davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
"a LITTLE NONSENSE"

"A Hopeless Case.-He-"What way
shall we go homer" she-''rhe short
est" Then he gave up all hope.
Small girl latter eating pepper
mint drop)-"Whew-ee! don't it make
your mouth y?"-Kate Fields
Washington.
-"Oh, know all about babies" said
Harlow to the young mother, who was
afraid he would let her little one fall;
81 was one myself once"
"A Trade Secret -Custome "Why
do you spell cream, creme?" Clerk lin
burst of confidence)-"So that we
can charge higher price for it,
Yankee Blade.
Its unaccountable." he said, as he
stood on the scales. after walk on the
beach. "Pve gained five pounds in one
hour" '"Have you emptied the sand
out of your shoes?" she ed.-Harp-
er's Bazaar
-Waiter-"Guests usually remember
the waiter here, SIR" Uncle Si-"Do
they? Wa'al, I'll take a good look at
we. You amt got no marks, but I
guess III know ye again when sec
yc." IN. Y. Press
An Added Test. "Why do you not
eat your apple, Tommy?" "I'm waitin'
till Johnny Briggs comes along. Apples
tastes lots better when there's some
other kid to watch you cat 'em."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Barber Ito Irish custome. ~
Gracious! How unanimously your
hair has adjournedl Better try some
of my tonic; it will bring the hair all
out again" Customer-'Ther
shmall sinse in repatin' the operation,
sorl It's out alridy, an let is shtay
out Boston Journal.
-Rhubarb Pie. = Physician -'Did
your husband take the rhubarb as
prescribed?" Mrs. Flanagan-"Yes,
sor, but the poor mon like to have died
bekase Of it" Physician-"Why, I'm
surprised. How much did he take at O
dose?" Mrs. Flanagan-"A whole poy,
sor "-Pharmaceutical Era.
"A Good Keepsake.-Mr. Noodle
Give me, dearest, ere you go, some
thing that can wear next my heart,
TO remember you by" Miss Emeline-
All right, mother has brought some
real nice mustard plasters, and I'll give
you one of them. I trust you will re-
member me II you wear it"-Phar-
maceutical Era.
-He Was an Honest Man.-Five or
six persons saw him pick up ten-dol-
lar gold piece from the floor Of the
street-car, and two or three said stimuli
taneously: II dropped that" "rm an
honest man" replied the finder. "and
II knew who lost this would restore
it but none of you fellows own 1t. The
man who dropped 1t got off the car
three squares back. Smith, Gray s.
Co.'S Monthly.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
THE cnIL1As ArrA1R.
Government Omcials Not lnclinod to Dis.
cuss the Matter.

cuss the matter.
: WASHINGTON, Dec. Speciall-
Officials of the State and Navy Depart
ments observed a studied reticence to.
day in regard to the CHILEAN affair. 1t
was learned, however, that no commuu.
ications have been received from Chilli
by either department. since Thursday
last, when the Secretary of State re-
ceived long message from Minister
Egan.
While no positive information can be
obtained as to the exact character of
this message, it is known to have refer
ence to the case of political refugees
now under the protection of the Ameri-
can minister. 1t is unders TODD that no
action will be taken by this government
until it is officially advised OF the result
OF the investigation by the Gillian au-
thorities of the killing of the sailors of
tho Baltimore.
The United States ship Boston left
Montevideo on tho II tn instant I'd will
reach Valparaiso in day or two.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
PERsoNAL AND lMPERsoNAl.

