The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1892-03-25

Drother Gardner and the Dynsm tier,
Something had happened to upse,
Thompson street its whole length, bu,
just what 1t was no one could find out.
It was finally reported that Brother
Gardner had been ransomed for t3 and a
Waterbury watch, and he put In an ap.
pearance just then, as IL to confirm the
story. He went ahead In his usual calm
and dignified manner and opened the
meeting, and after everything was in
running order lie stepped to the front
and said:
my fren's! I h'ar dat all sorts o. wild
stories hev bin fyin' about dis afternoon
an eavenin' concernin' myself an odder
officers, I will now explain the hull
matter. At exactly fo'ty-one minits an
six seconds past 1 o'clock to-day some.
body knocked on de doah of my cabin.
/ was bar fut at de time, Shawn off my
cons, but 'sposin' de pusson to be Sir
Isaac Walpole, cum down to pay me
back de 81 he owed me fur three or To-
months, called to him to cum In. Mrs.
Gardner had dun gone out to meet with
church society, an was all alone.
"Genfen, who do yo' 'spose dat pus-
son WASP He was white man. He
had long black ha'r. His eyes rolled.
He was chankin' his teeth. In his right
hand he held package, an he waved
it round an declar'd dat il didn't hand
ober SIC, 900 in cash he'd blow de hull
outfit 10 miles high! Yo' kin cmagine
de situashun was in. An yet I can't
say l was tooken by surprise. On de
contrary, l have bin 'spectin' sumthin'
of de sort to happen. looked dat chap
squar in de eyes, an / saw dat he was
dun crazy as loon. Wi'dout 'pearin' to
be tall excited said dat / had Just got
de cash counted out fur him, an axed
him to step into de kitchen an look in
de wood box. He stepped. So did 1.
AS he looked into de wood box was
clus behind him, an drawed off an let
him hev it behind de ears. He fell to de
floor, an befo' he could kick twice,
had him tied hand an fut wild de clothes
line"
Here the entire meeting rose up as one
man and cheered and shouted until the
plaster began to fall in every direction.
when l called in de police" said the
President, after order was restored, 1--WE
examined de bomb, an we found dat it
contained huff 'sploshun to kill is Of de
leadin' capitalists of Moth America. Do
man was a crank. He'd been tryin' to
invent clothes line which would wind
itself up in de back yard when it was
gwina to rain, an he wanted mo- cash to
carry on his experiments. He cum
dar calculatn' to git $40, 900 of me or hit
me in de stomach wild dat bomb. Twas
for him. II hadn't been no
one kin guess how widespread dat calam.
ity would hev bin"
Sir Isaac Walpole then arose and said
The day had arrived when no great man
In this country was safe from the crank
and his bomb. There must be a remedy.
We must search for and apply it. While
he sincerely congratulated Brother Gard
ner on his escape, what security had the
club that some other crank would not try
The same thing tomorrow
MY fren's," said Brother Gardner,
after several other brethern had given
their opinions, it ID trooly sad state Of
Affairs, an is desarvin' Of most serious
thought. Yo' or I 60 at It, an by savin'
up carpet rags an soap grease, an by
.ivin' mighty clus an pinchin' along. we
get rich. We doan' git rich fur the rich.
ness Of it, but to take comfort in our ole
age. Bimeby along comes pusson who
wants to fly. but he hain't got de money
10 build his wings. He sots down an
oroods an sulks, and he finally makes up
MS mind dat some rich man has got to
aelp him or die. He darfore goes an gits
\ bomb and fills it up wild turpentine, |
,rsenic, castor lie an odder 'splosives, |
IN he walks in on dat rich man an tries
70 scatter him all to squibs.
II doan' reckon de crank kin be
.eached by law ontil it am too late. 1t
would be too hard to identify him. Yo'
loan know dat he Is crank ontil he has
got dat deadly bomb sailin' fur yo's
,hin. Seems to me dat it am better |
deah to depend on Providence an 20.
'elf. Yo' kin depend on Providence dat
,e will strike some odder rich man in
place Of yo'; dat he will fall down an
break his leg while comm to yo'r office;
lat il he gets in, yo' will be out eating
.aw oysters about dot time. Depend
lpon yo'self by havin' it all planned out
what yo' will do, Same a. did. Fur the
as six months have knowed jest what
sort Of programmy ! should foller.
When de time cum was a. cool a. .
piece OF oilcloth in Jinury. I jist hauled
off an hit dat fellow 'zactly behind de
Ear, Jest as I had planned, an he fell in
heap on the floah, jest as 'spected he
would. While de law will probably do
al it kin, an while Providence, 'spssh-
ally heah in New York, seems to be
ioin' good deal of watchin' ober human.
ity, de rich must arter all keep deir eyes
peeled an DO ready fur dc crank when he
calls. We will now 60 home am be glad