Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-03-22

on himself in two places. In other words,
every time he uncorked himself he corked
himself. He made enemies of half the
club, and went away feebly kicking himself
for being too fresh in his ex preston of
thought. 1 set everything right, however,
by telling my Justly celebrated niger story.
It was a great nit with everybody except
the man who told it to me, and who spoke
later on-or thought he did. But what
could he do without his niger story?
1 got the story at a cost Of about S3 20.
Dinner last night valued dat...............SS .SS 30
Two extra cigars brought hoshe........... ~
Total. .......................... % 10
Balance ahead. So.
November 12-Attended dinner given in
honor of another chump. 1 was invited to
be the life OF the party. Did not succeed
very we'll. Presiding officer very coaEsely
intimated that my speech was more fitting
for some other decade. No, said l. 1t tits
this decade very WE'LL and threw him the
left lobe of a canvasback's bosom that had
suffered some from the tooth of time. You
say my speech is decayedl So are your
victuals' 1 then took an ornamental tin
wedding cake from the center of the table
and went home.
Speech, ay......................... on % W
Dlnner. ...................'.''.Po oS oS
Bouquet. ............ 70
1lR cake. ......................... w ~
Out on whole thing. L 1"
November 15.-Just got home from large
dinner, where l was expected to swap 50
worth of bon homme for 20 cents worth of
consomme. I am away ahead. did not
have to speak. Other great men obliged,
and was not called on. I arranged that l
should be included in the list OF speakers
as it will appear in the morning in the
papers and then came away stealthily, con-
veying my dinner concealed in such way
as to elude observation. So far on this
season 1 am ahead.
Bon homme. so 90
ConSomme, etc.. ...V N
Two cigars extra. tra..................... oo ~
balance.........-.- --.................' w
November 16-As sit here disrobiug
before retire will write some more in my
diary. MY mirror still tells me that 1 am
strangely beautiful. Large, dark, lustrous
eyes, regarding each other pleasantly across
the bridge of clear-cut, aquiline nose, and
abundant eye winkers of some changing
shade fringethe bright pink lids and anon
kiss the massive cheeks below. Above,
like the long stretch of marble cemetery at
Pere la Cbaise. slumber the tresses of nv
late hair. Once it was flowing, but now it
is fed. Thus lar shalt thou come and no
farther, saith the broad plaza of bright and
well laundered scalp to the soft ginger col
ored lambrequin OF somewhat segregated
hair. And yet am popular and beloved.
Tonight sang song at dinner. 1t is not
often sing a song at table, but did this
evening. Some one asked me to do so. 1
escaped while they were searching the build
ing for this unknown man who asked me to
sing.
'It was one of the most disagreeable con-
tretemps 1 was ever at. A speech was
made during the evening by 3 man named
Simpson, sometimes called the Sockless
Cicero of the Unbroken Plains. He is
plain man, with an impediment in his syn
tax and mutton tallow on his boots. He
spoke briefly, lit the wrong end of his cigar.
seemed to be thoroughly in earnest; and