Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1892-12-08
TOM CORwIN,S LETTER.
On Receipt Of the Election News From
Tennessee.

On Receipt Of the Election News From
Tennessee.
The illustrious Corwin seldom wrote
letters. He always declared he could
not write. Letters poured in on him in
every mail but he did not answer many
OF them. He said they would answer
themselvesif he gave them time to do
it. Politicians and statesmen who de-
sired his advice learned that they must
go to him or they would not get 1t.
Occasionally however when the stim-
ulus was strong enough he did write
and he wrote we'll. One of his letters
was reply to an invitation from his
friend, the Hon. Thomas. B. Stevenson
to meet him at Demon Springs, which
was then a popular pleasure resort,
Cincinnati, or 20 to the devil. The
invitation reached him in the same
mail that brought the news of the dis
aster to the Wings in the Tennessee and
Kentucky elections in the year 1S49.
The reply is regarded as the most
characteristic specimen of his style as
letter writer that has been preserved.
1t reads:
LEBANON, O., Aug. 0, 1S49.
DEAR Tom: l won't go to Drennon,
wontgo to Cincinnati, won't 20 to
Kentucky-nay, more (dont 7 think me
unkind), / won't go to the devil.
The dominions of the latter potentate
has SO many of my friends. settlers
there-that / have resolved to try an.
other climate and see if it will not inn
prove the breed of our family. Poor
little Cally, who can persuade me to
almost anything in reason, looked elo-
quent on the subject when read your
proposal, but was adamant.
After the news of yesterday, Rhsda-
manthus, had he got glimpse of me,
would have cut his throat from pure
envy. How could l live day at Dren-
non? There are not juleps enough
(if they had five tons of mint to the
acre and full moiety of Noah's deluge
were brewed with it) to drown the cha
grin and blue-devilism which seized
me as joint tenants in fee Of the inner
man, with the jus accrescendi to the
survivor, when looked into my letter
and newspaper mail yesterday.
Tom. my dear fellow, you are fool.
1t is true, and pure love of you impels
me to tell you so. Besides, you don't
stand any chance of finding it out in
Kentucky, for they don't know it there;
SO cam t keep the secret any longer;
You are fool, Tom B. StevensonI l
know it because I am fool myself,
and / know what ails man with that
complaint, having suffered from 1t from
the 10Th day of December, A. D. 1922,
within few months of 81 years. God
help me, l am chronic. l am in the
"rice water stage" Go to Drennon,
Tom, and leave me alone to die easy.
Don't say this is letter, for it is no
such thing. 1t is merely answering
question. Don't misrepresent me on
that point in your obituary notice of
me. Quit lying, Tom. 1t is bad enough
to be an honest truthful humbug, but
lying has not been respectable since
Moses came down from the Mount with
half perch of granite on his back cal
ling it revised code"
If you would make fortune for your
daughters such as would beguile Dukes
to their marriage beds, dig up my car
cass, cut off my head and show my face
for an incarnation of sublime melan-
choly. All the sculptors, from Phidiss
to Powers, could not match it or imi.
tate it.
We had thunder storm last night
that threatened ''clausum fregit" in
my bed chamber. / seized the news
from Tennessee, threw off my night
shirt and stood, stark naked, looking
defiance at the lightning. At each
thunder peal l waved my Tennessee
newspaper. The storm, ashamed Of IT.
self for having come near "a desolate
old man" in extremis, blushed white
and skulked off toward the Western
Reserve, where, l humbly trust, it de-
posted bath or two in the godly ab-
dominal sanctum sanctorum of Joshua
R. Giddings, Esq, charging his execu-
tors mileage for its travel by the usual
route.
shall take dose of hornets nests
and blue whisky this evening after tea.
Inquire of the Widow Corwin, when
you come back, how it worked. You
may wantt to try it yourself some day.
If you write. on your return, direct the
letter to the Elysian Fields, in care Of
any friend of yours, if you have any
there. Don't let Amos Kendall know
of your writing. He would be sure to
telegraph Polk to have it stopped ON
his side of the Styx, and copious ex-
tracts sent back to Burke and Richie.
If you see Crittenden tell him to hang
himself. If Letcher 10 there kill him.
Neither of these men is of any account.
A new constitution, ordaining perpet-
ual slavery and perpetual looofocoism
for old Kentucky. Will it not blast
such men? II they can stand it pray
God that they may be condemned to
live forever in this world. Yours,
Ton CoRwIS.