Los Angeles herald., 1892-08-11
THE ART OF APOLOGY.
IA RealIstio Drama in one Dram.

Chief Apologister-Well, here we
are, fit for good days work. Seen this
mornings HERALD, suppose? of course.
Well, boys. we can get to work now in
our best style. Well WE'LL WE'LL here's
an editorial on the Union League, which
accuses it of being an Office holders as
sociation. Now, fatter myself / can
refute that statement. OF course, there
are few ofice-holders in the league. 1
am one myself, but l could not avoid it.
The president insisted on making me
collector you know. l shall treat that
matter something like this: The rabid
partizan spirit shown by. the HERALD in
it's attacks on the purest, loftiest, most
sacred features of the Republican party,
calls for serious earnest denunciation.
In recent issue, that paper actually at
tacks the disinterestedness OF the Union
League and its unselish devotion to the
duties of our local government. There
are only four-fifths of the members who
| draw salary from the city or county,
| and their entire revenue from the tax
payers amounts TO only couple of hum
dred thousand dollars a year. Then
will apologize collectively and individ-
ually to the members of the league, for
| the HERALD's uncalled-for statement,
and assure them that they have the en-
tire confidence of the party; as the
leagne is the party, that will be true,
which will lend fresh flavor to my
work. 1t is so seldom that we dare to
daily with fact that our readers will
enjoy this.
| Assistant Apologitser--The in another
| e Al II II H. n.
argue because Mayor Hazard said that
the Chinese gambler used to pay $50, 900
a year for immunity from police inter-
ference, that it is likely that they do so
now. Why, the fellow seems to forget
that the police force and its directors
are virtually Republicans. Twill write
nice little apology, something about
this style: The HERALD's false, absurd
and scandalous story to the effect that
Chinaman can be found SO degraded
and lost to .decency, and 80 devoid of
sense of the fitness of things as to
imagine that $4,000 bribe would
tempt any official who is imbued with
the principles which pelmeate our local
government. is beneath notice. We
apologize to the Chinese of this city, to
the patrons of the fan tan games (Which
body, in fact, for the entirely unfounded
assertions of our Democratic contempo-
rary. No one would offer $50, 900 to any
official. 1t would not be necessary; it
would be too much.
ogize again.
Chief Apologister-Now, here's that
matter of the grand register printing |
,n,,eL ano1oui1a fn Nlarly Marl for ho
gave me the printing of the book, and to
the public for charging so much for the
work. But I really now don't know
exactly what to say about the great reg
lister business. If the people should
register, ha ha, tonnes laugh uproar-
ouslyl kick, it might be awkward.
But l shall work out some sort of a
Satisfactory apology by this afternoon. /
lvariety's sake; but the Express apol-
escence of Robin Hood, you know.
Naturally. there is no connection be-
tween freebooter and the Republican
party in this, county. That Is just a
merry jest. [Omnes laugh again.
Assistant apologister-Of course had
better apologize for the horrid attacks
on Brother John Wanamaker and that
postoffice furniture DEAL That worldly
minded HERALD man, in his undevout
reasoning seems to forget that all the
postofice officials here are Union league
members. and Mr.. Wanamaker is the
same thing-he is superintendent of
Sunday school. g
An apologisterette-If you please, sir,
1 hear that the HERALD is fixing up
special article on the last grand jury
report and the steal" 4s
Chief apologister-Steal What steal
There is no steal There never was any
steal! You are discharged, SIR. Get
out of here. Steal, indeed Mr..
Assistant Apologister, apologize at
once, sir; write me strong, double
loaded apology, sir. If that horrid
HERALD keeps on digging up these oc-
casions where upright, honorable, lib
eral, open-handed expenders Of the peo-
ple's money are prosecuted by grand
juries and experts, there ia no telling
what may occur. Why, we may have
to apologize for Montafio, and Edelman,
and Lauterio, and Lockwood, and Dam
ron, and the court house, and its fur
niture, and the reform school, and it's
furniture, and that Aaron Smith epi-
sode, and the Lord knows what else.
Can we do it?
Assistant Apologister-Can we do it 1?
Can we do It'll just watch me! / can
do it and then apologize for doing it. If
they don't look out I'll write two
columns of funny paragraphs day.
Well see if they can stand that.
An Apologisterette- you please, sir,
the city editor says he has about ten
columns of good news matter.
Chief Apologister-San Ped-r-r-r-r-ol
What do we want with news? Here
the HERALD is destroying the party's
grip on the county and city treasures,
and you talk to me about printing news
We must apologize for everything, sir,
to save the party, and we have no room
for anything else. Tell the city editor
to clip out Che local in this morning's
HERALD and run it just the same, as
usual.
Assistant Apologister-There, chief, I
have carefully made excuses for every
thing wrong in the Republican rule,
and apologized for everything, and said
there was no foundation for the facts
given by the HERALD. Call in the re-
porterettes and let US have fiesta.
with profuse apologies, the company
sings as follows, to an air unnecessary
to mention j
Facts and figures are no good,
An apology Is the public's food;
The people are all fools you knew,
10 stories against us will not go.
Of noliticaI rottenness we'll mt felI