The Critic and record., 1891-04-17
A CRITIC REPORTER MAKES A TRIP
WITH A MAIL CARRIER

an early morning dream, the reporter
was at the postofiice,
WATCHING 130 MEN
in an ill-lighted, badly ventilated room,
asserting mail that came from all por-
tions of the known world. There we're
letters from bush-bordered, rabbit-infested
Australia Letters written in the smok
ing blaze of 9. joss torch by some poor
devil of a cOolie in the labor districts out
lying Anglolndian Calcutta. Missives
penned in the winter city" Florence
epistles indited from home lands to
brethren, sisters, wives, sweethearts in
America by yellow-haired Swedes,
phlegmatic English knit-browed, dark
faced Italians, almond.eyed Chinese,
French-mannered Japenese, and tea
drinking Russians, sending words of love
and pain, business and pleasure, truth
and untruth to the City of Magnificent
Distances. When
CARRIER NO. %,
Mercer S. Alexander, had assorted and
packed his mail, he boarded a cable car
with the reporter that carried them to the
carriers territory, which embraced the
absolute monarchy of lie Droit Park, the
sable kingdom of Howardtown and the
republican government of Cowtown.
These three great powers are bounded by
Florida and Grant avenues, Seventh street
and Moore's Lane, recently christened lie
Droit avenue. The man in gray made
HIS FIRST DELIVERY
at 7:2S O'Clock at coquettish, rustic
dwelling on Maple avenue numbered oil.
The last letter was handed to lady in
the doorway of house 2061, on Seventh
street, OF 1910 o'clock Two hours and
forty-two minutes were consumed in de-
livenes. During this time the carrier de.
liVeIed
2IS PIECES OF MAIL
at 1875 different houses, answered fourteen
questions, received eight letters to be
posted, told iifty.siX people that he had
no mail for them, and made collections
from three letter boxes.
All of this business was transacted in a
courteous manner. Queries which would
have puzzled Postmaster Sherwood were
replied to with a never-iailing politeness
that seemed to console the people who
longed for letter that hadn't come.
The carrier started in lie Droit Park, that
kingdom ranking first as great power.
Residents of that delicious Arcadian vii
| lage are early risers. Long before eight
! O'Clock they gather in the porticos and
| veTandas of their Queen Anne houses and
look eagerly down the lanes guardel by
| antique oaks, garnished with sweet hya-
| cinth, and blend ardent desires for the
| coming of the gray-garbed mercury.
On one doorstep was couple evidently
| in the full
YELLOW RADIANCE or A HONEYMOON.
| She was robed in tea-goWn with hand
| painted Vatican pleat. Beneath dainty
| frills of lace peeped slender foot cased in
| iray kid. a slender ringed hand clasped
| his hand. He wore trousers that did not
bag at the knees and shoes oppressiYely
| new. When carrier No. 9S advanced and
handed the child of matrimony per-
fumed violet-inked, Irish linen square
envelope, she said:
Darling, ! wonder who in the world it
| is from?'
by opening it, my pet mildly sug-
| gested hubby, ''you may find out"
| She acted on the suggestion, and the last
The CRITIC reporter saw as he disappeared
III shady grove was two heads close to
each other reading together the precious
missive. Two years from now they will
peruse their letters at distance Of ten
yards from each other.
The carrier had q big lot of letters for
the Hon. Benjamin Butterworth, who is
one Of the
DISTINGUISHED RESIDENTS
of the lie Droit kingdom. A great mastifl
dog ran down the steps and welcomed
him. Out in the garden, in esouth side
of the dwelling, two short-horned AL
derneys chewed their cuds and gazed with
Sltul JNllO eyes W lllt ICpOIltI. ~ lTlll
young serving woman answered the bell
and passed the days weather with the
carrier.
a PATHETIC INCIDENT
occurred at one place. Pacing W
and down the lawn paterfamiliaS
smoked an aiter-breakfast Key West
Playing on the fresh grass near papa wa
sunny-haired, white-dressed tot of
years, who rushed to the carrier in child
| spl, lan l,s. 10 ,la1 Ia
baby letter witha deep-edged border OF
black.
"oh, papa, said the child, "see what Q
funny color ON letter has,
The mans face whitened at tht
ominous dark trappings of woe. With {
trembling hand he tore the letter open
A great sob broke from him as he rea(
what was evidently sad news. Graspinl
the child he hurried in the house.
wOman's cries were borne to the ears o
the carrier and reporter bv the soft morn
SBad news" said Maxwell. 'Irs th,
second time in that house during the pas
month"
After a moments pause carrier No. 0s
| in grave tone, announced I'VE will nov
20 to Howardtown."
HowARDTowN
a settlement of 200 houses aud som
500 or 800 souls. The chief industries ar
white-washing and doingnothing. a dee
somnolent atmosphere peryades the place
Gentlemen in various stages of dishabil
idly kick their heels against the fran
work of their respective dwellings. Sine
they tore down the fence barring then
from the druidical lie Droit Park, socia
circles in this slumbering settlement hay
been unusually quiet.
The number of babies in Howardtowl
is something appalling. They spring uI
from roadways and alleyways in anumer
Gus and promiscuous fashion that woult
discredit warTior-produciug field sow
with dragons teeth
The one desire of Howardtown seem
TO be 10 knock the census of 100 silly wit
the population of '0l.
The carrier delivered eight letters i
this suburban resort directed in styl
that would rival the
CIuRoGRAPHY or A CHINESE
wash bill that had been running for
year. Every man, woman and child il
} quired for a letter and seemed to feel
personal grievance when none was forth
coming 1t would save the carrier man
+ minutes if he would write letters to eac
individual member of the 900 and plaC
them in box near the town pump, Tn
resident in Howardtown who receives
letter is regarded with awe and envy b
| his fellows.
Two letters for Cowton and one o
Seventh, then we are through" " remarke
! carrier No. 9S.
COWTOWN,
so called because nobody in that eXclr
siYe region owns any cows, is a stragglin
street OF Seventh street two blocks froI
! Boundary, The people of Cowtown hay
n habit, or fashion or fad OF their owl
+ When they move they take the number
of of the house they move from an
nail ii upon the door of the house the
; move to, thereby causing the mail ma
Cowtown has departed. Police regll,
l tions and the one mile Soldiers Home 81
Ig...s 1.