The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-22
BRIGHT BITS.

IT is mere impudent vagary to talk of TAX
ing time by the forelock." In reality, we are
lucky If we can clutch him by the back hair
Puck,
DIRTLEIGH-Real estate is the only invest
ment after ali that man can depend upon.
Sodleigh--That's 80, old man. I've just
bought lot in the cemetery Washington
Star
$50 you've lost the lovely Miss Bullionp'
"Yes, sir. Itwas a cold day for me when her
father discovered was paying her attention."
IA cold day Why 4 heard that he fired you."
Nelc York sun.
"Do YOU think he really has any hone Of win
ming her against young Cadsleigh's money!"
20, no. 1 don't think he's in the race to win
He is merely playing himself for place. In
didndpolis Journal
MISS PHYs1cs-Dear Mr. Physiology. you re.
ing in your upper story.
Mr.. PhySiology-You occupy my upper story,
my dear Miss Physics. Rochester TGLismGn.
A sPIRITUALIsT ASKS: "Did you ever go into
a dark room where you could see nothing and
yet feel that there was something there?" Yes,
frequently, and the something unfortunately
CHANGED TO be a rocking chair. Yonker's States
man.
MOSES, JUNIoR-Fader, a shentleman in de
shop wants to know if dot all WOOL, non-shrink-
able shirt will shrink?
Moses, Senior-Does it fid himl
Moses, Junior-No Id is too big.
Moses, Senior-Yah, i'd will shrinkl-New York
Ledger.
''How many cigars do you smoke in days"
asked the physician.
about forty"
THAT will never do"
"But why not, doctor! am on the police
force, so you see they do not cost me anything.
Indianapolis Journal.
CrTIzEN-I hear Mr. Officeholder is dead.
Statesman-Yes. He died five minutes ago.
Citizen-I dislike to show any unseemy haste,
but desire to put in my application for APP
pointment as his successor.
Statesman-Walk into the other room and
take your place in the line.-Neto York Weekly
IT WAS only q newspaper story,
And yet. as l read 1t DER,
My eyes grew moist and heavy
AS they have not in years before.
1t was not the art of the writer
That on my heart-strings swept,
But the story, simple and tender,
Went to my heart. and l wept.
But when arrived at the ''flnis,"
1t caused my heart to ache.
And said bad words. for that tender tale
Was an advertising. fake"
America.
ELIMINATION A LA VALsE. "-She-But you
don't know my namel What have you put
down on your cuffg'
He-O, I've put down Pearl Necklace.
She-But there are lots of pearl necklaces
He-Yes; but I've also put down small and
rather Tight mean the necklace, you know
Punch
GILHooLY Indignantly Look here, MIR.
Schaumburg, this umbrella which bought
from you yesterday won't shut up.
Nose Schaumburg-Va have got to do init
all dose? Ven sold dot umprells it vas shut
up all ridght. Maybe you have made it open
already since done sold it to you Vat ish der
matter NIT you desc mornings, anyway ?-Te1as
Siftings.
RECRUITING OFFIcER-Brave Stump-Tailed
Dog, wouldn't you like to enlist in the United
States army!
nlustrious Warrior-Ugh! How much pay In
jun?
Thirteen dollars month"
"Heap plenty. What Injun have to doS'
Nothing but drill little occasionally put
up or take down a tent once in a while, and do
your own cooking now and then"
UGH Heap too plenty work. Injun got
squaws to do that. Injun stay right here and
draw rations. "-Cnica0o Tribune.