The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1892-06-03
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-Bart-''If you had hundred-dollar
bill what would you get first?" Burt
''Get it changed"
He "a poet" Poets are born. not
made" She-"Don't say that. You
will encourage matrimony."-Drake's
Magazine.
-Teacher-"What is the proper time
to gather apples?" Pupil-'When the
big dog isn't in the orchard. "-Fliegende
Batter.
Il wonder why there is a rule
against children in so many fats|'
probably because there isn't room for
them to grow. wallpapers Bazaar.
-Grace-''George told me last night
that he loved me to distraction" Ethel
Yes, l have always heard that in
sanity was hereditary in his family,
poor fellow. Harvard Lampoon.
Another Adage Disproved. Bloom
bumper-''Well, fool for luck!" Mrs.
Bloombumper-'I don't know about
that. You never seem to be specially
lucky detroit Free Press.
SO you went to sing in the choirr'
yes" what part?" well, | went
in as first bass. but they changed it to
short stop when they heard my voice"
Washington Star.
-tandlady (Just after breakfast)-
you are looking pale, sir. Has some
thing you have eaten made you ill?'
Boarder-"No, it's something that 1
didn't eat that's done t"-Pharmera.
"A Vigorous Spealxer.-''I don't need
to praise my butter" said the dealer.
ut speaks for itself" YES" assented
the customer, lit uses strong language,
too."-Detroit Free Press.
81 guess the sand mans come" said
Mrs. Hinkley, as the baby began rub
bling his eyes. Il think so" said Mr..
Hinkley Il find his bill on the table
here. We must economize on groceries,
Maria. "-Harper's Bazaar.
brand has become great boaster
since he got religion" Indeed? What
does he boast about? The happiness he
has found?" mo, about what great
rascal he used to be. IN. Y. Press.
81 tell YOU" said the business man,
that son of mine is no fool" What
makes you think sop asked the
young mans uncle. Because fools
rush in where angels fear to tread
and Augustus hasn't energy enough to
rush anywhere. Washington Star.
Never a Carriage.-"It cannot be
difficult for you to guess what brings
me here" began the young man who
was trying to propose. 1T is a street
car" she answered, 'when walking is
poor. Journal.
Country Landlady q hope the
guinea-hens won't annoy you. City peo-
pie generally object to their noise" Mr..
Erbees-"Don't mention it, Mrs. Green;
I'm used to such things; my neighbors
in the city are nearly all musical
Boston Transcript.
Well Preserved - Cleverton-"Yo
wouldn't think had had that dress
suit eight years, would your" Dash
away-''O, don't know, old man. You
don't have occasion to wear 1t very
often. "-Clothier and Furnisher.
AT the Girls High School Profess
sor-'I told you, young ladies, in our
last lesson, that mans brain is larger
than a woman's To what conclusion
does that lead you, Fraulein Bertha?"
Bertha-"That in the matter of brains
it does not depend on the quantity but
on the quality. "-Fliegende Batter.
Coming to an Understanding. -
Spokesman (of church trustees)-"We'd
like to have you remain with us another
year, Brother Stedman, but the congre-
cation is poor. We can't afford to pay a
salary of more than $500 year" The
Rev. Mr.. Stedman-"And the customary
donation visit, | suppose?' well. no.
We hardly feel that we can afford a
donation visit this year" with alac-
rity) I'm take it, brethrenw-Chicago
Tribune.