Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-03-19
A wOMAN's CLUB.

with Critical Sketches of the Various Mem
bers Thereunto Belonging.
Miss Meander in Boston Gazette.
The Ardent Young Member who has Just
Joined She is SO ardent. She has never had
the pleasure Of writing any statistics before.
and now she opens her mouth. eyes and note
book over them. To her the horrors of Russia,
the increase of crime. the tenement-house ques-
ton, the race problem, theosophy, physical
culture and drainage delightfully."- alarming
questions, over which she weeps and Pushes
and applauds as their many sides are presented
and discussed. She listens with respect and
awe to every one who speaks, and trembles
with delight to find herself member of such q
wonderful club. She votes both ways with a
feeble voice or hand and then conscientiously
wonders if she oughtn't to arise and explain,
that new count may be taken. She never
misses a meeting; is always early; never gets
up TO go out before the speaker has finished
and exhibits superfuous qualification if any
one speaks to her. She is very careful to wear
her good clothes to the club and always spends
considerable time on her back hair
The Tough Old Member is at once the admit
ration and despair OF the Ardent Young Mem
Der. who wonders how she ever dares to glare
az the speaker as she does and have so little
spect for him or her apparently. She is never
enthusiastic over anything. frequently turns
eral and often rises and goes out while the
speaker is In the midst of the most delightfully."-
intricate whirl of startling statistics. The
Tough Old Member has sized up every one in
the club and. If the occasion demands, is not
delicate about expressing her opinions. She
stands In awe OF no one is not deceived over
any ones age or intellect never applauds,
seldom crltlcises In any way, but has an l.
know -the-wnole business air which shuts up
fresh members like the camp chairs they sit in.
The EriyOlous Membar moi aluava
spoken of. but often relieves the meetings OF
the gloom that sometimes gathers about them
and makes a break i'll the mists of monotony in
which they are annually engulfed. though
the majority of the members do not care to
giggle, the minority that care to but do not
dare to feel a sort of safety valve in the FrIvo-
lous Member and enjoy her presence. The
Frivolous Member means to be frivolous. it is
no uncomfortable and unexpected impulse
that besets her. She cmellitates and ar
ranges her frivolity that It's startling contrast
to the other members grave composure may
be unmlstakable and pronounced and gain iur
her the distinction which ierky and sponta-
neous frivolity would never bring.
And We have the Ladylike Member. Women
who fall over chairs and drop umbrellas have
a singing appreciation of her and a sneaking
hope that she doesn't much. She is
always composed and v attired, listens at
tentively. only smiles with one side of her face
at a time and avoids discussion. She has the
oors. and people do not feel obliged to draw in
their feet when she passes them. The Lady
ike Member Is ladylike way through. We 10
not feel that she slams a door after her when
she is out o. sight or unnecessarily twirls a
chair round like a top to relieve suppressed
feeling. We somehow feel that her composure
is built on Christian spirit and gentle heart.
The GrumblIng Member is another safety
valve for the other members. Sure that every
deficiency, from the bylaws to the front-door
mat. have been or will be attacked by her, the
others can afford to assume the amiable virtues
which they have not, confident that their bat
ties will be fought for them. The Grumbling
Member is ever ready to fight battles-scents
danger afar off and never gets over dangers
pasts. Like the inebriated individual who
threatened to lick his wife if he found her sit
ting up on his return, the Grumbling Member
approaches the club with a frown that makes
even doughty director yearn for refuge in the
coal scuttle or a temporary perch on the top of
an elevator.
The Vigorous Member is divided into two
classes-she who accomplishes something with
her vigor and she who does not. The former
is the leaven of an often lumpy club, while the
latter Is as maddening as twenty-four tons Of
coal sliding from a four-horse cart. One
electrities, the other irritates. One makes a
motion and carries it out, while the other is
flying about crying what ought to be done.
One brings water, while the other wells Fire.
The vigorous Members often relax from criti-
OF peace and pleasant platitudes settles over
the club, but suddenly. like the east wind that
arises and begins to slam doors and blow dust
around the corners into your eyes, the Vigorous
Members awake to action and the club re-
mounts its roller coasters Of rCmpus and re-
form
And the other members are: The Timid
Members, who rise to speak and wish they
hadn't, or those who do not rise to speak and
wish they had; the Bel!icose Members, who
could work wonders if they had only had some
old Cy Prime to back them; the members who
only come when there is something to eat, and
the members who only come to gossip in the
dressing room: the member whose manner is a
constant apology for living. and the member
who nails every one to the wall while she ex-
amines them; the member who likes to whisper
while n paper Is being read, and the member
who wants the city noises to cease while she
listens; the Sociable Member. who is as popu-
lar as the pennypOst. aud the Mean Member,
who talks about all the other members.