davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
CAUGHT BY A TALKER.
A VolubIe Salesman Paralyzes a Country
Customer.

A Voluble Salesman Paralyzes a Country
Customer.
One of Waterville's dry goods houses
has a head clerk who is a most &C.
complished salesman, and is kept busy
from morn till V by customers de-
sirous of being waited upon by him.
Not long ago he was highly compli-
mented. He had a countryman in the
store and was showing him a very
handsome piece of dress goods, not
with any hope of selling it, still there
was some slight chance Of so doing,
and besides, it is necessary, as our
friend claims, to keep constantly in
practice.
So he dashed ahead in fine style,
praiging the richness of the pattern,
extolled the texture of the fabric, held
it up to a favorable light, vouched it's
observation-disclosures for years to come
and, in short, let loose a torrent of elo-
uuence in which it was difficult to dis
tinguish viii h was most fattered, the
good taste of the admiring rustic or
the quality Of the magnificent stuff.
The mans eyes flashed with pride at
complimentary illusions to himself and
with unconcealed establishment at the
development of beauty in the goods
and 6uency in the salesman.
Catching our friend by the arm he
exclaimed: "Stay right mere one min
ute! I" and rushed out.
"Eloquence" stood still, a little
bothered, holdin the bolt of goods
across both hands, just as though he
had frozen in the attitude in which he
had so thoroughly impressed the rural
gentleman. Meanwhile this last named
individual whisked two bouncing girls
out of a carryall that stood in front of
the store, and, half pushing, half pull
nag them, brought them in front Of
him with the fluent tongue.
"Gals, stand there right there, Sally.
And now mister, cut loose again. 1
just want the gals to hear you"
It is almost needless to say that our
friend was utterly overwhelmed with
his emotions and for at least once in
his life failed in his utterance to the
great disappointment of both father
and daughters. The man bought the
piece of goodsan no doubt will always
think with regret what the daughters
missed.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
WIPING EN- OUT.

We have all heard of the two snakes
who swallowed each other, and we
read of two families near Blountville,
Ala, which have performed the same
act matrimonially. Johnson had five
sons and Wright five girls. The five
Johnson boys did the right thing by
marrying the five Wright girls. Then
Mrs. Johnson and Mr.. Wright died,
and after the grief period was over
Mr.. johnson Married Mrs. Wright,
thus wiping out the Wright family
which was quite right under the cir
Cumstances.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
H DEANS Joke.
By Which He Got a Warm Corner at the
Fire.

\ funny story is told of Dean Swift,
who was a witty man and fond of a
joke at the expense of other people,
as most witty people are. One very
cold night when he was travelling he
stopped at a little inn. There was
only one fire in the house and the
guests of the inn, crowding about it,
left no place for the newcomer.
With a solemn face Dean Swift
called to the hostler and told him to
get a peck of oysters Immediately and
take them out to his horse.
"Wm your horse eat oysters, sirl'
asked the astonished man.
"Just take them out and see," said
the horses master.
The people around the fire stared at
the man that owned this curious horse
and nearly every one of them left his
seat and went out to see the remarkable
horse eating oysters.
Then the cunning Dean made himself
comfortable in the warmest corner and
ordered his supper.
Presently back came the hostler,
with the disappointed crowd after
him.
"He won't touch them sir, cried the
hostler.
"Then take the foolish animal all
the oats he a eat" replied Dean
Swift. "You can bring the oysters
here. I'll eat them for supper my
| self"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19

and ~apologized without levity. I have
been In swimming with alligators and
enjoyed their company; have rolled
across rivers on ice that bent under me
ikea mattress, and felt confident; have
been Iulled to sleep by the rocking of
an earthquake, and have drilled out
the tamping over a charge of dynamite
without sweating. I have been in Jor-
a w~alst-deep time and again, and
when everybody said adams is gone
this time" I smiled to myself and
waded back to this shore; and yet l
never felt fear or smelt danger until I
sat down in this editors chair.
Talk about your dynamite, unloaded
guns and foot-adzes, why, they amt a
circumstance compared to this tool I've
been using for the last two weeks. A
fellow al hurt himself oftener and
quicker and worse, wound his friends
deeper, do more mischief and raise more
hell with everybody around him in one
day with his tool than he could in q life
time with a foot-adz.
No, gentle reader, I'm Woodward: but
[ realize that my posterity will be hap
pier and more numerous if l drop this
pen and get a job in a powder mill.
w. p. G.. ADAMS.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
HOW THEY ATE AND DRANK.
Famous Mes Who Loved Good things for
Their StOmach's Sake.

