davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
THE CHERRY LAUGH.
1t Ceases to BE MelodiOus When IL Issues
From "a Middle "A ged E-arynx.

From d MiddIe-AGed Larynx.
There is TO laughter so musical, meme
so innocent none so evidently spOntane-
Gus as that Of little children The
grimmest msanthrope must admit Its
charm. As we grow older, though we
be still of hilarious tendencies, there IS
no longer any music, or only Of the
tonrs and tin-lZettie kind, N our cachin-
nations Some Of us, and they, per-
haps, not the least genial, having real
lied how literally true IS Schiller's
ernst ist das Leben," find difficulty
In getting cat any vocal hilarity at all.
We may be laugh ng inw9ra.y, but the
sound we are capable OF emitting is the
mere ghost o. what we cog!d compass in
earlier years. Others, asain. carry their
visibility with them into extreme old
age. lettering on the verge OF their
final exit they yet laugh with the loud
est. It is partly hereditary, this patri-
archal guffaw COR laugh IS sometimes
handed down from father TO son, like a
nose or a sneeza. Carlyle mentions that
he himself enjoyed an Inheritance of
this nature, and this no doubt accounts
those to whom an audible expression Of
mirth had been denied. Had ne been
one whose utteranceS, cachian&torg and
other, were not habituaily made with all
pedals down and all stops out, We should
belize have heard nothing Of the moral
depravity and hopeless prospects of the
man who can rot laugh. And the
laughter of maturity. is IT. alter all, so
very lovable ard grateful TO the ear?
Mark atJeGtively the notes of merri-
ment as they jSsas from middle-aged
larynx. i i possible that this success
sion of short barks this alienation of
gaSpS and whecz,ngs. really connOtes an
irreprcssible gayety within? Are these
horrible distortions OF responsible
householder features. in sober truth,
a sure sign that he is vastly amused? If
so it be, then they, the fountain Of
whose mirth is Theoretically sealed, are
not wholly without consolation.
Nevertheless, it can not be denied
that, for getting On in the world, a
CHEEKY laugh is valuable ally. We are
apt to think wei Of and 10 bcfriend, if
necessary, the man who never fails to
see the point of our witticisms, and
gives loud and hearty evidence of his
appreciation. a grave man is a bore; to
be tao urn and uniformly serious one
Shout have 10 need of tie worlds good
opinion or assistance. TO sit in gay
company a dumb dog, unable to say
good things ones self or 20 cackle, melo-
diously or otherwise. at the good things
of ones neighbors, isconsidered crime,
which no moral or intellectual virtues
can expiate -Gentleman's Magazine.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
PLAIN HOME TALK.

Appropriate Fashions FOR Ladies' Who Are
No Longer Young.
In the selection OF evening dresses
there is good deal Of latitude, but in
my opinion, pale shades of blue and pink
should not be chosen. Maize and all
shades of yellow are very popular, and
combine prettily with the t.me-hOnOred
black lace, either as unGcrslzirt or trim
msngs. Gray silk is effectively made up
with gold or yellow and white brocade,
and this combination is greatly fancied
by PariSianS. A pretty lavender with
panels and waist trimmings Of plain or
brocaded violet of harmonizing shade,
or lace net of delicate violet with pend
ants Of a deeper shade, is also very be-
coming, and pretty fan for such cos
tune is large pansy com bining in It's
petals the shades OF the gown and trim
mings. If the indispensable black lace
has second waist with low or Y shaped
lining, sober street costume can, at
fifteen minutes notice, be transformed
into quite dressy to let. Some have
two sets of bows ready made for the
waist and sleeves, and two sets of pend
ants in different styles and colcrS sewed
into belts The fashionable laces are
very light and gauzy; and il the neck is
too thin for even vailed exhibition
an evening waist can be made
cool and dressy by having the lin
ing cut out in front and then
wide Chantilly or other lace put on full
from the shoulder to the bust, and then
folded fat to the points CT the bodice,
making the edges of the lace meet at
the open part The collar can be of Jet
or gold pdsseD1enterie, or it may have rib
bon to correspond with bows, but it
must be high and finished with a tiny
black ruffie. or course every woman is
anxious TO look young as long as posi-
BILE, but few recognize the fact that there
is ar essential difference between what's
suitable for girlish, and for mature
beauty, and that to deck one in the
trappings of the other is homogeneous
and disastrous.
When women have reached the time
when their faces are fCrrowed with
wrinkles, and they feel their age, then
they can exemplify the Chinese adage,
OOdG WOuldH lltc II IL COIOlHuGO Iorl1 Oh
obedience; in childhood she obeys her
parents, on marrying she obeys her hus-
band, and when old she obeys her chill
dren. Our daughters. If we have
brought them up properly, will see that
the dear, white-ha red mother has the
finest and softest Henriettas for winter
wear, the prettieSt China silk and crepe
for summer, and plenty of breakfast
and dress caps-Chautauquan.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
FACTS ABOUT TORNADOEs.
The Months of the Year in Which They
Most frequently Occur.


