The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1892-05-27
THREE FUNERALS.

In some parts of the south it is the
custom to preach the funeral of the
deceased long after the deceased has
been buried. In fact, nearly AL The
preachers work consists Of fn1gfal
orations. Sometimes a new eircUlt
rider, to endear himself to the neoDh
will first announce himself by eAnIAr
ing that he will entertain his bele Et7vi
hearers on the life, character and
death of old Anderson Lipscomb,
who surrendered to the demand of
the great high Sheriff of death just
forty-three years ago yesterday.
Recently Simeon j, Boyle, @ circuit
rider of the old school, was appoint
ed by conference to take charge of
the Black Sulphur Strings circuit.
He was known as perfect agonizer,
q man who could raise the soft hair
ofluxurious sin into the stiff bristle
of fear. The day after Boyle had ar
rived in the neighborhood of his
new charge he was called upon by
Wigs Bailey. Wigs is we'll known
character of the community-a man
of untrembling nerve, of strong
arms, and an appetite that had new
er been known to fail.
"What can do for your" the
preacher asked, when the visitor had
introduced himself.
"Jes' called to pay my respects an
to tell you if you ever need my sar-
vices, jes' call on me. I'preciate the
position you hold as worker for
the Lord, and l wanter ask favor
of you"
Albright, brother"
81 want you to preach the funeral
of my brother Ike. Best Teller you
ever seen in your life-died about ten
or fifteen years ago. Great big fell
Ter, whipped old Oscar Miles once,
and Os was a power in the land,
tell you. Now you preach his funeral,
an III make it all right with you"
II will do it, brother. What was
the cause OF his death?"
"Lack of licker."
"What, was he so addicted to the
use ofliquor that when it gave out
and he couldn't get any more he
died?"
"Oh, no: he was never much OF O
hand to drink"
"Then how did he die on account
of the lack of liquor"
"W'y, ne was bit by q rattlesnake,
an as he didn't have no ticker, he
jest nachully died."
"And you want me to preach his
funeral?"
eyes, an you ken get into some
powerful work when you git down
inter the Jacks of his lynn thar sui
ferin' fur Ticker. You can fetch the
tears outen mighty nigh ever eye in
the house."
81 see, but q description of his
death, no matter how vivid, will not
be quite enough. Tell me something
of his lile."
"Wall, he was the powerfullest fell
Ter in the country. Reckon he could
lift more at a handsDike than anv
man about here"
"But what were his strongest
points?"
"Rasslin', brother, rasslin' with
the ketch-as-ketch-can rule"
"But had he not some moral quail
ity?"
"0h, yes. He didn't swear 'cept
when he conldn't help hisself."
"Well, / will do the best 1 can.
Will next Sunday dor"
eyes, suits me all right. Thar'll
be q big crowd out, specially as this
is your fust 'pearance, an l want
you to paint Ike as bright as a rose.
eyes, said the preacher, scratch
ing his head, "I'll do that. Your
brother was a-a-popular man, was
he2"
Popular as a basket of ginger
cakes at a county fair"
"All right, brother. I'll be on
hand next Sunday.
The house was crowded on the
following Sunday. Wigs took q
seat near the pulpit, and, taking out
an immense handkerehief-it must
have been the half OF a tablecloth-
made himself appear as a man of
deep seated sorrow. Thenew circuit
rider preached a powerful sermon; he
painted a pathetic picture of a man
wallowing on the ground, wringing
mis- hands and crying, in an agoniz-
edvoice:" Licker, ohlbring me ticker,
or l will perishl"
After services were over Wigs
shook hands with the preacher, and
then, breaking down with the weight