New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1892-10-16
MRS. LUMLEY.
HOW ORLANDO ROUTED HER.


Mrs Stomper one day she said that "p'raps they
was benefactors, but that she never seen folks
but what meant TO I've that kind Of thing more II
,Nesimus n 'Ncsimus's wife did.
"If they benefited, it mighty unlntcn-
tional on their part.
"Tewbissurc" asserted Harriet Lumley nod
ding her head in confirmation of Mrs Stompers
remarks.
harriet was out of the almshouse for season,
and was spending some time with Mrs Stomper'
who was very distant cousin. In fact she had
been visiting there good while. and had asserted
several times that "she hadn't no intention of
COIN back tew the poortouse agin."
Possibly this decision of hers was one reason
vhy she so markedly agreed with everything her
hostess said Her Difference, and her painful
eagerness to think everything she guessed that
Mira Stomper thought, almost seemed as if they
might sometimes be a trife cloying AS shrewd
Reuben Stomrer, the husband, said:
Anybody but Sarah'd ben clyed with that
hck.spittle long ago. But somehow Sarah could
ssvelfcr any amount of that kinder thing"
II was probably from the emphasis with which
thssa words were spoken that Mrs. Stompcr did
not Hnd pleasure in witnessing the swallering"
q this constant flattery
Harriet Lumlev was shrcwd in her way, too.
She confded to a sister resident Of the poorhouse
thst her Cousin Sarah cheese Jest suited her. n
she guessed she should make quite a stop with
her. ANY way size, Harriet Lumley. want Goin'
back ter no poOrhouse that put merlasses IN
dounhnuts. "a had sage cheese s often's they did
there"
She was in the habit Of speaking Of " the town"
as II il were double headed hyena which went
about gobblpg up the substance Of the poor for
whom It provided.
She had feather bed chair or two, and a
large pewter porringer which were stored some
where. She was continually proclaiming that
"she was goin' ter give away them things, n the
town shouldn't have um. The town had nough of
poor folkss things; :hey shouldn't git hers"
Certainly one woull have said that the town
was around nights," like the above mentioned
hyena, or like burglar Mrs Lumley frequently
displayed the key Of the place where the feather
bed and the porringer were locked up and she
would triumphantly declare that shed git the
better OF the town." as no doubt she had al
feady done.
This lady had heen widow three times; at
each interval of bereavement she had been, tech
nically speaking on the town"
The ordinary feminine judgment could not I'M
derstand why three men, at different stages In
HArriet1e hfe should have wished 10 share that
life with her. But the feminine mind is fire.
quently at fault in such CAFES. In this instance
It could only see that she that was Harriet Bis
bee" was tall. and that she had good deal OF
very fabby- looking flesh; that she was swarthy
to an fndianlike degree, and had light blue
eyes very near together. at The period OF our
Acquaintance sho had long since lost all her
teeth, but had acquired the power Of quickly
rasticating large quantities of food with her
gums. If there was anything table that
quit yon1 and hat
agreeable to the family TO have eaten and out
of the way" then Mrs Lumley found that on
account of having lost her teeth she couldn't
DO nothin' with that kind of vIctuals. She
always chose the middle OF tle loaf. the upper
side Of biscuit, the inside piece of meat, the
meaIiest potato-all because she lad nc teeth
But let any delicacy that was Of nature to be
crusty when at its best he pit on the table and
YOU would be astonished at the power Of Harriet
Lumleys gums.
Fred Stompcr a grandson OF the Stompers.
did not scruple to say that old Lnmey could
crack pig-nut with her jaws" All the world
knows there is nothing in New-England so hard as
pig-nut.
Harriet explained that her teeth had crumbled
away very early; it was so with all the Bsbees.
As nearly as we could gather, she had become
toothless before the death Of her first husband,
Of the two succeeding consorts TO save money
enough to buy Harriet some "sets" OF the den
fist. SETS is what she always said when re-
ferrng to artificial teeth, whether from certain
s.nse of refinement or from, some other cause we
did not know.
This ambition of her different husbands was
often mentioned by her, and usually cited as a
uroof of her attractions and their devotion 10
the same.
It seemed sad that this devoted struggle 20
save a sum for such worthy purpose should
never meet with fruition. When Harriet spent
the day with us she related all the particulars
concerning this phase in the lives of her husbands
She said "they was all good, likely men. and
she mourned for um all" 1t was popularity
worthy TO be noted that the two first had amassed
a sufficient sum for sets" for Harriet, ana that
then they had beer inconsiderate enough TO die,
and the money was used by the WIDOW TO pay 'he
funeral expenses, after which she had gone " on
J the town." as there had been no more property
II almost seemed that, though these partners
of Harriet might have been likely" they could
hardly have been "scrabbing" or they would not
havo died so poor.
I suppose il must have been because was only
a woman and could not see from the clearer mas
calline point of view that my strongest iecih2
when listening 10 Mrs. Lumleys discourse was a
feeling Of thankfulne>s OH behalf Of those nus
bands. They must be so glad TO be dead ra'her
than alive and with her. If had been spirit
uaIist would long ago have Summoned up their
snooks and made them tip table over in 'esti-
mony TO their present superior happiness
II came to pass that, after Mrs. Lumlcy had
been at Mrs S.ompcr's for nearly three months
she began 10 call frequently upon ms, and to al
miro us in every way. We were the splendides'
housekeepers even if some lks"-shaklng hei
head mvsteriously-" did say we wasn't Ana
she had never ct no sugar cookies that anywhere
near eaualed ours She kept coming. and she
praised everything connected with us. We were
.l.~,od Va SAID if we could ONLY get some