davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

Love makes the world 60 round,
but it finds it impossible on occasions
to induce the girls father to come
round.2St. Joseph Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

Two department clerks were look
ing in fur store window filled with
marked-down goods. "That $8 cape
there is just like l am," said one.
"How's that" inquired his compan-
ion. Reduced to S."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

II like you well enough, Chappie, +"
said Ethel, "but you don't know much"
81 know you," returned Chappie, land
that's everything."-New York Eve
ming Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

"Thank fortune !! as the man said
when his money opened to him the
doors of scciety.-Binghamton Lead
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

Why is pretty girl like bank
notei Because they both have face
value.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

"Then what reason have you foi
marrying?" "I've no reason at all
I'm in love. ."-Philadelphia Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

"Land sakes !" gssped Aunt Sa.
manthy, as she gazed upon the various
Venuses in the art museum. 81 have
heard a good deal about 'revisin' the
statutes and l reckon here's some that
needs it mighty bad "-Binghamton
Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

"Is the baby strongf" "Well'
rather. You know what tremend.
Gus voice he has ?"
eyes" Well he lifts that five
times an hour.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

A Scotch gentleman of fortune on
his deathbed, asked the minister wheth-
er, if he left large sum to the kirk,
his salvation would be secured. The
cautious minister responded: "Td
not like to be positive, but it's weel
worth trying."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

"How is your new home coming
on ?"
"First rate. We've got the roof
and the mortgage on. l think we
shall have the furnace and the Sheriff
in before the year is out. ."-Munsey's
Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

"Mr. P. Cunious is a bright, breezy
fellow, is he not ?" said Hobb, and
Dobb replied: 81 should think he
might be, he is always trying to raise
the wind."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
"Ths Niagara Falls Route"
Time Card in Effect.
Time Card in Effect,

Daily. : Daily except Sunday. Parlor car on
day trains and sleeping cars on night trains.
WHITING, Ticket Agent.
ow.R RUGGLEs. @. p. & T. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

Broken hearts are never dangerous
as long as dinner tastes good.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

City missionary (to prisoner)-My
good man, ] am collecting statistics in
regard to the numerous causes which
lead to crime. May Task why you are
here Z"
Prisoner---"Ter be straight wild yer
podner, guess it's cause cant gil
out. See ?"---Jester.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

Practical sentiment. Miss G. Ga
Bucksport seminary girD-"Oh, that
/ had the wings of a dove p
Mr.. M.--."What! That you might
fly to me2"
"N-o-o-o! That l might fix over
my last summers bonnet" Lewis
town Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

Tramp (after receiving buscuit)
-"Where is your wood-pile, lady?"
Lady-"Out in the shed, sir. How
kind of you to offer to split some
wood"
Tramp-"I'm not going to split any
wood. want to find an ax to split
this biscuit. Boston Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18

Here is genuine German "goke, y
translated literally from Fliegende
Blatter:
Photographer--"Your son, the
student, this picture ordered.''
Father-"Him that is like. Has
he for it paid r.
Photographer-"Yet not"
Father-"Still more like him is
that" t."-Binghamton Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-02-18
0. |. PARTRIDGE.
Real Estate Agent

Rooms 4, 5, Dawson Block.
Will take chargeof estates for residents and nom
residents. collect rents pay taxes place insurance
obtain abstracts OF title, etc.
Office hours-10 to 12A. NJ, A to- 6P.M.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
Startling HoneHUY.

A bit of honesty as startling as 1t was
noteworthy came to light In the prosaic
region of the New York barge Office
Tuesday. An Italian who arrived in
this country on Monday and passed the
inquisition clerks in safety came back
again with all his baggage and went to
Colonel Weber's Office. There he ex-
planned that he wanted to right q
wrong. II lied yesterday" he said,
'when l said l had never been in
prison. lay awake all night thinking
about it, and l came down this morn
ing to be sent back. About ten years
ago l got into fight with another
man, and we were arrested and made
to serve two months in Jail"
''Indeed" gasped the astonished
superintendent. "And did you use a
knife in this fightr 'No, sir" was the
answer, 1--WE fought with our hands
and feet" DO you think you can gel
along in America without fightingP
"Oh, yes, l came here to be a good
man, and l would like to stay If
could" WELL" said Colonel Weber
II guess we'll have to let you through
on the grounds of excessive honesty
You may go" New York Times.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
A Lasson In Phranolorv.

