davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
JOHNNY's REFORMATION.

Mother-I am glad little Johnny is
at last beginning TO realize the necessi-
tv of cleanliness He has becn upstairs
washing h lnself for nearly an hour.
Little Dick Observation-Disclosures
Johnny wants you to give me penny
to buy q pipe.
"A pipe::'
Yes m. We JUS broke til other
one, an cant blow any more bubbles.
flood News.
AND HE KEPT on WALKING TIE FLOOR.
wv hat did YOU name your baby"
"Wcll at first she was as good as gold
never whimpered-hair oil worn OFT the
back of her head with lying on it-and
we called her Serena.
"Well:"
"Well. since she began crying all
night with tecthing we have changed
her name to Tuscarora. j Chicago
Tribune.
A SIMILAR PROrEEDISG.
"This business of tracing ono of my
lost manuscripts makes me think OF u
dog | once owned said Scribbler.
I'm what respect" queried Mawson
ale had habit of chasing his own
tail" replied Scrbbler.-[New York
Herald.
SPECIAL OCCASION.
Johnny-Do YOU say your prayers
every night:
JIMMY do whenever I've gottel
sleep in the folding bed indianapolis
Journal.
HOW TO EAT ASPARAGUS.
al wish | knew said the boarder
looking at the bunch ofasparagls on hi
plate and handling his knife and forl
with some degree of hesitation and un
certainty, Just how asparagus ought tt
be eaten
at ought to be eaten sparlngly,
grumbled the andlady, under bel
breath ut cost me fifteen cents 6
bunch
WISE WOMAN.
Husband-W Where is the Ratchet!
Wife-In the attic.
"If YOU saw it in the attic, why didn''
you bring it down"
II didn't see it.
"Then who did,
"No one that know Of.
"Then how in creation do you kno"
Tho ,tf;ar'
II heard YOU up there Yesterday
driving IL nail. - New York Weekly
Nuscum Visitor TO almless man)-SC
YOU can knit with your toes, eh: bn'
supposo you broke leg?
Armless MAXWELL, 1reckon it would
begin to knit right away.
THE ONLY WAY OUT.
Mr. Newsomc showing visitor through
his rcputed ancestral hallsl.An this is
the suit my great-grandtather wore
when he gave up his hearts blood during
the Revolution.
Miss Gotham looking in vain tor bull
,at holes or sabre rentsl-Ah. was your
preat-grandfather killed while in bathing,
Mr. Newsome: = Puck.
We wEATHERED THE STORM.
Chanpie -Once | was in terrible
storm at sea. The waves wolIed NOUN
tain high. -, E.
Miss Pinkerly-Dear me. "eren
you afraid:
Chanpie-No, indeed, was veal
bwave. My sister was with me'-I>e"
York Herald.
At THE BASEBALL CANE.
Now doth the downtown merchant gay
OFF from his office sneak,
On plea of illness dire at home,
One afternoon each week;
Ard as he cheers the baseball game
With loud ecstatic joy,
He sees upon the bleaching boards
His clerks and Office boy
= New York Herald.
FIREPRooF.
Ni,herby- hear that your house
burned down last uight Was anything
savedl H
WHISTLES. The mortgage.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
GAVE HERSELF AWAY.

Bloobumper i read TO- day an account
of how q female forger donned mans at
tire, and for long time eluded arrest,
but at last she gave herself away.
Spatts-She stopped to look into q
miliner's window, [ suppose?
Bloobumper No, in a moment of alb
her hat was on straight. - Harpers
Bazar.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
Az LNhNNMN PERSON.

There was a gentleman i'll here to see
you, Mr.. We asked n for his name,
said the boy, and he said never mind y
'Nell, when he returns said the
editor get rid of him. | know no one
of that name
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
COMING TO A BUSINESS BASIS.

Banker Scadds No, sir. Emphatically
no. | consider yonr request for permits
sion to pay your addresses to my
daughter an act of objectionable pre-
sumption, sir. For a Young physician on
a starvation practice t" aspire 10 the
hand Of an hercss of millions is, repeat,
prosumptuous.
Young Physician sir. Any of
the family want yuccinating: No: hen
god morning Chicago Tribune.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

Tur attentions of electricians is drawn
to a singular incident which occurred .1 in
per1;n An electrical workman in test
-. b;s cells TO see if the current was
aoying was in the habit of putting the
w.. ,,o ends Of the wires in his mouth. He
a a absorbed so much of the solu-
f Iaa salts of copper from the wires as to
cause his death. The gaIyanometeI IS
now substituted in the Berlin workshop
f for the rough and ready test formerly
amoloved, the danger of which was not
before realized.
small tuft Of white roses a;e re-
ouently used il place Of the segu1assoa
orange blossomyf
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
HFLOST HER INTEREST.

