davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Mrs. Grumpps: There are thousands of
occupations in which men have places which
women should fill. Why shouldn't women
be druggists? Answer me that!
Mr.. Grumpps: This cottage pudding isn't
good at all. How did you make it?
Mrs. Grumpps: I took few handfuls of
-four, and some milk and few eggs, for
get how many, and some sugar, 1 think, and
l believe I added some salt and and maybe
some baking powder, don't know how much.
never measure.
Mr.Grumpps: That's why.
Now York Weakly
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

THE New York Central has recently
given orders for 40. 0OO tons Of rails.
THE postof1ice and Geographic de-
partments in Spain have been con-
solidated.
A PROMINENT grocer in London,
has provision cart" that is run by
electricity.
AN English syndicate is reported
to have bought six packing houses in
Chicago.
TIE steel rail makers of this
country now have orders on hand for
600, 600 tons of rails.
NEAR Caspar, WYo., a valuable vein
of coal has been found just beneath
the grass roots.
SANTA FE railroad employees have
refused to handle freight coming off
an opposition road.
THERE are now about two and d
quarter millions of acres in Scotland
occupied by deer forests.
A COMPANY for the manufacture Of
artificial ice has been formed in JeT-
sey with a capital of $3.50, 900.
THE value of the farm products in
this country IN 1891 amounted to
$500, 900, 900 more than what was pro-
duced in 1890.
ACALIFoENIA man has invented an
arc light that will burn for sixty-four
hours. The carbons are spiral in
form.
TITS proposed to unite all the islands
of Japan by a system Of submarine
telegraph cables. The estimated cost
is 81, 900, 900.
FIREFLIEs are employed in some Of
the West Indies for lighting purposes,
being confined in glass lanterns for
that object
a JOHNS HOPKINS professor has in
vented adividing machine with which
he can draw a million lines to the
square inch
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

There is no better way. to educate yourself
tending school the coming year, write to the
Western Normal College, Lincoln, Neb.,
VIM. NJ. CrOan, Pres; w. ]. Kinsley, Sec'y.
If you attend their school they viii pay your
car fare, hence distance Will make no differ
ence to you, and you will have an enjoyable
trip get to see much of the West, spend a
few months in Lincoln, the beautiful capital
city OF Nebraska and at the same time obtain
a thorough, practical education at that great
est of great schools-the Western Normal
College. This is no catch, but a BoEAFIDE Of
fel. Write for particulars.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
A Resemblance.

aid. McBoodle is a fne-looking
man, amt hep" said friend OF ours
one day.
Yes" replied another, 4 was
taken for him once"
~Youl Why care for that? 1 was
taken for him. 1 went on his ball
bond and was taken for him-by the
sheriff. Exchange.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

See what have bought you for q birthday
PRESENT. got it at an auction-a genuine
antique, old-fashiOned boOt-jack, such as
your colonial ancestors used"
Husband: I haven't worn boots for TWEEN
ty years.
Little Wife: know. Won't it look love
ly when its decorated and hung up?
New York Weekly
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

A.: am in an awful fix. B.: What's up?
A: have nothing to eat, and 1 have moth
ing to pawn except my false teeth. Now, if
I pledge them to get bit of food I shant be
able to eat it. It's the very first time such a
thing has happened to me in my life. Lend
me francs, will your
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
Yerv IiIlelv rher Wound.

SpOony Dry Goods Clerk to smart
miss trying on hat before the glass;
Don't I wish I was a looking
glass;"
Smart Miss-@Yes, perhaps you'd
get more girls to look at you then"
Clerk cOllapses and has to be car
ried out.-TeXas Strings
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
Curiosity saiisned.

