The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1892-12-15
Small talk-the baby's.

A "sheet" anchor-a clothes-pin.
A lumber yard-a three-foot board.
The Prohibitionits Bidwell for the
Presidency, but they didn't get the con-
tract.
''rm mashed on you.' remarked the
mosquito to the young lady, as she
slapped it.
1t was real turtle that won the race
against the hare. A mock turtle would
have got in the soup.
stWeIl, [ must be off, as the firecrack- |
er remarked when the spark got i'll its
business centre.
Mrs. Snooper-"Mrs. Stagger's baby is
bottle fed" Snooper-"Takes after it's
daddy already, does it?'
A Dublin doctor lately sent in a bill
to a lady which ran thus: ITO curing
your husband till he died"
A State exchange makes the startling
statement that thin people are very
thick in this ne1ghborhood.
Hicks-"What bright fellow Twemio
is" Bricks-"Yes, he always looks on
the bright side. He's timer
my lord" said the foreman of an
Irish jury while giving in his verdict,
1--WE find the man who stole the horse
not guilty"
young Whizz is living a rather fast
life now, isn't he?'' Eyes, he has to, you
know. He's conductor on an express
train
The Persians shave themselves as
sign of mourning. How much better it
is to shave others and let them do the
mourning.
"Why don't you have some stlle about
your" said the man who had looked
along a mile of barbed wile fence for an
entrance.
Il don't suppose" said the teacher,
'that any little boy here has ever seen
whale mo, sir came the answer,
s.but I've felt one.''
L
held up for examples, and now and then
they've been held up for what they had
about their old clothes
''Have you read my last novel, my
dear friend?' sCertainly." "Well, and
how did you like it?'' 81 laid the book
down with the greatest satisfaction"
First PIayer-''I dreamt last night I
was playing Hamlet Second Player
81 am very thankful to say that / did
not dream that | was one of your audi
ence."
Richmann-"I have decided to make
no will" Lawyer-"Then the law will
divide your estate" Richmann-"Well,
that is better than letting the lawyers
divide it,"
ooh, this is two easy" as the highs
wayman remarked when he grabbed
note of that denomination from the Its
tie country girl who had been sent to
the store.
'This thing is getting monotonous,"
remarked the member of the crooked
fraternity. "I'm either breakin' into
houses or breakin out of Jail, and finan
cially broke all the time.''
The Hon. Eclat Jones (orator of the
the day)-"Feller citerzens, it has been
said dat writes my orations. 1 de-
nounce de 'cusation as false and SANDER
GUS. Teller citerzens, | KANT write.''
Hostess-''What has become of Sandy
Smith, who stood SO high in your class?''
Aiumnus-"Oh, he's taken orders. y
Hostess-He's in the ministry, then?'
Alumnus-'No; in restaurant
''I'd like a job, sir, as waiter" said the
applicant. ''You have had experience
in waiting, SUPPOSE" queried the res
taurant proprietor. Indeed l have.''
For bow long?" why, sir, I've taken
meals at restaurants for twelve years.
Proprietor-"What are you taking
back there?" Waiter-"Customer sent
this beefsteak back; say he couldn't cut
it," Proprietor examining it)-"Take
it right back to him and tell him he'll
nave to pay for it, We can never use it
again; he has bent it all out of shape"