, 1892-01-06
LONDON THEATER TOUTS.

How Patrons Are Made Miserable by
Cloak, Programme and Other FiendA
You have scarcely put your nose in
side a theater before you are seized upon
and called to stand and deliver. First it
is your coat. Men and women rush after
you and poster You for your coat They
would rejoice if all were foolish enough
to yield to their importunate demands,
and risk colds, coughs, influenza and
bronchitis for the rest of their natural
life. Why, it is madness to venture into
the stalls without a draft protector.
Modern theaters are SO constructed that
they are mere draft traps.
If you are seated near the door you risk
a stiff neck. You must wrap your cloak
around you and be careful to protect
your legs from the blasts of wind that
pour in from every crack and canny. II
you are in the center of the stalls, at
many theaters directly the curtain is
raised q tornado of wind rushes across
the footlights and catches you by the
throat. / often think that women are
mad who venture into theaters with low
dresses in winter time. II is bad enough
for men.
And yet these attendants get quite Of
Tended if we do not leave behind us the
only garments that will protect us from
sudden death. Remember that no one
is free from the theater highwaymen-
Even those who GO in with orders cannot
get out of the cloakroom or programme
tax. AT last they must pay. l remem
Der once going into a theater with a
friend who had a keen sense of the lu-
dicrous. / think it must have been w.
s. Gilbert. 1t was a morning perform
ance and he was attacked in the usual
way:
"Coat, sirl'
What do you want with itY'
ITO take it off,"
Every well, he murmured i~nnocently.
The h~Ighwayman prepared to strip off
his coat, and behold my friend, who
had prepared for the dodge, walked
away in his shirt sleevesl He had only
put on his o~vercoat, with nothing un-
derneath it.
Unconcerned he was preparing to en-
ter the stalls c~oatless, when the attend
ant rushed after him.
"Look here, sir, you must not go into
the stalls like thatr"
"Why not?' he asked with q bland
ahd hllOCCAI All IOu d5htu lOI Lny
coat. You have got it. What more can
you want"
The coat and cloak fiends having been
disposed of, you encounter the second
rank of touts. Now it is a programme
for which you must pay. They inso-
iently bar your passage. They dun you
and din into your ears, Programme,
siri" 1t is not a civil request to know
If you would like a programme OIL not,
but a demand with an implied threat
The implication is that you are a stingy
person, who has no right to be seen in
the stalls.
But this is not all. Having gone
through the first easy stages of theatrical
~purgatory, you are worried all the even
ing with ice sellers and chocolate vend-
OTIS and stale cake providers. If you are
in the stalls, safely wrapped up from
the drafts, these touts edge in between
the very narrow and uncomfortable
stalls and generally make hay. They
tread on your toes, they disturb the lit
tie nest you have made, they make havoc
with the ladies' back hair, pulling out
confiding hairpins and crushing the re-
suit of the maids handiwork. They
don't care if they dig you in the eye
with an ice tray or powder you with the
refuse of sponge cake or bury you under
chocolate boxes.
Their duty is to make as much money
as possible for the specializing contract
tor. 1t is not their fault, poor things.
They all get a commission on their
wares and it is their duty to tout
Clement Scott in London Graphic.