Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-03-28
A NEW BOARDER STORY.
A FIRST NIGHT IN A THEAT RlCAL
BOARDING HOUSE.

Why One Old Boarder Cannot BE Expected
to Admire the stsge-A Narrowing Ex-
perience of One Man That May BE
Easily Duplicated Many Times.
II s'pose I've never told you about that
winter | spent ia West - street. It may
teach you something and be a warning il
You ever feel like turning into high class
emotional actor, so | don't mind letting
you into the secret. Pve been knocking
round in boarding houses so many years |
thought knew every freak that the world
could show I'd seen poker sharps and
bunco steerers, to say nothing of kittenish
old maids, grass widows and every other
serpent that was shut out Of paradise with
/ Adam and Eve.
| "Well, was told that Mrs. Dolittle, In
West - street, kept nice, quiet house,
| irreproachable references given and re
/ quired and all the rest of it. / went there
with a Bible in my pocket, my certificate
of birth and baptism in my hand, and sew
| enteen business testimonials, in Glad
[ stone bag. Mrs d. seemed pleased, and
I engaged a room. | was a stranger, and
/ she took me in.
1.-THE first night | spent there / knew no
one in particular, so when / went down to
dinner | tried to size up the company col
/ lectively. There seemed to be an unusual
lot of young people Four young women,
two dark and two fair; three blonde young
men, one very white, one medium, hair
short on top of his head, one red checked,
one looking very pious.
THE PEOPLE.
Just opposite me sat middle aged
young woman with snub nose, who talked
all the time. I'd seen that sort before.
Very funny at other folks expense. Dis
appointed in life and devoted to lies. Oh,
yesl / knew what she was like, so just
said, 'Quicksand,' and passed by on the
other side But thought the rest OF them
would bear watching. The dinner was the
regulation meal, and when it was over |
went up to the fourth floor hall bedroom.
81 sat down and began to read the paper
Pretty soon a low, groaning noise was
heard, evidently womans voice, getting
louder and louder, till it resembled roar
ing Niagara, oh-o-o-h-A-A-H-Ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, dying away in demoniac laugh.
1t was startling, but l knew that queer
things happen in boarding houses, SO sat
still In minute new voice began oh,
young Lochinvarl Oh, young Lochinvar
Oh, young Lochinvarp There's a maniac in
this house, thought. got up, examined
the lock and sat down again treasured.
/ Then came the sound of blows-awful
. blows-not one or two, but inuumerable,
. and after each one a strange shaking Of the
house, as if body had been flung violently
to the floor There's murder here, surer
said l. and rushed into the hall. Another
voice, masculine this time, trombone quail
ity: i dare do all that may become a man.
Who dares do more is nonep
81 say, Duke, which one you going
home with to nightY Which oneS All
three oh, you'll Oh, you are masherl
How'll you manage itF Take Carrie
home after first act from the Star; rush up
to Days and get Minnie end ofsecond act;
go on to X 6, B. S and bring Bessie out at
1877 oh, you old sinnerl Oh, you wicked
old wretchp accompanied with shrieks Of
laughter in mingled soprano, tenor and
bass voices
WHAT IT MEANT.
"Once more those terrific blows, but this
time there was something queer about
them. 1t sounded rs if some one were
/ jumping of step ladder. A dismayed
| feminine voice exclaimed: "Oh, Jenny, I've
kicked my second slipper into the street
and the first one over the folding bed!
What'll doY
al don't know; don't bother me. Can't
you see Pm trying to get my ines1 I'll
speak to him like saucy lGckey-m-m
M Ladies, any one at home tonight
/ oh, yes; come in, Hamlet; come, in, Ham,
old boyp Deep contraltO-' Hamlet, thou
hast thy father much offended Tenor
Mother, you have my father much Of
Tended
"'Oh, this is awfulr said | to myself
Why, the house is filled with raving,
crazy lunaticsp Just then the girl came
up the stairs with pitchers of icewater.
my good GIRL gasped, in Heavens
name, tell me what's the matterl What is
it2 Who's crazy in this housei What's
the matter with the menu
THE girl grinned. Her name was Maris,
and very pretty girl she was. 'Crazyr
she said, mot a bit of it. Why, they're all
going on the stage
"'Alli WhoY
"'Why, those four young ladies and that
fair young man you saw at dinner
(which one2 The one with thin hairr
"'He2 Oh, dear moi He's a sweet young
man. He has lots of friends on the stage
ladies, you know, and he goes every night
and takes 'em home after they come off
Says he has to work pretty hardl Can't
take more than four home in a night Says
/ hb las W NOIh pltbbg halu W w bhhb4
Never gets round to each one more than
once a week Oh, we all love himl He
says he never means to go on the stage; he
knows it all by heart
EXPLANATIONS.
"'Well, who are the other young menP
"'That nice fair one is minister's son.
He wanted to play Hamlet, but they told
him he'd do better in a variety show. One
of those fair young ladies is what they call
an ingenuS | don't know what that is,
but she wears garden hats and has her hair
down her back most of the time, and the
other one, she's what they call song and
dance artist She can kick six feet higher
than her own head. One of those dark
/ young ladies is trying to get into light
| opera
/ "'She had to move out of three boarding
| houses She works hard. She sings every
night till IL o'clock and begins every morn
| ing at Z. That other dark young lady
| they call her Mrs. Sddons, cause her
teacher says she's got tears in her voice. 1t
sounds like sore throat to me. Why
added Maria, every one in the house is go
Ing on the stage 'cept that red checked
/ young man-he's Sunday school teacher,
and his mother won't have it--and that
/ young woman that sat opposite to you
"'And why in the name Of Shakespeare
Isn't she going on9"
"'Well, you see, they say she was born