The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-09-02
WIT AND HuMOR.

to his successors. Y. Herald.
Probably when the red-headed girls
come to vote there won't be SO many
dark horses. Detroit Free Press.
It's the heiress' won't and her fathers
will that keep the aspiring young man
mentally occupied. Washington Star.
Right shoulder shift" exclaimed
the old army surgeon as he pulled
dislocated arm into place. Bingham
ton Republican.
Sadi-"Anything new, dearp" Helen
mo; things are dreadfully dull.
am engaged to that little monkey, De
Saplets, again. ."-Epoch.
1t is a mistake about it being un-
healthy to sleep in feathers. Look at
the spring chicken and see how tough
he is.-Richnaossd Recorder.
If those patent electric corsets come
into style young men will have to be
very careful about applying the arm
atures.-Btnghanaton Republican.
If the sun had nothing else to do but
shine on the righteous it would be
hardly worth while for it to rise as
early as it does. 7eras Ssftisgs.
There are some unpleasant feat
ures in this business" muttered the
photographer as he surveyed a row of
his patrons Baltimore american.
The Colonef-"Haye you seen Borer
since he returned from his trip around
the worldpn The Judge-"Yes; met
the enemy, and he was hours. ."-Patce.
Totling-'.Well, 1 hope your new
company is getting along swimming
n AZ Vn
the stock at the last directors meet
ing."-Epoch.
mo" said Uncle Pete, "that ERE
Eve didn't hev no temptashun at all,
only er apple; if it had er bin water
melon it would er bin differunt. -
Binghanston Republican.
Mr.. Now, this new
nickel steel" Mrs. Wickwire-
THAT'S when you drop it into the slot
and the machine won't work, sup
pose. 81 Indianapolis Journal.
Figurante-"W What do you do, Olga,
when one of your admirers sends you
bouquet?n Star-.I always smell it
directly it comes to see if there is a
bracelet in it. Fliegeaade Btdtter.
McFingle-"Did you have much of
d LlLlC Will buS DOJo ldSl LIZ LIZ MI
Fangle-'sTimel Well. guess! You
ought to have had the headache
woke up with this morningr'-Bostop
Nea0s.
Where does this milk come from,
anyhow" asked Miggles. Cows, /
fancy" said Wagg. THAT accounts
for it," said Miggles, '.Cowes is a
famous watering place. - Harper's
BazGr.
Kicking Constituent - Every one of
your bills failed to pass.n Wrathful
Assemblyman-''Yes, but every one of
the boys who wanted pass got one,
didn't theyP What do you want-the
earthP"
When ministers of the gospel take to
umpiring ball games, as has been fire.
quently the case of late, the player
who tries to backslide or steal base
need have no hope of getting home
Baltimore american.
See that fellow over therep He
doesn't know where he'll get his next
meal. You surprise me. He looks
well-to-do." He is; but he doesn't
know whether he'll dine at home or at
the club. ."-BrookLyfs Life.
II hear Bronson sang Rocked in
the Cradle of the Deep at the concert
Yes" did he do it well?" He
did indeed. 1t was so vivid that five
people left the hall overcome with sea-
sickness. ."-HGrper's Bazaar.
The Present Time: Jessie-.Did you
get the marriage license, dearP Let
me see it." Harry-"You won't un-
darstand - - To,s;o ..vo, lii
To whom these presents may come
yes; that is all ght!'-Pstck.
81 never knew Cumcash to have but
one falling" said a friend of his to a
business man. Yes replied the
business man, ''that's about all; but 1
understand he made good deal of
money out of that. u Washington Star.
Miss Prentice -''What do all those
signs / see in the car meanP How do
you Get Home on the Installnlent
Planpm Tom Dewitt First you get
house, then you get wife, and then
the other installments complete the
home. Puck
Wellard-.'W What do you mean by
telling the boys that you have had the
locklaw?" Pollard-.'J little
joke of mine. You see, / couldn't find
the lock last night. and my wife gave
me the jaw from the window above" !"
-Los0eu Citizen.
Mrs. Worrit Con excursion boat)-
20, this crowd makes me sick and the
band makes my head ache!'' Mr..
Worrit-"Well, dear, you would 90
out to enjoy yourself. We never can
have our fun without some drawbacks,
you knowI'-Patck.
Mistress. Bridget, what is that
child crying so wildly for?" Nurse
''Shure, mum. he's just drinked all his
soothin' sirup, and ct the cork, and /
don't know what now ails him unless
it's the bottle he wants to schwally." -
Pharmaceutical Era.
Train robber (..going through pas
senger)-..Well, swow! Got a gun
in your pocket, hev YEP If it wasn't t
for my pressing engagements I'd turn
ye over to the town authorities just
ahead for carrying concealed weapons
without a permits !EPatck.
A man imagines that he has lots of
fun in telling how difficult it is for
even a woman to find her way into her
own pocket, but all the varnish comes
off the laugh when he begins to re-
member how easily she gets into his
pockets. Philadelphia Times.
II do hate to hear man grumble
all the time as that fellow is doing
over there" said disgusted passen-
ger to the conductor of the train. MY
dear sir" exclaimed the conductor in
surprise, 'you evidently do not under
stand the case. That man is travelling
on pass. n-iS iSonaervitEe Journal.
Cholly-s.Ah, Chappy. just in from
'Tonka. Summer is the time to read
tie book of Naychah, don't you know
Chappie-'s Nav it isn't" Cholly-
why not, deah fellah?" Chappie
(who belongs to the sons of rest)-
Autumn is. because then nature turns
the leaves for you. ."-Minneapolis Jour-
nGl
Henley-"Smi and Jones each
called the other liar. Have they
given each other satisfaction yetP''
Digby-''Yes." Henley-"With fists
or pistolsPn Digby-''No; they left it
to committee of two of Jones' friends