Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-08-01
JUST FOR FUN.

IOW .SCU dOOdI0
Lady (frantically) How can I? The
car behind is on my trail.
Laura wonder if theft Satan
ever swears? Flora = suppose not.
Perhaps he may say, ''This beats me-
Teacher-Name some Of the most
important things existing to-day that
were unknown a hundred years ago.
Tommy-You and me.
Randolph My papa took dinner
with the president once. Archie =
Pooh! what's that? My papa used to
to know Mr.. Barnum.
'tMy, how that breaker roared!'
said Jennie, on the seashore. eyes,
that fat man in bathing stepped on it's
undertoW," answered Harry.
Young Authoress (reading manu-
script aloud) = But perhaps I weary
you? Enthusiastic Friend-Oh, no; [
long to hear the end of your story.
An Irishman, seeing a Chinaman
reading a Chinese book backward, as
is their custom, exclaimed, Johnny,
are you left-handed or only cross
eyed?''
That stylish-looking gentleman was
under police supervision in his young
er days. Nonsense! You must be jok-
ing! Not a bit Of it; his father was
constable.
Among the rchitects.-"Poor Jan
ders! he looked quite colonial this
morning." "Colonial?'' eyes. That
bilious attack makes him very hite
and yellow"
In Paris. - Office-boy : That mad
member of the Chamber of Deputies
is coming up the stairs armed with a
sword. Editor - Let him come. I
have my pen handy.
Is Bronson as forgetful as ever?
More SO. Why, that fellow has to
look himself up in the directory ev-
cry night before he goes home from
business. Forgets his address.
Copy of bill posted in country
village: GA lecture on total absti
hence will be delivered in the open
duu d COI0CUlOu Will DC LIldlLS dU
the door to defray expenses
Smythe - I dropped a penny in
front of blind heggar to-day to see
if he'd pick it up. Tompkins- Well,
did he? Smythe-No; he said, 'aMake
it sixpence, mister, and I'll forget 7
MYSELF
Toto has been seriously i'll and is
still confined to his bed. His uncle
goes up to see the little fellow. elbow
are you this morniug?'' ssDon't know,
uncle. The doctor hasn't been here
yet"
Hicks-I think I shall bring up my
boy to follow the sea for livelihood.
Dix-Why have you settled on that?
Hicks-It seems to be the only indus
try in which one is not expected to
begin at the bottom.
Office Boy-I should like to be ex-
cused this afternoon. Pm suffering
terribly with the rheumatism En-
ployer = All right. Wait a few min
utes, and I'll go with you. I haven't
seen a game of ball this year.
Maud-What beautiful new gown
Jane is wearing! Did she bring it
from abroad? Clara - No; it's her
last season dress. The dressmaker
turned it inside out, and now she says
it's from the other side.
A customer called at pharmacy in
the Rue Grenelle, says a French pa
per. "Give me something to get rid
of worms?" eyes; what kind of
worms?" ''They are in my wooden
leg, and are eating it away"
''This bell,' said well meaning
sexton, when showing the belfry of an
interesting village church to party
of visitors, els only rung in case of a
visit from the Lord Bishop of the do
cese, a fire, flood, or any other such
"Of course it hurts, JOSIAH" said
Mrs. Chugwater, as she applied the
liniment and rubbed it in vigorously.
rheumatism always hurts. You
must grin and bear it.'' 'I'm willing
to bear it, Samantha,o groaned Mr..
"but I'm not going to
grim