davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1891-07-10
The Broal Street Turn.
BY NYM CRINKLE.


Durt Cliuy Halsted, broker, Broad
street, turned over a new leaf on New
Year. met him at Dr.. Halls church
in the morning. He had reformed
look in the corner Of his eyes. 81 am
through" he said in calm, business
like manner.
Everything that Cline did was done in
business like manner. I've known him
to get off a car and chase newsboy for
two blocks to get a cent change, because
il was business and he would no. be
swindled, and have known him to
write note to Ned Harrigau to get a
free box and then spend 5000 on flowers
and supper before the nigat was over.
With Broad street popularity he IN
sisted that that was business too.
believe that anywhere Cline would
be called good fellow. He held strict
" to the business principle Of SHINING
his fellow man alive on Broad street and
blowing in a pile when the boys were
no. on that financial warDath.
One day Cline, as said, turned Leaf
He did it mcthodicalIy, calculatingIy ard
firmly. He was polishing his dome be-
fore the glass, and as he laid the brush
down he said, Il must get married.
Very punctilious aud discreet was
Cline. lie proposed to get married just
as he proposed to buy Nashville and
Tennessee. 1t was a good Investment at
that time.
Thea he set about it in the most ex-
traordinary Broad street manner. 81
don't want" said he, "auy giddy beau
ties around They've been around till
I'm tired. want matIre, sensible,
sober, economical, tidy, legel-hsa led,
modest, healthy, good.tempered, pru-
dent, afectionate, sagac.ous, lovable,
motherly, genteel, sterling woman. Girls
make me weary, aud I'm going TO organ
ize the business of getting what | want.
can give an hour a day for the next
wear to the finding of what want, and
I'm too old a business hand to have what
don't want"
So Cline at forty-four organized him
self. Set up a matrimonial bureau IL
that private Office with cathedral win
dows. Put his number eleven gaiter ol
sentiment. Chucled the forget-me- nots
out of his soul and came down to hard
pan.
He would advertise. Yes, he would,
No nonsensical rot about cultured gen
desiring to meet cultured lady, bu
straight business proposition. 1t would
involve immense clerical sYstem--verl
well, would get typewriter, dictate an
swers for an hour every morning. "Firs
thing to do-get typewriter; must b'
business girl"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1891-07-10

are to go back to your mother-ni
once"
He opened the door. "Here, Swain,
ret me coupe" And Swain saw the
sailor hat in his hand.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1891-07-10

Ono morning there came to Cline's
general Office in Broad street a girl in a
baby waist, with pearl-gray Pelis'e over
her shoulders and cornelian ring on
her finger. One Of Clines young men
first noticed her standing by the door.
He told me afterwards that what he
noticed was the absurd chip sailor nat
with blue ribbon and an ancnor on it,
and he wondered if she hadn't borrowed
il from her little brother to come down
town in; it set up so perky and saucily
on top of her ridiculous 8ad Of brown
hair rs if she might be lieutenant in
the Salvation Army.
It's astonishing what things these
young idiots notice.
He went round aud said, "What can
we do for you, madam
MADAM" is a kind OF official squelcher
kept for girls who venture away from
their proper salesrooms to where young
men can get back at them aud pay them
of in their own coin.
81 am typewriter" said Chip Hat,
very meekly. 81 came to answer an ad-
vertisement."
They directed her into the little office
with cathedral windows. Then they saw
the chip hat go through the fatal glass
door on the other side Of which Cline
kept his grim official severity.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1891-07-10

lie was signing checks. 1t was ono
Of the most serious moments Of his life.
He looked up and saw the chip hat
cooked on top of the brown hair. He
leaned back in his cathedral chair and
fastened his commercial eye on his check
book.
swell, young woman, want dis
Greet confidential ,cretary to answer cor
respondents. She's got to be here at ten
o'clock every morning, attend to business
strictly, and she don't get away till two
or three The salary is S12 week. D.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1891-07-10
THE HERALD JOB OFFICE

is complete in every respect. Work done at
short notice and on the most reasonable terms.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
JOSEPH II. OF GERMANY.
A Sovereign Who In Ten Years Endeared
Himself to His Subjects.

