davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
Habit Beat the Bishop.

The Washington correspondent of the Boston
Gazette says that during the session of the
Methodist Conference one of the ministers
went into a drugstore about dusk on chilly
evening and asked the proprietor for good,
mild cigar. After paying for it he added:
us there any place around your store where
can have a quiet smoke? Our Bishop has
Just been preaching pretty sharply against the
use of tobacco, so don't want to smoke round
the house where am staying, nor out on the
street, on account of the bad example might
set. But a mild cigar does rest one so?'
The druggist quite agreed with him and said:
"Step behind my prescription counter. sir;
you will be unseen there"
Two minutes later another good minister
came into the store. bought mild cigar and
asked if he might be permitted to smoke in the
store, because;
"Our Bishop has just been preaching against
smoking" he explained almost in the exact
words of his predecessor.
He also was sent behind the prescription
counter. The screen hid the two dominies from
sight, but it did not shut out the peas of laugh
ter which arose when minister No. 2 encoun-
tered minister No. l.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
A GOOD EXAMPLE.

The Legislature of Minnesota may be
little wild on the subject of tights and
signed newspaper articles, but it has set an
example to other legislatures by proving
that it is possible to pass an appor-
tionment bill without even an at
tempt at q gerrymander. The bill
making the Congressional apportionment
was introduced by Democratic Senator,
advocated by the Alliance members and
voted for by the Republicans. According
to the vote of 1888 six of the seven districts
would be Republican and one Democratic;
according to that of 1890 four are Demo-
cratic and two Alliance. 1t is hardly to be
predicted how they will vote in 1892, but no
one has thought of claiming that any party
has not been treated with perfect fairness.
This proves, what The DISPATCH has
often contended to be true, that it is entirely
possible TO draw up an apporIionment bill
based so clearly on the principles of an even
division of population and the grouping of
territory, that it will appeal to the judg-
ment of every iair-minded man. If it were
possible to enforce such rule, it would be
well to forbid any one, while such bills are
pending, from figuring out how the party
vote will stand in the proposed districts.
But as long as there are partisans such cal
culations will be made. They can, how
ever, be overcome By making the division
OF districts SO obviously what is called for
by natural requirements that no unpreju-
diced mind will object to it.
If the Farmers Alliance movement can
secure the general adoption of this example
it will confer such a benefit on the country
that its other vagaries may be forgiven.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
Envy of Womankind.

81 once saw young lady refused position
for peculiar reason" SAID drummer to a
Chicago Herald reporter. Il was in one Of the
retail stores on State street talking trade with
the manager of the glove department. 1t
seems he had advertised for young lady to fill
a position at the glove counter. Several had
been selected from among the number that
had responded to the advertisement and sent
to him that he might choose the one whose ap-
pearance and qualifications suited him best
One of them seemed to please his fancy. her
appearance and manner indicating that she
would be the right one for the position,
Presently he said:
"'Remoye your glove and let me see your
hand, please She did so and displayed one of
the smallest, whitest, prettiesr hands ever
looked upon. "A very beautiful hand said he,
as she daintily extended it for inspection, but
l cannot give you the position asked. You see
no lady with ordinary looking hands would be
satisfied with them when contrasted with the
smallness and beauty of yours. Envy would
cause her to think that the gloves made her
hands look large and she would be dissatisfied
and go away without making q purchase. If
your hands were larger and less beautiful
should gladly give you the place And as she
went away with downcast look wondered
how many women there are in the world who
would it they could trade hands with her."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
Not So Favorable.

