New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1892-02-14
THE W4ITERS WAX

We are accustomed to look upon a first-ciaS'
waiter as the mildcst of human kind. oei-
ligercnt waiter seems absurd. The idea OF
waiter ever becoming a great soldier ana lharon
ing at the head Of his troops and whlsRlhg hi'
napkin at the enemy if ridiculous. 1t Is aiino''
Imaginable to think of the waiter standing up "'
the lannon's mouth and asking it If 1T VIII ha'e
it's steak rare medium. No; the rightN ols"'
izrd waiter rcver longs TO put on MS drteo '
and 20 out and wade about the bloody oa','
fold with little dynamite cartridges for 'he
on.,nv +, bite ON concealed in his plumpuddlng'
Rut Notwithstanding that the waiter IS man
- ncacc who never did d harsher thing than 10
wbislx an imaginary fly from the table OF te
timing customer, oil spill the hot soup Ill '"'
lap of the non-tipping guest. he can. on occasion,
rise and demand his rights; and this Is one Vi
the occasions.
There is in this city a downtown organizauo"
called the Insurance Club. There are employer III
this club some eleven walters, as goou nioi
a. over roasted n turcen on "A sherry glass ana
carried it away in triumph III happehS ''i'o i'o''
If them rioice in facial hirsGte adornment-
yhislcrs Of some kind we mean. Ie" u's'
oco the clubhouse committee issued an order th''
tbo.o embellishments must be removed at once, on
main of instant dismissal. The most the auStere
Committee would allow WAS these little UItlma
buloikc GASES in front of the ears, ana the stern
house committee twrled It's fierce mustachlos anu
stroked its long beard and said it didn't particu-
larly care for these even
When this order was posted In the ciu"-"o"
Paul Revere ceased to whisk the lllusl'c l'"''
arv Hy. mounted an elevated tram ana ro"c q" -
with the news TO the headquarters oil llle no''l
and Restaurant Waters Alliance NO D. Here Snor'
and sharp resolutions were passed dchouAcins '"e
,ction Of the House Committee and ealing upon
all walters TO support their brethren oil the lnS"i-
ancc Climb in their battle for their rights !" -
rumorcd that other clubs ana certain ho'c'o '''
about 10 follow thc example OF the INSURANCE Peo
ME But the Alliance announces that IL VIII "s"'
them all War; cries the Alliance. war To inc very
noint of bringing Goldfish when You order p''e
dc ioic gras. .,
rh, question which naturally arises in connec-
tion with this movement is, should walters nave
s,noothly shaver faces? Let lis see if this inquiry
c,,ro. 10 opproachcd scientifically. A a basis
for reasoning. let us take the coachman inc
coocbn,n is always smooth-faced and everybody,
va nrcsumc agrees that he must so remain. bul
hcforc we attempt what we may call me dcady
scientific ANALOGY Oh the cOachman AMI waiter We
must discover why the coachinan wears no WIS
l,crs II has been asserted by writer's 81 no very
orc,t standing in the scientific world tha' IL l.
because Of his exposed position on the hoN "here
atmospheric agitation Tor wind is TOO common :
but such reasoning is chldish-bcsideS, it cncour-
AGES meaningless slang. The true reason
why the coachman IL smooth-faced Is that he
may look more solemn. Anything that heighens
the sadness Of the coachman's features Is To Dc
cultivated The coachman may not smile lai we
remarked in former paper on rho SUBJECT eN-
ccpt Mt a funeral. when he Il allowed 10 gather
IN little groups while waiting for tic mournrrs
and tell funny stories. Bat though the appear.
nncc OF settled gloom is essential in the Gaze Of
coachmcn. is il necessary or even dc,rable IN
that of walters? We should say not. Tie walker
comes TO us in our hours of relaxation lie should
come wearing Il serene, even happy, expression,
which bespeaks success in the kitchen with the
DAYS soup and better than usual selection Of
chops and steaks stern and rOck-b0und "N-
preston on the face OF the waiter might do much
To intimdatc the hy; but whsking tie iiy Is
not. after all the first duty of the waiter The
waiter with the reasonable mustachc, the mus
tachc over which he has not lost control, should
be encouraged rather than driven OUT.