Many inventions have been suggested
in dreams, and it should be remem-
bered that the mechanical faculty Ia
situated above the temple, as was first
learned from a supposed skull Of Ra-
phael, and from the head of a milliner
who possessed uncommon taste. Sell
esteem is high on the back of the head.
It is always found large in beggarE
who excuse their poverty on account
of pride. On either side of self esteem
are the bumps of love of appreciation,
which are greatly developed as a rule
in lunatics, who imagine they are kings
and queens.
Benevolence is on top Of the head, @
little in front of the middle; venera
ton is In front of benevolence, and
wonder is still farther forward. This
last Is prominent in psychic researcher
and vision seers Ideality is in tho
middle of the forehead; it is touched
by the hand when one is composing
poetry. Nearly every one composei
remarkably good poetry in his dreams
If only he could remember It after
ward. -Washington Star.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
Cooks and Cooking in India.

I don't believe any old Indian can
ever feel satisfied with dinner which
has been cooked outside of India. l
thought that / knew what good cook
ing was when I was attached to the
northwest, but really Inever ate curry
and rice till l reached the Madras presi-
dency. was stationed there for nearly
a year and a half, and whenever l
could manage it made run to Ma
dras simply to eat curry and rice, and
the only thing that will tempt me back
to India will be to eat that dish.
So good are the Madrassi cooks that
the Prince of Wales took one home
with him to be in his special employ.
The Madrasi did not like the life at
Sandringham and came back. am of
the opinion that Madras is the only
place in the world where unborn ami
mails are cooked and eaten. The most
delicious curry is made from an unborn
lamb, the mother being killed and the
young extracted from the womb before
birth. The natives declare that the
meat is infinitely more tender. have
heard some people express repugnance,
but it is the same with person who
has never eaten frog.
Another mistake is generally made,
and that is that the mango can be
eaten In oil its excellence In every part
Of India. That is not SO. The best
mango have ever tasted was In Con,
In the Bombay presidency, which is a
part of the Portuguese possessions. -
Interview in st. Louis Globe Democrat.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
A Lineman's Tower.

Some Of the movable stagings upon
which linemen work when stringing
conductors for electric railways are
more useful than ornamental, and, as
for convenience in transportation from
one place to another, they are about
equal to a load of old lumber. The
West End Street Railway company, in
Boston, has simple apparatus for this
purpose that is exceedingly convenient.
It is simply strongly built wagon of
gauge to fit the tracks, which serves as
the base of a folding tower, similar in
Its construction and operation to the
elevating fire ladders. A few turns of
the cranks raises the hinged legs to a
vertical position, giving the workmen a
solid platform within easy reach of the
overhead wires. New York Telegram.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
Evidence That Cats Talk.

An Androscoggin county woman will
have it that animals talk to each other.
And this is the anecdote she relates to
prove her theory:
She has two cats, Dot and Dots
youngest, named for his exploring pro-
pensities Christopher Columbus. One
morning a little bird flew in at the
open window, and falling to the floor
lay painting and dying. Christopher
Columbus just then appeared at the
doorway. mo, you don't, Christopher
Columbus" exclaimed his mistress, and
procuring tiny box she put the still
warm body of the feathered mite into
it and made deep grave under the
apple tree. Christopher followed and
looked longingly at the box, then went
away where he was not seen for some
time. Only Christopher witnessed the
burial, yet an hour after, going out to
look at the grave, she found Dot had
dug up the box and Christopher was
just about to devour the dainty mouth
full. Now, If Christopher Columbus
didn't go to Dot and say, Mother
there is little bird buried under that
apple tree; get it for me, please" how
did Dot know there was bird there
Lewiston Journal.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17

Upwards of sixty species of East In
dian plants, mostly of the fern family,
with goodly sprinkling of grasses and
creeping vines, are luminous, and it is
said that the sides of the mountains In
the vicinity of Cyree are nightly illumi-
mated by the pale, white light which
they emit. The root stock of plant
from the Ooraghum jungle, near Lay
XII (supposed to be an orchid), possesses
the peculiar properties of becoming
luminous when wet, while when dry
itisquite lusterless. One jointed plant,
supposed to be member of the rush
or cane family, emits fiery red light
from Its leaves, pale white one from
Its stalk, while its flowers give out ca
PRECIOUS flashes, like that of our eight
ming bugs. st. Louis Republic.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
children employed in Now YOrk.

