The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1892-05-14
sAReERs I'M NEW YORK.
rhcrs Are 10000 Of Them and They Are n
Queer Class.

eight hundred thousand chins week,
and get paid one hundred and twenty
thousand dollars week for so doing.
You can get shaved for three cents, or
you can pay a quarter. You can have
woman shave you, on II Frenchman, Ger
man. Italian. Bohemian or Chinaman.
II you select Chinaman he will shave
your forehead, your ears, your nose
your nostrils and, in fact. your entire
headpicce. There are few American
barbers perhaps for the reasons herein
after made plain as "a pikestaff.
All BARRIERS are disappointed men.
they have been chiselcd out of their for
tunes: they have been crossed in love.
They take to barbering as smaller men
take to drink or matrimony. There was
never yet merry barber. All this talk
about Figaro is nonsense. The only bar
ber who ever cut a joke was that time
worn barber of Napoleon, who jested
grewsomely of slashing throats. TO be
sure they now and again relate news
paper witticism, but they do it because
they are melancholy men. If u barber
should dance like st. Vitus and grin
like Momus, you may be sure that he
has heavy heart under his linen jacket
all the same. He is disappointed man;
this mirth is mockery, and his laughter
the cracking of thorns under pot.
When you go to get shaved you
usually go down pair of steps into
basement. A black man takes your hat
and stick You sit down to wait your
turn by marble-topped table, whereou
lie certain pink papers peculiar to such
| places. If you are modest man the
illustrations give you pain.
| Next"
| The fat barber, with the red mustache,
says this and you climb into his chair.
You know him. He is one of the crossed
in-love BARRIERS. He jerks the chair
back and dislocates your neck; wraps
you in pollIa-dot winding-sheet; tucks
damp towel into your collar and
knuckles away on your Adams apple.
Then he spreads your face with lather
and begins to sharpen his razor. The
lather dries; it stings and cracIles i'll
your ears and nose.
"Say." says the fat barber to the lean,
dyspeptic barber next to him. Gle
offered me SIS, an wouldn't take it..
| was in the hair department fur two
years. an don't want it, see? l don't
want it,
"Fourteent' street?" asked the lean
barber, who had soured on the world
because he wasn't born ten thousand
dollar beauty.
yep. What dye play to-day?'
"Roarin Gal-ten ter seving-come in
sixt'. What dye have?"
"Nothin'," says the fat barber.
He looks at you and seems very much
surprised to find the lather dry as a
bone; he evidently suspects you of
having done it; he looks at you for
awhile, and then sighs as though he
thought fate were rubbing it in n little
too hard. He lays down the razor and
takes up the lather brush, rubs it sadly
around your chin and checks.
Say" remarked the lean barber,
"why don't ye like bein' in hair?''
The fat barber pauScs thouGhtfully.
"Lool here You begin to object
He puts the lather brush in your
mouth and leaves it there while he con-
tinucs the conversation.
II dyn't like the dead uns,' he says
gloomily.
w llhU > JlleUl' dShS lllt lttill DdI
"The dago | was working for only
handled the cheap hairs, and they was
all dead uns You could always tell as
they were dead uns, because they haC
the roots on 'em. When You sees hail
with the roots ON 'cm you knows thai
they was pull outen the head of deaC
uns."
The fat barber takes the lather brush
out of your mouth and homes the razor
on the palm of his hand. This is very
annoying to a nervous man; you are al
ways hoping he will cut an artery anC
bleed to dcath-and you always know
he won't. He draws the razor along
your right cheek bone.
That amt good hair?" asked the lear
barber.
Nav? Cheap hair-wigs fur actresses
an the people. The best hair is conwcn
hair what they cuts Off young womer
who goes into converts, he adds, as h,
works his way round your chin and "
the left cheek. II want in convent
hair. Ihad charge of the Pen hair de
part, see?"
whats them?"
''Pen hair" said the fat barber, paus
ing, lis the hair wot they cuts otf'n the
heads of female convicts an male nnar
chists. See?"
Yep" says the lean barber
Thereupon your barber falls furiDusl'
upon you, tweaks your nose up ant
down, jerks your head this way ant
that You close your eyes helplessly
and hopelessly. Then he drops a soggy
warm towel over your face and squeeze
she water down your neck; whisks i
of.
"No bay rum" you say.
He pours bay rum into his hands anC
rubs his fat palms over your face.
Dye hear bout Williams?'
"Nope."
"Got 'em at Teddy's."
''Nope, this time incrcdulously.
"Yep, 6-16-66."
Nope" in astonishmeut
"Ycp-had gig myself las mont,
see? Yep"
mo powder, - you break in imploring
ly. The fat barber looks at you curl
ously, leans down. rubs corner of tn
towel with chalk ball, and streak
your face Herewith.
Nothing on my hair" you say, as h
; jerks the chair up and throws you
, neck back into joint, mo oil.
, So he soaks your head in oil ant
! combs it down in greasy paraboli
curves on your forehead. You get on
into the street and tho smell of tina
hair oil goeth before you, and the littl
odor thereof troop at your heels. Yo
hn4 Il