Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

First Statcsman--"How Il the oiiicis
Investigation into those Doodle charges
coming on?'
second Statesman" Splendidly ,splen-
didly. We've succecied in not finding
out thing
NOT so SLOW.
New Yorker--Bccn over to Philadel-
phia, eh2 Philadelphia is a slow old
town.
Chicago Man Indignantly Not
much It amt. It's got city Treasurer
that stole bout milion.-[New York
Weekly.
born srAocERED.
"Thc consumption of intoxicating
liquor in this country staggers me-" ex-
claimed a temperance orator from the
platform.
"Me, too, gurgled man at the rear of
the hall trying 10 hold himself up by the
clustering. - Detroit Free Press.
woMAS's ISAUNASIry TO WOMAN.
Clara--I shouldn't think you'd hang
that ball dress of yours against the wall.
Maude--Why not?
Clara-Because its there enough when
you have il ON.
NOTICED 1T oUrER.
Visitor-The wind seems to shake
that scarecrow over there little. I've
noticed it CULVER two or three times.
Mr.. Suburb-That isn't scarecrow.
That's the hired man working for forty
dollars a month and board.-[Good
News,
NO CRUELTY IL SPEED.
Lady lat horse-race)-- Don't you
think II is cruel to race horses that way
this hot weather.
Horseman 'em how, mum?
Making them go so fast"
'Why, mum, the faster they go the
quicker they get through"
LOADED.
-Bumbly has moved out town,
hasn't he?
Wicks-No; what made you think so?
Hicks-Why, the boys were saying
that he went home loaded every night.
So supposed he must have moved out
of town. These suburbans, you know,
all make express wagons of themselves.
Wicks-Yes, but Bumbly only makes
a distillery of himself Boston Tran
script.
THE COMING GOULD.
Office Boy-Beg pardon, sir, but l was
awful sorry to see the way Mrs. Jinks
went fer you this mornin'. 1t was ham,
mer an tongues, wasn't it?
Mr.. Jinks -thood of the firm)-Great
snakes! Is ii all over town?
Office Boy-Oh, no, sir. No one knows
il but me.
Mr.. Jinks-Here's dollar to go to the
baseball game. Take day off and en-
Joy yourself, but not a word about me and
Mrs. j., you know.
Office Boy-All right, sir. You kin
trust me.
Under Clerk Ia few moments after)--
Say, Smikesy, how did you know there
was row in the old mans family this
morning?
Office Boy-By the way he was rippin'
an rarin' round at u.s. Good News.
MORE LIKE 1T.
Old Soaker-Iye got terrible crick
in my neck
Barkeeper watching the four fingers
disappear)-I lowed it was a river.
SPECIAL NEED OF PHOSPHORUS.
What! None of the roast, Bessie?"
'No, papa" replied the little Boston
two-year-old, thoughtfully. "A little
more fish instead, please. / am reading
Sir Edwin Arnold to-day."-[Chicago
Tribune.
A PROOF OF LOVE.
"She was so devotedly attached TO her
first husband that she would not permit
any one TO prepare his meals. She always
did that herself. He died of dyspepsia.
''Indeed?'
Eyes; but il is believed that she loves
the second husband better than her first"
"Why is it so believed?'
"Sho doesn't do any cooking at all
now"
CURE FOR VANITY.
Jinkers-That man is the most insuffer-
able lump of conceit that ever trod the
earth. wish he could be elected Presi-
dent of the United States.
Winkers-You do? Why?
Jinkers---Thc ncsxSnapers would make