The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-14
WIT AND HUMOR.
ADVICE.

He told his little son that he
Ought not to spend a penny,
But put each copper In his bank,
He said that he himself when young,
Pursued that self-same system;
He saved his pennies, one by one,
And SO he never missed 'em!
That when he grew to mans estate,
1t yielded rich resources.
But he failed to add that he spent it then
On cigarettes and horses.
-Mittens Willett, in Puck
1t doesn't take much of hunter to
bag his trousers.-G Glens Falls Rep1b-
licd7s.
Mangled Remains-The part of your
shirt that comes back from the steam
laundry.-Pstc6.
Some people get something for
nothing and the rest get nothing for
something. GalUestos Nea0s.
When boy is smart there is ques-
tion whether he gets it from her folks
or his people.-Atchisoaa Globe.
Many wise man has picked up a
good suggestion where some fool
dropped it, GGI0eston Neeos.
$50 you have a new servant girl"
said one housewife to another. Eyes"
~How does she like your" Washington
Star.
Dimling-"Why did you leave the
lecture platform, Larkinp" Larkin-
well, I was egged on to take that
step."-LJe.
Teacher-"Now, Johnny, see if you
can't give me an example of SEN
tence." Johnny-"Ten dollars or ten
days. BLACK and White.
Blobbs-"A good deal depends on
your luck in poker" Waggles-"Yes,
but your luck also depends on a good
deal."-PeiLGdelpsdG Record.
Bride No. 2-aNo other woman ever
wore this ring, did she, darling?"
Widower-"No woman on earth ever
had it on."-Jes0eler's Weekly.
Mrs. Gadds-"That new minister
amt much on visitin', is hep" Mrs.
Gabb-"No, I guess maybe his wife is
purity good cook herself. M Y.
Weekly.
Hicks-"There! For once I'll know
where the collar button is when I
want it." Mrs. Hicks-"Where is it?"
Hicks-"The baby has swallowed it"
-Irutb.
The girl who marries for money usu-
ally has look on her face after mar
riage that indicates that she is having
trouble collecting her salary.-Atchi-
son Globe.
"It's plain," said the young man
who had just paid the price of her
oyster stew, "that I'll have to be look
ing out for winter quarters. y Wash
ington Star.
Trother-@You look sad" Barlow
al am. / took my best girl to
church and put So in the plate in order
to impress her, and she never saw it.
IN. Y. Herald.
Whipper-"Every man is the arch
itect of his own fortune" Snapper
@And most of them are trying to build
a million-dollar structure on 50-cent
design. ."-Puc6.
She-@It was right here that I ac-
cepted you, John. Had you forgot
temp" He-"My dear, there are some
things I can neither forget nor for
give. ."-BLGcE and White.
Teacher-"In what part of the Bible
is it taught that man should have
only one wifeP" Little Boy-"I guess
it's the part that says no man can serve
two masters. Good NeaOs.
Jobson-"I have claim against the
government. What lawyer would you
advise me to retainP" Friend-"It
doesn't matter whom you select, only
so he's young. M =. Weekly.
Briggs-"I hear you proposed to
Miss Moheypenny the other night. +"
Griggs-"Yes." "How did you come
out with your suit?" 81 saved most
of it. Giothier and FasrniSher.
"Pop." said the professional humor-
lists son, "what regiment did the min.
ute men of Lexington belong toP'
"To the SixtY-second, of course. Ash
me something easy, my boy."-M 7
San.
Cholly-"What was it, Miss Clara,
that Talleyrand said? Language is fol
the purpose of concealing thoughts?'
@Then how prodigal it was of nature
not to make you dumb!"-Bufdzo EG.
press.
Smythe Cat the s'teenth district eau.
cus)-%I wonder why they call this
meeting a primary" Tompkins-
Probably because it's a capital place
to learn the A G of politics. IN. =
Herald.
truth is stranger than felton," he
happened to remark. EYES," his wife
replied very gently, cit sometime:
seems SO to me when you are explain.
ing what kept you out SO late. Wash
Gaagto7s Star.
Mrs. Backbay-"Didn't I hear higf
words between you and your brother
just now, Rarold?" Harold-"Y Yes
mother; but really you wouldn't want
me to use low language, would you?'
Boston Budget.
Totling-"Wagner had special pur
pose in making his opera so loud.
Dimling-What was it?" Totlin-"H'
was determined that they should b.
heard above the talking in the boxes.
-Harper's BGzGr.
Old Mr.. Fogy-"Ah, you young
women are not what you used to be
Where now can we see one of you witt
whats the matter with the girl bicy
istP"-Blac6 and White.
sBill," said the burglar, "there ain
nothin' in this safe but a receiptet
milliner's BILL" as that SOP" "Yes
I'm goin' to quit this biz. 1t doesn'
pay. There's too much competition il
Washington Star.
They had been discussing the pro
nunciation of "oleomargerine, ant
finally agreed to leave it to the waiter
but he hedged. "Sure," said he, {"
have to pronounce it butter or lose m,
job. ."-I1adiandpotis Journal.
$50 Jinks has abandoned the stud
of theology and taken to the stage, eh
What caused him to change SOP" "a
old uncle of his died and left him
diamond about the size of hickor
nut. Indianapolis Journal.
Il wouldn't care to be Lawye
Browne on Judgment day. He'll be i
the soup" mo, he won't. Browne
smart. He'll get an adjournment c
his case to next day, and then ther
won't be any next day"-Brookzy
Life.
"So," said her father, "you desir
my consent to my daughters engage
ment to youP" mo, replied Algernor
who spent the summer at the sea
shore, "we don't want to be engaged
We want to get married. y Washing
ton Star.