davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

"A steak is none the more costly for
being rare. Richmond Recorder
"A man who is a poor liar finds il
convenient to stick to the truth. Texas
Siftings.
If slander did not hurt its victims
there would be no particular pleasure
in it for the slanderer.-N. o. Plea
yune.
When the plumber sends in his bill
the dancing and paying the piper is
done by the same person. -Philadel-
phia Times.
We often hear of man being car
ried away by his ideas This must be
when he gets into train of thought
Philadelphia Press.
"A young lady attending party
should have female chaperon until
she is able to call some other chap her
own.-Texas Siftings
If you have anything to give, give it
TO the hail fellow, well met" If you
have anything to lend, lend it to some
body else.-Dallas News.
If we are ever in doubt what to do,
1t is good rule TO ask ourselves what
we shall wish on the morrow that we
had donc.-Sir John Lubbock.
i think it wisest in man to do his
work in the world as quietly and as
well as he can, without much needing
the praise or dispraise. .-Tennyson.
Wisdom of an Old Brewer.
do hat
but to brew bad beer and then to get it
drunk-that is art. "-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
IA dollar doesn't go very far" sigh
ed Hicks. "Wcll, a cent does,o said
Johnny. 'One / put in the plate this
morning is going out to the heathen."
-Harper's Bazaar.
Here's your BILL" said the milk
dealer to the dissatisfied customer,
"Well, turn about is only fair play;
suppose we chalk that up awhile. y
Washington Post
If there is anything that can beat
the clamor of a dog whose foot has been
stepped upon, it is the bawling of the
pessimist who can't allow anybody else
to be happy.-Puck.
-Harry.-'I guessed in a moment
last night that May was engaged" :"
Blanch-"Why, what made you think
soP" Harry-"She tried her prettiest to
get me to propose. IN. y. Herald.
i What creatures of routine we are,
10 be sure? When the artist has day
= TO himself he spends itgoing around TO
other studios; the actor seeks recreation
at the theater, and the railway magnate
can think OF 70 better means of passing
his vacation than by going 10 a water
ing Plaec,~ jit'ston iTsnsr' PIT
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12
A Very Good Definition.

A little New York boy, Tommy
Knickerbocker, whose father is promi-
nent club man, was studying his lesson
not long since. The little boy was very
much puzzled over his lessons and
finally he asked his pa:
"Pa, what does the work 'pretext'
mean?"
Don't bother me-" said his father.
who was reading a newspaper; but his
mother spoke up and said swectly:
"When your father says he has to go
to the club on important business, that
is p""text to get away from his fam
ily."
Tommy jotted down the definition
and read it out in school. thereby caus-
ing a senSation.-Texas Siftings.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12

who seem to be too lazy to even no
tice what others are doing, let alone
ever doing anything himself.
But you can be very much mistaken
In person of that style, you know,
and most people were in Sydney Lyle.
lie sd'o everything.
Well, when Lyle came along all FIVE
of the women pitched at him for his
opinion. Lyle swung himself up over
the piazza railing-it was at Santa Bar
bara-and seated himself facing his
questioners.
swell, now, really, ladies'" said he,
what is it you wish my opinion on? Is
1t the brave action Of the hero or the
exactions of the heroine?"
"Exactionsl' exclaimed Ida GRAY.
why, she only wanted some of the
men OF her set to show that they aoere
men,"
"Ohl L see, you are like the lady in
the story, you want a great deal, but
don't offer anything in return"
How SOP" crieS Mamie Vance. She
was always aggressive.
well, take the case under discus
sion, This lady and gentleman moved
In the same circle, but she looked upon
him as mere butterfly until accident
ally she discovered him to be hero
Now, what you would ask, | suppose,
is that he show himself man without
waiting for a chance to save loaded
train from destruction"
"Yes, yes" they all said
"Ah, but you see it would be ridicu-
lous for man TO show his true worth
in the presence of women who seem to
care for nothing but having good time
In m idle way.
Nov suppose you think it would
be much easier to choose husband if
the men would show up in their true
colors."
''Why, of course" said one of the
listening group. Zone ought to know
something of the real character of "a
man before she marries him."
Just So" said Lyle, reaching up to
pluck two rosebuds from the climber
near him.
''Now, allowing the truth of what
you say, it is only fair that man shall
have chance to judge of the lady be-
forehand. You will agree to that, will
you not?'
'Oh, certainly" in chorus.
"Let us take these buds as an illus
tration. They are lovely just as they
are, but we have no means of knowing
what they are at heart and will dis
close when full blown. The outside is SC
fair and pleasing one would naturally
suppose they would be perfect when
full blown. But let us see il
that is the case,' and he gently
forced apart the. leaves, disclosing at the
heart of one worm, the other being
perfect.
Now, you see, l was just as likely
to choose the imperfect as the perfect
one, judging from the outside alone
And that is just the way in fashionable
society; any of you young ladies is
liable to choose some lazy fellow like
myself instead of some steady, reliable
man."
"Yes, but, Mr.. Lyle, what woult
you have us do? We can't all have 6
chance to save train or rescue child
or such things as we read of people
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12

