The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1891-04-10
QUEER PENSION CLAIMS.
Various Reasons for Asking for q Share
OF the Great Fund.

The oddity of human nature has
found an apt illustration in some of
the many claims for pension that have
been received under the new law.
Many men have stretched their mag
nations as well as their consciences in
their efforts to be placed on Uncle
Sans great and rapidly growing PEN
sion roll. They allege every disease
and ailment known to the science of
medicine, and then urge the claims
with energetic persistency. Some of
the causes alleged are as odd as they
are interesting. An ex-soldier in Ohio
wrote:
Il don't exactly know what disease
/ am suffering from, but l do know
that / deserve n pension, as am suf-
fering the pains of death all over my
body
Another veteran in West Virginia
thinks he should receive a pension be-
cause, as he states it, during the war
he fell off ,thirty-foot bridge, which
resulted ia "a general breaking up of
his SYSTEM" A veteran of the Fourth
Wisconsin was salivated by reason of
an excessive use of salt pork during
his army career. and now he applies
for a pension because he got saliva
ton in the army" as he puts it.
Under the provisions of the recently
passed dependent pension law it is
only necessary for claimant to show
that he is incapacitated from manual
labor, whether the causes are due to
army service or not. in order to have
his name placed on the rolls. To show
his inability to perform manual labor
the affidavits of neighbors are neces-
sary reciting that fact.
A veteran in Howard county, Md,
sent the testimony of q neighbor, who
no doubt meant well enough, but did
not know how to express himself.
The latter swore to the statement that
he had known the claimant for ten
years, and that ''he would not work
unless he was compelled to-" The
witness of course meant to say that
claimant, while really unable to work
by reason of his physical ipfirmities,
was frequently compelled to attempt
labor in order 10 sustain himself.
The widow of man who shouldered
a musket in the Pennsylvania Reserves
wanted a pension. and was asked if
her husband was ever wounded. :,
"0h, yes" she replied, "he received
an axe wound of the right foot"
Being asked to explain the circum-
stances surrounding the wounding of
her better half, she said he cut his foot
while splitting wood. 1t was not dug
ing the war that this occurred, but in
1879, at their home in Pennsylvania.
The pension attorney wanted to know
what bearing such an occurrence could
have upon the pension law, and the
widow answered CURLY:
Well sir, The axe he cut his foot
with is the same one he brought home
with him from the war. 1t was an
army axe"
A rather remarkable declaration was
made by n Michigan veteran. He
stated under oath that he picked up a
shell on the battlefield of the Wilder
ness and took it into his tent. While
holding the missile between his knees
examining it the shell exploded, bad
" SCATTERING his nervous SYSTEM" but
miraculouslv causing no other injury.
An ex-cannonier of one of the reg
ular batteries claims that he stopped
cannon ball with his abdomen, and
has since been greatly troubled with
stomachic disorders. The ball, he
says, was spent one, and came bound
ing along, striking him squarely on
the exterior of the inner man and
nearly knocking him into the middle
of the following week.
One Gioranna.a member of the WELL
known Garibaldi Guard, recites in his
application for pension that he was
''probed" by rebel bayonet at the
Bull Run fight. and Jersey cavalry
man says he was severed" by n rebel
sabre at Spottsylvania Court House.
These are only few of the queer
causes for pension that are daily re-
ceiyed at the department. There are
thousands of others equally queer
ID.