Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-10-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Knights of labor-When the baby's
teething New York News.
"Every man has his price," "What-
is Jobson's2" "He gives himself away"
Puck.
When grain field has got about all it
can hold it is ready for some mower
Texas Siftings.
The aeronaut loves his balloon. In
fact, he's completely taken up will it.
Binghamton Leader.
"How's trader" inquired Chumplefsh
of his tailor. "Oh, just sew sew
Kate Fields Washington.
After the pickpocket has succeeded IN
getting his hlrd in he takes things cas-
ily.--Binghamton Leader.
Before Marriage: He-"Kiss me, Car
rie." Alter marriage: She-"Klss me,
Harry. y."-Boston Transcript.
A girl may not want to wear her love
on her sleeve, but she usually likes to
have her lover there.-Statesman
There is fat man down in the Neck
who is so close listed that he even hates
to perspire freely-Philadelphia Record.
Amenities in Wyoming. Bella-"How
old is Miss Simpson," Stella-"Old
enough to te."-Chicago News Re
cord.
"How are you getting alongs" asked
the farmer of the miller. ''Same old
grind" was the latter's reply.-Detroit
Free Press.
A late. fad is to make ice cream in the
shape of billiard balls. The boys are ex
pected to take the cue at once.-Chicago
Inter Ocean.
Clara-'I want something to match
my head tonight. What would you
wear2" Maude-" -"Something light. y
Detroit Free Press.
The STORY that the brewers throughout
the country are purchasing grasshoppers
to get their hops for making beer is said
to be incorrect.-Carlisle Herald.
"Does man have to be Christian to
get through college, nowadaysp "Not
at all, but he must be a muscle man,
without doubt. boston Courier.
"Do you refuse me on account of my
agea l am only fifty-fve." THAT'S
Just it. You may live fifteen or twenty
years yet."-Indianapolis Journal
He-''Congratulate me. l have just
resisted temptation" She-"What
was the temptation" He-"To pro-
pose to you. New York Herald.
The gentleman, so often mentioned in
novels, who riveted people with the gaze,
has now obtained permanent employment
at boiler manufactory.- Moon.
Bella explaining with difficulty
"Er-do you follow me, Mr.. Masher2"
Masher-"Uml Pm after you, Miss
Fadds, it that's whas you mean|-Tid
Bits.
.tMercy!" cried Juliet. "This glove
is tight" 81, too, should be intoxica-
ted," rapturously responded Romeo,
''were I glove upon that hand. "--Har-
per's Bazaar.
The tenor who attempted to whip the
editor of the Dramatic Gazette for a
sharp criticism, when he got through
had no ear for music. The editor had
both of them.-New York News.
Mr.. Bullion-"You are far too young
to marry my daughter. You are only
eighteen" Tom-"Yes, sir, but Miss
Julia is thirty-four, so the two of us
would average about right. Jester.
A barrister observed to learned
brother in court that he thought his
whiskers very unprofessional. "You are
! right" replied his friend; "a lawyer
cannot be too barefaced. >. Tit Bits.
Mike-ssIt's like ovid times to see
you again, Pat. Why did you nlver
wroite me letther since last we metz"
Pat-"Oi didn't know yer address,
Moike" Mike-"Thin why in the name
O. sinse, did yc not WROTE fur itf"--
Harper's Bazaar.
Always pass the fruit to everybody
else before helping yourself. Common
politeness will induce your company to
leave the choicest specimens upon too
plate, and when it comes to your turn
you can eat then without exciting re-
mark.-Boston Transcript.
Papa-"Well, Tommy, and how did
you like it2" Tommy (who has been
taken to church for the first time)-
every much, indeed. Everybody had to
keep veiy quiet, but one man stood up
and talked the whole time, and at last
we all had to get up and sing to keep
him quiet. Pick -Me-Up.
Mudge-"Judge Billigus is a remark
ably easy man to get acquainted with,
don't you think2" Vabsley-"I never
noticed it." Mudge-"Hc is, though.
hadn't known him for over an hour be-
fore borrowed dollar of him, and in
side of the next hour we got so well
acquainted that he refused to lend me
another one. e."-Indianapolis Journal.