Berliner Tageblatt.l
Farewell fesh," was the cry on February 10;
welcome flesh is that of to-day. But one
must first have his Easter lamb before he can
eat it, and the price is not yet very cheap. The
American Minister'S banquet made good i'm
preston on the participants. Nevertheless no
one doubted before that there were very good
cattle in America, and one meal "does not make
the goat fat" The 800 oxen which came across
the ocean to Hamburg as an experiment did
not rise to the pinnacle of an ancient Greek
hecatomb, because then the gods had the fat,
the priests the 'tidbits," while the common
folk received all the rest; but at the testing of
the $40 American cattle the working people
who for the present. since Windthorst is dead,
are the lords of the world-were not in the
feast at all.
There are many who would doubt the COM
potency Of Mr.. Phelps guests to decide the
question whether these 800 were fit for the
nourishment of plain people. First they had
at the banquet only small part of the In
voice. and that specially chosen from the Ham
burg slaughter house. Next the mode of
preparation was such that social democrat
who troubles himself more about the effect
than about the pots and pans that prepare the
food, could scarcely be expected to be "up' to
it. We hear that there was served beef
cont de Boetticher," 'Cotelette pinlble a
marcken." etc. 1t all very good eating,
but the doubt whether all American cattle are
like these 300 which have been swallowed up
in this Thermopyla will certainly be raised by
our farmers, who are opposed to American
beef,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
AMERICAN BEEF ABROAD.

Two Views of Our Minister'S Success In
Getting 1t Into Germany.
Berlin Vossische Zeitung.l
Three hundred American oxen, we just learn,
were quietly landed at Hamburg few weeks
ago, after Mr.. Phelps, the American Minister,
had succeeded in securing the permission of
the Government to try the Importation into
Germany of American cattle, The business is
said to have been conducted very quietly, and
to have been known only by the Minister, the
German customs and the Hamburg authori-
ties. 1t looks as if the possibility of a miscar-
riage of the experiment had been feared and
dissemination felt in some quarter TO enlighten
the public on the matter. Meantime. success
as far as American beef is concerned has dis
PEELED all these apprehensions. In Berlin Mr..
Phelps has at his table repeatedly afforded to
a number of invited guests proof of the excel
lence of American beef; and in Hamburg costly
arrangements have been made, after the model
of the new Paris abattoirs, with the view of
furnishing the beef, after careful examination
of American cattle by veterinary surgeons, di-
rectly to the butchers for sale.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
HUMAN NATURE.
Various Phases of 1t Hlustrated-Confidenc
of Men in Their Jewelry-What the
Envy of Women VIII Do-Devotion to

Various Phases of 1t ulustrated-Confidence
of Men in Their Jewelry-What the
Envy of Women VIII Do-Devotion to a
Life Work-Foibles of Both Sexes.
A writer in the New fork Sun illustrates one
phase of human nature by telling the following:
'Now gentlemen" said the man with the
checked suit on, as he briskly entered the wait
ing room, where more than 20 Of us were sit
ting. II have no time for foolishness. Life Is
short, and the man who expects to get there
must hustle. don't have much to say, but
what do say is straight up and down and good
as the late Thomas Jefferson's affidavit. have
here liquid compound of my own discovery.
1t is called The Fraud Detector,' and can be
relied on every day in the week, Sundays in
cluded. One drop placed on bogus diamond.
a filled watch case or rolled plate pin imme-
diately exposes the cheat and protects you
from imposition. Who takes the first bottle at
% centsf'
No one spoke, while everyone seemed to hold
his breath, and after looking over the crowd
the fakir cOntinued:
you've been swndled and imposed upon.
and you hesitate to buy good thing. There
are at least 10 watches and half dozen So
called diamonds in this crowd. Who'll be the
first to pass to pass up watch. pin or ring and
let me test it?'
Not leaf stirred, and two-thirds of the
crowd actually turned pale.
I'm waiting" remarked tne man,as ne stoou
before us.
Everybody looked at the opposite wall. and
everybody wished he had that chap out in the
woods for about three minutes.
"Oh, we'll" he continued. eff you are all built
that way of course 1 can't expect to make any
sales here. thought there might be one or
two of you with straight jewelry. but as there
isn't. ana as don't want to squeeze you too
closely, Pll pass on"
1t was great relief to everybody when he
walked out, and the next five inmates were
spent in sly glances at each other. BY and by
got up and walked out, stared at by all the
others found the agent outside on box
laughing until he could hardly sit up.
what kind of a guy is that?' l asked.
"Best in the world. That's simply little
cold coffee in the bottle, but it never fails to
work. Tried it from Maine to California, and
1t always scares crowd to death. Lands! but
the whole convention of you turned winter
than snow-hai ha! hap',
And the MANTLE internal wretch of a man
the hyena in human form-went off into such
fit of laughter that he fell of the box and
rolled against a crate Of cucumbers on their
way to early market.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
THE POWER OF MEMORY.

