davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
BenefitIng the Farmer.

A Minnesota genius is at work upon a
device that will operate plow by cleo
tric force. If it shall prove to be a suc-
cess he claims that the farmer NAV set
bis piow in the field. turn ON the current
and then lie down in the shade while
the plOw spins around the lot turning
the furroE with perfect depth and even
ness Taken together With all the other
lsbor-saving farm machinery. the farmer
viii soon be able TO sit on his front
porch through the heat Of the day and
watch his machines plough, drag. SOW
and cover the seeds. Then the rainmak-
ers will sprinkle his front yard end gar
den, and the crops will flourish. When
the harvest time comes he can press the
button or drop nickle in the slot"
and the ripened grain will fall before the
electric reaper and binder, be picked up
oy electric forks. thrown onto electric
wagons and conveyed over electric tracks
to the barns and thrashed by electric
fails OF sepsrators. Yes. indeed. the far
mer cries hard times, and yet modern in
vention is making bis life son snap /"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
Busted. Not Broken.

doubtless our unlettered friends have
fine distinctions in the use Of words. for
which We do not give them sufficient
credit. A new pupil in a eolored school
took a shattered lamp chimney to show
her teacher.
-Ah" said he, your chimney Is
broken, is it?'
"NO, sir" she answered. Its busted >
In her distinction Of terms lay all IN.
difference between a confession Of epilt
and an assertion Of innocence. The
word broken she understood 10 mean
that the uishap had occurred bv her
own fault; and in correcting to busted
sne meant to imply tha. some unknown
agency, current Of cold air, perhaps had
caused the break
Here isa distinction ss clear and real
as We make in more scholarly terms
fOssiA's Companion.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
A Western Hustler.


The most unique managing editor in
the WIDE world registered at Clark
street hotel last evening He is E. T.
Wilson, of Tacoma, Wash, and for a few
weeks made things hum around the
Ledger Office in that city. The paper is
one of the richest and oldest in the State
Of Washington. It is owned by a real
estate speeulator who has not time, nor
inclination, nor talent to devote 10 the
property. One day Wilson landed in
Tacoma and began to write letters to
himself and talk of his powers as a
newspaper man. His action, says the
Chicago Herald, pleased the owner of the
Ledger, and in few weeks he was in
stalled as managing editor plenipotentis-
~. One Of the writer's on the pager was
Clinton A. SnoFden, formerly managing
editor Of the Times Of this city.
Wilson said that be was working too
hard and told him to 20 out into the day.
After employing new staff in the Office
Editor Wilson began to strengthen the
paper outside Of Washington. He sent
special correspondents to CINCINNATI,
Buffalo, New Jersey and Texas, with or
ders to keep the wires hot. In short
while more matter came into the little
Office than could be used in four papers.
The State Legislature was in session at
Olympia, and Wilson sent a man there
with orders to engage eight or ten rooms
in the best hotel and keep a carriage.
He gave a reporter sl00 one day to get
intoxicated and write up his experience.
The reporter went TO work with a grim
determination, and after drinking a few
glasses began to gamble.
He won over $500 with the Office
money playing faro, bought q town lot
and turned in about two lines, stating
that he didn't remember what happened
during the seance. At the time Of the
November elections Wilson sent twenty
men TO various places in Oregon TO send
in the returns from that state. The Ore
gon election was held in October, and
the reporters who went down there sent
up a copy Of an old Oregon paper con-
tanning the returns. And 50 ii went.
One day Mr.. Radebaugh, the proprietor
of the Ledge, learned that his paper was
some $4,000 behind. Then the specta-
cuIar methods Of his managing editor
came to light, and they haven't seen him
since.-Nar York Recorder.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
Specimen Cases.

;. H. Clifford, New Cassel, Wis. rss
troubled with NeuralgiS and Rheumatism
his stomach was disordered, his liver was
affected to an alarming degree, appetite
fell away, and he was terribly reduced in
hssh and strength Three bottles Of Flee
trie Bittes cured him
Edward Shepherd, Harrisburg H., had
a running sore on his leg OF eight vear.'
standing. Used three bottles Of Electric
Bi'ters and seven boxes OF Bucklen's Ar
niea Salve, and his leg is sound and we'll.
John Speaker, CataKba, o., had five Iarge
Fever sores on his leg, doctors said be
was ineurable. One bottle Electric Bit
ters and one box Bucklens Arnica Salve
cured him entirely. Sold at ]. \. Snv-
der's Drug store.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
SOMERSET, PA. WEDNESDAY. JANUARY 1s. 1892.

there was no word Of objection spoken.
Ii little feminine comforts crspt in TO
take the place Of Jonathan's xelI-meant
but clumsy devices, who could blame the
womsnly pity that suggested them =?
The doctor said the injuries were fatal,
and no one in Snowyille was inclined to
blame Mrs. CarrolPs ministrations 10 a
dying man But for once medical juig-
nent was at fault June roses were in
bloom when the calls were reversed, and
Mr.. Carpenter began TO visit Mrs. Car
roll, though Nan still crept through the
round window.
There wAsa wedding in October, eyes
being true eyes this time, and love vows
made in heartfelt sincerity. But Mrs.
Carpenter laughingiy declares her hus-
band was Mans conquest, and only mar
ned her that he might give Nan a fa-
theirs love and care.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
Hated Noises.


Leech's morbid horror Of noise Is well
knOwn- His nervous affection was more
exasperased in him that even in Carlvle.
One evening conviviaI party of the
Ancient Order Of Foresters. returning
from, perhaps, the Crystal Palace, where
high festival had been held, reused poor
Leech almost to madness BY a yelling
uProar opposite his door. He left his
work and rushed bareheaded among
them.
What are you making this horrible
row for?r
And then seeing the extraordinary
Robin Hood kind of costume affected by
those people, he said:
What's it all about-xho are vou ~
Eve are FOresters, that's what we are.
was the reply.
Then why on earth don't you 20 into
forest and make your internal row there
instead Of disturbing whole street with
your noise - said Leech.-Fsom Re Ljf,
Of Join Lsech.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
Breaking it Gently.

In the province of Holstein, noted for
its superior breed of cattle, the country
people are not only very thrifty. but ez
eeedingly fond Of their cows, as may be
gathered from the following eharaeteris-
tic story
Farmer Jan vas walking sadly down
the road one day. when the village pas
tor met him.
Why so sad, Farmer Jan ?" said the
pastor.
All, ! have very sad errand, pas
tor" replied jan
What is it2'
Farmer Henrik's COW IS dead in nv
pasture, and I am on my wav to tell
him."
A hard task, Jan"
Indeed iii pastor, but I shall break
it to him gently
How viii you DO that ~
l shall tell him first that il * bis
mother who IS dead, and then. having
opened the way for sadder news still I
shall tell him that It is not his mother
but the cow."-Loai0H Ti9-Bit.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13

Has it occurred to you, ladies, that
1892 is leap year?
Ring out wild bells to the wild sky and
tell each despairing maid that her hour
approaches. Not for long will she be
forced to pine in solitude. blush unseen
and waste her sweetness on the desert air.
Her day is coming-the hour in which
she can corner the young man Of her
choice and tell him that life without him
will be a void, howling wilderness.
She can soothe his agitation, quiet his
fiuttering heart, press his manly form in
her arms and kiss him smack on the
mouth even if he should resist.
Ring out, wild bells, and tell the CO.
quettish widow TO lay in an extra stock
Of war paint and tomahawks, for her
hour is, too, st hand. Never backward
about manifssting by gentle look, smile
or sigh her preferences, she will be at
her perihelion during 1892. And vain
will be the attempt Of man to escape
from the sunshine Of her affection. He
who trusts himself in the society of some
mans relict in leap year Is lost.
Ring out wild bells, and tell those
wh1 have lost even the semblance Of
hope-those ancient virgins who have
looked through many weary year for
the man TO come and have ever been
dissppointed-that hope is not dead even
for them that the door Of opportunity
will soon De siar and they alone will be
to blame fthey enter not, aye, and shut
and barricade it behind them.
Woman goes through life in Il one
half, one third, one quarter sort Of fash
on Even in the most important steps
Of her career she is condemned to wait
She must stand back with her finger in
her mouth and watch the man she would
prefer drilt from her without making a
sign Of distress.
But some philanthropist, to whom /
women should be eternally grateful, or
dained that once in four years they should I
havea whaek at proposing. Leap year Is /
deservedly popular with the ladies.
And the men-Whst Of their feelings (
in the matter? Do they, timid, shy. I
frightened lambs, wish to be pursued /
small difference to the resolute woman
who proposes to do matrimonial busi-
ness. She cares not for timidity or Gov
ness Her time for skirmishing is short
lit must be fierce.
Rouse maids and widows the battle
ield is open for the confiict.-EItA So
R0Hs TePPT.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
The ArchbIshop,s Rstort.

