Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-12-01
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD Ply FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists %
Our Own Day.
A Sprinkle of Spice.

A Sprinkle of Spice.
THE hunters horn isn't automatic,
but it goes when you wind it. -Elmir3
Gazette.
IT doesn't take much Of hunter
to bag his trousers. -Glens Falls Re-
publican.
POSITIVE, good; comparative, bet
ter; superlative, better not.-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
BALL-PLAYING is a sort of grab
game so far as the catcher is con-
cerned.-Picayune
IT is strange paradox that fast
colors are colors that will not run.
Boston Transcript.
THE liquor question staggers the
Incorporate man more than any one
else.-Lowell Courier.
In his moments of abstraction even
the pickpocket thinks time is money.
Philadelphia Times.
The book agent is another thing
that never goes without saying
Binghamton Republican.
A DRINKING-sONG to be popular
should be written with a rest at the
bar.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
WE can't blame actors for being
superstitious when we contemplate
the supers. -Elmira Gazette.
IF the keeper of the jail is jailer
why isn't the keeper of the prison a
prisoner Sheffield Telegraph
NOT one man in a dozen will tell
the truth if you ask him why he
wears plug hat.-Ram's Horn.
FLYTIME may be over, but in the
clearinghouse fruit-cake the fly is.
still currant. -Yonkers Gazette.
A NEW novel is called There Is
No Death" 1t is the story of the;
ballet girl. Philadelphia Record.
TRUE enough, rightly looked in o,
clothes don't make a man, but how
about habits?-Philadel Times.
"THE man who just passed is an
educated Indian" Then | suppose
he lives on mental reservation. -
Puck.
COLD contracts. That's why your
pocketbOok is so small when you have
coaled up for the winter. Evansville;
Breeze.
If oil can still the fury Of the
waves, why does not every ship take
plenty of it in her cruise?-Texas
Siftings.
AN Irish friend insists that the
chief pleasure in kissing a pretty girl
is when she won't let you. Boston
Transcript.
PERDIDA-How do you know that he
is a gentleman? Penelope-Why,
any girl could tell that by the crease
in his trousers. Truth.
THERE'S this to be said of fall fash
ions, that a man never goes down
with the same grace that a woman4
does. -Philadelphia Times.
BoNDs-Are you quick at footing
figures, Coupons? Coupons-Yes, if
they're dudes figures. / have an only
daughter.-NewY York Herald.
PARhER-I know a girl who mar
red a Chinaman. Mrs. Parker
Mercy! How could she? Parker
She was Chinese herself. Puck.
"TH1s is an Ideal hand" remarked
the gambler under his breath: as he
dealt himself four aces and the other
fellow a quartet of monarchs. Phil
adelphia Record
Il AM getting tired of this injus-
tice, said the trigger TO the barrel
"You are the one who gets loaded,
and then | get pulled on account or,
it. indianapolis Journal.
"Do YOU ever suffer from stage
fright?" asked Adlet of the famous
tragediaD. "Oh, yes" he replied
zone of the ugliest girls in the ballet
is in love with me. Judge.
The fact that public official is
the servant Of the people does not
seem to excite any wild desire to re-
main one of "the people" and be
waited Washington Star.
IT is rather hard on the men, but
no unmarried woman ever gets up in
prayer-meeting and talks about her
trials and burdens being harder than
she can Decentralization Globe
Il TELL you," exclaimed Mr.. Bios
som. of ST. Louis, debating with a.
Chicago man, II tell you that St.
Louis is the banner town. yes" ;d-
mitted Mr.. Livewayte, of Chicago,
81 understand it is a flag station. y
Puck.
GENTLEMAN-Good evening, N.Y.
little dear. Is your papa at home,
Little Dear don't know; III see.
Mamma is at home, and when she's.
around never can tell whether papa
is here Or not. he's SO quiet FIX
change.
VIs1ToR-"Is that your little SON
in the next room whistling: i Want,
to Be Soldier Of the Crosse Fonsi
Mother lmaking for the doOr1--.Yns.