davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
A SENSATION SPOILED.
And How an Attempt to Brighten the
 Druggist Failed.

And How an Attempt to Brighten th' Druggist Failed.
 A weary-looking young woman came into Second avenue drug store when . New York World reporter was wait;nz i for the shower to pass over and plain lively said to the druggist:
 "I have had another quarrel wit Mike, and I do not care to live any longerp'
 "Yes, just so, just SO" he replied, a; he briskly rubbed his hands together Anything can do for you to-day?"
 ''l think will take strychnine," she slowly replied, as she cast her eyes along the shelves.
 Exactly, ma'am; finest strychnine il New York. suppose you want about dimes worth.''
 "Would arsenic be better?" she asked. as he held the jar in his hands.
 'No better, but fully as good, ma'am I have fine lot of arsenic on hand jus now, and can warrant it full strength. Just make ham sandwich and spread on fifteen cents worth"
 "Mebbe," she drearily replied as he waited, "mebbe rough on rats would b. better?"
 ''Just as you think. ma'am. Give VI. selection from two dozen boxes. fresh stock only yesterday. It's llti slower than the other poisons, but per haps you won't mind that. Can b. sprinkled on bread and butter or tal,e in milk. One box, ma'am?"
 He took down box and held it read. to dump, and she looked around t.. store, wiped a tear out of her left ey and asked:
 "How long does it take paris green t. kill?"
 "Not long, ma'am-only a few hour Many prefer it to any other poison, a.. they want to write a farewell lettac after taking it. I can warrant l. stock is perfectly fresh and purc Should it fail to kill come right bac.l and your money will be refunded. My object is to satisfy customers. Half q pound, ma'am?"
 She wiped her nose. Then she sighed. Then she fshed out two pennies from her pocket, walked over to chewin gum machine and dropped them in, an as she stuffed two sticks of gum into her mouth she turned and said:
 'I guess won't take any to-day, bu4 if Mike comes in tell him was inquiE ing for poison
 Certainly certainly - with tn greatest of pleasure. Nothing else to day? Please call again!''
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
Anlsapnolnted Nimrod.

A San Franciscan who had been hunt ling in the vicinity of Lake Tahoe wi,.i out bagging any game. came upon mountaineer who was feeding cage wildcat he had caught tke day before ''How much will you take for tha beastP" he asked. The captor sg;. twenty dollars, and the money va paid over. ''Now," said the nimrod ''tie one end of a strong cord to tbS' tree and another to the cats meek and then open the door of the ca@e This was finally accomplished and t1 fierce animal stood straiaing aS i' tether. The sportsmaD, who Eaa> watching the exercises from toc in terior of the cabin, leveled hi5 gG= across the window sill, took ea-5 F. aim, and blazed away. Tho 7a gave joyful yell and disappcarad ia,e the forest. The bullet had cut t--, rope!
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
WHISPERS READY WIT.
One of His Humorous Sallics While fl
 Court.

One of His Humorous Sallics While in
 Court.
 More or less sportive artifce enters into the parry-and-thrust of law yers' combats in court. Fancy the drollery of man like Webster playing upon the word doctor" Harper's Magazine says:
 Daniel Webster. when in full prac- tice, was employed to defend the will of Roger Perkins, of Hopl1inton. A physician made affidavit that the testa- tor was struck with death when he signed his will.
 Webster subjected his testimony to a most thorough examination, showing, by quoting medical authorities, that 6oc- tors disagree as to the precise moment when dying man is struck with death, some affirming that it is at the com men -ement of the disease, others at it's climax, and others still affirming that we begin to die as soon as we are born. 1T should like to know" said MT. Sul- livan, the opposing counsel, ''what doc tor maintains that theory"
 'Dr. Watts," said MT. Webster, with great gravity.
 "The moment we begin to live
 We all begin to die"
 The reply convulsed the court and audience with laughter.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
A Waek,s Work.

