The Russellville Democrat., 1892-10-27
Al FOOL FARMER '

same peculiar plan; And I ve lived out here in Kansas more
 than five and twenty years, A growin poor and poorer, as it certainly
 appears. l seldom read the papers, work too hard
 for that, And never knew why got lean, while
 other men got fat; 1 didn't [ fool with politics, had too Fauch
 to do; But always voted as shot, and as they
 told me to. The day before election, just imagine my
 distress, When l ketched my wife readin', now
 whatever would you guessf A free trade publication, and to make it
 worse she said She read 1t reg lar every night before she
 went to bed. I bristled up, it kindled all the sentiments
 of strife, To find this free trade stuff should be cor
 ruptin' of my wife, quit her then and there, before her argu-
 ment was through. As every good protectionist makes it a rule
 to do. And do you know that wife of mine just
 faced me up and down, That Farmers slave to make few mo-
 nopolists in town" l always try to get around these warm
 domestic spats, But when praised protection, she laughed
 and answered "rats" That night we had a campfire, and our
 congressman was there: We gave him "John Browns Body" when
 he went to take the chair; l wore my old blue uniform to spite the
 Democrats, But all the time wondered what my Mary
 meant by 'srats." Our congressman was eloquent; he made q
 stirrin' speech; could almost see the battles smoke and
 hear the bullets screech; And when he bade us vote as we had shot
 at Malvern Hill: We rose with one accord and cried with
 one acclaim, We will.' We sang the good old war songs, and we
 ate a mess of beans;
 
 recallin' bloody scenes; And we took the straightout tickets and
 we pinned 'em on our hats, But all the time wondered what my Mary
 meant by rats" When 1 reached home I noticed my Mary
 wore smile, Which seemed to me as indicatin storms
 ahead or bile; To head her off said, 'fYeu'll call me ear
 ly mother, dear, For tomorrow will be the liveliest day free
 trade will have this year" Next mornin' just at sun up, as I awoke
 and rubbed my eyes, A wonderin' what she meant by ssrats
 saw to my surprise, My clothes and hat and boots sll ranged in
 order on the floor, And bearin' each a card I'd swear 1 never
 saw before. My flannel shirt displayed this sign
 "Taxed 95 per cent.' My trousers, s'Taxed 100," so this is what
 "rats" meant; My vest said Taxed l00," and my shoes
 "Taxed 25;' My coat and hat s'2o0' with Protection
 makes us thrive.' 1 went to fill the basin, and I noticed as I came, Taxed 45 per cent" Great Scottl The
 towel said the samel The soap was marked at "20." As
 dropped it on the floor l chanced to see scuttle full of coal
 chalked "24." passed into the kitchen, and it gives me
 pain to state That my wife had on woolen dress stamped, ''Only 5S;" And, shooing out guinea hen, she made little dive, Which showed pair of stockings with
 card marked "35." The baby in his little bed was lying fast asleep 1 always held the little chap as most un- common cheap, But when I saw them cards on blanket, pillow, crib and sheet, l felt lump raise in my throat-I knew that 1 was beat. No matter where I went I struck them pesky little signs; The stoves the plates, the knives and forks, the window sash and blinds, The scissors, needles, thread, all bore u at terrible per cent; By gosh didn' dare to ask what card was on the rent. That was the shortest meal I ever ate in
 all my life, And as I left the table, remarking to my wife That l was goin' to the polls, she helped me with my coat, And said; 'I reckon, John, needn't tell you how to vote" 1 walked down to my votin place; it looked like every yard Was full of farmin' implements which bore little card, And seemed to say from blow to spade, from thresher down to axe, Good -mornin' John; and don't forget the tariff is tax" l voted straight, oh, yes, no doubt of that. I voted straight, Bus not exactly in the way expected of my state, And l showed the boys the little cards pro vided by my wife, That night our congressman took formal leave of public life. was one of them 'fool farmers durin' five and twenty years, But Tve learned a little common sense as doubtless now appears; You can run and tell Mckinley, and say, don't forget to state, That we ve voted out In Kansas, and we'v ve voted darned near straight.
 Fulton (lll.) Democrat.