Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-11-12

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THE OLD STORY.
She asked as they parted at the door,
And he pressed kiss ON her beautiful
brow:
"Dear George, have you ever loved be-
before?'
And he answered, "Never-as | do
now."
"And YOU" he said as her lashes fell
And almost curtained her eyes deep
blue,
"Have you ever loved before? Pray
tell"
And she answered, "Never-as / love
you."-[ New York Press.
Bingo-How is the new girl getting on?
Mrs. Bingo-She's gone.
Bingo-Gone! Why, what's the
matter?
Mrs. Bingo-My dresses didn't fit her.
-[Cloak Review.
CAKE AND BROAD LANGUAGE.
Little Dot-Oh, l just love cake. It's
uNlul nlCt.
Mamma (reprovingly)-You should not
say you love cake; say like Do not
say awful say very Do not say
nice; say good And, by the way,
the word just should be omitted, also
the oh Now, my dear, repeat the SEN
tence correctly
Little Dot like cake; it's very
good.
Mamma-That's better.
Little Dot with an air of disgust
Sounds as if | was talkin bout bread
| Good News.
POINT FOR wHEELMEN.
Wheelman-I believe I'll give up
bicycling. am as careful as can be,
but every now and then some accident
happens. This is the second time I've
been arrested and fined for running into
people.
Businessman-Ill tell you how tc
manage. Just you get a job as bill
collector. Everybody IL dodge you
then.-[New York Weekly.
FIRST STEP IN LOVE.
Cora-Did you ever visit fortune,
teller?
Merritt-Yes, my dear. | went t.
Bradstreets s to find out about your faith
er's fortune.-[Epoch.
WITH MODERN IMPROVEMENTS.
Author believe in bringing my fic
tion up to date.
ublisher-Yes?
Author-Now in my Texas story
have for my hero u Government rail
maker. He has things arranged so that
when he and his girl elope, he bring,
ranch that every stream instantly rises Sc
high that the old man can't follow
them. -[Epoch.
AUTHORITIES ON AGES.
Professor Greatmind-Yes, sir, this
earth is 100, 100000 years old, not day
less.
Visitor wonderful!
Little girl (entering)-Oh, papa, see
my new doll.
Vstor-Your child. l presume, pro-
fessor. How old is she?
Prof. Greatmind d-Um-er-my dear,
go ask your mother how old you are.
TIT FOR TAT.
Snively-If / were to call you liar,
] should speak but the exact truth.
Snodgrass-But you always were
afraid to tell the truth.
ONCE ENOUGH.
Conductor (after a collision in which
everybody got bounced half way across
the car, but no one was hurt)-Gentle-
men, | find that no great harm has been
done. We ran into the rear end of u
freight train; and if some of you will
come out and help clear the track, we
can proceed on our journey.
Fat Passenger-Conductor are there
any more freight trains on ahead?
"On, suppose so"
"Well, let's stay where we are. ~ Good
News.
ETERNAL VIGILANCE.
Barclay" said the wife of the sick
man, "here is the Rev. Mr.. Goodman,
who has come to talk to you"
"Did he bring anybody to identify
him?" inquired the bank cashier, feebly,
i Chicago Tribune.
A BRIGHT REToRT.
1t is said of a certain literary woman
that she is never ut u loss for reply, and
never misses an opportunity to say a
bright thing.
One day friend was describing to her
noted artist, about whom her curiosity
had been greatly aroused, but whom she
had never seen.
"To begin with, remarked the friend,
"he has a perfect Niagara of fore
head!"
mean to tell me the poor man has cat
aract over both eyes?"- Youths Com
panion.
DOMESTIC HEALTH HINT.
Mr.. Oldchappe-Ho, no! And so you
are married and are keeping house and
have no girl. Well, l sympathize with
you.
Mr.. Youngchappe-I don't need sym
pathy.
Tell that to the bachelors. I'm a
married man. Your dear little wifey is
just out of boarding school, isn't she?"
"Yes."
"Ha, ha! l thought so. And you are
already suffering the agonies of dyspep-
sia, aren't your"
"Never was better in my life."
"Eh? What's that? And with G
young wife doing the cooking?"
"She doesn't. She makes me do it,
New York Weekly.