Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1891-09-12
WIT AND HUMOR.

Baltimore american.
Balaam's ass showed wisdom In
speaking. but supplied bad precedent
to his successors. y. Herald.
Probably when the red-headed girls
come to vote there won't be so many
dark horses. Detroit Free Press.
It's the heiress' won't and her fathers
will that keep the aspiring young man
mentally occupied. Washington Star.
Right shoulder shift" exclaimed
the old army surgeon rs he pulled
dislocated arm into place.-Binghan1-
ton Republican.
Sadi-"AuythinS new. dear?" Helen
mo; things are dreadfully dull.
nm engaged to that little monkey. DE
Saplets, again. "-Epoch.
1t is a mistake about II being un-
healthy to sleep in feathers. LtOk ut
The spring chicken and see how tough
lie is.-RicImond Recorder.
II those patent electric corsets come
into style young men will have to be
very careful about applying the arIl-
atures.-Binghamton Republican,
If the sun hal nothing else to do but
shine on the righteous it would he
hardly worth while for it to rise rs
early as it does. TEXAS Siflings.
IotIing-"WeIl / nope your new
company is getting along swimming
w." Dimling-"It is. We watered
The stock ut the last directors meet
ing."-Epoch.
mo" said Uncle Pete. 'that zero
Eve didn't hev no temptashun at all,
only er apple; IL it had er bin water
melon 1t would .er bin differunt."-
Binghdnton Republican.
Mr.. Wickwire-''Now, this new
nickel steel" Mrs. Wickwire-
That's when you drop it into the slot
and the machine won't work, / sup
pose. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Figurante-"What do you do. Olga.
when one Of your admirers sends you
bouquet" Star-'I always smell it
directly it comes to see il there is q
bracelet in it."-Ftiegende Blatter.
McFingle-"Did you have much OF
time with the boys last nightp" Nc
Fangle-''Time! Well. I guess! You
ought to have had the headache I
woke up with this morning!'-Boston
NewS.
where does this milk come from,
anyhow" asked Migglss. Cows, I
fancy" said Wagg. THAT accounts
for it" said Miggles. "Cowes is q
famous watering place. "-Harpsrs
Bazaar.
Kicking Constituent-'.Every one of
your bills failed to pass" Wrathful
Assemblyman-''Yes. but every one Of
the boys who wanted q pass got one,
didn't theyP What do you want-the
earthP"-Puck.
When ministers of the gospel take to
umpiring ball games, as has been FREE
Quently the case of late, the player
who tries to backslide or steal base
need have no hope Of getting home
Baltimore american.
See that fellow over therep He
doesn't know where he'll get his next
meal" You surprise me. He looks
well-to-do." He is; but he doesn't
know whether he'll dine at home or at
the club. "-BroOkiyn Life.
II hear Bronson sang Rocked in
the Cradle of the Deep at the concert"
Yes" Did he do it well?" He
did indeed. 1t was so vivid that five
people left the hall overcome with sea.
sickness. "-Harper's Bazaar.
The Present Time: Jessie-'Did Won
get the marriage license, dearp Let
me see it." Harry-"You won't un.
derstand It." Jessie-'Xes, / will.
TO whom these presents may come
yes; that is all rightr-Puck.
Il never knew Cumcash to have but
one falling" said friend of his to q
business man. YES" replied the
business man, 'that's about all; but
q Understand he made a good deal Of
money out Of that. - Washington Star.
Miss Prentice-"Wha do all those
signs see in the car meanp How do
you Get Home on the Installment
PlanP" Tom Dewitt-'First you get
q house. then you get wife. and then
the other installments complete the
home. "-PHck.
Wollard-"What do you mean by
telling the boys that you have had the
lockjawP" Pollard-'Just q little
joke of mine. You see. ] couldn't find
the lock last night. and my wife gave
me the jaw from the window above"
-LotUeu Citizen.
Mrs Worrit ION excursion bont)-
20, this crowd makes me sick and the
band makes my head achei" MIR.
Worrit-"Well, dear. you would 60
out to enjoy yourself. We never can
have our fun without some drawbacks,
you knoww-Puck.
Mistress Bridget. what is that
child crying so wildly forP" NURSE
ssChura Fnnm he's inst drinked all his