L III.
-Henry Willard, the famous railroad
man, began lifo as reporter, but as
he did not happen TO be a favorite with
the city editors he was compelled to
throw up his job and become o million
aire.
AS a dancer the kaiser is not q sue
cess. He is stiff and unbending as n
ra1nrod. He whirls with great rapid
of his way-not so much from respect
for royalty as to prevent broken shins
and torn costumes
There is n thrifty farmer in the
west who pays twenty five cents day
less to those of his hands who work in
the field nearest to the railroads. This
he does because they stop whenever
the trains go by, and so lose one-sixth
of their working time.
The oil excitement at Mcdonald,
Pa, has poured wealth into the laps
of several poor people. The luckiest
so fur heard from is Mrs. BERTHE Nc
Callum, who from small piece of land
she once tried to sell for $3.50 has
already received S25, 600 in rentals.
The Corean minister at Washing
ton and his wife are often uni que feat
ures OF the theaters. which it is their
delight to attend They have box,
and when the curtain rises. they bring
their chairs close to the railing, and,
with elbows on knees, lean forward
and watch the play with unmistakable
delight painted on their faces
Mrs. Grover Cleveland is a very
cautious letter-writer, never using o
sheet of paper when the reply can be
written on a visiting card. The ideas
OF Mr.. Pendennis and the ex-president
are alike regarding letters, and his
charming wife submits the correspond
ence OF the day to him, with the sweet
privilege of sealing or destroying it.
"A timid man, living alone in the
outskirts of Hartford, has hit upon a
novel device for soaring away burglars
Each night upon retiring he places
huge pair of boots outside of every
bedroom door in the house to convey
the impression that every chamber is
occupied by an able-bodied man. A
burglar who happened in would think
he had struck hotel.
Fifteen keen and courageous Cor
sicians form the cars body-guard.
NY accompany thC car dlIuOSCeVerY-
where, sometimes in uniform; and have
even to keep watch in the imperial
kitchen and occasionally act as cooks.
Three OF them can never be convinced
that the wine has not been drugged,
and they insist upon tasting" fresh
bottles three or four times day.
An American woman returning per.
manently to her native home after
long residence in japan says that her
chief sorrow in leaving the Mikado's
land was due to the fact that she had
to give up her collection of teapots. 'I
had over five hundred of Them" she
walls, every one gem, and it took
me days Of thought and choosing to
select the fifty 1 permitted myself to
bring home with me-"
The first time the emperor of Aus
tria ever donned frocls coat and silk
hat was in 1867, when he went to visit
the Paris exhibition as Napoleon Ill 8
guest Little pleasure did he take in
these garments, and he has never worn
the like of them since he left Paris At
home or abroad he is always in uni
form, except when he goes out shoot
Ing, and then he wears the Tyrolese
costume, with green worsted CATERS
and legs bare at the knee in the High
land fashion.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
WILL you have a lead pencil?
Field Indicted for Larceny.

NEW YORK, Dec, 21.-ISpeciall =
Two indictments were returned to-day
against Edw. M. Field, Of the defunct
firm of Field. Lindley, Weicher & Co.,
by the grand jury. Both indictments
specify grand larceny in the first degree
and are based on complaint made by
Frank j. Sprague, who charges Field
with larceny of $50 shares of the Edison
Electric Light Companys stock which
he gave as collateral for borrowed
money.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
ROANOKE, VA, DEC. 90, 1891.
THE DEATH OF PLUMB.

BY the death of Senator Plumb the
Republican party loses bulwark of
strength and the South friend. His
was not the brilliancy of ingalls,, but he
was the superior of the cynical and de-
feated one in solid worth. Tho essen
tial difference between Ingalls, and
Plumb was the distance between dia-
mond and field Of wheat. They were
not measurable in the same units or to
be judged by the same standards.
ingalls, was the main loser by his own
defeat; Kansas loses by the death of
Plumb. Ingalls, was his own preferred
creditor in his political bankruptcy.
Tho death OF Plumb leaves Kansas the
gold of his sterling record.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
THE ROANOKE TIMES Lead Pencil FIR,
Loves Labor Not Lost.

HAVE you trouble in your house?
Have you trouble with your partner?
Have you failed in business? Do you
expect to buy or sell property? Do you
expect to enter into any business, such
as law suits partnership, stock or min
ing investments? Young ladies and
gentlemen that have love affairs would
do we'll to call on the Madame.
She makes home troubles q harmony
or peace and happiness to prevail forever,
And she aids in bringing the separated together.
Call and see the renowned clairvoyant,
Madame Mcdonald, over First National
Bank.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
WILL you have a lead pencil?
Italy and the United statss

ROME, Dec. 21-Baron Fava, the late
italian minister to the United States,
was summoned to this city recently,
and had long conferences with the pres
dent of the council on President Harri.
sons message, He has now returned
to Naples. 1t Is asserted On good au.
thority that diplomatic relations will
shortly be re-established with America.
Baron Fava will not return to Wash
ington, but will be transferred to some
other diplomatic post, and some other
diplomat will be sent to Washington.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

No LOCAL significance is attached to
the bank failures in the valley yester-
day. The banks are understood to have
been speculative institutions. They
have no business relations of conse-
quence with the banks of Roanoke, and
these failures will not cause ripple in
the financial circles of Roanoke.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

RUMoRs from the inner circles of the
half a dozen Councilmen, whole board
of aldermen and a handful of other Off
Gals were smothered.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

