davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
\ Queer Race.

THE queerest race | ever heard Of, "
said Maj. Wetherill in the Co!onnadc
to Philadelphia Press reporter. was
proposed at Devon inn few years ago
by one of the guests, an Italian noble
man, Count Montglas. A crowd of us
were talking about horses one day on
the vcranda. and Montglas offered 10
wager that he could successfully run
any active pig in Chester county
against any horse there, and beat the
horse, over 4 twenty-five yards course.
As was natural, we roared at the idea,
but the count persisted that he could
do so. and then we supposed there was
some catch i'll !he wager and nobody
took it.
After awhile Montglas and l were
left alone on the vcranda. aud he told
me that he was sincere in the bet, and
explained how it was that pig could
outrun horse over twenty-five yards.
OF course it takes a horse a long time
to get under way. and it was on this
alone that the count placed his faith.
He would have the course decided
upon, and over it would scatter n line
of corn, at the end placing big double
handful. Then he would release the
pic, and the latter would start along,
eating the corn as he went until reach
ing the end. where he would find the
double handful. Later on that day the
process would he repeated and the pia
would move hurricdly, eaU along the
scattered kernels, in an endeavor ia
reach the pile, twenty-five yards away.
The next day considerably less corn
would be scattered over the course,
but the double handful would still be
placed at the end. Within n week
only very few grains would mark the
/ line TO the capital prize. and on being
recazed the pig would start off a
breakneck speed in his SreedineSs t.
get the latter. well" continued thu
major, ION the day of the race there
would be no corn ut all scattered OF
the course, but piggy would be squirm
ing and wriggling to get off toward thu
pile. When all would be ready tn
word ''Go!" would be given; the pi!
would be freed, and away he'd start n
if shot from cannon. BY the tim
the horse could get fairly under wa.
the pig would be half over the course
Just tearing himself almost apart t
reach that handful of grain. You see
Montglas didn't count on the pigs legs
but on his appetite
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
The Waiter Girl.

she comes, sho comes upon my yearning
sight,
Like friendly beacon shining thro' the night,
What tho thy hands and feet be lurge-thy
head
Aud countennnce alike be fiery rcd;
Ny Joy At seeing you is past control
| huu token of plenty 10 my furnished soul
she comes TO learn my lghtest within or wish,
And murmurs-
''SJupoIfish?"
bauS liter OF Erin, skittish are thy ways.
perciarce my meal you'll bring some of these
days.
D. why prCcrnstinate2 Why. why go slow2
Art waiting for tho bam-and-eggs to grow?
At leugth she comes again upon the scene
ind beams upon me with n smile serene;
Like champagne bottle popping out lis cOrE
She shoots out
"BeeforpCrk?'
o. fair ono, tho no drinking man am /
| fam some mid, light beverage would try.
Not only hungry nm J, but athiIst;
And could drink until my hide would burst.
0, for ice-watcr, milk or lemonade.
SINE col Lliuk bring me, Oh, thou lovely
mIidl
at last Sic secs my signal aud far or
Sh' uts at M
"TeaOrCOhI'
Come, come, thou shy, coy maid, hear my
app al
Have come to the end of this, my meal?
l. This small r.tion all am to draw
MIST famtnc's tooth forever ut me gnaw?
You think I've had CnOugh-nOt sO-not sol
Al, tile of II hOaTder's wants you know!
II you'd but listen-if you only would!
She answers
"Pico!pud?'
pnCf1p nnunOn
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
-------------------------------
WINGED MIS- SILE ).

