The World. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1891-1896, 1891-11-12


tsrprisinE Editor.
WAnTKD.-The Kicker wants 20 engage
. spirited and enterprising young man
who Is not afraid Of work and IL ambitious
70 build himself up TO act as collector.
We have about cGo0 standing out, and will
furnish q mule and two revolvefs ~ an
outfit free on expense. The collector will
he allowed 70 retain halfof bis collections.
We regard this as a splendid opening for
nome ambitious eastern man who wants 70
work mp in journalism. He will no doubt
be shot at fifty times for every hundred
dollars he collects. but II he's got the right
sort of sand he'll pull through and come
ont on top Of the heap.
After we've given him dozen lessons on
getting the drop, and he's had couple Of
days acquaintance with our mule, well
back him TO tackle any Of our nonpaying
subscribers outside Of rife pit. In case
OF death We guarantee . fair TO medium
funeral. Apply at once.
AT IT AGAIN.-As Ii well known 70 the
readers OF The Kicker we have 4 private
graveyard with ten graves In i. The ten
graves represent ton different men who
we're mistaken III sizing VI up for ~ editor
without backbone. We did the fair thing
IN each and every case-sending for the
,ooroner-buying ffln--turninR out the
boys ID procession, and 70 on. The average
cost has been twenty-seven dollars per
funeral, and that's rich for this locality.
Our contemporary, who has never shot o
man, has been insanely jealous Of our
s'plantn out on the sand lots, and on two
occasions before last night has been caught
in'the act Of trying to steal some OF the
aheadboards TO start o graveyard of his
sown. At 10 o'clock last night we received
word that he was out there again. We
mounted our mule and rode out. He had
Just commenced operations. He had his
old mule hitched to the fence, and took the
alarm and mounted before we got up. We
run him seven miles, but his mule was the
faster and he got away.
We want to be neighborly as an editor,
but we also want this old lop shouldered,
bow legged hyena to thoroughly under
stand that he has at last made us tired.
and that any further foolin9 around on his
part will leave his milk and water old sheet
without head.
IT WAS FAILURE.--We got sly hint
several days ago that the postmaster OF this
town, whom we have had to shoot in three
different places within year In order to
expedite the mail service and prevent him
from walking on US, had sent over to Tu-
bac to get a man to do us up. The routine
Of getting out one Of the biggest and
brightest weekly papers In America Sub
scyiptions payable In adyance) went ON
just the same, however, and we didn't do
any private and confidential worrying.
All the forenoon yesterday we heard
some one hollering around the streets for
gore, and upon inquiry learned that It was
n rx1n En sstaa fasl0
being q real, old fashioned terror from
Grizzly mountain, with his toe nails dyed
red and his eyes shining like two camp
1res, and that he was also looking for US.
We were never more calm or serene. We
sent out to our grave digger to excavate
another hole and wrote . note to Steve
Williams, the undertaken. to varnish up a
whitewood 2by Sand get the trimmings ON.
It was about o'clock in the afternoon
when we finished our editorial labors for
that day and started out for saunter.
just as we turned into Sioux place the
man from Tubac jumped out on us from
. doorway and started in to secure our
right ear as a relic. We sat up with him
most Of the night last night. One Of the
bullets has been extracted, but the other
couldn't be reached with three foot stick.
Unless inflammation sets in he will very
likely pull through. II he does he assures
ms that he will be a changed man.
lie wouldn't exactly say that the post
master gave him fifty dollars to come over
and humble our proud editorial spirit, but
he said enough to satisfy us that we must
run over tomorrow and have another pop
1t our man. He's getting too coltish
again.--M. Quad in New York World.