davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
BRIGHT BITS

AAUDE-Who was the friend saw with you
moment sgof
Ellen-He's not friend. I'm engaged to him.
Chicago Aelss.
ARE you going to send Miss Lltehed bou-
quet OF roses Christmas
Great Scott, no. Take me for a millionaire!
I'm going to send her diamond necklace"
JUDGE-Did your wife pick quarrel with
your
victim-So. she don't seem to have much
choice about them; just any kind suits her
Inter Ocean.
REPoRTER-Tlere's a uewsboy on the street
yelling out lot Of sensational stuff that isn't in
the paper.
Great Editor-Gee whitaker Then put it in.
Net1 ork Weekly.
Mrs HIoKs-I wish you would go out with
baby for little while
Hicks-Well, we'll; the neighbors have got a
notion now that L N q sandwchman for a baby
carriage factory LIfe.
TRusTLY-My tailor wants me to pay up.
Bilker-And mine wants me to pay down
Trustly-What' 8 the differsnceY
BiIker-In one instance you can get the goods
out Of the store and in the other you can't-De-
troit Free Press.
PATrENT--Doctor. I can't sleep at night.
tumble and toss until morning.
Doctor-H'm, that's bad. Let me see your
tongue. (After diagnosis.l Physically you are
ali right, Perhaps you worry over that bill
you've owed me for the last two years. Tat
BIS.
',AsD so you have thrown Tom over. Mar
jorie," @
Yes"
but thought you loved him dearly"
Il do, but he has rheumatism in his arms con-
tinually and can't use them at all-BufGlo En-
press.
II UNDERSTAND you are a hereto" said the
bishp to one of his ministers. us the report
trueg''
4 demand trial, said the minister.
But, my dear brother, 1 don't expect to live
more than thirty years more. and would like
to know before die. Buffalo Express.
SMALL SoN-I know what III be when grow
up. I'm Roin' to be great inventor.
Papa-That's encouraging, certainly. What
makes you think you have inventive genius?
Small SoA-Why, l wanted to take a screw
out, and couldn't find any screwdriver, and so
| unsorewed it out with your razor.-Good
Netps,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

BosroS is to have japanese bazaar arranged
and presided over by real young japanese.
Bunkio Matzuki with all the aids dressed in
japanese costumes.
AUSTIN CoRBIS drops into the New York Union
Club and rests in a coy corner there, surrounded
by some Of his friends, about three or four
nights ia the week
AMERIcUs SKINS, proprietor OF an expeditio
TO search for John Veraoef Cthe missing mem
Dor Of Lieut.. Peary's Arctic staffl, is Of the
man who became in a way, famous for his
theory OF "Slmms' Hole
Mas. MARGARET HOWELL DAVIS HAYES, a
daughter OF jefferson Davis, and her little boy
had an ovation st the hands Of confederate
veterans IN Dallas, Tex lately. The boys in
gray ldollze the lad, whom they call Little
FIVE Of Vassar's alumna are taking post
graduate courses at Yale, Two at the University
OF Chicago. one at ANA Arbor and one at Leip-
SIC ABOUT ~ per cent. or the graduates are
sald 70 marry and mslorty of the Others be-
come teachers
Mr. GLADSTONE was asked not long ago by an
astrologer TO state at what hour on Dec. 90 he
was born The G. O. NJ answered politely that
ne oll not Know, but had heard that it was
about breakfast time This information was
slightly indefinite. but the seer inferred that
ths time must be soout $50 o'clock and cast
the prime ministers horoscope accordingly
AAC A---4A 1sLFOI- ErE discovered that the
oriental position OF tie sun" at the hour re
ferred % was very 81 nfcant, showing sue
Cess and sdvancemelt Ia life"
TIE approaching marriage Of young Lord
Sulley 10 the widow Sherman is all the talk
just now in London society. It is possible that
thls union may never take place; certainly
i VIII not II Count Arran, his lordship's
father, can prevent IL The latters principal
oOlectlon Is OF account # the great disparity in
ages, his son being lust the age of the widow
Suernan's daughter. There have been several
slch Allances in England. notably that of the
DoSaSer duchess OF HOntrose, who at the age
OF - was welded for the third time, and to
Marcus Henry Miner. aged to 25; and the we'll
RENE moered one Of LAZY Bnrdett-Coutts, who
81 o. married W. L. Ashmead Rartleet, who
was then IS
Dr.. DEPsE, taking Saturday In his New York
ONCE about the Republican party having lost
thousands Of votes on the pension issue, added
the story OF woman who came to his Office
Tor assistance as an illustration Of persons
getting Pc sions to which they are not entitled
she pleaded that her husband had been a soldier
and had died fifteen years after the war Why
don't you get a pensOnY" asked Dr. Depew
sdroitly. Because he died from wound re-
celVed by the Premature discharge of shot
gun while he was shooting in the woods, " was
prompt response But that will make no
difference whatever commented the railroad
president. The woman went away She re-
turded in about three months TO relate that she
had secured q pension
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
index TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

