The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-05-24
HUhoR UNDER DIFFICULTIES.
Some Remarkable Historical Instance
of Rrirht RefortS.

SOhlS hIstofAtdA Ahst8nCeS
of Bright Retorts.
One of the smartest of the celebrated
Bishop Bloomfields bonmots was also
made during his last illness. He had
inquired what had been the subjects of his
two archdeacons' charges, and was told
that one was on the art of making sermons
and the other on churchyards. "Oh,
see," said the dying bishop, composition
and decompositionp' Among the pecul-
iarities of Selwyn, which attracted atten-
ton were his love of children and his NOR
bid taste to see death or the dead. Not an
execution escaped him, and be is said to
have made journey TO Paris to see Da-
miens broken on the wheel. This last pro-
pensity was the subject of many a joke
among his intimates, of which the first
Lord Hceind's was the best.
When on his deathbed he was told that
Selwyn had called to inquire after him
THE next time Mr.. Selwyn calls, " said he,
"show him up, for if am alive / shall be
delighted to see him, and if l am dead he
will be glad to see me-" Equally as grimly
cynical was the reply of William Taylor
Tor Willie Harrow" as he was commonly
called. Being visited in his last extremi-
ty by clergyman, he was askedi if he were
prepared for another world. "'Deed, sir,
said Willie, Il dinna ken if need trouble
myself ABBOTT it; for if the folk there are
like the folk here, they'll pay unco little
attention to apuir body like me-"
The field of battle has produced many
an example of grim humor, and capital
story is told Of how, when Sir William
Scrope was about to charge with his troop
at the famous conflict of Edgehill, at the
opening ball of the parliamentary cam
paign against Charles l. he said to his
young scapegrace of son, Jack, if l
to spend" to which the rogue answered,
And egad, father, if l should be killed
you will have enough to pay" why are
you so melancholy" asked the Duke of
Marlborough of soldier after the battle of
Blenheim. Il am thinking" replied tine
man, 'how much blood l have shed for six
pence" Another retort of one of the rank
and file conveyed well merited rebuke.
A soldier had his two hands carried off at
the wrists by shot. His colonel offered
him crown. Colonel" replied the man
reproachfully, 'it was not my gloves bus
my hands that I lost"
Once" writes Mr.. Lawrence Oliphant,
81 was in a Cornish mine, some hun
dreds of feet down in the bowels of the
earth. Crawling down ladder and feel
ing that the temperature was every mo-
ment getting warmer, said to miner,
who was accompanying me: 1T is getting
very hot down here. How far do you think
it is to the internal regions" don't
know exactly he replied, but if you let
go you will be there in two minutes"
Sheridan, too, when dying, on being re-
quested to undergo an operation, humor-
ously replied that he had already submit
ted to two, which were enough for one
mans lifetime. Being asked what they
were, he answered, Having my hair cut and
sitting for my picture" There is sly in
situation in the following, which no doubt
was duly appreciated by the person to
whom it was addressed.
Even dueling, too, has discovered men
who will jest to the very last, and as an ex-
ample of grim humor under singularly I'M
comfortable circumstances the following
would be exceedingly hard to beat. NJ. de
Malsaignes was a determined duelist.
Having quarreled with a brother officer
they agreed to fight out the dispute in the
very room where it took place, when NJ. de
Malsaignes' adversary managed to run
him through the body and nail him against
the door. This is all very WELL" said the
transfxed dueist, 'but pray how are you
to get out2" DR.. Mead and DR.. Woodward
fought under the gates of Gresham college.
Woodward's foot slipped, and he was at
the mercy of his opponent. ''Take your
life" exclaimed Dr. Mead. Anything
but your physic," retorted the PROSTATE
man Il OndOn Standard