Archbishop Ryan was dining with
George ". Child's the other dsyu re-
marked Philadelphia gentleman -and
the usual Philadelphia dinner party was
Present-Wayne MscVeagh sat next
to the archbishop. During the evening
the subject Of railway passes was brought
up very naturally, when the archbishop
said he never travelled on railroad pass
IN All his life and had never been offered
one OF course this singular statement
attracted the attention of Colonel Mcclure
Clayton NGNiehael, Wayne Maeyeagh
and the rest, and caused a general smile
Of w0nderment.
Why, my dear archbishop said
MseN eagh, you have missed one of the
real pleasures Of life, as she is known in
Philadelphia
The sensation Of travelling on pass
would certainly be new to me- said his
grace.
"'Ill have to see NJ George W. Boyd.
Of the Pennsylvania road, about this
said Macy eagh, and use my influence
toward having this oversight corrected |
Really, replied the archbisher /
T.
On, that's all right, interrupted Mac
Neagh- You can use your influence to /
get me pass over the road you are sup
posed 10 control ia a measure
IN, dear siT, retorted MS reverence
with mock lugubrious look, I have no
control over or influences with the mana
gers Of any road you are likely to tray
ei r"-Nsr York Hsra!L
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
Told Of a Prairie schooner.

White and whiriing the. first snow Of
the year was falling on the blufEs Of NOR
thern Kansas Occasionally the storm
lifted- Then became visible fences out
lining winding roads. and here and there
smethyStine spirals q smoke David
Glsnnon's substantial house. d-aked by
outbuildings, bade defiance 10 the ele-
menss 6lennon, seated By the kitchen
stove. while bis wife moved briskiy
around preparing supper, vas the embodi-
ment OF solid satisfaction.
A knock at the door. The woman
opened il Blackly against the snowy
twilight lOoned up = long lean, gaunt
form.
~Our wagons broke down yonder, an
my partners sick Kin We stay here till
sun-up -
The woman glanced appealingly at her
husband. he rose angrily. "we amt got
nothin' fur tramps.9
He slammed the door in the Strangers
face That night when he was sleeping
the sleep Of the selfish, bis wife called
her own son Together they piodded
through the storm 70 where ribs Of the
prairie schooner cleaned ghostly As the
psllid skeleton OF the mastodon-
A man pushed back the canvass in
the rear Of the wagon. He took her gifts
Of warn food He got cut and stood talk
ing to the boy. In the dimly-lighted in
terror q man lay stretched on a pallet.
Suddenly she drew herself up and lean
ed towards him. Their eyes met; his
dazzled with the supreme splendor Of un-
expected JOY hers shrinking iu the be
EiIderment Of halfterri6ed recognition
by him.
Mary - be murmured.
She gasped, and then gave a frighten-
ed glance toward the txo talking with
out
I meant to come back soon. But 1
was jailed al these years for a crime I
never done. I couldn't get word Of YOU.
was on my way east to fnd you. How
ls-the-little lad 2'
The words came brokenly. She wiped
he sweat from his forehead. She groan-
ii aloud
Mother, cried boyish voice. With
.urtive passion she pressed her lips to
he white bps below. one word Of love
he was gone.
You were a long time talkin' 20 that
lek camper. grumbled her husband. As
hey entered the kitchen.
What are you cryin' forev
Nothin'"
Thanksgiving day day daWns divinely.
)avid Giennon, coming home from
nurch, stamps the SNOW from his feet
One o them wuthIess campers died
as night p he announces, cheerily. ~Diu-
ier ms ready, Mary ?''-CLic1go Tri-
lns.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
A Useful Machine.

