Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-04-23

- 10 Sag the ludiclous use OF i
little rye whis--"
No, no." said be,
that's not it. can stand the strain on my
system. 1t is the pulling on my purse that
| grieves me-"
He went on to explain that ali the bills tall
que IN the spring, that the repairs on his
mouse always have TO be made IN the spring.
that the children have to have new clothes.
that his boy at college comes home and spends
money as If he had an unlimited supply TO
draw from. He thought the spring was bad
Institution and he would like to abolish It. AZ
ne composed "a spring poem 1t would be en-
titled "A Fathers Lament"
Is the father OF the family the only one that
iaments! No. no, there's the bachelor VINO
looks upon his heavy winter clothes now
reaching very shabby stage and reflects upon
the ways and means of ordering new clothes
before he has paid for the old ones. 1t was
one Of these that the writer overheard in con-
versatlon with the collector Of his tailor. The
latter had paid him unweicome visit at has
Office and the following colloquy ensued.
YOUNG MAN AND HIS TAILoRs BILL
Young bachelor-"Well. what do you want
| today"
Iallors collector-"Mr. would feel very
much obliged if You could paw him for those
trousers you ordered In February"
Y. B.-"Why does he want the money!
I. Gle has a note falling due on Monday
and must raise the MONEY"
''I. Bile expects me to pay his debts for
him. them
L. C.-"No, sir; he hopes you will pay your
own"
Y. B.-"He wants me to pay nv debts. SO that
he can pay his. But if | run into debt that's
no reason why he should follow suit. Two
wrongs don't make right"
I. C.-"Can you not let us have something
OH ACCOUNT?
Y. B.-.My friend. those trousers you want
me to pay Tor are not yet worn out. Am L to
pay for my clothes in advance"
L. c. Smiling II know. but | think YOU
might write me check. 1t is only for Sli.
You Will want some new clothes soon."
y. B-"Want new clothes, Why, man, those
trousers you are dunning me for the only
| respectable garments have. Of course want
! new clothes, but l would like 10 ask You
| whether, when OH go in restaurant, you pay
| for your lunch before You have eaten lt!''
I. C.-"No. of course not"
y. B.-"And yet you want me to pay for my
trousers before have worn them out
L. C. (waxiIg impatient -''Yes. sir: l pay for
my lunch before l have disested it, don't |?
| And you ought to pay for your trousers before
| they Lave fallen to pieces"
| The young bachelor acknowledged that the
tailors man was right and paid.
MARRIED By BILLS.
| But it is sad that the beauties of spring should
| be marred by bills 1t is sad. too that the fur
| mace. having given out an amount of heat that
| is simply astonishing on brigh. warm day. is
allowed to go out and Is abandoned as a thing
| that Will no longer be necessary to comfort
| The warm weather has come. you saw. and the
| colOred chore man who runs the furnace Is
without an occupation. You reflect that you
/ will no longer hear him in the morning appar-
entity beating tin pans in the cellar. You gloat
| over the fact that that monthly coal bill of
such astonishing proportions will not
| bother yOu any more. and you are
| pleased to think that there will no longer be
any Of those family quarrcls about the tenn
| peratare of the house. There is your mother
in-law who always wears a shawl and who be-
| gins 10 sneezc and shiver from the cold while
! you yourself are wiping the perspiration
! from your brow. All of these disagreements
disappear when the fire OF the furnace goes
out But it invariably happens tina: the day
| after the furnace fire is allowed to die out
there comes a cold snap that makes you wish
| for a dozen furnaces. There is nothing SO un-
certain as the weather.
THE EASTER HAT.
Then there is another sad thing about the
spring ,and that is the famous Easter hat Their
Is no Of religion, is it written in the Dis
trict code. that every woman should mount a
fresh new hat on Easter Sunday, but they all
do 1t. An unwrtten custom like this is
stronger than any law. Go to church tomor-
row and see thcm-there will be hats with
| feathers and hats without feathers: hats with
| grapes on Them hats with tufts of wheat and
| rye; there will be hats with peaks on them
| and fiat hats. narrow mats. broad hats, thick
| hats thin hats-in short. every conceivable
| kind OF hat. They cost money, some great
| deal and some very little, and that is the rea-
| son why the spring is sad time to the hus-
| band or the father. His old tile will do but
| the ladies must have the Easter hat. 1t
| is an interesting matter of speculation how
many new hats will appear in Washington to-
| morrow. There are IN the city at this present
day about f00. 600 females. Let us suppose
| quarter OF these too poor to buy or get by any
means new hats, that will still leave 75 600
| new hats bought for tomorrow. The prices of
| these hats vary from 800 to SO cents. but it
will be safer to average them all at S. say.
| That will make 500, 200 spent in WASH
| ington on Easter hats! Whew! the
amount would found an orphan asylum or en-
| down a college. But there is another interest
| ing calculation. This Easter hat is a standing
| American joke. Every newspaper has jokes on
| the subject, SO have all the periodicals of every
| description, and every man who sees an Easter
| hat makes a joke on il. Each new hat is re-
| sponsible for a number of Jokes Allowing for
the jokes in the family, in the press and on the
streets and conservative computation will
accredit each hat with twenty jokes. There
| fore in the city of Washington there are
1,5OO,0O0 jokes now afioat about the Easter hat
sEAsoNABLE JOKES.
This hat joke is in season. Every season has
| its standing jokes and the changes are rung on
them. For the summer there is the bathing
| dress, varied sometimes by that delightful old
sea serpent The summer girl is a new Joke
and hasn't the applicability which age lends
to everything. The fall of the year is not fay-
Orable to the growth Of permanent Jokes. but
| late in tho fall there is the inevitable. inex-
haustible fund of humor about the Thapkse,y-
ing turkey: This bird has done service now
| for about 100 years and still holds
his own. If a collection of all the drawings of
Thanksgiving turkeys were made they would
I'LL an art gallery and would be an interesting
| study II they were taken from the very begin
| ming For the winter there are the parodies
on SNOW, Beautiful Snow" the Jokes on Santa
Claus and whole troop of others, and for the
present season, besides the Easter hat. there is
the joke about the spring poet the latter hav-
Ing become SO much used that real poems on
| spring are now hardly ever seen.
SPRING HOUSE CLEANING.
There is another spring joke that is Disagree
| able reality to many men, and that ID the spring
house cleaning. When a woman cleans house
she turns it upside down. The men 20 about
for days with the odor of dust in their noses
| and when the cleaning il applied to q mans
own room everything is lost for weeks after
ward What has become Of the different
articles Of his toilet ID Q mystery that
only the women Of his household can
| solve. Things have been PUT TO right"
you understsnd-that 10 20 say, the arrange