davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
A Vegetarian Dog.

'tI don't knew this of my own kuowl-
edge" said L. d. Fender, of the Hotel
Metropolc, "but have every reason for
believing it. This is the way it hap
pened. A man who has been u customer
OF mine for several years brought his
wife's dog in here a month ago. He said
the animal was sick. 1t looked it. 1t
was eaunt, rawboned dog of mixed
breed and great personal homeliness.
"Now, l can't treat dogs here. have
the medicines, but don't know how to
apply them, so 1 sent him to n vetcr.
marian. About q month ufterward the
man came in and told me all about it. 1t
appears that he bought the dog over in
Suffolk Coonty from n deacon in a local
church. They had stopped with the
deacon last summer, and he promised
that he would send their son dog rs
soon rs he could find nice one. When
this dog came the man nearly fell off his
chair. The dog was more than he ex-
pected. lie made friends with him for
his boys sake, and all went well until
they discovered that the dog wouldn't eat,
and yet he managed to keep in reason
ablJ good condition.
"After he had been to sec me and had
gone to the dog doctor, he turned the
dog loose in his back yard one morning
and watched him. To his establishment,
Deacon, that was what they called him,
made ut once for basket that the
grocer had just brought in. 1t had
greens, radishes, tomatoes aud some
green peas in it. Deacon went for them
all impartially and ravenousy. You
would think that he had never eaten any.
thing before. That set my customer
thinking, and he wrote to the deacon
about the matter. The deacon replied
that everything was all right. He had
forgotten to mention that he himself had
recently become convert to the vege-
tartan creed and that the dog had fol-
lowed him into that belief, being a
puppy at the time and having to cat
vegetables or starve.
My customer kept Deacon for week
or so, testing him carefully, and then
sen thin back to Suffolk County" New
York News.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
Baby and Collie.

A gentleman in southern Connecti.
cut not long ago brought homo
collie dog, which, after the fashion OF
Its kind, soon made itself one OF the
family, and assumed special RESPONSE.
bi.ities in connection with the Young.
est child, little girl three years OF
age.
One day the gentleman, returning
from n drive, as he neared the house
noticed the dog in pasture separated
from the road by a stone wall. From
behind this wall the collie would
spring up, bark. and then jump down
again, constantly repeating the per-
formance
The man left his horse and went to
the spot. There he found his little
girl seated on stone, with the collie
keeping guard beside her. The intel
ligent animal wagced his tail, and
parked his delight at seeing his mas
ter.
In the light snow the path taken
by the child and dog could be plainly
seen, and as the father traced it back
he saw where the little girl had
walked several times around an open
we'll in the pasture. Close to the brink
were prints of the baby shoes, but
still closer, on the very edge of tho
well, were the tracks of the collie,
which had evidently kept between
her and the well.
The faithful creature seemed to
know that upon him lay the rcsponsiH
bility of keeping the child from ter
riblc death.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
whiskcr Probabilities,

BARRIERS, who have to be silent S.
much OF the time, have taken t.
writing their Jokes, like other WITT
people.
"Do you think I-aw-shall have ,
good beard?" asked an unpromisins
candidate for such honors.
I'm afraid not, SIR" answered the
barber, after close inspection.
Jaw, weally. My fawther has aW
VERY fine beard, you know"
Maybe you take after your nam.
ma, sir!"-Nationa Barber.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
ANpnILosopnIcAL LITTLE HEAD.

Young Wife-"Dear me! I put that
plaster of paris in an old baking powder
can; and now don't know which is
the baking-powder and which is the
plaster"
Husband-"What do you want to
do?"
~ want to mend lamp"
"Well, you can only tell by expert
menting."
"Of course. Why didn't l think of
that9 will make two sponge cakes, and
put one in one and the otner in the
other. Puck.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
a aEAurlFuL DISPLAY.
Tho Gorgeous Exhibit of Flowers a. the
Columbian Exposition.

