The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1892-12-04
STRIPES THE WRONG Way
A Hero of the Early Days OF wichita.

which is the classical way OF saying that
| he has passed in his checks. He lived IN
! the Greek nation, the hardest part of the
! Indian Territory, and ran combination
store, where he sold dry goods, false teeth,
! groceries, tar, collins, chewing gum, lum-
| ber sardiDes and ice cream. He sold an
| Indian some calico with the stripes run
| ming the wrong way. and he has now
! journeyed on. 1t doesn't take much to ex-
cite the smoldering vengeance OF an
| Indian"
Colonel Solomon Bugg of Kansas wiped
| away silent tear.
"Old Snoozer, for he had no other
name, was genius in his way. The
| first time l met him was in the early
seventies in Wichita Old SnooZer
| played poker for a living and preached
| every Sunday for diversion. The
town was young then, and in order to get
a restaurant there 1t was necessary to
| offer bonus. This was not Forthcoming
I as rapidly as it might, and in his next SER
| mon 1t was decided to have Old Smoother
stir the latent spirit of enterprise in the
breasts or the citizens. | shall never for
get that sermon. The day before a young
graduate OF an eastern college came TO
town with the idea OF establishing Il
church. He was a. soft a tenderfoot as
ever had the pain of seeing, and he dropped
around TO hear Old Smoother preach The
next morning
Il went, too. and | never saw a man
look so astoniahed as that young graduate
did when Smoother got down behind the
pulpit, tipped up the bottle, and fired him
self for the sermon. Then when Old
Smoother opened up the Bible and revealed
his book mark, which was the
ace of spades of an old deck,
| thought the graduate would croak on
the spot. Old Smoother put on his glasses,
and taking fresh chew, looked out over
his audience with Ii critical air. Seeing
the stranger in the congregation, he evil
IDENTIFY desired to make an impression as
she pulled out his revolver aud coolly
laid 1t on the open Bible. Then he peered
over the room again and said:
. To-day | shall read few stanZas from
Exodus. What do you want, Butterfly
Jim?
"A tall, lank cowboy answering that
name had stood up and made a motion
with his hand that he wished to be heard
" Is that in the front er the back of Their
book?' he asked.
"'What difference does it make to you?'
snapped Smoother
"'Weli, Pm getting pretty tired of hear
ing about somebody begatting somebody
else. Read something in the back and
let's see of they get married at last er how
ther shebang ends up, anyhow
Il don't know whether he did it as a joke
or not, but Old Smoother dogped the pages
over aud said: 4 will now read the six
teeuth chapter of the tenth verse OF Gene
vlticus, which says
''Is that III the hinduuarters' asked
Butterfly Jim, whose knowledge OF cows
supplied him with metaphors.
Sit dowUH yelled Smoother. OF course
it is. If any bleached-Out galoot inter
cepts my recourse again, he growed, I'll
fill him as full Of lead as RATHER is OF
bullfrogsn and be banged the pulpit with
the butt of his revolver and glared straight
at the young graduate, who was visibly
quaklng.
This is my text from Geneviticus,' he
continued:
'"When Greek meets Creek
lis folly to be wlSe.''
81 was watching tine young tenderfoot
from the eastern college. He had his nose
turned up and was sneering for all that
was out He sneered more than ever when
the boys appauded the text by stamping
with their feet. They always do this. Ii
sounded queer 70 anybody who had been
in an eastern church, where everything
is quiet. But none of that congregation
had euer been in an eastern church; at
least none Of the cowboys.
Look here, the preacher continued, 1
amt got no agitatlons, particularly on
this yere subject, except this one thought
Here is a restaurant wanting to come to |
this yere village. Now, the lesson of the |
text is for you fellows to dive down into |
your buckskins and put up bonus. We |
need restaurant. A restaurant lends |
tone to a town. ! ask this we're audience, |
is there a man here who knows the philo |
logical derivation of the word restaurant!
IL there is let him speak now or forever |
hold his tongue
Nobody said anything. The average
cowboy couldn't tell a derivation from IA
dogma if he should meet them both on |
the omen prairie with tags on.
"'Old Smoother gazed down on his audi |
ence with plying cOndenscension, and par |
on the fne-hared stranger !
don't know why, but the cowboys would |
take anything from Old ouzler. He |
would always ask them big questions and /
then charge them with ignorance for not !!
them. In this way he had |
built up II reputation for great learning. !
Those cowboys never said word, but just |
sat still and let SuoOzler gabble away. It |
was strange 1t anybody elss had treated /
hem so they would have ventilated his /
form in two shakes of lambs tail. And, |
besides, these rough fellows exercise "A
kind of protectorate over Smoother. 1t was |
death To anybody who questioned SuoOZ- |
ler's claim of learning. 1t would have |
been fortunate for that tenderfoot had he |
known thi~.
"'Well, | declare, old Smoother, continu- |
ned, am to reprehend that not a single |
in this yere aggregation knows |
the pathological derivation of restaurants" /
and Snoozer looked with especial malice at |
the stranger
"'Well, my friends" he continued, I
never saw such ignorance. Why, restaur-
ant comes from the Greek 'taurant," to
yobble, aud "reS, " grub-to gobble grub
any gump would know that"
This was too much for the young
stranger He laid back in his chair. threw
out his legs, opened his mouth and laugh
ed off every button on his clothes. He
yelled, shrieked, shook and roared.
"a lot of angry cowboys gathered
around him, and demanded the reason for
his hiarity
"'Why, he is an old fraud the tender
loot said He is the greatest impostor l
ever saw
WHAT cried the cowboys in chorus.
OF course he is, urged the young man,
there is no such book III the b bie as Gen
,viticus and the Bible doesn't say any
hing about Greek meeting Greek, and that
that's too much And he
shook.
Those cowboys didn't say anything
Nobody had ever dared To Impeach Suoo8- |
er's learning before. They picked that
enderfoot up bodily and dropped BIN in IA
deserted well on the prairie. / guess he
got out. Nobody ever knew.
The town got the restaurant anyway.
It didn't succeed. Every body who had
given anything on the boaus thought he
owned the establishment and would order
zig meals and charge II up to the bonus
(ue day the restaurant suspended with
wo adamaut sandwiches AS assets. What
Toes Old Smoother do bat take the restaur-
mt himself he traded an old white nag
or it, on which the former proprietor rOle
,uJ Of town. Now, nobody ever aid up
Did Smoother on "a trade. bat the Whole
own expected - see him suffer with that
restaurant on his hands y week paSsed
Iud the restaurant WAS rs deserted a. ever.