The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1892-06-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

they do not look bit alike-Ram's
Horn.
Time is money" remarked Broke
with a sigh, as he gazed at his watch
and steered for the pawnbroker's.-
Life.
"Do You think his party will give
him vindication?" They'll have to.
He was proved guilty, wasn't hep
Pick
No wonder typewriters are so sue
cessful-they always have their busi
ness at their fingers ends.-Baltimore
-Aniertcan.
Customer-"Seems to me that razor
is rather dull. Barber" "Moight be,
sab. 1t was to pahty las night, sah."
-G0Od NeUs.
Police Captain--"Did you catch that
murderer last night?" Detective
mo; bat / dreamt that / had clew."
~ !. Weekly.
If men knew as much at 40 years of
age as they knew at thirty there would
be more statesmen in the country
1eras Sytings.
First Tramp-"I haven't seen you
| for three months. What have YOU
been doing?" Second Tramp-fTime."
" T. Herald
"But why did they break off the
match at the last moment?" 90, the
color of his hair killed everything in
her trousseau. Life.
Does your wife pull down your
ties?" asked jerks. No." replied
Breezy, but she frequently raises my
choler. ~. \. Herald.
Clara-"I thought you expected your
French maid on this steamer" Maud
= did. But the steamer didn't stop
at Queenstown. life.
She-"Since my return from the
South of France I'm another woman."
Sarcastic Friend-"How delighted your
husband must be. Fan.
Miss Daisytuft admires her intend
ed very much, does she?" NO" re-
piled the other girl. "she admires what
she thinks he is. Washington Star.
Father-"Everything l say to you
goes in at one ear and out at the other"
Little Son (thoughtfully)-"Is that
what little boys has two ears for, papa?"
Good Nears.
| That's beautiful stained-glass
window" Yes; it was given by Mrs
| de Richie, whose pew is just below. She
wanted something to suit her COM
| pleXion. Puck.
She was worth million and when
Herbert said: "Will YOU be mine?"
| she answered: "No, Herbert, | will
not; but you lnay be mine if you wish"
Washington Star.
There's man in Baltimore who is
the lucky possessor of Benjamin
Franklin's watch" That's nothing. l
| know man who has Adams apple. ~
JeUeler's Circular.
A Michigan druggist has been knock
ed down and robbed by highwaymen.
This comes of the careless newspaper
talk about drug store prices Louis
riile Courier-Jounal.
Mrs. Figg-"Did you notice how
teacher last night5" Mr.. FiggDaYep. Fl els
She gave him licking Yesterday after
noon. ."-Indianapolis Journal.
Doctor-"My dear madame there is
nothing the matter with you--vou
only need rest" But, Doctor, Just
look at my tongue" Needs rest, too,
madame. ."-Ftiegende Blatter.
When a man dies and leaves a nice
young widow with plenty of money,
and you see her walking out with the
| executor on Sunday afternoon, a
change is imminent.-IerasS SJtings.
Willie-"Do you like milk. Mr.. Stay
late?" Staylate-"Not particularly,
my little man; why do you ask?"
Willie-"Sister says you never leave
until the cows come home. IN Y
Sun.
what do you think of this gold
cure for Drunkenness" 1T may be
all right, but gold would never cure
me. There is nothing sobers me up
so quick as being dead broke."-N. Y.
Press.
Jess-"My chaperon has been dis
missed and an older one engaged"
Bess-"You didn't have difference of
opinion did you?" Jess-Neyer; we
always fell in love with the same man."
Truth.
Teacher-"Try to remember this:
Milton, the poet, was blind. Do you
| think you can remember it?" "Yes
Ha'am." "Now, what was Milton's
great misfortune?" "He was a poet"
american Grocer.
She-"She must have much to con-
tend with. But as she knows her hus-
band is so quick-tempered, she makes
allowance for that, | suppose" He
"Yes, she is careful to keep in tower
ing rage all the time" ."-Epoch.
"Maud-I-I should like to walk
home with you, if you will let me-"
She (coldly)-"You may, if papa gives
his permission. He-"All right I'll
ask him. Where is hep" She-"He
went to Chicago last night. ."-Harper's
Bazdr.
eddler-"Beg pardon, ma'am, but
| am agent for Doctor Feeders Spice
Root Bitters, and I'm sure if the men,
bers of your family would try them
they would soon have the finest appe-
tites-" Lady at Door severely
This, sir, is boarding-house. -
Good Neocs.
Mr.. Wickwire-"ISn't this society
| reporter mistaken in speaking of Mrs.
j. Ellington Belts, Jr. | didn't know
there was any junior Belts" Mrs.
Wickwire-"Thati is just notion of
hers. She is his second. He still paws
alimony to the first one. Indian
apots Journal.
Brown-"Old Cobwigger is remark
ably superstitious for man of his in
telligence. | saw him pick up an old
| horseshoe. the other day" Merritt
Yes. He nailed it over that 5000
vase in his library" Brown-~Did it
bring him good luck?" Merritt-"It
fell down and broke the vase. "-Har-
per'S Bdzar.
Boston girl (to Uncle James)-~Do
you like living on farm?n Uncle
James-~Yes. | like it very much"
Boston girl--~I suppose you like it well