davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Few Incidents Showing That Some
People should BE Careful.

Few Incidents Showing That Some
People should BE Careful.
A WORD OF CAUTIoN.-The accident
that occurred to a ST. Louis man named
John Baker in this town last Friday even
ing was the result of a misunderstanding
which could not have come about had he
bosted himself on the rules of poker as
laid down in this locality. What is known
as q straight" is not counted here at all.
He supposed it was, and reached over for
the pot and was shot in the neck by Abe
Hungerford. Fortunately the wound is
not a serious one, and he will be able to be
about In a few days One of the first
things which stranger should do on his
arrival here is to post himself on our way
of playing poker. On most other things
he can slosh around in way to please
himself and will be excused on the ground
of ignorance, but our people are very
touchy ON poker and generally shoot first
and explain afterward. People Who call
at THE KICKER Office for the purpose Of
getting posted will be turned over to our
new agricultural editor, who is thorough
" up in all points and takes real pleasure
in imparting his knowledge to others.
CANE HOME TO RoosT-For the past
three weeks our esteemed contemporary
has been declaring in double loaded long
primer type that our removal" by some
wild eyed anarchist would please Provf-
dence and be of incalculable benefit to this
Aterritory Some stray copies of his paper
A0mehow reached Tombstone and fell into
he hands of a party who concluded to ac-
,ept the call" He buckled on his armor
md came over to make us feel sorry that
We were wealthy enough to change collars
hree times a week and keep a regular
Toothbrush on hand for emergencies, but
he made a sad mistake. He got here after
dark, and he got us mixed up with our es-
teenaed. About 10 o'clock he iung bomb
Of some sort into the Office Of car alleged
rival, and the explosion was heard IA over
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
The UncrushRd.

While 1 was being shaved the door
opened and in walked q humble looking
colored man about twenty-five years old,
who was saluted by the barber with a
"Hellol Sam-how was yo'p'
"Jim," said the other, after fidgeting
about for a minute, ''yo' was Engaged to
my sister Linda"
81 was, sab" was the reply. Eyes, sab,
mean Linda was Engaged, an was gwine
to become yO'r brudder-law."
"'Linda sent word"
Ibid she?"
Eyes. Linda wanted me to stop an tell
yo' sunthin'"
81 hope de deah angel hain't dun got
sick"
"Oh. no. She jes' dun got married to
Bill Lee dis mawnin', an she axed me to
stop an tell yO'."
"Wh-whatl Yo'r sister Linda dun got
married to dat niger Bill Leer' shouted
the barber as he waved his razor around
my head
Yes. She dun changed her mind bout
yo'"
''She did. ehl She did, ehI Boy, has "
got a fatfOOted, black hided, 'possun
faced sister named 'LindaS Great big gall
wild turnip culPd eyes an mouf as big as
dat doahi Sings like mewl, an makes
track in de mud like a elephanti Has yo'
got SIGH a sisteri"
II reckon So"
VERY we'll, sahl Yo' return to dat
sister an give her my compliments, an
tell her was married mo- dan two weeks
ago, an dat shs amt dun fooled me WORT
sAaeksl Good mawnin'l sAh-oAn aginr'
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Amusing a Boy.

1 saw an amusing thing at a local depot
not long ago. The gateman at this depot
lisped pitifully, and always seemed panied
when any one asked him a question. On
this special day a woman with a small boy
approached him and asked, "What time
does the next train leave for By"
''Theven thithty theven," he replied,
and the woman and her young hopeful re-
treated to the waiting room. She soon
emerged again, however, and approached
the gate man.
Excuse me-" she said, "but what time
did you say the next train left for By"
The gateman breathed a deep sigh and
answered laboriously:
"At Uneven thithty Uneven" Once more
the child and his ma withdrew and left the
poor man in peace. But he was not long
to enjoy this state of quiet felicity, for in
q few moments out she came again and
put the very same question. A look of ex-
ASPIRATION came over the mans face as he
said: "YOu hath lotht that train now,
madam. am tho thorry. 1t letht at
Uneven thithy Uneven, and it it'll the latht
that thOpth at B"
ooh, don't let that trouble you," she re-
piled with a sweetly patronizing smile
1--WE really didn't want that train, but my
little boy does like to hear you say seven
ffty-seven."
Thanks ever so much" the small boy
added. 'Goodby, mister. boston Bud
get
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
A Million Friends.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
and not less than one million people
have found Just such a friend in DIR.
Kings New Discovery for consump-
ton, coughs, and colds. II you have
never used this great cough medicine,
one trial will convince you that it has
wonderful curative powers in all dis
eases of throat, chest anu lungs. Each
bottle is guaranteed to do all that is
claimed or money will be refunded.
Trial bottles free at Woodbridge, Irvine
& Towler's drug store. Large bottles
SOC and 81. III dec2 1y
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Some Home Left

