The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-01-19
THE NEWS
She Finally Concludes That She "Hain't
Missed Nothing

missed Nothing.
The man on the seat ahead of her
was reading a newspaper, and after
getting settled in the midst of her
parcels and bundles and RECALLING her
self with a pinch Of Scotch snuff she
leaned forward and said:
81 don't git much time to read the
papers nowadays, but I allus like to
hear what's goin' . n Is there any
news in perticklerY"
Nothing very exciting, he replied,
as he sized her up out of the corner of
his eye. Here's an item about a wife
killing her husband
"Shool How'd she do it,"
with an ak"
Law me! Wall, she probably stood
it and stood it until she couldn't stand
it no more It's awful how some hus-
bands do carry on. Anything else?"
"Here's an item about a woman in
this state who drove her husband to
suicide by nagging him"
"ShoO! Jest kept jawin' and com
plainin' from mornin' till night, 1 sup
pose, and he finally got so tired that he
took pizen?"
"NO, he hung himself"
"Wall, I don't blame her a mite. He
was probably shiftless and lazy, and it
split her temper to see things goin'
down hill. She'll have a chance now
to git married to a better man."
And here's a case" he continued,
as he pretended to red, "of a wife
and mother who ran away from home
with a tin peddler, leaving a husband
and several children behind.
"Shoo! Does it give perticklers?"
ct says she is supposed to be a
little fighty in the head"
Wall. she amt a bit Eighty. She
does just right. I know purity nigh
how it was. She had all her house
work to do and them young 'uns to
take keer of, and the husband was
probably f1ndin fault all the time on
top O. that. She jest shaved and shaved
till she couldn't slave no more, Some
folks think a woman can bear every
thing, but they can't. I 1spose the
youngest child was purity smallG"
"Only seven months old"
"WalI she probably hated to leave
it, but it would have been weaned in a
couple of months anyhow, and the
father kin bring it up on a bottle. It'll
serve him right if it squalls half the
time anyhow. Anything else2"
"Why, I notice that a woman has
just married her fifth husband and
isn't fifty years old yet. Her neigh
bors are so indignant that they talk of
driving her away"
LA! Got her fifth, eh? Wall, if
was that woman the nayburs might
talk and blow and be hanged to 'em
1 amt fifty years old, neither, and I'm
alvin with my fourth, and don't kee1
how soon he goes. 1 was powerfully
deceived in him."
"Do you say thatyou'd marry again
if he should die9"
"Sartin, and I wouldn't wait over
six months, either. Some folks think
a woman has no rights, but she has.
and she's a fool if she don't assert
EN-"
'%;This may interest you," said the
man, as he turned the paper over.
'A st. Louis doctor declares that the
feet of Indiana women are gradually
but surely growing larger, and that in
the next fifty years to come every one
of them will want a No. Z shoe"
"ShooI He says that, does he7"
"Yes'm."
"And he's a doctor?"
"Yes'm."
Wall he hain't told no startlin'
news. I've been wearin' No. rs ever
since I was a gal sixteen years old, and
I've got the smallest feet of any woman
in our town as it is. 1 did feel kinder
sorry when l diskivered that I'd left
my s~pectacles On the kitchen clock
shelf at home, but if that's all the news
the papers kin rake up l guess l hain't
missed nothing"
HOW THEY ATE AND DRANK.
Famous Mea Who Loved Good things for
TI-.- G.G4