davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
- -,-----
UNEXPECTED ANSWERS.

Rare Specimens of Repartee Gathered
from Many Sources.
Unexpected answers nave been given by
others than children or ~uneducated people.
Lord Houghton relates an anecdote OF a
lady friend who was somewhat famous for
this kind of retort. An acquaintance was
lamenting over the sad fate of a relative
who had made an unfortunate marriage,
and concluded: "What would you do in
such a case? / am sure l should die"
mo, | should kill" was the brisk %rejoin-
der.
One of the most startlingly unanticipat-
ed replies on record was that of the "Moth-
er's help" a young lady versed in all pres
ent day female attachments, who, in reply
to the address, 81 want a person of some
experience in the nursery; do you know
much about children?" cheerfully retorted,
ooh, dear, yes; Tve desected a baby"
Kindly people who attempt to pay COM
pliments are often rebuffed by unexpected
replies. Sir Walter Scott tells of a good
natured minister who complimented an
old Highlander on his extraordinary mem
DRY. Eyes, but | only remember things
here and there; things that take my
fancy" said the old Gael. "Why sir, il
you were to preach to me for IN hour
should not remember a word of it next
day"
"Do you know, Johnny, / am often
afraid I shall never meet you in heaven
said a Sunday school teacherto a rebellious
urchin. "Lor, miss, whatever bad things
have you been a-doin Off" retorted the
scandalized Johnny.
There are some occasions on which 1T Is
gratifying to hear an unexpected reply.
Nothing is more irritating han to con.
verse with a person who knows exactly"
what his companion is about to say, and
who "takes the words out of his mouth
with eXasperating readiness. The Ameri-
can poet has satiriZed this description OF
speaker in his account of how IAN aged
man" calls on a devoted adherent of the
north during the civil war and commences,
Il was with Grant" "Say no more
cries the eager host, forcing hospitality
and honors upon the supposed companion
in arms of the Federal leader. The visitor
vainly struggles tocomplete his sentence,
but only after a banquet and an ovation Is
he permitted to finish, 81 was with Grant
in Illinois three years before the war"
Many an interesting illusion has beer
shattered by an unexpected answer. \
partv of tourists at a well known ruiz
asked the custodian if they might carry
away some of the fragments of stone
which were lying in the embrasure O
an historic window. ooh, dear, yes
was the reply; cit does 40 harm to The
window. | put fresh bits there every day
on purpose4or visitors to take" Equally
disappointing was the reply of the famou:
chef who, when bribed to reveal his secre
for roasting a turbot," coolly replied
vel, sare, | no roast him at all; put hin
in de oven and bake him. "-London Stand
ard.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
HumOrs of SiCnbOards,

The humors Of signboards might
fill a chapter by itself. Such humor
is sometimes intentional and some
times not; in the latter case not in
frequently all the more amusing.
The very diversity of tongues repre-
sented tends to lead to blunders. In
a cosmopolitan city like New York,
numerous signs can be found in Ger
man, French, Italian, Polish, He
brew, Chinese, Japanese and various
other languages, most of them in the
different quarters occupied by those
nationalities. A mixing up OF two
languages occurs at times, and we
find signs that read Bier & Wines"
or "Sommergarden." The "etc Ill
Soda Water & ETC." looks rather
suggestive, and a reversed N W or
S Isl is not a very uncommon sight,
although it will be passed unnoticed
by many. Wrong spelling, Or an
omission or transposition of letters,
NAV also cause a smile. "Piegon
Holes" appeared on a sign on Broad
way, near Worth, and ''Excluvisely"
remained for years unnoticed on the
signboard of prominent firm.-New
York Times.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20

jaws working like fast flying shear
blades. The rabbit is cut in pieces,
snapped up and eaten, and then an
other weird reveille is sounded and
another jack is started up; and thus
they go for two or three hours some
times, until the hunger of all is ap-
peased.
This hunting IN troops enables each
of the brigade of coyotes to get a
good meal. If but one of the coyotes
were to start after the rapidly flying
jack he would become quickly wind
ed without affecting the jack what
ever; but with relays of coyotes, and
n always to take up the chase when
the other is tired. victory sool perches
on their banner.
The coyote army is most scientific
ally generated. The conmander-in-
chief, a veteran Of the c,,asc, usually
sits on some slight c.ninecce, his
lieutenant and aids being in full view
to repeat his orders.
Never was there q better Gr:iled
army than this of the coyotes. What
they don't know about m~aceuycrilg.
ambuscades and tho t@ctic3 Of the
field generally it viii tal-c q long
time to find out. | have studied
them much. 1t is one of the most
interesting sights Of the desert to see
the marshaling of the coyotes at the
sounding of the weird reveille and
watch their capture Of tho rabbits
Colonel Joseph Grandelmycr.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
CorOt and Daubigny.

