davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Trinis of Sudden Wealth.

Mrs. Gaswcll-lt just makes me mad
Here 70 ont shopping in my five thou
sand dollar Worth dress, and just load
ed with diamonds, and yet folks think
I'm poor.
Mr.. Gaswell-They does?
Mrs. Gaswell-Yes, they do. l went
into Antique, Design & Co.'S grand
store to-day to get some furniture for
the new house. and at first they didn't
show me anything but lot of old Sec
ond-hand stuff that looked as eff it nd
come over in the ark.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
An Eleyatlng InstitutlOn.

It was in the far west, and some OF
the citizens were giving their attention
to man who had been stealing horses.
"What organization is that?" asked
an eastern man, as the crowd passed.
"Some sort of secret society,""
mot exactly" was the reply. THAT,
stranger, is our village string band."-
Washington Post.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Bound to Rise.

The phrenologist ran his hands rap
idly over the boys head, reflected a
moment and tried it again, but more
slowly.
"Well, professor" said the boys
father, what calling do you find him
best fitted for?'
Judging from his cranial develop
mcnt," replied tile phrenologist, break
ing it as gently as he could, II think
he would make good parachute
jumper. Chicago Tribune.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
A I3lOw.OvG.

Hoffman Howes-Wheah has Howell
Gibbon been lately?
Rockaway Beache-Staying at home,
deah boy. His name was misspelled in
one of the society papahs, and he is
waiting faw the affaih to blow oyah.-
puck
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Ruined fills business.

Mrs. Dogood-Even if you are just
out of prison, that docs not prevent You
from going to work.
Dusty Rhodes-It do, mum; they cut
my hair and my business is ruined.
Mrs. Dogood-What business were
you in?
Dusty Rhodes ~ The Circassian
beauty line, mum.-Kansas City Times.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
The Public Sets the Gait.

Winks-Don't you think editors and
reporters ought to be required to sign
their names to their articles?
Jinxs-No. Editors and reporters are
not responsible for what they write.
"Who are, then?"
1.-The people who buy the papers.
N. Y. Weekly.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Sadly Neglected.

A little three-year-old who has been
su,nmering up in the country fell into
an old well where the water was only
six inches deep and remained there
some time before he was discovered.
When he was finally rescued his pent-
up Indignation knew no bounds.
"You fink kin tay in a well wizout
muffin to eat, like a fwog? Fly wasn't
no better fadder n mudder n you I'd
90 wifout children. Texas Siftings.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Circumstances Alter Cases.

Mrs. Laytin iust returned rom =
good time)-Why, it's only two IL the
morning!
Mr.. Laytin - Humph! Is I'd been
coming home alone, instead OF WITH
you, you'd think it was late enough,
Ill bet.-Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Cause and Effect.

Mrs. Solomon-George, shall need
new pair of slippers this week. The
soles of these old ones are completely
worn out.
Johnny Solomon-Papa. I shall need
a new paiSof trousers this week. The
seat of these old ones is completely
worn Out-puclk.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
His Speciality.

"Oh, yes! He's quite remarkable
man. Able to concentrate his mind on
one particular subject, no matter how
great the crowd and confusion around
him. His power of abstraction is SIM
ply wonderful"
what is his special branch of SCI
encc?s'
"Kleptomania, think they call it. ~
WASHINGTON Post
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Why Not +?

Theatrical Manager-Yous surely don't
expect to succeed on the stage solely on
account of your beauty?
Society Woman-Yes, but I do. I
know scores of actresses who succeeded
and they aren't one bit good looking
Munsey's Weekly.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
More to the Point.

Poet (impressively)-I always know
when / write something that is very
good.
Critic (thoughtfully) - But do you
know when you write something that is
very bad?-Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Delightful Treatment

$50 you proposed to her. Accepted,
of course?'
Accepted! Why, she treated me like
q dog"
"Allow me to congratulate you, old
fellow. saw how she treated one the
other day, and, by Jove, ! envied that
dog. Chicago News.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Tho.e uorrid Servants.

