The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-12-31
WIT AND IIUMOR.

Many men keep their regulations
1 polished only that they may outshine
their neighbors. Ia IS SJtin}s.
The watch that is placed over the
/ peoples interests ut the polls must not
/ be a repeater Washington STR.
Tnc doctors profession shows how
! theory never helps man through
without practice. Washington str.
| An exchange remarks: Honesty
1t fears dishonesty.-1eras Strings.
/ Nurses make the meanest kind of
white cap gentry. for they will even
/ hold up babies. dn,ericdn.
Photographers are never progress
i've. They always impress you with
the idea that vou r-ust not move
Richmond Recorder.
Did you ever notice how idiotic the
smile of a pretty girl ;s-when it is
| directed toward some one Bing-
hanltoa Republican.
Mamma. why do they put the pict-
urc of an eagle on dollars?" 10
show that money flies, my dear" "
| Baltimore Anssricta.
The rattlesnake is probably the old
est of all snakes in the world. They
got ratified in the garden of Eden
Neoo Orleans Ftcayune.
Mrs. Wickwire-"Yet, when yon fell
in love with me" Mr.. Wiekwire
Il didn't fall in. / WAS dragged in."
Indianapolis Journal.
I,nrx pii
| Grace-.Y-e-s. I've kept one for the
| first week in January for the last seven
years. ~. Y Herald.
De Canter-''Is there any sure way
| to tell the age of horse?' De Trot-
ter-"Yes. Ask the dealer and multi
ply by two. IN. \. Weekly.
1t is very rare nowadays that the
office seeks the man; and even when
such thing occurs the chase is usu-
ally very sluggish.-1e1lS Sytings.
Men are unlike trees in one impor-
tant respect-with men it is just after
the fall that they begin to acquire a
shady reputation. Baltimore -4mers-
| can.
NO l never play poker with Skin
/ IltI. liz Is tOO NelSullit. Eli.
He seems to be able to turn his hand
to anything he chooses. "-Ladia,sapolis
Journal.
You can tell more about mans
character by trading horses with him
once than you eau by hearing him
talk for year in prayer meeting
Rams Horn.
Landlady-'1 am afraid those towels
are too small" Clerk They are our
regular size for boarders. madam"
Landlady-''I know. but | want them
for myself. y Cloak ReuieaO.
II like fun rs wen rs anybody" he
said, pleasantly. out | always take
care to know just how far to 60"
Yes she answered. with Il yawn,
"but not how early. - Washington
| Star.
De Bull-"How did you enjoy your
self ut Restful Beach2' De Bear
First rate. Got all the city papers
/ before breakfast and there was Il stock
ticker i'll the reading-room. GOOD
| NelOS.
Il read myself to sleep on Dante's
Inferno last night, but I'll never do
it again" "Why2 Did you have bad
dreams?n Il should say SO. | thought
was walking the floor with the baby
all night. "-Bntiio Express.
Mr.. r. T. Turner How is Bingers
rs ever?" Mr.. Staidthere-"O. yes.
But his hand is open now in the hope
that some one will drop something in
to il. "-Iadtaap0Iis J0arnal.
ut is great pity" said the sports
mans wife after he had told her of his
days experiences. What isp' he
asked. That fish can't grow as
rapidly before it is caught as it does
aftcrwa,a. Washington Star.
Doctor-"You should not drink 90
much Bourbon: it will do You no per-
manent good. You should drink milk
for it contains all the clements of
| Blood Patient-''But I'm not blood
thirsty. - pharmaceutical Era.
William Ami want YOU to come
and take that burglar alarm right out
of my house" EIcctrician-"Doe
it work?' William Ann-..Work! 1t
has scared Il burglar to death and his
widow has sued we Ior So. 900 dam
ages. Brooklyn Ly5.
| Yes. any boy born in this free re-
/, public may one day be president of the
| United States: but if he wants to get
into the common council his chances
of success are vastly better if he has
taken the precaution to be born
abroad. boston TRANSCRIPT.
Evangelist-'But. my brother. we
should he KIND. even to our enemies. -
Blizzard Bill allays hev. parson-
allays. I've sot up nice tombstone
over every white man | plugged. An
it's no small expense. either, fer a man
that's hard run as | an. -Indiuasapolis
| Journal.
You don't love me so much as YOU
did" pouted young Mrs. Mcbride.
Didn't just now say YOU were
worth your weight in gold?" remon-
strated her husband. Yes, but YOU
said that when we were first married.
aud | weigh seven pounds less now"
P'ttsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
| Il never saw man run through his
property like Blink did, remarked a
department clerk. Why" exclaimed
the man at the next desk. Il thought
he was very steady-going." Yes;
but You ought to have seen him when
the bull chased him over the farm his
uncle left him. y Washington Star.
Visitor (to inhabitant of very small
village but surely you must find it
very dull here. never getting any
newspapers. How d'you know what's
going on in London. for instance?"
Enthusiastically. mon! but dinna We
ken that tn folk in Lunnon are Just as
| Ignorant o what's gaun OH wi us?n-
Judy.
| Always these dressmaker's bills"
growled the head of the house. "Whv
don't you. like other women. make
Your own clotheS? And pray what
do you make for yourseif?' Il" he
1 exclaimed iii establishment. why,
/ haven't l ever since we've been mar
| ried made my own cigarettes?"-
I