davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
Why He Wished to Marry.

The old fellow hustled up to the
desk of the marriage license clerk
and without any formality or pre-
liminaries he began:
Selves me marriage license"
he said, land give it to me quick.
"Who for?' asked the ungram-
matical clerk.
"For myself, of course"
The clerk gave long whistle of
surprise.
"How old are you?" he inquired,
opening up his book.
"Seventy-fve."
"Ever been married before ?'
mo, this is my first offense." )"
What the mischief does man
of your age want to marry for?"
Because he can"
at isn't such difficult thing to
marry, is it?"
MAY be not for some folks" said
the aged applicant, hurrriedly, "but
it seems so for me. made my first
attempt when / was 20, and for
fifty-years I've kept steady at it, but
/ never could get a woman to say
yes until last night, and I'll be
swizzled if | know how this one
happened to and | don't care. It's
enough that she did, and now | want
to get that license and have her
claimed before she backs out. I've
got her outside in my wagon, with
a policeman watching her, and l
want you to hustle with the license.
The preachers waiting, and if
there's no preventing Providence,
you bet I'll not fiji bachelors
grave. Here's your money. Good
bye" and the happy man grabbed
his license and ran for the wagon.
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
Those Fateful Words.

It happened two nights ago, about
IL p. m.
The reader will please bear in
mind in this connection that the
present month is December and it is
the last in leap year.
The young man had been coming
to see her with earnest and serious
regularity for several months.
He had enjoyed it immensely,
for no man does that sort of thing
unless he likes it.
Yet he had said nothing, at least
nothing that was anything to speak
of.
By the way, that is one of the
peculiarities of nothing.
The girl knew that it was long
long time before another leap yea,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
Contentment,

Napoleon, when at the height of
his power, happened to be at
Amiens, and as he was crossing the
public square to leave the city,
amidst the acclamations of the peo-
pie, who had run in crowds and al
most blocked up the passage, he
cast his eyes over the vast multi
tude, and discovered in one corner
Of the square, a stone-cutter, whose
attention had not been drawn one
moment from his labor by all the
splendor of the spectacle. The
singular indifference of this man
excited the curiosity Of the emperor;
he desired to know something of
him, and spurred his horse onward,
and stopped directly in front of the
man.
"What are you doing there?"
asked the emperor, with the pleas
ant tones which distinguished him
on such occasions.
The workman raised his eyes and
recognized the emperor.
"Sire," said he, 81 am hewing this
stone, as you see."
"You have been in the army, have
you not?" said the emperor, who
recognized in him an old soldier.
"You made the campaign Of Egypt
were you not an under officer?"
at is even so, sire"
"And why did you leave the SER
vice?'
because ] had served out my
time, and obtained my discharge"
II am sorry for it--you are a fine
fellow am desirous of doing
something for you-speak, what do
you wish?"
"Only that your majesty would
allow me to hew this stone. My
labor procures me all | want, and |
have no need of anything"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

"This is your little sister, Tom
N.Y." said the father, showing him
the baby. "You will love her dear
ly, will you notp"
"Y-yes, of course replied Tom
my, inspecting the latest arrival,
"but it'll cost a good deal to keep
her, won't itp"
~ presume So"
"Yes!" said Tommy, with long
drawn breath. "And when ! asked
you the other day to buy me a
white rabbit, you said you couldn't
afford Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
A Herald of the Infant Year.

Clip the last thirty years or more from the GEN.
tury, and the segment will represent the term OF
the unbounded popularity OF Hostetters Stomach
Bitters. The opening of the year 1898 will be sig
nazed by the appearance of fresh Almanac of
the Bitters in which the uses, derivation and ac-
ton of this world famous medicine will be lucidly
der and astronomical calculations TO be found in
this brochure always astonishingy accurate and
the statistics, illustrations humor and other read
Hostetter Company of Pittsburgh, Pa, publish il
themselves. They employ more than sixty hands
in the mechanical work, and more than eleven
months in the year consumed in its preparation
1t can be obtained without cost of all druggists
and country dealers, and is printed in English,
German, French Welsh. Norwegian Swedish,
Holland, Bohemian and Spanish.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
OUR CLAIMS.

