Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-05-29
THE COTTON BLOSSOMS.
Brother Gardner Has Already Got His
Coat on
RI Mnrli

The Fourth annual meeJlng ol INC
Thompson Street Cotton Blossom Club
was convened at Watermelon Hall, in
that thoroughfare, at 7:30 o'clock last
evening, and not one single charter
member was missing when the triangle
sounded.
Communications this head
the Secretary announced communlca-
ton from the office of the Secretary OF
State of Indiana asking if the Club IA
vored the idea of sending all the colored
people in the United States TO Liberia.
NO, sab! it doan' favor muffin of the
kindr replied Brother Gardner, as he
peeled off his coat to prepare for nara
work. "Our poSiShun on dat queshun
was plainly stated in de conStituShun
adopted two weeks since. We is heah
to stay. We didn't get heah quite as
quick as de white man, but we wasn't
long behind him. IT he wants to go to
Liberia we'll buy his garden truck, an
stoves, an ca'petS, an ice-boXes, an go
down to de depot te see him off, but dis
kentry is good huff for us. De water
mellyon seen might last two months
longer, an de icicle season shorten up
about eight weeks, but we isn't gwine
to kick about dat"
A second communication, signed by
the Secretary of the Universal Woman'S
Rights Association Of America. inquired
if females were eligible to membership.
Not an ehgible" replied the Presi-
dent. when de Lawd dun created
woman an p'inted out de path she was
to follow he didn't make no mistake. SO
long as she folders dat path she is de
biggest hollyhock in de garden, but de
mint she climbs ober de fence on our
side den we begin to size up her feet,
see de freckleS on her nose, an keep on
our hats in de elevator"
The following applications were re-
ceived and referred TO the proper COM
mittee: Rainbow Smith, Uncle Lucas
Johnson, Elder Watson, Jonas Huckle-
berry MunSon, ,GOnedown Taylor, Uni
verSal Green, State Line White, COL
Kyann Scott, Cottonball Banter and
Lord Buckingham Skinner, all residents
of New York and vicinity.
At this juncture word was sent into
the hall that Prof. Cantelope Totem
ham, of Pittsburg, had arrived at the
door and was very DESTROYS of delivering
his celebrated address, entitled: "De
Why of de Wharfore: or, Whar Be We
an Why Ar We Heah?"
II know dat puSSOn," replied Brother
Gardner as he received the card, IAN
we hasn't got no time to fule away on
him. | has heard his address. It's all
about Noah's Ark, string-beanS, George
Washington, SaSSafras, Dan1 in de
lions den, 'tater-bugs, de Red Sea an
root tonic to cure de ager at % cents Il
bottle. De PurfeSSor is very airnest,
enthusiastic puSSon, but if Encouraged
too much he will git two weeks free
board out of some of you, besides bor-
rying ebery white shirt an yallar vest
on Thompson street. JiSt tell him to
call in on us when he Gums back from
Japan"
Rear-Admiral 'BriScoe arose to ask for
information. Would the Cotton Bios
som Club affiliate with other clubs and
societies if requested, and would it grant
charters to branch lodges in other
towns and cities?
at will" replied the President. "As
stated in our cOnSttuShun an bylaws,
dis Club will affiliate wild CongriSs, de
Staff Assembly, de Concord Skule OF
Philosophy or any odder body which has
de moral, physical an intellectual adj
vancement of the masses at heart. As
to branch clubs, we shall be happy to
Issue charters authorizing their estab-
liShment, an hey heah in my hand a
blank form of applicaShun which will
be sent out when requested"
The form of the application is as fol-
lows:
The undersigned citizens of --, to the
number of , desire to establish a
branch of the Cotton Blossom Club in this
town. We have raised the sum of 81 to buy
a stove, thermometer. two lamps and a
water pail Our politics are mixed and our
religion includes the very best We agree
to do our best to advance the happiness of
our fellow-men, and shall seek to establish
the fact in this community that the man
who plants the seed of Il watermelon owns
the fruit when il natures. We owe no pew
rent, vote as often as we can and will make
monthly reports of our doipgs at headquar-
/ terS.
Right heah," said Brother Gardner.
Il want to drap in Il word of warnin'
| We must hev order in our purceedins.
We must hev il even at de sacrifice of
| life. Should ten or fO'teen Of you git
up at de same time an swing yer arms
an call 'QueShun' 'QueShun" an should
YOU fail TO SOt down at de rap of de
gavel on dis gum-wood block, should
hev a doOty TO perform. | should step
down among yOu an pitch Judge
Cadaver into de wood boX-frow Elder
Hooper Seeker frew de alley winder-
make Deacon Wayback White fink de
City Hall had tumbled down, an in
varuS odder ways seek to percolate de
informashun dat dis Club had head on
its shoulders. We use CuShing's Manual
heah an dat'S right in de front page Of
de boOk."o
The following additional notices were
ordered TO be printed on cloth and hung
up on the walls of Watermelon Hall:
"NloaS' any sort of man kin allus gis
trusted fur what he doan' want"
Nobody nebber had well cave in on
him when he was at work in de con
field"
Respect puSson fur his character,
not for his gray hairs"
Oar am much to praise in de rose or
lily, but yaller dog will tree coon jiSt
as quick as a black one"
'De puSSon who am nebber tempted
deserves no credit fur bein' honest"
while honesty am de bes' policy,