The Newtown bee., 1892-04-08

solitary word about station agents. Why, to read the papers, person would think an engineer went through life with his eye glued to the rail and a death-grip on the reversing lever and that the train dispatcher had to put in all his spare time sopping his head with hair vigor to keep from turning gray in single night. But look at the facts.
 Any track walker can tell you that an engineer is asleep more than half the time when out on the line and that the only way to call his attention to a slow flag or a stop signal is to heave rock through the cab window, while, as for the train dispatcher, we all know what he is-a petty tyrant with an eight-hour trick, whose most arduous duties con- sist in rawhidiug us poor wretches out on the line, bulldozing us into sending him regular tribute of fruit, fresh eggs butter. Heroism Responsibility We'll, if it ain't enough to give person dis taste for strong drink! And he disap- peared in the direction of a saloon about half mile down the road.
 When he returned, he gave me an idea of my duties as assistant agent.
 You're familiar with the interstate tar ifs and the transcontinental classified ton, suppose? he said.
 was obliged to confess my ignorance.
 
 That's bad, he replied. You'd better sit right down and familiarize yourself with them. You'll find 'em all in those files. Besides the tariffs, there's 724 SUD- plements and 1647 amendments, in ad- dition to 22S7 circulars that you should post up n.Then there's the special com modity rates and the modified rulings there's 4S9 of 'em-that have appeared since the last classification was issued. After you get all those down pat, 1t would be well to devote little time to the local classification aud tariffs-learn the terminal points and get the routing instructions committed to memory. Hell To there's that freight coming at last. Tell 'em there's nothing for 'em. I've got to go across the street and collect some bills-you can check out any freight they've got. And again he withdrew.
 The conductor walked in and said: Ask i'm if he's got anything for No. B.
 put the question to the dispatcher over the wire, and he answered No, very plainly and distinctly. After a while, the train pulled out and I looked for a soup ticket to report them, when the train dis patcher began calling the office.
 answered and he said Get No23.
 They're gone.
 Stop 'em.
 say they've gene.
 Fetch 'em back.
 They're gone, I &
 Shut that key and go bring that train back for orders.
 closed the key and wandered aimless- ly out on the platform in the vague hope of seeing the agent or that something might happen. To my surprise, saw that the freight had stopped at the other end of the yard. about three-quarters of a mile away. I could still hear the dis patcher calling and knew by the vicious sound of the instruments that he was mad. Thoughts of collisions and the pos sibility of responsibility for terrible accident flashed across my mind and l started for that train on run. The dis tance was greater than I had imagined and I was completely blown when l came up with it. The conductor was lying on his back under car fixing something about the air brake. I man. aged to gasp out that the train dispatch CT wanted him for orders.
 Tell him to go plumb to -, shouted the conductor and then calmly contin- ued his labor. As there seemed nothing else to be done, 1 started back to the sta tion to deliver the message and had gone but a short distance when the engine passed me backing up to the office. It was going too fast for me to board it, so the conductor and engineer had been waiting 10 minutes or more when l eventually reached the station.
 If it's all the same to you, partner, said the conductor with freezing polite ness, we'd just as soon get out of here. We've got families at the other end of the run and 'ud like to get there before they grow out of our remembrance.
 I walked into the office and told the dispatcher had stopped the train.
 Why don't you be all day about it? he answered. There's nothing for them it's to late too help 'em any now.
 I was afraid of the conductor when I told him this. His jaw fell and for fully a minute he gazed at me in round-eyed horror, then rushed from the office and yelled to the engineer: Git move on yerself! Git out of here before he has another fit.
 After that'twas comparatively quiet for while. l made feeble effort to under stand something of the classifications, but soon gave up the attempt as hope less. One or two lots of freight and ex- press came in and a couple of trains passed without accident. I was begin ming to think I was getting on in the business, when the agent returned. He looked more careworn than ever, as he sank wearily into the cue chair the office afforded.
 Well, how you maxim it he asked and I stated so far the progress seemed satls- factory.
 Next he looked at the way-bills and wanted to know if I had unloaded that COW yet.
 No, I answered; not yet.
 Not yet,he shrieked. Great Scott, man, what do Sections 1889, 87 and 88 of the