The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-09-03
A Schaming Wife.

"Waal, John, before you marry
I'd advise you to be sure your vic
amt schemer."
"Whnt do you mean, Uncle Josh?
What would my intended wife scheme
for? Not my wealth, surely"
ooh, that amt what mean. L
/ mean schemin' like your Aunt
Sally"
Uncle Josh heaved a deep sigh and
glanced furtively at the door, as ii
in fear of being overheard.
snow, Uncle Josh, you do not
mean to say marriage has been Il
failure for you, do you?" said John
mischievously.
"Shl not so loud. | would not have
Sally think l was any ways migrate
full for her efforts, and she surely
makes enough of 'em, but am awful
tired of her schemes. First, she must
keep bees, | did not want 'em butsh
schemed till she got 'em. After she
had 'em | tried to show her q little
about managing them, but l had not
seen bee since was n boy, and was
unable to 90 into society a month
alter the event.
"But you still keep bees, / see."
"Iass, and your Aunt Sally takes
care OF EN-. | never go next or
nigh EN-" says Uncle Josh, emphat-
! icaly.
"Waal, next she takes to poultry.
She near breaks me up buying fancy
breeds; but | did not mind that so
much as the incubator. Some cuss-
Mr.. Edison, | think-invented that
machine, and it's calculated to rob q
hen oil all the joys OF maternity"
" Did the incubator cause you much
discomfort, Uncle Josh?'
"Did it? Sometimes of winter
night, that woman would be out of
bed as high as six times tendin' her
blamed chicken machine"
Il thought you slept so soundly
you would not mind that" said
John.
81 was generally unconscious when
she got out of bed, but ughl can
yet eel her feet when she came
| back
wv as her venture successful"
In q measure, my boy, in meas
ure. got spinal mena-spinal
something, | forget what, caused by
sudden chills. What was that noise,
,Iohn?' whispered Uncle Josh, nerv-
Ously.
"a cat, Think replied John.
do you notice how my clothes
ftp continued Uncle Josh.
81 don't see anything particularly
wrong with them"
"But they feel; John, ard / don't
dare say word about them, not if
my shirts choke me. Sometimes my
pants just reach my boot tops, then
ag'in they trail in the dust"
Fashions change, maybe" said
John. "But why do you hesitate to
tell Aunt Sally how you like them?'
THAT woman gotup the 6urndest
scheme and took the whole family
into it. What was that? I'm sure | |
heard some one"
REST easy, Uncle osh and tell me
of this infamous scheme.
"Waal, that woman came to me
one day smlin' as n basket of chips,
and says she, Josh, | sold some I
chickens and bought you a splendid .
suit OF clothes and shirts to go with
them, and she unfolds the duds.
Them shirts was all glistenng and
the clothes plentilully decorated with
store tags. and | was that innocent
i took it as q matter of course.
lIhey fit me beauti. ully, and | amt
had any to fit me since. After had
worn them n month and frequently
explained to the women folks where
IN store clothes were superiorto home
made, they holds mass meetingand
tells me how Sally made them
ehothes herself, and Simpllins down
TO the store furnished the tag deco
rations while the steam laundry aid
ed her in the deceit about the shirts.
sally had made n confident of all the
nelghbor women and the hired man.
Almost verybodv knew | was bein'
hum plugged. Do you know what
her latest scheme is, John?"
No; what is it, Uncle?"
Writing Tor the press and making
me an object of ridicule before the }
world"
"How should that make YOU an
object OF ridicule. Uncle Josh?''
you see for each article she writes '
she takes one of my little peculiari- t
ties for her subject, and although
she never mentions my name, vet | I
am readily recognized about here.
Now, if Sally was a loving wife she c
would not do that. She saws if /
keep showing new phases of charac-
ter, she won't have time to make nv
clothes as she will be so busy writ :
ing me up"
An audible smoker interrupted I'm
Gle Josh's tale
another scheme of Sally's,'' said g
he as he slid through the window y
md disappeared in the direction of :,
1he barn in time to evade Sally and q
5he girls who had been lending n !
ear through the key a
lole r
-zp. c--e- .