The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-05-17
H INN.
Bill Nye Writes TOuchingly of the Nine
tenth Century Type.
Hotels He Has LiUed and Almost Died
Ln-A Bell Boy Who Wanted
to Do HIS Duty-Putting q
Cat Off the Trdin-A
Mans Letter.
TCODvrigb+ 1902 NV E5,or w Nva
copyright, 1892, by Edger ". Nye.l

IN OHIO.
I have just paid my bill at the
Smearkase House, and my physician
says that the bites will all be we'll in a
few days. The Smearkase House is a
relic of the early history of the United
States, "them good old days" when
people were perfectly simple in their
tastes and got along without under
clothing. Those we're the grand old
days when men drank coffin polish
and licked their children into curva-
ture of the spine if they enjoyed any
thing or Sunday.
We often hear about them good old
days when neighbors used to come and
visit each other for two weeks at a
time, sprea ling famine and other con
tagiOus juvenile complaints among the
children right and left. In those days
papa went and soaked a goldfish in the
creek as soon as he had baited the
visitors horse. l can see the wan
smile of the large salt Goldfish now as
my grandfather took him down from
O al LII O14O CbGO1C. L oil SCO dISO 11NC
ru ptured bosom full of rock salt, and I
can hear him quarrelling with the
other OdOrs of New England as he
started gayly for the brook. Even
now 1 see his low, ~retreating forehead
and hear his fragrance knocking the
bark off the tree as he goes away where
he can soak his head.
The Smearkase House is run by an
elderly man, who does better at break
ing colts than he does in editing a
menu. We stopped here over twenty
four hours. Rates are two dollars per
day and split your w kindling wood.
Guests wishing to take a bath are re-
quested to apply at the Office for roller
towel and other facilities. After bath
ing guests are requested to return
mackerel tub to the office, as other
guests may be waiting to take a bath.
For bell boy, ring two times and then
go and do it yourself. For meals
wanted in room, wiring the neck of the
large Shanghai rooster in the back
yard twice and cook same on oil stove.
Fire escapes on this house are exclu-
sively for guests of the house. Any
one seeking to escape on one of our
fire escapes and not patrons of the
house will be fired.
The other day at an other hotel |
was robbed of my bathroom Forum
ately 1 was not in it myself. While l
was at tea the bathroom was purloined
from my room and given to another
man. Some of my things were in it at
the time. Il was one of those bath
rooms connected with two rooms.
The other man was more profane at
the office than l was, so he got the
bathroom. l could never accomplish
very much by my profanity, anyhow:
[ was taught 1t home to avoid it in
conversation, and so often happens
that men who are gifted that way get
the bridal chamber while I am given
the suicide room.
Thus it happened that when I returned
to my CHEEKY little cupboard, No. sos,
series B, 1 found that some one had
swiped my bathing place, together
with a rich oriental bathrobe which
bought two years ago at Ober-Amergau
of Judas Iscariot. He was also under
study for POntius PLATE, and this robe
was one he wore while on the bench.
l would no. have lost it for a good
deal.
1t is a glorious season of the year in
which to travel over u country and
see the brown fields take on their liv-
ing Of green. AS the train pauses at a
little station the odor Of the Maltese
pussy willow comes in at the window,
while far away the peculiar, happy
hearted song of the backbird comes
6 over the April scented meadows. Al
the station l see a lad stepping high
like a blind horse, and l know that he
is just going barefoot for the first time
this season. His feet are very white
whittier than they will be again till mex
: April, and he is trying to sell a small
tin pail full of frogs legs. The con
: ductor says that the boy will close
them out at a sacrifice, as he has beer
= trying now for two weeks to sell then
and frogs legs do not improve with
age.
Crops in Ohio are looking unusually
well. Winter wheat under the careful
auspices of Governor Mckinley is look
= ing thrifty and very rank indeed
Rhubarb is looking very robust thi
: spring. Why should we enter int
: direct competition with the foreigl
market by the removal of our tariff
. when cowslip green's are so abundan
add the pokeberry season almost upol