The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-09-28
HUMOR OF TIE DAY.

Sailors prefer lark ON land to night
in gale on the sea.--The Jester.
The calendar is very good reminder
that our days are numbered. Puck.
When the public has faith in a writer's
name, it is faith which must be backed
up by good works.-Puck.
Extreme of heat and cold produce like
effects. When man is "frozen out"
he is apt to get red hot.-Life.
"Well, I've sworn off my worst habit,
William" "Which one2" responded
William.-Chicago News Record.
Why are girls so afraid
Wnen the lightnings are active?
IT'S because each dear maid
Is aware she's attractive.
He-"No one can underslaed what
the wild waves are saying'" She-"Of
course not. The ocean is so very Deep"
New York Herald.
A West Philadelphia man wants to
sell his parrot, which he advertises as
being equitable for deaf family
Philadelphia Record.
The coffee palaces of Melbourne, says
an exchange, are the finest in the world.
The grounds are probably likewise very
fine.-Rochester Post.
Our English language is full of eccen-
tricities. We wind up a watch to set it
going. But we wind up business con-
Germ to stop it.-Lowell Courier.
Brazenly she begs for kisses,
Boldly makes arch eyes at me;
Such shameless mink as this is
My daughter, @tat three.
Chicago News Record.
From time immemorial men have been
held up for examples, and now aud then
they've been held up for what they
had about their clothes. -Binghamton
Leader.
The fellow that's up with the times,
And sees with glass all things,
Gets awfully left in the lurch
by the circus that has three rings.
Chicago lnter-Ocean.
Twynn-"They say that Dingler
hadn't friend in the world" Triplett
-"No wonder. He went about reciting
elocutionary selections at parlor enter
tanments detroit Free Press.
81 ought to study photography"
mused the seaside young man who had
proposed again. al really ought. can
develop more negatives in given time
than anybody know of."-Washington
Star.
Hostess-"I've got such cold to day.
1 feel quite stupid" Prize Idiot (call-
might've got bad cold, too; but 1
don't feel particularly stupid" Hostess
-"Ah, see you're not quite YOURSELF"
London Punch.
81 will improve my mind" said hei
III can, though l don't look it,"
And she responded merrily,
First catch your hare; then cook it," !
Washington Star.
"Dear Father: We are we'll and
happy. The baby has grown ever so
much and has great deal more sense
than he used to have. Hoping the
same of you, l remain your daughter,
Molly. y."-Texas Siftings.
Twillinger-'T hear that Tompkins
drank up all his diamonds in the last
month" Wife-'I know then that
they are not of first water or he would
never have tasted them, the horrid old
sot. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
The King of the Cannibals nothing could
save
He passed from earthly labors;
And kind missionaries wrote over his grave
"a man who loved his neighbors.n
Life.
The Mistress-"You really don't want
he Collect" The Tramp-"Pardon me,
madam; but detect the presence of two
jumps of sugar. My invariable habit Is
o take one lump only. l may be ragged,
)ut possess the true instincts OF tho
picure. Pittsburgh Bulletin.
A Waldo County clam. digger, Of con
iderable creative faculty, wanted to say
real bad of neighbor and
himself of this: "rhe critic.
int got any brains; the inside of his
Iead amt even lathed, let alone being
'lastered. - Lewiston (AIe.) journal.
"Tell your worthy mother that am
oming TO see her soon, said lady on
austin avenue to Mrs. Sniverlys little
10Y, who was playing in front of the
ate. 81 am glad you are coming, and
IA will be glad to see you, too" "How
% you know she will be glad to see met"
sked Mrs. Sniverly. "Because l heard
er say yesterday she would be glad 70
ee somebody who didn't come here to
olleet a bill. "-Texas siftings.