davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
A Word For the Smoker.

1t is comforting to know that nearly
all great authors were addicted to the
use of tobacco saws the Omaha World.
OF course, Homer and few Others
who lived before Sir Walter Raeiyh
introduced the precious weed are
necessarily excepted. But all who
have had the opportunity have polished
up their lines with the aid of pipe or
cigar. Indeed it is matter of
common report that Teuuyson smoked
twelve cigars over the line:
Faulty faultless, Jelly regular,
splendidIy null"
Milton loved his pipe next to his
organ. Addison, Congreve, Phillips
Prior, and Steele. smoked fiercely. Six
Walter Scott forgot the pangs OF
neuralgia and the dun of the creditor
as he sat with his pipe. Campbell
found tobacco an aid to his verses.
Carlyle was little less disagreeable
when he had his weed. Moore. Byron,
Hobbies the philosopher Isaac Newton.
all loved a smoke. And with yerv
modern writers there is the same fond
ness for the weed which at once soothes
and stimulates. ALI this is bad for the
morals of boys. 1t leaves little Robert
Reed nowhere at ala very silly little
boy, who did not know what he was
talking about when he mentioned to-
baceo as filthy weed AS a matter
OF fact things are very confusing in
this world. When one goes to school
aud gauges life by the proverbs in the
cop, book it seems very simple; but Il
little latter when it is found that the
truly good man frequently is without
friends, in very bad state of health,
not to mention financial perplexity.
while the wicked man. who smokes.
and laughs, and plays cards. and be-
longs to club, t1ourishes. is beloved
and is in a state of robust health, then
things begin to get perpexing. The
copybOoks begin to seem snare set
for the entrapDing of Young feet.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25

A fat woman entered crowded car
and, Selling the strap. stood on gen.
tleman's toes. As soon as he could
eXtricate himself he arose and offered
her his seat. You are very kind.
sir" she replied. Not at all, madam. -
he replied; Its not kindness, it's self
defense. > Comic
you applying for a pension? You
weren't in the army" NO, but tried
to enlist at the age of thirteen, and
my uncle kicked me all the way home
from the recruiting Office three
blocks. have just come to the con-
clusion that he injured my spine. -
Indianapolis Journal
@What are you doing in my house?"
asked man who surprised burglar
at his unlawful work Your house,"
exclaimed the burglar. as he COM
menced once more to put silver spoons
in his pocket. You seem TO imagine
that l don't know the title to this prop
erty is in your wife's name. > Brooklyn
Life.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
He HIT THE POTATO
But the Ssgro Target Was Sorry Ge
Didn't Get Hit and Dollar to Boot.

| think [ will tell a story. saws a
writer in Forest and Stredm We al
ways uSed to tell stories. and some
times a good MANY of them every
night when we got home from our davis
shooting. There is negro man at
City Point so old that nobody knows
now old he is-one of those old knock
kneed negroes about 100 years old. all
twisted up aud doubled up with rheu-
matism. who walks or crawls about
with the assistance of two canes, and is
known as Uncle Joe. One day the old
fellow was slowly making his way
through the village street, when along
came white mau. a very well known
character in the town. "half seas over"
He was pretty nearly las full as a
goat, and he happened TO have his
rifle with him. and a crack shot he is.
whether drunk or sober As soon As
he saw Uncle Joe seated on a stump he
sung out, II say, Uncle Joe, let me
put potato on top Of your head and
shoot it off. will give you 30 cents
il | bust the potato or dollar if kill
ye.'
The old negro looked up and replied,
DO you say. boss. you will give me
80 ceuts if you bust the potato or a
dollar if yer kill me?"
Yes" was the reply.
Well des. go ahead boss" said
the old man.
The potato was placed on the top o f
the old negroes head. and the white
man staggered off about thirty PAGES
and drew bead. The smoke and fire
shot from the rifle aud the potato spun
high in the air.
We'll, I'll be showed, said jim. Il
did do it, or I'm sOier!"
He staggered up to Uncle Joe. fumbled
around in two or three of his pockets.
tiShed out a half dollar and handed it
10 him.
The old man seemed very much sur
prised. II was a long time since he
had seen SO much money. He looked
at it lovingly, bit it, turned it over.
looked up to jim. and said. We'll.
boss, Is sorry did not git de dollar. 8"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
HOW TWO MEN QUIT GAMBLING.
One Won $4,000 in Two Hours and Then
Swore OF.

