Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1892-01-21
OUR, BUDGET OF HUMoR
VARIOUS COMlcALITIEs OF RE-
CENT PRODUCTION.
Curious and Laughable Phases Of
Life--Queer Sayings and Side
Splitting Incidents.
Didn't Know Maggie.

|
the middle seats of a Western rail
road train, with her elegant belong
ings beside her.
At Peterville long, sallow, Ratchet
faced woman in a green and black
calico dress founced to the waist and
a yellow sunbonnet lined with pink,
boarded the train, marched down the
aisle past several empty seats and
pumped herself down by the side OF
the "blue-blood" lady, carelessly
sweeping that lady's belongings aside
and saying calmly:
81 guess I'll set here so as to have
company. Coin fer?"
'To Denver"
"You air? Where you from?"
Boston"
"Boston We'll, do declare! Twas
born i'll Yarmouth myself, but I ant
never been back since left there, 80
year ago the third day ofnext month.
So We air clean from Boston?"
81 am," icily.
"Lived there long,"
':All OF my life F."
els that SO? Borned there?"
"Yes."
"Well, 1 do declare! Now, 1 amt a
mite O. doubt but you've some time
or other bumped agin a own niece I've
got livin' out in Boston. Mebbe yer
we'll 'ouainted with her. Her name
Maggie Smith, and she's my sister
Sary's youngest. | ant never seen
her, but I've got pilot osraft of her
and l tell you she ant behind no one
when it comes to putin on style. An
| tell you she's smart. AS smart as
ever they make 'em.
'She's got on big gold chain and
six rings in the pilot and silk
dress, and she's just style itself
reckon like as not you know her
She's lived there five years, Name
Maggie Smith. Know her?"
81 do not, madam"
We'll, I'll tell you what you do
When you go back jes hunt Mag up
and tell her you met her Aunt Jimmy
Sipes on the train, and you'll be all
right with Mag after that, for she
thinks a heap OF me, and you jest say
Jimmy Sipes' to Mag and she'll neigh.
Dor with you from that time on
Lemme see; what street do you live or
in Boston?"
"Beacon street, "-proudly.
"Well. Mag waits on the table in a
restaurant down on the wharf. II
bet you've eat there many time and
seen Mag and never knowed her
Now, next time you go in there to eat
you ask for Mag Smith and say you're
a friend OF her Aunt Jimmy and Mag'l
hug you right there-you see if she
don't"
A Distinction With Difference.
John B. Furay was once q postof.
flee inspector, and on one occasion was
sent down into Louisiana to take
charge OF an Office from which the
postmaster had deca1nped. A fight
arose over the position, says the
Omaha World, during the progress Of
which Maj. Furay remained acting
postmaster in the quagmires of Louis
lana, devoting all his spare time to
shaking with the orthodox ague, and
the longer the man stayed the more
he shook, and the more profane he
waXed. He had been there three
weeks or more when one morning
while the fog was arising il ON around
the little postohice, Inspector Furay
sat astride a keg of buttermilk read
ing "Pilgrim's Progress A tall, lean
genus homo ofthe swamp entered.
A solitary suspender band held up e
pair OF blue jean pants, 81 white fell
hat OF doubtful age rested on the
mans head, and his feet were incased
in pcir Of cowhides Redeemed by age.
"Howdy, pard," said the stranger,
addressing the inspector, "be you the
tederal's agent?'
~ am the postoffice INSPECTOR re-
piled Nal Furay without looking up,
as he waded into Paradise Regain
ed"
81 am the new postmaster, said
the stranger, rendering his commits
"Well, III be id" was the only
reply as the Inspector dropped his
| O|OA W oiAC ELOoAiu oliu SoLeA ao Ills
visitor.
Eyes, SIR" continued the stranger,
squirting a mouthful OF tobacco juice
on the inspectors new trousers. Eyes,
sir, and I've come to be qualified"
Rising to his feet Furay sighed, in
spected his visitor from head to foot,
and exclaimed;
"My friend, l am but human. l ca,l
only swear you in. All HI couldn't
qualify you"
The Lion" and Giraffe.
The servant came to announce to
Victor Hugo the arrival of visitors,
viz, Lord San English peer, &C
companied by his wife and three
daughters. Victor Hugo stepped into
the drawing-room and inquired the
object of visit which did him honor.
Lord S-then turned to his wife and
said
r.!