Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-02-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

China has revolution allie samee
South American man. .-Boston Herald.
A locomotive travels better and man
worse with headlight - Columbus Post.
The detective, like the dude, should
be catchy in his makeup. -Biaghanltoa
Republican.
How could critic ever become fa-
nous, if there were no minor poets to
flay2-Puck.
The successful politician must be sharp
enough to cut all the people who expect
favors from him.-Puck.
"How did your friend become Col
onel?" She--"He married Colonel's
widow. Boston Beacon.
Put handle to a mans name, evca if
he is crank. A crank without handle
is of little use.-Boston Transcript.
Corporal (at the inspection) )-"That
fellow looks as plump aud tat as if all
the cooks in the town had fallen in love
with him."
It's the woman who has brown plush
sacque on who can quickest tell seal
skin when she sees it on another woman.
Teas Sittings.
The kangaroo IS a funny animal. 1t
has four legs in all, but two of its legs
are longer than its fore legs put together.
--EImir0 Gazette.
Some papers make it the "grir,"
Others the "grippe." Still a spell of it
is bad enough no matter how taken.-
philadelphia Times.
A-"If l were minister I should
hate to dine at bankers table" B.
"Why" A--"Think of three days of
grace! !"-Yale Record.
If college men would only tackle the
world as they do their foot ball op-
ponents, the rest of us would never get
goal. York Herald.
How goodlooking some of us would
be could we only live up to the photo
graph which we regard as perfect like
ness !-Boston Transcript.
"Oh, mammal" cried Willie, on see
ing zebra for the first time, edo come
here and see this poor little convict pony"
-Harper's Young People.
Don't pen missives to your best girl
on postal cards. She may have sus-
picion that you do not care two cents
for her. Union County Standard.
Marriage seems never so much fail
ure to man as when something goes
wrong at home that he can't possibly
blame on his wife.-Atcbison Globe.
When Strephon, hearing in the dark
A step, gave Bridget Daphne's kiss
He evidently missed his mark
By having failed to mark his Miss.
Puck.
A hermit and tramp present about
the same general appearance; the dis
tinguishing feature is that one is a re-
cluse, the other a wreck loose Union
County STANDARD.
'My hair" mused Van Smythe, as he
carefully consigned his two remaining
wisps to their appointed places, "re-
minds me most painfully of fool and
his money. life.
There are lots of them in the world at
the foot of the procession who believe
they are at the head, though they admit
that the procession is going the wrong
way.-Atchison Globe.
"Did you ever notice how sometimes
the earth seems to smile at the sum-"
said the poetic young woman. "Oh,
yes" he answered. "The suns an old
flame of hers, you know"
Saidso-"When Joblots made his de-
but as a star the audience went wild;
the encore was terrific" Herdso-"In
which scene was it2" 1.-The one in which
he was beheaded. ."-Neo York Herald.
Tommy--"Wha is a running ac-
countT Pa says it's an account mer-
chants have to keep of customers that
are in the habit of running away from
paying their bills" Uncle--"That's
one definition of it." Tommy
there another2" Uncle-s'Yes. A run
ming account is, in some instances, an
account that gets tired out running
after while, and then it becomes
standing obligation. Boston Courier.