Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1892-03-19
WIT AND IIUMOR.

lefterday is n wastebasket into
which time dumps lost opportunities.
Washington Star.
This life is n joke. and the only
lappy ones are those who do not carry
I too far. -AtcAisoa Globe.
For a jackass endowed with the
power of speech, Baalam's did very
title talking. -Broobtya LIZ.
Marriage is not always n failure;
sometimes IL is a compromise with
,ue's creditors. - Onldh Worii.
The man who "grasped at II straw"
wasn't drowning. He was trying to
drown his sorrows. "-B0StOu Post.
IL may be remarked that the widow
RS weight Of woe is generally the ex-
ent OF his wait. -BlHghlnltOa Ledder.
CaDnons are popularity supposed 10
park, but that is no basis for be.ieviug
hat horse.pistols neigh.-H. Joseph
Netos.
The longer n man lives the less con-
iemnatiOn he has for the suspicious
elbow who mistrusts everybody
4LchtSOA Tt0Oe.
Sbe-"Will you INSTRUCT your daugii-
.er in The different la~nguages?' Great
uan-"No; o tongue is sufficient for
{ woman. fun.
Aft / were a minister I shonld
bate to dine at a bankers table" Is.
Why A.-"Think OF three days OF
gracTi~ Yale Record.
Great men owe their fame TO the
ittleness of the rest OF the world.
Fame is only n result of comparison
after aII.-IernS SyliHgs.
The first thing that some women will
wan to do when they get TO heaven
will be to hunt up a broom and dust
and clean.-ItraS StftHgS.
Jagson says he wouldn't object to
admitting women to every walk of life
I they would promise not 10 so three
ibreast.-Elmira Gazette.
Usually it is the man of the least inn
p%ortance who deems it most necessary
hat his valuable person be protected
by a pistol. - indianapolis Journal.
At the Night School: Teacher
Now. give me your attention"
pupil-"You'll have to excuse me. I'm
u street-car conductor. "-BostOn Tran
script.
He is a mighty meek man that can
patiently hold the baby while his wife
puts in a couple of hours at the piano
learning the latest lullaby. Indian.
apoiis Journal.
A hermit and a tramp present about
the same general appearances; the dis
tinguishing feature is that one is a re.
cluse, the other n wreck loose. -Unton
County Standard.
The mb-thrower who tried to kill
Russell Sage is said to have been cool
when he entered the office. He GER
iaiuly was collected after he left it,
YonEers Statesman.
1T is strange how 1attery will often
turn a mans head" Yes; there is q
great temptation for the social lion to
reverse Esop and get into the ass
skin. ~ Washington Star.
II you have a reputation for being
too good to swear make it n point 10
go out in the barn and carefully shut
the door before you open your tax
staten snt. -AtchiS01 Globe.
Wagg-"Smith, the baker. is a very
scholarly person." Qligley-"Why
so?' Wagg-''He has "a sign over his
pie counter, such stuff as dreams are
made of."-Harpcr'S Bdzar.
, What drove this poor man insane,
daaior?n ,Ae trisd to figure out hi.
wifeNs reasons for setting the clock
ahead whenever she wished to get up
early, - indianapolis Journal.
There are lots of men in the
world at the foot of the procession who
believe they are ut the head. though
they admit that the procession is going
the wrong way.-AtchiSOn Globe.
"Do YOU call this n pint?n asked the
model hired girl of the milkman.
Yes We'll. it won't do. When
this family wants condensed milk it'll
buy it ut the grocery VI Washington
Star.
Bulfnch-''Say, Wooden. how about
that great scheme you had? Did you
ever put it through" Wooden-.'No.
| didn't need to-" Bultinch-"How is
that3" W~ooden-'it fell through
Boston Courier.
lie (highly obuoxious)-'Good eve-
ming. You remember me. | hope"
She with assumed cordiality)-"Yes,
perfectly. am not one of those girls
who have convenient memories, you
knoxville.
Your son is half-back on the Null
ligatawny University eleven, is he not,
Mr.. Hicks?' HE was this morning,
| don't expect to see more than q
quarter of him back tonight, though"
-Harper's Bazar.
Editor Ito guest) Try a small
glass of this corn whisky" Guest
mo. sir; | come from n dry town"
Editor (to waiter) John hand the
gentleman that quart measured
Atlanta Constitution.
He-"They were married through a
matrimonial bureau. and he selected
her by her photograph" She-"And
now they are off on their bridal tour?'
He-No; he's gone to kill the photo.
grapher."-N. Y. Herald.
There's Il limit to nv endurance"
said the old gentleman to his son who
had applied for cash. Yes, father"
replied the c~onscienceiess youth, .'but
thought I'd like to speak to you
about raising the limit, you know
Washington Star.
"Yon are getting to be very fond OF
coffee. Dir. Hunker." said Mrs. Small
to her star boarder as he passed his
cup for the third replenishing. ut
isn't that Mrs. Small" replied Hunk.
er. I'm taking the hot-water treat
ment."-N. Y. Sun.
Fashionable Tourist (wiping his
forehead on the Alps rs he suddenly
turns round a rock)-';Just TO think
OF il! Here I've climbed 5000 feet up
the side OF this mountain only TO meet
face to face u of my heaviest credit.
ors." tIicqende Batter.
- bed Not Made TO sleep On.