Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1892-02-21

1t is so with English humor. l have
known men to apply themselves to Eng
lish humor for several years and thin
out their blood that way so that they
prolonged their lives for long time.
A Canadian yesterday spoke to me OF
John Bulls drink bill, and showed me a
little chart, which / give herewith,
showing the comparative sizes OF the
bills in England for liquor, bread, milk,
tea, coffee, cocoa and education. He
said it was creating great deal Of dis
cussion among the politicians.
Yes, l said, / had heard that they
were at lagerheads.
Being under the British flag seems to
affect my mind, think.
A week ago we stopped for night at
the Banting House, after long, hard
ride in the palatial slumbering car In
somnia. The Banting House is kept by
one of those popular men who are not
good for anything on earth but just to
be popular When we came in he well
coined us by extending a breath TO us
across the register on which we hung
our overcoats with impunity. AT first |
did not know why he drank, but after l
had been at table l saw that anIes-
thetics of some kind should gotwith
every steak.
Everything was neat and clean at the
Banting House. The pale, sad wife did
the best she could, but Banting himself
did the buying, and that's why the
steaks didn't yield to climatic intlu-
ences.
You have seen the sad eyed wife OF a
popular man, no doubt-a man who
could have married anybody: he took
her "because 1t would have killed her II
he hadn't" a man with curly hair and
n mustache which he pieces out with
chin whiskers. He is so popular that he
has himself photographed in the panoply
OF some secret order every time he gets
to feeling pretty well. But his wife
wears the same shaw that the last
three babies have slept in. He is so
popular that people take advantage OF
his good nature and lead him astray and
get him to drinking. That's what he
tells his wife.
He is just simply great big, soft,
self iDdulgent, impalpable ass. That's
what he Is. and his house, everywhere
that he has anything TO do with it,
shows stinginess, neglect and incompe-
tency.
He wore a wooden leg, did Mr.. Bant-
ing. He permitted me to think he lost
il In the war at first. Then he went on
to speak more fully of his great loss. l
was told afterward that he lost 1t in de-
Tense OF his honor, such as it was. he
was stopping, 1t seems, over night at
the house of man who was not at
home himself; just only his wife, that's
all. In the night his involuntary host
came home, and thinking IL was going
to be little crowded there shot three
quarters Of a pound Of buckshot and
some old single nails into Mr.. Bant-
ing's leg as he was getting out the win
dow-a window that gave upon the
we'll. When Mr.. Banting was drawn
out OF the we'll by reporter who could
draw a man out better than anybody
else, il was claimed, the doctor told
Banting that he would have to contri-
butte that leg TO his MASKING record and
the bill would be eighty dollars for
same.
MIR. Banting did not tell me about
this, but neighbors did so. Mr.. Bant-
ing, however, was a little sentimental
the morning | saw him. he spoke ten
derlv of his lost leg as we sat together.
and ever and anon he tapped the wooden
one with the blade OF a large pocket
knife with which he had just been re-
moving one of his indestrnctible steaks
from between his teeth. Then he took
from his pocket piece OF bone which
had been carried for years in the same
pocket with his tobacco. He looked a.
il sadly.
That" he said, "come off OF the
kneepan. 1t is as good as it ever was.
II Is the lid OF the kneepan."
Then he looked out through the win
dow as we'll as he could and went on:
~ lost my mother next March is q
year. She always appeciated>me. My
wife never has. | could have married
nv pick of the girls OF our place, but l
took Laura because she was purity then.
She was one of them girls that fade aw-
ful quick, and besides she don't appre-
ciate me nor how poplar / am" Then
he sighed.
yesterday" he went on, II made a
solemn Journey mighty solemn jour-
ney."
ITO your mothers grave, do you
mean?"
Yes"
where is it?"
ut is over at East Haddock, about