Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-09-25
THE CoTroN-BLossoM CLUB.
Hon. Recollection johnson, of North Car
DINA, Electrifies 1t.
II Quad Il. A-..n Yark EnrLd

opened, Brother Gardner announced
that the regular routine OF business
would be suspended In order to listen to
an address by the Hon. Recollection
johnson, of Goldsboro, n. c., who had
arrived in New York two days previ-
ously. The title of the address was
given as "Does riches make happiness;
or, why should sweet milk sour during a
Thunderstorm"
''Befo' dis pusson, who is now In de
antyroom, is let into de hall, want to
say few words" observed the Presl-
dent. "In de fust place, want Elder
Toots an Judge Ca1aver to keep awake
doorin' de lecture. It's an insult on a
man to go to sleep an snore while heam
talkin'. In de next place, If Shindig
Watkins frows dat cucumber which he
has got in his pocket at Samuel Shin, l
shall be lookin' right at him, an befo'
de meetin' closes his fucher life will be
made wretched. Kurnel Cabiff an
Judge Chewse had better git as fur
from each other as possible, an shall
depend upon Glveadam Jones to keep
his eye on Uncle Bradley an ole man
Taylor. De honorable gen'lap will now
be brung in"
The man from the Tar-Heel State
created favorable impression at first
glance. He was the beau ideal of an
orator-three stories high, loose In the
knee joints and wild expression in his
eyes. AS he took his place on the plat
form 1t was noticed that he toed out
and covered great deaf Of space with
his feet, and this was also taken as
further favorable sign of his intellec-
tual greatness. There was no sign Of
nervousness in his actions, and it was
clearly evident that he was In
the habit of addressing large and
critical audiences. He poured out a
glass Of water, carefully scrapeda nut
meg into it, and, after removing his
coat, necktie and collar, he advanced to
the front of the platform and began.
my frens," he said as he locked his
fingers together and then looked benign
" down upon the shiny bald Uranium
Of Judge Cantelope White, "does riches
make happiness or does she not? At de
fust go-off it would pear dat she did.
When we see rich man ridin' by in his
keeridge, his arms folded, his head up
high an his black bosses prancin' along
as proud as peacocks, we am apt to envy
him an to wish we was in his place.
We see only outside appearances. III
we could foller dat pusson to his home OF
luxury we should take different view OF
de case. De mint he gifts into de
house his wife wants fo'teen thousand
dollars fur new dresses; de chilIen cry
ur him to buy 'em an elephant; de COOK
has broke twelve plates while washin'
de dishes, an de gas bill is ober seoen
dollars mo- dan it was fur de month
befoh. De proud smile on dat rich
mans face fees away, an he goes out
behind de BAN an kicks hissef an
wishes he had neber bin bon. Cheers,
shouts and wild applause.
"Yo' 90 into a rich mans house,
continued the orator, san yo' see lace
curtains, kivered cha's, fine carpets an
of brick-a-bats. Some of 'em hev
got as many as five beds up
stars, an II yo' 90 down cell yo'll find a
hull bar'l of pork and sixteen bushels OF
Eaters. Muffin seems watin' to COM
plete dat mans happiness, but dats all
on de outside. He may be sittin' aroun'
on dem fine carpets, or lookin' at his
| self in one Of dem fine lookin'-glasses,
which nebber cost less dan nine dollars,
when he gets telegraph. He opens 1t
to find dat somebody has robbed de
grave of his gran ladder out in Chicago,
and demands one millyon dollars to re-
store de body. Applause so vigorous
that two legs fell out OF the stove and a
serious calamity was narrowly averted. !
sI war in de private Office OF mil
lyonaire de odder day. He was cuttin'
de coupons off his bloated bonds. Oar
war seventeen bags of gold on his right
hand, an sixteen bar'ls OF silver on MS
left. Suppressed excitement. Oar
war TO- bushel Of diamonds piled up be-
hind de stove, an about two bar'ls OF
pearls an opals over by de wash-stand.
WHISPERS of "Yumj" ''Yum!"] Dat
pusson owned de awfulest, biggest plan
tashun in de hull Souf. He had six
mjllyun horses an cattle. He owned 10
hanks an five railroads. he owned all
de iudVes an jurles an lawyers in dc
State. If yo' frowed a later at his dawg
he could have yo' sent to State prison
fur life. TSighs and groans. An yit,
wild all dis power an riches, was dat man
hanpv? MOI he had sore heel; his
stomach was outer order; he was gittin'
bald on top O. de head; he woke up In
de night an saw spooks wavin' oelr
arms over him, and he said he woulo
glib all he had on airth to be ike me.
TApplause which put out three lamps
and upset water pail.
mo, my frens," calmly continued the
orator, after slipping little more nut
meg. .'riches doan' make happiness.
Dew is lest handy when you feel you'd
like to git measured fur TO- new shirts,
or Won want fried chicken fur dinner.
All de rest is vanity an an am suah to
hiring yo' trouble. Take de case Of
Shindig Watkins, of dis club, at whose
cabin am temporarily stopDln' free OF
charge. He's got rag carpet an three
cane-seat chars in his parlor. He's got
three dawgs an an ice chest an cnro-
meo of Napoleon crossin' de alps.
He's got cuckoo clock dat cost MIN
'leben dollars, an he bought an ole
lounge for So and kivered it ober wild
new stuff and made it with $40. HIS
wife kin arm q dollar a day while he
ats on de front steps, an his chilli'n
save DER pennies TO buy him teroacker
N neer. From Sunday mawnin' TO Sat
urday night, Bradder Watkins is per-
| fecklv happy an content, an he will I'D
| thirty vars longer dan any rich man.
| IVociferous applause from all except
Brother Watkins, whose modesty 10
well known.
can now, why does sweet milk sour
doorin' q thunderstorm" asked the