davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
A ParaIyzing Pun.

He was one of those punsters who make puns even at funerals. Just like the man that John Dennis had in mind when, in 1891, he wrote: "A man who would make so vile pun would not scruple to pick a pocket" He makes vile puns, mostly, but he makes a good one now and then. A man who makes many puns cannot help but make a good one once in awhile. The particu- lar pun which is to be given to the pub lie in this paragraph was made in the office of a certain official who has a white beard long and flowing. The punster and Rochester Union report CT entered the office together and to- gether spoke to the official. The re- porter noticed a hair on the officials shoulder and said: ''Mr. -, there's a long, white hair on your coat; I'll take it off. ' The punster saw that his chance had come, and, gathering himself as a bloodthirsty mosquito does when about to bite an innocent maiden. blurted out: ''White hair it away" Neither the official nor the reporter spoke for mo- ment. They were paralyzed by the des- perate mans audacity.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
Flaxseed In the Eve.

Putting faxseed under the lid of the eye to get out einder which has acci- dentally lodged there may seem curi- ous method of abolishing nuisance, but is nevertheless quite effective. After the seed has been moistened by the secretions of the eye it exudes a mucilage, which not only alleviates the irritation of foreign body, but also frequently surrounds it and prevents pain from the motion of the eyeball against the cinder and ultimately as- sists in its removal The remedy may seem novel to many persons, says the St. Louis Globe-Democrat, but there are commercial travellers in this city who never start on journey without a pinch of faxSeed somewhere in their baggage where it can be easily reached in case of an accidental cinder in the course of a railway journey.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
HUNTING TIE MOOSE.
An Animal That Is Very Scarce and Hard
 to Capture.

An Animal That Is Very Scarce and Hard
 to Capture.
 The only real moese-hunters are half-breeds or full-blooded Indians. Without the aid of these native sports men the white man has but little chance of capturing antlers for hall or dining room. When the snow is deep, and the white hunter is provided with snow shoes and reasonable amount of wood craft, he may achieve some success. The moose, says Frank Leslie's Weekly, is nocturnal and feeds atnight upon the tops of the gray and golden willow. During the day he sleeps, but always with one eye open-or, more literally, with one ponderous ear ready to catch and transmit the slightest sound to the brain in tho great awkward head. The wise hunter, who understands the habits of the game, does not run headlong on the trail when he strikes it in the snow, because the moose has thought of that and doubled on his track, and maybe at the moment the trail is struck, quiet ly watching the snow-shoers from a thicket not more than twenty feet away. Hence the hunters with greater caution constantly make dotours from the trail until the game is located. If the moose is only wounded when fired upon he is dangerous fee, for he will dance on his hind legs like dancing master, and strike with his sharp fore feet like an expert fencer. He seldom uses his antlers unless wounded in one of his dancing legs, when he must needs use his head as an offensive weapon.
 A few moose are still left in Maine, with now and then straggler in north ern New York, but they, like the buffa- To, have had their day, and it will not be long before a few skins in the muse ums will furnish the only visible traces of this grand forest king.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
A Monkeys Insal!.eence.

III the Nature Notes, Robert Morley tells the following story: A friend of hIr. Morley's, a native of India, was sit ting in his garden, when loud chat tering announced the arrival of Q large party of monkeys, who forthwith pro- ceeded to make meal off his fruits. Fearing the loss of his entire crop. he fetched his fowlinGpiece, and, to frighten them away, fired it off, as he thought, over the heads of the chatter ing crew. They all lied away, but, he noticed, left behind upon bough what looked like one fallen asleep, with its head resting upon its arms. As it did not move, he sent servant up the tree, who found that it was quite dead, hay ing been shot through the heart. He had it fetched down and buried beneath the tree; and on the morrow he saw sitting upon the little mound the mate of the dead monkey. It remained there for several days bewailing it's loss.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
ASTROLOGICAL HoRoLoeX.
Time by the Movements of the
 Stars.

