davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
HE nEEDED a LICKING,
And For Once There Was "a Citizen q
Hand Equal to the Emergency.

And For Once There Was Citizen on
Hand Equal to the Emergency.
A mean-looSing man got on Broad
way and Seventh avenue car at Canal
street. lie sat down between two
women and handed the conductor a
nickel At Bleecher street he called
the conductor to him and asked: Don't
! get any change?"
The conductor looked surprised.
"You only gave me a nickel, he said;
You lie" said the mean-looking man
angrily. II gave You a dollar bill.
See. had four bills. and only nave
three now" lie pulled three one-dol-
lar bills from his pocket. The con-
ductor counted his money and found it
agreed with the number of fares regis
tered.
~ am sure you only gave me nick
ell" he said.
You're a liar,'' said the mean man,
land if you don't give me my ninety
five cents change I'll take il out of your
hide, and then have you arrested for
swindling."
II am quite sure you only gave the
conductor a five-cent piece" ventured
one of the women; saw the coin
You're quite sure of nothing" said
the mean man in an insulting tone
docs he pay you to cap for him?"
A big man dressed like laborer sat
on the opposite side of the ear lie
had heard the dispute. When the
mean man addressed the woman this
man reached over with a pair of useful
eleven-inch hands. lie seized the mean
man by both the nose and the ear and
twisted those organs until the mean
man howled.
you're a sneak thief" said the big
man You're mean enough u rob a
church poor box" and he lifted him up
ont of the seat and twisted and butted
him with his knee. lie carried him
kicking and bowling from the car and
dropped him off the back platform.
"You try TO get on this ear again, he
shouted, land I'll break every bone in
your peslSy body The ear went on.
The conductor and the woman looked
relieved. The mean man got up and
walked off.
DO you carry much such truck as
that?" asked the big man of the con-
ductor.
about once a week." he said: "but
he's the only man ] ever saw properly
handled. N. Y. sun.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
FASHIONS IN JEWELRY.
Fresh Fancies Being Displayed by the
L..

Fresh Fancies Being Displayed by the
Dealers.
Tiny silver-mounted hour-glasses are
pretty novelties.
Champagne bottles, gold seal, in sill
yer are used as perfume bottles.
Rings of repousse silver in which a
diamond is sunk are intended for men.
A charming necklace is of graded
pieces of pale pink coral set between
diamonds
The Marquise rings commands all
styles, but it is susceptible OF many vari-
atoms.
Graduated feurs-de-lis of white ena-
mel make the pendants of a pretty
necklace.
Aside from silver and enameled jew
elry in floral and geometrical forms,
stones are almost exclusively worn this
summer.
Topaz rings are considered especially
becoming to the hand But to the ele
giant, topaz requires the accompaniment
of fine diamonds.
Queen chains made of two-inch links
or ONYX, seem to initiate the long chains
that are now worn IN IdTiS.
A bracelet of blue enamel has the
shape of a plain band bordered by q
straight row of tiny diamonds. The
fastening is button in gold bound
buttonhole.
Fob chains and chatelaines initiate
the woven wire souvenir chains that
come from Venice. These consist of
squares of platinum and gold alternat-
ing.
Seals in onyx, gray. wine eolored or
in the rich tints of some of the varie-
ties, are cut in faces of different types
placed back to back. Another style is
an Arab head with hood hanging back.
a spidcr-legged silver crab over three
inches broad and over an inch high,
with single rows of diamonds on his
outer curves, is designed as brooch for
some one of eccentric and independent
tastes.
A heart surmountcd by a crown is a
popular setting for n ring. The heart
is always colored stone, ruby, emerald
or sapphire, surrounded by small dia-
monds defining the required shape.
The crown has diamond points. Occa-
sionally double heart is seen, the two
colored stones differing in tint.
IL silver chatelaines could be made
lighter and less conspicuous they would
be more worn. They are so convenient
that they could easily become iudis-
pensable. In their present massive and
highly ornate forms they are too con-
spicuous and too closely identified with
women of pronounced appearance to be
worn by other women who would like
to wear them for convenience j ew-
elers' Circular.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
THE KING AND THE HUSSAR.
Frederick's Objection to the Attention OF
"a Servant to "a Tradesman's Daughter.

