Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-06-11
STUFFING AN AMERICAN

O1 " Il 4 AANO AAAN AhAA]AtA VA
Not long ago | met an American
gentleman who. in my hearing related
in detail an amusing, not to say curl
ous, experience he had been--l will not
say the victim, but the subject of As
It goes to show that the stuffing process,
as applied to unwilling foreigners, is
not altogether of American practice on
Englishmen, but that the boot may
sometimes be on the other leg, venture
to repeat his story.
] may premise by saying that the
gentleman alluded to is what you
might call a young man, being about
thirty, and possessed of a fair knowl
edge of the world and society, with a
backing of considerable private means
He is not in strictness of the term an
anglomaniac, as that nauseous creature
Is ordinarily classed; but he came over
supplied with letters of introduction to
several members of the nobility from
mutual friends in-no, | will not say
where he is from--and it was his aim
and object to meet and see as many Of
the big swells as he could during his
visit.
Unluckily he came at a bad time.
The London season was just over, and
his calls to present his letters in Gros
venor place, Belgrave square, Park
lane and Queens Gate were unfruitful.
His letters bore only the London ad
dresses of their intended recipients, and
he was not yet up in the way of reach
ing them by seeking their country ad
dress in the peerage or leaving the let
ters to be forwarded
Naturally Mr.. Pettigrew-such let
his name be-was disappointed. What
he had come to see was the British no
bility at home, and they were not at
home He had met few lords in New
York and Boston, and even out west
But it was at 'some other fellah's"
home. He had liked them at the other
fellows homes, and he looked forward
to increasing the attachment when he
met them at their own. 1t was too
bad to be thus thwarted after coming
80 far, and he was forever growing
about it and threatening to go home by
the next steamer.
These particulars were impaired to
me by friend of Pettigrew, after |
had heard him tell his experiences, |
may also add that it was in the Ameri |
can exchange, where was waiting with
a friend while he wrote letter. Petit
grew had begun when sat down, but
the thread of his narrative had not
been spun out too long to the little knot
of listeners who surrounded him to ,
:ause any tangle in seeking the ends.
II told him how disappointed | was
bout it, and that I'd mind to go :
traight back home by the next White ;
'tar boat, when he said; Why, pshaw :
u
'Ill bet small sized cooky he never =.
aid thatl" exclaimed a sallow faced
nan with gray mustache, taking his
:igar out OF his mouth TO expectorate
INTO the spittoon beside his chair.
'Perhaps I'm liarq' said Pettigrew
''No, don't say that" replied the
sallow faced man. Il"
'You'd better not, by -W re
torted Pettigrew, with an angry head !
shake.
II only say that no born Englishman
] ever met ever says Why, pshaw!
But proceed, Pettigrew."
'Lessee-where was I" began Petit |
grew, pulling out his under lip with his !
finger and thumb, "Ahl Why, pshaw
said Lord Smith,
'Ha, Ina, hal" laughed the colonel |
'Lord Smith That's good one /
Ha, ha, hal Lord Smith, eh2 Lord
Smith,
''Who's telling this storyl" asked
Pettigrew hoarsely.
Everybody said, That's all right, "
go ahead, Petty" or something to
that effect, while the colonel kept ON
chuckling and mutterlng to himself,
Lord Smith,
Why, pshaw, said Lord Smith,"
recommended Pettigrew with a deter
mined look at the colonel, ~ can
show you all the lords you want
dukes, barons, marquises, knights
(the colonel shook his head in silent
pity at the order Of this enumeration)
"'and earls. Just come with mo TO
morrow. Gone out OF town, indeed
Whoever could have told you such a
lief told him that many OF the sur
rounding circumstances corroborated
the statement; whereat he smiled gen
lily and said Well, come with me to
morrow, | say, and III show you all
the nobility you want, Meet mo at the
Metropole at IL, and l'lltake you where
you won't see anything else.
"'You amt going TO "A leyee or a
drawing roomr said |, because I've
got no court dress ready. "A leyeo or