Computing Time by the Movements of the 3 Stars.
 Most people in clear day can, with out watch or other timepiece, form a closely approximate idea of the time of day by the position of the sun, but few, perhaps, have guessed at any similar method of computing the time during the night without any other means than the starry skies" Notwithstanding, a fairly reliable time indicator can be found in the northern skies on every cloudless night. As is generally known, says the Mechanical News, the group of fixed stars called the "Dipper" makes an apparent revolution toward the north star in every twenty-four hours, with the two stars forming the outer elevation of the bowl of the dipper pointing nearly directly to the polar star continuously.
 If the position of the pointers" is taken at any given hour, say six o'clock in the evening in winter time and as soon as it dark in the summer, the hour can thereafter be pretty accurately measured by the eye during the night. Frequent observations of positions will have to be made at the given hour, as, owing to the constant changing of the earth's position in space, the position of the pointers" in relation to our point of observation and the star also changes. Observations taken during a year and impressed on the mind will make very good time indicator of that part of celestial space.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
ntnr.x of the Sand Riast.

: The use of the sand blast is now found to be a very convenient and eff fective method of cleaning buildings. A pump which forces blast of air at a pressure of four ounces to the square inch through system of flexible pipes removes the unclean surface of stone readily. One square foot of stone can thus be cleaned in ten minutes and the rapidity of the process can be increased by the use of a higher pressure. This method has been found to possess many advantages over the use of acid for this purpose. Another, though an older, application of the sand blast is for the whitening of the outside of incandes- cent lamp bulbs, and decorative effects are often introduced by fastening let ters or ornaments upon the outside, such decorations being especially ap- plicable to hotels and such places, where it is desirable that each lamp shall bear the name of the establish Inent
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
A MISER'S HOARD.
An old Frenchman's Queer Hiding Place
 for His Money.

An old Frenchman's Queer Hiding Place
 for His Money.
 The relatives and heirs of an old man who recently died in a small French village have to congratulate themselves on the circumstance that his death took place during the winter, and that, con- sequently, while waiting in his cottage for the departure of the funeral cortege to the church and the cemetery, fire was made to warm the room. The de- funct, says the London Standard, was in humble circumstances, and though of a thrifty, careful disposition, nobody thought he had left any property worth mentioning behind him. The day of the funeral being very cold one, the old mans store of firewood was drawn upon more freely, possibly, than the thrifty cottager himself would have ap- proved of, and this led to a remarkable discovery. As the flames from the cracking logs shot up, one of the clumps of wood split in two, and out of it, to the surprise of the assembled rel atives, rolled golden stream of louis dor. When this precious log, which the deceased had chosen as the hiding place of it's savings, was emptied of it's con- tents, there was found over one hun dred and fifty gold pieces-quite for tune for man in his humble position in life. People of a miserly disposition are fond of concealing their hoards in queer places But it is probable that none of the old cottager's relatives would have dreamed of inspecting his store of firewood.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
HE CARRIED A KNIFE.
The Singular Contents Of a Pickerel's
 Stomach.

Stomach.
 On the last day of ice-picl1erel fishing in this county this season Will Schless- Ter of this village caught q four-pounder bl KillOw's pond, near here, says a Honesdale (Pa.) correspondent of the New York Sun. The fisherman was not little taken ablcl1 to discover an i'm rnense fish-hool1 in the piclZerel's upper jaw and about ten feet of ish-line trail- ing from its mouth. This inc was fast oned to another big and rusty hook that was buried iR the pic.1erel's throat. These things were sufficiently surpris- ing, Schlessler thought, but when he dressed the piciloTei Ee found that the fish had still greater surprises in store. The first one of these was an eigit-inch catfish, with sharp hc-n3 an inch and a half long, in the pickeTei's stomach, and not only in it's stomach, but with the horns imbedded ia tAe pickerel'S flesh. Removing the catfish and proceeding further with dressing the picl1erel, Schlessler found some hard substance in its stomach. This proved to be a two-bladed knife five inches in length with bpcl1horn handle an inch thick. The appearance of the knife showed that it must have been inside the pick erel a long time, as the metal was coated thick with rust and the buck horn had become quite smooth.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
BUSINESS AND MORALS.
They Have No Connection Now, But Some 1.h. Day They May Have.

