Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1892-08-06
PITI AND POINT.


a wife, "Pretty and entirely ignorant of
the fact It'd Bits.
"Bloggs has wonderful ability for
keeping out OF trouble" "Good
natured2" "No; Splinter. w Washing
ton Star.
There's an enduring sympathy between
the small boy and the growing weels
He has no desire to hurt them in the
least. Post.
Professor what does the poet
Klopstock owe his fame3 Students
"ro the fact that nobody ever reads
him. "-Fliegende Baetter.
The Saddest, weariest, sorriest time
That ever springs beneath the sun
And puts all teulpers out OF chime,
Comes when holiday is done
Washington Star
Edna-"There' Flora Hardup wearing
her last summers hat with new trimming
on it." Myrtle-"Yes, recognize it,
it's the chip off the old block. Kings
Jester.
Husband-"You say you've had that
bonnet six months. Why, I've never
seen it before" Wife-"l know it.
only wear it to church New York
Herald.
He-"Have YOU heard?" She
"What" He-"Miss Spinster is going
to be married" She-''Oh, yes, I've
heard that ever since can remember.
Pick Ne Up.
Old Grumpley-"The younger genra-
ton in this country is shameless, mex
pressibIy wicked" Young Roundly-
"Yes. The effects OF heredity are terri
bic. New York Herald.
"What was all that row in your place
this morning, Bagley2 Was your h pise
on ire?' THAT Oh, no; that was
only wife and I trying to get our johnny
out of bed. boston Post.
Peuelope-''Why do you say Charles
Nixen is like a spy glass2' Perdita-
"Because can draw him out, see right
through him, and when i am tired of him
shut him up. "-Brooklyn Life.
Architect--'Mrs. Trotter has given
me instructions regarding the principal.
rooms. Have yol any thing to SUI
gest" Trotter-"Yesi be sure to see
that the stairs don't creak. st. Louis
Republic.
Uncle Andre TO his nephew)-"You
should always be modest, my child"
Nephew-''I havs thought that matter
over, uncle. There is just one objection
to modesty-peopIc are apt to take you
at your own valuation. "-Figero.
Summer was late this year, but it came
at last A dealer in house fuel, mot hay
ing been able to clear out his stock,
| posted on his door the following notice;
"Good fire wood for the summer season,
giving out very little heat. "-Intransi-
geaut lliustre.
Visitor-"Thlt is a very intelligent
/ looking man; ism t his insanity doubtful
Asylum Attendant--"Ol, no; his case
/ is hopeless. His hobby is patent Their
mometer that will agree with the Gov
ernment weather forecasts. Kate
Fields Washington.
Smith, was sorry to hear, Brown,
that you have failed in business" Brown
Eyes, l struggled hard, but lost
everything, save my honor, aud the
property was wise enough to settle on
my wife when l found myself getting
into trouble. Texas Siftings.
Tommy Fauntleroy with scorn)-
"Ah, ha, you amt seen the circus n
have Willie Jonesy-"That all fright.
l amt been to the circus, but I'm goin'
to hide in yer wocdshed wen yer pa
finds out about them windy panes yuse
bruck. Chicago News Record.
"What's the trouble between you and
Widgely2 You were friends while you
lived in the city" eyes, but you sec
we bought adjoining property in the
suburbs" "What of that" ''Why,
he's crank on fine poultry and I'm
growing garden, Chicago News
Record.
Shortly before his elevation to the
bench, certain Judge entered Con
tinental no Ell, and asked who was stay
ing there. Among others the "Duke OF
Blank" was mentioned. He slipped q
sovereign into the hand of the head
waiter, and whispered: "Put me at the
table next to the Duke of Blank" In
the evening he found that he was placed
at the other end of the room from the
Duke, and called the head waiter to ex-
plain. "Wcll, sir, replied the official,
"the fact is that the Duke gave me two
sovereigns to put you as far from him a.
possible. Tit Bits