davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
JOKES BY BURDETTE.
Vo1 P0puli, Lex and Veritas, .Rhymed
Into the Wastebasket.
ADVICE TO A NEEDY PARSON.
Quips and Foibles of the Race Shown Up in
New and Novel Ways
A GREAT HUBORISps PHILOSOPHY

WRITTEN FoR THE DIsPArcH.l
Tho Old Wastebaskef.
In tho darkest nook of the dingy room,
In the deepest shade Of the twilight gloom,
In tho morning bright and the evening dim,
1t frowned from it's corner, cold and grim,
And always hungry: its mouth so wide
Was split like q robins at dinner-tide.
The old wastebasket! We fed It amain,
But its hunger was ever deathless pain.
Wise old scholars, gaunt and gray,
Fed it statistics for many day;
And old "vox PopuH,r "Reader" and
'Iex."
Filled up its NAV by quarts and pecks;
And dainty poems, when sorrowing love
Rhymed with the plaintive and cooling dove;
Bright Hopes and visions and "Rever-
les" rare,
And young ambition" and old despair"
Heart throbs that pulsed with woe sub
lime.
But spelled by ear and limped in rhyme;
And humor that laughed with its latest
breath
Like galvanized grin on the face Of Death;
Fierce Anger, that glared with eyes of fame,
And stopped its paper and owed for the
same;
MS. by the cord, the yard and the pound,
Their way to the old waste basket found;
All that came to his mill was grist-
He'd grind it up with a shake and . twist.
And open his mouth as wide as before,
And whisper, with fearful calmness-
"More"
Oh, friends, send Russia, in Christian zeal,
The white wheat nour and golden meal;
But send us, we pray you essays1ong,
Speeches eloquent, argument strong,
Send us whatever MS. you've got.
That the good wastebasket perish not.
For, should he die, 'twould be the end
OF the editors dearest, truest friend.
For him would he mourn with scalding
tears,
And dress in Grape for q thousand years.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
The Fell DESTROYER. Time

"But, my friends, continued Prof Stay
later. earnestly, 81 must close. The time
allotted me has already expired, but have
not exhausted the subject
"No," mtrmured the dying janitor, who
had remained at his post. though all but
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10

him had fled, "but you have exhausted
everything else"
And it was so; not only in that instance,
but in many hundred thousands of others.
Go to the hackman, thou lecturer con-
slider how he runs the sands through the hour
glass every 40 minutes, and be wise.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
The Human Voice,

We have seen It stated somewhere that
George Whitefeld, the great Methodist, once
preached in the fields to crowd Of 10000
people, and that his powerful voice reached
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
Gets What He Wants.

from Lower Falls, Kan: II have been q
preacher OF the gospel for 80 years. have
no more money now than when began my
ministry. I have never recaiyed in all that
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
As Long as the Longest.

"How do they know the moon is 200
miles from the earth," demanded Tommy
Doubter, 'there amt no tape line so long
as that"
81 guess maybe they measured 1t with the
pension list, said Billy Longbow. whose
father lost two months pay in Suffers
charge at the siege of Rear Wayback.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
A Constitutional Weakness

IT hear that young Sport failed in his
Latin examinations at college"
ayes; made dead funk on his nouns;
that's his weakness; he never could decline
anything"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10

time larger salary than $500 year. And
when read in the papers last week that
Cranky Digby, the grotesque dancer in the
Mountain Cow combination, gets 5000 o
week for his legs it discouraged me-"
Well, we can't see why, parson. There's
nothing disheartening in that. You could
make nearly as much as that, maybe quite as
much, If you tried. You could get $500
week if you reached for 1t. But that's all
you'd get; just $500 q week. 1t would make
your ministerial bookkeeping very easy,
parson. When it came time to die yoti
could balance your books very easily; Just
multiply the number OF weeks you had
preached by $500, and you'd know just ex-
actly what your preaching had been worth
to yourself, and the church and the world.
But now, you see, you can't estimate your
salary just to hair. Go back to your pull
pit, parson ink the seams Of your shiny old
coat few years longer; trim your collars
and cuffs with the scissors when they get too
scratehy for mortal man to stand any lohg-
er: and don't you worry about 5000 a week.
You can get that any time, if you are will
Ing to pay the price for it
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
Saved by q Fall.

