Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1892-04-28
THREE FUNERALS.


ed by conference to take charge of
the Black Sulphur Strings circuit
He was known as a perfect agonizer,
a man who could raise the soft hair
OF luxurious sin into the stiff bristle
oftear. The day after Boyle had ar
rived in the neighborhood of his
new charge he was called upon by
Wigs Bailey. Wiggs is a we'll known
character of the community-a man
of untrembling nerve, of strong
arms, and an appetite that had new
er been known to fail.
What can | do for your" the
preacher asked, when the visit or had
introduced himself.
"Jes' called to pay my respects au'
to tell you if you ever need my sar-
vices, jes' call on me. I'preciate the
position you hold as a worker for
the Lord, and | wanter ask a favor
of you."
Albright, brother"
81 want you to preach the funeral
of my brother Ike. Best Teller you
V seen in your life-died about ten
or fifteen years ago. Great big fell
Ter, whipped old Oscar Miles once.
and Os was a power in the land, /
tell you. Now you preach his funeral,
an II! make it all right with YOU"
Il will do it, brother. What was
the aus of his DEATH"
Lack of Ticker" ..
"What, was he so addicted to the
use of liquor that when it gave out
and he couldn't get any more he
died?"
"Oh, no: he was never much of q
hand to drink"
Then how did he die on account
OF the lack of liquor?"
"W'y, ne was bit by a rattlesnake,
an as he didn't have no Ticker, he
jest nachully died."
"And you want m to preach his
~iuneral?"
"Ies, an you ken get into some
powerful work when you git down
inter the Jacks of his lynn thar SUIT
ferin' fur Ticker. You can fetch the
tears outen mighty nigh ever eye in
the house"
Il see, but a description of his
death, no matter how vivid, will not
be quite enough. Tell me something
of his liie."
WAL, he vas the p~owerfullest fel-
Ter in the country. Reckon he could
lift more at a handspike than any
man about here"
"But what were his strongest
points,"
"Rasslin', brother, rasslin' with
the ketch-as-ketch.can rule"
But had he not some moral quei-
ity?"
"Oh, yes. He didn't swear 'eept
when he conldn't help hisself."
"Well, l will do the best l can.
Will next Sunday do?"
"Yes, suits me all right. Thar'n
be q big crowd out, specially as this
is your fust %'pearance, an l want
you to paint Ike as bright as a rose.
EYES," said the preacher, scratch
ing his head, "I'll do that. Your
brother was a-a-popular man, was
he?"
Popular as a basket of ginger
cakes at a county fair"
"All right, brother. I'll be on
hand next Sunday.
The house was crowded on the
following Sunday. Wigs took a
seat near the pulpit, and, taking out
an immense handkerchief-it must
have been the half OF a tablecloth-
made himself appear as a man of
deep seated sorrow. Thenew circuit
rider preached a powerful sermon; he
painted a pathetic picture 'of a man
wallowing on the ground, wringing
his hands and crying, in an agoniz-
ed voice" Licker, oh!bring me Ticker,
or | will perish!"
After services were over Wigs
shook hands with the preacher, and
then, breaking down with tine weight
of his emotion, wheeled about and
disappeared in the woods.
On the following Saturday Wigs
called on the preacher again. Il
have come" said the visitor, when
the minister had shaken hands with
him, ito tell you that not only me,
but everybody, is delighted with the
brother Ike sermon"
II am highly pleased to hear it,"
Not atall. Say, Fyegot another
favor to ask"
what is it, BROTHER
81 want you to preach the sermon
OF my brother Ike again next Sun
day."
.'Why, that wouldn't do at ALL"
"Why not?"
because | preached it last Sun
day :.
brother let me tell you that J.
come mighty near runnin' this here
community. | put five of the main
logs in that church you preached in
| last Sunday, and unless you preach
likes funeral again next Sunday,
why I'll take the logs that belong to
me an split 'em up for fire wood.
Oh, don't you think the folks will
take your part. They know me
know that it won't do to fool with
me. What do you say"
"Oh, rather than have any trouble,
brother, / will do as you suggest"
"Wi1l you make it as powerful as
the other one was?'
Il will try" the preacher answered.
"All right, but mind that you do
try"
The next Sunday the people were
somewhat surprised to hear another
sermon on the virtues and graces of
Brother Ike, but no objections were
raised. Wiggs was again deeply at
fected, and again with overpowering
emotion he disappearedin the woods,
Early the following Friday morn.