davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
DARBY PROVERBS.
Quaint and Characteristic Bits of wit and
wisdom.


Wisdom.
No more comprehensive or pessimistic
line could be formulated by the most
culture wearied scholastic than this
proverb of the cotton fields:
Live. learn: die and forgit all"
The most optimistic. easy going race
on earth, they have put all of their pes
simism out of their hearts into their
proverbs, as for instances;
faint no good ter kill de crane
after he done fly ober de comb OBJ de
roof and call for a corpse"
who but fool III hang up horse
shoe on de upper limb ter make belt
ed tree grow off fast"
Mistakes amt haystacks or dered
be mo- fat ponies dan what dere is"
These accentuate the worth TO the
human race Of labor and sorrow:
Troubles Is valuable: ev'y bile on
yer flesh is worth good five dollar to
you"
"Plowin' in de cotton patch amt easy,
but dry corn cakes amt good and
greasy.
In their preaching, telling of reli-
gious experiences, praying and singing,
they are wonderfully virile and original
of speech:
"De preacher can't do nothin' widout
de singer: no mo- N de ak blade kin rive
a log widout de swing of de helve be-
hind it."
Many of their aphorisms embody that
happy-go-lucky carelessness that is so
much a part OF the negro character.
"You can't in nifty year work put as
much gold in yo' pocket as de moon kin
put in des a-house of yaller summer
night"
de LATEST man kin make de bigges'
fire"
"Tarryin' amt carryin' an hits heap
easier work; eff de rabbit des git 9
chance ter stop in de race ana lick his
fore foot, den de dog sho' can't ketch
brer bunny in dat days race"
Weather signs good for some folks.
but when de corn silks, den don't wake
me in de midst of de night ter tell me
de summers come"
"A pack er lies is like pack err cur
dogs; dee don't excite nor disturb no.
body but dem what sicks 'em and sends
EN-"
Little sense or silence'll stop big
fuss; stick straw in de ear of de bilin'
pot and Z won't bile over. Martha
Young, in Chautauquan.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
TOM THUMBS Triple.
The Dwsrfs Ingenious Device TO Obtain
His Teddy.


His Teddy.
Gen. Tom Thumb became a slave to
the drink habit in his latter days. After
Barnum had taken him to Europe and
had advertised him very extensively q
shrewd theatrical manager conceived
the idea of starring him in lilliputian
play. A contract was signed and the
tour began The general had no dra-
matte ability, but the play gave him very
little work to do and people turned out
to see the famous little man whom Bar.
NUNS genius had made known the
world over. He proved great draw
drink heavily and very often disap-
pointed large audiences by being unable
10 appear.
After seeing his money squandered "a
this manner until patience ceased to bs.
a virtue the manager decided to adopt
heroic measures. He set himself tc
watch the general and never let tho
little fellow get out of his sight for a
moment.
AT st. Louis the manager had ocea.
sion to leave the hotel for an hour and,
determined not to take any chances,
locked the general in his room. When
he returned he was struck speeches.
with establishment. The door was
locked. but stretched upon the floor
was Tom Thumb, as drunk as lord.
No sooner had the manager left than
the general ratified the door until he
attracted the attention of a bellboy.
Slipping dollar under the door, he in
structed the boy to go TO saloon, buy
. pint of whisky and an ordinary clay
lipe. When the boy returned the gem
sral told him TO put the pipestem
through the keyhole and pour the
liquor into the pipe-bowl. He did so,
and the dwarf. standing on tiptoe,
placed his lips to the pipestem and
drank himself into total unconscious
ness.-Chicago Mail.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
THE THoUeHTLEss DARLING.
sho Blocks Street Tranic While Buying
Few LIlacs.


