The record-union., 1892-03-21

! cago.
] was guest of the Clover Club in
| Philadelphia. The Glover Club Is very
quaint, but exceedingly aristocratic
| crowd III every way, but they make fun
OF you, sit.down upon you, and they call
upon yGtlfor a speech and then stop you
from nlahing it. The proprietor Of the
Herdld had come all the way from New
York. said to him, rs it not long
way to come Just to dine?" He replied,
"Ob, no; that old gentleman over there
came from Denver" said, Excuse me;
| have been only three months in this
country
There are many things remarkable
about American enterprise, but your
American newspaper reporter is the most
| astonishing. After an engagement in the
North Went TO Ann Arbor for change
and rest, having no engagement for the
! time. There was no parlor car and l
went on what is called an accommodation
train, and | was accommodated. [ like
the leveling, equaliZing system practiced
! by the accommodation train-where all
are on an equality and all are treated
alike. [ believe in it; L am democrat
! myself. But l like a parlor car. / was
hungry, and all | could get to eat was pie
pie and doughnuts.
But there are moments in life when the
innerman cries for even railroad pie. |
saw at the station the sign, Lunch"
There was no notice to beware" so l
Went IN and saw people eating pie-pies
with crust on top and on the bottom
sealed mysteries. The man at the coun-
ter asked: "Phwat dye loike?" and L
replied by asking, 'What have you got?"
He said he had "peach poy, apple poy,
plum pay and mince poy." l said, 81
am hungry-give me the three pies here"
said he, AN phwat's the matter wild the
mince pay?' II eat mince pie in my
own house-I can trust my friends, my
own friends-but outside in the world L
pass"
[ ate my three pies and continued my
journey. After awhile those pies / had
eaten began TO get acquainted together. /
reached my hotel and about 1920 o'clock
l retired. IN about half an hour there
was gentle knock at the door. / said
Who is there? l am very sorry that /
cannot see you, bnt | am asleep" But it
was the reporter, and he said he must
have something, and that he would not
keep me long. l said, 81 guess you
Won't-you go away ~
There was a silence for awhile, and he
came back and in a changed voice de-
manded entrance, and l saw the sleeping
lion had begun to wag its tail. | would
have no peace, SO l let him in and 're-
tired'' again to any bed. The room was
dark as Egypt, but / heard the man
searching pocket. 1t was his own, and
he produced matches and lit up my
chandelier. After minute survey Of
my premises he sat down and crossed his
legs. He was master of the place. I
watched all his movements, and | thought
strongly Gn French). l said, "What will
you have?" He said, very politely,
Thanks; l am not whisky
and soda.n
What could do? touched the button
for his refreshment. After lighting a
cigar he remarked, ANY objections to
-.
reporter then pulled out his notebook
and pencil, saying: 81 understand you
were an officer in the Franco Prussian
War, and we would like to have about
three-quarters of a column of war
stories.n My patience was at end. 1
said, Sir, you are a citizen Of this great
American republic. / am not but be-
ware Of bloodshed, and go! GO at once ~
"Ah," said he, Il see; am going"
He went, but, ladies and gentlemen,
should blush to relate-I should be over
whelmed to mention all the deeds l was
made to perform in the war through the
columns of the paper next morning.
The population of this great country is
composed of widely differing elements.
Your people are all Americans, but all
different. The people of New England,
New Orleans, or the Western States are
not alike. Jonathan, the typical Ameri-
can, is to come. Your country is going
photography, and the last and final re-
suit has not been produced. What your
typical American will be when he comes
l do not know.
There is nothing more striking than
the temper of various audiences.
lectured in the State Of Maine. If any of
you have ever lectured in Maine you
know Maine audiences; if you have not,
Well-don't. arrived from Vermont on
very late train. | had tried not to dis
appoint my audience, nor myself, but I
was an hour late. l telegraphed my
manager 10 keep the audience, if posi-
ble, and hired carriage to take me to
the city hall. l found the place lighted
up, but there was not soul to- be seen
there, not sound to be heard. 1 sup
posed they had tired of waiting and gone,
and | was about to explain. when my
manager asked: Are you ready?" ''For
what ?" asked. ITO deliver your lecture;
l,500 people are waiting you ~ "Where?'
| asked. There" he said, and peeped
through the screen and saw it was So
they were there, ,jC0 people waiting for
me-but asleepi / addressed them. and
few looked up, but L saw 1,50O people
behaving themselves quietly, and felt
reaction. l cracked a good joke-a strange
thing in Maine-but it fell flat. I tried
another, taking good aim, and let it go
it missed fire. Espoke for an hour and a
half-without an accident. A few smiles
started, but they were stopped in time.
The audience knew the lecture was
over-when they saw me going away.
Only about twenty people had the cour-
age of their opinions and applauded. My
face was very long as | said to my man
ager": "This is CHASTITY failure 7" "FaiI-
ure ~ he exclaimed. Il never saw them
so enthusiastic in my life These peo-
pie enjoyed it, but they never laugh
You can't see it, but if you had held out
box
stood itV
Give me an the sympathy and indul-
gence you can while give you a French
mans impressions of this country. The
more see Of American women, the more
i see them as typical of America l OBJ
serve in them total absence of affecta-
ton. There are none to compare with
them in the drawing-room; they place
men at ease in conversation with them.
and are intellectual to a superior degree.
They have good minds and are splendid
in appearance. The best society in Paris
is led by American girls. They are
AInericaniZing Paris
The lecturer here paid a splendid trib-
ute to the chivalric bearing of all classes
of men III America toward women. and
inStaneed the Difference with which the
women are treated on the streets, in pub
lie places and everywhere, saying: ''In
America Mrs. Jonathan reigns queen.
Our most vulgar Jonathan in this respect
toward women might give lessons to men
of the old world, his own compatriots ln-
cluded, many of them depending upon
the reputation of ancestors to sustain
their claims as gentlemen
In the speakers eyes, ,IEand i'll those
OF his wife and daughter, America could
have no prouder boast than the respect
and Difference paid TO women.
But woman never betrays the slightest
trace of gratitude to man-she expects il