Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1892-04-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A wedding trip-The broken engage
ment.
The minister's stndy-How to make
both ends meet. Life.
No form of error is more nauseating
than that which lauds itself as exclusive
truth.-Lii'e.
The strange thing is that hotel run
ners are not the people who run the
hotels. st. Joseph News.
"We shall live by hook or by crook"
said the fisherman when he married the
shepherdess. Boston Post.
That no one will take fellows word
is not necessary proof that he will keep
it.-Binghamton Republican.
If you have Jonah Eamong your
friends don't sit down and COY about it;
be whale. .-Atchison Globe.
The professional thief is sometimes
called bird of prey, and vet he's only
a robin. .--Binghamton Leader.
1t must not be supposed that woman
is out of temper because she moves about
with bang.-Boston Gazette.
Astronomers do not attempt to knock
the spots off the sun. They only stand
and look at ttnem.-Picayune.
Wonder if this agitation against
"sweat-shops" will affect parties who
are running Turkish baths3-Boston
Bulletin.
No wonder the swine ran down into
the sea. Is there anything more rash
than rasher of bacon ?-Binghamton
Republican.
High-school Teacher-'tWhy do come.
dies always end with marriage2" Pu.
pil-"Because that is where the tragedy
begins. LA Figaro.
"Who is that across the street2" ooh,
that's a very close friend of mine"
Indeed!" eyes, he never lends me
cent. Texas Siftings.
"Waiter, this steak is much smaller
than the one l had yesterday. How's
that 2" 'Oh, it comes from smaller
OK. ."-Fliegende Batter.
Raving-Is Parsons as much of a
bibiomaniac as ever?" ''Yos. He paid
$500 to get his own book published last
I-iiS'
II is often the case that the women
who give their children romantic names
have husbands who do not know how to
spell them. .-Atchison Globe.
Humanity appears to be very unequal.
" divided between those who can't stand
prosperity and those who can't get any
to tand.-Binghamton Republican.
''Do you wear your sunniest smiles
when you want to get an unusual favor
from your husbands" "No; wear my
briniest tears. Yarmouth Register.
The two headed boy may not have so
many corns in proportion to his size as
other boys, but he must have great
deal more toothache. e.-Binghamton Re-
publican.
Officer-"Private Huber, how is
soldier to behave when he comes in con-
tact with a civilian2" Soldier-"That
depends on how the civilian hehaves."
Texas Siftings.
She-"What is that little silver design
on your 'anel2" He-"Examine it,"
She-s'It's tiny tree with an axe lying
near" He-'Exactly. II means that
l only need to be axCd. ."-Pittsourg
Bulletin.
Mrs. Childers Cat 8 B.. -"Charles,
something's the matter with baby's arm.
Hear how he cries2 Perhaps lis arms
asleep" Mr.. Childers-'Is iti Then
don't wake it up-perhaps it will spread
to the rest of him p-New Orleans Times
Democrat.
Stern Father-"Are you aware, sir,
that my daughter has always been &C.
customed to every luxury that money
could buy2" The Young Man-"Yes;
but bless you, that wont make any diff
ference with me. I'd Just as lief mar
ry that kind OF girl as any other. -
Chicago Tribune.
An American lady, visiting Paris, was
continually interested in the smart little
boys, in white caps and aprons, who de-
liver the wares of the pastry cooks. One
day she said to one of these boys, who
had brought her some cakes: ''Ah, /
suppose you get the benefit of one of
these cakes yourself sometimesg" 'tWhat
do you mean, MADAME" "You eat a
cake now and then2" 'sEat thems Oh,
no, madame, that wouldn't do. l only
lick 'en as come along "--Argonaut.