Their StOmach's Sake.
David Hume, says the National
ReUieU, after retiring from public life
in 1859, devoted himself to cooking as
1.-THE science to which intend to addict
the remaining years of my life. x
I have just now lying on the table be-
fore me a receipt for making soupe a la
refine, copied with my hand: for
beef and cabbage, a charming dish,
nobody excells me I make also sleeps
broth in a manner that Mr.. Keith
speaks of for eight days after, and the
Due de Nivernous would bind himself
apprentice to my lass to learn it."
Gibbon was extremely fond of ma
deira, and declared that it was essential
to his health and reputation" He
would always crafty his taste for it,
in spite of the protests of his physicians.
It is one of the saddest privileges of the
doctors profession to see the worst
side of human nature, and, like ~violets,
to learn more of the weakness than the
heroism of his employers. Some hours
before his death Gibbon picked a wing
of chicken and drank three glasses of
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
A MODEL WITNESS.

"Now, sir, 1 hope we shall have no
difficulty in getting you to speak up"
said the lawyer, in a loud, COM
handing voice. 81 hope not, sire"
shouted the witness at the top of his
lungs. How dare you speakto me in
that way9" angrilly asked the lawyer.
Because I can't speak no louder,
sir" said the hostler. "Have you
been drinking?" Coffee" hoarsely
~vociferated the knight Of the stable.
Something stronger than coffee, sir,
you've been drinkingl Don't look at me
like that, sir!" furiously, "Look at
the jury, sir! Did you have something
in yourc coffee, sir9" Yes, sir" "What
was it9" Sugar" "Now, sir" turn
ing to the witness, "look at me. What
beside sugar did you take in your coffee
this morning9" The hostler collected
his forces, drew a deep BREATH, and in
a voice that could have been heard half
a mile away, beloved out, GA spune!
A spune, an nothin' er'-BOstOn
Globe
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
HE KNEW HOW TO DO 1T.
The Mar Who Relieved a Tired Woman
of Her Baby.

There are two ways of doing every
thing. Two gentlemen standing on the
corner of Fourth and Washington ave-
nue. noticed a young, delicate, almost
fragilelooking woman come from the
direction of the big bridge, says the ST.
Louis Republic. She was carrying a
baby and leading a little child about
four years old. It was evident that she
was fatigued and that the slender arms
could scarcely bear the burden they
held, while the little fellow clinging to
her skirts was fretful and so tired that
his legs could hardly toddle. Both
gentlemen noted the weary woma as
she passed them, and heard her remark
that they had "only six more blocks"
to walk.
Il would help that woman If /
dared" said one Of the gentlemen,
but if I should speak to her she
would resent it and l would only have
my trouble for my pains. I tried that
kind Of a thing once and the
called an officer and I narrowly es-
capped arrest"
"Well, I'm going to help her and I
don't think I'll be arrested" said his
friend.
Walking up to the tired little woman
the gentleman said in a low tone:
"You are about to drop that baby;
it is too heavy for you; let me
carry it."
Without waiting for a reply he lifted
/ the child out of her arms, and she was
| so sglad to be relieved of the load that
| she forgot to befrightened. AS the lit
| tie woman and her benefactOr disaD-
peared down the street the other gem
| tleman said: IF had done that she
would have screamed and there would
have been a sensational street scene"
| He was probably correct.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19

his favorite wine, which testified to the
strength of his digestion rather than to
the obedience he paid to his medical
advisers.
Burnsafter his first literary triumphs
was, as is only too we'll known, admit.
ted for a time into the company of the
great, where he late spiced meats and
drank rare wines" He was ~unfortun-
ately guilty Of wild excuses, and his
intemperance probably cut short his
days.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
REFUNDED THE CASH.
Amusing Incident of the Recent Drought
in China.

