The record-union. [volume] (Sacramento, Calif.) 1891-1903, 1892-07-01
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT

Man despiges heartily Sheep killing
dog. He is fond of mutton himself
Galveston News.
catboat was so named because no one
ever knows which way it is going to
iump.-New Y ork Herald.
docs your husband swear as much as
ever?" ''Swearl Why, can't keep a
parrot two weeks in the house. "-Texas
Siftings.
The New Minister hope you pray
every day to be better? The Belize,
dear me, no. / am so good now Pm a
bore to my friends.-Life.
Mountain Guide-There is not a better
prospect for miles round. Here, gentle
men, you command view of thirty-two
innS.-ln der Sommerfrische.
Ifa bartender lives in boarding house
and doesn't want to give his business
away he should be careful how he stirs
his coffee at table.-Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Tomdik-Are you not afraid, with
Mr.. Hojack away so much? Mrs. Ho-
jack-Oh, not at all. The policeman on this
beat is engaged to my cook.-Detroit Free
Press.
Polly? ?" only for day." did YOU
battle 20 'No; somebody else was using
the ocean when we were there. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Modern Actor can't play in that
piece. The role does not fit me. Old
Time Manager thought you were an
actor. Modern Actor-No, only a STAR
New York Weekly.
Fosdick-Does the winner of a foot race
get more than the purse? Kickshaw-
What else should he get? Fosdick-I
thought he might be entitled to the gait
money.-Detroit Free Press
~ have seen just twenty-four sum-
mers," she said. Yes replied Billy
Bliyen impulsively and without malice
''but then you know you are quite near
sighted. Washington Star.
Hofbauer ION his deathbed)-At last the
time has come for me to be revenged on
that Lindenbauer. So then, wife, you
hear, the wretch is not to be invited to my
funeral.-Unsere Gesellschaft.
Excited Individual-Is't this where thew
swear people? Commissioner of Oaths-
Yes, sir; what can / do for you? Excited
Individual want to take an oath never
to put down another carpet Tit Bits.
Provisions are running pretty low
Pop" said Shem on the thirtieth day ont.
what are we agoing to do about it?'' II
don't know" said Noah, with wink at
Japhet, unless we eat Ham. Brook
Ign Life.
After the rendezvous: officer = The
IllOSt ucIiSAitltIA eFeulIlg OF my lie
kissed her and she said nothing! Young
Lady-The most aggravated evening of
my life! He kissed me and said nothing!
-Fliegende Batter.
Ethel-Mr. -George-mav T
call you George you must have seen
for long time-that Il George-Yes
but this is SO sudden. Ethel-That T.
have no use for a man that springs n
chestnut like that.-New York Herald.
If those who buy John L. Sulliyan,s
book think after reading it that they have
not got their moneys worth the money.
according to report, will be refunded.
All you have to do is TO go to the dis
tinguished Boston author and tell him in
PLAIN terms that his book is no good
New Y ork Herald.
In a small theater in the English prov
inces, at the close of the third act the Cur
tain did not drop the whole length. but
remained suspended half way. Stretched
on the stage lay solitary dead man. AS
all endeavors to lower the curtain failed.
the corpse at length got up and said in
sepulchral tones, NO rest even in the
grave" and dragged the curtain to the
ttoor.-Exchange
"Ah, can l hope, Viola ?'' said the
young lover. ''There is no apparent rea-
son, Mr.. Hamilton," responded Miss
Backbay severely, why you are men
tally incapable of hoping. as you would
seem to imply by the use of the auxiliary
verb can But if, as l infer, you meant
to make your Interrogation in the poten-
tial mood, and inquire whether you DeaU
hope, / should say no, you may not."S
Chicago News.