The weekly examiner., 1891-01-17

could come upon the IOIOW1Dg evening to the farm could reach her window by means of the grape vine and we could talk the matter over.
 This letter cheered me up wonderfully, and when the clock struck nine upon tho following night, walked gaily to the farm. passed around the rear and perceived, a white figure at the window. A large dog, who was fastened in 6 kennel, under the window. threatened 10 raise en alarm; but a few words from Agnes quieted him. clambered up the vine, and was soon at her side. was so happy, that the grape vine might have been the ladder to paradise. Agnes was forgiving and lovely. and we conversed for half an hour without thought of the lower world. 1z
 was calmly gazing at the farm which would soon be my own, when heard the door open. Upon turning l saw the ob- noxious brother standing in the door way. with very suspicious whip in his ately comprehended his purpose. It was not in human nature to remain quiet i; and when he sprang towards me with an angry howl, answered with a yell, and springing through the window, began slipping down the vine.
 I would no doubt have made masterly retreat, but was but few feet from the top when the brother cut the fasten- ings with his knife, and the vine and dropped upon the roof of the kennel i: the roof not being able to hold showers of fallen humanity, gave way, and I tumbled directly into the jaws of the bulldog. The jaws, with a howl. fas- tened upon my leg, and for moment there was a terrible battle between us. At last the dog unfastened to take a fresh bite; and took advantage for the moment to get away; but my enemy again fastened upon my coat-tails, and as could not drag dog and kennel over the fence, I was unable to move.
 The dog pulled one way, and the other; and for while the issue was very doubtful. but caught glimpse of one of the farm laborers advancing with 8 pitchfork and gave desperate jerk. It was too much for the strongest of cloth; and. leaving the torn portion in the dogs possession, bounded away towards the barnyard fence. But I dis covered in time that I was charging upon the couched pitchfork of the ser want. and turning quickly to the right, took a flying leap over the garden wall Unluckily I attempted to fly without wings; my feet caught in the stones and I turned somersault into the garden.
 Instead 3of falling upon the, grass I
 
 The beehive went over on the ground and I followed but the bees were the fest to pick themselves up. and when I arose upon my feet there was whole colony ready to settle upon me.
 They swarmed in my hair, and crawled under my clothing until I was frantic. The more stamped and beat. and raved. the more they stung me. At last. gave q stamp of tremendous force; my tight | 1a, I, S.,~ A feet protruded at the sides, I stepped in the overturned hive. | might as we'll have stepped in the fire: the little tormentors stung my feet, and I danced like a bear upon hot plotes. and for the same reason. sss.
 WAS still N, idly beating the air, when I percaived all the farm-serrants, whom mS shouts had aroused charging la . body. They shouted ssThief, and think of leaving that neighborhood in a hurry. Bus I was determined upon revenge. Iconldn not be stung any worse than was so I grasped the hive that stood upon the bench, and hurled 1t into the crowd. I had the pleasure of seeing 1t drop upon the brothers head. like a huge hat; and to see the Individual throw it of, and roll upon the ground in anguish. I never derived so much pleasure from ..
 I could hear my pursuers breathing hard near me, and expected every moment to feel the spikes of the pitch- fork behind. when I stumbled, over a stone and fell headlong into the river. The men behind unable to check them selves, followed, and the next moment we were all struggling in thewatersa
 It was not deep. and was the, best ac- cident that could have happened to me, as it rid me of the bees. soon arose and scrambled up the steep bank. where stood to look around. In one place a head appeared above the water in another, 8 pair of feet kicked in the air. without any visible owner. Hats, pitch forks and men were mixed in a confused heap, while all plunged and puffed like Q shoal of porpoise. Although was smarting with pain, the scene was too ludicrous to be gazed upon with sober countenance, and laughed until could roar no longer.
 But when reached my rooms I did not feel so well. knew that I had lost Agnes forever. beside the heavy sum for the gig and the new suit. My face was swelled for many days, and I could not leave the house. To be sure, some of the neighbors had witnessed the battle, and when it was shown how had pun- ished them, l was quite hero among my friends. Praise, however, did not replace the missing money, and Agnes would not speak to me in the street. So I was wretched.
 am now confirmed bachelor, and look with thankful heart upon the chaos of bootjacks and boots in my room without the. least desire to change my condition. look upon all widows as attractive destroyers, and my experience has been such as to confirm my hatred of the sex. Of course, all who think diff ferent are welcome to be fettered; but if I was to choose between hanging and winning a widow, I would select the least of the evils and patronize the exe- cutioner. Agnes is still widow; and her brother is married, and l hear, with grim satisfaction, that he is henpecked.
 Closely Attached to Her.
 On a Philadelphia train that came through here the other day the passen-