The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-05-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Comes high, but we must have 1.-THE
sun.-LDe.
A dead heat must be the kind that is
used in a crematory Buffalo Express.
A woman can say more with few
tears than man can express in book
RAMS Horn.
"Was Byron a club man2p "Not all
through. He had a club foot only."-
NunSey's Weekly.
People are like base drums, the thin
ner their heads the more noise they
make Washington Star.
When man has run his race in this
world and the end comes he is out of
breath.-Ne,O Orleans Picayune.
Every one admires man of push, but
nobody wants to be the person pushed
aside by the man.-St. Joseph Ne,Os.
Up goes the price of horses board.
Every bit that goes into your horses
mouth must be paid for Boston Tran
script.
De Jones-"I say, Van Brown, how is
it that you are always out when 1 calll"
Van Brown-"Oh, just luck. ."-Bostoa
Gazette.
Professor-''Gentlem the air is a
substance which we cannot see, but it is
by no means so simple a substance as it
FIiegeade Blaettcr.
Head of Firm (angrily)-"Who is that
smoking in the Officer" Bookkecper-
"The ofice-boy, sir" Head of Firm
"Oh, all right, l thought it was one of
the clerks. .'-Broo&lyn Life.
From a speech; "Gentemen, we have
great cause for rejoicing that this stone
which has so long weighed upon our
hearts has been finally removed from our
uecks. ."-F2iegeade Blaetter.
Rose ION the divan)-"I think I'll say
yes. 1t is better to marry man you
respect than one you adore" Dolly
"But it's so much easier to love men
than to respect them. ."-LUe.
"NIr. Leipup, said the landlady to the
new boarder, "do you wish to have your
eggs for breakfast in any particular way3"
"Yes, madam he replied; 81 prefer
them fresh. ."-Judgo.
Miss Pnysics-"Dear Mr.. Physiology,
you remind me of barometer that is
filled with nothing in its upper story"
Mr.. Physiology You occupy my upper
story, my dear Miss Physics. ."-R9cheStor
Idlismdq.
A household journal says: "The
toothsome mince pie has quite a pedi-
gree" We knew there was something
in it mighty hard to digest, but never
once suspected it was pedigree. e.-Nor-
riSt0WH Herald.
"Amelia, darling" eyes, Arthur
"You know we are soon to be married"
eyes" "And we should learn to be
economical in small things" eyes"
"Iadn't you better turn down the gasl"
Spare Moments.
81 have always taken pleasure in your
presence" she. said, as they were parting
us friends and nothing more. 81 beg
your pardon" he said, reAectively, "but
would you mind spelling that last wordl"
- Washington Post.
"What's this report about Smithers
sending an internal machine to you,
Bronson2" ats perfectly true. He
didn't send it to me, though He sent
it to my boy. 1t music box that plays
white Wings, ''-Ne,0 York. Herald.
With trembling voice, though ardent look,
lie family asked her could she cook
She Owned she could, aud, bolder grown,
He asked her il she'd bo his own.
"lndeedY said she, with her nose a curl;
i suppose you wore wanting a hired girl
--Indtdnapois Journal.
Dappcr-'What is the greatest lie,
Snapper, that ever impressed itself on
your experience" Snapper-''Weu, by
all odds, the worst lie l even heard was
the ono your quartette perpetrated last
night when they came around to the
house aud sang There's music in the
air. "-B0st0H Courier.
The Hoadmaster of the Girls High
School is describing to the class the
beauty OF the Alps, which he has visited
during his vacation, aud ends his lecture
in these words: "And there, with one
foot l stood On the ice of the glacier,
while with the other l was plucliiug the
most beautiful flowers Fliegeaao
Blaeitey.
"Madam," said the tramp, 81 was
told by the woman who lives next door
that If | would call here a charitable
lady would dougte TO a deserving way
farer some scraps Of fried liver left over
from breakfast" "She said that, did
she, the mean, good -for-nothingl" ex.
claimed the woman. ''Fried liyei, in
deedl Come inside, my good man, and
Iil cook you the best porterhouse steak
YOU ever ate. .'-Ne'o York Herald.