The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1892-01-30
Theory of Wedding Gifts.
From New York Tribune.


question of the wedding present Remin-
ders of the fact that one of the semi-annual
seasons of joy-from one point of view, woe
from another-is upon us are all too fire.
uuent. All the world seems mating. To
be sure, the country is prosperous, the crops
in the Western country are magnifcently
abundant, and the prospect that a young
man will be able to support his bride is,
therefore, reasonably good; but the founda-
ton of the confidence which impels the
masses of young Americans to take upon
the responsibilities of matrimony
is, after all, the firmly-fxed custom of Civ
ing wedding presents.
The question may offer no difficulties to
the wealthy, they leave an order with some
great jewelry house, and have it charged
up, and then 90 to the wedding and feel
repaid for their outlay of cash Or credit by
figuring prominently in the published ac-
counts of the fashionable affair. 1t is,
however, upon the unmarried young man
of tolerably wide acquaintance, whose in
come exceeds his living expenses by
small margin, which he fain would save,
but who does not feel that he can afford to
get married, that the custom bears with
peculiar severity For him nature, lovely
in May and splendid in October, has no
charms; for May and October, are to him
but synonyms for weddings galore, each
with lis obligation of gift The diff cul-
ty of selecting something which is not
likely to be duplicated half-a-dozen times
over is known to everybody; but is not one
tenth so formidable as the production of
the dollars necessary to buy that something.
There seems to be good GROUND for the
theory that wedding presents play weight
Ter part than love in the making of mar
riages, the majority of young men having
spent so much in these gifts that they de-
termine upon marriage in retaliation; and
the rest, discouraged by the periodical and
alarming drain upon their purses, become
misanthropic and confirmed in their bach
elor mode of life Heavily as the burdens
bear upon certain class, however, that
course should be followed which is produc-
tive of the greatest good to the greatest
number, and the wedding-present custom
should zealously be defended on the ground
that it is a powerful incentive to matrimo-
ny, and, as such, force working for the
benefit of society. 1t is a narrow minded
critic that will urge that marriage was be-
fore wedding-gifts were, and that affection
is better starting point for welded life
than revenge.
The conscious motive in making we'd
ding gift to friend or acquaintance is,
according to the enemies of the system,
either sincere regard, self-interest or moral
cowardice If he had to spend his money
only in cases arising under the first head,
they say, young man need have no fear
that his pocket-book would be Inconvenience
ly depleted. Those of the second sort are
recognized by them as much more frequent
of the sort illustrated by the lavish pro-
fusion of costly gifts showeredupon Tweed's
daughter at her marriage, or, to take
another example, by the remark ofa young
and not wealthy lawyer in an Eastern city,
who had responded liberally and practically
to the invitation sent him to be present at
the brilliant wedding of college acquaint-
ance in fashionable New York church !:
81 called on them a few months after the
wedding, and they couldn't do too much
for me- know that my present had Il
great deal to do with the warmth of my
reception.
The cases of the third sort need no COM
ment, say those who would destroy the
benifcent custom; everybody can readily
recall instances of them in his own expe-
rience-probably within the last month
and the effect of the custom, they urge, is
no less deleterious if the invited guest con-
fesses to himself that he would, albeit un-
willingly, have sent a gift had it not been
for an absolute lack of money, for his in
tention proves him to be wanting in moral
courage.
The wedding present custom, while it
tends to push love into the interior place
which it should occupy it this busy nine
teenth century world, powerfully aids in
the upbuilding of valuable traits, among
them thrift.
A certain young man expended larger
sum than he could afford on present of
silver to bride, whom he had long known
but with whose intended husband he was
only slightly acquainted. 1t was pleas
ing little home wedding, and he was one of
the few guests. A month later he learned
through friend in store where he had
made his purchase, that the bridegroom,
getting his clue from seeing on the box
which contained the silver the name of the
firm that had sold it, had carried the pres
ent to the store, and sought to obtain in
cash the amount paid for it; and, failing in
that, adaccepted other goods in exchange.
That couple may still be wondering why
their friend has never called on them since
the wedding. This method of raising ready
money for household expenses, he has since
learned, he declares, is by no means un-
common; but he had never before met with
au instance of it, and, in unreasoning irri-
tation, refused to regard the cashing of his
gift as praiseworthy display of thrift