Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1891-11-04
He WAS AN EPIcuRE.
His Disagreement with the Top and Bot
tom of n First Class Bill of Fare.

! IauranL
Waiter" said he, in the tone and
with the manner of a man who knew
what was what and was determined to
have that and nothing else, fetch me
a venison steak, and have it fat and
juicy!'
81 beg pardon, sirr' said the waiter,
with elevated eyebrows.
'Venison steak, l said! fat and juicyl'
''Oh, sirI" said the waiter, ''but the
venison season hasn't come in yet, sir. Z"
do you mean that you have no ven-
ison?"
Certainly, sirp'
This is first-class restaurant amt
it?" said the man, looking about him as
If he was afraid he had got in the wrong
place.
''Oh, yes, STRIP
And no venison?"
mot out of season, STRIP
The hungry looking stranger again
looked at his surroundings apprehen-
sively.
WELL" said he, perhaps you could
accommodate me with half a dozen
brook trout l want them crisp, but
not frizzled till they are chip dry. Half
a dozen will do
81 am sorry sir,' said the waiter,
with an apologize shake of his head;
but the brook trout season has Just
gone out"
What" exclaimed the stranger.
mo brook trout, either?''
"All the fault of the law, sir. We
nan give you salmon, sir"
IF had wanted salmon I'd have or
dered salmonr exclaimed the man. 81
do my own ordering"
The waiter bowed meekly and said
nothing. Finally, throwing himself
back in his chair resignedly, the GUS
toner said:
well, fetch me quail. Broiled, of
course. On toast. It's funny fellow
can't get anything but quail in these
so-called way-up restaurants. Fetch
me quail. I'll have to put up with it,
suppose"
A look akin to pain spread over the
walters face. He hated to disappoint
this fastidious customer, but there was
no way to avoid it.
VERY sorry, sir" he said, again
apologetically. But it's the law again,
sir. We positively could not serve you
November !, sir, but"
November" exclaimed the custom
or, tapping nervously on the table with
his knife. 'Great Heaven! Does this
establishment expect me to sit here for
four months waiting for it to bron me
q quailp The longer you have to wait
for your order to be served the higher
toned the restaurant is, / am aware,
but waiting four months for one is a
little too high-toned, it seems to mel"
The waiter wiped away the perspira-
ton that began to gather on his brow
and bowed again. Finally he plucked
up courage to say:
"Woodcock are in season. sir"
'Well, who denied it?'' reioined the
stranger. 81 know that woodcock are
in season. have had nothing else but
woodcock. woodcock, woodcock for
two weeks! l am not asking for infor-
nation, but for something to eat! Is it
possible I've got to fall back on bear
meatP 1t looks that way. But don't
fetch me piece one bit bigger than my
hand. Fetch me just one little piece of
bear steak, waiter, and have it well
done Rare bear is worse than raw
liver. A piece no bigger than my hand,
waiter, with brown gravy"
The waiter looked about him YEARLY.
The perSpiration trickled down his face.
He attempted smile as he turned to
his customer again, but it was a wan
and sickly one.
81 am afraid. sir" said he, ''that it is
hardly cold enough yet for bear"
Hardly cold enoughy' exclaimed the
persistent customer. "You don't suppose
1 want cold bear do you? You're afraid
It's not cold enough for bear, Ell? Well,
what do 1 care what your fears are?
They're nothing to me! Get me some
thing to eatl That's all ask of you
Do you mean to say that this estab-
lishment can't serve me any bear meatP'
The waiter, now in a state of almost
utter collapse, mopped his face and
stammered:
'I'm afraid-that is-Im obliged to
say, sir, that bear is not yet on our
menu"
The customer bit his lip as If to sup
press his indignation, and tapped the
table still more nervously with his
knife. The waiter seemed to be on the
point Of calling for help, when the GUS
toner said:
you've got bluefish, of courseY'
"Oh, yes, STRIP replied the waiter,
Frightening up and gaining strength.
Certainly you have!' exclaimed the
customer. "And bluefish are not fit ia
eat before October! Positively are not
At to eat before October!"
The waiter grew weak in the knees
again and shed more perspiration.
"And I'll bet dollar you can fetch
me sheepshead?" continued the Gus.
toner.
FINEST in the market, STRIP replied
the waiter, once more with hope.
ANY man who can eat a sheepshead
after once seeing the countenance OF
one would eat bis brother!" exclaimed
the customer in tone of disgust. "A
sign was never made to be eaten by
man. Pah!"
Hope left the waiter again. and he re-
signed himself to his fate. He wiped
away the perspiration and waited for
the customers next assault. The GUS
toner looked out of the window awhile,
and then said:
Have you any codfish?"
The waiter hesitated to acknowledge
that restaurant 80 first-class as that
served such an ordinary, everyday fish
as cod, fearing its effect on the critical
customer, but he at last acknowledged
that Goldfish was to be had there: The
stranger was silent a moment, and
said:
There is no better fish swims than
the cod"
This was so unexpected by the waiter
that it came near knocking him off his
feet But the big CLEAN of hope it re
vea1ed sustained him.
II am glad You have Goldfish" said
the customer. You may fetch me
some"
Certainly, SIR" said the waiter, now
entirely himself and ticxled to death