The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1892-12-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

IGICil- 4-AHtl(Ooff'
A night lark is followed by the
morning STANDARDIZATION transcript.
Time heals all things; but it does
not heel pair OF boots.-Ae'0 orleans
Picayune.
News costs; you can't even get re-
port from a gun free of charge.-hI-
mira Gazette.
Woman was made after man, but
man has been after woman ever since.
-Ie1aS Sytings.
He is an artist by profession" Il
know that; but what is he oy occuPa-
| ton" Washington Star.
A man who is in society and wants
| to keep in must be continually going
| out.-YonkerS Statesman.
"You haven't the heart to refuse
him, Nell?" That is just the trouble.
Another man has that. "-Mens out
filter.
"What school Of art does Daubster
| follow? The realistic?" NO, indeed.
He's portrait painter. "--It'dtqndpol'S
Journal.
She-"Well, love is lottery" He
81 don't think so. Would a fellow
with only IS have any chance at your"
Life.
why was it that Jolliboy didn't run
well on his ticketp" The voters dis
covered that he was fast man. "-Ne'0
York Press.
aHow perfectly Hamshak plays the
| villain" said the star to the leading
lady, He is one" replied shc.-Detrot
Free Press.
Hairdresser-"Wha shade will mad
am have re hair dyed zis timer" Mrs.
Taddles Tin a whisper 1t
dark. - IttBits.
| There are some men who can't take
| home a beefsteak without believing
they are taking their wives a present.
-AtchiS0n Globe.
The sluggard is usually told to 60 to
his ant, but, with the perverslty OF hui
man nature, he usually goes to his UNI
cle.-B0StOn Gazette.
| Mrs Bridie-"How much is your in
| come, Charlie?" Mr.. Bridie-"You
ought to know; you spend it ALL my
dear. brooklyn Life.
$50 that is the family circle?" said
the unsophisticated theater-goer. Il
might have known it, there are SO few
men there" -B0St0n Transcript.
"She is very distant in her manner"
distant! Why, her disposition is so
freezing that she is constantly taking
cold from t. GrnaOuthpOrt Item.
Uncle Jerry Rusk is evidently an adj
mirer of realism. He has placed real
snow at the disposal of people who
were showed under. - Washington star.
Adorer-"May l be your pilot and
guide your bark through the stormy
sea of life?" Fair Widow-"No, dear
but YOU may be second mate. "-Br00k-
| Ign Life.
The old fool has this advantage over
the young fool: he will never be a
| Young fool. whereas the young fool
may some day be an old fool.-B0St0a
Transcript.
"Your cook seems to be in heaven
" mood tonight" "Yes, | have just
told her that her angel cake was bet
ter than the confectiOner's ."-BoStO1l
| Gazette.
Wife-"We were born on the same
day, John" Husband-"W cares
for that? We were married on the
same day, too. That's what hurts me. "
-Broobly'a Life.
Tostig -"The young have much to
be thankful for" Bertram-"Yes, and
chiefly because their parents think
there never were children like them.
| - \p3y York Hor1IT
| William Father, what becomes OF
the crows during the winter season."
Father-"I have been told they &C
South to look after the lost caws."-
Rochester Democrat.
He (about to traveD -"Do you real.
ly want me to come back soon?" She
We'll, perhaps you had betteE Yor
see, have promised not to forget you.
-hote Fields Washington.
A magazine article calls attention t
the strong sense Of propriety which
dogs possess. It doesn't mention it
but every one of them has his owr
pants.-Ptiladelphta Ledger.
You're the slcepiest-looking indi
vidual ever saw" said Dick to tn,
seedy man on the corner. Yes, ever
my coat hasn't had a nap in somt
time quoth he. Boston Post
1T is remarkable fact" observes
the philosopher, that when n Young
man and woman make bet of kisse:
on the election the result is sure TO be
close. "-IndjG1ap0liS Journal
We respectfully direct the attention
of our South American friends to the
smooth and business-like manner in
which Uncle Sam conducts his political
revolutions. Washington Post.
so YOU think Charley means tc
marry you" I'm sure of it," Did
he say SOP NO, but he asked permits
sion in future to give me only usefu
presents. "-Harper'S Weekly.
Clerk-"You can call him up on thai
telephone, if you wish to talk TO him..
Stranger-"How far is he from here?"
Clerk-"A bout ten miles" Stranger
We'll, I'd rather walk. Puck.
Mistress-"Do you callthis sponge.
cake? Why, its as hard as can be-"
New Cook-"Ies, mum; that's the way
Il sponge is before it's wet Soak it in
your tea, mum. "-NcV York Weebly.
Prince Bismarck says the American
army lacks officers. lie was never in
a " ashington bar-room when the Col.
onels and Majors We're looking at each
other over the edges of their glasses.
Mrs. De Goode-"Why arc YOU
throwing stones at the little boyo An.
swer me that, sir" Small boy (very
| good at excuses -"'Causc his folks
doesn't b'long TO our church. "-GooG
| NeICS.
Il wondah, now, where l got these
seven single cents, doncher know"
said Goslin, as he drew forth some
small change from his pocket. You
must have changed your mind" sug-
Sested Harper'S Baxar.
The Husband-"You're not econo.
mical" The Wife-"Well.i if YOU don't