Arizona republican., 1891-04-04

You ask for his family, and he sweils visibly while he explains how superior they are in health to any other mans family, and what wise and benefcent putocrat he is in all domestic concernsl
 Perhaps he Is. and perhaps all that he has said is true, but how disagreeable he makes himself with his big and little U, and how glad you are when he goes away or allows you to do sol
 Akin to the Pompous Man and the Selfish Woman is the Human Squid, the person of either sex whose tentacles are always waving about to catch whatever is going and draw it selfward. Talk to one of these egotists upon whatever sub ject you like, and you will presently find that the conversation has come round to his or her own personality. You remarks:
 'It is very warm today" and the re- ply is: "Yes, and feel the heat very much. Last week was out in the sun, and really was afraid of 8 sunstroke."
 Or you say, 1.-The emperor of China is very ill., and your Squid answers:
 els he9 We'll, never cared much about China; when I was at school l never could find the Chinese cities, al- though I was pretty good scholar, etc.
 The Squid comes in some day and finds you suffering from the neuralgia, or from Ia grippe, or some other com plaint demanding sympathy, but it has none to give.
 Neuralgia Oh, I used to have it dreadfully some years ago; the doctor said he never saw any one have it so badly; Twas perfect martyr, and noth- ing ever relieved it; but then my nervous system is very sensitive, you probably couldn't begin to suffer as did,"
 Or still more aggravating is, "Neu- ralgia2 Oh, that's nothingl Nobody ever dies of that, you know. Now, if you had had bronchitis as had three no, let me see-three, four, why yes, five summers ago, when we were at the White mountains, should know how to pity you. 1 suffered everything, can assure you, especially one night when my husband had to wiring out hot cloths to put to my chest eight hours without once sitting down."
 "Rather hard on him." you spitefully suggest, but the Squid only stares.
 "Oh, well-of course when l was so sick he couldn't think about that. Well, I won't stay and bother you since you don't feel well. Goodby; l hope your cold will soon be better"
 Then there is the Fidgety Person, who never can sit still and be quiet minute. Perhaps it is woman, and she can't bear the draft from that window or door or if you will excuse her, may she lower the window little so as to have the air from the top; or she can't sit in a low chair, or may she have hassock; and where is her fan and her vinaigrette. Oh, yes, she has dropped them; and she must throw off her wrap in the house and keep on her scarf; and don't you think the perfume of So many flowers is unwholesome; and she does want you to try taking hot water before your meals, and you must test it with ther- mometer; if not too much trouble she will have some now instead of a glass of wine or tea, and so on.
 UT lt IS d Itldn, anu Hc IOhLIS dEOuuu your rooms like wild creature in 8 cage, taking up every book and every ornament, turning it over and asking questions about it and laying 1t down in another place; pushing the chairs, the easels, the little tables, the footstools out of his way, tipping them over and pick ing them up again, toying with the tas- sells of the curtains and cushions until he twists them off or unravels them, and if he does at last subside into a chair, twisting it and himself about until the legs cresk and the castors rebel; if the chair has lace and ribbons upon its back, it is needless to say that the fidgety man never rests until he has destroyed their symmetry if not themselves; then his fingers stray to the table, pick up a pearl paper cutter, and in the earnestness of conversation bend it and bend it until when the snap comes it is almost re- lief to your expectant nerves; if there is vase of flowers at hand he pulls them to pieces, and you are lucky if he does not pull over the whole business and de- luge your book of water colored sketches with more water than the colors can carry of.
 This kind of person may and often does have almost all the good qualities under the sun, but for trying your tenn per, straining your good manners, up- setting your nervous system, and mak- ing you long to be condemned to solitary confinement, commend me to the Fidget.
 Then there is the Counsel for the Op- position, the person who always takes the other side from yours upon every subject under the sun, who involves you, in your own despite, in perpetual argument and controversy, until in his society. for hers) you become either quar- relsome or tamely acquiescent, feeling afraid to open your mouth, lest you should be contradicted. Positively, l have met people with whom this habit had become so nearly mania that l don't think they could control them selves. On board ship once said to gentleman of this class:
 "There is the coast of Ireland; we shall soon be at Queenstown"
 "Oh, no; that's not coast line, but bank of fog" ..
 "The captain just told me it was Ire land" said I, really curious to zee how he would evade this authority, but he never faltered.
 "I beg to differ with the captain; it is not the coast, but may perhaps be mirage thrown up by the coast, which is itself below the horizon"