The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1892-03-28

The Editor Thinks lie Is OF Some 40.
count I'm a Lively Town.

count I'm Lively Town.
The former mayor of this town was
good hearted man, but utterly unfit 10
FIJI the high and responsible position.
Strangers used TO find him SO boozy that
he couldn't tell an Eastern professor from
a Chicago embezzler, and II speech OF
welcome was TO be made he paid Jim Saw
age, the City Clerk, $40 To stutter IL off
and ring in a dozen or more Latin phrases.
Since we were elected mayor by an over
whelming majority the boys see great
difference. We permit no games OF old
sledge in the mayors office. We are
never drunk. We always have on white
shirt, and when "A stranger calls we well
come him in neat little speech without
anything but plain English. Although
elected only month ago, We have already
been told that we are good for two or
three more terms, and we may add that
we have already begun laying wires for
reelection.
A SAD DUTY.-Our subscribers will bear
witness that we have never mentioned
our contemporary when we could possi-
bly, avoid it. We have no quarrel with
him. He runs an alleged weekly paper
which has 430 subscribers, including
deadheads. lie can neither shoot nor
started small copper shop. We never
think of him without feeling of pity,
and have always stood ready TO lend him
our card cutter or furnish him with
enough old patent medicine cuts to I'LL up
his fourth page.
However, unless our esteemed ceases TO
pitch into US as editor and mayor, we shall
have sad euty to perform. We shall
have TO publish the evidence in our pos
session that he stole hogs in New Hamp-
shire and was obliged to leave that State
between two days TO save his bacon. We
don't want to interfere with a man who
has come West to make O new start in
life, but he must not interfere. A word
to the wise is sufficient. Let us alone and
we will keep quiet about the hogs; con-
tinue to pitch into US and we will give
the number (seven), the color (spotted),
and the name of the man George White)
from whom they were stolen.
Too BUsY.-We are In receipt OF an in
vitation to deliver an address before the
Oregon Society of Archaeology on the I'd
of April next, taking as our subject the
artificial antiquit4es OF Arizona. We must
decline with thanks. While Arizona has
lots of artificial antiquities, OF which all
Of us are justly proud, we are too busy TO
handle the subject as 1t ought to be han
died, and we have no railroad pass to take
us to Portland and return.
We are now editor and proprietor of a
great weekly, mayor of the town, owner
OF the only concert hall, and the only
capitalist in the place who can lend a
man $50 without selling a mule or a
pair of revolvers. In addition, we con-
duct a grocery, feed store, harness
shop, hardware store, butcher shop, and
gun store, and furnish daily weather re-
ports from the tower OF our Office. 1t will
thus be seen that our time must be fully
occupied.
UNDER CoNsIDERATIoN.-Th editor of
the Kicker (who is ourself) and the mayor
of this town (who Is ourself) are in re-
ceipt of invitations TO attend the opening
OF the Pacific poker rooms next week. As
editor Of the Kicker we shall accept the
invitation, but as mayor we may have to
decline il. We have the matter under
consideration, and have written TO the
mayors of several other towns for advice.
1t doesn't seem to us to be exactly the
proper thing for the mayor OF this town
to attend the opening of public gamb-
ling place. AS editor of the Kicker he
has no objection to going, but official
dignity must be considered and main
tanned. 1t will be a sacrifice for us not to
attend, but we were elected to make
sacrifices, and shall not complain.
Our contemporary came out yesterday
with the announcement that the mayor
was loafing in the Red Front saloon
Saturday evening, to the detriment of
his dignity. 1t is not true. AS editor OF
the Kicker we went in for nip. AS
mayor, after the nip had been disposed
of, we took loaf around to see If the
ordinance was being violated in any man
ner.-N. Y. Sun.