davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31

How He Got Even.

Big Ed Markham, formerly cashier Of
the Tribune, but now an advertising
man with big bank account, is prac-
teal Joker. Many is the victim that he
has impaled on the harpoon of his wit,
and it was one of them that got even
with him the other day.
Mark ham was "broke." That is, he
didn't have a solitary penny in his
pocket to Jingle against his keys, though
his check was good for hundreds. 1t
was late at night. and he had just made
up his mind to walk home when he met
one of the victims of his nimble wit
and told him the facts in the case.
The victim told him to get on car with
him and ride home. Pretty soon the
conductor came around. The victim
gave him nickel. The conductor held
out his hand to Markham, who made a
gesture toward his friend. The friend
looked intently at one of the advertising
signs.
Fare, please" said the conductor.
Markham turned to his friend. "Didn't
you pay ?" said he.
"Pay !" was the response "Why
should l pay? | don't know you"
"Oh, come; Joke is a joke, but this
is serious. Give the conductor a
nickel'
"Why, [ never saw you before in my
life. What are you talking about ?"
Markham begged and pleaded with the
friend, but all to DO purpose. He re-
fused to recognize him.
A few moments later a profane pedes-
train was seen walking south. The
conductor had put him off the car. A
chuckle that could be heard as far as the
Indiana line was also going south. 1t
came from one of the victims of Mark
hams pratical jokes, who had at last
''got even" -Chicoqo MesI.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31

corner stood large Japan
mem vase SO wide and deep. Up to this
Mr. climbed to df or n it's ' capa ee
nau bol,nw we found seventeen candles,
ous zone burned down perhaps an
e ineh Some former ledger had re-
l lnon the candle swindle like our
s selues and had put his daily allowance
e wneie That night brilliant illumina-
t;on Of nineteen candles, each set in its
o ti1n 81 gr qsne' on the marble-top table,
cove ns something like light. During
en stav we hid and accumulated can
1 1ias 60 that we had always enough to
read bv. and when we left we deposited
orr oyerstock in the vase for the hene-
fit of some searching successor. =
Np,r York Times.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31
Beer at an Imperial Banouet.

= Az the state banquet given by the
emperor OF Austria in honor of the Sax
on Prince and the Austrian Archduchegs
louise, huge tankard of Bohemian
glass Tiled with Pilsner beer was hand
soup. ai'oi 'iio
!. Inc archdukes and indeed nearly all
.ne men present drained theirs to the
seIy iast drop without removing the
g.ass from their lips, while Edward
o snd usS ana his orchestra, attired in red
anu ano gold Tor the occasion, played an ap-
proprlate potpourri taken from "Cayal-
leria Rusticana." ~ "'ai
before the close of the BANQUET the
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31
They We're Paid For.

Every traveller who stops at Paris
lodging house," laughed woman the
other day, "has candle story, and
here is mine: We were served with
two candles every morning, which we
never half used up; these would be
taken out, however, and fresh ones ap-
pear in their places. Knowing that we
we're being charged for every candle.
we determined at least to enjoy added
illumination, and my husband looked
around for place to hide them during
the daily doing up of the apartment.
On the top shelf of a cabinet arrange
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31
Hair and Bearu

This morning, say !Io =
Dispatch IT. Frank IS;nes!
now resides in lnalirD M
into town. No one Om d 4
Frank Smiley Tno j nd
wore a full beard a altb a
a very thick gr0 Who a
parent stranger 79 bssa udi 4
an entire bald he"u;
eyelashes;: Or o;e eyeDff22issns;I
recognized him. Love d
grocery store W 'ne eeroi
years he asked tng JoeSbsl
him. The grocer lO''
head. r.onk ST
"Why, I am f rad 81
caller, and he 'o = rsersI
long ago | had o q rc
grippe. Ny he "a eilf5
One morning whllt that |
fast table | saw ,ot w.
fallen into my plssiift't fell
my mustache anu land
I next put my :. In in 4
my hair fell lh oq' and
went to a ba nrasd. but
ing it he rubbed hbdsyd, eye.
off. My bea,u earl in y
brows came 30 4p had % 4
my headache .eh g1if is''
better in my NC
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31
Thirty Minutes to Ut

