Connecticut western news., 1891-04-08

streets at nlte and go home to Betsy Jane smellin of coal ile and gin, in the mornin. l should go to the Poles arly. 1 should stay there all day. Ishould see to it that my nabers was thar. l should git car riges to take the kripples. the inirm and the indignant thar. Ishould be on guard agin frauds and sich. l should be on the look out for the infamus lise of the enemy, got up jest be4 elecshun for per Gtical effeck.
 When all was over and my candydate was elected, should move heving 6 erth-eo to speak-untl l got orfce, which if l didn't git or6ce l should turn round and abooze the Administra- tion with all my mite and maine. But I'm not in the bisness. I'm in a far more respectful bisniss nor what pollertics Is. wouldn't giv two cents to be Con- Rreeeer. The wuss insult ever received was when sertin citizens of Baldinsville axed me to run fur the legislator. Sez I, My friends, dostest think I'd stoop to that therey" They turned as white as sheet. spoke in my most orfullest tones. 6 they knowd wasn't to he tri- led with. They slunked out of site to onct.
 There4, havin no politics. made bold to visit Ole Abe at his humstid in Spring. field. found the old feller in his par. Ter, surrounded by a perfeck swarm of orfice seekers. Knowin he had been capting of ,l flat boat on the roarin Mis-. sissippy I thought I'd address him in sailor lingo. so sez 1. "Old Abe. ahoyl | Let out yer main-suls. reef hum the fore castle & throw yer jibpoop overheard. Shiver my ti1nbers. my heartyr N. B. | This is ginuine mariner langwidge. know, becawz I've seen sailor plays acted out by them New York theater fellers. ] | Old Abe lockt up quite cross & sez, Send in yer petition by 6 by. can't possibly look at it now. Indeed. can't It's impossible. sir!''
 'Mr. Linkin, who do you spect airr sed I.
 "A orfce-seeker. to be sure." sed he. Wall, sir" sed I, ''you's never more mistaken in your life. You hain't gut . orfiss I'd take under no circumstances I'm A. Ward. Wax fggers is my per feshun. I'm the father of Twins, and they look like me-both of tlen,. cum
 
 eleck of the United States. If so be you wants to see me. say so-if not. say SO & I'm orf like jug handle" "Mr. Ward, sit down. l am glad to see you. Sir"
 "Repose in Abraham's Buzzumy' sed one of the orfce seekers. his idee bein to | git off goak at my expense. "Wall." sez 1, ''ef you fellers repose in that there Buzzum thare'n be mity poor | nussin for sum of your whereupon Old | Abe buttoned his weskit clear up and blusht like maidin of sweet 16. Jest at this pint of the conversation another | swarm of orfice seekers arrove & cum | pilin into the parler. Sum wanted post | offices, sum wanted collectorships, sum | wantid turin missions, and all wanted sumthin. thought Old Abe would go crazy. He hadn't more than had time to shake hands with 'em, before another tremenjis crowd cum porein onto his premises. His house and dooryard was now perfeckly overfowed with orfce seekers, all clameruss for immejit in- terview with Old Abe. One man from | Ohio, who had about seven inches of corn whisky into him. mistook me for | Old Abe and addrest me as ''The Pra- hayrie Flower of the Westr Thinks l you want of1iss pretty bad. Anothor man with gold heded cane and a red nose told Old Abe he was seckind Washington 6 the Pride of the Bound liss West"
 Sez 1, Square, you wouldn't take 8 small post-of1iss if you could git it, would | you?'
 Sez he. "a patrit is abuv them things sir!''
 There's putty big crop of patrits this season, aint there. Squirrel" sez 1, when another crowd of offiss seekers pored in. The house, door yard, barn & woodshed was now all full, and when another crowd cum told 'em not to go away for want of room as the hog pen was still empty. One patrit from a small town in Michigan went up on top the house. got into the chimney and slid down into the parler where Old Abe was endevering to keep the hungry pack Of orfce seekers from chawin him up alive without benefit of clergy. The mint he reached the fireplace he jumpt up, brusht the soot out of his eyes, and yelled: Don't make eny ointment at the Spunkville postoftiss till you've read my papers. All the respectful men in our town is signers to that there docky- ment!"
 "Good Godr' cried Old Abe, "they cum upon me from the slize-down tho ehimneys, and from the bowels of tAs | yearthl" He hadn't more'n got them words out ot his delikit mouth before two fat of1iss seekers from Wisconsin, in endeverin to crawl atween his legs for the purpuss of applyin for the tollgate- ship at Milwawky, upsot the President eleck, and he would hev gone sprawlin into the fire place if hadn't caught him in these arms. But l hadn't more'n stood him up strate before another man cum crashin down the chimney. his head strikin me vilently agin the inards and prostratin my voluptoous form onto the floor. "Mr. Linkin," shouted the infat- coated being. my papers is signed by every clergyman in our town, and like wise the skoolmaster!'
 ''Sez l, ''you egrejis ass." gittin up & bfushin the dust from my eyes, .'ru bones. if you don't be little moro keer- ful how you make my bread basket depot in the futer How do you ike that air perfumery?' sez I. shuving my fist under his nose "Them's the kind of papers I'll give youl Them's tho papers you want!"
 ''But 1 workt hard for tho ticket; toiled night and day! The patrit should be rewardedv'
 1 "Virtoo," sed 1. holdin' the infatoo- ated man by the coat collar, ''virtoo,