The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-07-02
SOME HUMOROUS SCRAPS.
LATEST PRODUCTIONS OF THE
FUNNY MEN.
Wanted No Airs--Not Up to Modern
Tlmes--Smart Benny--He
Wasn't Surprised--Not
Much to Ask
Misjudged.
Wanted No Airs.

Wanted No Airs.
A traveller that had stopped at a
tumble-down log house in a wild part
OF Kentucky was much disgusted with
the corn-bread and rancid bacon that
wss placed upon the table,,
Il don't see how you anstand such
fare all the time," said the traveller,
speaking to the "landlord."
'sWall, mebby yo' eyesight amt as
cook as mine. Eff it was reckon you
could see it,"
81 see a number OF chickens in the
yard, why don't you kill some Of
them?"
'They amt never done me no
HARM" said the Kentuckian.
s'But why don't you eat some of
them?'' .".....
''Wall, they don't belong to me.
They are mam's."
''Why don't you kill one of those
young pigs out THEREOF
"Jest as soon kill one out there as
anywhar, but amt got nothing agin
any one of them" ~ @.
II mean why don't you eat one o
them?"
"oh, wall they don't belong to me.
They air Mans y e.t4 .'-
II see you have turkeys. Why don't
you eat them?" 49,
''They don't belong to me. They
are Bills" ~. NJ. y
as there anything on the place that
belongs to your" -"
"Yas, I've got a pint cup"
us that all?"
"All!" Indignantly exclaimed the
kentuckian. ''Why, confound yo'
hide, what's better to drink Ticker
outen than a pint cup? Look here, do
you think Pm stuck up an don't
want to 'sOciate with my neighbors.
Stranger, I'm afeerd that if you stay
around long you will learn our people
how to put on airs. 1 reckon YOU d
better mosey." -
"But don't want to leave during
such weather as this" -
"Mlster, when the morals of a
neigborhood are at stake the weather
don't amount to nothin,' yo' boss is
out thar in the stable an yander is
the road. Mosey! Nam, step out
thar an turn that bulldog loose"
That evening about six o'clock, a
weary and drenched man was seen log
ging along the muddy road.-Arkan.
saw Traveller. '..s.,
Not Up to Modern Times.
Young Chizzel is rising sculptor.
Not long ago he finished a statue Of
Justice, and took his friend Gargoyle
to see it. The work was well done,
and young Chizzel took pardonable
pride in displayins it to his friends.
"What do you think of that?" he
asked, as he uncovered it. Gargoyle
made a critical inspection, and then
said: 'se
otis all right, except one thing"
"What's that?" asked Chizzel, anx.
iously. @ ss%
line scales. ~ l..
"The scales? Why, she's holding
them out correctly, isn't she?"
81 don't criticize he way she's hold.
ing them, but the fact that she is hold
ing them at ALL" --.-ss. e.
1don't understand you. Gargoyle.
All statues of Justice represent her
holding a pair of scales in her hand"
"That may be, and it is just there
that l expect close observer like
yourself to be more true to the facts
than to follow blindly the precedents
of other artists" ,.-- IL.
. Il fail to catch your drift yet, Gar
goyle:" .>
'sWell, this is my criticism, then. In
modern times, Justice does not hold
the scales in her hands; she wears
them over her eyes" Smith, Gray &
Co.'S Monthly.
Smart Benny.
'What a fine boy Benny is getting
to be- remarked Mr.. Bloobumper' s
mother-in-law, who was taking dinner