davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26
"a LILLE NONSENSE"

-Wickars-"I don't believe there Is
much difference between genius and In
sanity" Vickars-'O. yes there X; o
heap. The lunatic Is sure of his board
and clothes. indianapolis Journal.
Merchant Ito applicant for position
Of bookkeeper)--"Are you good at fig
ures?' Applicant-''Well, ought to
be; kept books in a dressmaking es-
Enlistment for five years Detroit
Free Press.
-Carruthcrs-"I hear that Mr.. Pruyn
was unable to set Towser on You. !"
Waite-"Yes, the dog had fellow feel
ing for me. You see, the old man hal
done some kicking in that quarter,
too Truth.
How do stand with your father?'
he asked. 81 don't think, George" size
ans vered after some thought, ''that
you had better stand at all when you
are with father You had better run. =
Washington Post
-Benedick l lost my fort
une there was nothing regretted SO
much as that could not afford to
keep my excellent cook any longer"
"And what did you dor " married
her, "-Fliegende Batter.
-Extenuating Circumstances Judge
You claim, sir, that you are not a
professional thief; then why did you
steal this lady's locket Are you q
kleptomaniac?" Prisoner-"No, your
honor. but am susceptible to female
charms"
Physician Ito hospital nurse)-
"You will see. II you please, that the
patient is given the medicine exactly
as prescribed" Sick Man formerly
from Boston, fcebly)-sIf you have no
objection, doctor. greatly prefer that
the medicine should be given the pa
tent That Is the correct form Chi
cago Tribune
Going 1t Blind. Mrs. Henpccker
with terrible majesiy)--"What arc
you fumbling so long for ~ that key
hole?' Mr.. Henpecker (trembling ia
every limb My love. you know /
can't see without my glasses /" Mrs.
Henpecker--sG lassesl You've had
enough glasses to see twenty key
holes Fun
AN Easy Way. brown ibid you
take any holiday this year, Jonesav
Jones--.Y Of course Brown
"How did you manage your business
while you were away?" Joness'O oh.
just took my advertisement outof the
papers until l returned, 20 there WIS
no business to manage Capital idea,
wasn't it?'' It'd Bits
Too Late. ~ Guest - Can't you give
me anything lower than the fourth
foor?" Proprietor Of Hotel No. sir;
that's the best We can do Gnest--
"But your clerk told me Ne thought
you had whole suite on tho second
door.n Proprie tor We did. III; but
I'm sorry to say that 4 hes just been
taken BY tho hotel lannarymV, q
ciothier and ? urnishes
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26

dense Jungle near military village in
the hill country. Our Hindoo servants
soon made u, very much at home. 1t
was wonderful to see how they trans
ported every necessary, luxury, and, as
if by magic, raised tents furnished with
carpets, tables, chairs, books and even
bird cage.
Early one morning as we were lin
gering over our "chota haziri," or
little eakfast,." always taken in
India on rising, and speaking of the
noises made by the wild animals during
the night, my attention was attracted
by great chattering of wild monkeys
in the dense jungle close by. At that
instant a native came running into the
tent in state of great excitement,
salaaming, but waiting for us to speak.
80 "Kya chahte hop" ("What do you
want?") Mr.. Norton asked.
"Sahib, plenty big tiger near by.
Many men see him. He is hiding near
the nala."
We held our breath for an instant,
then the blood seemed to leap faster
through our veins. A tiger SO near!
The nala or stream of water, was but
ten rods from our tent.
Mr.. Norton turned to us. Ladies,
would you like to go on tiger hunt?"
Yes, indeed" we quickly answered,
''if it is not too dangerous"
Never fear; we wfllta good care
of you."
A Hindoo doctor from the village
hospital rushed up at that moment and
confirmed the news in broken English.
big baghow he IS, much man-eater
tiger in jungle. Yes'day one child
taken, last moon seven men. Come
thesralso, sahib, with u.s."
Immediately we made preparations
for the hunt We put on leather belts,
well filed with cartridges, selected
Martini rifles, put on pith hats with
turbans over them and moved off to
the da wa khana Here we found a
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26
rhe Danger OF . Little Learning.

