St. Landry democrat., 1892-11-05

sibly They Are-She Had An Adj
vantage-Where the Hitch Came
In, Etc, Etc.
IN THE BACKGROUND.
II hear you are going to marry Miss
Bullion I should think you would
marry Goldie Sterling; she is just as rich
and much younger"
Eyes, my dear boy, but Miss Bullion's
papa is much older"
Cawker--What is this pair of specta-
Giles worth?
Jeweler-Three dollars.
Cawker-Can't you knock off half be-
cause I'm blind in one eye?
POSSIBLY THEY ARE.
"Two heads are better than one" said
the wife fs she attempted to set her hus-
band right and didn't do it.
eyes, in barrel of flour, !" he respond
ed tartly and she left him to his own de-
vices.
SHE HAD AN ADVANTAGE.
Elderly Lady (wishing to ingratiate
herself with popular author)-Ah, dear
Mr.. Sniff, knew your late father when
you was very little boy.
Popular Author-Indeed, madam
There YOU have the advantage of me, for
my father died before was BORN Pick
Me-Up.
WHERE THE HITCH CAME N.
"she is awfully homely."
eyes, but she has got plenty OF money
"True, but you've got to marry her to
get it."
eyes, I've got to marry her; that's
where the hitch comes in"
HE KNEW HIS RIGHTS.
Dead Beat (humbly, to swell, old time
friend of his)-Lend me dollar.
Swell (handing it over)-Now, old
man, for goodness sake don't 60 and
| spend it in drink.
Dead Beat (haughtily, pocketing the
| two half -dollars) What right have yoG,
sir, to dictate to me how should spend
my own money?
A DISTINCTION.
"Johnny, are you teaching that parrot
to use naughty words?'
"No'm Pm just telling it what ii
mustn't say"
AN UNSATISFACTORY PURCHASE,
Lord A Don't you think you ought
| to call me, ''dear?"
| His American WITCHES, at any price.
| FUTURE GREAT MERCHANT.
Tommy-Can we play at keeping a
store in here mammal
Mamma (who has a headache)-Cer-
| tainlv, but YOU must be very quiet.
| Tommy-Well, we'll pretend we don't
advertise.
HE WAS BUSINESS.
One day during the hot spell an opti-
clan on Woodward avenue had a number
of thermometers hanging around his
front door. Various persons consulted
Them and finally a solemn appearing old
gent stopped and between mops of his
streaming face he took look at each in
strument.
"Are these for sale?" he inquired of
the proprietor.
"Certainly, sir" responded that gen
| tleman with an eye to business. 'DO
you want to buy one?'
"Um-er-wcll, no. he said with a
half smile; IL guess not to-day /; they're
too high. I'll see you when they are
lower" and he moved on quietly and
cheerfully.- Detroit Free Press.
CARRYING MORTGAGE.
Bilkins-Jimson must have built that
fine house of his under mortgage,
didn't he?
Wilkins-Yes. How did you know?
Bilkins-I notice his shoulders are be-
! ginning to look like Mansard roof
| New York Weekly.
| LoNG-FELT WANT.
Sappy-By dropping a nickel in new
machine cigawette will come out,
doncher know.
Miss Flypp-What I want to see is a
machine that you can drop a nickel into
and a cigarette will go out Puck.
WELL EQUIPPED.
Ethel-My vocal instructor says voice
like mine is worth five hundred year in
any church choir.
| Maud don't doubt; besides you've
got genuine soprano temper to 60 with
it. New York Herald.
| A HEAVY SHOWER.
Mother-How did you get so wet? Did
you fall overheard?
| Little Dick-Dunno. 1t rained so hard
| out there l couldn't tell whether | was
overheard or not.
| HE DIDN'T CATCH ANYTHING.
Employer-You took day of
to go fishing Yesterday
| Employe-Yes, sir.
Employer-Catch anything?
Employe-Nothing, sir.
Employer (making powerful effort te
appear calm)-Come up to my house this
evening. l want to have talk with you
about taking you into partnership
| New York Press.
| KIND AND CONSIDERABLE.
"My wife is kind and considerate
woman"
81 am glad to hear it."
| ''She never calls me a fool, as some