Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-08-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

'sHard lines" said Mr.. Flunker.
when he couldn't translate passage in
Homer.-Yale Record.
"Hullo, Bronson! You look hot. How
did you get in that condition2" "Open-
ing car window to cool off. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
Jagson says it is strange nobody ever
finds out what the wild waves are saying
although ever so many go to sea.-Elmira
Gazette.
"Miss Budd is very sharp girl"
eyes, indeed. l guess that is why she
cuts so many Of her acquaintance. -
The Club.
There is never so much excitement
when man begins to smell rat as when
woman first sees mouse.-Philadel-
phia Times.
81 felt so cheap during the ceremony"
confessed the bride to her dearest friend.
'Why, my dear9' "'Because pa gave me
away" detroit Free Press.
"Do you believe all you see, Hicks2"
"No. l see you whenever we meet,
but don't believe you more than tenth
OF the time. Brooklyn Life.
A woman will fight her relatives any
time for her lover, and when he becomes
her husband will work him any day tor
her relatives.-Atchison Globe.
He treated me coldly last night,
And yet Fm not mad, as 'twould seem,
For his treatment hailed with delight
He bought me six plates of ice-creaml
boston News
Said the lecturer t.The roads up
these mountains are too steep and rocky
for even a donkey to climb; therefore, I
did not attempt the ascent. boston
Transcript.
Amy-"Has he ever loved any other
girl befores" Mabel--"No; that doesn't
worry me. What want to know is if
he will love any other girl in the future"
-Harpers Bazaar.
"What! Do you dine in that fourth.
rate placea" "Only when am not
hungry. What is the use of wasting
good food on a poor appetlteF-In-
dianapolis Journal.
.'Do you know Widdiken's widows"
"Oh, yes." 81 hear she is going to con-
test the old mans will" 'I don't won
der at all. She always did whenhe was
alive" e!"-Chicago News.
''Do you think that truth is stranger
than fction2" 81 don't know" replied
the cautious man; "when some people
that know get through with it, gener-
ally seems to be."-Washington Star.
She-"How did you and Tom Hillow
happen to get married, Blanche?'
Blanche-"We were both single, you
know2" "Yes2" "Well, we married
to get even. Smith S Gray's Monthly.
She Ito Cousin George, who has just re-
turned from the tropics)-"Oh, George,
dear, how kind of you to bring me this
dear little monkey! How thoughtful you
are! But-but-it's just like you'll
Funny Folks.
First Student-''How did you get on
in your examination9" Second Student
-"Badlyl And to add insult to injury
one of the professors was hard of hear
ing, so that had to repeat in very loud
tone everything did not know
Fliegende Blaetter.
"Do you kill the germs in the hydrant
water, ma'am2' queried the family ply
sician. "Ses, try to, DOCTOR" "You
boil the water, l suppose. ''Not now,
doctor; it's so thick we bake it"-Chi-
cago News Record.
Wells-"I hear that stingy old Grab
gold has really married shop girl"
Griggs-"Yes, but everybody knows
that he never would have fallen in love
with her it he hadn't found her at the
fve-cent counter. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Miss Irene Kersmith, lin rapturesl-
O, she plays that Beethoven symphony
so beautiiullyw Little Johnny Ker-
smith-'ls it hard piece to playi'
"Hush, johnny Yes; it's very diff.
cult "Is that why she's maxim all
them ugly faces at .tF'-Chicago Fri.
bune.
A comedy scene followed the third act
of tragedy at theatre in an English
provincial town, The villain had me.
his death, and the curtain was lowered.
but hung three feet above the stage. ALI
efforts to lower Il proved unayalling until
tho corpse arose from the stage aud said,
in sepulchral tones, as he dragged down
the curtain, Ono rest, even ia the
g-r-r-r-ayo"
A highly humorous legend Is appended
10 magnificent drawing hy llaifei II
was during the last war Ia Italy; .
group Of French Greualliers are camping
round tlre that Is being put out by the
rain, which falls la torrents, An old
Sergeant, with an air of grim satlsiae-
tlon, rubs his hands aud eSelainsi
"Wont those AnstTlans eome Ia ior .
drenehing lie Petit Partisan.
Eihe-"nid George play feoihall
while he was al eollegeN Maud-"No,
| don't think he aid. EHia--aD.i np
row oa lhe cres e. Maud--''l aeyeg
heard any lhing about IA" Eliie -"fheu
he must have played baseball, Maud
tile never sail anything about i.
Ina pretty sufe hc dldnt, Ihoaghl
Elie-'ttnala eefy qusef," Maud
.Mhyt" kiile- olieeausu heart hs
asaa tfFaHuaf.sI tsItEN H4u.tfs a. -II...aHl