der what that boy Will De up 10 h'A''-
Good News.
HFI0ST HER INTEREST.
II have been in nineteen engage
ments," boosted Colonel Battle, the old
war horse.
And how many times have you been
asked Miss Elder, with deep
interest -[ Detroit Free Press.
TIE REST FOOL KILLER.
Chollv-Do YOU object TO cigawettess,
Miss Budd?'
Miss Budd-ph, not i'll the least. They
ore doing a wonderful service tor man.
kind. - Judge.
CAREFULLY INSTRUCTED
Little Bov-P.ease gimme some
smashed potatoes.
Mother You should not say smashed,
say mashed What made you so lat" TO
dinner:
Little Boy-Ihcre was IA mash-rP
on tn railroad II Good News,
HAMMERED BY FASHION.
Conductor-Come. now get aboard.
Lady franticallvl-IIowc can T. The
car behind is on my trail Cloak ke-
view.
SENSIBLE GIRL.
He timidly l~-Now that we are en-
gagged | presume may-may-klss you
as much as plense, maynt |:
She tencouraginglyl- Yes, indeed.
Make the most Of your time, dear
There 5 no telling how long I'm engage
ment will last nowadays, YOU know
New York W eekly.
MARRIED LIFE WAS NOT HAPPY.
"Why do you always employ women
Us tvpe-wrlters?' asked Mrs. curtain
Lecture.
SO that can have some one to die
tate to" replied the unhappy man.-
New York Press
SCALING DOWN.
Little Boy-~Mamma, may 60 hsh-
ing: -, ~
| Mamma No, my son, I'm afraid you IL
get drowned; but you may 90 around 10
| the grocery anu p"J M "
Il Good News.
An IMPROVEMENT.
Husband How do you like your new
girl: ,..,.
Wife-WelI, she works me llttso
barder than the last one, but she IS more
respectful II New York Weekly
TINES CHANGES.
Naddox-Jay Gould was once
me- senger boy
GazzeIn--Is that so: We'll, there's
nothing slow about him now Detroit
Free Press.
yE MODERN POET.
Winks-I can tell poet the moment
see him
Ninks How?
Winks-FIe never looks like one.
ONE TOO MANY.
First Boy-Which does tn WhlPpIn III
vour family, y'r father rr y'r mother:
Second Boy-Both. ,,.
First 1oy-Huh! don't think that
fair.
II know belle who is regular
circus.
because she has three rings, sup
pose-all engagements rlng<
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
Az UNAPPRECIATED SINGER.

rs" you went to sing in the choir:'
"Yes''
"What part::'
"W ell, went IN us first bass. but they
changed it to short stop when they heard
my voice. - Washington Star.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
HAMMERED BY FASHION.

Conductor Come, now. get aboard.
Lady frantically)-How can Il Inc
car behind is on my traiI.--lCloak Re
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
A SENSIBLE GIRL.

He timidly>--Now that we are en-
gagged, presume | may-may-k you
as much as plense, maynt |:
She tencouraginglyl-les. indeed.
Make the most of your time, dear
There no telling how long an engage
ment will last nowadays, YOU know -
New York Weekly.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

Little P.easo gimme some
smashed potatoes.
Mother You should not say smashed
say mashed What made you so lat" TO
dinner:
Little Boy-1hrre was IA mash-rP
on tn railroad - Good News.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

al wish | knew said the boarder,
looking at the bunch ofasparugus on hi
plate and handling his knife and fork
with some degree of hesitation and un-
certainty just how asparagus ought to
be eaten"
at ought to be eaten sparingly,
grumbled the IandIady, under her
breath. ut cost me fifteen cents
bunch
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

II have been in nineteen engage
ments," boosted Colonel Battle, the old
war horse,
And how many times have you been
married." asked Miss Elder, with deep
interest. = Detroit Free Press.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

"Why do you always employ women
US type-writers?' asked Mrs. Curtain
Lecture.
SO that can have some one to die
tate to, replied the unhappy mali
New York Press.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

Little Boy-~Mamma may | G" fish
ing: -, g,
Mamma No, my son I'm afraid you IL
get drowned; but you may 90 around 10
the grocery and buy me mackerel.
Good News.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23
A SIMILAR PROrEEDISG.

