davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Old-CashiOuesS.

Nav Boarder-See here, I can't stand
this lamp. 1t smells like an oil re-.
tnery. What sort of q lamp is it any
how?
Chambermaid-rhat's center-table
lamp, sir
New Boardcr-Well, take it away,
and bring me one of the old-fashioned
kind. don't care for these new
tangled scenter table-lamps.-N. Y.
Weekly,
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Perplcxity.

A popular young Washington man
had peculiarly weary look on his face
when friend met him and inquired:
"What is the matter? You look
troubled"
81 am" he replied. sit happened
during the holidays I had concluded
to swear off smoking on New Years
day, and l received four boxes of fine
cigars from my friends. / haven't yet
been able to make up my mind which
to stick to, the resolution or the cigars. I"
WASHINGTON Star.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
From Bad to Worse.

Brindle-Dolliver, your health is fail
ing; can see it.
Dolliver (dolefully)-I know it, but
what can do?
Brindle-I had a friend-iust like you
went to live with his relatives in Jer-
sey and got rid Of the disease in a year
Dolliver las before But how long
did it take to get rid Of the relatives?-
Smith, Gray & Co. IS Monthly.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
The Deadly Compositor. g

A New York editor who wrote an
obituary notice of man of some cell
ebrity said: HE began life as a legal
practitioner, but was diverted from it
by love of letters" He did not see
the printers proof, and was confronted
the next morning with this: "He began
life as legal politician, but was d.
verified 'FRONT.' by love of bitters."-
Demerara Argus
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
More CommodiOus.

A Western newspaper which an.
nounced a removal into more COM
modious quarters" had to own up, when
driven to the wall by rival, that it had
simply gained one more coathook and
twelve inches more elbow room for the
devil to shove the roller. TWAS gain,
however.-Detroit Free Press. -
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
FACTS AND FINDINGS.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE COLERIDGE is OF
the opinion that two-t thirds of the jails
could be shut if the country could be
kept sober.
THE British Woman's Temperance
Association is holding meetings in va
rious parts of England, addressed by
physicians of note, who point out from
a medical stand point the advantages of
total abstinence.
TORONTO, Can, closes its saloon doors
early on Saturday night, and keeps them
closed on Sunday, with the result of a
better observance of the Lords dry
than is to found in any city Of Europe
or Acknowledgements.
AN English physician says that where
case of serious illness requires a con-
sultation the chances of recovery are
estimated chiefly by the drinking habits
of the patient, and they most hopefully
estimate the chances of the total alb
stainer.
THE editor of weekly paper in Kan
sas has been shot at twice, assaulted
three times and had the windows of his
Office smashed in three times within the
space of four months, because he de-
clared that the mayor ought to be i'm
peached for MISUNDERSTANDING Ar
gus.
81 PROPOSE to die!" said man as he
entered Sacramento saloon. 'Give
me glass of beer in which to take
poison!" 1t was handed him. his money
dropped into the till and the bar
keeper watched him as he sprinkled
in strychnine and drank it off, to die
two hours later
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Eminently Qualified.

Judge-Can you remember nothing OF
what took place? Try to recall some
of the circumstances.
Witness-I have tried, your honor,
but l can't. My mind is perfect
blank.
Judge-You may step aside, but don't
leave the courtroom. We may need
you for a juror.-Chicago Tribune.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
EYident Injustice.

Mr.. Merri-I was blackballed at the
Fashion Club last night, and believe
that fellow Quickwit who has taken
such fancy to your society was at the
bottom of it.
Mrs. Merri-You do Mr.. Quickwit
great injustice. I am sure he would
much rather meet you at the club than
herein. Y. Weekly.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Mr., Slim's PrecautiOns.

'Isn't that Chollie Slim in the win
dow?"
Eyes. What on earth has he got on
his lap?"
"Paper-weight, I guess. It's a very
windy morning."-Jury.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
TEMPERANCE NOTES.
COLD WATER FOR NE.

TO Bacchus let others their eulogies hymn,
end wine let them guar to safety;
Let others be Guileyed and palsied OF limb;
But sing The praise of sobriety.
Let Horace Anacreon, Ovid assert
That the maG who drinks vintage will never
age;
Using OF cold water, 1t never can hurt;
Hurrah for that aqueous beverage!
Cold water for me;
Gold water for me;
TITS flowing so crystal ami free.
rpn may guam all you will;
IL ei.n do you 10 ILL.,
Cold water, cola water 70: me.
Anne rica
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
The Rheum of Intoxication.

frimus-I can't make out from the
papers whether Henley's tragedy was a
success or not.
Secmdus-Was it full house?
Primus-It must have been. see
that it wept at his pathos.-Judge.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
His Horsemanship.

