davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
RHYNKLES AND RHYMELETS.
SIS Mike a good worker?"

SIS Mike a good worker?"
s'Oh yes: fair.''
srRegular?''
ssReguIar as clock work Strikes every hour.''-
Judge.
THEY'RE now made one, who once were two,
No more till death to part;
He matched a shade for her and that
Was how he won her heart.-AeD York Press.
At different times Willie had been told
of the man in the NOON and that the moon is a
green cheese Putting the two statements together,
he exclaimed one evening. The man in the moon
must be very hungry these nights"
''Why, dear?''
Bazar.
"Have you heard of Howell Gibbons lat
est infatuatlon?''
..He has become addicted to the chrysanthemum
habit. PUCK.
He knelt in front of the furnace,
In the morning cold and gray.
And wondered with growing ferver
If the fire would burn that day.
He kneIt and he blew upon II
Till his back grew limp and lame
And he tells his friends of the sorrow
That comes from an old, old fame.
-Udshtn0toR STIR.
Stage Manager-Here! Herel Who rang
up that curtain? The act can't go on without me.
First Heavy-rm blest If 1t seems to get on with
Brooklyn Eagle.
Sunday School Teaeher-Why did David
use a sling to kill Goliah?
Little Boy-'Cause he hadn't any giant powder
for gun!-Tsr1s Siftinos.
Mix the fruit and mince the meat;
Add rum for strength and sugar for sweet,
And let the crust be rich and thin;
And then to have all complete,
just cram lively nightmare in.
Judge.
Mrs Spotcash (entering her husbands
counting room in great agitatiOn)-Oh. Williani
who is that rough-looking man just outside your
door with queer valise in his haHu? Is he-is be
one of those terrible dynamite cranks?''
Mr.. Spotcash (pale as sheet)-Worse, Carolinei
He's plumberp'-Chicaoo Tribune.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
1T TOOK SEVEN YEARS.
A Postal Gard on Its Travels From Louis
vile to Chicago.


CHICAGO, Jan. 9-Louisville is city in
Kentucky, about a pleasant daylight jour
ney from Chicago. At O'Clock on the aft
ernoon of September 16, 1884, an innocent
unassuming 1-cent postal card was stamped
in the Louisville postofice. Across its
placid front was written, "Western Leather
Co., rs and rs Wabash Avenue Chicago,
Ill., and the script on the reverse side was
subscribed "Chilton Guthrie s. Co." There
was nothing else about the appearance of
the card that was radically distinctive. 1t
was a plain, ordinary card of regulation
Government standard and make, but it was
lazy.
There was an indecision about its move
ments, a lack of energy; species of abjecJ
slowness attached to it that distinguished
it from its fellows, for it reached Chicago at
6 O'Clock P. NJ, December 81, 1891, just seven
years, two months and fifteen days from the
time it was dropped in the Louisville post
Office slot. During that time the firm to
which it was sent has changed its location
four times and its makeup three times. From
the dirty, muddy and woebegone appear
ance of the laggard it is presumed that it
walked to Chicago. The question is: Where
has that postal card boen for seven years
and oYer?"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
BLoUET's BELATED WIT.
He Arrives Late, Finds Everybody in Good
Humor and Puts Them in Better.

