The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-08-31
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


"Hard lines" said Mr.. Flunkor,
when he couldn't translate a passage in
Homer.-Yale Record.
"Hullo, Bronson! You look hot. How
did you get in that condiuon" "Open-
ing car window to cool off. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
Jagson says it is strange nobody ever
finds out what the wild waves are saying
although ever so many 50 to sea. a.-Elmira
Gazette.
"AIiss Budd is very sharp girl"
eyes, indeed. guess that is why she
cuts so many of her acquaintances. "
The Club.
There is never so much excitement
when man begins to smell rat as when
woman first sees a mouse.-Philadel-
phia Times.
al felt so cheap during the ceremony"
confessed the bride to her dearest friend.
"Why, my dear" "Because pa gave mo
away. detroit Free Press.
"Do you believe all you see, Hicks"
"No. see you whenever we meet,
but don't believe you more than tenth
OF the time. brooklyn Life.
A woman will fight her relatives any
time for her lover, and when he becomes
her husband will work him any day for
her relatives. s.-Atchison Globe.
He treated me coldly last night,
And yet Pm not mad, as 'twould seem,
! For his treatment hailed with delight
| He bought me six plates of ice-cream
Boston News.
Said the lecturer "The roads ~"
these mountains are too steep and ro.
for even donkey to climb; therefore, 4
did not attempt the ent."-Boston'
Transcript.
Amy-"Has he ever loved any other
girl before" Mabel-"No; that doesn't
worry me. What want to know is If
hc will love any other girl in the future"
-Harper's Bazaar.
"Whatl Do you dine in that fourth.
rate placel" "only when l am net
hungry. What is the use of wasting
good food on poor appetite"-ln-
dianapolis Journal.
"Do you know Widdiken's widow9"
"Oh, yes." al hear she is going to cou-
test the old mans will" 81 don't won
der at all. She always did whenhe was
alive l"-Chicago News.
"Do you think that truth is.stranger
than fiction2" 81 don't know" replied
the cautious man; "when some people
that know get through with it, gener-
ally seems to be."-Washington Star.
she-"How did you and Tom Hillow
happen to get married, Blanche"
Blanche-'We were both single, you
know2n "Yes" "Well, we married
to get even. Smith S Gray's Monthly.
She Ito Cousin George, who has just re-
turned from the tropics) s)-"Oh, George,
dear, how kind of you to bring me this
dear little monkeyl How thoughtful you
arel But-but-it's just like youl"--
Funny Folks.
First Student-''How did you get on
in your examinationp Second Student
-"Badlyl And to add insult to injury
one of the professors was hard of hear
! ing, so that had to repeat in very loud
tone everything | did not know
Fliegende Blaetter.
"Do you kill the germs in the hydrant
water, ma'am9' queried the family ply
sician. "Yes, try to, DOCTOR" "You
boil the water, suppose" "Not now,
doctor; it's so thick we bake itW-Chi-
cago News Record.
Wells-'I hear that stingy old Grab
gold has really married shop girl. !"
Griggs-'Yes, but everybody knows
that he never would have fallen in love
with her ii he hadn't found her at the
fve-cent counter. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Miss Irene Kersmlth, Gn raptures)-
O, she plays that Beethoven symphony
so beautilullyW Little Johnny Ker-
smith-'Is it hard piece to plaYl"
"Hush, JOHNNY Yes; it's very diff
cult" "Is that why she's maxim all
them ugly faces at itl'-Chicago Tri-
bune.
A comedy scene followed the third act
OF tragedy at theatre in an English
provincial town. The villain had met
his death, and the curtain was lowered,
Dul huuB three ltet ABOVE tue stage All
efforts TO lower it proved unayaling until
the corpse arose from the stage and said,
in sepulchral tones, us he dragged down
the curtain, "No rest, even in the
g.r-r-r.ayeW
A highly humorous legend is appended
to a magnificent drawing by Ralle,. II
was during the last war in Italy; a
group of French Grenadiers are camping
round fire that is being put out by the
rain, which falls in torrents. An old
Sergeant, with an mir Of grim satislac-
tion, rubs his hands aud Cxcains: /:
"Won't those Austriins come in for u
drenching lie Petit Partisan.
Effie-"Did George play football
while he was at collegel" Maud-"No,
l don't think he did" Efie-''Did he
row on the crew2" Maud-"I never
heard anything about It," Effie-"Then
he must have played baseball" Maud
-''He never said anything about it..
Pm pretty sure he didn't, though. 4"
Eflio-''That's very queer" Maud
"Why" Eflie-"Because 1 heard hV
was graduated with honors, '-uaryard
LampooA.