St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-01-03
SUNRISE SIGNALS.


delightful reunion New Years evening at
their sequestered apartments on Temperance
street. Young Mr.. Squeeze. of Kalamazoo
was the honored guest of the club. In intro
oucing him TO the members, the Autocrat of
the Pool Table said:
Gentlemen, have the pleasure of present
ing to you Mr.. Squeeze. young man who
comes West for the first time in his career
In fact, it may be truthfuliy said that his life,
SO far, has been spent among the verdant,
aromatic, narcotic and extremely sedative
celery beds of Kalamazoo. Three thousand
acres are devoted to the crisp and succulent
celery in the vicinity of Kalamazoo. But to
return to Mr.. Squeeze. 1t is, perhaps, need
less to inform you that he is an excessively
moral young man. The peculiar ozone
adapted to the successful cultivation of cell
cry is also most conducive to high-grade
morality. In Difference to this fact, il has
been decided by the club to dispense with
the usual New Years ceremonies, and also,
| am almost sorry to add, with the inspiring
beverages customary upon such occasions
We shall have, however. soma hot coffee and
dOughnuts. and handful or two of rich
lily Brazil nuts and half-dozen bags of pop
corn. The Bard of the Featherheads was
bold enough to suggest little sweet cider,
but Mr.. Squeeze modestly objected, so sweet
cider Will not be with us this evening
In regard to games, Mr.. Squeeze informs
us that he never INDUCES in any pasteboard
recreation except euchre; thirty two-card
euchre, with joker attached Concerning
stakes he desires them to be limited to 25
cents corner. He says he could not posi-
bly, go above that limit and at the same time
retain his standard or Kalamazoo morality"
Cards were produced, fy tables were soon
filled with vivacious quartettes OF players a
bag OF popcorn given to each group, and the
Autocrat of the Pool Table found himself
and partner opposed to the moral young man
from Kalamazoo and his vis-a-vis. The
moral young man won the deal, turned up a
jack. picked ii up played lone hand and
made the points. The game proceeded for
three successive deals. and then the gentle
man from Kalamazoo turned another bower
repeated Ike lone hand programme pocketed
half the stakes and reset the euchre trap
The Autocrat of the Pool Table told a funny
story. at the termination of which the moral
young man nibbled little popcorn and
turned another jack, gracefully responding
to Bnother lone hand encore.
Il must admit said the Autocrat of the
Pool Table that you are the fortunate pos
SCISSOR of considerable nerve. Celery is
good thing for nervous disorders, / under
stand, almost equal to moXie.''
quite So" emphatically- replied the Kala-
mazoo man. There is really nothing 50
good for the nerves as bunch of crisp
celery and little salt, unless it be two
punches of celery and more SALT
Here the moral young man turned another
jack and devoured a doughnut. At the ter
mination of two happy hours the Kalamazoo
man counted up 81 winnings, rose from the
table and put on his overcoat The Autocrat
of the Pool Table rose at the same instant
and said
Previous to your departure out into the
cold, cold world. out in the street, allow me
to express, on behalf of the ST. Paul Feather
head club, our appreciation of your kind
condescension in mingling with us this even
ing. However, would not urge you to min
gle with us any longer at this particular
time, as, with the greater number now pres
ent, pay day does not come around until
next Monday. You can carry with you the
KIND assurance that the people with whom
you DO mlngle will never forget you. But In
behalf of the Featherhea1 club 1 suggest
that, upon your return to Kalamazoo, YOU
send the club which has so generously en-
tertained you this evening a crate of your
Justly celebrated celery. 1t is good for that
tired feeling. Our individual pocketbooks
need just that kind of tonic.''
- **
GoV humphrey, OF Kansas, has realized
the fondest hopes of the Democratic party.
passed by the brainiest and most aggre ssive
Republican in Kansas. and appointed as
United States senator a political nonentty
named Perkins. 1t is just such apple sass"
Kind of work that is diluting the already
weakened decoction of Republicanism all
over the country. Now let the Ohio leyisla-
ture elect Fire Alarm Foraker to succeed
Sherman. and Dem 3crats will make the wei.
kin ring with thanks. for Repu blican blum
ders. '
z
The senatorial mountain of Kansas labo red
and brought forth Perkins.
Ex
Miwaukee's convention boomers have
their ears close to the ground ready to catch
the first note of friendly announcement
from Chicago Said note, however, is liable
TO outlaw before they can realize OH it.
PETER and Perkins! Holy smoke. a pair
To make the sons of bleeding Kansas stare.
While John j. ingalls,, sad, dlsgrunted
slow,
Excites no audience with his tale OF woe.