Daily Yellowstone journal., 1891-06-30

Bar Anuex-Iemperance' Hotels anu
Remote village Inns Alone Furnish
comfort and RePose.
Copyright. ISL, 81 Edgar l. Wakeman.l
LONDON. June 16-There are W. classes
Of inns in England and Scotland in which
thu guests find comfort One class com
prises the great hotels Of such cities as
LORdou, Liverpool, Glasgow and Edin-
burgh. which have become comfortable,
during The past quarter Of a century, in
proportion 70 their adoption Of American
hotel manners and improvements. The
other class is the humble and simple hotels
Of remote villages, Of almost unknown
dAles and gleus, Of bonnie old Scotch clach-
ans, and Of roseembowered English ham
lets, where one thanks God, if he have
come by design or accident, for the tender
repose and blessed rest 70 be found among
them.
There is another class. Its inns are the
hOstels the average traveller, commercial
or uncommercial, is compelled TO patron
lie, and which lay in wai- for the doomed
tourist from Lands End 20 John o'Groat's.
They are simply places - here one for a nee
essary period resigns himself to captivity,
surveillance and extor ION. The unfeigned
and tremendous surpr Sc and Indignation
evinced at protest 2 ainst either are ele
ments Of humor in : c situation, if those
may exist where Il re seems only oppor
tunity for downrigl- despair.
If you have com 70 the inn by carriage
and been mulcteC by the station porters
for bringing you baggage to the door, by
other porters who grab it n carry it TO
some other place, by other porters who
now seize it AMI deposit it near your car
rage, and by still other porters who assist
the scornful coachman in getting things
to rights and under way, or if you have
walked and carried a p-ortmsnteau or two,
and been haunted and tainted by street
pOrters and urchins for your Magazines
and efforts 20 destroy the customs Of the
country, you will find them ali there
these Shiny, slippery human te1tacles Of
the concrete British inn devilfsh-sepa-
rate and distinct notifications Of the life
blood sappings you will be called upon in
spirit and pocket to endure.
There is the landlord, riotous in obse-
q-uiousness; the landlady, beaming with
smiles, but measuring your capacity for
imposition with unerring accuracy; the
head waiter, a superior foreign being,
usually a GermAn-French adventurer in
tn1 dress, who performs all Offices with
Eurn. but now standing there with bland
permissibility in his face for your coming
trial; the porter and the second porter, who
grin at you this once TO ever after grind;
Boots" that sodden, grimy lave who
never sleeps and who is ever at war with
al other souls within the place; "but-
fnns," IN uniform as 20 clothing, but in
armament gloom as to face, save when
you arrive and be lights up with joy al
as misery he alone can cause you; a half
dozen odorous stAblemen, who each watch
their chance 70 leer and pull their forelocks
a you in effort to establish secret recognt
ton Of what you may expect if you do not
plAcate them; the barmaid, who knows,
you know, hat it is she alone who supplies
the awful voluminousness and minuteness
~ that inevitable bill. and who giggles and
Urates rs she sees POUR own writhing rec
ignition Of What Is to come and a number
u muscular cattle called chAmbermaids,
who in a trice have settled the name IN
which you shall be racked and wrecked
within the precincts Of the dank, clammy
deD 70 which you are certain 70 be con-
signed
In 4 moment the cold realism Of your
situation has come. You are inside a low,
dark, narrow hall, and alone. At one side
II the bar, an affair constructed like
an American railway station newsstand,
which is shut out from sight whenever tbe
barmaic wishes 70 yawn, the landlady de-
Gires TO abuse her Boniface, or your own
o~bjurgations become too numerous and de
cisive. Opposite is the Coffee Room" a
long, low, cherries place, with a long, low,
cherries table, spread with a cloth ever
decorated with misplaced matter.
If you have the good fortune 10 finally
get anything 20 eat in the place, you will
have to partake Of it with a blowsy tourist
possessing one sofa, a drunken guest snor-
ing upon another. a crowd Of drovers, Of
politicians or Of the constabulary or mill
tary, ~swigging ale or stout beside you,
and the whole room as blue as a channel
fog with :he smoke of tobacco. Directly
you are in the prisonlike hall. The head
waiter is gone; the porter has grabbed your
luggage and disappeared; boots and
buttons" have vanished; landlord, land
lady and barmaid have been swallowed up
In the inconceivable somewhere behind the
bar; stablemen and chambermaids are
whisked into u-ndiscoverable retreats.
Great, gloomy doors, black, moldy walls,
hard, ~forbidding ceilings alone confront
you.
You bang your knuckles against the
bar window. Landlord, landlady or bar
maid by and by appears, giving you a look
of panied surprise, and then disappears.
You call, "PCrterl" "Bootsr' "Buttonsl"
sChzmbermaidi' There is not even a re-
proving glance now in answer. You call
and bang some more. This time echo
alone reproves you. Cropping about the
place you snatch at q bellcord big as FOUR
wrist, with a tassel as big As your head.
This you tug al very violently. The clang
and clamor If the bell, which You cannot
locate, OH the whole place. The bar win
dow comes mp with a slam, goes down
with a slam, and an expression of disgust
and dlsmay Is caught escaping between
the slams. Then. peerug Mp from dark
stairway, Hl1 resril- out of lIicaly
openel doom. are seer i1-ea LI-l uI EtEa