davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
M. sad. 900. M.,k.,.

Tn. .trung demand g. iutisr hal t..n
supplied bY iuisriOr grudss Ch"s-s al
,Anc.d a littl.-ius' mite. Amor. active
condit.on sSp-ctsd Turkeys ar~ gobbling
IN Chickens on the fsnce-cant tell
shsthef they'll - up 90 down Corn still
and whisky un.tssly Tbere ). = sharp
demand fcr pickle~. Common oNtail dul.
AMI dropping. bat sul-r- are ~ DEMAND.
The market - actually squirminz In e.l-.
hat scsly ior dsh ruHl.- move slowly.
and erals bsryly crawl
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
III. s..,.i c., D,,,.,.

smith--A new motor for increasing
the speed Of horse cars has been dis
covered.
Jones-fias u, Well. the horse carr
don't need Il mp my way. AL ] have 10
10 10 increase tho speed Of this cars 10 10
signAl 10 the driver with my umbrella
that I want TO get on board.-Te1a'
SiftfnOs
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
Childrurry for Pitchers Castoria.

IL IL true that q rough exterior may
cover q warm heart, bat II IL not safe To
bet on the kindness Of dog because at
the rasping quality of hls bark.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

The great popularity Of Ayers pill.
ne q c,thsrtic u due M iess Ca their
promptne.s and efficacy than "a their
coating % sugar aud frcedom from any
Injurious effects. Children take them
readily. See Ayers Almanac for this
year, just out.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

They .sy," wrote Nellie, "that poor
Ms. IIs~kin. has gon. into decline.
.. II .or' "N-.." replied Bllly, "sb-
has. 90, some Of the decline la.t
night"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

Tcacher-"Ye., Russia IL an emplrr,
and the capital u ~. Petersburg. Men
ton staple product of that country,
Juddy." Jnddy (afIer some delibera'
tion) -"Exile.."
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
K..v what q, wss.

Teacher (holding mp . card with the
picture Of cat printed on ip-what 10
this, Jacob,
Jacob (whoss father keeps . cheap
rsstaurant,-A rabbit. sir.-Philsdelphia
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

SHOW Isn't that . perfect picture d
The babyY asked Mn. Noopop. display.
lng new cabinet photograph.
II don't think u NJ replied Noopop.
n dat hsas . soand.'-Haspsrs Basas.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

will never regret sending three scent
stamps TO pay postage. Ia \. 4. Ordwsy
a Co. Boston, Mass, for copy of DIR.
ksufmann's great Medical Work; 100
pages. coiorcd illustrations; Of great
value To every family.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

To retain an abundant head of hair %
q natural color to good old sgr, the
hygiene Of the sc,ln must be observed.
Apply Halls Hair Remover.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

"But What on earth couli have induced
you IN marry man so utterly your In
feriorr' "Ny dear girl, never met a
man who wasn't"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

"Now i.nt th,t q perfect picture Of
the babyy" asked Ms. Noopop, dlsplsy-
Ing new cabinet photograph. 81 don't
think IL IT," replied Noopop. ~ don't
hear q sound"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

stout lady at street crossing to police
min-"Couh YOU see me across the
street. officerf' Policeman - 'sur-,
marin, ! coah see you tin time. the
distance. aisy.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
sns,

All Iienry " Dana ~ Aniover Nefth sur
plus l. apt-ilnts-i Asrnt a. suI.snntsni N 90
t-nslitafv 20 tius sAsns kTsofIinx o. lAS, AMI l.
ry.luifs.i D. site boni ~ ti- lac diFvst.
an An.istsf >arth -srplas. fsF tn purrs-s -
I Dr~Vaiftns - uiurh ~ u ,oantT fy.sl ISL
az fra Asisssr ,ofpsf o. tI.tpo. a. iiss Nth
\. at saFVias asi al.s a. nah - ~ HAL
nr-sk Ils.sl .-traiast a. 1rs stthla AT -urplas
ths 900 ~ to- haniirs-i oos doliafs all tsyutY
ia ont. u A..rs...l q. fnllnNs
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

''Hobcri. dear. hos do you .uppo..
tho.. dozen. ani dozens 20 empty bot.
tie. ever got Into 10. cclltrF' "Why, ]
do NO, knov. NV dear. ! never bodghi
an smpty bottle la nv life"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
ChIldrn CRY for PITCHER. c,.toria.

