The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1891-04-12

hood and girlhood. the mothers wisdom has
been acknowledged and deferred 10. Nurses.
teachers, physicians. companions, friends,
books, costumes, she has chosen all. and
chosen all well; and the daughter. led by her
love and advice, has grown up 70 a beautiful
and desirable woman Is is possible that the
kindness and wisdom hitherto so sufficient
now becomes antiquated and insufficient. ana
that the mother who has hitherto directed
her daughter in every situation and emergency
of her life is in the choice of husband for
that daughter. suddenly smitten with blind
ness and incapacityl Does the sweet, strong
love Of a mother turn 10 selhshness and folly,
when the most important Crisis OF her uhugn-
ter's life arrives.
There is no race Of young people yet born
should we desire it, The unreasonableness,
the extravgances. and the illusions OF youth
are part Of its charming conditions. But
husband is to be chosen. not alone LOT the
quickly fleeing hours of youth; he Is 10 oe
friend and supporter through the Durden, anu
shadows of the evening OF life. Therefore no
girl can afford 10 choose husband as she
would choose a partner in a dance, and yet
this is what many girls are inclined to DO,
There is, therefore. kind Of matchmaking
which ii is q mothers duty TO attempt. Dut
il has strict limitations. IL resolves itselt INTO
the simple duty OF introducing to her daugh-
ter young men whose moral character is good,
who ore in position to marry, and who, phy-
sicallv. are not likely 20 repel her. The young
people may then safely be left 10 their own
instincts There should be no attempt u
coerce no moral force used to make even
suitable marriage: though eXtremities may
lawfully be used TO prevent an evil marriage.
The American mother OF high social stand
ing is apt 20 assume Pharisalcal attitude on
this subject, and 10 thank God that she Is not
as those French mothers: no, nor yet as many
English mothers; she allows her daughter TO
marry the man Of her choice. This class OF
American mothers are little cleverer than
French and English mothers. but IN the end
they do about the same thing. They follow
the tactics of the gamekeeper who wishes 10
drive partridges into particular turnip held.
He simply drives them out Of all other helds'
and the birds. after trying many other stubbles
in vain, resign themselves in sheer WEAKNESS
10 the turnip field So also these wilful young
American girls. after finding dozen hopeful
affairs" ruthlessy broken off, resign them
selves 10 the husband originally destined Tor
them in the maternal mind. There has been
little skillfu parrying with the foOlishness
bound up in the heart of maiden, but the
question of force" is hardly supposable with
an American girl and, in tho end, she will
very likely admit that the matchmaking was
in reality happiness. making.
A mothers matchmaking really begins
while her daughters education is IN progress.
mothers generally force this education in the
direction Of those qualities likely to amuse
young men-music. dancing, singing, dress
ing playing games chatting wlttly' etc.
Now such attractions are likely to procure
plentv of Irritation: but voting men rarely
marry the girls they flirt with. And why do
not mothers consider, most Of all. that APP
preaching period in their daughters lives
when thew will or ought 10 cease being made
love 10? Why should the preparation for
young ladyhood absorb all girls education?
For it Is a condition very transient, and likely
20 be the very reverse of what the rest OF her
life ought to be. How many girls schools
are considerate Of this fact? How many cur
riculums contain any arrangement for educa-
ton for wifehOod or parenthoOdy Yet. what
man wishes 10 pass his life with woman
whose only charm is the power 10 amuse himl
He might as wisely dine every day upon can
dy sugar.
1t is often said that romance is shocked at
the idea OF a mother finding n husband for
her daughter. With equal truth 1t may be
asserted that deicacy is shocked at young
girl hunting a husband entirely by herself.
Mother and home throw charm and re-
fnement around such efforts, and no good
Young man will refuse to acknowledge the
wisdom and respcctabhity Of the English Gus
tom that "a wife " 20 be cOurted on her
fathers hesrthstone." Men all need the cor
receive Influence of a noble social standard.
and N Is IN the nome women create that
standard
Mothers then ought b supplement by their
own experience the ineIperence and emo
tons Of their daughters. and to warn them
against passions which bring evil unless
guarded and directed 10 good ends. For the
marriages of affection, on which we are apt
to pride ourselves are very often simply mar
riages Of youthful caprice II must be sup
posed if any marriages are made 10y love, run
away matches are such. Yet how very very
few of such matches turn out Well ASKING
my own memory for the proportion, am
compelled 10 admit that Of the large number
have known, not one was fortunate or happy
In It's results.
II il very easy 10 resent this supposed neces-
sity of guarding girlish innocency, but 1t Is
necessity in spite of all protestations u the
contrary II, indeed, the young are capable
Of self-direction. then mothers are mistake,
and all that Holy WIT and wise men have
said Is false and antiquated. and behind the
youth Of this generation.
But surely a mother who has made oil the
conditions Of her daughters life for eighteen
years may at least advise her child on the
making Of her marriage and her home, Tor II
she be a good mother she will always consider
that within due limits a marriageable daugh-
ter should be entrusted with her own destiny.
She will know that it is one Of the secrets OF
wise management 10 manage as little AZ posi-
BILE and never to interfere in the things Of
small moment Needless interference, tussy
affection. want of tact, love of management.
minute surveillance. these are motherly
faults which drive girls into what they call
love marriages. but which are real " marriages
made from self-will. or desire Of change or
restlessness under dOmneering will. or even
the simple wish TO go counter TO some authorl-
lively expressed wish Of father or mother.
Such girls risk men of whose antocedents
they can make no inquiry-that is parents
duty-and whose income they take on trust.
Can Il young girl say 10 her lover, How large
is your income?" She has. beside, a romantic
idea that money considerations soil marriage.
She is quite willing 10 live in cottage with
the man Of her heart. And too often love in
cottage comes in for all the hardships Of
cottage without love. Not every dinner of
herbs is better than the stalled OK and young
ladies disposed TO try the experiment without
motherly advice or Interference must at least
be sure that they really have the love which
alone can make the dinner Of herbs at all
palatable.
Give the People = Chance.