A pretty young girl stopped a cab in
which she was riding in front of the
New York entrance of the Brooklyn
bridge 10 buy bunch of lilacs from
street vender. The cab came to a stand
still just at the bridge entrance, with
the hind wheels across the tracks on
which the Avenue Il, Third and Fourth
avenue cars run and blocked traffic for
half an hour. There were about twelve
cars and fifty vehicles of all kinds
tangled up in an almost hopeless block
ade.
The bridge policemen, in their efforts
to make the vehicles move on, seemed
TO forget the fact that the little girl in
the cab was still in the way, and appar-
emily unconscious of the trouble she
had caused, fumbled in her pocketbook
for change to pay the vender, who
hung on to the open cab door.
The cabby, fearing that his cab would
be damaged and the swinging door torn
off by the angry drivers Of wagons and
trucks about him, whipped up his horse.
Then the little girl put one dainty foot
out on the step and swinging her body
out of the doorway, berated cabby for
his carelessness.
Don't you see that / am busy?" she
said. How rude of you to start up be-
fore tell you to go!"
Then a big policeman came along,
drove the vender away and closed the
cab door. At the same time another
policeman took the cab horse by the
bride and led him away. The weeping
lilac vender overlook the cab containing
his little customer and received the
money in payment for the flowers. II
was fully twenty minutes after that
before traffic on the thoroughfare was
al NJ " Ron,rlo..
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

The Chicago, Milwaukee IL st. Paul Ry.
is the favorite:
1t IL the oldest and was first in the field.
It's train service is the very best
IL is the first to adopt improvements.
It's sleepers ere palaces on wheels
1t runs elegant Drawing Room sleepers
on all night trains.
It's trains are lighted by electricity
IL runs luxurious chair cars on all day
trains.
1t is the only line using the electric berth
lamp.
Its dining car service is unexcelled.
It's trains run solid to Milwaukee and
Chicago.
II is the best route TO st. Louis and the
South.
1t is the best route to Kansas City and
the West.
Il runs four daily trains 10 Milwaukee
and Chicago.
IL runs two daily trains TO St Louis and
Kansas City.
IL Is the Government Fast Mail Route.
IL is popularity styled the "Old Reliable. !"
II furnishes safety, comfort and speed to
patrons.
For information as to the lowest rates to
all points in United States, and Canada via
THE MILWAUKEE," apply to any Coupon
Ticket Agent, or TO
J. 7. CosLEY, Asst Genl Pass. Agent,
st Paul, Mimi.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys-
TEN effectually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro-
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in It's
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in Soc
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. Do not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA Fic SYRUP co.
SAY FRANCISCO, CAL.
LOUISVILLE. IN. NEW Y0RK. M.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
WIT AND WISDOM.


The punishment of falsehood is to
suspect all truth.-Boyle O'Reilly.
There is no substitute for thorough
going, ardent and sincere earnestness.
Charles Dickens.
Justice so often gets a black eye 1t
is no wonder she keeps a bandage over
them. Inter Ocean.
Did any one ever see a woman who
could look intelligent while talking to
O baby?-Atchison Globe.
Men are very much like dogs; the
more worthless they are the more they
howl when they get hurt-Atchison
Globe
There is often room for much cour-
age in speech, courage not so much to
maintain opinions as to confess igno-
rance.
Half the world doesn't know how
the other half lives, and isn't quite sure
how it is going TO get along itself
Somerville Journal.
An insult from certain sources is a
compliment When an ass kicks at you
he does 50 because he recognizes that
you are unlike him.-Texas Siftings.
directory is the only place where
public man is sure of seeing his name
mentioned with respect. Washington
Star.
YESTERDAY / told Schlegelmayer
that bis club consisted of blockheads,
and &c day | hear that | have been
electo AN honorary memberr'-Flie-
gende Blatter.
--Ringley-What on earth did you
corner the leather market to-day for?
Bingo-My wife is going away for the
summer soon, and / wanted it for trunk
straps. -Harper's Bazaar.
Cupid lie getting bow and arrows
ready for the summer season. A pecu-
liarity of his shooting is that the more
Mrs he makes the better the girls are
pleased. -Philadelphia Times.
Report comes from London of the
discovery of the thistle as an article of
food for man as well as beast. The
thistle certainly has some very fine
points " onlkers Statesman
Sympathy, dear friends, is sweet,
but the hest brand of sympathy does
consist la going TO see a sick person
and cheering him up by Dragging that
you never felt 50 well in all your life.
-Boston Transcript
When we have practiced good ac-
tions awhile they become easy; and
when they are easy, we begin TO take
pleasure in them; and when they please
us, we do them frequently; and by
frequency of acts, they grow into
habit.
The right faith of man is not in
tended to give him repose, but to en-
able him 10 do his work. 1t is not in
tended that he should look away from
the place he lives in now, and cheer
himself with thoughts of the place he
is 10 live in next, but that he should
look stoutly into the world, in faith
that, IL he does his work well here,
some good to others or himself will
come Of il hereafter.-Ruskin.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
GAMBLING WITH OYSTERS.
Fools sit Around for Three Hours waiting
for a Bivalye 10 Cape.

