davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
Modest NFan-O. Smith.
one Little Weakness,

"I shall hope to see you, who are a
warm friend and patron of art, at my
concert this evening"" said an Austin
musician, to Varicose, the landscape
painter.
"Thank you, thank you" replied Vari-
cose; nothing would give me greater
pleasure, t-ahem II have one little
weakness which might interfere with
the performance.
"Ah! Nothing serious Hope. What
is it?"
"We1I-er-yo see, snore when I
sleep. "-TerGs Siftings.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
Retreat Under Cover.

Toto is walking with his grandmothe
In the forest.
"I say grandma" he cries, eff we
should meet wolff"
Don't be afraid; there are no wolves,
and if one should come would defend
you by putting myself in front of you.
That's right" replied Toto, for
while he was eating you would have
time to run away. PARTS HaGn1OT.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
AnUnkind Refusal.

%Marie," said Chappie, passionately,
"will you not take me? am all yours.
@Now, what could I do with you If I
did take you ?" she replied. @Pm not
collecting curiosities, and if I were I
wouldn't have a cage large enough for
you.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15

You can't decebe ME. niggerI for
femme tole you, Use phrenologer, an
can tell fun de bumps on yer
head dat you's done bin an ate dat wa
termillion. Texas Si1ti9gS.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
SMILES OFCONTENTMEN
ISSUED FROM THE PENS OF
VARIOUS HUMORISTS.

Pleasant incidents Occurring the world
Over-Sayings that Are Cheerful 70 the
Old or YOung-Jokes that Everybody
win Enjoy Reading.
Why Her ChoIer Hose.
Mrs. Jinks-O, Thomas, Thomas,
what shall we do with our daughter? /
heard her talking to herself In her
room, Just now, while she was dress
ing, and she said d-damn twice.
Mr.. Jinks-Let's see. She has be-
gun wearing boiled shirts like a man
lately, hasn't she.
"Yes, but what has"
@Everythingl She probably lost her
collar button down the back of he1
ueck. "-LGlUre71c american.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
CHAPTER VII.

H E n Y an c @
reached home af-
ter his interview
with Radd More
land, he found
Mr.. Wyeville in
bis office await
ing him with the
greatest excite
ment and impa-
thence.
"Come in, my
dear boy, &" was
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
Total Abstinence.
why Her ChoIer Rose.

Temperance Missionary-And does
your husband drink liquor?
Mrs. O'Toole-Bless y sowll He
hasn't tiched drap fer three years.
T. M-That's good thing Tor you.
Mrs. O'Toole-A good thing, is it
An me as has been a wilder ever since
thot day, and wild five childer to sup
mort
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
How 1t Affects Them.

Blase Heiress-What was that you
were just reading aloud?"
Miss Debutante-An editorial on love.
BIase Heiress-Oh, I knew it was
something like that. or wouldn't have
gone to sleep.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
Preparing for the Worst.

"What did the doctor say about your
wife?"
worst. So I don't know whether he
meant she's going to live or die"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
at Lake Geneva.

Mr.. Hardhit-Engagedl How you
have deceived me! Farewell forever.
Miss Flutter-Oh, wait a minute.
Are you going to be here next month ?
Mr.. H.-NeverI
Miss F.-What a pity. I might be
able to make arrangements by that
time. You know.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
A wise Bird,

First Bird-See that dog looking at
us? He's pointer, and city sports
man is back there with a gun.
Second Bird (of several seasons ex-
perience)-My! my! that dog is in a
dangerous position. Street d Smiths
Good Ne1US.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
Applies to a Good Many.

Snapper is that idiot that Just
went out, leaving the door open?
Cynic-He's the fellow who swore so
because some one else left it open.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15

Edith-What bore Mr.. SIowgo isl
Don't you hate to have him call on
you?
Maud-No, indeed.
why. should think he'd bore you
to death while he stayed.
@He does. But then it's such pleas
ure to have him go."-LGaUFe9lce
american.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
A Cruel Snort,

Young Lady-Don't you think fox
hunting a cruel sport?
Escort-Ya-as, it is. It's regular tor.
ture, bajoYe. haven't been athletic sit
down fob a week.-Street d Smiths
Good NelCs.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15

WNDMMLs were not known in En-
gland at the conquest, but were in
troduced In less than a century after
ward.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
After the Honey-aIoon.