'aIiss Ethel is long time coming
down." said the youth to the servant
after waiting some time for the young
lady's appearance. Perhaps" ne
added, with q laugh, perhaps she is
making up her mind whether to see me
or not"
NO" said the servant, with an icy
smile, sit is not her mind she is making
up"-N. Y. Press.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Narrowly Escaped Loss.

1.-THE lifc-saver at Bartonhurst saved
Mrs. Cohen from drowning"
Ibid Cohen reward him?"
"Yes Gave him five dollars"
Good. lie must be fondcr of his wife
than we thought"
"Oh, it wasn't that She had her
diamonds on."-Jnry.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Not an Inspired Class.

Poet-What do you think of these
verses? just wrote them off on the
inspiration of the moment.
Cynic-If you can get some editor to
accept them on the inspiration of the
moment You will be doing very we'll in
deed -puck
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
The Dogs Name.

The Dogs Name.
"What does your father call his bull
dog, Clara?"
Victor, l believe"
"Ah. have pair of trousers to send
him"
what for?'
because | am a believer in the doc
trine that to the Victors belong the
spoils. "-Washington Star.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
RAND Advancement Out West.

Fightson-Sce that man in the ele-
giant carriage? When he came to this
town ten years ago he couldn't write
his own name.
Runsway-And now?
.'Servcd two terms, by George. sir,
Tor forgery.'-Chicago Tribune.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Not an xiluInnuA.

Summer Bclle-That Mr.. Spry out
there in that rowboat is one of the most
learned men / ever met. wonder
what college he graduated from.
College Graduate (contemptuously)-
Huh! Hes no college man. Look al
his stroke.-Good News.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
A Child's Logic.

Efie-Mamma, does God see every
thing that everybody does?
Mother - Yes, child, and Furnishes
them when they do wrong.
Efie-Then it's better to be lazy and
do nothing, SO to be en- the safe side.-
Once a Week.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
An Agreement Of Opinion.

"What do you think of married life?"
asked the henpecked man, addressing
the youthful bridegroom.
"Bliss is no name for it," said the
young husband, enthusiastically.
"You are right" said the henpecked
man, gloomily, ''bliss is no name for
tn. Y. Press.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15

bearable: Mt any rate. the ladies looked
so comfortable and contented that was
cnvious. caught myself yawning ter
ribly.
MY God. one can lose ones bit Of
manners here, tool" thought |, con.rite-
ly: crept to my room and went 10 bed
ut ten o'clock.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
OF CourAe.

Old Lady-What's that awful smell?
Farmer-That's the fertilizer we're
putin on the field yender.
Old Lady-For the lands sake!
Farmer-Yes'm.-Puc
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Perfectly Secure,

Mrs Tooral-Your cats such splen-
did mouser!
Mrs. Rooral-Yes; she'd make me feel
safe without q chair or table in the
house.-Puck.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
A Case of Dire Necessity.

Mrs. Kingley-I see your church is
going to send away your minister for
three months. Isn't that long time?
Mrs. Bingo-Yes, but we need the
zest.-Life.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
She Was Proud Of It.

ethel Goodbell brought home q
lovely souvenir spoon with her from
England"
81 know it; l saw her with him on
the avenue, Sunday morning."-Life.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Knew Himself.

Cleverton-Well, old man, where do
you expect to pass the summer
Dashaway (sorrowfuily) - Walking
back from the ace-track.-Judge
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
Natures Handiwork.

"What dentist made your teeth for
your
Those are my own teeth. No dem
fist made Them" was the indignant re-
ply.
You don't say SO? How deceptive
they are. They look as nice as the
best kind of false teeth. What a won
derful thing nature Texas Sift-
inpS.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15

Crimson-Ic's got jaw on him like
a slugger. hasn't he?
Lake-Ya-as. That's whot admiah
abaout him.-Leslie's illustrated News
PAPER
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15

Eloobumper (who has been inveigled
into going shopping with his wifc)-
This fabric will make you nice dress.
Mrs. Bloobumper-Oh, nobody is
wearing that now.
| Bloobumpcr-Then how will this
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15

Miss Blanche Snow-I's 'fraid rs de-
privin' yo's OBJ yo's seat, sar.
Mr.. Chesterfield Knight-No deprav-
tty, miss; no depravity.-Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15

Mrs. Bloobumper-That won't do
either. Everybody's got something like
it. It's too ccmmon.-Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15
A WINTER AT NICE
BY z. Won oSTEN.
TRANSLATED Fsoa THE GERMAN eY EETTE { MILLER
CHAPTER XIV.

