davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
BRIGHT BITS.

SKEPTIc-If this is such wonderful specific
OF yours, why are all the doctors opposed to it?
Quack--Because when man takes 1t he keeps
well too long.-Ihe Epoch.
"WRY did Lots wife look back?" asked the
pretty sunday school teacher.
II suppose a woman passed her with a new
bonnet on, replied Johnny Cumso.-EDoch
SINGLEToN--I am suffering dreadfully; cut
ting my wisdom teeth, you know.
Doubledup-Don't say. didn't cut mine till
after was married-Kate Fields Washington.
SHE-I saw your cousin Tom the other day.
He looked shockingly i'll.
He-Well, you see, Tom has just moved into
a suburban villa and is taking care of his own
furnace.-BoSton Beacon.
BoGas-What is your idea about what the
United States should do with its VcePresidentsf
Foggs-Let 'em alone. Hayes is raising
chickens, and Ceveland-well, you read the
papers, don't youi- Brooklyn Life
"a MAN insulted me while ago by offering
me $500 for vote" remarked New York al
derman to a friend
well. suppose you pocketed the insult"
replied the friend.-Smith-Gr Monthly.
You HAVE omitted one item." said the de-
parting guest to the landlord.
Whats that?" asked mine host.
1.-The bookkeeper said good morning to me
to-day, and you've forgotten to charge for it. ~
| Hurper'S Bdzdr.
did you say anythingP" asked the funny
man, as his companions bicycle gave loud
snap.
| no" RESPONDED the cyclist, YEARLY. as he
picked himself up, lit was the wheel spoke.
Baltimore AmerIcdn,
WoULD-BE RusHER Playing foot ball thi.
year?
Jack Down-Nol Stopped by the Pater. Why
don't you play?
Would.bs Rusher-I was stopped by every
one who tackled me.-YGIe Record.
THE women sir. are making great strides IL
| their movement toward equal rights with men,
| remarked a woman in bass voice to gentle
man on Jefferson avenue car.
| Yes responded the gentleman, "and al
| ways have my opinion of women who take ions
strides. Detroit free Press.
John" said the solicitors wife. you've Ief
i your umbrella behind you"
Il know it. -
| But you always carry it."
II guess it's safe to so without 1t to-day
| though. I'm going to watch them work the
rain producers. Washington StGr.
Ruth CLEvE1AND-Papa wish to touch you
| gently on the silver question.
| Grover-My daughter, am for an honest
| Ruth-There, there. papa, don't talk shop
| What l want to know is, have you sllve
dollar about your clothes that l can cut N.
| teeth onI
(Grover fumbles.) y Minneapolis Journal.
UNCLE ABRAHAM over on Chatham street was
| speaking to an acquaintance the other day
about putting some sort of an emblem over tn,
door of his store. I'D put bee hive" sug
gested the man.
'Vot does the bee hive stand for?'
| For industry
''Oh, dot vhas all nonsensel Dot doan' show
people dot sell Sl4 suit for SIS -
| 81 know; but the bee is a worker"
| Eyes; but dot doan' do. Eafrybody vhas
| worker. Industry vhas all right, but IL some
| body comes back init pair of pants dot shrunl
oop eighteen inches. dot bee hive doan explain
dot il was a singular climate on pants. "-Te1a
| SiftGnlS
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
DISSATISFIED Even With Death.

81 was travelling by buggy through one of the
most prosperous counties of Illinois recently"
said a New York commercial tourist to & Chi
cago Times man, and met an odd character
in the person of an old farmer who was deter
mined to be pleased at nothing. The old man
was standing leaning against the barnyard gate
as drove up. Seeing well in the Enclosure l
asked the tiller of the soil If l might have a
drink therefrom. He gruffly assented, and
hitching my horse was soon cooling my thirsty
throat with as cool, clear, pure water as l ever
tasted. l complimented the old man on the
| water, and a colloquy something like this fol-
| lowed
"'That's splendid water said l.
| "Ye-es. but it's so darned hard the wimmen
| folk have to breakit with an ak when they want
| TO wash,
"'You have a fine, large farm here
| It's so goll-darned big that it takes all can
| raise to pay the taxes
| 81 notice you have splendid crops this
year
Ives, the crops is putty good, but then
| everybody is got Just as good crops and nobody
| won't get nothin' for it.
| This is fine harvest weather.
| Putty good harvest weather. but powerful
bad on hay. Grass won't grow nohow while it
| stays dry like this
| "You seem to have good health yourself
| Cant complain o. my health, but it keeps
| my appetite SO powerful that l eat more'n a
| nired man
| Disguised with a man who considered good
health and a powerful appetite things to kick
| about, drove on If that man dies aad by any
| chance gets into heaven he'll be kicking before
he been there an hour that his harp is out of
| tune and that his halo doesn't fit him."
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
PERSONAL.

