San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1891-10-29
ALL SORTS.

In the restaurant. MI. reSuol-
What's that AWFUL thumpiug out
there? Waiter-Dat's de cook. Yo'
ordered tenderloin steak, didn't yo',
sab PUCK.
He Finishes His Work: Doctor"
saws Mrs. Worritt, sis it really true
that many people are buried alive?"
| "None of my patients ever are" re-
piled DIR. Graves. Puck.
II never pays no attention ter de
man dat talks loud and 6OistOrous in
an office" remarked the new office
boy. He ouly acks dat way down
town cause ne dasn't at home. y
4 Washington Star.
The Missionary Spirit: Mrs Watts
| suppose it is owing 10 the lack of
time that you never wash your face?
Hungry HiggIngs-Yes'm. I'm too
busy scouriu' the country.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Did Bronson save anything from
! the wreck of his fortune?' Eyes, for
UunateIy for him his wife had been
| shopping the day before he tailed,
and all the goods had to be shipped
home .-Harper's Bazaar.
Enough to Keep Him Busy:-Wife
five got TO go tn dress reform
meeting tonight. You WON'T be lone
some, will you, DEAR" Husband
"On, 10, indeed, L have buttons 10
sew on. "-CIoak Review.
A Stoical Sufferer: Dorothy Ito mar
ried friend)-"Do you still find Char
lie to be the hero you once thought
him?u Mabel-"Well, yes. He hasn't
once complained of my biscuits, al
though l can hardly eat them my
selt."-Judge.
Handy for the Victims: "How do
you expect to make any money with
a pawnshOp away out in this part of
town." How? Good gracious! Pm
100 yards nearer the Garfield Park
race track than any other pawn broker
in the city."-Chicago Tribune.
IllIterate neutrality-suspicious.! APP
pricots. Three for ten cents" Miss
Minerva \ bs Olute, from Boston-"Oh,
most wretched man! L wanted some
apricots so much, but your atrocious
INSTRUMENTATION has made it quite
impossible for me to relish them" j.
Boston Courier.
Fooling the Bull: Tourist-Say,
m ;ster, do you think it would be safe
for me to cross this field? Farmer
Well, / dunno. There's that old
scarecrow over there; the bull got
used to it. 1t you will just stand still
every time he looks at you [ gness
you can fool him Brooklyn Citi-
| zen.
She Had the Last Word: Wool
| "What is the trouble between you
and Miss Fipps?" Van Petit spoke
TO her without an introduction and
| she told me [ was no gentleman. |
told her she was no Judge" Wool -
what did she say to that?" Van
Pslt-"She said it did not take one to
| tell. n-New York Herald.
"She calls it an ostrich feather
| said one woman to another. do you
think it is?" mo; that's merely a
nom de plume. "-Washington Star.
De Canter there any sure way
to tell the age OF hOrse?" De TrO'-
| ter-"Yes. Ask the dealer and multi
ply by two."-New York Weekly.
George-The girl used to go with
will sit behind us at the theatre to-
night. Ethel-Mamma, do you know
where l put my high Eat?-New York
Herald.
Barclay" said the wife Of the sick
man, there is the Rev. Mr.. Goodman,
who has come to talk TO you" Ibid
he bring anybody to identify him?"
inquired the bank cashier, feebly.-
Chicago Tribune.
Prof. Whackem-''W no helped you
| to do these sums ?" JOhny Fizzle-
| top-"Nobody, sir" What! nobody?
Now don't lie. Didn't your brother
! help you?'k mo, be didn't help ME,
he did them all by himself. Texas
S;ftings.
William Ami want you to come
and take that burglar alarm right
| out of nv house. observation-disclosures
it work? William Ann-Work! 1t
has scared burglar to-death, and
his widow has sued me for $1,000
damages. Brooklyn Lite.
He Knew Him: Stranger-Id like
room ON the second floor. Hotel
Clerk can give you one on the
| third. Stranger-But that's another
story. Clerk-Froat! Take Mr.. Kip
Iing's valise up to S6.-Harvard Lam
pooh.
| NO Expense Spareu Inc Onuei
| taker-" Will you let me have couple
of pennie to put over your bus bands
! eves?" The Well-PrOvided-fo Young
WidOw-"Ob. no, couldn't allow you
to use such iusificant coins; here are
couple of $40 gold pieces. Poor dear
William was so generousW lWeeps
HISTORICALLY )-Brooklyn Eagle.
No Surprise: Jack (tenderly TO the
little brother OF his adored ONE
Would you like to know secret,
Tommy? TOmmy-"YOu bet ~ Jack
We'll, Pm in love with your SIS