St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-11-13
JOKES ON COLUMBUS
Irreverent Jests at the EX-
pense Of the Great
Admiral.
How Mark Twain Laeerated
the Feelings OF the Geno-
csc Guide.
Not the First Time Christie
pher Had Been on a
Bust.
A Swedish Boys Composition
on Columbus and His
Discovery.

morous character at the present dav'
saws the St. Louis PUst-DiSpatch. III
mis- own tine. to be sure. lie afforded
endless mirth to his scientific and theo-
logical contemporaries. HIS comic lue'
that the world was round and not ilat'
his hilarious conception that you might
circumnavigate the globe and so ina a
new way to the Indies, the absurd
unreasonabeuess which made nm
reject the opinions OF some
of the most able and thoughtful
mariners OF the period that beyond Cape
l3oiador the waters OF the ocean rose 10
boiling point, and that fatuous per-
sistence with which one after another
he thought to interest the p0tentates OF
the earth in an expedition based upon
these various assumptions, all CONFRONTED
to make the scorned world look upon
him as an entertaining kind OF lunatlc.
Sometimes they cOndescended 10 rea-
son with him. Then they showed MN
that even if his theory OF round glooe
were true, it might be easy enough 10
sail down hill 10 the other size, out ill-
possible to sail up hill back again 10 ms
stOpping place. They proved by scrip
Columbus was not only madman, but
a hereto. There is real merit-lndeed,
there is humor of a high order
in sylogism put forth by
great theologian named PostatuS:
1.-The apostles were commanded TO go
into all the world, and to preach the
gospel to every creature: they did not
20 to any such part of the world as the
antipodes: they did not preach the
gospel to any creature there-ergo' no
antipodes exists"
So Columbus was not only a humor-
GUS object to himself, but the cause OF
humor In others.
After he had proved his point, how
ever after he had triumphantly sailed
back 10 Spain from his voyage OF DIS
covery, he was no longer an OBJECT OF
derison, but of envy. detraction and
hatred. Like many other great men, ne
aad to wait for death to vindlcate nm.
Death brought with it all ap0theoSlS:
Nobody dared, indeed, nobody cared
20 mock at the neW-made god.
1t was centuries before the
divinity that hedged him was set
aside, and men looked at him face to
:ace as on fellow man, though one OF
the mightiest of his fellows. lie mad
great soul and a willing spirit; but the
flesh was often weak.
And thus it happened that the funny
man found it was no longer a sacrilege
to deal with his memory IN the lrrever-
ent spirit Of burleSque and carlcature.
And of recent years, especially the
funny men. have frequently turned
their attention to him,
Hopkins Sad HumOr.
In the wear 1876 a certain Livingston
Honkins perpetrated "a Comic History
of the United States" 1t was his first
otfense, and one is pleased to learn
from AliSOn'S Dictionary OF Authors"
that il was his last. Nevertheless, the
ntfense is not easily to be forgiven. MI.
Hopkins iaea of humor was OF Grim
inally conventional sort. He played
weird tricks with the ghosts OF departed
observation-disclosures that had long ago
been cast out Of literature, and mad per-
ished IN the cutters.
Imagine a writer who deems it comic
to say that CHRISTOPHER Columbus was
born at Genoa, i'll Italy, country chief
Nv famous for its talented organ grind
ers. The youthful Christopher soon
made the melancholy discovery that he
had no talent in that direction. His
tastes rather took a scientific turn. This
was a sad blow to his good parents,
who did hope their son would take
turn at the hurdygurdy in
stead. His aged father pointed
out that science was low and I'M
profitable, geology was humDug, me
leOrology and madness were Synony-
nous terms, and astronomy ought 10 be
spelled with two SIS" And SO me Iun
runs madly on until we reach the time
when Columbus "petitioned the Italian
- ~
him prove his theory" with the result
that the Italian congress magnanimouSly
offered to set him up in business with
first class hand organ and an educated
monkey cashier on condition OF his leaV-
ing the country once for all; but Column
bus. expressing his regret for his lack
of musical ability, declined this gener-
GUS offer, and turned with a sigh to
other governments for assistance.
Finally, after fifteen years OF effort. he
succeeded in convincing Queen lisa
bella of Spain that there was an undls-
covered country beyond the seas,
overlooking with milk and honey,
which it would be worth while to work
up. He proved his theory with the
aid of an egg (Which he Tade stano
on end), an cid Boston city directory
and ground plan of Philadelphia (see
school books, and demonstrated 10 the
good lady's entire satisfaction that she
mieht realize largely by fitting out an
expedition and LETTING him at It's head
60 and discover it."
But enough of this. A very little may
have a certain scientific interest, as a
sample of the sort of thing some men
can write and a few others can laugh
at. But q large dose would nauSeate.
A hook of much higher order is the
comic biography Of Columbus. which
w. l.. Alden contributed to a series
entitled Lives of American Worthless"
planned by Henry Holt the publisher,
in 1881. The series WAS to deal in a
light and humorous way with many OF
the most famous Of our compatriots
Thus Charles Dudley Warner led off
with life of John Smith and Robert D.
Burdette followed Mr.. Alden'S Column
bus with life of William Penn. John
HabbertOn was announced TO do Wash
ington and George t. Lanigan to do
Andrew Jackson. But the series came
to all abrupt end with Burdette's book.
Perhaps it is just as we'll.
GEis Frequent Births.
Mr.. Alden's Columbus is as good
as any in the trio. Yet it was not an
enormous success. 1t was found sunny
Ill SDplS, DuI do IL MIlulC ~ Woo llICoOiuC
and its humor somewhat conventional.
1t consisted in great part of wllflu an
achronisms and of mere verbal triflng.
1t opens rather unpromisingly in this
manner: christopher Columbus was
born at more places and to greater eX-
tent than any other eminent
man known to history" We re-
member Mark ~Twaln's Benjamin
Franklin was born twins. He was
born simultaneously in two houses in
Boston''-and on the whole we do not
care for Mr.. Alden's Encouragement of
an old gag that was old even before
Mark Twain. The father of Column
bus" the biographer says, WAS Do
menicO Colombo, Wool-comber by oc-
cupation, whose wool he combed. and
why he combed it. and whether wool
conbing is preferable to wool-gathering
as an intellectual pursuit. are questions
10 havn Ooyar hnpn caticf anfprilu nc