The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-02-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A circuit judge-The electrician.
love the music that handorgan plays:
owe it, that is, when it's far away.
PUCK.
As a soul-stirring invention the bastin-
ado is worthy eminent mention. Boston
Courier.
When a handsome girl comes out, her
papa has to come down Handsomely
Boston Transcript.
Notwithstanding the fact that the last
laugh is best, every story teller seems
anxious for you to have it.
Wives of great men oft remind us.
We should pick our wives with care;
So we may not leave behind us
Half our natural crop of hair"
When pretty woman goes to man
with her troubles she is likely to gain
his sympathy, his heart, and more
trouble.
Yabsley-"Does your wife ever choose
your clothing for you2" Wickwire--"No;
she merely picks the pockets. "-IHdIan-
apolis Journal.
The cautious nature of the Indians mas
account for their preference for accept
ing official statements with reservations.
-Baltim0re american.
Miss Flirthard-'T think Mr.. Great
heart is so silly" Miss Likewise-''Why
so9" Miss Flirthard-tWhy, he gets
serious SO soon. ."-BostoR Courier.
"Women's voice is best adapted to the
telephone, they say" $50 have heard.
She seems to find plenty of other uses for
1t, though. ."--IndiandpOIis Journal.
whats your fee for collecting thisS"
He inquired with nervous thrill;
And the lawyer calmly made reply:
1.-The whole amount of the bill"
Judge.
"John," said the wife of dying
man, "here's DR.. Parsonberry come to
talk to YOU" ''Tell him I'll see him at
the funeral" gasped John.-Neo Yorb
Sun.
Mr. Dudlet-'I have great talent, Miss
Caustic, and could do wonderful things
if only had mind to-" Miss Caustic
-"Yes; you only lack the mind. y
Comic.
He tells her how wicked he use to BE-,
Till she shudders and softly cries Lap
But never, not ever, no, never does he
Tell any such yarns to her ma.
Indianapolis Journal.
"Now, John, "said Mrs. Deporque to
the new gardner, 81 hope you will re-
member all that have told you. And
whatever you do, don't forget 10 water
the eectric.light plant"
Miss Gushley-"0h, what lovely
poetry. And did you really write this
out OF your headl" Rimer (provoked)-
"No, indeed; was quite sane when l
wrote it, think. Boston Ne,oS.
Now that we have the safety bicycle
and the safety razor, it would noE be a
bad scheme of some inventive genius to
gild the market with a safety accordion,
for the benefit of beginners. .-PUck.
Little Mani understand, sir, that
you have called me an unmitigated liar. "
| Big Man-"No, didn't use the word
unmitigated. Little Man-''Then l
accept your apology. London P'Reh.
1--WE do our own weigh,n say the little fish,
AS they wiggle their torked tails;
| 1--WE do our own weigh because, you sec
We always carry our scaies.n
Detroit Free Press.
He-"You say you love me, but can
/ nut Dt iul WAlIs - ~ bbNahoN dAl
poor2 There are better things in this
world than money" She-"Quite true,
but it takes money to buy them. Dos
ton Budget.
Relative-"Well, | sincerely hope you
will be happy with him, Mandy. IS he
a steady young man" Miss Mandy
"Steadyl My goodness Aunt Judy, he's
been coming TO see me for more than
eleven years. - Chicago Tribune.
He (despairingly)-"I doesn't matter
if have got lots of money, cannot for
Get that my grandfather was stage
driver" She (sweetly-"That's all
right-you can refer to your ancestral
haul without going into particulars. -
brooklyn Life.
Fashionable Tourist (wiping his fore
head on the Alps as he suddenly turns
round rook)-'Just to think of 1t ! Here
I've climbed six thousand feet up the
side of this mountain only to meet face
TO face one of my heaviest creditors. ~
FIiegeRde Blastter.
He--"What made you think that pic
turo in the Academy was minei You
must be a judge Of style, because it was
unsigned" She (modestly)- fiat
ter me. really didut know it was
yours until saw everybody laughing at