The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1891-07-18

1.-The road may be, as our contemporary
says, q humbug; but our aunt isn't bald
headed, and ace haven't got one-cyed
sister Sal! Wonder if the Editor of
the EaJlc of Freedom sees it:'' This
used up the Eagle Of Freedom Teller, be
cause his aunt's head does present u
skinned appearance, and his sister
SARAH is very much Onc-eyed, For q,
gcntcel home-thrust, Mr.. SLINKERs has
few ckals.
Twas fixin' myself up to attend the
great war meetin', when my daughter
entered with q young man who was evil
ient,y from tho city, and who wore long
hair. :''.l had II wild expression into l.;s
eye. In one hand be carried = port
folio, and in his other paw claspt q
bunch Of small brushes. Ny danghtea
introduced him as Mr.. SwE1D1Er. the
distinguished landscape painter irum
Philadelphy.
"Ile ID u artist, papa. Here is oi,e OF
his masterpieces young mother g.z.
In Admiralty upon her FIRST born" ami
my daughter showed me really petty
picter done in lie. us it not beautiful.
papa? He throws 60 much soul into HE
work."
"Does he? does hep said I-"well. l
reckon I'd better hire him to whitew:,sl
our fence. It needs it. What will you
charge, sill" continued, Ito throw some
soul into my fencey'
My daughter went out Of the room in
very short meeter, takin' the artist WITH
her, and from the emphatical manner in
which the door sla,n'd concluded she
was summat Disguised at my remarks.
She closed the door, I may say. in italics.
went into the closet and larfed all nlonc
by myself for over half an hour. Ilarfcd
20 vi'lently that the preserve jars ratified
like a cavalry offisser's sword and things,
which it aroused my BETSY, who came
and opened the door pretty student. She
seized me by the few lonely hairs that
still linger sadly upon my bare-footed
he'd, and dragged me out of the closet,
incidentally Observing that she didn'l
exactly see why she should be compelled.
at her advanced stage Of life, to open
ASYLUM for sooperanooated idiots.
Ny wife is one of the best wimin or.
this continent, altho' she isn't always
gentle as lamb, with mint sauce. No,
not always.
But to return to the war meetin'. Il
was largely attended The Editor of the
Bugle arose and got up and said tho f:.c.
could no longer be disguised that we
were involved in war. Human gore.
said he, sis howir'. All able bodied mel
should seize musket and march to the
tented field. l repeat it, sir, to the
tented field"
A voice-"Why don't you go yourself,
you old blow hard?''
II am identified, young man, with
Arlsylnedian leaver which moves the
world" said the Editor, wipiny his uu-
burn brow with his left coat tail: II al.
lude. young man, to tho press. Terms,
two dollars u year, invariably in advance.
job printing executed with neatness ant
dispatch!' And with this brilliant bus:
of elelsance the Editor introduced Mr.. j.
Brutus Hinkins, who is sufferln from an
attack of College il q naberin' place. Mr.. !
Hinkins said Washington was not safe.
Who can save our national capeetle?
''DAN SETcuELL," said. ''He can dc,
it afternoons. Let him plant his light
and airy form onto the Long Bridge.
make faces at the hirelin foe, and they'll |
all sledaddle! Old SErcH can do It,"
II call the Napoleon of Showmc,,."
said the Editor of the Buglc,-"I call
that Napoleonic man, whose life is
adorned with SO many noble virtues,
and whose giant mind lights up this
warlike scene-1 call him to order"
l will remark, in this connection.
that tho Editor of the Bugle does my job
printing.
''You," said Mr.. Hinkins. "who live
away from the bus> haunts of men dc
not comprehend tho lnaynitood of thu.
crisis. The busy haunts of men is where
People comprehend this crisis. We who
live in the busy haunts Of man, that il;
to say. we dwell. as it were, in tho busy
haunts of men,
II really trust that the gent'rman will
not fail to say suthin' about tho lusv
haunts of men before he sits down."
said l.
II claim the right to express my senti.
ments here" said Mr.. Hinkins, in a
slightly indignant tone. land shall,
brook no interruption. il am a Soft.
more"
"You couldn't be more soft, my young
friend, observed, whsreupon acre was
cries Of "Orler! order!'
II regret can't mingle in this strife
sud the youn:. man.
"You might inlist Us liberty pole."
said l in silvcry whisper.
But" he added. 81 have II voice. and