The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1891-10-03

gin with constipation, or the cloggIng up OF the
| sideways, through which the impurities of the
blood escape so that they are re-absorbed! into
the system The Purgative Pellets act gently
| but thoroughly upon the stomach and liver, and
| are the best laxative known. Without racking
aud straining the organs, they open the bowels
| and restore natural, healthy digestion. IN
equalled In dyspepsia, constipation, biliousness,
| piles or any of the resulting diseases.
young lawyer, who had recently been admit
ted to the bar of New York, came to Judge Cow
ing for advice.
II want to ask your advice, judge, about a very
important matter"
swell, what is it?,
"Lawyer Hall has been telling everybody that
Lar am "a donkey Key Don't you think ought to fight
You say he called you donkey?"
"Then fight him by all means. Ifyou sue him
| he viii prove 1t on you."-Texas Siftings.
Ayers Sarsaparilla, sending the brain pure
blood, makes sound both mind and body.
As Good as Dead.
Bixby-I wonder what Mrs. Outoslght will do
| with her husbands life insurance
| Mrs. Bixby-Why, when did he die? FL
BiXby-Weli, he isn't exactly dead yet. but he
| takes part In balloon ascension on Monday
| Llnla lO.) NEWS.
In case OF sudden colds, aud for coughs of long
standing, take Ayers Cherry Pectoral.
Teacher Of Physiology-Now we will dissect
this odd little animal. But first Jimmy Phalig,
Will you tell me what we have here?
Jimmy-Faith and it's called a bat, sir.
Ieacher-Very well. Now, how many kinds Of
Jimmy-Faith, there are foive. The black bat
the red bat, the acrobat, the baseball bat, and
the brick bat, sir
If your hair comes out or is gray, stop it with
Halls Hair Remover.
The Result of Training.
"This, ladies and gentleman, is the celebrated
trick mule, Dot" said the clown, as the animal
was being led into the ring.
After many years Of effort am able to say 1
can make him do anything that he wants to-"
Their gentle action and good effect on
the system really make them perfect little pill.
| They please those who use them. Carter's Little
Liver Pills may well be termed Perfection"
Boston Girl with enthusiasm)- is your
| opinion of Ibsen. Mr.. Cahokia? Isn't he grand,
wonderful sublime?"
st. Louis Young Man (taken at some disadvan-
tage, but rallying in good shape)-He's a corker,
MISS HowJames. What-er-cub is he pitching
for now?-Chicago Tribune.
After using Ely's Cream Balm two months
was surp rsed TO find that the right nostril which
was closed for over twenty years, was opeu and
free as the other, and can use it now as could
not do for many years. 1 feel very thankful.-R.
ii. Cressengham, 276 18th ST., Brooklyn.
Swayback-Hello, Jaysmith, what did that hat
cost you?
Jaysmith-I gave the clerk five dollar note for
that hat.
swayback Qncredulously) -Whatl
Jaysmith-And he gave me back four dollars in
change.-Pittsburg Chroniele-Telegraph.
Ihave been great sufferer from dry catarrh
for many years, and tried many remedies, but
none did me so much benefit as Ely's Cream
Balm. 1t completely cured MEN,. j. Lally,
Woodward Ave-, Boston Highlands, Mass
professional Courtesy.
Two doctors met on the street.
81 feel sorry for you. You ought not to be out
this kind OF weather. You are a sick man." said
DR.. Blister.
II am feeling very WELL" replied DIR. Soon
over.
"What doctor is treating you?"
81 am prescribing for myself "
"YOn should not DO that. You are liable to
be arrested for attempted sucide."-Texas Silt
ings
No one knows better than those who
have used Carriers Little Liver pills what relief
they have given when taken for dyspepsia. dizzi-
ness, pain in the side, constipation, and disordered
stomach.
AID Unlookedfor Danger.
Captain Loyelace-How is Miss Maldermare
this morning, Miss Katie?
miss M. is Miss KS chaperone, chosen for her
habit of invariably and of necessity remaining be-
low when she goes to seal.
Miss Katie-Pm afraid SHE'S little better this
morning.
Captain Lovelace-By Jovei-Detroit Free
Press.