Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1891-05-30
PITH AND POINT.

Horse cents-Cab-tafe.
"Sandy Scotland's
Run to earth Electric wires.
A winning way--The coal dealers.
A defective utterance - I'vo done
wrong"
Tbs daily paper is not happy, though
its "Wants" are few.
awe meet but to part, as tho comb
said to the brush.-HarD1rd Ldmpoon.
charge ye, travellers, though little charge,
Come in mine inn mine income TO enlarge.
Judge
Pessimism is a sort OF intellectual in
digestion; at least il comes from things
that don't agree with us, Puck.
When a lawyer pays court to his aspi.
rations there is a strong suggestion OF
judicial bribery II Boston Courier.
Some men are like hotel towels; they
have only to absorb small amount Of
moisture to be made useless. Puck.
"An eye for an eye quoted the pa
tient who was having glass eye sub
stituted for blind one. --iepcleys'
Circular.
II we all had the gift to see ourselves
as others see US very few OF MS would DO
persuaded to act rs grand marshal In a
holiday parade. --Neg York Recorder.
my good names gone, its lostla Frei cried.
How did you lose itT queried Bella,
"Tis gone forever, he replied,
TWAS carved on my new silk umbrella"
- Nrtr York Press
A Natural Inquiry; Wagg--''What
are you doing nowp Wooden--"Oh,
I'm living by brain work. Wagg-"I
want to knowl Whose -Boston
Courier.
"This is a magnificent place, sir.
Why, ten years ago came here with
nothing but the clothes on my back"
"And nowl" "Ive got another Shirt
-BdSar.
SIN practicing the banjo" writes a
teacher, 'don't get discouraged. " That's
wise. You can safely leave that for tho
persons who have 10 listen to you. ---Nsio
York Recorder.
A Different Set: "You mustn't asso-
ciate with chickens, said Mother Duck
to her Ducklings. "Why not, mammal"
because they are not in the swim. -
Brooklyn Life
Bowles-'T must introduce you 70
Pearl Jingleby, you'll find her
charming. Knowlcs-"I know her
mother. 7 don't like mother Of Pearl"
-Jcoolers' Circular.
Biggens-''Did you know that Mr..
Bituminous il dcadi" Diggens--"No;
he must have died suddenly. What
killed him7n Biggcns He heard that
in Chill dealers got S55 ton for coal"
--Pittsburg Dispatch.
The power Of the press is nowhere
more clearly demonstrated than when a
journalist at the altar by the side Of his
bride draws out his notebook so as 70
take down in shorthand tho words OF tho
clergyman. ~ Ftiegoads Blastter.
Teacher-"Willie, suppose You have
five marbles sammy, there says; 4
will give you seven more. How .many
will you have then, altogether" Willie
just five, ma'am. He'd only DO .
coddin'. You don't know him rs well
do. ~ Aicago Tribune.
"Mary,p said the lady Of tho house
as the cook was leaving, ~ think you
are treating me shamefully leaving with.
out days notice" Indeed, I'm
sorry, mum, an il a reference win be Of
any use to you, mum, III give you ono
cheerfully. "--Msb York Recorder.
"wilt take little smack with mslp
They ioitsred BY the siilful sea
Then dropped her lashes modestly,
And mildly. meekiy biushin',
She said II VIII participate
in such diversions ~ you state,
II you the same will designate
A labial conclusion
boston Courier
nYes,p said the scientist, az be took .
drink OF water from the glass that rested
on the table at his elbow, "the TEN.
perature Of the moon is something over
100 degrees below zero the year round.
A local coal dealer who sat In the audi
ence heayed deep sigh and and thought
so bard for the next half hour that his
hair actually curled up tight 70 bis head.
---Fecks Sun.
~ Ny poor man, inquired the kind
hearted gentleman who was visiting the
prison, &" do you mind telling me what
brought you here " {" No, sir. an
swered the short haired man ia cell No.
676, 1T was whisky" 81 thought
So" Yes, said the prisoner, with
heavy sigh, elf hadn't been drunk,
you bet your life they never'd a-ketched
me. - Chicago TrJuns."
"There's young doctor up town who
win have 10 improve his methods Or he
will never have patients enough 10 main
tain him. A woman came 10 10 see him
only two days ago, looking baggard and
pale. 'fWeli,p be said, what is itlp
I'm troubled with insomnia" she
sighed "What shall I do for it1''
"sleep il of, madam; sleep It OF, " hs
advised CURLY, and asked her for e.
Detroit free Pres.
Artificial Grindafouea