The Bossier banner., 1892-01-28
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
We Worthy Scribe Engages In Some War
like Demonstrations.

We Worthy Scribe Engages In Some War.
like Demonstrations.
Cor THROUGH. Friday we re-
ceived word that man had appeared
in gulchtown soliciting subscriptions to
the Kicker and claiming to be our agri-
cultural editor. This trick has been
played on us half dozen times within
year. And when we heard of this
chap we mounted our mule and can
tered over to interview him. We found
him just as he had bagged his eleventh
| subscriber and was ready to get out.
What followed may not be recorded
In future history, but it was lively while
| 1t lasted.
The bold faced imposter was of
| squatty build, weighed two hundred
| pounds, and had been eating linn mburger
| cheese. He, therefore, had shade the
best of it on the go-off, but we rounded
him up after getting our second wind,
and he won't travel on our shape here
after. He's got through taking sub
scriptions for US, and six months hence,
when able to crawl out again, he'll
probably look for honest work. We
employ no travelling agents, give away
no chromos, and we don't take stomach
bitters in payment for advertising.
COLD FAcrs-We notice that our es-
teemed contemporary is advertising for
a political editor, ''one thoroughly
posted on the politics of the day" To
such one he promises steady situa-
tion at good pay. We dearly love the
old mossback who claims to own and
publish the alleged weekly down the
street, but when he attempts to deceive
the public we feel it our duty to state
few cold facts.
In the first place he has only three
hundred and thirty-one subscribers.
Secondly, our people don't care cop
per for politics. Thirdly, he has to pay
his hands in store orders, and his politi-
cal editor would starve to death in two
weeks. He got a young man from Bos
ton out there one summer, borrowed
the three dollars he had left, stole his
suspenders. embezzled his white shirt,
and then discharged him. The lone
some appearance of that young and con-
fding man as he started on his two
thousand mile walk will never be eff
| faced from our memory.
Told HIM So.-Nearly three months
ago we told Judge Wakefield, who
dropped in here from Missouri that he
hadn't struck the right town and ought
to keep walking. We didn't feel hard
because he didn't subscribe for the
Kicker, but the way he wore his elbows
out on the various bars and his firm at
titude before free-lunch counters was
"agin him" He also made himself
very disagreeable in other ways, and
our advice was given in brotherly
way. He refused to heed it, however,
and the other night the boys put rope
necktie on him and pulled him up and
let him down until he expressed the
greatest willingness to move on. He
will probably have a sore throat al
winter, but he can console himself thai
it is no worse.
We watch things pretty closely in
this town, and we never fail to catcl
the drift of public opinion. When we
come out in loaded BREWER and advise {
man to look for another pasture there.
nothing funny about it. It's very
serious business, and the rope is hang
Ing on peg Oenlnd u.s.
All! THERE. COLoNELl-Last week we
had something to say about Col. jim
Crocker, who is furnishing big stocl
of poor whisky while waiting to bt
nominated for some political office
The colonel believes in pap" He's
J always lived on it, and he'd starvt
without it. We simply asked our read
hn 9
, on, and the colonel got riled over it
r There's no doubt in our mind that ht
got Hank Scott, the halfbreed, tight
and then gave him keg of powder t.
5 blow up the Kicker Office. We have i
from a man who overheard part o
3 the conversation. Hank was willin,
l enough to blow us sky high, for we'v
e had his left ear among our office relic
q for the last year. The trouble, how
e ever was that he was too drunk to cal
S ry out the programme, and in foolin
around with the powder he brougt
e about an explosion on the vacant lc
a next west of our office, and sailed wa
d to the unknown land in sections an
e fragments.
Il What we could find of Hank we burie
next day at our own expense, and "
y don't feel particularly hard against tt
h colonel We shan't go looking for hi
y especially, but if we should happen
d run across him some day while we fe
Il absent-minded we shall very likel
- gather him in and mark his tombston
No. II in our private graveyard. -
Quad, in N. Y. World
= Our Legitimate Tasks.
Some duties we have no right to ne
n lect. We are put into the world to f
e, our several places to the best of o.