Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1892-03-03


Stay, there was also high school,
the Gumbletown Free academy as it
was called, at which the youth of both
sexes applied their ruby lips to the
Pierian spring with edifying results.
The school prospercd with large and
unctuous prosperity, and the number
Of its scholars increased and multiplied
until 1T became necessary to engage an
additional professor. He came from
no matter where-it was over the hills
and far away. And he looked it.
He was a wonderfully handsome
man, and his name was Bartholomew
Spunk. He was a chemist by profess
sion, and he had become SO fond of
communing with nature in her secret
moods that it was well-nigh impossi-
BILE to induce him to communicate
with anything else; especially if any
thing else had long hair and wore
skirts. Prof. SpunE had no fear of I'M
mentionable chlorides nor of indescrib-
able oxides; but he was afraid of
woman, lovely woman. She was not
afraid of him, however; but, SO far as
she was Of Gumbletown extraction,
she spent much Of her time in endeay-
oring to get good look at the pro-
fessor's eyes which were said to be
very beautiful.
Bartholomew Spunk took up his
abode in moss-covered boarding
house, where the fried steaks and the
coffee grounds sang together as morn
ing stars, and the cold boiled ham came
out on the eastern horizon as the sun
slipped down the west. The professor
came and went in silence. and he lived
his daily life in his own solitary
fashion. Every evening he went out
into the garden beside the house and
smoked his big briarwood pipe, a relic
of college days. The garden was pref
ty, and just on the other side of the
fence was another still prettier The
professor frequently peered through
the fence at this garden and wondered
who kept it in such exquisite order If
he had known that every time he
peeped through that fence he was
watched closely and by a young woman,
he would have sunk through the earth,
if he could.
In the next house lived the remnants
of one of the primeval families of Gum
bletown. Even that isolated village
had old families and blue blood, and
when old Jonathan Gumbleton, after
whom the town was named, had
died forty years before. he left two
young sons, who fastened to marry
and extend the family.
The widow of one of these sons lived
in the house to which belonged the
pretty garden. She had daughter,
and that daughters name was Alice
Mary Gumbleton. Blue blood fire.
qrently declines to associate with
beauty, but in this case it did not
Alice Mary Gunbleton was as beauti-
full creature as one, or even two
could wish to see. Her hair was as
black as the shades of night; her large
eyes were deep, soft brown; her COM
pleXion was like the bloom on a lily;
and her mouth-well, there is no way
to describe her mouth except by saying
1t was one Of the most enticing features
on earth. Miss Alice Mary Gum BILE ton
resembled Prof. Bartholomew Spunk
in one thing: she was bashful. Not all
the awkwardly expressed admiration
which the SWANS of Gumbletown had
laid so generously at her feet had ever
been sufficient to inspire her with the
smallest portion of that self-confidence
which usually animates BELLE She
was hopelessly shy, and her conversa-
ton was terribly monosyllabic except
to her cat.
Alice Mary Gumbleton had a Matte Sc
cat upon which she lavished the treas
ures of her heart and her intellect.
Everyone who ever saw that cat said
it was the wisest lookin.. animal in the
world. And it ought to have been
wise; for Alice Mary talked to it by
the hour and gave it the choice results
Of her long periods of silence and medi-
tation. The name Of the cat was Jane.
And the cat was as beautiful as It's name.
Yet in spite of Alice's devotion to this
animal she was obliged one day to
speak to the professor, or should say
that it was because Of her devotion.
"A few doors away from the home of
the fair Alice dwelt a hideous youth
whose favorite companion was a large
bulldog. This bulldog was like unto
the rest of his kind. He loved not man
nor beast His soul was filled with
perpetual gloom, and he went about
the world with a depressed-I might
say hangdog-look which BODIED no one
good. One day Alice was aroused from
Il deep meditation by series of heart
rending shrieks followed by dire dis
cord of Kissing and 81 itting, which she
at once recognized as being the prod
uct of the energies of Jane. Rushing
to her window she beheld the dear cat
mounting the fence with less dignity
than haste. At the foot of the fence
stood the obnoxious bulldog, looking
very angry.
''Oh, my beautiful Janen' screamed
Miss Alice. She rushed from the house
with broom in her hand prepared to
meet death in the defense of her pet.
But when the dog wheeled round and
prepared to resist her onslaught, she
paused and changed her tactics.
go away, you nasty BEAST"
screamed Miss Alice. But the dog
failed to catch the idea, and remained
where he was, still keeping watchful
eye on the cat.
sob, dearr' said Miss Alice, 'swhat
shall I do?''
At that moment the professor en-
tered his garden by the front gate,
having just returned from school, His
eyes fell upon Alice, who was lovely
picture Of DESPAIR, as she stood gazing
at the ferocious dog and the unhappy
cat. The. professor was speechless with
admiration. He stared at Alice as he
had never dared to look at woman be-
fore. Then. his scattered senses began
to return to him, and he felt the blood
mounting to his forehead, while his
heart was going like steam fire en-,
CINE. He gazed about him and finally
perceived the cat, but not the dog.
Can I-shall THAT isl beg par
Observation-Disclosures you want the cat?'
he stammered.
Eyes, sir; if you-if you-p-p-ple ase,
str" was the reply.
lie nrnfaSSOr a1vanoo1 S1oyu1u