Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-01-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

1t never does any good to air opinions
that need fumigation.-Elmira Gazette.
Wise medical men do not treat SOM
nambulism as pillow case.-Boston Cour-
Ter.
Banks of clouds are often broken by
heavy drafts of wind.-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
The hotter people feel toward each
other the cooler they act.-Atchison
Glo5e.
1t was the reporter who attended an
execution who went out with the tied
Boston Transcript.
A mans declining years begin at fifty;
a woman's begin from fifteen to eigh-
teen. n.-Atchis0n Globe.
An owl is regarded as an embodiment
of wisdom because he knows how to keep
dark Galoeston Ne'os.
Willie-"Pa, what's rhinestone2"
Father-sA glass instrument used to skin
suckers. ."-Jewelers' Weekly.
1t doesn't seem to require any pre-
monitory training to know how to make
an assignment. Boston Courier.
There are so many teachers of music,
one would think music ought to be quite
wellinformed ow.-Pitts5urg Chronicle.
Not few people seem to think the
keeping of an appointment matter of
no particular moment detroit Free
Press.
Reading maSeth q man full-that is,
it fills his mind with words that he does
not know how to pronounce e.-Indianap-
oils Journal.
How fortunate for us that the Indian,
when he disappeared from New England,
forgot to take his summer with him!--
L0loeU Courier.
Never speak ill of anybody; you can
do Just as much execution with shrug
of the shoulders or significant look
Milwaukee Sentinel.
North Side Mother-"Oscar, why
can't you be good BOY" Wayward
Four-ye -"Mamma, it makes me
so tired. "-Chicago Tribune.
Leary-"Still waiting for your ship to
come. Whole fleet of 'em. All hard
ships. ."-Indianap0lis Journal.
do not love my fellow man,
By no means us l oughter.
But great Jemiina Goose grease Jane
How | do love his daughter
Detroit Free Press.
"Do you think those shoes ar, worth
mending?" ''Vell, yes, if l sole and heel
tenn and put new uppers on ten. The
strings are still goot. ."-Leather Dealer.
"Did you steal my scales9" demanded
the excited grocer. 'By no means, re-
sponded the suspected; ~ merely made
a weigh with them. ."---Bdltinaore Ameri-
can.
Lace (enviouslY)- see you are to be
in general use this season." Jet (com-
placently)-'.Yes, am among the gilt
tering generalities of society. ."-Balti-
more american.
"Why isn't Pauline married." asked
the family friend. ''She's surely old
enough eyes" answered the loving
mother, ''but, you see, I'm too young
just yet myself. ."-Fliegende Blaetter.
"This tipping business is getting be.
yond all proportions" grumbled De Pey-
ster. "Why, cannot even get my hat to
convey my respects to lady on the street
unless tip it. ."-Baltinsore american.
'Aren't you afraid that you are living
too well for your health" asked the
chicken. ~ amt in this for my health"
answered the turkey, between pecks. "I
am out for the stuff, SO to speak" -
Indianapolis Journal.
The jury brought in a verdict of "not
guilty" Judge Duffy said admonishing-
ly to the prisoner: "After this you ought
to keep away from bad company. ''Yes,
your honor, you will not see me here
again in a hurry. ."-Teras Sytinos.
Chambermaid Qately from the coun-
try, now in city situation)-'I want
the Forget Me Not Waltzes." Music
Dealer-"For four hands2" 'tFour
hands, OF course not. Do you think
my mistress is monkey. Fliegends
Bldetter.
Wool-"A friend of mine recently
wrote poem for magazine with one
hand and thumped the piano with the
other, to amuse the baby" Van Pelt--
"What was the poem about?" Wool
'Nothipg; didn't l say it was for
magazinea"-New York San.