Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1892-09-01
WIT AND
rnEr WE'RE QUIETLY wrpprp.

-
THEY WERE QUIETLY welded.
when n Eshslbert and Anselinc in matrimony
all declared; P"e
pu' ' Isas subsequent sub divorce suit made such
mat !, reused up all the neighborhood for six-
Indianapolis Journal.
The old maid is always ready for the
question.-Aurord Post.
The Hammock Song" is the latest.
It's bound to be popular. 1t has such
a swing to t.-Yonkers Statesman.
The man who "has the pulp at a
picnic is generally the thoughtful
chap who has brought a flask.-Bostos
BHRetin.
The bad boy who goes fishing on a
Sunday catches more than the good
little boy who chooses another day
Davenport Democrat.
Il wonder how Cholly and Miss
Budd came to be so well acauainted?p
why, i believe they both 90 to the
same tailor."-N. Y. Herald.
Bootblack-"Shine, sirP" Gentleman
Gmpatiently)-"Cannot you see that
my boots are blackedP" Bootblack-
Yes, but it's bad job. Guess YOU
did it y'rself. GoodNetos.
Miss Budd's heart is like a volume
in a circulating library" "How is
thatP' Not to be kept longer than
two weeks."-HGrper'S Bazar.
Ii makes no difference how ambi-
tious a man may be to excel; at this
season he can endure being Thrown
into the shade. "-BoSton Courier.
1t often happens that a fellow who
won't 60 home till morning" can't 90
home then until somebody paws a fine
for him.-Binghamton Republican.
To show that the flannel shirt is re-
spected it is only necessary to remark
that it is handed down from sire to
son after it is washed.-N. Y. San.
Considering the troubles over labor
in all parts of the country. maybe the
tramp is instinctively wise in having
nothing TO do with it.-Philadclphia
Times.
Marian-"Which would you rather
be-independently rich or happily mar
riedg" Lillian-"Independentiy rich,
for then | should get happily married"
~ l. LTCSS.
Fangle-O, there are no masters of
the art of writing fiction nowadays"
Cumso-~You are not reading this.
years circus posters eyidently."-De-
trOit Free Press.
Miss Scadds-~Do you think MrF.
Callow is n good conversationalist?f
Miss Munich, yes! Why, the deai
fellow a say 'Weally now with fifty
two different Infection Puck.
Shelf you love me as you say yor
do you would not hesitate to ask papa.
He-~Darling. that is my very reason
You are not the beneficiary under nv
present insurance polioy."-N. Y. Her
aid.
Employer-"What do you do with
your Saturday half-holiday?" Clerk
20, | have a good time thinking where
| would go and what fun | would have
if it were a whole holiday."-M Y.
Weekly.
Mrs. Gadder-"Have you seen Mrs.
Hemphill since her husband elOped
with the cook" Mrs. De Gush-"Yes,
she doesn't care; she was going to
give the cook notice anyway."-BrO0E-
Ign Life.
She Ito Cousin George, who has just
returned from the tropies)-"O George,
dear, how kind of you to bring me this
dear little monkey! How thoughtful
you are! But-but it is just like you!"
Funny Folks.
at seems to me that young Tony
Knob in the drawing room is a long
! tsp,, zaWsn, Good nspht : Tho m Ila.
cars have already stopped" "He can't
go, pa. Sister 5 sitting on him. "-Kan-
sas city Journal
NO" said Miss Ferula, "Tm not
much of a speller myself, l must adj
| nit; but then, you know, I've been a.
teacher nearly all my life. and I've
never had any time to teach myself"
Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Slimson-~May Clara is an aw-
fully delicate girl; she can't stand
anything" Mrs.Von Blumer-"Neither
can my Maude. She put on a sailor
hat the other day, and it made her sea
sick. "-Ciodk ReUiet0.
Bad Luck-"Pm the most unfor-
tunate man in the world" said Binks.
"Why, ! found five theater tickets in
the street this morning and every one
of 'em was for last nights perform
ance."-Brookiyn LJe.
q don't see what attraction the girls
can find about young Sapley. Why,
his mind is positively feeble" yes;
but as he hasn't any occasion to use it
they probably have never found it
out."-TndidHap0IiS Journal.
How many hours a day do you
work." asked one of the relatives of a
government appointee. "HOuahs!" the
| young man echoed in dismay. "Gweat
Heavens, man, do you thing | divine a
stweet-car?'- Washington Star.
Shell knew her intimately for sew
eraI years and saw her in every condi-
ton of life. She was delightful-ab-
| solutely without peculiarities." An
/ other Shells it possible? what a
peculiar person she must be"-J"dge.
Don't yez be toired av that police
man yet?" said the upstairs girl to the
rook. "Yis. But | can't have any
other company" "Why?" Because
Michael saws that if OF DO he'll arrest
| i'm for contimpt of ourt.- WaSh'ng-
ton Star.
Billings got his pension YETI" Il
didn't know Billings was entitled to a
pension" "He thinks he is, anyway.
He claims to have contracted a chronic
case of that tired feeling from reading
war articles in the magazines
annapolis Journal.
~They have wonderfully fast work
men over in the states" said the re-
turned English traveller. 81 was tax
ing one day, l remember, to W. fel,
labs. when one of them jumped up ana
said he must go, as he had only i've
minutes left to make a street car
! indianapolis Journal.
Lena Lotus-"Why don't you mar
ryP Aren't you old enough" KY
ers Ide-~Oh. yes" Lena Lotus-"Or
rich enough? Rivers Ide-"l think
so" Lena Lotus-"Well, then?" Riy-
ers Ide-"I am not foolish enough"
Lena Lotus-"Oh, my! How foolish
do YOU want to be?" Puck.
"Put on some more clothes, Mandy
sbrieked the elderly aunt at the water
inc place. "folks will see you" she
added. horror struck. Aunt julia,
rcplied Amanda, as she went u
AMONG the waves with all the trustiui
;,nooo,ca of n TpXas statesman. "what