Burly Tramp: Wot's tn good of a little
dog like that
Mrs. Rural: To keep of tramps.
HE, hei Wot kin that little critter doI''
HE can bark and that viii wake up the
big dogs under the porch"
Yes, mum. Good day, num-
New York Weekly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

''How do you do, Mrs. Yerger?'' 'sPretty
well, thank, you, Mrs. McGinnis." 'eHave
you been calling this beautiful afternoon? 20
We'll, not precisely. I started out to call on
fore I fortunately remembered that this vas
her tat home dawn
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
CHANGE for AIhIete..

Farmer: Yes, want man. Are you
good jumper?
Applicant: Jumper? Well, yes.
"You could jump barbed wire fencI
without much trouble, s'pose?''
''Um; l s'pose so"
''Well, that's all right, then; you'll do
You see, some of our bulls is a leetle wild"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

ENGLISH statesmen are trying to
find some means of protecting that
country from typhus from America
The best way would be a thorough
inspection Of her emigrants to this
country TO prevent it being carried
over here.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Clerk: There are two kinds of cloth to
match the shade of this sample you have, sir /;
one is much more expensive than the other.
Have you any idea which your wife prefersl
Customer: Oh, yes! She wants the one that
costs the most.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

ted voice, ST have lost my pocket book;
can't find it anywherev' sit is exactly
whore you left it last night, john" replied
Mrs. Billus, from the top of the stairway. ''Ii
Is in the left hip pocket of the striped trous-
ers you hung up on the last hook in the clos
ct; but there isn't anything in it-now."
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

81 want to go to the funeral of the little
girl across the street." said little Molly Fiz-
zStop to her mother. fsSo, no, my child
replied Mrs. EizZletop; tayou were at matt
nee yesterday afternoon; Last night you were
at a concert, and you are going to chill
dren's party tonight. That Is enough anuse-
ment for little girl of y years of age.'
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Friend: What on earth are you doing to
that picture!
Great Artist: am rubbing a piece of raw
meat over this rabbit in the foreground. Mrs.
De Shoddie will be here this afternoon, and
when she sees her pet dog smell of that rab-
bit she will buy it.
New York Weekly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Mr.. De Loud: I have-er-called. sir,
about-er-about your daughter, sir. Will
you listen TO my suit?
Old Gentleman: Huh! could hear that
suit block off.
New York Weekly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
The Only One Ever Printed--can You Eins
the Word?

There is 3-inch display advertisement
IN this paper this week which has no two
words alike except one word, The sane !,
true of each new one appearing each week
from the DR.. Harter Medioine Co. Thi,
house places a Crescent on evervthi nf
they make and publish. Look for IT, SEND
turn you Book, BEAUrIFuI' IIrHoaRAPas =,
SAAIITEs FREE.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Good morning, Herr Fassbender, have
TO ask you favor. You see I want to pawn
my bed If you viii only be 80 kind as to let
me sleep in it at nights; you can keep It for
yourself all day you know"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

We ofer One Hundred Dollars reward for any
case Of catarrh that cannot be cured by taking
Halls Catarrh Cure.
We, the undersigned, have known F. j. Cheney
for the last i5years, and believe him perfectly
honorable in all business transactions, and f.
nancially able to carry out any obligations made
by theirfrm.
WEsr & TRUAx, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
WALDne, KIESAR & MARVIN, Wholesale Drug
gtsts. Toledo, o.
HALLS Catarrh Cure is taken intern ally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces OF
thesystem. Testimonials sent free. Price zoe,
per bottle. Sold by all druggists
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
Tic New Way.

First Bank Director: I think it would be
a good idea, some time or other, to quietly
employ a physician to enquire into the men
tai and physical condition of our cashier.
think he is suffering from paresis.
Second Bank Director: My, my! How
much has he stolen!
New York Weekly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

'Give me few Eennies, sir, to- ''Here
here's quarter for you poor fellow. "''Thank
you, sir, but-er-this is a Canadian quarter,
sir, and don't take Canadian or mutilated
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

'iWillie Flint" SAID the teacher, 81 have
kept you IN after school hours as a punish
ment for whispering. You may return to
your seat and write a composition on
spring" After half an hours severe strug-
gle with the subject William went up to the
teachers desk and submitted the following
sssay on spring. Spring IN this County Is
Like this. Yesterday It Was ianuerry and to
morrow Is viii Be july that's all knaW
about Spring William 6ink"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
Fintrthan a Hair.