Children in this town below sixteen
years. Of age earn probably between
100000 and $4,000, 1000 every year.
About $50, 900 children attend the pub
lie schools, and about 10000 more at
tend private schools. There are in the
city nearly 100000 children of the
school age, between five and twenty
one years OF the 140, 900 children not
attending school probably 10000 are
below the age of sixteen. 1t is difficult
to get at the number employed in what
the census takers call "gainful occupa-
TONS" but there are some statistics that
help to an approximate estimate.
The factory inspectors report nearly
5000 children between the ages of four
teen and sixteen employed in factories,
and at the same time the inspectors or
dered dismissed about 1000 children
below the age of fourteen. The law
provides that no illiterate child under
sixteen years of age shall be employed
in any factory, and that no child under
fourteen years of age, illiterate or other
wise, shall be thus employed.
Some one has estimated that 3d. 0C
cash girls below the age of fourteen are
employed in the commercial houses Of
this city, but this is probably an over
estimate, as it would be more than one
third Of the whole number of girls be
tween the ages of seven and fourteen
1t is probable, however, that $4,000 tc
10000 children below the age of sixteer
have daily employment in this city al
wages averaging somewhere between
$3.50 and 50 per week. New York Re
| corder.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17

All kinds of building and repairing
contracted for and executed in a sub
stantial manner by ]. d. Weaver SS-tf.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
A MODEL DRY GOODS CLERK.
A Fussy Old Lady Tried His Soul, but
He Kept on Smiling to the Last,

A Fussy Old Lady Tried His Soul, but
He Kept on Smiling to the Last.
SO much is said about the snappish-
ness and impudence of the clerks in the
big dry goods stores that when one is
found that cannot be made cross by
any combination of circumstances he
ought certainly to have the benefit OF
that fact being heralded abroad, even
If for obvious reasons neither his name
nor the name of the store which is 30
fortunate as to have his services can be
given. The store is, however, In Four
tenth street, and the clerk is the
most accommodating one in the whole
retail dry goods district, so 1t may not
be hard matter for shoppers to iden-
tify him.
1t was on the very hottest day of the
month that this clerk was put to his
severest test. An old lady from the
country had, with an infinite amount
of trouble, succeeded in making some
what extensive purchase of linen for
her table. TO pass over the prelimi-
nary incidents of the showing of about
all the tablecloths and napkins and
traycloths in stock before the purchase
was made, the real trouble began with
the payment.
The old lady emptied out on the
counter the contents of small hand
bag. The contents were dimes and
five cent pieces, and there was a big
heap of them. The purchase came to
Just under twenty dollars. After
counting it over twice, the clerk had to
charter two extra trains on the cash
railway in order to get the money to
the cashiers desk.
The old lady gave minute directions
for the doing up Of her package, and
started for the door. She stopped to
think, and came back again. She said
that the napkins she had picked out
were too coarse after all, and she be-
lieved that she would take finer ones.
The bundle was sent for, and the
change was made. More dimes and
five cent pieces were dumped down be-
fore the smiling clerk.
Once more the old lady started for
the door, and once more she came back.
She thought that she would like to
look at the tablecloths that she had
bought. The clerk laid out her pack,
age before her, but she decided not to
make any change in the tablecloths,
and started away again; but she came
back once more and had the tray.
cloths changed and the clerk had to
fix her bill again. There did not seem
anything more that she could want
changed, and the clerk sent the bundle
up stairs.
In ten minutes the troublesome buyer
was back again. This time she wanted
a package of New York newspapers
sent to be done up with her bundle
The clerk took them with a gracious
remark that 1t would not be the least
trouble In the world to have them put
with her package, and then he gave hi
attention to another customer as if al
this had not been an incident worthy
of notice.
OF course, stories might be told o.
clerks much more accommodating thar
this one, but they possibly might no
have the advantage which this has o
being strictly true. New York Times.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
Every Animal Likes pananas.

