Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1892-08-13
ARIZONA KICKER.
THE EDITOR GIVES THE POSTMAs-
TER FAIR WARNING.
A Beautiful Souvenir of the Private
Graveyard. Which Is Described in Flo
quent Language by the Editor and
Mayor.


Copyright. Isace. by Charles B. Lewis.l
IT MUST CONE.-We shall have TO shoot
the postmaster OF this town, and we shall
have 20 shoot him stone dead. We have
sought 10 dodge the issue in every possible
way, but it viii not be lodged. Two years
ago, when ne was appointed, we stated that
he was teetotally unfit for the position and
ought TO refuse 1t. II wasn't three months
before we had to shoot him in the shoulder
in the interests of our subscribers. Four
months later we felt il our duty to shoot
him again to expedite the mail service.
Ninety days since we got the drop on him
again, and but for his promises Of reform
we should have created a vacancy in the
postal service. Saturday last we received
a score Of complaints from subscribers re-
garding the nonarrival Of their papers.
The package for Lone Tree had not reached
that Office at all. Clinch Valley was six
teen papers short. OF eighteen papers sent
to Turkey Bend only eight went through.
We called at the postoffice to make our
statement and ask for an explanation, but
the postmaster refused TO see us. He sent
out word that he was running that she
bang. and il we didn't like his style we
could move on to the next town. He also
added that If we came prancing around
again he should open on US through the
general delivery window with two six
shooters.
Saturday evening we called a meeting at
THE KICKER office, which was attended by
twenty-five of our most prominent citizens.
We made our statement of the case, and
after considerable discussion the following
resolution was presented by Judge Baxter
and unanimously adopted:
Resolved, That it is the duty OF the editor OF
THE KICKER, as a man, a citizen and an editor.
to shoot the postmaster on sight
n n n a.
kind. Sunday afternoon we sent copy
of the resolution to the postmaster and
asked him to get his official affairs in
shape as soon as possible, and Monday
morning we telegraphed Mr.. Wanamaker
that there would probably be vacancy to
fill before the week was ended. We owe
solemn duty TO our subscrib ers, and we
shall not shirk it. When person sub
scribes for THE KICKER we guarantee to
get it to him regularly every week, even
If we have to clean out two or three post
offices to do il. Should the postmaster call
at this Office and make reasonable excuses
and promise better things for the future
we should probably be inclined to leniency.
but if he doesn't show up within a day or
two there viii either be new editor of
this paper or a new postmaster in the
shanty on Apache avenue.
AS a SoUyENIR.-From and after Sept
each subscriber to THE KICKER will re-
ceive as a souvenir a beautiful Autograph
S by y in size, of our private graveyard by
moonlight. The cut herewith published
does not begin to do the Autograph justice
There are ten graves in all, five on each
side OF the main walk The whole lot is
beautiful grass plat, with trees, shrubs
and flowers in profusion, and a white picket
fence surrounding the lot. The total cost
up to date has been about 81, 900. but tour
lists who have travelled in every country
declare that they have seen nothing to
begin with it We believe there is an editor
somewhere in Idaho who has private
graveyard with three graves in it, but we
have been told that he killed his victims
with a pickax while they were drunk
The Autograph represents full moon
shining down upon our p. z. and bringing
out every detail as clearly as if seen under
the monday sun. y sort of halo is thrown
upon each grave, and the trailing arbutus
and blossoming vioIets produce a softness
of detail which goes right to the heart of
the beholder. We wanted our artist to
show the figure of our esteemed contempt
rary looking over the fence and kicking
himself because he never shot nybody in
his life. but there was no room. The fol-
lowing is the list, printed on the back
of the souvenir:
No bad Man johnson. from Montana,
who wanted to kill an editor on general
principles.
No. 2-Unknown pilgrim, VINO got two
shots at us before we could draw, but fired
too high.
No. 3-Not fully identified, but supposed
to be Sam White, of Nevada. Drew on US
because we accidentally spit on his boots
on a windy day.
No 4-Unknown pilgrim, who threw
rock into our bedroom window at mid
night and then foolishly waited around tc
see if we were going to come out.