davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
No Judge of Beauty.

Artists Sister-Oh, George. your work
is going to be appreciated at last. At
the gallery to-day heard Mrs. Highup
say you had the prettiest picture on ex-
hibition.
Struggling Artist (despondingly)-
Mrs. Highup, unfortunately. is no judge.
She admires that redfaced. pug-nosed
baby of hers.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
One View IF a Gas Meter.

"Do you know gas meter is to me
almost human?''
ITO me, too. 1t has that dreadfully
human tendency toward untruth."-N.
Y Sun
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
Still There.

There's gas escaping" said Bunting,
shifting the air.
NO." replied Larlxin, also taking q
sni6i ut seems to be here yet"-ludss
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09

Dissatisfied Colonel-I expected, cap
tain, that the general would send M.
men of experience for this expedition
wanted an officer to lead men who
have seen service-I dare say you never
led anything.
Captain-I led the german last sum.
mer at Newport. Life.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
Theatrical Note.

A Fifth avenue lady at the opera said
to her escort:
81 wish you would shut the door.
shall take cold from this double
draught."
Double draught! do not see where
a double draught could come FROM" OBJ
served the gentleman.
"Why, sir, don't seel It blows from
the door; and don't you see that fellow
on the stage blowing, too?"-Texas
Siftings.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
The HaDDy Pair.

He-Your husband tells me he en-
joyed himself in Mexico more than any
where else on his wedding tour. Did
you?
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09

1T makes all the difference in the
world whether MAN or maid calls
you my dear fellow."--N. Y. Herald,
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
Jack-Hello, Tom!

Jack-Say, since you have some mon
ey now, could you let me have that
small amount you owe mem. Y. Her
aid
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
Part of His Duties,

Visitor Tin newspaper office)-Who
is the little man at yonder desk?
> Attendant-Thati is the religious edi-
tor.
"Does he do nothing but write re-
ligious matter?''
''Oh! yes; he writes the tips for races
every day."-Truth
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
He Laughed Once ONLY.

81 suppose you haven't forgotten that
it is leap year." he said, as he took a
seat beside her, land SO must be care
full not to lead the conversation in a
dangerous direction" and he laughed.
81 had quite forgotten it," she said,
with a yawn; whats the use of remem-
bering it when you never meet a man
who is worth proposing to-"
This time he didn't laugh. NY. Press.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09

He owed T,uckskin Pete three dollars
And afterward denIed it.
That's Why the coroner's Jury
Was called in to decide it.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
A Considerable Doctor.

A.-Dr. Schmidt is one of the incest
doctors in the city Very frequently he
attends patients and never asks them to
pay the bill.
B.-You don't say sol
C.-Yes. He sues the estate if the ex-
ecutor doesn't settle it promptly.-Tex-
as Siftirgs.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
A Lapse of Memory

A Lapse of Memory.
Tom-She seemed infatuated with
you and yet she refused you?
Dick-Yes.
Toni wonder If your declaration
was ardent enough.
Dlck-Well, told her she was thu
only woman had ever loved.
Tom-You forgot that you were 4
widower.
Dick-By Jove! that's fact.-Judge
Case of Necessity.
Won Bloomer-I understand that yor
have bought a cottage at the seashors
for this summer.
De Tootville-1 bought two, side BY
side.
Won Bloomer-What do you want two
for, with your small family?
De Tootville- is for my wife's
trunlss.-Cloak Review.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
Not Troublesome.
other man?

Servant-This room will be rented
only to an artist.
Room Hunter-And why not to an
other man?
Servant-Because artists are less
troublesome-they never want their
room put in order.-Once Week.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
A Good Inyestment.

"It has cost you a good deal to put
your son through college?"
eyes"
"Do you think it is likely to pay your
well. expect SO. He has already
received one offer from professional
baseball club."-N. Y. Press.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
Had Studied to Advantage.

She-I? Oh, was taken sick in Chi
cago and couldn't 60 further.-Life.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09

Blinkers-Why is it your friend Wink
ers is always down at the heel? Does
he lose his money on horse races?
Dinkers-He never bets on a horse
race. He loses his money on the human
race.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
Qualified.

