St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1892-05-28
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
4 Smart Boy-PrOOf Positive Held
His Head High-A Burglar in Luck
Knocked Out-Etc., Etc.
SMART BOY.
Little Dick-There goes Johnny
Smart on a safety. He's tho smartest
boy i'll town.
Father-IIow so?
Gle got himself rich father
''lIumph! don't understand
"Why. his real father died, an then
an orful rich man got 'quainted with his
mother, but he didn't like Johnny; 50
Johnny he pretended he was sick an
goin' to die; and then, after the rich man
married his mother, he got well. -
Good News.
PROOF POSITIVE.
Jack-So you are engaged to Maud
now?
Tom-Iiow do you know:
Jack-lou were the only man she
didn't tiirt with last night New York
Herald.
HELD HIS HEAD HIGH.
Friend-I know you are a proud and
happy father, and I've no doubt that
baby is q regular cherub, and all that;
but | don't see why you need hold your
head quite so high.
Young Father-Th That's to keep from
dropping asleep. - New FORK w eekly.
BURGLAR IN LUCK.
Smith was aroused from sound sleep
one night by noise. Thinking that
burglars were in the house, he arose, put
on his trousers and went down stairs,
holding his collar in one hand, the other
empty. Finding no one below he re-
turned to his room, and his wife immedi-
ately asked:
Crank, why did you take your collar
instead of your revolver:
"Why- rather sheepishly) err
Frightening )-to collar him, of course.
Mrs. Smith fell asleep, thinkingit was
lucky thing the burglar escaped
detroit Free Press
KNOCKED OUT.
~ heard you talking about fools awhile
ago, Miss Fannie" said a silly dude to
sharp girl at a dance, land -"
"And," she interrupted with snap,
"eavesdrvppers never hear any good OF
themselves. -. Detroit Free Press.
A CHEAP COAT.
Dinglev-That's a beautiful overcoat
YOU have on. How much did it cost
you:
Caraway-Twenty-fve cents.
Dingley-Why, how was that?
Carawav-Oh, the COMPOUNDED tailor
sent it home by express and had to pay
the freight. = Brooklyn Life.
A CHARACTER STUDY.
"Did YOU ever study the faces in a
BARRIERS shop Of the men waiting to be
shaved"
eyes"
"Did you ever try to distinguish the
pessimistic from the optimistic"
eyes; and there is very little diff
Guilty in assigning them to their respect
i've classes
"Indeed!'
ayes; the pessmist is the last man
that comes in and who has to wait until
six other men are shaved before his
turn comes, and the optimist is the man
distinguished by the appe!lation Of
next. ~ New York Press.
PLEASING DOLLIE.
Little Girl-Oh, mamma, my dollie fell
down and broke her nose.
Mamma-How did she fall?
"She fell all by herself"
"How could she?"
"She was standin' up"
"Then you must have stood her up"
"Yes'm"
"And then you went off and left herr"
"Well childrens don't want their |
mammas around oil the me- Good |
News.
ONE OF HER PETS.
She-I always have great many pets
about me,
He (tenderly)-Am one of them?
She-Yes. You are my pet aversion.
1T IS STRANGE.
ggs-There is one thing about a
foreigner don't understand.
Figgs-What?
Drggs-He brags about his country
all the time he is here, and about our
oil the time after he gets home.
APPROPRIATE.
Cumso-What are you going to do
with that mouse, Johnny:
Johnny Cumso-Use it for bait.
Cumso (astonished For bait?
Johnny-Yes; I'm going to try to
catch some catfish Jester.
GOOD DEFINITION.
ats but step from the sublime to
the ridiculous.
GLOW sou
"Here's man offers $1,000 for bird
dog. That sublime. Here's the owner,
who won't take it. That's ridiculous. =
brooklyn Lite.
NO SLEEP.
"There is poor Robinsoa-hasn't
place to Sleep
"What, Robinson"
"Yep."
Gle has q home"
"Yes-and twins two weeks old
THE HEIGHT OF BLISS.
Hoiack-Did Tom look happy when he
stood up to get married:
Tomdk-Yes; he couldn't have cked