davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13
A SALESMAN REBUkED.
The Harmless Practical Joke Played BY q
Comedian.

The Harmless Practical Joke Played BY q
Comedian.
It is related of a certain French
comedian that he would rather indulge
in an inoffensive practical joke than
keep faith with his manager. Numer-
Gus instances of his breach of the one
and adherence to the other are eXtant.
An incident in the latter line that he
confessed to himself was that on a GER
tain occasion he entered a prominent
hardware store when nobody was in at
tendance but young clerk. This in
dividual on his entrance treated him
with that distant and fiippant condescen-
sion, which, although it exists there. is
perhaps less a characteristic of the
Partisan counter-jumper than his kind
elsewhere.
The actor took in the youths mental
proportions at a glance and said:
Il would like, if you please, a nice
copy of Hugo's complete works"
I'VE don't sell books here. This
amt no book shop. You're in hard
ware store"
'Oh, we'll, Pm not very particular, :"
continued the player, pretending, with
an excellent imitation of nature, that
he was very deaf 1T doesn't matter
''But this is no book store" shrieked
the attendant, getting red in the face.
''Just SO, just so, went on the come
dian. Pack it up in your incest shape.
But I would like to write my name in
it,
The young man gasped and fell back
against the counter. Then, with a
voice that made the very nails in the
floor rattle, he yelled:
'.This-ain't-no-b
''Oh, very we'll; then I'll wait of
course" and the actor quietly took a
chair.
The clerk choked another effort to
either burst blood vessel or make
some impression on the others tym-
panum, but at that moment the pro-
| prietor entered
'For heavens sake. Mr.. Chysel," he
| cried, excitedly, rushing toward him,
hurry up. There's a crazy man in
| here. and can't make him understand
! me-"
Mr.. Chysel approached the comedian
| and inquired blandly:
Can do anything for you. STRIP
Certainly you can. want a flea
common five-inch rat-tan file. if you
| please. You have them"
Certainly"
| The side look of whitening scorn
| the proprietor gave the clerk was
such that for months afterward he
| was so small that deaf customers were
! continually lifting him up and dropping
him through the eyes of needles
| Philadelphia Times.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13
OHIO PEOPLE.

The Peoples Party Nominates Fun Ssaee
Ticket-John Seitz Nominated For Gov
ernor-The Platform
SPRINeFIELD, O.. Aug. TT was
els o'clock yesterday morning when
the temporary chairman, Cavanaugh,
called the peoples party convention to
order by pounding with brand new
sledge hammer upon the anvil that sits
upon flag decked block at the front
of the stage
The regular proceedings of the day
were opened with prayer by Rev. B. +.
Foster. of Cincinnati The report OF
the committee on permanent organiza-
ton was the first business in order.
Hugh Cavanaugh was recommended as
permanent chairman and DR.. 81. T.
Higdon permanent secretary. Cavan-
augh said he had too much respect for
the feelings of the delegates to inflict
upon them another speech, and after
returning thanks for the honor con-
ferred upon him he called for the re-
port of the committee on device
The committee recommended that the
pillow and hammer be adopted as the de-
vice of the party. Mr.. Vortes, of Gin
cinnati, moved to amend the report by
submitting ''the home" as the device
for the head of the ticket The figure
of Justice holding the scales was recon-
mended but the committee report was
finally adopted. The report of the
committee on rules and order of bust
ness was next read and adopted Chair
man Cavanaugh then called for the re-
port of the committee on resolutions
The platform deprecates the creation
of enormous municipal debts; demands
the forfeiture of the charter of the
Standard Oil Co.; favors the election of
United States senators by the people;
demands free school books, the prohibi-
ton of child labor and abolition of
prison contract labor; demands the
abolition of national banks and the
issue of treasury notes and favors gov
eminent loans to the people; favors free
coinage; demands laws prohibiting
alien ownership of lands: demands a
graded income tax, besides several
planks of a local character. Aresolution
in regard to liquor was referred to the
national committee
A full state ticket was then nomi-
mated.
The ticket is: Governor, John Seitz,
Seneca county; lieutenant-governor.
Frank L. Rist, Hamilton county; audit
or, David n. Cooper, Athens; attorney
general, Rial n. Smith, Summit; treas
urer. Henry Wolf. Cuyohoga; supreme
Judge, Albert S Yaple, Hamilton;
school commissioner, ]. E. Peterson.
Green; member board public works. ].
s. Borrer, Franklin; dairy and food
commissioner, w. j. Weaver, Portage.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13
Doo-DAY DELIGHTS.