The Weekly Detroit Free Press challenges com.
parison with any other weekly newspaper published
IN the northwest. An examination will establish
the truth OF the following clalms
l. That The Free Press gives the greatest amount
Of Reliable News-fOrcign, National, state and
Iocal-compiled and presented in tho most com
pyeheneivc and readable way. Nothing worth
ehroniciing escapes its attention.
q. That The Free Press employs the best Literary
Talent; publishes more Choice Reading natter
Illustrated Stories OF Travel and Adventure, Serial
6torfes, Humorous Sketc hes, Poems Articles ON the
Farm and Garden, Bright Miscellany, Letter Box
The Household, Chill dren's Merry Times department.
Yussies, etc.-gving abundant entertainment and
Instruction for every member Of the family In short
that IL Ia The Family Paper
.. That The Free Press Is always fair, courteous
Ana forceful In the discussion Of public questions
ree0iy commandinR the respectful attention and
eonssoerauon OF men OF all shades OF opinion.
q. That The Free Press Il not only the foremost
aiehifsn newspaper In the above particulars, but
eeeh week-the brightest and Cleanest. both IN re-
epect 70 its table OF contents and typographical up
prarancei and the CHEAPEST because no other
paper doesor can give 30 much for one Dollar a
such paper should receive tho active support OF
every discriminating and fair.mndcd man and
woman In Michigan. IL Is n HOME PAPER OF
which every citizen may well he proud. For 1893
itwnl be better than ever before. We solicit your
subscription.
Address al communications TO
THE FREE PRESS CO..
Detroit. Mich.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
AC ri p;
DIR. SPEER & CO.,
SPECIALISTS,

NERVOUS AND CHRONIC DISEASES, Head
Office 517 Genesee Ave, Saginaw, Il. g., Mich
Branch Office: Marquette, Michigan, and West
Superior. Wisconsin. DR.. Speer in charge of the
head offices, Is graduate OF the Medical Depart
ment of Harvard University, Glass IA, and is Reg
istered such in Both Hemispheres. YOUNG
MEN who have been suffering from the effects Of
youthful follies indiscretions, will do well 70
avail themselves OF this chance. DIR. sPEER q co.
will guarantee perfect cure in all cases Of weak
ness OF private diseases Of any kind OF character
they undertake, forfeit $3.50. There are many Of
the age of 80 TO 30 who troubled with too fire.
quent excavations of the bladder, often accompan-
led by a slight smarting sensation and weakening
the system IN manner which the patient cannot
account for. There are many who die of this diff
nculty, ignorant OF the cause which Is the second
stage of weakness. LADIES finding IL not con-
venient 60 call nj the office can be treated by mail
by sending full description Of their case DIR.
sPEER \ CO., win guarantee perfect cure in all
such cases and healthy restoration OF the organs
Examination and advice tree to all. Remember
the place, 511 Genesee Ave, Saginaw, u. s. Mich.
P.S.-See our testimonials in the different papers
from well-known people. Patients wishing 70
consult DR.. speer a Co.. win have their railroad
fare deducted from the price Of treatment. No
charge for consultation. loesyl
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
California Wild Flowers,

A California spring may be said
to begin at Christmas time, and to
attain it's highest perfection in the
month of April.
While cyclones and blizzards are
on the Atlantic shores, and Jack
Frost is abroad in all his glory;
while railroads are blockaded by
snow slides, and relentless floods de-
vastate our great interior valleys,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Enfant Terrible-"Tell me, uncle,
is it true that you have lots of
money!" Uncle-"Why, what led
you to think SOP" Enfant-"Why,
yesterday heard mamma say that
you were a rich old imbecile. y
New York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Irate Father-"The idea of prom
ising your fiancee diamond neck
lace? Where do you expect to get
the money for it?" His Son
"That doesn't worry me; | only
promised it."-Jeweler' Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

The Proof of Her Claims-"So
she's handsome?" Handsome
Why I've seen two policemen tum-
bling over each other in their ca
gerness to get to her side to escort
her across the crossing g."-New
York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Hicks-"Hamfatter is bound to
rise in his profession" Wicks-
"At any rate, he's got an excellent
chance. He can't get any lower
than he is now, unless he digs q
hole in the ground and crawls into
it."-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
A Dozen for 10 Cts.

