davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
HE KNEW A SKELETON.
A Joke That Recoiled Badly on Senate
Ingalls,.

A Joke That Recoiled Badly on Senator
Ingalls,.
There have been many jokes printed
about ex-senator John j. Ingalls,, of
Kansas. His 1neagre endowment of
flesh has been the occasion of good
many stories, one of the best of which
was related the other night by q Kansas
man.
''You know how lean ingalls, is," he
said. ''Well, down in Atchison there is
a doctor who is great friend of the
senator. This doctor had been greatly
annoyed by newsboy, who would
come into his Office very unceremoni-
ously and pester him by trying to sell
papers. One day when Ingalls, was in
the Office the boy was heard coming up
the stairs, and the doctor decided to put
up job on him. He rushed out an
articulated skeleton, placed it on a
chair by the desk, and then the two
men withdrew to the back room.
SIN rushed the boy, and, without
noticing what was at the desk, came
directly up to the skeleton. When he
looked up and saw it grinning at him
he was nearly scared into convulsions,
anu polteQ lor une uoor yelllng DlOody
murder. The joke tickled the doctor,
but Ingalls, conscience pricked him,
and going to the window he looked out
at the boy, who was standing below
crying.
"'Come upstairs, my boy he said,
'Pll buy one of your papers
But the newsie began to yell harder
than ever, and between his sobs he
managed to blubber out: %, you can't
fool me, even if you have put your
clothes onP"-Nebraska State Journal.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
ONE TIME ALL AROUND.

For That Purpose the World ShoulS lEo
Divided Into TWEEN ty-FOur Zones,
Travelling has been NJ ade so easy and
rapid of late that some systematic ar.
rangement of international time has
become almost necessity. 1t is well
nigh impossible to remember the exact
difference between the times of two
places, as there are usually lot of odd
minutes to take into consideration.
This is great nuisance for the trav.
eler, though it would hardly do to sug-
gest that the time should be reckoned
the same at the same moment all the
world over: we are so accustomed to
have the sun high up in the sky at
twelve o'cloak that such drastic
change would be too great shock to
our feelings. Bat proposal has been
made by which the time at one place
can be easily comparable with the time
anywhere else.
For this purpose the world would be
divided into twenty-four zones; each
zone would have its own time, which
would of course differ by one hour from
that in the next zone. This certainly
seems worth considering, and if it could
be satisfactorily arranged would be ex-
tremely convenient to travellers and for
telegraphic purposes.
Moreover, the time at any place
would never differ by more than half
an hour from the mean sun time, SO
that it would still be twelve o'clock
when the sun was at its highest point.
North America Is already divided on
this principle into five zones, the most
easterly of which is four hours after
Greenwich time, and the time is called
international" The others in order
are Eastern" Central" Mountain"
and Pacific" times, differing success
sively by one hour. Pc arson's Weekly.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
lNJuDlcIous PUNISHMENT.
A Grave Responsibility That Many Par
ent Has Unconsciously Abused.

ent Has Unconsciously Abused.
Broken one of your choicest vases,
has she? And what have you done2
Punished her severely? Why? Was
the accident caused by disobedience, or
Ill temper or carelessness? o, no; she
was about to put it in its place when
she slipped and fell Indeed! and you
were angry and punished her. Do you
suppose that punish ment did any good?
Not a particle. What do you suppose a
child is?-a creature without sense or
reason? Suppose you had fallen and
destroyed some valuable article. Would
you consider it right and just if some
one should scold at and abuse you and
beat you? 1t would be just as right in
the one case as the other. The child
was doing her little best to help you.
Small thanks to you if she ism spoiled.
assure you that w ere you in her place
you would not care rush if all Of the
vases in the house were broken. Your
temper would scarcely bear such treat
ment us your child has been subjected
to.
Suppose you stop moment and think
this over, and reflect that your children
are given you to train and care for, to
develop and bring up to a beautiful ma
turity. And this is scarcely the way to
do it.
Remember that some day you will
want that daughters confidence. Just
reflect what it will be to desire it and
to find her heart and thoughts closed to
you.
Perhaps in your selfshness and ego
tism you will blame her then as you do
now.
Heaven help you if, when too late,
you come to a sense of your mistake, and
Heaven help your child if, blaming her
then as now, she goes astray and you
close the doors of home against her.
Don't make mistakes in bringing up
your girls. 1t is a great responsibility,
/ will admit, but little study of indi-
vidual character and good deal of
solid common sense will do wonders in
disentangling the lSnotted and compli-
Gated threads of life.
First of all, do not take 1t absolutely
for granted that you must of necessity
understand girl because you are her
mother Many mothers make this fatal
late, others never find it out at all.
Inordinate vanity is the bane of
human existence. Women, and men,
too, for the matter of that, are rarely
willing to admit that they can be wrong
in the management of their children,
and they go on from bad to worse, max
ing mistakes because they are willfully
blind to their own shortcomings. IN. Y.
Ledger
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
THE STRAWBERRY.
Its Early History and the Wide Zone in
Which 1t Is Found.

