davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner., 1891-10-15
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

have a pressing engagement almost
every night.-Dallas News.
Time heals everything. There is
nothing a man can get so much real
enjoyment out of as contemplating the
misery he suffered ten years ago be-
cause some girl Tilted him. = N. Y.
Recorder.
Dentists Never Do.-"Are you sure
you can put my teeth into satisfactory
condition." Dentist-"Yes, sir; at any
rate, will spare no pains to do so."-
Yankee Blade
-McFingle-''I saw an advertisement
of billiards. store in the papers this
morning" McFangle-'I thought he
never advertised. He told me so, and
said he never would" McFingle-''He
didn't. 1t was in the list of sheriffs
sales. Boston News
whats the quarrel between you
and Hawkins?" "Well, Hawkins is a
man who will never sit on a chair if he
can set on a table. He came to see me
with his new summer suit on and-well,
there was fly paper on the table" - N.
Y. Sun.
Servant Girl-'Isn't the lieutenant
paying his addresses to you, Fraulein?'
''Why, what an impertinent question"
Not at all only want to know
whether it's his object to try and make
fools of us both. "-Fliegende Blatter.
-Esculapius-"Well, my little man,
what can do for you?" Cupid-'T
want something to cure lame arm.
The summer girl has kept me SO busy
shooting hearts for her that l am in
danger of being laid up by overworl1. "
N. Y. Herald.
-"Jane, saw that policeman speak
to you. That's the third policeman I've
seen speaking to you this morning. 1
can't allow that" ''No, ma'am But
the policemen always do admire baby
so-they can't 'elp stoppin' and as1in'
about i'm. They all say as they never
see such fine child Punch.
dot boy of mine ish going to make
a goot business man." said Mr. Beck
stein. Yesterday I toldt him l vas
going to leave all my property to him
ven died, und vot you s'pose he say to
dot?' II don't know, Mr.. Beckstein." 4"
''Vell, he say he will throw off per
cent. for spot cash.-Detroit Free Press.
"A Bad Break.-Dr. Workum (wrath)
Where is the blooming chump who
put up that last prescription for Mr..
Shaker?" Druggist (humility)-''The
head clerk, sir; he has gone to dinner.
trust there is nothing wrong" DR..
Workum more wrath) = Nothing
wrong? Well, guess Why, the ass
put up quinine in those capsules by
mistake for sugar of milk, and Shaker
has got rid of that ague. ."-Pharmaceu-
teal Era.
You are determined he said with
sadness in his voice that was almost
pitiful, mot to change your mind. You
will be sister to me?" Yes" she
murmured Then" he proceeded, as
he showed his coat-sleeves down over
his wrists, I'm my capacity of brother
I shall formally object to the attentions
of any of your acquaintances, and take
active means to carry my objections
into effect. Washington Post.
Young Miss Blank, to try her young
mans fidelity, asked her intimate friend
to beg him to kiss her as he was taking
her home one evening. A few days
later Miss Blank met her friend, and
the following conversation occurred:
Ibid you ask John?" mo; didn't get
chance" ''Why?" "He asked me
6rst. ?" Choking with wrath, young
Miss Blank gasped: ''What did you
do?" ''Kissed him, of course. .''-Indi,
annapolis News
The Bossier banner., 1891-10-15
A Strange Question.

Mrs. Wickes (writing) Any message
to mother, Jack? a .ss
Jack Wickes-Yes, my dear; you
might send her my regards.
Mrs. Wickes (sweetly) )7-Shall men
ton how you regard her, dear?-Puck.
The Bossier banner., 1891-10-15
A Modest Request.

Passenger ION the Boston express) -
Porterg
Porter-Yes, sab.
Passenger : Will you ob1ige me by
stepping to the door and getting me :
glass of air.-Life.
The Bossier banner., 1891-10-15

an English invention that Is the won
dertul thing this time. Luke Sharp,
in Detroit Free Press ...
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
HAS COME TO STAY.

