The Sunday herald and weekly national intelligencer., 1891-07-19

''This is Monday, June %, $780," my diary
reads, "and we are now on our fifth day out.
1t is blue Monday on land inasmuch as 1t is
of decidedly more azure hue; | might say
this is navy-blue Monday. It's indelllble,
too, and warranted to wash. ! am also blue
but not warrented to wash. l attempted 1t
this morning. The steward said we had "a bit
of sea on l should say it was a good sized
slice. / reached the wash-stand and poured
out some water, and then waited for lull in
the storm. After having tried and almost sue
ceeded to stand on her head, the ship next
attempted a summersault from the top of a
huge wave. While in mid air, however, she
changed her mind, dived into the next wave
and quieted down This, l thought, is my
opportunity to perform my morning ablu-
tons, and leaned over the basin and relaxed
my hold. Without any warning the ship gave
a sudden lurch and balanced herself on her
beam ends while | attempted the rather diff
ficult feat of standing on my head in the wash
basin. should have succeeded had not my
feet struck Smiths intellectual features as said
features emerged from the covers of the
upper berth. Smith said it was dishonorable
thing to do, TO kick fellow when he was
down, and asked if imagined We're at home
in the club gymnasium ? At which point in
Tue conversation Uue snip buuu6uly
to stand on the other end awhile. Smith fell
with thud on the floor tangled heap. l
meekly asked him if that was the best he
could do in the way OF giving an imitation OF
dull, sickening thud?'
MY notes for the next two or three days are
very brief June 81 record the following
peculiarites of passengers s'We have some
! unique characters on board One is familiarly
known as the man with the iron jaw That
jaw occupies the greater portion OF his face.
Tt l., f,,1 foc asp M for .pI
often while lost in admiration l find myself
neglecting my own meal. 1t seems disap-
pointed that it has nothing but ordinary ships
fare to grind. 1t seems to banker for some
thing that it could really call work. Stones,
. oyster shells, and old scrap iron under the in
fuence of that jaw would soon be reduced to
an impalpable powder. At the right Of our
friend with the ferric maxillary' is female
who is more characteristic than appetiZing.
Smith was the first to discover her great act.
''Her speciality cannot.be easily described.
. She must be seen to be appreciated. The way
she gambols with bolus of food is phe-
{. nomenal. 1t was long time before we could
think of a name for her that would be
characteristic. We thought Of the food
J. juggler The magic bolus supporter 'The-open-
: and-above board chewer', etc., but none of
{, these seemed just the thing. Finally Smith
3 suggested that we call her The Visible Masti-
Gator / readily sanctioned this name for
it not only sounded technical but it accurately
described this woman's wonderful perfor-
+, nance She would take a quantity of meat,
potatoes, and bread, form them into lump
n give it a toss with her fork, catch 1T with her
,.underlip and then with series OF rapid move
ments of her tongue, teeth, and lips, keep
that food in mid air in the region OF her
mouth until it would be thoroughly masti-
Gated, when, with a sudden protrusion of the
/, lower jaw 1.-THE food-disappeared among
her placid features. OF course, we have
the newly married couple. can see how a
trip to the mountains or lakes might be as
/, pleasant on ones bridal tour as at any other
time but, whatever induces misguided and ill
/. fated human beings to take an ocean voyage
on their wedding trip is beyond my COM
/ prehension, and yet they do it,"
ssAwoke June 28 with the sea washing the
F., port-hole. 1t had not been closed the night
before, and l dreamed the ship had sprung
: q leak and was sinking. knew-in my
dream-there was no hope for us, and 1t was
only question Of time when we should all,
! like McGinty, be at the bottom Of the sea.
But did not seem surprised-strange, but we
, never do seem surprised in our dreams-and
) I calmly awaited my fate wondered how 1t
, would feel to sink to the bottom, and then l
began to think about my past. 1t occurred to
, me that in many ways might have improved
little on that past. Yet there seemed sort
OF fascination to me In exploring submarine
territory, for it had never occurred to me yet
that was going to die. 1t seemed was
, simply to remain a prisoner in Neptune's
watery domain, the companion OF sharks,
' whales, and other monsters of the deep. l
could now feel the cold, briny water closing
In around me, and felt SO stuffy. 1t seemed
, so uncomfortable and l did not take kindly to
. my new surroundings. l wanted to be back,
on land. was not intended to be marine
animal, and felt that i was being imposed
upon. | fancied that large blear-eyed fish
were nosing around me and viewing me with
q wicked sneer. 1t seemed that i now had
fms and gills like the rest of them, but didn't
like these new acquisitions. My fins would
not work and the water instead of passing
through my gille would get down my throat
get the water to going through my gills In
/. more comfortable. The water, too, was
bitter and brackish was evidently making
fool of myself in my new role as a sea monster,
and wanted to be back on terra firma
t. can never forget the jeers OF the collection of
fish, whales and porpoises that had now as
sembled to see the fun. Here was, founder
ing and spluttering around while the por-
poses fairly tumble over each other In their
mirth. great google eyed fish would nip
my nose now and then with his saw-toothed
lips, then suddenly dart off and guy me-
couldn't defend myself for l hadn't yet
obtained control of my fins. | would forget
to work both sides at once and then while
1 would be giving my attention to my
fms | would allow large quantity of salt
e water to pass down my 8sophagus instead
of directing it through my gills | was
, nor mistaken in the impression that
| was swallowing the disagreeable liquid
for was awake spluttering and squirting sea
water all over the state room and Smith was
wanting to known what the bluly idiot was
IA inf fnp9 / hon 1aff fla