The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-06-14

WCtluI uebn pEeuutTut ~ young WohsH !
dere amt no spbjeck dat's so many
sided an SO complex an so nahd to
master "a dis var all absorbin' one OBJ
girls. Oh course IL may seem strange
to you dat ane ole man like me should
purtend TO know anything about SIGH
Nh jntricklsh,. delicate subieck, but ]
may remin' yaSdat wuz young once
myself, an wax what is known us a
'reg'lar lah-de,dah. used to go roun'
considerable 'ulongst de girls, an learned
some tings den'wichi hab nebber for
got since. hab also watched, from de
superior STANDPOINT OBJ ole age, de gyra-
lions and de peeulyar'ties OBJ de young
women OBJ de present day, and wild yer
kline attenshun m relieve my mind oh
some oh my simple ideas on dis berry
important matter.
''De ambishnu OBJ slmos' cherry young
man, deah breddern, is to fine wife
datil be a helpmaie an companion ;
who'll be a consolation to him wen
tings doan go right nohow: woman
who'll help him. 10 draw de great load
OBJ his worries an ,cafes an trubbles up
de hill oh youth, an cheer him wild her
sunny smile wen dcy reach de top an
commence siippin' down de long. steep
decline OBJ ole age; . woman who'll be a
Help an not h;ndrance to him in his
progress through life, q woman, inshort,
who'll make his home so happy dat he
won't eben envy DO angels up in Heb
ben. Dis, dean breddern, is de young
mans ambishunwen he stahts out; but
he fines in goin' rouu' among de girls OBJ
his acquaintance atit's II mighty hahd
lob to fine one dat fills do bill. Dere's
girls enough, de Lawd knows, but de
young man dat wants to fine one datll
make him an ideal wife has nearly as
hahd task before him as Columbus
had wen he stahted out to discover
America In de fust place he's handi-
capped in several different ways becuZ
he nebber sees any OBJ de girle as dey
really are. He goes up to de door OBJ de
case may be, dressed in his Sunday go
to-meetfn's. and rings de bell. She
opens de door wild sudden swiftness
dat almos' takes de young man of his
feet an welcome him wild q pleased
smile dat stretches clear across her face,
an runs ober into de pretty curls dat
surroun' it, like babblin' brook over
runnin' its banks on spring mawnin'.
"De girl is dressed in a pooty frock,
all trimmed wild ribbons an furbelows;
her hams an face hab been nicely
washed; cherry hair on her head is
curled carefully, ants in its OWL. place;
dainty stockints an slippers show off
her feet 10 de best advantage, an alto
gether che makes,a berry pooty picture
as she sits. in carefully studied way,
in n big roekin' chair unde de piano
lamp, wild dc light tallin' on de bes'
side OBJ. her face, wick she neber torgits
to keep turned toward de young man.
"Do young man an de girl sit an
talk for two or three hours. deah BRED
dern, about de wedier an plays, an
baseball an SIGH interesting subiecks;
dey discuss de relative merits OF Ada
Rehan an Fanny Davenport, OBJ Shakes.
peare an Sardou, vile de clock ticks on
In it's tired way. She raves about de
pufIeck ct OBJ Herbert Kelcey's trousers,
an de hebbeniy look in Robert Man.
tells eyes, while he tells her in an en-
frusiastic way about the manner in
which Amos Rusie struck out fifteen
men at de Polo greNs' in game OBJ bal!
"About eleben O'clock dc young man
stahts to go; he takes his hat, tells de
Young woman dat ha has had berry
pleasant ebenin', aud goes down de
street tinkin dat Maud is berry nice
soht OBJ girl and feClin' somehow dat
she'd make berry good soht OBJ vile
for some one else; an Maud goes up
stairs an takes off her furbelows an
tixin's an stans face to face wild herself
in her true character OBJ dcceiveress.
"Dc mex night de Young man calls on
Mabel. an a similar programme is gone
fri wild, only dat, as he knows Mabel
longer. dan lie knows Maud, he sits on
de sofa wild her, an vile do lamp burns
low spen's de time holdin' fast to Ma
bells more or less slender waist, and
kissin' Mabsl'A iuore or less rosy mouf,
vile Mabel fills up'do gap in do kissin'
by Ghewin' gum.
Gwen de young man breaks away
from Mabel he goes home wild yard
wide yearnin' In his heart for girl who
has mind above kissin' an gum chew
in, an although Mabel lays de fattrin'
runxshun to her soul dat dc young man
is-in her language-'plum stuck on
her. dc young nlar6.on dc udder. han
knows dat he amt BY de longest kline OBJ
shot.
OBJ de young women OBJ de present day
aro as follows:
"Dey know too much about baseball
an not enutF about biscuits.
"Dey apeu' too much time learnin'
how to curl dere front hair, an not
enuff studyin' how to cook q beef
steak.
"Dey are up to date in slang, but be-
him de times in sense.7'
"Dsy kin paralyze de neighboorhood
by sweepin' up de street wild a trained
dress, but when 1t comes to sweepin'
up de house wild common everyday
broom, dey doan seem to be OF any
more use dan las years almanac.
'In case any OBJ de young women OBJ
my hock should take atfense at what
I've said in dis sermon, ] will add dat,
OBJ course, do young men OBJ de present
dRy amt much oh an Improvement on
de girls, an to make tlnga chen, I'll
elaborate ON dere faults in some future
discourse.
"once in awhile a young man fines
girl who is an excepshun to de general
run OBJ bang-curlint iurbelowed, slang
slingin' fairies, an wen he doee, he
marrios h0r an settles down TO q wed.
ded life full OBJ peace an happiness.
"De man dat hez foun' SIGH jewel,
deah breddorn, ought to kneel down
cherry night an tank do Lawd for de