New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1891-07-05

| 4 SPLENDID BUT IMPOSSIBLE TASK.
1t is too much to expect that cen the most
enterprising journal of civilization should DO
able 10 supply its readers upon ne Dolorous
Fifth with an absolutely accurate ard exhaustive
record of the vital statistics of ne Glorious
| Fourth. But our preparations to that end were
| careful and elaborate and we feel a consider
able measure OF pride and confidence in our con-
illusions. Several remote and iiolated counties
are yet to be heard from, and We cannot in all
cases be certain that we hav, Disseminated
Justly between tho vaporings OF the youngster
who is ashamed TO confess that lie is unscathed,
| and therefore falsely claims sons lovely lacera-
| ton, and the genuine hero Of tie hour with
slug in his groin and both eyes in eclipse.
Time and research will rectify such inadver-
tencies as these, and our readers my rely upon
our industry and good faith for The latest par
ticuarS; but even now we may he permitted
to point with satisfaction to newspaper
achievement of solid worth.
The community is aware that Tie TRIBUNE
is not in the habit Of embellishins its obituary
notices of college presidents, Supreme Court
Judges and the reverend clergy with portraits
| of the WhyO Gang, nor of inparting animation
| and verisimilitude 10 its reports Of sanguinary
conflicts between the Hatfield and McCOys with
pastoral reproductions from tie Academy OF De-
| sign. To this variety Of service our intellectual
and mechanical equipment il-adapted and
we frankly acknowledge the deficiency. More
over, a correspondent often leglects to inform
us that the smudge-faced dab who succeeded
In clipping with a misguided 'lOngshoremaD to
] ,1n4;xr a
beautiful and accomplished maiden moving IN
the most exclusive circles. Fer some reason we
| generally seem to miss these inspiring and de-
liciouS morSels, and we shall probably have to
keep on apoIogizing TO the end of time. But
when it comes TO the yerac;ous and symmetrical
narration of events which change the face OF
nature ahd mould the life of man our resources
and our energy are equal TO the emergency.
But before we enter inb the mnutiae OF the
superb havoc which was wrought yesterday
| throughout the land, under peculiarly fortunate
and brilliant auspices, and universally accepted
in spirit of exuberant sdf-Sacriice, let us con-
slider for moment the feeble and meagre
streamlet which has swelled to these magnifi-
cent proportions. When our sainted forefatherS
of the Revolution were dawding around the
swamps and mountains, losing leg here and
an arm there and by their utmost endeavors
merely sprinkling I few scattered acres with
their blood there was not man among them
not even the immortal George himself-who
would not have been put in straitjacket II he
had ventmed to predict that their descendants
would cause vast continent to weIter in gore
once a year in commomOration Of their inefect-
ual efforts to be slaughtered
Having absorbed into our inner Consciousness
this grand and ennObling contrast we are pre-
pared to comprehend as well as welcome the
figures which explicitly denote it. As we indi-
Gated at the outset, they have been transmitted
to us by a multitude of agile and interchangeable
agents from all points of the compass, and col
lated in this office by experienced statisticians.
But at the last moment before going to press
we learn that it Will be absolutely impossible
to print paper of the size required inside OF
week, working day and night; and inasmuch
as this article is based on the superstition that
they would appear in this issue we are re-
luctantly compelled to omit them