davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Cute Mr.. LO

Ex-Gov. J. Sterling Morton, OF
Nebraska, was telling some Indian
stories at the capital the other day,
apropOs ofthe present troubles in South
Dakota and Nebraska.
''The Indian" said he, "has an idea
that the white man lives in luxury off
the work of others, and yet the agents
in the Northwest are constantly telling
him that the white man gets his living
by labor. One of our agents lectured
old Spotted Tail very roughly for the
idleness of his people. He told the
old warrior that the white man got his
fine clothes, elegant home and choice
victuals by hard work; that the white
man worked from morning till night in
the field, Office or shop. Old Spet
listened with great profoundness till
the agent was done, then said that
that he had heard something like that
from the other agents, but nothing had
ever SO deeply moved him. The advice
had gone deep into his heart and
wrought great conviction. 1 am con-
vinced that what gu say is true,' said
the old chief, and [ shall advise nv
people to 60 to work. But we must
have tools with which to work. We
want the Great Father at Washington
to send us tools, and the same kind OF
tools that his people work with. You
go and tell him to send us lot of those
green-covered tables, with sticks and
red and white balls, and we will work
from early sun-up until midnight, as
the men out here do, meaning the sol
diers who work on the billiard tables
around the military posts. [ should
like to hear better irony from a white
man" -Indi0onpOis Journal
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Cost of POsieS.

A few days ago [ heard a good story
about Jimmy Powers, now playing in
"a Straight Tip" He had minor
part in comedy in Chicago few years
ago, and during the performance had to
do some "knock-about" business. The
second night that he appeared one OF
the ushers brought handsome big
bouquet of roses to him to the footlights.
Every night during the engagement he
received a similar bouquet, and it was
not long before the other actors and
actresses in the company began taunting
him about his unknown admirer, who,
strange to relate, never sent a card or
note asking the pleasure of meeting
him. The comedy was billed for two
weeks, and on the last night, when the
bouquet was sent to him, Jimmy noticed
neatly folded note among the roses.
He ran to his dressing-room, opening
the note on the way, and you can
imagine his surprise when he read the
following:
~ am wattor in resterant, aud the
boss gives me all the fours what is on
the tabulls when the resterant clOZes.
Them is what sent 70 you every mite.
ime dead stuck on yer act and when
YOU come to Chicago agen want you to
learn me how to fall on my neck"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
How Senator Reagan Gained Fame

The resignation of Senator Reagan, of
Texas, recalls story of how he CHANGED
to remove to the state that is now his
home and which has SO signally honored
him. He was living in Sewer County,
Tenn, in 1888, and was sent by his
father to grist mill to have a sack of
wheat converted into flour. He was a
big raw boned, strapping country boy.
According to custom he hitched his
horse at the mill, took the sack of grain
upon the shoulders and tOted it up three
flights of stairs and took his place in
the line, as people are wont to do still
at county post offices, waiting for his
turn to have his wheat ground. Half
an hour or SO after Reagan arrived at
the mill well-knOwn local character
came, bringing a sack of grain to be
ground also. This last character was a
desperate in his way, kind of local
terror, fond of brawls and fighting, and
in the habit of having his own way and
keeping the community more or less
terrorized. He had to take his place in
line with the rest, but when it got to be
Reagan's turn to have his grain ground
1.-The terror" said: See here, Reagan,
| am in a hurry. You let me get in
your place and you come back here
where l am" Reagan demurred,
stating that he was in hurry, too; that
he was entitled to his place and meant
to keep it. This angered the brawler.
He cursed young Reagan, and said he
would fling him out through the widow,
and, suiting the action to the word,
made a rush for the future statesman.
Reagan, like all the rest of the people
IN the neighborhood, was more or less
terrorized by this desperate, and in
faar of his il fa rms bod for him met the
desperate halfway, butted him in the
stomach with his head, and literally
lifted him off his feet and threw him
through the window. When the despera-
do disappeared through the window the
consequence of his act flashed upon
young Reagan's mind. He instantly
supposed that he had killed a man, that
he would be hanged for it, and, scared
almost to death, he rushed downstairs
unhitched his horse, and lit out across
the country for Texas. The man was
not killed, but got a good shaking up
He soon moved 10 Texas and was 6
friend to Reagan in after life.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

