The National tribune., 1892-06-16

gathered round a lawyer, whom an exasperated
client had just knocked down. "Oh," said the
client, 81 have merely been laying down the
| law"
Beggar-sir, am starving
Crgsus-Here, take this penny, and tell me
how you became so miserably poor.
Beggar-Ah. sir, was like you; was too
| fond of giving away large SUMS of money to
| the poor.
A gentleman in Yorkshire one day took his
| little boy ont for walk, but the boy, for some
cause or other, got lost, and meeting police
| man, tearfuliy asked: PLEASE, master, have
you seen man without little boy? Cause,
| if you have, Pm that little boy"
An old Highlander, rather fond of his glass,
| was ordered by his doctor during a tenn porary
aiIment not to take more than one ounce of
spirits in the day. The old man was little
dubious about the amount, and asked his boy
| who was attending school, how much an ounce
was. "An ounce-16 drams one ounce" "Six-
teen drams" exclaimed the delighted High
lander. Cav! no. so bad. Run and tell
Donal Mactavsh and Big Duncan TO come
doom the NIGHT"
Two worthy curriers' were in a wagonet on
their way to engage In a friendly match with
neighboring club. Robbie one of the party
WAS putting away vigorously at his cutty pipe
whom his neighbor, Allster, said to him.
Robbie, man, ye're film my cen wi ashes"
Robbie made no reply for little while, and
then spoke. " / am deem moo, Allister; III put
her in ma pooch" "Ye medina fash yerseP
moo. Robbie" replied Allister, my cen are fu'
already"
Scene-Regimental transport stables Of one
of our Highland regiments when stationed at
Cairo during the time of cholera. A Pioneer
Corporal was putting an empty coffin on trans
port gun carriage to take out of town to bury
a comrade, when out came pin from the axle
tree of the carriage, throwing coffin and Cor
poral to the ground. Eccentric Old Colonel
MIGHTY me, Maclean, anybody in that box ?"
Maclean-" No, sir; it is empty" E. o. Colo
nell" Gracious, it wid haze been a. the same
whether there were or no, for they would have
been killed"
In certain town not far from Motherwell
two old farmers met on a market day. They
were speaking about their crops, when one of
them was heard to remark: MAN, Tammss,
fat-like is your corn? Mine is mo- the HEIGHT
o that" (holding up his staff about foot above
the ground). Tammas-"Od, man, ys hae
reason to be thankful. The very craws hae to
gang doom on their knees to get pick at
mine"
In a border village sweep one morning had
to clean some chimneys at the msnse. On his
way homo he met the minister, when the
following conversation ensued: Minister
well, John, how much have you earned this
mornng?" John" Four and sixpence, SIR"
Mini5ter-"I must say you earn your money
very easily" John" Yes, we black-coated
gentlemen do, sir.
The other morning little Andrew, who has
seen three Summers, was going to get bath,
and his sister was going to get one also.
Andrew was not very fond of the water, SO he
began to cry-"No me first, Ma, and dinns
wash me in that big tub" Mother-"What
would I wash you in?" After thinking for
moment he shouted out with great glee-" Oh,
wash me in saucer, ma"
One day tipsy Hielan' man entered fsh-
shop and asked for "a pund o. red herrin'."
Never having tasted them before he inquired
how to cook them, and the fshmonger assured
him that "a sicht O the fire wad dae them"
While crossing moor on his way home he
caught sight of a tinkler's fire, and feeling very
hungry he took herring out of his pocket
and held it up "that it MIGHT get guild sicht
OF" The herring falling out of his hand,
however, he began to grope for it in the dark,
and picked up live frog. Ramming il in his
mouth, he exclaimed, kick here or kick
there, you've seen the fire, an doom ye maun
gang!"
The agent for company on tour arrived in
town rather late one Saturday night last Winter
and called on an old billposter to turn out and
give him q good show for Sunday. 1t being
very dark, the old man posted one Of the bills
upside down on board round corner from a
public-h house. The agent had a walk round on
Sunday to see the bills, and coming upon the
one that was upside down. he thought he would
have rise out of the old man, who was .
stanch T. T.
Agent-You made mistake last night.
John-I never make any mistakes.
Agent-But you have posted one of my bills
upside down.
John-Whers?
Agent-Round the corner from the public
house.
John-Is that a. ye ken about billpostins?
A'body that comes room that corner reads the
bills upside down, and If l put them up the
right way they would be standing on their
heads.