The record-union., 1891-06-06
ON THE CARS.
The Great Advantages of TuIe Hay
for Frisky Horses.
Assessor Irvine's Chinese Deputy
How Butcher Laid Out Com
mercial Man.


Supervisor Bates was discussing pro-
duce with party of gentlemen as they
rode out in blue bobtail car.
"There will be no kick this year, you
can bet on that" said Mr.. Bates, ''crops
could not look better. Why, was out in
the country the other day and was sur
prised to see how flourishing everything
was-fruit, grain and hay. Never saw
hay looking BETTER"
''Oh. WE'LL" said contractor Bob Parker,
''it's always sure shot for good hay in
Sacramento County. There's never
failure on that to amount to anything"
Don't you believe it,'' rejoined the
Supervisor. "I've seen it here when hay
was as costly as coal is now. Why, in '65
we didn't have any hay at all. Stockmen
had to go down the river and cut this tule
hay, in order to keep their stock alive.
That was a great year. and you wouldn't
believe it, but that tule hay was fine
thing for men who owned horses. Didn't
have to take any halters and hitching-
straps along with you them days-never
any fear of runaways."
How was that-feed too heavy?"
mo - to long. You see that darned
.
length, and when it's strung out horse
can chew all day on one string. Instead
of hitching- posts they had feed-racks
along the streets, and all q fellow had to
do when he wanted to hitch up, was to
put some tule hay in the rack and leave
his team there, it was safe enough. His
horse or horses were securely tied to the
rack as soon as they began to chew"
"Humph! That's quite yarn," said
Mr.. Parker, somewhat incredulously.
''But, l say. Bates, suppose fellow
wanted to continue his journey-heid
have to wait until the hay was all masti-
Gated wouldn't he?''
NAV! Course not. All he had to do
was to take out his shearS-they all car
ried shears then-and sever the hay close
to the nag's mouth. 1t was just as simple
as A, B, c. Oh, them were great days,
j tell YOU"
Assessor Irvine was explaining to a
select party of friends how he was en-
titled to the credit of being the smartest
official Sacramento County ever had.
You see," said he, my predecessors
always experienced great difficulty in
collecting Chinese poll-tax. Now my
books Will show the largest Chinese col
lections probably ever known"
How did you do it ?" was asked.
why, it was just one of my brilliant,
original ideas. | found out that white
men had been failures as collectors of
Chinese poll-tax, so / appointed as one
of my deputies a smart Chinaman. The
result has been wonderful. He just piled
the money in. They couldn't work the
mo sabe' racket on him, and he scared
them to death with his star"
Have you still got him ?"
Yes, but he's not so lively now. You
see he went out into the country, and
after he had collected from all the Chi
nese farm hands, he, like Alexander, the
taI do ~
He tackled an Irish laborer down at the
Freeport brick-kiln, and got the life
nearly kicked out of him. That was an
unfortunate break. You can imagine
the effect when a Cbinaman flashes a
police star on an Irishman. Red flags
and bulls are not in it with that"
''Doctor.r Butcher Morrison prides
himself on the fact that he has never met
his equal in ory-telling-he has never
been outdone on a tough yarn.
But the doctor got into rather close
quarters day or two ago while taking a
ride out on the electric cars
There was hop-man and two CONNER
cial travellers in the party beside the
doctor" and one of the commercial
men threw down the gauntlet to the ''doc-
tor" The latter smiled griInly-as only
he can smile-and bade his young oppo-
nent proceed. The young man chose as
his subject hot weather, and located the
story in Mexico. And it was truly
''corker'-one that would have made
any one but our own invincible ''doctor''
quail.
But the latter only smiled grimly again.
well, +" said he when the young man
had finished, that's pretty good one
that must have been pretty hot weather
but it's nothing 10 what / saw once down
in Arizona. l was stopping in hotel
down there which was next to a hard
ware store. One day-and it was regu-
lar scorcher, tool was shaving myself
in my room when l heard a terrible
racket in the hardware place. The clatter
was deafening and | thought a cyclone
must have struck the place. Dropping
my razor / rushed down stairs and into
the store and what do you suppose it
WASP Why, the bottoms of all the tin
pals, scuttles, milk-cans and the like,
which were hanging to the ceiling, We're
all falling out and rafting on the floor
The hot weather was Just melting all the
solder off and it was the funniest thing I
ever see. But il didn't seem to bother
any of those folks down there They
considered it only an average warm
day"
The commercial man looked dazed, and
for time it seemed that he was going to
throw up the sponge. A long pull at a
little bottle which the hop-man carried
however. revived him, and after ac-
knowledging that the doctors" story
was a Jim dandy" remarked that he
would try again.
This time the young man chose swim
ming as his text. He told weird yarn
about shipwreck in mid-ocean. All
hands had gone down except himself and
he could not even find a stick of wood
with which to help keep himself afloat
After padding about for three days-try-
ing TO get his bearings so as TO strike out
for AuStralia-he came upon a huge float
ing sunfish. This was good fortune in
deed. He climbed upon the fish's back,
and, after taking much-needed
rest and drying his clothes, he
woke up the 1ioater and coaxed it to
swim shoreward. At the end of two
months he arrived at an uncivilized set
tlement of Malays, where he had many
more strange experiences before reaching
home again.
All expected TO see the doctor" fee
from his adversary in terror. But they
didn't know him. The old gentleman
thought for moment. Seems TO me !"
he said, that I've read that yarn in the
Arabian Nights, or some other book
It's good one, but then it doesn't touch
an experience that l had when l first
arrived in California way back in 100.
Me and a couple of others wanted to take
trip down Green River, so we built a
raft. 1t floated along all right until the
logs all got soaked and then it began to
sink little by little, until nothing but our
heads were sticking out of the water.
Then the raft got water-logged, and didn't
sink any further. But we were still
in a tight place, as we couldn't get
off the raft, and we were getting wetter
all the TIME. When this had been going
on for three weeks we commenced to get
a little nervous, for we all felt that il
fNo -rNff,a