Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-04-01
Courting His Wife.

back in his pocket, took his hat and
overcoat down from their hook and
started home.
"I'll do !" he repeated to himself
as he walked along. "I'll court my
wife as if she were girl again, the
way the fellow did in the newspaper
story. expect it'll 60 pretty tough"
he reflected, throwing away his cigar
and wiping his mouth carefully as he
approached his home. "1've been a
good deal of rhinoceros about the
house, and it's hard thing to break
off old habits all at once, but l am
going to give it a trial if it takes the
hide off"
Mr.. Diltz entered the house, hung
his cap and overcoat in the hall in
stead of throwing them down in a
heap on the sofa in his usual fashion.
Then he went on tip-toe upstairs, put
on his best necktie, combed his hair
carefully and came softly down the
stairs again.
"Mary Janel !" he called out.
"Where are you, dear?"
"Out here. answered a voice in the
kitchen. "Did you bring that pack
age of chocolate l told you not to for
get when you went down town this
morningi"
"Why no." said Mr.. Diltz, regret
fully, as he went into the kitchen. II
forgot it, DEAR"
Mrs. Dilts looked at him suspicious
ly. He hadn't called her "dear" for
about eleven years.
"You forgot it? Humphf just
expected it. What are you up to
now ?"
This query, somewhat sharply ut
tered, was prompted by an unexpect-
ed forward" movement on the part of
Mr.. Diltz.
Don't you see I'm cleaning this
chicken ?" she exclaimed. "Look
Out! You'll make me cut myself. I'm
working at the gizzard. A man has
no business poking around in the
kitchen when he can't do any good"
Mr.. Diltz stepped back. He had
intended to kiss his wife, but conclud-
ed to postpone the matter for little
while.
"Mary Jane" he said, "my dear"
what are you all slicked up for
anynowf Going anywhere ?"
mo, love. I expect to spend the
rest of the day at home. / came an
hour or two earlier, thinking"
II wish you had brought that
chocolate. That's what I wish"
Darling" said Mr.. Diltzs"I-that's
no way to 60 to work at a chicken
gizzard. Let me-"
"Maybe you know more alb out this
kind of work than I do. Maybe /
haven't cleaned hundreds of chickens
since I've been keeping house T?
What are you shopping around here
for anyhow, with your hair all plaster
ed down and that smirk on your face ?"
"My dearest Mary Jane, /"
"Polhemus," broke in his wife, lay.
ing down the portion of the fowls
anatomy she had been dissecting and
looking at him keenly, "what on
earth is the object Of this palavering ?
What new dodge are you trying to
work now?"
"Why, Mary Jane I've made up
my mind to try to get along with you
in a diff"
"To get along with me? What do
you mean? Do you tell me to my
face 1 am hard to get along with ?"
mot at all, Mary Jane; not at all.
l was only going to say that we might
live together more comfortably, you
know, if -er-if we'd quit this quar-
reling and be sociable, you know, as
we used to be. There is no need of
us acting like cats and dogs"
"Who says we act like cats and
dogs, I'd like to know? Look here,
Polhemus You've been drinking"
"It's blamed now, Mary Jane,
don't you give way to that temper of
yours !"
"Who started this fuss ?
"You did,"
81 didn't. You did yourself"
II didn't T.
"You did ~
lou know Detter.
"Tell your wife she lies, do you 7
Well, it isn't the first time. If you
have any business to attend to at
your Office there will be plenty of
time for you to 60 do it before supper.
I'll get along. / don't need any help
on this chicken"
"Diddledy dad-swing the dag-gone
old hen J" shouted Mr.. Diltz, beside
himself with rage. "Dad-swizzle its
everlasting gol-dinged old carcass |"
He went out Of the kitchen, slam.
ming the door behind him. and in less
than quarter of a minute later was