The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1892-07-08

For the base ball season WAS ripe,
And he sighted tho ball the pitcher sent In,
And he hit IL a terrible swipe
And the ball went whissing down
The field from that ~forceful whnok,
And It bored its way through the shortstop'
hand
And knocked him fat on his hack.
And the crowd aent up = howl.
And tho PLAYERS sent up \ shout,
And tho pretty girl In the grand stand askcd;
Does that put the umpire out3"
bonneville Journal. 8
Everybody in ths national guard Of Penn
sylvania knows what a strict disciplinariar
James A. Beaver was whom he was COVER
nor. Austin Curtin. who 10 from his native
town, told me this reminiseencs about him
the other day: While Beaver was lieuten-
ant-colonel Of the Forty.ffth regimsnt he
was sitting in front Of his tent one day
when = ~slovenly soldier with a badly fitting
uniform lounged mp and asked:
"Vsre ish der doctor"
'tSir, is that the way you address . supe-
rior oticer?" roarsd Col. Beaver.
The German stared at him in amazement
without saying q single word. Then Col.
Beaver said:
'Take this chair. sir. and l will show you
how to address an officer"
AN me vas der boss Of der r%eRiment?"
Eyes; sit there and l will show you how
to act"
seat and the colonel walked off q few paoes,
turned about, returned to . position in
front Of his temporary substitute, wheeled
round. and. making a military salute, in
quired:
Colonel, can you inform mo where I can
find the surgeon of the reeiment?"
The recruit arose. and. looking seriously
at Beaver, replied:
"D-n il / know we're he is."--Philadel.
phia Inquirer.
rs the coon 4 smart animal?" asked a
stranger Of old 81 jackson on Onion creek,
near Austin, Tex.
Talk about soons bein' smart. I SHOULD
say dey WAS smart"
"Well, how smart are theyY"
"A coon played mi the smartest trick you
eber heered tell on. I foun' a hole whar de
coon went inter de groun' and l waited dar
all day long to shoot dat coon, and whom he
did come out he was a poleoat ."-Texas
Siftings.
Little Miss Isabel has a weekly allowance,
the amount of which depends upon her
good behavior, for when she is rude or
naughty she is fined . small sum for each
effense A few morning z she trans.
crossed. and her mamma fined her a penny.
She erred again and a second fine WAS i'm
~oanl &hsrI t;~,o A., ~ ~rl, -oe h.o
ken and her mamma said:
Nov, Isabel. I shall fine you two cents
this time, and if you disobey again I shall
double it and make it four cents"
"Oh' dear me-" sighed Isabel, II think
this a pretty expensive place to live in."-
Wide Awake.
The popular return ball" yielded the
patantee an income of $4,000 q year.. The
Dancing Jim Grow" toy was worth $75, 900
= year to its inventor; the spring window
shade, the styloeraphic pen. the marking
pen and rubber stamps, each $1O0,OO0 a
year. The common needle threader was
worth $4,000 a year to the man who first
thought OF it. The rubber tip IN lead pen
ellis, the gummed newspaper wrapper. the
machine for making type, made rich men
Of their originators.
Silverton sold his patent for copper tips
to ohildren's shoes for $67.OO Water
mans process for tsmpering wire Melted
him $4,000. Plimpton. the inventor of
roller skates. made over $1,000, 600. Bur-
den realized a profit of $9O.OO0 from his
invention in horse shoes. Hoes printing
press made him in fourteen years $24S. 600.
Juno Chautauquan.
The following story is going the rounds,
credited to f.. d. Shaw, business manager
for Efie Ellsler: during sherman's fun
eral, in New York city. and while the pro-
oession was marching down Broadway, one
Of the bands was playing Should Aud
Acquaintance BE Forgot?' as q march.
Every one stood with uncover red heads and
fearful eyes as the oatafalque passed and
listened to the appropriate music, when the
solemnity of the occasion was almost lost
to those standing in the vicinity of an ole
lady, to all appearances just in from the
country. who remarked with surprise and
indignation: Well. l declare! 1t is toe
bad! That band is playing, "Old Grimei
Is Dead.''"
The Congressional Bicycle club, which ha
become one of the institutions of Washing
ton, has persuaded the architect of the cap
itel to provide a "stsble'' for the nickel
. plated steeds of the member in the cryp
!, of the capitol. Among the members of til
!, club are Tom johnson. or Ohio; Washing
ton, of Tennessee: Jerry Simpson. of Kan
sas: Dulborow. the Illinois Adonis, ant
, Ben Gable. fIom the same state, and Rob
ertson and Price. of Indiana. Nearly ever,
day they push their wheels up tho hill t.
the capitol, and once or twice a week tax
long 1uns together through the neighborinI
country.
!, Judge WRxem's Political Proverbs.
{ The higher a statesman is the harder b.
falls.
! You never heer q haystack nor a cornnelc
hollerin' fer the candidates ov neithe
party.
Polliticks never fertilizes a medder.
full corncrib never has its ~constitu