Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-08-04
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Johclets that Are Supposed to
Havc Been Recently Born Sayings and
DoinXs that Are Od1- Curious and
LauShable.
Scissored Smiles.

Courier.
AN argument results from the col
liSiOn of two trains of thought. -
Washington Star.
THE first doctor of divinity is
understood to have been 0. Fiddle,
d. D.-Boston Transcript.
DON'T speak lightly of the gradu-
ate; he knows great deal that you
have forgotten. Elmira Gazette.
COUNTRY CHILD (who sees no nov
city in a park)-"What is all the grass
for?" City Child THAT'S to keep
off of."--Good News.
CABBY, what's the shortest way to
get to Oxford street," The cabman,
pointing to his vehicle, There it is,
sir. "-TidBits
JAGsoN says it is strange nobody
ever finds out what the wild waves
are saying, although ever so many so
to sea.-Elmira Gazette.
You are not in the swim at Topeka
unless you are asked to carry greasy
doughnuts to at least two surprise
parties week.-Atchison Globe.
THE Hon. Eclat Jones Orator OF
the day)-Feller citizens, it has been
said dat l writes my orations de-
nOunce de 'cuSation as false and SLAM
derous. Feller citizens, l KANT
write.-Harper's Bazaar.
FIRST SEASIDE GIRL-There's u
great man-eating shark down on the
beach, dead. What do you suppose
killed him? Second Seaside Girl
Starvation, probably, if he was 4
man-eating shark-Life.
LITTLE SADIE-Oh, Uncle Harry,
Miss Brown and Mr.. Swift are in the
parlor, and she has her head on his
shoulder. Uncle Harry-That's all
right. She has a lien on him.
Fields Washington.
UNCLE TREEToP-I've got an
achin' old snag I've been waitin six
weeks ter git jerked out. DR.. Brown
eyes-Will you take gas? Uncle
Treetop-1 hain't much used ter gas.
Can't We use kerosene?-Judge.
WHEN you see a counterfeit coin
on the sidewalk, always pick it up.
You are liable to arrest if you try to
pass it.
ONE can't judge of the average
boys intellect by the little evidence
of mind" he gives when his mother
speaks to him. Philadelphia Times.
BoY-Is this instrument called
fiddle or a violin? Professionalism
l blay it it's violin; when you blay
it it's fiddle. - Street & Smiths
Good News.
"WoULD you like some garden
hose?" said the clerk in the general
supply store. mo, thanks" was the
answer; II ginrally goes in bare
footed to do my weedin'. Washing
ton Star.
MAUD, run over to Mrs. De
Swelle's and tell her her chimney is
on fire." 81 can't papa. This is
Wednesday. and Mrs. De Swelle's
day is Thursday. I'll go tomorrow "
-Harper's Bazaar.
THEATER- GoER-The love scene in
your play isn't half so natural as it
used to be last season. The same
people do it, too. Manager es;
but the lovers were married a few
months ago.-Tid-Bits
HIRAM DALY-Mrs. Grant imports
all her servants. Biddles Kip
Doesn't that infringe the law?
Hiram Daly-I don't know. She
probably thinks they should come in
free, as raw materials.
MERCY" exclaimed Mrs. Home
spun, when she read in the paper
that Jay Gould made 10 cents every
time the clock licked. Il should
think he'd be worried TO death for
fear the clock would run down. -Bos-
ton Transcript.
TEACHER Gn mineralogy Glass;
"Johnny, give me the name OF the
largest known diamond" johnny
1.-The ace. Jewellers Weekly.
GRACE-"Miss Passe will catch
cold if she sits on the piazza much
longer" Rosalie-"No, she won t.
She's been trying for years to catch
something. Judge.
"How DO you do?" said mammals
caller to little Fay. Il don't do any
thing now" answered Fay. Its
vacation, and mamma said / could
have rest. "-Harper's Young People.
A MAN need not be constantly i'm
proving in health. If he is holding
his own in mosquito country he is
doing above the average. -Picayune.
WHEN you see the soprano and the
alto of the church choir holding an
animated conversation you cannot be
dead certain that the bass is not the
tenor of it.-Binghamton Leader.
A VEXING PRoBLEM.-"How do you
like it in the West?" Not very we'll.
It took too much attention to find
out just when to throw up your hands
and when to lay down your hands. -
Puck.