Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-08-27
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Rates Invariable-From Bad to
Worse-Cause of Her Pride-He
Took the Hint, ETC., Etc.
RATES INyARIABLE.

RATES INvARIABLE.
"Would you marry for money!"
81 take nothing else" replied the min
ister.-[ Epoch.
FROM BAD TO WORSE.
Ethei-What do you think of Joblot's
engagement to Miss Sears?
Jack-He might do worse.
Ethel-He will-he is going to marry
her.
CAUSE OF HER PRIDE.
Arabella-Why is Miss Passee so
proud?
Isabella-Well, there are two hundred
million engagement rings in the world,
and she has one of them Jewellers
Circular
lie TOOK THE HINT.
Jack (strolling home from the evening
vices)-There used to be law in New
England prohibiting kissing on Sunday.
Maude (coyly)-Well, it isn't in force
now, is it, Puck.
NEW USE FOR THE EMBLEM.
"Hullo! where is your engagement
ring? Is your engagement with Harold
OFF,
ooh, no, indeed! He took me out to
get some ice cream last night, and we
had to leave the ring as security for the
cream. Harold didn't have q cent. >
Harper's Bazaar.
TOO PLAToNIC
"What do you think of Miss Dymple?"
asked Whyte.
"Oh," said Smythe, "she's good girl
in her way, but when she's flirting with
you you would never know it unless she
told you. - Somerville Journal.
GOT HIS VACATION.
Mr.. Bullion-By the way, Mr.. Book
keep, you asked for va
Mr.. Bookkeep-Oh, Mr.. Bullion, did
not think really you would allow me a
vacation during this busy season.
Mr.. Bullion-cation. Well you may
take off two
Mr. Bookkeep-Thank you, Mr..
Bullion.
Mr. Bullion-Weeks, and then stay
u"u1 uito5Cthtis lothtitlo SliSuiui'
SCHEME THAT MIscARR1ED.
If he hadn't been fond of good living,
they say
He might have in singleness tarried,
But he wanted well prepared dinner
each day
And cook he made love to and mar
ried.
But he made u mistake when the maiden
he took,
If for good cook he was looking;
She declares that she didn't get married
to cook,
But to have some one else do her cook
ing.
T New York Press.
WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF EACH OTHER.
"Jones is a good enough fellow, but he
has wonderful faculty for making him
self ridiculous"
'Now that's very curious"
Curious is it?'
81 mean you saying that. Jones said
precisely the same thing about you yes
terday. ."-[ New York Press.
ROMANCE THAT MAY END IN TRAGEDY.
"The living skeleton has fallen in love
with the female Samson and is paying
attention to her"
Gracious! That may result in a
tragedy"
"How?"
Suppose she shakes him?"- New
York Press.
| OVERHEARD AT THE BRANCH.
"Ah," said Chappie, gleefully, "this
sea air makes me feel as fresh as a
daisy"
care you sure you weren't born so,
Mr. Hapkins?" asked the Summer Girl,
who was beginning to long for a change.
Il New York Herald.
ENCOURAGING HER.
"Don't you think my beau very hand
some?"
81 do, dear. And congratulate you, 4"
"Ah! there's many slip, you know,
and | sometimes fear that somebody will
take him away from me-"
Don't trouble yourself about that,
dear. The homely men always get the
handsome women, you know, and the
rule works the same the other way. -
| New York Press.
INDIFFERENCE.
"Can you trace your family back II
| dozen generations
Il could if desired, but | don't want
to-"
"Why?"
81 might be ashamed of myself if
did.-[Truth.
INSPIRING.
"That composition of yours is trnly
Wagnerian. Where did you get the
idea?"
"My boy exploded a giant cracker
and pack of ordinary crackers in my
upright piano last Fourth of July
Epoch.
A GOOD FELLOW.
"You know Bill Savery, don't you?"
"Yes, know him."
Good fellow, isn't he?''
Maybe so, but there is more fellow
than there is good about him.-LTexas
Sittings.
THEN JOHNNY WAS SPANKED.
"What did that lady have the screen
across one end of the room for, mar
asked little Johnny, who had been max
ing Il call with his mother.
Il suppose she had something there
she didn't want seen" replied his
mother.
Al ~