davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly messenger. [volume] (St. Martinsville [i.e. St. Martinville] La.) 1886-1948, 1892-12-24
HUMOROUS.

A grocery clerk puts down an order
and then he puts it up.
1t is because the turtle is slow thai
he is SO often in the soup.
Never ask a woman her age, unless
you desire TO witness her rage.
Sometimes when man is put on
his mettlc the material is brass.
1t is with the teeth of adversely that
mankind generally "bite the dust"
The bee which gets into the politi.
clans bonnet is never a humble bee.
"A man at summer hotel alway,
speaks of his bill in the highest
terms.
Wedding rings are not put on church
bells until after the marriage cere.
mony.
Mike: Fwhat's a mlcrobe, Pat?
Pat: Sure, tits the most invisible thing
We liver saw.
Molasses candy always has egotistio
views. 1t gets stuck on everything, it.
self included.
The man who is born poor ought to
make good balloonist. He ID
naturally All heir O. naught.
Mudge-Fd much rather a man
called me a knave than fool. Yabs.
ley-Of course. Its the truth that
hurts.
Tommy: Did you ever see a real
circus, Johnny? Johnny: No, but
I've heard ma when pa come home
late, lots of times.
Auntic (sympathetically)
the matter, Bobby, dear? Bobby
(sobbing)-Mamma whipped me. ]
jus wish I'd been born orphin!
Ethel: You don't think l am grow.
ing old, do you? Edith: Not at all
You have been twenty-five for the last
eight years, to my certain knowl'
edge.
George" said the maiden fondly,
"did you hear Willie's firecracker just
nOw?" ayes, Miss Maudie, i did"
didn't it pop gracefully% 1t was
enough.
Miss Spinster: Such a nice man
Rector Brown Why, this morning he
said there were marriages in heaven.
Miss Sharpe: So consoling for you,
dear, too!
Cleverton-That beautiful Miss
Swansdown said you were at the
church fair last night and wouldn't
speak to her. Dashaway-No. she
has charge of a booth.
She Cat one of her dying times)-I
want you to be good man when am
gone. Do you think you can! lie
Uhoughtfully)-Ies, there won't @
much to hinder me then.
a story describing love scene be-
tween the hero and heroine says:
"lIe wooed her with a will" That's
a good way, especially if the wooef
is old and the will is in her favor.
She-Do you ever see Mr.. and Mrs.
Chapley since their marriage? He
Oh, yes; it is case of two souls Wild
but single thought. Shc-How love-
ly. lle-Ycs, she married dude.
"Mr. Tinkle," said the doctor, after
an examination, 81 fear your WIGS
mind is gone" "That doesn't sur
prise me; she has been giving me
The weekly messenger. [volume] (St. Martinsville [i.e. St. Martinville] La.) 1886-1948, 1892-12-24

All the gold ordered In New Yofk
during a recent week went abroad by the
steamship Majestic, and her specie safe
had in it 81 ESQ, 900 in gold, the largest
amount ever shipped by a single vessel.
The weekly messenger. [volume] (St. Martinsville [i.e. St. Martinville] La.) 1886-1948, 1892-12-24

A Texas shingle mill recently sold
10000, 900 shingles to one concern, the
largest sale of shingles ever made in
Texas.
The weekly messenger. [volume] (St. Martinsville [i.e. St. Martinville] La.) 1886-1948, 1892-12-24

The excessive use of cosmetics caused
the insanity of two young women in Al
buquerquc, New Mexico.
The weekly messenger. [volume] (St. Martinsville [i.e. St. Martinville] La.) 1886-1948, 1892-12-24

Forty thousand California salmon
have been placed in the river Seine.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
ABOUT ATLANTIC LINERS.