The DETROIT FREE PRESS will send you Twelve
Columbia Photos (same size as cuO and The
Weekly Free Press, one year for clio.
Send with your subscription a cabinet or card
photograph (tintype will not do) Of yourself or
friend and you will receive twelve fine rcproduc-
tons-Genuine photographs.
The Columbia Photos Will be made I'm the highest
style OF the art and will be handsomely mounted on
nne, gilt bordered cards and beautifully Furnished.
They will be
AoouRATE, DAINTY and ARTISTIC
Pictures that will delight all who receive them.
Their equal In quality cannot be obtained elsewhere
for less than t1.o0 adozen.
write your name and p. o. address on the back OF
the photograph you send us. This will bo returned
with tho reproductions the latter are
pleted.
DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE.
Send e1.10 direct TO our ONCE at once-first como
0vst
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Too Much Pleased-"So she re-
jected you, did she? Your propos-
al didn't please her?" swell,
can hardly say it didn't please her;
l thought she'd never stop laugh.
ing."-Boston Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

For at least two months after q
man is married he never goes down
the aisle to his seat in church with
out feeling in the back Of his neck
that everybody is looking at him.
As a matter of fact, nobody is pay
ing him the least attention. Every
body is staring at the bride.-Som-
erville Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Young Earnest-"Do you know
Miss Seaside, everyone thinks you
a great flirt." Miss Seaside-"Well
they are very unjust. am most
constant, for my love is eternal
though the object changes. "-Har.
per's Bazaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

swell, if that ant mean," ex-
claimed the prisoner, "every burned
one O the stories in this here paper
they've gimme to read is continued.
An me to be hung next weekw-
Indianapolis Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Bertie--Well, have weally
changed my mind once more. AL
gie--Bertie, dear boy, hope you
didn't get one of those strong ones
that you won't know how to use.--
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Old Lady (anxiously)-Does this
train stop at New York city
Brakesman--Well, if it don't, mad
am, you will see the durndest
smash-up you ever see.-Truth.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

The New Yorker-"My rooms
are on the fourth floor, so when
you come to see me you must take
the elevator up His Boston cous-
in-"That we could hardly do. We
will, however, ascend in the car
Truth.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

$50 your mother keeps the strap
she whips you with in the wood
shed. Don't you think that's a
queer place for it?" "Oh, no; that
is where all the burning material is
kept" t."-Nast's Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Perdita-"He calls on me oftener
than he did before | refused him"
Penelope-"I suppose he thinks it
safer. Truth.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Edna-What do you suppose
makes Tom write such awfully
gushing letters? Kate-Oh, l sup
pose he uses a fountain pen.--
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Husband-"It is your fault, any
way" Wife-"Nothing of the
sort. 1t is yours" Husband
"Well, what's mine isyours. New
York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

! wooed her many, many days,
And sometimes when | shouldn't;
At least, it seemed that way, because
Right at the last she wooed mt.
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
"Ths Mo0ard Falls Route"
Time Card in Eject.

DAILY. Daily except Sunday. Parior car on
day trains and sleeping cars on night trains.
The direct line 10 Niagara Falls, Buffalo, New
York. Boston, Detroit Toledo Chicago, and all
points In the United States and Canada.
Through tickets 10 all points In the United States
and Canada.
WHITING. Ticket Agent
ON RUGaLEs. e.P.AT. Aet.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

Papa-"Come here, children, and
give this lady a kiss. This is the
new mamma l promised you"
Tommy-"But, papa, she isn't new" )"
Texas Siftinos.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

IL is never necessary to tell the
money-lender to take little more
interest in his business.-New Or
leans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

$50 you want to marry Emma
But she is my only daughter"
"Oh, that's all right, sir. ! only
want one" Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21

"Do they ring bell at your
boarding house?" mo, we get up
when we hear the cook pounding
the beefstake." New York Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
This PRECIOUS OINTMENT is th

