The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1891-01-15
PuNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

lit takos two to gossip The man
who listens can throw no blame on the
man who tells Atchison Globe.
The best way to pack trunk IS to
sit in an easy chair and watch your wife
do it Richmond Recorder
lin the puritan days cord Of oak
wood was worth the same as bushel OF
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS cents.
Its somewhat remarkable how 80
many crooked men get into straig htened
circumstances. Washington Post
Peasant Ito his SOM Say, Hans,
how long will you have to study before
you can wear glasses?''- Fliegende Blat-
ter.
-Scribbler-''I have just lots of fun
writing my jokes" Friend Then that
explains it Wondered where the fun
came in. Detroit Free Press.
II know what the nights of labor
are, said the mother of six boys as she
sat down to repair the pile of trousers
and Jackets
Watts How is old man Gilfillan?
Is he out of danger yet?' Doctor Bowless
II don't know. He died this morning."
Indianapolis Journal.
When person gets into hot water
you may be sure that he has furnished
his share of the fuel to heat the same.
Boston Transcript
An agnostic is a man who does not
know any thing, and glories in the fact.
The atheist is smart man who re-
joices in making q fool of himself
Boston Traveller.
Not Wholly Bad. your son one
Of those noisy, dissipated college boys?'
mot exactly. He is what you might
call the cub that cheers, but not in
ebriates. IN. Y. Sun.
There are two things needed in
these days: First, for rich men to find
out how poor men live, and second, for
poor men to know how rich men work.
Edward Atkinson.
WELL" said Brown to his newly
married friend, $50 your wife does the
cooking. wonder you are alive to tell
the tale" EYES," replied the other,
"but I am alive-alive and kicking."-
lid Bits.
Why is it that it is so much easier
for other people to say mean things
about man than it is to make pleas
ant comment? You yourself, you know,
never say any thing but pleasant things
about anybody --Somerville Journal.
Mr.. Quilp SAYS that the popular
game known as "Tiddledywinks" must
have been invented as safe alternative
for persons unable to stand the mental
strain of prolonged Indulgence in the
Idiots Delight. Buffalo Commercial.
The Almanac Said So. - Doctor -
"How do you know that your kidneys
are deranged, and you have consump-
ton and heart disease?" Patient-"Be-
cause I've been reading patent medi-
cine almanac. Yankee Blade
-Dapper-''What is the greatest lie,
Snapper, that ever impressed itself on
your experience?" Snapper-''Well, by
all odds, the worst lie ever heard was
the one your quartet perpetrated last
night when they came around to the
house and sang There's Music in the
Air. '"-Boston Courier
-Jenks-''Shall you 60 to the opera
this season as usual, Miss Helen?''
Helen-''We don't know yet Ethel and
want to 90 very much, but cur brother
George is on his college football team,
and we can't tell yet whether we shall
be in mourning this year or not "-Har-
per's Weekly.
His Ideas Not Wanted. Great Edi-
tor-"You want to be journalist, Mr.
Deake? What are your qualifications?''
Mr.. Deake with pardonable pride)-"l
was graduated from Harvard, and took
postgraduate course at Yale" Great
Editor-'Um. yes; both good colleges,
athletically; you must have a good pair
Of legs! Suppose you start in collecting
bicycle notes for our Connecticut edi-
ton. The Epoch.