The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1891-01-16
WIT AND HUMOR.


Marrying rich widows. like drink
ing liquor, Is often done solely for the
effects. - Texas Siftings.
A woman has been known 10 bend a
man's will during life aud break Ii
after his death. - Bissghussakon Leader
It takes good deal OF money to
keep rich mems sons going: but 1t
doesn't take them long to get there. =
Pick.
There's time for everything. TAX
lug OF your boots after you get in bed
indicates a high old time. = BllyhaDifos
Leader.
Hello. old mani Where did YOU
spring fromp On pleasure bent. |
suppose. mo. my boy. on pleasure
broke. ~ 81. Joseph Nesos.
Your habits will be the death of
me. = said Mrs. Hirshley. well. your
costumes are running me-" retorted
MIR IN Y Herald
Keep your troubles TO Yourself;
when you tell them you are taking up
the time OF the man who Is waiting to
tell his 4dkchison Globe.
You don't catch me ever getting
drunk again" why notPn BE
cause while on my last spree paid all
my debts. w. Eiiegeitde Bfdtter
When n wise man said: "Discre-
ton IS the better part OF valor" all the
towards Ia the world found a motto
Tor their caps. Atchison Globe.
There never was man PRAYER that
did not have himself IN IL. nor a
woman's that did not refer TO either a
man or a child. - Aschison Globe.
Mr. N. Peck-..In NIL the years we
have been man aud wife. Mrs.
N. Peck Husband and wife. Nathan;
husband and wife. ."-1tchfsoa Globe.
II has been hinted that the touching
ballad. Here Lies M AcApr,'' was
dedicated 10 the man who Is constantly
talking about his salary. = Hashiaytoa
Post.
New York is being treated to IA Ger
man play called die Wilde Jagtl.n
An adaptation OF Ten Nights IN a
Barroom. probably. = indianapolis
Journal
.'Do rou not feel the eloqmence OF
nature here on this glorious crag?r she
murmured Yes" he answered. Il
do The mountains peak. ~ Phitutiel-
phia Times.
Snooks There were very few peo-
pie at the funeral OF DIR. Soonoyer.n
Skaggs wonaer; hardly any of
his patients have survived him.
T'rds Slflings.
Most people seem to think a runor
is like subscription list. Every time
1t comes 10 them they add something
to IL and pass 1t along to the next
Boston Traveller.
Daughter-'.Why Is IL. ma. that a
honeymoon is supposed TO last only
three monthsp" Ma-.tAt the end OF
three months the quarterly bills come
In. ~. Y. Weekly.
Husband (gloomily)-.1 lost $50
last night playing poker.r Wife
bonnet?" Husband-'.Well, / should
say not. Racket.
You can't peel the bark of the hon
est Watchdog that bays deep-mouthed
welcome as you draw near home at 8
a m. however much you may desire
to- Washington Star.
~ love to sit before blazing fire
and watch the figures In the fame"
''Vhell. said Isaacs. "Dher pleasure
ohf dot depends larchly on dher in
suranze. IN y. Sun.
Giles-"How Is It you didn't send
that borrowed money you promised
when you knew l was sickpn De
Jinks-''You see, l heard you were
likely TO die. Munss'ys Weekly.
Teacher" "Now. children. wblch state
produces the most eorss' Pupil
Kentucky" Teacher Wrong. Why
do you say Kentucky?" Pupil-"Ken-
tucky produces the most kernels. "
Anierica.
Proud Mamma-' Look, Uncle John:
isn't baby the perfect image of his
papa?" Uncle John-"Yes. YES, nv
dear. but never mind. He may out
grow it as he gets older. .m-Journdi of
Educatioa
First Band Leader-'.I'm going to
days Second b. L.-..What will be
the special sacred feature of themp,s
First b. 10. I'll omit the usual in
termission for beer. " West Shore
Wanderer-"K Kind dame. can YOU
give me place to lay me down to
die?n The Kind Dame Certainly.
just go up to the barn. Ny husband
Is the county coroner an he hain't had
- SetCN A0A ~ niOntit- DfUVAt1fs I4tlC-
Mrs. Nutgall- What are you writ
ing. JohnP" Nutgall-"A purely busi-
ness letter. my dear. By the way, how
do you spell inamorata?n Mrs. N.
(rising) with a - I'll show
you, you wretchr'-B Boston Traveller.
One Matron-.'No; do not allow
my husband 10 address me by my
Christian namn.n Another Matron--
Il shouldn't miud that at nil. 1t is the
unchristian names he breaks nut with
every once in while that object to-"
Journal.
Mrs. Jinks (meaningly)-"I asked
DIR. Aquapura il whisky was good for
colds and he said No. Mr. Jinks-
well. / don't believe I've got cold
anyhow. It's something else. Did
the doctor mention what disease whis-
XIV was gnnd fnrpm-N Wesiin
Watts-'Now. If / understand cor
rectly, the first principle of socialism
is TO divide with your brother man."
Potts-"Then you don't understand it
The first principle of So
ciatism is to make your brother divide
with you. ."-Indtdnapoifs Journal.
p. Il. Barnum says that the press.
pulpit and circus have worked to-
getner to ciyilize. enlightea and raise
the moral standard of the world. The
press, however. doesn't wait until the
jokes are forty years old before il
springs them upon the public. = Nor
riSt0toB Herald.
Now, children. tell you. you must
never steal. When YOU want new
clothes the way to do is to buy them on
credit. Then you will always be well |
you won't have paid out any |
money for them, and you will always |
lin lhnl.n hnnnst n.eS r,nnt nj Lilo |