The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-02-23

$1,000 NA~-1
thicker than stump water.
1T looked badly, but it was q pearl
compared to the way it smelled. 1t
smelled like the deluge at low tide.
New York when it is opening up a sub
way ON a hot day shows great posi-
bllltles, but it cannot get in the little
thrills and thrObs of measly and antique
stencil that this home made and fer
mented ink did.
"Once I went ove to try a case
before a poor white justice of the
peace over thirty miles away. He
was a pl lin, uneducated man, who
used his tonguein writing and breathed
heavily, like a mush kettle, while
thinking.
"Opposed to me as counsel was a
man who had been admitted to the
bar. Ihad not. He was rather pompOus
n hated to try a case before a coun-
try justice, but he had to do it. He
was hot and cross, and while he was
making his argument of the chill
dren got an acorn up it's hose and we
had to stop and bore it out with the
iron worm on an old ramrod. That
made counsel mad, and while he was
making a dilatOry motion the Square
picked a brier out of the palm of his
hand with a Barlow knife and over
ruled it.
Then counsel got so hot that he
forgot himself and said things to the
court which ought to have remained
forever unsaid. After that the court
got angry and threatened to commit
counsel for contempt. Counsel allowed
that the court did not know enough to
draw the mltIimUs.
"All right, l will show you. says the
court, and ~thereupon he bit OF apiece
of tobacco about the size of q prayer
book and took down a large, fat volume
of forms for Justices of tn peace weigh
ing about nine pounds and smelling of
pork gravy and childhood.
lie wrote on and ON till dinner
time. Then he g1ared at tho man he
vas engaged in committing and ate
the undemonstrative corr dodger with
him meantime.
"Ididn't mind the bitterness between
the court and counsel, for it was all
good for my side. After dinner the
! Square rolled up one corner of the oil
cloth tebIecloth and went on with the
mlttimus. All that afternoon, with
bullying eye and wet brow, while op
posing counsel sat and smoked under
the cool shadow of the cottonwood, the
brOllng gentleman on the s~uperheated
wOolsack painfully wrote on.
Toward twilight, as the frogs In
the hollow smote the soft and echolesa
cleaning with their metallic song, the
court closed with the final 'wher 9ot
fail not at your peril, and the commit
ment was duly drawn.
Looking over earnestly at it and
leaning on the shoulder Of the court, l
can still see the calm, pale face of
counsel as he looked searchingly over
the still vet and fragrant document.
Then firmly and deity upsetting
the big, quart ink bottle over the
mighty legal masterpiece, and thereby
turning loose upon the Mortified night
a fragrance so able, so durable and so
pronounced hat you could tie horses
to it, he said:
"'There, you overgrown muBhrat!
You shapeless paunch of justice with
out its brains; you overgrown and
fungus error on the face of nature; you
old he mud hen of the Swamps; you
malarial old Intellectual wArt on the
brow of creation, by the time you can
go down on the bottoms and gather
your maple bark aud bring it home
and boil it, and put the caugtic frag
rance into it for another quart of ink,
[ will be in another county and by the
time you can draw another mittimus [
will be in most any other State which
I may select.
"'I now bid you adieu, Caulihower.
IA reUoir, old Polypus On the mem
brane Of nature, blight upon the great
job Of creation, farewell"
He then kicked the old mother dog
across tie kitchen and strobe fercely
down the child bordered pathway.
BILL NYE.
SWIFT JUSTICE IN MEXICO.