Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-09-12
PREYING UPON THE UNsUsPECTING.
They DO Not Break in and Steal, but They
Get the swag.

PREYING uPoN THE USsUspECrING.
They DO Not Break in and Steal, but They
Get the swag.
IS HAD A MOST ANNOYING EXPERT
Il eace the other day." said Noodles last
night at the Platypus Club. "As 1 was enter
ing the front door of my house. returning at
about 430 p. N. from my work at the foreign
office, found a man in the hallway who WAS
busily engaged in gathering several silk and
derby hats from the rack. Said he:
How dye do?'
Very well, thank you replied.
1.-THE fellow. while he spoke, continued TO
denude the hat tree, adding:
~ am taking these gents hats to be
blocked
"A thought struck me-
I'D like it very much if you would take
mine also, said l. Can you wait a moment
for it,
with pleasure responded the man affs-
bly,.
Il ran upstairs as quickly as could. got NV
best stovepipe out OF its box-it had suffered
temporary injury IN a shower the day be-
fore-and fetched il down.
THAT'S all right observed the fellow. ia
ia, dear boy. Remember me to your mother
Now. that last remark OF his almost aWak-
ened my suspicion. not only because 1t struck
me as unduly familiar, but also for the reason
that have no mother at present surviving. |
watched the man as he disappeared around the
next corner with certain sense OF misgiying,
which was evidently justified, inasmuch
one has seen him or heard OF him siuce. What
bothcrs me most il that the other men in the
house appear to regard ne as responsible for
the loss Of their own tiles"
TTMPKISs' ExprRIEScE
Timpkins laughed vociferously ut this anec-
dote and required an additional cocktail before
he was able to respond with story of his own.
''Since was married" he said, strange
things have seemed to happen to me somehow.
whereas my life as a bachelor was uneyentfui
if comparatively unenjoyablc. About two
weeks ago my wife was called by the servant to
the front door and given a horrifyiIS message.
to the effect that l had met with an accident
down town. The man who fetched notice of
the matter came in a cart and said that a mat
tress was required Immediately.
lis he seriously hurtT demanded nay wife
wildly
Nothing fatal ma'am, believe answered
the person; but a mattress is needed at once
to bring him home on.
"'HaIr or feathersP inquired Mrs. Timpkins,
wringing her hands.
The driver of the cart reflected for q mo-
ment earnestly. and then said suddenly:
Hair of course!
llidu was hlfll enough uClp nv VIE
and the servant to bring the best hair mattress
down stairs. l had paid sS5 for it only last
month"
Hadn't 1 better give you some pil.owsY
asked Mrs. T., half HISTORICALLY.
by all means, ma am, replied the man.
$50 presently the mattress and half dozen
pillows were carted away. / came home an
hour later and found my wife fairly dis
tracted.
Then you weren't hurt, after all, Ed
ward? she said, after explanations had been
made.
This is the first I've heard of it, an
swered. But what has become of the mattress
and pillows?'
That is question have been trying to
solve ever since, but have given up all notion
of ever finding out"
Snoopkins lighted another cigar and exhib-
tied symptoms of having something to say.
THE LASDLApY WAS oBIIGIyG.
THAT reminds me-" said he, .'of little
game that was played on the landlady at my
boarding house year back. At about 10 in
the morning, after had gone out. a man rang
the door bell in great hurry and asked for
the proprie.ress, Mrs. Buggins. lie an
nounced that he came a messenger from me.
According to his account | had fallen down in
the middle of PENNSYLVANIA avenue and so be-
mired my attire that il impossible for me
to come home. Therefore. as he represented.
Of clothes, for which i was anxioasly waiting
in a beer saloon near the Department of State.
OF course, Mrs. Buggins obeyed. wrapping my
new cutaway coat with waistcoat and lovely
striped trousers. neatly in brown paper and
handing them over to the alleged messenger.
When came home there was an eclaircisse-
ment. Ny landlady took refuge in tears and
counted myself out one exceedingly swell
costume. 1t goes without saying that the
affair a swindle clear through.
A. aud hour "a.
ably with one executed upon big fiat house in
which two maiden aunts of mine once resided.
La the absence of the janitor one day three men
came and took up every stair and hall carpet
in the building, saying that they had been in
structed to take them to the cleaners. None
Of the tenants knew otherwise and the thieves
drove cooily away with their booty, which
never recovered. There was another similar
case that heard OF, where a big wagon made
its appearance in front of a dwelling that was
full of the best furniture and taken away, MOTH
! ing being afterward heard Of it,"
THE THIN MAN WAVED FAT.
Noodles called for another package Of cigar
cites and remarked that he had true story
which could beat the others hollow
Zone time friend of mine named Poppsby
was staying at hotel in New York city. While
reading newspaper in the lobby on the first
floor he saw a man enter who struck him as the
most hopelessly ca daverous individual he had
ever beheld in his life. The person actually
seemed to be walking skeleton. such are
| exhibited before appreciativo audiences at
dime Museums Becoming reabsorbed IA the
mornings news, he thought no more about the
! matter until, about half an hour later, he W
coming down the stairs enormously tat man.
! wrapped up-for it was winter-in a big over
| coat.
1T occurred to him to surmise whether or not
the hostelry which afforded him a shelter was
| resort for freaks. However, he dismissed the
Question and it did not happen that he thought
of the thing again until he went up to his room
| a while afterward. Perceiving the key in the
door he was reminded that he mad been SO for
| getfui as to leave il there. but his horror can
better be imagined than described when,
entering his apartment. he found al his be-
longings scattered promiscuousiy on the floor
what was left of them. that is to say. All hts
| shirts had vanished, four suits OF clothes had
gone, every one OF his neckties had disappeared;
| in fact. a thoroughly clean sweep had been
made Of his wardrobe. Subsequent inquiry
developed the undoubted fact that the thin man
! who had gone up and the fat man who had
come down, wearing all OF Poppsbys garments,
| were one and the same person. 1t Is needless
| to say that the robber was never captured"
He Ought to Know.
From Texas siftinga
DR. Fowler having had occasion n freat IN.