Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1892-08-13
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EATING SOAP SANDWICHES.
How an Irishman Came to Masticate On,
and the Result.

q party OF cOt1ilcIflil tTaNtlNTs WBTt
discussing their oldest experiences in
the smoking compartment Of a west
bound sleeper. After the usual round
Of stories Of amatory ~conqueSts, rail
road accidents, and slick tricks, or
buyers had been dilated upon at length
the conversation shifted and the party
began speaking of the strange thi.,g
they had eaten in various quarters o
the globe. This continued until one
of the party surprised the others by
r%emarking: "Say, fellows, did yot
ever hear of a mans eating a SOAP
sandwich.
"No," "Comc off the perch" Tina,
will hardly wash" aud other similar
remarks followed the question, for thu
nauseous suggestion was too muct
even for a ~drummer's credulity.
ut has been done, though" replied
the other. II knew a man, u porter r
our store, who ate a soap sandwich
and seemed to enjoy tat least for {
time. If you chaps will keep quie
for a few minutes I'll tell you abou
it."
The others promised to be as still al
mice, and the man began his story
with a little description Of the peculiar
tiles Of Irish Mike" a trusted porter
for many years in the employ of {
leading dry goods firm, who had boXcc
the ears of "A score or more generations
of office boys.
ale seemed to hate boys" continued
the speaker. HE had been with TIM
firm so long and was so exact himsel
that he could not excuse a mistake
and as for skvlarking, he considered
that a capital ~offense. He intimidatet
generation after generation Of young
sters, but he met his match at last liz
a harum-scarum youth named Bob.
"This boy came from-no one knew
where. He was almost u~nbearable &c
the clerks and salesman, and at once
took the lead in all the boyish mis-.
chief in the store. He ran counter tt
Irish Nike from the first. They hated
each other heartily. and Bob led the
other boys in revolt against the ty'
rant.
at IS unnecessary TO outline the ma
ture of the campaign beyond saying
that 1t was one of petty annoyances
They would hide Mikes hat, nail hi,
street boots to the floor or fill then
with water, and ill his pockets with
tacks and things Of the kind.
The campaign eliminated in The
following manner: Mike was in The
habit of bringing his lunch with him
and eating it III the store. he wa!
very fond of cheese sandwiches. On,
day Bob found his lunch basket anC
inspected its contents. He discovered
the cheese sandwiches, and was quicl
to seize the opportunity to get ever
with his enemy, who the day befor
had busted his jacket well.
"From a bar of yellow soap he Gu
nice thin slices. These he substitute,
for the cheese, sprinkling a liberu
quantity of salt over the surface. Thel
he hid behind "A case of goods 20 avail
developments.
AT noontime Mike took his Dime
basket and Il quart of beer to his fl
vorite corner and began to enjoy hi
repast. TO Bob's surprise he ate tn
nasty soap sandwiches without chang
inc a hair, slipping his bter between
; each bite. He finished his lunch an'
iay down ~contentedly 10 take a shor
: nap. NOW WIS vas hiplt AHiai Alt ~,
could stand. From his place of con
+, cealment he began to throw pape
/ wads at the man, until he aronse'
, him. Then he began to jeer at Ia
: porter
Mike began to chase his tormentol
They ran back and forth through tn
| aisles, in the basement; the boy scran
4 bled over boxes with the agility OF
l eat, and eluded his pursuer easily. TIL
latter was rapidly becoming furiou,
when of a sudden he paused in his e
! forts and turned pale. Then he bea
: a hasty retreat, sick and disheartcneC
8 Small wonder, for the beer and exc
I else working upon the soap had ia
g urally resulted in converting il in,
a mes of suis. which the stomach
TO human being, not even Mikes coul
: resist.
bob was delighted at the result
his work, and Dragged not a little
4 the achievement. IL reached the cal
, of the firm, who promptly dispense
with his services. Mikes system Wa
Z entirely d~isarranged by his novel n
past, and when he returned to I'll
store after n few weeks absence
! was a much altered man in disposition
: He always got along well with ii
!, boys after his experience with a sos
sandwich"