davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
Uncle JOe's MOnODoiy.

Uncle Joe Is one of the most ingenious
darkies In Washington. The other day
he contrived t, make rude whee barrow
fer himself. The morning after it was
completed he went out to try it, but was
dismaytd to find it gone.
'clah TO graciousp he exclaimed,
knowed dat wah a mighty heap nice
wheelbarrow, but di MT spec it gwine
TO run OF by its own self.
He presently found it in use in Jake
Turner's garden.
Jake, what you dom wild my new
wheelbarrow, I'd like to know
WY, inc g Joe, faint none NV yo'rn.
Hit belongs to de community. For you to
keep it would be a monopoly.
'Hant done made it? cried Uncle ,Ioa.
An haint it mine?'
No. it haint, said Jake. ''T wuz 70 IN
afo the wheel was put on it, but when
you put the wheel on you done los it,
What's tn wheel got to do wild it -
Wy, you see, | done hear Cunl Beck,
the kaintucky senator, say cat when a
man writ book 'twuz n, but if he
print 1t It wuznt hls'n. An printin
makes a book go, an a wheel makes a
wheelbarrow go. Cunl Beck said dat it
wuz monopoly to give man the book
he writ arter 1t wuz printed. So sez it's
monop ly for Uncle Joe tohave his whee =
barrow when the wheels on.
you g'lung, said Uncle Joe, Going of
with tie wheelbarrow; :. done made it.
and it s mine, wheel UT no wheel What
& cd S wheelbarrow 'thouta wheel?'
We'll, what goods book that you
can't print? An Cunt Beck he said
oh you shet up, Jake. Some nggahs
gifts so smart it makes EN- fools. An as
fer Cun'l Beck, don t want TO be dis.
spectful, but if he ever said any such stuff
l don't reckon he meant it. Any way
this amt Kaintucky, an efyou go oil with
my wheelbarrow again l Il have you TUX
up. You heah, now?'-Washingto Post.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
FORCE OF HABIT
Strange Freak of an old Scotch -,

strange FREAK OF an Ola SCOTCH Sai
1t was after dinner at Younp's
ell-knownw Commonwealth Aven,.
physician had been dining with a ia
professional cronies, and as the cpa,s
were lighted the talk drifted to the IL
bacco habit, first in it's peculiar effect.
upon the race at large, and then in its
peculiar effects upon the various ind.
| viduals.
81 know man." said the elder DIV.
stefan, whose income, by the wav
runs into the'fve figures; Gin fact, hs !,
now in my employ, who is the victim
of the strangest whims in regard tn
use OF the weed that ever came under
my observation. He is Scotchman
about sixty years old. Twelve years
ago he deserted from the English NAVY
and came to this country, when l gave
him q place as coachman.
Gone morning went into the stable
and noticed that q hole about two
| feet square had been cut in part.
ton between two stalls and little
shelf had been nailed up underneath
it. l wondered what on earth it had
been done for, but Donald was away
at the time, and when he came back
it had slipped my mind.
at was as much as O. week after.
ward before l had occasion to go into
the stable again, and when | did
found Donald standing on O. stool
leaning his elbow on the shelf, witha
long clay pipe in his mouth, smoking
away like good one, and blowing
the smoke through the little window
he had cut. Upon my questioning
him he told me that of the twenty
years he had passed in Her Majestyts
service ten OF it had been on board a
powder ship, where the rules against
smoking were very strict.
During all this time he had been
accustomed four times a day to stand
upon chest and lean out OF port
hole to smoke, so that no one would
smell him, and when at last he tool
French leave he found that he could
not get any satisfaction out of pip
unless INDUCED in the old posture and
so, from that day to this, you can
find him after each meal, and for hall
an hour before coming to bed, stand.
ing on that stool blowing the smoke
through the little window" Boston
Herald.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
Queer Electrical Mishap.

