Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1892-05-21
BY a SILnIl HAND.
KILLED HIMSELF AND CAME BACK
TO WRITE His STORY.

1t was a chilly April evening and Park
row was crowded.
A steady drizzie fell slowly converting
the streets into Shiny pools in which the
pedestrians splashed mournfuIly. Through
the swinging doors of a great newspaper
building surged a restless sea of humanity
Worn out and discouraged ] breasted my
way through it to the editorial rooms
was a new man on the staff and / had
failed to get my story NY heart sank still
lower as | entered my chiefs presence; it
was my third unsuccessful attempt.
couldn't get it, ehs" he remarked after
hearing my report You seem to be hay
ing hard luck l really don't know what
to put you at now
''Just try me once more" begged, re-
membering that | was alone, friendless
and pennilcss in the great city; Just once
more and I'll work it ont if die for it."
Die for IT, A bright thought had struck
me Yes, life wasn't worth living. I'd
make a success for once-iu death If not in
life.
l mentioned my thought to my chief.
and he laughed grimly. You'll do" he
said, evidently thinking that was joking
''Try anything you please
How cold and damp the air was as l
went out into the street again and turned
toward Broadway. How was / to die, l
pondered. Poison was unpleasant, and a
bullet made such IA mess OF ones appear
ance. laughed aloud as I imagined my
lapdlady's horror OF finding her floor
stained with blood Several men turned
to wonder at my odd mrth in the mist and
darkness. Once, in passing a brightly
lighted window, ] caught sight OF my face
in the glass-a face so distorted, so wild,
with bloodshot eyes, that / almost thought
the family faint Of insanity had claimed
me for its victim at last Perhaps it had
perhaps was mad.
An icy chill shot through every nerve at
the horrible thought dashed forward
breathlessly until brought up before my
lonesome lodgings on a side street.
! stumbled through the narrow dark
halls to my room and opened the door and
as l did so the dampness of the chamber
seemed like breath from the grave. 1t
was needless to light a match. for the moon
had drifted from behind the clouds and
shone full and bright through the dingy
window. Its beams trembled on the bare
floor danced on the white bed, then crept
up the wall in silent, waving shadows.
They made me shiver as | sat down TO
think. Tonight | must die Then the re-
action came and | almost enjoyed the
thought of the new experience and gloated
over the fact that / would be the irst to
write Of travels in the great unknown.
My razorl tried its keen edge and found
that 10 could sever a floating hair Then
sat down again and rolled up my thread
bare sleeve. Bleeding, | had heard. was
an easy death. gave the artery a deep.
sharp cut with the blade and stream of
crimson struck my shirt; the arm dropped
and | watched the tiny stream trickling
down my leg. 1t reached the floor and col
lected into tiny pool beneath the table
watched it overflow and start down the
dusty pianks, creeping ont Of the bright
moonlight into the shadows beyond. IL
seemed a snake crawling to its den. Per
haps twas asnake-perhaps dreamed.
A feeling Of deadly weakness came over
me. glanced at the patch of moonlight
IN the cracked mirror and saw white
face, from which shone pair of cleaning
eyes. Then a flash blinded me and my
head fell forward ON the damp sill. could
hear mighty roar, a roar like a giant
Niagara that surged and beat upon my
maddened brain, a roar far above that of
the great city below me- The boom of
cannon, the sharp rattle Of musketry and
the roll Of huge drums seemed gathered
into volume OF sound. Like the waves
Of the raging sea it surged over me. Then
silence came as suddenly-silence oppres-
sive, intense
Too weak to lift my head | turned it
with sigh and looked around the room.
IL seemed filed with misty sheen and
through il hoated strange, dancing shad-
ows. Flashing lights spun before nv half
shut eyes. Then gray mist seemed TO
swallow up everything and could hear
the whir OF the presses as they ate up the
vast piles of paper. | closed my eyes and
listened. Was it a bell ringing? Slowly
came every stroke, and il seemed to beat
like ieadcn hammer on my darkening
brain. was too weak to move my eyeiids
more than hair line, but | could see a
mass OF blazing fire whose flames seemed
20 leap and dance and burn my very flesh.
A chill that frOze every drop OF blood
struck me and for second felt the con.
vulsion of mighty struggle. Then black /
ness.
| was standing on my own boiv-mv
body that had rolled from the chair and
lay stiff and silent in the pool Of blood be
meath the table | looked about without
curiosity without awe, and wondered what
the Importers would say Of that stiff. dead
form lying there in the moonlight-tbe 1
form, with the cleaning razor in the
stiffened hand and the maniac's smile on
the thin, hard face. In another instant |
had left il there, passed through the closed
door and out iuto the street MY motions
were strangely light and free. The great
building was blazing with light and the
reporters rushing 70 and fro as | entered
Many Of them knew; none knew or no
ticed me. The whole building seemed n
shake with the roar OF presses and the
tramp Of men.
In dark corner have found notebook
and pencil and here | sit and write. l can
hear fellow reporter telling the editor
that Edwards has just been found dead.n
the news came through the phone minute
ago. They are talking now about giving
me . funeral aud discussing the Kind az
coffin they viii orier.
Il ". =. n. a