Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-08-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A bald headed mans hair is like fool
and his money.
Never attempt to sit down in chair
that isn't there.
Banker Wales is reported seriously enl-
barrassed. .-Boston Herald.
Poems on ''washday" should be called
clothes lines. -Dansoale Breeze.
Magistrates have great many fine op-
portunities in life. Philadelphia Times.
The man who stole the chicken made
q clean breast of it.-B0ston transcript.
A tunnel must be completed before it
can be called under way.-Etnsir@ Ga
eette.
Some mems talent for discovery Is al
together in the line of fault finding
Boston Courier.
Many men do not smoke, yet there are
but few who object to an occasional putt.
-Lo,oeU Courier.
1t would not be wise 10 suppose that
the floating population lives entirely on
water-St0tesmaa.
If man tries to be just to himself he
will begin to have trouble with his
friends. .-Atchison Globe.
A man is willing that woman should
have the last word if only she says
''Yes. "-Someroitle Journal.
Tom--"Do you believe in hero-wor
ship, Jack9" Jack-''No, but | do in
heroine worship. - Yankee Blade.
He Was Loaded: Judge-''What the
prisoner charged with?" Officer
"Whisky, yer honor. ."-HarOard Lam
poon.
Mudge-"rd much rather man called
me knave than fool" Yabsley-
"Of course. It's the truth that hurts"
--Ladionapolis Journal.
A Bad Shot: He-'I have never yet
met the woman thought could marry"
She-"No, they are very hard to please,
as a rule. ."-L5te's Calendar.
They say that have cut "A tooth,
But why cannot see
If they would only heed the truth,
They'd see that it cut me-
--Harper'S Bdzdr.
'Several important steps quickly
TAKEN" murmured the young man when
the girls father helped him over the
front door Sill Washington Post.
'What is unselfshness?" asks a sub
scriber. "Unselishness is one of the
rarest qualities in the world to find in
anyone else. ."-New York Recorder.
Mother, may go out to swim"
You do, il you dare, my son;
And then I'll take hickory limb
To dry you, sure as gunp'
-NeiU York Journal
''Is it true that graduate soon for
gets what he has learned at colleges"
"No, sir; it is not. l can play football
just as well now as when was at Yale"
Puck.
.sWho isthat weazened looking little
man with the squeaky voice on the plat
folml" "That's the grand supreme die
tator of the Royal Panjandrums. "-S.
Louis Republic.
"What is that2" said visitor, as the
street. "That," replied the Western
man, ''s one of the latest ideas in rabid
transit. - Washington Post.
Miss Fussanfeather-'I like to see a
girl stick to her colors." Young Grim
sonbeak brushing the paint from his
nose)-"So do 1 and like to see her
colors stick to her rW-Statesnaan.
Mrs. neutrality-suspicious., what do
you think is the matter with me2" Doc
tor II am inclined to think your blood
is not pure. I'll have to give you some
thing to purify your blood" Mrs. Bond
clipper (haughtily)-"You are probably
not aware that belong to one of the old
Dutch families of New York. ."-Ieras
Sytings.
"Cyrus," said his wife, as he came in
wearily and threw himself on the lounge
after an evening downtown, ~ wish you
would let politics alone. The excitement
and worry are just running your health"
81 can't help it, Emily" replied the Al
derman from the S'teenth Ward. II am
not in politics for my health. = Chicago
Tribune.
Brobson-"You look all broken up,
old man. What's the matter2" Craik-
~ called on Miss Pruyn last night, and
no sooner had entered the parlor than
her mother appeared and demanded to
know my intentions" Brobson--"That
must have been rather embarrassing"
Craik-"Yes, but that was not the
worst. just as the old lady finished
speaking Miss Pruyn shouted down
stairs: Mamma, mamma, he isn't the
one pr. -Noao York Sun.