Morning journal and courier., 1891-08-13
PLAY.

She-Do you play tennisl He-No; I played Tenny. That's enough for me- =
 Eocene.-Madge-Thi summer resort re- minds me of what the professor said of the primary geological formations. Evelyn How's that, dear? Madge-It contains no trace of man.-Life.
 "Papa," said Willie, as the base drum went by, "that man ain't as strong as he looks, is he" "I don't know. Why" "He doesn't seem to be able to break the box open."-Harpers Bazar.
 Anxious to know.-''Now, you never smell the odor of liquor on my breath, D said the young clergymen, expostulating with Staggers for his bibulous propensi- ties. "No; what do you do for it?" asked Staggers with deep interest. The Epoch.
 Squeers dying)-And Bottleton, old chap, want you to-I want you to act as head pallbearer at my funeral, will you, Bottleton?
 Bottlelon-Why, certainly. Squeers, old man. I'll be delighted to.-Epoch. Featherstone-I am utterly worn out with sleeping baby.
 Ringway-How could a sleeping baby wear you out!
 Featherstone-I knew it's mother- Brooklyn Life.
 Miss Balfour, sister of Secretary Bal four, has published an account of her re- cent experiences in the distressed districts in Ireland where relief works have been carried on. She says that one peasant told her that eff it hadn't been for the famine, we'd all have been starving. Speeches to be Lived Down-if Possible Sympathetic Lady Guest-Don't be un happy about the rain, dear Mrs. Bounder son; it will soon be over, and your garder will be lovelier than ever! Little Mrs Goldmore Bounderson (who is giving he1 ! first garden party)-Yes, but Pm afraid ii will keep my most desirable guests from coming. ."-Punch.
 Misdirected Service-A New York cler l gyman, meeting one of his female parish toners in deep black, tried to console her b. ! saying: "You have no idea how I regre l to see you wearing those sad habiliment 1 of woe." "You can't be as sad about it a I am," responded the widow. 'I lool | worse in black than in any other color It makes me look like a fright. ."-Texa: Siftings.
 Little Daughter-Oh, mamma, didn' you say Dick mustn't go with that neigh bor's boy?
 Mamma-Indeed I did.
 "Well, he's with him behind the barr
 smoking cigarettes"
 "Horrors. Is that dirty faced boy teach ing Dick to smoke cigarettes?"
 "No'm. Dicks teaching him. ."-Stree
 & Smiths Good News.
 Tangle-Ive struck an idea that vii
 save millions of dollars to this countr.
 every year.
 Brown-Indeed What is it,
 Tangle-You know the last two inche
 of 0 cigar have to be thrown away, becaus
 you can't smoke them. We'll, Pm going
 take out a patent on a cigar that won
 it just two inches shorter than usual
 Simple, isn't itl-Munsey's Weekly. One Sunday morning some years since
 ton Common was reprimanded by police
 man because he suffered his dog to ente
 the water.
 "There," said the policeman, "don
 you see that sign Dogs not allowed in th
 water Sunday'?"
 "Yes," replied the gentleman calml, "but that dog of mine is alarmed illits
 ate fellow; he can't read" l A New Jersey man who had caught
 boatload of fish a day or two ago was jul ready to pull for the shore when he fe overheard and was drowned. The bos remained right side up, and the fish wei , saved to his family. So it goes. Let 7 man really catch a lot of fish and begi congratulating himself that he won't ha, to lie about it, and something is prett sure to happen to him. These sad lesson l ought to teach us not to strive again . natural laws.-Detroit Free Press. 0 l "Who can tell me the chief use of bread?'' Asked a teacher of the oral claSS 2 Quick up popped a tousled curly head, And up spoke little black-eyed lass
 | Much astonished any one should ask
 ! That which could be answered with such ease | Surely it were but an easy task! Its to spread the jam on if you please!' n Little Men and Women