Recent improvements in wire draw
ing have made it possible to draw
platinum and silver into wire that is
finer than human hair.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

When Baby was SIGH, we gave her Castorias
Whsn she was Child, she cried for Castor 4,
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria.
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Mrs. Minks: There's one good quality
about these matches. They always make a
noise when one steps on them.
Mr.. Minks: Yes; they are just as safe as
rattlesnakes.
New York Weekly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Careful Mother (severely): Mabel, I have
discovered that you went with Mr.. Nicefello
to a restaurant after the opera the other
night. When I asked what made you so late,
you said it was on account of the long waits.
Mabel: Yes, ma, the waits at the restau-
rant. YOU know.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

You Can Secure a Good Business Position
Dy leArning oookkeeping, arithmetic writing short
hand etc. By mail, Bryant's College, Bnnalo, n Y
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Mrs. Tinkle: Pm glad to hear you playing
some new pieces this year. Maudie Spoons !:
No; they're the same ones played last year
only I've had my piano tuned.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Miss Fifthseason: And you will take me
as am? Mr.. Marryforeash: Yes, don't
want to wait till you're much older, love.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

1t Is the chlekens counted before they are
Matched that always come home to roost.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Drawing Teacher (despondently): That
thing you've drawn looks more like COW
than it does like horse. Fair Pupil bright
ly): Why, of course, professor. 1t is COW.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

". J. Mcdonald, superintendent Lanneau
Manufacturing Co., GreenviIe, S. c., says:
MY wife has used Rradycrotine for headache
ferings.n
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

,v.. =. H L5 Magic Corn saIve.,s
your druggist for II Price Is cents.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
No Need TO Luton,

If some people had faith to move mount
aims, they would soon make all their neigh
bors' land very hilly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Mrs. WfnsIoW's S0osh NJ Syrup for Chill
dren teething, softens the gums reduces in1am-
nation, allays pain, cures wind Colo. &c
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

At the close of prize fight one pugilist
bears striking resemblance to another.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

SICK HEADACHE, chills, loss of appetite,
and all nervous trembling sensations quickly
cured by Beecham's Pills, 25 cents box.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
He ana ais Wife.

Wife: need little more money.
Husband: It is only two days since"
Wife: Now see here! want you to un-
derstand that I wouldn't ask for money if
didn't need it, and l don't intend to be re-
minded that it's only two days since you
gave me some. I am not child, nor me
NAL, nor a slave, to be treated like an ire
sponsible beng, and just want you to know
that 1 won't stand it either, so there now,
you"
Husband-''My dear, was merely going
to remark that it is only two days since
drew my salary, and you could have all you
wanted.
New York Weekly
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
Ynnr car Eare PAID

A mans reputation is what his friends say
about him; his character Is what his enemies
say about him.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

A man In New jersey lighted cigar, com
meneed smoking IT, and then shot himself
Ihe brand of the cigrr IS not stated.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

Said franklin: ''He who takes a wife
takes care" Therefore, my son, take care
and do not take wife.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
One Gnnd Quality

Cloak Manufacturer: Have you had any
experience? Applicant: I've been doing
time the last six years.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
Howss This9

The girl who has had a faithless lover
should be sharper next time; she is cutlass
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

When the mercury is climbing up in the
nineties it makes one sigh for other cimes.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