It Takes Lots of Money to Pay the Ell
penses of Single Trip.
In view of the fact that in few
months the Cunard company will have
two vessels afloat Which are expected
to reduce the passage between Queens
town and New York to five and half
or five and a quarter days, some statis-
tics given by Arthur j. Maginnis on the
ships, men and working of the Atlantic
ferry are of great interest. In ship
like the Teutonic, to begin with, a sum
of about So, 900, 900 is invested, and the
working expenses are proportionately
heavy. In the sailing, engine and pas
senger departments the large number
of 3a2 hands are required-47 in the
first, 161 in the second and ia in the
third. The wages paid to these hands
amount to say, 81, 500 for the sailing de-
partment, $4,000 for the engine and
1900 for the passenger, making total
of $50 a month. When these figures
are considered, together with the other
expenses of maintenance, Office ex-
penses, insurance, agency commission,
shore staff, works, port charges, in
terest on capital, and depreciation, it
may be fairly taken that at least the
sum of $4,000 must be realized trip
before any profits can be counted on; so
that some idea of the enormous sums at
stake in the working and management
of an express transatlantic line can be
formed Mr. Maginnis holds strongly
to the belief that when these vast fig
ures are considered, together with other
equally extensive requirements, the
chimerical nature of some of the schemes
proposed from time to time for forming
new lines which promise three and four
days passage across the Atlantic can
easily be discerned. He regards them
as overwhelming proof that insur-
mountablc difficulties are in TIA way Of
any company or firm without shipping
experience who can create all at once a
service more luxurious and having
higher speed than that now afforded by
the existing lines which would at the
same time prove financial successes
Detroit Free u'csA
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
"ROB ROY" MACGREGOR.
A Short Biographical Sketch of a Late
English Writer.

A Short Biographical sketch of a Late
English Writer.
Mr.. John MacGregor, better known
as Rob Roy" MacGregor, who died at
his residence, Lochiel, Boscombe,
Bournemouth, lately. was the eldest
son of the late Gen. Sir Duncan Mac
Gregor, X. c. Il. He was born at
Gravesend, January "a, 1925, and few
weeks after his birth, his parents, with
their infant son, embarked on board
the Kent, East Indiaman, which after
ward took fire in the Bay of Biscay.
Young MacGregor was educated at
Kings school, Canterbury, and at sew
en- other schools, in consequence of the
frequent removals of his fathers regi-
ment. Later he was sent to Trinity
college, Dublin, and afterward to Trim
ity college, Cambridge, where he grad
uated as Ii. A. and a wrangler In
1915 Mr.. MacGregor wrote and sketched
for punch" and during the revolution
of 1S4S he visited Paris. Two years
later he made tour through Europe
and the Levant, and also visited Egypt
and Palestine. On his return in 1851
he was called to the bar. Being of a
restless disposition, however, he soon
left for Russia, visiting likewise every
other country in Europe, as well as
Algeria and Tunis, and subsequently
the United States and Canada. He pub
lished an interesting account of his
wanderings. In 1865 he undertook lis
first canoe voyage, and in the ensuing
year his memorable log book appeared,
under the title of "A Thousand Miles
in the Rob Roy Canoe on the Rivers and
Lakes of Europe" This work passed
through thirteen editions in less than
twenty years. 1t was succeeded by
various other accounts of canoe voy-
ages, all of which enjoyed considera-
BILE popularity. Mr.. MacGregor was
twice elected member of the London
school board. for the division of Green
witch; and he acted as chairman of the
industrial schools committee. rendering
signal service in that capacity. His
leisure he employed in contributing
articles on marine propulsion and other
subjects to the reports of the British
association, and he worked on the COM
mittees for erecting various memorial
statues to public men. He married in
1873 a daughter of Admiral Sir Richard
Caffin. h. c. Il. Mr.. MacGregor had
been in failing health for some time be-
fore his death, and in consequence set
tied a few years ago Of Bourpemouth,
-LepdoB Times.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
ST. LOUIS.
Everybody Planning to Visit the
Western Metropolis.
A Carnival of Unusual BrililancY-Six MHes
Of Illuminated streets--Seventv-Five
Thousand Lights-Other Spe-
oial Attractions.

