The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1891-11-18
MIR. BOWSRR'S TROUBLES.
a Married Mans Trouble With Buck
les and Buttons, Holes in Socks
and POck ets-Thentre I'ickets.

les and Buttons, Holes in Socks
and Pockets-Theatre Tickets.
All husbands are "~streaky.' They will run
along all right for n week or two as good ms
pie. and then all OF a SUDDEN and with no valid
excuse they will break out in the most sur
house after lunch the other day he was in q
great good humor and stopped to say
Il think I'll stop and get tickets Tor the the
atre tonight ard we'll put In an enjoyable
evening"
When he returned Mt six he assembled the
steps with a Scuf! scutf! scuff! unlocked the
front door, give It. a kick and made his way
into the hack parlor to growl:
Mrs. Bowser, do you pretend TO run this
house on Il systcm?'
"Why, what Is wrong, dear?" she Queried
in reply.
~ left the Office when this o%vercoat button
came of. / laid this coat off the fifth Of last
May, and you've had five months to secure
hat button"
IB"t didn't know !, it was loose. Why
"Why haven't 1 told you ten thousand 9th.
er things that ought TO be done! There are
wives who glance at their husbands clothing
once or twice II year and discover what re-
pairs are needed. / want a darning needle
and a string"
"But III sew the button on"
NO; I'll do IL myself. l don't want to take
up your valuable time"
And despite Mrs. Bowser's entreaties and
prOtestations he threaded the needle with a
piece OF string aud; sat down and sewed on
The button hole, OF course, and OF course II
wouldn't have stayed five minutes in any
event, but he had carried his point. When he
mad laid the coat.asideh he asked
"Have we got n brad awl and q piece of wax.
ed end in the house ?"
~ don't think so. What do you want OF
hem?
ITO mend my suspender, Of course. ]
hadn't got Il hundred feet from the house this
noon when IL busted on me as usual. II
there's another house in the United States
run like this one I'D like TO hear of 1t and 20
and sit down on the doorstep for half an hour.
Perhaps / can repair 1t with a piece of clothes
line until / can get down town gain"
But you can't blame n e, Mr.. Bowser," she
"Oh, of course not; your are not to blame
ready to break ~
"That's ali right, Mrs. Bowser! I'll get a
piece of clothes liue or barbed wire and make
repairs and you needn't worry at all! There
are wives and wives"
Are We going to the theatre ?" she asked MS
he hogan pacing up and down the room with
his hands under HIS coat tails.
"What!' he shouted in u voice which jump.
ed the cat out of the room.
"Are we going TO the theatre 2"
'Theatre! Theatre! Have You gone crazy?
Mrs. Bowser, look-a-there, and then talk thea.
ire 10 me!'
He unlaced one of his shoes and kicked it
Off. and there, at the end Of his big toe, was a
hole about rs big as a nickel.
II was intending To 60 to the theatre" he
said as he stood and pointed at the hole" but
| can't get away this evening. / have got to
stay home and darn my socks. That hole
day"
"Mr. Bowser, those socks were bran new
yesterday morning when you put them on y
exclaimed Mrs. Bowser with a good deal of
energy.
"Oh, of course! l probably cut that hole
with the shears! / want a darning needle
have got 10 take care Of my clothes through
the rest of life | I might as well begin tonight
Mrs. Bowser protested, but he threaded a
darning needle with a piece of red string and
used up about eight or ten feet of 1t In darn
ing the hole. Heappeared to be good natured
and she ventured to ask:
Aren't we going TO The theatre tonight o.
"If we get through in time we may"
"Get through with whnt?"
"Mrs, Bowser:" he said as he removed his
coat and turned his back, look at the back OF
my vest ~
II see II, but what's wrong?'
Wrong! wrong! Is there a buckle there?
Put on your GLASSES and tell me If You can
lind Q buckle anywhere on the back OF my
vest"
mo. Idon't see one, but this is the first time
you have called my attention to It,"
Exactly. What was the use! THAI buckle
busted of three years ago last Thanksgiving
day, and yet you haven't noticed 1t! Is there
a spare buckle kicking around the cellar or
hanging up In the garnet? II not I suppose I
can heat the stove polerand bend 1t up TO an
swer?"
"You only got that vest three months ago,
Mr.. BOwser, and the tailor never put a buckle
on J" she exclaimed as she pulled ut the strap
And this coat, Mrs. Bowser,' he went on.
regardless of her protests, "feel In this pocket!
There's q hole there large enough to leta co.
coanut through I've known IL for years and
years and I've been waiting to see If you
would fix It. Have VIC got a piece of bed cord
and half u yard Of Old Brussels carpet lying
uronnd?"
why didn't YOU tell me about IT."
Tell you! Must a husband be eternally
telling his wife about these things? What's a
wife for? What are her duties? What should
a fond. true wife delight In? Button of1-hOlc
In my sock-no buckle on my vest-hole in
my pocket-two buttons loose on my vest
button holes all torn out in my shirt! Thea
tire! Not this evening, Mrs. Bowser! You can
go, but ! haven't time. After dinner I've gol
TO get the hammer. gas pinchers, saw file.
brace and drill, a package of rivets, screw
driver, gimlet and n lot of glue and see II
can repair some Of the damages and get my
self in shape TO go TO the Office Tomorrow.
You can go you'll probably enjoy the play
and have Il good time, but / shall be unnvoid-
ably detained at home-unavoidably detain.
ed, Mrs. B0wser!'