The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1892-11-28
THE MAN UNDER THE BED.
HETREMBLES WHEN HE SrUMBLEs
ON THE KID GLOVE SEX.

1890
IN Jail
From the Ne,0 York Recorder.
"An' yer expect nae ter tell yer how a
woman can catch a burglar! That the
greatest yet. Yer make me laf."
It's a tradition with women 70 become
scared merely Of the mention of burglar.
Perhaps if they only knew how to handle d
burglar, and If scientific instruction in the
art Of burglar-capturing were made public,
womeE would get possession OF their fecul-
ties and meet all unlawful intruders with
self possession.
Second story burglars are the class Of
thieves that women are most apt to run
| against That was the kind Of a man who
sat in the back room of q little eating house
down in a back street. He had answered
to the charge and knows all OF the details Of
the delicate business.
That's a great joke. Tho idea OF thief
| telling women how to catch a thief, They
know how now too fast for US. Why, I'd
rather run up agin dozen men than one
| pstticoat She always screams at the
wrong time for herself, il it isn't the wrong
time for us. 0, we hate TO buck up sgln
female. Tell a women how to catch a thief!
Well should smile. guess not much. "
found a woman when you hadn't expected
20, and she grabbed you round the neck and
hung tight so you couldn't get away, what
would you dos Would that be a good way
to surprise burglarw
That just the gag a woman tried on big
Frank Mccoy up at Tarrytown, when the
masked gang was round. Frank got into
the second-story window. He was one O. the
greatest second-story men there was. He
was called Long Frank. The house had
been piped. You know no thief ever'd into
crib until he knew about the way the
place was run. He would have 1t watched,
and every light aud every room IN the house
would be known before he went In this
room they had seen q woman HndresS and
take off her Jewels and put something I'M
der pillow. When Frank got in he found
woman in bed He reached under the
pillow to find what was there. The woman
walked up and she didn't raise a peep. She
grabbed him as tight as a drumstick around
the neck with both arms. Frank flung his
arms around her body and hauled her out
of bed, carried her across the room and got
his pal outside. He set the woman down on
the window seat. Now, madam said he,
i don't want to hurt you. but IL you raise
peep, my pal, he'll fire that gun he's got on
yer. Ye'd better keep still, and if yer do,
yer won't get hurt. Yen be as safe as in
yer own bed. Then Frank went through
she never raised sound. She was paralyzed
Frank got away all right. No, 1 don't
think 'twoUld do woman much good to
try to catch hold of q burglar much of any
where. She be pretty apt to get hurt. with
out frightening the thief away. We all hate
a screaming woman, but yelling don't catch
the fellow very often. What a woman
wants is to keep cool II she finds a man
in her room, she don't want ter scream and
run. She don't want ter faint neither. If
she keeps cool and uses her wits, she'll jug
him four times out OF tive.
"A woman with a gun amt much count.
The best protection a woman In q house
alone can have is little, nasty whiffet of a
doE-one o. them black beasts that yell at
everything, and won't make friends with a
fellow till he has seen him 500 times. He
barks at every thing. Then baby! I'd
rather meet a dozen men than run against a
little baby. The kid always erica"
Whats the matter, Mr.. Burglar, with
big ed dOg So nan b. handled r...,u 90.
and then yer know where they are always,
But these little whiffetA, yer never know
when there's one of them around.
"Whiffets an babies an screaming wom-
en- an newspapers, them's what makes q
burglars life tough one. An its women
who are always up TO the paper racket.
Didn't ever hear OF papers that's funny!
w n.y. "Dcd bAo kdbk Wdc ny AZ pOWus
and nobody knew what nighS there might
be a crack from Workers for miles up
there want many houses along the river
but had lay cut OF papers Newspapers
was spread around the doors an windows,
on the floor, every night before folks went
ter bed. The gang got so they knew what
folks had papers. Twas always where the
women was alone. You couldn't get family
up there ter give away a paper. A news
paper was with gold. No burglar will try
ter cross paper. The wind GENES in under
the door or through a crack, and the papers
would crack. II q mouse came out and ran
across the paper everybody yelled thief, and
two old msids up there that tried the paper
racket. But it didn't work. They got
scared too often. A couple OF fellows got
in, and the old women screamed, but the
fellows went right along and went through
every blessed thing in the house with the
old women screaming murder and thief at
the top of their voices The boys didn't
care. They knew nobody would come.
The old women had been trying papers for
a week. and every night they had walked
| up uhe neighborhood yelling If breeze stir
| red paper. The men got tiredgo' goin' over
an never finding anybody there, an SO
they stopped, an let the old women yell all
they wanted to. The papers didn't work
| that time. But in ordinary cases il q woman
1
dog an baby. an spread papers around
no thief unless he was a murderer, too
| would go near that house.
| 1.-THE best way for woman to do if she
woke up and found a man at work in heI
room would be to keep very still and pre-,
tend she was still sleeping, or, if he knew
that she had seen him, TO obey bis orders
and keep still. IL he thought she had sub
United, he won'5 watch her so hard, and
it would give her time to think what to do
THERE'S one thing, though that would be
| bao for a woman. IL q burglar left her room
by the door she ought TO listen to his foot
step or watch the light O. his lantern. an
she don't want to get out O. bed OF move
until be is well out OF hearing. A man who
goes out that way will always stop wher
ne has gone few feet from the door where
a woman is, and, if he hears her jump out
| of bed at once, he suspects what she's up to-
and would then escape by the nearest win
dow and be out of reach, or else he would &C
back an make 1t dangerous for her. She
wants ter be cunnin', Then she eau catch
him. IL was a smart girl and cool CIR
| that got away with fellow l know. E(
had got into the second-story window
and had just about landed, when he heard
| two women come in. He crawled under the
bed and got out o. sight. The women came
in and uudressed and got into bed. When
| he thought they had been In bed long