davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
PROBATE oRDER-state of Michigan. coun-

DR0BATE 0RDER-State OF Michigan. Coun-
l. ty OF Kent, IS AT a session of the Probate
Court Tor said county OF Kent, he'd 81 tie Pro
bate once. ia the city Of Grand Rapids. OF the
3lst day OF December. In the year one thousand
eight hundred and ninety.
Present. Cyrus 4. Perkins Judge OF Probate.
In thf mailer OF tile estate II
lfEAURlhA TER MEIER. deceased.
the last viii and testament 81 said deceased.
having been lled in this court for probate:
LIZ is ordered that Monday. the 10Th day OF
January. 1881. AT 10 O'Clock Ia the fore noon AT
said Probate Office. be appointed for proving
said instrument.
And ii is further ordered. that = copy 81 this
order be published three successive weeks pre-
yIOns tossic day OF hearing. IN tie IEEGRAA-
HERALD a daily newspaper printed and eigcg-
lating In said county of Kent.
CYRUS =. PERKINS.
a true eopyl. Judge Of Probate
ADoLPH 3. Mason. Register. Sat Jan L.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
Ths why Italian.

An Italian who conducts . confee-
tioeery stand in Park Row has adopted
a novel idea to force custom, says tho
New York Tribune He leaves a silver
half dollar lying upon the glass case in
which his wares are inclosed Natural
" every one who comes along looks at
the half dollar. and as a consequence
has his attention called to the goods be-
meath tho giasA Occasionally some
weli-meaning Individual, thinking such
= reckless exposure Of money uninten-
tonal and due 20 carelessness, will
pause, call the attention of the Italian
and point to the coin. The Italian pre-
tends TO misunderstood the reason he is
called. 'Haf pound car'mels, did
yow sayY' he inquiries, blandly, as he
picks up the half dollar and puts it il
his pocket. "Er-cra-yes, tho victim
replies about nine times out of ten.
Why he does SO reply it would be Diff
cult to say. except on the theory that
his good seRse inelts beneath the su-
preme blandness of the Italian.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

mnwukns 8eb<s ~ - oshsrvlss wso -
pessA ssk Gsspssss1ss usvsn~.

m,wuk>s anbss ~ - osAs~wiss Nd 49,
pes~A ask asaps~ssAss nsvss~
Rsp<rt H.2sbsreagh. Of TIE EFn 81
crswl~y. marlborough = Co. lestzsF
de4lsss. e chalisosAs. o.. - The pssssss>r
~ 81 zasassi curiosity - tbs shape q
= COW vhieh gives black mlk. she L
ga NJ. uxnsbefoaxh's s1essxi fsrxa. says
Tie chisasss hersiA sis3stsa = fe" miles
eat Of tSsa. aEa can BE seen az sAy
sizss sr><iss "a kis pasture. and - nal-<-
i1x si4ns k<r siAguS~r yield VIII -
sAswn sny sae desiring 20 sshold II
OF mixed breed. jersey and Durham
with . strain Of ayrshire. she was
ezlyed On the fzrn ana was tAe second
bern ~ her moshes. whoss allk pre-
sented 40 peculiarly, snd whose arss
easf, . heifer. 80. sill gives an assad-
snce OF natarai tiated mix
gsff.-, As she h called, Is pretty
little COW. with sething unusual IN her
appearances. and has borne already ave
young, which have thriven well GA her
black uaiik- IL produces fair amount
VI cream. which Is tribe lighter IN col
or, and Which when ehurned makes but
YER resembling saai tai, but as palatA-
bic - though Of golden yellow. Mr..
Hansboroash says that at first they
we're AFRAID 10 drink or use the milk in
sny way. but, overcoming their Preju-
dioe. now enjoy il IS any other.
He has received Numbers OF offers for
her, both from the propTietors of muse
uins sna s.oekaen. but declined them
frora hopes that she win yet transnit
her peculiarly To some of her progeny.
Chemists in Rishmsnd and Washington
have analysed the milk, both fresh and
when made into butter, but declare thai
they can detect nothing to account for
it's sable color. but attribute IL To soma
unique eoloring pigment in the corpus
eles OF her blood.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

