St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-09-05

next census. 1t is the way with all
these big British schemes of the claim
agent-the victims Don outnumber the
alleged dollars in dispute. A small
assessment on each heir, and the agent
is in shape to buy a baronial castle and
retire. As a bunco game it beats any
thing our boosted Yankee ingenuity
has invented.
MR.. Newell ON PROTECTION.
There were many delightful features
at the Republican congressional con-
vention on Saturday last, but no n of
them compared in interest with the
oratorical effort of the always genial
and charming Mr.. Newell. Mr.. Newell
was feeling in exceptionally good spir-
its. The ozone which blew through his
back hair from Off the waves of Chisago
lake inspired his imagination, and the
prospect of the sumptuous dinner which
the citizens of Lindstrom had prepared
for The delegates stimulated him to do
his best. And he did if.
At the very outset he excited uproari-
Gus applause by saying that he had re-
Gently been in Europe. He was at once
interrupted by inquiries from every
part of the hall. The delegates. all being
f~oreign-bOrn, wanted to learn the latest
news from home, and began to ask the
orator how their relatives were when he
had last seen them. This act is nova
days always performed at gatherings of
the Republican party. Senator WASH
BURN, for example, opened the Repub-
llcan campaign at Minneapolis the other
night after the same fashion, with a
pathetic description Of kNUTE NELSON'S
birthplace in Norway. which, from his
account, appears to have been neat, but
not gaudy.
Mi. NEwEL got through this part of
his undertaking admirably. He was a
little weak i'll his tidings from the re-
moter Wallachian provinces, and his
tongue lost its wonted fiuency when he
tackled the difficult Romance dialect.
But, a competent Interpreter being
found, even here the general effect was
very happy. The audience now was
warmed up to the highest pitch of en-
thusIasm. and our eminent fellow towns
man, catching the contagion of the hour,
stepped briSkly to the front OF the plat
form, stretched forth his right hand
after the manner of WILLIAM MCKIN-
LEY DR., to secure attention, and in
stentorian tones shouted, 'My subject
is some women whom | met abroad"
AT this announcement the .'kids,"
who had been gamboling over the back
seats and poking each others ribs I'D
wantonness of youth and good health,
became suddenly quiet. The reporters
for the St Paul papers, who had never
visited foreign parts, but who had read
about the Bots de Boulogne and Picca-
dilly; about the possibilities of life in
Vienna and about the dark-eyed maid
ems of the Isle of Capri, who are reputed
to be as beautiful and amiable now as
when the Emperor TIBERIUs abdicated
a throne that he might enjoy their So
ciety-the reporters who had read about
these things, and whose volatile fancy
had done the rest, remarked to each
other, This is going to be rich," and
put extra sharp points on their lead
pencils. Then was really an exciting
moment, not, to be sure, without agita-
ton In some quarters, but on the whole
one OF keen anticipation, of high hope
and of well-whetted expectancy.
1t would not be fair to say that the
convention was disappointed at what
followed. Mr.. Newell is never disap-
pointing. But his women were, as
women are apt to be. The trouble with
his women was that everybody had met
them before. They lacked the attract
iveness of novelty. They were the
same old women who do field work in
Europe yoked to cows. They were the
women who break stones and do
all kinds of manual labor. These
women are old acquaintance. They
have been trotted out at every
Republican rally for the past ten years
to prove the virtues of a high tariff.
For this purpose Mr.. Newell trotted
them out again. Ii what he said is true,
free trade must be terribly rough Oh
both COWS and women In America.
where we have protection, cows and
women are not used for blowing. Cows
have to do nothing but eat. chew their
cud and permit themselves to be MIXED.
All American cows are therefore pro-
t%ectionists. ALI women in this country
are rich. idle and supremacy happy.
And their sublime condition is due
entirely to the tariff.
1t is needless to state that In spite of
the fact that all this was a little differ
ent from what had been looked forward
to, it made a great hit, and everybody
cheered unanimously for a system
which did so much for American COWS
and American women Luckily for
MI. Newell, the i%nterrogatlve fever of
the convention had exhausted itself
earlier in the proceedings, and no one
asked him where he had witnessed these
terrible sights. If any one had, he
would either have had to dodge the
shaft or to confess that it was not III
free-trade England but in Germany,
which is cursed with a preposter-
GUS protective tariff like our own,
and a paternal government of the
pattern which the Republican party
is struggling 10 establish in the
United States. Had he been forced
to say this, a few people who
heard him might have had sense enough
TO remember that the SORROWS of the
German %peasantry are the fruits of a
despotic government, which, after the
manner of despots, hates cheap goods; of
a wicked military system which drafts
the able. bodied men to do service in the
army, and leaves the women to earn
their own living by the sweat of their
brows; and of the struggle of a teeming
population to sustain itself out of a
limited area of land. Had Mr.. Newell,
In other words. been forced to tell the
truth, his argument for protection,
based on the status Of European COWS
and women, would have faded away, as
do all arguments for protection when
they are exposed to the light of heaven
born honesty.
1t is perhaps rather cruel in the
GLOBE to speak thus. Bot it feels