The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1892-03-11
THE ARIZONA KICKER"
THE EDITOR OF THAT FAMOUS PAPER
HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.
lie Narrowly Escapes Desth-But Gets
Even ON q Delinquent subscriber-As
Mayor He VIII Boom the Town. Like
wise the "Kicker' at Legal Rates.


| wise the "kicker" at Legal Rates.
PooR SHOOTING. AS we were coming
across the sand lots the other evening.
after spending a couple of very agree.
able hours at the adobe residence of the
| Widow jackson, some would he assassin
who was in hiding fired six bullets at us
, from a revolver. We think it was Tom
, Bigelow. We think so because Tom has
shot at everybody in this town and never
hit any one. He didn't hit u.s. Being
armed only with bowie knife, we lit
out as soon as the shooting begun, and
the last bullet went 10 feet above our
head.
We did think of hunting Tom up yes
terday and splitting his ear with bullet
as a great moral lesson, but on second
thought we concluded not to waste the
time. He'll keep on blazing away
around this town until somebody gets
vexed at the noise and then he'll sud
denly go hence. We don't want his
! funeral expenses on our hands.
HE'S SUBSCRIBER. week, rs
noticed by our contemporary in double
loaded article with three scare heads on
| 1t, Jim Renshaw, who owns the cactus
ranch out on the Tucson road, refused to
take his copy of the Kicker out of the
postoffice. Jim not only owed us $3.50
on subscription, but refused his paper to
hurt our feelings. He's been sore on us
ever since we refused to lend him our
white shirt-the only one in town-to go
on drunk in.
| We want to show an accommodating
spirit toward all, and we have the name
of being a good fellow, but we want to
say right here and now that we belive a
common wool shirt is plenty good enough
for any man in this town to get drunk in.
If it isn't he'd better stay sober.
| When we saw Jim's little game we
mounted our mule and rode. over to in
terview him. He was expecting us. One
bullet went through our hat and another
raked our mule, but after that Jim lay
down and we dug the bullet out of his
shoulder and helped him into his dugout.
He not only paid us all all arrears in spot
cash, but dollar on advance subscrip-
ton, and as soon rs able to move about
he will personally canvass for subscrib-
eIs.
| WE SHALL GET THERE-Last Friday
evening we were nominated for mayor
on the Democratic ticket by acclamation,
and this is equivalent to an election. We
don't deny that we sought the nomina.
ton. We have had our eye on it for
year past. We shall also do our level
best to snow our opponent under. We
have been moved to this course by de-
sire to see the town we'll governed and
because we believe the mayor should be
the representative man of the town. We
are that man. There's no use in filling
and backing and talking about modesty
and self conceit and all that. We lead
this town. We know more than any 10
men in it rolled together. We shall make
the best mayor the town has ever had,
and we shall see that all the city printing
is given to the Kicker at legal rates.
DowNED AGAIN.-When the new ad-
ministration came in we wanted to be
postmaster. We were eminently fitted
for the place. Instead of giving it to us
Mr.. Wanamaker appointed creature
who goes by the name Of Hank Scott. A
more unfit man could not have been
| AL hIiLcud. I1duh hucW uOW Wo
felt and he set out to make it pleasant
for us. Inside Of two weeks he knitted
us in the leg and we shot him in the
shoulder. Since then Hank and us have
had a shooting bee at least once month,
| and on two occasions we left him for
dead. He's as slow on the shoot as he is
in sorting the mail.
Saturday afternoon we entered the
| postoffice with the complaints of 81 SUBJ
| scribers, who had failed to get last
weeks paper. Hank had no doubt taken
them home to put under carpet, which
his extravagant wife has lately got from
Denver. Hank was watching for us
with his head at the general delivery
window, and we have the testimony Of
half dozen gentlemen that he began
shooting first. We wanted to argue, but
he kept pulling trigger and knocking the
buttons off our new fall suit, and we
finally had to wing him in self defense.
He isn't badly hurt and will be as good
as new a month hence.
While we did banker to be postmaster,
and while we do honestly believe that
Hank Scott doesn't know enough to
string dried apples, we don't like these
incidents. They detract from mans
dignity and help give our town hard
name. We hope Hank will change his
tactics after he gets around again. This
is the third or fourth time we've had to
pump lead into him, and we don't like to
do it. 1t gives outsiders the idea that we
are street brawler instead of quiet,
peaceful editor, with the best interests of
the country at heart New York World