davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
Australia's Pest.

The plague of rabbits in Austria
lia can not be described without
seeming exaggcration to those who
have not had experience of it, says
an article in Scribner. Originally
introduced in a colony of about a
score of individuals by q squatter
near Melbourne, who thought their
familiar presence on his station
would "remind him of home," they
have kept the recollection of Eng
land so fresh in the minds of pas
toralists to tempt them to very trea-
sonable language concerning her
wherever rabbits are mentioned.
The fecundity of the rabbit is
amazsing, and his invasion of re-
mote districts swift and mysterious
Careful estimates show that under
favorable conditions pair of Aus.
tralian rabbits will produce six lit
ters a year averaging five individu.
ais each. A the offspring them.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
No Protection.

There were three or four colored
men on the platform of Brush
street car, and one of them was ex-
hibiting a rabbits foot and express
ing his perfect faith in it as a charm,
when an old man with cane and
basket remarked:
81 dun used to hev one o dem
myself, but frowed it away long
ago."
"Doan' you believe in emp"
mo, sah-not now. Dat rabbits
fut was all right befoh dey got de
police fo'ce but it amt wuth shucks
now"
They looked at him for an ex-
planation, and he said:
81 went out one night wild a
rabbits fut in my pocket, an the
next thing knowed ] was up in de
work house fur thirty days"
"How you git dar?" asked one.
"De jedge sent me-
What de jedge dun sent you
fur?"
"What fur? What he dun sen
me fur? Why, sab, case dey found
de chickens in my bag, of co'se" -
Detroit Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
A ShroWd Poet.

There is story told of a poor
Greek poet, who lived in Rome at
the time of the Emperor Augustus.
1t shows us that wit often succeeds
where merit fails.
The poet was anxious to gain favor
with the Emperor. Every morning
he waited at the palace door, and as
the Emperor passed out, the poet pre-
sented him with a verse or an cpl.
gram that he had composed. The
Emperor accepted the poetry, but
never paid the poet anything. In
deed, his presumption rather anus.
ed the Emperor, and being one day
in merry humor he wrote verse
himself, and handed it gravely to
the poet, who waited for him as usu-
al at the gate.
The poet with ready wit, pulled
out his purse and emptied the two
or three coppers it contained into
the Emperor's hand.
"Ah," cried he, "there should be
more, but give you my ability. II
| were as rich as you, great Caesar
| would pay much greater price
for verses"
And it is pleasant to be told that
the Emperor thought the joke worth
thousand crowns.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
A Missing Chinese Bride.

An amusing story concerning the
adventures of Chinese bride is told
in Hapao, a native paper. In China,
it seems, bride usually rides in a
richly embroidered red satin chair,
decorated with flowers, hired for the
occasion. Lately, in Canton city,
man hired a chair to carry the bride
to his homestead in the suburbs.
The distance was great and the hour
was late. When the four chair cool
les and the lantern-bearers arrived
at their destination, the chair con-
tanning the bride was deposited out
side the doorway to await the auspi-
cious hours elected for opening the
door to admit the bride, and the
crowd adjourned to an opium den to
pass an hour. The chair-bearers fell
asleep, and how long they dozed they
knew not, but on awakening they
returned and found the bridal chair
still outside the doorway. They
came to the natural conclusion that
the bride had already entered the
household, and that the chair was
left for them to take back to the city.
Accordingly they hurried home with
it, put it in the loft, and went to bed.
In the meantime the bridegroom
heard the bridal party arrive, but
had to wait the stroke of midnight
before welcoming the bride. At last
the candles were lit, incense sticks
were ignited, the new rice and viands
for entertaining the bride were SER
we'd, and the parents-in-law put on
their best suits and so did the BRIDE
groom; and with much pomp and
ceremony the door was thrown wide
opeu, but there was not a trace OF
the bridal chair to he seen. Great
was their CONSERVATION, and it be-
came greater still when they conclu-
ded that bandits must have kidnapp-
ed the bride and held her for ran
som, The police were informed,
and search parties were sent out in
every direction.
The bridegroom, though distract
ed, had sense enough to rush to the
city and make inquiries Of the chair
bearers. The coolies were dumb
founded, and explained what they
had done. Together they climbed
to the loft, opened the door of the
chair, and found the demure looking
bride, long imprisoned and half
starved, but still appearing to her
best advantage in her beautiful bridal
gown. The bride appeared to have
known that she was being carried
forth and back, but could not pro-
test, because it is the custom for
brides not to open their mouths till
the marriage ceremony is performed.
Hence all the trouble.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

