The record-union., 1892-07-23
HOFFMAN'S ADVENTURES.
He Is Having a Serious Time Batch
ing" 1t in the Mountains.
Participating in Camp Stew and the
3esuIts-DecIines Membership in
the stockton Limburger Club.
Especial Correspondence Rrconp.ur1or.l


batching at Hardscrabble, place so
called because it is hard place in which
to scrabble around. The word scrabble
is Nevada County foothin lingo for
scramble. When the remark referred to
was made, was thinking seriously of
giving you detailed account Of my ex-
perience as a bachelor for the benefit of
those martyred husbands who banker
for that free and independent sort of ex-
istence which gives one the privilege of
splitting on the floor or going to bed with
his boots on if he wants to, but so many
things have occurred to mar the quiet
monotony of my life within the last six
days that | can only touch briefly upon
each-nay, a few-of them, and fit from
one theme to another, like the gay
and industrious Goblin moth, which L
resemble.
Batching is not, TO me, new expert
ence, my first effort at living alone, do
ing my own baking, chamber work and
millinery, having been made at Boston
Bar, on the Yuba River, dozen years
ago. | went there to hold a claim for q
man who had twins at home and couldn't
hold anything else for sometime. He
was, remember, large fat man with a
very bald head, and the flies annoyed
him immensely until he conceived the
Idea OF painting q huge, hungry looking
spider just over the organ OF Veneration.
/ he spider performed its part of the con-
tract faithfully, and many thousand flies
broke their legs getting away from the
fat mans head after having reckleSSly
plunked themselves down upon it. I
mention this merely because it hoped
INTO my mind and because it may be
used successfully by other care encum-
bered and baldheaded men.
l built my own Shanty at Boston Bar,
and laid up stone chimney, which was
the most remarkable chimney l ever saw
1t was six feet wide at the base, six feet
high and twelve inches in diameter at the
top. L had four dogs and cat with me.
just as lit the fire in the Fireplace for
the first time one of the dogs came in to
warm himself, for it was mighty cold
day, and the draught was so strong that
the poor brute was sucked up the fiue
and dropped outside. AS he went UP the
other dogs came in, and up they went
one after the other. When they fell to
the ground outside they were frightened,
and ran into the cabin again, only to be
Whisked up the chimney as before, and
for an hour there was continual stream
OF dogs, with the hair all singed of, run
ming into the cabin and flying out of the
chimney. This sort of thing would have
continued until the fire had burned itself
out, but the old cat, which was sitting on
the hearth warming herself, got tired Of
the circus and sailed into the dogs and
put them to flight. [ used to sit in front
the fire after that and let the draft pull off
my boots. The chimney has fallen down
now, but some of the stones that COM
posed it are there yet.
1t was in this cabin that I made nv
first batch Of biscuits. 1t was dozen
years ago, but some of those biscuits are
there unto this day. Ages hence | shall
not be surprised If l see them in various
museums, labeled as bread found at
Pompeii, teeth of mastodon unearthed in
Death Valley, or cannon balls from the
siege of Jerusalem. Forever and for
ever, as long as the river flows, as long
as the heart has passions, as long as life
has woes, those biscuits will resist the
tooth Of time and the hammer of the
United States Geological Surveyor.
That, however, was a dozen years ago.
can now make real NICE light, whole
some bread, do my own washing and
embroider my own hose. There are very
few of the mysteries of housekeeping
which have not mastered. Looking at
me as | whet the butcher knife on the
stovepipe, or draw it carelessly across nv
leg to remove the shreds of bacon which
may adhere to it, or give the elastic
dough scientific upper-cut that knocks
it silly and shakes the house-lookinp AT
me at such times, | say. one would i'm
aglne that am careless and untidy, and
not anxious TO keep up the dignity of
the profession. But it is not so. / am
very proud of my culinary skill, and
often go into the kitchen in the middle of
the night to see whether or no the dish
rag has escaped from its peg and is drag
glng itself around on the floor under the
stove.
l may differ somewhat from the popu-
lar heather Chinese chef, not having a
tail to switch at the flies, but can get up
a meal with short notice that can, if the
sign is right, be eaten and digested if suf-
icient time is allowed. My favorite dish,
however, is stew, and if any careful. am
bilious wife whose husband is always
telling about his mothers skill as a cook
will write to me, sending two stamps, one
for reply and the other as a souvenir. |
VIII forward my famous recipe at once.
have always believed that the human
race does not eat steWS enough. AS a
general thing, find that people who have
weak stomachs eat about two-thirds of
their meat fried or baked hard | have
tried to avoid fried food, and have con
fined myself to stews, as L believe can
III this way live to be very old. So far
friends inform me that [ am aging fast.
a stew is not an easy thing to build. It
requires great skill and steWdious aDDli-
cation, with strict attention to details TO
concoct and successfully terminate A good
stew. 1t is stew bad, but it is a fact that
not one woman in thousand knows how
to make good stew. Among the men
1oiks, VINO know everything, almost, not
one in ten billions. What | know about
stews has been acquired by long years Of
patient research and daring experiments.
some of which were fatal, but the final
results are worth more TO the world than
the half dozen pallid stomach-and-liver
ridden men who slid under my table and
died in great agony in those days when I
was testing the havoring qualities of
l1mpSon, snakeroot, night-shade kidney
weed and wild parsnips. This reminds
me thai l received letter week ago
from the Secretary of the Stockton Linn
burger Club, requesting me to allow that
to place my name upon It's
roll as an honorary member Accom-
panying the letter was prospectus. or
something OF that sort, which states that
the object of S. l.. G. is to DESTROY and
totally annihilate, in it's members. that
fell disease dyspepsia. To accomplish
this the members meet each evening in a
cellar several miles from the citv. and
eat heartily of Limburger cheese, partak-
ing of no fluids until the racy Dutch COM
pound has been digested. Just how many
sleeps elapse before this occurs the Secre-
tary of S. l.. G.. did not inform me, nor is
it set down in the prospectus.
have declined with thanks. [ am not
a dyspeptic, and even if L were, the rem
edy hit upon by the Stockton sayants
would not entice me very far out of a
livery stable on glad spring day when
the small birds they do sing. My fathers
grandfather's grandfather owned Linn
burger cheese factory, once upon a time.
and was SO proud of it that he had q
blacksmith make him a coat-of-arms,
bearing picture OF guide-post. or
sign board, with the inscription. stTen