MmLET's "Angelus' has been insured by Yrs.
Chanchard, the present owner. for $1,000.
JAMES SPRISaER, acting United States consul
al Matsnzas, Cuba, has had many encounters
with footpads, and has always come out ahead.
| LADY MAcDoxALD widow OF the Canadian
premier. has drunk no wine since the Christmas
OF 1907, a pledge she took in answer to a jocular
challenge.
TaE First Congregational church of San
Francisco. Cal, has sent call TO Rev. Or.
Virgin OF the Pilgrim Congregational church
Of Harlem, N y.
AMELIE RIvEs- CHAMBER is 10 have studio
building erected at her rural home in Virginia.
Castle HILL" designs therefor having been
completed by Richmond architect.
ALEXANDER Br-1.-. son Of ole Bull, the famous
violinist. is in New York, and though not a
professional musician, is a violin player by in
heritance, and Is expected TO be heard soon in
| concert.
THE Daily Pres, 1-cent afternoon and
Scent Sunday paper, has been started at Chi
| cago with Robert Lindblom as its hacker and
| Stanley Waterloo as editor. IL Is to be indie
pendent In politics.
The Canadian painter. Forbes, has nearly
! completed his portrait Of Mr.. Gladstone, which
will be presented 10 the National Liberty Club,
in November, on behalf OF Canadian subscribers
10 the portrait fund.
UNITED STATES MINISTER LINCOLN and the
military attache of the American legation in
London, Maj Post. will leave London on
Wednesday for Italy and the east. They will
be absent for q month.
QUEEN NATALIE OF SERvIA intends 70 make
Biarritz her permanent residence, and has
taken the Villa Ruiz. Four years ago this villa
was one Of the best residences in BiarritZ. and
was surrounded by extensive and well timbered
grounds.
The REPORT comes from Paris that Charles T.
Yerkes, the street car baron, has spent $780,
600 in the purchase of works of art. The Chi
caRo patrons OF the cars may reflect on the
truth Of the adage that many nickel makes
mickle."
GEORGE P. INGERsoLL, son of ex-Congress-
man Colin NJ Ingerson, of Connecticut, and
Miss Alice Witherspoon, granddaughter
OF one of the signers of the declaration OF in
dependence. were married at New Haven Tues
day evening.
GEN. Frrz HUGH LEE, OF whom many papers
published obituaries OF the time of the death of
his cousin. Gen. W. H. Les, recently. delivered
the grafton at the unwilling OF statue of the
confederate general, W. Q. Wickham, at Rich
mond, Va, the other day.
MRS. CATION the sister OF the President, who
was thrown from a carriage in Indiana last
summer. while Gen. Harrison was in California,
is now visiting at the white house. She has
fully recovered from her injuries, though at one
time they were reported fatal.
MGR. THOMAS ScorT PRESTON vicar general
Of the Catholic diocese OF New York, who died
at the pastoral residence of st. AIMS church,
IN that city, on Tuesday was native of Hart
ford, Conn, and o. years OF age. His parents
were of old New EnglaDd families and Episco-
palians. He was received into the Catholic
church In 1549.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
Her Bagzege Goes Astrav.

