The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-06-02
PHUNNYISMS.

A NAIVE SERVANT
Miss TripIight in?" Servant-"No, but
she told me to tell you if you called
that it was very kind of you" Soft
hart" What did shemean?' Servant
q suppose she meant that it was
very kind of you to call when she was
out. Epoch.
HER REAsON.-"Don't you think you
would make more money and enjoy
better health in doing h~ousezwork?'
eyes, Irather think would, answered
the "salesslady6i" nri An6 6S yet Gg1 GHE fal fo
do with it. 1 don't want to be bossed
bv a woman that's all. "-IndianapOLs
Journal.
Gould Nor COMPOUND HER.-Clara
Harry proposed to me last night
and I accepted him." Helen Gir-
um~phantly)-"Why, he proposed to
me last week and l refused him"
Clara (coollD-"Yes, know it. He
knew you didn't care for him. Dos
ton Herald.
WHAT He WANTED IT FoR.-Tramp
(after receiving a biscuit)-"W Where is
your woodpile, lady?"
Lady-'Out in the shed, sir. How
kind of you to offer to split some
wood"
Tramp-"Tm not going to split any
wood. I want to find an AK to split
this biscuit.
A COOP HOUsEKEEPER.- wife
has a saving disposition" said Hicks.
when we got our upright piano she
made a red plush cover for it, so that
the rosewood wouldn't get scratched.
Then she covered that with a sort of
save the plush. [ tell you, women
have great, big minds. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
WHAT He WANTED, Can you
COOKE he asked.
Yes" she replied.
Can you sew?"
yes"
"Can you wash and irOn?"
YES"
"Win you be my wife?"
mol What you evidently want is
a hired girl"
ONE PROFESSIONS SAFE First Worker
(gloomily)-tWomen are crowding
into every department of industry and
lowering u wages"
Second Worker-"I amt afraid of
EN-"
First WOrker-"You're not? What
are you2"
Second Worker-A cook."-NeU
York Weekly.
DIVIDED UP.-Sweet Girl with many
administrative been taken out sleigh
riding tWenty-three times this winter"
Practical Father (meditatively)-
"Twenty-three times? $3.50, if a cent.
My dear, do you really think you are
worth all that expenditures"
Sweet Girl-"Oh, it wasn't much
for each one, you know. There were
twenty-three of them. "-Banner Of
Light.
FAULTLEss.-Belle-"Why didn'tyou
marry MI. Watson, Nell? We all know
he asked you to-" Nell-"O, I couldn't
be happy with such a man as MI. Wat
SON." With such a man as
Mr.. Watson! Why, Nell, what do
you mean? They say he has abso-
Iutely no faults" Nell-"Yes, so I
understand. That's just why I could
not be happy with him."-SOmerUiue
Journal.
THEY MET THEIR MATCH.-A mar
who would deliberately play upon the
enthusiasm of an amateur deer hunter
is a villain, whom it would be base
flattery to call a confidence man, or
works to that effect. The other day,
up at Mt. Shasta the guests sitting on
the hotel porch deserted and immense
elk standing composedly on the high
trail, about 700 feet above their heads.
Bucks yer scarce enough, but elk!
Instantly eight enthusiastic sports
men seized their Winchesters and be-
gan the ascent. Up the terrible grade
they climbed, with the thermometer
at 81 degrees, until they reached the
top: AS the foremost crept breath
lessly into the trail he met a man
placidly chewing the stem of an un-
lighted pipe.
4"Did-did you see-see the way that
elk went?" painted the climber.
The man pointed to where a group of
campers-Out were unstrapping a bair
of old back antlers from the head of a
mule.
"You see," said the man with the
pipe, blandly, 1--WE discovered just
now that we hadn't a single match left
in camp, so as it was a leetle hot to &C
clear down below we thought that
perhaps if we could decoy some of you
fellows up here, as it were, you might
have enough in your pockets to see III
throughout you seer"
And If the sportsmen hadn't beer
too tired to breathe they would have
slaughtered him on the spot.-COttdgt
Hearth.