The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-03-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

Two swallows don't make summer.
but two DRINKS often make a fall
Ier1s SJfiags.
Aman would do pretty poor fishing
if he used a book-worm for bait
Bingha,nt0n Republican.
A meerschaum mine has been dis
covered in Florida. They Will soon
begin TO lay pipes from it.-Boston
Irdcetier.
Mrs Dix-"Whv does Your husband
call YOU his good resolution'?" Mrs.
Hcks-.'He says am always 'broke."
-NunseyS Weekly.
New Clerk-',Are you customer of
ours, sir?" The Other-"Well. | should
say So Why. owe YOU over 5000. -
CiotIier and fh5njsier.
Il suppose its all profit in the drug
busineSs?n .All profit? Do YOU sup
pose we get fixtures and showcases for
nothing? -lhiladeIphia Times.
Kickshaw -' Il can't understand
Ghm's chronic bachelorhood Mrs.
Kickshaw-'. Neither do |. He surely
can't have inherited it."-Epoct.
please don't talk 10 me. I'm saw
ing my voice for the opera" Why.
are YOU TO sing?" No. I'm TO be in
one of the boxes. "-Huper's Bazar.
One of the most amusing and harm
less of distractions that man is heir 10
is the fancying what he would do if he
were somebody else. st. Joseph Ael0s.
Miss Hartly-.'Very, very sweet in
decd! is it your own arrangement"
The Professor - We'll - largely. /
scored the pcdaiing. "-Harper's BaSar.
George-"Chapley is one of those
fellows who have more money than
brains. isn't hep JeSsie-''Yes; and
he is not rich, either. "-Harper's Ba-
gar.
No matter how slight a citizens i'm
portance NAV be he feels when he gets
into street car filled with ladies' that
he is a man of standing.- Washington
Posi-
Every second you call to the
waitress. Another glass of beer!"
We'll, what else can | say to such a
stupid-looking woman?' - Ftegende
BtGtter.
Erown-"Are you sure this is good
sticking muciagc?" Stationer-''1ou
bet. Brown. Ever use it?" Station
er-"No; but Il bottle once broke in my
pocket. "-HarperS Bazar.
Goldbags Cooking out ut the tene-
ments) -''Alas! 1t must be very hard
| to be poor" Wentman-''On the con-
trary it's confoundedly easy to be
poor. n-Anaerican Grocer.
Florence-''The idea of saying YOU
were only 23r' Bessie-''You forgot
mamma told us that it was always bet
ter to undcrrate than to eXaggerate,
my dear. american Grocer.
Foreign Visitor-''D Does it cost much
70 live in New York;" Host-"No,
sir, it doesn't cost much to live in this
city. but i; costs like Sam Hill to keep
up appearances. ~. Y. Weekly.
american husbands, " observed the
! foreign visitor, suffer under the rule
| of contraries." The what?' chorused
a half-dozen victims. The rule of
their wives. Miwuukee Sentinel.
When woman falls in love you
| can't make her believe all men are
alike and when she has peen married
ten years you can't make her believe
| that they are n0t.-AtchiS0n Globe.
johnnie = What is an egotist,
| papa?' Papa 1t is person. my son,
who tells YOU about himself those
| things which you want to tell him
about yourself. y Washington Stur.
Pedagogue-"Can you give sent
ence Illustrating the difference be-
tween mind and matter?" Tommie-
"Yessir! When | don't mind. pretty
| soon they's suthin' tn matter!'-N Y.
| Herald.
Herr Deutcher Waiter! Cham
payne uud glasses" WATERBURY.
| sirp' Herr Deutcher-"Nein! Zwei.
! you blag rascal! You needn't fink
you in it vas! Donnerwetter!"- Yale
| Record.
Mrs. Bellows (to daughter Coral
why did you throw kisses at Mr..
Jimpson across the aisle at church to-
day." Cora (complacently) = Il
wasn't near enough to reach him. y
| n. Y. Herald.
Chappie-'What! Don't You remem-
Der Cholly9 1t was he who had tie
beautiful dog down ut the hotel last
/ summer" Maud-.'Ahl | remember
him now. What became of the dog?"
N. \. Heraid.
She-'I know he isn't a pedigreed
| dog, but no tramp or beggar can come
near the house without his letting us
| know it." He-''Whaf does he do?
Bark?" She, No; he crawls under the
sofa. - Brooklyn life.
Russet shoes and the killing sash will
not be fashionable next summer, but the
! dude need not be cast down. Some
| man milliner will invent a new way of
distinguishing the dude from the male
Minneapolis Tribune.
City Parson-"I have been appointed
missionary TO Tie heathen and
Chorus of Parishoners-,'You are not
going to leave us, are you?" City
Parson-',No; they told me to stay Just
Il would be willing to give half my
| fortune 20 know | was truly loved, ="
! said the heiress. You would? Why,
| I'll love you with the widest enthu
! sasm for only third of it," answered
Mudge.-Iadianap0iiS Journal.
Wickwire-' NUDGE it is shame for
you to be letting your days slip by as
YOU do. Time is money, you know
Mudge-"It isn't much money when it
! takes three months to amount to 8
quarter. '-Indiandpoit5 Journal.
Go away. You are drunk said
the citizen TO the beggar. Il amt
| nothin' of the kind" was the wrathful
reply. ''D you suppose I'd be out a
workir' on SIGH cold day as this if l
was COCA an drunk? indianapolis
J0urnai.
Landlord (suspiciously)-"You are
an actor, You say. What is your role?"
Boothby Ham, am playing the
heavy. sir. Perhaps YOU took me for a
supe?" Landlord-',No; from the size
of your wardrobe [ fancied You might
be doing Cleopatra. "-Judge.