CrDkR RAPIDs, Ia. Jan. 2.-Fire at
Clarence Thursday afternoon destroyed
the stores OF Heeht & Thorn. Hanna &
Co, ]. I. fischer and ReieheIss agri-
cultural store. Less. So. eoe: Insurance,
SIS. coo Il Is Supposed the Gre origi-
mated from ths furnace in Hseht &
Thor1,'s building
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

ToPrxA. Kan. jan 2.-The little 8
yesrold daughter Of Or r. A. Barber
who wandered away from home Wednes-
dav. was not found until thursday
morning. dead She had wandered a
distance OF ten miles and had died from
aeId and hunger
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

JACss$SvILLs. Fla, Jan. Con
t-srv 20 arrangements made tAe BODY
Of General =. r Spinner WAS taken 70
an unaertsker's early Thursday morn
ing. where it vas ssn bslaed and ~as
sent north BY rail 10 zehsvk. " y.
for iaterment
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
LEGAL AD EEEIRTISIbtG
Sealed Proposals.
eEFss sasss p Pan y esss

0kFssF bE<6p - ftklE< n 1&ss
9sAAp ksFsss. Atkk.. Eee. - l>Szl
se1aeE Rta1ses<lf y 81 DC reserved al kks aItes
81 tss fe<Fd uetl s&zaEs4s, ssasNfs =. ltsi
a : y b. "a. lsE asf snthk tsuse< iaf fVh8af>
- ihs elsth sffetl sriaz<- so~orSiAx = the
sl,sSAnSrtie1ss ah nis ~ the eilles 81 the tset3
1ke Scare reserves tas rie4s - Eesees @ns
o. 81 BIDS
Al kLefsS%s uasl he 2z2ae 1Ron banks
thas VII he furnished aEsn application - Gas
esneS OF tss kaxra
D order II ile Beard
Attest: pressesat.
faEa A. TwAsLEx. Secretary. Jan s
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
TEEAsURER's NcTIcr.

City Clerks once
Grand Rapids. Mich. Dee. T. lsS0
Notice Is hereby gwen hat the assessment
roll for the opening. widening and extension
of North Lafayette street. frcm Fairbanks
street 10 Carrier street, in the city Of Grand
Rapids. Is DOW In ny hands. and that l val
receive payment thereon tor The period "a
twenty days from this date. 81 the o.aCe OF the
City Treasurer. City Han.
GEORGE x. PERRY.
ian ~ Treasurer.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
TREAsURER's NOTICE.

City Tressurer's once
Grand Rapids, Mich Dec. -. 1875
Notice is hereby given that tie Assessment;
roll for grading. .czYelins sad paving the gut
street 20 lands CT n c. r R. Co. "a tie city al
,lrsnd Rapids IS nav in ny hands, ane fhs'
| viii receive paypa~ni thereon fer the Per iod
OF twenty days from tbs date. al the Office Of
I be City Treasurer. sIly hsl-
GEORGE X. PERRY.
ian ! CITY Treasurer
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

PrarTssUss. ". v. Jan s--The rev
por-sen Il tie Clinton N Y prison
burned early Thrr< ~ Morning esus-
ins = loss q SOC 90 The Sc prison
erS ~srs sak<IE transferred = TIE old
prissa-
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
A ssEssMEyT ROLL for the construction Q

A SsESsMENT ROLL for the construction of
n a sewer in Turner street. from First street
10 Fourth street. in the city OF OrSad Rapids.
0fEIcE OF CRY tIakg
GEAAp RArIns. Mich. Nov. -. !ss0.
To-
Eiyln c. Allen. Board of Education. bern
hard Brog:er. Joseph BroggeT. VIM. b. Ben
nett. Mrs. Stephen Cool. Mary C0ye. estate of
David Garrison. Mary K. tscott. Nan Han.
Christian Heasler Nina Il. May. Jessie A. lie
PherSon. Lyman d. Norris. AEdreR PoIoSkey.
Csarlssa Rosenberg. James -. Robinson. Henry
joseph Richter. tlizs scrbnes, Iva !. scy-
mout, Elisha o. Stevens. Alclolas hchoen-
hofch. trustees ST. PauiS Memorial Church.
Trustees second street Nj. u. Church. Grand
Rapids. Mich. WhitaorIh John. Christina
WuIRbgrg.
fou are hereby notified that an assessment
Is ABOUT 10 De Made upon you 20 desray the eA-
pense of the Aforesaid improvement. an assess
ment rell has been made IN tie premises aud
Is OF nie in the clerks Once of said city. where
IL will remain open for inspection until Mon
day evening. Jan. 3. 1891. when and where
you can appear before the Common Council
on said evening and show cause. IL any. why
said assessments should net be made aud col
lecled accordin. 20 law.
". 4. SHIsKHtS.
3 City Clerk.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
CHICAGO VAC. R. al.

