The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-10-07
WORSE THAN A GATLING.
WHAT AN UMBRELLA GAN DO IN
A CARELESS WOMAN'S HAND.

In Spite of Countless Lectures, Fair
Pedestrians Continue to Inhict Sc
rious Wounds on the Persons and
Fatal Injnries on the Morals of Those
They Nest.
From the Chicago Tribune.
It is singular fact that notwithstanding
the prOdigious amount of instruction they
have received, women-that is, average
women-have not yet learned to carry UNI
brellas and parasols in manner satisfact-
DRY to the unarmed pedestrian with a sell
fish interest in the preservation of life and
limb.
Much has been said and more written on
the snbject-partly in horUatory, partly in
q sarcastic vein-enough certainly to have
long since brought about reform. But a
morning walk upon any Of Chicago's BUSH
ness streets or visit to one of Chicago's
dry goods houses, where the shopping popu-
latlon congregates, affords sufficient evil
dence that women still cherish playful little
peculiarites in their relations with UNI
Lrellas.
More than a protection against rain and
sun, more even than dainty accessory to
the toilet, is the modern umbrella. 1t is
avenger, friend, and-if its handle be chic
and its covering irreproachable-a constant
companion as well. Women rely upon it to
get them through crowds, to make uncom-
Portable the possessori Of smarter bonnets
than their own, to shield themselves from
too inquisitive eyes, and to defend them
selves from insult il they happen to be be-
lated without other escort.
1t would be unreasonable indeed to quar-
rel with these manifesCly proper uses to
which umbrellas are daily put Their
abuses are tho chief causes of grievance and
the occasion OF more than one remark to
the effect texpletives omitted that women
| should no more be trusted with umbrellas
| then babies with nitro-gl ycerine."
All prejudces aside, isn't it a little trying
not to be able to pursue the even, peaceful
! tenor of ones way on city thoroughtare
| without being punched violently in the ribs
| by the woman who throws her Darasol non
| chalantly over her arm, or cracking ones
knees over the umbrella Of that other per-
son who thinks she is taking proper care Of
it if it merely makes an angle of As with
the train Of her bell skirts
Some women are even conscious of their
shortcomings. 1.-THE only time | was ever
sworn at-yes, actually sworn AZ" said
bright Chicago girl, was i'll the midst of
miserable sleetstOrm early last spring, and
l must say richly deserved it. 1t was Bit
terly cold afternoon. had been over TO
the North Side and got absolutely chilled
through on the cable returning from my
call OF course | as in hurry to get home
aud comf0rted myself with visions Of an
open fire and a hot cup Of tea. for numb,
aching fingers and q general sense Of misery
Now am not ordinarily rude or thought
less, | thiuk but will confess that l tore
down Monroe street that afternoon at
perfectly reckless gait, my umbrella held
well in front Of me to shield my face from
the cutting wiod and the hail l didn't ex-
actIY court disaster, but | was desperate
enough not to care what happened.
miraculously escaped decapitating two
children and knocking a dear old gentle
man into the gutter, but just as l turned
the corner at Wabash avenue a cold
sleety stretch of my umbrella came vio-
lently into contact with the neck of a man
ahead Of me. just between his coat collar
and his hair. Can't you imagine how his
spinal cord resented the shock? l could,
and when he turned and remarked with cold
elaboration You blessed FOOL promptly
replied II know it" aud walked sadly-and
slowly away, IL never occurred to me
until long after ward that there was any ex.
cuse for the immoderate laughter Of my
family whom | told them about it."
Just at the meeting of State and Madison
streets the other day a woman who didn't
at all mean to offend against the rules Of
street courtesy stood looking wistfullv at
window where several new gowns we're dis.
played. Her parasol was held closely
against her side with f1nd-fault- with-me-
if yOu-oan air. But, alas, the tip protrudec
just tri1e-enough, however, to scratch
cruelty the arm OF little girl who wal
brushed against 1t by the crowd, and who
In consequence went sobbing down the
street, refusing to be comforted
Another woman on the same corner bore
away triumphantly over her shoulder q
child's hat, caught up by the aggressive
ferule of her sunshade. A third business.
like young person inspired apprehension
and dismay in the hearts Of all who sa "
her by grasping an umbrella firmly in the
middle and carrying it at right angles with
her bodye
Two women only of all who thronged
through either street had sufficient regard
for the feelings of their fellow-men to carry
their umbrellas parallel to their bodies. One
was O TRIM we'll gowned young girl, whose
taut little hat, neat little shoes, immaculate
gloves, and dsintily-lifted skirts proclaimed
tue fact that never in the entire course of
her serene existence had she offended against
the proprletles.
Inc OUDer was SLOuG anu sIOlu marker
woman, who held the bullying family shell
ter, handle downward, and moved along
| with clear conscience and rolling gait.
In the shops there is even m1ra depress-
ing state of things. Fair shoppers lean
umbrellas against counters for the unwary
to stumble over. jab eacn other viciously
with bristling ends, and make saleswomens
| lives q burden by laying them dripping on
| fiue goods.
On the whole, the loudlv-expressed opin-
| lou Of 4 masculine sufferer is not without
| foundation. He says: Not even the cable
cars cause greater number Of accidents
and Inconvenience than do umbrellas in
| the irresponsible hands of the gentler sex''-
u statement strong enough to warrant the
| lynching of oil women who are
not blameless in this respect. The same
grumbler asserts that the time is not far dis
tant. unless there Is a radical change, when
parasols, like poisons, will not be sold with
| out an order or a recommendation from a
responsible sgent, who can vouch for the
common sense and the consideration of the
| would>be purchaser; that he for one is will
log to make the matter political issue, a
| plank IN his party's platform.