davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Why People Get Married.

Though it is very common to repr0acI
old bachelors with their celibacy, and tC
pity old maids as if single blessednes'
we're a misfortune, yet many married
people have seen ft to offer apologies fol
having entered into what some profane
wag has called the "holy bands of pad
lock" One man says he got married to
get housekeeper, another to get rid Of
bad company.
Many women declare they got married
for the sake of home; few acknowledge
that their motive was to get husband.
Goethe averred that he got married in
order to be respectable" John Wilkes
said he took wife ''to please his friend" I"
Wyncherly, who espoused his housemaid,
said he did it TO spite his relations.
A widow who married q second hus-
band said she wanted sOmebady 10 con-
dole with her for the loss Of her first.
Another, because she thought wedding
would "amuse the children" Another
to get rid Of incessant importantly from
a crowd Of suitOrs.
Old maids who get married invariably
assure their friends that they thought
they could be more useful" as wives
than as spinsters. Nevertheless, Quilp
gives it as his opinion that nine-tenths of
all the people who marry, whether wild
ows or widOwers. spinsters or bachelors,
do 50 for the sake Of-getting married.
L0n1nn TId-Rts.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
The Keystone State.

The State of Pennsylvania makes a
showing in the Bureau of Statistics of
which its residents may well be proud.
1t has an area Of $4,000 square miles
and a population Of 5-25S,0l4.
It takes Sll, ,902, Pol to run the public
school system of Pennsylvania one year,
of which S6,669, ,79s goes to the teachers
and superintendents. The teachers con-
stitute an army of 23.9I7, the males
numbering s,l9l and the females l5,726.
The number Of pupils enrolled in the
public schools is l,027 ,Ol7, within few
thousands Of the school enrolment of
New York, Notwithstanding its much
larger population
There are 10 theological schools, with
Csc pupils; one law school +; five regular
medical colleges, having l,404 students /;
one homeopathic school, and % colleges
of liberal arts, having 5,793 pupils. The
female colleges are u in number, having
1884 scholars.
No State is paying of its obligations
more rapidly than Pennsylvania, and
few so rapidly. This is the case with
both State and county governments. The
State debt, less sinking fund was in 1880
1892, ,4O5, while in 1890 it had dwindled
10 S4,O9O,792. The county debts, exclu-
sive Of municipal and town indebted
ness, was in 1880 S9,7sl ,SS4 in 1890, ST.
81 ,4Si; total debt, less sinking fund, in
1880, S23,I73,7s9; 1890, S11 ,932, ,275. Debt
per capita, 1880, S5.4l; 1890, spy.
The number of depOsitoTs in savings
banks in the State is 22l, ,6I3, and they
have on deposit an average Of S295.9S to
each depositor.
In coal and iron production Pennsyl-
vsnia takes the highest rank.
In the number of miles Of railroad in
operation Pennsylvania is the fourth
State. Is has s,764 miles.-PiasJurgh
Chronicle Telegraph.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Couldn't Fool Her.

A woman opened the front door, and,
addressing a seedy looking man down on
all fours who was seemingly looking for
something, said;
what are you doing, hereg'
MADAM" he said, Strengthening up,
"please be so generous as TO pardon this
apparent intrusion. Ny little girl and l
were coming along here Just now, and
the child, in her gay frolicsomeness ran
across your greensward, but in her glad
forgetfulness dropped half dollar that
had been given her by the hsndsomest
and noblest of women. We were on
our way to get doll for my other little
girl who is sick in bed, and it would
have done your heart good to have seen
the happiness Of the little would-be pur-
chaser, but she lost the money, and now
almost broken hearted she has gone
home to tell her poor mother of the great
calamity"
THAT was indeed too bad" remarked
the WOMAN.
"Yes, madam, and ifI could hope
have you any little children"
"Yes."
Then you know what disappointment
means TO child. If I only knew where
/ could borrow half q dollar how mex
pressibly happy l should be- Madam,
could you let me have half dollar ?n
''No, not this morning"
swell, could you let me have a quar-
ter now and give me the rest this after
noon! ?"
'No /; l can do that either"
well, madam, may I ask what you
are prepared to do?"
Il am prepared to tell you to move on
or I'll send for policeman"
"You are thoroughly prepared for this,
are your"
81 am"
"All right; shall bid you good morn
ing. 1t is one Of my business rules never
to tamper with any one that is thorough
ly prepared.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
A Fool. Errand Truly.


