The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1892-12-07

Ma works them into rugs and caps
When have burst the stitches
At doomsday we shall see perhaps
The last of dads old breeChes.
mo, Mr. Gilgal," she said kindly. II
am sure could never learn to love you."
ooh, maybe you could" rejoined Gilgal
"Never too old to learn, you
know"
Little Girl-My papa has to get up awful
early, so as to get to the office and see If
his clerks is there attendin to business.
Little Boy-My papa don't have to. He's
one of the clerks.
An old negro preacher divided his SER
mon into two parts, First all de things in
de text, and second, all de things not in de
text, and bredren, we'll wrastle wild de
second part fust.
Travelling some time since in Switzer-
land a tourist remarked upon the beauti-
full scenery when fellow tourist IAN old
LADY, replied, Yes but it is a pity those
mountains hide the view"
Mrs. Cilly-You are terrible man, doc
tor. ] believe you think women have no
brains at all.
have seen them at autopsies.
Miss Antique-This picture won't suit
me at all / was told that you would be
sure to please me.
Smere-No doubt would, madam, bad
you sat for me twenty years ago
81 wrote three letters this morning." he
said, with the air of man who had &C
complished much
"Ah. indeedP' responded the young
woman. What were theyS o u"
as that good dog?"
81 used to think so, but have my doubts
now"
"why?"
ave had him month and nobody has
tried to steal him.
Smith Ito his grocer)-Will you oblge
me by cashing this check for $40?
Grocer-Sorry, Mr.. Smith, but cannot.
"No? Then | will oblige you to do so by
investing in a mild fifteen center. Many
thanks You see there are different mean
ings to the word oblige. Ia ia"
"Why did you tell the judge your name
was Murder?'
$50 that he wouldn't commit me"
"Humph Why didn't you tell him
your name was Gum"
what good would that have doneY
"He might have discharged you"
"Do you love me very much, PETE"
Eyes, indeed, papa; but you re beginning
to need shaving just awfully"
Putting the darling child gently off his
lap, the strong man went out on the back
porch, leaned against pillar, looked de.
o;,;,, r1t int Aap ri
bitter, scalding tears He had spent six Of
the hardest weeks of his life cultivating
that first crop of whiskers.
First Office Boy-Did you ask de boss
ter get off this afternoon?
Second Office Boy-Not much. You
don't catch me making no such break as
dat.
First Office Boy-Why, what's de mat
ter?
Second Office Boy-Didn't yer see de big
package of clothing dat came for his wife
from the dry goods store?
Stolen fruits, it would seem, are not al
ways the sweetest. Little Johnnie hap
pened to find the pantry door open, and as
no one was looking, he helped himself to
the first thing he could lay his hands on.
When his father came home and heard
about it he said:
MY boy, did you like the pie you stoe?"
NO. dad" replied Johnnie, 81 heard ma
coming, and so had to gobble it up in a
hurry"
They had been watching for some time
the slowing of freight into the capacious
hull of lake steamer when, rather unex-
pectedly, operations ceased and the boat
pulled out.
whats that boat going off for" in
quired the lady.
Possibly" responded the man abstract
eddy, because it is loaded"
The lady looked around for a dray pin to
hit him with, but there was none. and the
river flowed silently on.
Agent have here, madam, one of the
greatest inventions of the century. 1t is
known as the everlasting suspepder. BY
the aid of this marvellous invention no but
tons are required. Think, madam, OF
never having to sew button on your hus
bands trousers
Lady of the House, don't think that
would do
Agent-Consider, madam; reflect
LADY, tell you ! don't want it. If
didn't sew on "A button for my husband oc
casionally how on earth would l ever gel
him to buy me new gown
Pompey is bright negro boy, employed
to do light work and run errands in Il
boarding house. He has learned a good
many things in the course of his eight
years of life, but the art of reading clock
face is not as yet completely under his con
| troll
The expedients to which he resorts tc
conceal his ignorance on this and other
points are many and amusing.
what time is it, Pomp?" asked young
man, into whose room the boy had brough hi
hodful of coal, and who had not yet got
out of bed.
Pompey studied the clock face anxiously
for some seconds, and then said, in an in
gratiating tones
'It's one o. dem times dat ! can jes per
cisely maxi out what time it am, Mist
wilkins, sab But one oh de hands Il
pintin todes you, sah an de udder is pintir
right todes me, sab, an reckon you know