Copyright. 1851. BY A. N. Kellogg Newspaper Co.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-15

riors making forts and preparing for
most dreadful carnage. That they are
now ruins alters not the fact daily ap-
parent to the older inha bitants that they
are landmarks Of war and constant re-
minders of days they would gladly for
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12

Boz. thoaeh most people With less
fondf ess FOR To- = sserious and bel
Ger knowledge of the weaknesses Of
the Hladus 90 making riddles Of the
sinpless fscta, will look for more
pros4ic expianation. is renaias to be
said that mons has besn Forthcoming.
The secret mail i an indubitable real
ity, and 40 Westsrner has ever sue
ceeded 10 solving lie mystery.
1t nsws b. Transmitted by signals
no one has ever seen The signalers !;
nor if there j. vast system of stages
IN operation. covering hundreds and
thousands Of miles.. has anyone ever
come across any Of its machinery /?
And. indeed. it would seem that some
means Of Communication must be at
the command Of tbs natives more
rapid than horsss or runners.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12

they found that great many abuses
had sprung ~. the prin6ipal Of which
j. the making Of cases by the officials
for the purpose Of securing fees. The
practices Of judges and other court
officials 10 Alabama, Georgia, West
Virginia. Massachusetts, and Louisi-
ana are criticised.
In the United States Senate, yes
terday, Mr.. Ingalls, made . personal
statement defending bis pair on the
closure rule, and announcing that he
was opposed both TO closure and the
force bill. unless the latter was amen.
ded. he declared that, a. president
Of the Senate, be had resisted over
tures to act in q revolutionary man.
ner to secure the passage of the force
bill. In the course OF debate on the
pension appropriation bill. Mr.. ALI
son said there would probably by q
deficiency Of from FIVE to ten millions.
although the bill sppropriatss over
S133. Q00. 900. The bill was passed
with amendments. Senate bill for an
exploration and survey Of the interior
OF Alaska was also passed. The
House decided 10 meet for the remain
der Of the session at IL A. II. The
sundry civil bill was considered, and
Mr.. Bland, Of Missouri, offered
Tree silver coinage amendment.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12

from He Chsoaao 1ii1uRe.
Lester v. Gridley. North Platte
(Neb.) stockmsu. tells a story Of q
ride be ones took on the back of
buffalo near Fort Wallace. Neb. Re.
turning from hunt alone. with the
hindquarters Of couple of young
bulls be had killed over his shoulder.
ne accidently ran into the herd again
and was surrounded before be realized
his situation.
my dodeing in and ont almost
caused stampede" he continued.
II knew if q panic took place amongst
the beasts would be trampled to
death. / suddenly determined on q
bold stroke, and edging up close to
a shaggy young bull, grabbed hold of
the long hair or his foreshoulders
and swung myself on his back.
The below that came from the fell
low made me wish that had not de-
cided upon such risky push for lib.
erty. The believing was taken up
by the rest of the herd, and soon we
were flying along at terrific rate
over gulches and up hill and down.
I was blinded by the sand thrown by
the hoofs Of the beasts. but with my
eyes closed hung on like grim death.
For half an hour the herd kept up a
terrific pace. and during that time my
legs were almost crushed out of my
boots BY the crowding animals.
II began to think my time had
come. I was 80 weak I could scarce
ly keep my seat. and was about to
let myself fall from the back of nv
buffalo when succeeded in scrapine
some of the sand out of my eyes.
discovered then that we were running
parallel with the railroad track and
as the bank was high and steep the
animals had not ventured to climb
the incline.
"The beast / was riding was the
closest to the track, and / knew if
reached the top of the embankment
would be safe. I dragged myself
together the best could and prepar-
ed for a spring. got my feet on his
back and jumped for the embark.
ment. ! lsaped at the right time. for
the movement Of the young bulI's
body sent me flying up the bank, and
there / was safe in the sand. For
five weeks afterward I was confined
to my bed"
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12