They Have No Connection Now, But Some rse Day They May Have.
 g It is ,very common thing for people to lament that they did not get rid of this or that property before its value depreciated. Of course, what they are really sorry for is that they could not have contrived to saddle their loss on some one else. It is sign of the im- perfection of contemporary benevolence that good people should have such feel ings and should regard them as matters of course. They are humorously un- christian, says Scribner. The utmost the average contemporary moralist en- joins is that man shall not unload" upon his friends. He cannot so much as imagine scruple about selling out cadescent stocks in open market.
 It will not be so when the millennium comes. Property will continue then, as now, to huctuate in value, but the prospect of a depression will no longer strike the owner as good reason for selling out. His superior moral sense will then, as now, be profitable to his estate, since property doesn't always depreciate as much as is expected, and often in the end it recovers more than 1t lost. But the great advantage from a business point of view of the perfect ed altruism will be emancipation of the altruist from panic and all its conse- quences, since the man who is more ready to accept his loss than to pass it on is not to be scared into a foolish sacrifice by the shadow of it before hard
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
FEMlN INE VANITY.
A Photographers Ingenious Way of Ca
 teriag to It.

A Photographers Ingenious Way of Ca-
 teriag to It.
 A London photographer has con- ceived an idea which has already made him fame, and deserves to make his for Times, that when he had a lady sitter with lovely, graceful feet she was al- ways at least willing to let them ap- pear in the picture, but that when the boots were over size she took care to keep them under the edges of her gown. So this man of genius caused to be constructed pair of artificial feet of dainty proportions, and had them dressed in the newest and most ap- proved bottines. These he exposed in his atelier and explained to visitors. After awhile he delicately suggested to a lady whose feet were uncompromis- ing that she permit these to enter into the picture, and, deftly hooking the false feet to the hem of her gown, made a charming full length photograph. His success has dated from thac day. London women don't mind availing themselves of the artificial beauty any more than of powder or any other toilet aid. Apropos of successful photographs, there is very simple way of prevent ing the depressed, disccnsolate look that one's face is apt to assume in the forced repose of siGting. It is to drink just a thimbleful of sherry in the dress ing-room. It will put into your face the tiny touch of life and animation that adds so much to the beauty of likeness, and which is so apt to degcn- crate into grin when assumed to or
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
LUCKY ROSEMARY.
A Plant That Was Used as an Antidote
 for Evil.

A Plant That Was Used as an Antidote
 for Evil.
 In the south of Europe the rosemary has long had magic properties ascribed to it. The Spanish ladies used to wear it as an antidote against the evil eye, and the Portuguese called it the Elfn plant and dedicated it to the fairies. The idea of the antidote, says All the Year Round, may have been due to a confusion of the name with that of the Virgin, but, as 8 matter of fact, the ''rosmarinus'' is frequently mentioned by old Latin writers, including Horace and Ovid.
 The name came from the fondness of the plant for the sea shore; here it often gets sprinllled with the ''ros" or dew of the sea-that is to say, sea-spray. An other cause of confusion, perhaps, was that the leaves of the plant somewhat resemble those of the juniper, which in medieval times was held sacred to the Virgin Mary.
 In the island of Crete, it is said bride dressed for the wedding still calls last of all for a sprig of rosemary to bring her luck. And now we come to find rosemary in close association with both marriage and death, just as the hyacinth was, and perhaps still is, among the Greeks. It is interesting to trace the connection by which the same plant came to have two such different uses.
 One of the earliest mentions of rose mary in English literature is in a poem of the fourteenth century, called ''The Gloriouse Rosemaryne," which begins thus:
 This herbe is callit rosemaryne,
 Of vertu that is gode and fyne;
 But all the vertues' tell ne can,
 Nor, trowe, no erthelY man.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
Intelligent Fishes.

