Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-03-03
WIT AND iIUMOR.

A happy pare-the old-fashioned ap-
ple-bec. -L0WeU Courier.
Put sinner where he can't hide,
and that's where hell begins.-Ram's
HorH.
Persons on pleasure bent often get
badly doubled up.-Binghdn1ton tie
publican.
The people who would have done 80
and So if they had been there, never
get there.-Rona'S Horn.
There are still too many people who
enjoy seeing a tin can tied to the tail
of some other mans dog. - RAMS
Horn.
Pessimists should remembe that one
of the first things Adam did in Eden
was to attempt reform with his mouth.
Columbus Post
Wooden shirts and a broken five
dollar bill must be made of the same
material, Judging from the way they
shrink. -DanSUiLe Breeze.
When you want to cultivate man
it isn't a good thing to harrow his
feelings and plant the seeds of hatred
In his breast Binghanat0p Leader.
Greenland has no cats. How thank
full the Greenlanders should be. I'M
agine cats in a country where the
nights are six months long.-1tt-B1tS.
The humorist may cudgel his brain
In vain to earn the laugh which any
ordinary man can raise by falling down
slippery understandable Journal
key Clipping ring on her fnger)
Nov we're engaged, Rebecca, ain'd
WEI" Rebecca -"Not till fader ex-
amines the ring, Ikey."-N. 7. Herald.
Wentman-"Why do you call your
horse independence Day?" Weeks
Because in every race | enter him he
always comes in glorious fourth. D.
Rider and DriVer.
"When | went away" said the re-
turned wanderer, "Hardhit was crazy
over Miss Icely. Did he ever get cured
of his fancy for her?" 90, yes; she
married him. ~. Y. Press.
Jessie You must be hard worker,
Mr.. Chapley." Chapley-"What makes
you think that, Miss Jessie?" Jessie
George told me yesterday that you
made him tired. IN. Y. HerGld.
Princess Sawdoffski- "Why did the
Emperor send the Grand Duke PetroV-
ma to Siberia?" Prince Sawdoffski-
"The Duke casually alluded to his
Majesty as an old Czardine. IN. Y.
SIN.
MIR De Peyster- why, it's almost
II by that clock on the mantel | had
no idea it was 50 late. Are you sure
that clock is going?" Miss Rosebud
eyes, the clock -S0merUiILe Jour-
nal
"Look here, George, am positively
tired of your talking love to me this
way every time you call" Marry me,
then, and Ill never speak another word
of love to you as long as l liye."-N.
!. Press.
Jamison-"What's the matter, old
man? You look as though you had
struck luck. Jenllins-"I should say |
have. My landlady has just warned me
that must pay up before | can leave"
Boston Post.
Wagaway you heard my lect-
ures on Miracles Do you know what
a miracle is, my little grip" Bessie
90, yes. My sister said it would be a
miracle if you didn't stay for dinner
today. - 7W-BttS.
"What is the name of that lady who
has Just finished singing?" Miss
Swan" well, if were in her place |
would prove an exception to the gen.
1 80, I
sing. "-Harper'S Bazar.
is this the man charged with pro-
family" asked the Judge. 81 don't
think he is, yer Honor" replied the
policeman. He may have been, but
Oh think most ay it must have escaped
by this time. y Washington Star.
",tohnny," said the elder little
bro ~. you must be sure not to ask
for any OF the wild duck twi&e"
"Why?" because ! heard father tell
the company that they would have
little game with limit to IT, WASH
9ngtoH star.
paw" said little Tommy Figg, Il
heard Mr. Watts say that great mems
sons never did any good. | amt a
SlNSi' tildl = SUI, dII l. II " IL ldlt
hour Mr. Figg's mind had not found
sufficiently diplomatic answer. - In
d10ndpoHS journal.
That much Of mans wisdom is van
ity is illustrated in the case of the
man who has the grip. He is the per-
son most interested, but he doesn't care
whether it is micrObe or a herd of
elephants that is the matter with him.
-N"shjngt0n Star.
1t was a bright Boston schoolgirl
who when asked by her teacher to ex-
plain the meaning of the Shakspearean
phrase, Go TOP exclaimed: 80, that
is only the sixteenth century's express
sion of the nineteenth century'S Come
OFF, Boston Herald
"N ell, Mr.. Bronson" said a dominic,
81 hope you derived profit from the
services this morning" Sir" re-
turned Bronson, inclining to be indig-
nam. Il assure you drop business on
a Sunday and attend church with no
hope of profit. "-Iit-Bjts.
Mr.. Emerson Rean-"O. yes. I've
written poetry, of course, but / never
have tried to have any oft published"
Miss |&ldonia Hubb = "Now. why
don't you send it 30 some of the maya
zines? I've seen some frightful stuff
in them lately. "-Jester.
"Your husband swore off smoking at
che beginning of the year, l believer"
"Yes, it was awfully good of him. And
| had just brought him a box of cigars
as present, too" "Indeed?" yes,
and he only smoked one and then
swore off. IN 7. Press.