Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-26
LICENSE COURT FUN.
Amusing Methods Which Originate
in the Fertile Brains Of
ATTORNEYS FOR THE APPLICANTS.
Diamonds Are Barred and Blooming Essss
Covered With Powder. 10.
TIE COURTS IDEA OF HOSPITALITY
ATTORNEYS FOR THE APPLICANTS.
RE COURTS IDEA OF HOSPITALITY
rwnrrrrx ron ZEE prsrAron.I

rwnrrrlr ron ZEE prsPAroH.l
Many . successful applicant for
liquor license this year got through not On
his record, but because he had q cute at
torney at his back. The majority Of the
i Pittsburgh lawyers are good coachers and
brought their men mp to the scratch as we'll
prepared as prize fighter entering the ring.
There are various ways of coaching man
into the right way Of answering questions
For instance, one hesvy-set limb of the Law.
who is credited with being one of the best
ooachers in the business, always tells his
prospective client how his case must stand
before he will accept il. He must have
over twenty mealers daily, must never have
sold to minors, on Sunday nor without .
license, must not be an excessive drinker
and must never keep beer in the house ex-
cept for his own use. OF course, as the
man is anxious for this particular attorney
because of his record IN securing licenses,
he proceeds to claim all these virtues, no matter
how foreign they are to his somewhat spot
ted record. Thus he comes up before the
Judge cooked and primed, ready to fire OF
his answers in true style, and his conscien.
| tious attorney stands beside him with look
as much as to say, 'There is a man symbolic
of virtue and honesty, and it isn't my fault,
either"
| License Court develops more palatial
hotels and restaurants at which scores Of
people struggle to get a. the appetiEing
viands than any one ever supposed were in
existence. According to the statements Of
the numerous saloonists no man ever got
drunk in q saloon in Pittsburg. Too much
fresh air seems to overcome them after they
get out of the restaurants where the delicious
flavor of the wiener wurst and sauer kraut
mingle with fumes from the foaming beer
and make the rounder dream Of paradise.
1t Sounds Like Millennium Tale.
It is pleasure to sit in License Court and
hear all these virtuous places told Of, and il
max es one believe the millennium has come,
when the Good Samaritan is charge
d'affaires, "and any brother who falls by the
wayside or barside is given q bed Of d0wny
feathers in the rear of the hostelrv.
Some magnificent specimens of mankind
step up before the bar of justice to tell why
they are more competent than others to
squeeze the last drop from a beer keg and
get out half dozen or so more glasses Of the
COOlluA DCfSIdSS duJOuO ClSc. u4
day during the recent session, a sleek-look-
ing young fellow bobbed up serenely wear
ing red necktie in which sparkled q dis.
mond that would have dazzled the eye OF
one so common as to be only Judge. His
attorney caught sight of him Just as he en-
tered the courtroom and with q look Of
alarm rushed him out into the corridor.
When they returned again the lawyer was
smiling confidently and the would-bs
saloonist was somewhat changed. The red
necktie and diamond had disappeared and
in their stead was plain black four-In-
hand.
II just caught him in time" remarked
Mr.. Attorney. "Had he appeared in that
layout he would never have secured 8
license in this court. He looked entirely
too fly for the business"
Interested In n Mans Finances.
That's the way the thing goes. Ifa man
wears diamonds the Judge Immediately gets
the idea that he is entirely too prosperous.
II his clothing is shabby IL is the other wayy
the Judge wants to know the amount of .
mans savings and where it is located. The
breath was almost knocked out of the Court
recently by a shabbily-dressed man declar.
ing that on short notice he could produce
about $40, 900, but with ten days time
he might get more.
A mans capacity for beer also playss
good part in the License Court. A red nose
and bloated face cost many man a retail
license. One attorney was too slick to be
caught with a red-faced client. When his
man appeared looking rs though be had
been painting the town red and got some Of
the paint on his face. the lawyer ordered
him to go to the barber and be powdered. In
Is minutes he returned looking as though
he had met the white-winged angel of peace
and was ready to pass in his chips. II had
been overdone, so the promising limb Of the
law took his client into the corridor and
wiped a considerable portion of the white
ness from his face with pocket handker-
chief. After the case was over he wiped
the sweat from his brow and declared: "It
was a close shave, but if the Judge didnt
catch little OF his breath / guess he'll 20
through all right"
A Joke on the Court
Judge White and Attorney John Robb
had a little pleasant conversation over the
BARN the courtroom-one day which, with
an explanation, is quite interesting. At
dinner that noon the two gentlemen sat to-
gether, and IN the course Of the conversation
Mr. RObb mentlt ne time when he visited
the Judge at his home in Sewickley, and he
was lawful thirsty"
"Why didn't you say sol" exclaimed the
ale in the cellar and you might have had all
you wanted"
"I didn't think it was just the proper
thing to ask a man for a drink" replied The
bashful Mr.. Robb.
The first case called after dinner was one
Of Mr. Robb's clients who had a record for
having beer in the house. OF course, he
never sold any, because he told the Judge
so, and applicants always tell the truth.
"Don't you give any to your friends 7'
queried Judge White.
"No, sir" unblushingly replied the sp-
plicant
"Oh, it would be no harm II you did,"
persisted the Judge. "But don't you
do iI?'
'Your Honor" interrupted Attorney
Robb, II sat at dinner To-day with gentle
man, and when told him that upon a GER
tain visit to his house L was awful dry, he
told me that at the time be had barrel Of
ale in his cellar and never offered me
drink"
''There are some very selfish people in this
world, mused Judge White as he looked
down the record and said %Call the next,
and peculiar smile fitted across his coun-
tenance as the victoriou US attorney and his
client left the field of conquest
FRANK A. PARKER.