Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1892-07-10
SOME FOOLS

The Rev. Pink PUNK Dtscourses ON the
weakness of Humanity.
Brother Pink PUNK has gone in soT
tho popular ''sermonette" or ''prelud|
idea. Before delivering his usual ex-
hortation TO sinners last Sunday morn.
ing he gave his congregation the benefit
Of his observations and cogitations con.
corning fools. This is what he said:
DE longer | lib. deah breddern. de
more wonder at de number oh fools
dere are in dc world. an dc astonishin
part OBJ it is dat de world gifts along so
well considerin de number OBJ fools dat
inhabit IT,
''Some people are born fools. some git
foolish after they've been on earth a
while. an some wait until they're old
enough 10 know better. an when sensi.
Bile people see dem dey laff inside and
remark to one anudder, Deere amt no
fool like an ole fool. an the ole fool laffs
too and links he's the wisest pusson in
the hull universe.
Almost eberybody is q fool on some
particular subjeck, deah breddern. A
man may be puffeckly sane on ebry.
ting but his one hobby. an he's jist as
foolish in regard to dat as de mos vio-
lent maniac in Bloomingdale or Black
wells island is in regahd to eberyting In
gen'ral.
"Dey is de reckless fool, deah bred.
dern. He's de man dat didn't know 1t
was loaded until it went of suddenly
an landed somebody else in kingdom
come. He's de fool dat jumps of high
bridges on bet an usually comes to de
surface OBJ de ribber in q condishun
witch gibs de coroner chance to make
q good fat fee an allows de local papers
to print sensashunal headlines. He's de
lunatic dat jumps from balloon into a
parachute an subsequently, forms an in
terestin puzzle for de doctors to patch
togedder so dat his corpse kin be iden.
tilted an shipped home to his friends.
He's de ijit dat steps out OBJ de way OBJ
railroad train an gifts hit by de lightnin
express comm down de udder track
He's de fool dat blows out do gas
on de occasion OBJ his first ian last,
visit to de city. He's de jackass dat
drinks poison for whisky by mistakin
de bottles in de dahk. He's de fool dat
monkeys wild de buzz saw. wen it's
goin full speed. dat NEEDLES wild live
electric wires, dat does a t'ousan an one
t'ings dat he wouldn't do eff he only
want fool.
"De man dat wri.see,s.ers to de news
papers is still ahudder variety. dear
bredderu, an one OF de kline OATS amusin
! rs well as foolish. He takes up de
space in de paper dat de hahd workin
space reporter has bin crowded out oo.
an gin'rally succeeds in shown in his
long, tejus letter how much he don't
know about t'ings in ginral. an de sub
jock he's writin about in particular; he's
q wuss nuisance dan de spring poet, be-
cuz he prevails do hull year roun. vile
de poet only blooms in de spring.
For fear de women folks may feel
sighted I'll conclude by enumeratin a
few ob de most noticeable fools Of de
(sometimes) gentler sex.
DE auction fool-de woman dat buys
secondhand tings at auctions dat she
could buy new for half de- money.
=, DE bargain huntin fool dat spen's .
| hull day an dollar an o half for car
fare n lunch tryin to buy somet'n for
| fifty-nine cents dat she cud have bought
for sixty half block from her own
| door.
DE giddy fool---de forty-6ve-year-old
woman. Wild crows feet and wrinkles.
dat thinks she's Just rs young rs she was
twenty-five years ago.
Ode pretty fool-de young woman
dst's nebber happy unless some one Is
tellin her she looks simply angelic or
out ob sight. and dat only has brains
enuff 20 keep her hair in curl an her
smile fixed so dat her dimples1l show
TO de best advantage.
Debut why perceed wild de endless
list. dear breddern2 You all know de
different ones as well az I do, an per-
haps good deal better. for dat matter
Shakespeare said q good many wise
tings, deah breddern. but be never con
centrsted so much wisdom in . few
words "a wen he said. 'Wot fools desc
mortsls be- New York Herald
Juss Has ssp>.
Mrs. Plsnkingtoa--Is your little boy
going to have . new white flannel suit
this year.
Mrs. Balderwick-Not eractly new.
It's one his father he'd last vpar.-