The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1891-01-01
Pl,NoENT PARAGRAPHS.

/. --Bro,vn''Can l sell you horssfn
Bsgnall Whats the matter with.
him?"-Brook lyn Life.
AN active foot ball season at the
colleges is shown BY an equally ener-
getic sale Of arnica in college towns.
~ do like Drying children!''
The bachelor said '.And why" BE.
a friend asked, SHOULD you like themr
They're sent out when they cry
-In Spain the barber shesrs donkeys
a. we'll IS men. In America the barber
shears dudes % we'll a. men.-St Jo-
seph News.
AT twenty man thinks he knows It
all; ct thirty he merely thinks he could
have known it all If he had tried.-In-
dianapolis Journal. So
in the market coffee is said to be
strong. and growing stronger. But it
isn't that way in the restaurants. -sa-
vannah News
When man succeeds in saving
So 900 he regards himself as rich man,
but after that he gets poorer all the
time.--Atchison Globe.
-1ncurable. Officer - Hes pretty
wild. sir. Thinks he owns tn world. !"
Justice-''What's his business?" O@~1r
Hes been janitor Of downtown
off1ce-building."-Judge.
--Husband-''For heavens sake, what
is the matter?" Wife Cropping desper-
ately under the bed)-'I have lost my
collar-button. "-Binghamton Republic
can.
y Want Of wholesome and adequate
food docks one-quarter, one-third, or
one-half from the natural term Of the
industrial force for all those who come
to mans estate.
"A mans idea OF married happiness
Is having wife who will devote all her
energies to secure his comfort A wo-
mans idea of married happiness is hav-
ing husband who will love her alone and
tell her of it once in while.-Somer-
Vile journal.
-Rose-"Ah, you're ready for the
ball. are you? 1t makes me think of
our schooldays to look at you. You
were always SO clever at composition"
Maude-''Yes; but what reminds you Of
1t?' "You still make up so well."-St
Joseph News.
Win mans friendship by telling
him to-day that he is the smartest one
in his family, and you will have to tell
him tomorrow that he is the smartest
man In town, and the next day that he
Is the smartest man in the State.-Atch-
ison Globe.
Good for Both.-Peddler- "What's
that air bird in the cage, ma'am?'
u Nv1o0 rso FL 80 hi >,
Peddler-''You don't say! Better try a
bottle OF my hair -restorer, ma'am. It's
good for man or beast.-N. Y. Ledger.
Entitled to a pass: President X. NJ.
7. R. R. (haughtily)-"Who is this
James w. Bungstarter who wants a
pass?" Private Secretary-"Great cap
italist of Sheboygan-president Of the
Knocash Natural Sand Bank-lessee of
the" President (hastily) -"Send him
an annual I thought he was some poor
devil who couldn't pay his West
Shore.
1T is said that scientist somewhere,
after two years close practice. has got
50 that he can exchange ideas with his
dog: And now if he will buckle down
for few years more and get on speak
ing terms with an old hen. so that the
news may be carried to the hen-roost
Whenever eggs are worth fifty cents
dozen. he will be very apt to get monu-
mont with gilt letters on it-Ram's
Horn.
First lady-'Come, let US go and
see the play tonight. It's society
drama, and everybody says it's just
lovely" Second ditto: "Why not go
down to Tating & Biasfeld's opening OF
Partisan costumes? Well see just as
much and more. and then, you know,
we don't have our attention distracted
by the conversation of actors, which SO
abstracts from the effectiveness of the
drama" First lady: 20, yes; that'll be
ever so much nicer than the theater.
Strange didn't think of it myself
Boston Transcript.