For fear this may reach the eyes ofthe
hero of the incident, will substitute for
his correct address that Of Calais, Ne.
1t was not a thousand miles from there.
The letter read to come at once and open
safe, as there were important docu-
ments wanted for immediate use. With
his kit of tools, our man took the next
train, and arrived on the following even
ing. 1t proved to be an old-fashioned
safe, with large key lock. "There"
said the man, SIS the safe. The lock has
been working harder and harder for
weeks, until now l am locked out. am
in hurry to have it opened. Never
mind the damage if you viii only break
into it in short order"
Our expert took the key and tried it,
but it refused to work. He thes took a
small wire and picked out half thim-
bleful of dirt and lint from the key, tried
it again, and better working lock was
never seen. "How much is your bill p
As this involved q trip to and from
Calais, of about 600 miles, and time and
expense in proportion, he replied $40.
Taking roll Of bills from his pocket, he
said: THAT is satisfactory on condi-
tons. Does any one in the place know
your business here?" The reply was {:
"No one" "All right then, get out by
the next train and keep mum, for 1
would gladly pay sl0O rather than have
any of my friends know that was fool
enough to go to Boston for a man to
pick the dirt out Of my key."-BOsOn
Courier.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Sentiment on Wheels.

"N1y Darling"
These endearing words, in bright gold
en- letters, stood out in bold relief on the
dashboard of huge four-horse truck in a
Broadway blockade Of vehicles. They
aroused tender memories. The driver
looked as unsentimen;al as possible in
his coarse Taiment and with his rough
manners, but he was not profane or bru-
tai toward his horses. Patiently he
awaited the loosening Of the jam while
his neighbors filed the air with curses.
Finally, his horses becoming restive, ne
climbed down from his box and soOtIed
them with gentle words and cares
es. Then a bystander asked why he
called his truck any Darling
~why," he said, because it keeps
green the memory ofmy daughter, little
Nellie. She's dead now, but before she
joined the angels she clasped her hands
around my neck and said
"Papa, I'm going TO die, and ! want
you to promise me one thing, because II
will make me 50 happy. VIII you prom
ise ?"
90 Yes' said, 1'll promise anything
what is it?'
Then fixing her eyes upon mine she
said "Oh, papa, don't be angry, but
promise me you'll never swear any more
nor whip your horses hard, and be kind
10 mamma
That's all there is about it mister, for
1 promised my little girl I'd grant her
last request, and, sir, I've kept my word. {"
Then the blockade was lifted, the big
truckman resumed his seat, dashed a
tear from his eye and was soon lost in
the muddy tide Of travel-N,1r York
York
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Tom craig's Wonderful Pig.

Our friend, Jacob staff, sends me the
following, and assures US that it is a gen
uine article;
'The owners Of fex dogs in Harrison
county have all been telling about their
fine dogs and their achievements; but
Captain Tom Craig now comes 70 the
front with story of q pig that discounts
all the dog yarns that the fox dog own
ers have been spinning. Captain Craig,
being accosted with this scribe's usual
salutation-tell me something-said: !
have fox dog that 1 want to tell you
about He is Of the @root-hog-or-die''
species, and is about 3 months old, and
was present to my little boy from nv
neighbor, Henry Stevens. lie is CON-
mon looking speckled pig, and has been
raised pet with the puppies, He eats
and sleeps with them, and when go
hunting he goes too, and win stay out
with Us three hours at q time.
ait would amuse you to see him cir
cling to come in and head the dogs when
they get far ahead Of him. OF course
he cannot keep up with them when they
are running fast. The other night We
we're out hunting and the pig got behind
but he cut in and soon caught US, and
was with Us at the tree. I would have
paid & good price for a picture ofthe
scene at this tree. The dogs laid down,
one Of them driving bed Of leaves
around him. The pig went and laid
down with him, putting his head on the
dogs forefeet, which were crossed -
Ams iea1s Feld.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Our Public Schools

Are the main-stay Of our Republic. In
them are being cultivated the minds
which are to be our future Lawmakers
and leaders in every walk of life. How
essential it is that these minds should be
united to strong, healthy bodies. So
many children suffer from impurities and
poisons in the blood that it is a wonder
that they ever grow up to be men and
women. Many parents cannot find words
strong enough to express their gratitude
to Hoods SarsAparilla for its good effect
upon their children. Serofula, salt rheum
and other diseases of the blood are effect
ually and permanently cured by this ex-
cellent medicine, and the whole being is
given strength to resist attacks of dis
ease
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Literary Anagrams.