A4 ~@AAA4~
The story of the drought in China is
curious. Every ten days during the
drought a Zimmerman -" issued procla-
nations forbidding the slaughtering of
animals for only two days at a time.
At first these proclamations were very
mild, but later one read thus:
"Obeying my superiors this procla-
nation is issued, and again we beseech
the favor of Heaven. Sheep, hogs and
all such animals must not be slaUght-
cred, nor must there be any barter in
them. Chickens, ducks, fish and
shrimps must not be sold for food.
Onions and garlic must not be eaten.
Let no n lightly or negligently re-
gard this. If anyone purposely disre-
gard this proclamation he will be
brought before the magistrate, beaten
and made to wear the cangue."
Before the paste of this proclamation
was dry the hsien's Cor magistrate'g
cook entered the yamen, but he was
challenged, examined and some fish
found on him.
Although the runners were told that
the. fish was for the hsien, they turned
a deaf ear, and, reminding the cook of
the cast-iron proclamation, relieved him
of the fish.
The cook duly reported the matter to
the hsien, and the two runners, who
dared to carry out his own proclama-
ton, were beaten and made to refund
the two hundred dollars cash paid out
for the fish.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
IN FRANCE.
A Writer Who Thinks 1t Is a Pronounced
Failure,

Jules Simon will publish shortly in
Paris a book called 1.-THE Women of
the Twentieth Century" 1.-The De-
cline of Matrimony" would be a title
more accurately descriptive.
The book treats, M. Simon said
recently, of the dissolution of the
family, especially among the working
classes. The wife has become a work
ing woman, the book says, passes her
whole dayand often a part of the night
in the factory, the husband goes his in
depend, mt way and the end is the end
of the marriage contract. When asked
many years ago why he did not like to
marry, the French w~orkingman an
swered:
q would marry if l could get a
divorce when l thought it necessary. "
Now that divorce has been intro
duced, however, the number OF mar
riages has failed to increase and the
number Of separations grows from year
to year. In 1890 the number of mar
riages in France was 3,6O2 less than in
1889. In 1881 there were 1, 657 divorces
to 10, 900 marriages; in 1890 there were
5,457 divorces to 10, 900 marriages.
The day is near at hand, N. Simon
thinks, when there will be as many
divorces as marriages in France.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
OF An APPLE.

An English paper says that in the
year 1853 a girl, still at school, planted
five Pips of a good apple, sort W.
known, in a garden at Grantham,
Lincolnshire. All grew, but four died,
the fifth continued to grow. Seven
years afterward the erstwhile school
girl became a wife, and moved to
Stamford. Having a sort of affection
for the tree she had watched seven
years-although it had never a bios
som-she took it with her and it was
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
Poetry.
THE CONDUCTORS STORY.
MAuRIcE e. M~cLouqRLrN.

MAURICE Il.
When a man has been railroadin' twenty long
He gifts kinder hardened an tough,
Al scenes of a%T1iction don't trouble him much,
Gauss his natur' is COarse-like an rough.
But q scene that took place on my train one
An among the adventures which 1 have been
That night jist stands out all alone.
Twas a bitter cold night, an the train was
Every berth in the sleeper was taken;
The people had Jist turned in for the night,
An the train for New York was a-makin'
When, Jlst as the people to snOre had begun, an
l, with a satisfied sigh,
Had sat down in a chair for a short rest, l heard
The sound of a young baby's cry.
1T was one o. those loud, aggravatin'-like
o. the the pattern that make you list itch
FOR IA gun, or an axe, an excites up your mind
With wild thoughts o. murder an SIGH.
1t went through that car, and | needn't remark
That the snOrin' stopped right there an then,
An that sleeper was filled with a billin' hot
o. mad women and wild, swearin' men.
The curtains iist then that concealed berth Is
Were opened an out came a man.,
As fine a young Teller as ever l seen,
But his face was all white-hke an wan.
An commenced walkin' down through the
A tryin' to stop it's loud screechin'-but pshaw!
1t seemed to get wuss every mile.
A idea seemed to strike one old Teller jist
then
A n he said to the pale faced young man,
1t seems to me stranger, that kid could be stiled
By a simple an feasible plan;
The noise that it's maxim betrays what it
needs
The child wants its mother, that's plain;
An why don't you call her? Ten chances to
one,
She's slespin' somewhere on the train
"A look then came over that young fathers
face,
look full of anguish an pain,
A l0Ok that will haunt me as long as l live,
AS long as l work on a train;
An he answered that man, in a hOarse, stihed
voice,
That sounded as though from affair
Her mother Is sleeping on board of this train
In a box in the baggage car"
-Ne1p York HernLH.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
HE WOULD STARE.
And at First the Lady's Husband Re
scented it, But Not Long.

