Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-08-20

GE when you get sick you
take something. Few
OF you, though. have
been prescribed for by
the gods or q god. There il Q man in The
STAR Office who has been 90 fortunate as
to have his ailments looked into by a god.
and a very ugly and MISUNDERSTANDING god
il Was, too. The man was not cured
by the god. but that does not do away with
the fact in any way or with the honor which
goes with it. The god which did the pre-
scribing for this man did not sit in a room
with formidable-lookiug look and surgical
case and a sign reading. ''Ofice prescriptions
cash, either. but occupied an apartment all
filed with CANDY gilt work and funny little
vessels in which burned aromatic punk. He
was Chinese Joss and his name was but
what matter his name? You could not pro-
nounce il you heard it.
FRIEND AND THE RHrrMArrsM
II happened in this way. The man was walk
ing around San Francisco with a friend and the
rheumatism. The friend walked by his side and
the rheumatism walked all over him, paving es-
pecial attention TO his ankles and causing him
TO walk in a manner as 1.-the and active rs a mule
with the blind staggers. The man. the rheu-
fnillffu anu lrlcnu nDallk lOunO themselves
in Chinatown. which occupies quite a slice
Of San Francisco. and just the man
irving to figure out whether he would
rather be an American with the rheumatism
or a Chinaman and eat unsavory-looking
messes with chopsticks and play poker
with tenth of a cent ante the procession
paused. The friend Of the man Was a lawyer
and be mad collided with one of his old clients.
n prosperous-looking Chinese merchant. who
presented the man with cheerful smile and
cigar. The smile has gone the WAYS Of all
earthly things. but the man still has the cigar.
Whenever he wants to stop smoking for a week
he looks n: that cigar and the deed is done.
The hospitality of the Chinese gentleman did
not stop at the cigar. and he took us TO see one
of the big joss houses. containing four or five es
pecinlly ugly looking gods and with the wall
covered over with hieroglyphics, said to be the
names Of the subscribers to that particular Joss
house
~ JOSS HOUSE.
The Cinnamon around the room did not seem
especially overburdened by awe at their sur
roundings and very cheerfully drank tea and
blew smoke into the faces of their omnipoteut
gods. The man ard his friend blew smoke,
too. and bought. according to the custom, some
little bundles Of punk with which the true be-
never propit;ates the gods. II the mans friend
had not spoken at this point. the man would
never have been prescribed for by a god with a
speak. He said to his Chinese client: my
friend here has rheumatism. Now, which god Is
the surest death on rheumatism, Tell
Us, and we will burn these
punk sticks before him, and 10, my friend viii
be cured" The Chinaman consulted first with
himself and then with the keeper Of the house.
Finally. with a wave Of his hand. which in
cluded the entire collection of gods, he said i'm
pressively: 'Goddeys no goodee iumatlism
dlivee lumatlism uppee. commee me" and the
man and his friend ''commeed" They went
around q back street and up three flights OF
stairs, into a room so small that il would seem
impossible for a cat to be swung, let alone a
god.
THE JOSS OF RHEUMATISM
There was joss here, however. a black Joss
with reddish whiskers and a sardonic smile.
There was attendant also and the attendant
could only talk Chinese. He could talk this
though. at a good steady trot. He smiled
eheerfully and gave the man and his friend
some tea. The guide then explained the OBJ.
ject Of the visit in excellent Chinese. At any
rate the man takes it for granted that il was
excellent Chinese. The attendant fol-
lowed in q fve-minute speech in the same
language and then the guide smiled and nodded
cheerfully, as much as to say: I'VE are all
right. We have struck the especial deity that
can knock rheumatism higher than kite" The
attendant then knelt before the joss and prayed
He prayed vigorously and occasionally raped
his head against the floor. which must have
been painful His interview. however seemed to
have been satisfactory, for he went behind the
joss and pulled out a broad drawer on which
was spread q thin LAYER Of white sand. In his
hands he held the handles of a wooden iustru-
ment, which enSed in a peg resting on the
sand. A rapt look came over his face and the
peg began to move, describing courses and lines
all over the white surface.
THE USISrELLrGIBLE PRESCRIPTION.
The Chinese gentleman who had brought the
party in smiled more cheerfully than ever and
explained, "Goddee lite" After the god had
written ali over the sand the attendant who had
kindly held the pen got out his own writing
materials and wrote two wash bills; at least that
Is what they looked to the man who bad never
seen any other class Of Chinese literature
They were written with stick on red paper
and resembled the tracks Of q number Of insane
flies just after emerging from q bath in
an ink well. The guide, however. explained
the inscriptions. One, he said. was the descrip-
ton which the joss gave Of the trouble with
which the man was suffering and the other was
prescription which could be filed at the drug
store around the corner. After drinking some
more tea with the gentlemanly heather who
had such familiar intercourse with the gods the
party adjourned to the drug store. The owner
Of the drug store was a stout Chiuaman and he
and his four clerks were eating dinner in the
space in front Of the counter. They were
all eating out of the same dish and il was
not pretty dish. either They all went TO work
on the prescription and pretty soon the counter
was covered with queer-looking drugs. The
prescription consisted Of nine different ingre-
dients and made big bundle. II was with re-
lief that the man found the affair was for out
ward application and not for inward consump-
ton.
THE TRANSLATION.
The next day the mans friend had the Chi
nese inscriptions translated by Chinese gentle
man on whom he could rely. The mans friend
said the translator was an opium dealer and was
therefore thoroughly reliable. You must COM
mence to read Chinese letters MP in the upper
right-hand corner and then read down. The
gods diagnosis, therefore, said:
Why has Description
he Of
don't kind condition.
feel Of Of
well rheumatism man.
mixed Blood
with not
blood full
That enough.
10 He
The prescription. the tranalasor said, called
for Song Bach Ye, FL Tong Shut, Chin Mua Qua,
Sit Kim Tsw, Tung Dit, Tong Shut, Cling
Won. Movoy Hnu9 and Mok HunU All a