davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
Rapid Transit in the South.

Rapid transit in the south is humor-
Gus all the time. Time being of no
earthly Importance in this latitude the
joke is always cheap and agreeable.
Yesterday, having no thought of any
thing beyond a ride in the sunshine,
l boarded one of the open cars which
are now running through the town.
At the next corner the car stopped
and remained at standstill long
enough for the little mules to 60 to
sleep. l was sitting just behind the
driver, and thinking perhaps that
some rule of the road entailed long
wait at this point, which was outside
the town proper, I asked him if he in
tended to start again soon.
"Well, 1 dunno, suh," he replied
politely. "You see that old lady
wants to get on this heah kyar-but
l can't tell how long it'll take her to
get heah," and he pointed up the road
at right angles to the track leading to
three or four cottages perched on a
hill quarter of mile away. Half
way between us and the cottages an
old lady was walking toward us. She
did not seem to be in a hurry neith-
er did she wave her hands frantically
or scream as a northern woman would
have done under similar circumstance
es. She took her time and the driver
of the street car recognized her sacred
right to 60 slow. When she had
taken her seat he unwound the brake
in leisure was, woke the mules, and
he went on.
Still further south, at Dallas, Tex,
the other day, some friends of mine
were riding ona street car when lady
in the party saw some popcorn on the
sidewalk.
20, what lovely pop-cornl" she said;
81 wish l had some !"
81 suppose you'd like me to stop the
car and get some for you," was her
husbands ironical remark.
The driver Of the car overheard it
and stopped the car at once and said
he'd wait while the popcorn was
bought for the lady.-Hot Springs
Letter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
A Live Young Woman.

She was as gentle of eye as soft
gazelle, that she was, for this didn't
happen this week, although it is by no
means ancient history. 1t was in a
shoe store in Lewiston, and the gentle
maiden was an acquaintance of the
proprietor, and always bought her
No. Us there when she encased her
dainty feet in anything brand new.-
Here's something that will fit you"
said the jocular proprietor passing out
a pair of wool boots fitted with pair
of lumberman's rubbers. "I'll make
you present of them if you will wear
them down to the postoffice and back" /"
"Wait minute" said she, and in a
minute" she was arrayed in wool
boots and lumberman's rubbers.-
"Watch me to the postoffice," and she
was gone. "Her feet beneath her
petticoat like little mice stole in and
out as if they feared the light" wrote
the poet 200 years ago, but he didn't
refer to the Lewiston young lady who
did this feat on foot, or he never would
have said it. She was back in less
than 10 minutes, red-cheeked and
laughing. "There," said she, as she
passed up the boots. "Do them up
I'll send them to my father down in
Penobscot county. l never lose a
chance to help the folks at home" and
the shoe dealer was as good as his
word, and dad" marveled at pair
of nice wool boots from his thoughtful
daughter in Lewiston.-Lewiston
Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
The Mule and the Boy.

A boy, apparently much agitated,
rushed into house recently and said:
81 don't want to alarm yer, but I've
got big news. The man sent me up
from the livery stable to tell yer"
"Good heavens What is it ?"
"Why, you know yer little boy,
Aleck, phat the men can't keep outen
the livery stable round the corner ?"
"Yes, well ?"
81 told Aleck just now not to GO
inter the stable among the horses, but
he wouldn't mind me-"
ooh, dearl What has happenedf'
"He said he wanted to see what a
mule would do when you tickled his
heels with straw"
"Oh, heavens !" gasped the lady,
and clung to the mantel for support.
"Well, sir, your boy Aleck got a
straw, snuck up benin sorrel mule,
tickled him on the heels, an
The lady started for the door. can
the blamed critter never lifted a hoof,'
said the boy. "Never as much as
switched his tail. It's a mighty good
thing for Aleck that he didn't, too,
an I thought I'd come up and tell
yer" And he lodged out at the side
entrance.--Germantown Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
A Mystery.

