Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1892-09-22

saissored smiles.
@DoEs your new dress at you well,
Clara?" ooh, splendidlyi / can
hardly move or breath In it.p-New
York Press
SHE can syfnpathize with you
/ was married once myself He-3ut
you weren't married TO woman -
Brooklyn Lire.
Mrs. ENPIK-Marriage Is only
lottery anyhow. Mr.. Enpik-Hardly-
A man does get prize sometimes In
a lottery.-Detroit Free Press,
BUNKER-How much did your visit
to Cincinnati cost you? Hill
visited friend, and / can't tell yet
~Atil he comes on to visit me- -Pnck-
@ARE you in favor OF monopoly"
asked the stranger. "Yes," replied
the young man, "where your best girl
is concerned ann ~ New York
Herald.
@DoEs a man have to be a Christian
90 get through college .nOwadays?-
Not at all, but he must be mus
Gle man, without doubt. Boston
Courier. stss
CoBwIGGER-"Br doesn't talk
any more about the big fish he brings
home" Merritt-"His wife has
bought pair of kitchen scales -
New York Sun.
LovELL-This marrying rich wife
is Of no use. Markham-Why nOtr
Lovell-Because even after she's fast
asleep you can't find her pocket
New York Herald.
Mrs. MINKs-Why didn't you get
a divorce, dear? Mrs Winkins Sadly
Il found l wouldn't be able to get
alimony enough to support another
husband. York Weekly.
ETHEL-I'm as hungry as a big,
big lion. Mamma--Well, what do
you think a hungry big, big lion
would like to eat? Ethel Uoyfully)-
Fruit-cakc.- Harper's Young People.
Mrs. JAsoN-Jehiel, what is an
agnostic? Mr.. Jason-W'y, it is a
Teller that don't believe in neither
doctors nor preachers as long as he 10
in good health. Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
Mr.. TRoOMER-Where on earth Is
my new silk hat? I've looked every
where for it. His Bride (sweetly)-
You said you wanted it ironed, dear,
so / sent it out to the laundry
| Truth.
"TnE great problem about matri-
mony," said the Benedict Of recent
date, lis finding satisfactory place
to live. Marriage is not only lot
tery-it is a house-and-lottery.-
Washington Star.
"DoN'T you think Mr. Twiddles is
very absent-minded?" said young
woman. no." replied Miss Pepper
ton. HE displays admirable caution.
| What little he has he always brings
with him" Washington Star.
He had struck match on his boot
heel and his wife remarked: "You
are as spry as cat, aren't you?" do
you think SOP" he returned in
pleased tone. Eyes. You light on
your feet, you know Washington
Star.
SHE-"Well, If 1 can't live on my
income, and you can't live on yours,
where would be the advantage in our
marrying?" He (thoughtfully) =
"Well, by putting our incomes to-
gether one OF us would be able to live,
at an rate. Life.
GERTIE-Papa, will our new man.
ma go mad after awhile? Father
What a question! Why do you ask
such thing? Gertie-Well, heard
her tell the cook yesterday that she
got badly bitten when she married
you.-Kate Fields Washington.
JUDGE Ito prisoner)-You are
charged with having seriously in
jured your wife by inclosing her in a
folding bed. What have youh to say
for yourself? Prisoner--Your Honor,
l wished to see if it was possible to
shut her up.-Detroit Free Press.
i WooL-The alien contract-labor
law is getting to be dead letter.
Van Pelt--How so? Wool-Why,
look at the wealthy widows who have
: imported husbands this season. Van
Pelt-That's all right; they don't
J come over here TO work. Brooklyn
Life.
MOTHER see the iceman has
brought great lump this time. Did
you tell him ] said that IL he didn't
: stop giving short weight I'd have
him arrested? Little Dlck-No'm;
told him you said he was the hand
soonest iceman that ever came here
Good News.
Mrs. FRIENDLY-"What did your
husband say to you TO make you feel
so bad?" Mrs. Newlywed-"I told
, him that he hadn't been to church
since we were married, and he-boo-
I, hoo-said, No wonder-a-a-burnt
! child breads the fire'-boo-h
: Texas Siftings. IA as
! WOMAN is a noble word; fills much
better than "lady.F Walter Scott
knew better than to write, @Oh, lady,
in our hours of ease" etc, and you
couldn't hire Byron to revise cele-
/ brated passage to read, "Gentleman's
! love is of gentlcman's life thing
apart; tits lady's whole existence. p
Boston Transcript.
HoULInAN Gn the mcnageric)-
: Saint Pathrick presarve u.s. An
what may thot thing be? The Keep
, er-An iguana; Central America.
) Houlihan (relieved) frind, Oh
knocked off whisky for scein' better