Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1892-02-05
NE\VGAG.

~ " y" ~
1t was not his real name or his stage
name. but it was the one under which he
was best known by those who best knew
him. 1t had been thrown at him in a cafe
one night by a newspaper man after the
performance and had clung to him. Its
significance lay in the fact that his gags"
supposedly comic things said by presunl-
ably comic men in noaifiiaI opera or bur
lesque-invarably were old. The man who
bestowed the title upon him thought it a
fine bit of irony.
Newgag received it without expressed
resentment. but without mirth, and he
bore its repetition patiently rs seasons
went by He was accustomed to enduring
calmly the jests. the ndignities that were
elected by his peculiar appearance, his
doleful expression, his slow and bungling
speech and movement. his diffident manner.
He was one Of the forbearny men, the
many who are doomed to continual suffer
ing of IA kind that their sensitiveness and
timidity make it the more difficult for
them to bear Undying ambition burned
beneath his undenonstrative surface;
dauntless courage lay under his lack of
ability.
He was I'm extremely spare man, of ex-
traoriinary height and the bend of his
shoulders gave the small head a comical
thrust forward His black hair was with
out curl and it would tolerate no other AZ
rangement than being conlbed back
straight. 1t was allowed to grow down
ward until it scraped the back of Newgag's
collar, Il device for concealing the meager
ness of his neck.
He had smooth. pale face, slanting
from ears to nose like wedge; and the
dimness of the blue eyes added to it's in
Prospective cast He blushed, as rule,
when he met new acquaintance or was ad
dressed suddenly. He had gloomy look
and hesitating way of speech. An anus
ing spectacle was his mechanical looking
smile. which, when he became conscious
of it, passed through several stages ex-
pressive of embarrassment until his normal
mournful aspect was reached.
As he usually appeared in a sack coat
when off the stage, the length of his legs
was divertingly emphasized. After the
fashion of great actors of a bygone genera
ton. he wore Il soft black felt hat. diuged
in the crown from front to rear.
He had entered 1.-The profession from the
amateur stage. by way of the comic opera
being located in the comic opera wing of
the great histrionic edifice He had orig
inally preferred tragedy: but the first Goa
sideration was the getting upon the stage
by any means Having industriously
worked his way out of the chorus be had
been reconciled by habit to his environ
naent and had come to aspire to eminence
therein. He had reached the standing of a
secondary comedian-that is to say. man
playing secondary comic roles in the pieces
for which he is cast. He was useful in
such companies as were directly or in
directly controlled by their leading come
dams; for there never could be any fear OF
his outshining those autOcratic persOnages
Only in his widest hopes did he ever look
upon the center of the stage as spot posi-
BILE for him to attain.
His means of evoking laughter upon the
stage were labOrious upon his part and
mystifying to the thoughtful observer. He
took noticeable pains to change from his
retl self 1t mattered not what were the
nature of the part he filed, he invariably
assumed an unnatural strained rasping
voice: he stretched his mouth to it's utmost
reach and lowered the eXtremities of his
lips, he turned his toes inward NATURALLY
his feet described an abnormal outward
angler and bowed his arms. Brought up
in the school which teaches that to make
others laugh one must never smile ones
self. he wore a grotesquely lugubrious and
changeless countenance. Such was New
gag in his every impersopation. When he
thought he was funniest he appeared to be
in most pain and was most depressing
my methods are legitimate, anyhow"
he would say when he had enlisted ones
MT nd sd
table bearing beer bottles and sand
witches. 1.-THE people want horse play now
adays. But when I've got to descend to
that sort of thing I'll 90 to the variety
stage or circus ring at once-or quit"
that's a happy thought, old man."
said comedian of the younger school one
night, when Newgag had uttered his
wonted speech "Why don't you quit?"
Such speech sufficed to rob Newgag of
his self possession and to reduce him to
silence. He could not cope with easy, off,
hand, impromptu testers. In truth, no
one triet. more than Newgag to excel in
"horse play but his temperament or his
training did not equip him for excelling in
it: he defended the monotony, emptiness
and toilsomeness of his humor on the
ground that it was Legitimate"
One night Newgag drank two glasses of
beer in rapid succession and looked at me
with touching countenance.
'Old boy" he said, in his homely drawl,
"I'm discouraged! ! begin to think Pm
not in itl''
"Why. what's wrong?"
"Well-Pve dropped to the fact that
after all these years in the business can't
make them laugh"
was about to say, $50 you we just awak-
ened to that?" but pity and politeness de
tered ME. Every one else had known it,
all these years. Newgag, to be sure, should
naturally have been. as he was. the last to
aiscayer it,
Newgag thus vent one step further than
any comedian have ever known. Having
detected his inability to amuse audiences,
he confessed it.
People who know actors and read this,
will already have said that it is IL fiction
and that Eewgag's admission is false to
life Not so. am writing not shout come
dans in general, but about Newgag.
That he had come to so exceptional con-
eessiop marked the depth of his despair |
trick. 10 cheer him.
Nonsense, my hey! They give you bad
parts 10 out of comic opera. Try tragedy"
Ind spoken innocently and sincerely
But Newgag thought ! was TESTING In
stead of his usual attempt Mt lofty calloUs-
ness, however. he smiled that dismal mar
ionette like smile of his. That gave me an
idea, Of which said nothing at the time.
AeveraI months afterward, manager
who is IA friend G; ;l;,s syias suddenly
plunged in distress bec,tisa OF the seriogg
illness of an actor who was to fill IL part In
new American comedy that the manager
sya5 iG produce on the next night.
What on es,rti. FEsl! ! dor he asked.
play the part yourself, rs IHoyl does Ii.
such an emergency-or get Newgag.
tWhese %ewgags'
.fies a friend Of misle ont of position
met him today very much frayed."
Firing him to me-
Newgag was overwhelmed! when | told