The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-10-24
HE KNEW 1T ALL.
The Professor of Universal knowledge
Meets His Glasses.

Meets Ills Glasses.
The Hon Carlyle Smith. p. o. O.,
having been called to the Chair of Uni
versal Knowledge by the trustees of
the Kennebunkport University, met his
classes for the first time the other day.
"If the young gentlemen have any
questions to ask, said he, after he made
his bow, 81 wish they would begin.
find that the best way to impart mis-
cellaneous information, of which uni
versal knowledge is largely made up, is
to have students elicit facts by soliciting
statistics"
"Who were the chilly saints, pro-
fessor?" asked n mild-mannered youth,
with long red mustache.
"The Chilly Saints" returned the
professor promptly, 'were three in
number-St. Panlcitius, st Liberatus
and st. Servatius. Their names are not
mentioned prominently among the more
fashionable saints of the Holy Writ,
whence is derived their chill. 1t was
cold day when they were left. They
are celebrated on May II, 12 and IS,
and are held responsible by agricul-
turists for the annual running of the
peach crop by frost, which, if you have
observed closely, occurs at about that
period of the year. Next"
81 have heard frequent mention of
the Long Parliament, professor" said n
student from Hobolcen, who was much
interested in politics. 'Can you in
form me as to what that was?"
Certainly, SIR" returned the pro-
fessor. The Long Parliament met on
the third day of November, 1G40 but
soon got into hot water with Cromwell,
who managed to dissolve it in 1858. 1t
abolished everything but itself, and
made Il square effort to make itself i'm
mortal, but was unsuccessful, owing,
as have said, to the fact that it got
into hot water, which is fatal to genius,
upon which alone immortality may
rest"
Thank you," observed the student
from Hobolten. THAT clears away a
misapprehension under which | have
been laboring for some time. thought
perhaps the billion-dollar congress was
the long parliament but l perceive
that there is a distinction where there
would seem to be no difference"
w dS bluO ECldJCu w LEJllCGo1 tloNCNl
a special student who had left Harvard
for his health.
"Yes," returned the professor.
"Eneas promised Dido that she should
be sister to be him, and the record
shows that Eness always fulfilled his
contracts. Anything more?"
"How do you pronounce Popocata,
petl?" asked the captain of the football
team.
volcanic" said the professor, with a
glance at his watch.
"Much obliged, sir" returned the cap
tain Of the football team; "but meant,
what do you consider the proper pro-
nunciation of the word?"
"Worcester's," said the professor.
"And what is that2" queried the cap
tain, persistently.
'Really, my dear SIR" demonstrated
the professor, you should remember
that this is not primary class Yor
ought to have known before entering
college that that is in this instance {
pronoun."
81 should like to be informed, pro
fessor," said the matter-of-fact stnden
| lFOn Sdmueu, lIOLu Nudu ChS LSlL
His Nibbs' is derived"
81 am glad you have asked me tha
question, because it enables me to i'm
part to you a bit of information which
has hitherto escaped the Argus eye o
the educated world. His Nibbs' is +;
term of Indian nufacture-thougl
not derived from any Indian word-anc
signifies serene highness. 1t was ap
piled by them first to William Penn
the title Nibbs being suggested by tn
famous Quaker's surname. 1 prefe
that you should keep silent, however
on this topic for some weeks. Yet, sine
the information which have given yoI
is entirely original with myself, AM
owing to the fact that my library
now stored beyond my reach in Cali
fornia, along with my shaving material
and spring overcoat, 1 have been un
able to adduce the evidence l desire t.
establish my theory beyond preadven
! ture''
And then as the professor dismisse
his class he sighed heavily,-N. y
: World