Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-01-21

PEELED to be In your company. Texas
Siftings.
Larrs Steaks.
Hungry Guest--How Is this? or
dered steak and poached egg.
see the egg, but not the steak.
Table Attendant-Dat's all right,
sab. De steak am under de egg
Texas Siftings.
Patience No Longer Virtue.
Old Subscriber called TO pay you
that SO owe you.
Editor Qoftily)-There was no
hurry. You needn't deprive yourself.
Old Subscriber-In thatsccaseUdhl
defer it, as really dd'need the
money badly.
Editor (rising)-John, lock the
door, and II he makes break for the
window knock him down with the
mallet. Now shell out that &c.
Atlanta Constitution. ,...,,,,.,,
A Natural Sequence. srt
"Uncle john" said Emily, s@do you
know that baby was fed on eie-
plants milk and gained twenty
pounds week."
"Nonsensep exclaimed Uncle John,
and then asked: Whose baby was it?"
1T was the elephants baby" re-
piled Emily. New Moon.
At the Three Golden Balls.
She-Do you often visit your uncle?
He-No; only in cases Of extreme
necessity.
A Paradox.
Tom-This is dull book.
Jack-But you must admit that 1t
contains good many pointed allus-
ions.
She-Why do you call your cat
Tom?
He (confusedly)- it's
that kind Of cat.
A Prize winner,
An illiterate farmer who wished to
enter some animals at an agricultural
exhibition, wrote as follows to the
secretary: Enter me also for a Jack
ass" And he took the prize-Na-
tional Weekly.
Thoughtful Girl.
Mr.. Callthere-I love you, Mamie;
will you be-
Miss Carefulle-Won't you please
speak little louder, Tom? The
monograph is at the other end of the
room. ~
An Unappreciative Wretch.
you'll be lonely, dear, I'm afraid
while I'm away" said the wife, who
was going on visit to her mother.
"Oh, no." he said, cheerfully.
you'll have nobody to talk to you,"
she said.
"oh, yes" he answered; there's
our parrot"
And she went away so mad that
she forgot to ask il her hat was on
straight. New York Press.
The Pity of II.
First Swell-There goes Miller, the
richest man in town. What pity
the old fellow has no daughter. Don't
you think so?
Second SWELL don't know. Why?
First Swell-Because she would
make such good wife for me.-Texas
Siftings.
Fine Theory.
Tom-Honesty is the best policy.
Jack-Why don't you put that
theory into practice?
His Wife's Relations.
FTiend-If you have so much trou-
BILE with your wife's relations, why do
you live with them?
Hatework = Cause my relations
won't have .us.-New York Weekly.
Too Slow.
Monsieur Calino was ordered by his
physician to take drive of an hour
each day, and having no horse of his
own he called cabman for the pur-
pose.
One day he signaled a cabman and
got in for his daily drive. The horse
started up at a painfully slow gait.
"Hold on!" said Calino to the
driver. Il must get another cab. 1t
would take me all day to ride an hour
with such a plug as that!"-Youth's
Companion.
No Wonderi
Can you tell me where 1 can go to
hear some good singing?" an eager
looking guest asked of the hotel
clerk. Il haven't heard any in ten
years."
"You haven't" exclaimed the clerk.
"Where've you been? Travelling in
African"
mo; I've been on the road with a
comic opera troupe. New York Sun.
He Knew the Thumb-Marixs.
Professor of Palmistry-"Yes, sir,
I claim that / can tell mans profess
sion simply by examining the palm of
his right hand"
Skeptic IAN exchange editor)-
swell, here is my hand, what Is my
professionp"
Professor (after one hasty glance)-
you're tailor sir. Exchange.
-
Armies of Civilized Nations.
The armies of the world, or rather
of the civilized nations, include
5000, 900 men. These men, and al
most as many more who are required
to wait upon them in scme form or
other, are consumers, and not pro-
ducers, Of the worlds supply Of food.