The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1892-10-12

:
Johnny, whose mother sent him to get
a basket of. chips. "Johnny was a
merry little fellow, and he went and
put the basket down by the woodpile,
and the first thing Johnny knew he
had been down in the pasture half an
hour, and his mothers voice was calling |
him. And the voice had arising index-
ion at the last Of it-'John-e' and
Johnny knew what that meant, he had
heard it before. The way he got back
to that woodpile was astonishing. But
be was too late. He didn't have time
to get the chips. Into the house he
went. And ne was lit onto with
healthy hickory, and Johnny was at
the business end oft.
".Where are these chips"
sstAh, ali me- Johnny explained
you know our bull, old Buck? Well,
old Buck was at the woodpile, and he
would put his foot on every single chip
I went to pick up
Explaining the operations of ths
tariff to the Southern people nan
said:
..rhara MOO o-cofored man down il
~ rho.,o,.,..i1le who seized the tariff W
tb;ss sSway: 7 don't know much about it
.-(S6t it seems to me sorter like dis: Dere
Isl great big COW, and its head is down
here, and we are q feedin' it and stuhin
it with hay and stuff. And de tail ol
dat COW is up yonder at de Norf, and
dey is milkin' her; dey does de mil.
kim and we does de feedin'. I say
turn her aroun' an let US milk awhile,
am let them feed awhile.' I have
come here to tell you that the Demo
cratic party is the only party on the
green earth that is trying to turn that
COW around"
He said that his good friend Bill
Virgins and and friend Of his named
John were in Atlanta not long ago.
'tAnd while they were seeing things
Bill imbibed Systematically this Allan
to whiskey. Well, the result was that
when Bill and John got to the depot to
come home. Bill was pretty drunk on
Atlanta whiskey. And he had bottle
of it in his pocket. John, he says (hic),
take this bottle (hic) and dent give
me none (hic) till 1 get to Jonesville.'
"Well, coming down on that train it
looked to Bill Wiggins like he was
never going to get to Jonesville. he
asked the conductor when he came
through: How far is 1t to Jonesville"
Twenty miles, Goodness, he was
hardly out of Atlanta He asked again.
Fifteen miles, The brakeman passed
through, and Bill asked '(hic) how far
is it to Jonesville?' Thirteen miles
Directly the brakeman hollered Jones'
ville."
"tThat bottle, Johnr said Bill jump
ing over to John, and he drank and
drank until he had drunk a half pint
of it-thst Atlanta whiskey. Well, Bill
went out on the steps and passed his
time for some time, and after a while,
when he could. he got up and went in
side, and he said: Jonesville is the
damndest sickliest place ever was in.
I didn't stay there half an hour and I
liked to died. And I tell you Jones'
vile had about as much to do with Bill
Virgins sickness as the Democratic
party has with the depression of the
country, as the Third party tells you it
has.
"You fellows who are following my
good friend, Tommy Watson, remind
me of the story of the man and the
bull. Up in the country where I live,
in the Ninth district, was man who
wanted to lead a he cow, and the man
tied the rope to the COW and then to
himself. But that cow went the other
way, with the man only hitting the
ground in high places. Another party
saw him comingand followed: Where
ale you going" Ask the bull" said the
man, as he hurried on.
"You fellows are just following the
bull, and don't know where you are
going to. But I'll tell you where you
are going to-you are going where
Johnny put his frog. Johnny was
schoolboy, and one morning theschool-
marm called him up aud gave him this
sum: a frog in we'll forty feet deep
attempted to crawl out. For every foot
he crawled up he fell back two. How
long did it take the frog to get out Of
the well?'
Johnny figured all over his slate,
and all over his sisters slate, and all the |
slaees be could borrow. That evening
the teacher said to him. Where is the |
frog?' He is three miles this side Of |
hell, and if I had an hour and three |
more states he would get there My
that's the direction ID which |
you are going, following after your !
Third party"
LIGHT on THE PLATFORMS.
In discussing tns platform of the new
party he tells o: how they started out
with the st. Louis platform, then the
Ocala platform, the Moderation of
Trades at Washington and finally the
Omaha platform. The opaha plat
'orm does not represent any idss of the
Oeala platform which is the gride Of |!
the farmers.
"Omahs PLATFORM says he reminds
me Of Johns pants. John was going
% party, and had bought a new pass |