81 was reading in the Tribune this
morning" said Il gentleman at the
Hotel Cadillac, about the heavy gam
bling operations carried on at western
hotels. Iii tell Won true story about
one of these games if you do not use
my name. Not that | care so much
but on account of the firm l am now
with. | was in business in Kansas
City and had splendid young fellow
for a partner. He would play poker
aud try TO beat the houses. | often
warned him of the danger of this but
lie persisted. 1t was near Christmas
tine, and one morning he came into
the store and said: Last night | lost
5000 at poker. still owe $500 to the
game and have to-day to make it good.
| am going to raise the money some
where and want you to go and pay it
for me, as | am never going to enter Il
gambling room again
Il felt sorry for the young man, and
after dinner he handed me $500, and |
went up 10 pay it. When | entered
the room big laugh went up. and the
men, all my personal friends and the
wealthiest in the city. began TO guy
me about my partner Jack Haveriy
was there and said that the young man
had sent his old partner up to beat the
game. Now. in years gone by | had
played a pretty stiff game of poker
mysc3f aad it ne;tlpa mr., though bad
not pay Cd u game in Yeas. So, ia
stead of paying the $500 over to the
banker | bought $500 worth of chips
and began to play. Luck WAS with
me from the first, and in about an
hour bad Cancelled tne 5000 my part
ner owed and was ahead of the game.
played another hour and cashed in
81. 800 having won back all my part
ner's losses Of the preceding night and
81, 100 10 the good. carried back
receipt for 5000 10 him AMI said moth
ing.
"Chri>tn1aS day turned over to him
a check for 5000 aud had in my own
name 81, 100 in the bank. | never told
him how got the money, but neither
Of Us has ever touched a card since.
Winning 81 900 IN two hours is about
as much Disgrace to Il man as losing
that a:anuHt. The gang of ten invited
me 10 pay after that, but would
never tempt fortune second time. -
Detroit Ii,bHHe.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
BEGGING THE QUESTION.

Mrs. Brown-Jones, a society leader.
Mr.. Jones, her husband.
Mrs. Brown-Jones-"M dear (Mr.
Jones yawns and lays down paper), l
want to give a german"
Mr.. JOnes-"Give him what?"
Mrs. Brown-Jones-"Do you know
what german is?"
Mr.. Jones q supposed you referred
to a native Of Germany; but perceive
by your tone that society has to do
with it. Now, why not give an En-
glish? You are such an Anglo"
Mrs. Brown-Jones- beg of you not
to be foolish if YOU can help it. A
german is a cotillon and cotillion is
a dance"
Mr. Jones" Really, you must par
don my ignorance; but l thought, re-
Iatively speaking, that an English
would be several degrees higher in the
social scale"
Mrs. Brown-Jones IGNORING his last
remark)-"I am only going to have
young people; and want to think of
something for the mems favOrs."
Mr.. Jones What are they?"
Mrs. Brovn-Jones-"Oh, what the
- II ID 2INC W blIC IIlCL W iiCI bHSN dSh
them to dance! Now, what would you
suggest"
Mr.. Jones-"I hardly like to inter-
fere. Let them give what they want. 1t
would take the present of a steam
yacht to make me dance"
Mrs. Brown-Jones (seyerely)-"We
must supply The presents"
Mr.. Jones CATER a prolonged whistle)
That's different-my purse is limit
ed. and"
Mrs. Brown-Jones Calmly continu-
ing)-"We want something appropri-
ate for the men to hang on their coats"
Mr.. Jones (contidently)-"Wen, but
tons are the most"
Mrs. Brown-Jones- Something nice
like scarf-pinS Or"
Mr.. Jones (starting) -"But. my
sweet wife, men never wear scarf-pins
in their coats. Now, if you want
something on that order, what do YOU
say to dozen neckties? You have al
ways admired my taste in that line"
Mrs Brown-Jones-"l see no fun in
it at all"
Mr.. Jones Then why do you have
it?'
Mrs. Brown-Jones-" Have what? I
was referring to your singular re-
marks"
Mr.. Jones so you used the singu-
lar form. [ thought by it you meant
the german"
Mrs. Brown-Jones-"H Have you any
suggestions to 0ffer?"
Mr.. Jones-"Why not see Bob Van
Der Void? He can help you out"
Mrs. BroWn-JOnes-"T been think
ing of him all the time. He's just the
One."
Mr.. Jones (slowly)-"Then-why-
in the name-of -mud-did you ask
me for any suggestions?"
Mrs. Brown-JOnes -"I-I-didn't I
merely said l wanted to give a german
and that we had to buy some fayors
for the men"
Mr.. Jones (smiling broadly)-"Oh, I
begin to see! If you had said buy at
first would have understood. SO it's
a check, eh?"
Mrs. Brown-Jones (greatly relieved)
"Y-Y-Yes!"-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
At Eyentide.

