The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1892-12-31

(As remarked last week, Friday, the25d,
was sour. The next day, it is needless to
was sour and mean too. 1t was
cloudy. 1t was chilly. 1t had an east
wind in its teeth, and when did ever any
thing but double-d'stilled meanness ema-
nate from an east wind? But withal IL
was a promising day. 1t promised to be
ugly and was. 1t promised to snow but
lied about it. The clerk OF the weather
seemed to think that as it was the day
before Christmas people would have to be
astir anyhow and it didn't make any dit
ference what kind of stuff he dished up.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
The dawn of Christmas revealed what
the weather had been waiting for-iced
razor soup. The wind had shifted until
it came straight from Greenland's icy
mountains. Greenland and Labrador are
queer old places. The principal products
are Eskimo Indians, Indian dogs, polar
bears and ice bergs. The latter are not so
numerous but are OF superior heft. Some
times the fellows get into n scrap up there
and grind the ice bergs up into powder or
small bits. This is our hail or snow. We
got a whole ice berg here, Sunday, but il
was ground up just fine enough at first to
cut ones nose raw as u beef steak. This
visitation begun at noon and kept up its
deyilment until it got tired. Mercury
was in II bad state of stage fright by 9 a.
m. Its trepidition increased as the day
wore on. BY s~undown-if there was any
such %event-the truck had dropped below
zero, and by midnight was trying to
squeeze itself all into the bulb. All in
all Sunday was the coldest day since Har-
rison was elected president.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 26.
The thermometers were in a terrible
lower. One said it was only ten degrees
below zero. Another declared it was u.
! Still another registered Is, and one sat
uown on a snow drift and offered to be
legally sworn that it was IS. When Their
mometers fall out who shall decide? A
mans nose of course, for who knows after
all but that this organ, which is Natures
own Thermometer, is the true one? Only
this objection could be urged: The man
with the most nose knows the most cold
unless a little nose knows as much as q
| DlR uOSts "A leu IlooS thty a $500
or cold according to what the owner has
been drinking. A blue nose always indi-
Gates zero weather; a blue-purple nose
ten degrees below; a pure-purple nose
eighteen degrees; a blpe-black nose-well
that's always from eighteen to forty. Al
an average the exposed nose, Monday
was n pure-purple. The sunshine wa'
.-zlNs- 1t,n rNnntfxy lfynlU kIIf 10
comforter it was n dead failure. 1t didn'
even invite stray Thomas cats to bask in
its effulgent mockery.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER q.
Sun got up all right and there was
little more sealskin cloak in the tempera
ture. Still the effort TO get up n party II
go down to the river aud take q swim me
with but little encouragement, and tn
nose was very liable to get a little blue i
allowed to hang out too long.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER %.
The old year is fast petering out. Prob
ably he wishes now he hadn't lived quit
so fast when he was young. But to-
much fast horse, too much cheap whiskey
too much cigarette smoking will do NJ
Tile DCSb VI No, uuu otu iNSS WV 49,
had his time. He Is pretty close TO tn
brink and will soon tumble in. We'l
write an ode when it's all over (if we cal
find our scissorsl. Wednesday was not
love of a day. IL Ind too much OF tn
indecision of u matronly hen who pre-
tends she doesn't know which way yol
want her 10 drive. She knows wher
the hole is you want her to enter, sees !
all the time, and then she doesn't-at leas
acts that Way-and isn't it a saprem
= pleasure 10 grasp her by the neck, civ
r her q good choking until she say
STANDARDIZATION hurl her over tn
fence7
; THURSDAY, DECEMBER 9th.
. This day started out as 10 it meant to d
, aomethiog" Sthing, aid rduGef" along re
, s~ultless until the shades OF evening ap
preached when it begun splitting snow
This lasted until 8 O'Clock p. M, whe
the weather went entirely out of business
, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30.
, Cloudy, hut warm and mellow. Th
; wind was blowing weakly from the south
!. past Then it veered TO the northwest
"sszeriagof the tempera
ture. The mercury In uuSSpfs--~-uaalio
; jug remained in statu quo, and the da
vent out without any indicatiaa OF tn
big storm Foster, the st. JoesWeather
, jeremiah said would be cavorting aroun
unloading its six-shooters about thi
time.