Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-07-07
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes ana Jokelets that Are Supposed to
Have Been Recently Born Sayings and
Doings that Are ODD. Curious and
Laughable.
ScisSored Smiles.


Star.
SAwYER-The proof of the pud-
ding is in the eating. De Step-No,
it isn't. 1t is in the igesting.-Tid
Bits.
THE nine parts of speech are wholly
inadequate to the needs Of the gem
tleman who shutters. -Binghamton
Leader.
TOMORROW never comes, but the
bill collector who has date with you
then will get around on time.-Somcr-
vile Journal.
WHEN baby is very homely it's
mother may see some resemblance be-
tween it and her husbands folks
Atchison Globe.
"OH, / had bang-up time Of it,
| as the man remarked who went up in
a balloon which exploded. -Phila-
delphia Record.
WHEN married man buttons his
suspenders on eightpenny nails it is
sure evidence that he has been disap-
| pointed in love.
AN Iowa man got drunk and stole
| time-piece recently. The clock is
still running and the man is also do
| ing time. Inter Ocean.
A DRUMMER who cloped with q
Kansas City dining-room girl was az
| rested for stealing the table service.
-Binghamton Republican.
CONDUCTOR-Your tickets, please.
| Tramp-Me face is me ticket, pard-
ner Conductor-Al right: then I'll
have to punch it!-New York Her
| aid.
MRS. ToTLING-Pm going to make
me bath robe. Mrs. Dimling-Are
you? Mrs Totling-Ycs; | have
bought the loveliest piece of watered
silk for the purpose. Detroit Free
Press.
A CHICAGO man recently saved his
life by carrying q roll Of 500 bills in
| side his vest when bullet came that
| way. Yet there are people who neg
lect so simple a precaution. st.
| Paul Globe
"WHAT do you think of that?"
| asked TWynn, as he and Triplett
watched mamma spanking child.
| "Its the same old story" what same
| old story? "A woman at the bottom
| of it!"-Judge.
SMYTHE-I dropped a penny in
front Of blind beggar to-day to see
if he'd pick it DIP. Tompkins- Well,
did he? Smythe-No; he said: make
| it sixpence, mister, and I'll forget
myself. "-TidBits.
PoMPoUs JUDGE hope you have
much practice? Young Lawyer
Yes, I have, thank you. II am glad
to hear it. And in what branch is
your practice mainly?" MAINLY in
economy. Texas Siftings,
SOME EXCUSE. - Yabsley Il am
panied to see that the moon is get
ting full again. Mudge-If you had
as much jimcrow poetry fred at you
as the moon has, you would get full
! yourself. indianapolis Journal.
| Mrs. STINGs-Last night you came
home with story of sitting up with
a sick friend Now what excuse
have you this time? Mr. Stings-
Tonight, my love, we (hic) all gath
cred (hic) round his beer.-Inter
| Ocean.
EMPLoYER-"You put that note
where it will be sure to attract Mr..
Smiths attention when he comes in,
didn't you?" Office Boy-"Yes, sir.
I stuck pin through it and put it.
on his Office chair. Harvard Lam
| pooh.
LOOKING AHEAD. = Isaac-"Repec-
ca, led's ged married ride away
| quick" Rebecca-"What for you in
such hurry, key" Isaac Der
sooner We marries, der sooner comes
| dot golden wedding, amt it?"-Kate
| Fields Washington.
NERVOUS PASSENGER (on Southern
railroad)- why are we
running at such frightful rate OF
speed?" Conductor (reassuringly)-
There is rotten bridge, madam,
| about mile ahead, and we want toget
/! over it with as little strain as posi-
bic. "-Brooklyn Life.
| A FATHER was very much annoyed
| by the foolish questions OF his little
son. "Johnny, you are great source
| of annoyance to me-" whats the
matter, pa:" "You ask SO many
foolish questions. / wasn't big
donkey when / was of your age.
| mo. pa, but you've crowd a heap
| since. Texas Siftings.
81 DESIRE" said young woman i'll
| music store on Madison avenue. Ito
purchase piece Of music for. my /
little brother who plays the piano. :
"Here. Miss. is precisely what you
| want" what is the name OF it3'
1.-The Maiden's Prayer, for 90 cents.
| sOnly 30 cents9 Why, he's further
advanced than that, for last month
he played piece WORTH IS cents.
Haven't you something for S1?a
Texas Siftings.