Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-03-25
PITH AND POINT.


Dispatch.
The grocer who gives sixteen ounces
to the pound is model in his weight
Chicago Times.
Good looks go a long way, but finally
the paint wears of and there you are
Galveston News.
No matter how small the scandal
there's always enough of it to go round.
-Elmira Gazette.
Wool-'Is your mother-in-law still
with you?" Van Pelt--"No: still agln
me. New York Herald.
Dentists are not looked upon as pecu-
liarly dissipatcd, yet they are always
filling up.-Chicago Times.
The female spiritualistic medium never
exposes herself. That is TO say, she
never goes out without her raps.-States-
man.
Toward twilight you want to keep
your own counsel, since it is about then
that you may expect the s-dropping.
Boston Courier.
After all, the old fashioned meter by
moonlight is about the only one that has
stood the test of time and the experts.
Texas Siftings.
Cabble-sT understand that you lost
the steamer for Europe" Stone-''Yes.
My wife had to go back for another
hairpin. "--Clonll Review
When doctors disagree, they do not
forget to charge for the time they spend
in argument that prcccdes disagreement.
n
A man is like postage stamp. When
he is badly stuck on himself, rs it were,
he is not worth two cents for any practi-
cal use.-Chicago Tribune.
1t is difficult for the average man tn
hear said that man was made in Gods
own image without feeling that he is the
man referred to.-Boston Transcript.
She-"I wouldn't marry the best man
living" He-"Then there is no hope
for me. 1t was because 1 thought that
YOU would that l proposed to YOU
New York Press.
Butcher Ito artist)-''I'm not quite
satisfied with the portrait. The right
side of the chest should bulge some
what-that is where keep my pocket.
book. "-Fliegcnde Blaetter.
Wifc-''I hope you are pleased with
those slippers, darling?" Husband
(hesitatipgly)-"Yes, dear; I'm so glad
learned to walk on snowshoes whenI
was boy. Washington Post.
"Why weary ye me" cried the housewife
with such a wild pack OF iies:"
al do so bekaze" said the mendicant slim,
''Bekaze of = lack OF pies"
Indianapolis Journal.
Old Gentleman stepping out on cal
platform as car stops at n way station,
and shifting the fresh air)-''Isn't this
invigorating9' Brakeman Shifting HE
quid)-"No, l?"-Drakc's Mag
aZine.
Mr.. N. Pcck-''I think you would be
ashamed to wear the hair OF another wD-
man on your head" Mrs. n. Peck
"Shame yourself, for you wear the skin
of another calf on your feet. "-Broolilyn
Eagle.
"Arc you pretty we'll acquainted with
your mother tongue, my boy2" asked tho
school teacher of the new scholar.
eyes, sir" answered the lad, timidly,
"AIa jaws me a good deal, sir."-The
Comic.
81 have saved you from drowning"
said the gallant rescuer. ''As reward
l ask your hand" "Ot, give me time
to think, George" "How long, how
long2' ''At least till get ."-Phil-
adelphia Times.
He-"I hear you attend the Handle!
and Haydn performances. Were you
present at the 'Creation?' She Gndig-
nantly)-sI suppose you will next want
to know if I sailed in Noah's Ark2"-
Boston Beacon.
First Suburban-''IIcllo, Smith! You
are got up regardless. Going to q we'd
ding2" Second Subnrban-"No; Pm
going to town to try to engage a cook,
and wish to create q good impression. -
Harper's Bazaar.
Jail Oficial-"Oh, dear, mol You
can't see the man in that cell He must
not be disturbed" Visltor-.sWhy
not7" Jail Official lin an awestruck
whisper-"He's charged with embez-
cling million dollars l"-Chlcago Tri-
bunc.
Philosophical Citizen-"I am taking
up collection for monument to Eli
Whitney, the inventor of the cotton gin.
Can you" Indignant Old Lady
"Fer the lands sake! They'll be raisin'
money next to build monument to the
inventor of peach brandy You git out
o here!"-Chicago Tribune.
"I have heard" said the Western
schoolmistress, addressing her class of
girls, ''that some of you are in the habit
of using slang. Is it sos'' Some
blushed, some looked indignant, but
none ventured to reply. eff any of you
have acquired such a habit" pursued
the schoolmistress, with a severe look.