The Iola register., 1891-10-30
WIT AND HUMOR.
Columbus Thoughts the earth was reuna,
And later could 30 swear,
For In his dealings with the world,
He did not End It square.


For in his dealings with the world.
He did not End it square.
What Is monopoly A corporations
in which other fellows hold all the
stock.-Teras Siftings.
A watch wheel is usually modest on
ITS travels. 1t prefers to go round in
cog.-Baltimore American.
A promising man" is not always
the one on whom the most reliance
can be placed. d.-LotOsH Mail.
No. Gubbins, you will never be .
brain-worker." "Why not?" Haven't
got the tools. s."-Danviile Breeze.
Miss Hyart is realistic even to her
stockings" What do you meana"
'The clocks upon them are striking"
Life.
Tommy-"What part of speech is
'woman'?" Papa = woman is no
part of speech at all my sou. She is
the whole of it. Judy.
Totling-'Why do people borrow
trouble so mnch?" Dimling - Be
cause it isn't necessary to put up any
collateral."-N Y. Sun.
The young man who goes West aud
gets broke had better stay there. . The
East has no iatted calf to kill for such
prodigals. s.-Net0 Orleans Data.
Smithkins-"Hello, DocI What are
you doingP" The Doctor Trying to
kill time" Smithkins-"Why don't
you prescribe for him?'-PucE.
Chicago is excited because four mes
senger boys have been missing for the
last week. Perhaps they are answer
ing calls in the suburbs. Washington
De Broker (sadly)-"You seem to
have dropped out OF speculation late
w." De LOser-"Yaas, betting on
boss races now. It's safer."-N Y
Weekly.
Doctor Ito patieuD-"Iow much
exercise do you take?" Old Tone (un-
steadily)-"About two fingers five or
six or seven times a day. - Washing
ton Star. ii
Bald-headed men will return from
seaside resorts when the theaters open
with comic opera people who will ap-
pear on the stage in bathing dresses.
l-Rtcayune.
well! If that isn't the meanest
trick l ever heard Off "What9"
They have sent an ossiied man as q
missionary 10 the Canuibal Islands."-
indianapolis Journal.
How is it that you are so hale and
hearty at your aye. Uncle John?" Il
guess it's because I've always been so
busy that | never had time to attend to
my health. IN ]. Press.
Have you read The Light that
Failed ?" she asked the stoekhOlder in
the gas company. No" he answered.
and then he avoided her for the rest of
the evening. Washington STIR.
Il hear that Lord Narlen is travel
ing through this country incog." You
don't mean it?" Great C;e sarl that
fellow must have the feeling of man.
Ashamed of being Lord! truth.
Van Pelt-"What stuff is that dark
hat made of?' Dealer-"That is a
wool hat, sir; VIII ?" Van Pelt-.I
didn't know but it was the darkness
that might be felt. Cincinnati Ga-
| zette.
20, you thought you could carry
things with high haud. eh?" NO"
answered the man who was caught
bluffing," II knew very we'll that I
hadn't high hand" : Indianapolis
Journal.
Clara-"Isn't Miss Flasher college
graduate?' Maude = You would
never know it from her talk. What
makes you think SOP" Clara-"She
has such good taste in dress."-BrOok-
Ign Life.
Jinks - "Waite would be a good
man to start church, Filkins--
"Why sop' Jinks-"He has sisters
enough among our leading families to
to start a good-sized congregation"
~ Y. Herald. e.
There is always something for every
man to be thankful for. Even the
calamity bowler is thankful He is
thankful that there is nothing in the
world for him to be thankful for
Atchison Globe.
Chapple (returning from the ssaside)
What is the mattab. deah boy? What
made you faintP" Cholly (feebly. but
happily)-"Found a quahtah in one of
me pockets, oil fer-found quahtah."
M Y. Herald.
Miss Pearl White-"I wish you to
paint my portrait" Dobbins-"Pm
sorry. madam; but I can't do it."
Miss Pearl White-"Why not?" Dob
bins-"I never copy other paintings"
Cincinnati Gazette.
Porter That Kentucky gentleman
refuses IN nccunv Room Al Hofai
Clerk-"Whats wroug?" There's
picture of some fruit hanging on the
wall, and he says it makes his mouth
water."-DetroH Free Press.
You are grossly intoxicated, Mr..
Mangle." IL know it, love; but you
told me when / started downtown
this morning to exchange a pleasant
smile with every one. and | obeyed
your Injunction. ."-Bost0D Gazette.
lis there such thing as a walters
union7" asked the hungry customer in
the restaurant. Yes. SIR" said the
waiter. Il believe I'll join it. I've
waited here long enough to make me
eligible, guess."-DetrOH Free Press
McFingle-'GrabalI is a very econ
omical man. isn't hep" McFangle-'1
should say SOL Why. he has built his
new home next to a graveyard. so in
case any of his family dies the hack
fares for the funeral will be smaller"
Boston Net1s.
City Cousin-"I see the farmhouse
next to this one is closed. Why is
that?" Rural Relative Mrs. Hay
fork, who lives there, has gone to the