Peace, weary wind! Thou hast grown tired of
roaming
Der the far moorand and the signing sea;
Through the gray dusk the angel of the gloam
ing
Comes with its message and it's peace for
thee.
All the long day the children have been stray
ing
In the bright meadows, by the running
streams;
Now they return awcaried from their playing
Home 30 their mothers and to the land OF
dreams.
All the long day the lark was singing praises
Far from the tumult of the smoky town;
AL the long day the lambs were mid the
daisies.
All the long day the sheep were on the down.
Soon in the fold the lambkins will be sleeping,
Soon i'm the dusk the lark will dream of morn,
Breathing Of peace, the rivulet is creeping
Through the shut lilies and the budded thorn
have been wearied also with my longing
Weared with hopes for what could not win
Thro the dim gate where faith should enter
in.
Now in the eventide while stars are burning
In the gray chauCel of the twilight sky
While the young lambs and children are re-
turning
Home to their resting-place- should
not II
Tired Of my solitary willfu roaming
Der the sad rnOOrland by the siphing sea
Father, hasten, through the silver cleaning,
Back. like I'll, prodigal of yOre to Thee.
Arthur i. Salmon in Good Words.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
SHE WAS A FAMOUS BEAUTY AT 90.
The Wonderful Cnuntenance and Char
acter of the Mother OF Earth oldi.

The late NINE. Bartholdi, who died
recently. was no ordinary person, and
on her Goth birthday she looked so full
of life and beamed so with mental
vigor and heartiness that | wonder she
did not live to hundred. She was
left a widow early, and devoted her
self to the education of her sons and
the stewardship of their paternal
properties. which. under her manage
ment. were increased to fortunes.
Though so we'll endowed with the mon
eymaking faculty she was person of
generous disposition and given to hos
pitality.
In youth she was reputed to be the
handsomest girl ia Alsace. AS an old
woman she was more than handsome.
The pure outlines remained. and the
fire of the kindest. quickest, and most
AMBIENT eyes imaginable was never
9uenched so long as life remained.
The son must have had her in his head
as he remembered her in her younger
days when he was sketching the de-
sign of the colossal statue of Liberty
Enli9htening the World"
1t was her idea that Liberty should
not be en- pate de gumauve, but of the
grave'and severe aspect. Liberty was
the best of all conditions, she used to say
for those who were severe upon them
selves, and the worst for the self
indulgent. One never saw "a trace of
self-righteous harshness in the old
lady. She was very indulgent toward
the erring; but that grace, she said,
came with the wide experience of old
age.
1t was a source of enjoyment to her
to drive to the Isle OF Swans. in the
Seine, and look at the reduced copy
which was set up there a few years
ago of the famous statue which now
stands at the entrance of New York
harbor. One of her savings was, do
not repress badness; crowd it out with
good ideas. "-MrS. Craa0f0rd, in Lon
don Truth.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
Evolution in Pronunciation.

A lecturer who prides himself on
faultless pronunciation. and whose
sentences are so constructed that they
measure like the rhythm of poem,
said the other evening to the writer:
Il have just received from Il friend a
little book entitled 10000 Mispro-
nounced Words. | have devoted q
great portion of my life to proper
pronunciation of words. ] am so sem
sitive on that that | am unhappy.
thought had about the proper accent
and so on. certainly in the vocabulary
| use, but | am confronted every day
with something new. If not that,
with pronunciation different from
that to'which | am accustomed. What's
"a fellow to do? Webster says one
thing. Along come Worcester, the
Century and other authorities and
knock it all over. ! am told that Web
ster is authority in this country. Who
made MIN authority? The schools,
the writer's. the press? But the schools,
the writers. the press do not agree. |
meet scholarl V men every day of my
life. Americans. who differ in their
accommodations. And these differences
are not in words seldom used, but in
those which are of every daY use.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
TIME AND ENERGY.
The Way Man May BE Old In Hours,
Though Young in Years.

