The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1891-05-15
WIT AND !UNOR.

Boston Courier.
A great many politicians are called
dark horses from the shades of their
records.--Pxc%.
He-Genius is mental disease. She
How well and healthy you must be.
Detroit Free Press.
"How doth the little busy bee?"
Well, if you meddle with him much
you will be apt to find out how he doth.
Boston Post.
An actor may not know much about
cravats, but his experience with ties
both railway and matrimonial-is
usually extensive.-Lye.
Next to having new bonnet herself
a woman likes to have chance to
make fun of some other woman's head
gear.-SomerviLte Journal
1t is a waste of time to look back at
ones own mistakes when there is so
much more fun in watching the mis-
takes of other people.-H0tet Mail.
Would it be correct to describe near
ly ever girl you know as being IN
dreadful hurry because there's hustle
behind her?-Journat Of Education.
When man finds that he is getting
to be too loquacious his best remedy
is to get married He will notice an
improvement right away.-SOnaerUttIe
Journal.
You may break, you may shatter the
"'vase'' if you will, but the various ways
of pronouncing it,according to locality,
will cling around it still.-NOTTiStOO
Herald.
Citizen (stopping physician on the
street)-Just moment, Doe; only one
word Phvsician-Well, make it short.
old man; it's watermelon season, you
know.-NeO York Sum.
Bolton-Young Jones is generous
with his cigars. isn't he? Wolton-
Yes (puff); but think he would (puff)
be kinder to his friends if he smoked
them himself.-Lye.
When man learns to mind his own
business and leave the affairs of others
alone he accomplishes success as
great as falls to common mOrtals.-
Wartha's Nneynr1 Herald.
He (makng an evening call)-Shall
/ sing one more song, Miss Clara, be-
fore / goP She-I should be delighted,
Mr.. Sampson-er-if you think you
have time.-NeU IOr@ Sun.
THAT is rather an expensive UNI
brella, Bromley" Yes, Darringer.
1t is the kind other people appropri-
ate" Just what | thought Brom-
ley; whose is it?''-Detro& Free Press
..Poor Goldson! I am afraid the
poor fellow is losing his mind. by
Jove! You don't say so"' why, my
dear boy, it is nearly 3 O'Clock, and L
lust saw him with his l O'Clock suit
onr'-Life.
Mrs. Holyoke (who has not asked
him, and does not want him) )-"Im
sorry YOU can't stay to tea with u.s."
Capt. Whiffet (equal to the occasi0m-
"I'm awfully glad that I'm sorry I've
got to go."-Judge.
Scientists are now inqniring how
long it takes to think. Well, when, Il
man has to think of some way to pay
a months board bill with only s.. Is in
his pocket to DO it with it takes him a
good long whiIe.-PUct.
Miss Ethel (confidentiaIIy)-'
know, Clara, that | had two offers of
marriage last week" Miss Clara with
enthusiasm)-'' | am delighted,
dear! Then the report is really true
that your uncle left you his money. y
Life.
Every gentleman should have the
signature of the Creator on the label
to avoid confusion. There are so
many limitations nowadays that peo-
pie who are not connoisseurs frequent
ly encounter the wrong article.-Laaa-
coin Journal.
De Sappy-I tell you Featherington,
you have the biggest head Feather
ington-Aw, De Sappy, you tlatter me.
doncherknow. De Sappy-Don't in
terrupt, Featherington; you have the
biggest head on your cane I've seen
this season.-LJe.
He 90 p. m., and the lamp turned
low humorously)-"It isn't at all
queer, is it. Edith, that one should find
electric kisses when he goes spark
ing!" She-''Yes, queer. indeed, Mr..
Standoff, when the lady's negative is
positive. ."-Judge.
Customer (to druggisD-Gimme a
big dose of whisky and quinine. I've
got malaria. Druggist sir,
but we're Just out of quinine. Customer
We'll, gimme the whisky without the
quinine then: I've got to do some
thing or I'll die.-Ne10 York San.
"Ah, Clara" said young surgeon
(after hospital hours) as he sank upon
his knees, would that l could gain
possession of your hearth ''You can,
Mr.. Sawbones, "replied Clara promptly,
but blushingly; ''and without giving me
ether either. ."-Neao York Sun.
Nothing else is so calculated to work
on mans sympathies as the sight of a
young mans painful effort at uncon-
cern while he is scratching his brow
with the hand with which he would
have tipped his hat to a young lady if
she hadn't cut him dead.-Jud9e.
..How much of that $4,000 have you
now, George? You only got it two
months ago, you know" ''Well, had
$1,000 an hour ago, but 1 don't know
how much there is left now" ''Why?'
sMy wife has just gone on a shopping
expedition. ."-Nebraska State journal.
Have you kept track of young