The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1891-06-12
WIT AND HUMOR.


i " = AAN A. y AVA " Aos
1
PEuNKIN' ERLoNa.
Out on de stoop whar the sunshine s:rikea
9 Lem and LIS Is 6anjo 3, yohs g s1nh nh to hn',
| Wild nther = kyah on Is good ole H min'.
In time ter is song.
p uiikin' TX eriong
he Keeps softer close ,: S ter bis self Lem ioea
| ynh In min of u time dat wuz-
An sometimes j tink it,s de lie dat pays;
:, Bout de bust.e an throng.
-Phiander johnson in Washington Post.
e-.,So she married for love. did
step Yes; love of money!
Epoch.
Ono of the greatest of home COM
forts is the shirt which isn't made at
home Puck.
A drouth is reported in the sixth
| ward. A talkative woman over there
has dried t,p.-B Bisagharnto's Leader.
Spring is the seed time. To the fell
low who is still wearing his last win
ter's c,athes il is also the seedy time.
Bubfuo Express.
Mau aul-~George told me last night
1 Was his little duckr' Ethel-..He
pro:,an,y discovered that you were no
chicken. Life.
Primns--.Is Hemans useful in the
| ciurch?" Secundus-''Yes; principal
object of prayer. / believe. ."-kdte
Fl S Washington.
Men may be just as willing to hate
You for your virtues as for your faults,
but they seldom have the same oppor-
tuniiies--& y. Recorder
Alul.e-.,Do You know what 1
would do if had a million doliarsa'
| Yabsley-. Buy your own cigars, per-
haps. III, iitnapotis Journal
Joe-..Why did they turn Harry out
of the e.urch? Did he get into bad
compan, ?" Tom-.'Yes; he joined
the choir Detroit Free Press.
Mrs, GadI-.I hear Mrs. Dadd is
going to moye.n Mrs. Gabb-"Yes,
| She moves every year since she got her
new furniture."-N ]. Weetdy
Move forward a littleli roared the
! street ear conductor. Il can't" gasped
the man in front. Il don't know how
TO ide horseback. Hdrpes's BaSdr.
He met your father last night
for the first time Sue- How did he
strike yousn just like The rest of
the boys. He wanted So Detroit
Free Iress.
Foreign Guest-..T5e Indians are
rather expensive. 1 presume" Amer
| lean C:Iizcn- not while we let
them live; it's killing 'em that counts"
Good NJ tos.
i Bimhy-..I say. Clarence. you might
make me a present of that money l
owe you'' Clarenee-,.Fd like TO.
. but | can't give what haven't GOT
hsti's 0Htfftter.
A correspondent. who does not give
/ his full name. sends US "a poem headed:
| Are Yoa WearyPn We have read it
attentively and can truly say we are
Bttfato Commercial.
Playson-.-You can't kindle nuch of
a lire with poker chips Ante-'No;
ment with them if You have a full
hand. - Philadelphia Record.
| John" said the theatrical man
ayers wife. what is meant bv a wild
! cat investment?n MY dear" he said
! soieInnly. lit refers to the employment
of comic opera chorus. ~ Washington
Iost.
The incidental expense of presenta-
| ton AT court in England is said to be
j about $500. In this country man
vino is presented at court can frequent
} IL get off for s3 and COSTS boston
/ Eer.tid.
The Superiiuous Man. is the title
of Recently published essay This is
the first time that the man who goes
/ shopping with his wife has figured in
serious literature, we belieye.-N Y.
Record r.
| Mrs. Bingo-"Therei | knew it.
i Those moths have got at yonr dress
| suit AMI eaten hole right through
your pocket" Mr.. Bingo-..They
must ne female moths. ."-C9othier and
| Flt1ufAter.
d.. Bnll-.-De Lamb has just made
| Sl0.000 by sudden turn of the market
and is downtown whooping things up
! lively" De Intoxicated with
| joy suppose De Bull-..No; same
| old stuff. '-{ftts6nrg Dispatch
Do brtItes have Ianguagee" asked
the president of the Millville Literary
| Circ at a recent meeting. DO
they? replied the secretary: you
ought to hear my husband when he
loses his collar button-"@M T. Re-
cord r.
Are vou good at flgurese'' said the
mana yer of the hotel Il have sys-
temaIici,llv trained myself for hotel
accounts, said the applicant for a
position. .:How?n Il never studied
anything but addition and multiplica-
tion. - Washington Post.
In the q biological Garden stranger
| locking down into the bear-pit loses
his no d ami falls over. Policeman
(hurrying mp aud seeing the bear
:ibout to seize him)--..Sir. don't you
| know that il is forbidden to feed the
| animals? Fltegetade BtGtter.
Fancy Farmer-"Well, Patrick.
hear that you had little encounter
with my new Devonshire bull this
morning." Patrick-.sYis. yer honor"
Fancy Farmer-.Weil. which came
out ahead?n Patrick "Shure, yer
honor. ii was toss up."-Bostors
Courier.
The following query was recently
addressed to Philadelphia paper:
will you kindly let me know through
your paper how | can make an eggs
shell <trong?" And the Philadelphia
paper did not know enough to tell him
10 keep the egg till the inside became
strong"
Watts-.How did young Biggars
happen to lose his government posi-
tion?" Potts-..Don't say anything
about it. but it was on account of en-
bczzlenent. He was in the weather
service, you know. and played in about
$500 worth of the Office wind in a game
uf lf,ker - Tl76innnOOLiS ,J05kr1l0L