Connecticut western news., 1891-06-03

ms own canLeen put those or 1QOSI or Q1S aids. The consequence ewas-morhfying, as it must be to all true Americans blushing as I do to tell it, Washington at the commencement of the mimic struggle was most unquaifedly drunk.
 The sham fight commenced. Bang! bang! bang! from the Americans-ban bang! bang! from the British. The bangs were kept hotly up until the powder gave out, and then came the order to charge. Hundreds of wooden bayonets flashed fiercely in the sunlight, each soldier talk ing very good care not to hit anybody.
 'Thaz Qic) right" shouted Washing ton, who during the shooting had been racing his horse wildly up and down the line, "thaz right! Gin it to 'em! Gut their tarnal heads offr'
 "On, Romans!' shrieked Cornwallis, who had once seen theatrical perform ance and remembered the heroic appeals of the Thespian beligerents, Ion to the fray! No sleep till mornin'."
 "Let eout all their bowels yelled Washington, land down with taxation on teal"
 The fighting now ceased, the opposing forces were properly arranged, and Corn wallis, dismounting, prepared to present his sword to Washington according to programme. As he walked slowly to- wards the Father of His Country he re- hearsed the little speech he had commit ted for the occasion, while the llustrious being who was to hear it was making desperate efforts to keep in his saddle. Now he would wildly brandish his sword and narrowly escape cutting off his horses ears, and then he would f,'l sud denly forward on to the steeds neck, grasping the mane as drowning men seize hold of straws. He was giving an inimitable representation of Toodles on horseback. All idea of the magnitude of the occasion had left him, and when he saw Cornwallis approaching, with slow and stately step, and sword-hilt ex- tended toward him, he inquired: "What-'n devil you want, any (hic) howv'
 "General Washington" said Cornwall lis in dignifed and impressive tones, II tender you my sword. need not in form you, Sir, how deeply''-
 The speech was here suddenly cut short by Washington, who, driving the spurs into his horse, playfully attempted to run over the commander of the British forces. He was not permitted to do this, for his aids, seeing his unfortunate con- dition, seized the horse by the bridle, strengthened Washington up in his sad dle, and requested Cornwallis to proceed. ''General Washington" said Cornwall lis, ''the British Lion prostrates himself | at the feet of the American Eaglev' 'Edgle? EAGLE!'' yelled the infuriated Washington, rolling off his horse and hitting Cornwallis a frightful blow on | the head with the flat of his sword, "do 1 you call me 8 Eagle, you mean, sneakin' cuss?''
 Cornwallis remained upon the ground only moment. Smartng from the blows he had received he arose with an entirely unlocked for recuperation on the part of the fallen, and in direct def- ance of historical example; in spite of the men of both nations, he whipped the immortal Washington until he roared for mercy.
 1 The Americans, at first mortified and indignant at the conduct of their chief now began to sympathize with him, and resolved to whip their mock foes in earn est. They rushed fiercely upon them but the British were really the stronger l party and drove the Americans back l Not content with this, they charged madly upon them and drove them from the l. from the village in fact There were many heads damaged, eyes draped in mourning, noses fractured an6 legs lamed-it is wonder that no one was killed outright.
 l 4<1 1,ie for several weeks, but he recovered al last. For time there was coolnes. between himself and Cornwallis, but they finally concluded to join the whole county in laughing about the surrender
 They live now. Time, the ''artist, has thoroughly whitewashed their heads but they are very jolly still. On tow1 meeting days the old Squire alway' rides down to the village. In the hin6 part of his venerable yellow wagon i' always a bunch of hay, ostensibly fol the old white horse, but really to hide { glass bottle from the vulgar gaze. ThiI bottle has on one side likeness of La fayette, and upon the other may be seen the Goddess of Liberty. What the bot tie contains inside I cannot positively say, but it is true that Squire Wooi and Lawyer Jones visit that bottle very frequently on town meeting days ane come back looking quite red in the face When this redness in the face becomes of the blazing kind, as it generally does by the time the polls close, short dia logue like this may be heard:
 "We shall never play surrender again Lawyer Jones!'
 "Them days is over, Squire Wood!"