The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1892-07-15

Patio Against Him. or the Luck That
Met Reuben Pullaway.

l.
Reuben Pullaway was the editor OF the
Echo City Blazer For nearly two score
years the latchstring Of his Office had al
ways been out and he had nodded opinion
until he grew moldy. He had referred to
every man in town as perfect gentleman,
and to every lady as queen Of society. and
as he grew old he longed for a chance to
roast somebody.
"Ob," he would exclaim, in the silent
Iventide, while the tears coarsed down his
iuTowed cheeks, "oh for an opportunity to
turn loose and cruelty somebody / am
filled with adjectives which would look
magnificent in print, but dare notl II |
were to attack any one he would stop his
paper, and perhaps take out his advertise
ment."
SO Reuben Pullaway wrote fattering
paragraphs about people, and grew sullen
and taciturn.
And his cross seemed greater than he
could bear,
Reuben" said the EDITORS wife one
morning, az he looked sadly at an untasted
breakfast and reached for his hat, why
not roast some imaginary individuals
Turn loose the walls of your wrath upon
Horatio Eldergroove, for instance. Nobody
can possibly be offended, since there is no
such a man, and you'll have just as much
fun torturing him as though he lived"
The editor folded his wife TO his bosom
weeping; but, oh, gentle reader, his tears
we're tears of joyl
Augusta Sophronia," he cried, ut is an
Inspirationl Oh, how l will paralyze Hora-
Ito Eldergroovel"
The beautiful glow Of dawn was in the
heart of Reuben Pullaway.
III.
The leading editorial in The Blazer that
week was corker. This city" it said,
"has been visited by an unprincipled scoun-
drel Of the name of Horatio Eldergroove;
he has green whiskerS and only one eye,
which Is in the middle of his forehead; he
has trunk like An elephant and tusks
foot long. He is a reproach to mankind; a
hyena who lives on the bones of dead men;
a ghoul, vampire, a serpent; he would
play checkers on the coffin of his mother
and rob ghost of its shroud"
There was a column and a half OF this
sort OF literature, and when it was written
the editor felt refreshed and young once
more. All the accumulated bile of years
and years had flown into the article.
"The beauty of it is" said the editor to
the foreman, that since there is no such a
man as Horatio Eldergrooye, with his green
whiskers and single eye, nobody can pos
sibly be offended"
True enough" responded the foreman,
with q shoreless smile.
".
Tn the quiet, dreamy dusk Of summer
evening a wayworn stranger journeyed
into Echo CITY; he had green whiskers and
but one eye, which was in the center OF his
forehead; he bad trunk Ike an elephant
and tusks a foot long.
His first act was 10 purchase q copy OF
The Blazer, and his wrath may be better
imagined than described when he read the
leading editorial. He Immediately went
TO The Blazer office and sat on Reuben
Pullaway and made him (Reuben) eat a
three pound can Of green ink and barrel
Of glue and towel; and then he poured
coal oil on Reuben's hair and set fire to 1t;
and he fed Reuben into a stop cylinder
press with folder attached so that when
the unfortunate man emerged he was
folded ready for mailing.
Then the stranger went down town ana
addressed a meeting Of citizens.
V.
On the following day all the merchants
of Echo City called at The Blazer office
and ordered their lads" out and Cancelled
their orders for job work.
"You should be ashamed of yourself"
said the mayor; ''Mr. Horatio Eldergroove,
whom you so violently abused in your
scurrilous paper, is an eastern capitalist,
who came here to establish seven packing
houses, employing 100000 men. He has
now gone away in disgust"
And 50 his name was really Horatio
EldergrooveW groaned the heartbroken
editor; land he had green whiskers and
one eye and trunk and tusks foot long.
Well, it was just my luck"
THE END.
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