Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1891-01-21
FUN.

LOT candle HS ht euects.
Advice to a St. Lawrence pilot
When you see a rapid "shoot" 1t on
the spot.-Texas Siftings.
We read of Kentucky man who
was paralyzed by mosquito bite. 1t
is wonder the bite did not paralyze
the mosquito.-Te1as Siftings.
1t may be true, as stated, that there
Is honor among thieves; but it is SO
successfully hidden that it does NOBODY
any good-not even the thieves.
Thompson is practical. When Jones
said to him sympathetically, al fear
Smith is losing his grip" Thompson
said promptly, "Why doesn't he buy
trunk2"
"Who are the brilliantly
military men on the opposite side of
the room2" she asked at the ball.
"Those are some OF our glittering
gereralities," replied her edition - es-
cort.
Watermelon seeds are found in an
Egyptian tomb that are 5000 years
old. There was no doubt about their
being watermelon seeds, because the
mummy was all doubled up.-Texss
Siftings.
al should like to know" remarked
Jones as he left the courtroom, "what
earthly use there is in sentencing such
fellows to imprisonment for life.
They make it point never to serve
out half their terms"
Affective just been reading news
paper discussion on "When women
should marry" Miss Elder. When do
you think girl should marry2
Miss Elder COMPATIBILITY Just as
soon as she has a proposal.-Munsey's
Weekly.
Brown.-De Grow looks very poor
ly, don't he? He has not many years
to live, l fear.
Jones.-He won't live six months,
and you can bet on it. I've said SO
for the last three years, and 1 know
what Pm talking about.-The Epoch.
"Do you know who her grandfather
WASP Have you ascertained anything
in regard to her pedigree? Those are
things you ought to know about the
women you are to make your wife,"
"Oh, hang her grandfather
"My boy, that's just what they did"
Stranger-"What is the meaning of
his vast crowd; something unusual
hsppening?"
Boston man-'I don't know, sir.
1 have just arrived on the ground my
self. 1t may be that symphony con-
cert is just over, or it may be that Mr..
Sullivan is drunk again"
The little daughter of laboring-
man had been taken to a toy-shop that
she might select doll.
"There's nice one Lucy" said the
mother.
"No; it's too handsomely dressed
for me. want to be my dolls man.
ma, not it's servant"
"How are you?" said young man
efiusively to young theatrical mana
ger. "You are looking finely. /
haven't seen you in such apparent good
health for long time"
"Yes?" said the manager. "How
many passes would you like to have
for tonight t?"-Merchant Traveller.
First Brooklyn man (on street carr
You haven't lived in Brooklyn long,
have your
Second Brooklyn man.-No, only a
few weeks. How did you know?
First Brooklyn mani noticed that
when you said you lived in Brooklyn
sou blushed.-New York Weekly.
Mr.. Bluderhead Ito fond mother and
father)-"What remarkable children
yours are! Where did they get So
much beauty and cleverness"
And Blunderhead can't understand
why the parents of the remarkable
children are SO cool to him. Most
people love to have their children
praised.
Fond Wife.-What are you SO bus,
at2
Young Physician.-I am writing q
letter to the newspapers, abusing DR..
Blank, the great scientist.
Fond Wife.-But DIR. Blank has
never done you any harm, and you
agreed with his theories.
Young Physician.-TrueJ but it'A
against the rule for physicians to adver-
ase, and must get myself before the
public somehow.-New York Weekly.
THE BACHELORS POINT OF VIEW
Nurse-"Oh, ma'am, the baby's sucked
all the paint off that new toy his uncle
gave himl"
Aother-"How awfulin
Bachelor Uncle-''Never mind; I
didn't pay very much for it,
STRUCK oUT.-HOolahan(o out late to
strangely - "And phwat's the tonne
sir2"
Stranger-(suspiciously. knocks Hoo
lahan down)-"It just struck one."
Hoolahan - (bewilderedD -Begorra,
dime glad OF didn't Ak yez an hour
ago."
ACCOMMODATING Wanderer- -"Kind
dame, can you give me place to lay
me down and die?n
The Kind Dame-''Certainly. just
go up to the barn. My husband is the
county coroner an he hain't had case