Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1892-11-07
JUST FOR FUN.


is to preach it three times day to his
wife.
In one respect the North Pole is like
woman's pocket. Very likely it is
there but no man could ever find it.
! How soon the millennium would come
if the good things people intended to
do to- morrow were only done to-day.
A husband should always make his
wife an allowance. Every wife you
know has to make allowances for the
husband.
Helen-I get SO tired of that young
Mr.. Ide; | seem to meet him every
evening. Ethel-Why don't you marry
him, then?
High-priced competitors disregard well
established law of physics when they buck
against Salvation Oil. 1t is the best and
cheapest. 25c.
Every man who takes part in your
procession expects in return that you
will some day blow horn in the band
in his procession.
The following self-satisfied inscrip-
ton was found in the cemetery of
small village the other day: "God
wanted an angel, so he took me.'
A quarter CT an inch difference in
the width of ones shoes may turn an
open hearted philanthropist into a
cranky and self-centered pessimist.
Jones-My wife and suffer from al
tentative insomnia. Alternative in
somnia! What is that? Which ever
gets to sleep first keeps the other
awake all night.
Neither my father nor grandfather
ever did bit of work in their lives,
boosted the visiting young man. Goshl
said Uncle Summerboard, wuz they
feeble minded too?
BUcKLEN's ARNIcA SALvE.-The Best Salve
in the world for Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers
Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, letter, Chapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all Skin Erup-
tions, and positively Piles, or no pay re-
CURED. 1t is guaranteed to give perfect sat
isfaction, or money refunded. Price % cents
per box. For Sale by II. C. Pierce.
Sinks-Boarding in the cou ntry no W,
Ohs w lICU OO you dO WlUll DOuISCll CIV
enings? Winks-Some nights l sit out
doors to keep cool, and other nights /
go to bed to keep warm.
Teacher-You have written states
man with a poSsessive case sign,-
Statesman. That is incorrect. Boy
Doesn't the state own q man? Teach
er-No, the statesman owns the state
single trial of DR.. Henry Baxters Man
drake Bitters willconvince any one troubled
with costiveness, torpid liver or any kindred
diseases of their curative properties. They
only cost 25 cents per bottle.
SIS Harlow a good mimic?'' "No.
AS Pottleton puts it, every time Har-
low begins his limitations you are inn
pressed with what Shakespeare would
term the deep damnation of his TAX
ing off,"
care you aware, said the man in the
rear fiercely, that your umbrella is
poking me in the eye?' cit isn't my
umbrella" replied the man in front,
with equal fierceness. It's borrow
ed one, sir.
After being Intellectually treated by seventeen
different doctors for Scrofula and blood dis
ease, cured by Burdock Blood Bitters.
Write him for proof
Housekeeper-No, no, no; L don't
want anything. This is the tenth
time have had to say so this morn
ing. Tramp peddler-Don't you want
ter hire me to stay here an say it fer
yer, ma'am?
She-Last night l dreamt we were
at Saratoga and stopping at one Of the
finest hotels. He Don't talk that
way. Money is so scarce now days
that we can't afford even to dream of
going to Saratoga.
Don't delay; always be on time for proven
ton is better than cure. All coughs and colds
and such affections of the throat and lungs
lead to consumption culed by DIR. Bulls
Cough Syrup.
yer cross agin' de names ye're votin'
fer. See? Micky Halligan-No, don't.
Sure. L don't have to make no cross.
l was dedicated, was, an kin write
my name wild amy wan of 'em!
Tourist-Do those scarecrows save
your crops? Farmer-They work first
rate. You see, every tramp that comes
along crosses the fields to see if the
clothes is with stealin', which they
amt an that scares the crows away.
r. A. Lindsay late of No Engine Company
Baltimore City Fire Department says, that
the members of his company have used Sal
walton Oil in of sprains and soreness
with most gratifying results. 1t is the best