Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-02-05
WIT AND HUMOR.


If you want mans candid opinion
of you make him angry aud you'll get
it.-Atchison Globe.
A man never gives fortune any credit
for his success, but he always blames
her for his failures. Boston IrdUeiler
Those ready made clothes of yours
seem to bristle with Indignation"
Yes they are eager for the fray" -
Puck.
Il feel like a fighting Koch" re-
marked the gratitied physician when
the Emperor decorated him. Wash
ingtoe Star.
The people who don't like us don't
know us. Those who don't like our
neighbors know them too WE'LL
Atchison Globe.
Patient-''Can l see DR.. Curem?"
Servant-''The doctor is smoking an
imported cigar sir. and cannot be dis
turbed. "-Judge.
Women may indeed have a sphere
that is boundless, but she has to stop
when she comes to barbed-wire fence.
RAMS Horn.
You hear of all the people who made
a great man what he is; what becomes
of those who help to make the failures?
-Atchisoa Globe.
AS soon as people begin to fancy they
have claims on you because of favors
you have already granted it is time to
move Nlta0aukee Journal.
A poet SAYS that baby is ga new
wave on the ocean of life" It strikes
US that "a fresh squall" would express
the idea better.-BOst0n Gazette.
Watts How is old man Gilfillan?
Is he out of danger yet?n Doctor Bow
less-'I don't know. He died this
morning. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Bagley-'What is the meaning of
this expression, Chateaux en- Es-
pagne'?" Higley-"O, that means
tiuplate factories. "-Bi2ghanaton Lead
er.
When a big man in a little town
moves to larger town he is putting
himself in position to learn his first
big lesson in humiliation.-Atch
Globe.
That is wise proverb." said Mr..
Hicks, What is it?" queried Mrs. H.
The girl who goes to too many hops
is apt to find an early bier. N I.
Herald.
Zone thing. Mrs. Bellows. 1 know
myself" said Bellows. That's the
trouble with you, Mr.. Bellows, you
know too many low people. IN Y.
Herald.
A correspondent wants to know if
''tits are hereditary" Any small boy
compelled to wear out his fathers old
clothes could tell him they are not
Indianapolis Journal.
Brown-"Fenderson is very enter
tanning fellow; don't you think sop
Fogg Yes, but the deuce of it is you
can't begin to laugh until after he has
gone. "-B0Ston Transcript.
The man who never made mistake
is a son of the woman who never
gossiped and of the man who never
had 1.-THE best cure for rheumatism you
ever saw. "-BOston Traveller.
Fond Mother-''I hardly know what
to do bout Eddie; he's so backward
bout learning to read" Caller
Teach him Hebrew; that reads back
ward. '-Harper's Young People.
I'm feeling very i'll again. doctor.
Do you think am going to die?" My
dear madam, compose yourself. That
is the last thing in the world that is
going to happen to you. "-LJe.
Watts-'Potts shaves here some
times doesn't hep Barber-''Yes
MIR. Potts is one of my regular clients. "
Clients? Don't you mean
patients P"-h Indianapolis Journal.
'Humphw sneered the ass as he en-
countered the zebra. You look like
an escaped convict" Possibly" re-
torted the zebra. But no one ever
takes me for an ass. IN y Sun.
DO you think that marriage is a
faiureP" said the reflective young
woman to man of business. Not
nccessarily-it's what kept Smithers
from bankruptcy" - Washington Post.
The man who never can find time"
to do anything you ask him may gen
orally be seen looking ont at the window
when there is brass band going
.9li
II came here" said the youth to the
Boston girl. for little rest and peace
of mind" Abr she said. You APP
pear to have the piece of miGi; when
do you expect to get the restP"-N T..
, San.
Yes" said Gus de Jay. II have had
some verwy twying experiences. |
was stwuck senSeless once" "And
when," inquired Miss Pepperton. arch
~. do you expect to recov~?'-
Washington Post.
"That's a Congressman-at
said Glim, indicating a man to his
cousin from the country. 20, | amt
afraid" replied Young Meddergass
i've only got II cents about my
clothes. ~. Y. Sun.
Bronson (to the editor of the Boom
story about the cyclone. | don't know
how you managed to swallow it."
Editor-'Well. You know, l have
patent insides. - Vest Shore.
Mr.. Schnorer-"I feel very much
out of sorts this morning. my sleep
was very much broken last night. "
Mr.. NeXtroom-''Yes, | heard it.
Makes Il funny noise when it breaks,
don't it? Just like the snort of ii buzz
saw" -BOSt0n Courier.
DO YOU find enough to keep you
busy these days, Jim?' You bet.
am putting in a bigger days work
these days than l ever did before
why, | thought you'd given up your
job" so did. I'm looking for an
other. "-Batato Erpress.