Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-03-06

PTTTSBURG DISPATCH,
when I saw how much more she knew about
men and things than did
,"How long did it take for me to find that
out?'
About 10 minutes But wouldn't own
up to it for about ten years. Now / always
look for the signature of letter. Ifit has
none, or If it is evidently sailing under an
alias, I give it to my private secretary.
That's the way happened to light on my
''Shameless" friend'5 real name; was
looking in that sneaking, dishonorable, un-
gentlemanly fashion which SO enraged HIM
to see the name of my correspondent. BY
ing synonymous letters for many years.
I get one occasionally, but the line where
the signature should be is all that see of
it, and my secretary never tells me what is
in one of them although she eagerly devours
them all, from postmark to the last line. I
don't know how could get along without
her.
The Kind OF Secretary to Have.
She takes everything 1 hand over to her,
never complains, always dispatches her
work the minute it is given to her; never
lets any of it drag over into tomorrow, and
never says a word about what she reads
She never talks, and never suggests any
thing save the very thing that I want sug-
gested. And while not addicted to it, yet
sometimes, when the wind is in the east
and little blustery, she doesn't object to
having a quiet little smoke with me.
But she never smokes outside the den, and
never when we have company. When we
are alone, it doesn't matter so much; no.
body can hear what say then. And she
never drinks. Oh, that's the one thing she
never does. Good deal of brass about her,
and she is rather hard-headed, but she is
warm-hearted and affectionate. think she
must be of Russian descent. Because, if
some days she grows cold in her demeanor,
1 do not plead or expostulate. 1 walk right
across the room and lay the hickory over
her three or four times, and she warns right
up to me again. couldn't get along with
out Anne D'Irons. She's twins, too;
never thought to mention that. 1t isn't
every man who can have twins for private
secretary.
No Question About Money or Life.
see the papers are making fun of a Mis-.
souri, banker who let a dynamite crank
scare him out of $50. That is nothing to
laugh at Or rather it is 1t wouldn't have
been half so funny if the man had saved
his $50 and got the whole interior depart
ment of his perishing frame shipped into
the adjacent county by dynamite express.
If a man comes to my house holding sus-
picious looking carpet bag in his other
600, 900, he gets whatever he calls for, spot
cash, right on the nail. I'm fond of money,
but I'm not pigheaded about it.
True, the demand may drive me to work
sometimes, but even that is better than sit
ting around with my head blown out of the
window, waiting for some of the family to
come home and bring it in. And then, one
sometimes does great deal of good in that
way. I know 1 do. l teach men frugal
habits One day last month tramp came
along and told me story that sounded so
much like one of my own-the kind tell
the managing editor when I'm three days
behind with copy-that in a burst of adj
miration for kindred genius, I gave him all
the money had in the house; every cent.
Did he 60 away and invest it in drinks of
a maddening and intoxicating character?
Indeed he didn't. He's got it yet. AT
least, am willing to bet large sums at long
odds that he hasn't been able to spend it
for anything.
Rhymes to the Buyle Call.
You are too young to remember much
about the war, my son, but your uncle
UeOTSe, WHO DeStTlu tnC piSShiu III VIC Cav
airy, has war stop which you can pull out
sometimes, and he Will go all night Ask
him some time to tell you about the first
call after reveille. The men always set
words of their own to all the bugle calls,
and this one we used to call:
"Come away to the stable,
All We who are able,
And give your horses
Some hay and some corn"
iYpev
For the distant hills its notes prolong;
And the roil-calls chant its course has run
With the first broad stare of the red-faced
The sergeants voice, quick, sharp and clear.
Has called for the soldiers CHEEKY "Here;"
The stirring camp is on Its feet,
And the hasty toilet is made complete,
When, ringing above the clamor of men,
The Bugle Monitor calls again
Come away to the stable,
All We who are able,
And give your horses
Some hay and some corn"
And echo to its shrilling call,
Loud, many-voiced salutes us alls
From our patient comrades stand
paving, eager, neighing band;
At the first note the bugler blew,
They Joined the song which well they knew,
And And with high tenors chorussing,
"For if you don't do it,
Your Colonel will know it.
And then you will rue it
As sure as you're born."
Brave comrades of our march and rest,
By our own toll and dangers pressed;
Our faintin2 courage they inspire
Oft, by their fearless battle fire.
They know our guidon as do We
Bear it and us to victory;
When the shril. bugles call to war,
They snuff the battle from afar;
They mock at fear as swift they go
In pride of strength to meet the foe;
The captains orders, thunder loud.
Are incense to their courage proud;
Our comrades! They deserve that We
Their Wallets and their servants be;
And SO with willing handseach day
The bugles mandate we0bey-
"Con.e away to the stable,
All ye who are able,
And give your horses
Some Hay and some corn;
For II you don't do it,
Your Colonel will know it,
And then you will rue it
As sure as you're born"
ROBERT j. BURDETTE.
A RAILWAY ADVENTURE.
Tho Mistake Husband Made While on q
Journey.
A lady who has been travelling abroad re.
lates an adventure which befel her in Italy
in a railway train, an adventure that is moi
without its amusing side. Her husband put
her into a compartment alone and went to
attend to the luggage. After he had gone q