Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1892-01-15
WIT AND IIUMOR.

w HcHeNci ' ou nedI man ST lHdI MI
men are alike it is an apology for some
very contemp tible scoundrel. -AtchiSOn
Globe
Doubtless when they speak of the
warning elements" they mean when the
winds have come to blows IFaShing-
TON Post.
You see, Baron, my papa gives me a
book every birthday" ''Ah! yon must
have already quite library Ftieges-
de BLatter.
The standard military pace is two
and half feet. On a dOuble-quick
retreat it is more.-New Orleans Pea
yune.
Speaking of hydropathic cures it
strikes us that we'll water ought to be
good for sick people.-Binghanat0n Re
publican.
Nov, Johnny" said papa, who
was Adam?" He was the man who
discovered the world" said johnny
HGrper's BazGr.
Hilow-''Now, look here Bloobump-
er, I wouldn't be fool if were you"
BloCbumper-'No. if YOU were |, you
wouldn't be fool. "-Epoch.
Sanso - Have you been playing
poker for money!" Rodd (disconso-
fately)-"No; but the fellows I've been
playing with have. ~ Y Herald.
When society whispers, you eau bet
it's whispering i'll of some one; when it
speaks good of any one it uses long
distance trumpet.-St- Joseph Nea0S.
Bob {the author)-"Wait Il minute,
and pll show you the proofs of my
novel; Gore-'.No, no! don't want
any proofs. Your word is enough. -
Puck.
Namby-"She is very rich. Do you
suppose he had tender feeling for
herP" Hooks-"Of course, of course
"a legaI-tender feeling" - N. y.
Herald.
"Ryhmer is wonderful poet. He
seems a brother to the muses." Yes.
He has wooed them all and they have
apparently agreed to be sisters to him."
N Y. Sam.
Ieacher-''Tommy, will you give an
example of tautologyP" Tommy -
Saw one in our paper this morning.
1t spoke of a 'brainless dude. "-I1a-
dia21apOLiS Journal.
You say YOU waited on Carter when
he married?n Yes, | waited on him
six months. and I'm still waiting. He
bought his wedding suit of me. -
Detroit Free Press.
as there stationery store in town?'
pSked visitor at a Kansas hotel. mo,
..f,n replied the clerk. as ne shook his
head; this town is in the Cy clone belt. "
Jumpers Bazar.
The wicked stand with immunity in
slippery places, whereas small banana
peel hings the heels of the righteous to
the sky like unto the heels of the lazy
mule. -DutL0S Ne20S.
off you gave less expensive presents
to people YOU could have better apart
ments than these" II know; but |
shouldn't get half SO many good din
ners. "-Horper's Bazar.
Suggest motto for nv new bust
ness venture, will you, Miss Agnes?"
What is the business?" "A dairy
farm" Then suppose you take
Leave we'll alone" THE Jester.
Mr. A. Tennyson Fizzle-'It is your
day now, but | will be remembered
when you have been forgotten" Old
Gotrox-' Shouldn't wonder; | always
pay cash. "-IpdianapoEiS Journat.
Judge TO small witness)--"Do you
know the nature Of an oath?" 20, yes,
sir. | am an officeboy and have to
answer the telephone every few min
utes." 1.-THE Epoch.
Keely's rival. the man who had al
most invented perpetual motion, is
dead. But there are plenty of men still
living who haze almost done something
great. -Bufut0 Express.
Walker (newly marrieO hope
you will do justice to my wifc's bis
cults, old man?" Cutting (his guest)
well, frankly, | think they deserve
thirty days. american Grocer.
You advertise that YOU are selling
wine at original prices, and yet YOU
are charging double what any one else
is ASKING" That is what there is
original about it. "-Ftjege'ade Blatter.
Harry-"Your remarks Miss Jennie.
are so spiced with wit that they quite
take my breath away" Jennie-"Pm
glad of that, for your efforts with
cloves have been fiat failures!"-N T.
Herald.
"Demi-train," he exclaimed as he
stepped on it and fell over it in two or
three places. But it isn't" she said,
unconscious of his profanity, and proud
~, for it was her first long gown
Washington Star.
Mrs. Honeyton-"Ar those some of
the cigars l gave youP" Honeyton-
Yes" MrA Honeyton How are
theyp" Honeyton-"They are of the
kind that it is better to give than to re-
ceive. "--Harper's Bazaar.
Mabei--''Haven't l told you hum
dred times not to kiss me! Jacques
Yes. l suppose you have."' Mabel
well, if you knew how hard it was for
me to say it you wouldn't make me do
it."-B0St0n Courier.
Il cannot permit it," said the mis-.
tress; you must not bring strangers
into the Kitchen" "StrangersP Why,
Mr.. Locust's not stranger! | knew
him before he got on the police force"
Philadelphia Times.
Let Us see-a cynic is man who is
tired of the world, is he not?" the
young language student asked. mo,
no, my child" replied the knowing
tutor. "A cynic is man of whom the
world is tired. -uitUautee Sentinel.
You're just too late,
Yabsley, Nudge has just finished sing
ing Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep.