The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1892-08-05
SOME FOOLS
Tho Rev. Pink PUNK Discourses on tho
Weakness of Humanity.


Brother Pink PUNK has gone in for
the popular "sermonette" or prelude"
idea. Before delivering his usual OK.
hortation to sinners last Sunday morn.
ing he gave his congregation the benefit
of his observations and cogitations con-
corning fools. This is what he said
Do longer lib, deah breddern, de
more wonder at de number OBJ fools
i.cre are in de world, an de astonishin
part OBJ it is dat de world gifts along so
we'll considerin de number OBJ fools dat
inhabit it.
Some people are born fools, some git
foolish after they've been on earth n
while, an some wait until they're old
enough to know better, an when sensl
BILE people see dem dey laff inside and
remahk to one anudder, 'Dere amt no
fool like an ole fool, an tho ole fool laffs
too and thinks he's tho wisest pusson i'm
the hull universe.
almost eberybody is fool on some
particular subjeck, deah breddern. A
man may be puffeckly sane on ebry
ting but his one hobby, an he's jist as
foolish in regard to dat as de mos VIC
lent maniac in Bloomingdale or Black
wells island is in regahd to eberyting nm
gen'ral.
HDey is de reckless fool, deah bred
dern. He's de man dat didn't know 1t
was loaded until it went off suddenly
an landed somebody else in kingdom
come. He's de fool dat jumps of high
bridges on bet an usually comes to &c.
surface OBJ do ribber in condishuu
witch GIBBS de coroner chance to make
good fat fee an allows de local papers
to print sensashunal headlines. He's ,le
iunatic dat jumps from IL balloon INTO a
parachute an subsequently forms an III
terestin puzzle for de doctors to pntrn
toSeddcr so dat his corpse kin be iden
titled an shipped home to his friends
He's de ijit dat steps out OBJ de way Oh IL
railroad train an gifts hit by de ightnin
express comm down de udder track
He's de fool dat blows out de gas
on de occasion OBJ his first ian last,
visit to de city. He's de jackass dat
drinks poison for whisky by mistaken
de bottles in de dahk. He's de fool dat
monkeys wild dc buzz saw. Wen IT'S
goin full speed, dat NEEDLES wild live
electric wires, dat does t'ousan an one
things dat he wouldn't do eff he only
want fool.
"De man dat writes letters to de news
papers is still anudder variety. dear
breddern, an one of de kline dat's amus,u
as we'll as foolish. He takes up de
space in de paper dat dc hahd workln
space reporter has bin crowded out Oh
an ginrally succeeds in shown in his
long, tejus letter how much he don't
know about things in ginral, an, de sub
jock he's writin about in particular; he's
wuss nuisance dan de spring poet. be
cuz he prevails de hull year roun. vile
de poet only blooms in de spring.
"For fear de women folks may feel
sighted I'll conclude by enumeratin n
few OBJ de most noticeable fools of de
(sometimes) gentler sex.
''Do auction fool-do woman dat buys
secondhand things at auctions dat ohe
could buy new for half dc money
'De bargain huntin fool dat spen's a
hull day an dollar an a half for car
fare n lunch tryin to buy somet'n for
tfty-nine cents dat she cud have bought
for sixty half q block from her own
door.
"De giddy fool-de forty -five-year-old
woman, wild crows feet and wrinkles
dat thinks she's just as young as she was
twenty-five years ago.
ode pretty fool-de young woman
dats nebber happy unless some one is
tellin her she looks simply angelic or
out OBJ sight, and dat only has brains
enuff to keep her hair in curl an her
smile fixed so dat her dimples'n show
to de best advantage
"De-but why perceed wild de endless
list, dear breddern? You all know de
different ones as well as l do. an per-
haps good deal better, for dat matter
Shakespeare said good many wise
tings, deah breddern. but he never con.
centrated so much wisdom in q few
words as Wen he said, 'Wot fools desc
mortals be. New York Herald.