Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-07-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

circle.--Life.
You cannot hatch ideas by sitting on
goose eggs.-Dallas News.
A baseball maxim-A run in time
saves nine.-Boston Transcript.
If poor relatives had their way they
would not have rich uncles very long,
Dallas News.
Young man, no one may be able to tell
your fortune, but you can work it out
for yourself.-Troy Press.
You can't tell how much money man
has in his pocketbook by the size of the
strap around it.-Ram's Horn.
Watts ''Did your barber shut up on
Sunday2" Potts-"No. He merely closed
the shop. p."-Indianapolis Journal.
The summer girl asks the same ques-
tions at baseball games this season as she
did last year.-Boston Transcript.
The dog that loses his master it with
out friend, and so are some men when
they lose dog.-Binghamton Repub-
lican.
A baby born in Ohio is without hands.
When he grows up he will be able to
sweep his town for the office of Treas
urer.-Philadelphia Ledger.
A man always knows what he would
have done in another fellows place, but
the other fellow doesn't alwys believe
it.-Louisville Courier Journal.
Mamma--"Don't you know that your
father is the maiustay of the family2"
Freddy-"Golly, amt he, though! And
the spanker, too. "-Brooklyn Life.
Miss Antique-"Won't your mother
60 with us2" Miss Rosebud-''No, she
says she doesn't think she is old enough
to chaperon you, dear. Detroit Free
Press.
ooh, dear" sighed Henry, whose
clothes are all made of his papa's old
ones, "papa's had his mustache shaved
off, an l suppose I've got to wear it
now. It'd Bits.
Fidgety Lady--''But what am | to
do9 | can't ride with my back to the
engine" Sarcastic Youth--"Better
speak to the guard. He'll turn the train
around. ."-Tld-B Bits.
Train Conductor -''All aboard. Hurry
up, miss, if you are going by this train. ;"
Little Girl--"Just minute, till | kiss
mamma" Conductor Jump aboard;
I'll attend to that. - Oakland Echoes.
Billy the eau-"Anything new in
engagement rings2" Jeweler-"Yes;
our new Seaside plated goods arc cheap,
and are warranted to out wear any sum-
Iner resort engagement. - jewelers.
Weekly.
Hostess-"W has become Of Sandy
Smith, who stood SO high in your class"
Aumnus-"Oh, he's taken orders.
IIostess-''He's in the ministry, thenl"
Alumnus-"No; in restaurant. -
Brooklyn Life.
Friend-"poes your son belong to the
old or the new schooll" Old Lady
(whose son is a physician --"Oh, he
doesn't belong to any school at all now;
he's been graduated for two years. -
Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Watts-"M MARY Ann, these balus-
ters seem always dusty. | was at Mrs.
Johnson's to day, and her stair rails are
clean and as smooth as glass" Mary
Ann-''Yis, mem. She has tree schmal
boys. "-lndiauapolis journal.
''If you like" said the young man at
the desk, "I'll have your poem sub
mitted to the editor" mo-" she
answered positively, an real it aloud
to him. | prefer to have the editor sub
mitted 10 the poem. Washington Star.
al tod you yesterday | would hot
marry you" said she. al know it,"
said he. "That is why ask you again
to-day. You would not be so lacking
in originality, | hopes as 10 repeat to-day
what you said yesterday. - lIarper's
Bazar
Judge-"You stole the pocket book,
but how is it that you did not apptopri.
ate the watch lying by the side of III"
Prisoner--''You don't mean to say WIS
rs daft as thaii couldn't have noticed
IL, You must excuse me, Iudgel'-
ToSas Siiiings.
IIe--'I thought the bride and groom
were going To start right OIL on lheir
trip, instead Of waiting" she
-" They were int she had 60 change
her wedding dress iof a travelling gown,
'ud they didn'i set started uuiil lhe next
lay. "~ Cloak REVIEW.
Miss riukefy You act as Il yea we're
Mr. rultor." NJ. fuiier
Yes, Miss rlnksflY, the fact Is, 1
lave teYef been able "a get 4 dress suit
10 DC me, hlss tinkerly Perhaps
.on don't gee there esrly enough, -
iluthlef and FHfnlshel