, 1891-03-18
A BAD CASE.

Ny husband is n last convinced Of the
error Of his ways, and has implored me
to give his free and frank confession to
the world Ny husband is-or was-A
very enthusiastic man, and imagInes
that he has a fine eye for the arts Being
a lawyer, he enjoys considerable leisure
in the afternoons. and II is this that has
proved his ruin. | shall never forget his
first offense- II was very shortly after
our marriage. 1 was wondering why he
was so late for dinner when suddenly a
cab drove up to the door.
For one ome | fancied that it must
be his mother wives nave their mothers
in-law as well as husbandsl Imagine
my astonishment when ont jumps my
husband, with a guilty j%auntinsss Of
demeanor, presents the cabby with five
shillings q noted this extravaganza my
self from the window. and is followed
by that functionary, staggering under
an burden, swathed in brown
holland. mp the steps The usual loafer
rushes forward and a fresh gratuity is
distributed. to the horror OF my econom-
real mind At last the thing-apparent-
ly a miniature OF the great pyramid-is
AEHGaANEA ~ baA ma AA1AA win a AtnO
nant bang, and its bearers depart
What on earth makes you so very I'M
puuctual. dear? The soup will be quite
spoiled. And what, in heavens name,
Is thisy'
Il thought you'd like It, darling dhis
with a nervous fushl It's the most
wonderful bargain. and it would nave
been really wicked 70 have let it slip
H.. Efe-.N-.l.. - IL.
see It for yourself"
The mummy like bandages were NJ
last removed. and what do you think /
beheldl An enormous rusty, musty
dusty and hideous clocki
Yes, q" he continued, "a real, antique.
ElAzabethan musical clock II plays six
tunes or the period. and, what's more.
loos At the initials craven on the face
w S I've very little doubt that II
ouce belonged to Shakespeare himself
who was very fond Of mechanical inyen-
uOnA shall have, Of course, TO have it
repaired and done up. and then it win
look splendid in the dining room"
lie quite took my breath away; I
could only calculate, Where on earth
did you pick it up, and what did you
pay for it,"
AT the sale of an old house, Every
one said 1t wal r~idiculously cheap, and
that they'd have given twice as much
If only they had known Just think,
only n hundred doIlarsl Why, | could
get Two hundred for It any day
White elephants were nothing 10 this
disgusting "horologe," as 1 found it de
scrbed in the catalogue l. cost twenty
dollars to put right. and then 1t smashed
twenty dollars worth OF things in being
fixed up It sometimes played its mis-
cradle SO called tunes So rapidly that
you had to stuff your fingers in your
ears, at others, it emitted "A spasmodic
and raven like croak that was positively
alarming
At last thank heaven, It stopped
never TO go again, and | firmly re-
solved that not one penny more should
be spent in doing it taud u.s. up" Add
10 this that ! subsequently discovered a
Geneva makers name inside ! could
wish that / had been more stern on this
first occasion. but | was weak, like too
many young wives, and was satisfied
with a scoldiuE. The result was that we
gradually became deluEed with the most
miserable miscellany Of ubhishy bric-a-
brac, damaged furniture, dubious pict-
ures, and, in a word, the refuse Of the
auction room
To believe my husband. we were the
proud possessors Of Cromwells bat, By
ron's toothbrush. one Of Sheridan's 10
Us. a curl Of Marie A~ntoiuette's, a Ru-
beus, a Rembrandt, a George Morland
q believe this latter Is the evil genius of
the Picker up and a whole roomful of
split and useless "ChippendaleT and
Sheraton" etc. And all had been &C
quired AZ sales which had a history
At an absurd sacrifice, and to the ad-
miration Of the disappointed bystanders
1 saw that the tiendish habit was gradu-
ally growing upon him. like drink or
gaming hope know my duty | re-
solved TO protect myself aud him, and.
after an awful scene ensuing on his &C
QUESTION Of an infected sedan chair, lex
acted from him a solemn pledge to give
up this pernicious hanit once and for.
ever
But | was inexperienced; / should have
known the male mind better. Deferred
from the open pursuit Of his uefarious
designs. he determined to smuEgle his
purchases IN secretly. / had observed him
lingering somewhat suspiciously over
the auction advertisements Of the dailies.
\ | noticed also that his coat pockets
0aIEed out cuHously on his nightly re
turn One day had occasion TO udy
As a good wife should periodically do
the escrtOlre OF MS dressing room. What
do y0u think I found The drawers
the pigeon holes, the InteTsuces even,
were literally crammed with heaps Of
cracked and furnished rufa-PJuncet
ooEes suaueIei knife handles. embossed
watch ca=s. pocket nsvolysu and the
ike.
was hUThed Il was too true. de
Earred - the dr~aI Of discovery from
picking up Dig things he had re~ortz5
andsr a miserable subterfuEa Pm