The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-02-05

While we wish It distinctly understood
that as man we don't feel above any Of
the boys. as mayor of a hustling western
town certain things are expected OF us and
must be carried out. We've got 70 keep
our hair cut, use passably good grammar
and present decent appearance 70 stran-
gers No one NEED be surprised If we are
not at the next dog fight, or if we issue an
order that our official room is ut head
quarters for the gang. We expected the
boys would feel hurt, but we believe our
policy viii win their approval in the end.
Over at The Kicker Office any one who
visits us as the editor can spit all over the
fixtures and elevate their feet clear. to the
ceiling, but when we are in the mayors
Office we shall insist on all callers using the
regular spittoons and 1T least keeping their
heels off our desk. Strangers are dropping
in every day, and we want them TO see a
difference between our Office and the bar
rooms around town.
He STILL TIRES Us.-The last straw that
broke the camel's back in the case of our
contemporary down the street~was when
we were elected mayor by an overwhelm-
ing majority. He never could forgive Us
for being the first to introduce paper cut
ter and red cardboard and genuine print
er's ink into this section, and when we ex-
posed the actual figures of his 1900 circu-
lation (432) he tried to shoot US. But our
election was the finishing blow. During
the campaign he charged US publicly with
being a thief, a biganist. slanderer, a
swindler, an assassin, a convict, an incen-
diary, a liar, bunko man, murderer.
He also managed somehow to raise the
sum of seven dollars in cash and wager it
against our election. His charges all fell
TO the ground, and he lost his cash money.
We were warned that he meant to shoot
US, but knowing that he couldn't hit Pixies
peak with a shotgun, we haven't worried
any. Last evening, as we sat in our sane
tum writing the red hot editorial on the
Chilian question to be found on the second
page, our esteemed contemporary came uD
the alley and shot at US six times through
the window. Actual measurement prove
that we were only eight feet from him. and
yet his best shot only cut the buckle off
our vest back. We heard him crying as he
went away after emptying his revolver.
Poor old man! We pity him and yet he
makes US tired, and some day when we ara
out of sorts we shall probably kill him and
To THE PROFESSION theatrical
troops which hit this town last fall neg
lected to leave complimentary tickets at
The Kicker office. We made it as warm
as possible for them, and none of them
took in enough cash to pay the bill posting.
We now desire to announce that we own
the only hall where show can be given.
As mayor, we have the granting or refus-
ing of licenses. AS editor of The Kicker,
we can make it very pleasant or very lone
ly for any troop which refuses to come
down. We state this matter very plainly
because we want it plainly understood.
After the mayor (which is ourself) has
granted license, advance agents should
call upon the editor Of The Kicker (which
is ourself againl, and leave at least six
tickets. He can then call upon the owner
of Kicker hall (Which is ourSef some more)
and arrange terms, date, etc. In this way
everything can be arranged to the mutual
satisfaction of all parties
EXPLANATORT.-Reade viii miss one of
our most attractive departments this week
that headed Cowboy Capers" Mr..
J ohm r. Bangs, late of New York city, was
the accomplished editor of that department
on salary of four dollars a week and
found
Last week he borrowed our mule for a
ride into the country and he hasn't re-
turned yet The mule was sent back, but
Mr. Bangs still tarries 1t seems that
some of Colonel Longs cowboys caught
him, and not liking his free and easy style
with the pen they pulled him up to n limb.
Being very busy with other matters. they
let him hang too long and were obliged to
bury bin
Mr. Bangs was fluent writer and will
be sadly missed. We had intended to raise
him 20 s. so next week, and also to lend
him white shirt and introduce him into
society. We expect a Boston man on to
take his place next week. and the depart
ment will be made even more interesting,
if possible.-M Quad in New York World.