St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1891-10-29
HUMoRs OF THE PATENT OFFICE

A collection of epistles which the
present chief clerk of the patent Office
has made for his own amusement is
mine of humor, not unmixed with
pathoes. One cannot help noticing
in how many of them the half-formed
notion of a paternal government is
mingled with the idea Of popular
sovereignty.
A "Straight-out Democrat" for
example, evidently thinks that he is
comforting a favor when he informs
"Grover Cleveland the fouther of
houer country Dear Sir and Presi-
dent of the United States that he
has invented "new frate car coup
Ter, in which the president may have
a half interest if he will Put it threw
the Patent Office" Another cores
pondent sends to the White House
few friendly lines, "hoping to find
you WELL" and, all in the cause of
friendship, suggests that the presi-
dent shall forthwith forward him
patent for a liniment, which he is
sure the president will be glad to
learn has been tried on the inventor
and his wife and his daughter for
nineteen yeares." Occasionally one
meets with pitiful story addressed
to ''his High Honor" begging for a
patent because the writer lis Citing
old and wants to give the children a
start in the world somehow
Quite different in tone are the let
tiers addressed to the commissioner
of patents. No patheticlappeals are
made to him. His correspondents
tell him what they want, and give
him to understand that they want it
right off-as one says, without full
ing about it either" One individual
makes a modest demand for $780,
600, because, he AYERS, the govern
ment has offered that sum as a re-
ward for a perpetual moshen, -
which he tells the commissioner he
has discovered Another will be con-
tented with $4,000 in remuneration
for IAN inch squair block" whatever
that may be. Another insists that
the commissioner has in his immedi-
ate control large collection of sec
ond-hand army saddles, one of which
he wishes sent to him immedia tely
Another informs that functionary
that he bought safe which was
patented in 1913, and cannot find
the key, and will the commissioner
kindly send him duplicate key?
Proposals that the commissioner
shall act as attorney for individuals
before himself, or shall make a reduc
ton in the government fees because
one person proposes to take out sew
eral patents, are not at all uncom-
mon. Letters warning the patent
Office against granting patents tic
| rival claimants are in every mail
and the reasons usually given are
variega ted in the extreme. The most
original one encountered is that he
(the rivaD ''got mad at me and tried
to cheat me out of it because he done
the whiting" AS for odd things fol
which a patent is demanded, their
name is legion. One man wants to
know whether his name has beer
patented, and if not, he would like to
patent it himself Another desires
to patent the name of South Dako
ia if 1T would not cost too much.
And still another wishes to be in
formed if he can get patent for q
"smell," with general description
of ian exhibition of odors or scents
in an enclosed space" Perhaps fol
genuine humor the following i:
unique in its way: Il am here as ar
exile, far from home" says the
writer, whose numerous inquire:
have been answered, as usual, by
sending him a printed copy of the
patent office rules, land without