INe Nrkna Rapids y q , - 90 , M ~ q 3 M
arr thlrAes-.,.-.--- y IA SWIM t<o@W
Daily. t0 n fraia has Through tree aSf<
lar ear. aud II 81 ln lFslR Mssnrf sleeping
ear.
lac ca CAGE oS q N ee a m ls IN lle 10 , "a
Ar 0r'at -iss n a3rmk aepm IS . ias
4p1as. s 10 "a IRAN las d3aBs cal aud,
through Tree pafloI Sal. and le 10 y IA trAia
Wagner Ssee5sfHE Eat.
Through tickets anc fufl Information can 10
had 10y calling upoD A AliBQais.. ticket AgeHt
al uaia4, stat en- 81 a. "a Aunso0. 4 nion ticks&
agent. u Aahfof ST.. IfaHa Eanida Mich.
e J. LooseouD. cen, Pass Agent
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

rroRrt. I'll. Jan 2 While celebrating
the new year AZ sn early hour Thurs
aay morning William Luekey fred a re-
volvsr in the FACE II = boothlack. The
haI entered the nose and passed M
into The brain. producing fstal wound
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

Sealed proposals viii be received by toe View
berry Furnace Company. up - o'rlsct in the
Afternoon OF TIE 3lsf DAY Of January. 1871. for
cutting 90 lands provided. and delivery on ite
rsiirose 81 &c 80 cof1fs sf wsod n ore OF less.
sufhcieIt fer It's requirements for three years.
Specifications furnished BY
CLAUDE W. CASE
Secfetsry and Nanager
fP~hr-Tr Nfrf.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

I.cNpov. Jan. IL iispsSeh from
Shanghai announces the death cf Prince
Chun. the sather Of the emperor Of
.ALua-
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

xr~ ~ assc-s rr~a~f - srsr7es@e - Se->s
r,--sr-zss $50 as-1srrs irs<ezkssF 5sas
e7er1~ser v~~reS esr1ct rprt 49, = - ?
ver1ssse ft~er p = 49, - e7r~>-t7ns 80 Fs~rE
.-~r5es va Tte4 49, r.sF-s1F eeesst5s sr< --res
So - ~. s1tsrfe.fsr . zzr rnz-r1 Is-r- s>z7=
1880 . pssss e ee~fr tese~s - eeeree-feis-
80 $780, Tzz serrs-s r-sysstse<r~es o.sF ~
Trs scsEs :. r~fs7 <syxFAs7 CE3CAy5 H.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

Tne NIAGARA FALLs eou1

fDaiiy All others daily - s.ssst sunday
iakiu NJ eficci SUndsy. g9s a.. ltse
Sleeping cars 81 Pacific anc Atlantic Ea%
presses H. aNn srofH betrait- parioT ears raa
en- nay Il press snd ssraud Rapids Express %
2no lIofr EStf0It Direct connections made
al Detroit NiIh al through traiIs Ehst. 1Ich-
els ga sac ~ Union Ticket once. 81 Monroe
81, aud ai Jpinn depot
Part NJ fRIGcs 6en9 hg'f, - Nenroest.
O. ". EtSGIEs. g. r. end i. All. Chicago.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

