The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1892-09-24
THE L1MEKILN CLUB LFcruRf.

THE LIMEKILN CLUB LECTURE.
After the regular business Of the weekly
meeting of the Limekiln Club had been
concluded, Brother Gardner announced
that the Hon. Backstep johnson of West
Virginia was waiting to deliver lecture
before the club. After the floor had been
sprinkled With water, the alley windows
raised and 6amual Shin cautioned about
falling asleep and swallowing the glass
stopper Of bottle he was holding in his
mouth to cure him of the habit of slut
tering, thesReception Committee brought
the stranger in. Mr.. johnson appeared
to be about 45 years old. Hc was tall,
thin and serious, with stiff leg and a
bald head. He brought in with him from
the anteroom, as if nistrusting the hon
esty Of the janitor, a large, lank satchel
of the crop of 1879, and cotton um-
brella which probably saw the opening
of the Civil War.
He was accorded hearty welcome,
however, and he deposited satchel and
umbrella, removed his coat and got to
business without delay.
my fren's," he said, in voice which
reminded everybody of corn shelter
hard at work, ode subjeck of my impe-
rious remarks dis eavenin am entitled
'Lookin Henceward.' Oar may be some
among yo' who doan know what 'hence-
ward means. will darefore explain dat
it means beyand-in de fucher-way off
ahead. Applause from Shindig Watkins,
who had been puzzling over 'henceward'
for the last two months. Yo' kin look
back 30 Vars and see what progress de
Guild man has made, but de fucher am
what il ahead of US! De fucher Is head
light to guide US on de upward path an
finally seat US on the pinnacle Of great
ness an verbosity. While we may feel
proud of de past, we am justified in feelin
teelin of gloriosity ober de fucher
Applause, which sagged the stove pipe
in the middle and threatened calamity
"My fren's," continued the speaker as
he helped himself to glass of root beer
from Brother Gardeners pitcher and
wiped of his chin, II put de past behind
me an urge 20 onward to de fucher,
Widin de next hundred Vars dar am
gwine to be SIGH mighty change take
place dat it almos' takes ones brsf away
to think Of it. It's gwine to be change
to put de Guild man whar he belongs
on top de heap. I predict:
81. A gradual hut sartin change in de
ha'r. De kinks an knots will all
straighten out, dc ha'r take on gloss and
we will be de envy of de civilized world.
"2. A gradual but sartin fadin out of
color until we become whittier dan white
folks. Dey will probably be mad and
jealous about it, but what am to be will
be and dey can't stop it. ! predict dat
Giveadam Jones, heah on my right, who
am now de color of black COW at mid
night, hasn't got to lib ober .fo'ty y'ars to
bleach out as white as a Governors Sun
day shirt.
3. A gradual but sartin requirement of
grace an beauty. 1t won't be so Vars be-
TO- yo' can't find bowlegged GUILD man
in weeks travel, and one wild bald
head or pair of cross eyes will be as
much of a novelty as mastodon. Our
moufs will contract, our lips fall away in
flesh and poets will rave ober our droopin'
blue eyes. White folks will be mad
huff to bust, but we mus go right along
an pay no 'tenshun to DER empirical
feelns.
~. In de co'se of de next hundred vars
de Guild man will be on top de heap in
oratory, poetry paintin' astronomy an all
de arts and sciences. He will sit in de
White House, an he will make de laws.
He will make de history of de kentry, an
he will also write it.
rs. Instead of de black folks gwine to
Africa to lib, de white folks will probably
'clar out fur Mexico or the Sandwich
Islands. To-day de great problem of dis
kentry am not what to do wild de black
man, but what is gwine to become of de
white folks in a few Vars mo-.
IS. A gradual but sartin contrackshun
of feet till No. will fit most cherry
body in de crowd. You can't skassly
comprehend it as yo' look at de No. Is
boot adornin de feet of Waydown Bebee,
an pinchin his hoofs at dat, but SIGH will
be de result of progress. Brudder Bebee
himself may lib to see dat day.
Gan now my fren's," continued the
speaker as he drained the pitcher of its
contents, 81 do not wish to take up yo'r
valuable time. did not come heah to
dedicate an evaporashun of cupidity, but
to briefly connive my can tileverous con.
sanguinity toward bituminous propa-
gashun of what / airnestly believe will
come to pass. l thank yo,' gentlemen
thank 20 from de bottom of my heart, an
l shall cher hold de memory Of dis evenin
as one of de most calculated in my fall
lacious career.'
The gentleman left the hall amid Wild