Friends. do you know how bear tamer's pet
Is tsught to dance so he'll never forget?
Into big caIGron the bear is invited,
And under the caldron fire is lighted.
A-wheezy hand-orRan the sentiment voices;
''Rejoice in life;'' and the bear '.rejoices."
With anguish poor Bruin begins to prance:
He can't stand slill and therefore must dance.
Whenever he hears that tune at the gateway
A dancing devil possesses him straightway.
Once sat 1 myself in that caldron, mocking;
The music played and the heat was sh ocking.
Nv skin was blistered and more. I regret 1t;
But never ah. never shall torgetit.
wbene'er OF those days an echo has found me
/ Instantly felt the hot caldron around me.
Then remembered anguish can not but nurse
Straightway sets me dancing on feet Of verse.
-JHsarik ltssz.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21

The regular baseball season opens to-
morrow and judging from indications, the en-
thusiasm of the devotees will bubble up like
champagne in a newly uncorked bottle. Big
promises are made, great victories predicted
and a successful campaign seems certain. The
only drawback is that things were ever thus
At the first of every season things were seen
as through rose-tinted glasses. but too often
ere the autumn had gone, they were seen as
through glasses of decidedly yellowish hue.
The blame for this state of affairs need not be
placed, nor need there be any serious. misgiv-
ings as to the coming conflicts. In another
part Of the paper will be found material from
which everyone interested can construct hopes
to suit himself. The average Pittsburger will
find himself able to swear by his home team,
just as he has been for years past at the open
ing of the season. 1t remains for the players
to determine whether or not he shall swear at
them when the season is over. Play ball!
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
PROGRESS IN SCIENCE.

ARGUING from the measureme of the
fifty-second parallel of north latitude, between
Valensia, Ireland, and Orsk, Russia, the con-
clusion is reached that the earth's surface on
this parallel is not that of an ellipsoid of revo-
luton. This confirms The conclusions reached
in this country when the forty second parallel
was measured, and shows that the earth Is not
a perfect spheroid.
AN apparatus called a lactorite has re-
Gently been used by French chemists to sep
arate greasy matter from milk. 1t consists
of a steel barrel rapidly revolved, and if a
certain temperature IS necessary for the reac-
ton, the barrel is placed in hot water until the
required degree of heat is attained.
A NEW system of house wiring for electric
lighting consists Of fitting the building with
continuous tubes of insulating terial. through
which the wires are drawn. The tubes
made OF paper soaked in q hot bath of bitumin-
Gus material, and are said TO be hard, strong
and tough.
In France new magic mirror" has
lately been introduced. 1t consists essentially
of a glass plate coated with a film of platinum
so thin as to be transparent to light coming
through from behind, while being a true mir.
ror or reflector to light impingIng on it from
the front.
In Prussia it has been recommended to
abolish the use of gunpowder and other slow
explosives in fiery mines, but that, dynamite be
used. provided the proportion of fre-damp
present does not surpass the safety limit, as
shown by the safety lamp.
THE former idea that connection exists
between an earthquake shock and the height
of the barometer has been proved by Prof.
Miene TO be incorrect. He bases his statement
on tue observation Of 53l earthquakes recorded
in Japan.
IT is we'll known that vegetable and ami
NAL oils are unsuitable for cylinder fabrication,
and recently in France where COLA oil was used
it was found necessary to burn out the deposits
in the ports of the locomotive cylinders.
The system of riveting by hydraulic
power is being successfully applied to the shell
plating of vessels in course Of construction on
the Tyne.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
P1TTsBURG. TUESDAY. APR 2l, 1891
THE LIBRARY DECISION.

