The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-11-19
''THIs ERE GENT PAYS THE BILL"

THIS ERE GENT PAYS THE BILL"
look as grand as If he had builders
lien on the universe"
"A real sure enough actor?"
well it will look one to the audi
ence."
Smoking real Havana cigar?"
That's the way it will look from tho
orchestra. All at once they will disap-
pear, like the haprv neasapts in the
comic opera, and then comes the tragic
part"
"What's that?"
"Ex-Aldcrman Pilfer robbed by two
thieves, real graduates from Sing Sing.
The ex-boodlcr, who will be represented
by real boodler recently returned
from Canada. and who has been drink
ing, leans on the railing around Wash's
statue and says: Sure, he was great
and a good man. Then the ex-convicts
hit him dull, sickening whacks with
stuffed clubs and tug ut his watch.
just at this crisis the hero, Harry Van
derhyde. who will be impersonated by
some such high-priccd pugilist as Kill
rain or Slavin, will come out to the res
cue of the Doodle alderman. The hero
will wrap one of the highwaymen
around q lamp post, and fight three
rounds, Marquis Of Queensberry rules,
with the other, whom he finally knocks
out to slow music"
"kersikes, you are a genius. Your
fortune is made" exclaimed.
waiter, nuzzer bottle of wine," ex-
nj al r. q u
My friend, who had imbibed more
than his share of wine, became triflc
incoherent, but he went on to explain
that either the hero, or ex-boodler, or
one Of the convicts who had been
slugged sings a comic song. The po-
liceman reappears now the fight is
over. SO does the dago fruit seller and
the real ladies. Moreover, real Fourth
avenue car with real driver and conduc-
tor and horses drives up. the car filled
with soubrettes, wearing abbreviated
costumes, who are going home from
theater on the Bowery.
Their costumes, like that Of a Chey-
enne bride. consist principally of
broad grin ana few streaks of red
paint. They dance and join in the cho-
rus Of the comic song, which is full of
local hits about the unclaimed streets,
the police and other local nuisances,
each verse ending:
''But, of course. it couldn't occur in
New York"
But all this never happens in real
life" remarked, deprccatingly.
Don't make diff OBJ difference" said
Kersikcs, in husky voice, 'thatsh
what takes in other plays. Everybody
sigsh and dances in the hoshpitals, on
battle field, everywhere. Mush cater to
popular taste"
Being unwilling to trespass any
more on my friends hospitality l
started to leave, Mr.. Kersikes remark
ing to the barkeeper: 20 shay. Charlie,
them's smine!"
Not this trip, Mr.. Kersikes," replied
the barkeeper coming out from behind
the bar with an army-sized bungstarter
in his hand. Mr.. Kersikes' assertion
that | was his personal friend and "All
ri'h" seemed to impress the barLceper
unfavorably, for shook the bungstarter
under my nose and said with hoarse,
insolent glare in his tone of voice:
This ere gent pays eleven dollars
and quarter, or there is going to be
call for an ambulance. See!'
The matter was finally settled with
out detrimcnt to the honor of either
party, and l escaped like bird from
the hands Of the fowler; but am feel
ing far from well, and have been
obliged to cancel my subscription to the
Grant monument fund, and the moral of
it all is-'steer clear Of the iaeLriate wAo
has little scheme"
Az q