SPECIAL Nor1CEs-As to Bills Against British
Steamship Byzantine; As to Crews Of British
Steamship Tiverton and Swedish Bark z. V.
Almqvist; Oocosuuts, w. P. Green, Manager
Fine Dressed Turkeys, Mutual Cooperative AS
ISOLATION; Last Notice as to State aud County
Taxes for 1892; Female Dog Lost.
FrSAEcIAI-Report Of the Condition OF the
Merchants National Bank
BoTELs-The Oglethorpe, Brunswick, Ga.
STEAMSHIP SCHEDULE-General Transatlantic
Company.
Our SPECIAL SALE OPENING To-DAY-B. H.
Levy & Bro.
SPORTING GooDs-Palmer Hardware Com
pany.
LYONS FINE SILK UMBRELLAs-Appel &
Schaul.
AMusEMENrs-"Pulse OF New York." at the
Theater Dec. 90
IT Is FREQUENTLY DIFFICULT TAsK-Falk
Clothing Company.
SEE OUR AID. ON PAGE BIB. II. Levy & Bro
CHEAP COLUMN ADVERTISEMENTS Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
sale: Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
Getting At the Truth.

1t is admitted that the republicans are
determined TO hold the Senate if there is any
possible way of doing so, notwithstanding
the people in the November election declared
emphatloally that they wanted the govern
ment administered in accordance with the
policies Of the Democratic party. They be-
lieve that means can be found to make the
legislatures of number Of western states,
that now have either republican or
populist majorities. republican and
thus secure the election of enough
republican senator's TO give the republicans
majority in the Senate The manufact-
urers that are reaping rich harvest under
the provisions of the Mckinley tariff insist
that nothing shall be left undone to prevent
that tariff from being repealed. and the
machinery TO capture legislatures has been
set in motion. Il will be worked vigor-
ously and skillfully. There will be no lack
of money.
1t would give the republicans great salts
faction il they could block the purpose Of
the democrats to reduce the tariff They
think if they can prevent the repeal of the
Mckinley bill during the next two years
the people can be made to believe that the
democrats do not intend to keep their prom.
ises, and will vote for return OF the Re-
publican party to pewer. Their programme,
therefore, is to steal three or four senator
ships in the west and hold the Senate. Will
the democrats permit them to carry their
programme into effects
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
A Preachers Medicine

pitcher Of beer and minister well known
had some dealings with each other not long
ago, and the preacher was fully convinced that
he had strayed from the path of rectitude, says
the Cincinnati Commercial Gazette. He was
also shocked, and even to this day he is afraid
that some OF his congregation will hear of his
dalHance with the "foamy." The minister
hadn't been feeling well, and his physician pre-
scrlDed a very pleasant remedy-beer. The
patient took his medicine with great regularity
until one night when he found every bottle
empty. There was no one around, as it hap
pened, to send for more; so, with some misgiv-
tngs, the preacher put on al old hat, seized q
of the back door into the gloomy night. Ten
minutes later he came stealthily back, took a
big dose of the medicine, and set the pitcher
now about twothirds full, on the hall table,
while he retired to his study, where he bad
begun q powerful sermon on THE Evils of In
temperance" Soon after, the pastors sister
in-law, visiting at the house, saw the beer and
concluded that she didn't feel very well herself.
She drank part Of the amber fluid and sat
down. Feeling much improved, she took an
other dose of the tonic. Not entirely fit yet
she imbibed still more freely, and finally wound
up by emptying the entire contents of the
pitcher down her delicate throat.
the result was very surprising, both to her
and to the pastor, who was soon attracted by
unusual noises in the hall. He found her waltz
ing around with the empty pitcher clasped to
her bosom for a partner She began to sing
and astonished the divine with q thrilling imita.
ton OF Lottie Collins in the Boom te-ra-da. "
Then she began to cry and laugh, all at the same
time, and it required the entire household to
carry the young lady to bed and to keep her
there until she went to sleep. The noise had
excited much curiosity in the neighborhood,
but the minister succeeded in keeping the cause
thereof a secret. He has given up beer as a
medicine, however, for all time.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
almost Sorry the Old Man Died"


