Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-12-03
THE OLD PROFESSOR.
\ True and Funny story of Distinguish
ed mathematician.
Our Dumb Animals

The extent to which theory often fails in
practice is furnished by venerated pro-
fessor, a most distinguished mathematic-
ian, who's works are still used as text
books in many of our institutions, and
which occurred within the compass of our
own experience.
He went to Ret1e ell, Me-; on his return
he spent the Sabbath in Lewiston. Mon
day morning be was told the horse was
sick. Nevertheless he started. The horse
went few rods, fell down. and broke
both thills. He then sent his wife home,
and also sent to Brunswick for another
horse and carriage to take him and the
broken chaise home.
When the driver came they dashed the
two vehicles together ard started. Ali
went well till they came to the first long,
steep hill between Lewiston and Bruins
wick; on its summit they held a consuta
ton. The professor said:
Mr.. Chandler, it is too much for the
horse to hold these two carriages on this
steep descent; take the horse out; / will get
into the shafts"
Professor" replied Chandler, 1.-The
preaching is strong
"But the horse. Mr. Chandler, it is too
much fer the horse. Besides, | know how
to take advantage of the descent, aud
m mage it much better than the horse"
eff the horse can't hold it you surely
can't.
"Do you, sir, intend to place me, in
point of intelligence and knowledge of
mathematical forces, below a horse? |
have made mathematics the stud a
lifetime.
Il have no intention OF being disrespect-
full, sir; but l know that a horse under
stands his own business, which is hand
ling load on a hill. | was sent up here
by my employer to take care of his prop
erty, and if you prefer to be horse your
self cannot be responsible"
81" replied the professor, will assume
all responsibility.
The driver, nothing loath to witness the
operation, took out the horse and held
him by the bride; and the professor get
ting into the shafts, took hold of them at
the ends The forward carriage was Just
descending the hill and the hinder one a
little over the summit, when the professor
trod on rolling stone, which caused him
to plunge forward, and increase his veIoc,
ity so much that he was forced to walk
faster and exchange the slanting position
with his shoulders thrown we'll back and
his feet brace5-which he had first adopt
ed, for perpendicular one. Soon he was
pushed into run, the carriages going at
a fearful rate.
At the bottom of the hill was a brook
on each side PERCEPTIONS banks The pro
lessor was between Scylla and Charybdis,
going six feet at leap In order to cramp
the forward wheel, he turned suddenly to
the right. The shafts of the forward car
rage went two feet into the bank. break
ing both of them short off; the lashing of
the hinder one slipped, and it ran into
the forward one, breaking the fender.
and both vehicles turned over at the bot
tom of the hill with tremendous crash,
the learned gentleman described para
bolia-one of mis- favorite fguges-and
landed two rods away. He rose from the
earth, his knees skinned, pants torn, a
piece of skin knocked off his forehead
and his best hat fat as pancake under
meath the hind carriage; and, looking
around, said
SIS it possible l could have been SO
much deceived as to the momentum"