The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-11-01
PARAGRAPHS.

Election Inspector (severely)-Sir,
have you W. read the Constitution of
the United States9
N~aturalized Citizen-No; have youQ
Election inspector-No o-New York
Weekly.
Willie had been watching the demo
lition of a house near his home with
great interest. Then he said: Papa,
[ think I'll be an unbuilder when I
grow up. Tearing down houses must
be lots of f~un.-Harper'SBaz
"What do you do with yourself on
rainy days, Abner7" asked a visitor,
ooh, I have little arguments with
mamma" returned the boy. "What
about?" "Stayin' in an keepin' dry
said Ab.-Harper'8 Young People.
"Men is skittish critters" observed
old Mrs. Thirdwed Either they air
so cross that there is no a BARN, 'em
around the house. or so good natured
that you dassent trust 'em out of your
sight."-Indianapolis Journal
"Why does ne call himself Colonel
if he was never in the army?'
Because, sab, in de heat oh passion
he may kill a man some time, and if
he's a Colonel it's a mitigating circum-
stance, eah. "-Chicago Tribune.
Deacon Snodgrass-"Will you join
US Mr., Basso, in singing old Hun
dredY'"
Mr.. Basso-"I would like to oblige
you, Deacon, if I knew it. I can sing
you the Ninety and Nine, that's the
nearest I can come to il. "-ErchGnge.
Three different walters at a Southern
hotel asked a little prim, precise Har-
ward professor at dinner, in quick sue
cession, if he would have soup. A
little annoyed he said to the last waiter
! who asked: is it "No,
sab" answered our friend and brother
mo, sab, I think it am mock turtle"
Texas S:ftings.
1t is we'll for a dealer to know some
this of the nature and origin of the
articles in which he deals. A grocer
in a Western city put the following
placard upon a quantity of maple
sugar which he exposed for sale:
GENUINE MAPLE SUGAR
FROM THE
PUREsT JUICE OF THE CANE
Judge TO prisoner -Have you some
thing to add3
Prisoner-Yes, Judge; I desire to
have the new law applied to me.
judge don't understand you.
Prisoner-I ask to be expelled from
the country; I recently came over
from Hamburg, and have probably got
cholera germs.-SJtings.
Scene: breakfast-room in a sub
urban town. Daughter presiding over
one of those silver receptacles war
ranted to make coffee on the table in
five minutes.) Pater (who has lost
one train and has doubts about getting
his coffee and the next train.
here, Clara, that things enough to try
the patients of job" "Why do you
say that papa, it hasn't come to a boil
yetI"-New York Life.
The New England Grocer has re.
ceived from one of its subscribers the
following Verbatim copy Of a letter re-
ceived, who adds that the bill was paid
on Friday as promised:
Dear Sir-I owe you 81. so for eggs
I will pay next Friday morning when
I come up, andI don't want your clerk
bellering when I pass by every morn
ing. "Come in and pay for them
eggs" I will pay you, as I said, Fri
day morning next week.
He Took the Boys Part. An immi
grant from Limerick was taking his
first walk in the woods near his home
in Nottingham when he came across q
boy and a man saving a log Of wood
with a cross cut saw. He watched the
two for a second, pulling and pushing,
and then he suddenly sprang upon the
man. After getting the surprised saw
yer down on his back and frightening
him with the fear of murder, the
Hibernian said to the boy. "There
now, take your saw, me boy, and run
wild it. It's a spalpane of a mar
phatu snatch a saw from a small
boy"
t1CT TNy EDvcyp1T &C