Undoubtedly there is desire among
sugar dealers, wholesale and retail, for
q share in the benefits of free sugar;
nor is the desire reprehensible. 1t gen.
orally is understood that sugar has been
sold with little or no profit To the deal :
er for many years past. So much su-
gar Is sold that very small percentage
of profit will make large aggregate.
Sugar now is about y cents cheaper to
the retail buyer than II WAS few days
ago, but the seller 10 making no more
profit that formerly. If sugar were
cheapened to the buyer by or Il cents
per pound and | or ] cent added 10 the
profits of the seller we do not think
that there would he just cause of COM
plant. But we do not believe that the
retailer will be able to realize his Justly
desired or J of profit. For sugar will
remain a "leading article" No COM
pact will prevent some large firm adj
vertisng "twenty-two pounds for dol
lar" and when one large firm does this
other firms will follow suit, and twenty
pounds will be the average price at
small stores and twenty two pounds at
larger ones. This seems TO be newt
able.
But, while we admit the justice of
the demand of the retailer or whole
saier for increased profit. we deny the
Justice of the claims of the retiner 10
an increased prIce. If It be true that
the refiners hsye been making LIS OF a
cent per pound on all sugars manufsc-
tured by them they still have been pay
ing dividends upon largely watered
capitals. Stock in the sugar trust sold
far above par until the courts made
war upon it. And the sugar trhst car
rcd A large volume of water IN Its
stock Sugar refining mas been proht-
able business. though eugar-sellsng has
not And IL the sugar refintTIes were
able TO pay dividends Epon wste.ed
stock when sugar sold at cents PEI
pound With a refiner's profit Of l-l5 OF
cent, they vii he able 20 pay largeI
dividends now that sugar Tetails At
cents. Tor the nnmter Of pounds sold
vili b. increased. and by consequence
the uamf~f Of i.lsths Of cent vii N
Increased. - tt,at the cry of the re
hnsfs sfoeses 10 sympsthy - hlcsgs
| Inter Ok esa-
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
JOHN FIsk y.

Many people do not realize that the
great and only John Fiske IL the man
who speaks at Hartman's. Thursday
evening. The management have taken
considerable risk IN going TO the great
expense necessary 10 get Mr.. Flake. but
feel that there ~ enough appreciation
of literary talent here TO warrant the
venture. Mr.. Fiske possesses a mind
and pen more powerfully versatile than
any American writer of the day, and
citizens who have heard him pronounce
him grand ss a lecturer. His works are
evidences of his breadth of learning,
VIZ: "OutIines of Cosmsc Philosophy, -
"DarwinisFn and Other Es.ays," Myths
and Myth Makers" THE Unseen
World and Other Essayr." Excursions
Of an Evolutionist," "Tbe Destiny Of
Nan, "The Idea Of God, !" ''The Crit
cal Periods IN American History, I"
"The Beginnings of New England. /"
civil Government Of the United
States" and "War of Independence. T"
He has two works announced for publ
cation TINS month. aud each IN two
volumes One will he history of the
American Revolution, and the other
viii hsve for a title The Discovery and
| spanish Conquest Of Americs" An
nouncement of hIs lecture vas made
| yesterday ia some OF the local churches
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
PLETENrIOUs IGNoRAMusEs.

"Mr. Winkle, you are humbug,
sir" says honest, straightforward Mr..
Pickwick, when he finds that his fol-
lowers claim TO a knowledge of the art
of skating is false and fraudulent.
Wrinkles abound in society; shallow fell
lows, who wish 10 be thought knowing,
and NIB despicably 10 conceal their lg-
norance instead of trying TO acquire the
information they are conscious OF lack
ing. Cant is not confined TO moral and
religious subjects. /: enters TO every
tblng-buslness, politics, literature, art
and science. Sometimes II originates
IN impudcnce. sometimes IN want of
moral backbone. Superficial swagger-
ers, who have picked up a few techni-
cal art-phrases, of which they
scarcely know the meaning, often palm
themselves OH upon credulous simple
tons as connoisseurs In painting, or
music, or architecture, or whatever
branch of the fine arts II is their "par-
ticular vanity" TO seem familiar with;
aud besides these there are moral pol
troons, who pretend TO take an interest
in matters 10 which they are utterly In
different, lest they be sneercd at for
want of taste. All honor to the ignor-
ant man who has the honor to say, II
am in the dark-enlighten me" and all
contempt for MIN who acquiesces IN
what he does not understand IN order
TO hide his shortcomings. Ask and We
shall receive, seek and We shall find,
knock and IT shall be opened unto
you" applies to the intellect as we'll ss
the soul, TO the ailment of the brain
and the door of the temple of kDowl-
edge, as we'll as to the bread of life and
the gate of Heaven.-Ex.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
cLkWY WEEKLY LETTER.


