Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-01-04
DRUMMERS' STORIES.
A COLLECTION or ANECDOTES, ALL
or THEM TRUSTWORTHY,
Contributed By Gentlemen Who Travel
Observations of Life and Character
Yarns which Will Raise . Laugh.

Yarns Which VIII Raise Ahuk"'
- r
| A jolly party of drummars was grouped
about the lobby Of the Palmer-House in
Chicago last week. They smoked imported
cigars at the expense of their respective
firms and snapped stories about the big
bills they had sold.
"Not long ago." began clothing drum
mer with truthful eye and candid glance
II went to wichita 10 show my samplesto
n we'll known house. II was good con-
Germ. but prices had to be ck-bottom TO
| tempt them. When I struck the town
found crane on the door-knob OF the store,
and card announced that Mr.. n. the
senior member of the firm. was dead You
bet was sorry. especially as l haa cIm PM,
sixty miles to see MIR. e. rang TIE peu
! 20 Offer NV coincidence. and Mr.. X. Jr.,
| brother of the defunct, answered my sum-
| mons. After expressing my regrets az tne
az suppose you'll not feel like looking
at my samples under the present circum-
"well. don't know; have you any
| thing real cheap
"'Rather. The biggest bargains ever
offered
"The bereaved brother wiped away g
tear and seemed lost in thought. l need
| a few suits he said, bat / can't go TO the
| hotel. The funeral don't come OF before
! 4 O'clock. If YOU will bring your trunks
in here before noon I'll look at your stun.
| brought my trunks into his place and
began to display my merchandise, In one
corner of the dingy store stood the CONN
containing the calm and wax-ike remains
of the deceased We spoke in Whispers SO
/ tha enlamnffV or the
| scene. Unfortunately my prices were not
low enough to tempt Mr.. X. in his present
sad state of mind. Too deari was his
| inyariable comment, no matter now close
| / shaved the figures. | was in despair, for
i saw the coveted order slip through my
fingers. / determined upon stroke OF
diplomacy. u;s,,a.ax so,rs,
suits p / asked.
"'That depends How much1'
"Now the current price for these suits
was $3.50. Here was my opportunity.
al am prepared to offer you the genuine
fIannels at SIS q suit replied.
1.-THE effect was magical. Instantly the
corpse sat up in its coffin and stared at inc
with its CLASSY eyes.
"'TIl take all you've gotl' cried the
cadaver, and sank back to its sleep Of
death"
| MILD hhJOlNDbhs
A death-like calm succeeded this sad
story. Then notion salesman took the
floor. .,.,
began. last year called on q new con,
Germ in Omaha and by dint OF unlimited
treating to high-price cigars and drinks
managed to sell the proprietor bill OF
underwear. There was barely IL per cent
profit in it. The bill was promptly paid
| but instead of the. customary z per cent
Mr.. L. had deducted 10 per cent. discount
He wrote short note, as follows:. ,.,
Gents: Enclosed find my check for nil
of the 18th, less 10 per cent. Hoping tni'
is satisfactory, L am ditto, ditto, ditto
Yours, etc.
"Some strong invectives were uset
when this letter was opened by my firm
lint II was a first bill and Omaha was Ions
way of. so we determined to say nothing
Last week called on Mr.. l.. again and sol,
him another bill. Look here SAID
when we talked of dating, last time yo'
deducted 10 per cent. If you take of NOR
than per cent. il future; back goes VOC
checkP Mr.; L. appeared satisfied sahe =, 70,
mean by writing ditto at the end OF you
"pll tell you in confidence said M
T.. Il knew when your firm received NJ
check they would do some tall swearip,
and would consign me to the interni.
regions; SO | Just put in ditto, ditto
ditto, US O mild reioinder."
HE GOT THE ORDER.
Zone of the most difficult things TO gel
ia whiskey," put in salesman OF tn
commodity. There was man in Pitiy
burgh on whom | had my eye for year
, but ] could never sell TO him. lie inyariit
bly had q good excuse to put Ine on.
, called on him one day last week, JoI
drink. Il came to sell you some whiske,
You remember you promised to buy froai
: me on my next trip,
Indeed should like to- was the II:
innder. but Pve Just received twen:l
barrels and my celler is chuck-tuli.'
"'Well, buy a few barrels more,
pleaded; 'you can always find room 10
say five barrels
10 buy from me, but his cellar wouio no
hold another keg.
- If / had the room,' he said, I'D Civ
YOU an order quicker'n lightning
at was seized by q sudden inspiration.
went ont. hunted up q real estate egenl
and rented cellar for year. Then too
"'Sow, old man. said, you've got al
the room you want. I'm ready for you
order got 1t, too"
TALL LYING.
"Thero are tricks in all trades remarf
ed the clothing drummer. Last Saturda
spent in indianapolis, and with an eye I
future orders made myself useful at tn
clothing store of one of my customers. A
old Irish woman came in, leading tai
oyergrown lad of sixteen. :,
I'D loike shoot for me boy she sale
something purity an not too DEAR
: Something tor about STOP suggeste
the salesman. -,
a. Whist, now do yez take me for Wan
derbilt? Oi'll not spend more nor 50. al
the lad a-growin' livery day.
Madam, have Just. the thing. Las
week we got in some real Irish lmporte
; suits. / have one left, and if 1T fits I'll lie
!, you have it for 49,
"The suit was produced, PLAID, pei
! green satinette, which had been IN stoc
for well-nigh twelve years. With the el
ception of being too short in the arms an
legs ii was beautiful INT.
"'Oi loike The color av that SAID IN
lady after inspection. but Ohm afe II
the moths'll be after gittin' into the stu
and eatin' it for me-
a. No danger of that, ma'am,' answere
: the clerk. IF any moths get into tina
suit they'll starve TO death, Tor tnere an
enough wool in that suit TO keep an able
,, bodied moth alive. Besides, this gree
coloring is Parls-gTeen and is warranted
Kill any moth that gets near It.
"Then Oi'll take the suit, and she wen
on her way rejoicing"
KEEPTsa MOTHS.
Talking about MOTHS, said the ha
. drummer reminds me of the story the
tell of XIV Solomon at Bowling Green. On
day a colored gentleman entered his stor
in great excitement.
Look hyar. boss he cried, dis yer
} brown triangle suit done boht OBJ yo' lai
week amt no good nohow. 1t am chuc
: full OBJ mothsp
lyon didn't bought dat diagonal sal
. from me- replied Ky, after surveying tn
. suit. Il don't keep my moths in my diagc
! nal suits, keep dem ia my cardigan jack
ets. Mr.. Sloane down de shtreet keeps hi
7 moths in his diagonal suits. You mus
!, have bot dat suit at his shtore. Every
. body knows his own bishness BEST"
TO TIE PACT.
"Ishould like to contribute, my tale,
. said a coffin drummer :" used to be