The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1891-01-24
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
The Romans etched their public rec.

The Romans etched their public rec.
ords on brass.
Man is a power in the land, but
after all, he can't get married without 8
woman's consent.-Drake's Magazine.
-Tom-"Get an invitation to Charles
wedding?" Jack (gleefully)-''No. Did
you?" Tom (sadly)-"Yes. Lend me a
tenner Yankee Blade.
-Teacher-"You say there are six
senses? Why, I have only FIVE" Scholar
CT know it, sir. The sixth one is COM
mon ense."-Detroit Free Press.
Timely Advice.-He-"I feel COM
pletely FRUSTRATED. l wish i were dead"
She-'Well, why don't you let me send
for a doctor?"-Brooklyn Life.
ARTILLERY Lieutenant lin the way of
a COMPLIMENTARY, my dear young
lady, but your looks-your glances go
right home. Every ones u bulls eye"
-~Fliegende Blaetter.
-Watts-'Wonder why they always
call a locomotive 'she?'" Potts-"May
be it is on account of the horrible noise
It makes when it tries to whistle. In
dianapolis Journal.
Are there still active volcanoes in
e~xistence?" said the pupil. 30, yes,
indeed" replied the Professor absently.
"By the way, are you acquainted with
my wife?"-St. Joseph News.
Professor Patterby--"Define the diff
ference between wit and humor, Mr..
Fresh" Jack Fresh-''Wit is written
by the paragraph and humor by the
column"
Yes, l once failed for a hundred
thousand" remarked the red-headed
man who hadn't treated yet. you see,
the girl was worth that in her own right
and refused me. "-Philadelphia Times.
Accounted For.-"There was o
guard on the l. road this morning who
pronounced the names of the stations as
clearly as Booth could" 81 know the
man you NEAR. He is a Russian."-N.
Y. Sun.
-"Can women be the heads of bust
ness firms in this country?" Eyes, but
there's position they never assume
Il married." 1.-THE senior member?"
mo, the silent partner. "-Philadelphia
Times.
She - Edward, the minister has
asked me to sing at the concert for the
III dhu - I1C lCukCllN J
30, go by all means. / never did have
much love for that parson or his congre-
cation either. "-Demorest's Monthly.
-Simpson-''Whatever induced your
uncle to marry the widow of a man who
was hung?" Jimpson-''He had been
married to widows before, and says he
was tired of having the virtues Of former
husbands constantly flung In his face"
Epoch.
I'm Russia. -Oficial-"You can not
stay in this country, sir" Traveller
''Then I'll leave it." Oficial-"Have
you a permit to leave?" Traveler-"No.
SIR" Oficial-"Then you can not go. 1
leave you twenty-four hours to make up
your mind as to what you shall do."-N.
Y. Sun.
-Teacher-"I don't see why you
can't understand this rule in arithme-
tic, Johnny. 1t didn't take me five min
utes to understand it when it was first
explained to me-" Johnny-'Perhaps
your teacher explained it to you better"
West Shore.
"A stylishly dressed young lady was
walking down q back street in a country
town the other day, her ch~atelaine
creating such an abominable din that
she attracted the notice of two loafers.
"Say, Bill" said one, ''wot's that ere
thing?" Dunno" said the other, but
1 should think hers a dealer in scrap
on."-Demorest's Monthly.
Grammatical ltem.-"Mishter Sill
verstein," said Nose Schumburg to his
clerk, ''chump up on dose ladders and
hand me down lose schentlemanly I'M
dervear." at vas not correct to say
dose ladders" replied the clerk, who
prides himself on his knowledge of
grammar. 81 know dot betterden you,
Mr.. Silverstein; and ven | say dose lad
ders,' you may be sure | have some par
ticular reason Wy | say dose ladders
Texas Siftings.
RUINED CITIES OF YUCATAN.
Vast and Splendid Remnants of Magnificent