Got any good butter" ?" asked the
woman.
Yes'n. How's that strike you, num-
answered the market man.
The woman took bite out Of the sli-
yer that the man extended to her or the
point Of his big knife, rolled what she
had bitten off back and forth on her
tongue and swallowed it.
Tastes pretty good, she said.
Yes'm its very fine butter. Shall
do you up some, num-"
Before answering this somewhat lead
ing question the woman put her eye
glasses astride her nose and peeped anx-
iously into the frkin. Then, shutting
her lips tightly together, she said No,
l dOu't like the color. Its too white.
| want yeller butter
well, hows this7" demanded the
dealer, uncovering another lot. That's
almost golden. Do you like that butter.
num-"
She lid. She bought ten pounds Of il,
put in her basket and walked proudly
away.
Same identical butter remarked the
dealer in q stage whisper after the Wom-
an had gone, only there's just a mite
more color in the last lot. None Of it is
worth anything. It's all worked-oyer
stuff"
What's 'worked-oyer stuff asked
Times reporter, who had heard all the
talk between the dealer and his customer.
Why, don't you know what working
over Is ? | suppose I'll have TO tell yOu.
Well, imagine that I'm q storekeeper
way out west, running general store in
prairie town. The farmers buy nv
goods and 1 buy theirs. OF course l must
buy their butter, all Of it-everything
called butter that Is offered Some of it's
In balls, some in cubes, some in rolls,
some in tubs and some in chunks. Its
pretty near all colors of the rainbow,
too.
"ssv-, what can / do with the stuff 4?
Ship it east ? No, that won't do. No
body east wants to buy variety show
in butter. What can l do with it? Just
you tell me"
That's more than know" answered
the reporter.
Why, it's easy as can be. I will work
the huffar ovar 4, - h,,,..- -.
down in the cellar. It's box with a
great big roller in it, / chuck all the
butter into that worker Then / set the
roller a-going. In five minutes [ have a
mixture, but it isn't fit to pack. It's
streaky and spotted, dab of yellow and
q patch of white, line Of mud and a
shade of pink What next2 Can you
suggest anything?"
Nothing" answered the reporter.
Well I'll tell you. take little bot
tie off the shelf and shake a few drops
out of it into my butter-worker, and then
Eell some more. Pretty soon the spots
and the stripes disappear, and in a little
while I've a mass Of butter all Of one col /
or, and can make it light yellow, or
dark yellow as l like, TO suit my custo-
mer.
Then | take the stuff out and pack it
IN tirkins, and mark each frkin choice |
creamery butter and send it east, and /
fools like that woman who Was Just in
here buy it and eat itH-N 7. Tua,s.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
And Horace was Cold.

MI- Greeley was in the habit on sun
days after church, Of going down to the
Tribune Office TO examine his exchanges
1t was cold day in winter, and the jan
itor looking in, found him hudled up
close TO the radiator, poring over his pa
Pers, evidently enjoying the warmth. A
very visible smile was on the janitor's
face when he exclaimed to the disun-
guished editor:
Didn't yon know that there was no
heat in the building on Sunday ?"
. No" thundered Greely; q shall be
cold the rest Of the afternoon now"
And ne went on with his exchanges -
Buffalo Commercial
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
Real Merit

Is the Characteristic Of Hoods ssrsapa-
rilla, and il Is manifested every day in
the remarkable cures this poediciD. a.
eomPiishes. Druggists say When We
sells bottle Of Hoods Sarsaparilla to q
new customer We are sure 10 sec him back
IN few weeks after uore,-proving that
the good results from trial bottle wsr-
rant continuing us use. This positive
merit Hoods Sarsaparilia possesses bv
virtue Of the Peculiar Combination. Pro
portion and Process used in It's prepara-
ton, and BY which all the remedial val
ue Of the Ingredients u-ed is retained.
Hoods sarszparilla IS thus Peculiar to
itself and absolutely unequalled in its
power as blood purifier. and a. = tonic
for building Up the weak and weary, snd
giving nerve strength.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
seasonabIe Reflection.

What TO do in honor Of Christmas dav >
Reflect little and answer. To enforce
Just self discipline and eliminate mean
sel6shness and ignoble passion from the
heart Is to do ones duty as the historic
associations Of the day should suggest !.
to forgive Is always noble; to give with
wise discrimination IS both philosophi-
cal and phiiantbrOpic: to be kind and
cheerful is % enjoy happiness and reflect
its serene influence upon Others 10 plant
here and there in liEe's great field sone
seed that shall germinate and bring forth
ho~ers Of beauty, redolent Of sweetest
odor, IS the manifestation of refresbino
love that may appropriately End expess-
ion in Merry Christmas.
Christmas comes but once ayear and
It Is very lucky for the man with a l.rg.
family that he has Hty-two weeks 10
catch up before the next one arrives
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
He Didn't Get the Better of Pat.


