The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1892-05-22
THE GREAT COL
Elaborated NOVEL.
How We Did Not Write It.


copyright, 1892, by Jerome X. Jerome.l
can't honestly say that We made much
progress at our first meeting. 1t was
Browns fault. He would begin by tell
ing US q story about a dog 1t was the
old, old story of the dog who had been in
the habit of going every morning to a
certain bakers shop with a penny in his
mouth, in exchange for which he always
received a penny bun. One day the baker,
thinking he would not know the differ
ence, tried to palm off upon the poor ami
NAL penny bun, whereupon the dog
walked straight outside and fetched in a
policeman. Brown had heard this chest
nut for the first time that afternoon, and
was full oft. 1t is always mystery to me
where Brown had been for the last hun
dred years. He stops you in the street
with, 'tOh. must tell you such capi-
tel storyp' And he thereupon proceeds
to relate to you, with much spirit and
gusto, one of Noah's best-known jokes, or
some story that Romulus must have orig
inaliy told to Remus. One of these days
somebody will tell him the history Of
Adam and Eve, and he will think he has
into novel.
He gives forth these hoary antiquities as
personal rem iniscences of his own, or, at
farthest. as episodes in the life of his Sec
ond cousin. There are certain strange and
moving catastrophies that would seem
either to have occurred to, or to have been
witnessed by, nearly every one you meet.
never came across man yet who had
- - snr Ea1 10
top of an omnibus into a mud cart. Half
London must, one time or another, have
been jerked off omnibusses into mud carts,
and have been fshed out at the end of a
shovel.
then there is the tale of the lady whose
husband is taken suddenly ill one night
at hotel. She rushes down stairsland
prepares stiff mustard plaster to put on
him, and runs up with it again. In her
excitement, however, she charges into the
wrong room, and rolling down the bed
clothes, presses it lovingly upon the
wrong man. / have heard that story so
often that am quite nervous about going
to bed in hotel now. Each man VINO
has told it to me has invariably slept in
the room next door to that of the victim,
and has been awakened by the mans yell
is how he (the story teller) came to know
all about it.
Brown wanted us to believe that this
prehistoric animal he had been telling US
about had belonged to his brother-in-law,
and was hurt, when Jenhson murmured
soto voce, that that made the twenty
eighth man he had met whose brother-in-
law had owned that dog-to say nothing
4. 4. =. A.
We tried to get to work after Tat, but
Brown had unsettled us for the evening.
1t is wicked thing to start dog stories
among party of average, sinful men.
Let one man tell a dog story, and every
other man in the room feels he wants to
tell bigger one.
There is a story going-I cannot vouch
for its truth, it was told me by a judge
of a man who lay dying. The pastor of
the parish. good and pious man, came to
sit with him, and, thinking to cheer him
up, told him an anecdote about dog
When the pastor had finished the sick
man sat up. and said: Il know better
story than that. / had a dog once, big,
brown, lop-sided-"
The effort had proved too much for his
strength. lie fell back upon his pillows,
and the doctor stepping forward saw that
it was question only of minutes.
the poor fellows hand in his and pressed
I'VE shall meet again." he gently said.
The sick man turned towards him with
aconsoled and grateful look.
'I'm glad to hear you say that" he
feebly murmured. Remind me about
that dog"
Then he passed peacefully away with q
sweet smile upon his pale lips.
Brown. who had had his dog story and
vas satisfied. wanted us to settle our hero
inc; but the rest of us did not feel equal &c
settling anybody just then. We were
thinking of all the true dog stories we haj
ever heard, and wondering which was the
one the least likely TO be generally disbe
lieved.
MacShaugnassy, in particular, was
growing every moment more restless and
moody. Brown concluded long dis
course--to which nobody had liStened-by
remarking with some pride, What NOR,
can you want? The plot has never been
used before. and the characters are en-
tirely original"
Then MacShaugnassy gave way. Talk
Ing of plots" he said hitching his chair {
little nearer the table, THAT puts me il
mind. Did ever tell YOU about that dos
We had when We lived in Norwood 70
ats not that one about the bulldog, i
its" queried Jephson. anxiously.
We'll, II was a bulldog" admitted Mac
Ehaugnassy, ''but / don't think I've eve
told Won this one before
We knew, by experience. that 70 srgu.
the matter would only prolong the tor
ture, SO We lei him 60 on.
"A great many buvglaries had latel,
taken place IN our neighhorhood," he be
ran, "and the psier came 20 the conclu
sion that il was time he laid down a dog
He thought bulldog would he the hes
for his purpose, and he purchased Ia,
most savage and murderous looking speei
men that he could FIND.
.My mother WAS alarmed when she saw
the dog. Surely you're not going 10 lie
that brute loose about the house she ex
claimed. He'll xiii somebody. l can Sc
is in his face.
al want him 10 kill somebody reptile,
NJ father; Il want HIM 70 xii burglars.
I'll don't like to hear you talk like THAI
Thomas answered the mater; MS no
fike YOU. We've right 70 protect GU
property, hut we've no right 20 take fel
low human creatures life
s.fOur fellow human creatures will b
all right SO long as they don't come int
our Kitchen when they've no buslnes
there re;orted my father somewhat ties
tiiy. I'm going To FIX up this dog in tn
sculiery, and il p burglar comes foolin
around-weli, that's his affair.
THE old folks quarreled on and Of 20
about 3 month over this dog. The Ga