The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1892-06-18
why the Town was Dead.

why the Town Was Dead.
Arkansaw Mule:-"What is the matter
with your town? I was here ten years
ago and 1t seemed to have more people
and lots of good business houses. Now
l fail to see any"
ooh yes" remarked the Oldest inhabi-
tant with that woebegone sickly smile,
indicative of an early departure to the
sweet realm Of bliss, as he twisted the
weed to the other side of his jaw where
there were fewer teeth and more room
Eyes, we were on the eve Of a successful
boom then.
And might add without fear Of con-
tradition, we have been sitting on that
eve ever since untilit is as thin as q
ghost. But, however. as was going to
remark, new people coming in, made
things lively for while; every one had
enough to attend to their own affairs.
All were getting along nicely, if not
actually getting rich, when one day a
rubber stamp fiend, who had heard Of
the prosperity Of our town, came along
in search of stray quarters. With glib
tongue he proved so conclusively to our
merchants and business men that by the
use OF his stamps they could save untold
wealth, instead of employing printers.
The stamps were made out of town, and
six journeymen walked that week the
same way. Then coal baron dropped
into form our acquaintance. He con-
signed carload Of coal to enc of our
bankers to hawk around among his
friends, and save matter of twenty-five
cents a ton on the local dealers price.
This was merely a starter; but the local
dealer closed right up and started. The
dry goods dealers caught the mania to
save Oh their groceries, so they sent
abroad for what they and their employees
wanted. Then tho grocer discharged
his clerks, sold off his delivery teams,
and when his family needed dry goods,
for spite merely, he hunted up an old
eastern catalogue and forwarded his
order. The lumberman could not sell
any Of his wares, because the few people
who had occasion to build sent direct to
the lumber regions for car lots. And so
it wenton; the professions holding their
own, while the industries and merchan-
tile line pulled out of the race.
But one day along came dapper
little chap with phonograph contain
ing Talmage's sermons. Just drop a
nickel in the slot-the whole congrega-
tion went wild over it! Next day the
different church societies called d meet
ing, and each agreed to pay their pastors
three months salary in advance and in
vest ina phonograph.
"The doctors were the next on the list
to get black eye. A book agent show
cd up with "Know Thyself." One dose
was sufficient; and not doctor remained,
They were all cleaned out. Nor were
legal lights much behind, for on their
learning that the b.a would be back the
next week with book entitled "Every
Man His Own Lawyer" by one of the
most eminent jurists the country had
ever produced, etc, they silently stole
away to fresh field, where the harvest
was more abundant and the dogs were
trained to eat book agents on sight"
"Why, sir, this false state of economy
has killed our town, and it is past
resurrection. The few manufacturing
plants we had in an early day were
starved in their infancy. Yet, it is a
delightful climate; none better;perfectly
healthy. Do you know that a great
many of our people go away every year
to get sick and enjoy change, and as
to the patent n0strums cons umed. they
are immense.
THE only immigration we have had
lately is by marriage. The male portion
of the community, when they reach
years OF maturity. 60 away TO select
their mates, and our young ladies find it
convenient to visit in finding husbands.
Each knows the others faults and mean
nesses. Scandal is the only thing that
tiOurishes in this community. The rich
skin what they can from the poor; and
of their surplus, they send it abroad to
gather more fatness. The poor abuse
the rich with their tongues, for it's the
only weapon they have to retaliate with.
$50 the town has grown beautiful, less
each year in inhabitants and wealth.
One thing, and only one. make them a
united people-cursing the day that an
ill wind blew them to such a dead town
and swearing that each season shall be
| their last.
"lhe people are not whit behind
their tOwn-simply walking around to
save funeral expenses until they can
starve their undertaken out, so they may
have a valid excuse to send away for one
of those patent adjustable cofiins with
attachments, etc.
"Why don't get out. ell? WILL, six
| years ago ] committed a most llenieus
crime. and am now doing penance for
the same"
4 The Rest school.
1 About all the youngsters in town are
| n t.,r