davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19
Cute RepIIes.

Hero are some quaint definitions
given by children and collected by
Rev. w. F. Crafts:
aWhat does backbiter mean2''
"PIease, sir, it may be flea"
Blacksmith shop-sThe place
where they make horses. 1 saw a
man mailing on the last foot of
one"
Horse-"An animal with four
legs, one on each corner.n
Iee-aWater that went to sleep
in the cold"
Little sins-@I didn't break any
of the commandments, but l guess
1 cracked some of them"
Nest egg-aThe one the old hen
measures by"
Seasons-A teacher inquired of
the members of class Of children
ifany of them could name the four
seasons. Instantly the chubby hand
of six-year-old was raised. and
promptly came the answer: aPep-
per, salt, vinegar and mustard"
stars-aThe eggs the moon has
laid"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19

GENTLEMAN: understand you re
going to marry an heiress, 'Rastus.
'Rastus: Yes, sab. Miss John
sing am repo'ted to have fo'ty-seben
dollahs in de bank, sab.
Gentleman: Is it a love match
on her part, 'Rastus2
Rastus: l doan 'spects hit is, sab.
1t am well established fac dat my
gran'muudder wah a muse fo'
Geo'ge Washington, sab. SO mar
ries Miss Johnsing 70 her monney
an she marries me 70 my blood.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19
The Old CoustItutIon.

The Constitution originally car
ried forty fourguns. a particularly
interesting history is connected with
this ship. During the war with the
Brbary powers in 1903 she was
Commodore Preble's flagship in the
Mediterranean and played a con-
spicuous part during the wole war.
Lieutenant Wadswortb, who was
blown up before Tripoli in the ill
fated Intrepid, was one of the Off
GERS of the Constitution. In the
course of the war with England in
1872 the English papers laughed at
the Constitution and spoke of her
as "a bundle of pine boards sailing
under bit of striped bunting" !"
But when under Captain Hull she
captured the English frigate, the
Guerriere, vessel of nearly equal
force, the people who had before
ridiculed her called her zone of the
stanchest vessels afoat." A few
months after this victory the Con,
stitution, then commanded by Cap
tain Bainbridge, compelled one o.
the finest frigates in the British
navy, the Java, to strike its coIors
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19


You wish to render your boy in
DEPENDENT Then give him a trade
The professions are overcrowded.
Look at the increasing numbers Of
those who are studying for the law,
the ministry, or the medical profess
sion. Count the numbers Of doctors,
lawyers, and ministers who can
barely eke out an existence. Scru-
tinize the advertising columns of
any of our newspapers and see the
overwhelming number of those who
seek employment, having nothing
to offer but willing hands and feet,
ordinary intelligence, and very lit
tie education. Just look at the
army of clerks and so-called book
keepers constantly Offering their
services; indeed. Il would Be more
trutIluI l0'say begging Tor employ
ment at anything that offers. These
are the direct consequences of an
overcrowding in those employments
which do not require knowledge of
any mechanical trade It is not so
bad where these boys have parents
with means who can help them,
but when they have nothing but
what they can earn, it would be
well if false pride and prejudice
were made to give way to their true
interests. The age needs intelli-
gent, well-trained mechanics. And
see how they progressl 1t is not
necessary here to excite examples
of living men, who, after having
thoroughly learned a mechanical
trade, have by industry, economy,
brains and force of character, lifted
themselves into enviable positions
of business success, honor, wealth,
and trust. There are plenty who,
from small beginnings, have attain
ed success. All work is honorable
and ennobling. The good mechanic
is always in demand; he lays the
real foundation of business success
and his industry is an absolute
necessity to the capitalists. The
old objection that the mechanic
lacks refinement is invalid. He is
not excluded from true culture, and
if many of those who now make the
mistake of studying an Improbable
profession should learn trade in
stead and determine to lead re-
fined life, it will not be long before
even this somewhat imaginary re-
reproach is taken away. It is not
advisable that all should rush into
the trades; but the fact remains that
they offer a good Livelihood, steady
employment, and fortune for those
who have the patience and industry
to find it.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19
A Famous EuIogy.

