The Princeton union., 1891-03-05


| ssHave you made your choice?" in.
sinuated the clerk in low voice,
without changing his attitude.
"But there is such q variety!" re.
piled the desperate young man.
The clerk accepted the compliment
with polite smile.
"You mustyourselfadmit," "contin-
ued the stranger, ''ths.t hesitation is
excusable under the circumstances.
"Perhaps it would be we'll to visit
the establishments" -~.>
"That will suit me exactly"
"Whenever it will please you to do
So" ..... q.
For the first time the two clerks
disassociated their work; one opened
the office door and stepped aside to
allow the guest to pass, and the door
indicated the way with an almost
affectionate wave of the hand. The
young mans first impulse was to
obey; but at the second step he
changed his mind, and said, timidly:
81 should first like to know how
much-in short, the terms
"The price, sir" replied from the
| end of the room the voice of Mr..
Richard Utterex himself, who had
just come in, ''varies with the class
Of accommodation desired and guests
pay only on leaving the house,
The young stranger seeming still
undecided, his conductor gently
placed his hand upon his arm and
invited him to follow. Giving up all
thought of resistance he obeyed, and
began his tour of Euthanasia Villa.
In the large vestibule of spacious
staircase the visitor was shown, with
a reverential bow, which he involun-
tarily initiated, a large statue of the
great Schopenhauer. the patron of
of the institution. Then they pro-
ceeded up stairs.
A door opened; it was the chamber
called the Pistol Shot. Like all the
other rooms in the house, this was
light and elegantly furnished in mod
ern style. AS in all the others, too,
it's principal ornament was a hand
some coffin in carved ebony; the cover
was cross wise on the box, as though
awaiting it's occupant. There were
several divans and reclining chairs
about the room, the bed was in rose
wood.
Every thing is conducted here with
the most perfect discretion" said the
guide; "a system of electrical cur
rents, moved by the report, divides
in two, lengthwise, whatever piece of
furniture the guest had chosen to
commit suicide on; long basket
receives the body before it has
had time to stain the furniture or the
floor with a single spot. Kindly OBJ
serve that the walls are upholstered
with thickness of four mattresses,
SO that it is impossible for anyone on
the other side of the partition to hear
the faintest sound, however powerful
the firearm used, even though it were
a small Krupp cannon, such as you
see there in the corner. Guests have
all the time they wish; we never hurry
them. Each room is provided with
a library abundantly furnished with
the most melancholy works. Schop-
enhauer has been translated for US
into all the languages of the Old and
New Worlds. Those ten shelves are
full of novels that end badly. Upon
the eleventh. preachers of various re-
ligions sound the praises Of death.
Some serious philosophers and a few
poets, Lucretius and Leopard, oc-
cupy the twelfth shelf. AS for
the conveniences of life (be-
fore departing), they leave moth
ing to be desired. A telephone in
each chamber communicates with the
office. Orders for meals or whatever
else is wanted are executed with tho
utmost promptness by faceless au-
donations; we keep a whole company
of them here. This delicate attention
on Mr.. Utterex's part is generally
very highly appreciated, for people
who are so disgusted with life that
they are ready to commit suicide
wish to see the human face no more.
Finally, will you kindly examine the
racks?-there you will find either
terrible, elegant or brutal instru-
ments of sudden death.''
The visitor took down a pistol and
examined it.
"Be careful, they are allloaded.
One by one the stranger saw all
the philanthropic ideas imagined by
Mr.. Richard Utterex. In the Asphy-
xia Chamber, after having explained
the perfect Instructions that pre-
vent air from enteriug when once
the door is closed, the clerk proposed
to the visitor a brief experience, so
that he might judge for himself OF it's
efficiency. This offer, which is rare
~ accepted, was declined, as charcoal
and laughing-gas have but little at
traction except as a last resort.
Tuberoses tempt more, most of the
suicide neophytes being afflicted with
sentimentalism. Large masses of
fresh flowers were ever ywhere about
the chamber, harmonizing with the
designs of the carpet and the hang
ings.
"If you would like a special essence
you can have it, for we cultivate all
kinds OF plants in the large conserva-
tory adjoining the hotel.'
mo, it is very complete as it isl
And the inspection was resumed.