Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-04-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


HUMOR OF THE DAY.
The most remarkable man of his age
--Methuselah. Life.
How little and dried-up the cheese ap-
pears to the rat after he is caught in the
tiap.-New York Herald.
A man never forgives until he has had
chance to get even and has improved
the chance.-Atchison Globe.
When you open window ON the rail-
way train the first thing to cat III your
eye is cinder.-Boston Bulletin.
You can't punish man for his evil in
tentions, and he often gets himself into
mess through his good ones.-Puck.
Little drops of water,
Little globes of grease,
Make the soup we pay for
At fifty cents apiece.
We never realize the value of Jewel
until we try to pawn it. Come to think
or it, we don't then. indianapolis
Journal.
A dentist in Western city is named
Leggo. As usual thing, however, he
will not do so until it is out.-Texas
Siftings.
1t is the man at the 'little end of the
horn" who does the work that blares out
elsewhere to the admiration of the
crowd.-Puck.
The man who has one of those
calendars with leaf to tear off every
day has one thing to live for anyway
Somerville Journal.
Weary Watkins-"If you had a hun.
dred-dollar bill what would you get
tirstf" Hungry Higgins l
guess. indianapolis Journal.
I love to sit upon the fence
And whitte it all day;
Because it is my neighbours fence,
And he has gone away.
Puck.
A misanthropist once said to DR..
Jobart, "Never believe more than one
half of what people tell you" EYES,"
Jobert replied, "but which half?"-
Soir.
The woman who sent her color blind
husband out to match some cloth, just
tainted in an ecstasy of happiness at the
hint his labors gave her for combina-
tion suit.
Wooden-"So Spender is dead. l
wonder if he left his wife anything2"
Bulfnch-''oh, yes; great plenty"
Wooden--"Why, whate" Bulfinch-
"Nine children. boston Courier.
Bunting-"I saw sight to-day which
did my heart good" LarlSin-"What
was it." Bunting-''A plumber get
ting prescription compounded at
retail drug store. Seattle Soundings.
Gussic-''Don't you think The Man
Without Country is Just as sad as it
can be ?" Tessle--''Ye-es it's very sad
indeed. But think the country with
out man would be good deal sa1der;
don't you ?"-Boston Post.
You must give up that horrible gum," said
because, if you don't. you mayn't marry
Then the crystal tears gathered in her bright
eyes of blue,
And she sobbed II shall marry no man
but chew"
She-sI don't see how you can love
me any longer. You are the most de-
voted husband in the world" He
"Well, my dear, why shouldt 1 be 2"
She--''Because disgrace you every time
go out wearing such an old hat"
(Sequel-a new hat, of course. Buffalo
Express.
"Never tell me again. said gentle
man with swollen lower jaw yesterday
afternoon, "that woman can't drive a
nail" "What do you know about it ?"
inquired an inquisitive friend. ''1 had
tooth filled this afternoon and my den
tist has girl to WELD the mallet. Great
buzz-saws! She could drive spikes into
an iron clad. Chicago News.
Tramp-'Please give me something to
eat2 I've not had warm mouthful in a
week" Mr.. Manhattan-"Pll give you
ticket and you can get plate Of nice
hot soup" "'Hot soup ~ he howled.
"Haven't you got anything else /! This
makes the fifth plate of hot soup I've
had in the last hour. It's not healthy
to put so much soup into an empty stom-
ach. Texas Siftings.
Now, there is a story don't believe"
said Colonel Yerger as he laid aside an ex-
change. "What story is that, Colonel ?"
asked Gus de Smith. "Why, the paper
says that Cotopaxi can sometimes be
heard 500 miles" "You don't believe
itW "Of course don't believe it. I'll
bet there isn't singer in the world that
can be heard half that far" "But Coto-
paxi if volcano, Colonel" "Is it I
thought j. was one of those Italian fell
lows that e, about with Patti, Texas
siftings.