Morning journal and courier., 1891-11-02
RAN K.

The tramp may be said to belong to the rank and vile of humanity.-New York Herald.
 "Before we were married you used to compare me to spring." said Maud, after the quarrel. ''You're like it yet," retorted John. ''You make me tired. ."-Harper's Bazar.
 Scientific Rainmaking - Dowter-The Archdeacon prayed for rain last Sunday, but it hasn't come yet. Showter-Next time you'd better send for the canon.- Puck.
 MT. Pevvynew-Don't you find this wine very stronga Nr. Van Bibber-Well, it ought to be, after two voysges-from San Francisco to Bordeax and back to New York.-Puck.
 'I feel as fresh as daisy" he remarked exuberantly. And the slangy girl simply remarked ssThat's first-rate simile. It would take "a daisy to be anything like as fresh as you are. e."-Washington Star.
 Young wife-Harry. how can you take so much notice of other women! You used to tell me that I entirely filled your heart. Young husband-Yes, dear, but there is such a thing as enlargement of the heart, you know.-Boston Transcript.
 Mother-When do you suppose that young man who calls on you will make known his intentions, Laura! Laura-I think he will propose pretty soon. Last evening he was very anxious to know whether could dress on $40 a year. Yankee Blade.
 Rowne de Bout-rm sorry to know Sted- diman has got to drinking so hard of late Ryand Lowe-Why, you don't mean to say you saw him intoxicated Rowne de Bout-No; but I met him coming out of Turkish bath at o'clock in the morning.
 Cobwigger-The material for this quilt must have cost pretty figure. Mrs. Cob wigger-How can you say such thing. Anyone but a man would know that it is made of pieces that were left over. Why. ever since we were married whenever bought new dress got an extra yard or so for this very purpose.-Life. A fashionably dressed lady appeared at the box office of the Star theater and said to the man in the window: '1 want the best seat in the house." ''That depends | on what you call the best seat in the | house. Do you want a seat where you | have a good view of the stagel'' ''Not so | much that & N seat where person can be seen by everybody in the house. What do | you suppose wear this $70 dress forl"- Texas Siftings.
 A Better Story Than His.-Rodney Bates is sportsman of more enthusiasm than experience. He had good luck one day last summer while fishing up in the Maine woods, and his joy overfiowed in a tele- | gram to his wife like this: ''Pve got one. | Weighs seven pounds and is beauty" :" In reply came the following, signed by Mrs. Bates: "So have I. Weighs ten pounds. He isn't a beauty. Looks like you. It was more than ten words, but Roddy forgave her.-Boston Post.
 One can hardly imagine our English country elergymen making as witty a re- ply to a demonstrating psrish;oner as the village cure in the following story: He had preached to his flock in the morning that reason was bridle to our passions; but, alas, in the evening he was found so ! exceedingly tipsy that be had to be car ried home. Next day, one of his parish toners asked him what he had done with his bridle on the previous evening.
 "Faith, :" said he, "I had removed it, ths, might drink.".-AIl the Year Round.