Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-01-09
Mr.. AND MRS. soWsER.
Tho Latest Episode In the Domestic Life
OF That Peculiar Couple.


explanation, ''do you know that we
have had close Gala dozen close
ealls-from being burned alive in our
bedsr'
Lands, no! What do you meanp"
IL mean that there hasn't been an
hour in the twenty-four since we
moved into this house that 1t was not
liable 10 take fire. In other words, we
have been slumbering on the edge OF .
volcano"
"Why, Mr.. Bowser!"
Nothing but the hand OF Proyi
dence has prevented great disaster,
he continued rs he dumped the last OF
the clothes out of the hamper.
But what has that hamper to do
with it?"
Everything. Mrs. Eowser, did you
ever hear of spontaneous combustion"
''Of course"
well. there hasn't been day that
all the elements necessary to sponta-
neous combustion haven't been present
in this hamper. Also, in various other
places ia this house. | shudder over
our narrow escape"
"You-you haven't gone and got an
other fire escape, have you?"
There you 90! Always ready to
throw up something! suppose you'll
call this notion of mine?"
What has spontaneous combustion
got to do with our clothes hamper?n
Everything. Here are the ele-
ments right here to start fire. Here
ere cotton. wool and silk crowded to-
gether in temperature of at least 80
degrees. Nothing could be more
favorable"
al don't believe it!'
What! WHAT! shouted Mr.. Bow
ser. holding up FELLOWSHIP in one
hand and one of baby's stockings in
the other. You don't believe in spon.
taneous combustion"
Under certain conditions. yes. but
those conditions can not be found
here. Some one has been working on
your imagination.
'Oh! They have! On my magma
ton" he softly whispered. When
every scientist and scientific publica.
ton believes in spontaneous combus.
tion-when it is practically demon
strated every day in the year-when i.
is fact As well known rs that horse
has teeth, you stand there and tell mo
that have been played on! Mrs.
Bowser, will you have the kindness TO
go down stairs"
went down. and he took every arti-
Gle from the hamper and spread them
out on the floor. Then he went
through every clothes closet and
bureau drawer, and it was fully two
hours before he came down aud heaved
great sigh of relief. aud said:
There! We shall not be burned
alive-not tonight!
There was no danger" | replied.
There wasn't, Ell! Mrs. Bowser, |
II
His emotion overcame him. and /
got opportunity to say:
why don't other peoples houses
burn up through spontaneous combus-
1lon?'
No answer.
II haven't seen anything in the
papers about a clothes hamper explo-
sion"
Mr. Bowser gritted his teeth.
If ii has got TO that pass that the
sheets off the spare bed can't come in
pontaot with the baby's stockings with
out striking tire, we'd better till the
cellar with tin boxes"
Mr.. Bowser kicked at the cat, but
missed her by about two feet.
But thore'll be n fire. of course.
You have overlooked an old vest some-
where aud it will get down Off its
hook and walk over to one Of your old
shoes aud arrange for bonfire. |
shan't sleep wink tonight"
Mr.. Bowser circled around the room
hree times with great dignity. and
then went off to bed. When he WAS
out of the way / went out and had a
talk with the cook. The result was
that we brought an iron kettle into
the front hall, got out some cotton
batting. and rs / went upstairs she
whispered to me:
Il understand ma'am. In exactly
half an hour I'm to touch it of"
Mr.. Bowser was in bed and though
| spoke about the cool wave. baby's
TO say. | wasn't hurt, however. l
got iuto bed and waited. 1t wasn't
over ten minutes uutil the odor OF
burning cotton was plain enough in
the room. and / sat up aud gave Mr..
Bowser dig and asked:
Don't you smell smoke?'
"Smoke!' he shouted after sniff or
two Il smell lre!'
Perhaps the cook lighted the gas
with paper"
Perhaps the COMPOUNDED house is
aiire! Che jumps out of bed) of course
it Is! Che goes to the door. She's all
ablaze down stairs! Fire! Fire!
THE baby | shouted rs he danced
around but he was gone. carrying his
pantaloons and one shoe under his
arm. He ran down the hall. shouting
''tire!' at the top of his voice. came
back and grabbed his necktie and
shouted again. and the next heard of
! him he was in the front of the house
yelling like an Indian. Half a dozen
men were going by on their way home
| from some sort of convention. and they
rushed into the house and soon located
the fire. heard Mr.. Bowser telling
them that he had long expected it. and
that he had the most careless wife in
tka a tl,.f he. 1..ft clo