The Russellville Democrat., 1891-05-21
AmoNn THn rREE rovrRs.

Lovers and possessing very original ideas about life and morality, established themselves at Ber lin Heights in Ohio, few years since Public opinion was rszdstlessly against them, however. and the association was soon disbandedl
 Some years ago pitched my tent and onfurled my banner to the breeze, in Berlin Hites, Ohio. 1 had hearn that Berlin Hites was ockepied by extensive seek called Free Lovers, who believed in afiinertys and sich, goin back on their domestic ties without no hesitation whatsomever.
 sot up my tent in field near the Love Cure, as they called it, and bime- by the free lovers begun to congregate around the doe- Z. 1rnreer set have :. ....est ..e7st.r ssaun. The mems faces were all covered with hare and they lookt half starved to deth. The wimin was wuss than the men. They wore trowsis, short gownds, straw hats with green ribbins, and all carried bloc cotton umbrellers.
 Presently perfeckly orful lookin female presented herself at the door, E Her gownd was skanderlusly short and her trowsis was shameful to behold.
 She eyed me over very sharp, and then startin back she sed, in a wild voice:
 "Ah, can 1t beY'
 "Which2' sed I.
 "Yes, tis troo, o 'tis troo!r
 "15 cents, marm," anserd.
 She bust out cryin & sed:
 And so have found you at larst--at larst, O at larstw
 Yes" anserd, you have found me at larst, and you would hay found me at fust if you had cum sooner"
 She grabd me vilently by the coat col lar, and brandishin her umbreller wild ly round exclaimed:
 "Air you a man~
 Sez l, Il think air, but if you doubt it you can address Mrs. A. Ward, Bal dinsville, Injianny, postage pade, & she will probly give you the desired infor- mashun."
 "Then thou ist what the cold world calls marridY'
 Madam, 1 istest!'
 The exsentric female then clutched me frantlcly by the arm and hollered:
 i You air mine, o you air mine!'
 Scarcely" I sed, endeverin to git loose from her. but she clung to me and sed:
 You air my Afinertyl"
 "What upon arth is that?" shouted.
 "Dost thou not knoww
 No, dostent!'
 '.Listin man, 6 I'll tell vel" sed the strange female; "for years hay yearn- ed for thee. knowd thou vast in the world, sumwhares, tho didn't know whare. My hart sed he would cum and took courage. He has cum--he's here you air him-you air my Affinerty, o tis too mutch! too mutch!' and she sobbed agin.
 ''Yes,r answered, Il think it is a darn site too mutch,''
 Hast thou not yearned for meY' she yelled, ringin her hands like female play acter.
 Not a yearnr' bellerd at the top of my voice, throwin her away from me.
 The free lovers who was standin round obsarvin the scene commenst for to hol- Ter shame" beast" etsettery. etsett- cry.
 was very nutch riled, and fortifyin myself with spare tent stake, addrest them as follers: "You pussylanermus critters, go way from me and take this retchid woman with you I'm law abidin man, and beleeve in good, old fashioned institutions I am marrid 6 my orfsprings resemble me if l am showmanl think your Affinity bizniss is cussed noncents, besides bein out rajusly wicked Why don't you behave desunt like other folks? Go to work and earn honist Twin and not stay round here in this lazy, shiftless way, pizenin the moral atmosphere with your pestif- rous idees! You wimin folks go back to your lawful husbands if you've got any, and take orf them skanderlous gownds and trowsis, and dress respectful like other wimin. You men folks, cut orf them pirattercal whiskers, burn up them infurnel pampiits, put sum weskuts on, go to work chopin wood, splittin fence rales, or tilin the sile.' pored 4th yny indignashun in this way till got ont of breth, when l stopt. I shant go to Der lin Hites agin. not if live to be as old as Methooseler.