Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-02-07
THEUNCONQUERABLEBACI
THE APPLICATION OF MODERN
SCIENTIFIC PRINCIPLES TO
THE TANNING OF A SHREW.



His dictionary for happiness was Ma.eris
Medica; his date for the Golden Age was the
time of the Black Death; his idea Of fun wal
the carving Of cadaver. Occasionally he
would feel like having high old time, then he
would sit up all night and read the works OF
Hippocra:es in the original and drink boneset
tea From such excuses he would return
rather shame-faccdly TO the normal joys Of his
profession. striving, like al prolisals, to ex-
cuse himself by muttering: ''Well, it's all in q
lifetime"
DIR. Paul was a young old man and had
ever been such since the day of his birth.
Even az that initiatory event he had assumed
so wise and critical All expression that the
monthly nurse began to imagine that he had
been assisting professionally. and when she
snuff box and red bandana she was so ''fus-
trated' that itrequired several draughts from a
black bottle containing what she was pleased
to call .catnip'' to restore her equanimity.
Perhaps, considering that it was she who took
the nips, the term was not infelcitous-
Thereafter the child continued to exhibit un-
usual powers-ell. however. exerted in n single
direction He was regular with his diet long
before he learned to tel time. When his face
grew red with pain lie would himself reach for
the correction powders which the doctor had
left As for crying for a certain popular rem
edy. he had no need, since he ever cherished a
DOt'le OF u AZ his 1lEOrile
When he began to associate with other chill
dren he would never race too hard or sit in
draughts Often IN their sports he would per-
senate the family physician. and, with a wisdom
beyond his years. administer bread pills 20 them.
Al the ecriy age of three he was caught vacci-
mating his infant sister with a sharpened stick
anu piece of punk.
When he was sent to school he was studious
TO n degree He cried with Joy when he COM
mitted to memory the table of apothecaries'
hai tod ~ Sra
exercises upon prescription pads; he carried
his lunch in a leather case with a strap and sill
Yer clasp.
He was free from all boyish pranks beyond
stealing rides behind gigs and ringing night
bells. He vould indeed pull the wings from flies,
not to see them squirm, but the better to dis
sect them with a penknife. His heroes were
GIlen and Arateus and Avicenna, the Arabian;
his tutelary saint was Luke. He deplored that
he was no. named after this good physician
rather than after one who had been unable to
cure a thorn in the flesh. When. at Christmas
tide, his fond parents asked his choice Of
presents. he a. one time crayed a mortar and
pestle. and AZ another a teChoscope with which
he afterward practiced uron his fathers asth-
matte old setter. Judy This course of treat
ment, by the way. failed to agree with her; in
fact. /: quite upse: her
Such Indications OF his natural bent did not
escape notice. He was dubbed Doctor" long
before he had reached tina. frivolous period
called by some 1.-THE teens" and when the teens
came they brought no friyolity for him. He
labored and he prayed, convinced that the
student alone is king. anointed BY the holy oil
OF the midnight lamp.
And ye: he remained popular with his mates.
He was ever willing to ply the curative art for
their benefit Many were the broken fingers
that he SET and the black eyes that he reduced.
When rInGwOrm threatened to become epidemic
he promptly stopped Its grating course with
sui ,hur- As for warts, he rendered them so
bilious with aqua FORTS that beans and stolen
bits OF salt pork were no longer secretly buried
behind the barn at midnight
lie worked especially hard in physiology, or
to use scholastic phrase. he joined to such
good effect, too, that he caused poor Mr.. SKIM
Alrs. the tutor, who was expected to teach
everything ending in ~" for so a month and
found. to study half the night instead of the
customary fifteen minutes in preparation for
this instruction. and even then his uneasy
frame would squirm in dread of an aFtful ques-
ton from Paul regarding the effect OF the
spleen upon melancholy or the topography Of
tie sphenOiC bone.
in the chemistry class, too, Paul ranked
easily first No one could evolve such electric
sparks from cats back he; no one could so
speedily change water into gas and gas into
water. And explosionsi he had but to mingle
salt with vinegar when-whiski bang the
eupoia would rock though its support were
rolling stones. And smells Well, clothing
had 10 be well aired after he had experimental.
so. OF course. the boys loved him.
In the classics he was proficient, though he
evinced far more pleasure in translating Sec
ond-hard prescriptions which he bought Of
the druggist, than he did in doing the odes of
Horace As for Greek, desire to know what
alo3athy and homeopathy really meant soon
enabled him 10 do SO. In polite letters he was
deficient Fiction he considered a disease
analogous TO the itch; poetry madness which
manifested itself in a craving for harmonious
notion One poet alone did he read and adj
nlire-Swifs-and he. lie was wont to say, was a
great psychologist and naturalist spoiled. His
argument for this statement was the lines:
so naturzl.sts observe fea
Pas smaller ieas that on him prey.
An taSss nays smaller sIill to bite EN-.
which he claimed expouuded the theory of
bacteria
Now. as will be seen. Paul was an enthusiastic
believer in tie universally of bacteria.
After such preparation, when he was finally
graduated and delivered a twenty-page thesis
upon The Possibility of Developing the Appen-
dix NermiformiS into Subsidiary Alimentary
Canal. the afflicted friends of the family who
were unayoid ,bly present were unanimous in
agreeing with his pa :ents that such natural in
eiinations should not be thwarted and tina. a
physician he must become. So he was sent to
the medical school at Aberdeen and for a year
passed the haPpiest days CT his life, scarcely
eating. scarcely sleeping. oblivious of friends.
sunshine. gayety, all else save the lecture
room. the dissecting table. the leather-bound
treatises in his lonely little attic. queer
e.ysl0In. but happiness hath no mold.
\ curious-lOokilg object was Paul in those
DAYS. be was pale and tall and stoop-shoul-
dered- His black garments tapped q requiem
10 bis flesh as he hurried through the streets TO
his beloved work Great goggles added to the
enhances of his pale blue eyes. When he
raised hls hat It was apparent that he was no
heir of Esau's. A simple, useful hfe-why was
II not allowed 20 develop in peace? Why was
not Adam permitted 10 delve without the
Thought OF frUitage? Remorseless Fate an
swers both queries alike-a woman
And yet II would seems that Paul must have
become the Last man TO be the object of
feminine wisehery- Already he was renowned
FOR his errdi;iOn. and his parents were reputed
TO be rich 80, like phosphorus, it was said
that he would make a good match.
As for himself lie avoided the fair sex for.
ike all great men, he was woefullv modest
A roguish glance from beneath delicately
curved lashes caused him to CULVER and blush:
or. as he would express ii, there was sudden
excitatiOn Of the anterior ganglia. His land
lady. however. had an only daughter named
Matilda. Familiarity called ''Iilla," and often
did that good woman thank her stars-her idea
OF Proyidence-that lila had not been twins
she was squat OF figure and ford Of CON-
plexion- Hair that would have made William
kufus seem svarthy in contrast crowned her
brow Her voice was gong-like in its stridency,
but- unlike II, was never still Before her
servants fed in dismay. and even her mother
who had been trained in that gymnasium for
Anazons, boarding house. trembled at her
step and slliteratiyeiy soliloqrized that Tills
Vas a terror.