The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-09-23
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Inc badger state-matrlmony.-
The crook is always on mischief bent.
-PittSb,vg Post.
A stirring appeal-"br-e-a-k-fust!'-
Washington Star.
Best recipe for catching husband
Don't try.-Troy Press.
Occasionally the wisest owl hoots at
the wrong time.-AtohiSoa Globe.
The summer girl who is where the men
are to be found is right in town.-BoS-
ton Transcript.
Is nn upstart aristocracy known as n
Goldfish aristocracy because it has moro
bone than bloodl-PucE.
Lawyers arc unlike most people in one
respect; nothing suits them better than
great trials.-Loreu Courier
1t is perfectly proper thing to poach
an egg, but to poach the bird that lays
the egg Is quite another thing. Boston
Transcript.
"Dere's millions in it," said the old
colored man, as he gazed over the fence
at the watermelon patch.-BinghamtoR
Republican.
Every man has an axe to grind, and
looks upon every other man with an eye
to inducing him to turn the handle
Atchison Globe.
1t IS a mistake about its being un-
IL siecp-iii feathers. Look at tho
sNring chicken and see how tough he is.
--Richmond Recorder.
Slang was not common in the days of
Governor William Penn, else the boys
would have called Penn "his nibs, ~
Ne'O Orleans Picayuae.
At the present rate OF scientific pro-
gress, it won't be long before farmers
will use electric shocks in thcis corn
ields.- Binghdmtoa Republican.
At dawn the fisherman goes away
That batch OF fish may be caught;
He wanders home at the end OF day
With catch of fish he has bought
-HdrpeI's Bdzdr.
A woman is getting ready to make
trouble for herself when she starts out to
be heroine to the world. Her mission
is to be a heroine at home. AtchiRSoa
Globe.
The "skeeter's" military in his nightly avo-
cations,
For generally he drills awhile, AMI then he
draws his rations
Chicago Herald.
Wibble-"They may talk about their
corn husbs, musk rats and all that sort
of thing, but there's one sign of cold
winter never saw fail yet" Wabble
WHATS thatW Wibble-"The ther-
mometer. "-Dem0rest's Monthly.
A Fifth street doctor is something of
a wag, and when patient said: "Doc-
tor, have a boil coming on my neck; l
felt it first in my sleeping car bunk"
the doctor answered: "Ah! then | pre-
sumo it must be carbuncle. PhiLddeL-
piid Record.
THE better the day, tho better the deed.n
Thus 10 we turn to suit our need
This proverb of olden time.
Suppose we turn il the other way,
"Ihe better the deed, the better the day.
And make 1t a truth sublime.
Alta fashionable gatherings gentleman
made several attempts to start the con
versatior, but owing to the stupidity OF
those present, he failed completely.
After painful pause he finally remarked:
"Now let us be silent on some other
subject. '-Teeas SitiH2s.
Mrs. Quartz-'Tnjuu" Hanl-
"Ya-as," Mrs. Quartz-"Git HINT"
Hank-"Dead'r winged, ouc'r t'other."
Mrs, Quartz-"Jest look oyer'n see if
he's got any blue beads on his moccasins.
need bout thimble full more fer
that 'Peacen Goodwill motto card Pm
working"
II have weight upon my mind,
overheard him say.
THAT'S good" said she, "'twill keep the
wind
From blowing it away
Detroit Free Press.
A little boy at church the other day
was permitted by his mother to put the
money into the contribution plate. Hav-
ing ON previous occasions paid fares to car
conductors, etc, he understood his duty,
for rising proudly, he fairly shouted to
the old gentleman, "Pleasc, mister, that's
for two. "-TrUtb.
"Well, but, Maud" The absent.
minded youth was interrupted by the
horror-strickeu gir. "Mtud3 My namo
is not MaudI" The situation was des-
pcrate, yet fortune did not desert him.
"But, my darling Louise, what am com
ing around here for if 1t is not TO event
ually change your namo!' She thought
he had prearranged the joke and he thus
was saved, -Phladelphit Times.
An eminent scientist computes that
comet will strike the earth, on am aver
age, about once in every fifteen million
years. We hate TO knock out the calcu-
lations and estimates OF an eminent man
of science, but cold facts are stronger
than theories, and we are compelled to
say that we have been here over forty
years and there has ne'er comet struck
the earth since we've lived here. Ii it
and, 1t must have come along in the
night.-Buydette,