Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-06-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Ideas loaded with words are slow to
60 off, Washington Star.
Luck is good thing to depend upon
| if you have no desire to succeed Som
eroiNe Journal.
Why is defeated candidate like the
earth2 Because he is flattened a. the
polls.-Teras Sytings.
Judge-"Single or married2 prison
er sighs deeply.) Oh, yes, see. Mar
ried. Fliegende Blaetter.
Emin Pasha has sent word from Zanzi-
bar that he is about to go to Ujiji, place
famous for its jays.-Philadelphia Ledger.
If SANDER did not hurt its victims
there would be no particular pleasure in
| it for the slanderer. Orleans Picay-
| une.
Two Milwaukee dentists have dissolved
after partnership of twenty three years.
They could not pull together any longer.
| Statesman.
First Farmer--''I suppose you heard
! about the cyclone over here2" Second
Farmer-"Yes, we got wind of it,
Washington Post.
Reporter-"What shall I head this
bargain-counter story2" Editor-"Call
it 'An Hour in Woman's Paradise -
Nep York Recorder.
The mar who .'feels himself to be diff
ferent from other men" shouldn't always
brag about it. Dime-museum freaks are
in the same fix..-Puc1.
If you have anything to give, give it
to the "hail fellow, we'll met" II you
have anything to lend, lend it to solne-
body else.-DdlLas Necs.
He's so afraid he won't offend
So long as he confines
Himself to censure, he'll pretend
To read between the lines.
Judge.
Mistress-"What would you do,
Bridget, if you could play the piano as
well as oani" Bridget-"sure, I'd go
on learnin' until l could play it dacently." +"
-Munsey's Weekly.
"Why, Janetl What in the world is
the matter with FidoW "He's got
severe cold, dear. l think must have
left his muzzle off too suddenly, you
know" ."--London Judy.
"Do you mean by this" said he,
''that you wish me to cease calling
here2" "Not at ALL" said she. "Papa
and mamma will always be glad to SEQ
you. ."-Harper's Bazar.
Babies are so slow in learning to talk
because they have to devote SO much of
their time and energy in trying to un-
derstand what in the world it is their
mothers say.---Someroilb Journal.
| Son Jack, when young and wild of whim,
| could not put check on him;
Now, older grown he is more meek.
And begs me for cheque a week.
Judge.
"Your brother, the dentist, is very
slow and torturing at pulling out teeth"
81 know he is, but you see he's rich
and only follows the business for the
pleasure it gives him. "-F1iege,sde Blaet-
| ter.
'I'd like to know why you hired a
| young woman for type-writer2" de-
manded Mrs. Hilow of her husband.
$50 could have some one to dictate
to-" replied the unhappy man. - Chicago
Neaos.
There is no person IN the world so
| self-conscious as the man who has just
/ had his moustache shaved off, unless it
be the woman who found out that her
dress doesn't hang even.-Boston Tran
script.
(which one of us do you think the
haudsomerl" asked one of the two pretty
girls. SIT is impossible for me to COM
pare you," said the diplomatic young
man. "You are both Incompatible. >
Indianapolis Journal.
''Mamma," said precocious young
| ster at the tea table the other evening,
after long and yearning gaze toward
| plate of doughnuts, "Mamma, think
could stand another one of those fried
holes. ."-Drake's Magazine.
Mrs. de Kidd-"If you want a name
at once graceful, aristocratic and unique
for your baby, why don't you have it
copyrighted2 Authors are entitled to
full right on the titles of their own
works. = Munsey's Weekly.
In Court: ''Have you anything to say
in your defense, prisoner2" Nothing,
your Honor, except that made mis-
take in the number of the house. did
not at all intend to break into that
house. Fliegende Blaetter.
'I hear that Mrs. Barlow is disputing
her late husbands will" "Why, l
thought he left everything to her." $50
he did, but she never let the old man
have his own way. It's matter of
principle with r."-Neo York Sun.
All in the Family: "You can't do any
business with me-" said the new settler
| to the village doctor. 81 intend to be
my own DOCTOR" s'That's all right, " re-