The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1891-02-12
NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN.



boy.
William S. Lowe had been courtiug
Miss Mamie Bontong nearly two years,
and when Mamie's mother insinuated
that it was about time Willie had
screwed his courage up to the "popp-
ing" point, the daughter protested:
But, ma, Willie is SO awfully bash
ful, you know. l think he loves me,
but he's afraid to propose
Well" responded the experienced
mother, "this is leap year, and you
should encourage him. A young
won,an's wit should come to her assist
ance at such Il critical period"
Her mothers words set Mamie to pom
deflng. 1t was not long before she hit
upon scheme. \ newspaper descrip-
ton Of the perfected plonograph sug-
sestsd the idea. Mamie procured one
of TIE wonderful Instruments and took
1t t" her room. Then she seated herself
beside 1t and soiiloquized thusly:
i can't understand why Willie don't
propose. l wish he wasn't 50 very bash
lul. He must know that | love him
dearly. Perhaps il he knew that IA
and ma weld cheer!ully give their con
sent he'd ask the vital question to-
night"
The phonograph recorded each word
she uttered IN exact intonation and
articulation. When MIR. Lowe called a
lew hours later he found the instrument
on the parlor table. He examiyed it
critically and asked Mamie if it was
loaded. The engenuous girl replied, as
Ia COL IN lae al 4
pink, that she had Il little talk with it in
the afternoon, but she wouldn't We
him know what she said for worlds.
Then she suddenly said. as if she had
forgotten something: "Oh, excuse me,
I'll return in minute and swept out
OF the room.
When William found himself alone,
he resolved to do what any young man
would have done under similar circum-
stances. He determined to reproduce
Mamie's afternoon talk"
Of course Mamie was not aware that
her mischievcus brother. Bob, aged
fourteen years, had fooled with the
phonograph after she had set it 10
capture Mr.. Lowe. When Bob, bv
chance. saw the machine in the rarlor,
he said he was bound to see how the
old thing worked and there being no
| one present to interfere he soon mas
tered its secret. Bob was lover of the
| national game, and terribly addicted to
slang. When he heard Mamie's words
pronounced, he chuckled:
"Ahi | catch on to SIS little game.
I've heard about this phonvgraf ar
rangement. This tafrv was intended for
the ears of Bill Lowe. l don't like Bill.
He won't talk base ball, and he never
carries any cigarettes. He's been hang
ing around this palatiat shanty long
enough. He's got no sand, and Ill put
him out on foul. I'll give him dose
that1l fill him with the green ed
lobster, you bet"
Then he put his mouth close to the
phone and carried on an imaginary con-
versation between couple of lovers.
making peculiar sound with his lips
at brief intervals.
There said the bad boy, as he stole
silently out of the room, Il guess that'll
settle him."
And it did!
In place Of Mamie's sweet words the
following gushing dialogue greeted
Williams astonished ears:
Mamie, | can conceal my feelings no
| longer. | love you to distraction ~
Smack,
Il love you. too, dear Charlie. 81
Smack! Smack
Then you care nothing for that
Lowe fellow who has been comirg here
so long?" Smack! Smack. Smack!
No; detest him. At one time
thought l liked him, but his visits now
make me tired Smack! Smack
Smack. Smack
You dear" : darling, pre-
cious" Smack =" Mamie, l don't de-
serve so"-Smack much hap
Smack "piness. My own, Smack
-"ownest Mamie. l could hold You
in" Smack these arms forey-"
William dropped the handle and clied
in tones of anguish:
This is agony. | can hear no more !
Farewell. false one, foreverw
When Mamie returned to the parlor
her sweet William was gone and she
never saw him again. - Sunshine.