According to the Iron and Coal Trades Journal, a statistician has call culated that weeks work in Birming- ham, Eng, comprises, among its vari- ous results, the fabrication of 14, 900, 900 pens, 6,000 bedsteads, 1000 guns, SO0,- 900, 900 cut nails, 10000 buttons, 1000 saddles, 5,000.OO0 copper or bronze coins, 20,0O0 spectacles, six tons of papier-mache wares, over eS0, 900 worth of jewelry, 4,O0o miles of iron and steel wire, ten tons of pins, five tons of half pins and hooks and eyes, 1SO,OOO gross of screws for wood work, 500 tons of nuts and screw bolts and spikes, 50 tons of wrought-iron hinges, $50 miles length of wax for vestas, 40 tons of refined metal, 40 tons of German silver, 1000 dozen of lenders, $500 bellows, 500 tons of brass aud copper wares, to say nothing of the myriad other articles. such as piano fortess cylinder castings, perambu- lators, wheels, axles, safes, locks, etc.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
IN THE LAND OF NOD.
Strange Expedient Resorted to by Suf-
 ferer from Sieeplessness.

ferer from SieepIessness.
 '1 own an empty palace in a strange country" said congressman who suf- fers from insomnia the other day to a Washington Star reporter. "When l am trying to get to sleep visit it. It is a dismal ediice, built in the form of a square and ever so many stories high, with but one entrance at the front. A corridor runs all around it within, and inside the building there is great open court upon which every room looks out. There are forty rooms on each side of each story opening on the corridor. make it my business at such times to inspect them. None of them are locked, because there is nothing to steal.
 ''I am obliged to examine all the rooms, and for this purpose I begin with No. 1 on the northwest corner and follow the numbers along. Each door l in shut it again. In this way I inspect each of the forty rooms on the west side. A brief look is sufficient, because they are all precisely alike and have no furniture in them. Then I keep on along the south side, openlng each door and shutting it in it's turn. Thus pur- sue my way around until have finished with all the eighty rooms on the first floor, arriving at the northwest corner again. At that corner is an elevator conducted by the only living being in the edifce. He is deaf and dumb.
 ''He transports me to the second floor, where I inspect all the eighty rooms in the same fashion. It is mo- notonous work. They arc all precise ly like those below-none of them is oc- cupied or has any furniture. Once in awhile I enter one of the apartments, go to the single window at the further end and look out upon the court. It is empty.
 "When I have finished the second floor the deaf and dumb man conveys me by the elevator to the third story. the fourth, the fifth and so on. The task is tiresome one. I have to keep the run of the numbers of the rooms, or else go back to the northwest corner on whatever floor I may happen to be and begin over again. There is an indef nite number of stories, so that sooner or later 1 am bound to fall asleep. In fact I can get to sleep easier at that work than in any other way, and recommend every one who suffers from insomnia to have palace like mine in the land of nod with deaf and dumb man to run the elevator"
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
TIPS AT COUNTRY HOUSES.
Why an American Hostess Frowns Upor
 the Imported Custom.

