davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27

the legs upon the left side, while it had
no power over the limbs upon the other
side. The conjuncture Of the two
bodies seemed to have no effect upon
the mind or feelings of the other
While one slept the other was wide
awake. and vice versa. They seemed
unusually active and healthy. and at
the age Of six months seemed much the
same as other babies
Il will now jump from the double
human to the scmi-human or half man.
Ny agent discovered i'm Millageville.
Ca, young fellow about seventeen
years of age, who never knew what the
experience Of running about the streets
or yards was like. lie was bright. and
while practically uneducated had much
general intelligence Ills head and
body were OF the ordinary size and de-
velopmeat, but the trunk Of the body
was without any legs. Ills arms were
long and the muscles Of the forearm
were as hard as the muscles in the legs
Of an entire man. In going about from
place to place. the body would swing
between the arms, making most gro
tesquc sight to those unused to such
things. lie walked upon his hands,
lying them fat upon the ground and
could proceed at quite good pace
Evidently you have heard much OF
and seen many Sn. alln.1 nc C ifa1 ,,ar,,In
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
How to stop an Express.

Suburban Rcsidcnt-Sce here, sir!
fon told me that that country place
bought of you was only thirty-five min
utes from the city.
City Agcnt-Yes. sir, thirty-fve min
utes by express. You remember, when
we went out to look at ii the time was
thirty-five minutes exactly.
But. confound it, sir, the express
trains don't stop there, not one Of them,
and the accommodation takes about an
hour and half.''
"You and went by express. and it
stopped for us, You know"
"ics, know; but it hasn't stopped
since"
1T will stop II you hire a man at your
station to puy through ticket for
somewhere. That's the way did the
day we went out. food News.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27

thing was loolSin' so fresh and green
The blue yiolets were all in blossom
along the side Of the brook, and the
elderfiower and raspberry bushes just
comm into bloom.
THE old turkey didn't seem to mind
me: she would set there loolsin' round.
as if she was enjoyin' the pretty spring
weather as well as /.
We'll. | laid more plans what I
should do with my turkey money than
you hev about your chickens. ! thought
! should save one for Thanksgivin and
sell the rest: sometimes ! decided /
would get me set Of Undiscovered
dishes. like Mis- IIanson's-s was one
of our ncighbors-they was forehanded
folks. and Mrs. Hanson had nice things;
then agin would think would buy a
green bombazine gown and leghorn
bonnet, but about settled on the dishes,
and planned just what should hev for
supper. after | got 'em. and had Mrs.
Hanson and the minister's folks. and
Deacon Twombly and his wife come to
spend the afternoon.
Zone mornin' / took basket and
started for the pasture, thinkin' would
pick some cowslips for mess of green's,
and see how the old turkey was. cal
culated it was about time for her to
hatch.
when came in sight of the stump
could see something white lynn round
on the grass, and thought she had
Matched, but when got to the stump a
heap of white feathers and a lot of egg
shells was all there was left of my old
white turkey and her eggs"
20! grandma. wasn't it too bad?
What did yon think killed the poor tur-
key?"
''Your grandpa said it was a fox
/ just sat down there and cried, it was
such a disappointment.w when had been
plannin' SO on those turkeys. but it was
a good lesson to me. for after that when
hev been plannin' ahead and loolsin'
forrard to things I've thought of my old
white turkey. and remembered that
things are very uncertain. and advise
you, Emily. not to calculate too much
on that red dress. You may be disap-
pointed about it, as | was about my
blue Powered dishes. Portland III an
script.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
Love In the Home Life.

We ought not to fear to speak Of our
love at home. We should get all the
tenderness possible into the daily house
hold life. We should make the morn
ing good-bys as we part at the break
fast table kindly enough for final fare.
wells Many go out in the morning
who never come home at night; there
fore we should part. even for few
hours, with kind words, with
lingering pressure of the hand,
lest we may never look again into
each others eyes. Tenderness in the
home is not childish weakness; it is
one that should be INDUCED in and cul-
tlvated. for it will bring the sweetest
returns.-Farm and Eireside.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27

