Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

you, acquit my client Tor my sake, Tor
this is my first case !"-Fliegende
Blatter.
II like you well enough, Chappie,"
said Ethel, "but you don't know much"
81 know you" returned Chappie, land
that's everything."-New York Eve
ming Sun.
"Mr. P. Cunious is a bright, breezy
fellow, is he not ?" said Hobb, and
Dobb replied: 81 should think he
might be, he is always trying to raise
the wind."-Ex.
"Is the baby strong?" "Well,
rather. You know what a tremend-
Gus voice he has ?"
eyes" Well he lifts that FIVE
times an hour.-Ex.
Quidnunc-"What makes your hair
so much grayer than your whiskers ?"
Bullfnch-"Why, my hair is
great deal older than my whiskers."
Boston Courier.
Making himself known. Clerk
"Are you a customer of ours, siri"
Customer I should say so.
Why, owe you over s20O."-Cloth-
ier and Furnisher.
"The oyster is a placid sort of
creature" observed Mrs. Dinwiddie,
as she swallowed one. "Don't know
about that" replied Dinwiddie, "I've
often seen it in a stew."-Ex.
She-"Now, how old would you
take me to bei No fattery, now."
He-"About 40. That is, by strik-
ing an average. You talk as wisely
as woman of 60, and look like girl
of 20."-Ex.
Two department clerks were look
ing in a fur store window filled with
marked-down goods. "That $8 cape
there is just like | am" said one.
"How's that?" inquired his compan-
ion. Reduced to S."
When a girl is 16 her ideal man is
named Reginald. When she is "a it
doesn't matter to her very much what
his name is so long as it will work
we'll on the business end of check.
-Somerville Journal.
"How is your new home coming
on ?"
"First rate. We've got the roof
and the mortgage on. / think we
shall have the furnace and the Sheriff
in before the year is out."-Munseys
Weekly.
"Land sakes" gasped Aunt Sa.
manthy, as she gazed upon the various
Venuses in the art museum. 81 have
heard good deal about 'revisin' the
statutes and l reckon here's some that
needs it mighty bad v'-Binghamton
Republican.
A Scotch gentleman of fortune on
his deathbed, asked the minister wheth-
er, if he left large sum to the kirk,
his salvation would be secured. The
cautious minister responded: "I'd
not like to be positive. but it's weel
worth trying."-Ex.
Practical sentiment. Miss G. "a
Bucksport seminary girD-"Oh, that
/ had the wings of a dove P'
Mr.. M.---"What! That you might
fly to me2"
"N-o-o-o! That might fix over
my last summers bonnet" Lewis
town Journal.
City missionary Ito prisoner)-My
good man, am collecting statistics in
regard to the numerous causes which
lead to crime. May ask why you are
here -
Prisoner---"Ter be straight wild yer,
podner, l guess it's cause I cant git
out. See ?"---Jester.
Tramp (after receiving buscuit)
-"Where is your wood-pile, lady?"
Lady-"Out in the shed, sir. How
kind of you to offer to split some
wood"
Tramp-"I'm not going to split any
wood. ! want to find an ax to split
this biscuit. Boston Herald.
Here is genuine German "goke,"
translated literally from Fliegende
Blatter
Photographer--"Your son, the
student, this picture ordered
Father--"Him that is like. Has
he for it paid r.
Photographer-"Yet not"
Father-"Still more like him is
that."-Binghamton Republican.