The Dispatch. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1891-1895, 1891-02-11
The Brightest Paper in this Section.
TEE SAINT IN TEX as.
How an Editor Used n Cheap
VaIeKtfne to soUse Purpose.

The custom Of sending valentines
prevails. to some extent ia Texas.
Some wears ago. having occasion to
stop over for a few days in a Texas
town, | dropped into ths Office Of the
local newspaper, the BUgJe and made
the acquaintance Of the editor lie
Was 4 pleasant-faced young man, with
a rather shreWd expression. We talked
about the weather, the crops, politics,
and finally We conyeTsed about St.
Valentines Day, which was not far
eff
do they celebrate it much here?"
I asked.
LAS n general thing it is not observ-
ed very much, but last st. Valentine S
Day was an exception"
What WAS the occasion OF the ex-
ception?"
II caused it myself. There was one
man killed and a drug store wrecked"
My curiosity was aroused, and
asked my new acquaintance TO dispel
the mystery that seemed to enshroud
the celebration Of the previous St.
Valentines Day.
"I'll tell you how it was. l had just
moved here and started my paper.
was getting along very well. Sub
scriptiOns were pouring I'D at the rate
of ten or twelve week.
The people liked your paper, then?
Yes, with the exception of two
men. One was 2 druggist, who took q
dislike to me, and tired to hound me to
death"
an what part?''
"He not only refused to advertise in
the Buqle. but he told everybody that
the paper would not last three
months. y
''Who was your other adversary:
He was a regular tough. He came
here with a circus, and was bad
man. He looked like an eX-pIize-
fighter Some people said he was :.
New York alderman, and hence 9.
fugitive from Justice
"What did you do to incur his en-
mity?'
Nothing at all, except published a
little paragraph to the effect that there
was z suspicious character in town
He said at once that it couldn't mean
anybody else but himself, and that he
was going to break me in two for it the
first chance he got.n
do you think he really meant it?'
Il know he did, so I resorted to
strategy. Every thing is fair in love
or in war;"
Where does St. Valentines Day
come IMP
That was just what I was going to
tell you. I was becoming prematurely
swaybacked toting a pistol, 50 put up
Job on the pair. 1t was risky. but
out on the frontier you have to learn to
take risks"
"What did you d0?''
II bought cheap valentine Of q
tough with a wart as big as an egg
plant on his nose, and blue hair, and
mailed it to the tough after writing the
| druggists name on it. [ calculated
| the tough didn't have brains enough to
suppose it might be trick, and | was
right about it"
What did he do?"
Just what [ expected. He walked
in careless-like and hit the druggist on
the jaw"
Hurt him much?"
''He turned two sunmersaults over
the soda fountain and brought up with
a thud against the side OF the drug
store, so that he encrusted one Of the
| boards with four Of his front teeth. >
That was pretty bad
That wasn't all. lie Jared the
drug store SO that five or six large bot
! ties of liver regulator tumbled down on
him from the top shelf and drenched
him with healing balm. However, he
retained his presence Of mind, and
/ hurled an unbrOken bottle through the
plate-glass window as the tough
lodged He could have put full-page
/ al III the BlNJe for year for the price
of the window, with a complimentary
| personal notice thrown in
What did the tough do"
THE tough grabbed up a box of
healing ointment and shiyered it on
the achrymal gland Of the druggist.
/ The druggist retaliated by doubling up
the tough with a bottle Of queer-c0loTed
tonic. According to the directions on
| the bottle the tonic was to be taken
one teaspoOnful every half hour, but
the tough had taken enough at one
! dose 10 tone up the stomach Of an or
binary man for month"
What neKt?'
The tough followed up his victory
| DN NdCClDeJlAS us duf6lodlg OIl tLV
ear with box of carbOlic Salye, While
the druggist raised wen on the
toushs arbicular muscle with bottle
of female bitters."
How did it end2n
1T ended very tragically. While
the whole neighborhOod was smelling
like drug store with barrel q
asafedita leaking in the cellar and q
chunk of Limbergur cheese on the
stove, the druggist sneaked up behind
the tough and fractured his skull witt
a compound cathartiC poultice tied W
in a towel, and a fearful whack at the
base of the ductUS d1terioSuS..
and oil from cheap valentine ju
diciously administered
Yes, the tough sleeps in shadI
dell. The druggist, crazed by his losses
has taken TO drink, while l got on
an extra about the tragedy and made
seventy-fve dollars in cash, so you see
even tie cheap valentine has its uses?'