The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-04-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The pickpocket has his business at his
fingers ends.-Ep0ch.
1t takes two to make a bargain; but
only one of them gets it.-Puct.
A man never fully realizes the wealth
of information he doesn't possess till his
first child begins to ask questions.-E
mira Gazette.
at don't pay to be kind to pets, " said
Johnny. ~ filed the goldfish globe up
with milk one day, and the fish all died"
-Hayper's Bazar.
''Are you acquainted with thisl" asked
Banks, as he displayed an unpaid note to
its maker. "No," replied Kyting, 81
never met it."---Puck.
Boggs-"Hicks seems to a well-in-
formed man." Foggs-"Yes, his wife
is Secretary of the Home Missionary So
ciety. y."-Ne,o York Herald.
A barking dog cannot bite, but the
trouble is that he is likely at any time to
stop barking and take piece out of
your leg.-SOmerUiHe journal.
Tomdik-"Do you know to what
breed the Dog star belongs toa" Nc
Clammy-"No; to what2" Tomdik-
"The Skye. - Chicago Lnter- Ocean.
The young man sadly counts his cash,
And finds, to his great sorrow,
His sleigh rides left him scarce enough
To hire a cab tomorrow.
-Washinqton Star.
Namby-"She is very rich; do you
suppose he had a tender feeling for
her2n Hooks-"Of course, of course,
legal-tender feeling. ."-Ne,O York. Her.
all.
Frightened Female -"Leave the
house, sir2n Unabashed Burglar-"Oh,
wasn't going to take it-only the sill
verware and jewelry, nom. Pleasant
evening, mon. ."-DansgiGe Breeze.
Hard on the Nerves: He discussing
electrocution) think decapitation is
the worst death. l don't think | could
meet it calmly" She-''No; you would
probably lose your head. "-Yale Record.
How oft a vague presentment
OF coming i'll depress us,
When il we'd but look back we'd find
'"is breakfast that distresses usl
Puck.
"Tommy," said an anxious mother to
her boy, "your uncle will be here to
dinner to-day, and you must have your
face washed" "Yes, ma, but s'posen
he don't come. What then2'-I Ieras
SDtings.
Harry-'I see it stated, Miss Dora,
that London ladies' are always in terror Of
being sun-kissed. That terror does not
extend to this country Dora (shyly)
-"Well, it depends on the son. ."-Chi-
cag0 Inter- ocean.
Patrolman-"They've just took a
iloater out of the river with cross
marked on his forehead with knife"
Chief-"Start right out and arrest every
man that isn't able to write his name. -
indianapolis Journal.
ado you frequently pen this sort of
thing3' asked the editor of the poetic
contributor. "Oh, yes; very frequent
ly." "Well, why don't you pen them so
that they cannot get away aud stray
around like this si''-Liqit.
At a Workingmen's Congress: Door
keeper TO stranger)-"Wh are you!
A possibilist, Guesdist, solutiouist,
Marxist, Eupist, BlAnquist or collect
iyisti' Stranger (taken aback) IL
I'm machinist. - Chicago Netcs.
Since every dog will have his day,
Pray Iowser, take thine own;
But be content with that, we pray,
And leave the night alone
-Washiagton Post.
al noticed that a tramp left the house
as / came over the hill, said the farmer.
',lcs," replied his wife, "he left the
house, but he managed to get away with
about everything else in sight. Maybe
he'll come back after the house later on. "
-- Washington Post.
As one by one our idols fell
And we of heroes were bereft.
Our grief, OF course We sought to quell
by thinking there were Others left:
But now the tides Of sorrow swell
Unchecked, and deep's our melancholy,
There never was a William Tell
And Nallombrosa's leahsss wholly.
-Aeto York Press.
Mild Old Gentleman (goaded to mad
ness by next room lodgeD-"Good
gracious What arc you pounding the
furniture in that way fort" Idle Party
"Trying to XIII time" Mild Old Gen
tleman after deep thought)-"Weu, /
suggest that you also try to deelen the
sound III ulogicaa GrOcer