OUR DARING S0OulQ pear hdlneIlue . udlue
Decided we but, such Is fate,
Twins came to us, and thus we had
The one we'd named and--duplicate.
Judge.
CUSTOMER ''Tell you how you could
sell more strawberries.
"How?"
"Turn the boxes over and fl the 9th
er end. "-DarOu Free Press.
81 BELIEVE you are carpenter" she
said to the new boarder.
II am" he replied, meekly.
WELL" she continued, "then | sup
pose you can be trusted to plank down
your board money. "-,S. Paul Globe.
DUDELE1GH-"Aw,N Nicely, old fellab.
chappie, but I should fawncy | might.
Been working all the mawning. %
Dudeleig h-"Working? Why, how,
old fellah ?" Nicely-"Ive been la
bowling under an impression. "-BOston
Courier.
CORPORAL Ito soldier)-"Why is the
blade of the saber curved instead OF
straight? ?"
Soldier-.sIt is curved in order to give
more force to the blow"
Notwithstanding The saber is
curved SO it will fit in the scabbard. If
it was straight how would you get it in
to the crooked scabbard, blockhead? ''
-Teros SJtings.
FAITH AND S1GHT.-Minerva Cooking
up from her reading -"Aunt Fidelia
the Esculapean attributes rheumatism
to a pathogenic microorganism which
under certain favorable conditions is re-
ceived and propagated." Aunt Fidelia
81 don't believe word of it. [ have
had the rheumatism twenty years, and
r e h. ~
Pharmaceutical Era.
THE young woman who writes her
name and address on the eggs before
she sends them to market has received
a proposal. 1t came from a man who
proposed that hereafter she send strict
1y fresh c rgs instead of the stale ones
she had peen in the habit of selling.
She no longer counts her chickens be-
fore they are hatched.-Detrou Free
Press.
'WHAT do you conceive to be the chief
end of man, doctor?". asked the fresh
man. "Well," returned the professor,
thoughtfully, cit all depends. If you
are going in for scholarships, | should
say the head; if for foot ball honors, the
foot is the end to be cultivated. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
SHE-"I am awfully sorry to hear that
you lost your wife"
He (gravely)-"Not lost, but gone be-
fore"
She-"Then you believe that she waits
for you at the door-beyond."
He (still more gravely)-"She always
did-here. "-NeW York Herald.
A MIs-SPELL.-A New York woman
has gone into the business of selling sec
ond-hand trousseaus. She was Mortified
the other day by receiving this epistle,
written in masculine hand: Madame
Please send one pair secondhand trow-
sers to my address. See that they do
not bag at the knees. '-Detrou Free
Press
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
FREAKS OF FAMOUS MEN.
Stories of Cardinal Riche1ieu, the Great
Condo, and Prince CONT.

Condo, and Prince CONT.
Cardinal Richelieu, the famous
French statesman, often gave way to
irrepressible paroxysms of laughter aft
er returning from the secret sessions of
the Council. If he had been specially
clever In outwitting an enemy, he gal
loped round and round the billiard
table, neighed like horse, pranced,
and kicked out right and left like a
charger caracoling.
The great Condo, while listening to a
long-winded address of welcome from a
village magistrate, amazed that worthy
official by taking advantage of low bow
to leap over him. The magistrate, on
recovering from his surprise, faced
around and continued his speech, taking
care not to give the famous marshal a
chance for second spring by making
too low reverence; but his caution was
in vain. Condo grasped him by both
shoulders and took another Jump.
Prince Cont had the odd trick of
barking exactly like a yapping lap dog,
and not infrequently barked at lady
instead of answering her. Once he was
seized with a desire to perform this
strange antic while in the throne-room
of Louis XIV, but knowing how furi-
Ously lie grand monarque would have
resented such an infringement of his
royal dignity, Cont hurried to an open
window and, leaning out, pressed his
handkerchief over his mouth and
barked softly to his hearts content.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
A Steed From GiantIand.