A comely young woman, styliskly
dressed, with a very pretty face and
fully rounded figure, entered the
Brooklyn Bridge car, says the New
York Advertiser, accompanied by a
well built, muscular young fellow,
apparently her husband. She was a
woman upon whom no man could look
but with admiration, and she attracted
universal attention as the pair passed
through the cars and finally took seats
together.
Opposite them sat a well-dressed,
middle-aged man, evidently a man Of
the world in comfortable circum-
stances, who at once fixed his gaze
upon the face of the lady and con
tinued to stare at her with such a per-
sistent scrutiny as to attract attention
from every one in the vicinity. The
lady OOn became conscious of the
stare, and was evidently confused and
embarrassed at it's continuance. 1t is
true that the m~iddle-aged man did not
make any sign or offer any advances
or betray any of these attempts at
familiarity that are practiced by oglers,
He simply looked and kept looking, not
turning his face away once, and max
ing but brief answers to remarks by a
young man who was with him.
Meanwhile the husband of the lady
had been gradually worked up to a
pitch Of great Indignation at the action
of the understandable starer. The lady
spoke to him quietly, and was evidently
DESTROYS of avoiding a scene, and made
a little start to restrain him as he use
from his seat. The husb and, however,
was now Infatuated, for, in spite of the
lady's discomforture and the husbands
ire, the old unimpassioned, but persist
ent stare was continued. The pAssen-
gers became interested, and it was
obvious that something exciting would
soon occur. The husband got up, white
withindignation, and stepped across the
the aisle and put his hand on the
shoulder of the middle aged man, and
in a straightforward, manly way said
this:
Sir, you have been staring at that
lady long enough. You have not taken
| your eyes from her face since since she
entered this car. Your staring is not
only an impertinence, but it is insulting
and you must stop it,"
OF course the other passengers ex-
pected a row at once. The lady was in
evident trepidation, and it was evident
that for her sake, if not for the sake of
decency, the young husband would
have plenty of help should he need it
to deal with the offender. But there
was a sudden and indeed dramatic re-
vulsion of feeling when the middle
aged man, instead of showing fight said
this:
REALLY, 1 beg your pardon, sir. 1
had no intention Of annoying the lady.
I assure you I did not know what 1
was doing. could not see her, for 1
am totally blind, as this young man
who has charge of me will tell you"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
HOUSEROLD.
DROPPED EGGS.

