The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1891-09-11
A Bright Census Enumerator,

Bright Census Enumerator.
The Boston Herald publishes ,
Washington special which gives the
answer of a st. Albans census emu.
merator to the census bureau that
complained that his six deaths re.
ported were not up to the average.
We abridge from this answer, as fol-
lows:
s. 81 am sorry that my conscience pre-
vents my reporting to you more deaths
than were actually reported to me, for |
inquired in every house and you have al
ready had the result / studied your in
structions very carefully and found moth
ing in them to indicate that you expected
10 deaths in my district in order to make
the census complete. OF course, had |
known that the safety of my countrys in
stltutions demanded 10 deaths, might
nave taken means to have obtained them,
Tor l know several good subjects for
pleasant funerals, all of said subjects be-
ing men whose deaths l would have re-
corded with much pleasure.
But pardon me for calling attention to
seeming Inconsistency in your law of
average as applied even to the different
districts of this town. In Barney +,
IA pIlV'S district
were about 1900 persons and 20 deaths.
Now, from your letter, | understand YOU
require one dead person for each 18l live
ones, but he returned one dead one for
each 80 live ones. Now, this number be-
ing so much in excess of the average in
dicated, will it be required to resurrect
enough to bring it down where it be-
longs ?
My district contains large number of |
persons who for pluck, patience and per-
severance are the wonder and admiration
OF the age. l refer, of course, to Ver-
mont democrats, who, you must know,
grow old, but never die.
There are few government office holders,
and you know that dying is not one of
their peculiarities, but had received
your instructions previous to the last
election, and if they felt anyway as did
when the returns were coming in, think
l might have persuaded some of the new
ly appointed ones to die, with little diff
ficulty.
There are also a few school teachers,
but presiding as they have so long over
that band of angelic beings whose bright
abodes are in the pleasant homes OF St.
Albans, they are not yet prepared to run
the risk of being compelled to take po-
stions in the sulphurous beyond the veil
where the reigning spirits have as little
of a good school law as
the Vermont legislature
There are some lawyers to whom if the
angel of death were to appear with his
sword already drawn, they would calmly
ask for his credentials, and finally, when
their last breath had departed, they
would insist upon proof of their own
leath
There are, too, some physicians of ex-
;ellent standing, but their operations have
'een confined to Mr.. Kelly's district,
where the death rate is so high, and,
never have taken any of their own medi-
,ine, of course have derived no assist
'hce from this source of seeing victims.
There are also some merchants, but
hey have been 50 busily engaged in
marking up their goods in anticipation
If the imagined effects of the Mckinney
iii that they haven't died, but they would
probably have done SO had they known it
would accommodate anybody, particularly
he census enumerators, who are very |
popular. ,
There are several clergymen, few ,
ieacons, some stewards, an Episcopal
'estry and a couple of Sunday school
uperintendents, but, of course, none of
hese dare to die
There are some editors, called by some {
uncrowned kings of thought II is an
I'D adage, you know, uneasy lies the
lead that wears crown but, being un-
editors generally lie so extreme
y easy that would not feel justified in
eportng them as dead upon their own
estimony alone.
There are some plumbers, but it would
e great disadvantage to them to be
ompelled TO depart for that portion of d
he undiscovered country where, owing |
the intense heat of the climate. solder e
yer remains in liquid state n