Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-08-31
Christian Science.


executive committee. The style of
our firm was Maria and Hiram,
with the accent on Maria. You
can get very distinct idea of the
amount of influence welded by the
individual members of the firm if
you will just shout Maria and
whisper Hiram
IL mention these little matters
because they explain why fell
such an easy prey when Maria an
nounced, just week ago to-day,
that she had been attending lectures
on Christian science, and had be-
come a convert to that belief. Of
course, as | believed in Maria, l
became convert, too. confess
that | should have known better.
Having been brought up by religious
parents, and receiving an orthodox
education, ! ought to have remem-
bered Adam, and the disastrous con-
sequences of his yielding to his
wife in a question relating to fruit
diet. But | didn't. | admit that
the prospects were pleasing, as Maria
explained it. No more of my hard
earnings to go for patent medicine,
or to pay doctors bills. No more
little bottles or boxes, containing
the numberless remedies for num-
berless complaints, to litter the
mantel-p piece, or flood the wash
stand.
SIN exchange for all these we
were to have one remedy for all
complaints, so simple-just faith
kept on tap, as it were, and drawn
off as required. Being in robust
condition of health, all went well
for several days. But yesterday
the etrouble began. Just after break
fast Maria asked me to drive some
nails to hang her clothesline on. |
pleaded hurry and engagement
She said something about being
able to drive nail better than |
could anyway, and started for the
yard with the hammer and nails.
Now, if you have ever seen a
woman drive nail, you must have
noticed that she begins by giving it
two or three playful little taps
with the hammer, just to assure
herself that the nail is there. Then
she brings the hammer down. with
one fell stroke, which, if it hits the
nail, is calculated to drive it out of
sight in the twinkling of an eye.
"While putting on my overcoat
| heard the preliminary taps, as
Maria started to drive a nail, and
then a heavy, dull thud, which
sounded as if the hammer had not
hit the nail; and as heard Maria
shrek, | knew it had not. When
reached the yard she was running
around in an aimless sort of way,
with the hammer in one hand, and
the thumb of the other hand in her
mouth.
III saw that it was critical time
for the new panace, and summoned
all my fortitude. am noted for
my nerve, and as it was Maria's
thumb, l was, if possible, cooler
than usual. | said, Maria, be calm,
remember She took the thumb
out of her mouth long enough to
shout, Hiram, shut up, and go for
the doctor! Believing this to be
the crucial moment, replied, in
solemn tones, Maria, now is the
time to exercise your was going
to say faith, but Maria is so hasty
she anticipated me by exercising
her arm, and | lodged the hammer
as / went out through the door, and
ran down the street in search of the
doctor.
"As | passed Neighbor Tomp-
kin's house, his bulldog got excited
and climbed over the fence, prob
ably with the intention of helping
me find the doctor, or he might
have thought | would go faster
with running mate. However, he
soon got jealous at the speed | was
making, took hold Of my left
leg, and as did not stop he got a
sample of it. This seemed to en-
courage him, as he came back for
more. In trying to avoid him by
backing away, | was knocked down
by passing street-car, and the dog
had it all his own way for while.
When Tompkins had taken him off,
some kind friends picked up my re-
mains and carried me home.
AFTER our old family physician
had coaxed Maria's thumb back in
some resemblance of its original
shape-cauterized the dog bites,
and bound up the wounds ! had
received in my encounter with the
car-Maria and l went into execu-
tive session. with closed doors II