The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-06-28
r,s;sts on Being "Hitched" to Col
Harrison and Col. Cleveland-~
Betsy About to Melt
With Heat.

Harrison anu ~"
Betsy About to Melt
With Heat.
p-"Hello! Mr.. Editor"
P-.Howdy do, Maj Bilkins. How
are cropsI"
.binnin' out my politics and 1 think
.bor will turn out splendid"
P-"You don't seem to be raising
onvthign but poll les"
B-"Of course 1 am workin' a crop,
Int # won't amount to much without
fnarcial reform. Betsay says she
can't hardly sell a dozen eggs now.
Sav, want you to hitch my phone to
Coi Harrison. l wanter e if he is
with the people,"
R-"HeIlo! Kurnel Harrison"
Col. H.-"Who are you?"
R-"Mv name is BiIkins. I've bin
q dimycrat but 1 want relief, an I
vanter know if you are built that
way"
Col H.-'Of course I am for the
farmers; they are the great mudsill "
B.-"Hold up there, Mr.. President,
that is an old chestnut"
Col. Has l was saying l am for
the farmers, but they must help them
selves; they shouldn't expect Congress
to aid them in any way. What you
farmers need is to work more. If you
would work from sunrise Monday
morning until dark Saturday night
this would be a prosperous and happy
nstion. Then you need more tariff
legislation to build up home markets
for your prolucts."
B.-"Say, Kurnel, you claim that
we ought to work harder, l want to
ask you if there amt more farm prod
ucts now than can be sold for as much
as it cost to raise them? Is there any
need of our maxim IRE Overproduc-
ton? Hasn't the labor of this country
built it up twice as fast as any other
nation ever grew? Didn't we get twice
and more than twice as much for farm
products when there wasn't half as
many factories, towns and cities
rhome markets) as we now have?'
Col. H.-"Oh, I don't know any
thing about all those questions. You
20 and soak your head, I'm busy"
B.-"There, now, Mr.. Editor, Betsy
is right. Them big fellers don't know
nothin' an they don't care nothin' fer
the farmers. Hitch me to Grover
Cleveland, at Buzzard Roost, or wher-
ever it is that he holds forth"
R.-"Au right, fire away"
B" Hello! Kurnel Cleveland"
Col. C.-"Who is that?7
B.-"My name is Major Bilkins."
Col. Good morning, Major.
You are an old soldier, I presume. I
always loved the old soldiers. When
was President I signed more pension
bills than you could count in twelve
months. I"
B.-"HoIdup Kurnul. Idon't want
any Of that dry rot. 1 want to know
how you feel about relief to the farm
ers.n
Col. C.-"Tmi in favor of the farmers
having their rights. The Ubiquitous
tariff ought to be remedied."
B. -"Accordin' to the platform
which l hear you had made tosuit you,
you are in favor of a tariff for revenue
only"
Col. C.-"That is the way to do it.
B.-"Now, see here, Kurnel. The
tariff as it now stands is not sufficient
to bring in revenue enough to pay all
the government owes as fast as the
debts come due. know that is owing
to corrupt legislation, but it don't seem
to me that there is any hope of tariff
reform until the whole establishment
at Washington is cleaned out"
Col C.-"The pension claims are
making the revenue short"
B.-"I know it, an didn't you Just
tell me that yOd signed more pension
bulls than any other living Or dead
President? Didn't you do that hoping
to get the old soldiers to vote fer you
in 1882"
Col. Geo to Texas, you freaky
old hayseed; l wouldn't talk with you
another minute for a thousand dollars"
B.-"Hear that, Mr.. Editor, Kurnel
Cleveland got his bristles up when
hit him with his own work. l wish
Betsy could get hold of him about ten
minutes. She wouldn't leave half a
dozen hairs in his head. l bet YOU five
dollars I don't vote for Harrison nor
Cleveland either"
R.-"How are you and Mrs. Bilkins
standing the hot weather."
B." I'm ~gettin'along fine, but Betsy
is meltin' like sugar. She is purity nigh
as sweet as sugar when she amt mad
an rantankerous. But she is a bloomin'
success as a quarreleF. Goodbye.