The record-union., 1892-10-14
BUTCH" BOSSED THE JOB,
And Made a Botch of Highlander Fong
All Tane's Funeral.
The Hearse Wanders or witt, the
Body and Leaves the Musicians
and Mourners Behind.

The distinguished but erratic high
binder, Fong All Tame, who shot the
diaphragm off one of his countrymen in
a riot recently, avoided being tried for
murder in the local courts by dying last
Tuesday.
Yesterday the remains OF the diagonal
eyed descendant of Confucius was buried
with considerable pomp and trouble.
The Bing Kong Tong society of gun
fighters essayed to inter All Tame with so
much more pomp and incense than was
expended by the other faction on All
Tane's victim, Lee Gong. as to humiliate
the rival society into base insignifcance
as funeral promoters.
The roast pigs and goats were prepared,
the punk and ManIla-rope cigars were
lighted up. the tom-toms and cymbals
tuned, and everything was supposed to
be fixed ready to be touched off at 2
o'clock
Butch, )" the squatty little heather who
distinguished himself as field marshal at
the obsequies of Lee Gong, was commits
stoned to officlate yesterday, and,
mounted on a steed of remarkakable
versatility, he was conspicuous but not
especially efficient in his duties.
For some reason the hearse containing
the body was the only vehicle TO get into
line at the appointed time. There was
some dispute about the capacity of the
hacks and carriages secured for the occa-
sion, and the cymbal-clashers and the
musicians who were to beat the tom-toms
contested as to their conVeyances and
places in the cortege, and All Butch had
so much trouble with his cigar and his
horse that there was more delay on hand
than anything else.
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the hearse and who had taken his posi-
ton two blocks in advance, somehow got
the idea that he was behind-hand, and
that the procession had left him in the
rear.
He therefore whipped up and drove his
end Of the funeral to the cemetery, about
a mile distant, while Butch, was still
striving nobIy with the main body, his
cigar, and his versatile charger, which
latter animal had made things interesting
for everyone he could reach.
About the time the hearse arrived at
the cemetery, Butch" who was still ar
ranging the host on Fourth street. dis
covered that the hearse had vanished
from its post, bearing. away the princi-
pal trophies of the occaSion-the relics of
Fong All Tame, the barbecued pigs and
goats and the confections.
A courier was Immediately dispatched
by the Grand Marshal, ordering the re-
cOuUGDLS,
forthwith.
OF course, when the drivers of the
hearse discovered that he was a mile in
advance of the process sion, and that he
couldn't make success sful and imposing
calvacade by himself, he returned to the
main body at gait more rapid than con-
ventional.
AS the sable conveyance ratified back
down the street, followed by the commits
Sary wagon with the unctuouS roastS and
good things of the funeral feast it seemed
pity that Fong All Tame was not awak-
ened to life so as TO enjoy the ride. and
hold on TO the hearse, but he never re-
covered nor caught his breath.
The hearse soon drove up at the head OF
the procession, which was now formed
and after All Butch had expressed him
self in tuneful hieroglyphics, the signal
was given, the cymbais clashed, cigars
were relighted, the tom-toms played a
chaotic air, and the whole works began
to move-mostly forward.
All Butch's steed thought it was the
Fourth of July. He acted more patriotic
than sedate. and wanted to kick the mu-
sicianS out of the hacks, while be insisted
on marching up-street in reversed atti-
tude, but the procession moved lust the
same.
After several blocks lad been achieved
All Butch got his horse to go forward
head-end first, and he issued his orders
with greater assurance and a little effect.
Even his cigar began to emit smoke from
Its proper extremity, and as the fumes OF
the burning fusee greeted his senses he
was himself again.
The musicians settled back to industri-
Gus effort, and amid a miscellaneous as
sortment of sounds, of sights. and al
sentiments, the funeral-preceded very
properly by the hearse-proceeded ioy-
fully on its way.