Connecticut western news., 1891-05-27

meanter-say, shall hay to resign if I'm drafted everywheres I've bin inrold. I must now, furrinstuns, be inrold in up ards of 200 different towns. If I'd kept on travelin' should hay eventooaly be- cum Brigade, in which case could have held meetin' and elected myself Brigadeer-ginral quite unanimiss. hadn't no idea there was so many of me before. But, serisly, concluded to stop exhibitin', and made tracks for Baldins- vile.
 My only daughter threw herself onto my boosum, and said, ''It is me faytheri l thank the Gods!'
 She reads the Ledger.
 ''Tip us yer bunch of fves, old fakerv said ARTEMUs, JR. He reads the Clipper.
 My wife was to the sowin' circle. l knew she and the wimin folks was havin' 8 pleasant time slanderin' the females of the other sowin' circle (which likewise met that afternoon, and was doubtless enjoyin' theirselves ekally well in slan- derin' the fust named circle), and didn't send for her. allus like to see people enjoy theirselves.
 My son ORGUsTUs was playin' onto a foot.
 ORaUsTUs is ethereal cuss. The twins was bildin' cob-houses in corner of the kitchen.
 It'll cost some postage stamps to raise this family, and yet 1t 'ud go hard with the old man to lose any lamb of the flock.
 An old bachelor is poor critter. He may have hea..a tA slzylark or (what's nearly the same thing) Miss KELLOGG and CARLoTTY PATTI sing; he may have hearn OLE BULL fiddle, and all the DoD- woRTHs toot, an yet he don't know nothin' about music-the real, ginuine thing-the music of the laughter of happy, well fed children! And you may ax the father of such children home to dinner, feelin' werry sure there1l be no spoons missin' when he goes away. Sich fathers never drop tin fve-cent pieces into the contribution box, nor palm shoe pegs off onto blind hosses for oats, nor skedaddle to British sile when their country is in danger-nor do any thing which is really mean. Idon't mean to intimate that the old bachelor is up to little games of this sort-not at all but I repeat, he's poor critter. He don't live here-only stays. He ought to 'pologize, on behalf of his parients, for bein' here at all. The happy mario man dies in good stile at home, sur rounded by his weeping wife and chil- dren. The old bachelor don't die at all he sort of rots away, like a pollywog's tail.
 My townsmen were sort O demora1 iZed. There was evident desine to evade the Draft, as obsarved with sor- Ter, and patritism was below Par-and Mar, too. [ A jew desprit. hadn't no sooner sot down on the piazzy of the tavrun than 1 saw sixteen solitary hoss- men, ridin' four abreast, vending their way up the street.
 "What's them? Is it cavilry?'
 That" said the landlord, ''is the stage. Sixteen able-bodied citizens has lately bot the stage line tween here and Scotsburg. That's them. They're Stage drivers. Stage-driva1' is exemptr
 saw that each river carried letter in his left ha. <. ,-. -...
 "The mail is heavy today" said the landlord. "Gin'rally they don't have more'n half a dozen letters tween 'em. Today they've got one apiece! Bile my lights and liver!
 "And the passengers?'
 "There ain't any, skacely now-days," said the landlord, ''and what few there is very much prefer to walk, the roads is so rough"
 "And how ist with you?" inquired of the editor of the B,tgle-Horn of Liberty, who sot near me.
 ''I can't go," he sed, shakin' his head in wise way. Ordinarily should de- light to wade in gore, but my bleedin' country bids me stay at home. It is i'm peratively necessary that remain here for the purpose of announcin' from week to week that our Gov'mae,1t ls about to take vigorous measures to put doson the rebellion"
 I strolled into the village oyster sa- loon, where I found Dr. Schwazey, 8 leadin' citizen. in state of mind which showed that he'd bin histin' in more'n his share of pizen.
 ''Hello, old Beeswax," he bellered; ''how's yers grandmams? When you goin' to feed your stuffed animils?'' "What's the matter with the eminent physician?' pleasantly inquired "This," he said, ''this is what's the matter I'm habitooal drunkard! I'm exemptv'
 "Jes' so.'
 "Do you see them beans, old man?'' and he pinted to plate before him. ''Do you see 'em?'
 'I do. They are cheerful fruit when used tempritly."
 "Well," said he, ''I hain't eat any thing since last week. eat beans now because I eat beans then. never mix my vittles!'
 ''Its quite proper you should eat lit tie suthin' once in while," said ssIt's good idee to occasionally instruct the stummick that it mustn't depend excloo- sively on ticker for it's sustainance" "A blessin'," he cried; "a blessin' onto the he'd of the man what invented beans. A blessin' onto his hedr' (Which his name is GIBSON! He's a first family of Bostin," said I. This is specimen of how things was goin' in my place of residence. A few were true blue. The school master was among lem. He greeted me warmly. He said was welkim to those shores. He said had massiv mind. It was gratifyin' he said, to see that great intelleck stalHn' in their midst onct more. have before had occasion to notice this schoolmaster. He is evil dently young man of far more than ordinary talents. .