The Portland daily press., 1891-10-08
MR.. AND MRS. BoWsER.
Lots Of Things happen, but its
Always Mrs. Bowser's Fault.
New York World

One day Mr.. Bowser brought home q
patent corkscrew, which some fakir had
sold him, and Mrs Bowser saw him drop
It into wallpocket. A week later, after
wandering around the house for half an
hour one evening, he halted before her and
said:
'I'll be hanged If don't get some chains
and padlocks and see If 1 can't have things
left where put themp
"What is it now?"
81 brought home a can opener a few
days ago and left it on bracket in the
dining room. It's gone, of course-prob
ably given away to some big, lazy tramp
It's a wonder we have thing left in this
houseln
"a can openerT
Eyes, can opener. If you never heard
of can opener Ill hire some one to write
you out a history of it. 1t was invented to
open cans"
"Why we have two or three in tn.
kitchen. Do you mean a can opener"
Il don't mean windmills or threshina
machines."
"You had it in pink paperi"
"Yes, ma'am."
at was the day the man fixed the gatei"
sit was"
NCAf saw yOu OIOP III Outtu WdA
pocket, and 1t Is corkscrew and not q
can opener"
sit is, chr Perhaps don't know hitch
ing post from the city hall, i" he growled,
as he reached for the parcel and unrolled
1t. It was corkscrew. 1t could only be
used as a corkscrew. 1t was made and sold
for a corkscrew.
"Didn't tell your" queried Mrs. Bowser.
"Tell me whati Told me it was cork
screw, and it's can opener, just as l said
1t wasl"
sits corkscrewr'
Its a can openerl"
And as long as Mr.. Bowser draws the
breath Of life he will stick to it. because be
said SO in the first place.
Like other husbands Mr.. Bowser is
greatly worried over the safety of his wal
let while around the house. He has an
idea that Mrs. Bowser would give ten years
Of her life to get that wallet in her hands
for about two minutes, and that she lies
awake a good share of every night in the
year wondering where he hid it when he
went to bed. He makes it a religious duty
70 conceal it every night and to count ovel
his funds the nrst thing IN the morning.
One morning, strange as it may seem, he
left the house without taking his wallet,
which he had hidden the night before
under the bureau. He had been gone
about an hour when there was a great
clatter on the front steps, the door few
open and he rushed into the back parlor
and stood before Mrs. Bowser.
She was so upset that she could only
family gasp;
'Mr. Bowser, is mother dead?"
Mother deadp' he yelled in reply.
"What do know about your motherl
Mrs. Browser, I've been robbedr
"Nop
"And in my own house at thatl Some
time during the night some one got out Of
bed and stole my walletp'
"Impossiblei Was it In your coatfn
"Mell, no-not exactly. For fear of bur
glars p'-
"You whati" she asked, as he hesitated
and looked confused.
He rushed up stairs, and she followed in
time TO see him pull the wallet from under
the dresser,
"Then you were not robbeda" she tartly
observed.
"N-no-not quite; not this time. But lei
this be great moral lesson to you, Mrs
Bowser, never to NEEDLE with my wallet
That's something no husband will put up
with"
IT never touched your old walletin
sand see that you never dol And don't
talk back, Mrs. Bowser. You have had q
very narrow escape, and you ought to be
thankful for it-very thankful. Some
husbands would have raised a row; but
think you understand me, and thinb
the lesson will not be lost on you."