THE free silver advocates are getting
moro cheerful. A bi-chloride of gold
sanitorium for the cure of the whiskey
habit is about to be established in Ken
lucky. This is regarded as death blow
to the single standard.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
WILL you have red lead pencil?
Emperor Francis Joseph Has tho Grim,

PARIS Dec. 81. = Especial - The
Vienna correspondent Of La Paix tele.
graphs that the Emperor Francis
Joseph, who some days ago was suffer-
ing from cold, but had almost entirely
recovered, has suffered relapse and is
now the victim Of the prevailing cpl
demic OF influenza. The special further
states that the Emperor's attack Ia OF
rather serious nature.
TIE ROANOKE TIsRs Load par,fi Ero.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

ROANOKE city came near being left
out in the cold in the senatorial reap
portionment.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

CHRISTMAS comes but once year and
the average citizen generally wishes it
could have fallen on the Goth of Febru-
airy.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

THE public property committee still
holds to the opinion that once jail al
ways Jail is the best policy.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

WHAT is the matter with the charter
committee?
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22
PROFESSIONAL.

A DDICKS & WERNWAG, ELEC.
IA tricians and machinists, EOS Com
merce street. Estimates given on all
kinds of electrical work. Machinery
repaired. Work guaranteed. nov7-lyr.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

JOHN II. WRIGHT. b. LACY uoer
WRIGHT & HOGE, Attorneys-at-Law,
Roanoke, Va, Room 6, MoomaN
Building, Jefferson street. Courts-Roa
noke city and county, and Craig ano
Botetourt counties. Special attention
given to collection of claims. mar4-1y
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

G HAMILTON GRAVES,
NJ ATToRNEY-AT-bAw,
Roanoke, Va. Office, ZIG Commerce
street, over 1.-The Roanoke Savings
bahK. nov17-1y
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

a MICH. GISH,
ATTORNEY-AT-LA
No. z Campbell Street s. w.
dec6-1yr ROANOKE, VA.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

THE ROANOKE TINEs Lead Pencil Free.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-22

wv S. GooCH. ATT'Y-AT-LAw.
w . Room S, second floor, AS
berry Building, ROANOKE, VA.
Courts: All the courts OF Roanok,
City and County. Telephone %. ocseE
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-08-02
Lines on Ocean Paradise.
fVVri'ten for ths DisDatrn.1

Ten miles beyond the bounds OF land,
That land called well tho Eastern Shore"
There lies an island OF the sea,
Which brings to all who hear its name
Sweet thoughts Of many happy tiihe'
Oh. Cobbs-dear Cobbs-how can speak
In language fitting al thy praise!
Where mirth and 10Y and ceaseless fun'
Who're bathing fine end fishing good
And walks ana driving all combine
10 Danish Jar the sense OF care;
And freedom real zach one can have
To scorn the rule Of fashions wand,
And strive each day to bear the PAIN
OF dressing worse than all the rest
While those who choose can leave this plan
And please good taste by dressing Vel.
ssBlled shirts aud nshing-iackets too
Unite with silks aud ginghams well.
TO choose what one will wear IL nice
Here, custom does not change that WILL
To don the garD OF bathcrH tne
And meet a crowd upon the walk
Belongs TO those who have the luck
OF living in the "Eicn'nOnd House"
While mortals In the hotel. too,
Can dare 70 shock tho finest taste"
BY turbans and by water-pr0ois,
And other kinds Of costumes rare!
How sad for those who cannot feel
The charm Of this delightful sea,
Whose safety, warmth as well as surf,
Combine in one IDEAL bath
AS visions OF the past come up
And dip In many briny deep
The sense Of justice makes one cay
That more Of them compare with Cobb's!
But--bciter still-the charming glow
And vigor-as II made anew
Which marks the end o; every bath
And MAKES one long 70 go again!
Yet those who cannot feel the good
Which bathing never fails to bring
Can sail upon the lovely bay
And feel the kiss Of breezes fresh;
off ha
And breathe an air diyinely pure!
What need have We Of other things
Such things as men are wont 10 prize1
Yet ten-pins, cards, and suppors, 100,
(And fights, alas y can Gen be had.
While those who care 10 praise the Lord
And ind Sabbath's happy rest
Can always make chance 70 meet
And ming!e hearts before His throne.
10 steal a seat wherever found
(Nhen owners back II only tlrned)
j. not sin Of 30 great power
TO bring O scoxl or cen tear.
What care we, when the rain comes down,
The porches fail 20 keep us dry?
WHAT boots II that there Is no mar
Of graceful shape or comfort great7
Another year we know the-e'l be
(Our host has given us his worry
4 wealth Of easy chairs around
With many other comforts great.
And rustic seets and awnings nice
win tai o tho place OF logs and planAs
For thos. who go upon tho beach
10 scan The forms of bather5 bold.
Then let Us return 70 CoOb's
And bring q friend Of genial kind
To taste with us the many Joys
And find reireshment In It's air.
A FRIEND OF C0BB's.
Holiins, Va, July. 1901.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-08-02
NOT AT ALL A GAG.
How Woman Made Money By Getting
Historical Fits In Dcpots.

