The record-union., 1891-07-11

balI and black frost on his backbone, to
shed tears of contrition and lose faith in
all womaukind. Alasi But it is true.
nevertheless. Maidenhood, ice cream and
the adult stomachache go hand in hand
forever.
A few days ago an old friend of mine.
who had suddenly become the happy
lather OF a bouncing baby boy weighing
TWO ana half pounds, and was in a very
generous state of mind, presented to me a
'purp" Of a breed so ANTIQUE that all
trace of his original ancestor has been
lost. But there is no danger of this de-
scendant of the original ancestor ever
getting lost, or even missed. Whenever
he was wanted in the spirit he was al
ways present in the flesh, and when he
was wanted in the flesh he was always
present in the spirit.
For a "purp," he was the most promis-
cuous, circumjaeent and all-abiding, ever
present dog ever saw. Naturally bob
tailed, with a pendulous under lip, and
plalntlye, appealing eyes set well back
under brows that showed by their mass
i've proJectiyeness q great fund of intel
lectuality, with ears that hung like two
leaves OF withered cabbage and a tongue
that was always hanging out on one side
or the other, except when engaged in
barking at the moon, Don Francisco
Clenega de la Sespe Coyote was an at
tractive brute. Heis now in the full bloom
and heyday OF youth IN that mysterious
land from which 10 dog ever returns :;
where they may chase cats up the dog
wood trees forever, eat dog-berries until
they burst, lie in fragrant fields of dog
tennel, and never go athirst in the dog
days, but bay undisturbed in the face OF
the dog-star, or scutter away in pursuit
OF the sun-doGS.
IN other words, Don Francisco Cienega
de Ia Sespe Coyote is dead. Soon after he
was presented to me he made wreck of
the only good pair Of socks I had. and
after ! had shot thirty or forty times at
him, chased him through the hennery
overturning an incubator, torn down a
treiiiS covered with morning glorics,
vainly offered him arsenic, strychnine
and rough on rats. l hired coarse man,
Mexican mule-driver, to run him down
and kick him TO death
do not approve of "purps" Once,
when | was ranching in the foothills of
Nevada County, | endeavored to raise a
'pufp, and | can prove by figures that
It costs just S253 to rear and train dog
through the days of his puppyhood-
IS, for the first six months of his life
II you are engaged in planting, the
''purp" follows closely at your heels, and
while you are putting the seed into one
hill and covering II up he is digging it
ont of the hill you have just Lent one
Iii AtCStl S6tAc1% Ills CtEI(jSllN, ana he
digs into each aud every one. Ii your
grain Is ripe he loves to race thoAgnt IT,
If there IS q cat Oh the place ne Will
never give it Il chance to rest and Pussy
spends her days and the most OF her
nights Ill trees, or flying through
windows and mirrors. II ycu
bring home a piece OF bacon and do not
hang it up Immediately the ''purp" will
hnd 1t, and month or so later you viii
plow it up in the field
One OF your old hens takes q notion to
rear brood. She conceals her nest
where only one thing on earth can dis
cover it. That thing is the ''purp." He
finds il after the hen has been setting in
fancied security for two weeks. and
when he has routed the hen he sits
down Ill the nest and covers himself
with glory and eggs. IN his efforts to re-
move the eggs ne acquires a taste for
them, and becomes an egg hend. II he
has any time to spare after he has wor-
RED the eat, the pigs, the cows and calves,
stolen the meat from the stove, and lit
tered the house with sleas, torn down the
clothes line and buried one Of your boots
IN the orchard, he hunts up the Oldest
rooster on the ranch and chases him
around the barn until he gets near
enough to pull out his tail feathers.
ii the rooster would only turn and pick
the ''puFp' once on the nose, he would
stick his tail between his legs and como
bowling to the house and take refuge un-
der one of the beds, overturning
the furniture as he went.
But roosters don't know that.
"Purps" really have little to do with the
Fourth Of july, and | fear that I have di-
gressed to some extent, but it can't be
helped. However, ! would never give
'purp' to any man but nay worst enemy,
and even then should warn him.
a Y HHLI1TNN