Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-10-15

course at Chances college. oswego. N. Y.
Morslst: Do you realize. sir. what is the
end of this feyerish, .grasping life OF yoursf
Spectator: Certainly. dividend.
Dog owners should send for pamphlet ON
canine diseases. Spratt's Patent. New York CITY,
ooh. you won't do for valet, - said young
Dolley to an applicant for the place: on
are as old as the hiIls.'' ''Well, sir, replied
the man, ''valleys ara always as old as the
hills"
REV. h. P. CARSON. Scotland. OAK. says:
Two bottles Of Halls Catarrh Cure eomp1seey
cured my little girl" Sold by DrugglHtA fOc'
deaf farmer drove in his flock and herd.
straining every nerve-pulling tooth
The coming man will never get there.
Love is never satisfied until it gets both
arms full.
A great many men are like new ground
do better after they are broken up
The summer girl who has been dined all
the season is now being deserted.
1t is singular how a surgeon retains his
sThen you take no stock in Miss Pretty
faces attractions?'' s'Not until know her
par value"
The family tree cannot be depended upon
for board.
Straws show clearly which way the mixed
drinks are gong.
The average woman likes to 'tNO" a man
awhile before she marries him.
Hope builds nest in mans heart where
disappointment matches its brood.
A woman never hits a hen when she throws
a missile at it; but, alasl man is not hen.
Patience and hope may be virtues, but the
man who sees his margin" gradually wiped
out is likely to look upon them as follies'
Not That Way.-Visitor lin Jones' room
at IL p. M: That young lady in the house
across the way sings like bird. Jones (un-
kindly: Well, not altogether. Hon see
bird stops singing at night.
"I.ook here, my man, you are charged
with vagrancy. The officer says you were
loafing on the corner when he arrested you"
al was at work, your honor. l was survey
ing the land for the new postof1ce."
Give Russia an inch and she'll take the
Dardanelles.
The Eternal City must be a Rome-antic
spot during the carnival.
A lawyer generally feels himself confident
to break any will except his wite's-
It is said the car never shaves, but most
people know he has ha6 many close shave.
The fall has come with those two lovely
flowers, the golden-rod and the mushroom.
He tangrily): Well. think ought to
know my own mind. She Calmly: That's
nothing.
Photographer: Now. look pleasant, please.
Customer: It's quite impossible, sir. Pm a
ticket agent in a railroad Office.
The coal barons are the CRATE guns of a
community.
The wheelman's tournament generally
takes place when he's learning.
"M-m; femme see. Is it Ireland or Scot
! land that is so noted for its pipersT''
Scotland, think. Ireland is more noted
for tubers than pipers."
A young man who has just been accepted
exultingly remarks that he is now member
of the weekly press.
One should always feel sure before begin
ming to fiirt with the muses. that he has p0-
l eGry IN Ms soul anu nOS III Auo bLOuidCus
countryman who witnessed Jefferson's
Grip Van Wrinkle" being asked now he liked
the acting answered: "Wel, l didn't see
any acting. I saw a shiftiess Dutchman
that got drunk of into the mountains, but
he was such good natured fellow that
liked him fust rate"
When man is out of spirits it doesn't
follow that he has given up the ghost.
----~-
sis that the president of the bsnk?'
switch one?" ''That stylish looking fellow
who says 4 and the board of directors so
much" ''No, that's the janitor."
Dull Paper.-Editor daily StartIer):
Anything startling for tomorrow? Chief
Romancer: ] haven't been able to think of
a thing. 'Marry OFF some of the great ac-
tresses. or get up a rumor of some big ai-
vorce." That's been done too often. No
new names left. well, get up cable dis
| patch saying that Explorer Stanley has run
| away from his wife" s'Won't do; he's at
/ home with a broken leg" ''Tco bad. I'm
afraid We'll have a dull paper tomorrow
New York Weekly.