The question of location for the Carnegie
Library main buildings was determined at
the meeting of the Board of Trustees yester-
day. The decision has been foreshadowed
for some time by the course of events. That
is that the reference library, auditorium, art
gallery and museum be located at the
Schenley Park entrance.
This action has, apparently, been rem
dered more necessary by the fact that no
other eligible site for the main buildings
was presented. The report of the Building
Committee, given elsewhere in this issue,
presents the fullest discussion of the subject
that has vet been had. 1t makes clear the
fact that full investigation has shown the
cost of any downtown site that affords
eligible qualities to be so great
that it would entail serious inroads
upon the building fund; that to encroach
upon the fund devoted to local libraries
would be to lessen the library accommoda-
tions at the point where they will be of the
greatest service to the people; that the great
est popular facilities SO secure library ad-
vantages demand that an ample fund should
be devoted to the erection of commodious
and creditable library buildings in each
district of the city, and that the largest
results for the central features can be Sc
cured by bringing them together in group
OF buildings. All these considerations lead
up to the recommendation for the reservation
OF $500. coo to the local Libraries and the
erection of the reference library, audi
torium, art gallery and museum at the park
entrance at a cost not to exceed S700,000
This decision of the Board of Trustees
will doubtless cause disappointment to the
large number who had set their convictions
on the downtown site. But two or three
considerations will do much to mitigate that
disappointment and perhaps even compen-
safe for it in the further development of the
scheme. Beyond the fact that the cost of
any downtown site of attractive character
istics would have neeessitated the abandon
nent of some of the features, there is the
consideration that this arrangement erects
the system of district libraries TO the high
est possible Importance. 1t distributes the
entire circulating department among. fine
buildings in the various districts. and while
there is no distribution of the fund to each
OF the other five general departments, it
sets aside for this popular section sum
much in excess of what any other depart
ment can get and nearly double the average
for each. This insures that the feature of
the project closest to the masses snail be
literally provided for.
With this preliminary decision arrived
at, it is 70 be hoped that progress can be
made to the realization Of Mr.. Carnegie's
gift. This has been long in coming, but
when it comes it bids tair to be on scale
that will amply compensate for the delays.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
Living In the Past.

met Schliemann, the archsologist, one day
on board a steamer in the Gulf of Corinth,
says Z. K. Tuckerman in the NeU England
Magazine He was pacing the deck, apart
from the other passengers. absorbed in perus-
ing book. asked him what he was reading.
AN account of the naval engagement" he re-
piled, and went on with his reading He
seemed to think that the naval engagement"
was all that it was necessary to explain and was
left to my conjectures to determine whether he
was interesting himself with an account Of the
battle of Trafalgar or some other modern
achievement. Soon after he came up to me, as
l was seated some distance from him on the
main deck, in excited manner, and ex-
claimed:
what a wonderful man he was! Was he
notT'
"Who wasp asked.
"Why. Themistocles. What foresight What
astonishing power Of conception and adaptation
to circumstanceSP
ne was reading from the original Greek the
account OF the battle OF Salams. and WAS as
much excited by 1t as if for the first time in his
life he had become acquainted with an histor-
ical fact with which he was really as familiar
as child with his b c..
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
POINTS PERSONAL.

PARNELL, the Irish leader, has brother.
John H., living in West Point, Ga.
LOUISE MICHEL has started school in
London. where she gives free instruction to 40
poor children.
Miss EMMA EAvEs, the young Ameri-
can singer is, it is whispered, engaged to Julian
Story, the artist.
BARON RoTHsCHILD, who recently lost
$40 voc. 600 In speculation, told friend that his
opinion OF himself could not be put into words.
The Earl of Lonsdale has sold at auction
the horses used by him in his recent driving
match with the Earl of Shrewsbury. The AMI
mails fetched 1859 guineas.
Mr.. NEBEKER, the new Treasurer of the
United States, is a short, stout man. with a
round and rather forid face marked by a black
mustache. He is about 40 years old.
JOHN PHILIP SoUsA, the soldier who
directs the United States Marine Band, is a
composer. In addition to a NUMBER of SYM
phonic compositions he has written Two operas
W. BoURKE COCHRAN, the great ora.
tor of Tammany Hall, now abroad, is large
and stout man, with a massive head and COM
manding manner. He was once q clerk in A.
7. Stewards store.
GRANT ALLEN, the English novelist and
essayist, is a thin and intellectual-looking man
of As. His eyes are light blue and his hair gray.
He was born in Canada. but has passed the
greater part of his life in England.
KING CARLOS, of Portugal, is q years
old. He is a blond, unlike the majority of his
countrymen, and is man of education and
of graceful bearing. He talks well, speaks
French, and is a clever artist in water colors.
MRS. MARTHA STRICKLAND, teacher of
parliamentary law, lays down the rule that in
all cases when the speaker is uncertain whether
the lady in the chair is married or single, she
should be addressed as Mrs. President She
also advances the broader plea that no adult
woman should be addressed as "Miss."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
! COMMUNAL FAILURE.

