Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1891-10-14
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glorious country were not so attractive
as they are, great many young men
would never go to church.-Somerville
journal.
The line must be drawn somewhere,
Mr.. Woolly. If a man insists on
wearing a flannel shirt, he is lucky if
it isn't drawn around his neck
Puck.
1t is stated that our naval force at
Samoa "consists of one admiral, two
officers and five men," The Navy De-
partment should send on two more Of
ticers, SO that in case of mutiny the
forces will be equally divided
Life.
He knew.-Mr. Hibred-"What do
you suppose the bard referred to when
he wrote of the 'slippered pantaloonP" "
Mrs. lapdash--''Really, | have no
idea" 81 bet you l knowv "My
son you were not spoken to-
Truth.
Seasonable.-Wife-"Can you give
me some money, John, dear?" Hus-
band-"What do you want it for?"
W.-'I want TO buy new switch at
the hair store" HI see; you
want me to make a contribution TO the
fresh hair fund. Boston Courier.
Refreshing names Old Soaker--
"Can you recommend some beach
where l can go without striking mis-
cradle, dry, prohibitory desert!"
Friendly-"Let's see. Juniper, Rye
or Bar Harbor would seem to offer you
choice of evils. Lowell Citizen.
"See here, Mr.. Grocer" said Harv-
ford housewife, ''if you are going to
bring me any more goods | want them
to be of the very best" "We keep
none but the best" 81 presume so.
But you sell the worst in order to keep
the best. Hartford Post.
Would-be purchaser-s.These cigars
are much smaller than usual" Tobac-
conist -" eyes; you see, the cigar
manufacturer noticed that the last two
inches of the cigar are always thrown
away, so he makes them now that
much shorer. Boston Gazette.
A Moving Plaint-George-''Win
you" Alice-"Oh, George, this is
SO sudden" George-''Not bit of
it. That hairpin of yours has been
sticking into my shoulder for the last
twenty minutes, and | can't stand it
any longer. viii you please move a
little ?"-Lawrence American.
Twisted history-Sunday school
teacher-"And now, Johnny Hapgood,
it's your turn. What did his father
do when the prodigal son returned?"
Johnny (who can't help reading the
sporting editions of the daily press)-
"Please, sir, he jumped on his neck
and kissed him. Puck
Young Harduppe-''But don't you
think you could learn to love me2 Is
there no hope?" Ancient heiress-'I
am afraid not, Mr.. Harduppe. My
heart was lost when was but a young
girl" Mr.. Harduppe-"But you
oughtn't to count what happened be-
fore the war. ."-Terre Haute Express.
Reason Dethroned.-Judge-"Did
you ever notice any signs of insanity
in the deceasedT" Witness "a MEN,
Der of the Legislature)-"Wen, once,
when he was a member of the Legis-
lature, he introduced bill that wasn't
a particle of interest to anybody-ex-
cept taxpayers. New York Weekly.
"And L want to say, TO my hus-
band in an appropriate place." said
the widow in conclusion to Slab, the
gravestone man. ''Yessum," said
Slab. And the inscription went on:
"To my husband, in an appropriate
place. Chicago Liar.
Not Her Size.-Customer from Seed
ville-''Do you keep the best make of
shoes here?' City Dealer-''Yaas,
our shoes are all A No. l." Gus
toner from Seedville - "'Then you
can't suit me. 1 take B No. 5."-
Munsey's Weekly.
Miss Hortense (of Boston) Elm
deed, | can hardly look into the deep,
opalescent amethyst of the star-be-
spangled midnight sky without recall
ing Rosetti's thin, blue flames of souls
on their way to Heaven Then, too,
the soulfulness of inner mentality is
grand! Have you ever read .Sully's
Psychology?" Mr.. Charles (also of
Boston)-"No; but 1 think l shall,
first chance ] get, since he did up Kill
rain in such great hape!"-Light.