The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-07-31

msrest farces. | overheard very original
| proposal and acceptance the other day. 1t
| was at the seashore, aud | had been
amusing myself by watching a couple wh1
were two of the most arrant spoons | had
| ever met. Every chance they got there was
| a hard sqeeze. tender look or furJive
caress OF some kind. After dark / went out
| for a stroll along the beach and again fell III
with the lOve-makers. They occupied the
| beach next TO me. 1t was one of those de-
| lghtful June evenings-not too warm for
holding hands and sitting close together.
| They were enjoying every minute of it.
| Finally, after wandering and isjOinted
conversation, he screwed up his courage and
put the question:
Darling, will you be my wifeG'
! Beauty was the subject OF discussion,
says Clara Belle in the Times Democrat.
1t was at fashionable summer resort. A
dozen or more of ladies' we're congregated In
! the hotel parlor one rainy morning relating
the mishaps and drawbacks consequent
upon their respective physical defects.
| had been trying to read a new novel, but
| gave 1t up in despair. They all talked at
/ once. Deep voices and shrill voices mingled
in an increasing hubbub. Shakespeare had
found books in running brooks. Why
might not find them in running tongues
| So resolved to listen
The fat and frank girl first had her say:
10, girls, you don't know what it is to be
| fat. IL is dreadful can't ride horseback
| | can't waltz, aud | can't can't get any
body to hug me. They don't want to I'M
dertake the job. Their arms would only
reach half way round.n
Tho others title cd and giggled, and
! thereupon thin girl spoke up: Excuse
me. but I'd rather be fat than thin. No one
likes thin girl I'm condemned forever
to wear high necks. When winter comes
I'm always shivering, turning blue and
| looking pinched up as if | was either hungry
or thinly clad. Boys don't want to hug
me, either never asked them, but brother
| Harry pushes me away and calls me Bag
o. Bones. Think of the pet names they be-
stow upon me-Lath, Rail. dashboard!
Even the children don't want to lay their
hands on my neck o, girls. it's awful
| it's awfulm
The others didn't laugh this time, and l
really believe they felt sorry for the thin
girl.
80, that's nothing" cried a suffering
| girl. "Jj~1ust w-w-watch m-m-me f-f-for
| a m-m-oment.n
But she got no further. There was a
burst Of laughter. Then the girl with the
large hands and the girl with the large feet
| had their says. but they failed to awaken
| much sympathy. At last the frecked girl
asked for permission to speak; "Girs your
burdens are feather-light compared to niue,
| Look at me with my beautiful skin all spot
| ted as IL 1t had been iron rusted. I've tried
| rything that | ever heard Of but all ia
vain. | can't get rid of them. They call
| me 'Speckled Beautyp Isn't that fine pet
name2 and every time l 60 to
the photographers Pm insulted. why,
miss, he exclaims. Il must charge you extra
to clean the plate Why, yes, girls. you
ought to SEQ the proofs. They are positively
Oh.
| black as ink and | look for all the world like
piece Of spatter work. Your troubles are
nothing compared TO mine, l don't believe
| / can ever got married, and TX | should find
a man foolish enough TO take me, he, too, |
suppose, will call me his Spot
| Thereupon the seance broke up, and
realized that had been listening 10 u moral
| lesson, viz: Bear your physical defects
| without a murmur, for every one has one
of some sort, although she may be more
sklllful than you are in covering it up.
| A college professor. says the New York
| Tribune, recently dropped into a prayer
meeting in the district where dairy inter-
ests are supreme and heard a Raunt old
dairyman pray as follows: "Help US, o
| Lord to follow thee, no matter what John,
Mary, Martha. Bill, Tom and all the rest
may say. Make US through trains for the
Lord, not stopping at every little station
| where they happen to see a milk can put
out Don't lei us fire blank cartridges ri
| the devil load up with shot and shell. Help
| US to cut off the corns and the bunlons that
keep our feet from walking in the way OF
the Lord"
| A careful uptown mother. says Clara
| Belle in the Cincinnati Enquirer said &c
me: "W hen my girls come back TO towl
in the fall am determined 10 institute q
reform in this matter Of kissing. After
mature thought have reached the conclu'
sion that the kissing habit is learned, not
| from the young mon, but from the young
women. Let d couple OF their chums DROP
In TO see my girls, and Immediately the
| kissing begins. They are genuine and
we'll defined kisses, often twice and thrice
| repeated. 1t Is abominable / am morally
certain that my girls acquired the kissing
habit in this way, and once acquired how
easily is It TO extend its application to the
young men visiting them. Once educate
| the muscles of the neck and face so that
they readily and quickly elevate the chin.
and bring about the needful prOtrusIon
aud quicker Of the lips, and the thing is
| done. All that young man has
| to do is make the usual forward movement
| with the face, when instantly the girl re-
spends before she has tine TO bethink her-
| self-there is the approximation of the lips,
1
| the noise of its destruction when the lips
are drawn apart. l tell you, my dear, I'm
! firmly resolved 70 break up this ridiculous
| Kissing habit between my girls and their
| girl chums. Such performances are veri-
| table apprenticeships. They learn every
quality Of kiss from the soft, noiseiess and
| loDR-contlnued TO the quick, je5ky snappY
sort. 1t nay be the mock turtle as com-
pared to the green; but you know, my dear,
that many Of our greatest gourmets prefer
| the mock to the real turtle. Pm sure do
| So, therefore. say no more Of this primary
tuition in the art of oscillation"
| A young woman who has a beautifully
rounded throat, with lovely neck and arms
| 10 match, attributes Der beauty in that di-
rection to the following simple course OF
| treatment:
ITO begin with, you must DO prepared for
a somewhat disagreeable odor and the ruin
alton of your night robe; therefore, put
aside your oldest gowns ana go to work by
yourself aud you will work wonders In three
| weeks. The process is merely Amounting
with cod liver oil every night. Pour LITTLE
in the palm of your hand, and Commences
| at the bend OF the elbow, rubbing It well in
| with an upward and circular movement
| der. Do not pour out much at time. as 1t
must be thoroughly rubbed in. Next treat
| the armpits the same way, then the Dust,
| the abdomen, the groin and the legs down
| TO the knees. II will take you good half