selves begin breeding at the age of
six months, it is shown that, at this
rate, the original pair might be re.
sponsible in five years for a progeny
of over 20,000,000. That the orig
inal score which were brought to
the country have propagated after
some such ratio no one can doubt
who has seen the enormous hordes
that now devastate the land in GER
tain districts. In all but the re-
moter sections, however, the rabbits
are now fairly under control; one
rabbiter with pack of dogs super
vises stations where 100 were en-
ployed ten years ago, aud with or.
binary vigilance the squatters have
little to fear. Millions of the ami
mails have been killed by fencing in
the water-holes and dams during a
dry season, whereby they died of
thirst and lay in enormous piles
against the distractions they had
frantically and vainly striven to
climb, and poisoned grain and fruit
have killed myriads more. A for
tune of e55, 900, offered by the New
South Wales Government, still
awaits the man who can invent
some means of general destruction
and the knowledge of that fact has
brought to the notice of the various
colonial governments some very or
iginal devices.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

A popular young fellow who is
widely know in athletic circles tells
this story:
81 was in the Office of friend of
mine the other morning, when a
rather seedy looking young chap
came in and nodding to him in a
jaunty way, said:
"'Billy, old man, ] want to bor-
row a dollar.
"'H-m-m-m,' replied Billy, slow
ly; well, if | remember rightly |
loaned you dollar last week
$50 you did, said the visitor,
but I'm dead strapped and must
have a dollar now
"Billy pondered a moment and re.
piled: well, you're no good; I'm
convinced of that, and so I'll not
lend you a dollar but I'll give you
one; how'll that do?"
"'First rate responded the shame.
less striker, and than after a mo.
ment or so as the cash was not forth.
coming he added: Well, where's
the dollar you are going to Civ,
me?'
"'Oh,' replied Billy, smilingly
III give you the dollar you borrow
ed last week."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
WHOLE NO. 1884.
Maybe So.

Mrs. Walmsly is a widow. Her
husband, who was wealthy auc-
tioneer, died ii few months ago.
Mrs. Walmsly has an IRISH cook
who got married without consult
ing that lady.
Bridget, what sort of a man is
that you have married?"
"He is very intelligent gintle-
man."
Does he belong to a good fam
ilyP"
"Indade he does. He dhrives a
coach for wan of the best families
in the city"
"Pshaw! A coachman isn't much. "
Maybe you're are right, Wildly
Walmsly, but I'm thinkin a live
coachman amounts to more than a
dead auctioneer. Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
An Innocent Abroad.

A countryman from New Jersey
missed his pocket-book.
"Why don't you apply to the po-
lice" suggested a city friend, to
whom he complained.
DO you think they stole it, was
the innocent response.
III dare say. You had better ask
the first one you meet"
"Ill do it"
N. B.-There is q man from New
Jersey in Bellvue hospital.-Texas
Siftings,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
Directions Not Explicit Enough,

"Well, my boy" said the old
gentleman, 81 understand you've
been fighting"
II was in something of a scrap"
replied the youth.
"Well, | suppose boys will fight,
and there's no use trying to stop
it. You don't look much the worse
for it,"
"Got off pretty light, sure" said
the boy.
Lick the other fellow?"
"Well, hardly"
"Um, that's bad. Did you follow
your old fathers advice"
"Yes, sir"
"You struck the first blow?"
"Yes, SIR"
"And hit him hard?"
"As hard as could
knocked him DOWN."
knocked him fiat"
"And that didn't end the fight?"
"Well, ] should say not"
The old gentleman looked puzzl.
ed.
That's funny" he said, II never
knew it to fail when | was a boy"
Maybe, when you were a boy
the other fellow didn't fall on a brick
pile and get up with half brick in
his hand and chase you mile
That'll knock most any kind of
system silly."-Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
A Dilemma and the Way Out.

