The Coconino weekly sun., 1892-01-14
DON'T Be SUSPICIOUS
One Man Who Knows He Made a
Failure as a Detective.
He Had an Interest In Keg of Beer,
and Didn't Get His share,
Hence the Discovery.

herman IucIS, StosSi"S N"'" A'N"
York and calling at an English port.
On the German liners there is {
custom which does not obtain on the
English boats As soon as the smok
ing room passengers get REASONABLE.
well acquainted with each other the,
make up q shake-purse, and a whole
barrel of beer is brought up into thu
smoking room. A tub is set down il
the center of the room and this barre
is placed on end in the tub. Then 4
silver pump is placed in the barrel
and until the beer runs out every habi'
tue of the smoking-room gets as much
as he wants.
There is generally somebody oil
board who thinks he doesn't get his
fair share and Simkins, of Cincinnati
was one of these men. He came from
a town where they make beer very
extensively, and if be subscribed to
barrel of beer he wanted to be certain
that he got his percentage of it, He
became very suspicious and limited
around that il was q wonder a barrel
of beer of that size lasted such q short
time for so few people. Then he set
himself to watch the barrel. At last
he made up his mind that in some way
the stewards were in the habit OF help
ing themselves to the beer, probably
when we had all gone to bed, or when
we were down at dinner, for dinner is
n very important function on the Ger
man steamers and takes something like
two hours to accomplish.
Simkins set himself to watch, and
missed a good number of hours sleep
in trying to catch the stewards at our
barrel of beer after the rest had gone
to bed. In that however, he was not
successful, and so he came to the con-
clusion that the beer was stolen while
we were at dinner. He resolved one
evening to miss his dinner in order, If
possible, to catch the stewards stealing
the beer, and he made the expose very
dramatically.
One of the masts of the ship comes
up through the smoking room and be-
hind it there is just room for a person
to squeeze himself in against the wall.
Here Simkins secreted himself, and he
had not long to wait. Hardly had
dinner been fairly started when one
steward after another came in with q
great tankard and began pumping out
the beer. When they left with their
full tankards Simkins followed them.
If he had not been so excited he would
have noticed that stewards who were
stealing beer would not 60 into the
brilliantly lighted saloon where dinner
was going on. But Simkins' suspi-
cions had been pooh-poohed by every
body in the smoking room so much,
and he was so anxious to prove himself
right, that his good sense on this occa-
sion seemed to forsake him, and so
when the five or six stewards walked
into the dining room Simkins marched
after them, fourishing his hands above
his head and crying:
Here, l have caught these stewards
stealing our beer, Captain, / beg to
lay information against these stewards.
saw them come up in the smoking
room, each take tankard of beer and
come down here. l give these stew
ards in charge for theft"
This was shouted in q stentorian
voice.
The ladies, who didn't know any
thing about the beer, looked simply
astonished at the cutlery. and thought
Simkins was an idiot-which indeed he
was. The men, especially the married
men, who didn't care for their wives
to know that there was whole barrel
OF black beer on tap in the smoking
room. were visibly annoyed. The rest
simply laughed. The stewards stood
there with the foaming tankards in
their hands, seemingly stupified, for
their knowledge of English was not
the very best in the world, as they
only knew that there was row on and
didn't quite understand what the
trouble was.
The captain, who was grave and
dignified German official, cast one
whitening look at Simpkins and then
resumed his conversation with Count
Won Vassenberg, who sat at his right
hand.
al demand satisfaction" shouted
Simkins, waving his hand.
One Of the men rose up in his place |
and said: "Simkins, don't make an
ass OF yourself-that Is, any more than
YOU can help, or any more than you
have done already. We have each one
ordered the beer from our steward.
1t is customary to have it sent down
every day at dinner. That's how
you've missed your share. Sit down
and have your dinner and order
tankard of beer for yourself"
Thara ,yao a ,no, 80 lo,,,L.o,, -. AZ. |