The Forrest City times., 1891-08-28
BOWSERS IN NEW YORK.
NOT ENTIRELY SETTLED DOWN
 IN THE METROPOLIS.
They Fall Back on the ocrecn Doors They Brought GroIn Detroit. and Thereby Hangs . Tale-Lstest Crop of humor.

''Do you pass carpenter-shop on your way down town?' asked Mrs. Bowser the other morning as Mir. Bow ser was ready to leave the house.
 Why ?' he cautiously asked in re- ply.
 We ought to have screen-door to the kitchen. There's where all the flies come m. We can use one of those doors we brought with us, but we'll have to have carpenter to hang it."
 I've will, eh? l beg to differ. don't propose to pay no carpenter three or four dollars for doing what can do in half an hour. I'll fix it myself"
 But don't you remember. Mir. Bow ser-don't you remember that you
 That what?'
 You tried to hang n screendoor last summer in Detroit and you got so mad you nearly tore the house down."
 "I did, eh? That's pretty yarn for you to stand up there and spin! In the first place, 1 never tried to hang . screen-door, and III the second never got mad"
 But you-you"--she stammered.
 Nothing of the sort! I don't even remember that we had a screen door. 1 never tried to hang one. never got mad. l never even saw fly around our house in Detroit. Change of eli mate seems to have had very queer effect on you"
 ''But won't you send up carpen- ter?'
 Not by jugful! shan't have any thing to do at the office this afternoon, and if there's bit of tinkering around the house it will be fun for me"
 III l.. i. parcel with him, and when Mrs. Bowser asked about the contents he cut the string and replied;
 Just few tools. Come handy to tinker with. Every man ought to keep a few tools and do his own repairing. l think 1 saved us at least S2oo last year"
 Well, hope you won't fly mad over your work. X screen-door is a very particular thing to hang
 ''0h. 1t is! You've hung lots of 'em, l presumc!''
 'I know that it takes skilled work man."
 You'd better write book and call it: What Know About Screen Doors. 1 ought to feel awful proud to think l have such smart wife, Run right in now, and begin on the first chapter of your book
 Mr. Bowser descended to the cellar where he found four screen-doors of different sizes. He selected one he thought would fit and carried it up. It was six inches too nigh. The next was four inches too short. The third was aimos. long enough to make two such doors as he wanted. He had the fourth one, winch was almost fit, in the back yard. when Mrs. Bowser came out to say:
 If you had first measured the open ing and then measured your doors. you wouldn't have had to lug up but this one. !"
 '.Wouldn't r. Perhaps you under stand my object in bringing up the ex- tra ones, Perhaps 1t is the duty of q husband to explain every little move he makes"
 ''rhe internal old kitchen is either lifting up or settling down.' he growlec as he held the door up. live got to saw piece off the bottom to make Il lit, and she'll either fit or down comes the shanty"
 He sawed off piece and got what he called fit He smiled and chuckled over his success, and had the hinges ou when Mrs. Bowser came out to ask;
 What good is n door there if you leave all those cracks?"
 Cracks. Cracks. You cant find one.n
 Look here here-and here. Mr. Bowser, even the bumble-be bees of New York would have no trouble in flying in there, And how are you put ting that spring on?'
 Mir. Bowser laid down the hammer, the gimlet and the screwdriver, and after wiping off his flushed face he stood scct and pointed into the kit chen. Mrs Bowser disappeared with out word. Then he inspected and found cracks.
 "Confounded old doorway is out of plumb, and that's the mattern' he growlcd, as he set to work to unhinge it. When he got the door off he racSed 1t this way and that and tried it again. Moro cracks than before. He took it down and sprung on the top with all his might, and this time, as he held it