Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-05-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Early to bed and early to rise makes
title boys very tired.-Lye.
"What has been the greatest mistake
If your life?" "Making so many
Puck.
''Do you play by note9" "No," re-
cash. Puck.
Money is the root of all evil, but the
need of money is the evil Itself Binq-
hamton Leader.
Never judge mans mind by the
length of time it takes him to make it up.
Boston Traoeller.
The world never sits down twice on
man who has any point about him.
Milwaukee Sentinel.
If you wish to be entertaining just
forget yourself long enough to talk to
somebody about himself. f.-Dallas News.
Friend-''Is the play go2" Budding
Dramatist (sadly)-''Yes, but had hoped
it would be a stay. y."-American Grocer.
All, you do not know the anguish of
being cut by your best friend till you be-
gin to shave yourself. -Elmira Gazette.
Humor, kindly little bee,
Makes laughter sweet as honey;
While Wit is like a wasp, for he
Stings when he'd fain be funny.
The average man would sooner pay
dues at gymnasium than saw his own
wood for exercise. Orleans Pica-
yune.
"What was that noise heard in the
parlor last night, -Mafiasn. SIT was Will
lam breaking his engagement" ."-Boston
Gazette.
''Medicine," said little girl to her
playmate, s'is something that makes you
be careful not to catch cold again" -
Washington Post.
Passenger-'Which of the fool qucs-
tions you hear every day tires you the
most2" Conductor-"That one. III
dianapolis Journal.
Upson Downes-"Say, old man, lend
me five until payday" Rowne de
Bout-"Which-your payday, or the
day you'll pay me2"-Puck.
The oyster leads calm and placid life.
While he lives he is never known to get
shot" It's only after he dies that he
gets in ''stew. "-Epoch.
Professor-''Didn't see you coming
out of a saloon9" 'Ninety-four-"Well,
sir, you wouldn't have me stay in one,
would youa"-Yale Record.
Little Susie-"We have had a great
awakening in our church." Little
Ethel-"Why, in our church they never
go to sleep. Chicago Times.
"AIl's fair in love-" that is my creed;
Who doubts it is churl.
AlPs fair I'm love; ah, YES, ;ndeed!-
Especially the girl
Puck.
"Robbie," said the visitor, kindly,
"have you any little brothers and sis
ters2" 'No," replies wee Robbie, SOL
emnly; eI'm all the children we've got"
-BostoRidn.
"And suppose, like brave soldier,
you followed your colors." "Yes,
whenever there was battle I noticed
that the colors were flying, so / flew,
too. ."-Bufalo Express.
"Why won't you take Flickeles as
partner2" "My dear fellow, Flickeles
was engaged to my wife before married
her. And would you have me take for
partner a man who is cleverer than ~
Flie0ende BLaetter.
The Little Trader: Moritz received
from his teacher box on the ear, but
undeservedly, for it was his neighbor
who had been out of order. "Now,
teacher" he said, 'you see that it was
not my fault. Don't forget to credit
me with that box on the ear, will youa"
-Fliegende Blaetter.
Detected Tramp-''Yes'm I've had
sad history. I've travelled this country
for years and years, homeless and hope
less, in search of something I fear it
would break my heart to find" Kind
hearted Lady-'And what is that, my
poor MANI" Detected Tramp-"Work,
ma'am. - Chicago Tribune.