St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1892-03-12
THE JOKER'S BUDGET,
JESTS AND YARNS FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Same Thing-He Couldn't Afford To
On One CGndition-Two Opin-
ions-And That's a Fact, Etc.,
Etc.

On One Condition-Two Opin
ions-And That's Il Fact, Etc.
Etc.
| SAME THING.
~ seo," he began, as he entered tn
office of plumber, that some one ha
invented cutoff or valve or syphon b,
which water pipe is prevented from
freezing, no matter how much exposed.
- es,' softly replied the plumb"~.
Good thing"
Every likely"
Come into general use?"
Eyes,
"N hen it does you plumbers will have
to take back seat, eh?"
mo. Takes two pounds of solder Just
the same, and we get in three hours
extra work. y Detroit Free Press.
HE COULDN'T AFFORD TO.
Mr.. Suburb-Well, I was never more
surprised in my life. had a long and
serious talk with a stranger whom [ met
on the train, and who Go you think he
was?
Editor Weekly Fun-Give it up.
ale was Mr. Button-buster, one of
your chief humorists"
"What about him."
"Why, he didn't crack joke all the
time we were together"
Ellis jokes are worth s. apiece. -
New York Weekly.
ON ONE CONDITION.
Tramp to lady Of the house)-Im
starving to death! Can | die out in the
barnyard?
Lady Of the House (graciously)-Yes;
if you won't crawl under the barn.
TWO OPINIONS.
eyes, said the village oracle, as he
looked around the grocery store and fixed
the power OF his eye on the only man
present, cts my belief that the world is
growing worse, and that even in this vii
lage there's u deal of eyil-that every
man in it would thieve if he got chance
present company excepted, of course"
''Nell, now responded his auditor,
my beliefs just the opposite. | don't
think there's man in the village would
thleve it he got the best cl.ance in the
world-present company excepted, of
course"
There was no more to be said.-[New
York Press.
AND THAT'S FACT.
Although it causes one to sneeze
Much more than one is pleased at,
The grip is plainly disease
That isn't to, be sneezed at.
= New York Press.
UNsELFIsH.
"Iour husband borrows great deal of
trouble, it seems to me, Mrs. Blue
ayes, but he is unsel!sh with it. He
always shares it with me-"
HIS ACTIONS BELJED HIS REPUTATION.
'lye always heard that you were of
generous disposition, john" said the
maiden, as her lover almost Rugged the
breath out of her; but | can hardly be- |
lieve it."
"Why can't your"
because | find you always near and
5rasping. - New York Press.
THE PARTING.
1t was 5 o'clock p. m, and George
had been spending the after
noon with sweet Lillian Luruy.
"Good-by, darling,' he said, fondly, as
hey stood in the darkened vestibule
''Good-by, George she murmurcd, I
lestling her head in the time-honored
place.
"Good-by."
"Good-bv."
"ln every parting, dearest, there is
he image of death he whispered, hold
ng her close and kissing her pussionately,
'and we may never meet again"
ooh, George, darlin5,' she said clinging
o him most tiercely.
w no knows, my own what may hap
zen between this hour and when we meet
gain ?"
"Mizpah," she breathed, and threw her
rms about him conyulsively.
eyes, darling," he spoke TREMENDOUSLY,
let US keep that word as our shield and
rmor.''
"And you will come back to me: to
our own little loving Lillian, George;
ne same beautiful and brave George YOU
ave always been?"
''Irust me, Lillian, darling; trust your
George"
ooh, darling" she said, strong in the
nth OF women, 81 do trust you. How I
ould [ love you SO if did not?" and she
Used him fondly
Chen | shall come again, Lillian. nv
WI. >"
"But when, George? When?" she asked
5
cat 8 this evening, darling" s
ooh, George she walled, will it be c
} long as that? So long, so long?" |
He took her in his strong arms, I
,ndery. c
"Darling,' he whispered, make it t
BOZ i
And it came to pass as he had spoken. Y
/ Detroit Free Press t
ssPERADoEs EXCHANGE "REMINISCENCES :.
ayes, [ was great desperate in nv ?
", said the reformed train robber. "
aking his head sadly and with much t.
'mility. II once held up whole train c
ad of passengers single handed and a
one" II
THAT was quite a feat" said the re- &
ed auctioneer, with a dreamy ,far-away e
ok in his eye, "but | once knocked t,
Ur WI ola .lr,oJ II