Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-09-10

IT is estimated that lightning has an
energy of 1884, 1872 horsepower. This
is the common, every-sultry-summer-
day lightning, not the Jersey variety,
the energy of which is held to be be-
yond calculation.
A KANSAS CRY editor sadly OBJ
serves: @The mistake of which nature
was guilty when she created the null
berry was in making it too sweet for
pies" How about the creation of the
man who invented pies?
AN English scientist has invented 4
machine which makes the footsteps of
. fly distinctly audible. Encouraged
by this triumph, he is now engaged
upon a device for making visible the
point of an English joke.
HENRY HART, of New York, who is
reputed to be worth $50, 900, 900. is a
bachelor of 80. He ought to be
ashamed of himself. 1t is to be hoped
that at least he has some charming
nieces who will make his money fly.
TIE number of American tourists in
Italy has fallen off greatly this year
on account of the diplomatic troubles
between the United States and that
country. The hotel-keepers are incon-
solable. The Americans were their
choicest victims.
WHEN a man removes to another
town, and comes back saying that his
health was not good there, people al
ways have a suspicion that it was his
prospects instead of his health. When
3 man is making money, he has to be-
come very sick before he decides that
he needs a change of climate.
GEN. ScHoFIELD's daughter is said to
have brought about the marriage of
her father with Miss Kilbourne. Match
making daughters are decidedly novel
persons; but when Cupid and Hymen
go into secret conference it generally
results in some queer and wholly I'M
accountable doings among US mortals.
A BosToN wife boasts that, after
years of marriage, her husband kisses
her five times day; whereupon Chi
cago paper retorts that there is a lady
out there who has been married
more than ten years, and another wo-
mans husband kisses her twenty times
a day. There is no use trying to beat
Chicago.
THE Western Springs faith-curists
have given it out that people under
going the -things-not-
seen" treatment must abstain from eat
ing pork 1t is plainly apparent that
these Western Springs eradicators of
the ills that affect mankind are not
catering for Chicago trade and popu-
-larity at all.
IT is to be hoped that the enthusiasts
tic poet, Elaine GOoda1e, who has re-
Gently married an Indian, will have
better fortune than Mrs. Chaska, who
preceded her IN the experiment and
now seeks divorce. The former, how
ever, married an educated Sioux and
the latter a chief who was little above
the average of his race.
IT is all very well for the telegraph
to report that strikers throw petards"
In the streets of Bordeaux, but really
the editors of leading New York dailies
should look out in the dictionary
word which they do not understand
before allowing it to go into print.
Had they done so the word petard
might have been changed to bomb or
grenade.
TIE Portuguese are coolly discuss
ing the proposition to sell their col
onies, or permit their exploitation by
companies. 1t is possible that the
idea was suggested by clever English
men, who, noticing the serious inan-
cial straits of Portugal, concluded that
her statesmen might like to bridge
over difficulties by selling colonies
which after all are more q source of
trouble than profit to the mother
country.
A SUDDEN wave of intemperance
among the school boys of Philadelphia
has resulted in startling discovery
1t Is said to be due to the statement in
the temperance textbooks that a small
quantity of liquor makes a man lively
and gay. When the boys read this
they began to experiment little. The
temperance people have decided to
have their books revised.
A MAN at Downs, Kan, has really
either fatally or very seriously injured
a baseball umpire whose decisions did
not meet his approval. So it is that
modest merit finds its reward. The
newspaper humnrists of this country
have been talking of such possibility
for many years, but because they were
humorists, no one thought there could
be anything serious in it.
VALoR in women IS appreciated in
England The wife of one of the VIC
Tins of the Manipur massacre, who
displayed such conspicuous bravery
during the British retreat and In the
many skirmishes that followed. has
Peea Literally penai0ned and also been