The road from Jaffa 10 Jerusalem viii be
completed next year. Tarsus, St. Paurs
town. has had railroad for several years.
Self conccit may be good thing to have
bat man should try to be modest about it
and keep it to himself as much as possible.
The crawfish are so numerous at Ralaos,
st. Mary Parish, La, that they stopped
train there recently by crawling or the
track
Tho British canteen system has been
adopted in the barracks of Germany, with
Wow to keeping the soldiers away from
the liquor shops.
Dr. Schaffranek, of Palatka, Fla, has
recently sent to Europe a handsome oou-
quet, composed of wild flowers, the handle
being an alligator's tooth.
1t would be difficult to maintain a thea.
ter at the ancient village of Williams burg,
Va, at this tine. But the first theater
built in the United States was in Williams
burg in 1850.
A squaw man, white man who marries
an Indian woman, is defined as . man who
wants wife who will work for him and
allow him to go six months without chang
ing his shirt
The committee appointed last September
to inquire into the causes Of the abnormal.
iy high mortality in Madras has reported
that the water supply and the drainage
are defective
In Germany they are making coffee from
linseed meal roas ted to dark color and
mixed with some glutinous substances be-
fore passing through machines which form
it in the shape of beans.
The Rev. John Eliot missionary to tho
Indians, wrote letter in 1913, which was
sold at auction few days ago in Boston
for $500. At the same sale letter of tho
Rev. Jonathan Edwards brought only
Sl1.5O.
lowing: Now that the government board
has made US spell it Boring, will it not
please give us official information whether
its first syllable rhymes with 'beer," "fur"
or "err?n
The following is a copy Of the return
made by a colored constable on warrant
in Liberty county, Georgia: II have this
Day Rest the Body Of Kate Ann Lecounto.
! have Hir in My Gust. This the 5th day Of
the 18th of Jan, 1891"
Tho empress Of Germany, since her
confinement, has given fresh proof OF
womanly sympathy by ordering 100 com.
plete sets of baby linen to be given TO poor
mothers. She has also set apart ,00J
marks to accompany the gifts
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
The Education of Children.

| think that all mothers must con-
sole themselves with the fact that no
system Of education eau be absolutely
perfect. Neither are we nor our child
ren perfect. One thing should never
be lost sight Of; that we are educating
children TO be men aud women, lot TO
be children.
We can do no better than to develop
them into what nature has intended
them to be; we cannot successfully
make them what we should prefer.
Let us accept our children as the kind
of people they are by nature. Do not
let them feel that their faults are up
permost in our minds when we think
of them. Ihe person who is happy
surely faces the world mt great adj
vantage; the person who is unhappy
often has doubts and suspicious and
bitternesses. Let us try TO give our
children the advantage OF. happiness.
and, though we have no personal
motive, we shall surely not 60 unre'
warded. -Haypcr'S Bazar.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Observation-Disclosures sheep.
Cold crcam-the cream Of society.

Dyed-in-the-wool-defun sheep.
Cold crcam-thc cream Of society.
The state OF single bessedness-Miss.
Never kick an electric light wire when it is
down.
The only thing ever cured by faith is cure
faith.
Railroad passes have hypnotised whole leg
islatures.
Yeast is not an article that grows, but 1t is
easily raised.
Nearly everything that man likes to do is
bcd for him.
Sometimes stage "supe" is only broth
Of 10y"
Life is trlly not worth the living unless 1t
be useful life.
The elevator is like the editor--it makes a
long story short.
Porn in the garrett, Ia the kitchen bred-the
domestic roach.
Line for 20 It's albnm: 'Scap" deferred
maketh bard sick.
A close mouth calls for few assessments and
pays big dividends.
At Ia-tr-heads-TE tramps working the
81 n pile Of beer Ee :.
"IIo )c,n says rcssimist, sis q humbug
which takes everybody in.
| In the construct on OF monuments granite
| Is oft n put TO base purpose.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

