Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-01-10

anu lD0y udtc ulc 81, IAdt, give you
nv word, if were roasting in the lowest
would loan you fork to GO and see if
| was done. No, sir That's the kind
of citizens they are. But / notice
they come up pretty regular just the
same"
He flicked the ashes from his high
priced cigar into the fireplace with an
impressive gesture Then from his desk
he produced several letters and a large
book labelled ''iournal."
Here it is" he exclaimed, throwing
the book down on the table in front OF
me. "'Kicha1d Kerth's Ready Letter
Writer, or the Art of Holding up Your
Relations And here are sample re-
turns" he added, dropping the letter
on the table. "But you had better begin
at my end OF the transaction. Read in
copied there. | always copy 'em so as
to keep track of what I'm doing"
| opened the volume at the place
which he indicated and began to read
aloud: "'Hiram Griffin, Cleveland,
Ohio: My dear Uncle"
"My my mothers only brother" in
terpolated the scapegrace-"P resbyter-
lar elder-hardware merchant-moral
citizen"
| Tread on: ''tI suppose you will be
deyilish glad to learn that have at last
decided to turn my face homeward. /
am tired Of wandering, and it's ID
poor picking out here. | expect to
start in couple Of weeks, unless | hear
from you in the meantime. A lot of
California stock will be entered at the
Fall meeting at Cleveland, and think
can fix for both of us to get let in on
the ground floor, so that we can make
good thing out Of it. How are Bill and
Jimmy -"
civilian and James," said the black
sheep. rolling up his eyes; CHS sons,
whom he is bringing up in the way they
should go, pious youths of IS or there
abouts."
"I expect they would enjoy the
races and some Of life that [ could show
them. l plan to spend month in
Cleveland, and perhaps may locate
there. Some Of the fellows are making
up party to 60 to China. If had
couple of hundred more | would 90
with them, but have only just enough
to take me home. Your affectionate
nephew, Richard"
m"Cold chills ran down bis back when
"Here is his reply. He prays for the
check for $500. See? Read this next
one"
1t was addressed to rs. Van Doosan
Kerth, The Beauchamp, New York
CITY," and began: "Dear Uncle"
''Father's brother" the scapegrace
explained, ''old bachelor, great swell.
He never saw me, and has an idea that
I am very wild and woolly, like every
thing west of the Croton Aqueduct."
I read as follows: ''Dear Uncle, re-
spected brother ofmy parent take my
pen in hand to let you know that two
weeks from date | shall take the train
for your city, and shall visit you at the
Beauchamp House, where you are stay
ing. If you should happen to~be out of
town, [ will wait until you get back, for
hope to get job there. [ know you
will help me, as your brothers. son, to
get job. Perhaps MIR. Beauchamp
would like a man to carry trunks. |
know you will be glad to see me. If
could get into the grocery business here
[ would stay, and man | know of will
take me in for 5000. Please look for me
at the depot in the emigrant cars. Your
nephew, Richard
"Imagine Uncle Van Doosan reading
that epistle at his club" said the scape-
grace; 81 wonder it didn't give him a
stroke of apoplexy. However, it was
not the first of it's kind. He always
comes up. don't have to whistle twice
to him."
The next was addressed to "Mrs.
Elizabeth Pennington, Germantown,
Philadelphia.
evan Doosan's sister," said the scape-
grace; "they have quarreled and won't
compare notes. She is widow, with a
fine income and an elegant place. Two
lovely manageable daughters"
The letter set forth the intended visit
of Richard Kerth to the East, and his
plan to spend some time at German
town, at his aunt's residence, if she
wished it so; if not, with some friends
of his there by the name of 'Boggs.
There were various gallant references
to Mr.. Kerth's cousins, and a deli e
insinuation that ne would probably iall
in love with one of them during his
visit. There was also casual reference
to the sum of SloO.
'>hG was short this time" remarked
the w,iter of the letter aloud; "only
send a hundred. Strike her deeper
next time"
There were two more letters in the
batch--both to cousins living in Chicago.
They were full of mysterious hints
about good times to be enjoyed when
he should visit that city shortly. Each
demanded plain loan of fifty dollars
II send them to their houses" said
he, with villainous grin; "their wives
read 'em first. Good for fifty any
time"
l noticed that the book was written