How the human system ever recovers
from the bad effects Of the nauseous med
icines often literally poured into 1t for the
suppositive relief OF dyspepsia, liver COM
plant, constipation rheumatism and 9TH
er ailments, is mystery. The mischief
done by bad medicine Is scarcely less than
that caused by disease. II they who are
weak, bilious, dyspeptic, constipated or
rheumatic, would oftener be guided by
the experience OF invalids who have thor
oughly tested Hostetter's Stomach Bit
ters, they would In every instance obtain
the speediest aid derivable from rational
medication. This medicine Is searching
and at the same time thoroughly safe
remedy, derived from vegetable sources,
and possessing, In consequence of Its
basis Of pure spirits, properties as q me-
dicinal stimulant not to be found In the
fiery local bltters and stlmulants often
resorted to by the debilitated, dyspeptio
and languid.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
Desperation.

They had just came out of dim
museum-a tall, lank woman will
knife-blade lips and an olive greer
complexion; the little old man will
her was round-faced, blue-eyed ant
meek of manner. Hardly had they
reached the pavement when the essenc,
of vinegar by his side hissed out:
81 seen ye, Abs'lom Kittson."
"Seen me what, Nancy?"
ooh, I'd ask what! I tell ye l seer
ye with my own livin' eyes p
"Seen me what?"
"Seen you furritin' with that tatto'
ed woman. Oh, I did !"
"Good Lord, Nancyp
"Oh, 1 seen you give her them pea.
nuts, l seen vel"
"Why, Nance, I"
"And l seen ye furritin' with the
fat woman. l seen ye give her the
apple, Alb. Klttson."
"Why, Nance, I merely"
81 had my eye on .ye. seen ye
offer that albino gal bite of your
bolony sassinger, Alb. Kittson; an L
seen ye try to make up to that bearded
woman"
"Good land Of"
"Shet up, Alb. Kittson, or I'll 60
home A-furritin with sich Oh, l
seen you, you mizzable big flirrut you !"
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
A Kansas Proposal.

One blazing..day in August a rural
twain had wandered down by the bean.
lot. The bean-lot was a plat OF
smooth, beaten earth where castor
beans were spread to be husked by
old Sol. Pop, pop, poppety, pop, pop
came the merry sound of the beans
as they broke out of their burrs and
the love.lorn swain suggested that
they sit in the shade where they could
hear the bean-lot artillery.
"Liz," said he after long pause,
"your paws beans are jest more'n
poppin, amt they ?"
"They are prime beans, too, Zeke."
"Say, Liz, l wish't Il"
"You wish't,iyou what ?"
"Oh-er-nothin. But them beans
pop awful easy, don't they, Liz ?"
eyes, en- if they was green they
wouldn't pop so we'll, would they ?"
"N-nope. En- that's why l wish't
l."
"You wish you what ?"
"Oh, you're lookin' at me en- / cant
say it !"
swell, Ill look over there. Now,
then"
"Your peekin' round"
mo, / hain't. Honest now"
Here followed q silence in which
the beans popped encouragingly.
"Go on, Zeke," said Liz.
And Zeke with q mighty effort
suffered out:
"Them beans pop so easy, Liz, that
/ wish't-I wish't-I-was-a-beanl"
Zeke was understood and the castor
beans ratified merrily as Liz named
the day.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Little Edith had the habit of eating
out the soft part of her bread and
tucking the crust under the edge of
her plate. Her mother had frequent
ly reproved Edith for this reprehensi-
BILE practice, but it appeared to have
no lasting effect. The other evening
Edith was detected at her old trick.
Said her mother: Edith, how often
have / told you about leaving your
crusts. There may come day when
you'll be glad to get them" eyes,
mamma replied Edith with a de-
mure, whimsical countenance, "that's
what I'm saving 'em or."-Boston
Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

