Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1892-05-11
A Lightning Jerker.

L nave very GEAR Irlenu ucai
mean expensive-in Detroit whom love,
but who some day shall kill, taking ad-
vantage of the fact that the kind hearted
State of Michigan does not hang man
for murder Even hanging would be
mild and simple process compared with
the tortures my friend inaicts, for he Is
dentist
Dentists are like death and taxes. We
hate to meet them, but we have to. Pro-
crastination is the thief of time, but 1t
makes the fortune of the dentist. Every
body postpones his visit to the dentists
to the last possible moment, but the den
tist smiles and knows he can wait, for Il
50 cent job on tooth speedily develops
itself into a SO seance Waiting means
wealth in the pocket of the dentist and
agony in the mouth of the patient.
One of the things that endears my den
tist to me, but which will ultimately lead
to his sudden taking off, is habit he
has of running what appears to be red
hot wire up tooth cavity, and then ask
ing me blandly if it hurts. | take this
occasion to let him know for all time
that it does am willing to make my
affidavit on that, and have often in his
presence swore to the accuracy of my
statement Although he is deacon in
the church he says that for 10 feet
around his dental chair he allows the
victim to use any language that seems to
fit the occasion, and that, when you
come to think of it, is very thoughtful of
him.
Ny dentist is exceedingly fond of elec-
trical devices, and always has some new
kink in that line for taking an unsuspect-
ing nerve by surprise. All around the
chair of torture there buzz various kinds
: of electric whirligigs that make so many
thousand revolutions a second. These in.
ventions of the evil one scallop out hol-
low tooth or twist up n nerve or shatter
, some part of a mans dental anatomy
with n suddenness that leaves him no
time to protest.
l had brought with me a tooth that
was of no farther use to the owner, aud |
wanted it ou.
"What new electrical Internal machine
have you put in since / was here before 2"
= | asked.
, "St down and see" he said. He
touched the tooth bit and then remark
ed at will have to come out"
81 know that. suppose | shall have
, to take the gas, but l don't like it,"
81 can give you electricity instead
4 That won't hurt you"
"The electricity or the pulling"
1 Neither"
c "Will | become insensble ?"
"Not in the least"
. "And you say it won't hurt?'
] at won't"
al don't believe it,"
: The dentist laughed.
"Let us see how much electricity you
: can stand" he said.
The ends of the chair arms were oI
) polished silver, and these he told me tC
grip firmly.
"Now," said I, getting just tria'
i. frightened, "no Kemmler business, you
know. Turn this on easy"
He did so, and the sensation as thu
!, fluid gradually got in its work was no
d unpleasant.
= That's all right" he said at last, "yor
{ stand it first rate. Now will you have
the tooth out?'
. He first put the rubber tube on eacl
!. of the handles of the forceps-the uglies
n instrument on earth. Then he connected
A a wire with the steel handles.
t. I'm ready if you are he said.
: ooh don't be in such a duece Of hur
ry. I've lots of time even if you haven't
Now l want to understand the principle
= of this thing. DO | get shock in th'
head?"
: "Not in the slightest"
mo stunning effect or anything of thai
0 sort p
Certainly not"
"Then how is it, if | am not insensiblt
{ that l won't feel the pain"
Because when | put this instrument
on the tooth the current deadens tht
r nerve for about seven seconds. In thai
# time the tooth is out. Will you try it 2
n 81 will. But if your theory slips coz
: prepare to die"
II 1t didn't hurt the slightest, and 50 the
dentist still lives.
Lushington-My life has been full ol
r mistakes. made bad one on the first
4 -.