There's a good deal Of
guarantee business in the store
keeping of to-day. It's too
excessive. Or too reluctant.
Half the time it means moth
ing. Words mLy aO0ras.
This offer to refund the
money, or to pay a reward, is
made under the hope that you
won't want your money back,
and that you won't claim the
reward. Of course.
So, whoever is honest in
making it, and works-not on
his own reputation alone, but
through the local dealer when
you know, must have sonie-
thing he has faith in back Of
the guarantee. The business
wouldn't stand a year with
out it.
What is lacking is conf
dence. Back of that, what is
lacking is that clear honesty
which is above the average
practice"
DR.. Pierce's medicines are
guaranteed to accomplish what
they are intended to do, and
their makers give the money
back if the result isn't APP
parent.
Doesn't it strike you that
a medicine which the makers
have so much confidence in,
is the medicine for you?
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Just Reflect.
Mail and female-a corset.
August
Flower

How does he feel Pile feels
cranky, and is constantly expert
menting, dieting himself, adopting
strange notions, and changing the
cooking, the dishes, the hours, and
manner of his eating-August
Flower the Remedy.
How does he feel?-He feels at
times a gnawing, voracious, insati
able appetite, wholly unaccoantable,
unnatural and unhealthy August
Flower the Remedy.
! How does he feel?--he feels no
desire to go to the table and 4
grumbling, fault-hnding, over-niCe
ty about what is set before him when
he is there-August Flower the
Remedy.
How does he feel Pie feels
after a spell Of this abnormal appe-
tite an utter adherence, loathing,
and detestation of food as if a
mouthful would kill him-August
Flower the Remedy.
How does he feel?-Hc has ir-
regular bowels and peculiar stools
August Flower the Remedy. @
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

There is more eatarrh IN this section OF the
country than all other diseases put together
and until the last few years was supposed to
be incurable For great many years doctors
pronounced it Il local disease, and prescribed
remedies, and by constantly falling to cure
with local treatment, pronounced it incurable.
Science has proven catarrh to be a constitu-
tioual disease, aud therefore requires consti-
tutional treatment. Halls Catarrh Cure man
ulactured by +. j. Cheney u Co., Toledo,
Ohio, is the only constitutional cure on the
market. 1t is taken internally in doses from
10 drops to a tablespoonful, 1t acts directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces OF the
system They offer one hundred dollars for
any case it fails to cure. Send for circulars
and testimonials. Address,
+. j. CHENEY ~ CO., Toledo, o.
r-SS~ Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
The NAPLES of America

Is the very applicable term used by good
writer in refci ring TO the fine city Of Corpus
Christi, Texas. Located on beautiful ellis
that rise 40 feet above the water OF a beautiful
bay. Refreshing sea breezCs, the coolest sum
mer and the mildest winter weather, with the
best health record of any city. Good schools
and chur shcs. Northern terminal OF he &.
c. Il s. A. Railway. Pan American Route,
which offers the best and cheapest hCmes TO
the settlers along its lines that can be found:
Land is cheap and on terms to suit Plenty OF
rain and good crop is always as ur2d. Fruit
of tvary kind. Write the undersigned at
Fontanele, Iowa, for reliable printed matter
and information concerning this section. NJ.
A. RAINY, Asst Gen. Pass. Agent.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
ADomestic Incident.

Mrs. Younglovc-- that lovely pin
cushion, Algernon.
Mr.. Iounglove--Ycs, dear.
Sand you'll find 1t so handy on your
dressel."
.'Yes, dear.n
"And you won't s.old If tell you'"
"No, dear"
'Iknew you wouldn't care for those ties;
an -"
- - - -, bang"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
"Boo, hoo, boo, hoo!n
Jealous Terrier.

Two millionaires were fighting 10 the Ne.
vada bank when a terrier which had been
calmly watching the ARRAY from beneath its
eyebrows turned TO the president OF the bank
and said : 1t seems pity that they should
be worrying one another 10 that way. Have
YOU no rats about the paccN
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Married for Money.

