The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-05-28
WITTY AND HUMOROUS.
GEMS OH UMOR FROM VARIOUS
SOURCES.
A Mean Man--A Kentucky Break
FAST He Was the Man lit Work.
ed Both Ways--A Tender
Conscience.
A Mean M an.

- m6dIt WALL
"Now, gentleman" said the man
with the checked suit on, b. he briskly
entered the waiting-room, where more
than twenty OF us were sitting, "Ihave
no time for fooishness. Life is short,
and the man who expects to get there
must hustle. don't have much too
say, but what / do say is straight up
and down and good as the late
Thomas Jeffersons affidavit. l have
here liquid compound of my own
discovery. 1t is called 'The Fraud
Detector, and can be relied on every
day in the week. Sunday included.
One drop placed on bogus diamond,
n filled watch-case, or q roll-plate pin
Immediately exposes the cheat and
protects you from imposition. Who
takes the first bottle at twenty-five
cents?"
No one spoke, while every one SEEM
ed to hold his breath, and after look
ing over the crowd thefakir continued:
you've been swindled and imposed
upon, and you hesitate to buy good
thing. There are at least fifteen
watches and half dozen so-called
diamonds in this crowd. Who'll be
the first to pass us watch, pin, or
ring and let me test it?"
Not leaf stirred, and two-thirds of
the crowd actually turned pale.
"I'm waiting" remarked the man,
as he stood before us.
Everybody looked at the opposite
wall, and everybody wished he had
that chap out in the woods for about
three minutes,
"Oh, WELL" he continued, if you are
all built that way of course | can't
expect TO make any sales here. l
thought there might be one or two of
you with some straight jewelry, but
as there isn't and as don't want to
squeeze you too closely, I'll pass
on"
1t was q great relief to everybody
when he walked out, and the nxet five
minutes were spent in sly chances at
coach other. By and by got up and
walked out, stared at by all the
Others. found the agent outside on
q box laughing until he could hardly
sit up.
what kind OF guy is that?" I
asked.
"Best in the world. That's simply
q little cold coffee in the bottle, bat it
never fails to work. Try it from
Maine to California ard it always
scares crowd to death. Lands but
the whole convention of you turned
winter than snowfall ha! hal"
And the mantle Internal wretch
OF mantle hyena in human form
went off into such fit of laughter
that he fell off the box and rolled
against n crate of cucumbers on their
way to an early market.-N. Y. Sun.
A Kentucky Breakfast.
Never before had Chef Philips, of
the Auditorium hotel in Chicago, been
nonplused when asked to prepare q
meal. From cold lunch to
Lucullian banquet he had been at
home. And the details of every con-
dish he had imagined he pos
sessed at his fingers ends. But when
on the morning following the arrival
Of Henry Watterson, the bell-boy,
before the chef and told
him that Mr.. Watterson wanted q
Kentucky breakfast the chef was con-
ronted with his Waterloo.
Whats that!" he exclaimed.
"a Kentucky breakfast" the bell
BOY replied.
Not wishing co confess his ignorance
20 the bell-boy the chef waved him
aside and went himself to the editors
Dom.
"Beg pardon, Mr.. Watterson," he
said. rs in response to "come in"
ne entered and found the journalist in
bed, "but fear the bell boy did not
quite understand your order He
said you wanted a Kentucky break
asst"
"Well, that is just what want"
said the journalist, adding a little i'm
land l want it right away"
what is Kentucky breakfast, sir?"
Mr.. Watterson gazed pityingly at
The chef, then, settling down in bed, he
pulled the clothes over his head and
replied.
1.-Two drinks of whiskey and chew
Of tobacco. New York Sun.
10 -. -