New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1892-12-23
PART II.
PAGES II TO ID.

reformers say We Protectionl>s "wnnt the EARTH"
may be true Of the New Eneanic IS Substantially an
~all roind' affair. tnd my con'ndlum is: Why =
ProteC ton nearly like the caith than ever
beforel Because II Is hatened at the polls. daugh
am sure you will all readily assent to the sent
ment which ka, be.n assigned to me. Tho New
Engandrr Is an :" round god citizen We are.
DO ! need to finish the syllogism and to draw the
conclusion You remember the old story Of the In
diana judge. who declared by an cnthusiastte
neighbor to be 'he distinguished lrst who had
ever sat on tie bench in that state
You can't prove tha,' said the man he was talking
81 don't need to- was the answer. "hc admits IL
We all admit our claims to tho regard of our fellows
History confirms t'e claim Of my toast Nobody: not
Engander. He certainly Is "a around and he has
been ever since 1920. Ills finger is in every pie
not only centres round the Hub. but he radiates
through the spokes and pervades the eloes Of crea-
ever in his aacciIons lie comes to New, York to
live but however proudly he may talk of the Metropolis
to cSicago; ana ac%nirss Of ne Wi"SS
in Minneapolis st. Paul, IT Is more difficult for him
but / have known him. even them to manifest his
nS % 1 and ae Of baked S Sssns
morning. lie is an incarnation OF SCOTS familiar
"Bnathc' there with stul 50 dead
Who to himself hath said
This is my my native land'
II such there breathe, marx him well,
For him minstrel raptures SWELL
And when he dies he'll to
well, Andoyer Mass (Taughter)
everything. The New England Of today Is the whole
country. and the New Engander Is an American.
Nav, mOIp-thc metes and bounds 81 his land are
not even those which enclose the territory which flies
the stars aud strpS They include his hopes and
wio celebrated the Fourth of Jaly In Part, few
ns n, pG sG up Foai oqpF a any IN of fOq 2o
happen to know a new story What arerdlnner orator
cAcePt Of course my associates at thS ooa Wv
is he like Thanksgiving turkey Because he Is
stuffed with chc'nuts" tLanshter). Why. the chestnut
language. beginnng-"Tell me the old, old story
Lluchter, Possibly mi, foreign Independence Day
patriotism may have had an "extra dry" stmulant,
but It's basis "all-rlund good citizenship The
walnus and the wine bad been served, and toasts
were I'm order. This the stai and modest
First toast Here's to America Bounded on tho
north by the British possessions; on the south BY
Central America and the Cult Of Mexico; on the east
by the Atlantic, and on the west by sle Pacific
territory to make county Of But it didn't iii the
BILL \ more enthusiastic patriot propounded this as
second toast" Here. to our cOuntry-Bounded on
the north By the North Pole on the south by the
This mis,t farlS be considered picture Of colossal
roH toast s as IS toast" Dhoa!sd third ~
the home OF the brave! Bounded the north by the
Aur ra Boreals: on tre south by the procession %
the west bv the Day Of Judgmdni.T Gaushter,.
But | wander. Lest ] should dron into political
economy unawares. let me. like Mr.. eas Wegg III IL
be not too violent a wrench the traditions Of this
grave and reverend society, drop into poetry:
THE VERSE
I've heard this story told Of Nj. Beechcr.
Which showed him fit to he the farmers tescheri
That In the spring a thrifty pig he buys.
Three dollars paws. ard holds him for a rise.
All summer feeds him. and night and morn.
Using in all eight dollars worth corn.
killing the counts up eleven.
But he has sell seven.
Upon the corn" he. loss : big
But something handsome I've made the pig"
tLaughter.
The Improbable | represent:
The culnful pig by DR.. Wayland's meant.
You've such a handsome venture made on him.
You won't complain II other gains slim.
Az agricultural fairs IL gives shock
I hfd creatures first premium" stock
on cNhibltlon-thst's the 'ngger"
To make TIE biggest animals look bigger
The sweepstakes prize would lose its chlerest res
If all the bull, on show were but the best
The turf's excitement certainly were not
We're Nancy Hanks the oilv horse trot
The utman pig, Of all the litters score
Adds - tn gor, OF the biggest boar
Tho lambkins littleness Oft makes struck
With increased wonder the mammoth buch'
Ard the end squash the pr life vine
Shows how looms the largest OF the nine.
In short my rough unccmely hating Muss
May serve foil FOR Waylands and Depews.
And all the brilliant oratoric strain
Which now a. always. are with
My Muse contends that it is always ft
To show That "breyty's The soul OF wir',
But when she's DONE / fear you'll all agree
That her sole wit Is IN her brevity.
Her theory this. is Of this sort
Poem and pecrust both are best when Shorts
And as We round the joyial table sit
Where circles mi ia. and sparkle 10y and VIII
No epic story and Lyric strain
My humble contribution will coatain:
No hgllown sentiments will rehearse
But tnly give little toast verse.
As gathered round this frugal festsl board
sort OF antique Pilgrim feast 'restoredp-
We bd the outside world, Tonight Awayi
And turn thoughts all to Foreathers' Day
Banlshcd be every other JOY and care,
Forgot be everything OF everywhere;
Let all the busy wheels OF life round
We are exempt from cry jar and sound.
The wall Street bear may the tmld fold
10 selling stocks because we're shipping goldsa
Anon the bull may the market over
And by his Believing, dive shorts 10 cover''t
Let puts" and calls and corners" be taboo.
Let margins shrink. and lambs their shearinxs
rue.
Let Gould stocks rise or Vanderbilt, go down,
The endless seesaw occupy the town,
L. p. be up fan OF {. h. & O.,
NJ. 4. advance. aud rccede W L..
Let wheat increase IL, visible supply
Let cotton fail. 1.-THE season was so dryn
Let futures Guctuate. let ''spotsp be steady
Let all the 'trust-" 70 shut up shop he ready.
Let 'cortase" hans let prove to be
Sweet to victim Adversely
Let whIskey rise Till tout OF sichtr
so long as Sherry's at our call to night
Let sages Of finance a conference hold
TO try and make silver dollar gold
AMI a Brus els carpet offer plans
Not one OF which one OF them ind rstards.
While Uncle sam buys silver by the bon
tOf all buy -mctslist> he the only oncl
And piles the bullion useless In h!s vault
While all the other frees find fault
And John Bull cares what the plan may
Provided 10 enhances his rupee.
Let politicians. elections o,e-
Lament for Ben. glorfy for Grover:
And let the White House Presidential knce
Trot Baby Ruth instead OF Babe Mckee:
Let TIE Reform Club the Speaker downu
Raising stormy Democratic frown
And cause word they wouldn't let him lisp
Let party harmony be burned 10 a Crsp