HE has nine children. IN. Y. Week.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09
BEFORE AND AFTER.
Only an Amateur.

BEFORE TAKING. AFTER TAKING.
Puck.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09

Canned goods-Try the Sun Brand
Peaches, Cherries, Pears and
other fruits and Tomatoes, Corn
and vegetables and meats in
variety.
A nice lot of French cream candies
inst received.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1892-06-09

Garden Seeds, fresh and sure to
grow.
Fruits-Fresh Bananas, Oranges.
Lemons Dates, and Apples.
Vegetables-Onions, Potatoes Cab
bage, Squashes etc.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
Miss gIitchellss Duke.
From the London Figaro. 4


The Duke of La Rochsfoucsuld, who is
to marry Miss Mitchell, the daughter of an
American millionaire, has the bluest blood
in France flowing in his veins. His ances-
tors represented France at the Crusade,
and men of his name have filed high of.
fee at the court, in the army and in the
magistracy ever since. One duke of La
Rochefoucauld was killed at the massacre
of st. Bartholomew. Another lived TO
write q book or maxims, of which the fol-
lowing are specimens:
"The greatest miracle of love Is to era
dictate Irritation"
'There are few women whose charm
survives their beauty"
Jealousy is always born with love, but
does not always die with it."
The present duke knows q good deal
about filtration, the charms of women and
jealousy. But as he is thirty eight, IL may
be presumed that on his marriage he will
settle down and be content with the
charms and the dollars of his wife.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09

THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION.
Woman will undoubtedly be fine to see
at the great fair in Chicago next year, and
the display of the work of her hands and
brain will be paralyzing. The stupid man
that goes to the show with the idea that
Woman is in any way inferior to Man will
have that idea so thoroughly annihilsted
that ever afterward his woman rulers will
find him docile and obedient subject. He
will not only be taught that Woman is the
better half of the race, but he will be
shown that but for Woman Man wouldn't
have had anything to eat or veal, and that
he owes his present position in the world
to her. According to Mrs. Potter-Palmer,
president of "the Board of Lady Man
agers,' it is designed to prove by occu-
lar demonstration the fact generally
conceded by archeologists that Woman
was the inventor of the industrial arts
among all the primitive peoples, and that
it was not until these became lucrative
that they were appropriated by men.
While man, the protector, was engaged in
fighting, or in the chase, Woman con-
structed the rude semblance of home.
She cooked the food and later ground the
grain between stones and prepared it fo,
bread. She cured the skins of animals
and fashioned them awkwardly into gar
ments. Impelled by the necessity for itf
use, she made the needle, twisting the
| fbres of plants into threads
| She invented the arts o.
basket making, weaving and knitting, ane
discovered the use of vegetable dyes. Th'
first potter, she nodded the coarse ella,
jars and other domestic utensils, drying
them in the sun and gradually learning t.
| ornament them.
And SO forth and 30 on. This show
that Man has no cause to feel big. Neces
sity and Woman were the mothers of in
vention, and as soon as invention begul
to pay Man sneakily gobbled it up and at
tempted to pose as its father. But th
ancient and persistent old fraud is abou
to be as thoroughly exposed as he wa
when his lack of gumption caused him t
eat the apple offered him by the alert an
| willy Woman.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
Origin OF the Word ssCocktafl.g
From Carpenters Special Letter to tn,

