The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1891-04-28
HAPPINESS IN HOMES.
Why Married Life is Sometimes Not
Disappointing-Selfsh ].


The much discussed question, rs
marriage a failure2n came up at O
small social gathering a few evenings
since. In the company were an old
bachelor, a widow, several married
people and a couple of young persons
who were absorbed in unsuccessful at
tempts to persuade the company that
they never heard of such a thing as
loves young dream.
Various opinions were advanced and
some little warmth was becoming evil
dent in the remarks of some of the
married guests. The bachelor was
cynical, the youngsters somewhat
shocked and sorrowful and the entire
company uncomfortable.
At length a lady who had hitherto
remained silent was appealed to for
her opinion.
''If we Judge by the amount of hap
piness we find in families, she said,
II Think we may call 1t a failure, for a
perfectly harmonious household Is
very hard to find. There is 80 much
selfishness and so much indifference
displayed, so much | and so little you,
thas the instinct of self-preservation
springs up and takes alarm, and the
individual is at nee put upon the
defensive as to his or her rights.
young people marry and begin
their home life on a wrong basis.
Courtship and marriage, while often
merely an incident to the man, is all
absorbing to the woman. She dreams
about ii, lives in it, worries and cries
over it, and throws her whole life into
the ideal as she has read it in books.
Her ideal husband is always gentle,
tender and considerate; always
home with a smile on his face, and.
although burdened with care and per-
picked with business. is never other
than a hero. She is quite likely to
forget the ideal man can be very disa-
greeable when he is hungry, and finds
little to comfort him in kisses and
blisses If the laundress has failed TO
bring home his linen, or he hasn't a
quiet corner where he may sit down
and rest.
For man is q more solitary creature
than roman There is an old legend
to the effect that Gods original plan
was to create woman the mother of
the race first of all, but, in His far
seeing wisdom, he decided that a wo-
man should never be alone in the
world; so man was created first, that
she might have q companion even in
her earliest hours of existence; and
from her infancy she craves society,
and all through her girlhood has her
Hal - -.s.I F-sAnlu. nr1 fInsr aoaAasa%fAn
is much more intimate than that of
the boy with his mates. And all
through her young days how she con-
fdes in her girl associates, and tells
them all OF her little secrets, reads her
first love-letter to them, and tells
them all about the ideal which she
has fashioned and clothed with graces
as with a garment. How natural that
she should carry a great deal of this
ideal into her married life. and expect
love and devotion all of the time and
that the husband will be as devoted
and as self-sacrificing as the lover.
but all the same he isn't, and she
feels chilled and unhappy, when, after
one greeting kiss, he looks beyond to
see if there are signs OF dinner. or
frowns if there are a number of girl
friends scattered all about the house,
putting an end to the quiet, restful
hours he feels he needs so much after
the days business. He is certain she
cares less for his society than that of
the girls, and naturally resents it.
He thinks he married and had his
home as a place in which to be quiet
and comfortable, and makes up his
mind that he will put a stop to ali this
company. Then he reflects that he is
selfish and a brute, and will do moth
ing of the sort. But such re-
Elections never make the aver
age man happier. He doesn't like
to admit even to himself that he is
wrong, and the necessity for doing so
nettles him. And they both get irri-
tated and petty jealousies spring up,
and there are sharp words and bitter
feelings, and everything goes wrong.
Perhaps good sense come to the res
cue, and they come to a perfect under
standing. but much oftener they grow
worse, until he rushes away tn the
club, or, what is worse, to the saloon
or corner grocery, and she sits down
to NOPE and worry, perchance TO cry;
or, following his example, seeks con-
genial society, and their lives end in
dissipation or an open rupture; per-
haps in dishonor or crime.
And all because each expects too
much of the other. Indeed, this Is the
keynote of almost all unhappiness in
life. We expect too much. Our ideal
is too high, and not finding plain
practical facts to meet it, we are dis
appointed and discouraged, and be-
come sOured and cynical.
1T sometimes happens that two
people who have passed through some
Of the severest trials of existence and
have learned wisdom from the things
they have suffered-two such con
genial spirits may meet, and with the
experience of years stamped on their