Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-06-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A whaling outht-Ihe birch rod.
The bacillus has become famous for his
i'll nature.-Boston Transcript.
When one jumps at conclusion he
rarely reaches it.-Dallas News.
If you want to keep up with the times
you must go slow.--Dallas News.
1t is unknd to refer to the choir boy
as note haver.-Washlngton Star.
The least overworked institution in
this country is the Office that seeks the
man.-Life.
Money is not exactly a religious article,
but still it has denomination of its
own.-Rochester News.
The man who points out our faults tn
us is true friend; but we feel like kick
ing him just the same.-Puck.
1t is not every bicycle rider who can
lower the record, but it is poor bicycle
that cannot lower the rider. Truth.
Waiter-"Will you have salt on your
eggsa" Guest-''No, thank you.
They're not at all fresh. Pick Nc Up.
If you have rowed against the tide,
If you have nothing left but pride
The landlords sure to raise the rent.
Said Franklin, "He who takes wife
takes care" Therefore, my son, take
care and do not take a wife. Boston
Transcript.
Mrs. Enpec-"You cannot say l did
the courting; you were crazy to marry
me-" Enpec III must have been.-a
gibbering lunatic. New York Herald.
The rooster now his rival hunts
With crow and proud parade
He quit forgets his mother once
Laid him in The shade.
Truth
There is no perfect state in this world.
While the poor man has no food for his
stomach it often happens that the rich
man has no stomach for his food.-Bos
ton Transcript.
Person in Authority-"And how do
You like going to school, boyf' The
Coming Mani like goin' we'll nulf;
it's tie sto .,pn' wen l gets there hol
lers at."-Fun.
Dressmaker-"Miss Fussbudget, will
you have your dress cut with train}"
Miss Fussbudget-"Yes; but for good.
aesss sakes have it an accommodation.
Springfield Union.
Primus-"They didn't think my
speech was cut and dried, did theys"
Secundus-"No; they wouldn't possibly
think any of it had been cut. Kate
Fields Washington.
Dicker--'I am told that Wahl is Il
very different man IN h,s family than on
the street." Bond-"Yes; Mrs. Wahl says
he's a bull on the street and bear at
home. New York Herald.
He wrote weather poem.
Full of sentiment and wit,
And the weather promptly shitted,
So the poem wouldn't fit.
Washington Star.
II > amusing to watch man working
his head OF TO save money TO buy u
home, while another who owns home,
is trying TO sell 1t A. a sacrifice in or 'er
to save money by boarding.-Prck.
Bachelor--"say, Heupeeque, as your
wife is away let. go to lectuiA to-
night" Benedict (shuddering)-"No,
thanks; prefer chanl G from my usual
domestic routine. Its go TO deaf
aud dumb asylum. New YORK our
nal.
He-"Do you e~er mean 10 -larr."
She-''Perhaps n. some time" He
-''Have you ?iade up your minG Win
the man will pel" She-"Me,eyl nol"
He-"still you th.h< yoall mary
somebody some timei" sae-"I m..y.'
lie desperately wl'sts the
matter with mei'-Somer'ille Jolrnal.
A dissipated C'l man applied at the
Quariermaster office Ia san Antoelo,
Texas, for position as clerk. DO fon
kl ow anything about general manage
ment of the object" asked the officer.
''Do | know any,hin about General
Management shouli smile. knew
him when he was Lieutenant. "--fexas
Siitinrs.
she sits her down ai,d ita muaA care
Proeesss 10 scan tns hlll of fare,
she reads u up .hs read lt dewn,
Aud heeiless Il the wA',et's frown,
she gently sigts AMI turns Il o'er
AaI II she tho sht lhere ~ All b. more
Aud then ex lAlms. Please hing a. nis
i a Of a..