The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1892-06-24
The Greatest Effort OF Massachusetts,.

| ITCdtCSJ VI OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
For the true humor OF liquor legislation
we always look to Massachusetts,. Maine
does we'll in that direction. but Maine Is
too severely logical to be regarded as
q humorist. Under tho constant nag
ging kept up by that illustrious old
oinophoblst. Gen. NEAL Dow. Maine SOL
| ders statutes with amendments. and do
vises new pains and penalties against the
| utterers OF rum: but all this despotism
| OF legislation Is corrected by tho open.
| booming barrooms of Bangor and Bidde-
| ford and Lewiston. 1t may be said that in
this incongruity between tho purpose and
effect OF the Maine prohibition legislation.
there Is the basic element OF humor; but
to say so Is TO forget that according to
most definitions surprise is ON element
| Of humor. Now. obviously. IL the Maine
liquor laws were enforced. there would be
surprise OF the largest diameter. and.
consequently. q rich harvest OF humor.
But no such surprise has ever yet been
found. Intrinsically. and on the face OF the
statute book. the liquor laws Of Maine are
not ridiculous. They arc founded upon
principles which most persons cannot ac-
cept: but the gradations and progressions
OF their delusion are sufficiently regular.
Far otherwise Is 1t with the attempts at
liquor legislation made by the Great and
General Court OF Massachusetts. Maine
Is q prohibition State which seeks.
however vainly. to prohibit tho sale of
strong waters. Massachusetts Is local
option State. which devotes much thought
and study to devising means OF an
noying persons who are unfortunate
enough to have license for carry
Ing on the liquor business. It Is not so
much horror Of the liquor business that in
spires the Massachusetts legislators as 1t Is
the innate and unmitigable desire. present
ever In the Massachusetts bosom. to inter-
fcre with somebody else's business. II
there were no juice OF tho grape and the
still. the Massachusetts General Court
would probably seek to regulate by statute
the number and quality OF tho meals which
citizen should have In day. Tho efficacy
OF legislation and tho need for o good deal
OF 1t are firm tenets Of the Massachusetts
Legislative Mind: and Death and the East
Wind are perhaps the only objects which it
deems deaf to statutes. Wo believe that
there Is as yet no positive consti-
tutional prohibition OF thirst In the
oChoVs Duo NoAlouo uuulOIOuS
at restriction OF the assuagement of
thirst have boon made. Thus 1t Is
still illegal in Massachusetts, we think,
to have thirst after II p NJ. IN hour re-
garded by tho natives OF Toad Hill and
Fatnuck as OF unparalleled intempestivity.
little while ago tho Massachusetts,
Legislature tried to make drinking odious
by compelling the drinker to sit down and
make himself at home. a kind Of regulation
which ono con imagine Master FRANCOIS
RABELA1s laying down for tho Abbey OF
ThelGmer. AS soon as the Legislators
found that this law was welcomed by per-
SONS with gift for serious inhibition, it
was repealed. Tho nero fact that it was
Intellectual. idiotic. and unduly restrictive
OF the habits Of the citizen. was nothing.
There is Law and Order Society
which exists largely for tho purpose of say
Ing how many times Massachusetts,
man may get drunk In year:
and by It's efforts statute Tor
that purpose was passed. and Is still In tho
bright bloom OF It's freshness: and there arc
officials called probation officers, we be-
lieve. whose duty 1t Is to examine tho rec
ords and noses Of the gentlemen culled for
tho cooler. and to give thom q recommends
ton or a INSTRUMENTATION before the
Police Judge. or course, certain amount
OF injustice is done under these provisions.
rounder or revolving light. for instance.
may be brought up on seven successive
days rs separate drunk" while on his
own Intention and on strict legal mnthe-
mates that week Is only part OF ono undi-
vided aid lndivisible whole.
The Massachusetts Legislature which
came to an unregretted end last week.
passed what is one OF tho most humorous
liquor bills on record This was /" an act to
promote temperance by the suppression of
the liquor saloon and tho tippllng shop;"
and 1t proposes to promote and suppress In
the following manner: 1t prohibits tho
keeping and sale Of liquor to DO drunk on
the premises. In any room. building. or place
where the sale Of liquor Is the exclusive or
principal business carried on" In other
words. man who wants to sell LIQUOR I'M
der tho provisions Of this bill would have to
keep "a taxidermist' sshop. or II barbor's shop,
or beanery. or Culture Talk Exchange, or
Tolstoi Club. or IN undertaking establish
ment. or n HARRISON campaign badge man
ufactory. or some other commercial or liter
buying or selling or talking for literary or
philanthropic purposes should be his voca-
ton and welding the spigot his avocation
His liquor selling would have to DO Incl
dental, This. 1t seems to us. Is about tho
funniest product OF the Massachusetts
genius. liquor store seems to be tho nat
ural place for keeping and selling liquor; at
least 1t seems 80 to the unregeuerste
mind II the principles OF this bill should
prevail. and be applied to business gener-
ally. 1t might become unlawful In Massa-
chusetts to keep eggs except in hardware
store. or to expose gingerbread save in n
drug shop. The sale of newspapers might
be made incidental to laundry. and soap
be prohibited except In strict connection
with pie baking.
Once establish the position taken so
magniiicently by tho legislative mind OF
Massachusetts that liquor store is o
place where li0nor shall NOT he ooId ~