Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-02-01
HOW TO LEND MONEY.
Bangs Discovers Plan by Which II
Can Be Done Profitably.
HIS DEPOSIT In A TOBACCO JAR.
Scheme Growing Out Of the Experiences %
Man With Funds.
WINNING RICHES In WALL STREET


WINNING klCHES In WALL STREET
IwRITTEN FOR THE DIsPArcH1
There is one thing like about myself I
am such a generous soul. No one ever
makes q request of me that is denied. Il
MAKES no difference what the request is 7
always accede to the opportunities of the
would-D De beneficiary. And then take tho
consequences without murmur. No man
ever heard me growl. because L had to do
without my Perrier Jouet that he might
pay his rent, nor does that person live who
has been reproached by me because have
contracted pneumonia while he was wearing
nv overcoat.
Last year-this is strictly in confdsncs
between the world and myself, do not wish
it to 60 farther-last year, say, my profess
sional income amounted to SIS, 326 80. The
S3 cents came from royalties on books, the
S26 from poetry, the $500 accrued from the
various salaries 1 am supposed to be draw
ing, and the $18, 900 was the result OF the
&c, 900 jokes which annually extract from
my head and long forgotten Treasures OF
Humor."
His Disbursements.
OF this S18,S26 SO, ST, 900 went to friends
who had bills they were afraid to meet, and
the balance was squandered by myself in
riotous boarding. This will give you some
idea as to just what sort OF a generous soul
am, and the result is that except with my
creditors I am the most universally popu.
lar man in this country. i'll would permit
it 1 could have more gold-headed canes,
ormolu clocks and grand pianos voted to me
at fairs than 1 could afford to pay storage
on, despite the quantity of ready money that
| is always to be found concealed somewhere
about my person.
So popular have become that hardly .
week goes by in which some friend does not
| offer to let me in on the ground floor Of
some intensely profitable scheme. 1 made
$40, 900 in one week two years ago through
one of these offers. A Wall street friend
came to nee and told me of anew corporation
| that was to be started under the laws of this
| State to work the copper mines of Ireland
| and any man who has studied the personnel
| of New York City police force knows exact
| ly what extraordinary copper crops are pro-
| duced in that fair land over the sea-and
| was offered 200 shares of stock Of par value
of 800 at so.
How He Made SO, 1000.
And then, as say, 1 made $40, 900 out
| right. 1 declined to invest. Then an
other time-just after New York's executive
had hewn down several million feet OF
timber belonging to the Western Union
| Telegraph Company-another clever friend
| of mine conceived scheme of such intense
brilliancy that blinded me to the profits of
the concern and left me with several thou
sand handsome green engravings worth 81
apiece to nv credit in the bank. The
scheme was to buy the old telegraph
poles and make them over into toothpicks.
His calculation was that every foot OF
timber would yield 10000 tooth picks, and
on a basis of 8, 0O0, 900 feet of old poles We
could produce for almost nothing 30,000,.
O0O, 900 of these useful utensils, the profits
on which he estimated would be Is cents per
1000, or 81, 500, ,000-truly an alluring
prospect. What he wanted me to do was
to advance enough capital to enable him to
incorporate the enterprise and acquire ma.
jority of the stock, and for this 1 was to re-
ceive a minority of the stock.
For the Sake of Others.
stayed out because my friend said that
there were 100 others ready to jump right in
| if didn't, and my disinclinalion to avail
myself of the opportunity to roll in wealth
could not affect the enterprise in the slight
est respect-and as was ultimately shown it
was best for my friend that did stay out,
for 1 was able to lend him q IS bill the
other day which he probably would not
have received had / gone in.
OF some of these offers 1 have taken ad-
vantage, aud now have in my safe deposit
box:
500 shares of West Africa and santa Fe
| Railway, not yet constructed, WORTH. Is
| 1000 shares Siberian Cattle and Ruby
| Company, estimated rs worth ....... i 06
| 200 shares TarrytoIn Natural Gas Co... 07
| 81, 80 other shares in various companies
i
Altogether these have not stood me in
more than So, 900, and it only costs me $50 a
year to keep them, that being the amount of
| nv rent for safe deposit box-which is very
| little, considering the fact that If 1 could
sell the whole block out at par 1 should
realize S6, 89S, 900. Sometimes when 1 get a
1 little blue about finances and receive bills
from nv friends :ailor which my friend
ought to have paid, it is very comfortable
indeed to think of that So, 1913 900. OF
course, 1 knew that the St, S96, 900 would
hardly buv pair Of So SHOES OIL the market
to-day, but my feelings in regard to il 10
similar to that OF tha hen who sets on door
knob-we both know that nothing will ever
come of it, but it is simply Ely sian to think
of what might be if it were otherwise.
Looking Out for No. L.
Considering all these things, my popular
| ity- the pleasure derive from walking so
that my impecunious friend may sport a
drag, it is with very great regret that l find
| myself compelled to make change. Instead
of doing the square thing by my intimates
| as have always hitherto done, am going
To look out for myself little this year. I
| made this resolution on New Years day, and
I must confess L have been miserable ever
| since. When my dearest friend has asked
for a loan of S100 have given him a quar-
ter. 1t has hurt me dreadfully to do it, but
after all don't know any easier way to
make S99 70.
| When my room-mate's tailor's bill comes
to me nowadays, instead OF putting on my
hat and rushing right around to the tailor's
and paving that bill, l tear the memoran-
| dunn up into three equal parts and write jokes
| ON the blank side-and no harm comes to the
| tailor from this course. because he assured me
| only week ago that he had given up swearing
| with the coming of the new year.
Now, have notified the most persistent bor-
| rowers that l have set aside only one-balt in
| stead of nine-tenths of my income for :heiR
| benefit, and if they want to get any OF the
| money they must be on hand early Monday
| morning and get 1t for themselves.
The Great Discovery.
NV system is briefly, to put one-half Of my
receipts into a large tobacco jar which stands
ON the mantel in my parlor and let my friends
| helm themselves. The money goes into the
| 1ar precisely at midnight every Sunday-and
| fhaye noticed that since this scheme was pus
| into operation Sunday nigh: is the great time
for gathering at my house, and great many
| of INV cronIes who used TO devote that evening
| TO calling on their iancees, have deserted the
| courts OF cupid altogether and stick by me-
| AZ for myself / find / am much happier
| than was before l devised this plan. ges
| tbras meals a day; 1 live in comfortable
| - ants-in a bed that lo0kz tiL-a .