Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-07-10
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Common brown sugar may be the
sweetest, but loaf sugar is more refined.
-7eras SJtinqs.
There is no menace implied when
manufacturing dentist shows his teeth.
Boston Courier.
The Prince of Wales is suffering from
rheumatism. 1t was brought on, prob
ably, by the recent exposure concerning
his debts. Chicago Tribune.
She-"A penny for your thoughts. "
He-"But they are worth their weight
in gold" She-"Well, half-penny,
then. Indianapolis journal
An Indianapolis man has lived thirteen
years with his wife and does not know
her first name. He probably calls her
"Say. ."-New York Recorder.
mamma, "mayn't take the part of
milkmaid at the fancy balll" "You
are too little" swell, can be a con-
densed milkmaid. - Good Neacs.
In France some soldiers are trained to
ride the bicycle. We presume the first
thing they have to &c .uire is the right
eel.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Fond Papa-"I've brought you home
an English pug, my dear" Enraptured
Daughter-"Oh, you dear, good papa; /;
it's just like you" Princeton Tiger.
You can sometimes remove the soreness
from sprin or wrench with porous
plaster, but you can't remove porous
plaster with wrench. NeDs.
The man who in sudden shower
Shares your umbrella on the street,
Is always very sure to be
Taller than you by several feet.
Detroit Free Press.
Winks. "I don't like Hardhead.
Minks: .'He's a fellow who thinks he
knows it oil, isn't hel" Winks. Worse.
He does know it all, and proveA it,
Good News.
Harry-"Bo-hoo! boo-ho. Fred> =
Jones keeps hitting me. Nurse-An
why don't you hit him backs Harry-I
did hit him first and it didn't do any
good. Life.
"Talk about your spoon fad, said the
brakeman, as he waved his cap to girl
at the last o. ton. "I'd like to see a
daisier collection of spoons than NINE"
- Washington Post.
ssNo SIR" exclaimed the politician at
the ward caucus, ''there is too much
talk about helping politicians. All we
want is to be allowed to help ourselves"
-Neto York Recorder.
For heroic but vain endeavors to look
pleased nothing can equal the facial ex-
pressions Of two girls compelled to dance
with each other, on account Of the scare
ity of the mcn.-Terds Siftings.
If everybody improved the minutes
with the zeal hen puts into her work
while making a surreptitious five-minute
call in flower garden, what world
this would bel-Le,oiston Journal.
Ethel-"That is portrait of young
r.ord Fitznoodle." Margaret-"He ap-
: to be prematurely gray" Ethel
"1 md all the gray matter is on the
outside,~ eis head. - Brooklyn Life.
Someone once said that he could al
most hear the grass grow. We dis
believed him until, while crossing
Holmes field the other day, we distinctly
heard it mown.-Haruard Lampoots.
ave been on this road twenty years,
and know what l am talking about"
said the conductor to a passenger who
complained of the slow time. Twenty
years!" gasped the passenger. "What
station did you get on atg"-Haroard
Lampoon.
Orator-tI appealed to him as he lay
there in Jail; / impressed him with a
sense of his despicable condition, and
the .sror of his ways; and when got
through talking, he semed oh! = so
grateful" tAnd then he wondered why
the audience laughed. Puck.
Fweddy-"Baw Jove, Cholly, when
that nasty. ugly dawg twied to bite me
just stopped still and looked at him
like this-and, baw Jove, he turned
wound and wan off. Wasn't that gweat
pwesence of minda" Cholly-s'It was,
indeed, ole chappie. Who would have
expected to see it in dog1"- Chicago
Tribune.