Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1891-10-22
TIE A-TABLE SALAD.

VI your pracllCe. -B0ttlnlOre
american.
HE scamp who was treated to coat
OF tar and feathers explained that he
lad Deen engaged In target Practice
LOaceU Courier. sgss2
WAITER" What kind of soup will
yon have ?" Beeathere-"Just plain."
Waiter-"What do you mean by that ?n
neutrality-suspicious. any thumb in
lt."-Boston Courier.
STRANGER Ito Bridget, scrubbing the
front steps While you're on your
knees, Biddy, pray for me-" Bridget
ION, Lord, max this fellow gintle-
mon ''-H0rper's Bo@ar.
LIEUT.. SrARBoARD, of the navy, MAX
ing late CALI notice the sea is go
ing out. ;" "Miss Rocks, with yawn--
Yes; [ thought you followed the sea,
Lieutenant ?"-- Yonkers Statesman.
He WAs.-Maddox (waking from a
nap)-"'I must have been sound
asleep, Gazzam (who has been an
noyed by Maddox's snoring)-''You
We're. | heard the sound. "-Harper's
B0.ar.
A LITTLE girl was trying to tell her
mother how beautiful certain lady
could trill in singing, and said: ooh,
mamma You ought to hear her gar
gle! She does it so sweetIy. "-Er-
change.
GLOW is it your boss sweet wines
cost so much more than the sour ones ?"
asked gentleman of the liquor dealer
boy. do you suppose the boss gets
his sugar for nothingY" was the incau-
tiouS reply.-Iecas Sytjngs.
WHERE is Chappie, who used to play
tennis with you ?" Gle is not in our
set any more" "Banished, Ell? What
was the crime? % "Why, he came to
that tennis court with twousahs on that
fitted him and were not turned up at the
bottoms, doncher ."--NeW York
Press.
REPARTEE AT THE KITCHEN Door,
Set out O. this, you nasty tramp, or
I'll set the dog on you" 'Set away
ma'am. He'll never hatch nothin'.
I'm a bad egg. "-Ne1O York S1tn.
A GOOD ExCusE.-Mother Severely
"Iou let James kiss you last night. ;,
Daughter (penitently) pressed
me so much | had to.''-New York Press.
BRowN-"It is said that God never
made two men alike" Mrs. Brown
"Of course he didn't, or you would never
hear of woman being married twice"
Life.
"YoU don't follow the hounds much
in thie country, do you, Miss Hawkins ,"
asked Lord Noodley. mo, we have
professional dog catchers," replied Miss
Hawkins Puck.
Mrs. BACKLor-''Y es, my boys doin'
! we'll in Harvard. He's studyin' for a
doctor now" Mrs. Nextdoor-"Dear
me! Can't the doctor do his own
studyin' ?"-Boston Post
'Now," said the professor, 81 want
you to illustrate the difference between
music and noise" "I our own singing
and somebody's else" replied the pupil
Confidently Washington Star.
CARRIER is still in trouble. His law
now makes serious charges against
him" ~ thought he won his case"
so he did, and that is what his lawyer
is charging him for. "-Lo1reH Citizen.
JUST MISSED Ir.-Amy-"Why SO sad,
Edith ?' Edith (rector's daughter)--
ooh, poor pa He never has any luck
They talked of trying him for heresy,
YOU know, and the church was getting
more and more crowded every Sunday:
Now it turns out it wasn't heresy at all
and here we are, poor as ever ."-BoS-
| tom Beacon.
CRoss-EYED MAN Gn a crowd
"You've got my umbrella, SIR Four
| teen Men simultaneously and some
what confused )-"Who? Me ?'-Chtcd-
90 Tribune.
"IsS'r it rather cool in here ?' he
| limited, the log fire having gone out.
"Yes," she said, lit IS. 1 think some
one of the theaters would be much
warmer. "-Hdrper's B0-dr.
GLOW came you to construct such q
lax divorce law ?" "Pardner,' replied
| ftIInx,, that oOnc IN
our state Tor divorces has to buy real es-
fata to acouire q residence. "-IndjanGp-
oils Journal.
CUPID, the god Of love, is represented
as being blind. This probably has re-
suited from his doing SO much business
With the lamp turned observation-disclosures
| Times.
81 FEEL constrained te tell you, Fred,
that I have been engaged before tins, =,
| she whispered. Don't mention 1t,
he said. gently; 81 too have been
tilted. ''-Harper's Bo2ar.
THE Old Hadley Landlord Jimmy,
run upstairs, quick, an ask your
mother Tor tn Home Book of Ettlket,,
tv,n Jimmv-''W Watcher wanter find Z,
The Landlord-"That gent has Jest
asked fer some conny-summay an l
want ter find whether it's bird, beast 1
lest napkin. "-Judge.
An old lady from way-back regions;
came to the city to DO some trading: 80
As she looked around the elegant store
Nth I' vague wonder dandy tloorwal ke1
approached her. What can / GO lo 9o
Won to-day, madam ?" y Wanter 70 &c (,
to the place where you sell dry, goods.
at is right here, madam. w W ma. h;ld
of dry gg, Gioas 90 A AD for once floor
n Mpa1ter was nonpIused,-Detroa Free
Press.
An Effective Speech.