Fools sit Around for Three Hours Waiting
for a Bivalve 10 Cape.
The oyster is becoming demoralized.
II was enough to be expensive. lie has
lent himself 20 gambling and bad
habits, and becomes the cause of ex.
pense in others. The oyster game be.
gan in Ostend. il is said, where q party
of gamblers. having sat down to din.
ner. some fresh oysters were brought
in. Immediately one backed his oyster
to cape first. The idea was hailed with
the greatest enthusiasm. A set OF im
promptu rules was drawn up. each on,
Of the dozen guests selected his oyster
and the contest began. The first oys
ter to yawn was 70 gett entire stakes
Half an hour passed. and not one o;
the oysters showed the slightest dispo
sition to open. Down below stairs the
cook was swearing volubly, and giving
up his roasts and entrees for worse thar
lost But the oysters were not in any
hurry. and the diners were so engrossed
with their bivalves that they had en-
tirely forgotten their appetites.
An hour slipped by, and still the oys-
tiers gave no sign of opening. The
stakes were doubled just 10 heighten
the excitement Word of the contest
had reached the Casino. and when the
second hour of the contest was begun
the dining-table was surrounded by q
crowd of lookers-on, who caught the
gamblers enthusiasm. They picked
out their favorite oysters, and in one
or more cases actually backed them to
the extent of six hundred pounds. An.
other half hour. and the oysters re
manned as administrative as ever.
The excitement becaue intense. Al
last Just as the third hour was com
pleted, one of the oysters CAPPED feebly
several times and then fell wide open
on its owners plate. This poor oyster
had had some thing of thirst on and
couldn't stand the close atmosphere OF
its own shell any longer. When the
lucky owner of this oyster came &c
count his winnings he found that they
amounted to seven thousand pounds
Oyster matches became instantly the
rage at 0stend, and since then they
have become equally popular inParia
San Francisco Newsletter
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
rha nrue Cleric. LIZ

"The drug clerks life is not always a
happy one" said an attendant in one of
the most prominent uptown stores the
other day. "Of course you imagine we
have nothing to do, but just think of
keeping the store open fifteen hours a
day and then when you get nicely to
sleep the night bell plays dead march
in your ear and no matter what your
condition is up you get and then. ten
chances to one, the customer, who pa
tiently awaits your coming, asks: Have
you any two-cent stamps?' OF course
we don't object to filling prescription
or supplying medicine. but in my note
book have entered during the week
twelve calls, three of which were all
right, but among the other nine were
two requests for stamps; one man
wanted some insect powder, another
harness sponge and the remaining five
applications were for candy, cigars and
the use of our city directory. r-Phila-
delphia Record.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

