davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1891-05-02
a FARMER IN NAME ONLY.

Had Never seen = PIow Nor MIXED a Cow,
but He Was an AgriruIturi.t.
A comical story is in quiet circulation
supervisors anent some Of the appoint
ments made at the Industrial school.
The central figure in the tale is the
individual installed in the position of
farmer at the institution in question.
To this per On, r. the story goes,
came the superiutcua T.. himself II
new appoiutee, a day col Two after they
had both taken their pIaccs.
Let's see, you are t'c farmer. are
you not p he inquired.
That's what, - replied the one ad-
dressed, taking his feet down from the
parlor mantel
IAN right. then. What | wanted to
tell you w7s that the field below the
house 4, ip good condition for blowing
now, aud the ooner you tackle it the
Dol il will be done. Better hitch
up and 20 ut it right away.
A dazed expression came over the
farmers facc. and lie seemed for a
moment lost for n reply. At last he
said something in the tone of a man re
covering from a fainting fit
DO you mean TN to pillow that field
myself"
willy, Of course Aren't you the
farnerf
Yes, that's all right. All the same
l never touched IL pair Of pillow handles
in my life, and rs for blowing that field
why, | simply can't do it..
Then you'd better learn very quick.
It's your work, and it's got to DO DONE
well, I'll not do it. can't, and l
won't"
And he didn't
1t is said to have been tho next day
late in the afternoon when the su-
p~erinteudent again encountered his
farmer. "
This time the latter official was read
ing n newspaper. from which he looked
up with anything but = pleased express
sion when interrupted.
You don't seem to be doing any
thing" remarked the superintendent.
Better take n horse, ride over to the
field yonder and drive up those cows.
You'll have to milk them, too"
The farmer staggered to his feet,
fairly gasping:
Il never in my life MIXED II cow"
he exclaimed, as soon as he could speak.
"How do you think | can do it nowl
More than that, | wa never on a horse.
Yet you ask me to get on some wild
beasts back and go and drive them up.
You must think Pm n sort of living
miraclef'
We'll, " said the superintendent, with
Dardonable impotence. Il should like
to know how you caino to be appointed
farmer to the institution. That all"
well, all | can say, he answered,
according TO the accepted version of the
story, is that I got my appointment
probably pretty much MS you got yours.
Suppose we drop the subject"
The subject is said to have been
dropped -San Francisco Examiner.
, 1891-05-02

The Language Of the Irish Servant girl"
sometimes requires Interpretation before
it becomes Ineligible to the average lis
teuer. Old words in new senses have
something Of the difficulty of a dead Ian
guage.
what are me duties, if We PLACE,
ma'ams' asked Bridget of her new mis-
tress.
You'll be expected to do all the cook
ing, the washing. some of the sweeping,
and other things which l will tell you as
they come up" said the mistress. "And
Thursday afternoons, when Mary is out,
you will have to answer the bell and wait
upon the table at dinner.n
An will yez stretch for yourselves or
will l stretch for yery" asked Bridget
doubtfully.
What do you mean?' asked her mis-
tress, who, after an explanation which
took some moments, discovered that her
new cook meant TO ask whether she would
be required to pass the various dishes at
dinner, or whether the family y~ould serve
Observation-Disclosures Companion.
, 1891-05-02

Franklin rendered printers a service
in showing them the effectiveness of
hunor in enhancing the value of news
papers, and in promoting good causes.
In those times there were no journal
lists except printers, and commonly the
same hand wrote and set in type the
paragraphs of news. From first to last
he knew the value of little fun in the
newspaper, and how helpful it may be
made in exposing false p~retensious and
in recommending virtuous habits. His
first boyish essays, timidly thrust under
the door of the printing office, and the
last piece he yer wrote, done a few
days before his death, were humorous.
At the same time, he never abused
the power of the press by harsh crit.
cism or insinuations of bad motives. 1t
would DO difficult, if not impossible, to
find in the thirty years file of his Penn
~sylvania Gazette an article intended to
wound the feelings of an individual
Youths Companion.
, 1891-05-02

