Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1892-04-08
PROFESSIONAL AMENITIES.



The Grievance of the Living skeleton
and How It Was Received.
ITS no use" said the living skeleton
Il have tried my best to adapt myself to
the eXigencies of life in this establishment,
but can't do il. No one in my position
could do it. / have worn myself to skin
and bone in countless efforts to make
things pleasant for my companions. |
have trained down seven ounces avoirdu-
pois per week to please the management,
and / have worn black tights, which are
very unbecoming to my form, because the
tattooed lady wanted neutral background
for her complexion. And what has been
my reward? Harsh words and cutting re
marks and unfeeling illusions to Antinous
and the Apollo Belvedere. It's too much"
And the unhappy freak buried his face in
his hands and retired behind his walking
stick
That's what's the Natter said the
manager with marked sarcasm. You're
too much. You weigh nearly a pound
more than the skeleton dude at Smithers',
with all his iewelry thrown in. You're
queerin the show"
WHAT" cried the living skeleton from
behind his stick. you dare to reproach
me with my weight when you know that
it is due to your meanness, your parsimony,
your vulgar, grasping nature! When,
three months ago, | wanted to get my hair
cut, didn't you order me not to do so, be-
cause you wanted me to play understudy
to the Circassian beauty during the dull
season? And didn't you make me let my
nails grow so | could do the Wild Man of
| Borneo's turn when he had night off?
| Didn't you"-
Cheese i'll" said the tattooed lady.
! You're making the fat woman shake hall
| the flesh offer 'er."
Didn't l tell you?" cried the manager
shaking his fist excitedly at the walking
stick, from behind which came sounds as
/ of sobbing, that ducks a hoodoo? He's
uueered the show ever since he come, an
! he'll keep on queerin it as long as he stays
| Oh, il there was only more like himl No,
no more like him, but more of his kind.
I'd rather have the fakinest skeleton in the
business than him. He'll bankrupt the
management. He's worse'n the tortoise
boy"
migrate" retorted the living skeleton.
Serpent! Reptile! Iscariot!"
"Close yer jaw or yer'll swallow yerself,"
said the wild man, as he brushed his hair
before the ucCromancer's mirror.
"Be silent, you link" retorted the liv-
ing skeleton. "If Darwin were only hereH'
whats the matter with the living skel-
eton?" asked the modern Samson kindly.
as he carefully pasted together the torn
edges of a 1000 pound weight.
Nothing" answered the tattooed lady;
Hes outer sightn'
Cruel Heartlessr came from behind
the walking stick.
"Where are you?" called the modern
Samson. Come out and show yourself
Don't be afraid. I won't let 'em crowd
YOU
Il wouldn't mind it so much, said the
living skeleton as he appeared from bis
place Of hiding, "if they'd give a fellow
shadow of a show
But you amt got no shadow" said the
> tattooed lady tauntingly "and we're the
i show"
Hes not in it," interposed the wild
Z man.
Pm just as much a part Of the show a.
+ any of you" said the living skeleton
e Pm a good deal more Of it than some o
r you. In fact, l may say that l am thu
g framework Of the establishment" And h
n drew himself up proudly.
u q 'clar T. goodness, Brudder Bones, yC
] ultkS me lduBl. Nttill tllt " llAA man. W a
$ had once been very successful in the burn
Is cork branch Of his PROFESSIONALS in fac
II a regular burnt corker.
5 Don't use the vernacular, Whiskers,
4! said the modern Samson cuttingly; at
d bad form"
le SOS yer friend, retorted the wild MAJ
ne Hes not fake, anyhow" said tn
nc modern Samson.
I'd "Weu, you are" replied the wild maj
with an oriental sheer And what
III more, you're a.
al 1t is hard TO say what would have fc
&c lowed had not the fat woman, who hS
I'll hitherto listened silently, said:
ne "GentlemenW
he The word restored the excited freaks
us a sense of their social standing and tn
u at once retired to their respective pl5
forms, after each had bowed profoundly
the fat woman.
, Then the audience came in from t
no stage performance and the freaks took tn,
f. positions for the lecture.-New York Eve