Teacher-Why. Freddy, how did you
get those black and blue welts on your
arm?
SchoIar-Them your FAULT, teacheri
Teacher-My fault! What do you
mean?
Scholar (sobbing reminiscently)-
Why, YOU told me it was poor rule
that didn't work both ways, So when
| went home l took pas new two-foot
rule that doubles up on hinge and
bent it back till II worked both ways,
and then pa said I'd broken the joints,
and he went AVID got his razor 7strop. ]
think il was q mean trick to play on .
! Teller, - Bant or of Gold,
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26
In A TIGER HUNT.
A Terrible Battle with a Ferocioue
ManrEater.

Y March. 1880, l
W as travelling
in India, our
p ar y consist
ing Of three Ia
dies and one
gentleman. We
decided to camp
and live quiet
ly, spending our
time gathering
o re h i d $ and
o tn err botani-
cal specimens.
We there fore
pit c h ed our
tents in a small
clearing on the
k-1sA - Al
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26
THE GROOM FooTs THE BILLS.


1t Costs Money to Marry One Of MexIco's
senoritas
Marriage in Mexico is attended by
preliminaries which might well cause
a single man to mark the country down
there as a good one not to visit. A
diamond ring by way of token of en-
gagement gold band signifying mar
riage, are matters custom exacts of the
matrimonially inclined American, but
that Hymen should tax the bachelors
purse for such mysteries as make up
his brides trousseau is too much. Yet
that he does in the land of the cactus
is a solemn, gruesome fact that Mr..
Theodore w. Parvin will vouch for.
I'm Mexico" Mr. Parvin justly OBJ
serves, they have some peculiar Gus
toms in regard to marriage. The
groom provides the b.ide's trousseau
to the minutest particular He buys
every bit Of it; every stocking, hairpin,
pair of garters, every thing il fact.
my wife did not wear or even bring
from Mexico single thing that she
had ever worn before. not even her
jewelry, to some of which she had be-
come greatly attached. ] knew that it
was Incumbent on me to make the
purchases, but didn't know how to
go about that part of the marriage
preparation. and went to my wife's
mother and confessed. You see, it is
also the custom for the mothers of the
contracting parties 10 do the shopping
together. My wife's. mother pleaded
ignorance of American styles and the
requirements of this climate, SO / in
duced two American ladies to buy
everything and I meekly followe d
around and paid the bills"
But there are other curious incidents
attendant upon high class Mexican
wedding. "The marriage festivities
are very elaborate" says Mr. Parvin,
everybody drinks aud has good time
for three or four days The invitations
to the wedding would seem odd to an
American. Here is one sent out by my
wife's people;
''This invitation is neatly engraved
and states, in Spanish, that The GEN.
eral, Manuel Sanchez River, and Sole
dad Barrigan OF Sanchez Rivera invite
you to the marriage OF their daughter,
Josefine. :. at this your home. etc.
Mr. Parvin smiled in superior way
and said in explanation: "rhe Mex
lean never invites you to his home,
but pretending that it is yours. Graves
always the honor of meeting you
there"
Women of this country who mnst
fain content themselves with being
Daughters Of Rebekah will be envious
when they learn through Mr.. Parvin
that in Mexico women may join the
Masonic order as well as men. He said
yesterday: my wife belongs to the
order, and her father is thirty-third
degree Mason" II,
Mr. Parvin says that it is but seldom
that an American, be he ever so rich,
wins an introduction into Mexican So
ciety. There is no middle class In
Mexico" he says, and there Is as
broad distinction between the better
class Of Mexicans aud the lower class
as there is between the best white peo-
pie III this country and the negroes II
Is very rare thing, indeed, for an
American to obtain entrance t. the
houses Of tho best people. - Kansss
City Times
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26

1T Is the ficl<Ieness Of the contralto
which compsls the quartet choir TO
make chaagn Of base. = EImira Ga,
fette
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26
"A MODERN MALAPRoP.
Big Words. Their Use and Their MIsu
and Abuse.

