Middletown transcript., 1891-06-11
REUBEN's OLD DAD.
HE ALMOST LIFTED THE STATE
OF TENNESSEE.

HE ALMOST LIFTED THE STATE
OF TENNESSEE.
pot off at a small railroad station
in Tennessee to find crowd in front Of
= saloon, and as | began inquiring the
cause Of the excitement young man
of twenty turned and replied:
/" Stranger, 1 kin tell ye all about u.t
it. Do We want to see the corpse z
"Then some one is dead 7"
dead as a coon-track, and it's my
old dad at thatp'
"Been row here I"
"Not q bit of it. Dad jest made
fule Of hisself. He's in thar waitin
fur cart to take hisself home to be
laid out and buried"
"Never seed nuthin' to ekal it IN
oil my bon days !" said man in the
crowd.
"I was right yere, or l wouldn't
hev sniggered to it no how" added a
second. ;.
at was Jest this way, stranger"
continued the son as he picked
silver off q pine box and began to
whittle at it with a spring-back jack
knife. dad an, me comes down
we're this mawnin' to buy q mewl.
Dad was powerful frisky all the way
down, and be sez to me, sez he:
"tReube. I kin out.walk, out-run,
out-shute, out-hollar and out-lick
anythin' on top Of this yere airth's
surface, and I'll bet our farm agin a
drink Of Nashville whisky on it !"
81 sees dad was purity chucky, and
I sex to him, SEE /:
"sDad, you's top Of the heap
around we're, and nobody kin deny,
but doan' you go and meet up with
no fight in town. We's arter mewl,
we il, and we doan' want no fussin'
nor nuthin'.'"
"And with that dad jumps TO feet
high and cracks his hells together and
whoops out that he's b'ar-traps, pizen,
powder and catamount, all billed down
into one. and that he's dangerous if
anybody goes to pick up his hind
foot"
"Yaas, and | hears him holler
{ when he's mile away" said one of
the crowd.
"Ofc you did," replied Reuben,
"of co'se. Dad was powerful on the
holler. He'd holler bar out'n
tree half q mile away. When We got
down yere thar was feller from
Memphis with . patent liftin, masheen
a-standin' right yere. Thar's the
pieces of it agin the fence, while the
Teller hisself is ten miles away and
still runnin'.">
"But twasn't his fault" protested a
man on mule-back.
"I amt sayin' as twas" placidly
answered Reuben. "I'm a-sayin' as
dad got mixed up and made fnle Of
hisself. No sooner had he sot eyes on
the mashen than be cracks his heels
together and crows like a rooster and
sez to me, sez he:
"e Reube, / kin pull the hull durn-
ed State Of Tennessee right up by the
roots if I kin git brace fur my feet.
az tried to shy him off by talkin'
mewl, but dad was powerful sot in his
ways, and he crows some more and
hollers:
8" Whoop-whoopee Lemme git
hold of them ERE handles, and all
you who don't want to tip over when
the airth comes up had better hang to
the fences Reube, stand back and
gimme room 7"
"Yaas, I heard him cay them re-
marks" put in one Of the crowd.
"So'd l." added half q dozen others.
"Of co'se he said 'em," continued
Reuben" of co'se. Nobody's deny.
in that he said i'm. Dad jest figger-
ed on pullin' most Of this yere airth
up as easy as you kin lift the top crust
of a pie. He spit on his hands, grab
bed them ere handles, and when he
straightened up / jest felt the ground
trembling all around"
"So'd IP' called seven or. eight
voices in chorus.
Dad had one side of the hull
county lifted up two foot high, VIXEN
there was a rip and a smash-them
handles tore out, the masheen few to
pieces and the airth sunk back with
chugg. which made us dizzy"
Then your father had broken
bloodvessel or something of the sort p
gueried.
"Skeercely, stranger - skeercely.
Dad want no man to stop at one
bloodvessel. He jest busted hisself
all to pieces, and was a goner afore we
could reach him. l might say he
sort O. run together and caked. He
was six feet high when he grabbed
them handles, and now you can't
make him over four foot ten as he lies
in thar on board. Jest pulled his
knees up and his shoulder down, and
reckon his lungs would hold his
galluses up ifthar' was any buttons on
'em. The man who owned the
masheen wasn't to blame-of co'se he
wasn't-but when seed the calamity
be started fur Knoxvill on the jumpin'
when he turned the CO o'ner of the hill
up thar! Dads in yere, stranger
Come and take look. Mighty good
man, dad was, but a lettle too coltish
when he had about fo' drinks of apple
jack under his shirt bosum. Crowd
back thar. boys, and make room |!
Doan' act like you never dun met up
with a calamiteus spectacle befo r.
NJ. Quad, in New York World.
For Over Fifty years