Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-06-11

So- ---SS0 80 gu So-
Hackman-Oh. yes, sirl Trust me
for that.
ITS only proper for you to know
that when I get through my lecture I
like to leave the hall in hurry"
what time shall I expect you, sir 2"
@Um; ah-well-that will depend
good deal on the audience. "-TerGs
Yankee Ingenuity
Spindle-Why do you put such hor-
fibly perfumed stuff on your hair /?
It's enough to knock any one over.
Brindle-To keep from catching
cold.
aHuhl What good does that stuff
do ?"
1T has become the style now for
gentlemen to remove their hats in all
sorts of draughty places when there
happen to be ladies present; but when
take If mine they always beg me to
put it on again, so as not TO take cold +"
-Huml How much is it a bottle -
Street 6 Smiths Good Nel1s.
Double Weight.
Bulfneh-I asked for a pound OF
dried apples.
Grocer know it.
Bulfnch-Well, I don't believe there's
quarter of q pound here.
Grocer-YOu don't seem to under
stand about dried apples. When you
come to put those in the water you will
find have given you double weight.
RetrIbution.
Plumber-You're one of those chaps
that are always writing smart things
about the size of plumbers bills, amt
you?
Squibbler-Why, L
Plumber thought so. The bill
for this job, sir, will be S32465.
VIII BE Decided Later.
Mr.. Macsuitor Ito the fair ones sis
ter)-@And how old are you, Flossie p
Flossie-@Oh, that hasn't been de-
cided yet"
Not decided yet?"
@No; ma says it'll be time enough
when Kate has landed you. "-WaUe.
Too Inquisitivs.
Wife-@Such a dream as I had last
night, dearl"
Husband May I hear about it?"
"Well-yes. I dreamed that was
in a great establishment where they
sold husbands. There were beauties
some in glass cases and marked al
fearful prices, and others were sold at
less figures. Girls were paying out
fortunes and getting the handsomest
men I ever saw. 1t was wonderful.
did You see any like me there
dear?"
yes. Just as was leaving saw 6
whole lot like you, lying on the rem,
nant counter. PittsblGrg Bulletin.
That's Di9srsnt.
Irene taking a walk with her friend
Laura, look Who is that handsome
gentleman on the other side of the
street?
Miss Kajones Cooking straigh
ahead)-I wouldn't turn my head OF
the street to see the handsomest gen
tleman that ever drew breath You
ought to have more dignity. "a min
ute or two later, having met and pass
ed an acquaintance)-Doe Mollil
Glizzard's cloak fit horribly in tn,
back?
He Would Have Watered 1t.
%That amt Jay Gould" said a raw
boned Kentuckian the other day as h
saw the magnate through the car win
dow at small station siding.
%'Tis, too" ecntended his wife.
'Tain't nuther. I tell you," persist
ed the man, "caze 1 seen him take
drink of straight liquor"
What's that got to do with ?" al
gued the woman.
Everything. Eft ed been ia
Gould, he'd a put water in it, shore
I've read all about the kind of a maj
| Jay Gould is" And he strutted up an
down the platform like a rooster in
stable lot.-LIldia7ldpOlis Journal.
She Wasn't Particular.
An old lady in Belleville was dyin
of lingering illness, and her paste
called upon her to administer religion
consolation. After some general COZ
versation the minister brought fort
his Bible, and, suggesting that sh
might feel consoled by hearing a chaI
ter read, asked her what part sh
would prefer.
well. 1 don't much care" was Ii
reply. @but that story about Samso
setting fire to the foxes tails is aboJ
as funny as any."-AlbG11y Argus.
UnfashioaabIe CANNES.
Mrs. De Style-HaVe you any fasl
ionable dogs?
Honest dealer-I am sorry to say
sold the last about an hour ago.
Mrs. De Style-You appear to hay
hundreds of beautiful dogs of all sort
and kinds left. Are none of the
fashionable?
Dealer-No, madam. All of the.
/
Smiths Good Nelos.
APIobIem in Addition.
Miss Ambrosia Passee (gigglingly)-
Do you know I reached my birthda
to-day? Well, now, how old do yc
think am?
Mr.. Dnlidany Cgallantly)-sevel
teen and bit.
Mr.. Sillibilly-About Twenty-Five
Miss A. Passee-And, Mr.. Haysed
what do you think?
Mr.. Haysede-WaI, takin' it a
tgether 1 guess the gentlemen is nigh
Force of Habit
Embarrassed young man Ito faith
of his adored)-I have come, NJ
Greement, to ask you for the hand
Miss Amy.
Mr.. Greement proprietor of cole
ton agency)-I have no objectio
George. I think it viii be all RICH
Observation-Disclosures are prepares
OF course, to make the regular cash d
posit of S25?
Which She Is Pretty Certain to Do.
When a woman wills, she viii, al
when she says she won't, she Won
-uniess she changes her mind. Son