The Opelousas courier., 1891-07-25
HUMOR OF III DAY.

AL oiu oticA-in-tHe 'muu-AQa ncn0r.
1t is peculiar that when a man is full
he has a vacant look.
There is very little security in a light
ming bolt.-Lo0eu Courier.
Natural selection-The best umbrella
in the rack.-Haroard Lampoon.
The farmer declares a dividend Oh his
plowshares.- Washington Star.
The fisher for compliments generally
bats his hook with fiattery.-Bostoa
, Courier.
"Actions speak louder than words"
We may never say die, but we've all got
to do it.-Puck.
The r'oustache is a thing of beauty,
but it never has sense enough to get out
of the wet.-Puck.
"Some men can't stand suspense" as
! the philosopher said when he witnessed
| the hanging Columbus Post.
The man that has "gone tn grass" finds
that he has to keep off of it,Fhen he has
got to the public parks.-Hsek.
A Chicago man has just had a coat-of-
arms fixed up with the motto, stAu
things come to him who hustles.n
That was an ingenious disciple of Isaak
Walton who Gshed for electric eels with
a lightning rod.-Boston Commercial But.
etin.
1t is all right to hawk spring chickens
about the streets, but it isn't to hawk
them about a barnyard.- Washington
Star.
"HelIo.' said the citizen, as he watched
a cloud of dust arising, ~ see real es-
tate is going up again = Washington
Post.
Sharp-''Renthaus is going to move
again. Flat-"How do you know"
sharp-"He's using up the ba,S steps
for kindling Puck.
A man in North Carolina has a horse 40
years old, and he is doing all he can to
smooth the animals pathway to the glue
factory-Tecas Syitsngs. -
Freshly-"The moon is just comfort
ably full now" Old Soak with the
knowledge of experience)-,It will
soon be reduced to its last quarter
sundsy School Teacher When
your father and mother forsake you, who
will take you up2" Small Boy: the
perlice, slr."-Haroard Lampoon.
Beggar-s.I was once a soldier, sir"
Veteran-ssYou were, Ell? Til prove it.
Attention! Eyes righti-now, what IS
nexta" Beggar-"Present arms.n-Nev
York Herald. n
Things One Would Rather: Algernon
(who is much given to talking in phrases)
-"Aagelina, / love you with a fer.
vor-a fervor worthy of a better cause2"
-Haroard Lonapoon.
Mr.. Rasticus-etMiss Shipper, shall we
.promenade2" Miss Simper-aProme-
nahd3 With a pleasure Mr.. Rasti-
cus-ssShall we have a glass of-er-
frstan-O Chicago Tribune.
"Mercy me /" said Miss Passee; aI
sincerely hope they will not pass the law
a day of eight hours" aWhy
not 2" ssJust think how rapidly we shall
age just three times as fast."-Har-
per's Bazaar.
The editor of the Chicago Tribune has
probably run into an umbrella. He
prints this admonit in. No man should
carry a half openedpmbrella in a crowd.
should either pa up " shut up
CITY Star.
Old Vickars-aOh, of course. you
think you know ever so much more than
your father" Young Vickars-aOh.
no, | don't; indeed I don't. It is. no
doubt, true that your age and experience
more than counterbalance my superior
Intellectual ability, pa."-Indianapozjs
Journal.
Well, said a lawyer as he entered his
condemned clients cell, g good news at
"a reprieve ~ eagerly ex-
claimed the prisoner. g No, not a re.
aieve, but your uncle has died and left
rou $4,000, and now you can meet your
with the satisfying feeling thai the
loble efforts of your lawyer in your be.
lalf were not unrewardeda-Loadoa It'd
Bits. j
1oung man, said the stern father,
do you realize that my daughter is il J
he habit of wearing dresses that cost all
he wag from $50 TO $1002n ~ do,o J
eplied the young man, firmly, land, !
be continued, an exultant ring in
rs voice, it was only the other night
hat we took an account of stock and
ound that she had enough Of them to
ast three years ahead. "-Coa5 Reoiew.