Big Words. Their Use and Their Misuse
and Abuse.
This man believed firmly that all the
big words he used were eminently
proper No amount of persuasion
could convince him otherwise. No
proof could be produced Strong enough
to make him waver one jot or title
from the belief that what he said was
precisely as it should be.
He gloried in the belief that in his
circle OF acquaintance he alone knc W
the meaning of big words, their posi-
ton and their full significance, and he
always pulled off his jacket and
snickered down a sleeve whenever he
was called down" after bad break
that was especially attractive aud ag-
gravating
~ congratulate you most sincerely"
he said, ION the death Of your relative.
1t is sad indeed to see the young cut
down in the hexagoa of life, but one
cannot always foreshadow the coming
of the grimy mons ter"
And yet he could not see why the
man he wanted to condole seemed sur
prised and even shocked.
II have just come from looking at
those oxydized men at tho museum, :"
he said one day, ''and they are
wonders One of them can play Sweet
Home like the Dickens.
On another occasion he was asked to
accommodate a couple of travellers for
few days at his home:
I'VE are rather over-crowded," he
said, "but L resume that we can ac-
cumulate them all right if they are not
too precipitate."
But he, blissfully ignorant stumbes
along, and glories in his crimes against
words and their meanings. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
The Gulf OF Georgia is reported to
be almost eholSed with large schools of
herring The Washington and British
Columbian fishermen are catching the
fish by the ton with no trouble what.
ever, and are making good money by
packing them for shipment east A
very remarkable and beautiful sight ii
is said, is to be seen at night from the
deck of S eamboat The vessel seems
TO be floating on behring's and the fish
dart away from the bows in thousands.
leaving phosphorcsccn wakes like the
flashing of countless meteors.
On every horse will be found. on
the inside of each foreleg, a dry, gray
wart about the size of silver dollar.
When the weary, overtaxed animal
sweating at every p re and covered
with foam, can reach down and rub
with his wet nose this always dry. hard
substance, he is instantly refreshed
with an odor like geranium.
Bookkeeper-.I would like to have
this afternoon of, IL you please" Senior
Partner--ssWnat is the matter. Mr..
Penn?" Bookke per- wish to a.
tend my wife's funeral. feel that Il
Is something ! ought TO attend to per
sopally Epoch. NJ
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-05-26

Bookkeeper-"T would like to have
this afternoon of. IL you please" Senior
Partner--ssWnat is the matter. Mr..
PENN" Bookke per- wish to az
tend my wife's funeral. feel that Il
Is something ought to attend to per
sopally."-Epoch. N
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
General Butler and the Chief Justice.

One day shortly before my Charlestown
case came up l was going down in the cars
from Lowell to Boston, and at the request
of merchant friend of mine 1 was taking
down my dog to leave with him. The
smoking car was always a sort of exchange
as we went down. had no sooner entered
the car with the dog behind me than l was
saluted with:
Hello, hello, Butler; where are you
going this morning."
Down to the supreme court, gentlemen"
as that your dog?"
"Yes"
"What are you taking him down to court
for?"
"Oh," seid. 81 thought I would show
him to the chief justice SO as to teach him
to growl."
Shortly afterward the Charlestown case
was tried and decided upon every point in
my behalf, the chief justice delivering the
opinion, and it was so conclusive that it
put off the annexation OF Charlestown to
Boston for twenty years.
Shortly after this l called in the course
of business into the consultation room,
where sat the chief justice alone. and after
the usual salutation he began, well, Mr..
Butler, you won your Charlestown case?"
oh" l said, thanks, Mr.. Chief JUS
tice; l am exceedingly obliged TO you for
giving me that case"
We'll, then, Mr. Butler, 1 take it you
have no fault 70 find with that last growi
of the chief justice memoirs of General
B. E. Butler.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
How Directors Are Paid.

The fees that directors of business cor
poratiOns receive range from five to fifteen
dollars for attendance at each meeting. 1t
is a fact not generally known that there
are some men in the town who enjoy very
handsome incomes from this source alone
OF course they are men of wealth and high
business standing, whose reputation for
financial skill and probity makes them
eagerly sought for as directors. Cornelius
Vanderbilt, John d. Rockefeller or J.
Pierpont Morgan, for instance, would be
welcomed in the directory of any business
corporation.
Samuel D. Babcock, ex-president of the
chamber of commerce. has the reputation
of being director in more concerns than
any other man in New York Russell
Sage is not far behind him. Mr. Jay Gould
might also be multifarious director, but
of late years he has given the greater part
of his time and attention TO corporations
which he practically controls. The presi-
dent of one of the largest banks in this
city said the other day that, although he
was a director in comparatively few cor
porations, his fees amounted to s., 900 last
year.
II know one man. said he, "whose in
come from directors fees alone ranges from
IS, 900 to $4,000 year" Nearly all of the
great financial concerns pay their directors
ten dollars each for every meeting they at
tend. The money isusually paid in gold,
and is handed to the director as soon as he
enters the board room. In some cases the
custom prevails of making pool at each
meeting, which is divided among the
directors in attendance. Where there are
fifteen members of board of directors $3.50
in ten dollar gold pieces or crisp, new notes
is placed on plate in the center of the
directors table, and the members who are
present when the meeting is called to or
der at once divide up the amount If there
are but five members they each take thirty
dollars from the plate. This method stim-
ulates promptness in attending the meet
ings.-New York Times
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30

