The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1891-09-18

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Mrs. Blngo-You know we ladies are anxious
to do all we can toward building the new church,
so each one of us has agreed to deny ourselves
the privilege of new gown.
Mrs. Kingley-How self sacrificing! Have you
subscribed?
Mrs. Bingo-oh, yes; got the money from my
husband the first day.
Brash and wiry hair is made soft and beautiful
by Halls Hair Remover.
Nose Schaumburg ito his son)--How many vas
twice two?
Jakey-Twlce two ish six.
Nose Schaumberg-You vas wrong, Jakey. Six
vas too moOch.
Jakey-Don't know, dot. iader. already some
times ago? But shoost saidsix so dot you could
Chew me down to four.-Texas Siftings.
The prompt use of Ayers Sarsaparlla will In
variably cure all affections of the kidneys
Kitty Winslow--Ah, that's overt have prom.
ised to be sister to Frank Beckwith, and he says
that he is going to take the next steamer for Eu-
rope.
Aunt Mary-Isn't that the fifth ''roman dun
jeune honme pauvre" that you have participated
In? a
Kitty-The sixth, think. Oh, dearl am be-
ginning to feel like regular Little Sister of the
POor."-Puck.
If sick heads che Is misery, what are
Oarter's Little Liver Pills If they will positively
cure it? People who have used them speak
frankly of their worth. They are small and easy
to take.
In the Cemetery.
Tonmy-Pa, some of the people who are buried
here haven't gone to heaven.
Pa-Hush, Tommy! How do you know they
haven't3
ommy-Because Tread it on the tombstones.
Tommy-0n ever so many of them read "Peace
to his ashes," There aiI't any ashes except
where IT'S very hot, is there?-Texas Siftings.
Ayers Sarsaparilla, highly concentrated, is the
most economical blood purifier that can be used.
Mrs. Brown-What makes that baby cry so
Benjamin?
Mr.. Brown (who is doing the perambulating
act-Tm pinching him.
"Why what in the world are you doing that
for?''
II can't keep awake long enough to get him to
sleep unless he cries."-BiDghamton Leader
who hath not own'd with rapture-smitten frame,
The power of grace, the magic of a name9"
asks Campbell, the poet, in his pleasures of
Hope" Pleasures of Hope, forsooth Many and
many woman knows them no longer. They are
in despair about their health. They are run
down, debilitated, suffering from what they know
not. 1t may be dyspepsia, heart disease, liver or
kidney disease; any or all of them. The sick
nesses of women are cured by DR.. Pierce's Fa-
vorite Prescription. That's where the magic OF
name comes in. This improves digestion, invlg-
crates the system, enriches the blood, dispels
aches and pains, produces refreshing sleep, dis
pels nervousness and melancholy, and builds up
both the flesh and strength of those reduced be-
low healthy standard. 1t is legitimate needt-
cine not beverage. Contains no alcohol to in
ebriate; no sugar or syrup to sour In the stomach
and cause distress. 1t is as peculiar In its CON-
position as it is marvellous in its remedial re-
suits.
"What hymn did understand you 10 say?" in
qured the Sunday school teacher OF the young
lady who presided at the melodeon, and who had
just asked him to CLOSE the service, the superin-
tendent being absent.
"Sng half Of 248" she answered. smiling at his
nervousness and confusion.
I'VE. we VIII now close BY singing,n he said, az.
dressing the school, "hymn 123."-Harper's
Bazaar.
Generation after generation, have used and
blessed Johnson's Anodyne Liniment. Try 1t.
Not Unlikely.
Pipkin addressing captain of ocean liner -How
long will it take us TO reach the other side?I
Captain-Six days, if we don't have any trouble
Pipkin-But II we do have troubleo
CaptalnyyWe WE. may get there good deal SOON
Baby cried,