The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1892-06-16

george II. vending, the lecturer. says
that while he was delivering his address on
Stonswall Jackson in Kansas City some
time & when he reached the point where
Bee. driven back by the Union advance,
called to his men, Rally behind the Vir-
Rinians; there stands Jackson like a stone
WALL" a man in the gallery rose up his
face on fire with enthusiasm, and shouted,
''Glory to God!" As he shouted he seized
his hat and sent it sailing over the
audience, and in an instant. to quote the
time-honored phrase. pandemonium reign
cd. For five minutes the audience cheered
and yelled with q vigor that ratified both
Vending and the windows.
Harvard Lampoon: Circus man (hunt-
ing for a stray elephant)-Have you seen a
strange animal round here2
Irishmsn-Begorra, OF have that; there
was an ininr rubber bull around here pullin'
carrots wild his tail.
An Irish peasant brought a litter of kit
tens to 9 Protestant vicar in \ certain town
in county Wicklow, requesting him to pur-
chase them, says the London Spectator.
The vicar declined. "Yonr r]iverence, they
are good Protestant Kittens" urged Paddy.
but his reverence remained obdnrate. A
few days after tho Roman Catholic priest
(who had in the meantime been informed
Of the offer to his brother clergyman was
approached. and on his refusing 10 make u
purchase the would-be seller urged a sale.
"sure. father dear, they are good Catholic
kittens."
"But how is this, my man1" replied the
priest. lyon said a day OF I've ago they
were good Protestant Kittens"
"And 80 they were" said the peasant,
'but their eyes weren't opened"
Here is another ] heard in Ireland recent
ly: A quarrel had taken place at a f air
and a cuiprit was being sentenced for man
slaughter. The doctor. however, had given
evidence to show that the victims skull
ing asked if he had anything to say fol-
himself, replied: "No, yer honor. but !
would ask, WAS that a skull for a man to ca
to A fair wid?"
AS instances OF pure humor these, how
ever. do not surpass the story of the Scotch
boatman, who, while crossing a loch. was
asked il he would take some water with his
whisky, and replied: INA, there was q
horse drooned at the head O. the loch tws
years ago." The head of tho loch was
~twenty-four miles distant.
Kate Fields WashinQton: Jack (bash-
fully)-If l asked you for u kiss would you
be angry?
Amy (uaively)-Yes, il you asked nj
for it.
The benefit of carrying religion to the
African in his native wilds is badly illus
trated in the religious outbreak that hal
set France and England by tho ears. On,
tribe has been converted by Protestant
missionaries and another by Catholics
When they met they proceeded to sill
threats n belabor each other, just az tn,
people of Europe had a habit of doing
century or two ago.. They appeared to hav'
eujoved on both sides the advice and aotiv,
assistance of white bigo.s who might vel
Pioneer Press.
Gen. Topper and Gen. Daley are the tw
Oldest pensioners on the rolls of the Ne,
York pension Office and two of the Oldest il
the United States, although pensioners or
proverbially long-lived. They are veteran
of 1912.
A bashful and youthful bridal coupl
from the rural districts had q painful exps
rience at Danbury CIRCUS day. says th
New Haven Register. The young husban'
wrote his W name and his wifs's on sepa
rate lines of the hotel register. and the pul
blind clerk assigned them to ssparat