On the promen lde:
Flora Lightly-Who was that gentleman
who bowed as he passed uss
Laura Fhghtly-Hes Why, l declare. 1t
looks like Augustus.
Flora-And who is Augustusl
Laura-You silly goose. Why, Mr.. Flight
", to be sure There must have been fire at
his club. This is only the third time l have
seen him away from it since we were married.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
The Ladies' neIiDhted

The pleasant effect and the perfect safety
with which ladies may use the liquid fruit lax
alive, Syrup of Figs, under all conditions
make 1t their favorlte remedy. 1t is Pleasing
to the eye and to the taste, gentle, yet eifcc-
tual in acting on the kidneys, liver and
bowels.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
In n Restaurant.

waiter said man who had been cX-
haustng his strength trying TO put knife
through an alleged steak Il wish you would
bring me file, "a nice, sharp file" -,
what are you going to do with the he"
asked man at the same table.
"Going to file these articles Of incorpora'
tom
And the steak shed bitter gravy.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
What n PITY.

CAPTAIN Bitters-Deucc take it! my dear
III ige. don't know what ails me this morn
ing. | can't eat a morsel.
Judge Jaggers-Perhaps, captain. you have
taken something that does not agree with
Captain Bittcrs-By iingol Ibid. l got a
swallow Of water while | was brushing my
teeth Waiter, give me double brandy cock
tail. Quick, and fetch the To5ssco sauce.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

lncandescent lamps placed near the
telling will cause it to blacker, con-
trary to general belief. The blasken'
ing is not due to unconsumcd carbon,
but to current of hot air which de
posts black part 'cles on contact VIII Z
cold surface.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

"Oh. Charley" said the sweet Young thug,
as she nestled a trife closer to him, II am
glad you are not one Of those Indians"
well, | should hope so; but why, partieu'
larly.'
And then he was glad that hadn't happened
to him.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

When D&by was sick, we gave her Ccstoria,
When she was q Child, she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
a Girl Worth Hayiu

After reading Mr.. Gray's experience in tie
Il Co., GAINESVILLE, Ohio, for a Platter, and
cleared $50 in a week. Isn't this pretty good
for girl. There is tableware and jewelry to
plate at every house; then, why should any
person be out of employment with such an OPP
nnrtnnitY at hand.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
An Excellent Substitute.

Bloober-Mabel has refused me- am des-
perate! O, for war cloud, that might be-
come a soldier of fortune and bare my breast
to pitiless lead! -.
Van Leer (yawnine)--You might get job
as electric light liueman.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
With Modern improvements.

Dashaway-Miss Summit, / would suggest
that your Younger brother be asked to leave
the room, as have something of the utmost
importance to say to YOU
Miss Summit am afraid he will have to
stay, Mr.. Dashaway. In affairs OF this kind
find that Tommy's services as a shorthand
writer are absolutely Indispensable.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
No Doubt of 1t.

ais this a sleeping car!n asked CONNER
cial traveller, as he stuck his head out OF his
berth
''Ies, sah.n
"WeII, wake it up, won't you, and sec
whether 1t won't move"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Back Number Restaurant.

Chauncey Depcw says: 81 lately got iet-
ter prasing my speeches and saying: so
much have they impressed me that have but
one grand wish. wish to listen to the speech
you Here reached the end of the page.
On turning the sheet over | read the rest.
would make after a dinner in your railway
restaurant at PoughkeeTsie'"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Are Y0u In It2

Arklight-I see that you have shut oil all
the gas in YOUR house and are using nothing
but candles. What is that for!
Darklight-Merely out of curiosity. want
TO see if It will make any difference in the
hills
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
One Advantage.

in the dressing room:
Miss Gotham-Say, girls, one of you has got
on my rubbers and has left this horrid worn
pair In their place.
Miss Chicago (proudly)-l am glad that al
least am above suspicion.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Chicago ia Tired.

