The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1892-03-26
" REAL HUMOR."
But Then It Did Not Seem to BE Duly
Appreciated.

But Then It Did Not Seem to BE Duly
Appreciated.
"Can I stay here and sleep on .
lounge tonight" asked q sad-faccd
young man as he walked into the Press
club last evening and joined a group OF
reporters. I've got to. anyway,
whether l can or not I'm a victim
of the boomerang April-fool joke. 1t
started in like this: ] was just getting
my comfortable second nap this morn
ing when a call came on my door and
the voice Of the landlsdy notified me
that the postman was below with Z
registered letter for which l must give
a receipt in person. Had / been good
and awake I would not have been
caught by such a transparent joke, but
l was just stupid enough to hustle into
a portion of my clothes and tramp
downstairs, where everybody hailed me
with that old chestnut about April
fool
Il went back to my room, sore in
spirit, and kept thinking of a plan
to get even all through the day. By
afternoon / lad the thing all fixed up
and proceeded to work out my plar.
1 went home between five and SIX and
took occasion to nope about for a lit
tie while, making all the folks see me
and notice my guinness. l vas the
very embodiment of woe and would
only respond in monosyllables. Then
l went to my room, took off my coat
and vest and put a streak of red ghast-
ly grease paint across my neck resem-
bling a slash with a razor. In addition
to this l put a red spot on my shirt
front, and then, grasping a razor in my
left hand-the blade clotted with imi-
tation blood-and a revolver in my
right, l fired two blank cartridges, let
a wall out of me, staggered and fell
with a thud to the floor. There l lay,
with the revolver firmly grasped in
my right hand and the razor in my left
In n second l heard feminine
screams and pattering footsteps on the
stairs. Then the landiady and two or
three married women and the servants
broke into my room, saw my blood
stained corpse stretched out On the
floor, and set up an assortment OF
shrieks which made the pictures turn
face to the wall. Then l heard some
means and a woman Topped to the
floor in a faint. More means and an
other Topped. The landlady and her
sister came to me and bent over me
with Mortified ordinations, and the
first thing knew the sister let loose a
little wall and fell across my stomach.
In about a second the landlady herself
sunk in a heap with an arm thrown
across my neck, ~whereupon the servant
girls turned and fled with shrieks.
Il dragged myself from beneath tho
forms of my sympathizers and sat up.
1t was a beautiful sight. Four women
dumped down on the floor regardless
of appearances, some of them with
their noses puncturing the carpet and
some tied in knots. l threw a glassful
of water in each woman's face, and lit
n cigarette and watched 'em come to.
They opened their eyes about the same
time, and pretty soon sat up and looked
about 'em. l watched their faces, and
when l saw that they had about got
their bearings l blitbely remarked:
April fool and rubbed the red grease
paint off my neck with a towel. just
then the servant girls returned with a
and came charging upstairs.
l happened to know him and gave him
a wink, and told him it was a mistake; |
that one of the boys had worked a lit
tie April-fool joke on the folks, and he
ven away. hui the women turned in
and abused me scandalous, and the
landlady ordered me out of the house
once. To escape their wrath ] fled,
and when / sneaked back after supper
found my trunk on the doorstep with a
note tackled to it ordering me not to try
to enter on pain of being murdered in
my bed.
That's why I'm here. When will
the American people learn to appre-
ciatc real humor? That's what / want
to know."-Chicago Mail