The Columbus journal., 1892-07-06

And love itself is keeping
Unceasing watch anear.
= From the German.
MIR. BADGERS UPPERS.
Mr. Badger had bran new set OF
store uppera His natural unders
were still quite good. but mis- uppers
had long been badly decayed and at
frequent intervals they made him feel
about as cheerful and contented as he
would have been while being fried.
So after many years OF agony and
dread, Badger decided that his uppers
must 60.
Having once made up his mind to
anything. he was not the man to make
make any unnecessary de-
lay. II there were any dreadful
calamity to face like being hanged or
getting married. Badger believed in
bracing up to it and having it over
for once and for all So he sent for a
tooth-twister Immediately.
DR.. Twitcher was right on deck.
On getting the message he set out for
the abode of the Badgers with cheer
fulness and alacrity. and littleopinch-
ers enough to start a Spanish fnquisi-
tion or set up a hardware shop.
He found Badger sitting in a rock
ing-chair. his feet in pail of hot
water and his head in a hot poultice
He was rolled up like a mummy. and
his rotten and liberated uppers were
aching away like a tender heart in a
cold and sinful world
Badger felt that his time was come
when the doctor walked coolly in and
began to uppack his arsenal He
prayed for a quick and painless disso-
luton. but that made not the least
difference with DIR. Twitcher. He
was after teeth and Doodle. so he Or
dered the decks and Badgers face
cleared for action.
Then he prepared to 60 for his pa
tient with desperate energy and .
particularly cruel-looking pair of for
ceps First he made Badger suck q
lot of sweet wind out of a funny. little
concern. and it sort of numbed him all
over. but he knew he was there just
the same He thought the doctor
must be tearing out his whole 'front.'
Ter with those diabolical nippers of
his q little chunk at a time. but he
could not help himself a particle.
DR.. Twitcher took a mean advan-
tage OF a helpless fellow being. for he
tore Badgers mouth to tatters. as If it
we're positive pleasure He
wrenched more teeth out of his
wretched victims upper jaw than
there ever was in horse rake or the
beater of a threshing machine. He
relentlessly ploughed up Badgers
tooth orchard and narrowed his soul
without mercy.
About the time the doctor was
twitching out the three-hundredth
tooth. Badger got the use of his fac
ulties SO he. could wiggle a little.
Then the toothpick suddenly discov-
cred that he was all done. so he
stopped short in his devilish career
and asked the patient how he felt
Where are they alp" asked Bad
ger feebly.
.All what?" said the doctor.
why all the bushel or two of teeth
you jist hauled out Of my crippled
countenance. Badger went on.
Here they are" replied DR..
Twitcher. and he stopped down and
scraped of from the floor about q
spoonful of old rotten snags and tri-
umphantly held them up for Badgers
inspection.
And you have torn me all to pieces
Just to get that little lot of old bonee'
groaned Badger.
What a hard-hearted wretch you
must be!' And then he turned his
face to the wall and wept tears from
his eyes and blood from his lips.
But it was Badgers new store up
pers that started to tell you about
80 We will hasten on and get to them.
After he had starved a few weeks
from lack of anything except a raw
and bloody hole to eat with he had
another season with DR.. Twitcher.
His mouth was poked and pulled and
stretched till it felt as big as the
mouth of the Hoosac Tunnel, and oh,
how it ached! Then it was stuffed
full OF some kind of nasty white
putty that oozed o It through the cor
ners of his moustache like boiled
squash through q cullender and
dropped down into his throat and
nearly strangled him TO death.
At last the cast was made however.
and after that the uppers. The plate
had been jammed into its place some
less than q hundred times and tin
kered between times. but finally the
doctor pronounced it a perfect fit
Then he collected his pay from his
unfortunate victim and departed,
greatly to the miserable Badgers re-
lief.
At first Mr.. Badger thought he
must be wearing a cart-wheel in his
mouth. but after he got somewhat
accustomed to it it did not seem quite
50 big. 1t appeared to get smaller
and smaller by degrees until the plate
felt exactly like the seat of moving
machine stuck into his face He had
to take it out quite frequently in
order to rest his mouth. but then it
" - OuCA kAOoouIC " dt pcOpI0
and make them think they were his
very own uppers and not just some
for which he had suffered martyrdom
and paid six dollars On the whole
Badger was a proud and happy man
on account of his uppers.
But they came very near being the
death Of him for all that Even such
little thing as a set of false uppers
narrowly escaped being a strong
mans last sickness. 1t happened in
this wise.
Badger took a severe cold one Gay.
and that night he woke up in a severe
coughing fit and with sense of suf-
location. In sudden fear he clapped
his hand to his face: horror of hor-
rors! He found a hole like the mouth
OF cellar drain. but his uppers were
missing