Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-05-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A spring dish-Frogs' legs.

Aspiring dish--Frogs' legs.
Hand-over-hand-The highwayman.
Dead men tell no tales, but they leave
no end of them in print.-PucG
OF all sad words of tongue or lip,
The saddest is: 'Pve got the grip"
-Ddnsrille Breeze.
You need help to raise laugh. but
you can sigh alone.-Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
The greatest philosophy is in not want
ing things you can't get.-Atchison
Globe.
The father gathers his dollars in cents;
his son scatters the cents in dollars
Troy Press
"Soft and low," sang the peddler,
who was closing out some over-ripe fruit
at reduced rates.-!StateSman.
"Fetching little thing, isn't it7" as
the owner of retriever pup remarked
to friend.-St. Joseph Neaos.
Women are not cruel to dumb ami
mails. No woman will willfully step on
ouse.-Richmond Recorder.
1t takes nine tailors to make the modern
man. One to make the clothes and
eight to collect the bill. -New York Re
corder.
Miss Tence-s'I like to meet a man
with a history" Mr.. Tence-"So do l
provided he doesn't have it for sale."
Puck.
Mrs. Brown --"My baby is the pretti-
est in the town" Mrs. Black-"Why,
what coincidencel So is mine. y
Harper's BaSar.
Styles of female beauty are said to
have changed within the past few years.
Short women are not in good form-any
longer.-LoaeeU Courier.
"Move forward littlel" roared the
street car conductor. 81 can't" gasped
the man in front, Il don't know how to
ride horseback. y Harper's Bazar.
My names Responsibility,
Pm awful hard to fix;
| But when well fixed, to fix the fix
Is one of my sly tricks.
Puck.
1t is not safe to judge mans courage
by the tone of voice he employs when he
speaks to the office-boy. Wait until
you hear him address his wife.-Neao
! York Recorder.
"Jack doesn't call on Miss Goldie
now." "No; heard he was put out
with her father" 81 rather guess it is
because he was put out by her father"
--Ne,o York Press
"What! you say that Mr. Smith, the
merchant, has gone blind Here's
pretty how dye do. I've got bill on
the man which is made out payable at
sight p"-NeO York World.
Mrs. Malaprop sometimes hits the nail
on the head. 1t rained in torrents as she
left the church Sunday morning without
an umbrella. elbow irrigating this is |"
she calculated. d.-New YORK. Herald.
Judge Ito youthful witness)-'My
son, do you know what would become of
you if you should swear to what is not
true2" Youthful Witness The
lawyers'd git me. p Chicago Tribune.
1t is hard on man to have his beard
shaved off for fun, just to see if his
friends will recognize him, and then to
be bitten by his own dog at the front
gate when he comes home to tea
Somer0jLe Journal.
Wickwire -"And what is your opinion
on the issue of an elastic currency,
Mudge9" Mudge-'If 1t will enable a
man to stretch his weeks salary from
one pay day to the next, I'm in for it. J"
indianapolis journal.
He stole her glove,
For deep in love
He was. and badly smitten;
But later viewed,
The crime he rued,
When he received mitten.
Judge.
Tommy-"Can we play at keeping a
store in here, mammal" Mamma (who
has headache)-''C Certainly, but you
must be very, very quiet" Tommy
"Well, we'll pretend we don't adver-
tise. ."-Art an Adcertising.
Judge-"You are an incorrigible
young scoundreli You stole from your
parents and then left good home.
Why did you do thata" Penitent-
"Your honor, it was impossible for me
''That's little hint give my land
lady once in while" said Mr.. A. Star
boarder; and as he spoke he deposited
on the floor the advertising sheet of the
Whirled, from which halfa-dozen of
the "Boarders Wanted" advertisements
had been cut out. "-Puck.
Wire-wound guns are the latest ac