Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-01-09
THE COTTON BLOSSOM cIun.
| A Cranks Unsuccessful Effort TO BLOW Up
Brother Gardner With u Bomb.


Brother Gardner With n Bomb.
N. Quad in the New York World
Various conflicting rumors were flying about
Watermelon Hall for half an hour previous to
the opening Of the meeting. Some had it that
Brother Gardner had been abducted by two
men and carried over to Hoboken for ransom:
others, that Sir Isaac walpole had been killed
by Chinamsn; others STILL that package Of
dynamite had been found in the hail itself.
Something had happened to upset Thomp-
son street its whole length, but just what il
was no one could find out. 1t was finally re-
ported that Brother Gardner had been ran
somed for So and Waterbury watch, and he
put in an appearance Just then as il to confirm
'he story. He went ahead in his usual calm
and dlgnifed manner and opened the meeting,
ana after everything was in running order he
stepped to the front and said:
My fren's! / har dat all sorts o wild
stories new bin fyin' about dis AFTERNOON an
eaVenin Consuming myself an odder officers.
l VIII now explain the hall matter At exactly
10 ts-one mlnlts an six seconds past l o'clock
To-Day somebody knocked on de doah OF nv
caoih. was bar fut a: the time. Shawn OF
my corns. but 'sposin' de pussun 10 be Sir
Isaac Walpole. cum down TO nav me back the
81 he has owed me fur three or 10 months,
esiiec 10 MN to cum in. Mrs. Gardner had dun
gone out to meet up with church society, an
1 was all alone.
"Genren. who do yo' 'spose da. pusson was?
lie was white man. He had long black hair
His eyes rolled. He was chankin' his tooth In
MS right hand he held a package an he waved
II around an decla:'d dat il didn't hand ober
$1,000 IN cash he'd slow dc hull outfit nineteen
miles Nigh. 70 kin emagine de situashun l
was in. An yet / can't say I was tooken by
surprise. On de contrary, I hev bin 'spectin'
sumthin OF de sort to happen. looked dat
CHAP squar' in de eyes, an saw dat he was dun
crazy as a loon. W'dout 'pea-in' TO be tall ex-
cited said dat had just go. de cash counted
out iur MN, an axei him to step into lie kitchen
an look IN de wood box. He stepped. So cid
l. As he looked into do wood box was clus
behind him, an drawod of an let him hev il
behind de ear. He fell to do fiooh. an befo' he
could kick twice i had him tied hand an tut wild
de clothes line"
and cheered and shouted until tie plaster be-
gan TO fail in every direction.
when called in dc police" said tho presi-
dent, after order was restored, 1--WE examined
de bomb an We found dat it contained 'nuf
sploshun TO Kill forty-eight Oh de leadin' cspi-
taiists OF North America De man was crank.
he had been trying to invent n clothes line
which would wind itself up in de back yard
when 1t was gwine 70 rain, an he wanted mo
cash 20 carry on his experiments. He cum dar
calkerlatin' to git $4,000 Of me or hit me in
de stomach wild dat bomb. / was prepared
how widespread dat calamity would hev bin"
Here every member sprang TO his feet ana
choercd and cheered again. and il was fully five
minutes before the ianitor could announce that
the hurricane Of enthusiasm had knocked down
one of the sacred skulls Of Cicero in the museum
adjoining and split of piece as large as a
shlnSie. The enthusiasm finally tapered of TO
4 series OF yeils by Deacon Flatbush johnson.
and by and by some one chokea him off and the
dust mad a chance to settle down.
Sir lsaac Nalpole then arose and said the
day had arrived when no great man in this
country was safe from the crank and his
bomb. There must be remedy. We must
search for and apply il. While he sincerely
congratulated Brother Gardner on his es-
cape. what security had the club that some
other crank would not try the same thing to-
morrow?
Elder Toots said the evils must be grappled
with at once. He was neither rich nor great,
but he knew not what day a crank would
forcibly enter his home and threaten him
with bomb. He would cheerfully take off
his coat and give three days time with his
mule and wagon to help weed this country of
its most dangerous element.
Naydown Bebce had had a brickbat thrown
through his kitchen window at midnight. A
bomb would probably follow next Three or
four times a day he was obliged to refuse
strangers small loans, and if something could
not be done to suppress the crank he proposed
to Immigrate to Liberia.
Giveadam Jones had always held to the idea
that every man ought to behave himself and 60
along about his business. Cracks had APP
preached him on several occasions, either
loaded or unloaded, and he had promptly
knocked them down and walked on them. Let
every member OF the club be ready TO punch
the head OF every suspicious-looking man who
approached him. and the crank would soon
know who to let alone.
My frens," said Brother Gardner, after sew
9TH lra. ha2 &l,1s~
lit is trooly sad state of affairs an is desarvin
Of most serious thought Yo' or l 90 at il. an
by savin up carpet rags an soap grease, an
by Twin mighty clus an pinchin along, We git
rich. We doan' git rich fur de richness of it,
but to take comfort in our ole aige. Bimeby
along comes a pusson who wants to fly. but he
hain't got de money to build his wings. He
sots down an broods an sulks, an he finally
makes up his mind dat some rich man has got
to help him or die. He darfore goes an gifts a
bomb an fills it up wild turpentine, arsenic,
castor lie an odder splosives, an he walks in
on dat rich man an tries to scatter him all to
squibs.
Il doan' reckon de crank kin be reached by
law ontil it an too late. 1t would be too hard
to identify him. Io' doan' know dat he is a
crank ontii he has got dat deadly bomb sailin'
fur yo's chin. Seems to me dat it am a better
ideah to depend on Providence an yoself.
lo' kin depend on Providence dat he will strike
some odder rich man in place of yo'; dat he will
fall down an break his leg while comm to yo'r
Office; dat if he gifts In, yo' will be out eating
raw oysters about dat time. Depend upon
yo'self by havin' it all planned out what yo'
will do same as did. Fur de las six months
have knowed jest what sort OF a Pre- granny 1
should foller. Wen de time cum was as cool
as a piece of oil cloth i'll Jinury. 1 jest hauled
off an hit dat fellow zactly behind de ear, jest
as had planned, an he fell in heap on de
fioah Jest as 'spected he would. While de law
will probably do all it kin, an while Provi-
dence. 'speshually heah in New York, seems to
be doin' a good deal OF watchin' ober human
ity. de rich must arter all keep DER eyes peeled
aN be ready fur de crank when he calls. We
will now 60 home an DO glad dat We am
Evin'."