Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-11-04
HUMOR OF The DAY.

HUMOR OF The DAY.
Called out on strikes--The militia
Puck.
Women seldom tease men they do not
love.-Milwaukee Journal.
The best "household receipt"-A war
ranty deed.-Texas Siftings.
A campaign lie may be nailed, but
caucuses are bolted.--Somerville Jour-
nal.
A boiling tea kettle Aces its best to
whistle like steam engine. RAMS
Horn.
The man who is blunt Of speech i not
apt to make cutting remarks.--Boston
Courier.
The shoemaker is man who fire.
quently gets beaten out of his boots
Statesman.
Why does man say he is going to
button his coat up and then proceed to
button it dewn2-Truth.
The man who has wisdom never tries
to guess what an embroidery pattern is
meant to epresent.-Puck.
When boy is smart there is ques-
tion whether he gets it from her folks or
his people. .-Atchison Globe.
The man who can honestly say that
he doesn't believe there is any such thing
as luck, must be in pretty easy circum-
stances.-Puck.
3 le was crusty person;
That was plain to any eye
That beheld her working briskly
AT the art of making pie.
Washington Star.
Why should any man in the bosom of
his household, reading aloud OF the cap
ture of a female pickpocket, look with
hard, hidden meaning expression at his
wife.-Philadelphia Times.
Mamma-"Arthur, didn't | tell you
to take these powders every two hoursa"
Little Arthur but you never
told me where you wanted me to take
them to."-Chlcago Inter Ocean.
Some backwoods philosopher chops
close to the line in the assertion that it
often costs more to have man do you a
favor than if you were to buy the accom-.
mediation and pay cash. blizzard.
There is great difference between
military engagements aud love engage
ments. In one there is a good deal of
falling in, and in the other there Is
good deal of falling out. Statesman.
"Mabel, this question of marriage is a
serious one that hope you have consid.
cred WE'LL" Mabel-"Ol, dear, yes,
auntie, have worried myself sick al
ready about my trousseau. Chicago
Inter-Ocean.
"That beats me-" said good Mrs.
Jason, as she read that a fire was sup
posed to have been caused by "mice eat
ing Matches" 'I've heard of pie-eating
matches and sch, but this is new one."
indianapolis Journal.
''Men is mighty skittish critters" OBJ
served old Mrs. Thirdwed. '.Either
they air SO cross that there's no a-bearin'
'em around the house. or so goodnatured
that you dassant trust 'em out O. your
sight. t."-Indianapolis Journal.
Rev. Mr.. Prolix-"How did you like
my discourse last Sunday, Mr.. Fogga"
Fogg--"To tell you the truth, was not
altogether pleased with your premises,
but was delighted beyond measure at
your conclusion. boston Transcript.
Mrs. Chugwater-"Josiah,la last Satur-
day was my birthday, and you forgot all
about it'll" Mr.. Why,
Samantha, my dear, the time passes
h'm-so swiftly in your society that your
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. round before !
know it. Chicago Tribune.
Bald Teacher-"Now, little boys,
after what I've told you, can any of you
define 'nothingF" Little Yorick-
"Yes, fir, l can." Teacher-"Well
how would you describe it9' Little
Yorick-"Please, sir, it's what you've
got on the top of your head. ."-Drake's
Magazine.
snow, Mr.. Lakteel," said Mrs. Van
Braam to her milkman, az am going to
ask you question, and if you evade
answering l shall take my trade else
where" "Yes'm." "Do you put water
in your milki" "Well, mum, must
confess that 1 put in little, but al
ways boil it first. You needn't be
afraid of microbes, ma'am." Pittsbrrg
Chronicle.
wonder If I couldn't collect at least
half of the insurance on my wife, re-
marked Colonel Percy Yerger to Major
Withcrspoon. Why, is your wife deada
asked this friend. Well, not exactly.
But every night when come home late
she says she is half dead with fright anf
anxiety. 1t seems TO me that in law and
equity could collect half the insurance
monev-Texas Sifiinos