davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
PLAYED With a Snake.

Mrs. Divine, widow, of Cornwall,
N. Y, went to church on recent Sun
day morning, leaving her two little
girls, Nora and Jenny, aged respectively
six and four years, alone in the house.
Half an hour later Mrs. Benton, the
wife of neighboring farmer, saw the
children sitting on the grass under an
apple tree, striking at something on the
ground. At each stroke they screamed
with laughter. Mrs. Benton's curiosity
was aroused, and she crossed the road to
see what was amusing them. As she
approached them Nora said gleefully;
"Big worm playing peek-a-boo with U.S. !"
She had hardly ceased speaking when
half the length of great copperhead
ton Of the children. Two switches
dropped smartly on it and the ugly head
was quickly pulled back. Whether the
venomous reptile was really playing with
the children, as they supposed, or was
kept at bay by their switches, was pro-
blem which Mrs. Benton did not waste
any tine in attempting to solve. She
called to her husband and rushing for
ward she dragged the little girls away
from the hole. Mr.. Benton arrived just
as the snake looked out again to see
what had become of them. The farmers
stick fell upon his head and he went
back no more. Mrs. Divine tainted
when she saw the snake and heard the
story, but her children wept and refused
to be comforted because their playmate
was dead. CHICAGO Post
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
Telling the Time of Day by the Beard,

81 never carried watch in my life, y
said New Yorker of fifty. ga watch
is a habit, not necessary article. No
man who carries a watch can, be any
more regular in his habits than Isam. I
eaa get up at certain minute, and do so
every morning. can tell the time of
day by feeling my face. The beard
grows exactly so much, and you can
come within a reasonable time OF the
hour by passing the hand over your chin.
Not that it is often necessary, because
regular habits soon become second ma
tune and you never think of wondering
about the hour.
sOf course, the man who lives on
trains and boats good deal has to wear
timepiece and time table. "-NeU York
Herald.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
STEM WINDING TIDES.

Last December, while plotting some
logs, Maine lumberman lost his watch
overheard near the mouth OF the Penob-
scot River. He located the spot by
landmarks on the bank, and intended to
dredge for it the next day, but the river
froze over, and he had to wait till the
ice broke up. Ho was SO fortunate as
to find the watch when he dredged for
it last week. When brought to the
surface it was still ticking, and only a
few minutes behind time. The owner
explains this somewhat startling fact
by stating that the watch Icy on the bed
of the river in such a position that the
ebb and flow of the tide has wound it up
every day. We remember reading in
our geography that the tides down East
were very remarkable; now we know it.
Life.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
LOUIS cYR.

Sebastian Miller also hada try at that
1880 pound dumb bell, but had to get
his knees under sticks held in his hands
to swing it clear of the floor, and so al
though his lift shows his immense mus
cular power it does not compare with
Kennedy's performance.
A few years ago the Paris papers were
full of accounts of the various perform
ances of Sandow, young German ath-
lete. Sandow met and easily defeated
all the professional strong men in France
who competed with him in dumb bell
lifting and putting up heavy weights.
After Sandow had -conq all the men
in the gay capital he journeyed to Eng
land, and continued to win his contests.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
IN A BIRD STORE.

Prospective Purchaser-"What a
thoughtful looking parrotl Polly want
cracker2
The Parrot Qate of Boston)-"I am
aware, my dear madam, that there exists
an almost universal but erroneous belief
that all parrots manifest a prediction
for crackers. This hypothesis would be
amusing were it not for the intimation it
affords of the pathetic paucity of dietetic
knowledge upon the part of the masses.
May awsk if you are aware that there
is more nutriment and inspiration in a
single plate of beans than in three score
and ten crackers2 A thorough appre-
citation of Browning will never follow q
regimen of crackers. But what is the
matter, may / awskl You manifest
considerable perturbation.-Lys.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
SHE WAS NOT AT HONE.