Why an American Hostess Frowns Upo, l the Imported Custom.
 l A hostess, whose influence wi.h thu | four hundred should certainly carr, weight, even outside that august body
 has set the excellent fashion of refus ing to allow any servant in her emrlaE
 to accept tips from guests, says the T. | lustrated American. She argues, wi; | great good sense, that the custom is V, i only a burden and nuisance to visitc..S
 but is an indirect imputation upon hc
 liberality as mistress. Paying ever
 domestic fair wages, she exacts th,
 they serve strangers in the house wit. impartial courtesy, and, looking for n, favors, adopt an air of uniform ant cheerful obligingness.
 It appears that this particular lady had always been opposed to the uglS English mode of remunerating maid. and men, but had succumbed to tn | popular method until an unfortunat and embarrassing episode occurred .. her own country seat. She had bee entertaining a charming girl of pos tion, whose means she knew to be lin tied. When the weeks visit was oves cordial good-bys were exchanged anl the pretty visitor was driven to tn railroad station with her luggage arG there deposited to await the next trail
 Late in the afternoon the ticket ageg from the station called and request; private interview. With profou1 astonishment did the kindly hostes learn of all her girl guest had suffered The man showed a gold bangle an, ring which she recognized as the prop erty of her friend, and explained tha after painful interview he had beer forced to take them in payment for the young lady's railway fare. He said she was nervous, and, after exchanging 6. few words on the subject of rates, burst into tears and proffered her jewelry i3 exchange for ticl9s to New York. Oi course he was amazed and insisted or trusting her for the amount, but be tween her sobs she managed to explain that the arrangement was final
 Too excited to think of discretion, she went on to say that only with diff culty had sufficient money been raise. by the family at home for this visit, an only the day before another guest ha enlightened her on the cxactions of t.; ping. As the establishment was larxe one, with six maids and four men, her little store of fifteen dollars disappeareC like mist, and unless the agent woul accept her trinkets the case was hope less. She added that in three instance the servants had openly objected to the modest extras offered, one insisting on nothing less than three dollars for services rendered. Shocked beyond measure, the indignant hostess straight ened the unfortunate affair out, hac very decisive interviews with her dc mestics in turn, and to-day she rcgar. it as direct discorrtesy to proffel money to her employees.
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
Glover Honey.

An enthusiast on the subject states that each head of clover is composed ot about sixty distinct flower tubes, and each of these contains sugar not to ex. ceed the five hundredth part of grain. The proboscis of the honey bee must therefore be inserted into five hundred clover tubes before one grain of sugar can be obtained. There are seven thousand grains in a pound, and as honey contains .three-fourths of its weight of dry sugar, each pound of clover honey would represent the in- sertion of the proboscis into two mil lion five hundred thousand clover heads,
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
4 Petrifcd Bird.

Tennessee cannot get ahead ot Georgia" remarks the Atlanta Con- stitution. ''The petrified man story has been exploded. And now Georgia boasts wonder in the form of a pet rifed bird found in the heart of tree which was blown down by storm at Gainesville. The head of the bird was perfect, every outline being very plain. How the bird got into the tree is ques- tion. There was no hollow in the tree, and it has caused considerable specu- l2tion,''
The St. Johns herald., 1892-09-01
Looks Deceive.

When a man walks diagonally and slowly across street with shoulders stopped. head bent forward, both hands in his trousers pockets and generally dejected air about his person, it is no sign that he is sick at heart, discour- aged and perhaps reckless. saw a man behaving in the manner described, says writer in the Detroit Free Press, and happened to know that clutched In either hand were legal tender notes representing over eight tn ousand dol lars net profit in business deal he Ihad just concluded and that he was feel ng fairly we'll over the transaction.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22

laughed at him. l cannot help 1t.
father, I am a coquette. It is my
nature. l want to make them love
me- love to hear them say they
love me, and then 1 laugh at them.
All! but you were right, father. You
told me should do it once too often;
have done it now. / shall never
laugh again." said Marie with a sob.
"Why not? asked Jean with a beat
ing heart.
''Why not? Because Jean has gone
to sea Oh! father, when he is out
fishing I watch the clouds all the
while; If it blows I am miserable till
he comes back; but when he is at sea,
miles and miles away, oh! what shall
I do: what shall l do? He will never
come back here, never, never; he says
so; oh, it will kill me-" and Marie
rocked herself in an agony of grief.
'sDo you love him them" asked
that wicked jean
"Love him? I am dying of love for
him. 1 cannot live without Jean.
Oh! father, / never loved any man
but Jean; he is my first love and my
last. Oh! what shall I do?" /,
What answer that rascal, Jean,
would have made to this question,
wrung from Marie's heart in the
agony of her remorse, will never
be known, for at that instant the
sacristy door opened, and simultan-
eously Jean jumped up bolted out of
the confessional almost into the old
priests arms, as he came towards 1t,
and down the aisle as fast as his legs
would carry him.
| The priest amazed at such extra
ordinary conduct pulled ASIDE the
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22
The Borrowing Habit.