He-Is Mr.. Bruce good rider?
She-Yes; he took first prize at our
riding-school. Didn't you see how
gracefully he was thrown yesterday
Harper's Bazaar.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Explaining 1t.

Harry" said Mrs. Bloobumper,
''what is the instantaneous method of
taking photographer"
sit is system by which your picture
is taken in an instant after waiting half
day in the gallery" replied Bloc
bumper.-Munsey's Weekly.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
A Question of Precedence.

Dudley-Hold on, Singleton; nobody
shall act for Miss Barrett in this emer-
gency but myself.
Singleton-On what grounds do you
interfere, sir?
Dudley-Miss Barrett promised to be
my wife last night, sir.
Singleton-And she promised to be
my wife three years ago.-Judge.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Not to Re DiyulCed.

Jawkins-How did you get that black
eye?
Hogg (who has recently had some
business in court)-Oh, that's secret
of the jury-room.--Judge.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Limitations of Genius.

Book Publisher have looked over
the manuscript which you submitted to
us, and find good plot, many well.
drawn characters, and some picturesque
word-painting; but the love-scenes are
cold and stilted. Can't you improve on
them?
Authoress (wearily)-I am afraid not.
I'm married.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Trouble with the "R.'

Miss De Jones-Aw you a lovah OF
hawmony, Mr.. De Lewd?
Mr.. De Lewd-No-er-cawnt say
am. 1t don't seem to agree with me %
well as oatmeal for bweakfast.-Grip.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Worse Than That.

Dolley-Did she say you nay, old mana
Goslin-She wasn't so considerable as
that. She used a plain and emphatic
''no'-Munsey's Weekly.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
MARITAL Amenities a la Parisienne

'Your idea is excellent, but you don't
believe your wife will accept it, do
you?"
"There is no doubt of it. 1 shall begin
by telling her that it's a nonsensical
proposition. Paris Figaro.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
A Mistake.

"Alice must have taken young Fitz-
herbert for an Englishman."
"Why do you think SOP"
"Well, he asked her for her hand and
she gave him her purse instead."-
Judge.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04

Mrs. st. Clue Visiting her son at Har-
vardD - Who is that coarse, horrible
looking female over your mantel?
Mr.. ST. Clue, Jr.-Oh, that's what
Grandma Niles sent me. / believe she
said it was you, when you were little
girl.-Leslie's Illustrated Newspaper.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
An Architectural Expedient.

81 told you wanted an old Colonial
mansion, and here you've designed an
Italian villa"
''Oh, well, paint it yellow and no
body'll know the difference. Puck.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
"Night- Caps" and Eye-Openers." =

"Both the 'night-cap' and the eye.
opener are evils" said local physi-
clan, recently, "but between the two,
if one must be chosen, take the night.
cap When man gets to drinking
early in the morning as regular Gus
tom he is pretty far gone. A drink be-
fore breakfast is a pretty certain indi-
cation of half-dozen others be-
fore shutdown. The effect of morn
ing drink wears off very shortly, leav-
ing the drinker collapsed just at time
when he is busiest at work, and it is
natural for him to drink again to brace
himself up. At night, however, while
he sleeps nature repairs the damage, or
part of it, which he has done by soak
ing his stomach with alcohol. If man
must drink he ought to have sense
enough to steer clear of the 'eye-open.
err 1t is the last resort among drink
ers and is the hardest to tear loose
from. Chicago Mail.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Too Much of q Good Thing.

Patient just dropped in to see you,
doctor, to say that am entirely recov-
cred.
Doctor-Is that so? wish you would
drop in oftener,-Puck.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Hooks-What makes you think so?
Terrible Suffering.

"Yes, we've quarreled. think this
parting with my Amelia will kill me-"
81 should think you would feel it."
Feel it? Why, Great Scott, it is
torture! She has two hundred thou
sand in her own right. "-Philadelphis
Times.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Shakespeare Revised.

Some men are born great. some
achieve greatness and some become
hotel clerkS,--Life
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
Plain as q PikestaG.

