davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
TWO Brave Men,

They met on the City Hall steps.
IS q say you are asfalsifer, sir,' ex-
claimed the man coming down.
Whats that? What's that?" ask
ed the other one, bracing up and
backing down. .-
q say You are a falsifer, SIR"
"And / repel the insinuation and
calumniate the insinuator."
whats that?' What's that, sir?"
snorted the up-step man.
II repel the insinuation, sir, and
calumniate the insinuator;"' and he
stepped up a step. ......s...
"Well, sir, accept your apology,
sir; but don't let it occur again" -
Detroit Free Press. ~.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
CHESTNUTS NEW. AND OH
CLEANED FROM A VARIETY ~
SOURCES. '
His Ruling Passion--Why He sh,,,-
ered--Suffering Tourists in
Italy--TWo Brave Men,
An Apology That Cow
cred 1t All.
His Ruling Passion.

Many years ago, near Nashville.
Tenn, lived an old fellow-Dan Craw-
ord. He had small farm, but he
lid not give any more attention to
agricultural pursuits than absolute
aecessity demanded. The main part
Of his time was spent wherever he
could find anyone who was willing to
bet with him. 1t made no material
difference what he bet on or on which
side he bet. The amount of his bets
was necessarily small. He had been
known to bet his hat and coat on the
Joss of a cent.
He was taken down with fever, and
the doctor considered his case hope
less, and bluntly told him so.
"Bet you don't die, DOCTOR" said
whats the use OF betting" replied
the doctor. "Who'd pay if I won?"
"That's so, said Dan weakly; land
ag'in, you've got it all on your side ii
took your medicine. Say, Doc?"'
"Well." i
"When a Teller dies they say that he
turns angel and has wings" l.
eyes"
"You expect to, don't your"
eyes, trust So"
"Well, Doc, I'll bet you two to one
when we meet over there that I'll beat
you fyin'."
Dan recovered from that illness,
but he was mad at the doctor because
he would not bet with him on his re-
covery.-Texas Siftings. 8
Why He shlvered.
They sat on a bench in Madison
Square Park as the sun went down
and the bright stars twinkled in the
sky like new ten-cent pieces held up to
so many knot-holes. Vehicles rum.
bled, newsboys shouted, humanity
passed and repassed, but what wa
earth to them? Her Grecian face was
upturned in such a way that the
freckle on her nose was in the shadow,
while he clasped her hand and bent his
hazel eyes on the toothpick toes OF his
patent feathers and seemed to be
dreaming, All at once, as suddenly
as if a cat had been dropped from a
fourth story window, a shiver ran
through his manly frame.
"Alfred, what is it," she cried in
alarm as she sprang up. .....~ ~
He was silent. 1885, 49,
"Afred, do you doubt my love?"
He shivered again: :.
''You do-you do! You have dis
covered that Algernon Hawkins sent
me six shilling bouquet, and you
conclude that I intend to shake you!
Oh! Alfred, what can say to-"
"Sit down, darling!" he interrupted,
in avoice as rich as Mississippi bot
tom lands. .
'But you doubt me!' u
mo darling!" ..... ......-..
"Then-then, why these shivers?'
"Nothing, my birding nothing, ex-
cept that I have been idiot to change
my winter socks too soon and have
struck a snow-bank." New York
World, Z;
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
What Microbes Are

Science is in the air these days Of
general diffusion OF newspapers and
books. The Albany Argus reports a
dialogue between two Irishmen. They
were running on about one thing and
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
A SUMNER SECRET.

The way,
(They say ...s.-,.
10 conquer outward heat
Is not,
When hot,
TO fan ice to eat.
s Instead,
@ CTis said) ..-
A wiser, better plan
-...... Is here,
With beer, ..--..
To flood the inner man
...I A man,
A can,
- A lager beer saloon -.
Combined, ..
You'll find
A sweet and lovely boon.
No more
Before
The tardy breakfast bell
/ sweat,
" You bet!
But then, needn't tell. ..
Frank Putnam.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
Suffering Tourists in Italy.

American Tourists Tin Par 81
'Bless my stars! How de do, jerks?
Didn't hope to meet you in this part
OF the world"
Jenks-"Oh, I've gone the rounds,
been everywhere. Just came from
Italy,"
"By jove! Glad I met you. Now
tell me frankly old fellow, do you
think it would be wise for us to 20 to
Italy? I've got my wife and children
with me you know"
''No, don't go. Go anywhere else,
but do not go to Italy. You will re-
greet it if you do"
"My! my! So bad as that? But
there are some Americans in Italy this
season, are there not?"
"Y-e-s, some, but they are mighty
glad to get away, I can tell you. It's
awful, awful, perfectly terrible"
Goodness me! How do the Itali-
ans act?"
ooh! they act all right"
"But you say life there is terrible
for Americans"
eyes. The hand-organs are just be-
ginning to play annie Rooney ~
New York Weekly.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
THE LAST.

