Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-02-23

The hardest thing for any man to be
satisfied with is his own company.
Brown never hit man when he is
down. Smith-Probably not unless he is
tied down.
The devil is not much troubled about
the children in any family where he can
have his own way with the parents.
IL is one of the unsolved mysteries how
two persons can exchange rubbers and
both invariably get the worst pair.
Briggs-I did not see you at church
last Sunday. Braggs-No; | didn't get
in until you had gone to sleep.
Farmers Boy Pop, here comes Mr..
CIoce, and he's smilin' all over. Farm
er-Yaas, he's comm to borrow our boss.
81 am always getting stuck" said the
type. Nevertheless, have a very
good impression of you,' answered the
paper.
What delicious high mountain! said
Mrs Shoday. / do so love to go up
mountains. OF course you have an ele-
vator.
That portrait painter is a brute. What
has he done? 1 wanted him to make
portrait of me, and he said he wasn't an
animal painter.
"Humph," sneered the ass, as he ell
countered the zebra. ''You look like an
escaped convict" Possibly" retorted
the zebra. but no one ever takes me
for an ass"
Brown lent you my umbrella yester-
day, Robinson, on the express condition
that it was to be returned this morning.
Robinson-I know you did, but, but my
dear fellow. it rained this morning"
Mrs. Hendricks-Do you come of a
long-lived family, Mr.. Dumley? Dumley
oh, yes my father died at eighty, and
and if my grandfather had lived until next
Monday he would be one hundred and
seventeen years old.
An Illinois cheese factory turned out
thirty tons of Limburger this year. And
despite this odoriferous fact, man is
building a home for himself within ten
miles of the works. He must have lost
one of his senses, at least.
A society young man, OF dude brand,
met with painful accident few days
ago. His cane fell on his foot MASKING
the member so badly that he will be con-
fined to his room for two months. And
yet some papers ridicule big canes!
ssThose who dance must pay the tid-
der" quoted Miss Blocker. Yes, replied
Miss South Church of Boston; the indi-
viduals who indulge in tepsichorian exer-
cises must defray the expenses incurred
by the engagement of violinist.
At temperance meeting in Spicer
street, London, man stood up and said /;
You know there is d public house called
The Blind Beggar. Do you know the
meaning of that sign? L will tell you.
They go in blind and come out beggars.
In reading room, two boys, twelve and
eight years old, looking at illustrated
book Elder (readng) - India-rubber
tree. Younger-Is that rubber tree?
Elder-Yes; you hit that tree with a
Ratchet, and the hatchet1l bounce back.
That was an eccentric woman who
bought an 1888 almanac the other day,
and few hours later returned and asked
the clerk of whom she purchased it if he
would exchange it for one that ''didn't
have so much snow and cold weather in
it."
An article in a newspaper the other day
was called "a Novel Railroad We have
travelled on it. 1t is the railroad Oh
which train boy drops forty seven soil
ed novels of the suicide Library series, or
the passengers lap before he travels tel
miles.
We often read of man finding pear
worth S25 in an oyster, but we never
heard of an oyster worth S25 being founC
in pearl Will some old scientist pleas,
explain the wherefOreness of the which
ness of this rule that refuses to worI
both ways.
An eminentlY proper young lady fire
ouently refers to her fathers ''mill-oath.
If she were to go to a young ladie:
boarding school, where the manners al
polished, at so much per polish, it woul
not be long before she would be able t
blurt right out in every day United State
language.
II believe Fanny is making me an a
ghan," said the youth Il was calm
there last night and she was working O
it: but she wouldn't tell me who or VIII;
it was for" ''She told me- 1t is for yol
Int it's not an afghan. It's one OF pa
Of aar.fahs y