Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1892-10-26
SOME FOOLS.
The Rev. Pink PUNK Discourses on the
Weakness of Humanity.

Weakness OF Humanity.
Brother Pink PUNK has gone in for
the popular "sermonette" or prelude"
idea. Before delivering his usual ex-
hortation to sinners last Sunday morn.
ing he gave his congregation the benefit
of his observations and cogitations con
corning fools. This is what he said:
"De longer | lib, deah breddern, de
more | wonder at de number OBJ fools
dere are in de world, an de astonishin
part OBJ it is dat de world gifts along so
we'll considerin de number OBJ fools dat
inhabit it.
"Some people are born fools, some git
foolish after they've been on earth a
while, an some wait until they're old
enough to know better, an when sensi
BILE people see dem dey laff inside and
remahk to one anudder, 'Dere amt no
fool like an ole fool, an the ole fool laffs
too and links he's the wisest pusson in
the hull universe.
Almost eberybody is a fool on some
particular subjeck, deah breddern. A
man may be puffeckly sane on ebry.
ting but his one hobby, an he's jist as
foolish in regard to dat as de mos vio-
lent maniac in Bloomingdale or Black.
wells island is in regahd to eberyting in
gen'ral.
"Dey is de reckless fool, deah bred.
dern. He's de man dat didn't know Il
was loaded until it went off suddenly
an landed somebody else in kingdom
come. He's de fool dat jumps off high
bridges on bet an usually comes TO de
surface oh de ribber in a condishun
a good fat fee an allows de local papers
to print sensashunal headlines. Hes de
lunatic dat jumps from balloon into
parachute an subsequently forms an in.
terestin puzzle for de doctors to patch
togedder so dat his corpse kin be ider.
titled an shipped home to his friends.
He's de ijit dat steps out OBJ de way OBJ
railroad train an gifts hit by de lightnin
express comm down de udder track.
He's de fool dat blows out de gas
on de occasion OBJ his first ian LAST
visit to de city. He's de jackass dat
drinks poison for whisky by mistaken
de bottles in de dahk He's de fool dat
monkeys wild de buzz saw, wen it's
goin full speed, dat NEEDLES wild live
electric wires, dat does t'ousan an one
things dat he wouldn't do eff he only
want fool.
"De man dat writes letters to de news
papers is still anudder variety, dear
breddern, an one Of de kline OATS amusin
as well as foolish. He takes up de
space in de paper dat de hahd workin
space reporter has bin crowded out ob.
an gin'rally succeeds in shown in his
long, tejus letter how much he don't
know about t'ings in ginral, an de sub
jock he's writin about in particular; he's
a wuss nuisance dan de spring poet, be-
cuz he prevails de hull year roun, vile
de poet only blooms in de spring.
"For fear de women folks may feel
sighted I'll conclude by enumeratin a
few OBJ de most noticeable fools of de
(sometimes) gentler sex.
"De auction fool-de woman dat buys
secondhand things at auctions dat she
could buy new for half de money.
"De bargain huntin fool dat spen's a
hull day an dollar an half for car
fare n lunch tryin to buy somet'n for
ffty-nine cents dat she cud have bought
for sixty half block from her own
door,
"De giddy fool-de forty-fve-year-old
woman, wild crows feet and wrinkles.
dat links she's just as young as she was
twenty-five years ago.
"De pretty fool-de young woman
OATS nebber happy unless some one is
tellin her she looks simply angelic or
out OBJ sight, and dat only has brains
enuff to keep her hair in curl an her
smile fixed SO dat her dimples'll show
to de best advantage.
Debut why perceed wild de endless
list, dear breddern? You all know de
different ones as well as | do, an per-
haps good deal better, for dat matter
Shakespeare said good many wise
tings, deah breddern, but he never con.
centrated so much wisdom in a few
words as wen he said, 'Wot fools desc
mortals be. New York Herald