Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-12-26
The Arizona Kicker.

from tne New nOrk WOfld.
VIZ MEAN BUsIsEss.-Our contemporary
came out last week and laid claim to bona
fide circulation of 1900 copies. We are will
ing that he shall do reasonable amount of
lying, but such stupendous classifying must
cease.
Wen bet 800 to 900 that he hasn't got I, 900
circulation.
Well bet 800 to s25 that he hasn't got 500.
Well bet 500 to a cent that his actual cir
culation, counting in all dead heads, is not over
$780,
Further. we'll give him our check for 800 if
he dares take advantage OF any of the above OPP
portunities to make more money than he has
seen for twenty years before.
OF CoURsE.-A Massachusetts subscriber to
the Kicker writes to ask if there are any
churches in this locality. Does he imagine
US to belong to the Cannibal Islands? OF
course there are. That is, there is one around
somewhere. and we've heard talk OF another,
II the writer had read his copy of the Kicker
as closely as he ought he would have remem-
bered the case where Shorty Pete sat on the
church steps and put bullet through Hank
Jacksons nose thirty yards away. Churches !!
We should smile Services have not been held
very regularly since the old man Davis got
drunk and spent one whole night breaking out
| the windows but the boys are liable to catch a
preacher most any day and put him at work.
yesterday to the effect that we had finally killed
Mr.. Wanamaker's postmaster in this town must
have been started to affect prices the m ulo
| market. There was not the least bit of truth
in it. There isn't the slightest excuse for his
hving but We suppose he will continue to do
so in order to spite the 60, OO0, 900 inhabitants
Of the United States. We can't see any other
object.
While on this subject it may be we'll for us to
remark that we shall visit the postmaster to-
m To yuhtr
days for copy of the Kicker to get down the
road twelve miles. He'll fly mad as usual and
will quite likely attempt to draw his gun on u.s.
| II he does We shall very likely decide to kill
him and have done with it. Everybody says
We have delayed the matter altogether too long
for the good of the Post Office Department
No SToP.-We understand that Col Smiley
who has been down on the Kicker ever since we
showed that the capital aud assets of THE
Great Arizona Land Company" consisted solely
| of two acres OF sand and pair of long-legged
boots, spent more than two hours the other day
trying to get Jim Taylor to stop his subscrip-
ton to this paper. The object was to make us
feel bad. but il didn't work. jim not only dotes
| on the Kicker, but can't hardly wait for publ
cation day to come around. Besides he tried
| 1t on US last summer, and how did he come
out 1t took us half day to find him. but af-
ter he was found it didn't take him two min
utes to subscribe again. We don't compel a
man to subscribe, but after he's become a sub
eSbiDtE ne SOt W nave mighty ROOU reasons
| for throwing up his hand. Indeed, he's got to
own u mule which can outrun ours,
RErRAcfIos.-The policy Of the Kicker since
the first issue has been to state things fairly
| and truthfully, and whenever We have discov-
| cred that published item has done any one
| injustice We have not been slow to follow it
with an explanation perfectly satisfactory to
| the party aggrieyed. Last week we had a local
| item to the effect that some miserable wretch
| had robbed Major Smiths clothesline OF four
would speedily be caught and given dance on
the head Of a barrel
| 1t seems that VIC were mistaken and the major
feels that he has been placed in false position
to the public. The fact is, as he wishes us to
| state. he does not own four shirts, but only
| two, and neither Of these is a white one. They
| are old, blue flannel shirts, much the worse for
wear. What was really stolen was Navajo
blanket, and we are glad to make this retrac-
ton and set the major right before this COM
| munity.
| Our CHRISTMAS IssuE.--No newspaper pub
iished within 800 miles Of this town has ever
| attempted the feat of getting out special
Christmas issue. The Kicker proposes to pro-
duce something worthy Of its large and re-
| spectacle clientage. II will be a sixteen-page
paper, profusely illustrated, and among the
good things 1t will contain we may enumerate:
sketch giving particulars Of the last twelve
murders in Arizona. Very blooded article.
An article describing how Indians scalp their
| to read ID.
| A two-column sketch, entitled men Have
| shot" Gives names Of q score of men and
relates full particulars of the death OF each.
The reader will instinctiyely reach around for
his gun as he peruses this truthful sketch.
"A very racy and entertaining sketch, entitled
'Fourteen Cases Of Lynch Law" This ia by a
man who always furnished the barrels for the
victim to stand on, and he Knows whereof he
| writes. You can feel the barrel wobble ~ you
| read.
Another special feature will be an illustrated
sketch, entitled The Stages Have Held Up"
This is by = genuine road agent, who expert
| enced religion, quit the business and 10 now
sticking type in this Office. We hadn't read the
| thor our watch and wallet and held up our
hands.