A queer accident befell Portland
woman recently. An electric light wire
had sagged to the timed roof of her
house, and the current was conducted
by the water conductor on the out
side OF the house to trap in the eel
lar, thence by the waste pipe to n.
washstand on the second floor, thence
by the water pipe to the street, SO
that when the lady put her hand on
the faucet of the water pine She
couldn't let go. But luckily the wind
was blowing, and, as the wires sway
ed' the water pipe and its adiuncts
were electrified with but an intermit-
tent current, so the lady was liberated
after a few minutes imprisonment
and considerable suffering. ewiston
Journal.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
moreover, capital listeners. asked him

moreover, capital listeners, asked him
questions about his life at Oxford
"Life" be said; lit can scarcely be
called life. All term time from nine
in the morning to nine at night l try to
fill up yacuum-created by nature,
but which nature does not seem to alb
hor--in young fellows brains. You
look upon tutors calling as rather an
intellectual one, don't your"
Naturally we do"
Then lie undeceived. A man who
keeps shop requires far greater gifts.
He has variety of things to sell. and
variety of customers to send away
equipped with what they want. My
customers are all the same my wares
don t vary. / assure you, ISIS Clauson
the dull, Level stupidity of the typical
undergraduate is appalling.
~ hen it needs a clever man to i'm
prove them
Perhaps so-but clever in whatp
Not in learning. Clever in knowing
what they are likely to be asked in ex-
animation. Clever in cutting off all
superiluous work AS for the learning
the tutor need only be a page ahead of
pupil and that does not constitute
a supreme effort. Did you ever see a
fireworks manufactoryPn
He asked eatrce this. 1t seemed
a sudden departure from the subject.
Of course she mad never seen a firework
mandatory
fro BE CONTINUED
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

KALAKAUA, whose earthly career is
run. was not powerful monarch or a
wise. He lacked skill in finance. He
always struggled with IL deficit OF
something like three quarters of a
million annually, but was as buoyant
as Micawber himself. and had an abid-
ing confidence in two pairs, kings up,
that was touching to see. In the ear
Tier days his race had habit OF dininr
on any stray Europeans who might
touch at their ports through stress OF
weather, but this practice arose not
from any unkindness OF heart but
through inveterate habit stimulated
by emptiness OF stomach. They be-
came In time the most amiable and
Aospltable OF people, and instead OF
living upon Europeans. Europeans
commenced to live on them. Contact
Sith tho white man has been their
>ane. He taught vice to the native
more destructive than man-eating. and
incuicsted in the monarch an un-
wholesome and faulty hankering for
poker.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
Life Substance.

Protoplasm is Il name which has
been given to what supposed to be a
basic substance or principle of life, a
molecular composition OF ultimate ele-
ments in which the processes of life
could be manifested. But now it is
known that the protoplasm or basic
living substance of blood corpuscles
differs from that of the nettle sting.
Plant and animal protoplasms arenot
one and the same thing chemically and
cannot be converted one into the other
except through the process of dying,
serving as food and being assimilated
by either some animal or plant organ
ism. In short, there appears to beno
one substance to which the name pro-
toplasm can berightly and exclusively
applied, whereas it may be fairly APP
piled to a great variety of crude
materials that may enter into the
composition of some kind of living
thing. The fundamental unit of life
still escapes the scientists who pursue
it. They can only say thus far that
there is living matter or that which
exhibits the phenomena of life, and
that which does not. An essential diff
ference between these two remain to
be discovered, Exchange.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
"Air-Tights,"
The Funny Man Plays Joke on His
Landlady.


"Air-tights; didn't you ever hear OF
them?" inquired Clerk Shefer, who
stands behind the Mexican onyx desk
at the Auditorium, Chicago, when tell
ing story to party of acquaint-
ances the other day. "Well, there are
a few, might say many, air-tights on
the West Side, and a boarder in one of
these places on Washington Boulevard
had lots OF fun with his fellow-suffer-
ers. The day before Christmas the
landlady promised those in the house
an elaborate dinner for the next day.
The funny boarder, however, knew the
promises would not be fulfilled as he
had eaten Christmas dinner in 1889 at
her house, so he prepared to arrange a
little surprise for those who had not
had much experience. He came here
december "a and asked me if he could
have one of our menu cards. | refused
to let him have it, but when he told
me the use he intended to make of it,
| gave him dozen cards. The day
after the Christmas dinner he told me
what sensation the menu cards had
created. The boarders came down to
dinner beaming with expectation, he
said and under each of their plates
found our beautiful decorated bill of
fare. Over the name of the hotel he
pasted a pretty little picture card.
The menu promised outlets of Spanish
mackere, Siberian punch, roasted
shad, mayonnaise de volatile
brogatiouX, and the like of that.
One of the boarders tainted after look
ing over the menu card, so the funny
man told me, and another who did not
discover the affair was joke said to
the waiter.
60 Bring me in little of the mayon-
naise.'
"rhe waiterhad't heard of the menu
cards, and thought that the boarder
was in a hurry for his dinner. He
brought in n plate of corn-beef and
cabbage. This was too much for him,
and he left the table. The scene that
followed the disappointment of her
boarders was alively one, and the fun
ny man is now at another 'air-tight.'
The landlady refused to forgive him
and he had to move"
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
FELINE AGILITY.
Some Set-Forth Reasons why Cats
Keep Thin.

