St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-09
REUBEN CAGGGSSS THEORY.

WAS sitting in cafe below Four
teenth street with my friend Reuben
Caggs. 1t was a sultry July day, and
he ought to have been at his country
house on Long Island where he had
invited me to spend q couple Of
weeks. He was, however, q heavy
operator in stocks, and, as the mar
ket was feverish, he thought it safer
to keep his middle finger on the pulse
Of Wall street than to be driving a
spanking team and listening to the
rolling and roaring surf.
Caggs was said to be many times a
millionaire. Exactly what that term
signifies, l can't explain for my null
tiplicatiOn table ends long before it
reaches six figures. I have never
stood Ia tho shoes Of such o man, and
never looked at life through his eyes.
I don't know what it means to be
worried over the size Of ones surplus,
or to be harTied because one has a
couple OF fortunes in the bank not
drawing cent Of interest. If I man
age to make both ends meet on the
1st Of January, and can face the new
year free Of debt, having given the
usual half-doliar to the elevated boy
f1iS Ibhto Il4C w III IODIIi ttC oNii
times OF the night, and q bright six
pence to the old lady who brings me
my morning and evening papers I
consider myself fortunate. But to
have 50 much money that one can't
count it even in his dreams, to be
pointed at On the sidewalk as Jubez
Croesus, Esq, who has seventeen
horses in his stable, and box at the
opera-Well, that's the kind of life
my friend Caggs led, and, on the
whole, he seemed to enjoy it.
He could say to the joWeler, "Send
that home to my wife, and not ask
the price Of the article. Yes, he
could; DutI noticed that he always
did ask the price, and always man
aged to get a discount. Now, I pay
tue asking price for everything I
buy he never does. But then he's
rich, and can afford to do such things.
Being poor, [ don't enjoy that pre-
rOgatiVe. The salesman seems
pleased to take ten per cent. off for
Caggs; but if [ should ask the same
favor he would probably doom me to
one hundred and fifty different kinds
Of death.
Well, we sat at the table chatting.
" My dear boy" he said, I'm sorry
l can't go down to Glover Hill as we
proposed; but you see the bears are
after me, and unless [ have as many
eyes a3 the spider, and keep them all
wide open, these ttrCPnntlWGe will get
their claws on me, and them
Here followed the most eloquent
shrug Of the shoulders I ever wit
messed. ! interpreted it as meaning
two things; first, that the bears would
find he wasn't within reach when
they ciaWcQ at him, and second, that
II they should happen to scratch him
he had SO much LETT that he would ut
lose Il wink of sleep.
How [ envied him. He was poor
twenty years ago, when he and I were
in the freshman class, and so was I.
He had changed his mind about re-
manning poor; but l hadn't I main
tanned my consistency, and at forty
one hadn't q sou marquee. Cages, on
the other hand, was able to hobnob
with Solomon in all his glory, and
could buy up all the bric-a-brac which
the Queen ofSheba brought as pres
ent to the King and store it in the at
tic Of his Long Island house.
-'O' AAlNlS III "lIt, ~ uIIGt, L1o
sail rather petulantly, as he poured
out another cup of Mocha" there's
my wife, Julia. She's most peculiar
woman. She runs to philanthropy,
goes into ecstacie8 over beggar, and
reels off q lot Of nonsense about re-
forming the world" A sip Of coffee
followed this remark, and as he but
tered his toast he added, serenely:
The world don't need reforming.
Heigho! it's all right as it is. It's
made up Of two classes Of people;
those who have made money and
those who have lost it. I say with
Shakespeare: If money go before, all
ways do lie OPEN There you have
it just as tits. No, [ don't agree with
Julia. She says the poor ought to be
lifted up. A pretty big contract that,
don t you think so? I don't say this
at homo. you know, because-well for
a good many reasons, but between
you and me, it's all bosh. The higher
you lift the poor up, the greater dis
tance they fall. Poverty is the nor
NAL condition of nine tenths of the
world, always has been, always will
be. It's their forte to be poor; they
have genius for it. Give 'em a flyer
to-day and they want another to- NOR
row. Give 'em a second flyer to-mor-
row, and they are on hand promptly
the next day. If you refuse, the two
flyers don't count and they Just curse
you because you won't keep giving.
I have fixed policy, never to give to
any one. It works best in the long
run"
The difficulty with Cagss was that
he had looked at dollar SO long he