Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-09-23
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


in gale on the sea.--The Jester.
The calendar is very good reminder
that our days are numbered.
When the public has faith in writer's
name, it is a faith which must be backed
up by good works.-Puck.
Extreme of heat and cold produce like
effects. When a man is "frozen out"
he is apt to get red hot.-Life.
"Well, I've sworn off my worst habit,
William" "Which one9" responded
William.-Chicago News Record.
Why are girls so afraid
Wnen the lightnings are active?
'Tis because each dear maid
Is aware she's attractive.
Judge.
He-"No one can underslaed what
the wild waves are saying" She-"Of
course not. The ocean is so very deep"
New York Herald.
A West Philadelphia man wants to
sell his parrot, which he advertises as
being "suitable for deaf family
Philadelphia Record.
The coffee palaces of Melbourne, says
an exchange, are the finest in the world.
The grounds are probably likewise very
fine. Rochester Post.
Our English language is full of eccen-
tricities. We wind up watch to set it
going. But we wind up business con-
Germ to stop it.-Lowell Courier.
Brazenly she begs for kisses,
Boldly makes arch eyes at me;
Such a shameless mink as this is
My daughter, etat three.
Chicago News Record.
From time immemorial men have been
held up for examples, and now and then
they've been held up for what they
had about their clothes. es.-Binghamton
Leader.
The fellow that's up with the times,
And sees with glass all things,
Gets awfully left in the lurch
By the circus that has three rings.
chicago Inter-Ocean.
Twynn-"They say that Dingier
hadn't friend in the world" Triplett
-"No wonder. He went about recitlng
elocutionary selections Mt parlor enter
tainments detroit Free Press.
sI ought to study photography"
unused the seaside young man who had
proposed again. ~ really ought. can
develop moro negatives in given time
than ANYBODY l know of. ."-Washington
Star.
Hostess-"I've got such cold to-day.
feel quite stupid" Prize Idiot (call-
might've got bad cold, too; but
don't feel particularly stupid" Hostess I,
-"Ah, see you're not quite YOURSELF"
London Punch.
~ will improve my mind" said he; i
II can, though l don't look it,"
And she responded merrily,
''First catch your hare; then cook it."
Washington Star.
"Dear Father: We are well and
happy. The baby has grown ever so
much and has great deal more sense
than he used to have. Hoping the
same of you, remain your daughter,
Molly."-Texas Siftings.
Twillinger-sI hear that Tompkins
drank up all his diamonds in the last
month";" Wife-'I know then that
they are not of first water or he would
never have tasted them, the horrid old
sot. Chicago Inter Ocean.
The King of the Cannibals nothing could
save
He passed from earthly labors;
And kind missionaries wrote over his grave
ga man who loved his neighborS"
The Mistress-"You really don't want
the coffee2" The Tramp-''Pardon me,
madam; but detect the presence of two
Jumps of sugar. My invariable habit Is
to take one lump only. may be ragged,
but possess the true instincts of the
epicure. Pittsburgh Bulletin.
A Waldo County lam-digger, of con-
siderable creative faculty, wanted to say
something real bad of a neighbor and
delivered himself of this "The critic:
amt got any brains; the inside of his
head amt even lathed, let alone being
plastered. y Lewiston (Me.) Journal.
"Tell your worthy mother that am
coming to see her soon," said lady on
Austin avenue to Mrs. SniverlYs little
boy, who was playing in front of the
gate. 81 am glad you are coming, and
ma will be glad to sec you, too" "How
do you know she will be glad to see mea"
asked Mrs. Sniverly. "Because heard
her say yesterday she would be glad to
see somebody who didn't come here to