Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1892-06-01
HUMoR UNDER DIFFICULTIES.
Some Remarkable Historical Instances
of Bright Retorts.

of Bright Retorts.
One of the smartest of the celebrated
Bishop Bloomfelds bonmots was also
made during his last illness. He had
inquired what had been the subjects of his
two archdeacons' charges, and was told
that one was on the art Of making sermons
and the other on churchyards. "Oh, L
see," said the dying bishop, composition
and decomposition" Among the pecul-
iarities of Selwyn, which attracted atten-
ton were his love of children and his NOR
bid taste to see death or the dead. Not an
execution escaped him, and he is said to
have made journey to Paris to see Da-
miens broken on the wheel. This last pro-
pensity was the subject of many joke
among his intimates, of which the first
Lord Hollands was the best
When on his deathbed he was told that
Selwyn had called to inquire after him.
1.-THE next time Mr.. Selwyn calls, " said he,
"show him up for if | am alive l shall be
delighted to see him, and if l am dead he
will be glad to see me-" Equally as grimly
cynical was the reply of William Taylor
Tor willie Harrow" as he was commonly
called. Being visited in his last eXtremi-
ty by clergyman, he was askedif he We're
prepared for another world. "'Deed, SIR"
said Willie, II dinna ken if need trouble
myself ABBOTT it; for if the folk there are
like the folk here, they'll pay unco little
attention to pur body like me-"
The field of battle has produced many
an example of grim humor, and u capital
story is told of how, when Sir William
Scrope was about to charge with his troop
at the famous conflict of Edgehill, at the
opening ball of the parliamentary cam
paign against Charles l, he said to his
young scapegrace Of son, Jack, if l
should be killed. lad, you will have enough
to spend" to which the rogue answered,
"And egad, father, if should be killed
you will have enough to pay" "Why are
you so melancholy" asked the Duke of
Marlborough of soldier after the battle of
Blenheim. 81 am thinking" replied the
man, chow much blood have shed for SIX
pence" Another retort of one of the rank
and file conveyed well merited rebuke.
A soldier had his two hands carried off at
the wrists by shot. His colonel offered
him a crown. Colonel" replied the man
reproachfully, sit was not my gloves but
my hands that lost"
"Once," writes Mr.. Lawrence Oliphant,
II was in Cornish mine, some hun
dreds of feet down in the bowels of the
earth. Crawling down ladder and feel
ing that the temperature was every mo-
ment getting warmer, said to a miner,
who was accompanying me: 1T is getting
very hot down here. How far do you think
it is to the Internal regionsY' I don't
know exactly he replied, but if you let
go you will be there in two minutes"
Sheridan, too when dying, on being re-
quested to undergo an operation, humor-
ously replied that he had already submit
ted to two, which were enough for one
mans lifetime. Being asked what they
were, he answered, Having my haircut and
sitting for my picture" There is sly in
situation in the following, which no doubt
was duly appreciated by the person to
whom it was addressed.
Even dueling, too, has discovered men
who will jest to the very last, and as an eX
ample of grim humor under singularly TN
comfortable circumstances the following
would be exceedingly hard to beat. NJ. de
Malsaignes was determined duelist.
Having quarreled with brother officer
they agreed to fight out the dispute in the
very room where it took place. when NJ. de
Malsaignes' adversary managed to run
him through the body and nail him against
the door, ''This is all very WE'LL" said the
transfixed duelist, 'but pray how are you
to get out?" Dr. Mead and DR.. Woodward
fought under the gates of Gresham college.
Woodward's foot slipped, and he was at
the mercy of his opponent. "Take your
lifer' exclaimed DR.. Mead. Anything
but your physc," retorted the PROSTATE
man.-London Standard.