Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1892-05-21
THE BIRTHDAY OF JONES.
His Wife Prepares Some Little Birthday
Gifts for Him.

"Jeptha," said Mrs. Jones in a little,
waydown voice that sounded soft and
squeaky, to-day is your birthday, and you
know | always give you birthday pres
ent."
Yes, Maria, - answered Mr.. Jones hast-
ly, "but you needn't mind any this year,
| still have the box of cigars that you gave
me on my last anniversary"
There was cake of French soap, 100,
and shaving mug, Jeptha," insisted Mrs.
j., in hurt tone.
'Oh, yes I've used the soap every day,
and its shadow hasn't grown less yet as !
can see. The shaving mug / broke-acc-
dentally of course"
"Oh, of COURSE" chirped Mrs. Jones.
"You don't suppose l thought you broke
it on purpose? Well, dear, this time I've
bought you-now guess"
slippers, suspenders, a footrest, smok-
ing jacket, slumber robe, manicure set
"Oh, no, no." interrupted Mrs Jones. 81
knew you would never guess. Look there,
Jeptha," and Mrs. Jones laid in Mr. Jones'
unwilling arms package of something
metallic and long, narrow box.
He opened the box first and dragged out
four long strips of silk, lined and wadded,
each of a different color.
what are these, Maria?' asked the un
happy man, moved by premonition of woe
"Four-in-handsl / made them myself
You can wear one at a time or all four at
once, just as you like Amt they awfully
SWEET"
But, good heavens, Maria, they are
made of women's goodsl Men don't veal
that kind of stuff-no man living could tie
one," said Jones, mentally wondering if
one of them would bear his wretched
weight.
"Oh, they'll do" said Mrs. Jones cheer
fully. you are too particular, Jeptha,
dear. Now undo the package" And she
retreated toward the door in such a man
ner that Jones wondered whether it were
dynamite.
But she only did that to get better van
tage ground from which to observe his de-
light when he saw the piece de resistance
of his natal day.
1t opened up well, as three leaved shay
ing mirror with a patent attachment
shave himself.
"Well, that is quite scheme" said
Jones complacently; you've hit it this
time, Maria How does it work."
"Why, you put this self adjusting shelf
under your chin, and this strap over your
head, and that brings the mirror around
your face so that you can see both sides at
once, and of course the razor is inside in
your hand, and you fasten this catch and
it fits as snug as helmet. Great inven-
ton, isn't it?"
At that moment the doorbell rang and
Mrs. Jones was called out of the room to
see company.
Jones studied himself and thought he
was pretty good looking man. He
mapped out diagram for his next shave
and examined a new mole that appeared
in a constellation under his left ear. Then
he began to perspire and concluded to lay
aside the adjustable mirror.
Mrs. Jones a half hour later was talking
to her caller, when a strange noise was
heard up stairs.
at must be the cat she said and lis
tened a moment.
Sounds like some one in distress" said
her company, as she rose.
"Maria" called smothered voice.
Maria, help, m-u-r-d-e-r"
Mrs. Jones rushed up the stairs and as
soon as she saw Mr.. Jones she began to
laugh Historically.
"Take off the Internal thing'' he shouted
as he cavorted around the room with his
head fastened in its cage Of glass and steel,
Keep still l can't find the combina-
tion," gasped Mrs. Jones. "Oh, Jeptha,
you do look so FUNNY"
But Mr.. Jones was in no mood to be tri-
fled with, and by the time Mrs. Jones had