The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1891-08-11

heaven is via repentepce. Quit right
of and stay quit. A mans fool to
sin against his conscience, and man
who has more religion than sense is 9
fool on the same principal that man
who has more sense than religion is q
rascal. I've got no use for the little
fellows who run around attending to
Gods business. l never did preach on
regeneration. l don't have to, and !
haven't sense enough and if l bad
you haven't sense enough to under
stand it.
"You dram drinkin', card playin' /,
dancin' church member cattle know
what 1 think of you. If there wasn't
any harm in dancin' l wouldn't dance
with one Of the little efervescent,
fuzzy. funny church members. I'd be
afraid wouldn't have nuthin to hold
to, or that she'd 60 of in puff and
I'd be left. You put all the card
playin', dram drinkin, dancing
church members in the United States
in a bunch and apply the most ap.
parent religious pumps and give to
one man everything Christian you
extrac', and I'll bet he couldn't GIT
up one shout. No; these little fellows
who wear No. s shoes and No. 4 hats
are good dancers, but l never saw an
intellectual man in my life who liked
to dance.
"You preachers all have sense
enough to preach. if you'd do it. 1t
always amuses me to see an old D.
D. pe,ched on a river bank fishing
for hours in the same place with no
results. If 1 60 fishing and fish in
one hole an hour without getting any
thing ! either change my bait or git
. new hole.
"These old sisters who tell you to
see the old man about paying the
preacher aren't popular with me.
tell them: "Why! the old scamp
won't pay for HIMSELF You old
Missourians are pretty good sort oil
people. l like you, but you are
something like the south Georgia
cows. You'll only let one tit be
MIXED at time without kickin' and
then you only give enough milk fol
the coffee. I like you though
can't help it; at the same time l like
my little Bob, but ! clean him up oc-
casionally-that's business.
The evangelist then rambled bach
to the steps Of conversion for few
minutes, comparing them to rail-
road. Soon he broke out again !;
"There are people here before me
who are mad with each other and al
want to 90 to heaven. What would
God do with old devils like you
separate you and keep you in BARI
wire pens in heaven. II he didn'I
and you come together there would
be blood and hair and the ground
would fly up. Forgive the other fel-
low if he is honest. Shake hands
and settle the fuss. II some fellow
would rock my sheep to-day and to-
morrow tell me he was sorry he did II
ard ihen on the next day rock my
yearlings and then tell me be
was sorry end as soon as that was
done go and rock my colts, I'd get an
old shotgun that wasn't loaded and
pint it at BIN. Tote fair; that's the
way to git to heaven. The fellows
that don't tote git to hell and be set.
tin down waitin' when Eli gifts thar.
I'm preachin' truth to you ten feet
thick and as high as heaven. We
Methodists know dead sure we've got
relis ion, but we're afraid we'll lose it.
while the Presbyterians amt afraid Of
losin' anything. but amt so sure Of
what they've got. Now, I've talked
an hour. l showed you the right
road to heaven and told you that the
same road. only in another direction,
goes to hell. Repentance will keep
you on Gods Highway. If you don't
repent, the devil will get you, shure.
a. WINE OF csaDu. : :orrc ior Women