The Big Stone post. (Big Stone Gap, Va.) 1890-1892, 1891-01-30
TIE SERMON OK TIE Ark.
Also Some Jnformationabo NoaI-ah and
Those Who Went into the Arls-ah
With Him. with n Little
History Thrown IN.

NctHoulst CaInp-NlcctJnE III tue interior
Of Georgia, and heard sermon which !
have never been able to forget or describe
AT the earnest solicitation of friends,
have attempted several times to write it.
But 1t cannot he put upon paper. The
main force Of it was in the snufllng
and splitting and grooming and hound after
toX sort OF yclp and whine, 10 which no
pen can do justice. 1t must he intoned
to nc appreciated. have preached it a
thousand times for the amusement OF
friends, and have been satisfied with my
effort. ] have used it az a remedial agent
in exercising the demons OF hypochondria,
and have never failed ito send them down
a deep place in the sea- or somewhere
else to the great relief OF the sufferer
The speaker had just been licensed and
il was his first sermon. In person,
he was small, bullet headed. Of i fair,
sandy complexion, and his countcnancc
nance was Indicative OF sincerity and
honesty.
His remarks cvinccd great reverence for
the works OF God as manifested in zoology
and natural HISTORY, and "was taking up
tho Bible in regular order for the first
time in his life. He had gotten as far as
the history Of Noah, The Ark, the Flood,
etc. Besides, just before the conyers-
ION he had been reading Goldsmith 5
eliminated Mater, and the Two together
lay the aid and assistance Of the Spcrit,
had led him into Il powerful train Of
thinking - hc stood at his workbench
day in and day out. =
But whatever his scrman may have
been. ii was his own. The text was: ''As
ii was in the days of Noah, so shall the
coming OF the Son of Man be After
commenting upon that portion Of Genesis
descriptive of the food, he :" warmed up "
suddenly, and broke out in the following
strains:
Yes, M brethren, the heavens of the
windows was opened-all and the floods Of
,he g-r-c-a-t deep kiycred The waters
alb, and there was Shcm, and there was
Ham, and there was Japheth-ah. all
a-gwinc into the Ark an
And there was the elcphantah, that
g-r-c-a-t animal-ah Of which Goldsmith
describes in his 'Anmatcd- Mater ah,
what is as big as housc-ah, and his
bones as big as 4 trce-ah, depending
somewhat ON Tic size of the trcc-ah, all
a-gwinc into the ArI,-ah. And The hcav-
ems of the windows were opcned-aIi, and
the floods Of the gr-c-a-t deep kivcred
the waters-ah, and there was Shcnl, and
there was Ham. and there was japheth-
ah, all a-gwine into the Ark-ah.
And there was the hipopoptamus-ah
that g-r-c-at animal-ah OF which Gold
smith describes in his animated Mater
ali, what has Il s-r-c-at horn-ah a
stickn right straight up out Of his fore
ward-ah, six feet long, more or lcss-ah,
depending somewhat OH the length Of il
ali, ALL agwinc into the Ark -ah.
And there was the giratlc-ah, NY broth
ercn. that ill-contrived reptile OF which
Goldsmith describes in his eliminated
Mater -ah, whose forelegs is twenty-five
feet long-ah, more or lesS-ah, depending
somewhat upon the length Of 'em-ah, and
a neck so long he can cat hay off the top
of barn -ah, depending somewhat OH the
hithc of the harnah, a-l-l a-gwinc into
the Ark-ah And the heavens Of the WIN
dows was opencd-ah, and the floods OF the
great deep kivcred the waters ah and
there was Ham, and there was Shcm, and
there was Japheth-ai, all a-gwinc into
the Ark-ah
And there was the zebra, M brethren
all. that b-c-a-u-t-!-t-u-l animal OF which
Goldsmith describes in his Animated
Mater ali, what has three hundred stripes
a-runnin' right straight around his body
ah, more or less, depending somewhat Oh
the number OF stripes ah, and nary two
stripes alikc-ah. ALL a-gwinc into the
Ark -ah.
And there was the anaconder-ah, that!
g-r-c-a-t sarpint of which Goldsmith de-
scribcs in his 'Animatcd- Mater ah, what
can swallow six oXcns at mca!-ah, pro-
ydcd his appetite don teal Tor !ess-ah, and
the floods Of the great deep kivcred the
walcys-ah, and there was Shcn, and there
was Ham, and there WAS Japheth-ah, all
a-gwne into the Ark-ah.
And there was the lion. brcthrcn-ah,
what is the king OF beasts. accordn' To
Scripter-ah. and who, a. 81 Paul saysa
prowls around of night like Il roarin
deyil-ah. Il scckin ii he can't catch somc-
body-ah; all agwine into the Ark -ali.
Aud there vas the antc!ope-ah, my
brethren, that frsky Little crittcr-ah, OF
which Goldsmith describes in his 'Anima-
ted Nater-ah' VIA! can jump sevcuty-iivc
foot straight un-ah, aud twice thG: dis
lance down-aI,, provided his legs vii! take
Eim that .ur-al, ALL a-gWine into the
Ark All. And the heavens of tie Win
Gows WAS opcn-ah, and ;hc floods Of the
grea; deep kvcrcd the walors-ah, and
there was Sncm and there MAS Ham, and
there was .;&phcih-ah ALL a-gwiuc into
the ArN-ah.
Just at this point he stopped speaking a
few moments, wiped lis forehead, turned
back his wristbands, ran his fingers
through his hair, spit and rubbed his boot
in ii, drank little water, commenced on
Il lower key, and proceeded rs follows:
But time would fail Inc, my brethren,
to describe I'll the animals that went TO
the Ari,-ah Your patience and my
strength would give out before got half
throueh-ah We talk, my 5rethcrin, about
the faith OF Abraham and the patience OF
Job-ah; bet il strikes me thcy didn't go
much ahead Of old Nocr-ah. 1t tuck :;
right smart chance o both to gcthcr up
all that gopher wood pitch and OTHER truck
for to Build that craft-ah. am 4 sort OF
carpenter myself, and have some idea OF
the iob-ah. But TO hammer and saw, and
maui and split away on that one thing 9
hundred and twenty ycars-ah, an loolin'
torhis pay in another world-ah-l tell YOU,
nv brctherin, if the Lord had asset Job
at that, lis my opinion he would a-tuck his
wife 5 advice inside Of fifty years-ah Be
sides, no doubt, his righteous soul was
yexed every day, hand runnn' with the
filthy communications Of the iasphcmious
set that was always a-lofcrin, and a-saun-
term around-ah, a-pickin up his tools
and a-misp.acin EN-, and a-ca!iin' him an
old fool or somethin' worscah; and, to
can The climax. he was Il preaeLer, and