IUB Early History ana the Wide Zone In
Which 1t Is Found.
The wild strawberry is very widely
diffused over the surface of the earth,
being found in the chill regions of the
north, as well as in the sunny climes of
the south. 1t is not tropical plant,
however, and, except on mountain
sides, is not found south of latitude
thirty-eight degrees north. On the Eu-
ropean continent it grows extensively
from the l4apland and the Shetland
isles to Italy and Greece. 1t is also
found throughout western Asia but is
unknown in China and Japan. 1t has
grown abundantly on the bleak hills of
Iceland for centuries. 1t is found in
America from Labrador and British Co.
lumbia to the pine woods of the south
ern states and on the high lands of
Mexico and the Andes. The hardy
plant, with its tiny scarlet berry, may
be said to girdle the earth on the line
of the Polar circle, and several hundred
miles southwark, except that it is not
found in the basin of the river Amoor, in
Siberia. Though history and story are
alike silent as to the cultivation of the
strawberry in early times, we know
that the fruit was well known in En-
gland in the fifteenth century Shakes
peare has three illusions to strawber-
ries. In "Henry "" the Bishop of Ely,
in illustration of the good qualities
which the young king possessed, in spite
of his wild habits and Objectionable
companions, says:
The strawberry grows underneath the nettle
And wholesome berries thrive and ripen best
Neighbored by fruit of baser quality.
The reference here is, obviously, to
the wild berry. But in the play of
"Richard Ill" Strawberries are spoken
of as growing in the Bishop of Ely's
garden at Holborn, and this seems to
show that the berry was cultivated
with considerable care as early as the
latter part of the fifteenth century;
though Haydn's dictionary of Dates as
serts that the common strawberry was
brought to England from Flanders in
1880. 1t is curious to note that one
hundred years after the crafty Richard
begged some of the bishops straw wber-
ries, we find description of garden
at Holborn, the property of the rich
Barber-surgeon Gerard, wherein four
kinds of strawberries-a great variety
for the time-were successfully culti-
waited The third Shakspearean allu-
sion to this fruit is in reference to the
Inflated handkerchief of Desdemona,
which was spotted with strawberries Z"
-Horticultural Times
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
HERE LIES OLE BANJO
The best stage boss That ever
Lodged thrue A
Murdered Jan, $ 1885 by Cheyann Bill
YhrOWin lNH silk into him.

THROWN the silk into him.
I hastened into the station, half ex
pectlng to see the dead body of Banio's
Bob swinging from u rafter. But he
was made of different stuff. He had
used the boards of his bunk for head
stone of Banjo's grave, and burned his
supply of fuel in thawing the clods
which he had blasted cut with dyna-
mite to make grave fop his namesake.
"Howdy, boss? I'm goia' to quit yuh.
like yuh all right, but I hain't got
nothin' tub live fer now hui tub make
medicine weth Cheyanne Bill. If yuhll
jest give me my time, I'll 90 up to
Medory an git my stuff an start after
him. Monday night week the swing
team come in lame, an had to send
out four team weth Cheyanne Bill
knowed he was too free weth the silk,
an tole him not to throw it inter Ole
Banjo, not on no account whatever.
Well, sir he drove inter Middle Grand
weth spike team. My poor Ole Banjo
was a-lyin' dead three mile back. They
was rattler in the road thet Ole Banjo
must "a saw, an he crowded over to
the off side. Cheyanne Bill didn't take
no notice 'ceptin' thet Banjo was out o.
line, an he raised his whip
an throwed the silk inter him.
1t amt much to most hoss-
es, an it amt nothin' to some, but it
was murder to my ole hoss. He hadn't
never felt the sting O. the silk, an he
knowed as well as human thet he
didn't ought to feel it. 1t broke his
heart right thar. He jest give spring
in the air an come down in heap He
didn't suffer none 'ceptin' fer the one
lick thet murdered him. Russ Wilson,
foreman of the E6 outfit come along
next moruin, an hired mule team
OF him fes eight dollars day to haul
my ole hoss beck to the station. Russ
was mighty uppitY about lettin' me hev
the team at any price. But when tole
him it was TO bury Ole Banjo he Jest let
me hev two teams fer nothin', an sent
me one of his scow-punchersto Deadwood
to buy dynamite fer blastin' out the
grave. More'n thet, he come all the
way from the E6 an brought every one
of his boys to give military funeral
TO my ole hoss. The obs'quies was ac-
,eordin' TO Hoyle, you bet, an the boys
all fired salute over the grave weth
all the cartridges in their six-shooters.
But | can't stay no longer in sight of
his grave weth Cheyanne Bill on topof
ground 1t nd drive me locoed in a
week I'VE got enough stuff comm To
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
THE LAST BUS.
A Fond Parting of Which Pa Was wit


