Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-10-28
HUMOR OF THE. DAY.

greatly increases his sighs.-Siftings.
Even an all-round man ought to be
square in his dealings we'll Courier.
Little Johnny thinks it good deal
nicer to be tanned at the seashore than
to be tanned in school. Tran.
script.
They have "potato socials" in Kansas.
The name may be from the fact that
young folks go there to pare.-Texas
Siftings.
"Do you enjoy good health, Mr..
Testy2" asked McQueary. "Yes, when
get any, snapped the old dyspeptic.
Puck.
Jake-'I presume you love animalsa"
Cora-"Oh, yes; girl of my age is
usually in love with some man. "-Yan-
kee Blade.
GA man may be drove to drink" said
Officer McCobb, "but to git lin away
from it find he has to be pulled. -
indianapolis Journal.
"Charles is too timid to propose, and
she IS too timid to help him on" "I
should think such a timld pair could
easily shrink to one. "-Harper's Bazaar.
He-"Is this the first time you've
ever been in love, darlingG" She
(thoughtlessly) but it's so nice
that hope it won't be the last. lid
Bits.
anufacturer-"What makes you
think electric clocks should sell so
freely2" Drummer-"They're all to be
charged, are they notl"-Jeweler's
Weekly.
Shrewd Girl: Jennie-'Do you be-
lieve in fate2" Bessie e--'Ycs, but l
believe in giving fate helping hand by
doing little judicous flirting. New
York Herald.
Secretary Nibbes---"Did you discover
any irregularities in the Red Tape
Bureau9" Inspector Sharp--"Yes. Four
of the employees we're hard at work. "-.-
New York Herald.
Lovell---"This marrying rich wife
is of no use." Markham---"Why not?"
Lowell -"Because even after she's
asleep you can't find her pocket. ."---
New York Herald.
Teacher-"What are you doing there,
Johnny, acting like monkey2" johnny
Bellows-"Please let me off this time,
teacher, and l won't never mock you no
more. Yankee Blade.
Mamie (aged -"Mamma, was
Mr.. Gourmand born with silver spoon
in his mouth9" Mamma-"I guess so,
dear, and maybe with knife and fork,
too. Jewellers Weekly.
1t is not always the man who looks the
wisest who knows the most, but most
people don't know this, so that it will
pay you to look just as wise as you pos
sibly can.-Texas Siftings.
Cora---"I'm much pleased with my
new acquaintance, Mr.. Jimpson. |
hope to know him better" Dora---
"Well, 1t would be impossible to know
him worse. w. Yankee Blade.
Brown (who Is very proud of his
argumentative powers )-"I always carry
my pint" Gray-''I think | have seen
you when you were carrying a good deal
more than that. Boston Transcript.
Miss Young-"Have you seen Miss
Waite's engagement ring?" Miss Green
-"Yes, l think it is a horrid insult.
The idea of man giving a spinster of
her years a ring of old gold. Jewel
ers' Weekly.
"They say he is literary man, and
perhaps he is. He talks rapidly, but,
upon my word, can't make head nor
tail of what he talks about" "Ha!
Perhaps he is magazine poet. New
York Press.
"Her taste in music is improving
wonderfully" said one young woman.
"Why?" replied the other, ''she never
plays or sings now." Yes" was the
reioinder, "that is how l know. ~
Washington Post.
The Rev. DR.. Fourthly--"I shall see
you at church next Sunday morning, as
usual, Mrs. McSwat, l presume" Mrs.
McSwat--'I-I am afraid not DR..
Fourthly. Bridget has just got new
bonnet. Chicago Tribune.
'Don't you think Mr.. Twiddles is
very absent -minded2" said young
woman. "No," replied Miss Pepper
ton. "He displays admirable caution.
What little he has he always brings
with him. ."-Washiugton Star.
Mrs. Keene-"There are times when
l wish l we're man." Mr.. keene-
''For instancea" Mrs. Keene-"When
pass miAiner's window and think
how happy could make my wife by CIV
ing her new bonnet. Texas Siftings.
Mamma (enthusiastically)---"Ho I
wish we could afford to send Nellie
abroad for few finishing touches to her
musical educationr' Papa (no ear for
music) -"If could buy the finish with
out the touches, I'd pawn the furni.
ture. ."---Lippincott's Magazine.
The Professor-'In some respects
Miss Winchester is highly gifted young
woman. At school, / remember, she
excelled in mathematics. In large
class in geometry she was easily the
first" Miss Laura Kajones-"Ycs, the
dear girl was always so---so angular,
YOU know - -.Chicauo Tribune