Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-01-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOh OF IHE DAf.
Playing the gentleman-The bunco
steerer.
Dry books cannot be expected to
satisfy a, rst for knowledge.-Puck.
"No; shakespeare never repeats"
eyes; X noticed it in his autograph"
Washington's most famous ride was
when he took hack at the tree. = Wash
angton Star.
Flute-'I wish could get out on a
toot. -uitar-"Well, go, there are no
= gs on you. "--Puct.
The moon shines down for two short weeks,
And then rest while it seeks,
While on the clouds the fairies sit,
And try to shine it up bit
Judge.
There's time for everything. Taking
off your boots after you get in bed indi-
Gates high old time. -Binghamston
Leader.
A woman may not be able to find her
pocket, but she never has it filled with
letters she has forgotten to mail.-Elmira
Gazette.
':This is the worst snap ever struck"
remarked the wooucLuck when he got
caught in a steel trap.-Binghamton Re
publican.
This world IS like fruit basket. The
big and attractive get on top, while the
little ones are crushed out of sight In the
bottom.-Puck.
A worm has been discovered which
leeds on steel. There seems to be such a
thing as hard eating as well as hard
drinking PUCK.
You must call me early, mother,
For I'm learning politics;
Learning how to prove another
Mans half dozen isn't six.
-Rttsburg Bulletin.
Maddox-"I suppose you call that
politician Razor because he ;sso sharp"
Gazzam-"No; because he has pull"
--Ne,o York Sun.
The reason why women do not pro-
pose is supposed to be due to the fact
that they want to have the last word.--
Boston Transcript.
.'Do you distrust fat men, Captain2'
tWell, no" returned the old sea dog;
mot exactly, but always give them a
WIDE berth. ."-Ha'per's Basar.
This world is like crowded bus,
A few good men, perhaps,
May find seat, but most of us
Must hang on by the straps.
Chicago Journal.
When a man goes upstairs late at night
and skips every other step in an endeavor
to keep quiet he always seems to skip
the steps that don't reak.-Elmira
Gazette.
Budgkins (about to get his life insured)
-"Now, what kind of policy would you
advise?" Blinkins-'Well, I've always
heard honesty very highly recommended.
Boston Post.
Father-"Why don't you worka" Son
-''Why, am as busy as bee." Father
-"You do nothing but eat" Son
well, that is all the bees are doing Just
now. ."-Neo York Herald.
A man with a feverish love of gold
Will find no sure cure nor reliever,
Because in all life's list of ills,
One of the worst is yellow fever
philadelphia Times.
The Edge Was Taken Off.-Maid Ito
aesthetic mistress)-'tWhat, madam. is
broke in French?" Madam-.sCasse."
Maid-''Oh, yes. Well, l think your
royal Worcester centerpiece is casse."-
Anserican Stationer.
Doctor-''I have the pleasure of in
forming you, Mr.. Captious, that you are
the father of triplets." Mr.. C.-'sEx-
cuse me, Doctor, but as there have been
so many discrepancies in the census
lately, won't YOU oblige me with re-
count. ."-Mercury.
"Grindstone, were yor ever a candi-
date for Officer asked his friend. Eyes,
l went through campaign once as a
candidate" +" replied Grindstone, as look
OF pain fitted across his face, ''but l
lived it down, KiIjordan-I lived it
down. = Chicago Tribune.
s'Talk about extravaganza exclaimed
q Marseilles man, to whom some one
was recountiug the luxury of the Partisan
youth, "why, know two young men
who actually keep a couple of African
servants merely 60 bring up biack edged
letters. ."--Londoa GloJc