The record-union., 1892-04-22
"A HOLY SHOW"
His Opinion OF Society wedding in
Church.


Church.
She-Therel l told you so! I knew
we'd be late and get stuffed in the side
aisles way back here.
| She-Well, l don't care, anyhow. It
can't be much of wedding with such
people. / wish / hadn't come, for ii there
is anything L detest it is getting an invi-
! tation to the church and not TO the recep-
ton. 1t savors of an insult, that's what
it does.
He-Then what on earth did you come
! for?
! She (serenely)-To see the show.
1nterlude, IN which the ushers prance
/ up the aisle with elderly ladies and gig
/ Cling girls hanging on their arms. The
/ front pews, reserved for reception guests,
| gradually fill up with red-armed old
I ladies' whose gloves are TOO short, and
! DuXom matronS whose charms have out
! grown their bodices. The organist plays
Schuberts ''Serenade' over and over
| again IN a nervous manner. Every one
! glanceS at the clock on the rear gallery
until the assemblage literally has its head
! turned.
She (tragicallyl-Do you suppose any
thing has happened? Perhaps he has
| failed at the last moment.
! lie tsavagely)-Don't be a fool, Anna
! What IN thunder have you done to my
gloves?
She-Oh, yes; 1 forgot to tell you about
that. L put them in my pocket yester-
day so | wouldn't forget TO sew the but
tons on, and L bad some peaches in the
same pocket, and
| He-Sat down on them. Just like a
! She-Here they come! | am sick of
that Lohengrins march. Goodness!
what a homeIy set of ushers Say, Harry,
who is that blonde one?
He--Ihe nearer one. That's Smith.
| She-No, the other one-no, not that
one-the other-oh! you stupid
! He-What's them things with baskets
! ornaments Oft the wedding cake?
She-They're flower girls, and there's
the maid OF honor; look at the way she
carries her shoulders. She looks like a
| hunchback.
Chorus OF repressed vosces-There's the
| bridei
| Divers voices in whispers-Look at her
Wlggle along. Easy to see she's never
| been accustomed TO "a train. Well, if a
wedding-veil can't be the most unbecom-
ing thing in the world, anyway, when its
| poked on sol See, the wreath has gotten
over one Of her ears. Wonder if that lace
is real? No, trust her for that But she
wears his gift. guess; those diamonds
| look splendid. Only you can't tell rhine
stones from brllliantS in this light. It's
easy 10 fool the public, Shl They're at
the altar. My | wish l could see. II,
Albert, take thee, Sophie -" Good
gracious! is the man going to cry -
| with all my worldly goods [ thee en-
dow" Now, that's what | call funny.
be hasn't cent, and everybody knows
he's marrying her for her money. Here
they come. / declare, the organist is play
ing that everlasting ''Lohengrin" again.
Wonder if he knows anything else?
He-I don't see how he ever managed
to kiss the bride without hitting her
nose. Lord. but she's homely.
| She-I declare, there's Mrs. Mason
with the same checked silk she wore
! when Arthur was married. It's been
/ turned, and the side seams of the waist
| let out, but, dear me, any body can see it's
| the same old dress. And there's Tobias
Hitchings' wife with her last summers
bonnet on. The idea of coming to we'd
ding like that. She is a perfect scare
! crow.
She (sweetly to the officiating min
ister)-Yes, Mr.. Chasuble, | was lust
saying to Harry here that L didn't know
when had been to so pretty a wedding,
| or one I'd enjoyed SO much. L do love
wedding in church. It's so different,
so sacred, and all that, you know.
He Ito himself)-A holy show Chi