Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1892-02-11
RAISING A BEARD.

acquaintance among men was extern
size. and as he thought them over he
was surprised to remember how many
OF them wore full beardS II there
was any reason why he should
not indulge his whiskers and wear
full beard. he was not
aware of it. To be sure he never be-
fore attempted a full beard. and SO
much greater the reason why he
should try it. s
Fully set in his purpose. he with
held his hand and let the stubble revel
on his chin. For few days no one
took any notice of his face; then q
friend handed him ten cents one morn
ing.
What's this forP' asked Austin.
TO get shave with; you need it, I"
was the reply. .... ID
Thanks" he replied. handing 1t
back, I'm letting them grow. 4"
oh, excuse me. old man."
Austin vas compelled to refuse sew.
eral dimes from facetious friends dur
ing the next few days until it was be-
coming rather tiresome, and he de-
termined to shut Off the fun in some
way. To the next friend who offered
him dime to get Il shave with he re-
piled:
Thank you. l don't want a shave;
I'm letting them grow; but this will
do for cigar"
The Joker laughed. but it was
short staccato laugh, devoid of genu-
inc mirth. and Austin pocketed the
silver
After he had pocketed several dimes
offered by humorists they became
| somewhat discouraged and ceased
joking in that line. All the time,
however the beard was growing and
another crop of whiskers coming on.
As soon as it was plainly apparent
that it was a grow as you please on
! Austiu's face the friend who had been
there himself came with ad vice: Bet
they prick your chin and are itchy
| I'll tell you what to do; wash them
every night and morning in tepid
water with old CASTLE soap and dry
them thoroughly that will stop the
itching"
Then another friend came aloag
Letting your whiskers grow, hey?
| It's mighty uncomfortable at first; but
I'll tell you what to do Brush them
thoroughly every night and rub some
vaseline on them before you retire.
Don't wet them; it makes them stiff
and harsh"
The next friend suggested that he
! h -,
! them with bay rum, but in no case use
| soap.
Another suggested the use OF fresh
cream twice a day to soften 'om up
Many Sere the suggestions for they
all knew that he would be uncomfort-
able until they grew out little way.
The baby beard did make Mr.
prickly, and his friends kept remind
ing him OF it. The suggestions of his
friends were given in all sincerity
and as be thought he actually needed
something to allay the uncomfortable
feeling, he began to apply the sugges-
| tiOus One day he washed his face
with soap and water The next he
would brush it and apply vaseliae, and
another he would lave with bay rum
and anoint with cream. He paid so
much attention to his face that his
wife asked il he was preparing for
! beauty competition
Meanwhile the beard struggled
along and gained somewhat in length.
but it looked rather moth-eaten, and
as soon as this became apparent to the
naked eye, the friends with favorite
hair-grower attacked him.
just rub the bare spots with a
piece of strong onion. suggested one
Battle the unoccupied parts OF
your face with salt and water offered
another.
Rub the places where the hair
won't grow with olive oil said some
body else
Others suggested hair vigors and
hair producers generally advertised.
Poor Austin was not allowed to for
get his beard. Almost every hour in
the day some one referred to it in one
way or another. He stopped the
softenIng process and started In to re-
inforce the weak spots. The matter
was getting serious. He rubbed the
ba;e spots until his face looked as
though it hal been scalded in sections
and friends who had not been with
him from the start asked how he got
burned.
Mature though somewhat dilatory,
kept working. and in spite of his rem
edies and assistants his beard assumed
respectable proportions. and then an.
other phase OF beard raising became
apparent to him. Friends with whom
he was intimately acquainted, but had
not seen for some time failed TO recog-
nize him. He nodded Familiarity to
men and they stared coldly at him and
passed by on the other side. He
grasped men heartily by the hand and
they were surprised until he told them
who he was. After he had introduced
himself it was generally:
We'll well. been letting your
beard grow. Why, it makes you look
ten years older;" or
Those whiskers make you look fa'
in the face. They're not becoming.
Shave 'em off old boy; or
Hair on your face makes you look
like a guy old man; cut en-" At the
: same time side remarks were INDUCED
in about the wind toying with them,
and Eolian harps at which he was
compelled to smile.
Austin finally wished that the day
on which he decided TO let his beart
grow had been blank to him Final.
ly, ono day he had an appointment
10 meet at the depot an uncle whom
he had not seen for long time He
met the uncle as he stepped from the
train and grasped him warmly by the
hand.
Scat!' shouted the uncle; git
you blankety blank bunco man"
but I'm not a bunco man. I'm
your nephew. John AUSTIN
Keep of y shouted the uncle,
you're no more John Austin than
| ba Won can't fool mo. Inhn halt,