The morning call., 1891-07-10
BORN TO TROUBLE.
Why ]. Egbert O'Hough Wishes
He Had Been a Girl.

"Please excuse these tears" said j. Eg-
bert O'Hough as he mopped his dripping
features, flor the circumstance Of my
unfortunate birth is enough to make one
weep"
Then j. Egbert O'Hough stood up in the
middle of his cell at the City Prison last
night. and with his streaming eyes raised to
heaven he walled from the depths of his
bursting heart:
"Oh, why wasn't born girl ?"..
Mr. OHough. young man scarcely
turned %, had been thrown in late in the
evening for common drunk. He was a
pale, intellectual-looking youth, whose slen-
four and a half pounds of bronze metal
badges Of the sons Of this and the sons Of
that arunnd on his hollow chest
rms son business makes me tired" re-
marked the unhappy youth as he peered out
through the bars during a lull in his grief.
travelling on the doubtful .gories of ones
departed dad Is we'll enough in Its way If a
fellow doesn't run it into the ground" he
continued. ''and that's what ails me-:
In the first place my parents were away
from home when l was born. They hap
pened to be in California at the time, aud of
course that makes me Native Son of the
Golden West. and got into one of the par
lors. Now, while l am justly proud of my
native State, yet at the same time do not
expect man BON in Hoboken or Kalamazoo
to apologize for matter in which his
parents are alone to blame. No, sir; there's
none of the stuck up business about me-
NV great-grandfathe fought under
Washington. and this fact gave me entree
into the Sons of Revolutionary Sires. See?
Father Was born in this country, and that
fact made me eligible to the Patriotic Sons
of America, SO / went to work and Joined
haf a yrDS atS SnII t,,t he pfn D.
Delllon, and, OF course, l got roped III on the
Sons of Veterans.
Shortly after the war father joined the
Volunteer Fire Department. and stuck to it
long enough for his only son to win eternal
fame as Son of Exempts. one of which 1
now am. Then. about eight months ago
became S. 0. T. That means Son of Tenn
present"
J. Egbert smiled jubilee sort of smile as
he said this, but one could see that he was
in no humor for joking.
Time went on, and I soon became con-
frmed son OF something or other. All my
spare moments were devoted to fratarnal
interests, and had but little time for any
thing else. My mother was of English
descent, and she induced me to join the
Sons of st. George. which gives an indi-
gestible johnny Bull dinner to members
about every. three weeks. Then in an evil
moment l fell in with the Sons of Malta,
after which l said l would swear off on
Sons.
II thought l had reached the end at
last, but yesterday some fellows called and
said they were organizing the Sons of
Drunken Sires over on the other side of
Market street and proposed TO rope me in
MS charter member.
THAT settled it. grew desperate, took
TO strong drink and here 1 am. If ever
get out I'll fly TO some foreign land and there
begin life anew as au orphan, who never
knew or heard of his parents"
Having delivered himself of this awful
threat, j. Egbert O'Hough curled himself
down on narrow wooden bench to dream
Of sons and of badges that weighed seven
teen pounds.