The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1891-01-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

cyclone.
The man who is "waiting for some
thing to turn up" might turn up his
sleevcs and go to work.-Puek.
If ae lungs contain "a, 900, 900 cells,
as q contemporary Informs us, why not
use than .<~S penitentiary'-West
Sao7s:1 ~
'Tuuierstand, Pat, that you have q
big faulty dependent upon youf" "Yis,
sor, til childers, siven pigs and the old
'oman."
"Trrapin," says writer "is an &C.
auired taste" So it is. A taste Of ter
rapin 3 among the most difficult things
to ACQUIRE known Washington Post.
The slang that from her lips fell pat,
Oftmade her English hagy;
She once was heard to murmur, that
-Washington Fost.
Crawford-.sTime is money, you
know" Merrltt-"Aud yet 1 would
sooner have girl who has forty millions
than one who has forty years. ."-Ch'cago
Light.
doesn't that man look sheepish2"
asked Mrs. Keedick. eyes, but per-
haps he has had the wool pulled over his
eyes" replied Keedick.-Ohicago Inter
Oees ~s'y->-.~<--
Nh.Sr"Potts shaves here sometimes,
does&~n6x Barber-"Yes; MIR. Potts
is one of my regular clients" Potts
"Clientsl Don't you mean patientsT-
Indianapolis Journal.
is a very enter.
tanning fellow; don't you think so"
Fogg-"Yes, but the deuce Of it is you
can't begin to laugh until after he has
gone. ."-Boston Transcript.
Some wag recently started the story
that Mrs. Stanley is about to write
book entitled "How I Found Stanley"
and shs is receiving letters from people
who think 1t Is true.-New York Tribune.
His Fisuoee-'.Are you sure Joa
would love me just as tenderly II our
conditions were reversed-if you were
rich and were poor7" He-"Reverse
our, conditions and try me. "-Brook!ys
LII.
tfWhat is the name of the other vaga-
bond who was with you3" asked the
masstrate, = mmy tho Calico" .aow
Times.
"Look herel You just jabbed me in
the eye with your umbrella" "Too bad.
Here's my fathers card. He's an eye
doctor, and If you'll use my name he'll
give you bottom rates. ."-Phitadslphid
Record.
Johnny-"Mr. Hankinson, ain't you
shaped just like other men2" Mr.. Han.
kinson--"I suppose so, johnny; why2
"Papa says you amt exactly square, aud
Irene says you seem to be always round"
Chicago Tribune.
Dealer-sI am sure, madame, you
could look the city through aud not find
handsomer carriage than this" Mrs.
D'Avnoo-"Oh, it's handsome enough,
but 1t looks too comfortable to be styl-
ish. "-NeU York Weekly.
~ am going to be indiscreet, Miss
Chicago" "Oh, you can't be with me,
Mr.. Boston" s'No2 Well, was just
going to say how elegantly that big
diamoE1r ral:...s7pkis Yssiss. with your
Mrs. Bingo-"Clara has been shopping
all day. Oh, here is the delivery wagon
with some Of the things she has or.
dered." Bingo-"But where is Claras'
Mrs. Bingo-"She is probably waiting
for the change. ."-MeU York Sun.
The only thing that mars the dandy's
peace of mind is the fact that he isn't
imported, like everything he uses.
Meanwhile, from his lofty place in the
menagerie, the imported monkey looks
down on him, and marvels.
''Do you find enough to keep you
busy these days7" "You bet. Pm put
ting in bigger days work these days
than I ever did before" "Why,
thought you'd given up your job. {"
$50 did. Pm looking for another"
--Bu6alo Erpress.
Jack-'"Nhy.ar are you locking so sad9"
Tom--'I saw Maud throwing sly
glances at Harry tonight" Jack
"Cheer up. 1t was doubtless for you
che meant them, though Harry got them.
Women can never throw straight you
know. ."--Harper's Bazar.