Waterbury evening Democrat., 1892-10-01

1 see why right smart woman can't git her work done, an have an easy time of it half of her time. Now, if l was woman, I'd have some spunk about me, and I'd do like"
 Now, John Phlatlins, you needn't go about tellin' me how your mother used to do, an all that, cause I've heard the old lady say herself them very same words, as is: "A woman's work is never done tell she's in her grave.'"
 Well, anyhow, Marier, I'm mighty sure that if I was a woman l could do your work an have a good, easy time every day of my life"
 II s'pose, then, Josh, you wouldn't mind tryin' it awhile, bein' a man?" asked the wife, pausing in washing the breakfast dishes, and glancing cynical ly to where her spouse sat smoking corncob pipe, and looking. through 8 last mouths paper
 "Eh?" asked Josh, looking up.
 She repeated her question. i've thought of that same thing my self" he replied, ''only I didn't know how you could git along with my work. !"
 "Oh! you needn't worry yourself about that, Josh. kin do your work if you'll do mine."
 Mrs Phlatlxins felt safe in promising this, for when Joshua was seized with his semi-annual "rheumatiz," she had had the whole thing to attend to many a time. Josh seemed to forget this, in his sudden solicitude for the welfare ot his business.
 "Youll have to hitch up, and be l1eer. ful with that off colt, Cause he's skeery s.S ol water them at Smiths well; an don't let 'em drink too much. Take that but ter to Squire Rubin's, an tho punkins to Jones', an the corn to Shears ware house; an don't forgit to order bari of salt, Marier, an some bolts for that | machine"
 "Oh, I'll remember everything" said | Mrs. Phlatlins. And now I'll tell you your work for the day. You jest want | to finish these dishes first; then wash out that basket of clothes an hang 'em out to dry; scrub the floor an churn that butte"; it orto come quick to-day, 'causc the creams just right. By that time the breadll be ready to bake; an you might put on some beans and squash an taters to cook at the same time, for you and Dams dinner. After you get the dinner things done you can can them two buckets of plums; then, while you're resting, like, you might mend that basketful of socks, and put a patch on Dams everyday pants. Then you kin git supper, an I'll try to be | back in time to eat it, an I'll tell you | what to do next"
 After giving these explicit directions, Mrs. Phlatl1ins proceeded to do her hus- bands err nds in the town; while Joshua began most systematically the tasks that were to be as play to his su- | perior tact.
 The washing was done in no time, and the clothes nll hung on the line in good array. To be sure, he did not rinse nor wiring them; but these opera | tionS were only consumers of time, any way; and they looked beautiful as they waved their bright blue (albcit striped) folds in the sunlight.
 It seemed all foolishness to let the bread stand around so long when it might just as well be in baking.
 "I'n just put it in now, with the other things, an build up a good hot fire, an by the time git this butter churned the whole bakin' will be done, an everything" thought Josh; so he built roaring fire, and went merrily to his churninG. After bobbing the dasher for fifteen minutes, Joshua peeped into the churn to see how things were pro- gressing in there.
 | At that exact moment there arose a dreadful screechiug in the back yard. That blamed hawk after them chickens again." muttered Joshua, dropping the dashcr and making dive for his old smooth bore, which con- tained a good charge of fine shot, for use on such occasions.
 Pushing toward the barn yard he es pied large hawk just rising with one of his most promising young bullets while all tho other P. Y. P.'s were rcnding the air with their shricks ant "ker-dawcuts.
 Bang! Down dropped the bullet witf a thud and "lxuck" which was hel last word to her sisters. Down wcn' Joshua with an "Oh" and I-didn't llnow-it-was-loaded sort of expression on his phiz. Up went the hawk to cir cle in the air, hungry as ever, but nonC P the worse for his great scare.
 Thus it was that, when Joshua re turned to the house, he found the fire waning; after renewing it, he recon menced his churning.
 Wonderful! I never heerd Marie1 say that butter would churn itselfr muttered Mir. Phlatkins, peering into the churn, where the cream was in state of strange weird agitation l, Reaching in with his hand to see wha ' might be the cause of the odd phe nomenon, his flesh came in contac = with a splinter. After fishing fev
 moments, he drew forth the stranges looking specimen of butter eve churned. This roll of butter said, in queer, gurgling voice: "Me-youw! It was Mir. T. Cat-in disguise so com plete that his own mother could neve have recognized him. Poor old T. Cat He loved cream; but this time he hat - even more than he would. Josh placet him outside the kitchen window, whel he began process of cleaning whicl 10 this day he has never ended.