Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-09-11
TOO MUCH ATTENUATION.
Col. Bugg's Criticism OF Growing An
lean TQnaancv
7Aieaoo hftr.0cso


"The next thing and some light
hearted American will be quoting
Shakespeare. as saying, 'Brevity is the
S. o. W."
The speaker was Col. Solomon Bugg,
late OF Kansas, and editor OF the Ell
| Dorado Spleen. The Colonel was seated
ct lunch counter with his heels hung
| on high round and his bent legs man
ufacturing two large bags In the knees
OF his trousers, function for which
lunch counter stools are justly famous.
He took of his broad-brimmed hat, sur
veying 1t casually, continued:
"Where Is this country going 10, gen.
| tlemen? What is going 10 become OF
US? ask this in oil sincerity. Has the
American nation respected the sanetity
Of anything? Do the American people
hold anything invlolable? Is there eny
pride In the preservation OF any art in
the national conglomerate called Uncle
Sam? Show an American beautiful
| pastoral painting and be will ask the ar
list how much wheat TO the acre the
| leld over TO the right OF the picture Is
intended to produce.
Take him TO classical concert and
he viii pick the biggest horn Tor the
best music.
"And look at our language. just
| think how IL has been juggled and jun
bled. There is no respect for purity.
for form, or arecedentS. Take the pres
ent craze for Authorizations. II is a5om-
Unable, scurrilouSly ab0mina6le, sir.
/ How many citizens of Chicago speak
| English to-day? Just now l asked tho
waiter 10 bring me cup OF coffee right
away, and he said: Cert, T.. ID. o.
Could Dick Steele or Addison or old
DIR. Johnson understand such English
as that?
Sometimes when / get to thinking
about Columbia being the gem OF the
ocean, conclude that she has degener-
ated into second-class Rhinestone,
and feel like packing up, absquatulat-
ing and emigratIng TO land whore the
gyasticutus gyasticutes, the snaggle-
toothed tigledewug Swins In the swish,
and the sozzling swirl OF the slubberly
slime and the wangdoodle mourneth bis
first born.
II went 70 a railroad Office the other
day and asked over what roads could
reach ST. Louis. Did the man behind
the counter answer me in Euglish2 No
sir. He shot the English alphabet at
me as IL il had been fred from q blum
derbus.
asst Louis he said. over the c., Il.
and @; r., |. and p; A., II. and 5. f.;
c. and A; !. c; j. ana ;. Wp'
IL looked at him In astonishment.
"'Do you want q ticket? nc asked,
coming back 70 English
II didn't, as spoke English, and was
not versed in American. But as [
walked out he turned 10 another clerk
and said, ID H., suppose
~ rambled over 10 take train for
the base ball grounds.
els this the eleyatedT asked Of
the man at the gate.
at is the IL" said he correcting
me.
"'More American abbrevIatIon'
thought |.
"'Mind your P's aud Q's, be shouted.
grabbing me and pulling me on the
train.
"'Do you like this better than tho
cables@ asked, drawing the guard
into conversation.
"'Cable n. e., he answered to my
misery.
"Dd you leave the cablo yolnn-
tarily%
mo, got the G. b.
"Abbrvlation everywhere; nothing
but the alphabet with u dlsordered
stomach.
81 dropped over 10 tho base ball game.
I have always heard that 10 is tho
American national game. guess that
is true. IL is impossible, az least, 70
understand IL with tho English
language. | opened the score book,
This is what greeted my eyes; a; T.; y.
o.; II. b.; L. b.; ). b.; b.; a.; Be- X.
b. on b.; II. by T.; 10 on y.
"And this Is country that claims 70
speak the English language! ! might
as well have been In the. village OF
Hooperignio In Southern Africa watch-
ina the native tribe OF Blgeon0peras
playing a game called Dissertations.
81 fed for the race track only 10 iind
q worse conglomeratiOn OF p. D., CHI. r.,
b. c., br. g., b. e., CHI. T., c. g., ch. m.
And had paid my hard silver for
this!
This abbrevlation craze IA spread
ing everywhere. You will find II on
the stage, where the actors talk Of the
0. p. side, and the l.. H., aud the hrst
f.. e., and the second l.. T., and the Il.
o. NJ.
"Look at the American societies. Can
anybody name them? No, not by the
English language. They are the !. ".
O. r., the G.. A. r., the w. 9. +. o., j..
OF L., and the G.. o. p, X. OF u. aud n.
M. Il. A., and thousand others. Go
into saloon aud you will hear somo-
body order an Al 5. and u. Lend .
man dollar and he will give you his
! /. O. u. Next month Sullivan and
Corbett will enter the =. II. at New Or
leans and fight Q. Z. The printer talks
intelligently about mp. H. &c.
"The same day | went TO the base Daii
game. ] dropped into Dix estaoiisn'
meht on State street. wonan was
trying on bonnet.
"'Does IL ftp she asked.
"'To T. came the answer.
"'Do / look well ia itY
Away up In g.
"'How much will IL cost?'
"a W
"'rll take IT; send II up to tho houA4
C. o. D.
Certainly
"That arrangement is satisfactory
10 you, then?
"'Yes; all o. K
THAT night as was going home =
patrol wagon carried q man away 81
passed.
"'Who isir?' asked Of a policeman
who is a friend Of mine.
"'Oh, It's R., prominent D. ".
He's got the ID. T. Remember THIS -