Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1892-04-03
NEWGAG.

name, but 1t was the one under which ne
was best known by those who best knew
him. 1t had been thrown at him in a cafe
one night by a newspaper man after the
performance, and had chung to him. It's
significance lay in the fact that his gags
supposedly comic things said by presum-
ably comic men in nominal opera or bur.
lesque-invariably were old The man who
bestowed the title upon him thought it
fine bit Of irony.
Newgag received it without EXPRESSED
resentment but without mirth and he
bore It's repetition patiently as seasons
went by. He was accustomed to enduring
calmly the Jests, the indignities that were
elected by his peculiar appearance. his
doleful expression, his slow and bunglipg
speech and movement, his difident manner
He was one of the forbearing men. the
many who are doomed to continual suffer
ing of a kind that their sensitiveness and
timidity make il the more difficult for
them to bear. Undying ambition burned
beneath his undemonstrative surface.
dauntless courage lay under his lack of
ability.
He was an extremely spare man. of ex-
traordinary height and the bend of his
shoulders gave the small head a comical
thrust forward. His black hair was with
out curl and it would tolerate no other ar
rangement than being combed back
straight. 1t was allowed TO grow down
ward until it scraped the back Of Newgag's
collar, device for concealing the meager-
ness of his neck.
lie had smooth pale face, slanting
from ears to nose like "a wedge. and the
dimness of the blue eyes added to its i'm.
Prospective cast. lie blushed, as a rule
when he met new acquaintance was adj
dressed suddenly. He had gloomy look
and hesitating way Of speech An anus
ing spectacle was his mechanical looking
smile, which, when he became conscious
Of it, passed through several stages ex-
pressiYe of embarrassment until hisuormal
mournful aspect was reached
As he usually appeared in q sack coat
when off the stage, the length of his legs
was divertingly emphasized. After the
fashion of great actors of bygone genera
ton, he wore a soft black felt hat. dinged
in the crown from front TO rear.
He had entered "the profession from the
amateur stage, by way of the comic opera
chorus, and to that chance was due his
being located in the comic opera wing If
the great histrionic edjfce He had orig
inally preferred tragedy; but the first con
sideration was the getting upon the stage
by any means. Having IuduStriouslv
worked his way out of the chorus he had
been reconciled 10y habit TO his environ
ment and had come TO aspire TO eminence
therein. He had reached the standing Of a /
secondary comedian-that is to say, man
playing secondary comic roles in the pieces /
for which he is cast. He was useful i'm |
yrgB .B4ss
directly controlled by their leading come |
dams; for there never could be any fear of /
his outshining those autocratic personages. |
Only in his widest hopes did he ever look !
upon the center Of the stage as spot posi- |
BILE for him to attain
His means OF evoking laughter upon the |
stage were laborious upon his part and ]
mystifying to the thoughtful observer. He |
took noticeable pains to change from his |
real self 1t mattered not what were the |
nature of the part he filled, he invariably |
assumed an unnatural, strained, rasping |
voice; he STRETCHED his mouth its utmost |
reach and lowered the extremities Of his [
lips; he turned his toes inward naturally |
his feet described an abnormal outward I
angle) and bowed his arms Brought up /
in the school which teaches that TO make /
others laugh one must never smile ones
self, he wore a grOtesquely iugubrious and
changeless cOuntenance. Such was New
gag in his every impers0nation. When he
thought he was funniest he appeared to be
in most pain and was most depressing
My methods are legitimate, anyhow
he would say when he had enlisted ones
attention and apparent admiration across
a table bearing beer bottles and sand
witches. "The people want horse play now
adays. But when I've got to descend TO
that sort Of thing I'll go TO the variety
stage or circus ring at once-or quit"
That's happy thought, old man.
said comedian Of the younger school one
night, when Newgag had uttered his
wonted speech. why don't you quit|
Such a speech sufliced TO rob Newgag Of
his self possession and to reduce him TO
silence. He could not cope with easy, Off
hand, impromptu testers. In truth, no
one tried more than Newgag 20 excel in
horse play" but his temperament or his
training did not equip him for eycelling IN
it; he defended the monotony, emptiness
and toilsomeness Of bis humor on the
ground that it was Legitimate"
One night Newgag drank two glasses Of
beer in rapid succession and looked at me
with a touching couutenauce.
"Old boy" he said. 10 bis hOmcly drawl, |
Pm discouraged. ! begin to think I'm
not in itW
why, what's wrOngy"
"Well--Tve dropped TO the fact that
after all these years la the business | cau't
make them laugh"
/ was about to say, so ou'v just awak-
med to that?" buJ pity and poHtcness de
erred me Every one els. had known it,
III these years. Newgag. 20 be sure, should
naturally have been as ue was the last TO
discover it,
Newgag thus went one step further than
my comedian have ever known. Having
detected his inability to amuse audiences,
he confessed it,
People who know actors and read this,
will already have said that it is a fiction
nd that Newgag's admission is false to {
ife. Not so; am writing not about come
ians in general, but about Newgag.
That he had come 20 so exceptional a con