Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1892-05-27
Told by U. s. Grant.

sion party to this coast in 1888. III,
was the guest of a railroad president
and General U. S. Grant frequentl,
strolled into their car to enjoy a cigar
On these occasions he would frequent
ly relate some anecdote. Unlike most
stories said to be related by ex-presi
dents, the following is vouched for by
DIR. Bartlett, and even the most auda
cious would not impugn the veracity
OF Presbyterian minister:
Il remember one story that General
Grant told on that trip" said DR.
Bartlett, and / believe that the story
was in reply to an assertion that to.
bacco was killing him." He said that
a Tennessee judge was once trying a
very important case and had great
difficulty in obtaining jury. Finally
he issued subpoena for a number OF
men who lived in the mountains,
and in due time the mountaineers
were brought into court. The Judge
had determined not to excuse any
more jurymen, on any pretext what.
ever, and both the plaintiff and de,
fendant had exhausted their peremp.
tory challenges. An aged man was
examined as follows:
TEMPERANCE MAN oN THE STAND.
What is your name?'
William Wood
"Iour age?'
90 l02 years
Every one in the court room stared
at the old man, whose cheek was As
ruddy as that of school girl. The
court itself was interested and now
conducted the examination.
I" Do you smoker
"' No, thanks, judge. KANT say
that l do
80 Do you chew?
Never did, much obliged To you.
"Do you drink?
No; don't know what liquor
tastes like
There was slight pause, and then
the Judge, who was in the moralizins
mood that follows over indulgence
said severely:
Gentlemen of the bar, feel tina,
cannot let this opportunity pas,
without calling attention to the fac
that this old man is an example O
what you all might be were it not fol
pernicious habits. 1t is my duty, as ,
judge, to call your attention to tn,
fact that this bar is becoming notori
Gus for its ability to consume liquor
You see on the witness stand mar
who, but for his abstemious life, woult
have been dead twenty years ago.
INTEMPERATE MAN TEsTIFIEs.
The judge called the next witnes.
and the attorney began the examina
ton.
"' What is your name?
"' Samuel Wood
"' Younger brother OF the last wit
ness, l presume said the judge.
"Not exactly, your honor. Pm thu
oldest.
land pray tell us how old are you?
questioned his honor, slightly vexed.
"One hundred and four years DID,
"' Ever use tobacco?'
"' Hold on, now, Judge. Ichew anC
smoke more than any other man ir
Cumberland county,
Remembering the judges recen
exhortation the attorneys smilet
broadly, but the Judge intended Il
have a loophole for escape, and con
tinued:
"' Tobacco is not so inimical u
good health as liquor and of cours,
you do not drink
Well, now, judge, they do say
take little too much on public occa
sions, but l don't reckon I've dranl
mOre'n quart day for the las
eighty-five years.
"The risibilities of the attorney
could be no longer suppressed and tn,
bailiff's gavel ratified sharply before
order was restored.
"The judge was embarrassed, bu
judicially severe. He said:
"The finding of this court is thar
both these gentlemen are named
Wood, and that in this kind of Woot
it don't make much difference whether
it is wet or dry. The decision relatiy,
to stimulants and narcotics is hereb,
reversed, and the court will take re
cess for twenty minutes"