The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1892-02-18
THE MAN OF FASHION.
How He Courts His Lady
Love and Wins His
FianCee.
SHE SITS THE Date Of TIE WEDDING.
The Question of Presents Left 10 the
Parents-Lovers Should Not
Make Bores of Themselves.

phrased in q thousand ways by the mod
ern man of fashion aud has been dis
torted into all possible meanings to cover
individual cases.
l have deci ed to give the man of fash
ion a lesson in counting. Perhaps most
of the men about town will turn away
from this column, and will continue their
attentions to as many young aides as will
receive them, but the sensible, good
natured, good-hearted society man will
heed the lesson and go and marry the
girl he has been especially devoted to for
the past year or two
Acting by rule in q courtship is impos-
sible. There is a certain tact. a certain
good sense that as a rule points out TO
both man n woman the duty of the
Jour. The first obligation of the "a
OF fashion is that he SHOULD make his
purpose Ineligible. 1t is not necessary
here to tell a man how to do this. At
tentions. of course, are the keynotes to
success with all omen, and those gem
orally tell the secret of the heart. After
having visited the young lady with whom
you believe you could live happily all
your life, after you have ascertained to
your w satisfaction, and not to any one
else's, that she mas the sweetest DISPOSE
ti0n in the world, the sweetest face you
LuNe ever lOOheu upon duu Inc IuUSb ue-
voted of ways, you wantt to let her know
just as soon as possible all that you
heart prompts you to tell. Remember
that there is an unhappy time in the life
of many a man, which, If you could read
his story, you would find dates back to
that moment when some young lady in
troduced the best girl in the world to him
as some one else'S tiancee.
There are duties of course which the
young lady owes to the young. gentleman;
duties which it will not be necessary to
go into detail about here, but of which l
would like to say one word. No woman,
unless she be q heartless coquette, will al
low a gentleman to continue his atten-
tions to her when she knows she will
never accept him, for no mar likes to be
refused, aud it is often this feeling which
keeps the man of fashion from proposing
when he has the least dOubt of the possi-
bility of an acceptance.
On the other hand, a man must al
WAYS be made to understand that he is
the petitioner n she the judge who sits
with the utmost dignity and d4corum
upon the proposition he renders. Il is a
moment when n mans life ought to lie
before a woman like a mirror, one In
which his real character glasses itself.
The custom inaugurated by our fore
fathers which held it en- regle always to
ask the consent of the parents before even
intimating the engagement to fris ndS is
as much in effect now as then. There
are meu of fashion who go even further
in their obedience to the Old-time law.
They make it a point to secure the con-
sent of the parents even before they put
that hardest of questions to the girl they
love. On this point, however, there is Il
difference of opinion. and it must be sale
that in nine cases out of ten the society
man is pretty certain of an acceptance by
the young lady-in fact, absolutely GER
tain-before he places himself before the
parents as a sutton for the daughters
hand.
Then comes the happy moment when
the story of Low has been told, when the
first faiths and trusts nave been ex-
changed, when You can court in earnest.
l cannot give you many details on how to
court, because hat altogether depends
upon the conditions, dispositions, and the
prospective mother-in-law. The conduct
of q society man to his hancee must be
tender, assiduous and unobtrusive. He
must avoid all airs of mastership and
train himself to be absolutely without
jealousy, for it is presumed that he has
the utmost faith and trust in the woman
with whom he is to live all his life. Do
not begin with mjStrustlng before you
are married. Observe the utmost re-
spect for every emit of your fiancee's
family. no matter how distasteful some
of the associations NAV be.
DAILY VISITS.
The question of the pr0priety of daily
visits to your fiancee should not trouble
the man of fashion. 1t is on record that
no man who is really in love will allow a
day to pass by without seeing the young
lady, If that is possible. In fact he must
accompany her to all places where there
are gentlemen. AT a dance he must al
ways have the opening cotilion and at
least two or three of the subsequent sets.
But if he is a real gallant lover he will
10 ohn iapD.a xuifL
others.
Some matrons will tell their daughters
that it is highly improper for them to
dance with any but the f1anCe. In this
case it is perhaps better TO defer to the
older lady's opinion. but there is certainly
nothing improper in permitting your
fiancee to dance with other gentlemen
whom you know and who IRE your
friends.
There is a certain reserve in courtship
to which a married couple looks back
with particular pride. 1t is the woman,
as a rule, who sees that this reserve is
maintained, but it ought to be a mutual
matter.
After Won have placed the engagement
ring upon the hand of your fiancee, it Is a
question whether you should continue to
shower valuable gifts upon the young
lady. Flowers. as costly as you can at
ford them, can be sent as often as FOUR
purse will permit. but parents should
nave a say as to the acceptance or refusal
o. jewelry by the young lady; and in this
matter il is best to obey the father and
mother, for YOU will soon ave the young
lady all to yourself, and it is barely pos
sible that you will yourself object as
strepuously to the opportunities for Jew
els which will undoubtedly come from
the young wife.
You shall always be with your fiancee
in public places to which you are invited;
at the opera, at theatres, at balls, at re-
captions where gentlemen attend. II you
| are alone at the ball or at the opera the
| fashionable world will believe that you
have quarrelled, and the fashionable
world Knows. as q rule, what it is talking
about. Right here it must be said that
the first quarrel is as UNNECESSARY and
vulgar as the last, which usually nds III
a broken engagement. or if deferred until
| after marriage, in the divorce court. /
use the word vulgar advisedly, for no
gentleman will allow a petty and uncalled
for jealousy to bring him to the point OF
a quarrel. No lady will give the gentle
man actual cause for UGH action.
1t is a lady's privilege to fix the we'd
dug day. On this point the edict of fash
ion is absolute, but there is no insl ance
on record in fashionable society where
the young lady who was really IN love
failed to take a suggestion in the matter
from her prospective husband. Iu olher
words. the gentleman can suggest, but
the lady fixes the day.
The custom of coming early to the home
of your iancee and of staying late is to be