The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-05-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

A@NNNSNNfs
He can trace his ancestry back to
the flood" 20, pshaw. That's moth
ing. Everybody was in the swim
then. Life.
what is a hobbyp" asks contem-
porary. A hobby is a popularity that
always belongs to some other man.
N. 7. Recorder.
When one dose of religion has lasted
a man forty-seven years it is well to
keep an eye on him in business mat
ters.-RGns's Horn.
When two girls meet they kiss.
When two men meet they don't. This
shows plainly who want kissing the
most. PottsUiIte Republican.
Young Doctor (triumphantly) -"That
is my first patient" Undertaken GLAND
ly)-.'Will you kindly give me an in
PRODUCTION pm 7. Recorder.
so she's going to lecture on how to
manage husband, is sheP How
many husbands has she had herself?"
.Why, she's never been married."-
N. Y. Press.
Sunday School Teacher - Nov,
Johnny, tell me what took all the
snap out of Samson" Johnny-'A
homemade haircut, ma'am. y Yon-
kers Statesman.
81 believe in never breaking faith
with a child" said Mr.. Grimm.
"Whenever l promise that boy of mine
a licking you can bet he gets it. y
Indianapolis Journal.
Il like your cheekp' exclaimed the
girl when the young man kissed her.
so do l like yours, but ! greatly pre-
fer your lips" was the audacious reply.
-Sonaervitte Journal.
The discovery of a manuscript at
tributed to the original Cleopatra is
announced. 1t is not generally cred
tied, however. 1t contains no post
script. IN. 7. Recorder.
Mrs. Greatman-''H Horrors! Such a
looking face! You've been on a spree. J"
The Hon. Mr.. Greatman-''N-o, M
dear; I've (hic) been to con (hic)-
gressional funeral. IN Y. Weekly.
what wages do you expect?" asked
Mrs. B. of the candidate for the posi-
ton of cook-lady. II never work for
wages, num-, returned the cook-lady;
II goes on salary or nothin'. ."-Epoch.
When girl has a handsome new
solitaire diamond engagement ring the
thought involuntariIy comes to her
mind how foolish it is for women to
wear gloves so much Sonaerville
Joatr7sGL.
"rm told that Brassleigh, the novel
ist, charges 500 for reading one of his
own sketches before lyceums." "Yes.
It's cheap. too. / wouldn't read one
of Brassleighs sketches for 5000. -
Hdrper''s Bdzdr.
Bagley-'t Bronson must have hard
work to raise the wind if he is as slow
with all his friends as he is with me" P"
Brace Hard workP He's got so he
can't borrow trouble without an in
dorser!'-Haaper BdSar.
What are your qualifications as a
boys teacherp Have you had any ex-
perie nceP" Yes, sir, the very best. "
.tMention them, please" Il used to
be an animal tanner in Jones menag-
erie. Philadelphia Times.
The Count what an unpatriotic
lot your young fellows are. They
seem to forget that they are Ameri-
cans" Miss Babbidge-"O, 0, with them
it's not so much forgetfulness as alb
sence of mind. "-Brooklyn Life.
She (archly)-''Don't you think age
is beginning to tell on me?" He
(warmly) age will never be so
ungallant as to do that. And he will
hesitate long before he lays rude
finger on so fair a face."-M Y Press.
Like many others, she has the mis-
fortune to have very prosaic hus-
band. "Would were a bird,'" she
starts to sing. "What good would it
doP" he Interrupts. 'Irl bet you
wouldn't keep your bill shut. File
geasde BLatter.
"Now," said the teacher, who had
been trying to instill her class with a
love of nature. (which of the seasons
do you like best? Johnny may an
swer.'' And Johnny promptly an
swered: ''The base ball season.
Washington Post.
Fortune Teller-'tA handsome young
man is desperately in love with you.
You will have three children, two boys
and a girl; so 1 see in the cards. :"
Young Lady--"Yes, but don't the
cards have something to say about a
weddingp"-Teras Siftiogs.
Do not repine because the straw
berry box has its bottom so near it's
top. If the boxes contained more ber-
ries they would contain more acid and
more grit. No, my dear sir or madam,
you have no reason to complain, but
rather to rejoice. Boston Transcript.
Doodles-' ''Just had tremendous
piece of luck" Noodles-"Ho
Doodles-'.Why,I met Snyder, and he
struck me for So" Noodles-"W "Well?"
Doodles-''Why,I l hadn't cent. Say,
can you lend me $5P" Noodles No;
I'm in the same good luck. ."-Rarper's S
Bazaar.
Student-''We want badges for our
graduating class. We have adopted as
design a graduate surveying the uni
verse; Jeweler-''About how large
would you like the figure?" Student
IL think the graduate should cover
about three-fourths of the badge and
the universe the remainder. ."-Jea0eL-
erS' Weekly.
Dashaway-'I stood on the corner
this morning for five minutes debating
whether should buy bunch of roses
for Miss Peterkin or a necktie for my
SCAs WuCA 1IdfGIS dlOup anu
said he had bought her the roses. u
Cleverton-"S you got the necktieP''
Dashaway-"No, 1 had to lend the
money to Travers. ."-C CLoth1er and Far
7iSher.
May-"Belle Van Leer would have
been a martyr in the Dark Ages y
Stella-''W What makes you think sop
May-''Why, you know. when she
found that George Bond had lost al
his money she said: If 1 marry him
people will say am philanthropist
and cannot and will not be ostenta
tious. So shall give him up, though
it break my heart!"-N. Y. Herald.
Tommy and Alice were twins and
had just brought home their first re-
ports from school. '.Ah," said papa
as he compared the two papers, Il see
that Alice has almost routed you
Tommy" Tommy glanced at the re
ports and after awhile said, delight
edly: But have beaten her in one
thing. papa. See my number is the
greater" And he pointed to the de
merit column. philadelphia Times.
The story is running the rounds of {