The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1892-08-10
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and LaughaISle
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists Of
Our own Day.



deep. New York Herald.
FIRST MAMMA see you have got
your boys some pretty suits" Second
Mamma-"Ycs, that's the only way /
can keep them in check. - Texas
Siftings.
A WEST PHILADELPHIA maiden is
mourning the loss OF her fine poll par
rot. She attempted to force it to sing
"Ta-ra-ra- boom-dc-ay. philadelphia
Record.
THE pen is mightier than the
sword; and does good deal more cut
ting, too.
THERE is family Of the name OF
Pancake in Dade County, Mo. What's
the batter with that name, anyhow?
Kansas City Journal.
A KANSAS newspaper man wrote a
communication TO rival editor call
ing him an ass, and then signed it,
"Yours fratcrnally. Texas Siftings.
"THEY say McGinnis made a very
effective speech at the political meet
ing last night" Effective? You bet!
'Barkeep,' he said, charge the whole
bill to me, Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. GADDER-Have you seen Mrs.
Hemphill since her husband eloped
with the cook? Mrs. De Gush-Yes.
She doesn't care: she was going to
give the cook notice, anyway. Brook
| Ign Life.
DELICATE TO FAULT.-Mrs. Slim
SONNY Clara is an awfully delicate
girl; she can't stand anything. Mrs.
Won Blumer-Neither can my Maude.
She put on sailor hat the other day,
and it made her seasick. Cloak Re-
view.
"HOw DO you like your new flannel
shirts, Wiggins?" "Oh, they're great!
| Had 'em washed couple of times,
and now I'm keeping them TO wear
for wristbands in the winter. Chi
cagO News.
"'RAsTUs kissed me on bofc lips
larst night" said Dinah. "Gwuffum
hyah! Not bOfc at once, chile?"-
Judge.
"PAPA, I guess there isn't any
plumbers in heaven, said Il 6-year old
youngster one rainy day. why not,
my SOM" because the sky seems to
leak SO easy. Texas Sftings
STRANGER-"What do you have the
wires on that barbed-wire fence so
close together for?" Missouri Farmer
$50 that when the river rises we
can use it for flsh-net. Judge.
LONG-"I know an artist who
painted a runaway horse. 1t was so
natural that the beholdcrs jumped
out Of the way" Downing-"H umph!
My friend McGilp painted a portrait
of lady that was so natural that he
had to sue her for his bill. "-Life's
Calendar.
MRS. B.-Have you any near rela-
tives, Norah? Norah-Only an aunt,
mum; an she isn't what you might
call near, for it's in New Orleans she
lives, mum.-Brooklyn Life.
The WESTERN BAD MAN.-Arizona
Abe-Didn't yeh shoot him when he
insulted yeh? Howling Hank-Naw.
Thar wus nuthin' around that /
could shoot from behind. New York
Herald.
"DoN'T yez be tord av that police
man yet?" said the upstairs girl to
the cook. "Yis. But Oh can't have
any other company" Why" "Be-
cause Michael says that if Oh do he'll
arrest i'm fur contimpt Of coort. -
Washington Star.
BoGGs-Funny how the papers are
all the time talking about the plant
Of an iron mill; next thing they'll be
telling us that this strange plant
produces flowers. JOggs-They do
already; you may read every day
about the output of steel blooms.
IT is altogether useless to try to
talk politics to the man who was
married only week ago. -Somer-
Vile Journal.
JACK TAR-Wc amt so very fur
from land, Jim. There has been u
yacht along here lately. Jim-How
do you know? Jack Tar-Sce all
them champagne corks. Grip.
WAITER Seeing dissatisfaction on
guests face)-Wasn't that fowl
cooked to suit you, sir? Guest
Yes, all but the bill: just take that
back and tell them to boil it down a
little. -Harpcr's Weekly.
How IT does recall old times to see
your boy come home with another
boys shirt on and his back sun
burned from his hair to his heels! 1t
makes fellow want TO be boy and
go swimming again himself.-Brad
ford Era.
a YOUNG man, his eye blackened,
his collar and necktie disorderSl his
coat torn, his hair tossing wildly and
wearing no hat, was rushing along
one of the streets of the Back Bay
when he encountered his best girl.
"Oh, Henry" she exclaimed, in an
agony Of distress, Il know it all!
You have seen father. Boston
| Post.
GEORGE WASHINGTON must have
been mere boy when he was inau-
1