Week days. sDaiiy. fi,zcept Saturday.
Q.{tu A III. las firough chAiy o2f 10 Chi
'.SV cago. ko eStfa cAar,e Ter seats.
Loo mas Tsss ,srs ss., % CO sAoss so
ccLtf.
sos F., y 4, leg 9rsas 1a'r car ss e M ,sss
10 afaXe1se Cts.
1870 i = y cl ssiia iaH has sleeper for Tras
1875 =. s ss a. as ss ~s1s TsF3ss ss pa
zHd aiso ceu8bl naficn sleeping sBf
p.Fidf ca tbfu-E1 80 Indianapolis
va b@Eful tsfbeE.
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
DETROIT. EovENeEn 9. l.,o.
LANSING s EoRTsERN Y. y

DAILY. fsFfry week Gay.
-.ls A. =. rnns throash - Detroit with par
$50 lnf ear fests. - cents. Arrive 81 New
OK le s. 3. "a
Lon =. n. runs fiifoHrh ~ Defrrif with par
A'-' ier ear saets - cents Arrive ~ hss
YORK " .. n
co. ?. N runs th1eBst r. Detroit viii parl
os-c or ear seats 2 cDnfM Arrive az New
Aork SO 70
For tickets sHe Information army ii MON
tsekef ofief 81 Mafr3e-si. srd I ntofi e4fssf
i,f8. DEbAkTN. fsen. Pass Ag't
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03

Moskexes. Grsna zsaaiss A tnatsns-
Ter Nass esen. IA : g n II y 3 sn- { - . m
ffaia Ar tle an a. D "a a. D ~
Telegram-herald., 1891-01-03
TRAIN TIME TABLES.


Trains HaSrkc( Fah sally.
D@ifx eAeSF& >a1c&S.
siSsFssS sEb RkEia4 CA sgsyznk
Merrill 81 > II frasA. paFler chair car tee
haehinaw t1tS. II - "a train. A&katf
Sleersns Gar Tor Maeklnax CHS.
eohth--e - n train has paIiaF Chair Car -
CihosDnal. 10 - a. tfSsa has fAreaEa feriar
Car tef thicSEns eE : y tTasR. wagner Steep
ins [ AZ tef Cincinnati. a - Ia laia. NsS
ncG SlscpsnE cAr fsr tnioAsls.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07
He Eyaded the DUTY.

A prominent member of the Union
league club possesses a wife whose
temper is not reminiscent of heaven.
This Union Lacquer rejoiced when he
was able to 60 to Europe recently
without his beloved spouse. He was
carefully instructed, however, that he
must not return at his peril without
new sealskin dolman, trimmed with
the handsomest Russian sable. Be-
fore embarking on the return steam
er he wrote letter to his wife dilat-
ing on the beauties of the sealskin
garment he had bought for her in
London. On the steamer he became
acquainted with a beautiful young
woman from the rapid city of Chicago
and who called herself Miss Moore.
The Union leagurer, notwithstand-
ing the fact that he was an ardent ad-
vocate of the Republican theory of
protection, thought he had struck on
beautiful scheme to eyade the pay
ment of duty on the sealskin dolman.
He proposed to Miss Moore, who was
most obliging young lady, that she
wear the sealskin off the steamer and
then return it to him at her hotel
Miss Moore was pleased ever so much
to do such slight favor IN return for
his kind attentions and informed him
that she would sojourn at the Fifth
ave. AT the dock the gentleman lost
sight of Miss Moore, but nothing
daunted, hied to the Fifth-ave. hotel
to reclaim his wife's garment. But
he found no Miss Moore at the hotel
nor at any other hotel in New York.
Frightened almost to the verge of
insanity. he repaired to the Union
league club and sought consolation in
the sympathy of his friends, with a
little reliance on strong brandy. He
did not get home for week, and then
there was scene.
His wife believes to this day that
he gave the dolman to some pretty
woman. Numerous magnificent pres
ents have failed to satisfy her, and the
gentlemen at the club only have to
mention sealskin when they wish to
drink "A bottle at the unhappy mans
expense The Evening Telegram.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07
On the Track.