What words are used most in asking
questions? Watts.
What shall we have for dinner?
Lamb.
8. What is a test Of a mans character? ?
What his Wordsworth.
I. Where shall I buy my churn2
Cooper.
). What do we call a tall man? Long
fellow.
6. What is the desire ofthose who
have money? M0O-e.
Z. What means do some people use to
get money? Steel
S. of whom shall order my dress
suit? Taylor
9. What shall do for lady in dan
ger? Warner.
10. What is a trial to ones feet? Bun
yam.
Il. How shall we get across the river2
Roe.
r. What shall We have for breakfast?
Bacon.
IS. What is the best way to frighten
enemies2 Shakspere.
Il. Oh, mamma. what shall l wear
out in the snow storm? Hood.
Is. And what shall say If my nose
gets frost bittens? Il Burns.
16. What does ever whit desire to be?
Whittier.
Il. What do people often do to the
family record? Addison.
Is. What is the most mischieyous Of
spirits? The Dickens.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
When it Hurt.

An army surgeon in the late Civil War
had occasion TO lance an abcess for q
poor fellow at Camp Douglas, and as the
sore was obstinate the knife had % be
used twice. The operation was not q
very painful one, but the patient declar-
ed that it had nearly killed him, and
when a third resort to the lancet was
proposed he protested that he eould
never 90 through the operation alive.
The surgeon promised to make it easy
for him, and calling up a few Of the
loungers ordered one Of them to hold his
hands close over the patients eyes and
two Others to grasp his hands firmly.
This arrangement" explained the
doctor, SIS said to prevent pain in such
an operation. Now, lie perfectly quiet,
and when say 'Nowv prepare your
self"
The surgeon at once began quietly with
his work, and in 3 short time had COM
pleted the operation without the least
trouble, the patient lying as quiet as
though in sleep.
When all was done, the surgeon laid
aside the knife, and said, ~Now - Such
a roar came from the lips Of the sick man
as seldom is heard from any human be-
ing. He struggled to free himself, Yell
ing, 90, doctor, you're killing me v'
Shouts of laughter soon drowned his
cries, and he was told that the operation
had been all over before the signal was
given
1t was a good joke, but it is doubtful
if the poor fellow could ever be made to
believe that he did not feel actual pain
Immediately after that fatal "Now -
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
The Girl in the Country.

wish you could understand that while
you may know no end Of things about
the city, the girl in the country could
teach you great deal However. there
is, | am sorry to say, too often an inclina-
ton on your part TO be little bit eonde-
scending to the girl who hasn't read the
latest book, who doesn't know about the
newest fashions, and who doesn't realize
TO what extent electricity is used in the
city. That girl shows you great deal Of
kindness, and you should give her kind
ness in return. Because you know how
to make twelve-cent gingham 50 that
it has particular stylish air, is the very
reason why you should show her how,
and not stand aloof and criticize the
gown that she has made after the fash
ion of year ago. II you have got any
books with you, share them with her
il she wants to know anything about
museums. or libraries, or music in the
city, tell her oft, and tell her in 4 nice
way. Don't make her feel that you are
condescending to her, because, after all,
that is an impossibility, and you are only
showing that you are little bit of a
snob when you attempt this. Have
good time together and make what you
know, and what she knows, an inter
change. Let her tell you Of the many
things that she knows, and you will be
surprised to find how quiet, country liv-
ing develops broad, original thinking.
You will discover that what she has read
she knows thoroughly; and you will be
gin to be little bit ashamed that you
read book, throw it aside, and remem-
Der so little Of the contents.
For my own part, like the country
girl. She is healthy and wise COM
panion, and just because We are all just
girls together am going to say one little
word Of warning about how to behave
You are the stranger, you can talk about
new things, you are the object Of interest
in the neighborhood and have a certain
sort of fascination for the young men.
Now my country girl has a sweetheart
don't be so mean, for it is meanness, as |
to try and draw him away from here.
It's only summers day with you ; it |
may make lifelong disappointment for
her. My dear girls, want every one of you
in the city and the country to respect the
right of the girl whom you meet, not to
mean, not to do underhand things, not to
indulge in silly, idiotic fiirtations, but TO \
be open and honorable, and to realize
the goodness and truth not only ofthe
country girl, but of her sweetheart
Lddie's Home Journal
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
A Dangerous Habit.