In Q western court n witness had
been detailing, with great minuteness
certain conversations which had oc
CURED several years before Again
and again the witness testified e. names
and dates and precise words, aud it be
came necessary for his cross examiner
10 break him up. This was done 10y a
very simple device. While the witness
was glibly rattling OF his testimony the
examiner handed him a law book
and said, Read aloud a paragraph
from that book" What forf' in
quired the witness. Il will tell YOU
after you have read it, said the law
yer, and the witness accordingly read
aloud a paragraph Of most uniutcrcst.
ing material about lands. appurtc
nance and hereditamcnts
Then the lawyer went on and asked
him a few more questions about his
memory, and the witness was positive
hat his memory wins very good sud
denly the lawyer said rl. WY,
will you please repeat that paragraph
you just read about lands appurtc-
nances and hercditument- WIN. Of
course 1 could not do that. replied the
witness. you must have "A queef
memory, " retorted the lawyer. since
you can repeat things that You say oc-
CURED years ago, and you cannot re.
peat what you read a moment ago 90
The witness was nonplussed San
Francisco Argonaut.
, 1891-05-02

During the passage of a Nova Scotian
bark "A most extraordinary affair is re.
ported TO have occurred, showing alike
the ferocious and dangerous proclivi-
ties Of the albatross. The bark had
just got out Of the latitude where rough
weather is always encountered, and
was smiling with a fair wind when the
cry Of Man overheard" sounded
throughout the ship. The unfortunate
fellow was "A Dane, n of the crew,
and he was seen at IA short distance
breasting the waves The bark was
brought round, answering her helm in
stantly. and the vessel was o on her
way TO the struggling man.
Suddenly two large a|lbatrosses were
seen TO descend with an eaglelike swoop
and attack the poor fellow in a terrible
manner Both birds dashed at him,
aud TO those on board the vessel il
seemed as il they were eudcavoring to
gougc out his eyes with their hooked
bills, while with their wings they kept
beating the unfortunate man nbout the
head The sight was a terrible one, but
IL did not last long, as the bark sailed
over the course where the Dane had
fallen overheard about seven minutes
before, but he was nowhere to be seen.
There was no doubt in the minds OF
those on board that the poor fellow
was killed by the al~batrosses. as he was
"A powerful swimmer and seemed to
fight desperately for "A few moments
with the ferocious birds -PalI Mall Gu
Zette.
, 1891-05-02
sEAu sRuwmEus SNUFF BOX.
1t Caused Est,-ngemeut Between the
Beau aud His Royal Patron.

II Caused Heterogeneous B-tween the
Beau and His Royal Patron.
One Of the most touching and, in its
way, pathetic incidents in the drama
Beau Brummel" is in the last act,
when a poor, broken down dandy
hears hat his old patron and prince is
passing through Calais. Nervfug him
self with a great effort ON his part with
bis last remaining snuff box. he sends
it in the shape OF a peace Offering and
token Of contritiOn TO his former royal
friend.
No bigger sacrifice was possible to
the actual George BrumncI In the
days Of his prosperity he had no greater
fad than the collection Of all sorts Of
snuff boxes; it amounted. ia fact, al
most to a mania, and by his sagacity
and good taste he possessed at one time
an unrivaled collection During his
palmy days Of London life there was
among his collection one box which she
regent especially admired
'BrummeI. - he said. this box must
be mine. Go TO Gruy's and order any
box you like in lieu of it," Brummel
of course assented, and at the same
time begged that the new box might
have a miniature Of the prince rs its
chief ornament, to which the latter,
much pleased, consented The box
was ordered. and in it, manufacture
Brummel took the most active interest.
an interest shared by the prince him
self, who suggested several alterations
and improvements in the design.
When it was almost completed the
quarrel took place at Clarcmunt be
tween the prince and the beau, which
wa the primary cause Of the latter's
ultimate downfall. A day or two after
its occurrence Brummel went To the
jewelers. to inquire about the box, and
was then told hat the regent had sent
express directions that It was not TO be
delivered. Brummel's chngrin and
surprise were intense, and it was this
somewhat ungenerous act which first
induced him to bear himself with hos
tility against the prince, and by his
own acts and foolish words TO widen n
breach which was to extend for years
New York Times.
, 1891-05-02

