The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1892-12-29
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd. Curious. and Laushnb.o
l'hasAs Of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists os
Our own Day.

JAGsoN says the race in life is not
to the fast. Elmira Gazette.
If Il man stays at Lone nights he
will not be found out.--Picayune.
JOHNNY, give me a prover6." Am
putation is the thief of legs, Harp
er'S Bazar
THE manager OF an opera is iusti-
fed in putting on airs.
Statesman.
\ GERMANTOWN man advertise'
for Il sharp boy to cut wood."-
Philadelphia Record.
MANY man makes a failure of
life by trying to get along with his
kin.--AtchisDn Globe.
\ FRIEND of ours has named his
horse Nail" he5lu,e his wife cannot
drive him. Rose clf.
No MEAN man has a right to wish
he had never been b)rn. Let other
people do that for him.-Picayunc.
Mrs. MCGLoNE says she can never
trust her hnSband out of sight un-
less she is with him. Boston Trans
cript.
BAD boys are very promising young
sters just before being laid over the
parental knec.-G!cns Falls Rcpub-
lican.
THERE is hr'ck famine in Chi
cago Notwithstanding that the beer
saloons ar in full blast. chester
News.
The astronomers could tell more
about the comet if they could only
get onto its curves. .'-Philadelphia
Record.
WHENEVER there is a subject t. he
| discussed the deaf-muteS generally
have IA finger in it.--Binghamton
| Leader.
THERE are not few ciphers in So
ciety who think themselves good
enough figures for the german.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
is Miss HINOTE good singer"
"She must lie. Every other girl in
the choir seems to dislike her. -
Washington Star.
Il FIND it is always best to keep
cool" said the snow. Exactly" re-
piled the sidewalk. Il catch your
drift. ."-Washington Star,
a MAN cannot be expected to
stand in his own light" said the gas
company stOckholder who burned
candles. s.-Washington Star.
AUTHok-Why won't you purchase
lily play? There's money in it. Man.
ager-Ah. but | should want to get
money out Of it.--PickMc- Up.
| WHAT do you do here?" asked 4
visitor to the dime museum dwarf.
Il amuse the public in a small way"
replied the little man.-Detroit Free
| Press.
Il UNDERSTAND that all you bagged
on your hunting trip was pair of
trousers Wei, they were duck
trousers anyway - indianapolis
Journal.
HUSBAND Ito wife from Boston)-
you never find any blue stockings in
the Prince of Wales set" Wife
(strong-minded)-"No, blue is not a
fast color. Life.
The big beer syndicate has hardly
been formed with view to raising
the price. Beer will continue going
down no matter what happens
Philadelphia Times.
FERTHsHrRE MISSIONARY Ito poor
and motherless boy)-"But why is
your father not steady:" Boy (rctiect-
ivelyl--" Cause he's got a wudden
leg. g."-Dundee Courier.
WIFE Ito her husband)-1 say. my
dear, how badly the tailor has put
this button on your waistcoat! This
is the fifth time have had to sew it
on again. .-Bauren kalendar
"PREsBYTERlAN, are you. Effie?'
said the elderly relative. "United
Presbyterian" "N-not yet, auntie, ="
whispered the hlushing E:fie, but
I'm engaged. Chicago Tribune.
NOT IN BosTON.-"Shc's a fine
girl. No f!ummery. A straight up
and-down philanthropist." But I
don't like these straight up-and-down
girls. They're bad form. Puck.
A SWEET little 4-year-old added
this clause to her evening petition
the other night: And please help
grandma not to talk so much when
the pies get burned. ".-Bo,ton Trav-
, eller.
"BROTHER," says a Georgia editor,
don't stop your paper just because
, you don't agree with the editor. The
last cabbage you sent us didn't agree
with us either, but VIC didn't drop
/ you from our subscription list on that
} account. New York Tribune
Nor good subjects: First boy Gn
art gallery ALL these historical
pictures is about foreign countries.
Why don't the artists pint pictures
| Of American history? Second boy
guess it's cause Americans always
KEEP thur clothes on.-GoOd News.
, RELIABLE DATA.-"I say, Anna. my
husband came home very late last
night; can you tell me what time it
was:" PLEASE, ma'am, l don't know
exactly: but when got up this morn
ing masters top-cOat was still swing
ing backward and forward on the
pcy. La Cironde.