The tornado, with hardly an eXcep-
ton, occurs in the afternoon, just after
the hottest part of the day The time
Of greatest frequency is from $3.50 TO
five o'clock The tornado season in
cludes March, April, May, June. July,
August and September. but storms of
this nature may occur il any part of
the year The months Of greatest fire.
quencv, as determined from a record OF
POS years. are April. May, june and
July The single month Of greatest
frequency IS May, April following next
in order. The State in which the great
est number OF tornadoes has occurred is
Missouri, followed next in order by
Kansas and Georgia. a record of
more than five hundred tornadoeS and
''Win3fallS' Il. G., paths of tornadoes
through f0TeSJs) in Wisconsin, cOnsid-
erably exceeds the number from any
other State, but little weight can be
given this comparison, owing 10 the
want of thorough Investigation of the
subject Of w4n1falls IN other States.
From a careful investigation of the
origin of tornadoes and their geOgraph-
zeal G.Str button there Is every reasca
to believe that these storms we're as
frequent and violent two hundred years
ago as now Moreover. there appears
to be no cause Tor any unusual change
in the annual frequency OF tornadoes
for q like period to come
When trying 20 escape from a lorna
do never run TO the northeast, east or
southeast Never take refuge in for
est or a grove OF trees or near any object
that may be overturned by the wind.
A frame building is safer than one
built Of brick or stone. The former is
more elastic and holds together longer;
the latter goes down in the first crash,
and the debris is wh.rled into a heap in
the center of the foundation. In q
frame structure the cellar is the safest
place. but in a brick or stone building
it is the most UerilOus. In the former
case the debris is carried away from the
fOundat on, while in the latter instance
the cellar is flied with it The tornado
cave offers absolute security 70 life and
limb, ard no means Of protection can re-
place it for that purpose. As regards pro-
bCNS-Oi w J4O t'CA ~, ~ bhaiuAIA9 Noh no
made sufficiently large, strong, high or
low TO resist the force Of the tOrnado's
vortex. There 5 10 changing the path
Of the tornado by the employment of
explosives, or by any artificial barrier.
To contemplate the dispersion of cloud
by the use OF any electrical continuance
is also idle All build ngs should be
constructed as would be done without
the knowledge OF the tornado, and then
protected by legitimate insurance
Protection must be accomplished by or
ganizcd capital, the safety Of one being
assured by the legitimate and success
full cooperation of many. The writer
strongly advocated this method of pro-
lection during his tornado investiga-
tons in the West II 1879. and now sew
eral million dollars worth Of property
are thus insured every year.-FOrum.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
PROFESSIONAL PACKERS.
a Partisan Indus;Sy That Ought to BE l
f-ndrepH .Iara

a Partisan Indus;Sy That Ought to BE In
troduced Here.
In Paris, that great city where all
ones needs and caprices are catered to-
there are professions for women entirely
unknown in this country. And one is
the professional packer. When you
think of going away is not one OF your
signs as TO how you shall get al your
belongings in your trunks? When YOU
reach your Gestinat On don't YOU find
them creased, mussed, and, if possible,
what tiny woman near me calls 'in
smithereens' Well. the packer comes
in, you tell her what you want to take
away. and then let her do her work.
Skirts are slillfully folded, bodices
have sheets OF tissue paper laid between
them, and the sleeves are stuffed to
shape W tn it; slippers have their toes
filled with raw cotton so they do not
reach their destination iGttened out;
and hats and bonnetS rave tapes at
tached To them SO that they may be
pinned 10 the box or tray and will not
move until you are ready 20 lift them
out This is work for which a busy
or rich woman viii pay well, and
woman who becomes an expert at it
can, in the going-away time, make that
mysterious amount known a. "a tidy
little SUN" very easily. The packer
comes to the house, takes off her bodice
and assumes a loose jacket, and then
she is ready for her work. Who among
the many who are asking for something
for woman TO do will start in this pro-
fession? 1t is a work easily learned and
offers variety that must appeal to
every woman. Neither IS it irksome,
hence a profession which offers more
than the usual advantages for woman's
skilL-Ladies' Home Journal
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
A Nice Iaborious Vacation

Doctor-So you're ali run down! Feel
generally debilitated; can't sleep, have
no appetite; fever fushes, headaches,
and dizziness. l see. It's not case for
medicine
Patient (frightened)-Wk is it case
for then?
Doctor-For rest
Patient-But I've just been on my va
cation!
Doctor-You needn't tell me that
Two weeks active employment will rest
you and make you all right Nothing
like getting back to work after labor
ious vacation. Transcript.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
The Editors Advice.

