Peninsula enterprise. [volume] (Accomac, Va.) 1881-1965, 1892-10-22

Another one of the peculiarities OF
this campaign is that the Third par.
ty leaders advise their people not to
read Democratic literature or to hear
Democratic speakers, the classical
and the picturesque advice of Mr..
Watson to his followers being to
keep in the middle Of the road and
wait until | come The mountain
genius finds in this heretofore un
heard of proposition rich fi:ld for
his wit and satire.
He says there is something wrong
with the party whose adherents fear
to hear the other side. that it is the
man with the paste diamond who is
afraid OF the light, that something IS
rotten in Denmark when one white
man is afraid to hear another talk.
1t reminds him of q fellow up in
the mountains who got married IN
the olden days and went by stage on
a bridal trip to Charleston. AT the
hotel the waiter brought him goldfish
balls for breakfast He had never
seen any. He supposed them to be
fritters, He stuck his fork in one OF
one of them and took bite of it: he
liked the taste OF it but little and the
smell less. After several frantic and
unsuccessful attempts to mastlcate
and sequester it his stomach became
critically rebelious. He took it out
of his mouth, slipped it under the
the edge of his plate and, turning to
his wife, said: 'Sallie, the landlord
looks like clever man and Wouldn't
hurt his feelings. so we won't say
anything about it. but I'll be - II
there amt something dead in that
bread
illustrating the idea that when the
election is over Watson will wonder
where he was when the cyclone
struck him. Ham says he is reminded
of the parrot whose owner wanted to
br, ak him of cursing. He was told
the first time the parrot cursed to
| throw q bucket Of water on him and
whirl the cage round and round. The
next morning az he went out the par
rot exclaimed, Its d-n hot day.
Immediately the man slung a
bucket of water through the cage,
| whirled It round and round until the
| parrot was almost killed. The parrot
gathered himself together, shook the
water out of his feathers, looked up
at his owner and shrieked, Where Ill
the - were you when the cyclone
struck u.s.
Commenting on the idea that the
| Third party stands no chance Ham
points out that the best men who
started out with it have returned to
jthe Democracy. 1t reminds him of 81
man with mule. He was q long,
lean, lank Georgian, with jean pants,
red shoes and one gallus fastened
with a nail at one end and button
at the other. He was galloping his
mule up and down in front Of a coun-
try doggery. The mule was fore
! lorn-looking specimen, one ear set
/ forward and the other backward
| His hip bones stood out like pegs on
a hat rack and his ribs showed
through his hide like hoopskirt
through a calico frock on q windy
dav. He was sore backed and wind
CALLED and saddle-rubbed and har-
ness marked all over. The fellow
would gallop up and stop and as a
sort of general challenge to the crowd
would swear be had the best mule IN
Georgia.
Yes said one Of the hangers on,
| lounging over the balustrade, with
three or four drinks of corn liqnor
under his hickory shirt, he's durn
good mule
How do you know said the rider
sharply.
Because see the buzzards had
him and he got away
After jumping on tho woman's
suffrage plank he asks the boys in a
confidential way if they have ever
seen Mrs. Lease. We'll, l have, says
he. We'll, boys. she is a plumb sight.
If l had a hound dog that would
bark at her as she passed by the gate.
I'd Kill him before night. She could
sit on a stump in the shade and keep
I tile COWS out of a one-hundred-acre
cornfield without q gun. She's got
u face that's harder and sharper than
a butchers cleaver. l could take
her by her heals and split an inch
board with it. She's got a nose like
an ant.eater. voice like cat fight
and face that is rank poison to the
naked eye
His general wind up on the delna-
gogues who are mistreating people is
that they will be heard no more. In
| future the people will not recognize
or tolerate them. There will be no.
body so poor as to do them honor.
! The people will have about as much
use for them as did the widow OF old
John Stoneceypher. John was no
account. He wouldn't work, but
llazad around home and consumed
what his Industrious wife and his
boys and girls made on a little furm
down in Camden county. john came
up missing one day. Search was
made for him, supposing he was Oft
drunk. Finally, in the course of a
week, some neighbor suggested pos
sibly lie had been drowned. They
dragged the creek for him and found
him..
| The remains were in sad condi
ton. Identification depending princi-
pally upon his apparel. They brought
him home and laid him out on the
floor of the one small room of his late
residence The stricken widow set
her arms kimbo, and looking calm
| " down upon him, remarked, We'll,
he's pretty dead, amt he? Seeing
something unusual about his mouth
she stopped down. caught hold of it
and pulled out an eel. The head OF
another took its place and so on un-
til she had half a dozen squirming on
the floor.
We'll, what shall we do with him?'
sympathizingly asked one the party.
Il guess you had better take him
back and set him again for eels,
said the cd lady. It's the only
thing he's ever brought into this