The Dickinson press., 1892-04-23
A Dickinsonian in H

dice, idly tapping the massive, golden
bars with his heavy entrance key. 1t
had been such u time since st. Peter
had found anyone worthy of admit
lance, that the key had rusted from
long disuse, and great flakes of rust,
loosened by the tapping dropped upon
his neatly attired limbs. St. Peter
sighed: 81 wish.' lie muttered 81 wish
l was out of this position. or else til; t
some person would arrive here, whose
earthly life has been of sufficient pu.
rity to warrant his entrance. I'm
tired of issuing passports to the lower
dominions. 1t seems to nc that Sa-
tan gets more than his share of pat
ronage. I'll have to make this en-
trance examination easier, or,-hello!"
He turned quickly. and found Il
stranger spirit, faultlcssly attired,
surveying him with IL calm, critical
smile. "Good morning." said st. Pc
ter, bowling stif1y. "You should re-
move your hat, when addressing me,
sir;'' said the stranger spirit, grandly,
"and, while the bow you made was
fairly good, a more humble obeisance
would be in stricter conformance with
my station in life. l am from Dick
inson. Peter, Dickinson, the county
seat of Stark county, the wheat grow
ing country of the world"
"Dickinson!' almost shouted st. Pc.
ter, II beg your pardon, most hum
bly," he went on alphabetically, "but
when you said Dickinson. you startled
me, for we were lately told that. as
soon as any one arrived from that city,
some of the best of us would have to
Surrender III positions to those most
worthy people. There, take my keys,
sir," he continued. wearily, ''you, be.
ing from Dickinson, are so much filter
than l to judge of mems goodness, that
l feel sadly out of place"
"Keep your keys, Peter" said the
Dickinsonian, carelessly, "and take
this cigar, it's a good one, for l bought
it at Freeman's just before l died.
Some evil disposed person might say
there was something suggestive in the
purchase of these cigars and my death
coming so nearly together, ibut there
is nothing in it, Peter, absolutely
nothing in it,"
"Come inside, your HONOR" said
Peter, as he grasped, greedily, the eX-
tended cigar, s'and sit down. How
are prospects in Dickinson" he quer-
ried pleasantly.
sob, fair, fair absently responded
the stranger, you have quite a nice
place here in!Heaven, Peter" lie com.
mentcd, surveying the immediate
vicinity. "Of course, it is not quite
SO NICE us our town, but we must E't
expect too much, you know Peter"
NO" answered the gate keeper,
"but we're thinking of sending
Gabriel down to Dickinson to get a
few pointers, and then we hop, to
have things up in shape"
"Where is your principal hotel, Pc.
ter" questioned the stranger. as with
that inlmitable sang froid which
characterizes the Dickinsonian, every
where, he leaned over and inhaled the
fragrant perfume from the tasty bo-
quet in Peters buttonhole. "15et you
haven't anything to compare with the
Kidder or the Willard"
ooh, no. no." exclaimed Peter, s'still,
we have some very nice hotels. Oh,
by the way he suggested, chow
would you like to go below and see
the lower regions. The elevator goes
down at two. There's the bell, now!
Come on"
"Wait, Peter, don't hurry me, Tn
a little sore from Dickinson foot ball,
yet" he cried, us he arose and follow
t ed the Saint. The elevator was moi
long in making the descent, and thu
, Dickinsonian was Don engaged ii
friendly conversation with Mephisto
pheles.
81 believe" said that renowned indi
] vidual, as he adjusted his glasses, ant
glanced over his poll list, 81 believe
. have some of your fellow townsmel
under my immediate Jurisdiction"
"Who are they!" queried the Dick
t %insonian, eagerly.
sob, it wouldn't do, at all to tel
that, for it might get out, you know
- and make their relatives in Dickinson
feel bad. There is some of 'em now,
he exclaimed, pointing his long, lea
fore finger at a group of men. WIN
e were busily engaged in getting out 0
the way of a shower of fiery birthstone
"Why are they here?" asked til
q Dickinsonian.
ooh, they are the men who bull
the Dickinson Sidewalks" answere
c Mephistopheles, with a meaning lool
81 nearly broke my neck on the beast
ly sidewalks once, when 1 was i
.e Dickinson" he continued. 81 wa
there in the interest of the law,-th
prohibition law he chuckled, sarcas
tically.
4. just then ali awful, crashing, grint
ing sound vas heard. Mephistopheiej
d used as lie was to such things, coul
:. not endure it, but jabbed both thuml
~ into his ears. Dickinsonian was drive
nearly frantic.
"Wh-a.a-t's that?!" he gasped.
d "Nothing, nothing" said Satal
u soothingly, "Lucretia Borgia is mer.
ID ly practicing on the piano you used t