The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1891-02-22

tried to run away from it; tried to hood
wink myself, cheat myself, play the ostrich
and stick MY head in the sand. I'd go to
work in the morning saying, Nonsense,
it's all right. Work away at 1t and finish
it. But then, Just as surely as night came
round, that feeling would begin to creep.
creep, creep over me that in real truth it
was wrong, somehow radically wrong.
Then | began to fuss over it, twist it about,
alter it; but that only made it worse. The
fault of the thing was fundamental, essen
tlal intrinsic; no amount of alteration could
make it right. had begun it wrong; from
the wrong direction, the wrong point of
view, and in the wrong spirit. So the
trouble wasn't here nor theren nor anywhere.
1t was everywhere from the bottom to the
top; it leaVened the whole lump. The only
possible way of making it right was to take
the thing down and begin it over again. But
that was what | hadn't the courage to
do. I'd spent mighty near two years at il.
and | wasn't brave enough, | wasn't arts {
enough to face the thought of losing the re-
suit of two years work. Wen, so l went
on, trying to Stitle my feeling about it, and
trying to bring the business to some sort of
n conclusion. | tell you, I've suffered the
agonieS of the damned. That's why I've
kept away from you fellows. I've felt too
Internally wretched. I've had no heart for
company. Well, now it's finished; and to-
morrow come the plaster-casters. And no W
] can't hOOdwink myself any longer. The
kindly scales have fallen from my eyes.
It's a CHASTITY failure; it's insneere. I'd
rather be drawn and QuarteFed than let the
thing go forth as my work"
Wen, my dear fellow, if you feel as you
do, ana if you're right-which l dOubt-the
only step for you to take is to do another
figure. II yOu can't whip this one into
shape by altering it, you'll have to do an
other"
Yes" he said, that's all very we'll;
but my time is up. The contract requires
that IL shall be delivered in bronze on the
10Th Of April. Here it is the middle of jan
uary now"
''Oh. but that could be easily arranged.
Write to the committee and ask for an ex-
tension of time"
Don't you suppose I've done that al
ready? But the committee Do you
know the sort of people the committee is
composed Of? Stockholders, merchants,
lawyers, politicians; men who think they
know everything. | did write to them. [
told them | wasn't satisfied with what I'd
done, and | asked for years extension.
What do you suppose they answered? They
came up to the studio in a body, only
three days ago, to inspect the thing; and,
blockheads that they are, they were de-
lighted with it. Extension of time? No.
indeed! 1t was perfect, superb, stunning,
even elegant. What action! And what a
likenessi L might be as dissatisfied as l
pleased; very proper and becoming mod
esty. But they were overioyed; and that
was the important thing They wouldn't
hear of an extension of time. 1t must 60
up at once and be unveiled on Decoration
day"
Well" said /. probably your commit
teemen were right after all. Probably it is
good, and you're mistaken. l can't believe
it's as bad as you say, because, as | told
you when | saw it, really did think it an
immense success"
Il don't care what you thought l don't
cor hot nxyhn frl-
court of appeal in such matters has got to be
his own inner feeling, his own artistic con-
science. My inner feeling has spoken !;
judgment has been handed down; the case