The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1891-03-12
THE GREAT MEMS STORIES.
4 RIb-TicllIlg Tournament BY Famous
AmsEicans.
Contributions From Harrison, NOR
ton, nlaine, WomamakeR, Cleves
land, nlll WE and Others.

stories told BY famous Americans, stories
that lose much In being read, instead Of
being heard, butrib-ticklers nevertheless.
The gentlemen who tell these stories, and
convulse their hearers, have many other
stories that they tell first, and in case
they do not cause the hllarity expected,
the speakers reputation Is q wit is taken
on the stories annexed. Each story, as
told, is the best in the gentleman's re-
pertoire, as the saucy soubrette would
put Il, and they never fail to bring forth
showers Of laughter.
HARRISON TELLS Ho0 STORY.
President Harrison very seldom INDUCES
in joke or story, unless he knows his
hearers well. One day he surprised his
hearers by telling the following story to
illustrate point:
There was q man who had q way Of
talking his own advice and doing things
70 get even. He was q q hog dealer, and
one season he drove q large number Of
hogs to indianapolis, o distance Of 100
miles from his home, although he was
told he could get nearly a. much for them
nj atoWn nearer. Arriving al indianapolis
he found that the price Of hogs had gone
down. He kept them in the city nearly
q mouth, and finally was offered higher
price than he could get nearer home. He
wanted a hiQh price, and declared he
would drive the hogs back home, which
he did at 4 considerable cost. Then he
sold them at home at . price very much
less than that offered In the city. One
Of his friends asked him Why he had
acted % unWisely.
"T wanted to get even with those city
hog BUYERS he replied.
"iBut did YOU eet eyenT
"'well, they didn't get my hogs
"'what, pray, did you get out Of the
transactionP'
"'Get! Why, bless your thick-skulled
head, I got the society Of the hogs back
homeP
vIcR-PREMDESF MOTIONS BULL STORY.
vice-Presldent Morton now and then
perpetrates . joke or story by way Of H.
Illustration upon his listeners. He knows
It well by heart before he begins.
mot far from where I live in the
country there d q farmer noted for his
fine, large cattle. Durhams and Attorneys
roam over bis extensive lands, and people
come from q long distance 10 view his stock.
But visitors have to be careful about
walking around alone In the clover fields
on account Of the number Of ierocious
bulls owned by the farmer. A certain
major general, who was very proud Of his
title. visited a ueishbor of the farmer, and
one day he strolled out and began to cut
across the clover field in order to save q
little distance. Bafore he knew what
was up q big bull, believing and shak-
ing his head, began to chase him. The
general was q swift runner, and he made
good time in front Of the pursuing animal.
But the animal was swift, too, and every
time the general would get near a fence
the bull was too Close for him 10 even at
tempt to climb over. At last the gen.
eral made q line for a gate near the
farmers house, reaching Tin time to shut
of the bull from further pursuit. The
farmer, 1t seems, was there and had
witnessed the chase. The general, all
out Of breath, said between gasps:
'sir-sir, did you zee your bull chas-
ing meP