Shs-But why do you say I don't
care for you any more?
He-Ohl I know I'm nothing more
to YOU. Only the other day that puppy
died, and you had it stuffed. Would
you do as much for me?
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15

The head-waiter-Isn yo' gwin t. tip
me, sab?
Mr.. Hayborn-Lord, mol I won't
touch yer. You amt been very 'tentive,
but don't lay it up agin yer 'nough t
lay hands on yer.-,JaEdge.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15

The present moment is q powerful
deity.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
After Marriage

Wife-What are you doing, dear?
Husband Gin reflective attitude)-
Thinking.
Wife-Are you thinking of your little
WHEY, love?
Husband-No. I was thinking of
something.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15
the Bank.

Modest man, aware of the august
presence into which he is ushered, and
painfully alive to his own insignifcauce
II wish to make deposit"
Bank Official (hurriedly) = What
name?
Modest Man-C. Smith,
Bank Official with whitening sar-
casm)-C.l Huh! what's c.?
Modest Man (cheerfully)-C? Why,
is the third letter in the alphabet,
sounded hard, like K, before a, o, u, l,
r, s, and t, and soft, like s, before e,
and y.-Nel0 York Times.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-01-15

Miss Ontente-What perfectly lovely
roses!
Outpocket-Y a-as, exquisite.
(To the diminutive flower girl) C-can
You-er-aheml- er-cash q check p
Judge.
, 1891-08-29


Prof. J. d. Conlcy and Prof. Dice Nc
Laren, who yesterday paid a visit to the
Douglas-W illan-SartorIs ranch and to the
Fee ranch, report hat they we're delighted
with what they saw. At the first men
toned ranch they saw 275 acres of oats
which stood about as high as their chins
and loaded with grain. 1t will probably
run sixty bushels to the acre. At the
Fee ranch the wheat was crown without
irrigation and vet it is as full and plump
and fine as any ever seen.
George Roman and two friends from
Nebraska, DR.. Holbrook. p. q. Rauner,
Dolph Wolcott and Billy Baker and one of
his brakemen left today for their ten days
trip to the Snake river country where
they will indulge in fishing and hunting.
They go to Rawlins, where they will be
met by Charles Aver, their guide, with
teams.
Today a party composed of Edward
Ivinson, Bishop Talbot and brother, DR..
Barnes. G. B. Grow and Otto Gramm
are engaged in packing up for their big
bear hunt on the continental divide in the
direction of Hahn's peak. They will take
pack horses and wagons and 90 prepared
to remain away a month. They leave at
dsybreak in the morning.
, 1891-08-29

DETROIT, Aug. 2S.-A coincidence that
rivals fiction occurred at the Russell
house, in this city, during the past TWEEN
tY four hours, and it Is the main subject
of conversation here. At IL O'Clock last
evening a party consisting of A. II. Whit
ney and wife and Mrs. Headley. of Tor
onto, Ont, and Mr.. G. K. Thomas, of
Boston. arrived in the city. and took a
carriage to the Russell house. Mr.. Whit
ney, Young. accomplished, the possessor
OF a great estate and only 20 years of age,
married to a lady of most charming quail
ties. was yet in the last stages of con-
sumption. His friends were taking him
to New Mexico tor his health. and know
ing hat the journey must be by easy
stages, decided to have their first rest in
Detroit. The young man, however, died
Just as the carriage reached the Russell
house. Now comes the strange part. At
1880 o'clock today a party from Quincy,
ILL.,, reached the Russell house. Its NOV
ing spirits seemed to be Mr.. A. II. Whit
ney and wife. This Mr.. Whitney, al
though Of exactly the same name as that
of the unfortunate young man from To-
ronto. was not related to him in any way.
He appeared to be 60 years old, prosper
Gus. happy and healthy. Curiously enough
the Mr.. and Mrs. Whitney from Quincy
were assigned to a room opposite the one
from which the sobs of Mrs. Whitney Of
Toronto issued. The Illinois couple had
been in their room but five minutes when
a woman's shrek was heard from it and
Mrs. Whitney appeared in the hallway
pale and distressed. Her husband was
found lying dead Upon the floor, heart
disease having taken him off in the twink
ling of an eye. Two A. II. Whitnevs lay
dead in close proximity in one hoteltoday,
one coming from the Eas:, the other from
the West, and a fearful wife hung over
the remains of each. The singular coiuci.
dence of death cast a deep gloom over the
hotel. Everything possible was done to
assist the widows and their friends and
to soften the effect of the terrible blows.
The story of the coincidence was told to
each widow, and the thoughts and SYM
patty which it caused to arise within
them engaged their minds for a time and
did them good by taking them away for a
brief space OF time from their own partic,
ular grief. The meeting OF the two ladies
was exceedingly touching. The remains
of A. Fl. Whitney of Toronto we're taken
back today, but the remains Of Mr.. A. H.
Whitney OF Quincy, ILL.,, are awaiting the
arrival of a son.
, 1891-08-29


