Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1892-10-13

waist The breaking process angered
the yearling aud aud be split crack 10
the atmosphere towards the swamp
John only hit the ground IN hlgn
places. Ia their mad career they passed
a nelghbor, who yelled to john;
"Where are you going?"
"D-d if l know" he replied, as he
sailed through the air, task the bull.
HE HAD ALL THE BAIT IN HIS POCKET.
One peculiar feature Of this campaign
is that the Third party orators. relying
as they must, largely on the negro vote
are very cOnfeent TO say nothing OF the
Republican party. Orator Ham com
ments with great vigOr and effectiveness
upon this peculiar silence, and then pro-
ceeds to explain it by saying that lust
for Office is the lever that moves these
fellows. The Democrats have all the
offices. They want them. Hence the
abuse Of the Democrats and silence as
to the Republicans, who have none' ana
this, like most other things, reminds
him Of story.
"a white man travelling along river
road" he says, 'came upon an old
darkey and a little darkey sitting on the
bank fishing. Grown weary waiting for
a bite the little darby was nodding, and
suddenly tumbled of the bank into the
river. The old darby threw down his
pole aud Owed down after him. he
pulled him out, caught him by the feet
and slung the water out Of him, turned
him over and set him down with
thump, and said: Now, wake up, an
set dar, you lazy little rascal an don't
you fall in dat water no mo-
the white man who had stopped
said admiringly: THAT was very
brave act, old man-that boy is your
son, suppose
"'NO,' said the old darby Indignantly,
de little rascal alh't no kin to me, but
he mout jjst as we'll FER been. He had
all the bait in his pocket"
THE BRIDEGROOM AND THE GOLDFISH
BALLS.
Another one OK the pCculiaritles Of
| this campaign Is that the Third party
leaders advise their people not TO read
Democratic literature or to hear Demo-
cratic speakers, the classical and pic
/ turesque advice OF Mr.. Watson TO his
/ followers being to ''keep in the middle
OF the road and wait until come" The
/ mountain genius finds in this heretofore
unheard of proposition a rich Held for
his wit and satire.
He says there is something wrong
with the party whose adherents fear 10
/ hear the other side, that it is the man
with the paste diamond who is afraid OF
/ the light, that something is rotten in
/ Denmark when one white man is afraid
to hear another talk.
1t reminds him of a fellow up in the
mountains who got married in the oden
| days aud went by stage on bridal trip
I to Charleston. At the hotel the walter
| brought him Goldfish balls for breakfast.
I lie had never seen any. He supposed
them TO be fritterS, He stuck his fork
/ In one OF them aud took bite OF it. lie
/ liked the taste of IL but little and the
smell less. After several frantic and
unsuccessful attempts to mastaicate and
/ sequester 1t his stomach became critic
! ally rebelliOus. He took it out Of his
/ mouth, slipped it under the edge OF his
/ plate and, turning to his wife, said;
"Salie, the landlord looks like clever
! man and | wouldn't hurt his feelings, so
we won't say anything about it, but I'll
be - if there amt something dead in
| that bread"
WHEN THE CYCLONE STRUCK HIM.
Illustrating the idea that when the
/ election is over Watson will wonder
where be was when the cyclone struck
| him, Ham SAYS he Is reminded of the
| parrot whose owner wanted TO break
/ him OF curSing. He was told the first
/ time the parrot cursed 10 throw a
4 bucket OF water on him and whirl the
! cage round and round. The next morn
ing as he went out the parrot exclaimed,
/ Its hot day!"
Immediately the man threw bucket
/ OF water through the cage, whirled it
/ round and round until the parrot was
/ almost killed. The parrot gathered him
/ self together, shook the water out OF his
/ feathers, looked up at his owner and
/ Shrieked, "Where in the - were you
when the cyclone struck us"
HAMS PRIZE MULE.
| Commenting on the idea that the
| Third party stands no chance Ham
POI ntS out that the best men who start
/ ed out with 1t have returned TO the
Democracy. 1t reminds him of man
with a mule. He was long, lean, lank
I Georgian, with jeau pants, red shoes and
one gallus fastened with a nail at one
I end aud button at the other. He was
| gallOping his mule up and down in front
OF a country doggery. The mule was a
acknowledging specimen, one ear set
forward and the other backward. His
hip bones stood out like pegs on hat
rack aud his ribs showed through his
hide like a hoopskirt through a calico
frock on windy day, He was sore
back and wind-galled and saddle-rubbed
and harness-marked all over, The fellow
would gallop up and stop and as sort
of general callenge To the crowd would
swear that he had the best mule in
I Georgia.
eyes" said one OF the hangers on,
lounging over the balustrade, with
three or four drinks of corn liquor I'M
der his hickory shirt, "he'S a durn good
mule"
"How do you know said the rider
sharply,
because see the buzzards had him
and he got away"
HAHN Is UNGALLANT.
After jumping on the woman's suf-
frage plank he asks the boys in a conf