"Do you know why that ground glass
I. az c,ileiy'' swell, whvr'' "Bec,u.-
Il I. the color - grouni." The j,nltor
wcp,. and immediately went for hi. buck
et and .i,ouge 10 Gle In.s OF tile ioke.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

iIe-(hopele.s, hut seeking con.ols-
tion)-"Now that you have Tom Walk.
over. yon have no further use for me"
sb.--"oh, yes. ! have. need YOU to
make Him Jealous"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

wAes BABY vss -. - gave ~ cssasssA
WIN sAs vss . chnd. - eFs~d fos csssossA
Wa sAs b-csms Nh. - essas V casaos'A
w. - Asd cAnAvs. - gave ~. cssasrsA
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

Asi N. 70. Chandler % fryslsrE Academy
tsn.iItur. % ina sane, anil u vguirci o. give
Loasl the Lac dircsts
an Riley Plantation, for the pary,o-e - repsir.
I ing The rad IN .sii fisntstion, running NJ
saRsisy River % William sofmaB's, the sum 81
.isty dollars AMI fcity I've cents IL assessed a.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
81. A.e-n...l. A.,-.,l,.

7 The wiudpip. , AL or,atlns 4 A
hri 4. \ hank ~ Earth. 5 Chsrset<r-
it~i ~ grrs, sicks'iness
Initials. 4 t-nny Substance.
fnAl. Csr,Alu palms
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

There are two kinds Of dogs, the good
kind which belongs to yourself and the
worthlss, cur that IL KEEP; by your Neigh
l.ar
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

j. q. SMITH, windsor, VI.
Nv Appetite had failed, my flesh
and strength hal gone; my back
paincd me al the time; NJ. dizzy
and faint In the morning. and sick
at my stomach through the day. 80
times my head would pain me-. ~
though Il would burt. ] could not fcsi
NIGHTS. a. | Wa obliged Ia attend a.
the calls ~ nature every hour. AMI
the water passed gave ever evidence
that n terrible foun IL Kidney dis
ease had fastened ii.clf upon me.
The great reputation 81 your medicine
asa Kidney Cure, reached me. !
ihoughi would not die without giving
II trial. Under IT, ne ! grew wore
for the hr.t week. Then The great
chang. commenced. The improve
ment va. rapid anil steady. Three
bottle. made me a well man, and !
have been we'll ever since. That weary
worn-out sufferer. frum Kidney COM
plant may know what can be- done ior
them. I checrfully send you this tesii.
monlal. J. :. SMITH
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

An old family physician nrst recon-
mended Johnson's Anodyne Liniment
for colds, coughs.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

"why do you w~ep. Cainsr
"Eacuss the-e unmanly tears, Lucul.
iu., but canno, stop their now when J
think that - small irine n stick 81
chewing gum OF perhaps = solitary cara.
mel IL all that stands between me and
complete happiness
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
TO PROVE G 2Sn s Ha,EH Il

Oa and after Octotsf .. is,i - give even
I~rsan selling oaf nsiisins ths pfirIiefs .f
.sling sis t-Ittiss &C. - a.. sol ruafants.
that In ease % DO. you 30 rg--i yoa rh.
receive yoaT s,ss., b.sk. Head ss.Ts"iy
.iih .,sry ba,iis. We claim D. eufs bI'
f~p.ia. Headache. sour siomssh. Hsariafr
kl,insy Complaint. Neuralgia. bistfsss aiiff
eating. raipitAiian n ths Iisari. COLE. Nsf
roasns.s. 10. - -issI, DtfIinss.. irrrgu'af.
ny q ths Appsiiis. Fisursy iaius. H.ai
WHIT oa tho stomach. iiafking Coush. 60
Consiipation. And shy ~tn ~ Cufsf D..
caass N 10 H.i.siag, fsrifyiss. s''sthins
sod Ii..iing. n IL Compounded ifuu d.
pafe.t r,-1ts and hsft,s, free from Aloah.l
- MophiA ~ IL hafml.s. b. ths smhl'ssf
chih chiidfsn The n. and u - Gar suIsri.f
a. Castor col snd an othsf 9fsTaraii1us
Call g., oradsT'. nstsnis Dy.psp.is
s,rsP. None E.nuins uhicss bsarEg VI
traienlafs. III Bsavsr
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
-. asI.-I,...rIi.,l...

