Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-07-28
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists Of
Our Own Day.
Short Bits of Fun.

Short Bits of Fun.
SHE-"Who uses all the snuff that
is manufacturers" He-"No one
nose. "-Pharmaceutical Era.
LITTLE VICTOR-"Mamma, my
hands are dirty, shall l wash them OF
put On gloves?" lie Figaro.
You can never estimate the size Of
the sore on a boys finger by the
amount of rags he ties around it.
Atchison Globe.
oBwIeGER-"Brown doesn't talk
any more about the big fish he brings
home" Merritt-"EIis wife has
| bought pair of kitchen scales. =
New York Sun.
CUPID is getting bow and arrows
ready for the season. A popularity
of his shooting is that the more Mrs.
he makes the better the girls are
pleased. -Philadelphia Times.
EDO YOU know Widdikens' Widow"
ooh, yes. Il hear she's going to
contest the old mans will" Il don't
| wonder at all. She always did when
he was aliye!" News.
BELATED student = Shee here,
Waterman (hic), can't open thish
door. Watchman-Perhaps you will
succeed better if you will try d key
| instead of that corkscrew. -Fliegende
Blaetter.
SURFACE - Isn't Bighed rather
young to be a cynic? Rowley-O no!
He has been graduated a year and the
|
| New York Herald
THERE is no music so Substituting
as the Elmira Gazette.
THEY say that rabbit hunters are
very partial to hare triggers. -
! Rochester Post.
| MRS TOPFLAT-Brdget where did
| you get the dreadful black eye?
| Bridget-Me brother gave it to me,
mum, and whatn the neighbors say,
mum? Me with an eye loike that and
no husband Scribner's Magazine,
WHAT l value most is my peace
of mind" "That's strange, too.
You've such a small piece. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
IF the telephone girl has a soft
voice it is next to impossible for the
man at the other end Of the wire to
believe that she isn't pretty.
vile Journal.
JOHNNY-"Wh is it that's in the
parlor?" Willie with his ear at the
| key-hole)-"I think its the college
professor. Mammals voice has got
| it's Boston stop pulled wide open. y
Chicago Tribune.
THEY WERE JUST ENGAGED. 1--WE
had better be married Tomorrow"
| said he. $50 soOn?" I'M Inn, Your
father and | differ in politics, and
there is no telling how soon we may
be deadly enemies. = indianapolis
Journal.
"THIs is the first poem l ever
wrote, SIR" said the caller, handing
a manuscript to the editor. "Then l
could not for moment think OF TAX
ing it from you" replied the generous,
3, editor, handing it back.-Brooklyn
| Life.
How TO get rid of surplus milk
cheese it.--Hazleton Sentinel.
IT'S the shoe man who enjoys meet
| ing people who put their foot in it
Inter Ocean.
A BILL to regulate the working
hours of hand-organ grinders would
do good. -Picayune.
DAM it as much as you please,
water always does its level BEST
New Orleans Picayune
| NOTHING is 50 fortunately built as
a fly 1t can stand on one leg and
scratch itself anywhere with five legs
at once -Atchison Globe.
JARvIs-Why do they speak Of
"the woody West?" Trayers-Prob-
! ably because everybody who goes
out there gets Gecced. New YORK
Herald.
THERE is d sign on the entrance to
a cemetery at North Wales, Mont
gomery County, which reads: NO
admittance except on business. -
Philadelphia Record.
! MAMMA" asked Ethel, suppose we
hadn't won in our fight for depend
ence in 1916, would queen Victoria
be President Of the United States
now2"- Harper's Bazaar.
"WHAT. DO YOU dine in that
! fourth-rate place." Only when I
am not hungry. What is the use of
wasting good food on a poor appe-
tite?" -Indianapolis Journal.
RoWLEY-The sea air is very brac-
ing. Surface-Yes; but how can a
man benefit by It when seaside hotel