davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
THE MATRIMONIAL PROBLEM.

am in love with maidens twain.
And both recipTocate nv passion,
And one has beauty. one Is plain.
Yet each IS charming-in her fashion
The time has come when I must pop
To one-or both-the awful question,
But which 20 take and which 70 drop,
Is too much foE my brain digestion
Gay Kate is more than Boston smart:
She went with ease right through a college,
And twenty horses 10 a cart
Could not convey her load Of knowledge.
But then-in the domestic line
For prizes she is never looking:
She has mind that wants 70 shine.
Unhampered BY such things as cooking.
Plain Mary may OF ancient lore
And present knowledge be deficient
Yet lat she knows l. surely for
husbands happiness sufficient
While she might in parlor grand
Be not as brilliant as another,
There's naught she doesn't understand
When il the kitchen helping mother
She has no wish abroad 70 roam.
She doesn't think she has mission"
To humbly strive 70 make a home
Is all the height OF her ambition
somstines think that han dsome Kate,
With sparkling WIT and wondrous learning,
Wfl-thOugh housekeeping she may hate
Give me the bliss for which I'm yearning.
Then comes the thought-wEen Kate some
day
Finds that IN knowledge she's above me,
VIII she love, honor and obey,
Or from her circle try 20 shove me?
Then modest Mary. plain and sweet,
Fond only OF home : homely pleasures,
And making things so good 10 eat,
Looms up as best OF wifsly treasures.
II both could be condensed In one,
Why then I'd surely we'd perfection,
But as they can't am undOne
With how 10 make . wise selection
VIII Kate, with beauty and mind
Above such common things as cooking,
Make me home in which 20 find
The bliss for which all men are lookingf
VIII quiet Mary, plain OF face.
Who in the kitchen finds her mission"
Make home, sweet home the dearest place
II which 20 better mans condition.
VIII those uOw married help me OUT,
For, By experience they're able;
Which is the best beyond a doubt
The paFIOr or the dinner table;
H C. Dodge. in GoodaII's sun
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

the hand rail. and just as we were pre-
pairing to give him another shot he
dragged his face into the light.
1T was Charlie! We both had hit
himl
Pull out, Jim, and save the boxP
That was all he said. 1t was the
box Ise had thrown into the tender.
No matter how much there was in it.
the stuff wasn't worth the life of the
boy who saved il to the company.
While lifted Charlie up into the seat
Tom threw the old engine wide open
and we ran away from the train, rob-
bers and all
1T was forty miles to the nearest
station, a small government post Tom
fed and worked the engine. sat on
the seat beside Charlie and held him up
The rattle and rumble of the wheels
accused me at esery revolution.
They seemed to be repeating the
words: You've killed him. You've
killed him. Tom made those forty
miles in an hour; good time over that
road at that day, but it seemed to me
an age. As we were running in. Tom
gave the bell and whistle both, and
then when she came to a stand he fired
two shots. The blue-coats were out in
a jiffy.
Everything was told in fow words.
Charlie was carried into the quarters
and turned over to the surgeon. a fine
old fellow named Hamilton. With an
escort of twenty men we ran back to
the train. The robbers had left il.
Fin ding the express empty of treasure,
they had tried to 60 through the train.
There were 90 many revolvers among
the passengers and they drew off.
when we reached the post again
Surgeon Hamilton walked up to the
cab. Are you Jim Cook? said he.
nodded. Take these to Mr.. Whites
wife, and he handed me Charities
watch, a handbook and a bunch of
KEYS lie told me to tell you,' the
surgeon went on. not to feel bad about
that shot. The road agents found him
with that last volley, and he would
have gone under anyhow from his
other wounds His body will go back
with you on your return, and l will
give you a letter to the express COM
pany.'
ON cFlct4 ike CHllu- coutunk
cry; my brain seemed To be on fire;
was thinking one minute of how re-
proachfnlly Charlie had looked at me
when he swung into the cab with dy-
ing effort. and the next of a frail little
woman in Frisco who was patiently
waiting Charities return.
The company gave her a pension,
but she didn't need ii long"
What was in the box?" / asked.
Certificates of stock in a wildcat
mining scheme"
why"
cit was like this" said Jim, wiping
his eyes and bringing his story to a
close. The express agent saw that
somehow the fact that a shipment of
treasure was TO be made had leaked out
At the last moment he substituted
lot of worthless securities He saw
that he was Swallowed on the way to
the train and he acted mp at the depot
Just to throw the robbers off the scent
and to make them believe that the
shipment was really being made by
our train. Joe Quail. in Bystander.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
WIT AND WISDOM.


