The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1891-02-15
HINTS FOR HOBOKHN!
Jersey People Tell How
They Would Prefer to
Commit Suicide.
JOE NO0NAN'S BRIGHT TALK.
Water Seems to Have Attractions
for Most, but Some Don't Care
to Go to Heaven by Sea.


in Frank o. Coles pharmacy in the Ber-
gen district gave direction to the gossip
of the town for day or two, as the topics
treated in The SUNDAY MORNING NEWS
are apt to do. by the way. And the stand
ing salutation of friend TO friend was
And what's your favorite pofson2''
Naturally The NEWS reporter caught
the infection and asked the question too.
Here are some of the answers
JOE NooNAE THINKS THIS.
81 really have never given this question
the consideration which it deserves"
said Assistant Prosecutor Noonan. ST
must confess that il should be suddenly
called upon to commit suicide would be
painfully embarrassed as to choice of
means. Still, undoubtedly, prudent
man ought to be prepared for such an
event, and should look upon it
as one Of the possible causalties
of human existence, like disease
or matrimony- Answering your query,
however, on the impulse of the moment
| may say that about as pleasant way as
know Of to shuttle of this mortal coil
would be to poison oneself gradually with
cumulative doses of terrepin and bur-
gundy. This method requires time and
money. The facilities offered by the Ho-
boken docks have attractions for some
people, but there is an element of often
sive publicity about them that is quite
shocking TO person of a sensitive dis
position. Paris green is decidedly yul-
gar, and blowing out the gas In your bed
room is too agricultural method to
find favor with men OF taste.
Putting bullet through ones brain, or
orfr
that was intended TO contain brain, is
a violent and tumultuous and altogether
reprehenslble proceeding. Throwing ones
self down before an approaching railroad
train is a clear violation of the statute
against obstructing the tracks. so. on
the whole, | rather incline to the
terrapin and burgundy style. OF
course. if a reasonable man couldn't
get the burgundy he ought to be
willing to compromise on some
good brand of champagne This is a
genteel and dfgnified method Of exit. If.
however, a fellow were in hurry TO get
out of this world and yet wanted to get
out of it as painlessly as is consistent
with such expedition, would recommend
him to listen or attempt to few remarks
delivered on almost any subject by my
namesake, that gallant eloquent, urDane.
accomplished gentleman, Colonel Thomas
Fulmenacious Noonan. The man for
WHOM SUCH al tApcIlcuSc QOtS uDb uO TUG
business may just as we'll make up his
mind that he IS doomed to live forever.
THE BRINY DEEP.
Counsellor c. q. Black preferred the
briny deep. He said:-sTf I wanted to go
ont of this world / would tie a stone
around my legs and jump overheard.
Ex-Mayor Henry Traphsgen ST don't
care for any way in particular, this world
is good enough for me, particularly when
/ don't know what the next world may
prove TO be-"
Corporation Attorney James f. Min
turn of Hoboken, replied:-'I prefer
drowning, think. It is considered
dition to that it gives man chance to
change his mind. This, Of course, is
matter to be considered in an attempt at
suicide"
'The easiest way of committing suicide
that know Of" said George Poynton,
clerk of the Building Inspector, sis to
Jump into sewer. G, they tell me,
take when he sized me up as member of
his own tribe.
Building Inspector Benjamin sat an at
tentive listener TO the conversation.
well, think this world is too bright,
with all che complaints of nuisances that
are filed, for anyone to desire to leave it.
But | think drowning Is the easiest
death"
HOw's THE NEWARK AVENUE CROSSING?
City Clerk Scott coincided with this
opinion. Only the CITY clerk thought
death would come quicker if heavy
weight was attached 10 the body.
City Collector O'Neill dittoed the City
Clerks opinion, and all the clerical staff
of the City Clerk was Of the City Clerks
Clerk James E. Connolly of the Tax
Board said:-"If was going 10 commit
suicide I'd stand on the Pennsylvania
Railroad crossing of Newark avenue
about eight o'c,ock Saturday evening""
Tommy Fallon, the Street and Water
Board janitor. said:-"Ditto.
President Michael I. O'Donnell of the
Tax Board, after expressing his belief
that poison was the easiest way to end
life, said:-"If you quote me in such a
ridiculous story I'll lick you on sight"
And the Tax Board president meant pre-
cisely what ne said. Honestly, he was
mad.
Justice Weed advanced the most @s-
thetic idea. Yet, the Judge would hesi-
tate In such an emergency. First, he told
me he'd bind u sponge saturated with
cnloroform to his mouth and go OFF to
sleep. Then the Justice changed. his
mind. II think, upon second considera-
tion," he said, II should adopt this
course: First secure four quart bottles
Of champagne aud bottle OF
ether Mix the ether win Que
of the bottles after drinking
the best portion Of the champagne from
the bottle selected to mix with the other.
Shuttle them all up, SO that you will not
know which bottle contains the ether,
and drink the contents of all foul of
them. Then go and lay down and die
The idea of shooting oneself or cutting an
artery to bleed slowly TO death is too
nasty death. BahI'
Tx Judge John A McGrath was mat
ter OF fact and indicated that he read the
doings iii Hoboken as chronfcied ia THE
NEws:-.I- wonld go TO Hoboken ana
then drown myself, = be said.
Sheriff McPhiinps, VINO has only en-
loved brief term OF Office and all the
pleasantness it brought, said.-ssI don't
want TO commit suicide at all; prefer TO
live. have no choice
John p. No0nan, the assistant clerk of
the Board OF Ffeeholders. said;-sI'm not
any death suits me but being
talked to ueath; that's too horrible"
DON'T omit FLOWERS"
Surrogate james +. O'Neil said:-
"When | commit suicide want TO be
by fragrant flowers
John Boyd, clerk of the Board Of Free
holders:--"I think drowning is the cash
est. was nearly drowned twice aud
really found il pleasant. II Is also de-
iighlful to be snffocated by kisses
Martin Logan had evld entity made
study OF tile sub ject. He sAid:-"I
would I'll up on Horseshoe whiskey and