs, aud such Ike notions,
shy''
you've hl, the comb-i mean the
naii-on the head"
"IIe died In the Black Country IL
England. did he nott''
'lie did"
"weli, I killed him. I knew YOU
we're hi. son the minute laid eyes gu
you. lie Was nice old gentleman,
and ] made his acquaintance Ia stafford
.hir,. lie wished Ia 90 down q deep
coal mine, so dill I and W. went dosn
together. had q good time, explored,
lunched With the miners, drank morr
than WAS good Tor u., aud proceetied Ia
mother earth. After you've been down
q mine you're fond ~ your mother,
can assure you. The prodigai son felt
nothing Ia What experienced. Hut "a
proceed. We entered the huge hsske,
and we're being drawn slowly toward.
the mouth ~ tile pit, when I saw the
old rope VAS about "a snap under the
strain. II was q pcriiou., a horrible, q
critical moment. The weight ~ two
men was too great, aud your father Was
broad bulky man. self-prc.ery,tion
u the flrst Law ~ nature. An Instant
mOre. and both we're lo.t. We seemed
up be about nifty feet from the top.
hastily called your fathers attention On
something. imploring him, In fact. to
look down the mine. lie did 81. when !
gently tipped him over, aud be went
~hirling, and crashing towards the bot
tom. IL WAS rough on him. but I saved
myself. ! ciphercd Il out on the In.
slant like thi. lie Ia an old man, near
" bald, deaf Ia one ear, two teeth gone
In front, With only few year. "a live.
] am half hi. age, strong aud healthy,
father Of . young family, with q career
before the, q comedy to finish for he
iIsymsrket, aud . burlesque scceptrd At
the strand. Nov ask you, under the
circumstances, did I not behave nobly r.
"lou did, YOU did" .obbcd Artemu.,
~ would have acted that way myself. %
~ am glad to Ind you so Intelligent.
You ate my brother aud found him
tough, aud ! sm Oh. assassin of your
dear old father, - continued byron, keep
ing up the farce of emotion. ave arr
both avenged. lat us draw q veil over
the past, aud never allude a. these he ,rt-
rcnding incidents again"
Agreed. We cry quits. shake -
roar-d Artemus, extending both hands,
and dramatically dsshlng q food of lmsg.
mary tears from his eyes. Then he
summoned the waiter, ''gi,..cs round"
were ordered, aud everybody laughed al
the faclle, ready manner, In which the
two men had conducted their exiempor.
chat. The dramati.t aud the genial
Ariemus were ever after devoted friends.