Il can tell you, said a prominent ply
sieian to a representative Of The cal,
what IS a fruitful source Of disease
"And what IS it9H
@In riding in the street cans you have
no doubt seen passengers. particularly
women, take a piece Of coin from
pocketbook and place It between the lips
while waiting for the conductor 10 come
along. II Is a habit formed By many and
most dangerous one"
"why?"
"Did you ever for a moment think,
continued the physician, where a piece
Of coin may have been before it came
into your possession, to what use it may
have been put, or where its place Of lodg-
ment was? have known many in
stances in which coins have been used to
close the eyes Of leprous Cinnamon.
Then again. there IS a certain class Of
women who are superstitious and beliese
that if they will place in their stocking
the first piece Of coin they receive in tte
day luck will follow them all day long.
And how many are there who carry
money in their boots or shoes and draw
it from there as necessity demands ? Just
think of money that has been used in
the manner l have described being
placed between the bps Of any one-maR
or woman. Money carries with it many
blessing, but it also carries many q
curse, for bright as it is, it carries upon
its face the germs of many a disease
which is communicated TO the people in
the manner have described. .7-S.n From
cisco OIL
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
A Serious Objection.

A German peasant family had made
all their arrangements to emigrate to the
United States. The day before the fam.
lily was TO take its departure the eldest
son, Hans, who was an enormous eater
intimated that he did not care TO 20
west.
"Has some village maiden beguiled
thee to remain behind ?" asked the faith
er.
Nothing Of the kind"
@Why, then, dost thou not wish to 20
with Us %
"Fve been talking with the school
master, and"
"Well, what did he say? ?"
"He says that when it is I2 O'Clock
here in Germany that"
THAT wh4t?'
"He says that when il is u O'Clock
With Us here in Germany in America If
is in the evening"
Il don't want TO go to a place where /
have to wait that long for my dinner,
and the poor fellow completely broke
down at the bare thought of it--Tsras
.Sfffiggs-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
LaGrIppe Again.

During tue epidemic of LaGriPPe last
season DIR. Kings New Discovery for con-
sumption, coughs and colds, proved to be
the best remedy. Reports from the many
who used it confirm this statement. They
were not only quickly relieved, but the
disease left no bad after results We ask
you to give this remedy trial, and we
guarantee that You will be satisfied with
results, or the purchase price will be re-
funded. 1t has no equal in LaGrippe, or
any Throat, Chest or Lung Trouble.
Trial bottles free at J. n Snyder's Drug
Store. Large bottles SOC. and 81.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
About the Only Way.

Il suppose you have studied accounts
some ?" said the old family acquaint-
snee to the young man who had come
home from school.
~Yes, sir"
"What do you consider the best meth
Cd ofkeeping books 81
+Don't let your friends know you have
any" was the prompt response.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Kindness MisappHed.

whats the master?7 asked the kind
hearted old gentleman Of the boy who
was weeping bitterly.
81 g-got two nice clean blocks an them
fellers took 'em away from me"
Well well rD exclaimed the old gem
tleman. @Did you want them 50 very
bad? ?"
"Y-yes, sir"
Hasn't your mother any kindling
"N-no, sir.
"Father too poor to Duy any?'
''N-no, sir"
"Does he drink ?"
'S-some7
@Hunph. Very proper pride. I see
it al" was the kind-hearted comment.
"But you wanted the blocks for kind
ling, didn't you ?"
"N-nO, sir"
~Why, what did you want them for
them"
Il w-want EN- to hit together aud
m-make dickens Of a n-noise with, sir"
The kind-hearted gentleman turned
the corner almost at a trot to avoid miss
ing an appointment.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
4" Just as Good. I"

Say some dealers, who try to sell 8
substitute preparation when a customer
calls for Hoods Sarsaparilla. Don't allow
any such false statements as this TO in
duce You to buy what you do not want.
Remember, that the only reasonIfor max
ing it is that few cents more profit viii
be made on the substitute Insist npor
having the best medicine-Hood's Sarsa-
parilla. 1t is peculiar to itself
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
The Horses Sense of Smell.


