Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1891-03-05
HOW TO CURE A RED NOSE.
Physician Makes Some Remarls ahor,
Remedy for Toddx IsloSsoms

d fhysictan Makes Some Remarks About
Kennedy for Teddy Blossoms.
What shall do for this nose. doc
Tor ?? said the patient with the infiamed
PROPOSES, anxiously- IF it gets any
redder my influence as teacher in the
Sunday school viii be totally gone"
Inc physician gazed upon the organ
submitted to his diagnosis with a coldly
scientific eye
DO You stimulate % he inquired.
Drink, you mean? Me 81 cried the
patient Not a drop of spirits ever
crosses my lips My standing in the
church"
linen 1t Is as l thought = rejoined the
doctor. calmly. Yours is a beer nose.
Therefore. l do not think l shall have
much difficulty in effecting cure. Per-
nit me-
Holding powerful magnifying glass
at distance of about four inches from
the organ under inspection. he gave a
more critical examination to what an
peared when thus enlarged to be an un-
pleasant-loolling swelling. with an ir-
regular surface and small blotches.
Having completed minute inspection.
the physician leaned back in his chair
and said dogmatically:
Your nose does pretty well for a
beer nose but 1t might be very much
worse The worse and most persistent
red noses are produced by drinking.
whisky You suggest? By no means.
Wine. especially Burgundy,is the nose
colorlng beverage par excellence Next
comes brandy, the effect of which is
usually rich purple tint in patches -
But you quite misunderstood" vent
ured the patient at last Il never take
a drop OF any thing-not even beer. A
little of sarsaparilla, occasionally. it is
true;
Never heard of a sarsaparilla nose, -
said the doctor. shortly. Il must saw
that yours counterfeits beer nose as
tonishingly well. If it is not really
such You are certainly unfortunate. for
a beer nose yields readily to treatment
which is very far from being the case
with what must be the complaint you
suffer from This is, as I now per
ceive, a trouble of a chronic nature
do you mean to say that / am like
" to suffer from it indefinitely"
Il can not say. Ny expectation is
that iudicious treatment. surgical and
y "
much Your trouble is a hyperamic
condition of the hair follicles- 1t is not
so very uncommon, and. when it affects
the clergymen and other persons with
whom purity and responsibility are, so
to speak professional, much ernbarrass-
ment frequently ensues- The notion
that red noses result only from drinking
is popular delusion which has ruined
more good men than any other cause
know Of 4 victim of a complaint such
as yours can not go around with a pla-
card saying: i am not an esoteric bum
mer, despite my appearance Some
times red noses much more aggravated
than yours are produced by skin dis
ease known as acne roseata,' and also
by incipient lupus tubercular affec-
ton engendered by the same germs that
make consumption of the lungs"
But what can you do for me doe
tor?''
My method of treatment for all kinds
of red noses is with the knife
Ouch
Either with the knife simply, that is
to say. or with the knife associated with
galvanccautery. Therefore / shall
operate by thoroughly scarifying the
skin. and you will find that when It has
healed. ten or twelve days hence the
redness will be much less. At the same
time l shall apply a fifteen per cent.
solution of muriate of cocoaine. which
has the effect of educating the superb
cial blood vessels. If three or four such
operations at two-week intervals do not
produce cure / viii try this instru,
ments which as you see, has a mum
Der OF little knives set parallel &c
one another. with needle behind
each knife The needles are connected
with battery of few cells and cur
rent passed through them serves to eau
terize the cuts as quickly as they are
made. This latter process will usually
cure the most aggravated red nose. A
all events the processes l mention rep
resent the farthest advance thus fal
made by science in this line of surgica
investigation 1t must be understood
however. that it is not possible to cure
anv sort of a toddy nose unless the pa
tient abstains from intoxicants- Why
it is that alcohol occasions hyperRmi;
and degeneration of the tissue at thu
extremity of the nasal organ, is mort
than any one has thus far been able K
learn--Washington Post