Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-05-22

Prof Louis Agassiz, with whom I have
lectured a number of times to standing room
only, divides the earth into three fauna,
viz: 1. The arctic. 2. The temperate. 8.
The tropical The arctic fauna was homo
geneous, and embraced the northern e1-
tremeties of the several boreal continents
down to the isothermal zero. Possibly do
not make myself quite plain, but little
thought will make this perfectly clear.
Oatmeal Isn't Popular Up North.
The arctic fauna embraced those amin ais
which, like the polar bear, prefer strictly
meat diet during the winter, exhibiting
strong repugnanoe to oatmeal and adhering
to their heavy jaegers the year round. The
arctic fauna also embraces the walrus, the
penguin and the pemmican. The salt horse
and Cincinnati quail are also found as far
north as the utmost limit of exploration
and human vertebrate
Rodentia and pachyderms do not do we'll
in the arctic fauna The season is too short.
l would never take my pachyderms too far
north. Insectism does we'll here, and some
gallinaceous birds, notably the penguin and
the toboggan, but pachyderms and articu-
lata are very seldom found here.
Cincinnati has two good specimens of the
polar bear. This animal is found in the e1
treme north subsisting mainly on kippered
herring and young explorers. The white or
polar bear can sit for hours on cake of ice
without taking cold. What wise arrange
ment of nature this is which enables the
polar bear, even when heated and perspiring
after long, hard chase after an explorer, to
seat himself on an iceberg with impunity
while eating his explorer.
Living on Polar Axle Grease.
This animal is also enabled to go for days
without food Last winter, for instance, is
said to have been very severe one on arctic
fauna Toward spring, it is said, thousands
of arctic animals were driven from their usual
haunts by cold and hunger, many of them
barely eking out wretched existence by
licking the axle grease off the north pole
The polar bear, however, pulled through
without great suffering and in very fair con-
dition, while thousands of other arctic
animals died off, owing to the fact that
curiosity regarding the open polar sea is ap-
parently falling off, and the carnivorous
animals of the polar regions are now often
seen to pause and look at each other as who
should say! "Don't it seem to you that it
is getting to be pretty long time between
polar expeditions?"
About the only real merit attached to the
Arctic regions. it seems to me, is the fact
that there is said to be absolutely no ma
laria there and very few mosquitoes. On
the other hand, the tropical fauna must con-
tinually grapple with very malarial eli
mate, the very sine quinine of a climate,
as it were. The tropical fauna is repre-
sented in the Cincinnati geological collec-
tion by number OF good sp ecimens, among
others pair of chimpan zees, called Mr..
and Mrs. O'Hoolihan. Mr.. O'Hoolihan is
somewhat below the medium height and re-
sembles the late Mr.. Crowley, of New York.
Mr. O'Hoolihan has pale gray eye and
j ohm G. Calhoun whis kers. In politics he
favors a republican form of government
with a Demo cratic maj jority. Socially he
is rather liberal, and would no doubt lead
double life ii he had not been placed where
his actions are constantly under the public
eye, as it were.
A Scene for Rembrandt.
One of the most touching pictures I have
ever seen, I think, and one well worthy of
the brush of Rembrandt or a McDougall,
is that Of Mrs. O'Hoolihan on a Sabbath
morning fussing around among Mr.. O'Hooli-
hans John @. Calhoun whiskers with fine
comb. Mr.. O'Hoolihan tavors the election
of Senators directly by the people, and also
urges that in this day of popular prices for
good entertainments seats in the Senate
are too high. He would favor making them
10, 20 and 80 cents.
Mr.. O'Hoolihan also favors the free and
coinage of silver, together with
a more rigid rule regarding its absorption
by those who already have some. His
theory is that the Government should offer
a certain percentage of premium to those
who now have money, and by that means
49,. III,
citizen has, Then it should announce that
it had made slight error as to the mean
ing of the law, and turn right around
with what silver it has and what it can
coin by means of new brick and tile
machine which will make money as fast as
q big factory can make carpet taoks, and
even up the whole thing SO that all man
kind may start in square again. Mr.. O'Hoo-
lihan favors also the apportionment of
brains in the same way, if possible, other
wise the able men would fool the other
folks out Of their money again in week,
and all this apportionment would have to
be gone through with again. He does not
know yet very fully how he will even up
the gray matter business, but he thinks it
can be done.
A Socialistic View of Brains.
He claims that when surgeons are able to
open the skull of foolish person that has
failed to grow, thus giving room to the brain
so that the idiotic, by having a gore or
gusset put into the skull, have been able to
almost think inside OF a week, whereas they
formerly did not know enough to ache when
they got hurt, he thinks the day is not far
distant when the man who knows too much |
may be made to "whack up" as it were,
with the mental pauper. Proper officials will |
90 around with brain tester for people to
think against, and by means of graduated
scale the official can tell whether man
knows more or less than the law allows.
In this way the smart Aleck who knows |