The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-05-12
HUMOROUS.

-''Sold out, - he murmured to himself
as the father Of his best girl gave him a
lift at two o'clock in the morning.
Burlington Press.
-Auntie-'}ohnny, you never hear
your papa use such language" Johnny
mo; and l tnlSe mighty good care that
he doesn't hear me-
--Saidso-" Your wife doesn't look a
minute older than she did ten years
ago" Hicks" According to her Stats.
ties she isn't -Tit-BitS.
--"You are the world to me, he whis-
pered. IAN right" she answered.
"You can be the sun. I'm going to
marry your fa Shcr. IN. Y. Herald.
Patient Then, doctor, you do not
feel any anxiety regarding my case?"
"None at all. If did I would ask you
to settle the b. II at once. lie Figaro.
Did you ever hear of such bad
luck? The other day lost my right fur
glove. Of course threw away the left
had no use for it--and here l have Just
found the right one again. ''-Fliegende
Blatter.
Father, she said. don't you think
we need some new gas burners?' NO."
he answered, positively. THAT young
man that comes to see you every even
ing is a gas burner that's enough and
to spare. "-Washington Star.
The Likeness That Failed.-Dobber
displaying portrait of Miss Snodgrass)
There, sir, don't you think that is a
speaking likeness?' Snodgrass-''H Hard
ly. There's too much repose about the
mouth. Detroit Free Press.
One of the Two Will Golf Jones
pays me what he owes me, shall 60 to
Europe this summer And if Jones
doesn't pay you what he owes your
well, it will probably be Jones that
will go to Europe. IN. Y. Press.
Reason Enough -''Why
in the world do you want Jaysmith
nominated? He owes you one hundred
dollars Maddox-"That's it exactly.
When he's a candidate he won't dare
refuse to pay it. Detroit Free Press.
Things One Would Rather Have
Left Unsaid.-To our NJ. p. who rather
fancies himself great political force in
the house (day before the meeting of
parliament) -''Well, Mr.. Binks! and
what brings you up to tosvn?"-Punch.
--Saidso-''I understand that Beetiat
is in society at last" Herdso-'.I don't
know that he is absolutely in it; but he
has got to the point where he pretends
not to care about seeing his name in the
s--NYr,ifh e. - g
-Baggs-"A funny thing happened
to me the other evening. l talked to a
lady half an hour, thinking it was nv
wife" Jag7s-''Well, that is funny
How in the world did it ha,.pen?'
Baggs- it was my wife. IN. Y
Tribune.
Rector Black-'I was glad to see
you in church yesterday morning What
did you think of my exordium and
peroration?' Mr.. Easy-'Pretty good.
but" Rector BlaclS-''But what?'
Mr.. Easy-''But they were just a little
too far part. Boston Budget.
Papa II understand, daughter,
that new sutton of yours is base ball
celebrity?' Daughter-"Yes. papa, he
is the greatest short stop in the coun-
try" Papa-"Short stop. eh? Well, 1
hope he will remember his speciality
when he calls on you. Boston Courier.
The Boston Girls Version-Bloo-
bumper Pere-"Amy, who is this Mr..
Wacker who calls on you SO frequent
ly?' Amy-'He's political physician,
pa" What on earth is that?' 'Idon't
know. lheard brother Jack say he was
ward heller. Smith, Gray & Co. s
Monthly.
--Judge-"As it has been clearly
shown that you are not identical with
the person charged with the robbery.
the court declares that you are &C
quilted. There has been an unfor-
tunate mistake, but be careful for the
future, mind! Next time you won't get
off 90 easily."-Dorfbarbier.