-Four woodsmen from Ottawa, Ont,
had n desperate fight with IA pack
of wolves while returning from work TO
their camp on the Kippewa river. Two
brothers named Barrett stopped on the
road TO examine a trap, and their two
companions went ahead. The latter
had not proceeded far when they heard
loud shouting mingled with the bark.
ing of wolves.
They hurried back and discovered
the Barretts, with their backs to "A tree,
desperately defending themselves with
their axes against n pack Of ravenous
wolves.
The men looked about them, and
were appalled, to see that the pack was
being REINFORCED by a number OF
equally desperate animals.
After fully ten minutes Of fighting
for their lives the men fortunately
killed seven Of the wolves, which had
an effect upon their companions, fol
they turned and fled: All tho mer
We're bleeding from the legs and sides
where they had been bitten .-EI
change.
, 1891-05-02

Joe and Dinuis are we'll known char
acters about the customs house. The
first man does all the custom house
business for a large railroad the other
is a brokers clerk.
He who is here called Joe feels him.
self to be the perfect pink Of politcness,
and believes that he would rather die
than be otherwise. Only one thing
mars his happiness, and that is his hair.
1t is a brilliant red.
One evening Joe was @ ming down
Bedford avenue, Williamsburg, and
Dinnis was going up, with his wife OF
his arm. Dinnis was ovcrioyed at meet
ing the other. He wanted Mrs Dinnis t,
know Joe, and wanted Joe 20 know hi
wife. So he caught Joe 10y one arm
drew his wife forward and said
Hoy, Mary! This is the red heade,
fellow l was telling you about tina
works in the custom house
And then he wondered why Joe wa
confused New York Evening Sun
, 1891-05-02

Charles Z. Carroll, of New Haven,
has invented n bicycle bell which prom
ises to supersede many of those now in
use. 1t is composed of two gongs
joined by a band of metal, which
makes the whole perfectly dust proof.
Inside is an alarm movement, which is
wound up by a small key attached to
one Of the gongs. One winding %sufIices
for 600 alarms. The alarm is rung by
pressing up Il small lever toward the
handle of the bicycle, from which the
bell is hung. The whole arrangement
is neat and tasteful and forms an orna-
ment to "A machine. Springfield Home
stead
, 1891-05-02

Col Andrew Derrom is probably the
only man in the United States who ever
saw Lord Byron. George Bancroft
know the poet, but he is now dead
Col. Derrom saw Lord Byron at Argos
toll, Greece, in 1928 and 1924, and re.
members linn very plainly. He was
then ON his mission for Greek indie
peudence, and Col Derrom was there
with his father, who was in the British
service. Since the death of Mr.. Ban
croft Col Derrom is probably the only
man in America who ever met the great
poet face to face, He commanded the
Twenty-tifth New Jersey volunteers,
in Gen, Getty's division, Ninth corps,
during the campaign Of 1s62-3-Pat-
erspn IN. j. Guardian.
, 1891-05-02

