davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02
BILLS GIRL.

She's not 80 very short, yet neither is she aw-
full tall.
In bfaggin' on her shape you can't 60 wrong;
Her eyes are big and snappy, and her nose Is
straight and small,
And her mouths jest built for kissin right
along.
And BnI-weIf, he's no beauty and he's big
and iumb'rin', too
I've wondered how he got her to say yes
Dut what's the use Of reBsonin' on what allus
has been true,
Sence love made his fust deal in happiness'
You see, BiIrs girls SO pert and keeu so sassy
and so KNOWN
While he amt got much gumption, as you've
found,
That It looks almighty curious why she give
him sech showin'
With lots Of other fellows hyin' round.
but my notion Of a woman is that when it
comes to men
She's apt to do the thing you'd think she
wouldn't;
Yet for which she has within her something far
beyond our ken.
That lets her know Jest what she should or
shouldn't
Aud so Bills glrl, / reckon feels sight more
satisfied
With Bill jest as he Is than II he were
Doth rarned and rich and handsome, and I'm
sure she takes pride
In noticin the store he sets by her.
Browne Perriman, in Yankee Blade.
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02
CHURCH AND STATE

Sharp Exchanges between Eccleslastics
and the Lalty.
Tradition tells of fiery Anglo Indian
colonel who. getting into hot dispute
with portly clergyman. remarked,
pointedly. ut is pity that black ants
should not be useful in proportion to
their size" Whereon the parson ct
once retorted, ut is greater pity that
red ants, which are SO Insignificant,
should yet be so offensive"
Another collision Of this kind between
church and state, in which the church
again had the best of it, is said to have
occurred at an English public dinner,
where would-be witty officer asked a
well-known colonial bishop, who sat
next to him, whether he could tell the
difference between bishop and dom
key, and then proceeded to explain that
the one wears the cross on his head, and
the other wears it on his back.
Every good, Major B." said the
bishop. "But now, can you tell the diff
ference between an army officer and a
donkey?"
mo, my lord, can not" replied the
major.
Nor can l." rejoined the bishop,
quietly.
Even this. however, was surpassed by
another passage of repartee between
the gown and the sword which is still
preserved among the society legends o,
Calcutta. A certain famous English
general the hero Of two eastern wars.
found his health beginning to give way
beneath the strain of long and arduous
service, and was ordered home by his
doctors. On the day of his embarkation
for England he was accompanied by q
vast crowd of friends, to whom he be.
gan to distribute various small tokens
of his regard.
swell, general" asked the bishop Of
Calcutta, who was one of the party,
sshave you no memento to leave to ar
old friend like me?"
20, / have not forgotten you, my
lord" cried the general. ION the CON
trary, l have bequeathed to you my en-
tire stock of impudence."
"ren thousand thanks, my dear gen
cral," replied the undaunted bishop
"You have given me by far the largest
and most valuable part of your prop
erty.'
Apd then the bishops wife turned te
her husband, and said, sweetly, my
dear, / am glad to see that you have
come into your legacy so soon. ."-Davit
Ker, in Harper's Magazine.
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02
PuNGENr PARAGRAPHS.

That's Why She Told It-Wifc-sl
can't imagine why Mrs. Tattel circu-
lated that story told her." Husband
-s'You probably told her it was to be
kept secret. Blade.
Fast Shrinkage = Reportah - $50
poor Will was accidentally strangled to
death. How'd it happen?" Flicker
''Got caught in shower and couldn't
unbutton the collar of his flannel shirt
The fellow who reports that he has
found snakes in the Adirondacks COW
cred with fur like minks had better
come home. He has already been too
long on vacation. n.-Binghamton Re-
publican.
They Don't Speak Now.-Madge-
"Will Wishlets Just goes crazy over
girls with small feet" Mabel-"Then
there's not the slightest danger of his
losing his mind on your account, dear"
Brooklyn Eagle.
That Explains It--Lady-"My hus-
band and never dispute before chill
dren. If we think a quarrel is coming
on we send them out" Kind Friend
20, that's why see them so often in
the street."-Harper's Bazar.
Overheard at the Branch. :"
said Chappie. gleefully, "this sea air
makes me feel fresh as daisy" Are
You sure you weren't born SO, Mr.. Hap
kins?" asked the summer girl, who was
beginning to long for change. IN. Y.
Herald.
10, yes! He's quite q remarkable
man. Able to concentrate his mind ON
one particular subject, no matter how
great the crowd and confusion around
him. His power of abstraction is simply
wonderful. what is his special branch
of science?" ''Kleptomania, l think
they call il. ."-Washington Post.
lyon don't seem disposed to cult
vate my acquaintance, . said Biffton to
Miss Peppcrton. Really, Mr.. Biffton,
don't remember having been presented
to any acquaintance of yours who pre-
sented a deficiency in cultivation that I
felt equal to supplying" and she sailed
out of the room, leaving Biffton sorry
he spoke. Washington Star
The seaside ho.,l clerk was looking
through his books to make out the bill
Of the departed guest, when the latter
laid his wallet on the counter and asked
the clerk whether he wanted any more.
swat until I've made out the bill,
please" said the clerk, haughtily. 70,
that's all right" said the guest reassur-
ingly. II used to own a summer resort
hotel myself"-N. Y. Recorder.
"A Provoking Woman HE had mar
ried her for her money, and their do
mestic life was not the most harmo-
NOUS ~ was sold when married
you.' he said to her one day in tone
of disappointment Possibly" she re-
piled very quietly; possibly. Iwouldn't
undertake to say; but il you were dear,
you haven't realized any cash on the
sale yet have you" He picked up his
hat for answer, and went out where he
could take long breath. Detroit Free
Press
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02

