The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1891-03-01


fraud was on the fjoor; now it's IN the cell
ing, said Mr.. Cleveland.
HOW soIprER FEELS IN BATTLE.
General Russell A. Alger, Of Detroit, does
not often illustrate his conversation with .
humorous story. Now and then he does,
and the following ID one Of his fsyorites:
-Four ministers stopped at my house in
Detroit once during . conference meeting,
and one evening they asked me II the glory
Of brave deeds celebrated in song did not
have powerful influence in stimulating
soldiers to emulate heroes Of history. /
said, not 1t all. Then they wanted to know
VII, xhst was the 5, s tnt so1d,er fhs.
he went into battle. / answered
that just three words were often
uttered by soldiers in fighting, and they
embraced all the sentiment and poetry Of
. warriors nature. For example, In my
division there was certain colonel known
for his religious views and orthodox ways.
Sabbath, and never was known TO utter an
oath or any word on the 'cuss' order.
thought he was Miss Nancy kind Of .
soldier, and was afraid he would not be any
use in hattie, except to assist in quick and
successful retreat. One day in . big battle
saw regiment in the thickest Of the
fight, and the colonel, with his sword
shot, in front cheering his men and urging
them on. ! rode up rapidly, and the
words that the good, orthodox colonel
was using made me smile:
/" Give ,em hell Give 'em hell, boysP
he would yell at each volley.
Why colonel, said, I am surprised
at your language; You. our best Chris
".Well, that is Just what mean, and
inst what feel give sem hell
"These are the three words Of sentiment
that . soldier feels like uttering in bat
tie"
JAMEs GORDON BENNETT AND THE IMrs.
This is one of James Gordon BENEFITS
prime stock stories, as he relates it:
when Irving was playing in Faust in
this country, he made it very realistic by
employing . large number Of SUI
pernumearies who alternately appeared
as angels and then as imps
of darkness. One Of the grand
scenes is where the imps of darkness de-
scend. At . signal from Mephisto the
imps begin to scamper and get down below
through q trap door. Many had gone
down below when big, fat, 50-cent-a-
night imp started down. He was too
vain he tried to push himself down. An
Irishman in the gallery leaned forward
and said:
THANK God; hell's fullv
TALMAGE AND THE HUMAN VOICE.
Rev. T. Dewitt Talmage is fond Of any
story that will illustrate sermon or beau
tify moral. Here is one that he tells now
and then in his own original way:
"A German family emigrated from the
Fatherland to this country and settled in
Milwaukee. The oldest boy in his teens,
concluded he would start out for himself
Finally he brought up in New York city
and soon had spent all the money the old
man had given him. Then he wrote his
father this kind of an appeal:
Dear Fdther--I am sick and lonely, without one
single cent Send me some money quick. Your
son, John.
s.Now the father was illiterate and could
not read, so he went to q great strapping
butcher and asked him to read the letter.
The butcher had grutf way of reading and
loud voice. When he finished reading
Johns letter the father was furious and
declared he would not send penny, even
if the boy starved to death. He had never
heard Of such an impudent demand for
money. On his way home the father
thought the butcher might have made q
mistake in reading, and desire to hear
the letter read again overcame him. A
consumptive baker, with q low, falling in
letter. When he concluded the father said
with tears in his eyes: My poor boy, I'll
send him all the money he wants The
baker had read word for word the letter as
it was read by the butcher.
"You see, my dear friends, that there is
great deal in the human voice"
THE BILL WILL TAKE HIS BREATH AWAY.
Henry Watterson il quick in repartee,
and now and then perpetrates good thing
on the spur of the moment. He met in
Washington at the Riggs house, the cele-
brated> Psychologist, Colonel Dick VIM
tersmith. The latter was in gastronomic
quandary, and told Mr.. Watterson that he
(WinteEsmith) had an idea of ordering a
dinner of fine beefsteak and onions. He
was skeptical as to whether the Riggs
house could serve dinner of onions and
beefsteak that whould have real onions
and yet leave no offensive odor upon his
breath.
" Colonel Dick, can tell you what to
do said Watterson.
"'What is that?'
".Why. go to John Chamberlain's and
order beeksteak and onions, and when you
pay your bill it will take your breath
away?
GENERAL sHERxAx's TURKEY STORY.
General William Tecumseh Sherman
told good stories:
"When was with the army in Georgia,
slave owner one Xmas missed fat tur-
key. He suspected fine looking colored
man. and had him brought before him.
You have stolen my turkey and eaten
it, said the irate master.
"I'se not gwine to say didt when you
says did, massa.'
Al ought to do something to you. What
Rave you got to say why should not pun
ish your
"'Well, massa, you hain't los anything
particular. You see, you had little less
turkey and good deal more Niger
"And the master had to acknowledge the
philosophy of his slave and let him go un-
punished"
SENATOR INGALLS, AND THE DRUNKEN NAN.
Senator ingalls, is prolific with apt anec-
dotes and stories.
"a man considerably intoxicated got into
street car and hung onto a strap. There
was enough room for him to sit down, but
one gentleman had spread himself so as to
occupy two seats. The man holding the
strap said to him:
sSay-thic)-my fren'-(hic)- you
-(hic(-would move
"'You are drunk, answered the party on
the seat, who refused to make ROOM
al know it--(hic(-' was the reply, but
(hiceIll get over il. You'reIhic)-a
hog, sir-thic)-andrl never-thicG get
over it,
THE WITTY FRESHMAN AGAIN.
Edwin Booth, the melancholy Dane, is
very entertaining when he enjoys . brief
convalesence from dyspepsia. Here is one
Of the jokes he tells on Fechter, who played