New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-05-18

~ series OF Jokes! I
laugh every time think of them.
There is not one human being
dare trust; they would either be SO
amused Or SO shocked they would dis
close everything, and then-that is a
catastrophe I do not care to antici-
pate ... .....
will tell the world-not one, but
alt-then who need whisper what all
know? thus relieve my mind, let all
who care to read share my laughter
and keep my secret, too; for even my
husband may read and smile and
never dream, dear innocent soul! that
he is the hero OF my truthful tale. /
will so alter and reconstruct his out
ward appearance and picture so
'truthfully his personality that he
will not only fail to recognize his por-
trait, but swear it was not meant for
him.
Fred is a good-looking, stylish fell
low, on the right side OF thirty.
"FThat might be me" exclaim all the
young husbands reading this, en-
phatically, if not dramatically.
But he is the most obstinate, con-
ceited, selfish man you can imagine.
'FOh! that must be some other fel-
low," they all exclaim.
On the other hand, am very charm
ing, pretty, stylish and amiable 1
ara not twenty-five, and know more
than poor dear Fred ever began to.
As L am the only person who would
recognize this portrait-except pos
sihly my. mother consider my
character sufficiently disguised to tell
my story safely.
Fred and had been married four
years, and welded life had begun to
loose some of it's charms. l had no
family or housekeeping affairs to oc-
~cupy me. We lived in g. small town
noted for it's social life, but Fred,
from being q society youth, leader OF
the german had forsworn such
'vanities. Things were "slow.' When
Fred came home at night from smok-
ing and gossiping down town-he
called it business-We would have to
get up a. quarrel just to amuse our
selves.
Finally Fred got in the habit Of
telegraphing home and staying down
to dine with "the hoys," while / took
my meal in solitary state, or, if he
dined with me in the evening, he
would drop in later at the club for a
game OF whist As last straw he be-
came interested in the militia, and
had decided to join the National
Guard.
Now there was very silly thing
which would not let Fred know for
anything. Despite his seliishness and
his looking upon me as an soft-told
tale was still very fond OF him.
Even the quarrels, as long as he was
'1lear me, were bette than absence
and Indifference. l was truly unhap-
py, but felt quite helpless as had lit
tie faith in protestations and re-
smonstrances. knew from my own
experience that what Fred needed
was novelty and excitement.
''I do wish something would happenl
If the house would catch fire, or ]
could have a fever-not bad one,'' !
exclaimed aloud one night as / sat
alone in the house. Our solitary
maid was out with her soldier boy"
and Fred had dropped in at a
neighbours for @ game OF cards.
There was a rustling sound at one
-of the windows.
"Burglars!" | whispered, joyQusly;
but alas! it was only a stray breeze
playing tag with some loose leaves.
should not be disappointed would
have burglars. | determined to ex-
5periment Private theatricals were
4 tniyijoy, and Fred had just vetoed my
I taking part in some. He did not ap
lprove OF them since our marriage
though he had been very enthusiastic
about them formerly.
We'll, young man" Isoliloquized
81 will get up some private theatricals
myself, and, as there are no love
scenes, perhaps you won object. /
you are good you can have a compli
snentarv ticket. =
i went down to the kitchen. anG
with a knife handle broke pain O
glass, makingsa place large enough FOL
81 mans arm to 60 through. Then