Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-08-09
NICE TO BE A CRITIC.
But Bill Nye Finds Man Who Mis-
takes Collie for Genius
HE Inflated RUDYARD KIPIINa.
He Browsed on Canvasback Duck and Euch
Like Delicacies
IND THEN HE ROASTED HIS HOSTS
rwarrrEN FOR THE prsrarcn.I

WRITTEN FOR THE prsPArcH.I
Last month another hollow Engffshman
having filed himself full of American hos
pitality and groceries, crossed the moaning
sea, and after having taken the long, wet
trail for home, he sat down and wrote q
piece for magazine, which, it is safe to
say, was in very bad taste. But we like
fair play in America, and so it was read
here by several people. The stray En-
glishman with dyspepsia, born no doubt
of former long and unavoid-
able but involuntary abstinence from food
and the sudden hospitality Of his i'll ad-
vised hosts, wrote what he evidently
deemed a scath1ng criticism Of certain
social aspects of American life, drew his
pay for 1t and disappeared
His name was Hamilton Aide.
He says among other things thsa the
'1ove of privacy, SO prominent feature In
the English character, Is unknown here,
the privilege of exclusion 50 rigidly en-
forced in the walls and fences of our
gardens, the closed doors of our withdraw
ing rooms, on the first floor, Is rarely en-
forced mere" But it is going to be, Mr.
Aide. We are going to be more particular
In the future. We are getting acquainted
with your methods, and we shall be more
careful in the years to come.
THE ECHO OF HIS BRAY
n your nobility cannot play fair game
of cards of an evening or overcome the per-
nicious correspondent complaint, what may
we expect of one who is not noble at ali,
and who visits in our country only what is
free, and who then imagines he is familiar
with American society?
do not know Mr.. Aide very WELL but 1t
has been my misfortune to cross his plague
stricken trail once or twice to gnaw at the
closely cropped herbage among the hills
where yet still fingered the echo of his bray.
Judging by the sentiment expressed by
the low, coarse innkeepers along the chicken
feather trimmed orbit through which he
passed, it will be money in his pocket if
he will not come that way any more If he
should there are intimations that o good
recipe for removing egg stains from wear
ing apparel will be great convenience to
him on his steamer ride home. Mr.. Aide
whose signature shows that he neglected to
put up his fly screens until too late in the
season, says that manners among servants
of both sexes are peculiar, as, indeed, they
are in all the lower orders (if one may be
allowed such an expression about Ameri-
cans(."
HE TOOK IN THE SERvANTA
Judging from Mr.. Aides familiarity with
American society, the article he has writ
ten should have been entitled, "Some As
poets of Life Among American Servants"
Then this gentle criticism of mine would
have been unnecessary and unwritten.
sDinners," he says, 'as rule, in private
houses, are less good and less well served
than I expected to find them" You will
notice a great falling off even from this,
Hamilton, IF you will come back here next
season. There will be very noticeable
flavor of pounded glass in your pie, and
every bed-quilt in our broad and beautiful
land will contain a little checkered sample
of your loud and vociferous panties pried
from the unwilling jaws Of the household
HSome of the dishes are excellent, but"
he adds, as he dips his trenchant pen in the
bluing bottle at his cosy little hall bedroom
in Whitechapel street, ''the prevalent taste
for uncooking a canvasback duck generally
renders that admirable bird forbidden
fruit to me-" But that is not what renders
it "a forbidden fruit to him at home. The
reason he does not keep his fabby being
continually upholstered with canvasback
duck at home is probably the same one that
prompted him to have his wine and the
blacking of his boots charged to Mrs. Stan
ley at San Jose, Cal, in the spring of the
present year of our Lord and Of the freedom
of the United States from the rule of Great
Britain the one hundredth and fifteenth
MRS. STANLEY PAID THE FREIGHT.
Mr.. Aide accompanied Mrs. Stanley, Mrs.
Tennant and Captain Jephson to San Jose,
where he registered as "Mrs- Stanley and
party" They stopped at the Vendome,
frst-class, tip-top hotel, which had pre-
served blameless reputation up to that
time Mr.. Aide the new Rudyard Kipling,
who will doubtless lecture here by and by,
was asked to register for the party, which
he would have done if he had ever travelled