davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
HUMOROUS.

-Mamma-"You seem to be in 8
hurry" Little Frances-"Yes, ma'am
if hadn't tum so fast I wouldn't DEF
here SO SOON"
Young Lady Patient-"Doctor
what do you do when you burn your
mouth with hot coffee?" Doctor
''Swear. "-Plutarch's Decameron.
-Goslin-''Aw, have a vewy bad
headache this mawning, doncher know. 81
Cuspid "a dentist, absent-mindedly)-
"Why don't you have 1t filled2"-Green.
burg Sparks.
That Was Why.-''Mr. Piggery, OF
Chicago, isn't physician, is he, Du-
kane?" ooh. nc" '',Then why do you
address him as Doctor ?' He cures
hams. "-Pittsburgh Chronicle.
"A young lady, giving evidence in
court the other day, was asked by the
lawyer how she learned music. by
teaching it," was the candid and in
genuous reply.-Once Week.
He Was Not in It.-iAt the door, y
Book Agent (briskly)-"Is the man of
the house imp" Mr.. Meeker Cautious
ly)-"Well-er-no. She's just stepped
over to a neighbours. Pittsburgh Bull
letin.
"A Sad Case. = Wailie = "Whither
away. me boy?" Chollie-'Got to see
me physician about me appetite. I'm
so beastly hungwy in the mawning that
/ don't weally need me bitters at all. J"
Journal.
The Practical View OF It. = De
Girling-"Now, if I should tell you
have been engaged to nine girls before
you what would You say?" Miss De
Witt-''That diamond ring will go far
toward depriving the information Of its
gnancy."-Jewelers' Weekly.
John" said Mrs. De Porque to her
husband, shave any cranks been to see
you this week?" Never been one near
me-" was the reply. ''That's too bad. {"
.sWhy?" "Mrs. Liefarde says three
have been to see her husband since
Christmas The first thing you know,
people will think the Lief1ardes are
richer than we are."-Washington Star.
How Old She Was.-The attorney
In the case was very spry and he was
not making it any pleasanter for the
witnesses than he could help. "How
old are your" he asked OF lady who
was called to testify. ''Pm old enough, !"
she replied with exceeding promptness,
s'to know that it is miserable bad man.
ners for a man to ask lady how old
she is" The court let the answer
stand.-Detroit Free Press.
Out of Rhyme.-A country editor,
who is also the poet as well AZ the
pressman of his paper. is in trouble. and
- with other poets he learns in suf-
fering what he tells in song. He has
&C ut in this ON postal card:
long have known that creditor
e perfect rhyme for editor;
And yet, somehow, my creditor
Won't always rhyme with editor;
And that Is why this editor
Would love to change his creditor.
Detroit Free PresA
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
EVILS OF TEA AND COFFEE.

Extract from O Lecture by DIR. j. III. Kel-
logg, OF the Battle Creek Sanitarium.
Poets talk of the 'cup that cheers
but not inebriates," referring to either
tea or coffee, but these drinks do inc
briate, and if they cheer, it is only an
evidence of MEDITATION. Tea and cof-
fee do, on large scale, what wine does
on small scale, because they are much
more extensively used. There is a
club in London which meets every
Saturday night TO have a spree
On tea, end some of them get
under the table before they get through.
girls were arrested for being drunk and
iisorderly. They swore that they had
taken no liquor. and no proof could be
obtained that they had. But on in
eestigation it<appeared that they had
acquired the habit of chewing tea, and
carried it to the excess of intoxication.
A doctor told me a short time ago that
his first case of delirium tremens was
that of an old lady from tea-drinking,
and it is known that inveterate tea
topers do reach this stage of intoxica-
ton sometimes l knew of man some
time ago whoihad delirium tremens from
the use of tobacco.
A physician to one of the large manu-
featuring establishments in New En-
gland told me of a curious disease
which once broke out among the en-
ployes- Sometimes fifteen or twenty
girls were seized with delirium during
the day and would have to be carried
home and the disease seemed at first
quite puzzffng. At length it was dis
covered that tea-chewing was prevalent
among the employees, and that they
brought supply daily in their pockets.
The girls were sent home to recover,
and when they resumed work, 1t
was necessary for some time to search
them every morning to make sure
that they did not take up the evil habit.
There is more drunkenness in a cup of
tea than in like quantity of lager
beer, as has been proven, by actual
analysis. Tea apd coffee are more So
rious intoxicants than alcohol, because
they are more generally used. Their
evil results are not generally recog-
nized. but some of the most serious
of nervous disorders are born of the use
of tea and coffee. Many people go
through life partially intoxicated ON
tea from month to month and from
year to year. and a very large proper.
ton OF them are women.-Reported by
Helen L. Manning.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
Personal AND LITERARY.

