The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1891-07-17
OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE
TIE MAN WHO WAS ENGAGED ALL
HIS LIFE.

wen IaEO6 va All oS5
Never Learns to Go Alone.
ICopyright, 1891, by American Press Associa-
toni
We nave all read of the gentleman
who was engaged TO be married all his
life and died a bachelor, because, as he
stated in answer to inquiring friends. il
he should be married there would be no
where to go and spend the evening!
Now the question is, was this man
wiser than men in general, or was he
very foolish? Did he miss all the quiet
and coy delights of domestic life-some
body to fetch his slippers, and nurse his
grippe, and have a bright room and warm
welcome for him when he came home
from the office, and get only a whimsical.
idea in the place Of them, or did he es
cape all the fret and worry of too Close
propinquity, and the miserable feeling
of not being able to get away from what
one no longer wishes to retain?
Well, the answer to that query is, He
escaped the evils and did not attain the
blessings. Marriage may be counted as
either heaven or he'll, but betrothal Is
that between condition called purgatory,
and although one may be very much in
a hurry to get out Of purgatory into
heaven, one would be 10th TO exchange
it for hell. And that ugly word reminds
me of a remarkable book called Let
tiers from He'll, which l read many years
ago.
The view Of that place Of torment
which struck me most forcibly was the
enforced companionship with persons
you no longer loved, and the necessity
Of pursuing occupations once very alb
sorbing, but now odious. Does no that
description fit in with the idea Of an i'll
assorted union. and If that is really he'll,
do we not often see it begun upon earth.
And If this view is correct, Of course
the reverse should also be, and We should
see the other unions whose perfect har.
mony and bliss give an image Of heaven
on earth. No doubt there are such, but
l fear they are more rare, or at any rate
less conspicuous, than the other, and Ger.
tainly do not furnish as much material
for the pen Of the %satirist OF the pencil
of the caricaturist. Now, why is this?
Many persons. at least in our owl
country, marry for love, or at least from
a mutual fancy and sympathy which
they mistake for love. In many cases
the sympathy is not very deep, nor the
fancy very permanent, but at any rate
the two people really believe that mar
rage with each other Is going to lead &c
lifelong happiness-andit doesn't. Why:
Well, the great reason, it seems to
me, is because in small natures and
shallow hearts the only strong and en-
during love IS the love Of Self, and as
o as the outside fancies come in con-
fict with this real passion they go to the
wall. The man sees a pretty girl in the
freshness of her youth, and he wishes to
make her his own She is sprightly, full
of fun, makes every effort to be agreea-
bic and amusing, and he feels that her
society is a rest and refreshment after
the monotony Of business. Perhaps she
has or is to have some money, and this,
added to his own, will keep a comforta-
bic home, where he can be free from the
%annoyances Of a boarding house and the
ministrations OF a hundress.
Now all this, of course, is pure selfish
ness. The man has not once considered
the claims and rights and wishes of the
other party to the bargain, and when he
finds, as he will very soon after the wed
ding, that these are quite a. prominent
as his own, he is at first surprised, then
indignant, and in the end profoundly
dissatisfied.
For the bride may be, in her fashion,
quite as selfish as her groom. She has
married to gain independence and a freer
use of money; to have the position and
dignity of a married woman; to avoid
being an old maid, even for the sake of
a smart wedding, a paragraph in the
newspaper, new Clothes and wedding
presents; a year later the clothes are out
of fashion, the presents an old story, she
doesn't find that she has any more, if as
much, independence and freedom as she
enjoyed while a girl, and her husband is
far more requiring than her father and
mother used to be.
So the poor little veneer of mutual
fancy and sympathy they dignified by
the name of love is worn off, the I'M
shaken selfshness of both man and wom-
an comes boldly to the front, and the
man ~cynically declares that marriage is
a mistake and divorce a happy thought,
while his wife shakes her head and
gloomily advises her young friends to
know when they're well off, and not be
in too great a hurry to get married.
/ don't know that We can say marriage
destroyed the love in such a union, for
love worth speaking Of never existed.
but certainly marriage dispelled the de-
fusion that there was my love, and the
p~retence soon yanishes.
Look at a higher and happier class of
marriages; take one where both parties
really wish and intend to make the other
happy, to make sacrifices, and to study
the habits, tastes and wishes Of that
other; where there is, to begin with, a
strong affection and the capacity for yet
deeper love. Such a couple marry and
make their vows in tones and with looks
into each others eyes that prove to those
who look and listen that here is a true
love marriage, with every prospect of
happiness and constancy.
A few years pass and how do you find
the welded lovers She has grown
rather stout, is fond of her dinner, talks
about her children, and does not turn
her head TO look when her husband
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