Mother" said the devoted son, bury
ing his face In her lap, "for four long
months have tried to get employment,
and am met everywhere with the same
answer" And the miserable youth
sobbed aloud.
MY dear son, said his loving mother,
"there is still hope. You know Greek
and Latin, and did not hear you say
yesterday that in this hour of trial
Browning was your greatest comfort.
81 did, mother" replied the youth.
"Then." cried his mother, CLEAN of
hope lighting her fond eye. ''do not de-
spair. If the worst comes to the worst.
you can apply for position as Boston
horse car driver."-Truth.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Copyright, 1892, by Charles B. Lewis.l

Limit.
copyright, 1892, by Charles B. Lewis.1
Mr.. Bowser had left the house at noon,
smiling and laughing and waving his hand
mt young Bowser. Five hours later he
stalked stiffiy up the steps, stalked down
the hall into the back parlOr, and standing
before Mrs. Bowser and pointing to the
left hand side of his collar he sternly said:
Mrs. BOwser, look at thatp'
AT what, dear?" she queried.
Cant you seer Couldn't blind man
see it forty rods away?"
as it your collar2 You mean it's frayed
out little mite ON the foldS"
"a little mitel Why the whole thing is
n mass of rags and tatters, and I've had to
run the gauntlet of a thousand people this
afternoon. If there was ever house run
on worse system than this I'd like to
hear of It'll No head-no tail-no body
Plenty of husbands in my situation would
commit some rash act. Thereof
Mr.. Bowser tore off the collar and threw
Ct on the floor and jumped on it, and then
picked it up and flung it out of the window.
You should be more careful" calmly
observed Mrs. BowSer as he stood glarinR
at her. "You have at least two dozen"-
81 should be more careful! What have
got to do with itS"
your dresser. That was probably the only
frayed one in the lot. You should examine
a collar before putting it on. You rushed
up and put that collar on while was still
at luncheon, and found the one you took
off lying in the lavatory."
THAT'S It'll Try to wriggle Quit I sup
pose you are not to blame that 1 haven't
got but one solitary suspender button left
on these trousers, and that 1 had to go into
a hardware store and buy horse nails be
fore 1 could get hOmel Just think of it
horse nails, Mrs. Bowser, and here they are
three of 'emP'
eyes, see. Those buttons are patent,
and can only be put on by tailor. A
month ago 1 wrapped that pair up and told
you to leave 'em at the tailor's You went
up stairs and put them on and rushed of,
and never saw them"
"And this shirt-you are not to blame
for this shirtT' he demanded, thinking it
wise to let up on horse nails.
whats the matter with your shirt
This is the first complaint have heard"
Matter? Can't you seer It's lopsidedl
It's squeegawedl It's turned top to bot
tom, and has been trying to climb over my
head all the afternoon If this house had
a head-if this house had head, Mrs
Bowser, my shirts
Let me see what's wrong" she inter
rupted as she rose up and turned down
the collar of his coat. mo wonder you
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
1t Was True.

Late in the evening a report spread
through the train that we had as a fellow
passenger a man worth $20.0OO,OOO who had
got on at Buffalo. I made inquiry of the
porter of my car and he replied:
Oats what dey say, sab, but yo' can't
allus tell. He's in de next cab, but can't
dun say if he's rich man till mawnin-"
Next morning the porter beckoned me
into the smoking compartment and said;
dat story was all true, sab"
"Then he's worth $20,COO,OOO, ehF'
"AII of dat, sab, an mebbe mo-"
"How did you find out"
'lFrom de odder po'tah, sab. De gem Ian
has jest gin him twenty cents, while
everybody else has cum down wild quar-
terpj NJ. QUAD.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
DR.. HaIe's Household Ointment

Is the finest remedy in the world. II
absolutely cures catarrh. 1t cures
neuralgia and rhumatiam. Cures piles
like magic. Cures salt rheum in the
most soothing manner. Cures in
famed and granulated eyelids. Cures
coughs and colds. Can be taken in
ternally. A positive specific for pneu-
monia, cuts, bruises, burns, chilblains,
sores of long standing, corns and bun
ions are cured quickly; different from
all else; superior to all else; it has n,
equal; 25 and SOC. boxes. Large size
cheapest. Sold by A. B. Rains, drug
gist. dec9-ly.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Wdec9 ly
The ExPLANAT.on

Love and Death once ceased their strife
At the Tavern of Mans Life.
Called for wine, and threw, alasi
Each his CULVER on the grass
When the bout was DER they found
Mingled arrows strewed the ground.
Hastily they gathered then
Each the loves and lives Of men.
All, the fateful dawn deceived
Mingled arrows each one sheaved;
Deaths dread armOry was stored
With the shafts he most abhorred;
Loves light CULVER groaned beneath
Venom headed darts of death.
Thus it was they wrought our woe
At the Tavern long ago.
Tell me, do our masters know,
Loosing blindly as they hy,
Old men love while young men die7
-Rudyard Kipling.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Deserving Praise.

We desire to say to our citizens,
that for years we have been selling
DIR. Kings New Discovery for Con-
sumption, DR.. Kings New Life Pills,
Bucklen's Arnica Slave and Electric
Bitters, and have never handled reme-
dies that sell as well or that have given
such universal satisfaction. We do not
hesitate to guarantee them every time
and we stand ready to refund the pur-
chase price, if satisfactory results do
not follow their use. These remedies
have won their great popularity pure
ly on their merits, Woodbridge, Irvine
& fowler, druggist. IL deco 1y
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
In tho Same Boat.

A clerk in a Detroit jewelry house, on
his vacation down by the sea, met young
fellow of his acquaintance, who was con-
templating matrimony.
"Been having a good time, old fel3'
asked the clerk.
Fine. More pretty girls down here
than you can throw pebble at. Kind of
stuck myself on daisy. By the way,
what's the latest thing in engagement
rings5"
The clerk blushed a bit.
WELL" he replied feebly, 1.-The very
latest is my best girls finger"
"Shake, old man." said the other one,
and fellow feeling made them wondrous
kind.-Detroit Free Press.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Pretty Hard.

In the matter of picturesque expression
there is no one to excel a bright Hibernian.
A judge was questioning an Irishman,
says an exchange.
HE took you by the throat and choked
you, did he?" asked the judge.
He did, sor," said Pat. Sure, sor, he
squaZed me throat till 1 thought he would
make cider out of me Adams apple. p
Youths Companion.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
MillIons in It.

Servant pounding on door)-What, hot
within therel Awake, awakel
Dime Museum Owner-What means
this turmoil? Why at the midnight
hour do You arouse me from my slum-
bers?
Servant Peace, master, until you
have heard the joyful news. 1 have
here a messenger boy who has never
whistled "Ta-rs-ra Boom de- ay."-
Tvufh
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16

Miss Maudie Ito instruction languages
Professor, with our knowledge Of French
do you think sister and could safely ven
ture upon a trip through France2
Instructor-With perfect safety, my dear
young lady. You and Miss Mabel could
go anywhere in France and speak your
minds with entire freedom in French
without giving the slightest offense.-
Chicago Tribune
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
rheumatism Cured ina Day.

"Mystic Cure" for rheumatis m and
neuralgia radically cures in one to
three days. Its action upon the sys-
tenn is remarkable and mysterious.
1t removes at once the cause, and the
disease Immediately disappears. The
Sold by a. B. Rains, druggist, Column
bia, Tenn. mays 1y
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16

town. But little damage could be done,
as the whole outfit isn't worth over fifty
dollars, and the editor was out. 1t was
clear case of curses coming home to roost,
and the way our esteemed is chewing the
rag and yelling for revenge tickles the
town half to death. We bear him no i'll
will We sent over yesterday and offered
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
1t ITas Al Right.

An old woman walked into bank the
other day ~ Inverness, threw down her
deposit book and said she wished to draw
all her money. Having got it she retired
10 Il corner of the room and counted it, She
then marched up to the teller and ex-
claimed: "Aye, that'll doe, ma man. Jist
pit it back again. only wanted to see il
it was a. RIGHT. dundee News.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Rheumatism Cured in a Day.

