The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-05-26
HUMOROUS.

-"John," said the dealer, where is
the key to this self-locking safe?' "In.
soide, sorr. It'll not be losht there,
SORT" returned John.
Very Likely.-''Why do they have
so many fine oil paintings in saloons
nowadays?' ''Probably because waite,
colors would be inappropriate" Truth
Alphabetically speaking the nave
is the body of the church, but it by nc
means follows that the body of the
church is composed of knaves.-Lowel]
Mail.
Poor Browney fell off the yacht
and was drowned. "Couldn' he swim?''
"Of course he could. but he didn't have
his swimming clothes on. '-Harper's
Bazaar.
Straw ber-'I heard that you made
an hours speech at the debating club.
Was it we'll received?'' Singerly-"They
cheered me when I sat down" -Brook
Ign Life.
-Professor-''In case a man had both
hands cut off, what is the first thing
you would do2' STUDENT candidate fol-
position of ambulance surgeon)-"Fee]
his pulse
Tales that Thrill. -"What
do the women do in their club? Dc
they tell bear stories and fishing lies as
men do?" Miss Demure-"No. They
tell mouse stories N Y. Sun.
-Judge-s'What sort of man, now
was it you saw commit the ASSAULT
Constable-''Sure, your honor, he was a
small, insignificant cratur about your
own size, your HONOR
She Knew.-Soppy (To the kid af
ter a long wait)-"Does your siste,
know I'm here, Fannie?' Fannie
''Oh, yes, Mr. Soppy, that's why she's
taking her time about coming down.
Detroit Free Press.
-Scribbler-'I lent the editor nv UNI.
brella few days ago, as he forgot his
and it looked like RAIN Tomson-
HAS he returned it yet?" Scribbler
(sadly)-"No, but he will; he returns
everything Of mine. Truth.
How 1t Was.-"Harry," remarked
3 Cass avenue wife to her husband,
what is your financial state this morn
ing?' ct isn't state at all, my dear, u
he said, turning his pockets inside out;
''it's nothing more than a territory
Detroit Free Press.
Customer "You said this cloth
would wear like iron. I've only worn
these trousers two months, and now
look at this. Do you call that wearing
like IRON Tailor-"Certainly I do.
Amt they rusty enough to suit you?"-
Boston Transcript.
well. Uncle 81, you are prophet;
tell me what is the weather prospect
for tomorrow" "Ye'n have ter ex-
cuse me ter-day, sir; I'm too busy to tell
ye. Call around day after tomorrow,
and I'll give you all the information you
want about tomorrow Harpers Ba-
Ear.
They Never Met.-"Is it true -
asked sympathetic friend, that you
met with another accident ON the street
yesterday?'' "No, SIR" said the victim,
surlily, ''it isn't. I'm not meeting these
accidents at all; they're following me
up, dye hear following me up!'-St.
Joseph News.
Another View of It.-First Suicide
struggling in the water)-''There's
nothing in life worth living for" Sec
ond Suicide -" True; but I've Just
thought of the fact that there Is moth
ing in death worth dying for. I'm go.
ing to get my clothes and go home.
Seattle Soundings.
The Voice of Experence.-Young
Callow-"Do you think it is more trou.
BILE for husband to manage wife than
for wife to manage husband?
Benedick-''I don't know, but if an ex.
pertinent of that kind is to be tried in
one family there is likely to be trouble
enough for both.