Trusty Henchman-Our bill TOR the i'm
proyement OF Goose river won't go through
I've counted noses. There's a sig majority
against 1T. Whatll we do.
Eminent Statesman grinding his teeth
Do! Sheath! Boycott the worlds fair
again.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

All that re can say as to the merits OF Dob
Tins Electric Soap, pales Into no.hingaess be-
fore the story it will tell you itself, of its own
perJect quality if you will give it one trial.
Don't take imitation. There are lots OF them
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

No Safer Remedy can be had for Coughs
and Colds, or any trouble of the Throat, than
"Brown's bronchial Trochss." Price rs cts.
Sold only IN b0Ies.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

get the genuine DIR. Bulls Cough Syrupl Do
not let the dealer sell You some "just as
good,'' but insist upon getting the genuine
with the Bulls Head trademark on the wrap
ppr
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Take the burlington Route" {. B. & Q. r.
+. in connection with the Denver ~ Rio
Grande Il. Il. the scenic line of the world,
for all points in New Mexico, Utah, Nevada,
Montana. Idaho, Washington and California.
Enquire of, or write to E. A. Hunter, Gener
al Agent, 232 Fourth street, kirkwood House
block, Des AIoineS.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

In the Pacific coast states, at least,
the potato crop has not been failure.
In some parts of southern Oregon
from Sc. 900 to 10000 pounds of pota-
toes have been raised from single
acre. ---
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Mrs. Winslow's SOothing syrup, fOr Chill
dren tcething, softcns tho gums reduces innamma-
ton allays pain. cures wind collie. 2jc. q bottle.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
It's English.

The sktrt-dancc girls from London's shores
Would here be cIassed variety;
But just because they're English born
We speak of them as ''gaiety.n
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Any one in possession of % cents can go to
the nearest drug store and procure a bottle Of
Salvation Oil and be cured at once of rheuma-
tism neuralgia or any pain or ache,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Tie person who is fond of ascertaining his
weight can be accused of having weighward
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

No man can always tell what is the right
thing TO do, but he can come pretty near tell
ing every time what is the wrong thing.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

When Worth fashions the garments of
righteousness they're not cut on the bias-nor
I'll Do.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Swedish Asthma Cure never falls.
Send address. Trial package mailed free
Collins Brothers Drug Co., st. Louis, Mo-
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

A young man is often frightened when about
to pop the question. but It ought to be easy to
tell his love when his heart is In his mouth.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Garfield Tea Ia Guaranteed. If rot
satisfactory return package and get money
back Cures sick headache.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Where ignoracce is bliss tits folly to open
your husbands letters.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Nine American Wonders.

The devil never asks anybody to 60 further
than the next corner to begin with.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

The man able 10 divine all the mysteries Of
eternity could sec around three corners of
a brick meeting house.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26
Inst Showed Him.

Chicago Judge--Upon what grounds do you
ask divorce, madamei
Mrs. Lakesdc--Your honor, my husband
does not believe In divorces.
Chicago Judge-Divorce granted.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

1t is difficult to bear with friends infrmi-
ties when you have to lug him home on one
of his off nights.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

The Nine American Wonders are % Vel
RIVER ISTe g, MaDitou Oh CS'o ~ !" South Park
Colo, 90 Echoes and Weber Cannons, Utah,
(6) Great Salt Lake, Utah. q Great Shoshonc
Falls, (S) Clear Creek Cannon, Coy Gray's
Peak, Colo. All of these points are reached
by taking the Chicago, st. Paul & Kansas City
(Diagon2D r. r. The only line running com
partment Vestihule Sleeping Cars. J. II.
GREEN, Gen'l. Ag't, 80 4th ST., Des Moines.
Ministers spend their whole lives preaching
against wicLedness, and yet it is out of wick
edness that ministers get their living.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

Council is good thing, but fS is better 10
take counsel Of ones own indiscretion than of
another mans.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

When woman makes visit for the pur-
pose of exhibiting her new dress it may be
considered clothes call.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-02-26

An open winter has no visible connection
with open doors, but they seem to travel in
company.