Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1892-12-04

as little concern as the ordinary man, but
the result, Oh, my, how different E1-
plain2 cannot There may be just bit
of sock showing, or the arrangement OF his
shoe strings may give the effect I don't
know. I've tried everything, but cannot
get it His coat Is, OF course, the latest
style, but he fixes the lapels in such man
ner that you are led to believe that 1t is
many seasons later than the latest
In buttoning his vest, I'm sure he gets
tired, for there is always a button left open.
His collar may be q turned-down or stand
up; can't tell which; it looks like neither.
His cuffs, like his trousers, are creased, and
his links do not hang loosely like yours or
mine. As for his necktie-well, I give
that up. I've seen Rembrandt, a Rosa
Bonheur, Bouguereau, and many others,
aud, while am not an artist, yet would
rather try duplicating any one of them than
attempt q Willie's tie. I have been told
that it is a regular four-in-hsnd, but ii
can't be, for the knot is so small, and just
above the vest it spreads out like white
wings, and the spread is where the secret
lies. / am afraid that the attempt at tying
this bow will be the cause of keeping many
a soul from Heaven, for it is the most
curse-provoking thing ever tried
The Walk and the Laugh.
that it caused you to remark that: "There
is one who will find an early grave? If you
haven't then you haven't seen Willie
walk. 1t is the only work he does, and ii
be e1erted as much physical force at any
manual labor, he could get at least four
days work in in eight hours When In
motion, his head gets four or five feet in
advance of the rest of his body: his arms
hang perfectly limp and fly around in such
q manner that the widest sidewalk is toe
narrow. The shoulders, too. come in for
great play; first, one is pushed forward and
then the other And thus he shambles
along, giving you the impression that he
will reach his destination long before he
arrives A dancing COW would be good
attraction for dime museum; in the ab-
sence of that walking Willie would draw
as we'll
His laugh is about as mirthful as dear
friends funeral You tell him q joke, and
shortly after you have reached the point,
his mouth will fly open, and then from
some place in his interior be will grunt,
"Har' No swell "Ha," but forte at the
start, and the moment the sound stops,
which is very suddenly, his mouth snapi
shut, and, on the instant, he locks al
though he were not guilty.
Not Humor, but Affectation.
When I first met the Willie, l was In.
clined to think he had a most peculiar sense
of humor, but worked a little trick on
him and found it was all affectation. One
day happened in certain cate, and, sit.
ting by one of the windows was Willie
friend reading London funny paper and
drinking a B. and s. He, as was expected,
asked ME to have something. As was NOT
expected, said would, and sat down op.
posite him. Well, whether 1t was for the
sake Of getting even with me for taking q
drink, can't tell; but, at any rate, he be-
gan reading to me the jokes out of the
London funny paper, and, while I re-
mained wholly passive, he would give vent
to his horrible "HaP'
Afterhe had finished reading everything,
including advertisements, I began telling
him some OF my best American jokes, with
the effect of his remaining passive while I
roared Thinking it very strange, hit
upon the idea of telling native stupid
joke with an English accent did, and
was rewarded by hearing. him laugh. But
do not think he is alone an Anglomaniac,
for he is very great bluff and does a heap
for effect L darcsdy had l told him a
French or German joke he would have ap-
parently enjoyed it just as much, but the
test had to end where it did, for my accent
is very bad.
The Willie can converse on almost any