Waterbury evening Democrat. [volume] (Waterbury, Conn.) 1887-1895, 1891-07-02
RANDOM SHOTS.

u0W acknowledgements 1OOC.
The contented thief takes things philo-
sophically, of Pittsburg Dispatch.
Be virtuous and you will be happy, as
well as odd and eccentric.-Texas Siftings.
Where the wife Is the smartest the hus-
band never knows it.-Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
When the girl breaks match off some
body is pretty sure to be flred.-Pittsburg
Post
Switzerland ought to be a free country.
There are SO many passes in it.-Yonkers
| Statesman.
Italy has fruit standing army of about
$4,000 men in the United Washing
| ton Star.
The potato Is very shy. Even its grow
ing is done under the rows.-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
the kind you get at the policy-shop.-St.
Joseph News.
Patience should be taken off a monu-
ment and put at the end of telephone
Washington Post.
great many people get into a sea OF
trouble through financial straits.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Fetching little thing, Isn't itp" as the
owner of a retriever pup remarked to a
friend.-St. Joseph News.
Patent medicine men or organizing a
trust. They must cure everything at uni
form rates.-New Orleans Picayune.
Figures won't lie, but give the figures to
one who knows how to use them to advan-
tage and he'll do the rest.-Boston Trans
cript.
Wife" Dearest, II were watch what
do you think I'd most need?"
Husband-"A new balance."-St. Joseph
News.
You can't make silk purse out of a sow's
ear; but you can make a Congressman out
Of anything that has reached the required
age.-Puck.
Modifcation-"I declare, Franz, you
make me angry all day long" "But papa
the days are really very short now."-Flie-
gende Batter
Since the discovery that the grip germ is
In plant, the pork eaters can talk back
leans Picayune.
The dancing master ought to be pretty
safe from the snares Of this life. He under
stands all the ways of the whirled.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
Somebody asks for a good definition of a
philosopher. A philosopher is a man who
income.-Somerville Journal.
Besise-" Jessie told me last night that
she thought your face poem"
George" Possibly that was the reason
she rejected me."-N. Y. Herald.
The man who tries his own flying ma
chine should not have too lofty an aim.
The higher he scars, the sorer he hies-if
he can HE at an.-Drake's Magazine.
Eyes, we two boys were thrown together
good deal when we went to school in the
country" I'm the same class, eh?" mo;
we rode the same mule. "-Boston Gazette.
Jones lat the club was a jolly good
feed and what you have for breakfast
Brown-You've got me there. dear boy.
My wife's doing the cooking this week.
N. Y. Recorder.
GOOD morning, Laker," said one mem
Der Of the Chicago Literary Society to an
other. GOOD morning, Wright" replied
Laker. How is Mrs. r this morningp" -
Brooklyn Life.
Bnggs-"Does your wife ever threaten
to go home to her mother? I am willing to
own that mine does" Bragg" No; she
threatens to send for her mother."-In-
dianapois Journal.
Customer-Why did you take your boy
away from SCHOOL, Grocer-They were
running him. Why, they were trying to
teach him that 16 ounces makes pound
Munsey's Weekly.
Wickars-Ah, we'll, suppose my days
for falling in love are past, Vickars: In that
looking for wife with little money.-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Cear.-"Mr. Tailor, why do you always
print your bill heads on pink paper?"
Then am sure the gentlemen will open
them, for they will think they are love let
tiers" -Fliegende Blaetter.
So you want a railroad position" unused
the superintendent. do you think you
could give an intelligent account Of an acct
dent?' Yes, sir, I'm sure could" Then
! think we have no place for you."-Elmira
Gazette.
If the coast of Massachusetts only
proved as dangerous to the vessels of
other navies as 1t does to our own, we
might welcome foreign war without fear
or trembling right away.-Philadelphi
Times.
Sarah Bernhardt's receipts in Boston
were more than 5000 for each perform
ance. With congress and the gifted Sarah
attacking the American pocket it is won
der that there Is anything in it.-Troy
Press.
Honesty is making vast strides in the
advertising business. A Western firm
CldlluS IudI IL person ever mas d leg
amputated on one of our perfection ampu-
tation chairs. he will never try ano ther."-
N. Y. Recorder.
Jagway-"Was that you saw driving
around in a carriage the other day2 And
yet you cannot afford to pay me the SIS
you owe me-" Travers-" That's nothing.
You ought to see the bill owe the livery
stable.-Harper's Bazaar.
What has become of your old beau,
Martin, cook? haven't seen him around
much, lately"
mo, mum, Martin don't come around
much now, he's married"
"Oh, no! He's married, Ell! Whom tor"
"Me, mum."-N. Y. Sun.
Mr.. Slowpop-"Won you let me kiss
your
Miss Fussanfeather- No."
You'll find it as good as champagne, I
assure you"
"I don't like champagne until after it
pops" -Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Bunker OF Boston Ito her brother,
bolt d Ia SErTJIL-