The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1891-04-17
HUMoR OF The DAT.

Always on time-His forelodk.
EARLY to bed and early to rise makes
little boys very tired.-Lts.
"What has been the greatest mistake
of your lifeG" Making so many
Puck.
"Do you play by notea" sNo," re.
piled the violin virtuoso; 81 play for
cash. PUCK.
|. Money is the root of all evil but the
need Of mofey Is the evil itself. = Binq.
hamton Leader. & N
Never Judge Q maa's mipd by the
-Boston T'uveusr.
The world never sits down twice on a
man who hos any point about him.
MilwaukeS Sentinel.
II you wish to be entertaining just
forget yourself long enough to talk to
somebody about himself. Me,os.
Friend-"Is the play go3" Budding
Dramatist (sadly)-'sYes, but I had hoped
it would he stay. American Grocer.
Alb, you do not know the anguish of
being cut by your best friend till you be-
gin to shave yourself.-Eimira Gazette.
Humor, q kindly little bes.
Makes Laughter sweet as honey;
While Wit Is like wasp, for he
Stings when he'd fain be funny.
The average man would sooner pay
dues at gymnasium than saw his own
wood for exercise. .--Mw Orleans Plea.
yane.
"What was that noise I heard in the
parlor last night, MariaS" sat was Will.
lam breaking his engagement. - Boston
Gazette.
medicine, said little girl to her
playmate, "is something that makes you
be careful not to catch cold again. -
Washington Post.
Passenger-"Which Of the fool que,-
tioas you hear every dag tires yoa tho
most2" Conductor-'tThat one. ."-Ln-
dianapolis Journal.
Upson Downes-"Say, old man, lend
me five until payday Rowne de
Observation-Disclosures payday, or the
day you'll pay me3"-Puch.
The oyster leads calm and placid life.
While he lives he is never known to get
shot" It's only after he dies that he
gets In ''stew. ."-Epo.h.
Professor-..Didnt + see you coming
out of saloon3Y. NINETY ty-fonr--"WelI,
sir, you wouldnt have me stay in one,
E99AA yg>e - y Rf11A9 : :
= sac .sssi q :is' - a. :aa6S orch. dlslSSH
in our church they never
go to sleep. - Chicago Times.
"Al!,s fair in loye;'' that is my creed;
Who doubts It Is q churl.
AUS fair In love; ah, yes, indsell-
Especially the girl.
Puck.
"Robbie," said the visitor, kindly,
"have you any little brothers and sis.
ters9" "No, "replies wee Robbie, SOL
emnly; "I'm all the children we've got"
-Bostonian.
"And suppose, like a brave soldier,
you followed your colors." eyes,
whenever there was a battle noticed
that the colors we're flying, so I flew,
too. ."-Bu6alo Express.
"Why won't you take Flickeles as
partncr2" s.My dear fellow, Flickeles
was engaged to my wife before / married
her. And would you have me take for
partner man who is cleyerer than IT.
Fiis0ends BIasttsr.
'---rnc- nhssa.--- "a NJ aSJ received
from his teacher a box on the ear, but
uudeservedly, for It was his neighbor
who had been out OF order. Snow,
teacher, /" he said, "you see that 1t was
not my fault. Don't forget to credit
me with that box on the ear, will you2"
--Fliegende Blaetter.
Detected Tramp-"Yes'm, I've had a
sad history. I've travelled this country
for years and years, homeless and hope.
less, in search of something fear II
would break my heart to find" Kind.
hearted Lady-':And what Is that, my
poor mani" Detected Tramp-"Work,
ma 'am. - Chicago Tribune.