The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-05-27
At THE zoo.

Professor Louis Agassiz, with whom
have lectured a number of times to
standing room only, divides the earth
into three fauna, viz: 1. The arctic. 2
The temperate. g. The tropical. The
arctic fauna was homogeneous, and en-
braced the northern extremities of the
several boreal continents down to the
isothermal zero. Possibly do not make
myself quite plain, but little thought
will make this perfectly clear. The
arctic fauna embraced those animals
which, like the polar bear, prefer
strictly meat diet during the winter, ex-
hibiting strong repugnance to oatmeal
and adhering to their heavy jaegers the
year round.
The arctic fauna also embraces the
walrus, the penguin, and the pemmican.
The salt horse and Cincinnati quail are
also found as far north as the utmost
limit of exploration and human verte-
brate.
Rodentia and pachyderms do not do
we'll in the arctic fauna. The season is
too short. | would never take my
pachyderms too far north. Insectism
does well here, and some gallinaceous
birds, notably the penguin and the to-
boggan, but pachyderms and articulata
are very seldom found here.
Cincinnati has two good specimens Of
the polar bear. This animal is found in
the extreme north, subsisting mainly on
kippered herring and young explorers.
The white or polar bear can sit for hours
on a cake of ice without taking cold.
What wise arrangement of nature this
is which enables the polar bear, even
when heated and perspiring after long.
hard chase after an explorer, to seat him
self on an iceberg with impunity while
eating his explorer. This animal is also
enabled to go for days without food.
Last winter, for instance, is said to have
been a very severe one on arctic fauna.
Toward spring. it is said, thousands Of
arctic animals were driven from their
usual haunts by cold and hunger. many
of them barely eking out a wretched
existence by licking the axlegrease of
the north pole.
The polar bear, however, pulled
through without great suffering and in
very fair condition, while thousands of
other arctic animals died off, owing
to the fact that curiosity regarding the
open polar sea is apparently falling OFF,
and the carnivorous animals of the polar
region are now often seen to pause and
look at each other as who should say:
Don't it seem to you that it is getting
to be a pretty long time between polar
expeditionsY
About the only real merit attached to
the arctic regions, it seems to me, is the
fact that there is said to be absolutely
no malaria there and very few mos
ouitoes. On the other hand, the trop-
ical fauna must continually grapple
with very malarial climate, The very
sine oui7line of a climate, as it were.
The tropical fauna is represented in
the Cincinnati geological collection by Il
number of good specimens, among others
a pair of chimpanzees, called MIR. and
Mrs. O'Hoolihan. Mr.. O'Hoolihan is
somewhat below the medium height and
resembles the late Mr.. Crowley, of New
York. Mr.. O'Hoolihan has pale gray
eve and John e. Calhoun whiskers.
In politics he favors a republican form
of government with a Democratic ma
jority. Socially he is rather liberal, and
would no doubt lead a double life If he
had not been placed where his actions
are constantly under the public eye, as
it were. One of the most touching pic
lures l have ever seen, think, and one
well worthy of the brush OF a Rem
brandt or McDougal, is that OF Mrs,
O'Hoolihan on Sabbath morning. fuss
ing around among Mr.. O'Hoolihan's
John &. Calhoun whiskers with a tine
comb.
Mr.. O'Hoolihan favors the election OF
senators directly by the people, and also
urges that in this day Of popular prices
for good entertainments that seats II
the senate are too high. He would favor
making them ten, twenty and thirty
cents.
Mr.. O'Hoolihan also favors the free
md unrestricted coinage Of silver, to
yether with a more rigid rule regarding
Is absorption by those who already have
IA. His theory is that the govern
Hnuld offer a certain percentage
of premium to those who now have
money, and by that means ascertain
truthfully what amount each citizen
| has. Then it should announce that il
had made slight error as to the mean
ing of the law, and turn right around
with what silver it has and what it car
| coin by means of new brick and tile
machine which will make money as fast
as a big factory can make carpet tacks
and even up the whole thing so that al
mankind may start in square again.
Mr. O'Hoolihan favors also the ap
portionment of brains in the same way
| if possible, otherwise the able men would
| fool the other folks out of their money
again in week. and all this apportion
ment would have to be gone through
with again. He does not know yet very
! fully how he will even up the gray mat
ter business, but he thinks it can be done
| He claims that when surgeons are able
! to open the skull of foolish person thai
has failed to grow. thus giving room Il
the brain so that the idiotic, by having {
gore or a gusset put into skull, have
! been able to almost think inside of {
week, whereas they formerly did moi
| know enough to ache when they go'
| hurt, he thinks the day is not far distant
when the man who knows too much may
be made to 'whack up" as it were, Will
the mental pauper. Proper officials vii
| go around with brain tester for people
to think against. and by means of {
| graduated scale the official can tel
whether man knows more or less thar
the law allows.
In this way the smart Aleck who knows
1t all, and who tells his parents how Il
grow up to be good men and women
will be compelled to fork over some Of
his ability to the poor fellow who ha'
n