Housekeeper-You here again? 1t
was only yesterday l gave you regu-
lar meal.
Tramp-Yes'm. I amt forgot it,
mum. That's why l come ag'in mum.
Good News
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04

Man-Afraid-tO-T Talk Back-to-H Moth
er-in-Law (flourishing knife)-Wah, me
bad Injun; take pale face scalp.
Mr.. Man-Out West - Don't trouble
yourself, my friend; allow me to hand
it to you.-Life.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
About the Correct Idea.

He-You ladies only go to church to
see the dresses that other ladies wear.
She-And what do you gentlemen go
for?
He-To see the ladies who are in the
dresses.-Once a Week.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
A Moral Certainty.

Caraway-Five years from now you
won't find any liars at all among the
Indians.
Hooks-What makes You think so?
Caraway-Why, by that time the
Government won't allow what is left Of
them to retain even a mental reserva-
tion.-Life.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
He Knew the Brand.

"Have cigar, Billus?"
'Thanks. Don't care if L"
= "They're some my wife gave me for
Xmas"
81 guess after all, old fellow, l won't
smoke just now."-Jury.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1891-03-04
7. c. THORNTON Z Bro, Agents.
INVENTION e; q; ;; , ::;:; Is: :;

least among the wonders of inventive pro.
gress is a method and system of work that
can be performed all over the country with.
out separating the workers from their homes.
Pay liberal; any one can DO the work either
sex, young or old; no special ability 10 70.
CURED. Capital not needed; you are start.
ed free. Cut this out and return to Us and
We will send you free, something Of great
value and Importance 70 yen, that will start
you in business, which will bring yen IN
mere money right away, than anything elss
In the world. Grand outfit free. Address
TauE + Co., Augusta, Maine.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19

That hacking cough can be quick
ly cured by Shiloh's Cure. We GU
arantee It. For sale by Miller q
Case.
Sleepless nights, mnle miserable
by that terrible cough Shiloh's
Cure is the remedy for you. For
sale by Miller & Case.
For lame back, side, or chest, use
Shiloh's Porous Plaster. Price %
cents. For sale by Miller & Case.
Shiloh's Cure will Immediately
relieve Group, whooping cough and
bronchitis. Sold by Miller & Case.
Will you suffer with dyspepsia
and liver complaint? Shiloh's vi
talizer is guaranteed to cure you.
For sale by Miller & Case.
A nasal injector free with each
bottle of Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy.
Price 80 cents. Sold by Miller &
Case.
"Hackmetack," a lasting and
fragrant perfume. Price 25, and
so cts. Sold by Miller & Case.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
Cheap Exearsion to the South.

If you are in search of health or
wealth and happiness, go south.
The climate is charming and no
better place can be found to spend
the winter months than in
Florida or I eXas. The great Buck
eye Route offels many inducement,
to the traveller il. tie way of low
rates and through car service. This
is the only line travelling the cen
trail portion of Ohio, connecting in
the Union station in Columbus,
with lines leading to the south and
southwest. For rates to any point
in the Z. S. or Canada, write or call
on agents Of the G. II. V. Il II. Ry,
or address w. II. Fisher, General
Passenger agent, at Columbus, O.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL

Brown university has decided to adj
NIT women to its classes on the same
conditions as men.
Brown university will receive S7O,
900 from the estate of the late j. W.
Smith, of Providence.
boston university has received from
Mrs. Douglass, of Cambridge, three high
ly-prized busts representing respectively
Hon, Robert c. Winthrop, Hon. Anson
Burlington and Gen. Lyman.
The Smithsonian institution recent
ly paid Sl,sOO for single butterfly
The species has long been believed to
be extinct. The one now in the Smith.
sonian was caught in the Sierras
The English Missionary society,
whose centenary occurs in 1892, intends
to endeavor to raise a special centenary
fund of R1OO OOO and TO seek also to in
crease the annual income of the society
to 100000
in Persia any person not Moham'
medans are at liberty to attend Chris.
tian worship, but u Mohammedan can
not abjure his religion without fleeing
the country or losing his life a police
man stands by the door Of each mission
chapel to prevent the attendance of
Islamites.
"A comparative table of the work of
the Methodist Episcopal Mission to
North India shows that the growth has
not only been steady but that uniform
rate of increase has been maintained.
The number of commandments being, in
1868, 2O9; 1868, 665; 1878, 1867; 1878,
9, 52O; 1855, 400; 1888, 6,044; 1891, 49,
COZ.
The king of the Delgians has honor
ed one of tho baptist missionaries on
the Congo with a decoration. The
gentleman, Rev. Geo Grenfell, is not
only preacher, but an explorer of
note. Great interest attaches to his
discovery Of the Mobangi, which he has
proved probably TO Lc the Congo's
greatest tributary.
"A school for domestics," the first
of its kind, is to be opened III st. Pc
tersburg The object viii be to teach
poor women all kinds Of household
work, cookery, mending and sewing
linen, also dress and shirt making
The women who successfully learn
their work win be recommended to
good positions, and such OF them as can
not stay away from their households
9ill get work at home.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19

