Passaic City record., 1892-05-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

/
'sLaugh aud the world laughs with
you," or wants to know what you are
grinning at.
An athletic record is the only thing
that improves by neutrality-suspicious.
ton Republican.
Don't talk about youreelf in company
it can be done much more satisfactorily
after you have left.
Life may be stage, but is more like a
courthouse from the fact that it is full of
trials.-Elmira Gazette.
Philanthropy now demands the culture
of species of shad that shall be bone
less. Pittsburg Dispatch.
A man who sells clocks cannot be
blamed for being occasionally behind the
tines.-Washington Star.
"That's an angel of house!'' said she.
"Not quite," he replied. "It only has
one wing" ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Briggs-s.Do you think that Robinson
loves herr" Griggs-ssHe went shop
ping with her. Cloak Review.
81 guess that must be Watchdog"
remarked Tommy, ssfor his tail begins
to tick whenever you speak to him.
Judge.
A petrifed ham has been found in an
Indiana field. This is the first supply of
material for Worlds Fair sandwiches
Oil City Derrick.
Manager-"I'll engage you for a trial
season." Actor Before accept I'll ask
you for a trial advance of salary. ~
Fliegende Blaetter.
"Oh, yes, ours is hard business"
said the dressmaker. "It's snip and
tuck with us all the time, you know. -
Harvard Lampoon.
It is curious how much faster street
car humps along when you are running
after it than when you are riding on it.
Richmond Recorder.
A girl of sixteen walks as ii she owned.
the earth, and after she has been mar
lied few years she walks as if she were
carrying it on her shoulders. rs.-Atchison
Globe.
$50 that young heiress has promised
to marry youa" "Yes, in three years"
ssIs'nt that long while to waltz" sit
may be, but she's worth her wait in
gold. Washington Star.
The old, old story before marriage has
three words in it: 81 love you." The
old, old story after marriage has the
same number, to wit: stWanted-a
cook. New York Mercury.
Wife-"Here's something new and
nice-an advertisement of "a folding
baby carriage" Husband (absently)-
s.That is novelty. But never saw
folding baby."-Pittsburg Bulletin.
Prudent Mother-ssI trust, my dear,
that you do not encourage young men in
their attentions" Daughter-"Oh, dear
me; no. l threaten to tell you every
time any one of them kisses me."-New
York Sun.
Mrs. Pancake (wearily)-sIt's as true
as gospel-woman's work is never
DONE" Mr.. Skye Parlor-s'Ahem! |!
Judging from the beefsteak, ma'am, /
should say that it is sometimes too much
done. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
ssI observe, James," said the Boston
employer, "that you say seether' and
'neether'. Are you not aware that such
is not our pronunciation of those wordsa"
ssIt doesn't seem to me" replied the boy
from New York, despondently, ssthat
you ought to expect me to say seyether'
and 'nyther' on salary of sixteen dol
lars month. Chicago Tribune.
Quester-ssDo you call DIR. Ranter a
man who, as preacher, is eminently
fitted to hls calIing7" Jester-ssWell, as
to that, he reveals elements of fitness and
unfitness." Quester-ssPlease explain
your meaning" Jester-ssWhy, as a
pulpit orator he is failure; but judging
from the number of people I observe
nodding in his church during discourse
I should assume him to be great COM
poser. boston Courier.
Waggle-"Yes, it's all up with me
and Miss Sweetleigh. She got miffed
about something or other and sent back
all my letters" Wiggle-ssThat was
bad" Waggle-"I thought SO for
awhile, but it was blessing in disguise.
I've got another girl now, and when I
write just copy one of my old letters to
Miss Sweetleigh. Just as good as new
| one, you know, and 1t is such sav:rs
] on the brain tissues. boston Tran.
acriut