The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1892-06-23
A WEATHER PROPHET

DtleNe UldJ III an dULnOf ueSlreS TO pic
ture living persons he should look through
the large end of the opera glass and should
present the individuals as he thus sees
them, far off in the dim distance, or else
should place them in some remote land on
the other side of the Tropic Of Capricorn,
or elsewhere. Holding such views, l would
say;
Well, the country was called Lornland.
II was bounded on the west by the Pacific
ocean, on the east by the Sea Of Fogs, on
the north by the Polar gulf and on the
south by Aniceland.
Now It happened that both in Lornland
and Aniceland wind and tempests and
hurricanes had confirmed habit of flying
around and tearing things to pieces in an
ungoverned and ungovernable manner, and
the heavens would on the most unpropi
tious occasions open and drop moisture as
unpleasantly upon the just as on the un-
just.
Now the inhabitants Of Loruland were
not very numerous and were not very rich
but the people who dwelt in Aniceland
were many and wealthy 1t followed Of
course that the Anicelanders had n gov
ernment which provided them with all
the luxuries of good government They
were soundly and roundly taxed They
paid at high rates for their gas, and their
water, and their boulevards, and their
streets, and they employed many and ex-
pensive officials, but they received very
large quantities of government for their
money.
1t happened that there lived in Anice.
land a very wise and astute philosopher
This professor had noticed that, though
the wind generally blew where it listed
and even through doors which other peo
pie had listed, that, if you placed man at
the extreme western border Of the coun.
try, and that man happened to wake up in
the middle Of the night and happened to
catch the wind skipping eastward at tol.
erably lively pace, that man could tele-
graph to the Anicelanders to reef all sails
and stand by for a squall.
Having discovered this very important
freak of nature and art, this professor laid
the matter before Telemachus II, who
then ruled over Aniceland. That wise DO
tentate appointed the professor chief con.
troller Of the weather, and gave him many
henchmen to scatter through the land.
Every morning the professor sent to the
daily papers of Aniceland a statement Of
what the weather would be for that day
Those statements the papers published un.
der the title, probabilities, and the pro.
fessor was very promptly designated as
Professor Probabilities
The Anicelanders were delighted. Nc
longer were they compelled to squint up at
the heavens and wonder what the clouds
intended to do. An Anicelander, as he
buttered his last muffin, glanced at the
fourth column of the middle page of his
daily paper, and having read what was
there printed, turned to his wife and re.
marked:
MY dear, get me my umbrella and ga
loshes," or, my dear, get me my light
overcoat and cane" to suit the weather
which Professor Probabilities had pro-
vided.
To be sure, it sometimes % happened
that the professor made mistake, and the
Anicelander who, trusting to "Probabili-
ties" went out with a cane came home
with drenching. Still the Anicelanders
were aware that this would be miserable
world if everything was perfect and there
was nothing to swear at, and so they went
on trusting to the predictions Of Professor
Probabilities.
Now the Lornlanders watched with an
i'll concealed envy this new arrangement of
the Anicelanders. The Lornlanders were
not rich enough to indulge in similar
luxury, but Of course they hankered after
something of the sort. For a long, long
time, however, they absolutely failed to
find anything which could supply the place
of Professor Probabilities at price within
their means.
1t is well settled that there is never an
occasion without a man for it. In this
that rule was carried out finally and a
man appeared among the Lornlanders who
proposed to predict for them the weather
without money and without price.
The Lornlanders welcomed the new
conner with delight, and called him the
Prophet. He foretold their weather and
they trusted him implicitly. The truth is
that in Lornland it SHOWS and freezes dur,
ing all the winter, and the sun generally
shines in summer, so that the Prophet was
compelled to furnish a very limited sup,
ply of weather.
The Prophet carefully concealed his
method of determining what kind OF
weather would prevail, but it was plain tc
every one that he obtained some of his in,
formation by studying the stars, for he
was repeatedly observed gazing at the
heavens through a telescope. Unfortu
nately for him, Immediately after his elec
tion by the Lornlanders to the position OF
weather prophet, there was some interest
ing event which made the planet Venus
the subject of persistent telescope observa
tion. The Prophet gazed so often and sc
particularly at Venus that he became ex
cited. The result was that the Prophet
fell in love with and married a charming
little woman whose information in regard
10 the weather was just extensive enough
10 induce her to come in out Of the rain.
The Prophet would sometimes sigh wheI
he remembered how profoundly ignorant
the goddess he adored was concerning hi:
favorite amusement. Still, there is wise
provision of nature which prevents even 9
weather prophet from marrying a baron
eter, and so, one day, having prepared suf
ficent weather to last the Lornlanders fol
week, he married the damsel he had Sc
lected to help him keep his house in order
Just before his marriage the Prophet
had grown ambitious, and not satisfied
with looking after the weather of the
Lornlanders he had attempted TO furnish
the neighboring country, Aniceland, with
variety of weather. Having determined
TO take a short wedding tour in Aniceland
he arranged supply of weather for the
journey.
The prophet and his wife went at once Il
YamsterdGrH, The chief city OF Aniceland
on the bridal tour. Now, that city is fur
nished with many charming spots which
delight the eyes of women; shady hooks
wherein are hung unlimited bonnets; quie
retreats, wherein are spread gauzes anC
silks and satins and a thousand othel
choice and attractive articles. Hardly haC
they refreshed the inner man and woman