davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26

tired of London life, and will have No
more of its ways. No doubt he viii Al
better work in the country.
NJ. Floquet, Presideu< of the French
Chamber Of Deputies, recently did :
sensible thing A comic song beinS
given in a burlesque at one of the ths'
alters contained reference to his "a.
cent confession that he used the an.
cyclopedia in preparing some Of bi,
speeches. The lines containing tIis
reference, says the London Iele5rqp5
were carefully cut out by the censors
But when NJ. Floquet heard Of it he in.
sisted on their being reinstated.
A well-known French journalist NJ
Hagues lie RouX, being told that bee
-~.i you'd make 10 francs day in tba
Champs Elysees districts, resolved IA
try it. Dressing himself for the nart
he began his test, going from house IN
house. The wife Of physician gave
him francs. A countess. who re-.
ceiyed him as if he were somebody's
gave him 10 francs, directing him To
call again. In a very short time be
made a sum equal to 20 francs. At
the house at which he received ID
francs the concierge claimed a com.
mission on his good luck.
Zerah Colburn was the most gifted
mathematician ever known. When
only years old he raised the number
s successfully to the sixteenth power
and in naming the result, which con.
sisted Of fifteen figures, he was right
in every one On being asked The
square root of l66,929, he answered
327 before the old grey-haired philoso.
pher questioner had time to put it
down. He was next asked how many
minutes there were in forty EIGHT
years, and instantly replied %, 22S, SD,
and five. seconds later gave the aston
tonished sayants the exact number
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
TAD" LINCOLN.
The Ola Comedians "Reminiscences Of
That Fatal Night la Washington.

III -,..,....., ,a,,,.l;,-
q w, ''i' GUY " ''.' - ,sli
.',.''.il Il, 49, t.;Z,l, M H.
10 q sl''J'' 49, H.; .'it,',I Io 'i Nv.
.oe, g I'"Ju0 IN -. i" IN Nh oo' ~ ,l,J
' a.. " ~ o,''' ~ - ~,
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AZ Nv, ',m ~, ,,,,,ia, W non,bi-
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"" 49, I.f,,, s,'a ,e,t ', -, ta
'. '.l''''z w .,@,l, ;,,lii,7 80
100, -, MN, ,hor.,,,,. ar,nnI no
',..,,.,, 49,. ,,,,r,act,,I Win
sag anu s.gll one lo ,n E , HloI
"o, t''it -, ~ i 4. r,f.saJ ON
"'i'' ",,' ~ 'o',,,.'l'N 81, Nv -,
,,t.'i''- = ~ e., a.. - ,,f,i,t,,ro
1870 " tL, WIZ, WIZ ~ lis Nth cor
- In a,1;,ia,, ~ 49, stocl, sots NJ
rev slu'u g''ly.ou % INV s'o0N '''' 0'
~, ",'.' ip 5;l 80. .,.,. g., a.,
l"y ,s'''N,' ~ t t,g' ~ ~ 5r,r,,
NoI'1-o 'N0 "ul w. w ~ -,
4,.t;,,.I g., tnN ,F Iy,}4rb tar lows than
,leSl'le,, 10 YEN Va 81 l-",,, "'y ia. S',''
J U3gN 'oI 1'e '',u0''1isi ~ m,pS , ~ ,,U
Wou'" i''.No o'eil 'esg"y upo3u 81 ta
s,aAe- 9uo'ieSS ''l Nv eoliiL,, ~
llla' N1S 9l's Ge'iSn' ~ ,'''' Wy So H.
h'Si'I eaNo w." (" -. . VI, IN .lio
RANKS OF genuine ne"' '-""o- VI IA" 10y
atty. .-,...,--...
mere was a scene ia our pulles4Ue
where properly oal.o9h niue an a., a.
cehsion' ana lno comic ~ ,'lly.-,'.'J
own character, got caught 2ly'o ,...
ally N TINS balloon ana carried i'.. ing
tue mes suu'tuif ucSoH'' ie0s0'0u
aud falling or tumolng he4Viou7 upon
the stage 80 you see 'nthIeue come
dams were not originated al our
Casino,
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
IL liz Wei.

