Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1892-01-22
NENVGAG.

II was moi his real name or his stage
hlne. but it was the one under which he
was best known by those who best knew
him. 1t had been thrown ut him in IA cafe
one night by II newspaper man after the
performance, and had chung to him. Its
Significance lay in the fact that his gags"
supposedly comic things said by presum-
ably comic men in nominal opera or bur
lesque-invariably were old. The MAJ who
bestowed the title upon him thought it a
fine bit of irony.
Newgag received it without expressed
resentment, but without mirth, and he
bore its repetition patiently as seasons
went by. He was accustomed to enduring
calmly the lestS. tuc %indiguities That were
ELECTED by hi, peculiar appearance, his
doleful eNprc.iion, his slow md bungling
speech and movement, his diflident amer.
He was one of the forbearing men, the
many who are doomed to continual suffer
ing of IL kind that their sensitiveness and
timidity make it the more difficult for
them to bear. UnGying ambition burned
beneath his undemonstTltive surface;
dauntless courage lay under his lack of
ability.
He was an extremely spare man, of ex-
t~raordinary height and the bend of his
F'ip'A''NiR 1NNN III liltA ItfA'l Il COtllltttl
thrust forward. His black hair was with
out curl and it would tolerate no other ar
iangement than being conbed back
straight. 1t was allowed to grow down
ward until it scraped the back Of Newgag's
collar, Il device for concealing the mcager-
ness of his neck.
He had Il smooth, pale face, s~lanting
from ears to nose like IA wedge; and the
dimness of the blue eyes added to its in
Prospective cast. He blushed, as a rule.
when he met new acquaintance or was add
dressed suddenly. He had a gloomy look
and a hesitating way of speech. An anus
ing spectacle was his mechanical looking
smile, which, when he became conscious
of it, passed through several stages ex-
pressive of embarrassment until his normal
mournful aspect was reached.
As he usually appeared in IA sacl; coat
when OIL the stage, the length of his legs
was ~divertingly emphasized. After the
fashion of great actors of ii bygone genera
ton, he wore IL soft black felt hat, dinged
i'll the crown from front to rear.
lie had entered THE profession" from the
amateur stage, by way of the comic opera
chorus, and to that chance was due his
being located in the comic opera wing of
the great histrionic ediiice. lie had orig
inally preferred tragedy: bat the first con
sideration was the getting upon the stage
by any means. Having industriously
worked his way out of the chorus he had
been reconciled by habit to his environ
ment and had come to aspire to eminence
therein. He had reached the standing of a
secondary comelian-that is to say. Il man
playing secondary comic roles in the pieces
for which he is cast. He was useful in
sEch companies as were directly or in
directly controlled by their leading come
dams, for there never could be any fear of
his outshiningth those autocratic personages.
Only in his widest hopes did he ever look
upOn the center of the stage as Il spot posi-
Die for him to attain.
His means of evoking laughter upon the
stage were laborious upon his part and
mystifying to the thoughtful observer. lie
took noticeable pains to change from his
real self. 1t mattered not what were the
nature of the part he filed, he invariably
assumed an Unnatural, strained, rasping
voice; he stretched his mouth toits utmost
reach and lowered the eXtremities of his
lips; he turned his toes inward NATURALLY
his feet described an abnormal outward
angleJ and bowed his arms. Brought I'D
in the school which teaches that to make
Others laugh one must never smile ones
self, he wore II grotesquely lugubrious and
~changeless countenance. Such was New
gag in his every impersonation. When he
thought he was funniest he appeared to be
in most pain and WAS most depressing.
My methods are legitimate, anyhow"
he would say when he had enlisted ones
attention and apparent admiration across
a table bearing beer bottles and sand
witches. 'The people want horse play now
adays. But when Tve got to descend to
that sort of thing III go to the variety
stage or circus ring ut once-or quit"
That's a happy thought, old man."
said n comedian of the younger school one
night, when Newgag had uttered his
wonted speech. "Why don't you quit?"
Such II speech sufliced to rob Newgag of
his self possession m to reduce him to
silence. He could not cope with easy. off
hand, impromptu testers. In truth, no
one tried more than Newgag to excel in
horse play" but his temperament or his
training did not equip him Tor excelling in
II; he defended the monotony, emptiness
and toilsomeneNs of his humor on the
ground that il was Legitimate"
one night Newgag drank two glasses of
beer in rapid succession and looked at me
with ii touching countenance.
'Old boy" he said, in his homely drawl,
I'm discouraged | begin to think Pm
not in itr'
why, what's wrong?"
"Well-I've dropped to the fact that
after all these years in the business | can't
make them laugh"
was about to say, 80 you've just awak-
tned to that?' but pity and politeness de-
TERED me. Every one else had known it,
all these years. Newgag, to be sure, should
naturally have been, as he was, the last to
discover it.
NewSag thus went one step further than
any comedian | have ever known. Having
detected his inability to amuse audiences,
he confessed it.
People who know actors and read this.
will already have said that it is IA fiction
and that Newgag's admission is false to
life. Not 50; ~ writing not about come
dams in general, but about Newgag.
That he had come to so exceptional n con-
cession marked the depth Of his despair. |
tried to cheer him.
Nonsense, my boy! They give you bad
parts. Go II of comic opera. Try tragedy"
had spoken innocently and sincerely.
Rut NaNvran tbonnIt I Yrn. ;,et;n, l.