The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1891-06-28
ENGLISH And
SCOTTISH INNS
The Comfort That Travellers Enjoy at
Many Of These Places.
Alarming EHusiveness of Your Welcome at
One Of Them Those Who Look for Tips.
Trying to Find Room in the Dark.
EIecial 10 THE SUNDAY CALL

LONDON, June Is, 1S91.-There are two
classes Of inns in England and Scotland in
which The guests find comfort. One class
comprises the great hotels of such cities as
London, Liverpool. Glasgow and Edinburgh.
which have become comfortable, during the
past quarter of a century, IN proportion to
their adoption Of American hotel manners
and improvements. The other class Is tile
humble and simple hotels of remote viii
lagos, Of almost unknown dales and glens,
of bonnie old Scotch clachans and of rose
EMPOWERED English hamle.s where one
thanks God. II ne have come by design OF
accident, for the tender repose and blest rest
to be found among them.
There is another class. Its inns are the
bOstels the average traveller, commercial or
uneommercial, is compelled to patronzp, and
which lie in wait for the doomed tourist
from Lands End to John o Gr0ats. They
are simply places where one for necessary
period resigns himself TO captivity, suryeIl-
lance ana eXtOgtJn The unfei5ned and
tremendous surprise and indignation pVinced
at protest against either are elements OF
humor iu the situation, If those may exist
where there seems only opportunity Tor
downright despair
The etfusivcness Of your welcome at one
you have cause for alarm, for with
QUeen's warrant yOu could not fad
shred of that gaumy, greasy. gaseous wei
come. From dozen u score OF grin
ming, jumping, Nriggling, v'cifrrous b.
ings ETah and gasp aud guTgle al you un-
Ill you are inside the door and outside the
law, and your belongings have been
wrenChed from you, and yourself left as
lone AS IN silence between the stars. Then
il YOU ind them or nybOdY that without
ransom Will acknowledge 10 having ever
before seen them or You in that blessed inn,
you possess genius aud great brave aud
patient soul.
If you nave come to the inn by carriage
and been muicted by the station pOrters for
bringing your baggage to the door, by other
pOrterS who grab it and carry it some other
lace by O.heT pOTteTS who now seize 1t and
deposit it near your carriage, and by still
other pOTteTs who assist the Scoynful coach
man 30 getting things to rights and under
way; or II you have walked and carried
p0r,manteau 0r two, and been haunted and
tainted by street porJers and urchins for
your uiggaIdness and efforts TO destroy the
customs Of The country; you vii. hnd them
o all there, these Shiny, Slippery, human
teRtaCles Of the concrete BTltiSI inn devil
fish, SEPARATE and distinct notifications of
the hfe-bood saDpngs YOU VIII be called
upon IN spirit aud pocket to endure.
There Is the landlord, rlotOuS IN ObSe-
quIuusness; The laud,ady, beamlng with
smiles. but measuring your capacity for
imposition with uuerTiug accuracy: the
. head waiter, superior foreign being, Us
uaIy "a foreign sdyentureT IN full dress,
who performs all offices with scOTn,
nut now standing there with bland peg
visibility ia his face for your coming trial,
the porter aHu tile second porter, who
grin at Won this once TO ever after grind,
'bOot,,' that s0dden, gTimmy slave who
never sleeps aad who Is ever at war with
all other souls within the place; but
tou-," IN uniform as to clothing, but in
lermanent gloom as to face, save when
you arrive and he lights up with j0y az the
misery he alone can cause you. i half
dozen OdOUus stabl-men, who each watch
o their chance % leeT and pull their fOTelOcks
at YOU 10 effort to establish secret Tec0g-
ulten OF what you may expect II you
d. not pacate them: the b8rmaid, who
knows, YOU know, chat t is she alone who
supplies the awful v0lumin0usness and
minutelPss Of that inevitable BILL and who
Eiggles ami gyrates as she sees your own
= Wrlihing recognition Of what Is 10 come;
and a number of muscular women called
chambprmaids, who IN a Jrice have settled
the manner in which you shall be racked
and wrecked within tile precincts Of the
dark, clumny den 10 which you are
CERTAIN TO BE CONSIGNED.
