Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-03-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

a trade mark-Talking shop.
A popular measure-Brim- full.
The Farmers Alliance-A rural mar
riage.
The cowboy in the high-heeled boots
is in his stocking feet Chicago Neos.
An Arab who has lost his teeth prob
ably speaks only gum Arabic.-Bu6a1o
Express.
He-"May hope2" Shc-"Yes; if
you will promise never to refer to the
matter again. Lie.
The tanners trade is an entirely honor
able one, and yet they do say it is skin
deal. Binqhamton Republican.
E. 2. Laffer-"That old doctor is a
funny fellow" Dana S. Lydig-"Yes,
indeed. He's always taking somebody
off,"
Old habits are hard to get rid of-as
you find when you take. them to the
second-h clothing Etore-St. Joseph
(No.) Ne'oS.
1t is not advisable for bank cashier
to read nautical tales; the practice might
inspire him to become ''skipper." y
Boston Courier.
"Ill bet," said Chollie, ''judging
from the way these trousers shrink, the
wool was shorn from an unusually timid
sheep. ."-Puck.
Judge-''Boy, do you understand the
nature of an oath?" Juvenile Witness
"Yes'r. It's human nature, reckon
Chicago Tribune.
The bachelor thinks that the baby is
blot on the landscape, and the baby's
mother knows that the bachelor is
SomerDiUe Journal.
Ethel-''I always make it a point to
learn something new every day" Maud
"Then you are not so old as l thought
you. ."-Harper'S Bazar.
OF all the torments known toman
The greatest, we assert,
Is to wear a fourteen collar
Upon a fifteen shirt.
Goodalps Sun.
sold Curmudgeon is the meanest,
stingiest man in town, and yet you say
that there isn't a selfish hair ON his
head" "Curmudgeon, sir, IS entirely
bald"
Oh, gas may escape and gas may burst,
And vanish in noise and flame;
But the meters hand, in its quiet way,
Goes travelling onward day by day,
And gets there just the same.
Topical Times.
An eminent surgeon says that with
four cuts and few stitches he can alter
a mans face so his own mother would
I. % Ot,r
daily newspapers do that much with only
one cut.-WercuTy.
When in the footlight's glare she stands,
Men think her one of the fairy queens;
What would they say,
Could they but see
The way she tackles the pork and beans.
Chicago Netrs.
Scientific Notes: How wonderfully
are the inventions of man anticipated in
the animal kingdom! The cuttle-fish
has the power of covering itself with
sudden effusion of any inky fluid-and
what more can man do with the most in
gcnious fountain pen9-PucS
Unless with marriage mean to dispense
Now's the time to wed, and no longer
tarry;
If longer wait may have more sense
l.
marry.
Judge.
Ignoramus lat party few years
hence)--"What is the matter with Miss
Beauty's once lovely arms9 They are full
of horrid red blotches and scratches"
Scientific Guest-''Oh, that's all right.
She has simply been vaccinated against
consumption, smallpox, typhoid fever,
and twenty or thirty other diseases. p
New York Weekly
sI should like to observe, madame"
said the patient border, ''that while am
very fond OF the neck of the fowl you
are carving shall deny n yself this and
beg for large white chunk off the
breast. With this view have had my
trunk packed and drayman is now wait
ing at the door for an answer. Er-ls
it breast or neck g'- Chicago Nsus,