The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-05-30
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

faHAGHARHS. a
Tho latest boy in school is always
closest to the head Of tho procession
whom the circus is in town.-Bingham-
ton Loader.
-Careful.--''Como out and take q
walk" mo, the sky is gray, and gray
is not becoming to .Fliogende
Blatter.
But why do you want to marry
her?" Because l love herr' "My
dear follow, that's an excuse-not a
reason."-Saturday Evening Post
First Literary Charactcr-"You'v
been stealing my ideas" Second Lit
erary Charactor-"Thats all right, I
couldn't sell them. Tho Epoch.
An Ideal Wifo-Dear child, the din
ner to-day is absolutely uneatablo. I"
We'll, surely. Charles, you did not
marry me for the sake Of eating. -
Fliegende Blattor.
-IIo that puttoth money in his purse
Is liable to be robbed, but he that on
richeth his mind putteth wealth where
the sandbagger can not come at it
RAMS Horn.
why do they call the boys in the
galleries the gods. MIR. Tragedicas?"
ITO distinguish them from tho devils
who sit in the orchestra chairs and write
criticisms. "-Boston Courier.
The man who 'nevcr can find time"
to do any thing you ask of him may
generally be seen looking out at the
window whom there is brass band going
through tho streot-Someryillo Jour
nal. ~
What pretty girl Jimson's typo
writer must bo," unused Watts. "Inever
saw such an outrageous lot Of misspelled
words III business letter before in all
my days. "-Indianapolis Journal
-Dicl1-"WhY couldn't Harry 60 to
tho theater with us to-night?" Tom
"He couldn't possibly come; had to
write tho criticisms of the plays for
to-morrow's Crimson. and have them in
by eight o'clock. "--Harvard Lampoon.
-"Aint they rather strange names
for dogs?" mot at all. Two named
them for their literary suggestivcnoss.
l call ono Edwin brood because his tail
is cut of short, and tho other uowells. :"
Philadelphia Times
The newspapers are forever speak
ing of "the blushing bride" We'll,
when you reflect upon the kind of hus-
band not few OF the brides marry, you
can not wonder that they should blush.
Boston Transcript
"A Small Mattcr.-Mrs Forundrid-
Horrors! Half dozen words in your
note to Mrs. Society are misspelled :"
Miss Forundrid-"O that don't matter.
She can see by the coat of-nrms on our
stationery that we're all right"-N. Y.
Weekly.
Mrs Kawlor-"Your husbands ser
mon was beautiful and eloquent down
to certain point. this morning, but
after that it seemed TO loso all its fro
and earnestncss, and was dull and pro-
safe" Mrs. y. liorter-'Yes, that's
whore he dipped his pen into the mucil
age bottle. "-Boston Traveller.
Young Clorgyman-"Wo shouldn't
prepare sermons" Old Ditto-"Why
not?" lloung Clergyman-''TheB Bible
says that tho Lord will put words in to
our mouths" Old Ditto-'I guess you
are right And if the Lord doesn't put
tho words in our mouths somo bright
reporter will."-N. Y. Herald.
Ills Last Request = Tramp =
-hauail, you Will remember tnat yes
terday when called upon you had &
small vial of arsenic concealed and that
you coaxed the poison away from me
and gave mo a large hunk of your pic2''
Kind LADY, remember very we'll;
and now ! suppose you want another
pieco of pie?" Tramp--"No, don't; ]
want the arsenic. N. Y. Sun. =
a Lady's Opinion. = Only Son
Mamma, what does good traits mean?'
| Fond Mamma-"Good traits? Is thatex-
| preston in tho now book gave you?"
| Nom. Mrs. Dc Fashion used it when
she was talkin' about me to Mrs. Dc
| Style" Did She? Mrs. De Fashion is
lady, every inch of hor. Did she say
you woro full of good traits?" Nom.
( She said 1 hadn't any."-Good News.