St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1892-08-28
We all know her-the perfect woman,

We all know her-the perfect woman,
born to set the world to rights, espe-
cialIy the infartile part Of it.
What though married sisters small
brood give her daily object lessons in
infantile total depravity, her faith re-
mains mistaken: it is all due to bad
management, says down Eastern writ
er.
No matter what happens-if Tommy
comes cropper sliding down the banis-
ters. and is taken up with broken nose,
orLucy is pert to grandmamma andsaucy
to the minister: if Ted breaks his toys
to see what is inside; if Charley gets
dirty as pig, or baby has spasms-the
theorist says in calm disapproval: ode
pend on it, my children will never make
me such trouble"
All depends. she tells you, on begin
ming right, and certainly she will make
no mistake. She quotes with junction.
the saying, "Give me the first SIX years
of child's life: you may take the rest"
Indeed, she fairly yearns to expert
ment OH the younglings of her sisters
flock. When sh etries it with the re-
suit of chaos plus an earthquake, she
signs audibly. What else could you
expect of such dreadfullv spoiled crea-
lures. If they were my children now"
- A comprehensive gesture expresses
the unutterably different finale.
my children are to recognize order
as earth's first law no less than heav-
ems. They speak when spoken to,
answer when called, never ask Ques-
tions, fight or misbehave before COM
pany, never tear their picture books.
chase the cat. eat green apples or
prefer candy to missionary bank.
All this strictly before they arrive
while they are but shadows in the realm
of shades. But by and by the perfect
everybody, including her bridegroom.
Most likely he is one of those small,
mild-lOoking bachelors that everybody
declares were born to be henpecked.
Six months at the most show the per-
feet woman still more perfect GriSelda.
All her thought, her speech is Henry
his habits, manners, projections. eS
pecially the last. Never before was
there such a man, such genius-above
all, such husband.
Henry's reign Is brief. The first baby
reduces him to the rank of joint wor-
shipper at the new shrine.
household. If the new king falls
asleep you must move on tiptoe with
bated breath. Generally he does sleep
the day through.
By the time he is SIX months old his
hours of promenade are from II to 8 a.
m. Through half those six months he
cries necessarily with collie, yet the
perfect woman never once thinks of
laying him flat on his back to 'cry it
out'' alone, as she had so often suggest
ed for her sisters babies.
And when his first tooth costs a spasm
his perfect mother grows fussy ana hys-
terical as the most imperfect of her Sis
tiers, sends for her mother, the Doctor
even for Henry-and refuses to be COM
forted long after the danger is past.
AS her family grows in years and
number. so does she decline and fall
from high theory into mother love.
Sometimes she makes an effort really to
practice what she has preached. Hap
PLY for humanity she seldom perseveres
in it. For she is rarely so sodden with
her own wisdom as to be utterly a fool.
hence she cannot help but see that hui
man nature, even in the milk, cannot be
weighed, measured, mapped and bound
ed, definitely proportioned, like chem
ical formula.
certainly MY ciliuIcH w Hot tuIH
out the painful paragonS of their moth
er's maiden dream. Contrarywise, they
are more like to be torments and terrors
small, selfish ruffians, before whom
the household quakes, who find saving
grace solely by attrltion with their kind.
Saucy imps and forward, they are yet
a long advance over those dream chill
dren-those intolerably perfect small
pattern prigS, In whose likeness the per-
feet woman sought to fashion other
peoples children.
At least they are human, though their
mother rather doubts it. TO her they
are pen-feathered angels, whole and
several, who chase the dog and worry
the cat, play truant, tyrant-what you
will-solely from gracious inclination
not to be too unlike their fellows. for
whose faults her vision is not the less
keen than of old.