Mower County transcript., 1892-06-15
Professor Garner and the Ape

Professor Garner and the Apes.
The account of Professor r. l.. Gar
ner's preparations for his visit to the
Congo country Is itself an epitome Of
the achievements Of modern science,
He goes 800 miles up the Congo river,
to the region inhabited by the gorillas,
in order that in their native wilds he
may study the speech Of the apes which
most resemble man in physical confor-
nation.
TO protect himself from wild animals
and hostile natives, Professor Garner
has made an iron cage into which he can
lock himself securely. The cage can be
taken down and set up like a tent. It
can be locked fast to trees, so that any
attempt to dislodge it would be vain.
The cage will contain the professors
camping outfit and supplies. 1t will
contain, besides telephone, phono-
graph, Photographic apparatus and an
electrical battery, The battery arrange
ment is the most ingenious of all. Be-
sides working monographs and tel
ephone, it will be q protection more safe
than half regiment of soldiers. Pro-
fessor Garner charges the wires of his
cage with current Of 300 volts. If ser
pents crawl upon the wires, if some Of
the gorillas whose friendship MIR. Garner
seeks desire to eat him because they
love him so; II, again, any Of the natives
have hostile designs on him in the cage
or seek to meddle with its contents while
he is absent, the first touch upon its
electric wires will make them feel like
the civilized citizen when an electric
light wire drops upon him in the street.
Professor Garner will always carry
buckled under his arm canteen filled
with strong ammonia water A touch
Of metal ring upon his finger to the
nozzle Of the canteen will on the instant
send terrible spray Of ammonia into
the eyes Of any wild beast that attacks
him. He has also chloroform to quietly
stif1e the life out of specimens" which
he wishes to secure without disfguring
them. If he wishes to shoot animals at
distance he will use for the purpose a
powerful spring gun. The instrument
of death will not be bullet, for the
noise of exploding powder would fright
en- away the animals he most wished to
get. But the spring gun will noiseless-
ly drive into the creatures brain hol-
low steel arrow, containing fifteen drops
Of prussic acid. Death will be painless
and almost instantaneous.
Thus equipped, Mr.. Garner will have
his cage conveyed into the forest and
there study his favorite science of
monkey and ape talk. While he him
self is properly insulated by rubber
blankets inside of his cage, its electrical
wire meshes will repel outside attacks
at close hand. In the heart of the Afri-
can jungle he will seek to pluck the
heart out Of the mystery of monkey
talk. He will listen as no man ever had
opportunity to listen before to the sounds
made by anthropoid apes in the free
wild state, unterrified and undisturbed.
He believes these man monkeys have a
real language and that he can phono-
graph and translate it. For years the
idea has been present with him, and
after reading his letter in The North
American Review, one is more than halt
inclined to admit that it seems reason,
able one. He says: II am not fanatic
on whom the thought has suddenly
dawned, for I have persistently sought
for years for that one great secretr-the
first form of speech"
For many years the professor has
studied the sounds made by the smaller
monkeys in captivity. He believes he
has made progress toward understanding
them. At any rate, he will bring back
from his African journey valuable con-
tributions to the knowledge of the Con.
go country.
Why cannot the unhappy Ulster men
In Ireland be annexed to England, leav-
ing the rest of the green island to have
the home rule It wants9 Then tho VI.
eterites can obey the British rule they
love go well and everybody will he
happy yet.
5%,33 .
In q recent case Of suicide 1t was i'm
possible to determine whether tho cause