The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-01-09
VTTDER'S RESOLVES.
,-rJ. BEGIN TIE NEW YEAR
q WITH NEW JOKES.

u - With Coed Resolutions and
R,m-Dan Rice as "A Clown.
-. gard-headed scotchman.
~ E,o, the NetO York Recorder.
.-bs,,o the season Of the year for max
u rssolutions, I've gone into the bust
" s,vsslf 10 my usual extent-that is,
I' -.sdopted ali those of the past few
md finished by firm resolve TO keep
Individual resolutions are like those
u. ,'-,7ress and other legislative bodies
- cot worth the talk it takes to tell
" Unless they're boosted along by
,trong enacting clause. In this respect
al.o resemble donEey-any mention
~. ,s,rrress always brings donkeys to my
nind. ,u 10 ouoo .-,,.s
-, New Years day that his wife
bsll him: she was afraid that If be kept
s"! .bsTe wouldn't be anything left for the
901l.Iato do. After supper he went out just
DiD- ,,inute 10 tell a frie d a message he
iA,t'rgotten. When he reached home, at
1a"G1aIo1f IN the morning, the whole police
90 If the village was helping him along,
Ctis there was a smell in the air as if big
Si,lllery bad exploded.
,slh ,IOln. LuOHiiG0 lis HAl5s Us ne
- himself all over the stair carpet, and
PnbeJ the camphor bottle under his nose,
ssnSbsfs become OF all those good resolu-
tous"
IL, "but (hic) they're 30 young yet that
s5T't hic) like TO put EN- (hic) to work"
srother chap who was loaded to the mug
i. With good resolutions and bad rum was
~ 5sing he figure eight act all over the side
TsF one New Years night. when virtu-
~. neiyhbor met him and remarked:
INV Door friend On this day Of all days,
"ITbssb all right" said he of the load.
.vt,scing a flask from his pocket. "Take
eNo, I will not; but IL you have started
,hi, morning with some good resolutions"
H0b. thash what you want, ish iC? All
,gbt take 'em all. Don't be modest about
q for I'll be darned If l can do a blame
thing with en-
,bsv used 70 be when it was the fashion for
fellow to hurry all day long from one
tanse 10 another and make believe he was
,stiny New Years calls. In those good
old times fellow generally put off his reso-
lnhnr until next day when he was sure to
have q whacking headache TO help him. I've
Known more than one good fellow who said
that there was nothing like headache to
Aajp man swear off, and nothing like
swearing of to help man TO another big
headache; the longer it was put of the big
4 ger il got.
hope 10 begin the new year by making
veop!e laugh. If con only make one man
faush it will be worth ali the work it takes
y and it does take an awful lot TO make
some peoples faces break up. 1t would
take keg Of dynamite to get a joke into
the heads Of some people, and even then
you'd have to clinch them on the inside to
keep item from getting away before they
had got down to business.
Ihoue, also, TO begin the year with new
Jokes, though it isn't always q safe venture.
a To many people jokes are like wines-the
cider they grow the better they are, [ find
that Jokes are good deal lie tunes-most
people enjoy best those they are best &C
Guauted with. I went over to the Good
n Samaritan home the other day to try and
make the old folks laugh, and succeeded
giorously-I never had a more appreciative
audience All the inmates have passed "a
years or more, TO l thought thew would
enjoy lispeniu9 TO come old acquaintance.
and | found | was right. One of the
yarns | told them was the one about
the man who used wart on the back of his
beck for collar bottom; twas the joke that
Noah came on one of his sons when the fam
lily was leaving the ara. and the young man
had been unable TO find the collar button
which he dropped In his stateroom, the
food having lasted SO long that the vessels
supply Of candles had run out. Well, the
the old folks laughed until the tears rolled
down their checks. but one old gentleman
interrupted me by innooently inquiring:
Wasn't the wort too large to be used that
way, Mr.. WilderP'
Old people aren't the only ones who like
Old jokes beat, especially IL the listeners live
IN The country. A circus manager once
4 hired new clown. and as the fellow had
oeen cut OF employment for long while,
and wanted to show his gratitude to his new
employer, he laid himself out to get I'D a
orano rev lot Of jokes. They were first
rate jokes, TOO, but when he tried them on
tas audience the people were as solemn as if
they were taking pills. The manager got
op bowling rage and went for the clown,
sZcaiming:
Blank blank you, what do you mean by
getting up eli that stufT?"
S'pit'" echoed the clown. "I'd like you
70 Understand, sir, that those are all new
Jokes
Now jokes be hanged ~ roared the man
AeI. Get right out there and give them
al TIE old chestnuts, or the reputation of
'lls ano~ will be- gone forever"
me clown obsyed orders and within five
snluu'es tnat show was so full Of laugh that
'uo manager was afraid he'd have to put an
's 'on on the tent to hold it all The old
GAS saw what was coming each time the
Y"u oeGan, so they had time to let a reef
Two out OF their faces so as TO be ready
W laugn when the point came in, while the
!ouuR people who had been at circuses be-
S, IooEed as expecbant as a young girl or
t ouV% at the gate under twilight, waiting
'Or The other to come.
SDeaAlnR OF circuses and old jokes reminds
t sto VI a story which was told twice dav in
t-e ring by that superb clown, Dan Rice, so
TX ago mat 1t ought to be entirely new to
~" 4ay and generation. 1t was first told
Yue saturday night, when the show had
.'oued Town so late that the performance
was running into Sunday morning, and the
tr91ager thought he could pay some respect
w .ne character Of the day by getting off a
Ira ~oiai Fenectlon or two. So when the clown
IVY, y"ore at The trick mule the manager, who
n ,,o ESQ rlngmaster, remarked: "Stop-
opl SIT Don't curse that mule. Don't
'Vu know that God made him2n
nv nat" drawled the clown, who was
t; Hno Vsner than the great and only Dan
na.DS and to whom the manager whis-
80 wnat ne was up to, and that Dan
t6at sop H'' " "4AAA ny "4'"' 10
Certainly, sir. God made that mule,
hS u0 made the Garth and everything In
,Nwhatl Made all the people, toogn
vora'' eir Made man first and then
rn.i gu don't tell mel Well, making man
s' lave been big lob but to make