"This business of tracing ono of my
lost manuscripts makes me think OF
dog | once owned said Scribbler.
In what respect?' queried Mawson.
ale had habit of chasing his own
tail" replied Scribber.-lNew York
Herald
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

Now doth the downtown merchant gay
Off from his office sneak,
On plea of illness dire at home
One afternoon each week;
Ard as he cheers the baseball game
With loud ecstatio joy,
He sees upon the bleaching boards
His clerks and Office boy,
New York Herald.
St. Landry democrat., 1892-07-23

Johnny-Do YOU say your prayers
every night:
JIMMY do whenever I've gotter
sleep in the folding bed indianapolis
Journal.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08
Instructions That Bore Fruit.

President Roberts OF the Pennsyl-
vania Railroad is, as everybody knows,
a great stickler for discipline, and a
story is told OF him which is too good
to keep. Some time ago, while on his
way to Harrisburg, the conductor OF
the train bowed as he passed without
asking to see his ticket. On coming
through the train again, Mr.. Roberts
touched his arm and said:
why did you not ask for my tick
et?n
Rather abashed, the conductor re-
piled that he presumed he bad his
pass.
DO you know who | amY' next
asked Mr. Roberts.
"Yes, SIR" replied the conductor,
"you are the President OF the road
Granted that | AIN. 1t is your du-
ty TO allow nobody TO ride over this
road without showing a ticket. Al
ways bear that in mind"
The conductor promised 10 do so Ia
the future, and passed on. After the
next station had been passed he again
came through the train for tickets,
and, coming TO Mr.. Roberts, stopped
and demanded TO see his ticket.
That's right, my man" said the
President, putting his hand in his
breast pocket. Then he grew red In
the face, and as he felt in pocket after
pocket his face became rcdder. He
had left his pass at home. The con-
ductor never moved a muscle OF his
face, but stood with outstretched hand
waiting for the ticket. Mr.. Roberts
was too proud to back out, and final
" asked in meek voice. How much
Is the fare TO Harrisburg" On being
informed he paid over the money,
which the conductor took without a
smile, giving him a rebate check good
for 10 cents. President Roberts con-
tInued his ride in silence.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08

What is love, Two heads with but
a single thought, two fools that act
like one.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08
Ida Lewis.

Many are hardly aware that Ida
Lewis, the most celebrated OF light
house keepers, whose deeds OF hero
ism have surpassed even Grace Oar
ling's, is still alive. She Is now fifty
years old and has charge OF the Lime
Rock Lighthouse at Newport, where
she Is better known than the wealth
lest or most fashionable summer yisi-
tor. When she was twelve years OF
age her mother kept the light, her
father being helpless cripple. That
was In 1854, and In September OF that
wear she rescued four young men from
a capsized sailboat In midwiDter OF
1866 ca she saved soldier OF the Fort
Adams garrison who had been simi-
larly upset, and he was restored 70
life at the lighthouse. In the fall OF
1867 three men were swamped ia their
boat near Lime Rock while trying TO
pick up valuable sheep that had fall
en- from wharf. She saved them and
the sheep also. Not long afterwards
she saw a man clinging to q spindle
that marked a reef near the light
house; rowed out TO him and got him
safely. In q gale In March, 1859, she
rescued two more soldiers from a
swamped boat. On February 4, 1880,
two members OF the Fort Adams gar
rison band broke through the Ice be-
tween the lighthouse and the fort and
she pulled them out Thus far She
has saved thirteen persons from drown
ing
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08

Woman is a conundrum that man
cannot guess, but will never give up.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08
Where Lightning Strikes oftenest.