When Baoy vas sick, Ne gave her CaStoria-
Nher she was a Child. she cried for Castorsa-
when she became Miss, she chung 10 Castoria-
Nhen sine had Children. she gave them CastoEi0
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30

as he sprang INTO the mole the door closed
noiselessly after him. A tremor ran
through the slender form l was supporting
with my arm. / glanced at Mollie, whose
eyes had followed my own, and-would
you believe it?-she was laughing.
At this moment there was laundering
knock at the door. Stepping quietly up,
but making no motion TO draw the bar,
the landlord asked, What do yer want,
boys:"
A volley Of shots was the reply, and then
a voice shouted, "Open up if yer don't
want to get scorchin," this interlarded
with epithets more forcible than polite.
Before | fairly knew what she was about
Mollie sprang from my side, and fearlessly
drawing the great bar stood alone upon
the threshold. Maxwell stepped forward
as if to protect her, but she waved him
back. Gentlemen" she said calmly, 81
have a few friends here tonight, and the
hotel is full. Will you be so kind as to go
away quietly?"
There was a moments silence, then q
shout, but every man Of them faced about
and marched, leaving pretty Mollie with
flushed cheeks mistress Of the situation.
In the confusion that ensued Shaw crept
out OF the cellar, and think no one but
myself and Mollie noticed his hasty exit.
Once more the fiddle sounded, once more
we took our places, and nothing occurred
to further mar the evenings enjoyment.
When Shaw, little later, claimed Mol
lies hand for promised dance, she bent
on him such a look of scorn and contempt
that the few words she added were not
needed tc complete his utter confusion.
There was vacant place at the table set
for four next morning-we had seen the
last of Shaw.
With my hated rival retired from the
field l now felt confidant that l should
eventually win Mollie and redou bled my
attentions accordingly. A week after the
eventful ball l sailed forth one afternoon
when work was dull, shotgun in hand,
bent on rabbit stew. Unconsciously took
the path to the Armchair, our old time rem
devious.
Rabbits were not plentiful that day, and
so busily occupied was in castle building
that before l was aware of it | stumbled
upon scene not intended for the eyes of q
third person. A ju1ting corner of rock hid
me from view, and think was justified
in lingering for second glance. There in
the chair sat Miss Mollie, her arms twined
about the neck of Maxwell, who was kneel-
ing at her feet.
Even in my dazed condition I recognized
the propriety of getting away, and without
waiting to secure the rabbit stew l rushed
back to the station and telegraphed my
resignation. There was moment of en-
barrassment as we met at the table that
night, then Maxwell stepped forward and
said, Congratulate me, Baxter; Mollie
and are going to the parson next Sunday"
j. T. G. in San Francisco Chronicle.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
> SICK so LONG. 9

e SICK 50 LONU. -
.A@e sz1~
EZszssssaakzZza5
| C. ". HoDKINs, Postmaster at East
Lamoine Ne, writes that Mrs. Keliy's
son, who had been confined to bed four
teen months with an Abscess, has been
cured sound and well by Swift's Spe-
scifc The boy is fourteen years old,
lives next door to me, and know the
statement to be true.
s. S. S. has a wonderful effect on
children, and should be given to every
weak and debilitated child. Send for
our book on the Blood and Skin.
SWIFT SPECIFIC Co., Atlanta, Ga. 4
E1KzznsxEzssA
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
FROM THE.PACIFIC JOURNAL"
"A great invention has been made by DIR.
Tut. That eminent chemist has produced
TUFTS Hair Dve
which initiates nature to perfection; i acts
simultaneously and is perfectly harmless"
Price. 81. Office. SO Is Al Park Place, NJ Y.
Electricity ON Canal Boats.

