The Bottineau pioneer. (Bottineau, N.D.) 1885-1895, 1892-02-06

= SOU above pork and Deans ana vo-
cabulary above the ordinary, and she
carried them both into g. Woodward
avenue restaurant with her, says the
Detroit Free Press.
waiter. she added, after giving
her order, "bring me also a few tuber-
culous fungi" :
"a few tuberculous fungi" she re-
peated, with a supercillious elevation
of her eyebrows.
"What's them, num-" inquired the
waiter, helplessly.
This time she looked positively So.
we're, yet withal pitying.
"They are a species of morbid ex-
travasatlon Of vegetable sugars anal
ogous to oak-balls or nut-galls,
doubtless originating as these latter
from the sting of some of the insec-
tiyorous family" she explained, lu'
cidly.
Thu, waiter was paralyzed.
"What's the matter with your" in
terposed his partner at thenext table,
coming to the rescue. "The young
lady wants ytruf1es. You had ought
to been raised in Boston, like I was"
The customer was served properly.
Quite a Surprise.
Mr. and Mrs. Peterby have boon
married several years. They live very
peacefully, az Is usual with married
folks, but occasionally have q falling
out. A few days ago she put on her
things and said she was going to her
mother. When Mr.. Peterby asked
the reason she said:
"That was not g nice way to treat
me. To-day was ray birthday, and
you did not surprise me with q pres
emit. Every year since we have known
each other you have given me a pres
emit on my birthday, and; I counted on
you doing it this time"
"But, my dear, where would there
have been any surprise if l had made
you a present? I didn't give you any
thing on purpose, so that you might
enjoy a surprise. knew you wanted
to be surprised. SO I determined to
surprise you even at the risk of your
getting angry"
Dead on the Field Of Battle.
During a sham fight Napoleon came
unawares upon a soldier who was ly-
ing fast asleep in a field among the
corn.
els this your post?" exclaimed the
Emperor, rousing him with full inten-
tion OF making an example of him.
The soldier, thus suddenly startled
out of his slumber, rubbed his eyes,
and, on recognizing the Emperor,
sprang to his feet. presented arms and
said
~ beg your Majesty's pardon, but
we were going through a. sham fight,
and, in order to make the illusion
more complete, I was pretending to be
dead"
Napoleon could not suppress a smile
and forgave the witty linesman.-n
Carlino.
Equal to the Occasion.
At a banquet held at the Saxon
Palace of Hubertsburg, to celebrate
the conclusion of the seven years. war
in 1763, tho Austrian Ambassador
rose to propose a toast to the EN-
press Maria Theresa, and, in doingso,
compared her to the sun. He was fol-
lowed by the Russian Ambassador,
who contented himself with comparing
his mistress, Catherine H., to the
moon. Whereupon Count Hertzberg,
the Prussian Ambassador, rose and
said
"And I compare my King and mas
ter, the great victorious Frederick, to
Joshua, who said to the sun: Stand
still!' and made no account of the
moon and the stars!"
Imagine the long faces OF the other
two.-Der Bar.
HE Fears.
"While I was in England" says one
woman, I was told of an American,
who, on his first trip on an English
railway, quite held his breath at the
rapid running. When his nervousness
rather overcame him he approached
the guard.
"'I say, guard he ventured, this
is pretty fast travelling for safety isn't
it?'
"t'Oh, no, SIR replied the guard;
we never run off the line here, sir
"'But said the Yankee, quickly,
resentinp the DatrOnaoe. sit ia not the
line; Pm afraid of running off your
confounded little island.'"
tie was relpe TWICE.
Mrs. Black-Will you have a piece
of mince pie, John?
Mr.. Black-No, I think not.
II put some brandy in the mince-
meat, 1t helps to-
"Oh, did you. I'll try q piece
please."-Yankee Blade.