1T is a great deal easier to be con-
Rams Horn.
Getting in a pickle is not apt to
make man look well preserved. -
Yonkers Statesman.
Every sickness is little death.
will be content TO die oft, that may
die once well-Hall.
The ''horn of plenty" never falls
TO the lot of the man who takes plenty
of "horns. boston Courier.
When you are betting on an abso-
lutely sure thing save out five cents
for car-fare home. Post
The only man who makes much
capital out of what Re doesn't know is
the expert witness. - Elmira Gazette.
The conceited man is the only man
in the world who is sure of one admirer
who will never go back on him. Atchi-
son Globe.
-Woolen shirts and broken FIVE
dollar bill must be made of the same
material, Judging from the way they
shrink. -Danville Breeze.
If the parlor rocking-chair could
talk it would put a stop to much of the
grumbling about crowded street cars
-Binghamton Republican.
Partial Approval Ethel Showing
her engagement ring)-"Don't you ad-
mire his taste?" Maud-"Ye-es, as far
as iewelry is concerned IN. Y. Sun
-Yabsley-Wonder what is their
idea in making this Schweitzer cheese
so full of holes?" Madge-''Guess they
thought it needed little fresh air. -
Indianapolis Journal.
1t is not considered good form to
give up your seat in the street car to
the young woman whose new bracelet
shows up in high relief as she clings to
the strap Boston Transcript
One reason why the children thirty
years ago were so much better be-
haved than those of to-day is that
the people who tell about it were chill
dren thirty years ago. - Atchison
Globe.
Leap Year Did It-Tom-I was a
long time in doubt whether Miss Goode
would think favorably of my suit, but
it's settled at last Dick-Yes, such
things often come to pass in leap year.
Yankee Blade.
Will Not Lend Wash Tubs Mrs.
Black-What do you think of our near
neighbor? Mrs. Brown-That's just
what l think of her Mrs Black
What? Mrs. Brown-That she's near. y
Yankee Blade.
"A Leader ~ see young Leggs is
here tonight" Eyes; he is invited
everywhere In fact, he is now looked
upon as a leader in his set" why,
they say he has no brains" "He'hasn't
but he is one of the best dancers in so
ciety. IN. Y. Press.
-He-You can always tell when g
women has told all she knows about {
piece of neighborhood gossip. She
How? He-She concludes with, 81
should be glad to tell you all about it
hut ms Inns ore sealed IN Y Herald
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

HU UtO1te,
both in the way it acts, and in the
way it's sold, is DIR. Pierce's Favor
tie Prescription for women.
It acts in this way:
If you're weak or "run-down," it
builds you up; if you suffer from
any of the painful disorders and
arrangements peculiar to your sex,
it relieves and cures. 1t improves
digestion, enriches the blood, dis
pels aches and pains, brings refresh
ing sleep, and restores flesh and
strength. For all functional weak
nesses and irregularities, it's posi-
tive remedy. Hence,
It's sold in this way:
It's guaranteed to give satisfac-
ton, in every case, or the money
paid for it is refunded.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

1t is a common thing for persons te
call at the office of the city surveyor al
the city hall to inquire about the safety
of the spire of the Old South church, il
Boylston street, Boston. 1t is not gen.
orally known that this was modelled
after tower in France, and that in the
old world there are number of ''lean.
ing" towers at an angle much more
acute than that of the Old South. Al
Pisa and at Bologna there are striking
examples of the skill of architects in
this direction, and if such churche;
stood in Boston strong appeal woulc
be made to the inspector of buildings ia
the interest of public safety.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
Poultry Manure.

