The Portland daily press., 1891-03-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

Father-well, what has Tommy peen-doing to-
day?
Mother-He cut off a piece of the cats tail
broke three windows. BACKED the cooks eye, and
built a bonfire In the cellar.
Father-Is that all? Tommy must have been
good boy to-day-Epoch.
"Look me in the facet My name lis Might-have-
1 am also called 'No-more,' 'Too-late,' Fare
wellv"
The poet who wrote the above, must have been
In the last stages of consumption. Perhaps he
had only learned for the first time, that If he had
taken DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery in
his earlier Illness, he would never have reached
his present hopeless condition. What can be
more sad than keen realization OF what "might
have been?"
Physicians now admit that consumption is
simply scrofula in the blood attacking the lung
tissues. 1t is safe to allow the blood to re-
main impure, and it is especially reckless, when
such pleasant harmless remedy as DR.. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery will drive every faint
of scrofula or impurity from the system, causing
current of healthy, reiuvenating blood to leap
through the veins.
Sanso-Women nowadays are not the tender
creatures they are popularity supposed to be.
They can stand great deal.
Mrs. Sanso-Yes; and presume that is why
you men let Jus stand SO much in the elevated
cars.-New York Herald.
Middle aged people, when you were babies,
Johnson's Anodyne Liniment was then very old
One at Time Enough.
Mr.. Macsutor ito the fair ones sister)-And
how old are you?
Flossie-That hasn't been decided yet.
Mr.. M.-N0t decided yet?
Fl0ssie-No; ma says it'll be time enough when
Kate has landed you.-Wave.
personal gift Of healing to the nations-Dr.
Bulls Cough Syrup. The old reliable.
Salvation OIL. the great pain destroyer, should
be kept convenient. Price 25 cents.
Where the Music Was.
Miss. Youngbud <devotee of banjo)-Now,
Uncle Joshua, have "poser' for you. Where
is the music, in my fingers or in the stringsP
Uncle Joshua trankly)-Neither, b'gosh. It's
In your mind.-Boston Record.
They make one feel as though life was
worth living. Take one of Carter's Little Liver
Pills after eating; twill relieve dyspepsia. aid
digestion, and give tone and vgor to the system.
"No Alfred" she said sadly, 81 can never be
your wife; my heart is given to another"
SIS 1t Stanza Rhymer, the poet, who has cap
tured your young affections9" ne whispered
hoarsely.
"Even So" said the coy maid, blushing to the
ends Of her auburn riDgets.
"Ha. hal" said Alfred, who was space-writer
himself, rejected on account of the pressure OF
more desirable material. Texas 5iftings.
kYou hardly realize that II Is medicine
when taking Carter's Little Liver Pills; they are
very SMALL no bad effects; all troubles from tor
bid liver are relieved by their use.
Archibald-Miss Briefly paid me decidedly
fine compliment today. She said was a sweet
thing.
Dick-Yes; but a suite thing and fat are one
and the same. Next time Miss Briefly calls you
names, ask her how she spells ithem-Boston
Transcript.
For sun-burn, tan or rough hands, battle with
Johnson's Anodyne Liniment at night; wonder
full.
He had BiglBrother.
"What did they do with Joseph's coat Of many
colors?" asked the Sunday School teacher.
"They cut 1t down and made 1t over for Benja-
mtn," hazarded a pensive little boy at the end
of the -Inter-Ocean.