St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1892-07-16
THE JOKER'S BUDGET
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Read As He Would Talk-RuniOus-
Observation-Disclosures Was Tin
A Sick Boy--Another Version,
Etc., Etc.
READ As HE WOULD TALK.

Etc.. Etc.
READ As he WOULD TALK.
"Now, James, said the school teacher,
remember that the secret OF good read
ing is to read exactly MS you would talk.
Stand up straight aud try to read your
lesson Just rs you would speak it.
James dutifulIv arose. The first sen
tcnce in his lesson was-"Willian,
please to let me take your kite for q few
minutes" James looked at it thought
fully, and then exclaimed: Hi, derc,
Bill. gimme dat kite o yours q minute or
Ill break your face Seo?' And then
he added before the astonished teacher
had time to interrupt-"Dat s de way
III talk it," James teacher has decided
that some now principles OF instruction
are needed in her school,. Buffalo E-x-
press.
Mr.. Grecnbaizo-E!isr religious crus-
SADIE against gambliI.g viii ruin us.
Mr.. Shuttle cs. Whenever deacon
comes in to investigate he always stops
ahead of the game.
Jack She is wonderful girl. She
simply beggars description.
Tom w ell, description has my SYM
pathy. She has beggared me too.
IT WAS "TIN'
A story is told of an Irshman numed
Pat, who came to this country, recen tly.
One day he found round bit of tin,
stamped with the name of a big brewery.
A policeman whom he consulted about it,
told him for Joke that it was five cent
piece So Pat went into saloon and
called for beer He drank it and
showed the piece of tin across tho bar.
The barkeeper pushed it back and said:
"Why, man, tn is tin. And Fat re-
piled: "Faitl and is il tin? thought it
wor five; have glass yourself thin
A SICK BOY.
Teamster-Poor little fellow. | wonder
who he is. He is sick.
Friend-How do you know that boy is
sick?
Teamster-H lie waited on the sidewalk
for the team to pass, instead Of crossing
in front of US Good News.
ANOTHER VERSION.
Teacher of history class(--What is
said to have been the origin of the great
Chicago fire?
Br t Pupil was started by a lady
H. IL
with Kerosene lamp. -Chicago Tribune.
PoMoLnGIcAL.
Tommy Saw you kissing sister Laura,
| did. If you don't gimme nickel I'll
peach.
Laurl's Young man-It is nothing to
me if you do. We intend to pair.
And the small brother felt consider
ably out of plumb indianapolis
\ RISING STATESMAN.
The trouble with this family blub-
bered Johnny as he emerged from the
wood shed immediately after Il brief but
spirited interview with his father. sis
that there too blamed much paternalism
in its form of government" p Chicago
Tribune.
NEGOTIATIONS REOKEN OFF.
Sharpson Old fellow, you are secdy.
1t is time YOU had new suit.
Fhlatz-l know it, but my tailor re-
fuses to-h 'm-to renew the modus
yivendi - Chicago Tribune.
THE SURGEON OF THE DUEL.
A duel is it: Are those two the
principaIs:'
"Ies.'
And the two pacing off tho ground
are the seconds, | presume:
YES"
And the little man with the bag is
the surgeon, SUPPOSE
mo; he is the tailor.
"The tailor
Eyes; in modern dnels the wearing
apparel onl is injured. - \. \. Press.
\ COMMON SOURCE OF CONSOLATION.
"Why, how is this: Two hours ago,
when met you in the street, you were
the most miserable looking man | ever
saw III my lie, YOU were peWalllng your
misfortunes and imagining YOU would
SINK under them; now you are the picture
Of happiness. What has happened
"Nothing much. On y I've Just heard
that my misfor,unes aro nothing com
pared to those which Jones met yester-
day.
TIE HORSE LIKED WOOD.
Stranger >anxiously)-I left my horse
tied here 10 your post and now he's
gone. What has become of him:
MIR. Wayback (rehectivelyl-'l dunno,
for sure; but from the way that horse o
yourn was chawin at my post, shouldn't
wonder if he'd eaten it up an gone off
ter hunt another Good News.
TWO PROFESSIONALS.
Deaf and Dumb Beggar (unexpect-
edly receiving sixpence'--Oh, thankee,
thankee.
Benevolent Passer.- Eth? What does
this mean, sir: You can talk.
Bcggar in confusion Yes, sir.
le see, sir, I'm only holdin' this corner
So, AZ, ,,1nr Ioof and .1umb ,non ,,,b,+