The Russellville Democrat., 1891-07-23

! must now, furrinstuns, be inrold In up
ards of 200 different towns. If I'd kept
| on travelin' l should hav eventooaly be-
| cum a Brigade, in which case ! could
have held meetin and elected myself
Brigadeer-ginral quite unanimiss.
hadn't no idea there was SO many OF me
before But, serisly, concluded to stop
exhibitin', and made tracks for Baldins-
vile.
| My only daughter threw herself onto
my boosum, and said, 1T is me faytheri
thank the Godsr'
| She reads the Ledger.
| Zip us yer bunch of fives. old faker"
said ARTEMUs, JR He reads the Clipper.
My wife was to the sowin' circle. |
knew she and the wimin folks was havin
a pleasant time slanderin' the females OF
the other sowin' circle (which likewise
met that AFTERNOON, and was doubtless
enjoyin' themselves ekally well in SLAM
| derin' the fust named circle, and didn't
send for her. allus like to see people
enjoy themselves.
My son ORausTUs was playin' onto a
| foot
ORGUsTUs is a ethereal cuss. The twins
was bildin' cob-houses in corner OF the
| kitchen.
It'll cost some postage stamps to raise
| this family, and yet It nd go hard with
the old man to lose any lamb of the
| flock
An old bachelor is a poor critter. He
may have hearn the skylark or whats
nearly the same thing Miss KELLOGG
and CARLorrY PATTI sing; he may have
hearn OLE BULL fiddle, and all the DOB
woRTHs toot, an yet he don't know
nothin' about music-the real, ginuine
thing-the music Of the laughter of
happy, well fed childrenl And you may
ak the father of such children home
| to dinner, feelin very cure there'n be
no spoons missin' when he goes away.
Sch fathers never drop. tin fve-cent
pieces into the contribution box, nor
palm shoe pegs off onto blind hosNss for.
oats, nor skedaddle to British sile when
their country is in danger-nor do any
| thing which is really mean. Idon't mean
| to intimate that the old bachelor is up
| to little games of this sort-not at all
but repeat, he's poor critter He
l oOh Nv = iiCAO-Oi&lJ oteJ A1O Ottohe w
| 'pologize, on behalf of his PARENTS, for
bein' here at all The happy marrid
man dies in good stile at home, sur
rounded by his weeping wife and chill
dren The old bachelor don't die at all
he sort Of rots away, like pollywog's
tail
My townsmen were sort o. democrat
lied. There was a evident desine to
evade the Draft, as obsarved with sor-
rer, and patritism was below Par-and
Mar, too. A jew desprit.l hadn't no
sooner sot down on the piazzy of the
tavrun than saw sixteen solitary boss
men, ridin' four abreast vending their
way up the street.
Whats them? Is it cavilryY'
That" said the landlord, lis the
stage. Sixteen able-bodied citizens has
lately bot the stage line tween here and
Scotsburg. That's them. They're Stage
drivers Stage-drivers is exemptr
saw that each stage-driver carried
letter in his left hand.
1.-THE mail is heavy today" said the
landlord. "Gin'rally they don't have
more'n half dozen letters tween EN-.
Today they've got one apiece Bile my
lights and liverr
"And the passengers"
There amt any, skacely nowadays"
said the landlord, ..and what few there
is very much prefer to walk. the roads is
so rough
"And how list with your inquired of
the editor of the Bugie- Horn OF Liberty,
who sot near me.
81 can't CO." he sed, shakin' his head
in a wise way. Ordinarily should de-
light to wade in gore, but my bleedin'
country bids me stay at home 1t is i'm
peratively necessary that | remain here
for the purpose of announcin from week
to week that our Comment is about to
take rigorous measures TO put doloa the
rebellionF
strolled into the village oyster sa-
loon, where | found DIR. Schwazey, .
leadin' citizen, in a state of mind which
showed that he'd bin histin' in more'n his
share of pizen.
Hello, old Beeswax," he bellered;
shows yer grandmams? When You
goin' to feed your stuffed animilsy'
whats the matter with the eminent
physician pleasantly inquired.
This" he Glid. this is what's the
matter. I'm habftooal drunkardl I'm
exemptr
"Jes' So"
"Do you see them beans, old NAM
and he pinted to a plate before him.
''Do You see emp
II do. They are,a cheerful fruit when
used tempritly."
'Well" said he, II hain't eat any
thing since last week. cat beans now
because l eat beans then. never mix
my vittless'
Its quite proper you should eat lit
tie suthin' once in a while" said. sIt's
. good idee to occasionally instruct the
stuInmick that it mustn't depend excloo-
siyely ON Ticker FOR its sustainance."
"A blesin', he cried; ia blessin' onto
the he'd Of the man what invented beans
A hlessin onto his hedw
Which his name is CtIsoNl Hes q
first family Of Bostin, said /.
This Is a.specimen of how things was
goin m my place Of residence.
A few were true blue The school
master was among EN-. He greeted me
warmly. Re said was welkin 10 those
shores He said I had nassiv mind.
Il was graiifyin be- sa1i, To SEQ that
great mteIeck stalkin' in their midst
oaetmore have before had occasion
% notice Side aohpolmassef Hs & eyi.