The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01


appeared, at the diansr. The N setting was
not oveI-joyfuL
why, old man. you down to a waiter,
Ell. Gracious, how You have fallen! And
IN a Bowery restaurant, tool"
YES, replied the waiter, turning on his
friend, >arcastically, 'but don't eat here,
thank Godv'
HOW SOLDIER FEELS IN BATTLE.
Gen. Russell A. Alger of Detroit does
not often illustrate his conversation
with humorous story. Now and then he
does, and the following Is one of his
fsyorites:
"Four ministers stopped at my house in
Detroit once duriag a conference meeting,
and one evening they asked me if the glory
OF brave deeds celebrated in song did not
have a powerful influence IN stimulating
soldiers to emulate heroes of history. |
said, not at all. Then they wanted to know
what was tho sentiment that took posses
sion Of the soldier as he went int attic. /
answered that just three wocds we're often
uttered by soldiers in fighting, and they
embraced all the sentiment and poetry of \
warriors nature. For example, in my
division there was certain colonel known
for his religious views and orthodox ways.
de would not do anything to violate the
Sabbath and never was known to utter an
oath or any word on the ecu. S" O. der. |
thought he was a Miss Nancy kind of a
soldier, and was afraid he would not be of
any use In battle except to assist in quick
and Successful retreat. Que day, in a big
battle, saw a regiment in the thickest of
the fight and the colonel, with his sword in
hand, on foot, his horse having been shot,
in front, cheering his men and urging them
on. rode up rapidly and the words that
good, orthodox colonel was using made me
SMILE
"Give EN- -! Give 'em -, boysl" he
would yell at each volley.
"Why, colonel said, II am surprised
at your language; you. our best chris5Ianp
Waving his sword, he replied:
"Well, that is just what mean, and Just
what feel, give 'em -"
These are the three words of sentiment
that solder feels like uttering in battle.
JAMES GORDON BENNETT AND THE IMPs.
This is one of James Gordon Benefits
prime stock stories, as he relates it.
When Irving was playing in Faust" in
this country he made it very realistic by
employing a largen mber of supsrnumaries
who alternately appeared as angels and
then as lmps of darkness. One of the grand
scenes is where the jumps of darknes de-
scend. At asignal from "Msphisto" the imps
begin to scamper and get down below
through trap door. Many had gone down
below when big, fat, 50cent-s- night imp
started down. He was too large for the
trap door and got stuck. In vain he tried
to push himself down. An Irisnman in the
gallery leaned forward and said
THANK God; hade's tulip
TALMAGE AND THE HUMAN VOICE.
Rev. 7. Dewitt Talmage is fond of auy
story that will illustrate sermon or beau
tify moral. Here is one that he tells now
and then III his own original way:
A German family emigrated from the
fatherland to this country and settled 10
Milwaukee. The oldest boy in his teens
Concluded he would start out for himself.
Finally he broughtup in NewYork city and
soon spent all the money the old man had
given him. Then he wrote his father this
kind of an appeal:
"Dear Father-Ia am sick and lonely, with.
out one single cent. Send me some money
quick. Your son, John"
Now the father was illiterate and could
not read, so he went to great strapping
butcher and asked him to read the letter.
The butcher had gruff way OF reading and
loud voice. When he finished reading
Johns letter, the father was furious and
declared he would not send penny, even il
the boy starved to death. He had never
heard of such On impudent demand for
money. Ga his way home the father
UuOuSu0 Gu6 DuUCubT nave IIdu0 Z
mistake in reading, and desire to hear thu
letter read again overcame him. A con
sumptiye baker, with low falling inflec
ton, was next asked to read the sons letter
When he concluded, the father said. witt
tears in his eyes: my poor boy, I'll senc
him all the money he wants" The baker
had read word for word the letter as it wa.
read by the butcher.
You see, my dear friends, that there is q
| great deal in the human voice.
THE BILL WILL TAKE HIS BREATH AWAY
Henry Watterson is quick in repartee
and now and then perpetrates good thing
| on the SPUR of the moment. He met il
Washington at the Riggs House the cole
| brated poet, lobbyist, Col. Dick Winter
smith. The latter was in a gas,ronomit
quandary, and told Mr.. Watterson that ht
| (Wintersmith) had an idea of ordering 6
| dinner of fine beefsteak and onions. Ht
was skeptical as to whether the Rigg;
house could serve dinner of onions and
beefsteak that would have real onions
and yet have no offensive odor upon hi
breath
"Col Dick, can tell you what to do
said Watterson.
"What is that?"
"Why, go 10 John Chamberlin's anG
! order beefsteak and onions, and when vol
away"
GEN. sHERMAN's TURKEY STORY.
Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman TOLD
| good stories:
when l was with the army in Georgia
a slave owner one Xmas missed a fat tur-
| kew. He suspected a fine looking colored
man and hao him brought before him"
"You have stolen my turkey and eater
| it." said the irate master.
"I'se not gwine to say didn't when yor
says / did. massa."
"I ought to d. something to you. What
have you got to say why IShould not pun
ish your
"Well, massa, you hain't los anything
particular. You seq. you had little les
| turkey and good deal more niger"
And the master had to acknowledge TIT
philosophy of his slave and let him go un-
punished.
SENATOR INGALLS, AND THE DRUNKEN MAN
Senator ingalls, is prolific with apt anec-
dotes and stories.
A man considerably intoxicated got into
street car aud hung on to strap. There
was enough room FOR him to sit down, but
one gentleman had spread himself so as Il
occupy two seats. The man holding the
strap said to him:
"Say-(hic)- '-thic)-wish you
| (hic)-would move"
"You are drunk answered the party on
the seat, who refused to make room.
ST know it-hic)-" was the reply, "bu
| -(hic)-I'll get over it. You're-(hic)
hog, sir-(hic)-and'll never - (hic) -ge
| over it."