The Critic and record., 1891-04-20
CRITIC ABROAD.
'Tis tho voice OF the slucglrd;
I hcar him complain,
"iou have called me too soon,
Let me slumber again.

AO~lllOIIDM morning. I We IR1l lIlllH
two mornings this week and itll pay me
to hire you. Just ring the duor-bell and
wait till you hear me rap ON the window
upstairs. Nou know where ] live. is 10
go2"
"Yes; all right"
The foregoing conversation was over
heard by the Critic on Water street near
the fish wharf last Saturday evening
The first speaker-the man who wanted
10 have somebody unlock the arms of
Morpheus for him i'm the front end of the
morning-was the driver of an ice-wagon.
The individual whom he engaged to per-
form the operation was a private watch
man.
YES said the latter, ~ do quite
business in the early-waking line Peo-
pie whose business calls them up before
anybody else in the house Is stirring often
find my services very necessary. My en-
gagements begin to increase at this season
of the year. lce-wagon drivers and other
workers along the wharves are added 10
the early-rising brigade in warm weather,
and barkeepers and grOcers especially,
have To meet them more than half way.
My earliest riser is clerk in a commits
sion house up town and ! have to call
him at $3.50. Easy? Well, If you had to
ringup n half dozen heavy sleepers in
your neighborhood at about one and the
same time, you might think il was easy
get twenty-five cents a week from each of
my customers and earn my money, ! can
tell you. No; they don't often complain
that ] have neglected my duty, but now
and then some early riser who went TO
bed late turns over for a cat.nap after my
call and forgets. that / called him. It's
| not the most pleasant way of making
money in the world, but it beats nothing,
and Pm here TO get what ! can get, If
can't get what want"
The following wierd, uncanny tale was
blown across the river from the ancient
city Of Alexandria into THE CRITIC office
during last Saturdays rain Storm As
the colored Odd-Fellows' procession was
| passing down King street in that city last
| Tuesday, so IL runs, an original black
snake of Ole Vuginny of conventional
| proportions-say about ten feet i'm length
| spread himself across the line of march
| and prepared to dispute the right of way.
! But q number twelve brogan, fitted to the
| hoof of loose-jointed Fairfax granger
| Of color, whose enthusiasm had carried
| him temporarily into the van of the pro.
cession, hovered in the atmosphere mo-
ment and then came down with the kind
of thud you have read about, and the
| procession moved ON over his snakeship's
mangled remains.
A iakir with long iron-gray hair aud
dressed in Wild West garb, located him.
self at the corner of Tenth and streets
northwest this morning and attracted a
big crowd of farmers by an eloquent and
terrorizing Grafton regarding the awful
consequence resulting from the grip. OF
course he had the only and all.suflicient
cure for the m&ady and, not necessarily
for publication, but as an evidence of his
all-pervading love OF humanity, offered a
few gratis doses to the afflicted. A cOlored
citizen, who said he was II grip sufferer,
submitted himself to the tender mercies
of the man of gall, and was given
| whisky glass full of an uncanny looking
deCoction. Two seconds after drinking
the dose his face took on an expression Of
unreliable agony; and cultural groan
heavy enough to sink an ocean steamer
escaped his lips, as he yelled:
Gimme water gimme some water,
| quick 20
A young medical student, who hap
pened to be standing by asked for dose
and found that the stuff was nothing
more than vinegar and water with gem
erous modicum of red pepper to make its
calling and election sure. His announce
ment to that effect subjected the long
haired fakir to the discomforts of a small
sized New Orleans uprising, and when
last seen the glossy back of his thread
bare coat-tails was mingled with the
vernal green of bud and leaf amidst the
shrubbery Of the Smithsonian park.
Stonemasons are building a ring about
the new Lafayette statue, notwthstand-
ing the pedestal and base are square. Can
we never have anything in this land of
ours without the suggestion of ring
in il?
Tho uitn Of tho ,,au, stoIua 10 n ,,oo1 QUO
But why should not the statue Of Jackson
be removed? Why isn't Old Hickory en-
titled TO circle, or square, or triangle
called by his name? Now he and his
war-horse stand on a Cheap.looking
pedestal. Why not let him view his rear
ing charger on a polished mass of Ten
nessee granite Why not place him in
Iowa Circle and call that Jackson Circle (?
Why not, indeed, if Senator Harris only
will not object. His strenuous fight caused
the site of the Lafayette statue to be
changed from the middle of the south
side of the little park to the southeast
corner, AS matters stand statues will
have to be placed AZ each of the other
corners to balance things. There is now
a painful suggestion of lopsdedness about
the square.
When new house in course of con-
struchon reaches the topping OFF, point,
ii is customary to treat the bricklayers
and the hod-carriers. The other day
Contractor Patrick Bresnahan completed
a row Of houses in East Washington and
sent two kegs of beer to the workmen,
one for the bricklayers and the other for
the hod.carriers. 1t happened that only
one hodcarrier, colored man, was on
duty at the time. lie claimed the keg
and got il. 1t was book beer, as black as
strong coffee. The colored brother tapped
his prize and proceeded to have fun with
himself.
At the end of two hours Mr.. Bresna-
han called at the buildings. He found
the hOd'carrier drawing the last bucket
Of beer from the keg, and remarked:
"Why, jim, ] am sorry you did not
have SOME one here TO share the beer with
you.'
"Yo needn' waste yo' symperthy, Mr.
Bresnahan; ! don need no company.
done drink de hull kaig by myself"
Mercy" said the contractor that will
kill You, or give you the jimiams,"
This made Jim open his big mouth, He
laughed heartily rs he rerlicH:
,Ho, boss, yo' 'stonish me; What's u
kaig OF beer 'mongst one man ~
"There goes the living ground for my
belief that the old Yankee stock will be
eventually obliterated in this country
was the arting statement of the Curb
stone Philosopher, as he gave his back q
tirmer brace against pillar of WillaM'S
front stoop. Without waiting for aston
ishment TO find expression in words, hC
continued:
you see those two girls who Just
passed. They are both handsome, but in
different ways The semi-blOndG is eyi
IDENTIFY of German extraction and VDu