The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-06-18
THE LOUNGER-

llGEC wGIS ON " OlQ l1dlQS OnCC
I who, on the first day of the year
met in solemn conclave of two, and
settled their ages for the year. It
was a wise step that. There could
he no doubt of their age because
they had settled that question in
solemn assembly. Their friends
may have questioned the number of
years, but what difference did that
make to the two spinsters They
had each other support, and if
you can get only one person to back
you in lie, then you make a his
torical fact. This is the way in
which history is written. Herodo-
tus, the Father of History, adopted
this plan. He told lies and then
supported them by the quaint re
mark, the priests told me this.
In short you may lay it down as a
general rule that what is history
now was once lies. Under no other
|supposition can the modern tenden-
cy to rewrite history and remodel
historical characters be explained.
Picture to yourselves the amount of
rewriting which we are entailing
upon future generations. But to
return to our story. The old maids
fixed their ages no doubt to prevent
their friends having that privilege.
Nv age has been settled for me by
some woman, who told it to another
woman, which latter told it to a
friend, who told it to me. My Sc
robustness of department Influenced
the old lady in making me out ten
years older than [ am. [ forgive
her. Ten years hence, if I live, [
will forgive her ten times as hard
What a blessed thing this forgive
ness is. 1t is cheap. 1t is one of
the few things in which I can in
dulge without any risk Of squan-
dering my substance. Oh that all
the world would do something that
would call for my forgiveness, that
[ may just show how generous I
am, but I am harmless, and the
world does not worry itself with
me therefore I have no chance to
be extravagantly generous.
This Statement of my age was
made to me in the hearing Of a
friend who, in banter, has often !
told me that | am many years
younger than am, This doubt of
my age has settled me in my pur-
pose to publish short biographies of
the members Of our Institution; |
our readers may look out |
for those numbers, and II they like |
they may send in their orders for
copies. Our nationality, our early
predictions, our age, the year we
cut our first wisdom teeth, will then
be facts with which our kind
friends may amuse themselves in
the morning when they are putting
up their back hair, or in the even
ng when they use their powder
rags l have already contracted to
write two biographies. My own
shall let to the highest bidder.
The principal facts will be provided
Oy Some Of my admiring friends,
who know more about me than
have been able to learn about my |
self in my life Of - years. II
shall try to get the contract to
write up my room mates biography
He is unwilling to let it just now,
out I have assured him that my
style of work will be such that he
would not recognize him., and !
that future ages Would bless me for
ny effort. / never have dabbled in
that sort Ut literature, nor would I
now if I We're not driven to it to
protect my friends from their
friends. With mirth and laughter
ct wrinkles come, but not with t
added years of carping tongues. If
Billy Shakespeare were alive I
should ask him to insert the pre-
,eding sentence in "The Tanning of I
5he Shrew,"
X
We have had circus in town. It
makes me feel young again to see
the parade, and the animals to |
think Of the jokes which originated
with Noah and his menagerie; to
mark the glee Of the small boy who
turns over his quarter in his pocket
while thinking of the fun which be
is going to have. Oh, the circus,
the good old circus Of years ago |
| was SAVia0. q few NIGHTS aafn Ia