Joseph H., Emperor OF Germany,
will always be remembered for his
many acts of kindness to those around
him indeed, it is said of him that he
never passed a day without doing some
thing for the happiness Of his fellow
men.
He was in the habit OF walking
about Vienna unattended, observing
all that went on. and losing no oppor-
tunity OF showing by his words and
deeds that he was fully persuaded OF
the truth, so often forgotten, that in
Gods sight all men are brothers. He
ordered the Prater. the great park OF
Vienna, to be thrown open TO the
general public, and by SO doing he
greatly annoyed the Austrian mobiles
who wished to keep it for their own
use. They represented to the Emperor
that the place would be over-run by
vulgar crowd. and limited that it
would be better If he, as well as
| themselves, associated with only their
equals. Joseph replied that in order
to follow their advice he would be COM
PEELED 10 spend his life in the vaults OF
the Capuchin Monastery, where lay
the bodies of his ancestors, adding that
he loved men because they were men,
and distinguished them for their
actions. and not for their birth.
Many stories are told of the good
Emperor's kindness to the poor. One
| day, as he was walking in the city, a
little boy ran up to him, crying that his
mother was at the point of death and
that he could not summon a doctor, as
he had not the twenty pence required
for his fee "Oh, " said the poor child,
'if Your Majesty would but give US
twenty pence, how happy We should
bevr
Joseph instantly put the money into
the boys hand, at the same time in
curing who he was and where he lived.
The lad hurried away to the doctors
house and presently brought him to his
mothers bedside.
But the doctor has already visited
me, D." exclaimed the woman. He sat
by me, and after many kind words he
wrote for me this prescription, and
she handed IA paper 10 the physician.
1t was a note bearing the well-known
signature of the Emperor, assigning &c
the woman pension OF fifty ducats
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

and consequent crumpling OF the earth's
crust which upheaved the Rocky
mountains and the Andes on this hem
isphero and the Alps. Pyrenees,
Balkans. and Himalayas on the other
side OF the world. Incidentally to this
tremendous alienation in the face Of
the earth all these giant reptiles were
wiped out OF existence. This event
opened what is called to-day the
tertiary epoch. 1t is in the tertiary
epoch that we live now. At the be-
ginning of this epoch the only
reptiles which survived were the
snakes. lizards, turtles. and crocodiles,
all of them resembling closely those Of
their kind which exist to-day. or
these turtles it may be said that they
represent the most ancient tpye OF all
vcrtebrates. resembling closely rs they
do the reptiles Of their kind which ex-
listed so far back as the mesozoic era.
There were sea tortoises during that
epoch which measured twenty feet in
spread of hippers; while some tertiary
tortoises were not less big in body.
measuring twelve feet from head TO
tail.
Reptiles have not changed much
since the opening of the tertiary epoch.
Perhaps the most marked feature OF
their development is found in the
poison glands of snakes. which are
simply salivary glands modified. How
ever. sucii reptiles as we find to-day on
the earth whore once they reipned
as the most highly developed beings,
are but degenerate types of those which
lived long ago"
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
GagadIg Glgnd alb.

There is quaint old man in Man.
chester. England, who goes by the
unique name OF Gagadig Gigadab. says
the New York Tribune. His original
name, so the story goes. was John
Smith, but many years ago he began
to brood over the possibilities OF mis-.
taken identity involved in such a com.
mon name. The name figured fire.
quently in the criminal records, and he
became abnormally apprehensive lest
he might be confused with some OF
these bad John Smiths. At last what
he feared SO much actually happened.
One morning the papers recorded the
capture OF an accountant in bank for
embezzlement and through some blum,
der of the reporter the identity of the
embezqler was confused with the sub
ject OF this paragraph, who was also q
bank accountant. Then and there he
determined to assume a name like unto
no other ever borne by mortal man.
And in Gagadig Gigadab most people
will agree that he has done so. Dick.
ems, in his most erratic flights OF nomen.
clature, never invented anything like
IL. He is an old man now. and thinks
that his queer name will in some way
ward off death. Years ago he chal,
lenged any poet TO write four verses,
each having a rhyme for his last name,
but no one ever accepted the challenge.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
He Was Plastic Clay.

in one year" said young New
York wife, II have got my husband
to give up all his bad habits. He
was spcndthrift but he is now as
careful as | am. He used To swear,
but he has given up all the Ian guage
that | dislike. He INDUCED in liquor
at times, but | have got him to stop
drinking. He kept late hours at night
but now he retires early. He had
other ways that have induced him To
change, and he is model husband.
| have found out tilat wife can do a
great deal to improve her husband's
habits, If she knows how to do it,"
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
FEATURE OF AUSTRALIA.
More English than the United States
Canada, or South Africa.

