Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-01-08


Easily Done-In Society, &C., &c.
LOVE is BLIND.
What fools, indeed, these mortals be!
And foremost in this land
OF many million mortal fools,
The foolish lovers stand.
Each thinks that with his own fair
maid
None other can compare;
Poor thingsl they do not see that
Is twenty times as fair!
Life.
HIS NAME CHEAP.
Miss Prettygal collecting subscrip-
tions for some charity)-Dear Mr.. Jimp-
son, could get your name for So?
Jake Jimpson with ecstatic GRIM
Well, should say so, You can get my
name for nothing and I'll pay the par
son
IN SOCIETY.
ooh, Mr.. Chinchilla," she twittered,
"what a sleepy looking overcoat you
have on"
II beg your pardon" he gasped; 81
don't quite understand, don't you
know"
"Oh, Mr.. Chinchilla, it has so much
nap on it. Ha! Hal"
INSTEAD OF HER.
Jake impson-Darling, love the
very earth you walk on.
Cora Bellows-Then, Of course, you
"want the cal tn. "
THE DOG KNEW THE FLOWER LANGUAGE.
Dogs are wonderful for their intelli-
gcnce, and owners of dogs are perhaps
equally wonderful for their faith and
versatility. Every one of them has a
new story. Here is the latest: "The
other day." says Mr.. Gordon, ~ forgot
to give Bruno his dinner, and in my pre-
occupation paid no attention to him
when he began to beg for it. He went
away at last and was gone for some time.
Then he came in from the garden, bring
ing something in his mouth. And what do
you think it was? A sprig of forget me
otm-[ Youths Companion.
EASILY DONE.
Jagway-I don't see how man can
get along on only two suits year.
Travers-Easy enough. For instance,
| begin with my winter suit on the 1st
| of January, and wear it until the middle
of March. Then 1 put on my spring
| suit and wear it until the 1st of June.
Jagway Then what do you do?
Travers-I keep right on wearing it
Bazaar.
PROPOSED COMPROMISE.
john want you to marry me now.
Mary i can't for twelve months.
John-Can't we compromise it.
Mary-Pll meet you half way, and say
six months.
John--Oh, no. Don't compromise it
that way. Marry me now and don't an
nounce the marriage for twelve months.
i Epoch.
THE LAST FACTORY.
A clergyman riding on the down train
from Boston to Yarmouthport the other
| day had his attention attracted by the
| succession of factories as the train was
passing through Brocton, the city OF
shoes.
GLOW many factories are there here "
he asked a neighborng passenger;
"has the row no end?'
"Thats the last factory" replied the
passenger
"You are mistaken" said the clergy
man, "here is another"
'I tell you that was the last factory, y
| said the other imperturbably
AS there was likely to be a hot argu-
ment, a third person, paciically inter
posed ard explained that it was the last
factory, or, in other words, the factory
where lasts are made Cape Cod Item.
FISH FOOD FOR THE MANY.
For the shocmaker-Sole.
For the despondent-Bluefsh.
| For the perfumer--Smelt.
For the pension agent--Shark.
For the bad boy-Whalc.
For the orator-Tongues and Sounds.
For the mcrchant-C. o. d.
For the soldier-Swordfsh.
For boys in winter-Skates.
For the actor--Stariish.
For the impccunious Goldfish.
INTERRUPTED THE STORY.
| Alphonso-Do you know, Miss Maud
wcally had half mind lahst night
Miss Maud-O, why didn't you call ol
me last night?
| IN A SENSE.
Shady-NTy reputation is very dear t.
me.
Ontoit-Probably. Have to pay ca 81
for everything, don't you?
a coNNoIssEuR.
Art Dealer--ITere, now, is n genuin,
work of art by one Of the old masters
It's in perfect preservation.
Customer from st. Louis What's it
wuth2
Its cheap at $500"
ayes, it's cheap enough, but it amt
exactly what | ant"
What kind of picture are you look
ing forl"
II want one about five feet long and
three feet eleven inches wide, to hang
over the pianner."
HE WAS RIGHT.
"Are you-l" said the customer hest
tatingly to the naughty young woman at
the glove counter, who kept her eyes
fixed on spot three feet above his head.
"WcllI" inquired the naughty young
woman.
care you the proprietor of this storen
asked the customer.
mo, I'm not" replied the naughty
| young woman.
"Ah,n continued the customer, ~
thought as much. The proprietor would
likely try to sell me pair of gloves,
perhaps. y Chicago Times.