ness.
1t was midnight.
Far away, over the housetops of the
sleeping city, the deep tones of bell
rose tremulous on the air.
One-two-three-an then others,
nearer and clearer, rang out in the full
diapason of the noon of night, but
sweeping through them all came the
deep bass of the distant bell, throbbing
out the measure of tine-four-five
until all was still again.
The young man stood in the open
door of great house, and close beside
him the fair girl who had promised to
be his.
They had been talking there for sew
eral minutes in tender undertones
On the floor above, the girls father
leaned listening over the stair rail.
AS the last tones of the bells died
away = ruinbling followed, as of wheels
over = stony street.
The young man bent forward to catch
the sound and the girl came closer to
him.
Good night, darling" he murmured,
slasping her in his arms, 81 must take
the last bus"
A moment-and the old man ierked
his head back out of sight
II guess he got it," he chuckled to
himself, as he ambled away to his room.
And the front door was shut softly,
and dainty footsteps tripped upward ON
the stairs. viii j. LamptoA, in Brook
lyn Life.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
When She Caryes.

1t is pleasant to see woman carve,
if she does 1t deftly; there seems to be
something appropriate and almost
Scriptural in woman dispe nsing food
to her household. English women
nearly always carve, but in this coun-
try the work is almost invariably rele-
gated to the men. To save strength,
time and patience ia carving 1t is abso-
lutely necessary TO have a sharp
knife. AS a general rule cut across
the grain. A turkey should be placed
with the head toward the right hand of
the carver. The breast is generally
cut in slices parallel to the breast bone;
but if the turkey is large, first cut the
wings off close to the body and then
cut across. A good way to keep a
knife perfectly sharp, and make your
husband think you give him the tender
est joints, is to use "rihe," such as
the farmers sharpen their scythes up
on, A few turns on this will give an
edge that will cut through anything
N. Y. Tribune.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
PuNcsnr PARAGRAPHS.

Papa Holdfast---'T am ruinod; sll n
Lost" Son-in-law-'Aheu,l Then
married for love, after all"--Once q
Week.
---'What did Miss Marvin do when
you kissed her9' "Rung 1t up ON
little bell punch which she carries. -
Chicago News.
--"Didn't you think Miss Figg favors
her brother to a wonderful degree9''
"Not SO much as she favors some other
girls brother"
He Bought Some to Show His Wife.
Small Boy-"Been fishin', mister2"
Man-"Yes" Small Boy-"Can't seH
you some fishp' Yankee Blade.
MY wife gave me blowing upbe-
cause l didn't get her an oil stove
Eyes" "Well, got her one and then
she blew herself up."-N Y. Press,
-Jones-"Smith is about your closest
friend, isn't hep" Borrowitt-"Yes, con-
found himl It's almost impossible to
borrow cent from him. Kate Fields
Washington.
--"Do you see doubleP" asked the ocu-
list who was exa mining Farmer Fod-
der's eyes. "Of course do" replied
VnG L nave TWO eyes, ndVOuL
Ip"-Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
MOT Enthusiastic. -Charlie-"May I
announce our engagement at once?"
Clera-''Not yet Perhaps both of us
may be able to do better. IN. Y.
| Herald.
-"No flies on mel" exclaimed the
self-satisfied young man. eyes, there
is," replied little Johnny. you're set
tin on the fly pa per. "-Washington
| Star
-Spangler- "How do you think this
full length photo of me looks? 1 don't
! like it as we'll as Wig netted face my
self" Tangler-"W hy, think it tlooks
immense, especially the hands and feet
IN. Y. Herald.
Brown (who is very proud OF his
srgumentive powers)-"I always carry
my pint" Gray-"I think 1 have seen
you when you were carrying a great
deal more than that "-Boston Tran
script
Liked the Old Way Best-"Brid.
get" asked Mrs. DeLeon, "cau you cook
on scientific principles?" "Sure ma'am,
what's the matter wild coolin' on a
rangeq" asked the sensible Bridg ct. -
Detroit Free Press
They had been discussing the pro-
nunciation of "oleomargarine," and
finally agreed to leave it to the waiter,
but he hedged. "Sure," said he, 81
have to pronounce it butter or lose my
! job ob"-Indianapolis Journal
| Medical science has made such
progress" said the doctor, when speak
ing of his profession, "that it is almost
impossible for anybody to be buried
alive now" Then he wondered why
everybody laughed. Boston Courier.
Another Engagement OFF. His
fiancee-"Where is the Folly theater.
where the burlesques are all pro-
duced?" He-"On Rearback street"
His fancee (bitterly)-'T beg your par
donl didn t ask where the stage door
was!"-N. Y. Sun.
Hoped They'd Begin at Once.-In-
surance agent-''You ought to join our
society. We do for you what few other
companies do" Hennpecl-"W hat is
it?' Agent-We bury your wife"
HennpeclS-"Well, that is an induce
mont. You may put my name down"
Yankee Blade.
Mrs. Howson-"Dearie, when that
new telephone is completed to New
York, want to talk through it just for
fun; mayn't I?' Mr.. Howson-"He
ems, no, Martha! 1 hear they may
charge by the word. Do you want to
bankrupt me?"-Chicago News
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
MoNAsrlo RULES.
Rigid Regulations of tho Monks OF th
Thirteenth Century.

