Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1891-09-06
Mr. AND MRS. BOVSER
METHOD PURSUED By TN AMlLBLl LORD
AND xASTIR
Whsu Mr.. Bowser Falls Out Of Bed in the Morning
There is Sure to Be Row Of Some Kind
Graphic Details Of the Latest
Broil.
II. Quad.

/
OF his back, with his hands locked un
der his neck and the bedclothe
wrapped around him like some gan
mummy.
"Mr. Bowser!"
No answer.
''Mr. Bowser!'
"Um!"
"Mr. Bowser, 20 you know what time
1t lisp"
"U-m-m-m"
"Come, breakfast will be ready before
you are. You w,nted to get away q
| little earlier this morning."
"Whaz mazher'"
"Come-wake right up"
"Lemme 'lonev
"Mr. Bowserr'
He opens his eyes, turns over with a
grunt and grow, and 10 minutes aft
er she has gone downstairs he carefully
sits up in bed Ee is all there. Then
he kicks the clothes down with his
leg-then with hi left-knocks his pill
low of on the flor, and ''sorter" falls
out after it with Q growl like some old
sore-backed bear trying to crawl
through rail-fene. Ten minutes lat
Mrs. Bowser feelsthe house shake and
hears voice calling:
"Mrs. Bowser, ere you alive or dead!'
"What is it. deG?"
Don't 'what-isit-dear' me-"
"Is this dime nuseum, cider-mill or
the home of Woodworking, respect
able man?"
what is it?" sic asks as she arrives
on the scene Of tn total disaster.
"Look-a-ther, Mrs. Bowser-look
-a-there!" he harseIy whispers as he
holds out a pair 3 suspenders In his
hand.
"Yes-I see. You broke 'em about a
month ago and maded 'em with piece
of string. They've busted again. Gro
ahead and get on sour collar and I'll fix
'em. There they re, and you'd better
buy new pair today"
"Some mightylueer things around
this housed. he mEters, as he buttons
them on. "Them suspenders was all
right when l went to bed last night.
Next time you wat to play circus take
piece of cloths line. Where's my
front collar-buttoP"
"You must haw 1lirted 1t out when
you drew on your hirt. Here 1t is"
after this who you go prowling
around at night wish you'd leave my
things alone! IfPou want collar-but-
tons just say so an I'll buy you cart
load!"
Here's your cohr, dear"
1t is beautifully;lean and white, but
he looks at 1t and aowls. tits one OF a
dozen he had madtio order, and fits him
to perfection, but ! is no sooner button
ed than he gives itsl hitch and bunch
and yank and roai out:
"By the great HIM spoon! but. can /
never get a collar TO NJ me! It's Dau
enough TO have oEear an old rag OF
shirt, let alone hatng my throat cut
with such collars!'
"But they were ride to measure, you
know"
Measure! measue! Do you suppose
there's a shirt-m&er on earth VINO
knows enough to misure mans neck?
The COMPOUNDED coss-eyed idiot prob
ably thought / wlted to button 'em
onto my ears!"
Mrs. Bowser APPLIES the soothing
syrup and the third collar is allowed TO
remain. He growls over his hectic, but
gets it on after awhile, and is then ready
to inquire:
81 suppose the gil In the kitchen is
using my tooth-bruh for poker, isn't
she! I'd Just like the public to know
how this house is Nn! It's no wonder
that so many Husbands walk of and are
never heard of again.
There's your toothbrush right in
front of your nose' replied Mrs. Bow
ser.
"Oh! it is! MIghY funny how it got
there all at once Hair-brush isn't
down In the coal-bir, is it?"
"Its right there N plain sight. No
one ever disturbs your things, Mr..
Bowser."
"They don't, eh! Didn't nobody get
I'D in the night and throw my shoes out
into the yard, suplose?"
"Of course not"
"Then where are hey? took them
off right here. but tley are gone! Such
a system of housekeeping! People won
der that strong men become insane, but
there is a cause for, Mrs. Bowser-a
cause for it. somttlmes"-
"You took your sloes of down stairs
last night. Your feet ached and you sal
in your stocking fee"
"And those shoes were not deliber
ately picked up this morning and car
ried down there?"
lot course not. Are you ready?"
81 suppose so. Ifnot, I'll have to 81
lam. | can't expect any one to care
whether have any comfort or not. M
wonder I'm taken for a man IS year
oldr'
Three times a week, after Mr.. Bow
ser is in bed, Mrs. Bowser removes the
buttons from his shirt, places them in |
clean one and hangs the shirt over thu
back of chair. The other one is takel
away to the hamper 10 the clothes-press
and she remarks:
you'll find your clean shirt RICH
here when you get up.
Eyes"
Morning comes and Mr. Bowser get
| ont of bed. He feels around with hi
feet; no shirt. He paws around undo
the bed; no shirt.
"Now, why on earth did that womal
20 and take my shirt downstairs" b
growls as he gets up and goes hunting
By-and-by be finds the clothes-press
then he finds the hamper; then he fshe
ND the shirt and continues:
"It's either got TO stop. or / leave
Talk about system? Why, that woma
knows no more about housekeepin
than bootjack! There 1t is again
not one single button in my shirt Mr.,
Bowser. Hello, down there"
"Yes-yes. What's the matter, MI
Bowser,"
Matter. Matter" he hoarsely whii