ST.. LOUIS, Aug. 25.-Thc city this
evening is blaze of light. Along over
six miles of the business streets $4,000
electric and gas lights are shining
through globes of many tints, pro,iuc-
ing an effect which battles descrip-
ton, and which exceeds in bril-
liancy and magnifcence anything
ever seen in modern days or
immortalized by the pens of oriental
poets. The city is crowded with guests,
and the universal expression of opinion
is that great as is the reputation OF St
Louis as a carnival city, the metropolis
of the west and southwest has annihi-
lated all records this year. In addition
to the countless arches and clusters OF
many-colored globes, there are ten
splendid set pieces, in which the latest
triumphs of electricity are displayed.
The most prominent of these is on
Twelfth street, between Washington
avenue and Olive. 1t is a great cleo
trical panorama which opens up with
silent. but overpoweringly eloquent, de-
scription of the discovery of America,
goes on to show how the country set
tied up and concludes with magnifi'
cent burst of light with the words:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
Ct. LOUIS.
1892.

displayed in bold relief at height Of
sands of enthusiastic spectators.
At the corner of Broadway and Olive
streets, within two squares of the site
of the new two million dollar hotel. an
enormous globe is suspended in mid
air, about as high as the fifth floor Of
the lofty buildings which adorn the
corner. The globe revolves on its axis,
and is studded with thousands Of incan-
descent electric light globes which
give the exact outlines of the two con-
tinents- When lighted up the effect is
magnificent, especially when seen ut
distance of eight or ten squares.
Over the Grant statue, on Twelfth
street, the Stars and Stripes and the
Spanish flag are suspended. and here
again electricity does the rest. The
other set pieces and designs are equally
magnificent and daring.
The special illumination nights of the
season are: September 1. 8, 8, Is, 90 and
20; October 1, 4, 6, IS and 20.
The Examinations are but part of
the grand entertainment provided by
st. Louis The great exposition. the only
successful annual exposition in the
world, opens September and continues
with. four concerts daily by Gilmore's
band OF 100 pieces, the greatest ag-
gregation of musical talent ever seen or
heard in the west
The Yelled Prophet will arrive Octo-
Der I. and will be accorded military
reception. His great annual parade
will take place Tuesday. October :. fol-
lowed by grand ball at the Mer.
chants Exchange hall.
All the railroads are making exccp-
tionally low rates to St. Louis during
the festivities, programme of which
will be mailed to anyone addressing the
Festivities Bureau, ST. Louis.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
THE NICARAGUA CANAL.

It Is Politically ns Well as Com merclally
Important to this Couatry.
The assertion is sometimes made that
the Nicaragua canal will not benefit us
in regard to the increase of the number
of our ships, and this assertion is based
on the fact that Fra nee failed to add a
single ship to her carrying fleet by the
completion of the Suez canal, built by
French engineering, French enterprise
and French capital This fact is brought
forward as lesson in history which we
must bear in mi nd when we are asked
to consider the Nicaragua canal ques-
ton as an element in the develo pement
of our commerce.
At the present day the Suez canal is
chiefly devoted to the carrying trade of
England, and England owns fighting
interest in the stock
We hold in regard to the Nicaragua
canal that the United States will, no
matter who builds il, take the same
position that England could not fail to
attain in the use of the Suez canal. En-
gland possesses an immense, furnishing
and steadily increasing commerce in the
east. while the commercial possessions
of France there are comparatively
small.
Like England in the east we have ex-
tensive possessions in the west on our
Pacific shore, California, Oregon, Wash.
ington and Alaska, all very fourishing,
while their productiveness is steadily
increasing. It must, without fail,
stimulate our ship building trade when
by shorter and safer transit the
mutual commerce will receive most
powerful impulse. All the European
ocean faring nations are even more
interested in the Nicaragua canal than
in the Suez canal, because by passing it
they will avoid the stormy ocean of the
extreme southerly coast of South Amer
lea, the sail ing round which is a great
deal worse than sailing around the Cape
of Good Hope.
There ought to be no doubt that our
government will assist the enterprise.
1t is in duty bound to do so. Even in
the view of national defense we must
have shorter waterway for more rapid
and safer navigation between our ex-
tensive eastern Atlantic and western
Pacific shore, and SO dispense with the
delay and danger of long, round
about way of sailing around the whole
South American continent over the two
grand oceans of our globe. -Scientific
American.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12