Footman-Mr. =, the bank
er, and his lady have the honor to
invite your lordship to dinner on
the 18th inst.
Baron-Hang it! | have not yet
decided, though, Do you happen
to have brought the menu with
YOU DIR. Eisenbart.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Young Saphead-"Do you know,
Miss Smilax, my friend, Charlie
Bighead, has got brain fever. Do
you think I'll even have it?" Miss
SmilaI-"Well, not as you are
now."-Boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

"What do you think of that art
ist who painted cobwebs on his
ceiling so truthfully that the hired
girl wore herself into an attack Of
nervous prostration trying to sweep
them downp" "There may have
been such an artist, but never such
a hired girl. indianapolis Jour.
nal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
A Dreadful Mistake.

Here is letter from poor Carrie.
She and her husband both want a
divorce and neither can get it"
What's the matter?'
He, unknown to her, was about
to elope with the governess, just a:
she, unknown to him, was about tc
elope with his secretary; they met
in the dark and eloped with each
other" Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Dear, is it really true that your
mother surprised you and Chollie
Astorbilt kissing in the hallway the
other nightp" Not exactly. Her
sudden appearance surprised Chollie
but not me" indianapolis Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

III. ileHIl DIOWH WeHI 10 Une
telephone in answer to call.
"ls that you, dear?'
"Yessy." (Mr. Brown says he
thought it was his wife,
"Do you love me as much as you
did yesterday
Il think you have the wrong
Brown-my name is Henry" said
Mr.. Brown, with Spartan virtue.
He says he heard a shrek of "oh,
mercy" and the telephone was rung
off, and he returned to his ledgers
and the cold, cold world again.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

The young woman WHO marries a
disippated young man with the idea
Of reforming him, is liable to have
her hands full as we'll as her hus-
band.-Binghamton Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Seminary teacher-"Yesterday
read you the histories of some fam
Gus heroic acts; now, Ella, what
would you consider an example of
a modern deed of heroism 2" Ella
ITO refuse a lieutenant" Fiji
egende Blatter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Doctor.-"H'm! You are run
down, sir. You need an ocean voy-
age. What is your business?'
Patient-"Second mate of the Anna
Maria, just in from Hong Kong"
Brooklyn Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Young wife--"George, dear,
want some money" George
"Why | gave you check yesterday '
Young wife-"Yes, dear; but the
doctor said was to have plenty OF
change. Pick Me Up.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

81 have heard of the courage of a
mans convictions" said the prison.
er at the bar, "but it seems to me
that the more times | get convicted
the less courage ! have. London
Fun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Love levels all things" sighed
the sadeyed swain, with pang of
of pain, as his sweetheart sat OH his
new high hat and smashed it fiat
New York journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

The shopper, in china and queens
ware store, to salesman--"You don't
break these sets, presumed" Sales
man-"No'm; but our errand boy
does sometimes"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

The people who live in Chicago
will have a good chance to see every
thing during the exposition time
including all their relatives.-Som-
erville journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

The youth who is to marry an
heiress finds life smooth sailing, and
is pleased as he thinks of the rocks
ahead.-New York Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Mr.. Dudelet-"I have great talent
Miss Caustic, and could do wonder
full things if | had only a mind to. y
Miss Caustic-"Yes; you only lack
the mind. ."--Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

She( atan art exhibition) =" What
is the title of that picture of a boy
being spanked by his mother?''
He--"I would call it whaling in
Lapland. New York journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

IL is hard for the world to believe
that the sinner who rides in a car
riage is made out of the same kind
of clay as the one who begs.-Ram's
Horn.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Deaf Customer-"What kind of
hat do yon call that?" Salesman
--"That's a Mackinaw." Deaf Gus
tomer--"Hey?" Salesman-"No;
straw. Smith, Gray & Co.'S Month
ly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

"Oh, yes, ours is a hard business" "
said the dressmaker. ats snip and
tuck with us all the time, you know"
-Lampoon,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Money is not exactly religious
article, but still it has denomina-
ton of it's own.-Rochester News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
MICHIGANCENTRAL
" The Niagara Falls Route.
Time Card in Effect.

