The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1892-04-16
THE BURGLAR.

Groat mtStak0 Wneu uttetnptcu "
burglarize the fashionable" boarding
house
As old fox ms should have known
better than to waste precious time and
skill on such forlorn and foolish en-
terprise But was taken in by the
apparent wealth of the boarders and
the outside grandeur OF their hash mill
Just as soon rs leave my present
domiclle which. though o common
jail, sets q much better table than the
aforesaid concern i intend to sue the
landlady for damages and don't ex-
pect to get cent either from that
busted crowd. 1t will only be done to
save my temporary blasted reputation.
Till then shall take grim pleas
ure in perfecting my patent self kick
ing machine which l now have under
way. When it is finished hope to
interest a small but select audience on
whom / can rely by showing them the
fine work 1t can do on fools and I'll
be the first fool.
Now that l have relieved my bot
tied indignation somewhat will tell
my story. trusting to after exploits In
my line OF business to regain a proper
respect for my hitherto unquestiona-
BILE abilities
For some weeks had piped a big
boarding house in New York's most
stylish avenue.
had watched with long ing eyes
the immense display of beautiful boz
gus jewelry the boarders wore and
heard with eager ears their heightened
conversation regarding their social po-
sitions aud pecuniary resources and
expenditures necessary to maintain
them in 1.-The 400"
IL instead OF piping that crib and
its poverty stricken. Dragging inmates.
had piped the grocery man and the
tailor or servants l would not now be
laughing stock for my pals nor filed
with tumuItuous desire to test my
self-kicker as soon as possible. hurt or
no hurt
In ways known only to my profess
sion and which would be dishonorable
II not unbusinesslike to disclose had
secured pass key OF the elegant imi-
tation mahogany front door OF the
palatial hash mill So at 2 a. m, on
beautiful dark night / found my
self very quietly admiring the gorge
GUS stencil plate fresco on the hall
wall by the rather unsatisfactory light
OF burning matches, for knew 1t was
against the landlady's rules to use gas
later than 10 p. m.
/ had another reason. also. but 1t Is
not necessary to mention it here.
On the hat rack was fine collection
OF overcoats and silk hats and. before
going further l selected nice warm
ulster to wear home. for the weather
outside was cold and stormy.
/ tried on several shiny tiles but as
none would fit the police club bumps
on my head picked out seal skin
cap aud laid it by the ulster at the foot
Of the stairs.
Then | went through all the pockets
OF the other coats but finding only
cigarettes and toothpicks ] gave it up
for bad job and started for the bed
rooms upstairs.
= When l reached the second story
hall paused a bit to listen.
AL was uoilClOuoiy Quill ooNo thO
gnawing OF a rat trying to escape
from slow and sure starvation into the
next house and the melodious melody
OF base and treble snores from the
soundly sleeping boarders ~who. no
doubt were dreaming of something
to eat.
This music. so soothing to one in
my position. came through the open
transoms over the doors which. OF
course. were securely locked and
bolted from the inside.
In the usual neat and easy way
known to those in my business was
soon within the front bed-chamber
occupied by a Mr. and Mrs. R S
Tocrat who Judging from their
decorated night-caps and refined snor-
ing. were birds worth plucking.
With quiet chuckle over the
wealth In prospect commenced oper-
atoms at the dressing case and quick
ly transferred its load OF jewelry to
my capacious pockets without disturb
ing the loose hair pins and hair
switches and other strange feminine
appendages which were scattered
about
Then. careful not to spoil the dreams
OF the happy couple who were prac-
ticing grand nasal duet together
lifted the old Qentleman's trousers
from chair and hauled out his pocket
book.
How heavy and fat 1t felt as Iopened
II. A hundred dollars at least
seemed to be It's size But alas. all
the bills It contained had please re-
init" written on them. as sorrowfully
law by burning match.
Angry at the fraud played on me.
] tried the other pockets for loose
change and got just twenty cents a
ponknife and well-worn horse chest
nut for my trouble.
\ Then tackled tho nabob's vest
from which solid looking watch
chain dangled invitingly. But there
was mo time here" Only bunch OF
keys which LETT for the old codger to
wear. and put on airs with. till his
.uncle" had finished repairing and