The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1892-11-08

gers it was at last publicly declared that
Mark Twain was lin his capacity rs IL
story teller an inordinate and unscicn-
tile liar" The humorist resented these
accusations, insisting that if in any of
his published variations there appeared
to he anything which justified such ac-
cusation he had written it in moments
Of responsibility or insanity, and lie
declared that he was willing to stand
trial upon these charges.
Captain Dampfer, who has the power
Of an antocrat upon his ship, authorized
court Of admiralty to be organized, of
which Mr.. Dittenhoefer was appointed
judge. Mr.. Wallach was chosen by the
court counsel for prosecution, and Mark
Twain selected the eminent lawyer, Mr..
Webster, counsel for the defense. The
Yale students were impanelcd as jurors,
and Mr.. McClung was made foreman.
The court was held on the evening of
July ii i'll the great saloon of the steam
ship. Judge Dittenhoefer took his seat
on the bench, and he never looked more
stern when he was serving as judge in
New York city court. Tho jury were
seated i'll a box to the right of the Judge,
and tho counsel were gathered at IL
table, and near them We're the witnesses
for the prosecution and the defense.
After the court was opened Judge Dit
tcnhoefer instructed the sheriff to bring
the prisoner in. The clanking of chains
was heard, and n moment later Mark
Twain, with dishevcled hair, with shuf-
fling step because the ships irons hung
heavy on his legs, and with his wrists
incloscd i'll handouts, was brought in
and placed i'll the prisoners dock.
at IL command from the judge the
irons were removed, and the trial began
with speech from the prosecuting Off
Ger, i'll which he declared that hc should
prove that Mark Twain had been guilty
of inordinato and unscientiiic lying.
Here the prisoner bent his head to
conceal his emotion apparently, and
seemed 10 be sobbing Miss b. II. Dit
tenhoefer was called us the first witness.
She read extracts from Mark Twain's
description of the jumping frog. The
jury looked very solemn when this evil
dence was introduced, and Mr.. Webster,
the counsel for the defense, on cross ex-
animation demanded Of the witness
what there WAS unscicntiiic III this lie, if
it was IL lie, and she replied that al
though it caused people to laugh they
smiled at the improbability Of the story,
and added that there was nothing funny
i'll the suggestion of filling the stomach
of q frog with shot to prevent its making
u jump, and thereby causing its owner
to lose Il bet.
Mr.. X. ID. Cheney, being summoned
as witness, produced one of Mark
Twain's books and read from it his as
sertion that he dropped tear upon the
tomb of Adam. When asked by Mr..
Webster what there was unscientific
about that lie, if it was a lie, Mr.. Cheney
replied that the world knew that Mark
Twain never wept and never made any
one else weep. If he had written that
he searched the vicinity for the tomb Of
Eve or had exhumed Adams remains,
that he might discover which rib was
taken for the creation of Eve, that would
have been an entirely scientific and ra-
tional undertaking at Adams tomb.
Other witnesses read extracts from
"Huckleberry Finn" and quoted from
the exploits of Colonel Mulberry Sellers
as narrated by Mark Twain to prove that
the accusation that the various humor-
Gus lies there narrated were unscientific.
and therefore improbable, and then the
prosecution rested.
The defense was insanity or irrespon-
sibility, and the two ships physicians
were put upon the stand, each of whom
testified that i'll all their experience they
had never met man who talked so IT.
nationally as Mark Twain did. They
declared that the stories he told them
mad not one grain of probability. ard