Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31

new ton of coal.-Drakes s Magazine
An electric" oyster stew is being
advertised. They give you a shock
ing stew at many places which make
no boast of electricity.-Bostor
Post.
Signi6cant.-When "a girls faith.
er stamps his foot it usually signi.
fies that he is going to try to sent
it through the male.-New York
Herald.
And Import Their Rum. Tom.
my-What are barbarians, paw
Mr.. Figg-They are people who
fight with bows or spears, instead
of repeating rifes.-lndianapolis
Journal.
American Style. Scads--You
say he left no money! Baggs-No
Y on see he lost his health getting
wealthy, and then lost his wealth
getting healthy.-Smith, Gray 6
Cos Monthly.
Gay bachelor-Do you think
there's anything in the theory that
married men live longer than un-
married ones? Henpecked friend
(wearly )-Oh, | don't know-seems
longer.-Life.
First citizen-The editor was
"half-shot" last night. Second citi-
zen-Well, there wasn't any use
wasting a whole load on him
Powder and shot comes high AIT
lanta Constitution. =
as this fast train?" asked the
travelling man of the conductor
"Of course it is" was the reply
81 thought so. Would you mind
my getting out to see what it is fast
to."-New York Sun.
81 expect to figure a good deal in
Washington this year," remarked
the man with the large forehead
"Indeed?" said the other. "Yes
| am a professor of mathematics. y
Kate Fields Washington.
Rapid Growth. "This town
seems to be making rapid progress y
said a visitor to a resident of Boom
vile, Oklahoma. "You are list
right, stranger, Why, we've had
to enlarge the Jail twice. Epoch
Conductor-"We have missed the
connection and you will have to
wait at this station six hours
Old woman (who is little nervous
on the railway)-"Well, I'm safe
for six hours anyway."-New York
Weekly.
DO brutes have language?'
asked the president of the Millvillt
Literary Circle at a recent meeting
"Do they?" replied the secretary
"You ought to hear my husband
when he loses his collar button. y
Exchange.
Intuition. Fangle--"What sort
of a dress was that Mrs. Snoopel
wore to-night?" Mrs. Fangle-
"Demi-train." "That's precisely
what Cumso said when he trod on
it, but how did he know it's name?'
New York Sun.
Young hopeful-"Father, did you
understand trigonometry when you
were a boyp" Man of affairs
"Triggernometry Why, bless you
my son, there wasn't nobody in the
whole country handler with a gun
than me"-Harper's Bazaar.
Still in the Ring.-"And you
want pension?" That's what!
"How long were you in the warp
"Well, sir, wur married long in
80, an peace amt been declared
yit; so you kin 'jes calkelate fei
yerselfr'-Atlanta Constitution.
Mrs. Plainfeld (proudly)-"And
who would have thought that
should ever be the mother of q
poetP" Her neighbor (misunder.
standing)-"Oh, well, don't worry
about that. He'll have better sens,
when he gets little older Puck
--
The Ground of His Objection
The young man-."Gracie, what il
it your father sees in me to object to
darling?" The young woman
(wiping away tear)-"He doesn't
see anything in you, Algernon
That's why he objects. ."-Chicagc
Tribune.
IL don't feel right about goine
in there" said Chillson Fever il
front of aphysician house. "Pshaw
He's one Of the best doctors in th'
city," replied Coffin Coles. "Iknow
but look at his sign-"0 to L.
"Wellp" "Well, | don't take am
such chances as that. Puck.