Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1892-02-11

Good News.
FRUIT OF EXPERIENCE.
"Whyedo you bother me SO much to
bring out your book" asked the pub
Usher, irritably.
Because" pleaded the importunate
scribbler, 81 am in rags; | can raise no
money and am perishing for want of
food"
"Well, well" said the publisher, pity
| lngly, what is your manuscript"
lit is entitled. How to Get Rich.'"
BEAUTIFUL SNOW.
A woman most surely wrote Beautiful
Snow"
For man, it is very clear,
Would have told different tale of woe
Of SNOWFALL behind the ear.
A PRECAUTIoN.
Bachelor Ito newly married friend)-
Had any dinner table fights yet?
n. Nj. F.-No, our friends haven't
quit coming to dine every night with US.
-[Epoch.
BUSY HOUR.
Careful mother (severely)-Mabel, |
have discovered that you went with Mr..
Nicefelo to restaurant after the opera
the other night. When | asked what
made you so late, you said it was on ac-
count OF the long waits.
Mabei--1 -e-s, ma, the-the waits Mt
the restaurant, you know.-[New York
Weekly.
SURE METHOD.
g wish George could be cured of his
infatuation for Emma"
" Let him marry - Epoch
1.-THE BRUTE!"
She-Read me something from your
paper.
He-Certainly, my love. Here's some
thing that will interest you. Rumored
engagement"
She-How lovely! Wonder if know
them?
! He Continuing Fourteen killed on
the Mexican frontier. - Pittsburg Bull
letin.
NOT so VERY OLD.
Miss Sears-When bought this horse
you told me he was young. People who
have seen his teeth say he is very old.
Dealer-That horse isn't minute
older than you are.
Miss Sears-I don't think he looks
over twenty, myself New York Herald.
UP AND DOWN.
Young Jeweler-Ive neglected my
business, run wild and failed. But I'm
going to reform. I'll marry and settle
down.
Old Jeweler "a creditor) r)-Don't you
think you had better settle up first?-
Jewellers Circular. 80
NOT EXACTLY LOST.
"Mehitable," said the young lady's
mother, with a savere frown, "you let
Eliphalet steal a kiss from you last
night" -,
"Pp sorry, ma. Z
Sorry! should Say you would be.
The idea of permitting any young man
to steal a kiss from your
"Well, ma" said tae young lady with
a penitent air, ''it ISN'T as if it was lost.
I'll make him, give it back to me when
he comes tonight. IN York Press.
I CAREFUL YOUNG MAN.
Mrs. Chinner-Why does young Mr..
Gurley always knock at the door when
he comes to call on you?
Miss Chinner-He 8 afraid if he comes
with ring I'll regard it as pro-
posal.
AN INNOCENT BOY.
Sunday-school Superintendent-Who
led the children of Israel into Canaan?
Will one of the small boys answer? (No
reply Superintendent somewhat stern
| ,y)-Can no one tellS Little boy ON that
seat next to the aisle, who led the chill
dren of Israel into Canaan?
Little Boy (badly frightened)-It
wasn't me, IL jist moved yere last week
FIN Mizzoury, New York Standard.
MAKING PROGRESS.
elias your son sowed his wild oats
yeti"
mo, but he keeps right at it"
DISMAL PROSPECT,
"You are hooking drcadfully down.
hearted tonight, Damon. Have you
been meeting with losses iately?"
"No Pythius invited me up to see
his baby tonight, and promised to CO."
HORRIBLE THOUGHT.
This CARA horrible thought strikes
me!
The Lord High Exccutioner-Wha is
that, your Majesty?
The Czar-.If that dentist was Nihilist
he may haverflled my teeth with dyna-
mite Then, the first time | bite hard l
shall blow the top of nay head Off
Puck.
WHERE THERE'S WILL THERE'S A WAY
GLOW on earth can Hardy stand the
strain of nursing that old uncle of his as
he does? He must have wonderful will
power, mustn't he?"
, ellis uncle has that. = Life.
c IN THE CONSERVATORY.
Ethel-What rs there about this con.
servatory, that you like it SO well
: George?
3 George surroundings are so lovely
l dearest, he sighed, as he gathered hel
in.
| HENCE HIS WARMTH.
=. Bessie (blushingly rearranging he
hair)-"You are surprisingly ardent
Harry considering the suddenness o.
e the cold snap"
Harry Incidentally mussing her hal