Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-03-04

Oregon. 1t is quite suggestive.-Ex.
Thompson-"I can't see why you
find it so hard to meet your bills y
Dedway-"I don't; l find it hard to
dodge them l"-Munsey's Weekly.
He-"If you will be mine, Louise,
l will lead you through life like an
angel" She-"That is with nothing
to eat and nothing to wear. No, !
thank you."-Ex.
Uncle Ezra-"I used to think tibet
this thing of gals kissing pug dogs
was purity rough, but since l come to
town an see some of the dudes-well
maybe the gals amt so much to blame
arter all."-Ex.
"Bibbins is a man of a good deal Of
depth when you know him." said one
member Of congress to another.
81 should judge so, after seeing him
drink whisky" was the reply
Washington Post.
Sanso-"Spacer started a paper a
couple of years ago"
Rood-"Was it a good one?"
Sanso-"Yes, if there is any truth
in hesaying that the good die young
New York Herald.
Mrs. Bleeker(of New York)-"The
law gives the widow her third in Hi.
nois, believe p" Mrs. Wiggery (of
Chicago)-"Oh, no! / had to hustle
for my third, just as / did for my first
and second Brooklyn Life.
Too Many Negatives-"No, Mr.
Van Dusen," said the proud young
Boston beauty, as she flashed her
glorious orbs upon him, 81 shall never
allow no man to hug me-" And Mr.
Van Dusen promptly folded her in
his arms.-Life.
The question is asked, "What is
the difference between a woman and
lady ?" A lady is she who listens
to your conversation with apparent
pleasure a woman is one who con-
fines her attention to that other fel.
low.-Boston Transcript.
"Why do you refuse the learned
and rich Mr.. Signence "He is toe
precise. When he proposed he asked
me for my hand and liver. He says
the liver has been proved to be the
seat of affection. Fancy living with
that sort of a man !'-St. Joseph
News.
Mamma" said Mrs. DePorgue's
daughter, "you ought to 90 over to
the National Museum. There are
things there that are thousands OF
years old" ooh, dear me !" ejaculat.
ed the worthy lady, "how frightfully
out of style they must Washing
ton Post.
"No, sir" said the coal dealer
whose patronage was solicited for a
little "manly art" contest, 81 like
sport, but | can't risk my business
The last occasion of that kind l at.
tended somebody got confused ard
introduced me as the champion light
weight. Washington Post.
20 Charlie !" said the sweet young
thing, as she nestled a trife closer to
him, 81 am so glad that you are not
one of those Indians" "Well,
should hope so. But why, particular
ly" Because they are disarming
them" And then he was glad it
hadn't happened to bim.-St. Joseph
News.
1t is not so many years since dis.
heartened citizen of Denver placed
the following graphic sign in front of
his cabin: TOUCHED it out two
years. Result: Stock on hand, FIVE
tow-heads, seven yaller dogs, two
hundred and fifty feet down to water,
fifty miles to wood and grass. He'll
all around. God bless our home. -
Ex.
Curious to Know.-A prisoner who
had been convicted at least dozen
times was placed at the bar. "Your
Honor, should like to have my case
continued for a week my lawyer is
ILL.," "But you were captured with
your hand in this gentleman's pocket.
What can your counsel say in your
defense ?" Precisely so, your Honor;
hat is what am curious to know"
.Ex.
Mr.. Murrie-Hille-"You say you
lon't dance, and that you have scrup-
es against theater going. What shall
We do to amuse you? What do you
10 at home? / am ready for any
hing you like"
Pretty Country Cousin-"Oh, at
lome we have church sociables."
Mr.. Murrie- Hille-"And what do
you do there? ?"
Pretty Country Cousin (demurely)