OF all the countries which have been
originally settled a. ofTshoots of Great
Britain it has the population which is
most exclusively British. says writer
in the Century. No other European
nation has ever held any part OF it, nor
has the drift of continental emigration
been directed TO its shores. No weaker
race has got, or as l shall have to
show later, is likely TO get such a foot
ing there as will enable it 10 confuse
the forms OF national growth. Au-
stralia is more Anglo-Saxon than the
United States with their negro millions
and their steady inflow of continental
cmigrants; more Anglo-Saxon than
Canada, with its considerable fraction
of French population; than South
Africa, with Dutch Beers and native
races; than any country, save Great
Britain itself Under the sunny skies
OF the southern hemishere an almost
purely British stock has continent to
itself as an untitled sheet on which TO
write the history of its development
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
rplscovcrr OF a I.o..ii.

A curious and valuable fossil was
found in the Withlocoochee river. near
the Dunellen Phosphate company's
works. Florida. II is tho broken skull
and horn OF mammoth OK or bison,
The frontal bone, between the horns,
is eighteen inches across. and tho
diameter OF the horns at the base is
seven inches. The horns bend back
ward, like the African buffalo. This
important and valuable relic was
brought up by the dredging machine,
with some mastodon's bones, monster
teeth and pieces OF an immense turtle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

The Boston Globe desires to remind
HE people of the United States that
wenty-seven foreigners own an area
of land in this country larger than the
Ghole Of Ireland; that our government
has given 175, 600. 900 acres of land to
railroad corporations; that land syn
iicate in Texas got 3, 900, 900 acres OF
land Tor building the state capitol nj
Austin; and that, as a consequence, our
national domain is not as "boundl-ss'
as IL was.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
a Regular Dilemma.

Al am in a hideous pickle.
Blow so?
Al have not got any thing to eat,
and the only thing I've got to pawn i.
my false teeth. and il pawn thom ant
buy something TO eat then can't ca,
it. never was in such hideous Fl,
In ali my life.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

A man who has practiced medicine for 40
years, ought 10 know salt from sugar; read
what he saws TOLEDO, o., Jan. 10, 1887.
Messrs. f. J. Cheney IL Co.-Gentlemen:-l
have been in the general practice OF medicine
for most 20 years, and would say taat in all my
practice ana experience have never seen prep
aration that | could prescribe with as much
confidence OF success as can Halls Catarrh
Cure, manufactured by you. Have prescribed
ii great many times aud its effect is wonder
full, and would say in conclusion that have
vet TO find a case Of Catarrh that IL would not
cure. IL they would take IL according to direc-
tions. Yours Truly, l.. i. GORSuCH,M;D:
Office, 2l5 Summit st.
We will give 800 for any case OF Catarrh thai,
IAN not be cured with Halls Catarrh Cure.
Taken internally. +. J. CHENEY ~ %,
Props, Toledo, D. sWSold by Druggists, 15e.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
THE INTELLIGENT cOMPosiToR
His Occasional Blunders and Faults Over
balanced by His Good Deeds.

