Telegram-herald., 1891-09-06

\ ws<tsy cllix<a sf tAs Isskh ward
PaApsd Dry.

Mr. Adhered and family live on JET
fessoa Ike al other domsstic cir
eies this family has is periodical Jars
of varying intensity and Frequency
Thursday morning the breakfast pan
cakes were eoId. the eat had eaten the
bsafsteak and the ~hole family "a
down around the melaneholy remains
OF >umDer 3 maeserel and tried TO
make ont mrals Mr. Adhered's
proud stomach resolted and he would
not be satisfied with the psseatoFial
ruin set before him. He arose and
wrathfally upbrafde1 his lpnaa te,
holding her blameabie for the matu-
sinal bluff which she had announced
"a breakfast
Mrs A, Ike charity. suffers long and
II kind. but she places a limit upon
the period Of snfferanee- When Mr.
Adhered passed the limit she retoFtsd,
and a family cyclone ensned- IL ended
~ the lady taking the children and
going away for the day, whiis the lord
of the manor went out TO find consola-
thon az a free rineh counter. Consola-
tion was succeeded by Joy and joy gave
way TO hiiarity as the gentleman
poured down the sehooners Of Pale
Piisener. At IL O'Clock he was help
less, but happy and when the big bell
ehfmed out the hour of noon. and the
hundred factory whistles were blended
into one mighty paean TO labor, he
I'LL Ike a sack % sand upon the floor
OF the saloon. The proprietor hav-
Ing no further use for him, summoned
a man with handcart and the un-
conscious boozer was trundied away
20 his home, with arms and legs flop
ping about dismally. lie was shot
off onto the front porch. dragged into
the house and left lying on the floor.
This would no doubt have been the end
OF the affair had no one observed
his arrival IL 50 happened that
a very nervous lady has rooms on the
second floor OF the house. and she hav-
ing heard the alteration OF the morn
ing and witnessed the picturesque
advent OF Adhered. put the two facts
together and her cxcitable imagina-
tion figured domestic tragedy. Mr..
Adhered had taken poison; Of that
taet she was positive so she flew
Ground and got a messenger boy to
60 post haste after doctor. In about
half an hour a carriage dashed up to
the door. doctor Ieaped out with
bundle that hooked like n plumbers
kit and hurried into the house. He
saw the patient lying on the floor
with eyes uptuned and noted his
1abored. sfertcrous brea thing. \ huge
stomach pump was fished out oil the
bundle and in ten seconds the doctor
had the patients head upon his knee
and Is inches Of suction hose rammed
down his gullet, into his surcharged
gastric cavity. Then the fun began.
The stream OF Kusterer's extra pale
spouted forth like the tapping OF
fresh keg on a July morning. Now
and then the pump would clog and
sputter for a moment and then a
chunk OF limburger cheese or circlet
of bologna sausage skin would shoot
out like a wad expelled from a gun.
It did not take the doctor long to
slxe up the situation and when he did
he turned with a look Of unutterablc
disgust TO the excited circle around
him and said: This man Is simply
drunk" He packed mp his instrument
and went out banging the front gate
80 hard that be left il hanging by one
hinge. IL is unnecessary no say that
the crowd Of neighbors SUNK home
ward one by one, feeling very foolish.
md Mr.. Adhered awoke some hours
nster with head like bushsl basket.