Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1892-01-13
Fun.

The earth is the Lords, but the
streets belong to the street railway
mpanies.-Cleveland Leader.
Republics were ever ungrateful. We
put our great men on postage stamps
and then punch their heads.-Puck.
He-''Do you believe in marrying
for money, Miss Antique?" She-'.l
don't know; how much have you got!
Guest-"You seem musical. / al
ways hear you whistling. What is
your favorite songp Waiter-''Re-
member me, sah." lie got quarter.
1t is a curious fact that while wo-
.nen are reticent about their own ages,
they have no hesitation about publish
ing the ages of other women.-Pitts-
burg Bulletin.
Humorist-'I suppose this little
joke will so at regular rates If accept
cd" EditOr-''Yes, guess so. 1t is
too Oh to travel for half-fare any long
er."-Terre Haute Express.
Clara (patronizingly)-"It is a good
plan for person in society, TO try at
least to look wise" Debutante-'.True!
But don't you sometimes find it hard
10 do so?"-Drake's Magazine.
Head clerk-"Tm letting my whisk-
ers grow, SIR" $50 see; but l can't
permit employees to grow their whisk-
ers in business hours. They must be
done on their own time. ."-Toront"
Grip.
Proud father-''Heavens! What a
passion for the sea my son Siegfried
has. Last evening he went to the ma
val ball; afterwards he was seasicF
and now-he is eating raw clans"
Bibbs-'Let me see, didn't Squibbs
make an offer of marriage to the edi-
tress of some publication or other"
Dibbs-'"Yes, and the offer, like his
latest manuscript, was respectfully de
clined."
His only failing-Miss Charity-"1s
your husband addicted to the use of al
cohOlic stimulants?" Recipient of
alms-"No, indade, mum. not he; his
only failin' is driukin'. Lawrence
American.
The kind and correct thing to say to
the conner home is: 81 hope you feel
rested from your vacation" Nobody
says crested by your vacation" except
those who haven't had any.-Bostop
Commonwealth.
Mother was victorious. Jimmy
Brown-"Has your ma been whippin'
you Billy?" Billy-'I don't care to
answer. It's sufficient for you to
know that she got the upper hand of
We. Lawrence American.
Needed coaching. Young farmer
| (apologetically)-''I know Pm a per
feet bear in my manners, Miss Edna u
Sweet sixteen (hesitatingly) -"No,
your not; you you - have neve'
hagged me yetv'-Budget.
! Nowadays the young men of the
period don't go down on their knee:
in nervous agony before the future
wives. They hold solitaire diamond
ring above their heads and the girl:
jump for it.-Somerville Journal.
"w hat general event happened II
1852" asked a Boston school teacher
referring to the Centennial Fair
Whcreupon a bright boy answered
.'The National Base Ball League wa
formed then."-New York Tribune.
English as She is Spoke.-Miss Ia
Mode Cooking into Farmer Fleece
garden)-..You asked me to stop SOM
day and see your fine lettuce heads
Are these thcy?' Farmer Fleece
"Them's um. ."-IIarper's Bazaar.
| man of family-Prodley-'I hea
you have been getting married.
Tooker-"Ycs." PRODIGY -"Whon
did you marry?" Tooker "Mill
Jones, her mother, her step-father
and two maiden aunts."-Harper' Ba
zar
Old Sportsman-"Ah,I / see you'v
got a partridge. Did you use the bir
shot?" Amateur sportsman (sarcast
cally) ''Of course | did. How do 20
think l killed him? S'pose L caugt
him in a barn, and dubbed him
} death ?"-Puck.
Fond Notwithstanding, did yo
|, give the bigger apple to Charlie, as
, told you tor" Johnnie-''No; yo
see ate his apple up first by mistake.
.Did you give him the other one then
"Oh, no, you see the other one Wa
mine. Light.
FREEZIN9