The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1891-01-09
COMBING THE COLONEL.

There was a great political ferment in
Simpson county, Ky, over the approach
ing election of a county judge. The
nominating convention was to meet on
Saturday, and on Friday night two well
known politicians caughtin q rain storm
stopped at the house of old John Perdue.
The politicians, Maj. Bloodgood and
Col. Noix, were sly candidates for the
coveted position-so sly, in fact, that
neither one knew of the schemes of the
other.
After supper. while old John and his
guests were sitting on the porch talking
over the coming struggle and listening
to a wet katydid that held vesper SER
vices in o locust tree, old John, getting
up and stretching himself, said to the
major:
"Let me see YOU u moment, please"
The major followed him to the end of
the gallery. Major" old John whis-
pered, Il am compelled to tell you ome
thing. You gentlemen are welcome to
stay with me as long as you like, but
ability to accommodate cannot always
be measured by willingness to do so.
The truths | haven't but one spare bed"
.'But can't the colonel and l sleep to-
gether::" the major rejoined.
Eyes, you can, but the truth is the
colonel is awfully peculiar"
"How so?"
well, as rational as he appears while
stirring about he's Il strange man in bed.
Our families, you know, are well ac-
quainted. and | therefore know all about
him. H~ispeculiarity comes from a scare
he received when he was a child. 1t
seems that u dog nee tried to bite him,
and now. just before he dozes off to
sleep, he begins to growl, and unless
something is done to stop him he begins
to bite fearfully."
'Humph," the major grunted, that's
odd, but what can be done to stop him
after he begins to growl:"
well. his brother told me how he
used to work il. He always took a coarse
comb to bed with him and would rake
the colonel with it when he began to
growl. AS strange as it may seem, it
was the only thing that would quiet him.
The family doctor said that Il comb was
somehow the only thing that would start
the blood to circulating"
That's very odd. And would itquiet
him.
"Would make him act just like a
lamb. Why, he ulster insist that his
brother should take the comb to bed with
him. He don't like to have any one
mention the freakish misfortune, as he
always terms it, but it would be doing
him a great favor if you would take the
comb to bed with you and give him a
rake in case he should begin to growl. |
am telling you this because | am your
friend. and because | know that you are
good timber, and especially because |
hope that you may secure his influence
if you should ever desire any office.
Don't you know that we always respect
the man that understands our peculiar
tiles before we are asked to explain them
to him? He is sensitive that way. and if
he sees that you understand him he will
then know that you have had your eye
on him, have held him in your mind"
"All right. You get me the comb,
and will go through with the cere-
mony when the time comes"
Here's one, put it in your pocket"
They returned to the colonel, and after
a while, when the major stepped into the
house to get a drink of water, the old
man said:
"You and the major are good friends.
am glad to see.'
Eyes" replied the colonel, Il think
he is a first rate fellow"
"Glad you like him, for you and he
will have to sleep together tonight. for
the fact is l have only one spare bed"
.'That will be all right l reckon" said
the colonel.
Eyes, but the truth is the major is
the most peculiar fellow you ever saw"
"In what way"
LAS q bedfellow. / am very intimate
with his family and know all about him.
It seems that he had a nervous trouble
when he was o boy, and could not go to
sleep until some n growled like a dog.
/ have known him to lie tossing in bed
for hours at a time, and then when !
would go to his bed and growl he would
doze off like a lamb"
81 never before heard of an affection
90 strange" said the colonel.
81 either, but then it is a very easy
matter to relieve him. He and a fellow
named Buck johnson were once oppos-
ing candidates for prosecuting attorney.
Well, they had to sleep together one
night. Buck knew of his peculiar Attic
ton. and shortly after they went to bed
Husband and Wife.
have more than once been saved by the
timely use of Kemp's Balsam for the throat
and lungs, after all other remedies have
been tried In vain. The Balsam stops decay
Of the lungs and cures influenza and acute
and chronic coughs. There is no othe'
medicine IN the woi Ia that acts so promptly,
certainly none thai does its work so thor
onghly as Kemp Ia sam. All druggists
sell It. Large bottles soc. and 81. .