doing, and we can't march up to some
dude Of man and go over the list of
our likes and dislikes and our own ideas
as to what should be done about this,
that or the other thing" and Nannie's
rocker swayed violently for few mo-
ments.
Lyle laughed. Every true, Miss
Vance," he replied. But do you
know, it is often some very simple
thing that exposes persons true char
acter to the observer? Let me tell you
n little story about that
81 spent last winter in Chicago.
While there l met couple of charm
ing ladies, sisters. One was married to
a very wealthy man and was quite a
leader. She was very anxious that her
sister should make a good match from
fashionable point of view. But her
sister did not seem to be in a hurry
She was usually very gay in company,
and often noticed that she seemed to
prefer the society of the mere youths
more than that of older men. Her sis
ter didn't like it at all 'Pattie,
heard her say to her once. what can
YOU lind interesting about those gseep
lhingsF
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12
Would End the Romance.

"Tell me, Maud" he pleaded, if ]
have any hope? Why can't YOU be
frank with me?'
Because" sighed the maiden, "if
am yor won't be Frank with me any
more
And she dreaml'y twirled upon her
finger a ring thet had been put there
the evening heioTs by Harry, Chicago
Tribune
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12
Downing an Opponent.

Sub Editor weekly Snorter)-This
here Weekly Boomer over in Squash
town pitches into our stand on tn hog
question, an makes arguments wot
never seen before. We can't answer
EN-.
Editor Ooftily)-Jest write a short
editorial. savin we hain't got no time
ter waste on tn Boomers bad gram.
mar.-N. Y. Weekly.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12

"Who is that remarkably tall young
man?" asked Ethers papa.
THAT is Howard Claymore, pepper
He says you used to know him when he
was a lad
"Well, now he's a ladde,,"-Detroit
Free Press,
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12

Miss Downes-My brother. Upson,
said he met you on the other side-jusi
as you ran out of Berlin.
Mr. Roauds ,sadlyl-Yes: remember
very well. met your brother just as
I've rnH urt Qf cSsh.-ruek.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12

Chidwidler-Why is Jingleby's wife
81 jealous of himP
Homsodcver-You know he's an cp
tician, and he has eyes for yone.-
Jewellers Circular
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12
NATURAL FATS.
Their Great valuo as an Aid to the As
similation OF Food.

Their Great Valuo as an Aid to the As
similstion OF Food.
1t is well-known vital principle that
the use of natural fats, that is fats in
the form of an emulsion as nature fur
nishes them in milk, cream, nuts, etc,
are an aid to the assimilation of food.
Just how they increase assimilation we
do not know but it has been demon
strated by experiments with the diet of
man and lower animals However, this
is not true of free fats like butter and
fat meats. The same principle holds
with regard to sugar and other food ele-
ments. Many people have no difficulty
in the digestion of sweet fruits who
cannot take free sugar. None of the
food elements alone will support life.
A person would starve to death if he
tried to live upon starch, or upon sugar
or fats. The elements must be taken in
combination and no improvement can
be made upon the proportions in which
they are found ready prepared for use
by nature. In eating corn meal one
gets about one-twelfth of its bulk in a
fine emulsion of oiL-Dr. J. II. Kellogg.
-"Who is this Indian Pow-wow they
have been holding out West?" said Old
Jimpson, "Was he hard to hold2"-
Texas Siftings.
Upon a WLecl.-"Just come imp
"Yes." by rall?' NO bicycle -
Yankee Blade.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12
PATTIE'S POPCORN.
The Little Thing That Exposed
Her True Character.
Written for This Paper.1

lhS WOlC ulo-
eussing that lit
tie sketch of
Hi b b ard s in
the c. Maga-
zine. You re-
m Q m b er it
a b o u t t h e
you'n G society
man whoproved
t h a t he w a s
something more
than a fashion
able doll. Well,
as l said, they
were discussing
that when Sgd
ney Lyle came
along.
sgd was one
- 4la,n fa11A.,,e,
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-06-12
-"Who is this Indian Pow-wow the

