Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-10-15

RSDAY, OCTOBER l
IIUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughabie
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists Of
Our Own Day.
Different Views About 1t.
Farmer Closetlst-M Marian, what'd
yer like ter hev fur yer birthday
present?
Maria--A gold breast-pin. What
yer goin' ter give me?
Farmer Closcfst-~I hain't decided
yit 'twixt pair o stockings an the
calf | give John last Chris mas. -
jewelers. Weekly.
Change in the Tune.
Darkley Ghc convict, eying the
package 1--we been tryin' to live q
better life an quit bein' Il tough since
you was here last, mister.
Member Of the Prison Reform As
soviation-I'm very glad, Peter.
Here's Il little remembrance for you.
Darklcy-(opening the package)-
Git out O here, you low-down, SWIVEL.
ing, putty-faccd, bagged-kneed son
of-a-gun! Thought them was cigars.
Judge.
Explanatory.
Gratitied Parent am delighted
that you did not attend the So-called
sacred concert to-day, my son. Such
things are Il dissertation Of the Sab
bath. And | hope you passed your
time more protltably.
Son-~Well, yes; you see had an
engagement with Dick Dolers to &C
fishing, and went. --PittSburg Bullc-
tin.
She Drew the Line.
Miss Hownow-Wcll, Bridget, you
didn't stay long at the Ocean Swell
House. Was the work too hard tol
you?
Mrs. McGinty-Oh, no, mum: il
was not the worruk Oh moindcd; it il
the indecent way they had of making
the gurls ate the same things as tn,
boarders. Boston Courier.
Two Views.
Miss Emersonia Russell Crom Bea
con HilD - Don't you think Mr.
Bowles' cOuntenancC would arrest the
workings Of the interior mechanism
of horologe?
Miss Calumetia Porcine (rrom Mich.
igan avcnuc)-I don't know. But
think it would stop clock The
jewelers. Circular.
Timid.
He-Shc seems to take fright every
time her husband comes near her.
She-Yes; she ran away when he
her Lake Shore News.
II Would Seem Ia Follow.
what does parsonage mean, nam.
MAJ" asked Johnny McSwilligen.
1.-THE house in which a parson lives,
replied Mrs, McSwilligcn
But in some churches they don't
call the ministers parsons. F."
mo"
"They call them pastors. "
Yes"
And do pastors live in the pastor
age?"-Chroniclc Telegraph.
Not II Disintcrestcd Adviser.
You ought to use water filter on
your faucet, sir. / wouldn't be With
out one"
Find it beneficial, do you?"
Eyes, indeed; it has made me rich
man"
Il presume you mean that health is
wealth."
"No; | mean that | manufacture
filters. Yankee Blade.
a Strange Inheritance.
Robert Why does Miss Hammond
make such a fuss over those diamonds
of hers?
Cicely She inherited them from
her grandmother.
81 know; but is there anything very
about them?"
Eyes, her grandmother was an. ac-
tresS. kate Fields Washington.
Indignant Without Cause.
Angry CuStomer-Local means in
this place, don't it?
,Ieweler-Ies.
Angry Customer Well this here
watch YOU sold me for a Swiss one is
stamped "Locle, You sWindlcr.-IeW-
elers' Weekly
Not Generally Contagious.
Doctor Notwithstanding the fact
that there are new diseases coming
up every day, the old ones seem to
hold their own all the same.
Tarter-Ycs? Wen, that may be,
but there's one Of the old sort that