Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1892-12-11
WIND AND WHISPERS
THE IDLE REPORTER ARGUES FOR
The ZEPhYRS' RiGHTS.
sav Four Men walk Ipto the Dock--Prstty
Girls In Male Attire-wm
Found Out.

The average American hnds something
inexpre ssibly ludicrous in the word " whis-
kers"; and If you add little wind " to
the EXPRESSION, the mouth beneath every
pair Of ears that hears the phrase will
broaden into ten-inch smiles. why the,
gentle zephyrs shouldn't have free and un-
limited privileges TO daily with the hir-
sute appendages of all free-born residents
of this Union is more than l can see. Ger
tainly there is no law against II ON our
statute-books; and if the "whisk can
bIow through our windows" why can't the
"wlnd blow through our whiskers Tor
through the whiskers of those or US
who have them without causing SO
much merriment For my part,
| have ALWAYS studied whiskers with the
deepest interest, for they are as varied IN
kind as the leaves Of autumn ana as eccen,
| trio in their individuality as persona,
| identity itself. The king of whiskered
men in Richmond is Mr.. John +. Ragland.
| who has q flowing black beard which
never fails 10 attract attention. 9lr. nag
/ land ia a great church-worker and llbe-
raj contributor TO all good causes. More-
over. no helps to make the young men OF
this city, and TO the skill of his sartorial
establishment is largely due, the nne
| physiQues of many OF our GUIDED youth.
| Major Otway Aliens whlskers need no
| introduction to the public. The httle'
! pointed, russet beard which adorns MS
! face has ALWAYS pleased me. There 10
| something military and "Frenchy about
1t, and somehow It gives lts genlal owner
! jauuty air which 10 very becoming.
| Nearly every youth in town VINO mas the
proper material has tried to initiate the
| Major, but they never touched MIN.
| HIS whiskers have held the lightweight
| championship of this city foryears and ore
| still without an equal.
Coroner Taylor has always maintained
| sort of individuality about his beard whlch
! made the attachment TO his chin dlstlnctiy
! his own, while Major John Poe's soldierly
bearing is largely due to his slittle "goatee."
| There is no telling what dignity Justice
! Johnn could not assume If be were blessed
| with similar ornament, while Ashton
| Starke with whiskers a Ia Ragland would
be simply immense. -,
But the subjects OF my sketch are IKE
all other earthly things-trGnsitOry. There
is no telling what the future NAV brlhg
forth, or when some of our present dar-
lings may vanish. In tho words OF the
politicians shall exclaim: ut IS in the
young men OF the country that put my
| trust" And may the wind ever have tree
access in this grand old Commonwealth to
blow and blow until it fills every nook and
Granny in oil deserving whiskers.
A gathering OF young men were com-
forlably seated around the stove in the
rear apartments of one Of our drugstores o
few nights ago and in the course Of their
conversation they began to discuss sui
cides and other uncanny subjects. l
| saw four chaps walk into the dock in one
year." said gentleman connected with
one of the large business houses located
near the dangerous sheet Of water in which
I
You needn't tell me that people are al
| WAYS out of their minds when they take
their own lives. The first one OF those
fellows who got in the dock deliberately
walked 10. and although Joe Edwards, the
great diver, was near by at the time
and attempted 10 save him 1t was
no use. Joe got tho man up and
would have rescued him, but the chap
deliberately kept his head under the water
until he was dead. The second suicide
continued the speaker, who observed with
satisfaction that no had attracted the at
tentlon of his audience, was very quick
and the man was drowned before there was
any chance to save him. In the third IN
stance Joe came to the rescue once moro,
as he was in the neighborhoOd, and he
roically plunged after the fellow. lie
managed 10 rescue the man. When the
melancholy individual, who had sought
his own destruction, was landed high ana
drv he 'cussed' Joe tor all he was worth,
because the expert swimmer had saved ms
life. Joe apologIzed for having played
such "A mean trick on the rest o. humanity;
but the fellow couldn't be paclhed. and
swore with such vigor that the natorlal
artist really felt repentaDt. You blank
ety, blank rascal screamed the dripping
individual TO Joseph, 'Pll mash your face
when | get sober
About three months after this time"
continued the drugstore orator, tue fun:
NEST of all the cases occurred. one OF
our customers was in the store talking IN
a very mgtter-of-tact sort of way to one
of the clerks He was from the country
aud had evidently Just gotten into the
city, for he had a satchel thrown over his
shoulder. All of a sudden the fellow said :
Pm going 10 drown myself
Yes; would If | were you replied
the clerk.
Forthwith the country chump jumped
into the water with q tremendous splash,
and he would certainly have lost his lite
had not the satchel buoyed him up. But
after be got soused 1t was caution TO sec
him clingIng on 10 his hfe-preserver. That
chap pretty soon made up his mind that he
didn't want to die. and We hauled HIM out
! before it was too late"