Some Set-Forth Reasons why Cats
Keep Thin.
Have you ever inquired how it is
that cats can combine with their pro-
verbal idleness such great agility?
Muscular inaction leads Just as much
in other kinds of animals us in the
human species to obesity; the dog
which does not hunt, the horse kept
IN the stable, becomes fat and slug
glsh. Wild animals even, if kept in a
cage, where they are forced into the re-
pose OF domestic life, very rapidly lose
their slenderness of figure and their
ease OF movement.
Why does the cat escape the ordi-
nary law, and why, in spite of the
TACT that it rarely moves, does it sell
dom become fat, as does a dog or
horse under similar circumstances?
1t is because its inability is not that
OF inaction, and its nerves are work
ing while its muscles seem at rest
Like the fencer waiting the moment
to attack, the cat is constantly ready
to spring. 1t is is always watching
something's rat, a fly, or q Joint OF
meat.
a drawlng-room cat makes only
three or four springs in the course OF
a day, but each of them has been pre-
coded by two or three hours of latent
work.
When we believe that the animal is
engaged in happy dream it is medi-
tatlng a capture, calculating the dis
tance OF Its spring, and holding it's
muscles IN readiness for anything that
may happen.
Hence 1t is never taken by surprise.
II n little bird escapes from the cage
IT is caught and eaten in three seconds.
Inc cat has been watching it for n
lying in wait.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

subject. The similarity of their natures,
no doubt, accounted for til S.
Herbert" said Horace, al last,
"you are thinking of what Beatrice
said?'
Eyes, | am
$50 am l. 1t seemed revelation,
but we oughtn't to jump at conclu-
sions =
mo" said Herbert, "but the fact
remains. Some four years ago he had
nothing but his fellowship to live
upon
"You are right. nothing. Beatrice
spoke justly. She may by chance have
struck the mark.
81 am afraid so. Still we must not
be hasty. Yet, whoever sent til at child
must have fancicd it had some claim on
us."
at is riducu Gus to suppose that an
entire stranger would have done such q
thing"
"Quite So" said Herbert.
HE may have been much tempted;
at that time have been driven to his
wits end It is sad aifair-let us try
and piece it together "
Then, like couple of old women,
they commenced TO construct their new
theory.
I'VE will say" began Horace, "hc
was married four years ago."
~ ct was dishonorable enough to
conceal it; so that he might hold his
fellowship"
"Of course this is all suppostion,
said Horace. he word dishonorabe
in connection with one of his own kin
grated on his ear.
Exactly so. | should suspect that
the wife died perhaps recently. per-
haps shortly after the birth OF the
child"
1.-THE latter / should think. Frank
makes large income now, and could
at ord to give up two hundred year"
Eyes; the wife died ter the birth of
the boy. The older the child got the
more trouble he found it to conceal its
identity. Thereupon he sends it to us,
trusting we may keep it,
''And now. after declining former
invitttions, he comes to us himself
The further we pursue the matter the
clearer il becomes
;.. M -, -,
eAciteuient' lnal they couiu ura"
iVSiHal tnie.en es We naye zen ny r Sho
h a VI Ann 1enh,hs stochlngsi ihc
D w iiuo potii peei lS.lesseI thaI
az eieit sprcuiaVlons as 10 iit.ie larry
ol,s.n hau ialien 10 .he Srounu ior
want oi proper support NOW at laso'
was u tneory wlicn; II II renecteu us
hono. on eonuc' elon VI ,he,rs, was ~
iens. telaole' u was lmpropaole' put
=; ;'e Whole d ar was SO o. monstrous .nat
~ neeoeu r an iinprooap,llty 70 account
~, H. ihey apsoluteiy argueu eheln
s ss,,, Is 'u'o oe''ev'hg 'hey had iound 'he
truth: ;,
lucot Is the junction 1or Ox1ord'
oon,,nueu iier.er', after Il pause
nosiues, sa'u horace we cannot
solseI .nal ms CONDUCT once was no1
"n i.,r, u snou,u nave neen'
W. hat .ne worst OF gong wrong;
NO amount Oh straiSht running Will
MANI peorie csase 10 look ao 'lnes
asNnnce' Ing WORK OF reformation Is
en.lu pay 10 tlat OF making, your
iri gl peileVe you nave ~ reformed.
ineielole Horace Ialnert remark
was ci'ncncr' Herbert toyed with
'ne open le.'er.
,,, small We senu lhls! ne asked.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
A PARTING.
BY ARIsTINE ANDERSON.

