Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1892-02-25
HIS MOTHER IN-LAW.

you've come, have you?" said my
mother-in-law, in a deep voice, as she
stood on the threshold, grimly survey
ing me with eyes that shone like hard,
greenish-blue gooseberries behind her
spectacles. For such modern trifes as
eyeglasses were as unsuited to my
mOther-in-law' fine Roman nose as a
point-lace collar would be to the Venus
di Milo. I could feel her chances pene-
trate TO the very marrow of my bones;
and yet | contrived to keep a bold
front, as | stood facing her.
1T was rather a curious complied
ton. Ny mother-in-law had not the
least idea who | was. | had cheerful
ly intended to take her by surprise;
but now that the eyentful moment had
arrived, my courage, like that, of Bob
Acres, as jefferson shows him, was
oozing out at the ends Of my fingers.
My name is Richard Dalton. | was
then Just 81, with face that was not
absolutely ugly, sublime audacity
and pockets not particularly well-lined,
and ] had just distinguished myself by
running away with pretty girl from
boarding-school
"But, Dick" she had demonstrated,
We mourning 10 i've on.
"Don't be a goose, darling" had
been my reply. "What do people need
to live onp All the wants of this
world more or less, are Fictitious. A
crust of bread and glass of water
three times day, and now and then
suit Of Clothes-we must be poor, in
deed, if we can't manage to compass
that"
Ncttie had looked admiringly upon
me, and acquiesced in my argument.
We had taken board at the Angel Hill
Hotel, and began our honeymoon roy
ally. At the end of a month, mine host
had become a little importunate on the
subject of his bill, and Nettie's mother
had written a letter to her, signifying
that she wanted nothing whatever to
do with us. We had made our own
bed, she signifed, and now we might
lie on it.
ooh Dick" cried Nettie, clasping
her hands. what are we to dO?"
Hanged if know" was my rather
blank response. "But don't cry, dar-
ling, Ill go and see her myself.
You, Dick"
Il, myself"
".:rlI have nothing to say TO you"
"&hc can't help herself"
"ShCll turn You out of doors"
"Wc'l see about that"
But Dick. YOU don't knCw-you
cant haze amy idea how terrible she
is" sighed Ncttie.
-, George conquered the dragon,
my love, asserted, chrerfully, and
I mean to conquer your mother! So
pack my yAlisc there's a darling, and
III be oil before the landlord comes
back from Boston,"
But, Dick. if he's troublesome, what
can say to him?" appealed poor little
frightened Nettie.
Tell him I've gone out of town, and
shall be back in few days" said l
confidently.
But, valiantly as | spoke, my mental
sensations by no means corresponded
with this bold part. was beginning
dimly to realize what a very unwise
step had taken, and also persuaded
poor Nettie to take. And | was secret
~ making up my mind that if Nettie's
mother refused to receive us, / would
ship myself off to sea as second mate
or third purser, or something of that
sort, send my advance wages to my
poor little wife, and commence the
world over again in this irregular
fashion.
But when | walked resolutely up to
my mother-n-law's door, she greeted
me as # had been expected for the
last week or so.
"Yon've come, have you?" was the
ealutation.
well yes, I admitted, I've come"
"n hat on earth detained you?" said
she.
In my mind cast about what to say,
and settled on the first cOuvient eX-
GUS that came into my head
The train was delayed at Boyle
town, said l.
well, come in. now that you're
here, " said she, land get warm. It's
awful cold weather for this time o
year. isn't it?"
"Kinder," said [, with an asserting
nod
''Let me see," said my mother-in-law,
as she took steaming platter of ham
and eggs out of the oven and lifted a
shining coffee-pot from the stove.
'How old are you?"
"One-and-twenty," said |.
"Do you think" said she, pensively
feeling of her chin, that you are able
to take care of the place? There's a
deal to do you know, on a farm like
this. Do you think you're up to the
work?"
"Of course think so" said I,wonder-
ing what on earth my mother-in-law
meant.
you are married, SUPPOSED" said
she.
ooh, yes" said !, swallowing the hot
coffee and winking my eyes very hard,
I'm married"
Can your wife make herself general
ly useful about the placer" sharply de-
manded the old lady.
Certainly she cam" said l. begin
ming vaguely to see my way through
the mists of perplexity that had here
tofore obscured my brain.
'How old is she?" asked Mrs. Mar
tin.
Eighteen" l answered.
Mrs. Martin frowned.
"What does possess girls to get mar
ried nowadays" said she, before
they've left off dolls and patchwork"
l looked thoughtfully down at the
pattern of my plata pink Chinaman
crossing carmine bridge, with two
very red willows drooping at the far