Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1892-03-06
SHE TOOK THE PILLS.
os.orNa AN ADVERTISEMENT BY
MISTAKE CAUSED TROUBLE.
-. ,a,er Puzzled By Contact with Fran
eomapises'--A Case OF 0enuins Polite
,e.s--obssrvatton About Society.

.,d we SEQ evidences OF ~ sn every HUN
"a corner. The Idief. In his pensive
' s~ has oftimes withdrawn him
80 from the madding crowd" and
.ough, to find consolation by silently
oonmunine with Nature. Whether upon
enc lofts crags Of some giant mountain or
~ the solitude Of the forests he has sud.
sa,1v had his reyeries dashed to pieces by
.s noexpected admonition TO use So
"a SOS Pills." which appeared upon the
r"r colored front OF rock or on the
"nsrled bark Of a woodland monarch. In
Iteration be has flown back to civiliza-
non and sought 70 soothe MS sorrows with
INNS and suddenly his eagle eve is at
..,'cted low a flaming head. which reads !:
..tdcIna Patti Spesks.n The second line
,be caution ssy3: THE Song-Bird
W,;,ss in Tender Wosls to Edwin Booth"
~ ayes OF the indolent scribe
t,ige With delight aud assume the dimen-
49,, ~ soup-pia.os. He is delighted and
80, 10 know what the songstress says. He
,snsdly scans the article. On the last line
49, ands that the worlds favorite an
,'opnccs in fiowery English that she uses
"a adores "Thing-um-Bobs tooth pow
S,r.p so also that grand old man.
Gladstone. lhe tnc tlhuips ~ ihoto W soy
,b,opgh the pubic press that he used
S1ts, 'vofl.fnay-call-him soapn FIVE years
40 and has never used any other since.
~, / am always croaking." and yet
s,sr.ed ont 20 tell joke. Mrs. Long
sb0re- Potts, the female physician. who lee
I'D AZ the Academy last week. when
,.ar,llpp from San Francisco several years
400 was accompanied by her maid, O young
i-3y rather pretty. This maid, like many
'th.r lair ones both before and after her
,,,ro was engaged TO be married. Natu-
r.Iv she wanted to be handsome, but
rrrh 10 her distress she found her.
al Growing unsentimentally cOrpulent.
A.ter entering the matrimonial state she
s.,rlt the advice of her former mistress.
Ir Totts. and the latter being a woman
ierse.l. and approaching her domestic's
dilemma, undertook to prescribe for her.
,l. female physician wrote to her patient
srd told her to walk great deal, eat all
-ts 1i meat except pork, and all sorts OF
v.r.tables except potatoes. She sealed
tg letter in an envelope taken from the
Iofd stationery. and then. held by de-
s.r, t0 IMPRESS her former maid with the
,ecessity for walking she wrote across the
.n0ftla envelope "a good half hour before
,.et mcal." The epistle reached its destira-
ton. and sometime Afterwards the woman
y.r.fe Dr. Potts that she was satisfied the
treatment would Kill her If she continued
h. Size had lost oil appetite and was IN a
g-saIful way. Two hastily-written letters
ir.,pst out the fact that the hotel en-
y...ne used by the female physician in
sending her prescription had on its top a
telegraph advertisement very similar to
b.. Potts writing. The patient. after
v.ad,ug the written invocation, " A good
ls.I n0ur before and after each meal" had
.,-r.I the letter over to be confronted
y.t1 Take Blanks Liver Pills" She had
ftksn them and thereby caused herself
much suffering.
Sueaking of "Anglomaniacs." why il
.ms to me we uncouth Americans could
lust Us appropriately be called Franco
mau.acs." was at big supper few eve
rnes ago, and although / had religiously
retained from eating for two days in
fr,Daration and anticipation of the event,
uas greatly disappointed IN some re-
.u0rts. Would you believe II, the
whole niau was printed IN French,
AID had 10 take everything l
-of ON faith. They brought me soup
~ Ir something or other. and how could |
Cd what | was drnkingY ] perused
OBJ. card with knowing air, and hnally
r.urratulated myself on having translated
ono lengthy expression with many vowels
and arOsirophes as meaning frOg-legs,
hut. alas. the irOg-legs that i lOnged Tor
mover came. Vainlv | waited for the In
members of the aquatic reptile
81, the Genus rama. Tor they were not brought.
When thus saw that my last hope-the
81 All upon which leaned-hsd been taken
away, became horribly suspicious.
a silll, small voice kept whispering,
" Tow do YOU know you aren't eailng
l ule-steaks! Don't that roast look Ike
dY- meat z" and so on. Horrld thoughts
fitted like sDectres across my mind, and
D. a an irresistible desire To cry out,
" gring me bacon and cabbage!' The
moro / pondered and studied the moan
fnc more desperate became. and finally L
caupromised matters by ordering every
tt.nr ON the card. But this was nothing
q another disappointment | had. Again
, ,cls lu the social realms. and as lowered
around m the neighborhood of certain
large bowls containing lemon peel and a
liquid, | saw III one of
the beautiful pieces OF chinaware
d irOthy, soap-suds concoction, the
aupparance of which brought back
VIVID recolleotions of last Christmas.
Z mildly approached and slyly inserted my
CLOSING my eyes and softly cooling, swal-
lowed the fluid. NV surprise was similar
fo that of a man who, when expecting the
lick of mule merely has the animal 10
look M him, for instead of getting some
th,ngpowerful merely got mild, pleasant
taste of what appeared TO be harmonious
combination Of coffee and chocolate. KIND
friends. noticing my Disappointment, rush.
al up and sOothed my sorrows by telling
me that had mistaken what they called
cait fcoppe for eggnog..
As / was riding uptown in an electric
rar q few days ago saw what struck me
ls q genuine act of politeness-none OF
your bogus politeness, but genuine cour-
te-v. coming from the heart and not from
selfish motives. Several gentlemen were
comfortably settled IN their seats, enjoy
ing their own and their nelghbors' CONVEX
ssuon, when suddenly the conveyance
stopped, and IN q moment cOlored
woman. evidently from the country. was
wlisked into the EAR. In one hand she
carried a large valise, whilst with the
other she chung 20 little pIckaninny"
with black, beady eyes. Now. inasmuch
D. daTkles, whether they come from the
rural districts or from the cities. have
only two hands, IT was quite natural that
toe poor woman should feel at q loss as 10
how she should maintain her equilibrium.
Jlc vallse and likewise the baby were
evidently quite Indifferent abont this mat
ter Int the more aged traveller appeared
o. boz seriously concerned. Several OF the
gentlemen looked up but fol moment not
one said thing. l could see from the ex-
preston Of Their faces that something told
them that IL would be proper TO give the
woman q seat, but TO do this one OF the
party would have TO stand. and so they
ignored tine newcomers presence. After
tAe car had gone about square one OF
Tie gentlemen, who doubtless had not
noticed the woman, the rat-eyed infant, or
goo yalise. Jumped up and said; Why. she
Us beer bands full; she oughtn't to stand
No. tie told the darkey 20 sit down and
81. did SO. Then every one else looked
cheap. ald 1t was plain that they knew
quto well what they should have done.
q. Sc ballroom dignitaries. with your
thesterteldian airs and lordly manners,
hHN many of you would have stopped to
tas simply act Of courtesy-this genuine
exhibition of politeness?
-
As complacently sauntered down Broad
sweet few days ago. twisting my amber
tinted moustache and twirling my eight
poaad cane. noticed tall figure ap-
preaching me. aud casting glance at the
person drawing near / recognized that
most able and PHILOSOPHICAL Of theOlOgians,