davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
1T WAS VERY FUNNY.
Bu: There Wa. More OF 1t There Would
be Trouble.

HUI II There Was More OF 1t There Would
be Trouble.
or course Il was good joke.
Hadn't the boss said that he didn't
want everybody in the Office running
in TO see him on every little pretextp
Hadn't he ted one OF the clerks that
II the latter wanted anything brought
to his attention he should speak to his
immediate superior and have the mat
ter come TO him through the proper
channels?
Naturally. in view OF this. every one
was tickled WHOM the assistant book
keeper said to the book keeper:
MIR. Smith will you please ask Mr..
Brown to ask Mr.. Wilkins to ask Mr..
johnson TO ask the boss il can got
off Friday at o'clock
The book-l1cepcr saw tho humor OF
the thing says the Chicago Tribune.
and promptly delivered the message
TO Mr.; Brown. and so it went up step
by step to the boss, who smiled IA
sickly sort Of smile when the request
was repeated to him,
"Ah. yes. " he said The assistant
bookkeeper seems to be n great stick
ler for Office etiquette"
Yes, sir. :" returned Mr.. johnson;
The was anxious that the request
should reach you through the proper
channels"
Quite right said the boss Now
might call him in and give him my
answer in person but that would
hardly be in conformity with his idea
OF propriety would it?"
'Wcll, sir l suppose it is only a
little joke"
Yes. yes, OF course. Very anus.
ing. this step ladder business. Now.
Mr. johnson, will you please tell Mr.
Wilkins to tell Mr.. Brown to tell Mr..
Smith to tell the assistant bookkeeper
that his services are dispensed with.
And while you are passing the mes
sage down you might add that II we
have any more OF this step ladder
business I'll kick the whole ladder
over and throw it out OF the Office. ~
n. Y. World.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
POINTS AND PLEASANTRIES.

Hicks 'Grewbie says that his father
was highly connected" Wicks-''So he
was 1t was by the neck and on the gal
lows. Boston Transcript
Pationt-.Doctor, / fancy, somehow,
I've got touch of the govt" Doctor
Fancy, my dear sir! IL you had, you
wouldn't fancy; you'd know."--Fun.
Cbappie-.I am sorry to find that my
ancestors were not always in the swim. y
Cholly-'You surprise me-" Chappie-
''Yaas At the time of Noah they were
in the ark:''- Harper's Bazaar
Dimlipg--''Loo here. Blueprint. you
designed this house to cost IS, 900 and il
has come to $1,000 already. You haven't
been an architect long, have you'' Bloc.
print Only three years Before that
used to get up bills of fare for dollar din
ncrs for four New York sun
dot coadt Is fife dollars You take idt
for two, said Moscnstein. why do you
give me such tremendous discountp'
asked Browne. ''ldt is my regular gus
toners DISCOUNT" but am not "a reg
ular customer ''Nodt yet. No But
you will he. Puck.
Stranger-''Can't you help poor man.
mister. have been burned out twice,
flooded out three times and am now on
my way to St Louis Chicago Man
You have indeed been unfortunate. but
can do nothing for man who will de-
liberately go to st. Louis-Judge.
by getting your ticket over our line"
urged the travelling passenger agent of tho
x, Y. anil l.. railway, you will save
sixteen hours. time on the trip" '.On
the A., b. and G. route" said the agent
of the rival line, lyon get 29I miles more
riding for tho same money" The agri.
culturist from Maverick bought his ticket
over the A, b. and c. route.-Chicago
Tribune.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05

1t is an old-fashion notion
that medicine has to taste
bad to do any good.
SCOTS Emulsion is cod
liver oil with its fsh-fat taste
nothing IS lost but the
taste.
This is moro than a mat
ter Of comfort. Agreeable
taste is always a help to d.
gestion. A sickening taste
is always a hindrance.
There is only harm in taking
cod-liver oil unless you digest
it. Avoid the taste.
ScorT & BowsH. Chemists. Iss South sth Avenue.
New York.
Your druggist keeps Scm's Emulsion Of cod-liver
oil-all druggists even ywnere 90. 81.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
Winter and Summer.

