The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-01-23
puNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

wife has gone into the kitchen for d
second. IN. Y. Sun.
Somebody claims that Strawberries
and corncobs contain about the same
elements. Some folks will claim any
thing-Ram's Horn.
Lummix-"Why did you kick that
man. Skimgullet?" Skimgullet -" iie
told me an untruth, and my sole revolted
at the Iie."-Demorest' Monthly.
-I,tilitv.>- Dealer These carpets
can't be beat, num-" Customer -
.Huh. Catch me buying carpets that
can't be beat. What dye 'spose | keep
n husban' for. food News.
Mrs. Observation-Disclosures your hus-
band?" Mrs. Athone-"Down cellar,
inoculating the gas meter. He says its
consumption of gas is something awful"
Boston Traveller.
His Employer-"I eau only say, Mr..
Jones, you have acted like donkey in
this matter. but You mustn't forget,
sir. that acted as your representatives.
Philadelphia Times.
The ReasOn.-Peeler (befOrc doors
of wrecked bank)-''What are you loaf
ers collecting here for?" The Peeled
OO@-O~>
inside IN. Y. Sun.
$50 YOU are looking for an honest
man." said friend of Diogenes to him.
eyes. sir" How will you recognize
one when you see him?" He will re-
turn a borrowed lead-pencl. WASH
ington Post.
That Will Quiet Them.-Clcrk-
"Here's another statement from lnkwelt
& Co. Shall pay it?" Principal-'No.
Tell Valise to place another order--a
large one-with them. American Sta
toner.
Customer purchasing fountain
pen)-'What's this it is wrapped up in?'
Clerk-''That. sir, is tract Read it
and it may counteract the terrible effect
on you caused by swearing at the pen.
Boston Traveller.
(which side do you lie on?" asked
the physician in attendance on an editor
who was very i'll. Neither" replied
the editor, rallying at ence; my paper
is published on strict upright princi-
pies. Washington Post
Mrs. Watts-"For all the smart talk
: about womens curiosity, the men are
lust as bad Mrs. Potts-'Yes, indeed.
He never gives me dollar without
wanting to know all about what | in
tend to do with it.-Indianapolis Jour
nal.
-Jacl-''Why are you looking so
sad?" Toni saw Maud throwing
sly glances at Harry tonight" Jack
; Cheer up 1t was doubtless for You she
meant them, though Harry got them,
Women never can throw straight. you
j.. know. -Harper's Bazaar.
"A Frcak.-Mrs. Allow do you
like our new neighbour" Mrs. B.-"I
never met such an ignorant woman as
: she is. She can't talk about any thing
: but paintings, books and music. She
$ doesn't know word of gossip about
Observation-Disclosures
; Some Nice Enthusiastically are
Il getting to be quite poet, Mr.. Middle
= mere. l notice some very nice pieces of
= yours in the paper" He with IRONY
YES. the printer seems to think they
look better that way. | assure you |
write them'complete, however. "-Ameri-
can Grocer.
but, Your Honor SAID the pris-
= oner. six months for me? Remember,
i
lature and once ran for Councils. -
= That may be. But you should have
; spoken sooner, can not increase your
sentence now. '-Philadelphia Times.
n Strange American Names.
t. A census-taker recently stumbled over
i the name of man living near New
II York City which turned out to lie
o., ~, TJn h.,l -
% enjoyed smile at it's foreign aspect and
:. queer sound when he learned, to his
" surprise. that its bearer was a native
a American, and that his father before
e him was also born under the star-Span.
D gled banner. The census-taker chuckled
is over his discovery, and told of it again
e and again. In time an interested indi
j. vidual determined to make further re-
l. search in the line of inquiry thus sag
geSted. He took a directory, set to tC
work on it. and got up a list of Il score
OF those Germanic, Scandinavian and
n hungarian names that are most difficult
of pronunciation by New Workers OF
IS Yankees unfamiliar with them. lie was
N amazed to find, after much inquiry. that
L the bearers of more than half of then
l. birth in the land of the free. He found
"a moreover that the fathers of several OF
le them, and the grandsires of two of them
IT We're children OF our soil, who had fought
d under the Stars end Stripes in the wal
g for the Union.-San Francisco Argonaut
. lie Received the Notice.
"a He strobe into the sanctum with the
A. tragic air of a man who is determine
a that some other fellow shall get the
~ worst of it. He thumped with his
W clenched fist on the table and danced
h around on the floor, and shouted till his
m face grew red, and demanded to know
: by his right as an old subscriber, why the
m entertainment given by his singing soci
e. ETY. had been ignored-yes, ignobly, ig
ut norantly and ignoniniously ignored.
Ii. The man at the desk patiently heart
a him through, and when the plaintiff
al had stopped to fan himself and catch
rs his breath asked with icy calmness:
S. ''What do you mean by 'ignored?'
" ''Tou hadn't line in your dumfu
10 gled paper this morning about it-ant
Is,.., Al. E.