Young Humorist Ito the editor)-Have
you looked over the comic sketches
left with you?
Editor-I have.
Young Humorist--They amt so good
as / might do if hadn't so many othes
irons in the fire.
Editor (handing back the manuscript
Here they are and advise you
Young humorist-What?
Editor-Put them with the other irons
Texas Siftings
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
New way of Draining Soil.


The planting Of eucalyptus trees for
the purpose of draining the soil in ma
larial districts is one which has met with
some success. The Trefontane convent
at Rome had become positively unin-
habitable, owing to the malaria which
attacked-in many instances with fatal
results-its inmates Senator Torelli
presented bill proposing that the es-
tate annexed to the convent should be
planted with eucalyptus as an expert
ment against malaria The bill was
passed and the Trappist monks planted
thousands of eucalyptus plants of all
species on the estate. But still the ma
laria ragged, and several monks suffered
severely. 1t was however, remarked
that it was only the monks who had
their cells looking on the central clois-
ter who fell victims to the malaria.
This suggested the .dea of planting four
eucalyptus trees at the four corners Of
the clOister The plants, sheltered
from the winds, soon grew TO a great
height The immediate result was the
complete draining of the soil in the
clOister and the disappearance of ma
larial fever from the convent-Chicago
Herald
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
british Assisted Imm;prant-se

British Assisted lmmigrant-"Beg
pardon, sir, but couldn't you 'elp poor
Teller as has just come hover from Lun-
non, sir" Howell Gibbon (who has
spent years income there in two
months)-''Devilish expensive place.
London; don't wonder you left it 1
went broke there myself this season. ~
Puck.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03

nRLE Dues PERIODICAL PILLS, FROM
~ France, act only upon generative organs and
POSITIVELY cure suppression OF the menses nIon
whatever cause) and periodical troubles peculg
to women. A safe. reIianlc remedy. warrentae
to promote menstrutatfon. Should not be use
during pregnancy. The large proportion OF illness
to which ladies are liable Is the direct result of
disordersd or irregular menstrustion. Precs, 81
or three for s. American pill Company, Royalty
Supplied with the genuine pill only By OTIS W
miIl, JIi Sass fniSi 't Ssttiis, saOls-, Al
- a-ld&vl-
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
FACT AND COMMENT.

FACT AND COMMENT.
-UDless there was SINE fun in it
school children have never been
truants.
The attorneys at St. Louis in the
trial of the Vail case act as amateurs
before squire. They quarrel.
-Chamfort used to say: 1.-THE
most utterly lost of all days is that on
which you have not once laughed"
There is Que thing to be said of
Senator Quay's defense: He was in
10 unseemly hsste in making it.
AT the recent G.. a. r. meeting,
Hannibal Hamlin, who is 81 years
old, made The best speech of the &C.
casion.
Henry NJ. Stanley is credited
with suggesting to Sir Edwin Arnold
the brilliant idea of 1.-The Light of the
World"
Someone says: ga farmer is one
who works the farm and an agricultur-
list is one who works the farmer"
Texas has managed its financial
affairs admirably. After paying all
debts the state will have in the treas
ury s772,S3
Any business well followed may
become irksome. Stanley says lectur-
ing is more tiresome business than ex.
ploriDg Africa.
Senator PETER is going to keep
in touch with his people if it be posi-
BILE. He will soon make a lecturing
tour of the state.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03

-sStewed Onions First, select young
onions and put them into boiling water
and stew them fifteen minutes; drain off
the water and pour a cup of cold milk
over the onions. Let them stew in this
until tender; season 10 taste and thicken
the milk with tablespoonful of butter
rolled in one of flour. then cook FIVE
minutes longer.-N. Y. Observer.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-03-03
HE WASN'T TO BLAME.
The Big Man Showed GA and So the Little
One had TO Whip Him.

