The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1891-09-30
AN INVENTIVE GENIUS.
PROJECTIONS FOR WHICH CAPITAL
ALWAYS is LACKING.

ing the Ihhhtom Oh Weaith-he Sah
Never Convince His Fellows That He
Has a Good Thing.
There was hesitating nibble at the
door knob, then the door was slowly
opened and in he came, looking first at
one and then tho others Of us, as If in
search of friendly or encouraging
glance.
His clothes were old, but well brushed.
and his shoes had seen their best days
He was tall. thin and a hungry looking
individual, who would scarcely have
cast a shadow when sidewise to the
light. He had no doubt seen better
days, but now he was Of the class Of
shabby genteel" who some way or other
manage to exist on the barest pittance.
Removing an old SLOUGH hat from his
head with spasmodic jerk, he turned
to the man who was nearest the door
and asked, lis this the place where they
patent gallusses and braces?"
When informed that it was he seemed
pleased to think he had found the right
place and asked to see the chief. Hat in
hand, he sauntered up to the chiefs desk,
and after few remarks about the
weather he reached down in his trousers
pocket and brought up a contrivance
which at first glance looked like an ordi-
nary shoe horn. With click and a
snap, however, he turned up from the
small end corkscrew.
We had all seen him before, and
knowing there was fun ahead, by this
time there was general suspension of
work and all were intently watching
the proceedings With the fire of genius
in his eyes and a tremor in his voice he
exclaimed as he held the continuance up
to view: There's fortune in that for
somebody, but they don't seem to see it.
That little thing fills long felt void. A
man always needs a corkscrew in the
evening, and after he has drawn the
corks and imbibed the contents of sew
eral bottles, how would he get his hat
on in the morning if it were not for this
little hat persuader?
USEFUL LITTLE THINGS.
Both of these little necessaries are
here in a neat and compact little device,
which, if it were only manufactured and
put on the market, would sell like hot
cakes.
No one seemed to want to take hold of
it, however, and good thing is going
begging from the lack of few dollars
to give it a start. People don't know
what they are missing.
''See that?" and he held out jack
knife with a patent needle threading at
tachment. Another good thing! Some
thing which bachelors have been want
ing Cor a long time. How many of you
can thread needle?
You all carry a jackknife; every man
does.
with one provided with this little
attachment Of mine any man could
thread needle as good as woman.
IL tried to interest capitalists in this
little scheme. but it shared the same
fate as the other. One man said he
would take hold of it if it had bootjack
and mouth organ attachments, but as it
was he did not want it. Some people
are hard to please. but" drawing bun
die from his coat tail pocket and waving
it in the air, i've got it this time. and
no mistake.
For long time have chased the
frisky dollar, but it has given me the
slip. Thank heaven have at last found
the way to fame and fortune.
Gentlemen" he said, as he slowly I'M
wrapped the package and held up to our
astonished gaze combination Of straps,
cords, pulleys, buckles and large red
shields, "behold the greatest invention
of the age! This is a combined suspender
and adjustable liver pad To show you
what it is and how it works | will Just
slip it on over my coat. There. now,
isn't that grand thingl
THE LIVER PAD.
You no doubt perceive the great ad-
vantage of having the liver pad con-
nected with your suspenders The pad
is adjustable to fit all livers.
ANY one can wear it. no matter where
their liver is or where they think it is.
How many people know where their
liver is? Not many, warrant you.
How would man who supposed his
liver was mp under his right arm man
age with the ordinary liver pad? He
couldn't manage at all; he would die of
liver complaint in months time. This
being adjustable can be shifted to all
parts of the body; thus people can have
their liver pad wherever they wish it.
Gentlemen, think of the people walk
ing around today suffering because they
cannot cover the place where they sup
pose their liver to be with the ordinary
liver pad. Why. it is a beautiful thing"
and with Sellerslike air he exclaimed:
There's millions in it'll Gentlemen, you
all being experts in this line must appre-
ciate its many advantages and POSSIBLE
ties.
do any of you want to get rich? To
any one who will kindly advance me
enough to pay for my patent will give
a half interest in this. the grandest thing
Of the kind ever dreamed of. It's
chance of a lifetime, and you shouldn't
miss it.
No one appeared anxious to invest in
liver pads, either through lack Of conf
cence or of sufficient wealth to do 80, or
both and SADLY taking IL off and Urap-