Idaho semi-weekly world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1875-1908, 1892-02-23
ALW AVS INTERESTING.
BABY ANALyzED FROM THE STAND
POINT or A BACHELOR.

Some Comparisons That the Fond Mother
and Devoted Amt viii fndIgnAntIy
Repadiate---A fter All, the child Teaches /!
Mankind the Lesson 81 Faith.
Rabies belong to the neuter gender, 50 !
may be classed with the marine ascidian !
bind other jellyiike structures They
should invariably be spoken Of as tit
and speculasions AS 10 ultimate sex should
never BE- INDUCED in in presence Of the
parents, but it IL always safe TO make a
general statement Of ''ifs being like its IA
ther." Even II 1t should eventually turn
put to be girl, this statement il not sup
posed to cast any stigma upon II or It's
mother, but Is generally received with
gratitude
Roughly speaking, babies may be divided
into two classes those that resemble pigs
and those that lave more Of the character
listics Of the monkey tribe. The pig vart
ETY. IS usually sloppy in texture and runs
over in the matter Of cheeks, and has
multiplicity Of chins. each more unstable
than the other; to kiss an infant Of this
class resembles kissing poached egg. and
under very few circumstances Is handling
advisable, AS the head appearstO be insult
ffcieRtly attached to the main body, and
rolls in an astonishing manner Total
badness and great bunchiness and bulb
BUSINESS of skull are usual with this spe-s
cies, though sometimes there Is thin GOV,
eriug Of white or primrose colored down
on the head.
These babies are usually called '.fine chill
dren," and their legs are often exhibited in
confirmation OF the statement. The legs
are fashioned upon the proportions OF an
III distributed rolypoly. and their circum-
ference Is usually In excess Of their length.
Persons Of great nicely and exactness Of
politeness insert a finger under one Of the
chins of these creatures, and make little
chuckling noise, which gives great salts
faction to the parents, while exceptionally
strong minded people will make a dent in
the cheek or even In both cheeks and COO:
but it requires long practice and phenome
| nal GOODNESS TO carry this off satisfactorily,
as not infrequently the infant considers
the act in the light Of liberty and raises a
| howl; hasty retreat is the only approved
course in that event
| IRREGULARITIES.
The other variety Of baby, the monkey
1 sort, is frequently hairy on the head, and
OF very deep red ocher or intense orange
| color. 1t inclines to skinniness, and as
| punching is not desirable under these cir
cumstances the visitor should always make
come remark as to the astonishing length
Of the limbs and predict that it will be a
| tall child Nervous people often feel a GER
| tain alarm at being with infants of his
class, because the expression OF thei- faces
is so prematurely old and WISE The clev-
crest man feels his miserable insignificance
and fonlishness beneath the weird stare OF
one of these infants; it is so UNNECESSARILY
wise and ancient, so far removed from the
| mistakes Of human life.
On the other hand, it is safer to hold one
| Of these than one of the former variety, be-
| cause they have rIdimentary bones and do
not fall to pieces; also their heads are
| firmly attached to The rest of them and dc
not roll. The real secret OF successful
holding both sorts OF babies is to grasp the
clothes firmly and let the baby look out for
itself. 1t cannot, however, be impressed
too strongly upon the mind that inverte-
brate animals are best regarded from dis
tance and not tempered with.
1 A careful and intelligent study of the
baby leads the impartial observer to the
conclusion that it is a development of the
genus or order Holothurian, a creature
composed of mouth and rudmentary
| stomach. Let any one who doubts this
place any object 1.-THE costlier the better
within reach of baby and he will see il
conveyed, as matter of course, to thai
baby's mouth. This is universal law o.
babyhood; coal, soap, penknives, hair
brushes, books. toys, boots, umbrellas. arr
all tested by the mouth, and the bigger tn,
article the more the baby enjoys the effor
to swallow it.
BABY IS AN oPTIMIsT
u The epidermis, or outer surface of ths
baby, bears a general resemblance to vel
vet and frills, but as the town naturalist
is not often provided with a magnifyinl
glass, he cannot speak with certainty o
the huge masses of millinery in nurses
arms invariably containing a baby.
A general rule may here be given-whel
the mass squeals it is safe to conclude tha
|. there is a baby inside, as all naturalists ar
agreed that babies can and do squeal; bu
even here there is very little statistical in
formation to be relied upon, some authori
/ ties stating that the creature is of noctur
nal habits and bowls chiefly at nights
others declaring that it bowls increasingly
i, while mothers rapturously affirm that bah,
i never cries There ought to be very it'll
r difficulty in collecting reliable information
on this point but the self devotion of gu
/, savants has not reached that point yet
| Historically considered, the babies hav
| never been of much account unless the,
, were of the male sex, and not always then
One interesting feature is to be observe'
, in the baby of the present day. Although
t so low down in the scale of events, the las
born baby starts in life with the same ego
r ism and self confidence as if it were tn
first and only baby in the world. The ex
r perience of hundreds of generations ha
, done nothing to modify the natural hope
fulness and optimism of the baby. Cali
= himself was not more serenely optimis
than the last new infant, for the sin an
sorrow of the world does not touch tn
baby 1t starts as fresh as Adam ever
: time, and believes it can have the moon {
5 play with with the same CHEEKY obstinac
, that its prehistoric thousandth great
grandfather did.
, The reign of faith can never die GU
while babies are being born; they believ
{ everything, hope everything. desire every
| thing. Culture will doubtless do som'
r thing to modify the extreme youthfulnes
: and happiness of the baby, as it has low
n cred our vitality and curtailed our passion
r but so far the one irredeemable bit of SAY
agery which no knowledge has touched
: no refinement smothered, no ciyilizatio
a veneered, is that utterly irreclaimabl
| vestige of primitive man in all his originl
savagery-the baby.-Black and White.
= An dissatisfied Query.
You have blown out II candle. no doub
:. Where did the flame go that vanished b
: fore your breath? AS easily answered, an
! more so, perhaps. than the world old, tin
I