davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
PITH AND POINT.


pig man groans most when he
ts sick because there is more of him
--Atchison Globe.
There are men who tire themselves
almost to death looking for an easy
place.-Ram's Horn.
If any young man wants to find out
what the wild waves are saying, LET
him go to sea--Picayune.
A man why lives fast can not ex.
pect that enjoyment win keep up with
him.-Binghamton Republican.
Midnight Colloquy in the Parlor. -
Young Jaycox-'Travel improves one
so, Miss Flypp." Miss "Indeedf
Why don't you travel. Mr.. Jaycox?"-
Pittsburgh Bulletin.
-'Miss Chicago, did you see the
Venus of Milo while abroad?" "oh.
yes, indeed. and shook hands with her. ("
Boot and Shoe Recorder
Charlie lin raptures)-"So you will
marry me! Tell me, do you love me?"
Clara-"No, don't: but Agnes Muir
ray does. and hate her."-Inter-
Ocean.
THE coffee is very weak this morn.
ing" said one of Mrs Hashcroft's board
ers at the breakfast table ''Set IL by
the butter awhile" replied the star
Misunderstanding Chronicle
she's the the dearest and sweetest girl
That ever mortal saw.
But she will persist In the practice
OF call ing her father Paw"
N. Y. Herald.
~
"No." "You had better wait till fin
ish my question, hadn't youP" "Oh,
it's quite a safe answer, whatever your
question may be. "-Demorest's Maya
zine.
The Unbeautiful Good
They say that love is blind. they do.
The figure Is not carried
bit too far. when once we think
OF people whom we often meet whom other
folks have married.
Detroit Free Press.
There is a man who will make his
mark one of these days in what they
call modern journalism "Good
writer, is hep" mo. He isn't much
with pen. But never knew anyone
that could beat him at getting up a
rattle. "-Washington Star.
On the Limited Express.-N. Y.
Drummer-"How do you account for
the gradual decrease in time between
New York and ChicagoP" Chicago
Drummer (disdainfully) Chicago.
sir, is rapidly growing in an easterly
direction. Jewellers Weekly.
-Teacher-''JohnnyC umso. you may
answer this question: If one man does
piece of work in five days, and anoth-
err man does the piece of work in three
lsvs, in how many DAYS can they do it
working together?" Johnny-"Please.
ma'am. I'm not very well informed on
The labor question. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Don't you feel kind of lonesome at
times?" asked Mrs. Matron. addressing
Miss Oldmaid. mo" answered Miss
oldmaid, 81 have parrot that swears,
dog that chews and a neighbor who
comes home every night and disturbs
the neighborhood. and I sometimes
feel as if / had husband. IN. Y.
Press.
Young Mr.. Staylate sank back in
MS chair in the fiower-hid conservatory
ina inhaled gentle breath. 20. Miss
5enevieve," he murmured, "what is
that faint, mysterious perfume that
scents the evening air?" ''Mr. Stay
ate" replied Genevieve, abruptly.
that is the mingled odor of breakfast
bacon and coffee. "-Chicogo News Rec
lrd
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
THINGS THAT CAUSE BLUSHING.
sudden Action of the Mind on Nerves
Produces the Flushed Face.

Sudden Action of the Mind on Nerves
Produces the Flushe q Face.
Blushing is not an art, as may peo-
pie are too prone to suppose. Neither
is il an absolute sign of ill-breeding,
as sor1e unl<ind folk maintain. The
fact is, il is just as natural for some
people to blush on one occasion as it is
for others to turn pale on another. The
same laws of nature that govern the
one rule the other. The capillaries, or
small blood vessels. which connect the
arteries and veins in the body form.
particularly over the cheeks, a network
so fine that il is necessary to employ
microscope to distinguish them. Or
dinarily the blood passes through these
vessels in normal volumes. leaving only
a natural tinge of the complexion. But
when some sudden emotion takes pos
session of the heart its action increases
and an electric thrill instantly leaps to
the cheeks. This thrill is nothing more
than the rush of blood through the in
visible capillaries; the color is nothing
more than the blood just beneath the
delicate surface of the skin. The causes
that bring about this condition in the
circulating system are called mental
stimuli They consist of joy. anger,
shame and the many other emotions.
Sudden horror. remorse or fear, on the
contrary. influences the nerves which
control the blood vessels and the face
becomes white Bushes and pallor re
suit from the sudden action of the mind
on the nervous system. So. If the mind
be forewarned and prepared for emo
tons, both habits can at least be par
tally overcome. But when the ner-
vous system is highly strung it would
be lifelong. If not futile. task to en-
deavor a permanent cure.
IL is the sensitive. nervous girl who
bushes easily. while the girl stolid by
nature, or who by education has her
nerves under perfect control, rarely
bushes y. Y. World.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
A Tideless Sea.