So many remarkable stories are told
illustrating presence of mind that a
story may be welcome which tells of
the opposite quality-not mere forget
fulness or heedlessness, which is digni-
fed with the name of absent-minded-
ness, but the faculty of being left, in
some emergency, apparently without
any mind at all.
At recent international fair or in.
dustrial exhibition in Buffalo, there
was shown new sort of engine, which
went around and around on circu-
lar track, level with the ground.
AS the crowd stood hemming the
track, gazing at the queer locomotive
a very stout woman, who was eating
peanuts from paper bag, became
frightened by rearing horse near by
and stepped upon the track directly
in front of the moving engine. The
engineer blew his whistle, and this
scared the woman so badly that her
discretion was really frightened away.
With scream she ran frantically
along the track in front of the ap-
preaching engine, still clinging to her
bag of peanuts, and swinging it in the
air so violently that it sprung leak,
scattering the peanuts in a thin trail
behind her. She was stout, and the ef-
fort to run made her singular spec
tacle; but she was in terror of her life,
and travelled around the track at a
really good pace.
The crowd became wildly excited.
"Hooray ! hooray men shouted,
"Go it, you'll git thar first p
"Stop your engine, you'll run over
her ~ shouted an elderly gentleman,
waving his umbrella at the engineer.
as the machine went past him.
"No danger-I can't catch her, at
the rate she's going" the engineer
shouted back.
Women screamed, boys cheered and
dogs barked, and all the time the en-
gineer kept blowing his whistle
Meanwhile the stout woman had made
three wild trips entirely around the
track. Then, in her desperation, her
absent mind came back. and it occur
red to her to step off the track. She
did so, and the engine went past.
AS she came off, red in the face and
out of breath, she still grasped her
paper bag firmly. But the peanuts
were all gone.-Youth's Companion.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07
What is in a Name.

A young lady visiting in Lowell
tells good story of one of those rare
condolences that first surprise and
then almost inevitably amuse.
Her sister, who went to Colorado
for the benefit of her health, was So
journing at Manitou, and there one
day fell into conversation with a
gentleman on the piazza of the hotel.
They had not met before.
They were admiring together the
snow-clad pyramid of Pixies peak,
towering in majesty before them,
piercing the blue of the empyrean
with its shaft of glittering white.
They agreed that never before had a
more beautiful and inspiring sight
met their eyes.
81 suppose" at length remarked
the gentleman, smiling chat the
mountain has a peculiar interest to
me from the fact that my name is
Pike"
Naturally it would" returned the
lady, "and l may say that my own
enthusiasm is greatly due to the fact
that my name is Peak" and it was.-
Lowell Citizen.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07
The Doors of the Bank of England

4uo OoOIs VI Cue oduk VI GuSl lduu.
The bank of England's doors are
now 50 finely balanced that the clerk,
by pressing knob under his desk,
can close the outer doors instantly,
and they cannot be opened again ex-
cept by special process. This is done
to prevent the daring and ingenious
unemployed of the great metropolis
from robbing the famous institution.
The bullion departments of this and
other great English banking establish
ments are slightly submerged in sey-
eral feet of water by the action of the
machinery.
In some of the London banks the
bullion departments are connected
with the managers sleeping rooms,
and an entrance cannot be effected
without setting off an alarm near that
persons head.
If dishonest official, during day
or night, should take even as much as
one from pile of 1000 sovereigns,
the whole pile would Immediately
sink and pool of water take its
place, besides letting every person in
the establishment know of the theft.
Exchange.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07
Restored His Cheerfulness.

1t was in Essex street the other day
that gamin of IL found youngster
of 6 or crying on curbstone, and
when he asked what was the matter,
the latter replied
"I-I lost cent !"
"Lost a cent, eh? swell, that's
bad. Hev ye hunted all over2"
"Y-yes."
"I'd give ye cent if l had one,
but I'm broke. l amt got no gun,
fish-hooks, marbles, or string either"
The youngster began weeping
afresh.
"Say, I'll promise 10 take you to
the museum next year."
The tears increased.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

"Pll come around here with an
apple tomorrow"
Louder howls.
"Say, I've got it If you'll stop
crying Pll-I'll let you lick me-"
"You are too big" sobbed the
other.
"No, l hain't. Pm bigger'n you,
but l hain't no grit. Any boy can
lick me. Come, now"
"May I lick you :"
eyes. Now I'll get down on my
stomach, and you just pile on to me
and hammer till l holler."
He took position, and the little
ones piled on and pounded him about
the shoulders till he cried enough
And when they got up the small boy
was radiant, and exclaimed:
"Didn't l make you holler, though
Now I'll 60 home and lick my two
sisters columbus News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07
Conversation.

