The Iola register., 1891-10-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

their own fault. .-BOSton IrdHScrSpt.
1t is no breach of logic to conclude
that the man with rum blossom is
blooming chump. Washington Star.
The enterprisiug bee keeps up with
the times by having his apartments
arranged in sweets. Yonkers Gdzette.
Jimmy. what is the chief
product of the Malay PeuinsulaP'
.Malayria. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
When does your vacation end?"
Next week. Then I'm going home
to have good rest."-Cdpe Cod lem.
If you don't believe that time is
money. examine your pocketbook after
you have been doing little time
Pack.
This is a regular skin game" re-
marked the banana peel to the sprawl
ing pedestrian.-Binghdn1ton Repu6-
hcdn.
What is the difference between
kleptomania and stealing?" %. say,
from 800. 900 to 1000 0O0."-M T.
Herald
Henry is a great hesdworker," said
the fond mother. He won several
prizes at college for sculling."-Wdsh-
tngton Star.
Watts-'You live in a boarding
house, don't you, Billings-'.No.
board in boarding house. Indian
apoIis journal.
"rll wait until you are at leisure"
said caller to the editor. Pm afraid
I'll be of no use TO you when I'm dead"
replied the editor.-EpOch.
She (coquettishly)-"My bathing
suit is nothing if not enhancing. don't
you think?n He (amiablv)-'I think
it is both."-N. Y. Herald.
"In getting through a failure sue
cessfully," says old Mr.. Cumrox. ~
good deal depends on a mans lie
abilities. y Washington Star.
At Ocean Grove Beach the eyes Of all
the potatoes in the place are bandaged
when the beautiful bathers come out Of
the water.-C Cleveland Leader.
II is not strange that very few men
know themselves intimately. Most
people like to get rid of disagreeable
acquaintances.-TeIas Sittings.
II should think she would put on full
for her brother. instead of
half mourning. as she does" He was
only her half brother. "-Broos'yH Life.
He-''The trouble with Jack is that
his income is so large he can't spend
it ALL" She-''Why doesn't he become
G Harvard student, then?"-LJe's
Calendar.
Ethel-"What do you think of job
lots engagement to Miss Sears?' Jack
He might do worse" Ethel-'He
will-he is going to marry her."-M
T. Herald.
Snively - lis Mr.. Scadds very
Snodgrass-'Is he? Well.
hear he is going to put American
tin on the roof of his new house,
Brooklyn Life.
DO you know how to cook?" he
asked. No." she replied. sweetly,
but pa has money enough to hire
woman to do the cooking for u.s.
Sonleruiile Journal.
Somebody has counted them up aud
finds that there are 720 women lectur-
ers in this country. This doesn't in
clude the Caud,e lecturers. of course.
o, uoi--Boston Herald.
"A tough fired at a policeman yes
terday with heavy calIber revolver"
"And what did the policeman do9 Did
he arrest the tough?" No. He arrest
ed the bullet. Puck
Boothby Ham-''Mains Is . poor
show State, isn't it?" Thespis Supe
mo. Since the original package de-
cision we have had nothing but full
houses there. IN. Y. Herald.
Mrs. Homebody-"See here! do you
call this good measure? This can isn't
half full" Milkman-''Thats all
right, mum. It's condensed milk, you
know. mum. ."-BoStoD Transcript.
Attorney Ito witness)--'.You know
this man?" Witness-"Yes. SIR"
Attorney-"What is his reputation for
truth and veracity?" Witness-"Well,
he writes obituary yerses."-Epoch.
Mrs. Braggs-"Life in your case
seems to be one long vacation" Weary
Watkins-'Quite right you are. ma'am.
/ guess that's one reason why L am
alters so tired."-IndianGpoiis Journal.
IF were to commit suicide" said
Gus de Jay to bis fathers physician,
what kind of a verdict would the
Corwoner bring in?" 'Justifiable
homicide" was the emphatic reply
Washington Star.
Il wish were like champagne. he
sighed. "Ah." she queried. Yes. !"
he continued. 1T sparkles So" And
it pops sometimes" she mused softly,
but he was too stupid for any USE
Detroit Free Press.
Watts-.I don't approve of this idea
of burying every eminent citizen with
a brass band" Potts-'It would not
be so bad. though. if they'd bury brass
band with each eminent citizen. y
Indianapolis Journal.
Miss Smilax-.I like to waltz with
you, Mr.. Wooden; but why don't you
ever reverse?' Wooden-''Well.
have rsverses enough in my business
without bringing them into my pleas
ures."-BostoD Courier.
Exasperated Fruit Dealer-"These
peaches have an unhealthy look. have
they? What's the matter with 'em.
sir?" Customer-"The baskets you
dress them in are too tightly laced. sir
Good-day."-Chieago Tribune.
Reeder-.Ever read The Blaca
Snake Ennpeck?" Ennpeck-'.No
It isn't proper book for decent peo
pie to read" Reeder-''How do yor
know? You said you hadn't read il.
Ennpeck-"But my wife has. s."-YaDkca
Blade.
Smith, was up at the town hal
last night. and 1 must say 1 never wa