The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1892-06-09
Barnes Items.

Well, Mr. Editor, We are still troubled
with that disease so common In our
midst, viz "breaking out at the mouth"
How long we have had it, you already
know. My distinguished friend says he
caught 1t from me. Guess he is right, for
T caught it from him last July, while he
was wearing his female apparel, and judg.
ing by the amount of corruption that he
has recently emitted we think his case is
in one Of the most aggravated forms, and
needs attention at once. However, We
have few other things to attend to just
now, aud will only give him soothing
lotion at present and avail ourselves Of his
kind proposition in helping us out Of our
present trouble. Do you think, Mr..
"Bill,' that you can persuade friend Dave
to stop any and all communication be-
tween yourself and the young man that
I have heard from you again If so you
may call him at once. We notice, too,
that you would make the impression that
anu regarded as holy terror among the
fairer sex. Now, I want the world to
know that can marry any lady 1 please,
(but jest between you and l, Mr.. Editor,
I have never yet succeeded in pleasing
one), but, of course, you will justify your
self with an instance that occurred with
me recently, when called on lady and
had the pleasure of choosing between
staying there by myself or 20 home. I
notice, Mr.. "Bill," that you are still Ia.
boring under great mistake-that am
trying to scare you. Let me assure you
again that that is not my intention, but If
1t becomes necessary (though I don't
think it will)-well, just ask the boys
how they scared the little fellow at the
spring while on their way from the Union
Meeting. When I was little boy, and
while out playing one day, found a
pretty she'll, red and yellow spotted, an
My brother told me it was terrapin, and,
to prove it, put coal of fire on Its back
when, behold it stretched out four horri.
BILE legs, tail and such wicked looking
head that ran screaming to mother, be-
lieving had seen the Devil. I felt just
30 while reading friend "Bill's" of
last issue. am not trying to scare
you, but you put off the ms"'e last week
that Is put feet and head ou. If the shell.
80 have I, and mean to have my run on
the turf before you send me to Columbia.
Now, don't be sulky, my friend. That
would be bad form, even in well-bred
servant. will not try to defend myself
against your charges, for it seems to me
that there Is nothing in the code of our
best circles to prevent you from saying
what you please to man, especially when
that man is Y. T. F.
A Mr.. "Job," of the Carswell Institute,
don't seem to entertain very exalted
opinion of the mental requirements of one
Of the writers at this place. 1t is about
seven weeks since that article appeared
that be complains of, and since that time
+ to. hoar, q ovi, IA 10 hrai,, 1uifh ui "a,
of manufacturing an ink-slinger for the
writer ''W." of this place, but somehow
the brains got added before they were
used, but he got them In all the same, and
the on ner never knew but what he bad
become the possessor of the combined
wisdom oil bis generation, but it was a
harmless halluoination and served to
amuse the boys. "W." admits that he Is
little short on brains, but that 1t was
not his fault, for no one consulted him as
to what quantity he should have. "Job"
says Il have been longing and waiting to
hear from "W.," OF Barnes. am very
glad to inform him him that his name Is
not John that "W." is subject to making
mistakes and gives one cause to believe
he Is the one who carries the ''shot gun"
and concludes with, Il am under the i'm.
preston that you are not the only one that
arms himself with shot gum" Now,
MI. sob" did 1t never occur to you that
the mistake might have been with The
type and not wv" or did you spend sew
eral weeks ascertaining that fact before
making your complaint? Have you proof
for the other charge you make to "W.,"
viz, subject to mistakes. "W." is under
the impression that you have been wait.
ing and longing, not for the appearance of
him, but for the facts you learned at the
Union Meeting recently. The next Union
Meeting will be held at this place In July,
EYES AND EARS.