Humor and Puts Them in Better.
Monsieur Paul Blouet MAX O'RelD evil
IDENTIFY prefers taxing his memory to taxing
his mind; for, borrowing an O'Rellism, his
cduse,fe Hterafre ct huinOristique in Carnegie
Hall last night was exactly the same as was
his discourse in Sewickley several weeks
since, and ut the same time is said to be
either an epitome of or extracts from his
'Frenchman in America" An audience
splendid in size and evincing the
best characteristics of Pittsburg's best peo-
pie awaited the distinguished Frenchman
for three-quarters OF an hour after the adj
vertised hour, Mr.. Blouet in the meantime
having the misfortune of learning that cable
cars are as uncertain and coy as Sir Walter
Scott's lidies and that boarding one in East
Liberty at o'clock is no criterion that you
will arrive in the city by 8. To obtain good
seats, since none were reserved, or rather
since all were reserved. many people arrived
$50.
but some turbulent boy shuffied his feet in
protest against this strain on his endurance.
Everybody followed suit and gave free vent
to his feelings by AN earnest stamping and
clapping. This brought Mi. Blouet's Chair
man, the Chancellor of the West
ern University, on the platform look
ing bit Hurried by reason as he said,
'of having an audience but no lecturer
on his hands, Dr.. Holland commiserated
with himself and with his hearers, and said
that since he was sure Mr.. Blouet was
as anxious to speak as they were to hear
him, he, DR.. Holland did not doubt that in u
case of cable cars versus Blouet, Mr..
Blouet would triumph. DR.. Holland disap-
peared amid storm of applause, winch
died away and then revived again, as the
delinquent Mr.. Blouet walked up the aisle,
headed by Prof. Henri Rollin Parkes. Mr..
Blouet's face was hidden in an immense
coat collar, but since Mr.. Parke's counten-
ance wore n smile of triumph, it is natural
to suppose that the lecturers was engaged
in a similar manner.
a gracefully worded speech, and then
Mr. Blouet, in evening Dress in
which, by the way he looks extremely well,
diverted his audience for the following
two hours. Preceding the subject proper,
the lecturer gave brief disserta-
ton on the philosophy o. travelling.
The cognomen Jonathan was explained
as not referring to the cosmopolitan and
might be Frenchman only for his Ian
guage or an Englishman excepting that he
was not born there; Jonathan represented
the type of the American: the man of the
masses; the man who saved his verbs etc.
Then followed philosophical observa tions,
pointed by observations; a thoroughly
O'Rell causerie, always witty, though, for
the reason stated heretofore, not as novel
as could be wished.
The reception given to Mr.. Blouet by the
audience was all that could be desired Mr..
Blouet came to Pittsburg last night for the
benefit of the French Mission established
Henri Rollin Parker. 1t is patronized by
the society and intellectual world of Pitts
burg, as well as by the French residents of
the city.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
MOUNDS OF ALUMINIUM.
A Comedian Who Says He Has the Mineral
in Plenty.

A Comedian Who Says He Has the Mineral
in Plenty.
SPRINGFIELD, o., Jan. 81. c. Stewart, the
comedian at the head of the Fat Mems
Club" who is immensely wealthy, says that
among his possessions is an island of $50
acres near the mouth of Chesapeake Bay,
upon which is an enormous pile OF white
clay.
adelphia chemist, and shows from 40 to IS
Der cent of alumina. By q new process dis
cove red by German chemist of Philadel-
phia he claims he can produce pure alumni
mum in commercial quantities at cost of
ready to divulge the chemists name. He
says that in three weeks he finishes the the
atrical season; then he and his associates
will begin the manufacture of aluminium at
once.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

Mr.. AMERMAN of this State proposes to
secure uniformity OF legislation on the SUBJ
ject of divorce by a constitutional amend
ment for the United States. This, as THE
DISPATCH has heretofore pointed out, is the
only sure way to obtain uniformity; but it
has the drawback to impatient reformers of
being good deal more slow than sure.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
MRS. HARRISON RECEIVES
The First Entertainments of the Kind +
the Season Yesterday.

the Season Yesterday.
WASHINGTON, d. c., Jan. 9.-Mrs Harrison
held her first public reception for the season
this afternoon, from to 5'o'clock, and there
was constant stream Of callers during
those hours. She was assisted by the wives
of Justice Gray and Justice Brewer.
The ladies invited to the Blueroom were
Misses Brice, Chandler, Morgan, Voorhees,,
Washpurn, Teller, Friess, Lodge, Herbert,
Bou telle, Lowery, Matingly, Williams, Scid-
more, Lieber, Amy Lieber, Breckenridge,
Edie and Edith Patten, Helen Patten, Paunce-
fote, Sybir Pauncefote, Parker and Carroll.
The Marine Band supplied the music.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

Now that the anti-Sims people in Ala
bama have taken to lynching women, they
rank themselves a good deal lower than the
original outlaws, who did not, so far as re-
ported, murder women either collectively or
individuality
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

SIR EDWIN ARNoLD's declaration that
the most moral people of England are its
aristocracy, reads in the light of recent
events like a crushing negation of the much
vaunted virtues of the English middle
classes.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
CHICAGO manufacturers are reported to