For practical purposes the Mediter
ranean may be accepted as being what
it is popularity supposed to be. tide
less sea. but it is not so in reality. In
many places there is distinct rise and
fall. though this is more frequently due
10 winds and currents than to lunar at
traction. At Venice there is a rise of
from one to two feet in spring tides,
according to the prevalence of winds
up UT down the Adriatic. In many
straits and narrow arms of the sea
there is periodical flux and rehux,
but the only place where the tidal in
fiuence. properly so called. IS unmis-
tal1tbly observed is in the gulf of
Ganes, where the tide runs at the rate
of two or three knots an hour and the
rise and fall varies from three to eight
feet-Philadelphia Ledger.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
THE DOLEFUL WOMAN.
One Who should Never be Allowed In the
sickroom.

sickroom.
Do You know the doleful person?
She, for the doleful person is always
woman, is always good neighbo. in
health, and tries to be neighborly in
sickness, but she makes a misera BILE
failure of the latter. You know how
she acts. Don't you remember the last
lime the baby was sick? After you had
watched by the little ones bed day
after day and night after night. had
watched the roses fade from the loved
one's cheeks, and saw the little form
waste away? And don't you remem-
Der that just at the time when you had
about given up hope the doleful neigh
Dor came in? And don't you remember
now she tried to cheer You up with a
one-sided conversation, something like
his:
"Why, Mrs. B, how much worse
;he baby looks this morning. She
loolxs just like Sarah Jones baby did
the night before it died. Gracious,
aever saw a child so wasted away as
sarah's was. except yours. We just
done everything for that child, but it
want no use. never will forget how
Sarah took on at the funeral"
And then the doleful neighbor sud-
denly remem bers that she has to run
back home TO ''set a sponge" and whep
she goes you hope she will never re-
turn. You look again at the suffering
babe and feel that your heart must
surely break. But suddenly there is a
knock at the door and in comes the
well, sunbeam neighbor is as good a
name as any. She was over the even
ing before and quietly and uno btrusive-
and when she left she left a word Of
cheer And when she comes this time
she says something like this:
"Why. how much better the baby
looks this morningr'
And don't you remember what a
bright CLEAN of hope crossed your
mind?
II never saw a child improve so much
In so short a time before. / am sure
the baby will soon be we'll"
And then the sunbeam neighbor re-
arranges the bed, adjusts the blinds,
tells you she will call again in a few
hours, and hurries home. Honest.
now, didn't she leave confident feel
ing behind her? You felt better and
more hopeful. Baby, even, seemed to
rally under the words, and when at
last the little one was playing around
your knee again, didn't you think of
the words of the sunbeam neighbor?
The doleful nelghbor has frightened
more mothers to death, buried more
babies and caused more tears than all
the plaques combined. She should be
suppressed. Omaha World III erald
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

1t doesn't require any great optical
skill to give site to blind asylum
Binghamton Repu blican.
The dog who chases his tail is like
many debaters-he never reaches his
Observation-Disclosures Gazette.
AS il is an actors business TO hold
the mirror up to nature, he must expect
al sorts of reflections Boston Tran
script
What is your chief objection to
wagner's operas?" why, they turn
down the lights so that you can't see
anything but the stage. Chicago News
Record.
-Boggs-Hello there, Joggs. what
powder? Joggs-I am going to try to
blow myself away from a porous-plaster
that's on my back.-Harvard Lampoon.
Don't you find your profession
very tiresome?' asked the patient of
the dentist Not especially. Why did
you ask?'' ut struck me as one con-
tinual grind "-Washington Star
Wife, wish / had taken the ad-
vice of my friends when / married you.
They all said you were fool. Hus-
band-Yes, that's what my friends told
e.-Demorests Magazine.
-Minnie-'T simply couldn't have
refused Jack after he offered me this
lovely engagement ring" Gladys
"Yes, Jack has always placed great re
lance on that ring."-Chicago News
Record.
-Admiring Neighbor-"Do you think
the pretty pet is going to be like his
father?' Fond Mother-"I shouldn't
be at all surprised. He keeps me up
every night, as it is. and is fractions in
the morning. Judy.
Are Charleton, Hicks & Gormley
liberal with their employees" Very.
Why, they had Mawson's resignation
from their employ typewriter at their
own expense and sent to him, just to
save him time, postage and trouble"
"A warm blundering man does more
for the world than frigid wise one.
man who gets into habit of inquir-
ing about proprieties and expediencies
and occasions, often spends his life
without anything to the purpose
Cecil.
-NOIn par dtAhS n SAnSS III i0'iAi'A
was reciting, and one of the younger
boys was asked to compare sick" He
began thoughtfully sick" paused
while his brain struggled with the
problem, then finished triumphantly:
''Sick, worse, dead. Yankee Blade.
She demonstrated Mrs Small, -
said the lodger to his landlady, Il
Thought you didn't allow smoking in the
parlor?" II don't" replied Mrs. Small
with energy. who's doing it, I'd like
to know" well. if you have time
you might step in and demonstrate with
/ the Iamp. Yankee Blade.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
ISSIANS AT HOME.
A Visitor who Found Them a Pleasau
and Hospitable People.