"Half loaf is better than whole one,"
remarked stonihart, as his young wife's first
baking fell out of the oven and broke the
hearthstone.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10

RED and black ants will leave your house
and never return the instHyst you sprinkle q
little Bugihe i'll the plates they frequent
rs cents
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
Pnat Hoe,

'tDo you consider drunkenness q disease,
doctor ?''
II certainly do"
''Well, do you think it is contagious ?"
'I should say so; if q man goes home
drunk, somebody catches it every time
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10

the infinite wisdom of Providence, that the
human voice does not grow and develop pro-
portionately with the human body. Take
baby three wekks old; hear 1t proclaiming
to city of 81, 600 inhabitants that it is not
feeling very we'll tonight. Now just fancy
that infants power of vocal uttersnce grow
ing day by day for % years The imagina-
tion recoils. Recoils? It is paralyzed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
A Perfected Sign

"When you see bright red spot make its
appearance on your toes. young gentleman"
said the professor, 'it is an unfailing indi-
cation that you will have corns."
"And when the red spot comes on your
nose, professor"
'It is sign that you have had 'em,'"
grayely replied the professor. 'It il al
ways the same sign"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
More Political Cbicanerv.

Talk about gerrymandering. 1t is now
charged that the Republicans have fixed the
State Of Rhode Island so that they gain an
other alderman in both wards.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10
Held Up by the Boatmea.

Passengers will find no difficulty in find
ing boats to take them ashore, for as soon
as steamer STOPS it is surrounded by them
like f1ies around 1holasses barrel The
Rio boatnen drive roaring trade at all
seasons aud 1t is one Of their humorous
practices to land passengers for moderate
til the helpless travellers have, in effect,
transferred to them q chattel mortgage Of
ali the worldly goods Of which they stand
at that moment possessed. The boatmen
hare the best of 1t every time, being in
league with one another, especially when
their victims have acted az passengers gen
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-04-10

But not hoopskift, corset, ,1atiron or hair
crimper has been patented by q woman in
all that region of country.
Asa mere mention of what other Pennsyl-
vania women have invented. Betsy Ann
Worden. O; Scranton, has an Improvements
in car-eouplings: Savilla III. CrumP. OF Read
ing. has patented thing so srue5ome as
corpse cooler; Emily E Tassey, of Mckees-
port, Improvement in apparatus for raising
sunken vessels: Elizabeth Delong, of Stone
Church, patent on steam and fume boxesj
Dora Hirsh, of Lancaster, n car-coupling de-
vice, while Annie X. Pentz, of Clearfleld,
has invented and patented q stock car; Mrs.
Armstrong has invented machine for feed
ing cattle on trains.
Let it be remembered that 1t was Mrs.
Katherine Green. wife of General Nathaniel
Greene who undoubtedly invented the cot
ton gin, though to her second husband credit
is due for her ever having braved the rldt
cule she feared and Claimed an interest in
1t. Another woman has invented method
OF converting barrel of oil into ten thou
SAND cubic feet of gas, anot er one, a super
ior street-sweeper: another, screw-crank
for steamships, and, not the least in import
anee, it was woman who invented the very
first ice cream freezer.
This patent was taken out by Mrs. Nancy
johnson in ls73, but the report fails to show
the State that furnished this important
woman. Mrs. Nancy was, however less
wise than some of her sister inventors. Tor
she sold her patent for 81 500, since whlcn
time thousands have been realized upon IL.
Helen Blanchard, of Boston, realized an
immense fortune on q sewing machine at
her patent on u baby carriage. Those are
only few OF very many women whose
brains have been their fortunes along the
line Of Inventions. MARY TENPLE-BAYARn
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08
MUST GIVE UP WORK.