! "a book has been written purportins
to trace the descendants of Pocahouta,
down to this day. and President Harri
son is in the list He, according to thi.
book. is her great-great-great-great
Observation-Disclosures.
"A western author whose work is at
tracing much attention in Boston
/ where he now lives, is Mr.. Hamlin Gar
land. He was born in Iowa and is OF
Scotch blood. His work is chiefly de-
voted to the hard, pathetic life of the
prairie and the farm.
James Lape Allen. the Kentucky
! writer, is tall and slender man with a
grave face. lie can tell story at a
dinner table as we'll asin printed vol.
, ume. He looks somewhat like the
typical pedagogue, and, in fact, began
his career as a teacher
Miss Mabel Cahill. the champion
woman lawn tennis player of America.
is of Irish parentage, her father being
country gentleman in Kilkenny. She
is rather pretty, the beauty of her eyes
being particularly noticeable, and her
figure is slender and supple.
James Russell Lowell, when lectur-
ing to the students of Harvard uni
versity a quarter of century ago. was
wont to preface his remarks with the
words: ''Gentlemen and FELLOWSHIP
dents" Many Harvard graduate to-
day remembers the grateful encourage
ment those four words engendered.
The Society of California Pioneers
proposes to get from each living mem-
Der full record of his life, with details
of the settlement and development of
the section which he chose as his home
and facts in regard to his bushes or
professional career. It is believed that
such a record will be invaluable to flu.
ture historians.
The artists of Germany deeply
mourn the death of Heinrich Lang, the
painter of animals and battle-scenes,
which took place recently in Munich.
Lang was a pupil of Friedrich Yoltz.
During the Franco-Prussian war he was
attached to the staff of Bavarian COM
mander and witnessed personally the
scenes which his brush subsequently so
perfectly portrayed.
The old duke of Nassau, who at
seventy-fve is hale and active, has a
fortune of S25, 300, 600, and is conse-
quently set down as the richest prince
in Europe. Much of his wealth repre-
sents the profits of the Wiesbaden Ca
sino. and for many years the royalties
from the gaming-tables there flowed
into his pockets in a veritable stream
of gold. Besides that, in the old days
he exacted tax for every visitor to the
springs.
"A friend, who at one time enjoyed
the intimate acquaintance of William
Ross Wallace, tho author of that very
popular song, ''The Sword of Bunker
Hill," writes that Mr.. Wallace once told
him that he was paid just $40 for that
piece of composition. He said, further,
that Mr.. Wallace encountered upon the
platform OF the Cooper institute, at
later day, Lowell Mason, who wrote
the music for this song, and had the cu-
riosity to ask Mr.. Mason what he was
paid for his share Of the production.
The latter answered that he received
$40 also. Thus author and composer
were placed On terms of strict equality
The piece netted many thousands of
dollars to its publishers.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
SOUTH SIDE NOTES.

SOUTH SIDE, January &c, 1892.
The mill at Ransom is expected to be in
running order February first.
X. ". Rogers is visiting relatives in
Scott county.
The lyceum at Cyrus, will discuss the
tariff as applied to Kansas.
o. L. Chapman is holding series of
revival meetings at Fairview, Ness county.
The Sunday school has been re-organ-
ICED at Cyrus. jasper Rogers was elected
superintendent.
Lots of fun, taffy and temporary lock-
Jaw. at Albert Roscoe's last Friday even
ing.
Word reaches us that d. E. Spangler
has taken wife at Enterprise. Kansas.
". 81. Hoobler is putting up ice to-day,
which is twelve inches thick and OF good
quality.
The young ladies OF Wilcox are ar
ranging for leap-year party end our
bachelors wear more hopeful expectant
look.
Chas. Rogers has discovered by expert
ence that the man who wished to have all
his boils on the end of his nose was little
bit of. Charley (k)nose better now.
W. D. Stephens and wife were visiting
their grand daughter, Harlan, at Banner.
last Saturday and Sunday. As they drove
along we might have heard Will say:
''G'laug Rondy and take grandpap down
10 Hudson'a"
Some people use wind to persuade the
oifice to seek the man, but CD. Folkere
viii uss it to pump water for his cattle
His new wind mill shows up quite we'll at
distance.
George Linn entertained number of
his bachelor. friends last Sunday. All
Who were present speak in high terms Of
hie ability as cook and host and con-
rrstulated him on the probability of his
securing an assistant.
To parapbrase Grover Cleveland, q
public school may be a private snap. as
"a the case of district 81, where two men,
bers OF the board, the teacher, and the
eohool OF six pupils are all domiciled in
: ooe dwelling. However, since this ar
rnnoement was made by consent of all
ocncerned, it need not trouble outsiders,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
THE SITTING ROOM.
No Other Place 30 Perfectly rypaaes the
COmmunism Of the Famfly.

