The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-05-06
CALEDONY IN TROUBLE.
She VIII Indict Man for Attempted
BIgamy-AnOther Mash in Prospect.

She VIII Indict Man for Attempted
BIgamy-AnOther Mash in Prospect.
Mr.. EDIToR-I am in trouble, and
having no one else to insult, L comes TO
you. | would AK Buddy what ! want to
kuO, but he wOuld be Sarten to say: 81
told you sO," and Tale out on me Tor an
swering that letter Whitcum Snodgrass
writ. ] could also insult lawyer, but
it will he cheaper To cum to you, rs
! they charge So mOnstrOus much for
every little thing they do that poor
folks have no more showing ethan
RABBIT" and L expect kno jest as much
about law any way, fur when you go TO
! them they alters have to refer 10 Black
stone or some other cOlOred stone be-
fore they kin answer your question.
But 1 WAS er saying, am in
trouble, and all on account of that
| trifiing MIR. SnOdgraSS. Arter L writ TO
| him l could hardly wait fur the
| HERALD To cum out, thinking every
day he would surely answer my letter
| that wuS full of encouragement fIom
| begiunin' to eud-and when he failed
| to do so 1 was determined to find out
| something on my own hook. So march
| ing myself over on College Hill IN
suited the efficiOuS policeman, w. a.
XOsS. And he told me to rest easy, that
he would soon hav him uuearthed, and
sure enuf he did, but imagine my horror
| when he told that hit wus'ent ky, but
| a B-e-S- key u-a-r-I-le-u man with a
house full OF children,
Now, Mr.. Editor, what | wants to
! knO is this: Couldn't / have him ar
| rested on a writ of haDus corbus, and
then indict him before the grand jury
| fur cuurtin' with enLent To bigamy?
The very idee OF him maxim love to
me when he had poor wIIo at home!
| He must hav amBgined he WIS er nv
ing in the days Of Brigham Young; but
| III shOW him that he is 1ooIIng Win
han hH4I
| Letherhoad.
aIn ike the folks what have been
rIteing fur your paper believe in eX-
posing crime. Thariore l warn every
body against Whltcum SnOdSrass ana
his coon dog.
l seed one day last week whar Grip
pling Waves wus er looking forward
to an account of mine and Iky's wedin'.
Alas, Rippling Waves! twiXt you and
me, don't mind saying that men "are
decieVers ever" and as ky is such
slippery fellow, ! have made up my
mind to let him slide, and set my cap
fur Mr.. Robert Akin, of Hampshire, as
/ seed in The HERALD not long ago Whhr
he had lost his "beSt girl" and
L am going to apply secretly tur
the vacantcy. Ii fali to be
elected, 1 shall try no more, but settle"
down gracefully into the HERALD's
household or into "Oid maidenhoOd,"
setting a severe example of propriety to
the young ghls OF the rising genera
tiOuS.
Fur had ruther be an "old maid"
| any day in the week, than tied to
| man tuat wus forever and eternally
Citing tight. L seed ky drunk once
| and that done me. You remember the
| time Cleveland and his wife wus in
| Nashville? We'll Buddy had jest mar
ried and he told his wife, which wus
Lie Cosgins, that as Lhey had 10
! bridal tour that he would take her to
| Nashville and see if he could'ent buy
one from the President. Arter ky
| found out they wuS or going he put
| right strate arter me To go too, and sed
| If would il shOuld'ent cost me red
| cent.
| iOwd that he would bet his chances on
| seeing Grover and his wife that ky
Peabody would be as tight as "Dicks
| hat baud" before we got back home.
Sure enuf he WINS rite one time, as the
| sequal will show.
| AFTER we derived In Nashville Buddy
| sed, he would show Lie the Capitol,
| being as she had never seed hit, and
| taking her by the hand they sailed OF
! leaving me and ky to "rute hog or
die" ky sed / needen be afraid, that
he knOwd Nashville good AS he
| knOwd his "blue back speller." so
| taking me by the arm, TO keep me from
| Citing lost in the crowd, we went TO the
market house, whar we found a great
long bench on which ky told me to set
till he could go and git me some re-
| freShments.
| / knuwd all the time that wus only
| an excuse, fur he was'ent hungry; be
| sides, Lie and me knowing how high
| prov isiOn would De had made Buddy
| carry "A big shoe box full OF yitualS. anu
for fear l might git hungry l had TOOK
| a great big batter-cake out OF the ooX
and wrapped it up and put 1t in Iky's
! pocket, whar | could have hit handy;
fur my teeth being bad can't eat any
thing that IS anyways hard.
BY and by ky come back with
20 tan DrIT1 K
| two glasses of ci er, setting down
along side of me he told me to wade in
| and help myself, that whenever he took
| girl anywhars he always treated her
| to the best the town afforded. How
| ever / did'ent hav the bart TO eat much,
fur when he sot down smelt whiskey
and knowd the jig wus up, and every
body else knowed 1T in a short ume,
fnr he commenced er feeling the effects,
| at the same time began hollowerlnG
| HurahI fur Cleveland! Finally he
graded me by the hand and lowd, fur
me to come on, he was cr going to take
me To the Maxwell House and call on
the President and his wife. That we
were Jest as good as any all-ilred half
. StrainerS who wuS cr setting themSGltS
ND to be the salt of the arth.
| ! tried TO reason with him, but being
full of whisky he had no room fur rCa-
son in him; but stood and arEied like a
idiot, and fearing the policeman would
get him and slap him III the calabopSr, 1
down Cherry street " no should we meet
but the President and his wife. riding
| along in some kind of Il neW-taShioned
carrYaIl with q whole string of people
behind them.
| IlIy still holding of me by the hand,
made "A lunge for the carryall and get
ting IN front of the horses, he told them
| To wait minute he had II lady to
| introduce to them. About that time
some smart elk knocked him to one
side, and they rid on. ky hollow
ing every breath fur them to wait n
| a mint; finding they paid no attention
| to him, he run his hand in his pocket and
, pulled out that thar baUtcr-cake and
throWed il at them, and laws mercy it
landed spang in Mrs. CleVerland's lap.
| | wus perfectly dum-fOundcd, but,
| thank goodness, they never did find out
who done hit, and never Will tell. /
lest knO hit ruint her dress, fur hit was
as greezy as lard could make 1t. l was
awful sorry, fur ! know how much
trouble she had in getting the dress to
fit, fur they alters have to go back to the
dressmaker half dozen times fur them
to take out maginary wrinkles and then
| fuss, er saying, "they can never git thar
| dresses on time"
At castor il is something wonderful to
be at the dreSs-makers and see how
| wild the people git over dress. One
would think thar wus going to be n
. | dress perade, fur every body and his
yallep dog must hav new dress fur
But I hav soIter got OF of the track of
my story, but kin wind 1t up Ia a few
words. Arter ky throw ed the batter
cake, Buddy appeared ON the sene and