The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1892-10-07
BERlAH. PODGE'S PRAYER.
Boston Investigator.

Beriah POdge was as full of supersti-
ton as YOU could crowd into an Mnedu-
Gated head; and, you know, the less
education the more superstition. But,
unlike most people, Berlah's super
stition did not inspire faith in him at all
times-in fact, most of the time Beriah
was doubtful Of everything.
By-and-by, Berlah was converted at a
methodist revival and after wrestling In
an imaginary mental tussle with the
Lord for two weeks, he was pronounced
"blest." Berlah did not feel certain
about 1t himself, but tho leading men
In tho tussle told him IL was alright,
and Beriah thought they ought to know,
as they had been professional wrestlers
for many years.
One night they called on Beriah to
lead in prayer, but he said he didn't
know what to say, or how to say 1t.
Just got down upon your knees and
open your mouth" said one OF the eld-
ers, encouragingly, "and the Lord will
put the words in your mouth"
And Ill dare say whatever the lord
puts in my mouth eh?" inquired Bcriah.
'Just leave it all to the Lord-he'n
put words in your mouth that will even
surprise you" replied the elder In u
burst of enthusiasm.
"Well, on these conditions I'll tackle
the job" said Berlah, and the next time
they called on him to lead in prayer he
got down upon his knees and surprised
the members with the following prayer:
Oh! Lord, they told me you would
put prayer in my mouth II | would get
down and open up my meat traps, and
here she is, wide open like rat trap.
Q, Lord, they feline you created every
thing out Of nuthin-what did you Gre
ate me forY And such a name as you
gave me, too! What business had any
body to give me the outlandish name Of
Beriah Podgep I'd duced site rather
been called Timothy, or Conrad, or
Hiram, or Josiah, or Joab, Isreal,
Malachi, or Zebedee-I would begun.
80, Lord, you created old Deacon
Opodlldoc to possess all the good land
around here, and boss everybody about,
and then you took a piece of the same
n0thin' and created me, to work for old
Opodildoc for seventy five cents day,
and take -four and smoked fowl for pay.
Why didn't you create me for q better
purpose? like good things as well as
old Opodildoc likes 'em, and ! can't see
why you created him to gobblo 'em all,
and created me to live on scraps. Now,
Lord, there's the old deacon, and he
owns six big farms, and he can't pay
any more than six shillings day to his
help, cause he says the farms must pay
six per cent interest on the money he
has got invested in 'em. o, Lord does
he include the money he has invested
In brussels carpet, and in the eight
hundred dollar piano, and fifteen hun
dred dollar trottin' horse, and the ex-
pense OF his wife's trip to Europe, and
his daughters education in Paris, and
his sons extravaganza in New York,
and the money tho old codger lost In
Wall Street; that is does he want the
farms to pay six per cent on all these
OUTLAWS Of spondoolix?
SO, lord, If you created me to be
slave for old Opodildoc, hadn't you
durn sight better left me unCreatedP /
didn't ask you to create me, and |
hadn't done single thing to make you
nod ut me, and why did you create me
to just work and slave all the time, and
git no fun, while such people as the old
deacon here have gobs Of fun and small
beer, and don't have to work at all?
80, Lord, can't sometimes see why
you create so many people to be poor
all the time and then create a few to
own all the good things in this world.
When you made me out Of nuthin', and
sent me down here to be called Beriah
Podge, there wasn't a sizzled thing In
this world / could call my own. Some
body had been ahead Of me, and had
even been ahead ofmy dad, and claimed
everything but the air and water, and l
s'pOse II the air and water wasn't such
a great thing to leak out, they'd buy
that up and keep 1t to sell.
"Mebby o Lord you sent me to the
wrong world, cause you wouldn't be so
cruel as to sendme into world willing
ly, where everything had been gObbled
up before got here. II this Is not true
If you sent me here to git share Of
the world, and Ldon't git It, why don't
you hustle around and make some Of
these big hogs fork over2 What right
had you to make me slave, II you have
really made the blue-bl0oded people?
Why don't you serve us alike? When
you made toads or snails or grass
hoppers, you give them privileges to 90
just where they please. You don't Gre
ate one toad to own everything, and the
rest to work for him, and you give all
the toads all the world. Seems to me
1t is a dOd durn sight better for poor
man to be toad than human bein',
since you give all the world to a few,
and even give these few the privilege
to make the rest Of us work for 'em.
80, Lord, can't sometimes see into
the business at all. 1t looks to me as
though you had created more durn nui-
sances than good things. Did you ere
ate the murderer, and the burglar, and
lawyers, and members Of corporations
and trusts and humbugs In glneral?
Did you make this a world to work In
with our hands, and then make II a dis
grace for a man or woman to have
coarse, toil-stained hands? II you
didn't, why, then, is 1t disgrace?
Why don't you hustle around and
straighten things up? DO you care
more for us than you care for tOads and
frogs and snails and SIGH things? II
you don't,-what's the use Of us a
prayin' and"
Here the preacher thought to drown
out Beriah's voice by starting lively
hymn, and the congregation all Joined
in, but Beriah only held his wind until
they ceased, and then started in again
in louder key;