The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-02-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Water crackers--Ice picks.

A circuit judge-The electrician.
love the music that handorgan plays:
l 'ove it, that's, when it's far away,
Puck.
As soul-stirring invention the bastin-
ado is worthy eminent mention. Boston
Courier.
When handsome girl comes out, her
papa has to come down handsomely
Boston Transcript.
Notwithstanding the fact that the last
laugh is best, every story teller seems
anxious for you to have it.
Wives of great men oft remind us.
We should pick our wives with care:
So we may not leave behind us
Half our natural crop of hair.n
When pretty woman goes to a man
with her troubles she is likely to gain
his sympathy, his heart, and more
trouble.
Yabsley-"Does your wife ever choose
your clothing for youS" Wickwire--"No;
she merely picks the pockets. ."-IHdlan.
ap0liS Journal.
The cautious nature of the Indians ma,
account for their preference for accept
ing official statements with reservations.
-BaltimOre american.
Miss Flirthard-'I think Mr.. Great
heart is so silly" Miss Likewise-"Why
so2" Miss Flirthard-"Why, he gets
serious so soon. Boston Courier.
"Women's voice is best adapted to the
telephone, they say" $50 have heard.
She seems to find plenty of other uses for
1t, though. ."-Indiandp0liS journal.
whats your fee for collecting thissn
He inquired with nervous thrill;
And the lawyer calmly made reply:
"The whole amount of the bill.n
Judge.
"John," said the wife of a dying
man, "here's DR.. Parsonberry come to
talk to you" "Tell him I'll see him at
the funeral" gasped John.-Ne,o York.
Sun.
Mr. Dudlet-'I have great talent, Miss
Caustic, and could do wonderful things
if | only had a mind to-" Miss Caustlc
-"Yes; you only lack the mind. -
C1mic.
He tells her how wicked he use to be-,
Till she shudders and softly cries LAP
But never, not ever, no, never does he
Tell any such yarns to her ma.
-IndidHapolis Journal.
"Now, John, "said Mrs. Depor1ue to
the new gardner, 81 hope you will re-
member all that have told you. Aud
whatever you do, don't forget 10 water
the eectric-light plant"
Miss Gushley-"Oh, what lovely
poetry. And did you really write this
out of your head2" Rimer (provoked)-
"No, indeed; was quite sane when l
wrote it, think. ."-B0Ston Ne10s.
Now that we have the safety bicycle
and the safety razor, it would nog be a
bad scheme of some inventive geniu5 to
gild the market with safety accordion,
for the benefit of beginners.-PacE.
Little Mani understand, sir, that
you have called me an unmitigated liar"
Big Man-"No, didn't use the word
unmitigated." Little Mau-"Then
accept your apology. ."-L0Rt0R Punch.
ave do our own weigh say the little fish,
As they wlggle their Iorked tails;
I'VE do our own weigh because, you SEQ
We always carry our scales. y
Detroit Free Press.
He-"You say you love me, but can
not be my wife. Is it because | am
poor2 There are better things in this
world than money" She-"Quite true,
but it takes money to buy them. "-Bos-
ton Budget.
Relative-"Well, / sincerely hope you
will be happy with him, Mandy. IS he
a steady young mani" Miss Mandy
"Steady2 My goodness Aunt Judy, he's
been coming to see me for more than
eleven years. - Chicago Tribune.
He (despairingly)-"It doesn't matter
if have got lots of money, cannot for
get that my grandfather was a stage
driver She (sweetly-"That's all
can refer to your ancestral
haul without going into particulars. -
Bro0EiyR Life.
Fashionable Tourist (wiping his fore.
head on the Alps as he suddenly turns
round a rock)-''Just to think of it Here
I've climbed six thousand feet up the
side Of this mountain only to meet face
to face one of my heaviest creditors. ~
FiiegeRdo Biaetter.
He--"What made you think that pic.
turc in the Academy was mine2 You
must be judge Of style, because it was
unsigned. She (modestly-''You fiat
ter me. really didn't know it was
yours until l saw everybody laughing az