The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1892-01-08
WITH A MAGIC PEN.


| Amy vacancies on this raperfn
| This was the question propounded by the
long, lean. loose jointed man who casually
dropped in. walked about the room, Look
ing at the maps, calendars and other things
hat hung on the wall. and finally sat down
On the edge Of chair,
What kind of vacanciesr
"Any kind, he rejoiried. ''that gives a
fellow y chance TO climb up--something in
HE writing department"
"You win have TO see the managing
sditor.n
"IIe isn't in. thought you might
know"
This is the wrong room for you to strike.
But hold onl You ask II there are vacan-
lies. How many could you NIP"
Most OF 'em, reckon. Say, I'd like to
show you what can do. Give me some
paper"
A pad Of copy paper" was laid before
him.
In the course Of ten or fifteen minutes ho
produced the following, which he said was
DOT necessarily for publication, but as .
sample Of what he could do:
HOTEL DESPAIR, St. Louis, December.--w When
struck this caravansary this evening rcgis-
tered from Chicago. did this 70 impress ON
the mind OF the gentleman who keeps the tav-
srn tho conviction that resided (as we say in
Boston) whore they know how to keep hotels
and was not man to be imposed on and kicked
about like common traveller.
Tho tavern keeper looked MT my name and ad-
arcss. Thcn he looked at me and sent mo TO .
spare, thin and tired looking room on the top
door. There was water pitcher, but no water.
said TO tho gcntlemanly aid-de-camp who had
accompanied me and cheered me on the way
up the stairs that ! would DO obliged Il he
would turn on some water. He said he would
and faded slowly down the stairway.
Then sat down In the cleaning and waited
for that water. A cleaning In u small room ON
the top floor OF n St. Louis hotel Is the gloam-
INCEST thing 10 sit down In ever experienced
would give worlds II could blot II from my
memory.
waited half m hour for that water. Then
went down 10 the office and told the clerk
wanted II sent up right away. He promised to
attend TO the matter and went up to my room
again. waited another half hour and thon
climbed down the stairs again and told tho
clerk that II he did not send that water up In
Ave minutes would hunt some other palatial
Inn. said was not going 10 speak OF tho
matter again and he raight consider this my
ultimntum
Then he said in a commanding voice that
was heard all over the hotel:
Front, take some kind Of water up to the
gentleman's room. Thunder and lightning.
can't you sec he's from Chicagol''
Though high up and somewhat exclusive as
to location, my room is not lonely one.
l have been visited this evening by twenty
seven separate and distinct rats, or twenty
seven separate and distinct times by the Same
rat. II It was one he all looked alike
have always wished could have been ON
hand when my old friend Noah took tho AMI
mails into tho ark.
should have used every honorable means to
persuade him not to let any kind Of rat or any
relative Of the rat family come on board. I
should have said;
Noah, II you knew as much about rats MS /
do you wouldn't take one OF them on this she
bang for double first class passage rates paid
In advance You'd keep every ono Of them or
Il you had to hire a mate from Mississippi
river steamboat to stand Mt tho gangway with
club and swear at them. You want to start
on this excursion with tho good will Of the
workingmen, don't you, Noah2 Then don't lot
this be a rat ark"
But Noah has been dead these thousands Of
years, and here ! am, still lingering ON the
shores Of timo, lone, detected pilgrim with
spoctacles and q hollow cough.
You can't tell any thing about mans chances
for the kingdom OF glory, however, by listen
ing TO his cough A cough Is one Of the most
deceptive things on earth. have known many
attend the funerals OF healthy looking but poor
relations, ono after another, who had been
waiting with fond, lingering yearning for
forty years to see that hollow cough get In its
work on him.
There is nothing more unutterably sad than
TO see q rich man with hollow cough at the
funeral of poor relative that has died Of pre-
mature old age and yearning.
II could turn out that kind Of literature
all day." said the strange visitor "You
never saw me In the act of initiating the
editor Of the Atchison Globe grinding out
philosophy. I'll show you how do it,"
Then he assumed q severely cynical ex-
preston and wrote what follows:
When q man begins to feel old he simply
doesn't tell his age. When woman begins 70
feel old she merely lies about It.
The man who never makes a coniidant Of
anybody Is the only man whom you should
mako your conhdant.
II tho women Of this country were to be sud-
denly afflicted with stiff necks SO they couldn't
turn their heads when they passed each other
ON the streets, all the dry goods merchants
from Portland to Galveston would 20 into
bankruptcy in less than six weeks.
An Atchison young woman who's threatened
with lockjaw has asked her friends TO pray
that the visitation may be averted. Her friends
are In q quandary.
The dog Is mans faithful friend because
there is a good deal Of the dog in most men.
Here Is about the style in which the
young man who writes history for the New
York Weekly goes to work"
With these words he went to work again.
with this result:
Mrs. De Style (anxiously)- Doctor, do you
think dear little Fido Is quite we'll?
Fashionable Doctor tcoldly)-I am not q dog
doctor. madam, but | am unable to see that
anything ails the animal
Mrs. De Style doyfully)-Then. doctor, will
you please go and look at the children? Tho
nurse says they don't seem to be very well this
And this is about the style of the In
Journal Watch me"
After an effort of some minutes he turned
out this
Yabsley-- Wickwire. don't suppose you
know the Dickerdykcs, at the other end of the
avenue. They are very swell and exclusive.
I've got an invitation TO attend grand party
there next Thursday night, but don't know
whether to go or not hate to waste the
time.
Wickwire- Better go. Yabsley. II were iii
your place wouldn't miss any chance to get
into good society.
And call that a pretty good one" he