Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1891-08-20
REUBEN's OLD DAD.
He Almost Lifted the State Of Ten-y
neSSee.

SOU OIL aG IL Sillttll IdllrOdU SUttUlCn
in Tennessee to find acrowd in front of
a saloon, and as l began inquiring the
cause OF the excitement a young man
OF 20 turned and replied:
stranger, kin tell ye all about it.
Do you want to see the corpse?"
"Then some one is dead?"
Dead as a coon track, and it's my
old dad at that!'
"Been a row here?"
"Not bit OF it. Dad jest made a
fule OF hisself. He's in thar waiting fur
a cart to take hisself home to be laid
out and buried"
"Never seed nuthin to ekul it in all
my BON days!' said man in the
crowd.
81 was right yere, or wouldn't hev
sniggered to it, no how" added Sc
cond.
at was Jest this way, stranger, :"
continued the son as hepicked q silver
off pine box and began to whittle at
it with II spring back jack-knife. dad
an me comes down yere this mawnin'
to buy a mewel. Dad was powerful
frisky all the way down, and he seq
to me, sez he:
"'Reube, ! kin out-walk, out-run,
out-shute, out-holer and out-lick
anythin' on top OF this yere airth's
surface and I'll bet our farm again q
drink OF Nashville whisky on it!'"
81 sees dad was purity chucky, and
| seq to him. seq, |:
"Dad, you's top OF the heap around
yere, and nobody kin deny, but doan'
you go and meet up with no fight in
town. We's arter a mewl. we is, and
wedoan' want no iussin' nornuthin'. -"
''And with that dad jumps TO- feet
high and cracks his heels together and
whoops out that he's b ar traps, pizen,
powder and catamount, all billed
down into one, and that he's danger
Gus if anybody goes to pick up his
hind foot.'
"Yaas, and I hears him holler when
he's a mile away" said one OF the
crowd.
"Oi co'se you did," replied Reuben,
'of co Sc. Dad was powerful on the
holler He'd holer b ar out'n tree
hall mile away. When we got down
yere thar was a Teller from Memphis
with a patent liftin' masheen a-stand-
in right yere. That's the pieces of it
agin the fence while the teller hisself is
ten miles away and still runnin'.
But twasn't his fault" protested
man on muleback.
81 amt sayin' as 'twas,' placidly
answered Reuben. "I'm a-sayin' as
dad got MIXED up and made q fule OF
hisself. No sooner had he sot eyes on
the masheen than he cracked his heels
together and crows like a rooster and
sez to me, SEE he:
'Reube, kin pull the hull burned
state OF Tennessee right up by the
roots ii kin git a brace fur my feet,
and Pm a-goin' to try it,
II tried to shy him off by talkin'
mewl, but dad was powerful sot in his
ways. and he crows some more and
hollers:
"Whoop-whoopee. Lemme get
hold OF them ere handles, and all yous
who don't want to tip over when the
alrth comes up had better hang to tht
fences. Reube. stand back and gimme
room"
"Yaas, heard him say them re.
marks put in one OF the crowd.
500 l." added half dozen others.
"Of cose he said 'em," continued
Reuben-''of co'se, Nobody's denyin'
that he said 'em. Dad Just fingered
on pullin' most of this we're airth upl
as easy as you kin lift the top crust
OF a pie. He spit on his hands, grab
bed them ere handles, and when he
Strengthened up lest felt the ground
trembling all around
sod II called seven or eight voices
in chorus.
dad had one side OF the hull county
lifted up two foot higher. when there
was rip and smash-tnem handles |
tore out. the masheen flew to pieces
and the airth sunk back with chugg.
which made us dizzy"
''Then Your father had broken a |
blood vessel or something OF that
sort?' l queried.
'Skeercely, stranger skeercely. |
Dad want no man to stop at one
blood vessel. He Jest busted himself
all to pieces and was 2oner afore we
could reach him. might say he sort |
O. run together and caked. He was
six feet high when he grabbed them
handles. and now you can't make him
over four feet ten as he lies in thar on
a board. jest pulled his knees up and
his shoulders down, and reckon his
lungs would hold his galluses up if |
thar was any buttons on EN-. The |
man who owned the masheen wasn't
to bame-of co'se he WASH but |
when he seed the calamity he started
for Knoxville on the jump. and he was
iumpin' when he turned the co'ner of
the hill up thar! Dad'sin yere stranger.
Come and take look. Mighty good
man. dad was, but leetle too coltish
when he had about TO drinks OF APP
pleiaek under his shirt bosom. Crowd
back thar. boys, and make room.
Doan' act like you never dun met up
with a calamitous spectacle before =
n. Y. World.
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