'fDo you regret o Lovel' he said
In solemn thought she bowed her head
And when she raised 1t, in her eyes
The love for which man lives-or dies
81 have forgot Regret" said she;
"With love like this it cannot be-"
do you regret, my Kingl" she said.
More proudly rose the regal head;
"My answer does not need space
For thought. Regret has had no place
Since on my brow lovos seal you set.
Sorrow must come but not Regret"
They walk with Duty separate ways;
But through the weary years an days
Abides their faith in love once known,
Although for bread Fate gives a stone.
Through space and time shine lovelit
eyes,
And Heaven may hold glad surprise.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

1T costs more than two years salary
oil a member OF the house OF repre-
sentatives to distribute his eulogy.
This Is not the whole cost OF his death
to the country. The announcement
OF his death to the house is followed
by motion to adjourn. and part or
whole OF legislative day is thus lost
For long time the practice has
been to devote another day, or part OF
day, to the making OF more or less
perfunctory eulos les, most OF which
have in common the characteristics OF
latness and chronic and excess i've
misquotation OF poetry OF all grades
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

A PARIS newspaper has the import
ant information that thousands of
irritated Sioux have emerged from
their homes in Omaha and swarmed to
the little frontier colony OF Pine
Ridge, where they surrounded the
United States cavalry, who were In
danger OF annihilation. Meanwhile
Porcupine Creek. in Dakota. has been
the scene Of a horrible massacre of the
Indians, and the Americans had .oe-
gun a genuine war of determination
upon the natives" at is reserved, ~
we are told, 'for the people OF North
America to promote colonization by
the destruction and massacre OF the
n atives." All OF which is novel and
interesting information for American
readers.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

THE American dudes and dudines"
could not get along in Japan. In that
land the act OF flirting is penal Of
.cnse. Serious complications arise
oaer the law. but the young people
o both soxes know that they cannot
wink and blink and giggle at each
other unless they mean business.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

WITH all other nations looking TO
America for supplies, and with the
emigration TO 1t OF the industrial class,
it is but natural that capital should
follow whore there is such demand
for its Investment and where 1T is
being led by those whose employment
is its surest and safest means OF in
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

s.F man who invented rubber over
shoes didn't have national monu-
meut erected TO his memory. although
he deserved it better than some men
who have been greatly honored be-
cause they were In the patriot BUSH
ness for revenue only.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

The whole question OF the food sup
ply OF nations has yet to be studied
and its international bearings made a
practical part OF commercial life. 1t is
vital question, and the more so when
we see that the drift OF human energy
Is away from agricultural to manu-
featuring. This stampede continued,
and the world yet will have to face a
famine or do Its business with but lit
tie on its stomach and much less on its
ribs
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
Mothers as Wage-Earners.

For years the world has been on moral
crusade against the employment of chill l.
zen IN mines and factories, viii e tile far
greater evils that result from the mothers
going out as wage-earners have attra ted
comparatively little attention. Labor,
within certain limits, is good for the child,
giving 1t wholesome moral discipline,
and training it for the business by which
it is to earn its livelihood, but, when a
married woman has to neglect her natural
du les for the responsibilities that proper
ly belong to the o her sex, it is time for
humanity to protest In the name of her
offspring. No one individual can fulfill
satisfactorily the double or | should say,
the triple function of bearing and rearing
chill rem, and providing for their MAIN
tenance. | am a laboring woman mys If,
and hay. met with some success as a
brea1-winner; and know tn It the con-
dit.ons of performing this function salts
factorily are quite Incompatible with those
arduous and important duties which make
such heavy demands upon ever conscen-
tlous mother, especially among the pc +.
In the homes of the very poor there are
no hired servants to keep the household
machinery running smoothly while the
mi tress is away. The wife of the labor
ing man Is frequently cook, nurse, house
maid laundress all in one; and if she
must go out as breadwinner besides,
what is to pre- ent the domestic engine
from running OF the track AMI getting
itself hopelesslg ditched?
OF the two ev Is if both are evils, | am
persuaded that it is better that the cnill
should go out to labor than the mother.
Liberty, uncurbed by the check rain OF
parental restraint, is more than doubt
full blessing, for the loss of which the
child that takes its mothers place in the
shop or the mill is more than compensated
by the advantage of having her care al
home. From 81 ducation and the fm
ployment of Children, Eliza L. Andrews,
in Popular Science Monthly.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
Scared B0arders.