Frederick's Objection to the Attention of
Servant to Trademarks Daughter.
King Frederick III. had very decided
objection to any of his servants cult
waiting the society of the softer sex.
One day he got to hear that Hussar
Dresser, who had charge of the petty
cash. paid regular visits to a trades
mans daughter in Potsdam, especially
at the hours when concerts were given
at the palace of Sanssouci, or when the
king was asleep. Frederick sent for
Dresser, babe him sit down at the
writing desk and dictated to him the
following letter, as he paced up and
down. the room:
My sweet, the king begrudges me
every hour that spend in your agree
able company. To shorten my absence
in the future, and to prevent their be-
ing noticed and envied by the old
GROWER. ] would ask you to engage a
room in the Brandenburg suburb, not
far from this place. We shall thus be
able to see each other more convenient
ly than in the town. True till death,
your affectionate Dresser"
With a trembling hand, and the per-
SEPARATION beading on his manly brow
the man wrote down the above lines.
"Finished?" inquired the king.
Yes" said Dresser.
Then fold up the letter and seal il.
This done, Frederick dictated the cor
rect address of the young lady, sent
for courier. and gave him the let
ter for delivery. The remedy had
its desired effect for a time, but
afterward Dresser was found to be
guilty of grave misdemeanors, and Sc
we're measures had to be taken with
him. Yet even then Frederick would
not deliver him to justice, but decided
to reduce him to the ranks.
An officer conveyed the intelligence
to Dresser in his lodgings at the palace.
Dresser started at the news. but seem
ing to recover himself, he begged per-
mission to go and fetch something ont
of his bedroom. A minute later there
was the report of a pistol. Dresser had
blown out his brains. When the king
heard of this he remarked: II did not
think the fellow capable of such eter-
mination. Der Bar.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
A Family shave.

A Maine family consists of six broth
ers so exactly alike that no on but
their closest friends can tell which is
which. One day they happened 70 be
in a strange town and all wanted a
shave. One of them went into a barber
shop. was shaved, and paid the custom
ary ten cents. Five minutes later APP
parently the same man came back into
the shop. very wrathy, his beard
bristling with a three days growth.
He swore that he had not been half
shaved. and demanded that the work
be done over.
The astonished barber apologized and
complied, but judge of his horror when
not ten minutes later his customer came
back. madden than ever, his beard still
showing on his face, and demanded an.
other shave. Again the barber, after
some protest, complied, but when his
man returned the fourth time it was
too much.
"See herer' he cried, ''if you're try
ing to sell me some patent hair-raiser
I'll take your whole stock. but if you
are an escaped museum freak, either
you've GO to get out or I'll have to
close this shop"
The fifth and sixth brothers had to
pay for their shaves. Buffalo Express.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
Artistic Advertising.

Undoubtedly the Ivory Soap people de
serve credit for the best grade of illustra-
tions now being used for advertising pur-
which have been appearing ON the last page
of the Century represent some of the most
capable book and magazine artists in the
country. Tie series must have cost no
small figure. AS yet the sway up artists
do not sign the work they do for advertis-
ers, but apprehend that it will not be long
ere we shall see in the advertising columns
such names as George Wharton Edwards,
f w. Kemble, etc. Such men as these bring
TO their work, besides mere mechanical
skill, trained imagination and an artistic
conception of things. These qualities, when
used in connection with advertisements,
command scarcely less interest than when
used in the ordinary literary way. PRINT
er's Ink, August f9, 1891.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

A acon1an acho can see.
She's the woman who gets well.
It's the woman who tc0n't see and
won't believe who has 20 suffer.
And it's needless. There's a
medicine-a legitimate medicine =
that's made to stop woman's suf-
fering and cure woman's ailments.
It's DIR. Pierce's Favorite Prescrip-
ton. It's purely vegetable and
perfectly harmless "a powerful
general, as well as uterine, tonic
and nervine, imparting vigor and
strength to the whole system. For
periodical pains, weak back, bearing
down sensations, nervous prostra-
ton, and all female complaints"
it's positive remedy. 1t improves
digestion, enriches the blood, dispels
aches and pains, melancholy and
nervousness, brings refreshing sleep,
and restores health and strength.
No other medicine for women is
guaranteed, as this is. If it fails to
give satisfaction, in any case, the
money paid for it is refunded. You
pay only for the good you get. On
these terms it's the cheapest.
But more than that, it's the best.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
TACKLED THE WRONG MAN.
The Festive Drummer Is Not Always SO
Badly Laid Out, However.

