The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-08-10
WIT AND HUMOR.
A bore usually makes big hole in
,,Sry dau Racfoa, GUzoffp

any bigger to lift him up.-RGna'S
Horn.
When man has good horse sense
he doesn't bet on races.-Bimghanet
Republican.
If poor relatives had their way, they
would not have any rich uncles very
long.-DGllGs NeaOs.
/ notice that an amateur fisherman
can tell just as big lies as a profess
sional.-1eTas SJtingS.
Higher criticism has not yet done
thing to make men more patient on
washday.-Ram's Horn.
The tramp may be all wool and
yard wide, but he is goods that will
not wash.-Ddllas Nea0s.
"This is an application for relief" as
the man said when he stuck the porous
plaster on his pain.-PhitddeEphtG Rec-
ord.
GYou warrant that horse gentle?"
~Gentle as lamb, sir. If that horse
were a man he'd be dude. ."-Harper's
BGzGr.
aThat was a great downfall" said
the barber, when he finished shaving
the young mans upper lip Washing
ton Star.
Tomorrow never comes, but the bill
collector who has date with you then
will get around on time.-SomerVftte
Journal.
The summer girl is to wear sus-
penders, with a probable preference
for che popular an braces. ."-Phttadet-
pbiG Ledger.
The man who invests in shad may
have his moneys worth in the meat,
but he's stuck with the bones.-Phttd-
delphia Times.
@Where did Bright spend his honey
moonp" money moon. you mean; ne
married three millions. "-Bosto,s COM
nserciaE Bulletin.
Miserly-"I have been so poor at
times that would have sold my soul
for quarter" Cynicus-"T That showed
sharp business sense. M Y. Her
aid.
She-"Do you think Van Aukem can
get into the smart set'?" He-"I
don't see why he shouldn't; he's not
very smart, you know."-Broo6ty'a
Life.
Ethel-aI have had an offer of mar
riage." Clarissa-"Gracious, has it
got out that your grandmother is go-
ing to leave you some money! 7.
Press.
Benevolent Lady-"They tell me
You are a woman-hater." Grumpy
Gardener-"Well. mum, what wonder?
I've been married to four of 'em."-N.
r Weekly.
yesterday I told Schlegelmayer
that his club consisted of blockheads,
and to-day 1 hear that ! have been
elected an honorary member!"-Flte-
ge'sde BlGtter.
Priscilla Cat the piano)-"I just sim
ply dote on Bach!" Her Cousin with
late for that. Pilsner's good, though" !"
Yale Record.
Jasper-"Why did the Rev. DIR.
Poundtext come east?" Jumpuppe-
"He was chased out of the west for
teaching the golden rule in a silver
state. IN. Y Herald.
He Darling, if give you such an
expensive engagement ring, we can't
get married so soon." She-"Never
mind, dear. For your sake can
wait. "-Harper's BGzar.
Wouldn't the impecunious young
maA be happy during the ice cream
season if the girls mouths were no
bigger than a fashion-plate makes
them appear?-Bradford Era
He-"Who is that man over thereP"
She-"Prof. Smart, the great mind
reader" He-"Ah, / suppose he min
giles with society when he wants to
have rest. IN. Y. Herald.
Young ..Mother (proudly)-"Every-
body says the baby looks like me-"
Bachelor Brother (amazed) -"The
spitefu1 things don't say that to your
face, do theyP"-N. 7. Weekly.
It is well enough for the politician
to be an early bird, but it is a good
thing to be careful and not come
across the worm at its proyerbial turn
-point.-Kate Fields Washington.
Professor examining an applicant
for teachers certificate )-@Can you
decline love- Miss Gazley?" Miss
Galley (bashfully)-"I never have had
a chance to, sir. Detroit Free Press.
Frances a years old Mamma. /"
Mamma What is it, dearp" "You
never saw me before I was born, did
you?" "No, love-" "Then how did
you know it was meP"- Brooklyn Life.
De Writer-@What are you doing
now?" Notwithstanding $4,000
prize stories for the Great North Amer
lean Literary syndicate" "What do
they pay you?" "Ten dollars week.
IN. Y. Weekly.
Ella-@Do you believe in signs, Algy,
dearP" Algy-"To tell the truth, dar-
ling, l always as little supersti-
tious." Ella-"Wel, there is sign
over there that says Ice cream. "
Harvard Lanapoom.
as Smithins a smart lawyer"
Every. Man went to him with case
involving $3.50. Said he was viking
to spend 81, 800 to get it back. Smith,
ins made him out bill right off fol
1880. Brooklyn Life.
st. Peter (to newly arrived spirit)-
"Take the toboggan slide" Spirit
"But while in the flesh Inever believed
in a hell" St. Peter-"Can't help
that. It's condition which confronts
you now, not theory. Puck.
Sallie Green-"Belle Brown doesn't
admire herself before the mirror as
often as she used to-" Mamie Thorn
81 guess her new eyeglasses have great.
ly improved her sight. ."-Jes0elers
Weekly.
Uncle Andre (to his nephew)-"You
should always be modest, my child
Nephew-"I have thought that matter
over, uncle. There is just one obiec.
ton to modesty-people are apt tc
take you at your own valuation"
Figaro.
A gentleman in Yorkshire one day
took his little boy out for a walk, but
the boy from some cause or other got
lost, and, meeting a policeman, tear
fully asked: "Please, master, have
you seen man without little boyi
Cause, if you have, Pm that little
boy. ."-Du'adee Neacs.
The minister's wife (to industria.
scholar)-"Eliza Jane, I'm sorry tc
hear from your schoolmistress you art
not diligent at your needlework. You
know who it is finds work for idle
hands to do?" Eliza Jane Gntensely
anxious to propitiate) =" Yes'm
DIoaSo,rn Won dofO-T Til Rite