The record-union., 1891-07-11
HOFFMAN'S FOURTH"
He Leads a Procession Down in
Ventura County.
The Barbecue VS.. Literary Exercises
-Maidenhood, Ice Cream and Mis-
cry Go Hand in Hand-Raising a
Purp.

-Matdenhood, Ice Cream and Mis-
cry Go Hand in Hand-Raising a
Purp.
Especial correspondence of REcoRD-UNIoN.l
The glorious Fourth is over, and am
very glad it is gone; also very sorry
tor one thing and another which I need
| not mention here. Sorrow always pur-
sues me. No matter how deeply plunge
into the swirling vortex OF society, Sor-
row is always behind me, and as soon as
| am out of the swim he gets me- fl go
into the gilded halls of fashion and for
little season indulge in memory-destroy-
ing hilarity, Ialways find Sorrow waiting
on the steps, hitching up his trousers and
ready for business, when ] come out.
| l celebrated the Fourth at Fillmore, in
| Ventura County. [ had been earnestly
requested by the California Society for
| the Prevention of Cruelty to Children to
deliver an oration at the Orphans Home,
San Francisco, but declined with thanks.
l also received an invitation from the
! Board Of Health OF Los Angeles to deliver
| speech in the pesthouse, but begged off.
| Chico citizens offered to pay my fare If
would go up and make q few remarks,
and the police and Fire Commissioners OF
Stockton tried very hard to induce me to
return to that city and crate for the bene-
ut of the INDECENT portion Of the popula-
| ton along the slough.
1t is to me a source of pleasure to OBJ
serve that since | first made my appear
ance as a Fourth Of July orator at Rat
tail Gulch, in 1887, my popularity has
| grown steadily. and it is a great pain to
n ba5
quests which | annually receive from
/ Fourth of July Committees all over the
! State Rattail Gulch has been trying to
! induce NE to return to that buStling camp
! in the SieTas again, but as l LETT it in
somewhat unSeemly way Immediately
after delivering my first oration, and was
compelled TO sit in the top Of Tree until
/ the enthusiasm Of the people, who were
| Scurrying around with muSkets, CLUBS,
| rocks and SO on, cooled down, | am some
what afraid to return while The memory Of
my speech remains in the mind of the
| oldest inhabitant.
The celebration at Fillmore was a very
grand affair indeed. l went early, riding
seven miles to the grounds on the tai!
! end of a header wagon. The other and
! less comfortable parts of the wagon were
covered with children who wore crowns
and sang The Little Busy Bee, ''We
! Love Our Teacher" and other patriotic
/
piercing the air of the calm and stiIly
morn, and filling nv heart with joylul
peace until it bubbled over and rained
! blessings upon the man or woman who
wrote The Little Busy Bee' and eve
! Love Our Teacher" l hope the authors
/ of those melodies are now enjoying the
/ ripe fruits OF an extremely salubrious
climate of which / wot not and never
viii.
Ifthere is anything which l do love it
! is to ride seven miles on the ragged edge
! of the tail-end of a header wagon while
! forty-three little maids from school sing
/ '"fhe, Busy Bee" and I'VE Love Our
/ Teacher
/ The celebration was held in a really
! beautiful little grove of oaks mile or so
| from the budding city of Fillmore. When
| arrived on the ground the orators,
gOddesses and the band had not vet ar
rived, and | amused myself by strolIing
hither and thither in a nonchalant man
ner, pricing the spoojallup and popcorn
ut the various refreshment stands, erst-
/ while and anon carelessly slipping the
| etferyescent biige water and chewing the
/ front end OF five-cent Havana in a
moditative, mysterious way which led
several people to remark that I was evi-
IDENTIFY famous French detective hunt
ing for the dastardly micrObe who ''pi-
zened' his mistress with q stew made of
toads' legs just before Napoleon made his
famous disappearance from France
At $3.50 the train from Ventura arrived.
and disgorged near the grove. The
Queen of the World, the Queen of the
| Republic, the Queen of the Pacific, the
Queen Of the Golden West. the Queen
| Bee and the Queen of Clubs We're led out
and saluted with bombs and iirccrackers
/ the eXcursionists piled ont with their
| lunch baskets and babies, the Ventura
Band crawled down from the top of the
/ .o 116 a
At the earnest request Of r. 2. Surdam.
who arranged the celebration and
Marion Cannon, State President of the
Farmers Alliance, l led the procession
as representative Of the press OF Califor-
! MIA, carrying a pencil made Of q redwood
fence post, sharpened at one end. and
wcll-thumbed copy of Baron Nun
Chausen.
Immediately behind me was the band.
playing spirited airs.
At the conclusion of our triumphal
march to the grove we were dismissed
by Mr.. Surdam, and / held a sort Of
open-alr leVee on the Speakers plat
form, shaking hands with those who ay-
proaced and chewing rag-weed tobacco
with considerable zest and fury.
made several new acquaintances in this
way, particularly the acquaintance of
Martin Cotiman, Chief of the Santa Paula
police department. Mr.. Coffnan and I
| became very thick, as the saving goes
and continued fast friends throughout
the day IN manner peculiarly sug-
gestive of Damon and Pythias lust after
the eampstew given by Damon.
At noon the literary exercises began,
and the people Immediately got up, as
usual, and went away to get whacll at
the barbecued meats. The readers, ora
tors, singers and queens had the platform
all TO themselves while the rabble was
gorging itself at the tables and under the
trees. Then, when the rabble was thor
oughly cloyed it came back just in time
TO hear the last of the oration, and inform
the orator and the rest that there was
nothing but few bones of the feast left.
The barbecue furnished much food for
deep and ponderous thought Sitting
crosS-legged III tho shade, with the wish
bone of n sheep in one hand and the Pope's
nose Of tender young fowl in the other.
| replenished my inner self in a leisI;rely
but graceful way, and watched the antics
OF the throng. One young man especi-
ally engaged my attention. He was very
much alone in all that crowd Nobody
owned him; nobody knew him; nobody
wanted him; nobody cared a tinker's
acqueduct for him. Oh. il was pitifuI
etc. But the young man was not SO fool
ish as he looked. he gat him stick and
speared into the pit, and transtixed a
huge chunk OF dripping flesh, and was
happy.
Then he was miserable again. He had
more meat than he wanted, and no one
but himself to eat it. With the meat
dangling from the end of his stick he
wandered from group to group, looking
with imploring eyes from face to face for
someone with whom he might share his
spoil before it spoiled. But the faces
were hard and cold. Some of them were
smeared with grease and gravy and sticks
and things, but not one face wore a smile
OF welcome. He wandered around and