The Portland daily press., 1892-12-22
THE OFFICE SEEKER.
His Lot is Not Altogether a Happy
One.
Tho Ouadrennial Influx of Place Hunters
Has Commenced at Washington-Nine-
teen Out of Twenty of Them Are I'm

Has Commenced at W&sh1ngton-N1ne-
teen Out of Twenty of Them Are I'm
Observation-Disclosures of the Situation.
Especial Correspondence
WASHINGTON, Dec. l5.-Already the
Office seeker is coming to town. In
dividually and collectively the Office
seeker has my most profound sympathy.
He is one of the most unfortunate of
M ,rtals. If you had seen as many Of
him as have, if you had watched his
sure and swift descent from the tops of
the bright colored clouds to the depths
of despair as have watched him here
in Washington, you would understand
why | pity him. Nineteen men out of
twenty who start out for an Office fail to
getit. 1t lis almost as bad as trying to win
the capital prize in a lottery. The worst
of it is the lucky man, the one who out
strips his competitors and comes first
and smiling under the wire, often does
so only to live to rue the day and curse
the fates that they didn't permit some
other fellow to get ahead of him.
At every change Of administration the
number Of people who start out to win
an office is something amazing and pro-
digious. If the truth could be told you
wouldn't believe it. but would denounce
the figures as imaginative and false. tell
the solemn truth when | say that among
my own acauaintances, and don't know
everybody in the United States, there are
fully hundred men who imagine they
can get some Office or other under Cleve-
land, and who are guilty of the more
ridiculous superstition that | might be
able to help them. Why, if I were to
start out to win for myself the post Of
consul at Hades, place which | am
sure no one else would want, Mr.. Cleve-
land would set his dog on me. There
fore | shan't set out for that Office OF
any other, and my advice to all my
friends, my personal friends and those
thousands of other good friends who do
me the honor to read and like my letters,
is, don't get the officeholding craze in
your bonnets. Avoid it as you would
the pestilence. Catch cholera or yellow
fever or smallpox, but don't suffer your
system to be poisoned with the Office
seeking virus. Its germs are deadly; it
blights and ruins.
If there is one man in the United
States who wants an Office under Cleve-
land / suppose there must be 2,00o,0 900
men. This is d pretty large figure con-
sidering that there are only 15,00O,00
voters in the land, but don't believe
the estimate is too high. Within the
gift of the government there are about
10000 posts, counting everything
Though there won't be that many ap-
pointments by a long Ways, and for
every possible hole there must be at
least fifteen or twenty pegs waiting to
see if they can't get in.
In this respect the Democrats are no
worse than the Republicans Four years
ago there was the same craze to get pub
lie. employment among the Republicans,
and eight years ago the Democrats gave
Just such an exhibition as they are CIV
ing now. The Office seeking disease is
no respecter of parties or persons. 1t is
funny to note the difference between the
mails received by Republicans and Dem,
ocrats in congress nowadays. | was
struck by this yesterday while chatting
with a couple of friends on the floor Of
the house. One is a Republican con-
gresham and the other Democrat.
On the desk of the former were two
letters from his constituents, both about
pension cases. The desk of the Demo-
GRAFT was heaped high with letters, and
as the Republican congressman looked
over to his neighbor and smiled, and the
latter groaned and grunted and ejacu-
lated, '.All from Office seekers; have
had 600 such letters since | came back
to Washington, l thought that all the
Joy is not to the victors in a political
contest. The mail of Democratic SEN
ators and representatives is swollen to
enormous proportions by the influx of
applications for office. They hire Ste
nographers and assistants and are unable
to keep up with their correspondence.
A man now in the. government EN-.
ploy in a humble position obtained his
appointment by taking off his coat in
President Harrison's room and show
ing the wounds which he had received
in the war. FEs
This incident reminds me of story
told of General jackson. General Van
Rensselaer,, one of the heroes of the wal
of 1919, was postmaster at Albany. He
belonged to the Federalist party, and
when Jackson became president his re-
moval was OF course asked for. Martin
Van Buren, and Silas Wright demanded
his decapitation. The old general him.
self came to Washington and called on
the president. General Jackson - he
said, "the politicians want my Office
though they know have nothing else
to live upon The president made nc
reply till the old postmaster began TAX
ing off his coat "What are you going
to do" asked jackson. "Why do yo'
take off your coat here?" well, sir,
am going to show you my wounds, which
/ received in fighting for my country
against the English" "Put it on al
once, sir was the reply. Il am sur
prised that man of your age should
make such an exhibition Of himself,
and the eyes of the iron president were