davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Why they wouldn't marry-Miss
Goldburg-"I wouldn't marry you,
sir, if you were as rich as Cresus." "
Mr.. Hardrow-"Well, that's just
the difference; | wouldn't marry
you if you weren't" Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

"All is lost save honor" groaned
the lamb fleeced in Wall street.
"And that is not worth a continen-
tai here" growled his partner. -
Detroit Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Cora: You'd make "a trusted
bank cashier, Jake. Jake (much
flattered): Why so, dear? Cora
(yawning): You'd never "skip
out."-New York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Don't you think baby is like
mamma, George?" asked Mrs.
Honeyton. "Very. He talks all
the time but never says anything
New York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Dressing for the Theater.-She
Coming down stairs -"Well, I'm
all ready now, Henry" He Cat the
door)-"All right, | just ran around
while you were dressing and took
in the first act, so | can explain it
to you. The second one will begin
in moment."-New York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Photographer-"Is there any
particular way in which you would
like to be taken?" Mr.. Sim john
sing-"Yes, sab. If dere's no de-
lection I'd like to be taken a light
cream color" Smith, Gray & Cos
Monthly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Haven't you forgotten some
thing, sirp" .hinted New York
waiter insolently as a guest was
leaving the table. "Ah, yes, thanks
i believe have;" and the guest
took a half-dollar from under his
plate and, with a pleasant smile,
put il back into his pocket.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Friend-"What did he say to you
when he proposed to you?" Miss
Rox-"He said life without me
meant nothing" Friend-"He was
sincere in that. That's just what
his possessions amount to."-New
York Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

He-"And, darling, what does
your father think of my suitP"
She (sobbing)-"He thinks it is a
misfit." It'd
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Pessimist--"The Koran forbids
wine, but permits several wives,
knowing well that no sober man
would marry more than one. Fiji
egende Blaetter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

1t is perfectly safe to compliment
a woman upon her chiselled features,
but she would hardly like to be
told that her head was turned
Boston transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

It is the man who has to live on
corn bread at home who finds the
most fault with the pie when he
travels.-Ram's Horn.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Dickey Club-"My college days
were ripe with experience" His
Chum-"Yes, | know. That is why
you were plucked. Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

There are some rich men among
the lawyers" "Well, they won't
remain very long rich if they've
got among the lawyers. ."-Dorches-
ter Beacon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Marriage will continue to be
failure till our young women learn
to support a man in the style he
has always been accustomed to-
Elmira Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08
HUMOROUS.

The worst case of misfortune
is being cut off in the will.-Col-
umbus Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Mr.. Straitup-"Ethel, ! would
like to have your sister Won't
you give her to mep"
Ethel-"No, sir. ] caught her
kissing Dick Short the other even
ing and she told me not to give her
away, so / won't either" Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

Fogg suggests that the reason
why fish is brain food is because
fish go in schools.-Boston Trans
cript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08
HUI M Phi r EYS'
Time Card in Effect.

This PRECIOUS OINTMENT is the
triumph of Scientific Medicine.
Nothing has ever been produced to
equal or compare with it as CURATIVE
and HEALING APPLICATION. 1t has been
used over 40 years, and always affords
relief and always gives satisfaction.
For Piles External or Internal, Blind
or Bleeding Fistula in Ano Itching or
Bleeding Of the Rcctum. The relief is
immediate = the cure certain.
For Burns, Scalds and liberation and
Contraction from Burns. The reliefis instant
the healing wonderful and unequaled.
For Bois, Hot Tumors, Ulcers, Fistulas,
Old Sores, Itching Eruptions, Chafng or
Scald Head. IL is Infallible.
For InHamed or Caked Breasts and Sore
Nipples. 1t is invaluable.
Price, so Cents. Trial size, IS Cents.
Sold BY Druggists sent postpaid receipt of price
uUnPHREys nED. CO., mans wIIHsm So, NEW YORK.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08
Teachers Examinations.


For the purpose of examining all persons who
may offer themselves teachers, for the public
schools Of Aipena county there will be held during
the year 1so2, public examinations as follows: Two
regular examinations, commencing on the
First Thursday In March and August.
Two special examinations, commencing on the
Last Friday I'm April and September,
To persons Of suitable age and good moral char
acter certificates granted on the following con
ditions Certificates Of the third grade 10 those who
attain average Of 20 per cent on all studies, and
at least 40 per cent each certificates OF the Sec
ond grade, only 70 those who attain an average OF
IS per cent. all studies and at least 90 per cent
on each certificates Of the first grade, 10 those who
attain average Of e5 per cent on all studies and
at least rs Der cent. each. One per cent Is AZ
lowed the candidate for each full days attendance
at any Teachers' Institute, held during the year
preceding each examination.
All nations will be held at the Court House,
IN the city Of Alpena, commencing at % O'Clock,
forenoon, Of each day.
Members of the Board are,
JOSEPH CAvANAGH. Alpena.
PROF. l.. n. NORTON,
JAMES A. CASE, Apena.
County Commissioner.
By order of the Board.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08
Godey's Lady's Book,

Box II. H., Philadelphia, Pa.
In Club with this paper, Godey's and the
ARGUS, price $3.50, which should be sent
to the office of this paper.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08
Detroit, Bay CITY & Alpena R.R.

