Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-07-12

50
Went Down Ny Sleeus.
of large moneyed interests, and the other
was that he would rather lecture all winter
at his present prices than to deliver ten free
speeches per day out Of the tailgate of a
sleeping car and then get up three times in
the night In suit of pajamas to inquire the
name of the station and then make ten
minutes cyclopedia speech on its resources.
The audience agreed after the address to use
influence toward seeing that the speakers
name was not brought up before the con-
vention.
Dissertation on Hornets.
After the address the Mayor of Skyland,
who owns the sugar bush in which the
opera house stands, opened fresh case of
Brent's Justly celebrated water crackers,
together with new Chalybiate spring that
tasted like the basement of wholesale
hardware store after the big fire in Chicago.
After this came a spirited two-old-cat
tournament in the afternoon and a basket
picnic, during which the little child of the
audience, BY his first wife, discovered the
deserted nest of one of the celebrated Little
Mammoth Black Hornets OF Tennessee.
This insect is called in the South the
Typhoid Touch-me-not of the Tropics, and
wears platinum stinger, with an alcohol
lamp for same, all the time.
The black hornet is now said by writer
on war topics, whose article was returned to
him by some of our leading magazines, to
have been the cause of the mastery forced
march from Bull Run to Washington. The
black hornet has broken up eight district
schools in Tennessee, and if the Colored Zion
NJ. E. Church at EasL Conquest is barred out
of paradise by the committee on credentials
IL, L l. l. hot hr,iIS hic in he
hot air register during the summer will be
to blame for it. Let others admire the deli
cate texture of the black hornets deserted
home, but blowing down the barrel of de-
serted shotgun is good enough for me. More
over, I will look Just as well on the follow
ing day and suffer less.
How the Victim Was Cured.
We buried the little youngster in the
cool, yellow mud down at the branch-sll
but his head, and it we poulticed with wet
plug tobacco and ammonia-till toward
evening, when he could bear to have his
fathers hat on and go home. He did not
see my fireworks. He had to worry along
with those he had stirred up in the clinker
built household of the black hornet.
We opened the evening with song.
sang a selection from "Il Trovatore," ac-
companying myself on the xylophone, that
L
then touched off bunch of frecrackers in
order to seat the audience and then let off a
Roman candle, the breechpin of which blew
out, sending eight beautiful variegated balls
up my sleeves.
/ then sang a song entitled, "Sparkling
and bright in its liquid light is the water in
our glasses Twill give you health, twill
give You wealth, ye lads and rosy lasses."
After this came mine which the catalogue
said would spout gold and silver showers,
interspersed with red, blue, yellow and
green meteors. This mine was a non-divi-
dend declaring mine, like one that partly
owned in Wyoming. 1t acted as it might if
it had got wet in some way, so we dried 1t
out near the stove. 1t did not look so well
when it went off as it would if it had been
at night, but it lit up the little plain kitch-
en- and made it look almost like fairy
palace.
How tho Rockets Behaved.
1 got a war-scarred veteran to let of the
rockets. He was used to scenes of carnage,
having been a veterinary surgeon in cav
airy regiment. He let off one of my big
rockets first. He said it would be best to
stick the stick in the ground, and after it
got to burning it would flee as a bird to its
mountains, or words to that effect.
He stuck it in the ground too far. It
pulled and swung round the circle, now and
then knocking out the eye of a Northern
invalid with hot ball, then it gave a
scream that sounded almost human, and
buried itself in the corset of colored nurse
from Savannah who cannot read or write,
but who got me to write her relations there
and tell them that race prejudice, she
thought, had nothing to do with it.
We then had some more Roman candles
I can readily see that the Romans as a
people could not have enjoyed reading
much by candlelight if these things sput-
tered then as they do now, and can see
why the Roman nation thus got behind and
lost their power. The Greeks. also, were
not practical Who could enjoy an even
ing clustered about Greek ireside7
But enoughl The summer is passing
most delightfully."- here, with cool, restful
and beautiful nights, devoid Of mosquitoes
or straw rides. Choice lots may still be
had in Western North Carolina with a view
of Pisgah and General Clingerman at mod
crate prices. The climate here is the best
I have ever subsisted on and the wagon
roads are still passable for pedestrians on
stills. Nature did everything she could
for this beautiful country, with the under
standing that man should keep the roads in
repair. BILL NYE.