, 1892-03-16

perfectly contented in his tub, and
therefore perfectly happy. At least
when Alexander. just hen master OF
the world, stood outside the tub and
asked its inmate to say what he could
do for him, Diogenes simply replied:
"Get out of my light"
A society person would say that Di.
ogenes stood in his own light by thus
snubbing the emperor; but perhaps, in
fact it seems as IL certainly, he was hon
est in his conviction that even the most
powerful man on earth could give him
nothing better than contentment with
his humble lot. At any rate he had the
courage Of his convictions, and took
Xantippe to wife as a proof that he
9 what he said.
But If he was right, and content is
happiness, society cannot be happy, for
content is an unknown quantity in its
composition. Nobody in society Is or
can be content, for IL he were content
he would not be in society, the very
essence of whose existence is emulation;
"the better is the enemy of good" say the
French, and the maxim is as sadly wise
as most Of their apothegms. Mrs. A.
has some diamonds, very fine diamonds
I and a good many of them. Is she salts
fed ana contented in their possession
No, for Mrs. b. has more and finer ones,
and Mrs. B. has a gnawing conscious
ness that Mile. Tiptoe has yet finer ones,
and Mile. wishes she could lay hands
upon the Duchess of So-and-so's heredi-
tary jewels, and the duchess never con-
templates her own jewels without re-
Numbering those she saw upon the en-
press of Russia, or in the Green Vaults
of Vienna, or the Paris exposition.
So nobody is content with jewels, and
jewels are n of the badges and trade
marks and certificates Of a position in
society.
And 30 it Is with clothes. Mrs. K,
with a deep purse, subsidies Worth or
n Of his rivals to compose a toilet for
her which shall exceed in richness, beau
tyI and originality anything that ever
yet clothed a daughter of Eve. The ar
fist falls into a fine frenzy and evolves
something which even Mrs. X. admits
to be beyond her widest hopes, until,
as she plumes herself like a peacock and
glides down the grand reception room,
she suddenly encounters Mrs. a., an
other Worth dressed dame, whose robes
are an improvement upon her own, 30
that the latter may conidentially whis-
per to her lear 500 friends that Poor
Mrs. x" has tried to copy her dress by
the aid Of some domestic dressmaker,
but has not quite succeeded-"not quite,
my dear, for Worth is not 30 easily imi-
tated." And poor Mrs. x, who suspects
the Islander, but has no opportunity of
rebutting it, goes home gnashing her
teeth and tearing her hair, and Is ready
to trample her poor gown under foot
and to rend M. Worth limb from limb.
Or perhaps she is Of a keener and more
belligerent make, and instead of retreat
ing, sails gallantly up to the enemy, ex-
claiming:
"Oh, my dearl What a sweet gown,
and I'll forgive you for stealing my lit
tie hints to Worth-he made mine, you
know, and / suppose liked the idea 30
well that he couldn't resist warming il
over in yoursi"
How truly happy both those women
feel as they smile In each others faces
and glare in each others eyesi
Consider the matter Of precedence, es-
pecially here in our New Worlds repub-
lican society," In the kingdoms and en-
pires of older communities the whole
thing is settled for man, woman and
child by the mere fact of birth. A lit
tie, frivolous, childish duchess of nine
teen must take precedence of a venera-
BILE and dignifed countess, even though
it may be her own grandmother, and so
IN down to the delicate distinctions be-
tween the wives of barristers and the
wives Of attorneys.
But, thank heaven, we are not yet so
highly civilized as all this, and the host
at a dinner party or a ball supper gem
orally gives his arm to the Oldest lady,
or to the distinguished stranger of tho
occasion, or to her in whose honor the
entertainment is given, and this is 30
far the better plan; that there is a rea-
son based upon common sense and the
inherent fitness of things for such a
choice. But for all this, our elective
course opens wide the door to jealous
les and heartburnings less likely to as
sail the born thralls of conventional
precedence, and one of the little ami
mosities of the society man or woman
is to keep a sharp lookout that nobody
is treated with more consideration or
respect in this matter than him or her
self.
Suppose this little exposition Of the
ruling passions of society could be read
by some intelligent citizen Of Jupiter
come down to earth on q tour of explo-
ration, much as Stanley went to Africa,
to see how les dutres lived. He would
probably exclaim:
"Why, what a dreadful condition of
things society must bel 1 suppose every
body who can keeps out of itr'
/ And we should reply: "By no means,
my dear Jupitrian! On the contrary,
nearly everybody of average means, ed
ucation and ambition aspires to belong
to society and to have the reputation of
80 belonging. To be out of society is to
be out of the world, and in that case we
might as well be dead"
Being dead, my dear Earthling,
would bring you into a great deal of
society, and of a very fixed character.
We Jupitrians understand more about
these things than you do"
"Ahl Hypnotism is one of the fads of
your society also, is it? Well, it has
amused us somewhat, but it is getting q
little passe. nOw.u