From records in the statistical office
at Berlin, Germany, it appears that
houses with thatched roofs are struck
by lightning about seven or eight
times more frequently than ordinary
slated dwellings. Country houses
are also more frequently affected than
those in towns. This is due TO the
greater amount of vegetation in the
country, plants having more power to
induce destructive discharges than
other substances.
Though this is the case, there are,
OF course, great differences in electri-
cal characteristics of plants, which in
crease in some and decrease in Others
liability to destruction by lightning.
For instance. ifthe risk to the beech
be taken as one, that TO a pine (hr or
spruce) is fifteen, to an oak forty-hve,
and TO most other deciduous trees like
the ash, sycamore. etc, forty. The
comparative immunity OF the beech is
said to be due to the fact that its leaves
are fringed with numerous short hairs
which allow the electricity collected
in the substance OF those organs 10
escape quietly into the air.
Rocks and soils also have great in
fiuence on the risk run by localities
from destruction by thunderstorms.
Thus. il limestone rock or limy soil
be taken as one, that for sandy soil
is nine, and ndfornaturalmoss or swampy
land, eightesoto twenty-five.
During thunderstorm in Scotland
heavy rains most frequently, and gen
orally only, occur; but in some parts
OF England, and in many places
abroad, hail is Of quite rs common oc-
currence as rain, and far more de-
struction TO property is wrought by
these little pellets OF ice than by light
ming; so much SO, that crops, etc, in
those parts, are regularly insured
against its power of devastation.
With regard TO hailstorms in Eng
land IA curious fact is known, b ut can
not be satisfactorily eXplained-viz,
that in Huntingdonshire and in the
bordering portions OF surrounding
counties the damage done by hail is
very considerably greater than that
wrought in any other part OF England
over n similar area.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08
Wise and Otherwise.

The man who doesn't believe in God
lives that way.
The religion cannot be right where
the words are wrong.
A man with the big head is always
a stranger to himself.
There is often more religion in
smile than there is in tear.
Egotism is q man without a dollar,
carrying a gold-headed cane.
1t only takes one step toward God
to put the devil behind you.
There would be more good boys II
there were more good fathers.
Most girls like to regard themselves
as cold and unapproachable.
A man will defend a woman against
everybody except himself.
There are so many folks who never
have religion below the ears.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08
Home.

Cherish the home with infinite ten
derness. You cannot love IL too much.
nor give it too much time or thought
Remember, life has nothing better to
offer You IL is the climax and crown
Of Gods gifts. Make every day OF
life in it rich and sweet II viii not
last long. See to it that you plant no
seeds Of bitter memory; that there be
no neglect and no harshness to haunt
you ia after years.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08
SNYIER
PHILOSOPHY.

The sign is bad when folks commence
A-finding fault with Providence,
And balkin' cause the earth don't shake
AT ev'ry prancin' step they take;
No man is great till he can see
How less than little he would be
Ef stripped to self, and stark and bare
He hung his sign out anywhere.
Ny doctern is TO lay aside
Contention and be satisfied.
Jest do your best, and praise er blame
That follers that counts Just the same.
I've allus noticed great success
Is mixed with troubles more or less,
And it's the man who does the best
That gets more kicks than all the rest.
james WhitcODlb Riley.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08

What is it. little girl r said a
Dearborn street grocer to a fve-year-
old miss. as he leaned over the coun-
ter.
Little Girl-"Mamna sent me- FOR a
lamp chimney, and she hopes 1t VIII
be as strong as that last butter you
sent rs y
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08

A sea captain lately arrived at Bos-
ton, when going up TO the wharf, or
dered an Irishman 10 throw over the
buoy, and going below few minutes
he called 10 the IrishInan and asked
him il he had thrown the buoy. NO
said he, II couldn't catch the boy but
| threw over the old cook"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08
MILLINERY
For the Babies
DRESS GOODS.

In our Dress Goods department We
never had as many new things to show
you as we have now. All the Late
Shades, from the very cheapest to the
best. Everything full up in this de-
partment.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1892-07-08

A handsome woman is jewel; but
a good woman is a treasure.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1892-03-18
lSalzac on Color,

Balzac. the French author, says that
a woman's character finds expression
in her favorite color. A woman who
prefers orange or green gowns is, he
thinks, quarrelsome. Those who sport
yellow hats or who go clad in black
without cause are not to be trusted.
White should indicate coquetry. Gen.
tie and thoughtful women prefer pink
Pearl-gray is the color of women who
consider themselves unfortunate. Lilac
is the shade particularly affected by
overripe beauties; therefore, according
to Balzac, lilac hats are mostly worn
by mothers on their daughters mar
riage day and by women more than
forty years old when they go visiting
N. Y. World.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1892-03-18
BOTH WE'VE eASHFUL.

