Passaic City record., 1891-09-12

he nad slain the furious hon In Abyssinian
deserts
Had faced the royal Bengal in the jungles
Of the east
Had cut the throat of polar bears in Screen
lands icy mountains"
And disturbed hungry grizzly in the
middle Of his feast;
Hehad fought the pachydermatous rhinoc-
eros in Africa,
Had toyed with boa constructors in the
wilds of Senegal,
Had encountered the tarantula, the rattll
snake, and cougar,
But he said our blamed mosquitoes could
give pointers to them all.
--Neio York Herald.
NOT SUPPOsABLE CASE.
"No. Gubbins, you will never be a
brain worker"
"Why notG"
"Haven't got the TOOLS"
STRIKING FOR SHORTER HOURS.
Harry Slayer. you heard the
latest, Miss Flimsy2"
Miss Fiimsy-"Yes, I heard the clock
strike twelve. "-Aunsey's Weekly.
He-"I am resolved to live no longer
If you reject me. You-you-are my
lifel Speak!"
She-"Well, don't care if you take
your life, then"
FATAL yALoR.
ga tough fired at policeman yester-
day with heavy calibre revolver
ssAnd what did the policeman dot
Did he arrest the tough2"
mo. He arrested the bullet
Puck.
"Dawkins looks very pale aud anxious
to-day"
ssHe is worried. He is to have very
painful operation performed tonight.
"What's thatl"
ssHe is to have porous plaster re-
moved from his back. Epoch.
stsUFFIoIENT FOR THE DAY." ETC.
Cynical Old What makes
you grin like an idiota"
Young Happicuss-"Oh, I'm the hap
piest of mortalsl Tomorrow I get mar
ried."
Cynical-"Yes, suppose you are the
happiest man in town to-day. Teas
Sytings.
JUVENILE PREcAUTToN.
Anxious Mother-ssW in the world
did you do during that terrible thunder
storm2"
Little Dick-sI got under tree"
ssHorrors! Don't you know tree is
q most dangerous place in a thunder
storm2"
"Oh, I jumped out every time it
thundered. Good Ncus.
CHEERING HIM UP.
ssI nevah get an invitation to any Of
the Flashers' parties" said Chappie.
"Well, don't be discouraged, old fel-
low" said Cynicus, "you'il get one one
these days"
"You-aw-think soa"
"Yes. They're going to give don
key part next week and it is almost GER
tain that they will invite you"
SUCCESS.
eyes" said Mr.. Henpecked, "woman
is undoubtedly the masterpiece of crea-
tion."
"H'm!" said Mrs. H., "then you do
think there Is some good in womana"
ayes; when man was created he was
lonely and needed some one to talk to
him, and woman was created for that
purpose, and she's success"
A EyEL.HEADED PARENT.
A Yale College student, being hard
up, wrote to his father in New York:
ssSend me hundred dollars by return
mail. He who gives quickly gives
double"
The old gentleman replied by the next
mail, inclosing $50, with the rem ,rk that
as he had responded promptly, the $50
inclosed were equivalent to the desired
S100.-1enas Siftings.
JoHNNY's REQUEST.
"Johnny," said the humorous gentle
man, .sgive me your little brother. Yor
don't want him any longer, and I'll make
a man of him.
"Can you do that, mister9"
'sIndeed I can"
swell, let's see you make one out of
me, quick, before ma comesi then III
fool her, for she's gone after stout
switch, aud IL be back in minute. -
st. Louis Repu6tic.
sAvEDl
swell, but Maud" absent.
minded youth was interrupted BY the
horror-stricken girl.
"Mauda Ny name is not Maudw
The situation was desperate, yet for
tune did not desert him.