Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

"whst is it for, Colonel?"
ooh, it's just a trife. Toy to smuse the
children"
Washington examined it.
cit seems to be q puzzle"
"Ees, that's what it is I call it Pigs in
the Clover Put them in-see if you can
put them in the pen.
After many failures Washington sue
ceeded, and WAS as pleased as child.
ITS wonderfullv ingenious, Colonel; it's
ever so clever. And interesting-why,
could play with it all day. What are you
going to Go with it?''
"Oh, nothing. Patent it and throw 1t
aside
Don't you do anything of the kind.
There's money in that thing"
4 compassionate look travelled over the
Colopel's countenance, and he said:
'Aoney-yes; pin money; couple of
hundred thousand. perhaps. Not more"
WashiE~ton'S ewes blazed.
"a couple of hundred thousand dollars?
DO yoa cali that pin monev?"
The Colonel rose and tip-toed his way
across the room, closed a door that was
slightly aiar, tip-toed his way to his seat
Sgsin and said, under his breath
''you can keep a secret?''
Washington nodded his affirmative, he
WIS too awed to speak.
''You have heard of materialization-
naturalization Of departed spirits?"
Washington had heard of it.
"And probably didn't believe in it; and
quite right, too. The thing as practiced by
ignorant eharlatans is unworthy of atten-
tion or respect-where there's dim light
and dark cabinet, and parcel of senti
mental gulls gathered together, with their
faith and their shudders aud their tears all
rcadv, and enc and the same fatty degenera-
ton OF protoplasm and humbug comes out
and materializes himself into anybody YOU
want, grandmother, grandchild, brother
in-iaw, Witch of Erdor, John Milton,
Siamese twins, Peter the Great and all such
frantic nonscnSe-no, that is all foolish and
pitiful. But when man that is competent
brings the vast powers of science to bear,
its a different matter, totally different
matter. you see. The specter that answers
that call has come to stay. Do you note the
commercial value of that detail?'
When, I-the-the truth is, that don't
quite know that l do. Do you mean that
such. being permanent, not transitory,
would give more general satisfaction, and
20 enhance the price of tickets to the
show"
SHOW? Pollv-listen to me: and get a
good grip on your breath, for Won are going
10 need it. Within three davs shall have
world stand aghast, for it shall see marveis.
Washington, within three days-ten at the
outsiGe-vou shall see me call the dead of
any century, and they will arise and walk?
they shall walk forever, and never die
again. Walk, with all the muscle and
spring Of their pristine vigor."
Colonel Indeed it does take ones
breath away"
''Now do you see the money that's in it?''
'I,m-well, Im-not really sure that
de-
Great Scott, look here I shall have a
monopoly; they'll all belong to me, won't
trev? Two thousand policemen in the city
O. New York. Wages. 81 a day. I'll re-
place them with dead ones at half the
money"
"Oh. prodigious! L never thought of
that. Four thousand dollars day. Now
] do begin to see! But will dead policemen
Gnswer?''
Haven't tl,ey-up to this time?"
''N ell, If you put 1t that way"
Put il in any way you want to. Modify
f. 10 suit yourself, and my lads shall still
be superior. They won't eat, they won't
Gr;nk-don't need those things; they won't
wink for cash at gambling dens and un-
licensed rum holes; they won't spark the
Eculierv maids, and moreover tire bands of
toughs that 2mbEscade them on lonely beats
md cowardly shoot and knife them will
OILY damage the uniforms and not live lcng
enough TO get more than momentary salts
iact5on out o. that.
why, Colonel, if you can furnish police
u7cH. then Of COURSE
"Certainly-I can furnish any line of
ccods that's wanted. Take the army. for
inssance-now $4,000 men; expense, S22,-
600, 600 year. I will dig up the Romans,
! viii resurrect the Greeks, 1 will furnish
she Government, ior $4,000 900 wear. 10,-
0OO veterans drawn from the victorious
leeions OF all the ages-soldiers that will
chase Indians year in and year out on ma
terialized horses, and cost never a cent for
ra,ioHs OF repairs. The armies of Europe
cost s., COO, G00, 900 a year now-I will re-
place them ali for 81 coo, 900. 600. will dig
uD the trained statesmen of all ages and all
clrey, and furnish this country with
Congress that knows enough to come in out
Cf The rain-a thing that's never happened
Yet since the Declaration of Independence,
aud never viii happen till these practically
DECD people are replaced with the genuine
Br,5cle. : Will resIock the thrones OF Eu-
rope with The best brains and the best
morals that ali the roval seDulchers of all
tne centuries can furnisi-which isn't prom
ising very much-and I'll divide the wages
nud he civil list, fair and square, merely
taxing my half, and
Colonel, if the half of this is true,
there's millions in it-nilliOns
"BiLions III it, billions; that's what YOU
rrean. WHY, look here; the thing is SO
close at hand. so imminent, SO absolutely
Immediate, that if man were to come to
Tae now and say, Colonel, I'm little short.
end i vou could lend he couple of billion
collars tor-C0me inn"
This in answer to knock. An ener-
reJic-looking man hustled in with a big
pocleIbook in his hand, took paper from
il and presented it, with the curt remark:
Seventeenth and last call; you want to
out with that s. 40 this time without tail,
Colonel Mulberry Sellers
The Colonel began to slap this pocket and
that one, and feel here and there and every
where, muttering:
''What have / done with that wallet?-
let me- see-um-not here, not there-oh, 1
must have left it in the kitchen; I'll Just run
snC--"
NO you won't-you'1l stay right where
yoa are. And you're going to disgorge, too,
this time"
Washington innocently offered to go and
look. When he was gone the Colonel said:
'The fact Is, I've got to throw myself on
your indulgence Just this once more, Suggs;
you see, the remittances 1 was expect
ing"
Hang the remittances-it's too stale-it
won't answer Comet"
The Colonel glanced about him in despair
Then his face lighted; he ran to the wall
and began 70 dust of a peculiarly atrocious
chrome with lis handkerchief. Then he
brought IL reverently, offered it to the col
lector, ayerted his face and said: