The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1892-03-17
NE cor AN AK.



| A sfan who Would Not Ne Thwarted Bs
the Gentle Bat Provoking Oyster.
Humphrey johnson Perkins was
elected president Of literary club In
Evanston some time ago and delivered
BY way Of an inaugural address a very
able discourse on Economy in the
Household"
On their way home after the delivery
OF the address on economy Mrs. Per-
kins limited TO hef spouse that he ought
20 put into practice himself the sug-
gestions of thrift which he so literally
commended to others. Mr.. Perkins
agreed with her. and resolved to do so.
The folio wing incident which he mar
rated to reporter for the Inter Ocean
was the first and last of his economic
experiences:
II have always bought my oysters
opened, !" he said Mrs. Perkins and
myself are very fond Of oysters. and
eat greatn4aHF= ef= t llsssll,.ssI t occurred
to me after making this speech that
there existed monopoly in opening
oysters that was kurtful to the pub ic
purse. ] determined to make begin
ming of my retrenchment in this oyster
opening business.
Thanksgiving eve" he continued,
after he had sucked his left thu nb for
aboat minute and a half brought
home two dozen oysters in the shell,
and put them in the ce lar ii morning,
when they were to be opened fresh for
breakfast. When moraing came | went
tlo~G stairs and brought up the oysters
while Mrs Perkins got ready pan. 1t
| is said the less a man knows about
anything the m re willingly he en-
cages to do.it. l knew nothing about
tt=4.pening sters;II4h itd never opened
one in my lie But what ! lacked in
knowledge ! made up for in Eeal.
when everything was ready smiled
| at Mrs Perkins and commenced.
found the most difficulty with the first
oyster. l looked some fifteen minutes
| for a hole in which to put the knife.
But ] couldn't find it. Mrs. Perkins,
who had rat Ter impatient1y watched
| the survey. suggested that it might
have fallen, out and would be IN the
basket
There was no use looking further
| for hole in that oyster. | got out my
knife, which was sharp. AID placing
the point at what reasonably appeared
to be a crevice, pushed firm against
| it. II had used little more firm
ness, it is more than likely that both
| the blade ard handle would have
passed through my hand. As it was,
| it was only part Of the blade. and
| was enabled to pall4it from the same
side it entered. This was an unexpects
ed advantage, and / hope I was suffi-
| GENTLY grateful, but it is doubtful
Mrs. Perkins screa ned.
You're the awlSwardest man | ever
saw, she observed
sit was AN easy remark. Ninety
nine women in every hundred would
| have made it. / tied up the wound in
silence, and renewed my endeavors to
| gain an entrance, with zeal materially
| abated.
Pretty soon | missed part of one
thumb, and the knife snapped in two.
| Mis-. Perkins went for another knife.
| They don't make knives of the mate
rial they used to- ! was surprised to
sec them break as fast as they did be-
fore got that oyster open. Mrs Per-
| kins was somewhat surprised herself.
III didn't break the last knife 1t
| slipped over the edge-of the bivalve,
| and went across the apex of my
lSuuelxles with a fcrocity almost hui
mlu 1t next went into the fire.
.,Twent into the yard to think. Mrs.
Perkins went upstairs for a cry. When
came in was accompanied by an AK.
! The balance of those oysters, came
apart in two minutes. Chicago Inter
| Ocean