The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1892-12-04
...,ched his pockets. The search brought

| 70 light gold watcn, tnifey -Se'on
In cash and diamond pin-the proceeds Of
a crime committed elsewhere.
"Abl Thisis betterp chucklcd Mr. Bone
SGT "This is more money than we nave
handled in three months. We shall APP
nronriate everything to our own personal
psnsft II is lucky you paid US this
visit This plumber dispels any last linger-
,ng doubt that necessity drove you to
t. ,he next two minutes the burglar In
L,,,,.d IN n continuous stream OF bias
nbsmv and would up by uttering the
nost terrible threats of what would happen
when he got free.
or such are your Intentions" replied
NJ Roneset after n visit TO his bedroom to
nut away the plumber 1T is only reason
able that we should reciprocate the senti-
ment which inspires you"
He nicked I'D the broom, while b was one
NJ a dozen received for 4-inch ad. pub
Iisbed six consecutive weeks following
local matter. broke of the handle, and for
FIVE long minutes he pounded the burglars
BODY from chin TO heel. The man yelled
md cnr,ed and rolled over and over on the
aoor and when the blows ceased to fall
he said: go,
"IfI have 10 live a thousand years I'll
have your life for thisl"
Another one OF our pet theories has
been that criminals were not vicious" re
nlied the editor as he sat down to rest.
I'm the last issue Of The Clarion we had
n half column article on the subject We
contended that the average criminal had
neither spite Tor malice. but was simply
seeking to get what the world denied him
"a living. You seem to be a thoroughly
wicked man."
"You bet am"
an our issue OF two weeks ago we con-
tended that the average robber aimed to
rob the rich only, and only because OPP
pressed by capital. Were we correctl No.
/ see we were not. The moment you en-
tered this house you realized that it be
lopged to a moor man. There are at least
ten men in this town worth $4,000 each,
but YOU passed them all by. We further
contended that the robber simply sought
for plunder. Your actions, on first arous-
ing MS led us to believe that failure TO Sc
cure plunder would have led you to assault
US"
Eyes. wish had put bullet into your
head and gone through the house after
wardp' growled the man.
The editor arose and welded the broom
handle for another five minutes, and then
sat down to remark:
"a bout six weeks ago there was q. case
of punishment in the New Jersey state
prison which aroused public discussion. a
convict refused TO obey orders and was
given the strap. We contended that few
Kind words would have touched his heart
and broke his resolution, while our esteemed
contemporary argued that he should have
been punished an hour sooner than he was.
1t seems that we were wrong in that par
ticular alsol"
Look out for me, old manP' growled
the burglar as he gritted his teeth.
81 see. Our whole line OF reasoning from
start TO finish has been wrong, though we
don't propose to admit it and give our es-
teemed contemporary opportunity to exult.
We shall simply declare that we have
closed the discussion for fear of wearying
our intelligent subscribers. Excuse my
pertinacity. but was it the knowledge that
Gould. Vanderbilt and Astor had tens of
millions while you had only a few shillings
which drove you into crime"
"You are fool!' was the blunt reply.
'But tell me, could you have found work
and lived an honest life had you so de
sired?"
Work Why, you hump nosed bloke,
who wants work when he can make a
living without AS for honesty, everybody
grabs what he can get. The only thing
Pm sorry about is that such fool as you
are should have laid me by the heels in
this fashion. If | was free I'd roast you
at the freW
1--WE believe you would, but you won't
get free We can now clearly see what an
ass we have made of ourself in arguing
as we have, and"--
And he rose up and applied the broom
handle again until his shoulders ached.
Greatly to his surprise. the burglar called
for mercy.
Can this be parallel case of the New
Jersey affair" gasped Mr.. Boneset. "All
our kind words produced no effect on you,
but corporal punishment seems to bring
you to terms"
For heavens sake, don't wollop me
any more" whined the Al
"You have threatened 20 murder u.s."
"But that was all gun"
"You would have robbed and maltreat-
ed us"
But I'm sorry ever came in here"
"How about living thousand years to
get revenge on us'"
"All nonsense! Say, old man, let up on
me and I'll make tracks. You've had all
the fun there was in it and can afford &c
turn me loose"
"NOt yet. In our arguments with our
esteemed contemporary we have repeated.
ly declared that criminals were only har
dened by corporal punishment. We now
discover that we have been altogether
wrong, and that
Don't! Don't" shouted the burglar
as Mr.. Boneset spat on his hands and
flourished the broomstick. you didn't
get all my money If you will let me go
/ will tell you where have hidden 500"
"Well?"
"In that left boot. Take it and let me
60, and you'll never see me around here
again"
Mr.. Boneset pulled off the boot and
found five twenty dollar bills in it. He put
them in his pocket and asked:
Got any more?"
Not red. Now let me CO."
Holding the burglars revolver in one
hand and using a knife with the other Mr..
Boneset soon freed the fellow from bond
age. He had no pluck left He got upon
his feet with groan, opened the kitchen
door as commanded, and the editor fol
lowed him around the house to the front