The Dickinson press., 1891-07-18

IN}Nh" - able scenes where one
A:iaaAHessE- would expect moth
AZ-=|ing but churchlike
sulcmnity," said a well known minis
e. the other day.
81 have stood by the sick and the
dying andhavescen incidents worthy
of description by a hnmorist's pen.
| have stood at the marriage altar
wlerethe veryair breathcd solemnity,
and have with difficulty kept down
laughter over some ridiculous scene
or situation. A minister's life is full
Of rich and happychanges, and | pity
the man who can pass through such
u life an rxcmpliiication of Il walking
tombstone. Poor man, he never
learned the secret of life!
| was fresh from - theological
seminary, and had entered upon the
duties of my first charge at a salary
of $500 II year. Never shall | forget
those days o the novel way n
brother insisted upon paying his
part of the minister's salary. This
dear, good pillar of the church kept
IL small country grocery, and one
day, while making my pastoral call,
] stepped into the establishment of
the brother to inquire after his
spiritual welfare. He motioned me
to where he was seated, and after
finishing his pipeofthe vilest tobacco
l ever smclled, began:
go aint much good anyhow, par
son, and don't deserve a very large
share of the kingdom, but durn me if
ldon't want to do the square thing
by You, so I'll contribute $40, to be
paid in peanuts.
81 took the first installment and
retreatrd soon after, wondering all
the time what some of my young
ministerial brethren would say to
such IL pastoral call
Zone night shortly after this l
made apastornl call at the home of
the young lady who afterwards be-
came my wife. While there an ignor-
ant, but good meaning, country fell
low cametothcd oorand asked for the
minister, saying he understood that
parsonage was there. He was invited
i'll and | was called to meet him. AZ
ter blushing profusely and making
several Intellectual attempts to make
knownhis GRAND, he managed to say
in broken sentences, with tears, as it
We're, in his voice:
IL want to-I-come to see you
abo-that is, whatwill you charge 70
ma-mnrr-marry me"
"When informed that there was no
regular charge, that any donation
would be gladly received, he opened
his heart to the extent of cord Of
wood and the bargain was closed,
but what | was to do with such a
barter was a mystery to me.
Son another occasion at a social
meeting | had become quite eloquent
in prayer, and I'm afraid Ienghty. 1
had prayed for the sick, the afflicted,
the absent ones, the heatlenat home
and abroad and had importuned
blessings upon everybody on the
earth, sea or in heaven, and reached
the now finally, Lord when an un-
thinking brother, whose heart was all
right, called out, 'Amen! amen!' so
frequently and the situation seemed
SO ridiculous that l brought my pc
tition to a most speedy close, even
more speedy than l had intended,
after the finally
"That was twenty-five years ago
in a small New Eng land village, and
I've served better churches since then.
At one ofmy cityappointments l had
an experience in a wedding ceremony
that for an amusing situation sur
passes anything l have ever seen.
The groom wanted a ceremony with
no break whatever, one Of the
smoothest of the smooth, so
he borrowed my ritual to
pip up on the questions and answers,
but by mistake he got hold of the
baptism covenant and committed the
answers to it. The wedding day ar.
rived, so did the nervous groom with
his bride, and they walked up the
church aisle keeping stepto the grand
old strains of Mendelssohn's wedding
march. | had a premonition Of
trouble. The ceremony began.
"'John, will you have this woman
to be your welded wife, to live after
Gods holy ordinance, to love and
cherish in sickness or in health"
"I renounce them ALL answered
John.
"'You're a fool,' said l to him I'm.
der my breath.
"'All this l steadfastly believe
came the answer and ditto q sound
ofsurppressedlaught from the audi.
ence. There was Il hurried conversa.
ton betweenJohn andme and / then
repeated the question, likewise the
answer to it and to all succeeding
ones.
SAT another wedding the contract
ing parties were a young man, long
and lank, about twenty and five
and a fat buNom willow about forty
The ceremony was performed at the
parsonage, and on the chair bellinc
the couple was seated a small dog
all cur, as he proved, belonging t.
the woman. AS l was about to place
my hand on theirs already ]olned
preparatory to pronouncing then
man and wife, that dog witha terrifi,
bark made a spring at me, and l wa:
compelled, for themoment toretreat
"That reminds me of a similar
though different experience in it:
finale. put out my hand as usual
to pronounce this couple joined il
holy wedlock when the groom startled
me by grasping my hand in a hearty
manner, exclaiming as he nearly
shook my arm off:
"Put her thar. dominic. for slxt,
days. Count on me every time
WHAT'S the damage?"
81 thanked him for his good will
and the ceremony was concluded
though it about killed matosunpress