Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1891-03-06
WIT AND IIUMOR.

istics. 1t talks aud it gets tight
PittSburg Chronicle.
Somehow we never notice what those
people have on who come to US in our
trouble. -AtcAiSOn GldCe.
You must hustle to win. In the jack
pot of life the man who is shy is not in
it, indianapolis Journal.
Jinks-"What black eye you have!
Been bookings" Binks-''No; getting
DISQUALIFICATION 1raveier.
j: seems to he easier to he Napoleon
of Finance than to pay 100 cents on
dollar. -Eea0iSton Journal.
Those waves remind me of the SER
wants had last year" 80 greens"
mo. Breakers. Figaro.
Very few hearts are ever so badly
broken that II title golden salve will
not make them better than new
Boston 1rdvele,.
The days are "short" now because
there is not so much time in them as
there was. and time is money.-PittS-
burg Chronicle.
Poet-"I sent you some verses this
morning." EltOr-"All right. Ill
see that You ge. them back right away"
~ \. World
Shady-"My reputation Is very dear
to me-" Ontot-"Prohahly. Have to
pay cash for everything, don't you?"-
Detroit Free Press.
The earliest instance OF gambling
known tc history was when a pair-o'
dice was thrown up by Adam and Eve.
st. Joseph Ne1CS.
Johnnv-"What is a theory. pap"
Pa-"A theory, my son. is an impract-
icable pla1 J0r doing something tnat is
impossible. "--P0ck.
When n well-known prevaricator de-
clared that he was afraid to lie Poots
replied that he had too mean an opinion
Of his own courage. Life.
What is the solution OF the neglo
problem?' demanded the orator.
-Four -forty-four." replied a
man in the audience.-M y. Sun.
Dashaway-"I have fallen into the
bad habit of talking to myself lately"
Cleverton--"I wondered why you were
looking so bored. "-Harper'S Barar.
Singleton-"Are all typewriters
mans wife thinks that her husbands
is. anywaym-LasCrence american.
Simpson is a curious fellow; l
never knew him to laugh at joke. y"
.Then it's evident YOU never heard
him tell one himself. y. Times.
Alphonso-"Do you know, Miss
Maud. / WEAKLY had half a mind lahSt
night" Miss Maud-'O. why didn't
you call on me last ight?"-DetroH
Free Press.
Il can't imagine" said the lawyer,
show plot like that can continue
through five acts" 20. but you see.
ia the second suit at law is begun
-FIiegende Butter.
A correspondent wants to know if
fits are hereditary" Any small boy
compelled to wear out his fathers old
clothes could tell him they are not
Indianapolis Journal.
Ceoppie-''Its very disagreeabe
when II fcllah goes into society to meet
ones tradcspeople. Cynicus-"Whv.
ivy NOa huh Nbh bNlOAC NhO NOulp .
do they?'-M J. Sun.
Tencher-'You think sin is an adj
ieetive. do YOU? How would you COM
pare it?" Smart Boy-"Positive, sin;
comparative. sinner; superlative.
cynic."-Bu6aio Express.
Mature" SAYS Scnpplcton, ''nevel
makes Il mistake" 20, don't know
about that; look at the dude" Yes;
but she didn't waste any brains on
him. Washington lost.
a Canadian doctor has inst been
testifying that murdered mans heart
stopped right in the middle Of neat. "
That's nothing; policemen often do the
same thing. Utica Herald.
who is making all this talk?" asked
tho vinegar bottle severely at n social
repaSt. Il am" said the champagne
bottle proudly from the head of tho
tabIe.-Nc10 Orleans Ptcdyune.
Mr. Here's bill for gas"
Mrs. Bingo-"But the gas has been
turned oil all summer" Mr.. Bingo-
well. this is bill for the gas that
was turned Mn y. Herald.
Bloomer Ito ragged urchin) -"Youl
parents lefs you something wher
they died, did they notp Urchin-
20. yes, sir" Bloomer-"What die
they leave you?' Urchin-"An orphan,
sir. Epoch.
Lawyer-"Weil. sir, we won the case
Int it was pretty narrow victory
Cliont-''Yes, l thought the other side
had VS. until you showed that theiI
principal witness was q fisherman
1lhs"seys Weekly.
Miss Porkiugton-"I understand tina
Gilbert aud Sullivan will meet again
and settle their diffennces." Mis-;
Bostoue-"rll bet rib Sullivan knock,
him out inside of three rounds.
Washington Star.
Sauso-''Brown is a fine fellow. bu
he has never been the same since tina
accident happened to him." Rodd-
'aVhat accidentp" Sauso-"Afte
making his fortune he got mashed OF
himself."-N y. Herald.
Caller-"Whatd do you think of tn
Berlin idea of uniformiug reporters2'
American E,litor--"Put reporters II
UNIFORM Nonsensei Uniformed re
poYters would be of no more 6se In de
tectin or srinne than so many policemen