The record-union., 1892-11-19
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT

A rattlesnake is game to the end.-New
Orleans Picayune.
The man who treats the buns to cham
pagne sometimes treats his wife like a
dog.-Dallas News
Can you see how Dotson can afford to
order $40 suit?" "Yes. He don't ex-
pect to pay for it.''-Chicago Tribune.
Miss or Mrs.? -Visitor-Do you miss
your sister much since her marriage !?
Little Sister-No, indeed; we always Mrs
her now.-Brooklyn Eagle.
"Huggins is very much alarmed about
MS wife; she can't turn her head. Can
you suggest remedy ?'' Has he tried
putting a new bonnet behind her ?'-
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Mamma haven't seen the kitten to-
day. Where is she? Little DOT don't
know, but put a blue ribbon 'round her
neck this mornin', and I guess she's out
showin' herself.-Good News.
"Yes, Harry, l love you, but we can
never We'd" said the Boston maid with a
sigh. And why ?" asked Harry. "You
say eether for eyether," and she hid her
face on his shoulder and wept.-Boston
Post.
How does it come, Jones, that you are
eating at restaurants now ?" "Oh, you
see my wife is teaching in a cooking
school now and does not have time to get
up any meals at home" buffalo Tx
press.
Editor-The beginner you asked me to
take on the reportorial stall goes at it
like an old hand. Spacer-Wh hat has he
done? Editor-He has killed off the
oldest Mason in the United States three
times this week.-Judge.
81 know what Pm going to be when
Pm grown up" said Hal. Pm going to
Iva q rop1ipat,oa,, 4
not" said Walter. Pm going to be a
dude and have man to carry my club
Tor me. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Two friends meeting, the following
colIoquy ensued: where have you
been ?'' "To my tailor, and I had a hard
time to make him accept little money!"
You astOnish me! Why?" "Because
he wanted more. ."-Tid-Bits
A Fish Story.-Miss Birch-Why didn't
you come to school this morning? Billy
Fisher had to 90 Of an errand. Miss
Birch-But you didn't come this after
noon either. Billy Fisher-Oh, well, you
see, haint got back yet-Puck.
Husband-Wh hatever made you turn
her OFT? She was the best cook we ever
had. Wife (nervously)-I know it, but
l think she was really ainsane. Hus-
band-Wh hat made you think so? Wife
She only wanted one afternoon a week.
| Chicago Inter-OCean.
81 want you TO understand" said the
red-nosed man, that | am one of those
persons who can drink when they want
to and let it alone when they want to-"
But you are always drunk" That's
! because / have never yet wanted to let it
alone. ."-Bulfalo Express.
'Donnerwetter, what a sight you are p'
"Just rs l was leaving the house to come
to the club my wife pelted me with flow
ers." But that doesn't account for your
! bruised and battered appearance "You
see, she forgot to take them out of the
pots, ,"-Fiegende Blatter.
II think Mr.. De Lanciers is a charming
man. 1 have just had delightful con-
versation with him." He must have
talked to you about your beauty" "In-
deed, he did no such thing. He devoted
himself exclusively to the ugliness OF
other wOmen."-Buffalo Express.
Old Fisherman-I went fishing yester-
| day and hooked the largest fish of my
| life. l succeeded in getting him to the
| top of the water, and with a sudden jerk
| he broke my line ana got away. He
weighed Just six pounds. Old Salt-How
could you tell his weight? Old Fisher