The Saline County journal., 1892-07-07
RANK FAILURE.
The Hesrth Of Jaiy Ceiebrstion In safina
Didn't Anssnt TO shueks.

The Hesrth Of Jaiy Ceiebrstion In safiha
Dids't Ans,nt 20 shueks.
Several bypercriticsl people Of
this town are eternally finding fault
with the newspaper for praising
everything that happens here, and
so the JOURNAL proposes to inaugu-
rate Q new departure and tell the
truth about the Ith Of July celebra-
tion In all Its nudity. First the
weather WAS unsuitable for q Fourth
OF July celebration. II didn't rain,
neither was IL hot enough to scorch
the feathers on q wooden Indian
cigar sign. 1t was just q plain,
ordinary day. with no wind and just
too cool to start the sweat.
There was not . glass Of vermillion
lemonade offered FOR sale all day,
and the only man who got drunk
went home before dinner and slept
In his hammock until next morning.
The band played, the drum major
cut up his monkeyshines, the
knights Of Pythiss and Grand Army
marched and everybody seemed cool,
comfortable and contented. How
could Fourth OF July celebration
be . success under such circum-
stances?
When dinner was over the band
went over to the park and began the
exercises with music. Then that
impurturbsble, omnipresent and
verbatile patriot, Mr.. w. II. John
son, editor Of the Sun, who bossed
the celebration (another unfoi :upate
thing having set things to rights,
announced that the proceedings
would now begin. Prayer was Of
fered by Rev. Baker and some music
rendered by the Y. NJ. e. A. quar-
tette.
Then e.. &. Fleck got up and read
something out Of a tan. colored book,
which sounded like long piece over
In the back part Of our old school
history that nobody read except
when too lazy to study. Its fist
words were; sven In der course of
human events" etc. This IL getting
the cart before the horse, for IL was
Just before Mr.. Fleck read the Dec
larstion that Mr.Johnson announced
that IL the crowd would be real quiet
q national salute Of thirteen guns
would be fired of. A good many
more than thirteen were fired; 49,
UO0, 900 would have been nearer IL. In
fact the salute continued without In.
terruption from 8 n. m. to ! | 80 p. m.
And then the speeches. Not one
twist did the British lions tail get.
The American eagle was tetotally
ignored. Just two old fogies got up
and discoursed upon the affairs that
concern the everyday life OF the
citizen. Why were not the talons Of
the great bird sunk deep into the
hide Of the old Tomcst, and carried
" INV wv
anything on this great anniversary
but the scream OF the Eagle? II
this thing obtains generally q barn.
yard chicken had better be substi-
tuted. Elder See, after the speeches
Of Doctor Tobey and Rev. Mucklow.
pronounced the benediction.
A celebration cannot be a success
when everybody behaves, when the
speakers do not efiervesce, when
there II no creased pig to catch, no
slippery pole TO climb, no impossible
races TO be run, and IL II by these
standards that the celebration Of
last Monday is judged. Personally
every one connected with this Ufiice
enjoyed themselves, and We have
nothing against those who took part
In the celebration, or It's promoters,
but as the JOURNAL tries 10 please
everybody, In this one instance II II
deemed best to ,oast II, jest for the
novelty OF the thing.