The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-03-14

rule Of throe. For instance, suppose the
earnings Of Mr.. Van Grip over and above
those Of ordinary men for those forty
six years to form like proportion Of
the -. 000, 900 to that which they actual
~ did of the $3.50. 600, VIC can find out in
. jiffy how much his entire carr ings
during that period amount to Lit u
see:
$50, 900: 1000, 600: 276 600
Multiply our second term by our third
and divide the product by our first
There you are, sir. $l.577. l42. IS; that ID
the amount Of Mr.. Van Grips extra
earnings during the forty-six years.
Again, II 1t takes twenty nobodies in
uncertain circumstances and conditions
forty-six years to earn e275,00O, how
many nobodies, working under similar
circumstances and conditions and for q
similar period, will it take to earn ST.
Az. 14a IS?
276. 900: 1.577. 142. % 90.
Multiply our second term by our third
and divide the product by our first. An
swer ia 7SS57-27o, 900 nobodiea A frac-
ton OF nobody does not amount to
much, SO will discard the fraction and
call 1t ia
Gracious, goodness me. what an enter
prising. public-spirited man Mr.. Van
Grip was!
1t warns the cookies Of my heart to
contemplate him. Just think of it. He
earned and saved more than ia Of the
ordinary run of mon earned and squan-
dered.
rendering over these figures an idea
occurred to me, and as am not one Of
those who keep their light under .
bushel, give it to the readers of The
Standard. 1t is this: The sole object
of life nowadays is money. Granted.
There are over SC, 900, 600 human beings
in these United States at the present
writing. Now, suppose that one-flfth
they are not, but we will suppose SOY,
engaged in terribly earnest pursuit Of
that object and suppose again that in
every 115 Of these 10, 000. 900 there isone
Mr.. Van Grip and ia incapable nobodies.
Now let us figure out that and see what
1t comes to:
lis 10, 00O. 600 :1:
Proceed as we have done above and
we ind that there are S6950 1928 Mr..
Van Grips and 9.91s. DAB 1873 incapable
nobodies who are unwilling or unable to
accomplish any thing toward the object
referred to-money.
Now have come to the idea. Listen:
Let those .. o1S, 04S l1-9S incapable mo-
bodies be quietly choked. or burned. or,
perhaps, 1t would be cheaper to dump
them into the sea, and then after that
has been done let MS strangle all the mo-
body infants IS fast ~ they appear and
save and carefully raise the Van Grip
infants; if-but, hang it. here comes
this terrible 'ifi" How are we to recog-
nize the Van Grip infants7 There's the
rub Perhaps some reader Of The Stand
ard may devise mode OF obviating this
little difficulty.
Some men are curious animals / re-
lated the facts above written to my
friend Pete Drudger. and instead of APP
preciating the enterprise and public
spirit Of Mr.. Van Grip a. they deserve,
he metaphorically tore that respect
able gentleman's memory to tatters,
said he never did An honest days work
in his life. said he was nothing but
bloated spider who lay idly In his hole,
and watched an opportunity to prey up
ON the poor nobodies, said that the
81, 567. 142. IS of right belonged to the ia
nobodiess spoke Of. then .branched on
iuto soyuA non aan a a ,s.k ss,tuoe ~v,oxa a,,