The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-24
SOAKING THE GOLDFISH.

The Smearkase house is run by an ell
derry man, who does better at breaking
colts than he does in editing a menu. We
stopped here over twenty-four hours.
Rates 81 per day and split your own kindl-
ing wood. Guests wishing to take a bath
are requested to apply at the Office for
roller towel and other facilities. After
bathing guests are requested to return
mackerel tub to the Office, as other guests
may be waiting to take bath. For bell boy
ring TWO times and then go and do 1t your
self. For meals wanted in room, wiring
the neck Of the large Shanghai rooster in
the back yard twice and cook the same on
oil stove. Fire escapes on this house are
exclusively for guests of the house. ANY
one seeking TO escape on one of our fire
escapes and not patrons Of the house viii
be fired.
The other day at another hotel was
robbed of my bathroom. Fortunately
was not in it myself. While l was at tea
the bathroom was purloined from my room
and given to another man. Some of my
things were in al the time. 1t was enc of
those bathrooms connected with two rooms
The sother man was more profane at
the Office than l was, so he got the bath
room. l could never accomplish much by
my profanity, anyhow. l was taught at
home to avoid it in conversation, and so it
often happens than men who are gifted
LudL way get Inc DrlUal CQamDer WQlle
am given the suicide room.
Thus it happened that when I returned
to my CHEEKY little cupboard, No. sos, series
b, found that some one had swiped my
bathing place, together with rich oriental
bath robe which l bought two years ago at
Ober-Apergau of Judas Iscariot. He was
also understudy for Pontius PLATE, and
this robe was one he wole while en- the
bench
7 ~
1t Is glorious season of the year in
which to travel over our country and see
the brown fields take on their living of
green. AS the train pauses at q little
station the odor of the Maltese pussy will
low comes in at the window, while far
away the peculiar, happy hearted song OF
the black bird comes over the April scented
meadows At the station l see lad step
| ping high, like blind horse, aud l know
that he is just going barefoot for the first
time this season. His feet are very white.
whittier than they will be again till next
April, and he is trying to sell q small tin
| pail full of frogs legs. The conductor
says that the boy will close them out at a
sacrifice, as he has been trying now for
two weeks to sell them and frogs legs 90
not improve with age.
Crops in Ohio are looking unusually
well. Winter wheat under the careful
auspices Of Governor Mckinley is looking
thrifty and very rank indeed. Rhubarb is
looking very robust this spring. CowsIip
greens are plenty and good Why should
we enter into competition with the foreign
market by the removal of the tariff when
cowslip greens are so abundant and the
pokeberry season almost upon US % l
write?
Last week we stopped ct the Cobb house
l call it the Cobb house because 1 am wary
about giving the correct name A friend OF
mine once wrote up an account of this same
house, giving the correct name of the hotel
and the proprietor. The latter ran the
house then as he does now, purely by brute
force and main strength.
He ran the elevator then Just as he does
now. by means of the surplus energy of his
butter. Ii he could get a storage system
for his butter power he could move build
ings at slight expense.
My friend wrote up this hotel, as say
and told the truth about it. Then in the
rush and hurry of business he forgot abouG
it till two years later when something
brought it up in his mind Something
gave his memory o slight jolt, he saws
Memory is not located where he thought it
was.
He says he had to poultice his memory
all that summer He thinks now that he
was reminded of the article by the land
lord.
mat is the reason why speak of It as
the Cobb house. Some commercial men
who have tried it call it the Pest house.
That is good name for it,
The ham one gets there always seems to
be what was left over from sozle other
mans breakfast. You have no doubt
eaten that kind of ham. L do not know
who uses his tablecloth when it is clean. /
know that he does not.
One day l asked visitor who called at
my room what he would like, and he said
he believed he would take brandy and
sarsaparilla. Brandy, with small bottle
of sarsaparilla, he said, is an excellent
spring tonic, and the sarsaparila COM
pletely DISCUSSES the taste of the brandy.
rang and told the waiter TO bring up n
settler lemonade for ne and brandy and
sarsaparilla for my friend. He was gone
quite a long time. We thought he had
gone out to the base ball game and we
almost gave him up. BY and by he came
painting 10 the room with brandy and a
bottle of Dudes sarsaparilla. He had
tried three drug stores. it seems, before he
could get the sarsaparilla at all. That's
twice have had the same experience
Once Mr. James Whitcomb Riley. Mr..
Amos Jelyffe Walker and Dr. FrankIin
WorthiDgton Hays, of Indianapolis, with