The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-05-17

Men will believe because they love the lie
Probably Ny 0pn
cannot remember the first lie / ever
told. Since the recent injury to my head
by falling from a street car in New Or
leans my memory has been seriously af-
fected. Although my life has been at
least as merry as that of the average men,
Der of my profession it has been by no
means an easy one. Care and years have
left their marks, and feel that for me the
sands are almost run. Therefore / am
sure the public, to whose amusement
have so long been humble contributor,
will indulge the modest pride feel in the
following imperfect collection of the chill
dren of .ny brain.
My little fictions have always been of n
harmless nature. My object has been TO
amuse the public and also to gratify a
taste / have had for this kind of literature.
was fortunate in coming into the world
in the age of electricity and the telegraph.
My innocent creations were read from one
side of the country TO the other within
few hours after they saw the light, so that
it was not necessary for me 10 write
great novel IN book form TO attain the
fame of Sir Walter Scott, Charles Dickens
and other eminent producers of fiction.
The great newspapers and the United
name suddenly and prominently to the
front.
/ AM BORN LIAR.
think can say without Boosting that
| was a born liar. / remember, when a
boy at school away back in the hills of
Pennsylvania, | wrote up thrilling stage
robberies for the Pittsburg Leader. My
first great success was a apecial to the
Leader detailing the alleged robbery of a
stage coach between Waynesburg and
Jacksonville. / described the locality and
the scene infinitely, dwelt upon the terror
of the passengers, and told how one lady
had become a raving maniac. No real
names were given, consequently no one
was distressed except numerous reporters,
who rode forty miles back in the interior
from Pittsburg to get further particulars
of the bold crime. / continued to write
about Jacksonville or "Jacktown," as it is
locally called, describing it as modern
Sodom, until the good citizens held
mass meeting and denounced
the anonymous correspondent who
concealed his identity under the
nom de plume of ''Orange Blossom"
The Leader knew me by no other name for
three years, when it printed a request
that l make myself known, and / did so.
We had merry laugh over the event, and
| then wrote several stories for the paper
Many OF these were telegraphed to other
large papers and attracted general atten-
ton. In 1875 visited the tombs of Wash
Ington and Lincoln and, learning that the
remains of both were in an excellent state
of preservation, suggested that they be
taken to the Centennial exposition of 1876
and placed in an annex, where by charging
an admission fee of 30 cents enough money
could easily be raised to complete the then
unfinished Washington monument on
scale of grandeur far beyond the original
design. This proposition, which was in
tended as burlesque on the hardness of
those who projected the enterprise, was
much bitter controversy among them.
About that time a crematory was being
erected at Washington, Pa, some thirty
miles back from Pittsburg There was no
railroad to it and not much had been pub
lished about it. About week before the
furnace was completed | announced that
six bodies would be incinerated in it, and
as result host of reporters arrived from
the East to write up the event, Even the
Pittsburg papers were fooled. as there
was no telegraph station at Washington.
The reporters, of course, failed to get the
greal story they had expected, but they
saw the first crematory in the United
States and got good item anyhow.
They all enjoyed the joke, too, although
it had cost them trip of thirty miles
through the mud When the first crema-
ton really did take place, there were very
few reporters TO witness it, as most of
them looked upon the announcement as
another hoax. | wrote up several thrill
ing stories and located them in prominent
neighborhoods around Pittsburg. which
cost the reporters many vain searches for
particulars. One of the stories | wrote
for the Leader at this time had a wonder
full wedding for its subject. The scene was
laid in Australia, the land of gold the
brides dress was covered with diamonds
of colossal size and binding glory of lus-
ter; the streets Of the town in which the
ceremony was performed were carpeted
with flowers. and wealth was poured at
the brides feet in an unparalleled profus-
ion of wedding gifts.
FEW CAVE STORIES.
Many of these, as will be seen, were what
might be called plain lies. 1t was after
had breathed the air of Kentucky for
awhile that entered extensively into the
field of ornamental prevarication. / left
Pittshurg for Louisville in 1877, where
took the road for hardware house. Wis
tied some of the wonderful caves of that
state in the course of my travels and was
struck by the opportunities they offered.
wrote an account of wonderful cave said
10 have been discovered at Glasgow juno
ton. 1t was fourteen miles long and con-
tanned large, navigable river filled with
eyeleSs fish. There were inches in the
walls in which were found number of
mummies similar to those of the Egyptian
pyramids. | stated that a syndicate of
wealthy men had purchased the farm on
which the cave was found and that a
steamboat was 10 be built to navigate this
remarkable stream.
Z. II. Metz, who filed the double posi-
ton of postmaster and telegraph operator
at Glasgow junction, received over 100 tele-
grams making inquiries about the cave,
and the little postoffice had a perfect
snowstorm of letters on the same subject
With all the other work he had to do, life
was made n burden to him. The late
Frank Leslie wrote TO me for a sketch of
the town and pictures of the cave and its
wonders. With the assistance of a friend
who was quite clever with his pencil
promptly furnished both, together with an
article Of highly scientific tone infinitely
describing the topography of the surround
ing country. all of which was duly pub
lished in Frtak LeSlie's Eceklg.
Afterward | wrote stories about numer-
Gus other caves. One of these | located
near Hopkinsville. 1t contained an i'm
mense lake in which were a number of
strange, half-human hsh. These latter
were said to be mermaids. heretofore sup
posed 10 re fabulous, and my dispatch con-
tanned an account of the thrilling expert
ence of several prominent citizens who
had succeeded IN capturing one of them. l
gave the full name of each of the captors.
and added that the unique little creature
rapidly faded after being brought from its
subterranean home, and only survived its
captivity few days.
The great cave at Iitchield, reached By
q shaft extending 10 the level OF the sea