been attracted by the lights; but they
showed no sign of fear when pulled up
dripping and cold upon the timber.
They found difficulty in standing on
the round logs with their little feet,
but they did not shrink from the boys
and the only trace of timidity they
showed was in huddling close together.
The boys took them by the horns and
led them several PAGES toward the CEN
ter OF the raft where they would be Sc
cure from the waves when they got in
rougher water They went as docilely
as II they were q pair of calves, and
stood without making any motion
when let go ON the Ice side of the
shanty. Almost Immediately after
ward the brothers saw by the flashing
light OF their lantern another dark OBJ
ject approaching, and on nearing the
edge OF the raft to their infinite horror
they discovered that il was a bear.
They now knew why the two deer had
come aboard; the bear had evidently
pursued the deer through the woods to
the edge of the water and plunged in
behind them after the frightened carl
bou had struck out after the floating
mass They at once ran to look for
their peevies, which are heavy wooden
poles with stout iron spikes and hooks
attached to the end. but in their con-
fusion they could not find them. Be-
fore they had searched long they saw
that the bear had got upon the logs
and hulked we'll in out of reach of the
billowA He did not 60 near the deer,
which probably he did not see, but
stood cropching across three or four Of
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02

An elderly woman entered an optic
ian's store on broadway the other day
to make some purchases and stopped to
examine q curious-looking card which
stood ON . glass case. 1t was q picture
of ballet dancer, wearing gauzy
pink skirt She turned to clerk be-
hind the counter, and asked:
'sWhat do you call this thing?"
THAT, madam" blandly replied the
clerk, lis . French barometer. The
skirt of the ballet girl is saturated with
q che mical mixture. In fair weather It
is blue. When the weather changes
and it is about to rain IL becomes violet.
During the rain il turns pink.
The woman looked closely at the card
for q moment, and then walked to the
door and looked ct the srnny sky. She
said:
.lts no good. The skirts pink and
It's perfectly dry outside."
The clerk took the card In his baud
and glanced with . puzzled oppression
st the pink skirt. Then he looked u
the door, and light came into his face.
"Madsm," he said, ''our boy has just
sprinkled the Aoor."
The woman looked disgusted, said
sshrh. /" and walked out The clerk con-
tinued TO smi1e-N Y. Sun
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02

"A mail from Yokohama, dispatched
via Vancouver and the Canadian Paci-
fic railway route, has reached London
in twenty-six days-the quickest deliv-
cry Of such mail on record
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02

Summer Boarder-Look ut my face,
Mrs. Starvem. It's full Of musquito
bites
Mrs. Starvem (of Hsyfeld Gross.
Roads, - That's not musquito bitee
That's high Avin.-N, Y, Weekly.
The Colfax chronicle., 1892-01-02

stout rope lying across the joint next
to the one upon which they stood. The
truth dawned upon them; the cable had
been shot from a mortar in the fort,
and here was their deliver
ance. They at once took hold OF
the heavy rope and made it fast to
the two outer corners of their little
raft, then swung their lantern. In fe "
seconds twenty pairs of stalwart
arms were pulling on the cable
and drawing it slowly foo. by foot
in the teeth of the hurricane
toward the shore. The diminished
raft was dragged into leeward of the
reef and at last pulled upon the be ach.
In fifteen minutes more the boys would
have met their death below the falls.
The deer permitted themselves to be
secured by ropes and led ashore, and
they were afterward put in park near
by the garrison where they became
tame and dociie. The brothers returned
home next day, but the rest of the raft
went over the falls and the bear with
it; his body was found afterward whirl-
ing around among the rocks below.
The method of sending the rope to the
raft was as follows: Several coils of
the rope were placed in . shell,
the rope itself passing out from hole
in the side, q coil of about four hun
dred yards being placed near the gun;
the shell was fired from one of the
heavy mortar, and at the first shot was
successful Edmund Collins, in N. Y.
independent.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

