Fort Worth gazette. [volume] (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1891-1898, 1891-11-09

| VI GU USlu' dt uouC duu IL SOOu
helth. they Lit onto us stlngln and htein
like fury and makein' US all act like lot O.
\ lunarticks. We got the best of 'em after a
| while, but the Prof. he dropped his eye.
| glasses and slept on 'em and smashed 'em
| all up while he was gyratln' around, and
bein' mitey nearsighted-like he was in a
bad fix the balance of the day.
| Then we moved our eatin' place over
| nearer the medder and close to the place
| where my old cote was tied, and when he
| saw the crowd he got Sorter scared-llke and
| begun cavortin' around and ba-ahin' at a
| terrible raft, and when the professor heard
| him and looked sorter squint-ide over that
way, he says, says he: Hear the poor
dear lamb a. bleatin' and seemin' to say
| that he would like to be free, gamblin' on
the green grass insted of bein' tied to the
| cruel tree'' My chum, he sorter grinned
| and po5ed his ellbo into my side, and gettin'
up, he sneaked over behind the tree where
my cote was standin' up and belierin' like a
kaff, and climein up, he got out his Barlo-
nife and cut the old thing loose. The pro-
fessor was just gettin' up with his back to
the cote and had Mustard pie in one hand,
a pitcher of lemonaid in the other and a big
donut in his mouth and was paSsin' EN- to
Miss Dusenberry when my old cote took
him kerbiff rite under the vest buckkle, in
the small o. the back, and here he went he'd
first acrost the table with his face in a
and the other in dish o. tomattusses and
his left foot in Ant Mollie's apron, and here
come my old cote with my dog fluffy"
rite after him plowin' up the grub and
splashin' things all over everybody, and
away they went at a gait that would shaim
Texas norther, the cote leadin' the per
cession and Tuffy close after him, yelpin' at
every jump, Just litein' out towards
home.
1t took quite while to get the things
Straitened up ana the pie and stuff washed
OFF the folkses clothes. and get through
eatin' what was left, and then the Prof.
said as how we would go and get the
grapes he found in the mornin', and we all
had big laff and started of after them
grapes; and sure cnuff he showed US
whole lot of 'em way up in top of a saplin',
and he said he'd show us how he used to
get 'em when he was boy, and he took on
his shoes and coat and went up that saplrn'
like kid and begun THROWN down the
grapes till the girls got to snickerin' like
and one of 'em says: "Them amt grapes,
Professor, them'S stretch berries, - and we
all had big laff, and Prof allowed that if
he'd a had his glasses he'd knowed better,
and he LATED louder'n anybody, and ketch-
in good hold of the saplin' with both
hands he turned all other hollis loose and
dropped down towards the ground, thinkin'
the Saplin' would bend down low enuff so
he could drop on the ground sorter light;
but it didn't bend far enuff, and left him
hangin' up there just outen reach, SO he
hollered to Pa and Pa he got a big chunk
and got up on it and reached up and
ketched a good hold of Professors pants
and give 'em pull and the chunk rolled
over and poor Pa he got an awful fall and
hung on to the pants, and the Professor
bein' sort of dude and not wearin' any
gallusses 'ceptin' a Gording SASH of cOmes-s
the pants, leavin' him danglin' and kickin'
in the air like Abslam's son
He was the awfullest lookin' thing dang
lin up there, you ever did see, and | draw
a vale; $50 did all the rest O. the girls that
had one with 'em) and my Ant Illusion
Pants she Whispered to Pa that she knowed
in her own mind that the professor was a
escaped convict from the plenipoten-
tiaiy, cause they all wore clothes
with the stripes runnin' around,
like professor had on. Pa, he told
her to shut her mouth cause she bein' fe-
mail old maid didn't know nothin' about
mems clothes and things, and we all went
away while the professor got down, and We
went over to where my dog Tufy was
barkin' and cavortin' around a holler tree,
an raisin' an awful fuss, and pa said he
knowed it was a rabbit and he would show
US how he used to twist 'em out when he
was boy; pa said he used to get seventeen
rabbits day, some days, so he got nice
lOuS lOSu duu run IL up lLlS III Uuc
tree and was dredful interested twistin'
and twistin' when the professor comes up
and says, says he: s'We are havin' love-
~ day, Mr.. Pants"
'I'm touchin' of him rite now," says Pa.
sYoure big fool" muttered the profess
scr. YES" says pa, twistin' away for
dear life and tninkin' only about the rabbit,
''the woods is full of 'em.'' Then the giris-
all giggled, and the professor he sorter
mel had nyn1 Il rlxy 1@,
'tNow I've got him." and we all gathered
close up around the tree and squatted down
watchln' the hole while pa pulled the switch
out Sorter easy like. ''Harki" says Miss
Dusenberry, 81 smell somethin' awful, and
wouldn't wonder if the woods was
burnin'." All the rest of 'em began to look
like they thought so too, and when that
pas shoulder and jumped into Miss
Measles lap and onto three or four of my
ants and all over my chum, and Bub he hol-
Tered: Hike yourself Tommy, It's a
skunk ~ why the way that crowd scattered
was a caution.
Ant Calamity Pants, she's always in
trouble, she run over humble bees nest |
and got full of 'em, and all the rest of the
crowd screeched and made for the wagons
and said it was time to go home rite off.
1t was an awful time, but everybody
LATED and made the best OF it, and we got
into the wagons and just as we was Startln' |
here come old man Pulltight what owns the
place, luggin' my chum bellerin' under one
arm and holdin' of his nose with the other,
and he says, says he, 'I've had that steel
trap set for that air skunk for more than a |
month"; Poor Bub. he hain't been outen |
the house since we left him al his house on
the way home, and all his clothes benz bur- |
led and his ma not havin time to make him |
any more just now and his foot bein' sorter |
like by that steel traps the rea-
son he couldn't rite his letter to you this |
time. We all got home safe and we buried |
Tuffy, and Pas clothes, and / meant to sent |
you speshal about the picknick, and Pm |
sorry | didn't, cause Saturday mornin' l |
cut this notice outen the Daily News |
WE SCOOP THE GAZETTE AGAIN!
We stop the press IN order to announce |
in this issue that the picnic given at |
Pulltight's pasture Yesterday was decided |
success. We call the attention of our |
readers to the fact that this item appears |
in the '.NewSmonger' at least two hours in |
advance of the Fort Worth GAZETTE, |
although that Journal keeps high-priced |
CORES pondent subsidized at this point, and |
that this is the second time within the past |
five years that we have produced import |
tant news like the above in advance of our |
cotemporary. When it comes to |
publishing a genuine news item the |
Newsmonger will spare neither time nor |
expense to be last IL the field and first to |
leave it. What have our esteemed |
THE GAZETTE and the Pants
family to say nowl
My Ants was Sarah-naded the night we |
got home. and I'll tell you all about that