St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1891-05-09
MArhIMoM,AL WHISPERS.

MATRIMONIAL WHISPERS.
a.rs rr,.,e = tne Yeutnf.l-Bessdlct WIZ
Il ReeceA 70 Raise Beard.
When . bearylless man takes unto
himself wife, in nine cases out OF ten,
forty-eight hours do not elapse before
she says, in the sweetest tones that She
can command: ~
''Charlie. darling, or Freddie, dear,
- the ease may be, s'please let your
whiskers grow. You've no iles What
an Improvement it would make in your
looks"
1t is in vain that Charlie, darlings or
Freddie, dear, expostulates. and says
that his entire life has been spent In an
endeavor to grow beard, and then goes
unshaven for three days, giving . dem
onstrati0n that would be considered
ample proof BY any jury of sensible men
that he can not raise . beard.
But his persistent wife can not un-
derstand why it is, and insists that he
can raise hair where there never were
even traces of hair. and where his face
Is rs bare and smooth Is il was ON the
day he was born. 80 eve
He pleads that the last time he at-
tempted to raise hair on his face il grew
IN little patches resembling SO many
horseshoe nails punched together, sep
srated by stretches of smooth skin.
where the hair would not and never did
grow. Or else that it gave his face the
appearance, of being adorned with q
ragged, brown fringe. 1t is of no use
madam viii not be convinced. She in
sists that he can raise . beard, despite
his strongest protests to the contrary.
Other men can raise them, and 50 can
he. She wants . beard On his face: she
has set her heart ON it, and that heagi
has got to be grown. That is all there
is to it. .. H
The man knows what il il going to
result in ~ well-when he makes up
his mind Tor his wife makes up hb mind
for him) to let il grow-as IL il were sl
ready on his face. But what must be,
must be; and SO the beard is started.
10 comes out In terrific abundance di-
rectly under and just over the curve Of
the chin. Then there il . wide. vacant
stretch Of hairless face to the mouth,
except for . siclxly little patch Of horfi-
ble-loolxine hairs Just under the lower
lip IL starts out nObly directly under
the: jawbonca, and makes q ridiculous
ridge, about the size of leadpencil
along the edge Of the jaw. His cheeks
are perfectly hare, except for IN occa-
sional single hair, very blonde. which
shoots up from his cheek. like . solitary
weed in . desert of sand.
As his wife's beard lit isn't his-he
wouldn't ownit) growslonger. his jaws
begin to take on . very fringy appear
ance, as If they had been dsmpened and
sprinlkled with dust and short hairs
The pgolilic growth under the chin be-
gins 70 lean a6ectionately toward the
right side of the meek. and every effort
70 brush il TO . standing posdtion proves
fruitless- Finally, the poor man finds.
. large growikg bunch of dark-brOwn
hair On the right side, Just under his
chin, while the. hair ON the LETT side
seems to glory in reaching round to
Join the big bunch on the right side. In
the meantime, the hair ON one side Of his
face, directly in front OF his ear, by q
hard struggle, hSs just been able 10
make connections with the hair of his
head, while the other side has appar,.
emily given up the struggle and is dis
connected by..s blank patch an inch
wide. ~ afss {
1t is in vain that he calls the atten-
ton Of his devoted wife to the fact that
he looks more and more like monkey
every day. She puts her arms about
his neck and insists that they are grow
ing lovely, ," and that he does not know
how much better he looks He knows just
how much wogse he looks: but he dare
NOT dispute her for fear of hurting her
feelings II he were by himself. on =
desolate island, he would not care. He.
could stand the strain patiently, but
when he goes about the city, he hears
his friends smiling remark: ss -
''Why, you are growing beard since
I saw you last, Charlie. Does the wind
blow Though them much?" Or, when
he is greeted with ''Ah, there, Whis-
kers." he realizes that different people
see with, different eyes He sz3ks his
darling wife just to allow him to shave
the side Of his face, TO give q little tone
to his chin-whiskers. But she protests
stoutly, and accuses him Of not loving
her, and insists that he has not given
them . chance, and that they win come
out in time. So he Just gives n. ana
for the sake Of . happy home and .
coutented spouse, he passes his post
.honey-moon days in continual stsae
of hearing himself called ''Whiskers,
BY all his friends-except one.-N. Y.
Sum. -
mOW the Aneleats ShaveA.
In ancient times the operation Of
shaving consumed . much longer time