1000 cenulne Tyler Curtain Desks sG' a"'
1& I $&S2f Net Spot Cash. D,.h.,
No. 1907 Antique Oak Standard JSlcF ~ ms ms.
DIT. Gin. long by3ft. Gin. high. Mice anu rn n
Proof, Zinc Bottom untor drawers; paiGntic Trm.
lined Curtain; Polished oak; Writing To9ie; brsTy
cardboard Filing Boxes; Cupboard In end; ,raa TvIt
Finished Buck; Extension Arm slides; mt .e,.
600 lbs. Price. F. o II. ut Factory.
Also 1000 Antique Ash pesSs :, Solid
AntIore 1Ash. GOOD as OAK. Weight zoo ,9,;
Price +. o.. e. ut Factory. rel Set. s ~ psot
from our indianapolis factory direct Aaue a.1 La.
solely By the TYLER DESK CO., ST. LOUIE p .n,s;.
leo p,go Catalosnc OF Bank Couhters, peskt'
1nest ever printed. loots :res; postage 10 eeh". r,rs
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

A PATRIOTIC WORK.

Every person who Is opposed to FREQ Trads
Slavery and favors American Industrial Indcpen
dcnco secured through tho policy Of Protection.
should read the documents published by The
American Protective Tariff League. As a patrio:'
citizen. 1t is your duty to place these documents
IN the hands Of your friends. They arc interest
ing and instructive. and embrace discussions Of
all phases Of the Tariff question. The League pub
fishes over 20 different documents. comprising
nearly GOO pages o~tp!aInly printed. carefully edited
and reliable information. Among tho authors o.
these documents arc, Hon. James G. Blaine; VIM
Mckinley. Jr.. Governor Of Ohio; Senator s. u.
Cullom. Of Illinois; Senator Joseph y. Dolph. Of
Oregon !; Senator A.. s. Paddock, of Nebraska;
Senator Frye. Of Manic; Senator Casey, Of North
Dakota; Senator Justin S. Morrill,, Of Vermont;
Senator Nelson ". Aldrlch. OF Rhode Island;
Hon. Thomas Il. Dudley. Of New Jersey; Hon.
Robert P. Porter. Of Washington; Prof. j. i"
Dodge. Of the Agricultural Department at wash
ington; Commodore ". L.. 7. Hughes; Hon.
Z. A. llartshorn, OF New York Congressman
Dolliver. Of Iowa; Hon. 3. F.. Jones David Hall
Rice. of Boston E1-congressmun Perkins. Of Kan
sas; DR.. +. P. Miller. OF New York; Hon. Goo, ORA
per. Of Mass; Hon. @. I. Edwards. of Tcxas Judge
Win. Lawrence. Of OHIO; Hon. D. G. Hartman OF
New York Hon. Geo. S. Boutwell,, OF Mass; hon'
E.. H. Amidown, OF New York; Euoch Ensley, Of
Tennessee.
This complete set OF documents will BIO sent
any address, post paid, for Fifty t5o) Cents Az
dress. Wilbur F. Waterman, Sccy, No. - "a
Two - n%t,t- rI--.I - WI o.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

