Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-04-02
a PARADISE ron M.klNLEv.
Discovery of . Suitable Retreat for the
Napoleon OF Protection.

a PARADISE FOR M'KlNLEY.
Discovery of Suitable Retreat for the
Napoleon OF Protection.
Ever since my dear friend Maj. Nc
Kinley was defeated in Ohio 1 have |
been looking round for residence fer
him At last have found it, have |
taken a house for the major and the
sooner he packs mp his trunks and gets
Gut of Ohio the quicker he can enter
into the enjoyment of this terrestrial
paradise. The house I have selected
for the major is in Ponte Tresa- Ponte,
my dear major, means bridge, and the
Tresa is small river which issues
from Lake Lugano and runs to Lake
Maggiore. When the major comes to
live here he will find this a truism in
Europe-that the more unenlightened
country is the higher are its protective
duties. / have picked out q house for
the major on the Italian side OF the
bridge, because in Italy, that down
| trodden, tax-ridden monarchy, the pro-
| tective duties are much higher than
! just across the bridge in Switzerland,
| which is an enlightened little republic.
| When the major looks out of his win
| dow he will see one of the prettiest blue
lakes in the world; and before him will
| rise the high mountains that border
Lake Lugano both in Italy and in
| Switzerland.
| The steamer leaves Ponte TreSa for
the other end Of the lake two or three
times a day, and as fares are reasona-
bly, cheap expect that the major will
spend a good deal of his time on board
| the little steamers of Lake Lugano.
| After his first trip to the other end OF
the lake the major will understand why
1 call this spot Mckinley paradise.
The steamer starts from the Swiss side
of Ponte Tresa. 1t goes for perhaps
! thirty rods and then draws up at the
wharf on the Italian side. The moment
the steamer crosses the imaginary line
| between Switzerland and Italy the two
Italian custom house officers who are on
the boat come forward. Everything is
opened and examined, and there are
placards up on the steamer saying in
four languages that if you have any to-
bacco or cigarettes you must declare
them on entering Italy, no matter how
small quantity you have.
While we were sitting in the boat,
waiting for it to start, on the Swiss
side of the bridge, had the pleasure
of making the acquaintance of a manu-
facturer from Pennsylvania. He was
staying at a town on Lake Maggiore
and had come over for the day to look
at Lake Lugano and take a trip from one
end to the other. We got to talking about
protection, of course, and he told me
that everything he had he owed to pro
lection. He believed that protection
had been the making of America, and
the reason he was able to tour in
Switzerland and in Italy was because
of protection in America. 1 asked him
how many of his workmen were tour
ing in Europe at this time, but that, he
said, wasn't the point. Just then the
boat started and the Italian custom Of
ficers came and made him open his va
lise. He hadn't much in it except a
supply of cigarettes, some guide books
and other necessary articles for day S
trip. He opened his valise and they
spied the cigarettes at once. They said
, the duty would be five francs.
''Great heavens" he cried, ''they
didn't cost that much originally
The Italians shrugged their shoulders
and said it would be five francs.
, ''Come," said to the Pennsylvania,
'stand up for your principles; pay for
your cigarettes and he paid
The next stop the boat makes is on
the Swiss side. As soon as we crossed
{ the line, two Swiss officers, in differ
ent sort of uniform, wanted the Penn
sylvanian to open his valise. He did so
{ and they looked through it rather cas-
ually. They said nothing about the
cigarettes, because cigarettes are very
cheap in Switzerland, almost as cheap
{ as they are in America, on account OF
the small duty there is upon them.
r THANK goodness" said the Pennsyl-
: vanian, '.this is over
t s'You oughtnt to growl about a thing
5 like that; that is the mere working OF
protectionism; still, wouldn't be too
t thankful that it is over just yet if I
, were YOU
'sWeH," he said, ''as both the Italians
: and Swiss have gone through my valise,
: don't see what more is to be DONE
'sYou watt 1 said. l had been there
] before.
: The next stop was on the italian
n Italian custom house officers came uI
= smiling and asked to see what was In
9 the valise.
o ''Great heavens!" cried the American
f 81 have just showed you
r ''Ah, true said the Italians, shrug
: | ging their shoulders, ''but since thai
t time we have been in Switzerland; now
t we are entering Italy again. 1t will bt
five frances they said, ''for the cigar
: ettes.''
L Then the Pennsylvania lost his tenn
y per. There is no use in doing that in
e foreign country where you don't un
G derstand the language very well. The,
y don't understand your profanity, ant
= you are not versed in theirs, and SO yo1
are under disadvantage. He refused
n to pay. Then they said they woult
Y have to seize them, baggage and all
e He paid very gloomily. After touchin.
II at Italy we once more struck owe
Il to Switzerland, and the Swiss Gus
tom house officers were then in tn
u ring. The Pennsylvania came u
IS rather groggy and opened his valise
Il They smiled, chailzed the portmantea1
}, and let it pass.
n ''Where is our next stop" he asked.
d s'In Italy," was the answer.
| The the headed fo