The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-12-28
WIT AND HUMOR.


it doesn't aid the caws any.-EIzntrG
Gazette.
1t rather puts belle on her mettle
when she is extolled.- Yonker'S States
man.
A popularity of certain cranks is
that they can't be turned.-PhitGdel-
phi0 Times.
Noah was the first curve pitcher; he
pitched the ark without and Within
Hdr0ard Ldmpoon.
"There is always room at the top"
but you had better carry up with you
big basket of victuals. Galveston
NeaOS.
He'll ask your father for your
hand tonight. She-All right; but be
careful that you don't get his boot in
stead.
Bonds-Are you quick at footing
figures, Coupons? Coupons-Yes, if
they're dudes figures. have an only
daughter.
Hairpins are made by very COM
plieated machine. They are used by a
very complicated creature, too. =
SOn1erUilIe Journal.
"This patent dentrifce is about the
cheapest thing to manufacture that l
know Of It's mostly chalk" "How
about porous plasters? They are most
ly holes. ."-Truth.
"I'm afraid Johnny is going to the
bad just as fast as he can," said his
mother" as hep" replied the neigh
Dor. "Why don't you get him en-
ployment as messenger boy" Il
Washington Star.
First Lawyer-"Young Blackstone
has political aspirations, hasn't hep"
Second Lawyer-"Why do you think
SOP" First Lawyer-"I notice he calls
all the barkeepers by their first names.
N. Y. Weekly.
"Life in this country" said the
philosoph pher, "is heap like going to
the circus. Soon as man gets to the
front all the fellows on the back seats
insist on him sitting down out of the
way."-IpdiGaaGpotis Journal.
Teacher-"John, in your essay you
say that George Washington was not
fond of fishing. Where is your author
ity for that assertionP" Jonny Cumso
-"Why, every ybody knows he couldn't
tell ie."-Detroit Free Press.
Chappie-"How did you happen to
become dancer?" The Young Thing
/ 81 was crossing Broadway one mud
dy day, and when | reached the side
walk manager stepped up to me and
asked me if I would accept an engage
| ment. Truth.
Van Winkle-"Is the house you are
building coming within the limit?"
Won Blumer-SYes, indeed. l was
peculiarly fortunate. The architect
happened to be friend of mine and he
is putting me up $4,000 house for
only $5,0O0.-1Tuth.
$50 our old dschool-friend is practicing
law," said the man who was visiting
his native town. "Yes." as he a
criminal lawyer?" "Well, I don't know
as you could call him that. He's man.
aged to keep from gettin' arrested so
far. p Washington Star.
Mr.. Lurker = Excuse me, Miss
Snapper, but have long sought this
opportunity to-" Miss snapper
"Never mind the preamble, Mr.. Lurker.
Run right in and ask pa. He's been
expecting this would come for the last
two years. ."-BoStoia Courier.
Hoffman Howes-"I see by the papers
| that the pwince started waising hosses
five yeahs ago" Howell Gibbon-
"Ya-as. And we must do everything
| the pwince does" Hoffman Howes-
"But how the dooce can we start wais-
ing horses five yeahs ago?"
Eyes, SIR" said the big man who was
hanging to strap in the street car.
"I'm going to make that boy of mine
an actor" Has he any qualifications"
"Well, I should say he had. He's
| only IL years old and he has whipped
every boy in the ward. ."-Bufalo EG-
press.
"You have charming home, sir.
and if you will permit me to say so
you have most amiable wife. :"
you're right, my friend; l refuse my
wife nothing and she will tell you so
herself. Come, open your mouth, Mary,
and show the new set of teeth that
bought for you yesterday. European
Exchange.
! Travers-"Strange what different
emotions some occasions will bring
out. | was down to the races yester-
day and in the excitement my tailor,
who happened to be there, actually
came up and threw his arms around
NY ACSh. OdoCdWdJ y SuPDOSO no
| had picked a winner, hadn't hep"
Travers -"No, but he saw that had. .
Teas SJtimgs.
Clubberly-"I would like to have
you pass the night with US, old man.
promise you high old time" Bingo
d should like to, old fellow, but you
know what my wife is" Clubberly-
Cant you think up some excusep"
Bingo-"Let's see. 1 tell you what
I'll do. I'll telegraph home for my
dress suit. Then [brightlyl she'll
think am with some respectable peo-
pie. Truth.
| Ned (exultantly)-"I tell you, old
man, think I've made an impression
on Miss Flyrte at last. gave her my
photograph yesterday and she told me
this morning that she had stuck it in
the corner of thei mirror of her dress
ing-case." Tom-"You poor thing!
Are you so ignorant as that? Don't
you know that when girl stands in
front of her mirror she never looks at
anything but herself?" = Sonaer0iLLe
Journal.
Briggs allow is Peterkin getting
along with his wife? She seemed
rather high-spirited girl" Griggs-
"Nothing could be smoother, tell you,
old man, it's a case of genuine love.
That girl just worships him." Briggs
I-"What makes you think SOP" Griggs
&c Why, they have been married six
months and he told me contidentially
the other day that she still continued
to put his studs in his dress shirt" y
Tom Mason an CLothier and Furnisher.
Father-"I hope, Johnny, you do not
read dime novels?" Johnny-"I have
been reading them, but you need not
be alarmed, father dear, for they make
no impression on me-" Father-"Then
there is no danger of you going west
to rob stagesP" Johnny-"Not much.
In my opinion the man is fool who
will set up nights and lose his rest in
order to rob trains or stages, when
he casl go to congress and get in his
work on the public funds. "-Te1as
SJtingS.
Friend-"Doesn't the ride back and
forth to the country every day seem
| very lOn0?D Mr. Suburh-"TOnpi Tt'a