davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

Hicks was about % cas-. TIE young
after him when the train began 10 back
and the conductor appeared with telc-
Cram and arrested him. And then all
the passengers fell upon Hicks, figur-
atively speaking, and dashed him with
eleven tongues
And when they reached the junction
three deputy sheri1fs bounced upon
Hicks and would have beaten his brains
ont had not the tall, Caunt woman got
ahead Of them and scratched a map ~
Kemtchatka on his countcnancc. And
seven men stood ready with ropes, and
the mob cried aloud that he be
lynched for kidnapping. Bat the depu-
ties saved his life and got their pay in
full in satisfaction by beating him all
the way To- the jail. where he lay ell
day and ali night because the mlgis-
trate had gone To Onderdonkvilie 20
make q Fourth Of July speech.
And Hicks was interviewed 10y re-
porters and insulted 10y the rabblc and
swindled out Of his supper 10y tramp,
who snored all night like lost soul
and picked Hicks pocket as they were
being taken before the magistrate upon
the morrow.
And the magistrate, being n sage Of
remarkable width between the eyes,
discharged Hicks with a solemn warn
ing, and Hicks rode home in box ear,
a sadder and wiser man because 81 his
quiet Fourth. TOW T.. MORGAN.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

hidden away i'm an old teapot on the top
shelf of the pantry. We had no PROPOSE
tion to make. We are straight business.
The drop from $4,000 to SsSS6.s0 was little
too much for us
Nor THE MAN.-Our horse editor. who Is
an impetuous young journalist from the
east, published an item during our absence
last week which severely reflected on the
social standing Of our esteemed fellow
townsman, Captain John Tarbell. The
item stated that he had skipped town TO
avoid being arrested on an old warrant
charging him with killing "A man in Penn
sylvania Our horse editor can't remem-
Der from whom he got his facts. He is a
very energetic young man, and meets so
many people in the course of the day that
he can't always stop TO remember which
one related this or that item OF news.
We now beg 10 humbly announce that a
great injustice was done the gallant cap
tain He never killed man in Pennsyl-
vania, and instead of jumping the town he
was playing poker in the Red star saloon
when the paper was issued He was all
ready to come to the Office and shoot our
horse editor when friends advised him 20
await our return. We are very sorry that
such an error should have crept into our
columns. The captain bit mans nose off
at Prescott three years ago, and he killed
some sort Of Indian or other over on the
Little Colorado river last fall, but he was
never in Pennsylvania in his life. We hope
this apology will be accepted in the spirit
rendered and place him right before the
public.
We are trying to give a sort of Twentieth
century flavor to our paper by employing
eastern journalists who happen along. but
we confess TO being somewhat discouraged.
They don exactly grasp the western situa
ton with both hands There is a certain
chic to this climate only to be understood
by "a journalist who has been shot az about
a dozen times
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

Chicago, who was after a collection OF in
sects, and ran him seven miles before they
discovered their error. The boys needn't
make any mistakes in future. Clinch val
ley is beautiful spot, but il is not for us.
We don't propose to put our valuable neck
in moose. As mayor of this town we are
too much for the cowboys when they come
~ loaded for bar. Should we visit Clinch
valley they would be too much for us. We
are satisfied to stay right here. We know
a good thing when we see il.
ONLY 4 RUNoR. Last week, while this
paper was temporarily left in charge of the
horse editor, he inserted an item to the
effect that we had gone over TO Phoenix to
capture a $4,000 widow. We beg to an
nounce that our horse editor was wrong
The $4,000 widow turned out to be a plain
everyday widow, with less than 500
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