We readily associate the names of
Corot and Daubigny, and with rea-
son. Notwithstanding the twenty
years seniority of the former artist
they were intimate friends, sharing
many similar aspirations in art,
while each still preserved his distinct
individuality. Corot was more sub
jective, tingeing his works with his
own peculiar poetic fancy. Daubig-
ny, on the other hand, gave himself
up more to the impression of the
moment, endeavoring to express the
local qualities OF form and color i'll
all their brilliancy and freshness.
He did not reach perfection of style
at the beginning of his career, but
through most devoted study, guided
by the native strength and origi-
nality of his views; nor did this high
epoch of landscape art come hastily
or accidentally, but was made pos
sible by the united efforts of many
men and minds working together
during the first half of our century.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
PAPA WAS {

Ana "heh Reginald Came lie Was l.e-
eeived with Open Arms.
Mr.. Daniel Charters is one of the best
farmers IN Essex. lie is a good father,
ana since a recent episode he has been rec
ognized as 4 clever amateur detective.
For some reason or other his fair young
daughter favored the attentions of a young
man. and she chose to keep the fact a Sc
cret.
Her papa, in his quiet way. allowed the
usual mount of hayseed to remain in his
hair while he got all the facts in the case
of his daughters secret love affair. Then
he Kept a secret eye on her, and thus dis
covered that they were to elope ON a GER
tain night.
Accordingly, rs darkness came on, he
took a seat at the window just under that
of his daughters room. She had been par
ticularly lively that day, and so had her
father. She laughed and joked with him a
good deal, and he in turn laughed and
joked with her.
The shades of evening came and the
moOnbeams fell athwart the potato patch.
Afar in the woods the owl hoOted and
across the sky some dark clouds scooted.
Up the lane came Reginald Vane, and he
paused at midnight beneath the window
of his rural sweetheart.
The old man reclined on the floor near
the window under which the elOper was
crouching. While in the state of crouch
the young man was seized with fear and a
horny hand, which shut off his breath.
Then the gallant f1oated in at the window
head first, accompanied by Il few moths
and a hand firmly attached to the upper
story back of his trousers.
The farmer then gave the young man
into the charge of his son and got outside
the window. He had just got outside, and
crouched well down, when he heard his
daughters window gently open. Then he
heard her say:
Reginald, dear, is that your"
Yes, darling, Reggie is here. Hasten
before the old man wakes and catches u.s."
replied her papa, in a hoarse whisper.
"Well, here, catch this" said the daugh-
ter, casting out Il bag.
"All right" said her papa, catching it.
Nov what shall l do2"
"Just hang by your arm and drop. 1t
won't hurt you, dear
Yes, | will. But you must look the
other way"
"All right, | will"
She dropped into her fathers arms,
screamed and then they went into the
house. The father asked for an intro
duction to the prisoner, and then fixed him
so firmly in a rain barrel full of water
that he remained there the rest of the
night and a portion of the next day.
Neighbors were brought over to look at
him while he was ON exhibition in the
rain barrel, and at noon Il photographer
appeared and took his photograph. The
eloper was her released and allowed to
leave the farm in peace.
The daughter is still on the farm max
ing cheese. Yankee Blade.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
A Mad Horse.

There are a number Of stories
about the fury of horses Oh the bat
tlefield and occasionally they seem
to go mad. One instance of this was
an Arabian horse at Balaklava,
which rushed at an English soldier
who happened to be drawing water,
seized him in his mouth and threw
him down, and then, kneeling upon
him, tore at his breast and actually
bit off his hand. Before this terror
could be subdued he bit off another
soldiers finger and seriously injured
the veterinary surgeon of tie regi-
ment. There was no battle liz prog
ress on the occasion, but it is highly
probable that a military life and the
attendant excitement had driven the
horse ~crazy.-Washington Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
Tellin. the Time of Night by the Clipper.

