Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-02-19
coNJuGAL REFLECTIONS.

''Really" retorted his better half,
with great sarcasm. ''But you'd better
lie down and go to sleep. With those
ears it's great wonder, Hiram, dear,
you didn't hear regiment of anarchists
and battering ram!-[New York
Herald.
FROM THE CITY.
Deacon Hardscrab5le Ito passenger re-
quiring three seats for himself and bag
gage)-You are from the city, / pre-
sumel
Mr.. Shoat-Yes; how did you know
it!
Deacon Hardscrabble-Oh, we butch
cred our country hogs three months ago!
Il New York Herald.
SHE WOULDN'T SMOOTH.
He (after the quarreD Come now,
darling, smooth your wrinkled front.
Shc-There you go again. am not
wrinkled. am younger than you are.
Jack Winters, I'll never speak to you
again!-[Epoch.
NOT JUST NOW.
Bunting-Bsmarck's annual income
from his yeast business is abou. $34, :
600.
Larkin-Still you can scarcely call
him rising man.-[Epoch.
REFERRED TO PA.
Lovely Daughter-Pa, Mr.. Nicefellow
proposed to me last night, and referred
him to you.
Pa-Wcll, really don't know much
about the young man, and I'll have
Daughter-When he calls to sec you
about it, you are to receive him kindly
real fatherly, remember and help him
along all you can, until he asks for my
hand, and then you are to look alarmed,
and talk about what an angel am, and
how many millionaires and dukes and
princes I've refused; and then you are
to reluctantly consent and give him your
blessing.
"oh, I am, am II Butsuppose. don't,
then WHAT"
"Ill marry him anyhow" ."-[New York
Weekly.
ESCAPED.
Landlady-Let's see, Mr.. Impecune
owes me for three weeks board. You
needn't mind dusting Mr.. Impecunes
room this morning, Jane!
Jane-No mem, the gintleman's done
it hisself!
Landlady-Doae what?
Jane-Dusted. Il American Grocer
| DOWN ALL AROUND.
Two Department clerks were looking
| in fur store window filled with marked
down goods.
THAT IS cape there is just like I am, "
said one.
"How's that9" inquired his com
panion.
Reduced to $5."-[Washingtor
| Star
AN ECONOMICAL STOVE.
Young Husband-Well, my dear, did
you succeed in finding a stove to suit
you3
Young Wife-Indeed, l did. Such
good luck! got stove that will never
cost us a cent for coal. The dealer sale
it was self-feeder. II New Y York Weekly
KNEW JUST WHAT HE WAS DOING.
'You tell me you congratulated thu
bride, Brooks2. That was not the proper
form. You should have wished he
JOY"
'The groom is an old man, very con
sumptive, and very wealthy. l knew
what | was doing, Rivers. ~ Chicago
Tribune.
LEFT OUT.
| asked her heart of Winnfred,
All! if could but win it;
She laughing replied, "Dear Ned,
L fear you are not in it.
Il Harvard Lampoon.
LIVING AND SHOW.
Foreign Visitor-Does it cost much tt
live in New York;
Host-No, sir, it doesn't cost much t.
live in this city; but it costs like San
Hill to keep up appearances. Il New
York Weekly.
SECRETS OF THE PROFESSION.
Stage Manager-Where is Afghan
Lumbago, the tattooed Zulu?
Property Boyle got caught In the
rain coming from supper, and he is down
stairs having the scenic artist touch him
up.
TOO GOOD TO DE TRUE.
Signor Iam--Did you see how I par.
alyzed the audience in that death scene
BY George, they were crying all over tho
housel
Stage Manager r-Yes. They knew you
weren't really dead. i Chicago Tribune.
HINT TO FATHERS.
How pure and good 'twould make thd
world,
The millennium we soon would see
| If fathers would but be themselves
As good as they think their sons should
be.
RECIPE FOR STANDING POEMS.
"And so Jimpson read his poem to
you yesterday. How did you endure
itW
81 just fixed my glass eye on him and
went to sleep with the other"
HORRIBLE POSSIBILITY.
Ticks-Well, old man, you're looking
pretty blue; what's the matter
Wickles-Well, I've just asked old
Goldbags for his daughter
Ticks-And the old idiot said nol
Wickles-On the contrary he said yes
so quick that l am afraid he can't be
worth quarter as much as people think.
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