Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1892-01-13
NEWGAG.

IL was not his real name or his stage
name, but it was the one under which he
was best known by those who best knew
him. IL had been thrown at him IN cafe
one night by newspaper man after the
performance, and had chung TO him. rs
significance lay In the fact that his gags"
supposedly comic things said by presum.
ably comic men in nominal opera or bur
lesque-invariably were old. The man who
bestowed the title upon him thought it a
fine bit Of irony.
Newgag received it without expressed
resentment but without mirth, and he
bore its repetition patiently as seasons
went by. He was accustomed to enduring
calmly the jests, the indignities that were
elected by his peculiar appearance, his
doleful expression, his slow and bungling
speech and movement, his diflident manner
He was one of the forbearing men, the
many who are doomed TO continual suffer
ing Of a kind that their constituencies and
timidity make IL the more difficult fol
them TO bear. Undying ambition burned
beneath his undemonstrative surface;
dauntless courage lay under his lack OF
ability.
He was an extremely spare man, OF ex-
shoulders gave the small head a comical
thrust forward. His black hair was with
out curl and it would tolerate no other ar
rangement than being combed back
straight It was allowed to grow down.
ward until it scraped the back Of Newgags
collar. a device for concealing the meager
ness Of his neck.
He had a smooth. pale face, slanting
from ears to nose like a wedge; and the
dimness Of the blue eyes added to its In
Prospective cast. He blushed, as rule.
when he met new acquaintance or was ad
dressed suddenly. He had a gloomy look
and hesitating way Of speech. An anus
ing spectacle was his mechanical looking
smile, which, when he became conscious
OF it, passed through several stages ex-
pressive of embarrassment until his normal
mournful aspect was reached.
As he usually appeared in a sack coat
when of the stage, the length Of his legs
was divertingly emphasized. After the
fashion OF great actors OF bygone genera
ton, he wore soft black felt hat, dinged
Ia the crown from front to rear.
He had entered 'the profession" from the
amateur stage, BY way Of the comic opera
chorus, and TO that chance was due his
being located In the comic opera wing Of
the great histrionic edifice He had orig
inally preferred tragedy; but the first con.
sideration was the getting upon the stage
by any means. Having industriously
worked his way out OF the chorus he had
been reconciled by habit to his environ
ment and had come to aspire TO eminence
therein. He had reached the standing Of q
secondary comedian-that Is TO say, man
playing secondary comic roles in the pieces
/ for which he IL cast. He was useful IN
/ such companies as were directly or IN.
directly controlled by their leading come,
/ dians; for there never could be any fear OF
his outshining those autOcratio personages
Only in his widest hopes did he ever look
/ upon the center Of the stage as spot posi-
Die for him TO attain.
His means OF eyolling laughter upon tn,
stage were laborious upon his part and
mystifying 70 the thoughtful observer, II,
took noticeable pains TO change from his
renl self 1t mattered not what were til,
nature OF the part he filed he invariably
assumed an unnatural, strained, raspin
voice: he stretched his mouth toits utmos
reach and lowered the extremities Of hii
lips, he turned his toes inward NATURALLY
his feet described an abnormal outwarg
angle) and bowed his arms. Brought al
1 tine kIIODl WHICH ANNIilN-f Allftl 10 lAiAkl
others laugh one must never smile one'
self, he wore a grotesquely lugubrious ans
changeless countenance. Such was New
gag IN his every impersonation. When h
Thought he was funniest he appeared to b.
in most pain and was most depressing
MY methods are legitimate, anyhow.
he would say when he had enlisted one
attention and apparent admiration acros
a table bearing beer bottles and sand
witches. 1.-THE people want horse play now
adays. But when Pve got TO descend [
that sort Of thing I'll 60 to the variet
stage or circus ring at once-or quit"
That's a happy thought, old man,
said a comedian Of the younger school on
night, when Newgag had uttered hi
= wonted speech. why don't you quit2'
Such a speech sutIiced to rob Newgag
7 his self possession and TO reduce him
: silence. He could not cope with easy of
hand. impromptu testers. In truth, i
one tried more than Newgag to excel
"horse play" but his temperament or h
training did not equip him for excelling
{ It; he defended the monotony, emptine
q and toilsomeness Of his humor on u
4 ground that it was Legitimate"
l One night Newgag drank two glasses
Is beer in rapid succession and looked at n
with touching countenance.
"Old boy,n he said, in his homely draw
"pm discouraged begin to think L
Y not in itp'
d "Why, what's wrongw
sr "Well-pve dropped 70 the fact Oh
d after all these years in the business car
d make them laugh"
% was about to say, 80 you've just ava
ened to thatw but pity and politeness
tered me. Every one else had known
all these years. Newgag, to be sure, shor
II naturally have been, as he was, the last
ks discover it.
on Newgag thus went enc step further tn
We any comedian have ever known. Havi
detected his inability to amuse audienc
he confessed It.
People who know actors and read Il
- viii already have said that it is fict
and that Newgag's admission is false
life Not 50; am writing not about col
dams in general, but about Newgag.
That he had come TO so exceptional a c
lng cession marked the depth OF his despair
ia tried to cheer him.
tge Nonsense, my boyi They give you
Gus parts. Goout Of comic opera. Try TRACED
Vil- ! had spoken innocently and SINGER
ght But Newgag thought | was jesting
/ of stead Of his usual attempt at lofty calll
ded ness, however, he smiled that dismal Il
aw. ionette ike smile of his. That gave ml
ave idea, Of which said nothing at the tin
rise Several months afterward, a man,
laid who is a friend of mine, was suddi
in plunged in distress because Of the ser