At work upon his proof-sheets
An editor once sat,
When at the door q sound was heard,
A confident RAT
TAT!
"ComeinW he cried. The portal yawned,
And slammed against the wall.
A form strobe in. It was poet;
A man with lots of gall.
"What seek your" spake the editor.
II bring little poem,
A parody of Riley's verse;
Itmay be that you =.
know 'em!"
"Ha!-tell me-do the final lines
Run in some novel way?"
'"They do!' the poetry man replied,
.1n Gu ri gu, dis array r
The editor, he CROPPED among
His deadliest machines
A bomb of dynamite reduced
nj h
That Q IS
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18

None OF the cows could do it, Of
course" - -
Ihen al the scholars laughed and
woke up for the rest of the dav and
Deacon Day bowed himself o,,t f.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
MY APACHE PROTEGE.

EVER go chum-
ming with an
Apache? You smile
at such strange ad-
vice? Well, might
have smiled at it
once myself. But
we are all creatures
OF circumstances,
and l was a tender
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
An Apology That Covered 1t All.

A prominent official at Tabreez. in
the course of an alteration with an
English gentleman called his adversary
a liar. The result was a challenge,
which seemed to the Persian prepos-
ferrous.
II fght" said he. "What shall I
fight for? only called him liar"
"Well," said the gentleman who
took the note to him, che saws YOU
will have to fight him; there is no way
OF getting out of it. 1t will never do
to call an English gentleman liar"
but | say ! won't fight" replied the
other.
''Then you must apologize.
apologize?"
"Why, take it all back, and sayyou
are sorry you called him liar
lis that all?" replied the Persian.
"Of course I'll apologize; I'll say what
ever he wishes me to say. / lied when
l called him liar. I am a liar, the
son OF liar and thegrandson of liars.
What more does he want me to sav?n
Persia and the Persians.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
First In the Field,

First Citizen-I understand that the
Reverend Mr.. Thumper has had a call
to fill a Kansas City pulpit.
Second Citizen-Pshaw! he isn't a
very big preacher.
First Gtizen-I know it. But the
Kansas City church has heard it
whispered that he is going to be tried
for heresy Judge.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
Reasonable Questions,

Facts, taken all by themselves, are
often open to a ludicrous interpreted
ton.
Ayoung man just home from col
lege, wishing to inspire his little sister
with awe for his learning, pointed to
a star and said: a..
"Do you see that bright little lumin-
airy? It's bigger than this whole
world" -
'No, tisn't, said she.
Eyes, it is" declared the young col
legian.
"Then why don't it keep off the
rain?'was the triumphant rejoinder.
Spare Moments.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
Two Sides.

"When a man makes a large fortune
what do people say" asked the teach
er. 4.
"That he is Fortunate" replied the
bright boy.
THAT'S right. Now, when man
fails IN business, what do they say?"
"That he didn't advertise. New
York Recorder.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18
No Wonder He Sent It Back.

Customer-The person to whom I
sent this gold Tyre returned it without
so much as a note of thanks
Jeweler-What was his business?
He was an editor"
GIL think your selection was
peculiarly unfortunate" Jewellers
Weekly.
AWormy Chestnut, Sir. He Said.
What place is it, asked the Sabbath
school teacher, where the worm dieth
not?
ooh, that's chestnut, answered
the bad boy in the back row.-In.
dianapolis Journal.
AnUnhappy Misun Understanding.
She Ito her partially deaf lover) -
OH. / dote on diamonds.
He gleefully-I don't own 'em
either, I think it's extravagant. =
Jewellers Weekly.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-18

