Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1892-08-12
THE sWORDsMAN's HELP.

My opinion is, If a suicide does not
kill himself outright, as soou as he
realizes that his self-intlicted injuries
are mortal, he becomes possessed by a
dcspairing wish that his rash deed
were undone. aud %piteously longs 70
live.
feel that I understand what I am
talking about. for l was once within
an nee of taking my own life.
When the silver fever began / was
unmarried and bent upon picking up
a fortune somewhere around the
globe. 1 had had illluck so far, and
the speculations in which / had used
not only my W money. but some
thousands belonging to my widowed
mother had turned out badly. Hav-
ing just enough cash left to pay the
expenses of the journey and buy Il
horse. 1 went out to Nevada and
Joined a party of the boys bound fol-
the mines. We started over the
mountains, butt soon became mighty
glum. After some days I was Obliged
to call a halt. My old enemy, asthma,
got a grip On me, and one night when
we reached a struggling town ON the
trail, 1 said: boys, you'll have tu
go on without me; I'm all broke up!''
The next morning they reluctantly
started off, charging me to catch up
with them the following day at a
point where they intended prospect.
ing for ore
was too i'll to do so, and it was a
week before / set out again. more
low-spirited than ever. When ]
reached the place there was no trace
of them. They had evidently been
disappointed in their expectations
and gone on, no doubt concluding
that their silent comrade had aban.
'doned the enterprise.
At dusk, however, / came upon a
camp. Around the fire were a group
of men, who with rough cordiality
welcomed me to their evening meal.
The supper was washed down with
plenty of strong drink. and under its
influence the blue devils which had
beset me departed. 1 grew genial,
and when later a little game of poker
was proposed l readily assented, fol
i prided myself upon my skill in that
line.
Well, sir, l played as if the flend
was urging me on. The luck was
dead against me, but I became reck.
less. / staked every dollar I owned
and saw all raked in by the sharpers.
/ put up my horse and watch, and
lost them.
Convinced that / had nothing more
OF value, the gang stopped playing,
and left me to sleep off the effects OF
the wretched liquor. When l awoke,
the sun had been up several hours.
My head ached tremendously, and
seemed swollen to twice its normal
size. I had a confused notion that
something had gone wrong, but what
was it? Gradually the events of the
night before came back to me. ]
started up. Where were my jolly
companions?
Gone! The camp was deserted,
My horse had vanished, likewise my
money. The dreadful truth con,
fronted me. The Williams had lef,
me alone in the wilderness, penniless
and without the means of overtak.
ing my friends.
1 cast myself ON the ground again.
buried my face in my hand, and gave
vent to my despair. Long after the
first paroxysm of rage ana despon.
dency had spent itself, I lay there.
Finally feeling the need Of food,
got up and foraged about. Amid the
debris near the place where the fire
had been, I found some crusts Of
bread and a canteen half full Of
water. In my necessity Twas thank.
full for even this Deggarly fare.
As 1t would be %foolhardy to con.
Nnue the journey afoot, I decided te
return by the way I had come. Al
ntghtfall I reached the town I had
left the afternoon before. 1t was all
astir. A travelling show was to give
q performance that evening. BY
chance there remained in the depths
of one Of my pockets a Mexican gold
piece which I had carried for years
for Q hansel. This paid for my sup.
per and lodging at the LIGHTHOUSE
tavern. The landlord insisted upon
payment in advance, although I had
expended a round sum upon all the
extras at his command during my re-
cent sojourn there. He listened
callously to the story of my mis-.
fortunes and made me understand that
he could not accommodate me aftel
the next morning.
"Such is the way Of the world! Al
least the next twelve hours are pro.
vided for!" I soliloquized bitterly.
"And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow
I will shoot myself"
reached this determination quite
calmly. I cursed myself for not hav.
ing done so amid the wilds, instead
of struggling back to the semi.civil.
ixation Of the miserable town. You
say my troubles had begun to affect
my brain. Very probably; no man
can be in his right mind who seri.
ously meditates suicide.
Icould not stay in my cherries
room alone with mygloomy thoughts.
] went out and found myself follow.
ing the motley throng that made Its
way to the show. It was moonlight
and for some time I hung around the
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