Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1891-04-02
PiTH AND POINT.

Kind words never die; unkind words
| don't die, either.-Somerville journal
| The man Who helps himself will be
well taken care Off he is caught
| Elmira Gazette.
| is there any politeness exceeding
| that of a tailor whose bill has just been
paid?-Somerville Journal.
What is generally meant by pro-
nounced failure, deah boy?'' 1.-The way
you speak English. st. Joseph News.
If some one should discover coun-
try where people can't remember, is
there any one in the world who would
| not try to go there?-Atchison Globe.
There might be an able controversy
sustained as to which needs protection
the most, the American author or the
American reading public. Washington
Post.
Somehow a man can display much
more wisdom in giving advice on what
is past ID can't be helped than in tell
ing wha. .hould be done in the future
Atchison Globe.
you snored terribly in church last
Sunday. You set everybody talking"
Eyes; | resemble Byron" y don't I'M
derstand.' Il woke and found myself
famous. IN. y. Sun.
"A Point of View.-May-'Wh on
earth made you refuse Lord Sideboard's
offer?" Ethel-'Well, it's bad enough
to be called lady by policemen and
ticlset-choppers without legalizing the
epithet. N. Y. Sun.
City Parson-'I have been appointed
missionary to the heather and -"
Chorus of Parishioners-''You are not
going to leave us, are you?" City Par
son-''No; they told me to stay just
where 1 was."-N. Y. Herald.
"A Reasonable Inference.
Bashaw of Tangier. 1 understand,
weighs over four hundred pounds, re-
marked Trotter. 'Then he ought to be
of more weight than he is in interna-
tional affairs" replied Keedick.
The Last Hope Gone.-A secret so
ciety of cooks has been organized. This
trying to find out what becomes of all
the groceries might as well throw up
the sponge and quit.-Ram's Horn.
Took Her at Her Word.-Lady of
the House-''I'll give you just five min
utes to get out out of here Tramp
give minutes ?'' Lady of the House
'Yes, 1 say, five minutes" Tramp
''Then guess I'll take seat and wait"
Harvard Lampoon.
Honesty Was the Best Policy
Wife-"How honest of you to return
that five dollars your employer paid you
by mistake" Husband-''Yes, honesty
is the best policy. 1 am positive he
overpaid me in order to test my hon
esty."-Yankee Blade.
They Couldn't Stand It.-An east
ern doctor experimental with lot of
monkeys to see how they would stand
tight-lacing, and every one of them
died in short meter. Can it be that they
grieved themselves to death because
they were compelled to make fools of
themselves
"A Position Proved.-''I maintain
asserted Mr.. Gongoslin, in the course of
an argument, that the face is not an
infallible guide to determine the mind"
81 think you must be right assented
Miss Ophelia, ''for any one who did not
know you would think from glance at
your face that you was rather intelli-
gent"
-Maud-"Ethel is very conceited."
Cholly-'I never thought her So"
Maud-''But she is. She told me last
night the names of all the fellows who
proposed to her last summer Cholly
very much embarrassed)- "I-er-am
afraid I-er-must be going. Impor-
tant engagement. Goodnight. "-Har
per's Bazaar.
"A New School.-A Chicago woman
boldly advertises in the newspapers that
she stands ready to teach single ladies
or classes 1.-The art of fibbing with flu
ency and grace" She may get few
stray pupils, who want some finishing
touches, but "'the art is one that wom-
ankind always possessed and always
made frequent use of.-Detroit Free
Press.
Dark Days Ahead.-Stranger Ito
Arizona Citizen)-"What's wrong in
this town? It's as quiet as a grave
yard" A. ca big calamity, stranger.
Col. Bill1s is dead, and don't see how
we'll get along without him. Stran-
ger-"Why? Was he necessary to the
town." A. C.-"Necessary? He was the
only man in these partsSvho could make
a hangman's knot. IN. Y. Ledger.