sails scarcely filed by the faintcst OF
breezes, which merely whispered OF tho
morning; for the Hun, seemed TO stand 4
tremendous globe OF crimson on the
sra-horizon, away ovor there between
Greecc and Crete.
My eyes never before behold so tran
scendent and radiant n scene. Tho
whole bosom OF tho sea seemed cnvel-
oped in downy mantle Of pearl, gold
mud crimson, which, lying low upon the
water, showed countless mntchless
changes OF color, and possessed tho
added marvellous effect OF lifting all dis
cernable objects to IN %unwonting alti-
tude.
Our brigantino, with otles craft here
and there about US, appeared to ride
upon an opalesccnt, intangible yet pal.
pablo surface OF softly flaming cloud.
Though Sicily lay sixty miles to tho
north, its shorL.linc, lifted vertically.
and not in mirage, showed strangely
near, with the hugo CONF OF Etna like q
spear.head OF silver above.
But where arc the words with which
to paint for anothor's seeing the island
aud Its ancient city Of tho Knights MS
they rose out OF the pulslng, throbbine
tints Of that glorious morning %witchery2
II ono could dream that tho gods had
transformed tho sen into a bed OF cameo
rose, and, through cycles Of time, with
their most cunning artiticers wrought 1t
into miracles OF tlligree, and then CHS.
eled uponNit q white relief OF the Is.
lands area, whose wondrous design had
eliminated in outlines and detail OF
massive grandeur and matchlcas sim
plicity where the city OF fortresses and
palaces stood, 4 vague hint OF this morn.
ing scene could come with tho dream
ing and seeming.
And on this morning, as we slowly
glided into the eastern Of tho two ports,
and tho ideal gradually resolved into
tho real, the mind, following the
imagery OF that cameo, its setting, and
those who wrought, loved to linger on
tho thought thai those who had built
had left their miracle OF labor silent
and still, as q ghostly and stately hous.
ing for all who came. Utter silence
brooded over tho vast blcached battle
ments. Escarpments, terraces, bastions,
entablatures and huge fiat roofs were
~lifeless and still. The shipping was
tlagloss, apparently crewless, and still
as though craven from onyx into the
picture. Not IN oar stirred the mirror
ing harbor. Not moro still or pregnant
with mystery is the Lybian Sphinx
than "a every strange object upon
which the eye might rest. Not q thing
having lie stirred or was visible, save
when Jul craft swung around and tug.
gcd gently at her anchor, the rays OF
the sun, shooting over vittoriosa'. ram
parts, struck like golden spears upon
st. Elmo's bastions. They routed a
myriad drowsy ~jaclidaws, which rose in
ilocks and hoarsely screamed. This was
our only welcome to Malta and imprcg-
nablo Nalletta. EDGAR L. WAKEMAS.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

DISEASES or WOMEN.-wc have a special de-
p:artnent. thoroughly organized, and devoted ex.
e~lusively to the treatment Of diseases Of women.
Every case consulting our specialists, whether by
letter or in person, is given the most careful and
considcrate attention. Important cases land we get
lew which hive not bafled the skill Of all The
home lphysicians) have the benefit OF a full council
OF skilled specialists. In treatment Of diseases
peculiar TO females, our success has been marked,
over two.,hirds Of our patients being ladies, old,
young, married, single, rish and poor. Our method
IS entirely free frora Objectionable features Of the
general practitioner, namely, Local treatment"
We seldom find /: necessary. We prepare rene.
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and instruct ladies how to treat themselves.
MARRIAGE Married persons, or young men con.
templasne marriage, aware Of physical weakness,
loss OF provocative powers, impotency, or any other
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PRIVATE DlSEASES.-Blnoi Poison, Vcncreal
Iaint. elect, Structure, Seminal Emissions. Loss Of
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Of Desire in Male or Female, whether from impru-
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toEa parts Of the United States.
EPILEPSY. OR FlTS-Positively cured by a new
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The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

YOUNG hEN-Who have becoin. victims Of soil
,ary vice, that dreadful and destructive habit,
which annually 3weeps to an un.imely grave tl,ous-
ands Of young men OF exalted talent and brilliant
intellect. may call with confidence.
DRS. FRANCE AND 0TTRhM. after years Of ex.
pesicnce, have discovered the greatest cure known
for weakness in the back and limbs. involuntary dis.
charges, impotency, general debility. nervousness,
langMor, confusion Of ideas, palpi,ation Of the heart,
~timidity, trembling. dimness Of sight, or giddiness,
diseases Of the head. throa:, nose, or skin, alice.
tons Of the liver, lungs, stomach, or bowcls-thoss
terrible disorders arising from the solitary vice Of
yoM.h--and secret practices. blighting their most
radiant hopes or au,icipations, rendering marriage
impossible. Take one candid though, before it is too
late. A week or month may place you. case beyond
the reach Of hope. Our method Of r. .atmcni vii.
speedily. and permanently, cure the most obstinate
case, and absolutely restore perfect manhood.
TO MlDDLE.AGE5 MEH.-These are many from
the age OF 80 to % who are troubled with frequent
eyaeuauons OF the bladder, often accompaniedb by 4
slight burning or smart,ng Sensation, weakening the
system in a manner the patient canno, account for.
On examinatio, OF the urinary deposits, a ropy
sediment will be found, or the color will be a thin or
milkish hue. There are many men who die Of this
difficulty, ignorant Of the cause. which is 4 second
stage Of Seminal weakness. We will guarantee a
perfect cure in all such cases, and a healthy
restoration Of the genito-urinary organs.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05
WITH HIS HEART IN HIS MOUTH.

