The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-02-24
HERE And THERE
Views of Wax Works on Differ
ent Subjects.
REPORTERS AND sHoDDYITEs
A Clergyman and His Parishioner-Hold-U Ups
and the Judge-Duties Of Society
to the Press.

A Clergyman and His Parishioner-Hold Ups
and the Judge-Duties Of Society
to the Press.
have it from a member of the local bar,
whose word is as good as his bond-though
no one has as yet been able to realize on the
latter-that the young villain of twenty
three who assaulted the old lady of seventy
seven is going to set up as a legitimate de-
Tense that he was melted to commit the act
by reading the "Heard Under Bed" COL
umn in Mondays Tribune.
Colonel Murray is very fond of telling a
story to illustrate point. A number of
gentlemen were talking of the fate of the
passengers on the snow bound trains when
the colonel trumped up the rather anti
quated explanation given by negro of the
difference between mans chances on a
railway collision and steamboat explo-
sion. ''You see here am de differants ::
When IL on de railway smash-up dere IL :;
but when liz on de steamboat blow-up,
where IL IL"
One of the most interesting of Salt
Lakes little men is Judge Colborn, who is
about the height of Chief Justice Fuller. A
good joke is told of the Judge. 1t was dur
ing the summer months, when hold-ups
were OF nightly occurrence. The Judge,
prior to gong down town, secured his re-
volver and was fumbling with the cham
bers to brighten his courageous little wife
into an admiration of her hero.
what are you going to do with itin
asked the good wife, pointing to the deadly
Weapon.
'Men are being held up every night, and
blame me if l won't be ready for the
DEVILS" replied the Judge in desperate par
lance, with chivalrous aspect
Better not take it, judge" pleaded the
good wife.
why not9" demanded the Judge
"They'n only get that much MORE" said
the wife, looking straight at her husband,
who stood stark still, having lost all power
of speech.
ESpeaking of hold-ups calls to nv mind
good one that happened to local clergy
man. He was walking down Brigham
street when he espied man back of tree.
Come out from behind that tree; 1
know what you're up to; come right out or
Pl cal an oficer!' said the clergyman,
with great courage and determination.
After he had marched the man ahead of
him for several blocks at the end of re-
velver, the good pastor discovered that the
foot-pad was one of his parishioners.
It is not often that society falls out with
its critics, or that its critics fall out with
It, There is seldom good cause for a
runcture between the fine ladies and super
hne gentlemen who make up the society
cliques and the reporters of the daily news
papers-at least for getting into each
others hair with thsir sweet little hands.
Society is treated with the same Consider
alton that is accorded to man in the post
mortem state-nothing but good can be
said of it.
Should a society reporter write what she
sees and hears how these cicerons of fash
ion would quail and creep.
The reporter may see Mrs. Commerce in
gown that bears unmistakable evidence
of being genuine antiquity and Miss Com
merce may create genuine sensation in a
dress greatly resembling the patterns of
wall paper that prevailed twenty years
ago, but the critic must not notice these
Mrs. Limekiln's washed out" complexion
was toned up until she looked as if apo
pleXy had set in and all her blood was in
her face; If the reporter would dare to hint
that Mrs. Limekiln had tackled the rouge
pot when it was red and looked "tough.n
there would be some cause for tilt be-
tween society and its critic. The reporter
can only say that Mrs. Limekiln looked
stunning and allow the readers to infer
what that term means when applied to
raw-beef-steak complexioned woman who
looked Tor all the world like Tom Fatters.
the butcher who killed steers ahead of the
needs of his customers for the pleasure of
drinking hot blood.
Should Miss Stuckup appear pretty and
pouty without the least suggestion of what
the French society style the ''je ne sails
quoi," graces, would my society critic dare
TO say so. Not much. She would saw no
mora for Miss Stuckup than Miss Stuckup
said for herself and she would stop right
there as all women are not presumed to be
charming. Indeed not one woman in fifty
is that.
And how tenderly the buds must be
treated. If they are ''shoved'' into society
with flavor of having been taken out of
the society critic dare mention it? Not
much.
Mrs. SkinflinG's arms may be skinny and
Of the color of sausage; she may obtrude
them in a sleeveless dress to the ANNOYANCE
OF the entire centillum, but the society
critic cannot call her to time, but the poor
lady must be allowed to jab society's eve
out for numberless years to come.
-.
Many freaks make their way into society
that were intended for Wonderland, but it
Is not the business of society reporters to
relegate people to their proper places, but
TO accept tnat IN the struggle Tor the sur
vlval OF the fttest the fttest got up
highest
49,
Sould Miss Snowfall expose a very
opaque shade under her arms when dane |
ing with Mr.. Tallbones it would not do tn
carry the eclipse into the newspapers and
cast a shadow on the brilliancy of the oc- |
casion.
~
And how a paragraph like this would !
raise the wind: 1.-THE time honored and |
worthy custom of full dress at balls has be- |
come passe and Ewes daughters venture on |
the floor with impunity in waking COS
TUNES and shabby ones at that
-
But the society critic makes no such |
"bad breaks" as the above. She sees the
shabby gentility and hollow insincerity of
fashionable society but she must not give
it away. Miss Smythe's airs may be shock
ing, Lieutenant Noddlekins' manners de-
testable, but the society critic must set her
integrity aside and say that Miss Smythe
was lovely and Lord sNoddlekins ,stoo
sweet" and everything the SWEETEST of the
season. Society thy name is -.