By far the most intelligent denizens of the deep are the dolphin and the porpoise, and long and careful exam ination of two of the latter, which for merly inhabited the large tank at the Brighton (Eng.) aquarium, proved them to be not only tamable and even socia- ble as regards man, but also to possess social likes and dislil1es, and great ex- clusiveness with regard to other in- habitants of what they considered their particular domain.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-12-08
The King of Ashantee,s 1yiyes.

Tn Ashantee no man is ever allowed to see any of tie kings wives, and should he even accidentally see one his punishment is death. These wives dur ing the working season attend to the kings plantations, but the rest of the time they live at Coomassle, the Ashan- tee capital, where they occupy two long streets.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

In spite % the energy displayed by United
States and MsIican troop-. who have been On
dssvoring for several months past 10 bring or
d-r out % rcbsllicu- chaos. there l. still very
much disturbance along the Rio GrAnde In
les there - . mir.culou. change In the char
AFTER % the people Who cause trouble in that
region there cannot b yeace save through the
s'.tiuning thsr. o. an adequate body Of hight
ing men The soldiers Who doing duty on
The northern bank % the river have done won
drou.lv veil. but the force il insufficient Tho
WORK ha. been most dinicul; and disagreeable
First, there vas the pursuit and disintegration
of . very formidable Aggregation Of snug
Ficr-. train wrecksrs and escaped Jail birds,
without interfering .nv more than was actually
necessary With the rights Of innocent persons.
Then came the prosecution OF those who
seemed 20 be guilty. against whom the grand
Jury found true bills and that brought with 10
vilihcstion % the army officer. who had caused
made the arrests; outrageous abuse. accom-
Vanied by murderou. threats IL IL by no
means creditaLle to the United States govern
ment that n has permitted its faithful servants
O. be slaEdered and openly threatened simply
because they executed the orders sent them
from this city. II the Cara emeute on the
Rio Grsnde Il At an end the conclusion would
seem o. be the work Of individual American
army officers and not Of the authorities at the
national capital
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

People Who are intent on finding a parallel
case by witch 20 prove that the Senate should
not confirm presidential nominations made
during the last session Of the presidential term
wili End nothing In the senatorial action OF
-four years ago 10 all their argument Nomina-
ton- which were left stranded March
4 iss9. owed their condition largely to the
fact that thsy were sent In within forty
DAYS PRIOR o. adjournment At that advanced
stage Of the session. when public business Of all
kinds l. crowding Legislators into the greatest
possible activity, proper Investigation bv the
appropriate committees was far from easy. and
Nhen u j. further considered that nearly all OF
the nominations referred 20 were political in
every sense u the word there was more than
show % reason for hanging them up. One
nomination Carroll y Wright to be commits
.oi.sr q labor reached the Senate As late
February and was favorably acted upon, but
in the other cases 10 deemed but fair To the
senate that more time be asked. ANY effort to
discover likeness between the events which
bod 90 the practical rejection % some Of Mr..
Clsveiand's eleventh-hour nominees, including
that - Mr.. Stevenson TO be Judge. which was
made February II. three weeks before adjourn-
ueut. and the aute--e-sion nomination Of
Judge McCOmAs must necessarily fail.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

AL the reliable political authorities in Mis-
souri seemed 20 have reached the conclusion
that senator Cockrell will be reelected. Com
msniing ON this the Kansas CITY Tunes saws:
The voters OF Missouri believe every word
they hear from Cockreu because he never in
hi- life told he or made an intentiona! mis-
representation. They believe him also because
his habit i 60 ascertain the whole truth before
h. speaks. He l. admired because be has been
equal - every occasion al the bar. in battle
and IN the arena % political debate. He is
trusted because hi. hfa has been one OF i'm
mhculai- purity. lie i- loved because he has a
heart big enough TO sympsthize with all
humanity AMI 10 tenderly feel for the animals
Of Gods creation
How many men are there in public life who
can secure such . certificate q good charNcteT2
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

Indiana republicans are talking seriously Of
making an effort 10 send Gen. Harrison to the
United States Senate al the earliest oppor-
tuuity. The idea i- a good one. Gen. Har-
ri-on i too clever a statesman to be relega;ed
10 that .smI-Obscurity which seems TO be the
retreat Of ex-Pre-ident-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16
. .