1t is the opinion of experts that much Of
the money which is spent by factories,
mills and stores IN the introduction Of
pipes and valves for fire extinction might
be saved by the adoption of "a much simpler
and more efficient method. Both sulphur
and ammonia are well adapted for ex-
tinguishing fire. Sulphur absorbs oxygen
and forms sulphuric acid the fumes of
which are much heavier than air. The
quantity required would be small, since
seventy grammes Of sulphur can make 100
cubic metres Of air inimical to combustion.
An effective sulphur extinguishing appa-
ratus can be made of a large iron box of
moderate depth and open at the top. 1t
should be hinged at one end or the side to
"A protected ceiling, and kept close thereto
by a cord or wire connected with a wire or
strap formed chiefly Of cadmium fusible at
IA degs. Fahrenheit.
Inside the box is placed a considerable
quantity Of cotton ~wadding, well saturat-
ed with powdered sulphur. On the heat
Of an inciPient fire melting the wire or
strip the box drops a short distance; by a
simple device the cotton wadding is ig-
uited at the same moment, and n strong
cloud of sulphurous acid gas is instantly
evolved, which extinguishes the fire by rem
dering the air unfit for combustion New
York Commercial Advertiser.
, 1891-05-02
THe LEegNp ID A pucrEss.

Tho duchess sat by the Iatuced pane,
And watched the world as it passed below,
AChrstmas world In its garb OF snow:
Andhsr look was full of a fine disdsin.
She counted her presents one by one:
The dukes great pearl with It's ruby set
The empress splendid coroneL
And a hundred more ere the tale was done.
Yet her heart was fun Of a minor strain:
She lnnged for the skies Of a southern land,
For light and beauty on every hand,
And the Christmas bells Of her native Spain
She felt the breath OF that warmer air,
And saw the cathedral, old and gray,
Where on festival days she was wont to pray
with a lace mantlla upon her hair.
A quiver crept into her naughty mouth,
Her breast heaved under the diamond clasp;
Though she had more than a queen could ask
She pinned mid the Ice for the south! the south
t length there entered a dainty page,
A casket he bore from some mighty lord,
Which should have hidden a PERKS hoard
OF treasures held from another age
She lifted the lid In a l~istless way.
Then her face was filled with a sudden light,
For there lay the roses red and white,
which had bloomed 10 Spain but the other day
FAirer she seemed than ever before,
Dancing that night at the emperor's ball;
But as for her jewels, she scorned them all;
Her only gems were the flowers she wore.
-Reba Gregory Prelat in Galveston News.
, 1891-05-02

J. ]. Rousseau attributed any natural
superiority tina: England possessed over
France To her freedom from wolves.
In 1889, SIS wolves were killed in
France, and the bounties paid for their
destruction amounted to So, 600 francs,
or nearly 20 francs per head. The re-
ward varies, following the age, the sex
AID the '~'antecedeuts' of the wolf.
The ordinary sum is 40 francs; if a she
wolf in young, $50 francs; for a wolf
that has attacked a human being, 200
francs. Most wolves were kiIIed-S2
and 7G-in the departments Of the Dor
dogne and Charente.
Under the ancient regime the Geuten-
ant for the destruction Of wolves wa
an important functionary. Today he
is the largest landed proprietor in the
forest district chosen by the project,
n who binds himself to keep a pack
Of wolf hounds, etc, to hunt down the
wolves in December and March. In
return the proprietor is allowed two
days free shooting per month in the
government forests, The wags say the
~lieuteuants are the natural friends Of
the wolves, in order to uphold their
sporting rights. 1t is difficult to run to
earth an old wolf, because the animal
can run its 100 miles at "A pinch in a
single night. The Prince de Joinville
has the best pack OF wolf hounds in
France. Any n who captures a wolf
no matter by what means. has only to
bring the animals ears and right fore
paw 10 the local mayoralty to receive
the reward. The ears are then slit to
prevent a second presentation and the
paw is nailed against the office wall
and registered Paris Cor. Pittsburg
Press.
, 1891-05-02

