Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-02-05


pride
Have urged to the conquest, have cheered those
who died;
Your prayers have lit all the rough paths of de
feat.
Till glory blazed over the lines of retreat
When carnage ran reddest and woman was
All hats were uplifted as twere to queen;
Now open ranks, comrades, salute her once
more,
Untitled, unchevroned, but dear as of you're!
THE DEACON VS.. THE PARSON.
TIE Rev Josiah Franklin Squinteye
had only accepted the pastorate of the
Porcupine Hollow charge three months
previous 10 the time Of which we write,
yet during this time the parson had made
a host of friends-especially is this asser-
ton true so far as the female portion of
his flock we're concerned.
| 1t is a we'll established fact that the
people of Porcupine Hollow believe and
practice the doctrine Of marrying and mul-
tiplying the inhabitants of Arkansas in
the fullest sense Of the term, and If man s
wife dies he has another selected to take
her place by his Preside before his 'late
lamented" gets cold, so that accounts for
the scarcity of widows and widowers in
that region.
As before informed, the parson was cut
ting big dash among the manageable
women Of his charge. In some manner
the intelligence preCeued him that he was
a bachelor, and the fair members of his
flock formulated a series of resolutions,
each IN her own mind, to outrival her sis
tiers. Every art known to the feminine
mind was brought into requlsition, and
for two months it would have been ex-
treme!v difficult to conjecture who would
gain the ultimate victory.
After two months had flown by on rapid
wing, however, the parsOn's heart lay at
the feet of an unpretentious but loVeable
damSe, and for the next month his atten-
lions were given to her exclusively. That
fact has caused many of the good sisters to
| grow green wltk envy, because one of their
most modest number had won so much
attention from the parson, while they
! were left at the mercy of the few eligible
men in he matrimonial market.
Outside of this there had been nothing
to mar the fraternal harmony Of the
parish, nor had anything Of an exciting
character happened since the parson S
advent. On Saturday evening, however,
Deacon Derby sent for the parson to visit
his wife, who was then wading out into
the chilly waters of death, and she
passed over the the divide in a few
minutes after the arrival of the parsoa.
The parson tried to console the deacon
| on the ground that his loss was his wife
gain, and spoke in very fiattering term
Of the departed, to which the deacon re-
piled.
'Ya'as, Sindy waz er mighty dootiful
wife, an wuz er mos powerful HARD
wurker, an only las week she hoed the
terbaker down in Their bottom field, cut
Their sprouts outcn the moo groun' corn Oh
Their ridge, toted er sack er corn ter mill
cleaned Their brush often that air acre lot
down thar by Their crick fer er turnip
patch, an made two hundred rails arte1
doing tie housewurk, an yit We hev' thel
gall to say st | crter be consigned an
not complain ner grumble nor nothin'
| W en- Their haint er womarn in Porcupine
Holler at 'uld do nigh Their wurk at she d
do"
Oh" said the parson, 81 know il
| would be hard to find her equal and re-
alize that you will miss her very much, but
her lot here was full of labor. and now
that she is at rest you should look for
ward to the time when you will meet
again"
"Ya'ss, mebhy that air so, but it do
pear purity rotten bad at she he'd ter up
an die jes at Their very busiest part O. the
YER an it'll take nigh fifty pounds O my
las ye rs terbacker crap ter put 'er erway.
an then thar'll be Their ter barker tel
sucker n worm ergin mex week an I'm
ded sarten ter hefter do it myself,
Yes, but grumbling will do no good
now, my dear brother, and then your wife
was a faithful Christian. and has gone to
| that biSsful cline where the weary are at
rest, and therefore we should be glad even
IN orr sorrow for our blessed hope Of q
bright future"
That pears ter be all ye preacher fell
| lers think erbout, but We never onct think
0, thtr expense what er man is put ter wen
his wife draps off. I've he'd four wives
aside Sindy, an wen they upt an died
he'd ter bury EN-, an it's cost me ernufl
| ter keep me in terback n ticker fer fol1
years ter put EN- erway I'm or Their daisies
but es az We say, guess it's no use ten
argy emmy longer erbout it. Thar some
nice walnut pIanks down thar in Their hoss
she'd at | he'd sorter sot my mind ter USE
fer er terbacker box, at we kin make thel
coffin outer, an eft yell ak old Dan Spin
ner ter come over an hep me make thel
coffin, Ill be erbleeged ter ye''
Il will do So" said the parson, ''bu
when will the funeral take place."
''Termorry, O co'se."
The funeral WIS largely attended, and
being the first at which the parson hac
! otficiated in the parish, he delivered al
eloquent grafton.
The next day half dozen men were
seated on log in front of the store, ant
the conversation naturally drifted to the
late bereavement of the deacon, and ont
| finally said:
Wonder who Their deacon ii hitch ontel
nextd?
He tole me win we wuz maxim the
coffin," said Skinner, 8 at he had sot hi.
eye on Lindy Wells y
"Goshimighty!' exclaimed Tom jun
per, but tner parsons got 'er sole
euuff. "
Their parson hes bin er sottin tel
Lindy shore huff, but / We mind ter be-
err plug er moo priced ter hacker at thel
deacon knocks his eye out 18th Lindy less 1
er week, rCjoined Skinner.
IN go Sc" said Jumper.
| Say, who's that er comm down yen
der?' asked one, pointing to the further
side of the little stream.
Its Their deacon, bedad," said Squire
Munger
Hello. deacon" said Skinner, as be APP
proached the crowd.