Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-06-10
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
The man who dyes his hair has learned
the secret of keeping things dark.
Laugh aud the world laughs with
you," or wants to know what you are
grinning at.
An athletic record is the only thing
that improves by breaking. bingham.
ton Republican.
Don't talk about youreelf in company
it can be done much more satisfactorily
after you have left.
Life may be a stage, but is more like
courthouse from the fact that it is full of
trials.--Elmira Gazette.
Philanthropy now demands the culture
of a species of shad that shall be bone.
less.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
A man who sells clocks cannot be
blamed for being occasionally behind the
tines. Washington Star.
"That's an angel of houser' said she.
"Not quite" he replied. at only has
one wing" ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Briggsc"Do you think that Robinson
loves herr" Griggs-"He went shop.
ping with her. Cloak Review.
81 guess that must be Watchdog"
remarked Tommy, "for his tail begins
to tick whenever you speak to him"
Judge.
A petrifed ham has been found in an
Indiana field. This is the first supply Of
material for Worlds Fair sandwiches.--
Oil City Derrick.
Manager-"I'll engage you for trial
season." Actor-"Before accept Ill ask
you for a trial advance of salary
Fliegende Blaetter.
"Oh, yes, ours is hard business"
said the dressmaker. ''It's snip and
tuck with us all the si-.c, you know
Harvard Lampoon.
1t is curious how much faster street
car humps along when you are running
after it than when you are riding on it.
Richmond Recorder.
A Bath truckmau, who owns two
horses, has named one McGiuty and the
other Annie Rooney, both being chest.
nuts.-New York Sun.
A girl of sixteen walks as if she owned
the earth, and after she has been mar
lied few years she walks as If she were
carrying it on her shoulders. s.-Atchison
Globe.
$50 that young heiress has promised
to marry youa" "Yes, 10 three years. :"
"Is'nt that long while to waltz" at
may be, but she's worth her wait in
gold. Washington Star.
The old. old story before marriage has
three words in it: ~ love you." The
old, old story after marriage has the
same number, to wit: "Wanted "a
cook. New York Mercury.
Wife-"Here's something new and
nice-an advertisement of "a folding
baby carriage" Husband (absently)-
"That is novelty. But never saw
folding baby."-Pittsburg Bulletin.
Prudent Mother-'I trust, my dear,
that you do not encourage young men in
their attentions" Daughter-"Oh,d dear
me- no. threaten to tell you every
time any one Of them kisses me."-New
York Sun.
Mrs. Pancake (wcarily)-"lt's as true
as gospel-woman's work is never
done" Mr.. Skye Parlor-"Aheml !
Judging from the beefsteak, ma am,
should say that II Is sometimes too much
done. "-Harpers Bazar.
~ observe, James," said the Boston
employer, "that you say 'eether' aud
'neether'. Are you not aware that such
is not our pronunciation OF those worisf"
at doesn't seem to me-, replied the boy
from New York, despondently, "that
you ought to expect me TO say .eyether'
and 'nyther' on salary OF sixteen dol
lars month. Chicago Tribune.
Quester you call Dr. Rsnter q
man who. as preacher, Is eninently
fitted To his calling" Jester-nWeli,a as
10 that, he reveals elements OF fitness and
unhtness. Quester explain
your meaning" Jester-s'Why, as a
pulpit orator he Is failure; but judging
from the number Of people | observe
no iding Ia his church during discourse
| should assume him to be great com.
poser. Boston Courier.
waggle e-"Yes, i,s ali up with me
and Miss sseellelgh, She got mifted
about something OF other aud sent back
all my letters" Wigsie-"fhat was
bad" waggls--"I thought 30 Zoe
awhile, but u was blessing In disguise.
I've got another girl nos, and vhen
sTiie just cops Que oi my old letters 10
A'ss hssetlelgh. Iust a. good - q new
ane, yon kaos, and u is such = saving
oa the brain tissues. 81 hoslon Tran.
script,
A clergyman Ia Minneapolis sas laie.
" called upoa 20 oficlate II very tash,
ioaahle wedding. After ths service sss
psIioImei lhe happy gFoem called hin
- one eide asd asksd ss.hai hls charge.
seni = fbe mlalslsE replied that h
Aas aal IA lke habit u mskleg ehasge.
"Neil, Fspllesi lhe groom. ~ slll eall
snd see sou later, The happy esaaszs
called lbs asst seek saa presented shs