The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-11-20
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A Good Excuse. Mother Severely
-"You let James kiss you last night "
Daughter (penitently)-"IIe pressed me
so much had to. IN. Y. Press.
-Wooden-'Lazicus has just been
telling me how much work he turns
off" Bulfnch--"I should say he did
He turns it all off on somebody else -
Boston Courier.
II have such an indulgent hus-
band" said little Mrs. Doll. Eyes; so
George says" responded Mrs. Spiteful.
Sometimes INDUCES too much, doesn't
he?"-Boston Transcript.
did Bronson save anything from
the wreck of his fortune?" YES. For
tunately for him, his wife had been
shopping the day before he failed, and
all the goods had been sent home"
Almost as Bad.-Eastern Boy-"Did
you ever play football?" Western Boy
(watching the game)-'No; but l once
got caught in drove of stampeded
mules. "-Demorest's Magazine.
Looking Out for Number One.-"So
you gave your sister beautiful birth
day present, did you, Tommy"
yes IN, always give Susie present
on her birthday cause mine comes a
week after hers Yankee Blade.
"A Pointer.-Jones-"Did you have
good days sport?" Brown-"Splen-
did" Jones-"How did my dog work
for you?" Wonderfully. He
led me directly to the game market. -
N. Y. Herald.
Distressed young mother with cry
ing baby in railway carriage )-"Dear,
dear! l don't know whatever to do
with this child!' Kind and thoughtful
bachelor ION the opposite seat)-"Shall
I open the window for you, madam?"-
Xenophon's Anabasis.
Van Gibberhorn seems to take
quite melancholy pride in being the
last of q distinguished family" But
he isn't The last one of any distinc-
ton was Vans REORGANIZATION. Van
himself is what might be called merely
a sequel. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Young Bacon-"The doctor says
the night air is bad for me, but that the
morning air is beneficial" Miss Fuss
anfeather with yawn and side glance
at the clock)-"You seem anxious to
follow the doctors directions, don't
you?"-Yonkers Statement.
His was the Greatest Accomplish
ment.-"Yes, my wife is learning Del
sarte, my daughter is learning elocu-
ton, and my boy is learning the man
dolin. o, we shall soon be the most &C
complished family in town. I'VE?
What are you learning, pray?" ITO
endure. indianapolis Journal
Carefully Trained. - Miss Antique
taking politely proffered seat in
crowded street car. )-"Thank you, my
little man, You have been taught to
be polite l am glad to see. Did your
mother tell you to always give up your
seat to ladies?" Polite boy Nom,
not all ladies, only old ladies'. - Dem
orest's Magazine.
Very Different. -Littie Dolly Ten
nys-'What's that you have in your
hand, mammal" Mrs. Tennys-"That's
a tennis racket, child. Little Dolly -
"a tennis racket? Is that the kind Dr.
Smith says pa goes on, mammal" Mrs
Tennys-'' Mercy no, child! The rack
Gus } our papa goes on never cost less
than 5000. -Somervillc Journal.
A Young Lady's Tact. well, good
night, Miss A." said young man
the other evening to Dwightville girl
whom he was visiting. Il think it's
better for me to go. feel certain that
if stay two minutes longer l shall be
indiscreet enough to kiss you" well,
good night, Mr.. F." replied the
young girl so, by the way" she
added, 81 want to show you my sachet-
bag before you go. 1t will only take a
couple of minutes" 1t is only neces-
sary to state that the young man in
question is possessor of bright intel
lect, and he quickly embraced the situa-
ton, and we can further assert that the
girl was in it. - Binghamton Republi-
can.