St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-12-27
MY WEDDING DAY.

The Bridegroom in Cincinnati Commercial
Gazette.
l don't care what anybody says to the
contrary, it's terrible ordeal to have TO
pass through. How such nervous and
eXcitable individual as myself managed
to live through the marriage ceremony
and the scarcely less embarrassing cere-
monies which follow between the
church and the honeymoon l don't
know: but i am alive to tell the tale,
and let those who are about to embark
upon the sea of matrimOny study my
narrative and take heed lest they en-
counter similar humiliating experiences
and fall into like mistakes.
After sleepleSs night l awOke on
my wedding morn with a sckening
feeling, resembling NAL de mer in its
earlier stages, and a confusion of ideas
which made it impossible for me to
think clearly and deliberately on any
subject for single moment.
"HCw much time have l to spare?'
was my first thought; but before my
confused brain could answer its own
question | found myself wondering
where | had placed my wedding shoes
the night before. Then, instead of find
ing out the whereabouts of the shoes l
was suddenly overcome by desire to
draw up the curtain and see what sort
OF a. morning it was. L looked, but saw
nothing: after which | attempted 10 put
on certain articles of daily wearing APP
parel before taking off other articles
generally worn at night time only.
While was strangling with some por-
tons OF my wardrobe and binding my
self fast to the bedStead with the others
my lahdlady (whOm had previously in
Il
bang away at my bedroom door with
such hearty good VIII that | felt sure
she would eventually break it open and
witness the combat which was raging
between myself Oh the one hand and
three or four garments and bedstead on
the other.
Bang-bang -bangl Would tie mis-
guided woman never stop?
Its past O'clock, Mr.. BObtail," she
screamed. Wake up: heavens, how
heavily he do sleep, to be sure!''
ION. do go way, you stupid old wOm-
| amp l grOaned, unc0nSciouSly giving
my thoughts words in the heat of the
conflict. and thus making an enemy of a
dear old soul who was only acting in
accordance with my own orders, and
who mad given me plated butter dish
for wedding present only twelve hours
before, with many tears at the thought
of losing me, and prayers for my future
happiness.
Saskatchewan. Something has
given way at last, and | am free. II
must go and apologize to good Mrs.
POdgers for my rudeness, and thank
her for her kind endeavOrs to arouse
me-" l say TO myself, and l am Just
about to unlock my bed room door and
call out to the dear old creature, when
| 81 pf Oh -f i
torn bodily out, and is hanging in pic
Iuresquc way on the brass rail OF my
bedStead, while my wedding trousers
are torn across both knesS.
Two hours pass by before ! walk out
of my bedroom door, dressed for the
ceremony, and fall heavily down stairs
10 breakfast, humping the back OF my
head against every step in series of a
letter carriers double knocks, which
bring my landlady to tie spot to collect
the letters from the front door. She
didn't find the episties she seeks, but
she does find her poor battered IOdger
there, and assists him to his feet with
true mOtherly kindness.
have not space to tell of nv COM
plete reconciliation 10 good Mrs. Pod
gers; how she tried to persuade me to
eat eggs and bacon. which would have
choked ne had | attempted to partake
of them in my excited and perturbed
condition; or how she attempted to
press my brand-new and costly hat
over the huge lump on the back of my
head, without the slightest hope of sue
cess; and how / had to walk to the
church with my hat stuck jauntily on
the summit of the bump and tilted for
ward like silken model of the famous
leaning tower of Pisa. All these minor
experiences | must leave to the imagin-
alton and pass on 10 the mole important
details connected with the ceremony
itself.
At the church door / met my best
man" in company with the other friends
of the masculine gender whom had in
vited to my wedding. They all laughed
heartily at my distressed appearance.
and my ''best man" suggested that
| shohld have the bump at the back of
my head silver-mOunted and described
| on the list OF wedding presents at home
as a ''silyer-pjated bumper from the
steppes." ! told them 1t was no laugh
| ing matter. as they would find out for
| themselves one day. My "best man.
| then asked me if I'd forgotten the ring.
andsI replied that. in order to prevent
/ he possibility of such a calamity, | had
suspended it round my neck with a
| silken cord the night before, and had
slept with it there.
Inside the church / saw Penelope, Il g
bride, sitting in a large pew in COM
Dany with her bridemaidS, and looking
| as calm and collected as though she had
only come tosee somebody else married.
| have seen her much more excited
since by the sight of pretty hat, or the
--latest thing in ladies' capps exhibited
in window. The only incident which
seemed to disturb the placidity of her
features occurred when | stumbled
! clumsily over church hassOck and fell
/ into my seat with crash which echoed
/ Gin that loud and distinct manner pecu-
| liar to churches) through every part OF
tie sacred building. Then l placed my
beautiful hat carefully on the seat of
the pew, and my best man" acct
dentally sat on it while l was
leaning forward in that deyout
attitude which l considered a
proper preliminary to the cere-
mony. While we were all trying to re-
store my damaged headgear to its origi-
nal shapeliness and luster, the minister
sailed noiselessly into the church, and.
almost before could realize what was
happening, found myself standing at
| the altar.
| l stammered fearfully over the few