Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-04-04


light, but expressed . desire for a gun or
cannon or q howitzer or some other death
dealing machine with which he was confident
he could annihilats the sparrows. He then
came down to the little girls level and pro-
ceeded to make fun Of her for supposing spar
rows could be caught by sprinkling salt on
their tails.
Don't you see, goosie?' he said. Don't you
see? II you get near enough to the sparrow to
put salt on his tail you are near enough to
catch him anyhow. You are girl and girls
don't know much. but you amt such goose
as not to zee that Don't you ses9 It's joke,
goosie!''
NO" said the little girl, 81 carnt see it At
oil, and don't like jokes. so there"
From the way in which she pronounced the
word can't il was evident that she was either
the daughter Of an Engiishman or Of an Anglo
maniac, but from the fact that she was averse
to jokes it was argued that she belonged to
John Bulls own little island
COMMON ooNUNpRUM.
Why is it that English people can't under
stand Jokes? They are not always stupid and
they are fond Of enjoying themselves, but
where an American sees a capital joke and goes
into fits Of laughter the Englishman sits grave
as preacher.
Here's an account Of a single accident"
said an American at the club, reading his paper.
| to an English acquaintance. "a man sat on q
buzz saw accidentally and was killed. They
buried both OF him in the same grave, sup
pose"
"Ah! both Of him? Hows ,hat2" said the
other solemnly.
You can't put head and brains into brass
door knob, as Mr.. F.'s aunt picturesquely ex-
pressed it in Little Dorrit." and you can't
make the ordinary Englishman grasp such an
extremely American joke as the one just given.
The late Gen. Robt. C. Schenck used to tell
story showing the English girls to be as OBJ
fuse as the men. He was going down the
Mersey river with party and the turbid
waters of the stream prompted him to let loose
to his companion, who was young duchess,
that ancient witticism that is generally supposed
to have been original under similar circum-
stances with Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe.
Looking down at the yellow river he re-
| marked:
The quality Of Mersey is not strained
isn't it?' said the duchess.
| WRONGLY CREDITED JOKES.
1t was an observance Of Max o Rel when he
came to this country that any good witticism
that happened to be running at large WAS at
tributed either to Mr.. Chauucey Depew or to
| Mark Twain. 1t is doubtless true that many
| good things have been attributed to these cele-
brated wits that they never said, but at the
same time they have said many good things
| that have been accredited to Others, and still
more good things that have never got out at
all. Here is good joke that has sometimes
|
ity happened to certain distinguished lawyer
in New York who is as yet. mere amateur
| wit.
He was sitting in his office writing when
| visitor walked in.
Il am My smith," said the visitor.
''Oh. yes" said the lawyer and went on
| writing.
Il am Mr.. Smith of Brooklyn" said the Wis
itor more pOmpously.
'Oh. then, take chair" and the lawyer
| opened letters
Il am Mr.. Smith Of Brooklyn, Alderman
Smiths son." said the visitor loudly.
Then, in heavens name, man, take two
| chairs ~
II the visitor had been an Englishman he
would doubtless have remarked upon the un-
reasonableness Of the invitation.
NEW ESGLIsHMAN STORY.
Here is an Englishman story that has hitherto
escaped publication. 1t happened when an
English delegation came over here a few years
ago on a diplomatic errand that they were
given dinner party at Delmonico's, and when
| the speechmaking began an American who is a
tremendously funny fellow got up and began
to banter the visitors. saying they had come
| over to get the best Of the Yankees. but would
| end by getting hunks of oak instead of hams,
and on, until the whole dinner table was in
commissions Of merriment. One Englishman.
however, peer of his realm, sat grave and
| solemn. and when the American had finished
| felt called upon to expostulate.
He thought the gentleman had been severe
not to say uni ust-to his fellow countrymen.
| They wished to be fair, but what was there for
| them to dof
Here an America, sitting near by lost patience
| and cried out:
''Oh get steam drilln'
''ly neghbOr here" went or the English
man, suggests that we get steam drill? Now
what would you do with a steam drill?"
Here the laughter was SO uproarious that
| somebody pulled his lordship's coat tails and
made him ait down and he never, to this day,
has been able to understand why everybody
| laughed what was the sense of getting q
| steam drill.
CHARLES LAMBS BAPTISM.
What Mark Twain and Chauncey Depew are
to Us nowadays Charles Lamb was to English
people in his day, with this difference. how
| ever, that Charles Lamb never made speeches
! or delivered lectures and for the very good
| reason that he suffered SO badly that 1t was
difficult for him even to talk and when he be-
| came excited his suffering became really very
bad indeed. An American, who has Just re-
| turned from London, tells how he attempted
| to tell an English woman good Charles Lamb
joke and got squelched for his pains. The lady
| spoke of immersion baptisms and the American
asked her if she had ever heard of poor old
Charles Lambs experience. She hadnt SO be
told her about it with all the dramatic effect OF
! which he was capable.
1t appears that Charles Lamb went to witness
I
| experience he stammered out to the officiating
| duckers:
"Du-du-duck mer' and they ducked him,
and brought him up suffering and gasping
for breath.
'Du-du-du-duck me, "he said again, and again
they put him under.
'Du-du-duck me-" and for the third time
he was dipped, being brought up more dead
than alive. Then he succeeded in getting out
the whole sentence.
"I-I mean du-du-du-duck me only oncer'
The English lady heard tho story with grave
face and when the American had finished Sc
renely inquired:
"And did the gentleman recover?''
| The gentleman who told the story never did
recover. but vows that nothing on earth will
ever tempt him to tell funny story to an Eng
lish woman again.
| Boer C0urtahip.
Prom the Irish Times
Boer courtships are carried on in this wise:
The swain rides up to the house Of his chosen
fair dressed in his best toggery and well
mounted; and having obtained permission from
her parents, when the family retires to rest
often in the same apartment-sits up (op-sits)
with his inamorita. SO long - the candle with
which he ia furnished burns, 90 long may be his
tale Of love unfold. When u burns out they