The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1892-11-12
yANN WRITES IT OUT
He Tells All About the Tariff and
Why 1t Is.
He Says Castor Oil Has Been Badly
DemOralized.
ALSO THAT SHOE PEGS ARE WAY UP
VERY Clever Article by the Disabled
Soldier which will BE APP
preciated.

He that stitch down upon a no stove
shall rise again, and with a vim that VIII
knock the rust off the hinges of siothfui
ipaction. Selah! Times were, in the in
FAINT DAYS of all nations-Our " country
AS well when the supposed wise
taught both the heather and ourselves
what we were to believe, and the sup
posed good pointed out a ready way to
reach lions hill, and both they and we
kept in temperate ATTITUDES in politics
and theology. In these W o fascinating
bu: opposite sciences-pOlitics and the
olocv-everyone nowadays makes his
own creed, and gives his vote, in the
light of the nineteenth century, as to
nov he wishes his neighbOr to be gov
crnel. We canDot help it; we have but
a choice Of two evils-govern the scala
wags Tan onerous duty, or let those same
scahwags-all men are rascals except
ourselvcs-rule over us. Which horn OF
the dilemma will you take-this or that:
There is no success possible to anyone,
we are told, except in obeying those who
are our real superiOrs. Who are our
"supcriors," intellectually or otherwise?
Is there 4 degenerate son Of Adam any
where to be found within the circle OF
natures orbit, who will admit that he has
a superior, either viewed from a thee
logical standpoint or in political econ
Omv? Not one, my deluded country
- MI -o Ln,o 40 CY1pnrinr in
the thousand and one things that consti.
tutc general intelligence, or the higher
attributes of the reasoning mind-that
scintillation from duty's dOmain-who,
or what are to be the governing party
Listening echo folds her wings in the
misty realms of chaos, and will return
with the eXpectant answer, neVermOre
We see no way out Of the labyrinth of
perplexities, unless it be to HAND both
the state and national affairs over to
Parson Massey and Mother Kansas
Lease. This is not our imperative ipse
dixit, mind you but as drowning men
are supposed to catch at straws in order
to escape q waterY grave, and thus avoid
the possibilities of a calOriC hereafter, we
merely hint this as a probable way out of
our many exasperating troubles no one
is under any obligations whatever Ito
test the proposition.
Now that the great political battle has
been fought and the victory gained by
one of the contending factions, let US
l,,r, ttn InVnInt &c l;-4~- ,-1 4Ntln
down to the delightful avocations of
everyday life; and when congress again
assemblies we can get a whack at Major
McKinley's tariff law, the force bill, and
other pleasant little duties Of a like ma
ture that need special and prayerful
attention. McKinley's fraudulent tariff
measure must be repealed, and thus relax
that terrible strain that's now playing
sad havoc with public confidence in the
matter of shoe pegs. skunk pelts, and
Castor-Oil. Why, only yesterday, DR..
Johnson professionally poured a quart
of castor oil down the throat of a cOlicky
tramp, who had raided Colonel Fair
brothers Yam Farm in the interest of an
empty stomach and yet, we are panied
TO say, the loathsOme compound has sig
nally failed in its old time duty, and the
perambulating gent will die unless other
ahd more active means are adopted.
This inactive disposition on the part of
the oil is owing, so the good doctor saws,
to the excessively high tariff on the prin-
cipal ingredients now used in the manu-
faCture of the article in question; there
fore, other and inert substitutes have
been used-hence the cOmatose activities
of this article To- under consideration
This is bad enough; but here is another
missing link in the chain Of general woe:
This morning Colonel Albright, our
affuble postmaster, was seen going down
Main street barefOoted. Says thai the
tariff on shoe pegs has placed brogans
beyond The reach of his means will now
be forced TO pattern after father Adams
first promenade in the Garden of Eden,
but hopes the abominable tariff is near
the end of its earthly career. The colo
neIs broganless condition has called out
thC y utdiHitS VI our CltlXtnS, ana with
a view 10 shoeing the destitute pilgrim
have circulated a petition solicit ing aid
in the form Of duCats but, since learning
the size of our friends foot-No 27-
have concluded 10 deter the benef, till
at;-r the tariff law has been repealed
twould take forty pounds of pegs TO
fashion up a pair of sandals of that Iii
mcusion such a hefty strain being, we
regret to say, death 10 their charitable
impulse.
Then there is Colonel Nilkerson. suf-
fering from an attack of acute cerebro-
spinal meningitis, and not a bottle of
Madam Winslow's Soothing Syrup on
the market. The inference is plain
enough: Mckinley is again the prime
and moving factor, and our cup of woe is
full OF gall and NORWOOD. This is a
shakey period in the history of both
morality and general c~uSsedneSS- parso,