Dodge City times., 1891-01-09
MISCELLANEOUS.

MISCELLANEOUS.
There arc eos .7s3 railroad bridges
In the United States spanning s.2ls
miles
"A CoatesvilIc. Pa, farmer raised q
pumpkin that is SO big he can not get il
into his cellar.
-Chatterton-"Don' you think 1t is
. shame tho way Impacune gets every
body 70 trust him?' Eohard-''To the
contrary. think it; greatly 10 his
creditr-Clothier and Furnisher.
"A Connecticut boJ is famous Just
now because he has tin whistle ono
and a half inches in diameter and sew
eral inches long in his stomach. He
swallowed the toy while playing on it
-Depositor = ''Is the cashier IMP.
President-"No; he has gone away"
Depositor-"Ah! Gone for rest, 1 pre-
sume." President SADLY - mo; to
avoid arrest"-N. Y. Weekly.
There are few such common-sense
proverbs as "every man is the architect
Of his own fortune" Appius Cladius. a
Roman censor, used it in q speech do.
livered by him $50 years before the
Christian era.
IL want to get insured" "What
kind. please--fire, old age. life?" mo;
you see am hotel-keeper. and 1 want
to be insured against people who 20 of,
leaving their bills unpaid?"-Fliegende
Blatter.
Wigger-"Did you know that Scrim.
per has gone on . vacation? He said he
needed change badly" Hsggard-"I
hope he will get all he wants Of it, and
not apply to me for any more."-Boston
Herald. sssS
Mrs. X. lat fancy ball)-"What a
magnificent costume Mrs. q has on!
wonder what it represents?" Mr.. X
(who knows the 2 family)-"It repro
ssnts housework, which you hire some
body else to DON. Y. Weekly.
"A Chance for Promotion.-OHice
Manager-''Johnny, if you don't got a
move on you I'll kick you through the
skylight" Office Boy-"Kiok away.
This is tho first chance to rise I've seen
since l came here. re."-Jeweler's Weekly.
First Sweet Girl-"Did you SEQ tho
skeleton dude at the museum Second
Sweet Girl-''Yes, saw him." First
Sweet Girl-"What did no look ike?"
Second Sweet Girl-''O, just like any
other dude" Good News.
Tho introduction OF the custom Of
blessing water before the principal
mass on Sunday and sprinkling tho peo-
pie with it is commonly attributed to
Pope St Leo ~. (s47-s55); but there
arc learned writers who trace 1t to far
more remote antiquity, and regard the
words Of that pontif as referring to an
existing custom.
Railroad statistics show that no ono
car on train is safer than another.
Sometimes tho last car is tho only ono
to drop through bridge, and again the
first coach climbs on top OF the baggage
car. Pay your fare, have faith, and
take your chances. OF the forty-two
mon hung last year mono were ever hurt
in railroad accident - Detroit Free
Press.
-''Sec here, thought you said this
horse you sold mo last week was fear
less OF locomotivesw "Well. ism: hep"
"No. When l was out riding yesterday
afternoon no began to cut up when he
saw locomotive approaching and tried
to dash right into it" 'Well, if horse
was afraid of a locomotive he wouldn't
want to run into it. would he? He'd try
to run away from it." - Norristown
Herald.
Green City Folks-Mrs. Hayseed-
eyes, had some city boarders durin'
tn summer, but I didn't interdooce 'em
around much cause saw thcy wasn't
fust-class folks what goes out of the
city every summer" Neighbor-'Oh.
They showed they'd never been in the
country before. did they?" Mrs Hay
sced-"Yes. indeed Why, the very
fust meal they ask for cream."-N. Y.
Weekly.
"A London periodical says: We aro
within measurable distance of tho time
when the United States. hitherto tee
haven of the landless. will cease to Of
fer what has been the great attraction
to tho newcomers. Only 80, 900. 900 of
population are needed. Mr.. Giffen cal
culates. to settle, from the agriculturist
point of view, tho whole of the United
States; and at tho present ratio all the
country practically worth occupying
will be under cultivation in twenty-five
years
Ruff Lester comes to the front with
the smartest dog named-one that can
count 1t has been tho custom with the
cook for the family to make old Wade
Chats the dogs name) catch the chick
in number-each day for the
table. The other day it was decided
that two chickens would be sufficient
for that day, and when the dog had
caught that number the cook took them
in. When she reached the kitchen
Wade was not far behind her with an
other fowl in his mouth, making tho
number that he had been accustomed to
catch each day. And 80 it is that Ruff
claims that his dog can count-Ogle-
thorpe (Ga.) Echo.