Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-10
WHITE House, Nov. 20. 1891

got my eye on harrison ne IS llaDie TO
| make some bad break that is liable to
shipwreck our second term l will give
you a few Illustrations of how 1.-THE man
| from Texas" has to watch the man from
Indiana" to prevent the latter from in
serting both feet in his mouth when he
opens it,
The day after the election in Qlay-
sylvsnis happened 10 come suddenly
into Harrison's boudolr. He was writing
! q letter AS soon as entered he covered
| it up with plotting pad.
MIR. President" said l, do you ex-
pect me to break up the solid south in
1892? Do you want ne TO meet Cleve-
| land and other democratic sors of thun
| der on the stump? Am to induce VIC
! tory TO perch on our banner in 1892 In
a word, am l in it. or am l notr
Harrison replied that he expected ne
10 do those very things, and that | was
very much in 1t.
Then " ant to see that letter"
Il sm congrstulating Senator Quay on
the victory in Pennsylvania, said Harris
son, looking sheepish.
"Oh, you are. eh7 When You get
through with that, congratulate Boss
Dudley OF blocks of FIVE" fame and if
you have any political bosses who are
already in jtil congratulate them, too"
and taking the letter, l tore it up and and
| dropped il in the waste basket.
What is t1isf" l asked, picking up q
cartoon in pen and ink.
That is one of Russ hsppiest
thoughts. L. represents Blaine as dy-
| ing man. aud will make his family sauirm.
Russ is going to put 1t in his illustrated
paper, and simultaneously publish a
| death notice With skull and cross bones.
Russ is getting wittier every day." said
Harrison. chuckling with ghoulish glee.
The cartoon represented an open,
yswning. grave. Russ himself was pic,
tured as the grave digger. leaning on his
shovel. and looking like the fool he is.
Blaine had one leg in the grave. and
| looked as If he was in poor health. His
family was standing around weeping and
wringing their hands. President Hsrri-
sou was repre- sented as a rooster on tie
| graveyard fence, clapping his wings and
| Growing.
| eyes, this is very funny. The satire
is so delicate and in such excellent taste,
l remarked, tearing it up, and fling it
away in the waste basket. "a few more
cartoons like that will land Blaine in the
White House Now, Mr.. President, let
me explain the situation. / shall use
simple language, and endesvor. if posi-
lie, to bring the subj ct within the range
of your comprehension.
I'm the first place. you and your man
Pat Egan have got US in very deep hole
in Chill. The only man who can pull US
out Is Blaine, 30 you want to hope and
pray thst Bls ne will not have q RELAPSE
until this Chill business Is settled"
That's q fact. l hadn't thought Of
that. I'll tell Russ to let up on Blaine
until We don't need him ANY more. had
forgotten all about this Chill business,
SAID Harrison.
Even after you have utilized Blaine
as cats paw to pull the South Ameri-
can chestnuts out of the fire, would
treat him kindly. Do not permit Russ
to use his tremendous and utterly incom
pIehensible gift of satire against the sec
rotary of state. Russ is too severe.
His wit is so cutting that Blaine may be
driven TO insanity, or perhaps seek ref
uge from Russ shafts in suicide, and
tnen we will be in the consomme. We
must take good care of Blaine. On this
presidential fishing trip it will not do to
push him overheard as long as
he has eli the oait IN his pocket. Be-
sides. there is another reason why Russ
should not prod the life out of Blaine
with the long lsrce of ridicule and bis
trenchant blaze of sarcasm.
Once more HARRISON thanked me with
tears in his eyes.
II is going TO be very late in the after
noon of the Nineteenth century when we
hear the last about that barrel of whisky
Carnegie sent the president. If l had
been in Washington when that barrel ar.
rived, would have managed things sc
that the Anne rican public would never
have suspected that the demure hoosiei
president is addicted 10 soothing II
flanges of his bronchial tubes with whs'
total abstainers call liquid dsmnstion'
whenever he il laboripg under a sense Of
encouragement. The average prohibi
ZIONIST is so red hot that if you touch hiu
he sizes. We receive scores of intern
perate letters from temperance people
A clergyman writes to the president:
Instead OF being the home of q
christian presi1en,, the White house ha
be come the shrine of Baccbus. l at
tribute your sad DOWNFALL to the presenc,
of Col Bill snort, of Texas. Even th'
angels and saints could not associate will
that vicious ard depraved ex confederat,
guerrilla and not become contaminated
Wine is moe xer, etc.
wrote few lines in reply to the gen
tleman, stating that there was no doub
bis slanderous soul was imbuei with III
electric fires OF perdi,ion. added tina
. while did lot have the honor Of hi
personal acquaintance. was satisfied b
bad the record of convict and tn
breath Of b1zzard. he being poor