Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-01-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

A Boston spinster tainted one day
last week because the mail brought her
5 newspaper in its wrapper.-Pitck
There are lots of women who would
not marry the best man on earth. They
didn't anyway.-Bin0hamtoa Leader.
We have noticed that the more inn
>!acticable and hopeless an ambition
is, the more energy a fool will put in
it.-AtckiSon Globe.
A career of extravaganza does not
necessarily bring a man sackcloth. but
1t is more than likely to bring him to
hashes.- Washington Star.
The woman you would call a poem
morning to kindle the fire and fry the
slapjacks. Recorder.
About this time the small boy per-
iuades himself that the eighth COM
mandment was never meant to apply
to fruit.-Binghanlton Republican.
He-''I have had you in mind a good
deal lately, Miss Helen" She-'You
alwavs did try to make me feel small,
Mr.. Chumply."-Brooktyn Life.
Frank (pleadingly)-"I never kissed
girl before in my life" May (cold-
ly)-"Well, | haven't advertised for
apprentices. have I?"-M Y. Herald
How many seconds are in min
ute??' DO you mean a real minute,
mamma, or one of your great big wait
a-minutesP "-I'adiandpolts Journal.
Mabel-"What shall | do for ball
dress this winter?" Julia-'Oh. just
put skirt on your bathing-suit and
you'll be all right. boston Courier.
The chances are that a long-felt want
is about to be filed. A Hoboken man
is working on a collar-button with a
whistle attachment YonEers States
man.
Plumbers are not wholly conscience
lros. They never charge for the holes
thJy make in your bathroom carpet
18th their melted solder.-Richna0nd
t.ecorCler.
Dick Hearty-"Wil you marry me?'
Bella Blueribbon-"Do you drink"
Dick Hearty-''Yes, and eat, too. /
see there no hope for me. Good by"
- i'1c6.
You seem to be taking things easy"
,aid Father Iiuo 10 the Fool Killer
Yes" was the reply, the parachute
jumper is looking after my business. =
N T. San,
Daughter Father. Mr.. Hendricks
is a very bright young man." Fathe
He must be. ] notice that YOU
aeger have a light in the parIor when
Re calls. "-Seuttie SoundjngS.
Mis-, Coquette- Have yon a matchP'
Mr.. Flint - Not Miss G. - What
shall we doP' Mr. F.-''Let's make
oner' Miss C.--''Ani in that case you
would be tie stick. / SUPPOSED "-Lys.
MY dear. do YOU think my voice
needs cultivation?' II thong It it was
getting il, a...Iug. am sure ueard
narrowing sounds when YOU were
siu5 ing JUS, now."-Baitin,ore .Auleri-
,;fH.
You haven't anything to support
wife on. " said Ethel's father. Il Didn't
know bat what with your help Elhei
might be assister to me-" returned
chappie. And the old man smiled as
sent.-N. Z. Herald.
Weary Watkins" Dinged Fl don't
believe there's something IN the sayin
tnat drunk man is allays lucky"
Hungry Higgns-"He's lucky so far
as the drunk is concerned. anyhow. -
indianapolis Jo2rnU{-
He (Salesman) - Dear little hand
[ab-~nt mind"diyl | wonder if it will
wash Sc (con spirito)-"No, sir,
1t won't-nOr it won't scrub, either
3ul if Won want it to play the piano,
us yours George. life.
DnugAtcr-"Oh, papa! I've just GOT
we n,o>i lovely yachting costume You
yer saw Papi (busiIy)-"Tm glad
YOU Ike H." DlH !hter-"Its just too
>Wer, tor ANYTHING. Now all we need
- " vac ~. !. Wceh g.
He-"l stepped on your dress. zoo
must think ne "A perfect bear" She
oh. no. Mr.. Bashful. you don't re
mind me in the least of IA bear" And
he has been wondering ever since what
she meant. -Dctr0t Free Press.
He--"What allowance do you thin K
your father ought to make us when we
are married?n She - Well. if he
makes allowance for your faults !
think he will be doing all that can be
expected of him.-Br0okjyn Life.
Amy success in your agricultural
enterprise this season. Jellaby?" Do
ing finely, thank you. Got the hay
fever and sealed proposals from all the
widows in the neighborhood to remove
their weeds. "-BaAinaore american.
Critic-"Say, what's the matter with
that love scene in the second actP
Same people you had last year, aia't
thev?h Manager-"Yes. but. hang it,
they went and got married soon after
we played here last season. Boston
NeWS.
What are you doing out there,
Jennie?" shouted her father I'm
just saying good night to George
We'll. as it takes you so long | will
say it for you. Good night. George
George went so quickly that he forgot
to reply.-M Y Press.
"Ah. Jonesy. old man" said Hicks.
as he and Jones walked home from the
Queen City club. there's a light in
your window for you. You married
mem" BY George, so there isr'
returned Jones. Lets go back to the
club. - Cincinnati Commercial.
Yes" remarked the young man.
Miss Caster is truly fortunate young
woman. She was born with silver
spoon in her mouth" "And don't
you think" rejoined his companion,
who had been attentive to the lady,