James G. Clark, of thl'
New Haven dispatch, disco :
time ago that he needed y
some English stockholders
alton whose annual meetlH
Western city next week.
that the quickest and surg
be to- send a messenger o)
proposed to send one OF u
The five men in the olll
hesitated, whereupon
Johnson, his stenograPn1
go. There was just an lg y
make preparations, but VI
Miss johnson was on %
depot and a few hours IN,
aboard q steamship, IneI
on November %, and reS'I
on December 2. III
At Liverpool Miss JoI
that the fast boat on WIliI
to sail on the 9th had
and that q slow ten-da!j
substituted. This would
in New Work before the
would be too late. hel u
was to perform her ~ 2,
to sail on the 5thY Y
Miss Johnson had to IS! y
London, Exeter ana Da''
This meant to tfS'SJ I'D
rail in less than three o w.
business people ana ~. @
pose for which M snon,d
their proxies. It seST ii
possible, but Mis- SI,, ~
plished it, and a caq lnTr,
brought him the ln, uod i
Johnson had s .3 eth
proxies and sailed 3.o WIN tn
Servia, which is due ="
York ON Monday.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31
Kindness o.

m
But who shall speak for tbos.
dumb? -'ose WhOsl
The poor. brave brutes, With
feet that go and come pada|
To do our bidding, toilinr nn
fee, vi WlthOI
Wearing their lives awov
and me. ~ poor tli
The brave, dumb things nor.
say, "What do We soq ~ voice
Am l not mans most faithh, :,
and not his foe? Ssrs
Give me one kind, caressirc
heavy load, '''o Won
Nor torture me along the w..
thong and goad." ""! EG
CAROrn,
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31

Emperor raised his glass -,
against that of the shs;s and
latter, to acknowledge ttH6e es 70
from his seat, stood s VI loI
made the military saI' az al
looking at the Emperoo,se q
corder. 0p'-Asp
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31
| NJ &.
BY HARRIET FRANCES ROSTER.

BY HARRIET FRANCES ROSTER.
Comes another New-Year's day!
Time passes on so fast,
That another year has gone
To be with the silent past.
Some say the Old Years dead
And yet twas never born,
They talk about its dying
1t has simply come and gone.
In time there is no life,
'Tis nothing of animate kind,
1t comes and goes unseen,
AS comes and goes the wind.
Time and wind are kindred things
Though the thought is trif1e odd
Wind is the breath of Nature,
And time is the breath of God.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31

The skin of black deer is worth
about $500. One of these animals has
recently been seen in Maine, and hunt
ers are after it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-12-31
DON
I Ron

Rrahge cas-
-, to me e,
3DiscoveI,
Eakes hold
nor.
toNALD KE
{oou: Abou
/ side and
4, Years, and
ls.cc11 did it
|sfesd to het
La in my
'rch Twas II
Ivy bed ID
pe' as in th|
Ese,overy v
|, before ID
Ek in the M
\ my left ey
! became al
eitd the left
' sine, since I 4
LEFT LEFT my II
.sht light Of
n !
led att. an
Very. Va.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
TO-M0RROW'S HERALD.
Still Another Star Number-A Great Paper for
Sunday Reading.

The SUNDAY HERALD is now a household
word in Utah and the surrounding country as
the most attractive and readable journal west
OF the Mississippi river. 1t has the pick OF
newspaper contributors and correspondents
Its foreign and domestic telegraphic service is
fun and ample Its mining and local news
comprises everything of interest that is stir
ring. Its special literary, fashion, social,
juvenile and illustrated features are catchy and
entertaining. Its editorials are vigorous and
timely. In a word. its table OF contents is
spread to please, instruct and divert wide and
varied circle of readers. Without being frivo-
lous it is bright and spirited Nothing of con
Germ to the people escapes it
To-morrow's HERALD Will contain contrlbu
tons by FRANK G. CARPENTER, FANNIE B.
WARD, BILL NYE, and other well-known writ
ers, q double-columu likeness OF Secretary
RUsK, weekly dramatic and musical review,
ard various other features not named above
that are too numerous to particulariZe.
The circulation of THE HERALD is steadily
growing. Il is best known at the homes of the
people, where its columns of reading matter
and advertisements are perused with. never
failing interest. No other medium approaches
it in this territory for reaching the substantial
citizens. and during the holiday season it will
be consulted by thousands before making theii
purchases.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
UNDER THE CHES rNUT TREE.

