The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-12-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.i

Benjamin franklin was the original
lightning calculator.
Crops that grow by the electric light
Wild oats.-Boston Journal.
"Ask popper," said the re.cracker
fuse when match was suggested.
That money talks don't deny;
To me it always says, "Good.by!"
Puck.
1t is odd enough that burglars take
such risks in a safe opening g.-BIltimore
American.
The head waiter reminds one of mat
rimony. He is high menial, it will be
remembered.
A stingy man can be relied upon to
keep everything but his PROMISE
Elmira Gazette.
"Capital punishment" as the boy said
when the school mistress seated him with
the girls.-Bazar.
A man finds the poorest companion
ship when he ''entertains a suspicion"
Washington Star.
Your friends may not know much, but
they know what they would do if they
we're in your place. Globe.
Stranger (brightly) - "Fine dayp
Chronic Grumbler-" Ye-es-locally--
probably raining somewhere. ."--Puck."
Now is the time when the small boy
Of the family is caught poaching on his
mothers preserves.-BaltiHaore Ameri-
can.
All animals have their good points,
but for abundance Of the same none can
compete with the porcupne. Teras
Sytings.
1t isn't so much that a man objects to
pay the debt of nature; it is nature of
the debt that trouble him. Boston
Transcript.
The peacock may not be inclined to
gossip, but he loves to spread a highly
colored tale about the neighborhood.-
ELmird Gazette.
A man can always keep himself in
good credit so long as he doesn't ask
for it. Paste this in your hat and dodge
the fatal request.-Puck.
"If l were only in politics." mused
the car-horse as he started up the hill,
"what a lot could do with the pull
have Baltimore american.
81 don't look like very formidable
fellow" soliloquized the houest milk
dealer; "and yet I've made lots of
bigger men take water. Life.
Blinkers-"Hello, Winkers. l hear
YOU married a woman with an independ-
ent fortune" Winkers-"No-o; mar
ried a fortune with an independent
woman.
Mudge-'T hear that Trimmings girl
has induced him to give up his cigars"
Yabsley-'H'mhl That's more than any
of the boys could do.'AIadiaHdPolis
Journal.
People who are constantly saying
"what is due to society" often forget al
together what is due to themselves, to
say nothing of what is due to the hatcher
aud baker.
"Sir," said the tailor, "my suits talk
for me-" "But, my dear sir" expostu-
lated the customer, "can you expect me
to believe statements made out of the
whole cloth. "-Baltim0re 1mericta.
He-"YoI say you love me, but can
not be my wife. Is it because lam poorf
There are better things in this world than
money" She-"Quite true, but il takes
money to buy them. "-Bost2H Budget
THE BALD MAN REJoIcEs.
love the crisp, cool autumn days,
They I'LL my soul VITA glee,
For then in peace l go my ways
With not tly ON me.
Olduu-"R Remember, my son, to al
ways keep your expenses within your iu-
| come" Young -un-"Got a better plan
than that propose bringing my in-
come up to my expenses. '--iadtanaP0l's
! JOurRa..
'Dinguss is man of expensive
habits, is he not, Shadboltt' "Yes.
! Dngdss's habits siuce l have been ac-
Quainted with him have cost me Sl56,
without counting a cent for interest. -
CAlet9o Tribune.
He-'I wish you would sing that deae
old song, Backward, Turn Backward,
O Time, in Thy Flight Sweet Girl
81 might wake mother up by slngipg;
but will turn the clock back If thai will
do.'-Ae0 York Press.
"Does his insanity assume a violent
form.' inquired the physician. "No,
sir, responded the relative ia charge of
the unfortunate man, "but he's always
helping himself 20 a handful OF some
thing or other whenever he pAsies pea
nut stand lie imagiues hes police
mau. '-C Chicaq9 Tribune,