The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1892-06-08
FATHERS AS BUGBEARS.
Poor Methods PraCtiCed BY
Weak Mothers in Bring
ing Up Children.
HOW TO CONQUER AND CONTROL THEM,
Delights and Miseries Of the Chill
dren's Hour-Practical Hints
and Remedies.


Don't make father a bugbear to the
children, by threats of what do when
he gets home"
These words in Womdnkind caused
me to reflect recently, aud to think over
cases where, to a greater or less extent.
papa was n bugbear. As this Is n women's
column, to interest aud help her. she
must not feel hurt If. at times we think
she fails, and l believe not a few OF the
fair sex will realize that. unconsciously
perhaps, many mothers do make papas
bugbears and tyrants to their children.
In bringing up children. a conscienti-
Gus mother, with judgment and strength
of character, will always have, more or
less, to combat, especially should tn ey
lave inherited any of these sterling
qualities. And n mother must learn,
that even with baby, she must win all
sures her she is right. Once she loses her
stand. the child. .unconsciousiy per-
haps TO both, gains a stronger
foothold on the ladder of opposition.
On the other hand, when a mother Is
clearly wrong and refuses to acknowl-
cuG0 GulSJ sue SuDWS uSl5ciL "Coh ahN
loses respect from her child. Just as.
when a child asks one of the million
questions natural to childhood's thoughts,
but unansweraDle by maJurer minus, 1t
Is never wise to give a haphazard mean
ingless reply. 1t is a hundred times bet
ter to confess ignorance Than to give an
unsatisfactory answer. The child will
keep the question in its mind n learn
somehow the right solution of the prob
lem.
FIGHTING H BATTLE ALONE.
No successful teacher in Il school ever
asks the principal to subdue her class, be
they ever so refractory. She feels, and
justly, that to 10 so she loses in the eyes
of the principal and in those of the
schol RS. This is the mothers position
exactly. If she feels too weak to control
or punish a child she gives him the pleas
ant feeling all day that when papa
comes home he will settle him. III spite
of all ilial love, what u bugbear that
father becomes. ANY right-minded boy
would rather have a good spanking then
and there thar to have his faults re-
hearsed before tired papa and be pun
ished at second hand. He cannot ex-
plain it. perhaps hts mother may be right.
but she has proved weak and unable to
control him.
But, you say, perhaps the mother is
delicate and really unable to punish the
child. / contend hat most boys and girls
have hearts, and II properly brought up
and by appealing to their sense OF right,
they can generally be brought to submis-
sion very quickly. Never make u culprit
seem utterly lost; rather seem surprised
that such Il person az he is would have
lone such a deed. Call u little nan a
gentleman and he becomes proud
and takes upon himself the responsible
ties and acts of a gentleman. Let chill
dren realize that Justice is given them at
all times, and they will be more ready to
confess when they themselves are in the
wrong. And ii they have learned to do
this act gracefully, they have learned
something of which they may always well
be proud.
know a mother who has four children
who, when they are fractions. quiets them
with u look. She con seem 50 hurt and
surprised that they f ,rget th-ir quarrels
in their effort to please her. But they
know she is loving, though firm. One
day. her eldest, Il boy of eight, had been
naughty; corporal punishment she had
threatened for the misdeed, and she felt
she must keep her word. / came sud-
denly upon her while she was alone, nerv-
ing herself to whip the bow. She was not
very strong inc she dreaded it, but she
won the battle and the boys respect.
THE "BUGBEAR's'' SIDE.
Now let us look to the fathers sida.
He comes home tired, pc haps oppressed d.
with business cares. Throughout the
evening meal he is told that Frank has
been disobedient, that George has been so
noisy. They must be punished. He has
not been on the scene of battle. He can
not hear both sides. but he is told to pitch
in and punish them all around. With.
probably. a feeling of meanness. he
tackles the boys and sends them OF to
bed. Thus he begins his evenings rest.
He cannot help feeling oppressed, and
perhaps an unexplainable. unconscious
feeling against his wife spoils their EVEN
ing together.
In direct contrast to this, / know a fam
lily where the father makes 1t q point
never to carry his business worries into
his home life; his wife, on the other hand.
never entertains him with the cooks
whims. the nurses crankiness or tn e
children's failings. They have a chill
drep's hour and 1t is delightful. Papa's
coming home is heralded by no promises
of punishment for petty faults. Mamma
sees to that herself. aud papa's hour is
bright and joyous.
/ wonder does it ever occur to mothers
how much harm they do In making
fathers bugbears to the children. They
kill the bond between them, make the
children timid about consulting their
parents. II hide the fathers light, just
rs Mrs. Doery in Donovan" hid the
light of the Divine Father from the poor
lad by her threats of His punishment.
No love, no pity, she promised aim. Only
punishment. Was 1t any wonder that
the light was hidden from him?