You will find many old time railroad en-
gineers holding the throttle of the elevated
dummies. After getting smashed up two
or three times, experiencing hairbreadth
escapes and having their nerves worn to a
fine edge by the constant strain and anxi-
ETY. Of guiding IA locomotives dashing course
up hill and down, around curves and over
bridges, they find the seat in an elevated
cab a comparatively comfortable berth,
something like a passionless and quiet old
age after n stormy youth. There is little
excitement in this latter life of theirs, and
the short runs are extremely m~onotonous,
but they'are almost wholly free from the
possibility OF broken necks or crushed
limbs.-New York Tribune.
, 1891-05-02


As the voice is the most delicate Of
instruments and m which resents at
once any abuse of its powers. be sure
that you are not misusing it. 1t is the
easiest thing in the world 10 detect
such misuse when it exists. After sing
ing for twenty minutes, stop and see il
there are any feelings Of WEAKNESS or
evidences of huskiness about the throat,
If there are, you are forcing your voice,
and you will show your wisdom by not
singing again until you have learned
how to use it properly. Some people
learn naturally how TO use the voice,
while with others it is Il matter OF ne
cessity that they shall be taught. And
as there is no surer way to lose a voice
than to abuse it, If you find that it is
not Us easy for you to sing as 10 laugh,
and if you desire TO do anything in the
future with your voice. cease singing
until you a secure a good teacher.
1t will not hurt your voice to remain
unused, though Of course early train
ing and constant practice are most de-
sirable.
II, however, you find that you are
using your voice properly and that
your etTors are pleasing to your friends,
sing as often and as much in your
home and in your friends parlors as
you please, remembering always that
it is better to sing half u dozen times a
day for ten minutes Mt a time than
once for an hour. Never sing for a
longer period than ten minutes with
out rest. 1t is dangerous in the ex-
treme to tire the voice, and this OWL
will take prompt and sure revenge by
roughening its quality and spelling its
natural sweetness. Emma c. Thursby
in Ladies' Home Journal.
, 1891-05-02

Ii so you will ask for tickets via
WABASH LINE.
WHY? Because in the first place it is
to many Of the principal cities of the Eas;
the
SHORT LINE, and because on all
trains there are, free to all, new and ele-
CANT
RECLINING CHAIRS and. from
points in the Rocky Mountain region, on
all through trains.
THROUGH PULLMANS, and, to cap
the climax of luxury, all trains are fed on
DINING CARS.
G. NJ. HAMPsoN,
Commercial Agent, Denver, Col.
1927 Seventeenth Street.
, 1891-05-02

For a number OF years l have been
subject to violent attacks of infammatory
rheumatism, which generally lasted about
two months, On the first of this month
l was attacked in the knee, and suffered
severely for two days, when | procured a
bottle OF Chamberlaiu's Pain Balm.
and it relieved me almost instantly. |
therefore most cheerfully recommend il
to those who are similarly afflicted every.
where.-R. ID. Whitley, Martindale, n.
c., Feb, 1855. Mr.. Whitley is a prom
inent man in this place, aud his disease
was very widely known, as he suffered
such severe pains.-+W. NJ. Houston &
Co., Merchants, Martindale, N. c.. sc
cent bottles for sale by A. E. Roedel.
, 1891-05-02

The Sunday school teacher had just
read the story OF the bringing 10 life Of
the son Of the widow Of Main. and then
began to ask questions 10 see il her
scholars had understood what she had
read.
In the first place, let me see il any
Of you can tell lie what a widow is"
There was n long silence. Finally a
small boy spoke Il know, COS my
mothers II It's a lady what takes
in washing New York Evening Sun.
, 1891-05-02

