The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1892-02-21
'How?"
into IT," "N ""o"'
"I'hAt losda; ~ ao.u t42,, ..e

W. IiOW r. D. F=..
why, you just stand over it and swear
"uhat loads II, does it?''
fes, because every word 1t collars 1t
keeps-~keepA it forever. Never wears ont.
any lime yon turn the crank ont it'll come.
~ times OF great peril yon can reverse it,
nnu WI swear, backwards. That makes d
sailor hump himsalf."
..Dh, see. Who loadsthem-the mate?''
.las, ~ he chooses. Or I'll furnish them
niready loaded. I can hire MI expSrt for
SDA month who will load 1bO phono-
gaps III LEO hours and do II easy. And an
expert can furnish a stronger article, of
mate conld. Then, you soc, ali tho ships OF
tne world will buy them ready loaded, for /
snail have them loaded in any language a
customer wants. Hawkins, it will work
tne Rrandest moral reform of tho
nlnateenth century, Five yeats from now
an .ae swearing will beFdone by machinery
You won't evcr' hear = profane word from
human lips on Il ship. Millions Of dollars
nave been spent bv the churches in the
eiioft to abolish profanity in the CONNER
clal marine. Think of Tiny name will
i've forever in the affections of good men
conpiished this noble aud eleyating re.
form.' .y@s
~, 1t is Rrand and benefcent and beauti-
1ul. How lid yOu over come to think of it?
You have q wonderful mind. How did you
say You loaded the machineY"
~. 'ts no trouble-perfectly simple. If
you want to load itup loud and strong, you
stand right over it and shout. But II you
leave it open and all set, it'll eavesdrop. 80
10 speAk-that is to say, it will load itself
mp with any sounds that are made within
six feet Of it.. Now. PHI show you how it
one up yesterday. Hello, it's been left
open; III too bad; still i reckon it HASN'T
much chance to collect irrelevant stuff.
All you do is to press this button in the
floor, So"
The photograph began to sing, in a
plaintive voice:
There is a boarding house, far, far away,
Where they have ham and eggs three times a
day. a. ~ "
Hang it, that amt it. Somebody's been
singing around here.''
The plaintive song began again, mingled
With q low, gradually rising wall of cats
slowly warming up coward Il fight:
g, how those boarders yell,
When they hear that dinner bell
-".They give that landlord" documentary
outburst Of terrific cattight which browns
out one world three times a day." IRE
newal OF furious catfight for a moment.
Scat you devils''-and a racket as of lyinp
missiles).
, well. never mind-let it go. I've got
some sailor-profanity down in there some.
where # l could get to it. But it isn't any
matter. you see how the machine works."
Hawkins responded with enthusiasm:
70, it works admirably! know there's a
hundred fortunes in it,
And mind, the Hawkins family get their
share, Washington"
70, thanks, thanks; you are just as gener-
Gus az ever. Al, it's the grandest inven-
ton Of the age!'
IAN, we'll, we live in wonderful times,
The elements are crowded full of benef-
cent forces-always have been-and ours is
the hrst generation TO turn them to account
and make them work for us. Why. Haw-
kins, everything is notwithstanding ought
ever to be wasted. Now. look aJ sewer gas,
for instance. Sewer gas has always been
wasted heretofore; nobody tried to save up
sewss gas; you can't name me a man.
Ain't TINT 80? You know perfectly we'll
it's So" "