The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1892-08-19
VOL. XXXVII---NO. "a.

WI
A shrek went up all around the ia
BILE as | nopped up the thickest of the
stuffing with my handkerchief, but i
was so mad then | would have carved
that fowl or died in the attempt.
| My face was SO sizzling hot that the
Kissing of the sweet chicken fat on it
sounded like tea kettle boiling over
on II redhot stove. But | kept on
chopping and gouging away with all
the fury of despair.
Even then that Internal hen would
not lie still, but kept jumping around
like frog with the nightmare One
minute she would be wallowing around
in the napkin in my lap, and the
| next in the middle of the table-cloth.
kicking the contents of the potato
dish in every direction with her dia-
! bolical drumsticks
But at last | succeeded. I hacked
off a wing for Laura, broke the neck
off for Alice. and dug out one leg and
| gave it to Ella, who said, as she took
it :.r.,.s
Thank you, Mr. Smith, and the
Lord too, that you finally succeeded
in killing that chicken before she got
! away from You entirely and flew out
of the window.
had carried my point and all the
wealth of the Astors wouldn't have
induced me to stay longer among the
giggling girls.
| hurriedly explained to them as |
left the table that felt la grippe com
ing on and would have to 60 home i'm
np6i faly- and Sand for tha lno+a,.
Alice said she thought ! had looked
terribly pale for more than an hour
As passed out through the dining
room door | gave last, hasty glance
at the battle-scarred body of my con-
quered antagonist. Her mangled form
looked as if she had died in railroad
wreck, or been bombarded by gang
OF nihilist dynamiters but as | left
the scene her remaining drumStick
seemed TO point after me like finger
of scorn.
spent all the rest of that dreadful
day washing the chicken stuiiing OF
my best clothes, and thought / had
succeeded i'll removing every trace of
my struggle with that obstinate fowl
But when j had occasion to use
my handkerchief at church the next
Sunday pulled out two fried oysters
and lot of bread crumbs with it, and
it looked as if it had last been used in
hopping out soap factory.
If the papers should happen, before
long, to have an account of a murder
in our village by young man named
Smith, it will be pretty safe to infer
that some fool has been asking ME
how to carve a chicken. And if l ever
again see any of the Bulldozer family
heading for our front door i shall go
down into the basement and hide be-
hind the ash barrel
-.a STAND BY THE BABY.
n. Y. Times
BAH What vile oil that is 1t |
isn't fit to rub into old boots. The |
idea of serving such stuff to human
being to eat on his cucumbers."
Having said this, Mr. jackson sat |
back in his chair and scowled.
None of that, Jackson" spoke up
Burnham, who was seated at the 9th |
er side of the table. You just come
back here and take a dose of your
own medicine '"
"What do you mean by that - de- |
manded Jackson. ga fa...
"Why, you're Republican
Certainly am
And you stand up for the tariff |
like little major ~
Sure ....z. |
"Well, then, pour some of that oil |
on those cucumbere and down 'em,
and mind that you smile while you're |
doing it. You can't expect to find |
pure olive oil in an ordinary restau- |
rant when you're collecting duty of |
35 cents a gallon on every bit of olive
oil that is consumed in the country.
II have right, being a tariff re-
that bottle, but You haven't that |
right. 1t is not for you to wonder |
what's in the bottle. Let it be kero- |
sene oil, whale oil, lard oil. cod-liver
oil, rattlesnake oil or goose grease /
you must eat it. That tax of IS cents
gallon is levied for the protection of
some infant industry, and every good
protectionist must stand by the baby |
even if she does look badly and |
smell strong. Don't go back on the
baby, Jackson, whatever you do.
Besides, old man, it's nothing
worse than cottonseed oil, after
all. You can stand little cottonseed |
oil on your cucumbers for the dear
baby's sake, can't you? Come, now,
just try one mouthful. Think what |
would become of the cottonseed-oil
industry if all the Republicans in the |
country should do what you are do
ing
"Yo1know, Jackson, that the intent
in taxing olive oil is to make it so eX-
pensive that none but the rich can at
ford to use the pure article, so that |
those who have to practice economy
must buy something composed almost !
exclusively of cottonseed oil. If the
cottonseed-oil men could have their
way. probably they would put law
on the statute books providing that
nobody should eat any other oil in sal
ads than theirs, but they cannot have
just what they want, and so they, like
good citizens, are putting up with
what the present law gives them.
THAT law says that it's proper for
poor devils like you and me to eat |
this strong smelling, gagging stuff;
You say the law is all right now, be
a man, and help carry out the policy
of your party, which you say you APP
prove. Give your cucumbers Il good
sousinG in that oil, and then eat them.
Don't go back on the poor little cot
tonseed baby, Jackson
What more Durham would have
said can only be coniectured, for just
rs he finished his last sentence Jack
son started for the doc" I'm not
mad. Burnham," he said, but / feel
little bit squeamish.
As Jackson passed ont of the door
gentleman at an adjoining table lean
ed over toward Burnham and said,
That's the best speech on the tariff
that / ever listened to-"
SCiRLET CLOVER.
The cultivation of scarlet clover, or
crimson clover as it is more usually
named, is receiving much attention in