The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-07-06
EATING SOAP SANDWICHES.
How an Irishman Came to Masticate One
and the Result.

A party of commercial travellers were
discussing their oldest experiences in
the smoking compartment of a west
bound sleeper. After the usual round
of stories of amatory eoaquests, rail-
road accidents, and slick tricks, on
buyers had been dilated upon at length,
the conversation shifted and the party
began speaking of the strange things
they had eaten in various quarters of
the globe. This continued until one
of the party surprised the others by
remarking: "Say, fellows. did you
ever hear of a mans eating a soap
sandwich.
"No, " aCome off the perch, " "That
will hardly wash" and other similar
remarks followed the question, for the
nauseous suggestion was too much
even for a drummer's credulity,
at has been done, though" replied
the other. Il knew a man, porter in
our store, who ate soap sandwich
and seemed to enjoy it-at least for
time. If you chaps will keep quiet
for few minutes I'll tell you about
it."
The others promised to be as still as
mice, and the man began his story
with little description of the peculiar
tiles Of "Irish Nike" a trusted porter
for many years in the employ of
leading dry goods firm, who had boxed
the ears of a score or more generations
of Office boys.
"He seemed to hate boys" continued
the speaker. "He had been with the
firm so long and was so exact himself
that he could not excuse mistake;
and as for skylarking. he considered
that capital offense. He intimidated
generation after generation of young
sters, but he met his match at last in
a harum-scarum youth named Bob.
"This boy came from-no one knew
where. He was almost unbearable to
the clerks and salesman, and at once
took the lead in all the boyish mis-
chief in the store. He ran counter to
Irish Mike from the first. They hated
each other heartily, and Bob led the
other boys in revolt against the ty-
rant.
at is unnecessary to outline the ma
ture of the campaign beyond saying
that it was one of petty annoyances.
They would hide Mikes hat, nail his
street boots to the floor or fill them
with water, and fill his pockets with
taeks and things of the kind,
"The campaign eliminated in the
following m amer: Mike was in the
habit of bringing his lunch with him
and eating it in the store. He was
very fond of cheese sandwiches. One
day Bob found his lunch basket and
inspected its contents. He discovered
the cheese sandwiches, and was quick
to seize the opportunity to get even
with his enemy, who the day before
had busted his jacket well.
"From a bar of yellow soap he cut
nice thin slices. These he substituted
for the cheese, sprinkling liberal
quantity of salt over the surface. Then
he hid behind case of goods to await
developments.
"At noontime Mike took his dinner
basket and quart of beer to his fa-
yorite corner and began to enjoy his
repast. To Bob's surprise he ate the
nasty soap sandwiches without chang
ing hair, slipping his beer between
each bite. He finished his lunch and
lay down contentedly to take short
nap. Now this was more than the boy
could stand. From his place of con-
cealment he began to throw paper
y7ads at the man, until he aroused
him. Then he began to Jeer at the
porter.
"'Mike' began to chase his tormentor.
They ran back and forth through the
aisles, in the basement; the boy scram-
bled over boxes with the agility of a
cat, and eluded his pursuer easily. The
latter was rapidly becoming furious,
when of a sudden he paused in his eff
forts and turned pale. Then he beat
a hasty retreat, sick and disheartened
Small wonder, for the beer and exer-
cIse working upon the soap had nat
urally resulted in converting it into
mass of suds, which the stomach o.
no human being, not even Mixes could
resist.
"Bob was delighted at the result Of
his work. and Dragged not little OF
the achievement 1t reached the ears
of the firm, who promptly dispensed
with his services. Mikes system was
entirely disarranged by his novel re-
past, and when he returned to the
store after few weeks absence he
was much altered man in disposition.
He always got along well with the
boys after his experience with soaI
sandwich"