Yes,it is well! The evening shadows lcngthen;
Home 5 golden gate shines on cur rayished
And though the tender ties we try to
Break one BY one-at evening time It's light.
The spirit tainted oft beneath its loads
No sunshine came from skies ali gray and
dreary,
And Yet our feet were bound 10 tread that
road.
IT'S well that not again our hearts shall SILVER
Beneath old sOrrOws once so hard % bear;
That not again beside dcaths dfrksOme river
Shall we deplOre the good the loved, tho fair.
No more, with tears wrought from deep inner
anguish.
Shall we bewail the dear hopes crushed and
No more need VIC in doubt or fear to Ianguish,
So far the day IS past, the journey done.
As yoyagcrs, by fierce winds heat and broken,
Come into port beneath the C9lmcr sky;
30 we, still hearing on our br0Ws the token
OF tempest past, draw b. orr haven nigh.
As sweeter air comes from Che shores immor-
tai
Inviting homeward at The days decline.
Almost We sec whore from the open portal
Fair forms stand reckoning with their forms
divine.
IT'S well The earth with all her myriad
Has lost the power our senses 81 cnthral,
We hear above the tumut and the noises
Soft tones Of music, like an angels call.
Tis well, 0 friendsl We should not turn-re-
tracing
The long, vain years nor call our lost youth
Gladly with spirits braced. the future fncing.
We leave behind the dusty, footworn track.
Chambers Journal
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
Called His RIum.

Two lassies from the Salvation army
strolled rather than marched up Broad
way the other night, carrying their
bundles of the Var cry, asking every
one they passed to buy, says the N. Y.
Morning AdUcrtjSer. The theater per-
formauces were just over and the
streets thronged. Many were the re-
buffs received, but they took it in good
part and responded with cordial
MAY the Lord bless youl" At last the
twain approached a crowd in front OF
q cafe near the BJou theater. Haven't
any change said a stout, red-faced
sport whose features are always to be
seen on the Rialto "All I've gotis
so bill" "Lord bless you. sir, we can
change it, said the meek little wO-
man i'm the poke bonnet. All right
here you are ] owe you quarter, eh?'
The soldier-girl handed over a paper
and reached down in her somber dress
for her purse. The purse was a great
bag She slowly counted out nine
silver dollars, a dozen half dollars, and
then quarters, dimes, nic6els, and PEN
MES without end. The red-faced sport
was so handicapped with coin when
she gave him the change that he c0ulo
hardly move. May the Lord bless
you sir' said the demLre woman as
she moved away. But there was
twinkle in her eye and q culver around
the mouth that made the crowd laugh
heartily. The Salvation army girl had
called the sports bluff.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
..where Are Our wives?"

An afflicted husband in New York
has called 4 meeting Of his gentleman
friends to consider the subject Of "gad-
ding wives" where Are Our Wiyes?7
was tho subject under consideration,
and the composite answer was as fol-
lows "Iu the streets, at teas, lunch
cons. dinners, i'm the shops, travelling
abroad OF away for an outing, at
browning clubs, faith-cJre seances,
w0man's rights meetings, lben re-
unions, Meredith mornings, Blayatsky
circles. INDECENT female rescues, arriv-
m1 emigrauts' shelters, mothers meet
iugs church socia5es, Bulgarian ba-
zaars anywhere, everywhere, except
at home. After mourufulv discuss
ING the situation and discovering no
remedy In sight the unhappy henedicts
cook drink Fill around and adjourned
in q body 10 the club,
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
AGAINST The LAMP POSI-.
This Man Missed His Engagement, but
Couldn't BE Fooled.