Tho weather now Is torrid;
Our sticky clothes feel horrid;
The moisture on our forehead
Never dries.
Mosquitoes. madly biting,
Make sleepless nights exciting:
We're tired out with fighting
Pesky flies.
For work or for diversion
We have q strong aversion
To breathe IS an exertion
We would shun.
Though cooling drinks we're taking
Our thirst Is never shaking
We're boiling. broiling, baking
In the sun.
Along the streets we totter
With fans that make US hotter;
We wish we were an otter
Or an eel;
In waters meath the willows
We'd lay on muddy pillows
How cool below the pillows
It must feel
Though gauzy our attire
All night long we perspire
And dream eternal fire
Is our bed;
We'd dollars give in numbe
For just one cooling slumber
Where the crispy, green cucumber
Hides it's head
o, won't the weather wizard
Refresh US with blizzard
And turn our very gizZard
Into ice.
Where deepest drifts were showing
And coolest waves were blowing
Wed linger, feebly growing:
20, how nice"
H C. Dodge, in Goodalrs Sun.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

awhile in the cabins along the Yuba,
above Marysville, you will find miners
still coyoting among the thrice-sifted
piles of gravel for the aftermath Of
40; you will find old stage drivers,
with bent and twisted hands, who
know every noted driver of the Pacific
coast; you will hear stories of staging
in the fifties and sixties, in the widest
parts of the Sierras, that have never
reached print, but have been carried
on, through manifold traditions. until
they have reached the completeness
and the dignity of an epic of the stage
coach.
Besides the longer stories one hears
there are dozens of lesser episodes of
the staging days-the episode of
Smoky's runaway, for instance.
Smoky was famous stage driver be-
tween Grass Valley and Marysville, by
way of Penn valley, Rough and Ready,
Smartsville and Timbuctoo. About 1861
he was in his glory. the ideal of a
driver, and able to hold his own with
anyone on the route. He received his
name from the remark of little girl,
the daughter of the hotelkeeper at
Murphy's Ranch. She once slid off his
lap and ran off, saying that he was
''too smoky to stay with" she. ''iked
men who did not puff cigars in her
face"
After this episode Smoky's real name
fell into disuse; he was Ism oky" and
''Old Smoky" from the Sierra to the
Sacramento.
On the day when Smoky had his run
away affair, the stage swung into
Grass Valley early in the morning,
with two passengers aboard, both in
side. They had breakfast, and then
Smoky took charge. He drove around
in front of the store to wait for another
passenger; he put on the brake, as he
supposed. twisted the reins about the
brake-bar, and went into the store.
The four horses started off at full
speed, and, striking a stone, the jar let
Che brake loose; then the horses few
down the grade like sons of destruc-
tiOn
The passengers sat in silence, little
surprised at the rapid motion, but be-
lieving that the driver was on the box.
One of them was a small, nervous,
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13
Germany and the Fair.

BKKLIx, Aug. IA paper of this city
says that Chancellor Won Caprivi has
told Mr.. Phelps, the American minister.
that the Emperor William win perhaps
visit the worlds fair at Chicago. This
statement, however, lacks confirm.-
ton The Vossische Zeitung says: ssTbe
idea OF holding q worlds fair in a eoun-
Try bound by McKinleyism is grotesoue.
GERMAN manufacturers cannot hope 70
OBTAIN market there ONLY Amer.
lcans WIZ profit by the exper;ence
gained In inspecting the exhibits and
.ney VIII probably then increase the
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

