The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-03-09
WIT AND HUMOR.


hke.-RGna'S Horn.
Almost any man can be made to
talk if a corkscrew is used to draw him
out.-Bufato EGpress.
The book that makes the greatest
stir in society is the well-filled pocket
book.-Teras Sittisgs.
"You say your present boss treats
you better than Mr.. Smith did?" "Yis,
sorr, and oftener."-Epoch.
A good many men are more inter-
ested in having work than poverty
abolished.-Terds SJtings.
It's bad enough to bite off more than
you can chew, but it's worse to try to
chew it.-Detroit Free Press.
Five things are essential to success
in life. One is q good wife; the four
others are money. Richmond Recorder.
"That young De We're is very
promising follow" "Ah! How much
did you lend m?"-Baltinaore Anaeri-
can.
1t doesn't always prove an official is
burning with public zeal when he fires
lot of subordinates. = Philadelphia
Times.
Teacher : "Now, children, what
well-known product is raised in Ire
landP" Bright Boy-"American citi-
zens. Life.
1t is hard to draw the line between
good and evil; but how does the other
political party manage to get all the
bad men?-Puck.
aDo you know, don't think much
of MawsonP" "You don't have to.
You can size Mawson up in two Sec
onds. Brooklyn Life.
There is never any difficulty in find
ing people to play the first fiddle, but
o how hard it is to get the rest of the
orchestra.-Rana'S Horn.
Yabsley = "Does your wife ever
choose your clothes for your" Wick
wire-"No; she merely picks the pock-
Indianapolis Journal.
Ethel-"G George said last night that
there wasn't girl in town with a
complexion like mine" Maud-"The
mean thing. Brooklyn Life.
The banana has great variety of
uses. 1t is said that flour is now made
from it. 1t is no secret that the skin
makes low slippers.-Loa0eU Courier.
Women would do better work against
the devil if they got down on their
knees less for the men and stood up
more for the women.-Atch6soaa Globe.
Old MISREPRESENTATION is the
first law of nature" Young Croak-"I
suppose that is why you keep yourself
in alcohol all the time. st. Joseph
Nea0s.
Eo1o1- aIIox,o x-o,, Moo ,,airb Jho,.O 90
Patterson-"E Elegant. Why, they spend
the fall and winter in Florida and the
spring and summer in Newport. >
Epoch.
Primus- -"Young DIR. Neale tells me
that in his speciality he has never
made mistake in diagnosis" Secund-
us-"What's his specialty-autopsies?"
Judge.
81 am welded to art" said Farley.
"Wel, "said Criticus, gazing at Farley
picture, "rd get a divorce if l were
you. She has deserted you" Brook
Ign Life.
Every man in the world is telling
what he would do if he were a woman,
and every woman tells of things she
would not do if she were man.-Atch-
GSon Globe,
Sunday school Teacher (sadly)-
@Tm afraid, Johnny, that l will never
meet you in heaven" Johnny-Why?
What have you been doing now?"-
HaTper's BGzar.
"Why do you Boston girls keep a
fellow at such distance?" sighed Fay
er. "It's the way of the Hub" Miss
Mclean responded, and then blushed
at her pun.-N. Y. Herald.
No, my son, it is not always polite
to tell a man what you think of him.
1t is safer to tell it to somebody else,
and is just as effective in most in
stances.-Boston Transcript
81 wishI hadn't eaten that apple, g
bad one?" "WeI, I believe it was
spelling for fight" and his face took
on look of pain.-St. Joseph Nesos.
Give got an idea for play" said
Spivvins. swell, I'll tell you what to
do with it if you want your play to
succeed" replied Spavvins. "What?"
Leave the idea OUT Washington
Star.
Women are more faithful to a mem
ory than men. All of them cling as
tenaciously and as long to their youth
as they can, and yet with many OF
them it is mere memory.-PhiIadeJ-
pltiG Times.
A Hindoo baby is named when it is
II days old, and usually by the moth
er. The names the father calls il
then, especially nights, wouldn't usual
ly look well on a visiting card.-Sona-
eTUilte Journal.
Beggar- Please, sir, will ye lend
me dime ter git somethin' ter eat?"
Gentleman-"You've got quarter in
your hand now. What's that for?"
Beggar- -"That's ter tip the waiter
N. Y Weekly.
"Your kisses do not seem to have the
same spirit about them they had once, u
complained Mrs. Fits. "Of course
not" said Mr.. Fits. "You could not
expect them to since have sworn off. .
Indianapolis Journal.
Guest-"And you are the proprietor
of this popular hotel, are you? Why,
l was here last summer, and 1 don't
think you owned it then, did you?'
Mr.. Heavytipp-"O, no; l was one ot
the walters, though. Comic.
O6dCOA COuGS- Dub Sul6ly you UO'
lieve in the existence of persona
devil?" Mrs. Nifty-"I believe there's
a devil, but don't see any need of be.
ing personal in ones remarks in re-
gard to him. ."-BoSt0n transcript.
"Of course" said the critic, 81 have
taken the worse side in criticising YOU
poems. But they have, nevertheless
their good side, too" And that is
-" "The side of the paper that's
not written on. ."-Fziegesade Blatter.
"Of-of course, Mr.. Smith, fee
fattered by your offer; but-you car
hardly expect decided answer, as
have known you for so short time.
"Well, what am to do? All the girls
who've known me longer have refused
me. ."-Bxfazo EGpress.
Ida-"Did you see my father?" Walt
er--"Yes, told him had come to ask
of him the greatest blessing young
man could ask-his daughters hand
"And what did he sayP" "He seemed
much pleased-said he was afraid al
i,