The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-05-21

WE EXPECT TOO MUCH.
MARRIED PEOPLE DEMAND UNREA-
SONABlE ATTENTION.

why Loves Young Dream Ii Often Sadly |
Dispellcd Shortly After the Honeymoon |
Is Over-why Mans Taste Is Generally |
Different from wouaan's.
The much discussed question, SIS mar
rage failures" came up at a small so
cial gathering few evenings since. In
the company were an old bachelor, .
widow, several married people and q
couple of young persons who were abb
sorbed in unsuccessful attempts TO per-
suade the company thas they never
heard of such thing as loves young
dream.
Various opinions were advanced and
some little warmth was becoming evil
dent in the remarks Of some Of the mar.
RED guests. The bachelor was cynical,
the youngsters somewhat shocked and
sorruwful and the entire company un-
comfortable.
At length lady who had hitherto re-
manned silent was appealed to for her
opinion.
IF we judge by the amount Of hsppi-
ness we find in families" she said, Il
think we may cali it failure, for q per
fec.ly harmonious household is very hard
to find. There is so much seihshness and
so much indifference displayed, so much
] and so little you, that the instinct OF
self preservation springs up and takes
alarm, and the individual is at once put
uDon the defensive rs 10 his or her
nights.
Young people marry and begin their
homehfe On wrong basis CourtShrp
and marriage, while often merely an in
cident to the man, is all absorbing to the
woman. She dreams about it, lives in
it, worries and cries over it, and throws
her whole life into the ideal as she has
read it in books. Her ideal husband is
always gentle, tender and considerable;
always comes home with smile on his
face, and, although burdened with care
and perplexed with business, is never
other than hero. She is quite likely
to forget the ideal man can be very dis
agreeable when he is hungry, and finds
little to comfort him IN kisses and blisses
if the laundress has failed to bring home
his linen, or he hasn't quiet corner
where he may sit down and rest
"For man is more solitary creature
than woman. There is an old legend 10
the effect that Gods original plan WIS to
create woman the mother OF the race
first of all, but, in his far seeing wisdom,
he decided that a woman should never
be alone in the world; so man was Gre
ated first, that she might find compan-
ion even in her earliest hours of exis-
tence, and from her infancy she Graves
society, and all through her girlhood has
her little girl friends, and their associa-
alton is much more intimate than that
of the boy with his mates. And all
through her young days how she con-
fides in her girl associates and tells them
all of her little secrets, reads her first
love letter to them, and tells them all
about the ideal which she has fashioned
and clothed with graces as with gar
ment. How natural that she should
carry great deal of this ideal into her
married life and expect love and devo-
| ton all of the time, and that the hus-
band will be as devoted and as self sacri-
ficing as the lover.
"But all the same he isn't, and she
feels chilled and unhappy VIII, after
one greeting kiss, he locts beyond TO see
if there are signs of Inner, or frowns If
there are a number of girl friends scat
tered all about the house, putting an end
to the quiet, restful hours he feels he
needs so much after the days business
| He is certain that she cares less for his
society than that of the girls, and nat
uraliy resents it. He thinks he married
and had his home as a place in which 70
be quiet and comfortable, and makes up
his mind that he will put stop to all
this company. Then he reflects that he
is selfish and brute, and Will do moth
ing of the sort.
But such reflections never make the
average man happier. He doesn't like
| to admit, even to himself. that he Il
wrong, and the necessity for doing Sc
nettles him. And they both get irritated
and petty jealousies spring up, and there
are sharp words and bitter feelings, and
everything goes wrong. Perhaps good
sense comes to the rescue, and they GENE
TO a perfect understanding, but much
oftener they grow worse, until be PUSHES
away to the club, and she sits down u
nope and worry, perchance TO cry; or,
following his example, seeks congenial
society, and their lives end IN disEpa-
ton or an open rupture.
And all because each expects tor
much Of the other. Indeed, this Is the
keynote Of almost all unhappiness in life.
We expect too much. Our ideal Is to-
high. and not fuding plain, practical
facts 70 meet IL. we ara dissppointed
and discouraged, and become soured end
cynical.
1T sometimes happens that two PEG
pie who have passed through sOrno oi
the severest trials Of existence, and have
learned wisdom from the things they
have suffered, two such cOpesnIsl spir-
its may meet. and with the experience
of years stamped on their lives and char
acters may establish home on basis
OF mutual concession and unselftsh love,
and each may spend ms or her remain
ing years IN the acknowledged effort u
make MP to the other what life lacked
aforetime. Such homes are rare IN
deed, but when they are found am Ger
tain that neither the members Of ths
household nor the few friends who are
permitted 10 share the BEAUTIES Of then
inner lives w7l 60 away declaring uaaE'
| rage a failure.