Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1892-09-16

scissorsd Smiles.
A CYCLONE is all that Is necessary
to raise a barn in the West. howell
Courier. n m
AN argument results from the col
lision of two trains of thought
Washington star.
THE first doctor Of divinity is
understood TO have been Q. Fiddls,
d. Boston Transcript.
DoN'r speak lightly Of the gradli-
ate; he knows a great deal thatse9
haze forgotten. -Elmira Gazette.
WOMEN jump at conclusions and
generally hit. Men reason things
sut logically and generally miss it.
TIE coat-tail Irritation Is, tho
latest A wrinkled coat-tail bearing
the mark means, Il have spoken 70
her father"
Why is a young man courting 4 girl
like a suicide? Because he's her fel-
low, der see? The point Of this
Joke has bcen brought o long dis
tance, and is tired.
COUNTRY CIuLD (who secs no nov
city in parS)-"W What is all the grass
for?" City Child THAT'S 10 keep
of of."-Gogd News.
CARBY, what s. the shortest way to
get to Oxford strect?e The cabman,
pointing 70 his vehicle, "'fhere it IS,
sir. lid Bits
A HUNDRED times narc trouble is
cnIsed by men wAo can SCI work
than by the man who wants worS
but can't get it.
JAGsoN says it IS strange notoly
ever finds out what the wild waves
are saying, although ever SO many so
to sea.-Elmira Gazette.
You are not in the swim at Topeka
unless you arc asked to carry greasy
doughnuts to at least two surprise
parties a week.-Atchison Globe. "a.
THE Hon. Eclat Jones (orator OF
the day)-Feller citizens, it has been
said dat [ writes my oratiOns. | de-
nouuce de 'cuSation asifalse aud Sian
derous. Feller citizens, | kain't
write.-Harper's Bazaar H
FIRST SEASIDE GIRrr-Thorc's
great man-eating shark down on the
beach, dead. What do you SUPPOSE
killed him? Second Seaside Giff1
Starvation, probably, il he was a
man-eating shark Life. -
LITTLE SAD1E-Oh, Uncle Harry
Miss Bgowa and Mr.. swift are in tho
parlor aud She has her head on his
shoulder Uncle Harry-That's all
right She has lien on him. Kate
Fields Washington,
UNCLE TREETor-I've got an
achin' old snag I've been waitin six
weeks ter git jcrlcl cut Dr. Brown
eyes VIII you take, gas? Unclc
Treetop-I hant much used ter gas.
Can't ye use kerosene?-Judgc.
WIEN you sec a countcrfeie COIN
on the sidewalk, always pick it up
You are liable TO arrest if YOU try ta
pass it,.
ONE can't judge OF the averago
boys intellect by the little Evidence
of "mind' he gives when smother
speaks to him. Philadelphia Times.
BoY-Is this instrument called =
fiddle or a violin? Professor -Whca
l blay it it's a violih; when you blay
1t it's fiddle. --Street' s. Smiths
Good News. ss, s J;
"WouLD you like some garden
hose?" said the Clerk IN Tic general
supply store sNp, thaDksT was the
answer; IL ginrally goes in bare
footed to do my weedin'. w ashing-
ton Star.
MAUD, run over 10 Mrs. DO
Swelle's and tell her her chimney u
on fire. y a can't papa. This Ii
Wednesday, and Mrs. De Swellu'i
day is Thursday. III 30 tomorrow" I"
-Harper's Bazar.
THEATER- R-GoER--The love scene in
your play isn't half so natural as il
used to be last season. The same
people do it, too. Manager es;
but the lovers were married a few
months ago.-Tid-Bits g
HIRAM DALY-Mrs. Grant imports
all her servants. Eiddlcs Kipr-
Doesn't that infringe tic Law?
/ Hiram DalyI don't know. she
4 probably thinks they should come in
free as raw materials, Puck
@MERcY", exclaimed Mrs, Home
spun, when she read in the paper
that Jay Gould made 10 cents every
time the clock licked should
think he'd be worried to death for
fear the clock would run down -Bos-
] ION Yranscript