Valley City, N. d., has a curiosity in
horse flesh that is simply astonishing.
He is sorrel, stands fully 10 hands, or
6 feet 4 inches, from floor to withers !;
his legs are feet inches before touch
ing the body, and small broncho can
easily walk under him. A man six feet
IN heg sa edn see ptoe his DaS nb
is full 13 feet, or II from tip of nose to
tip of tail. When standing with his
head as ordinarily checked up six-foot
man, by standing on tiptoe, can just
touch the base of the ear.-Iadiaaopotis
Journal
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Important Trade Name Decision.

Judge Thayer of the United States Circuit
Court, st. Louis, has recently handed down an
opinion and granted perpetual Injunction
against the defendants in the case of The Hos
fetten Co. against the Bruggeman seinert Dis
tilling Co., ALIAS Gold Spring Di>tflling Co., )"
prohibiting the advertising, manufacturing or
selling of any article of stomach bitters either
in bulk, by the gallon otherwise or in any
WY making of "Hostetter" except in con-
ncction with the sale of the genuine bltters
which are always sold in bottles securely sealed,
and also prohibiting the sale of any bltters in
bulk, though the name "Hostetter be not used,
but the suggestion made 10 the purchaser that
he can put them in the empty Hostetter bottles,
and purchasers would not discover the differ
ence. His decision supports the Hostetter COM
pany in the extensive use of the name Hostet-
fer' in connection with either the manufacture
or sale of stomach bitters ia any manner or
form whatsoever, and firmly establishes Its
ownership in the same as a TRADE NAME.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

The hand Of time
deals lightly with woman in
perfect health. But all func-
tional arrangements and dis
orders peculiar to women
leave their mark. You needn' t
have them. DIR. Pierce's Fa-
vorite Prescrip tion comes to
your rescue as no other medi-
cine can. It cures them. For
periodical pains, prolapsus and
other displacements, bearing
down sensations, and all "fe-
male complaints and weak
nesses, it is a positive remedy.
1t is a powerful, restorative
tonic and nervine, imparting
strength to the whole system
in general, and to the uterine
organs and appendages in par
ticular. 1t keeps years from
your face and hgure-but adds
years to your life. It's guar
azteed to give satisfaction in
every case. If it doesn't
your money is returned.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
A Mental Tonic.

When Shakespeare wrote Of music
that it has power to soothe the savage ear
he stated great scientific fact. Music
as medicine is now coming into play.
Says the Lancetapropos: "ltisasa men
tai tonic that music acts. Accordingly we
may naturally expect it to exert its
powers chiefly in those diseases, or
aspects of diseases, which are due to
morbid nervous action. The evidence
of its utility on occasions where fatigue
or worry has disturbed the proper
balance and relation between the mind
and body of the so-called healthy will
explain its action in disease. We can
readily understand how a pleasing and
lively melody can awake in jaded
brain the strong emotion of hope, and
energiZing by It's means the languld
nerve control of the whole circulation,
strengthen the heart and refresh the
vascularity of every organ. We can
picture the same brain in forced irrita-
ton fretfullv stimulating the service of
the vaso-motor nerves and starving the
tissues of their blood supply. Here,
again, it is easy to comprehend the reg
ulatlng effect of quieter harmony, which
brings at once rest and a diversion to
the tretting mind. Even aches are
soothed for time by a transference of
attention, and why, then; should not
pain be lulled by music? That it is
sometimes relieved we cannot doubt.
It is especially in the graver nervous
maladies, however, that we should look
for benefit from this remedy. Definite
statistics on the subject may not be
forthcoming, but all that we have said
goes to show that states of insanity,
which are largely influenced by the con-
dition Of the sympathetic system, should
find some part of their treatment in the
hands of the musician. tits, therefore,
for such cases especially that we would
enlist his services"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
An indian jug.

