Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-01-24
DEACON VS.. PARSON.

ne REV. JOSIAH franklin SGuinteye haf
only accepted the passionate of the Porcu
pine Hollow charge three months previous
to the time of which We write, yet durins
this time the parson had made great host
OF frlends-especially is this assertion true
SO far as the female portion of his floci
was concerned
1t Is a well established fact that the PEG
pie of Porcupine Hollow believe and prac-
tice the doctrine of marrying and multi
plying the inhabitants of Arkansas in the
fullest sense OF the term, and if a mans
wife dies he has another selected to lake
her place by his freSide before his late
lamented gets cold, so that accounts for
the scarcity of widows and widoWers i'm
that region.
As before intimated, the parson was cut
ting big Swath among the marriapeabJe
women OF his charge In some rnanpe1.
the intelligence preceded him that he WAS
bachelor, and the fair members of his
flock formulated a series of resolutions
each in her own mind, to outrival her sis
tiers. Every art known to the feminine
mind was brought into requisition. and
for two months it would have been ex-
tremely difficult to conjecture who would
gain the ultimate victory
AlttT S"U mouths n3u EOWn by raDlI
wings, however, the parsons heart lay at
the feet of an unpretentious but loyable
damsel, and for the next month his atten
lions were given to her exclusively. THAI
fact had caused many of the good sisters
to grow green with envy, because one OF
their more modest number had won 50
much attention from the parson, while
they were left at the mercy of the few
allOihlp in ba M, ;oi
Outside of this there had been nothing
to mar the frauernaI harmony of the par
ish, nor had anything of an exciting CHAR.
acter happened since the parsons advent
On Saturday evening, however, Deacon
Derby sent for the parson to visit his wife
who was then wading out into the chilly
waters of death, and she passed over the
divide in few minutes after the arrival
of tie parson
The parson tried to console the deacon
on the ground that this loss was his wife's
gain, and spake in very fiattering terms OF
the departed, to which the deacon replied:
"4a-as, Sindy wuz er mighty dootifu
wife, an wuz er mos powerful hard wurk
er, an only las week she hoed ther ter
hacker down in Their bottom field, cut ther
sprouts outen the moo groun' corn on ther
ridge, toted er sack er corn ter mill, cleared
Their brush often that air acre lot down
thar by Their crick fer er turnip patch. an
made two hundred rails after dom ther
housewurk, an yit We hev' Their gall to say
at orter to be consigned an not com plain
ner grumble ner nothin', wen Their hahn
er womarD in Porcupine Holler at 'uld do
nigh Their wurk 'at she'd do"
"Oh," said the parson, Il know it would
he hard to find her equal, and realize THAI
you will miss her very much, but her loL
here was full of labor, and now that she il
at rest you should look forward to the time
when you will meet again"
a-as, mebbe that air so, but it do pear
purity rotten bad at she he'd ter up an die
Jes al ther very busiest part O. the YER
an it'll take nigh fifty pounds o. nv las
yer's terbacker crap ter put Ter erway. an
then thar'll be ther terbacker ter sucker'n
worm ergin mex week, an I'm Cied sartin
ter hefter do it myself"
Eyes, but grumbling will do no good
now, my dear brother, and then YOUR wife
was faithful Christian, and has gone tn
that blissful cline where the weary are AZ
rest, and therefore we should be glad even
in our sorrow for her blessed hone of n
bright future"
THAT pears ter he all ye preacher fellers
think erbout, but ye never onct think @
ther expense wat er man is put ter wen his
wife draps off. I've had four wives aside
Sindy, an wen they upt an died he'd te r
bury 'em, an its cost me ernuff ter keep
me in terbacker'n Ticker fer four year te :
put 'em erway un'er ther daisies, but es ye
say, guess it's no use ter argy emmy longer
erbout it. Thar's some nice walnut plank
GOWN thar in ther boss shed at he'd sorte
sot my mind ter use fer er terbacker box
at we kin make her coffin outen, an ef
ye'lI be erbleegin' ernuff ter ak old Dan
Skinner ter come over an help me make
Their coffin I'll be erbleeged ter ye."
81 will do so," said the parson, "but
when will the funeral take placer"
''Termorry, o. cos"
The funeral was largely attended, and
being the first at which the parson hal
officiated in the parish he delivered an elo-
quent Grafton
The next day half dozen men were
seated on log in front of the store, and
the conversation naturally drifted to the
late bereavement of the deacon, and one
finally said:
"Wonder who ther deacon II hitch onter
next9"
HE tole me vile we wuz maxim ther
coffin" said Skinner, "'at he had sot hi !
eye on Lindy Wells"
"Goshimighty, exclaimed Tom Jump
er, ''but Their parsons got 'er solid enuff. -
ether parson hes bin er sottin' ter Lindy
shore huff, but I've er mind ter bet er plug
err moo priced terbacker at Their deacon
knocks his eye out 18th Indy less'n e.
week." rejoined Skinner.
'I'Il go ye," said Jumper.
Say, who's that er comm down yam.
der?" asked one, pointing toward the fur :
Their side of the little stream.
Its ther deacon, bedad," said Squire
Munger.
Hello, Deacon" said Skinner, as he ap-
preached the crowd.
'Kin'er blue terday," said the deacon,
down.