Fishermen's lies often seem to them to have
reel foundation. - Yonhers Gazette.
The Prodigal son was young man who went
wrong; but he came back again -PicdVune.
There would not be so much room at the top
if an elevator ran up there Christmas Puck.
Horse sense is pretty good thing to have at
times 1t teaches fellow to say neigh. 70
CHI. Ster Post.
A Western balloonist has been sued for debt.
He evidently does not pay as he goes, or he
would pay up YonksrS Statesman.
This world is so crowded that you can't pat
one man on the back without stepping on an
other mans toes when you do it.-Atchison
Gko6s
First Damsel-But I thought he said he
would never speak to you again. Second
Damsel-O, yes; but he saw / had cold. and
he couldn't resist the temptation to tell me of a
sure cure-Pick He Up
Poor old Lushforth fell down and broke the
trestle Of his nose" Don't you mean the
bridse?' "You might call it a bridge. but as no
water passes under it. 1 thought the other
word better. "-Iadianapolis Journal.
Mr.. De Brute-My vile has a dog which
knows 100 different tricks. Wouldn't you like
to have him? Showman-Indeed I would. Is
he for sale? mo" Wont she sell at any
priceT" No" Then why do you speak to me
about him!" ~ was in hopes that you would
steal him" -Judge
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

dishonest, not to say desperate,
and arouse in them fanatical
opposition which might give the govern
ment more trouble than it already has
had. But the Mormon people could be
placed under everlasting obligations to
keep good faith with the government in
their abandonment of polygamy, if those
at the head thereof were broad-minded
enough to take them at their word, trust
them, and deal with them in frank and
manly way, saying to them, 1--WE trust
you, we believe you mean what you say;
and while we rejoice in our victory over
the institution which you believe was d.
vine, we have no disposition to oppose you
OF fiaunt our victory in your faces We
are satisfied if you obey the laws; and now,
go your way, we are confident that our
triumph is permanent, we have full conf
dence in the Christian civilization of cur
age being able to hold the ground that we
have taken by the force of law, and we
think you incapable OF an act of punic
faith" 1t takes broad-minded statesman
ship to talk in that way, however, aud that
we need not expect from the present in
cumbent of the Presidential chair.
At bottom we are of the opinion that
1t is not question Of trust
or distrust of the Mormon people,
or of the readiness of Utah for
statehood; but it is question as to whether
Utah would send to Congress two Repub-
lican Senators, a Republican Representa-
tive, and three Republican electors to the
next PRESIDENT al electoral college; and as
that is not likely 10 occur pretext must
be found for keeping Utah out of the union,
and this miserable subierfuge of distrust
of the people Of Utah is resorted to. 1t
means this: The Republican party in
effect says to the people of Utah: Gentle
men, you can have your full measure OF
liberty if you will be Republicans
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
SPECIAL POLICEMEN,

The HERALD learns that parties are 90
ing from house to house soliciting employ
ment as private watchmen. They ask that
the residents of certain district will con-
tribute enough to pay for this special pa
troll. 1t is something Of reflection unon
the police administration that such a pro
ceeding should be deemed necessary. and
yet everybody recognizes that it is neces.
sary, very little protection against thugs
and burglars being furnished by the NUM-
cipal constabulary. 1t is also a shame that
citizens should be asked to bear this bur-
den in addition to the awful load of taxa
ton which has been put upon them. It seems
however, that there is no escape, and that
if people would have any sort of protec-
ton beyond that which each indiyidua,
can afford himself, they must pay for it.
besides maintaining police force for
show purposes.
But what we want to say now Ia. the
people should not employ these private
watchmen without knowing something of
the character and responsibility of the
men. No accusation Is made against an ~
of the gentlemen who are soliciting for
weekly contributions, and they may all be
reliable and trustworthy, yet some of them
at least are not known by the citizens who
are asked to employ them. IT one hires a
Waterman he wants to place absolute con-
tidence IN him, and we don't believe
this can be done in the cases of all the mon
who are requesting citizens to hire them
Furthermore, these private watchmen. to
be effective in their labor must be commis-
stoned with certain police powers by the
mayor and city council, hence it stands the
municipal fathers in hand to see that no
one Is appointed special officer whose
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

