The Penn's Grove record., 1891-02-20

eh0pp1ngl.-SOWe uOuIilOn, waiter,
with plenty of bread, and an extra pat
Of butter. That's all.
Same girl lat luncheon, with
Charley).-S Some white-balt, waiter,
and chicken ~croquettes, and half q dox-
en- Blue Points on the shell, and-some
chocolate, and-and lemon ice, and
and-that's all at present.
THE CAUSE OF AN ARMIsrICE.-
Ella: "Why, father, I should think
you would be ashamed to wear that
great pair Of No. - boots with those
hugo nails"
Father significantly: 81 know, my
dear, but the red heifer died to-day and
I want to kick somebody"
Then Ella went into the house and
wrote walter not to call for . week.
LoTTA's SECRET OUT.-Omaha
man. Unlike most actresses, you do
not seem to have any petsp"
Little Lolita. Indeed I have. See
herel Isn't he cutep"
"a monkey How long have you
had thatf"
"Oh, I've had this monkey for years.
Watch him PERFORM"
"See here, Miss Lolita, did you train
that monkey or did the monkey train
your"
THEY GOULD READ Hrs TITLE
CLEAR.-She. What do you think
of Signor HandorganiP"
He. 81 am convinced that he is o
genuine italian nobleman,"
She. ~ am glad you think he Is no
impostor. But what gives you such
cOnfidenceP"
He. "When be asked to play last
night he felt all around the piano for
the crank"
A CHEsTNUT's NEW FALL SUIr.-
As an excursion train was about to
leave the station a gentleman rushed
up to the ticket window and demanded
tickets.
SHOW many, sirp"
"Three-for myself, my wife and my
mother-in-law."
1--WE sell no tickets for mothers.in-
law. This is a pleasure train"
Miss WAUKA SHAw.-"Ts Mr.. o.
Shaw any relative of yoursY" Miss
Saratoga Geyser-"Oh, yes, he's q dis
tant relative" Miss Wauka Shaw
SLOW distantP" Miss Saratoga Geyser
titles my brother, but he is the
youngest Of nine children and I'm the
eldest"
WHAT HE WISHED HE HADN'T
SAID.-He-"What q lovely fan you
have, Miss Edith"
she-"Yes. like It. My papa gave
It to me-. 1t came from Paris and is
hand painted"
He-"IndeedI And how nicely 1t
matches your c~omplexionl"
"MA," said Bobby, shave I been o
good boy ~to-daypn eyes, Bobby, and
am very proud Of YOU" well.
will you do me a favor, maj" "If it's
reasonable, Bobby. What Is itr"
"Let me 60 to bed tonight Wit out
saying my prayers"
"HELLo, Charley, what are you
doing; movingp" asked one young nan
of another whom he met with Q big
valise in his hand.
five just commenced my vacation"
"Your vacatiOn?n
"Yea Pm vacating at the request
of my landlady."
ELDERLY Female Ito g~rocer's clerkl
-"Giye me five pounds Of chicory and
burnt beans, please" Grocer's CLERK
1--WE haven't them mixed" Elderly
Female-"Well, 1 was told I could get
boarding-house coffee here; but, OF
course, II you don't keep 1t l can try q
more reliable house." And she swept
out grandly.
MISSED your train did you. Boxfyf
Hal Hal But you needn't wear such
q sinister look"
my friend, did you ever study tho
derivation Of that word sinisterp"
"Yes, 1t comes from the Latin, stnis-
trun. meaning left."
Exactly; and ii anybody ever had q
right to look sinister l have"
MAKING HIN BRAvE.-Mother
(anxiously)-l'm afraid you are giving
the baby too much sugar, James.
Father-Not at all, my dear. l
want him to be full Of grit.
DRIED FRUIT RoLL.-Take q small
loaf Of bread dough. when ready for
baking; roll it about half an inch In
thickness; spread with the fruit made
smooth and seasoned; commence at one
side and roll up, and. steam an hour;
leat with butter sauce.
AUrHoR.-I always test my sketches
by reading them to my wife.
Friend-Ah, yes, and you use those
che likes.
Authorize, those she'doesn't
Money invested IN choice one hundred DOL
lar building lots in suburbs OF Kansas CITY WI
pay from i've hundred to one thousand pei
cent. the next few years under our plan. "