Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-01-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

-AtchiSon Globe.
Money has some human character
istics. 1t talks and it gets tight
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Somehow we never notice what those
people have on who come to US in our
trouble. -AtchiSou Globe.
You must hustle to win. In the jack
pot of life the man who is shy is not in
it.-IndiQHdp05is Journal.
Jinks-'.What black eve you have!
Been boxing?" Binks-''No; getting
boxed!"-B0st0n IraUejer.
1t seems to be easier to be a Napoleon
of Finance than to pay 100 cents on
Naturalization Journal.
Those waves remind me of the SER
wants had last year" so greene"
No. Breakers. "-FtgarO.
Very few hearts are ever so badly
broken that little golden salve will
not make them better than new
Boston IraUeler.
The days are "short" now because
there is not SO much time in them as
there was. and time is money.-PittS-
burg Chronicle.
Shady-"My reputation is very dear
to me-" Probably. Have to
pay cash for everything, don't you?"-
Detroit Free Press.
The earliest instance of gambling
known to history was when pair-o'
dice was thrown up by Adam and Eve.
st. Joseph Ne1Os.
Johnny-.What is a theory. pap"
Pa-'A theory. my son, is an impract-
icable plan for doing something that is
impossible. "-Puck.
When a well-known prevaricator de-
clared that he was afraid to lie Poots
replied that he had too mean an opinion
OF his own courage. Life.
What is the solution of the negro
problem?' demanded tho orator.
Observation-Disclosures" replied
man in the audience.-N Y San.
Dashaway-'I have fallen into the
! bad habit Of talking to myself lately"
CIeverton-"I wondered why You were
looking so bored. "-Harper's Bazar.
Singleton-"Are all typewriters
pretty?" Benedict-'WeiI, every
mans wife thinks that her husbands
is, anyway!'-Lau1ace american.
Simpson is q curious fellow; I
never knew him to laugh at n joke"
Then it's evident you never heard
him tell one himself. ~. Y. Times.
Alphonso-"Do you know, Miss
Maud, | WEAKLY had half mind lahsl
night" Miss Maud-"O, why didn't
iCrJ,t
Free Press.
Il can't imagine" said the lawyer,
| chow Il plot like that can continue
through five acts" 20, but YOU see,
in the second suit at law is begun"
-FLjegeasde Btatter.
A correspondent wants to know if
fits are hereditary" Any small boy
compelled to wear out his fathers old
clothes could tell him they are not
Indianapolis Journal.
Ceoppie-.'It's very disagreeable
when Il fellah goes into society to meet
ones tradespeope." Cynicus-"Whv.
| they don't dun YOU before the company,
do they2"-N. Y. Sun.
Teacher-.You think sin is an adj
jective do you? How would you COM
pare itP'' Smart Boy. Positive sin;
Comparative sinner; superlative,
cynic. "-Bufato Express.
Nature" says Scappleton. never
makes a mistake" 20, l don't know
about that; look at the dude" Yes;
but she didn't waste any brains on
him. - Washington Post,
Mrs. -.To-morrow is your
day out, believe, Louise?" Louise
(who once served Boston family)-
''To-morrow will be my day out,
madam. "-Mupsey's Weekly.
A Canadian doctor has Just been
testifying that murdered mans heart
stopped fright in the middle of beat"
That's nothing; policemen often do the
! same thing.-U1ica Herald.
Who is making all this t;,Ik?" asked
the vinegar bottle severely ut Il social
repast. Il am" said the champagne
bottle proudly from the head of the
table.-NeaO Orleans Pic hyuae.
Mr.. Bingo-"Here's bill for gas"
Mrs. Bingo-"But the gas has been
turned off all summer" Mr.. Bingo-
''Well, this is bill for the gas that
was turned off.".-M 7. Herald.
Bloomer Qo ragged urchin)-"Your
parents left YOU something when
they died, did they not?" Urchin-
%. yes. sir" Bloomer-''Wh did
they leave you?" Urchin-'An orphan,
sir. '-Epoch.
We'll. sir, we won the case.
but it was a pretty narrow victory"
Client-'Yes, | thought the other side
had us until YOU showed that their
principal witness was q fisherman
Aansey's Weekly.
Miss Porlington-"I understand that
Gilbert and Sullivan will meet again
and settle their differences" Miss
Bostone-"Tll bet "A rib Sullivan knocks
him out inside of three ccunds. y
Washington Star.
Sauso-'Brown is fine fellow. hut
he has never been the same since that
accident happened to him." Rodd-
Nv hat ACCIDENT" SausO-'Atter
making his fortune he got mashed on
himself. ~ y. Herald.
Phlanthropist-''You asked me for
a nickel to get something to eat with.
| gave it to you. and here you are
drinking Il glass Of beer" Tramp
Yes; but wait until you see ME get at
the lunch-counter."- Clutter.
observation-disclosures Henpeck getting
on since his marriage? He used to
VOW that no woman could ever get
ahead of him." Hagg-''O. he's still
in the lead, suppose; bet she's behind