River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-31
PrTH AND POINT.

-"liow do you treat a headache?"
Politely. ! just sit still and let it
ache Lowell Citizen.
"A new paper has been started called
The National Barber. 1t is expected to
remove dandruff and fill want long
felt, if it does not die Pieayune.
He calls his girl his little lamb
And there the variance lies
She must be more mature because
At him she casts Sleeps eyes
N. Y. Herald
Robert, dear, how do you suppose
those dozens and dozens of empty bot
ties ever got into the cellar?' ''Why.
! don't know, my dear. never bought
an empty bottle in my life. brooklyn
Life.
Men and Money. Money talks, :"
remarked the rich Mr.. Smartellique to
a young woman late one evening. ut
goes sometimes, too" she replied, and
he didn't understand. Detroit Free
| Press.
-Fowler-'Don't you think that was
la finished performance Miss Bonchia
gave us last night?" Growler-"At
last. yes. and | want You 10 know that
was mighty glad when it was. "-Bos-
| ton Courier.
| Carrie George has asked me tc
/ be his wife. ! hope he loves me You
/ don't suppose he wants me only for my
money!" Kate don't know. but
some men will do anything for money"
Boston Transcript.
4 n. 4
'1s it true that Mrs. nenpecx rules her
husband with rod of iron?" Miss
! Snyder-'I guess SO. j saw her last
night chasing him with the poker
Demorest's Magazine.
Justice Coonby (wrathfullyl- "Sah,
do you tink you kin teach de law to dis
court?" Lawyer Blackstone with EN-
| phasis)-''I yain't tryin' TO, yo honah:
Is only rejucin' it to words OBJ one syl-
liable. "-IIarper's Bazaar.
Young Crimsonbeal-''Wha kind
OF mattress is that ! sleep on?'
Boarding-IIouse NIistress-"It was
bought for a hair mattress; and good
one. too" "Well. it must be getting
bald-headed. Workers Statesman.
"A pocket in vein of quartz in the
Black Hills in two days yielded tive
| thousand dollars in gold. Such pocket
would be very desirable in winter
overcoat, but the tailors don't seem &c
| be in the right vein. Lowell Courier.
-Outstripped the Sun.-Tomson-
"You say YOU started at half-past sew
en-" Callahan-''Gis sor." fomson-
/ And it is now only SEVENTH enty-tive.
You have arrived before you started
Callahan-"Yis, sor hurried. -
| Yankee Blade.
-"She is largely indebted TO me-
said the delighted opera composer, as
| the fair prima donna began one of his
| favorite trills. II don't see how you
can say so,' reioined his friend; isn't
she at this very moment holding your
! Baltimore American.
Mr. sWickwire-''Isn't this society
reporter mistaken in speaking of Mrs.
J. Ellington Belts, Jr.?' ] didn't know
there was any junior Belts" Mrs
Wicllwire-''That is just a notion OF
hers. She is his second. lie still pays
alimony to the first one. indianapolis
/ Journal.
Made Him Sick.-Doctor ton ocear
| steamerl-.'Yo turn has come, | see.
sir. Allow me to- Sea-sick Passen
ger ian old bachelor)-"N-o, no, doc
tor lit will soon pass off 1t ism
ea-sea-sickness. | looked too long al
those-those bridal couples. '-Demor
est's Magazine.
The Modern Notion.-New Yorker
! (gladlyl-"My dear. my salary ha:
been raised to twenty thousand dol
lars" His Wife (ecstatically)-''lsn''
/ that grand. Now we can afford TO give
up this unstylish house and old-fash
/ ioned garden, and live in fiat. Dem
orest's Magazine.
His Mother Cooked It.-Youna
Wife Charlie, your mother came il
! this morning and while she was her,
she made pudding" IIusband-"Dit
| she? "rll have piece, please" Wifi,
oh, that isn't it. That is one
cooked" Husband 'Oh-ah-a piec,
of pie, please. Yankee Blade.
The Proof of It.-Tomsen-"Th
editor of the Moon is not fitted to per
form the duties of his position" vii
SOM must beg to differ with you
Tomson." Tomson-'I know whereo,
| ] speak. He accepted one of my poems
| once, and" Wilson-"Oh. he did.
Then guess you have the best of the
argument Yankee Blade.
Hattie - "What was that horriG
| Mrs. Burns saying about me? Some.
thing hateful, I'll he bound" Matte
-"She said you were a perfect fright,
dear: but gave her a rebulSe she won't
forget in hurry" IIattie-''Why,
what did you say?" Mattie-'I told
/ her there was no such thing as perfec-
| ton in this world. Boston Tran