The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1891-07-11
"a heap. Uncle Thomas IS dcd, tho.

"a heap. Uncle Thomas IS dcd, tho.
"Peace to Uncle Thomas ashes. and
success to him! will be your Uncle
Thomas! Lean on INC, my pretty Secesh-
er, and lingcr in Blissful rcpose!' She
slept as secoorly as in her own housen.
At the first station troop of Sojers
entered tho cars and inquired if sold
Wax Works" was on bored. That was
the lisrespectiv stile in which they re-
ferred to me. "Decawz if Old Wax
Works is on borcl." SEE /, man with a
face like double brcsted lobster,
"wer, going to hang Old Wax Works!
my illustrious and patriotic Bum
mers!'' SEE l, u gittin mp and ta!kin orr
my Shappo, ''if you allude to A. Ward,
it's my pleasin doo.y to inform you that
he's del. He saw tho error of his ways
at Is minits parst 2 yesterday, and
stabbed hlsself with q stuffed sled stake,
dyin in five beautiful tab!oos to slow
moosic! His larst words was: MY per-
feshernal career is over! I jerk no
MORE"
"And who be you::"
II am a stoodent in Senator Benja.
Minis law offss. I'm going up north to
steal some spoons and thing, for the
Southern Army"
This was satisfactory and tho intossi-
Gated troopers went OFF. At the next
station the pretty little Scccs!ler awokc
and said she must get out there. bid
her kind adoo and give he some per-
vishuns. Accept my blessin and this
hunk of gingerbread" sed. She thankt
me muchly and tript galy away.
At the next station didn't get OFF SO
easy. Twas dragged out of the cars and
rolled in the mud for several lninits, for
the purpose of "takin the conseet out of
me-" us u Secesher kindly stated.
Twas let up finally, when a powerful
large Secesher came up and embraced
me, and to show that he had no hard
feelins agin me put his nose into my
mouth. returned the compliment by
placin my stummick suddenly agin his
right foc;, when he kindly made spit
toon of his able-bodied face. Actooated
by desire to see whether the Secesher
had been vaxinated then fastened my
teeth onto his left coat sleeve and tore it
to the shoulder.
We then vilently hunted our heads to-
gether for few minits, danced around
d little, and sot down in mud puddle.
We 1iz to our feet agin, and by a sudden
and adrOit movement I placed my left
eye agin tho Secesher's fist. We then
rushed into each others arms and fell
under two-hoss wagon. I was very
much exhausted and didn't care about
gittin up agin, but the man said he reck-
oned I'd better, and I conclooded l
would. He pulled mo up, but hadn't
bin on my feet 1norc'n two seconds afore
the ground flew up and hit mo in the
he'd. The crowd sed it was high old
sport, but couldn't zackly see where
the lafture come in. I rig and we en-
braced agin. We carccred madly to IL
steep bank, when got the upper hands
of my antagonist and threw him into
the raven. He fell about forty feet.
striking d grindstone pretty hard. l
understood he was injured. l haven't
heard from the grindstone.
A man in a cockt hat cum up and sed
he felt as though apology was doc me.
There was mistake. The crowd had
taken mo for another man! I told him
not to mention it, aad axod him if his
wife and little ones was so as to be about,
and got on bored the train, which had
stopped ut that station ego minits for re-
freshments." got all I wantid. It was
the hartiest meal ever ct.
was rid on rail the next day, a
bunch of blazin fire crackers bein tied
to my coat tales. It was fine spectycal
in dramatic pint Of view, but didn't
enjoy it. I had other adventures of a
startlin kir.d, but why continner? Why
lasserate the Public Boozum with these
here things? Suffysit to say l got across
Mason 8 Dixie's line safe at last.
made tracks for my humsted, but
she to whom I'm harnist for life failed
to recognize, in the emashiated bein
who stood before her, the gushin youth
of forty-six summers who had left her
only a few months afore. But l went
into the pantry, and brought out Ger
tin black bottle. Raisin it to my lips, l
sed, Here's to you, old gall" I did it
SO natral that she knowed mo ut once.
Those form! Them voice! That nat.
raj stile Of dom things! IT'S he!" she
cried, and rushed into my arms. It was
too much fer her s. she fell into swoon.
cum very near swoundin myself.
FOURTH OF JULY GRAFTON.
Delivered Oh the Fourth Of July at Weathers-