The Kootenai herald. [volume] (Kootenai, Idaho) 1891-1904, 1891-10-31
WONDERFUL TROUSERS.
They Not Only lid Not Bag, bzs Made
Crack Gyrnast of the Wearer.

Crack Gyrnast of the Wearer.
/ am somewht of an athlete, and am
in the habit of performing various exer-
cises when / haze nothing else to do, and
/ yet held position where it is important
that should pesent gentlemanly APP
pearance.
The problemof how to prevent trous-
ers from bagging has for long time re-
CURED to my nInd and pressed for solu-
ton. have TIED the various devices
advertised for Ore or for prevention.
have consulted my fashionable friends,
and even the talors, fondly hoping they
could be induced to give themselves
away.
Some of myfliends have solved the
problem by hansing up in their ward
robes l.O95 pains of trousers, which ma
neuver enables them to put on fresh
pair morning, noon and night
Now, my friends and employers esti-
mate my brain power and business quail
ifications very nearly as highly as l do.
Unfortunately they do not attribute to
them very high exchangeable cash
value
The important thing, therefore, for me
seemed to be to discover way of max
ing one pair Of trousers last 1856 days
without baggiDg.
Fortunately have practical knowl-
edge of mechanics, and am of an invent
i've turn of mind. have spent the saw
ings of all nypast life in patenting car
couplers, motors a la Keely, and flying
machines which very nearly succeeded
in flying. Mynecessity Matched a new
invention.
| went to one of the most skillful and
artistic tailors on the Bowery and told
him what | wanted, and at the same
time warned him that had patent on
my idea.
My idea was to get some of the cement
which enables broken plate to support
a ton of cobble stones and sheet of the
genuine, old fashioned gum-such as the
old fashioned gum shoes were made Of
and paste back of the knee an oblong
piece, wide enough and long enough to
cover all that part of the trousers which
generally bags. The tailor entered into
my idea enthusiastically. He offered to
buy the patent outright for twenty dol
lars, and TO give me royalty of five
cents pair ON the first hundred pairs
which should besold. refused his mag
unanimous offer, and am "holding for a
RISE"
He thought that if a little elasticity
was a good thing a great deal more
would be better. think he must have
pasted inside those trousers the soles of
his grandmothers gum shoes.
The first time went out with those
trousers on strangers accosted me, and
said they should not have known that |
had no legs from my walk if they had
not been informed that | was a Grand
Army man and had had both legs shot
off at the battle of Antietam. The cause
Of their delusion was that as lifted each
foot from the ground the leg from the
knee suddenly snapped forward.
On the way home from business went
into the NJ. A. q. gymnasium. | had no
time to put on my gymnasium tights, and
contented myself with taking off coat,
vest, collar and cuffs. started in for a
run. My friends and the director thought
showed poor judgment in starting at
such pace. Some of the crack runners
were on the track, and at the outset al
most equaled their fastest spurts.
But great Scott, how they were dunn
founded when spurtedl They said
got around the track at such rate of
speed that was only visible as a con-
tinuous curve, diabolic rather than para
bolic. felt that if ran my fastest
again | should need pedometer with an
air brake attachment The swift way in
which my feet glided forward and the
extent of their reach were especially adj
mired. A crack oarsnan's recovery"
they said, was nothing in comparison.
| jumped the high jump. In fact, if
stopped down suddenly. felt obliged to
jump mp straight into the air several
feet. broke the records and left the
pieces far behind me in ''high" and
broad" jumping, 1 smashed the lifting
machine, and in short did astonishing
feats in all that grade of work where the
action of the knees comes into play.
was heralded far and wide as a new and
marvellous Splinter and jumper.
And, best of all, my trousers now never
bag. They keep their virgin form as
long as they hold together. New York
Herald