New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1892-04-17
AGAINST AFTERNOON TE4CCPS.
CITIZEN MAKES A PROTEST FOR THE BENEFIt
OF MEN WITH BIG NOSES.


TO the Editor Of The Tribune
Sir: On behalf OF the men Of New York who rejoice
In large noses and large mouths wish to enter q
solemn protest against the present fashion OF afternoon
teacups and souvenir spoons. l cherish the modest
but emphatic hope that these lnqultes have not come
to stay, but merely warts civilization, so to
speak. In the matter OF and mouth 1 myself
am copiously equipped, and In addition am one OF
those unfortunate beings to whom the socially I'M
pleasant IS always happening. II some at party
or evening reception breaks bit OF brlcabrac or
puts his foot through a dress. am the one. II
there Is any salad spilled icecream dripped. am
to be mixed up disc,editably in the scandal.
Last Tuesday called upon friend whose par!os.
like that Of most other fashionable houses is equipped
with teatabe. Left to myself. instinct and sad ex-
penence would have taught me to crowd on all sail
and escape from the vicinity Of that teatabe.
but there Others calling mt the tme including
three ladies, and they turned up the cups. looked at
the trademarks and went into rapures.
ISN'T this beautiful" exclaimed Of them to
me. "Oh. Mr. TeetIes, don't you love this exquisite
china ?"
II do indeed" rciOnei earnestly. while my
whole being protested against such falsehood
At this juncture the teakeic began to sing. and the
hostess asked whether / would have tea choco-
late. Properly should have looked sad and re-
piled that / dvspcptic and could drink neither.
Instead made the first mistake by saying "Choco-
late please" with confident smile. which trust
looked better than It felt 4 moment later
served and looked with interest and trepdation upon
what had received. The china. misnamed a cup.
vas small and fragile affair yellow. and in shape
bugy triangle. 1t reioced In two handles and per.
fecy fat With ii souvenir spoon
OF tho most vicious looking spoons Of the whole
ilfavored tribe. 1t Mexican dollar bowed ont,
with handle OF silver wire that Looked like hatpin
Upon this extraordinary combination looked with
q feeling little les than horror. 1t would never do
merely stand still and hciDpSSy hold
Everybody else was stirring his. must stir also.
But the difficulty Of stirring a scant ounce OF hot
chocolate in a triangular two-handled yellow cup with
a Mexican dollar gloomy for the most sEilfu but
appalling to me. NJ brain began TO leap, when ID
occurred TO me TO gain time by carelcssly finding Q
seat and l nigh. then be able to set down the cup
unnoticCd and leave it. Accordingly found
chair and sat down. That was my Sec
ond mistake The chair was one OF those glib
affairs with spderlke legs calculated to hold thin
child. When not laboring under great excitement I
avoid such furniture.
:" Is your chocolate all right Mr.. Teetles ~ inquired
the hostess sweetly
Delicious" / murmured. realizing that I must
now see the whole mater through. glance showed
me that the Others OF the party We're doing finely.
The fair young woman next to me handled a goddess
OF liberty attached to silver heart II II had been
real spoon. Somewhat rassured | inserted the
Mexican dollar and managed to stir fairly successfully
my rather lap and began to wonder how to
absorb the chocolate successfully At the risk OF
losing my claim TO be Of the world, admit that
never drank out OF a triangle before. l COM
pletely in doubt whether TO apply suction and ex
tract the chocolate from OF the angles or to ex
pand my ample mouth and n whole side OF the
cup.
suddenly It occurred TO that the triangle was q
cscneti,cal figure | had been a careful student at
surely some theorem to Git this
Have yOu been 10 the circus yet!' inquired my
nclghhor Pleasantly.
1.-THE square OF the hypotlcnrse is equal to the
sum the square OF the other two SIDES" mutered.
d" What ?" She asked In surprise.
. said Not this season. answered.
That seemed conclusive. would the hypoth.
cnse. Accordingly selected the largest side OF the
cup and look IL bUad,ide, inserting my nose In the
upper angle. The theory good one. doubtless.
the angle.
think you are slilllDg your chocolate Mr..
Tee les" said my ncghbOr. WAS. Half on the con.
OF the cup escaped my spacious month. arnnged
along the hypotbense. and fell ont OF an angle on my
shirt bosom. Nv agita ion affected the saucer and
spoon on my at;enuatcd lap. The saucer fell to the
floor and the chocolate covered -dollarspoon
found refuge the gilt chair.
70 recount what | further did and said would
humilat. and serve no COCA purpose; But 10
these horrors, Mr.. Editor, every man with large
mouth and nose l. subjected. VIII not The Tribune
there Is one lone In this great city who proposes
10 wage unrcmitting warfare on The afternoon tea
cup absurlty and it, wretched confrcre the souvenir
spoon unt the mouths Of TIE human race are scaoped
or cut on the bias Yours earnestly. ,
New.lorh April II. 1852. SELF PROTECTION.