balanced by His Good Deeds.
There are some things that the aver
age printer cannot or will not do, and
some that be both can do and does.
The former are not nearly so numer-
Gus as the latter, so they may be cata-
logued before schedule is attempted
OF his virtues.
The average composltor says the
San Francisco Chronicle, cannot be
persuaded that there is such word as
ingenious. He is certain to make
1t into 'ingenious" at least nine times
out OF ten; and then, TO restore the
average between the II and the /, be is
very likely TO make "insidiousn into
'insiduous, possibly misled by de
ciduous," which he uniformly gets
right.
His pons asinorum, however. is
consensus" which he will set up
''copcensus" in spite of the united eff
forts OF writer, proof-reader and the
whole staff OF editors. The word
census" seems to carry him of his
feet, and he lives and dies in the belief
that the longer word is census" with
the ICON" prehxed.
Every printing office has what arc
called style rules" which are intend
ed TO be followed as closely as possible
A common, though not universal, rule
is that figures are TO be used instead of
printing the numbers out at length,
but this rule could hardly excuse the
compositor for setting up the familiar
line OF the old hymn SO that il read,
10, 600, 600" Oen thousand thousand)
ARE their tongues but all their joys
are l." or for spelling the editors
quotation from the song, Meet Me in
the Lane at Half Past Nine" by set
ting it up. Meet Ne in the Lane at
$50"
One more illustration completes the
category OF his ordinary misdeeds
Whenever an attempt is made TO quote
the celebrated chapter, ION the Snakes
OF Iceland, which is comprised in the
words. There are no snakes in lee
land" the compositor no matter how
legible his copy. will convert Ice
land" into ireland. the ST. Patrick
legend being apparently more familiar
to him than the history OF Iceland.
But now let Us see what the compos-
itor can do and does every day OF his
life. He takes manuscript, the chi
Biography OF which would make the lid
OF q Chinese tea chest blush with envy,
translates il into the vernacular as he
goes along corrects the spelling and
grammar, and oftcntimes the rhetoric.
and turns it out, not ~ the author
wrote it. but as he intended to write it.
He sets up better English than most
men can write; he can detect errors
of fact as well as of style; ne can give
the horse editor points on sporting
matters and the religious editor on
theology; he can appreciate even the
merits OF a discussion on the tariff,
and detect the fallacies in a profound
leader on economies; and he can do
more hard and intelligent work in
given time, If he has to, than any other
sort OF handicraftsman.
Setting off, then, Ms eccentricities
and idiosyncrasies against his fund of
general information. his knowle ,,e OF
wide range of subjects, and his ability
to discriminate between good and bad
literary work, it is surely no misnomer
TO call him the intelligent COMPOST
tor"
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

. IT is becoming more and more diff
suit to find juries who will inhict the
death penalty deliberately and in cold
blood. and this difficulty will increase
As education increases and the standard
'of popular intelligence is raised. And
20 this feeling OF reluctance TO be re-
.sponsible for taking life is due to the
so-called failure of justice" in murder
|, sases. 1t is a feeling the increase OF
which promises a great measure OF
i,afety for society.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

!, CERTAINLY it is desirable that every
competent voter should be required 10
Cote in all public elections. The ad-
disability of adopting and enforcing a
paw to that end is debatable fo2 the rea-
: Jon that such law would fcroe upor
',ne minority Of peaceful well con
L,ucted CT tizens the surrender OF con
I, itutionally guaranteed liberty of &C
Fon. II voting were made n condition
citizenship under the Republic stat,
legislation could specifically define the
Obligations of citizens under that gen
Eral requirement. AS it is now, votinj
N, privilege, not contract, mora
Ptuty, perhaps. but not a legal obliga
ION; and It is extremely doubtful i
Fly state legislation can transfer i
HON the ono thing into tie ether.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

STATISTICS OF European marine
osses ard accidents show that, after
naking every allowance for the ex-
septionally large marine of Great
Britain, its losses are altogether alb
normal. Neither is it creditable TO
English commercial morality to have
t said that many ship-owners do not
hesitate to send unsafe ships to sea,
their rascality being seconded by ma
rine insurance companies and the lax
ity OF Board OF Trade regulations.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

, A LONDON correspondent of the Chi
s.ago News reports it as an indisp ut
'.ble fact that the average height of
The girls in English society is increas-
ing. while that OF the men is decreas-
ing. This curious physiological pho
aomenon Is accounted for as result
h,f the use OF tobacco by the male sex.
I hen smoke too much tor their health.
/ md begin to practice so young that
heir development is arrested before
hey reach their full statue. while their
tobaccoless sisters grow to the perfec
zion OF graceful womanhood
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

| THE Sunday question las received
ouch consideration OF lato in the leg
: ,lative bodies OF France, Germany and
hungary, and the conclusila reached
is that the welfars. OF society
6 ictates that one day in the sever
MOULD be set apart and prStected by
law as day of rest from labcs. Wheth-
,r this day shall be Sunday Or another
!, ,as question OF debate il. both the
Wrench legislature and the Hungarian
|siet; for neither wished to treat the
observance of the first day 0! the week
rs a religious obligation.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08
Cracking Coal.