THOUGH THE constitution of New York
REQUIRES that an enumeration of the inhabi-
tants shall be taken every ten years, and
an spportionment of the senatorial districts
be made therefrom, yet there have been nc
such enumeration and superintendent s,noe
1875. The last superintendent was unfair
al the time and has been growing more and
more so every year. Governor HILL, in
his message of 1888, stated the truth when
he said "no Legislature since 1883 has
represented the political majority of the
people of the state" Since 1875 there has
been but one Republican governor and he
was elected by reason or a split in the
Democratic party, and yet in all that time
there has been but one Democratic Iepisla-
ture, though New York's population has
increased over q million, mostly in Demo-
ratio cities. $685. S-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

Mr.. SPRINGER's plan to do away with
the MCKINLEY tariff by piece-meal is all
very we'll, if the Senate protectionists will
kindly assent. Free wool. free salt, free
lumber, free coal, and free binding-twine
would be a great card for the country and
the Democratic party. But we apprehend
that as soon as the House passes a separate
bill for the repeal of the tariff duty on any
one of these articles. and sends it over to
the Senate, some protectionist in the latter
body will tack on by way of an amendment
q full code of tariff duties, including every
articls now taxed. And there is nothing
to prevent him from doing so.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
A SAFE INVESTMENT.

Is one which is guaranteed to bring you
satisfactory results, or in case Of failure a
return of purchase price. On this safe plan
you can buy from our advertised druggist q
bottle of DR.. Kings New Discovery for
consumption. 1t is guaranteed to bring re
lief in every case, when used for any affec-
ton Of throat, lungs or chest, such as con
sumption, Inflammation of the lungs, bron
ehitis, asthma, whooping cough, Group, etc
etc. 1t is pleasant and agreeable 10 taste,
perfectly safe, and can always be dependee
upon.
Trial bottles free at A. G. Smith & Co.,
druggists;
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

character and responsibility cannot be
vouched for by trustworthy citizens
We mention this matter because of the
numerous inquiries which have come to
this office concerning the men who are So
liciting employment as special watchmen
in various districts of the city,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
i SOUND LIyEa AAKEs A wEhb hAN.

Are you bilious, constipated or troubled
with iaundice, sick headache, bad taste in
mouth, foul breath, coated tongue, dyspep-
sia, indigestion, hot dry skin, pain in back
and between the shoulders, chills and
fever, etc. II you have any of these symp-
toms, your liver is out Of order and your
blood ID slowly being poisoned, because
your liver does not act properly. Herbiue
will cure any disorder Of the liver, stomach
or bowels. 1t has no equal as a liver med
icine. Price rs cents. Free trial bottles
At 2. G. M. l. drug department
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

THE YOUNG lady who pleads guilty to
murder in order to escape being questioned
about personal matters, and then volun-
teers to take position placing her whole
career under investigation exhibits a sort
of courage that is very rare.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

NOTWITHSTANDING AMERICAN exports are
and have been very heavy, with imports
light, thus giving this country a large bal
ance Of trade, precious little gold is COM
ing from abroad. How is thata
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
WEATHER INDICATIONS.

The indications furnished by the United
States agricultural department through
MIR. Kerkam in San Francisco:
Fair heather; slightly cool.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

IL THE annual report of the civil service
commissioners they say: 1.-THE govern
ment employees should be left free to con-
tribute or not TO whichever party they
choose, without being subject to particle
Of outside pressure
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

"Oh, how nice and soft your hands are,
what are you using?" "The ArnicsteG
Eureka Cream, the best 1 ever tried and
wouldn't be without it. Our druggist
recommended it as the finest preparation
for the skin and it is surprisingly cheap at
25 cents q bottlen
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

AMONG THE omissions of President HAIR
R1soS, in reviewing the operations of the
agricultural department, is the absence of
all reference to the rain-making expert
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

TALMAGE PREACHED last Sunday in the
Brooklyn tabernacle a sermon that has
been in print since 1873. But 1t was his
own.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

Mrs. HARRISON, of the White House, has
established rule of seeing no newspaper
interviewers whatever.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
SILVER AND LEAD.

