Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-09-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The barber is poor indeed who doesn't
even hone his razors.-Elmira Gazette.
Prudence in plume dropped from the
wing of some past folly.-Texas Siftings.
Money talks; but it is frequently a
trif1e deficient in its grammar. Wash
ington Star.
Do not expect to go to the top of the
spire in politics unless you are willing to
play the weather cock.- Galveston
News.
"Gentlemen," said the auctioneer,
tmost of these books are in English; but
there are few volumes by Robert
Browning. boston Transcript.
Mrs. D-"Just think, Mary, how ter
rible. The poor man was torn limb
from limb" "Lor' bless us, marm, and
men so scarcel l"-New York Mercury.
The bell boy tugged at the travellers trunk;
He puffed till he nearly exploded,
Then said as his pride very visibly shruuk,
II didn't know that it was loaded"
Washington Star.
Schoeppenstedt says he knows
woman who is so neat that the greatest
trouble of her life is the knowledge that
she is made of dust.-Somervill Jour-
nal.
"The political convention is great
institution" said Kickins. ''lt enables
the local politician to rest his mind and
gives his larynx chance. "-Washington
Star.
Lost influence returns no more;
The thought his soul must blister;
The man who called him Judge" of yore
Refers to him as mister"
Washington Star.
Sharks won't bite swimmer who
keeps his legs in moton. If you can
keep kicking longer than n shark can
keep waiting you'll be all right.-New
York Mercury.
49," said Mr.. Donegan, "they's been
printing the funeral notices av man
that wasn't dead yit. It's nice fix he'd
be in if he had been wan o these people
that believe iverythiug in the newspa-
pers. ~ Washington Star.
Mr.. reatwadde-"These lawyers are
fearfully exorbtant. | had my will
drawn up to-day and he got $50 for it."
Mrs. GIeatwadde-" "Ghat's nothing.
Just think of what he'll get when you
ie."-Detroit Free Press.
Yabsey-"See here, Nudge, when
let you have that five dollars six weeks
ago, you said you wanted it for a little
while only" Mudge-''Well, l told the
truth l didn't have it in my possession
more than half an hour. indianapolis
Journal.
Husband-'I think young Mrs.
Prettyface was green with envy when
you came in with your new bonnet on"
Mrs. Ilhumor-"H Hateful thing. She
Just did that because she knows that
green is becoming to her. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
Gaswell-"Goethe once said, I'VE
ought to look at some picture every
day. Dukkats (of miserly proclivi-
ties)-"Yes, and there are no finer works
of art extant than the steel engravlngs on
the back of national bank notes. Pitts
burg Chronicle.
The Sword Swallower-'I have had
notice that they don't want me any
longer in the museum" Fat Woman
"Well, who will take your place~
Sword Swallower-"Why, girl from
Boston is going to swallow her words"
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
"Mr. Gingham," said Taper, az
would like fortnight's absence to at
tend the wedding of a very dear friend"
'It must be a very dear friend indeed to
make you want that much time. Who
is it9" "Why, sir, after the ceremony
she will be my wife. Jury.
"The man down there at that table,"
said the waiter, glaring at somebody at
the other end of the room, ais no gen.
tleman. That's all I've got to say"
"What's the matter with him9" asked
the cashier. Hes breaking them
lemonade straws so we can't use 'em
again, doggone him. Chicago Tribune.