The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1892-04-08
The Words Of therwax.


Distressful knowledge is that most per-
sistently sought after by the human family.
They absolutely search for what they don't
want to find.
Old man Weatherwax, having once been
inclined to take the flowing howl, his wife
is continually suspicious of any symptoms
pointing toward return to his cup. The
old mans reputation has been repaired but
she is always looking at the place of frac-
ture. SO last Monday evening after the vote
had been declared, he accepted cigar from
one of the successful candidates and saun-
tered along home In the cleaning, satisfied
with himself and the world in general.
When he a rived at his gate however and
opened 1t, pestiferous dog which was the
old mans special enemy, bowsed at him and
shot through the open gateway just as the
old man launched kick at him that was the
kick of ten. He didn't hit HIM. Ii he had
that dog would now be playing with the man
in the moon aid living on green cheese. AS
it was he escaped unhurt, but not so with
the old man. 1t strains man awfully to
kick and hit nothing and the old man spun
once and half around, staggered backward
and fell on the walk only few steps from
the door, with resounding thwack that
started the nails in their rusty nests.
iOOhinS OuO VI a NllluOW III lllt
darkness the old lady had seen the entire
performance minus the dog, and taking the
day in consideration she made up her mind
that the old man was inebrated.
''At it again, are you?" said she, walking
deliberately toward the old man who was in
fact terribly hurt and had just begun to re-
gain consciousness. "At it again! Oh, dear.
l wish l might dep
You hurt, wife?" asked the old man
looking up in dazed way.
'HurtP' she exclaimed, yes am hurt,
and hurt bad too"
johnny hurt?" continued the old man.
you are"
Terrible clap, wasn't it?" said the old
man, trying to collect his senses.
YES" said she, snappishly," from clear
sky. COme-get up"
The old man turned his head little and
began to sing softly Ppm go-wng home.
Pm gO-wing--hold on there! Don't
touch me. There amt a hull bone in my
body and l know it,"
"Get up! My! Whew! You smell like a
saloon. Get up" and she took him by the
coat collar in no gentle manner to assist
him. do you remember what will be the
fate of the finally impenitent"
Hell and ddmndtiOnp yelled the old
man, answering her question with more
force than piety. "Let up! Don't you see
Pm breaking to pieces?"
swearing again, of course. Come, see
II you can't stagger into the house."
Don't you dare to touch me-" said he
with rising ire. ''Jess keep your hands of.
Bury me where fell and plant a rose with
thorns on it at the head of my grave"
"Get up! I'd plant cabbage there if any
thing. Get up!' and the old lady stopped
down and putting her hands under his head
attempted to lift him to a sitting posture.
''He-l-l-p!" howled the old man. "G'way!
Look at your hands. You've finished me-"
Sure enough the old lady's hands were
covered with blood from little scratch on
his ear. 1t frightened her.
''Whyv and she gave a little scream,
'Josiah, DEAR are you really hurt"
'Hurt" he beloved. "Hurt! You must
be craven IDIOT S'pOsed l was lOOkin' to
see when the moon made change, eh? Think
I'd lay here like first mortgage on swamp
forty if felt frisky as frOg"
why, Josiah, l am awful sorry, but
thought maybe you had gone back again,
and"
"Y-a-a-s," broke in the old man, ''you are
always thinking and guessing, but you've
done me up now. You can go into full
with your four feet of widder's
weeds dragging arter you, and have swell
weddin' with your second husband, and
fourteen bridesmaids for all l care. All /
ask of you is to give the undertaken
chance. Lord! I'm dyin' now. Good bye.
hear the voices callin'"-
''No you don't. That's frogs ovet in the
lake." said the old woman sOothingly.
Ii, Iatta N,.xY
you into the house,"
''Never you mind" said the old man as
he gathered himself together and slowly re-
gained his feet. ''I'll take care of myself.
Get the arnica and camphOr bottle" and he
walked into the house as straight as a cob
and the old lady bathed his bruises and put
him in bed where he was soon wrapped in
-he arms of Morpheus and playing on his
.uneful catarrh. WARD.
Laingsburg, April Z, 1892.