The Durham daily globe., 1892-08-13
Miss Idea Suggests a Proposition TO His
Mind.
ABOUT WHAT DOLLARS WOULD 90
Iha'cs for Any One Political Party TO
Kid" in the Chariot of Glory to
the Success 1t Wants.

could be tackled on to the bill of fare.
what ga-lOrious old time we BOYS would |
have, But unfortunately, a dish Of
glory and juicy becfsteak are hardly
ever yOuchsafed US on the self-same dav
and this is where Dame Nature made the |
b!under Of her life, and there Is no way
given whereby we may correct the re-
gretful ommission-grin and bear it I;
that's the remedy both we and smiling |
wisdom suggest
\ vague, underlined something hat
shall we call il: Webster is silent-has of |
late been teasing both our waking and |
slumbrous hours; vast chasm in our
life's duty has, all along, stood invitingly |
open, and how 10 fill the sOmbre void has
been the bothersome problem of our
eventful career. All perplexities and
doubts, both major and minor, are now
happily cleared up we no longer hesitate
duty and self interest, the moral whis-
perings Of conscience, are too plain to be
mistaken or ignored. Let us explain
Only last night as we were wrestling
with the invisible spirit of discord and
anarchy, as cXemplified in the Homestead
episode, that rolicking nymph, Miss Idea,
suggested n propOsition-not a new one
in political intriguery-that's as sure of
success ~ the mandates of unrelenting
death. We can now yawp, in the Ian
guagc Of the ancient Hebrew fathers,
80 I'ur,l.. ~ Ian Of ic tipoal
with withering regret-"whY suggested
so late in life:' 1t is the part of wisdom
her teachings are ignored to accept
| the inevitable and be happy; therefore,
after giving the subject the benefit of
| fearful mobilization, and not without
some Qualms of cOnsCience,-have not
! forgotten our youthful training-we' We
| agreed TO act along the line proposed by
the nocturnal nymph. We may be held
| amcnabc at the bar of criticism and so
called Justice; but to "dO a great right
we are, now and then, compelled TO "dO
! a little wrong We have precedent for
| this, one that reaches far back into the
| hoary annals Of time; and precedents are
the brief chronicles, the signboards, so to
speak, of an age that is finished.
! We propose to attach Ourself to the
! political party which can, or which will,
whack up the biggest pile of shekels; in
other words, we are open TO the seduc-
| tive influence of bribe-and why not:
! Bribcs are the sheet-anChOrs of political
! wisdom. Without them the stability Of
parties would be as unreal and tleeting
as dream of love. Five million Of the
realms circulating medium can secure
! our undivided efforts in behalf Of the
donating party. ON first view, this
| seems, or might seem, vast sum to cX.
ch lnge for proposed services, but you du
not catch on-for this amount, a mere
Cypher aS compared TO what Is spentiB
the usual methods of eleCting "a pre~i
dental candidate, we will assume entire
parly's machinery from now and on up
to the 4th Of November. To accomplish
this We will have TO employ horde of
agents and spies; will engage the whole
erton's Detective Agency-those cOnserv-
alors of peace and good order-whose
sole business will be TO intimidate, cor
rupt and buy over the opposing factions.
Now it will require monev-lots Of the
mcdium-to put the thing in motion and
sustain ii; but our employers will have
nothing TO do but sit back in dignited
ease and watch Us AID those hilarious
spirits sIay the Philistines
This is no, money making scheme OF
. ours. but fair and honorable-as honor
is defined by the faithful-business prop
osition and the first applicant. the one
with the greenback credentials, will secure
our invaluable activities aud, a a matter
course, their ultima thule, the W hite house
We have no preferences; but the party
that rides in the band wagon for the next
\ four wears must be prepared to give Us
the force bill, free coinage OF silver and
civil equality. Those Senegambians
should and must be forced 10 descend
from their imperial altitude; they have
carried their heads alof. too long al
: ready. their insolcuce, and that domi
nesriug spirit must be curbcd, and theiI
aspirations lowered 10 the plain Of theii
now down ,rodden and despised white
brethren. ~ slight token for service:
rendered, We expressly siiPulate that ih'
: party, which We propose 10 boost intC
Inoloriely and glory. must sign an agree
e m.nl. in advance, guaranteeing 10 IL th'
United States treasury portfolio. w
will then be in position 10 reimburse ih,
party for its outlay in securing the IA
=, lional diaiem; will also, as matter Q
i sagacious prudence, recuperAte our shat
ls tered fortune and, nSt 10 be outdone II
I'D -A.-.l. Il.