The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1892-02-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

Washington Star.
This life is joke, and the only
happy ones are those who do not carry
it too far.-AtchiSon Globe.
For a jackass endowed with the
power of speech, Baalam's did very
little talking. Brooktyn Life.
The man who "gras ped at a straw
wasn't drowning. He was trying to
"drown his sorrows. Boston Posi-.
1t may be remarked that the widow
er's weight of woe is generally the ex-
tent of his wait. Bingbanatos Leader.
Cannons are popularity supposed to
bark, but that is no basis for believing
that horse-pistols neigh.-St. Joseph
Meas.
The longer man lives the less con-
demnation he has for the suspicious
fellow who mistrusts everybody
Atcbison Globe.
She-''Will you instruct your daugh-
ter in the different languages" Great
No; one tongue is sufficient for
a woman. Fan.
Aft [ were a minister l should
hate to dine at bankers table" B.
"WhyPn A.-"Think of three days of
gracer'-YGLe Record.
Great men owe their fame to the
littleness of the rest of the world.
Fame is only a result of comparison
after all.-TerGs SJtingS.
The first thing that some women will
want to do when they get to heaven
will be to hunt up broom and dust
and clean.-IeraS SGftingS.
T.. L. jofk ko
admitting women to every walk of life
if they would promise not to go three
abreast. EEnaird Gazette.
Usually it is the man of the least i'm
portance who deems it most necessary
that his valuable person be protected
by pistol Indianapolis Journal.
At the Night School: Teacher
Nov, give me your attention" !"
Pupil-"Y have to excuse me. I'm
street-car conductor. ."-Boston Tran
script
He is mighty meek man that can
patiently hold the baby while his wife
puts in couple of hours at the piano
learning the latest lullaby. y.-IndiGn-
Gpotis journal.
A hermit and a tramp present about
the same general appearance; the dis
tinguishing feature is that one is re-
cluse, the other wreck loose. Uneo1s
County Standard.
The bomb-thrower who tried to kill
Russell Sage is said to have been cool
when he entered the office. He oer-
tainly was collected after he left it
YofaEerS Statesman.
"It is strange how fattery will often
81 "
great temptation for the social lion to
reverse Esop and get into the ass
skin. Washington Star.
If you have a reputation for being
too good to swear make it a point to
go out in the barn and carefully shut
the door before you open your tax
statement.-Atchisop Globe.
Wagg-' Smith, the baker, is very
scholarly person." Quigley-s'Why
soP" Wagg-''H has sign over his
pie counter, such stuff as dreams are
made of. -Harper's Bazar.
''What drove this poor man insane,
doctorp" He tried to figure cut his
wife's reasons for setting the clock
ahead whenever she wished to get up
early. Indianapolis Journal.
There are lots of men in the
world at the foot of the procession who
believe they are at the head, though
they admit that the procession is going
the wrong way.-Atchison Globe.
do you call this pintP" asked the
model hired girl of the milkman.
''Yes." well, it won't do. When
buy it at the grocery. y Washington
Star.
Bulfnch- Say, Wooden. how about
that great scheme you had? Did you
ever put it throughP" Wooden-"N
| didn't need to-" Bulfnch-"How i:
thatP" Wooden-'It fell through. y
Boston Courier.
He (highly obnoxious)- Good eve-
ming. You remember me, I hope" "
She with assumed cordiality) Yes,
perfectly. l am not one of those girls
who have convenient memories, you
know. Life.
Your son is half-back on the Null
ligatawny University eleven, is he not,
Mr.. Hicks?" He was this morning
| don't expect to see more than q
quarter of him back tonight. though. y
-Harper's BazaT.
Editor 0o guesD-"Try small
glass of this corn whisky" Guest
mo, sir; come from dry town. y
Editor (to waiter)-"John hand the
gentleman that quart measure!''-
Atlanta Constitution.
He-"They were married through g
matrimonial bureau. and he selected
her by her photograph" She-'.Anc
now they are off on their bridal tourP'
He-"No; he's gone to kill the photo
grapher."-N. Y. Herald.
There's limit to nv endurance, ;
said the old gentleman to his son wht
had applied for cash. Yes, father
replied the conscienceless youth, ''bu
l thought I'd like to speak to yol
about raising the limit, you know."-
Washington Star.
You are getting to be very fond o
coffee, Mr.. Hunker," said Mrs. Small
to her star boarder as he passed hi
cup for the third replenishing. Il
isn't that, Mrs. Small" replied Hunk
er, Pm taking the hot-water treat
ment. IN 7. Sun.
Fashionable Tourist (wiping hi
forehead on the Alps as he suddenl,
turns round rock)-''Just to thinl
of it! Here I've climbed 5000 feet Vi
the side OF this mountain only to NEE
face to face one of my heaviest credit
ors. Fliegeade Btatter.
Waggsy-"My resources are yer,
low, my dear, just now. l shall hav,
either give up our pew in the churcl
or you will have to forego your new
winter bonnet" Mrs. Waggsy-"Well
one is of no use without the other, s
l guess we'd better sacrifice both. %
Brooklyn Eagle.
Suppose you come and dine wit
US Tomorrow" Wouldn't the da
after do just as wellPn inquired tn
poor relation. Certainly; but wher
are you going to dine Tomorrow
20. here. You see your wife has bee
kind enough to ask me for that oc
casion. ."-IEd- Bits.
Miss Backbay (of Boston) "Whe
one graduates ones troubles are onl
begun, for there is life work to b
chosen. Do you think of one to whic
might be adaptedP" Mr.. Blocker e
New York)-''No, or-of course moi