Then, after they're taken, Instead of dis
In a mild. easy, and natural way. There's
no chance for any reaction afterward. Their
help lasts. Constipation, Indigestion, Bilious
Attacks, Sick or Bilious Headaches, and all
arrangements of the liver, stomach, and
bowels are promptly relieved and pefman-
entity cured
They're put up in glass vials, which keeps
them always fresh and reliable, unlike the
ordinary pills in wooden or pasteboard
boxes.
And they're the cheapest pills you can buy,
Tor they're guaranteed to give satisfaction,
or your money is returned. You pay only
for the good you get.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
Sure In Either Case.

"You look thin and pale" observed
the family physician. You have been
paying too close attention to business.
Try month or two at watering
place"
CLOSE attention to business may ha We
made me q little thin,'' said the board
of trada man testify, but it has fat
tened my pocketbook enormously"
IA month or two ct wsteriag place
will curs that. too" rvjoined the deator.
--fhicsgs Tribune,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
A FRIEND IN NEED.

sTwss lazy, hazy sort of day
A Sunday in early September
And Parson Pindsr IL was that preached
That is, IL I rightly remember.
Outside, in the meadows aftermath
The bees droned in the clover,
In "colce far niente' sort OF way,
For their summers work was over
Inside, the flies on the window pane
Buzzed In a sleepy fashion.
Too listiess to search out the thin-haired men
And tease them into passion
The high backed pews in the old stone church
Were hardly made for doing.
But here and there the pillars" mapped,
LuIled by the parsons pressing:
For in drowsy measure his sing-song tones
With the hum OF the bees was blended,
And old Deacon Badger fell fast asleep
Before the 'irstly' was ended.
From ''fourthly" to "fifthly" the parson wen
His steady way pursuing,
With 'seventhly," .'eighthly, brethren" ana
then
The ''ninthly' was just reviewing,
When q saucy breeze came over the hill
And set the leaves a-dancipg
And tumbled the clover, then in at the door
With mischicvous air came prancing.
IL DIlStleu the na1r on the deacon 3 mead
Till 1t seemed to be cutting capers;
Ut flirted the leaves OF the hymn books old,
Next rumpled the parsons papers
Then out Of the widow 1t slipped away,
Bent on more merry confusion
Now the parson. his 'ninthly'' out of the way
Had reached at last the conclusion.
l''Now, finally, brethren"-slowly he spoke,
Now, finally, f-nal-ly-oh, dear me-
10 himself he said, as he wiped his specs"
Il just had that finally near me-"
llAloft in the gallery, demure and prim,
Sat little Patty Carson;
MOI word OF the sermon had she missed,
Or a gesture Of the parson.
but now she half rose and leaned Ger the rail,
! Her eyes on him anxiously bending.
AS he searched in vain for the missing link,
Between the ly's and the ending
LAS he stopped perplexed--in high-cracket
voice
She must either help or hinder
"Your finally brethren parson." she cried,
HAS just blown out OF the winder'
Elizabeth Flint Wade, in Good Housekeeping
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
PuNceNT PARAGRAPHS.

