The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1891-04-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Always on time-His forelock.
Early to bed and early to rise makes
little boys very tired.--Lits.
"What has been the greatest mistake
Of your. life2" ",Iaking 30 many
Puck.
"Do you play by note1" .No," re.
piled the violin virtuoso; "f play for
cash. - Puck.
Money is the root Of all evil, but the
need OF money Is the evil itself. Binq.
hamton leader.
Never Judge maa's mind by the
length Of time 1T lakes ffm to makeft up.
-Boston Traveler.
The world never sits down twice on
man who has any point about him.
MilDaukes Sentinel.
II you wish to be entertaining just
forget yourself long enough to talk to
somebody about himself. dallas Meps.
Friehd-"Is the play go7' Budding
Dramatist (sadly)-"Yes, but had hoped
it would be stay" american Grocer.
Ah, you do not know the anguish Of
being cut by your best friend till you be-
gin to shave yourself. .-Etmird Gazette.
Humor, q kindly littlo b,s,
Makes laughter sweet as honey;
While Wit Is like wasp, for he
Stings when he'd fain b. funny.
The average man would sooner pay
dues ut gymnasium than saw his own
wood for exercise. orleans Plea.
yune.
"What was that noise heard in the
parlor last night, Maria2' "It was viii.
lam breaking his engagement" Boston
Gagcttc.
"Medicine," said little girl to her
playmate, "is something that makes you
be careful not to catch cold again. -
Washington Post.
Passenger-"Which Of the fool ques-
tioas you hear every day tires yol tho
most2" Conductor-"That one. III
di"napo,is douraal
Upson Downes-"Say, old man, lend
me five until payday" Rowne de
Observation-Disclosures payday, or the
day you'll pay mea"-Puek.
The oyster leads calm aud placid life.
While he lives he is never known to get
shot" It's only after he dies that he
gets in a "stew. ."-Epoh.
Professor-"Didn't see you coming
out ofa saloona' Ninety y-four-"WelI,
sI, you wouldn't have me stay in one,
WSaia ya do Xsys"vTeEe& "v7s R6serl. u,.>. s-yr-
Ia Smo.fSpI" IN - :aso,'' q iarch." sglisl9G
Ethel-"Why, in our church they never
go to sleep. Chicago Times.
"Alrs fair in love-" that is my creel;
| Who doubts it is churl.
| Ais fair In love; all, Yes, indsel!-
Especially the girl!
| Pack.
"Robbie," said the visitor, kindly
"have you any little brothers and sis
ters2" "No," replies wee Robbie, sol
cmnly; "Im all the children we've got.
- -BOstoaidn.
"And l suppose, like brave soldier
you followed your colors." eyes
whenever there was battle | noticed
that the colors were flying, so l flew
too. ."--Bu1ato Express.
"Why won't you take FlicSeles a;
partncra" "My dear fellow, Flickele
was engaged to my wife before marie,
her. auu Wouiu you naNc Inc take 10
partner a man who is ceverer than ~
| FiieQende Blaetter.
| rne Li..'- p~edes; NJ >sakn received
! from his teacher box on the ear, bu
undeservedly, for it was his neighbo
who had been out of order. "Now
teacher" he said, "you see that it VIII
not my fault. Don't forget to credi
! me with that box on the ear, will you2
} -Fliegemde Blaetter.
Detected Tramp-"Yes'm, I've had
sal history. I've travelled this countr
for years and years, homeless and hop.
less, in search of something I fear
would break my heart to find" Kind
hearted Lady-"And what is that, m
poor mau?" Detected Tramp-"Work
ma am. - Chicago Tribune.