OF all eulogies in literature there
is none more beautiful than the fol-
lowing upon Gen. Robert E. Lee.
1t fell from the silver tongue of that
eloquent Georgian, Senator Benja-
min FL. Hill, and is said to have
been extempore.
"When the future historian comes
to survey the character of Lee, he
will find it rising like huge noun
tain above the undulating plain OF
humanity and he will have to lift
his eyes high toward heaven to
catch its summit. he possessed
every virtue of the other great com
manders without their vices. He
was a foe without hate, friend
without treachery, soldier without
cruelty and a victim without mur-
muring. He was a public officer
without vices, a private citizen
without wrong, neighbor without
reproach, a Christian without hy-
pocrisy, and man without guilt.
BE was Caesar without his ambition,
Frederick without his tyranny, Ma
poleon without his selfishness and
Washington without his reward,
He was as obedient to authority as
a true king. He was as gentle as a
woman in life, pure and modest as
a virgin in thought, watchful as q
Roman vestal in duty, submissive
to law as Socrates, and grand in
battle as Achilles.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19
DIetion and Diet.

"I hain't got nothing for you.'
she said, as she opened the door in
response to frank double knock,
and found on the step a man with
soiled epidermis tattered clothes,
and hair, and whiskers of wild
anarchistic appearance.
81 am glad to hear that, madam, .
replied the tramp, cheerfulIy.
"Hey2"
u said / was glad to hear that
you had something for me. 1 know
too, that it is something good, for
such fair danghter of Eve would
not set before a hungry wayfarer
anything but the most apetizing of
viands."
81 said l hadn't got nothing for
You, Fepsaiedathe woman
"Just so, and, as you probably re-
member, if you will let your mind
run back year or two, to the time
when you were sweet girl gradu-
ate as Tennyson so sweetly calls
the maidenly seekers after knowl-
edge in the female colleges which
bless this generation-if, / say, you
will recall your grammar of those
happy days of girlhood, you will
remind yourself that two negatives
make an affirmative. When, there
fore, you say you haven't got moth
ing for me, you really say that you
have something. 1t is this recog-
milton of the subleties of our lam
guage which makes me rejoice in
anticipation of the repast you are
about to set before me-"
al hain't got anything for you,"
said the woman; using only one
negative with painful distinctness.
"Then, my good woman," the
tramp proceeded, AT must arrive
at the conclusion that 1 was wrong
in attributing to you college edu-
cation and training. 1t pains me
that my perceptive powers have
failed in this instance. 1 thought /
recognized in you a cultured Amer
ican woman, OF whom her country
and her husband may well be proud,
but was wrong"
Il hain't got anything for you.
Will you move on, now, an be
quick about it2''
"Do not hurry me, my good wo-
man. When L find such gross
misuse of language as 1 have just
now happened upon, 1 deem it my
duty. as peripatetic stickler for
the niceties of the grammar of our
excellent English tongue, to point
out the fagrant errors. / make no
charge whatever for this instruc-
tion. I give it as labor of love to
those who through misfortune or
carelessness have been deprived of
the advantage of our higher insti-
tutions of learning. Now, my good
woman, when you say, al hain't-"
"Here, Tigel" called out the wo-
man, in a voice which over-lapped
the next county.
AS the large and earnest-looking
bulldog came up, with cheerful
willingness, the woman observed to
the Professor of Language:
you've been criticizin' my gram
mar pretty freely. See what you
think of the way Tige has of ex-
pressing hisseIf."
81 should like to" said the tramp,
as he moved toware the gate; abut
l have a pressing engagement with
the President OF Yale College, and
must hasten on.p
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19
A Woman's Good Name.

Many people who would rccoil
with horror from cutting human
creatures throat, which really does
not hurt very much and only lasts
a moment, will murder woman 5
good name without remorse or COM
junction; and that hurts worse than
death for lifetime. It's a meaner
crime than murder, writes Robert
J. Burdette in his department in
the April Ladies Home Journal.
We cry out, and rightly, too, against
the sensational and depraving habit
of making heroes of robbers and
cut-throats- It is horrible thing
to do. And yet 1 have less hatred
and loathing for the late Jesse
James than l have for some people
who have never been convicted of a
capital crime, but whose tongues,
we know, are worse than any knife
that ever severed a human juguIar.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19
Refuses to be His Own Grandfather.

