The record-union., 1891-10-17
ON THE CARS.
Another Startling Bear Story of the
Hamiltonian Variety.
How He Slew a Placer County GrizzI,
With Shaft of Ice-An Elusive
Baseballic Effusion.

Though he is out of Office now, ex-
County Clerk Hamilton still keeps up
his lick as weaver of marvellous yarns
about bears Many and many hair has
stood on end while the owner of said hair
listened to the whirr of Will'm's spinning
wheel. And many and many hair is
destined yet to perpendicularate ITSELF
Gentle Willm had two Eastern friends
in tow the other day, and while taking
ride in the electric cars took pains to
notify the visitors that California as it is
was not in it with California as it used
to wuz''-'way back in early days.
"In those good old days." quoth WilPm,
''we didn't have to content ourselves with
huntin' jack-rabbits, quail and duck.
Those were the times when nothing short
of bear or an elk was go.''
Il should think it would be dreadfully
dangerous hunting BEAR" said one of the
Fasteners.
''Oh, don't know" said the ex-official
carelessly. "Of course, a tenderfoot got
chawed up in the operation once in
While. but the old boys generally got the
best Of the grizzly huggers. But then we
didn't always have soft snaps, either.
Now / remember once''-the spinning
machinery was now running in fine
style-"when l was up in Placer, oh,
twenty years or more ago. 1t was in the
dead of winter and I had been out for a
hunt. On my way home / encountered
an immense grizzly, and he was on the
fight in a minute. OF course, I didn't
get scared, and prepared to plunk him
with my gun. But imagine my horror
when | discovered that l had no more
bullets. l did what any wise man would
do-Iran as tight as l could. The bear
+rN r. ,oIl I
that l perspired, and the cold immedi-
ately froZe the sweat into huge icicles.
The bear was gaining on me- What was
l going to do? A happy thought! Why
not use an icicle for bullet? There was
no time to lose, SO [ hastily poured some
powder into my gun, rammed it good,
and then breaking off an icicle dropped it
into the barrel. Turning, aimed at the
high forehead of the rapidly approaching
denizen of the forest. Bang! But what
do you think? The heat of the powder
melted the icicle and it left the gun in the
shape of water. 1t was -
''Dreadful!" grasped one of the East
erners, who was in a great state Of ex-
element. ''What happened then ?'' he
said, wiping great beads of Precipitation
from his brow.
''Wait minute. now," said Mr.. Ham
ilton, who did not like the idea of being
interrupted. Remember, l said, it was
very cold. Well, although the icicle was
melted it CONCEALED again in the atmos-
phere and became re-iclcied. And it
never interfered with my aim. The
deadly icicle took bruin right between
the eyes. 1t melted again upon entering
his skull, and Mr.. Bear keeled over and
died Of water on the BRAIN"
Wonderful ~ gasped the two Eastern
ers.
J. Simington, the well-known Chicago
prohibition agitator, was in Sacramento
several days ago, seeing the sights. An
acquaintance asked him what his opinion
was of California.
TITS a wonderful country. Your
climate is grand, your fruits are magnifi-
cent, your mountain and valley scenery
lovely, and your people NOBLE" said the
apostle of total abstinence, enthusiastic
ally. But" he added, shaking his head
sadly, "you need more water"
ST say, Bings,p said the deacon, who
had just boarded the car and taken seat
beside his friend, you have always
given me to understand that that fellow
Thompson was the soul of honor, and
would not do mean act. But I have
found him engaged in a very question
able proceeding"
it?"
''Well, it was last Saturday night in the
barber-shop. That fellow Thompson was
there, and there were about nine of us
waiting to be shaved, whose turns came
after his. 1t was within half an hour of
closing-up time, and there were only two
BARRIERS in the shop. You can kick me
the length of J street if that fellow
Thompson didn't get into chair and
ask for pompadour haircut, shampoo.
shave and a shine. The result was [
had to lay myself liable to expulsion
from the church by getting shaved Sun
day"
The following efusion, scrawled on the
back of a score-card, was found in the
grand stand of the ball-park recently,
where it had evidently been dropped by
its author-a disguised ball crank. It
was headed Manager Macs Night
mare"
Methought lay reposing on bed
OF downy softness, when far o'erhcad
The pennant. like gieam OF lurid light,
Appeared upon the dark background of night.
Toward my bed 1t came, each silken fold
Outlined against the skies like FURNISHED gold,
And as it softly fluttered down through space,
A smiie of triumph overspread my face.
"'Tis ours at lastp' l cried in widest glee.
'Ours, spite of Oakland's fiendish trickery!
Ours, spite of King Sherry's wretched breaks!
bed
OHlIl IL pduseu just DER my neSIeQ mead,
And hung in quivering beauty in the air
AS If suspended by silken hair.
With eager hand reached to seize the staff.
And from the darkness came u fiendish laugh
For when l closed my grasp no staff was
there
My trembling fingers clutched but empty air.
The flag had risen just beyond my reach,
And with a piercing, wild, despairing screech
sank upon my pillow, when once more
1t soft descended, nearer than before.
6 { Slra co1- y,,ayd
The emblem fair but toys with me-" cried
To give the fond embrace Tor which he yearns
1t now comes back with all it's gIittering
charms.
Eager that should clasp it in my armsrp
Then once again toward its folds so soft
stretched my managerial hand aloft.
flendish snicker, and from out the gloom.
Which like sable pall hung o'er the room,
A phantom hand came forth and seized the
staff,
And bore the pennant upward, with laugh
Which Will to memory cling for many years
Like echo from below, assailed my ears,
And close beside the penaant as it riz
saw Juke Finn's joy-illumined phiz!
In tones as chirping as the notes of linnet
He cried: "Come OF, old man, for you're not
initi
You've thought for weeks this silken flag so
fair,
You'd but to grasp from out the baseball air,
Nor dreamed that when you made g final
break,
You'd find the Garden infants wide awake.
I'll have for you tintype of it made
'Twil Keep In memory the ball you've played"
With one wild. loud, despairing scream