The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-03-09
T1MMiNs AND TIE rELEPHonR.

The Timely Wrecking of an Instru-
ment May Fave Averted an Appeal
to the Divorce Court.
From the Chicago Inter Ocean.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ignatius Welcome Timmins
moved here last week from st. LOUIS and
expressed themselves as greatly pleased with
the change until their domestic happiness
received little setback yesterday.
On the advice of his old friend Mr.. Speck-
with. Mr.. Timmins secured telephone con-
nection with his home. He was delighted
when the telephone man had completed the
fixtures and presented him with three cigars
on his departure.
NOW, my DEAR said Mr.. Timmins,
standing before the telephone, and prepar-
ing TO explain its mysteries and advantages
TO his wife. Now, my dear, this is going to
prove the most convenient thing we ever
had in the house. When want to talk to
any one / just turn this handle and say
'Hullol Hullop and the girl at the central
says Hullol Hullol and tell her who
want, and she calls him up. Now I'll ask
for Mr.. Speck WICK" and Mr.. Timmius
turned the handle. having previously taken
| down the transmitter, thereby breaking the
connection.
"What does he say7" asks Mrs. Timmins,
cooking her head on one side, as a woman
always does when her husband is trying to
listen.
He dosen't say anything yet," growled
Mr.. Timinins. HE isn't like you. He
waits until he has got something important
on his mind, and then he SAYS It. Hullol
hullop roared Mr.. Timmins, giving the
handle vicious twist, and glaring into the
receiver with vindictive look
Il suppose 1t is really that girls fault"
rnurmured Mrs. Timmins, shifting at the
instrument. as though she smelled the
young lady from afar and found her no
better than she ought to be; Il don't sup
pose she's there at all. More likely she's
gadding about"
"What dye want to talk just then forr
howled Mr.. Timmins. what is your
object in breaking out with the conversa-
tional smallpox at this particular juncturel
Don't you know she was Just beginning TO
talk and you made me lose herr.
"Hullol hullol Call up Mr.. Speckwick,
main, ,705," bawled Mr.. Timmins, appAr-
emily convinced by his wife's manner or his
own experience. There. she's gonel No
use for me to try anything when you're
1 about. Another Tune, when ! want to talk
through telephone, I'll take 1t ever TO the
middle OF some field. Do you know Of
anything that win keep you quiet for mo-
mentT demanded Mr.. Timmins, his wrath
rising as he contemplated his il.nsage.
Never mind the expense; just the same
article. Why didn't you tell me when you
referred me to your old dad that was pro-
posing marriage to a steam dictionaryN
My dear, can l talk through itl" cooed
Mrs. Timn1ins, anxious to disarm her hus-
band.
SIS there anything you can talk through"
squealed Mr.. Timmins, beginning to realize
that there was something about the tele-
phone that he did not thoroughly under
stand. when get a telephone for you
the diaphragm will be OF double and twisted
wrought steel, with railway rails for wires,
and don't believe that win last for MORN
an hour and half. Hullo. hull-o-o! wake
up and call up Speck wick, Main-4, 7O5 p'
and Mr.. Timmins ratified away at the
handle until his arm ached.
"Be patient, dear. Maybe she's gone. and
it's a. long way to Mr.. Speckwick's house.
Perhaps he isn't at home, and she's waiting
for him."
'Thats tn eway it works, ehg' shrieked
Mr.. Timmins. "When l call that girl she
goes home to dinner, and along to Mr..
Speckwick's house in the evening. and
| brings him here in cab. That's your idea
of it9 P'raps you've got some sort of a
notion that she runs the wires through
| Speckwick, turns on the current and slams
him right up here through the side of the
house. That your idea Z Well, she
DOESN'T"
Il think understand how it works" fall
tered Mrs. Timmins. you say, yellow,
| yellow"
There's the combinationw yelled Mr..
| Timmins. you've got itl WHY didn't
you tell me was bringing this thing home
to the inventor2 What'd you want 10 let
me stand up here and explain this thing to
the only comprehensive brain that ever
tackled ii for? You've got 1t. With what
you know now and what you've got to find
out, you only need little wire and an In
Sulator to be the whole science of electricity.
tell you this Is the way it works - and Mr.
Timmins fetched the instrument kick that
splintered IL. "See il workF' he demanded
pulling at the wires until they cut his hands.
watch 1t, while | convey your regard to
the other luuaticsl" and he danced on the
remnants of the instrument and smashed
the fragments against the wall.
Never mind, DEAR" demonstrated Mrs
Tim ins, trotting after him and trying to
soothe him. when Won want Mr.. Speck-
wick again we'll just send servant round
after him. Thatll be much nicer than
trusting TO a nasty wire and know there
was draught through the box, for could
feel it as soon as came in the ROOM"
20, you could feel itm roared Mr.. Tim
Minis, rather wondering how be was going
to account to the company for the deStruc-
ton Of his instrument, and he pulled his hat
over his ears and rushed round to the tele-
phone office to see what had better be done
about the matter.
81 don't care" mnrmured Mrs. Timnins.
as she Topped down on the floor to pick up
the pieces of the wrecked instrument, "he'iI
not have any opportunity for standing up
here and talking TO that girl until his leRs
are tired; :" and with this sage expression of
her satisfaction over the results Of her ex-
pertinent. Mrs. Timmins broke of the ends
Of the bent wires and laid them away to
orimp her hair.
WHAT have they wound up on that cartf"
asked the old lady who was visiting tina Are