The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1891-07-01

"Are you the man who removes facial blem-
ishes?"
81 am, SIR"
"Well, then, remove about third OF this nose.'
suffered from acute Inflammation in my
nose and head-for week at a time could not
see. used Ely's Cream Balm and In few DAYS
was cured 1t is wonderful how quick it helped
me,-Mrs George S. Judson, Hartford, Conn.
Excuse me, sir, but haven't we met tefore?
Your face is strangely familiar"
"Yes, madam. our host introduced us just be.
fore dinner"
"Ah, was positive had seen you somewhere.
never forget face."-BroOklyn Life.
"Had your vacation?" No. swell don't for.
get to take along Johnson's Anodyne LIniment.
Uncle James-What! smoking again, Tommy?
Don't you know that no smoker ever grows very
tall?
Tommy-They don't, Ell? Well, Just look at
that chimney. 1t smokes like sixty, and papa has
lust had It made six feet taler.-Munsey's
Weekly.
Gentlemen who retain youthful appearance
preserve their hair with Ayers Hair Vigor.
Wife-The flour Is outI
Husband-So is my money.
Wife-The coal is gone.
Husband-So is my credit
Wife-Well, we can't starve.
Husband Can't we? That Is good. / was
AFRAID we shoud.-Exchange.
Not one In twenty are free from some
little ailment caused by inaction OF the liver
Use Carter's Little Liver Pills. The result will
be pleasant surprise. They give positive re-
lief.
Honeym0oning in Italy.
Fair American Brlde-Oh, joint Tothlnk that
perhaps Virginius stabbed his daughter on this
very spot, and that Just over there Tullla drove
over her poor fathers dead bodyi
John-Ah-very sad-very sad indeed! But
say, Matilda, guess we'd better let bygOnes be
bygones. And now let's go and have a1ook at
the new post office.-LondOn Punch.
Baby cried.
Mother sighed,
Doctor prescribed: Castorrat
The Ruling Passion.
Foreman of the jury Guilty of murder in the
first degreei
Judge-Prisoner at the bar, stand up to receive
the sentence of the Court.
The Prisoner (who poisoned her husband. I'm
2 minute, Judge. Jennie Ito ner ister), Is my
nat ON stratght?-Life.
To invigorate and beautify the hair, use Halls
Vegetable Sicilian Hair Remover.
II tell you. Bill, said Smoky Mike, the burglar
we hard-workin' thieves don't make half as much
money out o. the business as them dude bank
presidents and Pennsylvania officials"
THAT'S So Smoke" returned Bill. "An that
Just shows the value OF eddication, which has
frequently remai ked PUCK.
To be free from sick headache, bill
lousness, constipation, etc., use Carter's Little
Liver Pills. Strictly vegetable They gently
stimulate the liver and free the stomach from
bile.
"Who was Peter?" asked a Texas Sunday
school teacher.
"Peter was brick"
"Why, Johnny, Pm surprised at you?"
st says so In the Bible, anyhow / read 1t the
other day. 1t says, Thou art Peter, and upo n
this brick I'll build my church,"
Rock Johnny, rock, not brick"
material."-Texas Siftings.
wonderful cures by Ayers Sarsaparia in
every part OF the land Write or names.
Teacher-What are the names OF the seven days
of the week?
Boy-Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday.
THAT'S only six days, You have missed one.
When does your mother 60 to church?"
a naxv hot
ings.