The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1892-11-03
UUMOR OF TIE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many OAA. Curioos. ond koaEhab's
Phases Of Human Mature Graphically
Portrayed ~ Eminent Word Artists oa
Our Own bay.


Some sharp sayings.=
"WORKrN' now. Pctc?' "Naw. /
got a job in dc city hall. Buffalo
Express.
THE bunco man is not fastidious.
He lives on the simplest things he
ran hnd.-Elmira Gazette.
WHAT a little lit OF a thing your
baby sister is!" "Yes'm; it's con-
densel milk baby. Good News
Miss OLDuN-.JOhnnie. name the
four seasons. Johnnie-Pcppcr, vine-
gar. salt and mustard Brooklyn
Life.
THE fair sex is capable OF almost
anything when driven to it. Ex-
ample: Nancy Hanks.
News.
Il HAVE lots to tell you about.
said the real estate man. meeting an
an old friend on the street.-Yonkcrs
Statesman.
DIMLING-Why did you leave the
lecture platform. Larkin? Larkin-
Well, was eggcd on to take that
step.-Lifc.
A MERE question OF sex: "Well,
Willie, did you master your lesson to-
lay:" Nom: I>misscd it."-Phila-
deiphia Record.
BuyER-ls this suit all wool? Mo-
zinsky--I Won't lie to you, my friend,
for it is not: de buttons vas made OF
silgk. Eagle.
If folks will fool with other peo-
PIES money and get behind the wicket
Of a cell door in consequence. that's
their lookout. t.-Philadclphia Times.
HICKs-There. For once I'll know
where that collar button is when 1
want it, Mrs. Hick>-Where is it?
IIicks-The baby has swallowed it
Truth.
GRAMMAR CLASS -Tcacher-Now,
Johnny, see il you can't give me an
example of sentence. johnny
Ten dollars or ten days. Black and
White.
RETROGREsSIvE progress is the
backward search through life which
many a man makes i'm quest of things
he has thrown over his shoulder. -
Oil City Blizz lrd.
| CARAwAY-"The ciopcment of Che
Eey's wife was in the nature Of a
boomerang. wasn't it," Hooks
"lIow So:" Caraway-"She returned
the next day. Truth.
GRACE-IIow did Mrs. Duton man.
age to have SO many men at her tea?
Rosalic-Oh. she had the wine list
printed on the back of the cards she
sent out.-New York Herald.
"REEN South, / understand "Yes;
l was down there nearly all summer.
Great country. Very hospitable
yeople." "Yos. indeed. Butter flows
like water there i'm the summer"
TEACHER-In what part of the Bi
bic is it taught that "A man should
have only one wife? Little Boy
guess it's the part that says no MAI
can serve two masters. News
Il suppose when you marry tn,
duke you will go to his home in Eng
land with him:" "Dear me. no.
wouldn't trust myself away over ther,
with man know SO little about. -
Life.
AN Atchison boy complained o.
having pain in his hip, and an in
vestigatiOn revealed the fact that h,
had so many thin IS in his pocket
that it hurt him to walk.-Atchiso:
Globe.
JoHNNY-"M can't you tel
me new fairy story?" Mrs. Bragg
II don't know any, Johnny
Maybe your father will tell me SOM
when he comes in tonight. "-BOstOl
Gazette.
LITTLE Box Visiting in the couu
try)-"Oh, mamma, l saw grea
big mamma pig down to the barn.
Mamma-"You d!d?" Little Boy
"Yes, an she had whole lot OF pig
mics. food News.
MOTHER "Why aren't you an
George as good boys as your littl
b.othcr?" Young Hopeful-"I CUES
it's cause you'd had more experienc
bringin' up boys wen you commence
on him. Good News.
SUE DEERING I'm afraid pap
was angry when you asked him fO
me. wasn't he, Jack, love? JAG
Hillow-Not at all. lie asked IL
, knew any more respectable youn
| men who would be likely to MARI
your five sisters if properly coaxed.-
Harper's Bazaar.
Hell PRESSURE CIVILIZATION. =
, Stranger-"I don't sec how an ol
man cln get around New York will
. out being run over" New-Yorkcr-
? "By the time man gets old in Ne
; York he's rich enough to have ca
l riage, or else he's in a lunat
> asylum. New York Weekly.
SME-Did you have a plcasar
; evening at the Tollivcrs'? He-Yc
As soon as l put my right arl
around Daisy's waist she put bot
, hers around mine. Then she scream
! cd. l let so, but she hung on. III
y father came in and read the statute
a referring to breach of promise-an
:. yes, had very nice timc.-Ne
York Herald.