Telling the Time of Night by the Clipper"
A fairly reliable time Indicator, it
is stated, can be found in the north
ern skies on every cloudless night.
AS is generally known, the group OF
fixed stars called the clipper makes
an apparent revolution around the
north star in every t%wenty-four
hours, with the two stars forming
the outer elevation of the bowl of
the dipper pointing nearly directly
to the polar star continuously; if,
therefore, the position of the point
ers' is taken at any given hour, say
6 o'clock in the evening in winter
time. and as soon as it is dark in the
summer, the hours a thereafter be
pretty accurately measured by the
eye during the night.
Frequent observations of position
will have to be made at the given
hour, as, owing to the constant
changing of the earth's position in
space. the position of the pointers
in relation to ones point of observa
ton and the star also change. In
this way observations taken during
a year and impressed Oh the mind
make a very fair time Indicator OF
that part of celestial space.-New
York SIM.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
Pretty Bad.

One evening, at tho Grand Opera
house in Gloversville, Miss Osborne's
Grand Metropolitan company" OF
which no one had ever heard, played
a horrible piece, o%stensibly by Sar
dou, Of which probably Sardou had
never heard. Next to a burly ma
tive, who was painfully absorbed in
the tragedy, sat q New York drum
mer, who could understand very lit
tie on account Of the poor architec.
ture of the house.
Turning to his neighbor, the drum
mer remarked, II find the acoustics
very bad, don't you?" Yes, it is
rather bad tonight" he replied, sniff
ing the air; you e it comes from
the tanneries in the neighborhood
In hot weather the smell is worse
than at other times" He again
turned his attention to the stage and
left the drummer to his reflections
New York Sun.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20

horses, enough to set up the CONT
nent with cavalry or tame cattle for
its commissaliat, could be raised,
vast alluvial plains, well watered,
utterly untouched by industry, yet
capable of bearing grain and fruit
enough to supply half Europe
wheat, oranges, lemons, Indian corn,
sugar, grapes, olives, dates, bananas
and every kind of vegetable. I see
a great navigable river, the Lebon.
down which all this produce might
be foated, between Fee and the sea-
coast, for rapid export. Not a steam
pillow, or a harrow, or a thrashing
machine will the sultan permit; not
a square foot will he sell; not a
steamer or trading boat may ply
upon rivers which should be at once
the boundaries of teeming and pros
porous provinces and the arteries of
cosmopolitan commerce. Fortnight
lv Review.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
The Echo of a Kiss.

The following interesting table of stats
tics is believed to possess a true scientific
accuracy. 1t appears to be the record OF a
drummer, and may be considered autheE-
tic. He gave it the title which we have
retained, meaning, apparently, what each
girl said:
Boston Girl-Mr. Bunkerill, your con
duct shocks me beyond utterance.
New York Girl-Thanks, &wfully, don't
you know.
Providence Girl-Oh, mamma!
Philadelphia Girl-Are you sure nobody
saw us?
Baltimore Girl-Dear George.
Washington Girl-Well, ] suppose I'll
have to pardon you.
Pittsburg Girl-Oh, Harry.
Cincinnati Girl-What bad form!
indianapolis Girl-Ah, there!
Chicago Girl-More! More!
Detroit Girl-Well, declare!
Louisville Girl-Yum, yum!
St. Louis Girl-How shocking!
Nashville Girl-Oo! 90!
Atlanta Girl-Golly!'
New Orleans Girl-Oh, my!
Kansas City Girl-Break away, therel
Denver Girl-Gosh!
San Francisco Girl-Rats!
Texas Girl-Whoop la!
Every Girl-Oh, don't!-New York Sun.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
A Mule That Didn't Like Il Pipe.

A great many animals enjoy to-
bacco smoke, for beasts + much
like men and differ essentially in
their tastes just as men do. But
dogs and cats are not among the
number of those that relish tobacco,
for either will generally take a VIC
lent fit of coughing or sneezing when
smoke is blown in their faces, anC
sometimes they seem to become very
sick at the smell. Many horses,
however, appear to enjoy the odor
of a good cigar as much as men do,
and some mules r passionately
fond of tobacco. 1t is not safe, how
ever, to experiment with a mules
taste. A friend of mine blew a cloud
of smoke from his pipe into the nos
trils of a mule, and the insulted beast
changed ends as quick as thought
and would have Drained him on the
spot had he not saved himself by
falling PROSTATE. The next time he
tries tobacco smoke on a mule he
will tie the beast.-St. Louis Globe
Democrat.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
First Used for Sun.

