The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-04-17
puNcENT PARAGRAPHS.


vonr bill called additional expenses"
for? Plumber-That is for my time
consumed in making out the bill.-Ian-
kee Blade.
A Necessary Qualiication.-Cum
81 think will become professional
literary critic" Fangle-"You can't!
You have not got the dyspepsia" -
Niagara Spray.
-Drummer-"Have you fire escape
In this hotel?" Boniface - I'VE have
ten of them" Drummer-''Thought so.
The fire all escaped from my room last
night and | almost froze." jewelers.
Circular.
Not a Sprintcr.-"Do you see that
man over there? How extraordinarily
slow he seems in all his movements"
NO wonder. That is Gambits, the cele'
brated chess player" - Chicago Satur-
day Herald.
-Unintentional.- have just heard
that my family physician is dead. just
think! He was scarcely thirty years
old" ''Then l must say that don't
see how you can have any confidence in
physician who dies so early" - File
gende Batter.
Under ''sketchy little thing" ex-
hibitcd by Jones, there hangs printed
card which bears the words: ''Do not
touch with canes or umbrellas" An
unapprcciative small boy added the fol-
lowing postscript: "Talle d AK
do You know" said Miss Belle
Peppcrton to Gus De Jay, THAT I think
you would be an excellent subject for a
poem?" ''What-aw-suggest that
to you?" 81 was reading some of the
verses in the obituary column. Wash
ington Post.
A Sl1ctch.-Wife Neutrality-suspicious.
thing is going to happen, dearest. Yes,
yes, | have a prescntimcnt. | feel sure
of it." Husband thoroughly acquaint-
ed with his spouse)-"No, | think not.
The drcssmaker and milliner called
while you were out, and I-er-settled
the bills" Wife (rapturously)-"Dar-
ling r'-American Grocer.
-Fogg-''What things women are to
take fellow in earnest" Brown-'As
for instance" Fogg when my wife
started for New York, said in per-
functory way, 'By-by. my dear and
from the bills that have been sent to
me l suspect she's been doing but little
else since she went way.'-Boston
Transcript.
The Captain-'Col. Waxem will be
banquetcd after his wedding tonight
and am to respond to the toast, None
but the brave deserve the fair What
the deuce shall say?" The Major-''I
har ly know how to advise you. After
you've seen the bride, you'll have to
turn your speech into an argument to
prove either that WaXem isn't brave or
that he isn't getting his deserts. Kate
Fields Washington.
Out of the Question.--Great Mer-
chant-'"rhe business has increased so
in the past year, Mr.. Penwiper, that
when you order the new account books
you had better get them twice the size
of the old ones" Mr.. Penwiper-"Yes.
sir. Don't you think, sir, in view of this
fact, that | might have an increase in
my salary?" Great Merchant-"What
After such an expensive set of books
couldn't think of it" --Brooklyn Life.
He Was Mistaken.-He-''I know.
MISS kaJoneS. That 1T looks like great
presumption for me to speak of love to
you. / have neither youth nor good
looks am poor, uneducated and have
no influential friends. | have nothing
that can attract the admiration of q
young lady" She-''You are mistaken,
Mr.. Winchester, admire your magnif-
cent erve."-Chicago Tribune.
Lecturer on Art-"Before sitdown
I shall be happy to answer any ques-
tions that any of You may wish to ask. -
Gentleman in Audience-'I have en-
joyed the lecture much, sir, and have
understood it all except few technical
terms. VIII you please tell me what
you mean by the words perspective
'fresco' and 'miclSle-anjelo?' Lecturer
sits down discouraged.-N. Y. Ledger.