"That breaks me all up" is what
the piece of ice was heard to remark
when speaking of the icepick.-Yonk-
er's Statesman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Cora (proudly)-My new lover, Mr..
Jimpson, has stage air, hasn't he?
Dora-Yes, papa says he used to
drive one.-Epoch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Waiter (deferentlally)-"Soup, sirS''
Fuddled actor (ferociously)-"No,
sir; leading man."-Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

These are the days when the tramp
and the pumpkin are both getting
very seedy.-Baltimore American.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

The person who is chased by bear
has proof positive that troubles a
brewin'. Lowell Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
0. |. PARTRIDGE.
Real Estate Agent

Rooms 4, 5, Dawson Block.
VIII take charge of estates for residents and non.
residents. collect rents, pay taxes place insurance
obtain abstracts OF title. etc.
Office hours-10 to 12A. M, A to6P.M.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

Every ones sweetheart sometimes
gets up in arms against him.-Galves.
ton News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Mozart was ON visit to monast-
cry, says the Daheim Kalander. Dur
ing mass he listened impatiently to
the feeble execution of the organ play
er, and could hardly bear to sit out
the service. After mass the prior ask
ed Mozart to dinner, and took the op-
portunity to inquire how he liked the
playing of the organist.
HE plays quite in biblical fashion"
said Mozart.
"How is that2" asked the prior.
"His left hand does not know what
the right hand is doing" was the re-
ply.-Berlin Letter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

"Smithers is a very engaging fell
low" "Yes-he had to leave Boston
once because he was engaged to three
girls at once" Truth.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

"After mature deliberations have
decided to take this STEP" remarked
the Boston babe, putting out its foot
in first attempt to walk.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

She-"You know, Dick, that papa
is not nearly as rich as he is reported
to be-"
He-"Oh, well. he is likely to make
fortune before he dies. shall have
to take my chances like all the rest of
the fellows, suppose. Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Mr.. B., a we'll known st. Louis con-
tributor, gave vent to the following
philosophical reflections: Gall a
girl a spring chicken and she will
laugh call woman hen and she
gets mad. Call young lady witch
and she will enjoy it; call an old
woman a witch and your life is in
danger. Call a girl a kitten and she
won't take it unkindly call woman
cat and she will hate you. Remark
able x."-St. Louis Republic.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

"What sort of a newspaper plant
have you Z" asked the eastern man OF
the wild western editor. 81 have been
using a Colts a." replied the editor
modestly, "but considering the diff
culties arising out of the last campaign
l have about concluded to get Win
CHESTER Colorado Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Contractor-"Before the contract is
given out / should like to present you
a slight token of my esteem"
Public csofficial-"Sir, despise brib-
cry in all its forms but my wife saw
house at No. 1000 Broad avenue
that she liked immensely"
Contractor--"All right, sir, she
shall have it."-Boston Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

81 was kicked by horse when l was
little and knocked senseless," said
Chappie. "How soon do you expect
to recover ?" asked the cynical Maud.
Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Printer-"There was bill collect
or up here to see you."
Editor-"And what did you do with
him p
81 shot him."
"Good gracious And powder is
forty cents pound! Why didn't you
pitch him out of the window ?"-At-
lanta Constitution.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Justice-"So you wish to be marri-
ed ?"
Awaiting couple-''Yes, sir"
Justice-"Slip knot or true lovers
knot ?"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Sportsman---"Any game about
here ?"
Facetious native-."There'll be a
base ball game this afternoon"
Sportsman-"Very we'll. I'll shoot
the umpire. Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
. The Niagara Falls Route.
Time Card in Effect.

