The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-11-24
THE TALE OF A TURKEY.
A THANKSGIVING BIRD WHICH
WOULD NOT ROAST.

~ASN0b ftttutlQ IN EtftSONTQ DisDuICA-
We were to have had dinner at l: 30
o'clock-Thanksgiving dinner-a year ago.
Hall dozen guests had been invited to eat
turkey with US, and had accepted with an
enthusiasm which led me to order a very
large bird Of our butcher. 1 told him that
If he attempted to impose upon meas he
had few days before, in the case Of a
chicken which he represented TO be Of ten
der years, but which in reality was the
Oldest rooster on Manhattan Island when
Hendriok Hudson sailed up the bay-I
would call upon him Friday morning, and
fix him so that be couldn't Dist gush him
self from his own sausage meat at Is cents a
pound l then took the turkey and his
ante-mortem statement regarding it.
By l O'Clock on Thanksgiving day our
guests had arrived. There were Mr.. and
Mrs Leland, who were boarding then, and
were naturally glad to come to IA nice home
like place such as our fiat, where at least
the meat is carved in full view of the audi
ence, and they oan zee plenty to eat, even il
they do not dare to ask for as much as they
want. There were two lady art students,
cousins of my wife, who are studying paint
ing with Sig. Tomalli land one, fear with
Nine. Fowler, the complexion artist. The
party was completed by two bachelor
friends who had come on my assurance that
the festivities of the day should be opened
with Manhattan cocktails all around.
ENDEAvoRING TO MAKE IT PLEASANT.
In the interval before dinner | endeav-
ored to make it pleasant for these people,
while Maude, at the other end of the fiat,
was making it very lively for our cook
Presently Maude came into the parlor again
xaIfh nh n mi Ia 10 I I'M
that smile; have seen it a great many
simes. 1t is good enough to deceive
strangers with, but it always informs me
that the deuce is to pay in the kitchen.
When Maude smiles that way it is an even
bet that the cook is shinning down the rear
fire escape for her life. AS soon as the
conventionalities OF high society would per-
miT asked Maude privately what was the
exact nature Of the calamity.
"Howdy," she whispered, "the turkey
isn't done. That stupid cook has let the fire
get low, and dinner will be late. Keep
these peoples minds occupied with some
thing while go out and hurry things up.n
did my best to occupy their minds, and
if they would rather have had turkey with
cranberry sauce than my conversation l am
not responsible for their lack Of intellectual
appreciation. Presently Maude returned,
smiling even more sweetly than before. l
began TO be afraid that the fire mad gone
out entirely. Hastily excusing myself l
went to the kitchen.
We'll, Norah,n said l, whats the matter
with the turkeyp
"The turnkey do be all right" replied
this discriminating descendant of Fin-Ma.
Cool, "but the ovens as cold as a shtone.n
A SUDDEN CHANGE OF MIND.
"Tho fire needs to be stirred up" said |,
and 81 ssped the poker. Then let go of it.
ius nj
pearance of perfect calm while nourishing
the most violent and rssentful emotions.
why in the name Of Sam Fl Ill didn't you
tell me the poker was hotf | yelled.
because ye found it out immajetly for
yeself," said Norah, with asperity.
l wrapped a handkerchief around the
poker carried il to the sink, and plunged it
into large pan of water. The water was
boiling hot. Apparently the oven was the
only cold place in our entire culinary
system, and this reflection brought my
thoughts back to the turkey. | cooled the
poker with water from the pipe and then
attacked the fire. 1 have had as little
acquaintance with kitchen ranges as is
possible IN a state of mstrimoHy, but the
man who makes them could not find their
hot spots with more thoroughness and dis
patch than l did on this particular COCA
sion. II the turkey had been as well done
as my right hand when all was over, |
should not have hesitated to order it served
Bandages coucealing liberal daubs of
glycerine and cold cream ornamented the
wounded member when l returned to the
parlor.
A MOST DIsCoURAGING TASK.
Maude escaped Immediately, and was
left to entertain the party. II was a most
discouraZing task; they all looked so dread
fully hungry. imagined that their cheeks
were already suuken with famine. Sud-
denly the clock struck 8 with a startling
distinctness. l never knew that clock to
strike 80 loudly before. IL usually had
faint far-away sound, but on this day it
talked. Zone, two, three, and no turkey
yet" it said. Then, through the wall came
the sound Of another clock strik-
ing 8 in the next fat. Afterward
the clock just below US, on the
second a or, struck. and then Mrs. MoGog-
gins large cuckoo clock on the fourth floor
chirped few merry notes. | had never
known that the voices OF the various time
pieces were audible in our fiat, but, indeed,
there had never been such an awful silence
there before that | could remember.
imagined that could hear clocks striking
all over the city. Everybody seemed to be
listening. l tried to say something, hut
out OF about 1000 things, which came to
my mind, there was not one which did not
suggest food or time.
Presently one OF the young men began to
tell story which he had read Ia q morning
paper. 1t related to a gentleman named
Smith, who was trying to starve himself to
death in a western penitentiary. Then the
other young man contributed an account of
the adventure OF poor sailor, who, after
floating nine days on raft in midocean,
became so wild with hunger that he ate up
the graphing iron which was thrown to
him from a passing vessel. Cannibalism
was the next subject introduced. aud very
lenient views we're expressed regarding this
practice.
THE POT AND THE KETTLE.
At this point Maude appeared and had
momentary hopes that we were going to
dine; but she quickly let me know by a sign
that the turkey was not done. l endeavored
to communicate to Maude in the same man
ner the information that she was decorated
with a narrow black stripe running down
one side of her nose, evidently resulting
from q too intimate inspection of the
quality of the coal which had been foisted
upon US by dishonest dealer, under the
false pretense that turkeys could be roasted
with 1t. l rememb ered with awful sinking
of the heart that this was our first days
trial Of the new kind of coal whion | bad
strongly recommended and she had dis.
trusted. She did not understand my
signals, but in a few minutes she approached
me and said in g hurried whisper: "Howdy,
there is a great black smooch on the side Of
your nose.h