The record-union., 1892-01-20
{" GUNP0WDER'S" ODDITIES.
"A Very Dear Friend of "Squink's
Goes Down Into History.
He Was Not Lazy. Exactly, Yet lie
Was Slower Than the SIowest
His Demise.

! friend of mine was the most inactive
and passive individual the world has pro-
/ duced. He was about the only thing L
ever had that was extraordinary. I
| never saw anybody that had ever seen
anybody like Gus; and there is no record
in all history, including ancient mythol-
ogy, to my knowledge. of anyone as in
variable inert as my friend. His real
name was inexpensive and feeble, SO we
called him Gunpowder, which was event
ually contracted to Gus, and it was all the
same to him. Nothing disturbed his
placid disposition. If he had been called
nitro-glycerine ordynamite he would not
/ have exploded.
| Gus let the world move along Just as it
! pleased, and stayed just where he Glanced
to be, and he CHANGED to be living in
cabin in mining camp, though no one
! seemed TO know how or when he got
+ there. Ii he, himself, remembered, he
/ never took the trouble to explain. He
! had been in existence about forty years,
| but hadn't grown any or grown any
older, apparently, since he was medium
sized, old-looking boy, at which period he
came to full stop.
He was sole proprietor and occupant Of
his humble domicile, and his possessions
consisted Of his cabin furniture, some
mining implements, a dog, cat and shot
! gun. Somehow Gus survived in calm
/ independence and found gold enough 10
| procure the few things he deemed ne
/ ceSsitieS.
/ Some folks thought Gus was lazy, but
! he wasn't. 1t is true that when he awoke
some mornings he didn't know Of any
! reason Tor getting up, SO he turned over
and sept until next day, but it was
merely "a characteristic OF his.
lie was a tranquil, philosophical kind
OF a chap. Ills dog never complained
and his cat never meowed. bat they slept
on peacefully until Gus got hungry
enough TO get up. They had become ac-
I castomeG TO irregular meals and indeh-
mite slumber, and seemed to think Gus'
! government model OF domestic econ
omy and bissfu content.
Gus was most agreeable companion,
and L callei upon hiln frequently 10 talk
things over. He was as slow to talk as he
was to do anything else, and / got along
! hrst-rate with hlE. lie never inter-
/ rupted my conversation but once and
/ then accidentally, by setting his foot
upon the cats tai. Upon this occasion it
was so long before he decided that he was
( the cause Of the cats caterwauiing and
excitement, and it took him so long 10
/ lemedy the discord by moving his foot,
/ that | lost most of the torenoon-and so
4 did the cat.
Gus never did anything until he had
considered the project from all sides and
III all lights; as his powers OF consdera-
! ton were also very deliberate, sometimes
/ he considered until it was too late 10 act
but it never made any difference to Gus.
lie never regretted anything he couldn't
do. He was always glad Oft il he found it
! out. Everything around about Gus moved
! slowly. The brook that went by his
! house came as near stopping and staying
where it was as it could. The birds would
sit around his camp in happy forgetful-
! ness and silent melody; and when the
! WIND blew 1t always eddied into five
cent zephyr until it got away from there.
Gus being a friend Of mine | always
| liked to help him along, and | had
| poem on hand that was fresh and new /
had made it myself, and as it was nv first
effort knew it was about as fine thing
as could be compiled: so after keeping il
as long as | could | took it around TO Gus.
intending to cheer him up. Besides /
wanted TO hear it read and do it myself
without interruption, before turning it
loose upon suffering humanity at large.
Gus was preparing for work, as usual,
and waiting for me to help him resist the
impulse.
After explaining to him my natural
ability, and the feeling OF inspiration
which prompted me to emulate Milton
and Shakespeare, and calling his atten-
tlOn 10 the TACT That poetry and music
alone keep the world from going TO seed
and destruction, | read 10 him in calm,
sad tones my pastoral of torty-four can
tos, heroic measure and full weight.
can only submit at this time the few first
/ lines, but the entire poem was Just as
/ good. 1t began:
! Whenas. in spring, the buds begin to swell,
! Ana all the MOVERS prepare whiiom to blow,
/ AND ploWmen sing, or whistle. on the TELL
! And the sad fowls from further barnyards
crow,
! I love to sit, and sitting, think and tell
/ vi myriad things think, or guess, or know
And then begin again in sadder strain, and
slow.
[ regret that / cannot reproduce the en-
tire poem here, with some recent additions
and some more Of it. Gus didn't regret
the innate, because / commenced, at the
/ beginning and read it over to him again,
and he enjoyed the second reading with
! conspicuous equanimity; even the cat
/ purred enjoyment Of il, ana the dog
wagged himself at the more striking
clilnaXes. l never could do anything for
! Gus before, so | read this poem to him at
! intervals until my health began to fail
and | was compelled to seek change of
climate. Since those happy times I've
! travelled in many different parts Of other
/ localities. but have never found a more
! appreciative listener. The last heard of
/ Gus was an item in his county paper say
ng he had died suddenly, but this is evil
IDENTIFY mistake. n one who knew Gus
would believe it, as he never did any
thing suddenly. SQUINK.
|