davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-"That was a sympathetic audience
had" asked the lecturer. Yes.
thought they all seemed sorry for each
other said his bosom friend.
Behind the Times. - Poet, consult
ing thermometer-'I declare! already
80 degrees and not one spring sonnet
yet acknowledgements Batter.
You can come in" said st. Peter
to the young applicant for admission,
but you will have to leave your de-
tective camera outside. IN. y. Re-
corder.
Stern Necessity.-'IIow did you
learn to write at such tremendous
rate?" by using fountain pen that
made a huge blot when didn't write
at lightning speed. Saturday Evening
Herald.
"A. latter the concert)-"I notice
you have got a fine rose out of the
prima donna's bouquet. Yournust stand
high in her favor?" The Mus.eal Critic
20, no; this is merely cops for ed
itorial review. "-Fliegende Batter.
Aqua Pura.-New Drug Clerk-'Ts
this the distilled water?' Druggist
whats it like?" Clerk (snifing)-
Tastes fiat and smells bad" Drug
gist-"Yes, that's it" - Demorests
Monthly.
Free to Hopefully I hope?" he
asked, after his seventh rejection.
EYES," she replied, you may" BE
cause" he said pleadingly. BE
cause" she responded earnestly, this
is free country. "-Washington Post.
"A Friends Advice. -Tom-"You've
cold 'l1.'' Jack positively 1
have TONIC, yes, you have.
Better q drink of this whisky-best
thing i'll ne world for a cold" Jack
II guess l have a slight cold.
Thanks. Yankee Blade.
"A Polite Boarder - Landlady -
''Have some of this butter, Mr.. Bor-
dame" Mr.. b. mo, thank you"
Landlady-"Ah. you don't love butter"
Mr.. B.-"Well, cannot say that love
that butter; but, my dear madam, | as
sure you that it's age commands my sin
cerest respect. "-Washington Star.
-Unutterably Weary. Madge-
Jack do you really, really love me?"
JdCh- NdtlSt, YOU dIS Iuc OILY NOl1ldu
that / have ever Low" Madge-
Jack I've been to Newport for three
seasons and l would sooner lose your
love than have that measly, mouldy,
widowed chestnut sprung in upon me
again."-N. Y. Herald.
An Important Domestic Question:
Mother-"Then you will come to-mor-
row?" Nurse-"Yes, ma'am. But I'd
like to know one thing, ma'am, about
the work. Do you pay much attention
to the baby, ma'am?" Mother-"Wbat
has that got to do with it," Nurse
"a great deal, nna'am. AS nurse. of
course, don't expect much wages, but
if I've got to be mother to the little
one, too, want more. N. Y. Sun.
Time for SIeep.-''Will you kindly
sing something's" he said, after some
what prolonged pause in the CONVERSE
ton. what shall l sing?' she asked,
running her fingers carelessly over the
keys of the instrument. "Anything-
something appropriate" Something
appropriate" she repeated looking at
the clock; then 1 will sing lullaby
Cape Cod Item.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12
THE GAR FELT HONORED.
A "Degree- Conferred on Him by HaI
ward Society.

A "Degree- Conferred on Him by . Har-
ward Society.
Years ago there existed at Harvard
secret society called the Med Fac"
whose sole object seems to have been
the preparation of practical jokes AT
one of the meetings it was suggested
that the society confer fictitious
honorary degree on Nicholas, who was
at that time car of Russia, and accord
ingly a committee was appointed to
draft a communication which should be
prepared and forwarded to his imperial
majesty. The draft was duly pre-
scented, copy made, and after having
been properly signed sealed and certi-
fed it was dispatched to Russia
In the course of month or two il
was learned that one of the express
companies had Il packages for society
called the ''Med. Fac" and the officers
of this society were not tardy in claim
ing their property. Attached to the
package was letter bearing the royal
seal of Russia, and on opening it it was
found to be a reply from the chamber
lain of the czar to the communication of
the society. His majesty had with
much pleasure learned of the great
honor conferred on him by such i dis
tinguished institution as Harvard, and
felt much flattered with the dignity it
bore. He therefore, in accepting the
honor, desired to convey his best wishes
to this distinguished part of the great
university, and hoped that the accom-
panying gift might be accepted as a
slight token of his regard
On opening the package it was found
to contain complete case of the most
valuable surgical instruments. The gift
ever afterward occupied a prominent
place among the decorations of the So
ciety's quarters.-N. y. Times.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12
Man Must Have a Cook.

