Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
WIT AND HUMOR.
The champion irht-weipht-a shor

i ne champion ugnU-Welgnb-a SNORT
ton of coal.-Teras Siftiasgs.
The Anarchist is a man who cannot
stand other mems prosperity. Indian
apOHs Journal.
a fantic is man who takes burn
ing interest in something we don't
like.-Ran1's Horn.
Almost any man can be made to
talk if corkscrew is used to draw him
out.-BufaIo Express.
The book that makes the greatest
stir in society is the well-flled pocket
book.-Iecas SJtings.
You say your present boss treats
you better than Mr.. Smith did?" "Yis,
sorr, and oftener. "-Epoch.
A good many men are more inter-
ested in having work than poverty
abolished.-Te1as SJtings.
It's bad enough to bite off more than
you can chew, but it's worse to try to
chew it.-DetrOU Free Press.
Five things are essential to success
in life. One is a good wife; the four
others are money. Richmond Recorder.
THAT young De We're is a very
promising follow" "Ah! How much
did you lend himP"- Baltimore An'eri-
can.
1t doesn't always prove an official is
burning with public zeal when he fires
a lot of subordinates. = Philadelphia
Times.
Teacher. "Now, children, what
well-known product is raised in Ire
land?" Bright Boy-"American citi-
zens Life.
1t is hard to draw the line between
good and evil; but how does the other
political party manage to get all the
bad men?-PUcb.
"Do you know, I don't think much
of Mawson?" "You don't have to.
You can size Mawson up in two Sec
onds. Brooklyn Life.
There is never any difficulty in find
ing people to play the first fiddle, but
0 how hard it is to get the rest of the
orchestra.-Rana's Horn.
Yabsley = "Does your wife ever
choose your clothes for you?" Wick
wire-"No; she merely picks the peck
cts. indianapolis Journal.
Ethel-"G George said last night that
there wasn't a girl in town with
complexion like mine" Maud-"The
mean thing. "-Brooblyae Life.
The banana has a great variety of
uses. 1t is said that flour is now made
from it. 1t is no secret that the skin
makes low slippers. Courier.
Women would do better work against
the devil if they got down on their
knees less for the men and stood up
more for the women.-AtchisON Globe.
Old Soak" Self-preservation is the
first law of nature" Young Croak-"I
suppose that is why you keep yourself
in alcohol all the time. st. Joseph
Nea0s.
Foley-"Have you nice neighborsp"
Patterson Elegant. Why, they spend
the fall and winter in Florida and the
spring and summer in Newport"
Epoch.
Primus-"Y Young DR.. Neale tells me
that in his speciality he has never
made a mistake in diagnosis" Secund-
us-"What's his specialty-autopsies?"
Judge.
q am welded to art" said Farley.
well, said Criticus, gazing at Parley's
picture, "rd get a divorce if were
you. She has deserted u."-Brook-
Ign Life.
Every man in the world is telling
what he would do if he were a woman,
and every woman tells of things she
would not do if she were a man.-AtcA-
js0n Globe,
Sunday school Teacher (sadly)-
q m afraid, Johnny, that | will never
meet you in heaven" Johnny-Why?
What have you been doing now?"-
Hagper'S Bazor.
"Why do you Boston girls keep
follow at such distance?" sighed Fay
CT. Its the way of the Hub" Miss
at her pun.-N. 7. Herald.
No, my son, it is not always polite
to tell a man what you think of him.
1t is safer to tell it to somebody else,
and is just as effective in most in
stances.-BoSl0n Transcript.
4 wishI hadn't eaten that apple"
said Fatty ruefully. why, was it a
bad one?" well, ] believe it was
spelling for fight" and his face took
on look of pain.-St. Joseph Nee0s.
I've got an idea for play" said
Spivyins. "WeIl, I'll tell you what to
do with it if you want your play to
succeed" replied Spavvins. "What?"
Leave the idea out. - Washington
Star.
Women ora more faithful To = MEM
DRY than men. All of them cling as
tenaciously and as long to their youth
as they can, and yet with many of
them it is q mere memory. -RhiJadet-
phj0 Times.
A Hindoo baby is named when it is
y days old, and usually by the moth
er. The names the father calls it
then, especially nights, wouldn't usual
ly look well on visiting card.-S0n1-
errjlle Journal.
Beggar please, sir, will We lend
me a dime ter git somethin' ter eat?"
Gentleman-"You've got a quarter in
your hand now. What's that for?"
Beggar- THAT'S ter tip the waiter
n. 7. Weekly.
"Your kisses do not seem to have the
same spirit about them they had once"
complained Mrs Fits. "Of course
not" said Mr.. Fits. You could not
expect them to since have sworn off"
Indianapolis Journal.
Guest-"And you are the proprietor
of this popular hotel, are you? Why,
l was here last summer, and | don't
think you owned it then, did you?"