The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1892-09-13
SOME FOOLS.
The Rev. Pink PUNK Discourses on the
Weakness of Humanity.

The Rev. Pink PUNK Discourses on the
Weakness of Humanity.
Brother Pink PUNK has gone in for
the popular "sermonette " or prelude"
idea. Before delivering his usual ex-
hor5ation to sinners last Sunday morn
ing he gave his congregation the bene
fit of his observations and cogitations
concerning fools. This is what he
said:
"De longer 1 lib, deah breddern, de
more I wonder at de number OBJ fools
dere are in de world, an de astonishin
part OBJ it is dat de world gifts along so
well considerin de number OBJ fools dat
inhabit it.
"Some people are born fools, some
git foolish after they've been on earth
a while, and some wait until they're
old enough to know better, an when
sensible people see dem dey laff inside
and remahk to one anudder, Dare
amt no fool like an ole fool an de ole
fool laffs too and thinks he's the wisest
pusson in the hull universe.
almost eberybody is a fool on some
particular subject. deah breddern. A
man may be puffeckly sane On ebry-
ting but his one hobby, an he's jist as
foolish in regard to dat as de mos VIC
lent maniac in Bloomingdale or Black
wells island is in regard to ~eberyting
in gen'ral.
"Dey is de reckless fool, deah bred
dern. He's de nan dat didn't know
it was loaded until it went off suddenly
an landed somebody else in kingdom
come. He's de fool dat jumps off high
bridges on a bet an usually comes to
de surface OBJ de ribber in a condishun
which GIBBS de coroner chance to make
a good fat fee and allows de local pa
pers to print sensational headlines.
He's de lunatic dat jumps from a bal
Iooninto a parachute and subsequently
forms an interestin puzzle for de doc
tors to patch togedder so dat his corpse
kin be identified an shipped home to
his friends. He's de ijit dat steps out
OBJ de way oh a railroad train an gifts
hit by de lightnin express comm down
de udder track. He's de fool dat
blows out de gas on de occasion OBJ his
first ian last) visit to de city. He's de
jackass dat drinks poison for whiskey
by mistaken de bottles in de dahk.
He's de fool dat monkeys wild de buzz
saw wen it's goin full speed, dat med
1 l1o1 MD 1.-Two oIoo4ri0 -uS1.Oo 1oA I011 -
t'ousan an one things dat he wouldn't
do eff he only want a fool.
DE man dat writes letters to de
news papers is still anudder variety,
deah breddern, an one OBJ de kline dat's
amusin as well as foolish. He takes
up de space in de paper dat de hahd
workin pacereporter has been crowded
out OBJ, an gin'rally succeeds in shown
in his long, tejus letter how much he
don't know about things in ginral, an
de do subieck he's writin about in par
ticlar, he's a wuss nuisance dan de
spring poet, becuz he prevails de hull
year roun, vile de poet only blooms in
de spring.
For fear de women folks may feel
sighted Ell conclude by enumeratin a
few OBJ de most noticeable fools of de
(sometimes) gentler sex.
Ode auction fool-de woman dat
buys secondhand things at auctions dat
she could buy new for half de money.
Ode bargain huntin fool dat spen's a
hull day an a dollar an a half for car
fare N lunch tryin to buy somet'n for
ffty-nine cents dat she cud have
bought for sixty half a block from her
own door.
de giddy fool-de forty fve-year-
old woman, wild crows feet an wrinkles
dat thinks she's just as young as she
was twenty-five years ago.