Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-04-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Sometimes it pays to walk. Ohio has
a tramp who is worth $500, ,000.-Wash-
ington Post.
Some people talk about turning things
over in their minds as if their heads were
hollow.-Galveston News.
Perhaps it is too much to expect that
the man who uses big words should fur
nish big ideas along with them.-Somer-
vile journal.
"Your bill;" said the tailor, sis over
due" "That's bad English" replied
the customer, ''you should say over
dun. New York Sun.
"Were you ever in dissecting room,
Dickey2" "No, but I've seen our friend
Splitthumb after he's been playing foot
ball. st. Joseph News.
Gentlemen about to be hanged will be
pleased to learn, on expert medical au-
thority, that a discolation of the neck is
not fatal.-Chicago News.
New York and Chicago should each
build tower so high as to enable them
to see when they are making faces at
each other.-Courier-J Journal.
A woman is never known to advertise
for the return of stolen property "and
no questions asked" She would ask
questions OF d1e--TexUs eiftinss.
''Did her father kick you out2" tNo;
he missed me, lost his balance, fell on
his face, and carried him into the house
and was forgiven. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
What though love the ground she treads,
'ris valueless to me;
For have found the man she weds,
Must pay the mortgage.
Jeweler-"I tell you pawnbroking is
an obnoxious business" Friend-"Per-
haps, but you cannot deny that it has
some redeeming features. Jewellers
Circular.
Bilkins-"How de do9 Had the grip
yet2" Wilkins-"No." Bilkins-''I'm
sorry for you, old fellow. What on
earth do you talk about when you meet
peopleG"
Judge-"IfI I let you off this time will
you promise not to come back here
again?" Prisoner-'sYes, sir. The fact
is didn't come voluntarily this time"
Boston Post.
Station Agent in Africa (on the train)
--"Great Scott where is the conductori
1 don't see him." Engineer-"The
first class passengers got hungry and ate
him up."-Texas siftings.
Miss Won Gimp-'I wouldn't marry
the best man living" DIR. Perkins
"No-ah-er-perhaps not, but-er-
that is really no obstacle to your marriage
with me. ."-St. Paul Globe.
One reason why the children thirty
years ago were so much better behaved
than those of to-day is that the people
who tell about it were children thirty
years ago.-Atchison Globe.
Young Officer of Hussars Cin the park)
--''I apologize, madam, forpassing you
Just now without salutation, but you look
so charming to-day that l positively did
not recognize oul"-Fliegende Blaetter.
The latest problem DR.. William A.
Hammond takes up for discussion is,
"Have we two brains2" He could COM
fort some folks immensely by proving
fifty per cent. of it.-Philadelphia
Ledger.
Mrs. Gofrequent-"How quickly your
husband has climbed to success in his bust
ness" Mrs. Reelus Tate--t'Yes. He
had to climb. I've often heard him say
he got it on the ground floor. Chicago
Tribune.
"You have the toothache, dear? That
is too bad. What caused its" 'I
think" answered the Philadelphia
maiden, "that it came from leaving my
gums at home when went down town."
Indianapolis Journal.
Bjones-''I want you to subscribe
something toward sending an expedition
to discover the North Pole" Bjenks-
mot muchl But suppose shall have
to subscribe something toward sending
out the rescuing party" ."-Somerville
Journal.
To much has been said in dispraise Of
the piano. Now, a piano is not the
nuisance it has been charged with being.
Just lock it up and throw away the key,
and it will be found as innocent as the
utterances of professional
politician month after election.-Bos-
ton Transcript.