"a True Story.)
In little Daisy's dimpled hand two bright,
new pennies shone;
One was for Rob (at school just them, the
other Daisy siown.
While waiting Rob's return she rolled
both treasures round the floor.
When suddenly they disappeared, and
one was seen no more
"Poor Daisy. Tsyour penny loste" was
asked in accents kind.
: 'Why, no, mines here!" she quickly
said, "It's Rob's cannot find"
st. Nicholas.
Flossie-"H How is it that Grace is so
popular with the young men? Why,
Dorothy, she's as hornely as SIM
Dorothy"Yes, Grace is homely; but
you see, Flossie, she has no little
brother. -scribner's Magazine.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-13
THE PENITEN rIARY.
improvements Going On-Educating thu

improvements Going On-Educating the
Convicts-A vicious Convict's Attack.
S,.,cial COrresDOndence of the REGISTER.
MoUNDsvu.LE, May IL "A REGISTER
representative was in Moundsvlle yes
terday, and among other things maze
tour of the penitentiary. The pen IS
in good shape, the spring cleaning
being just completed. Ground was
broken yesterday and work VIII
begin at once upon the
erection of a building for dining hail.
outside of the main building. Recently
the Board OF Directors recommended
the purchase of states, arithmetics,
spoilers, readers, etc, for the use OF
conyicts. These have been bought and
the superintendent says the scheme
is working charmingly. lie says the
conyicts are mostly all in favor OF the
idea, and he thinks that the primary
education received in this way Will have
a beneficial effect upon the convlctS IN
regard to submission TO prison disclp-
line and the like.
InfractiOns of the prison regulations
are not frequent but they sometimes &C.
cur. The last one of any significance
occurred in March. A desperate con-
vict, by name of Bush, sent up from
Petersburg, having served term In
California penitentiary, was discovered
as having concealed table knife on his
person, converted it into saw and cut
off two bars of his cell door
with it. For this he was called
nm to Police Court, which sits each
q -, xuit D. SnnerintPnn-
ent Van Pelt as Judge, to sentence I'M
ruly prisoners to some form OF PUNISH
mont. Bush was sentenced to be buck
ed and gagged aud confined in the dark
cell 30 mieuteS. Immediately after SUI
perintendent Van Pelt had pronounced
the sentence, Bush leaned forward and
asked who had informed on
him. at the same instant
he drew case knife from
his sleeve and struck terrific blow at
the Superintendent. The point OF the
knife was detected so that 1t did not
cut the flesh but caught in the coat and
the blade broke. An examination OF
the knife showed that ii had been
ground down to point aud made very
sharp. The chief guard, the hall guard
and the Superintendent rushed upon
the fellow, who at once threw
up his hands and begged
for mercy, thus escaping being knocked
down and taken by force. For this as
sault he was put in the dark cell and
kept there till he promised to behave
properly, when he was put to work with
heavy hobble attached to his ankle,
and he still wears the hObble.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-13
SHE DID SWALLOW HER TEETH.
A Curious Case Where the Doctors We're
at Fault.

BRrDGEP0RT, CT, May 12.-Nearly
two years ago Mrs. Mary Green, do
nestle then living on State street in
this city, declared that her false teeth
had slipped down her throat, and that
she suffered great distress and pain in
consequence Of the obstruction.
Physicians who examined her, how
ever, concluded that she was the victim
of her imagination, but she insisted so
strongly 10 the contrary, aHd appeared
30 experience so much suffering that
the doctors at the Bridgeport Hospital
6nally consented TO perform surgical
operation, and extract the missing
teeth II they should be found.
The operation failed to reveal the eX-
istence OF any teeth in Mrs. Green's in
terror, and the doctors then felt assured
that she had been the victim of false
fright only.
Believing the woman to be the victim
OF "a mental hal,ucinatlOn, and TO allay
her fright the doctors performed sec
Opd operation, and assured her that they
had found the teeth. Mrs. Green was
better for awhile, but again declared
shat she felt the teeth decorating her
Vitals, aud she was sent to the HOmWo-
pathic Hospital in New York, her pre-
ViOuS Bridgeport experience being com
municated 20 the hospital physicians by
the Bridgeport doctors, together with
their belief that she was victim of i'm
aginati0n only.
To satisfy her, another operation was
performed ~ the New York hospital,
but the surgeons found nothing.
When Mrs. Green recovered from the
effects of the auethsetic, however, set
of teeth were shown her, and she was
assured that they were the teeth which
she had swallowed. The patient there
after got well, and protested to have no
more trouble.
The case was freely reported in medi-
cal Journals and in the press throughout
the cOuntry Is a striking incident of the
powers of the human imagination.
Mrs Green died here OF consumption
yesterday aud an autopsy by DR.. Blod-
get revealed the fact that the doctors as
we'll as the woman had been victims OF
imagination. The doctor and his as
slStants found the plate and the teeth in
the wOman's esOphaguS, about two
inches above the stomach. The curved
plate fitted the pipe so well that there
was no obstruction TO the food as it
passed down the throat. and the plate
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-13
WONDER WATERS.
4 New Fra among Nirginia's Famous Hot,
Warm and HeaIing springs

