Idaho news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1887-1891, 1891-08-01
DAN MITERS.
CHAPTER |.

Dan Miters was especially drunk.
By this | mean that any other man
in the village OF Cane Hill might have
been drunk-and indeed other men OF
that respectable community had been
known to indulge too heartily in
drink-but that Dan Miters, being the
acknowledged drunkard Of the place,
was especially and particularly in
toxicated. He was man OF ack-
nowledged sense He had, gossip
said, as a prelude to some disparag-
ing statement concerning his weak
ness, carried of the honors at we'll
known school One thing was Ger
tain. He expressed himself in better
language than even the county Judge
could hope to employ, and this. at
Cane Hill, was regarded as con
vincing assertion OF higher e,iucl-
ton.
Dan had first come to the village as
the agent OF a nursery; not that sort
OF a nursery which would disprove the
declaration that marriage among the
poor at least, is failure to perpetu-
ate human misery, but as the agent OF
a company which had fruit trees for
sale. He did not thoroughly succeed.
in running the gauntlet OF village
curiosity, for villagers are critical OF
appearances, and a lazy lounger who
sits all day Mt the store, while his
wife is taking in washiug-the utterly
worthless fellow who would rather
wallow in the mire with black false
hood than to reCline on velvet couch
with a bright truth; who wears a
filthy shirt and one bed tick srlsppn-
der; who chews charity tobacco and
spits at knot hole which, he thinks
by the right OF his own yellow slime.
he has pre-empted-that fellow will
.criticise the clothes and facial ex
preston OF a stranger
Dan was criticised, not only bv the.
w0rthles5loafer, but by the merchant,
and even by the faded woman who had
slipped in TO exchange few eggs for n
small piece OF calico. They declared
that Dams hair was too red, and that
there We're too many treckles on his
face; and il was agreed that lie did not
dress as gentleman should. The
worthless. lOafer squirted at his pre-.
smpted knot-hole and remarked:
Now you're gittin right down to-,
the squarh facts"
That was a long time ago. Dan was
absorbed into the communities social
system, and became celebrated as the
village drInkard Previous to his
achievement of this distinction, the
fame had belonged to one Peter b.
Rush, and it appeared that he could
never be robbed OF the reputation
which he had laboriously acquired.
but after few years of con.
test, Peter b. Rushs warmost
admirers were forced to acknowI.
edge that the palm belonged to
Dan Miters. What handy man, was
Miters when acomparison was needed
What an encouragement to innova-
tionl A man, in speaking OF some
one who was stupidity influenced by
liquor. was no longer under the nGdas-
slty OF saying that he was as drunk
as the disreputable canine associate
OF the fiddleE but simply fulfilled all
demands by affirming that ha WIS, as
drunk as Dan Miters.
SeEi0usly-and unfortunately we
are all compelled to be serious at
tlmes-the man OF twenty-five. whose
education had not been neglected was
at forty-five, hopeless vagabond,
with every hope trampled into the
mud away down the road behind him.
He did odd Jobs, cleaned out cellars,
and cut fire-wood for scolding women.
One day, when he appeared to be
soberer than usual, the mayor OF the
village thus addressed him:
'Dan, | would like to know some
thing about your life.
"And /, sir" Dan replied, "would
like to know something about my
death"
"You are a funny fellow, DAN"
mo doubt OF it, sir. A corpse has
been known TO grim
Come, don't talk that way. You
have been here now about twenty
years and none oil us know where you
were born"
"And do You really want to know
where | was born?"
eyes, I'd like to know"
"Well sir, was born in the night"
"There you 60 again. Say, do you
know that ifyou would braceu up there
is yet time for you to accomplish
something"
eyes? But you have tried, and what
have you Accomplishment
"Why, | own good house and lot
Il am married and have family OF
interesting children
els that all?"
"But isn't tha.t enough?"
Hardly, for you have not taught