"Where simply to feel that we
breathe, that we live,
Is worth the best joys that life
elsewhere can give"
Very few people, comparatively in
this country, have been given to
winter travelling and sight seeing.
This no doubt has been partially
due to the stringency Of the mon
ey market and the poor crops, but
now the money is easier and the
crops have been abundant the past
season, there is no good excuse
why our northern people should
not see some of the beautiful sights
in the sunny south, and the best,
cheapest and quickest route to the
land of sunshine and flowers is
over the famous Buckeye Route,
which passes over the center por-
ton of the great State of Ohio. TO
any one who has never travelled
through the South, it is like enter
inga undiscovered country. There
is on every side a series of inter-
esting and instructive objects. Let
anyone who would find rare enjoy
ment take a trip through the south
west. Every convenience of mod
ern travel may be obtained from
the luxurious coaches run through
from Lake Erie to the Ohio River,
making direct connections at june
tion points with lines leading to
the south and southwest. There is
much Of the picturesque to charm
the eye in the trip over the great
Buckeye Route, and in the t',iv-
ing little cities, filled with the hum
of business, you see much to please
and enjoy. If you would your con-
ditions change, write to the agents
of the C. II. V. d II. Ry, for full
particulars as to the route, rates
and the time OF trains, to the land
redolent with sunshine and flowers.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19

Catarrh cured, health and sweet
breath secured, by Shiloh's Catarrh
Remedy. Price 80 cents. Nasal
Injector free. For sale by Miller
g. Case.
For dyspepsia and liver COM
plant you have printed guarantee
on every bottle of Shiloh's Xitali-
zer. 1t never fails to cure. Sold
by Miller & Case.
Shiloh's Cough and Consumpiont
Cure is sold by us on n guarantee.
1t cures Consumption. For sale
by Miller q Case.
Group, whooping cough, and
bronchitis Immediately relieved
by Shiloh's Cure. For sale by Mil
Ter & Case.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
!be Plain Dealer,
(CLEVELAND.)
FOB 1899
DAILY, MORNING and EVENING,
SUNDAY and WEEKLY.
The Aggressive Democratic Jour
nal of the Metropolis of Ohio.
a newspaper for the Masses.

The Plain Dealer is the organ of
no faction; pulls no wires; has no
animosities to avenge.
In all the essentials of a Great
Daily Journal the Plain Dealer
has no peer.
The Plain Dealer is a National
Newspaper, in favor with Demo-
Gratis of every State in the Union.
Cheap news, vulgar sensations
and trash find no place in the col
umns of the Plain Dealer.
The Plain Dealer is Il large Met
ropolitan, S-page, 56 column paper
containing the news from every
quarter of the globe. Accurate and
reliable market reports, and every
thing of Importance in politics,
commerce, finance, marine, base
ball and other sporting news.
Its special news from the State
and National Capitals; its foreign
cable service, together with the
full and complete Associated Press
Reports, and its own special wires
leading directly in to the United
States furnishes it facilities for pro.
ducing II newspaper unsurpassed
by any in the world.
AS an advertising medium, the
Plain Dealer has no superior. II
reaches an excellent class of read
| ers rates are reasonable.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
Might
IMMENSELY POPULAR.
The Leading Family Paper of the
United States.

