Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1892-01-06
FUN

Briggs-"Ah, see you are ont with
your Overcoat~
Griggs-"Yes, / just took it out"
Tsilor-"Is there any way that car
get you to pay this bill, sir3"
Travers-"Certainly Lend me the
cash."
"IIave you any paper collars3" no
asked, as he sidled into the store on
tiptoe.
Certainly, SIR" replied the affable
clerk. "Will one be enough? How
is everything in East St. Louis?"
Visitor-The portrait is very fine,
but you seem to have devoted more
time to the hands than the face.
Artist-That's so. You see tie
hands pay over the money
Guest-Waiter, bring me a cup OF
coffee.
Waiter-How will you have it, sir,
weak or strong?
"Pd hkeit weak, but not week after
next. Hurry it up"
Friend-I see you are squanderins
your money in all manner of dissipa-
ton.
Fast Boy-Yes, Pm a little flesh,
but I'll get ripe after awhile.
Yes, like pears get ripe-in the straw, q,
A man who was deeply in debt was
sick unto death.
"Ah," he sighed, '.if 1 could only
live until / had paid off my debts"
"Humph" sneered the doctor,
bluntly, ''you want to live forever, do
your"
Customer Gn tea store tasting the
iea)-I don't like his tea. 1t tastes
like hay.
Exasperated Clerk don't know
sir, whether it does or not. Pm not
such a donkey as to know how hay
tastes.
"You are not looking WE'LL" said a
gentleman to friend who was suffer
ing from too much whiskey.
"No, Pm all broke up. Pm mighty
glad now i drank plenty whiskey when
had a chance, for / couldn't do II
now," was the response.
Tailor calling on Doctor)-"Here Il.
this bill of six dollars that / have
called on you half dozen times about,
and this is my last visit, sir!"
Doctor-"That's right, sir. ]
charge a dollar visit and Wen now
call it square"
Hammerstein-s.I understand there
was quite run on clothing in Baxter
street this morning2"
Tackheimer-"So help me Nose,
but you are rightl Some one snatched
a first-hand suit off one of Cohen's
prize dummies. The whole street was
in the chase"
Young Cleverton from New York
has been invited by Miss Calumet OF
Chicago to a whist party.
Miss Calumet-Mr. Cleyerton, you
will have me for a partner, and will
YOU not remove your collar before we
begin? am sure you will be much
inore comfortable.
"This cloth" said the tailor, "is very
durable, but, will tell you frankly,
it has one fault. The texture is SO
loose that it catches everything"
THAT settles it," replied the Gus
toner. "Make me a suit of it, and
will wear il to the races. If it catches
anything there / shall be satisfied"
Baxter (who has been out all night
to Office boy) "Here, James, &c
around to my house and ask my wife
for clean pair of cuffs" Can hour
later) "Well, why didn't you gel
them? What did my wife say?"
James-"She said she'd give you
plenty of cuffs when you came home. y
st. Louis Man-'I will bet you 6
new suit the Fair will be held in St
Louis.
New York kMan-''Where is the sui
to be made?"
St. Louis Man-'.In st. Louis OF
course"
New York Mani must decline
the bet"
Wife-''You shabby mani There's
a big hole in your trousers. l should
certainly think you would get a new
pair and look decent"
Husband (two hours later, display
ing new What do yor
think of these? Ten dollays."
Wife (crying)-"That's just lik,
you, when you knew i wanted new
bonnet"
Professor Ito a student who had OF
in the lecture hall loud cravat insteaC
of a white one)-These loud crsvati
are becoming very fashionable, i
seems.
Student-Yes, Professor; that's so
Professor (severely)-But they ar,
not worn in the presence of gentlemen
Student (somewhat confused)-No
Professor; they never are.
George" she said, as she lay quiv
ering in his tightly clasped arms
"what was that noise l heard2"
"Nothing of importance, Gladly
darling" he answered. "a slight ri,
in my coat, that was ALL" And theI
as the sound of two beating heart
slowly filled the room and fioated on
through the back door, she murmureC
softly: George, dear, you couldn'
make that coat rip little more, coulC
youw
One of the Board of Education, go
ing his rounds as an amateur, put tn,
following question to a scholar in
country school.
"How do you parse, Mary mike,
the cow'2"
Pupil-"Cow is a noun, feminin
gender, singular number, third person
and stands for Mary"
"Stands for Mary !" exclaimed he o
the Board; chow do you make tina
out?"
Because" added tho intelligen
pupil, elf the cow didn't stand TO
Nary, how could Mary milk herp