The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1891-04-17

trouble with most of our gifts TO
DOR is thai we check them up as
toN the Lord. Mitsedsttee Setlti-
Ares years to make one saint,
aners can be turned out at the
of dozen minute. Ie.eas SIR
It's all very well TO talk OF writing
posterity," sighed the poet, s'bnt
terity isn't editing any magazines" /"
ack
Her complexion used to be a great
noyance to her. "Ah, we'll, that
matter rs nil made up now."-M.
q Herald
Patient-..The doctors have given
mo up.n Friend Then you have one
hope left-n "What is thatP Give
p the doctors. ISL. Joseph Ne.os.
-t'Papa.n said Johnny. didn't George
Washington ever tell liep" Never.
my son. "Then how did he get his
cinch on pelitiese sen-Hafper's BdSdr
s.gefore we were married" +" said she.
kis displays of affection were posi-
y overdone.n And nowp" "They
very rare. .''-IastiidaIpoiiS Journal.
European civilization is filing tho
.rk Continent with rum for the ma,
res. II may lead TO painting tho
ointment red.-Nsso orleans Rcdymae.
II You are told that YOU resemble a
great Man say nothing. 1t may be
shst-tAe resemblance will cease the mo-
ment you open your mouth. -AtehiSoE
Globe.
As Howard Hall was starting ar
electric motor in Bridgeport, Conn. a
few days ago, "a bright blaze shot ont
from the dynamo and burned his mus
tache off.
Professor of historv-ssWhat do You
know about Louis XIV.'s timeaa Jack
Athleticus - Nothing. sir; l never
knew he was sprinter. 49, Harvard
Lampooa
This world is not so wicked. A mans
good deeds are more apt to be remem-
bered than his bad ohes-except, of
course. by his intimate friends.-Aia-
Heapoifs Jonrnai.
Can't you employ me. sirP" asked
the tramp. Il have nothing for you to
dc" returned the householder. That's
just the thing l can do. sir" said the
tramp.-HaYpe,'s BaSdr.
4 read this morning that somebody
had invented way of making poker
chips out of metal.n What kind of
metale" Il don't know; ante money
Washington Post.
Have yea read my last novel. my
Bud how did you like itp'' Il laid
The book down with the greatest salts
faction. Dry Goods Csronicle.
Photography in natural colors is now
said to be on the eve of success. Pos
sibly the time will come when man
may be able to see himself as he looks
when painting the town red.-Phild-
delphsa Times.
'.What is Smith doing nowP" He
is travelling with circus" Pretty
hard work. isn't it?n No; he has
nothing to do except to stick his head
in the lions mouth twice a day.
TEXAS Sulings.
She-"Dees Mr.. Chnmley belong to
the bon ton at Princetone" He
CPrincetonian) never hes,Tr7di of
that club up here. 9nS know the
faculty is down on~-ssecret societies. "
Rarrdrd Lanapas6.
Mftfezey Just on your ac-
count. madam, I've been hiding my
light under bushel for yearsr' Mrs.
Breezy 40, deari Ex,ravagant as
everi Why didn't You buy pint
cuDF ~. l. heyftttt
1--WE are both in the same boat, aren't
WEI" said one of the two brothers who
were condoling over a parental vista
ton. Yes, WAS the reply; I'VE
were; and it WAS whale-boat, too,
wasn't it?''- Washington Post.
Go away. You are drunk" said
the citizen to the beggar. Il amt
nothin' of the kind" was the wrathful
l.
workin' on sich cold day as this if
was good an Indianapolis
journal.
Jimmy said visitor at the JAY
smiths. "how is your papa going TO
build housep There are no bricks
coming to the city now" oh" re-
piled Jimmie, "mamma says papa
brings home brick in his hat every
night. .n-Aunsey,s Weeiy.
Dryson-"Wen, Dock, l hear you
opened drug store at Des Moines,
Ia" Doctor-''Yes; aud / am max
ing it pay, too. NV receipts one day
amounted to $780, and that didn't in
clude the 75 cents worth of drugs l
sold. d.m-Nidgara Spray.
Scene. Central Africs. Carnival of the
express train at the chief town. n)-Train
dispatcher to the engineer-''What
does this mean? | don't see any con-
ductor." Engineer - No, the first
class passengers have eaten him up
since we started. Ftiege1ade Blatter.
Somebody has computed that if thir-
ty-two million people should clasp
hands they could reach around the
earth. When young man is in love
he does not need to have more than
one person clasp his hand to be able to
reach round all the earth contains for
him.-Ba.fato E.1press.
Hello up therein shouted his wife,
what in the world are you making
such rumpus about?' Husband Con
rooD-"I am holding an inquest y
wife-.'An inquesti Who is dead?''
Husband, Nobody, / am in quest of
the collar button that slipped down the
back of my neck. - Brooklyn Eagle.
Ethel had been sitting on the sofa in
silence for half an hour intently watch
ing the lady who had come to visit her
mother for a day OF two. AT last the
burden of her thoughts was laid down
with sigh, as she looked up in the
visitors face and asked: Didn't You
bring any other dress?n-S SomerViile
journal.
A dear old gentleman who is deep,
ly interested in Sunday schools, and