40. asi. b.s.pit.ti..s
4 Make msrry aud leave hsr.-or
2 nisouur~~ AMI llft up
a Keep from injury AMI leave 10 keep
back
4. To cautsrir. ard i~sve part - the fsoc.
s ou.ek afsl lssy. musical inst rumsnt
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

Looking too closely At = dollar doesn't
make Il any bigger. but Il very often
makes the soul . good deal smaller.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

Almost . century ago, Johnson's Ano-
dypc I.iniment, = noble remedy, WAS
first made known.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
TREATED WITH

Aver. Sar,apariiia. ant after thfss mo1its
of this treatment shs as completely rgrst
n was q mcst stifaofdinafy eass. a. ary
druggist here can testiiy - Nn D ".
larnss Nalraraisa. Nsh.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

B<n,oIn Is an excellent polish Tor the
anger pails.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

!. one OF wa,srvilis. moo, Popular
shos Dealers.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
HOMEMAKRRS COLUMN.


e :s' En-; :s:;'s: = E. :;
co sS o.isSi i,s.s.ss;. fsas Hsiss.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
WANTED.

Agent. g. eel ~ Gsrman riestrtc nst, In
every Tswa in ONfsri tounty. Apply o.
a. l.. TiNkiiAM, 1snsral AEeutt
last ~umnsr. Ne.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

slek-hssdsehe yields 70 Bssehan''
Pils.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

Aroand the -oTii w,'ii tsisary,
Ia. Julo. Verne % Nellie Ms.
Irou, s,sry piaos -bsn ~ eommsnos
Wei tsrro~ % dsfraJ snpsns.
Ths f,.si uais ~iil The rs-t stplsin.
Me- hartt 10 al catch the train.
fNos.-Tsks letter trum each SO
graphical uams - that an Ensli.h word
wili r.u.aln and that the dslsts.i letter.
will SPILL the name - an eocsnir'o osise
rtty
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19

rHt GROCER DYSPEPSIA CURE cospnI
~.vvHvIIIr, MAINE.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1892-01-19
SUCCESSFULLY

the disease must b. treated ihrOush NJ
blood. fof this purpose 10 remedy h -
effective a. Ayers sarsarafilla-
-Yor The past eight year, have ben
severely Afiletsd With CaiAIfh. nous ~ tis
many remedies tired Anofding ~ any D..
lief Ny digestion vas Considerably iH.
paired. and my sleep dlsturted ~ pllfrl
droyping Into my thf,at IN ssptsmtff
last I resolved % 10y Ayers sanararUa.
began 10 uss u a oncs. and an GLAD o.
testify D. q grsat Improvement IN ny hssiii '
-Trank Ieson. Jf. snginssf. ~ Wet
Fourth street. Ne~ york CITY.
my daughter. ~ years Old. as an .fft
With Calafrh from her hfth year iAsi A.
x,lst shs was
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

its foundations by the food and
dashed to pieces. The whole valley
was waste of rushing water; but
as it turned out, the food was not
the only thing he had to fear, for
just then he heard a scream in the
distance. Little by little it came
nearer, till he recognized it as the
voice of panther
If the animal should scent him,
his fate, as the historian expresses it,
would be beyond the "help of in
surance.' Nearer and nearer it
came, and soon he saw the limbs of
"a tree shaking at no great distance.
Another scream, this time close
at hand! A shaking of the branch
es in another tree! Now he can see
the panther, crouching in the very
next tree, and ready to spring. His
eyes flash, and as he growls he
shows his fangs.
The panther puts up his back,
shakes his tail, and makes his final
jump. His aim is straight as an
arrow, but as he strikes the branch
Bacon shakes it at the right in
stant. The monster misses his hold,
and tries in vain to recover it. His
hind feet dangle in the air. Bacon
shakes the limb again with all his
might, and the panther, screaming
horribly, drops into the torrent.
Bacon remained in his tree till
late in the afternoon, when his
neighbors were able to come'to his
relief.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05
The Soap Plant.

An original and important indus
try is carried on at Kansas City in
the manufacture of soap from the
wild and pricky plant of the prairies
known as the Mexican soap weed,
and, as described, it's treatment af-
fords notable illustration of the
modern utilization of waste products.
Since the Kansas prairie was an in
land sea, says the Kansas City Times,
this weed has thrust it's roots deep
into the soil of the unsheltered
plains, and to gather these a sharp
spade is driven down deeply by the
side of the plant, the earth is broken,
and the thick, brown root secured,
the top, with its long spines, being
thrown aside. The root has been
known to extend as far as twenty
feet into the soil, but only from two
to three feet of the upper portion,
which is about two inches thick, is
of practical service in the production
of soap. In the manufacture of
the latter, the roots are first wash
ed, then cut up and boiled out in a
big vat, where other ingredients
are also placed, and, when this is
dried out to such a degree that it
will solidify, it is moulded into
semi-transparent cakes which possess
all the desirable qualities of toilet
soap. A peculiar characteristic said
to pertain to this weed is that, not
withstanding it grows in a region
where alkali roots dot the ground,
and where the soil is white with the
chemical, none of it is found in the
root.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05
Hard Beset.