Mrs. Peppercorn (reading)-"One
of the idols most revered by the Japan
csc is that represented by the figure of
a woman, seated. resting her chin in
her hand" Mr.. Peppercorn-"Very
interesting. my dear. Proves that the
japanese are among the wisest people
of the earth" Mrs Pillow sop
Mr.. P. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES they
defy woman who gives her chin q
rest"-Pittsburgh Bulletin
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

WASHINGTON, Aug. IA member Of
the national democratic committee Is
said 10 have recently discoursed as fol-
lows: The committee will not meet
until February p. 1892 As to the
place of holding the national conven-
ton, no conclusion will be reached
until the committee meets in Febru-
airy. St Louis wants it, as do Detroit
and Chicago I have heard also that
Baltimore will ask for it, and perhaps
Washington, too. II it is to be held
east. why not at BALTIMORE There is
some talk, too, Of q late convention and
Saratoga Has Washington a chance?
Well, yes. If Baltimore does not get II. -
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

HE telling o +
the stories of
s t a g e c o a C h
q a y s on the
frontier h a S
only just be-
gun. For every
o n e yet told.
t b ere are a
thousand better
ones hidden in
the mountains,
h an gi n g in
faint no e q
about the camp
fires of the pio-
neerS.
II Won live
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

The great sextuple printing press re-
Gently set up for the New York Her
aid produces $4,000 four-page papers
per hour. This is twenty-five copies
per second The press consumes twenty
SIX miles OF double-width paper per
hour and weighs ffty-eight tons.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

Little Willie-papa's rasor-
Nails were in the kindling wood
Frantic yelis-a bran new horse whip
For two whole days he'll be good.
Minneapolis Times.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

forced economy IN the reduction of the
clerical force Of the government Al.
banv Ar0us
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13
DOWN THE GRADE.

Story Of a Stagecoach Ride in the
Rockies.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

"A Farmers Idea.-A farmer and
his wife, who had been doing Central
park the other day. stopped at the
Fifth avenue entrance as they came out
and turned for a last look. ssNice, isn't
it?' said the wife. Purity darned fine,
and no mistake" he heartily replied.
ssWhat's it wuth?" ssWali, that's hard
to say, as I don't know what land
fetches by the acre round here, but I'll
tell We this If we had this thing on
our farm jest as it stands, / wouldn't
take cent lessen five thousand dollars
for it, and I'd git six thousand dollars
if could!'-N. Y. World
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13
A beautiful Description.

Almost everyone knows the distress
occasioned by a sudden tendency to cry
at a time when one wishes to appear
particularly unmoved and even stoicaL
Marjorie never cries when any little
mishap befalls her. and has been
known to sustain without shedding a
tear severe bumps that have rapidly
acquired a black and blue aspect But
the other day Araminta, her dearly
loved and tenderly cherished doll, fell
into the open CRATE and received con-
fusion of the nose which was most un-
pleasant to contemplate.
Marjorie winked very hard for a few
minutes. and then, running with her in
jured Araminta to her mother, she bur
led her head in her mothers lap, sob
bling: ''Oh, mamma, I don't want to
cry. but my tears have all come un
Observation-Disclosures News.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-08-13

ent.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-24
THE PRICE OF WHEAT.

The Minnesota Farmers Alliance has
issued wheat" circular advising the
farmer to sell only what he is obliged TO
when the receipts are large and increasing,
and when they are on the decline TO sell
only certain portion each month. In
conclusion the letter predicts that wheat
will sell on Minnesota and Dakota farms
for $50 per oushel before the winter
closes.
This is not good advice IN the opinion
of the Albany Evening Journal, which
says:
In 1854, the last year prior to 1891 when an
enormous what crop was gathered, the price OF
the cereal touched IS cents in December. The
present price, over 80 cents busheI. is a third
greater than the price prevail ng seven years
ago Moreover the 1891 crop is one-seyenth
larger than the yield of 1854. II is true that
there s extreme scarcity abroad this year. But
II Is also true that exports in 1851 were q very
liberal scale
The most striking feature OF the present stu
alton in wheat is that there is no shortage in the
worlds crop. On the contrary, ii is larger than
last years. The shortage is in Europe, aud the
surplus is in the United States. The wheat crop
of 1891 exceeds that of 1890 by 10000 bushels
OF 1889 b. O., 800, 900 bushels.
In estimating the future price of wheat it
would BE- we'll for the Mipnesota farmers to take
a broad view of the situation.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-24
ENGLAND's POLICY is PEACE.