SEw ioKk, April ls.-During the
past week the stock market n2s retained
the improvement noted IN my last ad-
wees, 20 tar as respects activity and
speculative spirit; but /. mas been some-
what irregular - 70 prices As usual
N the beginning of campaign. there
has been = hitch IN getting the forces
into line and some confusing shifting
Of positions.
The hardening tendency in money 10
regarded as only transient and likely TO
be followed by free shipments of cur
reney from the interior TO this center.
The Improvement IN the business OF the
roads IN tho Granger section Is con-
slrued as hopeful symptom. and has
caused free buying IN securities OF that
class, and the statement of railroad
earnings for March show = continued
moderate gain upon the exceptionally
large business of last year; which IS
something better than was expected at
an earlier date. The really important
factor IN the situation, however, con-
Germs the prospects OF the grain crops.
Not only Is the acreage OF winter wheat
large, but It's condition. according 10 Of
ficlAl reports, Is much above the aver
age, and the current westher Is fayora-
BILE to- the development OF the plant.
The prospect of poor crops IN Europe
has induced n planting of spring wheat
on this side the Atlantic which prom
ises TO surpass all precedent III acreage.
and the weather is favorable to sowing
II under excellent conditions, while the
same remark app!ies to other crops.
Up to the present stage OF the season,
therefore, we have the promise not
only of good grain freights for the rail-
roads, but OF profitable harvest for
the farmars and = corresponding I'M
protement IN general business. The
marked revival IN the iron trade is con-
strued as favorable symptom as to the
general state of trade.
The latest news from Brazil contra
diets the unfavorable reports above re-
ferfed TO AS having helped to disturb
confidence IN the earlier part Of the
week, and gives assurances as to the
position of affairs at Buenos Ayres
which are calculated 10 produce u bet
ter feeling at Berlin and other European
centers. The advance in the Bank of
England rate of discount to q per cent.
appears TO have been due to the tenden-
cy OF gold to drift towards Berlin and
the bank having lost E600, 900 of gold
during the week. The change, however,
had been expected here and therefore
had no marked effect OH the market,
the more so as London q quotations for
Americans were strong. Yesterday,
London was a buyer of stocks. especial
ly of Missouri, Kansas 4 Texas securi-
ties. based upon the favorable reports
of the company's business.
The effect Of the 81, ,50O, 900 of gold
exports upon the reserve of the banks
has been largely offset by gain of ST..
SOC, 900 in their transactions with the
sub-treasury and of over $500, 900 on
the currency movement with the inter.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

Isserestisg sessiensef the Asw Labor os
gasizAtieH.

The Grocery Clerks Protective Asso-
cation held . meeting At Red Mems
hall yesterday afternoon. The meet
Ing MAS attended BY several members
OF the Central Labor Unlen, and Was .
secret one. Nobody but members Of
the above orders were permitted within
the sacred precincts OF their labyfin-
than quarters. There we're about sixty
clerks and iaborlDg men IN attendance.
After President Grant Galloway had
sounded the gayel summonlng the
brethren TO order, Secretary Jesse 3
Valentine read the minutes of the last
meeting. The document contained the
report OF committee that had visited
the gracefs with reference 10 closing
their stores at p. m. during the week
excepting Saturday. The report Was 10
the effect that the grocers demanded
Wednesday night also - "Wednesday 10
pay day In most of the manufacturing
institutions ana the railroads Wednes-
day night would be an accommodation
for settling accounts, etc. THIS request
from the groceIs has not been granted
but tie clerks have expressed their vii
ingness 10 grant We. nesday night dur
ing the tsso weeks preceding the Fourth
of July. aud throughout the falrs and
the holiday season. The members OF
the Labor Union assured the clerks as
sociation that whatever action 10 taken
by the clerks will receive their hearty
support. About twenty new members
were enrolled, and the time WAS con.
sumed in speech-making and laying out
the line of work 10 be done for the good
Of the order.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
ROMANCE OF TWO BROTHERS
Separated During the War They Have
Recently Becn United.