Couldn't BE Fooled.
A man with his hat cooked on the
back of his head and the top button of
his overcoat buttoned in the middle
buttonhole of his under coat was
backed up against lamp post on the
corner of an uptown street, writes Ed
Mott in the N. Y. Sum- He was feel
ing of his chin in an uncertain sort of
way as another man came walking
briskly along and was passing him.
M frien," said the man against the
lamp post, Strengthening up a little,
"C'ny' femme your hic your earl?
min't?"
Certainly" replied the person adj
dressed. what do you want with itp"
Look ere, m frien'," said the man
against the lamp post, "Liss uzz' side
street., orz't us side s'reet?"
"Why, it's this side of the street, of
course" replied the other.
"Sanks7 said the man against the
lamp post. Swat | say! Caf-hie-
calico me on s'ree's N York, nofli
know'tl Izove' there on opp's cor
Street few mi'ssgo n says t p'licem'n:
"'Whezz num- two hu'r'd'n ff'sev'np
"Plicemn saws, Uzz' side street,
"Sanks YER mush? saw TO p'licem'n.
nj come owe here. Come owe here
NJ uossipk'n 'bopt IL M now'm Law
hid-lav'n f the pIicem'p1
eWbv what's tho matter2s asked
the other man.
aW'assnoo'rPn said tbo man ooaipst
the lamp post. "Priccm'n saws mum
two buyr,d'n frsev'n's ON M, SIDE
Street. NJ tai'sso' Num- two bu,r'n
frsov,n's ON Mss side Street, Caf-foo'me
on s'ree's N York, by loop
The other man la1ohcd and was
abont III mass on when r6a man ooo;ns.
the Iamp most STONED him grain59
aN'frfen'.n he said ~'li.s f'nigbt or
las, niohtpu
aW6y It's to-nipht Of courselr re-
plied The other man lnoling a little
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
COT AHEAD OF THE BARBER.
1t Took Breath, but the scheme Worked
Like Charm.

Detroit has barber who-if talking
never existed would have invented it,
and still he is an excellent barber with
a good patronage. Since last Tuesday
evening, however, he has been wear
ing countenance Of gloom and disap-
pOintment, and some of his friends
think he is contemplating suicide.
At z O'Clock of the evening mem
toned man evidently from Chicago
came in, says the Free Press, and re-
moving his external integuments took
a chair.
SHAVE, sir?" inquired the barber,
getting his implements ready.
Certainly" responded the customer
fixing himself comfortably. 81 haven't
been shaved for three days owing to
the fact that several days ago, in re-
Spouse to an invitation from man
whom | know only slightly, having
met him but once or twice during his
trips to Chicago on business in which
we were both interested, | went over
here into back county Of Canada
about fifty miles from any railroad
station, in a section of country where
there weren't any raZors except those
the hogs wore on their backs, and
haven't been able to slide my chin
against anything sharper than Cana
dian zephyr % degrees below the ice
notch, and the consequence has been
that have had growth of bristles
that / think If my wife should run her
face against on my return to my native
village would give her such shock
that she wouldn't let me come near
her again for the next six months, or
at least until had promised her faith
fully that ! would never let myself get
into such a condition again, even i /
went to the Wilds of Africa, where |
suppose a mans whiskers, in the lux
uriant climate of that latitude, would
grow TO such a thicket of hirsute stub
biness that there wouldn't be any way
of cutting them, unless he imported 0
double-strength reaper and mower
with REINFORCED knives in order that
there might not be any mistakes in
the accomplishment of the Job for
which it had never been designed, but
for which, thanks to the excellence OF
American manufactures, it would read
lily adapt itself in an emergency of this
kind, provided it were in the hands Of
a competent and efficient person who
knew exactly its capabilities and was
conversant with the proper methods
of its application to-You amt
through, are you? ! don't want any
shampoo, haircut, or anything else.
How much? Fifteen cents? Here's
your money
And slappAg on his coat and hat he
bounced out without giving the bar
Der chance to say a single word.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
DlsREPUTABLE BOB.
Irregular In Habits He Yet Has Touches
of True Genius