80 far as the report is concerned that
the English government is in any way
secretly responsible for the contumacious
attitude of Chile it is utterly without
foundation. 1t is quite possible that
few English traders at Valparaiso might
use their opportunity TO increase the
hostility of the Chilean people for the
United States, but the English govern
ment is not responsible for the individual
acts or speeches of irresponsible indi-
viduals. 1t is safe to say that America
has no better friend, as matter of mere
policy, thaass ttroottiand today. We are rivals
and coRher .brs in trade, but we are not
peii cal foes. The administrations of
Maidstone, Beaconsheld and Salisbury
have all shown spirit of commemorate
moderation in the settlement of all inter-
national controversies with America.
England is not in position to go to war
with any great power today save Russia.
Russia's pressure upon Engands
Afghanistan frontier at Pamir may pre-
cipitate war at any moment, but England
does not expect much less wish, war from
any other quarter. War with Russia Eng
land would undertake. because she would
have at least the moral support of Ger
many, Austria and Italy IN such conflict,
while France would not go to war with
England because of Russian quarrel.
England knows that war with the United
States would mean the collapse OF her In
dian empire. which Russia viii be sure to
assault the moment England's hour of
difficulty furnishes the car with his OPP
portunity. England has no motive of in
terest to justify hostility to the United
States, and every consideration of state
policy prompts England TO avoid war with
either the United States or any great
power in Europe. England does not want
war with Russia even, but she Is in con-
slant danger of being obliged TO accept it
In defence of her Indian empire.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-24
Chlcsgo Din Intsr-Ocea


II am frequently amused" remarked a grad
nate OF Dwight So the Palmer house yesterday.
at hearing people express the opinion thar DR..
Kelley Will 5e millionaire some day. hap
pen 70 know & few particulars about the doe
to.'s bus ness, and they viii Sstonish the pub
lie rs wei As satisfy a general curiosity.
seven hundred patients would be low esti.
mate OF the number a Dwight al the time.
EHch O. these pays SIS q week for the treatment
This mesns 2l7,Jo per week, or $4,000 "a year
from the local patients aloha In addition
there are those treated at home. Medicine for
these IS shipped a, So case. Al
average Of 20 cases are sent from
Dwight every day. making an additional
3oa7.A0 year. TAis makes s tota! income OF
Sl.56o -lo = yesv from patients direct. Branches
aTs being constantly established all over the
country, and from $4,000 20 $jo,0o0 cash mus: be
paid before the right - establish one Is gwen.
Az .essi $4,000 has teen paid 4 this way by she
twenty odd branches already started Dr..
hee.ey employs ten physicians az Dwight, and &
LIBERAL estimate OF tGe.r aggregate salary would
DC $1,000 per AnauU- The remaining expea ses
CT that institute ara uot more than $500 an
nu9lly. 50 that Yen see the Kelley institute
makes above al expenses something like Sl,l1S.-
Co yesr, s1d l Will wager that il IS further
above s. ,y'V,A0 than thai"
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-24