1t is probable that the umbrella,
instead of being the child Of the par
asol, is it's great-grandfather, for
everything indicates that it was first
used as a sun guard, and later on as
a rain guard. AS soon as it was
found to be available in wet weather
as well as in sunshine it branched
off, and, 10! the parasol was born.
The French have their parapluies and
ombrelle and their parasole; the Ger
mans have their regenschirm and
their sonnenschirm. It is believed
that Italy was the first European
country to adopt those conveniences
which were first used as parasols,
and after as umbrellas, until both
were manufactured detroit Free
Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
COYOTE STRATEGY.
How the Tawny Army of Hungry Brutes
Captures Its Prey.

How the Tawny Army of Hungry Brutea
Captures Its Prey.
In the dim light of the early morn
ing in certain parts of the Humboldt,
Peranegat, Mason and other valleys
may be seen a queer tawny army,
marshaled in some places by dozens
and in others by scores. The army
is called together by a reveille, and
soon thereafter the strange music
which breaks the stiffness of the
desert swells into a chorus partici-
pated in by all the members of the
tawny troop.
1t is the gathering of the coyotes,
and they 7 out, their appetites
sharpened by the crisp air, to gain
their regular breakfast of jerked
jack rabbit meat. There is a shifting
among the sage and greasewood by
the avant courriers of the sharp
toothed brigade. Meantime all the
others have been deployed in such a
manner that when a fleet footed jack
has been raised from his lair he is
passed on and on. The coyotes usually
arrange themselves in the form of a
long ellipse. Thus the jack, how
ever large and strong, and whether
feet as the wind, is sure to at last
weary himself.
He cannot get out, for a willy coyote
at every turn checks him and keeps
him in the ellipse and in the lead of
his pursuer. When the coyote in
pursuit tires, another, fresh as the air
Of the morning, takes up the chase.
Thus an untiring Nemesis is always
after him, and in due time the tired,
painting rabbit fails a preyto the vel
low troop.
At the death they all rush in, their
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
Notice of Assessment.

|. X. l.. CONSOLIDATED. Mines anu
Works at Neihart, Meagher County,
Montana.
Notice is hereby given that at a meet
ING of the Trutees of said Company held
on the Goth day of July, 1892, an assess
ment of one and one-half az cents per
share was levied upon the capital stock
of said company, payable on or before
July 2Sth 1892 to Frank B. Wilcox, the
Treasurer of said Company, at his office
in the city of Great Falls, Montana.
Any stock upon which said assessment
shall remain unpaid on the 23rd day Of
August, 1892, shall be deemed delin-
quent and shall he duly advertised for
sale at public auction and unless pay
ment shall be made before, will be sold
OF the 9th day of September to pay the
delinquent assessment, together with
costs of advertising and expenses of sale.
1888 FRANK b. WILCOX, Secretary.
Great Falls, Montana, July 81, 1892.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
zEPHYRs.

Adam was the first man to sell a race
Texas Siftings.
Don't speak lightly Of the graduate; he
knows Il great deal TINT you have forgotten.
-Elmira Gazette.
A Dublin doctor lately sent in II bill to a
lady which ran thus, '"Tc curing your hus-
band till he died. "-pos:on Globe.
"A gentleman" said tie philosopher, "a
true gentleman may be defined as n man
who can buy another man Il cigar without
wondering whether the other man will
ever return the compliment. "-Indianap-
oils Journal.
There is a sign on the entrance to d
cemetery at North Wales, Montgomery
county, which reads. mo admittance ex-
cept on business. "-Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Van Cruger-It strikes me. my
dear, that flirting has become almost q
science. 1t reminds me much Of chess.
Edith Theodora-Yes, mamma, that's So
You can't get along without the men. you
know.-Boston Budget.
Wholesale Jeweler-You say you've had
experience as a diamond dealer? Applicant
Yes; | used to run a faro bank.-Jewelers
Weekly.
81 ought to study photography" unused
the seaside young man who had proposed
again. II really ought. l can develop
more negatives in a given time than any
body I know of."-Washington Star.
The chief of a tribe of North American
Indians goes by the name of T~he-man-whc
MISUNDERSTANDING the wind behind
him. A name like that would certainly
look well on a visiting ard.-Intransigeant
Life is short-only four letters in il
Th%ree-quarters of it is a "lie," and half Of
it an "if."-Music and Drama.
"Mercy!'' exclaimed Mrs. Homcspun
when she read in the paper that Jay Goult
made ten cents every time the clock licked
II should think he'd be worried to death
for fear the clock would run down."-Bos
ton Transcript.
The average man devotes his engage
ment to wishing he was rich enough t.
have u nice home for his wife and in spend
ing what money he has OF nonsense fol
her.-Atchison Globe.
"No," said Mrs. De Porque, W DOM
mind expense when it comes to our library
Some of the books, | am informed, are
printed from diamond type."-Washingtor
Star.
When you open Il window on Il railway
train the first thing to catch your eye is {
cinder.-Boston Bulletin.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
The Average Woman