An Engllshman who, after Crumb-
ling about his native country for more
than hal, lifetime, at last mnde up
his mind to emigrate to New Zealand,
was asked why he chose that far
away part of the world for "a place OF
residence.
why" said he, at is because ma
ture has made much better arrange
ment OF tho seasons there than it has
here"
What do you mean?"
"What do ] mean? Why, it's a
great mistake Of nature, as any one
must see. to have the cold weather
come in the winter and hot weather in
the summer. How delicious it must
be to have it hot in December, now,
which is the cold, freezing season, and
whit blessing to get bracing cold in
July wnen everybody needs it! Now
that's the way they have it in New
Zealand, and that 8 what call sensi-
bic arrangement Of the seasons"
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05

every cent you've paid for it, II it
doesn't benefit or cure you. A med
icine that promises this is one chat
promises to help you.
But there's only one medicine Of
its kind that can and does promise it.
It's DR.. Pierces Golden Medical Dis
coyery. It's the guaranteed remedy
for all Blood, Skin and Scalp Dis
cases, from q common blotch or
eruption to the worst scrofula. Il
cleanses, puriies, and cnriches the
blood, invigorates the system, and
cures Salt-rheum, letter, Eczema,
Erysipelas and all manner of blood
taints from whatever cause. Great
Eating Ulcers rapidly heal under
its benign influence.
It's tho best blood-puriicr, and it's
the cheapest, no matter how many
doses arc offered for a dollar-for
you pay only for the good you get.
Nothing else is "just CO good" rs
the Discovery" 1t may DO better
for the dealer. But he wants
roney and yoa want help.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05

He was soon asleep again. however.
and by morning he had nearly forgot
on his vision. When he came TO dress
he found himself standing as in his
dream, and as he drew on his trousers
his revolver fell from the hip pocket
struck butt downward upon the tiled
floor. struck sunken tile and. turn
Ing. leaned against his ankle with the
muzzle pointing directly at his leg.
He watched with sort OF fascination
for the explosion. but 1t did not come
and he lives unwounded TO toll the
tule.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
what do you mean?"
Degrees in a Thermometer.

How many people who look at a
Fahrenheit thermometer know why il
is divided in 212 degrees between the
zero and boiling point! 1t is fairly
wellknown that Fahrenheit establish.
ed his zero mt what he believed to be
absolute cold produced by mixture
of ice and salt. Ten thousand vol
umes Of mercury at the Fahrenheit
zero are O,512 volumes ut the boil
ing point ofwater. In some way or
othcr Fahrcnhsit hit upon this fact,
hence his scale.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
WAS IN THE WRONG COX.

Ito Turned Out to Be Some Othor
Girls Brother.
The following is the experience OF n
boy who had sense enough to keep his
mouth shut at the proper time, says
the New York Tribune:o
~ was waitin' on Johnny Greene
step" he said, "jess acrost the street
from my house, fur johnny. Up
comes a nice-looking fellow in his best
clothes.
Flows your sister today?' says
he, an 1 says she was very well, for
thort at first that he did mean my
sister.
Jess then the door opened and lie
says to me. Come in, Johnny, and
talk to me while am waitin' for my
card to 60 up So went in with
him.
you're nice little chap, says he.
an I've got a pocketknife which I'll
give you if you promise not to lose
it, and SO l promised not to lose it
nn he gave it to me, and felt OF the
blades and saw it was n beauty.
"'I like boys said he, smiling at me
friendly.
IAN / like you, says I. You seem
like nice fellar, an this knife is n
dandy.
"'Im glad you like it, says he, ian
perhaps you would like some candy,
an wouldn't you take this quarter an
get some pretty soon?"
can then grinned, for knew
what that pretty soon meant-jess as
soon ms my sister should come down.
Only you see it wasn't my sister Mt
all. That's why grinned, and says,
Thank you, ri so pretty soon An
he smiled again an tried to pat me
on the head, but | didn't like to be-
patted on the head.
pretty soon Johnny Greene sister
comes in an she spoke to me nice,
cause she likes me, an ! showed her
my knife, an she smiled ut me till
wanted to Inif right out, but didn't
say anything about the quarter,
cause | knew she wouldn't like
TINT.
'He says to her: You have n fine
little brother haven't your An she
looked pleased but kind o surprised.
hh soy tbaI 1oiiiIiil Woo ~ ilCtlc wv
mischievous, but meant well. i Jest
grnned again.
'In about a minute Johnny came
down stairs, an when heard him in
the hall said guessed I'd 90 now,
hut she called Johnny in, cause the
man seemed to like him.
Johnny says she, come and
speak to Mr.. Doolittle,' and Mr.. Doc
little Jess looked sick cause l was
snappin' the big blade in my knife.
'Er-an' this amt your brother?'
says he, looking sour Mt me.
'"'Oh. no. says she. this is Johnny's
chum, who lives across the street
Come on, johnny says i, for l
thort it was time to GO. Come on
down to the Italian fruit stand an
got some fruit
Johnny was mad when told him
about the knife. But never mind
says I. Don't you see mes got togi.a
you one now?'
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
Something unscressinw.