THE ossiFIED MAN. eight years ago
He was the third son of a poor, unedu.
Gated laborer. and has never spoken a
word in his life. Ills entire body is like
a piece Of wood lie seems to be IN
sensible to pain and is practically un-
able to move limb. When he is being
fed his mouth must first be propped
open while the food, previously
chopped very fine, is placed therein. 1t
is impossible to bend his arms or legs.
and us for the hardness Of the flesh. a
person could not stick pin in it even If
he so desired
'':he only muscles Boss seems to have
control of are the muscles of the eyes
1t is with these that he makes known
his wants. The attendant must keep
constantly near him as he has no voice,
and cannot attract attention in any
manner other than by moving his eye
lids His position is always the same,
i. e. standing erect with arms stretched
directly upwards, hands open and fin
gers widely apart. He seems to under
stand what is said to him. and the at
tendant declares he is kept constantly
talking when they are alone.
There are countless other wondrous
monstrosities. but wsre ! to enumerate
them or tell you of them it would be near
daybreak before should near the be-
ginning of the end. SO | will bid you
adieu for this evening"
WILL d. WEST.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
FOR GIRLS AND BOYS.
AN AMATEUR HEN,

A lad knew-now this is true,
So listen. little boy
Once had Il hen of black and white,
He loved and watched from morn till night.
hut had one pain With his delight.
One draw back to his joy.
His pride was such he wanted much
Some little chicks to pet,
But every coaxing, pleading word
Was wasted on this stubborn bird;
She seemed to think the thing absurd
And plainly would not set.
lie fastened then his hayward hon
Beneath an empty key:
He tied her on tie nest: but still
Her protest sounded, sharp and shrill
He could not force the biddy's WILL
Nor make Ter hatch AN egg.
Resolycd-he came, with cheeks afia.nc,
And from the closet shelf
His trousers bringing: Mamma he bcys,
"Piease sew some feat hers on the legs;
I'm going TO set on Specklcs eggs,
And hatch them out myself"
iva Loyett Carson, in Our Little Ones.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27


they absolutely refused. was passing
through the lower part of Georgia in
the spring Of so. had not met any
thing phenomenally curious and was
preparing to return to the north when
| was informed, one night, that
most wonderful being was living in the
country few miles distant. hastily
ordered light road buggy and, accom-
panied by my informcr, drove out to
the home of the being. Upon arriving
there found that the house was o:cu-
pied Ly densely-ignorant negro couple.
They were very suspicious of rue, and
when | asked to see their offspring
they refused outright. My informcr,
worthless old negro. intcrceded in my
behalf, and l was granted, after quite
siege, look at the little one.
MY imagination is vivid. and when
the darby told me "A thing was over
there, conjured up all sorts of things,
but my widest vagarics were nothing
compared to what | saw when | was
taken into small room and told to
look. | stepped to the rude bed and
drew down the coverlet and thought at
first a pct snake was lying there. but
as drew the cover lower down agreed
with my informer that it truly was "A
thing Upon small, ill-shaped Shout
ders was perfect snakes head. The
eyes stood out upon each side of a
small, fat head, the mouth was like
that of a large rattlesnake, and as put
my hand before it the mouth opened
and with hiss the forlscd tongue shot
out like a fash. There was neither
scales nor hair and, to person of SEN
timent, it might have seemed repulsivc.
The body and arms were like any
other very small baby's. but here further
likeness stopped. The thighs, legs and
feet were like those Of an eagle or other
aggressive bird. Long talons were upon
the extremities and the legs were COW
cred with small pin feathers
did not have time to make
any further examination, for the
solicitous parents seemed to fear
would steal it and covered up the pecul-
lar thing as quickly as possible. All Of
my offers were refused, and any infor-
nation beyond telling me it was three
months old was denied me.
six months later in Arkansas.
foend a mother with baby that bore
upon its little shoulders the furry head
of mouse. The teeth were long,
sharp and pointed, the ears were tiny
and the sense of hearing very acute.
The fur was perfectly white and very
short, although heavy enough to con-
ceal the skin. The joining of the neck
to the body was really wonderful. From
the small delicate neck there was a
graceful and gradual enlargement until
it extended to the beginning of the
shoulders. The body was perfectly
formed and was without blemish or
contortion. The mother was young
country girl of some lit learning, and
would not consent to any proposition !
made to allow me to exhibit the then
/ four-months-old mouse-babe.
I'm Minnesota short time ago we
came across little girl OF ten years
whose body was partially covered with
soft, black fur of about the same
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27

