The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-09-19
Bon Mots Uttered in the Field by
Victor Emmanuel and Fred
srick the Great
Ordering q Company to "Olose UP"
So the Enemy Might Have
Something to Shoot.
Firing at the Crisis-Highland "yolun-
tcers" who Were All Safe, Being
Tied Up In a Barn.

amples, and the pun made by Victor En-
manuel, at the time king Of Sardinia, is
case in point. During the war Of 1S5'
against the Austrians, he led the attack o
the Austrian position at San MARITIME. Hi
soldiers were repulsed. When rallyin
them he cried out in stentorian tone!
Comrades, we must either take San Mar
tino or make San Martina"
If it 10 explained that to ''make San Mar
tlno" ID an Italian equivalent for that moo
turnal operation greatly favored by impe
~cunious tenants, and known in England Al
shooting the moon," or decampinR from
ones lodgings, the sly hint as to defeat en-
failing a change of quarters on his oom-
mand will be understood.
Another royal soldler-Frederlck H.
could not resist the temptation to joke ever
Mt the hour his position looked most des.
perate. II was during the great crisis of
the Seven Years. war that one of the men
deserted, and. having been taken, was
brought before him.
why did You wish to leave me?" asked
the king.
because. sir" replied the soldier. "vour
affairs are in such a bad condition that ]
thought it was high time to abandon you"
"Well," said Frederick, quietly. ''remain
till after the battle tomorrow, and, if they
are not better, we will desert together
Their ready wit has often saved mems
lives, but we question if it was ever more
~cleysrly called into clay than in the follow
ing instance: Four soldiers of the emperor
Joseph II. having been convicted of the
crime of desertion, were condemned to
throw dice to determine which of them
should be executed. Three of them made
no objection, but the fourth refused. Asked
his reason, he replied: sit is against my
emperor's own orders. He has strictly for
hidden his soldiers to play at any game of
chance"
The emperor, having been informed of
the mans quaint excuse at so critical a
moment, instantly ordered that he, AS we'll
as his companions, should be pardoned.
Tbs vein Of humor possessed by most
Americans was continually illustrated dur
ing the rebellion, and an extremely funny
story is told OF a certain union captain.
just before the union troops entered Gin
cinnati an Indiana regiment, worn out by u
long march on a sultry day. struggled along
with but little regard for order. Hurrying
up to his men the captain shouted: "Close
up, close up. If the enemy were to fire
when you're struggling along that way they
. Wv y Ouo6VA OAO " yOA OlO60 0Ds'
The ranks closed up Immediately.
Gen. Lee, Of the revolution, who had a
supreme contempt for anything approach
ing afectation, once administered what may
in reality be termed a Cutting" rebuke for
suoh to ono of his command. Finding one
was a handsome and dressy man, arranging
his cravat complacsntly before a glass,
Cutting" said Lee, you must be the hap
piest man in creation"
why, seneral?" asked the surgeon.
"Why?" replied Lee, because your are in
love with yourself, and have not q rival on
earth"
The general, however, sometimes met with
an adversary enjoying a wit as keen and
dry as his own; notably in the following
in%stance:
When a I prisoner at Albany he dined at
the house of an Irish gentleman. Before
commencing the after-dinner pastime of
wine-drinking the general said to his host
that he hoped he would excuse a fault of I
his after drinking, which he was sorry to
say was a tendency to abuse Ireland VI
lrishmen.
by all MEANS" replied the other dryly,
II will excuse your fault, but l must also
beg Of you to excuse q parallel defect in
myself. Whenever I hear a man abusing
my country / have a trick of cracking his
head with my shi1lalah."
Tho general drank bis wine. but never
said a word about Ireland that evening.
An amusing anecdote is related concern
ing a certain pompous captain during one
OF the battles on the Mississippi. His COM
pany was advancing toward ths scene OF
conflict when the confederate general, Pill
low, who was we'll acquainted with his sub
ordlnase's weakness fer riding the high
horse, called out in a very solemn manner;
Captain, fire! the crisis has come.'' Coolly
turning to his men, who were standing with
their guns shotted and primed, he simoly
cried "Fire"!' The men were naturally sur
prissd at the order, there being no object
within range, and ar old gray-headed Irish
sergeant stepped up with "Plaze, yer honor.
what shall We fire at?"
Fire at the %crisis,'' said the captain,
Didn't you hear the general say it had
come?''
AS is we'll known. American militia off
GERS do not rank very high, n sometimes
get rather broad hints of it to their very
faces. Cuff said one of these dienitaries
TO a negro at his side as he prepared to swal-
low his seventh tumbler; Cuff, you're a
good, honest fellow, and | like to com-
pliment q man volts led an honest life, even
something with me, Cuff"
well, captain" said Cuff, wiping his
mouth with his coat sleeve, 'I'se berry dry,
so ! won't BIO ugly bout it. Eome nIpQers
is too proud to drink with a millishy ossi-
fer. but / link a millishy ossifor-when he's
hoDri-is Jlb Ss ROou aS a nlgRer, especially
if de nigger's dry"
OF tina English army there are many cap
ital anecdotes on record, and not the least
amusing is one telling how in the eighteenth
century the government granted commits
sions to such Highland chiefs as raised a
certain number of men for the service. An
English officer, who had been sent into the
Highlands to receive recruits, inquired:
where are the volunteers?"
"All SAFE" was the reply; "they are tied
up in the barn."
The righteousness of this reply Utmost
equals that of a young officer who, with a
companion, had. after a mess dinner, very
much ridiculed their general. He sent for
them, and asked them if what was reported
to him was true. General said the de-
linquent, sit il; and we should have said
much more il our wine had not failed.'
An officer from the land of the shamrock
had the misfortune to be severely wounded
in an engagement In the American war, AS
he lay on the field an unfortunate near him.
who was also badly injured. gave vent to
his agony IN dreadful howls, which so irri-
tated tbs officer, who bore his own IN
silence, that he exclaimed: ''What do YOU
make such u noise for? Do you think nobody
Is killed but yourself?"