Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-04-17
CAPITAL JOURNAL FUN.

NOT WHAT HE WAS AFRAID OF.
A charming grass widow once
applied to a Salem bachelor at-law
for position as type writer.
"There is one matter feel II my
duty 10 mention" she said. III fear
IL overworked, my eyes may trouble
me.n
"That Is not what am afraid of
so much,p said the gallant limb of
the law, "as that they may set other
people into trouble"
She was employed, of courpe.
#*&
Here is another hachelor-at-law
item that is not bad:
Kosciusco Murphy recently passed
his examination, and is now a MEM
ber of the bar. His strong card is
in getting the truth out of witnesses.
The following is sample of his sys-
tenn Of examination:
''Are you married man ~
mo, sir, am bachelor"
"Will you please tell the court and
jury how long you have been
bachelor, and what were the circum-
stances that induced you to become
one?"
wv
Three borrowed waits of news
paper fun:
Her father: "What, you want to
marry my daughter? Why, sir,
you can't support her. / can hardly
do 1t myself"
Suitor (blandly): "C-c-can't we
chip in together?'
4**
Wife: "This black eye is what
you got for riding a bicycle"
Husband: mo, nay dear, it's
what got for not being able to ride
one"
A swiftly retreating soldier In
certain battle, whose captain shouted
to him Indignantly, "Why do you
run, you coward ?p earnestly replied;
because, dang 1t, can't fly"
wv
The last Bazaar has these:
"Why, is it only one O'Clock? l
thought IL was two," said Mrs.
Bronson, as the clock struck one.
"Naw, num-" said Bridget, "It's
niver lather thin wan at this tonne
NV day."
Spatts: "Mlss Flippspeaks French
like native"
Bloobumper 0n surprise): "In-
deed p
Spatts: "Yes; like a native of
Illinois"
Wv
"How Is your new house doing"
"First rate. Pm putting up
money for extras now"
"What are the edras?"
"Chimneys, roof, staircases and
window. .frames.n
Nv
BORROWED WIT.
All, she's u jewel
Oft girl,
With amber hair and
Teeth of pearl;
And sapphire eS es and
Ruby lips,
And opals ut her
Finger tips.
Like alabaster
IL her brow
And diamond pure her
Thoughts trow.
st. Louis Republic.
Many men say their prayers by
proxy, but very few do their cursing
that way.-New York Herald.
The distant relative Is the one
who Is afraid that you are going TO
borrow s. from him, -%eXas Slft-
ings.
Judge: Single or married? (Pris-
oner slghs deeply.) Oh, yes, ! see.
Married, ,-Fliegende Blaetter.
An appropriate costume. "What
was tha idea of dressing the little
page at the Revere wedding like a
Western desperadogn "Oh, he was
10 hold up the train, you knowW--
Puck.
THREW ON a FEELER.
A Salem suburban recently had
new neighbor move into his vicinity
from the Bunch Grass region, who
bore reputation as fighter. He
did not get acquainted with the new
man from Eastern Oregon very fast,
but made up his mind neither to
stand on his dignity nor any foolish
ness, but resist the first intrusion
right from the shoulder The bunch
grasser came over one day and went
20 helping himself TO pie-plant.
While STOPPING over Ia the very act
OF robbing the soil of this flst lus'
clous product OF spring, he was sur.
prlsed to find himself seized by the
collar aud heels and thrown over the
fence:
NSee herel Do Von know what