The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-11-27
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Yo Worthy Scribe Engages in Some War
like Demonstrations.

ceived word that man had appeared
in Gulchtown soliciting subscriptions to
the Kicker and claiming to be our agri-
cultural editor. This trick has been
played on US half dozen times within
year. And when we heard of this
chap we mounted our mule and can
tered over to interview him We found
him just as he had bagged his eleventh
subscriber and was ready to get out.
What followed may not be recorded
in future history, but it was lively while
it lasted.
The bold-faced imposter was of
pounds, and had been eating limburger
cheese. He, therefore, had shade the
best of it on the go-off, but we rounded
him up after getting our second wind,
and he won't travel on our shape here
after. He's got through taking sub
scriptions for us, and six months hence,
when able to crawl out again, he'll
probably look for honest work. We
employ no travelling agents, give away
no chromos, and we don't take stomach
bitters in payment for advertising.
COLD FACrs.-We notice that our es-
teemcd contemporary is advertising for
political editor, ''one thoroughly
posted on the politics of the day" To
such one he promises a steady situa-
ton at good pay. We dearly love the
old mossback who claims to own and
publish the alleged weekly down the
street, but when he attempts to deceive
the public we feel it our duty to STATE a
few cold facts.
In the first place he has only three
hundred and thirty-one subscribers.
Secondly, our people don't care a cop
per for politics Thirdly, he has to pay
his hands in store orders, and his politi.
cal editor would starve to death in two
weeks. He got young man from Bos
ton out there one summer, borrowed
the three dollars he had left, stole his
suspenders, embezzled his white shirt,
and then discharged him. The lone
some appearance of that young and con-
fiding man as he started on his two
thousand mile walk will never be eff
faced from our memory.
Told HIM So-Nearly three months
ago we told Judge Wake field, who
dropped in here from Missouri that he
hadn't struck the right town and ought
to keep walking. We didn't feel hard
because he didn't subscribe for the
Kicker, but the way he wore his elbows
out on the various bars and his firm at
titude before free-lunch counters was
"agin him." He also made himself
very disagrceable in other ways, and
our advice was given in a brotherly
way. He refused to heed it, however,
and the other night the boys put rope
neclltie on him and pulled him up and
let him down until he expressed the
greatest willingness to move on. He
will probably have a sore throat all
winter, but he can console himself that
it is no worse.
We watch things pretty closely in
this town, and we never fail to catch
the drift of public opinion. When we
come out in loaded BREWER and advise a
man to look for another pasture there's
nothing funny about it. It's a very
serious business, and the rope is hang
ing on peg behind us.
An. THERE. CoLoNEL.-Last week we
had something to say about Col Jim
Crocl1er, who is Furnishing big stock
of poor whisky while waiting to be
nominated for some political office.
The colonel believes in pap" He's
always lived on it, and he'd starve
without it. We simply asked our read
ers if he was honest, capable, and 50
on, and the colonel got rilei over il.
There's no doubt in our mind that he
got Hank Scott, the half-breed, tight,
and then gave him lleg of powder to
blow up the Kicker Office. We have it
from a man who overheard part of
the conversation. Hank was willing
enough to blow us sky high, for we've
had his left ear among our office relics
for the last year. The trouble, how
ever, was that he was too drunk to car
ry out the programme, and in fooling
around with the powder he brought
about an explosion on the vacant lot
next west OF our Office, and sailed way
to the unknown land in sections and
fragments.
What we could find of Hank we buried
next day at our own expense, and we
don't feel particularly hard against the
colonel. We shan't go looking for him
especially, but if We should happen to
run across him some day while we feel
absent-minded we shall very likely
gather him in and mark his tombstone
No. II in our private graveyard. - M.
Quad, in N. Y. World