The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1892-08-04
WIT AND IIUMOR.

The irrant monument Iund Is almost
old en1ngh II deserve monument of
It's own. P':r!h'.
1t is not generally believed that a
liquid eye is essential to poring over q
book.-Roston courier.
Money is not exactly religious ar
ticle, bat still it has denomination
of its own. Rochester Post.
What is love? Two heads with but
q single thought, two fools that act
like one.-B0stost TfGaScript.
From present indications the sum-
mer girl will look very much like a
slice out of n nbow.-BaltimOre dnl-
erican.
Amateur photographers win hold
meeting IN Rochester next summer.
1t viii be q snap convention.-Btng
han,ton Republican.
1t is hard for the world to believe
that the sinner who rides in carriage
is made out OF the same clay as the one
who gs,-Ram'S Horn.
Talk is cheap" the proverb says,
but that is no reason why any man
should bother his neighborS with cheap
-Somcrriie Journal.
Il have at last come to the conclu-
sion," began Mr.. Stalate. $50 glad"
murmured his fair victim, glancing at
the ciock.-N. I. Herald
Youngblood-" were speaking of
your alma mater just now. Of what
college are you an alumnus?" Old
Soak-"Dwight!" t!"-Butalo Express.
The boy is not only father to the
man, but he aspires to be boss of
the woman. When the woman is his
mother he generally succeeds. Boston
Transcript.
Did you ever see such backward
spring as this?" asked Bellefeld.
"No" replied Manchester, "but | have
seen many back summerset. Pits
dtt5g Chronicle.
Glorious $50 you told Joblots hell
was like fiery furnace? What did he
say?" Cynicus Didn't care; said it
would be out more than half the time. I"
N. T. Herald
Mrs. Grumps Cooking over new
house) - What in the world is this
vast attic for9" Mr.. Grumpps-'1t's
to hold the things you buy and can't
use. ~ Y. Weekly.
I'm going to-start my boy in life as
a maker of weather yanes," said Park
ly. What an ideal" "Yes. In that
business one gets to the top at once,
don't you see? ?"-BoSt0n Post.
They say that old Bick is a regular
pirate" "Yes, | came to the conclu-
sion that he was perfect freebooter
when | called upon his daughter the
other night. ."-Boston Gazeue.
Mr.. Norris the janitor of your
fiat honest?" Mr. Skyhigh-"I guess
so; / gave him 50 when | moved in
last May, aud | haven't had to buy but
one ton of coal since. Life.
Dicker-"I am told that Wahl is a
very different man in his family than
on the street" Bond = "Yes; Mrs.
bear at home. ~ Y. Herald.
Professor - Under what circum-
stances does money flow out of the
country" Student-~Why, when a
foreign nobleman marries an Ameri-
can girl?" Harrard Lanlpoon.
City Editor-"We ought to get a new
heading for the weather column. 'Lo-
cal Forecasts is about played out"
Assistant-"Ho would The Unex-
pected Always Happens do?"-Lye.
Laura Lonely-"This drinking cup
was made for me when was ba by"
Rosa Roaster-"iow beautiful. Aren't
the productions of the ancient metal
workers charming. ."-JcWeler's Weekly.
Marguerite "Why do they call this
leap year," Pearl (wearily) i
suppose because there are 366 DAYS
in which one has q chance to jump
at an offer of marriage, brooklyn
Eagie.
Spriggs 1T looks to me as if it was
going TO rain before night" Briggs
Is that SO? | must start right out
now, then, and borrow an umbrellas
before the other fellow notices it,
SomerUitte journal.
Mrs. Corso (reading) There has
beep~another big robbery in New York
"a million dollars stolen" Mr.. Carso
(an enthusiastic Hill Democrat) )-"Ah.
Another Hill victory. They can't beat
him. ."-Butaio Express.
Seminary Teacher - yesterday
read you the histories of some famous
heroic acts; now, Ella. what would you
consider an example of modern
deed of heroism?" Ella-"To refuse L
Lieutenant "-FHegcnde B{attcr.
THAT is Mrs. Street. COMMISSIONS
Jones over there, isn't it? NO; not
now" "Divorced?" No: her hus-
bands been promoted. She is now
Mrs. First-Assistant Deputy Subcon-
troller Jones. "-Huper'S Bdzar.
For years" observed the verbose
caller to the busy editor, Il have been
endeayoriny to discover the lost tribes
of Israeli Has it ever occurred to
lou to advertise for them?" asked the
editor with deep concern. Detroit Free
Press.
First Professor see. they let
him in the Academy of Sciences be-
cause he had taken an A. B.. an 5. b.,
an A. NJ. Ph. d.. and an NJ. D."
Second Professor-"A | understand
he worked in by degrees. Harcard
Lfiap0oH.
Hotel Clerk Sorry, but can't ac-
comno late your troupe" Theatrical
Manager don't suspect we'd be
elephants. on your hands. do you?"
Hotel Clerk-"O, no. I've seen no
signs OF a trunk et."-Kate Fields