The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-01-30
HUMOROUS HITS.

While he IL drawing, those about him
arc making music and dancing.
Snow is reported in the Indian coun-
try There is also some prospect of con-
siderable staying there. i Boston Her
aid.
a vigilance committee, rope, and u
rec will make everv desperate rise to q
oint of order. - Binghamton Repub.
lean.
"Why don't you shave yourself and
ave time and money!" Because
can't bear to cut an old acquaintance {"
It'd Bits
Tho scientist who claims the wind can
not be seen evidently has had little or
no experience with sight drafts i Ell
mira Gazette.
"What is the solution Of the negro
Droblem?" demandNd the orator. "Four-
eleven-forty. four, replied a man in the
audience New York Sun.
Ieachcr-Can you tell me what Sc
cret is: Little Girl-Yes'm. 1ti some
ching somebody tells everybody else in
4 whisper - American Hebrew
"Talli!" exclaimed Ponsonby, "she can't
say word Why, talked to her half
an hour last night and she never opened
her mouth-except to yawn. u Brook
lyn Life.
He'd Never Get It" Drop me line,
yelled the drowning man. Whats the
Sc 2" said the lumorst on the dock.
There's no postoiiice where you are
going. '-lLifc.
The messenger boy dates back to Solo.
mons time: Vide Proverbs X, 26: "As
vinegar TO the teeth, and as smoke to
the eyes, so is the sluggard to them that
send him. -IBoston Courier.
by Jove, said the artist; "the wolf
is at the door, my last paintings gone
for rent, and Pm hanged if l can think
of any thing to paint!" Paint the wolf,
suggested the janitor Of the studio.
Uncle G .orge, who was full of
brusquerie and humor, was delegated to
give the bride away. So he stood up be-
fore the vast congregation and an
nounced her age as 81. 2.-lBinghamton
Leader.
He Did Not Know.-"Would you like
to 80 to heaven when you die?" asked
Boston Sunday school teacher of a small
resident of the Hub. IL don't know,
replied the little fellow obviously; ais
it rs nice rs Boston? ?"-[ Judge.
Watts-Now, If I understand cor
rectly. the first principle of socialism is
to divide with your brother man. Potts
Then you don't understand it correctly.
The first principle of socialism is to make
YOUR brother divide with you'll In
dianapolis Journal.
Wilson, despise hypocrite. Tom
son--So do !. Now, take Jackson for
Example; he's the biggest hypocrite on
earth. l de pise that man. But you
appear to be his best friend. "Oh, yes;
| try to appear friendly toward him. II
piys better in the end. y Brooklyn
Life.
Greek in Modern Athens. s.-Professor
Digamma Gnstructing young ladies in
iIomer) - Now, Miss Beaconhill, can
you tell us why Achilles sulked in his
tent? Miss Clytemnestra Beaconhill
(slightly conrused)-Er-ah-I believe it
was because his fiancee flrted with Ag-
amemnon!-[ Puck.
Mr.. Charley YounghuSband-Why,
what's the matter? Mrs Younghusband
dn deep anguiah)-I gave-a-a-tramp
"A p-p-piece OF my fresh home made
bread and-and-he gave it to Rover.
Mr. Charley Younghusband (consolingly)
We'll l wouldn't cry about a little
thing like that. Mrs. Younghusband-
You don't u-u-under5tamd. Tn CRY
ing about Rover-he is dead-boo-hoo
-hoo!-[LiIe.
Caught, ,-"Telr me, dearest Emma,
will you be mine?' will you always
let me have my own way?" always,
dearest \" "And my mother may live
with us?' "Willingly." And not ask
for latch key?" II would rather
throw it in the sea. And give up
your club, and always be at home t.
dinner?" "Always. and on the min
ute. +" "Then you must excuse me, but
you are not at all the sort of man
should wish for a husband. Il [Fliegende