Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-12-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

o|'"S9o'
Dentists are not all farmers, but they
live off the achers just the same. -Pitts-
burg Dispatch.
Justice is made blind so that she
can't see what is going on in the court
room.-Datlas Neocs.
1t has been discovered that music
comes out of a barrel organ in slaves.
Washington Star.
We tip the scales to learn our weight,
and tip the waiter to avoid wait
Bipghanaton Republican.
Mine is a patient wait" remarked
the young doctor, as he sat lonely in
his oi1ice.-BaItinaore american.
The world is more likely to speak
we'll of a man when he is dead than
when he is dead broke.-Puck.
He-'.Are we going to have some
music?" She-',No. Miss Van Howl
is going to sing."-M. 7. Herald.
The moon shines best when she is
full. 1t is not so with the leading
lights of society.-Nes0 Orleans Picay-
Une.
When they say the brides costume
was a dream do they mean to imply
that it was an illusion?"-Boston Ga
zette.
The flowers that bloom in the spring,
tra-la, have good deal to do with the
breach of promise case in the fall
Daitas NeaOS.
Why should officials spend thousands
shooting dynamite balloons when any
ordinary teamster can draw rein?-
Columbus Post.
Foreman Ito editor)-''You'd better
look out! Old Jones is red-hot!" Ed
itor (calmly)-''When did he dep
atlanta Constitution.
A man never fully realizes how much
of sponge he is until he slips down in
a puddle of water and mops it all up.
Richmond Recorder.
I've got $4,000; 1 want to build I.
house." You can't do it." WHY
not?" ct takes 500. 900 to build q
house for $40, OO0 "-Puck.
A Western man says this is tough
world and it is his opinion that very
few who are in it now will ever get out
alive.-Pharmaccuticat Err.
Deacon Smith-''What kind of col
lection did we have to-dayP" Parson
Brone-"A collection of misers, I
should Judge. "-LoaoeU Citizen.
Heaven helps those that help them
selves, but praying for your daily bread
does not entitle you to the entire
bahery.-L'adjasaapo!is Journal.
1t is so easy in the spring, when APP
ple-trees are in blossom. for a man to
promise his friends all the apples they
want in the fall.-Atchison Globe.
Guest Cat Maine resort) What
lake is that?" Hotel Proprietor-.Pve
been here only one season and can't
pronounce it yet. ~. 7. Weekly.
Wat was the trouble at young
Fits house this morning?" Fits was
trying to organize bread riot, so my
wife says. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Teauher-''What is the Island of
Java noted forp" Bright Boy (son of
a grocer Pitts noted for the coffee
that used to come from there. - Good
NeaOs.
Primus-''Dd you read my play?"
Secundus - Yes" Primus- Were
YOU struck with it?" Secundus-"Yes
You ought to dramatic wallpapers
B0zGr
Talking about literary style, there
goes :, man noted for his finished sem
lences." Indeed? Is he novelist"
No; he is an ex-convict. "-B0ttjna0re
american.
There are men who are such con-
Grmed slaves to the weed that they
wuu'd not enter the car of progress
unless it WAS a smoking car.-BoSjon
Transcript.
Now that we have plenitude of rain
machines won't some genius please
arise and invent something that will
successfully hail a horse-car?-De5r0it
Free Press.
''Ah! 1t seemed that my remarks
were wholly uncaled for" commented
The author when his essays came back
TO him by way OF the dead-letter Office.
indianapolis Journal.
A government employe expresses the
hope that the new rapid-fring ma
chinery will not be brought into use
after any changes of administration
that occur Washington Star.
Visitor-"Are you acquitted with
Scribber, who writes poetry" Ed
| itor-'.I should say l knew him. | had
to buy Il new waste basket last week
! Oh his unt.'-IeGas SJtjmgs.
The leaves will be dropping soon,"
he said, with tinge of sadness in his
have to be up with the fall styles, you
know" y Washington Star.
Winkle-''I wish could devise some
way of hanging up my clothes" Mold
Il wish l could devise some way of
! getting them ont after l have hung
| them up othier and Furnisher.
Madison Squeer-"T They say that
one-half of the world doesn't know
| how the other half lives" Morrison
| EsseX-''The man who wrote that
never lived in a small town. "-Pucb.
First Little Boy-'And does your
sister play the banjo?" Second Little
Boy (proudly)~-"lndeed she does; you
just ought to hear her. She's grad
uate of Vassar she is."-Good NeaUs.
II nave seen all the large openings
| of the season." said Mrs. De. Style.
Beg pardon. my dear" meekly said
her spouse; have you inspected my
bank account" -Battimor american.
And ladies and gentlemen" reared
! the temperance lecturer, what las
filled more graves than whiskv?'
Doctors" squaked still. small voice
in the back part of the hall.-Detro't
| Free Press.