Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1891-03-25
GLOON LISPELLERS.


A girl will naturally express a can
died opinion of the young man who 4
constantly bringing her confectionery
Girls solemnly promise to be the wive,
or doctors, lawyers or business men,
But when the wedding day arrives
The minister usually marries them
First Newspaper Man--"Did you do
any literary work on your vovage
scross?" Second Newspaper Man
eyes, 1 contributed extensively to the
Atlantic"
"I hear that young Lazie passed his
examination in anatomy with honors;
did he have q private tutor?" "No,
he went in bathing every day at
Asbury Park"
Accepted Suitor-"Won't you fno
it awkward when you meet your other
two husbands in heaven?" Interesting
Widow-"I don't expect to meet either
of them there"
Omaha Wife-"I see that even Sui
livan is a monopolist." Husband -
$50? I thought he was among the
strikers" Wife "No, all of hi:
mills are in 'the ring"
care you fond OF diamonds, Mr.
De Smythe?" said a young lady.
"Well," said he, absent mindedly,
"that would naturally depend on what
was trumps, wouldn't it?"
Mr. Oldbeau-"And your husband"'
Widow-s'In heaven these two years" +"
Mr.. Oldbeau -''Im shocked at the
news! He and 1 used 10 go out to-
gether. 1 never would have dreamed
It,"
"Pa" (inquired Bobby, as they were
returning from revivahst mseting),
"why, do those people shout so loud !
Is God deafl" "No, Bobby, but in 6
case of that kind, He is a good wa,
off"
''I really don't see what is the matter
with my razor today. II is so dull that
it don't cut at ALL" said Johnny's pa.
"Why, pa" said Johnny, ait was
sharp the other day, when I used it tc
make a ship with."-Epoch.
"Mrs. MacPowers, don't be afthei
pokiu' yer tongue out at me, but acl
loile lady for wunst an come outside
the door for moment an Oil make
the ugly face O. you look loike the
Pan Handle Route TO ChicagoW
] ''What on earth is the matter with
that razor?r shouted the victim, as be
writhed in the barber's chair. "Deed
sab, dere isn't muffin de mattah wut
de razah, but you whiskahs sutny ack:
ez if dey'd bin nickel plated"
Sharpe-"Just give that messenger
call a whirl, will your" Clerk-"Yes,
J sir. What shall tell the boy wher
he comesw Sharpe "Send hin
around 10 the telephone Office to notify
them that want TO use the telephone
America.
Multiplying the candle power
"NIiss Kelly, Oh notice yez got yez g
new mirror" "Yis; Oh thought
'twould be more economy to buy wan
to set the candle In front av, soze to
Iave two candles than to burn kero'
chine smp."-Judge.
Mrs. Coldtea-"We must plan au
srtrd fine dinner for tomorrow
1t is Mr.. Coldtea's birthday. Let me
see; what shall we have for the pieo<
de resistance2" New boarder-"Why
not have the usual piece de resistance
the steak F'-America.
Pity her husband-City dame (whc
has bought little farm)-tMary, al
those fresh eggs are soft. go out in the
barn and see if some of the chicken.
haven't laid some hard-boiled eggs
Pm going to make q salad" Mary
eyes, mum, From Time.
"Weu, my dear, how would Farmer
Brown suit you for husband? He
seems to be uncommon sweet on yor
lately" "Perhsps, so, father; but hi
hair is so red that" "True, true
my child; but you should recollect tina
there i. very little of it."-Judge.
Coming home from a picnic: John
"But, now, look here, Suso, do you
doubt that love you" Susan-"No
bit of it, John, 1 know you wouldn'
have squandered sixty cents for ic'
cream and things unless you were il
press.
Perils Of the Summer Outing--Mr
Dudley Spunger-''Oh, say, chappie
we cawn't stay here. My tailor
registered and l owe him q cool hun
! dred." Mr.. Flashly Borem-'Pu
with you, old man, borrowed fifty o,
Charley Lawrence yesterday, and he'
here, too. ."-Boston Beacon.
Something wrong-A child who haC
Just mastered her catechism confessed
herself disappointed, because, she said
"though l obey the fifth command
ment, and honor my papa and mamma
yet my many days are not bit longeI
in the land, because am still put Il
bed at o'clock. ."-Times of India.
"I don't believe you have been to tn
Sunday school. You've been Il
swimming. Your hair is wet ant
your trousers are hjndpart foremost.
.'WeIl you see, mar, was runnin' 81
hard to Sunday school that my heat
got wet wild perspiration, and then
fell down, and 1 was going so fast
'urned over in my trousers"
Tho Bitter Before the Sweet.-Jim
ny-"Mamma. wish you'd lick nj,
real good and hard" Mother (sur
prised) -"Whip you'll Why, Jimmy
| you haven't done anything wrony
have you7" Jimmy-"No; but m,
an Bill Jones are goln' swimmin,
and you know you told me you'd licl
me If l went, so thought I'd enjo,
the swim good deal better If you't
10 it beforehand. d."-Lawrence Ameri
ran,