The Sunday herald and weekly national intelligencer., 1891-08-09
THE SON BUSINESS ovERDoNE

Why j. Egbert O'Hough Wishes He Had
Been "a Girl. - - - -
San Francisco Call.
"Please excuse these tears" said j Egbert
O'Hough as he mopped his dripping features,
"for the circumstance of my birth is enough
to make one weep.'
Then j. Egbert O'Hough stood up in the
middle of his cell at the City Prison and with
his streaming eyes raised to heaven he walled
from the depths of his bursting heart:
"Oh. why wasn't born girl?''
Mr.. O'Hough, young man scarcely turne d
%, had been thrown in late in the evening for
common drunk He was pale, intellectual
looking youth, whose slender back was bowed
and bent from carrying four and a half pounds
of bronze metal badges of the sons of this and
the sons OF that around his hollow chest.
"This son business makes me tired" re-
marked the unhappy youth as he peered out
through the bars during lull in his grief.
Travelling on the doubtful glores of ones de-
parted DAD Is well enough in its way If a fell
low doesn't run 1t into the ground,' he con-
tinued, "and that's what ails me.
"ln the first place my parents were away
from home when | was born. They happened
to be in California at the time, and of course
that makes me Native Son of the Golden
West, and got into one of the parlors. Now,
while am justly proud of my native State,
yet at the same time do not expect a man
born in Hoboken or Kalamazoo to apologize
for matter In which bis parents are alone to
blame. No, sir; there's none of the stuck up
business about me.
"My greatgrandfather fou hit under Wash
lngton, and this fact gave me entree into the
Sons OF Revolutionary Sires. See? Father
was born In this coantry, and that fact made
me eligible to the Patriotic Sons of America,
so 1 went to work and Joined them. He was
also soldier in the late rebellion, and, of
course, got roped In on the Sons of Veterans
'Shortly after the war father joined the
Volunteer Fire Department and stuck to it
long enough for his only son to win eternal
fame as Son of Exempts, one of which
now am. Then, about eight months ago,
became s. o. Il. That means Son of Tenn
perance, but l am not in good standing at
present"
j. Egbert smiled a jubilee sort of smile as
he said this, but one could see that he was in
no humor for joking.
"Time went on and soon became a con-
firmed son of something or other. All my
spare moments were devoted to fraternal IN
terests, and l had but little time for anything
else. My mother was of English descent and
she induced me to Join the Sons of ST. George,
which gives an indigestible Johnny Bull din
ner to members about every three weeks. Then
In an evil moment fell in with the Sons OF
Malta, after which 1 said l would swear of
on Sons.
II thought | had reached the end at last,
but Yesterday some fellows called and said
they were organizing the Sons OF Drunken
Sres over on the other side of Market street
and proposed to rope me in as charter mem
ber.
"Tnat settled 1t. / grew desperate, took tc
strong drink and here am. If ever get out
I'll fly to some foreign land and there begin
life anew as an orphan, who never knew OF
heard of his parents"
Having delivered himself of this awful
threat, J. Egbert O'Hough curled himself
down on d marrow wooden bench to dream OF
sons and of badges that weighed seventeen
pounds