Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-02-04
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

|
UppER-TEN CH1LD-"My papa is
abroad. Is yours?" Lower-Ten child
-"Yep. Mine is at large ag'ln. Good
Neus.
SANso-"Why don't you wear mono
Gle in each eye?" Dude-"Aw, a fellah
must see, doncherknow." = Mu,1sey's
! Weekly
PAssENGER-''Is this ticket good to
stop Off" Conductor-'Ye s'm. But
it wont be good to git on again. "-Ne,o
York Weekly
II is intimated that Editor Easley is
applying himself to the invention of a
device for squeezing water out of rail
road stocks.-Kansas CITY Star.
QUESTIONABLE sr.-Composer to
his friend-"Well, how do you like my
sonata?" "My dear fellow, no one will
ever play it after you. '-F2iege'ade BIat-
| ter.
FArHER-"If you expect to succeed in
push" Son-"I've got pull. dad, and
that's better than push "-Boston Irdn-
script.
"LooK at the crowd around the corner.
What's the matter ?" Baggs-''O, moth
ing, only a policeman killed by an acct
dental discharge Of duty Harvard
LdmpOOn.
Mr.. DE RICHIE Ito friend to whom ne
is exhibiting his new picture gallery
''There What 90 you think of all
those pictures, and ali done by hand -
-FZiegerade Bi8tter.
go, WHAT beauty ~ she cried raptur-
ously, as he handed her a magnificent
rose. eyes," he said sadly, "an Amer
| lean beauty-cost dollar and quar-
ter. p Washington Star.
GUsHLEY-''Did you ever, like the
poet, stand on the bridge at midnight?'
| Rounder-"No, but I've often stood on
bobtail flush at about that time of the
evening "-New York Herald
81 THOUGHT you were going to have
''Where is it?' s'In the cellar. 1t
looked so badly on the roof took it off
and made coal-bin Of it."-HdTper's
Bazaar.
IDA LEWIS, the heroine of the Newport
| lighthouse, has been offered chance
| to go on the stage, to appea n life
saving scene. She prefers VIC ing in a
lighthouse to playing in light .iouses.-
| NorristooUn Herald.
IT is strange how man will himself
admit that he is a fool, yet if any one
else tells him so he will get hopping
mad right away-Boston Herald.
HlLow7'.NoT3 look here, Bloc
b bumper H6uldn be fGql If We're
L, you wouldn't be fool. "-Epocb.
Woo14--"How do you go to work to
tell the age of hem" Van Pelt-"By
the teeth" Wool-''A hen hasn't any
teeth, you IDIOT ''No, but l have,'-
Ha7pes's Bazar.
Mr.. GAzzAM Ito his son)-"Well. |
! hear that Browns boy threshed you
soundly and that you took your punish
ment meeklv.' Young Gazzam-'Took
it, did [? Not much! He gave it to
| me. "-Drake's Magazine.
SHABBY Parsonage addressing an old
lady)-'Please, mum, will We give me a
few cints fur breakfast Old lady stern
| ly)-"No, sir. You've been drinking"
S. P.-"Faith, an is that any raison why
I shouldn't ate?"-Harrnrd Lompoon-
MRS PADsBY looming forward ut
prayer meeting and addressing pastor)
My husban' wanted me to explain
that he amt laughin' at your remarks.
He got his new teeth in upside down
an can't get them reversed till he gifts
outside. "-Jatdqe.
WHEN there is no hawk flying around
the biggest thing in the barnyard is the
strut of the smallest looster.-Atchison
Globe.
"ITdon't pay to be kind to pets" said
Johnny 81 filed the goldfish globe up
with milk one day, and the fish ali
| died. "-Rdrper's B0zar.
WHEN society whispers, you can bet
it's whispering i'll of some one; when.it
distance trumpet.-S. Joseph Meas.
NAMBY-"She is very rich Do you
suppose he had a tender feeling for
her?" Hooks-"Of course, of course
legal-tender feeling. "-NeW York Her
a1d
TEACHER Tommy, will you give an
example of tautology? Tommy Saw
one in our pap this morning. 1t
spoke of a 'brainless dude. '''-I43dia4e-
apolis Neus.
els there stationery store in town %
asked a visitor at Kansas hotel. "No.
SIR" replied the clerk, as he shook his
head; ''this town is in the cyclone belt"
-Hdrper's Bdzar.
SUGGEST a motto for my new bust
ness venture, will you, Miss Agnes?'
''What is the business"' "a dairy
| farm" ''Then suppose youtake Leave
| we'll alone 1.-The Jester.
/ In India little girls wear gold rings in
| their noses. One of the advantages of
| this fashion consists IN the fact that the
ring wearer does not have to take off
her gloves to parade her JeWelry.-1er-
as .Siiftings.
| "DEM1-TRAIN," he exclaimed as he
stepped on 1t and fell over it in two or
three places. "But it isn't" she said,
unconscious of his profanity, and proud
| ly, for it was her first long gown
| Washington Star
A TRIFLE INcoNsEoUENT.- hat is the
price of that set of shirt studs ?''
[ 49,. O00." ''But is that not very high?"
"You think so? What do you think,
then, of the present high price of pro-
visions? "-F1iegerade Bt8tter.
THOROUGHLY PosTED.-Cigar Dealer
eyes. | want a boy here. Have you
had any experience ?" Youthful APP
plicant-"L Lots Suppose I should
mix up the price marks in these boxes,
could you tell the good cigars from the
bad ones % EASY 'nough." ''How? ?"
''The wust cigars is in the boxes wot's
got the purtiest pictur's. Street q,
SMITH Good Meas.
A LONELY SCENE.-According to the