Il LOVED you UNTIL SAW YOUR MOTHER"
Thumpl thumpl thump! goes her maid
emily heart, and she turns away that he may
not see the glad light in her lilac eyes.
My confession is this" he goes on as he
keeps his eyes on a swallow fitting about
in the evening sky. IL loved you until
saw your mother. Then all my love went
out to her We have agreed to elope to-
gether this night. have come to ask you
TO be good girl and stay home and keep
house for your poor father while we are
gene. Console him all you can. Tell him
il was inevitable. BE a comfort 10 him,
and don't forget that o'clock in the after
noon is his hour for taking root beer
Farewell, Isabel Later on may give your
mother the shake and return for you, but
until then ia! ta!"
And as he went forth into the cleaning
she sat there SPECIFICS statue. She had
the paper on her lap. and her downcast
eyes seemed to be perusing the lines:
WIN young lady wearing gray macintosh,
who got on the horse car at Van Buren, street
and got of at Franklin street about %. m.
yesterday, and who noticed gentleman sitting
opposite, please send her address,
PRUDENCE.
I say they seemed TO read. AS a matter
Of fact they did not see the words They
could not. The cruel blow had killed her
deader than a door nail, and the funeral
cost the old man ninety-two dollars. even
in that cheap town.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
LOVES YOUNG DREAM
BEING AN ACCOUNT OF THE DEATH
or ISABEL.
while She Read with Indifferent Eye
the Daily Paper Her Young Heart
Was All Awake with Yearning. but,
Alas! He Was Not for Her.
ICoprright. lsas, by Charlss B. Lewis.l

copyright, 1892 by Charles b. Lewis.l
She sat on the piazza of her fathers man
sion just at sunset with newspaper In hei
hand She thought il would look NOR,
careless when Livingstone came up the
graveled walk--more as If she didn't
care a continental cooked hat whether he
came or not. And yet she did care. She
had learned TO love the artist with his
dark hair and eyes of Al lampblack hue,
and that evening she was determined "a
know her fate. The lower half Of the
United States sun had dropped behind
Showers hill when she lowered her eyes "a
the paper and read:
cure fits. When | say cure do not mean
merely TO stop them for time and then have
them return again. mean a radical cure.
A step on the gravel Her heart gave a
jump as she raised her eyes. II was not
Livingstone, with his ardent smile and
patent leather shoes, but the hired man
starting for town to buy mackerel for
breakfast She cast u glance about her,
and then her doclike eyes sought the paper
again:
Nothing has ever been produced to equal or
compare with It curative and healing ap-
plication. 1t has been used over forty years
and always affords relief and always gives sat
isfaction.
Sh. She hears the creaking Of the front
gate, and she assumes that incident de-
meanor which she knows matches the color
OF her hair 80 well Meanwhile the sun
has quit work for the day IL was not
Livingstone after all, but neighbor's boy,
who had come to inquire If they wanted
any cats killed on or grass cut. Why does
be linger 20 delay phe stares into the
purple west for Il moment like one dream
ing and then reads a-;iu
Mems unlaupdercd shirts. three ply linen
bosom. re enforced ...t~. i. eli made and nicely
finished: price, for; y-,cycu cents.
She is net chain lightning reader. She
has been Eve minutes on the paragraph
when the old familiar step falls on her
ears and Livingstone stands before her.
She looks up with a. wiu~Ome smile, but it
is not returned Ills face is clouded. and
there il a new pimple on his nose.
Isabel %" h,s gins ia low voice.
She does not speak She thinks it better
10 appear totally indifferent to his presence
for about seven minutes. Therefore, while
his heart is breaking she turns the paper
over and reads:
Heart disease is by far the most frequent
cause of sudden death, which in three out OF
four cases !, unsupported. The symptoms are
not generally understood These are habit
OF lying on the right side, short breath, pain
or distress in side, back or shoulder, irregular
pulse, asthma, weak and hungry spells, swell
ling OF ankles or dropsy, oppression, dry cough
and smotheriDs.
The seven minutes now having expired
she looks up and mods for him to ring two
bells and go ahead.
Isabel, do not wish to take up Your
valuable time, " he says in a soft. melodious
voice, but have confession to make"
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

Frederick-What's the mattah, Chollyi
You look bothered.
Cholly-I am, me boy-twoubled.
"Ovah what"
why, don't you know | have just
been chatting to Miss DeTrop for an houak
or so, feeling deyvlish blue, don't ye know.
just awftah a little silence, ye know,
said, Don't you know me thoughts are
very painful, Miss DeTropr She looked
up and said, Il have always found them
So And now, by Jove, what did she meau
by that nowf"-Chicago News Record.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