Did you ever watch a horse feeding at
pasture? How he works his lips Ike
fingers, pickinga tuft here and there and
leaving others. He does this by scent,
which in the horse is most exquisite.
Ny riding horse one day suddenly SHE'D
and jumped to the other side Of the
road. On looking about 1 saw a rattle
snake sleeping on the bank, fifteen feet
away. It was quickly killed, but the
horse passed the spot with suspicion for
weeks aflerWard. A horse will smell q
snake long distance. This acute sense
serves him in all his feeding. lie picks
over his hay and rejects any not pleas
ing TO his smell, and rejects water from
bucket in which milk has been carried.
He finds his way in the darkness by the
same sense, and so acute IS this that he
can recognize his companion by the
tracks along the road or pasture. For
these reasons We should be most careful
not to foul hay in the making or gather
ing, but TO keep it as clean as one would
keep his own food. Thus, 70 squirt
filthy tobacco juice over the hay is an
insult 10 the mere civilized animal.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Bward.
500
500

The readers { the HERALD will be
pleased to learn hat there is at least one
dreaded disease that science has been
able to cure in 81 its stages, and that is
Catarrh. HalkCatarrh Cure is the only
positive cure NV known to the medical
fraternity. Csarrh being constitution
al disease, reqtres a constitutional treat
ment Halls Catarrh Cure is taken in
ternally, actiD directly upon the blood
and mucous srfaces Of the system, there
by destroyirHthe foundation Of the dis
ease and givig the patient strength by
building uphe constitution and assisting
nature in dong its work. The proPrietors
hSve 50 mun faith in its curative pow
ers that the offer One Hundred Dollars
for any casthat it fails to cure. Send
for list of tetimonials. Address,
FL. GENEY & CO., Toledo. O.
"a Sold h Druggists at 75c-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
KISSING GooD-BY.

A kiss he took and backward look,
And her heart grew suddenly lighter.
A triae you say, to color day,
Yet the dull gray morn seemed brighter.
For hearts are such that tender touch
May Danish look of sadness;
A small. slight thing can make US sing,
But frown will check our gladness.
The cherished ray along our way
Is the little act of kindness.
And the keenest sting some careles thing
That was done in a moment Qf blindness.
We can bravely face life in home where
strife
No foothold can discover,
And the lovers still If we only will,
Though youths bright days are over.
All, sharp as swords cut the unkind words
That are far beyond recalling,
When face lies hid meath coffin-lid
And bitter tears are falling,
We fain would give half the lives we live
To undooHr idle scOrning;
Then let Us not miss the smile and kiss
When we part in the light of morning.
Lillian Plunkett, in Francisco Call.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09

His friend had Just surrendered his
seat to a lady in a downtown street ear,
when Mr.. PoFtly, who weighs nearly tsO
hundred pounds, observed, All, my
boy, I can be just twice as polite as you
when want to - How's that p asked
his friend. Well, you SET, 1 can give
my seat to two ladies'"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Pennsylvania COLLEGE
FOR WOMEN.

situate in q beautiful park, on q commanding
plateau. in the suburbs OF Pittsburg away from
city noise and dust. UNSURPASSED for beauty and
althfuiness Excellent facilities for study Of
natural Sciences. Classics and Mathematics
short every deuartneut vel equipped season
opens Sent g. f9f. Early application Is desirable
Forcafal logues and further Information, apply 20
Helen z Pelleiresu, President Pitsburh., East
tEnd), Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09

There ta young lady in West Mexico
who swaBws pins for a pasiime. Has
anybodyyer got stuck on her :?
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Washington and
Jefferson College,
Washington. Pa.

The 9isf year begins September 18th. Classical.
latin Erienfffc and Scientific course OF study.
Preparaiory Department conducted BY the Col
lege Faculty, Expenses low Morals o. the place
good No saloons, For catalogue apply 10
suelast PEEmEST NoFFAI.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1891-09-09
Somerset Herald.
esrAsLisHEo ssz7.

srns of Publication
s;.ssd srery Wednesday morning At q o
.nun II paid in advance otherwise q s.
Lvsriably be charged
...bsunpaon VIII be discontinued until Al
l. sre paid Up. PostnAs.ez neslscrns
!, rs When subscubeud not take ont thelI
/ IN be held responsible for the subscdp-
.rfben removing fron one pOsso1oe % an
.hould give us the name o. the forzsr -
|. he present. once address
TIE SoKKzsEE HKRALD,
SoEKzzH. PA.