SHE WAS NOT AT HONE.
"Johuny, is your sister at home9" said
the young man at the front door.
"Wait till l light the gas-or hold
on-is your hair sandy2"
"Why no." replied the abashed youth.
Shave you got mustache that curls
at the ends2"
emo, don't wear mustache at
ALL"
'sHum. Have you got large seal
ring on the fourth finger of your left
hand2"
"No, I haven't"
"Then," said Johnny confidently,
''she's not at home. ~ Washington Post.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
FAME rs EpHEMERAL.

tsI have Just left the head OF big
Front-street tirm," said an advertising
solicitor, who is one of the brightest
members of the hustling fraternity to
which he belongs, ''and l have fair
sized contract bearing the firms sigma
ture tucked in my inside pocket. How
do you suppose got it, The old
gentleman undertook to spike my guns
before 1 had my batteries fairly opened
on him by agreeing to everything said
in favor of advertising, and enthusiastic
cally attributing to it much more than
would dare to claim for it. He then
went on to inform me that his firm had
no occasion whatever for advertising, as
it was well known from having adver-
tised extensively in its earlier days.
so, said /, you think that the ad-
vertising which you did in the early days
of your business is sufficient to carry you
through nowa"
Undoubtedly I do he replied.
well, said |, will you kindly tell
me the name of the candidate for Vice
President on either ticket, election before
last2
ssHe was stuck, he hesitated, stam-
mered little and finally replied, well,
no, l can't
"sNow.' said I, sdo you know OF any
man who was better advertised at that
timer
sit fetched him. ."-Pailadslphia In
quirer.
WHY THE BANK WAS FORCED TO CLOSE.
"The Eighteenth National Bank has
just been forced to close its doors" ex-
claimed the obituary editor.
s'The Eighteenth Nat Great Scottl"
cried the humorous man, ''that means
beggary for mel"
'sOh, hope not!" condoned the obit-
uarist, in a violent voice. 81 hope it
isn't SO bad as thatl'
eyes, it is! All my hard-earned saw
ings were deposited in that bank. My
wife will have to take in washing2" and
he wept several weeps. "My children
will have to go begging, and IL will
be forced to sell fountain pens on tbs
streets"
ssOh, it can't be-" said the obituary
editor, wiping his eyes on mourning
bordered handkerchief scented with
musk "Let us hope for the best. ;"
''It is no use, no use at alll' moancd
the unfortunate funny man. 81 am ru-
ined. But tell me--tell me what caused
the bank to suspend! Was it an unex-
pected run2'
ssWho said the bank had suspended"
asked the epitapher, s'who said any
thing"
"Why, you did2 You said the bank
had been forced to close its doors, didn't
youa"
"Yes, but
''Bus WHAT"
''The bank was forced to close its
doors to keep out the cold air"
And the funny iran, sitting his tears,
sat down and wrote / fifty cent joke on
the subject, while the obituary editor
returned to his den and proceeded to
call old SkinAint who had Just died be-
cause he was too miserly TO buy himself
medicine. .'model of charity and be-
nevolence. Boston 1rareler.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
THE IMPROVED SPORTSMAN.

After the hunt.
"Weli, forester, did the baron have
good luck2"
Remarkable good luckw
"What did he shoot2"
"Nothing."
"And you call that luck, do you!"
ssI do, indeed. Whenever he has hit
anything before, it has turned out to be
a huntsman. Fliegende Blaetter.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
RELIEVED THE OLD MAN.

ssDid you see old Skinfint?"
eyes. told him I had come to ask
of him the greatest blessing man could
seek-his daughters hand"
"An6 what did he say9"
sHe seemed very much pleased. Said
he was afraid at first 1 wanted to bor-
row $5."-Nep York herald.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
A SLIP OF THE TONGUE.

"Just imagine, my dear fellowl 1
was at the hunt for the wild boar-sud-
denly I stepped out from behind bush,
when"
"Come now, you told me all that story
day before yesterday"
s'Imposslble! Why, II only heard
the story myself two hours agow-
Fkegen6e Blaetter.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
cANN1nAL TASTES DIFFER.

ssNo," said Miss Warden, 81 don't like
grown children; but think little bits of
children are real nice. Don't you, Mr..
Bachelor2"
Old Bachelor-s.Perhaps little bits
would be, but I don't like them whole"
Detroit Free Press
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
they were sitting in the drawing room

they were sitting in the drawing room
waiting for the gentlemen:
''I'm going to have a delightful time
this summer. Papa and mamma have
both agreed to my plans"
"Where are you going2" asks the
other charming belle.
"Nowhere, of course. I'm going to
stay at home where the men are" -
Life.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
AN APOLOGY.

