The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1891-12-24

have let 'em alone. Now I'll tell you
what. 1 mean to go down into my grave
declaring that of all the callings i'll used
in Great Britain, the Cheap Jack calling
is the worst used. Why amt we a pro-
fession? Why amt we endowed with
privileges: Why are we forced to take
out a hawkers license, when no such
thing is expected of the political hawk
ers: Where's the difference betwiat us!
Except that we are Cheap Jacks and
they are Dear Jacks, don't see any diff
ference but what's in our favor.
For look here! Say its election time
l am on the footboard of my cart in the
market place on Saturday night. put
up general miscellaneous lot. l say:
Now here, my free and independent
voters, I'm a going to give you such
chance as you never had in all your born
days, nor yet the days preceding Now
I'll show you what l am going to do
with you. Here's a pair of razors that'n
shave you closer than the board Of
guardians; here's a hatiron worth ito
weight in gold; here's a frying pan arti.
ficially favored with essence of beef.
steaks to that degree that you've only
got for the rest of your lives to fry bread
and dripping in it and there you are re.
plete with animal food; here's genuine
chronOmeter watch, in such a solid sill
yer case that you may knock at the door
with it when you come home late from
social meeting, and rouse your wife and
family, and save up your knocker for
the postman, and here's half dozen din
,1otl t,a%x- Il @l,,
balls VITA to charm the baby when it's
fractions. Stop! I'll throw you in an
other article, and I'll give you that, and
it's rolling pin; and if the baby can
only get it we'll into its mouth when its
teeth is coming and rub the gums once
with it they'll come through double, in
a fit of laughter equal to being tickled.
Stop again! I'll throw you in another
article, BECAUSE don't like the looks of
you, for you haven't the appearance Of
buyers unless l lose by you, and because
I'd rather lose than not take money to-
night, and that's a looking glass, in
which you may see how ugly you look
when you don't bid! What do you say
now? Come! Do you say a pound? Not
| you, for you haven't got it. Do you say
| ten shillings? Not you, for you owe
more to the tallyman. Well, then, I'll
! tell you what I'll do with you. I'll heap
'em all on the footboard of the cart
| there they are! razors, fatiron, frying
pan, chronometer watch, dinner plates,
rolling pin and looking glass-take 'em all
away for four shillings, and I'll give you
sixpence for your trouble!' This is me,
the Cheap Jack. But ON Monday morn
ing, in the same market place, comes
the Dear Jack on the hustinG s-his cart
and what does he say?
| "Now my free and independent wot-
ers, I am a-going to give you such a
chance Che begins just like me) ''as you
never had in all your born days, and
that's the chance of sending myself to
parliament. Now I'll tell you what am
a-going to do for you. Here's the inter-
ests OF this magnificent town promoted
above all the rest of the civilized and I'M
civilized earth. Here's your railways
carried, and your neighbors' railways
jockeyed. Here's all your sons in the
postoffice. Here's Britannia smiling on
you. Here's the eyes of Europe on you.
Here's universal prosperity for you, re-
pletion Of animal food, golden cornields,
| gladstone homesteads, and rounds of ap-
pfause from your own hearts, all in one
lot, and that's myself. Will you take
me as I stand? You won't? Well, then,
FL tell you what I'll do with YOU
| Come now! I'll throw you in anything
| you ask for. There! Church rates,
abolition of church rates, more malt tax,
no malt tax, universal education to the
highest mark, or universal ignorance to
the lowest, total abolition of fogging in
the army or dozen for every private
once month all round. Wrongs of men
or rights Of women-only say which it
shall be, take 'em or leave 'em, and I'm
of your opinion altogether, and the lots
your own on your own terms. There!
You won't take it yet! Well, then, I'll
tell you what I'll do with you Come!
You are such free and Independent wot-
ers, and l am SO proud of you-yOu are
such noble and enlightened constitu-
ency, and l am SO ambitious of the honor
and dignity of being your member, which
is by far the highest level to which the
wings of the human mind can soar
that III tell you what I'll do with you.
I'll throw you in all the public houses in
your magnificent town for nothing.
Will that content you? It won't? You
won't take the lot yet? Well, then, be-
fore put the horse in and drive away,
and make the offer to the next most
magnificent town that can be discovered,
III tell you what I'll do. Take the lot,
and I'll drop two thousand pounds in
the streets Of your magnificent town for
them to pick up that can. Not enough:
Now look here. This is the very fur
thest that l am a-going to. I'll make it
two thousand five hundred. And still
you won't? Here, missis! Put the horse
no, stop half moment, I shouldn't
like to turn my back upon you, neither
for trihe. I'll make it two thousand
seven hundred and fifty pounds. There
Take the lot On your own terms, an(
I'll count out two thousand seven hun
dred and fifty pounds on the fOotboard O.
the cart, to be dropped in the streets O
your magnificent town for them to picl
up that can. What do you say? Com,
now! You won't do better, and yo,
may do worse. You take it! Hooray
Sold again and got the seat!''
These Dear Jacks soap the peopl
shameful, but we Cheap Jacks don't
We tell EN- the truth about themselve
to their faces. and scorn to court 'e1n
AS to wenturesomeness in the way O
putting up the lots, the Dear Jacks bea
Us hollow. 1t is considered in the Chea
Jack calling that better patter can b
made out of a gun than any article w
put up from the cart, except "a pair o
| spectacles. | often hold forth about
gun for a quarter of an hour, and feel a
if l need never leave off. But When
tell EN- what the gun can do, and wha
the gun has brought down, never &
: half so far as the Dear Jacks do whe
i they make speeches in praise of thei
0 guns-their great guns that set EN- o
/, to do it. Besides. I'm in business fC
i myself: amt sent down into the maj
:. ket place to order, as they are. Besidet
/!