Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1892-12-02
DAN AIITERS.
ohm keates.


to indulge too heartily in drink-but that
Dan AIiters, being the acknowledged
drunkard there. was especially and
! particularly intoxicated. He was man
| of acknowledged sense. He had, gossip
said. as a prelude to some dlsparaging
statement concerning his weakness, car
ried off the honors at a well-known
school. On thing was certain. He ex-
pressed himself in better language than
even the county judge could hope to en-
! ploy, and this at Cane Hill, was regard
ed as convincing assertion of higher
, education.
Dan had first come to the village as
the agent of a nursery; not that sort
of nursery which would diSprove the
declaration that marriage, among the
poor at least, is a failure to perpetuate
human misery, but as the agent Of a
company which had fruit trees for sale.
He did not thoroughly succeed in running
the gauntlet of village curiosity, for
villagers are critical of appearances,
and q lazy lounger who sits all day at
the store, while his wife takes in wash
ing-the utterly worthless fellow who
would rather wallow in the mire with a
black falsehood than to recline on a
velvet couch with bright truth; who
wears a filthy shirt and one 'bedtick'
suspender; who chews charity tobacco
; and spits at a knot-hole which he thinks
by the right of his own yellow slime
he has pre-empted-that fellow will
criticise the clothes and facial express
ion of a stranger.
Dan was criticised, not only by the
worthless loafer, but by the merchant,
and even by the faded woman who had
slipped in to exchange q few eggs for
a small piece of calico. They declared
that Dams hair was too red, and that
there were too many freckles on his
face; and it was agreed that he did not
dress as gentleman should. The
worthless loafer squirted at his pre-
empted knot-hole and remarked:
Now you're gittin' right down to the
squar facts
That was Il long time ago. Dan was
absorbed into the cOmmunity'S social
system, and became celebrated as the
village drunkard. Previous to his achi-
eyement of this distinction, the fame
had belonged to the one Peter L. Rush.
and it appeared that he could never be
robbed Of the reputation which he had
laboriOuSly acquired, but after a few
years of close contest, Peter Rush S
walmeSt admirers were forced to ac-
knowledge that the palm belongd TO
Dan AIiters. What Il handy man was
Miters when a comparison was needed,
What an encouragement to innovation.
A man in speaking of some one who
was stupidity Influenced by liquor was no
longer under the necessity of saying
that he was as drunk as the disreputable
canine associate of the fiddler, but sim
ply fulfilled all demands by affirming
that he was as drunk as Dan Miters.
Seriously-and unfortunately we are
all compelled to be serious at times
| the man of 25 whose education had not
been neglected was, at As, a hopeless
vagabond, with every hope trampled
into the mud away down the road be
hind him. He did odd jobs. cleaned out
cellars, and cut fire-wood for scolding
| women.
One day, when he appeared to be
soberer than usual. the mayor Of the
village thus addressed him:
Dan, / would like to know some
| thing about your life"
And l. sir, would like to know some
thing about my death"
You are funny fellow, Dan"
mo doubt of it, sir. A corpse has
been known to grin"
Come. don't talk that way. You
have been here now about twenty years
and none of us know where you were
borne
And do really want to know where ]
was borne?
Yes, I'd like to know
''Well. sir. I was borne in the night
There you go again. Say, do you
know that if you would brace up there
is yet time for you to accomplish some
thing?"
Yes? But you have tried. and what
have you Accomplishment
why, l own a good house and lot
1 am married and have family of in-
teresing children
rs that all?'
But. isn't that enough?'
Hardly, for you have not taught your
children not to feel, and until you do
this your marriage stands as a wrong.
About year ago one of your boys lost
an arm at a saw-mill Weren't you the
primary cause of his suffering, and is
not q urinary cause the meaneSt of all
| cauSeS?
II won't talk to you" said the mayor
declared. There is no reason in your
argument and no humanity in your con
illusions. But come" he added in soft
| voice, why don't you make an effort
to keep sober?"
| Il don't want to keep sober
And why not?'
Because sobriety is the mother OF
! thought"
And you don't want to Thinks that
! it?''
Yes
! And why don't you want TO think
| Your thoughts might amount to some
| thing. The greatest man. you know,
| is the greatest thinker"
80 is the greatest sufferer
And when you think you suffer, Ell 2
| Eyes. and so do all men. Go into q
/ library and look about you. What dc
you see?"
Books" the mayor answered
"And what are books?"
Gifts from superior minds"