Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1892-05-19

~ n useless thin
whose presence was tolerated becaus,
II could not be avoided. On one occa
sion when was quite small, and whci
was worse discouraged than usual,
asked my father II he didn't wish wal
a kitten, and when he asked why
thought he should wish that, ! said
because then you could drown me lil,,
they do kittens and get me out Of th,
way" ] really felt then that IL woult
surely be great relief Ia my people Il
should die, or get drowned, or break
my neck; and frequently wished IN
all earnestness, that some such circum
stance would happen TO me.
never was n favorite with anybody,
and never could make friends why
such was the fact was never able "a
understand. I'm sure tried 10 please
everyone with whom came In contact,
and exertcd myself TO the utmost 10
gain their good will. was docilc, kind
and obliging 10 n fault, and more self.
sacrificing creature | am certain never
lived. made II the great study Of my
whole youth % devise ways and means
for pleasing others, and would nj any
time gladly Inconvenience myself II by
so doing ! could serve the interest OF
some one else.
Yet, with all my sclf.sncrifice and
all my willingness TO favor others, |
remained friendless and unlovcd. Tho
favors rendered people were accepted
as matter OF course, and ! verify be-
lieve that II had given up my head to
save the life Of any one of the people
knew, would not even MS much rs
have been thanked for my pains Those
who would have known Of the sacrifice
might, perhaps, have thought | had
done very well, but I'm sure the act
would have created no serions comment
In my efforts 10 please. TO make friends
and TO win words Of praise failed com
pletely, and In spite Of all could do
was made 10 feel more and more pain
fully rs the years went by my utter
uselessness In the world.
II my mother had lived II would nil
have been different should have had
one friend, at least, and what comfort
that would have been In my loneliness
and isolationl What world OF happi.
ness ] should have found In a mothers
lovei Then, perhaps, she might have
caused others TO love me. | used 10
think Of that when was uncommonly
depressed and sad, and many long night
hours lay awake In my dark garnet
loft weeping for the loss OF one | had
never hnown-my mother.
loved my father m spite Of his neg
lect OF me, and tried in every way to
make him understand my feelings, hop
ing to win some expression OF love from
him. When was just little "tot" !
watched for him when he came homo
ut evening, and often, when | could
muster up sufficient courage, stole up
TO him and kissed him, then shrnnk
away feeling that ! had committed n
grave ofense. do not think my father
was pleased with such attentions from
me, for while he never openly resented
II, his face would take ON frown, and
he would shrug his shoulders in such n
way as TO make me feel that he would
rather have me stay away from him.
My father had married again soon
after my mothers death, and he had
second daughter two years younger
than |. My sister was very pretty
child, at least every one said she was,
and my father was exceedingly fond Of
her. Sometimes, sitting unnoticed in
corner OF the room, | watched him us
he fondled and caresscd her, playing
with her curls or gently tweaking her
ears, and wondered then what could
do to win such attentions to myself.
Once or twice ! left my corner and,
stealing forth, attempted TO seat myself
ON my fathers other knee In the hope of
sharing his attentions with my sister, but
he pushed mo away from him, and
skunk back to my seat with deeply
wounded heart, feeling tinge of jcal.
ousy Of the favored child.
| don't think my father could have
ever felt much love for my mother
Such, at least, was the impression |
gained MS ! grew up. never heard
MIN speak OF her, and II anyone men
TONED her name in his presence II
seemed TO disquict him. 1t appeared TO
me that any remembrance OF her was
extremely unpleasant TO him, though
why II should he was unable TO com
prchend, for I'm sure she was a most
excellent woman and loving wife. Such
was the impression gained of her from
our old colored cook, Aunt Mary, who
had known her from childhood up TO the
day Of her death.
"Dar neber libed n better oman an
what yo' ma was" Aunt Mary said 10
me time and again, IAN der nebcr will
lib better oman II dc worl' STAINS n
millyun y'ahs. She was de lsindes
hearted an de best-natured creatur cher
knowed, an II cher der was a Chris
tian pusson on dis yearth she was dat
pusson."
AS grew up tried TO discover from
Aunt Mary some information regarding
my mothers married life, but on that
point she was singulprly reticent. She
was ready at all times 10 sing the
praises of "Misses Marg'et," but not a
word had she TO say regarding her mar
riage TO my father and the short life
they lived together Once when | per-
severingly pressed her for an answer
TO the question, whether or not my
mother was happy wife, she said:
"Taint dc place OBJ a ole no count
'AA''1~h liza ma IN 10 tellla' tales an