Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-02-05

We should pick our wives with care;
So we may not leave behind us
Half our natural crop of hair"
When pretty woman goes to a man
with her troubles she is likely to gain
his sympathy, his heart, and more
trouble.
Yabsley--ssDoes your wife ever choose
your clothing for yous" Wickwire--"No;
she merely picks the pockets. ."-Ind'an-
apolis Journal.
The cautious nature of the Indians may
account for their preference for accept
ing official statements with reservations.
--Baltimore american.
Miss Flirthard-"T think Mr.. Great
heart is so silly" Miss Likewise-"Why
so2" Miss Flirthard-''Why, he gets
serious so soon. ."-Boston Courier.
..Women's voice is best adapted to the
telephone, they say" $50 l have heard.
She seems to find plenty of other uses for
1t, though. ."-Indianapolis Journal.
.sWhats your fee for collecting thiss"
He inquired with nervous thrill;
And the lawyer calmly made reply:
''The whole amount of the bill"
Judge.
"John," said the wife of dying
man, "here's DIR. Parsonberry come to
talk to YOU" "Tell him I'll see him at
the funeral" gasped John.--Ne'0 York
Sun.
Mr. Dudlet-''I have great talent, Miss
Caustic, and could do wonderful things
if l only had mind to-" Miss Caustic
-"Yes; you only lack the mind. y
Comic.
He tells her how wicket he use to be,
Till she shudders and softly cries La"
But never, not ever, no, never does he
Tell any such yarns to her ma.
-IndidnapOtis Journal
"Now, John, "said Mrs. Deporque to
the new gardner, 81 hope you will re-
member all that have told you. And
whatever you do, don't forget TO water
the electric-light plant"
Miss Gushley-"Oh, what lovely
poetry. And did you really write this
out of your head9" Rimer provoked)-
"No, indeed; 1 was quite sane when l
wrote it, think. "-Boston Neaos.
Now that we have the safety bicycle
and the safety razor, it would not be
bad scheme of some inventive genius to
gild the market with a safety accordion,
for the benefit of beginners.-P4c6.
Little Mani understand, sir, that
you have called me an unmitigated liar"
Big Man-"No, didn't use the word
unmitigated." Little Man-"Then
accept your apology. ."-London Punch.
'sWe do our own weigh" say the little fish,
AS they wiggle their forked tails;
"We do our own weigh because, you see
We always carry our scales"
Detroit Free Press.
He-"You say you love me, but can
not be my wife. Is it because | am
poor9 There are better things in this
world than money" She-"Quite trAe,
but it takes money to buy them. "-Bos-
ton Budget.
Relative-s'Well, sincerely hope you
will be happy with him, Mandy. Is he
a steady Young man?" Miss Mandy
"Steady2 My goodness Aunt Judy, he's
been coming to see me for more than
eleven years. ."-C Chicago Tribune.
He (despairingly)-'It doesn't matter
if have got lots of money, l cannot for
get that my grandfather was stage
driver" She (sweetly)-"That's all
right-you can refer to your ancestral
haul without going into particulars. -
Brooklyn Life.
Fashionable Tourist (wiping his fore
head on the Alps as he suddenly turns
round a rock)-''Just to think of it Here
I've climbed six thousand feet up the
side of this mountain only to meet face
to face one of my heaviest creditors. ~
Fliegende Bldetter.
He--"What made you think that pic
ture in the Academy was minea You
must be judge of style, because it was
unsigned" She (modestly)-"You fiat
ter me. 1 really didn't know it was
yours until saw everybody laughing at
it."-Funny Folks.