Connecticut western news., 1891-05-13

 but hope didn't do it, for I've promist she whose name shall be nameless lex cept that her initials is Betsy J.) that I'll jine the Meetin House at Baldinsville, jest as soon as I can scrape money enuf together so I can ford to be piuss in good stile, like my welthy nabers But if I'm confsticated agin Pm fraid shall continner on in my present benited state for sum time. fingered conspicyously in many thrillin scenes in my tower from Mont gomry to my humsted. and on sevril occasions I thought "the grate komiok paper' wouldn't be enriched no more with my lubrications. Arter biddin adoo to Jefferson D. I started for the depot. saw nigger sittin on fence a-playin on banjo. My Afrikan Brother" sed I, coting from Track onct red, ''you belong to very interestin race. Your masters is goin to war exclusively on your account"
 "Yes, boss," he replied, ''an' I wish 'em honorable graves" and he went on playin the banjo, larfn all over and openin his mouth wide enuff to drive in an old fashioned wheeled chaise.
 The train of cars in which was to trust my wallerable life was the scaiest, rickytiest lookin lot of consarns that I ever saw on wheels afore. "What time does this string of second hand coffins leaveY' inquired of the depot master. He sed direckly, and I went in 6 sot down. hadn't morn fairly squatted afore dark loolGn man with swinis- ter expression onto his countenance en- tered the cars, aal looking very sharp at me, he axed what was my principles2
 "Secesh!' I answered. 'Pm Disso- luter. I'm in favor of Jeff Davis, Bowre- gard, Picke.1s, Capt. Kidd, Bloobeard, Munro Edards. the devil, Mrs. Cunning ham and all the rest of 'em."
 ''You're in favor of the war?''
 "Certingly. By all means. I'm in favor of this war and also of the next war for over sixteen yearsr'
 I've bin in favor of the next war.
 "War to the knife!' sed the man.
 'Blud, Fargo, Blud!' sed I, tho them words isn't orrigernal with me.
 We got under way at larst, an pro- ceeded on our jerney at about the rate of speed which is ginrally obsarved by properly conducted funeral processions. A hansum yung gal with red mus keter bar on the back side of her he'd. and a sassy little black hat tipt over her forrerd, sot in the seat with me. She wore little Sesesh flag pin'd onto her hat, and she was 8 goin for to see her true love, who had jined the Southern army, all so bold and gay. So she told me. She was chilly, and offered her my blanket.
 "Father livin?" I axed.
 "Yes sir.''
 ''Got any Uncles?"
 "A heap. Uncle Thomas is ded, tho." "Peace to Uncle Thomas ashes, and success to him! I will be your Uncle Thomas! Lean on me, my pretty Secesh- CT, and finger in Bissful repose!' She slept as secoorly as in her own housen. At the first station a troop of Sojers entered tho cars and inquired if "Old 1 Wax Works" was on bored. That was the disrespectiv stile in which they re- ferred to me. "Becawz if Old Wax Works is on bored," sez q man with a face like a double brested lobster, "we're going to hang Old Wax Worksi'
 My illustrious and patriotic Bum- mersv' sez I, a gittin up and takin orf my Shappo, Eff you allude to A. Ward, it's my pleasin dooty to inform you that he's ded. He saw the error of his ways at 15 minits parst 3 yesterday, and stabbed hlsself with stuffed sled stake, dyin in five beautiful tabloos to slow moosic! His larst words was: My per feshernal career is over! I jerk no more'"
 "And who be you?''
 l ''I am stoodent in Senator Benja- minis law offss. I'm going up north to steal some spoons and things for the Southern Army"
 This was satisfactory and the intossi- cated troopers went orf. At the next station the pretty little Secesher awoke and said she must get out there. bid her kind adoo and give her some per vishuns. Accept my blessin and this hunk of gingerbread!' I sed. She thankt me muchly and tript galy away.
 At the next station didn't get orf so easy. Twas dragged out of the cars and rolled in the mud for several minits, for the purpose of ''taldn the conseet out of me-" as Secesher kindly stated.
 Twas let up finally, when powerful l A0A8 80 0CSOo4ACA SShAAO up eSuu C0UttC0u me, and to show that he had no hard feelins agin me put his nose into my mouth. returned the compliment by placin my stummick suddenly agin hi6 right foot, when he kindly made spit. toon of his able-bodied face. Actooated by desire to see whether the Secesher had been vaxinated then fastened my teeth onto his left coat sleeve and tore it to the shoulder.
 We then vilently bunted our heads to- gether for few minits, danced around a little, and sot; down in a mud puddle. We rig to our feet agin, and by sudden and adroit movement I placed my left eye agin the Secesher's fist. We then rushed into each others arms and fell under two-hoss wagon. was very much exhausid and didn't care about gittin up agin, but the man said he reck- oned I'd better, and conclooded I would. He pulled me up, but I hadn't bin on my feet more'n two seconds afore the ground flew up and hit me in the he'd. The crowd sed it was high old sport, but 1 couldn't zackly see where the lafture come in. rig and we en- braced agin. We careered madly to 8 steep bank, when got the upper hands of my antagonist and threw him into the raveen. He fell about forty feet, striking a grindstone pretty hard. I understood he was injured. I haven't heard from the grindstcne.
 A man in cockt hat cum up and sed he felt as though 8 apology was doc me. There was mistake. The crowd had tAksa mo for another naAnl toaA hisa