The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-03-13

of "A Female Seminary.
ICnpyrighted and published by special arrange
mcnt with @. W. Dillingham;, New York, pub
Usher
ON THE WING.
Gents of the Editorial Corpse:
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INCE ] last rit you
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XVI I've met with i'm
/ExA IN ense success a
showing my show in
A%HT varis places. particly
1NW at Detroit. l put up
- at Mr. Russel's tav-
ern, very good tav-
ern too, but l am sorry to inform you
that the clerks tried to cum a Gouge
Game on me. brandished my new six
teen dollar huntin cased watch round
considerable, s. as l was drest in my
store clothes g. had lot of sweet scent
ed wagon grease on my hair, am free
to confess that | thought lookt putty
gay. 1t never once struck me that l
lookt green. But up steps a clerk &;
axes me hadn't better put my watch in
the safe. Sir" seq l, that watch cost
sixteen dollars! Yes, Sir, every dollar
of it! You can't cum it over me, my
boy! Not at all, Sir" | know'd what
the clerk wanted. He wanted that watch
himself
From Detroit l go West'ard hoe. On
the cars was a he-lookin female, with
green cotton umbreller in one hand and
handful of Reform tracks the other
She sed every woman should have a
Spear. Them as didn't demand their
Spears didn't know what was good for
them. What is my Spear" she axed,
addressing the people in the cars us
it to stay at home g. darn stoclsins g. be
the ser-ldue of domineerin man? Or is
it my Spear to vote & speak 81 show my
self the ekal of man? Is there a sister in
these keers that has her proper Spear"
Sayin which the eccentric female whirl-
ed her umbreller round several times, s.
finally jabbed me in the weskit with it.
II hav no objecshuns to your goin
into the Spear bizness," sez l, "but you'll
please remember amt pickeril. Don't
Spear me agin, if you please" She sot
down.
At Ann Arbor, bein seized with sud-
den faintness, l called for a drop of
suthin to drink. AS was stirrin the
beverage up, pale faced man in gold
spectacles laid his hand upon my shoul-
der, g. sed, Look not upon the wine
when it is redr'
SezI /, "this amt wine. This is Old Rye"
ut stingeth like q adder and biteth
Ike a Sarpent" sed the man.
II guess not" sed l, when you put
sugar into it. That's the way alters
take mine"
"Have you sons grown up, sir?" the
man axed.
"Wall," replide, as put myself out
side my beverage, my son Artemus
junior is goin on 49,"
"Aint you afraid if you set this exam
pie b4 him he'll cum to bad endT'
Hes cum to a waxed end already.
He's learnin the shoe maxim bizness," {"
Ireplide.
"This is cold world" sed the man.
'That's so. But you'll get into a
warmer one by and by if you don't mind
your own bizness better" was little
riled at the feller, because I never take
anythin only when I'm onwell. arter-
wards learned he was a temperance lect-
urer, and if he can injuce men to stop
settin their inards on fire with the fright
full ticker which is retailed round the
country shall heartily rejoice. Better
give men Prusick Assid to onct, than to
pizen 'em to deth by degrees.
At Albion ! met with overwhelmin
success. The celebrated Albion Female
Semenary is located here, & there air
over 300 young ladies in the Institu-
shin, pretty enough to eat without sea-
sonin or sass. The young ladies was
very kind to me, volunteerin to pin my
handbills onto the backs of their dresses.
1t was sublime site to see over 800
young ladies goin round with a adver-
tisement of A. Wards unparalleled show,
conspickusly posted onto their dresses.
Virtoo is its own reward.
A. WARD
THE oCToRooN.
1t is with no ORDINARY feelins of Sha-