Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-03-20

with travelling cap-English helmet-to
match; also patent leather shoes and fawn-
colored CATERS. Porter good natured, will
ing, attentive, but new to business; says he
took this trip before was ready to oblige
friend. Gathered mp old-young mans
patent feathers with rest of shoes last night;
blacked 'em to beat anything in the realm
of darkness; also blacked fawn-colored gait
ers, supposing they were some unattached
part of shoe. Old-young man refuses to be
comforted.
Porter fears he is out one quarter. Mis-
take; man who said he saw child's ear bleed
informs me privately he is going TO giveporter
half dollar extra for blacking fawn colored
CATERS. Cannot approve of malicious spirit
by which man is actuated, and tell him so.
Had already determined, however, to give
porter extra % cents, not for artistic work
on CATERS, but to encourage evident desire
to do work thoroughly without sighting
smallest thing. Spend half an hour in i'm
proving reflection, contrasting superior aud
generous motives which move me with the
baser and ungenerous spirit which impels
other man to reward porter. Am greatly
pleased with myself, and resolve that here
after will associate more intimately with
self, and derive great good from social con-
tact with that superior man.
Too Funny for Him Not to Laugh Al.
Later; great merriment in smoking room.
Can guess at kind Of story that has just been
told Malicious man comes in to tell me all
about it. Says it is too good to keep Porter
just now dropped fellows shoe out of win
dow; car lurched round curve, threw porter
against open window; dropped shoe to catch
himself, shoe flew out half way across 20
acre corn field. Although this man. 8 enjoy
ment of other peoples troubles is extremely
annoying, even irritating to me, can't help
laughing; awfully funny.
Malicious man says they are all watching
to see what fellow will do when comes to
put on his shoes; they're going to make it
up to porter; I say I'm in on the pool; get
up, chuckling all the way through, to join
the watch party; 20 out of smoking room
laughter as porter tells about it; ask him to
show US surviving shoe; he displays it.
Great Scott!
One voice of mirth, fine, clear, piccolo-
tenor voice drops out of chorus of merri-
ment; comes to full rest Volume of laughter
not at all diminished, however; increased
by additional power and compass on part of
remaining voices Didn't fully realize until
now how extremely aggravating and irritat-
ing Malicious Man could be.
Resents Sympathy OF Other Victims.
Finally, seeing fellow-passengers with
ing on floor and squirming on seats in
paroxysms of mirth, join laughter myself
Very feebly; can't be heard; just as we'll;
merriment in my laugh just now is of the
bit, bitter. Like Jobs warhorse, I say,
"Ha, ha;" in precisely same temper, too.
Like him, also, would like to Swallow the
ground with ferceness and rage;" about ten
acres of it. Plat on which train is passing
preferred; train and all Especially malic-
ious man. More say, "Ha, ha" louder
myself getting. Old Young Man with the
late fawn colored comes to me, asks me to
join him in reporting porter. Makes me
madder than ever to be coupled with such
victim; makes me SO hot it cools me off; at
once tell porter it is all right; shoe was rum
ming down at heel and was going to throw
1t away anyhow; resent sympathy of Old
Young Man so savagely that makes me feel
positively kind toward porter.
Good humor returns at once. Moral: sim
gular how dislike Of one man makes us for
give and even befriend another, whom we
have no reason for loving, but rather the
nature; friendship of PLATE and Herod.
Strange Disappearance Of Good Man.
Go back to my seat and try to appear
calm and happy. Pretty tough job; could
manage it very we'll, however, if Malicious
Man wouldn't come in about every time get
composed, look at me, cover mouth with
both hands to smother roar of laughter, and
rush back to smoking room. Seem to miss
something from my seat; ah, yes; remember
now; Very Superior Man occupied seat with
me half hour ago. Has disappeared.
Think he must have gone off train to look
for lost shoe. Do not miss him so much as
would have thought. Kind of prig, any
how. Never did get along well with
superior people. Common brand wears bet
ter; doesn't show scratches so plainly,
doesn't spot so easily; can be taken out in
rain with perfect safety. Superior Man has
to be kept under glass. Same as mummy;
apt to crumble on exposure to air. About
as companionable as mummy, also. FIRE..
quently knows more, however, than mummy
does.
Train slows up and begins running into
Chicago shortly after passing Kankakee
Suburban trains only slow thing about Chi
cago Everything else about that city has
wings; suburban trains have anchors. Old
Young Man goes to my hotel; passengers
smile in most friendly way as they say
goodby to us. Porter tries hard to be form
ally respectful; he is to Old Young Man,
but when he reaches me he says, ''Goodby,
DOSS, anu UIcdhS QOWus Olu 4OuuS udu
sits opposite me in the bus; he In his
blacked CATERS and I in slippers and over
shoes.
Hear familiar voice in bus standing next
to ours; Malicious Man is telling story of
our disaster to whole bus load of strangers;
see strangers spread faces in broad, wrink-
ling grins; stand up and crane necks trying
to look over and see our feet; Malicious
Man points especially to me. Tell bus man
am not feeling well, and will he please
hurry on? Looks at my feet, then at Old
Young Mans. smiles and shouts to driver:
''Go ahead, Bill; let these two gentlemen
out at first shoestore and wait for them.
Palmer House r.
Howl of laughter follow us; everybody
knows about it. Bus rattles away; Old
Young Man and do not look at each other;
we do not speak; 'tthe heart knoweth his
own bitterness" reckon one of these days
I'll kill that man who laughed so much at
nothing. ROBERT j. BURDETTE,
PARLoR furniture reuphlostered.
HAnGH q KEENAN, a Water n