Shortly before the outbreak of
the Revolutionary War, according
to Mr.. Stones "Reminiscences of
Saratoga" a Yankee bearing the
illustrious name of Roger Bacon
moved to Saratoga, New York, and
contrary to the advice of his new
neighbors, built a log cabin OH the
flats near Fish Creek. He was an
old bachelor, used to having his own
way. He moved into his new
quarters in the late summer.
Much snow fell during the winter,
and the weather held cold until
April. Then all at once there came
a warm rain. The creek rose rapid
ly, but Bacon thought himself safe
and went to bed as usual. Before
midnight he was awakened rudely
by the cracking of trees and the
rushing of the torrent. He sprang
out of bed, and found himself leg
deep in water. There was no time
to lose in making a toilet. He ran
to the nearest tree, clambered into
it, and waited for daylight.
Il was dismal night, and his un-
seasonable cold bath added nothing
to his comfort. The roar of the
waters and the occasional crash of
trees made it plain that the ice of
the river had broken up. How soon
would it carry away the tree in
which he had taken refugee
The dawn brought little encour-
agement. One of the first things
he saw was his cabin, lifted from
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05
Silk Culture in California.

The ladies Of Petaluma have or
ganized company to purchase and
handle all the silk cocoons produc-
ed in California. The idea is to
develop the whole business of silk
production and manufacture in
California instead of sending our
cocoons East for sale. Silk will no
doubt eventually become one of the
great industries of California,
Like France our conditions are
favorable for carrying OIL all the
processes from feeding the worm to
the finished article. Francisco
Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05
On the Way to Paradise.

Let us hope that the people who habitualy dis
regard their health win reach that desirable place
and avoid the locality which Is less desirable an
eternal residence on account Of the heat and sur
roundings generally But while we tarry in this
vale of tears, why should we voluntarily endure
the tortures Of dyspepsia when systematic use of
Hostetters Stomach Bitters will rid of the atroc-
ious malady which-unless physicians are very
much at fault-tends to shorten the term Of our
existence Heartburn, biliousness. constipation
almost always accompany this complaint and are
symptomatic of It. These are all extinguished by
the Bltters which also conquers petely malaria
rheumatism, nervousness and debility. Since the
appearance of "la grippe" 1t has shown singular
mastery oyer this formidable complaint that has
carried of 90 many of our brightest and best.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05
Odd Bits of Life.

w HcH IHc ClICuo Wdo hcici "hu
the House found itself without a
quorum, says the Washington cor
respondent of the st. Louis Globe
Democrat, George ID. Wise of Vir-
ginia told a good cloak-room story.
1t was founded on fact. The scene
was Hanover Court House, in Mr..
Wise's district, and the time was
the last campaign. Mr.. Wise and
one of the Democratic nominees for
elector at-large were announced to
speak ION the issues of the day" at
Hanover. "When we got to town."
said Mr.. Wise, tive discovered that
a circus had spread it's canvas for
that very afternoon. The crowd
was very large, but | had my doubts
as to how the speechmaking would
60 in opposition to the circus. The
meeting was set for o'clock in the
afternoon, and | knew that the cir
Gus people would begin to do busi-
ness at about the same time. There
didn't seem to be anything to do but
to go ahead with our appointment.
We had the meeting called to order,
and | told the elector that courtesy
demanded that he, being candidate
Oh the State ticket, should make the
first speech. He was inclined to
waive that and have me begin, but
| insisted. | knew that the circus
crisis was coming, and preferred
to have him face it. So the elector
was introduced and started off. All
was ominously quiet around the
circus tent. The crowd gathered
to hear the speaking, and the elector
began to warm up to the occasion.
He had spoken perhaps fifteen min
utes, when suddenly the band struck
up, the ticket-seller took his place,
and the canvas door was thrown
open. In two minutes there wasn't
anybody around the platform, and
| was the only person besides the
elector upon the platform. The
elector stopped and looked at me.
It's no use talking against a circus
said |, and we got down and follow
ed the crowd, which was gathering
around the ticket-seller. brought
out some money from Richmond to
extend hospitalities to my hearers
when had finished the speech | Iex-
pected to make. | hunted up one
of my best friends in the crowd, and
handing him some money, said:
Here, you buy tickets to the circus
with this, and give them to the
right persons with my compliments
The next minute my friend was
shouting at the top of his voice:
Ladies and gentlemen, the Hon.
George d. Wise has authorized me
to see that every one of you has a
ticket to the show, with his COM
pliments.' With that the crowd
shouted and crowded up. saw my
money 60 into the hands of the
ticket-seller, and | saw the crowd
pass into the circus at my expense.
Of course there was no stopping
after that. 1t took the last quarter
out of my pocket before the job was
finished, and there | stood, with my
crowd inside and alone OH the out
side. The circus manager came
over to me, and with a grin compli-
mented me OH my electioneering
tactics. He wanted to know if |
wasn't going to see the show, and |
told him the condition of my pock-
cts. Pass right in, Mr.. Wise,' he
said, and in | went. When the re-
turns came from Hanover Court
House after the election, | found l
had swept the district clean"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Those who would read Natures
open book in meadow and woods
have an extra facility at present
She is herself turning the leaves
Philadelphia Ledger.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

