davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
ShreWdly Done.

Some time ago I was trading in village
store, when one of the clerks came TO the
junior partner, who CHANGED to be waiting
on me, and said:
Wont you please step 10 the desk mo-
ment, Pat Flynn wants TO settle his bill, and
insists on having a receipt"
The merchant was evidently annoyed
"Why, what does he want of receipt ?"
he said, 1--WE never give one. Simply cross
his account off the book; that is receipt
enough"
$50 I told him." answered the clerk, "but
he is not satisfied. You had better see him"
So the proprietor stepped to the desk, and
after greeting Pat with good morning."
said
"You wished to settle your bill, did you ?"
Pat replied in the affirmative.
"Well," said the merchant, "there is no need
ofmy giving you q receipt. See! will cross
your account off the book" and suiting the
action to the word he drew his pencil across
the account. THAT is as good as receipt"
sand do ye name that that settles it ?" ex-
claimed Pat.
"That settles it," said the merchant
"And ye're shure yell never be afther ask
in me fur it AGAIN."
"Well never ask you for it again." said
the merchant decidedly.
"Faith, thin," said Pat, "and I'll he afther
kapin' me money in me pocket, for haven't
paid it yet"
The merchants face flushed angrily as he
retorted:
ooh, well, can rub that out p
Faith, now, and thought the same, "said
Pat.
1t is needless to add that Pat obtained his
receipt.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
VARIETIES.

If you want 10 flatter man, tell him he
can't be fiattered.
-Goldbags docking at the tenements)-
Alas! 1t must be very hard to be poor"
Wentman-"On the contrary, it is confound-
eddy easy to be poor"
-Waiter-"You didn't remember me, sir"
Diner with keen glance)-"And / don't
now, Can't recall that ever saw you be-
FORE"
MIR. Selphmayd-"Let us have some
truffies with our steak. Mr. Bawnso-"No II
don't like truffies." Mr.. Selphmayd-"You
don't? Why, man alive, they cost $780,"
-"Then what reason have you for marry
ing?" II have no reason at all. I'm in
love-"
why, it is only one o'clock9 Thought
it was two" said Mrs. Bronson, as the clock
struck one. NAV num-" said Bridget.
tits niver later than wan at this time NV
day"
DO not worry because the time comes on
when we must take our departure into the
next world. 1t is only better room, with
finer pictures, brighter society and sweeter
music.
Mrs. Pettish-"I'm afraid you won't do.
AS nearly as can find out you have worked
in six or eight places during the last year."
Miss Mary Mahoney-"Huh And how
many gur-r-ls has yursilf had in the same
tonne? No liss, I'm thinkin."
Frank Clark-"There goes Kitty, Win
slow. She is one of the prettiest girls In New
York" Milly Taite-"IndeedI You would
hardly think it to look at her. would you2"
You are from the country, are you not,
sir ?" said dandy young bookseller to
homely dressed Quaker who had given him
the rearing of calves" "That," said Amipa.
dab, as he turned to leave the shop, "thee
had better present 10 thy mother"
-"What did the lawyer say to you, Bird
get ?" He axed me did know there was
brass enough in me face to make good-siz-
ed kettle, and told him, shure, thin, there
was sauce enough in his tongue to fill it, the
ould haythen."
Why is newspaper like wife 2 Be-
cause every man ought to have one of his
own.
"A prominent New York merchant took
into his office young man, the son of friend.
The young man is not very bright, and the
clerks have discovered the fact. The young
man came to the merchant and complained Of
the head clerk. what has he been dong?"
asked the merchant. "He tells everybody I
have no sense" "Pll see that hereafter he
keeps quiet about it. He ought not to give
away office secrets"
-Metamorphosis-An eminent surgeon
says that with four cuts and few stitches he
can alter mans face so his own mother
would not know him. Any newspaper can
do that with only one cut.
They were talking about trees. my
favorite," she said, "is the oak. 1t is so noble,
30 magnificent in its strength. But what is
your favorite?" "Yew," he replied.
Corrupt literature is doing more to-day
for the disruption of domestic life than any
other cause. Elopements, marital intrigues,
Sly correspondence, fictitious names given at
postof1ce windows, clandestine meetings In
parks and at ferry gates and in hotel parlors
are among the results. When woman,
young or old, gets her head thoroughly stuff
ed with the modern novel she is in appalling
Deril.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
--%--e-
Art Before ALI.

