The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1892-07-31

TIE GUINEA HEN AS AN ALARM CLOCK.
Oogoolah- pahna- po-kah, late chief of
the Brule Appetite tribe, says that we
should not run down the guinea hen.
That i, true, Oogoolah-pah-la -po-kah,
we should not ruiz her down, because
we can't Who ever saw guinea hen
that had run down? If you wish TO
be alarmed during the night you can set
your guinea Oh that hour and she will
awaken you. She will not run down.
We had a domestic once who had lust
arrived from Europe, and her rest had
been broken up on the steamer, she said.
by the gayety OF the first cabin, and the
routs and balls which she could not get
out of very well without giving offense.
Her name was Tootie Tooterson, and
afterward learned that her rest on board
was marred by restless elephant that
occupied the st2teroom next to hers, and
not by the gayety of the first cabin at
all, as she was not III touch with same.
She slept very soundly while at our
house as cook, and irritated me by neg
lectlng to get up i'll time for breakfast.
The life of Il cook is such that unless she
gets up prior 10 her breakfast and takes
some exercise she is almost sure to get
Justification of the thought ganglia and
coma of the diapason
So we got an alarm clock for her and
set it on O'Clock. It was one of those
alarm clocks which fetch loose in the
early gray of morning like misunder-
standing between Xylophonic conclave
and boiler works, but Tootie Tooter-
son, tired and full of fatigue and raw
dried apples, of which she was passion
ately fond, slept OH and on and on.
An actor man who went abroad for
the purpose of doing up Henry Irving
on his own ground came home on the
same steamer with Tootie. He had the
stateroom prior TO or forward of the ele-
plant, while Tootie was abaft He said
that in proportion to her size she was
every bit as seasick as the elephant was.
SO he was sorry for us when he learned
that frowning Providence had selected
us for the purpose Of retitting and re-
furnishing and also doing the interior
decorating of her famine works
She was real hungry, with a tendency
toward dried apples in a raw state, pre-
ferring those that had been dried on a
string. Not being familiar with the
English language, she often neglected
sometimes to cut the string, and thus
Col Gastric had his hands full, and
Tootie would moan in her sleep, and
moan and moan and moan.
But she did not wake up, even when
the hand to hand struggle with the
alarm clock came. Even the fire de-
partment and police walked up, but
Tootie did not. She kicked out another
c,O 4, g
on with her arm beneath her head, SO
am told
never saw any one sleep harder or
shake the SCOT down from the inside Of
the chimney any more than she did.
Even after she got to putting the alarm
clock in her bed and it got to pulling
the straw out of the mattress and scat
tering the linen over the room at
o'clock she slept as calmly and almost
ms unruffledly rs though she had been in
the morgue.
1t was then that bought the stock of
O'Clock guineas owned by poultry
show and placed them under the window
OF Tootie Tooterson, the European
Slumberer.
She's III the asylum now, but they tell
me that after 4 o'clock she is wide
awake, and people who have families
dependent on them go away from there
as soon as they can.
am sorry that she lost her mind, of
course, but feel worse for tho person
who found it; for once when she was
cooking for us, and also taking care of
the horse, she busted my mantel. and
not understanding our language, mt least
fully as to idioms, etc, she drank my
lung medicine at one time and left in it's
place a similar bottle containing rare
little lizard i'll alcohol which my little
daurhter had a,.rnuned for her collnctio,,