Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-03-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

duSu mOuoy is Wudt CHc young uuS-
band parts with for soothing syrups, etc.
Mercury.
Stealing march is not larceny any
more than firing a peddler is arson
Pittsburq Post.
"What 90 you think of Harxins as
talkera" "He is brilliantly dull."-
Chicago Neaos.
The man who is always finding fault
will always assure you that he is never
looking for it.-Someroille Journal.
Accounting Trustee-"Figures can't
lie, you know, sir" Disappointed Bene-
ficiary-siNo, but liars can figure. -
Teas Siftinqs.
A mule would rather hear himself bray
than to listen to anybody else's music.
A good many people are built like him.
RAMS Horn.
''I'll just take off my ova-coat," is
what the young chick said as it broke
the shell and first saw the light of day.
Yonhers Statesman.
''He Is great traveller" "Dont be-
lieve he was ever out of the citY!" "But
then, see how he wanders in his mind"
philadelphia Times.
Miss Highmind-"What did you
think of Sig. Travello." Miss Giddy-
girl-"Oh, thought his mustache was
simply stunning. - Chicago Neos.
She went to Annals wedding,
For to we'd was Anna fated,
She had q lovely time, of course,
For then twas Anna mated.
Buffalo E.CpresS.
Woman can't throw stone straight to
save her soul, but she can sit in an easy
chair and enchant man so that he will
go and throw it for her. --SomeroiUe
Journal.
Blimbers-''My barber is really very
talented person." Bjones "IndeedW
Blimbcrs-"Oh. yes; he often illustrates
the stories he tells me with cuts. ."-Bos-
ton Post.
Common to New Workers: First
Stranger lin Boston)-'Is this Boston
Commons" Second Stranger-"Very.
But you ought to see New York.
american Grocer.
The Visitor (viewing the new baby
''Don't you think he is going to resem-
BILE his father?" The Mother-"I
shouldn't be surprised. He keeps me up
every night. ."-Neso York Sun.
Prof. Bumptious-''It has been truth
| fully remarked that "a little learning is a
dangerous thing" Sophomore (sotto
voice. -"Wonder if professor realizes the
peril he's in !'-Boston Courier.
all yLofI
think of my modest effort2" Friend
"Superb! Simply superb" A. A.
"Thank you." Friend--'sConsidered as
an effort p Indianapolis Journal.
s'We had some mind-reading at our
party last evening. Johnny had a pin
and the new minister tried to find it,"
.sAnd did he succeed9" "Oh, yes-he
found it when he sat down. - Chicago
Nelos.
s'But, Mr.. Finkelstein, why applaud
the play so vigorously when it is so
execrably bad2" "That makes no differ
ence to me, my dear fellow. lent the
author $40 this morning. Fliegende
BlGetter.
ssThe Government is going to pay
S93U, OU0 Tor ram, remarked the snake
editor. "The animal ought to have a
fine pedigree to be worth that much"
replied the agricultural editor.-Pitts-
burg Telegraph.
Globetrotle-'iDid you ever travel on
personally conducted tourG" Mr..
Meeker- "Often. Globetrotle
"Whom did you have for manager us
ually7" Mr.. Meeker-"My wife. -
Neao York Weekly.
Husband-''What are you so much in
terested iu in that paper?" Wife-'I
was reading one of those articles on how
to get up cheap dinner" Husband
"Do you want to ruin mel"-Mesc Or
leans Times Democrat.
Cholley's father was a Baron in the jolly
isle of Bull,
And the girl he sought to marry had a father
rich in wool;
Said her father ''Letus test him." and the
Yankee girl said Lets"
And they said he was no Baron when they
found he paid his debts.
-Gb;cnna N~..s