EGGS.
Break the number of eggs desired for
the meal into a pan of boiling water
slightly sailed, with muffin rings laid
On the bottom of the pan, as they keep
the shape of the eggs well. Care should
be taken not to break the yolks. When
the whites harden, take the eggs up
carefully and lay each on a piece of
Of toasted bread that has been moist.
Oned in hot water and buttered.
Sprinkle with pepper.
APPLE DUMPLINGS.
Take light bread dough, and shorten
with a little butter. Roll and cut into
balls the size of dumplings. Drop these
into boiling water, with a little salt
added. Boil one or II hours. Have
ready a dish of apple sauce, break
open the dumplings and spread.
Put the dumplings together again, and
serve with sweetened milk. In this
ease you know that the apples are
done.
COFFEE ROLLS
One pint hot milk, one-half cup but
ter and lard mixed, one teaspoon salt,
one-half cup yeast, n egg, flour to
mix. Mix with a knife as soft as can
be handled, and cut it thoroughly. In
the morning knead well, make into
large balls. then roll each ball between
the hands into rolls six inches long.
Place them so they will not touch in
the pan after rising. When light bake
IN a hot oven.
FRIED MUFFINS.
One cup milk, scalded, one-half scant
teaspoon salt, one tablespoon sugar,
one tablespoon butter, one egg, one
quarter cup yeast, -four to make a stiff
drop batter. Scald the milk and melt
in it the salt, sugar and butter. When
cool add the beaten egg and yeast;
then add -four gradually, beating it
in until you can beat no longer. Rise
over night. In the morning take up a
spoonful without stirring and drop it
into deep fat.
CHOCOLATE CARAMELS.
Two cups of brown sugar, one cup Of
molasses, one cup of cream or milk,
n half cup of butter one-half pound
of grated chocolate, two tablespoon
f1ls of -four. Boil the molasses, butter,
sugar and -four fifteen minutes; stir
the chocolate into the cream and pour
in the boiling syrup and boil till done
drop in a little cold water; if it piles
up and hardens, then it is done. Before
pouring it out on buttered pans or plates
add a teaspoonful of vanilla, and as it
eools crease it in small squares.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19

"Wall, he hain't told no startlin'
news. I've been wearin' No. rs ever
since I was a gal sixteen years old, and
I've got the smallest feet of any woman
in our town as it is. 1 did feel kinder
sorry when 1 diskivered that I'd left
my spectacles On the kitchen clock
shelf at home, but if that's all the news
the papers kin rake up l guess 1 hain't
missed nothing"
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-07-06
SPORTING TRIPLES.

Chicago has colored bicycle club.
:, Alvord is playing a great third with
Fort Wayne.
Washington's jump has occasioned some
astonishment.
The newspaper mems league has been re-
vived in Cleveland.
Pitcher Terry signed recently by Pitts
burg, is proving good one.
Manager Chapman is about to sue the
Louisville club for years salary.
Pitchers Meekin and Jones have been re-
leased by the Louisville club George Hem
ming, late Of tn . Cincinnatis, has been en-
gagged to pitch.
AlfKennedy andBilly Myer, left Chi.
cagofor streator recently. Kennedy has
decided that Myers will do all his training
for the coming fight with Jack McAuliffe
at his own home.
Carroll has declined to make a match
with Billy Maher, stating that lie (CarroD
would challenge the winner of the Myers
4McAuliffe fightin February or March next
before any club in the country offering the
largest purse.
PIERRE LoRDILLARD has bought Sensation
from the Countess de Agreda. He has1pur-
chased the undefeated son of bennington
and Susan Became for $4,000 Sensation is
brother to Onondaga and Susquehannaand-
sire OF last years Suburban winner, Loan
taxa.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1892-07-06
SINS AND SINNERS.

A YOUNG man shoots and kills his sisters
assailant in court in New York.
A STRANGE dream leads to the arrest of a
young woman in st. Paul on the charge Of
embeZZlemenr.
A YOUNG man is arrested in St. Paul for
passing sixty-nine spurious checks. A man
of the same age is arrested in Minneapolis
for forging fifty checks.
Robert Barber killed his brother John,
at Cedarville, Ohio, during quarrel. The
murderer literally beat his victim, who is
a cripple, to death with his fists.
At Birmingham, Tex, nine convicts
with stone in hand, charged the guard and
attempted to escape. The guard fired on
them killing one and wounding four others.
Two of them are likely to die. Four escap-
ed one being recaptured.
Over twenty fights occurred oneSunday on
an excursion train going from Muncie, Ind,
to Celina, Ohio. An unknown man was
knocked from the train and is supposed to
have been killed. Adolph Gates of Parker,
Ind. had his skull crushed and will pro-
badly de-
The celebrated Mitchell case, in which
Alice Mitchell is Ito betried under plea
otpresent insanity, which she sets up as an
excuse for killing Freda Ward, was called
in the criminal court in Memphis, and
continued until July IL, on account of the
state failing to secure two witnesses.