Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1892-09-24
PITH AND POINT.
Force meat-Prison diet.
A reipninp star-Jupiter Pluvius


Fish bite without regard to party
lines.
"The swell of the ocean"-The
yachtsman.
Living in Diplomatic commu-
nications. Puck.
Every fat man has theory on how to
dispose of the surplus. SiGtings.
1t takes a lot of pluck to get all the
feathers off an ostrich. Philadelphia
Record.
If you want to see a mouse scared to
death you let it get after a woman
Dallas News.
Yes, Clarence, we have heard a pert
"saleslady" alluded to as ''coLnter IL
ritant. Life.
Jagson says you can take a tramp to
task, but you can't make him do it
Elmira Gazette.
s'Sileut contempt" has saved good
many broken heads on the part of the
contemptuous. Puck.
1t is amazing what an air of authority
eye glasses can give US, though they are
but sign of weakness.-Truth.
There is a dude in Germantown who
is so abnormaily delicate that it jars him
to fall asleep. --Philadelphia Record.
The West Point Girl--"How solemn
those cannon look" The Cadet
"Yes; they've been discharged, you
know"
"The brides father gave her away, did
he not?n "More than that. He threw
in $4,000 to boot. indianapolis
Journal.
Children who lisp in numbers are not
necessarily poets. They may be repeat
ing the multiplication table, Washing,
ton Star.
Mistress-"What would you do,
Bridget, if you could play the piano as
l can?" Bridget-"sure, I'd go on
learnin' until l could play it well. -
Mercury.
He Was a Shaker: my hired man
has fine labor saving device" "Waat
is it." "Chills. They save him frsn
laboring three days out of five. ''-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Dottie-"Why does Miss Skinflint sl.
dress all her verses to the moon'" Didk
-"Weil, l suppose it is because tle
man up there is the only one who cant
run away. Chicago Inter Ocean,
"Why did you strike him with yous
club when he pointed the gun at youl
He distinctly told you it was not loaded. u
~ know that, Judge; that's the reason
damned him. Philadelphia Record.
Oh, she is calm and sweet and fair;
But painful fact find it,
That the broad brow boun by her swirifng
hair
Has no brains behind it.
Chicago News Record.
"Fine country, Egypt, but what a
heat! One day under the pyramids,
cooked some eggs in the sun" "Bles;
you, that's nothing to Zanzibar. Theac
we cook our eggs in the moonlis bit. ~
Life.
Well Meant, but Awkwardly Put
$50 glad you haven't forgotten me, deal
Lord Varicose; l was afraid you would,
after so many yearsP 900, no, Miss
Evergreen, | never forget old faces. -
Lof4don Punch.
She-''I suppose your father will be
very angry when l speak to him2' He
"Not necessarily, if you answer his
/ questions satisfactorily" She-"Good-
nessl What will he ask me9" He
"What means you have to support q
husband. Boston Post.
81 get my daughter to play evenings
after supper. l lind it's good for dYs-
pepsia." 81 never knew that" sob,
yes; just as soon as she begius to play 1
have to run away as fast as possible, and
little exercise after meals is always
healthy. Fiiegende Blaetter.
Father-'Why, am told that you are
in love with Signora Fontalba di Polite
anna" Son(excitedly)-"Just so, father,
and if you have anything to say against
this estimable lady, be good enough &c
wait until am out of hearing Father
-"Oh, merely wished to tell you that
1 courted the Signora myself when was
your age. LA Epoca.
The Ruling Passion: Mrs. Midwest
Ito her spouse, as the cyclone picks up
a section of the Midwest FARM
"Bill, jump off quick What air you
haugin' on fur2' Mr.. Wildwcst gliding
through space on the barn ridgepole)-
"That's all right, Maria. Mebbe kin
git new morgidge on the farm where,
somevers it lands. Chicago News.