Tombstone epitaph., 1891-01-04
A VENDING BUREAU,
WHERE THE BATTERED AND TORA
 MAY LIE UP~fOR REPAIRS.

You will readily guess what Q mendina
 bureau is It is place where the tat
 tered and torn may lay up for repairs,
 where the elusive button may be fastened
 in its socket so tight that it stays there
 for the rest of his natural life, where he
 that hath a torn lining to his over
 coat may have @ new lining put in it's
 place or the old one brought to proper
 frame of mind, where rip in the coat
 sleeve may be doctored in genuinely scien-
 tific style, where the right sort of treat
 ment is administered to all sorts and con-
 ditions of dilapidated garments.
 A reporter stood in front of big jew
 elry store, wondering if there really were
 "great reductions in watches and dia-
 monds," when he encountered an &C.,
 quaintance of erstwhile seedy but present
 dapper appearance.
 ''I've just been to the mending bureau, {" said this worthy, ''and feel like new
 man. The lining of my coat had slipped
 It's moorings, and every time put on the
 coat l swore new and attractive oaths
 There was fringe on my trouser legs. My cuffs were pinned on. My pants were supported only by 8 shoe string and a piece of clothes line. Suspender buttons
 had none. There were only two buttons on my vest, and kept it on with bent hairpin. If had sneezed hard should have stood pantless and forlorn before a gaping, jibing world.
 OFFICIATING GOOD ANGELS.
 "While in this sorry plight found this morning circular of the mending bureau. It was sent to me by some special dispen- sation of pitying providence. went to the mending bureau and stayed twenty minutes. They did not repair me com pletely, for am modest man, and the officiating angels are all of the gentler sex, but my coat lining is in state of perfec- tfon that fills me with admiration. My cuffs are now properly attached to their buttons. My vest displays goodly array of buttons upon it's facade. am going home, where shall go to bed and send boy down to the mending bureau with those articles of apparel, the mending of which cannot well be done in my pres ence," an1 so saying the mended and happy man vanished.
 The reporter felt his external raiment all over, but failed to find anything for the mending bureau to experiment. upon. Finally he bethought him that there was but one button on the back of his Prince Albert coat. What do they have those two buttons on the back of a coat for, anyhowS The absence of one of the duo of buttons had caused the reporter much annoyance for several weeks It detracted from the symmetry of his figure, and caused him to walk lcp sided. Relief was at hand. The reporter sought the mending bureau. As yet it consists of a single good sized room, light and airy, and containing sewing machines, work tables and chairs. Two or three middle aged ladies and three or four young ladies were seated about the room, busily plying the needle. One was threading a needle, and she performed that intricate opera tion so quickly and neatly that it made the reporter envious as he recalled past struggles of his own. A tall young lady with an amused expression in her eloquent dark eyes asked the blushing reporter what he wished to have mended He re an inclination to say that his heart had suffered a compound fracture, and coyly explained that another button on his coat tails was the essential to his happiness. The young lady smiled and asked the reporter to remove his coat. Being an unmarried man, unused to feminine society, he blushed like a red, red rose; then, remembering with glad ness that he had put on his pink striped shirt in the morning, he took courage, took off his coat and accepted Q proffered chair. The other ladies kept on sewing and paid no attention to the customer.
 THE CONVENIENT BUREAU.
 There were two other customers in the hofh v,oir1I1o fc nna 1 ] button sewed on his shirt cuff, and the other had his coat up for repairs. The adies sewed rapidly, and the three con- ,racts were soon completed. The re- porter was assisted into his coat by the | all, dark eyed young lady. This alone | was worth the price of admission, and | i've cents was all that was charged for | inc replacing of the button, for which the | was given that it would stay as | ong as the coat were worn.
 "We have no regular scale of | prices as yet" said the manageress of the 'as the mending bureau las only been running a few days. It is he first institution of the kind in the vest, though there is one in New York hat has made good deal of money. We bought that there was demand for a 'ureau where the mending of underwear ould be done with neatness and dispatch. Jingle gentlemen will appreciate the con- enience of bureau where their clothes re looked after in good, homelike way. ladies who are overburdened with the ares of housekeeping will also find the urcau convenient, and we expect to have trade from people who visit he city and stop at the hotels. We in- end to make arrangements whereby for small sum paid weekly or monthly we 'ill keep wardrobes in good repair. We Il do quick work and when we sew luton on it stays there every time."
 The reporter realized fully the truth of hese statements. There are careless lortals who would quite as leave have leir garments in bad repair, but they are l the minority. The great majority will refer to have their clothes kept in order, nd if they have no women folk of their wn to do that sort of thing, the bureau ill be a full fiedged boon to them. The arning of stockings will be special ben it. The average man, who has no one do his mending, now wears 8 pair of ,cks two or three times, and then throws lem away total wrecks, rent-asunder and orn through by the disastrous processes laundries. Here at the bureau socks can } darned at low rates, and money will , saved the wearers thereby. Altogether, le bureau is an institution that merits Herald.