The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-09-11
FUN IN A FLAT.
Bah TELLS OF HER SEARCH FOR A
NEW YORK FLAT.

NEW YORK FLAT.
A Woman Must Be A Genius Who De.
! cides to Live in a Flat-The JOY of
Engaging Servants-Types of "aelp"
Which Many Housewives VIII Re-
coGniSe-Where Mind Was Stronger
Than Matter-A Janitor's Idea of a
Sslad-Seeing the Funny Side of Life.
Copyright
New YORK, Sept. 1O.-There are times in
everybody life when all that can be talked
about is absolutely personal. Consequently,
a long-suffering public has got to hear my
experiences with fat. Getting the fat
was varied and somewhat tiresome time.
would announce exactly what rent was
willing to pay, then l would be taken to see
a fiat. gorgeous in mirrors, rich In cabinets
for brio a-brac. having bAth-tubs big enough
for Goliath, which, when l announced my
approval, found would cost ne exactly
double the price 1 could pay. Visions of
irate landlords rose before me, and would
take the elevator. and 20 away a wiser, Il a
sadder, women. Sometimes l would think
l had just what suited me, then kindly
friends would inform me
THE PLACE WASN'T RESPECTABLE
But, at last, the fat was gotten. Il is
true that the bath tub needed to be enameled
and that the spare-room was perfectly dark
but as my guests never do stay in their
rooms except when they sleep aud dress that
made no difference. The landlord declined
to enamel the bath-tub. However, | knew
a mana man who has had pictures in the
| Paris salon and whose work everywhere
commands an enormous price, SO suggested
to him that, instead Of painting me picture
as he had promised, he would enamel the
bath-tub. He did. And it is so beautiful
that am afraid to turn the hot water on
it; and having heard dreadful stories Of the
effect white lead has on the skin, am
afraid to get In it. So, perhaps, had bet-
ter have taken the picture and paid some-
body for painting the bath tub. However,
it has his autograph on. and IL 1 get very
hard up l can have it sold, tub aud all, as
"a Study in Still Life" He is a realistic
painter, and it strikes me this is very close
TO realism.
PRESENTS FOR THE FLAT.
The next contribution to the fiat appeared
IN the shape of picture also il is large, it
is In oils, it has huge gold Frame and
although not a study in still life, because it
shows running water, it took up one entire
side of the parlor, and made the chairs seem
so small that people were afraid to sit in
them, and when they come In say they had
rather stand uD and look at the picture A
third present is much more material-it
came from an old housekseper, and is a chop
ping block. It is the size OF an ordinary round
table and nearly Oils the kitchen. As our
meat is chopped for US by the butcher, we
cannot use 1t, 1t is too hard 10 cut up for
kindling wood, and another thing don't
want TO hurt the givers feelings. The best
use have seen it put to yet was when the
scrub woman's baby sat on it and ham :
merea at it with potato masher. That
was not study in still life.
ENGAGING SERVANT.
Arpopos of scrubwomen, l saw quite q
number Of kitchen ladies before / engaged
! the one who eventually became my very
own. The frst applicant for the position Of
mistress in my hat was tall, slender. wilIowy
and coffee colored. Her gown was pale
blue, with large figures on 1t, and her head
was adorned with leghorn hat that bad
streamers that were fascinating. She took
a seat without an invitation; I then asked
her If she could cook, she said yes, with a
sniff that was meant TO show how little
knew.
said: "Can you fry oystersp
No the women have lived with slwaya
sent to the restoorant, when they wanted
them"
Then politely inquired: "Can you make
watfles or hot rollss'
mo. can't do no fancy cooking"
After this | said: How about the wash
ingw
She talked on for bit, and l said:
by -ths-by, what afternoons would have
out9'
With solemnity, she answered.: "Well, l
dunno, whenever you told me You wanted
to go I'd stay in, and IL you wanted to 60 to
the theater once in & while could arrange
| to be in." This was kind OF her, but found
that she was hardly the person l cared to
serve under.
AN DOOR OF PATCHoULI AND WHISKY.
The next applicant for the position was
gushing. She announced at the first sight
of me that she felt she could live with me
forever. But at the first Whit of her-a
mingled one of patchouli and whiskv-I de-
| cided she'd never have the pleasure of be-
ginning. But go she would not. She gave
me full history of her family, told me Of
the position they would occupy in ireland if
they had their rights, asked me what l
thought of Gladstone, indeed, paid me quito
a visit, that was only interrupted by the
arrival Of a German girl. This fncensed
her SO that, like the lovely maiden, she
turned and fled and seemed to have lost all
desire 10 live with me forever.
UNDER TWO FLAGS.
The German was wholesome to look at.
polite IN her manner but, as my knowledge
Of German is limited to three words aud
her knowledge Of English was limited to a
smile, our discussion was short and monoto-
nous. We smiled at each other. and then I
rubbed my hands together TO initiate wash
ing, and che smiled again and nodded ''yes. :"
| After that l did pantomine act that meant
broiling steak, making bread and busting
room. She gave a deep sigh, smiled
sadly, and shook her head in a
way that meant mo" AS do
not possess a sufficient number of clothes to
keep a woman washing all the. week / waved
my hand in farewell, she smiled back, and
we separated. We may never meet again
but II my young German friend concludes
TO marry it will be well for her TO learn the
arts Of which well, you can't say
spoke, but which / acted for her benefit.
Ever since that performance have felt that
ought to go on the stage; but my maternal
parent, having some discretion, disagrees
with me.
SEEING A LADY HELP"
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