Mr.. De Wrider (who has just been
thrown)-"You see what your dog has
donel He has frightened my horse"
de hoss's pardon, Mister. See9 He
wasn't barkin' at de hoss; he was barkin'
at you. See2"-Puck
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13

Toothpick Charley-"Well, Spider,
how goes it"9
Spider-"Fine; why when I first went
on the road I hadn't rag on my back.
Now look at me. I'm all rags. Nun
seu's Weeklu.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13

The Michigan peuitentiary has a class
of fifteen in telegraphy, originated by
one of the prisoners. Each convict pur-
chased his own instrument by working
overtime.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
A KEEN-MINDED sUIToR

"Why do you send Ethel such hand
some presents Candy and flowers are
enough"
"That's all right She eats the candy
and the flowers fade. When we get
married / get the diamonds back"
-Brooklyn Life.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
A MARVELLOUS CURE.

Doctor-"It is the most difficult case
I ever saw. exhausted every resource
on him, and at last l was successful with
very complicated system of injections
of cocaine"
Layman-s'But, doctor, he died"
Doctor-"I know very well he died,
but he died cured. ."-Harper's Weekly.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
IN THE BALLOON BASKET.

Tom (tremblingly)-" Amt this
grand2"
Dan-s'Ye-yes. But what are you on
your hands and knees for?"
Tom-"That's so won't have 80 far
to fall if this blamed basket should drop
of."-Tsras Sittings.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
REMARKABLE.

"Mlss Pruyn is remarkable young
woman"
"Very: l know of no one better able
to make remarks than she."
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
MODERN SAMSONS.
MEN WHO ARE STRONGER THAN
-. GIANTS OF OLD.
Feats of Strength That Would As
tonish the Heroes of A ntiquity
Where the Trickery
Comes In.

There are thirty strong men at least
now prominently before the public.
Louis Cyr, Samson, Sandow, Cyclops,
Kennedy, Ajax, Hermann, Sebastian
Miller, Milo, Marks, Hercules, Dodnetti,
Andrew Hull, Wilson, Ayres, Mont
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
DEEPER AND DEEPER.

Henderson (who has just been intro
uced)-"Delighted to meet you, I'm
sure! My friend Jones often speaks of
you. 1t was only the other day he said,
Mrs. Louisburg is such fine, motherly
lady"
Miss Louisburg with faint suspicion
of annoyance on her smiling face)-
s.How drolll Your friend Mr.. Jones
was probably speaking of my mother. !"
Henderson (much agitated)-Oh, l beg
pardon, but really, is it possible you have
a mother ivinga''-She5ssM Telegraph.
WILL NOT FLY TO AN ADAMLEss EDEN.
Last Thursday evening at one of Mrs.
+. Pumperley Pompp's delightful din
ners where the flowers alone cost $3.50,
one charming belle said to another, -
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
A QUESTION OF TIME.

A QUESTION OF TIME.
"How long have you been employed
here, waiter9"
"Abort three years."
eOh, then must have given my order
to somebody else. ."-Philadelphia Times.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13

A beet sugar plant is being erected at
Marshalltown, Iowa, with a capacity of
400 tons.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
DOING HER BEST.

Bridget" I'm cleaning the shtove
wild this black polish. The missis told
me to use elbow grease, but I've looked
all around and couldn't find any."-Ar-
cosy.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13

Information from Calcutty
$50 the cable has attested)
Says, alas, the Senaputty
Down in ManiDur's arrested.
Since you've set our blood astir,
Please inform us, oh, Calcutty,
Where the deuce is Manipurs ?
And what on earth's Senaputty.
Detroit Free Press.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.

Exciting News From the Orient-Do-
ing Her Best-Remarkable
Possible PeriI-A Keen
Minded Suitor, Etc.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13

Two BOYS are held for trial in New
York upon the charge of stealing three
cents. -
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13

Traveler-"Can 1 f-f-fnd my way
through these w-w-woods 2"
Resident-"Not if it is true that the
man who h-h-hesitates is lost. ."-Kate
Fields Washington.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13

"No."
"Why when he wanted to redecorate
his tailor shop he covered the walls with
the unpaid bills of customers. They set
tied mighty quick. ."-Munsey's Weekly.
Passaic City record., 1891-06-13
SHIPS SCHEME.