Even now, months before q democratic
executive enters the white house, writes the
Washington correspondent of the st. Louis
Republic the politicians with influence are in a
position to appreciate the moral Of a story
which Congressman Allen of Mississippi once
told to Cleveland. The representative had been
to the white house several times in behalf of
been sent away empty-handed. One day, after
a fruitless errand he turned toward the door
and as he did so he began to laugh. Come
back" said the President, land tell me why
you are laughing
mo, said Mr. Allen, 81 don't think you want
20 know"
The President insisted, and then Mr.. Allen
told this story:
"Down in my District" he said, 81 had a
client who died suddenly. l was executor of his
estate. About six months after his death his
son came to me and said that he was awfully
hard up and he would like to get little money
he would have to wait until the year was out,
and then if the Indebtedness was Strengthened
out the estate would be settled up. Six months
later he came to see me. Well y | said, when
he came in, 1 cannot do anything for you Co
day. There is some litigation over the estate
and l have got to 90 into court and defend
the suits. Come around when the cases are
settled
After another long wait he heard the de-
cision had been given and be came again. Very
sorry,' said but the plaintiffs have taken the
cases to the court OF appeals did not hear
any NJ ore of him for two years and then he ap-
peared.' I am sorry, but am hard up he said
to me, and would like to get some of that
money Sorry 1 said, but the court of ap-
peals has not even heard the cases yet, and
don't know when it will Then, added Mr.. Al
len, looking the President straight In the eye,
he turned TO 60 AS he reached the door he
looked back and. weary OF the long delay and
many disappointments, he said to me- Mr..
Allen, sometimes 1 am almost sorry the old
man died ~
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
Blackburn Couldn't Answer.

The story is told by the Washington Post that
a friend of Senator Blackburn of Kentucky said
to him recently:
well, Joe, what do you think of the result OF
the election and the outcome7"
The senator took a pull or two at his heavy
mustaches and answered:
''I will reply by telling you a little story that
occurs TO me in this connection. In riding on
railway trains you have, of course, often OBJ
served the popularity Of dogs in racing after
trains, One day on swiftly moving train
saw big yellow dog doing this act and nearly
breaking his neck to catch the train. watched
his efforts with some curiosity, and man in the
seat in front Of me was doing tie same thing.
When the dog gave up the chase the man in
front turned TO me and said: Excuse me, but
would like to ask you aquestion. want to ask
you what you think that dog would have done
with this train II he had caught itY"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
Mr. cleveland,s Intentions.

The republican newspapers. and the dem
I ocratic newspapers that have been hostile
10 MIR. Cleveland, are now criticising Mr..
Cleveland, day after day for not saying
what his policy will be in respect to i'm
portant public questions. A day or two ago
the New York Sun sid: "Since the mes
sage OF 1887 there has been nothing In Mr..
Cleveland's utterances 70 specify his inten-
tons or enunciate any definite principle by
which they would be directed; nothing TO
indicate what he expects to be done or what
he desires 10 do in the way Of tariff reform,
either in degree or In kind. Beyond the
election all is guesswork."
The New York Recorder says: "Presls
dent-elect Cleveland, five months ago, in re-
ply to the speech of Congressman Wilson, Of
West Virginia, notifying him Of his nomi-
nation at the Chicago convention, said:
Let US tell the people plainly and honestly
what we believe and how we propose to
serve the interests of the entire country
From that day TO this the people have been
waiting patiently for the plain statement
of Mr.. Cleveland's programme, but they
have heard nothing except misty assort-
ment Of platitudes."
What would these critics have Mr.. Cleve-
land say2 They know he Is in favor Of re-
ducing the tariff; that be is against the free
coinage of silver, and that he believes in
civil service reform. Do they expect him
TO restate his position on these important
questions every time he makes a speech, or
do they want him to 60 into details and
point out tire articles upon which the tariff
should be reducedl They know very well
that II he should be more definite in his ut
teranoes he would be made the subject Of
all sorts of attacks. Those whose in
tsrests his policy would affect unfavoraoly
would show their hostility to him and those
1t would affect favorably would praise him.
He would be over whelmed with difficulties
long before being 10 a position to exercise
any power.
MIR. Cleveland lie altogether too shrewd
man 10 take his political enemies into his
confidence two months before he becomes
President. 1t will be plenty Of time to 20
into particulars in respect TO bis policy when
be delivers his inaugural address. Until
that time be viii hold bis
peace, except 70 say, In general
way, what his purposes are, and in doing
50 be viii act wisely. He knows that those
who are cridcising him for not stating his
intentions more definitely are not particu-
larry anxious TO assist him in overcoming
the difficulty be Is certain 70 encounter, and
be is not greatly IN need Of their assistance.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