MIR. Springer VIII Not Be Allowed 60 Re-
turn to the House for Two Montha
Special to the Indianapolis Journal
WASHINGTON, March 7.-Mr. Springer's
important Craftsmanship Of the ways and
means committee is practically at On end.
DR.. Vincent, who came from Springfield to
take charge of Mr.. Sprin gers case. SAID to-
day that even should his patient begin to
rally at once and continue to improve from
this time on, it would be impossible for
him to attend to any business for the next
two months. DR.. Vincent says that under
the most favorable circumstances Springer
could not leave his house within the next
three weeks. After that the Doctor will
insist that Mr.. Springer 60 to Fortress
Monroe or some other health resort
for o stay of four or five weeks
When two months are given over to re-
cuperation Mr.. Springer will be allowed to
return to the House of Representatives
but will be cautioned against becoming ab-
sorbed in any taxing business which might
again disturb his nervous system. Accord
ing TO Dr.. Vincents programme, therefore,
Mr. Springer has practically concluded his
services as chairman of the WAYS and means
committee for this session of Congress. for
the tariff bills will be entirely disposed OF
by tho end of April. The tariff battle be-
gins tomorrow with the consideration of
the free-wool bill. and 1t is the policy of the
majority to keep hammerlng away at the
tariff question without any cessation. This
will get the subject out of the way at an
early day. When MIR. Springer comes
back, two months hence. he will find that
the important work which the head of the
ways and means committee directs has
been entirely completed. Mr.. McMillin is.
in reality, the active chairman of the COM
mittee. and during the coming weeks of
struggle over the tariff question McMillin
will be the conspicuous leader of the tariff
tinkerers.
Another consultation of Mr.. Springer's
physicians was held to-night, and as a re-
suit 1t was stated that the condition Of the
patient showed q slight i'm prOvement, with
reason to hope for his recovery. Mr..
Springer passed favorable day. He
showed signs of extreme nervousness and
sensitiveness. and this was regarded by
the doctor as sign of clearer c0mprehen-
sion. The slightest noise disturbed
him and in order to prevent the irritation
produced by sounds that penetrated the
sick-room the door bell was mufiied, the
street was blockaded and saw-dust was
laid on the street-car tracks that pass the
door Of the Springer residence SO as to
dcaden the sound of the rumbling cars.
During the day Mr.. Springer asked con-
corning the progress of the debate In the
House on the special order concerning the
silver bill
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08

Council Refer 1t and VIII Consider It Next
Thursday Evening.

Council Refer 1t and VIII Consider It Next
Thursday Evening.
1t looked like old times in the Council
Chamber last night. Every member was
In his seat promptly at 8 o'clock and the
lobby was crowded with people Attor-
neys Mason. Spencer and Van Vorhis and
William Bosom were there in the interest
OF the Broad Ripple franchise. In some
mysterious way II had gone abroad that
the Council. instead of confirming the con-
tract. would refer il 20 the franchise COM
mittee. where it would lay for an indefinite
period. Or long enough TO cause the COM
pany to forfeit it's option both with the
city and the county.
1t was among the first documents taken
up. and its title was read by Mr.. Bern
hamer in sonorous tones. As soon as the
reading had been concluded, Councilman
Casper moved that IL be referred 10 the
franchise committee. with instructions 10
report at the next meeting OF the Council.
whether regular or special. MIR. RYAN dis
played considerable Ignorance OF the rules
by claiming that committee could not
make a report until the next regular meet
ing after An ordinance referred To 10 had
been introduced. but had the good taste 10
acknowledge his mistake after reading tho
rules.
lay Gaspers motion on the table. but it
failed 10 carry by "A vote OF II TO .. Ryan
took occasion TO explain bis vote by quot
ing copiously from the rules. while the
willy Olaf said he had made his motion
with the intention of asking the president
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08
800 FOR WAGON WHEAT
BIG RAUL OF GAMBLERS.
Shaws Chicago Pool Room Raided and go
Patrons Arrested By the Police.
ACME MILLS. West washington 81