From Carpenters Special Letter to the
World.
The title of our most popular drink
comes from Mexico. The Aztec word for
pulque is pronounced much like octsil,
and General Scott's troops called the liquor
cocktail and carried the word back to the
United States. 1t Is said that the liquor
was discovered by Toltec noble and that
he sent it to the king by the hand of his
daughter, Miss Cocktail CXochitD. The
king drank the liquor and then looked at
the maiden. The first tickled his palate,
the second ensmored his heart. It was q
case of love at first sight in both instances
and he married the girl and started q
pulque plantation. From that day to this
the Mexicans have kept themselves satura-
ted with pulque, and Miss Cocktail is one
/ of the Venuses of Mexican tradition.
Mexican brandies are very strong.
There is one eslled sguardiente, which
is made from sugar cane, and which Ia as
strong as it Is cheap. had sore thros,
and was advised to bathe my neck in the
brandy. found that 1t made the skin
/ smart, and concluded to see how much al
cohol there was in it. 1 poured q wine.
! glsssful of il on my marble washstand and
| touched q match to IL. 1t exploded like
coal oil and blazed away for ten minutes.
! Two million dollars worth of this brandy
! Is made in Mexico every year. Mexicanf
have some good wines, but they are very
dear, and an ordinary clsret costs dollar
1 O bottle
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
the interest to the astounded cashier. The
bank refused to accept the interest.

Another object lesson. Pearl barley ia
| country. Under the 1883 and Mills tariffs
| the duty was placed at one-half cent per
pound, or II per cent. ad valorem. Un-
der the Mckinley tariff the duty was raised
300 per cent. to two cents per pound, or AZ
per cent. ad valorem. The natural result
follows. The wholesale price of pearl bar
ley in 1890 was from four to five cents per
pound, whereas to-day it can be bought
for three and one-half cents, the American
factories, especially in Ohio, are doing
more business than they ever dreamed of,
and the importations of the foreign article
have been checked.
Bismarck appears to be in fine condi-
ton for go old q man. His physician,
DR.. Schweninger, in a published inter-
view, states that his health is frst-rate,
and that he sleeps like a top for eight
hours every night. As for the pain in his
face, the prince, he says, has been subject
to that for thirty years, after exposure to
cold, but it never remains with him long
and yields readily to treatment. As a
general rule the ex-chancellor is the
freshest and iveliest member of his
family, and has the most prodigious appe-
tite in his household, as might be ex-
pected from his great frame and bulk. 1t
is true that he complains of growing old,
but that cry has been common with him,
says DR.. Schweninger, for twenty years.
The bluejay, says man who knows
much about birds, 'is the most persistent
He will conceal himself in clump of
leaves near the spot where small birds are
accustomed to gather, and when they are
enjoying themselves in their own fashion
will suddenly frighten them almost to
death by screaming out like hawk. Of
course they scatter in every direction, and
when they do 80 the mischievous rascal
gives vent to a cackle that sounds very
much like a laugh. If he confined his
pranks to such jokes as this, however, he
would not be such bad neighbor to birds
smaller than himself, but when he amuses
himself by breaking the eggs in their nests
and tearing the young to pieces with his
bill he becomes pestilent nuisance, and
they often combine their forces to drive
him out of the neighborhood. They do not
always succeed, for he is as full of fight
as of mischief, but severe conflict teaches
him that they too have their rights, and
thus induces him to mend his manners"
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09

When the time comes for me to die
Tomorrow or some other day,
If God should bid me make reply
"What wouldst thou?" shall say:
"Oh, God, thy world was great and fair,
Yet give me to forget it clean,
Nor vex me more with things that were,
And things that might have been!
"I Lowell and toiled, throve i'll or well
Lived certain years and murmured not,
Now grant me in that land TO dwell,
Where all things are forgot!
"For others, Lord, the purging fires,
The loves reknit the crown, the palm;
For me, the death of all desires
In everlasting calm"
London Academy
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
No. 1863

The house Is neat structure, quite fanci-
fully painted, and everything around II Is
in good order, but it has lonely, deserted
look withal- 1t is not known what this
occupants grudge against womankind is.
but 1t is evidently deep seated one, as 1t
is reported that the property has been
willed to a man on the condition that he
never allows a woman TO come on the
place, and in case he does ii is TO escheAt
to the state. The neighbors look AskAnoe
at the place as they go by and whisper
with bated breath: THAT is the house in
which q woman has never set foot" 1t
fs safe to bet that notwithstanding the
viii it will not be long after the present
owner has vacated the premises till wo-
men folks are ruling the roost there.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
4nnrna1 aud Gumrfet.
A NOTABLE PETITION.

