Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-07-14
B0WSER FAMILY.
TIE SRLFoOSCRTID HAD OF TaLr FAMOUS
HOUSEHOLD.
Tries to Put Up Screen Door, Notwithstanding his
Wife Tells BIN Hs Can't Do It-As Usual Es
Makes Complete Failure and Blanss
bis Wife With Il



"Why?" he cautiously asked in reply.
"We ought to have a screen door to
the kitchen. There's where the flies
come in. We can use one OF the doors
we brought with Us, but well have to
have a carpenter to hang It,"
eve will, Ell? beg to differ.
don't propose to pay no carpenter three
or four dollars for what l can do in half
an hour. I'll fix it myself"
'But don't you remember, Mr.. Bow
ser-don't you remember that ysu-"
THAT 1 what?"
''You tried to hang a Screen-door last
summer in Detroit and you got so mad
you nearly tore the house down."
Il did, Ell? That's a pretty yarn for
you to stand up there and spinl In the
first place, I never tried to hang a
screen-door, and in the second L never
got mad"
s'But yOu-yOu" - she stammered.
Nothing of the sort! don't even
remember that we had a screen-door. l
never tried to hang one. l never got
mad. Inever even saw a fly around our
house in Detoit. Change of climate
seems to hsYe had a very queer effect ON
you"
"But won't you send up carpen-
ter?"
''Not by a jugful! shan't have any
thing to do at the Office this afternoon,
and if there's bit of tinkering around
the house it will be fun for me-"
He returned at noon, having heavy
parcel with him, and when Mrs. Bowser
asked about the contents he cut the
string and replied:
Just a few tools. Come handy to
tinker with. Every man ought to keep
a few tools and do his own repairing. l
think saved US at least $500 last year. "
'sWell, hope you won't fly mad over
your work. A screen door is a very
particular thing to hang"
''Ohl it Isl You've hung lots of 'em,
presumed
81 know that It takes a skilled work
man"
YOU'D better write a book and call it:
'What ] Know About Screen Doors l
ought to feel awful proud to think 1
have such a smart wife! Run right in,
now. and begin on the first chapter OF
your 0oGl"
Mr.. BOwser descended to the cellar,
where he found four screen doors OF
different sizes. He selected one he
thought would fit and carried il up. 1t
was six inches too high. The next was
four inches TOO short. The third was
almost long enough to make two such
doors as he wanted. He had the fourth
one, which was almost tit, in the back
yard, when Mrs. BOwser came out 10
say:
'Tf You had first measured the open
ing and then measured your doors, you
wouldn't have had TO lug up but this
one"
"WouldnT I? Perhaps you under
stand my object in bringing up the
extra ones? Perhaps IL is the duty of
a husband 10 explain every little move
he makeS?"
The door had to be sawed off about
an inch at the top. Mr.. BOwSer brought
out a couple of kitchen chairs, made a
scratch on the door with a nail, aud was
about to use the saw, when she asked:
aren't you going to strike line
across there?"
''FOr what reaSOn?"
eff you don't you can't saw straight"
Cant I? Perhaps l am blind?"
strip and held the frameup to the open
ing 1t was plain that he had run his
saw at an angle.
st told you So" she quietly observed.
''Told me what" he replied, as he
turned on her. "DO you suppose [
don't know what I'm about! Do you
imagine [ wanted a straight top on that
.doorl II you know so much go ahead
and finish the job"
Mrs. BOwSer went into the house, and
Mr.. BowSer held the frame up again TO
see that he would be obliged to tack on
a strip or leave an opening for all the
flies i'm New York State. He was saw
ing piece of one Of the other doors to
make this strip when Mrs. BOwser APP
peared and said:
'You'n spoil that door, too, Mr..
BowSer. Why don't you take a piece
from this box? II you had put a
straight-edge on the other and marked
il YOU would have been all right"
Mrs BOwser," he began as he laid
down the saw, sam LA purblind child
five or six years old, who must be
brought in when it rains, or am 1 the
man of the house, forty years of age
and generally supposed to have sense
enough TO not sit down under pile
driver to eat my dinners"
"Rut you'll never make that door
fit," she protested.
'If I don't no other man on earth
need try"
She went iRagain and he sawed of a
strip and nailed it on the other door.
Then he held it up to find the frame
half an inch too long. Mrs. Bowser re-
appeared and was about to say some
thing, but he glared at her so Savagely
that She went back without a word.
ssThe Internal old kitchen is either
lifting up or settling down." he grOwled
as be held the door up. 1--WE got TO
saw piece of the bottom to make fit.
and she'll either fiji or down comes the
shanty!"
He sawed of piece and got what he
called a it. he smiled and chuckled
over his success, and had the hinges on
when Mrs. BOwser came out to ask:
"What good is door there If you
leave all those craeks9"
ssCracksl Cracks You can't find
onep
"IOok here-and here-and here!
Mr.. Bowser, even the bumblebeeS OF
New York would have no trouble in fly
ing in therel And how are You putting
that spring on?"
Mr.. BOwser laid down the hammer,
the gimlet and the screwdriver, and
after wiping of his flushed face he
stood erect and pointed into the kit
chen. Mrs. BOwser disappeared with
ont word. Then he inspected and
found cracks.
s.Confounded old doorway is out OF