Arizona republican., 1892-08-31
THE GREAT vIrALIzER 1,

| hio iOSo lihe DIdllldn Heu. Wary man packed a gun, n when gent 'ud forgit n drop a cuss word he'd beg parding The parson was thick with all the boys. He writ letters for us, advised us about all our biznus, n knew all about every body's affairs. Lots uv 'em gave him their dust sack to keep fer 'em, n he knowed where every man he'd his cached
 Along jest afore Christmas cum Pete | called a meetin uv the deacons n church wardens down to his place, n after the sexton (Ah Fool he'd brought in round of drinks he said: Gents, ez chairman exofficer in this yer layout l move that we give the parson little present fer | Chris'mus. Yer know he won't take a durn cent from us, n never has. Uv course he has taken a few thousand | from time to time to send to brings n things uv that kind, but not a red for hisself or pard, n move that we make him little present on Chris'mus day, n it needn't be so - little either. Gents in favor II say so n gents wot ain't kin keep mum. Carried, n that settles it, Five Ace n nell take in con | tributions, n we won't take any less than fifty cases
 That wuz two days afore Chris'mus day, n when it cum Pete n Five Ace | he'd about five thousand i'll dust n mug gets fer the parsons present. Pete as- sessed An Foo months pay, n he kicked hard accordin, but 'twern't no use
 "The day was bright n clear, n at leven o'clock every man in camp wuz at church. The little buildin looked mighty tasty-all fixed off with pine tassels n red berries we'd got in the woods, n every man wuz dressed out in his best duds. At leven exact the par. son n the kid, who he'd bin standin at the door shakin hands n wishin every body what cum in Merry Chris'mus, l cum in n took their seats on the plat form. Pete n Five Ace n Bill Jones n Alabam n me sot on bench jest in front O the platform. We wuz all logged out in our best fxin's, n Pete n Five Ace they sported diamons till yer couldn't rest. Waal, ez usual, the per ceedin's opened up with CT prayer from the parson, n then we he'd singin, Ii it seemed ter me ez if 1 never he'd heerd sich singin in my life afore ez thet kid let out O him thet day
 "Then the parson he started in ter jaw, n must ellow he giv us a great discourse. never see him so long winded afore tho, n Pete was begin min to get mighty restless n oneasy, when all uv suddint we heerd the door open n shet quick n sharp, n every one turned around to find great big black bearded cuss at the door coverin the hull gang uv us with a double bar'led shotgun, n jest stand in thar cool n silent. Face around here, yer - - fools, yelled some- body in sharp, quick, biznus meanin vice, n all hands faced aroun. to find the parson holding 'em up w e another shotgun--own brother to the one the other cuss he'd.
 "'l don't want word out CT yer,' he sed. Yer see my game now, don't yer? Thar ain't gun in the house 'cept the ones you see, n if any gent makes any row in this yer meetin I'll fill his hide so plum full O holes t won't hold his bones. The kid will now take up the collection, n ez it's the first ono we ever hey taken mp yer must make it liberl one, see? The kid started out with gunnysack, n went through the very last man in the crowd. He took everything, even to the rings on our fingers. The parson he'd the drop, n we knew it n never kicked, but jest giv' up our stuff like | lambs.
 After the kid he'd finished, he took | the sack outside, n that's the last we ever seed O him. Then the parson he sez: IN now, gents, l must say adoo, ez | must be travein, for 1 hey another meetin to attend this eve want to say tho afore go thet you're the orner- jest gang of - - fools ever played for suckers. A few friends of mine hey taken the liberty, while yer've been to meetin this blessed Chrismus day, uv goin through yer cabins n diggin up yer | little caches nv dust n other val'ables. | Yer stock hez all been stampeded, n yer | guns yer'll find somcwhar at the bottom of the crick My friend at the door will hold yer level while walk out, n we will then keep yer quiet fer few min utes longer through ther winder jest so s we can git nice cumf'table start n so they did. What c'u'd we do? The parson walked out, grinning all over himself, n he n his pals they nailed up | the door n the winders (thar wuz only two), n very soon after they he'd finished we heerd the chatter O huffs n knowed they wuz gone.
 Il must draw veil over the rest of that days proceedin's, stranger. The Iangwidge used by ther boys wuz too awful to repeat, but twas jest ez this parson sed, when we got out O thet meetin house we found every animal on | the location gone, n the only arms left wuz knives n clubs, yet we'd hey gone after 'em with nothin but our hands, but we couldn't follow afoot. How much did they get? l don't rightly know, but not fur from fifty thousand. | The hull camp wuz stone broke, all excep' 1 An Foo. n he wuz the only one uv us as | he'd sense enUif not to tell thet durned parson whar he cached his stuff. Pete | n Five Ace wuz so everlast hurt at the hull biznus that they shut up the Bird O Prey, borrowed An Foos sack n left for the bay to try n find thet parson, but they never did find him, n no one ever heard uv him again. Cali fornian.