Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1892-01-07
ABSENT-MINDED.

ABSENT-MlNDED.
"You did not attend Blogster's fu-
neral?'
NO" said the absent minded man. 81
was so busy. I'll 20 to his next one, sure,
busy OF not. - indianapolis Journal.
THE FLOWERS OF THE FAMILY.
The youth was most prudent and careful
In makinga choice of a wife,
So he married "The Flower of the Fam
lily"
And she is the thorn of his life.
IRISH PUNs.
Charles Lamb made some famous
puns, and his mantle seems to have fallen
upon his namesake, Charles Lamb
Kenney.
The popular journalist was dining at
the house of friend, and by chance
swallowed bit of cork with his wine,
which gave him severe coughing fit.
Take care, my friend, said his next
neighbor with a very brilliant attempt at
witticism, chats not the way to Cork. !"
"No," gasped the sufferer, ''it's the
way to kill Kenney. London Truth.
MONEY EASILY EARNED.
"What? Another new DIRE 81" said u
married man to his better half, as the
parcel was opened.
"Don't distress YOURSELF she replied.
81 paid for this out of my own pocket" ,"
'Oh, indeed But where did you get
the money from?"
81 sold your overcoat, was the cool
reply.
MRS. scRIMPs GARDENING.
Old Friend-Did you have much of a
garden this year?
Mr.. Scrimp (of Scrimpville)-No; it
didn't amount to much. In the spring
gave a grand garden digging tournament,
the young men who dug the most to have
the pick of the girls for the evening, and
it worked well, but it cost me most two
dollars for Refreshments. Then | had a
planting bee, and that wasn't so expen-
sive, only the planting wasn't half done.
Later on | tried TO get up u wedding
festival, but somehow the young folks
sort O lost interest and gave up, gar
dening in disgust. II New York Weekly.
SUITABLE FOR THE OCCASION.
Chicago won't be satisfied with trac
ton cars during the celebration of 81"
remarked the Snake Editor.
won't ell? Hadn't heard of that re-
piled the Horse Editor.
"No; she will adopt the Colum bus"
-[Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
TIE REASON.
"Why is the road to destruction broad,
papa?"
at has to be, my son, to accommodate
the travel"
THE BLIGHTED YOUTH.
| paced the floor in anguish wild,
Or sat in deep detection;
felt extremely sad and riled,
| had had my first rejection.
| went to bed and groaned all night,
10 die my aim was steady!
But | fell asleep at broad daylight,
And slept till lunch was ready.
KNEW THE MEN.
Salesgirl-I wish TO resign my place.
Pm going to be married to Mr.. Clipper,
of the ribbon counter
Manager-My dear child, that is no
reason for stopping work. Keep your
place.
Salesgirl "a close observer)-It won't
do. I'm afraid if don't knock off and
do nothing, he will Good News.
WARM ENOUGH.
New Boarder (shivering)-The house
seems very cold, madam.
Mrs. Slimdiet-Does it? Why, I'm as
hot as fire.
"Hum! Pardon me, but why does the
end of your nose look so blue?"
"Oh! that comes from my aristocratic
ancestry. - Good News.
A SMART HUSBAND.
Mr.. De Fashion-The paper says
sealers are disappointed at the low prices
obtained for skins in London this sea-
son.
Mrs. De Fashion-That's splendid
You know | need u new
Mr.. De Fashion-The paper says the
furs are very cheap, dirt cheap.
Mrs. De Fashion, never did care
much for seal-fur. It's too warm.
AFTER THE BALL.
She-Has papa asked you about your
income?
He-Yes.
She--And you told him that little fib
about the large salary?
He-Yes.
She-lm so glad
He-Well, I'm sorry. He borrowed
$50 from me on the spot.