Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1892-07-30
PITH AND POINT.
A slim diet-Auti- fat.

A man may run into debt, but he sell.
dom comes out at anything faster than
a walk. Washington Star.
Lemon pies are now made without
eggs. The lemons have long since been
discarded. -Texas Sittings.
Know myself. If YOU haven't the
pleasure ofthe gentlemln's acquaintance,
get an introduction from your wife,
Puck.
A man who buttons his suspenders on
a tenpenny nail will never borrow money
enough to break it.--Binghamton Re
publican.
"Don't you think baby is like mamma,
George" asked Mrs. Honeyton. Very
He talks all the time but never says
anything New York Herald.
This is the most unkindest cut of
ALL" Marc Antony remarked when he
saw portrait of himself in Roman
newspaper Boston Transcript.
We paddle on the river;
What pleasure such as this,
Although we are not marrlei
1t is canos-5lal bliss.
Life.
A promising journalist having capitu-
lated to the destinations of a bright Bos-
ton girl, that cruel creature nov aIludes
to him as her papIer mache.-Fexss
Siftings.
Junior Partner (whcn the expert had
finished his examination of Mr. Lejjer's
books)-''Is he short in his sccouuts"'
Expert-"No, sir; it's his cash which is
short. Detroit Free Press.
Questionable Mother-"What ii
sweet child How old is she?" Fash
ionable Mother We'll, really, if you
are going to ask that sort of question,
I'd better send for the nurse. Punch.
When sas gave him her little hand
He was so much in love,
He little thought that every week
'rwoulI need u bran new glove.
Cloak Review.
what, asked the European tourist,
sis the most exclusive class in this coun-
try?" THE most exclusive?" repeated
a man from California The Chinese,
emphatically. San Francisco Exam
liner.
" It's true, it's pity, and pity It's
it's true," that the gentleman with Il
forty-eight inch waistbani, in most
towns, thinks himself a "pro nineut cit
izen," when he is merely protuberant
one.-Puck.
Bloobumper-"Benny, why do you
refer to your uncle as shea" Benny
"Because he Is a soldier" But what of
that2" "Meu-of- are always spoken
of in the feminine gender. Detroit
Free Press.
Patient-"Oi, [ feel certain that my
malady is incuralabIc" Doctor-''But
hope that you will allow me to prove
that it is not" PatienJ-"No; II am
opposed to autopsies. Kate Field S
Washington.
Aided By the moral support Of new
suit of clothes, even weak mau may
rise to greatness; but it takes strong
man to maintain respectable average
when his trousers begin to bag at the
knees Puck.
He latter many days. -"Do YOU think
as some do, that love is a discaseI'
She (rrsponsively aud hopetully)--
"Really, can't say what it is; but
think-T-I am sure it is catching. -
Detroit Free Press.
Primus-"Jeukins the lawyer,i is very
happy in addressing a jury. Why isn't
he better as an altcr-dinner speaker"
Secundus-"B Because in the latter case
his dinner doesn't depend upon his
speech. "-Life's Calendar.
DR.. Griffiu-''I must say the world is
very ungrateful toward our profession.
How seldom one sees public memorial
erected to doctor" Mrs. Golightly-
Chow seluoml o doctor, think of our
cemeteries. London Globe.
"This is the first poem ever wrote,
sir, said the caller, handing q manu-
script to the editor. "The1 | could not
for moment think Of taking it from
you, replied the generous editor, hand
ing it back.-Brooklyn Life.
That the COW jumped over the moon mons
doubt
lis plain to this very day,
Her course through the beavens we sin
make out,
And we cali 1t the Milky Way.
Truth.
squildig-"I have a suggestion to
make in regard to the political fence. u
McSwilligen -"Weiil' squildig-"Tho
suggestion is that it be built of barbed
wire. There is too much sitting on