Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-01-10
GIVES his SON" SOME INTERESTING ADVICE
ON PR0PHESYING.
The European War and the End Of the World
Which Are Sure to Gene Are FayOrits
Themes of the Prophets
How 10 Catch The
Speakers Eye
Nk1p YORK Herald.

| upon me ana 1 Would propheSy ana cry
| aloud, and spare not, whenever there
was anything to predict. Bat, young
as was, even at that time, when | was
not old enough TO be very young, OBJ
served that the homemade and, worse
still, the handmade article of prophet
was snare at many times, delusion
the rest Of the time, and in other in
stances fraud.
l cured myself of the habit Of predict
ing things by very simple method. l
procured good strong box, not too
large, and labelled it 1.-THE Tomb Of the
Prhphets."
Thereafter whenever felt strong
desire to predict something, instead OF
rushing into print with it l wrote it
down in plain, fair script, dated it and
| put it into this box. Then some long,
rainy day l would overhaul the Tomb
of the Prophets" and read my predictions
| in the light OF events. Sometimes the
parallel columns would be too funny
with hopelessly unconscious humor-
for anything. Sometimes they would
make what Horace Greedy used to call
mighty interesting reading"
| by utkICfS BOb w ObhOl
| unregenerate prophets who had not
learned the secret of keeping the proph-
! etic utterances to themselves in the con-
secrated crypt of my private cemetery.
This increased the scope OF my prop.
| hetic reading, and while it Is not always
instructive it never fails to be enter
| tanning.
Among other things 1 exhumed from
this Tomb of Prophets" the other day
was the statement made in the most
positive form Of declaration that the
English language can be compelled TO
assume, and it can be pretty positive
when il gets IL back up-the Rev. Mr..
Baxter, of England, issuing his final and
revised bulletin Of the everlasting
smashup. He turns the Book Of Daniel
inside out, upside down, other end to,
adds, subtracts, multiplies and divides,
extracts the square roof, counts the let
tiers aud misses every fifth one, works
in few acrostics after the manner OF
the prophet who finds the name Of the
Diety in the Book of Esther, and finally
sets everything up straight and clean,
all the same font, makes IL justify, and
fixes the exact date for the dissolution
OF the Standard Oil Company and the
Gould system, which is about all there
is left of the world, for the 18th Of
April, 1891. Now there is a great prop
hesy for you. And l suppose IL was all
brought to naught by the greedy, selfish
careleSsness of people. / suppose we
forgot all about it and went right along
buying and selling, marrying and giving
in marriage-which are all the same
things-on the 18th of April until the
day was past, and we were on our way
home from an hours improvement under
the elevating teaching OF the stage In
BRASS Monkey" "Hole in the Ground"
or "The Clemenceau Case" before we
remembered that we should have wound
things up that very afternoon. 1t must
be encouraging to prophet to prophesy
until his lower jaw cleaves to the roof
of his mouth and his back fairly aches
and then have people go away and for
get what it was all about.
Then l find another good prophecy by
a local prophet, predicting six weeks
drought. 1t is dated about two weeks
before the Johnstown flood. The great
European war is favorlte subject for
old prophets. The time for the fulfill
ment of all, or almost all, war prophe-
cies, whether they be written in January
or December, is, "before the close OF
the present year" The war prophet
has got that phase encysted in his sys-
tenn somehow and it can't be taken out
without great danger; greater danger,
indeed, than there is-and this is not a
prophecy, but merely a comparison
Of the great European war.
And the prophetic visions and dreams
that are dreamed after the thing the
prophet dreamed about has appeared In
all the ''boiler- plate" papers! 1t is as
tonishing how closely dream, in the
midnight visions OF good all round
dreamer, can be made to parallel the ac-
complished fact. At least it is aston
ishing until the reader has gone into
| the dream business himself once or
twice and manipulated few syndicate
presentiments for popular use. After
YOU once get the combination you can
outdream peter Ibbetson" with one eye
shut.
Nobody, not the most credulous per-
son in all the world, places the slightest
credence in the inspired outbursts OF q
facto prophet But like to see you try
YOUR hand at 1t. IT'S better to have
prophesied at great European war or
the end Of the world and hit cow than
never to have prophesied at all.
But, you say. "If l prophesy pub
liclv and don't come within thousand
years Of anything people will make fun
OF me, and il keep my prophesy dark
until after the event they won't believe
l ever prophesied." If you fail 1t doesn't
necessarily follow that they will make
fun of you; the chances are that they
won't pay the slightest attention to you.
Go down to Washington. See the new
member, the Hon. John Raw, OF Crude
vile, Dough county, whom the chance
| 70 drawing has given the best seat in
the House, see him standing or his feet
until his legs ache bawling "Mr.
! Speaker" until the ventilators rattle.
| The Speaker slowly raises his eyes, the
| Hon. Mr.. Rsw's patience and persist
| ence is about to triumph, thrills his
fsinting heart and nerves his failing
voice. With one last, despairing effort
| he bellows Mr.. Speaker" as though
all the loud sounding bulls on Basham's
! hills were roaring the Drinking Chorus
from The Guzzlers," and in gentle tones
the Speaker, glancing calmly far over
the head Of the bowling deryish from
! DouCh county, recognizes quiet man
away back in the shadowy obscurity Of
the last seat in the chamber, who hasn't
said anything.
Consider Johnny Raw's ways and be
wise, my son. The first thing for you
TO do is to catch the Speakers eye. You
can't make a record for prophecy on
private track with invited witnesses Of