\ north country Scotch boy had dislo-
Gated his leg, aud was taken by his mother
70 bone setter" in whom she had great
faith. The leg was duly examined, and IL
was found necessary TO haul it very severely
in order, as the bone setter said Ito get
the bone in" The lad was liberal with his
screams while this was going on, but event
ually the bone was got in," and the pa
tient was told that he would be all right in
a few days.
Didn't Davie do the thing welli" said
the joyous mother.
Aye, he did, mither," answered the lad,
but | wisna sic fule as tae gle him ma
sair leg.n
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

Though slightly mixed. he was so
thoroughly i'm earnest that he said
"E'Cad." several times during his dis
course, and when Mr. Hicks said
"E'Vad"' he meant IL. After considera-
Die discussion. il was decided that while
his wife spent the Fourth in the city
with her sister he would HE him 70 the
shady fastness Of Shagbarll county and
peacefully fish the day away.
The journey thither. which began at
: a. m, was an entirely Incventful one.
except for slight eruption resultant
upon his compliance with the request Of
n tall, caunt woman that he hold her
baby while she procured q cup of tea at
the lunch counter at Catamount juno
ton. Mr.. Hicks reads the newspapers.
lie also thinks. And when he saw
from the car window the tall. gaunt
woman rush out of the door at the op-
posite side Of the lunch room and just
manage - swing on u The tail end Of
the west-bound train which had stood
on the other track, he realized how be
been duped.
The sight ot a blushing, wild-eyed
man jumping about like q toad on a
hot skillet and holding wrong end up a
baby which sang war songs in the
Siwash language moved Hicks fellow
passengers 20 indulge in loud and
resonant horse-laughs. They also re-
minced him In one voice that the game
was older than the hills and that suck
ers were plentiful that year. In frenzy,
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
BROTHER GARDNER ON HONESTY
The World Has No Use for "A Strictly
Honest Man.

The World Has No Use Tor "A Strictly
Honest Man.
MY frens," said Brother Gardner after
the regular meeting of the Limekiln club
had been duly opened, Deacon Simmons,
OF dis club, was ober 10 my house last
night. He cum ober 10 complain TO me
dat Waydown Bebee, also of dis club, had
dun got de best of him on trade. Brud-
der Bebee had traded him a mewl fur q
shotgun, banjo, dawg an a dream
book. Dat mewl 'peared to be full o. biz
ness while de trade was gwine on-prancin
around wild bis head way up in de air an
his heels fiyin out at ebeything-but de
deacon had skassly toted him home when
he sorter collapsed an fell down, an de last
report was to de effect dat his hours war
numbered.
II want TO take advantage of dis occa-
shun TO say few words to go on de sub
jet of honesty. a good many Vars ago
dar was a strictly honest man. He begun
life wild a determinashun TO do de squar'
thing under all circumstances He had a
cash capital Of S25,O 600 an lots o. faith in
human natur'. He planted watermillyons
and didn't hire nobody to watch de patch.
He kept chickens an didn't hey no lock on
de doah. He lent money an didn't ak fur
no |. o. u. Iie signed bonds an notes an
didn't require no security. If he bought a
mewl he took de owners word for it; if he
sold one he conscientiously pinted out de
ringbones an spavins an owned up dat de
beast was gwine ON twenty vars ole. My
dear frens, how long do yo' reckon dat
man lasted' In jest nine Vars he was in
de porehouse, an he neber done got out
agin 1t was an experiment. All de rest
of de kentry was watchin him TO see how
de experiment would pan out. 1t was a
dead failure an solemn warnin.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