New Era among Nirginia's Famous NOT
Warm and healing springs
The Southern improvement Company,
composed of the Chesapeake x ONO
Railway Company, Drexel Morgan ~
Co., Geo. Il. Bliss. j. Crosby Brown aud
other bankers of New York, M. E In
gals. Pres't of the c. & o. aud Big
R'y, together with DR.. Ii. Mcclure, DR..
Geo. Ross, C. 0. B. COwardin and others
of Virginia have purchased the warm,
Hot and Healing Springs. a standard
gauge railway, "a miles in length Is now
under construction from COvington,
Va, to the Hot Springs aud Will be
completed early in July.
The Hot and Healing Springs are be-
ing greatly improved and will be opened
early in May, and will be run under di-
rection of the Southern Improvement
Company. Extensive Improvements In
bathing establishments and hotels Will
be made during the next year or two.
Plans are being prepared for villa for
MIR. NJ. Il. Ingalls,, President of he
Chesapeake and Ohio Railway Co,
which will be constructed during the
season at the Warm Springs.
Engineers and landscape gardeners
are now engaged in laying out the
properties at the Hot and Warm Springs
and number of handsome lots villa
sites will be offered for sale in the near
future to acceptable parties who desire
TO build.
The great value of the waters, which
are superior to any known warm and
hot waters and the proximity of this
property to the great population of the
Eastern cities, being only 7 hours from
Washington, hours from Baltimore
and 10 hours from New York and
nights ride from the Ohio Valley, to-
gether with a delightful climate, will
undoubtedly create a tremendous de-
velopment in this valley which is beau
tful to look upon and occupies posi-
ton $500 feet above the sea.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-13

A Monument Erected With Proper Cere
monies Near Columbus, Ind.

Monument Erected With Proper Cere-
monies Near Columbus. Ind.
COLUMBUS, IND, May 12.-Ten thou
sand people assembled this afternoon in
Decatur county, twenty miles east OF
here, to witness the dwelling OF mon
ument erected to mark the center OF
population of the United States.
Speeches were made by State Supreme
Judges Cumback aud Miller. Then
followed historical sketch OF the ''cen-
ter of population"
The monument, which is fifteen feet
high, is of highly polished gray lime
stone, and deeply cut into it is the fol-
lowing inscription:
Center of the Population of the
United States"
This is the second time in the history
of the United States that the center of
the population has been tremendously
marked with monument. The first
time was 1910, and the place was several
miles northwest of Washington, ID. c.,
where yet remains small stone on which
is engraved Center of Population" The
center of the population has travelled
westward each decade aeOut forty-hve
miles, and has varied from a strright
line west from Baltimore as the popu-
lation increased in the North and
South. The only time when the exact
centre could not be accurately fixed was
from 1850 to 1870, when perfect census
could not be taken in that part of the
United States where the civil war oc-
CARED. The following is the location
of these centres each decade since 1890,
when it was twenty three miles east of
Baltimore.
In 1900, IS miles west of Baltimore;
in 1910, IS miles northwest by west OF
WaShiu ytOu; in 1890, l6 miles north of
Woodstock, Va; in 1880, 10 miles west
by southwest of Moorefeld, w. Va; in
1910, 16 miles south of ClarkS0urg, w.
Va; in 1850. % miles southeast Of
Petersburg. w. Va; in 1860, 20 miles
south Of Cbllicothe, O.; in 1870, IS miles
east by north of Cincinnati, O., in 1850,
miles west by south OF Cincinnati, o.;
in 1890, 20 miles east of ColumbuS, lad.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-13
Garrulous Mrs. Chugwater.
Eb;c11o T1Jh1iE<


