The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1892-06-26
CHOOSING A HEROINE.
Copyright, 1892, by Jerome K. Jerome.

heroine. Brown wanted her ugly
Browns chief ambition in life is to be
original, and his method of obtaining the
original is to take the unoriginal and Just
turn it round. If Brown were given q
little planet of his own to do as he liked
with he would call day night and summer
winter. He would make ali his men and
women walk on their heads and shake
hands with their feet; his trees would
grow with their roots in the air, and the
old cock would lay all the eggs while the
hens sat on the fence and crowed. Then
be would step back and say: "See what an
original world | have created, entirely my
own ideal"
There are many other people besides
Brown whose notion of originality would
seem to be precisely similar
| know a little girl. the descendant of
long line of politicians. The hereditary
instinct is so strongly developed IN her
that she is almost incapable of thinking
for herself. Instead, she copies in every
thing her elder sister. who takes more
after the mother. If her sister has two
helpings OF rice pudding for supper then
she has two heipings of rice pudding. If
her sister isn't hungry and doesn't want
any supper at all, then she goes to bed
without any supper.
This lack of character in the child
troubles her mother, who is not an admirer
of the political virtues, and one evening,
taking the little one on her lap, she talked
seriously to her.
.'Do try to think for YOURSELF" said she.
Don't always do just what Jessie does;
that's silly. Have an idea of your own
now and then. BE little original"
The child promised she'd try. and went
TO bed thoughtful.
Next morning, for breakfast, dish of
kippers and a dish of Kidneys were placed
on the table side by side. Now the child
loved kippers with an affection that
amounted almost to passion, while she
loathed kidneys more than powders. 1t
was the one subject on which she did know
her own mind.
"A kidney or kipper for you. Jessie ?"
asked her mother, addressing the elder
child first.
Jessie hesitated for moment, while her
sister sat regarding her in an agony of sus-
pense.
"KIpper. please, ma" Jessie answered at
last, and the younger child turned her
head away to hide the tears.
You'll have kipper, of course, Trixy 2"
said the mother, who had noticed nothing.
NO. thank you, ma" said the small
heroine. sitting sob. and speaking in a
dry, treEulous voice, I'm have kid
ney"
''But | thought you couldn't bear kid
neys, exclaimed her mother, surprised.
mo. ma. don't like 'em much"
And you're SO fond of kippersr'
'Yes, ma"
well, then, why On earth don't you
have one?"
Cos Jessie's going to have one, and
you told me To be original" and here the
poor mite, rejecting upon the price her
originality was going to cost her. burst
into tears.
The other three of us refused to sacrifice
ourselves in this manner upon the altar of
Browns originality. We decided to be
content with the customary beautiful girl.
Good or bad 2" queried Brown.
bad" responded MacShaugnassy,
emphatically. What do you cay, Jeph-
SOM
Well" replied Jephson, taking the
pipe from between his lips and speaking
in that soothing, melancholy tone of voice
that he never varies. whether telling a
joke about a wedding or an anecdote relat-
ing to a funeral. mot altogether bad. Bad
with good instincts. the good instincts
well under control"
Il wonder why ii is" murmured Brown,
relatively. THAT bad people are so much
more interesting than good.
IL don't think the reason is very difficult
10 find" answered Jephson. There's
more uncertainty about them. They keep
you more on the alert. LIS like the differ
ence between riding weil-broken,
steady-going cob and lively
young colt with ideas of his
own. The one is comfortable TO
travel with. but the other provides you
with more exercise. Ii you start OFT with
athorough.y good woman for your hero
Inc YOU give your story away in the first
chapter Everybody knows precisely how
she Viii behave under every conceivable
combination of circumstances in which
you can place her. On every occasion she
Will do the same ihing-that Il, the right
thing.
With bad heroine. on the other hand
You can never he quite sure what is going
10 happen. out OF the nifty or 50 courses
open - her She may take the right one.
or she NAV take one of the torty-nine
wrong ones. and you watch her with curl
osity TO see which II will be.
"but surely there are plenty OF good
NJ lutervaIs-Nheu they do something
wrong" answered Jephson, dryiy. "A
cons silently irreproachabie heroine Is IS
Irritating 10 the average reader as Socrates
must have been TO Nantlppe. or as the
model boy al school is 10 sll the other lads.
lax tie stock heroine of the eighteenth
century romance. She never met her
lover except for the purpose of telling HIM
tina, she could neve. be MS, and she gem
orally wcpt steadily throughout the inter-
NeW. She never forgot 10 turn pale at The
s!ebt 81 blood, or to faint IN has arms
Al the most inconvenient moment posi-
BE. Size was determined never II marry
without her fathers consent, and was
equally resolved never TO marry anybody
but tie one particular person she vas con-
WINGED ne would never agree 10 her marry
ing She Ms an excellent young woman,
and nearly a. uniuteresung as celebrity
q; home"
All, but you're not talking about good
women uow, / observed. You re talk
ing about some silly persons idea OF a
good woman"
Il quite admit It," replied Jephson
Nor, indeed, am | prepared TO say what