Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-08-11


It's all spoiled, as usual.
Observation-Disclosures the hurryl
Young Wife, want the jars to put
up more fruit.-[N New York Weekly.
HIS STRUGGLE FOR EXISTENCE.
''What do you do for living" In
quired an Albany census enumerator of a
resident OF that city.
"My wife works in Troy collar shop,
was the answer.-[Troy Press.
FORGOT THE OTHERS.
Mabel-There are now over four
thousand avocations open to woman.
Clara-Dear me! What are theyl
Mabel-Let-me- One of them
is marriage and another isis Dear
me! I've forgotten the others. Il New
York Weekly. 49,, s,:, : ~
A REMARKABLE FEAT. '~e
Totling-Young McWatty is as strong
as any of these Hereuleses who travel in
the shows.
Dimling--Is that SO?
Totling-Yes; he can break railroad
sandwich in two as easily as he can
twist horseshoe out of shape. Detroit
Free Press.
CLUBS AND CANES
Younger Brother-Apy clubs at your
college, JACKIE
Elder Brother-Certainly.
Younger Brother-Do they hurt as
much as the canes used to at school2-
THE Club.
AvIARY AMENITIES.
'You are chicken-hearted cuss," said
the parrot to the rooster.
"And you are poll-troon, "retorted the
rooster Truth.
AN UNFAILING SIGN.
Wife Gmpatiently)-Thi new dres
doesn't set well, and know il.
Husband-What makes you think so2
Wife-It's too comfortable.
WHAT HE LEFT.
$50 Won married Smiths widow : Did
he leave anything n
Nothing but her, and / wish he
hadn't"
ECONOMlCAb ~ LAST
"Isn't old skinAint dead yet, Doc
tor9n
"Not he. He got an estimate on
funeral expenses from an undertaken
yesterday and rallied. 1t costs him too
much to die, he says. ~ Harlem Life.
ANOTHER ONE.
First Business Man--Who is that fell
low who has been button holing you for
the last half hour7
Second Business Man (wearily)-He is
an agent of the "Society to insure Against
Being Hit by Meteorite. New York
Weekly.
VARIETY TO CHOOSE FROM
First Chappie-I say, Barney, do "
take cold bawth in the mawning nowa
Second Ditto-NO; don't take it cold
any more, old chap. tried IL for time
but il disagweed with me SO very much
that stopped. There's so many other
English things that one can do, you
know Harlem Life.
CHEAP REAL ESTATE.
Mrs. Swayback-I understand that
Patti gets s., 600 for a song.
Swayback--Yes.
Mrs. Swayback-Then she could buy
that house we've been looking at for a
mere song. That is its price you know.
-[Detroit Free Press.
DIPLOMATIC ANSWER.
Impatient 'Guest-How long is my
steak going to be!
Waiter-Abous eight inches, boss-we
give big portions here. Puck.
UNRELIABLE.
He-Something tells me that you are
not entirely indifferent to my attentions.
She-What is itl
He-A little bird whispered it to me-
She-Your feathered friend is off his
perch.-[Truth.
AsTUTE WILLIAM.
Wornout William-Have you a little
suthia' to eat ma'am, for staryin' man
who can't find work.
Mrs. Scrimps-No, indeed, haven't.
Didn't l just see you throw away half
loaf of bread the woman next door gave
your
WORKOUT William-Y essum; you did.
But, ma'am, il you had seen the kind of
bread that woman makes you wouldn't
hev asked dog to eat it.
Why
Mrs. Scrimps-Never mind, my good
man. Just sit down in the kitchen
while get the cake and pie out of the
pantry. Chicago News-Record.
HARD LINES.
Perdita--What luck They say Dick
and Tom are going to fight aduel on your
account.
Penelope (wearily)-Yes, but had an
awful lot Of trouble to get them to do it.
Truth.
FORTUNATE NAN.
Trivvet-i was at the first performance
of Tillinghast's play last night. At the
oud of the second act there were loud
calls for the author.
Dicer-Isuppose TiIlinghast responded
proudly.
Thvvet-Not much. He made his
pscape bv the stage door. --lJudoe