Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-11-03
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughabl@
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day.
Some Sharp Sayings.


THE bunco man is not fastidious.
He lives on the simplest things he
can find. Elmira Gazette.
WHAT Il little lit of thing your
baby sister is" "Ycs'm; it's "a con
densed milk baby. Good News
THE fair sex is capable OF almost
anything when driven to it. tx
ample: Nancy Hanks. Jamestown
News.
DIMLING- Why did you leave the
lecture platform, Larkin? Larkin-
Wen, ! was egged on 10 take that,
step.
A MERE question of sex: "Welf,
Willie, did you master your lesson to-
dayo" Nom; | missed it'--Phila-
delphia Record.
BUyER-ls this suit all wool? Mo
Zinsky--1 Won't lie to you, my friend,
for it is not; de buttons vas made of
silgk. Brooklyn Eagle.
HICKs-There. For once I'll know
where that collar button is when l
want it, Mrs. Hicks-Where is it,
Hicks --The baby has swallowed it. ---
Truth.
GRAMMAR CLASS. Teacher Now,
Johnny, see If you can't give me an
example of sentence. johnny
Ten dollars or ten days. Black and
White.
-"The clopemcnt of Che
ney's wife was in the nature Of
boomerang, wasn't it?" Hooks
"How SOP" Caraway-" returned
the next day. Truth.
GRACE-How did Mrs. Duton man
age to have so many men at her tea?
Rosalie--Oh, she had the wine list.
printed on the back Of the cards She
sent out.-New York Herald.
"BEEN South, understand" yes;
/ was down there nearly all summer"
Great country. Very hospitahie
yeople" YES, indeed. Butter flows
like water there in the summer
TEACHER In what part Of the 81
bic is it taught that man should
have only one wife? Little Boy
guess it's the part that says no man
can serve two masters. tool News.
II suppose when you marry the
duke YOU will go to his home in Eng
land with him." Dear me, no. /
wouldn't trust myself away over there
with a man | know so little about. y
Life.
AN Atchison boy complained Of
having a pain in his hip, and an in
yestigation revealed the fact that kt
had so many things in his pockets
that it hurt him to walk.
Globe.
Mamma, can't you teln
me new fairy story" Mrs. Braggs
Il don't know any, Johnny.
Maybe your father will tell me some
when he comes in tonight. Boston
Gazette.
LITTLE Box Visiting in the coun-
try)-"Oh, mamma, l saw a great
big mamma pig down to the barn.
Mamma-"You did?' Little Boy
eyes, an she had a whole lot OF pig
mics Good News.
MOTHER Why aren't you Sndl
George as good boys as your little.
brother?' Young Hopeful guess
| it's cause you'd had more experience
bringin up boys wen you commenced,
on him. Good News.
$50 JINKs has abandoned the study
of theology and taken to the stage.
Ell. What caused him to change SOP
IAN old uncle of his died and left
him diamond about the size Of a
hickorynut. - indianapolis Journal.
HAVE you ever crossed the ocean?"
"No, and ] don't think | ever will. !"
'Then you don't know what it is tn
realize that land is ont of sight, turn
| in whatever direction you may. -
"Yes. / do, though. I've been in "a
Western town boom. "-lntcr Ocean.
SUE DEERING - I'm afraid papa
| was angry when you asked him for
me- wasn't he, Jack, love? Jack,
Hillow-Not at all. He asked if |!
knew any more respectable young
men who would be likely to marry
your five sisters If properly coaxed.x
Harper's Bazaar
HIGH PRESSURE CIVILIZATION. -
Stranger-"I don't see how an old
man cin get around New York with
out being run over" New Yorker
by the time a man gets old in New
York he's rich enough to have car.
riage, or else he's in a lunatic,
asylum. New York Weekly.
SHE-Did you have a pleasant
evening at the Tolivers? He-Yes.
AS soon as b put my light arm
around Daisy's waist she put both,
hers around mine Then she scream
ed let 60, but she hung on Her
father came in and read the statutes
referring TO breach of promise--andi
yes, had a very nice time. New
York Herald.