Morning journal and courier., 1892-05-16
ELASTIC.

The most elastic fabric is the trout yarn -Williamsport Sun.
 It is never too late to mend. This is why the cobbler never has your boots done at the time promised.-Boston Transcript
 Waiter-Have bit of spring chicken, siri Guest-Yes, please. And, waiter, make it this spring, please.-Detroit FIee Press.
 'T must say," remarked the fly, as the dictionary was closed upon him, ''that l never before was so impressed by book as by this one."-Indianapolis Journal.
 Hasty.-Mary-It missus don't with draw what she said to me shall leave the house. Thomss-What did she sayi Mary-she said 'I give you a months mo- tice. e."-Boston Budget.
 Youngster-I say, grandma, can you bite hsrdi Granny-No, my boy, I have lost nearly all my teeth. Youngster-In- deed, Then please rave these nuts for me, will you!-Hinkender Bote.
 At the Funeral.-First friend-Yes, Dr. Pellett told him he must take a rest. but Dick kept right on. Second friend-But the doctor had his way, after all. He was correct in his diagnosis.-Boston Tran | script.
 Newwife-To-morrow is your birthday, uailluS. tuu I aii solus No 6ioP at tdc lc"- eler's and buy you present. Her hub | by-Get something cheap, pet, l haven't paid for my Christmas present yet.-Jew- elers' Weekly.
 A Devilish Good Chauce.-Peckham- The devil is an enigma to me. Stickney- How sol Peckham-With such @ bad l name ss he has, and such a legislature as | the one just adjourned, why he didn't get | it changea.-Puck.
 Flossie was her little sister. "Hush, :" | he whispered, dropping his arm as he heard footstep. Somebody will see us." | 'Oh, that's all right" she said, ''it's mamma. Flossie's the only one I'm afraid of."-Detroit Free Press. | "What is a prodagandsf" inquired the teacher. The boy looked at the ceiling, wrinkled his forehead, wrestled with the | question 8 minute or two, and answered bravely that he guessed it was the brother of a proper goose.-Chicago Tribute. | Jobson-What did Hobton say about my playl Dobson-He said that he certainly felt that he had got the worth of his money. Jobson-Anything elsel Dobson -Oh. yes; he asked me to thank you for the complimentary ticket you sent him Tid-Bits.
 ''So that fellow is a Knight of Labor I SSOhAo " oo hotooA AaAohoASAf kok ever he goes he prevents men from labor ing"
 "To be sure. Doesn't the good book say, When the knight cometh, no man can workP"-Boston Transcript.
 Mamma (reprimanding three-year-old son, who is hagrantly disregarding table | etiquette)-If we were at another's table should be SO ashamed of you I would not know where to hide my head Young Diogenes (not at all absshed) You could put it under the table.-Harper's Bs- gar.
 Boy Life on 6 Farm.-Fsrmer's Boy Kin go fshin', dsdi Farmer-Is tn pas. tur' fence all laid upi Farmers Boy Yes, dad, every panel of it. Kin goi Fsrmer-Is tn seed corn shelledf Farm. CTS Boy-Ev'ry ear of it. Kin I go Farmer (reluctantly)-Yes; dig your bait in tn garden 'n' throw tn stones up side O tn fence.-Puck.
 Trials of High Life.-First Guest-Aw' ful bore, isn't iti Second Guest-Dull q funeral. l knew it would be. First Guest-You knew iti Then why did you comet Second Guest-Hsd to. My wife heard that the formula for writing regreta had changed, and she couldn't find out | what the new style was. So she sent CT
 acceptance.-New York Weekly.