Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1892-12-02
WRMtel-A Comet.

ssA~ "AuAAOy oA PAO0S-
ure to be able to arise on Monday morn.
ing, take the earth by the hand and con.
graduate it upon its narrow escape from
humiliation. There was not a person
who ekes out his existence upon the sur.
face of our terrestrial sphere but re-
joiced that the comet had been worsted,
Not one.
According to astronomers who have
been deemed heretofore infallible, there
was to have been a collision Sunday
night. The earth was to have been
s)ugged into insepsibility by a comet, at
a late hour in the evening. Everything
was to be IN chaos. The inhabitants of
the earth were to be spilled recklessly
into space, without a single interruption.
There was to be a shower of fiery mete-
ors, a torchlight procession, in fact a
general catastrophe.
Where is the comet? Where is the
collision? Where are the meteors?
Where is the catastrophe?
Sunday evening was a faultless night
for a comet. The sky was clear as crys-
tai, with not a cloud to obscure a comet
from view. As soon as it became dark
persons everywhere were looking for the
headlight of the comet. But the head
light must have gone out. 1t wasn't to
be seen. Not by q iugful.
A crowd stood on the corner of Main
street at about 9 o'clock. The several
persons who composed the gathering
we're mournful. They realized the awful
situation.
"Wonder where she'll strike first" ven
tured a small man with a red nose, "in
Mandan or Bismarck"
"Mandanw calculated a large, fierce
looking individual, with a cynical smile.
IF a comet struck Mandan it's ten to
one it would lose it's tail before it got
out of town."
1T the comet is possessed of an orai-
nary amount of intelligence it IL skip
Fargo" commented a clerical looking
parsonage, who was busily engaged in
smoking a cigarette.
"Why?" came from the group in cho-
U.S..
"Oh, Fargo would smash any comet
that ever lived, it's such q hard town.
replied he of the cigarette, with a sickly
smile.
The cigarette itself became ashamed at
this CHASTITY witticism and went out.
There was a lull in the conversation for
a time. during which the cigarette fend
was buried, and the remaining members
of the group began again:
"Well, it's twenty minutes of ten," an
nounced the first speaker, land she's due
in five minutes"
"Well, what of it? Who's afraid?''
~scofingly remarked the large man, as he
trembled SO violently that the city hall
became loosened from it's foundations.
Then they waited.
"Nine forty-five, she's DUE" walled the
little man.
They stood as if transfxed. No one
stirred. The town was still as death.
Nine forty-six-nine- tifty-sixty-a clock
struck the hour, and the noise nearly
aroused the ever-vigilant Pioneer Hose
company, they mistaking it for the fire
bell.
"She's failed to connect" gasped one.
"Fake," said another.
II told you so," said a tall man, who
was promptly dubbed to death.
"Let's all take a drink" observed the
red nosed man, sensibly. "Lord" he
%shuddered, II was afraid I had taken my
last drink"
They drank, profusely. Then they
drank some more. They became hilari-
ous-bcisterous-fnally sleepy, and all
sat down on the ground.
"Hic-cometsh," suffered the red
nosed man IN hour later. "Cometsh.
Been SEEM cometsh for fifteen minetsh.
Meteorsh. Silky 'sfull D. meteorsh. Been
allin'.hic-hundredsh O. meteorsh. Earsh
licked cometsh = licked meteorsh -
playe hell 'sh 'em. Cometsh be damned
hic-meteorsh be damned-h.i.c-"
Then he fell asleep.
The Population OF Bismarck
Is about 5000, and we would say at least
one half are troubled with the throat and
lungs, as those complaints are, according
to statistics more numerous than others
We would advise all our readers not to
neglect the opportunity to call on their
druggist and get a bottle of Kemp's Bal.
sam for the throat and lungs. Trial size
free. Large bottle Soc and $1.OO Sold
by all druggist.
Want to Sell Out
And 60 out of business. I intend to 20
to Europe, and must close out my entire
stock regardless of cost. My business
in n Of the best paying in the city, and
is an exceptionally good opportunity fol
someone who wishes to make money and
lots of it. II anyone who is not &C.
auainted with the business wishes tc
(buy I will stay with him a month or &C
hnd break him in. Come and see me
Rbout it, as I must close out. I will
AleO cell all my real estate. C%onsistinp al