For a considerable time the Old Col
ony railroad has had in use a piston valve
packed with Trips packing, this de
vice, according to the report, giving no
trouble from leakage, which is the great
objection to the plain piston valve. The
port does not have to be bridged, the
packing being such that it cannot fall
out or catch IN the edges of the port,
and to give a still larger area of port
opening with the same travel of valve,
a square piston valve has been devised.
The latter is sixteen inches wide and
about three inches high, and for a certain
width of opening admits steam past the
upper and side edges as well as the seat
opening, thus more than doubling the
area of opening for the same travel of
valve. This applies as well to the ex-
haust as the steam edge, giving a quick
release as well as admission of steam.
Being of the piston type, the valve is
balanced, and, to keep it steam tight, is
packed IN top and at the sides. The
packing is an inch thick all around, and,
as it is held out by springs, an excess OF
pressure in the cylinders will cause the
valve to lift from the seat, acting as a
relief into the chest. This device, there
fore, is said to possess all the advantages
Of the simple slide valve, and in addition
practically double ported and balanced.
New York Sun.
, 1891-08-29
ABBOTT'S WARDROBE
1t is Sold at Auction in New
York City.
100000 Worth of Finery Goes
for 1854.
Strange Coincidence at a De-
troit Hotel.

New YORK, Aug. Is. - Whenever
Emma Abbott, the prima donna who
died several months ago, was preparing
to produce an opera, she kept Worth and
Felix and all the crack dressmakers of
Paris and London working overtime to
make dresses for her. Her entire ward
robe cost her nearly 5000, 900. yet almost
all of this finery, all, IN fact, except half
a dozen dresses. was sold at auction to-
day for 81, 954.0 5. There were perhaps
auotion rooms when the sale began.
William b. Norman was the customer,
and close by his chair sat Mrs. Lizzie
Abbott Clark, a sister of the deceased
singer, to whom the dresses had been lett
1t was evident from the first that almost
all of those who had come to the sale
were actuated by curiosity. They were
mostly women, and looked as if they had
dropped in from a shopping tour for a
little diversion. AT IL O'Clock an attend
ant came from behind a curtain from the
rear part OF the room Juggling n figure
clad IN a white dress with a gigantic tram.
This is what the catalogue said about the
dress: l. White embroidered. trained
dress for SemiIamide. The a%uctioneer let
the dress go for sI3. SO Nos. . and 3
we're another similar" and each ''simi-
succession twenty five gowns and waists
and skirts that we're sold for prices rang
ing from 81 to S24. These all went to
the spectators without much bidding.
Then came twenty three pairs of shoes.
and gncb Chpaa Thara mara satin ehnoa
and leather shoes, and "Mikado" slippers
and Norma sandals and Carlo
slippers, and their colors were pale blue,
dark blue, pale green, scarlet, ruby, gray,
crimson, lavender, gold and scarlet. They
went to three or four bidders. The
lowest price they brought was seventy five
cents, the highest 81. so. Then came the
tights aad the hose. There was a little
tiuttcr in the room when the attendant
brought out a heap of gay tights and
stockings and held them up one by one.
The tights went to the spectators for
81, 81 so ard IS respectively. The stock
ings, however, excited more interest.
Nearly everybody in the room bid on
them. and they went for S. so a PAIR to
different bidders. Then came the trained
costumes. The au%ctioneer became dis
gusted. One after another he put up the
fine costumes of Miss Abbott. but as soon
as he saw that there was no bidding be
withdrew them. There was IL Juliet"
dress, crepe-de-chine, trimmed with
crochet lace and made by Worth, the
daintiest thing you ever saw, and it went
for S55.
II bad expected a lot of actresses here"
said Mrs Clark, but | guess they are all
broke. I'm going to sell the dresses with
drawn next week. [ can't keep them
myself, and if [ cannot get decent prices
for them, why, it's a pity that's all"
, 1891-08-29
Irrigation in wyoming.