This PRECIOUS OINTMENT is the
triumph Of Scientific Medicine.
Nothing has ever been produced to
equal or compare with it as CURATIVE
and HEALING APPLICATION. 1t has been
used over 40 years, and always affords
relief and always gives satisfaction.
For Piles External or Internal, Blind
or Bleeding; Fistula in Ano Itching or
Bleeding of the Rectum. The relief is
immediate-the cure certain.
For Burns, Scalds and liberation and
Contraction from Burns. The relief is instant
the healing wonderful and unequaled.
For Boils, Hot Tumors, Ulcers, Fistulas,
Old Sores, Itching Eruptions, Chatting or
Scald Head. 1t is Infallible.
For Inhamed or Caked Breasts and Sore
Nipples. 1t is invaluable.
Price, 50 Cents. Trial size, IS Cents.
Sold by Druggists sent postpaid receipt price,
HUMPHREYS MED. co.. IiI&113 william ST., NEW YORK..
VlluEAQl lln7Eu mn
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
HUMOROUS.

Shelf you had never met me,
would you have loved me just the
sameP" He (convincingly) More.
Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-12-21
O. |. PARTRIDGE.
Real Estate Agent

Rooms 4, 5, Dawson Block.
WIN take charge.of estates for residents and non.
residents. collect rents pay taxes place insurance
obtain abstracts OF title, etc.
Office hours-10 TO 12A. NJ, ACORN.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1892-11-24
10 Our subscribers.

The ~ppciai announcemel1sw " hlcl APP
De.I.-,i IN -,tur .usllttss ns.iii~ time since,
announc'hg .speciAl arfsng- s'ent with
DR.. b. j. Kendall Co., of Enosburg Falls,
VT, publishers of "a Treatise on the
Horse and his Diseases" whereby our
subscribers were enabled to obtain a
copy of that valuable work free by send.
ing their address 10 3. ]. Kendall Co.
land enclosing a twoeent stamp for
mailing same s renewed for limited
period. We trust all will avail them
selves OF the opportunity of obtaining
this valuable work. To every lover OF
the horse it is Indispensable, as it treats
in simple manner all the diseases which
afflict this noble animal. It's phenome-
nal sale throughout the United States
and Cansda make it standard authority.
Mention this paper when sending for
"Treatiss."
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1892-11-24

The lssaelise oresss.s Of tAs Rod ssa.
The New York Observer has the tul-
lowing. There b . H13ls favor Of
shestuut in ta,e STORY. bat H. revival Il
timely: A nege preaAises, toosiasd
with the 'st.igher er1tisinn." once sluho-
yated Now theory OF the sxodua. 10
wit. That shs Bed sea was frseen
over. and SO Afforded the Issaelatss Z
safe passage; but when Phasaoh, with
his heavy mon ehariots, attempted 10
en'ss, he bsoke through and was
dnwned A brother arose and asked
an explanation on that ''pink" nsdd
hex ''1's been ssudyin' geography, md
de geography say dat am Dc place wA9
~ tsOpics ssn, IN Dc tsovias am tos ~
aor fssssia'; - pint 10 bs 'splasnsd i
bout breakin' through de ics." Ths
pasasker strsig hssusd kiasslf up and
SAID: "Brudder glad yoa Axea dAi
question, for IL gives ms 'uasios =
'spaain r. You see. dat var ! .r.s,
while ago. befo dey hae Ss'q
SAphies and befo' dare wrraa.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1892-11-24

1t is related of certain Methodist
preacher that, upon the occasion Of thav-
ing foresworn the use of tobacco, he
made the announcement to his cOngre-
CATION as follows: "My respected hear
ers will excuse me this morning if they
observe that do not speak with my
usual coherency; for have been trying
to abandon the use OF tobacco, filthy
practice txught ane by my venerable
father, who died and went to heaven q
great many years ago when he ought to
have been in better business"
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1892-11-24
THE WOMAN WHO EATS.

