The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1892-07-10
GUINEA HEN ALARM.
Bill Nye's Sure Way of Waking
the Hired Girl.
THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF ELK
Effect OF Humor ON Statesmanshfp-
George Washington a walihower
Compared With Depew.
copyright 1892, by Edgar W. Nye.,

Buck SHOALS, \. c.. July Especial
Correspondence. Thanks are due and
hereby extended to large number of
correspondents who have kindly replied
by mali to my inquiry regarding the use
and abuse of the guinea hen. Many have
written me from all over the Union, care
iu!iy signing nom de plume to their
letters, and telling me why the guinea is
valuable. Eighteen postal cards from the
Indian territory are signed by Cherokee
gentlemen with whom | have not been
corresponding for many years. owing to a
feeling of Impotence which l have main
tanned toward them since | learned that
they were to blame for my being short a
couple of grandparents.
Two long communications also regard
ing the guinea came from the West dated
Cherokee Strip. This, / judged, is the
name OF the postoffce, and has nothing to
do with the Indians mode of dress.
palma po-kah, late chief of
the Bru!e Appetite tribe. says that we
should not run down the guinea hen.
Who ever saw guinea hen that had run
down? If you wish to be alarmed during
the night you can set your guinea on that
hour and she will awaken YOU. She will
not run down.
We had domestic once who had Just
arrived from Europe. and her rest had
been broken up on the steamer, she said,
by the gayety of the first cabin, and the
routs and balls which she could not get out
OF very well without giving offense. Her
name was Tootie Tooterson, and | after
ward learned that her rest on board was
marrea by restless elephant that occupied
the stateroom next to hers, and not by the
gayety of the first cabin at all, as she was
not in touch with same.
She slept very soundly while ut our
house as cook, and irritated me by neg
Letting to get up in time for breakfast.
The life of q cook is such that unless she
gets up prior to her breakfast and takes
some exercise she is almost sure to get os-
sitication of the thought ganglia and coma
of the diapason.
So We got an alarm clock for her and
set it on O'Clock. 1t was one of those
alarm clocks which fetch loose in the
early gray of morning like a misunder-
standing between a xylophonic conclave
and boiler works. but Tootie Tooterson,
tired and full of fatigue and raw dried APP
pies. of which she was passionately fond,
slept on and on and on.
An actor man who went abroad for the
purpose of doing up Henry Irving on his
own ground came home on the same
steamer with Tootie. He had the state
room prior to or forward of the elephant,
while Tootie was abaft. He said that in
proportion to her size she was every bit as
seasck as the elephant was. So he was
sorry for us when he learned that frown-
ing Providence had selected us for the pur-
a.,cr md ivt,i nd
doing the interior decorating of her fam
inc works.
She was real hungry, with a tendency
toward dried apples in raw state, prefer
ring those that had been dried on a string.
Not being familiar with the English Ian
guage, she often neglected sometimes to
cut the string, and thus Colonel Gastric
had his hands full, and Tootie would moan
in her sleep, and moan and moan and
moan.
But she did not wake up, even when
the hand-to-liand struggle with the alarm
clock came. Even the fire department
and police walked up, but Tottie did not.
She kicked out another round from the
foot of her bed and slept on with her arm
beneath her head, so | am told.
L never saw any one sleep harder or
shake the SCOT down from the inside of
the chimney any more than she did.
Even after she got 10 putting the alarm
clock in her bed and 1T got to pulling the
straw out of the mattress and scattering
the linen over the room at 4 O'Clock she
slept as calmly and almost as unruffledly
as though she had been in the morgue.
1t was then that l bought the stock of
O'Clock guineas owned by a poultry
show and placed them under the window
of Tootie Tooterson, the European Slum-
berer.
She's in the asylum now, but they tell
me that after o'clock she is wide awake,
and people who have families dependent
on them go away from there as soon as
they can.
l am sorry that she lost her mind, of
course, but | feel worse for the person who
found it; for once when she was cooking
for us, and also taking care of the horse,
she busted my mantel, and not under