The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1891-06-13

should we have elections So frequently;
II they were two or three times US fa,
apart we could almost afford to let con.
Gress pass any bill it wanted to, and we
could meet it with our savings froa, gin
and kerosene. And to w.om - u the
great shoreless sea Of campaign funds
30? Does it 60 to the church or the
state. the widow or the orphan, the hon.
est industrious or afflicted:
Nay, beautiful reader with the violet
breath: nay, soft voiced reader with
the high. intellectual sealsi.in shoulders
on your wrap, the grand old ocean OF
campaign funds steals not up to lave the
feet OF the starving, or cool the brow of
the invalid 1t quenches not the thirst
Of the dying and it softens not the bed
Of suffering.
The campaign fund lubricates the
wheels of swift rolling jobs It prints
aad distributes tracts. which nobody
reads. 1t buys the services of unmusic-
al bands. whose notes are protested on
every corner, and the juice of whose alto
horns is favored with tho demon rum.
1t buya coal oil which seeks to outstench
the record of the candidate.
1t buys oratory which would make the
auditorium of perdition hiss. and create
GOODNESS even among the hands in the
engine room of Satan's great exposition
It buys speeches that would empty a
union depot, speeches that would stop a
clock. speeches that would remove super
duous hair, speeches that would cut
holes in steak, speeches that would re-
move warts, speeches that would scour
knives, set saws, remove verdigris, grease
stains. moth patches, freckles or wooden
buildings.
Then the great balance goes down the
parched throat of men who have no
money or physical strength or brains
to throw away, but who improve this
opportunity to raise blood blisters on
their souls, and drift away from their
homes into the dark shadows of doubt
FIJI primaries and rum soaked rallies.
Some day while congress is not too
busy, and while feeling comfortable, l
wish that law or joint resolution--l
guess q joint resolution would be best
which would extend the term of office of
everybody just twice as long, and thus
relieve the swelling of the great political
Joint, and reduce those regular biennial
l'anics on Wall street, could go through.
In saying this think voice the senti.
nient Of many of our best people on
Staten Island. Of course, l can handle
IN ordinary Wall street panic myself
temporarily each fall if it does not come
too early; but suppose this regular polit-
ical panic should strike the country just
after had bought my coal!
There are many other causes for
thanksgiving besides the silent tongue
IF the political orator. bat none that
makes me feel better. heard a
man the other day in political speech
tell the anecdote Of the boy who tried
to sell his pups as Democratic pups
and failed. Afterward he tried to mar
ket them us Republican pups, charging
rise on them because they had their
eyes open now. If any one who reads
this story here will swear that he never
read or heard this story before. and that
he has not been for the past 500 years
with Emin Bey, will send him by reg
istered mail Il nice feather bed which is
almost rs good as new.
And yet the speaker had been in con-
sress. where most of the good new
stories originate. A congressman who
has served one term and cannot tell his
constituents 1T least one good new story
or new ut least-ought not to DO re-
elected
| would ~ soon think of going to
Duluth and building big ice machine
on the trapped bosom of that great
American Day of Naples us to attempt IL
new story il the presence of Il member
OF congress. Boccaccio. Arabian e.
knights or Dalzac. after day or two in
the cloak rooms and restaurants of the
Capitol. would go home and proceed to
plow corn till called home by the hand of
death.
Yes. VIC arc ever glad, over peaceful
and coatentcd. ever thankful and hope
full. when the time comes to lay aside
the battered tlalnbeau club. and with a
sigh OF relief throw our old lie mailer
into the tool box for another two years.
Then let us march on. and. like the
bobtail car driver. never look back. L.:
us rejoice that wo are spared to tackle
the cd thing again for yet another trip.
Let us look up and press onward like u
bright eyed jay examining the exterior
Of The New York World building.
Let us lay aside every weight that doth
SO easily beset us like Fulton market
salesman. and light out like u man who
has been warned away from u hornets
nest by committee from the nest it.
self.
The past year has shown us as a peo-
pie that honesty il the best policy. and
For ono think Of taking ont ono myself.