Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-06-20
JUST FOR FUN.

TOmmy-IW1nS.
What is done can not be undone,
especially if it is a hard-boiled egg.
Trivvet-Isn't Mrs. Chinner a hand
some woman? Dicer-Yes, but she is
not as handsome as she is painted.
Johnny-Do you say your prayers
every night? JIMMY do whenever
I've gotter sleep in the folding bed.
Inquisitive Neighbor i hear that
your sister is engaged. Is that true?
Small Boy-Guesso. She generally is.
A successful dinner party does MT
depend SO much upon who cooks the
dinner as who tells the stories after it
is eaten.
$50 the cook is going to leave?"
1T don't know. I discharged her to-
day, and she said she would think it
over"
Kind Party = What are you crying
that way for, little boy? Little Boy
cause it's the only way know how
to cry.
Teacher = Who was the prophet
Joshua? Dick-He was the man who
commanded his son to sit still and he
obeyed him.
Mrs. Van Bibber-Our cook left this
morning. Mrs. Van Twiller = What
was the trouble? Mrs. Van Bibber-
She objected to my cooking.
The boy is not only father to the
man, but he aspires to be boss of the
woman. When the woman is his
mother he generally succeeds.
It is not work that kills men. It is
thinking how to put in the longest
time on the shortest jobs. That's
what saps the human energies.
Small boy to teacher-Pll have to
go to the woods this time; the trees
we planted last arbor day gave out
the last time you licked Jimmy Jen-
kins.
Mercy me! exclaimed Mrs. Newly
wed to her new kitchen servant, |
don't understand how such a stupid
girl could come from an intelligence
office.
Aged Admirer-Think Of all the lux
uries a rich husband like me could
give you. Miss De Young-Oh, a rich
father would do just as we'll. Marry
my mother.
"I have heard Of the courage of
mans convictions" said the prisoner
at the bar, 'Ebut it seems to me that
the more times I get convicted, the
less courage I has"
Mrs. Cobwigger = Is the woman's
reading room the same as the mems?
gger-Exactly, except that they
had to take down the sign, "No talk
ing allowed"
Judge What sort of man, now,
was it you saw commit the assault?
Constable Sure, your honor, he was
& small insignificant cratur about your
own size, your honor.
Wife = The papers are continually
telling about wives pulling their hus-
bands hair. don't see where it comes
in. Husband (meek]y) = 1t doesn't,
my dear, it comes out.
Neighbor- Well, Patrick, I'm glad
your master is dead. He was an old
skin flint, anyway. Patrick (indig-
nantly) -Faith, and Oh bet if he wor
alive you'd not be afther sayin' you
wor glad he wor dead!
Johnny (to his little playmate, Jim
mie)-Say, my big brother thinks an
awful lot of your sister. "How do
you know" "'Cause he gave her a
bowlful of butternuts, an every
meat was picked out whole"
Don't get your Paint on to thick
You may think this is strange advice
for a man to give who wants to sell
you Paint. 1t is, however, good ad-
vice.
with paint which has sufficient body
to hold the oil until all the ingredients
dry and harden together.
The Chiffon is an oil paint and
should be brushed out, giving coat
of paint uniform in thickness and col
or, covering the building with just
enough paint to properly preserve the
wood, withstand changes of tempera-
ture, the action of salt air and other
conditions under which many paints
fail.
Chiffon Paint Co. Boston or New
York.