Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1891-09-23
Two Of a Kind.

still he did not come.
If you want TO know who am allow
me to inform you that my name is
George III. Boomerang, better known
in Farzedona, where l reside, as Capt.
Boomerang, late of the army. am a
man of considerable wealth, own the
finest house in town, and keep, or did
keep, a man by the name of Sam,
whose duty it was to brush my clothes
hat and boots, and adjust my leg.
L refer TO a wooden leg. The orig
inal leg ran against cannon-ball dur
ing opr late unpleasantness, and have
neveRseen it since.
Well, it was Sans duty TO take
that wooden leg off at night ,3d TO be
at hand again in the morning to put it
on before / got out of bed, snd now
you know why L was yelling "Sam!
Saml Saml" And when inform you
that this was the morning of my we'd
ding day perhaps you can imagine how
anxious l was to get on TO my legs as
soon as possible.
Yes; | was tie lucky fellow that
had walked into the affections-on a
wooden leg, too--of the haudsomest
girl in Farzedona, and was that day to
lead her to the altar. But l must get
my leg on first, and as Sam wouldn't
or couldn't come 1 rolled out of bed
and went hopping around on one foot
TO find it.
Well, Samuel didn't come, but my
housekeeper, Mrs. Brown, did.
Mrs. Brown" l cried, "where is
Sam?"
She answered me through the key
hole of the door.
"He left the house last night about
eleven o'clock-took his trunk with
him, and said he was going to leave
town by the midnight train"
"Gone! Why didn't you tell me?"
''He said you knew all about it."
"Why, cOnfound it, woman, didn't
know anything about It'll Further
more, ma'am, the scamp has carried
of my leg, and '"ft one in place of it
which is certainly a foot and a half
too short"
"Oh, what will yo do?r
"That's just what : should ike to
know, ma'am," sai9 staring fixedly
at the leg.
"And it's your wedding day" said
she.
(Which is just what makes this little
difficulty of mine intensely interesting"
said |.
"Oh, isn't there some way for you
to surmount the difficulty?"
II can surmount pair of crutches,"
said |; ''but hang it, ma'am, l don't
want to be married on crutches!"
''It's awful to think of, cried Mrs
Brown. And then I heard her leave
.he door and go slowly downstairs.
"To be married at 2 o'clock, in
church, and only a leg and a half to
stand on!" l groaned.
''Oh, Samuel! Sam! don't see how
you could have bad the heart to do it,"
| couldn't understand it at first. 1
had always used Sam well, paid him
good wages, and he had seemed per-
fectly coutented with the situation,
and served me faithfully until now.
Suddenly an idea struck me, and the
whole cause of Sans perfdy was re-
yesled to me.
"By heavens, it is Slympkinsl" l
yelled. Slympkins is the cause of
ali my woe. He bribed Sam to steal
my leg, on this, my wedding day, and
leave his insufficient prop in place of
It,"
Now, it is very natural to suppose
that the reader would like to know
who Slympkins is, and if he will only
be patient | will endeavor to enIighten
him.
Jim Slympkins is or was my rivaI.
He is about my own age (thirty-two),
and is the only son of his father, who,
by the way, is the most wealthy gen
tleman in FarzedOna. Consequently,
Jim doesn't do anything but smoke
cigars, drive about town behind his
splendid grays, and devote himself to
the ladies generally.
Unfortunately for Slympkins, his
choice happened to be mine also; and
when he concentrated his affections, |
did the same, and before he had an op-
portunity to offer his heart, L laid
mine at her feet, and she accepted it
and gave me hers in return.
Yes, l had won her, and poor Slymp-
kins was fairly wild with rage. He
had sworn to be revenged, but l
laughed at his threats. You see, I
didn't know then how he was going to
be revenge
I saw it now very distinctly, on this
the morning Of my wedding day, and
/ rocked myself to and fro in my chair
and groaned, and bedewed that short
wooden leg with my tears; and said
10 myself, in my rage towards Slymp-
kins, that l would enforce the old
Mosaic law, and take an eye for an
eye, tooth for tooth, and leg for
leg.
/ was seated at the breakfast tabl.
slipping my coffee half an hour after
wards when Mrs. Brown came ru hing
in, crying: "Oh, Captain, 1 know all
about it."
"What-the leg?
"Yes, 1 think so. Ny daughter
Eliza says she saw Mr.. Slympkins give
Sam some money last night"
Eyes, knew it was Slympkins."
"More than that, Sam was married
last night to Miss Seymour's maid,
and they went off together by the u
O'Clock train
''But, my dear woman" said |, "I
don't care anything about whom he has
marrid, or where ne has gone. The
question is, has he carried my leg With
him?"
"Why, I'm sure don't know"
"Well, that is just what l want to
know, maam. This isn't a time for
trifing. You must remember that I'm
to be married to-day; and, by Jove, l
want my leg!"
"Why don't you ask Mr.. Slympkins
for it?''
eyes, and be laughed at. No,
don't intend to let him know anything
about the trouble he has caused me. Be
sides, L don't believe he has got it."
"But what are you going 10 do"
"Why, just as soon as l finish nv