The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-04-09
M'SWAT'S EXPERIMENT.
His Ingenious scheme for Reducing HOUSE
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M'SWAT'S EXPERIMENT..
His Ingenious scheme for Reducing House,
hold Expenses.
Mr.. McSwat went home one afternoon
a few weeks ago with something
wrapped up in a brown paper. lie laid
it on the kitchen table, but kept his
hand on it. as if it were mystery too
momentous to be unfolded without taxi
ing precautions against inficting upon
the sensitive nervous system Of Mrs
McSwat sudden and unexpected
shock.
''Well. Billiger, what is it?''
Don't be in a hurry, Lobclia. All in
good time. ! have made up my mind to
try a little experiment. / can hardly.
call it an experiment, though. It is
such an obvious. practical thingsthat it's,
a wonder to me it hasn't been done for,
you, Lobeiia, how tn save money and
add to the comforts of life"
Mr. McSwat then proceeded with
great deliberation to open the package,
He took off the string, rolled it up into
little coil, and gave it to Mrs. Nc
Swat. i
Its good idea, Lobelia, he said,
Ito save every piece of string that
comes into the house. You may need it
some time"
She had bag full of similar coils
laid away somewhere, tangled into an
inextricable mass and running over at
the top, and had no use under the
shining sun for another inch of string,
but she promised to take care of this
particular wad. Meanwhile Mr.. McSwat
was slowly unrolling the bundle. He
brought to view at last beef's tongue.
There it is, Lobelia," he exclaimed.
81 don't see anything remarkable
about it, Billiger, except that it isn't
smoked"
That's just the point, madam" he
retorted. 1--WE got tired of paying
sixty cents apiece for smoked tongues
that look like section of a dried mon
keys forearm and taste as if they had
been dug up out of an Indian mound.
I'm going to smoke my own beef
tongues hereafter"
but how are you going to do it? We
haven't any smoke-house."
Just you wait minute and you'll
see? Bring me an iron poker"
Mrs. McSwat hunted up the desired
implement and brought it to him.
Now observe"
He thrust the poker about half its
length through the slit in the smaller
end OF the tongue.
''Now come on, Lobelia.'
He preceded her upstairs, opened a
back window, stepped out on the
kitchen roof and made his way up by
laborious climbing to the comb, and
thence along to the chimney at the
farther end. Lifting himself carefully
up he placed the poker across the top of
the chimney, the beef-tongue hanging
down inside.
That's the scheme, Lobelia,' he
said, clambering back to the window.
''It'll smoke the thing all right and save
just forty cents Catch me buying
smoked tongues any morer'
but there's no smoke coming up that
chimney, Billiger," said his wife. I'VE
burn hard coal. you know"
''I'll fix that. Well throw in slab
occasionally, and if that doesn't make
smoke enough we'll burn little soft
coal. They're both cheaper than hard
coal"
They went downstairs, and for the
next twenty-four hours or longer, in
compliance with instructions from Bill
iger, Mrs. McSwat and the amiable do
nestle, Ophelia. piled the kitchen range
literally with slabs of wood and chunks
of soft coal.
On the morning of the second day
after Mr.. McSwat had put in operation
his grand scheme for saving money and
adding to the comfort of living he
climbed out to the chimney again. lifted
the tongue out and brought it down.
stairs.
mo discount on this job, Lobelia,"
he said, holding it up. ''It's smoked till
you can't rest. Ever see finer looking
tongue than that?"
Billiger?" inquired Mrs. McSwat, dubi-
ously.
"A smoked tongue always looks shriv-
eled. All you need to do now is to
scrape it off nicely, peel off the skin,
and cook it."
Mrs. McSwat pulled the tongue of
the poker, laid it down on the table
nd it broke in two
1t was covered with thick deposit Of
SCOT, was charred almost to the center.
and from its steaming interior came a
rich odor in which several distinct kinds
of smoke were clearly perceptible.
ut won't need any more cooking,
Billiger," announced Mrs. McSwat, after
brief examination.
In the center of the thickest portion
there was about an ounce and half of
flesh that had escaped the general des-
truction in which the rest of the tongue
had been involved How Mrs. McSwat
carefully scooped this out, served it up
for Billiger's dinner as temptingly a.
the nature of the case would admit and
hung over him like an angel of mercy
while he ate it-how Billiger McSwat
made mental computation as to the
saving he had effected in smoking his
own beef tongue, without counting two
large rents in the inner periphery of
each trousers leg caused by single
nails on the rocf-how he reflected on
the comforts he had added to life by his
little experiment, it is not the purpose
of this chronicle to relate, but trust
worthy information received at this
Office quite recently is to the effect that
Mr.. McSwat buys his smoked tongues
now and pays without a murmur what
ever the monopolist behind the meat
counter chooses to ask him.-Chicago
Tribune.
The Swiss Guards Mistake.
disappearing is allowed during car
nival time in certain Italian towns be-
tween sunset and sunrise. but not during
business hours of the day. Cardinal
Mazella being lately at Pisa, and having