The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1892-12-09
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VARIETIES.

bhh1LIlE1.
IF there is anything I dislike,n
said Bliggins as the editor returned his
witty effort, Sits a man who won't
take joke
Some one says: 1.-The mischiev-
Gus boy is like locomotive off the
track" And, we may remark, that
wrecked locomotive is generally caus-
ed by a misplaced switch.
q think young Porper is very
much smitten with Fannie, said Mrs.
Hankinson. "Well, he'll be sinitten
with crowbar if | catch him around
here" returned the old man.
Husband going off on a hunt
II know I'll miss you while I'm away,
dearest Wife-''Of course you will.
You always miss everything when you
are off hunting
-Gasket-"I have decided to marry
and settle up" Dolley-"Most of the
people marry and settle down." Gas
ket-"But | AIN going to marry the
rich Miss Roxy and pay my debts"
-Prunella-"Did you tell him l
was out, Marie % Her Maid-"Yes,
ma am" Prunella-''Did he seem to
believe you ?" Her Maid-'Not until
l said that you told me to tell him 500
THE little Boston boy was hear
ing the story for the first time. "And
what do you suppose Jack found when
the beanstalk grew p said his nurse.
Il known what ~ Some pork .
Returned Traveller be-
come of that Miss Bluestock, who
used to lecture every winter p Host
-"She's doctor now" "That SO i?
What kind of a doctor - ga female
doctor.''
They had been discussing the
pronunciation of "oleomargarine,'
and finally agreed to leave it to the
waiter, but he hedged. Sure" said
he, Il have to pronounce it butter or
lose my job"
Mrs. Slimson-"Willie, since you
have been playing with that little
Rawson boy your clothes don't last
half so long as they did; Willie-'I
can't help it, ma. He's the only boy
in the neighborhood l can lick'
Whenever a man asserts that the
world owes him living, and that he
will secure it at all hazards, he will
soon find that the world is so anxious
to pay its debts that it will lock him
up to compel him to accept the pay
ment.
Lady Ito colored laundress)e "Well
Aunt Chloe, how is your husband to-
day?' Aunt Chloe (gloomily)-"He
amt no better, Miss Mary. He's
done gone on new inscription, but
de doctors got mighty serious hopes
bout his discovery.
A birthday gift by the father and
the three daughters of the family to
the mother was thus naively an
nounced to that lady by the youngest.
girl of ten: Dear mamma, this is
presented to you by your three chill
dren and your one husband.
-''Patrick, you were on a bad
spree Yesterday" "Yis, Mr.. Ellis, |
was" Bless me, il ] weren't a-layin'
in the gutter wild pig. Father Ryan
came along, looked at me, an says he,
''One is known by the company they
kape. Aud DID you got HP, Pat
rick p No, but the pig did,
Among the various anecdotes re-
lated of Sturgeon is the following:
When he united with the Baptists, his
mother said :-"Charles, we prayed
that you might become a Christian,
but not that you might become Bap-
tist" The reply was Yes, mother,
the Lord often gives us more than we
ask for.n
-'Bring Inc half a cup" said the
master of the house to the new DOM
este. BE sure to remember that [
always want half q cup for my second
helping" The girl returned with a
piece of wrecked china, which she
laid before him. ITS near half as
| could get it, sor," she said. ''The
knife were dull"