St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-06-01

VI SuOUl llrSI Vi 70 under" In each and
every instance, and it became our duty
to shoot.
Everybody knows that we have done
the square thing when compelled to
outfit man for the far-off country.
We have bought coffihs. furnished
shrouds, got up funeral professions and
planted the immigrant on our own pri-
vate lot, where his headboard would not
be taken by the cowboys for euchre
table, nor his bones become the prey of
the coyotes. 1t is needless to add that
we SHALL continue to pursue this liberal
policy i'll the future, while the subscrip-
ton price of the Kicker still remains at
81 per year.
AS stated at the beginning, we hoped
to keep the number down to nine, but
circumstances over which we had no
control erected a tenth headboard the
other day. In writing up Col. Wood
honse' new ranch. two weeks ago, we
jocuIarly referred to cowboy as Cock
Eyed Bill" Iii seems that his proper
title is ''Squint-Eyed William" and he
took offenSe at our license. We have
Invariably noticed that when we at
tempt anything jocular somebody dies
before the month expires, and we shall
now swear off.
Bright and early Monday morning the
gentleman with the imperfect optics
opened the front door OF our Office with
great deal of useless energy, and be-
fore we could give him G. .. ID. rates on
half-cOlumn ad. he began banging
away at us. We knew. from the way
his first bullet chawed its way through
the straw hat we wear in the office, that
he meant business, and we didn't allow
any vision of the dear old home back in
Nnx cfo
the door, to stop us from getting ready
to return his courtesies.
William shot the hands off our office
clock. split the ear of the Chinaman
who turns the crank of our power press
and blasted the peaceful life of yaller
cat which we paid 81 for III Tucson last
fall; but when the cannOnade had
ceased William had gone down the long,
dark trail to join his forefathers. We
were, of course, promptly acquitted be-
fore the coroner's jury, and we think
we did the square thing when we got
thirteen vehicles out to William
funeral.
All our readers will bear witness to
the fact that we have exercised the
greatest patience in bearing the slurs
and taunts of our esteemed weekly con-
temporary. On three different occa-
justified IN killing him, but we re-
strained our hand because we knew he
owed his two compOsitOrS money which
they would lose if he went under
ground. We long ago decided to pay
no further attention to him, no matter
what he said; but there was an item in
his last issue which calls for a word OF
two of explanation from us.
Our lop-eared, lop-shouldered, knock
kneed, slab-Sided, ram-shackle, bald
headed, poverty stricken, croSs-eyed,
footed, tOothleSS old contemporary,
with an average circulation of 2l7 cop
les weekly, against our tens of thou
sands (see our sworn statement), says
that we were cowhided in our own
sanctum three days ago by lady
named Miss Green, who is a music
teacher, lately arrived here from In
diana.
His statement is an insult to a young,
beautiful and accomplished lady, who
was at once accorded the ontray of the
best society in the town, and who
came here with letters of the highest
recommendation from respectable peo-
pie. The above cut portrayS her visit
10 this office.
Do we look cowhidy?
Is she attacking US?
Is there anything in this pastoral
scene Smacking of gore?
Miss Green called at the Kicker office
in the most amIable mood and with the
most peaceful intentions. She simply
and sweetly desired us to publish one
of her original poems, entitled when
the Hens Egg Nests Again" and we
were thrice glad to do so. 1t appears on
our third page to-day, and we feel that
we cannot say too much in praise of it.
Thus do we confound, paralyze, upset,
break in two and knock out the human
hyena whose spiteful soul would blacken
our private character before this COM
munity, and with it the fair reputation
of an angel in female clothes. Words
fail to express our contempt for this in
human monster, but no advance will be
made in our advertising rates.