The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-04-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

w
for that turkey, RastusP" Uncle Ras-
tus-"De hull seat oh my trousers, sah."
Epoch.
"What do you think of your new
governess, Tommy" 90, she's all right
for beginner, but she'll soon learn"
Boston Post.
First Small Boy-"What does your
ma do wen you lie to her?" Second
Small Boy-"She tells pop take after
him. Good NetUS.
Shade of Lowell -"Howells is one of
our literary autocrats;" Shade OF
Dickens With the accent on
the rats. '"-Puck.
Visitor-"What community of inter
ests is there among the ladies of your
village?" Hostess interests of
the entire community. ."-Art IN Adoer-
tisi9ag.
Armless wonder: "Will yer come out
ridin' next Sunday wild meP" Cir
cassian beauty (scornfully): "Naw;
wot's de good-even if yer can drive
wild yer feet. ."-.Ptck.
Druggist-You might have charged
that young man 50 for filling that pre-
scription. Why did you put the price
at 25 centsP" Clerk-"He understands
Latin. Good Nea0s.
Neutrality-suspicious. why do YOU
refuse me when you know a single kiss
from those sweet lips would intoxicate
me with deEght?" Beatrix-"B Because,
George, this is prohibition town.
Life.
A damsel of II, who disliked boys,
wrote an essay upon them, in which
she said: "If had my way half the
boys in the world would be girls and
the other half would be dolls. IN Y
San.
Mrs. Lovey--"I wonder why they call
this one minute pudding; Pm sure it
took me over an hour to make it," Mr..
Lovely-"But it only took me one min
ute to find out that it wasn't any good. :"
-PucE.
Beggar (to Howell Gibbon, who has
just donated dime) :"Thank you, sir.
Here are few of my business cards;
you might distribute them among your
friends. You will find me here every
day from 9 till 6."--Puck.
Humorous contributor-"Do you
pay well for your fun?" Editor with
a towel about his head )-"Wen, !
was out with the boys last night, and
I'm paying pretty well for my fun to-
day. Yola6eTs Statesman.
A police officer met an organ-grinder
on the street and said: "Have you a
license to play? If not, you must ac-
company me-" with pleasure" an
swered the street musician. "What
will you g?"-Lea0iston Journal.
"Do you think that Bertie's cigar
cites are killing him?" asked this young
mans mother. Il don't know about
that" replied his father. "but l doubt
very much whether his friends and re-
lations will survive. y Washiaagto pStar.
He-"You can always tell when a
woman has told all she knows about a
piece of neighborhood gossip" She
'HowP" He-"She concludes with, i
should be glad to tell you all about it,
but my lips are sealed. "-N. Y.
Herald
Fogg-"I saw Henderson to-day, and
do you know, he acted strangely. /
really believe he is out of his mind. "
Brown-"I saw him to-day, too, and he
talked quite nationally" Fogg-"Then
/ wasn't mistaken, it seems. "-B0St0n
transcript.
Author Cof new play IN tar western
theater)-"Hark! What's that queer
noise?" Western manager Comes
from the audience" "Eh? Is that their
style of applauding?" mo, it's the
clucking of revolvers. / think they
are getting ready to call for the
author" IN. 7. Weekly.
Mrs. Bilson-"Mrs. Struckit affects
the antique in her house decoration. "
Mrs. Dagget-"Yes, she told me the
other day she was heart-broken be-
cause she couldn't get the shades Of
her ancestors for the parlor win.
dows. ."-Art IN Advertisiaag.
She (sobbing)-"Poor little F-F-
Fido is d-d-dead." He Calmly
swell, my dear, that dog never did
like me. 1 can't say that [ am alto
gether sorry" She-"N-no, neither
am I. I've got you left, and, besides
black is awfully becoming to me. IN
Y. Herald.
Mr.. De Style-"How does it happen
that our daughters are going around
without chaperon?" Mrs. De Style
Give dropped the silly custom. Il
doesn't work well on this side of the
water" "Why not?" "The young
men seem rather afraid of chaperons.
N. Y. Weekly.
Col. Blood (of Kentucky): "Do you
know, colonel, 1 actually saw snakes
last night" Col. Gore (of the same
state): "What kind of snakes were
they, colonelP" "They seemed like
water-snakes, colonel" Colonel, Tn
afraid you've been diluting YOU
whisky. Puck.
Fanning-"Is johnson a practical
level-headed man of businessP" Chan
ning-"Yes; and he has very great
scheme afoot right now." Tanning
"What's thatP" Charming -"Hei
organizing a company to insure fire
proof buildings against spontaneous
combustion. ."-Judge.
Chum-"That rich uncle of yours
hangs on pretty well, doesn't hep
Spendall-"Indeed he does, and here
am head over heels in debt" "Wha
doctor does he haveP" "None. HI
won't have doctor" "My gracious
you must get him out of that notion OF
he'll never die. Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Simpson, "'Rastus, do you eve
read the bible?" 'Rastus- -"Yes, sab
I done read it cler froo to fin out wed
der it tol' of cullud gem'men." Mr.
Simpson: Indeed. Well, did you fin,
an instance?" 'Rastus-"Yes, sab.
done diskiver Were it tell oh Ebol
Ezer. kate Fields Washington.
Young Mani have been-er-ver,
attentive to your daughter for som
time and she-er-has listened favor
ably to my suit. If you will give you
consent will do my best to make he
happy" Mr.. Olddad-"O, that's cas-
enough, my dear young friend, easy
enough. just give her blank check
book to fill out as she pleases. ."-A
Y. W0rld.
Guardian-"How does my niece ge
on with her music-is she making an
progress?" Musicus-"I regret to sa
that she is not. Her time and finger
ing are very defective, and all can d
to correct them makes no impression
on her. She will run the scales to sui
herself" Guardian-"She inherite'
that from her father. He was twent
years in the coal business. ."-Bostol
Courier.
Young man lodger-"Win you MARI