New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1891-08-02
THE POLITICAL BORE.
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS DRAWN FROM THE
PARLIAMENTARY CAREERS OF MIR. sen
TON, MR.. CoNYBEARE, MR.. KEAY,
AND MIR. LABOUCHERE.

IN the House of Commons Each session has its
own each year Of each session sometimes sees the
rise and sometimes even the fall, of this singular
species Of the animal kingdom. If we went back
TO the days of Simon dc Montfort, there TOO, the
oOre would probably be found, and there is no IN
termedatc period in which he did not nourlsh'
But the weather is too hot to be historical let us
keep to the present or the very recent past IL IS
not very long since Mr.. COnybeare might have
claimed the honor of wearying the House OF Com
mons mere than any other. He irritated not less
than he wearied, and he was therefore not the
best type of bore who, in his most complete forn'
should possess no other quality than that OF intoer
able dulness coupled with frequency ana prohAi'y'
With these three attributes, he is perfect
For it is not enough that o speaker should weary
the House there are perhaps few speakers who DO
not weary the House at times. III Is not even
enough that he should weary the House pretty
often Mr.. Sexton, for example, docs tha'' TIC
speaks far too often, and he is almost Always Ioo
long, and he is very often as thlh as ne lS huehV'
Toby. NJ. P. has christened him "Windbag Sex
ton But Mr. Sexton is capable OF rhetoric; al
most, at moments, of cloquence, and the House
vawns in eypectation of some good sentence or
some fantastic flight The expectation is sometimes
rewarded and sometimes not But the mere 1act
of expectation relieves the tedium OF listening
With the bore pure and simple you have nothing
10 look forward TO but his sitting down. MI
Conybcare was hardly ever on his legs two minutes
without saying something which Infatuated his
listeners lie was ill-tempered, ill-conditioned,
antipathetic You sat while Mr.. Conybeare was
Speaking very much as you sit in dentlsts ci'ail'
in continual anticipation of something extremely
disagreeable There are other words than bore 10
denote the operator who can give rise TO eXpectan-
cies of this sort Btu Mr.. COnybeaTe came 10 an
Ior,I l,, hann ri for
There rose on the horizon another light brighter
than his. Alr. Seymour Keay. He is gem OF
purest ray serene. lie has every trait anu CHAR
actcristic which the champion bore ought to have
lie is dull in manner and in matter, verbose, con-
fused, commonplace, devoid Of humor or any sense
of the ridiculous in himself or i'll Others; praS-
matte. solemn stubborn, and 60 this day convinced
that the refusal of the House to listen to him Is
due entirely To- the inability Of the House 70 APP
prcciate him. lie was elected for Elgln and Nalrn
In October, 1880; one OF those bye-eec-
tons which gave such solace to the Glad
stouian soul. lie came in by dint of
promising everything TO everybody; and with
the usual letter Of Endorsement from his chief
II is Mr. Cadstones amiable popularity TO believe
well OF everybody who believes in him. If you
support hin. follow him, vote white to-day when
white is lis color and black Tomorrow, swearing
with him that it is not black but white, you will
have his blessing, no matter what else you DO OF
say: or TO matter SO long as you do not rouse the
NOnconfor mist Conscience. Mr.. Keay was allowed
20 rant socialism, to preach land naturalization,
and TO pledge the Liberal party to revolution; all
was well, and majority of 500 and the cheers Oh
the Cladstonial!S as lie walked up TO the table OF
the House OF Commons to take the oath, rewarded
him.
They who cheered have paid dear for their
.l,o ohn pinr q
is almost an exception to the rule of succession just
laid down he is his own successor. He has rival
as we shall sec in a moment, but he disdainS TO
Weld to him If he does not hold the field. he
holds half the field lie has been hOwled down q
hundred times, silenced by the Speaker, rcbuSed by
the Chairman Of Committee, cod.shouldered BY his
colleagues, ridICuled by the press There is no
humiliation lie has not undergone and there Is none
to which he does not rise superior To cOntumely
and to applause he is alike Indifferent; To cOntumely
because it is continuous, and to applause because
il is unknown His happiness and his pride con-
sst in getting up in the House and, amid roars Of
angry deTison. making what he suppOseS 10 be
speech OH whatever question is uppermost The
dominant passion of his life is drive The word is
not amiable it is hardly civil but it is descriptive
and | can think of no softer term which so accu-
rately describes the oratorical exercises of Mr..
Keay.
Whether he has passion for notoriety or
whether he was merely born insensble to rdicule
Just as Mr.. Picllens. Of South Carolina, was born
rsensibe 10 fear, may be question. lie rose yes
tcrday-fOr the latest example will do as well as
anothcr-to reply 10 Mr.. Balfour who had said
something about Mr. Keay's everlasting talk on the
Land Purchase bill The Chairman told him he
was out of order. Did this ruling preclude him
from discussing Mr. Balfours conduct of that bill
Certainly, answered the Chairman. In that case,
said Mr.. Keay his remarks wbuld be cut short.
The House laughed But wish" continued Mr..
Seymour Keay, " to show that the Chief Secretary
has abscnted himself from the House on important
OCCASION, when have risen to controvert the right
honorable gentlcman's arguments The House
laughed again, but the member for Elgin and
Marin could not see why. He is a Scotchman he
cannot be expected TO see why
Mr. Morton is Mr. Kcays rival; Mr.. Alpheus
Cleophas Morton. He, too, is the product Of bye
election Peterborough chose him almost con
tcmporaneously with the choice Of Mr. Seymour
Keay by the united borough of Elgin and Nairn =
Peterborough, cathedral town, and town where
the influence of Lord Fitzwilliam supposed L
be supreme. 4 of Lord Fitzwilliam had been
member for Peterborough His sudden and tragic
death-his horse fell with him on the lawn at thu
very door of Wentworth-left the Conservatives
,inprovidcd with candidate. They sent down
carpet Dagger and carpet Dagger for carpet-bagger
the electors of Peterborough preferred Mr.. Alpheu
Cleophos Morton 1t may have been his namt
which fascinated them; there is earlier case Of
record where d calfaidate has been called Alphcu
Cleophas lie lives at No. 30 Sibella Road, Clap
ham; that, too, is equally without precedent, anC
must equally have had its influence. He is a com
mon councilman of the City Of London; and tn
combination of Ceophas Chaplain and Common
Council could not but be conclusive. lie wa
elected by a narrow majority, and once more th
Gladstonians sang one of those hosannas TO whic
they attunc their voices for these rather casua
triuTphs.
The elect of Peterborough seemed for a while 4