Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-01-17

scorn Of soul 1oftily born the hollow title
of pomp and vanity which so please the de-
eaying nations beyond the sea, in this
blessed paradise of equality and liberty, I
observe one very marked difference between
the free-born American who has but one
title and the other free-born American who
has none.
The f. b. A. who has none has three or
four times as many as the fellow who is en-
titled to one. That is one of the glorious
and parado1ical privileges of being son of
the Eagle. In this untitled land to him
who hath shall be given that which he hath
so long as he can hold it, and to him who
hath not shall be given half dozen.
Burdette's Search for n Title.
made this very important, if untrue, dis
covery as an astronomer discovers comet;
while I was looking for something else. 1
used to feel very lonely without title.
For long time 1 believed myself to be the
only man without one AS I had really
been in the army was not entitled to any
military title, unless could prove that
had served in the band, when would have
been called General No man, even q
Georgian-born, looking at me once and a
hall, could introduce me to his friends as
Judge" without laughing in my face.
l couldn't swear with that icy politeness
and red-hot incisiveness that would entitle
me to colonelcy, and the mysterious dis
appearance of a man who once called me
"Cap" discouraged his imitators In the
course of time became an unworthy occu-
pant of the DIAGONAL choir, but the title of
"Deacon" as a familiar and respectful
handle, does not ego" outside of New Eng
land, where is is hereditary, and I was
Pennsylvania. Hence, in my case, that
title was like an American coat of arms,
pure invention of the owner, to be changed
at will, with ne meaning or standing in the
heraldic office.
Reoonciled to Plain Mister.
In time I became resigned, and at last
blunted to my wretched condition, and
heard myself introduced to audiences and
strangers as "Mister," without blush. Oh,
once in while tramp would call me
"Boss, and he struck me for something
every time he did so. The tramp who called
me mister" got ordered off the place at
once, and he who called me "pardner" got
worse. made him stay while gave him
lecture. He never came again.
But after while it happened, just as it
always does, just as it will in your case, in
the case of any man in this Republic, people
got tired of my untitled lot long before I
did. Just as I had grown quite used to it,
in fact. People in this country walk around
on broken thrones and stand on royal necks
to make Fourth of July orations, but I'M
titled citizenship is something they will not
stand. So, when it gradually dawned on
them that I was not even entitled to be
called Reverend" only tolerably rever-
end, my friends and casual acquaintance
fitted me with titles to suit the taste of the
filter. The custom is good one in some
respects; it keeps fellow from becoming
lonely. A man calls me "Senator" and
then walk or sit in the company of states
men until another man calls me Judge"
when my mind at once takes on a judicial
tinge, and am Thoughtful, and fair and i'm
partial in my attitude toward men. Then
this charm is broken by some one calling me
Major" and straightway I am middle
aged in my face, youthful in feeling, defer
ential to field officers, trife condescend-
ing toward the line, and charmingly brusque
with civilians.
From Battlefield to Books.
Then while am getting along splendidly
in military circles man calls me "Pro-
fessor," and glide into life of study far
removed from the madding crowd, and in
the quiet companionship of books and
bookish men I am frequently SURPRISED to