The critic. (Washington, D.C.) 1890-1891, 1891-01-14
OVER THE NUTS AND WINE.

The upper crust is not better baked than the
lower, though II may he generally found quite
as tough.-Mp York Heruid.
Men may die, nature may totter and fall, but
Jokes live on forcver.-Lh LhafiestOn rs "a
UCid.
When man tells you that he Is perfectly
contcnted he means, In nine cases out OF ten,
that after thinking the matter all over he docs
not see how hc can get anything more. ISon,s,-
riHe JoUrndi.
"What has become OF that brilliant young
Methodist preacher heard last year,
"Ohl some Wall street man got hold of him
turn Faptlst."
'Ahl sec; watered his stock."-New York
Hadd.
"In what class OF scents does the odor OF
"Innocence," returned the D. d. blandly.-
Ne1C York Heyald.
Algcrnon (making calD-what are these
noises hear, Miss Maudf
Miss Maud Cwhose mother Ia yindlctiycly
making u wholly unnecessary racket in wash
ing the dishes)--Its dear mamma. She dearly
loves TO sort over the -a-brac.- ChiedJo
TFi6une
Hc-While tie choir was trying to master
the new to deum the other night Ut the church
rehearsal, the organ suddenly stopped and We
found the boy who had been blowing it fiat on
his back, unconscious.
She-W hat did you do, send for doctor!
Fledgcly-I love you, Alice! VIII YOU be
miner
hlicc--What are your ideas regarding ringsY
FlcGscly-p Diamonds.
Alice-Tase Me--JoHele,s' C;rculdr
She was the daughter OF preacher who
didn't believe in dancing, and she had been 70
the dance the night previous, much to the old
gentlemGn's dissatisfaction.
"Good morning, child of the DEVIL" nc said
Good morning, father" pleasantly re-
spondcd the daughter.
The old gentleman has decided to deal out
no more sarcasm.- Chicago Netps.
"well, what did you think of the play to-.
nights"
Advance Agent of Iuggcr Mugger Combina.
| tion-Not 20 bad; some good lines In 1t; but
rather slow, don't you know, take II altogether.
You mighter liyened It up n bit by having
| 0phelid In the mad scene appear in tights and
| you'd oughter worked in q song and dance act
sensation you mighter created by having an
| AmHZonian march In that graveyard business.
| II you'd have the thing fixed into shape, I
might be induced to take It into their repar-
| tory. They'd make the fortune of the author II
they'd take hold of it.-BoSt0n Transcript.
The Boston woman has her cloarly.dedned
Ideas and knows perfectly well what she ~
she IL II hgp in ssSHss na yIpsa
In this authentic anccdo,c. lady came TO d
Back Bay hotel to look at rooms, She was duly
shown, and finally made her choice, and while
lingering In the apartment asked the ofioia
waiting on her II he would give her piece o
the carpet. lie Gcceded to this novel request
She then asked for piece OF the Wallpaper
win You tell me, madam" he asked, "wh,
you wish theseln "Cortainly," she replied; -
intend taking them to All expert and have then
examined TO see II there are any microbes II
them" This is truly Bostoncse.-B B0st0i
Bpdgt
The Philadelphia newspaper boys dearl
| love to lOke fun Mt Colonel Singerly, tn
millionaire editor of the Record, OF that city
I'VE regret to read the announcomont,n say
the inquirer, "that Colonel Singerly will re
tlrc from the farming business In the spring
His Montgomery County model farm and sio
whence three meals day were served Il
courses to the llolstein cattle by stable boy
In dross coais and black neckties, win be sol
or rented. Those famous cattle, which away
wore their hair parted in the middle, and hn
1t done up every night In curl papers, win b
put up 0t the Vulgar auction block, knocke
down to the highest bidder, and turned out I
grass Ike any common barnyard stock
On the Qui-yive.
I'd hardly given hint OF love,
Much less OF then proposing,
But while she sat, her hands above
The Ivory keys disposing.
Thea deftly wrought such tones as spring
From throat OF thrush or llnnol
| said, ~ HE your lingering,
There's dainty brilliancc in It."
"Nly nngcr.Ilngi" she said, ~ Jog
Dcemcd in her glance 70 steady.
"YOu darling, dear, audgciOus boy
= You've ordered lt already
: "iiow dared you?r Then blush intense
ent charm TO words so clever,
gWcll, since you've gone TO that oXpedsa
l-l-lm yours forever