Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-02-21

and reluctant tongue in his head, wouldn't
be thoughtful enough to keep a few re-
sources in reserve for rainy day, when
he's got as many as have to select from?''
"Oh, you make me feel SO much better al
ready, Colonel"
"Have you ever been in my laboratory
"Whv, nc"
''That's it You see you didn't even know
that 1 had one. Come along. I've got a
little trick there that 1 want to show you.
I've kept it perfectly quiet; not 30 people
know anything about it. But that's my
way, always been nv way. Wait till you're
ready, that's the idea; and when you're
ready, zip!-lot her go!''
that I've had such unbounded confidence in
as you. When you say thing right out
1 always feel as if that ends it; as If that Is
evidence, and proof, and everything else
The old Earl was profoundly pleased and
touched.
'T'm glad you believe in me, Washing
ton; not everybody is so Just. +"
81 have always believed in you, and I
ALWAYS shall as long as I live. "
'sThank you, nv boy. You shan't repent
it. And YOU can't" Arrived in the 'labor-
atory," the Earl continued, "Now, cast
your eve around this room-what do you
see? Apparently, junk shop; apparently,
hospital connected with patent Office; in
reality, the mines of Golconda in disguised
Look at that thing there. Now, what
would YOU take that thing to be?'
81 don't believe could ever imagine" I"
"Of course you couldn't It's my grand
adaptation of the phonograph to the marine
service. You store up profanity in it for use
at sea- You know that sailors don't hv
around worth a cent unless you swear at
them, so the mate that can do the best job
of swearing is the most valuable man. In
great emergencies his talent saves the ship.
Blu. ship is large thing and he can't be
everywhere at once; so there have been
times when one mate has lost a ship which
could have been saved if they had had
hundred. Prodigious storms, you know.
Well, ship can't afford hundred mates,
but she can afford hundred cursing phono-
graphs and distribute them all over the
vessel; and there, you see, she's armed at
every point Imagine a big storm and q
hundred of nv machines all cursing away
at once-splendid spectacle, splendid!-you
couldn't hear yourself think. Ship goes
through that storm perfectly serene; she's
just as safe as she'd be on shore"
'It's wonderful idea How do you pre-
pare the things?"
LOAD it-simply load it."
"How?"
"Why, you just stand over 1t and swear
into it. -
THAT loads it does it?'
"Yes, because every word 1t collars 1t
keeps-keeps it forever. Never wears out.
Any time you turn the crank out it'll come.
In times of great peril you can reverse it,
and it'll swear backwards. That makes
sailor hump himself"
'Oh, see. Who loads them-the mate?"
eyes, if he chooses Or I'll furnish them
already loaded. can hire an expert for
SIS month who will load $50 Photographs
in $50 hours, and do it easy. And an ex-
pert can furnish a stronger article of course,
than the mere average uncultivated mate
could. Then, you see, all the ships of the
world will buy them ready loaded, for 1
shall have them loaded in any language
customer wants. Hawkins, it will work the
grandest moral reform of the nineteenth