Recently BecH United.
Thirty of forty years ago two boys
were born of slave mother in tine city
of New Orleans. They grew and pros
pered as other boys of their kind did
and until the breaking out OF the war
when both gained their liberty and en-
tered the service of the Cnion-one as
a sailor and the other III the infantry.
The boys were thus separated and
neither knew whether the other WAS
living or dead. One, Joseph Mitchell,
came to Newport some years since, and
has supported himself and family by
doing odd jobs. Recently the brother,
Eugene Lewis, also came to Newport,
and strange to say hired tenement in
the house of his long-lost and unknown
brother.
The two went in and out of the same
door daily for months, until one day q
neighbor suggested toLewis that Mitch
ell was also born in New Orleans, and
the two ought to become better ac-
quainted.
Lewis saw no reason in that fact why
ne should trouble himself, as New Or
leans was big place and many chill
dren besides himself were born there.
However, one day he did speak TO
Mitchell and mentioned the coincidence
| of the same place of nativity. Each
asked the other if he knew certain peo-
pie there, and when the names Of the
master and mother were mentioned
their kinship was discovered. Lewis
told his brother of the death of their
mother, Louisa Herrin, soon after the
close OF the war, and the two are now
trying TO find third brother. who they
have reason to suspect is living IN
Providence. The two are nov close
companions, and the case forms an
other romance of the war.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

PARIS, April l9.-MedIeal circles in
this city and in many other parts of
France are greatly interested IN . new
method of treating tuberculosis. The
method wac discovered by Pro-
fessor German See According
TO Professor sees plan, patients
pass four or five hours dsliy IN n close
chamber wherein the alg ss above nor
nal pressure aud ss saturated with creo-
sote eucaiyptol. The pressure ls grsdu-
ally increased until n reached a snasi-
mum of an atmosphere and half
Several excellent and permanent re-
tanned.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

ossHs. April "A large crowd OF
farmers gathered At Broken Bow. cas-
Ger county, Friday snd threatened 10
lynch Hsostne, the murderer. II he
sss not hanged hy Saturday evening
Hsestne wss sentenced Go be hanged
saturday, bat sas fesptted BY Governor
Boyd.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
CAV rH,s BIZ uRuxs

Samuel Gonpers. the ishor ieseer,
says. "Shov me 8 country where con.
tent exists according 20 the powers that
b.. and III sfow yoa q country where
serfdom and slavery and rottenness er
ST Ths Is AKIN 20 saying that sociess
can never re happy and peaceful an
less ii 10 disseminated and fighting.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
AARON LELAND INJURED.
Struck by G. X. & I. Train Early Yes
terday Morning.

At 6 O'Clock yesterday morning as the
G.. X. & l. passenger train from the
north was passing Mill Creek, the en-
CINE struck an old man named Aaron
Leland and inflicted injuries from
which he will. probably die. He was
picked up and brought to st. Marks s
Hospital bv the ambulance. His chief
injuries are about the head and al
though his skull was not fractured the
physicians were Of the opinion that he
could not survive the night.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
BORROWED BAKING TINS.
That's What Ruralist Saw fled to q
Stylish q iris Belt.


Stylish G iris Belt.
An old farmer from Byron township
came shsmbling down Monroe-st. Sat-
urday afternoon stroking his goat-like
whiskers and chewing the cud of reflec-
ton and dark Hiawatha. At the Tower
he was joined by young countryman
who was evidently his heir apparent.
''Say, JOSH" said the old man, .I've
Just had the allfiredest start | ever had
IN my life. You know our Old muley
COW with the stump tail is so ornery
about jumpin' fences and roamin'
round IN the craps that i keep three
bells on her so We can find her at milk
in time. Wal, l was up the street here
about forty rod an l heerd somethin'
comm up behind me, king klang,
klInketv clatter, and l says to myself
'B'gosh that's old muley, ,Pll bet hoss.
| whirled round quicker'n scat n
yelled. Whey thar! you pesky crltter,'
afore | thought where / was. l looked,
n looked, n there warent a COW in
sight. The noise stopped when l turned
round and l stood thar trying
To make out what it was. / was
standin' in front of millinery
store and jest l was about to move
on about my biznes the racket COM
menced agin and whirled round agln.
1t was no COW at all, but the all-killinist
pertiest gal We ever see. She knocks
our Jane hlgher'n \ kite for looks. She
was looking at the bunnits in the WIN
der and the second time l heard the
racket was when she hitched along to
look in t0thpr sida
He Was Paraiyxed 1T the sight.
I says to myself yer an old fool,
that's some nice little gal that's takin
home some bakin tins her ma has
borryd from the neighbors. Pretty soon
she turned round and went down the
street. You could have knocked me
down with q goose quill, for that gal
hadn't blessed thing IN her hands but
an umberelly about five feet long. The
racket kept n going and l cantered
along side of her, for l Was bound to
find out what It Was If it took all night.
Pretto soon found out. That gal had
on a belt and there was = row of tin
things and stuff such As Jane has piled
up on the parlor shelf and calls bricke-
ty-brac, hangIn to it by strings and
chains. There was teeny PIE tins and
smellin bottles. and keys and tin dip.
pers and most truck more'n you
could hold in yer hat. Every time she
stepped che gingied like q tin peddler's
cart or one o'them pesky cable cars.
our Jane can initiate them ere city
gals as much as she wants TO in some
respects, but II she ever comes any
such funny hizness as that I'll tell ms
to take her scrost her knee as she used
| to do when she was q kid"
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