If people would not ask questions
without being ready to listen to the
answer, and if the person to whom the
question was addressed were allowed
to answer it himself without half a
dozen others pouncing on it at the
same moment, conversation of the
present day would be greatly improv-
ed without being one whit the less
easy. The observance of these two
rules never ask a question without
waiting for the answer, and never to
answer question addressed to some
body else without waiting to see
whether he is able to answer himself
would alone do much to add to the
pleasure, and therefore to raise the
tone, of ordinary conversation.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Stories of frugality on the part Of
summer clearinghouse keepers are
beginning to come in. A young lady
who went to New Hampshire AYERS
that she heard the mistress of the
house say to her daughter one Sunday
morning as she started out for meet
ing:
"Mary Jane. you just try that GUS
tard pie. If it's sour we'll have it for
dinner to-day If it ain't, keep it till
tomorrow !'-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

81 am perfectly delighted with my
dwelling at present. have a dining
room, a reception room, working
room, smoking room, and sleeping
room, and just think how convenient
all in one."- Fliegende Blatter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

There is no bigger fool than the
man who marries girl simply be-
cause she is pretty unless it is the
man who won't marry girl simply
because she is pretty.-Elmira Gaz-
ette
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

An exchange, in commenting Oh a
coasting accident, sagely suggests that
sliding down hill has its drawbacks. I"
Of course it does the sled has to be
drawn back after every trip. II was
always thus.-North Adams Tran
script.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

A bridegroom six feet seven inches
tall has just taken to himself bride
who measures three feet one inch.
Love me little, love me long was the
burden of their song.-Chicago Mail.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

The Sweet Gargle.--A little girl
was trying to tell her mother how
beautifully certain lady could trill
in singing, and said: "Oh, mamma !
you ought TO hear her gargle. She
does it SO weetly."-Farmington
Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Pater (severely)-My son, this is a
disgraceful condition of affairs. This
report says you are the last boy in a
class of %.
Henry-It might have been worse,
father.
Pater--I cant sec how.
Henry-There might have been
more boys in the ass.--Brooklyn
Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Not Quite the Same.-Mrs. Gibbs
II think your new house is a de.
lightful one, Mr.. Jones. Only yester-
day was telling my husband that |
thought you very level-headed man."
Johnny (interrupting)- )-"No, ma, you
didn't say quite that. You said fiat
headed. ."-Exchange.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Tested at Once. .-"No, / never carry
my watch when / go OUT she said,
artlessly. 81 am so careless that it
wouldn't be safe. Why, a person
could steal anything right from under
my nose and l wouldn't miss it,"
Then the young man stole kiss right
from under her nose and she didn't
seem to miss it.--Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Don'tjudge man by his looks. A
fast-looking man often turns out to be
slow in paying his debts.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

"Emmeline, can you keep a Sc
cret ?" he whispered hoarsely. 81
don't know. l never tried to. What
is it ?"-Philadelphia Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Caller-"Where's your father ?"
Urchin-"He's shinglin'." Caller
"The barn ?" Urchin-"No, Tom
my."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

When n woman is as good as pie
she will not make tart answers.-New
Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

GLOW is your son getting along at
school, Uncle Abe ?" mighty fine,
sab. Gittin to be gem'man mighty
fast. Ye jes orter see how he makes
fun of us two ole ignerent niger folks
when he comes home. 1t makes me
mighty proud, sab. Epoch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

An absorbing subject-A piece of
blotting paper.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Little Mamie, during her arithme-
tic lesson, recently asked her school
teacher how old she was. Said the
teacher who had already passed her
thirtieth birthday. with the naiyetc of
which ladies are sometimes capable
when confronted with awkward ques-
tions II can only say, my dear, l
have passed addition and haye enter
ed subtraction" The child looked
puzzled and the teacher smiled wise,
far-away smilo.-New York Mercury.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

Spiders are afectionate little
creatures. The females eat up their
lovers.-Ram's Horn.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

"Well, your rich uncle died, I
hear"
Yes"
II understand his estate was divid-
ed between you and your brother"
eyes. Jim got the assets and 1 got
the liabilities. es.-Munsey's Weekly.