The child-like simplicity and confidence
of ex-senator Henry W. Blair is decidedly
refreshing. He addressed a meeting of
wor kingmen in Philadelphia the other day
on the subject Of his famous school plan,
and during the address expressed the belief
that revulsion Of sentiment has taken
place in favor of the Blair educational bill,
which may result in its passage by the next
congress. The suggestion that democratic
congress would pass such radical embodi-
ment Of paternalism as the Blair bill would
be ridiculous had anybody else made it.
But inasmuch as the expression is Blair's 1,
is merely amusing.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

The MORNING kKvs Is on lie at the Iollo"lng
plscee where AdvertiBinR Rates and otner IN
orrnation regarding the paper can De ooSAlnso'
NEW YORK CITY
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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

In its last issue the United States m
vestor, 9 journal published for the promo
ton of America enterprise" commenting
on the Bacon bill to prohibit any other cor
poration, trust or agent from holding
and voting upon any stock Of the Georgia
railroads, says: 'If it passes, Georgia may
look in vain for new capital from the east
70 back her railroad and other enterprises I"
The bill, it is a pleasure to say. has been
killed, and Georgia stands ready to welcome
eastern capital
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

Stories going 70 show that Jay Gould was
not such cold-blooded and close-fisted man
as ne was popularity supposed to be are be-
ginning to find their way into print from
numerous quarters. One Of the latest OF
these is told by ex-Gov John p. ST. John,
OF kansas. who has written to a newspaper
I'm the midst OF all that is being published
against Jay Gould, please allow me space to
say that in 1880, when settlers in Western
Kansas we're penniless and threatened with
starvation, l wrote 70 this much abused
man about IT, Hepromptly sent me IS 900.
which was invested In bread and meat for
their relief.n
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

II congress has an idea Of doing anything
for the northwestern -four mills it had bet
ter vote them a subsidy at once than pass
Senator Washburn's anti-options bill. which
proposes to tax out of existence all future
trading except in flour. Should the bill
become a law the mills would be able to
dictate the prices at which they would buy
wheat and sell flour, both of which prices
would be against producers and consumers.
Senator Washburn and other mill men, and
the grain elevator syndicates, are 1.-The peo-
pie" who are clamoring for the bill; not the
farmers and the bread winners.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
The Western Hustler at Home.

From the Louisville Courier Journal (Dem.).
Carter is himself again. The political genius
that paled into a tallow dip before the supe-
rior radiance of Tammany, shines out with
dazzling brilliance on the murky mediocrity of
his native Montana wilds. He couldn't carry
a nation around, but it is no trouble to him to
stick Montana in his vest pocket and walk
won the legisl alive seat, and Carter stands TO
win a legislative majority for United States
senator. His schemes are working smoothly
Now il the pesky democrats will keep hands of
Carter will I'll that aching void in his political
career with q choice seat in the Senate,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
Free Excursions For His Friends.
From the Nstp York Post tIld.).

