Connecticut western news., 1892-05-26
HUMoR UNDER DIFFICULTIES.
Some Remarkable Historical Instances
 of Bright Retorts.

rO"Sn OfNOGh liTTISOI iC0.
 Some Remarkable Historical Instances
 of Bright Retorts.
 One of the smartest of the celebrated Bishop Bloou.field's bonmots was also made during his last illness. He had inquired what had been the subjects of his two archdeacons' charges, and was told that one was on the art of making sermons and the other on churchyards. "Oh, see," said the dying bishop, ''composition and decomposition" Among the pecul- iarities of Selwyn, which attracted atten- tion were his love of children and his nor bid taste to see death or the dead. Not an execution escaped him, and he is said to have made journey to Paris to see Da- miens broken on the wheel. This last pro pensity was the subject of many a joke among his intimates, of which the first Lord Hollands was the best.
 When on his dcathbed he was told that Selwyn had called to inquire after him. "The next time MT. Selwyn calls," said he "show him up, for if am alive l shall be delighted to see him, and if l am dead he will be glad to see me-" Equally as grimly cynical was the reply of William Taylor (or willie Harrow" as he was commonly called). Being visited in his last extremi- ty by a clergyman, he was askedif he were prepared for another world. "'Deed, sir, said Willie, "I dinna ken if I need trouble myself aboot it; for if the folk there are like the folk here, they'll pay unco little attention to puir body like me-"
 The field of battle has produced many an example of grim humor, and capital story is told of how, when Sir William Scrope was about to charge with his troop at the famous conflict of Edgehill, at the hol of ho 1ior paign against Charles I, he said to his young scapegrace of son, Jack, if I should be killed, lad, you will have enough to spend," to which the rogue answered, And egad, father, if l should be killed you will have enough to pay" Why are you so melancholy" asked the Duke of Marlborough of soldier after the battle of Blenheim. ''I am thinking" replied the man, "how much blood I have shed for six pence." Another retort of one of the rank and file conveyed we'll merited rebuke. A soldier had his two hands carried off at the wrists by shot. His colonel offered him a crown. Colonel" replied the man responsibility, cit was not my gloves but my hands that lost"
 "Once," writes Mir. Lawrence Oliphant, T was in Cornish mine, some hun dreds of feet down in the bowels of the earth. Crawling down ladder and feel ing that the temperature was every mo- ment getting warmer, said to miner, who was accompanying me: It is getting very hot down here. How far do you think it is to the internal regions?' I don't know exactly he replied, but if you let go you will be there in two minutes.'
 Sheridan, too, when dying, on being re- quested to undergo an operation, humor- ously replied that he had already submit ted to two, which were enough for one mans lifetime. Being asked what they were, he answered, Having my hair cut and sitting for my picture" There is a sly in situation in the following, which no doubt was duly appreciated by the person to whom it was addressed M
 Even dueling, too, has discovered men who will jest to the very last, and as an ex- ample. of grim humor under singularly un- comfortable circumstances the following would be exceedingly hard to beat. M. de Malsaignes was determined duelist. Having quarreled with brother officer they agreed to fight out the dispute in the very room where it took place, when M. de Malsaignes' adversary managed to run him through the body and nail him against the door, "This is all very well," said the transixed duelist, "but pray how are you to get out2" Dr. Mead and Dr. Woodward fought under the gates of Gresham college Woodward's foot slipped, and he was at the mercy of his opponent. "Take your lifep exclaimed Dr. Mead. Anything man.-London Standard.