The leaves Of the banana are tender,
and the strong winds of the tropics
the hurricanes-soon tear the leaves In
strips, thereby adding to theirgrace and
beauty. The banana is a fruit that
beast and bird, as well as man, are fond
OF, and the owner, when he lives in q
sparsely settled country, must need pro
tect his plantation by fence of some
thorn plant. --Goldthwaite's Geograph-
ical Magazine.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
No Escape.

They were nearing an ice cream pal
ace on their evening stroll, and just as
the young man saw his danger he heard
the friction of the two pennies in his
vest pocket
'Have you heard" he asked in a
voice of settled gloom, ''of the poison
ing of whole family by eating ice
creams"
eyes, F" she said quickly; they used
poison for havoring. That comes of
eating homemade ice cream. detroit
Free Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
Banana Steamers.

There are at present about forty
steamers in the banana trade that are
coming and going all the time. These
steamers are built for no other purpose,
and carry from 10, 900 to 10, 900 punches
each. A banana steamer is shell.
There is but one compartment, and in
this compartment the bananas are stood
OH end in layers from the bottom Of
the ship to the deck. New York Herald.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1891-09-17
GEN. ]. 7. WILDER
The Pioneer in Southern De-
yelOpment,
His Claims for the South Have Been
Demonstrated.
A Tribute to His Merit as One of the
SOuth's Great Managers.
From the Knoxville Republican.


Every once in q while we rec the
name Of some man held up in distinc-
ton as a pioneer in the work OF South
ern development, and his accomplish
ments are heralded as emitting him
to fame among his fellows for having
taken advanced steps in the inc of
progression. This is all right and fit
ting, provided the facts bear out the
statements. But We want to say that
there is Il man living in upper East
Tennessee who is entitled to fuller
credit in this direction than any other
we think OF at this day 1t is Gen. j.
II. Wilder, of Johnson City.
Gen. Wilder came to the South in
the days OF bloody tur MOL and sol
diered calamity all over East Tennes-
see, North Georgia and in North
Carolina. He was dashing officer
and in the many incisive incursions in
to the mountain regions discovered
this to be the richest cou TRY under
the burning sun. When the war was
over he located at Chattanooga and
subsequently, in 1867, went to Rock
wood and built the first coke blast
furnace ever planted on Southern soil
Here it was he demonstrated practi.
cally what he had long claimed, that
pig iron could be made cheaper in the
South than North or East, and by this
pionetr movement laid deep the foun-
dations for the magnificent pros
perty that has followed and to which
is creditahe the many iron working
and other industries that have grown
up and marked such an era OF wonder
fLl progress all about us. 1t would
take book Of space and great time tc
enumerate the successful undertaking.
of this one man. His remarkable
knowledge and grasp OF the resource:
OF our section and his ready, practica
capacity to work order out of chaos anC
produce gratifying results under stub
born difficulties places him easily il
the front rank OF the South's great
managers, and when the roll is mad
up and we go to count off the name
OF those who have done something 70
the betterment of the world, we shall
find that Of General John I. Wilde
standing up among the first.
OF course, there were those among IL
who knew what we had before Wilde
came. For years and years tn
lamented Sam P. Twins, wit
others, had dwelt upon "the unde
veloped resources of Tennessee" mall
ing it hobby and hammering on til,
subject continually. They knew tn
richness of the land and the abundan
endowment of nature in all the esser
tial elements of a grand destiny. Blu
they were poweress to bring to bea
the practical application nee,lr
influences, until Wilder came and sa
and set to work for success w
write this as a feeble tribute to meri
that has never had its just recogni
ton. The south, and particularly Eai
Tennessee, owes Gen. Wilder a debt
can never pay for the part he h;
llayed in progr $. and development.
All kinds of building and rePairin
contracted for and executed in SUI
stantial manner by ], d, Weaver. SS-t
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-07-30
OBITUARY.

