, 1892-02-27
A YAKIMAN'S YELL.
A Chicago Herald Man is Not
Stuck on 1t.

He Gives a Funny Account of a
"Trip He FoOk Across Eastern
Washington From the Desert
Into the Land OF Rain.
Chicago Herald: 'It is the garden spot
of the earth, sir"
We had arrived at North Yakima, in
eastern Washington, and new engine was
being put on, replacing the one that had
hauled us from Pasco. For miles and
miles, since leaving Spokane, the train had
rumbled through the most desolate, for
lorn-Iooking country that lies out of doors
$50 barren, 50 dry, SO wretched appearing
that even the sage brush looked stunted
and discouraged. The dust enyeloped the
train in a brownish yellow cloud. 1t sifted
in, despite the double windows of the Pull
man. and turned the blue plush of the
seats into dirty drab. 1t filtered into
hair and beard, and formed CHASTITY circles
about the eyes of the travellers. Looking
out of the car door back upon the track it
could be seen spirting up from under the
ties in Jets such as a Lake View sidewalk
throws up in rainy weather. No trees, no
house-not a living thing in sight. The
dead body of coyote lying beside the
track accentuated the picture. lit was the
very abomination of desolation. And hot
Though in the middle of October, the ther-
mometer, if there had been one in sight,
wonld have marked 100 degrees. The men
in the cars had their coats of, and the Wo-
men were hopelessly stirring the dust
laden atmosphere with newspapers twisted
into fans.
at is the garden spot of the earth, sirl''
He got into the sleeper as the train
stopped and strolled into the smoking
room where four or five miserable beings
were glaFing at one another i'll dirty and
thirsty misery-for the ice in the water
cooler had vanished during the run
through the desert He inquired in an
off-hand sort of way what the travellers
thought of the country they had just
passed through. One of them, a Penn
sylyania farmer, with the recollection OF
his gently sloping, wooded hills and clear,
murmuring streams made strong within
him by the contrast, Yentured the opinion
that it might be worth Is cents township
as penal settlement for murderers.
The North Yakiman smiled the bland
and pitying smile of superior knowledge.
He beamed through his eye-glasses-we
soon found him to be an ex-Bostonian-
and unimbered his Athenian tongue.
"That land through which you have
Just passed said he, els volcanic ash.
III admit that it looks a trlfe discourag-
ing now, but put water on it-put water on
that land, gentlemen, and it will produce
anything that grows on the broad earth
between the equator and the pole. Not
only that, but it will produce more of it.
Why, gentlemen, what would you say to
radish weighing 10 pounds2 He paused
for reply. A wretched, dirt-smeared at
tempt at grin was the only response.
"oh, you may laugh, adgg put 5t's true. What
dye think of 2, 500 pounds OF hops to the
aere2 How would 100 bushels of wheat to
the acre strike you Did you ever see
corn so high that it had to be gathered by
men on horseback? How'd you like to
see a potato weighing seven pounds
That's what that land will produce. Fif-
teen cents a township, hey pa snort
''Why, that lands worth $40 an acre today,
and within six months it'll be worth $75
an acre. We're gong to build big irriga-
ton ditch, forty miles long, down into
that country and turn the Yakima river
into it. When that's done it will blossom
like rose. Irrigation q nulsanceP Why,
my dear sir, we have no rain here from
January to December. The sky is always
blue, as you see it now" pointing through
the attendant dust cloud to the heavens
the train had started again II wouldn't
live in country where it rains. No, sir;
when my crops need water | don't have to
stand around praying for rain. I just say:
Jim, open the sluice gate on that alfalfa
for two hours and the jobs done. Rain,
another snort "you couldn't
make me present of land in a country
where it rains"
a HEALTHY COUNTRY.
Glow is this district for healthfulness p,
inquired an Iowa doctor who was going to
Portland to loca te.
"WeI, sir, I've been here for four years,
and the only death in the country during
that time was when Cockeyed Charley, a
Yakima Indian, had his neck broken by
being thrown from pony. He was drunk
at the time, too, or he wouldn't have been
hurt. There isn't doctor in my town,
and I'm glad of it. Don't think much of
'em, anyhow.
The doctor relapsed into silence. Still
the Athenlan tongue Wagged. The meta
phors of Proctor Knott's Duluth speech
paled their Intellectual fires before the
praises OF the Yakima valley as voiced by
their ex-Bestonian. Pumpkins So big that
team of horses found one of them load;
plu1ns as large as an ordinary apple; straw
berries-why, bless you-one of em was
enough for family of four; gigantic
squashes; brobdignagian tomatoes-all the
products of the earth parallel in heroic di-
menslons before our wondering eyes, the
monologue Widding up with the admoni-
ton to secure some land in the favored
spot before it was eyerlastingly too late.
It grew toward dark. The little group
in the smoking room became silent. Even
bn6 68 8pOuedP VI UuS WOllQeTS Oi Eastern
Washington gradually simmered down.
Then an idea struck him.
'tGoing to Portland 2" he inquired of the
Pennsylvanian.
"Tacoma first; then Seattle" was the
reply.
tone of solicitude
"Neither macintosh, umbrella nor over
Shoes"
sMy dear sir. are you serious2 If you
are you haYe certainly never been to Ta-
coma before. Why, you'll drown over
there; you'll positively drown. By George,
you We no idea of the weather. Why, they
wear their mackintoshes all the time over
there. They use 'em for night gowns, by
Jovel Itrains every day of the year at Ia
coma; it does, sir. Seattle's almost as bad,
only there it SHOWS occasionally in winter
it rains all the time at Tacoma
We all laughed.
"Im not exaggeTating particle. Just
wait till we get through the tunnel in the
Cascade range. On this side of the noun
hOn the other side of the range it rains all
the time. I bet SIS to 81 we strike rain
storm when we reach the western end of
/ the tunnel!"
No one took the bet. It 50 happened
! that it wasn't raining on the western side,
and the Yakima man called heaven to
witness that it was the first dry day in the
memory of man.
Repartee.
Brooklyn Life: 'fApril fooll,1 exclaimed
Bloobumper, after catching her by some
trivial trick, on April.
'Well," she replied, 'sI'd rather be an
i ADril fool than one pvnIyv month In +bo