"Mystic Cure" for rheumatism and
neuralgia radically cures in one to
three dRys. Its action upon the sys-
tenn is remarkable and mysterious.
1t removes at OncG the cause and the
disease Immediately disappears. The
first dose greatly benefits, IS
cents Warranted by y. B. Rains,
druggist Columbia Tenn. oct4 6m
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16

English SPAWN Iiniment removes
all hard, soft or calloused Lumps and
BIemishes from horses, Blood SPAWN
Curbs, Splints, Ring Bone, Sweeney
Stiles, Sprains, Sore aud Swollen
Throat, Coughs, etc. Save $50 by use
of one bottle. Every bottle warranted
by A B. Rains, Druggist. may6-1y
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
How to Cure All Skin Diseases.

Simply apply "Swsyne's Ointment"
No internal medicine required. Cures
tetIer, eczema, itch, all eruptions on the
face, hands, nose, ETC., leaving the skin
clear, white and healthy. Its great Gu
rative powers are possessed by no other
remedy. Ask your druggist for Swayne's
Ointment. Oct7 6m
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Rats Transmit Disease.

Ihave reason to believe that the rat is
a transmitter of some of the most dan
gerous diseases which affiict humanity
diseases that have for ages baffled the
skill of the ablest scientists in the world
DIR. s. Z. Weber's Lecture.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16

for a thousand pounds; ana Che next
news heard of the widow was that she
had herself seen the awful apparation
and had left the mansion immediately.
A. B. in New York News.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Friendly Again.

Wool-How is it you have gone back to
rooming with Brace?
Van Pelt-He has grown so stout that
my collars don't fit him. - New York
Herald
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Couldn't Talk,

docs your husband say much about his
pain?"
No, doctor. He can't complain"
CHATS good"
''Well, don't know, doctor. You see,
he's too sick to."-Washington Star.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
Girls and GuIIs.

Wool-Your native New Yorker pro-
nOunces some words very curiously. For
instance, for girls he says "gulls"
Van Pelt-Does that strike you as curl
ous?-New York Herald
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
His Own Invention.

Featherstone-Whatt the mischief have
you got that block and tackle fastened
to the ceiling for?
Ringway-That's a continuance of my
own. bought some wooden undershirts
the other day that were guaranteed not
to shrink, and use that to pull them
off.-Clothier and Furnisher.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
OUR HERO.

But He Didn't Expect to Be Tackled by
Lone Woman.
You wouldn't have known he was a pu-
gilist to look at him. None of us even sus-
pected it until the conductor told us. Then
we introduced ourselves and got on terms
of friendship with him, and found that he
had fought fourteen battles and bested his
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
A Vivid illustration.

Skidmore-Can you think of an illustra-
ton of the scientific truth that motion pro-
duces heat?
Snooper-When my wife's tongue moves
I get uncomfortably warm.-Detroit Free
Press
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER
BoWSER HAS A FEW THINGS TO
GROWL ABOUT.
aug12 1y

hnd When His Wife Tries to Convince
Him That He Is the Guilty One He
WAKES Wroth and Says There Is
Limit.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16

"For several years I have recommended
your Castoria,' and shall always continue to
do so as it has invariably produced beneficial
results
EDWIN F. PARDEE VI. D.,
125th Street and 9TH Ave, New York City.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-12-16

THE CKNTAUn COMPANY STREET, NEw York CRY
The morning call., 1892-09-20
shot At LIKE A DUCK.
Superintendent Moynahan
Tells His Story.
Hunted Through ths swamps at ceur
d'Alens-Fired at in Every Direction,
He Escaped at Last