4 =.
| No Other Place 30 Perfectly Typlnes the
! Communism Of the Family.
No room In the house so perfectly
] typifes the communism of family, the
| true uniting in the diversity of the i'm
dividuais, as the sitting-room tits the
center OF the social life OF the house
hold. It is mothers ROOM" There
she is oftenest found in her moments OF
leisure. ready to hear. to sympathize.
to console and to advise.
Here the father frolics with his chill
dren. here they listen. to song and
story and read aloud, here the troubles
of the day dwindle and disappear or are
, softened and lessened by united sym.
pathizing and soothing surroundings;
here nuts and mild jokes are cracked
and rosy apples and fragrant oranges
lend their flavor and juicy richness to
the homely scene; while without the
wind blows, the rain falls or the snow
flies.
To make this room the hearthstone.
its furnishings should contain elements
that appeal to the tastes and pursuits
of each of the members of the house.
hold. There should be room, if posi-
bic, for favorite chairs and shelves or
bookcases, and tables for each ones
choice of books and papers, and for I'M
disturbed corners and coy hooks, If
each has only chair and footstool. or
portion of u drawer or curtained
shelf. Places where the studious, the
ambitious or the thoughtful can work
out their pet projects, or keep safely
their treasured plans and possessions,
ready for the sudden inspiration or the
industrious mood, which quite as often
seizes one amid the family chatter as
in the solitude of ones own room.
To secure all this will require con-
selfish thought on the part of the home
maker. The outlay, however, can usu-
ally be modified. adding purchases from
time to time as family growth and taste
may show them to be desirable. In
deed. the true furnishing of such
room, after a certain point, must be
matter of growth. Given the bare
bones of chairs, tables and curtains, the
rounded form and vigorous expression
the mental and moral life Of the fam
lily, grow out of the social. intellectual
and spiritual fcci on which the family
feeds
Ofcourse furnishing selected with this
aim in view will be as varied as families
are, for what expresses comfort and
gives help and solace to one family
would be tiresome. inane or comfort
less to others.
Each home writes its own history
sooner or later in it's furnishings and
arrangements. Even Strengthened
means-that oft-berated foe of family
luxury-can not prevent the telling of
the tale. Year by year slips by, pur-
chase after purchase is made, chapter
after chapter is written. What we most
desire we bend our circumstances to Sc
cure, and therefore the home does ex-
press, in the long run. what we are and
what we feel. This being true, let us
not be impatient; let us proceed
unselfshly and carefully,
that our home center may not express
sordid lives, ungenerous natures or mar
row minds.-Harper's Weekly.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
The !lTel Tower.

A Paris correspondent sends pretty
story from the Eifsl tower, whi,h is
still one of the attractions of the city.
During the exhibition of 1859 it was the
custom of those who made the ascent
to write letters there. direct them TO
themselves, and after tying them to
little balloons, launch them into space
from the immense height. One Of these
letters. still fastened to its balloon, was
lately discovered on an estate in Hun
gary, the proprietor OF which put Il into
the post, and it duly reached the writer
in Paris, who was much .astonished to
receive letter written to himself more
than year before. -Youth's Compan-
ion
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
Grar,ulSted E.eiis,s.

We have found the hot spray applied
to the eye one OF the most useful means
of treating this disease. II a spray APP
paratus is not at hand, simply lavin9
the eye with water as hot as can be
borne without inconvenience. may DO
employed. The application should be
made daily for several months, as this
disease is one which reqaires months.
and in some cases years. for its success
full treatment. food lIeaitn.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
NOTICE OF PUBLICATION.

