The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1891-12-24

OF your opinion altog0Lner, and the lots
your own on your own terms. Therei
You won't take it yeti Well, then, I'll
tell you what I'll do with you. Comet
You are such free and independent wot-
ers, and am so proud of you-you are
such noble and enlightened constitu-
ency, and I am so ambitious of the honor
and dignity of being your member, which
is by far the highest level to which the
wings of the human mind can soar
that I'll tell you what I'll do with you.
I'll throw you in all the public houses in
your magnificent town for nothing.
Will that content you? It won't? You
won't take the lot yet? Well, then, be-
fore I put the horse in and drive away,
and make the offer to the next most
magnificent town that can be discovered,
I'll tell you what I'll do. Take the lot,
and I'll drop two thousand pounds in
the streets of your magnificent town for
them to pick up that can. Not enough?
Now look here. This is the very fur
thest that am a-going to. I'll make it
two thousand five hundred. And still
you won't2 Here, missis! Put the horse
no, stop half moment, l shouldn't
like to turn my back upon you, neither,
for trifie. I'll make it two thousand
seven hundred and fifty pounds. Therei
Take the lot on your own terms, and
I'll count out two thousand seven hun
dred and fifty pounds on the footboard of
the cart, to be dropped in the streets of
your magnificent town for them to pick
up that can. What do you say? Come
now! You won't do better, and you
may do worse. You take It'll Hooray!
/ Sold again and got the seatr
These Dear Jacks soap the people
shameful, but we Cheap Jacks don't.
/ We tell 'em the truth about themselves
| to their faces, and scorn to court 'em.
! AS to wenturesomeness in the way of
putting up the lots, the Dear Jacks beat
us hollow. 1t is considered in the Cheap
Jack calling that better patter can be
made out of a gun than any article we
put up from the cart, except pair of
spectacles. | often hold forth about
gun for a quarter of an hour, and feel as
If | need never leave off. But when /
tell 'em what the gun can do, and what
the gun has brought down, never go
half so far as the Dear Jacks do when
they make speeches in praise of their
guns-their great guns that set 'em on
to do it. Besides, I'm in business for
/ myself; l amt sent down into the mar
ket place to order, as they are. Besides,
again, my guns don't know what say
in their laudation, and their guns do,
and the whole concern of 'em have rea-
son to be sick and ashamed all round.
These are some of my arguments for de-
claring that the Cheap Jack calling is
treated ill in Great Britain, and for
turning warm when think of the other
Jacks in question setting themselves up
to pretend to look down upon it.
Icourted my wife from the footboard
of the cart. l did indeed. She was a
Suffolk young woman, and 1T was in
Ipswich market place right opposite the
corn chambers shop. had noticed her
up at a window last Saturday that was,
approaching highly. had took to her,
and had said to myself, eff not already
disposed of I'll have that lot" Next
Saturday that come I pitched the cart
on the same pitch, and / was in very
high feather indeed, keeping 'em laugh
ing the whole of the time and getting
off the goods briskly. AT last 1 took out
of my waistcoat pocket small lot
wrapped in soft paper and put it this
way Cooking up at the window where
she was). 'FNow here, my blooming
| English maidens, is an article, the last
article of the present evenings sale,
which offer to only you, the lovely
Suffolk dumplings billing over with
beauty, and won't take bid of thou
sand pounds for from any man alive.
Now what is it? Why, I'll tell you
what it is. It's made of fine gold and
it's not broke, though there's hole in
| the middle of it, and it's stronger than
any fetter that ever was forged, though
it's smaller than any finger in my set of
ten. Why ten? Because, when my par
ents made over my property to me, tell
| you true, there was twelve sheets,
twelve towels, twelve tablecloths, twelve
knives, twelve forks, twelve tablespoons
and twelve teaspoons, but my set of
fingers was two short of dozen and
could never since be matched. Now
what else is it? Come, I'll tell you. It's
| o. hOOP VI colio gnu WIdppcu III silver
curl paper that I myself took off the
shining locks of the ever beautiful old
lady in Threadneedle street, London
city; wouldn't tell you SO if I hadn't
the paper to show, or you mightn't be-
ieve it even of me. Now what else is
it? It's man trap and handcuff, the
parish stocks and leglock, all in gold
and all in one. Now what else is it,
It's wedding ring. Now I'll tell you
what I'm going to do with it. I'm not
a-going to offer this lot for money, but I
mean to give to the next of you beauties
that laughs, and I'll pay her visit TO-
morrow morning at exactly half after
nine o'clock as the chimes go, and I'll
take her out for walk to put up the
banns." She laughed and got the ring
handed up to her. When I called in the
morning she says, "Oh, dear! It's never
| you, and you never mean it?' "It's
ever me" says I, ''and am ever yours
and ever mean it." So we got mar
ried, after being put up three times,
which, by the bye, is quite in the Cheap
! Jack yyay again and elbows opca n, o,.a how,