The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1892-01-03
BILL NYE IN EGYPT.
Waving Corn Where Joseph and
Pharaoh Used to Flourish.
The HELPING HAND SERMONS.
Trouble at the Saunders Eating Works
An Actor Explains How His Com
pany Came to Bust.
copyright, 1891, by Edgar W. Nye.


IN THE Corn REGIONS OF EGYPr. Jusr
OUTSIDE THE CITY LIMITS OF CHICAGO. Dec.
Is Especial Correspondence Leaving
che last residences of South Chicago lit
tie to our right half an hour ago. We sud-
denly found ourselves in Egypt, the corn
growing region of Southern Illinois. the
richest agricultural region ever saw, ex-
ceptlng. perhaps, some portions of France,
which do not count, for / claim that the
large yellow dent corn of commerce can
only be raised successfully in the English
language.
can almost imagine as | write these
lines, resting my tablet against the slum-
berlng sub-bOsom of n fat man with
/ massive rosewood legs, and as / ever and
anon get up to be brushed off by the porter
and then settle back again to my writing,
say can almost imagine Josephs COM
ing down here from his own home as a
slave, pursued by bloodhounds possibly
and becoming private secretary to Gov
ernor Fifer mayhap.
Anon l see him try to wean a young
Egyptian steer calf by putting his finger
in the calls mouth and holding his head
tthe calls head) in q pail of warm milk
Anon | see Joseph's feet fly out rom
with gallon of the milk of unkindness
down the back of his neck. Such is life in
Egypt under the Pharaohan regime
wrote to the Helping Hand bureau of
Chicago several weeks ago, using, by per-
mission, the name of our agent, and ask
ing for a sermon. The Helping Hand
bureau supplies sermons at a dollar a pair
to clergymen who are suddenly overtaken
with that tired feeling. Much has been
said in Chicago within the past regarding
this bureau, and of course it has been
hoped upon by all right-minded clergy
men.
wrote for a sermon of the purring and
somnolent variety, and got one for so
cents which astonished me to death almost
by reason of its accuracy in filling the bill
and meeting the demands of my letter
The sermon was addressed to our agent,
Ell route, / having attached the reverend
to his name and borrowing his address for
fear that the shrewd but goddess bureau on
Dearborn street might suspect a Job.
May | introduce paragraph from this
sermon which the bureau prepares while
you wait? Let me just give you few
lines. You cannot be wholly bad after
you have done. If you are like me, after
you have done hot tears will be PLAYING
tag down your massive cheeks and falling
with q silvery PUNK on the costly prayer
rug. You may thing that the words are
mine, the word painting is SO good and so
lofty, but I assure you, gentle and glori-
fed reader, they are not. This is the
method of dividing up the subject:
AFFLICrIoNs MAY BE:
g., crr,uta4;r va How cumulative.
l. '''''''' 10 Why cumulative.
q n;soi,l;rarv "a How disciplinary
- 1900 ID Why disciplinary.
. Cor-oo,;,,a "a How corrective.
o. N'4'''''''''''' ID Why corrective.
. 1.o+,,;uo "a How tentative.
A~''"'A'''''''''''' ID Why tentative.
Etc. Etc. Etc
At Saunders. n c., the other day we
found new thing in the way of eating
houses. Saunders is station where two