The morning call., 1892-12-04
INVITATIONS TO SMILE.

INVITATIONS TO SMILE.
Jagson says that "never trust a man till
you know him" is good advice. but you
never know some men till you trust them
Elmira Gazette.
A Paradox.
When man undertakes piece Of ticklish
business he never feels like laughing .-Chi-
cago Inter Ocean.
A Cruel Man.
Clara-What shall sing for you, Jaek2
Jack-Have you song with a refrain?
Clara-Ies.
Jack-well. then, please refrain.-w Wonder.
A Close Observer.
The medical men say that kleptomania is
a disease. We have observed that its vic
tins are always taking something for it,
Binghamton Leader.
A Good Reason.
Schooltea eher-Why were the prisoners
who were executed called "poor sinners?
Scholar-Because the rich sinners always
get off.-Der Hausfreund.
Valuable Information.
A census gatherer was engaged in collect
ing the papers from the various houses in
rather low district in one of the principal
towns in Scotland. On receiving the doeu-
u
was much amused 10 find under the heading
Condition as to Marriage" the words
written: Hard up afore marriage, worse
afterward. "-Dundee News.
No Harm Could Be Done.
Mrs. Parvaynuh-1'm most afraid to wear
more than four diamond necklaces tO-onct.
for fear it will make me appear vulgar.
Mrs. Heighlife-0h. you needn't be afraid
On that score.-Chicago News-Record.
An Unfortunate Creature.
Extract from a sentimental young lady's
letter: Last night | sat 10 gondola on
Veniee's Grand Canal drinking it all in. and
life never seemed so fun fore."-Scraps.
An Appropriate Inscription.
"Can you suggest an inscription TO go
over the gates Of the new cemetery the
president asked the editor. LET me see,"
replied the editor; how would this do?
We have come TO stay. New York
World.
Anything to Get the Doctor.
Doetor-Wby, how is this. my dear sir?
You sent me letter stating that you had
been attacked by measles, and l find yon
suffering from rheumatism.
Patient-WelI, you see, doctor, 1t Is like
this: tn ere wasB't soul IN the house that
knew how to spell rheumatism.-Har
Bazaar.
No Doubt OF II.
"Do you believe in the transmigration OF
souls. Joee"
whats that, slip"
why. for instance. that that COW has had
a prior existence III another form-perhaps
been being like myself"
Ion, no doubt the cows been q calf
Judy.
Getting Into Society.
understand you are teaching physical
culture. Miss de Booiop?"
''0b, yes i was bound to be recognized
by good society, If not in one way then
another. detroit Tribune.
A rlean Trick.
Mrs. Park Slope-That new family across
the way played mean trick on me to-day.
Mr.. Park Slope-How?
Mrs. Park Slope-They moved in while l
was downtown shopping .-Brooklyn Eagle.
Poor Little Child.
President S. p. C. C.-Here. little one. we
can't let you 60 onto the stage again.
Where is your mother?
Little One-Oh. she's the baby tight-rope
walker. and I'm waitin' fur her to get
through and SO home.-Chicago Trlbune.l
Snatched From the Grave.
DR.. Pulser Yes, sir. / have literally
snatched men from the gravel
Stokes-Is that so? When?
Dir. Pulser-When l was a medical stu
dent, sir Life.
A Fatal Hitch.
"How Is your love affair getting onF"
"H'ml A hitch somewhere?"
Yes; fatal hitch"
''What was it?"
''She married another."-New York Press
Bound to Rise.
"He's only q representative as yet, but l
think that in time he will become power
in politics"
.Good talker. is hep"
No; keeps his mouth shut."-N. Y. Press.
Too Many Lunatics Now.
"Doctor. believe you are an insanity ex-
pert"
"Why?"
There are so many people fulfilling eiec.
ton wagers that it is quite Impossible to
discriminate. Washington Star.
WiilfuI Submission.
The four children had been naughty
again aud the mother called them up for
you've been very naughty" she said.
taking of her slipper, "all Of you, and
shall have TO punish you. Now, whereshall
/ begin?"
I'm the same old place, guess" said one
of them. LAYING himself across her knee
Detroit Free Press.
Economical Fiattery.
Wife-Nothing for me9 Then you have
forgotten that this is my birthday
Husband-Not at all. Only didn't wish
to remind you that you've grown older, as
you don't look it.-Boston Globe.
There Were So rIany.
Maid-Gentleman wishes TO see you mem.
Here's bis card.
Miss Flirte-Um-I don't remember that
name.
"He said. mem. that you was to see him
or else give him something of his you had"
1t must be some one met at the springs
last summer. Take that box Of rings and
tell him to pick out BIZ" New York
Weekly.
A Bad Bargain.
Eve changed my mind twice to-day"
said Willie Washington. "Weil." said his
brutal friend. "yod don't mean to saw that
you got the worst OF the trade?"-Wash-
ingtcn Star.
What They All Say.
III l were to ask you TO marry me. what
why. Mr.; Jonesby." she faltered. really
this is so sudden"
II thought So" he answered; 'thats
about what they all say. Much Obliged"
And then he said IL was time for him to
go.-Wa shington Star.
He Was Bored.
She-You are very polite to yawn in my
presence.
He-My dear friend, husband and wife
are one and the same, and when 1 am alone
II am bored Ia Eiraro