The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1891-05-08

You have no Mills because you are TOO
lazy to build them; no purses TO be proud
Of, because you have no abcotile,' 10 carry
your boys don't look for pastures new, be-
cause they can't afford TO leave palaf's sup
port. Webseet is good enough for YOU. and,
with exceptions, it's The Same viii, is. You
don't want the besi, because away from
hoale YOU might have to earn Your grub
You have no Nasty because your news
Is picked mp from the glitter and begged OF
your neiglihar.s And We have heard of your
ni,'e, shady wink connecting Sudaville and
Waterloo, and predict Non might mike
living from IL were mud an Industry, iudg-
ing from the 500 GOO tons Of mud three feet
deep that your sslice, shaIlyi walk is pos
sessed OF.
Now as for my coming over TO spend the
wonted week, you have my thanks for the
informed that big-headry is contagious
around your humhle door, and will study
my novels at home and send your share by
mail Not much, can't brirp my dictionary
over Just nov, fer II yop should peruae its
siilsen leaves yon would bust your hritches
and glue them 10 n news spaper. ''SaSeyi'
or rather, You being an Trishman, eall it
No, you don't fill three columns With
items as = sign of business, because Won
haven't any buafiess; hat YOU soap the ed
other peoples hllSiness. Oh, no, AIR. G. r,
don't speak oi the merry war among the
eorr9spopdents, and yonr getting this
chicken dowsi You haven't the giz2ard To
attempt such as that as the shot in your
boots amt heavy enough. Sable, again ?
As for the bull ring, lust wait a day or
we Will march in force from Bunehgrass
and snap yon ula by Your long, pokiaf, OIL
hand nose, and clean the mud and tobacco
cuds troni Your Shiny pool oi adultcrated
vinegar enlled soda To catch suckers with.
| Now, Mr.. Grower, when yod start out 10
| do the brother correspondents up in the
D Il
two can play, and you are going to find
4 yonr match, s'aud don't you forget it," We
! lto1't propose 10 Kill your feelings entirely
| this time; but should your most delicate
| few back numbers of the .'ENpress'' and 20
% your great, the Observation-Disclosures
iae iieal slop,pot aud while you read over
| your past Waterloo fuohshness, gently
battle the mud from your walk and grease
| from the affected parts, and DIR. Gum will
warrant the cure.
Now, Mr.. Boaster, don't you Just grow
too full Of wiad about yOur- hig town, and
/ ii this advice isn't needed yeur oyeralls are
| bound to Iis, and the best plan for yed TO
| follow Is Just to Keep Oh your shirt or the
| sun Will bake yoar hide, Oh Mr.. Windy
! you've bte try ns IL pun down all the cor
1 respondents simply because you have no
other business. on haven't even got en-
1 ierprise enough 10 bu:l1 streets to loaf on
10 your old age; and such case you are.
Ma'sy thanks for your few lines OF windy
| verse, and in return ] tender YOU the fol-
lowing, which / will not advise YOU to iii
sert in your pocketbook, but kindly pin IL
10 the esin OF your hat, SO thar it Will hang
over Your eyes 70 remind You of your fslly
at all times. Though IN be pleasantly
browsing in pastures new beyond the beam
tifih Cascades when you are blessed with
this advice, don't you for one moment for-
I set that the bird never hics sn far that Ills
isil doesn't follow him. and this is the case
! with { II f).Ss T-failb should vou attempt to
/ show eli again. 50 look sharp, my little
ninn; my pencil isn't worn out yet. Now
kiGdtY read nv verses and srS off aud soak
yoar head, air Windy, and perhaps yoall
have better idea of tins queer world you
loiter in:
THE rIRGE OF WATERLOO"
Oh l.ssk 10 u, you soda Cracker,
Seu'le sta and dry as dust
Non poke your head INFO Your spring
Until your ntse is ftIil of rust
Yon'vs se9rtcd ynor-elf from better men;
| Nc'li il II you ies- and thcre:
You can't sessTe Us. yp5t &c sure,
! So set in If you dare
You have snarietl at nlei, fron DISTANCE.
Bur YOU caa never look them face to faee;
50 piaehe1 Is Your tshOly afS,'
/ fhst ytsu nave fell iro,n grace.
Your rock aud sinl,-te,vn 'city1
NO, oes no 3.I oiye ne 10 sener9i stege
! Or are fired out OF doors.
When your spring quit Allowing.
You caught tle lisease bad iiek,''
Then you pitched into so,la,iile
And Gtseeked like q duck.
You call it Waterloo. do ycu2
] We cali it the fool paradise,
Because il has \ windy man
! 1ha. tells Us doubles lies
| Come over 10 Laennih;
| For yul we have pity;
Then 20 baes your Foolish friends
And tell them you We seen a city.
Bewasee, Of rs. my friend wiz you2
You II get il hard and toueh,
Wen eiake the giZzard oJii OF yoti,
| Wen make You hoiler enough"
IAcoslB, Or Anrii % 1891