The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-11-22
a PRETTY SLOW TOWN.



Hut He Was MT sure of It.
He wore q faint smile of pleasure
when he walked into the downtown
drug store, unbuttoned his coat and
leaned with an air of expectancy
against showcase.
Can do anything for your asked q
clerk.
swell, maybe you can and may be
You can't" answered the other, care
fully removing speck from his coat.
sleeve. Il don't know" he added, re.
fectively,
Anything in my power I'll be glad
to do" said the clerk, smiling encourag.
ingly.
We'll, I'll tell you," answered the
stranger Il live over in Jersey. My
town is pretty slow. You might almost
call it dead I'm sure you would if you
went over there; only we're so used to
it that we don't notice it much"
''Oh, yes" said the drug clerk, look
ing little dazed
Eyes, exactly" said the other with a
fattering smile. you see. there is
never any excitement over our way; it's
just dead-Adead as a door nail. Now
coming over on the ferry boat to-day
BY the way, do you know much about
cholera?'
Cholera" asked the clerk, looking
startled. What's that got to do with
it"
"Why, yes, cholera Know anything
about the symptoms?'
symptoms" said the clerk, with q
gasp, and he took two or three steps
backward and his eyes began to dilate.
'Symptoms-that's it Should you
say, for instance, that / had the chol-
era? Would you believe it, mean, to
look at me?'
The young man who dispensed drugs
began to back away, looking as if he
were waiting for a chance to make a
break for the street
''Oh, don't get frightened" said the
New Jersey man, with his calm smile.
81 haven't got the cholera-no such
luck"
''Luck!" exclaimed the startled clerk.
Eyes, luck I'd call it luck to get an
A l, first-class, genuine, guaranteed case
of true Asiatic cholera, freshly import
ed
"Why, man, you're craz-excuse me.
you can't mean what you say"
''Mean what I say?" declared the
searcher for cholera. 81 mean every
word that say. l tell you, sir, that
was born in the deadest town that ever
died l was raised in it l have lived
in that town for thirty-four years. I'd
rather live in graveyard There
aren't even ghosts or spirits in my town.
Now that place has got to be walked up.
If we don't do something we won't De
able to distinguish between a dead man
and live man. Then we'll be in
pretty fix, won't we? Well have dead
men-I mean really dead men bury
ing live men-I mean men that breathe;
and we'll have live men hobnobbing
with men that ought to have been
buried long ago, just because every
things so dead that it seems natural
''Oh, of course" gasped the bewild-
cred clerk.
''Now that place has got to wake up
There's only one thing in the world
that will wake it up That's cholera
Now l thought that I'd be willing to
catch the cholera and take it over there
just for the good of my town. I'm
public spirited citizen and I'm willing
to make some sacrifice to benefit my
native town. But / found that they
would not let me catch it. Can't get to
people who have the cholera-that is,
can get there, but | can't get away
again. OF course that wouldn't do any
good, would it? Would it now?''
cot course not" answered the clerk.
ready to shout climatic" at the first
sign of violence on the part Of the Wis
itor
''Of course not That's Just what
thought So I thought maybe l could
get up a good imitation of cholera and
take it over there. I'd have it break
out as soon as got well into town I'd
drop right down in the street and be-
gin to howl I'd kick and yell and dig
my nails into the ground and turn
summersaults. When the people got
around to me-of course it would take
a long time, for it's slow town-Td
grab every body l could reach and yell
cholera l thought that would fetch
them. They'd have to rig up hospital
for me and get me into it and take care
of me. They'd get more or less in ter
ested, you see. Then if 1 knew the
symptoms by heart, I'd go through the
whole business and by the time ! was
thought that everybody
in the town would have heard that l
had the cholera and that would do them
good 1t would wake them mp, you see.
Now" added the New Jersey philan-
thropist, with a public-spirited smile,
lean you teach me anything about
That's what l want to
know now. If l can't get the cholera,
I'll have 10 take the next best thing.
Can't you helpme out?"
I'm afraid not" said the clerk
"Why don't you try dynamite? It's
easier"
"Oh, that wouldn't do any good
know them too we'll They'd think
dynamite explosions were . church or
gan and they'd go right of to sleep
again
Sorry. but I can't do anything for
you in the cholera way" said the clerk
''Well. good bye, then. I'm sorry TO
have troubled you Perhaps it's just
as well to give it up. i amt sure that
one case would do much good anyway.
guess, come to think of it, that il
would take a whole shipload. I'll have
to wait. Maybe can get MP Johns
town disaster or q Chicago FIRE and
maybe we'll have better luck with
cholera next season Good day. sir
, nd be reh11ftnned his coat and walled