Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1891-01-04


The deacon boarded the car at Third |
street in terrible stew
i've just been in one of your so.called
irst-class restaurants" he declared to the
first passenger recognized.
well, what of it?" asked the gentleman
addressed.
why, sir, was insulted-thats what
of 1t.
"Insulted?
That's just what l was. l sat down TO
table and gave my order to one of those
wax-mustached fiunkeys, and off he skated
to the kitchen. That was all right. But
about ten minutes later another man came
in, gave his order to the same waiter and
got his grub-and there was still waiting
for mine. 1 got uneasy, but did not lose
my temper, until another man came in.
and also got his grub before me. .Hey
therep says to that Sinking flunkey.
Who in thunderation do you think am,
that you can keep me starving here ali
day?' And would you believe it, that in
sulting wretch turned to me with a grin
and obsequious bow, and said: oh, excuse
me, sir; but thought you were Succi. the
faster Now, what do you think of that?''
Deputy District Attorney A. ]. Bruner
boasts of as bald a pate as any man in
town. But, despite the patriarchial and
wise expression it imparts to bis counte-
nance, he has waited these many years pa.
tiently for the discovery of some kind of
8 lymph that would produce new crop of
alfalfa on his crown.
Even pretty lady book:agents have not
been treated with courtesy in the District
Attorneys office, but the hair.restorer man
is always welcome. Mr.. Burners private
stock of cigars and his jug are always at
this gay deceiver's disposal, and he always
sits 10 ME- Bruner's own private rocker.
But Mr.. Burners faith in hair-restoring
lymphs was badly shaken the other day.
A portly, rosy checked, silk hated indi.
vidual ttoated into the Deputy District At.
torneys august presence, and upon an
nouncing his business, was forthwith intro
duced to the refreshment locker. After re-
calling himself he declared that his lymph
was the greatest discovery of the age. He
would guarantee that two applications of it
to hairless pate-no matter how long
hairless-would produce a growth that
would put the Sutherland sisters to shame.
why, sir" he said, "l have been selling
this great discovery now for two wears. and
can show you stack of letters as high as
the Capitol from BARRIERS all over the United
States, IN which they declare that the hair
cutting business has more than quadrupled
since | have been selling this lymph"
Mr.. Bruner was elated. He would take
case of the discovery, and would make
his Internationally Post, George Eean.
Frank johnson and others-all happy.
Yes. sill" said the agent. ''end they will
bless you unto their dying day, and"
Just then lady tripped into the Office.
Mr. Bruner promptly removed his hat and
glanced significantly at the agent and q re-
porter who sat in the corner. The latter
took the hint and removed his hat. too.
Inc hair.restorer man was not to be out
done, and quickly jerked his silken tile off
and exhibited pate that for badness put
Mr.. Burners in the shade. He saw his
mistake and tried to get the hat on again,
but it was too late.
Mr.. Bruner held in his hand bottle of
the great discovery, and that hand trembled
violently, indicating that its owners soul
was perturbed. The lymph man turned
Tor the door. Mr.. Bruner whirled the
bottle about his head, as David slung his
sling, and the bottle caught the fleeing
agent, as David's pebble caught Goliath.
There" shouted Mr.. Bruner. Take
that home and use it yourself"
well, what holiday cheer did you offer
the prisoners down at the iail, Captain?n
asked benevolent looking old gentleman
of Police Captain Lee.
"Oh, We fold them all to hang I'D their
socks Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus
would do the square"
well, now, that was Lice, wasn't il?
| Sbarr !
"Humphi Out of twenty nine prisoners
10 the jail, only two pair of socks were
dug up"
Duck stories have been plentiful of late,
on the cars.
OF course everybody knows what relent.
less duck hunters Drs. Reid and Shaw are
and everybody has praised these gentle,
men and pointed to them with pride, on
account of the splendid bags" they always
bring home with them after DAVIS hunt.
| But story was told on them the other
day, probably by some envious Nimrod,
which is seriously iDjuring both doctors
heretofore brilliant records as huntsmen.
| The story runs thus:
The doctors went off on one of their reg
ular slaughiering expeditions few days
ago, and some scamp followed them, ''iust
to see how they did it, as the story is told.
| didn't get duck. They got plenty of
shots, but something was wrong either
with the ducks or the guns. But the
| doctors did not appear to be worried at all,
and laughed and joked each other on their
craftsmanship. As the shades of evening
began to fall, DR.. Shaw suggested that it
was about time to get some game and re-
turn home. DR.. Reid acouiesced, and they
| shouldered their guns and started down
the road to where they had hitched their
| buggy. They soon came up to Billy Plat,
who was also on his way home, with big
| load of ducks, After some bantering a
bargain was struck, and Plat parted COM
pany with his ducks. The game was
strung" and tied to the rear of the doctors
buggy and they started joyfully for home.
Here was the secret of tteir success as
huntsmen, and the envious scamp who had
followed them danced with glee
But the doctors die not have such nice
time of it that day as they usually did 1t
| appears that on the way home they stopped
at wayside inn for refreshments, and
while thus occupied somebody cut the
ducks loose from the wagon and sold them
to luckless and duckless hunter who hap
pened to be passing at the time with a
heavy heart and light game-bag.
The two doctors were very angry when
they discovered their loss. But they had
to have ducks, and seeing the luckless
hunter ahead of them on the road, thew
drove up 20 him, and, after much diff
with them for quite handsome price.
That was the second time they had pur-
chased the same ducks; but they were in
nOoont 1oro he