The Festive Drummer Is Not Always so
Badly Laid Out, However.
A young Englishman had been stop
ping at the Richelieu for three days. lie
drawled about the corridor with his
hands stuffed into his pockets and
hrawled an occasional answer to
question in a way familiar to readers of
the comic weekly He looked the typic-
nj stage English noodle at first glance,
but his neck and face were q trife too
brown to warrant the same conclusion
nfter second glance. The smart
drummer didn't look twice, however.
The smart drummer never does except
when pretty girl is across the dinner
table from him, when he looks five or
ten times at least. He winked at his
friends, who were sitting in their big
leather chairs at the window and walked
over to where the young English
man stood. The young Englishman
lad his hands stuffed in his pockets.
and he was apparently watching the
procession of smart turnouts on the
boulevard. His eyes, at least, were
turned in that direction, although there
was really no expression on his face to
indicate that he saw across the street.
Just over?" the drummer asked.
"Yaas," yawned the Englishman
beautiful street, amt it?"
"Chawmn, sab.
"Going out west?'
''Yaas."
Rough country ont there" said the
drummer, winlxing again. Hope you're
n E,r
hands before you get to the city limits.
The Indians are swarming all over the
West Side, ghost dancing and all that
sort of thing"
Really with some astonishment).
"Oh. YES" continued the drummer,
warming up to his subject. Attacked
a ear ont here on West Madison street.
killed the conductor with his own bell
punch, and scalped the defenseless
passengers. Oh, she's hot town.
Gen. Miles has gone out with detach-
ment of cavalry to check the redskins.
People are fleeing from their homes.
Attacks are made on every train and
the engineers are wearing boiler-iron
clothes as a protection against the bull
let's
The Englishnan drew a package of
cigarettes from his pocket and selected
one which he lit. Then he turned
rather abruptly On the drummer and
laid one large brown paw on the young
mans shoulder. son" he said, you
give me a bad pain. If you have any
more fairy stories to tell about this
neck of country pick out tenderfoot
I've been punchin' cattle on the prairies
for ten years and pass you up"
The Englishman resumed his vacant
stare and the drummer went away
without paying his biIl.-Chica~o Her
al
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
MODERN SURGERY.
Remarkable Operations Successfully Pc



The extent to which the body can be
mutilated without a fatal result 10 be-
yond what most people think. OF
course, the removal of the largest limb
is familiar fact; and, indeed, the sue
cessive removal of all the limbs would
result in nothing worse than incon-
venience. But in the same way internal
organs may be extirpated. lhisis tacil-
itated by their duality.
One eye may be taken oct, and he
sight remain practically unimp..ircd
One kidney may be removed. and the
other will make up the loss by doini-
double work. The case is essentially
the same when disease has destroyed
the functional activity of a kidney; and,
therefore, a person in that condition
need not be without hope.
In like manner, disease NAV have rem
dered one lung solid, like liver, and
thus functionally useless and yet the
person may live in good hea tn to old
age. Could the half-consumed lung of
the consumptive only heal up the walls
cease to extend their ravages, the pa
tient might, with care, enjoy a long.
useful and happy life.
Large portions of the brain may be
removed without injury to life or intel
lect. Persons have lived for years, and
been well, with bullets in the brain.
The liver has been cut in two by tight
lacing. the pressuse causing an atrophy
of the part below-without ending
either the life or the folly of the fash
ionable devotee
a portion of the intestines has been
cut out and the severed ends sewed to-
gether, and their normal action and
function have not been in the least in
terfered with. And what seems more
amazing, dogs have had their entire
stomachs eXtirpated without impairing
digestion.
Recently a man, fift-- seven years old,
had large portion of his stomach cut
ont, in consequence of tumor. The
piece was nearly a foot square. The
discovered parts We're sewed together,
and the patient ate dinner of hash
twelve days after the operation, and
was dismissed cured at.the end of three
weeks. Five months later he was pre-
scented before the medical society-the
Royal Society of Physicians of Vienna
wholly well. with no trace of the re-
turn of the cancerous disease, aud with
digestion perfectly performed.
Some experts are led to think that
the stomach plays but a secondary part
rs digestive organ, its chief service,
according to this view, being that of a
temporary receptacle. youths Com
panion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
GOODNIGHT.