He came staggering down the base
ment stairs yesterday at headquarters,
the most disreputable, blear-eyed,
drunken Bob that you could possibly
see, says the n. Y. Herald. He did
not stagger far, but came tumbling
down heels over head and tried to
sneak out Of sight under the office
desk. He had been on a spree since
Christmas, and Mr.. Hastings did not
know what to do with such a case 1t
seemed well nigh a hopeless one.
However, he gave Bob a good cutting
and the latter curled up on the floor
and tried to sleep it of. u don't
know what to do with him, said Hast
ings in despair ave mind to send
him up to White Plains and pump him
full OF bichloride of gold. He seems
utterly beyond the reach of moral
suasion."
Bob Hastings is the hardest drinker
in Mulberry street. His character and
habits are well known to the authori-
ties there, from Supt Murray and In
spector Byrnes down to the doormen
and clerks. They ought to be, for
these gentlemen have seen him stag
gering about in front Of the marble
building many's the time. they all
know what q superb intellect ne has
and depiore the appetite which is pull
ing him down into the gutter, and
which must inevitably land him in the
potter's field or in some equally hope
less place. There is not a cat
Oh yes, Bob is a cat-the big, bob
eos SC J. .tty., 10 &,
line John l.. Sullivan Of his quarter of
the town. Like John L. the original
and other creatures endowed with
genius, he has his little weaknesses,
and beer is chief among them. When
ever the alcoholic mania seizes upon
Bob he will saunter down TO the sa-
loon at the corner of Houston street
and proceed to liquidate like any other
blood" Although he is far from 10
years of age, he does not find any diff
ficuity in getting served, and the way
he viii rush the growler sometimes is
a caution and an example. Often he
win stay away from home for am en-
tire week, and when he does return
the marks upon him show that he has
been INDUCING in his penchant for
fighting to a disastrous degree. He
win tackle anything up to a brindle
bull pup, and do not know that he
was ever really beaten.
Once in a while Bob will 90 a-hunt-
ing. lie will catch some hapless mouse
or rat, and will proceed to have fun
with it, boxing, its ears and cutting it
about TO his own intense amusement,
if not that Of his prey, At last, when
he has grown tired of playing with it.
Bob viii Kin it with single blow.
But DO you suppose that Bob viii con-
descend TO eat it? Not much! Bob is
"A high liver. He likes pate de foies
gras and trutlles and porterhouse
steaks with mushrooms. He does not
care for plcbeiau rats and mice, But
Bob is good-hearted under his rough
exterior After killing the rat or
mouse he win 90 around the corner
and look up some tramp eat who is not
smart enough to catch mice himself
and a moment later You will see that
tramp cat sneaking around to tud and
carry off the carcass to make tramp
cats holiday.
Ii itwero not for Bob's disease of
drink he would be quite an ornament
to society ] wonder il anything can
bee done for him.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
AT CROSS PURPOSES.