heIuses TO be His Own Grandfather.
William Harman, resident OF
TitusviIle, committed suicide a few
days ago from melancholy con-
viction that he was his own grand
father. Hero is the singular letter
that he left: 81 married a widow
with a grown-up daughter. My
father visited our house very often,
fell in love with my stepdaughter
and married her. So my father be-
came my son-in-law, and my stop
daughter my mother, because she
was my fathers wife. Some time
afterward my wife had son-he
was my fathers brother-in-law and
my uncle, for he was the brother OF
my stepmother. My fathers wife,
i. e., my stepdaughter, had also a
son; he was, of course, my brother
and in the meantime my grandchiId,
for he was the son of my daughter.
My wife was my grandmother, be-
cause she was my mothers mother
l was my wife's husband and grand
child at the same time. And as the
husband of a persons grandmother
is his grandfather, 1 was my owr
grandfather
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19
ExempIIfying a ProTerb.

@Did you ever go to war, boss2"
inquired a tramp of a farmer.
No, sir. 1 did not. I have enough
to do looking after my hogs.D
@Thank Heaven fervently ejac-
ulated the tramp.
ewhat forq'' asked the astonished
granger.
Because / have at last met the
man who really believes that the
pen is mightier than the sword
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19

Two Irishmen who were travel
ing together ran out of money, and
being in want of some whiskey, de-
yised the following ways and means
to obtain It:
Patrick, catching a frog out of
brook, went ahead, and at the very
first tavern he came to asked the
landlord what sort of acraiture''
it was. ait is frog replied the
landlord. "No, sir" said Pat, ait is
a mouse" ait is a frog" reiter-
ated the landlord. Its a mousse"
said Pat, "and will leave it to be
decided, for pint of whiskey, by
the first traveller that comes along
agreed" said the landlord.
Murphy soon arrived, and to him
was the appeal made. After much
examination and deliberation, he
declared it to be mouse; and the
landlord, in spite of the evidence Of
his senses, paid the bet
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19

Whatever the pride of rank, OF
riches or of scholarship may have
induced some people to believe, or
to affect to believe, the real strength
and all the resources of the country
ever have sprung, and ever must
spring, from the labor ofits people.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19

Love always looks on the bright
side, and always finds a bright
side to look on.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1892-04-19

Miss Antique-Why do you go
around telling people look as old
as Methuselah2
Miss Freshton-I don't and I
never did. I haven't anything
against Methuselah.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1892-07-29
SnecImen Cases.

S. II. Clifford, New Cassel, Wis, was
troubled with Neuralgia and Rheuma-
tism, his Stomach was disordered, his
Liver was affected to an alarming de-
gree; appetite fell away, and ne was
brae of ~ Fentrc eS a Rittsrs
him. Edward Shepherd, Harrisburg,
is sound and well. John Speaker, Cat
awaba, o., had FIVE large fever sores on
tirely. Sold by Grant Holden s. Bros,
Drug store.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1892-07-29
MarrIed-

Miss Hannah Roe and Samuel Doe were
married in neighboring village last week:
Among the wedding presents was a bottle of
Parmelee's Dyspepsia, Kidney and Liver Cure
from thoughtful friend who had given ii a
thorough trial and knew its great worth for the
cure of Dyspeptic attacks, and who knew how
necessary ii was for domestic happiness that
such complaints should be prevented. You can
buy bottle OF this valuable and effective remedy
of your druggist
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1892-07-29
The SuninJulv

Is very trying TO the complexion of many
ladies'. Freckles. pimples tan and sunbuTn are
removed and the complexion freshened by the
use OF Hamilton's Oriental Balm. Absolutely
harmless to the skin. 80 cents.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1892-07-29
GENTLEMEN A WORD WITEI YOU.

There is no reason why your rs should spend so
much clothes. We are Offering The Best Goods,
The Latest Styles, The Prett!est Patterns at prices
that are within the reach of all.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1892-07-29
yoR GENTLEMEN ou,v

Now we have gwen you warning if you persist in
reading on, why don't say didn't tell you not to.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1892-07-29
WOMEN are Always Happy

when saving money in Bargains. ;
better and be happier after bu!
goods.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13
The goose HANGS HIGH" No
LONGER.