Daily. I Daily except Sunday: Parlor car on
day trains and sleeping cars on night trains
j. WHITING, Ticket Agent
OW. RUGGLE3, q. =. & T. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-09-02

Miss Trill-"I love to hear the
birds sing"
Jack Mallet-"So do l. They new
er attempt a piece beyond their abili-
ity."-Puck.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-11

the United States for any purpose whatever
Inc act, II IL provided, shall preclude tie entry
into the United states not only Of Chinese la
borers who have never been over, but of all who
nave been here and departed, also all Chinese
persons who may desire TO pass through
or over the United States for any purpose
whatever Senator Cuilom also introduced a
Di!i on the same subject Il provides THAT for
ten years after the passage OF the act the CON-
ing oi Chinese laoorers 10 the United States
shall be suspended. During such time il shall
ne unlawful for any Chinese laborer to come,
or, having 80 come, TO remain within the
United states. Every Chinese person other
than iaborer, who may be entitled by the
treaty OF 1889, or this act. TO come within the
United States, shall obtain permission OF and De
l9entihsd as SO entitled by the Chinese
government, or other foreign government, OF
when, at the time, such Chinese shall be a SUBJ
lect. This certificate shall be vise1 by United
states diplomatic OF consular representative.
The provisions OF the act shall apply 10 ali Chi
nese, except diplomatic or consular officers and
their attendants Chinese found unlawfuliy
within the Jurisdiction OF the United States
shall be removed to China The Chinese now in
this country must obtain certificates within
ninety DAYS
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-11
The storm ON Grav,. Harbor

Cosh oPoLIs, Dec. 10.--Ispecial1 - Tuesday Q
storm was the seyerest known on the harbor for
years. The steamer City of Aberdeen in making
her downward trip from Montesano to Hoquiarn
failed to make connection. On her arrival at
the bend in the river below Cosmopolis and
above Aberdeen the wind and waves compelled
her to return to Cosmopolis for safe anchorage
from the storm. At $50 O'Clock the government
steamer ManZanita steamed in with the
Hoquiam Mill Company's tug Traveller in tow,
disabled. In conversation with one of the
officers he said:
The steamer Manzanita left Astoria Sunday
morning and arrived at Gray's harbor bay,
where we worked in placing buoys on Monday
morning, when one of the seyerast storms we
ever experienced on the Pacific coast struck us
and about O'Clock In the afternoon we heard
the tug Traveller blow signal of distress We
went out to her assistance and found her with
her wheel crippled and a schooner on the beaoh h
We took her in tow, brought her INSIDE and
around the point at Peterson, where we dropped
both anchors with head 10 the wind and a full
head of steam, but dragged both anchors. About
O'Clock the storm lulled. We then took the
tug in tow ana brought her to Cosmopolis
HoouIAM. Dec. lo.-Especal. "A heavy wind
and rain storm ragged ali day Monday, but with
out much destruction to property
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-11
Picked Up Off Oregon Coast
With Rudder Gone.
A SALVAGE CLAIM OF $500, 900.
The Wetmore is Now at Astoria, But
May Be Towed to the Sound.
Captain Hansen, the Notorious Peacher,
Returns From His Annual Raid on
the Seal Rookeries-A Boy Killed
Near Tacoma

ASTORIA, Or. Dec. 10. The British
steamship Zambesi, from Hongkong, ar
rived In port this morning. having in tow
the disabled whaleback steamer Charles
w Wetmore. Captain Edwards, of the
Zambesi. said:
We left Victoria for the Columbia river last
Sunday. AT II O'Clock yesterday morning when
Oh the mouth OF the Columbia, we sighted a
singular looking steamer. Steaming down, we
found 1t was the whaleback propeller Charles
W. Wetmore, flying signals OF distress She was
then about three or four miles off Tillamook
rock, thirty miles south OF the entrance to the
Columbia Though able TO steam, the whale
back had no way OF steering, the rudder having
dropped of, leaving nothing but the rudder
frame. got hawser out and had her in easy
tow the remainder of the day and last night.
This morning the hawser parted, but we got il
out again in the afternoon and crossed in with
but little difficulty.
Captain Edwards. of the Zambesi, has
entered a protest of claims and damages
before Vice-Consul Cherry The hawser
bits of the Zambesi were carried away.
Captain Edwards claims for salvage will
be one-third of the value of the whaleback
and cargo. Placing that at 5000 900, his
claim on the part of the owners, officers
and crew of the Zambesi will aggregate
$500. 900.
Captain Hastings, of the Wetmore, says
that he began to lose his rudder two weeks
ago. when off the Galapagos islands. 1t
dropped of piece by piece as the rivets
fell out, but he hoped to make his destina-
ton, Port Townsend. Under the circum-
stances he was very glad to get to the Col
umbia river. The whaleback was out 112
days from New York.
Captain Hastings is negotiating for
steamer here to tow the Wetmore to Port
Townsend.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-11
The Storm on the Fraser Delta.