Persons sitting by n coal or WOOD
fire are aware of sharp cracking
sound as coal and wood ignite, but few
know the reason for it. A gentleman
OF n scientific turn Of mind explain,
that it is due to the air or liquid con
tanned in the pores expanding by hea,
and bursting the covering in which il
Is confined.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

THE secret OF political power Is pop
plarly supposed to be lodged in mere
numbers. The supremacy OF the ma
jority is, perhaps, at present the only
available basis of constitutional gov
eminent, but no thoughtful man will
fail to recognize the peril of intrusting
the decision of political questions to
political ignorance.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

THE fatty degeneration of intellectual
tissue that comes from wealth is re-
sponsible for more paralysis of genius
than all the poverty that has existed
since tie beginning of the world. This
bread and butter impulse can be cred;
tied with the production Of most of the
work of genius in literature and the
Ms and not little OF it in tn e field OF
lie worlds conspicuous action.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

AN Englishman, in letter relating
to q deceased friend, has this to say oil
drinking as a fine art: The secret is
never to attempt it in conjunction with
any other career you may have in
view. If you propose to make it your
whole existence, it is wonderful how
short and useless your life may be at a
very small expense"
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

THERE is good deal of caloric about
mo human body. One of the interest
Ing facts OF physiology is that the hui
man body generates enough heat dur
ing the day to melt forty-four pounds
Of ice and raise it to the boiling point.
OF course, this rule has its exceptions
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

CORPORATIONS are said nowadays TO
represent greed and nothing moro.
This is probably due to the fact that
the greedy man as IA rule has large
eorpoi alton.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

Men who always wear diamonds-bass
ball men.
The sons and daughters OF present day
railroad magnates will sometime proudly
boast OF the hauls OF their ancestors.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

The demands OF society often incuce
ladies 10 use quack stimulants when feeling
badly. They are dangerous' Lydia r
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound Is adapted
10 such eases.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

A sage rcmark-'A little more stuhins'
please"
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

II. Gaze & Son OF 90 Broadway, New YORK
City. announce very attractive s-oo HIps "
Turone. first class See advertisement.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

A bad boy Is oftca hand-cuned by his
parents
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

Plaster OF Paris 10 probably cap-seins
plaster.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

jailblrd has no wings at ALL but he gets
there just the same.
More money gone - waist, remarked tn"
bright boy, A. lie swallowed tea cent
piece
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

.Igunsou's Magic Corn snlve."
Warranted TO cure, or money reiunosu- Ass
YOUR druggist for ~. Price ID cents
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

Mrs. Hinslow's Soothing syrup, Tor Cini-
d-en teething. softens tho gums reduces 'hhabis-
ton aliays paln cures wind collie &c. bottle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

What is lacking is truth
and confidence.
If there were absolute truth
on the one hand and absolute
confidence on the other, it
wouldn't be necessary for the
makers of DIR. Sage's Catarrh
Remedy to back up a plain
statement of fact by a $500
guarantee.
They say -" If we can't
cure yon make it personal,
please,) Of catarrh in the head,
in any form or stage, we'll pay
you $500 for your trouble in
making the trial."
IAN advertising fake" you
say.
Funny, isn't it, how some
people prefer sickness to
health when the remedy is
positive and the guarantee
absolute.
Wise men don't put money
back of fakes"
And :" taking" doesn't pay.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-05-08

Magical little granules =
those tiny, sugar-coated Pei
lets of DR.. Pierce scarcely
larger than mustard seeds,
yet powerful to cure active
yet mild in operation. The
best Liver Pill ever invented.
Cure sick headache, dizziness,
constipation. One a dose.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1891-07-27

THE San Antonio LIGHT does not
hold itself responsible for what the
Corpus Caller does not know concern
ing the progress of reciprocity CORES
pondence with Mexico. The Caller
may think the LIGHTS party" slow,
but the Callers party never moved a
finger to extend American trade dur
ing all the years it has been in
power.