columbian ExpostuOn.
Tho display Of flowers and fruits at
tho Worlds Fair will DO beautiful be-
You'd description and will surpass all
previous ones. 1t will play most I'm
portant part In the adornment OF tho
grounds, and will be attractive to nil
classes-to the scientific visitor on ac-
count Of its educational value, and to
the ordinary observer owing to its or
namental features. This exhibit Is to
be seen In almost all parts OF tho
grounds, but tho most beautiful and
valuable plants and fruits will be found
In the horticultural Building. which Ia
to DO 09S feet in length, with IN OK
tremo width OF 800 feet. Its plan Is o
central pavilion with two end pavilions,
h. each connected with 1t by front and rear
curtains, forming two interior courts
each IS by 2T0 fcot. Surrounding tho
central pavilion is II beautifully proper
toned dome, 1877 foot In diameter and
lis feet high.
In tho south pavilion will be an OK
hibit Of wines. the finest tho world has
ever seen. Already thirty-threo for
elgn countries have applied for space in
this department. In the rear part OF
the building will DO tho finest exhibit,
embracing specimens of every known
species In tho world. These will DO, M
Tar as possible, natural fruits In primo
condition. Where this is impossible
perfect wax approximations will DO sub
stitutcd.
The Horticultural exhibit will DO very
large. For this very extensive prcpara-
tons have already been made. Tho
Towering plants have to DO brought to
tho grounds In season TO havo all Of the
ill-eifects OF ransplnntntion and trans-
pOrt0tion overcome before tho exhibit
is opened TO tho public. Moro than
100000 shrubs and plants nro already
growing in tho grounds. Ono entire
island, embracing between fifteen and
sixteen acres. will be devoted to horti-
cultural displays. nnd will DO the most
attractive spot of any connected with
tho exposition.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
RIGHT AT ROME.

Within : mile or two of one OF the
smaller towns of Nova Scotia there re-
sided for number Of years gentleman
by the name of Quagmarsh. He was a
very eccentric old fellow, and though
rather taciturn by nature, when he did
have anything to say it was generally
cogent and to the point. Soon after
coming to M, Mr.. Quagmarsh in.
vested several thousand dollars in the
purchase of an utterly worthless farm,
which the owner, member of the
ubiquitous family of Brown, represented
to him as veritable Garden of Eden.
Now farming on piece of land that
has little drainage, either natural or ar
titicial, lacks the elements of success.
People therefore were not surprised
when, after n couple of years of Jealous
hard work, the planter assigned, gave
up farming as profession, and accented
an agency in large insurance business.
A short time after these events Quag-
marsh happened to meet tue author of
all his woes.
"Mr. Brown, didn't you say that farm
you sold me was particularly well
drained:'' said he.
"Ah. yes; but, you see, the late
rains"
"And that it was the best farm in the
neighborhood for raising oatsa"
Eyes, believe did say something
like that, though the oat crop varies
greatly"
"And that the soil was specially
adapted for potatoesi'
$50 it was at one time; but every soil
requires change Of diet, so to speak"
"And that it was entirely free from
rocksa"
swell, not entirely"
Sand that you were accustomed to
raise seventy barrels of apples and from
twenty to thirty tons of hay annually"
"Oh, I admit that was an exaggcra-
ton"
"Well, Mr.. Brown, 1 won't call you n
liar, but if were to see you coming
down the street with Ananias on one
side of you and Sapphira on the other,
would say that you were in the bosom
of your family. "-Harpcr's Monthly.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
a PROGRESSIVE coNuxDRuM.

ssAi:ss Oracle, he 81 d, with an en-
gazing smile, "did you ever try your
hand at one of these progressive conun-
drumsT"
"What is O progressive .conundrum,
Mr.. Spoonamore2' inquired the young
LADY,
is ball of yarn like the letter 't2' Be-
cause ball of yarn is circular, a circu-
lar is sheet, II sheet is fiat, fat is $45
month, S45 month is dear, deer is
swift, swift is shallow, swallow is
a taste, taste is an inclination, an to-
clination is an angle, an angle is point,
a point. is an object aimed ut, an object
aimed at is a target, target is mark.
mark is an impression, an impression
is stamp, stamp is thing stuck on,
a thing stuck on is young man in love
and young man in love is like the let
ter It. because he stands before .u,' Miss
Oracle"
III don't think you have the answer
quite right" said the young lady. "a
ball of yarn is round, a round is a steak,
q stake is wooden thing, wooden
thing is u young man in love and n young
man in love is like the letter st because
Mr.. Spoonamore, and she spoke clearly
and distinctly, "because he is often
crossed"
J. The young man understood. He took
Nis hat and his progressive conundrums
Ehd vanished from Miss Oracle CARING
houses alphabet for Chicago TTi.
bune.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
ONE ENJOYS

