The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1892-10-21

beard and retiring and bashful disposi
ton. He probably, on account of thi.
latter intirmity, had remained bachelor
though arrived at years Of decrction.
Mr.. Brandon was genius in his way
and natural mechanic. He had invented
number of useful articles the most no
table of which were the Juvenile Re
versatile Trousers, the Corpulents Com
panlon and the Automatic Vcntilatino
Hat.
The Juvenile Reversible Trousers wer,
intended to c4ualizo the wear aud tcaI
Of this necessary article of BOYS ap
parcl, but were not pronounced sue
cess. The principal reason for the fail,
urc of this invention arose from the fac.
that they being alike in front aud rear.
the juvenile individual who donne
them never knew in which direction h,
was going.
The Cornulents Comnanion. which
Consisted OF device by which a stou
man could turn up the bottom of hi.
trouser legs without having to stoop t,
perform this duty, was likewise n failure
For though everything worked wei
when the weather called for the turniun
up operation, no arrangements had been
made for turning them down again
Inc consequence was that ,
han endowed with alder.
manic proportions had to bcud his adj
pose anatomy to au uncomfortable angle
when he was desirous of having his pan
falcons resume their proper position, anc
thus, like the Juvenile Reversible
Trousers, the Corpuent's Companion die
not meet with unqualified success.
mo o"lt is a long lane that has no turn
'uS, anu ai.eI nauy months or marc
work, deep thought and perscvering in.
dustry, the Automatic Ventilatine Hat
an invention over which John Brandon
rad consumed many gallons of miduigh,
on, was introduced to public notice, anG
became the rage. 1t was advertised in
tciligcntiy and John Brandon became
famous. The Automatic Hat had ,
number OF miniature metallic tubes in
serted between the hat and the lipinr
the air entering at one end of the tube
ana alter circulating freely through then
round egIess at the other end, thus th,
head OF the man who was fortunat,
enough to procure one of these celebrate,
mats, was sure to be cool and comfort.
able.
DIR. Brandons business now increased
70 such an extent that he invested in 9
typeWrlting machine and advertised for :;
$tenographer.
The tirs; applicant for the situation was
a Miss Moore, but she did not hold the
position long. A short trial of her skill.
irovcd her unittness for il. John hire.
&er in the morning and DISCHARGED he,
me same evening. Miss Moore's
streneth, like Samson's, lay in her hair
she wore bangs otherwise she was az
ordinary every day kind of girl. The
Lightning rapidity win which she took
down Johns notes fairly staggered that
Gentleman, he being a novice at dictation
But, alas she could not rcad her notes
when she attempted to do so the Empr,
State Express speed with which she haC
taken them down now slowed down t,
the favorite gait Of a Fifth avenue stage
and the poor girl in her despair tore he
bangs out by the handful wher trying tc
remember what she had written, and tn,
place which once knew Miss Moore
knew her no more.
Miss Amelia Thickly, Miss Mcore's
successor, was rather short 10 stature,
bat what she lacked in that respect she
more than made up for in width, in fac
she was nearly as broad aa she was long
AS stenographer Miss Thickly gave Mr.
Brandon perfect satisfaction, but sh
vas terribly hard on the office Chairs
the manner in which they c.eaked aut
@rcaned under her weight made Joan s
rervous that he grew thin, and his typ
writer continued to gain in flesh, a
though trying to make up for what h'
lost in avoirdupois. FIVE chairs hat
bccCmc total wrecks under the strail
brought 10 bear on them, and whel
the sixth, the sole survivor o