New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1892-11-20
Uncle BILL" AND HIS CURES.
HIS ADVICE TO YOUNG PEoPLE-How TO STOP
HICCOUGHS.

HIS ADVICE TO YOUNG PEOPLE-hO" ~ slOr
HICCOUGHS.
Tho boot clded along IN a silence broken ONLY by
e steady splash OF "Uncle Bllls" oars. ana the TWO
vounr people in the stern. strangers to the ola man.
Ia ooasod their low conversation and were watch
ing the great red sun sink behind the Dnhucro'fs
I, was the ending Of perfect day, and as the hen'
c novsd slowly along the eastern shore OF the
rvor through water flushing under the departing sor
NJ the orb Of day." the beauty OF the scene impressed
the voung people and they did not care TO talk lhc
nc the fiery god hid his face behind the russeu creS.
y, the tbunderer" the conds boating above IL nafoa
with golden light, and formed gorgeous diaoem i"r
Tho maintain slowly the brightness went out oil the
sky andsthe evening shadows we're creeping Gown 'ie
eidos ofybundcrberg when "Uncle BILL" ROLLING ms
| hinge chaw tcrbacker' in his capadons Jaws r.
marked .,,,, q
oue<ton wot amt none or my business =
The young man started.
| "Hey? why no. / gucs1 not; what Is IL
uWelo said the seer. solemny. oS darRDro"h
stream shot from his lips and discoored 'he ouhi"!
o,.- us this: be YOU married TO that young lady
couse II We are advise you ter CIT anolher one Ter
| she amt COIN ter live iong-she's got ther gaps
aCot the what - demanded the astOunded young
man. while his companion opened her blue eyes IN
unbounded establishment
aTbor caps." replied "Unce Bill" cheerfuly :
q ,oo TX. chickens have 'em. She's got 'cm sure;
., ,or ran four or Eve times In Their last bali n
hour People what's got the gaps wants fer be malin
ther Will: an tell yer agn, yer ~nnter BE- iooKin
out fer mother one
As he finished sympathetic grin stole over bis
face for the cousins who not only were not married.
49,, who had no particular affection for each other
r.re conv,nsed The old mans remark threw them
q, once into paroxysm Of mlrth which they could not
master They laughed until they were forced 10
stop from sheer WEAKNESS.
"Tnclc BIZ looked pleased at the effect his words
,.d produced and as both his auditors had grown
redder thnn the glowing west with excessive laugh
fer he evidently thought he had struck home. When
the objects Of his uncalledfor remarks had partially
recovered he said. half alphabetically
I've bin bOatin' thcr river 20 long That alluz
talks ter people like that. 80 Yer mustn't mind It,"
"Ob we don't mind it. assure YOU returned tho
Young man. $50 you are doomed. Lulu' YOU must
be II you've got the gaps
Then they went off into another tit OF laughter.
An occasional involuntary "sncker' from
the other as they recalled the ludicrous advice was
the only sound except the rhytlincal splash VI the
oars heard during the next fifteen minutes. Then
Uncle B'' who had been keeping one eye on the
young person whom he had so confidently asserted
was going into decline OH account Of the gaps"
''c That cured her: She amt gaped w,nz since"
"Whatf' came from the youth. In voice begin
why, sayin' wot ! did. It's jcs the same with
hiclIps. You know wot hiclsups Is; hckups-any
body's likely TO hev them. DO yer know how ter
cure 'cm :"
The young mentioned few WAYS he knew
about-holdng the breath. drinking cold water, etc.
I'u-yaaS,' assened the old slowly. a. but
them ways amt much good for bad hlchupS. Tier
bes' way TO cure real bad hlonlps Is This way sup
pose had the hlckups or you had 'eIn this young
ady-anybody's likely TO have 'em. know: well.
now, 'spose This young lacy had cm bad Won come
into ther where She Is an say 10 her that's or
nice thing you bin sayin' bout me- amt II Thatll
cure her: it'll make 'er mad. Same way with Their
gaps-make 'em mad an il 'eu."
Ills shrieking auditors had not finished laughing
when the boat alongside the float and as they
stepped out II and started off the old man called
after them
well, II yer amt married 10 that Young lsdy an
are only goln ter ! advise We ter git another gal,
canse that won't last long-shes got fie Vaos.'