The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-06-25
SOME HUMOROUS SETTINGS.
-. DEPARTMENT DEVOTED TO
iHE AMUSEMENT OF ALL.
Sne Knew Hfn--Llmherlip on Up
REPRESENTATIVES of the Pet Dog
Didn't'Meet ThenR--A Strong
Reaaan--Rapid Transit.
Saas Knew hFii,rr.


has been living; around in .yarions
boarding houses here until his reputa-
ton has beenfairly we'll established,
applied at'as'quiet place out on Mich
lgan avenAalast week for, o. stall and
feed.s
80" slapped THE woman, aeyou
want to trythis, one;. do vou?"
'T-thought;so,. madam he replied
meekly.
"And ifid1let you, come, you won't
reter' to 'othaeboard as shingle, will
you?"
"Certainlgynot,. mad,am- ann mot
in the ~.. s.-~rs.
Nor ''y!oa' WON'T say all the coffee
needs IS cream and sugar and coffee to
make it,ft,to drink?'' ~ ..
Madam, Il - ..
"Nor,you' WON'T say the butter is
seRvedrwith,a naz0r2''
IL assure you, mad"
"Nory you: won't say the chickens
growing in, the. eggs wake YOU everv
in, tune for hreakfast?7
"MY,dear mas"
'Nop,you' won't say the besfsteak
IS such: a tough it woulden't be re-
co SmaG IN d 5! soc1etty?'
"Nsmr YOU WON'T say the dessert is
a quarter section of the great Sahara?"
"Great Caesar, madam, l."
"Nor' YOU wont say we stand the
napk1nss up, in the corner between
mealsH!'" WA
"Madam,. ! nnust-"
"Nor' yoNn won't say I buy nv
asparagus by the cord and have It
saMedIin lengths to suit; nor that I
haye'tos rivet the clothes to the beds
tokeep tho bugs from dragging them
oHfto' their dens; nor that I clean nv
table cloths with sandpaper; nor that
my bread is so heavy that you can
hean'lt drop when you swallow it; nor
that l use my sugar to scour the
KNIVES and forks with before giving it
to, the guests; not that"
He threw up his hands in eloquent
appeal and the woman stopped for
an instant.
because, if you don't PROMISE y
she Went on, 81 won't let you board
here for 5000 a month in advance.
I've heard of you BEFORE" II "
1t took him fully fifteen minutes to
recover from her unexpected assault,
and then he abjectly promised every
thing, and she took him in.-Detroit
Free Press.
--s. .-,s Didn't Meet Them.
Mrs. Hayseed- "Did We see any yoi
them sharpers in the city?'' r =.
Mr.. Hayseed-''Not a one, Miranda,
not a one. But I met some old friends
1 never expected to see again. Do ye
remember old Mr.. Bigcrop? Well, !
met son Of his. Thought both THOSE
boys was dead an lynn out therein
the cemetery; bus this one said he was
snatched by grave robbers, and just
as they was sellan' his body to q anedi7
cal college he came to. Good enough
fer a book, Miranda, good enough fer
a book, and told him he ought to
write it, and he said he guessed he
would, and he'd dedicate the book; to
me as his fathers old friend. There's
one queer thing, Miranda. Thls MANS
hair is black, while the Bigcrop boys
had red HAIR, but he said, it turned
black fromfright. He's way>u in.s
ciety, Miranda, and introduced me. to
young me1s named Vanderbilt and AS
tor and Gould and Drexel and even. so
many nA9re. l tell yoHs. Miranda,
these yanng fellers spend money!
Some bills fer cigars and things came
in while. we was talking, hundreds O.
dollars$vorth, an they whipped out
the cash like a breeze, One. Of 'em
happened to run short, andso I lent
him alb [ had, but he said he'd send it
by express tomorrow. / tell YOU what,
Miranda, a smart man like me is Just
as safe in the city as in the. country"
Good News. '....
Utilities Of the Pet Dog.
~ havn't seen your pet dog for sew
eral days." said. q devoted husband
to,his wife
"kNo," she replied; 'ft}ae fact is, l
have given him away" ..
"Why, you needn't have done that.
I had no particular objection to him. "
ooh, l know that! But I thought
that it was not right for me to have a
pet dog about the house when l have
such a good, kind husband to lavish
my affections upon"
The husband sank into q chair with.
a deep sigh.
GLOW much do, you want, Mary?"
he asked as he drew his pursefrom his
pocket; sit can't be q sealskin jacket,
for the winter is over"
"No," she said, st is not a sealslAih
jacket, darlingS but I would really like,
a new silk for the spring, and YOU
know it has to- be bought and made
and all that"
ssNow," he, said, as he handad her
the money, "What proof OF yoar aztec,
tions will YOU give me when Yell want
another dress, since you have. given
away your dogs"
"Ohs." she sweetly replied, "I've CIV
en- the, dog to mJ sister, and | can get
him back again
Limbei..p on UrMpiring.