Accom- Mail and Mail and Accom-
mediation. Express. Express. modation.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1892-06-08

by order OF the Board,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

Col. SHEPARD's Mail and Express is one
of the liveliest and most pretentious of the
Republican organs of New York. 1t has
become furiously anti Catholic in its poll
tics and made itself very offensive to even
many Professionals on that account. Sena-
tor SHERMAN recently had his attention
called to the circumstance as operating in :
juriously upon the Republican party and
has written letter saying the Mail and
Express does not express the views of Re-
publicans. The Senator says: II trust no
Republican desires to interfere with a
mans religious convictions, nor should
this question enter in any respect into the
domain of party politics." The NJ. e. E.
processes to believe that Catholics ac-
knowledge owing more allegiance to the
church than TO the country.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22
DON'T WASTE STRENGTH.

This talk about organizing silver parties
IN certain western states, the members
agreeing to vote only for a free coinage
candidate for President should stop. lest
the fool proposition be put into effect. and
one or two OF the states do that which will
deprive them of their electoral votes: that
is to say, will cause those votes to be
thrown away. The silver sentiment is so
intense in Montana and Idaho that perhaps
the scheme suggested might be carried in
those states, and six silver electors sent to
the electoral college to waste their ballots
on some fellow. OF ell the other western
states there is not one which could be in
duced to thus bite off its nose to spite its
face Those who advocate the project urge
the possibility Of so dividing the old parties
as to chose enough silver electors to throw
the election of the President into the House
a suggestion so ludicrous that one is sur
prised to find it advanced in some newsna-
pers heretofore supposed TO be conducted
aIong the lines Of common sense and with
at least ordinary intelligence AS has been
remarked what is popularity called the west
is mighty pig country-in the extent of
its territory, but when we come to size il
up in the electoral college ana learn that
the single state of New York has mora
votes than California, Colorado, Idaho.
Montana, Nevada, Oregon, Washington
and Wyoming combined, the mightiness
dwindles away very fast We can add IN
the states named, Kansas, Minnesota. Ne
braska, North Dakota and South Dakota
either of which is an empire and feels that
1t is great power in the land, and the two
states of New York and Pennsylvania will
oversize them all in the electoral collepe
In the face of these facts which everybody
should be familiar with, the threats Of
what the mighty west viii DO under certain
circumstances is ludicrous buster.
The thing for the west to do is tn kaen
on fighting for silver on the lines of aoi-
tation and education, doing ,his
within the parties. Independent action
will be idle, If it does not accomplish more
harm than good by alternating MANY in
fuential advocates now doing good work
within the parties but who could not ba
induced to make war upon their own poljti-
cal organizations over such an issue, Tho
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22
SHORT TARIFF LESSONS.

The revenue from the duties on wool
and wooden goods during the year ending
June 30, 1891, was more than fifty million
dollars, or more than SO per cent. of the
entire sum collected for customs. What
other government would make one of the
ordinary necessaries of life a principal
source of taxation? The tariff bill which
the Democratic party has recently passed
through one branch of Congress is de-
signed to take the duties entirely off wool
so as to admit the raw product untaxed
into this country, in order that by mixing
with native clips greater usefulness and
value may be given the latter in the manu-
facture OF clothing, carpets blankets, etc.
1t proceeds on the theory that taxation
should not put Atwood garments out of
the reach of the man who is able to buy
them. AS was disclosed in an
article written by DAVID A. WELLS it
Is no longer mere shoddy that is sold
as real wooden, but much cheaper and less
healthy stuff, and under the protection of
our tariff some of the manufacturers are
resortlng to adulterants that put to peril
the life of the wearer, although he is
oonged to pay for them prices that but for
that tariff would procure genuine articles
Indeed, with the disinfecting and cleansing
processes offered by modern science, and
with the machinery invented for resolving
the hbers of woven or knit fabrics so that
they may be used over and over again,
shoddy goods have acquired quality that
ranks next to genuine wooden in merit and
makes them quite aristocratic as compared
with the inferior and adulterated fabrics
that are now trying to crowd them outof
the markets.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22
The RUSSIAN RELIEF.