A struggling sculptor, reduced almost to
starvation, had finished what to him repre-
sented the aim of his existence 1t was
plaster cast of a very beautiful woman, and
the poor fellow hoped it would mark the
turning point in his existence. The weather
was bitterly cold, and the sculptor, shivering
in his Partisan garnet, became alarmed for
the safety of his work, for it is well known
that frost is deadly enemy to plaster. Ten
derby and lovingly he draped the figure in the
worn coat be took from his own ill-clad
shoulders, and laying down beside it, fell
asleep. The morning broke, and the frosty
sun shone upon two figures, both inanimate.
The artist had sacrificed himself to his art,
for he was frozen dead. His brethren, stir
red by the untoward fate, raised sufficient
money to have the figure cast in bronze. with
an inscription let into the base of the pedes-
tai, describing how he gave his life-all be
had to give-for his beloved art
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
Persistent PrecOcity.

The four year old child, in the innocent
perversitY of child nature, had developed the
habit ofsaying 81 won't, )" on divers and SUM-
dry occasions, when it was neither polite
nor pretty thing to say. After admonitions
that were of no avail, finally his mother said:
"My dear, if ever hear you say I won't
again, will punish you."
The youngster looked at his mother with
curious twinkle in his eye, and then said
slowly and with emphasis: -
"Mamma, won't-say it sgain."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
pneti1a1.
Home, Sweet Home.

Home, sweet Home.
No sweeter song is ever heard
Than the happy mother sings;
Her lullaby is loves own word,
And from her heart our home Joy springs
1t matters not how simple she,
How quaint the strain she murmurS FER,
1t steals like angel melody
From some unseen but sunny shore.
Turn back to childhood's golden bliss.
How wOndrous were its summers, long,
How pure its rapture, fond its kiss,
How ravfshing its bluebird song!
The great world grew in pictures fair,
Its seasons framed them strangely wise,
AS light as dew fell snowflake care,
While pleasure beamed like morning skies.
Let man or maid with vision keen
Review the blessings of to-day,
And loi in long array they're seen.
A field of flowers from Gods own May,
And song-birds gather there to sing
In palm and vine, the while the sun
Does thousand treasures to us bring,
And yet life's story's but begun!
Let no man say, but death abides,
And all our jewels dream-like fade"
Behind the shadow sunshine hides.
And Love will reap what Wisdom made;
Our Earth and Hope reach over Time
To that sweet Home where ours shall be
A song that Heaven makes sublime,
Its music-all Eternity!
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
o---
Your Own Ideas,

Thought engenders thought. Place one
idea upon paper-another will follow it, and
You cannot fathom your mind. There is
well of thought there which has no bottom.
The more you draw from it the more clear
and plentiful it will be. Ii you neglect to
think yourself, and use other peoples
thoughts, giving them utterance only, you
will never know of what you are capable.
At first your ideas may come in Jumps
homely and shapeless; but no matter--time
and perseverance will arrange and refine
them. Learn to think, and you will learn to
write; the more you think the better you will
EXPRESS YOUR ideas
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
Poor Joan Done For.

And now they say that instead of being a
heroine, Joan of Arc belonged to that pecu-
culiar class known at the present time as
cranks that the voice she heard in the woods
of Domremy were the halucinations of dis
ordered intellect. Her visits to Governor
Boudricourt SO annoyed him that he passed
her on to the court of the dauphin for the mere
purpose of getting rid of her, where in turn
the dauphin dressed her up in armour for the
amusement of the court Then icono-
clasts even go so far as TO assert that the con-
secrated sword which was found, per Joan's
direction, buried in the Church of ST. Catha-
rine, at Flerbois. and which was presented to
her by the dauphin, had been planted there
by hands of ordinary flesh and blood They
further assert that she did not lead the army
to the relief of Orleans, but merely went
along like wander. They scott at the
story that the soldiers who tied this abused
lady to stake in the market place at Rouen
were struck dead.
So the indications are that the great French
heroine will have to get down off of her ped
estal and follow William Tell, Quintius Cur
titus, ct al. Medieval history is rapidly losing
its brightest stars through the irreverent in
vestigations of the modern quidnunc. 1t
now looks like it was a mere matter of time
until American history is attacked in the
same way, and these individuals will be pre-
pared to prove that Patrick Henry never
made speech, that no cherries grew on the
Washington homestead, and that the John
Smith-P ocahontas story was due to the fer
tile Imagination of some special correspon-
dent
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
Love Not Eloquent.

