The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1892-03-04
A Sarcastic New Yorker Holds Forth
on the Advantages Of
Steel Suits.
The Ghost in Hamlet Sole Wearer
of the Garment of
~ Knights.
Protection Against Footpads-If Ward
McAlliNter Would Set the style-For
Tramps and Militia.

full Of romance, and every day was full o
knights, all the bowling swells wore stee
clothes. People bought their clothes a
blacksmith shops. When one knight me
another he didn't say: who is you
tailor?' but "Who is your blacksmith
The Poolss and Bells of that day woske'
with a hammer instead of with a pair o
shears; the anvil was their lapboard. AM
their fabrics were steel instead of cloth
saws the Nov York Sunday Journal. The
men who wore armor we're heavy swells.
S%toye-pipe hats are still worn, but stove
pipe breaches and steel coats have gone on
of fashion. Those substantial articles OF
attire have boon given up for lighter and
more cheerful materials. The bullet and
the boxing glove have made them obsolete.
Once a knight might have put on q spring
suit of armor and started on y spring cam
paian, without being considered %sccsntric,
and without attracting any particular at
tention. f.
Nowadays if a New Yorker were to put on
a suit OF arlnor and walk up Broadway he
would be followed by half the town, and
would be probably be taken up to Bellevue,
that Dr.. Douglas might feel his pulse. So
much have fashions changed in only three
centuries.
Almost the only one who now wears ar
NOR il the ghost" in Hamlet" Az this
armor is made Of Mckinley tin plate the
ghost" must be ore of the most heavily
taxed persons in tho world. It is an ex-
pensivs luxury to be a ghost" in modern
times. Had there been a Mckinley tariff
in Hsmlet's time the Majesty of Buried
Denmark could hardly have afforded to
wear armor when he came out of his sep
ulchre.
OF course, there are amy officers who
wear shirts Of mail under their brilliant
and snowy coats. and who may lead a cav
airy charge with less danger than falls to
the troopers who follow them, albeit &
shirt of mail wouldn't stop q cannon-ball,
and would probably afford little protection
against a modern bullet. driven by smoke
less powder.
But tho use of armor is now r~eviving and
soon promises to become popular and gem
eral. In a few years no intelligent New
Yorker. unless he is utterly reckless. will
think of going out on the street at night
without first putting on his armor.
Many citizens will never walk abroad
without wearing their arnor, any more
than they now go out on rainy days with
out carrying umbrellas.
The reason for tho new fashion Of wear
ing armor is the large number OF slash
ers," John the Rlppers,' and garroters
who lnfest this streets Of the city at night.
1t is hardly safe to 80 anywhere after
dark without having the protection Of two
bulldogs, a shotgun, and a squad OF police.
A single slasher struck down four or five
unfortunate victims in a small district of
the east side in u few nights. In the vioin-
ity of Chatham square the average lumber
of highway lobberies is almost one a night,
and, though tho police have hunted down
the thugs with commendable industry, the
number OF highwaymen seems almost in
sxhsustible.
t." iron shirts for ten years, two new ones
spring up to take his place. The only safety
which the respectable citizen seem to haYe
is to wear arrnor.
Every cautious citizen of New York
should have two suits of armor-one for
week days and one for Sundays and holt
days. He might wear his week day armor
to business, much as he would a pepper
and-salt suit. On reaching his Office he
might take it off and hang it up; having one
hook for his casque. another for his ~corslet,
another for his greaves. and still another
for his steel boots. On finishing bis work
in the evening he would tut on his armor
again and walk homo in safety.
1t he went to the theatre he might ap-
propristely wear his best suit of armor, and
IL II HIS DOA &Lu WHICH LQe play EDrOuQl
his helmet. This attire would DO rictur-
esqne and would be in harmony with the
medlaeval costumes on the stage. On Sun
days he might wear his best armor to
church. On holidays be might make safe
excursions to Rockaway and Coney island
Glad in all the panoply OF complete armor,
Of course this costume would be odd at
first, but when people got used to it thsy
would think nothing of it. And. at last,
everybody who deied cnstom by not wear
ing armor would be looked upon as eccen-
tglc and grotesque.
Elegant suits of armor might be made
for uptown wear. Or polished steel, and
ornamental with shining silver and glean-
ing gold, they would be more handsome
than the familiar and conventional dress
suit. And. though they might come high,
they would be far moro durable, and in
the end cheaper, for one suit would last A
lifetime.
Strong suits Of amor would be supplied
for downtown wear. A suit which weighed
about 900 pounds, and was covered with
spikes, wonld be excellent for wearing in
Chatham square, and likewise 70: everv-
day wear in Mulberry bend. The moment
n hlghwayman or a "slagher'' caught sight
OF such a suit OF amor he would take to
his heels and run from sheer fright. The
moral effect of the armor would be some
thing startling.
Armor would also be eminently useful in
boiler explosions. Ten thousand ateam
boilers are kissing with tremendous en-
eIgv under the pavernents of New York.
and one of them is likely to explode anv
day.
People who happen to be standing over q
polier when an explosion occurs NAV be
dove as high as the tenth or twelfth story
OF a building, while those who wear arrnor.
being heavier, will be blown scarcely higher
tnan the second or third story. Their NJ
NOR VIII prevent them from taking any ey-
tended aerial voyage, md will also protect
them from the flying debris of the buildinps
In tue neighborlood.
10 the quietly disposed arnor will he an
invaluable protection against the aogres.
slvensss OF professional fighters. The nr,ze
nghter. or the champion Singer of an alec
ton district, who is SIX feet four incbsa
hlgh and weighs $50 pounds, will not care
20 attack II little man five feet four inches
high, who weighs 10 pounds, when 1t il
perceived that tho little man is clad in
arnor.
The professional fighter will have q
wholesome respect for any one who Veara y
suit OF armor of new and app owed pattern.
The advantage of amor to society will he
immense. ana when New Workers once get
into the habit of wearing it thev will not
know how to do without IT.
vi course the armor will be q little ayk-
ward at first, at balls. The %cotillion NAV
be a little slower, while the airy and navy
waltz may not have that light and pimble
quality which at present charactsrlzes it.
However, a little practice will enable every
HrA fn alt p-I