The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-02-12
IfIMere a Young Man.

If were a young man L would GER
tainIy not stand on the street corners,
and other public places, caressIng my
so called mustache and grlnnlng at
every girl that passed, while l Valni y
imagined she was almost "paralyZed"
with my "heavenly smile" No, IN
deed! L would not do that; but II had
a place of business L would go to 1t, and
there stav until I learned that street
corners were not the places to show OH
nv superior charms. And If had no
place of that kind to go to, would go
home, and into my mothers backyard
and split wood until common sense
asserted itself.
would also, being "yOung lord OF
creation," not stay in bed until O'Clock
in the morning and let mother get up,
build fires, bring water, and DO various
other things, which could eaSily tahs
off of her already over-Durdened
shoulders. No, would not DO that'
Nor would ! get up and growl because
nv coffee was cold and perhaps the
steak over-done from being Ill the stove
so long. ,,,a do
I'd get up and turn the house 'topsy
LurVv," in making my toilet; stahu De,
| fore the glass and practice my streeI
| .GsmiIer until 1 knew it was 'slmpIy
| killing" then I'd go strutting down the
side-walk making "smOke stack" OF
my nose, and whirling my cane IN my
riSht hand, while out of the corner OF
nv left eve | would be peepinS TO see
Mif ANYBODY was looking"
| Again, if l were a young man,
would not go in a crowd of my assOci-
| ates and make remarks ABOUT every
girl of my acquaintance; remarks 100
| that would perhaps cause them 70 Zee
Inundated beyond expression II t Ne,
would | show their letters and think II
manly, or that the rest of the boys were
diving of envy, because the dear silly
| girl had written how much She loHeo
ma Mol No! | would i'll justice to hel
beiieVe that had she known TO what
| seIf-conceited flop she was writing, she
never would have been guilty OF eX
pressing herself so freely on paper.
| fl was young man, and engaged U
| he married to some nice young lady,
would treat her with the homer and re
snect due nv future wife; and under n
cnnsideratiOn would l neglect her 10
some one else, or think that because
had already gained her affections, an
had them sealed by a promise, Woui
| he at liberty to drop all those it'll
delicate attentions so dear TO the Tenn
nine heart. Nor would l when calm
ON her in the evening plead that ma
been losing sleep for several nights l
order to get off early, while L Went I
some place of amusement and ther
staid until the small hours of the morn
ing and had a "big time" In carryln
another girl home; congratulatlng my
self at the same time on What sLlaI
fellow l was, and how easily l coul
deceive and i'hoodwiDk" the girls.
, II were young man, as last r.
! sort, I'd marry. on, yes! Ia MARI
sooner or later, and at the very begin
: ming / would try and impress on m
wife what a wonderful and f0rtuna'
thing she did when she m-a-r-r-i-e-
me. Being the lord of her destiny an
the source of all her happiness, 1t woul
be nothing more than right Tor her
spend ali the remainder of her life
endeavoring to express her gratituc
bv administering to my comforts. An
when deigned to spend my eVenln
at home | would certainly expect her
! ina cheerful and smile her sweetes
Never mind whether she had anythiI
, to smile at or not, smile she must! FL
w-O-u-l-d-e-n-t be her hui
} b-a-n-d? and w-O-u-l-d-e-n-t she d.
m-a-r-r-i-e-u? a COLUMBIA GlRL'