Iuka reporter. (Iuka, Miss.) 1888-1894, 1892-08-25
OUR BUDGET OF FUN
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND D6-
INCS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and JokeIets that Are Supposed to
Have Been Recently Porn Sayings and
Doings that Arc Oda- Curious and
Laughable.
scissored Smiles.

Sc1ssOred Smiles.
LEAST said soonest mended," said
the doctor to the patient with
fractured jawbone. Washington
Star.
SAWYER proof of the pud-
ding Is In the eating. De Step-No,
it isn't 1t is in the digesting. It'd
Bits.
The nine parts of speech are wholly
inadequate to the needs Of the gen
tleman who shutters. -Binghamton
Leader.
TOMORROW never comes, but the
bill collector who has date with you
then will get around on time.-Somer-
vile Journal.
WHEN a baby is very homely its
mother may see some resemblance be-
tween it and her husbands folks
Atchison Globe.
@OH, / had bang-up time Of It,"
as the man remarked who went up In
balloon which exploded. -Phila-
delphia Record.
WHEN a married man buttons his
suspenders on eightpenny nails it is
sure evidence that he has been disap-
pointed in love.
AN Iowa man got drunk and stole
time-piece recently. The clock is
still running and the man is also do
ing time.-Inter Ocean.
A DRUMMER who eloped with a
Kansas City dining-room girl was ar
rested for stealing the table service.
-Binghamton Republican.
CoNDUCToR-You tickets, please!
Tramp-Me face is me ticket pard-
ner. Conductor-All right; then I'll
have to punch it!-New York Her.
aid.
MRS. ToTLING-I'm going to make
me bath robe. Mrs. Diniling-Are
you? Mrs. Totling-Yes; | have
bought the loveliest piece of watered
silk for the purpose. Detroit Free
Press.
A CHICAGO man recently saved his
life by carrying roll of 800 bills in
side his vest when bullet came that
way. Yet there are people who neg
lect so simple a precaution.
Paul Globe.
WHAT do you think of that2"
asked Twynn, as he and Triplett
watched mamma spanking a child.
"It's the same old story" "What same
old story? "A woman at the bottom
of it."-Judge.
SMYTHE-I dropped a penny in
front of blind beggar to-day to see
If he'd pick it DIP. Tompkins Well,
did he? Smythe-No; he said: Make
it siXpence, mister, and III forget
myself It'd
PoMPoUs JUDaE-I hope you have
much practice? Young Lawyer
Yes, | have, thank you. Il am glad
to hear it. And In what branch is
your practice mainly?" MAINLY In
economy. Texas Siftings.
SOME EXCUSE. = Yabsley Il am
panied to see that the moon is get
ting full again. Mudge-If you had
as much jimcrow poetry fired at you
as the moon has, you would get full
yourself. Indianapolis Journal.
THE wAITER-Beg pardon, sir, but
-ahem! the gents here usually re-
member my services The guest
(scooping up all the change)-Do
they? They ought to be more chart
table and forget!- Chicago News.
Mrs. STINes-Last night you came
home with story of sitting up with
a sick friend. Now, what excuse
have you this time? Mr.. Stings-
Tonight, my love, we (hic) all gath
cred hic) round his beer.-fnter
Ocean.
ENiPLoYER-"You put that note
where it will be sure to attract Mr.
Smiths attention when he comes in,
didn't you?' Office Boy-"Yes, sir.
l stuck a pin through it and put it
on his Office chair. Harvard Lam
pooh.
LOOKING AHEAD. = Isaac epec-
ca, led's ged married ride away
quick" Rebecca-"W What for you in
such hurry, Ikey?" Isaac-"Der
sooner We marries, der sooner comes
dot golden wedding, amt it?"-Kate
Fields Washington.
NERVOUS PASSENGER ION Southern
railroad) conductor, why are we
running at such a frightful rate of
speed?" Conductor reassuringly)-
"There is rotten bridge, madam,
about a mile ahead, and we want to get
over it with as little strain as posi-
BILE. Brooklyn Life.
A FATHER was very much annoyed
by the foolish questions of his little
son. Johnny, you are great source
of annoyance to me-" whats the
matter pap" "You ask so many
foolish questions l wasn't a big
donkey when / was of your age"
mo, pa, but you've crowd heap
since. "-Texas Siftings.
"OH, Tom, the baby is so sweet!
To-day he took off his shoe and threw
it in the fire, and when | told him
he was a bad, bad boy, he only said
NAH "'Nah, Ell? Well, what do
YOU think Pm made of : money?
That's the second pair he lost in a