St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-08-30
4 CHICAGO YARN,
In Which Heaven, Hell and ST.
Paul Are Mixed Up.

Chicago men are noted the country
over for being great story tellers, and
they have earned their reputation hon
estly. Indeed, most of the yarns one
reads III the papers owe their origin to
the fertile brain of some ingenious
specimen from the Windy city. a
few nights ago, while str0lling
about the corridor of st. Paul hotel.
l overheard story, new one to me.
and funny enough, l ween, to deserve a
Stickful or two of your valuable space"
The story teller. as you may have al
ready guessed, was a native OF Chicago,
and he told it in that rOllicking, good
humored way so characteristic of the
inhabitants of that borough. 1t ran
something like this: A fellow. whom
we will call Smith for short. died. He
had been one of the boys during his life,
but before his sun set he eSpOuSed re-
liglOn, made an exposition of his faith,-
and passed into the realms of shade Sus-
tanned and SOOthed by all the comfort
ing ministratiOnS that fall to the lot
OF such a mortal. Smith had hopes
then that he would not be
condemned, and his surprise was
most gratifying when he found himself
whirled up to the peaIly gates and into
the presence of the sanity Peter. After
paying his Obeisance to the gatekeeper,
without further ado he made his way
into the realms of Paradise and strobe
up the golden thoroughtares with the
air of one who wanted to see all the
sights. Everything was indeed beauti-
full, and up to the conception he had
formed of the mansions in the sky
while yet mere lad. The angels were
fitting about in lazy sort of way, and
the air was redolent with sweet music
and perfumes delicious, but there was
quiet stiffness connected with the
affair which rather Jared Oh Smith.
who was beginning to be moved
by the old spirit of the flesh. This is
growing monotonous," he said to him
self, land think Eli take a little run
down to HadeS to see how things look
down there, just for change. So. suit
ing the action to the word, he hurried
down the road. and, approaching st.
Peter, made known to him his wishes.
That worthy looked quite astonisbed,
but, upon recovering himself, presented
the young man with ticket in case he
desired to return, and babe him adieu.
Smith. thereupOn. sauntered down to
the internal regions, full of curiosity as
to the scenes he was about to witness.
He'll What horrible place it must be.
And so he entered the portals of the
demons rest, with feelings of much trep-
idation, only to be most agreeably sur
prised.
All was gaiety and hilarity. There
was dancing and singing on every hand,
and bands playing, bells ringing and
everything progressing as if the wide
open policy were in vogue. Smiths eyes
bulged right out of their sockets, and
his face took on a look of perfect and
complete contentment. This suits me
to a tee" he sOliloquized, land if can
sell my ticket for Heaven, [ think I'll
settle right here" Illuminating thus, he
passed along, enjoying the sights and
sounds, when presently he saw man
approaching, TO whom he thought he
could sell his ticket
Accosting him, he told him that he
had been to Heaven, but had concluded
that ne would remain in hell, but
wanted to dispose of his ticket. Judge
of Smiths establishment when the man
replied: My boy, tickets TO Heaven are
drug on the market. | have been try
ing to sell mine tor week, and find l
can't give it aWay.''