."Samantha," grumbled Mr.. Chug
water. Rambling in one of the bureau
drawers, sd like to know where, IL
the name of common sense, you KEEP
my Socks?"
"What pair do you want, Josiah p
inquired Mrs. Chugwater.
ANY pair, if they are only mates.
Here's an odd gray sock and an odd
black one, and down here in the corner
is an old pair OF last summers socks,
with holes in the toes. don't see
why my things can't be kept in order,
the same as other mems"
eff you had only tod me"
Told you. Have / got TO run to you,
Mrs. Chugwater, for every little thing
want? Is that your idea about how to
carry on the household business? If
YOU'D Just take trouble enough to pile
things in here so can find 'em when |
want 'em it would save me lots OF
bother"
"Jo>iah. if you will let me -"
Now, there's no use OF getting excit-
ed about this thing. II you know where
| can get a pair of halfway decent socks
lust say so, and I'll hunt 'em up, and If
You don't know and will have the kind
ness 10 put the fact in plain English,
I'll 90 out and buy pair. That's
ALL"
eff you hadn't tumbled these things
all out of shape, Josiah -"
'Tumbled them out of shape, have /?
What's a bureau drawer for anyway? Is
il to hide things in, madam? If don't
find what | want on top, haven't got
to go down under, I'd like to know?
Any woman that will pack and jam a
bureau drawer full of things, and ar
range them so you've got to dig and
claw through the whole business 10 get
what you're after and then don't get it,
hasn't got the right idea about. arrang-
ing a mans haberdashery. If you know
where my socks are, Mrs. Chugwater,
why don't you say so, instead OF stand
ing around like a stoughton bottle and
doing DothingY"
81 could have found them for you in
minuCe aud saved you all this trouble
IL YOU had given me chance" said
Chugwater. as she Strengthened out the
tanglein thu dra yer aud brought to
view from one of the bottom corners
five pairs OF clean socks "When you
want anything of this kind hereafter,
Josiah, if you'll just let me know"
"The trouble with you, Samantha,
grOwled Mr.. Chugwater, as he jerked a
pair from the top of the pile and went
off 10 one corner TO put them on, 'fs
that you talk too much"
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-13

A Wnkesbarre Penna.. Woman Marrtes
and Buries Six of Them.


and Buries Six of Them.
WuKEsBARRE, PA, May l2.-MrS.
Mary ConOver, now widow for the
sixth time, buried her last husband on
Thursday.
In the fall Of 1868 John Fellows re-
turned TO his home in Sullivan county
from the war OF the rebellion, He was
= dashing young fellow Of 81, but was
minus one leg. He fell in love with
Miss Hotchkiss, aud they were married.
The bride was only 10 years of age at
the time. The husband got work as
clerk 10 a grocery store, but wounds re-
ceived during the war put him on his
deathbed, and two years after he was
married be died.
The young widow mOurned for eight
months, and then married another sol
der named Jerry Shafer, who had just
returned from Washington. Jerry died
4 little over a year after he had been
married.
The next man who came to WOO the
fair widow was a soldier also. His name
was Hezekiah FOrnham. He and his
his wife lived happily together until
1874. when he was seized with typhoid
IeFeT GuQ Qlcus tcdhluS oCH'H~ N-' ~
children.
The widow was still young aud fairly
good looking, and after mourning her
third husband for a little over year,
she married the fourth one in the per-
son OF widOwer named John McCand-
less. Jack" was also soldier, and,
like the other husbands, was wounded,
TOO. He vas minus an arm and leg.
After the fourth husband had passed
away, she could not resist the attention
OF another veteran of the war. His
name was Joseph Kelcher. He was also
a cripple Kelcher died. Again the
wife proved faithful nurse, and the
dying veteran was loud in his praises
OF the woman.
The widow said that she would never
marry again, but she failed TO keep her
promise. In the fall Of 1887 John Con-
over, d veteran and widOwer with two
children, met the widow, and was so
smitten that he proposed marriage
few months latter. His offer was ac-
cepted, and on January ID, 1888, they
were married.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-13

When Charlemagne and his " knights OF
the Round Table were making war on THO
Saracens, IN Africa, it frequently happened
fiat KNIGHTS on either side would fight IN
single combat for the honor Of their re-
spective armies The Saracens had been,
Tor many years, the scourge the dreaded
invaders of Europe, and all waSed war
against this common enemy.
But i'm these days the worst ScourSe that
threatens us. is that dread invader, Con-
sumption;
Consumption faStens its hold upon its vic
tins whilo they are unconscious OF ITS up
proach. Dr. FiercC's Golden Medical DIS
covcry has cUrcd thousands of cases OF TINS
most fatal Of nlalaGieS But 1t must 90
taken before the disease is too far advanced
60 order to 30 effective. II taken IN tlule,
and given a fair trial. il VIII euro, or money
Said for it VIII be refunded.
For Weak Lungs, Splitting Of Blood, Short
ness Of Breath. Bronchitis, Asthma, severe
Coughs, and Kindred affections, 1t Is ON une-
uualed remedy. -,
For all diseases that arise from torpid
liver and impure blood, pothing can take the
place Of Or. Piercc's Golden Medical DlScov-
erv. Nothin- viii, after You have seen what
Is does. It prevents and cures by removing
the cause. IL invigOratsS the liver, purihes
tho blood, sharpens the appetite improves
digestion. anl builds ND both strength and
flesh. when reduced below the standard OF
health.
Sold by druggists, everywhere