The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-12-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

walking abreast-it doesn't turn out
for anything.-Terds Sittings.
A good liar is better company than
a truthful man with an impediment in
his speech.-Drake's Magazine.
There is good deal of public pray
ing done that doesn't mean anything
in heaven or on earth.-Rona'S Horn.
The time comes when some men
leave father and mother and cleave
unto their uncle.-Bingtanaton Leader.
The week ought to be short for the
servant girl, considering the number
of days she takes out.-Eynaira Gazette.
Teacher-'What are draft riotsP"
Pupil-"Quarrels caused by people
not shutting the door."-Kdte Fields
Washington.
Jinks-''How did you come to lose
so much money on the racer" Winks
Got too many tips before l started"
Good Nea0S.
Reading maketh full man-that is,
it fills his mind with words that he
does not know how to pronounce
Indianapolis Journal.
Minnie-'I heard you are engaged.
Whom TOP" Alice-"Do you recognize
this ringm Minnie-"Oh, yes, that's
Billy Bowles'. ."-Jes0elers' Circular.
Woman is a greedy creature. She
robbed man of a rib at the outset of
her career and she has been after his
heart ever SINCE Boston Transcript.
There is something snaky about
that woman" said romantic Robert.
Probably her boa," suggested his
practical sister.-BGltimore american.
Little Tommy Mamma. papa has
been drinking" Mother What
makes you think SOP" Tommy-"He
said that you were an angel. ."-1scas
Siti'sgs.
Chappie Gas he rose to go) May l
--aw-have a goodnight kisssn Ros-
alie-'1 suppose so. You must miss
your nurse awfully, don't youP"-N
7. Herald.
There is talk of forming yacht
club up in Canada of New Yorkers.
There should be no difficulty in doing
SO. There are plenty of ''skippers"
up there. = YonkerS Statesman.
He-''I really believe Miss Highup
tried to cut us" She (rival belIe)-
IF she had tried she would have sue
ceeded. Did you ever see such a
hatchet facep"-M z. Weekly.
Now" said the professor, II want
you to illustrate the difference between
music and noise" 'tYour own sing
ing and somebody's else," replied the
pupil confidently. Washington Star.
Bingo-'' How is the new servant
girl getting onp" Mrs. Bingo-'' She's
gonen Bingo-''Gone. Why, what's
the matterP' Mrs. Bingo-'My
dresses didn't fit her."-C Cloak Revieq0.
A woman who threw yitriol at a
man in Brooklyn the other day got
some of it on her own beauty and
suffered dreadfully. Ladies can not
be too careful in these indulgences.
Judge.
Mrs. Scadds-" Daughter. a girl
should never throw herself at young
man." Miss Why, mamma? ?'
Mrs. Scadds-''Because girls are usu-
ally very inaccurate in their aim. y
Judge.
Covert Coates-'1f I give you this
candy will you tell your sister that I
am waiting here for herP" Birdie
Browne -"How much more will you
give me if don't tell my big brother?"
Puck.
'.All that am or ever hope to be.
owe to my wife," said Marrowfat.
That's right. retorted Hicks.
Blame everything on your wife.
It's the manly thing to do."-M. Y.
Herald.
Mr.. Dolley (tenderly)-'Miss scadds,
l indulge the hope of some day win
ming your love-" Miss Scadds (shak-
ing her head MY friends tell me
that you indulge too much, Mr.. Dol
ley" Epoch.
Gould you not, il you tried, grant
me place in that icy heart of yours?'
My heart may be of ice, as you say,
Mr.. Sophle1gh. But, all the same,
am not in the cold-storage business. >
indianapolis Journal.
''We've got to economic, Maud
said Henry. Its absolutely neces
sary." Very WE'LL" returned Maud
Il shall give up your cigars" 'Anc
l will do without fall bonnet" saic
Henry. Harpe1's Bdzar.
Miss Conny Seayer-'W an anna.
teurish lot of pictures! There seem:
to be no life or vigor in them" Jack
Rittick-''Yes. the motto of the hang
ing committee was evidently The
weakest must 60 to the wall. '"-Pucb
':Did he literally steal?" said the
horrifed friend when he heard of f;
trusted employees downfall 'Well.
was the reply, as his method was t.
fix up the accounts, l suppose yol
might say he stole tiguratively."-
Washington Star.
First little boy-'My ma got nev
dress yesterday. and she threw he
arms around pas neck. What doe
your ma do when she gets a ney
dressp" Second little boy-.'She say
she'll forgive him. but he mustn't sta,
out late again. y Cloak RevieaO.
Mr.. Flannelsuit( (doubtfully)-"Wha
would you think if I should kiss you
Miss Ethel?" Miss Ethel (indiffer
ently)-"Oh, l don't know. Pm no
very original. I'd probably say jus
what did to Harry Shoulderstrap
and Capt. Cascabel, and the rest o
them. y Washington Stqg:.
"a woman will do almost anythin,
when she is desperate" You thin
so?" 'I'm sure of it. There's Mis-
Showoff-she had a row with he
tiance on the beach the other day. an
she got so mad that she walked delhi
erately into the water with her bathin
suit on and ruined it."-Detroit Ere
Press.
Henry asked me to be his wife las
night" she told her chum. ''Oh, Fr
so delighted, Gertrude. And how di
it happenp" We'll, he asked me, an
/ said Yes, and then he just stood u
and folded his arms" What! FL
was no more interested than that?
''Oh. but you see was in them whe
he folded them!' Philadelphia Time;
Gray-'I took those ladies into th
stock exchange, and l expected t
hear them complain that there was s
much noise that they couldn't hea
themselves think; but they didn't seer
to notice it at all. / don't understan
it." Dunno. that's all right. Thos
ladies are members of the sewing Gil
Gle in our parish. .''-Bosto'a Transcrip
A Woodworking woman was asked
Madam, are you woman suffragist?
No, SIR" was the answer; II haven
H. IL