Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-01-23
DEACON VS.. PARSON.

The Rev. Josiah Franklin Squinteye had
only accepted the passionate of the Porcu-
pine Hollow charge three months previous
to the time of which we write, yet during
this time the parson had made n great host
OF Enthusiastically is this assert on true
SO far as tie female portion of his flock
was concerned
Ii is a well established fact that the peo-
pie of Porcupine Hollow believe and prac-
tice the doctrine of marrying anC multi
plying the inhabitants of Arkansas in the
fullest sense of the term. and if II mans
wife dies he has another selected TO take
her place by his fireside before his late
lamented" gets cold, so thar accounts for
the scarcity of widows and widogers in
that region
AS before intimated, the parson was cut
ting big swath among the rlarriageable
women of his charge. In some manner
the Intelligence preceded him that he was
a bachelor, and tine fair members of his
flock formulated a series OF resolutions,
each in her own mind, to outrival her sis
tiers. Every art known to the feminine
mind was brought into requisition, and
for two months it would have been ex-
tremely difficult to conjecture who would
gain the ultimate victory
After two months had flown by on rand
wings, however, the parsons heart lay at
the feet of an unpretentious but lovable
damsel, and for the next month his atten-
tions were given to her exclusively That
fact had caused many of the good sisters
to grow green with envy. because one of
their more modest number had won so
much attention from the parson, while
they were left at the mercy of the few
eligible men in the matrimonial market
Outside of this there had been nothing
TO mar the frarernal harmony of the par
ish, nor had anything of an exciting char
acter happened since the parsons advent.
On Saturday evening, however, Deacon
Derby sentsfor the parson to visit his wife,
who was then wading out into the chilly
waters of death, and she passed over the
divide in few minutes after the arrival
of the parSon.
The parson tried to console the deacon
on the ground that this loss was his wife's
gain, and spake in very fattering terms of
the departed, to which the deacon re piled:
"fa-as, Sindy wuz er mighty dootiful
wife, an wuz er mos powerful hard wurk-
er, an only las week she hoed Their ter.
hacker down in Their bottom field, cut Their
sprouts outen the moo groun' corn On Their
H.,
Their brush often that air acre lot down
thar by Their crick fer er turnip patch, an
made two hundred rails after dom Their
housewurk, an yit We hev' Their gall to say
AT orter to be consigned an not complain
ner grumble ner nothin', wen Their haint
er womarD i'll Porcupine Holler at 'uld do
nigh Their wurk 'at she'd do"
"Oh," said the parson, 81 know it would
be hard TO find her equal, and realize that
you VIII miss her very much, but her lot
here was full of labor, and now that she is
ct rest you should look forward to the time
when you will meet again"
& 1a-as, mebbe that air so, but it do near
purity rotten bad at she he'd ter I'D an die
Jes' at Their very busiest part o. the YER.
an it'll take nigh fifty pounds o. nv las
yer's terbacker crap ter put Ter erway. an
then thar'll be Their terbacker ter sucker'n
worm ergin mex week, an I'm ded sartin
ter hefter do it myself"
Yes, but grumbling will do no good
now, my dear brother, and then your wife
was faithful Christian, and has gone to
that blIssful cline where the weary are Mt
rest, and therefore we should be glad even
in our sorrow for her blessed hone of a
. bright future"
THAT pears ter be all We preacher feIlers
ther expense wat er man is put ter wen his
wife draps off. I've had four wives aside
Sindy, an wen they upt an died he'd ter
bury 'em, an its cost me ernuff ter keen
me in terbacker'n Ticker fer four year ter
put 'em erway un'er Their daisies, but es We
say, / guess it's no use ter argy emmy longer
erbout it. Thar's some nice walnut planks
Down thar in Their hoSs shed AT he'd sorter
sot my mind ter use fer er terbacker box
AT we kin make her coffin outen, an eli
yell be erbleegin' ernuff ter ak old Dan
Skinner ter come over an help me make
Their coffin I'll be erbleeged ter ye"
81 will do So" said the parson ''but
when will the funeral take placer"
''Termorry, o. co.'s"
The funeral was largely attended and
being the first at which the parson had
officiated in the parish he delivered an elO-
quent Grafton.
The next day half a dozen men were
seated on a log in front of the store, and
the conversation naturally drifted to the
late bereavement Of the deacon, and one
finally said:
''Wonder who ther deacon IL hitch onter
next?''
HE tole me vile we wuz maxim ther
coffin,' said Skinner Sat he had SGT his
eye on Lindy Wells"
"Goshimighty, exclaimed Tom Jump
er, "but Their parsons got FER solid en- uff. "
either parson hes bin er sottin' ter Lindy
shore huff but I've er mind ter bet er plug
err moo priced terbacker at Their deacon
knocks his eye out 18th Lindy Less ep
week." rejoiDed Skinner.
''Tll go ye," said Jumper.
''Say, who's that er comm down yam.
der?' asked one, pointin" toward the fur
ther side of the little sire
Its Their deacon, bed uuire
Munger.
Hello, deacon" said zap
preached the crowd.
"Km'er blue terday,"7 icon,
taking chew Of long Is sat
Town.