Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1892-06-29
osonr Milao,s Uncle.

Oscar Wilde's Uncle.
Recently, while visiting friends in cen
tral Illinois, learned a great deal about
DR.. Wilde, the noted Oscar Wilde's uncle,
who some twenty years ago was pic
turesuue and well known figure in that
part of the great state.
DIR. Wilde was "an Irish gentleman of
the old school," which means that he was
knightly in his bearing toward women
and ready to drink or fight with the men.
He was tall, handsome man, with
wavy iron gray hair and white military
mustache, when he first came to Illinois.
That he was fine scholar even the illit-
crate soon came to understand, and that
he was a skillful physician was not long in
doubt.
But DR.. Wilde had his peculiarities
or defects and these defects were of char
acter which we mistakenly associate with
men of his nationality. He was unmar
ried, which fact, taken in connection with
his gallantry to the fair sex, led the more
romantic to coin a story to the effect that
he was self exiled from Ireland on account
of an unrequted passion for the daughter
of one of his titled countrymen. But the
unromantic slw more plausible reason
for the doctors leaving Ireland and coming
to Illinois in his inordinate fondness and
immeasurable capacity for whisky.
DR.. Wilde was picturesquely profane,
and his gifts in this way be used to de-
nounce the vile corn whisky Of the land OF
his adoption, but while 'it was not to be
mentioned in the same breath with Irish
whisky the doctor drank it, not as an Ordi-
nary topper drinks, but in great wassail
bowlfuls, as the Scandinavian skalds drank
beer when Offering libations to Odin."
The doctor was strong. He never got
drunk in his legs and but seldom lost his
head. The effect Of liquor on him was to
make his brilliant wit more sparkling and
his satire more caustic. But he had en-
tered into contest with a king who has
never yet been conquered, and who has
brought low many higher heads than DR..
Wilde's.
People who speak OF him now are very
sure that most of his bright sayings while
in their midst were lost for want of appre-
citation, and hence are forgotten, but many
anecdotes survive, q few of which will
serve to illustrate the wit of this remark
able man.
The doctors normal condition when
awake was mellow inebriety. One day,
while in drug store at Joliet, His, with
q friend, his attention was directed TO the
conduct Of a shallow pated clerk, who was
admiring his face III mirror.
Look over there, " said the doctor, nudG-
ing his friend and jerking his head il the
direction of the self absorbed clerk, "and
tell me, sir, i you don't think that's one
of the most rf1narkable young men in the
wOrruld."
"Really, DOCTOR" replied the friend, 81
think the fellow is disgustingly common
place"
''Not at ALL" said the doctor. '"The
mans dead in love with himself, and,
egad! he hasn't Il rival in the whole wide
worruld."
On another occasion O boorish fellow,
who had been one Of the doctors compan-
ions on a carouse, but who was ignored
when they met q few months after, was
very anxious to renew the acquaintance.
Walking up to DR.. Wilde, who was in one
of his most dignifed moods, the man as
sumed an air of vulgar familiarity and,
reaching out his grimed paw, said:
Don't say, DR.. Wilde, that you've for
got me-"
Faith" was the response, Il don't see
why should belle myself by saying any
thing of the kind, in view of the fact that
I never remembered you"
'Never saw me before, eh?"
''Not to the best of me knowledge and
belief; but let me look at you again. Oh,
yis! maybe saw you on one Of me visits
to the Joliet penitentiary," said the doctor.
Not at all abashed by this the fellow
laughed:
''No, it was at Mike O'NeiTs hotel down
at Pontiac. There was me and you and
Jack Simmons, and we did have q HI of
a time. Don't you remember now? And
then Mike O'Neu cooked q fine turkey in
your honor"
"Oh, yis, yis. Pm glad you remind me
of it. Ny recollection of that turkey, sir,
is intirely distinct"
1t was DR.. Wilde who in speaking of
woman with an Unusually large mouth,
uttered the now well known pun:
"Yis, gintlemin, that woman's mouth is
like time"
'In what way?" asked some one.
because, gintlemin, it extinds from
year to year" Gear to ear)
1t would take columns to record the bon
mots of the doctor that still survive and
are often repeated along the line of the
Chicago and Alton road.
Whisky at length conquered. He died
in an obscure hamlet and was buried in
the black prairie in a fenceless treeless
graveyard. A few years after his death a
tombstone was placed at his head by some
unknown friend. And when beautiful,
silver haired woman in black visited the
grave Immediately after the stone was put
up and vanished soon after, without hav
ing exchanged a word with the people near
by, the story Of the doctors romantic love
was revived. ALFRED r. CALHOUN.