Morning journal and courier., 1891-04-10

only be called on for the regulation con- tribution. But with the nuisance in itself the public has concern. For instance, there may be in the car individuals who have been travelling night and day for many day through states where the nuis- ance does not flourish, and who are there fore richly covered with vast variety of United States dirt. Mind you the com psny does not provide a dusting apart done in the aisle and right in front of where the individual happens to be sitting. So all the dust of all the States is brushed out into the car and left to settle at leis- ure. There is a certain amount of Ameri- can democracy about it, as at the termina- ton of the process all the dust is equally distributed. The individual who got in clean at New Haven or Bridgeport has as much dust on him on reaching the Grand Cen tral depot as his companion from the Pa cifc coast. But how about the germs which scientists tell us are quite factor of dusta The car becomes filled with dust and consequently filled with germs. These disturbed from their peaceful slumbers beneath hatbands and coatcollars are as mad as hornets, kick like steers and fill themselves full with determination to be more contagious than ever. AS the Ebon's salary is low in consequence of opportun- ities for extorting perquisites the road in directly shares in the Brush you of 2" profits and is therefore directly responsi- ble for the continuance of the nuisance
 A third nuisance is the two-in-s-seat nuisance. Let X represent the width of an ordinary individual. Then 2X will represent the width of two ordinary indi- viduals 2X also represents the width of a seat in an ordinary car. Why two persons,
 unknown to one another, perhaps not hay
 ing an atom of anything in common; it
 may be of different sexes, of different colors and of different degrees of intelli- gence, morality or cleanliness; should be compelled to sit in close contact while
 travelling, and under no other circumstance
 of American life, is a most re-
 markable social problem! If | host should introduce the custom his | hotel would be deserted in the twinkling | of an eye. Yet dinner lasts but an hour, | while journey may last day. If the
 ater were to adopt the plan it would have | to depend for its support on bridal couples | and couples contemplating bridling. Still l there is the custom, and it must be accept | ed as fact. If A. and B., two individu- i als, are of ordinary size they can sit to- | gether, without any very great discom- fort, provided they keep perfectly still
 and each respect the others share of the
 seat. They will touch, of course. If well | formed males, their shoulders will touch.
 If well formed females, their hips will be the point of contact. If 4. be fat, but B. approximately
 thin, they will also get along very well to- | gether If both be fat they will be most miserable. If both be thin you might pos | sibly squeeze very small bag between
 them Nuisance No. 3 is too enormous to | consider all its phases at one sitting; so
 let attention be confined to one only;
 that, the microbe phase. It may very
 we'll happen that A. has hidden away
 somewhere in his inner anatomy a par
 ticular and private microbe, of which he
 may or may not, be aware, or proud. Ac-
 cording to the latest information on the
 subject microbes are very enterprising and
 energetic animals: lss- .-nisrobe will f dndorurediy have his curiosity
 excited by As unnatural still
 ness, and by the unusual motion
 imparted to A by the car. His curiosity
 once excited he will endeavor to satisfy it,
 and to inform himself of the strange phe-
 nomena. It will not take him long to find
 an orifce through which to penetrate from
 the inside to the outside of As anatomy,
 that too without disturbing X. Being
 still in the dark, he will not be satisfied
 till he has found a hole in As clothing
 and has transferred himself from the in
 side to the outside thereof There he sits
 proudly conscious of the own activitiea and surveying the world at large. Find : ing himself close to B. oyercoat, it woult
 be just like him, instead
 of returning to As anatomy, k
 give the preference to B. Bridging him self over to B.'s outer wrap, he will pursu, his way till he find admission through it tC } B's outer anatomy. Then continuing hi explorations till he finds an orifice core spending to the orifice through which h. left As inner anatomy, he will enter B. . inner anatomy and there recommence tn ,, activities interrupted by his journey O | discoveries. So that at the end of tn l journey B. will walk of with piece of an imated personal property to which he ha no legal right and of which the subsequen conduct may not fill him with unalloye ' joy.
 3 When these three nuisances have bee 2 properly abated others may be presente' l to our lords and masters, the railroad mag ! mates PERIASDER-