The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-04-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

on his reaiiZatiOns.-Ili Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
There is room for everybody in this
big world. Friction comes from the
fact that too many want the froat
room.-ScrdntoH Truth.
Fair Client-'.And is this what you
call a deed?n Real-E>tate LAWYER
Yes Why?' Fair Client-..It looks
more like words. ~. J. Sun.
1t is easy enough to find friends who
will advance theories or opinions. but
when it comes 10 advancing money
that kind is scarce.-!St. Joseph Ne,CS.
Nancy (to her cousin from the city)
Can YOU climb trres?" Maude (irst
visit To tie country. in panied sur
prise) Haven't You an elevator? "
Puck.
MIR. Tawker is Il brilliant contro-
versialst." lie is IN into!erant bi@ot."
You think sop .-Of course | do.
He never agrees with lie in anything"
-Cdpe Cod Iteln
That was a mean thing Bronson's
wife did" What was il?' Taught
their little boy one of his fathers
poems and now Bronson hears it all
dav long. " J. Sun.
She-You have deceived me- Didn't
Won tell me YOU loved me? Hc-No.
/ was very guarded about that. | only
told YOU worshippeI the grouni YOU
walked on-.Eatc Fields Washington.
The face of the returns" said the
Chairman of the meeting shows 81
ayes and no noes" What Il queer
looking face that must he, remarked
an old lady in the back WASH
ingt0n STIR.
First Soc ETY. MANA man might
as we'll be dead rs out Of the fashion"
Second Society Man Gin high collar
and regulation evening dress)-"Yes.
and he might rs we'll be dead as in it. "
N T. HerdId.
Mrs. Jones-'Now here. John Jones,
what are YOU sitting here moping for?"
Jones-''I'm feeling a little blue. Mary.
You see, | got To thinking what a blow
YOUR first husbands death WAS to me-"
-Binghant0n LeaCtcr.
Jack Witherspoon = Really, Miss
Rosebudde | don't know when have
had an hour pass SO quickly Miss
Rosebuddc - We'll, l suppose not,
since you have only been here twenty
minutes. "-Princeton Tiger.
Ninety-ninc men out of every hun
dred believe in their hearts that a dav
of judgment will come. and ninety
eight of them secretly believe that
somehow they will be overlooked in
the iam.-MIL,gdukee Sentinel
do good to them that despitefully
use" If you think it will do them any
good. whip them-do it in the good
old-fashioned way. An upper cut will
often bring man to his knees quicker
than anything else. -MtiaOlukee SeRti-
net.
do YOU know" said Miss Belle Pep
perton to Gus De Jay, THAT | think
You would be an excellent subject for
Il poem?n What -aw - suggested
that to you?" Il was reading some of
the verses in the obituary column
Washington Post.
What is the deepest depth of ig-
norance?' asked the philosopher mus
ingly; and the man of the world made
haste to answer: 1t is the ignorance
displayed by Il railway official when
there has been Il wreck on his road. -
st. Joseph NewS.
Gadsby-"Thoso three dude sons of
Van Nostrand cost him about So. 900 Il
year" Miss CaustiQue Then he has
been putting Il good deal of money IN
to real-estatc." 'How's that?" He
is spending So 900 4 year on vacant
lot. Bro0kiyn Life.
You should never allow liquor to
pass your lips" said mission worker
to Il hard specimen she had picked up.
well, mum, he responded regretful-
| ", you see | can't help it. seem as
| how my drinker is sittyvatcd in the
manner it is."-IV Washington star.
All the seats in the house had been
sold and only ticset-holders were get
| ting places. Take your right seats
| called out the usher, monotously;
take your right seats" How can
we help it?' lisped a pretty girl to him.
| There are none left. - Washington
| Star.
No, sir" said the coaldcaIer, whose
! patronage was solicited for the ''man-
ly-art'' contest. Il like sport, but
can't risk my business. The last oc-
| casion of that kind | attended some
| body got confused and introduced me
as the champion light weight. = Wash
| ingtOn Post.
Old Mr.. Summit My daughter, it
would crafty me exceedingly if you
would make up your mind in regard
| to Mr.. Cleverton. He is such de-
sirable young man. Miss Summit
passionately) Father. give me time.
He has only proposed four times
Nunseys Weekly.
Miss Paradise - There goes Dick
Strawber. He spoke of YOU at this
| knew YOU. Miss Summit should
| like to know where he got that i'm
preston! | was only engaged to him
for two weeks last summer at the Pier.
-Munsey's Weekly
Warden-"A dying burglar has con-
| fessed that he committed the murder
| for which you were sentenced. and as
| it was clear case of mistaken iden-
! tity the governor has granted you a
| pardon" Innocent Mana pardon?
What am l pardoned for?" Warden
For committing the murder. of course
Go. but don't do it again."-N. Y
| Weekly.
Miss Sharp-"Ah. Mr.. Dullard, you
are looking the part of the Black
Prince to perfection" Mr.. Dullard-
"Ye-es; but do you know, Miss Sharp,
| feel like perfect idiot" Miss Sharp
| (earnestly)-''Now, that will never do,
| Mr.. Dullard. At a masquerade. as on
the stage, one must forget his real
character entirely" - Kate Fields
| Washington.
Rural Editor (meditatively) How
| seldom we know what is best for us.
Here I've been pitching into the inter-
| state commerce law for sixteen months
Heaven forgive mel" Assistant-''Eh?"
/ Il should have been on that train