The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-04-01
HUMOR OF II DAY.

1nC DlCh DOChtb nuo Ills DASluCoo az nAo
fingers ends.-Epoch.
1t takes two to make a bargain; but
only one of them gets it.-Puck.
A man never fully realizes the wealth
of information he doesn't possess till his
first child begins to ask questions Ed
mira Gazette.
at don't pay TO be kind to pets, said
Johnny. ~ filed the goldfish globe up
with milk one day, and the fish all died"
-Harper's Basar.
''Are you acquainted with this7" asked
Banks, as he displayed an unpaid note to
its maker. "No," replied Kyting, az
never met il. "---Puck.
Boggs-"Hicks seems to a well-in-
formed man." Foggs-"Yes, his wife
is Secretary of the Home Missionary So
ciety ."-NeO York Herald.
A barking dog cannot bite, but the
trouble is that he is likely at any time to
stop barking and take a piece out of
your leg.-SOmerUiUe journal.
Tomdik-"Do you know to what
breed the Dog star belongs tof" Nc
Clammy-''No; to what2" Tomdik-
"The kye."-O Chicago Inter Ocean.
The young man sadly counts his cash,
And finds, TO his great sorrow,
His sleigh rides left him scarce enough
To hire a cab tomorrow.
Washington Star.
Namby-"She is very rich; do you
suppose he had a tender feeling for
her2". Hooks-"Of course, of course, a
legal-tender feeling. "-NeW York Her
aid.
Frightened Female leave the
house, sir2" U1abashed Burglar-"Oh,
1 wasn't going to take it-only the sill
verware and jewelry, nom. Pleasant
evening, mon. "-DaRsoiHe Breeze.
Hard on the Nerves: He discussing
electrocution)-'I think decapitation is
the worst death. 1 don't think l could
meet it calmly" She-"No; you would
probably lose your head. "-Yale Record.
How oft a vague presentment
OF coming i'll depressa IS us,
When If we'd but look back we'd find
TITS breakfast that distresses usi
Puck.
"rommy," said an anxious mother to
her boy, ''your uncle will be here to
dinner to-day, and you must have your
face washed" "Yes, ma, but s'posen
he don't come. What then?"-Ieras
Sjtiags.
Harry-"I see it stated, Miss Dora,
hat London ladies are alwaysin terror of
being sun-kissed. That terror does not
extend to this country" Dora (shyly)
-"Well, it depends on the son. "-Chi-
edg0 Inter Ocean.
Patrolman-"They've just took q
floater out of the river with a cross
marked on his forehead with a knife.n
Chief-"Start right out and arrest every
man that isn't able TO write his name. -
indianapolis Journal.
"Do you frequently pen this sort of
thing2' asked the editor of the poetic
contributor. "Oh, yes; very frequent
ly." "Well, why don't you pen them so
that they cannot get away aud stray
around like thisf'-Liqht.
At Workingmen's Congress: Door
keeper Ito stranger)-"What are youg
A %possibilist, Guesdist, solutionist,
Marxist, Eupist, B~lanquist or collect
ivisti' Stranger (taken aback) -"I---
I'm a machinist. ~ Chicago Neros.
Since every dog viii have his day,
Fray, Towser, take thine own;
But be content with that we pray,
And leave the night alone.
-WdShiagton Post.
al noticed that a tram. left the house
as l came over the hill, - said the farmer.
',Nes," replied his wife, ''he left the
house, but he managed to get away with
about everything else in sight. Maybe
he'll CONT back after the house later on"
80 Washington Post.
As one by one our idols fell
And we of heroes were bereft.
Our grlti, OF course, we sought TO quell
BY thinking there were others left:
But now the tides of sorrow swell
Unchecked, and deep's our melancholy,
There never was a William Tell.
And Nallombrosa's leahess wholly.
-NeO York Press.
Mild Old Gentleman (goaded to mad
ness by next room lodger)-"Good
graciousl What are you pounding the
furniture in that way fort" Idle Party
"Trying to kill hme.n Mild Old Gen
tleman after deep thoughD-"Well, 1
suggest that you also try to deeien the
ound."-Amerieaa Grocer.