The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1892-08-28
A BACHELORS PERIL.

elor, that man was Major Teller. Some
men are born TO old Observation-Disclosures
have old bachelorlIood thrust Gu them-and
the former class belonged to our major
You could have picked him out in a mul.
titude; if he had been labeled, like nm nm
tediluvian fossil or dried specimen of en-
tomology, there couldn't have been NOR.
certainty in the matter
He was dapper, thin little nun. some
thing under five feet in height, with Il
glossy black wig, closely trimmed side
Whiskers and costume so daintily neat that
he reminded you OF q shining black catl
He took Turkish bath in the morning,
ana Russian bath in the evening: he
came home to dinner at IL precisely, and
went to bed at | ut night, with his boots
standing at the foot of his bed and his
stockings ut the head, and his wig elevated
on his gas fixture and every chair in the
room standing at right angles with the
wall
IL was high noon OH sparkling windy
March day when Major Teller came horne
to the antique down town boarding hcus,.
where he Ind vegetated for the Inst twenty
years and went to his own room To brush
his wig for the midday meal Opening
the door he stumbled over al obstacle in
the way.
oh, beg your pardon, Pm sure" said
the major, turning very red and recover
ing his footing with difficulty.
1t was Miss Patience Pettiyrcw OF, her
hands and knees cleaning off the o:lclotL
at the door.
Now the major was afraid of Patience
afraid of her as tho plump lamb fear, the
gadnt wolf, or the unoffcnding robin the
dire serpent. Miss Patience was tall and
lean and sallow, but she curIcd her hair
and wore an artificial rose over her left
ear, ald sang little whistliIig tunes to Il
little spindle legged piano, and firmly l,e
lieved that if She only waited a little
longer she would get married to somebody,
AND because the major sat opposite her at
the table-Miss Patience helped her Wild
owed sister keep house" and served out
the gravy and sauccs-and regarded her
artificial rose and bears grease curl with
sort OF fearful fascination, Miss Patience
somehow opined that she should oNc dav
Cupid willing. become Mrs. Major Teller,
Its or no consequence, major" suid
MISS patience, recovering her piece of soap
which had skirmished out to the middle
OF the carpet. Il hope your fire isn't outn'
THANK you, na'am it is very good"
II do wonder, major" said Miss Pa
thence, with premonitory giggle, "why
you never got married.
The major retired preciptately behind
the coal scuttle and made no reply.
You'd be so much more comfortable.
you know" added Miss Patience, wiring
ing ort her WOODEN cloth and looking so
lovingly On the major that he rc..catci
Sill farther into his wardrobe, where.
among the swinging ef1igies of coats and
trousers, he felt comparatively safe.
Miss Patience hesitated n moment. and
in that moment the major felt ali the an
ticipatory aGonies of being pursued, can
tured, bought forth and possibly married
before he could get breath to remonstrate,
But she finally took up her pail and van
ishcd.
Dear me. that was a very narrow es-
cape" thought bur hero, emerging from
his sanctuary. "Some day she will be too
much for me. Perhaps I'd better change
my boarding place. Yes-that will he the
only safety L suppose couldn't very we'll
nave her sworn over to keep the peace,
ana really there's no saying what n de-
termined woman of fifty might not do.
I'll look out for a new place tomorrow"
Dear me, major, you have 10 appe-
titc," said Miss Patience swcetly at the
dinner table
NO, ma'am," said the major.
Try to eat n little-just to please me,
major"
NO, thank you, ma'am!"
Don't you know, major, people will say
you aye in love If you don't eat mores"
smiled the antiquated spinster
This was more than our hero could en-
dure; he rose up and left Miss Pettiprew
triumphant victor of the wordy field.
Il won't go back to that house if can
help it," thought Major Teller brushing
the cold dew away from his forehead with
crimson silk pocket handkerchief "Her
intentions are serious; know they are"
And the major in his iDnermost mind
reviewed the catechism and hymns he had
learned ms child trying to think if there
was not some invocation particularly suit
ed to an elderly gentleman in great peril
and perpleXity. But he could not remem-
Der anything appropriate to hissparticular
case.
Its twenty years since I've been in the
inside of church," thought the penitent
old offender. II wish had gone little
more regularly" wondefsif it's too late
In life to reform!"
For the major, poor old gentleman. had
a vague idea that religion" would be n
sort of safeguard against the wiles of his
fair enemy. Deliverance from Miss Pa
thence Pettigrew must be obtained on some
terms or other
AS Major Teller was franticaily revolv-
ing these things in his mind he came to q
sudden and involuntary standstill There
was a crowd gathered in the street-a
stalled electric or an arrested pickpocket,
or some other nucleus around which gath
ers the rapidly increasing swarm of metro
politan loafers. Now of all things Major
Teller most dreaded crowd, and lie looked
around nervously for some means of es
cape
An old fashioned church. with open
doors and some sort OF service going on in
n M sarts. T.