The sun., 1892-02-21

-
usually called pregnant words in books. The
old answering signs Of faith and hope showed
up in Hawkins's couhtenanee. and he said:
"Oniy money! Do you mean that you know
| way to-"
Washington. have you the impression that
have no resources but those allow the pub.
lie and my intimate friends to know abouti"
well. 1-er-"
rs Il likely. do you think. that man moved
by nature and taught By experience to keep
HE affairs to himself and cautious and re.
luctant tongue In his head. wouldn't be
thoughtful enough to keep few resources in
reserve for rainy day. when he's got as
many as have to select from ?"
"Oh. you make me feel 90 much better al
ready, Colonel"
Have you ever boon in my laboratory
why. no."
That's 1t. You see. you didn't even know
that I had one. Come along. I've got little
trick there that I want to show you. I've kept
It perfectly quiet; not nifty people know any
thing about 1t. But that's my way. always
been my way. Wait till you're ready that's tho
idea: and when you're ready. zipl-let her go"
Well. Colonel. I've never seen q man that
I've had such unbounded confidence In as YOU.
When you say thing right out always feel
RS III tuBt enuS IL, 10 II CnhV 10 ONluouCos auu
proof. and everything else"
The Earl was profoundly pleased and touched.
I'm glad you believe in me. Washington;
not everybody is so just"
II always have believed In you. and Ialways
shall as long as live"
Thank you. my boy. You shan't repent It.
And yon can't" Arrived In the laboratory"
the Earl continues: Now cast your eye
around this room-what do you seep Appar.
emily. q junk shop: apparently. q hospital con-
neoted with a patent off1co: In reality. the
mines OF Golconda In disguised Look at that
thing there. Now. what would you take that
thing to boz"
II don't bollcve could ever imagine"
"Of course. you couldn't It's my grand
adaptation OF the phonograph to the marine
service. You store up profanity In It for use
at sea. You know that sailors don't fly around
worth cent unless you swear at them. so tho
mate that can do the best job OF swearing is
the most valuable man. In great emergencies
his talent saves the ship. But ship is largo
thing. and he can't be everywhere at once: so
there have been times when one mate has lost
ship which could have been saved II they
had had q hundred. Prodigious storms. you
know. WE'LL ship can't afford q hundred
mutes. but she can afford a hundred cursing
monographs and distribute them all over the
SebS0ls 0uu tu0E0s you Doe ouo o aSueu ~
every point 1msglnea a big storm and hun.
dred OF my machines all curslne away at once
splendid spectacle splendid!-you couldn't
hear yourself think. Ship goes through that
storm perfectly serene: she's just as safe as
shc'd be on Shore"
Its wonderful idea How do you prepare
the thing:"
LOAD it-simply loadit"
"How?"
"Why. you just stand and swear into 1t"
That loads 1t. does it?''
Yes. because every word It collars 1t keeps
keeps 1t forever. Never wears out Any
time you turn the crank out it'll come. In
times Of great peril you can reverse it and it'll
swear backward. That makes q sailor hump
himself"
"Oh. see Who loads them-the mate?"
"Yes. II he chooses. Or I'll furnish them
already loaded. can hire an expert for $75 a
month who will load $50 monographs in $50
hours. and do it easy And an expert can fur
nish stronger article. OF course. than the
mere average uncultivated mate could. Then.
you see. oil tho ships Of the world will buy
them ready loaded. for shall have them
loaded in any language . customer wants.
Hawkine. 1t will work the grandest moral re-
form OF the nineteenth century, Five years
from now all the swearing vii! be done by ma.
come from human lips on a ship. Millions OF
dollars have been spent by the churches In the
effort to abolish profanity In the commercial
marine. Think Of tiny name will live for
ever In tho affections Of good men as the man
who. solitary and alone. accomplished this
noble and elevating reform."
"Oh. It is grand and beneacent and beauti-
full. How did you ever come to think Of it?
You have wonderful mind. How did you say
you loaded tho machinef'
"Oh. It's no troub!o-perfectly simple. II
you want to load It up loud and strong. you
stand right over it and shout Butif you leave
It open and all set. it'll eavesdrop. SO to speak
that is to say. it will load itself up with any
sounds that are made within six feet of II.
Now. I'll show you how 1t works. had an ex-
port come and load this ono up yesterday.
Hellol It's been left open. It's too bad. Still
I reckon II hasn't had much chance to collect
irrelevant stuff. All you do Is to press this
button on tho floor. So"
The phonoRraph began. in a plaintlve voice:
There Is boarding house. far far away.
Where they bavo ham aud eggs three times day.
Hang It! That aintit. Somebody's been
singing around here"
The plaintive song began again. mingled
with low. gradually rising wall OF cats slowly
warming UP toward fight:
Oh. how those boardcrs yell.
Whom they hear that dinner bell
"They give that landlord" tmomentary out
burst OF terrific cat fight which browns out one
world three times day" (renewal OF furious
cut fight for q moment Tho plalntive voice
on high. fierce key: Scat. you devis"-and
a racket as OF flying missilesl
well. mover mind-let 1t 60. Two got some
sailor profanity down in there somewhere II l
oov,J fvof to II R,,t ii isn't nny rnntfar. vru
see how the machine works."
Hawkins responded with enthusiasm:
"Oh. 1t works admirably! know there's n
hundred fortunes In 1t"
"Aud. mind. the Hawkins family get their
share. Washington"
"Oh. thanks, thanks: you are Just as gen.
orous as ever. ALI. It's the grandcst inven-
tion Of ths aRe!"
"Ah. we'll. we live In wonderful times The
elements arc crowded full OF beneilcent forces
always have been-and ours Is the first gen