The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-11-12
WIT AND HUMOR.


sleep.-Ic1as Sijttags.
A lawyer generally feels himself
competent to break any will except his
wife 81 Boston Courier.
Most people ask advice in order 10
secure some confirmation of their own
decisions-DIitnSN elCS.
Waiter (deferentially)-.'Soup. sir?"
FuddIed Actor (ferociously) = No.
sir; Leading man."-Jadge.
We'll. Nettie. are you a good little
girl?" %. yes. sir; 1 must be; father
says I'm holy terror. Life.
Then you take no stock in Miss
Prettyface's atlractions?" Not till l
know her par value" = Baltimore
american.
He (angrily) = We'll. l think l
ought to know my own mind" She
Calmly = That's nothing. = WASH
us9t0H Star.
Charity begins at home
sir.n Tramp-''Then eff yen tell me
what time it starts I'll try ter be on
hand. "-Harrisburg Telegraph.
Jinkers-''W What a lot of funerals
there are to-daym Winkers-''Ye
Guess there must have been an ex-
cursion yesterday."-N i. Weekly.
Photographer Nov, look pleasant,
please" Customer-.'It is quite I'M
possible. sir. I'm ticket agent in a
raj lroad Office - oRGers Statesman
Some one says poets are declining;
lt stp-
poet will tell you that it is the editors
who are NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Record.
Il see Jack and Mollie have made
up again. Why was the engagement
broken?" They had quarrel as
to which loved the other the most. y
Life.
Nine tailors, it is said. will make a
ought to have finished. They will
make man pauper.-Ieras Sitt-
tRgS.
Corsets have filled more graves than
whisky. says Miss Willard. So it
seems women kill themselves by get
ting tight, as well as men.-N T.
Press.
That Mado ma of yours is rather
prim. think" said Crilicus. Per.
haps | would better call it, The Prin
Madonna then" suggested Daube.--.
". 7. Herald.
MN; femme see. Is it Ireland or
Scotland that is so noted for its pip
ers?n Scotland. l think. Ireland is
more noted for tubers than pipers. -
Indianapolis journal.
Hungry Guest Gmpatiently)-'You
have forgotten several things" Wait
every sorry, sab, but you know
it's a good while since | took your or
der. sab. GOOD NeWs
There are 10000, 900 cows in this
country. SAYS Mr.. Porter's census nov
elette. And no one will doubt it who
has tried to keep a lawn in the suburbs
Minneapolis Journal.
rs that the President of the bank?n
(Which one?' That stylish-looking
fellow who says 1 and the Board of
Directors so much.n No. that's the
janitor. Brooklyn Life.
Wife-''I think those people that
moved into the next Hat are in straiteu-
ed circumstances. Husband-"T They
must be. or else they couldn't have
got in. "-Boston Courier.
Shc--"What shall | say when papa
asks me what your prospects arc? He
Tell him | expect to have one of
the richest men in town for my father
in-law." -FrdnE LeSLie's.
Filkins--''Wcll, Count, did You sue
ceed in trading your title for Miss
Milun's hand?" Count Kengelt-
No; her father offered me too much
boot. "-BinghantoW Repubtic IN.
Wigs Cat rchearsaD-''Mr. Bacon
shak. we want TO put u little realism
into this play. Can yon suggest any
thing?" Demonstration might try
paying real salaries. ~. Y. Sun.
Give a young man plenty of money,
wine. and fast horses. and Satan has
no anxiety about that mau. he ceases to
watch him. and only gives directions
for his reception. -1e1as Sittings.
What was the collect this morn
ingP" asked papa. desiring to see if his
son remembered anything of the
church service. Foreign missions
returned Tommy.-N Y Herald.
Small Son-''Dot suit fit dot man
awful tight" Dealer-''It vas digit
Wit mein son. IVY did YOU zell it &c
scheap?n II vas avraid l couldn't get
it off mitout tearing it, Good NeWs
Buttons (about to make surrepti-
tious raid on the fruitstand) Mind,
now. Reddy, you'll not give me
away?" Reddy (contemptuously).-
Nav! | amt no English lord. Wash.
ington.
1key-"I am going. now. to buy you
beautiful diamant engagement ring,
Rebecca." Rebecca = Don't vorget,
key. that my fader sells them cheaper
than any one else in town. Brook.
Ign Life.
lyon must come over and play
with the baby some time" said the Wis
itor. MAY be | will" answered the
little girl. is it a walking baby or
just a wagon baby?'-Indianapolss
journal.
Teacher: Tommy can you give me
sentence in which but is conjunc-
ton? Tommy: Sec the goat butt the
IVY Dull is COnJuUCllOu anu COH-
meets the boy with the goat. Brook
Ign Eagle.
Trotter (who wants to propose)-
Miss Scadds, let us go out on the
porch. Shall | get your wrap?' Miss
Scadds-'T Thanks. but shan't need it.
You might put on your overcoat. how.
ever."-Ep0ch.
Young Bohrer (dillidently)-.Yes
Miss Lucy they do say | am clever at
baseball" Lucy yawning) = q
should SO Gawn) dearly love to see
yon make Il (yawn) home run
PatSburg Bu!ietiS.
1T strikes me. dear" said he sar.
castically. rs the cries Of the baby
arose above the lullaby she was trying
to sing to it. that you. voice is some.
thing of a Jonah-it is widowed up
by a wall. "-BaLtint0re american.
That the ears of humanity are grow
ing larger and their jaws growing less
* lint aDnt Lar illuSfration Of tho en-.