The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-05-26
CROSS-CuTS.

fIATlu HAS no Otue Joy hAc "a'o :" ~
the woman who has made eighteen calls
and found everybody ont.-Elmira Gazette.
Miss Plaiueye-How tenderly Mr..
Thoughtful cares for his wife. Miss Caus-
tiaue-Yes; it would be terrible if she were
to die before she inherited her fathers for
tune. wouldn't it?-Munsey's Weekly.
City Maiden Ga summer boarder)-How
sayacely that COW looks at me. FARMER
H~ayseed-It's your red parasol, mum. City
Maiden-Dear me! l knew it was a little
out of fashion, but I didn't suppose a
country COW would notice it.-New York
Weekly.
Wife-Did you change your dress pattern
and blow the man up for the mistake!
Husband-I had it changed, but the clerk
declared that he knew you were wrong.
Wife-Well, what did you do abont it!
Husband (grimly)-Shook hands with him.
Cloak Review.
She spent five minutes at Il Tenth street
druggists directory, and then sweetly pur-
chased a two-cent stamp, remarking: II
don't need it at present, but when persons
use a directory l think they ought to buy
something, however NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Record.
Sir" said one visitor to another at a re-
cent swell wedding reception, where the
walters wore clothes of the same cut as the
guests, ''why do you stand there iinRling
YOUR pockets at me?'' Excuse me-" said
the other, "but l wanted to see whether you
were a waiter or a st."-Philadelphia
Record.
She asked for a French novel and the
bookstore man gave her a soiled copy of a
translation.
81 don't want this" she said, handing it
it back. Il want a nice clean copy IN
French"
The clerk blushed.
"It isn't tina kind of q novel. Miss he
stammered, and the young woman walked
out.-WashinRton Star.
Friend-So yours was a case of love at
first sight? Mrs. Getthere-Yes, indeed. l
fell desperately in love with my dear hus-
band the moment l set eyes upon him. l
remember it as distinctly as if it were yes
terday. was walking with papa on the
beach at Long Branch, when suddenly papa
stopped and, pointing him out, said,
There, my dear, is a man worth ten mil
lions."-New York Weekly.
Teddy was carefully trained and all little
slips in grammar we're daily welded out OF
his conversation. Upon one occasion he
was sent across the street to the village
store on an GRAND. As he entered the pro-
prietor p~layfully addressed him with: "Well,
my little man, amt you out rather early
this morniug?' In a deliberate way pecu-
liar tn him. and with all the dignity of his
four years, Teddy vouchsafed the reply:
90 Amt is an improper contraction, Mister
Parker"
GLOW can you afford to sell those little
tubular dime savings banks for almost
nothing?" asked the inquisitive man of the
proprietor of a big retail establishment.
"We do lose on the immediate SALE" was
the reply, 'but a few of those banks will
dull more pocketknives, twist more forks
out of shape, break more hairpins, and do a
larger amount of general damage around a
house thar anything else | know of. They
are regular mascots for business. Wash
ington Post.
The following dialogue took place be-
tween two old colored people On the street:
"Atlanta's got rapid transit now, sure.'
'What do you mean-de dummy kyars?"
mo, | doesn't mean no dummy" You
mus be talkin' bout de ~'lectric line. den."
mo, l isn't, neither" "Well, I gives it up;
what YOU talkin' 'bout?" Pm talkin'
bout dat paytrol Vaughn, cause it takes
you furder in ten minits dan you'll get
hack from in six months. Atlanta Jour