The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-06-21

punch Oh OrCnlus. A llJtke woman VINO ndu
been married eight years, and who was the
proud possessor of two pairs Of twins. an
nounced that love was all very well in iti
way, and that the first year or two of your
married life you were always de"
votedly fond Of Charley, but when
it came to real satisfaction, give her
babies" Nobody denied her her privilege. A
man about 60. who really knew what he
was talking about, said that Love was like
champagne-everY fresh glass seemed the
best, while bachelor of AS said, "You
know it is very nice to have little woman
fond of you, and all that sort Of thing, but
never allow yourself to get fond OF her; you
will spoil her.n Inasmuch as everybody
knew that he was under the complete con
troll of a woman who weighed about ninety
pounds, 1t was more than charming to hear
him make this announcement
LOVE IS LIKE ICE CREAM.
For my own part. think love is very
much like hokey-pokey ice cream. The day
is warm, the sign is attractive, you stand
and read "Hokey-pokey ice cream, only
cent square," You are weary, you are
warm, you feel in your pocket, you find the
cent, you know that You are going to get q
delicious mouthful that will make you, o
so happy You walk up to the cart " here
love--I mean hokey-pokey ice cream is
sold; you lay down your penny, you dc
mand your square. It's given to you on a
piece of brown paper; it looks fas
cinating; you walk back TO the pave
ment, and you conclude not to take it down
in gulp, but to enjoy it by slow mouthfuls-
AT FIRST it Is delightful. The second mouth
full is cool. but suggestive Of oleomargarine
the third mouthful is waxy and sticky; and
then you take the last with q wry face and
are Disguised with yourself for buying 1t
feel that it has upset your heart--I NEAR
your stomach--and that you never wan
any more again. And you don't, until th'
next time you Fare warm and the enticinG
hockey. pokey comes along to lead you t6
new loves and new Pains.
THE BRAINS SPRING DISEASE.
/ regard love as the spring disease of tht
brain. The system is all upset, and we taxi
sulphur aud mOlasses and spots come out or
our faces and we feel generally diabolical
Then the heart and the brain get themselve
agitated, and the girls and boys get to think
ing themselves the only persons in the work
who thoroughly understand the advantage
and delights Of hokey-pokey ice cream.
mean love-and so they rush out with thei
complimentary coin seeking whom Uhel
may devour. This springtime taucy maj
last during the summer days, but at last
like the hokey-pokey ice cream, il disap
pears Ia the early autumn and platonie
and chestnuts take its place. feel that
have said all that can about love. / trus
that have given some tips to the unwarl
as to the eatingof hockey pokey or love.
woMAN's RACING Tip"
Apropos of tips, am not very super
stitious women, that is no more so than
women who feels what life really 10 or ough
to be. But there was something about I
race the other day that seemed little bi
odd. l had no intention whatever Of going
but the night before l dreamed that wa
there and that | saw the board 60 up an
nouncing tho winners. People wore con
graduating me on having made SO muc
money. and was frantically waving 10 tn
morse as he was led of the track, and ey
pressing my devotion to the jockey, VIII
was as black as the ace of spades. When
Weakened up in the morning | had tn
paper brought me Il really would rather &
without my coffee than my newspaper).
said to the maid who brought it: Find tn
racing column and let me stick a hairptn Il
it.n She held ii an arms length from me 8
that l could not possibly read. / stuck tn
hairpin in, and there 1t was, same horse
Then said: ~ don't know its number, bu
l will count thirteen up and down until
see which horse is thirteen" You won
mind nay saying "I'll be jiggered" when
discovered it was the same horse.
NO WONDER THE MEN LIKE HER.
That day l told my story to two or thre
men, and each one of them offered me larg
sums to put on it $3.50 seems a very larg
sum to woman, but declined, for fear th
horse might lose. l didn't go TO the race
but the first news sent 10 me by Telegram
was that that horse had wonl Now, ever
man know feels that l insulted him pei
sonally, and kept him out OF good thing
and that | did 1t on purposel How could
help It, that | was given q mysteriou
power? Tho objection that | have to II a.
was that 1t didn't do the same the mex
night, and give me the name Of the winnir
horse, for 1 should have plunged with th
enthusiasm of a donkey, and probabl
would have lost There is no special mora
to this story; it is just statement Of fact
THINGS THAT ARE FUNNY AND OTHERWISE
Facts are sometimes funny things.
1t is a fact that If we want to live we hav
got to pay our bills; that isn't funny.
It is fact that if We go to the races an
bet we occasionally win, and that Is funny
1t is a fact that the little babies are goln
to suffer terribly, and die from lack of foo
and care in this great, rich city, and that
not funny.
1t is fact that girl VINO mas once pee
told her waist Is small will draw herself |
until she looks like an elongated hour-glas
and that is funny.
1t is fact that there are some men VIII
are brutal aud selfish in their own home
, and polite and delightful outside of then
and that Is not funny.
i 1t is a fact that red parasol with uiC
girl under it can do great deal toward IL
| fiuencing young man, and that Is funn.
1t is fact that there are thieves, Grim
mails, liars, scandsl-mongers and doors of o
| evil, who, if they had ever the chance. I
had ever had helping hand put out
| them, wouldn't be what they are, and th
| is not funny.
| 1t is a fact that there is no subject
woman likes to talk about as much as he
self, and that is funny.
| It is fact if l keep thrusting facts q
you you will throw your paper down, ar
| you will say, THAT is not funny" BAB.
Stand Your Ground.