The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-12-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

SUCK up LOT Cn6 WOrSC man III tuO CoA-
munity. YonkerS Statesman.
Many men keep their regulations
polished only that they may outshine
their neighbors. IeTGs Syti17gs.
The watch that is placed over the
peoples interests at the polls must not
be repeater Washington Star.
The doctors profession shows how
theory never helps a man through
without practice. Washington Star.
An exchange remarks: Honesty
fears nothing" But it does though.
1t fears dishonesty Sittimgs.
Nurses make the meanest kind of
white cap gentry. for they will even
hold up babies. american.
Photographers are never progress
i've. They always impress you with
the idea that you must not move
Richmond Recorder.
Did you ever notice how idiotic the
smile of pretty girl is-when it is
directed toward some one elseP-Bt1g-
hanaton Republican.
Mamma, why do they put the pict-
ure of an eagle on dollars?" 10
show that money flies, my dear. y
Baltimore american.
The rattlesnake is probably the old
est of all snakes in the world. They
got ratified in the garden of Eden
Neao Orleans PicGyatpe.
Mrs Wickwire-''Yet,w when you fell
in love with me-" Mr.. Wickwire
IL didn't fall in. was dragged in."
Indianapolis Journal.
Rosalie-''Do you keep a diary?"
Grace-"Y-e-s. I've kept one for the
first week in January for the last seven
years. IN Y. Herald.
De Canter-''Is there any sure way
to tell the age of horseP" De Trot-
ter-eYes. Ask the dealer and multi
ply by two."-M. Y. Weekly.
1t is very rare nowadays that the
office seeks the man; and even when
such thing occurs the chase is usu-
ally very sluggish Teras SJtings.
tant respect-with men it is just after
the fall that they begin to acquire a
shady eputation.-Bdttinaor AnaeT'-
can.
mo. never play poker with Skin
ner. He is too versatile" "Eh?"
He seems to be able to turn his hand
to anything he chooses. Indianapolis
Journal.
You can tell more about mans
character by trading horses with him
once than you can by hearing him
talk for year in prayer meeting
RAMS Horn.
Landlady-'.I am afraid those towels
are too small" Clerk-'They are our
regular size for boarders. madam" F."
Landlady-"I know. but want them
for myself. % Cloak ReUiea0.
II like fun as well as anybody" he
said, pleasantly, ''but 1 always take
care to know just how far to CO."
Yes" she answered, with a yawn,
''but not how early Washington
Star.
De Bull-"How did you enjoy your
self at Restful BeachP" De Bear
First rate. Got all the city papers
before breakfast and there was stock
ticker in the reading-room. Good
NeeOs.
II read myself to sleep on Dante's
Inferno last night, but Ill never dc
it again. why? Did you have bad
dreamsP" Il should say SO. 1 thought
was walking the floor with. the baby
al NY uL' -DfeUAtO E'LPIooo'
Mr. R. E. Turner is Bingers
getting along? Is he as open-handed
as ever?" Mr.. Staidthere-"O yes
But his hand is open now in the hope
that some one will drop something in
to Indianapolis Journal.
ut is great pity" said the sports.
mans wife after he had told her of his
days experiences. ''What is?" he
asked That a fish can't grow a:
rapidly before it is caught as it doe:
afterward." y Washington Star.
Doctor-''You should not drink 81
much Bourbon; it will do you no per
manent good. You should drink milk
for it contains all the elements o
blood" Patient-'But I'm not blood
thirsty. "-PharnaaceattjcaJ Era.
William Ami want you to com,
and take that burglar alarm right ou
of my house." Electrician-''Doesn'
it workP" William Work! 1
has scared burglar to death and hi
widow has sued me for S., 900 dam
ages" Brooklyn Life.
Yes any boy born in this free re
public may one day be president of th
United States; but if he wants to ge
of success are vastly better if he ha
taken the precaution to be borr
abroad. transcript.
gelist-" But, my brother. w,
should be kind, even to our enemies.
Blizzard Bill allays hev. parson.-
allays. I've sot up nice tombston,
over every white man plugged. An
it's no small expense. either, fer maj
fhot1c h nd T Ind
Journal.
You don't love me so much as Vol
did," pouted young Mrs. Mcbride
Didn't l just now say you wer,
worth your weight in gold?" remon
strated her husband. sYes, but yo,
said that when we were first married
and l weigh seven pounds less now'
Ptttsburg ChronicIe-zelegraph.
II never saw a man run through hi
property like Blink did," remarked
department clerk. Why" exclaimed
the man at the next desk. Il though
he was very steady-going. Yes
but you ought to have seen him whel
the bull chased him over the farm hi
uncle left him. Washington Star.
Visitor (to inhabitant of very small
village)-"But surely you must find
very dull here. never getting an,
newspapers. How d'you know what
going on in London, for instance?'
nhabitant-"Eh. mon! but dinna Y,
ken that tn folk in Lunnon are Just a
ignorant O. what's gaun on wi us?"-
Judy.
Always these dressmaker's bills
growled the head of the house. ''Wh,
don't you, like other women. max
your own clothes?" 'sAnd pray wha
do you make for yourself?' IL" h
exclaimed in astonishment. ''Why
haven't l ever since we've been mar
ried made my own cigarettes?"
FLiege1ade BLatter.
As pink pearl in scullion's ear
so is a fair woman without a goo
dressmaker. Whose telleth the trut
concerning his neighbor is not infre
quently liable to heavy damages. Bet
ter chop with a peer than a seven
ond-ciy nanny dinpor with Tarcon n