.Daily. Daily except Sunday: Parlor car on
day trains and sleeping on night trains
WHITING, Ticket Agent,
O.w RUGGLEs. G. p. & T. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
". Baker & Co., Dorchester, Mass.


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For Burns, Scalds and liberation and
Contraction from Burns. The reliefis instant
the healing wonderful and unequaled.
For Boils, Hot Tumors, Ulcers, Fistulas,
Old Sores, Itching Eruptions, Chafing or
Scald Head. Ii is Infallible.
For Infamed or Caked Breasts and Sore
Nipples. II is invaluable.
Price, so Cents. Trial size, IS Cents.
Sold by Druggists sent postpaid receipt Of price
HumPHnEys MID. CO., iiiAiis william ST., NEW YORK.
.a.a->as
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

Tastes differ. Some people can
see beauty even in looking-glass;
others can not Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

The telephone takes everybody s
word.-Binghamton Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
HUMOROUS.

HUMOhUUb'
The telephone takes everybody's
word. Binghamton Republican.
When one jumps at conclusion
he rarely reaches it.-Dallas News.
One may screw up his courage
and have his attention riveted.-
Sitting.
The man who keeps his mouth
shut never has to eat any crow
Texas Siftings.
Mans life is a constant trial, and
all his neighbors are on the jury
Indianapolis Journal.
Many warm lover Of nature finds
after marriage that he is welded to
art.-Boston Transcript.
The man who strikes an atti-
tude imagines that he is making a
great hit.-Galveston News.
The merry singing Of the frogs
indicate a good hop crop this year.
-Binghamton Republican.
-------
i
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18

When one jumps at a conclusion
he rarely reaches it.-Dallas News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-05-18
Godey's Lady's Book,

Box II. H., Philadelphia, IA.
In Club with this paper, Godey's and the
ARGUS, price $3.50, which should be sent
to the Office of this paper.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-06-25
OutraCinC Immigrants,

Gov. Tillnan. OF South Carolina, has
received letter from Arthur v. Brie.
son, of New York, president of the
German Legal Aid society, calling his
attention to complaints made by Ger.
man immigrants against treatment re-
ceived by them at the Pom Pom phos-
phate mines in Collector county. The
letter states that last December twenty
five Germans were induced by an adj
vertisement in Philadelphia paper to
90 to the mines and work for one dollar
and fifty cents a day. They were re.
ceived by guards carrying Winchesters
and revolzers, were paid seventy-6ve
cents per day, and had to buy pro
visions of Contractor Salvatore at ex-
cessively high rates. They were
watched a, though they were criminals.
Declining r, work Sundays they were
told they would be shot, and endeavored
to leave, but were driven back by the
guards. Two escaped and laid their
grievances before the society in New
York Gov. Tillman has instructed So
Gcitor Murphy to go to the mines and
make an investigation. 1t is said that
if the abuses complained of exist they
are unknown to any except the Italian
bosses at the mines.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-06-25
MOIasseS as Fuel.

