The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1892-08-12
MAJOR Mandy.

PieaSe 10 understand, entirely because
have refused many excellent offers. PRAY
don't imagine from this that ain old.
Some women's offers come at lonu inter
walls, and other womcns offers come close
together. Mine came remarkably close
together-so of course l cannot possibly
be old. Not that presume to describe
myself as absolutely young, either; SO
much depends on peoples points of view.
have heard female children of the ages
OF eighteen or nineteen called young Ia
dies. This seems to me to he ridiculous
and have held that opinion, without once
wavering from it, for more than ten years
past. 1t is, after all, II question of feeling.
and-sllall confess it'll feel so young.
live in the suburbs, and have bought
my house. The major lives in the suburbs.
next door to me, and he has bought his
house don't object to this, of course
merely mention 1t to make things straight.
Major Mandy has been twice married.
ms iirst wife-deir, dearl how can ex-
press 1t! Shall say, with vulgar abrupt.
ness. that his first wife had Il familys And
must descend into particulars and add
that they are four III number and that two
OF them are twins? Well, the words are
written; and if they will do over again for
The same purpose, beg to repeat them
:" 'N'S'ShNN w Vic SccOUu MTS. Nnn0v
(still alivc), who also had family, and is
no, really cannot say, is likely to 20 On
having one. There are certain limits I'm "A
case OF this kind, and think I have
reached them. Permit me simply to state
that the second Mrs. Mandy has three
children Mt present. These with the first
Mrs. Namby's four, make total of seven
Inc seven are composed of five girls and
two boys. And the first Mrs. Namby's
family all have one particular kind of CON
stitution, and the second Mrs. Namby's
family all have another particular kind of
constitution. Let me explain once moro
that merely mention these little matte13,
and that don't object to them
My complaint against Major Mandy Is
In plain terms, that he transacts the whole
OF his domestic business in his front
garden. Whether it arises from natural
weakness of memory, from total want of n
sense OF propriety, or from a condition of
mind which is closely allied to madness Of
the eccentric sort, cannot say, but the
major certainly does sometimes partially
ana sometimes entirely forget his private
fainlly Matters and the necessary direc-
lions connected with them while he is
inside the house, and does habitunlly re-
member them and repair all omissions by
bawling through his windows ut the ton
OF his voice us soon ia he gets outside the
nouse. IL never seems to occur to him
that he might advantageOusly return in
"oois' ana there mention what he has for
gotten in private and proper way.
The instant the lost idea strikes him
which it invariably does either in his front
garden Or in the roadway outside his
house, he roars for his WIFE either from
the gravel walk, or over the low wall. and
az may use so strong an expression
empties his mind to her in public, without
appearing TO care whose ears he wearics
whose delicacy he shocks or whose ridicule
nc invites. III the man is not mad, his own
small family fuses have taken such com
plete possession of all his senses that he is
quite incapable of noticing anything else
and perfectly impenetrable to the opinions
OF his neighbors. Let me show that the
grievance OF which complain is no slight
one by giving few examples of the gen
eral persecution that suffer and the &C.
casional shocks that are administered to
my delicacy at the coarse hands of Major
Mandy.
We will say it is a fine warm morning
am sitting in my front room, with the
window open, absorbed over n deeply in.
teresting book. hear the door of the
next house bang; look up and see the
major descending the steps into his front
garden.
He walks-no, he marches-half way
down the front garden path, with his head
high in the air and his chest stuck out
and his military cane fiercely hourished in
his right hand. Suddenly he stops, stamps
with one foot knocks up the hinder part
of the brim of his extremely curly hat with
his left hand and begins to scratch at that
singularly disagreeable looking roll of fat
red flesh in the back of his neck (Which
scratching, may observe, in parentheses,
Is always a sure sign, in the case of this
horrid man, that n lost domestic idea has
fuddenly come back to him). He waits q
moment in the ridiculous position just de-
Bcr1bed, then wheels around on his heel,
looks up mt the first floor window, and, in
stead of going back into the house to men
ton what he has forgotten, bawls out
hercely from the middle of the walk:
'Matildar
hear his wifes voice-a shockinoly
shrill one; but what can you expect of q
woman who has been SEEN over and over
again, in slatternly, striped wrapper as
late as o'clock in the afternoon? hear
his wife's voice answer from inside the
house:
Eyes, dear"
81 said it was n south wind"
Eyes, dear"
at isn't south wind"
''Lor', dear"
"It's sou'east. won't have Geo-eina
taken ont today. (Georgina is one of the
first Mrs. Naniby's family, and they are
all weak In the chefA.) Where's nurses"
Here, SIR"
Nurse, won't have Jack allowed to
r<1RIn hot NJ h.,