Lewiston teller. [volume] (Lewiston, North Idaho) 1878-1900, 1891-09-03
CHAPTER III.
A VILLAINS BLOW.

They tell me there are natures stern
enough to be able to crush love out of their
lives. All not such love as mine! Tine
1hey say. can heal every wound. Not such
. wound as mine! My whole existence UNI
6arwent a change when Philippe showed
me the weddng-ring on her finger. No WON
der 1t did. Hope was eliminated from it.
From that moment was changed man.
Life was no longer worth living. The spur
OF ambition was blunted the desire for fame
gone; the interest which had hitherto felt
in my profession vanished. All the spring,
the elasticity, seemed taken out of my be-
ing. For months and months did my work
in perfunctory manner. 1t gave me no
satisfaction that my practice grew larger. l
worked, but cared nothing for my work.
Success gave me no pleasure. An increase
to the number Of my patients was positive
ly unwelcome to me. So long as made
money enough to supply my daily needs
what did it matter? OF what use was wealth
to me? 1t could not buy me the one thing
for which craved. OF what use was life.
No wonder that such friends as had once
possessed all but forsook me. My mood at
that time was none of the sweetest.
was alone in the world; should be always
alone.
So things went on for more than year.
grew worse instead of better. My gloom
deepened; my cynicism grew more confirm
ed my life became more and more aimless.
These are not lovers rhapsodes. | would
spare you them If l could; but it is neces-
sary that You should know the exact state
of my mind in order to understand my sub
sequent conduct. Even now it seems to me
that am writing this description with my
hearts blood.
Not word came from Philippe. l made
no inquiries about her, took no steps to
trace her. l dared not. Not for one mo-
ment did forget her, and through all those
weary months tried to think of her as hap
py and TO be envei; yet, in spite of myself,
l shuddered as pictured her lot as it might
really be.
But all the while l knew that the day
would come when should learn whether |
was to be thankful that my prayer had been
answered, Or to be prepared to keep my
vow.
In my misanthropical state of mind
heard without the slightest feeling of JOY
or elation that distant relative of mine,
man from whom expected nothing, had
died and left me the bulk of his large prop
erty. cared nothing for this unexpected
wealth except for the fact that it enabled
me to free myself from a round of toll in
which by now took not the slightest inter-
est. Had it but come two or three years be-
fore! Alas! all things in this life come too
late.
Now that was no longer forced to mingle
with men in order to gain the means of liv-
ing, absolutely stunned my kind. The
wish OF my youth, to travel in far countries,
no longer existed with me. l disposed of
my practice--or rather simply handed it
over to the first conner. left the town of
my adoption and bought a small hOuse--it
was little more than a cottage-some five
miles away from the tiny town Of Roding.
Here was utterly unknown, and could live
exactly as l chose; and for months it was
my choice to live almost like hermit.
My needs were ministered to by man
who had been for some years in my employ
ment. Hewas a handy, faithful fellow;
honest as the day, stolid as the Sphinx; and,
Tor some reason or other, so much attached
to me that he was willing to perform OH my
behalf the duties Of housekeeping which
are usually relegated to female servants.
Looking back upon that time of seclusion,
as medical man, l wonder what would
eventually have been my fate II events had
bot occurred which once more forced rue
into the world Of men? firmly believe that
erooding in solitude over my grief would st