The National tribune., 1892-06-23
A MAN-OF-WAR YARN.
1t Wasn't the Commodore, but he Caused
Enough BastIe.
" Nam Eo1k Tribune

Enough BuStEe.
Ns,e York Tribune
Tho strange and uuacc0untable ideas which
the average landsman has about men of war
and their officers and crews perplex Jack Tar
and justify bin, according to his way of think
ing, in firmly believing that the salt of the
earth is on the sea. Ash. a landsman who the
most important man aboard the ship is and he
win say the Captain. Jack knows better.
Put the question to him and he will say the
cook, ard every seadog knows he is telling the
truth. The landlubbor hangs up prettily-
framed notices On the walls of his house, such
as "God bless our Home" but deeply engraved
on Jacks heart is the fervid prayer, "God
bless the Cook; unless by some mishap the
red pepper is spilled into the stew, when tho
motto is appropriately changed. Every true
seaman knows how dependent is the entire
ships company On the cook, and bold is the
man who dare brook his displeasure. The
Captain may scoid, the Ensigns may storm and
rave, but that is trife compared to the wrath
of the cook. a dozen of the enen,y's cruisers
may advance in the attack and Jack Tar faces
them like the brave man he is but once let the
whisper go through the ship that "there is
something wrong with the cook" and imme-
datey officers and men become serious and in
vain endeavor to conceal their anxiety. No
body knows this better than the cook himself.
Any one with half an eye could see that at a
glance. When the cook, fat sleek and COM
Portable, steps out Of his g star chamber and
with lazy, indolent gait walks over to the
chicken coop like a lord high executioner he
knows full well that he is the central object of
interest in all that noble ships company.
There is no man in the whole fleet who has
more unwritten privileges or dares to take
greater liberties than the cook. A good Illus
traton of this occurred at European port q
few years ago, when a certain squadron of q
certain color was making evoutions for the
edifcat;on of the crowned heads of Europe.
Skids was the name of the cook aboard tubs
particular ship and he was one of the best in
the navy. The officers knew this and so did
Skids, and he took great liberties even for q
cook.
When the ship got into this port Skds took
it into his head that he would like to 60 ashore.
He said his health demanded 1t. That settled
it; he went, and, like some excellent cooks
before him, Skids got drunk, but being the
true son of the sea that he was, he insisted on
going aboard to be with his kettles and his fat
A popularity of Skids was that although an
| amlable aud unassuming fellow for cook when
| sober, he went to the opposite extreme when
| he got little liquor in him. On this occasion
| he got a great deal of liquor aboard, and his
| Importance grow amazingly. BY the time he
| reached the ships landing he was fully con-
| WINGED that he was nothing short of q Commo-
| dore, and was determined to have all the def
erence due to his high rank shown him. Ac-
| cordingly when he called for boat, he gave
| tho chief officers hail flag" Now, as a mat
| ter Of fact, the real Commodore had taken a
| little run up to Paris and was not expected
| back for two weeks. Perhaps the condition of
! the flagship was not just what it should be and
| the other vessels in the squadron might have
become trife slack in their order, too The
unexpected announcement therefore that the
| Commodore was on the landing calling for a
| boat threw the entire feet into q ferment of
| excitement and confusion. Officers came
| tumbling out Of their berths and flung on their
| uniforms any way they could, while the sailors
| were routed out of their hammocks aud were
| sent up the masts to man the yards. The off.
| Ger Of the deck was in an agony of perturba.
| ton, and SO were the officers of the deck in
| the other vessels Of the squadron
By the time the boat came alongside the ship
| was In some degree prepared to receive her
commander, but not in that shpshape order
which the exacting Commodore might have
expected. The lines were dressed, lanterns
| were hung, and while the preparations were
| still under way word was passed that the Com
modore was coming up the gangplank. In
stantiy there was deep hush over the ship
during which the stumbling steps and un-
steady voice OF some pompous Parsonage could
be distinctly heard. Finally the dilapidated
form of Skids with his hat cooked over his eve
and his dress in picturesque disorder appeared
over the gaDgway in the full light of the Ian
terms. Making great effort to steady himself,
he mustered all the mposity he could assume,
and taking off his hat with Low bow, said !:
Gentlemen, salute you"
Nobody IN that whole squadron but the
drunken cook could have done such a thing
without receiving the seyerest punishment
Skids got off scot free. And yet there are
landsmen who still think that the cook is not
tho most influential man aboard tho man Of