The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-04-15
CaledOny and Her Ky About to be Re-
uuited at Last.


DEAR IKYaTalias Whitcum Snod-
grass. -Micawber like, hav bin wait
ing years, "For something to turn up"
and now things hav turned out so rO-
mantia that L am so utterly c9nhsteca,
ted that I can hard articulate. Law, me I!
Ky, knowd you was wldower and
had writ in answer to my advertise
ment the very mint sot eyes on that
er piece in the HERALD. Pears like you
| tried to fool me, but Caledony is too
smart for you this time, and / lowd to
Sophrony Lubberhed (you knowd So
phrony, my first cousin that married
JeneS MonrOe,) Sed l, SOphrOny! nobody
| on the green arth rote that pice cepn.
Ky Peabody. o, yes; ky! not only
| your elequence proclaimed the fact but
my hart with loud voice cried, Its
! ky! it's Iky"-and in the language of
| the poet, "A1y dust would have known
and troubled had it lain for century
dead"
o, ky! Had 1 the flow of elequence
| that comes so naturally from your
| gifted pen; L would not hesitate in an
swering your tloury etfusion. But alas!
kin never hope to writ such letter as
you did, for SIGH sentiments could never
! hav rigniated only in the mind OF er
| poet, and that can never be. When L
| red whar you combined your love to the
"Sun flour and morning lite" Sophrony
commenced er telling off how butiful
| you ulster write, and a whole rlgdoma-
| role about you and her, of cOrSe that did
not enterest me, and was precious glad
| when she shet her mouth and give me
| a chance to red the balance of your sweet
| epiSple, which went Strate through my
| he'd and lodged square in my hart, and
1 could feel the old time love ,reVlyIng
| with renewed VigOr. For you kno ky,
love is like hopping cot and goes all the
| harder when took late in the life. Stop;
rite now before gifts to loving OF you
! to much, would like to kno If thar are
| any tangled eyed widows around "Pos-
| IJn1lar Soma old that nSt
| to live in these parts named Shakes
pear writ, "Trust not in him who had
| once broken faith" and ky you kno
| YOU broke faith with me, when you mar
Tied the widow. Still it is "human to
err, and divine to forgive" and L for
| give YOU Ky and am willing to let "by
cones be by gones," and take you once
more in Their depths of my directions
time Jest so sarten will L sue you for
abreech of promise" l would hav don so
befour but Buddy wOuld'ent let me; but
Buddy can't du nothing with me this
| time, for | am detarmed to nav JUSTICE
| (aS we'll as husband.)
| Du, tell! but hav done sight of tray
| cling since l seed you ky; it has mostly
bin twiXt here and Nashville, cept the
| time | went out west, and Oh, what "TRIP
! l did have. If you had bin along with
me ky, you would hay died lating- at
the funny things 1 seed. You kno ky
l allws try to put on as much stile as
| nv circumstance Will allow, ana en-
| sted of me wearing the long yaller plat
| that YOU ulster take on so about, L am
wearing curls; they is more becoming to
my stile of duty.
! Well, had no trouble In cotching. a
! bow, and the fust one caut wus Wild
dover Gust like you Ky, but not half as
sweet; but he had elegant side-burns
and an imaginary goat tea which took
my fancy at once. He looked quite
stflish too in his white celia lold cuffs
I 4 4 Hl,n NV n
big shoO-fly cravat, But thar wus one
| thing l did'ent like, and that was nus
pants failed to make connection with
| the top of his shoes, thar-fOur Vacus
wus exposed to view which Wus very
trying to person of my refined senti-
| mentS.
However, we will let that pass, and 1
will 90 on with the story. Him and me
went to camp-meeting one day, and OF
cOrse l thought Wus er looking very
stilish in my new black vale, which
come to the bottom of my dress, and you
| can thar-four imagine my feeling when
| on passing a paSSle OF boys, SEED one
| of them nudge another boy in the side
and say: "By, Gosh! look yonder; If
| thar amt Dave SlOcum with that Ten
nessee gal coming to preaching with a
| black shawl tied all over her he'd. Poor
| thing! | recken she has the new-ral-
igarT And then they all staggered. But
l jest holt my he'd hi in the air and with
a stately mean, passed on into the arbOr
and sOt down. But rite here ky ! Will
admit / was narviOuS the whole time
| Wos in that thar county. L had red S1ch
blood curddling tales of the wild west,
and the Indian with thar savage war
whOOps, centipades and dedly Iaran-
| lula, that if anything had sed BOO! at
me- 1 wus prepared to almost die, And
l did come mighty near it ky.
| wus er setting betWiHt Mr.. Slocum
| and er long, lean, hungry looking Wo.
man, when all at once l felt something
l. 1Sr,sr arfaarN II
crawling on my neck feeIlbS Sarten 1t
wus er Tarantula or centipede, give a
lick at hit with my hand; but lnstld
of my hitting whatever hit WIS, L hit
that woman spank in the face and she
Civ yell, and as luck would nave II
just at that time woman behind me
got happy and followed, "Glory!
Glory"
Holy Moses, human nature could
stand no more. l was sarten the In
| dams had made raid, and l commenced
er pitching like mustang pony and er
| streaming worse than panther, But
some how or ruther nobody paid any at
tention to me, and the parson started up
that thar old song "1f you git there be-
fore do" and everybody Joined in cept
me, but was too busy getting out OF
web of babies that had bin plated and
put to sleep in the straw. Finally L got
alose and sed to myself "Sing on par
son, but if YOU "Git thar before L do"
you will sure hav to git move on your
self; for as you ulster say, ky, 81 lit
shuck," and from that day on give my
place up to chiggers and seed ticks
which they rase down thar, too bales to
the aker.
Law me! how do run on. But few
more words and Ill conclude. l will now
have to defer once more to your letter
YOU said; "That you offered your deYo-
lions at the srine of my buty, wealth
and entelegence. Now, ky, you know
as well as I du, that have no wealth.
but as for buty, l am ableage to ac-
knowledge, hav my share; but II Is
that thar entelegence business that gifts
me. l wants to be honest with you
Ky, so 1 will jest simply state to you
that if hav any of that thar stuff,
hav never seed it. Still, if that is mes
essary in order to get married. L an
more than willing to buy myself as my
means will allow, and if that don't gl'
enuf for your sake l am willing to buy
, on a credit, and trust to the future Mrs
Peabody to pay for hit. Now ky le
me know whar you can get hit lmme
diately. =,
one more question aside, and vii
bid YOU farewell till we meet agin. Il
your wife ded, or is you and her onl!
parted? Be sarten and let me knO, bu
: remember in either case that L am eter
nally YOURS in the bonds of matrimony
} CALADONY LEAPHERHEAD.
Feast of the Passover.
Last Monday evening. Jew
i