Rigid Regulations of tho Monks OF the
Thirteenth Century.
IL is the duty Of the hall butler to set
in order everything pertaining to the
table; to fill the salt cellars with clean
salt; to provide water for washing the
hands of the brethren; to wash the
spoons and cups every day; TO hang up
a towel at the lavatory; to send the
dirty tablecloths and napkins to be
washed. He ought also TO fetch bread
for the use of the brethren from the
cellar, and 10 be careful that It is
neither burned nor gnawed by mice.
nor dirty.
The jugs ought to be washed inside
and out once n week, and the frater
ought to be cleaned thoroughly with
besoms as often as it requires 1t. He
ought also to provide oandlesticlSs for
the wax candles that are to be lighted
in the frater from the feast of all saints
to the publication.
He ought also to provide mats and
rushes to strew the f1~aer, and tho di-
visions of the cloister up to the frater
door, frequently to renew the flowers,
in summer to throw mint and fennell
into the air to make sweet odor, and
to provide hy-catchers.
The conduct of the brethren is de-
scribed with equal minuteness-froma a
rcverent attention to grace and the
utternnces of the table readers to their
personal manners We are told, for ex-
ample, that the brethren ought all to
be careful not to wipe their noses, or
rub their teeth, on the napkins or table
cloths, nor to staunch blood with them,
nor to cut them with their knives. They
are to eat what is set before them tenn
perately, cleanly and cheerfully, and
not to exceed moderation. No one Ia
allowed to exchange fish for meat; no
one may whittle, or write, or look into
q book, while the meal is proceeding.
After the dinner in summer the breth-
rem retire to the doter to take siesta.
''They have full leave" we read, Ito
| take off their copes and their shoes, but
are not allowed to stretch out their
naked feet or to sleep with head and
| body uncovered"
| At D. M the bell awakened them
for nones; after nones came collation.;
then vespers, succeeded by supper and
compline. After compline they went to
| bed.
The doter ought to be the abode OF
quiet and secrecy. The prelatn and all
the brethren ought to sleep there, ex
cept those whom infrmity compels to
be absent, and the guardians of the
church. There the brethren ought to
behave with more quiet, self-restraint
and devotion than elsewhere
No one ought to appear there with
his head uncovered. From after com,
pline until morning after sound of bell
no one ought to shake his clothes, or
open his Golfer, or fix his eyes upon an.
other. No one ought to linger near a
window with the object of looking out.
Any one who takes off his shoes, OF
puts them on, is to do it under his
clothes.
Those who enter or leave the doter
while the brethren are there are to walk
gently. No one is to sit near the lamp,
or sing, or read there. No one ought to
read in bed with candle When a
brother gets out of bed he is not to leave
it carelessly uncovered. Saturday Re-
view
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
THE OLD APPLE TREE.