Both the method and results when
Syrup Of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys-
tenn eilectually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is tho
only remedy Of its kind ever pro-
duced, pleasing to the taste and nc
ceptable to tho stomach, prompt In
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in 600
and 81 bottles by all leading drug.
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro.
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. DO not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO..
san fRhHCiSCO. CAL.
LOUISVILLE. kr. NEW YORK. ny.
pEaaA
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
Found $50 In n r.orso.s Hon,

Something out of the drift of events
common is graciously furnished by
the narrative Of blacksmith, plying
his hammer and bellows on Chestnut
street, near Thirtieth. The brawny
son of Vulcan relates that while
shooting an indifferently constructed
horse few days ago he came across
2 gold double eagle imbedded in the
boot OF the Observation-Disclosures
Record. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES - =.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
SCIENCE TO THE RESCUE.

Housekeeper-"Ha any way been
discovered to kill the pests that destroy
carpets"
Grelt Scientist-"Yes, madam. Take
up the carpets, hang them on line, and
beat them with heavy stick"
"Will that kill the insectsa"
eyes, madam, if you hit them. New
York Weekly.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
A PECULIAR PERSON.

Sheet knew her intimately for sew
sral years, and saw her in every condi-
lion of life. She was delightful-abso
iutely without peculiarities."
Another Shells it possible2 What
speculiar person she must be!"-Judge.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
TIE LAND OF NOD.

Mrs. Bloggs-"Is your husband troub-
I'D with insomnia, that he cannot sleep
or uights?"
Mrs. Jonesy -"No, he is employed in
q store that does not advertise, and so
has acquired the habit of sleeping during
the day. Kings Jester.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
A GREAT coNvERsArroNAL1sr.

Miss Scadds-''Do you think NIr. CAL
low is a good conversationalist2"
Miss Nunn-"Oh, yesl Why the
dear fellow can say 'Weally now with
ifty-two different infections. PUCK.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
A sponrING ouEsrIoN.

Athletic Youngster-"How large is
Lapland, Papa, and how many people
are there in it?"
Father-t.'I don't know. Why2"
Athletic Youngster-"I only want to
figure out how many Lapps there are to
the mile. Puck.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
ALL HE WANTS NOW.

s'NIr. Henpekt loved the woman he
married 50 much during courtship that
he had no peace of mind until he made
her his wife"
''Has he peace of mind now2"
mo, he mas piece Of hers every
day."
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02

Far from physician, every family should keep
DIR. Hox-ic's Certain Group Cure in tho house.
This istinguishcd remedy rtm"r,s at "nee al
traces al iUup, Whooping Cough. bronchitis,
DiptherctIc sore Throat, Coughs nnd Colds.
Sold by prominent druggists. hlc. Manulac-
turcd by a. l.. llOxslc buffalo, y. Y.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
NOT TOO YOUNG.

81 have just gained your mothers
consent, Clara, dear"
"But, Mr.. Swift, I am so young, L
really"
81 don't think it will make any differ
ence, as am to be your stepfather. -
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
A uALF-nEAnrED EFFORT.

Daughter---.'Yes, know Mr.. Staylate
comes very often, but it isn't my fault.
do everything l can to drive him
away"
Old Gentleman-'Fudge! haven't
heard you sing to him once" New York
Weekly.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02

The article" A Detroit Miracle" taken from
n Detroit paper, IL quite interesting reading.
II tells how ono of the hust-knOwn merchants
of TINT city suddenly appeared ut his business
with apparently u new lcnsc OF life, when IL
WIS suppOsel that hu was u worry sick mum.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02

Mr.. Darius Wntorhousc, Chattanooga, Tenn.
says; IL cost but little Ia try BrniyrrotInc
itnu trlnl IL Ill TINT IN necessary 10 couylnr,
the doubling thousands that IL wifi euro hend.
ache" All druggists, nifty cents.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
In Japan the women load the vessels.
A CompIelc New.pnprr For Ono Com.