Electricity is the proper motive power
for canal boats. The OLD fashioned method
of drawing boats by horse power is slow,
inconvenient, costly and incapable of fur
Their developments. Many attempts have
been made 10 introduce steam propulsion.
but none of them have been more than
moderately successful. The Belgian cable
system is clumsy, and it offers no advan-
tages that would compensate for the cost
of its Introduction. In applying electric
power lies the true key to the problem. 1t
would be an easy task to construct a trolley
system along each bank of the canal ard
supply ample power 70 boats.-New York
Telegram.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
A CompIet. Modern PLAYHOUSE.

A new theater was opened in Cleveland
. few days ago-the largest and baudsOm-
est in the city. 1t has frontage On st.
Clair street of sixty six feet and on Bright
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
he LAST DECADE.

When murky clouds that pail summer day
DO, ere its close, dissolve and drift away,
What joyous smiles break Ger the sunht plain
How stirs the dormant pulse OF life again
And in the afterglow OF fading light
There breathes = promise OF = morrow bright;
50 81 this centurys eveucide-wncse years
Vain hopes have wrought to merge II darker
Ing fears
Doth man rejoice; for from rIfted west
Assuring rays beam cross his weary guest
Dull. leaden skies now change TO gladeening
hues;
The waiting heart its cherished song reners;
That song divine,-not less ia power than
when
Twas first heard-"Peace On earth. good vii
10 men
-Guhert : Fletcher u Nev Nation
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
oljllIiI Eagle
MY Old SHIPPERS.

Dear are Nantucket's sands TO me,
Its wrinkled sands, and brown;
Dear are the open sea sprayed n1oors
That skirt the dear old town.
But dearer far It's shippers are,
The shippers whom | sing;
And to me more than moor or shore
The mornings where they ckihg.
When rounding Brant POINT on the right
You come upon the town,
Ny shippers. too, loom into view,
sun dried and scanned and brown.
You zee them sitting on the wharf,
Where they last summer sat,
The good old wharf that berths alike
The seadog and his cat.
Oft in that cat, with sheet hauled fat,
'Adzooks! I've sailed the rips,
While Obed rolled his ouid ard told
What he had seen in ships;
OF flying fish that came at night
And roasted IN the tops;
OF chariot wheels that foul the fukes
When down an anchor drops.
Though Fed the sea where this should be,
The Black he oft would name;
And If yoB doubted but the wheel,
Up PhaTaoh's chariot came!
He told US, TOO, how cannibals
Would w&yer and retreat,
II he but showed his pictured arm,
And their tattoo was beatl
The wind the while was dead ahead.
But right into its eye
Good 0bed talked, | mean he steered.
AS straight as he could lie.
All vain To praise the paths of truth
And show the happy goal
To him whose heaven 'Sconset was
And SheOl but shoal.
Becalmed, with reminiscent breath
They fill their threadbare sails,
And on the wharf of afternoons
They speak of gales and whales;
How on some ground just off Japan
They grappled with typhoons,
Or in the life of great sperm whales
Drove deep their red barpoons.
All. me! the lettering winters come,
The swift winged summers go;
One season came with joy and guests,
But found not Captain Joe!
And now. with apprehensive glance,
Iquestion wharf and wave;
A boat swings idly to its chain.
But where is Captain DaYe2
Is il that in yon blue above
These missing seamen sail?
And manning Argo in the skies
Strike they the starry Whale9
For me it were no sorry fate,
Free from all MOL below,
To cruise in some celestial craft
With Captain Dave or joel
The hsrbor light burns clear and bright,
But past its rudy glare
Do sails still glide TO seas outside
And no wave tell us where?
Still as of yore stretch moor and shore,
And still sail the rips;
But where are they, these shippers gray,
Who sailed not hence in ships?
Charles Henry Webb in Century.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-04-30
SCALE BOOKS!
THREE FORMS
STANDARD,
HOWE AND
FAIRBANKS!
when ordering state WHAT iorm II
WAutsd,
Catcher Sam NJ. DUNCAN.

Captain Arson, who is always on the
lookout for rising talent in the baseball
profession, showed his usual clearsighted-
ness when he induced Samuel Morrison
DUNCAN to sign a Chicago contract for
1892. DUNCAN, who was born at Ferndale,
Humboldt county, Cal, July %, 1866, is a
splendid specimen of athletic manhood.
He is nearly six feet tall and weighs Isl
pounds. He began playing ball at an
early age, and was soon recognized as one
of the best players among the many prom
Using amateurs on the Pacific coast.
In 1890 he began his experience as a pro
fessional in the Oakland team of the
California league He showed up wei