South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1891-08-14
FHEINTELLIGENCER
FRIDAY. AUGUST Il. 1891.
AND WHATS THE NATTER
Matter Enough, for Everything Was
Sticky

Ii is perfectly right and proper 10
gratify every reasonable wish OF ones
wife, and that is why / got into peck
or two Of trouble q short time since,
When my wife arose FROM the break
iast table recently she turned to me
with q question:
My dear, can't you send down a cup
OF varnish and brash from the store
this morning?
Nothing easier. replied, but what
on earth do you want with yarnIsh P
Her eyes were resting on the sew.
ing machine when she replied:
l want to varnish my machine; it
is looking awful rusty.
IL Is, for a fact. / assented, looking
closely at that piece OF furniture, try.
ing in vain to find so much as a scratch
upon it; it is looking horribly bad !;
wonder you allow it to stay on the
premises at all. 1t strikes me as
singular you have not mentioned il
before. Why, that machine is a dis +.
grace to the family hope none of
the neighbors have seen it'll
Oh, it is not 30 bad as all that, sir /;
besides, l never asked for an opinion
from you. said she giving me a box,
on the left ear. Will you send me
the varnish ?
Why, certainly. What else can
do but send it-haven't 1 got your
orders?
We'll, now, don't forget it.
oh, the short.s!ghtedness of man!
Had L known of one-tenth The
trouble that cup of vsrnish was to
cost me, hew gladly l would have for:
gotten to purchase it
As l was leaving Tor the Office my
wife called out:
Send it as early as possible, dear,
and don't forget the brush
did not know there were two kinds
of varnlsh "a quick drying and a
slow.'dryiug, 80 l simply ordered
varnish and brush. They would
be sent Immediately.
l went on to the Office.
took dinuer at q downtown res
tauraLt, AID the varnish and brush
had not entered my mind durin the
whole day.
just as I entered the gate in the
evening thought OF them.
1t WAS good dark bu. the hall
lamp had not been lighted.
And j think III It was part of.he
plot.
J opened ths door hurriedly and
started in a brisk walk down the hall.
l had hardly taken a step when
ranmed my knee against q chair.
Another step another chair. Both
shins skinned aud in the dark!
took another step, and my foot land
ed squareiy upon the baby's little
rocker, which proceed d TO turn bot.
tom upwards. causing me to lose my
equilibrium, and went sprawliug to
tue floor, striking two or three more
chairs in the meantime.
1t made terrible racket, and my
wife inquired:
What's the matter, dear?
Oh, nothing. Just swinging cor
ners with chairs and things, l an
sTered, as calmly as possible.
l scrambled TO my feet and started
again, when struck that blasted ma.
chine, varnish and all, which landed
me this time smack into the baby
carriage, breaking the springs and
very nearly breaking my neck.
Did you hurt yourself, dear? came
that voice again, which had the eff
feet OF making me feel like chokiue
the life out Of something or some,
body.
Did burt myself. you ask2 Oh,
no, not much, sad I, only broke leg
and arm, aud punched one eye out =
that's all.
Why don't you come in she in.
qulred In tone OF voice that was re
msrkable for its calmuess, under the
circumstances
Come in ? | screamed, bow 10 the
name of sweet Solomon can ~ Haven't
been trying for the last ten minutes
TO come in, and dou't l .un a great
risk OF losing my life every time
try III Why, ia the name Of all
The saints didn't you tell me this
morning you were going TO move out
ioto the bail. 80 I could have goy,E
ed myself accordingly ?
Then she came 10 the door with q
lamp, and / succeeded in getting NY
self untangled from that baby car.
rAge, which presented the appear
ance OF having been kicked by D
Georgia mule.
l stepped into my room with a
weary, bruised feeling. and laid nv
band on the back OF big rocker.
Don't touch thst-it is vanished q.
30 | discover. said ], as 1 pulled
my Fingers from il.
L went over TO another chair, and
was preparing To sit down.
Don't sit there-il Is vanished
l made dive for another chair,
was stopped--varnish
Inc clock was ticking very lazily,
and ! knew 1t wanted winding. When
| endeavored 70 take my hands from
II, IT came With them. Ny anaep
had again stuck--in varnishl
] was becoming desperate.
NY next move was TO try a trunk
l dared not risk any more chairs.
look seat before she could interfere,
tbs time, and ruined a new pair Of
0reeches 10y the operatiou-the trunk