Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-01-21
'Twere Better Thus.

Why do you call In cruel, pray.
And plead in accents full of woef
truly meant when I said nay
The hand you held should never stray
Where heart could never 60.
You pity me! And. prythee, whyf
Do remotest sorrow showf
drop no tsars, nor do l Sigh
Because my hand shall never lie
Where heart could never 20.
Nay. keep that costly jeweled band,
Twill fit another one you know.
Ireally cannot understand
Why any maid need place her band
Where heart could never 60.
No bitter words. Let us be friends;
'Twere beJter if we parted So
Love its sweet blessing ever sends
To maid who never hand extends
Where heart could never 60.
IF women grew boards and had to be shaved
the tables would be turned. They would talk
the BARRIERS to death.
WHY will Governor Pattison at the end of
his present term resemble good old English
beverage? Because he'll be double-ex.
LIFE looks dark to the man anicted with
Bright's disease.
NEW WORKERS who kick on the L road con.
slider Jay Gould a highway robber.
DON'T ignore your poor relatives. If you
need sympathy they will give it you, while rich
relatives will only give you pity.
WHEN play runs well the players never
have to walk.
THE Governor of N ebraska has not yet re-
minded the Governor of Nebraska that it's q
long time between drinks.
A Little Joker.
felt rather rough when shecalled me mum,
Twas joke, but didn't guess it
Until she made plain that while muffs retain
A girls tiny hand they don't press it
WHY is the street fruit dealer like thsatri-
cal managerf Because he has to secure dates.
SARAH BERNHARDT says she will make
million in America We suppose she will as
the woods are full of simple giliies."
THE festive gambler is now trying TO win over
the Indians who have washed of their war
paint and torn up their ghost shirts. If Gen.
eral Miles would allow them to stake their good
SOME men who are on their last legs stand
well socially.
AN advertisement in New York paper
reads: "A womanly woman wants to wed a
manly man." Women of this stamp generally
get husbands on the quiet.
WHEN the police magistrate sizes up the
prisoner he can aptly be regarded a. fine look
ing.
THE discreet man will never be buneoed.
THE affairs of the State will be conducted on
strictly business principles for the next few
years at least.
WHY is Texas steer like some society bellesf
because it is not marketable until well dressed.
THE Governors Cabinet, as announced az.
clusively in THE DISPATCH Just after his
election. stands in spite of the envious sneers
of the scooped.
MORTGAGES always grow in interest daily.
You cannot ring married belle, but you can
and should shake her.
Yesterdays House Proceedings.
Mr.. Kerr called Mills traitor.
In voice both loud and clear;
Then the Texas legislator
Acted like Texas steer.
WHY is the drunkard like happy mani Be-
cause he's in high spirits.
THE Indians who have surrendered their
guns will now proceed to load themselves with
agency whisky.
TIE telephone has been placed In the lobby
of the State Capitol, but the statesmen win
collect the tolls.
TIE man who drives the draft horses draws
q salary.
THE hatchet has been buried BY the Demo-
cratic factions In New York but the handle
does not seem to be covered up.
THE Westinghouse break win not stop busi-
ness at all events.
TIE life of the elevator boy Is full Of ups and
downs. WILLIE WINKLE.