, 1891-11-18
LOVE AT THE GATE.
ELECTRICITY WILL REVOLUTION-
IZE THE OLD STYLE OF COOLING.
No More Moonlight Debates i'm the
Front Yard-How the Exper- x
faNemt Works.


Front Yard-How the Exper- q
imemt Works.
And now comes an Olympian who
claims that he has made the boss applica.
ton of electricity.
One evening, this week, he very kindly
invited a representative of The TRIBUNE
over to his residence on the Eastside to
witness some experiments with his new
apparatus.
Being of conyivial turn, his house is
the resort of a good many young people to
whom he always extends an unbounded
hospitality. But he complains that ever
since his young daughter adopted dresses
of the regulation length, his front gate has
been afflicted with spasmodic attacks of
spinal weakness.
His daughter, a recent graduate by the
way, explains the difficulty by citing the
lunar theory. She AYERS that the sagging
of the gate is due to the phases of the
moon, in a manner quite similar to the ac-
ton of the tides. Her wary father laughs
at this fimsy attempt to solve the mystery,
and declares from personal experience that
the strongest front gate ever made will,
sooner or later, become demoralized if q
dude and dudlne persist in hanging on
either side OF 1T for seven nights in week
Stated in brief, his invention aims to for
ever break up this silly practice of young
people lally-gagging over front gates after
nightfalI.
Without going into details, graphic re-
port OF the experiments performed in the
presence of The TRIBUNE man will give
Unn6 idea of tha \
principles upon which the neW-fangled
device is supposed to act.
Having arrived at his residence little
after sunset, on an evening when his fam
lily were taking in a church festival, he
showed the reporter two insulated wires
running from the incandescent burner in
the hall to the top rail of the gate, which
had been deftly covered with brass plate,
Ostensibly to hide crack in the timber.
The brass plate was about a foot long and
wholly covered the space where lovers
hands and chlns naturally rest while en-
gagged III the interesting game of lally-
gagging. Then there is a piece of sheet iron
nailed to the walk on the outer and inner
side of the gate. By touching button be-
hind the hall door the two metallic plates
can be highly charged with electricity and
the circuit completed. Further than this
no technical explanation is needed.
While the two gentlemen were talking a
down the sidewalk. The opportunity for a
brilliant experiment in the interest Of sci
ence was too good to be lost Hastily
whistling the unsuspecting canine to the
gate, the inventor instructed The TRIBUNE
man how to make the animal stand with
his hind feet on the iron plate with his
paws resting on the top of the gate. This
being arranged, he stepped behind the hall
door and, at the auspicious moment
"pressed the button" The result was truly
wonderful. The poor dog fetched long
drawn out howl of mingled fright, hor-
ror and dogoned disgust, turned al
back summersault and then tore down the
street yelling as if a hundred tin cans were
tied to his tail, while the two men rolled
upon the grass in a paroxysm of wicked
glee. Scarcely had the experimenters re-
covered from their laughing fit when de-
mure COW came along with big ding dong
bell hanging from her neck. Bidding the
reporter detain Mrs. Cow, the willy inven-
tor hastened to the kitchen and returned
with big white cabbage which he dropped
on the doorstep within dempting proxim-
1ty of the fatal gate. All things being
ready, the COW was led across the curbstone
and as she stepped upon the sidewalk she
made dash at the big cabbage. Just as
her deWlap touched the rail of the gate, the
inventor pressed the demoniac button.
Thunder and lightning! Did she bawl ?
Ask the echoes that shook the hills for
miles around. Her first movement was to
rear upon her hind feet till her horns
were about twenty feet in the air, but
she never stopped bawling. Next
she settled upon her knees with heels and
tail in the air, still bawling and her tongue
protruding a foot from her mouth. At
this juncture, the current was turned off
and the liberated animal went cavorting,
and believing up Ayers hill and out Of
sight
So much for the invention. Now, the
happy inventor proposes to watch his op-
portunity and treat front gate lobbyists to
a few volts of pure electricity, while the
happy pair are holding an errotic session.
OF course, there are millions in the thing
and cayeat has been secured until fur
ther improvements can be made.
The TRIBUNE man was about to open the
gate to leave when he received shock that
wakened him Immediately. An after
stroll out East Fourth street convinced
him of the necessity of such an invention,
for some gates were hanging on one hinge
and others gone entirely, showing the
weight Of love the Fourth street gates have
had to bear.