One Had To whip Him.
At Fargo we got news Of an accident
on the line beyond, and the train had
TO wait there FOR two hours Every
body got out 10 stroll around. and there
were d good many people a. the depot
! to loOi, the passengers over. Among
these We had our attention attracted 10
! big man VINO had on buffalo over
. coat, woIf-sk CAP, and from tho
collar OF the cOitdanr.ed seven o. eight
claws which had once assisted griZZ.y
bears % ser tch their way through lie.
lie had long hair, Wild eye, bGcksS:n
leg-ins. aud was evidently n mighty
Nimrod, if NOT Western terror. lie
was wa, king mp and down the platform
10 show himself OF when an understood.
Misunderstanding passenger on our
train. who had been dubbed ''Godfrey's
Cordial" ever since We left On cago APP
preached him and asked:
"MiStah man. ith that overcoat fer
thale?'
NO, sir was the thundarous re-
Spouse. as the wcarer OF it turned on
the question"r.
oh: excuthe me. thee you have
thome claws there. Did they belong to
4 cat?"
Cat. Cat Did you ever see cat
with such claws?''
NO. thir: and that's the reason I
asked you. Ith that cap made OF lamb
skim"
'La,nbskin. What are you driving
at?"
My deah sir, / ncvah drive. It's
against my principles. l am thimply
theeking solid facts. Why doa't you
have your hair cut and put on thome
WOODEN pantaloOns? / should think
you would catch cold"
Look herc"' groWied the big man as
he came to halt Il want you 10 go
away"
''Do make you tired?
"You do
81 am tho thorryr'
"Now, you clear out, or III get mad
Real made"
"You hear meI'
al should so IKE to buy one of those
claws. I'll give you two shillings
for
"If you don't clear out I'll slice an ear
off,
"Would you really slice ~ ear otf?"
innocenjlr a-lsed Cordial.
Il WOE and will
(Which ear9"
Both OF 'ein. yCu 'nfr-ra, fcoi,"
'Thav," said CCr3ia.. after locking
him over. - don't lze thc way you talk
tn nix YOU ought 10 apologize"
Apologies! Why. YOU -rasshopper,
I've good mind to mold you up by the
hair"
Don't you try it,
but ! will"'
And he did, but he ha- scarcely
reached OF when Cordial wa all chain
lightning and FISH bones and pounded
glass He jumped in with MS left on
the big mans nose, took him on the
mouth W. TIA his right Is lie fell, and the
buffalo overcoat had 10 sooner hit the
platform than the little man vas swarm
ing all over it. with bo;n fists working
like piston rods.
In one minute the big man was licked,
and then be was led of one way while
we took Cord al the other. Idon't know
what old bears Claws had to say, but as
we got the little fellow into the coach
be retied the bow at mis- collar, busted
his shoes with his handkerch ,ef, and
explained.
"Wath / to blame? When thaw
those claws wasn't il natural that
should wonder where the cat wath? And
never thaw a wolf nor a buffalo in my
tfe-in my whole life.''-N. \. sun.
The state herald., 1891-08-14
The m..nln. Of free coinage.

The National Stocitmnn aud Farmer.
having been frequently nskcd 10 define
"frcc coinage Of silver" wrote 10 the
Treasury department at Washington
nnd got this definition from the dircc.
Tor of the mint, "rhc term free and
unlimltc | coinage Of silver means the
comforting Of the right upon individuals
Ia take silver ~ nny Hind Ia the mln,S
and have every 31l l-i pure grains of II
stamped. free Of charge, into dollar.
which dollar ia full legal tender for its
face value In the payments OF debts
and obligations oi NIL kinds In the
United States In other words, an
ounce Of silver tisO Rralns) which cnn
he bought In the open market for ~
cents. IN Ia pass. under the kind of free
coinage now proposed, for i2p cents
A spcculntor who paid sps for 100
ounces would get Of the treasury sisn
IN national currency, making sJi by
the trnnsnction. Or. 10 put " differ.
emily. with the silver Mt ps cents per
ounce hc could ret 100 silver dollnrs,
or silver certificates for silver
bullion costing him s7s.7p. The aver.
age cost of producing silver per ounce
Ia the United States Ia 1880 was bi.i
cents per ounce. In Montana the
average cost wns i5.l cents per ounce
The urnDitc Mountain mine IN &. 3
state. according 30 the official state
inent ~ the ',ranlt" Mountain company
TO the directors Of the mint In 1850 pro.
duecd .,Dsi,7i, ounces Of silver nj n
cost OF ~ ~ cents per ounce, In
Mexico the cost Ia ~ as cents, South
America, ~ i.s cents, In Australia, ut
the broken mn mine, 10 cents. Very
large quantities OF silver nre produced
NJ these figures,
The state herald., 1891-08-14
WHO ARE THE HAPPlEsrf
One Authority Says People who.. Live
Are Devoted to Science.

