The record-union., 1892-06-04
PHYSICS AND Law.
Sciences that are Too Scientific for
Common MortaIs.
squink Runs Up Against a Modern
Medical Work and Gets Ratified
"A Dig at Lawyers.

While in quest of few stray fragments
Of knowledge that had eluded me and
which I have heretofore not had in my
private collection, lately collided with
the leading medical magazine of the
State.
This magazine is edited and indorsed
by some of the most prominent doctors
OF the coast, who ought to know what
they are talking about; but if they are
after my subscription they won't got it
this year.
According to my observations, knowl-
edge, fact, history, and authentic infor-
nation generally, when it is properly
gathered in and prepared, is done up 10
neat bales and labeled in simple, plain
language that a person with an ordinary
intellect can comprehend.
These medical gentlemen, together with
the legal fraternity, seem to differ with
my views, and continually insist upon
fixing things up otherwise, as l learn
from the medical work aforesaid, and
from a brief reference to the codes and
statutes.
When | turn TO a medical work ] am in
quest OF information (or amusement, and
not for an impetus to insanity. In the
interest of public welfare | wish to place
my protest on file, for what it is worth,
and then | will avoid the law and medi-
cine with the best o. my ability. When
l wrestle with wisdom l want a fair
chance, and expect TO deal with words TO
be found in some language or dictionary,
and not with an alphabetic influenza.
The first anecdote in the aforesaid mag
azine was a treatise on "Hypodermo-
klysiS"-which l skipped-and in wild
effort to get the taste out of my mouth
strangled on the next topic about "Elec-
! trOlyUic Treatment of HirsutiteS"-Some
| foreign kind of trichin5e, suppose.
/ turned away from hirsutites and
sought an antidote in the next little story,
which was all about case Of ''Sigmoid
! COlOtOmy''-a prose tale that might have
| been started in good faith by the writer,
| but he went aStray.
After wandering through dissertation
about some Obstetrics, Gynecology and
| Pediatrics, / reeled around and finally
staggered up against a collection Of
"OphthalmoIogy," )" "Olotogy'' and Lar
yngology," and | haven't been able to do
anything since.
Being slightly convalescent, take this
interval, preceding an expected relapse,
to cry out against these perpetrators of
paralysis. II the medical fraternity have
anything to say that they can't express,
why don't they give it up and not rush
| into print?
If our lawyers and doctors will confine
| themselves to their legitimate callings,
and leave the language to be prepared by
people, we may all be happy yet, and
when we got sick we would stand some
chance of knowing what sort Of disease
had hold of us.
l have noticed for good while that we
| are progressing in everything except law
and medicine, but in these things we are
gradually going to seed and despair, and
don't know as much by twelve months as
we did last year at this time.
When | go TO law, and become involved
in litigation, never master the legal
phrases used in the case until it is too
late, and [ lose my suit, my reputation.
and all the money [ had borrowed from
my folks. Besides, the lawyers / have
employed always waste so much time fix
ingsup disreputable collection of words
that they never have time to attend to real
business. When they make out their
bills, however, they are always written
in good English that is altogether too APP
parent.
If q man evades the law he is likely to
get sick, and then when the doctors get at
him with their vocabulary he might as
well die-previous to taking their pre-
ScriptiOns, of course.
This is q hard old world, anyhow, and
has decidedly azure hue at times. It's
a difficult matter to fix things up salts
factorily, but the best advice l have to
scatter abroad is-avoid law and physic,
take your chances on getting justice, and
die without assistance. SQUINK.