some time sgoI was trading in vii
Iage store, writes a correspondent. when
one Of the clerks came to the junior part
ner, who ehanced to be waiting on me.
and said Won't you please step to the
desk a moment? Pat Flynn wants n
settle his bin, and insists on having re-
eeipt."
The merchant was evidently a7noved.
why what does he want Of rsceiutq'
ne said, we never give one. simplv
cross his account of the book thar Is
receipt enough
$50 / told him, answered the clerk
but he is not satisfied. You had better
see him
% the proprietor stepped to the desk.
and after greeting Pat with aoo~l
morning. sAiO: Iou wish 10 settle
your bill, did you? % to which Pat replied
in the affirmative.
Web" said the merchant. atbere is
no need of giving you a receipt. sell
viii Cross your account ofthe book. and
suiting the action to the word he drew
his pencil di4gOually across the account.
That IS as good as a receipt
And do ye name that settles it ?" ask
ed Pat
THAT settles i, - said the merchant
"And y're shure ye1l never be afther
asking me fur it again.
We'll never ask you for it again, said
the merchant, decidedly.
Faith, then" said Pat, @and III be
aither kaPing me money in me pocket.
for haven't paid it vet"
The merchants face flushed angrily. a.
he replied "Oh. well, can rub that
out
Faith, now, and 1 thought that same"
said Pat
1t is needless to add that Pat obtained
his receipt.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
A Safe investment.

Is one which is guaranteed to bring
you satisfactory results or in case offaiIure
a return Of purchase price. On this safe
plan you can buy from our advertised
Druggist bottle of DIR. Kings New
niscovs.y Ior Consumpsioa. Its ouaran-
teed to bring relief in every case, -neu
used for any affection Of Throat. Lungs
or Chest, such as Consumption, Inham-
nation Of Lungs. Bronchitis, Asthma,
whOoping Cough, Group, etc, etc. It is
pleasant and agreeable to taste, perfectly
safe, and can always be depended upon.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
A BACHELORS REGRETS.

- oHOHEIOHS hEGRE Is
Stealing through the halls Of memory
Comes the sound Of tripping feet,
Comes troop OF laughing asidens
To ny bachelor retreat
Eyes Of midnight, eyes OF azure.
Golden hair and ebon curis
Surely ne'er were bound together
Such a bunch Of merry girls
Do rise and bid then welcome.
No. fkin would barthe door.
For knoE they come 10 tauut me
With the long gone days Of yore.
Iney are only fancy's creatures,
Blooms o. early summer, tOss'd
On The sSarn OF waning autumn,
let dread these chances lost
There is sibyI, Ike fairy
Upshe steals behind my chair,
On my eyelids rest her fingers.
! must guess what maid is there
lam sure you liked me, sibyl:
Had I dared my love avow.
fou l susSs-confound my slOWness
What's the use Of guessing nov
Dorothy, you lille Quaker,
How loved your looks demure
Your best Wespons Weie your bushes.
For their wounds time cannot cure.
Wen knew your heart was sunshine.
Ihst restraint you could discard.
was thinking Of proposing
Nhea got your wedding card
Meta, charming. stately Netta-
Meta with the cheek Of snow,
You and | were nearly i0vers
In the golden long ago.
focFe ma who always made me
Very welcome az the heuse;
You've friend who. had he eoursre
would today have been your spouse.
Laura, I shall ere remember
ThGtsweet evening a. the beach.
Scores OF times before my mirror
I'd rehesrsed e certain speech.
What a splendid chance had, dear.
Buttoning that tiny glovel
But prartled-thzt's the word, dear
Frattled everything but love
Pretty shadows ere you leave ne,
Ny confession pray you hear,
sxtOl this blank existence
To the worlds sstonished ear;
But when lonely, in my chamber,
on I reckon up the cot.
And I think in deepest sorrow
Of the chances have lost
" Y. Heru6a.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13

We listen to whom We know to be Of
the sane opinion as ourselves, and we
call them wise for being Of ii; but We a
void such as differ from Us; We pronounce
them rash before We have heard them.
and siih more afersard, lest We should
De thought al any time to have erred
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13

Character is ike the grand old cathe-
dral bell Reputation is the brass tin
tinnablum of the loud-mouthed auction
eer-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13

Begins at the foo, of the Iadder-the
hod carrier.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
EkRDfELL
lNTIT

-ls E-ock 1p-stAirs. where ne
- Ne prepared % Go az kinds
-...--.9.s. ---.9s. regl-etlng. extracting.
- AZ Kinds and Of the besf
Al Eork E1arsutaed
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13

Love never has to % to school to learn
how to speak.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13

Where hard work kills one man worrv
kills dozen.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13

We have the Finest and the
most Complete Assortment of new
and popular styles you ever laid
your eyes on.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1892-01-13
CARPETINGS.
TRUNKS AND SACHELs.

We pay special attention to
Trunks and Sachels, and
always strive to keep just
what the people want in
this Line, at the lowest
possible prices. We have
lately enlarged our