New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1892-11-20
FATE's FRUSTRATED JOE.


Once Fate with an ironic zcst
Made man-a most delicious Jest
From out the void man evoke
said Fate, my best and latest Joke
! stand him on two slender props,
Two pins on which the creature hops;
III watch the unbalanced gawky splawb
Prong after prong behold him crawl:
And when strong wind from the east
Blows on this perpendicular beast,
III laugh TO see HIM topic DER.
And all tie gazing gods shall roar'
This mite shall feed the Hons nav
And dangle on the tigers paw.
Shall lie the sportive pantlers prey,
And flee from dragons night and day.
This featherless bird OF awkward mould
Shall chatter through the winters colds
No hair or wool to him gave,
No turtle shell in which TO I'VE
nor can he like the bear said Fate.
Dig holes In which TO hibernate. q
T Tns IN na tas uR nsiplss Hs things
OF all my jokes this IS the best,
This IL my masterpiece OF lcst! s,
But Fate IN mixing man his brains
Forgot TO take the usual pains,
Dropped In. and made fearful musA
T I'm en- man he sIily y said, You watt
And will get the !oicr on Fate
lie did not feed the Hons nav,
Or danele on the tigers paw,
But cut the lion into steak.
And used his skin a coat TO make.
Th. whrlwnd nom the east might plo2
But still IL could not overthrow
This feathcrlcss biped, for IT'S plain
This extra phosphorus in his brain
MAS lust enough upon edCn llluO
To hold him up and balance lKm.
And through all The yeats tnil cohs
lie keeps his equilibrium
And 80 tbs pronsrd and topping th,ns.
stood straight and made himself klnS'
THIS sraddling biped did not fail
To rule the elephant and whale,
And even great Dviathan
Accepts the sovereign sway OF man,
And sheltered SAT, from wounds and scars
His thoughts went out beyond he stars,
And travelled through times shoreIess sea-
AMI wandered through ETERNITY.
Nnd hatied Fate said Wen. SO
This fellows got the Joke on me-
But let not pride soar forth too high
And goat on our immensely,
lat think sometimes of what nous
And failure We hid been without
That slip OF Fate In making rs.
That extra scoop Of phosphorlsl n,,,
-lsam Walter Foss in Yankee Bladr'>
Come one has noted the fact that July has been
tatn month to Presidents Jefferson. Monroe, IayIo
Van Buren, johnson and Grant died In that moh'n'
md Garfield was shot In that month
Little Johnny-Do.s don need TO talk, cause any
me can understand their bark.
Nlstor-Can YOU -, Who,
nv dog is at tho door and barks that means ne WI"
% get in: IL he's inside the door ana pafAs' "''
means he wants TO get ont >, :. ,o,, inside and
lalt outside and barks. what does that mean ,.,r
Little Johnny-That means that there's 0's7>'
log than him IN our yard-SIood News
THE Gazette" OF salem. Mass which was started
o a weekly Journal In 1868, now appears as uaiy
vening newspaper. Its home quarters have peeh
nlarged, and with new type and presses II presents
IL appearance that Us publishers aud readers Shoua
c proud OF.
The substitution for the night sticks Of the New
DIRK police OF pocket billy and whistle urlnss ~
lind the fact that the Philadelphia police ar, resu
;alking arsenals compared With the Nc"-iorh pauu..
ncn 10 De- sure AL the protection they carry Is nov
tded rify there MS Ia De no oO-
ectlon 10 their providing themselves win al w
eapons they please, limited only by the size OF tse.
vhat the average policeman carries is club, black
ack n revolver, a whistle and pair OF nippers VI
andcuifs.- Philadelphia Record.
About two years ago the manufacturers oil brand
cigars IN this city issued. as an ADVERTISEMENT
howy picture OF Il number OF prominent men ~
inner amlng them President Harrison. The names
the celebrities wcro printed at the foot Of the
ioturs that OF the President being given As Benjamin
: Harrison Apparently. those who issued the
lecture haven't yet discovered their mistake, ior they
ave taken no steps (, correct it. or course, the
natter Is OF no consequence except rs illustrating the
naccuracy of people who might be presumed 10 know
etter.
u Is remarkable that. although new fruits come 10
he mont every year. there l. not pear yet that mas
,een abl. to take the place Of the Bartlett or INC
cckel The Bartlett is European sort or dIii
4 III.
was introduced into this country, and Its name 10
citing lost It named Bartlett, after The man Ia
whose garden 1t when Its excellent qualities Mere
The Scckcl is native, n chance scedlins'
ound growing near the Schuylkll River, Philadelphia
nd the original tree stll stands and bears iruit
Mo bartlett is In season throughout September Is
ezekiel from the close OF September and through o,.
ober These two kinds exception 10 the RUE
hat the quality OF all pears increases IN value as We
recs get older. The fruit from full grown SEEK.
ear tree for instance. Is far superior 70 that non
tree frui,ing for the first time-(Practcal fafher'
A Kansas City man and wife have named their
TX sons Jack Frost, Winter Frost White Frost Goa
'rost, Early Frost and snow Frost. II they shouie
appear together In play, the performance "oui~
e called frost' by the wits OF the Riai'o'
First Boy-You ought TO come 10 the concert QUIZ
music teacher Is goin' TO give.
Second Boy-lou gon' TO be In : , sor.s
We're goin' 10 give cantata.
Second Boy-Wot's that .
First Boy-oh It's all about snnsane ara ca,n,ry
nd pcnics and harvesters, and all sorts oil country
hlngs. It's great.
Second Boy-Do you sing all that .v..,,
First Boy-N-no. Pm only In the nrst scene LA'"
iornin' on the farm"
Second Boy-What do you dol
First Boy-I crow.-lGood News.