occasional groans Then there was
crack, and tiny ray of light was WISH
BILE in the iron floor. Scarcely daring
to breathe, so great was my interest |
watched Gradually the line of light
grew broader. and presently the
whole plate, some two feet broad
by four feet long, was raised
up, gently and gradually, and laid over.
Then head appeared. The light be-
low shone on tne face, and l at once
recognized our comprador, Hal Ling.
He emerged from below quietly and
quickly, and stood so close To me that
I could have touched him. A second
head appeared. II was that of a Jap
anese. and he stood alongside of the
comprador. A third came up. also a
Japanese. They had walked beautiful
ly into the trap.
They remained for n few minutes
listening; then swiftly and quietly
they commenced TO hand the boxes of
gold '.yen" through the opening in the
floor TO somebody below. At that mo-
ment | gave low whistle, and all three
of us sprang out with cooked revolvers,
and each seized his man. Hal Ling
and his friends were so completely sur
prised by the suddenness and swiftness
of our action that they neither uttered
a sound nor made the least show of re-
sistance. We turned our lanterns full
on, and called in the watchmen-whose
amazement at the scene presented TO
them can better be imagined than de.
scribed-and then, having secured our
prisoners, proceeded to explore their
mode of access.
We found that neat little tunnel
had actually been cut through the con.
crete foundation of the treasury, pass.
ing under our front garden and the
road, and coming out exactly on the
site of the shrub in the garden OPP
posite. Here we found two Japanese
gentlemen. who had taken flight along
the tunnel when they heard the arrest
of their friends. held fast by the police.
men i had engaged.
So at one blow a laid An Moons
ghost. II l had not happened 10 read
in the London newspaper how at Pom.
peii there had been discovered a tunnel
cut from the surface and leading into
one of the buried buildings. by treasure.
hunters, the skeleton of one of whom
had been found. should have been toe
late; the robbers would have carried
out their design. and the bank would
have been poorer by many thousands
of dollars.
Mr.. Hal Ling got his deserts Hi:
Japanese accomplices would have beeI
executed on lobe hill but for the inter.
vention of the British consul; and got
promotion for my share in the laying o.
All Moons ghost-Chambers' Journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
A BUSY MAN.
why the Tramp Was Obliged to Refuse
Work.

why the Tramp Was Obliged to Refuse
Work.
Just as a Cass avenue man turned in
to his gate he met tramp coming out.
Here" said the gentleman, you're
the very man I'm looking for"
II hain't done nothing, SIR" pleaded
the tramp.
''Oh, l don't suppose you have.
don't imagine you ever did, but want
you TO now"
What is t,sir?' trembled the tramp.
"Wiu you do some work for me out
there in the back yard right away?"
The wanderers face lost its lines of
care for he felt that he was safe.
"rd love to, sir" he said. ''love to the
best IN the world, but really l can't do
it now, for I'm busy"
'Busy?" and the gentleman's sur
prise was manifest in his tone
Eyes, sir; busy"
sBusy at what, I'd like to know?"
BUSY tryin' to git bite, sir.
haven't had any thing to eat, since last
night, and I've been to fifty houses.
Your cook refused me not five minutes
ago, and I've got to hustle er go hun
CRY. I'm dead sorry, sir, but you'll
have to get somebody else to work.
Bye bye" and he SHE'D around the cor
ner and got away.-Detroit Free Press
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
engineers, and il they came together,

engineers, and IL they came together,
the wreck would be horrible one.
"The ssorm continued to increase in
force. ar peal after peal of thunder re-
echoed over and above the little sta
ton. Sill the wreclxer at the key kept
steadily a. work weaving his web of
destruction. Suddenly he called ont in
voice of mingled satisfaction and
devilish ylee:
"'Ah! that fixes the matter all right.
Forty-seven has signed the orders at
the water tank, and in ten minutes
they'll go together Tell the men to
spread out up
"IIe never finished the sentence. A
binding fash AT the switchboard. n
shrek from the wreclSer and the Office
appeared TO be one mass OF flame My
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

Mrs. Van Winkle-I hear that your
son, who has been away so many ycsrs,
has returned?
Mrs. Won Blumer-Oh, yes; and do
you know didn't recognize the boy at
first he had so changed
Mrs. Van Winkle Didn't he have any
distinguishing mark?
Mrs. Won Blnmer-oh, yes. finally
identified him by his porous plaster
n. Y Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
BABY.