The hold which this beautifully
illustrated weekly retains upon the
peoples confidence is astonishing,
but it is due entirely to its varied
contents. The value of its stories,
is not measured by the enormous
amount of money they cost, but by
the eagerness of the people to read
them. 1t takes ten tons of paper
every week to print it. That is
over 10000 pounds. And ten times
twenty thousand persons anxious
ly await its weekly coming.
Every weekly issue of the "Sot-
urday Nigh" contains quality
and quantity of literary materials,
satisfying to every member Of the
family, young or old.
The most gifted authors seek the
Saturday Night as the channel
by which they may gain II reputa-
tion. It's pictures are gems of
beauty, produced by the best ar
lists.
A new story every second week.
Each paper has six continued
stories, as many poems, items OF
interest, the latest fashions, an
swers to correspondents, and va
riety of humorous ard entertain.
ing articles. Specimen copies free
SURSCRIPTION RATES.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19

In accordanre with an old and
we'll established custom the passen-
ger department of the Popular
Buckeye Route, take pleasure in
announcing to their friends and
patrons that on December "a, 25th
and 31st 1891, and January 1st,
1892, special excursion tickets will
he on sale TO and from all stations
on the G. III. V. d II. Railway, and
{. & e. Ry., including Chicago, at
exceptionally low rates of fare.
Tickets will be good returning on
all trains, including those of, Janu-
airy 4th, 1892. For particulars,
call on or address agents of the c.
II. V. & II. Ry.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
Rouse Remedies.

For Blood, Liver and Kidney
diseases, use DIR. Rouse's Alternative
Compound.
For coughs, colds, Group and in
fuenza, use DR., Rouse's cough cure
For fever, constipation and head
ache use DR.. Rouse's liver pills.
Sold by F. f. Rempel, Druggist,
corner Main and Market SITS,
Logan, Ohio, And druggists gen,
orally,
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
Christmns HnIidny Rntcs.

The Popular Buckeye Route,
will with their usual custom offer
their friends and patrons the GUS
tomary reduced rates of fare on
December oath, 2jth and 3lst, 1891,
and January lst 1899, to and from
all stations on the G. III. V. d r.,
and G. u f. Railways, including
Chicago, Ills. For particulars ip-
gpir9 Of agents Of G, II. Va 7. Ry.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
SUBSCRIPTION RATES.

Subscriptions can hegin with
any number. Back numbers sup
piled at the same rates, or single
for six cents each.
All communications, business or
otherwise, must be addressed to
JAMES ELvERsoN,
Philadelphia, Pa.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
OUR SYSTEM OF INHALATION.
In the Treatment OF cur Patients We make use OF only
Such Methods as Have Been Found Useful
in COMBATING Disease

We claim for sys, EN- the only means by which
Heart and Lung Diseases be permanently
cured-Ihe evidence of which can be furnished
upon Application at ofiice.
COMPOUND OXYGEN. Electricity, Electric Baths,
Massage, Medicated Vapots, Sprays, etc., ate
used in the treatment OF our speciates The Sys-
TEN Of 1nhaatlon is the only one by which remedies
be brou hit drectyin contact with the diseased
Lungs and is therefore, the only rational method Of
cure. Under this treatment Consumption Is per-
fectly durable and gives the sick reasonable
chance of recovery Many now sick and despairing
up the folly Of trusting in what has always failed,
time useless medicatons The Compound
Oxygen Cure offers immediate relief We guaran-
tee the truth of this statement No matter what
your condition may be, we repeat, we can give you
immediate Relief in any and all diseases OF rhe
Head. Throat, luGus and Heart.
! hat all Suhere ers may have an opportunity of
testing our Compound Oxygen Cure, we make this
proposition for a limi time only. Our Proposi-
ton: 10 all sufferers from Catarth, Asthma,
Bronchitis, Consumption, and. Heart Atfecuons-
treatment will be given free Of charge. Let
neglect this wonderful opportunity Of testing
natures own feuIedy Come before it is 100 late
DISEASES or THE HEGRT.-Of all the organs
in the body liable 10 disease, the Heart is perhaps,
less amenable TO treatment, by the ordinary rene
dies than that Of any other. Patients afiIcIcd with
Heart troubles told, in polite way, 10 prepare
for death. Beyond little medicine prescribed by
the stomach nothing is done. They are told to
renquish all active pursuits, Svoid excite ment
etc, and this is followed by some preparation Of
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-12-19
THE PLAIN DEALER,
Cleveland, Ohio.

NoTE.-We have made arrange
ments with the publishers of the
Weekly Plain Dealer, which en-
ables us to club that paper with
the Ohio Democrat for 1925 year.