Lard Cfice at wa-Eeer~y. Ennsss. xo ,o,e
January 26. ic92. } w. We
Eotice f. hereby given that the following named
setter has hiei notice of rs intention to mako
final proof in support o. his clein and that said
proof will be made before the Register and Receiver
of tho U. S. Land Office at Wa-Keerey. Kansas, On
March II, 1892, viz:
James Tague,
Homestead Application no. 7s2s for The northwest
quarter o6section u, township L. sonih range Is.
wet p. ". KaIsas.
He names the following Witnesses to prove bis
continuous residence upon and cultivation Of saic
land. viz:
Daniel Mcknight, Charles r. Hawkes.. Daniel :.
Pianiz OF Banner, Kansas. and Joseph Brezirs- CO
Bosna, Ksnu. sLxx sfosEoc, Register.
10
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
WANTED AN OPINION.

The Old Man Was Afraid He Had Paid
TOO Much.
We had been talking in general way
in the smolsing-car when an oldish man
with very innocent expression of coun-
tenance suddenly turned and said:
Gentlemen, I've been sort o. looking
around Chicago for three or four days,
and kinder imagine got swindled in
buying watch. Here it is, and wish
you'd look 1T it and give me your opin-
ions. I haint travelled around much,
and don't know many of the tricks of
a big, bad city, and l hate to think 1
don't know huff not to bite at a
swindle. Just look it over and tell me
what you Think
1t seemed, to be gold watch and the
movement seemed to be all right, but
the first man who took it in hand inves-
tigated for moment or two and said:
"Well, old man, if you paid more than
twenty five dollars for that thing you've
been bitten"
~ hev, eh?'
81 should say" observed the second
man, after thorough investigation,
shat if l had my choice between a
twenty-dollar bill and this watch, I'd
take the bill. I've seen better ones at
eighteen dollars"
"What's your opinion?" asked the old
man, as he handed it to a third.
'Humph! You won't get mad?''
''Oh. no."
eff you have been swindled you want
to know it?"
81 do"
swell, sir. used to be agent for a
factory in Connecticut which turned
out better looking watches than this at
eight dollars apiece to the trade"
The old man settle! back in his seat
and set himself to thinking with pc
culiar expression on his face. We left
him alone in his misery, rs we thought
An hour later, sat down beside him
and asked:
"How much did you really pay for
that watch. anyhow"
He pulled out his wallet, hunted. out
the bill and showed me the figures.
The price of the watch was four dollars
and half, with guarantee on the
bill for one year.-Jeweler's Circular.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
ms arance Item.

Merchant~Here you are again, and
three weeks ago yesterday kicked you
down the stairs and into the street.
Insurance Agent-Why, what Won
derful memory you have got! had
forgotten all about it. By the way, our
company offers more inducements than
any other company in New York, ETC.
Texas Siftings.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
Ezpensaxe After All.


It makes little or no differences hoSs
low the price Of q thing may be. IL ona
has no money with which to buv. IL
Many .'neser-do-well," searching Ia.
land where he may live in 1uxurv for
almost nothing. has discovered. that
there is sure to be some obstacle to hi.
success IN every coantry to which ho
goes
II can tell you. said recently-re-
turned traveller, who Vas clad much
after the fashion Of Mr. Richard Swiv-
eller. II tell You. Argeniina's the place
to go! Everything is dirt cheap there!
Why. You can get splendid fat turkey
tor twenty centsI"
'.Whewm said one OF the interested
bystanders. IF I'd bccninyour place,
should have stayed there!''
would you now!' remarked the tray
eler, eying his friend meditatively.
"Well, then. since you'd have stayed,
probably you can tell me how was to
get the twenty cents. in Argentina
Youth Companion.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
French wou,eli.

Frenchwomen are very superior to
Frenchmen, as we see them. a. q rule.
They contain in themselves the advan-
tages of two distinct epochs, and while
possessing nearly as much personal
charm as in youth. they have all that
one gains by experience and maturity.
They keep things together as the young
could not do. They set people at ease.
and listen at well as talk They recall
the day Of the salon, because they are
ready to sacrifice themselves to the
group which they gather around them.
and they have also an ambition to be
useful, which was unknown to the
precieuses ridicules. Indeed, French
woman of any age seems to have a
private elixir of her own, which STAYS
by her through good report and evil re
port. through good fortune and evil
fortune; she is always pleasing, chez
full and sympathetic Bazaar.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30

Rev. A. Pickerill closed his services at
Cyrus last week. Six members we're add
ed to the church (Campbelite) as the re-
suit OF his labors. Mr.. Pickerill is an
able and popular speaker.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30

With a bottle nf Ayers Cherry Pee
to-ial il your house, you haye an effsc-
tive remedy for ali Sudden attacks OF
throat and lung troubles. An hours de-
lay may lead to serious consequences.
No household eeouN be without this
wonderful medicine.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
Nothing In 1t.