A lady thus writes: Young ladies, you
are unwise in expecting eloquence from low
er. A man who really loves you will never
he eloquent before he is assured of your feel
ing toward him. not always-I should say
on the contrary-rarely-the When your
beauty, your grace, accomplishments, good
qualities, ETC., have wrought on a man to
such degree that he feels the world can
give him nothing comparable to your love-
when the very sight Of you at distance
makes his heart flutter-when he feels jesl-
GUS of every man under the age of sixty who
approaches you, and is tempted to strangle
every good-looking eoxcomb who pays
you a ompliment-when, half distract
ed by the alterations OF hope and de-
spair, he ventures at last to learn his
fate from your lips-do not expect eloquence
at such time. If you do, you expect him
to behave as q man in love never would or
could behave.
Nothing is easier than filtration with wo-
man whom you do not love. OF course, you
like her little, or you would not take the
trouble to flirt with her. But when you be-
gin to love woman, you are no longer ca
pable of Irritation. When your admirer is
awkward and timid, and silent and hardly
dares to look at you when his hand trembles
at the chance contact with yours, and he
hardly dares to hold it lest he should offend
you when at last, after a sore struggle, there
comes the faltering avowal from the over
charged heart in these few but expressive
words, II love you p'-then, if / were wo-
man, | should feel we'll pleased to dispense
with the eloquence of words.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
$4,000 BUYERS.

supplied their wants during the
past year in our Great Store
This vast host of patrons is an
evidence of our ability to please
your views at the prices you
wish to pay, but we can just as
easily clothe 100000 members
of male mankind as half that
number, and shall leave no stone
unturned to retain our old
friends and constantly add new
ones; when you buy from us
you need have no concern about
quality or prices, both are al
ways right-our guarantee and
well earned reputation for reli-
ability assure that.
oEHM's ACME HALL.
SPRING SUITS J
and Overcoats bright and beau
tiful, fresh from the work room,
for all sizes and all shapes,
Gems at So, $40, $l2 and SIS.
oEHM's ACME HALL.
BOYS CLOTHING,
Underwear and Headwear in
richest abundance ; charming de-
signs in kits and Vestee Suits,
braided and embroidered at So,
SIS and $3.50. A superb collec-
ton of stylish Youths attire at
So, $40 and $12 per suit.
oEHM's ACME HALL.
HATS THAT IMPROVE
the wearer's looks; in latest
mode, shapes and colors. If
you care to save from so cents
to $1.5O on your own or your
Boys Head Dress, you must
come to us.
oEHM's ACME HALL.
COLLARS AND TIES
that don't worry the wearer, are
our forte. Our patrons invaria-
bly, profit from 10 to rs per
cent. by purchasing their Fur
from us.
a. Samples and Self-Measure-
ments sent on application.
Oehm's Acme Hall,
Trttthftlly Baltin.ore's Largest
rl0thiprc TnrniQhprc and Hattprq
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
Tle EgS and IltGligGlcGr.
Is Published Every Friday by
FREDERICK w. BAKER.
Terms---$l.5o A YEAR, in Advance.

Transient observation-disclosures Suuare 8
insertions or less, $3.50. Each subsequent insertion
25 cents. Longer advertisements in the same pro-
portion. space equal to six lines makes square
Figure-work double price.
=, Obituaries and Personal Communications will
be inserted at 10 cents per line.
~ Yearly Advertisements at Special Rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
FCZ MA CURED!

DIR. G. W. Benson, specialist in Skin Diseases
and Diseases of the Nervous System. Verne
Electric Baths and Electricity used in any form,
IL desired. Superiuous hairs and blemishes re-
moved permanently, at DR.. Benson's Dermato-
logical and Neurotic Institute, which was estab-
lished solely for the treatment and cure of these
special diseases, SCI N. Howard St., opposite
Academy of Music Baltimore. lOmyly
" G, FOSSETT d. SON, Gentlemens Fur
Il nishers, al e. Baltimore St., few doors
west of Gay St.. Baltimore, carry large and
varied stock of Gloves, Handkerchiefs, Collars,
Cuffs, Ties. Scarf Pins. Cuff Buttons. &c. In
fact every requisite for genteman's WARDROBE
Shirts to order a speciality. All sizes and grade
of shirts always on hand. Call on us. 2Imhly
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
BUILDERS HARDwARE.-F. H. 1

