The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1892-09-21
scissored Smiles.

ScissOred Smiles.
A FLY is best off when he lights on
a sticky paper. -Glens Falls Repub-
lican.
"DoEs your new dress fit YOU well,
Clara?" "Oh, splendidly! l can
hardly move or breath in it."-New
York Press.
SHE can sympathize with you.
/ was married once myself. He-But
you weren't married to woman. -
Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. DEMONSTRATING is only
lottery anyhow. Mr.. Enpik-Hardly.
A man does get prize sometimes in
lottery. Detroit Free Press.
BUNKER-How much did your visit
to Cincinnati cost you? Hill
visited a friend, and / can't tell yet
until he comes on to visit me.-Puck.
"ARE you in favor of monopoly?"
asked the stranger. yes" replied
the young man, "where your best girl
is concerned l am. - New York
Herald.
"DoEs man have to be a Christian
to get through college nowadays"
Not at all, but he must be mus
Gle man, without doubt. Boston
Courier.
COBwIGGER-"Br Brown doesn't talk
any more about the big fish he brings
home" Merritt-"His wife has
bought pair Of kitchen scales. -
New York Sun.
LOvELL-This marrying rich wife
is Of no use. Markham-Why not?
LOvell-Because even after she's fast
asleep you can't find her pocket
New York Herald.
Mrs. MINKs-Why didn't you get
a divorce, dear? Mrs. Winkins Sadly
I found / wouldn't be able to get
alimony enough to support another
husband.-New York Weekly.
ETHEL-I'm as hungry as a big,
big lion. Mamma-Well, what do
you think a hungry big, big lion
would like to eat? Ethel Goyfully)-
Fruit-cake. -Harper's Young People.
Mrs. JAsoN-Jehiel what is an
agnostic? Mr. Jason-W'y, it is a
feller that don't believe in neither
doctors nor preachers as long as he is
in good health. indianapolis Jour-
nal
Mr.. TROOMER-Where on earth is
my new silk hat? I've looked every
where for it. His Bride (sweetly)-
You said you wanted it ironed, dear,
so | sent it out to the laundry
Truth.
THE great problem about matri-
mony," said the Benedict of recent
date, lis finding satisfactory place
to live. Marriage is not only lot
tery-it is house-and-lottery.-
Washington Star.
DON'T you think Mr.. Twiddles is
very absent-minded?" said young
woman. NO" replied Miss Pepper
ton. HE displays admirable caution.
What little he has he always brings
with him. Washington Star.
He had struck match on his boot
heel, and his wife remarked: You
are as spry as cat, aren't you?" "DO
you think so?" he returned in
pleased tone. "Yes. You light on
your feet, you know. Washington
Star.
SHE-"Well, if l can't live on my
income, and you can't live on yours,
where would be the advantage in our
marrying?" He (thoughtfullO =
well, by putting our incomes to-
gcther one of us would be able to live,
at an rate. Life.
GERTIE-Papa, will our new NAM
ma go mad after awhile? Father
What a question:! Why do you ask
such a thing? Gertie-Well, l heard
her tell the cook yesterday that she
got badly bitten when she married
you.-Katc Fields Washington.
JUDGE (to prisoner)-You are
charged with having seriously in
jured your wife by inclOsing her in
folding bed. What have you to say
for yourself? Prisoner-Your Honor,
l wished to see if it was possible to
shut her up-Detrot Free Press.
WooL-The alien contract-labor
law is getting to be dead letter.
Van Pelt-How so? Wool-Why,
Look at the wealthy widows who have
imported husbands this season. Van
Pelt-That's all right; they don't
come over here to work. Brooklyn
Life.
MoTHER-I see the iceman has
brought great lump this time. Did
you tell him ! said that if he didn't
stop giving short weight I'd have
him arrested? Little Dick-No'm;
j told him you said he was the hand
soonest iceman that ever came here
Good News.
Mrs. FRIENDLY-"Whlt did your
husband say to you TO make you feel
so bad?" Mrs. Newlywed-"I told
him that he hadn't been to church
since we were married, and he-boo-
hoo-said, NO wonder-a-a-burn
child breads the fire'-boo-hoo. =
Texas Siftings.
WOMAN is a noble word; it is much.
better than "lady." Walter Scott
knew better than to write, "Oh, lady,