When the droppings are frozen they
quickly deteriorate in value after they
begin to thaw. To save them keep dry
earth or sifted coal ashes under the
roost as an absorbent and also sprinkle
plaster over the dirt Tie absorbent
material should be cleaned away as
often as possible, and before putting
the droppings in a barrel mix them well
with the absorbent If you nave gar
den plot Il will be no disadvantage to
spread the droppings on the ground.
especially after the ground has been
plowed or spaded, early in the season.
Farm and Eiresids
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

The woman who wants a simple bon
net for everyday wear can easily trim
it herself, for there are sold ready-mad,
bows that form the trimming, ant
which may have ties TO match Thes,
are oftenest the choux bows, that is
the cabbage bows of shaded velvet
Among those seen are green shading
into pink, dark blue into pale lavendar
and orange into dark green, put or
dark blue, black or brown bonneti
these bows would be in harmony, ane
the ties may either match the bow il
self and be Of shaded velvet, or else
perfectly plain of the same color as tn,
felt.-Ladies' Home Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
utility Costumes.

The tailor-made costumes for utility
purposes-shopping, walking, etc
are made with round skirts that JUS
clear the ground both front ant
back. Soft but roughed surface wool
ems, wide-wale diagonals, English
serges, Highland tweeds and Vicun,
cloths are used for these suits, ane
they are usually composed of cling
ing skirt and a medium-leugth jacket
with or without a vest. The costum,
is simply finished, either with machine
stitching or rows of very narrow Milar
gimp.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
Fire, Fire. That DreadfuI CIV

Is fraught with import doubly dire to the
unhappy man who beholds his dwelling or
his warehouse feeding the devouring ele-
ment uninsured. Happily most people who
can, insure-everything but health. Nine
tenths Of us neglect the preservation of this
when il is In palpable jeopardy. Incipient
indigestion, liver complaint. In grippe, in
action Of the kidneys and bladder and
malaria are all counteracted by Hostetter' s
Stomach Bitters
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

feelings were
moved by the tale chance remark led
him 10 tell Everyone who knows Jim
COok-and who doesn't know the
rugged engineer. one Of the oldest men
in the Union Pacific service?-knOws
that his heart is built in proportion to
his massive frame. Touch him right,
and no woman could be more tender;
rile him, and no grizzly could be more
fierce. Jim has ven exciting times in
the service of the Union Pacific, and
his mind is stored with "reminiscences
of the early days of transcOntinental
railroading.
We had been chatting in n rambling,
desultOry way of sDOw-bOund trains.
when the subject was suddenly shifted
and happened TO mention the robbery
of Northern Pacific train near Fargo.
Jim's manner changed instantly.
He had been leaning forward, rest
ing his elbows on his knees and sup
porting his chin with the palms of his
hands Now he sat bolt upright; his
eyes flashed and his whole manner
seemed TO Indicate that his brain was
cOnceiving a food of elOquence his
tongue could not fashion into words
One could see tragedy II his face. but
the next minute the expression
changed to one of pity. Then he be-
gan to talk. ! wish an adequate idea of
his manner of telling it could be given
with his story. He seemed to see the
thing he was describing.
Hold up" said he. II never was in
but one. and never hear of one that
doesn't call up the ghost of poor Char
lie White 70 haunt me Charlie was
an express guard in the early days A
pluekier little man never breathed He
had been a telegraph operator in
Frisco before he got on our run, and
knew him first rate. Knew his wife,
tOo-fOr he was married-a little pink
and white wax doll sort of woman who
looked like n saint We had long runs
in those days Our division-Charies
changed with me-extended from
Frisco to B" I've forgotten the sta
ton named by JIM
''One RfternOOn-we left at 2:e0-as
we We're pulling out of the depot at
Frisco. l got the bell As I brought
her to a stand / saw the Wells Fargo
man run uP 10 the express car and
hand Charlie a square tin box with n
grip handle. Looking back as she got
her head again Isaw the express agent
make a motion to Charlie. Leaning
half out the door Charlie slapped his
I. belt ami smiled
just beyond them / saw something
else-twO rough-iOolSing. bearded soen,
swinging up one after another on the
rear platform of the last car. Then
thought nothing of il; afterward l
knew they had been shadowing the ex-
press agent
''All afternoon had an uneasy feel
ing. Every engineer is bit supersti-
tiOus. l suppose, and l remember that
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
HAZEL NUT LEAVES AND FRUIT.

