Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-03-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A grip sack The doctors saddle
bags.
Lightning takers - Fire insurance
agents.
Most people laugh not when they want
to, but when they think people imagine
they ought to.--Atchison Globe.
DeSmithers-"Do you object to COL
ored walters at the club2" Bjones-"I
object to green ones.-The Club.
The man who laughs in his sleey.
should be relegated to the society OF him
who talks through his hat.-Puck.
A mans goodness to his wife depends
entirely ON her ability to make him en-
joy being good to her.-Atchison Globe.
1t is always proper to call upon the
superintendent of the streets to "mend
his ways. boston Commercial Bulle-
tin.
No one can ever tell what a woman
will do next, If any one did tell she
would be sure to do something elsc.-
Somerville Journal.
The flush upon the cheek of the society
girl Is not hectic; it is permanent until
it is scraped off with the butcher knife.
Galveston News.
It's rumored as strong proof of na-
ture's disposition to assert itself that few
girls learning the violin care to use the
chin rest.-Philadelphia Times.
Patient-"Doctor, fancy, somehow,
I've got touch of the gout." Doctor
"Fancy, my dear sir! If you had, you
wouldn't fancy-you'd know. Comic.
Ethel-"Mr. Hobson and Mr.. Hub
bell will call this evening, Grace, you
know. What shall we do to entertain
theml" Grace-"Let's propose. ."-Bos-
ton Post.
The barber is sort of bellicose indi.
vidual. He has his little brushes right
along, he fathers people, and he oc-
casionally smashes their mugs.-Bing-
hamton Leader.
Miss Ongwee-.I think your charms
are simply horrid" Jeweler--''Yours,
miss, are irresistible" Miss Ongwee-
"Tll take half Il dozen, please. Jewel
er's Gazette.
"Carber is still in trouble. His lawyer
now makes serious charges against him."
81 thought he won his case2" $50 he
did, and that's what his lawyer is charg-
ing him for. ."-Lowell Citizen.
Charlie (who has been blowing the
cornet for an hour tined do you think
there is any music in me9" Ned-'T
don't know. There ought to be. I
didn't hear any come out. "-kondon
Tid-Bits.
He-"I am rather in favor of the
English mode of spelling" She
.'Ye-es2" He-"Yes, indeed. Take
sparlor' for instance. Having in it
makes all the difference in the world"
Indianapolis Journal.
Brcwn-"Yes, he was brave man
one who could meet death without
blanching." Fogg-'I see. The gen
tleman was in the undertaking profess
sion, presume; or was he only doc
tor7"-Boston Transcript.
Seeker-"You have been farming
many years in this section and know the
popularity of the soil pretty we'll; what
do you consider the hardest thing to raise
on your farm9" Meeker-"Thc money
to run it. boston Courier.
"Ah," said Chappie jokingly to Miss
Keene, "this is leap yaer, ,dontcherknow;
do you intend to avail yourself OF its priv
ileges?" 'sI really cannot tell what I
might do" she said with smile, "if a
man should come along. New York
Press.
Binks--sI don't like to complain
about trifles, Mrs. Jingle, but my hash
appears to consist largely of fragments Of
de,l board" Mrs. Jingle 0he landlady)
--"Well, what kind of board do you
expect for five dollars week--polished
mahoganys"-Wasp.
She-"Did you succeed in mastering
French while in Francel" He--"Nearly.
did not succeed in making the French
men comprehend me, nor could l make
out what they were driving at; but got
so l could understand myself when I
talked. Funny Folks.
Lady (engaging cook did you
leave your last place?" Cook-'I
couldn't stand the dreadful way the
master and missus used to quarrel, m.im."
Lady-"Wnat used they to quarrel
about2" Cook4-"Thc way the dinner
was cooked, mum. London Spinner.