The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-02-15
"Give US the gag

Tive US the gag.
"The usual cue is that they suddenly find
that-'hum-are not-hum-feeling we'll,
and that they 'like-hum-a little qrinine
and brandy-hum-to ward of that feeling
of the-the grip By and by they conclude
that Just plain brandy would do. SO we
steady the old boys nerves. and he goes
away feeling very kindly toward US
"a man came in early yesterday morning
and called for cents worth Of sticking
plaster. He had an awful looking face on
him One OF his eyes was blacked. his hat
was caved in and his general air was that
of man who had staked all and lost in q
ree-for-sll-fght.
HE mildly told me that he thought 5
cents worth of plaster would do the job. He
said he was afraid his wife would scold, also
that she was a dreadful hand at scolding
anyway. Well, IL would have taken at
least dollars worth Of plaster to do a good
| job; but finally had him all fixed up. and
away he went to tell smooth story to his
better half
"Just the other morning." went on the
clerk, "a woman came shyly in and called
for box Of face powder. The bells of the
city were just ringing out the hour of 4. It
was a strange morning call, but knew bet
ter than to ask questions. She explained
that she was going on a visit to friends in
| the country, and that she wouldn't think of
appearing before them unless she was in
style.
"And then what do you suppose?
''She called for a hand-glass and asked il
objected to her making her toilet in the
back room. She said she had only ten min
utes to catch the early train. In two min
utes she appeared with nice clean surface
OF kalsomine all over her jaws.
"Only last night / was sitting here read
ing. It was along about O'Clock. The
streets were deserted. The town was asleep.
Suddenly, do not know how. | became
aware that some one was regarding me.
looked up. A woman stood before me. How
she came there | do not know. IL seemed
so weird and unnatural; and her FACET
was not a face of one who belongs to this
world-gaunt, haggard, infinitely pathetic,
vacant. as a mask OF death.
1T was a story Of just a word. You
know the tale. IL is heard in this big town
night by night. 1t is a story whose seal is
poison and whose burden is oblivion. / see
by the paper to-day that she was found in
river.
Toward morning" the clerk went on
after q time, business reaches its lowest
ebb. About 5 o'clock, however, in come
the FOUNDERS, men old and young, who
have been out all night feasting and revel-
ing and who shamble in. just about day
light, sorry looking specimens indeed.
Sometimes they come in pairs. and then it
is a case Of the blind leading the blind.
Many Of them are so fuddled that they do
not know what they want; all, however,
are profuse in their apologies. In each case
| it is bracer. You know what that is.
Some say they ARE Sorry others that it
was a sick friend;' others that they are
tired; others wonder what the firm will
| say or what Maria will say = while once in
while along comes a particularly booty
man. who with tears streaming down his
face will acknowledge that he is common
every day fool, and it will never happen
| again. no, never
And we straighten them all out, one
after another, and away they go, little
worn and battered, but still fighting LIES
troubles with weary heart, swearing of
for good--until next time.n