The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-04-08
WIT AND HUMOR,


Henpecked husbands are a unit in
favor of the closure rule. Closure
means shut p.-Sardtogtan.
The chances are that the man who
hates himself has studied himself pref
ty Observation-Disclosures Sentinel.
He knows his own mind, and don't
you forget it." 20, is that what
makes him SO ignorantP"- Joseph
NeUs.
Mr.. Bookly-'"Reading maketh a
full man. says Bacon" Mrs. Bookly
THAT may be; but reading never
gives man a red nose"
'Are you acquainted with thisP"
asked Banks as he displayed an up
paid note to its maker. NO." replied
Kyting, Il never met it."-Puck.
She (piqued)-'I don't know exact
ly what to make of you, Mr.. Bland"
He (eager to suggest) -"Er-why not
try husband P"-Americaas Grocer.
How was it that the Judge granted
your divorce before even reading your
petitionp" He was my wife's first
husband. -Currier des Etdts Unis.
Boggs-''Eyer see such fool as
Noodles is making of his childp' Joggs
Yes; he's going to leave it his per-
sonal property. ."-Drake's Magazine.
ibid you read my last article?" said
one writer to another, Il did," Don't
you think it was a pretty exhaustive
review of the subject?n 81 found it
so. Washington Post.
Mrs. Bond-"Did you tell Mrs. Jaw
smith that was out, NorahP" Norah
II did, num- Mrs. Bond-"Did
she say anythingP" Norah-"She said
Thank goodness, mum."-M Y. San.
Reader-''Your paper is very much
better than it used to be, Mr.. Paster."
say So" Reader-''Yes, you're clip
ping SO much more. ."-Boston Courier.
Mr.. Haynes-.M Mrs. Hautton do you
know your neighbors, the Joneses?'
Mrs. Hautton-'tNo." Mr.. Haynes
''Why. they told me they knew you"
Mrs. Hautton-''So they do, believe"
-Puck.
..Are Mr. and Mrs. Green at homer"
swered the bell. Yes care they
engagedP" The small girl looked hor-
rified as she answered.: why, they
are married"
DR.. Killall-"Did the medicine 1
prescribed for your husband act prop
erlyP" Mrs. Gladwidder-'sO yes,
very nicely, DOCTOR Thanks, awfully.
And / had no trouble with the life in
surance. IN Y. Herald.
Teacher-"When the wise men came
to the King what did they say?" Boy
They said. o King, live foreverr"
Teacher : Quite right; and what
then?" Boy-"And Immediately the
King lived forever. Life.
''Style is the dress of thoughts, you
know" he said to her, somewhat pat
ronizingly, over their reading. That's
why you are not obliged to care for
Style" she responded demurely, and
was still. Washington Star.
Watts Women don't seem to mar
ry so early as they did some few years
ago." Potts-No; they don't. The
great number of 30-year-old widows
with grown daughters is proof enough
of that. ."-Indianapolis Journal.
What do you know about the dis
solution of Parliament" the managing
editor asked of the new man at the
AololSu uoSh' Noenih' nc Sdlu III
nocently; II didn't know it was dis
solute at all."- Washington Star.
She-"What an uncongenial COM
pany it must have been." He--.'No;
they all had something in common to
talk about She = What could it
have beenP" He-''Their hosts genius
for bringing the wrong people togeth-
''Wiggins must be making
quite fortune out of his non-losable
makes you think SOP" Briggs-"I
have bought three of them since yes
terday morning.-Clothier and Fmr-
nisher.
Neighbor-"I hear your husband
mas had his life insured for a large
amount Mrs. Sourface-e'He has,
has hep just like him. Gone off and
insured himself for a fortune, and he
hasn't insured me for a penny. IN.
7. Weekly.
Proprietor st. Fashion Hotel-"Sor-
ry to have you leave us SO soon."
Guest-'Important engagement. Here
is a quarter for you" Proprietor
Sir! / am the proprietor of this no.
tel, sirr' Guest-"Ah! Beg pardon.
Here's half dollar. IN. Y. Weekly.
Bookkeeper-"I eff you are out when
Mr.. Ownen comes in tomorrow to or
der q suit of clothes what shall tell
himp" Tailor-"How do you know he
is coming IMP" Bookkeeper = He
sent $40 to-day to apply on that old
account. Smith, Gray &c Co.'S Month";
ly.
Mrs. urray-Hill-''You're not real
ly going to the Pastime boxing con-
tests, are you, John? 1 wish you
wouldn't. I'm sure it must be dread
full thing" Mr.. Murray you're
much mistaken. my dear; this is a
regular kid-glove affair. ."-Ihe Weeks
Sport.
His Sister-"Carrie Golddust has
just asked me to be one of her BRIDE
maids" Jack-"By Jove! Do you
know, ! think brides are some of the
greatest fools there are!'' ''WhyP"
Because they never marry the best
man, don't ySu know."-Sn1ith, Gr0y
d Co.'S Monthly.
An Englishman who had been in
vited to dine at certain German court
had the misfortune to upset a glass of
tom in England?" inquired prince
ling. Not in the least abashed, the
Englishman answered.: mot exactly;
but when it does happen nobody makes
fuss about il"
Young Husband-''H Here's the old
chestnut about a rose being just as
sweet by any other name. It's lie;
it wouldn't" Young Wife Pray,
what difference could the name makep''
Young Husband-''Well, here's your
own case. Two months ago you were
Miss Catchim, and, Moses! how sweet
you were! and now you're Mrs. Got
tim, and-Jerusalem!n-Bos Cour-
Ter.
"William,'' said Mr.. Gould to q
trusted official, 81 hear that there is a
suspicion among astronomers that
lights on the planet Mars are efforts
made by the Inhabitants to commune
cate with the people on earth" II have
heard of it.'' well, keep close track
of the experiments, and if there is a
system of communication established
kaap 1ookout for options ~ Wash.