Morning journal and courier., 1892-09-30

Teacher-In what part of the Bible is 4
taught that a man should have only on,
| wifei Little Boy-I guess it's the par
that says no man can serve two masters
Good News.
Miss Kansasitty Ito her pal-Did you Sc.
that occultstion of MarsG Pa-Gosh, no
don't pertend to keep track of everything
your ma buys since we struck it rich In
pork.-Waif.
Uncle Tom (shsving)-Yo', Cloe. Fotct
me some o. dat babby powder to smoot
nah face. Aunt Chloe Ito her grsndsonl-
Chile, jest han yo' ole grandfather dat poi
o. chimbly soot.-Life.
Truth is stranger than felton, hs
happened TO remark. "Yes,n his wife re-
piled very gently, 'it sometimes seems 60 to
me when you are explaining what kept
you out so late. ."-Washington Star.
An Absent-minded Professor. Friend
l haven't seen you in long time, pro.
fessor, how are you coming ont Professor
i really can't tell you, pay SO little at
tention to such mstters.-Texas Siffings.
81 was quite moved by your last story,
Mr.. Quibbleton. Its psthos surprised
me. l had always thought you were q
wag." Quibbleton-Perhsps that Is the
reason you found the tale co moving
Scribner's Magazine.
81 wouldn't care to be Lawyer Browne
on Judgment Day. He'll be in the soup"
mo, he won't Brownies smart He'll
get an adjournment of his case to next
day, and then there won't be any next
day. y."-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Newspaper Cproudly)-The landlord
was here to-day. / gave him SIS and
showed him the baby. Mr.. Newspaper (who
was kept awake last night(-It would have
been much better If you'd given him the
baby and showed him the Sl5.-Truth.
Professor-You seem to be very dull.
When Alexander the Great was your age
he had already conquered the world. Stu
dent-Well, you see, he had Aristotle for
teacher. If he had had you 1t would
have been very different.-Texas Siftings.
Miss Mamie las her father returns from
the ofice)-Oh, there you are at last, you
dear. sweet old thing The dear. sweet old
thing-No you don't, Mamie. You had
new $40 bat only two days ago and now
you've got to wait awhile.-Chicago News
Record.
Harold-Msmma, have cut the grass
with the lawn mower and now / want so
cents. Msmms-Why, could have hired
4 man to cut it for % cents. Harold
Yes, but it was twice as hard for me as it
would have been for q man--Chicsgo News
Record.
Causes of Gout-Rich patient-What is
the cause of gout, dcctorl Doctor-Excess-
i've eating anu drinking will produce gout
Mental worry will also cause it. Patient
My, my! Well, must stop worrying over
my excessive eating and drinking-New
York Weekly.
His Msrk.-Ward Healay-An' yer want
to make Yer cross sgin' de names ye're
votin' fer. Seel
Mickey Halligan-No, don't. Shure, /
don't have to make no cross. was eddi-
Gated, l was, an kin write me name wild
amy wan of 'em.-Puck.
Westfeld-I got even with that mean
cad Lawnmo to day. Plainield-Thst soi
Howi Westheld-I pretended to make up
with him and told him to save seat along
side of him in the train for me. Then
missed the train. AS long as he lives
everybody in that car will consider him
liar and hog.-New York Weekly.
Her Great Love.-Briggs-Ho is Peter
son getting along with his wife, She
seemed rather high spirited girl. Griggs
Nothing could be smoother. 1 tell you,
old man, it's clse or genuine love. That
girl just worships him. Briggs-Whst
makes You think sol Griggs-Why, they
have been married six months, and he told
me confdentally the other day that she
still continued to put his studs in his dress
and Furnisher.