There was found in Florida near Lake
Tohopekaliga, day or two ago, a per-
feet specimen Of Indian pottery in the
though without handle. It was found
about two feet under ground, and
evidently had in time past been washed
up from the lake, where it had perhaps
been lost by the Indians. The piece is
twenty-five inches in height and eleven
inches wide, with a three-inch opening
at the top. 1t is made of red clay and
very thin. The Indians evidently used
it as vessel in which to carry water
1t is probably the largest perfect speci-
men of Indian pottery ever unearthed
in the state, and will prove a valuable
relic
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Three recommendations.

What do you think of this baccarat
scandal?" asked Shingles.
"Baccarat," replied Dukane; "you
mean baccaraw, don't your
"Is that the way to pronounce it ?"
"Of course ! I'll leave it to Dinwid-
die"
sAll right Dinwiddie, how do you
pronounce this game that the Prince of
Wales and Sir William Gordon Cum
ming played at Tranby Croft Z"
~ pronounce it bad, sir; very bad;
cough. in fact
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Manufacture of Mummies.

A manufacturer of ancient Egyptian
mummies has been severely sentenced
by the courts of Alexandria. He made
his articles with carefully prepared ass
es' skins and had good trade. Every
thing went well so long as he made kings
only. but when he tried the production
of high priests he committed archseolog-
icaI errors that led to bis detection.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Joe HOOker's Watch Key.

A watch key was found on Lookout
Mountain recently which probably be-
longed to Gen. Hooker. The key is in
the shape of butterfly with wings out
spread On one side is engraved a
pointer dog at a full stand near clump
of bushes. Across this is inscribed in
bold, plain letters: NOV. 10. Joe
Hooker 1863" Upon the other side
is pair of crossed bowie knives. The
swivel and the key cylinder have worn
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
The Greatest Thing in the World.

The newspapers poke good deal of
fun at the summer girl, but even editors
know that the summer girl and mar
row-seated buggy and moonlight night
make very attractive combination
,S0merUiHe Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

81 AM going to open my museum this
week, and want you to print me some
drawing card that will attract the public
attention. Chow will Admission Free
do p'=L n1reM Citizen
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
WINE AND WAINUTS,

Wine and walnuts, own, are feast quite
divine
When your walnuts are good, and well favor'd
your wine;
But the trash which you give us is truly IN
fernal,
Your wine has no spirit, your walnuts no ker-
|. mel.
Leigh Hunts London Examiner, 1923
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

ger, Oder DalQer-neaQ~
ed boys. Life is an Interrogation
point. "What is it for?" we con-
tinually cry from the cradle to the
grave. So with this little introduce
tory sermon we turn and ask: What
is AUGUST FLOWER FOR ?" AS easily
answered as asked: 1t is for Dys-
pepsia. It is a special remedy for
the Stomach and Liver. Nothing
more than this; but this brimfu1.
We believe August Flower cures
Dyspepsia. We know it will. We
have reasons for knowing it. Twenty
years ago it started in a small country
town. To-day it has an honored
place in every city and country store,
possesses one of the largest manu-
featuring plants in the country and
sells everywhere. Why is this? The
reason is as simple as a chi1d's
thought. It is honest, does one
thing, and does it right along-it-
cures Dyspepsia. g.
G. G. GREEN, Sole Man'fr Woodbury., NJ
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

UNDER the present game laws of New
York the English sparrow is not pro-
tected, and it is made misdemeanor to
give food or shelter to that bird.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

IT is reported that ex-King Milan is
shortly to marry the daughter of Gen
eral Guzman Blanco, of Venezuela.
This would make him the brother-in-
law Of the young Due de Morny.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

WHAT would you do if the fairies
should grant you the possession Of a
million dollars for one day only?'
"I'd make myself a present of it for
keeps. '-IodianapoHs Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Keen Cool.

