Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-01-22


Weekly.
MIR. AND MRS. b.
Winkle-Ehl How is this, Binkle
I've heard you say many time that every
man should be master in his own house;
but-ha ha old boy, you don't seem
to be master here.
Binkle (sheepishly)-This is my wife's
house. New York Weekly.
RESPONSIVE AUDIENCE.
Rawley--Why, Curtin, how is it you
were not first-nighter at your own
play2
Curtin-I was too nervous. Are you
just from the theater?
Rawley-Yes.
Curtin-Did my pathetic scenes bring
any tearsl
Rawley--Yes; the people in the house
laughed till they cried.-[ Munsey's
Weekly.
DIDN'T FOLLOW THE PRESCRIPTION.
DR.. Pillsbury-Well, Mr.. Sceptic, did
you follow my prescriptions
Sceptic-No; if had would have
broken my neck.
DR.. Pillsbury - Why, what do you
mean
Sceptic--I threw the prescriptions out
the window Chicago America.
HARD TO FIND.
First Astronomer-Is there any men,
ton of comets in the Mckinley bill
Second Astronomer don't know.
Why?
First Astronomer-The seem to be un-
usually scarce and high New York
Weekly.
THE GIRL WHO sNUaGLEs.
She-Gcorge, you are bundle of in
consistencies!
George Why, what do you mean!
What have l done?
She-All last summer at the beach you
gave me nothing but gas; now you be.
come economical and want it turned
down : New York Herald.
LOOKING FORWARD.
Tommy is very hard on shoes and
trousers. His mother understands this,
and governs herself accordingly when
she goes shopping.
One day, while out with another lady,
she was buying cloth for pair of panta-
looms for Tommy, and ordered good
deal more than seemed necessary.
"Why do you get so much2" asked
h er friend.
"Oh," was the reply, "this is for re-
served seats !"--[ Youths Companion.
HIS NEIGHBoRs.
Victim-See here, sir! When you sold
me those lots you said they were in good
neighborhood, and l find they are sur
rounded by livery barns.
Real Estate Dealer-Certainly 1t is
the best neigh borhood know of.
| NOT WHAT WAS EXPECTED.
"Well, Kenniboy, whom do you lovc?'
asked X snniboy's father.
After moment of deep thought the
'Kenniboy," he said. Harper's
Young People.
THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE PLACE.
Will Putough-- Cutaway, who is that
nice clerical looking old gentleman thai
called around yesterday with statement
of my accountl
Cutaway (thc tailor)-That is Profes-
sor Mustee, the famous collector of an
tiquities. l have just engaged him.
Puck.
IT WEIGHED ON HIS MIND.
Mrs. Magnus Scott-If 1 tell my hus
band to perform some unusual errand i
worries him so much that he can't get i
!, out of his head.
: Mrs. Billsdoo-I have noticed the samt
thing in my husband. Only yesterday
ordered load of wood, and during hi
sleep last night he frequently exclaimed
Lets have another dollars worth O
chips. y American Stationer.
HAD GRADUATED.
rabapple-Don't you believe, Mis-.
Swcete, that | could teach you to low,
me?
Miss weetc--Possibly but as l have
made my debut it is rather late to g(
back to tutor.
THE GIRL ON HORSEBACK.
Bessie Ito horse dealer)--I thought you
told me that that saddle horse bought
would take in the bit without the slight
est trouble2
Dealer-Well. doesn't he2
Bessie-No, he doesn't he held the
bride right up to his nose, and clucked
several times; but the ugly thing never