The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1892-11-14
.AGONIES OF AN AGENT
His Heroism Equals That Of
Engineer or Dispatcher.
pEn,TENT,ARY yAwNs FOR HIM.
ThriIllng Experience N = Reporter who
Had Tried 1.-THE Law Makes
His Mistakes Crimes.

Ms S4lotSAcs NElmcos
.'No, no more raiiroading in NINE said
hungry reporter. las he tilted his chair
back and elevated his heels on the desk
that the city editor called his when he was
there. There are some things in this
world I'm not adapted for. That's one Of
them" The rest of the late watch gath
cred round with EXPLANATIONS of amnse-
ment and surprise. and he continued:
"You see, once applied to division
superintendent Mt for a job, and was assured
that my application would be considered
the very first vacancy that occurred. Then
i waited. The suspense was not especially
trying to me- but conld see was wear
ing on the friends with whom was board
ing. considerably. One day, however. the
caller-the man who rounds up the tram
men when they are wanted to 60 OFT on q
special-came round with note request
ing me to call at the superintendent
Office. OF course complied with the re-
quest and was told that they wanted me to
act as assistant at a small place called
Beaufort, or something like that.
Il wanted to know if would have time
to pack my grip, but they seemed to think
such delay would materially prejudice
the interests of the road. so grabbed a
pass and made for the train, which man
aged to catch after a brief but exciting
chase. Then my grief. as the railroad men
call it. began.
"'This train don't stop at Beaufort,
young feller,' said the conductor, as he
calmly pocketed my pass and proceeded
on his rounds. would have liked to
asked him what / was expected to do
about it. but his countenance was so stern
and forbidding that did not dare to.
I'VE were rapidly nearing my destina-
ton and something had to be done. SO
informed brakeman OF my predicament.
and he very kindly volunteered to ask
Fatty Duff to slow down little at Beau
fort and let me off. presume he did so,
yet. if there was any reduction in the
speed of the train, it was 50 slight that my
unpracticed eye failed to detect it. The
brakeman encouraged me. however. and
as there appeared to be no alternative,
when we were nearly abreast of the plat
form let go and dropped.
II did not light right away, however.
but when did land the conclusion was
something awful, and as rolled over and
over it seemed to me that must have
gathered up about all the splinters there
were in that platform in different portions
of my anatomy. l was still gyrating
when the last car whizzed by. heard
the hind brakeman's timely warning,
Look out, young man. you'll tear your
clothes
ut was rickety old station. The wallis
were frescoed with mashed tomatoes /;
M fr,,it hov hovp oh nd
watermelon rinds scattered about the
platform exhaled a faded and depressing
odor, and the only visible indication of
life or death was the swarms of dies buzz
ing drowsily in the hot sunshine.
picked my way to the Office and presented
my credentials to the agent, q tall, lank
man with long neck, careworn features,
and stiff hat that looked out of place in
such rural Surroundings. He was alb
sorbed in newspaper, and 1t was some
time before he noticed me. At length,
however, he threw down the paper, read
my letter and invited me to make myself
at home.
"'I'm sick and tired of this business.
he said. The works enough to kill a
mule, but It's the injustice and lack Of APP
probation that makes me hot. You can't
pick up paper without seeing lot of rot
about the herolsm of locomotive engineers
and the terrific responsibility that makes
train dispatchers hump-shouidered before
their time, but never word about station
agents;
would think an engineer went through
life with his eye glued to the rail and a
death grip on the lever, and that train
| -
sopping his head with hair vigor to keep
it from turning gray in single night. But
look at the facts.
".Any track walker can TIL you that an
engine er is asleep NICE than half the
time when he is out on the line. and that
the only way to call his attention to a
slow flag or stop signal is to heave rock
through the cab window: while as for the
train dispatcher, we all know that he is a
petty tyrant with an eight-hour trick,
whose most arduous duties consist In
rawhiding us poor wretches on the line.
bulldozing us into sending him regular
tribute of fruit, fresh eggs and butter.
Heroism? Responsibility? Well, if it
| amt enough to give a person a distaste
for strong drink and he disappeared in
| the direction of a saloon about half q
mile down the track.
when he returned he gave me an idea
| Of my duties as an agent.
"'You're familiar with the interstate
tariff and the transcontinentai classified
| ton. presume said he.
II was Obliged to confess my ignorance.
THAT'S bad he replied. You had
better sit right down and familiarize your
| self with them. You'll find them righ.
| there in ali those flies. Besides the tariffs,
| there are ia supplements and 1,6il
amendments, in addition to .. 2s6 circulars
| that you should post up on. Then there
| are the special commodity tariff rates and
| modified rulings as applied to the different
tariffs, and the new rulings--there's ass
| of 'em-that have appeared since the last
| classification was issued. After you get
| all these down pat, 1t would be we'll to de.
vote little time to the local classified.
! tions and tariffs. Learn the the terminal
| points and get the routing instruction
| committed to memory. Hello! there's
that freight come at last. Tell 'em there's
| nothing Tor 'em. I've got to go across the
street and collect some bills. You can
check out any freight they've got, and
| again he withdrew.
Then the conductor walked in and
said: Ask i'm if he's got anything 70,
| No. 81
| II put the question to the train dis.
patcher over the wire, and he answered