The Opelousas courier., 1891-02-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Goes into tea without being asked
Milk.
Society leaders are in the swim every
where but at the seaside.-Puck.
Arbitration gives two parties the
halves of g pretty stale and bitter loaf
Puck.
Ladies' change-that found in the
rockets of husbands at night.-Boston
Courier.
It may be said of a man who invests
in o quarry that his lot is a hard one
Konkers Gazette.
Some men stand on principles, Others
trample on them. The latter, naturally,
make the most noise.
Silver is sold in France by the "kilo."
In this country it comes in quartz
Commercial Adoertiser.
A man must necessarily have a sharp
eye in order to cast a piercing glance
Binghcmton Republican. .
"a good lathering is the first requisite
Of a good shave" "It is also the best
thing for q bad shaver. "-Neu York
Herald.
"Do you dictate to your typewriter9"
stI used to do so, but I married her and
now she dictates to me.'-Boston
Courier.
: There is reason in all things. Few
never call their wives sold hens" until
they became broilers.- Commercial Id
g~ertises.
Dedhed-'say, doctor, what kind of
medicine will cure my coldf" Doctor
smart-ssThe kind I prescribe. "-Yan-
lee Blade.
An uptown man recently left his
family and has not since been found, al
though his nose turned up.--Phaadel-
phio Times.
If money could be borrowed as easily
as trouble, the world would be full of
round shouldered people.-Lndianapolis
RAMS Hern.
Vaughn Their Tongues.-"Did you
ever know that a wagon spokea" "Yes,
I heard complain about being tired"
The Bostonian.
"Will you love me when I'm old2"
sang a maiden of uncertain age. "Will
I2n murmured q crusty old bachelor.
stDo /, you meant Washington Star.
"You'll be a President, perhaps,
re we'll Won run life's racen
0Pd rather be" the boy replied,
"The man who plays first base"
Washington Post.
ttThe new assessor is a very honest
man." "You don't say sol What has
he been doing9" 'Why, he told me he
often taxed his own 1fmory."- West
Shore.
"Judge," said the prBoner, who had
robbed an art store, in a pleading tone,
s'there amt any law to prevent a mans
taking photographs, is Thereof Chicago
Tribune.
!, Brown-"Helloa, Smith, have you
change for a va" smith-"Yes; here
o are.n Brown-stThanks. I'll bring
the fve-dollar bill next week. "-Detrose
Free Press.
Groom-"A ring around the moon is
the sign of rain" Bride (sweetly)-
Sand a ring around a woman's finger is
the sign g." Groom-(sadly)
'sReign."-Luslers' Weekly.
Miss Amy-stNow TIL sing you sOnly
{ Lock of Her Hair" Young Dolley
after she has made several false starts)-
f'You don't seem to have the right key
or that ock."--Lippincott's.
Susan (reciting>-"Half a league, half
0 league, hsE a league onward" Fa-
ther-'sThere, Susan, that,1 do. We
don't want any of that baseball nonsense
this house. Boston Transcript.
nprogress, now so fresh and feet,
Keepson ", it's just as like as not
Wen take our baths, INC shave. and eat
BY putting nickles in the slot.
q -Washington Post.
First Citizen (at a street row)-'sTs
man lying in the ambulance n of
he aghtersa" Second Citizen-"No,
le was passing at the time and tried to
top the fight. There go the fighters
off now."-Boston Herald.
ssNo,n said Professor Feelem, the
phrenologist," ny profession
loes not yield a life full Of sunshine, as
many suppose, I tell you;" and he
away a tear. ssI've felt some
,retty hard bumps In my life. Light.
ssAre you a student or a practicing
,hysiclan3" asked the young woman Of
he young man who had been known IS
Doctor since last June. "Neither,p
10 said, with q depth Of disappointment
she could not fathom.- Washing
on Star.
Mr.. Chugwater explaining matters to
visitors-'My wife is generally well,
,ut she is suffering to-day from rheuma-
ism, influenza, toothache, a score thumb
al inlamed eye. In her case il never
but it pours. Mrs. Chugwater lex
matters also)-"I don't make
fuss about it, hough. / am not like
ny husband. However pains, but be
oars. Chicago Tribune.
A Grayitation Clock.
T. G.. Farrar, of Columbus, Ohio, has
one of the most peculiar clocks,