HAZEL NUT LEAVES AND FRUIT.
them have been cultivated with sue
,ess. In England they are quite large
grown. They flourish on all soils
upon which other trees and shrubs do
well. II is said that as high as 3, 600
pounds of nuts have been grown upon
an acre. The hazel and filbert are
closely related and the bushes are
very similar in appearance Our illus
tration, which we reengrave from the
American Cyclopedia, represents a
hazel twig with the leaves and fruit
unon IL
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
The Monon Route to the Front-Offering
Eirst-Class Accommodations at Reduced

On and after March 22nd the regular
rates via this line from Chicago to Louis
vile, New Albany, Cincinnati, Hamilton
and Dayton viii be $500; to Indianapolis
50 Is
These arc no excursion" rates TO be eff
fective few days and then withdrawn !;
they will be offered to patrons every Jay in
the week.
Besure yonr tickets read via the s'Monon. y
For further particulars apply TO L. z.
Sessions, Travelling Passenger Agent, Min
neapolis. Mimi, F. ]. Reed, City Passenger
Agent. Chicago, or address JAMES BARKER,
Gen1 Pass. Agt, Chicago. III.
You will never offend anyone by ridicul-
ing the average man, for the reason that
everyone who hears you thinks he is above
the aVerape
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
ARack Number.

Hawhaw, the Humorist concluding
his latest joke)-Now, Icall that pretty
good, but you did not seem to appre-
ciate II, Trotter. You did not laugh
any. :,
Trotter returned tourist)-I laughed
heartily at It four months ago when 1
found Il chiseled on the walls OF re-
cently-exhumed house in Pompeh.-
National Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

They're the smallest, the cheapest,
the easiest to take.
But all that would be nothing,
if they weren't also the best to
take.
DIR. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets pre-
vent and cure Sick Headache, Bill
ious Headache, Constipation, Indi-
gestion, Bilious Attacks, and all
arrangements of the liver, stomach
and bowels.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
PuRE-BREO POULTRY.
IL 1t Pays to Raise other Blooded stool
Why Not Fowls?


why Not Fowls?
Every poultry keeper who has accu-
nulated money in the poultry business
Knows to a certainty that a pure bred
fowl is worth more per ounce than a
nongrel is per pound. But why is this
so? Simply because the pure bred
fowl has been cultivated for years and
through generation after generation
for specific purpose, while the mon
grel or scrub is but the product of
chance, has no fixed traits or charac-
.eristics peculiar to itself, and consc-
1uently is unreliable. | sometimes
think that people often keep poultry
Just to hear 'em crow. | cannot help
thinking SO when / see Fl fteen roosters
strutting about barnyard with TWEEN
~ hens Did anybody ever hear one
who keeps first-class stock of any sort,
adapted to his locality, say that poul-
try was an expense? l think not.
Does the man who keeps pigs which
will convert bushel of corn into four
teen pounds of pork, and weigh two
hundred pounds at six months of age
say that hogs are Improbable stock?
Neither does the man who raises any
var ETY. of pure bred poultry and keeps
them up to the highest standard say
that fowls are Improbable. He knows
they are exceedingly profitable. If
there is anything in agriculture or
stock-raising which has been more
thoroughly or clearly demonstrated to
be n plain unvarnished truth than that
It always pays 10 have the best of
everything, | don't know what it is.
Yet we sea farmers planting inferior
seed and breeding mediocre stock, and
then wailing because they do not get
superlative beasts and birds First
class, pure-bre stock requires no more
room and no more feed than scrub
stock, while it invariably sells for near
" twice as much. IL it pays to keep
Hrstclass horses, cattle, sheep and hogs
and no enlightened man denies it
then it likewise pays to keep first class,
pure bred poultry, and the farmer who
fails to do il is not living up to his priv
ilauas -Orano,a Judd Farmer
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
HAZEL AND FILBERT.

