The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1891-02-20
HUMOROUS AGENTS.
How They Toy. With Brother
Stern.
His Life Made Burden With Oft Inouiries
Concerning the Excursion Steamer
Empress CT India.

Where is the Canadian Pacific Railway
Company's steamer Empress of India?
That is the absorbing conundrum in rail-
way circles just at present, and the only
man in town who is equal to the task of
answering is Nj. Nj. Stern, the agent of the
Canadian Pacific, who is located on Market
street.
He has telephone in his office. which.
when 1t rings. means ducats for Mr.. Stern
and his company AT least that mas been
The antecedent history of the instrument,
for when the subtle fluid produced a Jingle
there was nickle-in-the-slot merriment in
the handsome face OF Mr.. Stern.
All that he had to do was TO say: "Hellol
Yes. Well give you cheaper aud better
transportation over the most picturesque
country on earth. Just come around and
SEE
Rats was the abrupt termination of
one of his latest professional sentences. he
did not know just where it came from. but
it was the voice of an incendiary as far as
he knew. The inquirer was Mike WEIGH
of the Texas Pacific, and after traits" he
said:
us that you, Stern?"
WHERE Is SHE NOW?
Eyes, sir. Who are you?" the reply came.
Pm Mr.. Blank. merchant at No. -.
California street. l nave relatives on board
the Empress of India. Where is she now pr
"Ah, yes; she sailed from Liverpool on
the Sth, and is nOw-well-as near as can
tell, she is within range of the guns of Glib
raltar. making awful fast time"
How are the passengers?"
AN we'll thanks. Only three of them
are sick. and they failed to comply with the
in ,f no in'c
''HOw are my reatives?"
ION, they are all right"
What are their nanesY
''GDod-by," and communication was shut
off.
1t was then that j. R. McCarty of the
Wabash line came up with a jingle
Hello, Stern"
Hello; who is it?"
Governor Markham"
We'll, Governor; pleased to talk to YOU.
What can do for you?"
Where is your excursion steamer. the
Empress of India?"
FLOWING THE MEDITERRANEAN
''She is now blowing through the Medi-
terrauean Sea, throwing up great walls of
water. The recent rains have caused all
the passengers to be jubilant. Have you
friends on board?"
Yes. Il whole raft of them"
Don't be alarmed. They are all well,
especially the ladies. They are now enioy
Ing cOtillon TO the v0luptuous music of
the band. While the lazy sun is sinking be-
low the horizon aud garnishing the nlacid
waters of the historic sea with shafts of
gold. Don't you wish you were there
Gov ?"
'Ah, methinks it is like riding on an
angels wing"
Just 50; good-by."
Hello, Stern"
Hello, Who are yon?'
- MaVOT S1hnprS091 - ba l,
1t was Phil Cravat of the Northwestern.
Where is the Empress of India ?"
Where Is she now?"
yes"
Nearing Port Said''
i'll she visit the pyramids ?"
-" After she gets into the SueZ Canal there
IS not telling what she may do, but the water
IS little shallow, L understand, about old
Cheops."
"oH, COME OFF,"
How many passengers has she on
-Four hundred"
Good heavenS-of New York;"
Come off, was heard and the switch was
changed.
Mr. Speares of the Santa Fe was the next
to ring him up.
- How wide is YOUR boat the Empress
amidshp?" he asked.
Hundred feet or something like that"
hour?"
About twenty; taking it easy, you know. !"
What Will be her route from the last
port?" ''''
she will strike Alden. of course. and then
climb around the world so fast that il will
make your head swim"
These are samples selected from about
three hundred that were received by Mr..
Stern from his jocund brethren He was
attacked late in the afternoon with cerebro-
spinal meningitis, but Phil Gordon has
taken his place and is able to answer any
number OF questions.