Iron County register., 1891-05-14
AN AWFUL DILEMMA.
A Wicked Chicago Story on st. Louis
Newspaper Man.

So far as we know. writes Eugene Field
in the Chicago News, with ghoulish glee,
there is nowhere a man with a keener wit
or a gentler humor than Joseph b..
McCullagh's. An is years residence in
St. Louis has not dulled this gentleman's 5
wit nor de based his humor.
In the profession of Journalism he is
facile princeps, and in all the relations of
private and social life he exhibits vivac-
ity and a benienity which has endeared
him TO all. If the bright things said in
the course of a month by this remarkable
man could be gathered together in a vol
ume, what q charming book t,would be.
The latest capital story told by MIR. Nc
Cullagh was at dinner in st. Louis last
week. dinner given by a number of his
intimate friends to Col. J. &. Normile on
the eve OF that eminent diplomats depart
ure for Cuba. The story was at the eX-
pense of St. Louis yet it was so good a
one that neither MI. McCullagh nor any
other loyal St. Louisan can seriously OBJ
iect to its repetition.
Mr.. McCullagh had been expressing 2
the hope that, spurred by the example OF
her sister cities St. Louis would grid
herself up to actual endeavor. She has
been idling too long. Unless reactionary
tactics were adopted every citizen would
be likely to suffer the experience which
Mr.. McCullah had had illustrated to him
(as he averred) in dream OF singular
vididness.
He dreamed that, having died, he made
his way to heaven and knocked Justify at
the beautiful jasper gate thereof. An
old gentleman with a venerable beard
came to the gate, and, po.ing his h cad
through the pickets OF the gate, inquired:
WHO'S there?'
cit is t. answered McCullagh.
eyes. yes, SO | see" said the saint,
''but who are you?''
81 am Joseph B. McCullagh, of st.
Louis. Mo. editor of the Globe-Demo-
crat," answered MIR. McCullagh.
''Well, } oseph, what do you want?"
asked the saint.
81 want to get in there" responded
McCullah
"Well you can't get in here, Joseph"
said the saint with distinct intonation of
sympathy. ''i'm sorry for you, but
we've got no room for you. You'll have
TO try the other place.
of course this made McCulIah feel ve!y
badly; it was good deal OF a disappolnt-
ment to him. But, determined not to be
left out in the cold, he trud2ed off down
ward and presently brought up at the
door of-a-well, suppose we call it (as
the saint dld) the other pace"
Not so bad as it might be-" thought
McCullagh, as he knocked Justify at the
door. He did not have to knock twice,
for instantaneously the door opened an3
the leering face of the archtiend himself
was thrust inquiringIy forth.
WHO'S there?" asked the hideous imp.
1T is :" answered McCulla9h.
We'll. yes, so [ should say" quoth
the tiend, "but who-pardon my ignor-
ance-who are you?'
Il am Joseph B. McCullagh,' of st.
|. ouis. Mo-, editor of the Globe Demo-
cFat. > answered McCullagh.
..Ah, indeed:" said Satan. "Well.
Joe. what do you want?'
II want to get in there" answered
Satan pulled in his head for few mo-
ments then thrusting it forth again,
...yoe :, said he, II don't find your
name down our books, and can't let you
in?"
But you'll have to, cried McCullagh.
s'I've just been to the other place. ana
they wouldn't have me there; I'm bound
to get in here.''
No. said Satan, firmly but kindly.