The morning call., 1892-08-24
INVITATIONS TO SMILE.

last nlSHt lhere nau Deen no luenlncaLloD.
INVITATIONS TO SMILE.
Reggy Westend-Did you hear OF any
trouble between Frank Treadwell and his
wife?
Old Grumpy-Heard they got married :;
that's trouble enough, isn't it?-Pittsburg
Dispatch.
Force OF Habit.
D0good-How did you come to be a tramp?
Dusty RhodeS-At first l stopped work
on Sunday and the habit fastened itself
upon me.-New York Herald.
A Wise Child.
.'Why do birds in their little nests
agree?" asked the pretty schoolma'am of
Freddy Fangle.
cause they'd fall out if they didn't,"
Freddy replied.
Deceiving an Innocent.
This is the queerest ice 1 ever saw"
said the young Chicago housewife. ut
al" exclaimed the hired girl after a pre-
liminary sniff. "Them fellows has been
foolini you. That is nothing but chunk
of river water. '-1ndianapolis Sentinel.
An Ovsrworked Girl.
did you have good time at the picnic.
Maud ?" NO; horrid." How was that p"
Il was Kept busy taking care OF our chape-
ron. "-Harper's Bazaar.
At the Cake-Walk.
HAS yo' got a razzer. Brudder Perkins %
'sI has, but whaffo?" "Tsesborrowed eight
damon studs to appeah in at de cake-walk
tonight and l specs some gen-l-mun will
be enyous. New Orleans Times Demo-
crat.
oh, That His Too Solid Flesh.
Dismissed from your boarding house!
Whys"
"Well, the Iandlady said l would either
have to reduce my weight or go, and l can't
reduce"
but why did she want you to get thin %
''She said my appearance aroused expeR-
sive hopes on the part OF the other board
ers. brooklyn Eagle.
Hard Lines.
She-Do you take nothing yourself?
He-No, They've passed law here that
no an can have glass of whisky unless
he's been bitten By a rattlesnake, and the
only snake in town is six weeks behind his
orders noW.-Lfe.
Lesson in Geography.
"How far is It around the worId?''
In g1rlish innocence asked she.
"Ah, will measure it, said he.
"lf you'll permit me. love. to see"
Then when his strong right arm ned placed
He found IT wasn't very far
For she was all the world TO him.
brooklyn Eagle.
At the Gate of Heaven.
ST. Peter-Who are you?
Shade-I was the chairman of commit
tee appointed 10 award a diamond pin to the
mother Of the prettiest baby at summer
hotel.
ST. Peter-Step in, my boy. how you must
have suffered brooklyn Eagle.
Love at First Sight.
he (anxiously)-Did l understand you to
say Miss or Mrs?
She (demureyl-MisS.
he tCallaDtlY)-Pray. allow me to make 1t
Mrs.-Troy Press.
A Fact In Natural History.
Cats cannot turn themselves Into birds,
but the way they can turn birds into cats
must be seen to be appreciated
Life.
Different Now.
'Do you ever take your wife on your knee
as You used to when she was yeur sweet
hearth"
al can't say that do, but she frequently
sits down on me of her own accord. Cape
Cod Item.
His Eloquent Silence.
you've eaten all that Is good for Won.
Willie" said his mother In q low tone. ''You
must not ask for anything more. Remem-
Der now that little boys should be seen. and
net heard"
''I'll quit talking" replied Willie, In
no arse whisper distinctly heard by the Wis
itor, "but my silence means that | want
some mere OF that pie."-Chicago Tribune.
The Way With Berries.
Customer-Are those berries all good?
Dealer-0h, sir, yes, sir.
Customer Cunning basket over)-What do
you say to that? AT the bottom they are
small and green.
Dealer-Oh. sir. the large ones work up to
the.top.
Customer-Well, give me a quart and
have it all top. (Gets the usual thing after
all.)-Brookyn Eagle.
Cool Caller.
Miss Dukkets-Did you tell Mr.. Gethers I
was not in?
Bridget did, mum.
Miss Dukkets-Whatd did he say?
Brdget-He said, well, tell her to come
down as soon as she Is In" He's in the
parlor.-Puek.
Three Girls.
PHILADELPHIA Girl-You are mistaken.
New York Girl-You're away of
Boston GIri-1our mental trolley's off the
wire.-New York Herald.
Licensed to- Marry.
II