A New Yorker who Is mem Der OF
the American Society OF Psychical Re-
search. tells curious story that would
interest his society. While in Mexico
recently he dreamed that in dressing
his pistol dropped from his pocket
fell butt downward TO the floor. turned
80 that 1t leaned against his ankle and
exploded, shattering his leg. The
dream was 90 vivid that he awoks with
start and recalled the whole scene
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
hosL4ssE osLlos.

1T nm weak and you are strong.
Why ther,. why then,
TO yon the Drawer deeds belong;
And 50. again.
Ifyeu havs 4 ~ AMI have none,
il have shade and You have sun,
IT'S yours with freer hand 10 live
IT'S yours with truer grace 70 give, ,
Than ]. who giitless, sunless stand
With barren life and hand.
lis wisdoni's law, the perfect code
By love inspired;
Ofhim OH whom much Is bestowed
Is much required
The tunefnl throat IL bid 10 sing.
The oak must reign the forests king:
The rustling stream the wheel must move,
The beaten steel Its strength must prove,
IT'S gwen unto the eagles eyes
To face the midday skies.
-CARLorrA PERRY.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1891-12-05
DORA.
rY MISS I. sMlrIisoa.

UNCAN HOLMES,
soliloguizing in a
street-car.-I don't
believe in love at
first sight, but l be-
lieve in fate. ! al.
ways have believed
in fate. Ten min
utes ago | was on
my way downtown,
yet here | am riding
uptown. with out
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-27
4 VERY POOR LOT
That's What a Britisher Saws about the
English Professional SculIers.


English Professional scullers.
Regarding the recent sculling race in Eng
land between East and Perkins for the
championship, writer in the London
Referee says:
Among the blind the one-eyed is king" is
at once a singularly happy and un fortunate
adage to quote apropos our sculling situa-
tion. 1t comes in most appositely. The
pity is it's truly applicable to our poverty
stricken estate. Old 'uns who were boat
racing in the days of Thames acknowl-
edged and fairly earned supremacy, not to
mention the era when Thames and Tyne's
picked pros beat each other, but were GER
tainly equal to settling intruders from for
eign parts, feel pretty miserable now-if,
that is, they are not past all feeling one way
or the other, and are absolutely callous.
We have not one good man n the whole
country-a good one, that is. judged by fair
standard-and the old pastiIne is as nearly
dead as makes no matter Quite 4 fuss has
been made recently because in so-called
championship sculling race on the Tyne
William East beat George Perkins, the loser
being SO palpably out of trim that one Won
dered the final deposit was made on his ac-
count. Perkins defeat was all in the for
tune of war. and would be the last To find
fault with him or his hackers for seeing the
match through, although the mans condi-
tion was dead against him. East deserves
credit for getting himself as fl as he could.
His hackers are to be congratulated on win
ming. Further, we oTght perhaps to rejoice
because in our present lamentably one-eyed
state the best of our extremely bad lot can
get uD a match and little mild excitement
among themselves. But it does seem play
ing the business low down to treat it all au
grand serieuX and sing Hail to the Chief"
plav Rule Britannia, i" "See the Conquering
Hero Comes" and all about such job as
this
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-27
A YOUNG GIRLS SUICIDE.
After spat With Her Lover She Takes
Rough on Rats.

