The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-01-30
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
The Romans etched their public re
orGls on brass.

The Romans etched their public rec
orls on brass.
Man is power in the land, but
after all. he can't get married without
woman's conscnt.--Drake' S Magazine.
-Tom-''Gct an invitation to Charles
wedding?" Jack (gleefully)-'No. Did
your" Tom (sadly)-"Yes. Lend me
tenner. Yankee Blade.
-Teacher-''You say there are six
senses? Why, have only five" Scholar
Il know it, sir. The sixth one is com
mon sense. Detroit Free Press.
Timely Advicc.-He-''I feel COM
pletely Frustrated. l wish | We're dead"
She-"Well, why don't you let me send
for a doctor?"-B brooklyn Life.
Artillery Lieutenant lin the way OF
a compliment) -''Ah, my dear young
lady, but your lools-your glarces go
right home. Every ones a bulls eye"
-Fliegende Blaetter.
Watts Wonder why they always
call locomotive 'shc?'" Potts-''May
be it is on account of the horrible noise
it makes when it tries to whistle. In
dianapolis Journal.
Are there still active volcanoes in
existence?" said the pupil. 30, yes,
indeed" replied the Professor absently.
''By the way, are you acquainted with
my wife?"--St. Joseph News.
Professor Patterby--"D Define the diff
,ference between wit and humor, Mr..
. Fresh" Jack Fresh--''Wit is written
by the paragraph and humor by the
column"
Yes, once failed for hundred
thousand" remarked the red-headed
man who hadn't treated yet. you see,
the girl was worth that in her own right
and refused me. "-Philadelphia Times.
Accounted For.-"There was a
guard on the T. road this morning who
pronounced the names of the stations as
clearly as Booth could" Il know the
man you mean. He is a Russian. IN.
Y. Sun.
Can women be the heads of bust
ness firms in this country?" Yes, but
there's one position they never assume
if married" The senior member?'
mo, the silent partner. "-Philadclphia
Times.
She - Edward, the minister has
asked me to sing at the concert for the
church fund. and I" He eagerly
80, go by all means, | never did have
much love for that parson or his congre-
CATION either" -Demorcst'S Monthly.
--Simpson-''Whatev induced your
uncle to marry the widow of man who
was hung?" Jimpson-''He had been
married to widows before, and says he
was tired Of having the virtues of former
husbands constantly flung in his face. u
Epoch.
In Russia Oficial-"You can not
stay in this country, sir" Traveller
''Then I'll leave it." Official-''EIave
you permit to leave?" Traveler-''No,
sir" Olficial-''Then you can not go.
leave you twenty-foar hours to make up
your mind as to what you shall do" IN
Y. Sun.
--Teacher-'I don't see why you
can't understand this rule in arithme
tic Johnny. 1t didn't take me five min
utes to understand it when it was first
explained to me-" .Johnny-"Perhaps
your teacher explained it to you better
West Shore.
"A stylishly dressed young lady "aS
walking down Il back street in Il country
town the other day, her chatelainC
creating such an abominable din thai
she attracted the notice of two loafers
Say, Bill" said one, ''wot's that ere
thing?" Dunno" said the other, ''bu
l should think hers dealer in Scral
iron. "-Demorest's Monthly.
Grammatical Item. "Mishter Sill
verstein," said Nose 5chumburg to his
clerk, "chump up on dose ladders anc
hand me down dose Schcntlemanly nm
lervear." 1T vas not correct to say
dose ladders" replied the clerk, wh'
prides himself on his knowledge o
grammar. II know dot better den you
Mr.. Silverstein; and ven say dose lad
ders,' you may be sure | have some par
ticular reason Wy l say dose ladders. -
Texas SiftingS.