The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-10-23
HE KNEW 1T ALL.
The Professor of Universal knowledge
Meets His Glasses.

The Hon. Carlyle Smith, P. o. @.
having been called to the Chair of Uni
versal Knowledge by the trustees O
the nnebunkport University, met hi
classes for the first time the other day
''If the young gentlemen have any
questions to ask, said he, after he mad,
his bow, 81 wish they would begin
find that the best way to impart mis-
cellaneous information, of which uni
versal knowledge is largely made up, i.
to have students elicit facts by soliciting
statistics"
"Who were the chilly saints, pro
fessor?" asked a mild-mannered youth
with long red mustache.
The Chilly Saints" returned the
professor promptly, ''were three ir
mum ber-St. Pankeitius, St Liberatus
and st. Servatius. Their names are moi
mentioned prominently among the more
fashionable saints of the Holy Writ
whence is derived their chill. 1t was q
cold day when they were left. They
are celebrated on May II, II and ID,
and are held responsible by agricul,
turists for the annual running OF the
peach crop by frost, which. if you have
observed closely, occurs at about that
period of the year. Next"
81 have heard frequent mention OF
the Long Parliament, professor" said a
student from Hoboken, who was much
interested in politics. Can you in;
form me as to what that was?"
Certainly, SIR" returned the pro,
fessor. '"The Long Parliament met on
the third day of November, 1910, but
who managed to dissolve it in 1868. II
abolished everything but itself, and
made square effort to make itself i'm
mortal, but was unsuccessful, owing,
as | have said, to the fact that it got
into hot water, which is fatal to genius
upon which alone immortality may
rest"
THANK you," observed the student
from Hobolien. That clears away a
misapprehension under which | have
been laboring for some time. thought
perhaps the billion-dollar congress was
the long parliament, but l perceive
that there is distinction where there
would seem to be no difference"
WAS Dido related to 4Eneas?" asked
a special student who had left Harvard
for his health.
YES" returned the professor.
"IEneas promised Dido that she should
be a sister to be him, and the record
shows that Eneas always fulfilled his
contracts. Anything more?"
Glow do you pronounce Popocata-
petl?" asked the captain of the football
team.
Volcanic" said the professor, with a
glance at his watch.
Much obliged, sir" returned the cap
tain of the football team; but l meant,
what do you consider the proper pro-
nunciation of the word?"
"Worcester's - said the professor.
And what is that?" queried the cap
tain, persstently.
Really, my dear SIR" demonstrated
the professor, you should remember
that this is not a primary class. You
ought to have known before entering
college that that is in this instance a
pronoun."
81 should like to be informed pro-
fessor," said the matter-of- fact student
from Camden, from what the term
His Nibbs' is derived"
81 am glad you have asked me that
question, because it enables me to i'm
part to you bit of information which
has hitherto escaped the Argus eye of
the educated world. His Nibbs' is a
term of Indian manufacture-though
not derived from any Indian woodland
signifies serene highness. 1t was APP
piled by them first to William Penn,
the title Nibbs being suggested by the
famous Quaker's Surname. l prefer
that you should keep silent, however,
on this topic for some weeks Yet, since
the information which l have given you
is entirely original with myself and
owing to the fact that my library is
now stored beyond my reach in Cali
fornia, along with my shaving materials
and spring overcoat, have been I'M
able to adduce the evidence l desire to
establish my theory beyond preadven-
ture."
And then as the professor dismissed
his class he sighed heavily.-N. Y.
World.