Arizona republican., 1892-01-20
LONOON HEATER ToUrS.

Sow Patrons Arc Made Miserable b,
 Cloak, Programme and Other Fiends.
 Ton have scarcely put your nose in side tbeater before you arc seized upon and called to stand and deliver First it is your coat. Men and women rush after you and poster you for your coat, They would rejoice if all were foolish enough to yield to their importunate demands, and risk colds, coughs, influenza and bronchitis for the rest of their natural life Why, it is madness to venture into the stalls without draft protector Modern theaters are so constructed that they are mere draft traps.
 If you are seated near the door you risk stiff neck You must wrap your cloak around you and be careful to protect your legs from the blasts of wind that pour in from every crack and canny. If you are in the center of the stalls, at many theaters directly the curtain is raised tornado of wind rushes across the footlights and catches you by the throat. often think that women are mad who venture into theaters with low dresses in winter time It is bad enough for men
 And yet these attendants get quite of fended if we do not leave behind us the only garments that will protect us from sudden death. Remember that no one is free from the theater highwaymen. Even those who go in with orders cannot get out of the cloallroom or programme tax At last they must pay. remem- Der once going into theater with a friend who had a keen sense of the lu- dicrous. think it must have been W s. Gilbert. 1t was a morning perform ance and he was attacked in the usual way:
 Goat, sir
 What do you want with it?
 ITO take it of.
 "Very well. he murmured innocently.
 The hIghwayman prepared to strip of his coat, and behold! my friend, who had prepared for the dodge, walked away in his shirt sleeves. He had only put on his overcoIt, with nothing un- deIneath it.
 Unconcerued he was preparing tO en- ter the stalls cOatless. when the attend ant rushed after him
 Look here, sir, you must not go into the stalls like th1t!"
 "Why not;" he asked with a bland and innocent air You asked for my coat. You have got it What more can you wantF
 The coat and cloak tiends having been disposed of, you encounter the second rank of touts, Now it is q programme for which you must pay. They inso- lently bar your passage. They dun you and din into your ears, Programme sirr 1t is not civil request to know if you would like programme or not, but demand with an implied threat. The implication Is that you are stingy person, who has no right to be seen in the stalls.
 But this is not all Having gone through the first easy stages of theatrical purgatory, you arc worried all the even ing with ice sellers and chocolate vend- ors and stale cake providers If you are in the stalls, safely wrapped up from the drafts, these touts edge in between the very narrow and uncomfortable stalls and generally make hay. They tread on your toes, they disturb the lit tie nest you have made, they make havoc with the ladies back hair, pulling out confiding hairpins and crushing the re- suit of the maids handiwork. They don't care if they dig you in the eye with an ice tray or powder you with the refuse of sponge cake or bury you under chocolate boxes.
 Their duty is to make as much money as possible for the speculating contract tor. It is not their fault, poor things They all get q commission on their wares and it is their duty to tout Clement Scott in London Graphic.