The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1891-02-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

The seamy Side Is the inside. Dallas
Netrs
III You want mans candid opinion
of you make him angry and you'll get
it.--4tchison Globe.
A man never gives fortune any credit
for his success, but he always biames
her for his failures - Boston Traveller.
Those ready-made clothes Of yours
seem to bristle with indignation
Yes they are eager for the fray
Pack.
II feel like a lighting Koch.n re-
marked the gratiiied physician when
the Emperor decorated him. Wash
tagtofs Star.
The people who don't like us don't
know us. Those who don't like our
neighbors know them too well.-
AtcliSon Globe.
Servant-.The doctor is smoking an
turbed. .n--Judge.
Women may indeed have sphere
that is boundless. but she has to stop
when she comes to barbed-wire fence.
-Rans's Horn.
You hear of all the people who made
a great man what he Is; what becomes
Of those who help to make the failuresp
-Atchison Globe.
As soon as people begin to fancy they
have claims on you because OF favors
you have already granted ii IS time to
move lMiisCaukee Journal.
A poet SAYS that baby is "a new
wave on the ocean of life 1t strikes
us that "a fresh squaln would express
the idea better r-BoSton Gazette.
Watts. How is old man Giltillan?
Is he out of danger yetP" Doctor Bow
less-.I don't know. He died this
morning. ~ Indianapolis Journal.
Bagley-.What is the meaning of
this expression. 'Chateaux en- Es-
pagne'?m Higley-"O. that means
tinplate factories. "-Biaghdnston Lead
or.
When big man in a little town
moves TO larger town he is putting
himself in position to learn his first
big lesson in humiliation. AfchssotI
Globe.
THAT is wise proverb.r said MIR.
Hicks. What is it?n queried Mrs. FL.
The girl who goes to too many hops
! is apt to find an early bier.n-M y.
Herald.
"One thing. Mrs. Bellows. I know
myself said Bellows. That's the
trouble with you, Mr.. Bellows. you
know too many low people. ~ 4
| Herald.
A correspondent wants to know II
..fits are hereditary Any small boy
compelled to wear out his fathers old
clothes could tell him they are not
Indianapolis Journal.
Brown. Henderson is very enter.
Fogg-..Yes but the deuce of il is you
gone. "-Bostos Transcript.
The man who never made mistake
| Is son of the woman who never
gossiped and OF the man who never
had .1he best cure for rheumatism you
ever saw. Boston Trareiter.
Fond Mother-..I hardly know what
TO do bout Eddie; he's so backward
bout learning to read" Caller
Teach him Hebrew; that reads back
ward. .'-HaFper's Fott'lg People.
I'm feeling very i'll again. doctor
Do you think am going to die?" MY
dear madam, compose yourself Tha
is the last thing in the world that i:
going to happen to you."-Life-
Watts-.P Potts shaves here some
times. doesn't he?n Barber Yes
| air. Potts is one of my regular clients. ,
Potts Clients? Don't You mean
patients p Indianapolis Journal.
..Humphr' sneered the ass as he en-.
4 ,eorx oh tho rxa1sxs. lnnl~ ffks
an escaped convict . Possibly re
torted the zebra. But no one evei
takes me for an ass. N y Sun.
DO you think that marriage is 8
/ faiIure?" said the reflective young
/ woman to a man of business. ''Noi
/ necessarily-it's what kept Smithers
| from bankruptcy Washington Post
The man who never can find time
to do anything you ask him may gen
orally be seen looking out at the window
when there is q brass band going
through the street. Sonaerviile Journal
Il came here said the youth to the
| Boston girl, ..for little rest and peace
of mind-'' ..Ahr' she said. You ap
pear to have the piece of mind; wher
do you expect TO get the restP'-M T.
San.
Yes. said Gus lie Jay, II have had
some verwy twying experiences.
was stwuck senseless once" "AnC
when.n inquired Miss Pepperton. arch
ly. do You expect to recoverP"-
Washington Post
That's a Congressman-at-Large,
said Glim. indicating man to hi
cousin from the country. 20, I ain
afraid" replied young Meddergass
"Ive only got II cents about m,
clothes. IN Y. Sun.
Brenson (to the editor of the Boom
town Banner) That was prett.
story about the cyclone. / don't know
how you managed to swallow it..
Editor-''WeIl, you know, 1 hav
patent insides. ~ Vest Shore.
Mr.. Schnorer-''I feel very muel
out of sorts this morning. my sleel
was very much broken last night.
Mr.. Nextroom-s.Yes, l heard il
Makes a funny noise when it breaks
don't itP Just like the snort of buzz
saw. ."-Boston Courier.
do you find enough to keep ye
busy these days, JimPn You bet.
am putting in bigger days worl
why, / thought you'd given up you
job.n so did. I'm looking for al
other. ."-Bafalo Express.
Anxious Mother-"I am afrai
Johnny is sick" Father-"My good
nessi What does he complain OFF
Anxious Mother-"He hasn't begun t
complain yet but forgot to lock tn