Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1892-01-28

All Aple DOctOr-IHe IerrlDle Boz
She Felt Relieved = To BE-
Sneezed At-Always Extended
| Etc., Etc.
AN ABLE DOCTOR.
Mr.. Neer-What ought we to do, doc.
tor, us community, in order to-er-tc
meet the "grip?"
DIR. Blunt-Don't meet it, my deai
sir. Avoid it.
THE TERRIBLE BOY.
Customer-Mr Spicer, your black tea
is just full of dead flies.
Grocer-My my! and told that boy
to put 'em in the spice box Rochester
Post Express.
SHE FELT RELIEVED.
Policeman's Boy Observation-Disclosures
there's been big row down town and
several officers are hurt.
Policeman's Wife (excitedly)-Where
was it?
p. Bon fathers beat.
7. w. with sigh of relief f)-Oh, I'm
so glad! Of course, your father wasn't
there when it happened?
P. B.-No'm.-[New York Press.
TO BE sNEEzED AT.
Where are you going, my pretty
maid?"
81 am going to sneeze, kind SIR" she
said.
"Whom are you sneezing at, my pretty
maid?"
" I'm going to sneeze-a' chew!--" she
said
ALWAYS EXTENDED.
"Pm afraid" sighed the mother
% that our Charles is getting to be nothing
but a fashion plate"
growled. He strikes me more like q
contribution plate. New York Herald.
Scribbler-We don't seem to have q
good national song in this country.
Rimer-No; good national song is
one of the hardest things to write. None
but true poet can write good national
song. 1t requires union of grandeur
and simplicity which only the heaven
inspired bard can achieve. I'm thinking
of writing one myself one of these days
A CASE FOR ARBITRATION.
"What makes you look so down in the
mouth these days, Glumm?"
"Well, to tell the truth, / make nc
progress with Miss Icely at all"
''She doesn't warm any toward you? "
"No; she's as cold as an iceberg. ;"
81 see. You've got sort of chilly un
affair on your hands"
New York Press.
AN IMPROBABLE EXPLANATION.
Mr.. Oldboy-Don't you go around and
ell everybody that l look as old as
Methuselah?"
Charlie Knickerboker Yes, but mean
;hat you look like Methuselah when he
vas u young buck.
-[Texas Siftings.
MISTAKEN ESTIMATE.
Clarissa--He kissed you, did he?
Ethel-Yes.
C.-Then you were mistaken in your
estimate of him, after all.
E.-How SO?
C.-Why, you said the other ght that
le was a man of excellent taste.
t New York Press.
oNERoUs.
"My correspondence is weally getting
50 great" said Reggie, ''that | shall have
20 get a pwivate secwetawy. Iweally haC
to write two postal cards last week"
PRESS THE SUIT.
Chappie-Do you wish me to under
stand that it is useless to press thi.
suit?
Jennie-Oh, no. With little worl
on the knees it might do for severa
proposals yet.
HOW TO SEE BEAR.
Sportsman-Are there many bears il
these woods?
Maine Man-Thousands
Sportsman-Well I've been hunting
for bear six weeks now, and haven't seeI
one yet.
"Would ye like to see some-a hun
dred or so?"
Indeed would"
Stop huntin' an go fshin'. - New
York Weekly.
DIsREsPEcT THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
at is strange how disrespectfully {
woman will speak OF her husband. Mrs
Loverly called her husband poor foo
the other day"
"oh, impossible! She just adore:
him. :"
" 1t is fact. She was speaking o
their courtship and she said: John wa
just breaking his heart thinking h,
would never get me, and was in low,
with the poor fool all the time"
UPS AND DOWNS OF LIFE.
Mrs. Firsthoor de Fashion Flats
oh, Mrs. Secondhoor, is it true your sol
has married above him?
Mrs. Secondhoor (weeping)-Boo
hoo! We're all disgraced He's mar
ried-boo, hoo!--a fth-hoorer.-[Nev
York Weekly. t..,.u,
ANTHRACITE.
When outside the door the keen wine
doth blow,
And the mercury way downward runs
How pleasant to sit for the Goals rudd,
glow
| AT ten dollars a counla &C .o,,t rD,