How to Cultivate Two Very Profitable
Kinds of Nuts.
The only special care the hs el nut
and filbert require is to keep me suck
srs down and to so prune the bush as
70 produce a large number of lateral
branches, for it is upon these that the
nuts are borne. There are large
number of varieties and several of
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

Syrup

William McKeekan, Druggist at
Bloomingdale, Mich. 81 have had
the Asthma badly ever since | came
out of the army and though / have
been in the drug business for fifteen
years, and have tried nearly every
thing on the market, nothing has
given me the slightest relief until a
few months ago, when used Bo-
schee's German Syrup. l am now
glad to acknowledge the great good
it has done me. lam greatly reliev-
ed during the day and at nightgo to
sleep without the least trouble" o
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

in the progress Of the Worlds Fairl If so,
and you desire 70 form an idea of the work
being performed and the grandeur and
of its conception when com
pleted, send a two cent stamp to Mr.. +. II.
Lord, General Passenger and Ticket Agent
Of the Chicago, st. Paul q Kansas City
Railway, Chicago, Ill. and a valuable and
handsome souvenir viii be sent 10 YOU by
return mail. giving you full view Of
the buildings under construction, the di-
mansions of each and total cost and area
OF same. besides other useful information.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

Go South via Louisville a Nashville r. r.
to Evergreen, Pensacola or the Gulf Coast.
The Old Reliable has no superior for speed,
comfort and safety. See your nearest COu-
pom Agent, or write G. p. Atmore, Gen'l
Pass. Agent, Louisville, KY.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
His Maiden Effort.

A young man who had been seeking
employment from an editor finally OBJ
tanned leave to write an article on n
subject assigned by the editor and to
bring it in person in a week. The
article was brought at the appointed
time. The editor read il, and knit his
brOwS You have some good thoughts
here" he said; but you write very
badly" ''W-wen, you see. sir" fall
tered the applicant Il was kind of
scared l never wrote in public be-
forei~-Chieago News
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
The Only One Ever Printed-Can You Find
the Word?

There is inch displav advertisement
in this paper, this week, which has no two
words alike except one word. The same is
true of each new one appea ring each week,
from The DIR. Harter Medicine Co. This
house places a Crescent on everything
they make and publish. Look for it. send
them the name of the word and they will
return you book, beautiful Autographs or
samples free.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

Mrs SpOtcash tentering her hus-
bands counting-room in great agita-
tionl-"'O. Williami Who is that
rough-looking man just outside your
door with a queer valise in his hand9
Is he-is he one of those terrible dyna-
mite eranks?" Mr.. Spoteash (pale as
sheetl-"Worse, Caroline. Hs's .
plumberl"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

Essential to the production of the most per-
feet and popular laxative remedy known,
have enabled the California Fig Syrup Co.
to achieve a great success in the reputation
of its remedy, Syrup Of Figs, as it is con-
ceded TO be the universal laxative. For sale
by all druggists
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

Young Wife-Why, George, aren't
you going to eat your pudding?
Young Husbands this made from
Mrs. Tombstone's recipe?
Young Wife-Yes. dear George.
Young Husband-Then, my dear, /
can not touch il. Mrs. Tombstone has
already buried four husbands. Judge.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

The casting out of the devil
of disease was once a sign
of authority.
Now we take a little more
time about it and cast out
devils by thousands-we do
it by knowledge.
Is not a man who is taken
possession of by the germ of
consumption possessed of a
devil9
A little book on CAREFUL
LIVING and SCOTS Emulsion
of cod-liver oil will tell you
how TO exercise him if it can
be done.
Free.
Scorr BowSE, Chemists, Iss South ssh Avenue,
New York.
Your druggist keeps SCOTS Emulsion Of cod-livsr
ol-ah druggists everywhere do. 81.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

Mrs. Grayneck-"Now you must
listen. Mr.. Salpinx; my daughters go
ing TO sing her last new song"
Sslpinx-"Thank Heavenl" Boston
Courier.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
Avoid March WINDS.

THE only way to win in an argument with
woman is 10 walk off when you have
stated your side of it -Atchiso Globe.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

A wALRISG-HAT is most convenient It is
not necessary to run after IL when the wind
tips il off.-Picayune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

YOU can never know how high a value a
man puts upon himself until he sues a rail-
road company for 5000 damages for the
loss of one iinger.-Baltimore American
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31
Are Yon Interested

ONE of the most persistent forces in ma
ture is the needle, which always carries its
point and always has an eye out for bust
ness-I Dwell (sourier
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-03-31

THE progress of science in medicine has
produced nothing better for human ills
than the celebrated Beecham's Pills.