Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-10-21
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

much OF your pracIlce. -OWttHtOT6
american.
THE scamp who was treated to coat
of tar and feathers explained that be
had been engaged in target practice
Lo,ceU Courier. kssss
WA1TER-"What kind of soup will
yon have % BeeHthere-"Just plain"
Waiter-"What do you mean by that ?''
Neutrality-suspicious. any thumb IN
it."-BOston Courier.
STRANGER Ito Bridget, scrubbing the
front steps -"While you're on your
knees, Biddy, pray for me-" Bridget
ooh, Lord, make this fellow glntle-
mon H'-Harper's Bazar.
LIEUT.. STARBoARD, of the navy, max
ing late CALI notice the sea is go
ing out" "Miss Rocks, with a yawn-
eyes; | thought you followed the sea,
Lieutenant ?"-Y onkers Statesman.
He WAs-Maddox waking from a
asleep" Gazzam (who has been an
noyed by Maddox's snoring -"Y GU
were. | heard the sound. "-Harper'
Bazaar.
A LITTLE girl was trying to tell her
mother how beautiful certain lady
could trill in singing, and said: ooh,
mamma! You ought to hear her gar
gle She does it so sweetly. "-Er-
change.
GLOW is it your boss sweet wines
cost so much more than the sour ones %
asked gentleman Of the liquor dealers
boy. "Do you suppose the boss gets
his sugar for nothing?" was the incau-
tious reply.-Teras SJtings.
'WHERE is Chappie, who used to play
tennis with you ?'' Gle is not in oul
set any more" "Banished, Ell? What
was the crime?" "Why, he came to
that tennis court with twousahs on that
fitted him and were not turned up at the
bottoms, doncher know."-NeU York
Press.
REPARrEE AT TIE KITCHEN Door,
Get out O this, you nasty tramp, OF
ma'am. He'll never hatch nothin5
I'm bad egg."-New York Sur.
A COOP EXCUSE. Mother severely
"You let James kiss you last night.
Daughter (penitently )-"He pressed
me SO much l had to."-NeeC York Press.
BRowN-"It is said that God never
made two men alike" Mrs. Brown
"Of course he didn't, or you would never
hear of woman being married twice.
Life.
"YoU don't follow the hounds much
In this country, do you, Miss Hawkins %
asked Lord Noodley "No, we have
professional dog catchers," replied Miss
Hawkins.--Puck.
Mrs. BAcKLoT-"Yes my boys dom
we'll in Harvard He's studyin' for a
doctor now" Mrs. Nextdoor-"Dear
me! Can't the doctor do his own
studyin' ?''-Boston Post.
'Now," said the professor, 81 want
YOU to illustrate the difference between
music and noise" "1our own singing
and somebody's else," replied the pupil
Confidently Washington Star.
CARRIER is still in trouble. His law
now makes serious charges against
him." "I thought he won his case
80 he did, and that is what his lawyer
is charging him for. "-Lo1ceU Citizen.
JUST MISSED II. -Amy-''Why so sad,
Edith ?" Edith (rector's daughter)-
ooh, poor pa He never has any luck
They talked of trying him for heresy,
you know, and the church was getting
more and more crowded every Sunday.
Now it turns out it wasn't heresy at all
and here we are, poor as ever "-BOs-
ton Beacon.
CRoss-EYED Man Gn a crowd
you've got my umbrella, sirn' Four
teen Men simultaneously and some
what confused)-"Who? Me ?'-Chica-
go Tribune.
'IsN'T it rather cool in here ?" he
limited, the log fire having gone out.
eyes," she said, cit is. / think some
one of the theaters would be much
warmer. "-Harper's Bazaar.
GLOW came you to construct such a
lax divorce law ?' "Pardner," replied
the South Oak otan, "them that goes to
our state for divorces has to buy real es-
tate to acquire residence. India11dp-
oils Journal.
CUPID, the god of love, is represented
as being blind. This probably has re-
suited from his doing SO much business
with the lamp turned PhiIadelphio
Times.
81 FEEL constrained tie tell you, Fred,
that [ have been engaged before this, .
she whispered. Don't mention it,
he said, gently; ~ too have been
Tilted. "-Harper's Bazaar.
THE Old Hadley Landlord-"J Jimmy,
mother Tor tn Home Book of Ettiket-
ty.'" Jimmy-"W Watcher wanter find ?'
The Landlord-"That gent has jest
asked fer some conny-summay, an
want ter find whether it's bird, beast, i
jest napkin. "-Judge.
AN old lady from way-back regions
came to the city to do some trading .
AS she looked around the elegant store
with vague wonder dandy fioorwalke1
approached her. ''What can [ do fol-
you to-day, madam ?" Il wanter to &c
to the place where you sell dry goods.
cit is right here, madam. What kind
of dry goods do you want?" 'Dried
apples, mister" And for once a floor
walker was onplused.-Detroit Free
Press