Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1892-07-23
plTH AND POINT.

Statesman.
If the eyes and the nose are fairly
counted the eyes will always have q two
thirds meiority-Dallas News.
A youngster who gets the slipper pretty
often says his mother belongs to a "smlrt
set. - Binghantoa Republican.
The man who goes about trying to sell
his own autobiography takes his life in
his own hands, SO to speak.-Statesman.
1t will help you to be charitable towarl
others to remember that other folks have
Just as much mule in them as you have.
Rams Horn.
The boy on the farm approaches his
turning period when the haying grind.
stone is brought out for use. Bingham
ton Republican.
Professor-"One swallow can't make
a summer" Frencamau -''B1t one
matchmaker can supply a spring. y
jewelers. Weekly.
1t Is said that nature abhors vacuum,
fact which probably accounts for the
rush of blood to some peoples heads
Harvard Lampooa.
Marriage will continue to be failure
till our young women learn to support
man in the style he has always been &C
customed to.-Elmira Gazette.
Fair Passenger wonder why the
ocean is SO restIess9" Gallant Mate
"How could you expect it to lie easy
with so many rocks inIts bed? ''--Harper's
Bazaar.
You can safely trust the promoter.
my son; but it is always proper to re-
member that his business is to promote
his own fortune, not yours.-Bostoa
Transcript.
"Silence gives assent, you know he
urged gently. 'Does it9' she, replied,
waking from reverie. ''Then I'd ad-
wise you to propose to deaf mute. -
Washington Star.
Wonderful Presence of Mind: Actor
(pointing to the right Here comes the
king with his retiuael (suldenly sees
the king on the left side Ia! here co mes
another one File .ende Blastter.
Mistress (writing letter for her maid)
-"Anything more2" Maid-"Just say
please, miss, that my pen is bad, l
hasn't got dictionary ANDY, so please
excuse bad spe!lin' and writin'. Judy.
money talks, my boy, money talks, y
remarked Mr.. GotIox. "Strange,
though, with the amount of talking it
does.' commented young Arduppe, sit
SO seldom gives itself away. Indian
apolis Journal.
The Young Man-''G Oracle, what is it
your father sees in me to object to, darl-
ing'" The Young Woman (wiping away
a tear--" He doesn't see anything in
you, Aigernon. That's why he OBJ
jects. "-Gnicago Tribune.
$50 you have trampcd all the way
from New York;" '.Yes, sir u
"Couldn't you get employment thereg"
''No, came pretty near having place
in Bowery restaurant. "Why pre-
vented youi" II couldn't learn the
language. w Washington Star.
Assistant sorry to say, sir, that
another genuine poem got in by mis-
take this month" Magazine Editor
"Heavensl Your mad to say it, Any
news from our rea iers?' Assistant
"Qne sudden death aad six Frustrated
by the shock. Atlanta Constitution.
The Unintentlonai; TIE Minister'S
Wife(to industrial scholar --"Elizi Jane,
am sorry to hear from your schoolmis-
tress you are not diligent at your needle
work. You know who it is finds work
for idle hands 10 do!" Eliz, Jane Tin
tensely anxious to propitiate) =" Yesm'
please m, you dol'-Tid Bits.
81 have come to the conclusion that
you are a paradox, Miss Lovely said
the youth, addressing the fair maiden.
"a paradox. How do you make that
out" "You are the gentlest and most
amiable young lady in the world, q
"Well?" And yet you are always look
ing killing. New York Press.
Mrs. Van Stuyvesaut--'I understand
that Mrs. Van Amsterdam was not at all
pleased with Padder. Eff3y's piano play
ing2" Mrs. Van Cortlandt-- "why
notl' Mrs. Van Stuyvesant -"Why,
you see, the stupid fellow didn't tell a
soul that she gave him $1,000 to play at
her last reception. Chicago News Re-
cord.
Frederic So What's the mattah, Chol-
ly2 You look bothered" Cholly--tsl
anne me boy, twoubled." 'toyah what2'
"Why, don't you know, have just
been chatting to Miss Derrop for au
houah or SO, feeling blue, don't ye know.
Just awfter little silence, ye know, l
said: Don't you know me thoughts are
very painful Miss DeTrop? She looked
up and said, Il have always found them
So And now, by Jove. what did she
mean by that, now2p- Chicago News.
4 Record.