Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-05-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Comes high, but we must have 1.-THE
sun.-LJe..
A dead heat must be the kind that is
used in crematory. y.-Bu6a1o Erpress.
A woman can say more with few
tears than'a man can express in book
RAMS Horn.
"Was Byron a club mani" "Not all
through. He had club foot only."-
Munsey's Weekly.
People are like base drums, the thin
ner their heads the more noise they
make Washington Star.
When man has run his race in this
world and the end comes he is out of
breath.-No,o Orleans Picayune.
Every one admires a man of push, but
nobody wants to be the person pushed
aside by the man.-iSt. Joseph Ne,os.
Up goes the price of horses board.
Every bit that goes into your horses
mouth must be paid for Boston Tran
script.
De Jones-.I say, Van Brown, how is
it that you are always out when call9'
Van Brown-"Oh, just luck. boston
Gazette.
Professor-"Gentleme the air is
substance which we cannot see, but it is
by no means so sim Die substance as it
looks F2iegeade Blaetter.
Head of Firm (angrily)-"Who is that
smoking in the office2" Bookkeeper-
'The office-boy, SIR" Head of Firm
"Oh, all right. thought it was one of
the clerks. Brooklyn Life.
From speech: "Gentlemen, we have
great cause for rejoicing that this stone
which has so long weighed upon our
hearts has been finally removed from our
necks. Fliegende Blaetter.
Rose (on the divan)-sI think I'll say
yes. 1t is better to marry man you
respect than one you adore" Dolly
"But it's so much easier to love men
than to respect them. Life.
Miss Physics-''Dear Mr.. Physiology,
you remind me of barometer that is
filled with nothing in its upper story"
Mr.. Physiology:-.'You occupy my upper
story, my dear Miss Physics. ."-Rochester
1alisman.
A household journal says: "The
toothsome mince pie has quito a pedi-
gree" We knew there was something
in it mighty hard to digest, but never
once suspected it was pedigree.
ristoon Herald.
"Amelia, darling" eyes, Arthur
"You know we are soon to be married"
"Yes." "And we should learn to be
economical in small things" eyes"
"Hadn't you better turn down the gas"
Spare Moments.
81 have always taken pleasure in your
presence, she said, as they were parting
as friends and nothing more. ''I beg
your pardon" he said, reflectively, "but
would you mind spelling that last word2"
- Washington Post.
HWhat's this report about Smithers
sending an internal machine to you,
Bronson9" ''It's perfectly true. He
didn't send it to me, though. He sent
it to my boy. 1t music box that plays
white Wings. '"--New York Herald
With trembling voice. though ardent look,
He family asked her could she cook.
She owned she could, and, bolder grown,
He asked her if she'd be his own
'Indeedp said she, with her nose a curl;
II suppose you were wanting hired girl"
Indianapolis Journal
Dapper-"What is the greatest lie,
Snapper, that ever impressed itself on
your experienced" Snapper-"Well, by
all odds, the worst lie ever heard was
the one your quartette perpetrated last
night when they came around to the
house and sang There's music in the
air. '"-Boston Courier.
MADAM" said the tramp, ~ was
told by the woman who lives next door
that if / would call here charitable
lady would donate to deserving way
farer some scraps of fried liver left over
from breakfast" s'She said that, did
she, the mean, good for nothingl" ex-
claimed the woman. .sFried live,, in
deed Come inside, my good man, ard.
I'll cook you the best porterhouse steak
you ever ate. "-New York Herald.