Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-02-21
MR. bowsER,s RELAPSE.


Mrs. Bowser Relates How Her Coed Man
Returned to His Old ways-
From the Detroit Free Press.
I an deeply panied to be Obliged to inform
the public that Mr.. Bowser has had relapse
1t wasn't entirely unexpected, but was still
something OF shock. Mr.. Borser's "good
streak" lasted eleven days During that time
he took me to the theater twice, paid = mil
linery bill of S12 without word, raised the
cooks wages 50 cents per week, acknowledged
that could buy groceries cheaper than he
could, insisted on allowing me s5 pin money
per week and was 90 different from his usual
self in other ways that was quite bewildsred.
He went away from the house Saturday noon
fairly beaming with goodness, and - be
reached the bottom step he turned and said:
''Tra-la, chickey! Wen run down town this
evening and see about getting some new silver
ware
When he returned was at the door to meet
him and to greet him, but he waved me aside
| and growled:
Come, now, but don't be playing baby at
"Nom
'Has ANYTHING happened?"
mo! What's the matter that supper isn't
AS"os. II tu2t BOOU-iOE-nOtulnR lazy COOK
doesn't get up and stir her stumps more lively
Ill IRE her on . minutes notice. Mrs Bowser,
housed"
''why, Mr.. Bowssr! You told me only yes
terday that Anna was the smartest cook you
"Never did! Never said word which could
be twisted around to mean such thingT
And you raised her wages?'
Il did that to smarter her up, but it il no
use. Discharge her tomorrow
At the table Mr., Bowser found fault with the
biscuit, the tea, the cold meat and everything
else, and finally called out
Mrs Bowser, are You stone blind?'
"Of course not"
''Then how came you to buy such honey q
this? Any one but blind woman could see
that IT is buckwheat and not clover. Why, .
dog wouldn't touch itr'
but you ordered it yourself"
You ordered It Of Green through the te,e.
phone Thursday. Don't you remember you
had to spell ont the word honey before he
could understandY'
Never! Never telephoned! Never spelled
out the word! Better take it out and bury itr'
After supper began to get ready to 90 down
paper and asked:
whats up nov?'
evening""
''You must be crazy! Don't you suppose 1
ever want night to sit down and rest MYSELF
It's . wonder there's woman left alive on
earth, It's nothing but CAD, CAD, CAD. from
town."
you said we'd see about some silver
ware.'
'.Silver ware! Silver ware Great Scott! but
is the woman a lunatic! We've got bushels of
it now in the house. We've got it in the closet,
down cellar, upstairs and in the garnet! tn
be the insane asylum next!"
Mr. Bowser, didn't you call me chickey when
you went away at noon?p
"Chickey! Never!"
''But you certainly did"
81 certainly didn't! Chickey? Well, when /
get as soft as that want some ice wagon to
run over me-
About o'clock that evening he removed his
shoes to put on his slippers but suddenly
paused and inquired:
els there darning-needls in this house, Mrs.
why, certainly"
Sand piece of sheep twine?"
What on earth do you want Of sheep twine?"
81 want to darn this hole in my sock Some
mems wives can see such things in half an hour.
but this one has been here three weeks. I've
own buttons l suppose I'll have to make the
bed and sweep the floor in another week"
"Phose socks were all right when you
in the morning"
mot much The limit has been reached"
He wouldn't even let me get . dsrning
needle for him, but he hunted one out of the
basket and then, instead Of taking yarn, he got
piece OF twine which had come around q
package and began to sew back and forth across
the hole. He also made a determined attempt
to look like q martyr, and he succeeded SO we'll
that the cook, who had looked in for mo-
ment, beckoned me out into the kitchen and
whispered:
II knew it wouldn't last, ma'am-knew it all
the time! He's got his high jinks on again,
month";
When Mr.. Bowser had finished the sock he
put 1t on and then went for his overcoat, say
ing; -,
been button loose for over two years, but OF
course you wouldn't see it,"
"But you only got this overcoat last fall"
protested, land If there was q loose button you
should have called my attention to it."
He felt of all the buttons twice over before
great ado about cutting it off and sewing it on
again: was rather glad to see that he made
mistake Of two inches in putting it back.
When he had finished mildly inquired whether
he would have beefsteak or macke Eel for break
fast.
There's another thing Iwant to speak about
right now" he sharply replied '.You are us
ing as much money to run this house as If it
was an ordinary hotel. l can't see what you
do with the provisions, unless you sell them
secondhand or give them away"
"a week ago today you gave me els, didn't
your
'Yes, and yon have spent every red Of it, and
are now in debt for s10 more!"
Mr. Bowser. here is my account. It starts off
with three bars of SOAP"
cent?
Hold on. You have praised the table all the
week, and yet my bill foots up"
Haven't praised a thing-not thingr'
"Well, how much does it foot up? See for
yourself. I've run our table on about s.,
while have used another dollar for extra
things for kitchen and laundry.
mime dollars Nine dollars! Great Scott!
But is it any wonder men seem to pity me "a
walk out? You have wasted 80 in a weekv'
"But you have said that it often cost YOU
S16 to run the house for week.
''Never! I've always run it for five or six
and been reckless at that That's it. Let q
woman have the swing and she'll bankrupt the
world in year,
But, Mr.. b"
mo use-no use! I'm going to bed. I'll
probably hive to get up at to defend the
house against your mob Of creditors clamoring
for their pay. Such house! Such wifer'
I'D Mapping in Westminster.
From the Boston Courier.
A young lady who had just returned from
abroad was asked what she enjoyed most Of all