After spat With Her Lover She Takes
Rough on Rats.
ROCHESTER,, PA, Dec. 26.-Miss Mollle
Ritchey committed suicide Christmas morn
ing. She was in her 18th year and was en-
ploved as domestic by the Misses Port
land, of Freedom. On Christmas Eve the
girl, who was rather handsome and of
lively disposition, attended ball in Free
dom. She returned with others between 2
and o'clock yesterday morning and retired.
Soon afterward her mother heard the girl
moaning in distress A physician was sum-
moned, but without avail, and the girl died
about six hours later. A tin cup, l.. which
a quantity of rough on rats had been
mixed, was found by the mother, with evil
dence that portion of it had been taken.
The girl assigned no reason for the deed.
In a pocket of the sacque she had worn at
the bali her mother found card upon
which had been hastily scrawled the follow
ing: "Well, my dear mother, 1 will leave
you tonight and hone you will not think
about it. IT, all on William Neubig; he did
draw q gun on me so I will 30 to - (word
eraseD so bye to all No signature was
appended, but the writing is that of the
suicide. The William Neubig referred to
is young compositor in a job printing
office here. He had been paying attention
to the girl, but ceased some time since for
the alleged reason that she attended a party
some weeks ago contrary to his wishes and
her promise. Neubig denies having threat
ened to shoot the girl.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-27

Like many another" says Mr.. o Donnell.
"1 had wild ambition to get rich, and
worked day and night with that object in
view, negecting exercise, needful sleep and
regularity of taking my meals TO this lat
ter / attribute the most of my ills.
For II years my stomach and liver caused
me the greatest trouble. During Il great part
OF that time 1 was compelled to live on
liquid food entirely, as solids caused great
distress, nausea, vomiting, fatulence and
the most eXcruciating cramps. Vomiting
was nv only relief from such attacks.
''In addition to my stomach trouble 1 had
a bad taste in my mouth in the morning,
foul, Shiny tongue and offensive breath. /
also had an almost constant headache and
stiffness OF my neck.
Reading OF so many remarkable cures by
Drs Copeland, Hall and Bvers. determined
to consult them, but with little hope of bene-
fit, as had long since given up that in de-
spair. Their examination and method of
handling my case was so thorough and pro-
fessional it at once inspired me with conf
dence and decided to take treatment.
"The results are very decided and salts
factory. All nv distressing symptoms have
been dispelled, 1 can eat anything and at
any time without tear of after distress. My
headaches are gone and feel perfectly well
in every respect. with INV old-time vigor
and ambition reasserting itself. | owe all
this TO the careful and conscientious treat
ment received at the hands OF Drs. Copeland,
Hall and Byers. and cheerfUlly make this
statement i'll their praise"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-27
GOOD GRIP WEATHER.
MICROBEs HAVING FINE TIE
THIS GREEN CHRISTMAS.
A Thousa nd Cases at tMontreal-Nine nj Deaths
Reported at Boston-The Disease Works
With Others-Pretty Cold Out West but

Thousa nd Cases at Montreal-Nine Deaths
Reported at Boston-The Disease Works
With Others-Pretty Cold Out West but
Moderating Now.
ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE pIsPArCH.1
BOSTON, Dec 26-Nine deaths from the
grip in this city were reported at the Office
of the Board of Health during the week
just ended, and the opinion OF physicians is
that the present weather is not especially
beneficial in the way of killing the microbes.
The number of deaths for the week, how
ever, is still more than 100 under the num-
Der for the high water mark of the grip
epidemic of two years ago. The grip
attacks old persons principally and in cases
where victims are suffering from other dis
eases it secures an especial distressing
hold
The number of cases of diphtheria. re-
ported shows a decrease in that disease, but
there were 26 extra deaths from pneumonia.
But three of the niue deaths from the grip
resulted from that disease alone; the other
six deaths resulted from complications with
other diseases. Scarlet fever is also quite
prevalent, but in mild form.
A dispatch from Montreal says: The grip
has firm foothold in Montreal and now
claims 1,0G0 cases. 1t affects it's victims in
a different way than before-pains in the
stomach and headache, followed by weak
ness In the lower limDs-but the attack only
lasts in most cases from four days to two
weeks. The street railway company, the
police force and the fire brigade are the
chief sufferers. Out of 375 men on the police
force 81 are laid up with it.
A dispatch from Philadelphia SAYS: The
death rate in this city for the past six days
has reached the large figures of 725, the
heaviest ever known. This is an increase over
the previous week of 103, and more than
100 in excess of the corresponding period of
last year. The normal death rate here is
about 400 per week.
A dispach from Huron, S. D. SAYS: Yes,
to-dav's wind and snow storm abated about
midnight last night, and the mercury went
down several degrees. It was 200 below
zero at daylight, the lowest this winter
1t has been intensely cold all day, but is
more moderate tonight.
Dispatches from other points of the West
say the thermometer is about as low as it
has been this season. but the indicati ons are
for change.fo the warmer. This gives
little hope to the districts affected by the
grip.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-27

