Iron County register., 1891-04-02
A PARADISE FOR M'klNLEY.
Discovery of q Suitable Retreat for the
Napoleo0 of Protection.

hluICy was Oc1GdJcu Ill ouIO AdfS
been looking round for residence fol
him. At last have found it. l have
taken house for the major and the
sooner he packs up his trunks and gets
out of Ohio the quicker he can enter
into the enjoyment of this terrestrial
paradise. The house / have selected
for the major is in Ponte Tresa. Ponte,
my dear major, means bridge, and the
Tresa is small river which issues
from Lake Lugano and runs to Lake
Maggiore. When the major comes to
live here he will find this a truism in
Europe-that the more unenlightened a
country is the higher are its protective
duties. / have picked out a house for
the major on the Italian side of the
bridge, because in Italy, that down
trodden, tax-ridden monarchy, the pro-
tective duties are much higher than
just across the bridge in Switzerland,
which is an enlightened little republic.
When the ajor looks out of his win
dow he will see one of the prettiest blue
lakes in the world; and before him will
rise the high mountains that border
Lake Lugano both in Italy and in
Switzerland.
The steamer leaves Ponte Tresa for
the other end of the lake two or three
times day, and as fares are reasona-
bly, cheap I expect that the major will
spend a good deal of his time on board
the little steamers of Lake Lugano.
After his first trip to the other end of
the lake the major will understand why
1 call this spot a Mckinley paradise.
The steamer starts from the Swiss side
of Ponte Tresa. It goes for perhaps
thirty rods and then draws up at the
wharf on the Italian side. The moment
the steamer crosses the imaginary line
between Switzerland and Italy the two
Italian custom house officers who are on
the boat come forward. Everything is
opened and examined, and there are
placards up on the steamer saying in
four languages that if you have any to-
bacco or cigarettes YOU must declare
them on entering Italy, no matter how
small a quantity you have.
While we were sitting in the boat,
waiting for it to start, on the Swiss
side of the bridge, had the pleasure
of making the acquaintance of manu-
facturer from Pennsylvania. He was
staying at town on Lake Maggiore
and had come over for the day to look
at Lake Lugano and take a trip from one
end to the other We got to talking about
protection, of course, and he told me
that everything he had he owed to pro-
lection. He believed that protection
had been the making of America, and
the reason he was able to tour in
Switzerland and in Italy was because
OF protection in America. | asked him
how many of his workmen were tour
ing in Europe at this time, but that, he
said, wasn't the point Just then the
boat started and the Italian custom Of
fcers came and made him open his va
lise. He hadn't much in it except a
supply of cigarettes, some guide books
and other necessary articles for days
trip. He opened his valise and they
spied the cigarettes at once. They said
the duty would be five francs.
''Great heavens" he cried, "they
didn't cost that much originally"
The Italians shrugged their shoulders
and said it would be five francs.
Come said to the Pennsylvania,
''stand up for your principles; pay for
your cigarettes" and he paid.
The next stop the boat makes is on
the Swiss side AS soon as we crossed
the line, two Swiss officers, in a differ
ent sort of uniform, wanted the Penn
sylvanian to open his valise. He did SO
and they looked through it rather cas-
ually. They said nothing about the
cigarettes, because cigarettes are very
cheap in Switzerland, almost as cheap
as they are in America, on account of
the small duty there is upon them.
THANK goodness" said the Pennsyl-
vanian, ''this is over"
''You oughtn't to growl about a thing
protectionism; still, wouldn't be too
were you"
"Well,' he said, ''as both the Italians
and Swiss have gone through my valise,
1 don't see what more is to be done"
''You wait,'' said. 1 had been there
before.
The next stop was on the Italian
bank and when we crossed the line the
Italian custom house officers came up
smiling and asked to see what was in
the valise.
''Great heavens!" cried the American,
81 have just showed you"
''Ah, true" said the Italians, shrug-
ging their shoulders, ''but since that
time we have been in Switzerland; now
we are entering Italy again. 1t will be
five francs, they said, ''for the cigar
cites"
Then the Pennsylvania lost his tenn
per. There is no use in doing that in a
foreign country where you don't un-
derstand the language very well. They
don't understand your profanity, and
you are not versed in theirs, and SO you
are under disadvantage He refused
to pay. Then they said they would
have to seize them, baggage and all.
He paid very gloomily. After touching
at Italy we once more struck over
to Switzerland, and the Swiss Gus
tom house officers were then in the
ring The Pennsylvania came up
rather groggy and opened his valise.
They smiled, chaiked the portmanteau
and let it pass.
''Where is our next stop?" he asked.
''In Italy" was the answer.
The moment the steamer headed for
the Italian shore he saw the Ita IAN
custom house officers again getting
ready to descend on him. He opened
his valise, picked one of his boxes of
and flung them into Lake
Lugano.
The custom house officers held con-
sultation. If those cigarettes had been
thrown on the Italian side he would
have had to pay his francs again, but
as the captain of the steamer decided
they were still in Swiss waters he saved
five francs. The Pennsylvania got