The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1892-02-25

lSheQ Oy the mCSt
& W of men. Below we
~ - spread before our
~ readers a few bits
of wit and humor cleaned from vari-
Gus sources thrown in by way of dl-
versity. Read and laugh and you'll
feel better perhaps.
Mrs. Ipstein-Vot for are you bow
ing and scraping to dot man3 Is he
friend ofyours9'
Mr.. Ipstein-No, dot is Mr.. Soaker;
he has been dree monts by dot Kelley
Cure, und his system is shock full ohf
gold.-Pnek.
Magistrate-Now, then, Mccarthy,
no prevarication. Tell all that passed
between you and the defendant.
McCarthy--Brickbats, your honor;
list brickbats.-San Francisco bnIle-
tin.
Madison Squcer-They say that
one half of the world doesn't know
how the other half lives.
Morrison Essex-The man who
wrote that never lived in small town.
- Puck.
Tudge---One year and $50 fine.
Prisoners Lawyer---I would like to
make a motion to have that sentence
reversed.
Judge---All right. Fifty years and
81 fine. Life.
Soon we will look in vain tor any spot
For what
Can not
Be got
By dropping dimes or nickels in the
slot. Washington Star.
Two periods in mans life the erbe
Which bring to him much woe
And one is when the mustache he
Would raise comes out too SLOW.
The other comes when (period dread
That comes to all at last)
He sees the hair upon his head
Is coming out too fast,
Bell Boy (excitedly to hotel clerk
-"Lightning has struck through into
499, SIR
Clerk-"Is 4oo hurt - .
Bell Boy-"No, sir; he's all right. -
Clerk (to bookkeepeD - "Charge
400 S. for extra heat. lift.
Merritt much did your last
church pay you7"
Rev. DR.. Primrose---"Five hun
dred."
Merritt---"I thought your salary
was several times that"
Rev. DR.. Primrose e---'So it was.
Lady of the house (to Irish servant)
---Bridget, this is altogether, too
much; you have new follower in the
kitchen every week.
Bridget---Well, ma Fam, ye see, the
food in this house is SO bad that no.
body'll come here for longer than a
week !---7Id Bits.
Featherstone.-"I tell you, old
man, you ought to be in with a girl
like Miss Grosgrain. Her father trav-
els great deal, and while he is away
we have a lovely time" Ringway-
" What do you do when he comes
home?" Featherstone-"T Then trav-
el."--E1eAange.
Twas II o'clock. He had started to 60,
And his hat he nervously fingered,
And they stood in the hall-Mary Jane
And H he III fingered, and fingered, and
fingered.
And fingered, and fingered, and fingered,
and fingered,
And fingered, and fingered and fingered
And fingered, and fingered, and fingered,
While his hat he nervously fingered
Chicago Tribune.
Cumso (after his return from the
parlor )-"Lou, what made you say
there was a gentleman and his little
son in the parlor ?"
Miss Cumso-"The maid said there
was man there with little bill, and
l thought she meant boy named Will
liam."- The Epoch.
First Stranger-And SO you went
off and let your wife get a divorce
from you so she could marry young
er and handsomer man?
Second Stranger-Jesso.
First Stranger-Wasn't that rather
uncalled for self-sacrihce?
Secon, Stranger-N-o. l hated
the other man.-N y Weekly.
Tommy's mother had hard time
teaching him to remember always to
say, "If you please" at the table
His memory is lamentably bad. The
other day this dialogue took place at
the table
Tommy Mamma, hand me the
butter
Mamma-1f what, Tommy
Tommy-If you kin reach it.
Head Of Firm-Mr. Penwiper, you
have been very faithful to us this year,
and we have decided to show our ap'
probation.
Penwiper-Yes. sir. l have tried
to do my duty.
Head OF Firm-So we have OBJ
served, Penwiper, and in view of thi:
fact we have decided not to reduce
your salary on the first.-C3othier ana
q. Eurnishe,.