Ehs Outrtvsls the AnAssnda - ~ Itost
Have you ever sesn her-t1as women
who eate9 unifindly ae2s tlas FfNadsl-
phia Times. If hot you SAss2a, for
able ever was seen.
She generally lives at hobsl san On
the American plan, and oyidsUtay Sssls
IN dnty bound to take sv&ytk6ng on
the bill of fare in order 10 get her
moneys worth.
It never occurs 10 her to sidp ons SIN
gle thing, yet every meal shs stHdies
the menu with an interest - abswhing
as though she vere only to ~ allowed
one portion, and that one she w. do
terminsd 10 have the bsst.
When this exhaustive sarvey b I'm
ished, sho leans back in her ehair, LOOKS
up at tho wa4ter in attendance with .
soy, sweet smile, and sa9s: 81 WIN sozn-
menee With oystess."
If there were anything ahsad Of
oysters for her to begin On sias would
do no, for sha Is systs.aAs1seAsr,a and
win 60 on pehgiously through soup,
fsh, entrees, roasts. vsgsssSaa, saisds
and desserts until Che wsaxY waiSsr con-
hdes to Vmpashstie ssufnps ti,t i Il
lbs private opinion tAas she i TIE India
rubber girl.
When at last ths finishing sip Of sodfss
has been swallowed she dips IN. A~ssrs
In tho bowl of water nsr 1t hand,
gathers up what she has not ssAsa Of the
fruit and passes out, leaving the waiter
10 wondnr ut the appetite OF . erssenrs
that lootEs above such Mundane psouli-
assties. yet who Leaves snonEh soiled
dishes and crumbs in her w.ke 10 es-
tshlish forever her reputa4ion ~ . per
former who would make her mark II On
eating contest were ever aCrangsd.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1892-11-24
The Growth er Rocks.

Rocks do not grow IN the sense thAk
plant grows. They may increase By
aecretion, and they may undergo
chemical change. The old sea bed be.
ing lifted mp becomes sandstone and
limestone; the volcanic ash and lava
strewn over the plains becomes tufa,
hard enough for building stone; the
pebbly shore OF a river becomes eon-
glomerate. The simple mineral doea
grow, however, when it takes q crystal
form. The sparkling prism OF quarts
increases from an atom TO crystal as
large as forearm by process OF ad
dition and assimilation wonderfully
slow, bnt beautifully regular, exactly
as crystals of ice form on the window.
pane. 6s3
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1892-11-24

The following is given AZ the school
essay OF little Buffalo girl: THE boy
is not an animal, yet they can be heard
considerable distance. When = boy
hollers he opens his big mouth like q
frog, but girls hold their tongue till they
are spoke to, aud then they answer re-
spectacle and tell just how it was. A
boy thinks himself clsvsr because he
can wade whore it 10 deep, but God
made the dry land for every living thing
and rested on the ssssnth day. When
the boy grows up he is called husband
and then he stops wsdisg and stays out
at nights, but the grew up girl is =
widow and keeps house.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1892-11-24
AN ARAB LOVER.

how q wandeeor q the Desert PaTs
Os~sA 10 eAe OAdsss q In RassGsa.
An Arab loves rs none bot N Arab
can love, hat he Is also nsigh4ily sxsitar
biz and easily won. An Arab sses girl
bearing water or brushwood and IA .
moment, almost al glance, is as mad
ly In love ss II he had passed ysaEs Of
eourtship. He thinks Of nothing slss,
eares and dreams Of n04hfng sass but
the girl he loves; and not infisqAsnSly,
adds the New orieans Times-D
II he Is disappointed in his s6sstion,
he pines and dies. In ordr to com
nenee his snit hs seasds 1sr . nanber
Of the girfs tribs who has ssesn 70 the
hsxsn and, nzsa imsuriag hissssrssy by
schema saNa, epn5ussss hls lsss and
enerssas lIs so.19dnnt te'sssaa0seaah-
teswisw. TAs snnnaAnt gsss - -
GID, sixss hsr, . As~sr e hlnAs Il
euzs and sagE '-Bpesr ~ Mka WIZ
HUks. els AsNRss.kns ~ o. -
wN ssassesA assnVns lsa6 Wf6& ]
am shs.sss ne fsysA. K1ss ~
WIN not aesspA ~ Yssp,esd sAs wa
pot taase Sass se1A, II, nssWsAazsn,
lneps the nnasaRrpas1ssMg ssssss Arsu
all. n size is~fp~osaa1V SVsssA - sha
match she assvee,ss Il swsec ~ YIN
who mads the ADspW - haa& sd us,'
and tho paAse end faAss - Asss61nw ard
setxaed. Thsse saE1A ~ nsvsr hsoarsa
md II is ncs lag bsDsss - srasat
lover Ssssmes ths hae1y h.sSssA.