CHICAGO. manufacturer are reported to
have found on full experiment that crude
petroleum is a cheaper fuel than soft coal,
and that it is burned without smoke. 1t yet
remains to be decided whether its substitu-
tion would not be to barter the smoke and
fog of Pittsburg and London for a double
distillation of the smells of cologne; and
that is questionable bargain.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

THE Presidential theory seems to be that
it does not matter whether the china for the
executive table is made at home or abroad
so long as the kitchen ware is exclusively OF
American tin.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
The Demand of Stern Justice.
Chicago Tribune.1

Chicago IrlDune,J
When robber holds up train in the out.
skirts of Pittsburg stern justice DEGREES that
he shall be sent to the workhouse for 80
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

PoSTAGE-An persons who mail the
Sunday issue of The Dispatch to friends
should bear in mind the fact that the post
age thereon is Two (2) Cents. All double
and triple number copies of The Dispatch
require a 2-cent stamp to insure prompt
delivery.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
Free Speech a Terrible Evil.

Chicago Tribune.1
Mrs. Lease, of Kansas, will make no charge
for her speeches hereafter. Thus you per-
ceive, tree speech may become q terrible
evil.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

themselves. 1t looks as though they will
have an earlier opportunity for such juSti-
ilcation than they expected
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

ToIl9atory contributors should Keep copies Of
articles. II compensation s desired the price
expected 1n1lSt Be named. The courtesy Of re-
turning rejected 1lGEuScyiptS 1CiU Be extended
Ute1l stamps for that purpose are ifc1osed, b1d
the Editor OF THE DISPArCH sc1U sn16er no cir
cnstaRces be responsible yor The care Of <uaSoiic-
Iied manuscripts.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10

POSTAGE rErE IN THE UNITED STATES.

This issue OF THE DISPATCH contains
20 pages, made up of THREE PARTS.
Failure on the part of Carriers, Agents,
Newsdealers or Newsboys TO supply patrons
with a Complete Number should be prompt
" reported to this Office.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
Perhaps DIR. Keeley Would Suit.

Chicago Times.l
John P st. John has regretfully declined
to run for President on the Prohibition
ticket How would DR.. Kelley suit the drys
for second choice?
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
The Press Clubs ! delegates.

The train bearing the Eastern delegates
to the Press Club Convention must be near
ing its destination, and any unusual glow
that may be noticed in the Western sky
these nights may safely be credited to the
hospitable efforts of San Francisco's news
paper men, who are sure to play the host in
grand style. Everyone who has visited San
Francisco talks of the generous warmth of
the welcome its people give to the stran-
ger. Fortunately Pittsburg has sent del
egation this time that will appreciate kindly
treatment and at the same time reflect it.
The delegation represents the Press Club Of
this city uncommonly well. Tom keenan,,
George H. Welshons, Will H. Davis and
L. D. Bancroft are the four lucky dogs. Mr..
keenan, has had so much to do with the
creation of the International League or
Press Clubs that he could i'll be spared from
this the second convention. The brilliant
"St. Geo." is sure to make Welshons a
synonym for good company on the Coast,
and if he doesn't add new piquancy to
the great institution of poker the Cali
fornians will have cause for complaint. For
the further illustration of the capability of
Pittsburg's. journalists in this and other
directions the impetuous Billy Davis and
the indefatigable Ban may be relied upon.
Not much has been heard from the party
since the solid train of Wagner palace cars
swallowed it and rolled away westward.
Two kilograms that have been received
indicate that there is nothing funereal
about the procession. One dispatched be-
fore the train reached Chicago adverts to
ga splendid time;" and curiously enough
the other telegram after Chicago had been
left behind alluded also to "a splendid
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-10
A January Thaw.