NEW WEsTxIssTEa, b. c., Dec. 1o-tspecial>l
Heavy rains, high winds and phenomenal
tides have been playing havoc on the lower
Fraser river during the past week. Telegraph
service was first interrupted, and after the big
blow on Saturday two days were required to
straighten out the lines. The heavy seas and
high tides washed away the dykes along the
Delta in a score OF places and thousands of
acres of country were flooded. Cattle out In
pasture could not be brought in and over 100
head were drowned. Pigs were drowned in
their pens and whole stacks Of hay and grain
were destroyed. The damage caused is the
greatest ever known on the Delta, and many
farmers are heavy losers The dykes are badly
broken and will require some time to repair
them. The experience Of the last week proves
that they at least foot too low, and a
scheme has already been started to raise them to
the required height The Great Northern rail-
road service has been interrupted by washouts.
but not seriously
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-11
National Bar Association Banqueted.

WASHINGTON CITY, Dec. 1O-A banquet was
given at the Arlington hotel tonight in honor
OF the delegates to the annual reeting of the
National Bar Association. Among the promi-
nent people present were Attorney General
Miller, Justices Blatchford, Brewer, Gray, Har-
Ian and Lamar, of the supreme court, Solicitor
General Taft, number of senator's and other
government officials. The first toast "The
President, was responded to by Senator Mander-
son, OF Nebraska, who paid a pleasing compli.
nent 10 PRESIDENT Harrison and eulogized the
memory of President Lincoln
Associate Justice Gray responded to "The
Bench" Senator Gray to 1.-THE Congress and
Mr.. Carter, of New York, to 1.-The Bar" During
the evening letter was read from President
Harrison regrettlng his inability to lie present,
and saying that he viii be pleased to see the
delegates at the White House. Letters of regret
we're received also from Chief Justice Fuller
Justice Bradley, Senator Edmunds, Speaker
Crisp and others.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-12-11
STATE SUPREME COURT DECISIONS
Important Tacoma Case OF Nelson Ben
nett VS.. Water Co. Reversed

OLYMPIA, Dec 10-ISpecisl 1.-The supreme
court today reversed the Judgment of the
Pierce county superior court in the case of the
Tacoma Hotel Company, respondent, VS.. Is.
coma Light and Water Company, appellant
Tho court holds that the appellant may stop
supplying water to the respondents hotel for
failure of the respondent 20 pay overdue water
rent The power OF the company to impose Z.
tine for non-paynent is not passed on. The in-
junction decree obtained by respondent is there
fore set aside.
In the King county case of the Northern Pa
cine Puget Sound Shore Company, appellant,
vs. Black ct al, which was affirmed WITH costs,
the court holds that an appeal lies from denying
motion TO vacate a default Of judgment
on the merits. II decides that the court below
did not abuse its discretion in DENYING the mo
ton on the showing made by appellant.
The King county case of Everton. respondent
vs. Parker, appellant, was reversed This was 4
garnishes proceeding, in which the g.rnishea
entered denial of Indebtedness. The superior
court decided summarily without submitting
the question OF fact to jury that tia garnishee
was indebted. The supreme cour. says;
We think no case can be found sustaining the
sction OF the court. aud. If such a case could be
found, this court could not follow il. Ii is plain
tnat under the statute the judge exceeded his
authority.