Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1892-08-05
FiNClNG-F
How to Censurc When Censure Is Eeces-
sary.

sary.
1t may seem superhuous to begin by
saying, Don't find fault at all when
you can possibly avoid it." Nevertheless,
this is very important first rule; for
in order to make necessary fault-tind-
ing count, and be of any real use to
yourself, to the delinquent individual,
or to both, all needless, superfuous and
aimless fault-fnding must be avoided,
Three times out of four fault-fnding is
merely an expression of impatience,
and the only good it does is to relieve the
irritable feeling caused by the careless
ness, stupidity or other defects of those
with whom we have daily intercourse.
To begin with, on every occasion where
there is no reasonable hope of doing
good by fault-fnding, seal your lips as
with Il bar of iron.
Next, almost always postpone fault,
| finding until there has been time for
consideration. DO not speak at the
moment the fault has just been com
mittcd. However deserved, and even
mild, the reproof may be, the culprits
mind is not in state to receive and as
similate it. When Bridget has just
broken your best India china soup tu.
reen, she Is so disturbed by the accident
that she hears you say, Bridget, do
you not remember have often told you
not to carry that tureen on tray with
other dishes, but always to lift it with
both hands," etc, with vague sense
that You are ''scolding" her, and 1t is
very disagreeable. Yor are fortunate il
she does not reply with some fretful
self justification. When the mind is of
its balance, and the nerves agitated, il
is not the moment to irritate still
further. The more childish, undevel-
oped and ill-regulated the character the
less is the hope of doing good by such a
method.
To simplify the case, l will suppose
that you are dealing with domestics
only. TO treat the question of finding
fault with children would involve toe
many side issues.
| Here, then, | offer two very simple
rules. do not pretend that they cover
the whole ground, but they will be o.
great practical assist ance.
| First-Nevcr go into the kitchen tc
find fault with Bridget. She is there
on her own ground; and if she is fret
ted into impcrtinence by what you say
| you have no resource but an undigni
| HnI ,.nt x.,lNioh 1Onroc ho, oict,,
of the field. Send for her to come tC
you, taking care not to choose time
when her work or other occupations
will be interrupted by so doing, Leave
her margin as to time.
Second-Begin by saying something
kind, which will put Bridget in goot
humor. 1t is easy to do this. Say {
word Of commendation of her breakfas
cakes; or of her neat kitchen. She il
now disposed to listen to you. Ther
go on something like this: 81 like YOU
work, on the whole, very much; you are
meat or good cook, or very gooC
tempered, as the case may be.) Blu
there is one thing that troubles me
You stay ont late at night. Now, /
you were an elderly woman, perhaps i
! would not matter. At any rate,
should not feel responsible. But for
young girl of your age, it is not safe.
should not dare to allow it. You
mother,is not near you now to advis
you; and a mother could not help bein!
very anxious about you under thes
circumstance You know | told yo,
when you came that my rule is to hav
my domestics at home by (such al
hour You may not understand the i'm
portance of this, but any older person
who has had experience, will tell yor
the same thing
l have been obliged to suppose a case
but the principle is of varied applica
ton.
Good-natured, kindly fault-fnding
administered when the mind is free 1
receive it, may do some good. Irritabl
expressions of displeasure, never; an
moderate and just reproof, if tactics
and ill-applied, is almost as useless.
There should be, however, constant
gentle preparation of the soil, by judi
cious commcndation. Judicious; no
fattery, nor constant praise. Recog
nizc all that is good; show that you pei
ccive an attempt at Improvement Wit
most people the tendency is the othe
way, Bridget burns her bread in tn
baking, and her mistress says, bridget
your bread was not good to-day.
Bridget knows that; she knows, alsc
that she has made good bread ten times
and no notice was taken of it. Th
eleventh time she burned it, and tina
time she was blamed.
Let me close with true anecdots
A kiud-hearted old lady of my acquaint
ance employed young colored man t
90 jobs about her premises. One da
Henry, in receiving orders from hel
forgot to remove his hat. My friend
old-fashioncd breeding could not put IL
with this. This was the form of he
reproof: Henry, if you were my sor
l should say, My son, where is you
hat?"-Lilian Freeman Clark. in Ladie