"a mistake that is very generally
made" said General Rosecrans to a
Washington Post man, sis in the
popular phrase, Everything is lovely
and the goose hangs high Now
this is entirely wrong, 1t should
read, Everything is lovely and the
goose honks high The saying orig
mated away up in the northern states,
where in rainy, foggy or stormy
weather 1t is a well known fact that
the geese fly low-skimming along
over the very house tops. In fine
and pleasant weather you will re-
member that they fly in long strings,
so high in the heavens that their pc
culiar cry, 'Honk, honk,' can scarcely
be heard on the earth below, hence
the old saying that everything is
lovely when the goose 'hOnks high
and not 'hangs high which is a most
nonsensical perversion of the origi-
nal old New England saying"
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13
worlds FAIR MATTERS.

In response to the call for meet
ing of the ladies of San Miguel coun-
ty interested in Worlds far mat
tiers, large number met yesterday
afternoon at the reading room. The
meeting was called to order by Mrs
p. Carpenter and Miss Mary 'IIenry
was chosen chairman and Mrs. j. A
Carruth secretary of the meeting.
The object of the meeting was to re-
organize the ladies of the county ac-
cording to the manner set forth in
the resolution adopted by the terri
torial board of managers at their
meeting at Las Cruces, April 9th,
1892. The financial committee of
the county was then organized by
the election of the following officers ;
Mrs. p Carpenter, president; Miss
Henry, vice president; Mrs w. ii.
Kelly, corresponding secretary; Mrs.
f. L. Olney, recording secretary;
Mrs. NJ. j. tavenaugh, treasurer;
Mrs. Benigno Romero, I'd vice pres
ident; Mrs. Higgins, Sd vice presi-
dent; Miss Aurelia Baca, 4th vice
president; and Mrs. DIR. Rice, 9Th
vice president.
1t was moved and seconded that
the chairman appoint committee of
three to draw up a constitution and
bylaws for the county organization;
carried. The following ladies were
appointed, and asked to report at the
next meeting: Mrs. Judge Long, Mrs.
Studebaker and Mrs. Higgins.
The various chairmen appointed
by Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Albright
are TO retain their positions, and the
vacancies of the chairs in the commit
tee on "Filigree Jewelry, Precious
Stones, etc, and the committee on
preserved Fruits, etc." were filled
by the appointment Of Mrs. j. w
Bartlett to the first and Mrs. Trad
Cochran to the latter.
A committee OF three was APP
pointed to draw up a resolution OF
thanks TO the territorial board aud
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13
A SQUARE MEAL.

An unpublished story of General
Grant was told today at the Grand
Pacific hotel by Paul Cores. 81 was
steward at the Palmer house," he
said, "when the ex-president stopped
there on his return from the tour of
the world. One noon / was all but
stupefied to see General Grant creep
in at the door as though escaping
from someone.
al am sorry to trouble YOU he
said, as though asking a great favor,
'but may l have little corned beef
and cabbage?'
"WhY certainly 1 replied, but
shall l not send it to your dining
room?
NO. he answered, I'll eat il right
here, if you let me sit down at this
table
$50 | cleared away place on the
sideboard table, where the cooks had
been fixiag the meat, drew him up a
stool, and the way he got away with
that corned beef and cabbage made
my eyes bulge. When he had fin
ished, he laid down his knife and
fork with funny sign of satisfaction,
put one hand on my shoulder, and
said: Young man, l suppose you
don't care for that at all, but if you
had had to eat what l have for the
past few months it would taste like
dinner for the gods The poor
fellow had dined with every one
from the queen down, and that cab
bage in my kitchen did him more
good than all the rest together"
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13
An ANSWER THAT WILL NEVER CONE

A shocking story is told by the
Washington Post of the fate which
befell one of those ''leap year" let
tiers which have been burdeniDg post
men of late. 1t was addressed to a
certain young man who either has no
sentiment in his soul, or that senti-
ment is remarkably under the control
of his commercial instinct. For,
without puzzling his brain as to what
city dame he should return her "bow
of red" or show of blue" indicating
that to her his "heart was dead" or
his "heart was true" he straightway
sealed the whole letter in another
c nyelope an d dispatched it to his
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13
|)gD.E our lagglgt Industries

