The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-01-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

ttCOs
Mother. How do you like these,
DoraP" Dora-"Wouldn't they look
better, mamma, if they had their hair
P"-BoSton transcript.
She-"I would still love you if you
asked me to live in a cot" He-''How
about tlat?n She (sighing)-"Even
love has it's limitations. IN. Y San.
Did you run for office the other dayP"
asked Spriggins of a defeated candi-
date. mo" said the candidate, sad
ly; II walked. The other fellow ran"
-SOnaerUjtte Journal.
Mrs. Cubbage-"The new minister
said he would call this evening"" Cub
bage-'Then you had better dust the
bible and turn down a few corners of
the leaves. ."-Judge.
Marie: He broke her heart, the
wretch!" Celeste: did he jilt her?"
Marie: No, but he insisted on her
keeping her engagement when she had
better offer. Life.
You should not speak of a man
serving term in prison under nom
de plume. Alias is the better word"
"A nom de plume is a pen name, isn't
itP"-hsdia9apoIis Journal.
Harry: so she refused you. did
sheP" Jack: Yes; and 1 shall re-
member what she said as long as
live" Harry: What did she say?"
Jack: ''She said No. '"-Pucb.
Haberdasher: ''What did you charge
the architect for the 81 tie?" Clerk:
Two dollars" Haberdasher: did
he take itP" Clerk: No; he said he
wanted one for about s.. ."-Patck.
The Adorer-'Sir, l want to marry
your daughter" The Father-''What!
Marry that dear, little, inexperienced.
innocent angel. Sir, you surprise
me-" The Adorer = Come off. y
Life.
Bouttown-"Say, why did Klubbite
go off and get married." Oleboy-
sPoor fellow? He lost so much in the
wheat furry that he couldn't afford to
live at the Bachelor club any longer"
N. Y. Weekly.
II am afraid you are rascal of the
first water" said the police judge. 'Of
the first water, ehP" responded the
culprit. 1T follows, then, that if do
not clear myself, my name is mud. y
Indianapolis Journal.
You are getting to be very fond of
coffee, Mr.. Hunker," said Mrs. Small
to her star boarder as he passed his
cup up for the third replenishing. at
isn't that, Mrs. Small.' replied Hunk
er; I'm taking the hot-water treat
ment."-M Y. San.
Cashier: Pm sorry sir but you
will have to be identified before 1 can
pay this check" Parton: But it is
drawn to bearer" Cashier: II know
that, sir; but how do l know that you
are he?''-Hdrper's Bdzar.
Old Gotrox-"Y want to marry
my daughterP" Young Gotnix-"Yes,
sir; if you please" Old Gotrox-
why, you impudent beggar, you can't
earn your salt" Young Gotnix =
''Yes. sir; but neither of us hardly
ever uses it."-Bosto1a Herald.
The ship had sprung leak. The
captain piped everybody on deck. rs
there Kentucky man on board?" he
asked. Il am from Kentucky sir. :"
Good! ] am very glad you are here.
We may sink and I want bottle to
throw overheard. ."-Detroi Free Press.
Struggling Minister There was a
stranger in church to-day" Wife
What did he look like?" 81 did not
see him." Then how do you know
there was a stranger among the con-
gregationP" Il found a good quarter
in the contribution box."-M Y. Week.
y.
First Dude-'.Pawst you in the ave-
nue. today, Chawles Chiccybird, and
you stared wight at me and nevah
spoke" Second Dude-'Beg pardon.
old chappie. Nevah saw you, pom
honah. Had me eyeglasses on don't
cher know. Kate Fields Washing
ton.
Guide (pointing to mummy: 'Thi:
was Rene, the priest. the wisest mar
of his time. He lived to a great age.
Tourist: WAS his last illness fatal?'
''Yes, very fatal" What wonder
full thing that we see him now per
manently curedT' = Pharnaceutica
Era.
Mrs. BLOW is the contested-wil
case coming on, Mr.. Simmer" Mr.
Shimmer-''It's all settled, and in my
favor" Mrs. B.-"I congratulate you
suppose you'll soon be taking YOU
family to EuropeP" Shimmer-t'No
but my lawyer is going to take his."-
Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Hooper: "What is the matter,
Willie? Don't you speak to the little
Mildmay boy any .more?" Willie
Hooper,: No. he's not in it with III
boys now" Mrs. Hooper" How ii
that?" Willie Hooper: I'VE caugh
him studying his Sunday-school les
son. .'-Pucb.
Mr.. De Bute-"My wife has dos
which knows 100 different tricks
Wouldn't you like to have himP
Snowman Indeed l would. Is h
for salep'' mo- Won't she sell a
any priceP" NO" Then why d,
you speak to me about him?" Il wa
in hopes maybe you would steal him.
Good Nea0s.
Reeder: ''Do you know, my friend
that enjoy nothing in literature a
much as Poes work." Chisel: III
literatureP In statuary, you mean.
Reeder: I'm statuaryP What are yo
talking OFF What has statuary to d.
with Poe's works?" Chisel: Every
thing, old boy! What is statuary bu
pose works!-Boston Courier.
so you have got twins at you
house?' said Mrs. Bezumbe to Iitt1
Johnny Saluelson. ''Yes, nam, tw
of en- What are you going to cal
themP" Thunder and Lightning.
why, those are strange names to cal
children" 'Well, that's what pa call
ed 'em as soon as he heard they wer
in the house. ."-ze1as Sift5ngs.
Yes. darling" she said softly, d"
want so much for you to see me in m
new sealskin cloak" That will be
great pleasure" he muttered. ''Te
me, dear, was it made to order?n &C
course" she replied. 'Why do yo
ask?" Because" he answered (shyl
toying with one of her 25 cent curls)
Il thought perhaps there might b
enough left over to make me a ca
with. "-CE0a6 ReUjea0.
On Niagara street-car the othe
night was an aged Irishman who hel
pipe in his mouth. The conducto
told him he could not smoke, but h
paid no heed. Presently the condut
tor came into the car and exclaime
with show of irritation: Didn't
tell you you couldn't smoke on tn
carr' "Well, Dim not smokin'.
'tYou'Ve pOt a nine in VOnr month