Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1892-06-13
THE RELATIONSHIP PUZZLE.


Il was at the hour when the shades of
night begin to fall and the curses wander
homeward to roost. The weary wayfarer
gave last gulp and said:
81 cannot repay you in scudi for your
kindness, madame. But here is little
puzzle which may serve to while away an
idle hour. My father, left widower at
the age of forty seven, married maiden of
seventeen, and upon the following day my
brother Lyman, welded her mother, then
a widow Of thirty-six. In due time son
was born to each couple 1t may afford
you some little amusement in estimating
the various relationships my father now
bears to Lyman, to Lymans wife and Ly-
mans child; also to himself and his own
wife and child. You might also calculate
the relationship Lyman bears to his own
wife and child and to his father and the
latter's wife and child. But must be on
my way. Good evening" And he was
gone.
When Isham G. Hicks, the husband of
the benevolent lady, returned home some
what later he found the wife of his bosom
suffering from violent headache, the re-
suit of an hours graphing with the puz-
zle. She repeated it to him and retired
much earlier than was her wont. And
Isham G. laughed aloud and declared that
a woman had no head anyhow, and sat him
down to work out the puzzle in fourteen
minutes.
When Mrs. Hicks awoke in the gray of
the morning her husband was not by her
side. AS she stepped quietly to the sitting
room door she heard him say in dreary
monotone:
"Lyman's -baby-is-the-ha -brother-of- his
fathers stepmother -who-is also-his- faith
r's-stepdaughter-and- his-mother's-d augh-
ter-and-oh-dear-me-how-my -head-aches
The leaves of huge scratch tablet lay
about him like drift of snow all covered
with figures and diagrams, and before.
| him was sheet setting forth fourteen
propositions of which the following is
fair sample:
1.-THE older man is the father-in-law of
his mother-in-law and the husband of his
| grandson's half sister, who is also the
child's step-grandmother"
Wisps of auburn hair lay about on the
table.
Hicks remained in bed all that forenoon
with ice on his brow and muttered drearily
sentences like these:
tiio NiAS 10 Ais bttDJ o null ,
half nephew's mothers son-in-law-no,
that isn't it. His sons wife is his own
mother-in-law and mother of his grand
sons half sister-uml uni His mother-in-
law is-oh, dear me!''
In the afternoon he went down to the
lumber yard and told the puzzle to the
men there assembled, and they all laughed
him to scorn and then figured on the
smooth side of thirty-six square feet of
lumber and had three fights without get
ting as far as Hicks had gone in the still
watches of the night. A husbandman who
drifted in to trade horses became involved
and beat his steed all the way home
The puzzle permeated every nook and
corner of the village. Two popular mem
bers of the Y. M. c. A. slapped each
others faces over it, Colonel Hooks pulled
the nose of tourist to whom he was try
ing to sell land, and all the boys in town
fought over it.
One John P. Smith attacked the wife of
, his bosom with ferocity and a scythe and
knocked her into the well, where she
speedily drowned. A mob chased Mr.. Smith
thirteen geographic miles and gave him five
minutes in which to show cause why he
should not be lynched, whereupon he de-
clared that the demise of Mrs Smith was
attributable to divine providence and a
stone over which she had stumbled, the
same throwing her into the well. His sole
intention had been to bestow upon her a
well merited castigation for introducing
the relationship puzzle into the household,
thereby assassinating the peace and har-
mony of the same.
This announcement resulted in a pro-
longed and earnest debate upon the part
of the string band, which continued until
the sheriff and posse rescued Mr. Smith
and bore him to town. Court was in ses-
sion at the time and the case came up for
trial on the morrow. 1t was dark when
the jury was sent out. They canvassed
the case thoroughly Hicks who was
among them, detailed the puzzle and ex
hibited his tally sheet.
At o'clock in the morning the door was
burst open and the jury fell down the
stairs fighting like demons. The stove had
been overset and the building was soon in
flames. The hook and ladder company
swirled up and ran over three gentlemen,
two Of whom Immediately assaulted two
firemen, whereupon the whole body of the
latter attacked the entire jury impartially.
The alarm of fire aroused the village and
the majority of the citizens appeared on
the scene. Judge Begad denounced the
firemen for rioting in the face of the de-
stroyer and was attacked by the foreman
of the company. Several citizens went to
the assistance of the judge and three men
whom he had fined jumped in to help the
foreman.
And thus the fight waxed The fire was
forgotten. The rival editors wrangled and
then fought, and their printers took sides.
The members of the various lodges could
not stand by and see their brethren mauled,
and they, too, rushed into the fray. The
Rev. Mr.. Marks mounted a hitchrack and
cried peace, and G. man whom he had mar
ried to harridan week before smote him
with an AK helve, and Deacon Cronk ran to
the minister's assistance. In three minutes
nearly every churchman in town was in
the fracas The rival undertakers fought.
Every man who had grudge against any
other man tried to get satisfaction then
and there, and all the debtors attacked
| their creditors.
A gale had sprung up, and before the fire
| had been got under control the major por
ton of the business part of the village was
| in ashes This threw many men out OF
employment and they moved away soon
after. Others seeing that there would be
no boom for many moons, departed Sew
eral capitalists who had been about to
make investments Immediately folded
there tents. The grand jury found true
bills against many of the participants in
the great fight, and they all fled like the
wind Nobody would buy property and
the real estate agents left.
The number of the voters was so reduced
that rival town secured the county seat
and with it went everybody who could get
away. The newspapers both went. Many