The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-09-14
A MAN UNDER THE BED.
A Philadelphia Woman's Fright at the
Mere Sight of Pair of Boots.


1t will perhaps not startle mankind
generally to learn that there is a lady
residing somewhere on the west side
in this corpulent city who looks under
her bed every night before she blows
out the gas to see whether some bold.
bad man has not come in unawares
and is lying in wait to see where she
puts her false teeth. She has been do
ing this for no living man dares say
how many summers. Not because she
has any objections to man, for she is
unmarried and has not altogether sur
rendered hope, but she very properly
objects to man under her bed. AS
there are probably very few women in
New York who look under the bed be-.
fore retiring this one is sufficiently
designated when I say she resides in
a fashionable quarter under the pro-
tecting wing of a male parent and two
bachelor brothers. Her maid spstains
the relation of picket=guard in a small
communicating room.
One of the bachelor brothers is of a
convivial turn of mind and is liable not
to come home nights. The first black
bass day of the season the convivial
brother went a-fishing. The motion
of the water during the day had the eff
feet of curiously turning his head; so
that when he came home early in the
night he began to dlvest himself of his
fishing garments as soon as he got in
to the hall, hanging his piscatorial
coat on the newell post and distributing
the rest of the outfit right and left as
he went up to bed. This saved valu-
able time and will serve as pointer to
those who are prone to fall into bed
with their boots on.
1t so happened that the maiden sis
ter was doing the society act around
the corner and came in later. accom-
panied by her maid. The former at
once discovered the strange-looking
coat flung round the newell post and
almost tainted. But the maid is of a
more masculine build and tempera-
ment and came out strong in this
emergency.
"It's somebody in the house. ma'am."
she hoarsely whispered, @Donit say
word AM well get him him!"
"But, Laurai Laura! just think!
1 don't want him!" whimpered the mis-
tress, sIndeed, / can't go up there!"
"Then you stay in the drawing-room,
ma'am, and I'll go up and wake Mr..
Charles"
"No, no-he might be in the base
ment this minute packing the silver.
Pll 60 with you, Laura. I'm such 3
coward and you're SO strong and
brave!"
They stole quietly upstairs. At the
head of the first flight they came across
another old garment.
"It's his vest" said the maid, "and
here's his cap" she added, picking up
the ill-smelling headpiece between her
thumb and forefnger. ugh! it smells
of fish,"
"Oh, dear! He must have expected
to stay all night"
They hesitated just minute and
listened, The customary snore from
the next floor back was reassuring.
at do sound nice," said Laura "Mr.
James is in, anyhow, and that's more
than we have any right to expect. :"
Both women braced up. 81 don't be-
lieve no burglars come in and throw
their clothes around like this, I" finally
remarked the shrewd serving girl. "rll
find out before I make a fool of N.Y.
SELF" she added. "You go in your
room, ma'am, an lock the doors if you
want to, I'm going down into the base
ment."
With considerable reluctance and
some protestation the mistress, having
first explored the maids room and her
own chamber by the full glare of the
gas, consented and the maid went
boldly down into the basement. She
found the silver and everything else
all right and had started upstairs
again, when an unearthly shrek rang
through the house. She flew upstairs
two or three steps at a time and round
ed the second-story landing just as a
gentleman in his night dress, armed
with Notwithstanding pistol, rush
ed from the back bedroom. They
telescoped on the curve and went
down with noise like putting in the
aoh, dear! Why, Mr.. Charles!"
groaned the maid. Don't shoot!"
"You confounded fool!" yelled the
old bachelor, rubbing his bruised
bald heaI-"it's you, is it,"
"Wow! Vow! Murder! Help!" came
from the front room and forgetting
their own bruises both master and
servant scrambled to their feet and
rushed to the rescue.
"Here he is! Un- der : my bed!"
gasped the half fainting mistress,
I doubled up in heap on the floor.
Quick as flash the bold maid sprang
for the bed and the now thoroughly
aroused bachelor brother, catching
sight of a dirty pair of boots, thrust
the pistol under, shouting: "Come
|, out there or I'll shootw And he
grabbed the nearest boot and gave it
terrible jerk-and fell back on the
floor with nothing but boot!
"Wha-wha-w whazer row 'bout?"
> 1t was the other bachelor brother,
his nightrobe on wrong side foremost
/ swaying on the doorknob.
{ "Whaz-all-erowp Nobody ca-catct
t fish z all zis noise! Gimme my boot
watcher doin' wi-wi-my boot? Eli
D 'Idget yer feet wet? Lesh noise
} catch more fish = zee? Pass bait
: pleash!" Philadelphia Record.