Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-02-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A double chin-when two women
meet.
You can't measure girls love by its
sighs. -Elmira Gazette.
OF two women choose the one that
will have you.-Texas Siftings.
Nebraska has an Indian lawyer. OF
course he is Sioux.-Minneapol Tri-
bune.
The dark ages are the ones that elderly
spinsters refuse to divulge.-St. Joseph
News.
1t is when the turkey is in the oven
that the cook studies Browning. g.-Lowel
Courier.
A literary man becomes noblemau
when he is baron of ideas. Lowell
Courier.
A statesman can always get pull by
gong to the dentists ce.-Bingham-
ton Republican.
There are too many people in tho
world who use their nest eggs to make
cake of.-Atchison Globe.
Smiles that crack in the middle with
their metallic hardness convey but little
cordiality. Charleston News.
When wild young men start out for
fun they are going to have it if they have
to fight for it.-Dallas News.
Of course it is possible for woman
to be ''fair and square" but we like her
better if she ls round. Boston Post.
The debtor may have the consolation
of knowing that there is always some-
body thinking of him. Columbus Post.
Mrs. Bacon-'tWhat sour look DR..
Pill has" Little Minnie--'I guess he
takes his own medicine, mamma. y
Statesman.
Stephen Tehee has been elected second
chief of the Cherokee Nation. Well,
we should giggle.-Memphis Appeal
Avalanche.
A mans character is like photo.
graphic negative. 1t is black until it
has been subjected to the chemistry of
circumstances.
"Did Ann gain much by going to
Vassar2" eyes. She gained au E on
Brooklyn Life.
ga man can accomplish great deal,"
said the Missouri Judge, ''if he only has
time-therefore l give you four years."
columbus Post.
"This is bad sign," says Hicks, as
the shingle of Bludboory, Blithers t Co.
has blown from its place and landed ON
his high hat.-Harper's Bazaar.
The man who never puts off till to-
morrow what he can do to day must in
evitably eat great deal more than is
good for him.-Somervllle journal.
"Let's go into the restaurant aud get
something to eat" "But I'm not hun
gry." ''That's no matter; you will be
before you get anything. It'd Bits.
"Why do you go to the concert if you
don't care for musicg" "To amuse my
self. You have no idea how happy I
feel when it's over. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
Patient-''Doctor, fancy, somehow,
I've got a touch of the gout." Doctor
"Fancy, my dear sir If you had, you
wouldn't fancy-you'd now."-Comic.
He-ssI never can understand you,
but 1 suppose that's natural" She
"Why9" He-"Well, 1 suppose its i'm
possible for pretty girl to be plain" -
New York Press.
81 am afraid that George is trifing of
me-" ssWhy, dcar2" .'He has been
telling me am too good woman to be
the wife of such man as he is. "-In-
dianapolis Journal.
New Clerk-"What do the jobbers
mean by putting &c. o. d. on all the
packages they send usa" Jeweler--'I
guess they think we are a little tishy."-
jewelers. Weekly.
Watts-"Every man has his own
secret sorrow, guess" Potts-"Yes,
indeed. Even the happiest appearing
man has skeleton in his midst. In
dianapolis Journal.
'All is fair in love and war, isn't itl"
she said. 81 don't know" he replied
doubtfully, "I've been in love a good
many times, but never was married. -
Detroit Free Press.
'How are you coming on with your
tragedy" "Better than expected I've
killed off all the principal characters ex-
cept two, and they are not on speaking
terms. Texas Siftings.
''A cynic is man who is tired of the
world, is he not9" the young language
student asked. 'No, no, my child" re-
piled the knowing tutor. "a cynic is
man of whom the world is tired"
aboutG" asked lady of her little son,
who had attended church. ''He preached
about two hours, ma" said the