From the Ncw York Herald, 29tk.
Tragedies !? You nsed't 90 to the
theatre and pay q couple of dollars
for a good seat from which to view
the heroine a. she grows desperate and
takes poison. You can find within a
stones throw of your home misery
enough for oil your spare tears.
IL is queer world. and its good
fortune and bad seem to be very
unevsnly distributed. There are
many with too much and many more
with not enough. There are dollars
by the bushel 10 one house and in
another not coppers enough to buy
loaf of stale bread.
Take the caes of Mary Carlton for
example. She tried to commit suicide
and now lies on hospital cot. She 10
young. but the struggle was too much
for her and she swallowed q dose of
laudanum.
Mary is product of the tenement
district, and perhaps never in her life
had quite enough to eat. Long be-
fore her teens she went to work; has
been working ever since; always
thought she was in rare good
luck when she could put in twelve
hours a day and get sixty cents for
Il. Now she 10 30 years old. is tired
OF the grind. has breakfasted, dined
and supped on despair. and concluded
that even in city full of churches
and charities it is easier for a poor
girl to die than to live.
II am very hungry" she said to
her landlady, Then she moved out
of her little cherries room at the top
OF the house, for which she paid $3.50
per week, into an ill.ventilated closet,
with rental of half that sum. II
was to no purpose, though. She kept
hoping, but hope cant last forever.
She trudged over the city seeking
employment and got none.
At last she pawned her dress, paid
her landlady what she could, all ex.
cept fifty cents, with which she
bought the drug. She drained the
bottle and waited for death to come.
The doctors may save her life, but
what is there to live for? Who cares
either for her or for the thousand
other Mary CARTONS who are ,vainly
trying to keep the wolf from the
door?
We are all of one family-are all
brothers and sisters. It's a beautiful
theory, but only a theory. It sounds
like great truth on Sunday morn
ing when we listen to the sermon, but
on Monday morning it is prodieious
falsehood.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12

From the Providence Journal.
What is known as the "secret mail"
OF India has for more than q genera.
ton perplexed the English mind, and
is still profound mystery. although
numberless attempts have been made
to explain it. Everyone who has
lived long in Asiatic countries is
aware that the accurate knowledge Of
important happenings at distance is
often possessed by the natives a con.
siderable time before it is obtained by
the government, and even though
special facilities had been provided
for the transmission of TIE news.
This was frequently and conspicu.
ously illustrated throughout the Sc.
poy rebellion. Happenings occurring
hundreds of miles away were usually
known in the bszars hours and some.
times days before the news reached
the authorities, and the information
obtained was regarded az 30 trust
worthy that the natives speculated
upon it even to the full extent of
their fortune. Indeed. upon one oc-
casion the secret mail" beat the GOV.
ernmeut courier by fully twelve hours
although every endeavor had been
made TO secure che swiftest dispatch.
The Hind1s themselves cay. when
they consent to talk about it at all,
that they depend neither upon horses
nor men, and have no secret code of
signals, but that they do possess q
system Of thought transmission which
is as familiar to them as is the electric
telegraph to the Western world. Any
one may accept this explanation that
will,
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12
Saint Nsr!J's Beacon.


