The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-09-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

TO roam,
For the only tune she ever learned was Mag
Washington Star.
With two moons, Mars ought to be a |
great place for the summer girl.-Bot-
tGnaore american.
1t is actually getting so that the
man who attends to his own business
is apt to get left.-GalUeston Neeos.
Eternity is played without limit;
but an old man dealing in futures is
bound to be short on years.-Nea0 Or
leans Pcdyu1ae.
He-"How do you know but l am
married manP" She-"You would not
be SO afraid to propose if you were a
married man. IN. 7. Herald.
"What is your son doingp" Hes a
craftsman" "Ah; learning to be an
architectp" mo. He pumps the or
gan for our church" = Washington
Star.
First Customer-"Glass of vanilla,
please" Second Customer = Same"
Clerk-sBeg pardon, but we cannot
serve two persons with one glass. Per-
haps yeu mean similar. Minneapolis
Journal.
Prof. Potterby-"Whence do we de-
rive the word 'helpmate,' Miss Edith"
Miss Edith-"From the fact that II she
didn't help him to propose they often
wouldn't mate, I guess. "-I''dtanapotts
Journal.
Giplamp."Why does Rawley always
keep his mouth screwed up in that
wayP" Surface-"He got into the hab-
it while trying to pronounce his words
SO that he can get them in edgewise
when talking to his wife.
Owen Giendana-"Pd have you know,
sir, can swallow crow" Prince Hill
-aAnd SO can /, and so can any man.
But will it stay when you have swal-
lowed itP"-Adaptation By N. Y. Com
nsercial-Aduertiser.
Miss Richfool-"Mrs Longtime has
purchaseda charming set of bloodstone
iewelry." Miss Snoblock-"What taste!
The idea of red with her complexion" :"
Miss Richfool -"Ah! my dear, the
blood of'the Longlines is blue. "-JeD-
eler's Weekly.
"Did you go on that trout fishing
excursionp" "l did," "Did you fish
with fiesp" @Fish with fiiesP "Yes,
we fished with them, camped with
them, dined with them, slept with
them-why, man, they almost ate us
alivel"-M Y. Press.
When the farmer is praying for rain
to come next day to help his crops and
the summer boarder is praying for
fair weather to help along a pic
mic, it isn't always possible to tell
which of the two is more religious by
observing the result Unidentified.
Mr.. Rox-aBut. my young friend
cnTnnrt dauOhfpY
your salary of $25 a week. In spite of
all the excuses I can make she costs
me from $4,000 to So, 900 year" The
Young Man-"O, but she loves me.
don't you knowp"- Indianapolis Jour
nal.
Boerum-HDid you ever think how
much of truth there is in some of our
popular comic songs?" Boured (short-
ly)-"Yes." Boerum-"Now for in
stance, There are times when one
would like to be alone" Boured-
That's the one l was thinking off,
Detroit Tribune.
The American Peanut Union met re-
Gently in Virginia and decided to
maintain present prices. Peanut poll
tics was not discussed. The ruling
rates for peanuts, therefore, will be
GcHbS d Ud2s SlZC bnO hlAO VI RIAu uAdt
will run three or four to the quart.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Jimmy-"Say, Pete. what's this Lick
Observatory that the papers all tell
aboutP" Pete-@I dunno about the
papers one, but ever since mas got in
to the habit of waiting for me o'nights
with one of pas slippers in that bay
window at the top of the stairs pa calls
it her lick observatory. ."--M Minneapolis
Tribune.
London abounds in American tour
lists, says Howard Paul. Two of them
were lunching at Pratti's (Hatchett's),
in Piccadilly. They were speakin of a
mutual friend. One said: "You tell
me he left no money" no." replied
the other; "you see he lost his health
getting wealthy, and then lost his
wealth trying to get healthy" )"
Mrs. Gadder-"I'm happy to inform
you that 1 have been converted-got
religion, as they say" Mrs. Tawker
-"rm glad, and yet I'm rather disap-
pointed, too" Mrs. G-"Why SOP"
Mrs. T.-"Because had choice piece
of scandal to tell you, and now l sup
pose it won't do for you to listen to it."
Mrs. Go, go on and tell it. I'm
not to be baptized till next Sunday"
Mother-@My little girl goes to sleep
SO nicely every night when 1 sing to
hhr. Isn't that SO, MamieP" Mamie
Eyes, that's so, ma" The mother
leaves the room for moment, and
Mamie says to the visitor, "Don't tell
ma, but only make out that l am
asleep to get her to stop singing, she
sings SO awful bad."-IeraS SJtimgs.
First Lady-"T'm giving big din
ner party this week, my dear. Can
you lend me some knives and forks.
I haven't enoughp" Second Lady
"My dear, would with pleasure, but
I've lent my spare ones to the deal
vicar; he's got Lot of other clergy
men stopping in his house for weeks
prayer and fasting. London Ptck-Me'
Up.
He had been trying to muster ur
sufficient courage to take the fata
step, but it was after midnight and
still he hesitated. "What time have
you, GeorgeP" asked the fair girl. He
took out his watch unsteadily "I'm 8
little after r." he said slowly. She gave
a nervous cough. "You ought to be q
little after one, George, and maybe
you could get her." she ventured
blushingly, and Georges heroic spirit
responded to the call to arms and he
got Indianapolis Jonraal.
Heard by Spriggins for the first time
-"Why is a dogs tail like an ole
manP" Because it is in firm" De
lighted with the joke he decides tc
make brilliant hit at the party thai
evening. When the opportunity ar
rives he propounds the conundrum
Everyone has heard it before, but tc
encourage him they give it up. "How
stupid you are" he says. "Why, don't
you see, dogs tail is like an old man
because it is in tight" And the laugh
on him made him wonder if he came in
tight. Rochester Democrat Chronicle.
speaking of cyclones" =" said the mar
With ragged whiskers, "they do play
some queer tricks sometimes. re.
member being ketched by one as was
drivin' home from the grocery with q
sack O. seed potatoes in the wagon
paper -four sack it was. Wal, what
\ Al Al i