Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-02-28
Mr.. Diitz Courts His Wife.
From the Chicago Tribune.
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From the Chicago Tribune.
"Ill do it,
Polhemus Diltz laid down the paper be was
reading, put his nose glasses back in his pocket,
took his hat and overcost down from their hook
and started home.
"fH do il, he repeated to himself, as he
walked along. "I'u court my wife as if she we're
girl again, the way the fellow did in that news
paper story. Iexpect it II go pretty tough" he
reflected, throwing away his cigar and wIping
his mouth carefully as he approached his home.
I've been good deal of rhinocerous about
the house and it's hard thing to break of old
habits all at once, bu. III give it q trial if it
takes the hide off"
Mr.. Diltz entered the house and hung his hat
and overcoat in the hall instead of throwing
them down in a heap on the sofa in his usual
fashion. Then he went on tiptoe upstairs put
on his best necktie. combed mis- hair carefully
and came softly down the stairs again.
MARY janet! he called out. "Where are
you, dear?'
Out here" answered a voice in the kitchen.
Ibid you bring that package of chocolate
told you not to forget when you went down
town this morning.
"why, no. said Mr.. Diltz, regretfully, as he
went into the kitchen. Il forgot dear
Mrs. Diltz looked at him suspiciously. He
hadn't called her dear for eleven wears.
You forgot it? Humphl L just expected it.
What are you up to now!'
1uis query, somewhat Sharply uttered, was
prompted by an unexpected forward movement
on the part of Mr.. Diltz,
Don't You see I'm cleaning this chicken?''
she exclaimed. Look out! You'll make me
cut myself. I'm working at the gizzard. A
man has no business poking round in the
kitchen when he can't do any good"
Mr.: Diltz stepped back. He had intended to
kiss his wife, but concluded to postpone the
matter for little while.
MARY Jane" he said, my dear"
what are you all slicked up for, anyhow?
mo, love. Iexpect to spend the rest Of the
day at home. came an hour or two earlier.
| thinking"
Il wish you had brought that chocolate
| That's what wish"
| to go to work at gizzard. Let me"
Maybe you know more about this kind of
work than l do. Maybe / haven't cleaned
hundreds of chickens since I've been keeping
house. What are you shopping around out
here for, anyhow, with your hair ali plastered
! down and that smirk on your facei'
"My dearest Mary Jane, l.
"Polhemus, broke in his wife, laying down
the portion OF the fowls anatomy she had been
dlssecting, and looking at him keenly what
| Oh earth Is the object of this palavering? What
new dodge are you trying to work now"
why, Mary Jane, I've made up my mind to
try to get along with you in DIFF
ITO get along with me? What do you mean?
10 you tell me i m hard to get along WITH"
Not at all, Mary Jane; not at all. 1 was only
going to say that we might live together more
comfortably, you know, if-er-if we d quit this
quarreling and be sociable, you know, as we
used to be. There's no need of us acting like
| cats and dogs"
who says We act like cats and dogs? Look
here. Polhemus, you've been drinking"
''It's a blamed now, Mary Jane, don't YOU
give way to that temper of yours"
who started this fuss?"
''You did"
81 didn't. You did yourself"
81 didn't.
''You did"
'You know BETTER
''Tell your wife she lies do You? Well it
isn't the first time. II you have any business
to attend TO at your Office there will be plenty
| Of time for you to do it before supper. I'll get
along don't need any help on this chicken. /"
'Diddiedy dad-swing the dag-gone old hen =,
shouted Mr.. Diltz, beside himself with rage.
''Dad-swiZzle its gol-dinged old carcass!'
He went out of the kitchen. slamming the
door behind him. and in less than quarter Of
minute later he was on his way back to his
| Office. muttering excitedly to himself and
crushing the inotfensive sidewalk hard beneath
his vindictive heel as he strobe along.
Mr.. Diltz has not entirely given up the idea
| of counting his wife, but he has registered Q
| cast iron vow never to undertake the job again
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