The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-03-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

w UeIcttf YOU icsti Il iildu SLY tlldt ali
men are alike it is an apology for some.
very contemplate scoundrel.-Atchson
Gio5e.
Doubtless when they speak of 1.-The
warning elements they mean when the
winds have come to blows flashing
ton Post.
You see Baron. my papa gives me
book every birthday" ..Ah! you must
have already quite IA library. "-Fiiege'a-
dc Biatter.
The standard military pace is two
and 4 half feet On double-quick
retreat it is morc-NeU Orleans Pea
y1tf'.
Speaking of hvdropathic cures it
strikes us that we'll wafer ought TO be
good for sick people.-Biaghanaton Re
publican.
NOV, Johnny" said papa, who
was Adam? lie was the man who
discovered the world" said Johnny
Harper'S Bazar.
Hilow-..Now. look here Bloobamp-
CT. | wouldn't be II fool if were YOU"
Bioobumper-'.No if you were |, you
wouldn't be fool. ''-Epoch.
Sauso = Have YOU been playing
poker for money?' Rodd (disconso-
latcly)-''No; bat the fellows I'ye been
playing with have, ~. I. Herald.
When society whispers YOU can bet
it's whispering i'll OF some one; when it
speaks good of any one it uses a long
distance trumpet.-Sf. Joseph Neacs.
Boa (the auihor) Wait Il minute,
and I'll show You the proofs OF my
novel; Gore-'.No, no! don't want
any proofs. Your word is enough. =
Puck.
Namby-"She is very rich. Do you
suppose he had Il tender feeling for
her?" Hooks-''Of course. of course
= Il legal-:en.ler feeling" = n. T.
Herald.
',Ryhmer is wonderful poet. He
seems brother to the muses." Yes.
He has woocd them al and they have
apparently agreed to be sisters to him."
N. Y. SIN.
Tcacher-''Tommy, will you give an
example of tautology?' Tommy =
Saw one in our paper this morning.
1t spoke of 'brainlcss dude. III
dianap0lis Journal.
You say YOU waited on Carter when
he married?'' Yes, | waited on him
six months and I'm still waiting He
bought his wedding suit OF me-
Detroit Free Press.
"Is there stationery store in town?"
| asked a visitor at Kansas hotel. No,
sir" replied the clerk. as he shook his
! head; this town is in the cyclone belt"
-Harper's Bazar.
The wicked stand with immunity in
slippery places. whereas a small banana
! peel llngs the heels of the righteous 10
the sky like unto the heels of the lazy
mule.-Datlas Meas.
IF you gave less expensive presents
to people you could have better apart
mcnts than these Il know; but |
shouldn't get half so many good dim
ners. "-HUper's Bazar.
Suggest a motto for nv new bust
ness venture, will you. Miss Agnes?"
What is the business?n "A dairy
farm" Then suppose you take
Leave well alone. THE Jester.
Mr.. A. Tennyson Fizzle-''It is your
day now, but will be remembered
when you have been forgotten" Old
Shouldn't wonder; always
pay cash. ''-IatianGpolis Journal.
Judge Ito small witness) do you
know the nature of an oath?' 20 yes,
sir | am an oiliceboy. and have to
answer the telephone every few min
utes. 1.-THE Epoch.
Keely's rival. the man who had al
most invented perpetual motion. is
dead But there are plenty of men still
living who have almost done something
great BuGaIo Express.
''Demi-tralG," he exclaimed as ne
stepped on it and fell over it in two Or
three places. But it isn't" she said,
unconscious of his profanity, and proud
ly, for it was her first long gown
Washington Star.
Mrs. Honeyton-"Are those some of
the cigars | gave you?' Honeyton-
Yes" Mrs. Honeyton = How are
they?" Honevton-"They are of the
kind that it is better to give than to re-
ceive. "-Harper's Bazar.
Mabel Haven't | told Won hun
dred times not 10 kiss me! Jacques
Yes, | suppose you have" Mabel
"Weli. Il YOU knew how hard ii was fol
ne to say it YOU wouldn't make me do
it.''-BoSt0n Courier.
Il cannot permit it," said the mis-.
trcss; You must not bring strangers
into the Kitchen" strangers? Whv
Mr.. Locust's not Il stranger! | knew
him before he got on the police force"
Philadelphia Times.
Let Us sea cynic is {. man who is
tired of tie world, is he not?' the
young language student asked mo,
no, my child" replied the knowing
tutor "A cynic is man of whom the
world is tired. "-.Mtioaukce Sentinel.
Wickwire-"You're just too late.
Yabsley, Nudge has just finished sing
lug Rocked in the Cradle of tie Deep.
You missed Il treat" Yabsley-"O.
he had to treat before YOU would let
him sing eh?'-Aadianap0'is Journal.
Maddox-'Wh is that dilapidated
looking individual" Gazzam-.' That's
a man named Hawkins. Graduated at
the head of his class in college and
delivered an eloquent valedictory on
The Secret of Success. Nv 7. Sun.
What is the air that young fellow
is whisiling?' said the old gentleman
who doesn't like music, to his clerk
Its a march tune of some sortn
'Well, 60 and tell him it's only january
as yet. He has over month to co.
Washington Post.
Old Spiritualist-"That coat you sold |
me Is all going to pieces" Dealer
'"Mein fricnt, you go to doc many off |
dose seances. Dose spirits dake a
vancy to dot fine coat und dey demat- |
eralize it SO as to haf it for dere-
selves. Good Nea0s.
Gay-''1 feel like new man today
Bright-''Do YOU? Glad 10 hear il. |
Perhaps you can see your way clear to |
pay my little bill" Giy-''I'm a ne w
man. | told You. You can't expect me
to assume the liabilities of the old con- |
Germ, v Boston Transcript