Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1892-08-25
SciSsorcd Smiles.

Scissorcd Smiles.
A 50-CENT piece, my son, with
hole in it will not pass current, which
shows that the half is better than
the hole.-Boston Transcript
LADY-"I wish to get birthday
present for my husband" Clerk
"How long married." Lady-"Ten
years." Clerk-"Bargain counter, to
the right. New York Weekly.
"I'M going to get hair cut this
afternoon" you'd better get sew
eral." Several hair cuts?" mo; sew
eral hairs cut. Puck.
"DEAR FATHER: We are well and
happy. The baby has grown ever so
much, and has great deal more sense
than he used to have. Hoping the
same of you, I remain your daughter,
Molly. Texas Shiftings.
JACK-What are you feeling so blue
about? Toni got into the habit of
kissing Imogen whenever she got
angry at me- Jack-Yes? Tom-And
now her temper is completely ruined.
New York Herald.
Mr.. SMITH Ito Mrs. Parveuu, who
has been telling him about her new
house)-I suppose you will have
dumb walters in the house? Mrs. 2.
No, l shan't. I had deaf cook
once, and | vowed then never to have
another crippled servant.-Brooklyn
Life.
FARMERS boy-There's going to be
a minstrel show in PinktOwn next
week. Can / Old Hayseed-Gee
Whitaker! 1t amt been a month
sence you went to the top O. tn hill
to see the eclipse of tn moon. D'yuh
wanter always be on tn go?-Good
News.
WATTS usually manage to swal
low most of these newspaper stories,
but when they tell of an Indian in
New Mexico digging his way out of
jail with two toothpicks, | weaken"
Potts-"I guess you never saw. a New
Mexico toothpick." - Indianapolis
Journal.
THREE different walters at South
ern hotel asked a little, prim, precise
Harvard professional at dinner, in
quick succession, if he would have
soup. A little annoyed, he said to
the last waiter who asked: "ls it
compulsory?" "No, sah," answered
our friend and brother, "no, sab, l
think it am mock-turtle."
HARD AND EASY LIVES. Little
girl-My papa has to get up awful
early, so as to get to the office and
see if his clerks is there attendin' to
business. Little boy-My papa don't
have to. He's one of the clerks. =
Good News.
COUNTRY BOOKSELLER Ito miner
who has previously invested in die
tionary)-"Oh, you must look among
the SIS for scissors, not the U.s."
well, how's Oh to know? Wot's t.
good of dictionary without him
dex?"-Tid Bits.
The story is told of an eminent
divine and his bright boy that is not
devoid of instructiyeness. The father
had a way of saying to his son when
leaving home: Remember whose boy
you are" The lad one day turned
the tables by calling out to his father:
"Good-by, papa; remember whose
father you are. > New York EX-
aminer.
LADY Ito servant)-Matilda, have
you watered the flowers? Matilda
Snowball-Yes mum. l done watered
'em moren two weeks ago. Texas
Siftings.
Miss MCLEAN Tourist from BOSTON,
-"It's strange that the Sphinx keeps
silent in the face Of the remarks of
these vulgar people," Mr.. Bacon
ditto, from Chicago)-"It wouldn't,
I reckon, if it didn't have lots o.
sand Smith. Gray & Co.'S Monthly.
II TELL you," he said disconsolate-
ly, women are altogether too bust
ness-like nowadays" whats the
natter" II proposed to the heiress
yesterday" "Did she accept you?"
mo: she took out her notebook, wrote
my name and address in it and said
she would consider my application. y
Washington Star.
Mr.. VAN AsToR Settling his hotel
bill at Barboransett Pier)-"I say,
landlord, don't object generally to
bills, but some of these items are out
rageous. What's that So for on the
1Oth?" The Landlord with dignity
you forget, sir, that on that day
we had your valise moved at your re-
quest from one side of your room to
the other. Chicago News Record.
WHATS all this dust on those
wheels that were left in the carriage
house last night?" the Bridgeport
man asked of his hired girl, who held
the lamp for him while he unhar-
messed the horse. aSure, sir, it's the
insect POWDER Insect thunder!
What's that for?" And didn't the
man who brought them say as they
were the ould buggy wheels that were
to be kept here awhile? And was
that afeard the bugs would be gittin'
L L Ia