Morning journal and courier., 1891-09-04
PESSIMISTlC.

'Just see how fondly that man kisses his wife good bye," said the optomist. ''There is no sham demonstration there." "Oh, that is because she is going away" said the pessimist.
 Mother (horrifed)-What did you let that young Snipkins kiss you for! Daugh- ter (meekly)-For only two minutes. mamma, and then told him it was time to stop.-New York Mercury.
 ''It was fierce engagement" said the colonel (Which one?" said the major. "My wife's and mine," answered the colonel, "but it wasn't circumstance to our married life."-Town Topics.
 "I believe you are carpenter" she said to the new boarder. 'I am," he replied meekly. "Well," she continued, "then I I suppose you can be trusted to plank down your board money."-St. Paul Globe.
 Traveler-Which is the shortest, quick est and best route to the west?
 Ticket Agent don't know sir.
 'Have you no opinion on the subjectT
 "None at all They all pay the same commission ow."-New York Weekly.
 Wife-How did you come to get your flannel suit so stained?
 Husband-I foolishly sat down on the grass in it.
 Wife-Dear me! It's almost as bad as if Life.
 have the cholera? asked Johnny Squildig. "Of course not" replied his papa; "what an absurd question:" ''Then what kind of a disease is cholera in phsntoma" asked Johnny. with triumphant air.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
 A New Peculiarity.-The new minister was from the city and he was trying to make friends with the farmers COWS. Said he: "They don't seem to like me-" "That's strange" replied the farmer; 'I never yet saw cattle that did not like green pastor" -Pittsburg Chronicle.
 Miss Passee-Don't you think that this talk about seaside engagements is all non sense, MT. Youngnoodlea
 MT. Youngnoodle-Aw, do you think sol
 Miss Passee-Yes. Johnny, dear, (to her young brother), please stop that noise.
 Johnny-rm only playin' wid yer bag of engagement rings.-Jewellers' Circular.
 Juvenile Precaution-Anxious mother What in the world did you do during that terrible thunderstorm
 Little Dick-I got under tree.
 Anxious mother-Horrors! Don't you know tree is the most dangerous place in thunderstorms
 Little Dick-Oh, I jumped out every time it thundered. & Smiths Good News.
 A young man was showing lady some parasols. As he picked up one from the counter and opened it he struck an atti tude of admiration, and, holding it up SC the best light would be had. said: 'Now there, isn't it lovely? Look at the silk Particularly observe the quality, the finish the general effect. Feel it-pass youl hand over it. Isn't it beautys" "Yes, | said the lady, stuffing her pocket handker | chief into her mouth, "yes, that's my olt | one; just laid it down. ."-Alton Star. Little Edith had the habit of eating ou the soft part of her bread and tucking tn, | crust under her plate. Her mother hat frequently reproved her for the reprehen sible practice, but it appeared to have nt lasting effect The other evening Editl was detected at her old trick. Said he mother: "Edith, how often have tolt | you about leaving your crustsa Ther' may come day when you'll be glad to ge them" 'Yes, mamma" replied Edith with demure, whimsical countenance "that's what Pm saving 'em for. r."-Bostol | Transcript.