Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-01-02
THE MAN WHO KICKS.
He May Be Dlsliked, but He Becomes .
Public Benefactor.

He May BE Di.liked. but He Becomes .
| Public Bsnefactor.
| NJ Quad in the New York World.
| I admire the Kicker. I admire him even
| when he theoretically kicks me- I have long
| held that the man who undertakes to walk
through this world with q meek and humble
spirit will get regularly fattened out and broken
in two at least once a month. On the contrary,
whoever saw chronic Kicker who didn't live on
the fat Of the land and have q front seat every
| where.
| I've met lots Of Kickers in my time, and
never yet saw one who was personally selfish.
When he kicked it was for the good Of the pub
lie I don't meet up with one oftener than
once q week. but I'd like to visit and compare
notes with three or four per day. hereby in
vite every conscientious and well meaning
Kicker in tho United States who happens to
come to New York to give me a call and be pre-
pared to stay ut least three hours ana smoke
| half dozen cigars
| Take my case, for instance. There were
twenty of us in an Erie railroad sleeper. just
| as the car conductor got through coughing
| cough that strung out along the track for ff-
teen miles. and just after the porter had banged
| himself tired, man in upper No began 10
| snore. Out OF twenty passengers one snored
| to keep the other nineteen awake. 1t looked
selfish l waited for awhile. but the nineteen
growled around and let it 60 at that. Then
got up and went down to No. and reached up
| for the mans hair. When he awoke said:
| "See here. sir, You snore!"
| swell, it's my snore. isn't it?' he replied.
st is. and we don't want any OF it. This is
to sleep. You have no right to deprive US OF
that privilege"
| What are you going to do about it2"
| you either stop snoring or I'll begin sing
ing If can't sleep you shan't. I've got just
as much legal right to sing as you have to
| snore."
| He growled and clustered around, but he
| ceased to snore. l don't know whether he took
his nose off or tied it up, but his wild bazoo no
longer annoyed US.
off his wagon in front of Philadelphia hotel
| and busted it. He drove OFF singing as stood
| looking at the wreck. Half an hour later
walked in on him at the depot and said:
~ want 80 of you"
| "What for?'
"For smashing my trunk in front of the Con-
| tinental."
"You get out! Trunks are liable to be dam
aged, and whoever heard Of any one having to
pay for them?'
"Ill show you a case right off You had no
| more license to bust that trunk than you had
to bust my head. You either come down or III
| begin proceedings"
| 'What will you do?'
IN sue you the first thing tomorrow. I'll
not only sue you, but I'll garnishee your wages
make 1t cost you at least $40 to get out OF it,
even If you don't have to pay for the trunk"
He clustered and deied me, but before 10
| O'Clock he came to the hotel and offered me 81
| to settle. took a written promise on his part
to handle all trunks with reasonable consldera-
| ton thereafter and closed the case. He ad-
mitted to me that he had probably damaged
5000 trunks in his life but that no one had ever
| kicked before. He didn tsuppose trunk owner
had the slightest lega. right on earth. and he
| didn't get over looking pale for a week.
The landlord of New Jersey hotel welcomed
| me with a smile and put me in a room where
| had no sooner gone to bed than was violently
assaulted by flock Of fierce and ungovernable
bugs l suppose it their way and they
couldn't help it, but sent for the landlord and
said:
'This bed is infested want to be changed
| to another room"
'Sorry, sir, but we are all FULL he replied.
| "When you assigned me a room it was tacitly
understood that was to have wholesome food
and be able to enjoy a nights rest. On my
part. was to pay at the rate Of $3.50 per day,
in good and lawful money"
| "Well?'
"Well, hotel guest has legal rights. He
| has a right to protect his life. Here's q re-
| volver and here's q box Of cartridges. Either
| change me to another room, or I'll sit here
and fire every one Of these bullets into that
| bed!'
| He changed me. He growled about Kickers
| and rcted put out, but next day all the rooms
| on that floor were properly inspected, and all
travellers for the next three months owed me
debt of gratitude.
| Thirty of US, men and women, we're DUMPED
| out on a platform at a railroad junction in
Illinois to wait twenty-five minutes for the
| other train. 1t was cold and rainy There
was no fire in the depot stove. There was only
one smoky old lamp to see by. The twenty
five minutes slipped away, but there was no
train. A quarter of an hour later 1 raped at
the ticket window. The depot agent, who was
also telegraph operator, was in mis- stall inside,
and after long delay he opened the sash.
us the train late!" asked.
IF it isn't on time then it's late, isn't it?'
he replied in a surly manner.
How late is the train!"
II dunno"
swell, find outn'
He slammed the sash down on me, but l
knocked until he raised it again and demande
i'll an ugly voice what i'll Davy Jones wanted