Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-07-05


The man who is the most awk-
ward at saying nice things is usual
ly the most sincere.--Atchison
Globe.
"Bloggs has wonderful ability
for keeping out of trouble" Good
natured?" "No; sprinter. Wash
ington Star
A little learning in a fool, like
scanty powder in a large gun, will
sometimes make considerable noise.
Chicago Globe.
visitor-You have a wonderful
) collection of curious coins. How
did you get them? Parson (dryly) |
Found them in the plate.-Judge.
Miss Flash" What do you think
is woman's hardest trial?" Miss
Dash-"A rainy Sunday when she
has a new hat."-New York Jour
nal.
Yesterday | told Schegelmayer
that his club consisted of block
heads, and to-day | hear that | have
been elected an honorary member"
l-Fliegende Blatter.
Brown-'By the way, is he still
in the land of the living?" Marritt
-"I can hardly say. The last time
heard of him he was in Philadel-
phia." New York Sun.
Every baby is the sweetest baby
in the world. You were once con-
sidered the sweetest thing in the
world, although you may not look
it now.-Y onkers Gazette.
"Why should we say to Satan
Get thee behind me?'" asked the
Sunday school teacher. $50 that
we shall get ahead of him." return
ed the bright boy.-Puck.
Paterfamilias -"Why did you
kiss my daughter against her will,
sirp" Jack-"Well because-don't
you see-she changed her mind too
late. Kate Fields Washington.
"How are you getting on with
your garden, Weedlechick? Did
your seeds come up?" "Oh, yes
they all came up in about two days.
My neighbors keep hens" Grip.
Amy-"Has he ever loved any
other girl before?" Mable-"No;
that doesn't worry me. What |
want to know is if he will love any
other girl in the future. ."-Harper's
Bazaar.
| A Nautical View. Mamma
Don't you know that your father
is the mainstay of the family?"
Freddy-"Golly, amt he though!
And the spanker too" o."-Brooklyn
Life.
First Girl Graduate did
you think of my essay?" Second
Girl Graduate-"Why, Maggie, you
looked just too sweet for anything"
First Girl Graduate-"Oh, you dear"
They embraced on the spot.-Chi-
cago News-Record.
Farmer-"If was as lazy as you
I'd go hang myself in my barn"
Tramp mo, you wouldn't"
Farmer "Why wouldn't II"
Tramp-"Ef you was as lazy as me
you wouldn't have no barn.
Judge.
Mrs. Watts Mary Ann, those
balusters seem always dusty. l was
over to Mrs. Johnsons to-day and
her stair rails are clean and as smooth
as glass" Mary Ann-"Yis, mem.
She has tree shmall boys. Indian
apolis Journal.
Willie's mother had been reading
aloud the poem, I'VE Are Seven,"
and after some reflection he said:
Mamma, it's pity there weren't
two more of them" "Why?"
because then they could have or
ganized a baseball m."-Wash-
ington Star.
Guest-"You advertised that you
had good fishing grounds, and there
amt hogshead of water within
fifty miles," Landlord can't
help that. I've got the grounds,
and if the Lord don't make the wa
ter, it amt my fault" Atlanta
Constitution.
| |
The lately-married one-"I never
heard of such trouble as / have had
with my servants. They are so
stupid" The experienced one
"Don't talk to me. The other day
| sent Patrick out for two egg
plants; he came back with two
hens"-Puck.
Missionary-"Was it liquor that