News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1892-08-11
The CHAMPION MEAN MAN.
A Swell Man Who Bought Half Ton OF
Coal and Had 1t Put In.

Swell Man who Bought a Half Ton OF
Coal and Had 1t Put In.
He was thoroughly mad man as he
emerged from the basement entrance OF
a stylish three story stone front house
in one of the most fashionable residence
districts in the city.
He was a coal HEAVIER, or rather coal
putter in, and evidently a good, hard
working, industrious man, and his NUT
tering and grumbling as he passed me
after leaving the house reused my curl
osity, so l asked him what was the mat
Ter.
The coal HEAVIER let out few strong
words by way Of beginning and then re-
lated the following tale of distress:
There's agood dale the matter" said
he vehemently. 1.-The matter is that
the man that would skin a flea for the
hide was ginerous compared wild the
turk that I've jusht been workin for.
Phwhat do We think he done? Ordered
half ton of coal an a man to put it
in. Well, was stint from the yard to
do the job, an l KEN up here all the
way AlOh1 - Sl1CCl anu NClluC va
distance of fully 215 miles, mostly up
hilD, ready to do the work. There
wasn't much doin round the yard today
an was glad to get chance to make
even fifteen cents.
"Well, whin the cart arroived at the
dure this ould yank KEN out an SEE
he, Are you the man that's to put in
the coal? 4 am seq l. WELL sez he,
go into the kitchen an fetch out few
pals of wather an sprinkle the coal be-
fore it's dumped out av the cart |
niver heerd av such thing before, but
whit in an carried out four pals O
wather an threw it over the half ton O.
coal in the cart; thin he towld the
dhriver to be very careful in dumpin it
on the walk, and whin it was dumped,
he med me bring out three more pals O
wather to lay any dusht that might hap
pen to be swimmin around in the wather
| threw ON it before, an thin | axed him
had he e'er an empty barrel handy. 4
haven't seq he. Well SEE |, I'll
Imply the ash barrel in the sthreet, and
whin have the coal put in, l kin put
the ashes back in it. oh, no, you
WON'T seq he. Well, l had to go over
to some buildin's an borry a barrel to
put the coal in wild. While was putin
it in the cellar he stood over me, watchin
livery lump as put it in the barrel, for
fear I'd ate some of it, l suppose, but,
thank God, l had me dinner at noon
time, an | wasn't hungry.
"When l had all the half ton O. coal
dumped in the cellar he med me bring
the barrel down an move livery bit O the
coal away over to the other side o the
cellar, an thin had to carry lot more
wather down an sprinkle it all over
again, wild the Guild gizabo stan'in over
me all the tonne. Begorra, twas enough
to discourage the coal from burnin at
all, at all, havin so much cowld wather
flung at it. Well, whin had it all done
to his moind he seq, 'Ye betther carry q
few more pals O. wather out an take a
broom and clane up the muss we med ON
the sidewalk l was gettin mad be this
tonne, bekase it was gettin late an | was
as long putin in the half ton for him as
I'd be putin in three or four ton for any
dacent person, but l carried out the
wather an polished off the walk an the
stones in the gutther, while he gev me
more instructions than We cud shake a
q stick at.
"Thin, whin it was all over, SEE to
him, Well, I'd loike to have me pay for
me work oh seq he, L always pay
at the yard for the putin in at the same
tonne as pay for the coal; yell get the
fifteen cints at the Office whin you go
back Well, whin he said that | got so
Disguised that left him widout sayin
word. Here it is half past 6 ON a Sat
urday night, an med very little today,
an need that fifteen cents, but the yard
is closed an l can't get it till Monday
NORM, bad cess to the old skinfint!''
The tears were almost in the poor fell
lows eyes as he finished and l left him
at the corner, and as thought over his
misfortune the story of the man in Chi
cago who is so mean that he uses wart
on the back of his neck to save the ex-
pense of a collar button faded into in
significance alongside the true story of
Quintescent meanness. -BrOoklyn Eagle.