A NOTABLE PETITION.
On another page we print in full the
petition sent to the Court of Common
Council by the New York, New Haven and
Hartford Railroad company. 1t is a very
interesting and important document, and
if the requests of the petitioner are grant
ed, as they probably will be sooner or
later, the city will have some benefits that
have long been urgently needed. Of course
such work as is proposed cannot be done
without some friction, but the railroad
company has evidently done it's best to
obviate in it's plan all cause for just criti-
cism.
1t will be good thing for all concerned
to have the passengers over the Derby
road come and go at the Union station.
1t should and would have been done long
ago but for the unreasonable action of
those who saw in An attempt to serve the
convenience of the public an onslaught on
"the little Derby" Now that the little
Derby is the property of the great road
there can be no longer any reasonable OBJ
lection to the proposed change. And there
are many conclusive reasons in favor of it.
1t is also to be noticed that no change in
the freight business of the Derby with con-
Meeting western roads is proposed.
It is proposed to remove the death traps
at Meadow street and Custom House
Square. That the people of New Haven
have tolerated them as long as they have is
a striking illustration of how long-suffer-
ing "the public" can be. The prospect
that at last they are to go will be cheering
to those who have long feared them and
been shocked by their deadly work.
The other changes proposed are designed
to give Connecticut's great railroad better
facilities for doing its work in this city,
which facilities have long been much
needed. With the new Union avenue and
the new Union station the public will be
better accommodated, and the road
will have the room it needs. The whole
plan appears to be comprehensive and far
sighted, and for the benefit of the public
az we'll as for the benefit of the road. We
do not see any very weighty objections
that can be fairly urged against it. The
road already owns rost of the property
involved, and it badly needs more room to
do it's work in. It has made it's petition
in fair and even generous terms. It will
make the proposed changes, if allowed to,
with no cost or Inconvenience to the pub
lie. We believe it should be permitted to
carry out its well devised plan, and the
sooner it is done the better for the city as
we'll as for the road.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
A Man who Abhor. uomankind.

IFrom the FortlAhd Ofesonltn-I
On q cross street running south from the
Base Line road, short distance beyond
w. s. Ladd's farm, lie q house which lie not
. Trappist monastery, but inside of which,
nevertheless, it is said no woman has ever
been allowed to set foot. The proprietor
IL stout, solid-looking man, probably
about forty years Of age, who lives alone.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
PROPER.

The proper place for undressed kid is in
the bathtub.-Texas Siftings.
Granddaughter (sweet 1s)-Yes, he's hor-
ribly bashful.-New York Weekly.
The desirability of bonds depends on
whether you hold them or they hold you.
indianapolis News.
The chimney swallow ought to outfly all
other birds, for it is Matched in iue.-
Binghamton Republican.
Penelope-"What would you suggest as
favors for next german, Dolly" Dorothy,
y-"Husbands. ."-Life's Cal
endar.
Every man who takes part in your pro-
cession expects in return that you will
some day blow horn in the band in his
ocession.-Atchison Globe.
"What is meant by relsstic fctionl" 'sIt
| means the kind of fiction in which the
writer gives his characters his own virtues
and his neighbors' failipgs. Puck.
Father-My son, you ought to be mar
ried and settled by this time. Adult Son
We'll, Pm not married, but I proposed to
Miss Flirtie last night, and she settled me.
New York Weekly.
Algy (whoee iHcessant chatter has
scared away the fish)-Oh, I say now,
you've caught dozen and none. What
do you fish With Old Angler-With
bated breath.-Smith, Gray &c Co. g
Monthly.
Mrs. Wickwire-I can give you some
cold victuals, but no coffee. We only cook
once day in this weather. Hungry Hig-
gins Gn disgust)- oncet dsyl Well,
some people is too lazy fer any use!-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Old Lady-There is one thing notice
particularly about that young man who
calls to see you. He seems to have an in
born, instructive respect for women. he
treats every woman as though she were q
being from higher sphere, to be approached
only with the utmost delicacy and defer.
ence.
Papa (teaching little Barr his numbers)
Now, Barr, how much is ten times nine
Barr-Ninety! Papa-And ten times
} eiehta Barr-Eighty! Papa-Then how
/ much is ten times naughts Barr (studying
: We'll, des ten times naught must bt
naughty.-Harper's Bazaar.
s1 hear that Montgomery Montgomery
|, has taken his con out of college," 'Il
: sOh, no; but his teacher asked him t.
work out problem in mathematics ant
, he objected; said noue of his folks hat
1 ever worked out, and the father sustained
: the objection detroit Free Press.
! Fair Patron-Those morning-glories 20,
7 sold me are no use. Seedsman-What'
. the matter, ma'am? ''They never open.
: "Those seeds, mum, was imported direo
: from China, mum, and 1t bein' day owe
a there when it's night here, 1 suppose
!. mum, they do their bloomin' after you ge
!. to sleep."-New York Weekly.
y No Hurry.-Judge Wakefield of Waco
q Tex, has son of whom that judge is YER
J. proud He thinks the boy has a judicis
/ and ui11 orou nm tn "a oraa
o iurist. The boy is, however, very lazy.
i. few days ago the Judge said: "My des
d boy, why don't you study more industr
Is ousiyi want you to become great juris
y You have not touched your books to-day.
n '.pm not going to study any today" r,
,e sponded the indolent youth; 'T don't se
d that 1t makes much difference, pa, whetl
1t or become famous jurist few day
d sooner OF later."-Texas SifHngs.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09

