The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-07-19
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
What q Frontier Editor Finds to Brighter
Up His Life.

What a Frontier Editor Finds to Brighten
Up His Life.
GooDBY, Bnb.-Two or three weeks ago
Bill Throckmortan, the we'll known mule
whacker, raised a great fuss with us be-
cause we didn't publish more murders and
hanQings, and he gave us a fortnight to
make q change of base. AS we didn't do
80 his copy of The Kicker comaGback to
us with a great big Refused" NAKED on
it, and Bill is now going around asserting
that we are on our last legs and must go
under.
Goodby, Bill! While we hate to lose
subscriber, we never did run to murders,
and we are too old to begin now. We have
published one each week especially for
your personal delectation, and if you are
still unsatisfied we shall have to regretful-
ly part with you. We owe you about
twelve numbers on your year yet, and we
viii send them to an idiot asylum up In
Iowa with your compliments.
A SURPRISE PARTY.-Our contemporary
down the street came out with an extra
yesterday and managed TO work off thir-
teen copies on the unsuspec5ing public be-
fore his bubble was pricked. His news
was about us, of course, and, as usual, ne
turned himself inside out In his anxiety to
hold US up to public ridicule and coB-
tempt. What he made such an ado about
was really only trifie, and we will give
the facts as they occurred:
We have contracted the habit of splitting
on a mans boots when standing and con-
versing with him. 1t may be unpleasant
to some people. but there is no occasion for
any hard feelings, as we do it unconscious
" and are always willing to apologize. We
were talking with the mayor the other
evening IN front of the posto6ice, and nat
urally enough spat on his boots He didn't
wait to ask US what we meant by such con-
duct, but hit us on the chin with his left
and knocked us down. We scrambled up
10 pull our gun On him, but mutual friends
interfered and satisfactory explanations
were made. We afterward drank with his
honor, and he subscribed for two copies of
The Kicker to be sent to friends in the east.
1t was simply a Observation-Disclosures
one as is likely to occur between two gen
tlenlen at any moment, but Of course the
old hyena down the street thought he had
q good thing and wanted to make the most
of it.
IT Is TRUE.-We are almost daily in re-
ceipt of letters from the overcrovded east
ern states asking, ''Do you think can get
married if / come out theres" These let
ters are written by widows, old maids,
crosseyed girls and grass wives, and we
wish to state here and now that this town
offers them greater advantages in this di-
rection than any other IN the west. Out
of a population of over 1000 we have only
thirty-three women, and seven of them are
over eighty years old. Well bet dollar
to cent all day long that 500 eastern fe-
males can find husbands here in twenty
four hours. If it was known that there
was consignment on the way one-half
our population would ride fifty miles on
muleback to get the first pick.
Women are not asked to come out here
to be criticised and elbowed around. We
don't believe there is man in this town
vino wouldn't jump at the chance Of offer
ing his heart to redheaded girl with a
cataract in both eyes and wart on every
finger. We have contended all along that
what this town wants most is not a boom
In real estate to benefit few, but ten car
loads of women from Boston to ben
eft the many Their influence would
soon be felt here, and there would be a
moral backing which we can never secure
without their presence. We say to all in
quirers: Come right along. If you are not
stopped and married before you get here,
we guarantee you will be within fifteen
minutes after your arrival.
A FINE SPECTMEN.-Two months ego,
when an Iowa man came here and bought
out the Star drug store we asked him for
an ad He CURLY informed us that adver-
Using didn't pay, and he likewise refused
to subscribe for The Kicker. We have
been watching the tenderfoot ever since,
and when the sheriff closed him up yester-
day it was no surprise to US. Without
asking anybody's advice he bought a car
load of Paris green to kill 'tater bugs, and
had received it when he accidentally
learned that the nearest 'tater vine known
to our people was ninety miles away We
are glad he didn't do business with u.s. If
he had We should have felt sorry for him
and probably lent him money enough to
get out of town on.-M Quad in Chicago
Tribune.