One Authority Says People who.. Lives
Are Devoted To Science.
The earl OF Derby answered this
question recently in an address to tho
Scientific and archaeological School OF
Liverpool. an institution Of which he
was one Of tho founders. He said:
Having known men Of many pro-
fcssions, should say that the happiest
lives ure those which have boon de-
voted to science. EvbrS step is inter
csting, and the success Of those who
do succeed is lasting.
What general, what orator, what
statesman, what man Of letters can
hope to leave memory like that Of
Darwin? An invalid in health. n man
who seldom stirred from home, n man
until his later years very little known
to the outer world but who from his
quiet study rcvolutionizcd the thought
long as Newton and Bacon
III fame Is worth working for-I do
hot say 1, is-that kind Of fame Is sure
Is the most durable aud the most de-
sirable of all. "
These words are true of the dlsintcr-
cs,cd men of science. We have never
had In this country men more uniform
ly cheerful and good-tcmporcd than
Franklin. Rittcnhousc and jefferson.
who spent most df tho leisure OF their
lives IN tho pursuit ~ knowledge; and
Professor Agassiz was noted for the
buoyancy OF his spirits in every COM
pany where he felt at home. But We
tan say something similar OF avery
person who has n pursuit suited 10 his
talents and circumstances.
The happy people ARE they who have
an occupation which they love, apart
from any advantage II may bring them.
one that they can pursue with gcncr-
Gus ardor. II Is the element Of disin-
tercs,edness that cheers their lives
whether they IRE engaged in ordinary
or extraordinary vocatlons; and this Il
the reason why earnest students have
such keen enjoyment OF existence.
The state herald., 1891-08-14
THE EMPTY CRADLE.
TIL. Woman Sat Hoosing II aud IN.
liaby Wa. safe.

The Woman sat Rooain. II aud IN.
liaby Wa. safe.
|, was woman's voice grooming
swcetly the old lullaby
Hush my -dcar.lio- stu. and -slumbor,"
And as she sung she rocked nm
empty cradle with her foot. keeping
time with iis melancholy refrain. From
the nesting of the blankets II looked
us II tho baby had only Just been lifted
out.
A man passing heard the singing
and rctraocd his steps 50 that he could
look through th. open door into the
little plainly furnished room.
Excuse me- ma'um,.' he said re-
spcctiully, "but noticed tha, you
were rocking an empty cradle |
reckon you never heard Of the super
s,iiionn-.
Il am no, supcrsil,ious. said tho
woman
"lioly.anFcls- -guard.,h bed
Excuse me mn'nm. but folks told
my wife ,ha, II she didn't stop rocking
the cradle when tho baby wasn't In il
something would hnppcn--nn II did.
Tho baby died when he was n ycar
old!'
"My baby won't die. " answered the
mother ''hc's been an angel these
three months. nm when | feel 80 had
TIM, cant live another minute como
In here hnd make believe hos asleep.
!, does me good an mobile God lets
him know, md II comforts him. L.
that superstition"
NO, mn'nm. reckon not, nm
hopo you'll excuse the,
The mnn walked on bearing hi. own
burden Of sorrow with him. aud the
dcsolato mother rocked the empty
cradle and resumed her plnin,lyn
monodyi
"Iirayonly. .blcaslnva a.wiih1ut-numbor
Gently .iall,upon. thy.h"ad "
Detroit FREQ rrcs-.
The state herald., 1891-08-14
ESer,y one suffers

.EServ one snrtrs
from Catarrh in the Head. Those
who don't have it suffer from those
who Do; It's 4 disease you can't
keep to yourself
Here are some of tho symptoms !
Headache, obstruction of ndse, dis
charges falling into throat, some
times profuso, watcry, and acrid,
1T otfiers, thick, tenacious, mucous,
puruIent, bloody, putrid, and often
sive; eyes weak, ringing IN ears,
deafness Offensive breath; smell
and taste impaired, And general de-
biiity. But only a few Of these
likely to be Present at once.
The cure for it-fdr Catarrh it.
self, and all the troubles that some
from it--a perfect and permanent
cure, Is DIR. Sage's Gatarrh Remedy.
Tile worst cases yield to its mild,
soothing, cleansing md healing
properties. A record Of 90 years
has proved that to its proprlctors
and they're willing TO prove il
to you.
They do it in this way: II they
can't cure yoiif Cntarrh, no mat.ai
how bad your case, or OF how long
standing, they'll pay you $500 II
cash Gan you have better proof oI
the healing power Of mediclncp