The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1892-01-13
MR.. AND MRS. eowseR.
The Head Of the Honse shaves Himself.
Mrs. Howssr to Blame as Usual.

w nht nave you BOt qutfiON
Bowser, as her liege lord made display Of
a small package when he came homo the
other evening.
MRS Bowser," he replied, "did you read
Of that case In Troy where a barber cut
customer slightly on the cheek and he died
of blood poisoning'"
mo. Say, you've gone and got another
shaving outftp'
"Anotherf When did ever have ones"
"You got one two or three years ago in
Detroit, and how did you come out with it'
Mr. Bowser, you do the most foolish things
of any man I ever heard of in all my lifei"
"a do, chr Is it foolish for me to want to
avoid blood poisoning by shaving myself,
to say nothing Of the enormous saving of
money! Yes, did get an outfit in De-
troit, but l had boil on my arm and
couldn't handle the razor"
And you cut yourself and pranced
around and whooped until the neighbors
thought we had fire. How much did
this outfit COST" 1885,.
"Only ten dollars"
"Ten dollars thrown right away"
"Is it7 Let's sec about that Having
my own outfit can shave daily. That's
10 cents a week, or $50 per month. Seems
to me that $3I per year is worth saving In
the twenty years l have been shaving
could have saved the trifie of $3.50. Where
are you now, Mrs. Bowser~
Just where was before You'll shave
once and thatil end It,"
"Will itf If that's your opinion have a
great surprise in store for you. Pve been
taking lessons of barber on how to handle
tho razor, and can shave clean in exactly
four minutes. Easiest thing IN the world
when you know how. just think of the
$3.50 have thrown awayp
"Well, suppose you'll try it in spite of
anything that can say, but shall decline
TO be held responsible for any trouble"
"Responsiblel Troubled How could
hold you responsiblei And what trouble
Gun there beS'
"Why, that time in Detroit you almost
tore the house down because you cut your
ear"
"Poohl I was probably joking. Don't
remember a thing about it,"
After dinner Mr.. Bowser took a bowl of
hot water and started up stairs, saying to
Mrs. Bowscr as he went;
"Better time me by the clock. may be
six or seven minutes this time, but III be
right on tick tomorrow night"
Lets seep he unused as he opened tn
box and stood before the glass. 1.-THE first
thing is to lather. of course. That's as easy
as rolling Off log. This is something like
! comfort, this is. Hanged if don't believe
! shall want to shave twice dayp
MIR. Bowser decided to put ON plenty of
lnther. He put it OH his chin, checks, nose
forehead, ears and throat, and more or less
fell on the CARPET When he had lathered
until both arms ached, and no more would
stick to him, he picked up the razor and
chuckled:
III Just hold it with three fingers, this
way, and lay it on my cheek this way and
move it gently down. A child three years
old could do that. III show Mrs. Bowser
trick or two before I'm through. Good
woman, but she thinks she knows it all
Razor just slides"-- ..".
Mr. Bowser gave a jump and at the same
instaut he saw the lather stained with
blood
Don't amount to anything-just the
head Of pimpleI'' he whispered to him
self. "Barber told me to keep my arm
stiff, and forgot. Can't expect to get the
hang Of it in one minute, you know. A
little more lather."
He lathered away until it began to drop
of, and then picked up the razor again.
"Mr. Bowser, what's the matter" called
Mrs. Bowser rs she kicked on the door.
"Nothingin he answered.
"Then what are you jumping around SO
for? / thought you'd shake the chande
Hers downl''
",rhe blamed thing must have slipped on
mel'' he growled as he returned to the glass
to survey the cut. Probably didn't hold
it exactly right. Ali that's more like the
way the barber told me to hold it. Now,
then, tako it easy till you get the hang of
it. May be ten minutes this time, but on
the next occasion Pip
"Mr. Bowser, open this doorl" called
Mrs Bowser from the hall.
"Wwhat do you w-want?" he gasped.
81 want to know what all this swearing
and kicking over the chairs meansl Didn't
4 tell you how you would come outln
You 20 awayl I'm all right It was
the man next door you heardp
Mrs Bowser heard yell and started for
the stairs. She met Mr.. Bowscr half way
up The lather was flying about and the
blood streamed down on his shirt bosom
and his eyes were as big as onions.
"Well didn't say sop" She demanded.
Her words brought Mr.. Bowser to him.
self He turned back beckoned to her to
follow and us they entered the bedroom he
silently pointed. The razor lay on the floor,
the bowl was broken in three pieces and
thele was iaeuSf GNtt W uere.
"Well3" she inquired, as she picked up
three towels and placed two chairs on their
legs agttin.
"Womanp' he hoarsely whispered, ''this
is too much"
"Why, what have done?"
"Surel DoueI Look ut mer'
ayes. but you tried to shave yourself.n
"But who dragged me into it2"
"Mr Bowser you certainly can't blame
me. told you before you''-
That's enoughl This is the limit j.
understand it all, and can see just how you
planned it'll 1t is not your fault that did
not cut my throat and that you are not
now a widowl Mrs. Bowscr, leave me toI
myself / have some papers to look over
before consulting n lawyer tomorrowr'-
NJ Quad in New York World.
Where Economy Begins.
ii d J. n Al M