Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-11-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Hot wether-A lamb stew.-Puck.
A ward healer-The hospital doctor.
Puck.
The deer never goes faster than when
served as venison.-Puck.
In the race or life, it isn't the fast men
who come out ahead.-Texas Siftings.
The ferry companies seem to believe in
"small sails and large profits. Truth.
Derdita-"Did you kiss hima" Pene-
lope (ambiguously)--"Not much. Life
The lazy laundress, as well as the
fiannel-shirt, sbrinks from washing
Puck.
Marriage isn't so much failure as it
is a sort of compromise on both Sides
Puck.
Some peoples idea of being religious
is to eat cold dinners ON Sunday.-At-
Gibson Globe.
Judge-"What is your names" Tramp
---"AlIow me to exchange cards with
your honor Texas Siftings.
$50 you have new servant girl, said
one housewife to another. "Yes. "How
does she like youl"-Wa Washington Star.
That was a pretty hard story to swal.
low, said the cellar when the upper part
of the house fell into it.-Texas Siftinss.
The local thermometers have had but
little rest lately, as they have been rising
early and staying up late. -Philadelphia
Record.
You no longer "take the wind out of
mans SAIL" If you are au fait you take
it out of his pneumatic tires. Washing
ton Star.
The man who is always yielding to
temptation seldom fluids any difficulty in
finding temptations to be yielded to-
Somerville Journal.
"Always use small words, my son"
said Mr.. Wi,eman. "Then if you have
to swallow them you will be loss likely to
choke"-Black and White.
Jack--'sMany a happy marriage has
been spoiled by money" Tom-"Yes;
it spoiled mine. She refused me because
didn't have enough. PUCK.
"Just see how that stake yields to the
nile driver" 'No wonder, replied the
Western man. "The pile driver has the
drop on it."-Washington Star.
Sweet Patience on Monument"
Sounds very pretty, we'll admit
But unsuccessful doctors see
More oft their patients under it.
Puck.
"I am often quite self-satsfed, " said
Willie Washington. "Ah, replied Miss
Pepperton, "you deserve commentator
for your modest tastes. Washington
Star.
Choosing wife is very much like or
dering meal in Paris restaurant when
YOU don't understand French. You may
not get what you want, but you will get
something.-Colorado Sun.
Fannie-"I wonder why Miss Oldgirl
went into telephone Office to work"
Will-"She probably thought it was her
only chance to get ringand become Gu
gagged. 10 Chicago InterOcean.
She sat on the ste Is at the evening-tide
Enjoying the bai.ny air.
He came aud asked: ''May / sit by your
sde?'
And she gave him a vacant stare.
Cape Code Item.
s.They say the child looks like me-"
said Gargoyle, displaying his first born.
..He does-a good DEAL" replied CLAN
ders. "Still, don't think | would
drown him on that account. ."-Harper's
Bazaar.
"Papa," asked little Ethel, after
season of deep though, "didt you have
any idea that would go right along liv-
ing with you and being your daughter
the first time we were introduced PIN
dianapolis Journal.
Editors Son-"I asked papa when the
millennium was comm, an il Mars was
inhabited, an If it was going to rain next
Fourth of July; an' he said he didn't
know. l don't see how he ever got to
be an editor. GOOD News.
Mrs. Struckile-"Are these the very
best diamond rings you havea" Jeweler
Eyes, madam, they are diamonds of
the very frs. water" Mrs. Struckile-
81 will take them il you arc sure the
water was boiled first. Chicago Inter
Ocean.