Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-09-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

| It's wise hen that knows her own
set.
No man is hero TO his valet. He is
a martyr.-Puck.
The cyclone actually takes town by
storm Wdshinqton Star.
Merit may win, but it makes awfully
slow time.--Etmira Gazette.
The smaller the country circus the big
ger the posters. York Journal.
When baby gets feather in its
throat the mother feels down in the
mouth.
81 hear Gus is going to get married."
"Yes." "Is he in lovea" "No; in debt"
Punch.
The saddest feature of the day we
celebrate is the week we rccuperate.-
Chicago Mail.
Do not Imagine that the young lady
means yes when she mods after midnight.
Dallas Ne,os
The music of drum is always on tap,
usually with 'sstick" in it, -Bingham-
ton Republican.
The man who carries his heart on his
sleeve doesn't display an equal amount
of brain.-Puck.
"He sat ON my joke" "That was
safe." "Safe2" ''1.s. There wasn't
any point to it."--J,sdy.
When the plumber sends in his bill
the dancing and paying the piper are
hu hn I,,h
Times.
1t is natural to suppose that when you
stroke cats back the wrong way the
poor animal doesn't feel fur straight
LosoeU Courier.
The words ''sunstroke' and "nerv-
GUS prostration" cover multitude of
plain drunks in the summer season..
Washington Post.
A man never knows how lucky he is
in escaping jury duty until he sees the
newspaper pictures of the unfortunates
who are caught.-Puck.
Marie-"Harry married that rich Miss
Firetung. He made great catch"
Julia-"Yes, and from all accounts b.
has been catching it ever since. "-1rutk
He failed for half million, straight
And this was most surprising;
But not SO much as was the sum.
He made by compromising.
-Washington Star.
Author-"These two books-I hardly
know what to call them-are waiting
for titles" Joblots-"Why don't you
call them American Heiresses, then2"--
HarUard LampOoa.
She-"Oh, yes! quite believe there's
fool in every family. Don't you" He
-''Well-er-my opinions rather
biased. You see, Pm the only member
of our family. ."-Judy.
81 am not going away for the sum.
mer, said the tired looking man to all
inquisitive friend. ~ am going to stay
right here and let the summer come to
me as usual. y Washington Post.
She (trustingly)-"Am the only girl
you ever loved, JackG" Jack-"Why-
yes-certainly, my dear that is to -ay
the only girl ever loved as love
you, my darling. ."-SomeruilIe Journal.
Mudge-"Is it foolish for young man
without capital to indulge in the hope of
getting Iich." Wickwire-"Yes, that's
so. The better way is for him to quit
hoping and go to work. k."-Ladaanapoiis
Journal.
She (fishing for compliment-"Do
you think my voice needs cultivations"
He (anxious to pay her a complimenD-
''Not at all; not at all. Cultivation
couldn't improve voice like yours."--
Ne,o York Press.
''And SO you think she no longer
loves you2" 81 know it. She used to
let me help her on with her ten-button
gloves, and lately she has worn nothing
but the one-button kind. Oh, can take
hint. "-St. Joseph News.
S. Ponge-.'Can you let me have $40
for week or soa" g. Enerous-"Pve
only got nine, but you can have that if
it will do" S. Ponge-"All right, I'll
take that and then you will owe me
dollar. ."-Harpard Lampoon.
"Was that your brother walking with
you in the park yesterday" asked the
old gentleman loosely. "My brotheri'
she replied. ''Indeed it wasn't, and
what's more, he's not going to be if l
can help it. ."-Philadetphia Times.