The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-03-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A trade mark-Talking shop.

II ITdue IudTh-l dlhluR SUPP
A popular measure-Brim-full
The Farmers Alliance-A rural mar
riage.
The cowboy in the high-heeled boots
is in his stocking feet Chicago Ne'0s.
An Arab who has lost his teeth prob
ably speaks only gum Arabic.-Bg6al0
Express.
He-"May I hope1" She-"Yes; il
you will promise never to refer to the
matter again. Life.
The tanners trade is an entirely honor
able one, and yet they do say it is a skin
deal. - Binqhamton Republican.
E. z. Laffer-"That old doctor is
funny fellow" Dana S. Lydig-"Yes,
indeed. He's always taking somebody
off,"
Old habits are hard to get rid of--ai
you find when you take them to the
secondhand clothing store-ISt. Joseph
(Mo.) Ne'os.
1t is not advisable for bank cashier
to read nautical tales; the practice might
inspire him to become 'skipper. -
Boston Courier.
'T'll bet," said Chollie, "judging
from the way these trousers shrink, t.he
wool was shorn from an unusually timld
sheep. ."-Puek.
Judge-''Boy, do you understand the
nature of an oathl" Juvenile Witness
''Yes'r. It's human nature, l reckon."-
Chicago Tribune.
The bachelor thinks that the baby is a
blot on the landscape, and the baby's
mother knows that the bachelor is
S0mergiile Journal.
Ethel-'I always make it a point to
learn something new every day" Maud
"Then you are not so old as l thought
you. ."-Hayper's Bazar.
OF all the torments known toman
The greatest we assert,
Is TO wear a fourteen collar
Upon a fifteen shirt.
GoodaIps Sun.
r'Old Curmudgcon is the meanest,
stingiest man in town, and yet you say
THAT there isn't \ selfish hair on his
head!" "Curmudgeon, sir, is entirely
bald"
Oh, gas may escape and gas may burst,
And vanish in noise aud flame;
But the meters hand, in its quiet way,
Goes travelling onward day by day,
And gets there just the same
--Iopicdl TfmeS,
An eminent surgeon says tlat with
four cuts and few stitches he can alter
: mans face so his own mother would
not know him. That's nothing. Our
daily newspapers do that much with only
one cut.-Mercury.
When in the footlights glare she stands,
| Men think her one of the fairy queens;
What would they say,
| Could they but see
| The way she tackles the pork and beans.
Chicago NelVs.
Scientific Notes: How wonderfully
are the inventions Of man anticipated in
the animal kingdom The cuttle-fsh
has the power Of covering itself with
sudden effusion of any inky fluid-and
what more can man do with the most in
genious fountain peni-Puck.
Unless with marriage ! mean to dispense
Now's the time TO wed, and no longer
If longer wait may have more sense
If | have more sense then I'll never
Judge.
Ignoramus (at party few years
hence) )-"What is the matter with Miss
Beauty's once lovely armsl They are full
of horrid red blotches ard scratches
Scientific Guest-"Oh, that's all right.
She has simply been vaccinated against
consumption, smallpox, typhoid fever,
and twenty or thirty other diseases. -
Ns,0 Yorb Weekly.
II should like to observe, madame"
said tine patient border "that while am
very fond OF the neck Of the fowl you
are carving | shall deny n yself this and
beg for large white chunk of the
breast. With this view l have had my
trunk packed and a drayman is now wait
ing at the door ior an answer. Er-Is
il breast or neckp- ChtcIgo Ae55s.
He could tall, in Dutch or Latin.
And could translate from ChoctQw,
| Chinese fell as slick as satin
From this vcrhalistic jackdaW
He was learned in all the speeches
or this liugual human race,
Aud was never known 10 teach his
Pupils one word out OF place
But he tumbled down completely
In endeavoriug to talk
With a maiden who said sweetly
She resided in "New Nawkw
-AeiU York SrL
Tho largest County in the United
Statrs t. Duefar npttt,t,- la M,Uf.n