The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1892-07-17
SCOTCH STORIES.
Some Characteristic Traits Of a Past
Time.
Habits Of Conviviality-Eara Drinking Com
mon-Clergymen and Their Flocks.
Dry Humor and Wit.
Written for THE MORNING CALL.


estimate of his own humoristic powers,
hbeled the Scotch by pron0unciug them
incapable Of approaching joke. Somehow
the libel has come to be an &C epted matter
OF belief and good many people are under
the painfully erroneous impression that a
Scotchman is necessarily dull man, apt to
prose on theology, for which he has natural
dlalectic gifts, and apt to be didactic and
grave about business. for which also he has
qualities well drilled to achieve success
The wicked generalization OF the genial Sgd
ney was that lit requires surgical opera
ton to get joke into Scotch understand
ing. Their only idea OF wit, which prevails
occasionally in the North and which. un-
der the name Of Wut, Is so Infinitely dis
tressing TO people OF good taste, IS laughing
immediately at stated intervals" Implying
that process of digestion is requisite. II
was perhaps upon this aphorism of the
SOuthron that the story was founded of a
certain judge on the Scotch bench who
every now and then was wont to startle the
lawyers In his court by waking up and
humping the cushions in front of him,
laughing heartily and shouting, 81 see il
| see itp' His mind had become impressed
with joke uttered two hours before.
Every country has It's own style of humor
and w.t. In America we are prone to
fancy that the humorlstc gilt is feeble and
atrophied abroad in comparison with our
own lusty development. Il is not matter
which need be argued. 1t is more desirable
to point out that the humoT Of the Scotch
Is dry, caustic and quaint, and often con-
sists as much in the manner Of expression
as In the image. The varieties OF dialect in
the Scotch tongue, which, however, IS only
English of long ago which has Travelled
north, give unlimited freedom in quaint
ness. IN Scotland friend" means "rela-
tive" What could be finer IN retort than
the answer of man driving a hog along
the main street of Ruthesay. A sarcastic
fellow called cut us that a friend of yours.
Jamier Nal its only an acquaintance
like yerseP. Tammyw Or what could be
heater or sharper in meaning than the
story told by Alexander Smith Of two elders
Of different kirKS passing each o,her on the
road in Skye One had been TO church aud
the other was going to church. "Comin'
frae he'll, DOualdW Better than gaun tae
il, Jamie! Or III readiness of invention,
which has a good share In the flash
Of wit, take the story of a man with a
collie dog hating at fshmonger's on the
High street Of Edinburgh The dog shifted
about and swept the counter with his tail.
4 live crab brought Its pincers down on the
tail aud held on, and the dog started off on
the run. "Whustle on yer dug" said the
alarmed fishmonger. "Whustle on yer
paTten (crabl," said the shepherd, who was
determined that the fishmoBger should
whistle at least for the cost of the crusta-
cean.
THE DEANS RECOLLECTION.
AS if the Scotch had taken to heart Sydney
Smiths railleTy, three or four volumes of
the anecdotic character have seen the light,
and prominent among these is Dean RAM
SAYS "Reminiscences of Scottish Life and
Character" The deans stories abound in
entertainment They were collected at
time when little inr0ad had been made in
the AngliciZing Of Scotland. and originality
OF character was not leveled by the spread
a. l. &c i So
railroad DAYS with which Ramsay deals,
and the Scotland OF to-day is materially
changed, although Il cannot be said it has
lost its appreciation of humor. 1t might
gstouish an EngIishman to tell him that
more copies OF Punch are sold in Glasgow
than in any other city except London
That however, would be no proof that the
Scotch love joke, for jokes are very scarce
~ the Fleet-street publication, and il is on Y
redeemed by good art in its Illustrations.
As Ramsay points out, the pOtations of a
past generation were frightfully Baccha-
nalian." Drinking was viTtuOus, and the
hard Grinker was man OF superior culture.
Drinking was encouraged as an IndiSprns-
able attribute Of hospitality, and 10 be
drunk as no disgrace. There is we'll
known story of a client who called upon the
Lord Advocate Of Scotland Ons afternoon at
so clock. His LOrdshp's dinner-hour was l.
and the caller was much astonshed when
the domestic who answered the dOorbeli
said his LordshiO was ''at denner." 81
tbocht lie did ma dine till 4" said the client.
Aye. but IFS yesterdays denneT," said the
servant
William Chambers tells another story OF
caTouse in one of those closes or wynds
so numerous off the High street of
Edinburgh. a burgher going home
was beseeched by some one who
had fallen into the excavation for
new building TO pull him out and, like a
good Samaritan. he did. When the inebri-
- ate had recovered his legs on the street he
proposed TO his rescuer to race him to the
Iron for bottle Of wine. The reseuer con-
scented and was beaten in the race. Then
tie twain adjourned TO q tavern and sat the
night out until daylight, when the originally
helpless man walked home and his friend
was taken home limp in a carriage.
But it would be discriminating and
disparaglng to libel the Scotch as
the only hard drinkers. Early in this
century and throughout the eighteenth hard
drinking was as Common in England as
Scotland. Fiye-bOttle men, who drank FIVE
bottles OF claret, port or sherry at dinner,
we're numerous. But in Scotland, ip addi-
ton - drinking claret, gentlemen at the
festive board often drank whisky, glass
after glass neat. when anybody proposed a
health or gave a tOast-and "sentiments"-
patriotic, pious, mOTal-weFe numerous
among a cOnvtvial community. Ramsay
describes Saunders Paul, an innkeeper on
the Dee, as cred ted with having drank
glass for glass in whisky with another
mans claret during a whole evening He
drank three dozen of porter on another oc-
casion, and ne considered porter a whole
some beverage provided You don't take
above dOZeD! a dTouthy crony Of this
lnnkeeDer was drowned in the Dee, and MS
body was found in a pnoi below the inn,
upon which Saunders. Paul remarked: %
am surprised at that, for | never kenned
him pass the inn before without comm in
for glass"
JUDICIAL TIPPING.
The judges of Scotland had their share Of
tipping IN those DAYS. Lord COckourn re-
lates that on circuit al Stirling lie observed
at dinner that sundry advocates kept drop
ping under the table. He also slipped nn-
derneath the mahogany and Law Oh the
floor until the mOrning. The judge of the
circuit and some Of his hard-headed friends
went upstairs to wash their hands and faces
and then proceeded to court for the days
business. If they got through with it
well they must have had constitutions of
iron.
But what are we to think of a carous2l
10 celebrate the reconciliation Of couple of
farmers. The fun must have been fast and
furious for when the dame OF the house at
which the feast took place called over the
bannsters to the servant and asked how
much whisky the departing guests had con-
sumed, the reply was. Il dinna ken. mem.
but they've drunken sax gang O. waiter"
As the water was needed for tOddy the
calculation was infinite about the number
Of bottles Of whisky consumed. What
can more forcbly Illustrate the drinking
excuses Of the time than the experience of
Mackenzie, author OF THE Man of Feel
ing" He WAS at dinner with a drinking
set, and not desiring to keep up the custom
OF toast-dTinking with no 'hsel taps' longer
than he could bear the inflietion he drop
ped beneath the table. Very soon he felt
small pair of hands on his throat and when
he asked what was Intended, the signli-
cant answer was, '-Sir, I'm thu lad that's 20
lowse the neekclothsi" IT was a sort of
hospital under foot to prevent fatalities
from debauch.
Here is a tavern supper bill of 1888 in