The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1892-07-05
MIN CAD FATE or ELI OWE


1uAalne etatssman Crushed by Mel
Z Whe 1wers ~ Make Him Great
DoNn il the southern part Of Missouri
Nkxsoslivod young man By the name o
Ell Fave, rays thesHt I. Louis Republic. MI
ma ooms little sense, magnificent ant
epb9aet epnceit, Was proud OF his voioe ane
M aGuss, ahough There was nothing II
OiIAes ~ ~ proud Of. for nature seemed to
have juat been amusing herself while max
~ him. He poazesssd IN arrssisibly comic
tacs and his credulity surpassed all under.
standing. He fell into all the traps INA,
Wers ~ for him. and jokes we're prepared
- him regularly and carried ON wltn
xaultleas precision. There u . debatlng 80
$!ss Y,1 y shs a,' rs gre = xoun ns'g psople Belonged Snssd
% "a, Including Eli. All sorts of questions
Wsre debated, and Eli was always on one
hide or the other, and by aRreemcne every
epptsss for the past six months
has boon won BY Ellis side, any ~
Was Rivsn the credit for II. his vanity ~ ~
~ got 90 he strutted standing still. Mean
tims the boys we're mot saying anyth'nH'
hut they were saving lota Of wood.
About 4 month ago there was a vacancy
IN the precinct for the august office OF con
stable, and Eli was prevailed upon ny 'ue
NAOk0O0Eo Oh euo u0DhelAk soSAosJ
candidate. They would 90 TO NM epa-
xately and tell him be was the most aVaila-
Bile man Tor the place and II he would only
permit his name to be used his election
would be certain. OF course each time ne
was interviewed he would take his supposed
friend 70 the GROSS roads grocery ana na ss'
sem up." El's older and truer frlenos,
knowing his weakness, told him that he was
being made q fool of; that there was no
chance for him. No chance. no chance -!
But Eli needed not this advice, and IN uue
tirae announced himself as a candidate by
posting ny notices written IN red INK on tne
BIC trees by the roadside. Before the cam
psian had proceeded very far five other
candidates we're announced, but EMS de-
batting society friends insisted that there
vas no occasion for him to ieel alarmed.
Very we'll, he wasn't.
During tho campaign ELI went regularly
everv day into the forest aSd praoticed on
1he delivery Of his speech that he was to
make the day of his election. So sure was
he OF victory that he bsrgained with the
crossroads grocery store for a big barbecue
for his friends after the election was over.
Moreover ho borrowed all the tin cups in
The neighborhood 80 that his guests would
not have 70 drink out of the jug.
Time went on and the day OF election
dswnsd. Eli had been told to remain at
home until late in the afternoon, for 1t
would look undipnided in him, a candidate,
10 be near the polls. Whom he did show
IN the. counting OF tho votes had already
begun, and in q little while the result was
announced, and to his surprise and disgust
he was the hindmost man in the race. Be-
side1 the humiliation of defeat there was
Che barbecue that he had paid for and a
speech that contained too much valuable
intellectual material to let &c to waste. So
he ordered the barbecue to be prepared,
and invited the crowd around. Toasts
we're drank and responded to-. Finally
someone arose and said: Here's to the
dofsatsd, but m"agnsnimous Eli Powe.
Everybody RISE" and everybody stood up.
This gave Eli . chance to get in his speech,
which he delivered in dramatic style. His
psroration was something like this: my
friends, as / WAS or tellin' You when l first
ariz, thsy tells me that I am beat and
chawed, and dzrned badly chawed at that.
I'll tell you the reason, friends. On the
ldes OF November 1876, history has recorded
in her darkest pages that Willard Fillmore.
one OF the greatest and truest types OF
American patriotism and craftsmanship,
won't down under the damnsble. bringing
CRY Of 40 chance, NO chance. no chance!
In time 10 como history will again record
IN pages darker than night itself, that on
The ides OF May, 1892, Eli Powew went down
under the same internal sporadic howl"
He expected great applause when he
bat not q sound was heard.
Everyone sat in ~listless apathy, and in
great disgust he picked up his hat and
turned to 60, remarkino rs no walked away,
''and you fellows don't seem to care a
tinksr's damn if history does"
The next day Eli moved to Texas.