The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1892-08-17
A MODEL SPEECH.
An Esteemed Contemporary In Barnwell
County Gets off q good one.
from the Bamberg Herald.

from the Bamberg Herald.
THE country campaign Is upon us
and many aspirants for public Office who
are not used to the rostrum will be called
out to speak.
We have no patent on the following
! speech. The Herald and the following
| oration will be furnished one year for
$780,
Fellow Citizens of the grand old coun.
ty of Barnwell: appear before you to-
day as candidate for an Office. Loud
cheers and cries of amen from Is other
candidates.)
tits needless to tell you where I stand.
The great question is not where I stand
| but where you stand. You may rely up.
| on it, fellow citizens, I am always with
| the majority. Iwould rathar be wrong
| with the majority than right with the
minority. Immense yells.) Fellow
| citizens, if you will just let me know
| whore you all stand I will tell you in a
| minute where ] stand.
Fellow Democrats, I love every man
| here WI is old enough to vote. Bless
my stab, how I love you'll Many a night
have lain awake on my couch looking
| at the pals moon through the cracks in
the shingles thinking Of the deep love I
bear you and the big salary the Office pays
have left my crop for the old woman
to tend and have roamed and ranged
| from the black Edisto to the red Savan-
nah from the beautiful hills of Willis
ton to the luxuriant sugar. cane Brakes OF
Fishpond.
have hugged to my throbbing bosom
every screech. owl baby that I could de-
coy into my arms. But, fellow citizens,
my love goes further than the babies. Ny
heart is not shrivelled up like fried rae
coon oyster.
When I meet the father of the bsby
and when I remember that be is over q
years old and has reached the age OF vo.
liability, then it is that my love pours
out thicker and faster than smoke from
the tall smoke stack of the Bamberg
Cotton Mill. (Tumultuous applause.)
Bless your darling hearts, I love every
voter here, and I love the sacred soil OF
Barnwell county, except I don't like to
pay taxes on it. If our county was big
hoecake and if Salkehatchie was stream
of molasses flowing across it's broad sur
face, I would eat and eat till I burst with
gratitude. But, fellow citizens, I will new.
or eat dirt. No never never !! That is
why Ialwaysjoin the happy majority. If
we're transported beyond the blue skies
where my soul could mingle with the
star dust, and if I had the choice ofbeing
born again, would say let me frat see
the light of day in Barnwell County, and
let me We born just in time to put my
card in the Bamberg Herald. (Cyolones
of cheers.)
But my heart is saddened, fellow DEM.
ocrats, on this occasion. The audience is
half candidates and half voters, and it
wriuga my heart to think thfe amt enough
offices to go around and all of US can't be
elected. prolonged wailing and gnssh'
ing of teeth among the candidates.
Choose you this day whom you will
| vote for. Lend me your ears, dearly be-
| loved, because I'm going to speak a
| parable. Be 1t remembered from now
till election day that am the man you
| ought to vote for, and I will tell you
why. It is not because I am am good
business man. You all know that / am
not much of business man and might
get things tangled up in the Office al
Barnwell if elected. Like spring In
watch, that has nothing to do with the
case.
My silly opponents, in their desperate
efforts to sneak into an Office, tell me tha
did nothing for the county in the dars
days of Radicalism they tell me that
am not qualified for an Office. admi
their dastardly charges, but, fellow citi
zens, that is 8 small matter. Those argu
ments are so small that you could pu
them in mustard seed and hear them
rattle.
The one unanswerable reason why
You should vote for me Is that I am al
ways going to think and vote just lik'
the mojority of you think and vote
There is a piece Of machinery in m!
head called thinker. There is q bsn'
on the fywheel in your head. Whel
your thinker turns mine turns. Fellow
citizens, I solemnly promise never t.
think for myself.
Whenever bill is introduced in Con-
gres,, just take vote 10 your club ant
tell me how the mojority stands ant
right there fatfooted and firm as tn
rock of ages you will find me. 1t
| true that all want is country Office
but no man is fit to hold country of
fee unless be agrees with the msjorit
| on all the great national and State is
sues.
Fellow citizens, will now close m!
speech. (TAanders ofapplause and sigh
of reief.)
When the American eagle which soar
above the Allegheny mountains, an
looks at the sun full and fair with ope
eve, when that immortal bird of freedom
settleth down upon the nut grass mead
ows of old Barnwell where browseth sor
back mules and where rooteth razor bacl
hogs, and when that sacred bird callet
on the sons of liberty to gather unde
her wings, even as hen doth call he
little chicks, then, fellow citizens, vii
be there. Then, fellow voters, vii
stay there till my nest is feathered,