Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-09-15

She-"Because men haven't any,
Life.
THERE will be more stumpage to
the acre in the treeless prairie States
during the campaign than there ever
was in the pine forests. -BinghamtOn
Republican.
NATURALIsTs say that a single
swallow will devour $1,000 flies in
one day. A single swallow can down
a good many good resolutions, too.
St. Paul Globe.
SOCIETY REPORTER-Mrs Skihigh
complains the picture we printed
does not look a bit like her. EditOr--
That's lucky. We can use it for some
one else then. lid
YABsLY-Do they set pretty appc-
tiZing meals at your house, Nudge?
Nudge - Appetizing? 0, YES. A
fellow gets up hungrier than when he
sat down.-Indianapolis Journal.
SoUTHsEA ETIQUETTE. - He-"Do
you know that woman over there?"
She-"Well, yes and--er-no. If [
meet her full face, | bow; if I meet
her profile don't see her. Judy.
AS THE mistress of the most popu-
lous empire in the world, Queen Vic
toria even excels the ordinary woman
in the number of subjects she can
talk about. -Philadelphia Times.
Il HATE Smithwick," says Brown
stone, land ] am glad his boy is
musical" "Why?" asked his friend
Because I am going to give MIN an
accordion. Boston Transcript.
HUNGRY HIGG1Ns-Please, mister,
can you gimme 10 cents to help me
buy d Drink" NAV, a loco
motive. / see in the papers that a
good locomotive earns 800 a day.
Indianapolis Journal.
WEARY WATKINs-I've just fig
gered out what I'd orter been. Hun
cry Higgins-Well, wot? Weary Wat
kins-I think I'd make a flrst-clasf
rich invalid indianapolis Journal.
CUSTOMER - Haven't you made
those pants too short? Tai]or-Der
pants vas all right; but your legs vas
too long .-Texas Siftings.
TEASING Friend-Whatm makes that
new baby at your house cry SO much,
Tommy? Tommy Gndignantly)-It
don't cry SO very much-and, anyway,
if all your teeth was out, and your
hair off and your legs SO weak that
you couldn't even stand On them
guess you'd feel like crying yourselfs
Life.
GEORGE BILL1NG-DO you know,
the physicians declare that kissing is
apt to produce disease called-I've
forgotten the name-but-- Maude
Cooling mind, George;
I've been vaccinated.-Puc
W1FE-My goodness! How did you
lose your eye? Was it one of those
horrid boys with an air gun? There
is law against Husband-Nos
this was all right and legal. 1t was
a woman with an umbrella. Puck.
A FEW years ago there was man
in Devonshire who had six or seven
very corpulent daughters. When
asked how many children he had his
answer was generally something Of
this kind II have three boys and
about thirteen hundred weight Of
girls. "-Tid-bits
BESSIE NORRIS (coquettishly)-"I'm
not crowding you, am /? Have you:
plenty of room?" Ed Stillman stu
pidly)-"Oh, yes-thanks; Pm just as.
comfortable as though you were not.
there. "-Exchange.
LITTLE BOBBY Mamma, the boys:
is goin' to have circus. May act?"
Mamma-"Oh, I suppose SO. What
are you to do?" Little Bobby
"Nothin' much. They is going to-
have pyramid of sixteen boys an all
/ has to do is to stand on top GOOD
News.
Mrs. BooDLER-"It is a burning
shame that my husband was defeated
when he ran for alderman. Half the
people in the city would have hailed
his election with JOY" Mrs. Naboh
Console Yourself my dear neigh
Dor, with the thought that the other
half of the people are rejoicing that.
he was defeated. Texas Siftings.
MRS. A. (to lady friend) -"How do
you do, Amy? l have not seen you
for an age How are you, dear?"
Amy-"Very well, thanks" Mrs. A,
And how is your husband?" Amy
-"Well-er-did you not hear that
we were divorced two months ago."
Mrs. A.-"Oh, then he is all right,
too" And now they don't speak
when they pass by. Exchange.
Rev. DIR. PRIMRosE-I'm glad to
boar that vo1r husband has piven ny
melon stealing. 1t is some comfort
for me to feel that perhaps my poor
words have had something to do with
his reform. Mrs. Johnson Dat
wasn't de reason, sab. Yo' see OBJ
late de poo man wuz gettin' kotched.
ebery tiDae-New York Sun.