Middletown transcript., 1892-01-14
SMILES.

Wlil nave yOu.- AeAae s5iisines'
Dressmaking establishments want
measures, but not men. n.-PicaYune.
A Christmas story: II didn't ex-
pect anything this year.'-Texas
Siftings.
Something that should be looked
into pa microscope.-W Washington
Star.
Labor-saving machines are oil
monuments to "that tired feeling"
Bradford Era.
What a young man who has best
girl wants is to hold his own.-Alton
Sentinel.
There are too many people in tho
world who use their nest-eggs to make
cake of.-Atchison Globe.
A society reporter says when q
young girl wants to come out her
papa must come down.-Picayune.
The man who never gives up misses
the answers to some awfully good
conondrums.-Elmira Gazette.
Many Of the applicants for. divorce
acknowledge that they have made q
sour mash. National Weekly.
When wild young men start out for
fun they are going to have it if they
have to fight for it.-Dallas News.
Did it ever occur to you that no
man can "raise the devil" without
lowering himselft-Bo Boston Transcript.
"You say your present boss treats
you better than Mr.. Smith did ?" "Yis,
sorr, and oftener. Epoch.
Of;course it is possible for q woman
to be "fair and square" but We like
her better if she is round.-Boston
Post.
The debtor may have the consola-
ton of knowing that there is always
somebody thinking of him.-Colum.
bus Post.
Men with the grip may be suspect
ed of hostility to this government.
They are all Chilly-uns.-Lowel
Courier.
81 Just saved $2," said Blykins
"How?' II spent it before Waylint
could borrow it from me. e."-Washing.
ton Star.
The Post Office Department appears
to be just little cents.ative on tht
subject Of penny postage Bingham
ton Leader.
The highest praise has been won By
Hoods Pills for their easy yet eficien
action. Sold by all druggists. Pric'
25 cents per box.
at is more blessed to give than to
receive" but there are many excel
lent things to be said in favor Of re-
ceiving. Philadelphia Record.
The female Spiritualistic medium
never exposes herself. That is to say
she never goes out without her raps
-Yonkers Statesman.
Young Lady Patient: Doctor, what
do you do when you burn your mouth
with hot coffee? Doctor: Swear
Plutarch's Decameron:
There is nothing in the world more
aggrayating to man with a secret
than to meet people who have nc
curiosity.-Atehison Globe.
GA man can accomplish a greal
DEAL" said the Missouri Judge, !" if he
only has time-therefore give you
four year" Columbus Post.
=" This is a bad sign" says Hicks
as the shingle OF BIudboory, Blithers
& Co., was blown from it's place and
landed on his high hat.-Harper's
Bazaar.
Rheumatism is like sand in the
bearings of machinery. Hoods Sar'
saparilla is the great lubricator which
cures the disease.
A beautiful New Years anthem
should be written on the Office towel
and entitled Wiring out the old,
ring in the new Washington Star.
George Eliot says: "The man who
trusts friend educates him." But
the truster often gets the most expert.
mental knowledge.-Columbu Post.
It wasn't enough Uncle Sam should
have trouble with his foreign relations,
but here come annoyances from some
Of his Mexican borders.-Philadel-
phia Times.
True character seldom appears on
the surface. The slatternly hole in
the heel of ones stocking is usually
covered BY well-polished leather
Christmas Puck.
The test-Mamma: My darling,
don't you think you've eaten enough :?
Maudie Me don't know. Me amt
dot a verwy bad tummickache yet
Harper's Bazaar.
Little but active--are DIR. Pierce's
Pleasant Pellets. Best Liver Pills
made; gentle. yet thorough. They
regulate and invigorate the liver,
stomach and bowels.
Lover: Sir, | am passionately in
love with your daughter. Have l
your permission to ask for her hand in
marriage? Practical Papa: That de.
pends What is your asking price !?
Boston Transcript.
"a cynic is man who is tired Of
the world, is he not ?" the young lam
guage student asked. No, no, my
child" replied the knowing tutor.
"A cynic is a man of whom the
world is tired"
She: Will you write to me on your
return to college? He: Why-er-you
know 1 can't write She: Oh, l
don't expect you to write brilliantly or
amusingly; just write as you talk
Princeton Tiger.
"Mable," said her mother, "unless
you have pressing business this even
ing" 81 haven't mamma" inter-
rupted Mabel "This is Georges
evening; Harry doesn't come till to-
morrow night."--New York Herald.
Peace reigned in the world, we are told, at