Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-10-24
JUST FOR FUN.

I An argument results from the col
lision of two trains Of thought.
The pickpocket is not exactly a
bore, but he often takes your time.
A man may run into debt, but he
seldom comes out at anything fast
er than a walk.
Tables Turned A very effeminate
Atkinson man is embroidering his
girl pair of suspenders.
Old Soak-Had an awful dream last
night What was it? Dreamed I'd
been to Dwight and got cured.
That young Antonio Fitzgushley
just dotes on me, papa. Does he? Well,
for goodness sake, give him an anti
dote.
Mrs Crimsonbeak-I hope / make
myself plain, sir? Mr.. Crimsonbeak
Nature saved you that trouble,
ma'am.
They tell me, professor, that you
have mastered all the modern tongues.
Professor-All but two-my wife's and
her mothers.
Lady-A gentleman called, you say?
Did he leave any name? Parlor Maid
-Yes'm; I asked him his name, and
he said it was 'Immeterial.'
Shocks (reading about the French)
What a remarkable man Henri
Rochfort isl Snikes-Yes; and think
of the delicious cheese he makes!
"What is a lake?"asked theiteacher.
A bright little Irish boy raised his
hand. ''Well, Mickey, what is it?"
"Sure, it is a bole in the kittle, num-"
Rowley There is one satisfaction
that Adam had as a gardener. Sur
face What was that? Rowley-He
didn't have neighbors who raised
hens.
Never be at your place of business
when a person wants to borrow mon
ely of you, because if you are in, you
will be out, but, if you are out, you
will be in.
CATARRH IN THE HEADS undoubtedly a
disease of blood, and as such only reliable
blood purifier can effect a perfect cure.
Hoods Sarsaparilla is. the best blood purifier,
and it has cured many very severe cases of
catarrh. 1t gives an appetite and builds up
the whole system.
Hoods Pills act especially upon the liver
rousing it from torPidity to it's natural duties,
cure constipation and assist digestion
Hostess What has become of San
dy Smith, who stood so high in your
class? Alumnus- Oh, he's taken or
ders. He's in the ministry, then?
No; in a restaurant.
A Candid Opinion-"Well, my dear
child, how did you like Herr Won Sauer
Kroutman?" ooh, mamma, he is very
nice, and SO clever! l did not under
stand a word he said.''
A Favorite- Father-Why haven't
you been promoted to a higher grade
long before this? Tommy guess it's
because the teacher I've had SO long
doesn't want to lose me.
Mrs. Pentweazel - Dyspepsia has
made you so cranky that it is almost
impossible to live with you. Pentwea-
zel-Wen, wasn't it from things you
cooked that got the dyspepsia?
A Gentle Egotist - The Brilliant
Jones (who likes an appreciative au-
dience) TO his hostess-Oh, therel It's
no use! / give it up! Conversations
impossible when people will talk"
Dear Father-We are well and hap
Ply. The baby has grown ever so
much and has a great deal more
sense than he used to have. Hoping
the same of you'll remain your daugh-
ter, Molly.
1 am troubled with cold feet, said
Brown. always sleep in my stock
ings in the winter. CHANGING at
Browns number thirteens, Gray re-
marked, / should think you might
easily.
A matter of choice;-whether to suffer, un-
interru ptedly with a cough or buy bottle of
DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup and cure it.
Warden We assign men here to
work with which they are familiar.
If you have any special line, you'd
better say SO, and we'll start you at
once. Convict-Thanks. can't be-
gin too soon; am an eronaut.
222s ,672.-These figures represent the num-