will fit into the interstices between the
large pieces and the whole will form
solid mass. But when all the pieces are
OF the same size, they cannot ut together.
They will not be crowded down by the
roller so as to form q solid body. The
consequence is that when they come TO be
used, the weight OF teams turns these
small pieces upon each other until their
corners are worn off and they admit the
water freely. This spoils the surface and
the result is very bad road. Pieces of
different sizes will pack together until
they become about as compact as the
original structure of the rock. The road
bed will act as q roof, repelling both rain
and snow. II will be a perfect door. also.
for the use Of teams. Stones which are
laid irreguiariy upon the earth will sink
into il Of their own weight, without any
other action. If clay held be covered
with stones. they will about all disappear
in the course of a few years. They tend
constantly 70 sink in. So such stones are
not good foundation for roadbed. They
permit the clay which is beneath to work
upward into the substance of the road"
Mr.. oicott's method of road making
when there was no other way than TO build
upon soft clay, was as follows:
There was a wide bed in the center for teams
II sloped 10 each side in order that the water
might not accumulate. At the side of this bed
was depression for the drainage and beyond
this on eaca side another similarly con-
structcd bed Tor sidewalks. These might be
built or not, according TO the nature of the
country. Directly under the middle of the bed
for teams was d drain, aud al still lower level,
aud under the side surface drains, was an under
ground DRAIN one al each side, for the sake of
keeping the central surface perfectly dry.
Under the entire structure was a bed OF sand or
gravel, and upon this was built the stronger bed
for the superstructure upon which was 10 come
the teaming and foot passing.
The wrong way TO build such a road was
to place great stones at the bottom of
superstructures. SO that they would sink
into the mud This would cause the sur
face of the road to sink, and then there
would be the most unscientiiic patching to
keep the road in order. He displayed
pictures of big stones at the foundation of
a roadbed sinking into the mud because
WY ia" NOV DOSh PAopSAAy PuS Az poSi-
ton, and because the road was made 80
that it admitted water freely, and thus
permitted the frost to throw everything
out of place by its action.
Macadam, who improved 10000 miles of
country road in England, reyoiutionized
internal communication throughout that
country, but he never advocated or prac-
ticed that modern doctrine for whose sup
port he is cited, of porosity in the road,
nor of putting in material to bind the
roadbed togetiI-". He had the stone
broken into uneven sizes, and so made
far better roads than the country had ever
known before.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-24

The new system of macadamized roads
has borne excellent fruit TO the people of
Union and Essex counties, New Jersey !;
In Orange, n. j.; in Parke county, Indi-
ana; in some of the towns of MasSa-
chusetts. Rhode Island and Connecticut.
and in one or two isolated eases in the
state of New York. In evidence OF the
APPENDED development OF trade the in-
crease of land values and population and
the contented and prosperous condition Of
the people, Charles c. Mcbride, a resident
of Elizabeth writing of the improved
roads in Union county. New Jersey. says
The total outlay OF the board of freeholders
has been nearly $50 Geo. aud there are aow
nearly forty miles of ,ellord aud macadam road
~ the county. Tho property in Union county
has actually appreciated Ia value Tar more than
che cost of the roads; and this not only ia cases
Of sale or exchange, but upoA :he tax levy.
Notwithstanding the fact that s5Q3.ol0 worth
OF county bonds have been issued e. build these
roads. and the interest must bc met annually,
the tRx-raie has not been increased ia the
county, or in any city in the county IN canse-
ouence OF the extra interest expense; and 10 Is
bu; lair TO say that che actual appreciation Of
property due to the increased values o, lands
benefited by the improved roads meets the III
creased taxes already, And none OF oar roads
has been completed FOR more than a year. " hile
some parts of them only within the pres at
mouth. As an advertising medium alone they
have bean worta what they cost; Tor they have
brought county property into envisble promi-
nence, have already caused the sale Of many
residential sites. have brought new wealth and
new enterprise in the midst of us, have gwen iii.
rect impetus 90 building And Improvements n
every CITY and town touched by them.
The Massachusetts State Board Of Agri-
eu,ture was addressed on the Sd inst by
IB. Olcott, of South Manchester. Conn.
an the subject Of Country Roads" who,
IN illustration OF the current ignorance Of
Abe art of good road making, cited the
r,d;cuIous experience Of San Francisco in
t.vinr wooden pavement Of soft wood in a
Arv time. which, when the rainy season
came swelled and made the streets SO
.,,cb ont of shape that even cats could
10, xalk over them comfortably. Mr..
oloott nointed out the best roads must be
made of pulverired rock Of different sizes,
-h;ch forms a solid substance that cannot
he broken up by frost nor sot'ened by
~a,sr His central idea OF reform Is that
the BODY of the rosdbed must he per-
,o.,,v solid. that il must be so hard tha.
a will turn OF the water and 50 will
NOT be thrown out of positie-F by the
freezing 10 which II is 81 >Ssed m winter
nor by the grind ~ "ues,s'
Broken stone forS should e0
Of different sig r haH stone