-"Olesoke has quit drinking" Gold
cure?' mo. Copper. He got ninety
days "-Indianapolis Journal
-Elsie-"Did you know papa well be-
fore you married him?" Mother SADLY
-'.No, dear, dn't"-Texas Siftings.
Before you get in too big hurry
to get rich, sit down for few minutes
and watch fly that has got stuck fast
in honey.
The One Thing Needfui. = Great
Politician-'.What must l do to gain
the unanimous applause of the press?"
Great -"Die.--Chicago Blade.
-He-"Don't you think I'm rawther
good looking?" She-'In a way" He
what kind of a way?" She-''Away
IN. Y Herald.
Wanted Her Opinion.
roommate called on me last night" He
How do you like my new dress-suit?"
Smith, Gray & Co. IS Monthly.
"A Possr-He-"My ancestors were
gentlefolk when the Billions were mar
lset gardeners" She-'Indeed? How
interesting. And now the Balloons are
gentlefolk and-and-you--T De-
troit Free Press.
-"Mr. Tilbow called to-day and re-
turned the umbrella yon loaned him
last week." ibid, Ell? Well by Jove!
wonder what game that fellow is try
ing to play on me. Chicago News.
TO be Used More Than Once.-The
Jewcler.-''Do you wish to have any in
itials engraved on the inside of this
ring?" The Summer Man-"O, no; l
want it for summer engagement use."-
Brooklyn Eagle.
Woman has to wait until she is
asked before she can marry. She has no
mony. Then she knows how to make up
for lost time.-Boston Transcript
Mr.. Naglcy-'I suppose you think
you never made mistake since you
were born" Mrs. Nagley-'T can't say
that, but haven't made many since l
was married. kate Fields Washing
ton.
The Office Boy lat 2:30 p. nh
Say, Mr.. Peters, I'm feeling real sick"
The Emp!oyer-"O, no, you're not. You
mistake the symptoms. It's been de-
cided to postpone the game until to-
morrow. Chicago News Record.
-George-'Now that we are engaged,
have take out an insurance policy in
your favor" Ethel-"How thoughtful;
but why don't you get papa's consent,
George?" George isn't an accident
policy."-N. Y. Herald.
Papa" said little Washington
girl, ''teu me story" "Well, I'll tell
you true story" 81 don't like true
stories" II don't know any other
kind" go, yes, you do. Tell me bout
the last time You went fishin'. Wash
iugton Star.
Not Reassuring Mabel,
feel very brave to-day; think now is
a good time for me to see your father"
Mabel-''Well, don't believe l would
to-day" Jacques-''Wby not?' Mabel
you'd better wait till you have your
old clothes on. boston Courier
"A Misapprehensiop.-( rail-
road carriage in Wales)-Welsh Farmer
Ito dean of the Established church who
expects to be made a bishop soon)--"Was
you curate?" Dean with plying con-
descension)-"I was curate once, my
good man" Farmer latter pause)-
"Ahl Drink, / suppose" (Tableau.)-
London Graphic.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1892-11-12
JUST FULL

OCOl TOLA
of improvements
DR.. Piercc's Pleas
ant Pellets. To
begin with, they're
the smallest, and
the easiest to take.
TIL eyre tiny,
sugar-coated anti
bilious gTanules,
scarcely larger
than mus { ard
seeds. Every child
= l. - IL
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1892-09-13

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Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1892-09-13

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Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1892-09-13
CaStOria.

~Castoria is SO well adapted to children that
recommend it as superior 70 any prescription
known to me-"
II. A. ARCHER, NJ. D.,
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1892-09-13
CastOria.

"Castoria is an excellent medicine for chill
zen. Mothers have repeatedly told me of its
cod effect upon their children
Dr.. G. c. OsGooD,
Lowell Mass
The enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 188?-1899, 1892-03-09
Court Proceedings.

