The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-08-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Not enough to go around-A semi
circle.--Lifc.
You cannot hatch ideas by sitting on
goose eggs.-Dallas News.
A baseball maxim-A run in time
saves a nine.-Boston Transcript.
If poor relatives had their way they
would not have rich uncles very long
Dallas News.
Young man, no one may be able to tell
your fortune, but you can work it out
for yourself.-Troy Press. -
You can't tell how much money man
has in his pocketbook by the size of the
strap around it.-Ram's Horn.
Watts-"Did your barber shut up on
Sundays" Potts-"No. He merely closed
the shop. ."-Indianapolis Journal.
The summer girl asks the same ques-
tions at baseball games this season as she
did last year.-Boston Transcript.
The dog that loses his master it with.
out friend, and so are some men when
they lose dog.-Binghamton Rcpub-
lican.
A baby born in Ohio is without hands.
When he grows up he will be able to
sweep his town 70: the office of Treas
urer.-Philadelphia Ledger.
A man always knows what he would
have done in another fellows place, but
the other fellow doesn't alw Us believe
it.-Louisville Courier Journal.
Mamma--"Don't you know that your
father is the mainstay of the family"
Freddy-"Golly, amt he, though! And
the spanker, too. ."-Brooklyn Life.
Miss Antique-"Won't your mother
go with us9" Miss Rosebud-'No, she
says she doesn't think she is old enough
to chaperon you, dear. detroit Free
Press.
"Oh, dear!" sighed Henry, whose
clothes are all made of his papa's old
ones, "papa's had his mustache shaved
off, an suppose I've got to wear it
now."-Tid-Bits.
Fidgety Lady--"But what am to
dol l cant ride with my back to the
engine" " Sarcastic Youth--"Better
speak to the guard. He'll turn the train
around. ."-rd-Bits.
Train Conductor-"Alla aboard. Hurry
up, miss, if you are going by this train.
Little Girl-"Just minute, till kiss
mamma" Conductor-"Jump aboard |;
I'll attend to that. "-Oakland Echoes.
Billy the Beau-"Anything new in
engagement rings?' Jeweler-"Yes; (;
our new Seaside plated goods are cheap,
and are warranted to out-wear any sum-
lner resort engagement" - jewelers.
Weekly.
Hostess-"What has become of Sandy
Smith, who stood so higs in your cassl"
Alumnus-"Oh, he's taken orders.r
Hostess-"He's in the ministry, then"
Alumnus-''No; in restaurant. -
Brooklyn Life.
Friend-"poes your son belong to the
old or the new school2' Old Lady
(whose son is a physician -"Oh, he
doesn't belong to any school at all now;
he's been graduated for two years. -
Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Watts Mary Ann, these balus-
ters seem always dusty. | was at MIs.
Johuson's to-day, and her stair rails are
clean and as smooth as glass" Mary
Ann-''His, mem. She has tree schmall
boys. indianapolis journal.
"If you like" said the young mau at
the desk, "I'll have your poem sub
mitted to the editor" NO." she
answered positively, "I'll read it aloud
to him. prefer to have the editor sub
mitted to the poem. "-Washington Star.
81 tod you yesterday l would not
marry you,' said she. ''I know it,"
sand he. "That is why ask you again
to-day. You would not be so acking
in originality, hopc,os to repeat to-day
what you said yesterday" - Hurper's
Bazaar.
Judge-''You stole the pocket.book,
but how is it that you did not appropri-
ate the watch lying by the side o. itl"
Prisoner-"You don & mean to say | was
as daft as that's ! couldn't have noticed
it. You must excuse me, Judgc"-
Texas Siftiugs.
He-'I thought the bride and groom
were going TO start right off ON their
wedding trip, instead Of waiting" She
They were. But she had to change
her wedding dress Tor travelling gown,
and they didn't get started until the next
day, Cloak Review.
Miss Pinkerly--"lou act as if you were
uncomfortable, Mr.. Tutter." Mr.. Tutter
Yes, Miss Pnkorly, the fact is, l
have rever been able to get % dress suit
to ft me-" Miss Pnkerly-"Perhaps
!on don't get there early enough. -
Clothier and Furmshcr.