The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1892-05-02


In back Office In this city rest side by
side two ancient pieces of machinery.
they have done faithful duty for many
years, and dressed In new suit OF clothes
they are now masqueradinR as youthful
rheumatic joints and scared and cracked
fronts are not however, concealed behind
the thin veneer which q kind and thought
full rejuvenator Of printing materials has
applied to them: they resent the represen-
tstions tat h, which have been made & 70 convinoe
their first set OF teeth.
Dear me-" said old No. 'T wonder
how long this sort OF thing Is going to be
kept up. IL Is fifteen years since was
fired out of the Herald Office, in Boston,
because was back number and not ht
for use In live representative newspaper
office Of metropolitan city, was en-
titled to peaceful rest In junk-yard at
that time, and supposed that was going
to have one: but was jiggered up again
and sent out west where was, to my
shame, announced as new piece OF ma
Cincinnati until fairly ached for grave
in the accustomed place OF sepulture for
obsolete presses, and / felt that i had
earned place either there, or In the Home
for Aged and Infrm Machinery. Judge
of my distress and shame when learned
that was to come to Providence and be
heralded as master production of the
great printing press builders of the pre-
sent day. You see. ! had been
fired out Of my western home
and was sleeping in, Hoes back
was to break me up. heard voices one
day, which fitted me with alarm, aud not
unnecessarily, for Providence publisher
came to my side i'm company with the pro-
prietor of the place and made bargain
for me. There was to be a new folder
added to my already too heavy burden-l
was to be spruced up aud painted and
once more was to be announced as new
press. heard that there was no end OF
discussion as to my abilities, and that 1t
was announced to the directors that while
could not cope with any OF the modern
presses, still could be made to shuttle
around the track and put up al appear
ance OF speed. Say, old man, where did
you come from 2"
This remark was addressed by No. to
the Old Press beside 1t. The Old Press
trembled for few minutes and then
broke it's long silence. II should think
you would ask where ] came from. BY
the way, If were you, would not make
any further inquiries as to the antece-
dents of any other press. i watched you
week ago last Saturday night and L was
ashamed of you. What do you want, to
you are not colts The amount of paper
you tore up aud wasted In one of your
vain attempts to fill the bill and
the guarantee which was made In
your name to credulous set OF directors,
was something simply awful. Now
don't you fret: am not going to give
away my identity at present. Ever since
1t was ascertained that the original mani
festo for Noah's ark WAS printed by me,
aud that George Washington made use of
me for the promulgation of his orders to
the Continental army, have been very
tired. 1t was tough to have that given
away. but when it came down to the fact
that / printed the original affidavit which
went out with the cherry tree story, j
have not cared To speak about my antece-
dents. saw you In the junk yard, and
| am also a member Of the Society of Re
vered and Ancient Order Of Old Presses,
and received my new degree and coat of
| paint at the same time that you did. Let
| that suffice. Excuse me while weep.
"Oh, by the way, did you get on to that
| Affidavit Editors row with the man who
runs the guess Department. 1t was awful
| rich. The Affidavit Editor Is jealous Of
| the man who runs the guess department.
! He has been guessing at the circulation
| you and are supposed to convince the
| great American public we can run off and
| the other fellow beats him. You see
the Guess Editor had been running his
| department for about three weeks and let
1t 90 out that he had received 10000 an
swers from those who were looking after
prizes. The Affidavit Editor said that
could not be so, as such mail as that
would call for more than. 5000 letters
day counting Sundays and all;
had been keeping run Of the mail and he
knew for fact that some days there were
as few as sixteen answers, and that on no
day did the replies run higher than
sixty;
he said something bad but the Affidavit
Editor said that he happened to know
that the envelopes were saved every day
for man who had got the one-million
cancelled-stamD craze you know what
that is? No! Well, some one started
the story some time ago that the national
government would pay a large sum of
first to send in one million cancelled post
age stamps. OF course there is nothing
in it, still now and then the story gets
| fresh start and catches new victim. 1t
makes me laugh, but just think what
long time it would be before the million
stamps were secured, ii the gentle
man were depending on the supply he
got from the Guess Editor. You keep
shady and watch for developments.
Speakin of keeping shady, you and will
have no trouble in doing that. Did you
get OH to those electric lights Our
company now operating in this city, so
put in plant Of his own. Planty Ha
Ha! That Is o good one.-It is a plant Of
good money that will never bear fruits.
1t makes me laugh to see the pressmen
light matches so that they may find the
electric lights and not fall over ns. Well, let
upl Here comes the boss. If he hears us he
will put US on his favorite suspension list.
You know what poor - got for not
hearing of Harry Welch's death He has
been working for Street, Walker g. Co.
for the last ten days. You and don't
want that sort Of business we are too old
birds to be treated in that manner"
Old No. looked over to Old Press,
shook it's rheumatic form and settled
down for quiet snooze, while Old Press
stretched out it's New Folder and winking
its off eve, remarked that it guessed it
would tell old No. some day in the near
future what IL knew, personally, of Rip
Van Wrinkles experience with the funny
little men of the mountains, aud then
dropped into one of those gentle dozes