Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1892-01-20
GLOON DISPELLERS.
A buy-word-nHOw mnchr

Why hasn't tho debt Of nature besI
paid; she's got the rocksr
| A girl will naturally express can.
died opinion of the young man who IL
constantly bringing her confectionery
Girls solemnly promise to be the wives
or doctors, lawyers or business men,
But when the wedding day arrives
Tho minister usually mArries them.
First Newspaper Msn-"Did you do
any literary work on your voyage
across" Second Newspaper Man
eyes, l contributed extensively to the
| Atlantic"
81 hear that young Lazie passed kii
examination in anatomy with honors !;
/ did he have private tutor?" "No,
he won't in bathing every day al
Asbury Park"
Accepted Suitor-"Won't you find
it awkward when you meet your other
two husbands In hesven~ Interesting
Widow-''I don't expect to meet either
of them there"
Omaha Wife-"I see that even Sui
livan is a monopolist." Husband -
"So2 l thought he was among the
strikers" Wife "No, ell of his
! 'mills' are in 'the ring"
scare you fond of diamonds, Mr..
De Smythe3" said young lady.
"Well," said he, absent mindedly,
"that would naturally depend on what
was trumps, wouldn't it?"
| Mr. Oldbeau-"And your husband ?"
Widow-"In heaven these two years"
! Mr.. Oldbeau -"I'm shocked at the
newsl He and l used to go out to-
gether. never would have dreamed
It."
"Pa" Gnquired Bobby, as they were
returning from revivalist meeting), =,
"why, do those people shout so loud;
is God deaf" "No, Bobby, but in a
case of that kind, He is a good way
off,"
81 really don't see what Is the matter
with my razor today. 1t is SO dull that
it don't cut at ALL" said Johnny's pa.
"Why, pa" said Johnny, sit was
sharp the other day, when 1 used it to
make ship ith."-Epoch.
"Mrs. MscPowers, don't be sftheI
pokin' yer tongue out at me, but act
loike lady for wunst an come outside
the door for moment an Oil make
the ugly face O. you look loike the
Pan Handle Route to Chicago!"
"What on earth Is the matter with
that razor" shouted the victim, as he
writhed in the barber's chair. "Deed,
sab, dere isn't muffin de mattah wuf
de razsh, but you whiskahs sutny acks
ez If dey'd bin nickel plated"
Sharpe-"Just give that messenger
;all whirl, will you" Clerk-"Yes,
sir. What shall tell the boy when
he comes" Sharpe "Send him
! around to the telephone office to notify
them that want TO use the telephone. ]"
America.
Multiplying the candle power
"Miss Kelly, Oi notice yez got yez
new mirror" "Yis; Oh thought
'twould be more economy to buy wan
to set the candle in front av, soze to
have two candles than to burn q kero-
chine lamp. Judge.
Mrs. Coldtea-"We must plan an
extra fine dinner for tomorrow.
1t is Mr.. Coldtea's birthday. Let me
see; what shall we have for the piece
de resistance?" New boarder-"Why
not have the usual piece de resistance
the steak ?"-America.
Pity her husband-City dame (who
has bought little farm)-''Mary, all
those fresh eggs are soft, go out in the
barn and see if some of the chickens
haven't laid some hard-boiled eggs;
Pm going to make a salad" Mary
"Ics, mum. From Time.
"Well, my dear, how would Farmer
Brown suit you for a husband? He
seems to be uncommon sweet on you
lately" "Perhaps, SO, father; but his
hair is so red that" "True, true,
my child; but you should recollect that
there is very little of it."-Judge.
Coming home from picnic: John
"But, now, look here, Suse, do you
doubt that love youw Susan-'NOt
bit of it, John, know you wouldn't
have squandered sixty cents for ice
cream and things unless you were in
dead earnest. ."-Rochester Post Ex-
press.
Perils of the Summer Outing-Mr.
Dudley Spunger-"Oh, l say, chappie,
we cawn't stay here. My tailors
registered and / owe him n cool hun
dred." Mr.. Flashly Borem-"Fm
with you, old man, / borrowed fifty of
Charley Lawrence yesterday, and he's
here, too. boston Beacon.
Something wrong-A child who had
Just mastered her catechism confessed
herself disappointed, because, she said,
''though l obey the fifth command
ment, and honor my papa and mamma,
yet my many days are not bit longer
in the land, because l am still put to
bed at O'Clock. Times of India.
al don't believe you have been TO the
Sunday school. You've been in
swimming. Your hair is wet and
your trousers are hindpart foremost"
''Well you see, mar, l was rmnin' So
hard to Sunday school that my head
got wet wild perspiration, and then /
fell down, and i was going go fast /
turned over in my trousers"
The Bitter Before She Sweet.-Jin-
my-"Mamma, | wish you'd lick me
real good and hard" Mother (sur-
prised) you'll Why, Jimmy,
you haven't done anything wrong,
have youW Jimmy-"No; but me
an Bill Jones are gon' swiinmin,'
and you know you told me you'd lick
me if went, 50 thought I'd enjoy
the swim good deal better if you'd
do it beforehand. Lawrence AhA1ri-
can.
WE owe the invention of visiting
.ards to the Chinese. They were Grst
nsed durinp the Tong DYNASTY (6lS-