BUILDERS HARDWARE.-F. H. DAv-
ID IDSON & CO.. 500 Franklin Street, Balti
Store aud Prison Locks, Wollensak's Patent
Transom Lifters. Bell Hangers and Locksmiths'
Supplies, Weather Strips. Builders Hardware q
specially. Everything needed by the builder in
the Hardwam line can be found at our estab-
lishment. All the latest improved and patented
Hardware novelties in stock. Housekeepers can
secure all the necessary Hardware here at the
very lowest prices. Builders are respectfully
invited to give US a call and inspect our stock
Second to none in Baltimore. 27sep
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15

\ A. LURMAN.

We
Wholesale and Retail Wine and Liquor Dealer,
new No. 1851 Hillen street, corner Forrest. Balti-
more, Md. California Wines and Brandies. We
respectfully solicit the patronage of the citizens
of Hartford county. Our stock will always be
found complete and consists of the best and
most popular brands. Goods packed and de-
livered at any railroad station and wharf free of
charge. Give us a trial and we guarantee to
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
l31tsinrss lirectnru.

ID n. ROMER,
DE- PHOTOGRAPHIC ART STUDIO
Main street. adjoining NJ. P. Church. All het
Attest styles of Photographs, from 70 cents to SO
per dozen. Life-size Portraits in Oil and Crayon
speciality. Copying. Viewing. l7jan1y
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15
HOUSE FURNISHING GOODS j. W

HOUSE FURNISHING GOODS j. Will
Store l26 and 1873 N. Howard Street. Baltimore,
Md. The largest and best variety of House
Furnishing Goods, Kitchen Utensils. Family
Hardware, Crockery and Chinaware, Glass, CUT
lery, Wooden. Tin and Japanned Wares In the
City. together with most complete line of Fancy
Goods tor Wedding and Anniversary Presents,
etc.. at Low Prices. Please call on us. Catalogues
furnished on application. Mr.. Amos 81. Green
held, formerly of Bel Air, is engaged with this
House and would be pleased to see his friends
here 6sepy
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-15

HosH hoAToN d Co., estaOlisneo i'SS
2u7 and 200 McElderry's Wharf. Baltimore, Md
manufacturers and dealers in Glass. Oils, Paints
and Naval Stores, and Ready Mixed Paints of all
kinds, 7Je1y
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-17
THE MEDICAL MATTER

In the Seattle P.-l. Of April 4th, APP
peared letter written 10y DR.. G. p.
Thomas, of this place. i'm behalf of the
Whatcom County Medical Society,
which is branch Of the State Medi-
cal Society, and composed Of about
thirty regular physicians, to the Lewis
County Medical Society, regarding the
appointment by Governor Laughton
of a regular physician on the state
medical examining board in the place
Of one j. ID. Minkler, physio-medi
cal practitioner. As the letter was
strictly private il was for a time a
mystery how IT, came to the public
through the columns of the P.-I.
The mystery is at last solved, as will
be seen by letter printed elsewhere
In these columns, aud if ohe-half OF
the contents of the letter is true it is
the opinion Of the HERALD that i'm
mediate action should be taken by the
governor to remove this man Mink
Ter. When we consider that we have
more than one thousand regular prac-
titiOners Of medicine in this state and
only about one hundred irreguars.
which includes homeopathic, eclectic
and physo-medical and that the state
examining board consists Of five irregu-
lar and only four regular physicians
1t is not strange that the regular ply
stefan should demand proper recogni-
ton by the state officials. There is
not another state in the union which
has on its examining board a majority
of irregular physicians. The P.-I
makes a point of calling the regular
school Of medicine "self-styled regu-
lar" and assumes 10 correct it by
calling it the alopathic, when it is
fact, that such a school does not exist
in the world. The attack on Cover
nor Laughton is equally unwarranted.
The incentive that moves the P.-I. to
take the position it does, is the same
that moves it in all matters, simply
self-interest.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-17

The Jay legislature of Minnesota
will close every theatre in the state
with its McIIale bill against the dress
Of actresses. Such legislators know
ing nothing of art and its delights
would hinder others from the enjoy
ment thereof and the chances are that
it will pass bill yet ordering the cloth
ing of marble statues, the nudity of
which shall shock their nasty modesty.
If the world has to wait until the re-
action from such boorishness, vulgari-
ty and sodden ignorance, the present
generation will wish that it might
have been born little later on. That
such pitiful fools are chosen by a
state to make its laws is a glaring re-
ilection upon its majorities.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-17
THE FLAG