A certain amiable young housewife
who presides over comfortable suite
of apartments in Harlem is convinced
that there is such a thing as being
too nelghborly. Her neighbors on the
floor above convinced her. When the
aforesaid neIghbors moved into the
building the first of last May, this
amiable housewife considerably sent
her neatly aproned domestic upstairs
to inquire if there was anything that
she could do to add to the comfort of
the new corners. Down came a
prompt request for the loan of a ham,
mer and stewpan. When the stew
pan was returned it was cracked, but
that fact did not deter "the neigh
bOrs" from asking for a bar of soap
and a few matches. The latter ar
ticle they forgot to return, but they
kept up the borrowing habit steadily,
and did not get real out-and-out re-
buff until last week, when the young
daughter of ''the Eeighbors' family
came to the amiable housewives door,
and after stating that her mother had
unexpected guests to dinner, begged
the loan Of pie for dessert "You
will have to excuse me-" said the ami
able housewife, with gentle frigidity,
81 am out of pies just now, and if I
had one I would not care to lend it. "
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22
Mustache Dye Dying Out.

"You notice the color of your mus
tachep" observed the barber interrog
atively to the New York Herald
reporter with tomato tinted firing,
on his upper lip.
eyes, I do, replied the other, a lit
tie sayagely, as if he resented the talk
as too personal. What of it?''
The barber became apologize. 50
was only going to say" he explained
mildly, "what a change has come
over the colors Of mustaches during
the last few years. Half genera
tion ago it would have been impossi
BILE to find mustache of the color OF
yours in the whole town. Men with
yellow or red-beg pardon, sir-men
with blonde mustaches invariably
dyed them black. Almost every fell
low you met had dyed mustache.
Now one rarely sees one except in the
police department, where certain ira.
ditions are retained as sacred.
''But we don't sell bottle of mus
tache dye in week now, or hair die.
either. Our customers have got tn
realize that it doesn't fool even a
blind man. You can tell 'em a block
away. I'm told that Inspector Byrnes
has issued an order prohibiting the
ward detectives from using mustache
dye on account of it being a give
away When people see man who
has been dyed they feel instinctively
that he must he a sleuthhound from
the station house.
1.-THE importations of dye from
Paris have fallen off to nothing, and
apprentices in barbering don't have
to learn the business Of applying it as
they used to- In this shop we had a
wooden ball with a nail hammered in
1T, to which we would attach some Or
binary rope tow. Then the appren-
tice would pitch in and dye it, and
when he could apply the food so that
it gave an even color and didn't stick
the hair together like so much glue
we would turn over a customer to him
to try his hand on.
another thing that isn't used so
much these days is grease. This
store consumed three pounds Of it a
day ten years ago. and we don't get
away with a solitary pound now. I
ouce calculated; that 100, 900 New
York men carried around $50 pounds
of wax in their mustacheS This was
at the rate of one ounce of wax to
forty mustacheS"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22
A Happy Country.

Within the walls of a japanese
garden dwells the all-reposing peace
of nature. The murmur Of the city's
life is shut out. Their is charm of
quaintness in the very air. All
speaks of time gone by; it is a
dream of the past, before the Japan
of telegraphs and newspapers and
steamships ever existed. The influ-
ence of kindly people shows plainly
here. OF the human tenants no
creature seems to be afraid. The lit
tie frogs resting upon the lotus leaves
scarcely shrink from my touch; the
lizards sun themselvs within easy
reach of my hand: the water snakes
glide across my shadow without fear
and a praying mantis insoIently
poses on my knee. Swallows and
sparrows not only build their nests
on my root, but even enter my rooms
without concern-one swallow has
actually built its nest in the ceiling
of the bath-room-and the weasel
purlOins fish under my very eyes
without any scruples Of conscience.
A wild uguisu perches on a cedar by
the window, and In burst of savage
sweetness challenges my Gagged pet to
q contest in song; and always
through the golden air, from the
green twilight of the mountain pines,
there purls to me the plaintive, Ca
ressing, delicious call of the yama-
bato. No European dove has such a
CRY. He who can hear. for the first
time, the voice of the yamahatO
without feeling a new sensation at
his heart little deserves to dwell in
this happy world.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22

