The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-01-11
DEACON VS.. PARS0N.


bnly accepted the pastorate of the Porcu-
pine Hollow charge three months previous
TO the time of which we write, yet during
This time the parson had made great host
Of friends-especially is this assertion true
80 far as the female portion of his flock
was concerned.
1t is a well established fact that the peo-
pie of Porcupine Hollow believe and prac-
lice the doctrine of marrying and multi
plying the inhabitants of Arkansas in the
fullest sense of the term, and il 4 mans
wife dies he has another selected to take
her place by his freside before his "late
lamented" gets cold, so thai accounts for
the scarcity of widows and widowers in
that region.
AS before intimated, the parson was cut
ting big swath among the manageable
women of his charge. In some manner
the intelligence preceded him that he was
a bachelor, and the fair members of his
flock formulated a series of resolutions,
each In her own mind, to outrival her Sis
tiers. Every art known to the feminine
mind was brought into requisition, and
for two months it would have been ex-
tremely difficult to conjecture who would
gain the ultimate victory
After two months had flown by on rapid
wings, however, the parsons heart lay at
the feet of an unpretentious but lovable
damsel, and for the next month his atten-
tions were given to her exclusively. That
fact had caused many of the good sisters
to grow green with envy, because one OF
their more modest number had won SO
much attention from the parson, while
they were left at the mercy Of the few
eligible men in the matrimonial market.
Outside of this there had been nothing
to mar the fraternal harmony of the par
ish, nor had anything of an exciting char
acter happened since the parsons advent.
On Saturday evening, however, Deacon
Derby sent for the parson to visit his wife,
who was then wading out into the chilly
waters of death, and she passed over the
divide in few minutes after the arrival
Of the parson.
The parson tried to console the deacon
on the ground that this loss was his wifes
gain, and spake in very fiattering terms of
the departed, to which the deacon replied:
"Ya-as, Sindy wuz er mighty dOotiful
wife, an wuz er mos powerful hard wurk-
er, an only las week sbs hoed Their ter
hacker down in ther bottSn field, cut Their
sprouts outen the moo groun' corn on Their
ridge, 3oted er sack er corn ter mill, cleared
Their brush often that air acre lot down
thar by ther crick fer er turnip patch, an
made two hundred rails arter doin' ther
housewurk, an yit We hev' Their gall to say
'at i orter to be consigned an not complain
ner grumble ner nothin', wen Their haint
er womarD In Porcupine Heller 'at 'uld do
nigh Their wurk at she'd do"
oh said the parson, 81 know it would
be hard to find her equal, and realize that
ycu will miss her very much, but her lot
3ere was full of labor, and now that she is
IT rest you should look forward to the time
when you will meet again"
'Ya-as, mebbe that air so, but it do pear
purity rotten bad AT she he'd ter up an die
ies' at ther very busiest part o the yer,
an it'll take nigh fifty pounds o. my las
yer's terbacker crap ter put FER erway, an
then thar'll be ther terbacker ter sucker'n
worm ergin mex week, an I'm ded sartin
ter better do it myself"
eyes, but grumbling viii do no good
now, my dear brother, and then your wife
was a faithful Christian, and has gone to
that blissful cline where the weary are at
rest, and therefore we should be glad even
In our sorrow for her blessed hope of a
bright future"
THAT pears ter be all ye preacher fellers
think erbout, but We never onct think o.
Their expense wat er man is put ter wen his
wife draps off I've had four wives aside
Sindy, an wen they upt an died he'd ter
bury 'em, an it's cost me ernuff ter keep
me in terbacker'n Ticker fer four year ter
put 'em erway n'er Their daisies, but es We
say, guess it's no use ter argy emmy longer
srbout il. Tbar's some nice walnut planks
down thar in Their boss shed AT he'd sorter
sot my mind ter use fer er terbacker box
at we kin make her coffin outen, an eff
ven be erbleegin' ernuf ter AK old Dan
Skinner ter come over an help me make
Their coffin I'll be erbieeged ter We"
81 will do So" said the parson, "but
when viii the funeral take placer"
"Termorry, o. cos"
The funeral was largely attended, and
being the first at which the parson had
officated in the parish he delivered an elo-
auent Grafton.
The next day half dozen men We're
seated on log in front of the store, and
the conversation naturally drifted to the
late bereavement of the deacon, and one
finally said:
Wonder who Their deacon II hitch onter
next"
He tole me vile we wuz maxim Their
coffin" said Skinner, "'at he had sot his
eye on Indy Wells"
"Goshimighty," exclaimed Tom Jump
er, but Their parsons got 'er solid enuff. 8"
"Ther parson hes bin er sottin' ter Lindy
shore huff, but I've er mind ter bet er plug
er moo priced terbacker AT Their deacon
knocks his eye out 18th Indy less'n er
week." rejoined skinner
"Tll go We" said Jumper.
''Say, who's that er comm down van
iery" asked one, pointing toward the fur
sher side of the lit,le stream.
ats Their deacon, bedad,n said Squire
Munger
Hello, deacon" said Skinner, as he ap-
preached the crowd.
'Kin'er blue terday," said the deacon.
taking chew of long green AS he sat
down.
We've jes' bin er talkin' erbout ye"
"Hev, ehg'
"Uh-huh. feel tarnation sorry fer We
but reckon yen git married erginr
''Ia-as, 'speckt win, mebbe, but hainr
he VINE ter think erbout it much yit"
Thought We wuz kin'er thinkin' erbout
tDockin' Their parson out 18th Lindy
Nells" said Jumper.
wal, reckon she'd be glad ernuf ter
eat me. but ned ter make Their coffin Yis