The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1892-07-15

Oogoolah- pah-na-pO-kah, late chief of
the Brule Appetite tribe, says that we
should not run down the guinea hen.
That is true, Oogoolah-pah-na-po-kah,
we should not run her down, because
we can't. Who ever saw a guinea hen
that had run down? If you wish to
be alarmed during the night you can set
your guinea on that hour and she will
awaken you. She will not run down.
We had a domestic once who had Just
arrived from Europe, and her rest had
been broken up on the steamer, she said,
by the gayety of the first cabin, and the
routs and balls which she could not get
out of very well without giving offense.
Her name was Tootie Tooterson, and
afterward learned that her rest on board
was marred by restless elephant that
occupied the stateroom next to hers, and
not by the gayety of the first cabin at
all, as she was not in touch with same.
She slept very soundly while at our
house as cook, and irritated me by neg
Letting to get up in time for breakfast.
The life of q cook is such that unless she
gets up prior to her breakfast and takes
some exercise she is almost sure to get
Justification OF the thought ganglia and
coma of the diapason.
So we got an alarm clock for her and
set it ON o'clock. 1t was one Of those
alarm clocks which fetch loose in the
early gray Of morning like misunder-
standing between xylophonic conclave
and boiler works, but Tootie Tooter-
son, tired and full of fatigue and raw
dried apples, of which she was passion
ately fond, slept on and on and on.
An actor man who went abroad for
the purpose of doing up Henry Irving
on his own ground came home on the
same steamer with Tootie. He had the
stateroom prior to or forward of the ele-
plant, while Tootie was abaft. He said
that in proportion to her size she was
every bit as seasick as the elephant was.
So he was sorry for us when he learned
that frowning Providence had selected
US for the purpose of reftting and re-
furnishing and also doing the interior
decorating of her famine works.
She was real hungry, with a tendency
toward dried apples in raw state, pre-
ferring those that had been dried on
string. Not being familiar with the
English language, she often neglected
sometimes to cut the string, and thus
Col. Gastric had his hands full. and
Tootie would moan in her sleep, and
moan and moan and moan.
But she did not wake up, even when
the hand to hand struggle with the
alarm clock came. Even the fire de-
partment and police walked up, but
Tcotie did not. She kicked out another
round from the foot of her bed and slept
on with her arm beneath her head, so
am told.
never saw any one sleep harder or
shake the SCOT down from the inside of
the chimney any more than she did.
Even after she got to putting the alarm
clock in her bed and it got to pulling
the straw out Of the mattress and scat
tering the linen over the room at 4
o'clock she slept as calmly and almost
as unruff1edly as though she had been in
the morgue.
1t was then that bought the stock of
O'clock guineas owned by poultry
show and placed them under the window
of Tootie Tooterson, the European
Slumberer.
She's in the asylum now, but they tell
me that after o'clock she is wide
awake, and people who have families
dependent on them go away from there
as soon as they can.
am sorry that she lost her mind, of
course, but ! feel worse for the person
who found it; for once when she was
cooking for US, and also taking care of
the horse, she busted my mantel, and
not understanding our language, at least
fully as to idioms, etc, she drank my
lung medicine at one time and left in its
place a similar bottle containing a rare
little lizard in alcohol which my little
daughter had arranged for her collection.
l did not notice the lizard till the bot
tie got quite low, as 1t was small lizard |
and quiet, being dead, but it has cast
over my whole life and turned |
my love for lung medicine into loathing. |
This year the guinea is amusing us
here in our North Carolina home. So |
also is a red COW whom we call Fair |
We milk her on horseback, |
cross country. She is a mountain COW |
and loves freedom. She was sired by |
Arnold Winkelried, by William Tell, |
dam Joan of Arc. never saw a COW SO |
fond of freedom and unbleached muslin |
with dew on it as she is.
Fair Rosamond holds her head high |
and will go over a nine rail fence with
cellar door tied on her horns, yet never
even knock silver off the top rail or
scratch her person.
Conversing the other day with my
friend Plum Levi, formerly of Blue
Ruin, learned that the colored man
Of the south most generally, if he
hanging offense, mostly ex-
poets to get hanged. They are muchd
like white people in that regard, and
rather pride themselves in the belief that
the Caucasian has no monopoly on
eternal punishment. One colored neigh
Dor of mine, very we'll informed man,
tells me that he has every reason to be-
ieve that since the emancipation satan
las made several changes, and among
the rest has discharged his gallery ticket
nan and put colored man in his place
IN the door
Little Prairie Flower. Waukegan, nls.,
writes that she is studying ornithology
Il lifes meridian, and wants to know
What an elk Is.
The true American elk, or Alces
.mericanus, is often confused with the
Alces Malchis, species of overgrown
eer frequenting the northern portion Of
Europe and Asia. It is also sometimes
mixed up with the Irish elk, or Mega
eros Hibernicus and 81 p q. OF f.