The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-07-03

Mr.. Nye, these waters do all that we say, and
refer you to the Studebaker Bros. Mr. p. T.
and Mr.. J. NJ. and Mrs Studebaker visited
these waters last week. These waters impart
new vigor, extending years-the marvel of the
age. We hope to grow a new race OF Methuse-
labs. 1t may strike you strangely, but never
theless they are indeed miraculous waters
Kindly consider this matter seriously and ad-
wise US. We shall await your answer anxiously.
Yours, very respectfully,
lsHAM's SAN MIGUEL HAIR RESTORATIVE
WATERS
Per A. ii. IshAm, Manager.
Why l should have been selected to
act as president Of course cannot at
this moment fully understand, but judge
that q, pure life and lovely disposition
have something to do with it. OF course
i have said repeatedly regarding this
matter that my name would not be pre-
sented for the presidency, but vox populi,
vox del, as the Teller says, and this
seems to be case where a man cannot
get out of it.
The San Miguel Baldheaded Insurance
compSny starts out certainly with a
straight and square plan of doing bust
ness. like also this fractional method
of insurance, by which the insured pays
only for what he gets, according to space,
length and location. If you get hair at
top of column-spinal column-next to
gray matter, it of course comes higher
that if grown across the trachea or gills,
and the rate should be more.
We should early adopt and insert in
our policies as many conditions, think,
as possible. No insurance policy locks
very able unless it has good deal Of
minion reading matter in it. will, as
president of the company, attend to this.
For instance, we should have a clause in
the policy stating that it is to be void
and the premium forfeited if any state
ment made in the application is untrue.
An applicant, for instance, might state
that he lost his hair from fright, whereas
he may not have had any hair at all in
the first place, or it may have been
scalded off by some one and the follicles
killed. We cannot agree to resuscitate
follicles that have been cooked.
Second-We cannot afford to replace
hair on any applicant who may be doing
business in violation of law or who uses
ardent spirits, ale, wine or beer.
Third-We could not insure one who
might engage in treason or rebellion, for
the growth of hair requires absolute
quiet.
Fourth-Our company could not in
sure the polygamous for obvious reasons.
Fifth-This company could not insure
an applicant, and the policy should be
void, If he transgreSs the limits pre-
scribed for travel as set forth on back Of
policy or cross the high seas without a
permit from the president.
Sixth-PermisSion should be specially
granted to applicants who contemplate
travel via the New York Fifth avenue
diligence.
Seventh-The insured should not be
permitted to engage in blasting, mining,
submarine agriculture, shark dentistry,
taking temperature of yellow fever peo-
pie or tanning lions for the trade.
Eighth-Policies should not be trans
ferable, and hair should be void if de-
tached
ywife has wired you today in cipher
as follows:
BUCK SHOALS, y. c.
San Miguel Baldheaded Insurance Company,
San Diego. Cal:
Pa will accept.
3D.. II. (SiCuedO Ma.
In accepting the presidency, will say
that have not stood around like young
robin with my mouth open waiting for
everything that came along, but, on The
contrary, the offer comes like a clap of
thunder from a clear sky. have never
sighed for office, but have during my
leisure moments practiced the whole arm
movement for several years. till have a
signature which is said by experts to be
especially suitable for decorating public
documents and policies.
In recent letter the insurance COM
pany desires to state that applications
are coming in from Vienna. where bald
ness Is almost epidemic One banker
there states that ne would not mind
SlOo,G00if he could secure good growth
OF hair. We shall take the job, quarter
inch, quarter pay; half inch growth,
half pay, etc, charging full rates if
tangled mass of Paderewski or alfalfa
hair IS grown.
1t VIII be my duty as president to ap-
point inspectors, whose job II will be to
sAsiAs uDon the extent of growth and re-