Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1892-07-06
HOW TO SING A ooMic SONG.

Some Sarcastic Directions for Those Who
May Be About to Adopt the Stage.
Here are few words of counsel as to the
rules and regulations which govern the
orthodox singing of the Modern comic
ditty.
Our experience has been larpe and varied.
We have listened to the roaring of the
Lion Comique." We have borne without
murmur the onslaughts of a hundred
"Dashing Serio Comics" The smoking
concert funny man has had us at his mercy.
The drawing room amateur has made us
wish we had never been born.
We make these observatiofs more in sor-
row than in anger, but Ion course of i'll
treatment at the hands of the irrepressible
comic flend, who has neither vbice nor
sense OF humor, and whose attempts at
MARTY are about as mirth provoking as
the performance of an undertaker's mute,
has made us thirst for his eor.
The first thing every comic singer must
do when he faces his audience is to tilt his
hat to the back of his head This hoary
old practice, dating from the time of Me
thuselah, is supposed to send the listeners
into commissions and toimperil their waist
coat buttons When the facetious vocalist
tits his hat every spectator knows at once
that the effusion is o comic one, and not
the funereal chant he otherwise might
think
The performer will next assume the pc
culiarly vapid and imbecile smile, as per
long established precedent. At this point
Che man with TIE big drum must be in
structed to belabcr his unotfending instru-
ment. The singer must then clasp his
hands across his waistcoat, as though
seized with an attack of stomach ache. He
will then proceed to twiddle his thumbs
and gaze up a. the ceiling with the afore-
said vacuous stare.
Now is the time for the music to strike
up. The vocalist must assume a look of
injured innocence and forthwith proceeds
to eXpostulate with the leader of the band.
This bit Of business, which is Indispensable
to the correct singing of every soul depress-
ing ditty, dates from the time of Noah.
A start being made and the first verse
delivered, the chorus is arrived at. 1t is
an urwritten law that the chorus of every
comic song shall be sung twice over. This
NUT on no account be neglected, for it is
an article of faith with all comic singers
that an audience would rather perish than
Re defrauded of the regulation double dose
of chorus
Having duly administered a surfeit of
chorus, the performer proceeds to cap it
with number of spoken lines. These
must be religiously sandwiched between
every verse, or the listeners will want their
money back. Anticipated Joe Millers or
decrepit jokes may here be introduced with
much effect.
In delivering the second verse, the gen
tleman who 'Obliges" must not fail to in
sert his thumbs into the armholes of his
waistcoat. If there are any saturnine
hearers who failed to be convulsed with
laughter when the hat was tilted, this &C.
ton, which Is regarded as excruciatingly
funny, is expected TO send them into hys.
terics, and to necessi re their being VIC
lently thumped on tts hack.
The remaining couplets being ended, and
the inevitable chorus being trotted out
once more, the entertainer must be ready
with his ''encore verses To be unpro
vided with encore verses" argues an
amount Of modesty on the part of the
comic singer which is absolutely unique
London Tit-Bits.