The man who is always yielding
to temptation seldom finds any diff
ficulty in finding temptations to be
Welded to.-Sommerville Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Parent.-"This is your birthday,
Tommy. What can | do for you
that will cause you pleasure?"
Tommy-"Spank Johnny!-Texas
Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Love is blind, according to the
proverb, and according to the pic
lures he dresses as if he thought
other people were. .-Somerville
Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

The great value in astronomy as
a science, morally speaking also, is
that it tends to make people look
higher.-Philadelphia Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Jagson says the man who can't
take joke always seems to be the
editor of the paper he sends his to.
-Elmira Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

1t isn't the man that blows most
who finds it the easiest to raise the
wind.-Cape Cod Item.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Walking is said to be the best
exercise for brain workers, and it is
worthy of note that brain workers
can seldom afford to do anything
else.-Boston Globe.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Not Enthusiastic. Charlie--"May
| announce our engagement at
once?' .Clara-''Not yet. Perhaps
both of us may be able to do bet
ter. New York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Alviry-Lijah, put on your specs
and read that last line. Lijah--
Alviry, it says, ''first-class cuisine"
Alviry-Think of that, Lijah; a
boastin' ev their own profanity.
fur one won't stay under their roof.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

A man who is running for Office
takes great risk of collision with
his own principles.-Washin gton
Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Little boys learn with terror that
there will be a whaler at the worlds
fair.-Rochester Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Dealer-"This is the best parrot
we have, but | wouldn't sell him
without letting you know his one
fault; he'll swear if his food doesn't
suit him" Miss Fitz--"I'll take
him; it will seem quite like having
man in the house. New York
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05
HUMOROUS.

Not necessarily after bird-the
man who goes out for a lark
Brooklyn Eagle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

lrate passenger (as train is NOV
ing off)-"Why didn't you put my
luggage in as | told youp'! Porter
Eth, mon; your luggage is no
sic a fule as yersel'. Ye're i the
wrong train. London Tid-Bits.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

An Oversight. He-"Do you
know it has always seemed strange
to me that have never married?"
She-"Dear me, haven't any of the
girls ever given you their reasons
for refusing you?"-New York
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

"Would you like some garden
hose?" said the clerk, in the gen-
eral supply store.
mo, thanks" was the answer; 81
gin'rally go in barefooted to do my
weedin'."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

swell, Efie, see you have a
dollar. What are you going to do
with it," I'm going to thpend it
on a naughty little heather girl l
know" Indeed! Who is she?"
"Me. ."-Harper's Young People.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

She Getting him down easy)-
I'm sure, Mr.. Hardleigh, that you
can find plenty of girls right here
who could make you much happier
than | could. He (mournfully)-
Yes, but you see that's just the
point. I've asked 'em all. You are
my only chance.-Brooklyn Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

Stranger haven't much time
to spend in Washington, but I'd
like to see some of the nations
famous men. Resident-Take the
Seventh street cars to the baseball
grounds. They're sure to be there.
Washington Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-10-05

She-"Sometimes you appear real
manly and sometimes you are abso-
lutely effeminate. How do you ac-
count for lt?" He-''l suppose it
is hereditary. Half my ancestors
were males and the other half fe-
malesr-Life.