Man always needs cook. A college
professor, bereft of his wife, who had
done his housework for years, engaged
a cook at greater wages than had been
the allowance he gave his wife. He
bargained for punctuality. II must
have my dinner at H." he stated. II
can't get it ready till o'clock. she an
swered. He yielded and changed the
hour of his college recitation. The
next week she demanded new stove,
as the old one was too low. ut costs
too much" he cxpostulateG. 81 can't
afford to hurt my back" she replied
He knew it was not easy to find anoth-
er good cook, and bought the stove. A
week later she desired him to send for
the carpenter that the back staircase
might be changed. Then he dismissed
her and became a boarder. Which was
the cheaper thing to do?-Pittsburgh
DiSDatch
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12
SQUELCHING A TERROR.
He Was Deadly. But He Didn't Want
Meet "Sawed-OH."

He Was Deadly. But He Didn't Want to
Meet "Sawed-OE"
Among the passengers who landed in
Detroit from u western train the other
morning was a young man wearing a
cowboy hat, a bearskin overcoat, the
claw of the grizzly bear as a breast pin,
and other outward tokens of being a
terror from the far west. AS he hung
around to make some inquiries, Officer
Button queried of him:
From Colorado?'
NO from Montana"
"You can shoot, throw the lasso and
use the bowie-lnife, l SUPPOSE
Certainly can
"Killed your man?'
"Three of EN-"
'Going to stop over?"
eyes, for n few hours I've heard a
good deal about Detroit and want to see
the town"
'Yes. Let me give you a pointer.
We've got little bit of a sawed-off man
in town who had one of his ears sliced
off by western tough. He does moth
ing but walk around and look for chaps
of your build. When he finds one he
lights right on to him, and it's goodbye
tough"
mo"
''Sure as shooting He's done ur
seven or eight in month. If you go up
town leave all those things in the pack
age room. If you don't, if he catches
sight of that hat or overcoat or bears.
claw you'll be goner."
"Do the authorities allow him to hop
on TO people that way?"
"They can't help themselves. I'm
giving you a friendly tip Look out for
sawed-off."
The man sat down to think it over,
came to decision after while, and
got into seat in corner of the room
and sat there five long hours before he
got his train further east.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12

Nupop-Maria, I believe that baby
knows now what it took Sir Isaac
Newton life of thought to find out.
Mrs. Nupop-How absurd What do
you mean?
Nupop-Just notice how he tits that
bottle to gravitate the milk his way
Puck
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12
Salter with a T..

Teacher - Dicly Ricketts,, can you
spell psalter?
Dickey tbeaming)-Yes, sir. P-s-a-l-
ter.
Teacher--Good. What is the mean
ing of the word, Dicky?
nieky hangs his head and little
club at the foot of the class holds 10
his hand and shouts, More salt, sir!
Satern twas - of.n--Iudge,
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12
Would Have Held Her In.

"a Newburgh girl fell from her chair
and broke her mock, singular accident,
wasn't it,"
Yes replied Dewitt, "but if I had
been there could have saved her.
Munsey's Weekly.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12

Onions shoRld be soaked in sailed
warm water previous to cooking, tc
partly remove any strong odor they may
possess.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-12

-Harry-"Werc you ever hypno-
tizcd?" Jack-"Only once" Harry
when was that?" Jack-"Whcn ]
lent you iv dollars "--Boston Globe
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
500 Reward. 500

The read RS Of this paper will be pleased
TO learn that there is at least one dreaded
disease that science has been able to cure
IN all its stages, and that is Catarrh. Halls
Caiarrh Cure is the only positive cure now
known TO the medical fraternity. Catarrh
being. constitutional disease, requires a
constitutional treatment. HALLS Catarrh
Cure IS taken internally, act ng directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system, thereby destroying the foundation
OF the disease, and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution
and assisting nature in doing its work. The
proprletors have so much faith in its cura.
tlvepowers that they offer 500 for any case
mat 1t fails to cure. Send for list of test-
monials. +, ]. CHENEY & Co., Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

A beeuAlar fact with refer.
ence to DR.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery is, that,
unlike sarsaparillas and other
blood medicines, which are
said to be good for the blood
in March, April and May, the
discovery" works equally
yell all the year round, and
IN all cases of blood-taints or
humors, no matter what their
name or nature.
It's the cheapest blood
purifier sold through drug
gists.
WAy? Because it's sold
on a peculiar bAan, and you
only pay for The good you
get.
Can you ask morei
"Golden Medical Discov-
cry" 10 a concentrated vege-
table extract, put up in large
bottles; contains no alcohol
to inebriate, no syrup or
sugar to derange digestion;
is pleasant to the taste, and
equally good for adults or
children.
The Discovery" cures all
Skin, Scalp and Scrofulous
affections, as Eczema, letter,
Salt.rheum, Fever-sores, White
Swellings, Hip Joint disease
and kindred ailments.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
Make Glad Hearts That Are Sad.

