The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-07-17
THE RICHEST MAN IN AMERICA.
How He Is Viewed Abroad-The Vain
Quest of a British Iion-Seeker.


How He Is Viewed Abroad-The Vain
Quest of a British Lion-Seeker.
We felt a craving-a yearning, a
gnawing-to see and touch and speak
with the richest man in America; to
stare at his silver statues and his car
pets interviewer with threads of gold;
and we took passage for New York in
the BrixtOnian.
AS we landed on the quay an ex-
cited bystander took us by the button
hole and drew us feverishly aside. ''See
that homely-looking man way long
there, passin' under the elevator,
stranger?" he whispered hurriedly, and
with Unsurpassed emotion; ''wall,
then, you see the richest man in Ameri-
ca! Came over twelve years since from
down Kansas way, wha" he was raised;
hadn't nickel; struck IN a notion for
a corner in baked beans, and raked in
$4,000, 900 in nine weeks, and eats ter
rapin tarts fried in humming- birds fat
to every meal!'
We had found him, then! Breath
less with excitement we followed him
along the quay and streets, observing
him attentively. He had q wooden
leg and one button off the back of his
coat, large mole ON the back edge of
his right ear, and a gray felt hat with
a green lining. He entered a dining
saloon, and we eagerly took seat OPP
posite to him; he had one wall eye
and one bloodshot one, seven front
teeth out, and a black and yellow
necktie.
Presently he engaged our attention
by excitedly kicking us under the
table
.'See that stout man coasting around
the ice-bucket?" he asked, breath
lessly. .'Whaat? Well, you take it
from me that's the richest man in
Amurriker. bar none. Started nine
years ago us assistant odd Job hand to
a toothpick sorter down Five Points,
and struck twenty thousand million
dollars in seven weeks, and eats gold
dust sauce with his truf1led ostrich
every breakfast!''
We had found him then! We burst
<.~ay from the dining-saloon, and
rushed after the party indicated. He
had lost both ears from frost-bite, and
had one shoulder four inches higher
than the other, and green cutaway
coat patched with sacking. He had
not gone three blocks when he turned
suddenly in the utmost excitement and
gripped US by the arm.
'.See that feuce-rail of crittur with
the respirator stannin' by the fire.
alarm?" he asked. ''You bet that's
just the richest man in Amurracky, so
he is, boss! Went down Frisco way,
without rag on his back six years
come next Independence, and banked
$50, 1000, $50 in five weeks. Sleeps
III Il s
mond and sends his boots to be heeled
wrapped in 81 100000 bills"
We thought we couldn't follow that
man; he had a hare-lip, and pants
made out of old carpet; but we aban-
clerk who was the best authority on
the subject of the ri hest man in
America. The clerk told us to 90 to
the editor of the Spread Eagle, in
979th street, over the Naphtha drink
ing-saloon.
1--WE hear" we said, that you, sir.
are an authority in the matter of the
richest man in America?'
''I'll tell you about him right away"
said the editor. ''Tll give YOU the
a file of the special editions of the
WIiICu llllcc COl-
umns devoted to him daily. The rich
est man in America, sir, is Groulter
Q. Vanboom, who set out from Grub
squash City, Kas., with 5 cents sewn
in the heel of his boots, and coffered
forty thousand million dollars in three
weeks. He was the man that grassed
Elisha j. Vennerhezzet over the White
Daylight Cherub's Blush Silver Syndi-
cate boom, down Grogg's country,
California, when Elisha was prospect
ing way down there, and Elisha is now
the richest man in America. 1t was
he who came the mean thing upon
Chaldea V. Bloobder about the cotton
oil scare-you've heard tell about
Chaldea V. Bloobder, the richest man
in Americap Why, it was about that
man that Silas j. Seeker, the richest
man in America, used to say
Then we left, and slowly cooled
down toward the richest man in Ameri-
ca. Then we took on tracking down
the tallest thing in railway swindles
and the quickest-grown out west city,
and we are on the track of nine of
each of them.-F'ron London Fun.
James Addington, of East Aurora,
NJ Y has a p,aarSohaum ninn that iS