The times., 1891-08-21
WIT AND HUMOR.


Perhaps it is because history repeats
itself that some of it gets so very dry.
Washington Post.
The ten-dollar bill continues to be
the favorite summer resort note.-
Baltimore american.
When sick man refuses to send for
doctor that is sign that he still
clings to life.-7s1as Sytings.
Though l speak but one language
/ am familiar with many tongues" said
q physician.-Buftlo Enquirer.
When some men discharge an Obli-
CATION you can hear the report for
miles around. POnkerS Gazette.
This summer is cautioned to look out
for a soft place to light. There's fall
Just ahead of it, Washington Star.
The man who selected his wife. as he
would his clothes, for wearing qualities
found that she wore him out.-Life.
The sharper understands other peo.
pie pretty we'll, but he often has to
give himself up Binghanaton Repub.
Hcan.
1t may be wise preacher who
knows his own theology, but he is still
wiser who says nothing about it.-M
Y. Recorder.
Twice during the year man feels
the need of rest-just before his vaca-
tion and again Immediately after
Elmira Gazette.
care you going away this summerP"
"No. I shall stay at home" ''WhyP"
Because my wife is going away
Loa0eH Citizen.
If everybody took up as much room
as he thinks he does somebody would
be crowded off the earth's surface
Washington Star.
A good national flower for some of
the foreign gentlemen who reach this
country would be the marry-gold.-
Washington Post.
Whom the gods love die young. The
rest become boy preachers or organize
into young mems political clubs
Detroit Free Press.
Maud-"Is it true that you are in
love with Mr.. BullionP" Clara
Mercy, no. I'm only engaged to
him.. y. Weekly. lo7a.a.-
st. Peter-"You were professional
humorist, were youp Any mitigating
circumstances" Applicant-"Well, l
didn't lecture. ."-Mansey's Weekly.
Kind Lady-"And if you pile up this
wood properly will give you some
more work to do" Weary Raggles-
"Den t'rew up de fust job, num-
Puck.
First Office Boy-"He's no news
paper man." Second Office Boy
MOP" Nav; he's a journalist. He
writes wild gold PENN Y Re-
cOrder.
Musical Criticism: Mistress (benevo-
lent)-"What would you do if you
could play the piano as canp" Maid
81 should take lessons. ."-Ne6el-
spatter.
Spacer-"What can l say in this
obituary for Ginsling. the bartender"
Editor-"Work in something about his
having smile for every one."-M
Y. Herald.
Miss Blewbudd (proudly) = my
grandfather was Virginia Taylour."
Newby-'Indeed Well, to be equally
candid, mine was Jersey City butch
er."-Puc6.
Baseball Fiend-"I heard you had a
match with your wife last night. Bats
by. What's the scorep" Batsby
(mournfully)-"She shut me out."-
Baltimore american.
Simpson, How do you know your
rival and her father will soon fall out
and tightp" Jimpson (gleefully)-
They've both joined the same church
choir."-M. Y. Herald.
Brown" Here is some tobacco,
my poor man. You must feel the loss
of a smoke after dinner" Tramp
mo, sir. l feel the loss of my dinner
before the smoke. Life.
There is girl in the London work
house who speaks language which
nobody can understand. Whata per-
feet railway brakeman she would
make!-Boston Transcript
In the school of military instruction:
"What is the powder that this
summer has been introduced in nearly
all the armies?' Insect
powder. ."-Fliegeaae Btatter.
Quester-"I wonder why it is that
man is heavier when he is in liquor
than when he is sober?" Jester
THAT is easily explained. It's be-
cause he's half shot. ."-Boston Courier.
A Detroit burglar stole all the gas
fixtures and several feet of lead pipe
from church in that city last week.
Professional courtesy, however de-
barred him from molesting the meter.
Indianapolis Journal.
What kind of people are your new
neighborsp" They moved in the
evening and l didn't see their furni-
ture. and they haven't hung out their
first washing yet, so l really cannot
tell you.-N y. Press.
Tailor (politely):-"Yes, sir; and
what kind of diagonal would you pre-
fer me to use in making this Prince
Albertp" Mr.. Britton-B n-Britton:-"Oh
--ah, wide wales, please; / understand
the prince is wather stout. ."-Puck.
why is this boat backing upp"
asked the passenger on the steamer,
CO.. said the mate, ''the CAPTAINS