Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1892-09-17
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND Do
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes snd Joksiets that Are Supposed to
Have Been Recently Born Sayings and
DofnRs that Are Odd. Curious and
Laughab1e.

Have Been Recently Born Sayings and
Dofnrs that Are ODD. Curious and
Laughable.
Scissored Smiles.
CARE you busy?" asked the mug of
the growler. BUSY is no name for
it" replied the growler; "rm rushed. !"
Judge
A 50-CENT piece, my son, with a
hole in it will not pass current, which
shows that the half is better than
the hole.-Boston Transcript.
LADY, wish to get birthday
present for my husband" Clerk
"How long married." Lady-"Ten
years" Clerk-"Bargain counter, to
the right. New York Weekly.
"I'M going to get a hair cut this
afternoon" You'd better get sew
eral." Several hair cuts?" "No; sew
eral hairs cut. Puck.
"DEAR FATHER: We are well and
happy. The baby has grown ever so
much, and has great deal more sense
than he used to have. Hoping the
same of you, l remain your daughter,
Molly Texas Shiftings.
JAcK-What are you feeling SO blue
about? Toni got into the habit of
kissing Imogen whenever she got
angry at me. Jack-Yes? Tom-And
now her temper is completely ruined.
New York Herald.
"THE style of writing that you do
must be very hard work" Herbert
well, it is; but what made you
think of it?" Gladys "Why, it
makes me tired to read chicago
Inter Ocean.
MRS. VAN LEEvER-"Didn't you
once say that it was cheaper to move
than to pay rent?" Van Lever (du-
biously)-"Yes; but 1 was younger
then. Now I'm convinced that it's
cheapest of all to burn out and get
your insurance. Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. SMITH Ito Mrs. Parveuu, who
has been telling him about her new
house)-I suppose you will have
dumb walters in the house? Mrs. P.
No, l shan't. l had a deaf cook
once, and vowed then never to have
another crippled servant.-Brooklyn
Life.
FARMER's boy-There's going to be
a minstrel show in Pinktown next
week. Can / Old Hayseed-Gee
Whitaker! 1t amt been month
sence you went to the top o. tn hill
to see the 'clipse of tn moon. D'yuh
wanter always be on tn go?-Good
News.
WATTs-"I usually manage to swal-
low most Of these newspaper stories,
but when they tell of an Indian in
New Mexico digging his way out of
Jail with two toothpicks, weaken"
Potts-"I guess you never saw New
Mexico toothpick. - indianapolis
Journal.
THREE different walters at South
ern hotel asked little, prim, precise
Harvard professional at dinner, in
quick succession, if he would have
soup. A little annoyed, he said to
the last waiter who asked: as it
compulsory?" mo, sah," answered
our friend and brother, mo, sab, l
think it am mock-turtle.
HARD AND EASY LIVES. Little
girl-My papa has to get up awful
early, SO as to get to the Office and
see if his clerks is there attendin' to
business. Little boy-My papa don't
have to. He's one of the Clerks
Good News.
COUNTRY BOOKSELLER Ito miner
who has previously invested in a die
tionary)-"Oh, you must look among
the SIS for scissors, not the rs. Z"
well, hOw's Oh to know? Wot's t.
good of a dictionary without a him
dex?"-Tid Bits.
THE story is told of an eminent |
divine and his bright boy that is not |
devoid of instructiveness. The father |
had way of saying to his son when |
leaving home: Remember whose boy |
you are" The lad one day turned |
the tables by calling out to his father: |
"Good-by, papa: remember whose |
father you re."-New York Elk |
aminer.
LADY Ito servant)-Matilda, have
you watered the flowers? Matilda
mum. 1 done watered
'em more'n two weeks ago.-Texas
Siftings.
Miss MCLEAN Tourist from Boston,
Its strange that the Sphinx keeps
silent in the face of the remarks of
these vulgar people" Mr.. Bacon
ditto, from Chicago)-"It wouldn't,
reckon, if it didn't have lots o.
sand. Smith. Gray & Co. IS Monthly.
Il TELL you," he said disconsolate-
ly, women are altogether too bust
ness-like nowadays" Whats the
Il proposed to the heiress
@Did she accept you?"
No; she took out her notebook, wrote
my name and address in it and said
81 xunr,1d f,onciJar ~ ~ II