Fort Worth gazette. [volume] (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1891-1898, 1892-11-09
AN OPIUM fIEND.
DIFFERENT STAGES THAT THE
VICTIM PASSES THROUGH.
Hopes Thai Seem TO DO Realized While
The Spell Of The DRUG
Lasts.


when / get up in the morning nv
fnce Is blOated swollen, and my ucnuain.
tances, some of them. say that h Il tba
effect of liquor, but the more obseryant
those better yersed in the ways of the
world, say that it Is morphine, or fhe
fluid extract from the poppy and tbey
are right. Do they blame me? Yes. they
do. L am called fool l am told that
/ am throwing my life away. | am IA
moraliziug my brain power and my nerv
Gus system with 1t. am told that
should let it alone, and to add weight Ia
their argument, l am told of all The nor.
frightful malady.
Those who tell me about It have NOT
had the experience; they go by obsery-
alton. / have had both observation and
experience. Is there any reason why
/ should not know, and why | should
not appreciate the sad results of an i'm.
biber in opiates? All that my well-mean-
ing ADVISERS tel me is true, yet when /
retire from my work. siege varying
from fourteen to eighteen hours out of the
twenty-four, / get to my dinry little
room and find relief only In my little bot
tie OF opium, or in a morphine tablet 1t
is very odd, 1t Is unreasonable some viii
say, that man with brains enough
and perhaps a trifie above the average
capacity, would thus resort 10 deliberate.
hoNHs buL IL is an
old story.
Do / take my medicine with anxiety
and pleasure mingled2 No, 1t is with a
feeling of repulslOn, and as tin my head
back draining the very last dregs from
the glass feeling of detection and re-
morse fills me. | think of what my
dear mother would say If she knew and
l sometimes think, yes believe, that she
Is looking down on me. | can see her
face, full of compassionate sorrow, and
that deep, holy love that only a mother
can entertain for son. i see Mt such
times the mistakes / have made during
my life, and, though there has been
nothing discriminating, / have not been
IN angel. The poison has been taken.
and the spree between that time and
when it takes effect is not one of the
most agreeable. The word remOrse Is
not strong enough. / am too ambitions,
perhaps, and lack the one quality or
feature which pushes n man TO the front.
l do not get along fast enough, and my
salary Is too miserably and insultingly
small.
As 1 think these things over with all
the bitterness there is in them, the opiate
takes effect and distrncts my attention
from what / please to term my mis-
fortune. a kind of nuInbness creeps
over me and seems TO take possession of
my whole system. The sensation is not
pleasant nor disagreeable, for L know
what is coming.
Oblivion creeps over me, and the hell
OF this world,if it can be termed so
lightly, is gone, and l enter a life, an
existence, that have seen In my earlier
worldly experience, and in my own hem
isphere. P?
In my fancy / live the life / won d
live in reality. No, there is no extrava-
Eance no dissipation No my imaginary
life; all is as comfortable and respectable
as the most eIactinr aud proper could
wish. My occupaaou is such that /
have no chance 10 nuul-0 IN social pleas
ure, for at the time for ceptiOns and
social ca Is am the busils. and make
no effort 90 cultivate elevatiug female
low ii up One reason / couldn't follow
it up, and moro my salary Is too small.
| could not Eioyr ia the society ] would.
In my dream lie l have my only joy.
Whcneve- ] tutCy that existence l am,
to use tic ~ I oppression, "Out of sight"
tab cs .udtu with the Injuries of life.
J huve tulked with brilliant men at the
banquet nhle, and though | never take
leading p'rt in any such demOnstra-
tons. I enjoy II and follow 1t in the even
tenor of my way. At other times ] will
be at my home, little place l have
pictured cut in a quiet part of the city
I tNI|NHN|Nr lIt NbLLulAH AlhA AAN ~ Nv
found only in that modest little cottage.
| My home, my mythical home, is not a
] Gorgeous affair." but Il is so happy. It is
.ulUIshed In that quiet r taste that
only a true, loving wife can show.
quite often. while we sit there, the
littIe one that has been born TO us will
err a cry in her sleep, and the ever
tboughtfui mother will 20 and bend over
he cradle. Soothing words, with looks
rom her eyes beaming with maternal
love quiet the little thing. The care
and responsibility that are placed on us
by that little treasure draw us closer
| together, and our love is infinite. Again
l will drift into the channels Of my daily
occupation and l struggle on, as / do IN
| actual life but the results are reversed
and / meet with reward and am happy.
| 1t NAV be that at such time 1 am sim
| Gle, as l really am. and will ind myself
| In the society of my ideal of womanhood,
| who in my real life have never met.
All of these most happy events and
situations does the oplate bring on, IN IN
pressing themselves most wildly on the
mind.
| When consciousness returns l awake
| with n heayy. dull sensation in my Draini
and l am unable to determine whether
| what has impressed itself Is true OF
not. / stretch and rub my swollen eyes
and the truth of the situation Is upon l ny
The blood courses hot through my BODY
feeling as though hot irons were applied
to the pulse Thoughts. can not be col.
lected. the memory is impaired and the
daily grind is before me. Mental and
physical exhaustion follow, and then tne
worst-pay day. is there any relief 70
be aecnred ?" i debate the question witt
myself. 'Yes, there is" Then NO,
then yes" and my hand reaches again
for the fruit of the poppy.
e---------
! TIE KIND OF GIRL TO MARRY