The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1891-12-25
HOLIDAY JESTS AND GEMS.

The small boy hasn't to be got out
of bed with switch on Christmas
morning.
The almanacs put the shortest day
of the year just before Christmas, but
financially it is the next day after.
You cannot cut Christmas out of
the calendar nor out of the heart of the
world.-T. w. landlord.
I'm sorry | didn't ask Santa Claus
for a few more things while l was
about it, said the young miser.-Judge.
Job got his certificate for patience
before he was obliged to go out and buy
Christmas presents for all his relatives.
Baltimore American.
Charley Was Slow. - Amy Are
you going to give Charley anything at
Christmas?" Mabel-''I'm thinking of
giving him hint. Epoch.
Tommy Il wish Christmas had
come and gone" Johnny-''What for?"
Tommy-'Becauset then we could quit
being good. Days.
BE merry all, be merry all,
With holly dress and festive hall,
Prepare the song, the feast, the ball,
To welcome merry Christmas.
w. r. Spencer.
THE holiday spirit is an all-per-
vading one, remarked father as he
bought his little boy n fifteen-cent tin
horse; but it costs money."-Puck.
Mother and daughter examining
Christmas presents. Daughter-''Are
both of these boxes of candy differ
apto- Mo+har s.No. nathan Il oIilxa
-W1fe-''I hope you are pleased with
those slippers, darling?' Husband
(hesitatingly)-"Yes, dear. I'm so glad
learned to walk on snowshoes when l
was boy. "-NYashingtOn Post.
The church bells of innumerable
sects are all chime bells to-day, ringing
in sweet accordance throughout many
lands, and awaking great joy in the
heart of our common humanity. -
Chaplin.
-Johnny-''Say, pa, to-day is Christ
mas" Mr.. Squeers-"That's so. my boy!
Well, I'll let you go without a spank
ing to-day. No child of mine shall ever
lack something to remember Christ
mas by"
1t is well for everyone during the
holidays to be filed with the Christmas
spirit, but they should not regard this
as permission for unlimited and unre-
stricted indulgence in Christmas punch.
-Somerville Journal.
If you hear n man protesting loudly
during the week against the promiscu-
Gus slaughter of seals you may depend
upon it that he very grudg;ngly bought
his wife sealskin sacque for Christ
mas.-Philadelphia Call.
-Willie-.'I don't believe the stories
about Santa Claus. Do you, Fred?"
Fred-"No. | don't, either; but-'sh!
don't let 5 talk SO loud. He might hear
us. and then lie wouldn't give us any
thing. Harper Young People.
Christmas
Christ, the Lord. is born to-day.
Hang the hous, with holly gay,
Ring the tuaeful bell
In the churches. vast and din,
Solely for the love OF Him,
The TIE Deum swell,
Meet tn poor with open hands,
Ask that Christ's Divine commands
Sweetly in thee dwell!
Grace W. Haight in Good Housekeeping.
-Fiftv-two times the shuttle has
flown. in each flight weaving n week
with golden border of Sabbath. Three
hundred and sixty-five times the clock
has struck twelve for the noon, and
only one less time twelve for the night.
In that time. how many marriage gar
lands have been twisted, how many
graves dug, how many sorrows suffered,
how many fortunes won. how many
souls lost, how many mortals saved
Talmage.