A calculation has been made of the
comparative results, from an econom-
ical point of view, of the substitution
of molasses for coal as fuel, which
has now for some time been practiced
in certain parts of the south. Accord
ing to this the lowest grades of vacuum
pan of molasses contain from 20 to 25
per cent. of sugar, which cannot be eX-
tracted by existing machinery, and, es-
timating a barrel of such molasses to be
worth net so cents OrS1, and that a bar
rel holds $50 pounds of molasses, the
molasses would thus be worth one or
two cents a gallon, and from one
eleventh to one-ffth of a cent per
pound. Now. Pittsburgh coal brought
to the sugar house furnace has for ten
years cost one-ffth of cent per pound.
Molasses burns with high heat in
combination with wood or wood fiber,
SO that in sprinlSling it on the bagasse,
the dry stalks of the sugar cane after
the saccharine juice has been pressed
from tan excellent fuel of great
power is obtained. 1t would appear
from these simple data, and estimating
that only one-half the quantity of mo-
lasses produced is used for fuel, SUBJ
stitute is furnished for $4,000 to 1OO, 900
tons of coal.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-06-25
A Social Hint,

Men should go early to party, ad-
vises the Atchison Globe, even if they
have to so before supper, and sit in the
parlor all alone while the hostess is
dressing. If man is late he is taken
around a circle of about forty people
and introduced to every one of them,
and there is nothing more awkward
than a man when he tries to bow. Eve
ry one in the room stops talking and
stares at him, and if there are any six
teen-year-old girls present he can hear
suppressed giggle when he is trying
his best to be graceful A man is never
graceful except when he is saving
wood or hammering a nail. and society
should not expect him to bow like a
woman who has spent years learning
how to handle her feet and hands
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-06-25
A New illuminate.

A German inventor has devised a
means of producing light superior in
strength to either oil or electricity. 1t
is by means of air driven through pum-
ice stone, the latter having been inn
pregnated with benzine The benzine
gas thus obtained is then carried
through fine magnesium powder and
proceeds upward through pipe to be
consumed in small fame of claimed
four hundred thousand candle-power.
The apparatus for producing this light
consists of a blast-engine for driving
the air through the pumice, and num-
Der of other accessories, all of which
take up but small space and which
are inclosed in glass case for protec-
ton from the elements, as the light is
especially designed for coast illumina-
ton.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-06-25
Uncle Sans Strong Box.

The report of the committee of ex-
perts says the whole system Of vaults
and safes wherein are stored the treas
ures of the government is defective.
Vault No. in the Treasury building is
absolutely valueless as protection to
its contents. Other vaults named in
the report are also described as practi-
cally valueless. The commission rec
ommends that with such immense
value at stake, the government should
Immediately adopt throughout system
of the best modern vaults, with the
most perfect locking arrangements.
They urge the replacing of every vault
in the Treasury building with new
ones. In rebuilding the vaults they
should be so constructed that they can
be at all times inspected from every
side. The report says that the vaults
in the subtreasury in New York are all
safer than the vaults at Washington.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-06-25
Our Inland Marine.

Nearly all traffic on the great lake.
Is Americans; all of it except about six
per cent. is conducted in vessels built
in the United States and owned by
citizen or citizens thereof" 1t is prob
able that very nearly ninety per cent.
of this large cargo tonnage, with the
capital, employments and profits en-
gagged in it's production, distribution
and consumption, is American. 1t has
built up the lake cities from Duluth and
Chicago to Buffalo,, and the freight
transferred at Buffalo to the Erie canal
is an important factor in developing
the wealth of central New York and
giving New York city the important
position it holds in the manufacturing
and trading world. Besides which, Tor
a long time this freight paid tolls to the
state averaging $4,000, 900 per annum-
Among other things developed by the
lake traffic is a land-locked marine, val
ued for insurance purposes at over $780,
100000. In this marine are 126 vessels,
registering 1880 net tons or more, SO
of which are built of steel, and 80 adj
ditional steel vessels Of large tonnage
are now being built. These vessels have
no superiors for strength in the world,
and some Of them, freight carriers, in
their regular business between Chicago
and Buffalo, maintain a higher speed
than the steamers of the Peninsular &
Oriental line are required to maintain
between England, India, Hong Kong
and Australia, receiving $500 there
for from the British government and
e6O,0O from colonial governments, OF
2,OOO, 900 per annum.