Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-04-13
A Sermon.

With the teasings OF the daily life,
When the minister read his text.
s.Forget not all His Benefits"
And "A little flush of shame
As we heard the ring of the we-known words,
To someIof our faces came;
But we had thoughts and our to mix
With the preachers words, until
They worked their way to res less hearts,
And babe our doubts be still.
For what are the troubles to all the good
Which the loving Father sends?
And who reckon the blessings up
Ofhome, and love, and friends?
And which of US has not looked our fill
At the summers earth and skies?
And who has prayed to the God of heaven
And never had replies?
All! the years that are past grew strangely fair,
As glanced at them again;
And we saw how many Gods mercies are,
And how few our times of pain;
He who gave His beloved Son
Has given all else that is best;
And who unthankful and gloomy be,
Who has entered through faith into rest?
There'were songs of praise Tor our lips and hearts
As left the house of prayer,
And some of Us left our restlessness
And heaviest burdens there;
For we learned that the way to be truly glad,
In darkness or light, the
Is not to forget Gods benefits,
And eg er to bless His name.
1t is easy to gain great reputation for
truIhfulness by always speaking ill of
yourself.
1t is not IL good time to read the Bible
while your wife is out in the rain cutting
stove wood.
We all respect those who know more
than we do; but we don't wish them to
run our business.
Accounting trustees-Figures can't lie,
you know, sir. Disappointed beneficiary
No, but liars can figure.
All, my son, you do not know the an
guish of being cut by your best friend
till you begin to shave yourself.
Young doctor prescribed for my first
patient yesterday. Young lawyer-(anx-
iOusly)-Has he made his will yet?
The Illinois air ship made very sue
cessful trip from Mount Carmel to Chica-
go. 1t was carried on way freight.
''Who is that?" asked McCorkle, indi-
eating McCrackle's typewriter and sec
rotary. That is my recording angel"
She (piqued)-I don't know exactly
what to make of you, Mr.. Bland! He (ea-
ger to uggesD-Er-Why not try hus-
band?
She'll never marry a man whose for
tune has not at least five ciphers in it.
He (exultingly)-Oh, darling, mines all
ciphers.
Robby- What's an April fool, papa?
Mr.. Norris-An April fool is man who
takes off his winter underclothing on the
first warm day.
So she's going to lecture on how to
manage a husband, is she? How many
husbands has she had herself? Why, she's
never been married.
Young Wife John, mother says she
wants to be cremated. Young Husband
Tell her if she'll put on her things I'll
take her down this morning.
Learned men tell US that in Latin the
word editor means ''to eat" In the Unit
ed States ir means to scratch around like
blazes to get something 10 eat.
One day while Gertie was watching a
pet lamb which was quietly chewing it's
cud, she exclaimed, go grandma, see!
the little lamb is chewing gum!'
Garrulous Stranger Con train)-My
wife's name was Wood. What was yours!
Crusty old Bachelor guess mines name
was wouldn't l didn't get her.
You snored terribly in church Sunday
You set everybody talking" Eyes; L re-
sembIed Byron Il don't understand. -
81 woke and found myself famous"
Book Madam, have work of
art to show you. 1t is book. Lady of
the house-And 1 have work of art to
show you. 1t is a landscape. He went
out.
Anxious Mother-As l passed the par
lor door last evening l saw Mr.. Nicefel-
lows face very, very close to yours.
Lovely Daughter-Y-e-s, ma, he's SO near
sighted.
Chow is your friend doing out in He
lena, MONTH" "Oh. he's carrying every
thing before him. Good what bust
ness is he imp ''He's waiter in res
taurant."
Il thought you were going to have a
cupola on your house" Il have. !" ''Where
is it?" Sin the cellar. 1t looked so bad
on the roof took it off and made a coal
bin of it
There's hair in this soup, complained
the bald headed guest. Yes, sir, replied
the waiter, cheerfulIy, but perhaps its
one of your own, sir. 1 notice they have
all got away.
Drummer-Have you fire escape in
this hotel? Boniface-We have ten of
them. Drummer-Thought SO. The fire
all escaped from my room last night, and
l almost froze.
band as Mrs. Won Pickle has! So ten
der after ten years of marriage. Mr..
Longwedde Quite natural. 1t would
make rhionOceros tender to be kept in
hot water for ten years.
Dora-I showed my portrait TO the
Mayor yesterday, and he said that it didn't
hatter me. Bosom FrieId-Oh, but it
does, dear, and so did hel CThey are not
on speaking terms now.)
misunderstanding that tooth pulled
hurt pretty badly didn't it? Wife-No. 1
just thought of all the mean things you
had ever said to me, and it made me so
mad forgot all about the tooth.
She-Don't you feel a draft over there
near the window? He (taking the hint)-
L don't know but do. What would YOU
advise me to do, pull the blind down or
move over nearer to you? She-Both.
magazine writer says he has no fear
- he t.ly h.