Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1891-11-07
HE WAS AN EPICURE.
HIS DISAGREEMENT WITH THE TOP AND
BOTTOM OF BILL OF FARE.

A man who looked hungry, and with
an air Of dignity that ill comported with
his mistit and well worn garb, sat down
at table in high priced uptown restaur-
ant one hot August day.
Waiter" said he, in the tone and
with the manner of man who knew
what was what and was determined to
have that and nothing else, fetch me a
venison steak and have it fat and juicyl"
Il beg pardon, sir" said the waiter,
with elevated eyebrows.
"Venison steak, said! fat and juicy!"
"Oh, sir!" said the waiter, but the
venison season hasn't come in yet, sir ;"
"Do you mean that you have no veni-
SOM"
certainly, sir!"
This is a first class restaurant, amt
it?" said the man, looking about him as
if he was afraid he had got in the wrong
place.
"Oh, yes, sir!"
And no venison?"
Not out of season, sir !"
The hungry looking stranger again
looked at his surroundings apprehen-
sively.
We'll, said he, perhaps you could
accommodate me with half dozen
brook trout. Iwant them crisp but not
frizzled till they are chip dry Half a
dozen will do"
Il am SORRY, sir, said the waiter
with an apologetic shake of his head !;
but the brook trout season has Just gone
out"
What" exclaimed the stranger mo
brook trout, either?"
"All the fault of the law, sir. We can
give you salmon, sir.
"If l had wanted salmon I'd have or
dered salmon!" exclaimed the man. 81
do my own ordering"
The waiter bowed meekly and said
nothing. Finally, throwing himself
back in his chair resignedly, the custo-
mer said:
We'll, fetch me a quail. Broiled, of
course. On toast. It's funny a fellow
can't get anything but quail in these so
called wayup restaurants. Fetch me a
quail. I'll have to put up with it, l sup
pose"
A look akin to pain spread over the
walters face. He hated to disappoint
this fastidious customer, but there was
no way to avoid it.
very sorry, sr!" he said, again apollo
getically. But it's the law again, sir.
We positively could not serve you quail
before the close season is up on November
l, sir, but"
"Novemberl" exclaimed the customer,
tapping nervously on the table with his
knife. Great Heaven! Does this estab-
lishment expect me to sit here for months
waiting for it to broil me a quail? The
longer you have to wait for your order to
be served the higher toned the restaurant
is, am aware, but waiting for months
for one is a little too high toned, it seems
to mel"
The waiter wiped away the perspira-
ton that began to gather on his brow
and bowed again. Finally he plucked up
courage to say:
"Woodcock are in season. sir.
"Well, who denied it?" rejoined the
stranger. II know that woodcock are in
season! l have had nothing else but
woodcock, woodcock, woodcock for two
weeks l am not asking for information,
but for something to eat! Is it possible
I've got to fall back on bear meat? 1t
looks that way. but don't fetch me
a piece one bit bigger than my hand.
Fetch me just one little piece of bear steak,
waiter, and have it well DONE Rare
bear is worse than raw liver. A piece no
bigger than my hand, waiter, with brown
gravy.
The waiter looked about him weariIy.
The perspiration trickled down his face
He attempted smile as he turned to his
customer again, but it was wan and
sickly one.
Il am afraid, sir, said he, that it is
hardly cold enough yet for bear.
Hardly cold enough!" exclaimed the
persistent customer. you don't sup
pose | want cold bear do you? You're
afraid it's not cold enough for bear, eh 2
Well what do l care what your fears are !!
They're nothing to me! Get me some
thing to eat! That's all ask of you Do
you mean to say that this establishment
can't serve me any bear meat2"