Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-11
TIE METHODS OF CEORCE.
How the Country SinpIeton Amazed the
Village and 'sSpnnged'' Drinks.


Every country place has its queer
character, usually several of them, and
the amusement of the natives is large
~ confined to the eccentric savings
and actions of these same natural jest
ers. The humOr is all the more droii
because it is absolutely free from ANY
attempt at drOllery.
Luckily ii is for rural inhabitants
that nature provides this form Of enter
tainment. as otherwise thew would run
a very good chance of stagnating in
the serious pool of life and never get
ting the benefit of "A smile to soften
their faces
And so George Stowe in his humble
way was quite a beneticent CLEAN Of
light in the sombre life of a little Yer
mont hamlet. George was OF uncer-
tain age and Of uncertain mental ca
pacity. He seemed simple. but in
reality he was endowed with a full
share of shrewd Yankee cunning. He
eked out u precarious livelihood by
driving hack to the railway station
and trading on his deafness.
Nobody really knew whether George
was deaf or not. When man dun
ned him he was as deaf as post, and
at other times when he tried he could
hear a whispered conversation carried
on in the back of his coach. 1t was al
ways unwise to put any confidence in
Georges infrmity.
George also drank stale and bewild-
ering draughts of beer such as is al
WAYS served in Vermont whenever ne
could inveigle any one to buying it for
him. The wicked railroad restaurant
was about the only place in town
where it could be had and there
George waited and planned traps for
the unwary.
"What'll you have, George?" asked
a stranger whom he had just brought
down from the village. "a glass of
beer or piece of pie?"
Yes sir. thank YOU" replied
George, affecting to misunderstood the
question, "rll drink the beer and take
the pie right in my hand"
Another favorite coup of Georges
was whenever any one said Good day"
to him to promptly reply:-
Yes. thank you; don't care if do"
and steer straight away for the bar.
And George worked this bit of di-
plomacy so often and so successfully
that lie was in danger of becoming a
scandal in the Puritanical community
thro1gI his tendency toward IA con-
dition fine briation. One day while rid
ing down to the station with a deacon
of the church George was seized with
a tit of repentance.
Deacon" sail he, Il would like to
brace up aud do better-stop drinking
and show all the folks that | am IL good
deal more of man than they thought.
| can do it if try. | know, only, YOU
see. [ have said | was going to stop
so many times and didn't do it that
they won't none of them believe me
now"
Il am very glad to hear it; but how
can YOU convince them?'
I've got an idea. Now when we
gel down Ia tine station YOU ask me to
have a drink, and then I'll have a
cnance to refuse right before them ali
aud show them that | mean business
this time.
'All right, George; we'll do it, and
| hope you'll stick to your good inten-
tons"
They reached the depot and went in
to The eating room. A large crowd |
MAS there waiting for the train. The |
deacon in his brisk and hearty way |
spoke up so that ali could hear.
Come. George, have a drink?" he |
sail.
Yes. thank you. don't care if do"
replied George, and he promptly walk
ed up to the bar.
He had skc drink and the deacon