Good night, my love; : lay ne Ju,vn,
Ine while the Old clock Of the town
Kings outfor me ceep good o rit
Thou cans: not hear the worGs I "a.
Nor hear he tender prayer / pay.
That tkel mag'st io-s me slniercd vide
- thou do-t love H- Is thv side;
Aud - 10 the0s ms hearts delight,
say again loves last goodnight
g 1od-ntxht I'm wondering how twin be
When life i slipping far from me,
When. o-aWn b. deaths tranquility.
The far-,-L iGdeI - morn see
Then wit thou ass tie failing face,
80 dear 70 taee in earlier graccs
And say. No soul can take the place
Thy lifelong love for thee hath voas
i Good night a lite further on
III take thy han III kiss thiae eyes
Lit by the uew az - Fapt surprise.
The twin Of soul the tyaly we'd
Gan never part Rest wifeiy head!
Dear heart ~ not disquieJed,
For fast follow after thee.
TO Gad p. last reality
or shau see bus empty space
When mine eves. dying. seek thy facet
AEd wil- thou be too far fTom me
To hear I4-y last goodnight u thee;
] know not Oaly this know.
= Goodnight" Ills sweet % murmur low
BY two tear words I'm nearer thee
by al 1heir priceless legacy.
And burden fond 4 memory,
That holds thy first goodnight 10 ne.
Then music thrilled with deeper tone,
Told but one st0ry-trus loves own:
And life, our life, was Just begun
Its meaning learned, two lives in one
Good night dear love. pray the Lord
w every promise % His word
That. day and night. may follow thee,
With ever folding ministry.
Thy better angels. holding thee
IN all loud days prosperity.
AMI In the haunting nigat-wstch lone;
From all the evil SINS hath wrought.
Prom tempting deed and soiliug thought.
From sorrow ana from murdered faith,
Prom llss in lifc and loss in death,
The blessed angels hold thee sure,
And lead thee safe and save thee pure.
Goodnight. The old clock % the town
strikes nights last hour. The morning
crown
Touches the siicHce- Dropping down,
Before us gone. the midnight quite.
Once mere, y love, dear good night
Mary Clemmer Hudson
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys
tenn efectually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent Qualities commend it
to al and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in Doc
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
gists. ANY reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand viii pro
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. Do not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA FIG syrup co.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
The stubbornest Things on Earth

Are facts. AS Burns says, "Thev winns
gang" Here's specimen. IL is fact thai
despite underhand competition, detractiOr
and imitation. H0stetter's Stomach Bitters
the leading national specific for malaria
dyspepsia, debility, liver complaint, nerv-
BUSINESS, rheumatism, neuralgia and kidney
inaction, has not only held its own, but Ions
since outsped all rivals in the race for pop
ularity.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
Juvenile Precaution.

Anxious Mother--What in the world
did you do during that terrible thunder
storm?
Little Dick-I cot under tree.
Horrors! Don't you know a tree
Is a most dangerous place in a thu der-
storm?"
''Oh, jumped out every thee 1t thun-
dered- food News
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
Very Blue Laws.