WASHINGTON, Aug. 2S.-The census
Office today issued a bulletin on irrigation
in Wyoming. There are l,9l7 farms ir-
rigated out of a total of 1926. The to-
tai area of land IN these l,6l7 farms is
! SOC, $50 acres, upon 229. &c acres of
which crops were raised by irrigation in
tie year 1889. In addition, there were
240. 600 acres irrigated for grazing pur-
poses. The average first cost of a water
right is $780, per acre, and the average
cost of preparing the soil for cultivation,
including the purchase price of the land,
80. AZ per acre. The average present value
of the irrigated land of the state, includ
ing buildings. etc, is S3l 40 per acre.
showing an apparent profit, less the cost
OF the buildings, of SIS 30 per acre. The
average annual cost of water is $9.44 per
acre. which, deducted from the average
annual value of the products per acre,
leaves an average annual return of 81. 81
per acre.
The tendency throughout the entire
arid region. says the bulletin, is to de
scribe as irrigated all land to which water
has been applied within any recent period;
to which bitches, perhaps so far destitute
of water, have been constructed, and
even land for which water rights merely
are claimed has placed the census Office
under the necessity OF absolutely restrict
ing itself in its official bulletins on irriga-
ton to land on which crops were actually
raised by the artificial application of water
during the year 1889. Farms or stock
ranches IN Wyoming. irrigated merely
for grazing purposes, therefore, have not
been taken into account in this bulletin
beyond the foregoinR statement as to their
approximate total area.
, 1891-08-29
STARVING RUSSIANS.
DeplOrable Condition of the
Peasant Glasses.
Hundreds Begging for Food
on the Roadside.
Emigration Going on by the
Wholesale.
Begging on the Roadside.

BERLIN, Aug. 2S Russian news
papers entirely confirm the recent re-
ports of terrible distress mong the
peasants in the Volga valley. The people
are IN a condition of utmost restitution,
without clothes and food. Swarms OF
families are reported begging on the
roadside. KT1oldnin, published in Kieff,
considers the condition of the peasants
desperate. Already immersed in poverty
and indebted to the state, while taxes,
which they are unable to pay, accumulate,
by next spring the entire Russian peas
antry will probably be bankrupt. Re-
ports from Warsaw show that the peas
ants of Central Russia are emigrating by
wholesale. Five hundred men have al
ready abandoned their families in order
to emiRrate.
The Tossische Zeitung says Russia is
undergoing the periodical famine to
which she is subject and which becomes
more serious with each recurrence. owing
to her primitive husbandry and the in
d%ebtedness of her peasants.
The Cologne Gazette says 100000 bar
rels of rye have been imported from Rus
STA at exorbitant prices, when one-half
the amount would have been sufficient.
The Gazette demands that the govern
ment return all rye imports to Russia.
VIENNA, Aug. ga Russian e%cclesi-
astic who has just returned from a jour
ney through a district of the Russian
province of Kazan gives a heart-rending
account OF the incidents Of his trip. At
Narody there were people who had not
touched bread for a long time and we're
so weak that when he offered them food
some of them lacked strength to eat. In
all the public places OF the village were to
be seen famine stricken groups of people,
some in the last stage of apathy, others
raving for bread. The traveller was told
that the only food of the people for a
fortnight consisted of lime leaves pounded
into a pulp. Out of $50 families which
had inhabited the village forty seven had
died of hunger. In other districts the
population had been decimated BY starva-
ttna
, 1891-08-29

Cha@. Baker, who has charge of the
town herd was yesterday found in a senss-
less condition, his body as limp as a wet
dish rag. DR.. Stuver attended him and
soon mad him in a comfortable state.
Charlie states hat two men came up to
him and compelled him to drink some.
thing presumably whisky out of a bottle
and that soon after drinking it he became
insensible.
The wires never carried more salts
factory tIdings than the message from
Chief Surgeon Galbraith of the Union
Pacific Railway system u DR.. Magee,
appointing him railway surgeon at
Rawlins. The doctor held the position
for many years and the abroVation of his
contract IN 1856 created general indig-
nation among the employees.
, 1891-08-29


j. Costello, an inmate of the state in
sane asylum here, took French leave and
departed for parts unknown last Monday
afternoon. The missing man is about so
years of age. five feet eleven inches in
height. OF slim build. with sandy gray
whiskers and wore a blue flannel shirt and
jean pants. Costello. was an Albany
county patient brought here from Jack
s%onyille about a year ago. He was in the
Lincoln asylum five years before going to
Jacksonville and has been in different
asylums for the past ten years. During
that time he has been allowed to take care
of stock and do the stable work. His
special care lately has been some calves,
which we're taken away when DIR. Hooker
removed to town and since which time
Costello seems to have been lost. He is
not considered a dangerous man at all but
has rather cranky ideas on the ownership
of land, which he believes to he as bad as
the ownership of slaves.
Word was received from La Barge by
Sheriff Ward, Monday. hat Indians from
both the Shoshone agency in Wyoming
and the Fort Hall agency in Idaho are
wantonly killing game in that section,
taking nothing but the hides and leaving
the carcasses to rot or be devoured by
the coyotes. The parties giving the infor-
nation ask that the Indians be compelled
to observe the game laws of the state, or
the citizens will be compelled to take the
matter in their own hands. PandoRil, a
Bannock Indian. seems to be at the head
OF the Indians.
, 1891-08-29

