Telegram-herald., 1891-08-17
TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.

ue bought Slow Drying varnish for Hia
Gentle Spouse.
II is perfectly right and proper to
crafty every reasonable wish of ones
wife, and that Is the reason l got into a
peck or two Of trouble short time since.
When my wife arose from tho break
fast table recently she turned to me with
question:
my dear. can't you send down . cup
Of varnish and q brush from the store
this morn;ng7"
Nothing easier, replied; "but what
ON earth do you want with varnish?'
II want to varnish my sewing ma
chine; it is looking awful rusty"
did not know there were two kinds
Of vsrnish-a quick drying and slow
drying-so i simply ordered varnish
and a brush. They would be sent imme-
diately.
went on to the Office.
took dinner ut a down town restau-
rant, and the varnish and brush had not
entered my mind during the whole day.
Just as I entered the gate in the even
ing thought OF them.
It was good dark" bat the hall lamp
had not been lighted.
And think that was part Of the plot.
Iopened the door hurriedly and started
in a brisk walk down the hall.
I had hardly taken step when
rammed my knee against chair. An
other step-another chair! Both shins
skinned and in the dark! took another
step and my foot landed squarely upon
the baby's little rocker. which proceeded
to turn bottom upward, causing me to
lose my equilibrium, and went sprawl
ing to the floor, striking two or three
more chairs in the meantime.
II made terrible racket, and my wife
inquired:
What's the matter, dear7"
ooh, nothing. Just swinging corners
out here with chairs and things" an
swered as ck,mly as possible.
/ scrambled to my feet and started
again, when I struck that blasted ma
chine, varnish and all, which landed me
This time smack into the baby carriage.
breaking tbs springs and very nearly
breaking my neck.
''Did you hurt yourself, dear" came
that voice rgain, which had the effect Of
making me feel like choking the life out
Of something or somebody.
"Did l hurt myself, you ask7 Oh, no,
not much" said I, ''only broke leg and
arm and punched one eye out-that's
all"
why don't you come in7- she in
quired in n tone of voice that was re-
markahle for its calmness under the cir
cumssances.
Come mr. screamed, "how in the
nsmc Of sweet Solomon can I? Haven't
been trying for the last ten minutes to
come in. and don't run n great risk Of
losing my life every time try it, Why
In The name Of ell the saints didn't you
tell me this morning you were going 70
move on. inso the hall. 50 could have
governed myself accordingly"
Then she came to the door with q
lamp. and I succ -sded in getting myself
untsn Siei from Tat baby carriage,
which presented the appearance OF hav-
ing been kicked BY Georgia mule.
| stepped into my room with a weary.
bruised feeling. and laid my hand on the
back of . big rocker.
"Don's touch thas--it is varnishedi-
$50 discover said I, as pulled my
fingers from IL.
went over TO another chair, snd was
preparing 70 SIC down.
Don't SIT there lit IL vsrnishe1-
nsde dive for another chair, and
vse stoppei--varnished
TIE clock was tickiag very lazily. and
/ knew il wanted winding. When en-
dssvored 70 taks my hands from II. II
came with thsm. Ny fingers had again
strck-in varnishi
Vas hecornins desperate.
Ne Eexs move was 70 try q t-unk-I
daf.d not risk any mere chairs | took
a stE before she could interfere. ,his
fis- and ruined new pair n breeches
by re oPeration-she trunk wss var.
niss~ii
Ta5s wss toa u1rch.
Nov, then. sssd I. sfter railing mr..
self loose from the trunk. "wili vcn