Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-12-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


OF course young woman expects to
be killing when sha puts on kilt
Fun.
It takes q master stroke to smooth
down a rebellious schoolboy.-Texas
Siftings.
About all some people want with re-
ligion Is to make them feel good
Rams Horn.
When the head of a mortal gets turned
It is always turned the wrong way
Galveston News.
Many wise man has picked up good
suggestion where some fool dropped it.
Galveston News.
Figures wont lie, but they are as clay
to the potter in the hands of an expert
Boston Transcript.
"She's very upright young lady,"
"Yes, but she's bent on matrimony. -
Philadelphia Record.
A man who lives fast cannot expect
that enjoyment will keep up with him.
Binghamton Republican.
"Was the pug dog mad that the po.
liceman shotF' "Gee, whiz no; but the
woman that owned him was. Inter
Ocean.
Forester -"How time does fy."
Lancaster "I don't blame it. Think
how many people there are trying to kill
it."-Brooklyn Life.
At Home: Jack Dashing (angrily)--
"Pen, have found you Quit" Penelope
Peachblow (yawning)-"I really wish
you had, Jack. New York Herald.
When on his hobby once he mounts
He'll chatter by the hour.
His eloquence is not what counts;
IL Is MS staying power.
Washington Star.
As rule, man who has moustache
he can twist, or whiskers he can stroke,
is three times as long making up his
mind as one who hasn't.-Atchison
Globe.
"Was your son graduated at the head
of his classi'' "No, indeed. He was in
much more responsible posltion--at
the very foundation of it."--Black and
White.
Walking is said to be the best exer-
else for brain workers, and it is worthy
of note that brain workers can seldom
afford to do anything else. Boston
Globe.
Mrs. Coldwater-'T wonder why he
doesn't try holding his breath when he
has hiccoughs." Jaglets-'I guess it's
most too strong for him. "-Chicago
Inter. Ocean.
swell, this IS fought" exclaimed Jack
Frost. "What ISL" asked the man in
the moon. "Here is newspaper allud-
ing to me as Jack the Nipper. Indian
apolis Journal.
"Why is It that Mr.. Hardy proved
such fiat failure in societya" "That's
easy enough to answer. He talked sense
when out at social functions. Chicago
News Record.
He-"A woman can't conceal her
feelings" She-"Can't, eh9 She can
kiss a woman she hates" He-"Yes,
but she doesn't fool tho woman any,
Brandon Banner.
"Do you think it is a symptom Of in
sanity for a man to talk TO himselfs"
"Not necessarily. 1t may be merely
good-natured liberation of poor society,""
Washington Star.
Wife (excitedly--"If you go on like
this shall certainly lose my temper"
Husband---''No danger, my dear. A
thing of that size is not easily lost."--
Commercial Bulletin.
1t does not follow that man is super
ior to his fellows because he makes an
impression in society. The dull razor
is most successful in making its presence
known. Boston Transcript.
"Do you see doubled" asked the oculis.
who was examining Farmer Folders
eyes. "Of course l do" replied the
farmer. ~ have two eyes, haven't Il"
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
Van Arndt--"She told me it was her
irst year out" Maid Marian-"Why,
she's been out four seasons" Van A
"Ah, we'll, she counts four seasons the
year, suppose. Kate Fields Wash
ington.
A Jersey City official who is in the
coal business, and has been underselling
his neighbors, has been put under arrest
for selling light tons. and is now likely
to learn something about the famous
weigh of the transgressor. philadelphia
Ledger.
Jimmy-"Can you talk, Mr.. Flyppa"
Mr.. Flypp-"Yes. of course can. Why
did you askl" Jimmie--ssWhy, cause
heard mamma say that your voice was
drowned last night at the concert, and
that she was just awful glati of it,
Chicago nter-Ocean.
Mrs. Goodlpck-sI don't believe I
ever missed any one as l do Mrs. Hi
tome" Mrs. Dasher--''I didn't know
that you we're acquainted with her.
Mrs. Goodluck-ssI wasn't exactly, but
we had the same washerwoman and we
have been exchanging handke chiefs for
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