The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1892-10-21

beard and retiring and bashful disposi
ton. He probably, on account of thi,
latter infirmity, had remained bachelor.
though arrived at years of decretion.
Mr. Brandon was genius in his way
and natural mechanic. He had invented
a number of useful articles the most no
table of which were the Juvenile Re.
versatile Trousers, the Corpulent's Com
panlon and the Automatic Ventilatine
Hat
The Juvenile Reversible Trousers were
intended to equalize the wear aud teaI
Of this necessary article of BOYS ap
parel, but were not n pronounced sue.
cess. The principal reason for the fail.
ure of this invention arose from the fac
that they being alike in front and rear.
the juvenile individual who donnec
them never knew in which direction n.
was going.
The Corpulent's Comnanion. which
Consisted OF device by which stou
man could turn up the bottom of his
trouser legs without having to stoop tc
perform this duty, was likewise a failure
For though everything worked wei
when the weather called for the turnino
up operation, no arrangements had been
made for turning them down again.
The consequence was that ,
nan endowed with alder.
manic proportions had to bend his adj
pose anatomy to an uncomfortable angle
when he was desirous of having his pan
falcons resume their proper position, anG
thus, like the Juvenile Revcrsibl,
Trousers, the Corpulent's Companion die
not meet with unqualified success.
ing w dSa il long lane that has no turn
work, deep thought and perseverinc in.
dustry, the Automatic Ventilatine Hat,
an invention over which John Brandon
had consumed many gallons of midnight
OH, was introduced to public notice, anG
became the rage. 1t was advertised in.
telligcntly and John Brandon became
famous. The Automatic Hat had q
number of miniature metallic tubes in.
serted between the hat and the lining.
the air entering at one end of the tube,
ana alter circulating freely through then
round egress at the other end, thus the
head OF the man who was fortunate
enough to procure one of these celebrated
mats, was sure to be cool and comfort
able.
Dir. Brandpn's business now increased
TO sueh an xtent that he invested in
tyPewf9 machine and advertised for :.
:tenosu.. 8, ss6sa.s.ss,s. V '''N '0' :
The htssxpps psIeant fesIt The situation was
a Miss Moore, but she did not hold tn,
position long. A short trial of her skill
proved her unfittness for il. John hireG
Eer in the morning and discharged her
the same evening. Miss Moore's
strength, like Samson's, lay in her hair.
she wore bangs; otherwise she was 40
ordinary every day kind of a girl. The
Lightning rapidity with which she took
down Johns notes fairly staggered that
gentleman, he being novice at dictaton.
But, alas she could not read her notes;
when she attempted to do so the Empire
State Express speed with which she had
taken them down now slowed down to
the iavorite gait of a Fifth avenue stage,
and the poor girl in her despair tore her
bangs out by the handful wheu trying to
remember what she had written, aud tho
place which once knew Mss Moore,
hHcW DeF nO more. .....F
- Miss~. Amelia Thickly, Mis-, Moore's
successor, was rather short 10 stature,
bat what she lacked in that respect she
more than made up for in width, in fact
she was nearly as broad "a she was long.
AS stenographer Miss Thickly gave NIr.
.Bfaudon perfect satisfaction, but she
was terribly hard on the Office Chairs,
the manner in which they c!eaked and
groaned under her weight made John so
nervous that he grew thin, and his type
writer continued to gain in flesh, as
though trying to make up for what be
lost in avoirdupois. FIVE chairs had
become total wrecks under the strain
brought to bear on them, and when
the sixth, the sole survivor OF