Upon WLeel.-"Just come iu?"
"Yes" by rall?' mo bicycle -
Yankee Blade,
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

"WHAT is. a blush2'' quantity
queries an exchange. A blush is
a temporary erythema and calor-
llilc effulgence of the physiognomy
9tiologized by the perceptiveness
OF the eensorium when in a pre-
dicament Of unequilibrity from a
sense of shame, anger, OF other
cause, eventuating in a paresis of
The vaso-motor nervous filaments
of the facial capillaries, whereby,
being divested of their elasticity,
are suffused with radiant, aerated
compound nutritive circulating
liquid, emanating from an intimi-
dated precordia.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
KIN DARK AS COAL.
Eema Aff1icts a Wel1-Known Gentle
nan. Pitiable Subj ect to Look Upon,
Suffered Terribly. The Whole
BoGy Covered.
= sen up by San Francisco Doctors Might
have saved 5000, was Cured
for SO by Cuticura Remedies.

have many times studied over what CUTIcURA
done for me; it has restored me to good health
happiness, for before l tried CUTICURA RENE
Is was given up by all the doctors in San Fran
30; but if had only taken certain gentleman s
vice and tried CUTICURA REMEDIES sooner, should
tainly have saved from $500 to 5000. l was
st ptiable subject to Look upon with eczema. nd
Tered terribly. l was almost as dark as coal from
instep up to my knees on both legs. and after
t it broke out all over my body; but after using
ia dozen sets of CUTICURA REMEDIES l was per-
y restored to good health, and have enjoyed the
ever since (Which is over two years.. great
" people visit my establishment, and have
hundreds of people what CUTIcURA has done for
but haue thoughl that ought to write and let
know, SO that you can refer any one in this
&ty to me. LOUIS JOHNSON
Proprietor Marine Boat House,
SauSalitO Marin Co Calf
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

ACCORDING to the census bureati
Oh coal the total output of this
country for the year 1890 141, ,229-
513 tons, being an increase for the
decade of about 81 per cent. Eng
land still surpasses us in the
amount-of coal produced, but we
are gaining SO rapidly that we will
be ahead in a few years Fifteen
years ago, for example, the British
Islands produced 125,OOO,OOO tons
and the United States about 49, 1000
900 tons. Since then England has
increased her output about 40 per
cent, while ours has increased
800 per cent.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

A MAN of leisure and energy
with a turn for statistics has figur-
ed it out that the births in this
country cost annually $25O,0OO,-
900, the marriages, $3OO,OOO,OOO
and the funerals $75,O0O,OOO. 1t
will be seen therefore that mar
riages cost almost as much as
births and funerals put together,
Notwithstanding the fact that ev-
erybody has birth and funeral
wlrle only portion of the race
has weddings. This is striking
proof that we spend more on the
luxuries Of life than Oh the neces-
saries. Marriages ought to be
taxed.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

A SHORT time ago, in comment
ing upon the Eastern question, the
London Times said that in case of
a general European war England
would not rely upon the Suez can
al for her route to India, but would
seek a new route through Canada.
That these words were not with
out official inspiration is now
shown by the fact that British
regiment in India has been order
ed to come home by the Canadian
Pacific. If the time made is rea
sonably prompt and speedy this
will be regarded hereafter as an
established military highway be-
tween England and India.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

I'HE following is a composition
recently written by a schoolboy,
in a neighboring school, on the
cocOanut: "The kokonuts is a ma
tive to the tropik. 1t grows onto
trees and is good to eat. Billy
Browns oncle is vessil kaptain,
and one time he fetched Bill a
hole lot of kokonuts from the
West Ingines. Hit tuck us hole
week to eat -'em up. Wot Billy
and me wants to no is how does
the milk get inside the kokonut.
Does the kokonut grow around the
milk or does the milk leke in from
the outside, if so, wot fur? Koko-
nut py is my favorite, but Billy
likes kokonut candy best. Koko-
nuts is pulled off the trees by
which throws 'em at pc
pie like bas ball. l wish | was a.
mon-no; koko-no; | mean
peple, SO l cud get kokonuts 'thout
payin' for 'em.''
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