CHICAGO. March z.-One of the most ex-
tensIve raids organized by the Chicago
police department III years was made this
and twenty-five officers surrounded the
premises. Nos 267 and 269 Clark street. and
placed go men. who were in the establish
ment, under arrest. The place was a full
fedged pool-room. run by Frank n. Shaw,
the ST. Paul plunger, Sid McHle and others
who are said tn be members of the Chicago
Gamblers Trust. Books were being made
on the races at Gloucester and Gluten burg
and q rushing business was in progress, the
smallest bet taken being 8. Instead of
buying regulation pool-ticket. the better
ostensibly sent o dispatch through the
Mercantile Telegraph Company" To ST.
Paul, here the bet was supposed TO be
consummated. the Chicago end of the busl-
ness being spoken of as conducted in a
branch. The alleged interstate arrange
ment, the proprietors protested to believe,
lett no room Tor prosecution under the ILL.,
hois anti-po0l-selling law. The eager
epeculators caught In the raid were from
all walks of life.
As soon as the captain had thoroughly
surrounded the rooms he sent for dozen
patrol wagons from the nearest stations.
and then stepped inside and announced
that every one in the place was under ar
rest. There was n general stampede for the
doors. but Afcers barred the way and re-
fused to allow any one to pass until the ar
rival of the patrol wagons. When the
wagons arrived the men were loaded in
and the sight of the long procession of
loaded patrol wagons whirling through the
street attracted immense crowds. The so
prisoners were spared the Ignominy OF be-
ing put behind the bars. All were released
on bonds signed by Proprietor Nellie aud
ex-State Senator McNally. aggregating $50
COO Frank Shaw was absent III st. Paul and
escaped arrest. The hearing IN court was
set for March 10.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08

Senate said Republican member of the
Senate committee on judiciary this after
noon. Chairman Hoar." he continued;
expects to be present. and the meeting will
be held for the sole purpose of taking action
upon the nominations for the circuit and
district benches. liz is now only O question
what day all OF the Republican members OF
the committee can be present. There Will
when further delay IL very injurious to
public interests. not to mention the unjust
Ice to the nominees"
Had it not been for the absence from the
on judiciary would have met to-day and re-
ported the nominations. As anticipated
by these dispatches week ago, Chairman
Hoar made q request OF the committee that
there be no further delay on account of his
absence. But with the absence of Senator
Mitchell the committee would stand tie.
politically. Chairman Hoar expects TO be
at the Capitol on Wednesday. and If all
the Republican Senators can attend meet
ing of the committee on that day. action
will be taken upon the nominations of
Wood, Taft, Dallas and the other six Cir
cult judges, and District udge McKenna,
of California. The Republican members
of the judiciary COMMITTEES are determined
that delay shall cease at the earliest pos
sible moment: and, furthermore, they are
determined that when they are taken up
in executive session there shall be no fac
tious opposition intended only for delay.
noon that the committee had q meeting
this morning and agreed to report the
nomination of Judge Woods. which Is to be
acted upon first in committee and in exc
cutivs session of the Senate. and he flew
about in a very excited manner. He evil
IDENTIFY thought he had neglected duty in
not securing further delay at the expense
OF the public.
1t is understood that as soon as the nomi-
nation of Judge Taft, or Cincinnati. Is con-
tirmed he will resign from the position of
Solicitor general and go Immediately TO
his home. which will be the seat of his cir
cult, and open court There will be
no delay in filling the Office
of Solicitor general, probably by the
appointment of Mr. Charles II. Aldrich of
Chicago. as has been announced. The
work Of the Solicitor general is almost at a
stand-stll. He cannot prepare himself TO
appear in causes in any court. as he may
be confirmed any day as Circuit Judge
and relieved. 1t would be use
less to nominate his successor before
the nomination of Judge TAFT is
confirmed, as the nomination would 60 To
the committee on judiciary and take q
position behind that of the nomination of
Judge Tart. There is every reason now TO
believe that the judicial nominations will
all be confirmed before two days in next
week have passed.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08
REGULAR ZINC BONANZA.
No Doubt About the Finding Of Ore in Carroll
COunty-Shafts Now Being Sunk.
Special 10 The Indianapolis Journal.

LOGANsPoRT. Ind. March THE reports
of the valuable discovery of zinc in Carroll
county verified. Mr.. c. III. Stevens. of
this city, was interested In some Missouri
mines. and had number of pieces of ore
on exhibition at his place of business. L.
MeKinnum. of Rock Creek township Car
roll county, saw them. and insisted that
some of that "stone-coal," as he called il,
was to be found in his locality. He brought
in q cigar. box full TO prove it. 1t was
shipped to Missouri for analysis, which
showed that 1t was equal 10 the best Mis-
sour ore. Mr.. Stevens took A. l.. Shroy er
of this city. In with him. and
prospecting was begun and leases made.
Investigation shows that the veins on the
Rock creek bottom are struck at four feet
from the bed of the creek, and one vein of
four feet. and one of six feet of solid ore
have been found. The bluff along the
creek Is about seyenty-tive feet high, so
that most Of the ore lies at depth of
eighty feet from the level The NJ issouri
vein is struck at ninety feet. while this can
be mined from the creek bottom. Prospect
ing along the bottom land showed that
the vein extended along the creek three
and half miles. The supply is
almost inexhaustible and as the Missouri
output is $4,000 worth of ore per week.
there is no reason why the Indiana field
should fall short OF that Four men are at
work now sinking mines and twenty five
will be Mt work by Monday next. The ore
tes in Rock Creek township. Carroll coun-
ty, OH the line of the Wabash railroad. and
fourteen miles west OF this city. Several
psospectors from abroad have arrived and
are leasing land.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08
MIR. sHAFFER.s DEAL
Published a Little Too soon-A Journey to
the East by the Promoter.