The law permits the directors in
every school district in this state to
provide suitable flag to float from
public schools on school days. during
the year, and this is a just, wholesome
and patriotic law. Our boys and girls
do not see any too much of the stars
and stripes, and the public school
building has just as good a right to
ny the American colOrs as our mill
tary academies, forts and barracks
have.
In San Francisco some of the pawn
broking establishments hung out the
American flag with their signs on the
bottom. The people of that city are
very indignant that the flag should be
used for such purpose; and in
Tacoma an Italian on Jefferson ave-
nue., has hung out the stars and
stripes with his name and his occupa-
ton on it, whcreat the people there are
very indignant. and he has been re-
quested TO take the flag down or re-
move his name.
There is no other government In the
civilized world which would tolerate
the use of its flag as the American
people do; it would seem, at this age
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-17
PRESIDENT HARRISON

The president of the United States
and some Of his friends are now on
the way to the Pacific coast, passing
through the South, around by the
Gulf of Mexico, stopping in San
Francisco for few days and will ar
rive in Tacoma on Wednesday, May 6,
where he will spend the forenoon, and
on the same day will spend the after
noon in Seattle.
Tacoma and Seattle are at present
making great preparations for his re-
ception, and it is but fitting that he
should be received with all the honors
and distinguished consideration due
his high office. The president of the
United States represents 66,000,00O Of
people, and it is very seldom that a
president visits the Pacific coast.
During Mr.. Hayes administration
he visited Tacoma and Seattle and
other Sound points, accompanied by
| General Sherman, and met with a cor
dial greeting and welcome.
We are led to believe that it would
be wise for every man occupying the
position Of president to make tour of
the United States early in his admins
tration, whether he be Democrat or
Republican.
The Pacific coast has always been
neglected, and simply because many of
the men elected to this exalted posi-
ton have not often been out of their
own states and know little Of the
wants Of the great empire of the
West. No presidential cabinet is
complete without at least one or two
representatives from the Pacific coast.
We have just as good material, just as
bright and just as capable men as the
East has, and it is but fit and proper
that the Pacific coast should be as
thoroughly represented among the
presidents councillors as in other
branches Of the government.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-17

of the world and in this country, that
foreigners who insist on doing this
thing should be taught better, If they
do not know how to respect our ma
tional emblem.
1t would be well to have a national
law prohibiting the use of the Ameri-
can flag for advertising purposes
Otherwise the thing will go on til
some one gets his neck cracked fol
such an offense as using the flag in
such an improper manner. In every
instance where our flag has been useC
in such manner it has been done b,
foreigners and not by American borr
citizens.
a word to the wise is generally suf
ticient and it is to be hoped that W,
shall hear Of this matter being speed
! ly adjusted.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-17
The Department Encampment


Puyallup Herald: Arrangements are
almost completed for the coming G. A. r.
reunion to be held in Puyallup the 22d,
23d and oath of this month. A big crowd
may be expected, as an interesting pro-
gramme has been arranged by the com
mittee.
There will be a national guard prize
drill, In which every militia company in
the state is invited to take part The
prize will be a handsome American flag
which Will always be a creditable memen-
to of the occa ion Tn flag will be givoI
by l.. G. Ladd roSt OF this city.
There will be Il magnificent parade o.
all Old soldiers, Sons of Veterans, Ma.
tional guards, Women's Relief corps, city
officials and others.
The military band from Port Townsend
will be here. Also dutatchment of ar
tilcry from the fort.
There will be nightly plays at bOtl
opera houses. JOhnSOn'S new opera house
with a seating capacity of | 900 people
with electric lights aud all modern i'm
provements, will be at the disposal of the
old soldiers during the three days.
There will be big camp fire by the
posts in which there will be speaking by
GOV. Laughton. General Sprague, Capt
Fife, and department commanders from
all parts of the state.
There will be a grand ball the closing
evening.
The gates Of the city will be thrown
open and every building within gorgeous
ly decorated with bunting and flags.
Special trains will be run between Pu-
gallup and Tacoma and Seattle.
The estimated number of visitors to the
city will be over 1000.
Ample accommodations have been ma lie
for all
Strangers are welcome and will be well
provided for.