UoIIlhh DdPtlSt DrttGfeh 10 CEDAR Rapids.
The Chicago, Milwaukee & st. Paul R'y is
the only direct line between Kansas City and
Cedar Rapids, and to the members attend
ing this conference offers superior advanta-
ges for transportation. Special train will
be run for the accommodation of brethren
attending this conference. Tickets will be
on sale May Both to June 9Th, and good tn
return until June Both. A very low rate will
be made for the brethren attending. For
further information address
j. H. VEITCH,
General Agent,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
whsn visitInr Kansas cIty stop At

the Blossom HOUSE opposite Union Depot
First Glass in every respect, Rates, $3.50 per
day.
Gable cars to all parts of the city pass the
door.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

The world isn't so wicked as the applause
of poker joke at the theatre would indicate.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

run off with it.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
German Baptist Brethren 10 Cedar Rand,

The young lady without an engagement
ring has nothing on hand to speak of.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

OEOs IL EOOIE,
City Pass. 4 Ticket Agent
At Kansas Civ Mo 3t
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

New York Weekly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02

e .s ss, SO g g. ThOmpsons &c KaIsE.
Z. n. Q. I. 462-2z
e1Fy-When answering any OF these advertise
m0nts, please mention this papsrs
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1892-06-02
Plenty Like Her.

New York Weekly.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05

THE Pacific Mail Steamship company
is very fond of subsi dies, whether they
come from the government or from the
railroads. 1t has tried hard to hold on
to both, although it would seem that the
acceptance of one is incompatible with
the retention of the other. Representa-
tive Bowers has his eagle eye on the
p. M. S. s. Co., and is determined to
compel it to deal on fair business prin-
ciples with San Diego, or lose the gov
eminent bonus. His resolution on the
subject charges the company with
grossly, unlustly and unlawfully dis
eliminating against San Diego, by refus.
ing to receive or transport freight OF
passengers at that port except at exorbi-
tant rates. In this the P. NJ. S. S. Co.
is, of course, carrying out its contract
with the railroads that have subsidized
it. Mr.. Bowers is in position, and in the
humor too, to make the company do the
right thing by San Diego or lose the
government bonus for carrying the
mails. He will have the moral backing
OF this portion of his former constitu-
ency in this matter.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05

NILEs's re solution, excluding federal
and state officials from the convention,
would have passed if it had been drawn
up in palmer and more concise Ian
guage. Ofice-holders should not be
permitted to take seats in party conven-
tions. AS class they are antagonistic
to the people. When man becomes
an office-holder he begins TO look upon
the people somewhat in the way that
Bounderly looked upon the working peo-
pie of Coketown. The fact is, nomina-
ting conventions are called to deaf ex-
clusively with the political interests of
the people, and it is an impertinence for
the disciplined and organized hosts of
fticp-holders To try to Tan these conven.
tiohs, as they tco often succeed in do
ing, in their own interests without re-
gard to the wants of the people. The
time will probably come when the ex-
clusion OF Office holders from the polit-
ical councils of the people will be con
sidered a matter of absolute urgency
Men who take Office are public servants
and ought to know their place.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05

THERE is something in the develop
ment of material for street pavement
going ON in Cotton which may turn out
to be OF very great general importance.
Pulverized marble pits have been found
in Slower mountain, and it seems that
there is more or less cement intermin-
gled with the crushed marble. This
material is being tried on the principal
streets of Cotton as a pavement, and as
far as the experiment has gone it has
proved to be solid, compact and durable,
shedding water completely and increas-
ing in hardness from use. A great boon
would be conferred upon the towns and
cities within easy access to these pits if
the material fully approve itself of
value for street work. Slower mountain
has for many years been quarried for
marble, and very fine quality of
stone is now being quarried and worked
into all kinds of shapes for use in build
ings and in Ornamentation and the arts
by New York marble company. 1t is,
indeed, a mountain of marble, and
where the pits have been found there
has been some disturbance of the great
mass which by friction and pressure has
resulted in the granulation of the mar
Bile. The supply of this material is said
TO be unlimited.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05
LETTER BAG.
"Those Hoodlums."

