St. Paul daily globe., 1891-05-31
SHARPS AND FLATS.
There's one most remarkable fact I've


There's one most remarkable fact I've OBJ
served.
The why Of it 1 can't explain
When you've carried your umbrella for forty
nine days,
For fear OF possible rain,
As sure as the fftieth morning comes round,
And you your umbrella forget,
Just SO sure will the flood gates of heaven be
open'd,
And you be left out in the wet
+ +
If there is anything on all the earth calcu-
lated to give the impression that all women
are idiots, it is the average womans maga-
zine. There is, first of all, the story of how
two girls were left without any means of
support. The curtain rises on them abso-
lutely disconsolate. Firt they furnish their
rooms with really nothing at all, make mag
nificent upholstered chairs out of dry
goods box and half yard of Calico paint
the walls "a warm tone of grey" and make
over their last years gowns with some scraps
of velvet they happen to have, and all that
sort of thing. Then they take summer board
ers, or bake brown bread. or write prize
stories, or raise chickens, and in about a
year they are wealthy. The old lover always
turns up then, and there's wedding 1t is
all so very easy that any girl can earn very
respectable living by following their advice.
In real life, sad to say, dry -goodsboX chairs
always come to pieces, and made over gowns
always proclaim their past history in every
fold. But they are lovely stories, for all that
and go to show what girls can do when they
try.
Then there is the perennial story of the
two young married people. Mary gradually
becomes peeYish and doesn't wear the pretty
clothes she used to, now that she has the
baby, and the sweeping, and the cooking,
and the marketing, and dressmaking. and
ironing, and callers, and goodness knows
what else to attend to. John begins to be
bored, and takes to calling on the pretty
widow. Mary cries. No man on earth can
Withstand a maGe-belieye sob, but the sight
of real tears with the inevitable accompani-
ment of red nose is revolving to con-
template. and John goes off in a temper
Then Mary turns over new leaf. She puts
on clean collar. and bright ribbon at her
throat, and greets John with a smile. The
collar does it. and John stays at home
SometiT es Mary firts little with somebody
who turns out to be engaged to her consin
Louisa, only John never knows it. Any
magazine for men that devoted SO
much time to the discussion of how to
manage wi yes as the women's papers devote
to how 10 manage husbands wouldn't have a
subscriber. The woman's paper is full of
things about men, but the mans paper
well. wives never need to be managed, or if
they do the need seems not to be glaring
enough to demand articles on the subject.
I +
Occasionally some newspaper writer,
when news is dull, starts anew the startling
statement of the prevalence of the drinking
habit among women in society. One is
solemnly assured OF the existence of private
bar rooms at the miliner's and dressmaker's,
and reads long accounts of how the society
girl can't get along without her morning
cocktail. Not long ago man VINO always
hears everything and tells it, confded
to me his belief that somewhere on
st. Anthony hill there was a private wine
room for women. He didn't know where it
was, but he felt positive it was there. / de-
veIoped detective abilities l had never sus
pected before. | limited casually of new
drinks to all the women L knew, with the re-
suit that delegation OF my friends visited
me and asked me to sign the pledge. 1 visited
every dressmaker's and milliner's on the hill.
l went to the druggists and called for don't
care soda water. 1t was dreadful mixture,
puI II was llOI all iulAIuIc. Cliidl1g,
one day, 1 thought had found the den of
inebrety. l went in. bought some trifles, and
suddenly became limp and dizzy. / com
planned of agonizing thirst, and begged for
something strong to drink The woman in
charge took me into a back room and placed
me on a sofa. In a moment she returned
with something sparkling III glass. eag-
erly grasped it and gulped it down. Wine?
Not bit of it. Ginger ale and very poor
ginger ale at that The den of feminine
inehriety is still at large