Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-07-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Acts benefcially on the liver-Bacon.
Puck.
The telephone takes everybody's word.
-Binghamton Republican.
Singular that tireless wheel should
give out first.-Lowell Courier.
College students should go to bed
early, and avoid the rush.-Puck.
The butcher is always happy to meat
his customers. Transcript.
The race is not always to the swift, if
there is any money to be made by selling
it.
We may always expect the impecuni-
GUS friend to call on us in n short time.
Puck.
The world may owe us living; but
it pays the debt in mighty small INSTALL
ments.-Puck.
A man may be seR contained without
containing anything remarkable.-Bos
ton Transcript.
The man with an impediment in his
speech never speaks we'll of anybody
Boston Transcript.
"This is worth following up" as the
dog said to himself when he saw the
coon up tree.-Chicago Blade.
Everybody has moro or less calase to
be unhappy. Happy is the mar who is
too busy to be miserable. Truth.
There is right time for everything,
but the four dollar watch seldom man
ages to hit it.-Somerville Journal
No doubt, in business matters,
mans word ought to go long way. We
suppose that is why there is such gel-
eral use of the telephone. Fun.
Anxious Stranger-"My good man,
don't let that child get SO near the edge
of the lake!" Old Sauerkraut-"O /
got blenty more zu helm. Jester.
No bird remains in last years nest,
And therefore may we scorn it;
BUTTS the lad who knows it est
It's different with a hornet.
--Washn gton Star.
The Bearing of It: "Then, perhaps,
you're afraid that I couldn't support "a
wifei" "Not in the least but | think
that wife might fud you insupport-
able. Judy.
A New York young man whose girl
went to Chicago and picked up another
fellow, got a letter from her the other
day so cold that it must have come on in
refrigator car.-Truth.
Father-"Hans,y you must not 90 bath.
ing to-day, as you have got the stomach
ache" Hans-"That won't matter,
daddy, l can swim on my back, you
know. ."-Fiiegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Youngwife-"Could you tell by
my manner that I had been married but
short timer Mrs. Thirdly-"E Easily
Mrs. Youngwife-"How Mrs. Thirdly
-''Well you seem to believe everything
your husband tells you. Boston Post.
Mrs. Newfad-"You must meet Mr..
Risibles, Margie-the great humorist.
He is such q perfect gentleman. Why,
do you know, he told me this evening
that he never laughed at his own jokes,
except as an act of politeness to himself"
Puck.
"Even the grip has its good points"
said pretty Mrs. Jones; sits apt to make
n charming widow of one" "Well, it'll
never make charming widow of you."
said her grumpy husband; "Td cut my
throat before I'd let it do that. Bling
hamton Leader.
"Good morning to you, Herr Fassben.
der. | have to ask you favor. You
see l want to pawn my bed, il you
will only be so kind as to lei
me sleep in it at nights; you can keep
it for yourself all day, you know
Familien Wochenblatt..
"Maria," called out Mr.. Billus in an
agitated voice, ~ have lost my pocket
book; | can't fed 1t anywhere at
is exactly where you left 1t last night,
john, replied Mrs. Billus from the top
OF the stairway. ''It is in the left hip
pocket ot the striped trousers you hung
up ON the last hook in the closet; but
there isn't anything In it-aoS. Chi
cago Inter Ocean.