Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1891-04-09
{ BILL NYE ON SIMPSON.
The Noted HumOyisf Writes Up
Kansas Sockless Statesman.

Estacado Jesus de Fonseca, of
Conejos county, Colo, writes to
know '.Who is Jerry Simpson, the
newly elected statesman now In
Washington, and what are his quall-
fications as lawmaker?''
Jeremiah Simpson is the congress
man from the Seventh district of
Kansas. He is a native of New
Brunswick, and at fourteen years Of
age went to sea, where he became
a victim of the habit of going utter
ly without socks. He takes great
pride in his well turned mahogany
ankles and richly carved legs. At
full dress parties and receptions the
coming season he will offset the low
corsage of the finely formed Wash
ington bellies by wearing a pair of
high cut panties, revealing his well
groomed though still slightly chap
ped ankles.
He was mate of a large bark at the
age of twenty two years, and thir-
teen years ago left the sea to locate
place IN Kansas. The sockless Clc-
ero OF Kansas, as he is playfulTy
called, was largely in his later years
a fresh water sailor, and his last yes
sci was wrecked off Ludington, on
Lake Michigan, and all on board
were saved through the heroism of
the captain.
Captain Jerry Simpson Is now a
farmer, and it is said was elected
because he showed on the stump his
sockless condition, claiming that he
was so poor and honest that he could
not afford socks. His successor will
doubtless be plain man, who will
go about canvassing the Seventh dis
Nrict and wiping his nose on the top
rail of the fair ground fence because
he Is SO plain and poor that he can
not afford handkerchief.
Until last June Nj. Simpson was
the city marshal of Medicine Lodge.
He was up to that time regarded as
short on genius and long on socks.
Now it Is otherwise. Next to "Kreut-
zer Sonata and the young lady at
the Fourteenth street museum who
has heavy sorrel name down her
spinal column, the Sockless holds the
age on public notice.
Colonel Marsh Murdock was the
first to discover that Jerry did not
wear socks. The two went in swim
ming together during the campaign,
and then the secret got out. The
great Unsocked owns GAO acres of
land, which is all into wheat, or near
ly so at least.
He also owns several head of
bright young heifers, several of whom
will enter the milch arena this spring.
Mr. Simpson is the author of a small
blue book on 1.-THE Care of the Cow,
and Udder Information Generally"
1t is dedicated to Thomas Brewer
Peacock, thepoet of Topeka.
am indebted for most of the
above information to Mr.. Simpsons
Medicine Lodge bIographer and Chi
ropidist, who wishes me to say that
he treats all troubles of the feet,
such as corns, bunions and lngrow-
ing nails, chIlblains, quarter cracks,
etc., etc., by mail as we'll as person
ally. He has bust of Mr.. SImp-
sons foot at his place, and cheerful
ly answers all questions regarding
the great man.
Mr.. Simpson is the humorous feat
ure of the new and powerful move.
ment which seems to create general
mirth, but there is power and a
principle behind 1t all TO which 1t
will be profitable to pay attention.
1t may not win this time nor next
time, but when it does win the pro-
:essional politician will do well to
get into his cyclone cellar and spread
his umbrella.
go 5O0 Re7u0yd f0y n Inst G0f