The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-01-23
CUR BUDGET or HUMOR.
VARIOUS coMicAurTIEs OF RE-
CENT PRODUCTIONS +.
Curious and Laughabls Phases Of
Lfs--oussr Sayings and oide-
y Splitting Inoidents.
Didn't Know Maggie. -

Didn't Know Maggie. - -
A very naughty, reserved-looking
and elegantly-clad lady sat in one Of
the middle seats Of q Western rail-
road train, with her elegant belong
ines beside her. ~
At Petervills long, sallow, hatchet-
faced woman in a green and black
calico dress fiounced to the waist and
a yellow sunbonnet lined with pink,
boarded the train, marched down the
aisle past several empty seats and
pumped herself down by the side Of
the "blue-blood" lady. carelessly
sweeping that lady's belongings aside
and saying calmly;
~ guess I'll set here so as to have
company. Coin ferf"
ITO Denver"
"You air? Where you from
Boston"
Boston! Wei, do declared Twas
born in Yarmouth myself, but ant
never been back since left there, 80
year ago the third day ofnext month.
so We air clean from Boston?"
~ am" Jelly.
"Lived there longf''
"All of my life."
els that SO? Borned thcre?'' II
EYES"
"Well, I do declare! Now, amt q
mite o. doubt but you've some time
or other bumped agin own niece I've
got Twin out in Boston. Mebbe yer
we'll 'ouainted with her. Her names
Maggie Smith, and she's my sister
Sary's youngest. ant never seen
her, but I've got q PHOTOGRAPH OF her
and ! toll you she ant behind no one
when il comes to putin on style. An
/ toll you she's smart. As smart as
over they make 'sm.
"She's got on q big gold chain and
six rings in tho photograft, and . silk
dress, and she's just style itself. ]
reckon like as not you know her.
She's lived there Ave years, Names
Maggie Smith. Know herr"
~ do not, madam"
"Well, I'll tell you what you do.
When you 60 back jes hunt Mag up
and tell her you met her Aunt Jimmy
Sipes on the train, and you'll be all
right with Mag after that, for she
thinks heap OF me, and you jest say
Jimmy Sipes' to Mag and she'll neigh
Dor with you from that time on.
Lemme see; what street do you live on
in Boston,"
] Beacon street, "-proudly.
/, "Well, Mag waits on the table in a
restaurant down on the wharf. I'll
b 1T you've eat there many time and
seen Mag and never knowed her.
Now, next time you 60 in there to eat
you ask for Mag Smith and say you're
q friend of her Aunt Jimmy and Mag'll
hug you right there-you see If she
don't"
A Distinction With a difference.
John B. Furay was once postof-
fee inspector, and on one occasion was
sent down into Louisiana to take
charge OF an Office from which the
postmaster had decanped. A fight
arose over the position, says the
Omaha World, during the progress of
which Maj. Furay remained acting
postmaster in the quagmires ofLouis-
lana, devoting all his spare time to
shaking with the orthodox ague, and
the longer the man stayed the moro
he shook, and the more profane he
waxed. He had been there three
weeks or more when one morning.
while the fog was arising Fl ON around
the little postoface, Inspector Furay
sat astride q keg Of buttermilk read
ing Pilgrims Progress" A tall, lean
genus homo ofthe swamp entered.
A solitary suspender band held up
pair of blue jean pants, q white felt
hat OF doubtful ago rested on the
mans head, and his feet were incased
in pcir of cowhides Redeemed by age.
"Howdy, pard," said the stranger,
addressing the inspector, "be you the
tederal's agent?"
II am the postofiice inspector" re-
piled Maj. Furay without looking up,
as he waded into Paradise Regain.
ed"
II am the new postmaster, said
the stranger, rendering his commis-
sion. At ~ 1850 eW
well, I'll be d-dl'' was the only
reply as the inspector dropped his
book to the ground and gazed at his
visitor.
"Yes, sir" continued the stranger.
squirting q mouthful Of tobacco juids
on the inspectors new trousers. Eyes,
sir, and I've come to be qualified.
Rising to his feet Furay sighed, in
spectsd his visitor from head to loot,
and exclaimed; t,s .ssy ..s. y, \
'By friend, / am but human. lean
only swear you in. All hi couldn't
qualify YOU" -. a.s.,F
The Lion" and Giraffe.
The servant came to announce 10
Victor Hugo the arrival OF visitors,
viz, Lord San English peer, &C
companied by his wife and three
daughters. Victor Hugo stepped into
a. - A.