The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1891-09-26
TIE SUNDAY soLILoouisT.
Trials aud Tribulntions of "a Bald Headed
Man.


Trials aud Tribulntions of Bald Headed
Man.
"Wcll. by gum
"Thc ilen that either the Fat Man or
Dow- Legged Man should consider them
selves in it as compared to me is moth
ing short Of preposterous cheek. have
carefully read both their statements, and
when you come right down to it neither
has Il single cause to complain.
If YOU want real genuine martyr
look at me! Hair began to fall out at
two years. and I've been bald since
was fifteen. While the Fat Man and
Bow-Lcggcd Man have been able to de-
ceive the public by sitting down, my
bald head is always on top and in plain
view of everybody. l presume the pub
lie has occasionally smiled over the en-
barrassment of my two contemporaries,
but only when | was not around. A
bald-headed man will draw more atten-
tion in one minute than a bow-legged
man can in all day. There's something
very funny in the look of a man built
on half curve, but only for once, while
bald-headed man is good the whole
year round.
From a. M, when | come down
town, to 6 p. M, when / go home, my
feelings are continually hurt, and if L
was as captious as the Bow-Lcgged Man
/ should be in hot water half the time.
no sooner board street car and re-
move my hat to wipe my head than a
smile passes round, and I've known
people to ride two squares extra just to
see if anything was going to happen. If
there's baby near by he is seized
with an insane desire ito feel of the top
of my head, and the red-headed woman
looks fiXedly at me and mentally
thanks heaven that there is some one
worse off than she is.
"As | go up and down Broadway |
| can't help hearing what is said of me.
am recommended to soak my head, bor-
row bear skin, sand-paper my scalp,
rub in some mustard, and lots of other
things which haven't time to do. The
kids follow me about and want to know
| if it aches. and where it roosts nights,
and what it does in cold weather, but
never let on to hear. j know it does
'em good and | like to see boys get
along and have some comfort in this
world.
And the gigantic gall of the Fat
Man and the Bow-Legged Man tc
claim that the newspapers are
always after them! Why, sir, every
newspaper in this country has exactly
seven paragraphs about the bald-headed
man to one about the two above men
tioned-scven to one, sir! There's many
an edition that could hardly have beer
issued but for picking those old squibs
about me off the standing galley and
chuclting 'em in as live matter
what did we have yesterday, for in
stance:
"a fight for life. A bald-hcadeC
man attacked a horse-hy. Both vii
probably die
ga bald-headed man in barber!
.hair. A funny incident on Fourth ave
nue.
The bald-headed man at Coney Isl
and. He goes in bathing and frighten
child into convulsions. Is there III
law in this country
" Collapse of three-story house
Fourteen people more or less injured
A bald-headed man the cause. Eurthe
particulars in the last edition
And aside from these were the usua
, paragraphs about the bald-headed ma,
having the points of the compass painte
: on his pate-the bald-headed ma
5 among the Indians-the bald-heade
man who absent-mindedly put porou
plaster on his scalp, etc, etc.
II was in daily newspaper Office tn
other day. l went there to tell tn
editor that always paid cash for IN
, subscription, and never asked him t
take wood or produce or store trade
! and to hope that he would let up awhil
on bald-headed men. He took me NJ
stairs into the composing-room an
S showed me over three hundred shol
t items which had been set up during til
< dull season and laid away to use in tn
! fall Everyone Of them was about
bald-headed man, and the number wa
daily being added to- He said he wa
t sorry for me, of course, but the publ
t had soured on the Fat Man and tn
S Bowl Legged Man and demanded bale
/ headed squibs and would have them.
t appreciate the situation and shall max
the best of it, but what gals me is
have two takers come out in print an
try to pose as injured members of 81
ciety! Injured! HumphH'-M. Quad,
| NJ ~