Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1892-01-07
THE JOKER'S BUDGET,
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

Same Thing-He Couldn't Afford To
On One COnditiOn-TwO Opin.
ions-And That's a Fact, Etc.,
Etc.
SAME THING.
81 see," he began, as he entered the
office of u plumber, "that some one has
invented cutoff or valve or syphon by
winch water pipe is prevented from
freezing, no matter how much exposed"
~ 6es,' softly replied the plumber.
Good thing"
''Very likely
Come into general use?"
"Yes."
"When it does you plumbers will have
to take back seat, chr"
'No. Takes two pounds of solder lust
the same, and we get in three hours
extra work. "-[Detroit Free Press.
HE COULDN'T AFFORD TO.
Mr.. Suburb-Well, was never more
surprised in my life. had long and
serious talk with stranger whom met
ON the train, and who do you think he
was?
Editor Weekly Fun-Give it up.
"He was Mr. Button-buster, one of
your chief humorists."
"What about him?"
"Why, he didn't crack joke all the
time we were together"
"His Jokes are worth S. apiece. -
New York Weekly.
on ONE CONDITION.
Tramp to lady of the house)-I'm
starving to death! Can die out in the
barnyard?
Lady of the House (gracously)-Yes;
if you won't crawl under the barn.
TWO OPINIONS.
'Yes," said the village oracle, as he
looked around the grocery store and fixed
the power of his eye on the only man
present, ''it's my belief that the world is
growing worse, and that even in this vii
lage there's u deal of evil-that every
man in it would thieve if he got IL chance
present company excepted, of course"
well, now," responded his auditor,
''my beliefs just the opposite. | don't
think there's man in the village would
thieve if he got the best chance in the
world-present company excepted, of
course"
There was no more to be said New
York Press.
AND THAT'S A FACT.
Although it causes one to sneeze
Much more than one is pleased at,
The grip is plainly II disease
That isn't to be sneezed at.
/ New York Press.
UNsELFIsH.
"Your husband borrows great deal of
trouble, it seems to me, Mrs. Blue"
eyes, but he is unselfish with it. He
always shares it with me-"
HIS ACTIONS BELIED HIS REPUTATION.
"I've always heard that you were of a
generous disposition, john" said the
maiden, as her lover almost hugged the
breath out of her; but can hardly be-
lieve it."
"Why can't your"
because | find you always near and
grasping. - New York Press.
THE PARTING.
1t was o'clock p. M, and George
Montgomery had been spending the after
noon with sweet Lillian Luray.
"Good-by, darling" he said, fondly, as
they stood in the darkened vestibule.
"Good-by, George" she murmured,
nestling her head in the time-honored
place.
''Good-by."
"Good-by."
''In every parting, dearest, there is
the image Of death" he whispered, hold
ing her close and kissing her passionately,
"and we may never meet again"
ooh, George, darling" she said, clinging
to him most fiercely.
"Who knows, my own what may hap
pen between this hour and when we meet
again ?"
"Mizpah," she breathed, and threw her
arms about him convulsively.
Eyes, darling" he spoke tremulously,
"let us keep that word as our shield and
armor."
"And you will come back to me; to
your own little loving Lillian, George;
the same beautiful and brave George you
have always been?"
"Trust me, Lillian, darling; trust your
George"
"Oh, darling" she said strong in the
faith of women, 81 do trust you. How
could love you so if | did not?' and she
kissed him fondly.
"Then | shall come again, Lillian, my
own.'
"But when, George? When?" she asked
anxiously.
cat 8 this evening, darling"
"Oh, George" she walled, "will it be
SO long as that? So long, so long?"
He took her in his strong arms,
tenderly.
Darling" he whispered, "make it
1907
And it came to pass as he had spoken.
-[Detroit Free Press.
DEsPERADoEs EXCHANGE "REMINISCENCES.
eyes, | was great desperate in my
day" said the reformed train robber,
shaking his head sadly and with much
humility. 81 once held up whole train
load of passengers single-handcd and
alone"
"That was quite feat" said the re-
tired auctioneer, with dreamy ,far-away
look in his eye, "but | once knocked
down whole railroad. - -[Chicago Tri-
bune.
THE sowER AND THE REAPER.
Old Moneybags, his whole life through,
Worked-stormy days and sunny;
And now his heir is working, too,
To spend the old mans money.