Some Butfaloans who were seated at
beard ng Rouse break asst suddenly los.
tier appetite on hearing the 70 flowing
conversation between the landlady and
the II ad-of-sll-work:
Maid-The csna Is dead, mum.
Mistress-Wtat did you do with 1t?
Mai Threw 1t in the hash box.
The boarders left their hash untastcd,
and didn feel easy until they learned
that the new girl was Eip.lish, and that
she had deposited the dead bird IN the re-
eeptacle intended for al s.-New York
Star
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

MEN who invest money and lose are
Away glad when they can find some
one on whom they can cast the re-
sponsibility. They go In with enthus-
iasm for something OF which they
have no knowledge except by general
report, and when it turns out badly
they look around, finding fault because
somebody did not investigate for them
and tell them not to do It,
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

A WEALTHY Canadian has been trav
cling about the country with mission.
That mission is to save shoe leather
to the world. He insists that if every
body would reach three inches more at
every step the saving OF boots and
shoes in America alone would be 1927,
OOD. 900 per Yenr.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26

A suPERsTITIoUs Imagination has
suffered many disappointments. The
nlnety-foot tower erected at Kearney,
N. j., in 1913, has been torn down.
Haskell built the tower, aud on
certain day assembled it with his
family expecting the Lord to snatch
them into heaven. They we're dis
appointed.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-02-26
A FAMILY AFFAIR.
CHAPTER TX CONTINUED.
BY HUGH CONWAY.

CHAPTER TX (CoSTINUED).
Old Talberts half-sister, who wa
some years younger than himself, NAL
ried, Just before the successful cour
came Oft, man named Carruthers. II
was no great :datch, and if Mr. Car
rutheis found domestic ISIS it was well
that he made his matrimonial arrange,
ments before the DO I'M in oil, tobacco,
corn, or whatever it was, sent Mr..
albert to u lakewood House and county
soc ETY. Had he deferred it till then
the chances are that Mr.. Talbert would
have insisted on his sister doing better;
for Carruthers had only moderate
fixed income, as manager of some
works in the north.
Somehow, after her marriage his
half-sister slipped away from Mr.. Tai
bert life. AS whole sisters and
brothers y often do the same this fact
not astonishing. Mrs. Carruthers
had several children but one after
another they died of. She wrote to her
half-brother announcing the birth or
the death of each. He answered her
letters in congratulatory or concllia
tory way as the occasion required
h was about all the correspondence
which passed between them When
Horace and Herbert were lanky boys in
Eton jackets and round collars, frank
Carruthers was born, and actually
lived long enough to give promise OF
growing up, Indeed, his father before
he ed saw his only surviving child a
strappng young fellow of seventeen.
Mr.. Carruthers left his widow an
annuity for life and few hundreds in
ready money. She lived well within
her income, and expended her capital
in finishing her son education. She
may have had some OF old Talberts
views of things in general although
lacking his means of carrying them out.
Anyway she sent her boy TO Oxford.
There, for three or four terms he be-
haved disgracefully.
He got into scrapes, difficulties and
debt. So far, indeed into the last that
his mother tor the first and only
time in her life, applied to Mr.. Talbert
for ass stance This was given readily
and the young man was once more set
off straight.
Then suddenly Mrs. Carruthers died
Cut OF her annuity she had saved
enough each year to pay premium of
assurance, and Frank, then iust twenty
one, found that her foresight and love
put him in possession OF some seven
teen hundred pounds.
Whatever his faults might have been
he was pass 'onately fond of his mother
Her death seemed to make changed
man of him. He Immediately paid back