The record-union., 1892-12-17
TIE MAJOR AND The LADY.
How Senator Hart Won the Cigars
from Judge Davis.
Justice Henry's Recital About Uncle
Ben Johnsou-The Funny Mans
Strange Caller.

Major w. A. Anderson won a wager for
Senator f. C. Hart, unwittingly, the
other day, and at the same time convicted
himself of a serious charge.
1t appears that the Senator, ex-Justice
George Davis and several other legal
lights were engaged in discussion of the
United States Senatorship, on j street,
when they happened to observe the gal
liant Major across the street conversing
with lady on legal business.
''Pll wager the cigars for the crowd with
you, Judge said Senator Hart to Davis,
''that the Major is not telling that lady
the truth, no matter what they are talking
about"
Judge Davis took the bet, and when the
Major left the lady and came over 10
where they were standing. he was in
formed of the wager. Didn't you lie
to her?" asked the Senator, sharply.
Why" spluttered the Major, 81 had
to. \ GU see, She
But the howl of laughter that followed
drowned out the Majors explanation.
He didn't exactly see where the joke came
IN, but consented to take one of the CT
CARS, and laughed little, too.
Judge Henry has story which he says
is either brand new, or else is so old that
1t has been forgotten by every body but
himself.
It's about old Uncle Ben Johnson. who
used to live few miles out from LeXing-
ton, "kaintuclIy." Uncle Ben used to 70
TO town every few days ana exchange
truck for groceries and the like. one
hot summers Gay he was returning home
with quite cargo OF provisions, and quite
load of corn-juice inside. More THAN
this, he had little brown jug under the
seat, and now ana then would replenish
his Jag with the contents. Uncle Ben
got rather unsteady, and. desire coming
over him for nap, he pulled up under
shady tree. He tied old Betsy 10 the
fence, and, lying down in the grass, was
soon Saving wood"
Some kind-hearted neighbor came
along, who had more sympathy Tor Betsy
than for Cncle Ben. SO they unhitched
the animal, turned her into neighboring
pasture, and Went their way.
Cncle Ben awoke in the course of 4
couple of hours in ra.hera ii3jamic state
He rubbed his eyes and stared about in a
greatly Lewildered manner.
"Who am l, aid where am I?'' asked
Uncle Ben-of the birds, probably.
Then his eyes fell upon the reeling and
horseless wagon. ''N ell, I'll be dinged!"
Quoth Uncle Ben. "Now (hicl, either
one of two (hic) things hash happened.
If my name is Ben Johnston (hic) Eve
lost hOrsh; but if (hic) my name amt
Ben Johnston, then (hic) l be dinged if
amt found wagOnn'
His hair needed pruning and he was
long ana gaunt, with a strange look in
his eyes. He stepped into the editorial
room and asked to see the funny man.
The office boy escorted him across the
hallway and into another room. The
stranger took q seat. and, looking SQUARE
ly into the twinkling eyes of the man
who writes those eXcruciatingly fanny
stories, began to speak.
Il want to tell You little story" he
rasped, land | want you to listen at
tentively"
go ahead, Pm all ears said the funny
man.
Yes, so l perceive" said the stranger,
with a sicllly smile. But 10 proceed.
In olden times, before there were any
newspapers to put funny stories into, the
funny men made their living as testers
generally in some potentate's court.
They wore caps and bells, and striued
varicolored suits. You have read Of
them, presume 20
"0h, yes" replied the humorous writer,
somewhat puzzled.
'Um! Well, my reason for calling was
to congratulate you that you are not liv-
ing in those times" and the caller arose
as if to go.
well, may 1 ask why?" asked the
funny man, still more puzzled than ever.
why, yes, of course. You see, in
those times when the jester got Off a
chestnut the King chopped his head Off"
anG with that the long-haired, gaunt man
strobe from the room.
A couple of hours later, when the
managing editor went into the funny
mans room for some copy" he found
that he had not written line, but was
gazing tiXedly, like one in trance, at the
partly open door.