Iron County register., 1892-11-10

der care for him these twenty years,
can GueI, him. She comes forth and
admonishes him as only Il landlady can.
Size has her protective rights. This
world-weary old woman has had him
completely under her thumb hitherto,
but lately his delirious desire to en-
brace the other boarders has kept her
hands pretty full. Many have threat
ened to leave unless he is expelled.
The other night he appeared upon
the scene in very emphasized condi-
ton. At his moment of entrance a love
ly widow was just issuing from a re-
mote pantry doorway, bearing aloft a
glass of milk. which she usually gulps
down at bedtime for complexion pur-
poses
Great Scott! Behold that transcend
ent Hebe yonder!' was what she heard,
with horror. as he lunged rapidly to-
ward her. There was but one method
of escape, and that was to face him.
She turned toward him, posing the
milk in hand with projectile intent, a
look of cold scorn in her eyes.
Heavens, madam, what feelings
overcome me!' was his ardent exclama-
tion. Permit me to imprint chaste
kiss upon those ruby lips, lovely, capti-
vating creature that you are! Oh, you
are caught, caught, sweet butterfly!
No getting away from your old admirer
now-you coy young thing! Oh, ha, ha,
ha!''
Meantime the widow, whose trem-
bling fingers had dipped milk all over
her best gown, had been saying
''Sir-r-r" in several warning tones. Get
ting alarmed, she now said, severely:
eff you dare to approach me, Mr..
Black, / will certainly dash this milk
right straight in your face" and she
looked very mutinous.
proud, defiant little hussy! 1t would,
would be? Come, / like your spirit.
Give me a kiss, and we will sag no more
about il, loveiiest among women. Dost
repulse me, in truth? Have Z care,
Venus, have a care. / swear that God
never made such another"
''Shut up, John, came a laundering
voice from the end of the hall. 1t was
the landlady, who now came forth like
a cyclone and swept him quite off the
scene. Realizing, however, that her
captive would not remain suppressed
for any length of time, but would go
hall prowling again, the landlady in
duced him to go out with her for some
bivalvular refreshment. When they
entered the restaurant she noticed two
or three forbidding old cats Tin fact,
the hOmcliest specimens of womankind
she had evcr SEEM sitting around at the
tables. Upon these, however, her cap
tive began TO lavish his choicest, most
eXtravagant praises.
My dear Mrs. b., have you observed
how many extraordinary beautiful
women are collected here tonight?
Never, even at White House recep-
ton. have / beheld such a galaxy of
radiant loveliness. My soul expands
in such an atmosphere. l feel sud-
den desire to tell them. each and all, of
my unbounded love and admirati ton for
them. 1t would doubtless surprise
them, but woman's empire over me is
complete. 1 am enthralled, and when
get enthralled l must certa inly kiss
the enthrallers."
Fearing something scandalous then
and there. his landlady said bluntly:
"Oh, John, do eat your oysters and be
still. If you didn't have such film
over your eyes tonight that you can't
see straight. you'd know that they are
as ugly as hedge fences, every one of
them. Look at me for change, and
tell me how beautiful l am
But that is something he never does.
She is cross-eyed. and she ''queers'
him.-N. Y. Recorder.