The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1892-05-28
THE RELATIONSHIP pUzzLE.
The Garewsome Gift II . Tramp to On
Arkansas Town.

gave q AuSt SuLp huU SSlUs
II cannot repay you in scudi for your
kindness, madame. But here is little
puzzle which may serve to while away an
idle hour. My father, left widower at
the age Of forty seven, married a maiden Of
seventeen, and upon the following day my
brother, Lyman, welded her mother, then
widow of thirty-six. In due time son
was born to each couple 1t may afford
you some little amusement in estimating
the various relationships my father now
bears to Lyman, to Lyman's wife and Ly-
mans child; also to himself and his own
wife and child. You might also calculate
the relationship Lyman bears to his own
wife and child and to his father and the
latter's wife and child. But must be on
my way. Good evening"" And he was
gone.
When Isham G. Hicks, the husband of
the benevolent lady, returned home some
what later he found the wife of his bosom
suffering from a violent headache, the re-
suit of an hours graphing with the puz-
zle She repeated it to him and retired
much earlier than was her wont. And
Isham G. laughed aloud and declared that
q woman had no head anyhow, and sat him
down to work out the puzzle in fourteen
minutes.
When Mrs. Hicks awoke in the gray Of
the morning her husband was not by her
side. AS she stepped quietly to the sitting
room door she heard him say in dreary
monotone:
"Lyman's-baby-is-the- half brother-of- his
fathers stepmother -who-is- also-his- faith
observation-disclosures Northumberland
ter-and-oh -dear-me- how my-head-aches"
The leaves of a huge scratch tablet lay
about him like drift Of snow all covered
with figures and diagrams, and before
him was a sheet setting forth fourteen
propositions Of which the following is a
fair sample:
1.-The older man is the father-in-law of
his mother-in-law and the husband of his
grandson's half sister, who is also the
child's step-grandmother."
Wisps of auburn hair lay about on the
table
Hicks remained in bed all that forenoon
with ice on his brow and muttered drearily
sentences like these:
His wife is his baby's half brothers.
half nephew's mothers son-in-law-no,
that isn't it. His sons wife is his own
mother-in-law and mother of his grand
sons half sister-uml um! His mother-in-
law is-Oh, dear mel"
In the afternoon he went down to the
lumber yard and told the puzzle to the
men there assembled, and they all laughed
him to scorn and then figured on the
smooth side of thirty-six square feet of
lumber and had three fights without get
ting as far as Hicks had gone in the still
watches of the night. A husbandman who
drifted in to trade horses became involved
and beat his steed all the way home.
The puzzle permeated every nook and
corner of the village. Two popular men,
bers of the Y M. C. A. slapped each
others faces over it. Colonel Hooks pulled
the nose of a tourist to whom he was try
ing to sell land, and all the boys in town
fought over it.
One John p. Smith attacked the wife of
his bosom with ferocity and a scythe and
knocked her into the we'll, where she
speedily drowned. A mob chased Mr. Smith
thirteen geographic miles and gave him five
minutes in which to show cause why he
should not be lynched, whereupon he de-
claEed that the demise of Mrs. Smith was
attributable to Livine providence and
stone over which she had stumbled, the
same throwing her into the we'll. His sole
intention had been to bestow upon her q
we'll merited castigation for introducing
the relationship puzzle into the household,
thereby assassinating the peace and har-
mony of the same.
This announcement resulted in a pro-
longed and earnest debate upon the part
of the string band, which continued until
the sheriff and posse rescued Mr.. Smith
and bore him to town. Court was in ses-
sion at the time and the case came up for
trial on the morrow. 1t was dark when
the jury was sent out. They canvassed
the case thoroughly. Hicks, who was
among them, detailed the puzzle and ex-
hibited his tally sheet.
At 4 o'clock in the morning the door was
burst open and the jury fell down the
stairs fighting like demons The stove had
been overset and the building was soon in
flames. The hook and ladder company
swirled up and ran over three gentlemen,
two of whom Immediately assaulted two
firemen, whereupon the whole body of the
latter attacked the entire jury impartially.
The alarm Of fire aroused the village and
the majority of the citizens appeared on
the scene. Judge Begad denounced the
firemen for rioting in the face of the de-
stroyer and was attacked by the foreman
Of the company. Several citizens went to
the assistance of the judge. and three men
WAOIA AAO AASA AAC0 JOMPCA Al w uCAR CAC
foreman.
And thus the fight waxed. The fire was
forgotten. The rival editors wrangled and
then fought, and their printers took sides.
The members of the various lodges could
not stand by and see their brethren mauled,
and they. too, rushed into the fray. The
Rev. Mr.. Marks mounted hitchrack and
cried peace, and a man whom he had mar
ried to harridan a week before smote him
with an ak helve, and Deacon Cronk ran to
the minister's assistance. In three minutes
nearly every churchman in town was I'm
the fracas The rival undertakes fought.
Every man who had a grudge against any
other man tried to get satisfaction then
and there, and all the debtors attacked
their creditors.
A gale had sprung up, and before the fire
had been got under control the major por-
ton Of the business part Of the village was
in ashes This threw many men out OF
employment and they moved away soon
after. Others, seeing that there would be
no boom for many moons, departed. Sew
eral capitalists who had been about to