The critic. (Washington, D.C.) 1890-1891, 1891-01-10
OVER THE NUTS AND WINE.

The difference between repartce and impu-
dencc is the sizo OF the man who says it,
EtHiTd gazette
You cannot tell from the number of it, feet
how long run poem VIII havc.--N0'Ti@owa
UoIdld.
Now that the hosties arc hemmcd In, we
soon expect 10 hear they are SiouXed up
Boston transcript.
"And now that we are engaged, Frederick,
only think II right to make confession.
That's all right, Emeline.. I smoke cigar.
cttcs, so we're quits ."-fhHadelphia Times.
Druggist have been trying to make IN I'M
ltation OF High Rock mineral water, and l
think have succeeded at last Taste that,
Dlnwiddic (nftcr u small drink)---lt needs an
other old shoe and two superanuatcd tomato
cans TO the cask.-Iatey- ocean.
.'What IL that spring-glm fixed there for!"
"For burglars, OF course answered the
second robber coming through the window.
Very kind, indeed. II It's for US OF course
we must take H."
Takes the spring.gun along with the silver.
Philadelphia Times.
Miss De Pretty--l don't see how you whistle
through your fingers that way. could never
do it In the world.
Mr.. Goodheart wishing to compliment her
delicate little hands)--NO Miss De Pretty, IL
you should try 1t your whole hand would Slip
into your mouth.-NeW York Weekly.
Horny oioy was asked by a lady, after the
fate of jackson, "ls he IN the good placer my
opinion II, Madame that II jackson made up
his mind to 20 to Heaven all hell could not keep
him OUT
Little Eddie ito his papa)-Pspa here comes
q policeman.
Papa "a bank casher)-Whatl Here?
Little Eddie-No, he's walking past the
house.
Papa resumins his paper)-Yon little impl
The next time you see an ofiiccr pass the house
Keep IL TO yollrself.-El)OCH,
a stout man who got q fall on an Icy pave
mcnt on Market street took satisfaction ont OF
girl scrnbbing the. front. steps who had
grinned at his mishap by exclaimlng in tone
tooth powder, didn't yous'< <Levistoa Free
Press
Figgs--A friend who has about dozen chill
dren recently confessed TO me that In his ease
marriage was failurcl
Diggs-l should regard II more In the light Of
an invoicc!-NeD York Herdld.
''what is this closure rule, Evrtsf''
THAT Is a rule, my dear but unfortunately
Democratic Senator, that is destined to closure
mouth, returned the witty but unhappiy Re-
| publican Scnator.-Nelp FORK Herald.
Mrs. stanloy-win you kindly hand me
my handkerchief from my dress pocket,
MIR. stanley taftcra a long pausc)--I can't find
| your pockct.-NeW York Hefdld.
The young man who wishes to go TO the
front in his vocation and stay there, should sc-
cure position as strcet-car driver Norris
| torn HtfOid.
Closenst to Wholesale Manager-IIave YOU
| made up the list OF things in our line affected
| by the tariff
ManOger-Ycs, sir; everything, save ono
| item, IL raised enormously.
| Closefst-And what item Is that:
| Manager -Salarlcs.-Puck.
When Dan Beard had been engaged to de
sign the Illustrations tor "Aiark 1wains'' last
| book, "A Yankee In King Arthur's Conrt," he
| wrote to Mr. Clemens, asking what instructions
| he wished to give. Mr.. Clemens u few day,
later shamblcd into Mr. Boards studio. "Mr
Beard ooh, II theiypes, could only reproduc,
somebody should come to me and say
| 'Clcmens, ] want YOU TO write q story for me,
| I'd say, 'All right, I'll write II story for you.
| But II somebody should come TO me and say
Clemens, here's n story want you to writ,
for me- and then should begin TO tell me tn,
story, I'D say, Hold on, yon blamed fool; yoi
don't want 20 hire me; you want to hire a type
wTiter'' This, Mr.. Beard says, was the ex
tent OF instructions given by Mr. Clenens.-
.fRai0Stui Magazine.
One OF the prominent ministers OF Hartford
Conn,-can II be MIR. Twitchel was pacin,
II hotel corridor not long ago when Christiai
Worker approached him with the question:
''Arc you Christiangm
81 hope so,' replied the clergyman, mod
cslly.
"llopo so; Don't you know soy" persisted
his intorl0cuior.
No response from the divine.
"Well, now,N said the stranger "lf q MAJ
should strike you on the right check, woul'
YOU turn to him the other asOyn
"No, | wouldn't, II he had rs much cheek u
you have was the reply.