Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-10-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The spectacles most admired by ladies
are gold Observation-Disclosures Republi-
cal.
The COW sets us an admirable example
she never blows her own horn
Statesman.
"Mamma," said little Johnny, 'if I
swallowed a thermometer would | die by
degrees2"-Boston Post.
Professor-"What animal il most
faithful to man2" Lovesick Student
enthusiastically Women Pick
Me Up.
81 Declare" said the new baby in its
mind, "I shan't try to talk any more.
l am always being misunderstood. y
Washington Star.
'.I like to hear baby cry" said a
crusty old bachelor. "Why2" " Because
then the little nuisance is taken out of
the room. Tit Bits.
Mistress--''You know how to make
bread, I presumed New Girl-"No mum.
No use learnin' such things till after 1
gets married. Puck.
"This is an unread letter day for me-"
said the young woman as she tossed the
slighted missive unopened into the waste
basket. Washington Star.
'Is it not very exciting to see the
anchor weighed aboard ship2" "Not
half SO exciting as it would be to see
one wade ashore. Kings Jester.
Mrs. Pune -Tual -.-''Your clock is al
ways on time Pray how do you manage
iti" Mrs. Slopay-"Why, my husband
got it that way" Jewellers Weekly.
Young Slowboy-"Oh, no, Miss Smilax,
l assure you l was not attempting to
kiss you; l should not dare do such n
thing" Miss Smiax x-"I hate coward"
Boston Courier.
What the belated husband needs is a
key yhole as large as horse collar, so that
he can stick his head through it and call
his wife to come down and open the
door.-Dallas News.
When an old bachelor gets married
there is always great curiosity to see his
bride. The people want to see what
kind of a woman he has spent so many
years looking for.-Chicago Times.
Drawing Teacher (despondently)-
"rhat thing you have drawn looks
more like cow than it does like horse"
Fair Pupil brightly -"Why, Of
course, Professor, it is COW. lid
Bits.
tPolitics are decidedly mixed in our
family said Mr.. Jungepapp. My
wife is Democrat; am Republican,
and the baby, as near as I can make out,
is calamity howler. Indianapolis
Journal.
al hope you appreciate tho fact, sir,
that in marrying my daughter you marry
large-hearted, generous girl" ~ do,
sir with emotion), and l hope sho in
herits those qualities from her father"
Brooklyn Life.
Younghusband-''If were you, my
dear, wouldn't tell my friends had
trimmed that hat myself" Mrs. Young
husband-"Why, love, would it be con-
ceitedf" Younghusband-"No; super
fiuous. Lilies Calendar.
"Why, hello, old mani I thought
you intended to make your European
trip last ycara" al did, but my wife
found a ne " fashion in gowns in Paris
and hurried home to be the first to wear
it."-Indianapolis Journal.
Minister-'Johnnie, suppose you
save all your pennies to help make COM
Portable the poor, benighted hcathen7"
Little Johnnie proudly)-"Yes, sir;
do. Mamma took everything out OF my
bank this morning to help get n present
for you. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Her heart is returning ball,
With an elastic stringi
Itnever flies beyond recall
At her most careless fling;
And when she sends it out TO mo
grasp at it In vain,
For, with a smilo of glrlish glee,
She draws it back again!
Puck