Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1892-07-13
FUNNY AMERICAN SLANG.
A Simple Sentence Creates an Amusing
Scene In n Deyonshira Church.


Scene in Devonshire Church.
1t was the privilege of a certain De-
troiter to be invited to the country seat
of delightful English family in Devon
shire. He is rather shy, and although
accomplished and good story teller,
did not make great efforts to foist his
talents upon the congregation of guests
who were assembled there and who COM
prised many bright people. One of the
daughters finally said to him:
"Mr. G., do you know one thing
which has surprised me awfully?"
"No. What is it?'
"You have been here week now and
haven't used any slang"
"Well, really don't think that p
"Oh, please use some just to oblige
me. l have heard so much about
American slang!'
Il can't think of any just now, but
I'll tell you what I'll do. The first time
think of something I'll say It,"
Every we'll; but mind, it must be aw-
fully American, you know"
The next Sunday every one went to
church, for the family homestead was
located near village which was said to
be one of the most orthodox places in
that part of England. No one would
even ride to church, except those who
were too old to walk or were disabled.
The American walked with the eldest
daughter, and her five sisters came on
behind, for, like most English families,
the girls were in the majority.
When they were all seated and the
guests managed to crowd into the little
church, the choir, composed Of village
girls, sang in very pleasing manner.
Before beginning the sermon the min
lister, small man who spoke slowly,
said:
''It is with extreme reluctance-that
would call your attention-to the fact
that 1t is necessary-to realize small
sum-for the benefit of our choir-who,
as you know-have kindly volunteered
their services"
All the guests looked at one another,
for extra contributions for some pretext
had been the rule and not the exception
for the last three months.
II know that you have already-given
generously for various causes-and
dislike to tax-you all-but our young
friends-whose voices have just now
blended so acknowledgement pleasing
ly to the ear-are perhaps entitled-to
some slight recompense-for their great
services in the past-and their earnest
endeavors."
AS the minister proceeded, getting
more and more monotonous, until it
seemed as though he would never reach
the conclusion of his request, the Ameri-
can shifted uneasily and then, leaning
over, whispered to the girl who had
asked for little slang:
"Oh, tell him to cut it short and pass
the platel"
The girl was nearly convulsed with
laughter, but, managing to control her
self, leaned over and said to the sister
sitting next to her:
"Mr. - says to tell him to cut it
short and pass the plate"
The remark went along the line, and
when the five sisters had absorbed it
they were fairly shaking with suppressed
laughter. Then it was passed on to the
guests, and before the minister had con-
cluded his dissertation every one in the
church was striving to suppress outward
indication of merriment by means of
handkerchiefs. But when the plate was
really circulated the eldest sister Uttered
loudly and the five sisters followed, the
youngest whispering lightly:
"Cut him short and pass the PLATED"
The American was lion for the rest
of the day, and the half dozen girls all
We'd with each other i'll showering at
tentions upon him, while the old gentle
man, their father, declared that Amer
ican slang was awfully funny, don't you
know.-New York Telegram.