Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1892-05-11
Mr.. B0wser Takes Care of the Baby.

heir of the house that made the disturb
ance. Mr.. BOwser came home to din
ner one cold day recently and as he had
3. cold and was afraid of getting the
grippe again, he decided to stay at
home that evening and doctor himself
up. So after his wife had made him
some hot punch and put him into his
slippers and gown, and comfortably
seated by the fire, she said, Now dear,
| want to rnn over to Mrs. Smiths a
few minutes and try on a new dress she
is making for me, ii you think you can
watch baby till get back.
| The baby was sleeping calmly in his
cradle and this did not seem like a very
formidable task.
| Watch himl Mrs. BOwser. Why |
know more about babies in minute
than you do in a thusand years. Just
you go on and leave him to me and
when ne awakes I'll manage him so
well that he probably won't recognize
you any more
But she had her misgivings and said:
| Now, I'll wait till the cook comes
home from marketing, if you think
there is any doubt about keeping him
| qniet.'
| BY the Great Horn Spoon. Mrs.
Bowser. Do you think the father of
that child can't take care of him? All
you want is box of safety-pins and
| bottle OF paregoric to be whole found
ling asylum. You clear out and peddle
street yarn all the afternoon and I'll
show you how to manage baby
SO after tucking the covers carefully
around the sleeping infant and caution
| ing him not to waken it, she started for
| the dressmaker's.
| Mr.. Bowser sat and read the paper
for about ten minutes and then got up
| to look at his charge. There the baby
| lay one thumb in it's mouth the perfect
| picture of innocent childhood. After
contemplating it for a moment with
| fatherly pride, he could not resist
chucking it under the chin and saying:
The very image of his father. Looks
more like me every day
This caused the baby to open his eyes
very wide and stare at the intruder.
| But he was in a good humor and so
only smiled and cOOed and kicked up
his heels and stuck his chubby fist in
his mouth, all which delighted Mr.
Bowser immensely, and he thought he
was getting along swimmingly and so
rashly undertook to take him up. At
ter carrying him around the room
awhile he sat down and tried talking
|
him and began to yearn for the mater
nal side of the house. He Strengthened
himself out and stiffened his back and
began making a face that would be
awful if it froze up that way. Mr..
BOwser had to trOt again, and round
and round the room he went with the
baby clinching both hands in his whisk-
ers and digging him in the stomach with
| both feet. Becoming tired of him, he
! Tried to lay him down again in his
cradle and got his feet where his head
ought to be and piled the covers on
him and undertood to rock him to Sleep
| But this was what the young calliope
had no notion of doing just then and
| he raised his voice in a loud protest in
spite of the rocking, so he had to resort
to some other form oil amusement and
got tin pan and water bucket and
beat them, but the baby yelled louder
and drowned out the other racket
Mr.. BOwser shook his fist at him and
stamped around the room and swore
softly to himself and wondered. Why
in thunder he was ever fool enough to
| let his wife go off to monkey around
| with the fit of a new dress and basque
and polonaise patterns and put up such
a job as this ON him.
He happened to think of a plan for
keeping the baby quiet, that he had
read in some household magazine and
SO proceeded to put it in execution.
He got the mOlasseS can from the din
ing room table and some feathers from
the bahy's pillow. He smeared some
OF the sticky sweetness on its hands and
then stuck feathers on one hand. This
attracted the young hopeful's atten-
tion for short time and he lay there
picking the feathers from one hand to
the other, where they would stick in
the molasses, and Mr.. BOwser thought
he had won the day.
Thinking it about time for his wife
to return, he took the youngster ON his
lap and sat down by the fire.
The molasses and feather business
was played out and the baby was hol-
lering for lunch. Mr.. Bowser conclud-
he would fix him like the slave women
did their babies, while they were pick
ing cotton in the south. He sat the
young chap down on the carpet and
went to the kitchen, where he produced
| a piece OF fat meat, about the size of
the baby's fist.
| He got stout string and tied it tight
ly around the meat and tied the other
end to the baby's big toe, leaving the
string just long enough, SO that he got
it to his mouth, and then put the piece
of meat in its hands. OF course it at
once went to its mouth and it sucked
away at it contented for awhile. Then
it swallowed the piece of meat and
choked on it and Mr.. Bowser stopped
over to see what had become of it. Just
then the baby kicked as hard as he
could and out flew the piece of meat,
striking Bowser in the eye and making
him fall over the baby, who howled till
the roof cracked and the windows rat
tied as he caught his second wind.
Just then Mrs Bowser rushed in,
picked up the baby and exclaimed:
Mr.. Bowser have you been trying to
IN urder our child?'
BOwser was hopping around on one
foot and holding his battered optic with
both hands and swearing by air, note
and without measure.
By the great guns of Gatling, Mrs
BOwser! How dare you ask such a ques-
tion after putting up such an infamous
job as this on mel
Mr.. Bowser have you been hanging
this baby up by the toes, or dragging it
around the room by this string?' She
asked as she examined the little darling
carefully to see if he was all there, and
properly pinned on his pinafore.
Mrs. BOwser, this is the very last
stroke. This is the straw that breaks
the camers back and l go to return no
more. l shall see my lawyer and have
the papers all properly filed out, and
you had better write to your mother at
once
Mr.. Bowser, don't be fool | stay
right here and take care of this baby
after this myself. l thonght you said
you knew so much about managing
them
Mover. Never! said anything of the
kind, and you had no business to slip
off and leave me here with that young
calliope all by myself. But l see through
it all. l have expected it for some time
1t was all put up job to drive me
away or have me accused of killing
that young imp of Satan that looks
just like its mother more and more ev-
cry day.
But Mr.. Bow
~