Arizona republican., 1892-11-20

She wouldn't have opened 1t herself, for she was morally certain that she would be confronted by some heartless mocker who would shriek with laughter over her disastrous dinner, and so she called her husband. That brave man with a severe face went to the door and opened it, and fairly shook with rage and won der. What manner of refined insult was this?
 Standing before him, smiling as bland- ly as though they had never grievously and wantonly wounded him to the quick, were the men and women he had in- vited to his Thanksgiving dinner! There was the doctor, fairly bubbling over with mirth and good humor; and the sweet singer, with d roll of music under his arm; and the editor of The Gazette, pompous in the knowledge that he, and he only. was the author of that sublime article, "Whither Are We Drifting% and their wives were with them, and the other men who had been invited were there with their wivesl It was evidently a conspiracy to humble and crush and wreck the life of Theophilus Wardwell.
 For a moment he seemed disposed to slam the door in their faces, but he arrested the motion of his arm. Then it looked as though he would turn loose the simoom of his wrath, but the words died on his lips, and he ended by invit- ing them all to walk in, smiling sar- donically, and "every one knew that some one had blundered." He led the procession into the parlor and then call ed his wife, who joined him in maze of bewilderment. And when the guests were all seated. equally stupefied with wonder, MT. Wardwell faced them and said, with magnificent sarcasm:
 "Ahl And so you have come in re- sponse to my invitation2 regret to say that you have come too late to partake of my turkey or pie, but you have come in time to teach me valuable lesson. After this, when want my friends to call on me on New Years, I'll ask them to come on Christmas; if desire to see them on the Fourth of July, I'll ask them to visit mo on Easter Sunday, and when want gathering on Thanksgiv- ing day I'll specify George Washing tons birthday as the date for the assem- blaze.
 This is Thursday, ladies and gentle men, Well, last Friday Mrs. Wardwell and had a somewhat wholesome repast prepared for you all, and we waited and waited for your coming until our hearts ached with disappointment, but we should have been patient, see; we were altogether too nasty If we had only waited six days longer, you would have been with us. A trifle like six day would have caused us no inconvenience whatever, but We were so thoughtless. !"
 MT. Wardwell paused for breath, and the professor took advantage of the Hull to say:
 "There is some gross misunderstood ing here. You invited us to eat Thanks giving dinner with you, and here we are. But as for me, l did not come to be insulted."
 "You are correct in saying that 1 in vited yon to come on Thanksgiving day. Then why, may l ask, didn't you come on Thanksgiving dayY
 "Why," responded the professor, in a dazed way, "this is Thanksgiving dayr
 Certainly it is," chorused the doctor, and the editor, and the musician: "this is Thursday, Nov. 26."
 "No one questions that" cried MT. Wardwell, with bitter irony, land to- morrow is Friday, the 27tll, and have excellent reason to believe that the fol lowing day will be Saturday, the 28th- in fact, shouldn't be surprised if Sun day turned out to be the 29th. But how | do you make out that this is Thanks giving day? Here is The Gazette, with the governors proclamation in cold type, and it reads Nov. 20.' Does the govern or's proclamation count for anything, or is it merely valn ceremony-an empty formality?"
 Before any one could speak hollow groan was heard. It came in all its intensity from the lips of the editor of The Gazette. He was reclining upon a lounge, breathing with difficulty. The doctor rushed to his rescue with case of surgical instruments, but the editor waved him away and moaned;
 "Oh, what misfortunel A madison upon that bilious, blear eyed foreman of mine! To think that all this should come of allowing him to read proof! Mir. Wardwell, and all of you," he said, rising to his feet, ''we are the victims of scrawny printer whom l intrusted with the governors proclamation and the reading of the proof He placed the | figures '20 where '26' should have been Mir. Wardwell made all the prepara- tions on the goth, and we, who probably never read the proclamation, arranged to visit him on the 26th. can only say that as the editor of The Gazette I will discharge the printer without recom- mendation, and that as man who has blood in his veins I'll either punch his head or perish in the attempt"
 When the editors explanation was concluded there was an era of silence. Then MT. Wardwell turned to his wife with a ghastly smile and said
 Rachel, is there anything to eat in the house"
 Scarcely thing"
 "Ladies and gentlemen, will you aS-