The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-12-13
CLEVER PEN
WRITES AS BRIG HTLY AS EVER ON
LIFE III REV YORK.

Gets the Foot Ball Fever and Tells
Row Women Glost Over Their
Victories-The Woman Who ia Saoi.
tary-What Makes Pretty Women.
The Pousse Cafe Of Lifs-The Com
ing Chr.stmas-T ide-The Children at
Yule- Time-A Good Holiday Thought.
Copyright 1917
New York, Dec. 12-Don't you believe
in being young as loog as possiblei Don't
whenever you cant And don't you think
anything that will coaduce TO eternal youth
and much merriment is to be encouraged
l do. And that's the reason why, even IL |
am not in it and Of It, it doesn'5 trouble me
one bit when the college boys take the
town, and ars for the time being the heroes
of the hour.
A WOMAN CHASING SLEEP.
Personally never cared, until this year,
which side won, but this year had the de-
| light Of being a wild partisan-felt as IL |
had Alright in every one of those big fell
lows who kicked the ball, and was enthusi-
astic accordingly. / will tell you how it
happened. was chasing sleep around the
country che most difficult thing to find
when once you lose it), aud l drifted into
New Haven, having been told that the DIR
there tended 10 put lovely woman in the
arms Of Morpheus. without wishing to
seem improper, ! must add it is In his arms
that l yearned to be enshrined and In no
othersl. The college team were at that time
the idol OF the hour. The disease was 10y
atty and | caught it. became devoted to
the blue, aud every boy in that college who
could kick ball over a fence filed me with
envy and respect One can't help respecting
people for being able to do what one knows
one can't do ones self, and could not kick
ball IL the fate OF a nation depended on 1t.
SHE GETS THE FOOT BALL FEVER.
Thanksgiving day. when the rival teams
came to town, l strung a Yale flag on the
window, wore a Yale badge, and spent
the greater part of the afternoon 'twixt
hope and fear, although it seemed ridiculous
to me to even hint that my side wouldn't be
the winning one Then, when l saw the re-
suit, knew exactly what the harvest was,
gloated. Now, a woman gloating Is about
as aggravating a creature as can be
imagined she doesn't reason, she simply
triumphs. / adorned my badge with the
very best union jack had, and l talked
contemptuouslY about all the other colleges
WHEN PRETTY WOMAN GLoArs.
said 10 was pity Princeton couldn't get
up coiors Of its own, without stealing those
of Dublin University, of Lord Baltimore,
and of the pope; l casually remarked that
for hrst-class high school l could under
stand Columbia taking the color Of Cam
bridge, but that really anything which,
from its own belief, was predestined for a
college might have originated color. This
served the purpose of making both Colum-
bia and Princeton man mad. Then said
that 1t was a courtesy to call most of them
colleges, as didn't think there were but two
real ones in the country. Yale and Johns
Hopkins. This offended a Harvard man,
and made me feel that life was worth liv-
ing. l could understand exactly how these
boys wanted to 60 on the street and boiler"
For, If ithadn't been for my outlet Of nasty
speeches. even though | won, l should have
been very unhappy. AS IL was, felt about
16, and wished there was q college Fight
every day. l think we Americans don't
have enough to amuse us. The theaters are
packed full, and yet, that We do want some
thing TO keep us young and make us merry
Is proved by the fact that whenever there Is
@ match OF any sort between the colleges, all
the old college boys go to see 1T, to encour-
age the new ones, and to feel Themselves
boys again.
WOMEN CRY: THEY SHOULD YELL.
Did you ever think that there was an i'm
rnense relief in q yelll Well, there is.
There are times when you get so choked up
with pleasure, or with pain, that you SIM
ply want to stand up and ''holler. Women
usually take this feeling out in good cry,
but as a good cry reddens your eyes and
your nose. would advise the howl, as it is
sooner over. though 1t is painful while It
lasts; to the listeners, l mean, still ID 10 an
immense satisfaction.
THE WOMAN WHO IS SANITARY.
am led to say this by meeting woman
who tells you how to take care Of yourself,
sort Of general health-adviser, a walking
advertisements for the last patent medicine
and caricature In the way of
clothes. just now che is very sanitary on
account OF the trouble about the water and
the street being dug up. She thinks your
soul and body will be saved if you eat oat-
meal for breakfast and coarse brown bread,
with raisins In it for dinner. No place Is
too sacred for her TO criticise, and no hui
man being, to whom she can get near
enough, can count on being saved from her
suggestions. She wants you TO wear bag
manufactured by DR.. Pollywog to keep you
from getting the pneumonia. 1t may be
good, but it smells Ike the morgue and you
decline to have this addition to your toilet.
Ii she ever discovers You have rheumatism,
she wants you to eat fried chopped meat,
and drink hot water with IL, course of
feeding that would upset any welI-balenced
kOOuldC1s TOT uuu5INtdE sue uDQOiQS
sticky, vile-smelling flannel. made without
any regard to shape, and the more of it
you can get on and the clumser you lock
the more certain is she that your health will
be good.
She disapproves OF the most of the pleas.
ant things of life.
She Objects TO flowers in your room, and
she likewise objects to your seeing life
through thin rose-colored curtains, believ-
ing that those of a green shade are better
for your eyes. She does not approve of
your eating sweets; In. fact, she is bitterly
opposed to go9d cooking or good things Of
any sort. She Is most consummate donkey
aud the greatest nuisance that was ever
made. l cali her q woman because she
wears frock, but personally look at her
as the result OF the higher education for the
gentler sex, aud pray to be delivered from
her.
WHAT MAKES PRETTY WOMEN.
Good dinners, which include good break
fasts and luncheons, are as necessary TO
make pretty women and loving women as
are amiable men and handsome ones. TIE
prettiest girls in this country are the ones
who get the succulent terrapin, the rich
canvas back, the biggest oysters and the
highest of hot bread, and these are the Bal
Jimore girls who | am prepared to back for
Knowing bow to look pretty and love well.
Are there any takers? From the gentlemen,
whose first name I.hnve forgotten, but who
Is familiarly known as old "Ovid.n right
straight down to the Frenchman who has
I~.rN L. l..