The Sunday morning news., 1891-12-13


the cart, to be dropped in the streets of
your magnificent town for them to pick
up that can What do you say? Come
nowi You won't do better, and you
NAV do worse You take it! Hooray.
Sold again and got the seat!"
These Dear Jacks soap the people
shameful, but we Cheap Jacks don't.
We tell 'em the truth about themselves
to their faces, and scorn to court 'em.
AS to wenturesomeness in the way of
putting up the lots, the Dear Jacks beat
us hollow. 1t is considered in the Cheap
Jack calling that better patter can be
made out of q gun than any article we
put up from the cart, except pair Of
spectacles. often hold forth about
gun for quarter of an hour, and feel as
if | need never leave off. But when l
tell 'em what the gun can do, and what
the gun has brought down, never go
half so far as the Dear Jacks do when
they make speeches in praise of their
guns-their great guns that set 'ein on
to do it. Besides, I'm in business for
myself; | amt sent down into the mar
ket place to order, as they are. Besides,
again, my guns don't know what ] say
in their laudation, and their guns do,
and the whole concern of 'em have rea-
son to be sick and ashamed all round.
These are some of my arguments for de-
claring that the Cheap'Jack calling is
treated i'll in Great Britain, and for
turning warm when think of the other
Jacks in question setting themselves up
to pretend to look down upon it.
courted my wife from the footboard
of the cart. | did indeed. She was a
Suffolk young woman. and lit was in
Ipswich market place right opposite the
corn chandlers shop. had noticed her
up ut window last Saturday that was.
appreciating highly. had took to her,
and had said to myself, "If not already
disposed of I'll have that lot" Next
Saturday that come | pitched the cart
on the same pitch, and I was in very
mgh feather indeed, keeping 'em laugh
ing the whole of the time and getting
off the goods briskly. At last took out
of my waistcoat pocket a small lot
wrapped in soft paper and l put it this
way docking up at the window where
she was) 'Now here, my blooming
English maidens. is an article, the last
article of the present evenings sale,
whichI offer to only you, the lovely
Suffolk dumplings billing over with
beauty, and won't take bid of thou
sand pounds for from any man alive.
Now what is it? Why, I'll tell you
what it is. It's made of fine gold and
| it's not broke. though there's a hole in
the middle of it, and it's stronger than
any fetter that ever was forged, though
it's smaller than any finger in my set OF
| ten Why ten? Because, when my par
ents made over my property to me, tell
| you true, there was twelve sheets,
| twelve towels, twelve tablecloths, twelve
knives, twelve forks, twelve tablespoons
and twelve teaspoons, but my set of
| fingers was two short of dozen and
| could never since be matched. Now
| what else is it? Come, I'll tell you. It's
hoop of solid gold wrapped in silver
! curl paper that | myself took off the
| shining locks Of the ever beautiful old
lady in Threadneedle street, London
city; wouldn't tell you so if | hadn't
the paper to show, or you mightn't be-
lieve it even of me. Now what else is
it? It's man trap and handcuff, the
parish stocks and leglock, all in gold
and all in one. Now what else is it?
] It's wedding ring. Now I'll tell you
what I'm going to do with it. I'm not
a-going to offer this lot for money, but
mean to give to the next of you beauties
that laughs, and I'll pay her a visit to-
morrow morning at exactly half after
nine o'clock as the chimes go. and I'll
take her out for walk to put up the
banns." She laughed and got the ring
handed up to her. When called in the
morning she says, "Oh, dear! It's never
you, and you never mean it?' ''It's
ever me-" says l, land / am ever yours
and | ever mean it, So we got mar
ried, after being put up three times,
which, by the bye, is quite in the Cheap
Jack way again, and shows once more how
the Cheap Jack customs pervade society.
She wasn't a bad wife, but she had a
temper. If she could have parted with
that one article at a sacrifice wouldn't
have swopped her away in exchange for
any other woman in England. Not that
ever did swop her away, for we lived
together till she died, and that was thir-
teen year. Now, my lords and ladies
and gentlefolks all, I'll let you into Sc
cret, though you won't believe it. Thir-
teen year of temper in a palace would
try the worst of you, but thirteen year
of temper in a cart would try the best of
you. You are kept so very close to 1t in
a cart, you see. There's thousands of
couples among you getting on like sweet
lie upon milestone in houses five and
six pairs of stairs high that would go to
the divorce court in a cart Whether
the jolting makes it worse, don't un-
dertake to decide; but in a cart it does
come home to you, and stick to you.
Violence in cart is so violent. and ag-
grawation in a cart is SO aggrawating.
We might have had such a pleasant
life! A roomy cart, with the large goods
hung outside, and the bed slung under
meath it when on the road, an iron pot
and kettle, fireplace for the cold
weather, a chimney for the smoke, a
hanging shelf and cupboard, dog and
horse. What more do you want9 You
draw off upon bit of turf in green
lane or by the roadside, you hobble your
old horse and turn him grazing, you