The celebrated British soldier.
General Gordon, in 1880 earnestly
advised Ii Hung Chang to march
before Peking and take possession
Of the government, and volunteer
ed to accompany and assist him.
The viceroy dismissed the advice
with a laugh, and changed the con-
versation. A day later he recur
red to the subject with the writer,
only to remark that General Cor
don was evidently insane. And
he declined thereafter to meet
him.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
DURING the month of july. 1890.

DURING the month of July, 1890,
woolen knit goods to the amount
Of $4S0,161 were imported into
the United States from foreign
countries; in July of this year,
under the Mckinley bill, these i'm
portations amounted to only $685.
4O3, less than one-half, the re-
naming $246,75S, assuming that
the consumption was approximate
ly the same this year, going into
the pockets of American manufac-
turers and American mechanics.
1t is impossible for free traders to
overcome the arguments of such
figures.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

The Ohio republicans are using
a most effective campaign badge.
1t is a medallion of bright Ameri-
can tin, such tin .as is used in
workingmen's pals. 1t has EN-
bossed on it in the middle: 1881;
Mckinley and Harris, Ohio >
Around the rim is the motto:
"American Tin Plate-Protection
to Home Industries.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

The New York Sun (Dem. J
calls attention to the fact that Gro
yer Cleveland has actually appear
ed on the stump in Ohio, although
not speaking for the democrats.
Major Mckinley read Cleveland's
letters against free silver with
striking effect in his opening
speech.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
A PLAIN old lady entered a bool

A PLAIN old lady entered a book
store and inquired for a s'big die
tionary." II suppose you want
the latest and best one," suggest
ed the clerk. II want the biggest
and heaviest one in the Market"
said the old lady. "You see my
darter's master hand to gather
ortumn leaves, and she hain't no
dictionary to press 'em in like the
other girls have, and Pm goin' to
s'prse her with one. So give me
the heftiest book of the hull lot,"
and she gasped a sigh of satisfac-
tion as she unrolled well-filled
wallet to pay for a new system of
education.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
SEVERAL society ladies of Ia

SEVERAL society ladies of Ia
coma have organized "rainy day
club" the object being to encour-
age the wearing on wet days of
dresses that do not reach below
the ankles. This is a seasonable
protest against the fashion of
wearing dresses that sweep up the
mud and filth Of the streets, and
is therefore in the interest of both
sense and cleanliness.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

A GEORGIA judge performed the
most wholesome fining job ON
record the other day. An audi
ence in a court room cheered dur
ing a murder trial, and were 81
fenced only after considerable eff
fort, when the judge had the doors
locked and fined the whole lot of
them, about 200 in number, and
ordered a new trial. They won't
trif1e with that court after this.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

WHETHER luck or brains is the
more potent is still a debatable
question, but the combination is
irresistible. Twenty years ago a
bright young fellow from the
country was conductor ON one of
the street railways of the metrop-
oils. Ability and attention to
business secured his promotion
step by step until he was made
superintendent of the road. At
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
HILL and Cleveland harmonized

HILL and Cleveland harmonized
opinions at a Flower ratification
meeting in New York the other
evening. We would infer from
this that the democratic party of
New York state and the Tammany
gang are walking hand in hand to
the ultimate success of the ticket
this fall. With New York republi-
can means a republican president
in 1892, and the democrats know
this fact.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

Intelllgencer. And yet Oregon,
with plenty of hides and all the
materials for tanning, does not
manufacture to any extent its own
leather OF leather goods like har-
ness, boots and shoes, betting, etc.
The time is coming when capital
will seek investment in manufac-
lures; zhen there will be more
genuine business men and fewer
mere r,oney lenders on this coast.
= The average man Of money in
(Eegon will never invest cent in
hufacturing enterprises so long
Rhe can lend money on good Sc
lrity for large interest. It takes
rains to conduct a legitimate busi-
ness, but it requires little brains
TO be money lender. There is
IS much intellectual difference be-
ween a genuine business man,
kho builds up and maintains
mercantile or manufacturing en-
terprise, and mere money lend
las there is between general of
army and a mere paymaster or
efJermaster or commissary. The
ed of Oregon and Washington
more men like those who built
Chicago, and fewer men like
fse who handicapped St. Louis.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
SUBSCRIPTION RATS

