The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1892-07-01

at such times occasions 'swelled heads
and breeds fever and ague, beside,
running all the chances OF dryness ir
such an unprotected locality We, ir
the name Of the "Dry Weather Ali
ance," and withour fault and reproach
grant you this guarantee.
We are surrounded by scores ot
friends who are anticipating vast pleas
ures afforded by "matrimonial ali
ances." To those of our friends who
are possessed of such doctrines oil
matrimonial anticipation, in order to
assure them peace and harmony in the
family, we give and bequeath to them
now and forever, more rigid marriage
law, requiring those mistaken souls
who may enter into matrimonial en-
Dezzlement" to refrain from shooting
each other within the first year of their
trial hitch" and also restraining them
from circulating their divorce proceed
ings, SO that the children are not liable
to get possession Of them. All family
squabbles may thus be avoided by this
measure and save them many a dan
gerous athletic performance resulting
in flesh wounds and bone ailments.
Finally, we will and bequeath to our
confident friend Mr.. Buck, whom we
make our sole executor of this our
last will and testament, all the stray
cattle he may chance to find on the
road. a new glass-eyed pony which
will enable him to ride to victory in his
final classical embarrassment, and a
complete work on the Mental and
Financial Pauperism of Present and
Ministerial Giants" and the sum of
one thousand, two hundred and four
teen cents in elastic currency, payable
ninety-nine years after date at the
"Flooded Banks of the Mississippi.
We do hereby swear and utterly dis
allow, revoke. and disannul each and
every other former testaments. wills,
receipt, marriage paper, legacie,
falsltie, bequeast, provoking. and
executor the world over, by us in any
way before named, willed, bequeathei
and squandered, ratifying and confirm
ing this, and no other, to be our last
will and testament.
In witness whereof we have here.
unto finally set our hands and feet. the
way and manner not easily described !;
be 1t well understood, the day and year
named above and below.
SENIOR Glass L. s. n. s.
Signed, sealed, witnessed, published,
pronounced, read and declared by the
said Senior Class as their last will and
sacrifice, IN tile preseace of US, the
witnesses.
BILL NYE.
MARX TWAIN.
CoDICIL.
Be it now known to all men OF pro-
ioundly robust type OF character and
health by these aforesaid presents. we,
the Seniors of Uncle Sans Farm"
(now of B. S. n. S. have made and
declared unto you our last will and
testament, bearing date the soth day
OF June, one thousand eight hundred
nlnety-two; we, the aforesaid Seniors
by this present codicil, do positively
ratify and confirm our said last will
and testament, and do give and be-
queath unto the props" of said Nor
NAL School, all the apothecaries, toilet
fixtures, cracked caranieums, corn.
cobbed ticks, vessels, incorporate de.
Signs, stained collars, scarfs, chemical
explosives, time-served foot wear and
all ornamental fixtures, such as five
cent shirt dosom studs, tooth and gum
powder brushes and breeches" to
match false-teeth and wigs that may
be left behind when we the fore and
oftenbefore said Seniors leave this
stage of mental Annoyance,
Our will and positive understanding
is, that this be adjudged to be part Of
this our only will and testament. and
that all things Visible and invisible)
there in contained and mentioned, in
no respect, as if the same were not so
delivered and set down in this our
first and last will.
Witness my hand and feet the soth
day of June eighteen hundred ninety
two.
SENIOR Glass B. S. N. S.
Signed, sealed, patched, '.blued."
butchered and compounded by the said
Senior class, as codicil to our first
and last will and testament, in the
presence Of us the subscribers.
SAM'L SHYLocK.
WILL WINKLE.
Mrs. MoLL WKITE.
CLASS STATISTICS LULU TWEEDLE.
"Full many gem or purest ray serene
me dark untathomed caves OF ocean bear
run many hover Is born to blush unseen
Ana waste It's sweetness on the desert air.
Fearing lest this sad fate should be-
tall the members of our class. thev de-