There's memory keeps a-runnin'
Thro' my weary head tonight,
An see picture dancin'
In the flre-flames' ruddy light
~Tis the picture OF an orchard,
Wrapped In autumn's purple haze
With the tender light about II
That loved in other days.
AM a-standin' in corner
Once again seem to see
The verdant leaves an branches
OF an old apple tree.
You perhaps would call IL ugly.
An don't know but it's so
When you see the tree oil over,
Unadorned by memory's glow;
FOR its boughs are gnarled and CROOKED
An its leaves are gettin' thin,
And the apples of its bearin'
Wouldn't fill so large bin
As they us't to, but tell you,
when it comes to pleasin' me,
Its the dearest In the orchard
Is that old apple tree.
4 would hide within its shelter,
Settlin' in some cozy nook,
Where no calls or threats could stir me
From the pages Of my book.
Oh that quiet, sweet seclusion,
In it's fullness passeth Words
1t was deeper than the deepest
That my sanctum now affords.
Why, the Jay birds an the robins
That was hand in glove with me
As they winked at me and warbled
In that old apple tree.
It was on its sturdy branches
That in summers, long ago,
Iwould tie my swing, and dangle,
In contentment to and fro.
Idly dreamin' childish fancies,
Buildin' castles in the air,
Maxim of myself hero
OF romances, rich an rare,
i kin shet my eyes an see it
Jest as plain as it can be,
That same old swing, danglin'
10 the old apple tree.
There's o rustic seat beneath IL,
That l never kin forget.
Its the place where me an Hallie-
Little sweetheart-us't to set,
When we'd wander to the orchard,
Sos no listenin' ones could hear
As whispered sugared nonsense
In her little willin' ear.
Now my gray old wife is Halle.
An IN grayer still than she,
But III not forget our courtin'
Meath the old apple tree.
E.ife for us hain't all been summer.
But guess we've had our share
fOf its dittin joys and pleasures,
An sprinklin' Of its care.
OFT the skies have smiled upon US,
Then again we've seen 'em frown.
Tho our load was ue'er so heavy
That we longed TO lay it down.
But when Death does come a.callin,
This my last request shall be
That they'll bury me and Halle
Meath the old apple tree.
Paul Lawrence Dunbar in Chicago News
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
OF Another KIND,

''See that man on the corner? He's a
philanthropist He bought COW and
gives the milk to the babies.
'i@r.i! See that man on the oppo-
sits corner? He's another philanthro-
pist He bought railroad and gives
the stockholders water" - Chicago
Tribune.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05

old wrecks met each other.

Two old wrecks met each other.
81 was happy and tried to be rich,"
said one; "now look at me-"
sand l." said the other, twas rich
and tried to be happy; 'now look at
me-"
Neither had succeeded. Detroit Free
Dpacc
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
Tho OId hummer TrIoIt.

"Why, you poor man! how did you
come to lose your foot--in the ware"
mo. ma'am. used to live in the
suburbs, and in running for train on
an early spring morning l caught my
foot in the mud and lett it there."--
Judge
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05

"see all that good rope wasted" said
Jack, sadly, as his eyes fell upon the
hotel clothes-yard.
"How wasted, JackP" asked his uncle.
st would make such lovely swing"
explained the oy.-Harper's Young
People.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
Getting Even.
Getting Even.
Westfield-I got even with that mean

Westheld-I got even with that mean
cad, Lawnmo, to-day.
Plainfeld-That so? How?
Westfield-I pretended to make up
with him, and told him to save seat
alongside of him in the train for me-
Then missed the train. AS lon,y as
he lives everybody in that car will con-
slider him a liar and hog. IN. Y
Wee, Ily.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05

Clusieigh--I hear that Dudley is over
his head in debt.
Parkleigh-Is that so?
Clubleigh-Yes, he got that new silk
tile of his on credit.-Truth.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-11-05
NIaster OF the sItuatlon.

First Boy lat summer resort)-How
long are you going to stay here?
Second Boy--Till get tired.
First Boy-Whats you going to do
with it?
Second Boy-I heard papa say he
didn't care how long mama stayed here.
When get tired, I'll tell mamma wot
papa said, an then she'll go right back.
--Cood News.
The Portland daily press., 1892-01-15
An Attratiye window.

Allen & Co., the Middle street tailors,
draw crowds of people to their large
show window-corner of Plum and Mid
die streets-by the ATTRACTIVE manner in
which it is dressed. The Treasury De-
partment has lately ordered the officers
of the revenue service to procure uni
forms Of new pattern, and Allen & Co.,
were so fortunate as to secure the con-
tract for the uniforms of the officers of
Dallas as against the great New York
firm that generally does the army and
navy work. The window is prettily
draped with the flags of the United
States naval and revenue service. The
full dress uniforms are mounted on dunn
mics, OF carelessly, yet artistically
grouped about the window, while the
chapeaux and swords with coils of rope
and other naval emblems give a very re-
alistic appearance to the window.