Ically.
"Exquisite!" echoed Mrs. Clever,
standing on tiptoe, to peep over her
husbands shoulder
"Whos the artistp" said Mr.. Clever
putting up his eyeglasses.
"Donnayetti, Of Rome" responded
some one who CHANGED TO be nearer the
sight-linc than he himself was.
"And what is the subject" demand
cd Mr. Clever, who, being business
man. was not quite posted in poetic
lore. "A lady divinity"
"Ophelia" interposed Mrs. Clever,
briskly.
"Oh" said her husband, "from Shak-
speareP King Lear amt itP"
"IIamletw corrected Mrs. Clever.
"Oh, yes Hamlet" nodded her hus-
band. Il knew it must be in some Of
those comedies"
It's a tragedyW
whats the difTcrence2 It's all one
in the end. But really that pictures
something different from the common
l wonder if | could get the artist to
paint one for me like it?"
Hardly" said connoisseur, who
was standing near
81 don't mind expense" asserted Mr..
Clever loftily (Which wasn't strictly
true, for he did
yes, hut unfortunately Donnavetti,
OF Rome, died twonty-odd years ago"
Mr.. Clever's cOuntenonce fell.
ooh" said he, II was rather struck
boy the picture that's all"
$50 was |, said Mrs Clever; "such
a sweet face and the shadows on the
water so pertectl And only look at
tho blue-Aags and rushes along the
shore"
~ think there are one or two en-
cravings of It, yet oXtant," remarked
Mr. Poulette, the connoisseur. And
a steel-engraying is next best to an oil
painting, YOU know"
ANY chromos?" said Mr.. Clever,
pricking up his ears.
"Cmomus2" scorufullv echoed old
Roulette, "Of DounaNctti, of Romeo"
"Horridw chimed in Mrs Clever.
"Why, cot q chrome yesterday with
trial pound of tea that ! bought q
mere red-aud-ycllow daub. Nobody
toicrates chrom9s nowadays"
So Mr. and Mr. Clever went home
from Mediocre Millions pitture-gallery
olth'u YOU "'vN 10 Nut p""'I, 'o n'lp
ai'n& some limplnS chailly ON ar'lsuc
thoughts intent
never saw Mr. Clever so interest
ea ~ picture, pondered the lady
~ VI surprise hlm with one ol those cu-
Cravings tor our anniversary present
If itcan be obtained. Although Ididn't
really fancy it,"
Maria was perfectly fascinated with
that surawliug woman i'm the wotrr
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
Injured His Cause,

The story is told Of a certain temper
ance lecturer who throw upon his
screen the mjcro-orgauisms in a drop
of water Then ON the slide he placed
minute portion ST whisky instantly
ii put quietus on all that Swarming
life. About 10 make his point voice
from the rear shouted sI'll never
take another drink OF water without 8
drop Of whisky in it..
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1892-03-26
cats and Dogs.

The instructive fear which cats have
Of dogs is illustrated very amusingly
BY strokiug d dog ana then caressinga
blind aud newborn kitten with the
same hand that has touched the dog.
a once the kitten viii spit and Huf It
s. 1T mp I'm the most absurd way, dis
tinguishing the smell Of the beast
which experience for thousands q
generations has taught il most to dread
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1892-12-18

The Western Union company earns
about $1,000. 900 annually from its cleo
tric clock service. charging fifteen dol
lars year for setting each clock at noon
daily. The time sold thus profitably it
gets from the government for nothing.
but anybody can have the same priv
ilesc free of charge by putting an in
strnment and "A wire into the Observe
tory. Captain McNsir. the naval officer
in charge. 70 anxious TO furnish time
bali service TO private individuals and
concerns in every seaport city. only de-
handing as condition that he shall
have "a return wire furnished him in or
der that Le may publish corrections in
the newspapers. Such time balls wonld
enable Inssiners 70 correct their cbro-
nometeTs. 1t was chiefly for this pur-
Iose. in fact. thu; the time service was
originally established =. Washington
Cor. Boston Transcript
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1892-12-18

The plain boarder looked up from his
plate furtively. Tho landlady was gaz-
ing directly at him. He trembled
slightly. for he was about to cross the
Rubicon. and even Cesar had a shiver
when he made that break. successful as
it afterward proved to be.
"What is it" she inquired.
He hesitated moment.
1.-THE beefsteak," he replied.
whats the matter with the beefsteak?
I'm sure buy the best in the market"
''It's tough. madam"
"You only think So" she said warmly
Possibly do, madam" and his
nerves came to . tension. but know
there is only one thing in the wide.
wide world tougher than it is. and that
is the conscience Of the landlady who
could place it before boarder without
at the same time providing him with an
AK or at least saw"
Today that man is living at q cheap
Northumberland Free Press.
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1892-12-18

