Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-10-24
The"Artx,na kicker.

Cor THROUGH. Last Friday We re-
ceived word that man had appeared in
Gulchtown soliciting subscriptions to the
Kicker and claiming to be our sgricult.
ursl editor. This trick has been played
on US half dozen times within a year.
And when we heard of this chap We
mounted oar mule and cantered over to
interview him, We found him just as
be had begged his eleventh subscriber
and was ready to get out.
What followed may not be recorded in
future history. but it was lively while it
lasted.
The hold-faced impostor was of squatty
build. weighed 300 pounds. and had been
eating limburger cheese. He. therefore,
had the shade the best of it on the go-
off. but we rounded him. up after getting
our second wind. and he won't travel on
our shape hereafter. He's got through
taking subscriptions for us. and six
months hence, when able to crawl out
again. he'll probably look for honest
work. We employ no travelling agents,
give away no chromos. and we don't take
stomach bitters IN payment for advertiE-
ing.
COLD FACTS. We notice that our es-
teemed contemporary is advertising for a
political editor. lone thoroughly posted
on the politics of the day." To such q
one he promises ssteady situation at good
pay. We dearly love the old mossback
who claims to own and publish the alleged
weekly down the street, but when he at
tempts to deceive the public we feel it
our duty to state q few cold facts
In the first place he has only 331 sub
srriharp Sacnnhlu 0ur r,oonlo dnn'f 70
copper for politics. Thirdly. he has to
pay his hands in store orders, and bis pol
itical editor would starve to death in two
weeks. He got young man from Boston
out there one summer. borrowed of him SO
b. had left. stole his suspenders. emb,z
zled his white shirt, and then discharged
b m. The lonesome sppeara ice of that
young and coDfiding man as he started
on his Q 600 mile walk will never be
ef4ced from our memory.
TOLD HIM So Nearly three months
az we told Judge Wakefield, who DIR
ped in here from Missouri, that he hadu
struck the right town and ought to keep
walking. We didn't feel hard because he
didn't subscribe. for the Kicker. but the
way he wore his elbows ont on the va
rious bars and his firm attitude before
free>luuch Counters was 'agin" him
He also made himself disagreeab.e in
other ways. and our advice was given 10
brotherly way. He refused to heed it.
however. and the other night the boys
put rope necktie on him and pulled m
up and let him down until he expressed
the greatest willingness to move on He
will probably have a sore throat next
winter. but he can console himself that
it is no worse
We watch things pretty closely in this
town, and We never fail to catch the drift
of public opinion. When we come out in
loaded BREWER and advise man to look
for another pasture there's nothing funny
alb out it. lis a very serious business. and
the rope is hanging on peg behind US
All THERE. CoLoNEL!-L,ss week we
had something to say about Col. Jim
Croker. who is Furnishing big stock of
poor whisky while waiting to be nominal
ed for some political Office. The colonel
believes in pap" He's always lived on
i, and he'd starge withoutit. We simply
asked our readers If he was honest, capa-
BILE, and so on, and the colonel got riled
over it. There's no doubt in our mind tina.
be get Hank Scott. the half breed. tigh .
AID the gave him a keg of powder o l
blow up the Kicker office. We have il
from m IN who overheard part of the
conversation. Hank was willing enough
to blow US sky high. for we've hsd his |
left ear among our offlce relics for the
last year. The trouble, however, was
that he was too drunk to carry out the
p ogramme, and in fooling with the powd,
he brought about an explosion on the
vac INT lot west of our office. and sailed
away to the unknown land in sections
and fragments
What we could find of Hank we buried
next day at our expense and we don't
feel particularly hard against the colone'.
We shan't 60 looking for him especially,
but if we should happen to run across
him some day while he is feeling absent
minded. we shall very likely gather him
in and mark his tombstone number IL in
our private graveyard.