Tho PittshnrGl Chronicle Telegraph IL aold by
MI News Agents and delivered by Carrier,
everywhere, for ono Cent copy ar Sir Cents I.
worll. receiving M 1t does the reports OF both
the Associated Press and the United Press M
other paper which aois for one Cent receives
both nf these reports. Its Sporting, Financial,
Fashion, nnd Household Depart ments nre un,
cqunicd. Order II from your NowH Agent.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02

Halls Catnrrh Cure III liquid and IL taken
internally, aud acts directly upon tho blood
Rni mucous surfaces OF tho systcm. Sund for
tcstimoniNls, free Sold by Druggists, T6c.
Il. j. CuINEr& Co., Proprs., Toledo, o.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02

IF dropsy nftcr good nights sleep thoro ~
Indigestion md stOmnch disorder which
BccChnm's pllls will cnrc
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
In Cnun,ry un,,Ir,,

a sMoKE-sTAcK-A package Of CT
garctteS.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02

Great Britain has 2o2,soo acrcs of Or
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-09-02
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FRoaT
VARIOUS SOURCES,

Hot Weather Philosophy-The Land
OF Nod-A Sporting Question-A
Peculiar Person-Science
to the Rescue. Etc.
We envy not the fellow who 4
Is ne'er compelled to toll,
For he has nothing else to do
Except to sit and boil.
But we, who don't have time to shirs,
Are happy with our lot,
For we're SO taken up with work
That we forget tits hot.
New York Journal.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-09-06
WHO PAYS TAE TARIFFl

A Convincing Letter from n washington
street Car Driver.
There is a street car driver in WASH
ington named Doran, says the Washing-
ton correspondent of the ST. Louis Re
public. He is native Of Ireland and has
been in this country about six years. He
is pretty bright fellow, is close reader
of the newspapers and a careful observer
of verything that is going on. During
the past year Mike has been paying .
good deal of attention to the tariff ques-
tion, and has been led away by the theo-
ries of the Republicans that protection
was good thing for the poor man.
An incident occurred within the past
week or ten days that has made Mike
somewhat skeptical. He had been told,
by the Republicans of course, and by
Mckinley in particular, that the foreign
ers paid our taxes. Mckinley said so in
his Minneapolis speech and Mike be-
heved him at the time. About ten days
ago q cousin of Mikes arrived in this
country. He brought q present from
Mikes mother to her son, consisting OF
twelve pairs of woolen socks which she
herself knitted for him. 1t is safe to
say that the value of the socks was
about twenty cents pair, but when
Mikes cousin arrived at the custom
house he was assessed twenty-five cents
a pair tariff duty on socks. When he
came to Mike he showed him his receipt
from the custom house officers for the
three dollars that he had paid for the
dozen socks, and Mike of course had to
refund the money to him. This set
Mike thinking, and on suggestion of q
friend with whom he conferred he ad-
dressed the following letter to Governor
Mckinley on the subject:
DEAR Sm-J read your speeches In the house
gress, when the tariff bill was under discussion
in which you asserted and made me believe
that the foreigners paid our taxes. I also read
your speech as presiding ofIicer OF the Repub-
lean national convention ut Minneapolis, In
which you asserted again that the foreigner
paid our taxes Ny mother sent me q dozen
pairs Of socks from Ireland a few days ago.
each pair being worth twenty cents Ny
cousin, who brought them TO me, had to pay
twenty-five cents a pair tariff duties On. tho
socks at the New York custom house. VIII
you please be Kind enough to tell me to what
foreign government shall apply to have that
three dollars refunded TO mef II the foreigner
pays the tax. as you say he does. j am entitled
exactly 10 what foreign government 70 apply.
and hope you will be kind enough to inform
me By return mail MICHAEL DoHAN.
This is a very pretty little object les
son, and should not be lost sight Of by
people who are laborfng to underBfand
the tariff question.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-09-06

