The Bottineau pioneer. (Bottineau, N.D.) 1885-1895, 1892-01-30
SOME MERRY. MOMENTS.
HUMOROUS READING FOR OLD
AND YOUNG.
The German Barber--The We'gne
q Of the FIsh--He Drew Him Gut
A Sad Reflection 1.-The Wild
West--Only One OF
Them,
The German Barber.

made by the Teutonic and the Majestic
when the reporter OF The Sun went to
the old shop to get shaved yesterday.
"Dose vessels are Jim-daisies, amt
it?" he asked. II tell you vot it is, a
man like me, vot got himselluf born
de wrong side byder Adlandic, car an
preciade der inheritance of gidding
gwick away from there. Maybe, some
day, We dake our Sundays off in
Europe, alretty, und come back Ply
Monday mornings-vot you dink
"aboud dot?
cts strange vot effects such dings
shall have on some peoples. A pay
rum customer of mine told me this
morning dot SO Don vot he read der
news abowd der Teutonic beading
dose records he took from peezness
der afternoon off und vent to Green
wood Cemetery ovid und chumped on
his grandfarder's CRATE"
"What do he-do that for?"
'Vot he done it for? He vos mad
like der dickens at der oft chend]eman
for coming ofer here py q sailing ship
a hundert years ago. He vent to der
CRATE und told der oft man he vos'nt
in it, und he never vos in it, and all
of his defendants vos ashamed of
himselluf for coming by America in a
sailing ship und burning tallow can
dies and Crawling arount' i'll sdage
coaches. He said if der oft man knew
vot vos goot for him, when he VOC
going to start a family in America,
der. least he could done vos to keep
anoder cheneration Waiting to come
by der City of Baris.
"Der monkey barber is Crazy" the
boss added. "He says, py chiminy
hockey! der whole sdeamshippeezness
vos making Ireland nearer and nearer
by der United States. He drinks it
will peen der ruin Older coundry. Him
und anoder CRAZY Dutchman und an
Englishman und a Norwegian hold in
dignations meetings on der immigra.
ton gwestion. Each Won has got der
obinion dot der coundry will Ply der
dogs vent if Something's amt done to
stop der Irish, der Chews, und der
Eye-taliane coming ofer here like SEX
ty, der vey they are doing now, al
retty New York Sun.
The Weight of the Fish.
A number of men stood in front of
a railroad Office on Clark street, look
ing at an enormous muskallonge,
which, stretched on ice, served as an
advertisement of the. roads fishing
grounds. One of the men, glancing at
the card which announced the weight
of the fish, said, with a sneer:
"Thirty-fve pounds! I'll bet-twenty
dollars it doesn't weigh thirty-four.
Anybody want to take me. up? Do
your" he added, speaking to a young
fellow who came out of the office.
"Do I what?"
"Want to bet on the weight OF this
fsh?"
"What's the use of betting on it?
The card tells how much it weighs"
"Oh, / know what the card tells, but
I want to get at the real weight of the
fish. Bet twenty dollars it don't
weigh thirty-four pounds"
9"All right, I'll 60 you"
The money was put up. The fish
weighed forty-tive pounds. When the
defeated man was gone, some one,
speaking to the winner, said:
"You ran a big risk"
"Not much. You see there are a
number of fellows who 60 around dis
putting the weight of railroad fish,
and are eternally wanting to bet that
they will not weigh az muc as the
card states, and as a rule they don't,
but I fixed this one. The original card
gave the weight at fifty pounds but
expecting @ sharper along I changed
it. "-Arkansaw Traveller.
He Drew Him Out.
It was in the parlor of a Boston
boarding house. T..
$50 you are from Cape Cod, are
your" said the wit of the house ad-
dressing the new conner and winkingto
his fellow boarders as if to say, mo
tice how I will draw him out"
eyes"
"Cape Cod runs a long way into the
sea, l believe ?"
= Eyes, a good bit"
pretty dampish climate, I Think"
"Not particularly So"
",Well now, when l was down there
I thought it a The rain appeared
to me to be damper than i'll the city
and to wet one more. It made me
pretty wet, ] know. Say don't
you think the rain is wetter there than
here?" -.
IT don't know. Down there We go in
when it rains.
Then the boarders laughed and the
drawing out process was brought to
an abrupt conclusion.-Cape Cod
Item. .@
A Sad Reflection.
A stranger in Chicago was walking
along Madison street, smoking a large
and very fine meerschaum pipe. A
man stepped up beside him, walkingin
the same direction, and said: Excuse
the familiarity Of non-acquaintance,
but / must compliment you on your
Independence. ! have always held
that it is quite as proper to smoke q
pipe in the street as it is a cigar, and
although society rendered an adverse
decision, Istill held my own opinion.
/ am glad, sir, to see a man equally
independent. That is q fine pipe you
have
Eyes, rather"
Had it very long?n III
Y #HNO, not very. "A friend If 1nino
brought II from Germany recently and
presented ii to me.
"A valuable present. By the way,