The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1891-07-10
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Medium, during the seance: Now.
ladies and gentlemen, at your request /
have materialized the spirits of a num-
Der OF famous authors; II there is still
another You would like to behold, please
mcntion the name.
Wild Looking Novel Reader: I'd like
to see the spirit of the author of Dora
Thorne.
Medium, ten minutes later: It is no
use, ladies and gentlemen. l cannot ma
terialize her. She is too busy writing
posthumous books to come out.-Brook-
Ign Eagle.
There goes a man, said a local Joker
to friend, who within 20 minutes has
cast away the accumulation of year.
scheme?
No, he has just dropped his winter
beard.
"A Theological Note: Do Won think
unbaptized infants are lostP
l don't know; but would give less
for the chances of some who have been
baptized and grownu up.
AT watering place in the Pyrenees
the conversation at table turned upon a
wonderful echo to be heard some dis
lance OFF on the Franco-Spanish frontier.
1t is astonishing, exclaimed an inhabit-
ant of the Garonne. As soon as you
have spoken you hear distinctly the
voice leap from rock to rock, from prec-
ipiee to precipice, and as soon as it has
passed the frontier, the echo assumes
the Spanish accent-COTier de Midi.
Now, Robbie, if you don't want to
go to Bessie Smiths party you must
write note and tell her so, and be sure
and get 1t polite. You will find some
models in this book of etiquette, said his
mother to her little son.
Robby struggled with the problem for
an hour and then presented for his moth
er's inspection the following truthful
but unconventional effusion:
Mr.. Robert Carhart declines Win
pleasure Miss Bessie Smiths kind invi-
tation for the 14th, and thanks her ex-
tIemely fUl the opportunity of doing so.
-Hdrper's Bazaar,
Patent Medicine Proprietor: Pm
very sorry you can't give us a testimon-
ial for our Anti-Fat We're willing to
pay well, but suppose you are opposed
to recommending anything?
Popular Minister: 1t isn't that my
dear sir. The trouble is that you are
just little too late. This morning |
wrote testimonial for another mans
Anti-Lean.-BrOoklyn Life.
in Philadelphia: Is that wire screen
there to prevent people from breaking
into the bank?
No; that is to prevent the bank off
GERS from breaking out and running away
with the money.
Had Him Sure: When Col. Bob Inger-
soil was in Europe last he visited West
minister Abbey for the first time. As he
was contemplating the tomb of Nelson
the guide said;
That, sir, his the tomb of the greatest
naval 'ero Europe or the whole world
hever knew-LOrd Nelson's. This mar
BILE sarcoughogus weighs forty-two tons.
Hinside that his a steel recepticle weigh
ing twelve tons, and hinside that is a
leaden casket 'ermetrically sealed, weigh
ing over two tons. Hinside that his a
mahogony coffin holding the hashes of
the great zero.
Well, said the Colonel after thinking
awhile. guess you've got him. If he
ever gets out of that cable me at my ex-
pense.-ChicdgO Tribune.
Why We Blush: This morning, writes
Sunday school teacher, gave the chill
| dren a little talk about their souls.
When | had done l thought l would ask
them few questions, to see if they UNI
derstood what had told them. So l
began:
What did God give us besides our
| bodies?
Perhaps you can imagine what my
emotions were when they instantly re-
sponded:
Legs!-Hdrper's Bazaar.
Difference in Degree. Mrs. Dining
I wish you would tell me the differ
ence between fiddler, violinist and a
virtuoso?
Dimling-I will A fiddler plays fol-
nothing, violinist for s. for an evening
and virtuoso gets $50 for one,> piece
Judge.
The returns show that 2740 Vermont
farmers including Gov. Page, ex-Gov.
Smith, Gen. GrOut and ex-Speaker Grout
have applied for licenses to avail them
selves of the sugar bounty law.
"A slight shock of earthquake was OK
perienced in San Francisco Sunday.
-Four of the ten Samoans brought (,
this country by a Snowman are dying o.
consumption in New York.
The death of ''Pic kles" PATTERSON a
Springfield, o., three years ago, has jus
been discovered to have been murder
Poisoned ice cream at Brushton
near Malone, N. Y, on Saturday brok
up a picnic. Over 10 persons wer
poisoned.
"A. r. Hill, a well-known attorney o
Danville, ILL.,, has been sentenced to on
year in the penitentiary for stealing an,
destroying,
Officials of the worlds fair hav
given the Illinois Central railroad
monopoly of carrying people to the ex
hibition grounds. Spectators are para
lyzed.
1t seems that the parties who engin
eered the recent prize fight between
Slavin and Kilrain, lost nearly five thou
sand dollars by the venture.
The Hoboken put up purse of tel
thousand dollars to be fought for.
And placed the tickets at ten, fifteel
In,, a IN