The Lamar register., 1891-03-21
THE orlrisus.

Fit for a king-an apopletic ct.
When rats see cat they always
scatt-er.
The name part of a horse Is the back
Of its neck.
The buyer who tries to beat you
down is a price-hghter.
The prosperity Of the tailor opens
large field for theorizing on the sur.
rival OF the misfittist.
II you are run over by hearse it i;
almost sure sign that there will be
funeral in your family.
When there is no hawk aying around
the biggest thing in the barnyard Is
the strut of the smallest rooster.
$50 you imagine the next world will
be much like this onea" why. yes.
There will be lots of red-hot politicians
there, imagine.
First Citizen-''How do you stand
On the silver question: Second Citi-
zen-''Oh. don't have to bother with
it. My wife runs the bank account
Sharpsen (-es,di14s fiatterins inscrip-
lion on tombstone)- sounds az
If somebody were trying to give him
taffy." Phlatz-' .Epitaphy. you mean"
Ethel-'.Do you think there will be
marriages in heaven?n Maud-''Foi
your sake | trust so, dear. Eternity
may furnish you the opportunity which
time refuses"
My boy" said the good deacon re
provingly, "do you know where little
II, AL lr,T-1
well, most on EN- goes to de lake,
OATS de best place.
EWhy he was bowed down:
His noble form was bent;
His brain was all whirl;
No sorrow bowed him down,
He was only kissing his girl.
Miss Dogood- dear little boy
Il you want to succeed in life. always
take pains with everything you do. :"
Boy-'I do, mum. took seven this
morning with this bean-shooter.
Husbands here. Nettie, what's
the use of paying girl Sl2 a month
when you do all the work." Vile
nell, the neighbors would say l had tc
De my own work if didn't keep girl. p
Dora-.I showed my portrait to the
mayor yesterday. and he said that i
didn't fatter me- Boston Friend
"Oh, but it does, dear, and so did he!'
CThey are not on speaking terms now J
Don't you ever go to see comedies:
inquired Miss Laura. mo, said Miss
Irene Laughter produces wrinkles ?
And Miss Irene went on reading the
humorous departm ent in one of the
daily newspapers
Old Spiritualist-"Thec coat you sole
me is all going to pieces" Dealer
-''Mein frient you go to doc many of
dose seances. Dose spirits dake a
fancy to dot fine coat und dey demate-
rialize it so as to haf it for derselves.r
Il understand there is company il
New York that will furnish dudes fol
escorts or for use at germans and cotil-
lions, when there is a shortage of men. y
live heard of that. / saw one OF
their signs the other day uptown
Flats to Let
john said Mrs Burlington, "be-
fore L married you people predicted
that you would never get ahead in the
vorld.n And what do you think OF
their predictions now?n Il only wish
they could see how regularly you get
a head every Saturday night.
Daughter (weeping bitterly)-"Oh,
do have pity. papa, and let me ane
Edward be happy" Papa "a natural.
ist, replies furiously) ).-s.What, you
thinking of matrimony when you don't
even know how many vertebraes there
are in the spinal column of lizard?'
Jones-.'yery stupid girl. that Mis-.
Wilpin." Smith-'.How sop WHY,
ycu see We were guessing conundrum,
the other evening, and l asked he,
what was the difference between my.
self and donkey" '.WenPn .fWellsr
Why, by Jove, she said she didn't
know
Mr.. Flatbad (who has been singing
for an hour and a quarter)-"Ml
friends all tell me, Miss Tiredout, tina;
ought to go on the stage. Now,
where do you think 1 ought to gop Or
the concert stage or the operation Mis-:
Tiredout-"Oh, l don't care which. Sc
you only go.n
Il am going to be your hub, sait
the young carriage-builder frorr
Boston, as they stood before the altar
.'fes, said his blushing bride, who in.
tended always to have the last word
.'and l will supply the spokes.' land
T. wound up the clergyman, as he
joined their hands, am the tier"
She knew Pop:
'Tis late, the twain are popping corn
And suddenly they stop,
For something in the hallway borne
And followeth drop
AHA" said she, with timely yawn.
THAT mystery I top
You see, while we've been popping corr
Some one's been corning pop
First Sportsman (who has spent the
winter ut fashionable Florida resort
What have you shot this season
old boy?a Second Sportsman (wht
has Just returned from the Rockies>-
"one grizzly, two foxes and se!ec,
assortment of deer. And you9" FRS;
Sportsman Qanguidly raising his darl
eyes)-" Nothing but few glanees.n