President Harrison's conduct in appointing
men 20 foreign missions at this late period in
his term is an abuse OF power for which it
would be difficult to find defense. What 1t
amounts to is the giving of pleasant foreign
trips TO friends or political favorites at the ex-
pense of the government New ministers to
Persia, Switzerland Portugal. spain. and other
remote points will have barely time Co get there
before they win have to return. OF course
they will not be OF the slightest service to the
United States none OF whose interests would
suffer IN the least were the missions 70 remain
vacant until President Cleveland could dIl
them.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

The London newspapers are having lots
OF fun out Of story about Mrs. Langtry
that has just been made public. 1t is said
that at a supper she became uncommonly
frisky, aud. among other things, pelted her
gentlemen friends with Jumps Of butter,
which found Judgment on their immaculate
shirt fronts, in their boards or on their
broadcloth coats. The Lilly" is as mad as
halter that the story should have got out
and offers TO give $3.50 to learn who gave it
away.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
Nothing Else Like 1t in the World.

From the Providence Or. IL TeIe0rdnl (Deni.).
Already nearly half the governments ex-
penses are com prised in the one item for pen
sions. Nothing like it was ever before heard of.
Nothing ia the annals of history compares with
it. Nothing like 1t was contemplated even by
the Republican party before the pension sharks
at Washington obtained control of 1t and
nlched the treasury under the deceptive mask
of the cold soldier
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

Egan EAs not yet sailed on bis return TO
Chile. He IL losing valuable time. The
political troubles now agitatiug Valparaiso
might offer opportunities TO quick-witted
En&a ike Egan 70 make a name for himself
II be were only on the ground TO take ad-
vantage of them
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17
Some Startling Figures.

From tbs 81. Louis Post Dispatch iDenl.).
Even rabid republican organs are getting
frightened at the increased pension expendi-
lures. The $40, 600 which Garfield declared
ample for all purposes has grown TO Sl66, 000,-
600. and threatens to mount to $250,0O0,000 It
is certainly unprecedented, If nothing worse,
that our military establishment in time of peace
should cost more than that of Germany on a
war footing.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

Hippolyts's despotio treatment Of his
political opDonsnts almost excuses the plot
against his life rscsntly discovered His
death IA pgobeoly the only thing that eau
avert bloody uprising IN the near future
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

A oolored boy IN New Jersey has sue
ceedsd In fasting for sixty-hvs days. lie
might do well by arranging 20 sell his secret
to the offlce-seeksrs who will soon food
Washington.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

The MoRSIsa News is published every day IN
the wear. and Is served 70 subscribers IN The
city at 81 90 month, 6 90 for six months and
80 90 for one year.
The MORNING NEWS. by mail, one month
n 90; three months, g. 20; six months, $ 90;
one year, $40 90.
rxithout SUNDAY ISSUE three months, e. 90;
az months, - 90; one year, g 90.
The MORNING. NEWS, 1ri-W eeEly, Mondays,
Wednesday, and Fridays, or tuesdays, Thurs
days and Saturdays, three months, 81 70; six
months, g 50: one year, 20 ~. 80.
The stS[DAY NEWS, br rloii, ons year, e. 90.
The WEEKLY NEWS, bT MAD. one yea, " . 2.
Subscriptions payable 10 advance hsrnit Dy
postal order check registered letter. Our
Fency sent BY mail risk OF sendezs
Letters and kilograms should De ahores70
"MoRNrps NEWS Savannah. Ga =,
Transient ADVERTISEMENTS, other thah spSsolo
column, local or reading notices ~
and Cheap or want column 10 cents q ms
Fourteen lines Of agate type-equAl 70 o'l9
Inch space in depths the standard OF Lnea s
HrernenL Contract rates and discounts Had7
mown on application at business OFFICE.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

P. D. Armour institute in Chicago is not
to be local institution. he says, but will
open its doors to pupils from every state
in the union, without regard to sex or
color. Mr.. Armour announces that 1t is
his intention to make the great school the
pride Of his life. His former gifts TO it,
amounting to over 81, 500 900, he regards as
merely the nucleus of the fund he intends
to devote to the establishment. The broad
gauge philanthropy Of this famous rich man
is worthy example for other millionaires.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-12-17

Atlantaians are the smar5est people in the
country 10 be 80 dull. Almost every day
some Atlanta man tells how the govern
Enent ought to be run. And as frequently
reports show how some smooth tongued
chap has demonstrated that the average
Atlsntaian does not know how to run his
own cash drawer.