Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-24

ana you cannot sit in the box with
us at the opera unless you have an extra
pair of boots aside from those you dc
your chores in, Earnest.
You shall have as good board as do
Earnest, except that generally get the
first whack at the porterhouse steak,
because l am not real well and have
to be careful of myself. AS for ''logins, >
you will sleep in the most desirable
rooms over the harness room, and the
smell OF new mown hay, and the drpw-
sy coo of the Shanghai, and the Plym-
outh Rock, and the Polled Angus, and
the Mambrino King will lull you to
sleep in your little bed, Earnest. Come
as soon as you can.
Today | received nice typewriter
letter from the we'll known poultry
works at Newton, Sussex county, N. J..
need not give the name, but the letter
asks: May | send you q sample box of
three, six, nine or twelve dozen new
laid table eggs? l have 1000 laying
hens, many of them game. The eggs
are shipped the next day after they are
laid. Respectfully, -"
On the lower left hand margin of the
letter is the list of ladies in New York
who use these eggs exclusively. The
list reads like that of the patronesses of
the Charity balls 1t is very swell
array of pomp, wealth and good victuals.
People are there named who think no
more of paying seventy-five cents doz-
EN- for the eggs Of blooded hen than /
do of using white sugar in my coffee
every day Of my life.
But that is not the way to catch me
and Russell Sage. We don't work all
day hard, and then sock our whole salary
into diamond back terrapin debauch at
night; do we, Russ? And we do not buy
eggs at 81 a dozen, just so as to eat the
same breed of eggs that Col. Elliott
does; do we, Russ? We would
rather be little, plain, American citizen,
eating the honest handiwork of broad
and democratic, though low flung hen.
than to pay four prices for the highly
legitimate masterpiece of a gamey hen
just because those gamey eggs are use.i
by the tallyho sons-in- law of
the Nauvoo Richl
That's me and that's Russ Sage!
This is not all. This pesky egg sharp
advertises to supply only the bong tong
with goods from his fowl works, but
does he? Does he conine himself to the
tables of the wealthy? Am | assured
that those eggs viii not be also sold to
coarse and vulgar people who nurse their
own children? Pah! The thought of it
would drive me wild
No, the egg works at Newton cannot
sell me any eggs. am afraid that the
proprietor might forget himself some
time and sell to the tradespeople.
If thought had secured an eggist
whom | could trust, and in fancied Sc
eurity | bought and ate the eggs of his
hens, many of whom are game,
and paid big price for them, knowing
that there had been no scandal connected
with them for many generations back,
and then | should find that | had been
luped, and that it was not true, or that
there was strain of Plymouth Rock or
a double yolker mesalliance which had
been hushed up by the press, or that the
dealer, in whom | had trusted as
thoroughly exclusive, had been prosti.
.uting his business and his fair name by
selling the same eggs to the vulgar herd,
the low, coarse people who are not
enough to run an account and
5hen get out of paying it, the canaille, the
sans culottes and sans finger bowls, who
augh when they feel like it, and weep
when they are sad, and who otherwise
lemean themselves, | would almost give
Up the fight and ask some kind friend to
AXE me ont behind the barn and knock
ne in the head.
Again, how am l to know that the
,ggs are lain-yes, lain-on the day be-
ore2 Is each hen to be provided with
ubber dating stamp, and between her
,lad cackles of welcome to the newly
discovered egg will she stamp the date,
lour and all, in purple ink Ormust we
rust to the honor of one who courts the
patronage of people who can be worked
~ the simplest tyro in crookedness?
Vanity is the open avenue to the
,urses of people who are otherwise lucid
It times. Make them believe that your
ates are little high in order to keep
way the people who get right down
md sweat Gnstead of perspiring in a
,enteel way and you get a great many
# them. They are most all susceptible
you go at it right.
The smith who shod my justly cele-
rated horse Two Strike last summer
harged me dollar extra, because it
vas gintleman's job, your honor, and
he same kind of work and price that |
10 for the gintry that lives on your ter
ace, begin your honor's pardon"
A friend of mine was charged s. visit |
" physician who had generally a
barge of S2per visit, as my friend knew.
dy neighbor kicked, and spoke quite
Irmly and hotly to the doctor. refusing
o pay the bill. "Why," said the physi-
ian, II certainly never had any COM
laint before, and l always charge S a
isit on your terrace"
So you see that on certain street, |
With house that has brown stone trim
nings, you must expect to pay little |
more for your exclusiveness, and also
NY your eggs Of man whose hens eat
.lue points and olives and have never
for living.
Will some kind reader put me onto
God butcher whom can rely upon, and
Who will furnish me with an aristocratic |
Iver fresh from the interior of some |
veil known animal whose death cast