The Critic and record., 1891-05-04
THE CRITIC
EBROED d.

tllNll . NNNl lNlB'l my HINN 0llhNt'
Never; the memory Of that bissful mo-
mcnt indeed ! regret to say almost
shorter period of timc) will always inger
in my mind. The recollection of the i'm
/ itial contact between my virgin peach
| blow face and the glittering damascus
/ blade is linked with the JOY of my first
| short pants and the extension of cloth that
/ followed. II goes hand and hand with
| the wild, hilarious Joy with which
/ shifted the peanut laden air and trod the
| sawdustcd ground of my first circus. 1t
| is a boon companion to the sweet thoughts
! of my first fire cracker. II bObs up mer-
| rily on the rear staircase of time between
| the first standing collar and the first coat
| with a tail. II matches in its reminiscent
| pleasure the first shaft from the archery
apparatus of the little god clothed like
Adam, before Adam discovered figs.
! For long time daily, almost hourly,
! consultations were held between my face
and the mirror, much to the disadvantage
! of the latter, which lost considerable
/ quicksilver caused by the bangs received
from my nose as buried my face i'm the
| glass endeavoring wildly To find more
! than four real dark hairs on my upper lip.
! 'One morning, with many inward re.
| prOaches for my cowardiCC in not ventur-
ing forth before, ] braccd up and hunted
for barber shop. II was not necessary
| to hunt long, for there were four such
| places within block of my house. |
was all right until the door was rea 1hed,
when my heart sank IN a way that made
| my legs trembe and ! would turn away
| like whipped dog. | went through this
performance eight times.
AT last in desperation that is born of
despair, ! rushed into a shop, dropped my
| hat several times before hung it up. fell
in chair and stared around me i'm
| petried way that attracted the attention
Of every one in the place, which to my
dismay was crowded. Men were shaved,
faces mopped, powdered and mopped
again BARRIERS shouted next in com
manding tones, small boys tried to trans
plant their whisps in the backs Of various
| gentlemen who meekly stood the attacks
and finally retreated to the street. saw
that my turn would come in five minutes.
Nerying myself for the ordeal | waited
excitedly for the awful summons of
| next to come. 1t came.
"'Hour turn next, young gentleman
exclaimed the sable guardian of the vel
vet cushioned chair.
How ever reached it IS unknown to
me- had dim consciousness of STUN
bling over man who was settling his
bill; then my trance was broken.
Hair cut short p exclaimed the tom
sorial impressionist.
10 this day have entertained con-
sistent malicious hatred toward that man
for the cruel remark about hair cut, but the
blood of my race was aroused-the major
ity of it in my face, | must admit
4" No sir | replied, shave
"a look of astonshment that was very
calling to me broke over the mans face.
Then the soul of the artist asserted itself.
He turned his back and yelled out to a
shop boy:
90 Hot water, Charlie attracting by
his loud tone the attention of customers
and BARRIERS alike.
In my inward soul knew they were
laughing at me. My barber seemed to do
| an unnecessary amount of stropping and
lathering. AT last the brush, warm with
feathery lather touched my cheek. When
| my face was covered with the white foam
| breathed easier. No one now could
tell whether had the beard of variety
actor or the nothingness of aschool boy.
'POising his razor in the air like the
sword of Damocles, the barber began.
When the cold steel touched my flesh an
ecstatic thrill ran from head to heel. But
one thing detracted from my Joy. No
grating sound Of disappearing beard
reached my ear The razor passed over
my face noiselessly, with a continuity of
motion that caused me sorrow. The final
shove was made. My face was slushed
with hot and then cold water The
powder-puff tickled my nostrils. The
barber oiled and ilattened my hair in
two scollops on my youthful forehead.
One final rub of the eyebrows
"'Next
81 jumped from the chair, won the
barbers heart by quarter tip, got on my
coat and hat in some uneXplainable man
ner, felt the whisk 1broom travel with
great force up and down my spinal
column. Leaving the brush fend tanning
the air rushed into the street and with
a great effort conquered the feeling togive
yell loud as old Archimedes, one that
would voice to the whole world the graft
| tying information that had been shaved
at last
| Two or three times year the police
raid an opium joint in this city, but very
rarely do they succeed in making case
against, the proprietor. The reason of
this is that it is almost impossible to get
witnesses against the keeper, and of course
without them nothing can be done. The
opium smokers stuck together, and even
when they are found in the place hit
ting the pipe" they will most always DENY
that they paid for the privilege.
,, zee Wah was in the Police Court again
the other day. One of the witnesses
called was Mr.. W. G. Metzger, a we'll
dressed, intelligent young fellow, who
gave his testimony in straightforward
way. He described the effect of the drug
ON his system, and illustrated the manner
of smoking and cooking opium by using
the pipes and lamp that were produced in
evidence. He said that sleepy feeling
comes over the smoker, accompanied by
the most delightful dreams, but after this
had passed off and the relaxation came
the sutferings of the smoker were ex-
| cruciating.
Something" he said, like the after
effects of the grip
Mr.. Metzger SAID it required six hours
out of the twenty-four for him to get him
self in condition to attend to ordinary
employments of life, He had been smok-
ing opium for about four years. When
he began half-a-dozen pills would put him
under the influence Of the drug. Now
fifty wouldn't doit.
| Last Friday painter was touching up
the cornice OF the second story in Ninth
street store. In order to reach it he placed
q ladder against the cornice, the foot of
the ladder resting upon the curb of the
sidewalk. Thus the ladder hung entirely
over the sidewalk and people passing that
way were obliged either to walk under
the ladder or get off the sidewalk, Re
membering the ancient and honorable
superstition of the evil luck Detailing the
one who walks under a ladder ! stopped
to see what would follow.
Several busy men passed under without
noticing their danger. Then came a group
of three substantial looking men, well
known in this neighborhood, VINO were
following their beaten path to Aman' s.
Some fifteen steps ahead of them was an
old colored lady, fat and a typical Vir-
ginia nanny She had almost reached
the spot when she glanced up and saw the
ladder. With a startled exclamation she
turned hastily aside and walked IN the
street around the ladder.
The three substantial-looking men who
were following their beaten path 10
Aman's stopped looked at the ladder, at
each other and then, without a word,
TUNED into the street in the Mnkn of