Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1891-03-06
A NEW BOARDER STORY.
A FIRST NIGHT IN A THEATRICAL
BOARDING HOUSE.

Why One Old Boarder Cannot Be Expected
perience of One Man That Ray BE
Easily Duplicated Many Times.
81 s'pose I've never told you about that
winter spent in West - street. 1t may
teach you something and be warning if
you ever feel like turning into high class
emotional actor, SO 1 don't mind letting
YOU into the secret I've been knocking
| round in boarding houses SO many years I
| thought knew every freak that the world
could show. I'd seen poker sharps and
bunco steerers, to say nothing of kittenish
old maids, grass widows and every other
serpent that was shut out of paradise with
Adam and Eve.
"Well, | was told that Mrs. Dolittle, in
West - street, kept q nice, quiet house,
irreproaehable references given and re-
quired and all the rest of it. | went there
with a Bible in my pocket, my certificate
of birth and baptism in my hand, and sew
enteen business testimonials, in a Glad
stone bag. Mrs. D. seemed pleased, and
engaged room. l was a stranger, and
she took me in.
''[The first night spent there knew no
one in particular, SO when went down to
dinner | tried to size up the company col
Iectively. There seemed to be an unusual
lot of young people. Four young women,
two dark and two fair; three blonde young
men, one very white, one medium, hair
short On top OF his head, one red checked,
one looking very pious.
THE PEOPLE.
Just opposite me sat a middle aged
Young woman with snub nose, who talked
all the time. I'd seen that sort before.
Very funny at other folks expense Dis
appointed in life and devoted to lies. Oh,
yesl | knew what she was like, SO just
said, 'Quicksand,' and passed by en- the
other side. But | thought the rest of them
would bear watching. The dinner was the
regulation meal and when it was over
went up to the fourth floor hall bedroom.
81 sat down and began to read the paper.
Pretty soon a low, groaning noise was
heard, evidently a woman's voice, getting
louder and louder, till it resembled a roar
ing Niagara, -Ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha dying away i'll demoniac laugh.
1t was startling, but l knew that queer
things happen in boarding houses, SO I sat
still In a minute new voice began, ooh,
young Lochinvar! Oh, young Lochinvarl
Oh, young Lochinvar!' There's maniac in
this house, thought. | got up, examined
the lock and sat down again treasured
Then came the sound of blows-awful
blows-not one Or two, but innumerable,
and after each one a strange shaking of the
house, as if body had been flung violently
to the floor. There's murder here, surer
said |, and rushed into the hall. Another
voice, masculine this time, trombone quail
ity: 4 dare do all that may become man.
Who dares do more is nonep
81 say, Duke, which one you going
home with to-night?' Which one? All
three oh, you'll Oh, you are masher!
How'll you manage it?' Take Carrie
home after first act from the Star; rush up
to Daly's and get Minnie end ofsecond act;
20 on to K & B. IS and bring Bessie out at
1872 oh, you old sinneri Oh, you wicked
old wretchr accompanied with shrieks of
laughter in mingled soprano, tenor and
bass voices.
WHAT IT MEANT.
"Once more those terrific blows, but this
time there was something queer about
them. 1t sounded as if some one were
jumping off a step ladder A dismayed
feminine voice exclaimed "Oh, Jenny, I've
kicked my second slipper into the street
and the first one over the folding bed!
What'll do?'
al don't know; don't bother me. Can't
you see Pm trying to get my lines? I'll
speak to him like a saucy lackey-m-m
NJ Ladies, any one at home tonight
Oh, yes; come in, Hamlet; come, in, Ham,
DID boy!' Deep Observation-Disclosures. thou
iiast thy father much offended Tenor
Mother, you have my father much Of
tended
"'Ch this is awfulP said l to myself
Why, the house is filed with raving
crazy lunaticsP Just then the girl came
up the stairs with pitchers of icewater.
my good girl gasped, iii Heavens
name, tell me what's the matter! What is
it? Who's crazy in this house? What's
the matter with the mea?'
1.-THE girl grinned. Her name was Maria
and very pretty girl she was. Crazy?
she said mot bit Of it, Why, they're ali
going On the stage
"'All? Who?'
Why, those four young ladies and that
fair young man you saw at dinner
"'Which one? The one with thin hair?
"'He? Oh, dear mol He's sweet young
man. He has lots of friends on the stage
ladies, you know, and he goes every night
and takes 'em home after they come off.
Says he has to work pretty hardl Can't
take more than four home in a nightl Says
lie has to work pretty hard to do that
Never gets round to each one more than
once a week Oh, we all love him! He
says he never means to go on the stage; he
knows it all by heart
EXPLANATIONS.
"'Well, who are the other young men?'
"'That nice fair one is a minister's son.
He wanted to play Hamlet, but they told
him he'd do better in a variety show. One
Of those fair young ladies is what they call
an ingenue. | don't know what that u.s.
but she wears garden hats and has her hair
down her back most of the time, and the
other one, she's what they call a song and
dance artist She can kick six feet higher
than her own head. One of those dark
young ladies is trying to get into light
opera.
She had to move out of three boarding
houses She works hard. She sings every
night till II o'clock and begins every morn
ing at T. That other dark young lady
they call her Mrs. Siddons, cause her
teacher says she's got tears in her voice. Ii
sounds like sore throat to me. Why
added Maria, every one in the house is go
ing on the stage 'cept that red checked
young nar-he's Sunday school teacher
and his mother won't have it-and that
young woman that sat opposite to YOU
"'And why in the name of Shakespeare
isn't she going on?"
"'Weil, you see, they say she was born
:cr a critic, and a manager wouldn't dare
to take her in his company because she'd
be sure to be shot inside of twenty-four
hours. Why, Pm studying for the stage
myself! | go and take lesson whenever
it's my Thursday OUTPUT Eve got q broth
er-he's a mean old thing-said if he ever
caught me on any stage, unless it was d
Fifth avenue rapid transit, he'd come on
and chase me off with club. But I'll get
there yet! Pm just bound to act like Cora
Potter and Mrs. Langtry, and it's a great
deal easier to do than to wash dishes and
wait On the door.
"'rhank you, Maria said I, I see it all
now,' and went back a sadder and wiser
man New York World.
English as She Is Spelt."
1 was in one of Brunswicks schools,
where picked up the following thrilling
composition written by a 12-year-old girl