The record-union., 1892-08-13
READING TIE PAPER.
Pen-Pictures of People Who Read
in the Restaurants.
The Veteran Stands 1t Up In Front of
Him and Devours Food and News
SimuItaneousIy-wo Make Their
First Dive After Marriages and
Deaths

Deaths.
One of the most amusing phases of
human nature may be seen in any of the
cheaper class Of restaurants during the
early morning hours. II is the manner
in which the different customers make
use Of the privilege Of perusing the news
papers which are furnished gratis for the
use of the patrons of these places. Here
comes a man who seats himself and at
once calls to waiter to bring him q
newspaper in a manner as commanding
as if he owned not only the town, but
several of the outlying suburbs also.
After giving an order for his meal he
hurriedly glances over the first page of
the paper, scans the headings, then opens
the sheet quickly, as if his salvation de-
pended upon his getting at the editorials.
Now his lower jaw drops, his eyes bulge
out and he contracts the skin on his fore
head as il he were in deep thought But
he is not thinking; he is reading with his
open mouth. His 'order'' is set before
him. He now looks at the fifth page up
and down and crosswiSe, then half turns
IN his chair, so as TO reverse the paper,
and takes Il squint at the last page, after
W ulCAl Il6 IbN6ISGS IL etSdlll, looks nuf-
rledly over 1t page by page, ana places
II on his knees, SO that no one else can get
1t, thereby demonstrating the porcine
nature OF his character. After finishing
his breakfast he throws the paper on the
table and leaves.
THE VETERANS SYSTEMATIC PLAN.
Another man comes ina veteran at
the business. lie grabs paper, tcids it
III the shape of q theatrical programme
al h0 rSSIf 4, ,,F-
places 1t before him, leaning the top on
the sugar bowl, his plate propping up the
lower end. lie takes a sip of coffee with
one eye on the sheet and one on his plate,
and while cutting his meat he is reading
OF suicide, with a startled expression
upon his countenance, which would indi-
cate that he had lost his appetite Per-
maps he IS peeling one Of those perennial
potatoes, somewhat of the consistency of
paving stones, but he continues to glare
ct the paper, then at the potato, and then
back again, sometimes forgetting himself
ana holding the potato motionless in mid
AIR while he reads some unusually inter
esting item. He seems to be afraid of
losing time, yet the alternate CHANGING
from the one object of his attention to the
other fritters away many inmates, and at
The end of half All hour he has digested
neither his breakfast nor his newspaper.
Another customer places the paper on
the table to his left and leans over and
reads line or two between alternate
bites. The man who is a slow reader
puts the paper in the same position on
The table, and traces each line with his
finger as guide for fear he will lose
his place" and when the tough steak
requires the use OF both hands he takes
q knife from the next cover and places il
on the line where he left Ot-otherwise
ne might forget that he had read the
article and re-read IL.
Nine men in ten open their mouths on
reading paper, rs il they expected to
2mbIbe It's contents in the manner in
which they take their food. Seven in
Ten wrinkle their foreheads as if in deep
thought and greatly interested in the
affairs of the world. These are the ones
who turn newspaper over, page by
page, read all Of the headings, then re-
turn TO the beginning and read the vari-
Gus articles, missing none. They peruse
all as duty.
SOME READ EVEN THE "ADS.n
Three in every ten read the headings.
founder among the advertisements, and
about the time they have finished their
meal square themselves for "a good
read" and hold down their chairs for fif-
teen minutes or more after they have
stopped eating. The waiter NAV take
away all of the plates, and even begin to
sweep around the table. That does not
disconcert these people. They come to
read the morning paper-eating was evR
IDENTIFY secondary consideration-and
they mean 10 remain until they have pc
rused the entire issue, reading matter. adj
VertiSementS and ALL
But the most noticeable picture of all is
the fat man, who "buries'' himself in the
newspaper. He tuckS napkin over his
shirt front, just as a baby is protected by
p bib and then spreads the paper in
front OF him as if it were q canvas He
ShnVnS Of no
face of the man in the adjoining seat. and
shuts out the light from those at the rear
table, making general nuisance OF him
self
Occasionally a woman Will take up
newspaper while waiting to be served.
,but as 10 anything like a close study of
its columns. it IS so seldom witnessed that
when one occasionally is seen to tax inter-
est In the news she is regarded as a great
curiosity. 1t is very funny sight TO see
the average woman read paper. The
first thing she looks for is the thatcbed
matched and dispatched" column. or the
record of births, deaths and marriages.
After studying this closely she perhaps
turns to the first page.
WOMAN ACTS MOST sENsIBLY,
If there is display head setting forth
some scandal in which q woman is con
cerned she Immediately devours the
article with avidity and then skins the
woman stories" Then she gives a
glance at the advertising pages, notes the
personal column particularly and by
this time her breakfast is ready. Then
the newspaper is summarily cast aside.
for no woman ever allows it to come be-
tween her and her cup of coffee, She
never reads between bites" Women
are never IN ahurry, either, at table. and
they eat their meals with a elaboration
that Is an assurance of good digestion.
They are far more graceful readers. too.
than most men. lou never see a woman
with her mouth open, her eyes bullying
out, norseI OF meat suspended in mid
air, while she gawps in establishment at
some wonderful tale in the sheet before
her. But you can see an abundance of
men who make perfect guys of them
selves over the morning paper at the
table. The women never initiate the
male newspaper hog'' nor endeavor to
monOpoIiZe a paper which others are
waiting 10 read. On the contrary, after q
few Chances over its columns. thew are
ready TO resign it TO the next conner with
the utmoS willingness. The male of the
porcine disposition, however, hangs on
10 the paper throughout his entire meal.
although he may glance at it but once or
twice and may be fully aware OF the fact
that others are anNiously awaiting their
turn TO peruse 1t. Because he is aware of
that fact he is eXasperatingly slow in his
movements, and does not resign the sheet
until be has exhausted his last pretext
for maintaining his hold upon it.
eS, a restaurant is certainly a good
place in which TO study human nature
Chicago Herald.