Arizona republican., 1891-07-26


 mounted the platform. Not many of such hearers were present, but that was enough to poison saw their judgment of my effort in their faces weakly al lowed those faces, and the opinions deemed shadowed forth on them, to para lyze, psychologists and conquer me. l allowed my eyes. numberless times, to wander and meet their stony, cynical gaze, and at each time the basilisk orbs withered up my self assertion and self esteem. Becoming more and more de- moralized, sometimes cowardly omitted or forgot what l deemed my boldest matter and best hits. However, the large majority of the audience being kindly disposed toward me, heard, applauded and pronounced the lecture success"
 Some ventured, when it was over, to advise me that the subject matter was much better than the manner of its de- livery. Of that there was not the least doubt. In speaking l had concentrated matter enough for two hours proper de- livery into one, and part of the mental strain and anxiety during the lecture was to race my words so as to finish within the limits of an hour on time. l feared wearying the audience, and so took one of the best methods of doing SO. The next day self esteem going up to fever heat, and my comparative failure not being so bad as the one 1 had antici- pated when my estimates of myself were at zero, determined on pressing my newly found vocation and starring" Tuolumne county. Carried by this tran sient gleam of self conceit beyond the bounds of good judgment, and over whelmed with another torrent of com position, wrote still another lecture, and advertised that. The curiosity, complais- ance and good nature of my friends l mistook for admiration. Indeed, during the fever, planned a course, or rather a constant succession of lectures, which might, if unchecked, have extended to the present time. But on the second at- tempt talked largely to empty benches a character of audience have since be- come accustomed to, and with whom I am on terms of that friendship and sym pathy only begotten of long acquaint- ance The benches were relieved here and there by discouraged looking nearer who had come in on free ticket, and who, felt, wanted to get out again as quickly as possible. Then knew that my friends did not care to hear me any more. This was bitter, but necessary and useful.
 1 next gave the lecture at Columbia. Columbia, though but four miles dis tant, was then the rival of Sonora as the metropolis of Tuolumne county, and it was necessary to secure Columbian in- dorsement before attempting to star it through the provincial cities of Jimtown, Chinese Camp, Don Pedro's and Pine Log billed Columbia, hired the thea ter for $2.50, and, after my effort, had the satisfaction of hearing from friend that the appreciative and critical mag mates of the town had concluded to vote mea success" Then I spoke at James town, Coulterville, Mariposa, Snelling's and other places with very moderate success.
 Perhaps l might have arisen to greater distinction or notoriety than that real ized on the Tuolumne field had better known that talent of any sort must be handled by it's possessor with certain dignity to insure respect. Now, tray eled from town to town on foot. l was met, dusty and perspiring, tramping on the road, by people who knew me as the newly arisen local lecturer. l should have travelled in carriage. I posted my own bills l should have employed the local bill sticker. I lectured for ten cents per head when should have charged fifty. Sometimes l dispensed with an admittance fee altogether and took up contributions. In Coulterville the trouser buttons of Coultervilians came back in the hat mixed with dimes. Looking back now on that experience, l can sincerely say to such as may follow me in any modification of such career, "Never hold yourself cheap If you put good picture in a poor frame it is only the few who will recognize its merit.
 Once in New York I spoke to a fair audience in hall on the ground floor. Things went on beautifully till o'clock, when big brass band struck up in the bigger hall over my head and some fifty couples commenced waltzing. It was an earthquake reversed. It ruined me for the night.
 On another fearful occasion I was speaking at Bridgehampton, Long Island, on the subject of temperance. Ilectured on temperance occasionally, though l never professed teetotalism--for any length of time. One can lecture on tenn perance just as well without being total abstainer-and perhaps better. Now, l was born, and they attempted to bring ma up properly, near Bridgehampton. Every one knew me and my ancestors, immediate and remote. Ihad not spoken over ten minutes when man well known in the neighborhood and much moved by the whisky he had been drinking all day, arose and propounded some not very intelhgible queries. answered him as we'll as could. Then he put more. Nay, he took possession of the meeting. No one ventured to silence him.
 They are a very quiet, orderly people in Bridgehampton. Such an interrup. ton of a meeting had never before been heard of there, and the people seemed totally unable to cope with the emer- gency. The wretch delivered himself of a great variety of remarks, but ever and anon recurred to the assertion that "he'd vouch for my character, because