The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-01-01
A Murderer's Confession
BY B, l., FARJEON.

cause of his exhorations. Let him
think so. Try as hard as he likes, he
can't make me believe that can earn
heaven or hell by simply writing a
few words on sheet ofpaper. What
l am going to do is for my own sake.
TO keep it any longer to myselfwill
drive me mad; and want to keep
my reason to the last-if l can. The
secret presses upon me like rcd hot
bands of steel. l must burst them
asunder. The fire of silence and the
anguish of it is more than lean bear;
it is eating into my heart. I must, I
must confess!
They did not bring me steel pen,
with which I could have opened a
vein in the middle Of the night, but a
soft quill, quite unless for the pur-
pose Of self destruction. But even
were the means within my reach, and
l could screw my courage to the
sticking point Il heard that in a
play once, and the actress was speak
ing of murder), even then I doubt
whether [ should be able to accom-
plish it. l should require to bealone
to carry my design into execution.
And l was never alone! 1t is not
only that I am watched and guarded
by human forms; if that were not so,
and if they left me to myself, should
have company.
Oh, God! The accusing eyes, the
terrible white face, with it's stains of
blood! She was pretty, when she
lived, with soft red lips, and her
white teeth shining with smiles, but
now she is appalling. My guardian
devil, in the shape ola living warder,
who sits in q corner of my cell pre-
tending to watch me, has no con-
sciouness of the awful figure standing
between me and him. 1t stands
there now; l have but to raise my
eyes to see it. If he could see it as
do he would leap to his feet and
shrek and beat down the door to
escape from the terror. Why do I
not make an effort to rid myself
of it? I did at first; / writhed on
the ground and then, rising in a
fury OF despair, strove to grasp and
strangleit.
But it encOmpassed me instead
and breathed an ague into my limbs,
SO that I could not stand upright in
it's presence. I know now that it
will never leave me in this world.
Will it in the next, or am I doomed
through all eternity to be cured
with it's horrible companionship?
Ii it is light there, it will be some
small relief of the tortue; but if dark
ness surrounds me, and it will not
dare not think of it! You cannot
see the phantom, can you, my
watchful warder, sitting on your
bench, quiet and calm, with your sly
eyes observing every movement I
make, and ready, upon the slightest
indication, to prevent me from doing
myself any harm?
They are very careful of me. Oh,
very, very careful! Never was my
life SO precious as now-as now, when
they have resolved to strangle it out
of mel If / scratched my finger with
splinter of wood and a drop of
blood were to appear thay would
rush for the doctor and put ointment
onmy flesh and treat ME as tenderly
as a mother treats her first babe.
0 my God-what have I written!
I was my mothers first babe-her
dearest, her most cherished, upon
whom she lavished all her love. She
did not care for my sister as she cared
for me, and yet Petsie, with her large
blue eyes and golden curls, was a
pretty little thing. She worshiped
me, too, in her own sweet, childlike
way. It was I who was the idol of
the home, the hero. the prince, whom
they adored and bowed down to.
The honors l won at school were
greater in their eyes than the
achievements ofthegreatestco conquer
or in the worlds history. Even when
Petsie died, my mother was grateful
that she was taken instead of me.
We sat in the dark on the night OF
the funeral, and l knew from the
words my mother spoke that she
was glad was by her side instead OF
Petsie.
''Itis SO hard for girls to get along
in the world" she said, between her
sobs, land they don't remember
their mothers as boys do. "A son is
q son all the days of his life;
a daughter is a daughter till she be-
comes a WIFE mustnot repine. l
have much to be grateful for. You
will notforget me, darling?"
"No, MOTHER" l answered, "nev-
err"
From that day she worshipped me
with even q deeper, more profound
worship. Yon see, I was all in the
world she had to love. All, the fu.
ture she had mapped out for me!
The joy she was to draw from my