She may know a little bit of ev'ry science in
creation:
She may know the tricks of tradesfolk and the
art of stimulation,
Read your future with the aid of chirosophic
divination,
Write an idSl. solve a riddle or deliver ar
Grafton.
She may speak each language spoken either
side of the equator,
And of Hebrew, Simian, Sanscrit be a Won
derful translator:
Tell you in an optic twinkling any scholars
alma mater,
Drive q tandem, quote at random, play the
role of commentator.
May know ev'ry constellation that begems the
empyrean,
And the digest governmental of the festival
Fijian,
Or the ne'er completed pattern of the web
PenelOpean;
Play s%onatas, sing cantatas-do tasks ultra
herculean.
She may cram her precious head with legal
knowledge o~verfull,
And get herself admitted to the bar:
But, by the rood! she doesn't know which strap
she ought to pull
When sue wants to stop a car!
Edward w. Barnard.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
Changes in Pronunciation.

Pronunciation is slowly but stead
lily changing. Sometimes it is going
further and further away from the
photography; for example, either
and neither are getting more and
more to have in their first syllable
the long i sound instead of the long
e sound which they had once. Some
times it is being modified to agree
with the photography; for example,
the older pronunciations of again to
rhyme with men, and of been to
rhyme with pin, in which 1 was
carefully trained as a boy, seem to
me to be giving way before a pro-
nunciation in exact accord with the
spelling, again to rhyme with pain
and been to rhyme with seen. These
two illustrations are from the neces-
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1892-08-20
No. 3,144.
Application for Patent.
L. S. Land Office. Helena, Montana,

L. ;. Land Office. Helena, Montana,
July %, 1892.
Notice is hereby given, that the Snow Creek
Mining and TOWNSHIP Company, by its attorney
in fact, Frank B; Wilcox, whose post. office
filed application for a patent, under the mining
laws of Congress, for 1924 and 1131.3 linear
feet respectively of the Silver Knight Templar and
Valentine lodes, designated as Surveys Nos. 81
sos. and 1907, situated in Montana (unorgan-
ized) Mining District, Meagher county Mon
tana, in unsurveyed township IA n range 8 or
9 E, which claim is recorded in the office of
the Recorder of Meagher County, at White
Sulphur Springs, Montana, and described as fol
flows
Said Survey No. 1896, beginning at Corner No
|, from which the Initial point No. 3, I Ia \
X 8 or 9 E bears S AZ degrees, "a minutes Z.
1887 feet; Thence N / degree. 81 minutes
E 1884 feet to Corner number 2; Theuce N 81
degrees 35 minutes W 1854 feet to corner mum.
Der B; Thence s IS degrees, SO minutes W 4O
feet to Corner number 4; Thence S 0 degree 06
minutes E 1888 feet to corner number 8; thence
S rs degrees 70 minutes E glib feet to corner
number 6; Thence N So degrees, 81 minutes L
3O3.7 feet to corner number l the place of begin
ming, containing 1000 acres.
VALENTINE LODE, SUR. No. 1907.
BEGINNING at corner number / from which
Initial point number 3 7 ii N r 8 or 9 E bears
s AZ degrees 10 minutes Z 7,195 feet; Thence N
70 degrees 80 minutes w 356 feet to corner number
2: Thence N l degree OF minutes w 24 feet to
corner number 3: Thence N l degree q min
utes E 1854 feet to corner number 4; Thence
s 73 degrees 80 minutes E 1913 feet to corner
number 5; Thence S 33 degrees Al w 1858 feet
to corner number 6; Thence N IS degrees q
minutes w 5O,7 feet to corner number Z;
Thence S ID degrees q minutes E. 1857 feet
to corner number l, the place of beginning,
containing, 4.6l acres, embracing l5$ acres,
upon which a notice of said application was
posted the 23rd day of July, 1882.
The adjoining claims to these premises on
the northwest, of the Silver Knight Templar
Lode, the Angus lode, (nnsurveyed): on the
east of the Valentine Lode, the Amathyst lode.
survey number 3449. Also on the east the
Snow Creek Valley Lode, survey number S4S1.
s. A. SWIGGETT,
36-45 Register.