There is as much heat generated by
political contests in Canada a. anywhere
else. despite the GOODNESS 81 the climate.
and candidates for the house Of COM
mons must make up their minds TO ''eD-
drre hardness in a good many forms IL
they are determined to achieve success.
A certain Mr.. F. was opposing one
NJ in the election for representa-
tive for the county OF Wheatfeld. Mr..
F.. who was one ~ the men who are
everything By turns aud nothing long.
had bad some curious experiences during
his career. This fact was known 10
M. who once, when they Were upon
the platform together 1T crowded
meeting, tainted his opponent with be-
inz discharged turnkey Of a prpi,en-
tiary.-
When F-'s turn TO speak cafne be
rose with a countensnce npon which the
emotions of surprise and sorrow were
admirably expressed. and thus ..couns-
cred lack" upon bis antagonist.
~Gentlemen." said he. ''yon have 3usf
bad presented 80 you an astounding u
lasuation Of the blackncss ~ ingrati-
fade. NJ opponent has seen 81 n tagnf
me with being discharged turnkey n
a penitentiary. No~. gentlemen. DO
not deny sAat ] once occupied the posi-
ton referred % and that did moi leave
II Il ray own accord, bat was sumHlarily
discharged from Il.
"I3ut what vas tie reason fssr that
discharge The fact that my opponent
has dared - bring the subject - shows
him 10 be rossessed ef moral caIlous
hess that IN ifseif sufficiently establishes
bis nnwofthiness 70 receive your suf-
frsras Ter. gentlemen. ,sns discharged
htcAuse osf ~ 7bifrlsred symsasiy !
permitted tiist man - escape FROM thai
very peniicntiafy. - Youths Cosnpan-
ion
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1892-12-18

Petdogs should never have hut one full
meal a day. and that about 8 or o'clock
in the evening. A little milk or broth
should be given in the morning, bnt
nothing else. They should have q dish
OF mashed greens. well boiled tripe.
lightly boiled liver once or twice week:
not full meal. bat mixed with thei-
food
Remember that their food must he
nourishing: for example. tough ends of
steak and bono pieces boiled until you
can remove the bones. then sailed and
thickened with potatoes or stale bread.
Terriers must have meat of some kind
often. Never give any dog chicken
bones, there is nothing much more dan
gerous. About once month get jaint
Of the neck Of beef and let the dog have
the bones after cooking.
Puppies should be fed four or five
times day on boiled milk. When two
months old bread may be added, or .
little very finely mashed potatoes: never
meat until six months old, and then very
sparingly until they are year old.
Feeding meat to young dogs causes dis
temper. They may have small. safe
bones after three months. Ii they get
diarrhea. give q little cheese. Mrs.
Theodore Wright in Ladies' Home Jour-
nal
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1892-12-18

Very few stores now adhere to the old
plan of cipher marking. Experience has
proved that q majority Of customers
prefer goods 20 be marked I'm plain fig
ures, no ono liking the idea of two sets
OF figures unless hers sure no Is among
the favored ones who get the benefit of
the lower scale. IL is said to Do the
practice with the medical fraternity of
some towns to grade their charges to
patients according to the style Of house
in which they live. and the same idea
prevails so much as 10 retail stores that
lidies have been known 10 send servants
down 20 stores because they could get q
larger discount.
OtheT ladies ara careful never 10 dress
very well when shopping. and this shows
how firmly the impression prevails tina.
a genuine one price store il q novelty.
Tho easiest way to get over this i'm
preston il 70 have every article marked
IA plain figures, SO that the customer
may see that one price prevails for all
s.. Louis Giohe-Denocrat.
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1892-12-18

Young Psofessor-W nat curious plant.
may ask. Miss Laura. is that hanging
To tho chandelier overhead?
Miss Lsars Oh. declare. professor.
| had forgotten ali about that. Ii is a
spTig eff mistlctoc.
Young Professor fexSmining IL intent
ly)-It is quite pretty. | 10 not remem-
Ter having seen anything like 1t before.
! was ahout to remark. Ms Lama. fisas
20 oae who IS interested IN Tire chaTising
science Of entomology tho Dlatla orion-
tabs, CT cockrosch proper. as distin-
euishea from tie i5latta gsr.anions. uT
SO called crctga bag q cenfsuon observe
tion. affords a most wonderful field for
microscopic rese.lreh. etc. - Chicago
Tribune.