The Bossier banner., 1891-12-24
HE KNEW 1T ALL.
The Professor of Universal KnowledRS
Meets His Glasses.

The Professor of Universal Knowledge
Meets His Glasses.
The Hon. Carlyle Smith. P. o. O.,
having been called to the Chair of Uni
versal Knowledge by the trustees Of
the Kennebunkport University, met his
classes for the first time the other day.
''If the young gentlemen have any
questions to ask, said he, after he made
his bow, Il wish they would begin. 1
find that the best way to impart mis-
cellaneous information, of which uni
versal knowledge is largely made up, is
to have students elicit facts by soliciting
statistics"
who were the chilly saints, pro-
fessor?" asked a mild-maunered youth,
with long red mustache.
THE Chilly Saints, returned the
professor promptly, ''were three in
tiumber-St. Pankeitius, ST. Liberatus
and St. Servatius. Their names are not
mentioned prominently among the more
fashionable saints of the Holy Writ,
whence is derived their chill. 1t was
cold day when they were left. They
are celebrated on May II, 10 and IS,
and are held responsible by agricul-
turists for the annual running of the
peach crop by frost, which, IF you have
observed closely, occurs at about that
period of the year. Nextw
81 have heard frequent mention of
the Long Parliament, professor" said a
student from Hobol1en, who was much
interested in politics. Can you in
form me as to what that was?"
Certainly, sir" returned the pro-
fessor. "The Long Parliament met on
the third day of November, 1910, but
soon got into hot water with Cromwell,
who managed to dissolve it Sn 1853. 1t
abolished everything but itself, and
made a square effort to maize itself i'm
mortal but was unsuccessful, owing,
as have said, to the fact that it got
into hot water, which is fatal to genius,
upon which alone Immortality may
rest"
Thank you," observed the student
| from Hobolzen. That clears away
misapprehension under which l have
| been laboring for some time. / thought
| perhaps the billion-dollar congress was
the long parliament, but l perceive
that there is distinction where there
would seem to be no difference"
WAS Dido related to Eneas?" asked
| a special student who had left Harvard
for his health.
YES" returned the professor.
"Eneas promised Dido that she should
be sister to be him, and the record
shows that H1neas always fulfilled his
contracts. Anything more?"
How do you pronounce Popocata-
petl?" asked the captain of the football
team.
volcanic" f" said the professor, with
| glance at his watch.
much obliged, sir, returned the cap,
tain Of the football team; but meant,
what do you consider the proper pro.
nunciation of the word?'"
"Worcester's," said the professor.
And what is that?" queried the cap
tain, persistently.
Really, my dear SIR" demonstrated
the professor. you should remember
that this is not primary class. You
ought to have known before entering
college that that is in this instance a
pronoun.
II should like to be informed, pro-
fessor," said the matter-of-fact stndent
from Camden, from what the term
His Nibbs' is derived"
81 am glad you have asked me that
question, because it enables me to inn
part to you bit of information which
has hitherto escaped the Argus eye OF
the educated world His Nibbs' is a
term of Indian manufacture-thou
not derived from any Indian word-and
signifies serene highness. 1t was ap-
piled by them first to William Penn,
the title Nibbs being suggested by the
famous Qlaker's surname. l prefer
that you should keep silent, however,
on this topic for souRe weeks. Yet, since
the information which have given you
is entirely original with myself, and
owing to the fact that my library is
now stored beyond my reach in Cali
fornia, along with my shaving materials
and spring overcoat, have been un.
able to adduce the evidence | desire to
establish my theory beyond preadven'
ture.''
And then as the professor dismissed
his class he sighed heavily.-N. Y.
| World