The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1892-08-13
,sARrRNDERs.
How They Are sOmetimes Taken In hV

his multhude OF shifty, devDes 70 get p
drink without paying for it has been the
theme of many a good story. The very
originality OF the thirsty pauper's plausible
schemes draws a smile from even those who |
deplore the moral lsxity of the transaction
Not few of you have heard the often
told story of the tramp who plsintively |
inquired if the bartender would have the
heart TO take his last cent for drink, and
when the stony-heaIted one answered
"Certainly," ordered the beverage, drank
it and threw down a solitary copper with
the remark "Well, there it isp Or that
other, and perhaps more familiar one, of
the thirsty individual who. after draining
his morning dram, asked If 'Bill Blitins
had been around yet2' who's Bill
| Bhfins?' asks the unsuspecting bartender.
why, don't you know him2 Little man,
short in one leg, Walks like this" and
out of the saloon limps the ohuckling
tramp, leaving his victim in solitary rage
These old tales and some that were new,
at least to the reporter of this paper, were
spun the other evening at SchieAy's cate,
on Main street, where some of my friends
had enticed me with the seductive bait
Billy" Williams is responsible for the
story that follows;
at was told to me by a Kansas City
bonitace" said Williams, land on his
shoulders be the blame if it has chestnutty
flavor One morning, while his bartender
WAS absent, q nervous-looking little chap
with shiny frock coat buttoned up to the
chin to conceal the shirt that WASH tthere,
came into the saloon with q quick and
busines7-like step. Rubbing his hands en-
ergeticslly he said:
u" Little of your best in hurry, land
lord.
HE took an allopathic dose, and dived
into a vest pocket for the money, when an
idea seemed to strike him and he removed
his hand and said:
"Good-sizsd place you have here,
landlord. What's the dimensions in feet ?
1.-The landlord wasn't exactly sure, but
thought they were something like 30x70, as
naar as he could guess.
Don't believe it, said the inquisitive
gentleman. If you bought this property
at any such size you've been swindled'
1.-THE landlord didn't like that 1t
excited his German blood and he hotly
told his mathematical customer that he
didn't know what he was talking about
/" Don't eh2 Well I'll just bet you
case of wine that your blamed old shebang
isn't forty feet deep"
"The indignant proprietor saw lead
rina oipob th;e xpo o,ar upd anapDad II nm
on the spot. The seedy chap pulled bail
of twine out of his pocket and gave one end
to the landlord. The pair proceeded to the
rear of the property, and the man of figures
said:
Now, then, you hold the end here
while MEASURE and he started off to-
wards the front o. the house.
when the landlord grew tired of wait
ing for the measurement to be announced
he came forward and united the end OF
string from the front door-knob. Other
wise he might have been waiting yet"
''Laniganr Boyer said that reminded
him of a story told him when he was out in
Texas to see his old friend, Squire Will
rich, formerly of town, where at lefst one
barkeeper could not be taken in.
ut happened in Texas while was doing
some fine frescoeing. forget the name of
the town, but there was only one saloon
there, so the place couldn't have been very
imposing in size. One morning, while
was in the place. purchasing cigar, a man
dressed like a workman, with his sleeves
rolled up, rushed in and excitedly yelled
"A drink of whisky, for Gods sake I've
been bitten by II tsrsntulsp
"'GOod gracious said the bartender,
taking toothpick from the counter; you
don't tell me. When did it happenP
3 Il was working on the railroad and il
I crawled out from under tie, gasped the
] unfortunate sufferer. Well, that's tough,
] murmured the other, softly chewing his
t toothpick.
Yes, but, for heavens sake, hurry up
or Pm dead man, implored the man
9 Dear me, where did it bite you2 inquired
s the bartender, showing for the first time
something like sympathy.
On the wrist, exclaimed the frenzieC
man; but if you don't give me thai
whisky quick I will die right before youl
; eyes
" is tho sun shiningT asked the mar
behind the bar, looking out the window.
p "'Yes, it is, but what's that got TO Dc
with itF
, "'Well, the bites are not nearly so baC
a when the sun is shining.
"'Good heavens would you let mar
die just because his money is in his othe
pants p shrieked the poisoned sufferer.
j "'Guess you'd better go back and ge
I your other pants said the saloonkeeper
z and the tarantuls bitten man went out say
ing ugly things, while the hard hearted
: dealer explained 1 expect l will make
mistake some day, and some fellow will di'
right here on the floor But tarsntula bite
have been pretty regular here, and none o
) them have died on the floor yet. Guess II
lxaan an cEinu ohanaaa / would lika 4,