EDITORS HERALD: AS one of those
hoodlums mentioned in the Riverside
Press of April 81, 1892, consider it my
duty to vindicate myself and the other
hoodlums.
In the first place. must we be classed
as hoodlums, because we shouted and
screamed? Can you expect crowd of
native Californians, about 700, including
native daughters, out on an excursion,
to get down upon their knees and pray.
at every street corner? The boys were
out for a good time, and am sure that
myself and all the other hoodlums are
too gentlemanly to insult any lady, even
if she does happen to reside in the city
of Riverside. That the boys and girls
also gave full play to their lungs, will
lot deny, but is it fair to call US hood
lums for 30 doing? Does Mr.. Mcleod
think we should sit with our
mouths closed like CLAIMS during
the whole trip? The street cars
were provided for our special benefit,
and if the school children and citizens
mentioned missed the p. m. car, it was
no fault of ours. Mr.. Mcleod spoke of
our trying to run the street cars off the
track and into the canal. Now, does he
think this is reasonable talk, that we
would try to endanger our own lives as
we'll as others? did not happen to see
the runaway of Mr.. Pond, but from what
1 can learn l understand that the horses
took fright from the water running over
the side of the cart and splashing their
feet. In what way could we hoodlums
make that water cart overflow?
The Native Sons are all educated men,
and they know the difference between
an orange and a pepper tree. and Mr..
Mcleod must have a good deal of con-
ceit if he thinks he is the only person
who does. Hoping you will give this
matter space in your paper, remain.
yours very respectfully,
GUsTAvE WEISS,
One of those hoodlums.
Martinez, May 8, 1892.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05

The approaching visit of Mayor Grant
of New York city, Lieutenant-Governor
Sheehan, Hon. Edward Murphy, chair
man of the Democratic state central
committee of the Empire state, and
Hon. Bourke Cochran to Southern Cali
fornia, is exciting good deal of interest
amongst the political guild nuncs. The
Hill club has determined to meet the
situation by rendering the distinguished
gentlemen a reception at Turnverein
hall. Their object is said to be health
and recreation, but it is assumed that a
little cordiality on the part of the local
Democracy will not come amiss.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05
ADJUSTMENTS. A

There was large and appreciative
audience at the Grand opera house last
night to witness the second perform
ance of Paul Jones. Miss Huntington
took another strong hold upon the hearts
of her auditors by her superb singing,
and the company gave most excellent
support. The costumes and scenic ef-
fects are both elaborate and beautiful.
Herman Perlet, the musical director, is
a maestro of the first order, as exempli-
fed in his splendid work in the conduct
of choral and orchestral movements.
Tonight Paul Jones will be repeated.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05

Mr.. MILLS, the great evangelist, will
arrive here today, and commence his
revival work in the Simpson tabernacle
this evening. If his labors meet with =
success in this city similar to that which
attended them in Portland and the
Puget Sound cities, then we are on the
eve of one of those phenomenal eras of
conversion such as have occurred at in
tervals in various parts of the United
States. The clergy and church people
of Los Angeles have made very thor
ough and extensive preparations to in
sure the success Of the mission of Mr..
Mills.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05

THE flower show of the California
State Floral society will take place at the
Mechanics pavilion in San Francisco,
on May 11th, 18th, 18th and 14th. 1t
will doubtless be most interesting
event. The disposition to make floral
displays is growing all over California.
Hitherto the most signal successes have
been in this end of the state. The Los
Angeles displays have been superb,
while the late flower festival at Santa
Barbara was marvel of floral splendors
and artistic arrangement.
Los Angeles herald., 1892-05-05

The more we hear from the country
the more we are confirmed in the belief
that the late rains have been of immense
benefit to the agricultural interests of
this section. Grain that had been given
up for lost will now mature into good
crop. Beans, pototoes, ETC., and the
berries, have been greatly benefited by
the rains, and the soil everywhere, that
was becoming dry and hard, has been
softened and enriched by the timely and
liberal visitation of moisture.