The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1892-08-26
weatherwax and Mars.


storms that the country has experienced
thus far this season, is accounted for by
astronomers in the proximity of the planet
Mars. 1t takes strong faith and steadtast
belief in everything you hear to accept this
astounding declaration. When we consider
that Mars is only One-seventh the size of the
earth and that it Is over 31,000,000 miles
away, the statement at first blush looks
diaphanOus. Still we are told that it has
two or three moons and is undoubtedly in
habited and telescopes are being turned on
it and some have even supposed that they
have seen signals made to attract our atten-
tion and have promulgated plan for max
ing signals in return. Now, when a man
really starts out to believe anything he may
as well-and he generally dOes--make up
his mind to compass the entire job and this
has been the case with old man Weather
wax in this matter.
Having read that the learned Professor
Ryevsky had said that by means of an
ordinary mirror of sufficient size a reflection
might be cast that would attract the atten-
tion of those far-away marplots, he pro-
vided himself with looking glass, and as
he required some instrument to look through
to ascertain that his signals were answered,
he took with him also his bottle of patent
| right medicine"-which was not yet ex-
hausted-On account of its advertised power
10 make men attractive, and went out into
the back yard the other night to take an
observation of the planet, and see how it
was himself.
After placing the mirror on a barrel up
ended for the purpose so that the rays of an
adjacent street lamp would hit it at the
right angle, he got down on the grass i'm the
shadow and drawing the cork from his spy
glass he took prolonged view of the planet
in its nascent state, before the inhabitants
had woke up to the fact that he was looking
at them. There was low, melifluOus
gurgling sound accompanied his gaze and
he laid the instrument aside with q smack
of satisfaction indicative of correctfulness.
While the old man was waiting for the
people of Mars to wake up, he cast his un.
aided eye over the starry vault and won
dered at its singular beauty and brightness
and he further noticed that some of the stars
seemed to wink at him which led him t
believe that he had already attracted atten
ton. Thus assured he took his glass agair
and carefully removing the cork he wiped
the object lense with his hand and prepared
himself for careful inspection of the red
eyed planet. His gaze was long and slen
save an occasional sound as of water ticklin.
down mountain gulch, but at length IN
yelled "Eureka!'
'Whats the matter, Josiah?" said the oil,
lady from the house.
"Matter enough" said he-"Eureka,"
'Why! Josiah Weatherwax," said tn
/, old lady hurrying down to him, 'What il
the world ails you?"
''Eureka!" yelled the old man again, g
have found it,"
''You have, eh?" said the old lady as sh
| cfnnnpH ba n
3 patent-right medicine, "well, didn't in
tend you should"
'YOu are way off, wife," said he as h
swallowed hiccough, 81 haye found tn
inhabitdnt of Mars. He is smOOth-faceC
: bangs his (hic) hair and has just blowe
the light out and gone to bed-saw him jes
, es plain es the atmosphere would permit.
what did you look through" asked tn
= old lady.
/; why, that bottle. It's wonderf,
magnifer."
=, (which way did you look?" inquired sh,
= Fright over the house there at that star
:, "YOu did, eh?" sneered the old lady {
J. ;. she took him by the coat collar and led hil
!, !, with some difficulty toward the kitche
!. door.
y tWhaz mazzer (hic) Harriet" muttere
. :. the old man, "An'thin' mazzer WIZ Mars;
a mo, out the next time ma you lOOkl1
y - into the hired girls bedroom window thel
y will be something the matter with you, an
!, don't you forget it,"
81 THAI all right, THAI all right" said I'll
old man as he tumbled into bed. "Remen
y Der (hic) me to Mars" and he was off f,
!, dreamland before the old lady could lay Il
! wreck of that bottle on an unused stone pi
: and file another declaration against ''patel
v v medicines" WARD.
u Laingsburg, Aug. 30, '92.
n