The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-01
Mr.. Bilkins IS Loaded to the Muzzie--Ee
Says, GIVE me Information
or Give me Death"
Hello. LIr. DcVii.'

OnCI6 Jerry httNA = NF'NiIC " pa
ment was doing its best to flood the
country last week Ono morning when
the above call came.
BIS that teller what chaws ter
hacker and looks vulgar erOund!'
R.-"Yes; I am always here if any
thing should happen"
B.-"That is rite. Hitch this ere
thing onto Captain Ashe, I want ter
ask him erbout a bushel of questions.
R.-"AI right, Uncle Zeke, the CON
nection is made"
B.-'Look a-here, is there eny dan
ger of ne catchin' the runnin' fever
from the editors Of the NewS and o.
S6rCer5'
R.-sNot a bit. They have been
caught up with a good many times,
but no disease or fever has been dis
covered. Il is supposed that they are
bomb-proof SO far as diseases are CON
cerned,"
BAH right, 1 will risk it enyhow,
for l like them and want to get a load
of information." Hello, Capt. Ashe,
Hello"
(Voice) Hello. who is thatl'
B.-"My mann is Blkins. Who is
that"
(No answer.)
B.-"Hello! Cap. Have yer tainted!
| don't hear from you any more. Say,
Cap, what about them letters from
the two Milwaukee reporters: Betsy
says she just knows for a fack that
you are too much of a gentleman not
to publish them. Ne and Betsy are
mighty anxious. What about them,
Cap!'
Capt. A,-"An right, Mr., Bilkins. l
have always been a warm friend to the
farmers, and the NeUrs and Observer
has proved it's feaIty to the Democratic
party for many years. 1t has"
B.-"Hold on, Cap. You just sing
that song next week. I want inferma-
ton an I am goin' to have it or have
DEATH
Capt. AGO ahead then. My feel
ings are with the farmer
B.-"Blast your feelms'. Havn't l
bin readin' the Ners and Observer fur
years. Betsy justthinks we don't need
to go to preachin' nor nothin' when we
get the paper from the postoffice Of a
Saturday. When you sent us that cir
cler Stain that the Sub-Treasury and
the Farmers Alliance would have your
undyin' devotion last year, we felt
nifty proud. But Betsy says you have
'dickered. How about that, Cap?'
Capt. A.-'YOu may say to Mrs. Bill
kins that she is mistaken. I was for
the Sub Treasury because the farmers
wanted it, but [ knew it was wrong.
Some Of the leading men said 50 and it
was thought best for our party that we
turn guns loose on it and demolish
the structure"
B.-"Say, Cap, you talk nifty nice.
Have you demolished her YETI"
Capt. A.-'No, not exactly, but we
are going to persevere. We do not
choose to discuss the measure itself,
but hope in time to weaken the bill by
assailing the prominent men in the AL
lance"
B.-"Why don't yer discuss the
measure, Captain?"
Capt. A.-"Well, it would be con-
trary to good politics. The Sub-Treas-
ury would not be a bad thing, but we
don't want the farmers to know that
they have found a remedy themselves.
That would be an admission that we
don't care to make
B.-"Say, Cap, it sorter looks to me
like it would be good politics to go for
the best thing, no matter who invented
it. You admit yourself that the farm
r are needin' help bad"
Capt. A.-"Well you see, my friend,
the great paramount issue in this coun-
try is a reduction of the tariff and the
abolition of the internal revenue law.
Why on every wool hat you buy you
have to pay a tax of so per cent. of it's
value"
B.-"Hold up there, Cap. I've hearn
that old song ever since 1 was knee
high to a grasshopper, and blamed if
the country amt gittin' worse and
worse. The reduction called for last
election was Z per cent. Me an Betsy
fgered it out an we concluded that the
whole thing wouldn't be more'n enough
to buy every woman a caliker dress.
What in the dickens is the use to spend