Last month my Julia frozen seemed.
And quite beyond my reach deemed,
She was so coldly kind.
Her ieweled words were all of ice;
Now ice in summers very nice,
But now-not to my mind.
Still when the snow came down apace,
nortgaged all 1 had with grace,
And asked her out to sleigh.
We rode together many mile;
Twas cold, but she was not-Don't smile,
Wait just another dayl
Next day the sleigh's again in line;
whisper wildly: ''Wilt be mine?''
Says she: 'Please see my Pawl"
No ice chung round that mufled ''yes;''
And meier so welcome was, guess,
A January thaw.
HEPBURN JOHNS.
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16
THEY WERE HONEST THEN,

When campaign is over and can didate defeated the papers of his party are apt to speak the truth about him.
 It is interesting, just now, to turn back to the Democratic papers issued just after the election of 1888. The opinions expressed then do not, -in all cases, tally we'll with those being ut tered now by the same papers. The New York World, for instance, is now a supporter of MT. Cleveland and, of course, recommends hIm to it's party a model Democrat. But on January l2, 1880 the World said of him and the cam paign in which he was defeated:
 It was not a fair trial. Because the Democratic party neither controlled nor lays claim to having controlled the administration of President Cleveland. Therefore it cannot be held responsible for the results of that administration, neither for the injury his vacillating course has done to the cause of civil ser vice reform, nor for doing "the rigl.t thing at the wrong time," in precipita- ting the tariff issue on the perilou- edge of presidential campaign, nor for the other multiplied mistakes of the president, nor for his obnoxious per sonai acts or characteristics. This is a constitutional government, and there fore government by party. The president is chosen to represent the principles and purposes of majority of the people. When he ignores their wishes, seeks no counsel of their leGG- CTS and erects a personal administIi- tion of his own, ne alone is responsible. The Democratic party, as is now well established, really carried tine sta es which will cast majority of the eler- .oral votes for General Harrison, and SO the candidate, and not the party, were defeated in the recent election"
 That this opinion of MT. Cleveland | was held by large number of leading Democrats is well known. There is no evidence that MT. Cleveland has | changed since 1888 and there is no req son to believe that the Democratic poli- l ticians believe he has changed. It can ] not be expected, therefore, that such | papers as the World, and such politi- cians as Gorman, Brice and Hill, will be | enthusiastic in his support when they know he will go stubbornly forward in his career of blundering, turning q deaf ear to counsel, placing his own judge | ment iarabove the judgement of the leaders of his party.
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16
A GREAT MAN GONE.

The man who successfully laid the Atlantic cable has peacefully passed away. The undertaking was regarded as utterly visionary and the difficulties that surrounded its accomplishment were almost as insurmountable as those which well nigh discouraged Colum bus in the middle ages. But Cyrus w. Field was constructed of the material from which heroes are made, and he succeeded in joining worlds together where generation might nave failed.
 The closing months oi. busy life we're shadowed by .the misiortuhes, or worse, ol a favoriie son, but in the de- lirium Ol his last days all memory of this disgrace aud sorrow wac mercilully obliterated. In his mental wanderings he was carried back to the deck of the Great Eastern and was giving his or ders for the paying out "l the magical stEands that have immortalized the name oi Cyrus N. Field. The renem- brancus oi the ruling ambition of his career were strong even in death.
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16

tage of the siphon principle, The water cannot of course he raised beyond thir- ty-threc feet, bat thatis high enough for all purposes in a country establishment.
 A largo siphon tnirty-three feet high is placed in water and set to drawing and dlscharging the fluid in the usual man. ner. But at the top, in the neck of the siphon, is placed receiving chamber for the water, with valve which cuts 1t off from the vent pipe just as that pipe is filled and has begun to discharge.
 The water which is thus caught in the receiving chamber is carried by pipe to a tank in the second story of the in- ventor's house and Is there stored, whence 1t can be used for domestic pur- poses or for irrigating the garden and for watering live stock. Of course suili- cient proportion must be maintained be- tween the upward and downward flow or the siphon would stop acting. The receiving chamber therefore does not cut of all the water that is sucked up, but sufficient quantity is allowed to flow of to keep up the motion. When the tank is filled the siphon is released from furrher service. A third of the water raised by it is drawn into the house tank.
 The idea Is worth following up in this country. It's practical adaptation is SO cheap and simple that the wonder is no. body has thought of it before
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16

Secretary Rusk did not get the Repub- hcan nomination for president or vice president, but he got what no other man has hitherto been able to do-he has obtained tho right of way for the American hog into Italy, Germany, Austria-Hungary, France, Spain and Denmark. He did it by having rigid regulations enforced on our hog at home, and so made foreign na- tions respect tho animal If now he will only enforce some regulations against the American hog who puts his feet upon car seats and spits all over creation, Secretary Rusk will be a greater man than George Washington. Uncle Jerry has done wonders with the American hog--can he do this?
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16

That is good bill which has passed the national house, declaring that h. dian children who have had ten years industrial training and are twenty-one years old shall be adjudged citizens of the United States and be entitled to no further government aid. This is the best way to settle the Indian question catch the Indians young, bring them up like white children. to work for their living, then turn them out to do it.
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16
A lInsr ntnrm nt hcn.

