The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-03-20
VARIETIES,

Little Roger-"Pa, what are the three ele-
ments 2" Pa-"Fire, water and air. Little
Roger-"Then, what are political elements Z"
Pa-"Firewater and wind"
Were you ever an auctioneer, Mr.. Ling
ring ?" asked weary young woman. mo;
what made you ask?" Because you are
always going going and yet it's such
long time before one finds you gone"
Al see theyare trying to put stop to
Betting is pernicious practice. hope they
will stop it." "But they can't do it." "Can't
do itf I'll bet you $50 they can"
Alexander the Great had a copy of the
"Iliad" inclosed in nut shell, and it is quite
certain that it could not have been written
without the aid of microscope.
al took Mr.. Goslin's measure the first time
l saw him." remarked Mrs. Blocker. "Yes,n
replied Miss Beacon Street, of Boston "his
dimensions can be approximated very readi-
ly."
Shells that all the fish you caught :"
He-"Yes; but had a twenty-pound bass
bite l sat perfectly still with bated breath"
81 guessed as much when saw you. You
see you neglected TO throw away the bottle
with which you baited your breath before you
reached home"
-"What did Miss Leftover do when she
awoke and found the burglar in the room
scream?" mot much. She transfxed him
with her cold, gray eye, pointed to the door
and Kissed, Leave me-" what did the
burglar do2" "He explained that he had no
notion of taking her"
buy mouse trap?" "Don't need it,"
"Mean to say you're without mice at homer"
Amounts to same thing. Every time one
puts in an appearance the way my wife
screams fIightens it to DEATH"
-Father-"Does that young Simpkins fel.
low call on you every night in dress suitf"
Daughter-"Yes father" Father-"What do
you think his intentions arep Daughter
at looks as he intended to wear that dress
suit out"
what are you trying to make, Walter Z"
"a bow" what, out of such stick r. ''Yes.
Why nots Most of your beaux are worse
sticks than this"
-Landlady. "Let's see. Mr.. Impecune
mind busting Mr.. Impecune's room this
morning, Jane" Jane. mo mum; the
gentleman's done it hisself" "Landlady.-
"Done whatP" Jane-"Dusted"
"A gentleman in San Francisco learned
that an estimable lady in Los Angeles had
suddenly lost all her property and YVES in
condition of actual want. He telegraphed TO
friend, lawyer of Los Angeles, Assist
Mrs. - Immediately" The word "assist"
was changed to "arrest." and the poor wo-
mans misery was increased by night In Q
prison cell.
The right side of a drinking saloon
the outside.
Judge Ito small witness) -'tDo you know
the nature of an oath ?" Witness."Oh, yes.
am an office boy, and have to answer the tele-
phone every few minutes"
Viola Bacon, of Chicago-"Did you
know that Fanny Treble was married 70
Major Porous, in a rented gown ?" Lulu
Lard-"Well, what of it? One would i'm
agine to hear you talk that apoor girl had to
buy new gown every time she got married."
-Nurse-"Oh, ma am; the baby's sucked
all the paint off that new toy his uncle gave
him" Mother-"How awful" Bachelor
Uncle--"Never mind I didn't pay much for
it."
Wilson, the celebrated vocalist, was up
set one day in his carriage near Edinburgh
A Scotch paper, after recording the accident
said: 1--WE are happy to state that he was
able to appear the following evening in three
pieces.
"A paper recently offered prize for the
best suggestion on how to raise boy to
make good and useful man of him. The
won: "Nurse in the arms of pray.
er, lead with patience, guide with tact, teach
with care, holding him above temptation with
the strongest strengths mothers love-"
X was paying attention to a rich widow.
Madam" he said, as he offered her bouquet,
"you grow more and more beautiful every
day." "You exaggerate, my dear sir" ex-
claimed the lady, very much fattered. swell,
then, let US say-every other day."
-"Have you ever travelled 7" suddenly ask
ed papa. appearing at the doorway. mot
any distance, sir" stammered the young man.
well, it's good time to begin right away,
I think"
. Music touches every key of memory and
stirs all the hidden springs of sorrow and of
Joy. We love it for what it makes US forget,
and for what it makes us remember.
-Tommy-"Did yon do much fighting
during the war, pap" Pal did my share
of it, Tommy" Tommy-"Did you make
the enemy run? ?" Pa-"You're right, did,
Tommy-"Did they ketch you,
pa?"
flake my seat, madame" said gentle
man to one of the two ladies who entered the,
tram car. Thanks. Now, Ethel, dear
there is q seat. Sit down" Indeed I
sha'n't, Clara. Take the seat youself. Ipre-
fer to stand" "Now, dear, you know you're
almost tired to death. Sit down." Sand
let you stand? Well, 1 think see myself
Besides, I'm going to pay the fares" "No
you're not" Eyes, am" cts my turn
Sit down and let me do it," ENTER third
lady, who takes the vacant seat.l
--Rishop Wilberforce was once fairly worst
ed in retort by the Rev. Frank Burgess, rector
of Winterbourne, Bristol. Mr.. Burgess was
taken to task by his diocesan for hunting
He ventured to submit, in self-defence, that
this old English sport was perhaps not more
unclerical than dancing, and he understood
that the bishop attended Her Majesty's State
Balls. Wilberforce replied that he was sell
dom or ever in the same room with the
dancers. He encountered the witty repartee,
mo more am l, my lord, in the same field
with the fox" The answer ended the cpl
aoda