The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1891-11-04
THE COTTON BLOSSOM CLUB.
LARGELY MADE UP OF GENERALS, COL
oNELs, JUDGES AND PROFESSORS.
Business Meeting Of the Club-ImpOr.
tant Resolutions Passed.

tant Resolutions Passed.
Daring the ceremonies ofopening the meet
ing there was Il look on Brother Gardner's
face which made many of the members un-
concealed themselves as mucn rs possible
and betrayed considerable anxiety. They
were not called for however. When the ma:
chine had got started the President look ed
around the hail and Saia:
81 observe dat Jedge Intention White am
heah Wild us tonight. He will please step
dis way"
and advanced TO the Presidents desk with
Il bland smile lighting up his face. About
Il week ago he invented the theory that
the growing OF suntiowers would In time
mako the American people near-sishted
race, and he fully and iondly expected TO be
praised for 1t.
"Brudder White" said the President in
a solemn voice, when i passed sl,,i frew de
an oflishul bout Ientln' u box. Has you
got 'nutf mail in de las fo'teen Vars to light
a candle wid?'
mered the Judge In great confusion.
'It wasn't u week ago." continued the
President, "dat, heard you prophesying who
would be de Presidential candydates fur de
next camPPaisn;o PPasa o., Has you got a pinter on
"N-no, sah-no, sab was jist guessiu' at
It,"
"An' day or two arter dat" said the Presl-
was flingin' your arms about an talkin' In a
loud voice, an you made de crowd believe dat
you knowed tariff from beginnin' to end"
i was jist talkin', sah. didn't dun mean
Judge White, was pleased to hev you jne
dis club, bekase you weigh 100 pounds an kin
play beautifully on de accordion, but want
10 warn you dat you has bin gwlne too far.
AS a race, we amt In II. AS individuals. de
mo- we fc-l wild It de wus we git left. Oar
amt half nuf offices fur de white men as 1t
absurd. One job OF whitewashin' will pay yo'
better dan fifty jobs of pollyticks."
81 knows II, sah-I knows It,"
"De tariff queshun am great queshun. 1t
has baddered the brains Of heaps OF white
men Till dey dun went crazy, an went off in
de woods and got lost. Two shillns in cash
In your pocket VIII do yo' mo good den six;
weeks talk on de tariff" {
"Sartinly, Sah-Sartinly." =
"An' q word about theories, Jedge I and
told dat you ar great hand to invent theo..
rles. One week yo' come out W IL theory dat
de wGrd am nat on AS neH AZ Wee6 his6
week humps 1t up In de middle; an afore de
month is out you tansle de sua an moon all
up"
as he shifted about in an uneasy way.
"Dat's right. Some of desc white men who
am wuth millyon dollars kin afford 10 sit on
de veranda an Invent theories, but US pore
q
dollar buy jlst SO much. an do mo- theory
mixed up wild 1t de mo- profit de grocer will
make out Of us. Jedge White, go an sot
down an think desc things ober an keep yer
mouf shet in de fucher.'
RELIEF EXTENDED.
Humanity Johnson, Chairman Of the Local
Relief Committee, then brought up the case Of
Brother Moses Speed, who was reported to
have met with an accident and to be In need
of financial assistance.
"Did yo' visit Brudder Speeds cabin ?" ask
ed the President.
II did, sah."
"An' did you note his symptoms?''
ayes, sab. Known dat Brudder Speed was
O leetle tricky. we insisted on thorough ex-
animation an made him run out his tongue
an roll up his eyes,"
AN what did you diskirer!"
"Why, sab, dat he had actually been knock
ed down an run ober by beer wagon. We
found positive evidence dat ten or 'leven
wheels had passed ober his legs an body bout
six times apiece, an 1t is our solemn oplnyun
dot he won't be able 10 climb fence befo'
some time next Jinuary."
1t was ordered that the Treasurer pay Broth
er Speed s. per week until further notice, and
to see that none OF the money was expended
for champagne or other extraVagances.
IT DIDN'T PASS.
Waydown Bebee then arose to offer reso.
lu utiOn. AS was well known TO every member
the club was largely made up OF generals, col |
nels, Judges and professors. How they got
their titles he did not pretend to question, but
he believed he was in accord with public opin-
ion in believing that all such titles should be
done away with in an organization of this
sort. He wOuld therefore otter resolution to
the effect that no member of the club be adj |
dressed or recorded by any title. His last few |
were drowned In Wild yell. Colo |
nels, judges, professors and elders rose up in |
skies all over the hall and waved their arms
and uttered indignant protests, and for cou-
pie minutes confusion reigned supreme.
Brother Gardner finally obtained silence by
vigorous use Of the gavel, and then said:
"My frens, de same idea has frequently oc-
Cured TO me, but has nebher dun favored IT. |
II IL pleaSes Il feller.mHn, an we know II does,
to call his jedge Or kurnel, why keep IT up. 1t
doan' cost lis muffin an II may he de means
Of savin' him from de gallus. II also soun ds |
mighty pleasant to read in de Sunday papers
dat Purfessor Gingsen Johnson was engaged
all last week in cartin' away ashes from dc !
residence of Jedge Cahoots, an dat Kurnell
Dayball, of Thompson street, am jest now dec ,
oratln' de spacious mansion of Elder TOots, OF
Cherry avenue, wild third coat OF blue color. !
ed whitewash / reckon we had better lei :
things stand as dcy are, an If Brudder Bebee,
who haiu't got no handle to his name, wan ~
TO be Gineral Bebee, shant find no fault. |
shall dcc,ar' de resoushun out o order"