The youth of both sexes that find them
selves in state of i'll health at that interest
ing period when they reach manhood and
womanhood, should not let themselves
despond. Away with gloomy melancholy !
Life is before you, and with proper treat
ment and care perfect health will be your
portion. A perfect mani A perfect woman
The noblest work of God Keep clear OF
quack doctors and their pernicious medical
literature They seek to rob you of your
purse and to gain this end would frighten
the very life out of YOU All you need at
this time of life is an occasional use of that
excellent strengthening medicine invented
by that eminent physician DR.. John Bull, of
saparlla It IS o complete m % repuator nuf Sa1 of
every organic function, giving health and
power to every part, and assuring perfect
self control How glad hearts that are sad
will be when they know this.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
Life's Pauses.

curious stranger environed in doubt
An Interrogation point toddling about,
bundle OF Notwithstanding more
Cooing and creeping upon the floor.
comma Of sunshine, playtime to see
Ihe flower, the bird the brook, and the tree;
vision of childhood one for the pause
ripple OF laughter, golden clause.
Astile In the pathway, summer day,
blisSful moment too sweet to stay;
swift Semicolon of youth divine
Eount two in tracing the raptured line.
An exclamation, "Youl Oh, you'll"
The same old story forever new;
An arrows flight to soul new found,
volume of love in vowel sound
song, prayer, marriage vow,
compound word in the chapter pow,
Only hyphen, but angels wait
And hush their anthem in Heavens gate.
A CLEAN Of light in the gliding years,
A colon of joy in the font appears,
point of hope in the f1ceting text
Our line continued in the next.
The sentence finished a gentle mound
by waving grass encircled round;
period here, but not complete,
Merely rest for weary feet.
rest for the night till the morning wakes
TIL the purpling East in glory breaks
Faith writes dash for the great To Es-
Beyond Times bracket-Eternity
-Blackwood's Magazine
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
Grown Cold.

eweel memories thrill my dreaming brain
Ana stir my heart with wild, weird pain,
Like an electric shock,
Moen recall that June day, gone,
"hen' near stream we sat upon
A moss'grown shelving rock.
we heard the silvery ripples flow,
Ihe wild rose hedges were aglow;
Red clover clothed the hill.
Warm was her smile, and sweetly warm
The hand held upon my arm
Now all is changed and chill.
snow drapes the hedge, frost locks tn,
stream;
Long icicles in splendor CLEAN,
Hung from that rocky shelf.
But ], alas know something far
More cold than even these things are,
And that's-the girl herself
Madeline S. Bridges.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
TO PUT IN YOUR HAT.
How Mckinley Increased the Duties O
Wool Hats.

How Mckinley Increased the Duties on
Wool Hats.
The Mckinley duties on wool hats
show a sharp increase upon the old
rates. The duties in both the old law
and in the present law are so-called
compound duties; that is, there is q spe-
cific duty Of so much per pound and an
ad valorem duty in addition. Thus on
hats valued at 80 cents pound or less
the old duty was ten cents n pound and
35 per cent. ad valorem-the compound
duty being equal to an ad valorem duty
of 6S per cent The corresponding Nc.
Kinley duty is 1917 cents per pound and
80 per cent, the two duties here being
equivalent to an ad valorem duty of s5
per cent.
Hats of the next class are those valued
at more than 80 and not more than 40
cents pound The old duty on this
grade was equivalent to 65 per cent,
and the Mckinley duty 90
The next grade of hats under the old
law was those valued at between 40 and
60 cents pound The Mckinley law
makes this class stop at so cents and
adds class covering those between 80
and 90 cents per pound. Thus under
the old law hats in the class between 40
and so bore an equivalent ad valorem
duty of II per cent, and under the
Mckinley law the equivalent ad valorem
is 1Ol per cent On hatswort between
30 and 90 cents the equivalent in the old
law was 0s per cent, in the Mckinley
law 1t Is 1l2 per cent.
The next class in both laws extends
from so to so cents Il pound-the nd
valorem equivalent being ~ per cent,
and the Mckinley nd valorcm 100 per
cent.
The last class In both laws covers
hats valued at above so cents u pound.
The old tariff levied q duty here which
was equal to 90 per cent; and McKin-
ley made only slight advance In this
highest class Of hats his equivalent ad
valorem being II per cent Having got
ten above the range of the poorer class
OF buyers he saw no good reason for in
creasing the duty very much,
The equivalent nd valorem duties
here given are obtained by combining
the pound duty and the ad valorem rate
and calculating them upon the value OF
hats imported, Very few wool hats,
however, were imported under the old
law, the rates under IL being almost
prohibitory; but under the Mckinley
law Importation may be expected TO
cease entirely. The American manu-.
tacturers had q practical monopoly be,
fore, and Mckinley gives them com.
plete monopoly Shall we not now
have wool hat trustp
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
A PlATE-GlASS TRUST.

