San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1892-03-11
MISCELLANIES.

An Assignment.-"Mr. Coilum,
said the city editor to one of his re
! porters, lido you drink"
mo, sir?n
az wish you would acquire tn
liquor habit, for I want you to max
personal test of one OF the new spe
cities Tor drunkenness and write 1t VI
in good style."-Judge.
Perfectly Willing. Reporter: Tn,
Daily Catchall wishes to print you
picture in to-morrow's issue. Will
you let us have photograph
Imported Star Certainly. Marie
where's that portrait had taken OF
my wedding day?
I'll get it in q moment, madam. It's
in your granddaughter album
New York Weekly.
The Smallest Man In It.-Manager:
Have you finished those play bills?
And put all the names on IL?
Printer-Yes, sir, 1 think so. l
have on the names of the actors, the
manager, the stage manager, the gas
man. Good heavens! have left of
the name OF the dramatist.
Manager-Ob, that doesn't matter.
Ochu ~ thO thCotkO
mediately.-Town Topics.
The Public Not Considered Young
Lady (frankly): know you are very
famous Mr.. Grestname; butaIthough
/ have read number OF your ARTICLES
I did not like them one bit,
Mr.. Greatname literary lion)-Of
course, you didn't like them, my dear
young lady. How could you? They
were not written to please the pub
lie.
Young Lady-Nos written to please
the public?
Mr.. Greatrame-No, indeed. They
were written to please the magazine
editors.-Puck.
Tariff Pictures.-Since the McKin.
ley Tariff law went into effect there
have been notable reductions In the
price of staple jokes OF general con-
sumption: n...-.
Where the witticism about the slow
messenger boy formerly brought 25
cents, it can now be obtained for Is
cents.
The goat and the circus.postor jest
once brought so cents per jestlet
Now 1t goes begging at so cents per
dozen.
Witticisms about the responsiveness
of the Chicago girls foot once fetched
as high as IS cents In the joke
market. Now no publisher will pay
more than Is cents. ..a-
Mother-in-law jokes, once in great
demand at ST. are now practically un-
sa liable. We quote 5 cents per dozen
IS the price.
The merry piece of wit about the
pater familias who sets the dog on
his daughier's young man, OCCASION
ally brought as high ss $3.50. Now
the joke constructor Is lucky If he
gets 25 cents for ii.
Plumber jokes and those about the
ice man, once commanded brick sale
at 50 cents each. Now Is cents is the
maximum price. -........
These things show the inestimable
value OF the new tariff law.-Brook.
Ign Life. .n... ..g.es
He (a poet)-Poets are born, not
She-Don't say that; you will dis
courage mstrimony.-St. Louis Life.
Rimer (enteripq the editorial sane.
tum)I have written 8 poem on the
grip. S.r.
Editor (who Ia Just over q severe
attack of the mslady)- Well. It de-
serves it.-Brooklyn Life.
He Filled the Bill Advertiser:
Are you good at figures? ...
Applicant-I am q plumber by
trade, and
Advertiser-Considcr yourself on.
gaged-Judge
She-You say this valentine is ST.
and this So. Why, 1 see very little
difference.
Clark-The 80 one, miss, mas no
poetry i'm Little.
Poets Wife-The wolf is at the
door.
Poet-Bring him in, and I'll read
him what I've just written. He
won't trouble us anymors.-Kate
Fields Washington.
A Grand PIan.-"How do you make
your paper go, anyhow? 1 never see
it anywhere
"We print pictures of prominent
men and they buy it,"
"To distributor
"Oh, no, to destroy Tl,l.