Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-09-03
SILENCING HUBBY.

sILENCING HUBBY.
Young Father lin the future)-GreA
Snakes! Can't you do something to quiet
that baby? It's eternal squalling just
drives me wild.
Young Mother Calmly to servant)-
Marie, bring in my husbands mothers
phonograph and put in the cylinder
marked cat Ten Months" / want him
to hear how his voice sounded when he
was young New York Weekly.
FoRGETFUL SPOUSE.
Mrs. Bilkins-I never saw such a for
getful man in my life as you are. The
clock has stopped again.
Mr.. Bilkins-That's because you for
| got to wind it.
Mrs. Bilkins-IIuh! You knew very
well, Mr.. Bilkins, that | told you to re-
mind me to wind it and you forgot about
it.-[ New York Weekly.
CRUEL son.
~ understand Jake Jimson struck his
mother"
"Yes."
"The cruel scoundrel What did he
strike her for?"
"Ten dollars"
GOT WHAT SHE WANTED.
She-An unfortunate alliance, that Of
Miss Quickly's, wasn't it?
He-Maybe, but he was just her kind.
You said, you know, that she wanted
husband, and she certainly got it
Yonkers Gazette.
A STRONG GUARANTEE.
Miss Flora Wall TO dealer)-You
guarantee this cement to be good, do
you?
Dealer-Yes, ma am. You could mend
a broken heart with that cement.
Miss Flora Wall-Ill take three bot
Ties Puck.
SURE THING.
Daddy-If you are a good boy I'll
take you to the circus.
Sonny-Suppose | amt good boy?
Daddy-Then you'll have circus
with me- Puck.
Shc-IIow softly the breezes whisper
over this field
He-Yes, dear-but the corn is all
ears, you KNOW Life.
NOTHING MEAN ABOUT HIM.
Father (reading it)-Ah, yes, the biz
for you, and the girls hats. Twent-
dollars and ninety-fve cents. Neark
S2l. No use being mean. I'll buy five
cents worth of black varnish to color
} my last years straw and make the bill
the full figure Fliegende Blaetter.
IN BAD FIX.
Allow is Brown coming out?
B-Very poorly. He can't eat.
wv hat $ the matter with him?"
"There is nothing the matter with
him, except lack of food. He is stopping
at fashionable boarding house. -
Texas Siftings.
DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT.
Didn't they sing beautifully in uni
g son?' he whispered at the opera
SIN unison!" re-echoed the Boston
t girl; 'why | thought they were going to
sing in Italian. No wonder don't un.
3 derstand it, Philadelphia Times.
BLUsHING SMILE.
She tripped going down to the beach
and blushed prettily.
"You are like the leaves of the forest" :"
whispered her escort
GLOW so?" she asked.
"You turn red with the fall, was the
reply,
HIS GREETING.
She waits each night till get home,
And greets me ut the door;
But it is not for my sake alone
She wants to know the score
Judge.
VERY TRUE.
+ Wife-Im afraid l scolded the chill
dren rather severely while making pre-
serves to-day.
+ Husband should have preserved
your temper, too.
, Wife-Ilow could | when | lost it?
THE CHOICEST MoRsEL.
Mrs. Pert-We had an elegant supper
at the sewing society.
Mr.. Pert-What did you relish most?
"Oh, we dissected Watermelon"
ais that all? | thought probably you
had dissccted at least u half dozen of the
neighbors!"
"You're just too hateful"- Harris
burg Telegram.
WHICH ONE?
Yes, the ceremony has been per,
formed, and John and Mary are one"
Indeed? Which one?"
"Well," answered the father of tho
bride, "from what | know of Mary's
mother, | should say-but, ah! here Sic
comes. ~ Detroit Free Press.
A WORSE PREDICAMENT.
First Boy-Did you get squeezed i
the crowd at the navy drill yesterday?
Second Boy-No, but got caught in
the jam at home, and that was worse.
SHE LEARNED SOMETHING.
Gravel is great educator, remarked
Amy.
That's So" replied Sue. "Why,
could not flrt bit before l made tour
OF the watering places"
ENCOURAGEMENT.
kidets-Do you suppose your sister
would marry me?
Dick Hicks-I guess so; she isn't very
bright