Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-02-28
NOT BOMB THROWERS
But Almost as Bad Are the Cranks
Who Write to Gov. Pattison.
FREAK MISSIvES IN THE NAILS.
Premiums for Triplets, Rights Of the Hog,
Etc. Ably Discussed.
ADVICE ON POLITICS AND RELIGION
rcoRRKspoNDENcr OF THE DISPATCH,

HARRISBURG, Feb N.-Although Gov.
ernor Pattison has been in Office barely Q
year his desk and files are heaped high with
the epistles sent him by various cranks. II
is rule Of the department that every let
ter shall receive a courteous reply, but
when man desires to know why Sin all
creation the Governor allows malicious
spirits to torment him, it requires consid-
cradle ingenuity to frame proper one.
Fortunately Governor Pattison's private
secretary, Humphrey D. Tate, is . man of
resources and tact, and always manages to
say the right thing.
Among the letters recently received at
the Executive Department is the following:
simply write to you for an advice. There
Is man in New York that wants to sell me
some counterfeit money. What shall do2
I am poor, and a good Democrat, and wish
your advice. He declares 1t to be Just as
good as the Government money and offers it
cheap.
Verify it takes all kinds of people to
make world. Here, however, is q still
more unique production:
Happy Father After Doodle.
have been informed that the State Of
pennsylvania Pays a Premium on Triplet
children and as am the Father of Triplets
Three Girls Born Dec. 18th, 1880, being now
-Four and half Months old, all Eveing and
doing well and was told by ones that aught
to know that wewere entitled to Premium
of One Thousand Dollars for each child if
they Lived to be three months old and take
the Liberty to write you to learn the Facts
If what have been Told is correct please
Inform me how Shal Proceed to apply for
the same.
Here is touching appeal:
By personal interview with Grover
Cleveland, he claims he sent me o commits.
sion as postmaster, and it was KEEP from me.
This is mischief on the road, cruelty to ami
mails, breaking Of the peace and false pre-
tense. want you to see into the matter in
particulars. was examined for that Office.
I was perfectly examined in how to train
wild animals, and came out wi th the high
est honor. Try and collect the amount,
which is SS, 600. Now. will give this matter
into you hands Please tend to it and I will
give you reward. must have the money.
Please remit to me, as want to go to Wash
ington. Write soon-Quick.
Now, there is valuable hint for Mr..
Roosevelt. It seems quite appropriate
that candidate for postmaster should be
able to train wild animals. On occasions,
such knowledge would doubtless stand him
in better stead than thorough comprehen.
sion of calculus or differentiated proto-
plasm. If Mr.. Roosevelt will only view the
matter in its proper light, he will doubtless
enlarge at once the scope of the civil ser
vice examination.
A Very solicitous Woman.
Not all of the letters though, deal with
,uch commonplace topics as finance. With
nnvarying regularity appear certain epis-
les written on fine note paper and In q
woman's hand. She asks for no favors, So
icits no appointment, but sends her little
,fusive missives to instruct the Governor
n thcsolemn and responsible duties of his
'fice. This is sample of her style:
There is period In mans history when
many glowing infection is cast. To dis
embie is. Is not wise, yeti the great mind Of
With violent upheavals. Away with trivial
Methods. There is but little time to pause,
ecure the momentum of the brain, it's ade-
Iuate poise and venture to dictate as men in
he olden period were won't. The hour is
ife with discordant measures and men of
very state must once more protest against
nfamy and wrong. Seriously I write, for
ny heart is unquiet with many a destructive |
hroe. Chivalrous men exist no longer; they |
ave bartered their souls for the greed Of |
,ower.
The religious" cranks are numerous, and
everal of them are trying to impress the |
Governor with . sense of his deep respon-
ibility. That he is devout and reverent |
hurch member is matter of no import. He
5 called upon to become aggressive, and if |
eed be, to call the militia of the State to
lis aid, that the erring sons of men may be |
made to see their folly. One sample of this |
lind will suffice:
One of the Religious Cranks.
By the order of God to men Isend you this |
ew days any more for you to recognize the |
1essenger Of God, the Son Of Man, Acts iii |
nd Malachi iii, also St. Luke xiii, %, tells |
ou that there remains no chance after the |
oor is closed, and the Goth verse says to you |
he answer of the Son Of Man. If You viii |
office at your house in June, 1888. A friend |
yours said he would hand it to you. Con-
der well. SERVANT OF Gop.
There is a decidedly, pugilistic tone about
le next letter, as follows:
write to inform you that there will be |
reat trouble at Pittsburg during next May |
nd June, and warn you to prepare to meet
urselves while England and Italy attack US
ith their navies. We have been invaded |
Y an army under cover OF immigration. Be
n your guard and keep your eyes wide
Use alarm. War is coming sure and cer-
in. Don't be caught mapping. Watch,
atch, watch ALI honorably discharged
,ldiers should have an honorable service |
ension and be used as q home guard. You |
i'll need them.
Now here is q dissertation on quite
lother subject. To come from the con-
mplation Of foreign war to disserta-
on on hogs requires an elastic mind, but
-obably the Governor was equal to the
nergencyi
She Wants TO Keep q Hog.
I am an humble woman and poor. and wish
ask you If my family can secure the bene-
! of the Pennsylvania law. We have tried
get that law in motion, but cannot pro-
ire it. We have never been charged with
ly offense except keeping hog Ny hus-
'nvicted Of this charge, and it cost him
yer $500 and imprisonment for five days. |
ext door to us they keep four or six hogs
inning at large, yet my husband, who is q
fused tho right to keep hog. I only ask
at we, although poor, may have the bene- |
Of the law, which is made for all men in
It addressed you in a proper manner, as I
Ell am not learned to address you prop
ly. Hoping you will not deem it too much
reply, remain, etc.
This tale of woe e1cites ones sympathy,
t the dire suspicion will creep into the
ind that keeping hog" may be sort of
,biguous phrase after all, and that per-
ps the 'hog" which this unfortunate
nily was not allowed to stkeep," may
ce have belonged to the neighbor whose !
for keeping swine were never
sertered with. 1t looks very much as if
, ''naturalized citizen may not have :
nprehended the meaning of meum and /
Inn. =
The following is probably supposed to be ,
etry, although the meter and rhythm
ght well appal even the s'Sweet Singer of
chigan."
A Poetry Machine In Action. 9