The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1891-11-13
THE ARIZONA KICKER.


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terprising Editor.
WAETED.-The Kicker wants to engage
spirited and enterprising young man
who is not afraid Of WORK and is ambitious
to build himself up to act as collector.
We have about 5000 standing out, and will
furnish mule and two revolvers as an
outfit free of expense. The collector will
be allowed to retain halfef his collections.
We regard this as splendid opening for
some ambitious eastern man who wants to
work up in journalism. He will no doubt
be shot At fifty times for every hundred
dollars he collects. but if he's get the right
sort of sand he'll pull through and come
out On top Of the heap.
After we've given him dozen lessons on
getting the drop, and he's had a couple of
days acquaintance with our mule, we'll
back him to tackle any of our nonpaying
subscribers outside Of rifle pit. In case
Of death we guarantee fair to medium
funeral Apply at once.
AT 1T AGAIN.--As is well known to the
readers of The Kicker we have a private
graveyard with ten graves in it. The ten
graves represent ten different men who
were mistaken in sizing us up for an editor
without backbone. We did the fair thing
in each and every case-sending for the
coroner-buying coff1n-turning out the
boys in procession, and SO on. The average
cost has been twenty-seven dollars per
funeral, and that's rich for this locality.
Our contemporary, who has never shot
man, has been insanely jealous of our
plant" out on the sand lots, and on two
occasions before last night has been caught
in the act of trying to steal some of the
hao a or<yc r. x,fo ..l L.
own. At 10 O'Clock last night we received
word that he was out there again. We
mounted our mule and rode out. He had
just commenced operations. He had his
old mule hitched to the fence, and took the
alarm and mounted before we got up. We
run him seven miles, but his mule was the
faster and he got awsa-.
We want to be aeirhb orly as an editor,
but we also want this cid lop shouldered,
bow legged hyena TO thoroughly under
stand that he has at last made us tired.
and that any further fooling around on his
part will leave bis milk and water old sheet
without head.
1T WAS FAILURE.-We got sly hint
several days ago that the postmaster of this
town, whom we have had to shoot in three
different places within a year in order to
expedite the mail service and prevent him
from walking on us, had sent over to Tu-
bac to get man to do us up. The routine
OF getting out one of the biggest and
brightest weekly papers in America Sub
scr1ptlons payable in advance) went on
Just the same, however, and we didn't do
any private and confidential worrying.
All the forenoon yesterday we heard
some one hollering around the streets for
gore, and upon inquiry learned that it was
the man from Tubac He was reported as
being real, old fashioned terror from
Grizzly mountain, with his toe nails dyed
red and his eyes shining like two camp
fires, and that he was also looking for us.
We were never more calm or serene. We
sent out to our grave digger to excavate
another hole and wrote note to Steve
Williams, the undertaken, to varuish up
whitewood 2by 6and get the trimmings on.
1t was about o'clock In the afternoon
when we finished our editorial labors for
that day and started out for sauuter.
Just as we turned into Sioux place the
man from Tubao jumped out ON us from
doorway and started In to secure our
right ear as relic. We sat up with him
most of the night last night. One of the
bullets has been extracted, but the other
couldn't be reached with three foot stick.
Unless Inflammation sets in he will very
likely pull through. If he does he assures
us that he will be changed man.
He wouldn't exactly say that the post
master gave him fifty dollars to come over
and humble our proud editorial spirit, but
he said enough to satisfy us that we must
run over tomorrow and have another Pop
at our man. He's getting too coltish
again.-M. Quad in New York World.