Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1892-03-13
MULE VERSUS GOAT.
THE LATTER IS VICTOR IN AN sx-
CITING sTAeLE-YARo CONTEST.
The Idier" and HE Naval Friends Have
Trouble on Account OF the Weather
Tie Feit IN the Canal.

From time immemorial poets have sung
In lyric verse Of the hidden electricity
which turks in mulo's hind-leg. So also
the bards have long since adorned with
iaurels the massive biow of the William
goat, but 20 me-and me alone-'he muse
has allotted the duty to sing Oh both;
That Of which | shall write IL case OF
"Greok meet Greek" The scene Icy IN
stable-yafd In Richmond. The mule was
malicious, and the twinkle in his
eve denoted mischief. He was not
working that daY and frisked about inc
ward free from the restraint OF harness;
After enjoying half-hour's froiic he had
concluded that there was nothing mean
for him TO do. when suddenly he espied
horse hitched TO wagon and patiently
WAITING its masters return. The aslnine
snec,men almost smiled out loud. and he
styaiohtwag went In the direction OF the
horse and commenced biting IL. And now
the coat--the beast of theintellectual fore,
bead-appears upon the scene. The caprid
representative had Just devoureh tne
"idler,s D last letter, and was thoroughly
ENJOYING the DIsPATcH's recent account
of the Ram Merrimao," when his
attention was attracted by the M
generous conduct of the mule. indig-
nation flashed in his eye.. and IN
meditatiye spiris he cracked his horns
against brick wall to see that everything
was in working order and sailed toward
the long-eared brute. The mule was
totally unsuspectIng, when all OF sudden
he felt terrific shock az II thunderbolt
has struck him. Tho goat had hit him
souarely in the chest. Seeing that some
thing had to be done his inuieshlp
quickly charged the galvanic bat.
ferries Of his hind heels with 2,O10
volts of electricity and swung nimseIt
into action. He hurled his ironclad hoois
al tho goat with terrific violence ana vleu
with the premiere danselSs of a ballet troup
in fancy kicking, but he never 40 much as
touched the whiskered gallant who. IN;
shifted him. The goat went through al
The figures of quadrille First, he would
chassez forward" Swing corners"
turn his partner" and then KISS tne
fddlor.n The mule furnished the music
of the dance. fot he beloved Ike from
hone. He has not worked since, but the
goat is IA literary as ever anc stiil taxes
special delight in newspapers
-
There are no places where one can study
human nature SO we'll as at the police-sts-
tons. and if, perchauce, you drop IN one
of them for an hour or so, you can see
many interesting things. The officers on
dufv are ALWAYS ready for little gossip,
provided. of course. their duties are over;
md. Ike the newspaper men, they know
something interesting about every one IN
the CITY A few nights ago pitltui Dut very
ludicrOus thing occurred az the oecohu
station. IL was way late IN the hignt'
AMI tho big fat sergeant" was on duty,
Int things were awfully dull, and as he sat
fhrouph tho long wearying hours he con;
tiuuallv blinked at the bright gas-llght ana
thought of HE comfortable home and happy
family. Suddenly he heard footsteps, anu
lacking M he saw one of tho officers
enterinv the room and with him was re-
Inarkable specimen OF humanity. lie was
n CAPTIVE, of course, and had gotten INTO
the "bluocOst's " clutches, but ms appear
once indicated that he had fallen among
thieves. for he was IN most decided state
of dsslqJNf. IL will not be necessary to
specify what he did not have on,
but II will be simple justice to state
that ono foot was adorned Win
shoe. while the other was only clothed III
stocking In fact, the prisoners appear
ance indicated that he had Just Oeeh
aroused from his bed and had not been o.
lowed due time IN which TO dress himself
whats ths?" demanded the Sergeant.
II am an artist-printer,n was the response
In a tone which indicated that lack OF sur
fcieut clothing was not the only trOaDie.
"1'ake II away" said tue Sergeant stcrnly,
and the poor fellow was placed IN cell.
where soon his troubles were BURIED IN
slunbcr In "A few minutes policeman
No. 2 entered, bearing with HIM hat,
coat. and vest which he had founu,
and which evidently were part 0t
the prisoners missing apparel. shorty
afterwards guardian" No. made his
anpearance. and trumphantly presented
uair of trousers and one shoe. Thus the
garments of the artist printer" were
gathered together. The poor fellow
while wandering around after "a nights
frolic had fallen into the canal, and after
getting out Of the sluggish waters he had
become Impressed with the necessity OF
removing his wet clothing. Hesucceeded
right well, but one shoe would persist id
clingiEg 10 his foot.
There are some twenty or thirty muscu-
lar printers in our posing-room, and as
all of them outweigh the "Idler" by at
least twenty pounds, no has wisely con-
cluded that il is best for hun to write all
his stun Oh the typewriter. lhey say
his manuscript is beautiful nowadays, bat
somehow, when the lndoient scribe Is
pounding away on the machine ana I'M
Iaveling from his BRAIN ms intricate lo1eS;
IL hurts his feelings to hear the little bell
ring. He thinks 1t hard case
that even the typewriter should
make suggestions about chestnuts."
But if the printers force the Idle" " to
be subjected to such iudignitles what do
thev say when they tackle DIR. w. ". Par
ker's manuscript Certainly their excla-
nations must be blood-curdling for the
Doctor. Heaven bless his SOUL He Is one
of the best men IN the world-writes the
worst hand of anybody | have ever seen.
q YES, it looks nice enough and 10 almost
pretty, but attempt TO read II. Why, bless
YOU, no human being except type-setter.
and perhaps the Doctor himself, would ever
have any idea what It meant. L nave
always half-suspected that the printers
only made out the first few words and
then guessed at the rest, At any rate,
when his articles appear in the papers
they are always readable always well ex-
pressed, and always to the point. when
Won see the pretty little poems by Truth
fu Jeems" (James A. Gentry, you never
for q moment imagine how they appear, III
manuscript. but o il you only saw ms
writing once. 1t is horrible-yes. horrible!
His copy looks like It might be anything
on earth except English, and you can read
IL. or imagine you are reading 1t, any way
on earth, and II will appear as much Ike
what Won are thinking about as what
Truthful deems" intended 1t TO be.
Brother Gentry, your ideas are always
good and your poetry exceedingly ciover,
but you will never get me TO THINK tnat
Won Can eADlcSS tucui Ia 80
verify | believe you cominunicate them 70
the printer by personal magnetism"
and not through tho medium OF your
III good writing had been one Of the re-
ouisifes for election TO the last Legislature
aBevn Munford would never have gotten
there for his hand is awfully hard to read,
and vet he is one of the most tuen; speak
ers i ever heard. 1t Is absolutely luxurious
a TO take him down in shorthand when, he Is
debating, for he goes along as smoothly as
condola in Venetian waters-never too fast
ard never too slow. and when you tran
scribe your notes you ind that you are
handling good, pointed English.
80
There were some awfully sore young
men on the last Fourth of July. when the
Richmond College boat-crew pulled in
ahead of tho Virginia Clubs osrsmen at
the regatta and won the laurels of the
contest. 1t was q complete surprise 20
everybody, even the friends of the victors.
who were too much amazed to give vent
10 the yells which generally charac-
terlze winning students. OF course
the silver cup, which had renamed
30 long IN the hands of the Viz
ginias, passed over 10 the collegians,
who bore il away in triumph. The