But It Is Not Oftert a Quality of Royalty
The following aneo1ote, sent us by
our Berlin corresr OndeEt, is said to have
been related by the car himself to in
innate friends. "A is elder brother, who
died at Nice, was, S is generally known,
first betrothed tc Princess Dagmar OF
Denmark. On his deat1-bed he left his
brother. the pres ent car, letter in
which he begged him to take his place
in the heart of Il princess. The Grand
Duke Alexand "a however, was very
bashful lover. q n had not the courage to
carry out his { " ing brothers last wish,
till one day IL q Grand Duke Vladimir
said to him: eff you will not fulfill the
wish of our { cad Nicholas, l shall pro-
pose for the hand OF the princess my
self" A sh ort time after the Grand
Duke Alex; Inder set off to Copenhagen,
and one LAY, beirg alone with the
Princess Dagmar, he handed her
trembling " the lett er of his brother.
When the princess re I'D it she blushed
and said; ''I also rec .ived letter from
Nicholas, in which he begged me to be-
come your wife" Alex. ander asked to
be allowed to read th ; letter. The
princess fetched it, and together they
read it. The sequel was marriage
London Daily News
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1892-03-18
Too Many Languages.

There is undoubtedly good deal of
advantage in learning foreign tongues
from nurse in childhood, but it is
easily possible to do this at the expense
of English. If the child is not to know
it's mother tongue there is not great
deal of advantage in having a snatter-
ing of foreign one.
On the piazza of a summer hotel were
observed not long since a group of
over-dressed children who were about
setting out for a walk under the care
of governess who was Enthusiastically
French.
"Maudie," a little boy of the party
said to his sister, ''aint the Fraulein
a-goin' to Gomez"
"Nong," the girl answered, "slle est
nein gut, and be awful glad she amt
well this morning"
These children had a French and a
German governess at the same time, but
neither of them was bothered about so
unimportant matter as English
Youths Companion.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1892-03-18
THE lola REGISTER.
FRIDAY. MARCH Is. 1892,
REPUBLICAN CONVENTION

SECOND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT
A delegate convention of the Republicans OF
the Second Congressional District OF kansas VIII
be held in the city Of Fort Scott on TUESDAY,
April 10 at 3 o'clock p. m, for the purpose vi
electing two delegates and two aiernates 10
represent the said district at the National Ion-
yention to be held at Minneapolis. MINI June
:. Isa2. To nominate candidates for President ana
Vice President Of the United States. Also to
nominate one Republican Presidential Elector
for said District.
The basis of representation shall be one dele
sate-at-large for each county OF the District ana
one delegate for every 21O votes, or traction OF
non or more. votes cast for George W Ninans
for Superintendent of Public Instruction IN tie
election of 1890 under which rule delegates are
spportioned to the several counties as follows;
Alien 800 Anderson. bourbon u
douglass IA Franklin. 10 Johnson ~
linn 10 Miami. IL Wyandotte IL
II is recommended that the delegates to the
Convention be selected in county conventions
20 be held Saturday, April II The various
county central committees should give que
notice of the time designated for the election oil
delegates By publication in the county papers
Bv order of the Republican District Congress
siOal Committee. o A GEEskEA,
r b STEVENSON, Chalflhhh
See Pro TEN.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1892-03-18
FUNsTON,s BIG HEART.

Whatever may be said of Mr.. Funs-
ton politically, he has a good deal of
the milk of human kindness in his
make up as shown by the little incl
dent of his conduct toward the emf
grant children. We admire this trait
i'm the character of every man of every
shade ofpOlitical belief.-Pooto Spirit
The incident referred to by the
Spirit "a Democratic paper, is relat-
ed in a press dispatch from New York
as follows:
Congressman Funston, of Kansas, a
member of the house committee on i'm
migration, had his eyes open Saturday
while he was at Ellis Island and was
much affected by what he saw. With
Congressman Epes ana one or two
others and an interpreter, he visited a
room where portion ola poor family
was detained. 1t was thought that
this family must be sent home. There
were several children in the family,
the youngest girl of. four. The
mother had been taken away from
them sick with typhus. With the
aid of the interpreter Mr.. Funston
talked with the children. They were
very poor and as they told of the hard
time they had had they began.to cry.
The little girl was moaning for her
mother.
The Congressman could not stand
lit. RE took the little thing up in his
arms and before he could comfort her
there were tears in his eyes. Then
he drew his wallet, put the little girl
down and began distributing 81 bills
He gave one to every member of the
family from the father down to the
4-year-old. Then he Strengthened W
to his full six feet and his heavy voice
was husky as he said: "I'm not used
to this. I've got some children OF
my own. can't stand it to see these
little things crying for their mother"
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1892-03-18
Pears
Soap

Pretty boxes and odors
are used to sell such
soaps as no one would
touch if he saw them un-
disguised. Beware OF a
soap that depends on
something outside OF it.
Pears, the finest soap
in the world is scented or
not, as you wish; and the
money is in the merchan-
disc, not in the box.
All sorts of stores sell
it, especially druggists;
all sorts of people are
using it.