Bar silver was quoted in New York yes
terday at 951S.
Lead. 40
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

A NEW dress of type for the Congress-
5ondl Record costs $4,000. There are 100
tons of it, and it is renewed every three
or four years.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

MINNESOTA is getting everything now-a-
days. MIR. LEWIS A. GRANT, the present
assistant and acting secretary Of war, Is to
be promoted to the first place
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

OK SEVENTEEN ballots ten Pennsylvania
Democrats divided equally in their votes
for CRISP and MILLS.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

AS WE read his explanations, Tom REED
is in Congress to let the boys have fun
with him.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

OUR ESTEEMED and gallant morning con-
temporary has probably discovered that
public opinion is too coquettish to be
monkeyed with.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

RUSSELL SAGE is now attending to busi-
ness at a new stand 1t is understood he
has received the congratulations of the
Gar
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

The CLASSIFIED civil service now con-
tsins $4,000 of the government employees.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

LIFE INSURANCE premiums have not de
creased since the assault on RUSSELL SAGE
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

For bracing up the nerves, purifying the
qlood and curing sick headache and dyspep,
STA, there is nothing equal to Hoods Sar-
saparilla @
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

THEY KEPT the dark horse hitched out in
the woods during the speakership contest.
He is no longer a favorite
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
j ust
"a,

In Just "a hours J. Y. 9. relieves constipation
and sick headaches, After it gets the system
under control an occasional dose prevents return.
We refer by permission to w. H. Marshall, Bruins.
wick House, S. F.; Geo. A.Werncr, 531 California
St., S. F.; Mrs. c.. Melvin, 156 Kcarny St, s. F.,
and many others who have found relief from
constipation and sick headaches. CIV Vincent,
OF Terrence Court, S. F. writes: al am 60 years
OF age and have been troubled with constipation
for 20 years. was recently induced TO try Joys
Vegetable sarsaparilla. l recognized in it at
once an herb that the Mexicans used to give us
in the early SOS for bowel troubles Il came to
California in 1882 and knew it would help me
and it has. For the first time in years can sleep
well and my system is regular and in splendid
condition. The old Mexican herbs in this remedy
are certain cure in constipation and bowel
troubles" AK for
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
DIRECTORS.

DIRECTORS:
F. c. CHAMBERS, President
HEBKR J. GRANT, Vice. President
+. Il. DYER JOHN T. GAME
/. A. SMITH, THOMAS MARSHALL.
81. RAwLINs r. W. Young,
j. w. JUDD, Gro CULIINs
JOHN IL WEDER, SIMON BAhBERGER
HORACE G. WHITNEY
Business Manager.
The DAILY HERALD is published every morn
ing. Mondays excepted at THE HERALD
block, corner West Temple and First South
streets, Salt Lake city, by THE HERALD
PUBLISHING COMPANY. Subscription price, in
advance sl0Oo per annum, post paid.
THE SEMI WEEKLY HERALD is published every
Wednesday and Saturday morning Price, in
advance. so.UU per year; six months Sl.i5 post
paid.
THE SUNDAY HERALD IS published every Sun
Cay morning Price. in advance ESQ per an
nun. post pad.
SUBSCRIBERS will confer q favor by forwarding
information tc this Office when their papers
Sic not promptly received. This will aid US 10
determine where the fault lies
ALL communications should be addressed to
THE HERALD,
Salt Lake City Utah
CITY DELIVERY.
BY The year Invariably in advancs) 90
By the month ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. loo
BY the week ~
J. T. DUNBAR & Co.. Circulators.
Entered at the Postonace at Salt Lake City
Utah, for transmission through the mails as
second-clGss matter
FRIDAY, December, II, 1891
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12
WONDERLAND.

MISS BELLE CARTER, the Lady with the
Horses Name
WILLIAMS WONDER WORKERS,
LONG LIST OF NEW ATTRACTIONS.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-12

Entered at the Posto1ice at Salt Lake City,
Utah, for transmission through the mails as
second-class matter.