A Visitor who Found Them a Pleasant
and Hospitable People.
A writer who has recently returned
from Russia in describing the people OF
that country says:
81 found them pleasant, hospitable
and social people, always ready &c
fraternize and help me in every way in
their power was told sometimes by
Englishmen in the country that they
were a very childish people; in the ease
with which they are willing to be
amused this may be so. and also, per-
haps. in a certain disregard of conven-
tional appearances. i remember once
seeing a Russian general and
colonel-and be il noted that Of
fees invariably wear uniforms and
swords-sititng on the ledge Of a shop
window in the principal street of one
of the largest cities of the empire, dis
cussing some matter with great anima-
ton and wholly unaware of any incon-
gruity in their position and OF my some
what bewildered stare. Imagine such
a scene in Regent street.
"My tutor, however, assured me il
was nothing out of the ordinary. and
laughed at my surprise. One certainly
meets with little ways and usages COM
mon among the ordinary great middle
class (if NAV so call the class from
which spring the immense majority of
officers of the army ordinary tchinov-
hicks or officials, students, lawyers.
professors of the universities and
schools, doctors, merchants, etc
the class. in fact, among which
the ordinary Englishman finds
himself cast in his attempt to live in a
family and learn the language) which
strike an Englishman as being ''not
nice" and form to a great extent the
ground on which we occasionally vote
them as barbarians.
''Small matters, to which it would be
pity to attach much Importance, ar
rests ones attention, such as frequent
ly eating with their knives as we use a
fork; no salt spoon either in hotels or
private houses, the aforesaid knife be-
ing employed to help ones self to salt
sometimes stretching half the length of
table to get at it instead of asking
that it should be passed; simplifying
the carving of fowl, for instance, by
liberal use of the fingers. using the
same knife and fork for the various
courses and helping ines self to vegeta-
tables, etc, by sticking ones fork into
the dish and extracting what is re-
quired and many other little points
similar in kind.
Zone common practice should be
mentioned. The men, and sometimes
the ladies. carry about little pocket
comb. which is used in the most uncon-
cerned way anywhere, in train, at a
railway sta ton, or on entering a room,
without any apology. The hair is often
worn by men without any parting,
sometimes rather long, and brushed or
combed back or straight up, which
gives them rather a wild appearance.
These are some of the peculiarities of
manner and ways, which however
small, somewhat Jar on an Englishman.
In spite of the unique opportunity for
skating, which their long winter gives
them, il is rare to find any Russian who
can skate well.-Cornhill Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
TOWED HIMSELF UP.
A swindIer's Victim Prepares for Re
yenRe.

