New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1891-11-29
HE COULD NOT MOVE HER TO PITY.
SHE MOVED HIM, HOWEVER, IN LIVELY
MANNER.

MANNER.
"Madam,s said the tramp as he put his foot inside
the door, which the housewife had opened TO his knock
and had begun to shut again, she saw him.
al am not a beggar, am an inventor l have dis
covered a simple process by which the odor which
onions spread through your comfortable and elegant
home while they being cooked can be entirely
prevented"
ayes, well?'
al have spent great deal Of money, Madam, in ex
permentng toward this end, but now that have
found it, 1 am no greedy monopolist will part with
this invaluable secret for small consideration"
"Yes, well?'
"If am not mistaken, Madam he said, smiling
the air in impartial manner, You are cooking
those overfragrant but nourshng vegetables at the
present moment.
Yes. welli"
Most people object to the odor. presuma you are
with the majority on that point. madam
"Yes, welli"
81 Judge by your manner. madam that you are I'M
willing TO part with the ready cash for my invention ?"
"Yes, WELT"
"As said before am no mOnOpolst. will tell
you it, will tarry and Instruct you In Its use
for dish OF those onions madam; and he wiped his
mouth with a dirty hand and tried to get his other
foot inside the door, but the woman held 1t fast.
al perceive that You do not want my invention ut
ALL madam he said in deeply injured tone. "That
you do not appreciate it, That my efforts to relieve
humanity OF the offensive Odor OF onions have been
wasted entirely. as far as you are concernedl'
"Yes, wel2'
MADAM, when began to experiment for my de-
odorzer i was a wealthy man. respected citizen,
an Office holder and the father Of happy family"
eyes, wcl'
"Sparng neither time nor money in the pursuit OF
the welfare of my race. failed In business"
ayes. wei'
.worn out with the struggles to keep up a respect
able appearance, my wife, the faithful partner Of my
Joys and sorrows. was called to her reward" and he
snufled plaintively.
EYES, well7'
"Then blight seemed to fall on little brood and
one by one they dropped and died."
EYES, wel'"
"Next left an orphan"
ayes well7"
"And then my motherin--"
eyes welll'
"My-madam your cold and unfeeling manner chlls
In me all the instincts Of gentleman. have seldom.
in telling my sad story. got beyond my wfe's death
without the offer Of substantial assistance; but
have let me run through my entire family and get
mixed up with my moher-in law and still have given
me only that one stereotyped reply
"Yes well7'
"Wen this and he threw his whole weight
suddenly against the door. The woman was not ex-
pectng II and she gave way In an instant the tramp
was in the hall, looking fit for murder. But she did
not quail.
an tell you what I'll do" she said al am the
champion woman Jumper Of the cOunty-take all the
prizes at the fairs and plcncs-and Jump further
than most men. Now I'll bet you the best dinner my
kitchen can afford. including onions. against your
deodorzIng invention that Jump further than you
from of the doorstep
Done.' said the tramp.
You Jump first said the woman, and Jump rs
hard as you can for warrant can cover lots Of
ground 49,,
The tramp doubled up his ragged knees. swung his
long arms and Jumped bursting off his only suspender
BUTTON and landing about eight feet outside the door,
When he turned he double barrelled shot gun
in the hands OF the onion cooker and she covered
him with IT, without culver Of her muscles. he de-
parted swiftly without word, taking his unuttered
secret with him.