whats the matter with the lndy?" in
quired Pittsburg Dispd'ch reporter of o
physician who was working with a woman
at the Union depot Yesterday. She was
lying on ono OF the benches, and apparent
ly had had fainting spell.
"Oh, she has had hysterical fit" he re-
piled carelessly. she is all right and no.
body need be worried about her. This wo-
man may TO all right, but have my doubts
about l..
/" I had hard work trying to open her
eyelids. and she evidently held them. 1t
is an old gag. you know, of some women
to fains IN public places. where they can
exotic sympathy and have collection
taken.
"Iknow Of one who used to have hys-
tericai spells with great regularity at ho-
tells and depo,s. Invariably money was
collected for her benefit. and she walked
OF with the stun only to faint away again
III another public place.
" She always had pathetic tale to tell.
and 1t took the police good while before
they tumbleI TO her swindling game. 1t
is an easy matter for woman to become
hysterical, anil they can bring on the TIT
when thew feel like If. ~
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-08-02
A VERY MEAN TRICK.
The boys Took Advantage Of His Isuo-
rance OF Horse.

About tho funniest thing ever wit
nesscd," remarked Colonel William Ster-
ritt. OF the Galveston Ne,cs. to n Washing.
ton Posf man. was one night up on Row.
I'd. Barrett. Of the Atlanta Constitution. had
bought what purported TO be horse.
The thing Twas terribly dilapidnted
specimen, and he had bought fine saddle
and bride, worth twice as much rs the
horse-yes, I'll cali il q horse.
Well. this animal was tied in front Of the
Occidental Building, and when crowd Of
US found out 1t belonged TO Barrett we
concluded to have some fun at his ex-
pense.
What do you think OF my horse, Bill p
he asked of me as he stepped up.
Barrett, Is this yours?' answered.
Certainly: paid $50 for him Yesterday
and got big bargain."' The boys whis-
tied, and sid:
Why. Barrett. that thing Is on his last
legsl Had no idea it was yours. When we
came up he was lying on the pavement.
You can never got out home on il tonight.
am talking TO you "a o friend. There IS
not money enough in the Treasury to get
me To ride that thing. and especially after
dark
lie pulled me over 10 one side and asked
me If really meant what said about the
horse. ! told him did. lie concluded TO
remain IN town, gave negro boy htty
cents 70 lead the horse to stable. and next
day sold him for S27.J0-aoout the cost Of
saddle and br.dle.n
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-08-02
HOLES IN THE AIR.
Persons Going About in Balloons Should
Beware OF Them.


II. Hennequiu, Of Paris. France, who
has had some experience in aerial naviga-
ton. arrived in the city yesterday from San
Francisco ON his way home. SAYS the Chi
cago Times. Mr.. Hennequin was in Fonte-
nav at the time 1isslndier and Cover had
their startling adventure in a balloon:
The traveller is an intimate friend of
Cover. and tells the story of their fall OF
mile as the balloonist related il. TO him:
They assembled from Tissindier's house
in Paris and hoated of towards Vincenpes.
and. as the wind was somewhat strong
from the northeast, the two men soon dis
appeared from the view OF Paris, having
risen to height of 100 feet.
when they had reached Fontenay.
however they were fully 5000 feet above
the earth. They were sailing along
smoothly. watching the scenes below,
when suddenly they seemed to fall into
hole IN the atmosphere, and down they
went of terrific rate.
"Gower glanced st the needle OF the
vertical scale. 1t was travelling with
lightning speed. A roar filed their ears,
and both men thought their time had
come. Nothing had happened to the bal
loon. 1t was in perfect condition. but
there seemed to be no air TO hold 1t up.
"Tissindier desperately threw out sand
bags. They were falling 80 rapidly that
the bags were LETT far behind and disap-
peared above them. The earth seemed to
be rushing at them with the speed OF q
comet.
There seemed to be no atmosphere
left. and they could scarcely breathe. As
q last resort Tissindier threw over the an-
chor and the remaining ballast. and the
big balloon. after rush of mile through
the air, regained its poise and they were
saved. The earth was but fifty feet be-
low"
This goes TO show" continued Mr..
Hennequin. that too much precaution
cannot be observed in carrying plenty OF
ballast. There are in the air occasional
rarefections, and when q balloon once
gets into one Of them it drops like piece
OF lead. Cover and Tssindler sailed into
a veritable pit in the air. and had they not
had lots of ballast aboard they would
have been dashed TO pieces"
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-08-02
POPPING THE QUESTION.
A Systematic Method That VIII Help inc
BashfuI Young Man.
london Tii-Bits. J