The JOINT discussion between
Campbell and Mckinley was an
exhibition of wonderful powers OF
argument and debate. Both are
certainly great men.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

MAJOR MCKINLEY tells a Chicago
reporter that not only is he going
to be handsomely. elected himself
this fall, but the Ohio legislature
will be republican beyond a doubt.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

CORVALLIS boom is the right
kind of a boom. A short cessa-
ton will not cause things to drop
below par with sudden impulse.
Corvallis is destined to be a great
city, and we don't give a tinker's
darn how soon that is.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

remuneNkve business, and there
does not seem to be any sound
reason why Oregon should not be
able to largely supply Portland
with its canned fruits of this de-
scription, says the Seattle Post
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
Cuticura ResOlyent

new Blood Purifier, internally Ito cleanse the
OF all impurities and poisonous elements and
remove the cause) ana CUTCURA, the great
Cure, and -CUTICgRA SOAP, exquisite Skin
tifer, externally Ito clean the skin and scalp,
festore the hair), cure every disease and humor
e skin and blood, from pimples to scrofula.
ID everywhere. Price, CUTICuRA, 5Gc; SOAP,
REsoLvENT, 81. Prepared by the POTTER DRUG
CHEMICAL CoRPoRATIoN Boston.
rSend for 'How to Cure Skin Diseases
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16

8 and palms, back ache, weak kidneys,
a rheumatism, AMI chest pains relieved in
~ ONE MINUTE by the CUTlcURA ANTI-PAIN
Err. The first and only instaneous plin- killing
r
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-10-16
IA MUSCULAR STRAINS

R VIC Skin and Scalp purified and beautified
~ ~ by CUTICURA SOAP. Absolutely pure
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1891-09-24

Remember that Castoria does not con-
tain Morphine, Opium, or any other mar
cotic substance, in any quantity, shape or
form. II Is entirely vegetable, pleasant
TO take, positively effective, and perfectly
harmless. II is not q secret remedy; the
formula Is printed on the wrapper. Your
physician will recommend it. Pareg0Fic.
Bateman's Drops and many so-called
Soothing Syrups, are composed princi-
pally Of Opium or Morphine; in any
quantity they Supply, and in large guam
titles are deadly poisons. Castoria as
Stimulates the food and regulates the bow
els, cures diarrhea, allays feverishness
and fretfulness, soothes the pain in teeth
ing, relieves constipation and kills worms.
II brings refreshing and natural sleep to
the child and gives rest 10 the mother.
"Castoria is 10 well adapted TO infants
and children, that l recommend II as
superior 10 any other known remedy"
DR. II. A. ARCHER,
Ill $. Oxford st. Brooklyn, N. Y.
March 8, 1887.
"From personal knowledge and obser-
walton can say that Castoria Is an ex-
cellent medicine for children, acting rs q
laxative and relieving the pent up bowels
and general system very much. Many
mothers have told me Of Its excellent
effect upon their children"
DR.. q. C. OsGOOD,
Lowell, Mass. v3-27-lO4t.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1891-09-24

EDWARD ALBRKTsoN and Fred n. Cband.
Ter, who succeeded in getting away with
SO, 900 IN cash from q Tacoma banking
house, were captured in Oregon last Sat.
urday. Albertson was shot, but how
seriously 1t is impossible to ascertain, and
over 10000 Of the money was recovered.
Detective" Sullivan still comes in for a
great deal Of censure, and has succeeded
in materially widening the already broad
breach between Tacoma and Seattle. 1t
is well to capture and punish criminals,
but when such methods are adopted as
sullivan resorts to, it smacks too much
Of the adage set thief to catch thief. ("
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1891-09-24

IT is said glass Of beer taken through
a straw will intoxicate man. Tbeliqu
taken in small quantities is spread over
the coating Of the stomach, and the alco-
hol is at once vaporized, the fumes rising
to the brain. 1t takes some time to drink
half pint Of beer through q straw. and
the intoxicating ingredients are in full
activity for several minutes. 1t is this
continuity, and not the amount Of alco-
hol, that causes intoxicatiOn from 20
harmless a Jraught.