The Penn's Grove record., 1892-03-04
E INVENTIONS.

Commissioner Mitchell of the Patent
Office, he alluded TO the flood of pat
EMS for tbe slot machines in which
Won drop A coin and got something.
"Yes.n said he "the slot division is
being pushed, night and day. 1t be-
gins to look as if the drummer and
the sales.ady would equally be super
coded by this speechless monster, and
every mortal want would come to be
supplied through the slot. Why, Just
look here" And he produced draw
ings and specifications of numerous
machines. standing about as high as Il
man. and of incredible fecundity.
"Uere's the first" he went on. 'sDrop
a nickel in the slot and it will weigh
Won and push Won out a little card
with vour avoirdupois stamped neatly
upon it. Here's another that will tell
your ace for a nickel without the slight
est assistance. Here's one that sells ice
water-a glass for one cent and makes
change for YOU from a coin of any
sort. II has made lis appearance on
the streets of Chicago and Minneap-
oils. and the MAYOR has ordered the
folice to protect il, nj a temperance
allv. and il is anticipated that it will
shortly stand near all the crowded cor
ners of every great city. Here's one
that dispenses soda water all
by itself-punch in your nickel
and YOU get your soda. Here's
another that proflers any one of four
teen sorts of liquors, including a Yam
kee cocktail. And here's the best of
hom ou-,ool- of tba e,oborata clocR-
uo,L :, -. ,n,erior Soc the kero-
sepa lamn on ono side and the ice
chamber on the other. and the asbestos
'betwaan - This il sunposed to stand
coins and majestic on n corner of the
rtroet its fires always burninc like
those of tho Aztec altars of sacrifice.
its ice ALWAYS freezing like that of the
Jcelandic hades. silently Offering its
treasures to the passer-by. OF any
of sixteen thiugs IL oiyes him five
cents worth, The fluids come out of
the faucets: the solids are showed
down tbe little inclined planes on
either side. Only one thing is want
inp-o city directory: and that will
doubtless come later. After the slot
has enrulfed the Stimulated coin, it
Immediately responds with the re-
uuired refreshmeut on the hand being
turned TO the mark and allowed to re-
main over it.
/ looked into the bowels of this I'M
speakable salesman. Its interior is
wonderfully elaborate: wheels and
coos and elbows and levers and shafts
and eccentric movements conspiring
to the desired end. l turned away
with u sense of dizziness. There have
been three hundred patents granted
for the slot machines and two hundred
are pending. The very latest is the
application of the device to toilet
rooms-one cent being dropped in the
slot. The cannon plough is Il presum-
ably convenient implement for sub
and warfare on the frontier, |
for, as the ploughbeam is hollow and
it can instantly be wheeled and
fired, killing the Indians and horses
whichever happens 10 be in the way.
But the same inspired genius has patent
ed the pistol pocketbook-when the III
nocent and unsuspecting burglar asks
you for YOUR ~pocketbook YOU careless
" take it out and einpt lis contents
INTO his abdomen.
There is a claim i'll the patent office
Tor u patent on the Lords prayer, the
modification being that the repetition
If the same rsnid and i'm 81 lond tome
# voice. will cme s~tammeriny.
,moug odd inventions are chicken
,on,Ias ubioh nall ,ha obiolan r;oh,
@ n, ,ho ..;o. 60