The most recent discovery is that the
managers of a Bellamy colony out in Cali
fornia have been making a nice thing by
getting people to live in the community on
cheap fare, work long time for little or
no wages and as fast as one set of workers
get tired they are able to find a new lot to
take their place. This is widely commented
upon by what the socialist vocabulary terms
the capitalistic press in fiippant manner.
Of course, the fact that the theory of COM
munal life has been abused by clever
scamps to dupe confding people who wish
to try q new regime does not prove that CO.
operation is useless, or that the combination
OF individual means and enterprise may not
build up a community in a new country
more successfully than the individual ef-
forts of scattered colonists But it does
show the weakness of all arguments in favor
of the community as a system that gives an
especially good field for the efforts of i'm
posters.
Even on this point it is hardly discreet
for the advocates of the status quo to be too
jubilant in taking the Kaweah humbug as
a practical refutation of Bellamyism. There
are too many magnificent cases Of success
fully duping great crowd of investors in
Wall street to permit the indisputed claim
that this sort of thing is known only in
efforts toward communism. But it is true
that if communism. or even State socialism,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
Oyerreached Herself.

According to the Grand AlmGnack Frdncdfs
dutiful husband wished to give his wife a
handsome lace scarf for a present, and, to
make sure of getting one to her liking. he
asked her to buy one herself on the pretense
that 1t was for a lady friend of theirs. The
finest Honiton, Valenciennes and Brussels lace
goods were spread OUT on the counter, but
madame thought to herself:
"What is the use of spending so much money
on present for Amelia?"
Some embroidered lace was shown next.
Even these were too dear. At length she Sc
lected very plain and ordinary scarf
quite good enough, too she thought, and
took it home to her husband.
Have you chosen something prettyT' he
asked.
"Oh, yes. very pretty"
lis it just what you would have chosen for
yourself?'
"1he very thing"
Then, my dear you may keep it. I in.
tended it for your exclaimed her husband, de-
lighted with his little scheme. Curtain.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-04-21
SMILINGLY SATIRICAL-
NEW VERSION.


Yankee Doodle went to Rome,
Riding on pony:
He stuck feather in his cap
And ate up Maccaront.
-SsD York Sun.
Griggs-What's up, Digs? thought
you were Miss sharp's suitor9
Diggs-No, she's mine. She wants %, 900 for q
breach of promise.-ChteG0o Times.
Boston style.-Arabella-D your
visit TO Boston did you encounter Cupid's darrsl
Bertba-Boston Cupids do not use darts.
ArabeIla-whaL then, do they user
a-Bean-sho hooters.-Puek.
Waiter-I expect you to pay in advance.
Guest-what do you mean. siri
Waiter-No o Ohense. sir, whatever; but the last
gentleman who ate shad here got bone in his
throat and died without paying, and the boss
took 1t out of my ges. -Terds SttTiags.
''Can you support my daughter in the
style 10 which she is accustomec?'' asked her
father.
a can, but WON'T" returned the careful
young man. 'I'm not extravagant. "-HGrpsr's
Bazar.
YOUR FATHER.
While mothers are In every cline
Extolled in verse from time to time.
Who plods with nary rhyme?
Your father.
Who is it puts the kew at night
Beneath the mat just out of sight
And in the hallway leaves light?
Your father.
And when you seek the burlesque show
And want a seatin the front row,
Who got the last an hour agoG
Your father.
Detroit Esps