The American Manufacturers of Plate-
Glass Meet and Raise Prices-A Highly
Protected Industry Gets More Tariff Pan
treat Profits of the Industry-The En-
glsh Take q Hand,
On the day after Christmas the New
York Tribune, the champion high tariff
organ OF the country, printed the fol-
lowing dispatch from Pittsburgh, Pa:
meeting OF the manufacturers and lob.
Ders OF the plate. glass trade will be held In
thls city in the near future. At the recent
new York meeting 1t was decided TO advance
prices 30 per cent, but since then Western
men have made stand for a 25 per cent, nd
vance The avowed intention of the frater.
MAJ combination is to keep plate glass prices
at the highest figure possible, and at the
same time keep 1t low enough to shut out all
importation.
When trusts are formed the manu-
facturers who go into them usually put
forward some such excuse as "ruinous
competition" and sometimes they call
1t "cut-throat competition" Before the
ways and Means Committee at Wash
inrgton they plead for protection upon
the ground that it will bring about com.
petition; but when competition has be.
gun to do Its work they suddenly dis.
cover that competition is the very thing
mat they do not want; hence they must
get rid of competition" and so trust
Is formed.
But the plate-glass manufacturers are
the last men that should complain OF
Excessive competition and low profits.
ihere are only nine or ten factories In
TINS country which make plate-glass:
ana there is usually an understanding
among these as to their price lists. This
combmation, how ever, was not so strong
us to prevent some Of the manufactur.
ers and dealers from cutting prices,
hence at the New York meeting re.
'erred to steps were taken to make the
combination more solid.
The New York Oil, Paint and Drug
Feporter which is also an organ of the
glass trade, printed an editorial on the
subject of the New York meeting in
Which It said "
Nv on saturday last tho dealers OF this cltv
nv Boston met Mt tho Metropolitan Hotel
snu held u prolonged session with closed
eoors' Az tho end OF the Wootlng II was nm :
nouheod that tho combination had pcon mn.
rially strengthened by tho esactlon NJ
Nnowod pledges to maintain tho agreed
lhis paper furthermore described the
plate-glass market as 'in better shane
nan ever BEFORE" there being an active
asmand and "stocks in all hands low "
hese low stocks can not, however, be
Eplenished by importation, as the Nc.
'nley duties are almost prohibitory.
d the Reporter points out further
~ mo relief can be looked for from
other side, as prices there have been
vanced of late, and the import cost is
ogethertoo high to encourage import
nc pfoteetionists are fond Of point
TO the plate-glass industry, as one
'he best illustrations Of the wisdom
prr high tariff policy, They point
how the industry had to struggle
q foothold here In its infancy, how
~ ection came 70 It's aia how The pro.
~. .-fN 49, a11,.-..-...s =. -. - ~
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

THOSE Of you who are weary and heavy
adened with sickness and care, weighed
down with the infirmities that beset the
human system, can find the one thing nee
essary to restore you to. bright buoyant
health, in Sherman's Prickly Ash Btters.
1t lnvigorates and strengthens the debili-
tated organs, aids digestion, and dlspels The
clouds arising from diseased liver
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

GREAT mistakes are often made in irving
10 economize 1t is safe rule to follow that
tne Jest is always the cheapest A CHEAP
PHYSICIAN may cost you your life If YOU
nave Malaria in your system, you will not
only be miserable, but unfit to work Lost
I Ilme Is money lost One dollar spent for
onaIleh6erger Antidote will cure you in
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
Confinement and Hard Work

Indoors, particularly in the sitting posture
are far more prejudicial to health than ex
cesslye muscular exertion in the open air
Hard sedentary workers are far too weary
aiter Office hours to take much needful exer.
clse in the open air. They often need a tonic
Where can they seek invigoration more Ger.
talnly and agreeably than from Hostetter's :
otomach Bltters, renovant particularly
adapted to recruit the exhausted force Of
nature, Use also for dyspepsia, kidney,
liver and rheumatic ailments.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

- l KNOW from experience that Dr. Bulls
Sarsaparilla Is the right medicine to Use
when one feels weak and debiitated. | be-
heve it saved my life, for l grew worse
every. day from the effects of nervous debil-
lty, OF which this remedy cured me COM
petely.-C, j. Grave, Wilmington, Del.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05
Gratifying to All.

