The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1892-12-04
ROBBING AN EDITOR.
THE nURGLlR VINO cor IN
THEOUGH THE cUPoEA.
An Amusing story of How nm Attempt Was
Frustrated, and the One VINO MACE III
Barely Escaped with His Life.


generally referred to, was situated at the
head Of the long and struggling street
called Main street. in the village Of Davis
burg. 1t was built for and occupied by the
editor Of The Clarion. To be more explicit,
Mr.. Boneset, as will call him, was editor,
publisher and proprietor Of The Clarion.
Mr.. Boneset wasn't much OF an editor, and
The Clarion wasn't much Of a newspaper
but both managed 10 exist The editor
was fifteen years building the house with
the cupola. All the lumber, hardware
plastering and painting was secured by adj
vertising and subscriptions. Notal either,
for now and then the editor put in day or
two with saw and jackplane, and now and
then the Office force was sent up there with
brush and paintpot The office force con-
sisted of a boy anywhere from thirteen to
sixteen years old, who acted as devil, " and
an old man named Fosdick, who acted as
foreman, pressman, local editor, job print
er and so on. 1t wasn't always the same
boy. for boys change rs do the seasons, but
a. was always Fosdick He was forty years
old when the cellar was dug; he was forty
five when the house was inclosed; ne was
the outside doors hung, and ne was day
or two over fifty -fye when the editor moved
in. Some of the rooms were not done
Off yet, and the cupola was only an open
framework, but the editor concluded to
move in and take fifteen years more TO fin
fish up.
One day n week or so after The Clarion's
announcement that eve have finally moved
into our new house on the hill, and our
wife is well pleased with the location"
the wife was called away by the illness OF
a relative, and that night the editor had
the house all TO himself. TWAS an autumn
night, and he shut himself in as much as
possible, because the weather was chilly.
II was midnight by the clock he had taken
in exchange fora half column ad. on the
third page for six months, when he was
aroused from his dreams. A man with a
pistol sat on the bed beside him. A lamp
had been lighted by the intruder, and the
editor had only TO open his eyes to realize
that something had happened to knock his
usual routine into "pi."
IL want money! growled the intruder
as be saw that the editor was awake.
"How did you get in?" queried the lat
ter
"By way Of a ladder the roof and the
cupola, If you want to know. Come, shell
outw
"My friend we have nothing to she'll"
was the honest reply. ave did have three
dollars in cash. but we gave it TO our wife
when she went away today You may
possibly find thirty or forty cents in our
trousers. but the sum total will not reach
fifty"
"You are a - of man, you arew ex.
claimed the burglar. Get out of bed and
look around. I've got to have money, and
you must shell out or take the conse-
euences."
"My friend, Wen get out of bed and
wen search around, but the result will be
fruitless. The fact is, we've got to borrow
money of some one to get our next bundle
OF paper Couldn't you"-
He was about to ask If the burglar
couldn't take it out in advertising at regu-
lar rates, and offer him space next to read
ing matter on the fourth page, but the
man made gesture of Impotence and the
proposal was cut short.
"NOw overhaul that bureau" command
ed the burglar rs Mr.. Boneset got into his
trousers.
The sum total of wealth would not have
figured up n dollar There was an old
locket, a washed finger ring and plated
watch chain many years old. The burglar
was indignant and made threats. He
ordered Mr.. BOneset to accompany him
about the house and overhaul closets and
trunks and boxes. He even insisted on a
search of the pantry, saying that he had
heard Of people hiding their money in old
teapots on the top shelf. As the editor ap.
peared to be mild hammered and harmless
the burglar gradually relaxed his precau-
tons. They had finished with the pantry
when Mr.. Boneset saw his opportunity.
Urged by force he could not resist al
though he had never even knocked a chip
off a mans shoulder in his life, he struck
out with his right and hit the stranger on
the point of the jaw. 1t was prize fight
er's blow, and the stranger was put to
sleep. Mr. Boneset lost thirty seconds Of
valuable time in recovering from his
amazement, but then he reached for one Of
the half dozen clotheslines he had taken in
payment for three inch ad. on the third
page, and in a couple of minutes had his
man securely bound. He was in time.
Indeed he had started bit of fire in the
kitchen stove and drawn up the family
rocking chair before the burglar regained
his senses.
"Well, as you see, the tables are turned"
observed the editor as he set his chair in
motion.
The burglar struggled and cursed and
threatened, but he was helpless
''As an editor" continued Mr.. Boneset,
eve have continuously and persistently ad
vocated that we had too much law in this
county, and that most of the laws were too
severely enforced Take the crime of bur
glary, for instance. We can remember
clared that the minimum penalty even
was a relic of barbarism. We have strenu
ously contended that men were driven 10
crime in order TO procure the necessities of
life, and that instead Of more prisons we
needed more aid societies. Our esteemed
contemporary has always taken an opposite
view. and our arguments have been very
exhaustive and rancorous. Were you driven
50 this crime because of hunger"
"Look here, you old bloke, I'll have your
life for thisl" replied the burglar.
'Are you hungryp
"Hungryl Dye think Pm fooli"
slave you looked in vain for opportu
nifty TO turn your muscle into money in al
honest way?"
"D'ye mean work"
ayes"
swell, You are a sap headed idiot I'd