The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1892-08-21
TICKLE BILL VAN LOON.
A Story of Unrequited Love and Disap-
pointment.

|
Corners, in the big hemlock belt Of Penn
sylyania, was approaching n backwoods
farmhouse that stood near the road when
a shockheaded boy, about sixteen years
old, came running toward me from the
house. He threw up one hand and yelled:
Hey, therel Hold on spellp
stopped my horse
"Be you a squirrel" he asked eagerly
l was compelled TO confess that | was
not.
"Lawyer"
Not a lawyer, either"
Not even dominica" persisted the boy,
| looking disappointed.
NO" said l. Not even dominic"
This is all fred hard luckw exclaimed
the boy. We've got Bill in the humor
now, an If you was only squire OF law
yer or a dominic we would clinch the thing
right here an have him high an dry
Just then a lean, lank and salow mid
die aged woman came to the door of the
house, and peering over her shoulder was
handsome red checked girl not more
than eighteen.
as he a squire, Sim" screamed the wo-
man.
"Nawp replied the boy in a tone Of dis
gust. "He hain't even dominica
"ShucksW exclaimed the woman; az we
hadn't "a wanted one all powerful bad fist
now, ev'ry squire in the township ID ben
nosin round here 'lectioneerin, and not
less than half dozen dominies d ben
droppin in fer dinner, an wantin yaller lea
chickens at that. Now here's Bill. chang
erbler than milk in thunderstorm, an II
we don't clinch him now it'll be list IKE
him to back out an jine his clearin som'eres
elsel Shucks, sayl This is down hand
luck, even fer these sun het barrensr'
as some one dyingw / asked, not know
ing just what to say, with the light had.
Not p'ticklar dyin fer sure" put In the
red checked girl, "but jist dyin to bev BIZ
Van Loon an his clearin oinohed while
he's in the humor"
"WeddinP remarked the shockheaded
boy sententiously. "Leastways, there
would be one if you was only squire or
even dominic"
They seemed to hold IL up against me be
cause | was inconsiderate enough not 20
have been either one or the other
Where's the bride" / asked the boy.
The red checked girl in the doorway over
heard the question and answered it her.
self
Pm herp she said. "Pervidin l could
git Bill clinched right now"
Where's the happy bridegroom" I
asked.
Il dunno as he's so overpowerin happy"
said the shockheaded boy; "but he's out
with pop, lookin the clearin over"
IL was only three miles TO Coyerly's Cor
ners, and | restored degree Of cheerful
ness to the eager family by saying that II
it would be Of any service 20 them I would
fetch a squire or a dominic to their house
as soon rs could drive to the Corners and
back.
Gossip exclaimed the red checked girl.
IF ye do that ye kin kiss the bridel Not
nowp she said, as began to climb down
out Of the wagon. when ye come backr
'Tll fotch squire" said. "or Kill
horseW
| didn't lose any time in getting 10 the
Corners, for | was interested in having that
pretty. red checked girl clinch the triding
Bill Van Loon, although he didn't deserve
such luck / wasn't entirely disintr,ssted,
either, for Sally had said that I could kiss
The bride. and she was a decidedly kissable
person The boy who had come with me
seemed to have better opinion OF a squircs
efficiency in the emergency than be had Of
dominie's, soon found the former and
Jack we started with the important official
didn't spare the horse, and we got back
o the clearing in good time. Sally's
lother met us 40 the door. She was severe
nd gloomy.
Turn round an go back" she said.
Yer too late"
Sally sat on a chair kicking her heels
gainst the floor i'm "a loud and spiteful
ittOo. She was sQuealing and sObbng,
nd her checks were fiery.
81 wouldn't "a keered a snap" she
)bbed, but I know he'll go an marry
lat sniflin, redhended Kit Cooley, con
lrn his inconstant picturl An it's all
our fault ye keerless Sim, your she ex-
aimed, turning on her shockheaded and
lrprlsed brother "Ye went an left
ull turnip in the cows chop, an she went
d Choked on I'll Boo-wool B-o-oo-o"
The iron hand Of fate had indeed closed
D the family with remorseless clutch.
Jhlle l was driving my horse well nigh
, death, so that Bill Van Loon might 30
inched while he was in the humor what
lould the Jersey COW up and do but choke
death on a turnip.
well, ." the businesslike Mr. Van Loon
nd said, "of course that's all tina be 20
" and walked away TO open negotiations
sewhere.
10 had never occurred TO me before, but
feel it now. that a man can't travel IN
lat part OF the country and do TO others
he would be done by unless he is either
squire or a dominic. II had been either
lie or t'other on that trip, Sally would
i've been the mistress Of Bill Van Looms
I'm. And better than all, she'd have
ssed mel-Ed Mott in New York Sun.
II your friend meets with adversely do
1t offend him by inquiring into the par.
-ulars. His neighbor will be glad 10 tell
"a all. Thus you not only avoid o0end-
g your friend, but you give pleasure 70
5 neighbor Boston Transcript
--------
RANGE or THE THERMOMETERS.
Range o. tho Thermometer az TIE TnHs
ice yesterday August 20. 1902:
a. NJ, ~; u VI. IS; y. n. S.; p. n. ~,
,. u, 70; midnight. a. Average, SO.