ladies is more cautious" said the colored
porter, in the presence Of the Boston Transcript
man, as he sat on the arm Of the seat in the
I Pullman car, falling to console the man whose
baggage had been left behind. You gemmen
don't like 10 ask too many questions, so you
jes' swap checks and don't b1ther. aud then
you ketch yourselves a thousand miles of
/ thout change 10 put on. Ladies is more eau
tious. specially when they's travelling alone
They don't make nothing of staying right by a
baggagefnan till they git asked of all the CUES
tions they We got on their Minus and they gen
orally examine their checks and hang round 10
see IL they've got EN- on straight and all to
correspond
when find lady fussing about her lost
baggage, sir. on any of my runs always find a
LADY who trusted 10 a man to look after her
baggage for her and he DIDN'T do it. CSse not
long ago, sir. Lady asked me wren we got
started 70 take her checks n see to it that they
was changed. Poor thing had expressmen's
checks She cried about an hour. 1t was the
gentleman she was engaged to ba married to
who undertook to change 'em for her. and
somehow he got 'em wrong. She said: o, l
thought / could trust him. OH 600 90 .
ike that, and then she'd cry again quiet tele-
graphed back foe her. and she got her trunks
in time
II kept count after that for twenty runs,
SIR, and there was twelve times there was ladies
had baggage left behind and every time but
one 1t was because they'd trusted 70 their men
folks about the checking. Ladies is always
more cautious themselves. They always feel
better to know it's along on the same train"
Yes, OF couse," meekly said the man who
had left his baggage behind.
But how do the men ever check their own
baggage right if they are so nsglectful OF the
trunks of the women of their famiiiesY" asked
little Rentle-looking woman who seemed to
pity the man the porter was making life miser-
able for.
They do get IL right sometimes-sometimes-
but ladies' Is more cautious, said the porter as
he got down from the arm ot the car seat to go
and answer the bell which was ringing from
one Of the aft staterooms
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Muley has had more trouble with his
brunette subjects. Reigning in Morocco
under the policy of Sultan Muley is al
most as stormy as raining in Texas under
the favorite prescription of Gen. Dyren-
forth. Still Muley has probably brought
down as much heavy game as ever the can
nonading general did. Before Sultan Muley
could completely restore order in his sultry
land he found it necessary to kill off some
of his chief mobiles and lock up his ambi-
tious younger brother. Oriental brothers
seem to be something of nuisance on gen.
eral principles.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
MEDICAL
HEALTH IS WEALTH /

Dr. Z c VESTS NERVE AMI RR.ry
hssr, guaranteed specific for Hysteria E SzAs
ness, Commissions, Fits Nervous ~. gJi.zi
Heaaache' Nervous Prostration caused by go
OF alcohol or tobocco. WaketulneSs Men,, ,ne use
preston, Softeaing OF the Brain resnltj, Do
sanity ana Leading 70 misery. decay and an n
Premature Old Age, Barrenness, Loss AZ ppeath
in either sex Involuntary Losses and Sper Twse
abuse or over-indulgsnca Each bor c ~il seSt-
one month treatment. 81 GOA box. or sir bS ans
for $ ~, s-rt nv mail Drapad -cei-, ~ oores
WE GUARANTEE SIX BOVEs prics
To cure any case. With each order rao,-il,,.
US Lor six boxes, accompanied with e. al - y
VIII send the purchaser our written oS,ss -, w
- refund the money If the treatment does nos
HEIDI DRUG CO., Sole Agents s SuIs oy TIE
Dor ddnan9g, tricky Heat use Boracins ToiIss
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Somebody has contrived a new-fangled
purse described as "the great Oriental mys-
terry" which the maker offers to sell for rs
cents, though he claims that "it can be filed
ithw gold or silver which nobody unacquain-
ted with the secret can get out" If that
'handy little article" also tells the inquiring
and frugal purchaser how to get that gold
and silver so carelessly alluded to then the
public must freely admit the claim of the
inventor that his contriyance is truly "a
marvel of ingenuity" Apparently that is
the most valuable feature Of the contriv-
ance.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
NDRX TO NRW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEETTNas-The Merchants and Mechanics
Loan and Building Association; DeKalb Lodge
No. Q. 1. o. o. F.
MILITARY ORDER-Republican Blues.
SPECIAL NoTICEs-As to Bills Against British
Steamships Trevaylor, Cyprus and Norwegian
Bark India; Southover Land and improvement
Company; Dividend Reppard Iron Company;
Savannah Street Railroad. Clement Saussy,
General Manager; Special Notice, Lindsay &
Morgan.
TO-DAY, WEDNEsDAY-B H. Levy Bro.
AMUsEMExT-Katie Putnam at the Theater
Nov. 1914.
AUCTION SALE-Old Hoss Sale of Unclaimed
Freight. Richmond and Danville Railroad, OPP
Grating Central Railroad and Banking Company
Of Georgia by l. D. LaRoche & Son.
FULL DRESS SUITs-Falk Clothing Company.
The Big SALE OF LADIES UNDERwEAR-A, r.
Altmayer & Co.
CHEAP COLUMN ADVERTISEMENTS - Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale; Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
Another New American.

