The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1892-11-23
Mistell


Drown, my boy, there's nothing like II.
It's better than French in six weeks be-
cause you can work it into yourself in
month so that you can hardly say or think
anything without following the rule Take
this beautiful selection, which recalls our
schoolboy days: The boy stood on the
burning deck, comma, whence all but he
had fed, senicolon the flames that lit the
the battles wreck, comma, shone around
him DER the dead, period That's grand;
that's inspiring. You have all the beauty
and all the sentiment, and besides you
punctuate az you go along, and so mingle
the artistic and che useful"
Brown was quite taken with this new
plan for learning how to punctuate prop
erly He had often felt like brother to
the fellow who wrote n book without any
punctuation whatever, simply adding in
an appendix II plete list of punctuation
marks, from which the reader could select
and punctuate as much or as little as he
pleased.
The first lesson went off swmmingly.
Brown so fell into the spirit of it that as
he walked up the street afterward he
found himself soliloquizing: II wonder,
comma, if had better get that paregoric,
comma, for the baby, comma, before go
slipped up on a piece of banana skin aud
went down fat with two exclamation
points and enough stars to equip several
issues of blanket sheet"
For the first time in his life he felt like
using the dash" and also making dash
for the miscreant who threw that murder
Gus peel there. He lay on the pavement
long enough to denote several paragraphs,
then got up with difficulty and limped
down the street. But the magic power of
that first lesson was still upon him, and
meeting a newsboy he began, "Well, com
ma, my boy, comma, have you The Star?
interrogation point" The sharp eyed lit
tie rascal stared at him curiously, and then
replied: "Com-ahS Come off. When did
yer 'scape from tn 'sylum2'
After punctuating the town generally
during the next two hours and getting
crowd of small boys at his heels, whom he
escaped by seeking refuge in an empty
school building-a place the average boy
never enters if he can help it-he took
home to his dear family somewhat bat
tered but still large supply of punctuation.
At 2 a. m his wife nudged him, John
John, there are burglars in the housel
"What-ah? Burglars, burglars" Now
wide awake, he sprang to the floor eX-
claiming, Dearest, comma, Will ueIenu
you, comma even with my hearts blood,
comma, if necessary, exclamation point"
| He then threw open the chamber door right
in the face of two masked burglars, who
held pistols to his breast and demanded,
"Your money or your lifep'
With one whirl of his strong right arm
he dashed the pistols aside, two bullets
perforating the hall window instead of his
head, as was intended. With two more
whirls of that trusty arm he sent the
burglars, as surely and swiftly as one sem
tence follows another in the mouth
of two-hundred-a-m speaker, out
through the window after the bullets,
remarking: There, comma, now, comma,
you can hunt your bullets at your leisure,
period. Call again, comma, and I'll show
you how to punctuate better, comma, but
you can't put period to my existence just
yet, period"
Then, rushing back to his wife, he ex-
claimed, Joy of my life, exclamation
point, light of my eyes, more exclamation
points, come to my arms, period" They
fell, weeping upon each others necks.
Stars and dashes come in here, denoting a
| domestic scene too sacred for the eyes and
ears Of the vulgar public