The record-union., 1892-10-17

clerk said, ''You, and each of you, do
solemnly swear that you will answer all
questions truthfully in regard to your
competency to sit where your are told to,
so help you God"
The Judge looked like Christian, and
good many of the twelve were church
members, but they all raised their right
hands and swore as readily as so many
pirates.
1 was asgood deal shocked, for I re-
membered reading when boy in book
called the Bible, the teachings of one
Christ, whose doctrines were the perfec-
tlon OF human wisdom, and one of his
lnJunctions was: Swear notat all neither
by Heaven. for it is Gods throne, nor by
the earth, for it is His footstool; neither
shalt thou swear by thy head, for thou
T9nst not make one hair either white or
plack; let your communications be yea,
yea, nay, nay, for whatsoever is more
than these cometh of evil"
Ola Man Common Sense didn't seem to
have any religious scruples, but he re-
marked: What kind of performance
do you call that for a civilized people !?
To my way of thinking, a mandate of
law would be more appropriate. You
are here to serve as jurors in the case of
the People VS.. Doe. The law requires
you to diyest yourselves of prejudice as
much as possible, and to carefully con-
slider the evidence produced here, and to
give verdict in accordance Herewith.
If you fail to perform this duty honestly
the law provides a penalty. So also to
witnesses: instead of oaths and promises
being extorted, a legal mandate should
be administered. The law requires you
to tell the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth; if you willfully
fail or preyaricate the law provides a
penalty"
Reasoning: A truthful man will tell
the truth at all times. An untruthful
man may make an untruthful promise.
An unprlnclpled man may not keep an
oath, and human power can only enforce
human penalty. AS for the supersti-
tious fear of punishment in a future eX-
lstence, it is said to be just the same for
lying as for false swearing; hence the
lmpossibility of any benefit -deing de-
rived from oaths.
1 noticed that the seats for the jurors
were very wide, and in the center was
printed Law, and on one side Prosecu-
ton, and on the other side Defense; and
when they tried TO sit down, one lawyer
would jerk them toward defense and
the other lawyer would jerk them to-
ward prosecution, while the Judge tried
to tie them down on law. Occasionally
lawyer would jerk so hard that he
would break the string marked Law
Precedent, and the Judge would send the
man out to have another string tied
around him. The lottery-box would
furnish other men to take the places of
such, until the Judge succeeded in tying
twelve men down on law.
The Judge then said to the Clerk:
''Swear the jurors" and then those twelve
men-church members, and all-again
raised their right hands, and complacently
paraded their legal profanity.
Then the fun began. The lawyers on
both sides called up men to help them
pull, until it seemed that the poor inno-
cent jurors might be split in two. When
everybody appeared to be completely
tuck cred out man was sent around to
see where the jurors were sitting; and if
they sat on defense the verdict was said
to be acquittal, but if they sat on prosecu-
ton the verdict was said to be conviction.
If they sat part on one side and part on
the other, it was called q disagreement,
and twelve more men were lotteried into
the seats and the same performance was
gone over.
My sympataies were a good deal
aroused, and l thought surely some
way might be devised to relieve those
men and the community from such un-
pleasant, if voluntary, bondage; and the
idea came into my head that wooden men
might be manufactured which could per-
form such duties just as well as human
beings.
asked Old Man Common Sense what
he thought of the idea, and he laughed
until he nearly split his sides, and asked.
but how would you administer the nee
essary oaths?" 1 said, l would have their
heads hung on pivots and their limbs on
hinges; and the clerk could pull a string
and make them raise their right hands,
and, after he had said the usual form, he
could pull another string, and make
| them nod their heads -
WELL" he said, II must admit that it
would save to the country great expense
and the community from great incon-
venience and much individual loss;
and" he added, II do not see why justice
would not be quite as well administered
as it is now."
concluded that I would form a Joint
stock company and go into the business
of manufacturing wooden jurymen, and
an old quotation came to my mind,
There's millions in it." 4 didn't
mean the money which might be made,
but that there were millions of human
| beings who would be benefited by it,
L always had great reverence for Old
Man Common Sense and his opinions,
and was so elated by his approval that
yelled "Eurekaw and woke up.
OLD CRANK.