An ingenious electrician haichas eggs by cleo
tricity and dos II 80 eheaply that no American
hon can compete By and by electricity will
give -eui!e eggs a market price and then peoples
party orators NAV venture even into the rural
portions o: Georgia
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16
XXX M NM A s'ss
TX HIM ~ ssss
s {. .s 5: + F + :: ::
Ar CnA1e & HARp1se,s,
Con. 18th & F Sis NV.

7hfs 20 NJ idle boast. We knon that you
cannot buy equal grade furniture anywhere
else in Washington or sny other city at
lower prices than are quoted by u.s. The
marked success Of our business In the short
time We have been established proves that
you appreciate our methods Of doing bust
ness- The foremost furniture manufac-
turers Of the world vie with one another to
place their productions before you through
u.s. With our unsurpassed facilities for
securing the most stylish pieces and the
most substantial workmanship and in
marking every article in plain figures at
its lowest possible selling price we firmly
believe that we can do better for you than
any one else In our line. Just now our es-
Enlistment is ''brim full" of Just such at
tractive pieces Of small furniture as is de-
sired for gift making. embracing Elegant
Onyx Tables. Fancy Rockers. Fancy
Tables. Ladies' Writing Desks. Book Cases.
Parlor Cabinets. Ladies' Dressing Tables,
Mems Shaving Stands. Turkish Rockers,
Parlor Pieces. &c. Being a new frm our
stock Is also new. SO you can depend upon
all furniture sold by us as being the very
latest designs There is . fashion In furui-
ture and We follow 1t closely.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

The editor d the Nortonvillc Kan Ne'rs
J. being guyed because b. Is running a home
made translation % Caesar. "Gallc Wars" IN
hi weekly. lie knows what h. Is dong. II
pOpull-t.c Iieas continue to increase and null
uply ard expand there Will be a market even
Tor ancient military tactics.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

Arsau-as rcioire- IN citizen Who has teen
welded more than forty times in the pat
sisvsn years. Who has dessrsd every wife
within three mon;h- after her marriage and
vAo l. stu ogt q BAL
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

Judge Miller has announced that be will here
after send policy people 10 jai! instead Of duiug
them. A policy mans time, Judging from a
reasonable estimate a. to the proceeds from
the game. i more valuable than the money he
would pay this Is particularly effective way of
reaching HIM. II also serves 20 emphasize the
opprobrium tia, properly attaches to the busi-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

Some very horrible experiences doubles faI,
30 the iot % those who are unfortunate enough
o. be- e1ilsd 20 siberia but there J. an eleueui
Of improbshili;v IN the statement that prisoner,
en- route 90 the mines stopped severA! times
during the dsy 20 pour out % their boot. the
blood which flowed into tkem almost coatiul-
ously. There i narrow limit TO the quantity
% human blood which can be Lost without SAC
rilriue life
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

The mar Who vas shot and killed by Texas
girl because be would not fall in love with her
b o. b. congratulated There are some things
lees desirable than death
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

when ths Inducements tina, are demanded 10
remove u are conside-ei 10 becomes evident
ta-i a grade crossing O. hrst-elas, property Cor
parposss 20 speculation
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

1rest Britain supports royal family at
ss00o pr uses. Yet there .ssms 10 he no
deposition among Eus.i-hmoa - Pro;es; at
thi- -tyis q a pension hat
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1892-12-16

Governor Tillman has in his prohibition bill
s.ncuoned the Use o. liquor medicine. His
enemies vii at once pounce upon him As a pro-
moter Of legislation 20 favor the drug store
keenars.