to put our hands on him. so thought
Id get somebody that had
Refused my name and address"
cried. in establishment.
Yes. and tried to square me when
John went for you; said he'd square all
three of us
The policeman. it seemed to me,
| rather frightened up at this sugges-
| ton.
What did you try to do that for?"
said the officer.
Il say didn't try to do it at ALL.
Didn't You say You had season
| ticket"
Certainly did, and / have it"
| well, then, why don't you show it?'
why don't they ask for it?"
| Here John broke in and said: Il
heard hiH ask you for it dozen times. ="
| "Oh, John, john" cried, '.how can
| You say such thing?"
| We'll" said the policeman. IF had
a season ticket / would show it, if
were YOU
Now, that" said to the officer, sis
the first sensible remark l have heard
this morning. never thought of that
way out of the trouble. What they
seemed to be anxious for was my name
and address. Don't you think that they
ought to have asked me for my ticket
if they wanted to see it. If you don't
see what you want ask for it, you
| know"
The officer looked at the ticket man
and the porter. The ticket man
shrugged his shoulders and said he
would like very much to see the season
ticket. didn't look like the sort OF
person who carried season tickets
''Oh, all right" l said. pulling out
my purse; there you are. 1t doesn't
look very much, but it costs good
deal"
The ticket man took it IN his hand
and examined it, turning it over and
over with a bewildered air of a man
who had been hit suddenly with club.
Now" | said to the officer, don't
you think that it's rather cheeky of
these people to prevent me from going
out, and to make the assertion to you
a respectable officer of the law, that |
had no season ticket, when you see
have? It's good for three months
longer yet. Here they drag you from
your manifold duties to arrest per-
fectly innocent man, and act in this
crazy way to patron of the line-a
tirst-class patron, too
The policeman shook his head dub.
iously and said he really couldn't I'M
derstand it.
WELL" | answered. 'syou are wit.
ness to their charge that l had no sea
son ticket. Now, say this matter is
not going to end here"
''Oh, we'll" said the policeman sooth-
ingly, II wouldn't be too hard if l
We're YOU
The matte. l repeated, ''cannot
end here. think that it's so early in
the morning these men are not rightly
awake yet, and l think they should be
Weakened up think that we had bet
ter have drinks all round as the morn
ing is very damp and disagreeable
What do you Think"
The policeman smiled, the ticket mar
looked relieved. and SO we ended il
that way.-Luke Sharp, in Detroit
| Free Press
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
The Engine OF Civilization.

Rural Editor-IIave you finished that
editorial on the recent mistakes of the
young German emperor
Assistant-ies. just got through.
did You write any article on the
Italian question:"
YES, got up a column Of good advice
TO the king of Italy"
Glad to hear it. Well send him
copy. What else did you write?'
a long editorial on national
finances"
food. That will fill tho page. Now
lets go out and see if we can borrow q
dollar."-N. Y. Weekly.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
Worked the Wrong Way.

The old thirteen superstition has
had damper put upon it by recent
occurrence at the Forrest home, rec
treat for infirm theatrical people in
this city. For several years the popu-
lation of the home has been just thir-
teen, ard as actors, Of all people, are
most superstitious, the management IA
short time ago decided to increase the
number to fourteen. This was done
despite the fact that during the entire
time in which the population had num-
bered thirteen not Il single death had
occurred. The new inmate was Nelson
Decker and just three days after the
unlucky number had been increased to
fourteen, death claimed Miss Dora
Shaw, IA star of by-gone days. In the
death of Miss Shaw the number is
again reduced to thirteen, and it is
probable, now that the rule has worked
with contrariety, that the number will
never again be considered an unlucky
one by the inmates of the Forrest
Observation-Disclosures RecML
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
ANIMAL INSTANCES.

