Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1892-12-29
mental po~ers has got ahead of my com
mon sense. What be to dor"

Before l speak you'll hev thought ii
out, Jane Eliza Reduce it to fax. Read
them to the donation party, and publish
the rest ont in the shape of a book here
after"
"Pardner of my lifep' Sez l. "A woman
that has no husband to ask advise of is a
poor forlorn critter ! will expungh the
ideas and confine myself to the fax, and
read them to the meetin."
But Jeremiah saved me the toll of this
ruther menial labor by gettin copybook
and expunghing the facts into that in his
best handwritin, while | washed up some
fannels, and on New Years eve took my
production in a neat, compact form to the
party.
1t takes IA lot of time for folks to get to
gether and say their how d'ye-do's and get
their hats off, and the appropriate time
didn't come for me to read until it was
half past 8. then | riz up. was glad
Rosy Wood was there and was glad SO
many folks were out; but | was kinder
sorry to see a stranger-a middlin aged
man, pretty bald atop-apparently some
one visitin our dominic but it couldn't be
helped. and every body was ookin at me-
and was obliged to start.
"Bretheren and sstern, sez l. Il hev
somethin here | wish to read to you 1t
is statement of the facts of the case be
twixt Tobias Starch and Miss Rosy Wood
You may say inwardly, Why rake 'em up
after twenty years of silence? Bretheren
and sistern, it was others that raked 'em
up and gave 'em wrong coloring. | stand
here for to state the truth on my solemn
Bible oath, with wafer and h stamp at
the bottom, and the names of witnesses at
tached. Some on 'em is dead and buried
but ] wrote 'em down all the same 1t is
tryin me to stand here as | do, but the
martyrs died for the truth. and Pm ready
to suffer for itp'
Here the strange gentleman with the
bald head said: "Good Good Right"
and gave me courage. and began to read:
my friends" sez |, New Years day, as
we all know, is a day here for fun and
frolicks and trick playin. They do say
that Soapstone was fust settled by folks
from Sweden, and that they had them
habits and customs and handed 'em down
to their ancestors. Perhaps it is so. Any
way we do it, and we did it more twenty
years ago, when those of us that was born
was all younger than what we be this New
Years eve. At that there time Miss Rosy
Wood. lady we ali know well, was Jest
meat and being her ma had departed this
life. and she didn't get ON with her stepma,
who is now in glory, she boarded to my
house for a spell
AT that time there was a young man
that was studying for the ministry
a-boardin with me. Most OF you remember
him. His name was Tobias Starch. He
was jest twenty. but sitter than IA poker
Laugh was not in him, nor was he ever
seen to smile, and he had been told by his
ma that girls always set their caps for
young minister's and that he must beware
Therefore he was always bewarin plain to
behold and the one he bewared of most
was Rosy Wood. She was a girl that
laughed considerable and she had way
of touchin folks on the arm when she
spoke with her nice little hand, and all
this scared Tobias Starch and made him
think she wanted for to marry him when
she wouldn't hev done it eff he'd groveled
onto his bended knees before her How
ever, Tobias went around tellin the other
students how hard it was for him to get
rid Of her attentions, and they came and
told her. and her spirit kinder riz. and she
vowed and declared that come New Years
eve she would play him such trick as
would stop his braggin about bein made
love to by the gals for good and all Kin
you blame her2"
1T served him right, ma'amr says the
strange gentleman in loud voice and
everybody else said. so 1t doosp'
Sich is the power Of popular opinion.
Rosy Wood said this" read on, land
what is more, she meant it, and when New
Years eve came she was ready. Mr.. Starch
always shut himself into his room to study
after tea, and he never heard the little
knocks on the door and the little giggles
when we opened it, About twenty friends
arrove, and as they came they sot down on
chairs placed as for meetin and kept
mum as mice. Lights was all ready to light,
but none was lit. Pretty soon the hull
twenty we'd asked was present, and then
Rosy Wood came in, whispered, All keep
quiet, and knocked on Tobias Starch's
door
"'Well,' says Tobias from inside.
Tobias says Rosy from outside the
door, are you very busyr
"'Yes, said Tobias.
TOO busy to come and spark little?
said Rosy. Just little Pll have lamp
in the front parlor, and just you and me
Won't it be lovely, Toby, dear2'
81 beg to be excused says Tobias.
VIC Sot So Ol ~, say . hOSy,
ing
kindly 60 away, says Tobias from in
side
"'You are very cruel, Toby says Rosy
when you know how fond be Of you,
Toby, darling
Miss Wood says Tobias Starch, i
have never given you the privilege to call
me Toby Stop doing it, Go away
"Toby, you can't mean it, says Rosy.
~ mean itr called Tobias. very snap
pish.
"'Tobias.' says Rosy, as nat'ral as ever
you heard, while we all choked ourselves
with our han'kerchefs, Tobias, hev con
cealed my feelin's very keerful, but they
can't be retained no more. Hear ME. cruel
beingr
"'I will not, says Tobias. Go away, or
Pll tell everybody. know how ought
to behave, and Pm always particular
promised ma | would he. Go awayP
"Then Rosy Wood did go too fur. My
cheeks mantles with bushes rs read this
here; but she was wild with fun and hear
ing us giggle and choke all about her
Tobias says she, my intentions is
honorable. | offer marriage. On my bended