The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1891-04-02
MISCELLANEOUS.

MISCELLANEOUS.
I'm 1913 Vasco Nunez de Balboa
crossed the Isthmus of Panama, and
discovered the Pacific ocean at the west
!, of America.
mic boy, who has just learned to write
started to keep diary this year. His
first entry was: Got up at seven. Had
my neck washed. IN. Y. Sun.
Tween Grins and Grunts.-Mrs
Laffagen- Preaching after the unat-
tainable, dear?" Mr.. Laffagen-"It ap-
pears SO. l can't seem to reach the end
of the broken suspender under the back
of my waistcoat."
Mrs. Jones-''Don't forget those
things, and by the way, George, we are
to have mother for dinner to-day"
Mr.. Jones-''Well, hope she will come
on the table baked done, and the head
off. National Weekly.
Marriage Broker-':There is the
picture of Miss Perlstone. What do you
think of her?' Customer-"H'm m, must
say it all depends on the size of her
marriage portion whether her cheeks
are fallen in or are merely overgrown
, dimples "-Fliegende Blaetter
She - ''That's a curious match
Charlie Pigott is about to make They
say the girl is regular tomboy-climbs
trees, and all that sort of thing" He
''Humph! That's why he likes her.
His rooms are on the fifth floor no
elevator. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Handy All Around.-''If l marry
Miss Bond" observed Lummix, ''people
| will say am after her money. You
see am literally handicapped by her
fortune" eff you can get the girl you
ought not to mind the handicap re-
piled Sl1imgullet. You'd find her for
tune handy for bonnets, too."-Inter
! Ocean.
A Sensible Merchant.-Brown Ito
his Office boy)-'All ready to close up
for the night?'' Office Boy-"Yes, SIR
Brown-''Is the safe locked?" Office
Boy-"Yes, sir" Brown-''Then, I'M
lock it. There's just fifty cents worth
of postage stamps inside, and 1 don't
want some burglar to come and ruin a
$3.50 safe to get at them. Light.
Faithful Unto Death.-A Syracuse
street car horse which got into the
habit of kicking was tied in stall and
a bag arranged for him to practice on.
He began at seven in the morning and
kicked until 1885 without let up. and
then broken-hearted and disguised with
mans ways, he fell on his side and
yielded up his life.-Detroit Free Press.
Not the.Kind of Tip He Wanted
Crusty (from the rural district -''What
We pokin' yer hand at me for?'' Waiter
-''Yer fo'got something, sah." Crusty
-"No, hain't, guess. You're waitin'
please, sah.'' Crusty-''Waal, here's a
straight one. Yer keep on waitin' an
you'll be gray long fore you're rich.''-
Chicago Times.
| When a Chinaman desires to return
to his native land from this country, he
cunningly takes advantage of the ex-
clusion act He quietly makes his way
to the Mexican line, and boldly crosses
back to the territory of Uncle Sam. as
if he were a recently arrived emigrant
The United States officials arrest him,
/
at the expense of this government.
! Six elephants were seized the other
evening in circus at Amiens, by a
sheritf's officer who had warrant
against their proprietor. The repre-
sentative of the law and his men are re-
ported to have acted with great pru-
dence, showing a certain dittidence at
first in approaching the pachyderms
who were probably hourishing their
trunks in defiance of the writs- At last
a move was made by the process-serv-
ers, and the ''Jumbos'' were led out of
the circus quietly and impounded.
-Talleyrand was sent on diplomatic
mission to London, to conclude an ALI
ance between France and England
But while the negotiations were pend
ing, news came that Louis the Four
teentE had been deposed. NJ. de Tai
leyrand's mission was at an end. He
had not been very favorably received.
The queen had turned her back on him
when presented at st. James. ''She
did right said Talleyrand, afterwards:
her ma jesty is very ugly
| The Island of Juan Fernandez, once
inhabited by Robinson Crusoe, is now
tenanted bya former Austrian officer,
Baron Won Rodth, who, after being
| forced by the terrible wounds which he
received at the battle of Sa1owa in 1856
to leave the army. grew tired of the
monotony of existence in civilized Eu-
rope, and determined to devote his for
tune to life of adventure. For fifteen
years past he has been living on the
| Island of Juan Fernandez with small
colony of natives and of European de-
serters from civilization, and only com
nunicating with the world once year,
when he sends his fine sailing yacht to
Valparaiso for provisions and supplies.
| To the farmer boy who has never
seen a horse cleaned except by hand
with the good old currycomb and brush,
it would be quite a sight to visit some
| of the large city barns of the American
car or express companies, or large livery
| establishments, and see the horses
| cleaned by steam. so to speak. Should
! he visit the Palmer House livery stables,
Chicago. he might see any day horse
undergoing his toilet-in stable par
lance, ''gettin' cleaned and cnrried."
| In exactly forty seconds the animal is
turned over to his keeper as bright as a
new pin, not a speck of dirt nor a turned
hair to be seen on his sleek. shiny coat.
! In two hours time no less than one
hundred and fifty horses, big and little,
| receive their daily clean up, and are
made ready to prance out into society.
A Well-Matched Couple.
! A convict at French penal settle
ment, who was un ergoing life sem
tence, desired to marry a female con-