New YORK, Aug 2S.-The stock
market increased the volume of business
today and fully retained its strength. As
a rule prices were placed on a higher
level than yet attained during the present
rise. Burlington, St. Paul, Louisville
and the trunk lines we're all specially actS
i've and strong. The close was steady.
Governments-Steady.
Petroleum closed at 63.
Money on call easy; closed offered at 3.
Bar Silver. 9S.
Lead-Steady. Domestic. S4.474.
Tn-Falrly steady. Straits, $40. O5.
Following are closing prices OF stocks:
u. s. As, registered, Ia: coupon, l7g;
AIS registered, 1901; coupon, 1901; Pacific
6s, 9; Atchison, 39l; Canada Pacific. 81;
Canada Southern, 544: Central Pa
ciic. sit; Burlington, 92}. Delaware.
l4ackawanna 4 Western. 800: Denver h
RIO Grande. preferred. 453: Erie, 24!;
Kansas 4 Texas. l6s; Lake Shore, l5J;
Louisville 4 Nashville. 75s. Michigan
Central, 97l; Missouri Pacific, III; Nor
thern Pacific, 264; preferred, 7Oi;
Northwestern, l0J; preferred, 37f;
New York Central. l04; Oregon
Improvement, 27l; Oregon Naviga-
ton. 73; North American, l4s;
Pacific Mail, 35i; Reading, 33I; Rio
Grande Western, 4O4 preferred, II;
tirsts. &c: Terminal, 1875: Rock Island.
sol; Milwaukee h st. Paul. 6S4;
St Paul X Omaha, PSI; Texas Pacific,
l35; Union Pacific, 4Ol; Oregon Short
Line, 25i; u. S. Express, 5S; Fargo FIX
press. IS; Western Union, $50. American
cotton oil. 24l.
CHICAGO, Aug - -Cattle-Receipts
! 900 Market active and strong to
higher. Prime natives. s. 90C96. 10;
good to choice, S. 3O(65.S5 others. S3.I5
@3 90; Texans. 50 I0(d3 30; stockers,
81 35Cd2 60; rangers, 81. 400 ). so.
Sheep-Receipts 1000. Market act
i've and stronger. Ewes. S3.75(04. 60;
wetbers. 81 9O(G5. 25; mixed, 81 7O(a4.SO;
" estern wetbers, SO. loot 80.
, 1891-08-29

NEWARK. N. j., Aug. 2S.-A
hurricane swept over the lower part of the
city this afternoon. covering a space of
about a mile and a quarter long and one
eighth of a mile wide. Great damage was
done to property and several persons were
painfully Injured by flying debris, but no
fatalities are yet reported. 1t struck first
at the corner Of Bowery and Lexington
streets, where the roof of a three story
building was torn off and carried down
street. On Oliver street. an ~untenanted
three story brick building, formerly used
as a factory, was completely demolished
and the adjoining buildings badly dam
aged. Tin roofs seemed to be its especial
prey, and a number OF them, together
with skylights, etc, are lying about the
streets and dangling from telegraph wires.
Bowerv and Gross streets are strewn with
debris.
, 1891-08-29
Shot His Neigh Dor.

OMAHA, Aug. 2s "A D~oniphan spe-
tial to the Bee says: This morning G. A.
Schultz shot and MORALLY wounded J. p.
Farr. Both men are prominent farmers
with lands adjoining. They had had
trouble for some time, and this morning
Schultz, who had been drinking heavily
for the past faw days, told his family hat
he would never again eat, sleep or drink
until he had killed Farr. He cleaned his
shotgun, loaded it with shot, bullets and
chunks of lead, then going to Fairs place
he walked up to within fifty feet of the
latter, who was working in a field. and
shot him. FAIR will die. Schultz sur.
rendered TO the authorities.
, 1891-08-29
ParneIIites Hold the Fort.

LONDON. Aug. 2S.-The Dublin Free
mans Journal trouble has resulted in a
deadlock. The directors, instead of i'm
mediately ~resigning, found a way to retain
temporary possession under one of the
articles of association. The fortnight's
notice necessary to elect a new directorate
was not given. In the meantime the
paper will support Parnell and the old
will prepare to issue a new organ.
Archbishop Walsh declined to allow his
votes to be used on either side. Arch
bishop Croke voted with Gray. The poll
that the Liberal wire puIler, Mr..
S~chnadhorst, is a Shareholder.