Iuka reporter. (Iuka, Miss.) 1888-1894, 1891-01-15


but don't get it. How much is yoursl
First Preacher (sadly)--Four dona-
tions; but I'm worse off than you are
! get them all Life.
AN ExHAUsTINe PLACE.
Mistress--I am at loss to understand
your motive in leaving.
Bridget-The work is too harrud,
mum, and it's worn out be entirely.
Mistress-Why, l have done most of it
myself.
Bridget-Yes, but it's worn out | be
hearing yez tell me of it, Munseys
Weekly.
THE BRUTE.
She-I learned how to cook when
was in boarding school.
he (sampling her cake)-And when
did you forget9
ENGLISH, AS SHE IS WRIT.
Mamma Johnny, what is year?
Johnny-Three hundred and sixty
five days.
Mamma What is a day2
Johnny-Twenty-four hours--and an
fiCui . SiAty DulnulES-tlull d mlQulGS
sixty seconds.
Mamma-What is an Instant
Johnny-An instant's a hole in the
ground.
Mammal hole in the ground2 Why,
how do you make that out2
Johnny-My book says ''the dog fell
down in an instant. VI Light.
TOO HAsTY,
1T breaks my heart to think of it,
"What does?'
"Old Bullion failed and l broke off
my match with his daughter"
"Well?"
'It turns out Bullion had turned over
all his property to his wife. r. Life.
AFTER MANY YEARS.
Mrs. O'Flaherity-Your sister has an.
other child, Pat.
Mr.. O'Flaherty-Is it boy or a girl2
"a Girl
'Huroo I'm an aunt at last. "-[Life.
MYSTERY EXPLAINED.
Doctor--What you need is more ex.
ercise. What business do you followG
Patient am bricklayer.
''Humph! l should thiak you would
get all the exercise you required, but
your symptoms indicate that you are of
sedentary disposition
"Well, you see, doctor, l work by the
day."
'Ah, that explains it."-[Texas sift,
ings.
SOMETHING ADDITIONAL.
"When the boarding house mistress
asked me how l liked the steak | told
her | couldn't we'll express an opinion
until saw more of it."
"What did she say to thatln
Nothing, only she gave me lot of
sauce additional"
AND HE DEPARTED.
He had fingered long, and after a
silence she remarked:
'Do you know, really believe papa
thinks you're dead"
"Whyan
because he has twice referred to YOU
as the late Mr.. Smith. - Washington
Post
Illegal. MINDED HEIR.
Dying Uncle--I intended bestowino
my property upon you while lived, but
death has cut my purpose short.
Nephew-Don't mention it, uncle. rll
gladly accept the will for the deed. =
San Francisco Examiner.
AwFULLY LONESOME.
The man who promptly pays his bills
Is lonesome;
Who never felt the poor mans chills,
Is lonesome
Who can always meet his debts.
And who never, never bets,
Who tlirts not with the girls pets.
Is lonesome, awfully lonesome.
Il Boston Herald.
SMALL MATTER.
Mrs. Observation-Disclosures Half
dozen words in your note to Mrs. Society
are misspelled.
Miss Forundrid-Oh, that don't mat.
ter She can see by the coat of arms on
our stationery that we're all right
New York Weekly.
LAMBS GIFT TO THE BURGLAR.
Lamb was awakened early one Christ.
mas morning by a noise in his kitchen,
and on going down to that department
found burglar doing his spoons up in
bundle.
why DIDO you s-s-st-t -teals' he
asked.
Because am starving" returned the
house breaker, sullenly.
gre y-you re-re-really ver-very h-h.
hung hung gug gerry hungryg" asked
Lamb.
Very" replied the burglar, turning
away.
Pup pup-poor fuf-fuffe llow!'' said
the essayist. "H- here's a l-l-leg of LII