Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-11-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Many handkerchiefs are moistened by
sorrows that never occur.-Ieras Sift-
ings.
Dentists are not all farmers, but they
live on the achers just the same.-Pitts-
burg Dispatch.
It would be hardly fair to call jack
legged lawyer limb of the law.-Ne,o
Orleans Picayune.
An acceptable third party movement
Leaving the young couple by themselves.
-LosoeU Courier.
81 see that tapir escaped from
travelling menagerie in France recently"
"H'm. Sort of a runaway matchs"-
Puck.
ssMamma, why do they put the pic
ture of an eagle on dollarss" "To show
that money flies, my dear. "-BaItinaore
American.
Marriage is divine institution, but it
is hard to divine some peoples reason
for ever having entered it.-Boston
Transcript.
A man never fully realizes how much
of sponge he is until he slips down in
a puddle of water and mops it all up
Richmond Recorder.
Here is the tomb of Bitter Bill,
Wild nature was his tutor;
The citizens saw fit to kill
Him with a seven-shooter.
Washington Star.
When young man and his best girl
get into swing by themselves it is re-
markable how they will mix up oscilla-
ton with osculation. -BufaO Er-
press.
"What are you marrying her for, Jack7"
''Her intrinsic worth-nothing else, l
assure you." "What is that2" "Oh,
about half-million or so."-Kansas City
Times.
Wool-"What do you go to church
for2" Van Pelt-"To set an example to
my children" Wool - care they
troubled with insomnia9 9"-NeD York
Herald.
"Why do you keep that old candle on
your desk'" ''Well, you see the electric
light gives just sixteen candle power,
and some time may want seventeen"
Puck.
Be up with the lark at the dawn of the day,
All wise men agree this is right;
But they also agree that tits folly to stay
With that frolicsome fowl all night
Washington Star.
"Poor little soull" said Uncle George,
gazing at the baby. "Why poor9"
asked the proud father. "Nature has
given him black eye to start with, re-
piled George. .-Harper's Basar.
They're having picnic in the woods.
"Oh, papa" exclaimed little Fritz,
running up with chestnut burr in his.
hand, ''look! I've found the egg of
porcupine Flie9ende Blaetter.
"I suppose that Tom will receive some
thing handsome when his rich uncle dies.
He has only to show great respect for
the old gentleman" "Not so much re-
spect as expect. Boston Transcript.
Little drops of water
In a rainy spell
Make you wish you hadn't
Lent your new umbrell.
Washington Star.
Whether it is due to the multiplicity
of rain machines at work in this country
am unprepared to say, but so many
aeronauts are falling from the skies in
these days that it is positively reckless
to go out without an umbrella. a.-Detron
Free Press.
Teacher-'sTry to remember this:
Milton, the poet, was blind. Do you
think you can remember its" "Yes,
ma am" ''Now, what was Milton's
great misfortune9" "He was poet. "
american Grocer
Mrs. Cumso-sI love to hear the song
of the birds" Cumso (severely)-"The
one which furnished the feathers for that
hat of yours will never sing again"
Mrs. Cumso-s'It never did sing Those
are chicken feathers. ."-Neto York Sun.
Why Not: Elderly but Well Preserved
Widow Gn business) )-"This is an EN-
ployment agency, is it nota" Manager
-'It is, ma'am. What can do for
you2" 'I want bright, active,
capable young man for a typewriter. -
Chicago Tribune.
mo, Bobby" said his mother, ''one
piece of pie is quite enough for you"
"It's funny" responded Bobby, with an
injured air. "You say you are anxious
for me to learn to cat properly, and yet
you won't even give me chance to prac-
tice. - Washington Hatchet.