State Of Ohio VS. Richard Taylor ct al.
assault and battery, verdict, not guilty.
State Of Ohio VS. Henry II Barnard, Ed
ward Holheld; larceny, arraigned, plea
guilty, sentence one year each in peniten-
tiary.
Chas W johnson, adm VS. Isaac Root
money only, settled at deft's cost.
Bryand Reed VS. James Craig; injunct-
ion and equitable relief, settled and costs
paid.
Harvey NJ. Peabody VS. Milton Peabody:
replevin, verdict for plff.
VIM Rininger vs. 5 S Davidson, George
Boone; money only, default, judgement
for plf $359,83.
Barbara Urig VS. John Jungbluth in
junction and equitable relief, dismissed
and costs paid.
Capitola Reeves VS. Joseph T Reeves;
divorce, divorce granted.
Mrs George Brenner VS. Walter II Will
llums; meney only, default, judgment for
plf $36425.
LYDIA Hult vs. John HUFF; alimony,
dismissed at plfns costs.
Charles II Bemis vs. Anna Bemis;
divorce, divorce granted.
Charles r Emmons VS. Jennie En-
mons; divorce, divorce granted.
Hannah Wilkinson VS. George htkin-
son ei al partition, partition ordered.
Indinia Peabody VS. Andrew r Cong
don to recover real property, settled.
Savings Deposit Bank VS. b Them.
pson, $ B Thompson, money only, judg-
ment by confession, $3O3.07.
Savings Deposit Bank company vs
J B Thompson, S B Thompson, W II
Tietgies Hiram ofIenberg; money only.
judgment by confession $155.sO.
Lydia Montgomery ct al VS. Residents
Mutual Fire Association; money only,
settled and costs paid.
LYDIA Hulf VS. John Hull; divorce,
divorce granted.
Adella Field vs Felon 2 Field; divorce,
divorce granted.
Nettie Often VS. Frank Often, divorce,
divorce granted.
Lewis II Draper VS. Prank Often; di-
vorce, divorce granted.
Lewis II Drapervs Nancy Draper; di.
Norce. divorce refused
The enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 188?-1899, 1892-03-09

hands were knotted and drawn out OF
shape. Most marvellous was the work
she did in this condition,
Well might 1t have been said; cher
cup is full" But no. In new form
her faith was tried. The beloved father
was taken from her; then in q few short
months the mother, too. And after this
is II not almost incredible S-her sight be-
gan to fail; soon Kate was blind, the poor
hands rested then, she could do no more.
What does Kate say now9 "Well, 1 can
hear, I've got one sense lett, l am thank
full for that" Kate had mastered the
true Christian science. She recognized
the infrmitives of the flesh, but she lived
above them.
1t was trial for her to give up her pref
ty little home and leave all the faithful
friends at Wellington, but she felt that ii
was best 10 come to Cleveland and here
the rest of her earthly days were spent
very happily Kate herself would so ex-
press it at the Trinity church home,
where her room became center of attrac-
ton and where she constantly added to
her long list Of friends. Here she had
the church - her room was next the
chapel here she was lovingly tended
and here she died. Died No. II was
here that her spirit took fight from the
poor body and went hence to live in free
dom in the presence Of her Lord.
Today we gathered in the chapel Of the
home, sorrowful because we should see
her there no more, glad because she was
free at last. She had taught US to look
unselfshly at trials. She had taught us
how the Christian should endure. So her
poor body was laid to rest with loving
tribute and the church's sacred SER
vices; to rest till In Gods good time it
shall be restored in health and beauty and
perfectness-"l unto His own glorious
body" TO the beautiful soul which now
waits in Paradise. journal Of the Guild
OF the Holy Cross.
The enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 188?-1899, 1892-03-09
Bucklen's Arnica Salve.

The best salve In the world for cuts,
ruises sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever
ores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains,
rns and all skin eruptions, and posi-
lively cures piles or no pay required. 1t
is guaranteed 10 give perfect satisfaction,
or money refunded. Price 25 cents per
box. For sale by L. W. ADAMS