The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-08-23


appear on the scene and commence
getting the stone into shape. Now, how
would it do to deliver the material first
then get it ready for use and then do the
grading! This idea of rendering a side
walk absolutely useless for three months
when the whole job could be done IN two
weeks, is all wrong. In the language of
Timmony "It's a great head that engineer
has on him.
Since the Tribune made the discovery that
The HERALD was too premature-for the
Tribune-this paper has persevered in its
premature record. or else the Tribune has
perseyered in its sluggishness; we don't
know which. In vain did the readers of
the latter paper look last week for the Wor-
then divorce, or the Erickson divorce, or
the John w. Young suit, or the Pavilion
theatre infraction, or the Adams scandal,
or the Price hold-up, or any number of
other items that go to make up newsy
paper, Immediately after they occurred. 1t
was left to the premature HERALD to pre-
serve its monopoly.
Everybody knows Sam Wellers terse
advice: beware Of widders" Bob Bur-
dette only Celebrates upon it when he says
what follows, though it is good, neverthe-
less: mo, son, don't marry widow She
is not romantic. Real love should n OF have
any more sense than bottle of soda wa ter
suddenly tapped. 1t should sizz and fuss
just like there wasn't anything else on
ear tn. All the electric spark from the
heart has not been tempered with.
1.-The widow is all right, and she Is
pretty-but don't marry her. The idea of
a second hand heart appears fiat and in
sipid-no foam. No, son. Don't make a
pawnbroker shop out of your trusting
heart. If you do marry, teach your wife
| that you, who gained her heart under the
pale glitter OF the milky way, where the
restless young meteor chases its love across
the heavens-l say, convince her that you
were at the barber shop until ! a. m. There
! is no memory 80 pleasing as the knowledge
| that your wife knows you would not lie!
But tie widow is too fly. She will kiss
1 her second edition at :45 o'clock p. NJ 1t
| will be duty kiss, not like the gush Of the
geysers of The Rockies, but tired and
lethargic. She will not coil about you like
the helpless and enticing ivy, while her
golden tresses wander over your E. & w.
collar. She will kiss you by geometrical
measurement, and say at parting:
George, dear, it is I: As o'clock. 1t will
take you Just five minutes to get drink,
twenty minutes to get shaved and five
minutes for a shine. Here is a dollar,
dear. Bring back 65 cents and return at
SIS o'clock, please, as we shall have bridal
calls tonight.
mo, boy, don't marry commercial col
lege," and so on. Boston baked beans
taste better when warmed over, but that is
about the only article on earth that does.
1t comes to US straight that Architect C.
H. LaBelle has been guilty of professional
piracy before he ever piled it in Salt Lake
OF course. A man never jumps into total
depravity at once.
Salt Lake city has over one hundred doc
tors, or one for every 500 inhabitants; and
among them every school is represented
from the regular physician down to the
Chinese practitioner who cures with frogs
feet, lizard skins and cats eyes. We have
homeopathic, eclectic, herbaic and botau-
ical doctors, and doctors too who belong to
no school and never did belong to any
Last year the city council passed an or
dinance creating a board of examiners
rendering every practitioner who could moi
produce satisfactory diploma subject tt
examination before 1t. The board we
know, was duly appointed but we do moi
know what has since become of it. Did il
die of malpractice!
Assessor Clute was at the theatre last
, week, and there is no reason on earth WHY
he should not have been. He must have
thought it strange that people should have
money enough left to pay for amusements
, after he had gone through their property
and left them nothing but tax bill anc
detection. Maybe. they won't have 81
much after they pay the taxes under
Clute's new system of assessment, which
consists in making Clute's divvy as large
as possible. Nero fddled while Rome wa:
on fire. Cute will be able to rent a from
pew in the theater if half Salt Lake
should be ruined, and perhaps all the more
because of it.
The Revs. Messrs Thrall and Utter were
both at Brighton rusticatlng last week
Mr.. Thrall has been spending the summer
, out there, while Mr.. Utter was the guess
of Hon. II. w. Lawrence for couple o.
weeks. Mr.. Thrall, while recuperating hi:
physical powers did not allow his spiritua
energy to cease. He held Sunday services
at the cottage of Dr. Foster every week
Last Sunday, however, he shared the pull
} pit with DIR. Utter. The latter preached
the sermon, Manifestations of the Laws
of God,' while the former conducted III,
, rest of the services. 1t takes a broad
minded, generous Congregationalist to hole
Joint services with a Unitarian tn,
one holding to the orthodox belle
of the inspiration of the Scriptures, witt
all that this implies, and the other denyins
it. Of course, DR.. Duryea is another ms
such Congregationalist and Henry Ware
Beecher in his lifetime was another-botl
great minds-but 1T requires besides
superior mind, also superior courage t.
brave the suspicion of being tainted witt
) heresy. Mr.. Thrall seems to be in ever,
: way superior man.
Although MIR. Gould does not read tn