london Tid-Bits.l
Don't be too sudden about 1t. MANY :,
girl has said "Nor when she meant es
SIMPLY because her lover didn't choose inc
right time apd pop the question gently. 4.
Take dark night for IT. Have .ne
blinds closed, the curtains down, ana Tue
lamp turned most out. SIT near enough "
her so you can hook your little nnger in'o
hers. -
Wait until the conversation begins 10
flag and then quietly remark: :,
"Susie. / want to ask you something,
She will 6dget about little and prooa'
by yf 5eglSS'
After pause you may add: -
"Sus;e. inv actions must have shown
that is. you must have soen-l mean you
mugt have been aware that"
Pause hero for q while, but keep your
littlo finger firmly locked. She may cough
and try TO turn the subject OIL by ASKING
Won how you liked the sermon. but she
ONLY does it to encourage you. After
pause you can continue:
~ was thinking, as | was coming mp the
street tonight that before went away 1
would ask you-that ls. would hroach tne
subject nearest MY mean would know
ny"
Stop ngain md give her hand gentle
snneeZe. she may make move TO get
away or she may not. In either case ],
augurs we'll for your Wait five minutes
and then GO on: ..,.
The last year has been very hhppy
ono 10 me, but l hope ;hat future wears
will lie still happier. However, that de-
ponds entirely on you. am here to-night
to krow-that u 10 ask you-l ain here to-
nish, TO boai from your own sweet Ups the
one sweet"
Wait again. It isn't best to be too rash
about sucn things. Give her plenty. OF
time to recover her composure. and then
put your hand ON your heart ana con-
tinue:
"Yes. thought ns was comins, here to-
NIGHT how happy I'd been, and said to
mvaeif that # | only knew you would con-
sent 20 he mY-that is, | said If ! only
kncw-if was only certain that my heart
had not deceived nc and you were ready
TO share" E.
Hold on-theres no hurry about 1t.
Give the wind chance TO sob ana moan
outside among the trees. This will make
her lonesome and call up all tue owe IN
her heart. When she begins to cough ana
grow restless you can go on.
before | met you this world was q
desert to me. didn't take any pleasure
in life. and il didn't matter whether the
sun shone or not. But WHAT chahge IL
one short year. It's for you to say whether
my future shall be prairie OF happiness OF
ore long and never-ending pathway OF
thistles. Speak, dearest Susie, and say
and say that" ,
GIVE her FIVE minutes more by the CLOCK
and then add:
"Ihat you-you will be-that is. thai
you WILDE mine "
She will heavc sigh, look up at The
clock. and round the room, and then q
she slides her head over your vest-pocke'
she will whisper:
"Henry-I will"
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-08-02
THE RICHMOND DISpATCH-SUNDAY. AUGUST 2. 1891.

more marked degree than in the judiciary.
The judicial annals OF every cish-
lied country are continually fur t,snt
ing fresh illustrations of this impor.ans
and encouraging fact, and numerous
instances could be pointed out IN
the United States. Henry W. blodge,a,
who has for twenty years been the Su aSs
Of the United States District Court for .ns ,
Northern district Of Illinois,, ha, Just
reached tho age Of seventy, and under ,ng
law could retire on pension for lie e q
to his salary. but he declines TO ava, st Mia liz
self Of the privilege. He says that sis
health is good; that he feels, perfectly y
competent to keep at work. and that ~
has grown so used to work that he wou'u
not know how to get along without u, ,a,o
An exactly parallel case is that OF Juagc
Robert W. Hughes. of the United states ate
District Court for Eastern District OK VIZ
einia. He also declines to retire, slthou ga
entitled to do SO by reason on NC 90
length of service. and for the same req
soma