The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-08-29
from the Rn,hfnaton Star.

ter.
From the Washington Star.
Alopaths, homeopathic Christian science,
etc. Probably every reader Of the Star has
had more or less dealings with some order of
doctors. Your ideas of medicine may run
TO big doses, little doses or holding hands,
but when you get sick you take something.
Few OF you, though have been prescribed
for by the gods or god. There is a man
in the Star Office who has been so for
tunate as tosnave mis- ailments looked
ed into by god, and a very
ugly and Notwithstanding god
it was, too. The man was not cured by the
god, but that does not do away with the
fact In any way or with the honor which
goes with it. The god which did the pres
scribing for this man did not sit in a room
with formidable-looKing look aud surgl-
cal case and sign reading: "Offioe pre-
| scriptions cash" either, but occupied an
apartment all filled with gaudy gilt-work
! and funny little vessels, in which burned
! aromatic punk. He was a Chinese joss and
his name was-but what matter his name9
You could not pronounce it If you heard it.
A FRIEND AND THE RHEUMATISM
1t happened in this way. The man was
walking around San Francisco with a
| friend and the rheumatism. The friend
! walked by his side and the rheumatism
walked all over him, paying especial atten-
ton to his ankles and causing him TO walk
in a manner as 1.-THE and active as a mule
with the blind steggers. The man, the
rheumatism and the friend finally
found themselves in Chinatown, which
occupies quite slice OF San
Francisco, and just as the man was
trying to figure out whether he would
rather be an American with the rheumatism
| or a Chinsman and eat unsavory looking
messeS with chopsticks and play poker
with tenth of a cent ante the procession
paused. The friend of the man was a law
yer, and be had collided with one Of his old
clients prosperous-looking Chinese
| merchant, who presented the man with a
cheerful smile and cigar. The smile has
gone the ways of all earthly things, but the
man still has the cigar. Whenever he
wants to stop smoking for a week he looks
at tue cigar and the deed Is done. The hos
pitality of the Chinese gentleman did not
stop at the cigar. and he took US to see one
of the big joss houses, containing four or
five especially ugly looking gods. and with
the wall covered over with hierogyphics,
said to be the names Of the subscribers to
that particular joss house.
IN JOSS HOUSE.
The Chinamen around the room did not
seem especially overburdened by awe at
their surroundings and very cheerfuny
drank tea and blew smoke into the faces OF
their omnipotent gods. The man and his
friend blew smoke, too, and bought accord
ing to the custom, some little bundles Of
punk, with which the true believer propi-
tiates the gods, II the mans friend had not
spoken at this point the man would never
have been prescribed for by god with
snub nose and flowing whisksrs, but he did
speak. he said TO his Chinese client: my
friend here has rheumatism. Now, which
god is the surest death on rheumatism. Tell
as, and we viii burn these punk sticks be-
foI him, and 10. my friend will be cured"
The Chinaman first consulted with himself
aud then with the keeper OF the house
Finally, with a wave Of his hand, which in
cluded the entire collection of gods,
he said impressively: "Goddeys
no goodee lumatlism, drivee
| lumatlism uppee, CONNIE me, and the
man and bis friend ''commeed." They went
around back street and up three flights Of
stairs, into room SO small that IL would
seem impossible for cat TO be swung, let
alone a god.
THE JOSS OF RHEUMATISM.
There was joss here, however, black
| joss with reddish WHISPERS and a sardonio
| smile. There was an attendant also, and
the attendant could only talk Chinese. He
could talk this. though, at a good, steady
| trot He smiled cheerfully, and gave the
man ana his friend some tea. The guide
| then explained the object of the visit in ex-
oellent Chinese. At any rate the man
takes 1t for granted that 1t was excellent
| Chinese. The attendant followed in a
| 5-minute speech in the same language and
then the guide smiled and nodded cheerfully,
| as much as to say: 1--WE are all right.
| We have struck the especial deity that
can knock rheumatism higher than a kite"
| The attendant then knelt before the joss
| and prayed. He prayed vigorously and oc-
/ " r0Vnal q haad a0ainEt eha floor
| which must have been painful. His inter
! view, however, seemed TO have been salts
factory, for he went behind the joss and
pulled out broad drawer, on which was
| spread thin layer of white sand. In his
hands he held the handles Of wooden in
strument, which ended in peg resting on
the sand. A rapJ look come over his face
and peg began to move, describing courses
and lines all over the white surface.
THE UNINIELLIGIBLE PRESCRIPTION.
The Chinese gentleman who had brought
| the party in smiled more cheerfully than
| ever and explained, "Godde lite" After
the god had written all over the sand the
attendant who had kindly held the pen got
| out his own writing materials and wrote
two wash bills, at least that is what they
| looked to the man who had never
seen any other class of Chinese literature.
! They were written with stick on red
| paper and resembled the tracks of number
| OF insane flies Just after emerging from
bath in an Ink we'll The guide. however,
explained the Inscriptions. One, be said,
was the description which the joss gave
| of the trouble with which the man was
suffering, and the other was a pre-
scription which could be filed at the drug
store around the corner. After drinking
| some more tea with the gentemanly
heather who had such familiar intercourse
with the gods the party adjourned to the
| drug store The owner of the drug store
was a stout Chinaman, and he and his four
clerks were eating dinner in the space in
| front of the counter. They we're all eating
out of the same dish, and it was not a
pretty dish, either. They all went to work
on tue prescription and pretty soon the
counter was covered with queer-looking
drugs The prescription consisted OF nine
different ingredients and made big bundle.
/ 1t was with relief that the man found that
| the affair was for outward application and
| not for inward consumption.
THE TRANSLATION.
! The next day the mans friend had the
| Chinese inscriptions translated by Chinese
/ gentleman on whom he could rely. The
| mans friend said the translator was an
/ opium dealer aud was therefore thoroughly
/ reliable. You must commence to
! read Chinese letters up in the upper right
] 10 a