An ice wagon serves 50 customers in
the course Of day Each family should
receive Is pounds OF ice. but owing to the
nearsightedness Of the driver the average
weight is only 10. How much does the
wagon gain in one day, and why is il that
the nearsighted collector never takes a
three cent piece for dinner
If one man with lawn mower can arou Sc
IS people from sleep at q o'clock in the
morning, how many could men with lawn
mowers arouse If they tried their level
best'
1t takes district messenger boy IS min
utes to travel li0 yards while ON business
for the company, but only when on his
way home What is his speed per hour in
each caseS What is the per cent. compared
to chain lightningy
\ has the sum OF Sl2 in his pocket, when
b gives him "A pointer on the races by
which he can win 1879 times his capital.
What did the sum total amount TO, and
why was it tAat \ had TO borrow nickel
to get home ony
BY adding quarts and gill Of water TO
his stock, milkman brings the total
amount up to quarts and gills, and
swears by the bones OF his ancestors that
it is the pure quill How much milk did
he have in the first placer
a and B buy q lottery ticket, costing 81
in partnership. \ contributes 500 and
b contributes SEQ. In case the ticket
draws 5000, what share will each one
take' Needn't be in any hurry to work
this out.
\ farmer hus5 miles 20 drive. lie figures
that while lac is driving mile his hired
man ought ~ hoe rows OF corn acros, a Z
acre lot lie gets home u GHd that only
rows have been hoed in all What was the
average per mile, and how long was the
hired man roasting on the fencey
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Editor Corrects Il Wrong Statement
and Keeps Up His End.

DISASTROUS CoNFLAGRATION. - Friday
night at about IL o'clock we were aroused
from our slumbers by the fearful cry of
"Firep uttered by voice which evident
ly belonged to baldheaded, bowlegged,
cantankerous old critter On reaching
the street we discovered the office of our
contemporary in flames, while the alleged
editor thereof was dancing around on the
sidewalk and acting like crazy man.
The lurid tongues were lighting up the
heavens for miles around, and the demon
Of destruction was about TO be let loose
on the town, when we found pail of wa
ter and dashed in and squelched the SER
pent tongues forever Investigation proved
that the alleged editor of the so called
weekly started the cOnflagratiOn by upset
ting lighted candle on his straw bed
The damage was next day estimated by
an insurance agent at only 81 II, but it was
nevertheless disastrous fire and heavy
loss for plant worth only about four dol
lars, all told. But for our prompt presence
and reckless disregard of danger our es-
teemed would today be a beggar. His pa
per will probably come out next week as
usual, though there is not the slightest
reason ON earth why it should. We have
been severely criticised for putting out the
fire, and we feel that we owe the people
hereabout an abject apology.
SOLD AGAIN.-Sunday morning last some
of the Clinch valley cowboys heard that
we were over that way on "a visit to Colonel
Brill, and about twenty Of them laid for
us. They got sight OF naturalist from
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
How He Got Out of 1t.

They We're having little conjugal argu-
ment about the fondness Of women for cos
metics, when he thought TO clinch the
argument by exclaiming, Angels never
paint" Perhaps not" she calmly re-
piled, but all the same you never saw an
angel that wasn't painted" And the only
way he could get out of it was by declar-
ing that she was an angel, which com
PEELED her TO admit that he had seen at
least one Imprinted angeL-New York
Tribune.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

sticks yo w'd a plugged coin yo' am ex-
pected to pass IL off ON a street kyar con-
ductor. De tax assessor expects 20 to pre-
varicate. De gas man fggers dat yo will
turn on all de burners Il de meter gifts
outer order If yo' fail in bizness yo'r cred
itors am prepared to admire lie leetle
scheme by which yo' beat EN-. We am all
honest mp 20 lOwwater mark; arter dat
doan' give odds on nobody.
Deacon Simmons pears to feel IL mo-
beSase he an Brudder Bebee belong to de
same club, an he reckons dcir orter be a
fraternal feelin. So DER orter, hut all fra
ternal feelin melts away when yo' swap
watches or trade nevis. am deacon in
achurch but do yo' reckon I'd lend one Of de
odder deacons two dollars widout had Sc
curity fur five dollars? l'ze bin libin right
'longsde Of preacher fur nigh onto ten
vars but would swap watches wild h I'M
onless looked To see il he hadn't taken out
some Of de wheels As said befo'. be hon
est up 10 a Sartin pint. AFTER dat all men
expect yo' to take keer of yo'rself. Dat
mewl will no doubt die on de deacon's
hands, an while he will be 'leven dollars
outer pocket, he will hev gained twenty
two dollars wort of experience. Let us
now attack de liar bizness OF de
meetin y
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

Rivers-They say Old Gulper has made
an assignment.
Banks-Yes. And he forgot to record
the deed TO the property he made over to
his wife last mouth. Everything will have
TO go. For a man Of his experience it was
an awful bad break.-Chicago Tribune.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
Too Soon.

