The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1891-01-01

raise that sum about four times year.
If you understand how to make it 60
good as twice that, you know. Now,
I'll tell you. l have, back East. num-
Der of relatives-rich, respected and all
that Money comes from them. Easy
enough, you think? Well, wonder. l
am the black sheep of the outfit-scape-
grace, you know. And do you imagine
they would ever give up bean for me,
If did not come at 'em with something
worse than agun? Why, sir, the whole
bloody layout is so mean, and they hate
me so, that, 1 give you my word, if I
was roasting in the lowest depths Of
Sheol, there isn't one of 'em would loan
you fork to go and see if was done.
No sir! That's the kind of citizens they
are. But notice they come up pretty
regular just the same.'
He ficked the ashes from his high
priced cigar into the Fireplace with an
impressive gesture. Then from his desk
he produced several letters and large
book labeled journal"
Here it is" he exclaimed, throwing
the book down on the table in front Of
me; Richard Kerth's Ready Letter
Writer, or the Art of Holding Up Our
Relations And here are sample re-
turns" he added, dropping the letters
on the table. 'But you had better be-
gin at my end of the transaction. Read
in the book first-the last batch of let
tiers copied there I always COPY 'em
SO as to keep track of what I'm doing -
l opened the volume at the place
where he indicated, and began to read
aloud: "'Hiram Griffin, Cleveland, o.
My Dear Uncle
"My mothers only BROTHER" interpo-
lated the scapegrace-''Presby terian
elder-hardware merchant-moral cit.
izen."
read on:
Il suppose you will be devilish glad to learn
that have at last decided to turn my face
hOmeward. I'm tired of wandering, and it's
mighty poor picking out here. I expect to start
in couple Of weeks, unless hear from you in
the meantime lot of California stock will
be entered at the fall meeting at Cleveland,
and think can fix for both Of us to get let in
on the ground floor, SO that we can make good
thing out of it. How are Bill and JIMMY"
''William and James," said the black
sheep, rolling up his eyes; ''his sons,
whom he is bringing up in the way they
should go-pious youths of sixteen or
thereabonts.
~ expect they would enjoy the races and
some Of life that could show them. I plan to
spend month in Cleveland, and perhaps may
locate there. Some Of the fellows are making
up party to 20 to China. If had couple of
hundred more would go with them, but have
only just enough to take me home. Your afIec-
tionate nephew, RICHARD"
Gold chills ran down his back when
he read that letter." said Mr.. Kerth.
''Here is his reply. He prays for the
salvation of my soul, and incloses a
check for two hundred. See? Read
the next one."
It was addressed to rs. Van Doosan
Kerth, The Beauchamp. NewY ork City"
and began: Dear Uncle.'
feathers BROTHER" the scapegrace
explained; 'old bachelor-great swell.
He never saw me, and has an idea that
l am very wild and woolly, like every
thing west of the Croton aqueduct"
read as follows:
"'DEAR UNCLE-Respected brother Of my
parent; take my pen in hand to let you know
that two weeks from date shall take the train
champ House, where you are staying. If you
should happen to be out OF town, will wait
until you get back for mean to live in your
city hereafter; I hope to get a job there I
know you will help me, as your brothers son,
to get job. Perhaps Mr.. Beauchamp would
like man to carry trunks. know you will be
glad to see me. If could get into the grocery
business here would stay, and q man know
of will take me in for two hundred dollars
Please look for me at the depot in the emigrant-
cars. Your nephew, RICHARD"
Imagine Uncle Van Doosan reading
that epistle at his club" said the scape-
grace; II wonder it didn't give him a
stroke of apoplexy. However, it was
not the first of its kind. He always
comes up. don't have to whistle twice
to him."
The next was addressed to MRS.
Elizabeth Pennington, Germantown,
Philadelphia
Van Doosan's sister," said the scape-
grace; 'they have quarreled and won't
compare notes. She is a widow, with a
fine income and an elegant place. Two
lovely manageable daughters"
The letter set forth the intended
visit of Mr.. Richard Kerth to the East
and his plan to spend some time at Ger.
mantown-at his aunt's residence, If
she wished it so; if not, with some
frieLds of his there by the name of
Boggs. There were various gallant
references to Mr.. Kerth's cousins, and a
delicate insinuation that he would prob
ably fall in love with one of them dur
ing his visit There was also casual
reference to the sum of one hundred
and fifty dollars. y
''She was short this time" remarked
the writer of the letter, aloud; ''only
sent hundred. Strike her deeper next
time" -
There were two more letters in the
batch-both to cousins living in Chica.
20. They were full of mysterious hints
about good times to be enjoyed when
he should visit that city shortly. Each
demanded plain loan of fifty dollars.
Il send them to their houses said
he, with villainous grin; ''their wives
read 'em first. Good for fifty any time. y
noticed that the book was written
nearly full, and that Mr.. Kerthrs visit
ing list'-if SO it might be called-con.
tanned some ten or fifteen names. Each
letter was dated, and underneath was
entered the result achieved. The latter
was generally favorable.
Whenever the machinery gets
rusty" said the scapegrace, (which
happens every four or five years, take
trip East and lubricate things. After
that" he added. with wink, sit runs
better" s.
/ do not know whether l have done
wisely In making these facts public
Fer tAssS ssS many people whs might