"Snip is a smart fellow. Do you
know what he did2"
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1891-12-02

ALEXANDRIA. Va. Dec. l.. Especial. Miss
Bessie Stewart Jaluieson died to-day Of con-
sumption after piotracted illness. The de-
ceased was the daughter of Mr.. and Mrs
John j. Jameson and niece OF Rev. Calvin
Stewart. Of Richmond. She had inst entered
early wOmanhOoi with all the promise and
all tho coveted gifts of one of her sex. the
very idol OF her estmabic parents now suffer
ing second similar atlictlon at the
hands OF the grim reaper Sho was q
young lady whose beauty OF person was exceed
Ell only by that OF her disposition and
character which made her admired by
FL who knew her. and beloved 10y wide
circle. especially the Presbyterans. with
whom she walked and labWed IN their every
good cause. and even whom 10y her death.
though not unexpected, q gloom has been cast
The funeral takes place Thursday afternoon.
Advces from CalyertOn say the search for
the money taken iIom the Hines House by
Helm aud said by him % have been hidden
in fence corner. has not been successful.
Captain Mnshbach and Mr. Bendheim have
gone TO Richmond.
Ninety-six deeds We're recorded by the cor
pOration court clerk last month.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1891-12-02
Shipping I'ersimmons.

PETIRspruG. VA, Dec l. -iSpecial Some
of the Northern settlers III Chesterfield
county short distance FROM Petersburg are
putting up persmmons and shipping them
TO the Northern markets, where they arc sold
for 49, cents per pound. Tho seed are first
taken ont of the fruit with small machine
made for the purpose alter which the fruit
is placed in five-pound boxes and sweetened
with white granulated sugar.
Mate burlington. of the steamer =. A. Nc
Call plying between Petersburg and Norfolk.
who was recently appointed captain Of the
steamer 5. A. Mccall TO succeed Captain
Jones resigned, entered upon his duties yes
terday.
The fines collected in tue mayors court
during the month of November amounted to
S162 -. The report of the city treasurer for
the month of November shows the cash re-
ceipts 10 the city from all sources 10 have
been -. 50o.0l that of the auditor shows
the expenditures - have been S25, S3i53.
AT the monthly meeting of the city council
this afternoon communication was received
from DR.. G.. Y. Robinson. health officer, cali
ing the attention OF the council to the jmpor-
lance OF having the city vaccinated. No &C
ton was taken in the matter.
The council voted 81 900 10 the Relief Asso-
citation 10 purchase fuel for the poor OF the
city during the present winter.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1891-12-02
The Debt Settlement Pp,ssIi Notes.

PULASKI. Va. Nov -iSpecial. i-kepvo-
sentative citizens OF both parties express 81 eat
satisfaction at the prospects of an honorable
settlement of the State debt No section OF
the Commonwealth Will derive moro iinIne-
diate benefit as Il result OF It than tins.
The weather was intensely cold last night
Some of our people are the victims OIL grip,
but the sick list Is not IA long one.
Farmers are busy with boz killing and iresh
sausage, the very best thing IN the market.
The Virginia editors went through this
morning on their return from the Texas tI!r.
They look tired but insist upon IT that they
have had good tine.
Mr. Eckman. the superintendent OF the
Pulaski Iron Furnace. has returned from q
short visit 10 Philadelphia.
Mr.. George I. Mills whose name ia so intl-
matey identified with the business history Of
this place spent a few days here recently.
and made arrangements N reference TO hs
business Office which seem % be satisfactory
10 those concerned.
Mr. Frank Harrison. one OF our most enter
prising real estate agents. leaves to- morrow
for "a business trip To Bluefeld, Graham ard
other points Of interest IN that section
Mrs. Il. -. Guy of Roanoke, who has been
visiting friends here, returned home today.
our stores are filling with Anas goods and
our merchants arc showing Their approcIa-
tion of printers ink by advertising very hb>
orally.
Mi T. j. Nnsse the wide-awako chair
man of the Democratic party. will 20 with
his famll, 70 his old home ia Nelson county
on Monday and spend some two weeks hunt
ing aud enjoying the old scenes and old
friends.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1891-12-02
THE VHIPPTyG-POST
Suggested rs One Means Of Reducing Crimi-
nal Expenses.

