Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1891-08-06
THREE FUNERALS.

custom to preach the funeral of the
deceased long after the deceased has
been buried. In fact, nearly all the
preachers work consists OF funeral
orations. Sometimes new circuit
rider, to endear himself to the people
will first announce himself by declar-
ing that he will entertain his beloved
hearers on the lie, character and
death of old Anderson Lipscomb,
who surrendered to the demand of
the great high Sheriff of death just
forty-three years ago yesterday.
Recently Simeon ], Boyle, circuit
rider of the old school, was appoint
ed by conference to take charge of
the Black Sulphur Strings circuit
He was known as a perfect agonizer,
a man who could raise the soft hair
OF luxurious sin into the stiff bristle
of fear. The day after Boyle had ar
rived in the neighborhood of his
new charge he was called upon by
Wigs Bailey. Wiggs is a we'll known
character of the community-a man
of untrembling nerve, of strong
arms, and an appetite that had new
er been known to fail.
"What can do for you?" the
preacher asked, when the visitor had
introduced himself
"Jes' called to pay my respects an
to tell you you ever need my sar-
vices, jes' call on me. l 'preciate the
position you hold as a worker for
the Lord, and l wanter ask a favor
of YOU
Albright, brother
ri want you to preach the funeral
of my brother Ike. Best Teller you
ever seen in your life-died about ten
or fifteen years ago. Great big fell
Ter, whipped old Oscar Miles once,
and Os was a power in the land, 1
tell you. Now you preach his funeral,
an III make it all right with YOU"
II will do it, brother. What was
the cause OF his death?"
"Lack of Ticker"
"What, was he so addicted to the
use ofliquor that when it gave out
and he couldn't get any more he
died?"
"Oh, no: he was never much OF
hand to drink"
"Then how did he die on account
of the lack of liquors.
"W'y, ne was bit by a rattlesnake,
an as he didn't have no ticker, he
jest nachully died."
"And you want me to preach his
funeral?"
eyes, an you ken get into some
powerful work when you git down
inter the Jacks of his lynn thar suf-
ferin' fur Ticker. You can fetch the
tears outen mighty nigh ever eye in
the house."
ri see, but description of his
death, no matter how vivid, will not
be quite enough. Tell me something
of his liie."
"Wall, he was the powerfullest fell
Ter in the country. Reckon he could
lift more at a handspike than any
man about here"
"But what were his strongest
points,"
"Rasslin' brother, rasslin' with
the ketch-as-ketch-can rule"
''But had he not some moral quail
ity?"
"Oh, yes. He didn't swear 'cept
when he conldn't help hisself."
"Well, l will do the best I can.
Will next Sunday do?"
eyes, suits me all right. Thar'll
be a big crowd out, specially as this
is your iust 'pearance, an l want
you to paint Ike as bright as a rose.
EYES," said the preacher, scratch
ing his head, "I'll do that. Your
brother was a-a-popular man, was
he?"
Popular as a basket OF ginger
cakes at a county fair.''
Cali right, brother. I'll be on
hand next Sunday.
The house was crowded on the
following Sunday. Wiggs took
seat near the pulpit, and, taking out
an immense handkerchief-it must
have been the half OF a tablecloth-
made himself appear as man of
deep seated sorrow. The new circuit
rider preached q powerful sermon; he
painted pathetic picture of a man
wallowing on the ground, wringing
his hands and crying, in an agoniz-
ed voice." Licker, oh!bring me Ticker,
or I will perish''
After services were over Wigs
shook hands with the preacher, and
then, breaking down with the weight
of his emotion, wheeled about and
disappeared in the woods.
On the following Saturday Wiggs
called on the preacher again. 81
have come" said the visitor, when
the minister had shaken hands with
him, 'to tell you that not only me,
but everybody, is delighted with the
brother Ike sermon"
ttT !, ~ ~