The Iola register., 1891-10-30
GOOD STORIES 70 TELL.
The Best OF the Press. Grave, Gay, and
Epigramatic. from the "Argonaut."

tt happened once that a faithful
Moslem married, but. when he saw his
wife, she proved TO be very unprepos-
sessing. Some days after the mar
riage his wife said to him: "My dove,
as you have many relatives, I wish
you would let me know before whom
may unveil." My gazelle," he re-
piled, IF thou wilt only hide thy face
from me 1 care not to whom thou
showest it."
( 1t is told of a lady of the house of
Stuart that her coachman stopped his
horses one night, and excused himself
by saying that he was looking ut fall
ing star. AN what haze We to do WI
the stars, / wad like to kemp" said his
mistress. Drive on this moment, sir,
and be id to you," adding in lower
tone, as was her wont. 'tas Sir John
wad ba' said. if he had been alive,
honest man."
| A man who was preparing a series
of recipes for cookbook engaged the
services of celebrated chef as critic
and reviser of his work. One day he
submitted TO the chef a recipe for
lemon-pie which ended with the direc-
ton. Then sit on the stove and stir
constantly" The chef twirled his
thumbs and said: at strikes me that's
rather useless direction. for if you
sit on stove you're bound to stir
, constantly"
! At meeting Of the Woman's Press
club in Washington last winter a very
important topic came up for discus
sion. Every member was interested
in it. When Miss Helen Waterson
rose. silence aud expectation settled
upon the assembly. She put the whole
matter right in few clear crisp,
logical remarks. As Miss Waterson
took her seat again there came still,
small voice from the admiring group
behind her. II was intended for a
whisper, but it penetrated every nook
aud corner of the room. 1t said:
Helen, who made that dress you have
onP"
, Dante Rossetti used to tell story
of Tennysoh, with whom he was walk
ing, one sultry summer night, through
High Holborn. They passed build
ing brilliantly lighted up aud from
which Issued the sounds of JOYOUS
music. what is that place?" asked
the bard. at is called replied Ros-
setti, 'the Holborn Casino" Il
should like to look in," pursued the
7 bard. "only should be at once sur
rounded by crew of groundlings who
would mob and poster and jostle me-"
My dear SIR" quietly remarked
Dante, IF you were TO get on one of
the tables, announce your name. and
recite three of your poetic master
pieces into the bargain, probably not 2
per cent of the audience would have
the slightest idea of who you arer'
At one of Napoleon's reviews an old
grenadier who had made the campaigns
of Italy and Egypt. not hearing his
name pronounced. left the ranks and
asked for the Legion of Honor. What
have you DONE" said Napoleon, ITO
obtain this recompense?" ut was /,
sire. who, in the desert of Jaffa. in a
| dreadful heat, offered you water
melon" Il thank you again for it.
but that is not worth the Legion of
Honor" The grenadier, who, so far,
had been as cold as ice. flew into a
paroxysm. and said with great volubil-
ity: DO you count for nothing seven
wounds received at the bridge of
Arcola. at Lodi, at Castiglione, at the
Pyramids. at Saint Jean dare, at
Austerlitz at Friedland-eleven cam
paigns in Italy. in Egypt. in Austria, in
Prussia, in PolandP" Here the En-
porer interrupted him and. Initiating
his viyacious language. said: well,
well, well! how you scream! Now you
come to essential points; you end where
you ought to have begun; this is better
than your watermelon"