That's tho Way Lincoln Spoke and the
Why Republican Leaders Should Speak
To-day.
TO The Editor Of he H!dlignccr:
S1E:-When Lincoln made his in
augural speech March 4, 1861, some
Democratic paper made q remark that
Lincoln spake with his heart in his
mouth. About the beginning OF 1865 I.
was fortunate enough to hear q speech
made by honest old Abe, and he spoke
with his heart In his mouth. l was a
messenger at that time and 1 had orders
to deliver a dispatch to General Grant
at City Point, sent by &c neral f. O. C.
Ord, commanding the department Of
the army OF the James. l delivered
the message and was about to return.
when l heard shouts, "Here comes hon
est Abel" "Lincoln!" "Lin colnH'
Speech, specch!" Flo raised his hat
in recognition OF the crowd that gath
cred around him. He wore q happy
smile, and said: "Well, boys, there is
no platform here to speak from; but
here pointing to himself) is the Re-
publican platform to speak of-the5
grandest platform that has ever been
framed in this country"
He spoke OF the grand achievements
he expected Of the Republican party,
and Of its liberty. He said it was the
only party that made liberty q constltu-
tional fact. He wanted IN American
dollar to be worth one hundred cents
from pole to pole, and wound up by.
saying. "My dear boys, if I were to,
talk to YOU until the hair Of my head
would grow to the ground I could not
tell YOU n half OF the beauty OF the
Republican party"
His voice rang and his eyes sparkled
and every word seemed to spring from.
his heart. Then we knew that he
talked with his heart in his mouth.
l will say if the Republican leaders Of
West Virginia will speak with their
hearts in their mouths during the next
campaign wo will roll up such a
majority as will not be counted out.
.HHtts 80 " g#-.- .a4S4raP~H II. CT, hHl
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05


We offer One Hundred Dollars Re-
ward for any case OF Catarrh that can
not be cured by taking Halls Catarrh
Cure.
+. ]. CHENEY Co., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known F.
J.. Cheney for the last fifteen years, and
believe him perfectly honorable in all.
business transactions and financially
ableto carry out any obligation made by
their firm.
WEsr 4 TRUAx,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
WALDISG, KISNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internal
ly, acting directly upon the blood and
mucous surfaces OF the system. Price
75c.,per bottle. Sold by all druggists.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

Friend-'1 hear your minister is max
ing more or less heretical utterances
every Sunday" Deacon Snoozer-
"What! Do you mean it?" "That's
what folks say" "Merciful heavens!
I'll stay awake next Sunday and listen"
-p,tci
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

TILE cELEBRATED EXAMINING PHYSICIAN OF THE
FRANCE MEDICAL n SURGICAL INSTITUTES,
SSd4OM Gays :%sa sskn Estate House cohnbuso. hcorporaed1sas. caplhltssoo,ooo.
r,,D Z FRANCEAND oTTMAN. Of w York. the we'll known and succashS Specialists in
C ensSHS p seas sp , ,ndf DS .sn1sS Of The Es nd Ear on seount ~ heir large practice ii Ohio. have
=eMes W. gu .m be sH FHsS .It nmndIesda On The HtS Scientific principles. They AZ ably assisted by aMn
GsPpe Skk hf' 70 IHAS STsa NSso Fk pS e .nms ., rt .s t gil s.b By. new Esa&ss a..a ,h., ,,.,
ULWE BLOSSOM. Tn. cure is effected by ONE namen Entirely harmless and easily applied,
Consultation Free md Shcl1 Confidential. Caregwmdenc. promptly answerd.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

Such was tho CHEEKY call Of our cap
tain as We approached the most famous
island Of tho Mediterranean. When l
reached tho deck our craft lay a league
distant from port, almost impcrceptibly
moving towards the white island and
winter city over u. rippleloss sea, With
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-03-05

No Money Required of Responsible Parties to Commence Treatment
T9I.3.s France CO ottEnaa,
formerly oiNcw YoE uowotthc FRANCE MEDICAL AND SURGICAL INSTITUTE Columbus,
Gt ohk. by request Of Many ihendJ and patients. haYod ccdcdto visit t
RRipGEPoRT, SHERMAN HOUSE, WEDNESDAY,, MARCH 80.
RELLAlRE WINDSOR HOTEL, THURSDAY, MARCH 81. /.
tn poeoSd echbcthc different diseases bIerthan the sick cant emNlyeGl y Is I, wonder
might hrnnyn not possess Ther dngnoslc powers have created wonder, Throughout the
country The FnneM Medical and Surgical Institute. OF Columbus Ohio u te only Medical
-InMNue In tho Sno Incorpnpted with o @pMl oE9Nm .L.... -NM.-