Mr.. Nickolds is an edge tool maker en-
ploved at the Iron City Tools Works on
Thirty-second street. and living on Brereton
avenue, opposite West Penn Hospital.
"My disease grew steadily worse as time
nassed until there was not an hour or m1n-
ute in which 1 did not suffer from it, My
head hurt me all the time, and it appears to
me / had pains all over me. Mucus would
gather in my throat so badly at nights that
was freuuently afraid OF srran9ling in my
Sleep MY headwas badly stopped up:my sight
was dim and sDecks f1Oated before my eyes;
/ had continuous buZzing and ringing i'll
ears: nv nose was dry a9d stopped up with
scabs and in the mornings when l would
first get up would have a snapbing sort of
sensation in my forehead like springs
loOSeninc-
"The disease affected nv stomach and di-
gestive organs, and when | would eat the
food wouId lie in my stomach like lead. My
bowels were badly out of order; ny sleep
was broken and restless, and when would
get up felt heavy, dull and more tired than
when 1 went to bed had read much of the
skill OF Drs. Copeland, Hall and Byers. and
went to see what they could do for me. They
examined my case, and from what they said
/ knew that they understood what was the
matter with me. 1 had entire confidence in
them alter weeks treatment, and 1t has
been justified. They have cured me up well
and strong. All of my disagreeable symp-
toms are gone and I hope that aklnS the
fact of my cure public may lead some other
sufferer to find relief Also
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-27
CUPID FOOLED BY T1NTYPEs.
The Couple Were Aged, but They Ser
Pictures That Didn't Snow 1t.

The Couple Were Aged, but They Sent
Pictures That Didn't Snow 1t.
CHICAGO, Dec. 26.-Thomas Maxwell, of
Austin, Tex, owner of cattle ranch, and
with a hankering after wife, read Chi
cago advertisement to the effect that "a
young, handsome brunette, 20 years of age
of lively disposition, wished to correspond
with wealthy gentleman, with view to
matrimony."
He wrote to the "young, handsome bru-
nette," and sent her his portrait taken years
and years ago. He's 80 now, but that pict-
ure didn't show it. The ''young brunette"
is venerable Belle Taylor, spinster, of Green
Bay, Wis. She wrote to Maxwell, sending
him her youngest sisters portrait as her
own.
AS result the old goose and gander came
together in Chicago yesterday, each bent on
marrying young partner. Each hissed
contempt at the others actual age as dis
closed, and each went home wishing that
suit for false pretenses could win in such a
case
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-27
Superintendent Wier's Opinion.

Superintendent of Police Wier heard of
the conviction at New Castle, Pa, of the
three Perkins detectives with evident salts
faction. That Judge knew his business"
Mr. Wier said. "It is unfortunate that the
jury could not have returned verdict of
first degree murder against those young fel-
lows. l have watched their trial with great
interest. think their crime of forcing
false statement from persons they had ac-
cused of O crime was high-handed outrage,
aud their conviction only satisfies the law
in part. 1t will be positive lesson to the
fellows who travel over the country and,
under mistaken idea of the law, COM
nit all grades of crimes to make out a case
for themselves for some consideration.
''These private detectives, as a rule, are
dangerous people. They are responsible to
nobody. When they hear of case they go
to the party aggrieved and contract to con-
vict somebody of the crime for so much
money Then they start out and the most
convenient persons are ikeliest to become
their prey. They fix upon some unfortu-
nate and weave about him evidence of their
own making They supply whisky to their
intended victim and they resort to every e1-
pedent to attain their object. Then they
go into court and swear to anything or
everything. With them it is 10 case no
money and they rarely fail in making both.
s'The law creating these private detect
ives is at fault. There should be the strict
est rules as to granting license to private
reliable private detectives, but under the
system now in use fellows who are too
dangerous to secure any other kind of work
get into these agencies. What is needed
is a more careful system of licensing pri-
vate detectives.