The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-08-03
WIT AND HUM0R.

"COme in and have nip.
K don't forgettold friends like that
" ~ = - IN. Y Herald.
The Roman augur, in his day, was
probably the biggest bore in the world.
-Rcayat,ae.
Binks-"I got sure tip on the race
yesterday" Minks-"Thata SOP How
much did you loseP"-M Y Weekly.
It's usually hard for a man who
stretches the truth to get out of the
way of the recoiL Washington Star.
1t is the man who has to live on corn
bread at home who finds the most fault
with the pie when he travels.-Rana's
Horn.
There are people who would rather
pay their own way to the pit than
to go to heaven for nothing
Horn.
Every man who has money is
abused for not buying the things 9TH
er people want to get rid of.-Atchsso's
Globe.
Guest-"I say, landlord, your food
is worse than it was last year" Land
lord Impossible, sir!" = Flying
LeGUes.
1t is never too late to mend. This
is why the cobbler never has your
boots done at the time promised.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Soulful Youth Qanguidly)-"Do you
sing Forever and Forever'?" She
practically l stop for meals.
-Brooktyfa Life.
@Trust men, and they will be true to
you," says Emerson; but any ordinary
grocer could have given Emerson
points on that.-SomaerOil Journal.
No man has ever a correct idea of
the estimation in which he is held by
his fellow-creatures until he attempts
to borrow SO bilL-Ieras Slttt'egs.
A student of history has discovered
that Henry Wills trains of domestic
events were principally run on the
block system. Baltimore american.
Mr.. Phlatskul-@A man must have
brains to go crazy, don't you know,
Miss Sharp" Miss Sharp (briefy)-
aWhose, Mr.. Phlatskule" Detroit Free
Press.
Husband-"How do you like your
new grip" Wife-"Well, she works
me little harder than the last one,
but she is more respectful. N z
Weekly.
First '94 Man Gin logic class )-"Say,
what does I. 0. U. meanp" Second '94
Man (who has been there, with sigh)
at generally means nothing at all. !"
-Prsmcetoas Tiger.
Report comes from London of the
discovery of the thistle as an article Of
food for man as well as beast. The
thistle certainly has some very fine
points, Yosaters Statesman.
Rickets-@Hav you certificate of
any Gould stock in your safe9" Gas
ket-No; whyP" Rickets-"I was curl
Gus to know if it is printed on water
proof paper. ID Ptttsbatrg Chronicle.
Wears Wife-"Willie Smith, how is
it you do not take off your hat when
you meet meP" Willie-"Well mum,
if take off my hat to you, what am
to do when I meet t parsonP"-Jxdy.
@That baby knows he has sweet lit
tie hands," said Tom. "Why do you
think so, TomP" asked his mother.
"He is all the time sucking his fin
gers" returned Tom. Hdrper's BGzGr.
Mamma "When that boy threw
stones at you why didn't you come and
tell me instead of throwing them
backP" Little Son-"Tell you! Why,
YOU couldn't hit barn door. Good
Neaos.
Publisher-"I wish you would write
us good sea story" Great Author
"But have never been to sea-" Pub
lisher-"I know it. l want sea
story that people can understand. -
zEt-BGts.
Mrs. Con Fiding- -.These are my
new diamonds, Bridget. They are
blue and of the first water" Bridget
aunderry-"Shure, mum, who ever
heard of blue in the first waterP"-
Jes0eler's Weekly.
Tommy paw, what is political
economyP' Mr.. Fight is the cut
ting down of national expenses by a
member of Congress to make up fol-
his own special appropriations. "-In-
d6oaaapolis Journal.
Judge (to woman arrested for shop
lifting did you begin this
sort of thing?" Woman (weeping)-
Il began by picking my husbands
pockets at night when he was asleep.
Then the descent was easy."-N Y.
Press.
Newly Arrived Spirit-aWho was
that venerable-looking parsonage that
yawned so dismally while I was talk
ing about the tremendous rain they
are having on the earth?" Resident
Spirit = ''That was Noah. Christian
Friend.
Joblots-"Parson, I'd like your ser
mons all the better if you didn't have
SO much to say about the devil.
Thirdly don't see the point in YOU
objections. Joblots-"It doesn't pay
to criticise people we expect to have
to ask favors of in the future.-N. Y
Herald.
Ambitious Mamma I no
ticed last night that Mr.. De Rich pait
you considerable attention. / hop,
you showed him a proper amount o
civility." Ingenious Debutante-"O
yes, mamma, 1 did! I'm sure he know
he can have me for the asking
Brooklyn Life.
Strawber = Terrible thing abou
Spindle, wasn't itP The poor fellow
didn't turn up at his own wedding.
Mrs. Heavens! What wa
the matter?" Strawber-"He was foo
enough to put off the ushers' dinne1
until the night before the wedding
day."-Judge.
Farmers Boy = "Kin I go fishin
dad?" Farmer-"Is tn pastur' fence
all laid up?" Farmers Boy-"Yes, dad
every panel of it. Kin / goP" Farmel
: as tn seed corn shelled?" Farmer
Boy-"Ev'ry ear of it. Kin 1 goP'
Farmer -(reluctantly)-"Yes; dig ye
bait in tn garden m throw tn stone
up side O. tn fence. PUCK.
Father-"Your school report is gen
orally good, but you are marked yer,
low in department.. Why is thatP
Boy-""I always forget and stand Oh
one foot and rest the other on rail
ing or something when I recite ant
teacher marks me for ahat. l told he
l couldn't help it and she says mayb
/ inherited it." "Inherited it," "Yes
sir. She said that's the way men stan
when they are talking over barr
Good NeaUS.
Bangs-"I saw in this mornings pc
per an item to the effect that you ha
been granted pension" Fraudleigh-
$50 I have" RanUS-aThat's stra n cye