Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-02-05

"Who be it?' asked the deacon. ad-
! justing his glasses.
Ill be dadgast my gizzard eff it hahn I
Their parson an Indy said Skinner.
Wal. he's jes nachually got ter stop
! it er lick me- said the decon IAN III
hes ter say errbout it.
! The deacon went home, took down his
| old blCe jeans coat, got pair of trousers
| to match, which had been pulled too soon
| by about six inches at the bottom end OF
! the legs, used piece Of bed cord for sus-
gender. put on his old SLOUGH hat and
started for Wells residence, but Malindy
was not at home. Two evenings latter,
however, he found her there, and made
his wishes known as follows:
oval, Indy. I've he'd my eye sot on
ye ever .sence Sindy died, am yere ter ak
ye eff ye'ere wilIin ter jine me. -
''Jine you?, she asked in the most sar-
castle and scornful manner she could COM
mand.
"Ya-as"
"What do you mean?''
Eye know wat mean, well ernuff.
want We ter be my woman--ter line me
an live 18th meter be my wife Do 20
IN 'erstand?"
''Of course will notI'
"Won't Ell?
ono"
"W'y?"
Don't want you!"
Purity sassy, yer air.
81 can't help that | don't want you,
and will not jine you! Do you understand
that?'
"Uh-huh."
"WelI, good night then, said the girl
as she went to leave the room
''Say, hold on er mint"
what do you want?" demanded the
girl.
"Doncher think ye'd best change yer
mind, gal?"
NO! | shall never change it for you.
You had better wait until your last wife
gets cold before trying to get another,
think. But would never marry at all
| if you were my only chance, and it is use
less for you to press your suit any far
Their"
"Ye, an Their parsons gettin' purity
dad-blamed thick, an reckon it some's
O. his doins
at makes no difference You have al
ready killed FIVE wives, and tell you now
that you will never get a chance to kill me-.
and you had just as well leave or l will
make you"
Say, gal, I've got or good hum fer ye,
an We 'uiden't hev much O. ennything ter
do, only SIGH little chores es cuttin
wood, hoeing corn, suckerin' terbacker,
an
''Get out of here, l tell you," shouted
the girl, as she made for him with the
broom, and he got up and shook the dust
of the Wells plantation off his feet.
Returning home. he took short cut
through the mountains, and as he passed
along the narrow path under the bluff, on
the river bank, he met the parson, who
unconscious that they were rivals, ex-
| tended his hand to the enraged deacon.
But instead of grasping the parson's hand
the deacon began to take off his coat and
said:
Saw, parson, you We got me ter whup."
"W hat in the world is the matter with
you. would like to know?"
That matter enough, I'll whup ye er
| ye II whup me, one er luther"
why man what have | done to incur
your displeasure in such man ,er?"
Done er enuff, al I'll pit;h We often
| Their bank inter the river, - and he caught
| the parSon in his arms.
The parson was by far the smaller man,
but he decided to stick to the deacon
closer than brother while the irate dea-
cou commenced backing off toward the
bank, and, as he thought, hurl the little
p;lrson into the cooling stream, they both
| fell over, and the prison seemingly rode
| down the embankment on the carcass OF
| the deacon.
The water was not very deep, but the
parson was the best man of the two in the
| ]o34o i
three times, he asked:
Have you got enough"
Then I'll put you under till you do. ~
| and he dipped him three times more, and
the old fellow yelled:
Nutf. Lrmme oufen yere."
When both were out and standing on
the bank, the parson said:
well, deacon, as the matter IS now
| over, | would like to know what [ have
done to make you treat me in this man
| ner?"
wal, we've did er right smart. Fust
we've spilled Their gal | wuz er goin' ter
hev fer my mex wife, an LOW she won t
jine me-
who is ?"
"Lindy WeIs.'
| nave uOue nOlnlHg OF the Rlnu.
'Ye air er liar, an ye know it! Thar,
take ernuther bath,'' and he made a
plunge for the parson, who was standing
between him and the water, but the
sprightly parson stepped to one side and
| the deacon went in head first.
NOW" said the parson, "Fll keep you
in here until next Sunday, if you don't
take that back"
III never cutter" said the deacon, but
the parson was firm and pushed him off
every time he came near the bank, and at
last the deacon said:
wal, mebbe | wuz er jedgin' ye
wrong" and the parson helped him out
and each man went his way home.
A month after that the parson and
Malindy were married, and when the dea.
con heard of it, he said, regretfully:
Its purity dadgasted hard on er fellel
wen his wife's gone and died jes' W an
he nee0s er wife ther wust, an 'specshally
wen ther crops sufferin'; but W at hate
| Their wust is ter think at Their parson
preached Their ole woman s funeral when
she died, an Il en- sot cut an married the
very gall / he'd made up my mind tel
marry afore Siny wuz in 'er coffin
| ORIGION OF THE PHILOPENA.
| An Odd Legend From the German.
There was once BEAUTIFUL princess who
! vas very fond Of eating almonds, but who