The British ship Berean, which re- gently made the voyage from Tasmania around Cape Horn to England, encoun. tered remarkable but not unusual phenomenon at sea, viz, storm of dust. After crossing the equator she fell into the northeast trade winds, and when about GOO miles west of the Cape de Verde islands, the nearest land. the Berean's sails and rigging were thinly coated with very fine powdery dust of a dark yellow or saffron color, scarcely discernible on or near the deck, but pro fuse on the highest parts of the rigging, so that the sails appeared "tannad "-
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16
A Venerable Pcdnrnrne.

Schoolmaster Johann Friedrich Schulze has just celebrated at Pankow the seven tieth anniversary of his wedding day. Johann is ninety-two years old and his wife ninety-one. The happy couple had the good fortune to see around them, in the festivities of the day, nine of their children, twenty-six grandchildren and fourteen great-grand- -Vossiche Zeitnng.
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16
NOtice-nesert Land Entry.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE.

UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE.
 TUCSON, ARIZONA, June 2j, iSs-.l complsint having been entered at this ottre by Nm. c. Suits against Chas. P. Krui for isli' u-e 10 comply with law ss to Desert Land Enlfy No. l,l13, dated January 25 lSSS, upon the whole oi section 20, township south, range G west, m MHrlcopa county, Arizona, with view Co the cancellation of said entry, contestant al eglng that said Cnas r. Kauf has failed Co comply with the provisions of the law since the date o hfs filings, in that he has not conveyed water upon nor cultivHted said tract of land and there are no evidence of any attempt halnR teen made either to irrirete or cultivate said tnct oi land.
 The contestant having filed his affidavit ID this office, Juue 22, 1892, setting forth the srs that after due diligence he could not obH'A personal service and that he believes hat lhe contestee is no longer resident ot this terr tory and askS that service may bC had by pub hcatiou in the PhPniN REPUBLICAN, paper published al PhpuiX, Arizona
 The same IS hereby granted and the Salu parties are hereby sunmOr ed to appear at thl' office on the Sth day of August 1892. at 10 oclocG a. m, to respond and furnish testimony con cerping said alleged failure. Hearing heioie Register and Receiver at the Tucson lana Office, August l5, 1892, at 10 o'clock g. IT.
 CHAS. K. DRAKE
 Receiver.
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16

Many churches and ministers have petitioned the Worlds fair authorities to close the exposition on Sunday. In opposition to this opinion one body of churches, representing the northern Massachusetts and New Hampshire Uni tarian conferences, petition the same authorities to leave the show open on Sunday as a silent exhibit" the art galleries and the display in general be- ing simply open for inspection, with no machinery running.
Arizona republican., 1892-07-16
To Be Popular as a TaIker.

We observe that an inquirer writes to 8 newspaper asking how she may be- come thoroughly good converser. We take the liberty of giving few hints herewith.
 First, if you want to interest people and draw them around you, talk about yourself first, last and always Tell them how gifted you were in your child hood, of all the teachers said to your mother, of the prizes you won. Tell them about the gowns you wore. how you were dressed when you were mar ried, how your fond parents cried over you when you left them, etc. Narrate the full tale of the poem you had pub lished in newspaper, how the editor remarked that it was the most extraor- dinary piece of verse he had read since Byron. Speak then of the offers of mar riage you had, of how Widgin blew his brains out because you refused him and Pidgin went crazy for the same reason. Speak of how rich you were and are.
 If all this has not produced the de- sired effect, begin then to talk about your ancestors. Tell how you are de- scended from the great Doodle family that were cocks of the walk in King James time. Mention your grand fathers talent, the honors that were showered on your great-grandfather. When everything else runs out, talk about your physical ailments. It does not matter which branch of the sub ject you take up, just so that the sub ject is always yourself and your own personal affairs. Big "I" forever.