Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1892-08-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


The fixed star is ono that has c,ou II
money to settle down. --DIllas News.
A star .azcr must have far away
look in his eyes. -Binghamton Rcpubli-
can.
A poem that is always sure of n
market-thc lay Of the hen.-L ,wcll
Courier.
Among the newest things in stockings
this summer is the baby's foot. Boston
Transcript.
Tenant-"Thc roof leaks" Janitor-
"Wcll, you shouldn't have taken the to-,
fiat. New York Sun.
A great many things are lail bcfor.
Congress, but comparatively few of the IL
Observation-Disclosures Star.
Jagson says it is proper to wish the
anxious candidates many happy returns
on election day.-Elmira Gazette.
Baglcy-"I don't believe in borrowing
trouble; do you2" Brace --"Of course
not; money is the thing. New York
Herald.
Practice makes perfect. You can SC,
lawyers and doctors Walking on their
uppers for want of practice. =! Bingham.
ton Leader.
Every thrifty farmer will keep his
land we'll dressed, but he has no res sou
to be ashamed OF a strawberry patch. -
Lowell Courier.
When a boy begin, 10 wash his neck
without being told i. is sign he is PISS.
ing into the ordeal of his first love affair.
-Atchison Globe.
There are men with nature, so small
that, il there is anything in transnigr..-
tion, they will probably rcappels as mi.
Observation-Disclosures Star.
First Prcacher-"D,cs your choir
sing in harmony7' Second Preacher
eyes, but they don't live in harmony. ="
Kate Fields Washington.
The latest thing in Ohio is babe born
without hands. II he eventually drifts
into politics he will hnvc to depend ON
the hands Of his friends. -Washington
Post
"What sly animal the fox is, to be
surel The other day followed one for
three hours, and when finally shot 1t
found it was II rel dog File scndc
BleattcT.
True 10 the nature Of the beast, many
man who in his time has cast Sleeps
eyes ut n pretty girl has afterwards hal
the wool pullc over them.-Plila.
dclphia Times.
We have noticed that when you tell
woman her daughter is just the image Of
her whcu she was that age, the mother
LOOKS pleased aud the dau glitter looks
scared. -Atchison Globe.
Ycast--"What are you going to MAKE
out of your boy7" Crimsonbeak ga
lecturer" ''Hls he n taste for it2"
ooh, yes; he inhcrits it fro IL his mother"
San Francisco Examiner.
AIamua-"Whcn that boy threw
stones at you, why didn't you come aud
tell me, instead OF throwing them bl:h."
Little Son-"rell your Why, you
couldn't hit barn door "-Good News.
Publishcr-"I wish you would write
us n good sea story" Great Author
''But | have ,vcr been to sea-" Pub.
lisher-''1 know it, want sea story
that people can understand. Tit Bits.
1t IS strange. as h. knows,
She's in love with another;
lie should like to propos.,
When, SO sure as he goes,
He'll return as her brother
New York Sun.
"Mrs. Ciinner seems to have very
pleasant time of it.n pheasant time
Why that woman's life is one complete
round of enjoyment" at ISL" tit is
that. She belongs to seven sewing
circles. New York Press.
Witherby-"I made the mistake of
my life this morning. told my wife
didn't like her new gown "-Plauking
ton-"What, was she augry'' Wither
by-"Oh, no, it wasn't that, but she
wants another c."-Cloak Review.
Lady Ito her regular begging custom
er)-"I see that you have brought some
one with you tc day, aud cannot give
to BOTH Bcggar-"Certainly not,
ma'am. I am only taking him the
round of my clients, as have an idea OF
selling the businessl"
Teacher-"Won't you sit down
Jimmy2' Jimmy -"Nop." Teacher
"Why not" Jimmy-"Jis because. y
Teacher-''Beca what?' Jimmy
"Becausc when pop was putin down
the carpet this mornin' and hit bis thumb
with the tack-hammcr lauyhed."-
Boston Post.
Clara-"I hope you won't bring tha
MIR. Halter around to see me. don't
want to see him." Maude-"Dut, my
dear, he says he used to play with you
when you were little gir'." Clara
"That's why I don't want to meet him.
1t reminds Ire of the time when wore
n home made cloak to Sunday school.
Cloak Review.
The First Railway Station.