DO our people realize what is going on in
the east in the matter of collecting food for
the starving peasants of Russia? Already
two shiploads of -four have been sent to the
sufferers, the whole contributed by gener-
Gus Americans. A third ship will soon be
dispatched, the flour now being collected in
New York. 1t has been remarked that
Utah has as yet done nothing, and we have
been asked why this is So 1t is not be-
cause our people canpot afford to contrib
ute, Tor last year was a prosperous one for
THIS community, and the inhabitants of
Utah generally are financially IN good con-
dition; 1t is not because the people are
lacking in the spirit of generosity or want
ing in real sympathy, for on many occa-
sions have they proven the pos
session of these virtues in large de-
gree. 1t is because nobody has
made the appeal; because nobody has
come to the front, taken the initiative and
asked the people of Utah to send their
mite OF assistance to the hungry and suf
fering men, women and children of distant
Russia. If somebody will move in this
matter, we are certain that our citizens
Will cheerfully do their share of the great
humanitarian work now going on through
out America, where countless loads of
-four are being generously contributed to
the Russian relief fund.
Who will inaugurate the good work. and
give Utah people an opportunity to prove
their generosity and their belief in the
brotherhood of man?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22
MASSACHUSETTS ON SILVER.

The Massachusetts Republican platform
opposes free silver' and says sin view of
the decline in the price of bullion, pur-
chases by the treasury and the issue of GER
tificates thereon should be suspended for
a Time" This would express the senti-
ments of the party if it read suspended
for all time" The Republican party OF
Massachusetts, is the rich mans party. It's
opposition to silver coinage is very natural,
thoroughly. selfish, and easily explicable.
Massachusetts, is the center of New Eng
land, where $1,000, 100000 of western in
debtedness is held, and it is a matter OF
considerable concern to the holders of this
Indebtedness whether 1t shall be paid in
silver worth only one hundred cents on the
dollar, or in gold, worth one hundred and
thirty If the gold standard can be main
tanned it will permit New England credit
ors to squeeze $500, 900, 600 more out of these
western debtors than they are entitled to.
Here is reason why the monied interest
OF Massachusetts and the northeast is so
seriously hostile to silver coinage
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22


newt victims. We have ever esteemed
this wrong. Ones, native sense of justice |
revolts at it, for man is surely the most
blamabie in these great and abhorrent sins,
and on him should fall the heaviest punish
ment instead of being allowed to go scot
free We feel assured when men shall at
last stand before the final judge of right
and wrong the greatest responsibility will
De found resting upon him under whose
protection woman is placed; not only to
protect her from others but also from him
SELF. But while we believe all this, we are
not willing 20 go to the extent
that Commander BARTLETT does, and
say that woman can never be
blamed for these crimes. We believe that
woman can be blamed, and that justly, for
much OF this sin; and while we have often
regretted to see the heavier portion Of pun
lshment fall upon her, we have hoped that
IT would have the effect to make her guard
more carefully that priceless jewel of
Woman's soul-her chastity. At the risk of
pelng thought harsh, we say that we do not
think woman is punished too severely by
society for transgression of this HETHER-
INGToN kind. But we do say that it is
wrong to let the men go unwhipped of
justice, and manifest injustice is done by
society when one is punished and the other
permitted to escape. Let both be punished,
not to wreak vengence upon the already
unhappy fallen.-their condition had need
to challenge the pity of society rather than
Its anger or vengeance-but as warning TO
others who have not fallen, that those who
stand may take heed lest they fall. Let
that punishment continue until both find
wholesome repentance, and when found,
let both have an equal opportunity for
finding their way back into the favor of
their felloMs
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

best friends of silver will do their utmost
to keep the question out of party politics.
1t never has been political question and
ought never to be made one in the partisan
sense. Democrats and Republicans in
Congress alike favor and oppose free
coinage, and this is the case all over the
country. The fight is between the debtor
and creditor classes. between the rich and
the poor, between Republicans and Repub-
licans and Democrats and Democrats; it is
not fight between Democrats and Repub-
hcans, and no principle of either of the
great parties is involved in the controversy.
If the silver advocates will continue
with their campaign of education, one of
these days they will be victorious, and
silver will be restored to It's rightful place
In our monetary system, not by the act of
the Republican party or the Democratic
party, but because enough Democrats ana
Republicans, still maintaining allegiance
to their parties, have been convinced that
1t will be right and just and for the best
good of the people to fully remonetize the
white metal
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22
SLICK ONES.