Rosamond-Oh, dear! What n wretched
memory havel There's my dentists APP
pointment this afternoon, and I've just re-
membered i'll
Gertrude-Well, | don't see but what
you've thought of il in time.
Rosamond-That's just it; didn't want
to remember it till tomorrow.-Harv
LampOon
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
The Acme of Bliss.

Cholly-My bwother is in luck. He's got
place as floor walkah in a dry goods
store. He is there sixteen hours a day.
Awther-I cawn't see the luck.
Cholly-You cawn'ti Why, his pawnts
can nevah bag at the knees.-New York
Weekly
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

Fangle-Freddy, ! heard that you
tied a pack Of crackers 10 a dogs tail
and touched it of.
Freddy-Yes, sir. No one was paying
any attention % the poor dog, and l
wanted him to enjoy the Fourth, too
Indrc.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
Guarantrcd.

She-I want TO get something 70
amuse my little boy with on the Fourth.
Clerk-Yes, madam. What do you
think of this pretty little toy pistol?
She (anxiously)-Am perfectly safe
in getting it?
Clerl-Perfectly so, madam. II will
kill only the boy.-Life.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
Ontnous.

Glow do you intend TO observe the
Fourth?" asked Van Cleef of his wife.
IL intend 20 observe IL by declaring
my independence" replied Mrs. Van
elect Puck.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
Boy Philosophy.

There, | told you, Johnnie, that you
would burn yourself with those fire
crackers"
IL don't care, ma. 1t was the last
one!'-Puck.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

IL suppose" said the doctor. as he
carefully bound up the stump of Sam
my's amputated arm, THAT you will not
shoot of toy cannons on the next
Fourth?"
why not?" replied Sammy. II have
one arm left yet."-Jury.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
AnInseInsh BOY.

Tommy" said Mrs. Glim, you
should not shoot your firecrackers in
the house"
But want you tc enjoy them too,
mamma" replied the thoughtful boy
Jury.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01
HICKS QUIET FOURTH.
A Howllng success In One Way, and Yet
Dismal Failure.

Y DEAR" said
lshamG @. Hicks,
thrusting out
his chest, 1.-The
popular obscr-
walton of the
nations natal
day 10y letting
off loud noises,
Chinese crack.
ers, hoarSe ora.
tory and other
hideous pyro-
technics is a rel
lie q { barbar-
ISM
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1892-07-01

~ say to yo'," continued the old man, as
he looked down upon the score of bald
heads on the front seats, dat de world has
no use fur "A strictly honest man. If yo' am
in de possofiis doan' steal no letters. If yo'
am in a bank doan' steal no money. Doan'
beat yo'r landlord nor butcher nor grocer.
Doan' rob blind man nor cheat an orphan.
Aside from dat 20 am expected TO take car
of No. one II yo'r mewl has got spavins
trade him of in the night. IL somebody
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-09-07
,,d viii most likelv 'reoeive further at

and will most likely receive further at
tention on due course Of time.
The hotels are not suffering to any
noticeable degree, from the cholera
scare. aud people who have been SUM
meeins outside OF New York City are
returning to their homes, bronzed and
cheerful as il no such unwelcome visitor
as King Cholera was knocking ut our
door.
There is still, however, much work to
be done before New York is reasonably
clean, as the following letters show.
To DC Editor:
The practice Of tenants OF flats throw
ing garbage into vacant lots near their
dwellings seems to invite cholera.
From my windows / can see an almost
steady flight OF such packages from the
rear OF the flats in One Hundred and
Fourteenth street, between Madison
and Fifth avenues, The stuff which
should be burned lies in the sun tester
ing and can scarcely fail 70 breed
disease. HARLEM.
To Editor Herald;
How clean the city is kept is proven
by the presence OF a dead horse since
Friday night in Rivington street, near
Willet. The horse is already swollen to
twice its original size.
Ii. i. EoHSAcKER, NJ. D.