The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.
he Bought Slow Drying yarnish for Els
Gentle Spouse.

PEEK VI TWO OI IICuDkS d SoOEt Tune SLICE.
When my wife arose from the break
fast table recently she turned to me with
question::
"My dear, can't you send down a cup
of yarnish and brush from the store
this morning."
Nothing easier" replied; "but what
on earth do you want with varnish:'
II want TO varnish nay sewing ma
chine; it is looking awful rusty"
did not know there were two kinds
Of varDish-s quick drying and slow
drying-so i simply ordered varnish
and brush. They would be sent imme-
diately.
went on to the Office.
/ took dinner at a down town restau-
rant, and the varnish and brush had not
entered my mind during the whole day.
Just as entered the gate in the even
ing thought of them.
1t was good dark" but the hall lamp
had not been lighted.
And think that was part of the plot.
opened the door hurriedly and started
in brisk walk down the hall.
had hardly taken, step when
rammed my knee against chair. An
other step-another CHART Both shins
skinned and in the dark i took another
step and my foot landed squarely upon
the baby's little rocker, which proceeded
to turn bottom upward, causing me to
lose my equilibrium, and went sprawl
ing to the floor, striking two or three
more chairs in the meantime.
1t made terrible racket. and my wife
inquired:
whats the matter, dear9"
'Oh, nothing. Just swinging corners
out here with chairs and things" l an
swered as calmly as possible.
I scrambled TO my feet and started
again, when I struck that blasted ma
chine, varnish and all, which landed me
this time smack into the baby carriage,
breaking the springs and very nearly
breaking my neck.
did you hurt yourself, dear?" came
that voice again, which had the effect of
making me feel like choking the life out
of something or somebody.
"Did hurt myself, you ask? Oh, no,
not much" said I, ''only broke leg and
arm and punched one eye out-that's
all"
"Why don't you come INF" she in
quired in a tone Of voice that was re-
markable for its calmness under the cir
cumstanceS.
"Come in?" I screamed, chow in the
name of sweet solomon can l? Haven't
/ been trying for the last ten minutes to
come in, and don't run great risk of
losing my life every time try it2 Why
in the name Of all the saints didn't you
tell me this morning you were going TO
move out into the hall, so could have
governed myself accordingly"
Then she came to the door with a
lamp, and succeeded in getting myself
untangled from that baby carriage,
which presented the appearance Of hav-
ing been kicked by Georgia mule.
stepped into my room with a weary,
bruised feeling, and laid my hand on the
back of big rocker.
"Don't touch that-it is varnished!"
$50 discover" said l, as pulled my
fingers from it.
went over to another chair, and was
preparing to sit down.
Don't sit there-it is varnished"
made a dive for another chair, and
was stopped-varnished!
The clock was ticking very lazily, and
knew it wanted winding. When l en-
deavored to take my hands from it, it
came with them. My fingers had again
stuck-in varnishl
was becoming desperate.
My next move was to try trunk-I
dared not risk any more chairs. l took
seat before she could interfere, this
time, and ruined new pair Of breeches
by the operation-the trunk was var
nishedl
This was too much.
"Now, then" said l, after pulling N.Y.
self loose from the trunk, will you
please tell me, while stand right still,
where and what you have vanished?
| would like to move intelligently after
this. see the baby has escaped. which
is explained, l suppose, from the fact
that your stock Of varnlsh was exhausted
before it came her turn"
She looked at me a moment with a
pitiful smile, which smacked somewhat
Of contempt, and replied:
Don't talk foolish now. Go and sit
on the front stoop, everything Will be
dry by tomorrow morning
est on the front stoop, indeed Have
YOU. then in reality, sIneared that stuff
over everythingf
Don't my machine look better she
said, ignoring my question, and point
ing with a satisfied air at the machine,
which, by the way, was minus leaf
jerked off in my last undignifed fall into
the baby carriage.
"Machinel Hang the machinel You
did not stop with that; you've vanished
everything in the house, including the
house cat and window curtains" ex-
claimed, with more vehemenCe than Dig
nifty.
At this oUtburst from me she laughed
with a heartIness that was quite un-
usual with her, and replied.
"Well, everything needed II. want
you 70 send the another cup tomorrow
for the dining table and safe
you do;' Well. WON'T / wouldn't
trust you with another ounce Of vsrnish
in this house for g. O00. 90! Do you tn
derstand the amounts. 900 .000l Now,
that's fact; wouldnEr
Il turned out that had purchased the
slow drying kind, Of course, and for the
next month my fingers stuck 70 every