The high position attained and the uniyer.
sal acceptance and approval of the pleasant
liquid fruit remedy Syrup of Figs, as the
most excellent laxative known, illustrate
the value OF the qualities on which its sue.
cess IS based and are abundantly gratifying
10 the California Fig Syrup Company
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

You wear out clothes on a wash board
ten times as much as on the body. Ho,U fool
lSh. Buy Dobbins' Electric Soap of vour
grocer and save this useless wear Made
ever since 1864. Don't take imitation. There
are lots Of them.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

A CHEERFUL home is where cheerful chill
dren play They cannot be cheerful or have
good health unless they are occasionally
given DR.. Bulls Worm Destroyers.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

FOR THROAT DISEASES AND CoudHs use
BROWNS BRONCHIAL TRocHEs. Like all
really good things, they are initiated. The
genuine are sold oniu Il. boIes,
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

IN The Car.-She (sitting down, thought
u 90 50 hate 10 discommode gentleman "
He,"O, you are doing nothing of the kind,
madam, assure YOU" = Indianapolis
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

HAVE you any thing to say, prisoneri"
asked the Judge. "No your honor, except
mat It takes very little to please me.n-
Philadelphia Times,
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

SOMEHOW or other the college professor
who prefers to stand well seems to be
always looking about for a good chair
Elmira Gazette
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

WHAT have you been doing for the last
yeear'" asked one seedy looking man as he
stopped another on the street '"Time," was
the laconic reply Washington Post.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

1T Is not wise to say every thing YOU
know, but how can some people help It. II
ihey say any thing at Somerville
Journal ''0
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

PEOPLE Are Killed by Coughs that Hale's
Honey OF Horehound and Tar would cure.
flke S Toothache Drops Cure lin one minute.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

HAVE no equal a. prompt and positive
cure Tor sick headache, bliousness, consti.
patton, pain in the side, and all liver troub-
les. Carter's Little Liver Pills. Try them
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

j.. THERE are better things in this world
than money, but it takes money to buy
lhem.-lndlanapolis Journal
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

A WOMAN likes bost to bo paid compli.
ment just at, dusk Then she can enjoy il
completely, In the certainty that no onecan
lell from her expression how much pleased
sho Is, s,--Louisvilo journal,
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

"SHE actually broke her heart when her
husband died" THAT explains her present
anxiety to mend it by re- pairing gn-Phila
delphia Times.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

ADvEnTlsER-"Gingor, I'd like 10 have
you writo, mo u little odo on my baking
powder want II right up to tho prevail
ing style" Gingor-"l understand. You
Wnnt " 0lum.ode N-Boston Conrlor.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

1T is no longer necessary to take blue pills
" rouse the liver to action. Carter's Little
Liver Pills are much better. Don't forget this
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

The Mckinley law increases the al,
ready high protection given TO on,
manufacturers Of calico prints, bu,
calieoee are not demanded In the same
quantities thia year as last year, aud -us
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

WHEN arc Brooklyn people like violin
stringsi When they cross the bridge
Brooklyn Eagle
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

BRONCHITIS is cured by frequent small
doses OF Piso's Cure for Consumption.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

Yes said tho editors widow to tho
tombstone makor, "John was u dear good
husband, and wNnt something nloe, Let
mo see what you have IN tho way OF dls
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

BosslNa is cheap nowadays, Any ono who
can employ n typewriter can DO o dictator
-Binghamton Republican,
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

CnAPPIE-"How did you get hurt, deah
6oyf' Cholly-''A shadow fell on me ~
punch
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

How to get ahead of your own shadow
face the light Puck.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

lnE girl who wears "shoes like run,
Doats' should bo Aeet.ioo creaturo'
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

. THE safe burglar Is always In danger N
Q. PlcnYnno. '
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

PAPA, can dogs tell timer' "a Watchdog
can, possibly Record.
Sharp County record., 1891-02-05

AwL work-Shoemokinp,