Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1892-12-09
THE "GAWK."


people would call a merry childhood or a
joyous youth. My father-a low church
clergyman-honestly believed that to be
cheerful was the first step to sin, and that
virtue was to wear solemn mien and an
unsmiling face. To do him justice, he
conscientiously lived up to that conviction,
and, as far as was in his power, compelled
others to do the same.
He had not exposed me to the contami-
nation of a public school; my few compan-
ions had only been classmates at a private
tutors, to whom I was sent as daily
pupil, and as had to walk several miles
to reach my destination / was unable to
enjoy the ordinary relaxation of the Eng
lsh schoolboy in the shape of football or
cricket.
An only son, motherless from my cradle,
/ had accepted with the submission and
possibly with the contentment of igno-
rance the code of morals and mode of life
which it had pleased my father to impose
upon me, and which would have seemed
better suited to the most shrinking and
delicate girl than to strong, healthy,
stoutly grown and active lad. Perhaps
the real secret of my passive and unresist-
ing acquiescence lay in the fact that l was
constitutionally averse to society of any
kind, and that especially the presence of
any member of the other sex filed me with
an unreasoning awe that amounted to ac-
tual pain. A feminine being-child, girl
or woman-immediately made me fifty
times more awkward than naturally was;
she ELECTED an unbecoming shyness which
at other times was quite foreign to my ma
ture, and which impressed the cause of
these emotions with a contemptuous dis
like of me.
Harry Mllner is perfect gawkw /
once heard the pretty daughter of one of
our nearest neighbors say to an elder sis
ter, when, my school days being finally
over, had been sent by my father to walk
with her in the vicarage garden, and had
ANONYMOUSLY ended the interview by run
ming away and hiding myself in an arbor,
whence l could hear her comments on my
conduct.
Harry Millner is poor, miserable
creature" calmly remarked this dispas-
sionate maiden. But you know, Helen,
that he is rs poor as rat, so he will never
have to make love to any girl, thank
Cod" she added piously.
Yes, was gawk at twenty, as / had
been atany other period of my life. Yes,
was miserable creature, in spite of my
feet 10 inches and my broad shoulders.
Yes, we were wretchedly poor, and at my
ather's death all l could claim as my own
would be a moderately good education,
the perfect health l always enjoyed, and
AN absolute ignorance of the ways of the
world for good or evil, and the means of
earning my daily bread therein. 1t had
been part of the wears conscientious car
rying out of his particular views to keep
me persistently at his side, in his widowed,
solitary home, and not to send me to meet
temptation or, as he styled it, perdition,
by allowing me to mix with the unregen-
crate and the ungodly, whose path lies
among the pitfalls of frivolity and unhal
lowed diversions.
Not very long after my pretty neighbor
Helen had passed her uncomplmentary
verdict upon me my father died. A dis
tant relation wound up his affairs a hun
dred pounds were placed in my hands, and
was told to go to London and "see what
/ could do there" 1t is needless to dwell
on the time thus spent; suffice it to say
that worked hard and inefficiently, and
that remained as strictly ungregarious,
solitary, moral and virtuous as had ever
been at the vicarage. Women still looked
upon me with intense disfavor, and upon
them with continued awe-at least in the
flesh-for must confess that at times, in
my dreams, l conceived that it might be
pleasant to hear soft voice call me
Harry" and white hand linger in my
palm. But when l awoke in the morning
it was to a returning consciousness that ]
was gawk, and that If by some wild
accident the feminine hand was resting in
my grasp or the feminine voice sounding
in my ears | should not know how to an.
swer the one or clasp the other
Then suddenly, unexpectedly, / found
my self rich-not moderately or comforta-
bly, rich, but wealthy beyond my most fat
uous conception of the term An unsus-
pected Inheritance had fallen to my lot;
there were no difficulties raised against
my title; everything was plain, simple and
correct, so that within three months of the
day when l roceived the first intimation of
my good fortune | was informed by the
lawyers that / could now draw on my
bankers for what was practically to me an
unlimited amount, and take possession of
a big ~ouse in Mayfair and an equally i'm
posing mansion in Worcestershire, with
suitable establishment ready TO receive me
in each AS master. l visited both resi-
dences, found them almost as awe inspir-
ing as a woman, and myself as big gawk
In these superbly appointed houses as /
uhu Decu III thc COUNTRY Ut Ill tut city ONCE.
Puzzled and disturbed, / resolved to leave
England, to travel for awhile and endeavor
to shake off in new surroundings the awk-
wardness which / believe was only in rus
ticity and the misanthropy that sat so
lueerly on young mans temperament.
wanted the regenerating process to take
place away from the gaze of my country
men and, moreover l was secretly anxious
to put the sea between me and the over
towering attentions and invitations show
cred upon me through the medium of
countless notes sent by people whose names
l had never known or utterly forgotten,
and who one and all assured me that they
remembered my dear father with intense
affection and would consider it personal
favor to see Inc, his son, at their table, their
clubs, their country houses, and make him
feel as one of their family"
/ started for a European tour, but went
M. for f.sr Bar, Darto II l,.,I ...k.