The Helena independent., 1892-07-18
IBE LIGHTNING Of WIT.
u Struck Twice In the Male Por-
tisn Of the Clemens
Family.
y Brother OF Mark Twain Turns
Out to Be q Pronounced
Genius.
4hsYs Il Not Very Much Difference Be-
tween the Humorous sayings of
III the Tive Brothers.

5sga& Il x
On par with tho old saw that lightning
never strikes twice in tho same place, say
the Chieago Tribune, 10 the statenent tha'
9enius never appears twice in the same
family. Ii this be the rule nature sus-
pended il in the case of tho family to when
Marx Twain belongs. Ths hunorist has
brother Who certainly has pronounced eie-
snsnts Of genius, and had the circumstances
& of his life been such a. to develop these
elements Samuel Clemens would have hao
10 look out pretty sharply for his lsurels'
Orion Clemens il Just ten years older than
his famous brother, but in spite OF thls the
resemblance between the two men Is stl'A-
lng. They have the same general contour
Of fsaturs, the same thick, waving na'l'
end much Of the same expression. Ana yes
thsir greatest difference is in expression.
..Orion always was the most forgettnl
bow often complained the mother. III
ssnt him after 4 pail Of water he was Just
A likely to come back and tell me he
couldn't find any a. he was to bring me
nail Of chips instead OF water" But prob
ably the wife Of this son has had quite AZ
much 20 complain Of in the way OF his ab-
observation-disclosures. We have often heard
that there il nothing like beginning mar
ried life in the right way. No doubt 1t was
70 inculcate this principle that MIR. Clemens
rive his wife tho first Taste Of his forgetful-
ness on his wedding trip. The couple were
stoppinQ at a hotel and when the time
came for them to go on in their journey the
IN ba tn
settle his bill, leaving his wife upstairs to
While in the Office the hack came for the
trayslers. Mr.. Clemens calmly jumped In
and VAS driven to the station. While
walking up and down the platform he was
aocostcd BY friend who asked after his
wife, my what?' said the man, ss much
astonished a. if he had been asked where
hi. 1s 70 es eens ,us VA. tn.
:.By the four moons of Jupiter the
bridegroom cried in sudden CONSERVATION.
II left her trying to get my new boots into
our trunk, and reckon she's at it yet"
In relating this story Mr.. Clemens says
Il is 4 great saving TO his feelings TO lower
the drop curtain at Just this point on the
domestic tragedy Of his wedding tour.
Not long since Mr.. Clemens dropped into
1 meeting of literary club of which he is
member. A continuous rain had left the
street in bad state OF mud and slop. and
minded him to turn up the legs Of his
trousers. SO he gave them good, generous
roll. and walked into the woman's parlor
where the club was entertained with bis
trousers above his shoe tops. All evening
long ha was oblivious to the fact. when just
before adjournment he caught sight Of his
feet. made q sudden dive that startled the
company, and said: my Keodnsss gra-
oious! Nv wife told me to turn my pants
down n soon n got here and l forgot all
about it. | am evidently pantheon"
The minds of the two brothers move in
similar veins of humor. Orion Clemens
was called upon in = public meeting not
long ago to give his ideas concerning the
advlsability OF building an uptown switch.
He rose slowly and said in his customary
drawi: when I. was boy Was very much
afraid of a switch, but now that am man
think one is a pretty good thing to have: "
Al ono time MIR. Clemens was clerk of the
church which he attends. Not being much
Of business man his books got into q
hopeless tangle. So he took them to the
auditor, who was also cashier of bank. tc
get the books straightened out. The ne1
time the two gentlemen met the audito
said: 'Mr. Clemens. how do you kesE
books, anyway
'Oh, that depends" replied Mr.. Glenn
ems; II keep them until the owners come
after them, and if they don't come l jus
scratch out their name on the fly leaf ant
write mine instead
.'Oh, don't mean that; mean how d.
YOU keep the church books" inquired th
auditor.
''rhe church books? Well, l put dow
everything that pay out and trust to MI
memory for everything that is paid in
And, say, Mr.. Auditor, if you ever get int
tangle over your bank books just feel per
k~
help you square up your accounts on th
same plan."
At another meeting of the literary clu1
already mentioned, at which the ice
under discussion was "Orato:y," Nj
Clemens kept his audience in convulsion
of laughter by giving them examples of tn
Oratory and orators that he had heard il
his lifetime. These examples ranged from
the impassioned utterances of the civil wa
to tho debate in the country school on Ire
solved that the broom is more useful tina
the dishrag." One example ran like thil
1.-THE red man has been pushed from pilla
TO post, from mountain to valley, from rive
TO river and lake to lake. until the Pacif
ya.ns for him." Now" continued NJ,
Clemens in that expressible Mark Twai
drawl, II can't see, nor you can't see, VIII
the Pacific should yawn for those lDdlane
! am we'll acquainted with tho Indian. an
although ! know his reputation for iaziaes
date he is not so lazy that be cannot yaw
for himself."
Mark 'Twain's brother rivals him in cor
versational powers, and at almost ever
turn. upon almost any subject. there is
CLEAN of humor that fastens his thought I
his hearers mind Just as swiftly W tn
beam of light influences an object on
sensitive plate. In speaking of Juliu
Cesar. for instance, Mr.. Clemens suddenl
classfies him as 'the worlds champio
butcher" He characterizes William th
Conqueror as being "the greatest gamble
in CORNER lots that ever struck Eugll.
SOIL" He disposes of Chicago auarchis,
in this way: Better hang those mel
Nothing discourages u man like hanging.
MIR. Clemens might make some luode
claim to being poet. He rhymes easiI
and correctly, and has verse hes that sim
accentuation i'll it that made 80 famo,
Mark Twain's literary nightmare, "PuncI
Brothers. Punch.'
Specimen Cases.