The record-union., 1892-01-23
LIVELY JOE BINKS.
'Squink Tells About Another of His
Very Dear Friends.
This One was Combination of Cyclone
and Earthquake-Brewin Trouble
Was His Speciality.

The liveliest person over our way was
Joe Binks, and he was absolutely out of
his sphere.
None Of our quiet, easy-going, unfor-
tunate citizens liked to have him, but he
came to town when even he had been away
from it long enough to take US by sur
prise. When Joe came it was revolu-
don, something like a compound of cy-
clone and earthquake in a cemetery. He
vas serene enough in appearance, and
during the most exciting moments he
could appear lamb-like and innocent, but
over our way we never judge by appear
anees any more. The ugIiest looking
resident we had joined the church, when
t was first organized, while our esteemed
and sanctimonious minister absconded
With various funds, donated for charity,
and the weakest-minded girl in town.
zoe met him somewhere, however, and
brought back the money and spent it
Freely.
never could figure out how it was, or
Why 1t should be, but about the time Joe
approached activity and trouble began,
and at such times we had little of every
hing, from a dog-fght TO thunder and
lightning. AT other times our town was
he most peaceful and inane village in
he State, or anywhere else. In summer
our most af1uent and dignlhed citizens
Sat around in the shade and talked about
Kings they could only approach by guess
:nG at In winter they sat around the
stove and continued the conversation.
1t is a wonder how much they found TO
say, with so vacuous a repertory; but this
s notable human trait; and 1t has also
Deen observed in Cinnamon. / have no
iced in this connection, too, that our
most gifted orators and thunderous
statesmen, with leather lungs, always get
She floor and keep it, and are capable OF
falking with remarkable elegance, per-
&Istence and dexterity. If anyone wants
20 say anything, they have no Oppor-
unity, or If they have they can't say it.
used to try to get the floor and say
lew words to an audience, but l diScoV-
cred that there is not much harmony be-
1ween wisdom and oratory. In my ana
tomical Investigations, | find the tongue
uns down the throat and has no particu-
-arly conspicuous connection with the
rain. / think If l could saw the top off
of a good orator, just above his eyes, and
ret him 10 take a cocktail, he would be all
light. If | could find out definitely who
wrote Cicero's orations / would like it. /
would like to write up a neglected
Ioman's autobiography. If l had Mark
antony l would like TO load him with
line shot, for snipe, and run this coun-
=
he acoustics of some of our temples
would be discomposed and the American
party be heard from. All the chance l
nave 10 WELD my influence is through
the newspapers, and then 1 have to pay by
ghecolumn or buy the paper.
When Binlls came into town every body
ased to regret it. The populations Of
quiet towns like ours don't like to be dis
lurbed. They don't want anything to
lranspire. If they could stop everything
rom happening they would do it, if they
had TO get up before breakfast. Beside
zoe usually came in on horseback and las
seed dogs and things and towed them
along up street with him, and he had a
way with him. When he did get his
horse into the livery stable 1t always
licked the end out of the barn and ran
over somebody, and Joe hired all the
boys to chase the horse and arrested the
livery stable keeper and filed suits against
whoever got run over, and swore he
would blow up the town or burn it down,
snd nobody knew whether he would do
il or not, but thought he would.
[Good space here for an advertisement
Tor baking powder, absolutely, etc.
SOUINK,