The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1891-11-11
'LIGHTs AND SHADOWS OF THE OLD
CAMP FIRES"
ny ONE OF THE sold WITS. "

ny ONE OF THE "oLD VETS.
Why is railway train the exact re-
verse of an army Because it generally
has the'van in the rear.
"The Federal army was uniformed in
blue, and IL was step in the right di-
rection, as blue does not run.
Sheriff McLendon, of Memphis, says
that the day before the battle of Shiloh,
he paid 5000 for pair of boots. and n
the fight had a leg shot off.
The old war-horse Comanche, the only
member OF Clusters band that survived
the massacre of the Little Big Horn, is
still in the flesh at Fort Riley, Kansas,
where troops care for him. Ccmanche is
now 28 years old.
The following order was issued by Gen
eral Howard for the suppression of pro-
fame swearing in his Division: 1.-THE Gen
eral commanding this Division has noticed,
with extreme pain, on the part of officers
and men, the constant and very general
use of profsne oaths. He need not re-
mind any thinking man of the vulgarity
and meanness of the practice, nor speak
of it as a positive violation of Ged's law,
but will simply appeal to the good sense
and better feelings OF the members of his
command and urge them, by all they hold
dear, to abstain from insulting Him whose
protection they need
| SOME HUMoRs OF TIE LATE WAR.
The way for the United States Govern.
ment to prevent its officers from surrend-
ering is to make them afraid to surrender.
The rebels, in. their flight from Rose.
Grams, did not seek refuge In any noun.
tain gorge, but relied chiefly for safety
upon fastness.
General Lee may be an officer of con
siderable penetration but be couldn't pen
citrate Maryland aud Pennsylvania.
When the rebels "ran like sheep they
fed towards Shepherds town.
Those who in these hard times arr
keeping their silver change SO close woult
probably have 1t though that In war they
are for close quarters.
An editor having enlisted in the min,
months quota, publishes portrait of hi
editorial substitute while absent in war
1t looks very much like pair of scissors
In consequence of the war, the people
of the South can make no sugar Oh, WI
will send them any quantities of lead, and
they can lnake sugar.of-lead.
The rebels have lost Harper's Ferry.
They will soor have no foothold in all
that neghborhood, except upon the plat.
form old John Brown stood on.
good thing came Off when the Corn
Exchanges last corps left Philadelphia
for Harrisburg Among the men WAS one
who had young wife. While they were
waiting for the order to march, the young
wife was taking leave OF her husband In
accents broken aud eyes that were be-
dewed in tears, like violcts in summer
shower, the man carressed her, but the
tears still started. He told her of the pa
triotism and muniflcence OF the Corn Elk
change, yet the crystals continued to fall;
he told her Of the country's danger, but
her anguish was not soethed. At last in
his endeavors, he tried another tack.
"Sally," said he, "quit crying; you SEE
what the Corn Exchange has done
they've paid you my bounty; fitted ms
out, and everything" Eyes," the cir
sobbed, "But-" "But what2n "But Il
you get killed, what then ~ "Why," TIL,
man hesitated for moment until luck,
thought struck him, "Why then the Corr
Exchange will find you another husband.
The righteousness of the idea changed tn
current OF the girls feelings and sml
wreathed her pretty mouth and dimple
in manner that was pleasant to behold
The last tear rolled away, and as the wor
forward" was given, she gave the youn
recruit q last kiss and departed in goo
cheer.
THE ARMY DRILL FOR 1891.
FdU M-Lovo with some amiable an
virtuous young woman on the first or
portunity you may have.
Attention-Pay to her, assiduously an
respectfully.
Right Face-Pop the question like
man, and she'll accept you.g
quick March-With her to churcl
and go through the service of holy matr
mony.
Hah-And reflect seriously for fe'
moments; then determine to devote you
} self entirely to your wife.
Right about Face-From the haunt
you have frequented when single, an
prefer your own home.
Present Arnas--Tol your young viii
when out walking together, and don't l.
her walk three or four yards behind you
Break Ranks-Quit billiard playing
betting, and staying out at night, II 20
wish to have happy home.