sThe signs of an approaching STAN
pede," says a cattle man, ''are famil.
lar to every man who has been much
on the trail. First a few cattle will
begin to low, or rather to utter a sort
of roar. All through the herd single
animals will get up and begin to
move around. The others become
restless and If something is not done
to check them the whole herd will,
within a short time, be rushing head
long over the plain. The most sooth-
ing influence that can be exerted Is
the human voice, and when these
ominous mutterings are heard every
one on night watch begins to sing. It
may well be imagined that cowboy
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22
CALIFORNIA; Mysterious Cavern.

On the north side of Table Mount
ain and near its top is an opening IN
the lava that has since its early days
been known as ''the lions den." 1t
was so named from the fact that for
years it was the lair of a band of fe-
rOciOus California lions that, when
the country was largely devoted to
sheep-raising, made mighty depreda.
tiOns upon the f1Ocks and caused the
owners much annoyance and loss.
When pursued the animals would
Geek refuge in this den and no hunter
would dare to enter it. The ground
about the entrance was covered with
bones and remnants of sheep and 9th.
er animals. With the increase of
population the lions have gradually
disappeared, although as late as last
spring two of the animals were seen
to enter the cave. The Oroville Mer.
curry says no known man has ever
penetrated this cave to its fullest
deptf.. The mouth is about four or
five feet high and three feet wide and
the opening descends with sharp in
cline for about 200 feet. Further
than this it has never been explored.
Now, however, party of young men
have made arrangements to explore
it, and, il possible, penetrate to its
bottom. That it is of great depth is
certain, for one can stand at the
opening and heave great stones down
the declivity and the sound will
gradually die away in the distance.
The young men have procured several
hundred feet of rope. torches and lad.
ders and will thoroughly explore the
cavern.
What adds a peculiar interest to
the expedition and gives zest to the
explorers is the well-known fact that
in the heyday of his career as a BAN
dit Joaquin Murietta and his band of
followers made the recesses
Of Table Mountain the base of their
operations in this section. From
there they would swoop down on the
and then, laden with gold
dust retreat to the mountains.
Search as they might, the officers
could not locate them. 1t has been
by many this same cave was
where the famous outlaw secreted
himself. 1t may be, too, that deem
1own In the bowels Of the earth Joa.
luin hid the greater portion of his
lil-gotten, but nevertheless Just al
potent wealth.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22
IMPROVEMENT ON loELsARrE.

Dear Mr. DelsarteI
Since you've taught us that art
Must replace Mother Natures Injunction
And teach us anew
What we really should do
With our various physical functions,
We beg you will add
To the lessons we've had
About walking and breathing and posing,
Other hints that will make
All our doings partake
OF o 81 ace more perfection disclosing.
We'd be taught, If you please,
How to gracefully sneeze,
How to snore Ia q metrical manner,
How to get out of bed,
How to drop when we tread
On the cuticle Of q banana;
How to smell, how to wink,
How to chew, how to drink,
How sublimely to shake an ash sitter;
How to step on tack,
How to get in hack,
How to toy with heated stove-lifter
How to hiccough with ease,
How to groan. how to wheeZe,
How to sooth q night bowling relation;
In short, how to mend
The mistakes that our friend
Dame Nature made in our creation.
Boston Courier.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-10-22
No Waste of Steam.

British papers state that an en-
gineer living in Glasgow has lately
completed, after nineteen years. ex-
perimenting, device for steam en-
gines by which all steam is returned
back to the boiler after doing its work
in the cylinders In several cases, it
is said: he has installed his engine
and it IS at work with extraordinary
results In one case, in textile
factory: the engine with his device is
doing as much work with one ton of
coal as it formerly did with ten tons.
The problem of how to make use of
the vast amount Of steam everywhere
blown of into the air after doing Ger
tain work has long occupied en-
gineers, and its thorough solution
would be worth many millions of dol
lars, in many ways.