The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-08-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

The summer girl has put up with
many a rain beau.-Rochester Post
The rights of the kicker consist
chiefly of his wrongs. Gdl0eston Nea0s
Man was given brains for purpose.
Some never find this out.-TerGs Sttt-
tngs.
A man is called confirmed liar
when nothing that he says is con-
tirmed.-Boston Transcript.
OF all the methods of capital punish
ment the guillotine still takes the
head. YopkerS Statesman.
When man "feels his oats" it is not
always evidence of his being stable
character - YoTakers Gazette.
Woman proved her ability to take
great strides in reform when she
adopted the divided skirt.-EtrnirG
Gazette.
The reason why Southern plantrse
are unable. to hold their cotton is that
it is sure to be admitted to bale. -
Loaoel Courier.
Employer-"You are not worth
your salt to-day. What is the matterP"
Clerk (sleepily)-"I got here on time" !"
IN. 2. Weekly.
It's strange how crowded the
thoroughfare looks to the man that's
chasing his straw hat down the street.
-Binghanatoss Leader.
"See here, waiter, this pie hasn't
any apples in it," Waiter-"l know
it, sab; it am made OF evaporated
apples. ."-LGnlpooas
Whatever may be the case in ordin-
sry matters, it is certainly true that
figures do not lie when in bathing
Philadelphia Times.
Jinks-@Is political economy an art
or scienceP" Filkins-"O, science;
political expenditure is where the art
comes mn. 7. Herald.
When you come right down to the
facts in the case, it's the loose-flttlng
straw hat that shows which way the
wind blows.-Teras Stfttngs.
Commuter-"Anyt timetables out?"
Ticket Agent gave you one this
morning" Commuter-"But that was
six hours ago. IN 7. Weekly.
Fortu.. stely America has not got a
Mount Etna, but she produces re-
spectacle volcanic disturbance every
four years. Philadelphia Leader.
Now that the season of side-gate
flirtations has begun, it is well to
remember that too many cooks spoil
the Philadelphia Record.
aWill you love me when Pm oldP"
simpered gay Miss Oldgirl to her
youthful intended, @Why, my darling,
do" responded he in mild surprise.
Baltimore NeaOs.
ais that a good dogP" "I used to
think so, but have my doubts now"
@WhyP" "I've had him month and
nobody has tried to steal him. y
Washington Star.
al have such an indulgent husband,
said little Mrs. Doll. "Yes, so George
says" responded Mrs. Spiteful.
Sometimes INDUCES little too much,
doesn't IEd-Bits.
Mudge-aW you at the races yes
terdayg" Yabsley-"No." Nudge
@Then I guess you've got it" "Got
whatp" give dollars. l need it,
Indianapolis Jourpai.
Murilla- -"Don't you find ocean
bathing very strengthening" Milicent
yes, indeed. It strengthens ones
nerve. used to be quite shy before
began IN. Y. Herald.
@You can't claim" said the man who
doesn't care for the rod and line, "that
fishing affords exercise" 20, yes, it
does" was the reply; "for the imagina-
ton. - Washington Star.
Miss Footlights-@I tell you when
Miss Kickley saw my ieweIry she fairly
must have actually been SO if she was
envious. s."-Jea0elers Weekly.
Bellows-"Now, if you were in my
shoes what do you think you would
doP" Breeze examining them)-
"Well, certainly think l should get
another pair. ."-Bostoas Courier.
"How do you account for woman's
love of ribbons, Miss Pertie?" he asked.
II think it may be due to the fact that
no woman who has ribbons need be
without ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Successful Lawyer-"Always re-
member one think, young man: There
is plenty of room at the top!' Student
-"But / want to be a lawyer. I'm
not studying for hotel clerk. Good
NeaOs.
Jinks-a Boarding in the country
now, Ell? What do you do with your
self eYeningsP" Winks-"Some nights
/ sit out doors to keep cool, and other
nights I go to bed to keep warm."-
N. Y. Weekly.
Pater-"Do you think that I would
allow man of your uncertain pro-
spects to marry my daughter?" Suitor
Yes; because if married her, you
see, that my prospects wouldn't be En
certain. ."-Harper''s BGzGr.
A poor old topper, who was in the
habit of getting lost on his way home,
was asked how he could afford to keeE
the dog that was always with him
@That dog" he said, mot only boards
himself but finds me."-Boston Post.
Girls should look into the character
of their sweethearts. Many little traits
will often make it pain. If he enco.
nomically puts out the light In the
parlor when visiting her that's the
sign he's going to be close.-Phitodek
pltiG Times.
Mrs. Van Leever-"Didn't you once
say that it was cheaper to move thar
to pay rentP" Van Leever obviously
Yes; but was younger then. Now
I'm convinced that it's cheapest of al
to burn out and get your insurance.
-Brooklys Life.
Lady (to gentleman who has jusi
fallen downstairs GOOD heavens
how it frightened me! I thought il
was my husband who fell down.
Gentleman-"I wish to goodness it haG
been. 1 am as much disappointed al
you are. ."-Teras SJttasgs.
Tapper-"So you don't altogethel
like the new pastors sermons, eh?'
Dapper-@No, they are too profound
they necessiate too much headwork.
Tapper-"Quite true noticed yor
were nodding through the entire dis
course yesterday. boston Courier.
There goes little Mr.. Sissy" sh,
said as they strolled down Charlie!
street. "1sn't he effeminate in hi!
dressP" "Do you think SOP" replied
her friend. "Yes, indeed Why, h,
wears suspenders, high colors, ant
sashes just like real womanP"-Balti
more NeaOs.
aYour cor, y1eo6 - ho uuite fa mon,