Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-12-01
SOME GOOD YARNS.

The ancient boots of Rev. DR.. Coyle
Of the First Presbyterian Church OF
Oakland, were for some time an eyesore
to his congregation. Preach he never
so elouuently, the thoughts of many
were kept from the skies and upon
those shocking boots. Finally, the
church editice was renovated. Heavy
new carpets were placed upon the floor
Of the auditorium and on the pulpit
platform. This emboldened one of the
lambs Of the flock to write to the pastor,
admonishing him that the new carpets
really seemed to call for new number
mines. The next Sunday morning Rev.
rayed in hashv patent feathers. Either
by accident or design the choir opened
the services with the anthem, "How
Beautiful are the Feet of Those Who
Serve the Lord. San Francisco E.r-
dnllaer.
A few years ago the wife of a worthy
citizen OF Lisbon died. The man was q
good hearted man, but little accustomed
to the conventionalities of life and per-
haps not possessed of the most intellect
in the world. The funeral of the good
woman occurred ut the church, and the
husband was about the only mourner.
During the sermon, which was a little
long, the man thought he would like u
smoke. Accordingly he repaired to
the front steps of the church. lighted his
pipe and was soon taking what comfort
came along. whats the matter,
John ?" he asked. Lost my wife"
lugubriously. 'No!" in surprise. Eyes,
l have, by gosh. If you don't believe
it, 60 in theresand see." The neighbor
took his word for it.-Banyor CONNER
cial.
Many good stories have been told of
the beadles of the Scottish churches.
The latest is as good as any. One Sab
bath morning, when a minister of an
Ayrshire Established Church was about
to enter the pulpit he found that John,
the precentor, had not arrived. He in
structed the beadle, who was also bell
man, to ring the bell for five minutes
longer, while he waited to see if John
came. When he returned the minister
inquired, "Has John come YETI" "No,
SIR" answered the beadle. Most
extraordinary What are we to do?
l see no help for it, but you must take
Johns place yourself for a day." "Ah,
no SIR" replied the headle; II couldna'
dae that. Aiblins / could tax your
place, but l couldna' TAX Johns -
Boston Irdreler.
At recent boarding-school examina-
ton for girls one of the tasks was an
essay on boys, and this was one Of the
compositions just as 1t was handed IN
by girl of II: ''The boy is not an
animal, yet they can be heard con-
Il J., l;e%., hn1 To- 20
he opens his big mouth like frogs. but
girls hold their tongue till they are
spoke to, and then they answer respect
able and tell just how 1t was. A boy /!
thinks himself clever because he can ,
wade where it is deep, but God made
the dry land for every living thing and
rested on the seventh day. When the |
boy grows up he is called husband.
and then he stops wading and stays out
at nights, but the grew up girl is a
widow and keeps house. ''-BtWalo Ne,cs.
L
Little Johnny-"Dogs don't need to
their bark" Nisitor-"Can you ?''
Little Johnny-"E as rollin' off log.
When my dog is at the door and barks,
that means he wants to come IN; if he's
inside the door and banks, that means
he wants to get out" Visitor
'Humph! Suppose he is half inside
and half outside and barks, what does
that mean?' Little Johnny--''That |
means that there's bigger dog than !
him in our yard. Good Necs.
L |
There are many absured college yells. |
but the palm for downright idiocy may |
without hesitation be awarded to one |
that comes from the wild West. The |
Kansas State University class has this: |
Johnnie took bite, Susie took !
chew; rock chalk, jay hawk, class of
49,"
Teacher-"I have told you of Louis |
kossuth and what he did. l have also |
just said that he recently received a !
congratulatory address from the Hun
garian Diet. Now, who can tell me |
what the hungarian Diet is?" Little
boy formerly of Hazleton, Penn. y
"Most any thing they can lay their !
hands on. Street d Smiths Good Ne,cs. |
Stranger-"Call your paper great ad-
vertising medium, do you? 1t isn't |
worth shucks. l put in an advertise
ment last week and didn't get an ans
wer, not one" Editor-''My, my
How was your advertisement worded ?"
poor young man wants |
a pretty wife who can do her own house
work. "-Ne,c York Weekly.
Wafrus Learher