Morning journal and courier., 1892-06-03
SAD.


 Handcuffs might appropriately be called sad-irons.-Lowell Courier.
 The expression "heaving sea" doubtless originated with the nd-lubber.-Colum- bus Post.
 When 8 fly lights on a sheet of sticky paper he realizes that he is better off, Binghamton Leader.
 The June bug makes more noise than 6 wasp, but he does not command half as much respect.-Binghsmton Republican.
 At many marriages her father gives away the bride, but it's no doubt often very lucky arrangement for him that mo- body gives the groom awsy.-Philadelp Times.
 Physician-Here, take this; it's good for your liver. Fogg-And what do care if it iss Hasn't my liver given me more trouble than all my other tormentors put together! No, sir; give me something that's good for me, no matter how bad it is for my liver!-Boston Transcript.
 She-You may keep the photograph, but-slthough l am not indifferent to you, LII am so happy as I am, in my fathers house, that. He-of course, I know you are not mercenary, but if you marry me promise you every luxury that your father can afford.-Life's Calendar. Rosamond-Oh, dearl What 6 wretched memory l havel There's my dentists ap- pointment this afternoon, and I've just re- | membered it! Gertrude-Well, l don't see but what you've thought of it in time. Rosamond-That'sj just it; didn't want | to remember it until to -morrow.-Harvsrd | Lampoon.
 An old man and his wife were last sum- mer calling on a steamer between Black pool and the Isle of Man. As the sea was rather rough, and the old woman unsccus- toned to sailing, she said to her husband: ''Oh, John, this ship is going downr Well, never mind, ," said her husband; ''it ! isn't ours. s."-Tid Bits.
 Perils of the Hunt on Long Island.-"I, was verwy annoying" said the fox-hunter. "The dogs, as we got well along, caught scent of Huntah's Point; and, weally, our whole party, before we knew it, had wun down beastly soap factowy. had Lord Fitzboodle of England with us, and it was terwibly mortifying.-Puck. | Surely" pleaded Tommy, "you ain't 6 goin' to lick me fer fishin' on Sunday when I bring home as big a string as thisf' "Bui just am, !" replied MT. Figg. "A boy with | no more sense than to bring home such [ lot of fish when it is Mary Anu's day od needs to have little intelligence pounded | into him while he IS still young and plas- tic. ic."-Indianspolis Journal.
 That Fetched Him.-First letter (wife, writing from Wildbad)-How long for . couple of lines in your handwriting (No reply.) Second letter. feel anxious about you; do writel (No reply.) Third letter. am quite in distress about you; this dreadful suspense is killing mel CNc reply.) Fourth letter-If do not hea, from you by tomorrow shall set of home at once! Telegram-Keep calm; am al right. Your husband.-In der Sommer frische.
 McTurk (anxious to catch the o'clock boat)-Good morning, Mrs. Murphy. Could yez tell me the iggsact toimei Mrs. Murphy (promptly)-I could that. It's tin minutes to sivin. McTurk (uneaeily, I-Is it that mucha Mrs. Murphy-Ur-r-r, I should say twinty minutes to sivin. Mo. Turk (relieved)-OhI Mrs. Murphy (ou refection)-och, phwat am talking about Twinty minutes pssht sivin, mane. No Tuck Gin eonsternationSWhatl Mrs. Nur. phy (resssuringly)-WeIl,i it's aither twinty minutes to sivin or twinty minutes pashi sivin, I don't know which-for me clock not goin'.-Puck.