The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1892-09-01
Strange and Wonderful
Uses and Abuses of the
English Language.
BIG OFFERS OF TIE OLD TIMES.
A Vendors Modest Announcement
Of Beautifying Powers-Pnb-
lie Notices on Tomb
stones.
Stones.

smatter of the elegance and correctness
that are wont to characterize the modern
public announcement, but afford a re-
freshing and amusing diversion, as for
expample, the following in a country
newspaper
Wanted-A small boy to scrub floors and two
hired men.
1t is, of course, to be presumed that the
small boys who answered this advertise
ment were sufficiently we'll acquainted
with the colloquialism Of their town to
understand that their duties would be
limited to scrubbing floors.
Another example of deficient syntax
which, by the way. appeared in a city
paper. produces a somewhat startling eff
feet and puts the advertiser in the posi-
ton OF a curio hunter or a lunatic:-
A gentleman occupying a large. comfortable
room would like a congenlal companion heated
by steam.
Instances Of this kind are numerous.
Here is another which puts the old
gentleman mentioned in the light Of u
pilferer both of clothes and features:
Information wanted as to the whereabouts of
one Samuel Green, who wandered from his
home. No. 2,012- street, with a Roman nose
and a SLOUGH hat,
Such laxity OF s~entenTious construction
is to be met with even III obituary no.
tees. although perhaps eXcusable OH the
ground of mental perturbation as the re-
sult of overwhelming grief
Died, Jno. w. Hunter who leaves three
children with the consumption and his mother.
Obituary notices are frequently enbel-
lished with rhymes. Following appeared
in Il weekly newspaper In the wllds OF
Pennsylvania
| Dear little Susie, she's gone away;
She's gone away, and she's gone to stay.
Religion is sometimes, either designedlv
or accidentally, made to serve a some
what profane purpose. At a Sunday
school fair the walls of the hall were
placarded with various announcements of
the attractions and prices, and among
them was the temnLing notice: Supper,
twenty-five cents" This was hung di-
rectly below the motto: ''The Lord will
Provide"
A FREE "AD."
This only demonstrates that man holds
nothing TOO sacred when he has his way
to make in the world, and Is liable to re-
sort to any means that will conduce to
his earthly welfare or happiness. Per-
haps the most startling example of this
spirit is that Of a certain founder, who
thus advertises himself in a cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of Sarah B., wife of
Thomas B. Crown, who built the iron fence
about this lot. and will be pleased to furnish
estimate for similar work. Satisfaction
guaranteed. Write for prices or call at ~ First
street. Orders by mail and telephone promptly
attended to.
A modest little sign in this city makes
the following remarkable announcement:
Boots blacked inside.
This is equalied by another, where the
number of The shop is made to create a
false impression, aud at first leaves the
reader to suppose that the proprietor is in
business simply for the fun of it,
623 suits pressed and cleaned for S1.00.
Among the great variety of entertain
ing and novel advertisements to be seen
in the papers and magazlues nowadays,
one that appeared in a Western papsr
some time since is worthy of special
notice.
And it was on the third day of the tenth
moon, and the sun no longer comforted the
spirits of the fat man nor oppressed the soul of
the lean man, for the chill winds that HE them
out OF Manitoba came upon the town without
warning and played roughly with the whiskers
of many an improvident citizen. Then up rose
John II. Jones, a merchant of the town, who
saith:-'"These beautiful silk lined overcoars,
which l did intend to sell you for SIS, l now
offer for $40, for the sun hath melted the profit
and l will cut them down even to five dollars
and a fifty cents; aye, even five shekels and five
shekellettes in lawful money of the realm will
buy you one OF these elegant garments Selah!"
The Qu%aintness of this notice brings to
mind some of the advertisements which
appeared in the English newspapers
many years ago, when the art of adver-
Using was in its infancy. Here. for ex-
ample, is one which appeared in the OBJ
serUer as far back as the year 1884,
A gentlemen having been requested by some
persons TO undertake the translaGIng of ARIA
nus his Epic5etus into English. hath so far adj
vanced it. that the same will in a very short
time be publlsned; and this notice is given TO
prevent interfering with the same design.
This is a refreshing illustration of the
simplicity and faith of the people of the
seventeenth entur
The Morning Chronicle of July II. 1904,
coatains the annexed modest notice.
A gentleman whose literary productions have
met public approval, undertakes to conduct
eplstolatory correspondence, where correctness
and elegance of style are necessary; whether on
familiar topics or on business, or on courtship
He pledges himself to the stricte5t secrecy.
Whatever the subject, no confidence will De
abused no matter divulged. He presumes he
could use q strain the best adapted to display
the feelings of the heart and attain its object
Apply to Mr.. Rander, South Windmill street.
Here is another nc less unassuming
which attracted public attention in 1712:-
At the Old Lilly, near the Barge House. In
Christ church Parish, Southwark. at London.
liveth Francis Moore, licensed physician aud
student in astrology, who, by the blessing of
God, cures all sorts of aches and agueS with one
dose in young and old when left off by Others.
He hath an excellent MEDICINE for Ats In young
people or children. He has an excellent tooth
powder and a family ~tincture that gives pleasant
ease to collie, and carries off all pains in an in
slant. He gives Judgment In the astrological
way. He desires that all that send him out Of
the country, upon their own business. TO paw
the postage of their letters, or expect no
answer.
The Daily Advertiser Of April. 1894
contains The following, which for cool.
ofazen lmpudence. Is worthy Of men,
tlon:-
Marriage is to some a happy state, to others
the reverse, The unfortunate writer of this is
placed in the latter situation, lately united to
one of a disposition the contrary of herself. She
is lively and young, and now SO very miserable.
that she hopes she will meet with pity and not
censure from the other sex. The person TO whom
it is addressed must be a gentleman possessed
OF fortune, generosity, agreeable Department,
aud be resolved to keep this an nviolabie secret.
he must present the lady with GloO and settle a
yearly income on her, to take place one twelve
in2ntn after the acquaintance has commenced.
Address Mrs. Smith, etc.
Equally plain, if not so explicit, was