St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-11-13


stnltify. Being unable to do without
guide he determined to get amusement
affection OF his society. Hc has cflron-
iced The result IN a famous chapter in
his 'i6n6tents Abroad The guide.
finding that Mark Twatn's party
3Fs w5 2TlF'Sa AID f T49 A'p which
Americans always exhibit before any
relic of Columbus, drags them to the
municipal palace to gaze upon re letter
writing by Christopher Colombo Write
1t himself-write it wis his own hand
Comcp'
After much impressive flimbling of
keys and opening of locks. the stained
and AGED document was spread before
u.s. The guides eyes sparkled. He
danced before us. and tapped the parch-
ment with his finger:
"'What l tell you, gentlemen! Is it
not so? See! handwriting Christopher
Columho-write it himself.
1--WE looked Indifferent, unconcerned.
The doctor examined the document very
deliberately during 4 painful pause.
Then he said. without any show of i'll
terest:
"'Ah = Ferguson - what-what did
you say was the name of the party who
WrOte this"
Christopher Colombo! Re great
Christopher Colombon
Another deliberate examination.
".Ah-did he write it himself, Or
how?'
"'He write it himself! Christopher
Colnmbol he's own handwriting; he
write it himselfn
Then the doctor laid down the doc
ument and said:
"Why. have seen boys in America
only fourteen years old that could write
better than that"
When Chris Was on a Bust.
In vain the guide protests and calls
attention again and again to the fact
that it is the great Christopher Inc
Americans declare the handwriting is
the worst they ever saw, warn him that
ne must not attempt to impose upon
them because they are strangers, that
they are not fools Ov good deal, and
order him. if he has got no specimens OF
mcrtOrious penmanship to trot out,
then To drive them on to the next place.
They drive on. The guiue is consider
ably shaker up. hut he makes one more
venture He takes the Visitor to see
bust of Columbus. Mr.. Twain shall re
sumo the narrative.
"IIc brought us before the beautiful
bust-f0r it was beautiful and Sprang
back and struck an attitude.
"'Ah, look, gentlrmen!-beautiful,
grand-buSt Christopher Colombo!-
beautiful bust. beautiful pedestaln
1.-The doctor put up his eye-glass-pro-
cured for such OCCASIONS:
"'Ah, what did you say this gentle
mans name was"
CHRISTOPHER Colombo! re great
Christopher Colombon
christopher Colombo = the great
Christopher Colombo. Well, what did
he do?
"'Discover America!-dlscover Amer
lea, oh, re dealH
Discover America? No. that state
ment will hardly wash. We are just
from America ourselves. We heard
nothing about it. Christopher Colombo
pleasant name-is-is he dead"
"'Oh, corpo d Baccho! 800 yearSH
"'What did he die OF"
az do not know; cannot tell
"'SmaIlpoX, think"
81 do not know, gentlemen! do
not know what he died Off
Measles, likely"
"'May be, may be, do not know, L
think he died Of Something.'
"'Parents living"
"Impossibler
"Ah, which is the bust and which is
the pedestal " lao
"'Santa Maria Ills re bust?-zis re
pedestalp
"'Ah, see. l see-happy combina-
tion-very happy combination. indeed.
Is this the first time this gentleman was
ever Oh bust?'
THAT joke" concludes Mark Twain,
twas lost on the foreigner-guideS can
not master the Subtleties of the Amer
lean joke"
But after all this deliberate and made
up fun, this pretended ignorance, excel
lent as it is, is not as delightful as the
unconscious humor of real ignorance
which has frequently played around the
subject of Columbus. Mark Twain has
himself acknowledged this.
A Swedish Boys Simple Tale.
Apparently genuine is composition
said to have been offered i'll a Swedish
school some dozen years ago. Here is
rough translation: columbus was a
person who could make an egg stand
upon end without breaking 1t. The
king of Spain said to Columbus:
Can you discover America" i
can that said Columbus, if you
will give me Ship He got a ship and
sailed over the sea in the direction
where he thought America ought to be.
The crew kicked and said there wasn't
any such place. But after several days
Of sailing the mate came to Columbus
and said, L see land 1t is America, said
Columbus. when the ship landed the
shore was full of black men. Columbus
asked is this America? Yes, it is,
they said. Them said Columbus, L
suppose you are Indians That's what
we are, they said, and YOU said their
chief. Il suppose you are Columbus?
Right you are said he. The chief
turned to his men, It's no use,' he said,
we have been discovered at last
A translation Of this composition
seems to have fallen into the hands of
Henry E. Dixey, who, in the latter days
of "Adonis," used to recite a revised
version of 1t, more elabora tely grotesque.
but without the naive simplicity OF the
great original.