The Russellville Democrat., 1891-07-16


exactly SEQ why she should be compelled,
at her advanced stage Of life, to open
ASYLUM for sooperanooated IDIOTS.
Ny wife u one Of the best winin on
this continent, altho' she isn't always
gentle as lamb, with mint Hauce. No,
not always.
But 10 return to the war meetin'. It
was largely attended. The Editor Of the
Bugle arose and got up and said the fact
could no longer be disguised that we
were involved in d war. Human gore"
said he, lis flowin' All able-bodied men
should seize musket and march to the
tented field. l repeat it, sir, to the
tented field"
A voice Why don't you go yourself,
you old blow hard2"
81 am identified, young man, with a
Arkylnedian leaver which moves the
world. said the Editor, wiping his au-
burn brow with his left coat tail: II al
Iude, young man, to the press. Terms,
two dollars year, invariably in advance.
Job printing executed with neatness and
Dispatch And with this brilliant bust
of elekance the Editor introduced Mr.. J.
Brutus Hinkins, who is sufferin from an
attack Of College in a naberin' place. Mr..
HinRins said Washington was not safe
| Who can save our national capeetle?
"DAN SETcHELL," / said. HE can do
it afternoons. Let him plant his light
and airy form onto the Long Bridge,
make faces at the hirelin foe, and they'll
all skedaddlel Old SETcH can do it,
II call the Napoleon of Showmen,"
said the Editor of the BugIe,-s.I call
that Napoleonic man, whose life is
adorned with so many noble virtues,
and whose giant mind lights up this
warlike scene--I call him to order"
I will remark, in this connection,
that the Editor of the Bugle does my job
printing
"You," said Mr.. Hinlins, sswho live
away from the busy haunts of men do
not comprehend the magnitood of the
crisis. The busy haunts of men is where
people comprehend this crisis. We who
live in the busy haunts of man, that is
to say. we dwell. as it were, in the busy
haunts of men,"
II really trust that the gent'rman will
/
haunts of men before he sits down."
said /.
II claim the right to express my senti-
ments here said Mr.. Hinkins, in
slightly indignant tone, 'and / shall
brook no interruption, If am Soft
more"
"You couldn't be more soft, my young
friend, Iobserved whereupon there was
cries of "Orderl order!''
II regret can't mingle in this strife
personally" said the young man.
"You might inlist as liberty pole,r
said l in d silvery whisper
'But," he added, 81 have voice, and
that voice is for war The young man
then closed his speech with some strikin
and original remarks in relation to the
star -spangled banner. He was followed
by the village minister, very worthy
man indeed, but whose sermons have a
tendency to make people sleep pretty in
dustriously.
II am willin' to inlist for one, he said.
whats your weight, parsonY l
asked
"a hundred and sixty pounds, he said.
swell, you can inlist as hundred and
sixty pounds of morphine, your dooty
bein' to stand in the hospitals AFTER bat
tie, and preach while the surgical opera
tons is bein' perform.dl Think how
much you'd save the COMMENT in NOR
phine."
He didn't seem to see it; but he made
good speech, and the editor of the Bugle
rose to read the resolutions, as follers:
Resolced, That we view with anxiety
the fact that there is now war goin' on,
and
Resolved. That we believe Stonewall
jackson sympathizes with the secession
movement, and that we hope the nine
| months men
At this point he was interrupted by the
sssrnds Of riycry footsteps ol che stairs,
and party of wimin, carryin' guns and
led by BETSY JANE, who brandish'd a
loud and rattlin' umbreller, burst into
the room.
Here, cried l, ''are some nine-months
wiminr'
MRS. Ward" said the editor of the
Bugie--s.Mrs WARD and ladies, what
means this extr' ord'n'ry demonstration
sit MEANS" said that remarkable fe-
male, ''that you men air maxim fools of
yourselves You are willin' to talk and
urge others to go to the wars, but you
don't go to the wars yourselves. War
meetin's is very nice in their way. but
they don't keep roNEwALL JACKSON
from comm over to Maryland and help
in himself to the latest beef critters.
What we want is more cider and less
talk"
.Gentl'men, said l, chats my wifei
Go in, old gall' and / throw'd up my
ancient white hat in perfeck rapters.
us this roll book to be filed up with
the names of men or wimin" she cried.
with men--with menr' and our quoty
was made mp that very night.