Bright eyes, They're baby's eyes.
ulumined with heavens own light.
They seem TO tell OF sun-lit skies,
OF Starland broad and bright
Sweet lipsi They're haby's lips,
Just smiling for a kiss;
Not cen the sweets the hum-bird sips
Are half ss sweet as this.
Pair facet lis baby's face,
All fresh and pure from Heaven:
OH vas there ever such face
To other mortals given'
Wee haudsi They're baby's hands.
So dainty ard so dear.
q. baby hands, a strong hearts bands
Are twined about you here
Wee .eeti They're baby's feet
Pink. dimpled. soft and small:
Within my hands they lightly meet
Ny little lifel Ny all
Yet this is Just one baby life
One shrine OF worship here
How many million millions more
Some other hearts hold dear
Josie F. Csppleman, in Detroit Free Press
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
successful Ireatment.

hrs. Hojack-Dr. Kapsool makes a
speciality of reducing fat people, but
Mr.. Keedick has been under his treat
ment for year without the desired re-
suit.
Hoiack-I am not so sure about that
Keedick mortgaged his house yesterday
10 pay Kapsoofs bilL-Truth.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
he Only One Ever Printed-Can You Find

There is a inch display advertisement
in this paper, this week, which has no two
words alike except one word The same is
true Of each new one appearing each week,
from The DR. Harter Medicine Co. This
house places a Crescent on everything
they make and publish. Look for il, send
them the name of the word and they will
return you book, beautiful Autographs or
samples free.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
po.h S;dss Admitted T,

Both Sides Admitted It.-Gargoyle
THE jury in the swaybacL case
must have been composed of very ig-
norant men" Gummy-"Wby?" Gar
goyle-"The lawyers on both aide.
asked the judge to instruct them, DE
troit Free Press
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
shut Your Ears

To the representations of INSCRIPTIONS
dealers who tell you that their bogus nos
trums and local bitters are Identical with
or akin TO Hostetters Stomach Bitters.
Such statements are false. Ask for, and in
sist upon having, the genuine article. which
is a well-ascertained remedy for malaria,
dyspepsia, liver complaint rheumatism,
kidney disorder and the infirmities incident
10 age.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
August.
Flower

used August Flower for Loss of
vitality and general debility. After
taking two bottles 1 gained 90 lbs.
/ have sold more of your August
Flower since have been in business
than any other medicine ever kept.
Mr.. Peter Zinville says he was made
a new man by the use of August
Flower, recommended by me. |
have hundreds tell me that August
Flower has done them more good
than any other medicine they ever
took. GEORGE w. DYE, Sardis,
Mason Co., KY. 8
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

AMAN's days are numbered, but he can
not recover any OF the back numbers
Puck
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

and all Bronchial, Throat, and Lung affec-
tons, that is the only remedy so unfailing
that il can be guaranteed If it doesn't
benefit or cure, you have your money back.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

MANS system is like a town, it must be
well drained and nothing is so efficient
Beecham's Pills. For sale by all druggists.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

THERE is something wrong with the
mans head who falls down on the same
banana skin twice
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

WE will give 500 reward for any case Of
catarrh that cannot be cured with Halls
Catarrh Cure Taken internally
F. j. CHENEY a. Co, Proprs., Toledo, o.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

No MATTER how little man gets here be-
low be never gets quite all OF H. Dallas
News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

s'HARD lInes.n said Mr.. Flunker, when he
couldn translate passage in Homer
Yale Record.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

Is a summer hotel there always seems TO
be room at the top-Texas Siftings.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28
The Reasons Why

LITTLE VIcToR-''Mamma,m my hands are
dirty; shall wash them or put on glovesn
Paris Figaro
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

A FOOI-hOLD
for Consumption is what you
are offering, if your blood is
impure. Consumption is simp-
ly Lung Scrofula. A scrofu-
Ilous. condition, with a slight
cough or cold, is all that it
needs TO develop it.
But just as it depends upon
the blood for its origin, so il
upon the blood for
its cure. The surest remedy
for Scrofula ia every form,
the most effective blood-cleans-
er, fiesh-builder, and strength
restorer that's known to medi-
cal science, is Doctor Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery.
For Consumption in all its
earlier stages, and for Weak
n ..,,rrr. A 90 ls,na Gaxras-s. ftr.srdrbe
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

A LITTLE behind hand-The train-bearing
page.-Puck.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

TIME and tide wait for no mans three
months note-Texas Siftings.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-07-28

No matter how long you've had Catarrh,
or how severe, DIR. Sage's Remedy will effect
a permanent cure $500 reward is offered
by the proprietors of this medicine, for an
incurable case of Catarrh