A few evenings since our report
er's attention was called TO the beau
tifully Illuminated buildings of the
Smith Premier Typewriter works on
Clinton street, and upon investiga-
ton found that owing to a large in
crease in business they were obliged
to run twelve hours a day, operating
between 800 and 400 employees. Con-
sidering the rapid growth of the
business referred to it is very appa-
rent to the proprietor that it will be
absolutely necessary during the sum
mer months to build another factory,
and in fact the plans are nearly ar
ranged for the construction of new
building cf dimensions 60Xl40 feet,
seven stories high. This new struc-
ture, in addition to the present build
ings, which have every nook and cor
ner filled with operatives, will admit
of working at least 600 people, and
if the business continues to increase
in the future as it has in the past it is
very certain that the company at no
distant day will require all the type
writers that 600 operatives can pro
duce. We are informed that no other
typewriter manufacturers in the state
at present are pressed to fill their or
ders to the extent that they are
obliged to work NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Journal, March u.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

Secretary Noble has rendered a
decision in the case of the heirs of
William Bond and others VS.. Deming
town site. Motion by the Rio
Grande q Pacific railroad company
for review of previous departmental
decision on the above case, involving
track at Las Cruces, N. NJ, land dis
trict, which hold in favor of the town
site claimants. Held, that nothing
new has been shown in support of
motion, and it IS therefore denied.
Assistant Secretary Chandler has
rendered decision in case of Walter
VS.. Miller. App al from commission
er's decision, holding for cancellation
Mlller's homestead entry for Santa
Fe, N. NJ, land district, contested by
Walter. Decision reversed, contest
dismissed and Miller's entry allowed
to stand.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

A COW kicked over a kerosene lamp
and in a few hours Chicago was in
ashes. Somebody threw the stump
of cigarette among lot of cotton
in New Orleans and $3,0OO,OOO worth
of property was swept away. The
coal oil lamp still holds the champi'
onship, but the cigarette has done
quite well for its size.-Minneapolis
Tribune.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

The people of Chloride held a
mass meeting few days ago, to DIS
cuss the prospects and provide ways
and means to secure the extension of
the Magdalena branch railroad to
that town.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13
One Pure Baking Powder.
Like Telling a Secret.

story is told and is true story that seventy
per of all the baking powders sold contain either alum
ammonia and many of these powders contain BOTH The
i'll effects upon the system of food raised by alum
mia powders the dangerous because of their nsdous
character 1t would be less dangerous for people
fatal once for then such food would be avoided but their
baneful action because mpercpblc first and slow in its
advances is no less certain.
Dr. Prices Cream Baking Powder is declared by all
authorities free from alum ammonia any other adul
terant purity been questioned and while il
does finer and work it retail than
many Of the adulterated powders
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

The London Times is getting
scared on the silver question and
says that the amount of bullion this
country is buying will soon bank
rupt the English investors in India.
1t is proper for the New York pa
pers to come out now and suggest
some plan to help out their English
friends, as the Americans who live
on the west side of the Allegheny
mountains are a set of barbarians
who should be set down on and all the
assistance possible given to the fell
lows who live in Europe.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

1t is rumored that Frank King, of
the Colorado Railway Construction
company, is to receive the appoint
ment of chief engineer of the. El
Paso short line.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

New Mexico and Texas must CO
operate with Colorado in the silver
league movement. Santa Fe, Albu-
querque, Las Vegas and FL Paso
should be in the movement-Den-
yer News.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

Mr.. NJ. Salazar, the same to be
printed IN the FREE Press, Optic
and La Voz del Pueblo, and copies
of the same to be sent to Mr.. Salazar
and to the territorial board.
Adjourned to meet April 80, 1902.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

The postuGi,e at Johnson is en-
braccd on the route Las Vegas to
Fort Bascom, y VI, and service cur
tailed 10 end at Liberty, emitting
Fort Bascom from April ls.
Las Vegas free press. (East Las Vegas, N.M.) 1891-1???, 1892-04-13

The first state to instruct for
Cleveland and declare against the
"dishonest dollar" was little Rhody.
Result; The Democratic plurality
of the past two years has disappear.
ed-Denver News.