The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-10-19
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

until he is convicted.
1t is always best to insure. In fact,
it's matter of policy.
al am banking on you," as the farmer
said as he proceeded to hill up his po-
tatoes.-Dallas News.
As for putting the screws down on
man, there is no one can do it 50 effect
lively as the undertaken.
Riggs-"How long has your wife kept
servants" Jiggs-"Two weeks, some
times. "-Elmira Gazette.
"Your cousin is welded to charity, is
she mott" 'Oh, no; she has only
promised to be sister to it."-Harper's
Bazaar.
Ethel-"What faultless dresser Mr..
Lightcoinis." Etta-"Yes; Victor says
that even his bills are tailor made -
Chicago Inter Ocean.
New Barber-"Excuse me, sir; have
you got your mug herel' Mr. Mulligan
-"Yis, roight in this chair, on top av
me neck. National Barber.
Most of us like to hear ourselves talk,
SNN NANNA "N haNO NlNoNlGd NlNll blt Ltlt-
phone we are content if we can hear the
other fellow.-New York Sun.
Miss Blossom-'I didn't see YOU at
the Barclay ball" Miss Budd-"It
was probably because l was surrounded
by men all the time. Brooklyn Life.
"Don't you think Widgely is distress
lngly boisterous" "Well, yes; he
wears such loud trousers he has to shout
to make himself heard. Chicago
News.
Boarder-"lt seems to me that every
morning the past week the cakes have
grown smaller" Landlady-"You
probably forget that these are flannel
cakes. Chicago Inter- Ocean.
Johnny (reading)-"Say, pa, what is
a debt of honorl" Pa (who has had ex-
perience)-"It is where a dear friend
borrows $50 till the next morning, and
you never see him again. Brooklyn
Life.
81 think" said Willie Washington,
"that Miss Pepperton is typical guhi
of the perwiod, you know" "Why2"
"Because she puts full stop to all my
proposals OF marwiage. Washington
Star.
Jess-'I thought you hated Jack and
yet you have accepted him." Bess-'T
did hate him, but he proposed under an
umbrella, and said if l refused him he
would let the rain drop on my new hat"
Boston Post.
Didn't Stop to Think; Miss EIbarby
-"You have never met my eldest sister,
have youl" Cevorton--"Why, no,
Miss Elderly. l didn't suppose it was
possible that you had an elder sister,
Detroit Free Press.
eighbor-"And you expect to sup
port my daughter on $40 a wee<l"
Clarklets-"Yes, sir. Neighbour
"Well, go ahead; my heart refuses, but
my pockctboos, consents. she costs me
$50. New YORK Herald.
Men are so peculiar that as a rule
man tells his wife the most when she
asks him tho least questions. A turtle
will keep its head in if it is poked aud
bothered, and a man is a great deal like
a turtle.-Atchison Globe.
When man is possessed of mania
to steal a woman's shoe, the Germans
call it hustochlmonomanie. 1t
makes one shudder to think of what
they might call it if the woman herself
was stolcn.-Bulialo Express.
Chappie-"Fweddie, do walk little
strangely this EVENING"" Fweddio-
"Just twitie onesided, deah boy."
Chappie-"I told that howld bweastly
bahber that he was painting my hair
little to one side. Chicago Iuter-Ocean.
Penelope-'T don't like to see YOU
dangling around with mere boys all the
time. What do you find that's so in-
teresting in that smooth-faced young
FarisW Perdita-"Why, Pen, his face
isn't so smooth as it looks. .''-Brooklyn
Life
"Dismissed from your boarding
house WhYl" "Wcll, the landlady
said ! would either have to reduce my
weight or go, and can reduce" "But
why did she want you TO get thium
''She said my appearance aroused cx-
pensive hopes on the part of the other
Ooarders, "--Brooklyn Eagle.
Most people have two kinds Of man.
lers. One they use in the kitchen and
he other is saved for parlor use. You
never know u man until you know his
Kitchen manners. One reason that mar.
'iage brings out so many unpleasant sur
orises is that the courtsbip was based on
he parlor manuers.-Atchison Globe.
The family had stewed tomatoes for
Inner and one Of the diuers found
round and hard in a spoonful
'f the vegetable. 1t turned out to be
irop of solder that had fallen in when
he can was being sealed. 1t was shovu
% the baby with the explanation that it
VAS a pretty little bullet. Then the
1aby, who happens to be a boy of about
our years and very much interested i'm
guns, looked up and asked, "Do they
moot tomatoes 10 kill em columbus
Dispatch.