The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-06-12

good people.
Troo, they air deprived of many bless
ms. They don't enjoy, for instans, the
priceless boon of war. They haven't
any American Egil to onchain, and they
hain't got a Fourth of July to theil
backs.
Altho' this is monikal form of Gov.
ment, am enable to perceive much
moniky. I tried to git piece in Toron.
to, but failed to succeed.
Mrs. VICTORIA, who is Queen of Eng.
land and has all the luxuries of the
markets, incloodin game in its season,
don't bother herself much about Canady
but lets her do bout as she's mighter.
She. however, gin'rally keeps her sup.
piled with lord, who's called Gov'ner
Gin'ra Sometimes the politicians of
Canady make it lively for this lord-for
Canady has politicians, and l expect
they don't differ from our politicians,
some of 'eIn bein' gifted and talented
liars, no doubt.
The present Gov'ner Gin'ral of Cana
dy is Lord Monk. l saw him review
some volunteers at Montreal. He was
accompanied by some other lords and
dukes and generals and those sort OF
things. He rode little bay horse, and
his close wasn't any better than mine.
You'll always notiss, by the way, that
the higher up in the world man is, the
less good harness he puts on. Hence
Gin'ral HALLECK walks the streets in
plain citizens dress, while the second
lieutenant of volunteer regiment piles
III the brass things he can find onto his
'ack, and drags a forty-pound sword
..fter him.
MONK has been in the lord bisniss
some time, and l understand it pays,
tho don't know what lords wages is.
The wages of sin is death and postage
stamps. But this has nothing to do
with Monk.
One of Lord MONKS daughters rode
with him on the field. She has golden
hair, kind, good face, and wore a red
hat I should be very happy to have
her pay me and my family a visit at
Baldinsville. Come and bring your
knittin, Miss MONK. Mrs. WARD will
do the fair thing by you. She makes
the best slap-jacks in America. AS a
slap jackist, she has no ekal. She wears
the Belt.
What the review was all about,
don't know. 1 haven't gigantic intel
leck, which can grasp great questions at
onct. l am not a WEBSTER or SEY-
MoUR- l am not a WASHINGTON or a
OLD ABE. Fur from it. / am not as
gifted man as HENRY WARD BEECHER.
Even the congregation of Plymouth
Meetin'-House in Brooklyn will admit
that. Yes, 1 should think so. But while
l don't have the slitest idee as to what
the review was fur, will state that the
soJers looked pooty scrumptious in their
red and green close.
Come with me, jentle reader, to Que
beck.
Quebeck has seen lively times in war
like way. The French and Britishers
had set-to there in 1859. jim WOLFE
commanded the latters, and 10. MONT
CALM the formers. Both were hunky
boys, and fit nobly. But WOLFE was
too many measles for MoNTCALM, and
the French was slew'd. WOLFE and
MoNTCAI.M was both killed. In arter
years common monyment was erected
by the genrous people of Quebeck, aided
by bully Earl named GEORGE Dali
HoUsIE, to these noble fellows. That
was well done.
Durin the Revolutionary War b. AR
MOLD made his way, through dense woods
and thick SHOWS, from Maine TO Que
beck, which it was one of the hunkiest
things ever done in tho military line. 1t
would have been better if B. ARNoLD's
funeral had come off immeditly on his
arrival there.
On the Plains of Abraham there was
onct some tall fitin, and ever since then
there has been a great demand for the
bones of the slew'd on that there occa-
sion. hut the real ginooine bones was long
ago carried off, and now the boys make
hansum thing by carting the bones of
hosses and sheep out there, and sellin'
EN- to intelligent American towerists.
Takin Professional view of this dodge,
l must say that it betrays genius of a
lorfty character.
1t reminded me of inspired feet of
my own. used to exhibit a wax figger
Vt HENRY WILKINS, the Boy Murderer.
lENRY had, in moment of inadvert-
nee, killed his Uncle EPHRAM and
walked off with the old mans money.
Well, this stattoo was lost somehow. and
not sposin' it would make any paIticler
difference l substitooted the full grown
stattoo of one of my distinguished piruts