The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-31
BRIGHT BITS.

APPRENTIcE-Whatm made them call the first
watches horologesl
Watchmaker-Th first watches were so
blamed ugly that they gave people the horrors.
--JelCeLer'S Weekly.
81 SEE by the paper that at the performance
of your new play last night there were several
calls fo- the author"
That's mistake in the print 1t should read
authorities. '"-Puck.
Mr.. SUBURB chastity swallowing his breakfast
near train timel-Any news in the paper this
morning?
Mrs. Suburb-No, not single mark down sale
of any kind Good NetUs.
JoNEs-That's all nonsense about eating meal
being injurious to health. My ancestors for
hundreds of years ate meat
Vegetarian-Yes, aud where are they now?
Dead, amt they f-Te.pGS Settings.
I'm GOING HOME the lineman sang
In accents soft and measure slow,
As through the streets his footsteps rang,
I'm going home to dynamo
Brooklyn Eagle.
How oyou sell music'" asked prospective
customer.
1T depends on what kind you want to buv.n
replied the dealer. Organ music | sell by the
choir and piano music by the pound. -Hdrper's
Bazaar.
A SoMERv1LLE debating society has decided
not to discuss the question. (Which is the worse
to fall over in the dark, an old fashioned rock
ing chair or misplaced wheelbarrowy" NOBODY
could be got to take the other sde--SomerUille
Journal.
FIRST THEArER- was the play last
night?
Second Theater-goer enthusiastically
Grand, They had big tank of real water and
one of the supes got drowned. -NetU York
Weekly,
WHAT Office are you candidate fors'' in
quired the reporter, who was making his hasty
rounds of the polling places.
'Ale?" exc aimed the man leaning up against
the door-frame. Thunder / amt running for
anything. Twas born in this country.-Chfcago
Tribune.
HE-I didn't get your last letter.
she (poutingl-And sent you a kiss in it,
Hollow unbusiness-like you are! Don't you
know that letters containing valuaoles should
be registered?
He was allowed to kiss away the pout-
Hdrper's Bazaar.
FIRST THEATRICAL MANAGER-Stock compa-
MES make this mistake: They spend too much
money on costumes, and too little on the
actors
Second Theaerical Manager-W When, as a mat
ter of fact, if they didn't spend cent for cos
tunes they'd always have packed houses
Life.
IAwYrR-D o you live with your husband?
Witness-No, sir
Lawyer-Are you divorced?
Witpess-I don't know.
I.awyer-Eh? What's that? You don't know?
WItness-Certainly not. My husband never
takes me into his confidence NelC York
WeekiD.
PASSENGER Ito train boy)-You probably did
not know when you put this book in my lap
that was the author.
Train Boy-Did you write that book?
Passenger did.
Train Boy-Then you had better keep mighty
quiet about it. just sold copy to the man
back of you.-Life.
MISS SHoDDY-Please examine this work of
art, Mr.. Jones.
JOneS-Er-what is 1t?
1T is sunrise in the Adirondacks. 1t Is
painted by a friend of mine"
Jones examines it critically for some time
through his eyeglasses. and then asks:
"Er-what trade did l understand you to say
your friend was folowing?- TerdS SittingS.
ONE OF THE PowERs-You are accused of poker
playing.
Hastings-Y you see my friend and sat
down for quiet little game
o. P.-(growing interested) Yes.
Hastings-And he opened pot for 81
o. p. growing more interestedl-Yes,
Hastings-Well, I went in and drew five
cards
o. P. more and more interested(-Yes.
Hastings-I caught pair of deuoes; he bet 81,
and l called.
/ o. P.-on a pair of deuces!
HaStings-Yes.
O. P.-The accusation is withdrawn; that
wasn't ker.-HdrUGrd Ldmpoon.