Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-07-07
WIT AND HUMOR.


Philadelphia Press.
Sin will behave itself year to get
% have its own way an hour.-RGn' s
Horn.
Birds with bright feathers do not
always make a good potpie.-Rdn'S
Horn.
An elastic stove-pipe coupling would
10 more good than seven long SER
nons.-TeraS Sittings.
The man who was never overtakeu
oy fear" must have been mighty fast
traveller Columbus Post.
The leap-year girl ought to visit the
photographer. He'll take her readily
anough.-Binghanat0l LeGdcr.
That man reminds me of a postage
stamp" "How?" He doesn't know
when he is licked. "-Br0oLlyn Life.
Half the world doesn't know how
| the other half lives, and isn't quite
sure how it is going to get along itself
-Son1erUiHe J0urnQt
The New Minister hope YOU pray
every day to be better?" The Belle
| %, dear me, no. / am so good now
I'm bore to ny friends. Life.
A mean man will do almost anything
to beat neighbor, but you never
heard of a man mean enough to beat a
neighbours carpet Bradford Era.
Love laughs at locksmiths," she
said to him encouragingly. Eyes,
darling, know" he replied sadly, "but
not at No. IL boots. "-DetrOH Free
Press.
why do you always employ women
as typewriters?" asked Mrs. Curtain
Lecture. $50 that l can have some
one to dictate to-" replied the unhappy
MANN. Y. Press
She lin a carriage)-"An eminent
! physician objects to tennis, because it
is one-armed sport" He driving
with one hand -" Nonsense-So is car
rage riding. ~. 7. Herald.
Mr.. Highroller-"S this is the cup
that cheers but does not inebriate. !"
Miss Goodfamily-"Yes, and that is
the reason so few gentlemen know any
thing about ~ 7. Ledger.
Trayers-"I want you to come around
every week to crease my trousers, )"
Tailor When shall come around to
collect my bill?" Travers - every
| day, if you like. "-BI0c6 and White.
Give got an idea for an OPERA" said
one writer to another. something
new in the way of plot, eh?" NO;
plot be hanged. | know man who
wants to sell an elephant cheap"
Washington Star.
Housekeeper-"I don't believe you
ever did stroke of work in your life :"
Tramp-"I was six years in one place,
num-" "Indeed How did you hap
pen to leaye?" Il was pardoned out,
mum. IN. Z. Weekly.
Visitor (After the introduction)-
"Ah! You are the famous DR.. Twinly
have heard SO much about. Are you
still in active practice, doctor?" The
Rev. DR.. Twinly-"O, no; that is my
brother who practices. | preach. .
Boston Post.
Purchaser-"W What is the price of
coal now?" Dealer-Five dollars and
ton, please" "Ahem, where the coal
is weighed in the presence of the pur-
chaser we charge a dollar extra. y
WeStFet0 (E0') Le006F.
Justice Whats the charge,
officer?" O'Rourke - "Breakin' the
Sunday law, yer amer" Justice
Flynn : "How's that?" O'Rourke-
''oure, he was tryin' to git into CASH
dy's saloon by the front dure instead
Of de family entrance-"-Puck
Neighbor-Is it true that your hus-
4 4 IL
week." Mrs. Gradually and he
has resolved hereafter to lead Chris
tan life" Neigh bor-seI am delighted
to hear it. What is he going to
do with his. summer hotel?" Y
Weekly.
Sne-"Do you remember what day
this. is the anniversary OFF" He
well, should say | did" She-"I
thought you would" -"Humph!
Who could forget the day his own
house was burned?" -"George!"
He-"What2" She-"Its the day you
proposed to mel" Clears. life.
Neighbor (breathlessly)-"Oh, Mrs.
Harddluck, your little boy Johnny
found dynamite bomb and tack it
into stable downtown and broke it
with an AK and blew up the stable
and all the buildings around it." Mrs
Harddluck- Land sakes. | wonder
what that boy will be up to next. -
Good Ne2Cs.
The monograph will do real service
when it is set, chime-wise in a clock,
and sings out: eco home. Go home!"
to the too social caller. The phrase
might be embellished without limit
for subsequent rounds on the dial.
This is of urgent Importance and
should command Mr.. Edison's atten-
ton at once.-Boston Commonwealth.
Reporter-"If you will allow me to
have the sermon which you are to de-
liver Sunday l will copy it and print it
in Mondays paper. The Rev. De
Goode-"I cannot allow my sermon to
60 out of my hands. If you will come
to church Sunday you can hear 1t and
take notes." Reporter with dignity
4 do not work Sundays, sim. 7.
Weekly.
Nice little boy-"I wish you would
teach me to black boots" Bootblack
-"Wat fur?" Il am not satisfied with
my aimless existence at home, and I
| wish to be independent" 81 see. Kin
you lick one boy twict as big as y'r-
self wild one hand, hold y'r kit in tn
other, an keep off two other boys wild
y'r feet?" No" TOO bad You
won't do fur a bootblack. I'm 'fraid
you'll have to 90 home an grow up a
dude. Good Nea0s.
Jim Doolittle recently married
Fifth Sooiotu laIu Coma