From the New York Judge.
In the prisint hot dissinsion ye obsarve misap
prihinsion
In regards of workin' rackets in the comm
fall campaign,
And some FELIX'S do be claimin that they sartin
have the namin'
OF the kind OF sort of shtoyle of man the Oirish
vote to gain.
Thin some fellys do be shoutin' and some papers
do be spoutin'
That they have the very candidate and have
the noicest plan,
Wild platform smooth and aisy toat will knock
all others crazy,
And will gather in the franchise of the honest
work1n man.
Az ye notice. too, thin fellys wild the large bay
windy bellies,
And a mout' like Harlem tunnel and copper
bottomed t'roat
That shtand bladyin' on the corners that they
understand the formers,
And can calculate exactly pwhere to place the
German vote.
Begorra, I've notion when 1 KEN across the
ocean
For to grow up wild the country and me
brand-new life began,
When KEN widout a farden trough the gates
of Castle Garden,
bekem red-hot yankee and bould Ameri-
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
PERSONS who object to the consciousness

PERSONS who object to the conspicuousness
of gold filling when it is placed in the front
teeth may now have their dentists use a sub
stance which resembles the teeth so closely in
color that it's presence can be detected only by
a close and careful examination. This filing Is
kind Of glass and is the invention of Ger
man. 1t was put on the market only short
time ago, but it has been used enough to prove
that the idea is a capital one. The glass comes
in the form Of sand, which is made of nine
different tnts. These hues range from bright
white through various yellows to a kind of
pale pink. Generally q set of teeth will have
about the color of one of the ten kinds of sands.
but to have the two exactly the some it may be
necessary to mix two shades.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

A LETTER nine years on its travel is a rare oc-
currence nowadays. On Sept. 6, 1892, Herr L.,
living in Prenzau sent letter to his brother
at the Wellington hotel, Christchurch, New
Zealand. The letter arrived safely, but never
reached the hands of the person to whom it
was addressed; and now, after nine years
straying, has been, through the postofice in
Berlin, returned TO the sender Numerous
German, English and French postmarks and
remarks cover the envelope, and apparently it
was for long time unnoticed ia the letter box
at the Wellington hotel. The envelope bears
the English postmark Oct. 8, 1882, the date of
its arrival at the hotel. Another date is June 8
1891, with the inscription, Non recame" and
Not called for" It then went back TO Ger
many. On Aug, 1s it fell into the hands of the
sender at Prenzlau. His brother, TO whom it
was sent, died long since.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Brazil has fallen into troublous times.
Though her dictator loudly proclaims that
his act Of usurpation of power was neces-
sary to avert the restoration of the empire
there is room for suspicion that Dictator
Fonseca is acting in collision with the
former reigning family in bringing out the
young Prince Pedro Augusta on an Aus
trian war corvette. Without some as
surance of friendly disposition toward
him on the part of those in power 1t is not
natural to suppose that banished prince
would venture to return to his native land
and risk the punishment which might
await him In the absence of such friendly
assurances from those sufficiently powerful
to protect him from arrest. What measure
of sincerity attaches to the fervid declara-
tions of the dictator can only be determined
when the prince finally arrives at Rio
Jsneiro. Excitement of some sort is likely
to ensue In any event. Measuring the degree
of its violence is the best that the wisest
political prophets can do.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Erecting a monument over the heart of
Gambetta is not at all typical Of the great
Frenchman. We're he still living the
chances are that his heart would be confined
&C. no particular part of his beloved France.
separating his heart from his body in order
TO erect monument over 1t as II to confine
1t to that particular spot. Nor would such a
mark Of distinction be correct as a mere
tribute to the heart OF the eminent states
man. AS a matter of fact It was his head
that really did the most for France.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
Why Not Another Road to Maconi

