The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-01-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

LET us consider tile thing soberly.'
':All right. I'll wait until you are
ready-to-morrow, say!'-N Y. San:
Talking of a National air. the strong.
est this country is able to furnish seems
to be the cytlone.-PhitGdelphta Times:
A bank is an institution into which
YOU put confidence aud money and
draw out your contidence!-PhitdtteI-
fItia Times:
He-"You never call me Birdie any
more" She-.'Still | think you are
Just as much of a jay us ever. ."--1erre
Haute ErpreSS.
Hammock dresses" are announced
for summer wear. Something that
girl can slip out of easily, we presume.
-TO1ate7s Statesman.
She-"O, dear. this is simply awful!
I can't see single thing" Helm
a little better off; can see a hat. p
HarUard Ldnapooaa.
He-"I am sure you would like my
brother" Shell have no donbt ]
should. 1 am told you two are so diff.
ferent. ."-1he Epoch.
He-"My income is small and per-
haps it is cruel of me to take you from
your fathers roof" Shell don't
live On the roof. Chatter.
"James. 1 am cleaning house. so be
a good fellow and beat the carpet as
usual" No, l think I'll shake it this
year. - Philadelphia Times.
A new company for the culture of
cork has been formed in this country,
1t shold have no trouble in floating its
stock. -Binghamtom Republican.
Chumley-"I say, Grumly, what's
wrong?' Grumly-''F 'Fired!' CHUNKY
-"Fired?" Grumly-''Yes, came to
the Office loaded" d."-Philodelphia Press.
Mrs. -"Here's an account of man
who loses his fortune and then his
wife," Mr.. B.-''Yes, there's SILVER
lining to every cloud. KeeoDi'se's
NeaOs.
Bilious-"I sleep in feathers, but I
believe it's unhealthy" Tuffnut-
Whats that! Look at the spring
chicken; see how tough he is.'-BostoH
Herald.
At the Garden Concert-''Wo the
gentleman take seat inside? 1t rains
SO hard" 90, no, thank you; we have
lids to our beer mugs" gs."-Fliegeaade
Blatter.
Tailor-s'And you want this thick
piece of leather sewed inside the trous-
ers?" Customer-"Yes; 1 am cam
vassing for religious publication.
Boston Herald.
Young Lady (tailor-made)-'
my seat. please" Old lady (near
g; b,,t x-o,
sir. You are the only gentleman in
Mrs. Fangle-"What is Mrs. CABS
about's reputation as charitable .wos
man based upon?" From Behind the
Newspaper-"Upon her willingness to
attend to other peoples business with
out charge. ."-Bostonian.
Tommy-'.Papa, what is crank?"
Papa-'O. we call il peculiar eccentric
person crank" Tommy-'And q
baseball crank is" Papa "A
baseball crank is man who will not
go to a game. ."-Boston Herald.
"Of course" said Jinks. II am an
anti-slavery man. but l would like to
just once" "Why?" "It would be
Interesting to see MIN WHen ne was
going, going."- Washington Post.
St. Peter Cat the gate)-"Well, who
are youP" Applicant-'I'm DR.. -
of Boston," st. Peter Sorry we
can't admit you, but there is absolute
ly nothing for you to do. You see. we
are immortal -"-Harvard Lanepoon:
His Mother (suddenly opening pan.
try door)-''Here now, sir, what are
you doing up there?" Tommy-''O,
nothin', ma-nothin'. I'm iist lookin'
Judge William H. West, 'tshe blind
orator Of Ohio" broke down COM
pletely while addressing the students
of the Western Theological Seminary
at Pittsburg. His memory utterly
failed him, and though the audience
patiently waited for him to recover,
singing several songs in the meantime,
he was finally obliged to abandon the
effort and his son read his address
from the manuscript.
Prof. DR.. Bruehl, the well-known
lecturer on Zootomical science in Wen
ma University. has been indicted for a
crime against church and religion.
The Minister of Public Works asked
the rector of the university to CALI
upon DR.. Bruehl to explain some of his
recent lectures upon the Darwinian
theories, in which he is an ardent be-
lever. DR.. Bruehl is 70 years of age
and highly respected.
The Rev. DR.. Parkhurst Of New
York used this remarkable language in
the course of sermon at the Madison
Square Presbyterian Church,: 1T is as
much a Christians duty to love his
country as his God. To an American
the Stars and Stripes ought to be as
much of his actual religion as the
Sermon on the Mount, 1t is as much
the duty of New York Christian tc
go to the polls election-day as for him
to go to the Lords table communion.
day"
fer my Sunday-school lesson-sheet; it's
got lost somehow ."-Bostors Beacon.
Mrs Gazzam-'' Fred. is Mr.. Snively
a ChristianP" Gazzam 20, yes"
How do yo1r know?" well. I've
heard him talk through the telephone
every day for six months without the
assistance of profanity. -Bostomian.