Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-03-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
lder the rose-The thorn.

Under the rose-The thorn.
A roll OF music-The drum solo.
The'best thing out-A confagration.
brakes Magazine.
"Does giblets move in the best So
ciety2" "Yes; he has to move. He
never pays his rent. Yale Record.
To begin at the top rung of the ladder
and to end at the lowest one is the great
combination of success in case of fire.
Puck.
The old man in his second childhood
is rarely as ridiculous as the young father
in his first 5abyhood. Indianapolis
Journal.
A Vigilance Committee in Montana is
cunning for church organist because he
passed off false note.--Binghamton
Republican.
Considering Mr.. Gladstone's achieve
ment with the axe, wouldn't it be more
appropriate to call him the "Graud Old
Feller2"-Boston Post.
A great deal of mystery attends the
running of the cars to the summit of the
White Mountains; they always go up
incog.-Lowell Courier.
Manager ct the Dime-"What's all
that racket up there2" Attendant
"Why, dog got in and has been gnaw-
ing the ossifed man. Minneapolis
Journal.
Richard-'I know people consider
Miss Smart pretty, but there's something
about her face that don't like" Will
iam-''Perhaps it is her noes. boston
Transcript.
A powerful example of moving elo-
quence is when the old gentleman put his
head into the parlor at ? o'clock and says
it is time for callers TO go.--Bing ghamton
Republican.
"What do you think of man who
will deliberately tell you that his baby is
no smarter than the general run of
babies9" 81 think he is a liar. In
dianapolis Journal.
She-''Promise me if die you will
never marry again" He-"What! And
let people think my dear little first wife
was such a terror that didn't dare to?
Never. Brooklyn Life.
Master-''Mary, wish you would be
more careful. | ana very sorry to hear
my wife has to scold you so often"
Mary-'Oh, don't you mind me, sir.
don't take any notice of it."-Comic.
Women are more faithful to memory
than men. All of them cling as tenaci-
ously and as long to their fyouth as they
can, and yet with many of them it is
mere memory. Philadelphia Times.
The beggar was reckless wight
Perhaps 1t was his fate.
handed him nickel bright,
For to relieve his hungry plight;
He sought the nearest slot in sight
And straightway tried his weight!
New Orleans Times Democrat.
Helping Him Out: Blngo-"Did you
succeed in cutting down your shopping
expenses this month as l requested9"
Mrs. Bingo-''Oh, yes, indeed, dear.
You know that nice woolen underwear
you wanted9 Well, got something in
cotton much cheaper. Cloak Review.
Mrs. ShoddY--'I want to make my
sons wife birthday present." Jeweler
--"Would you like to see our styles of
diamond necklacesg" Mrs. Shoddy--
"Yes, l want to get her something hand
some to wear around her throat. Give
me some of those diamond tiaras have
read about in the paper. Texas Sift-
ings.
Captains Wife Ito her husband)-
"Arthur, love, | want you to give Jack
a good dressing down tomorrow" Cap
tain-'What for? am perfectly salts
fed with the fellow" She-"Well, you
know, he has got to beat the carpets to-
morrow, and he strikes ever so much
harder when he is in bad temper. ~
Swabische Dorfzeitung.
"Scrawk! Scrawkl Scrawkr
Shovel the snow from your broad sidewalk;
Wake up the neighbor who signs for
snore;
Rest for moment; then give him some
more
sScrawki Scrawk Scrawkity y!-Scrawkw
Heed not the whirlwind of wild wicked
talk
That answers each burst of your snow shovel
din,
Piling up volumes of records of sin.
Just when the dawn is beginning to peep,
Just when we feel the true value of sleep,
Get out the shovel and all slumber balk
With 'sScrawk, Scrawkl Scrawkp'
Lewiston (Me.) Journal.