Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1891-06-06
MOMENTS OF MIRTn.

The greatest philosophy is in not want
ing things you can't get.-[Atchison
Globe.
The man who "knows it all wouldn't
be such bad fellow if he only kept it to
himself. Il Yonkers Statesman.
Have you large staff of reporters to
gather the news for your" Country Ed
itor-No; we have wife.-[Puck.
Women are not cruel to dumb ami
mails. No woman would willfuhy step
on mouse Richmond Recorder.
The average wife hates to ask her hus.
band for money, and in most cases he
hates to have er.-TSomerville Journal.
The young man who can write "a good
hand" hasn't half the chance in life with
the youth who can hold one Washing
ton Post.
Sanso-Bad times make money scarce.
Rodd-Yes; but not nearly SO scarce as
real jolly good time does.-[ New York
Herald.
1t seems to be the opinion of a large
number of financiers that no stock can
be ioated without water Boston
Transcript.
"How is your boy getting along at Har-
vard?" First rate. He writes me that
he goes to Boston every night to study
the stars. y Boston Gazette.
"If you have million you can get
into the four hundred. Yes, and if you
have four hundred you are likely to stay
in the Million Brooklyn Life.
Talk about stirling tender chord,
solloquized the tramp at the woodpile
"this is one of the toughest cords I ever
struck. y Yonkers Statesman.
"Do you think that tailors are on the
whole deserving class of menu" "Well,
it can't be denied that we owe them a
great deal. New York Herald.
Somebody asks for a good definition Of
a philosopher. A philosopher is man
who earns 80 a week and is contented
with his income.-[ Somerville Journal.
"Dearme!" said old Mr.. Hogs, hesitat
ingly; 81 know I've forgotten some
thing, but for the life of me I can't re
member what it is. "-[Harpers Bazaar
A Compliment.-"T The managing editor
spoke of your work yesterday" "Wha
did he say? Something pleasant" "Yes
He said you had nerve. "-[Chicago Tri
bune.
Wife-Frank, how do you like the way
our new laundry gil does upyour collar
and cuffs? Frank-Oh, first rate! frs
rate. She does things up brown
PUCK.
Johnnie-Mamma, is General Greely
the clerk of the weather? Mammoth
no, my child. He is the cashier. HI
gives us our change, don't you know
Washington Star.
Briggs-Does your wife ever threaten
to go hometo her mother? 1 am willin,
to own that mine does. Braggs-No
she threatens to send for her MOTHER
indianapolis Journal.
Weeks-Well, how are things over Il
Boston? Have they named any new pi
Aristotle yet? Wentman-No-o. But
heard a man there ask for Plato SOUP
Il Christian Register.
Eyes, we two boys We're thrown tc
gether good deal when we went t
school in the country" In the sam
class, eh?" "No; we rode the sam
mule. "-[Boston Gazette.
"See here, doctor, you told me to avoi
any sudden excitement" $50 did; it
likely to be fatal to you" "Then why
sir, did you send your bill to me yestel
day?"-[ Flegende Blaetter,
They were talking about trees, an
favorite, she said, lis the oak 1t is S
noble, so magnificent in its strength
But what is your favorite?" "Yew," h
repled.-[Pittsburg Dispatch.
Professor Ito class in geology)-Nov
gems are peculiarly crystallized. WhG
is the form of the diamond? Brigl
pupil-They are generally damon
shaped.-[Jewelers' Weekly.