Don't you think she.would make good
wife for Alfredo"
mo. indeed! Think how poor her IA.
Their must be.'-Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30

-Wool-"Sorne people have trouble
with their mothers in-law; am happy
to say that mine is an angel" Van
Pelt-"Allow me to congratulate you;
mine was quite i'll at one time. but she
got we'll"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
Our Homo Life.

Look at our home life. We should
not forget that though they are ours
without price, the good things of our
homes have not been without cost to
those to; whose love we are indebted
for them. We have but to think of the
love that sheltered our infancy and
guided our feet in tender years, and OF
the self-deniar and sacrifices, the tolls
and watchings, the care and anxiety,
the loss of rest, the broken nights, tho
planning, tho praying. the weeping,
and all the cost of love-for love al
ways eosts-alon2 the days of child
hood and youth. Then ofttimes much
of the good in our homes has come
down from the past. the fruit of the Ia
Dor and suffering of a line of ancestors.
Thus every comfort and joy and beauty
should be sacred as a sacrament to us
because it has been cotton for us by
hands of love, at cost of toll and saving
and pinching economy and self-deniaL
Detroit Free Press
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30

-Foley-'Have You nice neigh
bors?" Patterson-"Elegant Why.
they spend the fall and winter in Flori-
da ana the spring and summer in New
port"-Epoch.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
Over . Back Fence.

Neighbor Woman-Your dog was
chasin' our chickens this mornin'. an
Jest want you to understand that's got
to stop right now.
Mrs Midi did not see the dog ont
Of our yard.
Neighbor Woman-He wasn't The
chickens was in your yard-Good
News
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30

xifth,Ayenue NurseZThe children
want to know. ma'am. If they can wash
their faces.
Fifth Avenue Matron-Certainly not
Marie. This is Fido's day for bath
Judge
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30

BY avery Ingenious and original pro.
cess, Dr.. J. @. Aver ( Co, of Lowell,
Mass, are enob.ed to extract the eeoontiax
properties OF The materials used il fhe
preparation Ut their famous Ayens Sar-
saparilla. thus securing purity and
strength Aast can be obtained in no other
way.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-01-30
Worse Than "Pi."

Wife-Why. John, you have made .
mistake and put lot Of 'pi' in your
paper.
Editor-You are mistaken. my dear.
that is a Swedish dialect story.-Jury.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1892-03-05
Boston Wool Market.

BosToN, MASS, March 4.-The demand
for woods has been steady and the sales Of
the week are quite large, amounting TO 81
SIS 900 pounds of all kinds. Prices re-
main the same, low and in favor of buyers.
Quite good sales of Ohio fieeces are re-
ported at 27a271<c for Y, and 2Sa29 for Xxx
and above. Michigan Y sold 10 a fair ex-
tent at 26c. In No. l woods there mas been
cutie trade at 34a35c for Ohio
and 33a34c for Michigan. No. ! COM
bling woods have been dull at 36a3Sc.
Fine delaine fleeces have been quiet at 33a
34c for Ohio, and 3la32c for Michigan. In
unwashed combing wool there have been
moderate sales of one-quarter blood at 2ia
26c and three-eighths at 26a 2Sc. The sales
of Territory woods are large, amounting to
7Q5. 900 pounds, including one large lot OF
Colorado at about 15c. Other sales OF fine
wool have been al 14alSc; fine medium lisa
lSc. and medium 20a22c. On secured ba-
sis. Territory woods sell at 5Sc, prin-
cipally for fine; 55a57c for fine
medium, and 50a5Sc for medium.
Considerable spring Texas sold at l7a23c,
including one lot Of 5000 pounds at 23c
fall Texas 15a20c; California wool 15a22c:
Oregon woods dull; pulled wool sales have
been made of choice supers at SSa42c; fair
to good supers at 30a3sc; and extras at &c.
Australian woods have been active with
sales at 321Sa4lc. Foreign carpet woods
have been in fair demand at unchanged
prices.