The morning call., 1892-12-21
QUEER HUMANITY.
Where the Daft and Silly
Ones Sleep.
A CRANKS' LODGING-HOUsE.
Some Odd Specimens of Humankind
and Where They Congregate
Twice Day.
You climb up one pair. of rickety stairs
and then turn TO the right

You climb up one pair. of riekety stairs
and then turn to the right.
a mlddle-aged woman. surprisingly come
iy Tor such dingy little old place. greets
you with a pleasant smile to the "Cranks'
Lodging house"
Now. don't make the mistake of intimat-
Ing to this pleasant-faced ardlady that there
are cranks In her rooms. for she is particu-
larry sensitive on that point.
Just ask to see "The Captain" or Lord
Beckett" Count Zweibier' or Major
burke" or any other OF the celebrities who
honor her house with their patronage. She
KNOWS the habits and ways of each of these
characters. and will converse pleasantly
about them If you keep severely straight
c0untenance meanwhile.
You have seen ''The Captain" about town
often enough to knaw his face well. tie
wears score or moreOof brass and iron and
TIN medals. His breast is fairly covered
with these cheap trinkets, every one of
winch he proudly imagines was presented
10 him by some monarch or order of nobil-
ity.
He haunts the wharyes and big store
houses most, but occasionally strOlls out
Mar k6t street to the new City Hall.
Ihe truekmen and drivers all know him
and with much humorous dignity and cere-
Dony always present him with any tin
medal that happens TO be within reach
whenever THE captain" puts in appearance.
lie talks nationally enough" says the
landiady OF THE Cranks' Lodging house,"
III you only say good morning to him or
how do you do or something like that
But when you try 10 draw him out he ram
bes.
He has no means of support that know
OF, but he IS very honest and pays his bills
regularly. suppose the drivers and other
nj IA In 80 4
ter now and then. don't know how else
be makes his living.
He's very regular In his habits, Is always
In bed by o'clock in the evening and out
again at In the morning every day in the
year. His right name is Lyons, / believe,
but they call him the captain.
The landiady does not know SO much
about Lord Beckett" at least she will not
talk so freely about him. lie is a queer
character, has n 10 means of earning lveli-
hood, yet usually pays his small bills with
regularity, and has great deal of leisure
on his hands.
He wears an old white high hat and in
variably carries the remnants of an al
paca umbrella, winter or summer. lie is
clean daft, imagines himself ruler aud a
nabob of unlimited power and wealth. His
chief occupation is going about d spensing
Cabinet positions anu appointing Lords
High this and that. He is a corrupt mon
arch. however, for he takes brides from
aud rank.
1t is even worse than that. II you cross
his palm with 10-cent piece you may be
sure OF at least q knighthOod. For quar-
ter you can be made LOId Chancellor of the
Privy Purse.
The city detectives keep sharp eve on
Lord Beckett, for they sometimes sus-
pect that there is tinge of method in his
madness. DE was rich once, and his failure
Impoverished his brain as well as his cof-
lers.
You all know Count Zweibier." He
is the famous actor who plays Richard"
and Hamlet" and all the great tragedies
all by himself. lie works hard at whatever
he can turn his hand TO. saves his money,
hires a hall and "dons the sock and buskin''
aud threads the boards" 10 his hearts con-
tent
Alas! an uuappreciative public has failed
to recognize his great talent.
Major Burke" you can find on ore or the
other OF the ferry-boats at most any hour OF
the day or evening. He strides up and
down the lower decks, and deelaims yehe-
mently against the sins OF society. He
reads the papers and keeps posted on new
topics. then retails them TO his auditors on
Zoe ferry-L0at.'
lie is a harmless crank He talks loud,
but beyond that does no damage. He paws
his fare on the boat, and although he is
something OF nuisance, the railroad peo-
pie can't just see their way clear TO get rid
OF him.
There Is one popularity common TO all
these cranks, says the landlady, and that is
that they all take great deal OF sleep, at
least ten hours. The major sleeps late In
the day TO make up for his evening work"
on the ferry steamers.
Once this "Cranks' clearinghouse" was
one Of the leading hotels in San Francisco
Now IL Is tumbled-down, rekety affair,
situated north of Market street, In the
Wholesale and commission district, aud
quite IN keeping with its queer inmates.