From The Baltimore San.
Az editors are supposed to know
everything. / would like TO PROFOUND
the following queries: What peculi-
ar influence actnatss our President to
90 persistently urge the passage Of
the odious force bill? Do you think
he and those Senators who 90 persist.
emily disregard the expressed will of
the people. a. well - the repeated
warnings of THAR own friends and
press. are running msd7 Or are We
10 unfortunate a. TO End ourselves Q
President and majority Of our Sen.
ate opposed to popular sslf.govern.
ment, and they, tor, the leaders Of
the grand old party Of moral ideas |?
The Confsdsratss in 1880 and 1861
claimed that the republican party
had no reg ard for law. andIhat their
rights Of life. liberty and property
would not be secured to them under
the laws a. administered By the anti
constitutional republicans. They
charged the republican party with
disloyalty to our system Of govern
ment. Were they right? Are We
TO zee thsir allegations verified I
: Were the so-called traitors right and
really fighting the enemy Of our com.
mon country? And are the leaders
Of the republican party at this late
day going TO show the world that the
Confederates were. after all, sslf.sac.
riAcing patriots. fighting for liberty
and in defense of our cherished insti-
tutions, instead of being debased trai.
tors?
Can Harrison, Hoar & Co. be the
republican party Of Lincoln, Sumner
and Greeley? To there no remedy
for the people when their rulers be.
come seized with fit of lunacy or
turn traitors TO the principles Of the
constitution they are sworn to sup.
port and defend? Or are they right?
And have the people under republi.
can misruls in thirty years so dsgsn.
Grated as to be no longer capable Of
self-government? Has their enslavs.
msnt to contribute to republican BEN
efciaries the last twenty-five years
entirely destroyed their manhood !?
Has it become necessary for Big Ben
in the White House to dictate coer.
Give measures, to Gear it over Us, to
provide for improper control of our
elections. or, if need be, abolish cleo
tons altogether From the result Of
the late elections / would infer that
the people are beginning to know ;
but the same result evidently con.
WINGED Harrison. Hoar & Go. that the
time had come for them to show their
hand and assert their power as the
only remedy left to save the Oentrali-
cation party. But am putting these
queries to you because poor. busy,
tired farmer may not know.
FARMER.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12
THE WORK OF sENAToR srEwAR,

From the San Francisco Ezamiaer.
The Republican Senators who have
saved the country the shame and
danger that threatened it in the
Force bill deserve the uns,inted
thanks OF every patriotic citizen.
They have all done well. Il may
seem invidious to draw distinctions
but the services of one in particular
stand out with such conspicuous
brightness that they should have es-
pecisl recognition.
Senator Stewards work in behalf
of free and honest elections has been
q landmark even in the presence Of
Wolcott, Teller and Washburn. Mr..
Stewart made the FIRST Republican
speech against the Force bill. and the
first successful motion TO lay the bill
aside. he has fought the monssrosity
steadily and manfully, not saying
that he thought it good in itself, but
inexpsdient at this time. or that he
considered other matters of more i'm.
portanee at this time but boldly GO
ing to the principle of the thing and
dsnouncing the scheme as one which
would bring ruin upon it's promoters.
As long as Stewart and Jones rep
resent Nevada we shall hear very lit.
tie about "rottsn boroughs.' There
is more brains and manhood in their
two heads than in those of a dozen
trimmers like Allison or fanatics like
Hoar. The size of the State 10 of less
importance than the quality of its
representatives.
It 10 scarcely too much to say that
Mr.. Stewart and his comrades have
saved our only defenses against O
Chinese invasion of this coast. The
next House. Democratic by nearly Q
three-fourths majority. will be called
upon to renew the Exclusion laws.
IL the Senators from the Pacific
Coast, knowing from personal expsr-
fence what they were doing. had
joined with Hoar and his pro-Chinese
followers in the East 10 inauguratiug
Q race war in the South among the
people who had stood by US from the
beginning, giving us all the anti Chi
nese legislation we have ever had,
what sort of reception would our sp.
peal have met with? Now that the
Pacific Coast has saved the South
from the Force bill, it can confidently
ask for q return Of the favor.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12

9-People who use arsenical pre-.
parations for their complexion, do so
at the risk Of their lives. Aver q
Sarsaparilla is guaranteed free from
any injurious drug. and is. therefore,
the safest as we'll az the most power.
full blood medicine in the world. 1t
makes the skin clear.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1891-02-12
Cough-Cures

Are abundant; but the one best known for
It's extraordinary anodyne and expectorant
qualities Is Ayers Cherry Pectoral For
nearly half q century this preparation has
been In greater demand than any other REM
edy for colds, coughs, bronchitis, and pub
monary complaints In general
"I suffered for more than eight months
from severe cough accompanied with hem
orrhage Of the lungs and fhe expectoration
Of matter. The physicians gave me up, but
my druggist prevailed on me 20 Try