Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1892-06-03
AN UNCERTAIN RESTING PLACE.
Modern Inventions at Discount in
Harlem Flat.

Modern Inventions at Discount In a
Harlem Flat.
The salesman with red whiskers and
an e;ght-day smile, who was sitting
near the door IN an uptown furniture
store one afterr oon received a disagree
able surprise.
He was occupying an oak hall chair
marked down to four dollars, and idly
wondering whether business for the day
wasn't about over, when the door open
ed and small nan in arctics hurried in,
located the salesman in the marked
down chair, and said briefly:
Sold me. folding-bed on.Monday,
didn't you?"
"Quite likely did, sir"
Regular Al modern improved bed,
wasn't it?" t
Undoubtedly a frst-class article
believe you said no fiat was COM
plete without onc-bed, washstand, bu-
reau and writing desk combined, and
looked like pianner besides, didn't
you?"
"Think | did. Anything wrong?" in
Qulrcu lne salesman uDehSllV.
"You said old-fashioned double beds
had gone out Of style-too big for New
York fats-some of them bigger than
the whole fiat, didn't you?"
THAT is surely quite true" said the
salesman soothingly.
"You said, continued the man in the
arctics, ignoring the suggestion, that
if man bought one of them folding
BEDS he didn't need another stick of fur
niture in the room but chair and a
spittoon. Didn't yer?'
81 might have suggested the value of
the article"
"Hey?"
81 say l might have said something Of
the sort"
"Well, you did. was fool enough to
buy one of them beds. It's up in Har-
lem now. Me and my wife has lived on
that combination business one night,
and now it's the bed or we gets out"
"What's the trouble?"
"Well, you see, the thing you call q
bed only got there yesterday afternoon,
and my wife and l spent the evening
seeing how it worked. She was kinder
shy of the thing till the young lady
from the next fiat thought it was a
pianner, and was took in tryin' to play
'Hogans Alley on them fake keys.
That ticliled my wife and she said there
was a good deal to the critter, after all.
| So she put four of her dresses into the
| drawers in the bureau half, and | fixed
| up the wash pitcher and basin on the
| washstand section, and later in the
evening | filled up the ink-well and
wrote letter on the desk part to
Deacon Ezra IIodson, up to West Scho-
dacl landing, and told him what a
treasure we had. About 0 o'clock my
wife made up the bed. We don't like to
| sleep facin' east, so she made up with
| pillows at the footboard and we turned
in. reckon Id been asleep about an
hour when | was woke up by my wife
nudgin'.
'Willyum' says she in a whisper,
I've had the realest dream | ever had.
| ! dream't was out swimmin' in a round
pond, and on the shore was two pigs,
a snortin and gurglin' so loud they
woke me up. | was a splashin---
Margrit, do you smell something
queer?" says |, interruptin'.
NO says she, 'mebbe it's the new
bed
'Taint bed says l, its sour, vim
! egary smell, and besides, says |, sort of
scared, there's something wet on my
ear.
"With that jumped out of bed and
lit up. Well, sir, my wife give a
screech, jumped clear across the room,
and ran out in the hall.
Lord sakes, Willyum-if you are
him, says she through the crack of the
door, are you sick, or what is it?'
What ails you, carryin' on like that,
says |, gettin' kinder mad,
calls me, she said look at yourself,
you nightmare
"Well, sir, you should have seed me.
l reckon the whole half-pint of ink
had put into the ink-well into the desk
section of that bed had got onto me.
My head was all ink except my nose
and my left ear. There was ink on my
hair and ink on my night clothes, till
looked like dirty pen-wiper on legs,
1t took fifteen minutes to get my wife
back into the room, and then we found
that wasn't all. One of us must have
turned over heavy in our sleep and
squashed the pitcher in the washstand
section, and it had filed the bureau
half, till reckon there was gallon OF
water in the second drawer, on my
wife's best dress.
"You seem to have had nice, quiet
time" returned the salesman, foolishly
attempting the genially humorous.
Nice quiet time, hey" exclaimed the
small man eXcitedly, ''mebbe goin' tC
bed with an ink bottle and standin
round in the sun next day with salts o
lemon on your head to bleach out the
smootches is your idea of nice time
'Taint mine. haven't come in here t.
kick, but | don't want no foolishncs.
about this, Me and my wife has agreed
that if you'll exchange that folding
business for a good, plain bed, We'll cal
it square; will yer?"
Very likely we can, sir
"'Taint no likely about it, man
you've got to-" shouted the little man
getting rapidly excited. q won't spenc
another night strewin' my shape arounC
on fake planners and wash stands. w,
want the genuine article now, fiat or n,
fiat. I've been perlite so far, but thi
amt my day fer pobin' fun. Mebb
there's people in this town likes to sleel
on a monkey business bed, but | want
bed, plain he'd, with four legs an,
Stats, even if l have to dress on tn
mantelpioce and eat on the fire escape
Catch?'-N y. Tribune.