The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1892-04-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Well.worn-The old oaken bucket.
The most remarkable man Of his age
-Methuselah. Life.
How little and dried-up the cheese sp-
pears to the rat after he is caught in the
trap.-New York Herald.
A man never forgives until he has had
a chance to get even and has improved
the chance. Globe.
When you open a window on the rail-
way train the first thing te cat h your
eye is a cinder.-Boston Bulletin. ''-
You can't punish man for his evil in
tentions, and he often gets himself into
a mess through his good ones.-Puck.
The fellow just out of the lookup is
the fellow who thoroughly enjoys the
"freedom of the city. ."-Columbus Post.
Little drops of water,
Little globes of grease
Make the soup we pay for
At fifty cents apiece.
We never realize the value of Jewel
until we try to pawn it. Come to think
OF it, we don't then. p.-Indiauapolis
Journal.
A dentist in a Western city is named
LeggO. As usual thing, however, he
will not do so until it is out.-Tcxas
Siftings.
1t is the man at the tlittle end of the
horn" who does the work that blares out
elsewhere to the admiration of the
crowd.-Puck.
The man who has one of those
calendars with leaf to tear off every
day has one thing to live for anyway
Somerville Journal.
Weary Watkins-''If you had a hun
dred-dollar bill what would you get
tirstp Hungry Higgins-"Arrested, l
guess. indianapolis Journal.
love to sit upon the fence
And whitte it all day;
Because it is my neighbours fence,
And he has gone away.
Puck.
A misanthropist once said to DIR.
Jobart, "Never believe more than one
half of what people tell you" Eyes"
Jobert replied, "but which half2"-
Soir.
The woman who sent her color. blind
husband out to match some cloth, Just
tainted in an ecstasy of happiness at the
hint his labors gave her for a combina-
ton suit.
Wooden-"So Spender is dead. I
wonder if he left his wife anything2"
Bulinch-"Oh, yes; great plenty"
Wooden--"Why, what" Bulfnch-ss
"Nine children. Boston Courier.
Bunting-"I saw a sight to-day which
did my heart good" Larkin-"What
was it?" Bunting--"A plumber get
ting a prescription compounded at a
retail drug store. Seattle Soundings.
Gussie-"Don't you think The Man
Without Country is just as sad as it
can be p TessIe--"Ye-es; it's very sad
indeed. But l think the country with
out man would be good deal sadder;
don't you I''-Boston Post.
'You must give up that horrible gum said
he
Because, if you don't you maynt marry
Then the crystal tears gathered in her bright
eyes of blue,
And she sobbed, II shall marry no man
but chew.n
indianapolis Journal.
She-'I don't see how you can love
me any longer. You are the most de-
voted husband in the world" He
"Well, my dear, why should't l be 2"
She because disgrace you every time
/ go out wearing such an old hat"
(Sequel--a new hat, of course. Buffalo
Express.
"Never tell me again, said gentle
man with a swollen lower jaw Yesterday
"that woman can't drive
nail" "What do you know about it 2"
inquired an inquisitiye friend. ~ had
a tooth filled this afternoon and my den
tist has a girl to WELD the mallet. Great
buzz-saws She could drive spikes into
an iron clad. Chicago News.
Tramp-"Please give me something to
eat2 I've not had warm mouthful in a
week" Mr.. Manhattau-'I'll give you
a ticket aud you can get plate of nice
hot soup" "FIot soup ~ he howled.
Haven't you got anything else This
makes the fifth plate Of hot soup I've
had in the last hour. It's not healthy
to put so much soup into an empty stom-
lch. Texas Siftings.
Now, there is a story don't believe"
said Colonel Yerger as he laid aside an ex-
change. "What story is that, Colonel 2"
asked Gus de Smith. "Why, the paper
says that Cotopaxi can sometimes be
heard 500 miles. "You don't believe
il p "Of course l don't believe it. I'll
bet there isn't a singer in the world that
3an be heard half that far" "But Coto-
paxi if a volcano, Colonel" 'Is it2
thought it was one Of those Italian fell
ows that go about with Patti. Texas
Siltings.