Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1892-12-01
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WIT AND HUMOR.
80 oF 80.

'N I'll you ne MY WtEts sttl liC.
OH oi're Just sIeer nonsense" she laughed
You were Mt cut out for me!a
There is nothing mere esetenfious
than the capital I.-Gairestou Aeus.
Young man, make a note of this.
/ rass widows are not green Teas
Sjtungs.
Tie self-made man is frequently ex-
ccedingly proud of a very poor Job
Teas S.ttU19S.
After all, the best amatear actor Is
the one who pretends to enjoy a piano
recital. -E'DIira Gazette.
A man who lives fast cannot expect
that enjoyment wiil keep up with him.
-BiRqiamt0R Republican.
Some people think that time is not
Going well with them when they can.
not get any tick.-htHadeipAia Tines.
First Political Campaiguer -@Terri-
ble dull. isn't il?" Second z. c.
"Yes; let's holler fraud. Washington
Star.
as he qui"k-tcmpcrede" Quick
tempered? Why his temper breaks
three records every day."-BaGdo En-.
press.
How soon the millennium would
come if the good things people intend
TO do tomorrow were only done to.
day,-RgDt'S torn.
The big guns" at a banquet are
those who are tired with eloqaence SO
as to produce reports In the newspa-
pers.- washington Star
"The good die early" This axiom
| cannot apply to many ~clergymen, who
| are not only good but accustomed to
| di-late.-B Boston TRANSCRIPT.
81 am inclined to think" said the
pig which had been taken in off the
nasture. chat the pen is far better
than the var d."-h1dsdaapotis JOUR
nat.
Mrs. Hicks-"What possessed Column
bus to go sailing about trying to lind
a new world2" Hicks-"i don't know;
he wasn't a married mann. L. Hi-
aid.
The women are now permitted to
vote on the Isle of8ian and viii prob
ably change the rame of the place If
thew can muster a majority.-Dattqs
Ne1Cs.
A capital and cheap form of life IN
surarce that may be commended 10
sportsmen IS cot 10 climb a fence with
a gun at full cock. - Philadelphia
Times.
aBlickin's wife. he tells me, was won
by his exquisite dancing" Yes; and
she has kept him dancing around at a
lively rate ever since."-L1dtdadpotis
Journat.
Retrogressire progress is the back
. ward search through life which many
n mau makes in quest of things he has
shrown over his shoulder.-0d Cay
Blizzard.
Gus-"It doesn't pay to get tight,
jim" Jim-"No; | wish it did. Id
] have made enough money last night to
ret tight on again."-SWai, Gray q
: Co.'S Ii0nLbiy.
} He-.Now. I admit that / am no
J angel" Shc-"No? SO that was not
: what papa meant when he said you
were something of high flyer."-Ia-
; didHdpotSs J0aTea1.
Ue--~When | marry | shall choose a
woman who takes me for what | am"
! Shelf she marrieS you it will be be-
> cause she takes yoI for what You are
not."-N. Y. Herald.
Did you ever go to a military ball''
4 asked a lisPing maid OF a one-leggel
veteran. Mo, my dear" growlei the
y old soldier, 81 once had Il military bail
e come to mo."-TJt-B BIS.
Miss Pruyn-"I won Ter when this idea
of marrying a man TO get rid Of him
G ~orivinated." Miss Vernon (weariiy)
ABOUT the time clubs were instituted,
I'm siIre."-Oscg = fse&.
II it pleases you TO hear a friend say
: he would do anything in the world iot
J you don prepare a thorn for yourself
/ by mentioning one or two things you
. want done--AtchtSoa Gto5e.
Boy Gin political banner factory)-
. "Not name goes with this pictur-
Cleveland err HARRISON" Proprietor
= CATER long eXamination)-"i dunno.
= Ask the artist."-N. 1. Heek{g.
Mother-See hcreI l told you not tc
q stir out of the yard, and you went out
h and nearly got run over. Little Dick
That was cause | was tryin' to mind
you, IN not stir.-Good &e1cs.
IS Blinks-"I hear the cabmen are 60
i ing to strike for shorter hours" Minks
D (who sometimes rides)-"Why. good.
. ness me, their hours are not over forty
IS minutes long now."-M. Y. Weekly.
1t They were talking of the intelligence
of animals. 81 We seen a hog count
n he said. $50 have J." she said. ~l'ra
n seen him count two seats in the car.
d and take them both himseif."-Detroy
Free Press.
o Brown-"I believe that Smiths baby
u will grow to be a pugilist." Jones
why, has it remarkable large arm
(, and fist?" Brownie, but it has .
)" remarkable large mouth."-Katc FIetds
d Washington.
r Dukane-"I don't think railroads
"a ought to hire astronomical engineers.
Gaswell--"What on earth are astron.
omical engineers?" Dukane-"Thosa
- who telescope their trains. "-PitSburg
Telegraph.
1t Miss N, how could you think
p that ! had ever said in company thas
ID you were stupid. Quite the contrary;
is whenever your name was mentioned |
al was always the one who didn't say so.
p -ReRchthater.
She-"I think the forehead the safest
place for a young gentleman to kiss 2
young lady" He--"Tm not SO sure ot
n it. The last time | attempted to kid
, a young lady's forehead | got a bans
l. in my mouth."-LJc.
% Little Boy-"Teacner said the Ena-
- peror of China has ten men to carry
~ his umbrella. Wot's that for?' Papa
! (thought{ully)-"I suppose 1t takes
=. that many to remember to bring I
.n along.-G0od NetrS.
p Willie-"I didn't see anything funnf
+ last nirht about hat fellows miss
* tache."- Mrs. McBeaR-"Nhat are you
:" talking about?' WilIia-"I heard SIS
at ter tell him that it tichle,l her hail ~
Y. death. "-BoStOn Post,
y Elderly Relative-"I can't see why
d. You persist in reading frivolous no..
m els, my dear" Mrs. H~oneytea-.Fss
at purely improving reasons, Aunt Ellen.
~ / wish to become Disguised with INV
a olity."-Hurper'S Ba<.a.
w.. I'm going to put Il polieemans
chorus in this opera" said the coal-
u poser" if can only get a good char
u, !, acteristic effect" -, thafs easy;
replied the critic. "AU YOU have to az
- is to put plenty of rests in t."-fass-
inqtoH Star.
The Groom-"You look envious. Ga
- man?" The Best Mani am" Inc
Groom (happily supposing he is the
envied one)-"Of whom?" The Best
Manor the minister. You say you
are going to give him a hundred.
BrookiyR Life.