could pay dividends OF per cent. on
$500, 900 and 10 per cent. on the other
$500. 900.
According to the testimony given In
1890 before the ways and means COM
nittee the combined investment OF these
four companies was only $500 200. The
manufacturers then put on long faces
and tried to make the committee believe
that the pocket cutlery industry was
about to expire under so per cent
duty. 1t now appears that they were
then making largely in excess of 16
per cent upon their actual capital
t$400, ,0Oo). ard that they are now in
shape to make 46 per cent. on this same
amount. They add in their prospectus
that prices upon cutlery have. never
yet reached those which could have been
asked by the increased rate of tariff. -
That their claims are not extravagant is
evident from the announcement in The
House Furnishing Goods Weekly of
Aug. 4, 1892, that ssthe Southington
Cutlery company, of Southington, Conn.,.
has declared a quarterly dividend of s
per cent" It is clear that the increased
duty was obtained under false pre-
lenses. if not by actual fraud. And
these arc the class OF men who reap the
benefits of AlcKinleyism.
Notice now how these spoils are di-
vided between the manufacturers and
their employees. The Republican press
points with pride TO three companies--
the Canastota Knife company, the New
York Knife company and the Thomaston
Knife company, employing altogether
about 400 hands-that have advanced
wages about 10 per cent. It is true that
since 1890 about three -fourths OF the
employees in these factories have OBJ
tanned advances that will average be-
tween z and 10 per cent. These advances
have been secured only because the em-
ployees We're organized and struck or
threatened to strike for higher wages.
Strikes are now ON In three other fac
tories. But suppose that all of these
400 employees have had their wages adj
vanced 10 per cent. and that they earn
an average Of 5000 each year tthe ac-
tual average is much less). Their total
benefit from the new tariff (admitting
that it made the advance possible, would
thus be less than $24, 900. The yearly
product of all the factories is worth from
81 500, 600 to s., ,O00. 600. The 80 per cent.
advance in prices then increases the
profits of the manufacturers about $780,
600. That is. the manufacturers have
retained 80 per cent. of the spoils and
grudgingly yielded up 8 per cent. to the
wage earners.
The American user of pocketknives
has taken $500, 900 out of one pocket and
made it present TO these foreigners for
the privilege of carrying an American
knife. IN another pocket, and this in
addition to similar amount bestowed
upon the same foreigners under the 80
per cent. duty prior to 1890 If this be
the best that Mckinley can do for us it
is time we were finding it out. It will
be money in our pockets some day.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-09-06
p. ssop per doz

On leading styles the advance always
exceeds 20 and in some cases reaches go
per cent. The advances are likely to
continue until knives begin to be i'm
ported In large quantities. On many
styles the duty was increased from 80 to
100 per cent, but ON some styles the
tariff limit has already been reached,
e. g, a small three bladed knife that
used to be imported at cost of -. % per
dozen and sold at % cents each on the
street, now costs g 80 to 8. 80 per dozen
here and sells for 35 cents each on the
street, and from 35 TO so cents each in
stores. On another style which used to
COS. $3.50 the duty Q05 per cent. Is pro-
hibitiye; but the blades and handles are
imported separately and the knife is sold
here for $2.25 per dozen Thus imports
have already checked the advance on
some styles
The Manufacturers association is prac-
tically trust 80 far as regulating prices,
demanding high protective duties and
keeping down wages are concerned.
Many of the larger manufacturers, how
ever, have been IN favor of a much
stronger organization, capable of regu-
lating production and of sustaining high
prices and profits. A few months ago
four of the largest firms agreed to COM
bine under the name of the United
States Cutlery company, with a capital
of 81 10000 Their prospectus said:
"The business of these companies man-
featuring 65 per cent. of all the pocket
cutlery made here) has steadily increased
year by year, and the net profits of these
companies for period of over three
years are largely in excess Of the sum
necessary to have paid 8 per cent. divi-
dends upon $500, 900 preferred stock. %
It IS also claimed that the new cornnanr