Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-10-30
THE SUNDAY SOLlLOuJo,,
Trials and Tribul atoms of Bald Il adec
Man.

THE SUNDAY SOL'LOQO,o'.
Trials and Tribul atoms of BAld-I adec
Man.
well, by gum!
The idea that either the Fat Man or
Bow-Legged Man should consider them.
selves in it as compared to me is moth
ing short of prepostcrous cheek have
carefn lly read both their statements, and
when you come right down to it neither
has single cause to complain.
IF you want real genuine martyr
look at me! Hair began to fall ont at
two years, and I've been bald since |
was fifteen. While the Fat Man and
Bow-Legged Man have been able to de-
ceive the public by sitting down, my
bald head is always on top and in plain
viz W of everybody. presume the pub
lie has occasionally smiled over the en-
barrassment of my two contemporaries,
but only when / was not around. A
bald-headed man will draw more atten-
ton in one minute than a bow-legged
man can in all day. There's something
very funny in the look of a man built
on half curve, but only for once, while
bald-headed man is good the whole
year round,
From s a. M, when / come down
town, to p. M, when | go home my
feelings are continually hurt and if L
was as captious as the BowLegged Man
should be in hot water half the time.
no sooner board street car and re-
move my hat to wipe my head than a
smile passes round, and I've known
| people to ride two squares extra just to
see if anything was going to happen. If
there's baby near by he is seized
with an insane desire to feel of the TOP
| of my head, and the red-headed woman
locks fixedly at me and mentally
tha nks heaven that there is some one
worse off than she is.
GAS l go up and down Broadway
can't help hearing what is said of me.
am recommended to soak my head, Dor
row bear skin, sand-paper my scalp
rub in some mustard, and lots of other
things which haven't time to do. The
kids follow me about and want to know
if it aches, and where it roosts nights
and what it does in cold weather, but |
never let on to hear. l know it does
'em good and | like to see boys get
along and have some comfort in this
world.
"And the gigantic gall of the Fat
Man and the Bow-Legged Man tc
claim that the newspapers are
always after them! Why, sir, every
newspaper in this country has exactly
seven paragraphs about the bald-headeC
man to one about the two above men
tioned-seven to one sir There's many
an edition that could hardly have beer
issued but for picking those old squiby
about me off the standing galley anC
chucking 'em in as live matter.
What did we have yesterday for in
stance:
ga fight for life. A bald-headet
man attacked horse-fy, Both will
probably die
ga bald-headed man in a barber
chair A funny incident on Fourth ave
nue.
The bald-headed man at Coney Isl
and. He goes in bathing and frighten
child into convulsions. Is there n,
law in this country?'
" Collapse of a threestory house
Fourteen people more or less injured
bald-hcaded man the cause. Furthe
particulars in the last edition
And aside from these were the usua
paragraphs about the bald-headed maj
having the points of the compass painte,
on his pate--the bald-headed ma,
among the Indians-the bald-heade
man who absent-mindedly put porou
plaster on his scalp, etc, etc
81 was in daily newspaper Office tn
other day. / went there to tell tn
editor that always paid cash for m
subscription, and never asked him t
take wood or produce or store trade
and to hope that he would let up awhil
on bald-headed men, He took me W
stairs into the composing-room an
showed me over three hundred shor
items which had been set up during tn
dull season and laid away to use in tn
, fall, Everyone of them was about
bald-headed man, and the number wa
daily being added to. He said he wa
, sorry for me, of course, but the publ
had soured on the Fat Man and tn
Bow-Legged Man and demanded bald
, headed squibs and would have them
, appreciate the situation and shall max
the best of it, but what gals me is t
have two takers come out in print an
try to pose as injured members of SO
ciety! Injured! Humphw-M, Quad, i
NJ " Would