Queer Doings Of Birds. CLAIMS. Reptiles
and Other Creatures.
The screech owl hunts all night.
This observation is confirmed by trap
pers. The barred owl hunts no later
than twilight. have no evidence that
the horned owl hunts or boots after ten
o'clock at night.
All owls with tufts are nocturnal.
Untufted owls are diurnaL
The great horned owl will carry
poultry for long distances. six times its
own weight.
Hawks migrate in enormous focks at
lofty and invisible attitudes. They
only settle for food. All of the migra.
tory hawks travel in focks together.
In flight their united cries can be heard
far above the limit of vision. They
come down in the spring and arise after
assembling in the fall. in form Of a
whirlwind. Their method of migration
is unparalleled among birds.
A restaurant in Chicago has some
thirty canarics which seem to sleep but
little. At night the electric lights are
burning until one o'clock a. m. During
the day, and at night by electric light
up to this hour. the birds sing con.
stantly.
The alligator originally was un.
doubtcdly accustomed to a cold climate
because in sub-tropical countries where
the thermometer averages seventy de.
grecs above zero during the winter
season. it hibcrnates in the mud.
CLANS travel on the bottom Of water
areas by suction through open shells
leaving visible trails of their journeys
in the form of creases in the sand.
Cattle on the plains have acquired a
method Of procuring water in dry
weather. They enter slough which has
apparently dried and stamp holes with
their hoofs into which water soon per.
colates. They then drink. some waiting
until the water has become clear.
WILLIAM HOSEA BALLoU.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27

frst-class, just as You say. ] would
rather buy a ticket than expose my
season ticket to the morning air." and
as / said this | edged cautiously away
from the man as if ready to bolt out of
the door.
He promptly placed himself between
me and the door and said sternly. drop
ping the polite If you please" II
want to see your season ticket"
''Oh, well.'' | said, jauntily, ut
doesn't matter after all. think shall
walk home. 1t is all right. | have
walked good many miles already. and
another mile more or less doesn't mat
ter Good morning"
The railway man called porter, who
ct once came to his assistance.
"Don't let this man leave the place, y
he said, ''until he gives his name and
address"
II don't see what you want with my
name and address" said, as mildly as
/ could. II have as many acquain-
tances already as ! know what to do
with. ! don't want to extend my call
ing list Let me out, if you please. ]
I'm going to walk"
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
A CHAT ABOUT FREAKS.
How Museum Managers Secure
Their Attractions.
The Snake Child Eagle Discovered In
Geo -gia-An Ischopagus Monster-The
Distilled Man--Otiler Remarkable
and Repuisiye MOnstr0sities.
ESPECIAL Correspondence

Especial Correspondence.
According to pessimists we dwcllcrs
dpon this mundane sphere are monstros-
tiles in one form o. another, but muse
um managers say with the optimist that
it is far more horrible to be a physical
monster than it is To be mental or
moral one, as the world seldom hears OF
the latter class of beings. while it is the
reverse with the former. for people like
to read of the wonderful. no matter ii
it is slightly horrifying.
In conversation with a museum
aren't who journeys about the world in
search of peculiar people and animals.
he spoke Of the most wonderful he has
met in his twenty years experience. lie
is an interesting speaker and can de-
lightfully entertain one with the stories
of his observations.
did you ever hear Of the snake-child-
eagle?" he asked me, and then contin.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
One More Position.

One day, in my school of little ones,
we had been having a conversation les
son about things we could sit in or on.
We had almost exhausted the list of OBJ.
had not been named, said, II can
think of something else we can sit in;
can any one else?" One little maid
raised her hand, and on my saying:
Yes, Alice?" meekly suiting the action
to the words, said, innocently: we
can sit in position. youths ComoAA.
ion.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
An EgotfSt.

A New York club man, not above the
average in brains, was visiting De-
troit girl recently, and when he went
away she was asking one Of her friends
about him.
II liked HIN well enough" she said,
"but he talked horse too much. Did you
notice that?"
''Well. no." was the hesitating reply,
mot exactly. lie talked donkey to me
mostly"
Il don't quite understand" she said,
puzzled somewhat.
why. he talked about himself
Detroit Free Press.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27