Elmira Gazette: Jagson says that everyman's
bedroom set has lecture bureau
Yonkers Statesman: 1t was the man that Let
his voice fall who had cracked voice, we be.
lieve.
Life: Hojack-That new cruiser now being
built at Philadelphia is called commerce de.
stroyer. Tomdik-Then 1 suppose it will he
named Mckinley"
Texas Sgt,ngs: The inability of George Wash.
ington to tell lie left q gap in our national
system that his fellow-countrymen have used
every exersion TO fill.
Cloak Re0ieW: Mother-Joyful news! Clara is
provided for this summer. Father-What do
you mean? Mother-I find she has grown so
thather brothers clothes just fit her.
Brooklyn Life: "That looks queer. What's
Dobster going TO do with that canvass .Oh
that's the way Frank always starts. Gets his
signature on and then paints around it,"
Boston Post: ''If had the making of the laws
of this nation would hang the man who wrote
its songs, said old Girnlet as his son slammed
the door and came down the hall singing
Tara ra boom-d decay"
Washington Star: Don't you,n said the
young woman to the actor, "have to give nm
many things that are dear to you? Doesn't
your profession force you to trample on MANY
tiesy' IT. was the reply, you mean rail-
road ties, it does.''
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

THERE IS pleasing contrariety Of views
on the silver question by the Massachu-
sets and Pennsylvania Republicans, who
delivered themselves the same day, We'd
nesday. The keystone Republicans "op-
pose the free coinage of silver, but favor
the purchase of American silver at the
market value and issue of treasury notes
in payment" whilst their Bay state
brethren declare that in view of the de-
cline in bullion prices, such purchases
should be suspended. However, they
amount to about the same thing at last
making gold the only money.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

JUDGE BRADLEY of the supreme court
died several months ago. The courts
docket is over crowded. At best, it will
take several years for the accumulated
business now on hand TO be disposed of.
Then why is the vacancy not filled? Some
uncharitable persons are censorious enough
to think that possibly large number of
influential Republicans are waiting for this
plum, and that it will not be awarded IN
I'll after the Minneapolis convention. Win
it then be Attorney General MILLERs
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

COPENHAGEN April 20-The elections for the
tolkenthing resulted in an important victory for
the Moderates.
The foregoing appeared in our dispatches
yesterday. 1t can hardly be expected for
an everyday conpositor to know the diff
ference between body corresponding to
our House of Representatives ard talk-
ing thing, and indeed it is a very good
name for it, though the Danes style it the
sFolkething."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

PowDERLr SAYS the talk about him as
suitable person for the Presidency is mon
sense" which shows he has more good
sense than several other persons who have
been named in the same connection but
have made no such remarks.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

WHILST WE are all glad that the New
York legislator was rebuked for saving
naughty things about women in a speech
in the general assembly, some Of us find
great difficulty in depressing curiosity TO
know what il was he said.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

Mr.. CORNELIUS N. BLISS, of New York.
lately mentioned in presidential connec-
ton with Mckinney, of Ohio, saws it is
no such thing; he is for HARR1soy.
BLISS is not ignorant that it is folly to be
hlistared
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

Next WEEK state Democratic conven-
tons to 5Snd delegates to Chicago, will be
n9i2 in Pocatello, Idaho and Springfield
Illinois. Republican conventions in Ala
bama, Colorado, New Jersey, Nebraska and
New York.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

THE BRITISH government and people pay
Queen VICTORIA and her family $4,000, 900
year for the privilege of being ruled; and
yet we object 20 supporting the families of
hundreds of nabobs in the nine manufactu-
ring states of this Union who draw their
substance out of the remaining states. I'm
reasonable, isn't it?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

DEMOCRATIC RIVALRY for the gubernator-
ial nomination in Indiana has been very
strong. This shows it is not regarded as
as empty honor. Republicanism will be
swept of the face OF the state in November
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

PENNSYLVANIA REPUBLICANS object to
the Democratic attack or protection by
piecemeal If they don't like that mode
and give the grand preference to the other.
let them leave of their damnable faces
and begin.u
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

As THERE are said to be over 500, OOO, 900
stored at Porto Novo, Frances proposed
war in Dahomey is probably mora for the
treasures than for the suppression of the
slave trade.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22
WEATHER INDICATIONS.

The indications furnished by the United
States agricultural department through
First Lieutenant Finley in San Francisco.
For Utdh-ShoUers: stationary, follolued by
lolper temDerafalye
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

WE ARE glad to observe they have been
having an Australian ballot in Australia.
Heretofore they have been indigenous to the
United States.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

A New YORK school teacher has been
drawing pay for work on days when she
was not present Probably she mistook
herself for member of Congress.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

The GRAY rustlers Of Indiana were Sc
verely forbidden to do any branding in
CLEvELAND's ranch. 1t was all o. K. in the
roundup.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

The HEAVY earthquake shocks on the Pa
cifc coast are premonitory rum blings indi-
eating the great popular CONFUSION next
Nnvemhar
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

The DEMOCRATS of Indiana finally got the
horse before the cart, and the rig as
hitched up is in fine travelling condition.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

Now THAT Chief JANNEY has his new
dandy coppers," can we rely on him to
test the new broom adagea
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1892-04-22

IT Is a sign of the season that the trout
fishermen of the east are wearing wooden
mittens.