1--WE were hunted and shot at like ducks
in swamp" said Superintendent J. j.
Moynaban to a CALL reporter, at the Russ
House last night.
Mr. M0ynahan was in charge Of the Gem
mine on the eventful morning of the 18th of
July, which has engraved the name of
C9 ur d'Alene upon the history of the year.
About 500 OF them, all armed with rifles,
came mp and attacked the Frisco mine, less
than quarter of mile away from ours.
You know how they managed to blow
up the mill.
There we remained, watching them anx-
iousiy. There were about sixty of US.
1--WE had only twenty-seven rifles
among US.
They carried the dead and wounded
down 10 tie Miners Union Hall, and then
flew flag of truce. didn't believe in that
truce. They had been shooting, killing and
destroying since o'clock in the morning.
II posted out my men to resist attack.
They then sent man to US with a flag of
truce, and Assistant Manager Ed Kenney
met him.
"Well, they talked us over-promised to
take care of us. and coaxed US out to Wal
lace. four miles off.
Next day all our men were paid off
and at IL o'clock moved down to the old
Mission to wait for the steamer.
Il had bought four tickets-my wife. son
and daughter being with me.
MY son then told me he had heard the
troops were advancing to the mines. He
got the news at the telephone Office
II walked down the river bank to see
what news could get. My shift boss Peter
son was with me.
Suddenly | heard shot fred close by.
looked at Peterson. He said it was some
one shooting ducks, so we walked on.
Presently regular fusillade burst out
all around Us.
I'VE jumped for the brush; Peterson one
way, another.
Il slipped into The river and swan across.
81 heard the steamer pass up the river
and tried to work my way up the oankS: l
heard the brush cracking round me. Ihey
were trying to head me off,
''There | lodged about for an hour or so.
Then / heard the steamer going down
stream again. / couldn't get near her. l
was headed off every time.
$50 passed as eventful an afternoon as
mover wish 10 pass again.
THAT night l trailed down the bank and
came across boat. That was luck
Il rowed twenty miles. in her down
stream. Next day made another six miles
to East Point.
Il got meal at ranch house, which
helped me out deal. AT East Point per-
suaded the captain of the little steamer
Kawin TO take me to Coeur i Alone. didn't
let any one know who was. You see, they
were aching for my scalp.
"Object? Why. bloodthirsty plumber.
They wanted eur money. They we're simply
savages, unheedful OF truce promises,
pledges or anything else.
.'rhey butcbered fourteen OF our men and
it was from no fault or theirs that they
ddn't butcher and rob all sixty OF US.
Mr. Moynahan is looking for more miners
in this city and will shortly return to
Idaho.
The morning call., 1892-09-20
TIE mask Is TORN OFF.
The Wholesale Pillage Of the
Printing Ring.
BOODLERS.
The Report" Crowd DzscIosss It's "Cinchine"
Operations-How the re,pls of This
City Have Been Flsecea.

The city printing for the years 1893 and
1894 was awarded TO the Report last night
upon its bid of seven cents thousand ems
of agate type.
The Report paid big price for the con-
tract.
Not only does the award at the figure
named mean the loss of thousands of dol
lars every month TO the paper, but il also
means that with its own hands the mana
gers of the Report have torn the masks from
their faces and now show To the world how
they have under the guse of public patron
aged "cinched" the people of this city and
county in the past.
FIVE bids were made for the city printing
at The meeting OF the Board of Supervisors
last night, the following being the figures a
thousand ems of agate type:
Commercial News 60 cents.
Bulletin 90 cents.
Post 81 9-10 cents.
Journal of Commerce 80 cents.
Reporti7 cents.
The bids were referred to the Committee
on Printing with instructions TO report i'm
mediately.
In a few minutes the committee an
nounced its readiness to award the contract.
The rules were suspended and the Report
was awarded the city printing as the low
est bidder.
Those who understood the matter from
the standpoint of tho publishers stood
aghast when the Reports bid was read.
1t was not because Of the smallness of the
price asked, but because they realized that
the Report had virtually confessed having
practiced for years system Of pillage I'M
eqnaled in newspaper history in the world.
Figures won't lie."
1t needs but glance at the following f.
ures to show 10 what an extent the Report
has carried on its ''cinchiDg" operations.
Heretofore the Report has received 81 %
a square for about 5000 squares of city print
ing each month, or net sum of $1,000.
1t now agrees to do the selfsame work for
1892 month.
That is S6608 less money than it has been
receiving for the work.
The difference between the rate hitherto
charged by the Report thousand agate
ems and the rate its publishers propose
hereafter to charge is exactly S61S.
The Report thus confesses that 1t has
been looting the people OF this city out OF
this sum for every thousand ems Of official
advertising it has done.
The terrible margin revealed between
Sc %, the old price, and cents. the new
price, speaks for itself.
It conyicts the Report of wholesale bood-
ling.
The bids of all the other newspaper pub
fishers disclose an effort to keep the adver-
Using charge near the cost OF the actual
money expended for composition, leaving
out of account all other necessary items OF
expense.
The rate for composition alone is 40 cents
a thousand ems ON evening papers, and
while all the other papers, except the Com
mercial News, manifested a readiness 10
make sacrifices, the Report stood alone in
its attitude of sinister benevolence in offer
ing to take the contract for less than one
sixth of the actual cost.