The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1891-08-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

| Itself that some OF IL RetS So very ui9.
| Washington Post.
The ten-dollar bill continues to be
the favorite summer resort note
Baltimore american.
When a sick man refuses to send for
doctor that is sign that lie still
clings to life.-Te1as SJtings.
Though speak but one language
/ am familiar with many tongues, said
a physician.-But;tio Enquirer.
When some men discharge an obi
CATION you can hear the report for
miles around oHkers gazette.
This summer is cautioned to look out
for soft place 10 light. There's fall
just ahead of it Washington Star.
The man who selected his wife. as he
would his clothes, for wearing qualities
found that she wore him out.-Ltt..
The sharper understands other peo.
| pie pretty well. but lie often has TO
rive himself up BinghamtoH Repub.
tic.tn.
Ii may be wise preacher who
| knows his own theology, but he is still
wiser who says nothing about iL-N
1. Recorder.
Twice during the year a man feel.
the need of rest Just before his vaca.
ton and again Immediately after
Eimira Gazette.
Are you going away this summerr
mo. | shall stay mt home" ''WhyY
Because my wife is going away
LOt0sH Citi5'n.
Ifeverbody took up as much room
as he thinks he does somebody would
he crowded off the earths surface
Washington Star.
A good national flower for some OF
the foreign gentlemen who reach this
country would be the marrv-gOld.-
Washington Post.
Whom the gods love die Young. The
rest become boy preachers or organize
into young mems political clubs
Detroit Free Press.
Maud-'Is it true that you are 10
love with Mr.. BullionP" Clara
Mercy, no. I'm only engaged to
him.. y Weekly.
St. Peter-'You we're a professional
humorist, were you? Any mitigating
circumstances" Applicant-''Well. !
didn't lecture. "-MHnseu's WeekIu.
First Office Boy-''IIe's no news
paper man." Second Office Boy
"Nc?" Nav; he's journalist. He
writes wild Il gold PENN T. Re-
cOrtier.
Musical Criticism: Mistress (benevo-
lenD-"What would you do if you
could play the piano as | CAM" Maid
Il should take lessOns."-NebeE.
spatter.
Spacer-"What can 1 say in this
obituary for Ginsling. the bartender7n
Editor Work in something about his
having a smile for every one."-M
y Herald.
Miss Blewbudd (proudly) - my
grandfather was Virginia Taylour."
Newby-..Indeed! Well, to be equally
candid. mine was Jersey City butch
er."-PHGk.
Baseball Fiend-"I heard you had O
match with your wife last night. Bats
by. What's the scorer Batsby
(mournfulIy)- shut me OUT
baltimore american.
Simpson How do you know your
rival and her father will soon fall out
and fightP" Jimpson (gleefully)-
They've both joined the same church
choir. IN Y Herald.
Brown" Here is some tobacco,
my poor man. You must feel the loss
of a smoke after dinner" Tramp
No. sir. 1 feel the loss of my dinner
before the smoke. life.
There is a girl in the London work.
louse who speaks a language which
lobody can understand. What a per-
ect railway brakeman she would
Transcript.
In the school of military instruction:
)ficer-"What is the powder that this
ummer has been introduced in nearly
Iii the armies?' Recruit-"Insect
'owder. "-Fiegende BLatter.
Quester-'I wonder why it is that a
nan is heavier when he is in liquor
han when he is sober?" jester
That is easily explained. It's be-
ause he's half shot. "'-Boston Courier.
A Detroit burglar stole all the gas
Ixtures and several feet of lead pipe
rom church in that city last week.
courtesy, however de-
AIRED him from molesting the meter.
journal.
What kind of people are your new
They moved in the
vening and l didn't see their furni-
ure. and they haven't hung out their
rst washing yet. so | really cannot
ell you.-M Y Press.
Tailor (politely):-"Yes. sir; and
That kind of diagonal would you pre-
er me to use in making this Prince
Albert?" Mr.. Britton-Britton:-' Oh
-ah, wide wales, please; / understand
he prince is wather stout" -Puck.
Why is this boat backing up?"
sked the passenger on the steamer,
o." said the mate. the Captains
rife and baby are on board and the
ably wouldn't 90 to sleep until he'd
cen the engine reversed. IN T. Sun.
Bagley Cat the seashore) -"Is your
rife going to the ball Tonight"
she's dressed for some
hing, but I'm blessed if / know
'hether she's going to the ball or down
o the beach for a moonlight Dip
udqe.
Mrs. Peers-"That young DIR. Case
cross the way spent enough time in
-ont of his mirror yesterday to grow
ck of his own looks Yet to-day he
at it again" Mrs. Joers-"To.day,
e probably wishes to see physician.
Puck.
Rnnk AOant-..Tf vouiII buv fhis