The morning news., 1892-02-28
"BAB'S" WOMANLY SPICE.
IT BRIGHTENs FEMININE TRUTHS
OF MANY KINDS.

Voice w as StrOng-HoW to Reform q
Drunkard-Ahead of the Keeley
Cure-Woman in Mans Fevorite
Placs-A Woman Who Likes Big
Men-Reserved For the Men-A Mod
ern Ten Commandents.
(CoDEtqhf.)
NEW YORK, Feb. 27.-The effort TO be
beautiful has come like wave over all the
women in this country. There are shops
that call themselves temples of beauty, that
announce wondrous creams and liquids that
will make ordinary, everyday women
modern Venuses. and there are men, wo-
men and so-called doctors who are going to
recreate womankind. They little know the
subjects upon which they have to work.
WOMEN ARE LIKE MONKEYS.
Woman is naturally like monkey. She
does not take gracefully to cleanliness.
With her it as much of an educated taste as
olives or truffies. She'd rather worry over
some nasty smelling mess to make her skin
look white than 90 In for taking a bath
every morning, aud she'd rather fiddle with
some vile grease to work wrinkles of her
face than cultivate happy temper, which
Is really the only sure preventive of the
marks OL OlLuo OOLIoDOuJ says LQhb QarQ-
heartedness, which is an absolute giving
up Of all emotions, will stop the wrinkles,
but / doubt this. l know women
hard enough, as far as their hearts
are concerned, to serve for millstones. and
yet the unamiable marks come Just under
their eyes. A woman will gush over a
beautiful complexion, and yet she is en-
tirely too lazy to cultivate it; she will take
g bath one morning, then stop for three,
hor, ohA sa cko ia. IL
lutely i'd perfectly clean, it is usually be-
cause she has got married and the man has
been the cause of it. There are five or six
truths in this world. and this is one of them (:
Men are a thousand times more c!eanlv than
women.
HOW SOME WOMEN WASH.
The average woman's idea of washing is
TO take towel, dip the end of it in some
water, rub some soap on it, then dab it
round her face and neck and trust that the
rest won't show. tell you, and l am speak
ing ex cathedra, that when women learn to
tub, to scrub, to use big sponges, big towels
plenty Of soap and buckets of hot water,
followed by showers and sprays Of cold :,
then they will all have beautiful complex
ions, and, best Of all, good tempers. Of
course, there are dirty men.
APRoPos OF OSCAR wILDE's FAMILY.
l don't know why dirt always suggests
the Wilde family to me, Oscar was big and
clean looking. To be sure, he did not say
that Dust is the bloom Of time" In that
case deal of it must have bloomed on his
late father, from the stories they tell in
Dublin about him. 1t is said that one night,
at dinner at the castle, man who was
looking very dragged out had been telling
that he had just crossed the channel, and
that was the reason for his appearance.
Another man said to him: 80, you must
have had very bad time of itr' The
traveller answered: II never saw such dirty
night in my iife!" A voice from the other
end of the table said: ibid some one men
ton Sir William Wildep' trust the Ameri-
can nation does not need a key to this joke.
HER VOICE WAS STRONG.
Lady Wilde is a very tall woman with a
very deep voice. and Brough, the comedian,
says the funniest experience he ever had
was at the theater when Oscar Wilde took
him to introduce him to his mother. In his
sweet low. velvety voice, the apostle of art
murmured, Mother, l want to have the
pleasure of introducing Mr.. Brough to you. s"
deep, sepulchral voice announced, 81 am
glad to meet Mr.. Brough,n and frightened
him SO that he almost fell over. However,
Lady Wilde was the only woman In Dublin
who had anything that compared to the
saloons run by the literary women of New
York; those diabolical entertainments
where everybody does something.
THE EXPERIENCE OF A YOUNG CHAP
at one of these was very funny. He had
come from his country place to spend a
week or SO in Dublin, and was invited to
Lady Wilde's, and, being very polite, be
vent. He was announced with great dig
nity-well. we call him Mr.. Roscommon.
Ills hostess was dressed in tarletan, flounced
10 her waist, each fiounce being different
hue, SO that she looked like six feet of rain
bow. She said to him. "Mr. Roscom-
mon. do you singW With a regretful
DOW, Ee said, mo madam "Mr. Ros-
common, do you reoiteP' Another regret
iul bow ana the same answer. Then in an
rrltated tone his hostess said: "Mr. Ros-
common what can you dol" An Irishman's
Wit wouldn't forsake him at the coffin of his
grandmother and this one proved no ex>
ceptlon to the rule, for in answer to the last
question he bowed very low and said: "I
can only admire a beautiful woman and ex-
press that admiration by kissing her hand.n
he said afterward it was q pretty hard
uose but the family reputation had to be
kept up.
HOW TO REFORM DRUNKARD.
by the by, somebody said not long ago
!uat women were intellectually timid.
uont think they are. The way they
,"rassle" with the most abstruse subjects
suows an intellectual courage greater than
Iuat beautiful physical one credited to J.
lawrence Sullivan of Boston. The ques-
sioh toey are tackling now is how to reform
..ruhKards. ~ And they are perfectly willing
y. prescribe anything from the faith cure to
ue lao. | have little theory of my own
W ene subject. aud am going to give it to
Suy woman who has, as an attachment, a
husband inclined to get drunk. It is worth
S;tlClng down In your PRAYER book, or your
u'aFy' whichever you look into the oftenest:
AHEAD OF THE KELLEY CURE.
be as amiable as possible: put ice on his
utal and don't mind little thing like a
tse t'ece OF 1t running down his back, because
haa, baa. Will help cool him off. Bandage his
co oau up, put lavendar water, bay rum.
onIPhor on aud everything you can think of
s., ulh, and when he objects, 60 quietly
hoy II yoI have the moral courage to
ort up your head against the door as you go
rsr, rI aud get big bump or a black eye, the
WIS VIII yours. Come in the next morning
con glass of iced milk,
mst. nm your poor darling and
brnse b1.e eim feel that he is the worst
tbss ate with the largest d before him, aud
w. you are the dearest woman in the
voa q. II he refers to your bruises, say
is i;.. would rather not talk about it aud cry
1, e; say some one is coming to paint
AnS 9o mere there shan't be any gossip about it.
MI Mi gtadually 1t will dawn on his half-sick
Az 1e tnat he hit you, and then-well, you
vo,, Noe descended from Mother Eve unless
book 9"h That man, body. soul and bank