The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-09-16
WIT AND HUMOR.
Sunday is the summer landlords

There may be newspapers in heaven. |
but they are not filled with booms and
new arrivals. - GGtUesto7a NeaOS.
A rather unsteady man was heard to |
declare that the genuine old Virginia |
reel is mint julep. Washington Star. |
Ladies do not like to grow old, and
yet they're the very first to adopt |
new wrinkles. ghaaatofs Repab- |
ttcGs.
Engaged couples may not average |
larger than other people, yet they are
often distinguished by their sighs.-
Lowell Courier.
Amateur Actress-'I appear in Juliet
next winter. What do you appear IMP"
Professional Actress = Tights" Il
Detroit Free Press.
Hunker-'M Mine is a tailor-made
watch" Spatts = 'Hew is thatPn
Hunker-"It was premium with a
suit of clothes. ."-Judge.
The beach costumes this season are
loud enough to prevent one from max
ing out what the wild waves are say
ing.-Baltsnaore american.
The world owes us living, yet no
man can collect the debt unless he
RuIlo OA lis COtb anu bt1hCS IL 4IOuu VIC
worlds hide.-Ieras Siflings.
Before we were married." said she,
This displays of affection were posi-
lively overdone." .And now?n ''They
are rare. Detroit Free Press.
The only objection made to the self
made man is that in so many cases he
has failed to put himself together so
as to work noiselessly. - Washington
Star.
when l marry" explained the
Lieutenant, my wife must have
sufficient dowry for me to support her
both in style and comfort. ."-F3iegefadle
Bldtter.
do you suppose that Elijah mas
literally translated, or is the account
to be taken fgurativelyP" 1T was a
free translation, i think. ~ Indianapolis
Jour7saI.
He-"Why do you run away and
leave Mr.. WinkleP' She-"Because
he's too stingy and mean. Why, he
won't even laugh at his own expense!
Life.
The writer who speaks of scarcity
of designs for small coins has proba-
bly, overlooked great many of the
ton Star.
Bond-''Why are you fond of pro-
gressive euchreP" Miss Revere-"O.
] do so delight in seeing the jack Of
diamonds trump the queen of hearts"
IN. Y Herald.
Let US not be harsh with the poll
ticians. If it was not for politics many
men who are too lazy to earn their liv-
ing with their hands would be paupers.
Teras Sittings.
When God gives man an Office he
usually gives him sense to run it; but,
as a general thing, if man has got
sense God does not give him an office.
-1erds SJttngs.
A woman is getting ready to make
trouble for herself when she starts out
to be a heroine to the world. Her
mission is to be heroine at home
Atchison Globe.
She-"Papa. may marry JakeP I
could go fur ther and fare worse" He
you couldn't fare worse" She
.'Then what's the use of my going
furtherp"-Judge.
.To-morrow," said Mr.. Garrity, ''we
do be goin' to knock off wurrk. Also.
the hid of ahny blaggaird that thries
to shtep Until the places ay us. III
dianapotss Journal.
Things one would rather have left
unwritten-Proud Father (reading his
sons school report)-"Manners yul-
gar-yery vulgar. But perhaps this is
hereditary Pu'ach.
Clara-'Did you see Miss Palisade
in her new Paris bathing dressm
Maude-'No; was with a gentleman
as we passed by. and / didn't dare
look. ."-CEoak Re0ieU.
DO you believe in the divine right
of Kingsp" "Yas. sab. " answered the
proud Kentuckian, and 1 allus bet
'em as if there wasn't an ace in the
world. Detroit Free Press.
'sThe Eastern sages believe that
there is a sign on each mans forehead
that the angels may read, y he whisper
ed softly. sy9hat is yoursP" she an
swered. ITO letP"-M. r Herald.
Briton-"If you are such a rampant
American l should think you would
remain where Americans are most ap-
preciated.' American-tI do-in
London and Paris. s.''-KGte Fields
Washington.
'Pm going to drop the study of
Browning. said the Boston girl.
What forP" inquired the other. horri-
fed. s'Well. here of late sometimes
imagine understand what he means. )"
Philadelphia Times.
"What! You do not even speak?
Why. last spring you seemed to be
the typical two souls with but single
thought" :" "Yes. that was the trouble.
We both wanted to marry rich."-Iaa-
dtGsadpotts journal.
Merchant-.I missed you from the
store yesterday afternoon Clerk
''Yes, / was down to the Y. M. c. A.
rooms leading a prayer-meeting. J"
Merchant-"Is that SOP How was the
umpiring?" Binghanaton Leader.
Knowles-"The rhinoceros is a
native of England. isn't it?" Towels
"A native of England! Why. what
ever put such an idea into your head!'
Knowles-"Why, just look how his
clothes ft him. ."-,Scrtbne1' Magazine.
Mrs. Bloobumper Indicating a
passer-by)-"That man is dressed to
kill" Boobumper (admiringly)-
What discernment you have, my
dearl That is DR.. Paresis. out max
ing professional calls. - Harper
Weekly.
Miss Oldtimer-''Yo play tennis
very well for one who has played SO
little.n Miss Newcomer Thanks.
l shall be glad when can play as well
as you do: but suppose it takes years
and years of practice. ."-Mu'sSeys s
Weekly.
st. Peter why do you think you
should be allowed to enter?" Shade
81 have never told lie." st. Peter
Take the toboggan slide for the other
place. l never allow any one to enter
who rakes up my past history. IN z.
Herald.
Hes a great catch, l assure you. y
said one young woman to another.
"He must have inherited his money;
he's hardly old enough to have made
it." money! o, referred to his at
tainments in the way of baseball
Washington Star.
Printer-"Old Closefist is dying and
they're taking up subscription to de-