The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-03-30
The DEMOCRATIC PRESS.
RAvENNA TERREsTRIALIsMs.

saw SENNAs w A-Dr ESDAX MAR ,3OsAS9S
TERRESTRIALISMS.
Looking down =. Main Street, one windy day,
the country tradespeople who had braved the
breath of blowing, breezey March
for market day at the County Seat. beheld
sight mysterious to some, ominous to all.
Those who believed the Mckinley doctrine,
were all but petrifed with commercial horror,
and cried out in agonized distraction, " God
save us and our f1ocks See the work of
Democratic Congress Wool placed on the
free list, and this country flooded with pauper-
cut feeces, until the very air is burdened with |
-ttne overplus, which cannot even find resting |
place in the storehIuses of commerce. See it |
come!" And they pointed to mid air myrads |
in white, that were racing and chasing each 9TH
er in cyclonic glee. "Al the product of Europe, |
Asia Australia, and even the isles of the sea,
dumped on our shores, until we are deluged
by a free wool storm in Ohio. Mckinley MUST
go back to Congress at once, or the England
loving, America-hating Democrats will drive us
all into the poor house. Just look down there
- JS ever see Vi uCetl lC1A "a tlAS lihC! <AAN
the honest Mckinley folk tremblingly gazed in
helpless terror at the wild gyrations of the
whirling sprites
*.*
81 began to have hope" exclaimed an excl
ted individual as he rushed up to a kindred
spirit but what are we going TO do now? See
the injunctions blowing in in mid-air millions
+ba
tocsin and he rushed out amid the thickest
of the atmospheric white caps, to be covered by
their awful numbers.
" 1t is raining mamma " joyfully announced
few admirers of Grandpas Hat, thanks to
our peerless administration. Hurrah for Har-
risonl' And they continued to hold down the
ancient dry goods box in ecstatic idleness, wait
ing for some friendly hand to pick up basket
full of the mama for their supper.
This means either cotton mill or woolen
factory for Ravenna, am not certain which,
was the Interpretation of another individual, as
he reached and caught one of the flying objects
that created sixty kinds of fright and conjectures
to the minute among goodly portion of the
genus homo. :" I will take this to my labratory
for examination"
What's the matter with those horses?" was
the quick inquiry of a. dozen persons, they
started toward q team that were rearing and
plunging in frenzied attempt to break the hold
of their iron armed driver, who was struggling
in heroic effort to prevent them getting beyond
his control. The wild eyed brutes, too. had
evidently become frightened at the " free wool
storm, and uot being able to talk, manifested
their fear by the means that nature gave them.
On looking around. the spectators beheld
Several others of the equine beasts struggling to
get away from the terrible ''wool storm, -
ana only good nerve and horsemanship prevent
ed their doing so.
The mystery and terror increased each min
ute until free wool Democrat quietly possessed
himself of Specimen" which he proceeded
to examine in the presence of the awe struck
multitude. He demonstrated the rough edged
object to be torn fragment of wrapping paper
with portion of the letters comprising the name
OF well known mercantile house printed there
On. Other specimens proved to be fractional
portions of months-old newspapers, pieces of
defunct almanacs, &C., &c. Very gradually the
light began to dawn on the flock protectors and
other theorists, but no one acknowledged his
mistake or abated one iota from the fervency of
Mckinley love or Democratic hate, although in
all probability many of them had themselves
contributed to the aforesaid F" free wool storm" "
*x*
We publish the discovery to alleviate the fears
of one class and silence the vain boastings. of
another, and incidentally to call attention to the
dangers resulting from foolish and altogether
inexcusable habit. The practice of throwing
loose papers in the streets has become entirely
too common in Ravenna, and should cease at
once, before some irreparable injuly ensues
from such wanton carelessness. 1t is a constant
source of fight for horses, and many instances
of frightful runaways could be cited in this con-
nection. We are not aware whether any ordi-
nance exists against the practice, but very
clear that there should be one making it an Of
fence with heavy penalties.
No more important minor municipal legisla-
ton could occupy the attention of our Council,
in the absence of such an enactment. And such
a law should be among the number most rigidly
and impartially enforced.
*.*
In gloomy horror and dark delays came the
first thunderstorm of the year, Saturday night,
to those who fear the voice of the elements, and
tremble at the overshadowing nimbus, But this
was mere timidity compared to the fright at
the "a free wool" storm. Fortunately, both were
equally harmless, but unless people are more
careful about throwing loose papers in the streets
there will be "wool storm calamity of fear
full moment, some day, in which the factors of
broken limbs and broken necks are very likely
to figure, to say nothing about the money loss.