Get veranda and lawn chains and set
out doors during the day. and furnish your
summer cottages with light, airy furni-
ture, and sleep cool at night. Clement,
Williams d. Co., Broadway, Milwaukee,
will fit you out nicely and cheap.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
In The Name of the Prophet,

Figs cry the vendors of the fruit in CONSTANT
nople Certainly great cry over a little
WOOL" Scarcely less foolish is the practice of
those who fly to violent physicing for costive-
ness. They dose themselves violently, weaken
their bowels by SO doing, and disable them from
acting regularly SO that, verify, the last condi-
ton of such people is worse than the first.
Hostetter's Stomach Bitters is the safe and eff
fective substitute for such vast expedients.
But no, let not call them expedients, for it is
by no means expedient to use them. What is
needed is gentle but thorough laxative which
not only insures action of the bowels without
pain or weakening effects, which also promotes
a health secretion and flow of bile into its prop
channel. Dyspepsia, debility kidney COM
plants. rheumatism, and malaria give in to the
BitterS.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

j. S. PARKER. Fredonia. n. Y. says:
ssShall not call on you for the 500 reward,
for believe HalPs Catarrh Cure will cure
any case of catarrh. Was very bad
Write him for particulars. Sod by drug
piStS 7hc
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

A New YORK paper has discovered
that "a man has rights in a New YORK
horse car" We've known that for a
long time, and that there is where he
has to stand up for them, too Yonkers
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

GEN. HANCoCK's grave is unmarked.
Mrs. Hancock went down to Mont
gomery Cemetery last week to see what
steps would be necessary to improve 1t.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

THAT cell gone' or faint feeling so prev
alcnt with our best female population,
quickly Succumbs TO the wonderful powers
of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. 1t never fails.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

away, but the main part of the relic is
in fine state Of preservation. Lying
near the watch key Mr.. Barnes found an
old canteen.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

Mr.. GLADSTONE recently remarked
that the only two young men of his
acquaintance who bought and read
books were Lord Rosebery and Mr..
20
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

''BEFoRE you marry have where tc
tarry.' And when you have secured q
house buy some SAPOLIO to keep it clean
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

LYDIA PINKHAM's warning to mothers
should be needed by all, and Guide to
Health and Etiquette" needed by every
Mother and Daughter in the civilized
world.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Established 1850.

Dresses, Gents Clothing, Feathers, Gloves,
ETC., Dyed or Cleaned. Plush Garments
Steamed at Otto Pietch's Dye W or1s. 246 w.
Water ST.. Milwaukee. Send for Circular
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

FITS.-An Fits stopped free by DIR. Kline's
Marvellous Treatise and 1900 trial bottle free
Fit cases. Send Dr. Kline 931 Arch ST., Phila Pa
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

BRoNCHo BoB-"Good mornin', Bill.
Where's all the boys this mornin' p
Buckskin Bill-'I seen some of 'em
hangin' around the Dewdrop Saloon"
Broncho Bob-"Thet's strange. They
gin rally do their hangin' on the lone
cottonwood out Wonder"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

AN excited English military exchange
asks: GLOW shall we get rid of our
smooth bores?' "Why not fire them ?"
-NeU York Recorder.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

No Opium in Pisos Cure for Consump-
ton. Cures where other remedies fail. 25c.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

THE man who stole the chicken made
a clean breast Of it-Boston transcript.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

PROF. J. II. CANFIELD, Of the Kansas
State University, has accepted the posi-
ton of Chancellor of the Nebraska State
TTniyarsitv
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

BEECHAMs PILLS act like magic on Weak
Stomach.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24

"YoU lost your knife yesterday !?
Well, Tommy, l have found two
knives" said the Sunday school teach
er. "Now tell me which of them is
yours" "Please num- replied the
most blades ?"-NeW York recorder.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
Children Enjoy.

The pleasant flavor, gentle action and
soothing effects Of Syrup of Figs, when in
need of laxative and if the father OF
mother be costive or bilious the most graf
flying results follow it's use, so that it is
the best family remedy known and every
family should have bottle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-06-24
August
Flower

This is the query per-
What Is petually on your little
boys lips. And he is
1t For2 no worse than the big
49,. o1Jo- Io1Iox 1oo1