In a moment the cold realism Of your sit
u2ui0n has come. You are inside a low,
dark narrow hall and alone. At one side is
can raj way station newsstand, vi ich is
shut out from sight whenever the barmaid
wishes. 20 yawn, the landlady desires to
abnse her BUniface, or your own ObjuTga-
tons become too numerous aud decisive.
Opposite Is the "COffee-TOOm," long, low,
cherries place, with a long, low, cheerleSs
tahl". spread with a cloth ever decorated
with misplaced matter. If yOu have
the good fortune to finally get any
thing TO eat In the place, you will have
~HrN-#. 81 y sic
sesslng one sofa, drunken guest snoring
upon another, crowd of drOyeTs, Of poll
texans or OF the cOustabulary or military
iggItg ale or stout beside you, and the
whole room as blue as a channel fog with
. the smoke Of tobacco. Directly YOU are in
the pri5 mike hall. The b. al waiter is
gone; the porter has grabbed your luggage
and disappeared; "DOOts" aud buttons"
have vanished; landlord. andlady and
barmaid have been swallowed uD in the
lnconcelyable somewhere behind the
bar; staOlemeu aud chamheTmaidS are
whisked into Undiscoverable retreats.
Great, gloomy doors, black, moldy walls
hard, foTbIdding ceilings, alone confront
you. You bang your knuckles against the
Oar-wind0w. Landlord laudady or bar
maid by and by appears. giving you a
took Of panied surprise, and then disappears.
You cali, Porter p'-"BOOtS I'-"ButtOnsP
-"ChambermaidP There is not even re-
proving glance now in answer. You call
and bang some more. This time echo along
repTOYeS you. Cropping about the place YOU
snatch at bell-cOrd big as your wrist, with
tasSel as big as your head. This you tue
at very violently. The claug and Clamor of
the bell, which you cannot locate, Fl / the
whole place. The baT-windOw comes up
with slam, goes down with slam, and
an exp esSiOn OF disgust and dlsmay Is caught
csc ping between the slams. Tnen, peer
ing up from dark stairways, and peering
out OF quickly opened DOORS are seen
faces full OF grave surprise; you hear all
about your EXPLANATIONS of disgust and dis
may, and sn another instant all these faces
are gene, and you are again alone. Then
you tax out loud 10 yourself for while, in
rHde American words.
Strengthened you return to the big bell
cord. You jerk and jerk at that. You iud
o other beil-cpTds and Jerk at them. Nearly
ali Of them ring bells, bells Of such awful
size and sound, and, in instances. such start
= ling nearneSs that you are scared at your
own dire work and are rather relieved that
nobody appears TO avenge your calamitous
proceedings. For a time you exist ia the
caZed, dark. silent spell that has come upon
you, but finally you cannot bear your isUla-
ton longer. You determine On inYestiga-
tiOn at the risk Of your actions being mis-
construed, and yourself arrested and flung
Into a British bastile. Even there you re-
feet. would at least exist amotive for your
being looked after by somebody. You try
all the doors and windows of the bar, soft Y
at first but gradually to an earnest aud bur
glariOus degree. Then you try all the dark
hall doors from which peered faces full of
surprise at your ObstrepeIOusnesS THESE
are locked, or open only upon Tepelling
gloom.
Determined to secure relief, you timidly
seek the "CUtfee-TOOm' human various"
. Every body there is snoring. Then you at
tempt to descend stairs which you think
must lead to where the servants ought to
be. After you crash against sharp angles
and fail in unexpected turns this attempt IS
abandoned. In desperate hope and courage
you begin scaling the ascents to upper mys-