The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-03-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

OF course it is possible for woman
to be fair and square," but we like
her better if she is round.
Post.
A man will spend enough money
warming himself by grogshop fires to
buy out coal and wood business
Puck.
She-'Imitation seal jackets are go
ing up" He-"Humph! When they're
on other women they're generally run
DOWN.. Y. Press.
Men may come and men may 60,
but for coming and going the servant
girl has record that never will be
broken except by herself--Ii Iid-BttS.
A mans character is like photo
graphic negative. 1t is a blank until
it has been subjected to the chemistry
of Observation-Disclosures Star.
Lets go into this restaurant and get
something to eat" But I'm not hun
gry." That's no matter; you will be
before you get anything. lid
Primus-"Why is it that one-half the
world doesn't know how the other half
livesP" Secundus = The other half
doesn't live; it boards. IN. Y. Herald.
Guest Cat restaurant, in moist wealth
err Waiter, can't get any salt out
of this salt-cellar." Waiter-"You've
forgotten to unscrew the top sir On.
z. Weekly.
The world moves. Once upon a
time they used to pitch scolds into the
water on a ducking stool; but now
they pay them to write satirical para
graphs.-LJe.
First Mouse-"Let's go out and
break up the ballet" Second Mouse
-"Pshaw! They wouldn't mind US.
Wait till the skirt-dancers come on."-
Indianapolis Journal.
The best way to keep a diary is to
keep it clean. Never write in your
diary, my son, unless you desire to be
sorry at some future time in your life.
Boston Transcript.
Jessie-"We missed you in our box
at the theater last night" Jack-"1
should have felt out of place there.
had such cold l couldn't speak above
a whisper. IN Y. Herald.
II am afraid that George is tiring OF
me-" "Why, dearP" He has been
telling me that am too good wom-
an to be the wife of such a man as he
is. is."-Indianapolis Journal.
A Chicago scientist startles the world
with the announcement that dynamos
and electric lights cause la grippe.
Mem.-By extinguishing the incan.
descent illuminator you will dy ma mo.
st. Paul Globe.
Lover-"Sir 1 am passionately in
love with your daughter. Have l your
permission to ask for her hand in mar.
riageP" Practical Papa = That de.
pends. What is your asking priceP"-
Boston Transcript.
She-"Will you write to me on youf
return to college?" He-''Why-er-
you know 1 can't write" She
20, don't expect you to write bril-
liantly or amusingly; just write as yor
talk. ."-Prirsceto'a Tiger.
Purchaser" "Are these corsets war
ranted?" The clerk (abstractedly-
she had once been a typewriter girl il
the office of a boiler-factory)-"War
ranted to stand a pressure of a. 00(
pounds. madame. ."-P@cb.
Lucille-"Do you know. young Mr..
De Hopper said to me that l was the
loveliest girl at the ball last nightr
Estelle- -f'Gracious! Why didn't yol
know that young Mr.. De Hoppe
drank?"- Son1erUGtle Journal.
Your husband bought you seal
skin saque with his winnings at poker
I wonder how you can wear itP" "Oh
that's all right. I'm going to wear i
to church. you know, and that will b,
fighting the devil with his own weap
ons."-N. Y Press.
''How is Vickars? Good payP" 20
he is good enough, if you only Civ,
him time. His grocery bill, for in
stance. usually runs so long that ht
has to pay Is or 20 cents extra for the
ink used in setting down the items."-
Indianapolis Journal.
Bulfnch-''What's the matter, ny
dear WoodenP You look heated.
Wooden-''Heated? Well, I shoult
think might. just stepped into OLE
Gotroxs Office to ask for his daughter
and hadn't spoken three words be
fore 1 was fired. d."-Boston Courier.
Bulfnch-..Miss Smilax has simpl,
wonderful memory" Wooden
why, what proof has she given of itP'
Bulfinch-''Why, met her at sup
per last night and she not only re
minded me about our being engaged
last summer but gave me number o
the details. "-Bosto1a Courier.
Co." she. cried ''avaunti Out o
my sight! How dare you presume t.
ask me to be your wifeP / wouldn'
marry you if you were the richest maj
in the worldr' You are right" sai
the crushed young man; you are col
rect! If l was little richer you
never get an offer from me. - Boston
NeaOs.
Sayso-''Those who love books al
most invariably love dogs. That i
rule with, l think. few exceptions.
Nowitt-'I am one of the exceptions.
Sayso - You love books and hat
dogs?" Nowitt- Exactly" Sayso-
THAT is strange" Nowitt-"Not i
the least-I am a book-agent.-BrooA
Ign Life.
logical professor. that the part of tn
parable which represents the prodiga
son as feeding among swine is to b
taken literally?" Perhaps not" tn
thoughtful young man replied; INA
Do IL ~ d fo1er6nC0 10 Inc meals ne at
at a railway lunch-counter." y Wash
tragton Star.
Alienist-'I see nothing in the p;
tient to denote insanity" Inquirer
You're sure of that, are you. doctor
I'm particular about this thing, yo
know, because she is my wife, Aliel
ist - ''Ah! Is that so? That's in
portant, though even that may indicat
only temporary alteration. ."-BostO
Transcript.
''Kevless seems to be very attentiv
to Miss Mittens." Yes, he has becom
acquainted with her at last. But
guess he never would have if it hadn
been for an accident" What sort
an accidentP" You see, they ran il
to each other so hard while skatin
yesterday that they both sat dow
that broke the ice. ."-BoSt0rs Post.
Wife Harry, never thought yo
could change so. You used TO sa
that you might search the world owe
and you never could find a woma
equal to me, and now you are scarcel
ever at home" Husband-''O, that
all right, dear; Pm simply making II
search now, to prove the correctne'
of nv assertion. ."-BOSto71 Trd1ascrtp