St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1892-10-01
A JAx's GENEALOGy.

CHATAIGNIER, Sept. II, 1S92.
Editor CLAR1oN.-A man by the name of
Agricola has been writing for your paper,
and as | wrote under that noBa-de-plame
last year, some people may think that
am he, but if any one will carefully ex-
anime his articles they will soon see that
he displays too much learning for your
poor humble servant; but to put the matter
beyond all doubt, I Twill give my genealogy ::
NV fathers name was Bass, he was a
great admirer of General Jackson, and at
an early date in my history he named me
after the hero of New Orleans.
The boys soon chewed off the eawdal ex-
tremity of my name, and called me Jack
Fathers friends and neighbors, by tacit
agreement, dropped the initial consonant
in his name, and as a consequence my
own name was written thus: A. ]. Ass, or
A. Jack Ass, according to the taste of the
writer.
So you see that this does not make Agrl-
cola; on the contrary, quite the reverse.
My father died about the time | grew up
and left me some property together with
his name-the property skipped through
my fingers so rapidly that one would have
thought that it had been creased; his
name, however, being neither valuable nor
pawnable. stuck.
One day | dropped in on my old friend
Drunken, and / thought / would come
the Psalmist on him to soften his heart,
for l had no money, SO says l: "My heart
longeth after that yellow stuff in your bot
tie as the hart longeth, after the water
brook" He took down bottle and set
glass, "My friend" says |, "my name
is good for it l suppose ?" He dropped
the bottle, looked at me in a supercilious
way for moment, and then says he "Gitt"
i got.
I tried several aliases, but they did not
seem to fit me at all, until hit upon the
name of Read, since that time, am happy
to say, have prospered. can row pawn
my name for whole barrel of Red Eye.
Lord Byron says whats in a name?" and
many other pretty things that have for
gotten. Lord Bacon says says "a good
face is letter of recommendation" A
Jack says good name is letter of cred
it. To return to the subject, can say with
Sir Isaac Newton; "Agricola Agricola!
thou little knowest the mischief thou hast
done" l had made up my mind to ex-
plore the public roads at the
risk of my life and write them up in such
a style as to hand my name down to future
generation to the remotest tip-end of time.
You can now notify your great great grand
children not to look for my name by that
of Columbus, in the sunday school books;
neither will my statue be exposed to pub
lie gaze alongside of the great explorer at
that great international exhibition to be
held in this country on Oct. q, 1892 (new
style); for in my simplicity | considered
that the police jury was composed of the
most honest men of the parish, their names
having been picked out i'll each ward and
a petition to the governor, signed by ma
jority of the best citizens thereof in refer
ence to this very quality, seemed to fully
justify the governor in appointing them
and ought to have gratifed the people
Now here comes Agricola with the con-
stitution in one hand, and Horace, the
Latin poet, in the other, and de-
livers bitter Philippe against these men,
accusing them of having violated the con-
stitution and of accepting office at salary
Of So day during active service, and they
are to paw their own board when unem-
ployed. Shocking! To say that l was
paralyzed would be putting it mildly. On
the one hand l knew that Eugene McGee
Jour member) was the best man in this
ward by odds. He was justice of the peace
here many years, and he saved the people
here many dollr in compromising civil
cases, and he saved the State and parish
as much more, in fixing up criminal ones.
In fact, he has always tried to "throw oil
on the troubled waters" On the other
hand Agrcola accuses him along with the
other members of malfeisance in office,
and he proves it by quotations from the
If the police jury act that
way what can be expected from the bal
ance of us?
/ had determined to do like Diogenes,
who lighted a candle and walked about
the streets of Athens, poking the light into
everybody's face, when asked what he
meant "I am looking for an honest man"
says he Unfortunately for me I would
not be able to tell an honest man when l
met him, and if Eugene McGee is not hon
est, it is of no use for me to go any further,
so I will cross off the whole genus Homo;
and as to handing my name down to pos
terity, shall by no means do so, for the
police jury might get hold of it, show it to
raise money, and when they shall have
wrung the last cent out of it, throw it in
the gutter. A JAX.
About three years ago the police jury
practically ignored the assessors assess
ment of the property of this parish, by
largely increasing the same horizontally
all along the line, on the plea that the
parish was in debt and this was the only
practical way out. Without considering
whether under the higher assessment the
parish is getting out or further in debt,
the fact remains that the increased as
sessment continues in force; and right on
top of this, with the special school tax that
has been added in Opelousas, here comes
Mr.. ]. H. Humble, out-Heroding the po-