The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1891-04-02
WHY HE DID NOT MARRY.
n Most Laughablo Story About A Young
Man and Bull.

y Most LauEhabl" Story About A Young
Man and Bull.
One OF the most laughable stories Of
a bovine kind that has ever tickled the
ribs of the "only animal that laughs" is
the one in which Mike Finck describes
his ride in the natural state" on Dea-
con Smiths Taurus.
we defy cynic, in fashionable
trowSers, to read it and not burst a but
ton or two off the place to which sus-
penders are hitched. 1t is simply "enor-
NOUS"
Mike took a notion to go in SWIM
ming, and he had just got his clothes
OIL, when he saw Deacon Smiths bull
making at him. The bull was a vicious
animal, and had come very near killing
two or three persons, consequently
Mike felt rather "jubus.'
lie didn't want to call for help, for
he was naked, and the nearest place
from which assistance could arrive was
the meetlng-hOuSe, which was at tho
time filled with worshippers. among
whom was the "gal Mike was paving
devotion to-" SO he lodged the bull as
the animal came at him, and managed
to catch him by the tail.
lie was dragged around till he was
nearly dead, and when he thought he
could hold no longer, he made up his
MIND that he'd better "holler." And
now we will let him tell his own story.
$50 looking at the matter in ali its
bearings, cum to the conclusion that
ia better let some one know whar |
was. SO l gin yell louder than a loco
motive whistle, and it want long be-
fore 1 seed the deacOn's two dOps A
coming down like as IT thev war see
ing which would get there fust.
81 knowed who they war arter-
they'd jlne the bull agin me. So sez
l, old brindle, as ridln, is as cheap as
walking on this route. if you have no
objections, I'll jist take deck passage
on that ar back O. yourn.' So l warn't
very long getting astride of him.
"Then. if you'd been thar, you'd have
sworn thar war nothing human in that
ar mix, the sile flew so orfully, as the
crltter and l rolled around the field
one dog on one side, and one on the
other, trying to cllnch my feet.
prayed and cussed until | could not
tell which l did at last-and neither
Warn,t of no use, they were so orfully
mixed up.
"Well, l reckon | rid about half An
hour this way, when old brindle
thought it war time to stop to take in
supply of wind and cool off a little.
so when we got around to tree that
stood thar, he naturally halted. so seZ |,
boy you'll lose one passenger Sartin. SO
L JiSt clum up a branch, kalkalating to
roost till starved, afore I'd be rid round
that ar way any longer.
Il war making tracks for the top OF
the tree, when | heard sumthin'
maxim an Orful buZZin' overhead. I
kinder looked, and if thar wasn't
we'll; thar's no use in swearin'-but it
war the biggest hornets nest ever btlt.
you'll gin in now, / reckon, Mike,
cause thar's no help for you.
"But an idea struck me then that I
stood heap better chance ridin' the
bull than Whar | was. SeZ |, old feller.
if you'll hold III ride to the next sta
ton, anyhow, let that be whar it will.
80 1 jist dropped about him agin'
and looked aloft to see what | had
gained by changin' quarters, and, gen.
tlemen, l am liar ii thar wasn't nigh
a half bushel of the stingin' varmints
ready to pitch into me when the word
go was gin.
"Well, 1 reckon they got it, for all
hands started for our company. Some
Of them bit the dogs-about a quart
struck me, and the rest charged on
brindle.
"rhis time the dogs led fust, dead
bent fer the old deacon's. and as soon
rs old brindle and | could get under
way, we followed. and rs | was only a
deck passenger, | had nothin' to do
with steerin' the craft; if | had we
shouldn't have run that channel any,
how.
"But, as said before, the dogs took
the lead--brindle and l next and the
hornets directly arter. The dogs vel
lin'-brindle hollerin' and the hornets
buZZin' and stingin'.
"Well, we had got about two hun
dred yards from the house, and the
deacon heard us and cum out | seed
him throw up his hand and tt lwhitc.
| reckon he was prayin' then, for he
didn't expect to be called for so soon,
and 1T warnt long neither afOre the
whole congregratiOn-men, women and
chlldren-Cum out and then al! hands
went to yellin'.
"None Of 'em had the fust notion
that brindle and belonged 20 this
world. L jist turned my head and
passed the whole congregation. Iseed
the run would be up soon, for brindle
couldn't turn an inch from q fence that
stood dead ahead.
"Wcll, we reached that fence, and
went ashore, over the critters head.
landing on the other side. and lay thar
1T warn't long afore sum of them as
was not so scared, cum runnin' to whar
| war; for all hands kalkerlated that
the bull and belonged together. But
when brindle walked by himself, they
seed how it was, and one of 'em said
Mike Finck has got the scummage
once in his life!"
"Gentlemen, from that day dropped
the courtin' biziness, and never spoke
to a gal since, and when my hunt is up
on this yearth, thar won't be any Finks,
and its all OWN to Deacon Smiths
brindle bull"
Three Children Drowned.