Jack (strolling home from the even
ing services)-There used to be law
in New England prohibiting kissing en-
Sunday.
Maude (coyly)-Well, it isn't in force
now, is it?"
land the moon went behind cloud
to Laugh Puck
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
: WHEA 7
AND COARSE GRAIN
German
Syrup"
Group.
~SAnr THIS PAEEs even tin. 100 ui,a

We have selected two or
Group. three lines from letters
freshly received from pa
rents who have given German Syrup
to their children in the emergencies
of Group. You will credit these,
because they come from good, sub
stantial people, happy in finding
what so many families lack-a med
icine containing no evil drug, which
mother can administer with con-
fidence to the little ones in their
most critical hours, safe and sure
that it will carry them through.
ED L. WILLIS, of Mrs. JAs.W. KIRK,
Alma, Neb. / give it Daughters College,
to my children when Harrodsburg, KY. /
troubled with Group have depended upon
and never saw any it in attacks of Group
preparation act like with my little daugh-
Il. It's simply mi ter, and find il an in
racrious. valuable remedy.
Fully one-half of our customers
are mothers who use Boschee's Ger
man Syrup among their children.
A medicine to be successful with the
little folks must be treatment for
the sudden and terrible foes of child
hood, whooping cough, Group, diph-
liberia and the dangerous inhamma-
tons of delicate threats and lungs. o
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
-out of the Mouths. ETC."

Elderly Maiden tout rowing with a
possible sutton and her little sister, who
Is frightened by the wavesl-Theodora'
II You are so nervous now, what uiL
you be at my age?
Little Sister (meeklyl-Thirty-seven,
! suppose Life.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

81 wouldn't marry the best man on
earth" she said vigorously, with a
touch of malice in her tones.
And why not?" inquired her COM
panion.
Because" and she smiled, 81
wouldn't know what to do with him.
One that isn't quite so good would lit
me better, l think. Detroit Free
Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
When n Man is Broke.-Mr. Va

When Man is Broken Valisc-
VIII you allow me to sell Ninnyham-
mer?" Principal-"My dear boy, he
hasn't got "a cent" Mr.. Valise-"Per-
haps you don't know be has just mar
ried an heiress?" Principal-"Thats so.
Well, in that case keep away from his
store altogether. Jewellers Circular.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

"A recently-arrived Italian did rush
ing business in Winsted, Conn, selling
watermelons at two for Ave cents.
Two for FIVE" was the only cry ne
knew. as his employer had never before
sent him out TO sell anything but la
uanaS Boston Traveller,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

-Perdo-'I heah that the Anglo club
fellaws talk of expelling Gawge Van
Leah fab cawwying pawkage on the
avenoo." Cadley-"Ah, hut that's eff,
v know. The pawkage turned ont to
be a sick fawx terrier rolled up N a
biawnket Truth
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
The Early RIr.f.

Ethel-Do you like Mr.. Eames. mann
ma
Mamma Ia young widow)-Why,
yes, darling.
Ethel-And Mr.. Webster ?
Mamma-Yes, dear.
Ethel-And Mr.. Fish, and Mr.. Dixon,
and Mr.. sheldon?
Mammal like them all, pet.
Ethel-Which one are you going TO
marry. then ?
Mamma-The one who proposes first,
darling.-Jury.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
When to Slug Him.

A mosquito in getting in his work EN-
ploys a lance, two saws and an ar
rangement for pumping blood The
right time to ''swipe" him is while he
is saving off nerve to make hole in
which to insert the pump. The whole
kit of tools is then yours -Boston
GlohA
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
One Fare for the Round Trip to All Points


September 18th and Goth the Chicago &
Eastern Illinois Railroad Company viii sell
Harvest Excursion tickets to all points
South at one fare for the round trip. Tickets
good 80 DAYS from date of sale.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24
Perfectlx Satisfied.
What did

$50 your husband is dead What did
he leave you?"
II haven't inquired. | am perfectly
satisfied so long as he has left me.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

Spoiled His Little Joke. -Fweddie
about high-prieed horses
know Of a horse that brought twenty
thousand dollars" Gawge-"Where
did he bring 1t to-" Fweddie-"You
moan old thing. Yankee Blade
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

If you are tired taking the large old fash
toned gripping pills, try Carter's Little Liver
Pills and take some comfort A man can't
stand everything. One pill dose. Try them
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

"wHAT is the reason Of this craze among
the girls for fencingl" "You see. It teaches
them to feint cefully."-Baltimore
American.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-24

No WONDER highwaymen are SO numer-
GUS in this country, when every schoolboy
on defamation day is taught to stand and
and deliver Texas Siftings.