St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-01-17
1t Is Remarkably Easy to
Predict, but Not to Be
Strictly Accurate.
Bob Burdette Reveals a Few
Secrets of "The Tomb of
the Prophets"
Some Inspirations He Is
Thankful the Great World
Never Knew
Presidential Prophecies and
What Might Have Unluekt
lily Happened. s.@ T.


Saul, l was becoming mixed up some
what with the prophets. Now. / have
the profoundest respect for prophets
who are to the manner born; and had
received my call to inspired life at my
birth or earlier would be exalted above
measure by the honor thus laid upon
me and l would prophecy, and cry
aloud, and spare not whenever there
was anything to predict, says Bob
Burdette in the Chicago Tribune.
But young as | was, even at that
time, when | was not old enough to be
very young. l observed that the home
made, and, worse still, the handmade.
article of prophet was snare at many
times, a delusion the rest of the time.
and IN other instances fraud.
cured myself of the habit of pre-
dieting things by very simple method.
l took several doses of my own medi-
cine. 1t produced. in the time of full
fillment, severe headache, accompanied
by sense of NAL de mer, low fever,
great mental depression, and tired
feeling, supplemented by an intermit-
tent desire to go away somewhere in the
dark until people forgot all about it.
After my recovery, which was some
what retarded during the period of con-
yaleScence by my stumbling over rec
ords of my prophecy now and then. [
procured strong box, not too large,
and labeled it 1.-THE Tomb of the
Prophets"
Thereafter whenever l felt strong
desire TO predict something instead of
rushing into print with it, | wrote it
down in plain, fair script. dated it and
put it into this box. Then, some long
rainy day would overhaul the Tomb
of the Prophets" and read my predic-
tons in the light of events Sometimes
the parallel columns would be too funny
with hopelessly unconscious humor
for anything. Sometimes they
with a feeling of deyout, humble
thankfulness that kind providence
had kept me from rushing into print
with some particular prediction, even
when angels would loiter about on the
outside of the tents of Delphos. and
sometimes they would afford what
Horace Greeley used to call "mighty
interesting reading" By degrees I
got to interring other unregenerate
prophets. who had not learned the Sc
cret of keeping their prophetic utter
anceS to themselves, into the conse-
Grated crypt of
My Private Cemetery.
This increased the scope of nv pru-
phetic reading; and, while it is not
always instructive, it never fails to be
entertaing. Here is hint for you for
1892, my boy. Whether you clip out of
the newspapers the predictions of other
amateur and professional prophets, the
10 h.
always make fearful and wonderful
forecasts, the hard and easy winter
prophets OF the spider web
and goose-bone schools, at any
rate, keep a close and accurate
record of your own forecasts about
everything. Then about once a month
you can overhaul your log book and cor
rect your longitude. And il you haven't
learned to speak leetle more slowly
and think lee-tle more thoughtfully by
the time you begin writing "December''
at the top of your letters, it will be
either because you know everything,
or because you don't know any
thing. and also consequently are
equally incapable of improvement.
Among other things l exhumed from
this "Tomb of the Prophets'' the other
day was the statement made in the most
positive form of declaration that the
EnSiish language can be compelled to
assume, and it can be pretty positive
when it gets its back up-that before
the Isl of January, 1891, a line of electric
cars would be running between-hold
on: that isn't the one; that's ole of my
own. 1t is OF no public interest, being
mere surmlse. simply expressing, in
very guarded terms, the bare pos
sibiIity of something that should
have happened long before the time
set down in the possibility" if there
had been any snap or go in the people
Who-but, however, it is of no conse-
QueDce at present; SO | Will not take up
your time by speaking of what-but I'll
bet any man dollars to doughnuts in
tenS-O! here is what was looking for.
1t is dated in July. 1889. and is the posi-
tive prediction of that excellent, sim
cere, and most experienced of the lend
of-the-World'' prophets. Rev. Mr.. Bax-
ter, of England, issuing his final and
revised bulletin of the
Everlasting Smash Up.
, He turns the book of Daniel inside
out, upside down, other end to, adds,
subtracts, multiplieS and divides, eX-
tracts the square root, counts the let
ters, and misses every fifth one; works
prophet who finds the name of the
Dirty in the nook Of Esther, and finally
sets everything up straight and clean,
all the same font, makes it justify, and
fixes the exact date for the dissolution
of the Standard Oil company and the
Gould system, which is about ali there
is left of the world, for April II, 1891.
Now there is good prophecy for you.
And l suppose it was all brought to
naught by the greedy, selfish, careless
ness of people. suppose we forgot all
about it, and went right along buying
and selling, marrying and giving in
marriage-Which are all the same things
on the 18th of April until the day was
past and we were on our way home
from an hours improvement under the
elevating teaching of the stage in
Brass Monkey" Hole in the Ground"
or The Clemenceau Case" before we
remembered that we should have wound
things up that very afternoon. 1t must
be dlscOuraging to prophet to prophesy
until his lower jaw cleaveS to the roof
of his mouth and his back fairly aches
and then have people go away and for
get what it was all about. Then l find
another good prophecy by local
prophet predicting six weeks drought.
1t is dated about two weeks before
the Johnstown flood. The great
European war is a favorite subject
for old prophets. The time for the
fulfillment of all or almost all war
prophecies, whether they be written in
January or December. is "before the
close of the present year." The war
prophet has got that phrase encysted in
his system somewhere, and it can't be
taken out without great danger; greater
danger, indeed. than there Island this
is not prophecy, but merely compar-
ison-Of the great European war;
Another thing discover in my occa-
sional researches in the ''Tombs
of the PrOphets"-that is, the great
and increasing multitude of post
| facto prophets. The original Cleveland,
Garfield, Harrison. and Blaine man
why, if the man who originally" NOM
mated ali the candidates for president
during the last sixteen years had only
seconded his nomination by
Going to the Polls
and voting for his man every candidate
| would have been elected every time INV