Published a Little Too soon-A Journey to
the East by the Promoter.
There was considerable talk yesterday
about the report from Chicago that j. C..
Shaffer has 81. 700, 900 option on the CIti-
zens' street-railroad property. 1t is be-
lieved. from the way those interested talk,
that the Journal printed the facts
in the case too soon to suit all
concerned. Dir. Allerton. one of the
Chicago directors, denied the report that
Mr.. Shsffer holds an option on the road.
but said he had received q proposition
from a New York banker. Yesterday Mr..
Shaffer left the city. and. although he said
he was going to Asbury Park. the general
impression is that he will extend his
Journey to New York.
1t is thought to be a fact that he has the
option on the road; that he already has a
pledge OF considerable capital. and that
his trip 10 New York is to enlist more. In
the meantime the effort to secnre fran
chlse for the Broad Ripple company. in
which Mr.. Shaffer is interested, goes mer-
rlly on.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08

Lctter-Carriers Win n Partial Victory In
Their Suit for Overtime Psy

Lctter-Carriers Win a Partial Victory In
Their Suit for Overtime Psy.
WASHINGTON. March THE Court of
Claims to-day rendered decision in what
is known the setter-carrier cases. In the
Salt Lake City cases IL appeared that the
carriers were employed six hours n day in
getting their letters ready for delivery and
delivering them. four hours a day during
the intervals in distributing letters within
tn Q postoffice and one hour a day or more
in postoffice work after their last carrier
service had been concluded. They sued
under the eieht-hour law for additional
pay for the additional time. The court de-
cided that the postmaster at Salt Lake
City had right TO employ them in dis
tributiDg mail matter between their trips
AS to the employment after their days
work as carriers was completed. the court
expressed grave doubts. but the equities or
the case being strongly in favor of the car
riers. IL was deemed night TO resolve the
doubts liz their favor. leaving it to the SUI
preme Court TO correct the error. Ii II is an
error.
Postal Telegraph Bill.
WASHINGTON, March 7.-Among the bills
introduced and referred III the Senate to-
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08
MIR. BLAINE's ILLNESS,
He IL Suffering from . Slight Inflammation
of the Bronchial Tubes.

OF the bronchial Tubes.
WASHINGTON. March 7.-Dr. Frank
Hyatt. the physician attending Secretary
Blaine. said this evening that there is
nothing in Mr.. Blaine's condition to cause
any alarm. He is suffering from o slight
inflammation of the bronchial tubes, fol-
lowing cold contracted last Wednesday.
dc took an unusually long walk in the
country that day. when the weather was
somewhat Inclement and overtaxed his
strength. As a result, he was compelled to
take to his bed. The trouble affected his
muscles at first, and then attacked his
bronchial tubes. Mr.. Blaine's temperature
was high Thursday and Friday, but Satur-
day it was almost normal and he transacted
some official business. That this was all
imprndent act was shown the next day
Sunday, when his temperature again
reached a high point The case yielded
readily to treatment and to-day the fever
was much reduced and the patient was
feeling better In every respect. He will
probably be confined to the house for
several days. and In the meantime will not
be allowed to attend to any kind of bust
ness. He may be able to attend the Cabi-
net meeting Friday. but he certainly viii
not attend the meeting tomorrow.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1892-03-08
ANOTHER DELAY.

Senator Mitchell Was Absent and the Judi
ciai Nominations Could Not he Reported.
sreeiai TO the Indisnai Oils journal
WAsHINGToN, March I've will hold O
meeting on Thursday. in all probability.
but surely this week. aud all the judicial
nominations viii then be reported to the