The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-04-27
IF HE WERE A WOMAN.
Rules of Living for the Wife as Laid Down
by the Husband.

Rules OF Living for the Wife as Laid Down
by the Husband.
If you were to ask ten men what
they would do if they were all women,
nine out of ten would tell you some
thing like the following, says the N. Y.
Recorder Afterward the tenth man
would sign his name to it. Agreed to
by nine men:
am a man fortunately, but if ]
were woman, l would institute the
following reforms in my feminine ca
reer.
1. l would see that my husbands
pipe and slippers were to be found at
night exactly where he left them in the
morning; likewise his blacking-brush
and receipts.
2. would never pose as a martyr
because the male members OF the FAM
lily were occasionally late at dinner.
3. would never look as though
were suffering from indigestion simply
because male members of the family
stayed out late at night, and then
make irrelevant observations.
4. would never utter disagreeable
remarks regarding habits of drinking
and smoking to make sensitive male
members of the family feel uncomfort-
able.
5. I would never be on unfriend1y
terms with my servant thereby en-
couraging her to take French leave
By dint of discretion, policy, and an
amiable disposition a servant should
always be in her place to promote gen
eral comfort.
xUnu11 Toll ,0aoy11a hovU M n oI
l had to do, and l wouldn't chase
around the house doing the thousand
useless things which woman does.
z. l would never take more than a
usual amount of pains to hide the but
ton hooks the clothes brush or the
morning paper.
8. l would add to the culinary de
partment various clever inventions
know of, and not evince such preju
| dice about every way of doing which
was not the way my great grandmoth
er did 100 years ago.
9. would have the house run by
such system that l would never lift ny
finger, and no one would be suspicious
of when the work was perform
ed. 1 would never have sweeping day
or washing day or house cleaning
time.
10. would never cook cabbage
ham, fritters, or onions within the sa
cred home precincts.
II. l would not allow the cook t.
burn so much fuel, and 1 would keel
the kindling wood under lock ant
key.
II. would have the coffee Away
| strong, clear, and aromatic, and
would never buy meat which consisted
chiefly of bone, muscle, fat or fiber.
13. would have eggs done to a turl
in exactly three minutes by the clocl
and not have the shells SO hot that n
man on earth could open them.
IA. l would never take advantage o
the graveyard hours of the night to g
through my husbands pockets TO
small change.
Is. would never ask clerk to tax
down every bolt of cloth in the store il
order to select two yards of cloth TO
an apron.
16. l would never allow church sc
cieties, missionary enterprises, literar.
clubs and other foolish feminine OF
CARNATIONS to interfere with the do
mestic diversions of mending, patch
| Ing, QdT0lU0, anu Lie ike.
II. 1 wouldn't hamper the mind of
busy man with mailing unimportan
| letters to feminine correspondents i
obscure sections of the country, AM
then create an unnecessary family dis
turbance on finding them week or S
thereafter in his coat pocket han gin
safely in the closet.
19. l wouldn't be dog in the mans
er and object to a mans going to
theater because l had to remain a
home myself on my baby's account.
10. | would wind my watch.
would get my baby in the habit {
sleeping at night, and l wouldn't loo
sad and red-eyed at every change c
season when I couldn't buy ne
bonnet.
20 I wouldn't berate dressmake
whom I had paid $40 to ruin me-
gown.
81. I wouldn't use my lap for
writing desk and criss-cross the line
four times on one sheet, so that no on
but woman could read it.
%. l wouldn't put pins in my be
nor pin the buttons on my shoes.
%. / wouldn't give man pair {
NG1NcG 4oC
sizes too large for him and then fe,
offended when he would not9>wes
them.
"a. 1 wouldn't give my husba nd
smoking cap and $45 cigar set for
Christmas present and then make il
consistent remarks all the next yea
about the extravaganza of men.
%. I wouldn't buy my husband
Christmas present and then expe
him to pay the bill.
26. l wouldn't quarrel with my lad
friends in the horse-car about WI
should pay the car fare. 1 wou
peaceably allow the other woman
pay.
81. I wouldn't trade off my hu
bands last seasons clothing for bri
a-brac and then pretend l didn't kno
what had become of it.
%. l would not put tides on d
chairs nor hang match receiver on Il
chandelier.
80. would cultivate an amiab
disposition, never have headache
take a nap every afternoon, brid
my tongue, and, above all, never d
sire to have the last word.
80. would, in short, endeavor 6
ways to make the lives of male men
bers of the family as felicitous and fir
from care as possible.
:. Signed by the tenth man.