The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1892-12-14
HUMOR OF TIE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious. and Laughsb.s
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent word Artists of
Our Own Day.



WE suppose sailor comes TO be a
star" as the result of the pitch OF his
yesscl.-Binghamton Leader.
IT may be that some people enjoy
chess because IL is necessarily a
square" game. Washington Star.
THE precocious hopeful does not
consider himself up to snuff until he
gets down to tobacco. Dallas News.
WHEN a rifle explodes the fault
may be in the breech, though it is
charged TO the muzzle. Boston
Courier.
MILLIONAIRE LADY (who has just
bought villa)-"Now, Jane, go out
in the barn and see that the hens lay
eggs for breakfast. "-Siftings.
SHE-"Did you see anything in
New York that reminded you OF
Philadelphia" He-"Yos; the mes
sengcr boys. Brooklyn Life.
a Pooh JUDGE.-Mr. Newwed-
"Um! seems to me, my angel, this
hash has n queer taste" Young Wife
Hash? That's fruit cake. New
York Weekly.
WHEN ones wife follows him out TO
the hatrack with her hand on his
shoulder he inquiries involuntary:
"How much do you wait, my dear?"
Dallas News
A CURIOUS circumstance about
organ-grinding music is that the
more it's ground with the same in
strument the less fine it becomes. =
Philadelphia Press.
WILL AM -"Fat her, wi az comes
Of the crows during the winter sea-
SOM" Father-"I Lave been told
they go South to look after the lest
caws. Rochester Democrat.
"YoU'RE the sep cs:-,ooking indi.
v.dual | ever saw" said Dick to the
secdy man on the corner. "Yes, even
my coat hasn't had nap in some
time" q 9th le.-Bost Post.
FRANK-"I'll never forget that
jolly dinner at the club Jim gave us
before he was married" Tom-"You
won't, eh. Why, you forgot al about
it before the dinner was over. Life.
LITTLE BoY-"DOn't Quakers ever
fght?" Mamma-"No, my dear"
Little Boy (after reflection Il
should think it would be awful hard
for real big Quaker to be Quaker
Good News.
Il THINK I'll have an oil portrait
made" said Mr.. Derrick, who had be-
come suddenly rich in petroleum.
"There you go talking shop again."
exclaimed his wife, who was taking
lessons in culture. Puck.
The EASIEST WAY.-Clerk-"Yo
can call him up on that telephone, IL
you wish to talk to him." Stranger
How far is he ON here?" Cler't
About ten miles" Stranger
"Well, I'd rather walk."-Puck.
THE REToRT CoURTEoUs.-A-
seems to me that your ears are get
ting bigger and bigger every day"
B-"Let me tell you something. Ny
ears and your brain would make Il
first-rate donkey. Texas Siftings.
BoY-Pop, kin / go to tn circus?
Pop-Circuses is wicked. Boy-The
man gave me two tickets fer carryin'
water for the horses Pop-Um, A
man wot's as charitable as that can't
be very bad. Well both go.-Good
News.
No NEED FOR HURRY. Miss Hast
ings (overtaking Miss Slowboy on the
way to hurch)-"Hurry, Title, or
you'll be late" Miss Slowboy-
There is 70 hurry, dear. Let me in
troduce Mr.. Bellows our organist. y
Puck.
a CRUEL INsINUATIoN. = Miss
neutrality-suspicious., some of my
jewelry is missing" Bridget (who
reads the papers)-"Sure, mum, you
will not be intimating that it's n
member Of the English aristocracy
that Oh am. Texas Siftings.
AT THE INTELLIGENCE OFFICE.
Mrs. Hunter-"I want a good girl,
and possibly you might do. Have
you had any experienced" Domestic
Importation - Experience is it?
Faith, and haven't Oi len in 20 less
than twinty families within month"
Boston Transcript.
WHAT He OBJECTED To. Mr..
Shortweight dealer in coal)-I want
yOu W SCluiC iOI llldO lOll Or COAL you
got few days ago. A man has to
pay for what he gets in this world
CustOmer-Yon are right, sir And
when he buys coal lie has to pay. for
lot he doesn't Brooklyn Life.
MEANS OF SELF-DEsTRUCTIoN.-
Morbyd (members Of the SuiciCe
Club)-"I have selected strychninc."
Gluemy (another member)-" have
decided to use parallel" "-A par
allel? What's that" 81 don't
know, but it's fatal. The newspa-
pers are always speaking OF the
deadly parallel. Puck.
A SEVERE TEsT.-Stranger-Call
your paper a great advertising me-
dunn, do you? 1t isn't worth shucks.
put In an advertisement last week
and didn't get an answer, not one.
E1ifnr- Nvf y,,vf IInuv ,xo- Il