Last Friday noon the community
was startled by the unexpected
announcement that DR. Ozanne was
dead While digging potatoes in
his garden he was taken with apo
plexy and expired shortly after his
sons had carried him into the house,
DR.. James Ozanne came to Somers
from the Island of Guernsey with
his fathers family in 1912, where
he has resided ever since, growing
up with the country. By his ex-
emplary christian character and
sense Of truth and justice, which he
had in a marked degree, he has
done much to mould and sustain the
good character of the people in the
community in which he resided. He
early became member of the M. +.
church and was one of it's strongest
supporters and advisers. He will
be remembered by the old resi-
dents as a prominent person in the
political conventions Of the county
25 and 80 years ago, about which
time he was for a term of years
town clerk. AS a physician he will
be missed, as he was one Of the
kindest and most conscientious Of
medical men. The funeral services
took place Sunday morning from
the house, Rev. Groves officiating,
Miss Spencer, Mr.. and Mrs. Mitch
ell and Mr.. Gibbon rendering APP
propriate music. The remains
were followed to Oakwood GENE
terry by one of the largest process
sions ever seen in Somers. His de
voted wife and four remaining chill
dren have the sympathy Of the en-
tire section in their bereavement.
DR.. JAS. 7. Ozanne and wife, Of
Oshkosh, Rev. and Mrs. NJ. L. Nor
ris, of Ashton, ILL.,, NJ. P. Barnes,
of Chicago, VIM. Barnes, Of Lake
Bluff, Geo. Kellogg, of GAINESVILLE,
Mr.. and Mrs. F. Holmes, Of Chica-
go, besides numerous friends from
Racine, were present at the fun 7ral
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-07-30
SOM ERS.

Mr.. Geo. Spence, Postmaster at
Rolfe, Ia, is visiting relatives in
Somers.
Miss Maggie Fritz Gerald is Wis
iting her sister in Minneapolis.
Mr.. and Mrs. M. A. Gould re-
ioice in the birth of fine boy
Miss Hattie NJ. Spence reports a
pleasant trip in attending the
teachers association at Toronto,
Quarterly meeting will be held at
the M. E. church, Somers, next
Sabbath afternoon, August I'd, at
2:30 D. n. Rev. F. A Nimits, OF
Frank ,llle, will preach.
Mr.. James Briggs, of Wausau, is
the guest of his brother, Mr.. Ed
Briggs.
Mrs. Allen Williams entertained
friends from Milwaukee last week.
Mrs. A. G. Ozanne, who has been
seriously sick with the measles, we
are glad to note is recovering.
Mr. Peter Myers has moved to
Racine, where he expects to make
his future home.
Last week E. n. White, of Bur
lington, bought and shipped 10000
pounds Of wool from here, paying
Soc. for the best clips.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-07-30
BRISTOL.

Mr.. Barnes, as agent, is build
ing a creamery at Wards Corners.
A well has been sunk two hundred
and twenty-fv feet; the water is
said to be excellent.
Mr.. Miller, of Genoa, is certainly
fortunate in securing the services
of workmen not only efficient, but
in every way quiet an unobtrusive.
The carpenters arrived to-day.
They will board at Mr. Jim Kearns'.
Recently I saw Mr. M. D. Burt
who, some four years since, passed
the allotted three score years and
ten. Mr.. Burt was driving a dark
bay mare twenty eight years old.
From the nimble way in which she
got over the ground I infer her
master 5 weight of one hundred and
ninety eight pounds had no i'll
effect.
A little daughter of Mr.. and Mrs.
George S. Willis, of Chicago, and
governess, are with Mr.. and Mrs.
Burt, I am told they are SO well
pleased with . Oak Hill Cottage y
and its surroundings that they in
tend to remain as long as the latch
string is held out to them, Little
Miss Ruth is devoted friend to
Mr. John Kearns, who lost his
daughter and only child, Miss
Alice, last May.
Mr.. James Ward and his satellite
"Sport " are seen frequently in the
lanes and by ways. believe their
hunting days are now few and far
between.
Mr.. R. NJ. Fellows and Mr.. Dave
Pierce have been to the reunion o.
the G. A. r. in Kenosha.
The fruit season has been unusu-
ally good, Notwithstanding the
animal depredations of the birds Of
the air.
The farmers are rejoicing over
the successful hay making owing tc
the unusually favorable weather.