Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-10-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ups and downs of poverty-The rag
ged edges of your collar and your trous-
ers.
There are tricks in all trades, partic-
ularly horse trades.-Binghamton Repub-
lican.
Kammerer-''How do you feel when
a man strikes youl" Hammerer-"I
feel for him. ."-Puck.
When q man begins to blow you may
know he is trying to take things by
storm GalUeston Neoos.
"Oh, mamma" exclaimed little John
ME, ''the trees in our yard are getting
bald headed !"-Binghamton Republican.
The oratory of some men may not
move mountains, yet it often succeeds In
making big bluff Westte1 Standard.
1.-THE shoemaker who breathed his
last" should not be pointed to as a man
of phenomenal lung power Washing
ton Star.
Mrs. Steptin calling upon Mrs. Solder,
the plumbers wife)-"And how is Mr..
Solder?" Mrs. SoIder-''Oh, he's mend
ing slowly"
She-'I suppose in Bohemia every
one is Tom, Dick and Harry2" He
"Well, yes; but Bills are rather more
numerous. "-Brooklyn life.
We may boast about our refined civili-
zation, but when man doesn't turn to
look at dog fight, it is safe to bet that
he is either blind or deaf.-Puch.
However much we feel of woe
From saying things we dread,
We find it harder still to know
The things to cave unsaid.
Judge.
"What was the collect this morning?"
asked papa, desiring to see if his son re-
membered anything of the church SER
vice. "Foreign Missions" returned
Tommy. York Herald.
"Good nature or amusement, among
the people of the earth," writes an in
habitant of Mars, sis expressed by
movement of the mouth which exposes
portion of the skull. ."-Puck.
Traveler--'.What is that tall chin
ney for9 Someone putting up fac
tory?" Citizen-"Naw. That's Jim
Bisbee's well. Cyclone turned it inside
out. "-Indianar els Journal.
A strcet-car driver in Toledo recently
ran over young lady and she was
thrown to the ground He was prompt
ly fired by the company for knocking
down the fare. e.-DeTSdnce Crescent.
"Where are you going my pretty maidp
tn v-sphODl
"Can go with you, my pretty maldY'
"We've mad our picnic, kind sir, she said.
.--Ne,O York Herald.
ssRemf Der, my son, that the owls
reputat; N for wisdom is not due to his
stayirs out all night. it is rather due to
the fact that he has too much sense to
stay up all night and day too. Indian
apotis Journal.
Watts-'I don't approve of this idea
of burying every eminent citizen with
brass band" Potts-''It would not be
so bad, though, if they'd bury brass
band with every eminent citizen. y
Indianapolis Journal.
Maud-"Whata are you readingg" Pim-
mie-"'A Man Without Country It's
such a painful story" Maud Cooking
drearily up and down the beachj-"It
isn't half as painful as a country without
man. y Chicago Tribune.
"Why is this boat backing upa" asked
the passenger on the steamer. sob"
said the mate, 'the captains wife and
baby are on board, and the baby
wouldn't go to sleep until he'd seen the
engines reversed. ."-Neo York Sun.
Madam is at the draper's, IN the act OF
selecting material for new dress. ''No,
that is not the kind of thing want; it
is too bright-too loud. My husband is
very ill and should like something a
little quieter-say half mourning. -
LIE Petit lNustre.
Swayback Hello, Jaysmithl What
did that straw hat cost youa" Jaysmith
-s'I gave the clerk five-dollar note for
that hat" Swayback (incredulous)-
"What2" Jaysmith-"Andh he gave me
back four dollars in change. Pitts1urg
Chronicle Telegraph.
Husband (newly married)-'Don't
you think, love, if l were to smoke it
would spoil the curtainse" Wife-''Ah,
you are really the most uuselfish and
thoughtful husband to be found any
where. Certainly it would" Husband
-"Well, then, take the curtains down..
- Wasp.