BANpAvA, Hanover COUNTY, Dec. LII 1t
be allowable for one who helps to pun tho
coach" TO give ndyice or make suggestions
'to those WHO ride on top and hold the reins.
TO use Beliamys figure, would endeator %
saw n word on subjects we have hearh tHiHeu
about read about. and thought about, 70 0ur
new legislators who are now assembling III
Richmond First "as 10 cutting down our
criminal expenses. restore whipping Tor nine,
tanths of the crimes that nov are puhlsAe9
by c nfnement in jail or pepitentiary. lndeeu
/ have heard it suggested that II "ouiu DO
well 10 abolish the penltentlary altoSetnel.
and whiD and hang, only those whom
whipping would not cure, TO hahg' MuIueI'
rape and arson might remain capltai oHehses
but most OF the other crimes, all OF the iafhlly
of "crirnen falsi." and attacks on property
would be as we'll prevented or cured by
whipping. disfranchisement. and the Disgrace
incident thereto as by the penitentlary. After
all the disgrace is III the crime not the
punishment Why should tho honest
people of the State be taxed 10 sup
port the rogues and rascals Even
II now the penltentiary is selt-supporting,
which il the exception IN us history. now
about the iaiis which number more conyictsln
the aggregate than the 1900 under Mr.. Moses
care If 1t be that our aw-lnakeIS are ail!iu
of the dear people give at least the choice
10 the convict to be whipped ! saw case
of this kind in court a short time ago where
a british negro hoy of about sixteen was
sentenced 10 jail for threem months for some as
honesty. aud the nudge very senslbly gave nm
the choice 10 take a whipping or go 10 iail.
and the negro. with equal sense, look
the whipping and went homo re-
ioicing. IL Is all nonsense 10 talk
OF whipping. being behind the age" ms
MISPLACED sympathy for rogues and rascas u
much more "bohind the age What rignt
has one who has. by his bad conduct. thrown
himself out of tho protection and pale Of law
and society % talk about the dignity of
member OF society or claim the protection OF
the violated law which he has knowingly foT-
feited. sympathy for rascals encourages
rlscality. and we believe no better OF cheaper
way of dealing with our criminal classes can
be found than 90 follow the example OF our
wise forefathers. and restore the more simple.
cheaper and the more effective kind of punish
ment-the whipping-rOst. II more negroes
are whipped than white folks II IS because
more negroes are roCues than white folks. and
who is responsible for that
As old Warden. the Scotch lawyer. said at
tho Richmond bar some seyenty-fiye years
ago by the franchise Of a freeman. my
client has a right 70 bo whipped" at least. 10y
tie franchise Of q freeman give the rogues
and rascals "A right 70 be whipped. II thef
prefer it, and thus save us tho expense. OF
boarding them in idieness and sin. Other
suggestions On kindred subjects may be made
another time. }. L.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1891-12-02

ar. 5. c. Dubois, OF Philadelphia, Takes
Charge Of the Housc Of Thesp!s.

Mr.. S. G.. Du Bots, of PHILADELPHIA, the new
lessee of the Mozart Academy Of Music, has
arrived in Richmond and took charge of the
house yesterday. though the lease will not be
signed until nitcr the board of governors
meet on Thursday evening. Yesterday morn
ing lie had conference with the employees Of
tho Academy The new manager is well
versed in theatrical matters. and has for
many years been connected with the theatres
OF Philadelphia and elsewhere.
He has also been n successful dramatist.
one az his latest productions being the play
shiloh. an historical drama detailing Incl
dents Of 1SGl-'G2. which was produced last
spring at tho Grand Opera-House in Phila-
delpha and met with instant approval.
At the opening of the great dramatic festi-
val which was held in Cincinnati IN lssl Air.
Dubois was selected 10 make the inau ural
address. bis subject being Influence Of the
Drama. He was afterwards requested 10
repeat it before a dramatic club in phlladol-
phia and later before literary club there.
Mr.. Dubois is also accredited with having
presented the original plan to the committee
on ceremonies of the Worlds Columbian TX
position at Chicago for "resailing the voyage
o, Columbus discovery OF the New World.
which viii be acted on by the Government
next year
Mr. Dubois intention is TO produce here
dnring the season quite number Of plays Of
the standard character which have met with
popular success IN Northern cities.