cholera.
Eleanor Kirk says women should study
political economy. Yes, after they have
mastered domestic economy.
The negro appears to be doing pretty
we'll in Alabama He has managed to
scrape together there about $50, ZOO, 900.
The newspapers and the men who can
find any comfort in what they call the
political aspect of the terrible Homestead
tragedy must be queerly constructed.
A woman in Passaic has been talked into
insanity by two rival sewing machine men
who were struggling for her trade. 1t is
surprising that such incidents are 90 rare.
Silversmiths now counsel their patrons
to keep fine table silver in Canton flannel
rather than in WOOL. The explanation il
that the woollen fannels hitherto com
monty employed for this purpose are treat
ed, in the course of their production, will
sulphur, and enough of the latter clings tt
the flannel to tarnish the metal when it il
kept in flannel bags.
Score a good mark for Mrs. O-we-o
About six months ago an Indian namet
| O-we-o, of the Umatilla reservation in Ore
gon, was killed by railroad train. Som
time previous to his death he had bor
rowed $50 from a bank in Pendlston. Civ
ing his note secured by the name of an
other Indian, She-wa-wa. O-we-o's wife
Lucy, skinned dead sheep found on tn
ranges during the winter and spring, an
hustled hard in other ways until she ha
scraped together about $25. Last wee
she went to the bank and paid her hui
iband's note, and also insisted on payin
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
THE FLEETING SHOW.

Some of It's Facts and Fancies.
Written for the JOURNAL AND CoURIER.l
DIR. HOLMES IMPRESSION OF AN AFTERNOON
TEA
Can it be that our ''genial autocrat" is
growing severe in his old agea His wit
has ever been 80 playful, his criticism 30
kindly and refined, that we should be dis
mayed to find his shrewdness turning to
acidity. His description of an afternoon
tea which he had been inveigled into at
tending is very cruel, and bears heavily
upon the devotees of that important social
function. "It is giggle, gabble, gobble,
and-git," he said, and though we arc
told that the words were accompanied
queer good -humored twinkle in his ey
the alliterative irony of those G.'s m 1
ever rankle in the breasts of his hearers
DR.. Holmes has been distinguished not
only for remarkable facility, but fol
felicity of expression. If he will keep uI
the felicity end, always remembering tc
temper justice with mercy, and though he
may dazzle us with harmless heat light
ming will spare us such thunderbolts as
this, We will ever remain
His sincere and grateful
ADMIRERS
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09
EDITORIAL NOTES.

It is evident that the health authorities
in this country must be on the lookout for
cholera.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1892-07-09

Eleanor Kirk says women should study
political economy. Yes, after they have
mastered domestic economy.