The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-12-25
SWEARING-OFF TIME
What a Local Humorist Suggests
as a Panacea.
HIS ASSAY OF THE KELLEY CURE
The Mining Situation in Which There are
Few Situations to be Had
Society as He Sees 1t.
THE KELLEY CuRF.

The KELLEY CURE.
The swearing-off time is near at hand
and, as is my wont, l take my pen in hand
to let those who properly observe the dav
every Time 1t comes around be adyis ed
thereunto. Not that any one is likely to
pegln tapering off just now, not at all; the
rule Is to slide right along in the same old
ruts I'LL the Hateful day arrives. and then
chop 1t of squarely and abruptly. There
are decided advantages in this kind of
thing, among them being due observance
OF Inc tlme-honored rule of the day for the
evll being early enough for it; and then it
Is not recorded that any one who
ever adopted the wedge shaped system
of quitting made success of 1.-THE wedge
usually gets wrong end to and remains
SO I'LL the following New Years day. DR..
heeley-the jagdestroyer, not the man of
motors that mote not when watched-says
nlne-tenths of his money comes from VIC
tims OF the three cornered habit of quit
tlng on the above date, and no doubt he
Celis the truth as to that, though think he
makes the angel of veracity take short
breaths and open her eyes real wide when
Ne ascrlbes his triumphs to bichloride of
golu a friend OF mine who was cured at
the now famous resort of Dwight. Ill. bv
heeley's system, got some of the mixture
which the doctor socks into the systems of
MS patients and let me have few drops of
lt-not to take, of course, for l DON'T
need III, but just to show around NV ex- |
perlence as mining man and the
consequent free-hand assaying l have re-
sorted TO at tunes have given me q sort of |
familiarity with the method of separating
atomic qualities, and determine to make |
thorough test of the little vial of lam
lostler. went after gold or other pre-
clous metals (by the force of habit) first. |
and the habit remained consistent aud un- |
varying, the result of the first round being:
Gold. 3
Silver r
Leau -----....--- =
Copper a
SuIphnr
If there is no gold in the truck, how can
there be any chloride, let alone bi-chloride |
OF it, Thus reinforced, | determined TO 90 |
after general results; that is. having fonnd |
out what there was not would find out
what there was. Taking the iron ladle
out OF which SO much molten wealth in |
miniature has been produced, and getting
together the necessary chemicals salt |
Sanpete flour, vinegar, Cheyenne pepper.
Deep Creek K. Z. gas, third preparation of |
looella, sweet Oil and some genuine Ameri- |
can TIM, soon succeeded in developing the
following assay Of constituent elements:
Hydrochlorate OF Sunfiower
manganese de mandamuss. .-.. 80. *
Oxide of omniyorous osI .s
AntlhootSnake 1874
illuminate OF frumentl 9Iye
Dudalescence of maShWeed O0s
some other microscopic elements l.
One would think that such gathering of
strange, not to say homogeneous elements. |
would be likely TO be more noxious than |
hr1f ~ Y :.
say; having shown 1t up fully, nv dutv in |
the premises is done and the reader can |
form his own conclusions. If l were to |
venture suggestion at all at this iunoture |
1t would be that perhaps the cures of |
dlpsomanlR are effected in the same mar
ner that Group was cured by a backwoods
doctor out in Missouri, where the sub |
scrioer halls from. Group" said he, sis
more know how to handle; it knock.
the stuf1n' right out o. me, and Eve tried !
everything good from poultices Of slippery |
ellum bark peeled upwards to black cat |
SKIN killed IN the full of the moon. but II |
don't dc no good. The way handl il is to
give the patient some medicine that
throws II into hts. and Pm Just
above analysed throws the victim ,nto
commissions, and good CONFUSION doctor
does the rest e'0i
u.
The mining situation during the wear has
oeen quite promising, that is, more situa-
tons have been promised than obtoinaS
My own property in,Sanpete district ia stiii
there, or was the last time l visited II
Holdups hereabout will please take notice
mat 90 not carry it or any considerahla
portlon OF II, around with me- The stoclr
has lately been watered, because of there
oelng no ROOF or other safeguard over the
smart ana the SHOWS and rains having de-
posted about $50 miners inches Of tho,
fluid in it When my intimate aconoin,
ance, Jay Gould, has his stock watered II
means that his resources have again COW,
mencec sweating wealth at every pore. IN
the case OF our company, the only thing
tnat was produced was some remarks hg
the foreman when he looked at the unbiG,
ueD nood, out as these remarks were not
!. pIa5 efi9d nor even Instructive, l will omit
them. Elsewhere all seems prosperous
1t was recently reported by fresh or
rlVa! that some ore had been found at
Deep Greek that went less than sl00 ooo
ton. Dut this was not given credence to.
certainly, nothing so discouragipg as that
could be believed hsresbout, and we will
not oeneve 1t until confronted with the
corps dc ballet truth. This seems To mo
slight Improvement on naked truth ~
Also heard that Sam ellison had Dpp Aze1
TO the heart of the mountain ON wb,cS :
MS claim is situated, and, strange to saw.
the mountain still lives w,
couldn't monkey with most peoples, hearts
n that way without seriously imnairins !
heir constitutions and articles OF acres
nent. But Mayor mean Mr.-Gilson is
always doing something different fron 10
what others do, and 1 shouldn't he snrl
1rlsed II he had struck it rich and ba6 tba
biggest thing out of DOORS The original;tv
IF the concluding portion of the foregoing
sentence will commend itself In tbs
thoughtful reader. ~ 'ne
The Yuba Dam shipped s'teen tons NJ
Of I've last week WIS VI
me shaft OF the Yellow Dog is now Cow ,
'ral feet nearer prospective punishm se
han it was before work was beppn
A big strike was MADE in the Ho,,o1,,
9quaw on Tuesday of last month
3lll Scroggins, while at worlr a.,
ne tunnel with Tom Blizzard missad :
lis aim and struck Tom o ;
ne head, completely demolishinr the ban n !.
nef ana making suspension of VOL, =
necessary until new one (hammer) conld .
'e brought from town. oouio
BLANKET mortgage was placed nm Nh. I
9ary Ann few days ago. AS it wase =
utter cold day, she didn't complain
EWH nall