Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-07-28
TEA-TABLE-SALAD.

I HARLAN lat Long Branch)-"l say,
Bingley, what blessing It was that
Moses name began with an N instead
Of an N."-Brooklyn Life.
JACK TAR-"We amt SO very fur from
land, jim. There has been a yacht
along here lately" Jim-"How do you
know?" Jack Tar-"See all them
champagne ccrks. GRIP.
WAITER (seeing dissatisfaction on
guests face -"Wasn't that fowl cooked
to suit you, sir?" Guest-"Yes, all but
the bill; just take that back and tell
them to boil it down little. '-Harper's
Weekly.
How it does recall old times to see
your boy come home with another
boys shirt on and his back sunburned
from his hair to his heels It makes
fellow want to be boy and 90 swim
ming again himself.-Bradord Era.
DALLAs-"I hear that you proposed
to Miss Testy last night and got re-
fusal ?" Callous-"Well as to that, she
didn't bluntly refuse me; she wouldn't
wound my feelings by doing that, yet
the inference of her remark was plain
enough-she said if l was the last man
on earth she might consider it."-B0s-
ton Courier.
A YOUNG man, his eye blackened, his
collar and necktie disordered, his coat
torn, his hair tossing wildly and wear
ing no hat. was rushing along one of
the streets OF the Back Bay when he
encountered his best girl. "Oh! Hen
ry!'' she exclaimed in an agony of dis
tress; 81 know it all You have seen
father. "-Bostoo Post.
A LIE OUT SoMEwHERE.-"I haven't
taken a drop of liquor for years." said
a rather tlorid-looking man to a tenn
perate lecturer in Texas. You haven't
EN-" Certainly not; don't you believe
me?" ''The trouble is my friend, l
don't know which of your features to
bel1eve-your lips or your nose, but |
do know there is lie out somewhere"
TEXAS Sifti1ags.
The last throws-the ninth inning
Washington Star.
''Do you enjoy good health, Mr..
Testy ?" asked McQueary. 10y es: when
get any !' snapped the old dyspeptic.
Puck.
"WHY are all these fine residences
closed up and unoccupied?" inquired
the visitor to the city. "a lady who
has just begun to cultivate her voice has
moved into this block" said his friend.
Boston Post.
Miss WABASH (from Chicago)-"W
nonsense these jokes about crabs catch
ing peoples toes are! I've never had
a crab catch my toes when I was in
bathing" Miss Gotham-''Butt there is
limit to crabs grasping power."-
Nelv York Herald.
A WALDO County clam-digger of con-
siderable creative faculty, wanted to
say something real bad of neighbor
and delivered himself of this: "The
critter amt got any brains; the inside
of his head amt even lathed, let alone
being plastered. "-Le,viston Journal.
FIRST SrUDENr-"You haven't got any
idea Of what contemplate opinion
I have of our professor" Second Stu
dent umph! I guess that's the rea-
son you didn't answer any of the ques-
tons he asked you yesterday at the re-
citation. "-Teras SHiftings.
A VERY effeminate Atchison young
man is embroidering his girl a pair of
experimentation Globe.
81 HATE to see my writes trampled
on" said reporter whose copy was
thrown on the floor Washington Star.
Hops.-Pumps-''Do you like the hops
at the Seavlew House," Jumps
"No, I think they serve very in
ferior quality Of beer there. "-Brookly1a
Eagle.
"a HARE in the garden! Hand me a
gun. Jacques" "But, sir, it Is in
the morning; everybody is asleep"
"Never mind. I'll fire on tip-toe.'-
LIE Monde IIustre.
WEARY CLERK-"Have you any foun-
tain-pens that won't blot when they are
nearly empty" Dealer-"Why, sir, l
have fountaln-pens that won't blot when
they are entirely empty."-NeaO York
Weekly.
MAG1sTRArE-"You are charged, sir,
with hitting the prosecuting witness,
McFadden, with brick. Guilty or not
guilty? ?" Mr.. Grogan-"Please y'r an
ner, 'twor a very soft brick: Mr..
annapolis Journal.
"BEG pardon, but may inquire what
is the meaning of this K. c. on your
card ?" Kentucky colonel, sah," re-
piled the caller. "Dear me but
came near misjudging you terribly. |
thought it might mean Kelley cured"
Journal.
Mrs. HICKs-"I have decided that
you must do some work every day, and
to permit you to select your own task;
what shall it be ?'' Dick Hicks-"How
would it do if was toto dust the top
of the stair railing ?"-NeaO York Herald.
''GRHAr Scott. the markets going
up like rocket, what shall we do %
exclaimed Lambkin to Shearer, his
stock broker. "Well, the best thing to
do is to try and bear it." was the smil-
ing reply Philadelphia Record.
THE Bitter BITTEN.-Glazeb brook
"What do you think of that cigar %
Grimshaw-''It's so good I'm sure you
must have given me the wrong one."-
Ne,c York Sun.
GATHER" said Farmer Begosh's son,
"I'm goin' to have another chill" 'Be
We? Well jes' wait a minute till l git
the churn fixed up fur We, will We ?''-
Washington Star.
CLOSE RELATIONSHIP" Jane, who was
that man with whom you walked out
last evening"" "Pleas'm, my twin
brother" 'But he's not a bit like you -
you know, ma'am, we are step
Der liz