The Wilmington daily Republican., 1892-01-01
WITA "A MAGIC PEN.
A CasaaI Caller 70 whom All Styles
Were as Ore.

aAny vacancies on this papertn
This was the question prcpounded by the
long, lean, loose jointed man who casually
dropped in, walked about the room, look
ing at the maps, calendars and other things
that hung on the wall, and finally sat down
ON the edge Of chair.
"What Kind Of vacanciesf'
ANY kin ~ he rejoined. "that gives
fellow chance to climb up-something in
the writing department
"You will have to see the managing
editor"
"He isn't In. thought you might
know"
"This is the wrong room for you to strike.
But hold oni Yors ask II there are vacan-
cies. How many could you fillP"
.Most Of 'em, reckon. Say, I'd like to
show you what can do. Give me some
paper"
4 pad of "copy paper" was laid before
him.
In the course of ten or fifteen minutes he
produced the following, which he said was
not necessarily for publication. but as a
sample Of what he could do:
HOTEL DESPAIR, st. Louis, December. When
II struck this caravansary this evening regis
tered from Chicago. ! did this TO impress on
the mind of the gentleman who keeps the tav-
Iern the conviction that ! resided las we say In
!. Boston) where they know how to keep hotels
and was not a man to be imposed on end kicked
about like q common traveller.
The tavern keeper looked at my name and ad-
Aldress. Then he looked at me and sent me to q
spare. thin and tired looking room on tho top
floor. There was water pitcher, but no water.
1 said ta the gentlemanly aid-de-camp who had
= accomIanied me and cheered me on the way
Iup the Atairs that | would be obliged II he
would Turn on some water. He said he would
: and faded slowly down the stairway.
Then sat down in the gloaming and waited
: for that water. A cleaning in a small room on
= the top floor Of St. Louis hotel is the gloam-
! Iingest thing to sit down in ever experienced.
Ii would give worlds IL could blot it from my
memory.
i waited h1if an hour for that water. Then
went down to The office and told the clerk
/, wanted IL sent up light away. He promised to
attend to the matter and weat up to my room
! again, | waited another half hour e2d then
lelimbed down the stairs again and told the
clerk that II he did not send that water up in
!, 1--we minutes would hunt some other palatiai
! inn | said | was not going to speak OF the
matter again and he might consider this my
lultimRtum.
u Then he said in a commanding voice thai
was heard all over the hotel:
Front, take some kind of water up to the
~lgenteman's room. Thunder and lightning
Ican't you see he's from Chicagol"
| Though high up and somewhat exclusive as
Ia to location, my room is not "a lonely one.
have been visited this evening by twenty.
+ seven separate and distinct rats, or twenty.
seven separate and distinct times by the sams
: rat If 1t was one ho all looked alike.
have always wished could have been OF
hand when my old friend Noah took the ami
mails into the ark.
e should have used every honorable means te
:. persuade him not to let any kind of rat or any
relative of the rat family come on board.
should have said:
/; Noah, II you knew as much about rats as
Il do you wouldn't take one of them on this she
4 hant for double first class passage rates pait
& IN advance. You'd keep every one OF them of
! II you had to hire a mate from a Mississippi
I, river steamboat TO stand at tile gangway witt
g Ia club and swear at them. You want to star
m this excursion with the good will of tn,
: workingmen. don't you, Noah? Then don't lie
r this be a rat ark"
RI But Noah has been dead these thousands o
e years, and hero | am, still lingering on th
y shores of time, a lone, detected pilgrim will
spectacles and a hollow cough
You can't tell anything about mans chance
for the kingdom of glory, however, by listen
ing to his cough. cough Is one of the mos
= -Ideceptivo things on earth. have known man!
"a rich but frugal man with a hollow cough Il
attend the funerals OF healthy looking but poo
relations one after another, who had beeI
: forty years to sec that hollow cough get in it
work on him.
= There is nothing more unutterably sad thal
;, 10 see rich man with hollow cough at tn
= funeral of Il poor relative that has died Of pre-
mature old age and yearning.
Il could turn out that kind Of literatur
all day." said the strange visitor. "Yol
n aever saw me in the act of initiating TIL
elt4Iitor of the Atchison Globe grinding ou
III Oh, I 4 IL
Then he assumed u severely cynical eS
II preston and wrote what follows:
When man begins to feel old ho simpl
] doesn't tell his age. When II woman begins I
feel old she merely lies about it.
The man who never makes a confidant @
D. anybody is the only man whom you shout
~ ~ make your coniidant.
!, II tho women of this country were to be sud
Idnnly afflicted with stiff necks so they couldn
urn their heads when they passed each uthe
ion the streets, all the dry goods merchant
n from Portland to Galveston would go int
~ bankruptcy in less than six weeks.
ati An Atchson young woman who is threatene
With lockiaw has asked her friends to pr.
Il hat the visitation may be ayerted Her friend
ire in quandary.
The dog is mans faithful friend bacaus
: there is good deal of the dog in most mem
% % Here is about the style In which tn
i. young man who writes history for thu Ne,
VI York Weekly goes to work"
i i. With these words he went to work agar
with this result;
2 Mrs. De Style tanxiously>-Doctor.d do 70
6 think dear little Fido is quite well2
I. !: Fashionable Doctor tcoldly,-I am not a do
IA doctor. madam, but am unable to SEQ tha
10 anything ails the animal.
eyi Mrs. De style doyfullyt-Then, doctor, wi
YOU please go and look at the children9 III
n nurse says they don't seem To be very we'll tn
=. morning.
v. And this Is about the style Of the II
dianapolis Journal. Watch me-"
After an effort of some minutes he turne
= out this:
n. Yabsley- Wickwire, ] don't suppose 70
re know the Bickerdykes, Mt the other end Of til
avenue They ara very swell and exclusive
: I've got an invitation to attend grand part
ck thore next Thursday night, but | don't kno
Is whether to go or not. 1 hate to wasts I'll
~ time.
- wickwire-Bettcr go, Yabsley. If were
your place wouldn't miss any chance to e,
INTO good society.
= And call that pretty good one" /
u TIadded. Now I'm going to attempt a
70 = limitation of the New York Suns Phi