Why Not Another Road to Maconp
Between this city and Macon there are
now two partly constructed railroads, either
of which, completed would be of almost in
calculable benefit TO Savannah. Either
would open to settlement splendid section
of country, which would be placed under
cultivation very quickly because of its
superb agricultural advantages.
A week or two ago it seemed to be almost
certain that one of these roads-the Macon
and Atlantic-woud be built soon. It had
got out of the hands of the receiver and
work upon it had begun. Unfortunately
however, it is again in financial difficulties,
and nothing can be stated with any degree
Of certainty as to when 1t will be completed.
The other road is tae Savannah,
Dublin and Western. The road bed is fin
ished and the trestles built for a distance of
forty miles west Of Ellabell, where it forms
a junction with the Savannah and Western.
This unfinished road is controlled by the
Central railroad.
AT Dublin there is a road which recently
passed into the hands of a syndicate of Chica
go men. 1t is called the Savannah, Dublin
and Macon, and is being operated from
Macon to Dublin. The syndicate appears
to be strong one financially.
II either the Macon and Atlantic or the
Savannah, Dublin and Western were fin
ished to Dublin Savannah would have al
most an airline road to Macon. When the
| Chicago syndicate purchased the Savannah
| Dublin and Macon road it undertook tc
obtain control Of the old route to this city.
1t failed, however, to do so.
Cannot those interested in the Macon and
| Atlantic and those who own the Savannah
Dublin and Macon be induced to Join hands
and complete the Macon and Atlantic tx
/ Savannah There ought to be no insur
mountable difficulties in the way of doinl
that. Concessions on the part of eacl
party might result benefcially to both
Cannot the Savannah stockholders of the
| Macon and Atlantic do something TOWARD
bringing about such unionl BY making
an effort to do SO they might help them
selves AS we'll as Savannah.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11
Here's a Matrimonial Hustler.

In Buchanan. Mich, the presence Of matri
monial expert has been made public. Twenty
years ago Miss Mary Mitchell married Mr.
Swearinger. was divorced, married Mr.. Sher-
wood, became a widow, married Mr.. Thomp-
son, was divorced, remarked Mr.. Thompson
was divorced again, and has just remarked her
first husband, Mr.. Swearinger. She has been
divorced three times and married five times
and is still only SO years old.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Despite the unfriendliness of the London
county council his royal nibs of Wales had
enough friends around town to give him
first half century of royal expectation and
laying of corner-stones. Everybody Clipped
in pretty literally and Prince Al has now
accumulated so many slippers and speckled
cravats that he can't wear them all in the
next fifty years of his glorious career of
dancing
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Holding down the notorious "meat mar
quis" is again greatly troubling his relatives.
When Marquis De Mores went into his grea
butchering scheme out west some years
ago he squandered piles of money for his
wife and father. Rich old banker Hoffman
refused to put up" any more and the meat
scheme spoiled. Now old Due de Vallam
brosa is declining to back his Eighty
son any further and his wife wants to stop
his extravaganoe.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Mr.. WEATHERLY was sitting in his office,
when a young man came in and presented a
bill for $40. LOOK here, young fellow. it seems
that you people are in considerable Of hur-
ry for money
Il don't think so, sir. You have owed it for a
year"
Yes, for year, but let me tell you that 1
am 81 years old. So you see there were fifty
didn't owe you cent for fifty years. Now l
don't see what better record you want than
that Let time even this thing llttle-let US
be consistent. "-ArkdasGD TIdueller.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Dict ator Fonseca did not lose much time
in proceeding to raise the needful funds for
his administration by leasing the sta to rail-
way at reduced rental in order to get
ready gold In advance from a conflding
corporation. Any company that has SO
much confidence in human nature as to in
trust its cash SO freely to an arbitrary ruler
Of more or less temporary tenure is abso-
lutely nothing less than guileless, however
artful its object. By the overthrow of the adj
ministration down goes the cash into the
personal exchequer of the dictator and the
stockholders are just out SO much on their
sublime faith.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Since the death of Gen. Albert Pike, the
Oldest living Mason has Until few days
ago been William II. Hartley. Until last
Sunday he has lived in Missouri at the town
of BoonviIle and had been an active Ma
son for seventy-five years. Such an APP
premiership should have taught him the
craft pretty thoroughly. and his friends say
that il did
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-11-11

Monarchy is lettering upon the throne of
Portugal with fresh impetus of trembling
insecurity communicated by late rumblings
of discomfort and manifestations of republi,
can tendencies. So strong is that feeling
growing that its influence seems to permeate
the atmosphere Of the ancient and always
enterp-ifing little kingdom. About the only
way that King Luiz can thoroughly eradl-
cate thiS feeling is to exercise the fertile ex-
pedients of craftsmanship to furnish his
subjects with such engrossing occupations
as will serve as distractions to divert their
minds from seditious projects and turn their
attention to adding to the long list of Portu-
guese explorations and discoveries and
developments of foreign lands. Nothing
could be more effective.