The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-11-15
r

A sample of bridesmaids challenge;
ANY person who can show me that
my cocoa is injurious to health will re
ceive ten boxes gratis. "-FEiegende
BlGdtter.
Dums1uizzle-"How would you de
fine the word crank Skimgullet2"
Skimgullet-"A crank, my dear sir, is
a specialist in something that you take
no interest in."-NeU York Sun.
"The face of the returns" said the
chairman of the meeting, "shows
sixty seven ayes and no noes" "What
a queer looking face that must be-"
remark ed an old lady on the back row.
Fun.
What He Wanted: Judge-And 1
understand that you prefer charges
against this man.
Grocer-No, sir, 1 prefer cash, and
that is what I had him brought here
for.
Circus man bunting for a stray ele-
phant): Have you seen a strange
animal around here9" Irishman: BE
CORA Oh how that; there was an injur-
rubber bull around here pullin' carrots
wild his tail"
ooh, what a lovely statuette!' ex-
claimed Mrs. HOjack, admiring one of
the ornaments of Mrs. Crewe- Doyle's
parlor.
Yes" replied Mrs. Crewe Doyle,
much gratifed by the callers admira-
ton; that is rs pretty a little burst
as 1 could find."-Judge.
Judge-What induced you to break
into the bank2
Burgular-The money there was in
it. What yer 'spose2 Think 1 did it
glory9 Amt money what we are all
after2 Amt that what you get for
trying these cases?-Boston Globe.
"May 1 ask if that was your maiden
effort3' inquired the reporter at the
woman's rights convention, edging his
way around to the fair orator who had
just sat down amid loud applause.
cit was not, sir; I'm a widow" she
replied. Chicago Tribune.
Dere is more real piety in de dollar
OATS given ernonermusly to relieve de
condishun oh de city's poor, dear bred
dern, dan dere is in de five thousan'
OATS given for de purpose Of orna
mentin' a fashionable church wild a
stained glass window havin' yer name
across de bottom.-Ptink Punk.
The advertising sign Q the most
frequently in London is that of an
aerated bread Some store window
placards noticed in London:
Oysters, recommended for fortify-
ing the system against influenza"
"Old artificial teeth bought for
cash."
Won Boomer understand that
you have bought a cottage at the sea-
shore for this Summer"
Detootville-''I bought two, side by
side"
Won Bloomer-"What do you want
two for, with your small family?"
DeTootvilIe-"One is for my wife's
trunks"
A Boomerang-"Oh, misery" cried
the editor. VIVA is the mat ter now9'
q just threw a poet out of a window;
and his wife, who was waiting for him
below, has presented one of our in
surance coupons at the cashiers desk.
He had it on himl Another five hun
dred dollars gone, when two doll 4rs
would have bought not only his poem
but his everlasting gratitude. "-Puck.
At a temperance meeting an honest
German was asked to speak, and after
some hesitation did so in the following
exhaustive manner: q shall tell you
how it was. l put mine hand on mine
head; there was one big pain. Then l
put mine hand in my pocket, and there
was nothing. Now there ish no more
pain in mine head. I put mine hands
in my pockets, and there ish twenty
pounds. So 1 shall stay nit the tenn
perance."
AUiGncemdn, If yoW receiUe q sample
copy of this paper, 1t IS to- remind yOW
that yOW should send us one dollar and