Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-03-18
EDITOR CLUGSTON.
The Only Man Who Ever Made Money by
Humoring Poet

The Only Man Who Ever Made Money by
Humoring Poet.
ssWhat would this be worth to you?"
inquired a tall, slender man with
large and mobile mouth, retreating
chin, and a thin fringe of whisker on
the angle of either jaw, as he walked
into the office of the Doodleville Yelper
and laid bundle of manuscript on the
editors table.
Editor Clugston picked it up leisurely
and looked it over.
HIM! This is poetry, is it not?' he
said.
Eyes. A poem on Immortalfty'
II thought noticed that most of the
lines seemed to begin with capital.
What was the inquiry you made about
tip"
''What is it worth to you?"
What is your idea of it's valued"
"Well it took me four hours to write
it. | burned midnight oil over that
poem"
Il have done the same thing over a
tariff editorial many time" unused
Mr. Clugston.
"And it seems to me it ought to be-
worth SO"
Are you aware, Mr.. -
"My name is Isnoggles-Perry Isnog-
giles. Accent on the T.
Thank you. Are you aware, Mr. Is.
noggles, that John Milton sold Para
disc Lost for only $72, one-third cash
and the rest.on time?'
''Why--"
Are you aware that Robert Burns
once tried to sell Tam O'Shanter for a
suit of clothes worth about SIS. 5O?''
mo. / never heard -
"Did you know, Mr. Isnoggles," said
Editor Clugston, with increasing sever
ity, that Oliver Goldsmith once sold
poem two stickfuls long for glass Of
ale and three links of sausage, and that
Homer refused an offer of sheepskin
for his Illiad because he thought it was
worth two sheepskins?"
''Ill take SIS for the poem, Mr..
Clugston"
Perhaps you have never heard, Mr..
Isnoggles," pursued the editor, that
Plautus, the Roman poet, would grind
out rondeau at any time for half
pint of shrimps?"
"And you did not know, possibly that
Tasso, the Italian poet, hawked four
page poem about the streets of Sorrento
for six shillings, and couldn't sell it at
that?"
would 81. so be too much for this?"
"A dollar and half for five pages of
manuscript that Dryden would have
sold, even when he was thirty-nine
years old, for a half CROWN"
You can have it for nothing, Mr.
Clugston.'
HIM! This will take up--let me see
in loaded long-primer, at least half
column, Mr.. lsnoggles."
I'D like to have it 60 in / wouldn't
-er-mind paying you, say, fifty cents
Mr. Clugston, if you can make room
for it"
SAT regular rates, Mr.. Isnoggles," re-
piled the editor, ''this would come to
about $50, but believe in encourage
ing home poets as much as / can. You
are home poet, are you not?"
II was raised out here on the Bilby
farm"
And on that account, resumed the
editor, making few figures on a sheet
Of paper before him, Il will come down
to an even 81 BILL
Thank you. Mr.. Clugston. 1t isn't
exactly what [ had expected, but -"
Cash in advance, of course
Mr.. lSnoggles drew out rather lean
wallet, extracted the money therefrom,
and handed it over.
please say nothing about this" said
Mr.. Clugston, grandly, as he put the
money in a pocket-book ten times
leaner than his visitors. 81 wouldn't
do it for every body"
Mr.. Isnoggles expressed his gratitude
and walked out.
Darn newspaper man that can't
devise some way to meet wash billr'
soliloquized Editor Clugston as he
leaned back in his chair and looked at
himself in the glass. Chicago Tribune.