One benefit Of the law forhlddlng the
sale Of liquors in quantities less than .
quart and OF malt beverages in guam
titles less than a gallon. . that Il the
Governors OF North and South Csrolins
become stranded IN one Of these places
they needn't necessarily get aaitsted
over the Intervals between drinks -Ex
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

n snow claimed that Deacon Bill
Nye - such an 0nnnivoseas devourer Of
newspapers that De reads Al the sdv-s.
tisenlenss - tsen II = easy - under
stand hov be loss all respect Tor truth.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

Yesterday afternoon after the 81
dress At IIsfs~sn's Hall by Rev. Anna
shaw. a COLLECTION -ss taken for the
fmerson home, aud = IitssEsi response
resulted
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

oFguCE THAT sEEKs TaE NAN.
The only once that seess the man
nowadays is on the top floor Of seven-
story building with no elevator.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20
DISASTER AT SEA.
Ninety Lives Lost In ship~reek on
the Caroline Islands.

SAN FRaScIsco. April 1.-THE steam
ship Monowal, which arrived here to-
day, twenty-five days from sydney and
seven days from Honolulu, brings in
telligence that the British ship II. Cath
srines has been wrecked off the Caro-.
line Islands anu ninety persons were
drowuad
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

Prof. Ora Plerson and wife, Andrew
Fyfe, Mrs. Phelps and Mis- o'Dsll give
q musicsle at Grand haven Tuesday
evening.
Telegram-herald., 1891-04-20

Here'sA remarkable case. The other
day . wagonmaker who had been dumb
for years picked up . hub and spoke.
The Sunday herald and weekly national intelligencer., 1891-09-13

Commissioner Robert, after considerable
hard work yesterday, submitted to Commits
sioner Ross new set of regulations, looking
toward an Improvement of the present plan
of issuing liquor licenses One Of the most
important changes in the regulations is the
following form of notification:
"Mr. ---: You are hereby notified that
your application for a liquor license for No.
street in the city (or county of Wash
ington, District of Columbia, was on the
day OF --, 1s9-, rejected by the Commits
sioners. There is now due you on account of
your deposit the sum of s., which you are
entitled to upon demand. You are further
notified that the above rejection terminated
all rights you may have had to continue said
business at said place from and after forty
eight hours after midnight of the day Of serv-
ice of this notice, and that the police have
been directed to see that the same is closed'
Following this, and getting deeper at tn =
root of this growing evil, is a clause which
provides that during the hours of IL mid
night and o'clock a. IN. all bar-rooms shall
be closed and the interior of the rooms made
public from the outside by the absence of any
curtains, screens, or shades, making COM
plete exposure of the apartments. Any vio-
laUlon OF Inese regulations is maue PUNISH
able by a revocation of the license of the Of
fender.
Before this change was made it has always
been possible for saloon keepers to close their
doors at midnight with lot of men on the in
side and with the curtains tightly drawn
nothing was visible from the outside.
A point of vital importance to property
owners is made by Commissioner Robert when
he DEGREES that saloons must be closed within
forty-eight hours after rejection of the appli-
cant's name for license. 1t has been the
custom heretofore where an applicants name
has been rejected for him to continue his bus-
ness while his lawyer was. endeavoring to OBJ
tain reconsideration. For instance, If John
Smith was refused license his lawyer imme-
diately made motion for new hearing. By
asystematic course of delay John Smiths
hearing was postponed from week to week
and his privilege to carry on his business was
extended for months at a time, During this
stay of proceedings the law allowed him 10
keep him place open, but under Commissioner
Roberts new regulations his time will be
limited 10 forty-eight hours.