The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-01-17

-~Easterner I'm far Western store)-
.'Got any ueckties?" Proprietor tmysti-
fied)-"Um-er-what sort-silk, calico
or h. mp?'-Good News
I'VE know what the girl who never
thinks talks about. Now we would like
to find out what the girl who never talks
thinks about Globe.
-Flora-"Who is that fat, awkward
woman who doesn't seem to know what
to do with her hands and feet?' Nora
20, thst's Mrs. Hustler. the eminent
teacher OF 'Delsarte. '"-America.
~ haven't had an outing for two
years, :" complained Mrs. Jsysmith.
That's too bad!' replied her husband,
sympathetically. APll Look 1t the ads
vertisements and see II there isn't >
free excursion to q sale of lots you can
go to to-day. "-Harper's Bazaar.
The velocity Of light has been meas
ured and recorded. but the rapidity with
which woman can scatter. bad news
over q neighborhood is still matter Of
guesswork. Rams Horn.
Lady Gnest-"I leave this house In
an hour" Clerk-''Is there any thing
wrong, madam" Lady Guest Wrong!
Well, should say so. Why, the next
room and mine are connected by door,
and you have. actually stopped up the
keYhole. IN. Y. Sun.
"A Laudable Desire. --Wife-''Dear
dearl What can Won be dropping oil on
your best coat for?'' Husband-"I
bought bottle of stuff to-day to take
out grease stains with, and wanted to
sec IL it was any good. "-Clothier and
Furnisher.
isn't Jones Christian Scientist
believer in the faith cure?' HE Is. :"
us it true that be wouldn't have doc
tor, for his wife the other day when she
was sick?" ut is quite true" well,
i saw a doctor go into his house just
nor." Oh! that's all right He's sick
noE himself. Cape Cod Item.
AN cratic old gentleman in New
York recently went hence and left. .
large fortune to be expended in teach
ing people to eat with their forks Had
he left one-half the sum to provide
something for them to practice on. his
memory ~ q benefactor would have
lasted longer.-Ram's Horn.
Cousin Tom Ito Lizzie. who, with
the rest of the family, has just returned
from the country)-''Aren't you glad to
get back to the city? l should think
you would be all; lonesone ip that sleepy
town ;" Liszie-tO, no. We got &C
quainted rapidly. and I had several
lovers, to boot )" Cousin Tom II should
think your father would have attended
to that Boston Herald.
-Travers-''Say. old man, great
scheme! Am going TO London. You
order what clothes you want Same
height, same breadth. buy them.
Bring 'em back. Good 1T Cheap. Eh?''
-"Splendid I'll make out
my order at once. When you get back.
I'll pay you" Travers-"You will, eh?
Well. Id like to know how you expect
me to get over there?'-C lothier and
Furnisher.
Mr.. Mushroom-'I wish you would
send one o. those invites to old Skee-
sicks and his wife" Mrs. Mushroom
"What! Them vulgar Skeesicks? l
won't do it" Mr.. Mushroom-ssOf
course, they amt 50 blamed cultured;
but they can study up little" Mrs.
Mushroom-"For heavens sake, Jere.
miah! You'll be wanting me to ask our
fathers and mothers here next AZ
-Doliie (snueRling quite close to his
watch chain)-"What have you in that
locket?" Chollis-"A postage stamp"
Dollie-'G oosie! What postage stamp"
Chollie- The one on your last love-let-
ter. 1 detached II carefully. It touched
your moist rcd lip6 It often touches
mine" Dollie-"You dreadful fellowi
I'm 20 sorryr' Chollie- ''Sorry! .Why!"
Doilie-"Because moistened that
stamp BY pressing it on Fido's dear.