Connecticut western news., 1891-05-20

exactly see why she should be compelled, at her advanced stage of life, to open a asylum for sooperanooated idiots.
 My wife is one of the best wimin on this continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as lamb, with mint sauce. No, not always.
 But to return to the war meeGn'. It was largely attended. The Editor of the Bugle arose and got up and said the fact could no longer be disguised that we were involved in a war. "Human gore, said he, lis fowin'. All able-bodied men should seize a musket and march to the tented field. I repeat it, sir, to tho tented field"
 A voice-"Why don't you go yourself, you old blow hard?"
 "I am identified, young man, with 2 Arkymedian leaver which moves the world" said the Editor, wiping his au- burn brow with his left coat tail: q al Jude, young man, to the press. Terms, two dollars year, invariably in advance. Job printing executed with neatnes and dispatch!' And with this brilliant bust of elekance the Editor introduced MT. J. Brutus Hinkins, who is sufferin from an attack of College in naberin' place. MT. Hinkins said Washington was not safe. Who can save our national capeetle?
 ''DAN SETCHELL," said. "He can do it afternoons. Let him plant his light and airy form onto the Long Bridge, make faces at the hireGn foe, and they'll all skedaddlel Old SErcH can do It."
 ''I call the Napoleon of Showmen," ;" said the Editor of the Bugle,-'I call that Napoleonic man, whose life is and whose giant mind lights up this warlike scene-I call him to order.''
 I will remark, in this connection, that the Editor of the B,4gle does my job printing.
 "You," said MT. Hinkins, "who live away from the busy haunts of men do not comprehend the magnitood of the crisis. The busy haunts of men is where people comprehend this crisis. We who live in the busy haunts of man, that is to say, we dwell, as it were, in the busy haunts of men,"
 "I really trust that the gent'l'man will not fail to say suthin' about the busy haunts of men before he sits down" said I.
 "I claim the right to express my senti- ments here," said MT. Hinkins, in a slightly indignant tone, "and I shall brook no interruption, if I am a Soft more.''
 "You couldn't be more soft, my young friend" observed, whereupon there was cries of "Order! orderr'
 "I regret can't mingle in this strife personally" said the young man.
 "You might inlist as a liberty pole, said in silvery whisper.
 "But," he added, "I have a voice, and that voice is for war; The young man then closed his speech with some strikin and original remarks in relation to the star-spangled banner. He was followed by the village minister, a very worthy man indeed, but whose sermons have 2 tendency to make people sleep pretty in. dustriously.
 "I am willin' to inlist for one, !" he said
 "Whats your weight, parsonp' asked.
 "A hundred and sixty pounds, he said
 "Well, you can inlist as 8 hundred and sixty pounds of morphine, your dooty bein' to stand in the hospitals arter bat. tie, and preach while the surgical opera tions is bein' perform.d! Think how much you'd save the Gov'ment in nor phine.'
 good speech, and the editor of the Bugll rose to read the resolutions, as follers: Resolued, That we view with anxiety the fact that there is now a war goin' on and
 Resolved, That we believe Stonewal Jackson sympathizes with the secession movement, and that we hope the nine months men
 At this point he was interrupted by thu sounds of silvery footsteps on the stairs and party of wimin, carryin' guns ani led by BETSY JANE, who brandish'd , loud and rattlin' umbre11er, burst int, the room.
 "Here," cried I, 'are some nine-month wimini"
 "Mrs. Ward," said the editor of tn, Bugle-"Mrs. WARD and ladies, what means this exr' r'ord'n demonstration
 It means," said that remarkable fe male, "that you men air ma6n fools O. yourselves. You are wilin' to talk ant urge others to go to the wars, but yo, don't go to the wars yourselves. Wa: meetin's is very nice in their way, bu they don't keep SToNEwAIL JAcKsol from comin' over to Maryland and help in himself to the fattest beef critters What we want is more cider and les talk"
 "Gentl'men," said I, s'that's my wife Go in, old gall" and I throw'd up m. ancient white hat in pereeck rapters. t'Is this roll book to be filled up witl the names of men wiminr' she cried "With men-with menr' and our quot, was made up that very night. A. WARD. A Marvellous City of tho Dead. A map by Padre Marchi shows tha