Bearing in mind the Importance of
the few years in which so much has to
be acquired. says the n. 7. Ledger.
too great stress can not he laid on the
value OF proper method in diSposing
both of time and energy.
"A man may be old in hours, though
young in years if he have lost no
time" writes Lord Bacon, and it is in
the adjustment of suitable periods to
particular tasks. and the utilization of
the brief and irregular intervals be-
tween. that the saving of the time
practically consists. 1t has been esti-
mated that the mere difference between
rising at 6 and 8 o'clock in the morn
ing for the space of forty years is near
Iy equivalent to the addition of fifteen
years to a mans lifetime. There may
be some iaiosyncrasy in the matter of
getting up early, but. in very many
cases, both rising late and sitting up
late at night are largely the result of
Incidence. And for many who have
sufficient occupation in the daytime
there IS great contrast between ths
intellectual value of the morning, when
the brain is fresh, and of the evening.
when it is fatigued and rather inclined
for recreation than fresh effort.
But in the midst of his work the stu
dent should be careful of health The
best work is done when in the best
health. and this depends on a suitable
balance between mental and physica!
exertion. with plenty of fresh air and
regularity with regard to food aud
rest. It's far better. when necessary,
to lake It brief holiday TO avoid being
i'll, than to endure longer absence
from>work enforced by illness.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
BOY.SH FRANKS.
Interesting Incidents Related by Car
dinal Manning.

In the course of an interview which
the late Cardinal Manning had to en-
dure at the hands of a Strand Maya
zine reporter the old prelate referred
to his boyhood days as follows: well,
if You want me to talk nonsense | will
say that it is long way back to re-
member, for l am 80, but spent my
childhood at Totteridge. A boy at
Coombe bank, Christopher Wads-
worth, late bishop of Lincoln, and
Charles Wadsworth, bishop of ST.
Andrews, were my playfellows. /
frankly admit [ was very mischievous.
The two Wadsworths and | conceived
the wicked intentions of robbing the
winery. The door was always kept
locked, and there was nothing for it
but to enter through the roof. There
was dinner party that day, but there
were no grapes. This is probably the
only case on record where three future
bishops were guilty of larceny. We're
we punished? No, we were discreet.
We gave ourselves up and were for
given.
Il was always fond of riding, shoot
ing, boating and cricketing. | well
ItDltulDC1 DIiG WIFI UllC JEoO olIOO
from my gun | killed a hare. That
shot was nearly the means of prevent
ing me from ever becoming IS. My
fathers gamekeeper was with me at
the time, and he was very tall, heavy
fellow, with a tremendous hand.
When he saw the hare fall he brought
that same huge hand down on my
back with ali his might and a hearty
We'll done, Master Henry His en-
thusiasm nearly knocked me out of
the world. My shooting inclinations,
however, once nearly ruined the fami-
ly coach--in those days, you know, we
used to have great, cumbersome, I'M
comfortable vehicles. l had a battery
of cannons, and my first target was
the coach-house door. One of these
formidable weapons carried a fairly
weighty bullet. Well, hit the door
the bullet went clean through and
nearly smashed the panel OF the
coach"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
HUTS OF THE ES0UlMAUx.
How the Savages Live When "At Home~
in Their Native Land.

The village of Kakwok consists Of
though the remains of other huts show
1t to have been at one time much
larger settlement, says Frank Leslte's
Weekly. The Esquimau, in building
his house, takes his model from the
beaver the habitation consists of two
dugouts, covered with dome-like mud
roofs and connected by a tunnel. One
OF the two compartments is much
smaller than the other, and it is only
through the vestibule-like continuance
that there IS communication with the
outer world. The main compartment,
in the center of its roof. has a scuttle
which serves lmperfectly AS vent for
smoke aud as means of access for
light.
These dug-outs are very warm and
comfortable. although but rarely is a
fire made in the living-room. The
cooking is almost exclusively done in
the anti-hut, which is also allowed in
some villages to serve as a shelter for
dogs. The inhabitants of the barabras
sleep on the floor in their ordinary fur
clothing and without bedding, curling
up usually in indiserlminate heaps of
humanity.
The kassigima. which is an essential
of every Esquimau village, is the home
of the single men, and, therefore, cor
responds with our bachelors apart
ments, and it also does duty as pub
lie hall i'll which occur all great dances,
festivals and powwows of the tribe. In
its general construction the kassigima
resembles the barabr being built.
however, on a much larger scale. It's
main room is usually foored with
hewn timber, and along the walls on
its four sides are arranged long planks
like shelves, on which the lonesome
bachelors nightly rest.
Immediately below the scuttle there
Is depression which serves rs a fire.
place for heating the room to the tenn
perature necessary for sweat-bath. in
which capacity the kassigima is en-
ployed at least once Il dav. No cook
my Is done in this building. but the
squaws from the different barabras at
meal time are seen in procession on
their way to their bachelor friends car
rying as love offerings wooden bowls
with savory stews of decayed fish and
more savory desserts of huckleberries
and seal oil. Strangers are usually
entertained in the kassigima, but white
men are welcomed in any barabra.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
Spanish CreoIes.

