The Russellville Democrat., 1891-04-23
ON FORTS. '

| ON fORIS.
 Every man has got Fort. It's sum mems fort to do one thing, and some other mems fort to do another while there is numeris shiftliss critters goin ! round loose whose fort is not to do | nothin.
 Shakspeer rote good phase, but he | wouldn't hay succeeded as Washing \ ton correspondent of New York daily paper. He lackt the rekesit fancy and ! imagginashun.
 That's sol
 Old George Washington's Fort was
 not to hey eny public man of the present day resemble him to eny alarmin extent. Whare bowts can Georges ekal be
 found? ask, 6 boldly anser no whares, or eny whare else Old man Townsin's Fort was to inaik Sassyperiller. "Goy to the worldl an
 uther life saived" (Cotashun from Townsin's advertisemunt.) Cyrus Fields Fort is to lay sub-ma-
 chine tellegraf under the boundin billers of the Oshun, and then hev it Bust Spaldin's Fort is to maik Prepared Gloo, which mends everything. Won der ef it will mend sinners wickid
 wage. Qmpromtoo goak.) Zoary's Fort is to be female circus feller.
 My Fort is the great moral show biz
 miss & ritin choice famerly literatoor for the noospapers That's what's the mat ter with me.
 &sc., 6c. Sc. So I mite go on to in- defnit extent.
 Twict I've endevered to do things which thay wasn't my Fort. The fust time was when l undertuk to lick a ow.dashls cuss who cut a hole in my tent & krawld threw. Sez l, my jentie Sir go out or shall fall onto you putty hevy" Sez he, Wade in, Old wax hggers," whare- upon I went for him, but he cawt me powerful on the he'd & knockt me threw
 the tent into COW pastur. He pursood the attack & flung me into a mud pud- dle. Az l aroze & rung out my drencht garments l koncluded fitin wasn't my Fort. He now rize the kurtin upon Seen 2nd: It is rarely seldum that seek con- solation in the Flowin Bole. But in a sertin town in Injianny in the Faul of
 1s--, my orgin grinder got sick with the fever e died. never felt SO ashamed in my life, S thowt I'd hist in a few swallows of suthin strengthin.
 Konsequents was histid in so much I dident zackly know whare bowts was. l turnd my Twin wild beests of Pray loose into the streets and split all my wax wurlSs. then Bet coold play hoss. So l hitched myself to Kanawl bote, there bein two other horses hitcht on also, one behind and anuther ahead of me. The driver hollerd for us to git up, and we did. But the hosses bein on- used to sich aarrangemunt begun to kick & squeal and rair up. Konsequents was was kickt vilently in the stummuck & back, and presuntly l fownd myself in the Kanawl with the other hosses, ldckin
 X yellin like tribe of Cusscaroorus sav- vijis. l was rescood. X as I was bein carrid to the tavern on hen lock Bored sed in feeble voise, Boys playin hoss isn't my Fort"
 MoRUL---Never don't do nothin which isn't your Fort, for eff you do you'll find youself splashin round in the Kanawl, hggeratively speakin.
 HIGH-HANDED OUTRAGE AT UTICA.
 In the Faul of 1856. showed my show in Utiky. a trooly grate sitty in the State of New York
 The people gave me n cordyal recep- shun. The press was loud in her prases.
 day as l was givin descripshun of
 my Beests and Snaiks in my usual howry stile what was my skorn & disgust to see big burly feller walk up to the cage containin my wax iggers of the Lords Last Supper, and cease Judas