Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-09-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The badger state-matrmony.-
The crook is always on mischief bent
-Pitts6urg Post.
A stirring appeal e-a-k-fust!"-
Washington Star.
Lawyers are unlike most people in one
respect; nothing suits them better than
great trials. Courier.
1t is a p0rfec tly proper thing to poach
an egg, but to poach the bird that lays
the egg Is quite another thing. Boston
Transcript.
sDere's millions in it," said the old
colored man, as he gazed over the fence
at the watermelon PATCH -Binghamton
Republican.
Every man has an axe to grind, and
looks upon every other man with an eye
T-to inducing him to turn the handle
Atchison Globe.
1t is mistake about its being un.
healthy to sleep in feathers. Look at the
spring chicken and see how tough he is
Richmond Recorder.
Slang was not common in the days of
Governor William Penn, else the boys
would have called Penn "his nibs. y
Nsw Orleans Picayune.
At dawn the fishernnr goes away
That batch of fish may be caught;
He wanders home at the end of day
With a catch of fish he has bought.
-Hdrper's Bdzar.
A woman is getting ready to make
trouble for herself when she starts out TO
be heroine to the world. Her mission
is to be heroine at home. Atchi,es9n
Globe.
The ''skeeter's" military in his nightly avo-
cations
For generally he drills awhile, and then bo
draws his rations.
Chicago Herald.
Wibble-"They may talk about their
corn husks, musk rats and all that sort
of thing, but there's one sign of cold
winter l never saw fail yet" Wabble
-''What's that3' Wibble-"The ther-
mometer "-Denlorest's Monthly.
A Fifth street doctor is something of
wag, and when a patient said: "Doc-
tor, have a boil coming on my neck; l
felt it first in my sleeping car bunk, "
the doctor answered. "Ah! then pre-
sumo it must be a carbuucle. - Philadel
7,hia Record.
"The better the day, the better the deed"
Thus do we turn to suit our need
This proverb of olden time
Suppose we turn it the other way,
THE better the deed the better the day" :"
And make it a truth sublime.
AT a fashionable gathering a gentleman
made several attempts to start the con-
versation, but owing to the stupidity of
those present, he failed completely.
After painful pause he finally remarked: /:
"Now let us be silent on some other
subject. "-TeDaS Sittiags.
Mrs. Quartz-'Injun2" Hank
"Ya-as." Mrs. Quartz-"Git hlma"
Hank-''Dead'r winged, one'r t'other." !"
Mrs. Quartz-''Jest look over'n see if
he's got any blue beads ON his moccasins.
| need bout thimble full more fer
that Peace'n Good will motto card I'm
working"
81 have weight upon my mind,
l overheard him say.
"That's good" said she, "twill keep He
wind
From blowing it away"
Detroit Free Press.
A little boy at church the other day
was permitted by his mother to put the
money into the contribution pkte. Hav-
ing on previous occasions paid f6es to car
conductors, etc, he understood his duty,
for rising proudly, he fairly shouted to
the old gentleman, "Plcase, mister, that's
for two. "-Iruth.
"Well, but, Maud" The absent
minded youth was interrupted by the
horror-strickeu girl. "Maud2 MY name
is not Maudl" The situation was des
perate, yet fortune did not desert him.
"But, my darling Louise, what am COM
ing around here for if 1t is not to event
ually change your name9" She thought
he had prearranged the joke and he thus
was saved. Philadelphia Times.
An eminent scientist computes that a
comet will strike the earth, on an aver
age, about once in every fifteen million
years. We hate to knock out the calcu-
lations and estimates of an eminent man
of science, but cold facts are stronger
than theories, and we are compelled to
say that we have been here over forty
years and there has ne er IA comet struck
the earth since we've lived here. If it
did, it must have come along in the
night. -Burdette.