They present a restful contrast to
their American sisters. While the
American woman labo.s to push her
self socially beyond whatever position
she NAV be placed in, chafes over do
nsestic occurrences, has spasms of
despair over her failure to find a mis-
sion. bemoans her small value as a
factor of the world. the Spanish
woman knows, or at least recognizes.
no social scale.
Whether her friend sells cigars or is
in the commission business, ne is her
friend. and is endowed with ideal
rank He is, like herself, an exile
from the kingdom of 1.-THE what-might-
have been"
A laugh greets the daily mistakes in
domestic service which form the bur-
den of the American wOman's COM
plant; she has her mission from her
birth-to be a true friend. wife and
mother
She floats down the stream of time;
the American sWims. She dances
through life to the accompaniment of
jests and compliments; the American
marches through it to martial music.
She has no end 10 view. All thought
is for the present moment. The Amer
lean lives to It, ave an impress on her
time. The Spaniard reaches an end,
the American a destination. Death
comes after ease no less than after
struggle.
George Eliot said that God made
women TO match the men. so that it
rarely happens that even in the south
the Spanish woman marries the Amer
lean man.
The Spanish man cannot be taken
too seriously. the American woman
cannot he taken lightly. A balance of
power is struck, and the nationalities
live site by side in harmony. separated
bv a stream OF deep individuality.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25

am told. for example, that must say
'acowsiics' instead of acoustics. I
refuse to- do it. The first promuncia-
lion would knock the best constructed
sentence into disorder. Aud yet Web
>ter says acowstics.' | have been pro-
nouncing paresis as if it were spelled
'pareesis' Here is an excellent author
ity before me which tells me that the
proper pronunciation is par-e-sis, ac-
cent on the first. And so the changes
keep in motion. What a babel we
shall some dav have"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
The Old Boys Are Getting Scarce.

In the United States Court at Dam
vile, Va. an old one-armed Confeder-
ate. who had been found guilty of il
legal distilline and sentenced to one
months imprisonment and fine of
800, appeared before Judge Paul. also
an old Confederate. who said. as he
touched the empty sleeve: Come
back here tomorrow morning aud |
will consider your case We old boys
are getting scarce. and. by thunder!
you cannot 90 to Jail" Both men
wept. aud the case was honorably dis
posed of the next day.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25

The Hindoos believe in seven man
sionS of ali created spirits, the earth
being the lowest of these. while the
seventh and highest is the seat OF
Brahma. The Moslem pilgrimage is
ut last cOnsummated when seven cir
cults have been made round the sacred
stone of Mecca. The astronomers
tell us of seven greater planets. the
alchemists dealt witt seven metals
and we all of Us recognize seven DAYS
in each week.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
Rough on the Gar.

Snooks-"They say the czar will
not allow anybody to speak to him or
come near him, aud he even snubbed
the emperor of Germany
Sturtevant Van Rensselaer-"I don't
see what excuse he has for supercil-
inusness. He is not related to any of
the old Knickerbocker families of New
York, is he?'-IeTaS Slttinqs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25

In 20 years there has been no couu-
terfeting of American postage stamps
England and Ireland together drank
~, 900, 900 gallons more beer than Ger
many last year.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25

Eight years ago H. II. Bowies of
Cherrytield, Me, planted in his garden
a small lowering shrub. Near the
shrub grew greengage and cherry
Tree. Last year the shrub put forth
cherry blossoms. but bore no fruit.
This year it produced luscious fruit of
the greengage variety