Swindler's Victim Prepares for Re-
venge.
He had a great big satchel in his
right hand and an umbrella in his left
as he entered the drug store. When he
had squared himself in front of the
soda fountain he dropped the satchel
clatter. and said:
Gimme sumthin' fur the brain"
''Phosphate?" inquired the girl.
''You know best. l want sumthin'
that will act is fodder fur the brain. l
jest gin a Teller a twenty-shillin GOLD
piece in place of a penny, and l guess
my brains is sOftenin' up"
She drew him a glass of phosphate
and he made about three swallows of
it. Then he put the glass down and
asked:
"Got anything fur the nerves?'
"Yes, sir"
''Gimme sumthin'. Teller jest kicked
me off boss car and my nerves are
right on the jump"
He downed the stuff without stopping
to take breath, and as he lowered the
glass he asked:
Got anything here FUR shlversps
eve have calisaya."
Gimme some. Policeman said he'd
run me in, and cold shivers ere gallop-
ing up and down my spine"
He drank this mixture with less
haste, and after he had wiped off his
chin he said:
"There orter be somethin' to brace
up the hull system in general, but
don't know the name of it,"
"We-we have tone" she replied.
"Then gimme some Pm a-goin' ont
and find that felier who kicked me and
gin him an awful lickin.' Put in a
heap of tone and not much froth"
He drank this with an occasional in
terval to calculate "Ahr' and appeared
calmer as he said:
II guess that will purity nigh fetch
me, and I'll top off with somethin' to
make me so hoppin' mad that nobody
can't hold me. Gimme some pineapple,
lemon, vanilla. strawberry, vichy and
cream, all shook up together"
He got what he asked for, and as he
paid for the job lot and picked up his
baggage he muttered:
'Brain all right-nerves all right
system all right and I'm fightin' mad
and ready todie. If l find that galoot
-whiffr-N. Y Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24

Farmer Jackson's generous gift, the
turkey. was deliciously Drowned, anC
the potatoes. the squash, the pie ano
the dOughnuts and the grapes were al
placed on the table at once in the good
old-fashioned way. And Miss Het
tie" as the villagers, young and old, al
called her, was a bountifui hostess.
Then she didn't dine alone?'
Oh. no, She had chosen for hei
guests those of her acquaintance who
had the least 70 Ice thankful for. There
were four happy faces gathered arouno
her table, happy for that day at leasi
aud many DAYS to come. in remem
brance of this Thanksgiving dinner &c
which Miss Hettie had so kindly in.
vited them.
Little Tommie Smith was there. Be.
sides Icing lame and obliged to go OF
crutches poor Tommie had a drunken
father and a wretched and disordereC
home. Very pleased and happy did he
look as he sat at Miss Hettie's right
hand. and how he did enjoy this boun
tiful dinner II was the first time he
ever knew what THANKSGIVING day
could be.
And more than the wholesome. de
iiEhtful food were Miss Hettie's bright
smile and the restful thankful spirit
which pervaded the little house and the
hearts Of its inmates.
Besides TOmmie. Mr.. Mott, poor.
old. forlorn, rheumaticky man poor il
friends, mean). wi lived across tho
lane, had hot bled Ia and, for the time
h..a It's -, -
unaccustomed warmth and glow Of this
Thanksgiving dinner gathering Polly
Moore. a laundress, an old friend oi
Miss Hettie. with her little niece. ais
shared the festivities.
You can hardly imagine how sur.
prised all these four people were when
they were so unexpectedly invited by
Miss Hettie" 10 JOIN her Thanksgiving
dinner. Some of them scarcely knew
what Thanksgiving meant. Little
Tommie said he only expected 70 have
a little mush and some potatoes for his
dinner. and here were all these beau
tiful dishes.
How Miss Hettie would help their
plates and urge them again ana again
to eat more.
W en the lHaSt was over al" HotAA
had helped Miss Hettie" to wash tho
dishes and arrange the room again,
then their hostess told TOmmic-and
they all listened-the story of our
Puritan fathers. and this beautiful Gus
tom they have given to US. Of each year
holding one day in thankful aeknowI-
edgment Of God's goodness.
And Hettia Brove thanked God tina.
night, in her prayer, for giving her
these meats to make others thankful.
Adele h. johnson. in y. Y. Observer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
BILL HEALEY.s euEEALos.
He Paralyzed the Bostonians and Maze
Lot of Money.

