Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-05-16
FUNNY THINGS IN OFFICES.
Clerk Relates One Two Curious Occur
rences That He Has seen.

FUNNY THINGS IN OFFICES.
Clerk Relates One or Two Curious Occur
renCes That He Has seen.
IS A BUSINESS OFFICE Is ORDINARILY
"A imagined to be the abode Of common
places, but my own experience il that events
most interesting, If not thrilling, are met with
every day in such commercial quarters" said
the clerk to . star reporter.
There is q man in the employ Of our firm
who ID thoroughly picturesque character. He
Is rarely quite sober and yet never otherwise
than jovial and with entire control of his wits.
1t 10 only in. occasional unconventionalities Of
behavior that he betrays the effects of alcohol
About three months ago he remarked TO the
1anitor OF our building-an important func-
tionary who has charge Of all the furniture and
other equipments of the rooms-that he was
dissatis6edwith his desk and wanted another one.
The tanitor failed to respond TO the demand,
and Mr.. Wilkins repeated it on three subse-
9uent occasions in the widest possible way,
though without result
Zone day last week wilkins came into the
office after lunch. bowed to me smilingly az he
passed my door, and entered his own room,
which he occupies together with one other
clerk. Presently I heard the most astound-
ing crash. and, looking around the cor
ner through his door, I beheld him en-
gagged In making a series Of running leaps
from the further end Of his apartment, landing
each time with both feet upon his desk. He is
large man, weighing probably 225 pounds,
and at each jump the desk perceptibiy weak
ened. 1t was table-shaped affair and pres
entity both legs at one end broke short of IA
response to an attack Of unusual impetus. The
other clerk was in the room at the time and he
no Rri frrrH NJ H. H. Al
joining as if nothing whatever out Of the way
was happening.
WILKINS RErURNA
II retreated to my own room. and Q minute
later ont strobe wilkins with his hat on. An
hour later-his work takes him much out Of
doors-he came back, bowed cheerily as he
passed my door, and entered his own quarters.
Almost Immediately there was the same un-
earthly racket as before. l peeped and saw
that the desk was standing on two legs, the
high end against the wall, and Wilkins was
taking running jumps at it from the other side
OF his apartment. He said nothing, but simply
went at it as if it were an ordinary exercise of a
gymnastic nature while the clerk at the next
table scrubbed away and appeared to pay no
attention whatever. Finally the two remaining
legs gave way, first one and then the other,
upon which the destroyer put ON his hat and
again took his departure.
1T was two hours this time before he re-
turned, nodding pleasantly as he passed my
door, and again the racket was resumed. 1t
was kept up longer this time and when Hooked
saw him gleefully kicking the fragments
which had composed the table top around the
room. There was not q piece of the desk lett
that was more than a foot long. The other
clerk was still writing as before. Finally
Wilkins paused, as if out of breath. and just
then the janitor came through the hallway.
"'Towels = remarked wilkins gently, address
ing him, 4 asked you to remove this desk
some days ago, because / didn't like it. Oblige
me by doing SO now
so the janitor brought his broom, swept up
the fragments and took them away. never
seemed to be much easier than the usual
fashion. Wilkins has another one now; it is the
best in the Office.
MAN FROM BOSTON.
''But that is nothing to little experience
had with a Boston correspondent of our firm,
who came on here for business consultation.
When he first arrived at the Office he was not
visibly affected by stimulants, but in the course
of long conversation, which was neces-
STATED between him and myself by his
errand, he went out SO frequently for drinks
of brandy that his remarks became progress
lively unintelligible. l knew it was brandy, be-
cause the smell of it is agreeably familiar to
me. though do not care for it at second hand
and he did not once invite me to join his pota-
tons.
Incidentally to the task we were striving to
execute it was necessary for us to look over
certain advertisements in a great many news
papers. unfolded them one by one, while he
breathed over my shoulder. and, as fast as
they were finished with, thrust them under my
desk until the entire space beneath was crowded
with copies of The EVENING STAR and other
dailies from Baltimore, Philadelphia New York
and elsewhere By this time the Boston cor
respondent had become SO mingled as to his
ideas that l had difficulty in making much
from what he said. He lighted q fresh cigar
from a 10. Of them he had in his pocket without
Offering me one, and busy as was with making
notes did not observe that he dropped the
match, still lighted. beneath my desk. The
first thing knew was that was in the middle
of a bonfire. You know how swiftly u mass of
unfolded newspapers will take flame. Well,
it seemed to me that in the brief
est moment I was the center of
confagration. I jumped out OF the
midst Of it, pulled away the desk and swept
the blazing papers with long stick that was
used for a window litter into the middle of the
room. The flames leaped half way up to the
ceiling, and our Boston correspondent, instead
of trying to put them out, capered around the
fire like Fiji Islander at a cannibaI picnic,
shouting:
ooh, isn't this immense! Did you ever see
such Jolly funr"