The morning call., 1892-08-21
BY THE WAY.
Being Rambling Observations On Things
in General
Faldhesded People and Cares Fat People.
& True Father of HIS Countrywide
Devonshire Family.
Written for TIE MoNRINs CALL.

Written for TIE MoNRINs CALL.
Men are proyerbially sensitive on the sub
feet of badness. 1t is a sign of senility and
decrepitude. but by no means a sure sign OF
those indications of approaching dissolution
and retirement from the performance Of
wicked deeds in a debauched world A man
will bear any aspersiOn upon his character.
provided his sore point of badness is
delcately passed over. de may even be
proud Of the name politician, supervisor,
polltax collector, chief of the detectives,
Assemblyman, member of Congress, Sens-
tor but he feels humbled and mortified
when alluded 10 as bald-headed, and
desperate are his efforts and wild the strain
upon his resources to sow his clustering
scalp with piiatory crop as vigorous as
alfalfa in the valleys. The time was when
people had their heads shaved and wore
wigs-a very filthy substitute for natures
providing. When the taste for nature re-
asserted itself the bald headed resumed
wigs to conceal their misfortunes, and now
we have reached a state Of development
under which men divide themselves into
TWO elasses-thOse who have hair and cut
it as short and smooth as if they were bald.
and those who are bald and would like to
preserve Il
their Uranium. as if to demonstrate that
youth has not forsaken them when they
salute lady. The wig is no more regarded
rs apt adornment than a clot Of seaweed.
It may rejoice the hearts of the bald
headed that somewhere near San Diego. at
Jamach Springs. waters have been discov-
cred endowed with the marvellous property
iof stimulating a rapid growth of hair on
the most sterile billiard-t table Uranium pre-
sented for treatment The man who has
not known what it is to have shadow on
his head for years awakes under the influ-
ence Of these springs to the fact that he Is
recreated and juyenescent. 1t is not stated
whether the hair which shoots upward on
these smooth plateaUs of pate is gray white
or Or slime in color, but the virtue 81 these
springs IS Il growing hair, ana the ShGTn
may take hope that they viii once again De
presentable in society without exciting ridi-
Guile Those springs are certain 10 make
the fortune Of their disc0veTer. he has
only to advertise the fact that badness is
cured, and present portraits OF the patients
in various stages OF restoration TO hair, and
then he will have a pilgrimage OF people
toward the gladdening waters far outstrip-
ping the streams OF Mohammedans who
pour into Mecca Baldhead City will spring
UP in the vicinity. But the astute proprietor
OF these miraculous waters might make
much more money by bottling them and adj
yeTtSing their qualities for the benent OF
the baId-headed of the whole globe. And
lust in proportion as he succeeds in estab-
fishing lucrative business, so viii the dis
coyery Of other waters elsewhere prove
equally valuable and consolatoTy to the
nude pateS
In another personal respect men are
foolishly sensitive. They abhor the distinc-
ton of being fat unless they become side
shows for the admiration of the gaping
crowd at two bits head, and then their
ambition leans in the direction of greater
obesity. and the only rage that consumes
them is that any one should be fatter.
Lean men have a similar inclination when
in a sideshow. and so have giants and
awaTfs and freaks of nature generally, It
il fortunate for transportation companies
by rail and sea and for hotel proprIetors
massage operators, miDeral-sprIHg owners,
Quack doctors and legion of other people
Wiling 10 work or preach for remuneration
tina. there Is q positive tendency among
wealthy people To get tat and TO spend i'm
menSe sums In the effort TO reduce their
bulk It IS these gOuty, adipose sufferers,
WIKI ali their organs IN condition OF
rebellion, that keep the Spas Of Europe
commercially medicinal. Tie gr0ssness Of
human nature shows its eaTthHneSs IN over
feeding, OYeTg0rging in every conceivable
Indulgence. and then the doctor IS called
IN sCmeW here during midsummer and pre-
sCribes rest, and the waters, and moderate
die; and exercise and a proper puTgiDg of
all tie vile humOrs that infest The body Of
rich men and of rich. whimsical women
who, with stout rOtundity, eEdeavor to
appear slim and naidenly. But for eorpu-
lence and the desire TO be slim aud youth
ful, the doctors might whistle for much Of
their unconventional sigh valnly for those
fees Of thousand dollars earned by looking
at the tongue and prOnouDcing wisely upon
the exalted state Of the nervous system. AS
the world VIII be humored, it is humOred.
The doctors are at least on the right side by
recommending change of scene. Unfortu-
nateiy they cannot recommend this TO poor
patients.
a proper father of his country is reported
to be hale and well in West Virginia. He
has been married six times. and with such
good luck that he has 81 children who own
him as the author OF their being. II shows
what may be done with proper attention to
these matters when it is stated that this
most formidable patriarch is only 90 years
Of sge. The presence of this citizen should
be secured at all hazards in Chicago next
year. lie would be a monumental citizen,
and were Columbus alive he would certainly
shake him by the hand aud invite him to
dinner. Special mention should have been
made Of this Nirginian in the census. His
example is rare in the older States. IL
France had only a few fathers of their
country like this how 1t would flourish and
keep back the invasion by settlement Of the
TeutOns and Belgians.
This Virginian is worthy to compare with
Berauger's Roy d'Yvetot," little known to
Dna If tho 1areaO eu,-.