Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-10-08

lite society, prohibited from vulgar
exhibition of haste by running, was
therefore compelled to remain the
leading curiosity in a street circus.
The inconsistency of this REQUIRED to
me. and had i acted from impulse, I
should have cut my sticks and bolted.
But this would have been gratuitOuS
fun to my escort; for it is undeniable
that there is nothing in nature SO we'll
calculated to make the public grin as
the spectacle of a fat man on dead
run.
Yet did conceive of a plan for re-
lief by losing my costly silk umbrella,
which was Christmas gift from a
dear friend, who at the time could not
have foreseen the present narrowing
consequences.
And so, just as I was about to hear
the sixth inquiry why I kept my UNI
brella dry at such deplorable sacrifice
to my person, sided up to the gutter,
let the handle slide through my fingers
and hurried on.
All! happy idea! A grim story of a
Russian mothers escape from pursuing
wolves by throwing to then. her tender
babe. flashed into my mind. True, my
sacrifice was mere umbrella; and the
scram bling pack of gamins in my rear
might have it and welcome. Yet, an
other instant, and the whole herd were
again after me in full cry. Say, mis-
ter! Hey, boss! You'se lost yer UNI
breller. Here it's And the lost
article was flashed before me like 4
magician's wand to bar my progress
keep it, sonny" 1 replied. rather
petulantly: whereupon there was q
great uproar.
"Dinny Costigan!" screamed young
citizen. I'm in on dat dere um brella-
L found de half of it." Accordingly.
there cnsued a tremendous onslaught
on Dennis by the excited claimant.
Young Mr.. Costigan took to flight,
| but, to my disadvantage, he revolved
about my person, the claimant in hot
pursuit. I foresaw the inevitable con-
sequences to myself when the decisive
grapple should occur, with my legs in
danger of violent seizure, front and
rear. And so reclaimed the umbrella,
| tossed the sembled company some
silver and passed on.
| BY this time my silk tile was not the
object it ought to have been. Indeed,
my whole dripping person suggested an
oversaturated sponge. In view of my
| PCtpiCAiChCS, .SOu "AiA PiOoSS W pal
my confession of acute mental and
physical distress.
At last, my sense of the improperly
of vulgar haste had to yield to the
| eXigencies of the moment l increa ,ed
my pace to shuttle. and then to u xino
of trot, shedding mental anathemas al
every step.
| At this, the mob gleefully pursued
me- The eldest Of the Ara bs cncircleG
my person as if l were the adjunct of Z
merry-go-round, and the junior mem
bers of the tribe strayed across my
path, and l STUN bled over them. Ir
| vain did l eXpostulate, and frantically
wave my crippled umbrella. Thei1
blood was up. and l weakly sought
refuge in flight.
Down the street 1 ran, fairly snoring
from the violence of my eXertions, tn,
juveniles after me, yelling in choru:
selections from the popular operas
such as Comrades" and ''Where Die
You Get That Hat?'
| At last, as car was sighted,
policeman in a rubber overcoat has
tened to my assistanca-as l then sup
posed; but subsequently learned tina
it was his benevolent purpose to re
strain me, until he could communicate
by telephone, with the various publ
institutions wherein are confined per
sons of deranged intelle ct.-kar
Trego, in brakes Magazine.