The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-06-15
WIT AND HUMOR.


the dressy woman thinks of her opera
Binghdnatos Republican.
The mercenary maiden doesn't want
the earth, but she would like to get
the Bsnghanaton Leader.
1t is hard to believe that a man who
doesn't agree with US can be altogether
right in his heart.-RGna'S Horn.
1t is the parachute performer who
runs the greatest risk of taking "a
drop too much. = Washington Star.
All men do not get their deserts.
Some consider themselves lucky if they |
oct as far as a second course Wash
angtoss Star.
1t is hard for the fellow who rakes
in the Jackpot to understand why the
losers do not share his joy.-I'adtdaa-
apolis Journal.
Mrs. Figg-"Where is that custard
put away this noon?" Tommy-"l-ll
guess it vanished into the empty heir"
Indianapolis Journal.
When a fellow thinks the world
owes him living he is very likely to
go out and put lean on lamp-post.
Binghdnston Republican.
It seems strange that people who
want to commit suicide never think to
blow in a shotgun to find out whether
it is loaded.-RGna's Horn.
This is the season when the young
squirrel perches upon a high limb and
watches the good little boy blowing
into a gum Columbus Post
"Now, Johnny, can you tell the COM
mittee where the cradle of the human
race WASP" eyes, nam; in the Rocky
Mountains. Brooklyn Life.
Inouiring Child-"Why do the pa
pers call officeholders public servants?"
Mother-"B Because they are paid so
much and do SO little. Good Nesos.
Mrs. A.-"Do you believe in per-
sonal devilP" Mrs. B.@"I can't say.
But know 1 shouldn't if 1 were his
wife. The men are all alike. ."-BoSto'a
Transcript.
The real hero in these modern days
is the man who can appear to be hap
py at a public gathering where he
isn't enjoying himself bit.-Sonaer-
Ville Journal.
Irascible Diner-"See here, sir, don't
you see / am waiting here?" Com
PLEASANT Waiter-"Very well, sir; then
i WILL 70 anu Wdlb 6OlnChA ClSO'
Boston Courier.
He-"Win you love me if / give up
all my bad habits?" She (protesting)
-"But, George, how could you expect
me to love perfect strangerP"-De-
troit Free Press.
"'Well, Tom, did the old man do the
prodigal sons father act when you
went homer" "Not entirely. He fell
on my neck, but there it stopped. =
N. Y. Herald.
Shelf you should propose to a
wealthy girl and be rejected, what
would YOU do? He-"We1l, | suppose
1 should have to earn my own living"
Detroit Free Press.
Says an exchange: with money
come poor relations" But poor rela-
tions never come with money. This is
: one of the rules that doesn't work both
ways.-IeraS SJtings.
Cobble-aWhat luck did you have in
matching that ribbon for your wife?"
Stone-SFirst rate; didn't succeed in
matching the ribbon, but it led to a
divorce. "-CloGk Re0ieo0.
We have noticed that when a woman
asks to be taken to the silk counter
she speaks in much louder voice than
when she asks to look at the calico
remnants .-Atchisoqe Globe.
Superintendent of Police-"Well, sir,
what do you want us to do with this
young man?" Fond Parent would
like you to give him an opportunity to
study for the ministry. PUCK.
He-"And you don't care for riches
darlingP" She-"No; as long as am
able to dress better and have better
things than other women, don't care
how poor we are.--M Y. Press.
Watts-~Your wife wouldn't object
to your joining new club, would
she?" N. Peck-"Is it one of those
suicide clubs? l don't think she would
object to that. ~ Indianapolis Journal
Little wife-"I saved $50 to-day
Loving husband-"You're an angel
HowP" Little wife II saw a per.
fectly lovely easy-chair that I knew
you'd like, and / didn't buy it."-N
7. Weekly.
20, mammal! There was such a
gang of dudes on the corner"
Daughter, dear, how often must / re-
prove you for using slangp You should
not say gang of dudes; say a'bery. ;"
Indianapolis Journal.
aI don't know" said the cookbook
ing policeman, ~that / won't have to
have some of these ladies arrested fol-
resisting an officer. That's the third
one who has refused to let me help
her over the crossing. y Washington
Star.
Mrs. Jones-~I took tea at Mrs
Browns last evening. There was 8
magnificent array of silver, but very
little to eat" Mrs. Robinson-"AS
usual at Mrs. Browns table. Every.
thing plated but the food. Boston
Transcript.
Mrs. Brainie-"After ten years OF
married life my husband still says Tn
an angelo" Friend: "Does he NEAR
it?" Mrs. Brainie-"Of course not
but think I'm mighty lucky to have
husband who pretends to mean it.
N Y Weekly
A newspaper writer asks the ques-
tion, "Why is it that a young man viii
sit beside young lady for hours and
say hardly anything to her all the
time?" We venture the suggestion
that perhaps he is too polite to inter
rupt her.-Bostow Transcript.
Mrs. Gibbs-"Look at the dust on
those window draperies, Bridget.
don't believe you have touched then
for a month" Bridget "Thet
hevn't; mem. wuz afraid o. breakin
'em. Do yez suppose Oh don't know
china silk when Oh see it?"-Kat,
Fields Washington.
Little Dick = NANNY, did Coo
write the bible?" Mrs. DeStyle-"O
course, my dear" Little Dick-"He'
awful vulgar, amt hep" Mrs. DeStyl'
Horrors! What do you mean?'
Little Dick-"He calls Eve woman
stead of a lady."-M. Y. Weekly.
He-"Do you ever mean to marry? !?
She-"Perhaps may some time" H
-"Have you made up your mind VIII
the man will be?" She-"Mercy! no!
He-"Still you think you will MARI.
somebody some timer" She-"I may.
He (desperately)-"Well, what's tn,
matter with me?" iSomerville Journal
Bloobumper-"I read today an &C
count of how a female forger donnet