Ill over the west end OF l. ndOn until
was dead tired and ready to go to
sleep on any doorstep. | had put on
the oldest coat had and wore on my
head Misunderstanding SLOUGH cap.
Now, there is nothing which gives a
man such woe-begone. hangdog APP
pearance as an old ana bad SLOUGH cap.
had no collar on and my boots were
covered with the mud of various dirty
thoroughfares. A man may be meas
ured by his soul, as DIR. Watts held, but
up to date the outside world insists on
judging person mainly by his appear
ance. and my appearance was decided
" against me that morning.
came to railway station on the
line over which hold first cl ass sea-
SON ticket. and saw that it had been
Just opened and that the gateman was
yawning at having to get mp SO early
in the morning. SO | thought | would
take the first train home and go to bed
like reputable citizen. was evident
ly the first conner and as l passed the
man he held out his hand and said:
Ticket. please"
Il have a season." | answered sleep
lily, as that is my usual reply to such a
question.
Ii you are well dressed the ticket
puncher generally allows you to pass
when you mention the open sesame.
''season." Many swindlers have been
fined forty shillings and costs for say
Ing that cabalistic word when they had
nothing to back their statement.
IL will look a. your season ticket. if
you please" said the man politely.
Sleepy as was, this remark awoke
me to the fact that | was disreputa-
BILE looking citizen.
''Why do you want to see my season
ticket" said. 1T is very unusual to
ask for it,"
Perhaps" replied the man; '.never-
theless all tickets must be shown. sea
SON and Others
II have never been asked for my sea-
son ticket. and Aave travelled on this
line for months.
Twill look at your season ticket, if
you please"
"Yes. but tell me why. You surely
don't think that would try to cheat
the railway company. DO look like a
dishonest man.
The railway mans face was imper.
turbable, but there was an increasing
lirmness about the lips. lie waived
the question If my dishonesty by say,
ing nothing about it.
ticket. if you please"
II don't want to take it out on a
damp. foggv morning like this" said.
In tone of expostulation. 1T is a
nice, ornamental bit of white leather
beautifully stamped in gold, and it cost
q good deal OF money, and ! would
rather not expose it to the morning air.
If you don't mind.
The man said nothing, but looked a,
me fixedly and seriously. the line.
about his mouth getting firmer and
firmer
/ hesitated for moment and ther
said: ''Oh. well. it doesn't really mat
ter. see the booking office is open
Ill buy ticket"
81 beg your pardon" said the man
'.you will not buy ticket. If you have
aseason ticket you have right to g.
on the platform; if you have not
want your name and address,
''But the booking Office is OPEN"
protested.
Certainly it is open. | want to SCI
your season ticket, if YOU please
''Well, but if the booking office i
open and if it is for the purpose of sell
ing tickets, why do you object to m,
buying ticket? III buy red third
class or a blue second-class or a whit.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27

ucd W it bout
awaiting a re-
ply: Il hardly
think you have
for | never heard
of but one and
that one was
never exhibited.
nor ever written
up. 1t was the
most extraordi.
nary thing. for !
cannot call it hui
man, that | ever
behold. The par
cntS could not he
induced to allow
me to put it upon
exhibition, al
though | offered
to pay them any
price they would
name if il would
lla IN, raaSon l,,,f
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
Domestic Item.

Judge Peterby said to his colored
servant:
You will have to quit. You attend
to your work very well, but am al
ways missing things about the house,
and every time it is you that takes
them"
''Boss don't send me off on dat ac-
count. Hit mus be cumfurt ter yer
when yer missing anything to know
right whar it am. "-Texas Siftings.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
Not 4 Betting Man

Lady-My husband goes to the races
but he never bets.
Friend-Are you sure he does not bet:
Lady - Yes, indeed. I've looked
through his pockets often and never
found cent.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
MiacOnStrued.

She-sir, your company is bccomin.
distasteful to me.
He recruit of company G)-Ish do
SO, seh~cedness? Den will resign IN.
fon dot goombany rigid avay.-Judge
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
A Jealous Once,

Justice-Officer, why haze you ar.
rested this man?
Overwhelmingly for disorderly con
duct, your honor, but really because
have reason to believe that he is bank
president.-PucF
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-08-27
SOME HOPE FOK HIM

Soft Head-Do you think your sister
would marry me?
Boy guess 80. She told mother
she would rather marry anything than
be an old maid!-Once q Week.