The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-06-07
GREAT QUACK.
Anew Alohemist Turns Up in st.
Petersburg.
THE SECRET OF LONGEVITY.
How GatchkOws,sy Professcd to Have
Discovered II and Set All Russia
Mad over "vitallne"..-0cncrnl Gres-
ser's Death Exposes the Remarkable
Imposturc.


OF General Gresser, it has givento this
woe.stricEen country its best laugh for
many a day. 1t ia characteristic OF
Russia that even its comedies must be
founded on grimness and suffering
The present outburst OF mirth was all
immediate sequence Of the death OF
distinguished officer, and was sustained
by the fact that thousands Of people,
from princes to mouths, wore literally
in what Englishinen call regular blue
funk. 1t is such reign OF terror as not
even Nihilists have been able to pro-
woke. And all the rost Of tho people
look on with uproarious mirth. 1t is
pity some one does not immortalize tho
situation in comic opera.
At the bottom Of it all is patent
medicine quack and his nostrum: All
Europe has been overrun with such
things for years; worse, perhaps, than
America. Some are good, some are bad,
and some, the great majority, are quite
Indifferent. Dr. Brown-Sequard did
much toinspire the craze for panaceas
and el.xirs. Soon after he announced
his discovery scores OF charlatans al
over the continent were selling and ad-
ministering various compounds war
ranted TO euro oil ills and restore the
vitality OF youth. Professor Koch's al
legged consumption cure gave tho i'm
pulse for another grand charge OF the
duack brigade, and another was in
spired by the news that someone in
America was injecting drugs into the
blood to cure delirium tremens. Among
the ignorant and crodulous Russians
such ciap.trap meets with great success,
and in almostcyory village thereis now
some so.called doctor, who, with lozen.
ges or hypodernic injections, is ready
10 cure anything from toothache to old
age.
The latest genius Of this stamp is q
civil engineer named Gatchkowsky.
Some time ago he went to Turkestan to
work on the Transcaspianrailroad. On
his return he had wonderful tale to
tell. He had, in the course OF his trav:-
els, near the border OF Thibet entered
a hitherto unknown country, "where
fragments Of forgotten people dwell"
They were people who never fell ill and
never grow old. Struck with amaze
ment lie asked the secret Of their per
petual health. At first they would not
tell him. But on learning that no was
an officer of the Great White Gear they
recognized him to be man Of destiny
through whom the secret OF unfailing
life was TO be given to the world. Ac-
cordinrly lively young man OF four or
five hundred summers took Mr.. Catch
kowskv aside and told him all about it.
They kept themselves forever young by
the use OF mysterious elixir, which
they injected into their veins. The
mandarin-ior these were Chinese PEG.
ple-imparted to the Russian the for
mula for making this elixir, and sent
him back to- Europe to conquer disease
and death.
When Gatchkowsky returned with
this marvellous tale all Russia believed
it and came rushing to him for health
and youth. He called his elixir vital
inc" and charged an enormous price for
it. To manufacture it was tedious and
laborious task. It's ingredients were
extraordinarily costly and difticultto OBJ
tain. But what price would one. not
nay for the elixir OF youth? So thou
sands came to him to have their arms
punctured with his magic needle and
immortal youth sent coursiRg through
their veins. To describe 1t Us mania
is not too much.
Gatchkowsky's office was literally be.
sieged day and night. In the throng
were grand dukes and ministers OF
state, generals OF. the army, millionaire
bankers, diplomats, cab drivers, cooks,
peasants and beggars. The most learned
and most astute came with faith as ln-
plicit MS that OF the lowliest moujik.
Ladies OF rank and fashion came, cry
ing, like the man in "Pilgrim's Pro.
press," "Life! Lifel" Even the en-
peror himself became a believer in 1t
and sent for his son, the Grand Duke
George, who was in tho Caucasus, to
come and be treated for the ailments,
that afflict him. Before tho grand
duke received treatment, however, a
startling event occurred, which in a
twinkling changed the whole aspect OF
the case. That event was the death OF
General Gresser.
The officer was Project OF st. Peters
burg, and was one of the best known
men in tho city. He was suffering from
no acute disease, but general nervous
debility and decline OF vital forces. So
he went To- Gatchkowsky for treatment
in company with General Baranolf, who
also wanted dose OF "Vitaline." Tho
illustrious patients received hyperdemic
injections and went away happy. Their
example famed tho flame Of popular
craze. The regular physicians were
abandoned by their patients, and
everybody wished for doses
OF the wonderful "yitaline.'
Imagine, then, the CONSERVATION
when It was announced that General
Gresser was dead and General Baranof
dying. Instantly the retreat became MS
wild as the advance had been. There
was perfect stampede away from
Gatchkowsky's. But that was not all.
Everyone who had received the "vital.
inc" was crazed with fright, lest he too
should share General Gresser's fate.
Hundreds OF them sent for doctors and
surgeons and begged to have the arms
in which they had received the injec-
tions cut off And 1t was with difficulty
that they were persuaded not to take
such an extreme step. Thousands were
thus frightened out OF their wits, and
not few became actually very i'll
through sheer alarm.
All this served greatly TO amuse those
who had not used "vitaline." But the
best was yet to come. The police soon
arrested Gatchkowsky on charge OF
having caused General Gresser's death
by the administering OF dangerous
modicanent Whereupon, to save him.
elf the nnnck mada full Confession.