He Paralyzed the Bostonians and Maze .
Lot of Money.
''Old Bill Healy, he used to live over
in China.
What started the conversation was a
buffalo-coat-an old one in Lewiston
hotel, with the hair worn down to the
hide.
thine was when them was cheap"
said the bystanders- Now, they're as
expensive as the best"
'Old Bill Healey," said the other
man, trying to edge into the converse
ton.
"a buffalo robe in them days." said
the other man, could be bought for
four dollars and up'ards or down'ards
for that matter. They was plenty.
They was"
"Old Bill Healey. he lived over in
China"
1t was no use stopping him now, and
he was given the pole from start to fin
ish.
''Old Bill was a drover and he was a
rich man for them parts in them days.
| suppose he was worth $3.50, 00o and he
always carried good slice of it in his
trousers pocket.
''Well, speaking of Buffalo robes re-
minds me of good story. Bill Healey
went to Brighton once with load of
cattle-fat cattle and good as you ever
see Old Bill sold 'em and went into
Boston and wandered down on the
wharves and by the depots to see what
he could find. Well. he struck there
just about as they was about to bid off
cargo of buffalo robes. They
were in bales and there was a
pile of 'em, big pile of
'em. Old Bill was a slouchy look
ing old fellow, didn't look as though
he had dollar, and as he. slipped into
the party of buyers he noticed very
elegant lot of gentlemen with tall hats
and canes and white chol1ers.
1.-THE terms of the sale were this:
The bidder could take one bale OF ten
bales or the whole cargo. Well, Bill
began to bid. He was in it kline of
quietly and when he bid them Boston
fellows just turned their eve glasses on
him and looked him over. a common
person, said they. He can't be buying
many of them So when old Bill bid
little over 'em they quietly with
drew, thinking that he wouldn't take
many and that they could gobble the
lot. In this way, you see, the lot fell
to Bill.
How many bales?' said the auc-
tioneer
The hull lot said Bill
q" 'Whatr shrielSed they.
"Do you know, sir, that the terms of
this sale are cash, and that it means a
good many thousand dollars?" said The
auctioneer.
You count out your burned bales
and I'll count you out the cash. and
old Bill pulled ont a roll as big as your
hat and them Boston men We're para
iyzed.'
well. sir. them buffalo robes came
70 China, Me-, and Wa:erville. and were
sold for five dollars pair. Farmers
came from hundreds of miles to buy
them. Old Bill made a stack of money
on them, and to-day in Waterville and
China or other Kennebec towns you
can see buffalo robes whose history,
you will be told, traces back to the lot
that Bill Healey brought TO China.
Maine is full of 'em."-Lewiston Jour
nal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
PICKED UP ABROAD.


ONLY 10 per cent. of German school
boys are said to go in for athletics.
THE Swedish mile is IL $3.50 yards long
and the Vienna post mile is 5000 yards
A BRANCH of the English Needlework
guild has been established in brussels
conducted by resident English women.
THE Gauls, to make handles for their
stone axes, cleft the branches Of tree,
placed the ak in it and left it till the
wound in the wood had been completely
healed
In Paris, the other dav, man nearly
died of the "hiccups." He had them for
forty-eight hours at half minute in
tervals He was cured at last by
hypnotism.
THE abolition of the government
opium monopoly In India would mean
an annual loss to the already lettering
revenue of that empire of from e4.ooo,-
900 to s., 900. 900.
AN English experimenter, E. T. Chap
lin, has given an account of hypnotic
ing a laying hen and inducing her in
that manner to set on a setting of eggs
until seven of them had Matched out.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24

People overlooked the Importance of per-
manentlv beneficial effects and were salts
fed with transient action hut now that il
is generally known that Syrup of Figs will
permanently cure hahitual constipation,
well-informed people will not buy other
laxatives, which act for time, but final y
injure the system.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24
August
Flower

Eight doctors treated me for Heart
Disease and one for Rheumatism.
but did me no good. / could not
speak aloud. Everything that took
into the Stomrch distressed me.
could not sleep. 1 had taken all
kinds of medicines. Through a
neighbor I got one of your books.
/ procured bottle of Green's Aug
ust Flower and took it. l am to-day
stout. hearty and strong and enjoy
the best of health. August Flower
saved my life and gaveme my health.
Mrs. Sarah J Cox. Defiance. o. .
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24

Miss Elder-Well. ] maintain that
women can do anything that men can.
Mr. Gazzam-0h. no. The auctioneer's
business is one woman can not go into.
Miss Elder-Nonsense. She'd make
every bit as good an auctiOneer as a
man.
Mt Gazzam-Just imagine an unmar-
ried woman getting up before a crowd
and exelaiming: Now, gentlemen, all
l want Is an offer.--Yankee Blade.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24

comes, no matter how
dark the clouds are, when
the woman who is borne
down by woman's troubles
turns to DIR. Pierce's Fav-
orite Prescription. II her
life is made gloomy by the
chronic weaknesses, deli
cate arrangements, and
painful disorders that af-
fiict her sex, they are COM
pietely cured. II she's
overworked, nervous, or
rundown" she has new
life and strength
Z" Favorite Prescription !"
is a powerful, invigorating
tonic and a soothing and
strengthening nervine,
purely vegetable, perfectly
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1892-11-24

dreary. drizzling November rain
Kettle was the village dressmaker.
and lived in a neat little cottage grown
brown with age, near the end of Lilac
lane
While she tidied mp tne little sitting
room and finished her morning work
before she sat down to sew flor
she was maid as well as seams