The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1891-01-22
PuNoEnT PARAGRAPHS.

PuNoENT PARAGRAPHS
Tho laziest boy in school Is always
closest to the head Of the procession
whom the circus il In town.-BinRham.
ton Leader.
-Careful.-.'COme out and take :
walk" mo. the sky Is gray, and gray
is not becoming to. me."-.Fliegende
Batter.
Very Odd. They dress children
very prettily and 80 oddly nowadays !"
Eyes. they do All the little children
look like pen-wipers." IN. Y. Sun.
But why do you want to marry
her?' because i love her!" my
dear fellow, that's An excuse-not =
reason. Saturday Evening Post
First Literary Character-''You'v
been stealing my ideas" Second Lit
erary Character-"That's all right I
couldn't sell them. The Epoch
An Ideal Wife-Dear child, the din.
ner to-day is absolutely UNBEATABLE. -
well. surely. Charles, you. did not
marry me for the sake Of eating. -
Fliegende Batter.
-He that putteth money in his purse
is liable to be robbed, but he that en-
richeth bis mind putteth wealth where
the sandbagger can not come 1T it.
Rams Horn.
-''Why do they call the boys in the
galleries the gods. Mr.. Tragediccs?''
ITO distinguish them from the devils
who sit in the orchestra chairs and write
criticisms. "-Boston Courier.
The man who ''never can find time
to do any thing you ask of him may
generally be seen looking out at the
window when there is brass band going
through the street-Somerville Jour-
nal.
What pretty girl Jimsou's typo
writer must be, unused Watts ...Inever
saw such an outrageous lot Of misspelled
words in business letter before in all
my days"-Indianapolis Journal.
-Dick-''Why couldn't Harry 90 to
the theater with US to-night?" Ton
"He couldn't possibly come; had to
write the criticisms of the plays ,or
to-morrow's Crimson. and have them in
by eight o'clock. ~ Harvard LampoDn.
-"Aint they rather strange names
for dogs?'' mot at all. I've named
them for their literary suggestivene %.
I call one Edwin brood because his Tail
is cut of short. and the other Howells."
-Philadelphia Times
The newspapers are forever speak.
ing of ''the blushing BRIDE" Well,
when you reflect upon the kind Of hus.
band not few of the brides marry, you
can not wonder that they should blush.
Boston Transcript
"A Small Matter.-Mrs. Forundrid-
Horrors! Halt dozen words in you.
note to Mrs. Society are misspelled."
Miss Torundrid-'O, that don't matter.
She can see by the coat of-arms on our
stationery that we're all right"-N. Y.
Weekly.
Mrs Kawler-''Your husbands ser.
mon was beautiful and eloquent down
to certain point. this morning, but
after that it seemed to lose all its fire
and earnestness. and was dull and pro-
saic." Mrs. K. Horter-"Yes, that's
where he dipped his pen into the mucil
age bottle. boston Traveller.
Young Clergyman-"We shouldn't
prepare sermons" Old Ditto-"Why
not?" Young Clergyman-''The Bible
says that the Lord will put words into
our mouths" Old Ditto-'I guess YOU
are right And If the Lord doesn't put
the words in our mouths some bright
reporter will."-N. Y. Herald.
The day he caught the big fish,
Hurly-"Do you remember the day you
borrowed five dollars from me?" Burly
mo. don't remember any thing about
/ it." Hurly-"Don't you know. it was
the day you caught the big fish," Burly
10, yes, I recollect all about it now. "
Yankee Blade.
His Last Request Tramp -
MADAM, you will remember that yes
terday when called upon you I had \
small vial of arsenic concealed and that
you coaxed the poison away from me
and gave me large hunk of your pie?"
Kind Lady, remember very we'll;
and now I suppose you want another
piece Of pie?' Tramp-"No, don't; 1
want the arsenic. IN. Y. Sun.
"A Lady's Opinion. Only Son
''Mamma, what does good traits mean?"
Fond Mamma-''Good traits? Is thatex-
preston in the new book gave you?"
Nom. Mrs. De Fashion used it when
she was talkin' about me to Mrs De
Style" did she? Mrs. De Fashion is
lady, every inch Of her. Did she say
you were full Of good traits?' Nom.
She said hadn't Good News