SThat hideous ogre. Giant Desp.ii, o,,r
tighteus his clutch upon the chronic !
valid. Constantly plagued by dyspers
~billiousueSs aul cous'ipauon-ncrvouz d
sleepless too-what wonder is it that hay-
ing tsi-d 10 vain a multitude OF useless
remedies he is ready. iguratively speak
ing, to throw up the sponge Let the
unfortunate take heart OF grace, Hos
letter Stomach Bitters can and will put
a terminus 10 his trials. 1t strengthens
the stomach, confers nervous vigor by pro-
noting assimilation OF the food, arouses
the liver when dormant, and Telaxes the
bowels without pain. The ability to d.
gest and assimIlate restored. the ability 70
sleep follows. Nothing then can stay the
renewal Of health but imprudeuce. Hos.
letters Stomach Bitters, moreover,
traDscends all others as a remedy fol
malarial, rheumatism and kidney com.
plants. A wine ~glassful three times a
day,
, 1891-05-02

Johnsou-When | do marry | intend
to marry a sensible girl. If | can find
Tomson-Now there's Miss Sharpe
She fitted me
Johnson-Just the girl l want. Won't
you introduce mei-Epoch
FOR years the editor OF the Burlingto
nrrion tMol Post has Teen subject y.
.np collie, or fits Of INDIGESTION, whicl
rjstrated him for several hours and u,
tied him for business for " or thr,
Us. For the past year he has been Us
2 Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera an,
Diarrhea Remedy whenever occasion r.
CURED. and it has invariably given hiu
prompt relief 25 aud so cent bottles for
sale by A. H. LoedeL
, 1891-05-02

A Ton Of Powder Worn on in u Day.
An amusing calculation has been
made that the powdered shoe leather
worn from off the solcs Of foot passen,
gers on streets and pavements in Lon
don alone would amount to about n
o Of shoemaking materials per day.
1t is not so absurd to imagine that SOME
day these waste particles may be util
lied, when we hear hat vast quaint
ties Of old shoes are ground by mills
into fine dust, which is mixed with in
dia rubber. subjected to n great press
ure, colored and sold cheap as natural
leather, for which it probably makes a
sorry substitute. Chambers Journal.
, 1891-05-02

1t was just an ordinary scrap of wrap
ping paper, but it saved her life. She
was 10 the last stages of consumption, told
by physicians that she was incurable and
could live only a short time; she weighed
less than seventy pounds. On a piece OF
wrapping paper she read of DR.. Kings
New Discovery, and got a sample bottle;
it helped her; she bought a large bottle. it
helped her more, bought another, and
grew better fast, continued its use, and Is
now strong, healthy. rosy, plump, weigh
ing 40 pounds, For fuller particulars
send stamp to w. II Cole, Druggist, Fort
Smith. Trial bottles Of this wonderful
discovery free at B. B. David's drug
store.
, 1891-05-02

The Society of Friends of the United
Kingdom say that they have Is, 500 mem
Aers, and that their annual death rate is i'm
comparably low-about IS $40 per 1000.
OF 769 deaths in three years 81 per cent.
We're upward of GO years OF age. Only Is
deaths of children under 3 years occurred
during the year 1889. This may be account
ed for partially by the fact that the Quakers
have comparatively few children.
, 1891-05-02

\ New Yorker has succeeded in max
ing an artificial clam which tastes bet
ter than the original, will keep fresh for
five years and costs only half as much
as the bivalve dug out Of the sand.
His orders from clubs and restaurants
will make him rich in three years. The
clam has o used the public as he
ought to, and this is the result.-De-
truit Free Press.
, 1891-05-02

Grote wrote the larger part of the His
tory of Greece" between the ages of SO and
50, and Hallam occupied nearly the same
period Of his life with his Introduction to
the Literature of Europe" The W works
by which Thomas Hood has survived the
grave, The Bridge of Signs" and THE
Song Of the Shirt" were composed when
he was 40, and from n sick bed from which
he never rose.
, 1891-05-02

Under a late law made in Egypt the
mar who marrics need not keep his
own name, but take that of the woman
If he So desires. 1t is said that this law
was rendered necessary by so many
American and English Smiths taking
up their residence in that country. The
girls wanted to marry, but they didn't
want the nHme.-Detroit Free Press.