Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-08-25

LADY, wish TO get birthday
present for my husband" Clerk
"How long marrled?" Lady-@Ten
years" Clerk Bargain counter, to
the right. New York Weekly.
"I'M going to get hair cut this
afternoon" you'd better get sew
eral." Several hair cuts?" mo; sew
eral hairs cut. Puck.
"DEAR FATHER: We are well and
happy. The baby has grown ever so
much, and has great deal more sense
than he used to have. Hoping the
same Of you, l remain your daughter,
Molly Texas Shiftings.
JACK--What are you feeling so blue
about? Toni got into the habit of
kissing Imogen whenever she got
angry at me. Jack-Yes? Tom-And
now her temper is completely ruined.
New York Herald.
THE style of writing that you do
must be very hard work" Herbert
well, it is; but what made you
think OF it?" Gladys why, it
makes me tired to read it."-Chicago
Inter Ocean.
MRS. VAN LEEvER-~Didn't you
once say that it was cheaper to move
than to pay rent?" Van Lever (du-
biously)-"Yes; but i was younger
then. Now I'm convinced that it's
cheapest OF all to burn out and get
your insurance. Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. SMITH Ito Mrs. Parveuu, who
has been telling him about her new
hOuse)-I suppose you will have
dumb-waiters in the house? Mrs. p.
No, 1 shan't. had deaf cook
once, and / vowed then never to have
another crippled Brooklyn
Life. .e
FARMERS boy-There's going to be
a minstrel show in Pinktown next
week. Can - Old Hayseed--Gee
Whitaker! 1t amt been a month
sence you went to the top o. tn hill
to see the eclipse of tn moon. D'yuh
wanter always be on tn go?-Good
News.
WATTs-"I usually manage to swal-
low most Of these newspaper stories,
but when they tell OF an Indian In
New Mexico digging his way out OF
Jail with two toothpicks, l weaken"
Potts. guess you never saw a New
Mexico toothpick." - Indianapolis
Journal.
THREE different walters at a South
ern hotel asked a little, prim, precise
Harvard professional at dinner, in
~ n laa un
soup. A little annoyed, he said to
the last waiter who asked: as it
compulsory" mo, sah," answered
our friend and brother, mo, sab, l
think it am mock-turtle.
HARD AND EASY LIVES
girl-My papa has to get up awful
early, so as to get to the office and
see if his clerks is there attendin' to
business. Little boy-My papa don't
have to. He's one Of the Clerks
Good News.
COUNTRY BOOKSELLER Ito miner
who has previously invested in die
tionary)-"Oh, you must look among
the SIS for scissors, not the rs"
well, how's Oh to know? Wot's t.
good Of dictionary without him
dex?"-Tid Bits.
THE story is told of an eminent
divine and his bright boy that is not
devoid of instructiveness. The father
had way Of saying TO his son when
leaving home: Remember whose boy
you are" The lad one day turned
the tables by calling out to his father:
"Good-by, papa; remember whose
father you are. - New York Ex-
aminer.
LADY Ito ervant)-Matilda, have
you watered The flowers? Matilda
Snowball-Yes, mum. done watered
'em more'n two weeks ago.-Texas
Siftings.
MISS MCLEAN Tourist from Boston)
Its strange that the Sphinx keeps
silent in the face of the remarks of
these vulgar people," Mr.. Bacon
ditto, from Chicago)-"It wouldn't,
1 reckon, il it didn't have lots o.
sand. Smith, Gray s. Co. s Monthly.
Il TELL you," he said disconsolate-
ly, women are altogether too BUSH
ueSS-llkt nOWdudyS. udOS Ouo
natter" Il proposed to the heiress
yesterday" did she accept your"
mo; she took out her notebook, wrote
my name and address in it and said
she would consider my application. -
Washington Star.
Mr. VAN AsToR (settling his hotel
bill at Barboransett Pier)-"I say,
landlord, don't object generally to
bills, but some OF these items are out
rageous. What's that 50 for on the
10th?" The Landlord with dignity
-"You forget, sir, that on that day
we had your valise moved at your re-
quest from one side Of your room to
the other. Chicago News Record.
WHATS all this dust on those
wheels that were left in the carriage
house last night?" the Bridgeport
man asked OF his hired girl, who held
the lamp for him while he unhar-
messed the horse. "Sure, sir, it's the
insect powder" -Insect thunderl
What's that for?- "And didn't the
man who brought them say as they
were the ould buggy wheels that were
to be kept here awhile? And was
that afeard the bugs would be gittin'
into the house that / thought I'd
o., 20 II a.