The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1892-11-09
MORNING SMILES.

A country parish minister, lately Wis
iting Edinburgh, met in the streets a
servant girl who had left his congrega-
ton to 90 TO a situation in the city.
"Well, Maggie" said he, kindly, show
do you like your new situationY
"Fine, sir; but Pm gey lonely sac mony
strange folk" 81 was thinking SO,
Maggie. "Well, I'll call and see you
before leave town" INA, sir"-very
dolefully-"ye nlauna dae that, for our
mistress allows nae followers; but
Frightening up-"if ye come to the
back gate when it's dark I'll try to let
ye in at the wundy."-,ScottiSh american
Miss sharpe-"I expect to win a
dozen pairs OF gloves on this election,
no matter how it goes" Miss Fair
"How is that?" Miss 81 have bet u
dozen pairs of gloves with Jack that
Harrison will be elected and dozen
pairs with Ned that Cleveland will be
elected" Miss F.-"But If you win
you will also lose" Miss Sob, yes;
but the one to whom lose won't ex-
pect me to pay."-Mew York Press.
A visitor was chatting with the little
daughter OF the family. what do you
study at SCHOOL," he asked. "Readin'
an writin, an arithmetic an spellin'."
"Well, WE'LL What bright little girl
you are! And which study do you like
best?" "Spellin'." "Indesdl Most
children do not. Why do you like
speling?" "Cause every time spell
a word the teacher laughs. GOOD NeuS.
"Have you been reading poetry late
lyP" said the bank president to the
cashier. "Why, yes" was the reply.
81 have been troubled with sentimen.
tally of late" swell, l wish you'd
give it up. You are getting that far
away look in your eyes, and it worries
the directors. Washington Star
Master-"Well, have you brought the
bottle OF wine2" Servant-"No, sir;
the money you gave me was bad, and
the wine dealer wouldn't take it."
Master-"What, bad? Show it to me-"
Servant-"I haven't got it sir. You see,
as twas no good l bought glass Of
beer with it."-English Paper.
An Atchison mac appeared upon the
streets to-day so well dressed that his
friends asked il it was going TO be a
wedding or funeral. He replied that
he had to wear the best clothes he had
to keep his wife from trading them of
TO a peddler for vases.-Atchison Globe.
Miss Birch-"Why didn't you come
to school this morningT Billy Fisher
81 had to go on an Grand" Miss
Birch-"But you didn't come this alter
noon either" Billy Fisher-"0h, we'll,
you see, hain't got back yet."-Puck.
Publisher-"You have the climax of
the story in the second chapter. Why
do that?" Author-''It's patent
scheme of my own to keep women who
read from knowing how the story is
going to turn out Pluck
A dilapidated-lookinG individual who
was among the unfortunates at the
Central police court yesterday, when
asked by the Judge what he was, re-
piled: "Weil. yer honor, I'm gentle
man; but Pm not workin' at 1t now
Philadelphia Record.
Wife-"Poor Maud, how sad she feels
at the loss oil her husband: she's cover.
ed with weeds from head to foot"
Husband (dubiously)-"Yes. so is the
grave Of her late lamented. "-Indidna-
polls Journal
Irate Passenger-"Madam, what do
you mean by letting that brat snatch
of my wiq2" Mother with a sigh OF
relief -"oh, it's wig, is itP was
afeared for a minute that he'd scalpt we
alIve."-LJe.
$50 you are the Teddy who advertised
for a seryant?" Eyes 1 think you
would like the place" 81 don't know ;
what afternoons would you want to
use theparlor?"- Washington Star.
Tom-"Do you believe any man ever
did really make mistake and kiss the
wrong girl in the dark?" Jack-"No.
How the deuce can anyone kiss the
wrong girl, anyhow?"-Puck
Young Mother-"What do you think
of the baby Uncle Jackson?' Uncle
Jackson-"Lor' sakes Miss MayI It's
de putties' little baby-ter be a wife
baby--ev'r l did see!-Puck
"Are you pressed for money now2"
NO." replied Fogr, 'that's all gone by
long ago. Wnen Mrs. i. wants money
now she just demands it."-Bostoa
Transcript
Poet lin hurry)-"I don't seem to
think straight to-dayl Give me- rhy-
me for blank, will you, proiessor?'
Prof Ane-"Ham, Ram, Sam. "-N, Louis
Republic.
He-"If we're to die, darling, what
would you do% She enthusiastically
= L - 81 IL IL