Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-08-20
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Blamed the Types-Plenty of Time
for Sleep-Pressed Into It-A
Misunderstanding, Etc, Etc.
BLAMED THE TYPES.

BLAMED THE TYPES.
Lecturer (hopping mad Sir, I want
you to apologize for your outrageous
criticism.
Editor-Outrageous? l thought your
lecture was highly praised,
Lectrer-Well, it was, except where
you say l talked in jackass strain for a
few moments.
Editor-Jackass? Jackass? Why, my
dear sir, l wrote "jocose. Truth.
PLENTY OF TINE FOR SLEEP.
"If your husband stays out so late
every night, l should think he would suf-
fer from loss of sleep"
"Oh, he has all day to sleep he is
serving on jury New York Press.
PRESSED INTO IT.
81 thought you said you never would
accept Charlie" said Maude.
$50 | did-but he put his arm around
me when he proposed, and-well, l
yielded to PRESSURE" returned Ethel.
A MISUNDERSTANDING.
Pawnsonby-Hello, Bronson, old fellow!
Where are you putting up now?
Bronson-Same old place-Moses A.
Isaac's-ITruth.
AT THE BoARDING-HoUsE TABLE.
"Well, I'm rather stuck on you," re-
marked the fly to the boarding house
butter, as she slumped in.
keep your grip on him, you're strong
enough" said the sugar to the butter, and
the latter replied:
"Well, you have got sand"
This made the cheese laugh so hard
that it fell to the floor, and the sugar got
his revenge by exclaiming:
"How are the mitey fallen!'- Mime
apolis Journal.
THE DIFFERENCE.
Bunand-Say, Gilbert, what's the diff
ference twixt the trials of life and cot
on the deck of an ocean steamer in q
gale?
Gilbert-Give it up.
Burnand-First are hard to bear and
the second is hard to lion.
PARADOX.
My lady has a dainty fan,
Before her face she holds it
And when she folds the lovely toy,
Much beauty is unfolded.
THE OTHER EXPECTED.
Jake (highly indignant)-I learn tina
two idiots are coming to see you now.
Cora (Complacently ly)-Possibly, bu
only one has got here yet.
COMPARISONS.
Mamma" said Phil, walking gravel,
out of the study evidently bearing
heavy mental load, "when you smile a
me like that your expression is as swee
as-as saccharine."
"Thank you, dear!" replied his mother
with double appreciation, "do you thinl
you could move this secretary for me t.
dust behind it?"
81 can't do it," replied he, after an un
successful attempt, cts as heavy as irri
dunn"
"Then hand me the duster."
ooh, yes. Its as light as lithium
Now may go and play ball with cousil
Will till dinner timer"
"Not to-day. may need you"
"Just few minutes?"
"No."
Mother" said Phil, "your heart is a
hard as rhodium." and he went back t,
the library to hunt some more respect
inducing words Pharmaceutical Era.
CASE FOR SYMPATHY.
"The hardened-looking wretch in thi
cell, | presume" said the fair caller will
q shudder, sis some low thief"
"No, miss" answered the turnkey, "he's
the desperate william that killed hi.
grandmother"
"Why, he is the one I'm looking for!
Poor dear mani" exclaimed the impulsive
young woman. "I've brought you some
nice roast turkey and basket of fruits. u
Il Chicago Tribune.
LOOKING AHEAD.
Young Man-How late do these street
cars run?
Conductor-They run all night.
81 am glad to hear that"
"Got a job as night watchman?"
"No but my girls folks are going to
move into this neighborhood = Good
News.
As they stood on the beach where the
wavelets play,
She laid her head on his satin vest,
And lifted her lips in a pouting way,
And-he did the rest.
-[Cape Cod Item.
THE ONLY RESOURCE.
Bond-I don't see how Charley Ander-
son can afford European uip.
Everett-It's the only course open to
him. His creditors can't afford it
New York Herald.
THE SYMPATHETIC CROOK.
Burglar-Your money or your life.
Victim from bed)-When explain,
sir, that my wife and three daughters
have gone to fashionable hotel to spend
a month
Burglar-Enough; I'm pretty hard up
myself but here's dollar for you.
Exits weeping. .)-[New York Herald.
A MISLEADING AID.
"Pn oon any ono keen liphthousesp"