Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1891-02-05
EDITOR CLUGSTON.

The Only Man who Ever Made Money by
HumOriux Poet.
''What would this be worth to you?''
inquired tall. slender man with q
large and mobile mouth, retreating
chin. and . thin fringe of VIII. skier on
the angle Of either jaw, as he walked
into the Office of the Doodleville Yelper
and laid a bundle of manuscript on the
editors table.
Editor Clug ,ton picked it up leisurely
and looked it over
''H'm! This is poetry, is it not?" he
/ said.
Eyes. A poem on Immortality
II thought noticed that most Of the
lines seemed TO begin with a capital.
What was the inquiry you made about
it?''
What is it wor tn to you?"
What is your idea of its value?"
"Well it took mo four hours to write
1t. I burned midnight oil over that
poem"
II have done tho same thing over a
tariff editorial many a time" unused
Mr.. Clugston.
And it seems to me it ought to be
worth So"
ARE you aware. Mr. ~
MY name is Isnoggles-Perry Isnog-
glee. Accent on the T."
| Thank you. Are you aware, Mr.. Is
noggles. that John Milton sold Para
disc Lost for only s72, one-third cash
and the rest on time?"
"Why-"
''Are you aware that Robert Burns
once tried to sell Tam O'Shanter' for a
suit of clothes worth about So 5O?''
mo. I never heard -"
| 'Did you know, Mr.. Isnoggles." said
Editor Clugston. with increasing sever
ity. "thXt Oliver Goldsmith once sold a
/ poem two stickfuls long for glass OF
ale and three links OF sausage. and tn "a,
Homer refused an offer of a sheepskin
for his nliad because he thought it was
worth two sheepskins?'
'I'n take 5 for the poem, Mr.
Clugston."
Perhaps you have never heard, Mr.
Isnoggles," pursued the editor, ''that
Plautus, the Roman poet, would grind
out a rondeau at any time for a half
pint Of shrimps?"
Say SO. So" suggested the visitor.
"And you did not know, possibly, tina
Tasso, the Italian poet hawked a four
page poem about the streets of Sorrent,
for six shillings. and couldn't sell it a
that?''
would 81. so be too much for this?''
"A dollar and half for five pages o
manuscript that Dryden would hav,
sold, even when he was thirty-nin,
years old, for half d crown?'
you can have it for nothing, Mr.
Clugston."
"H'm! This will take up--let me SCI
in loaded long -primer, st least half
column. Mr.. Isnoggles."
I'D like to have it go in. I wouldn'
-er-mind paying you. say, fifty cents
Mr.. Clugston, if you can make room
for it."
Sat regular rates. Mr.. Isnoggles," re
piled the editor. this would come t
about $3.50, but I believe in encourag
ing home poets as much as can. 70
are home poet are you not?"
II was raised out here on the Bib
farm"
"And on that account resumed tn
editor, making few figures on a shee
of pa per before him, Il will come dow
to an even S. BILL
Thank you, Mr.. Clugston. 1t ism
exactly what had expected, but -
= "Cash in advance, of course"
Mr.. Isnoggles drew out a rather lea
wallet, extracted the money therefron
and handed it over.
"Please say nothing about this. sal
Mr.. Clugston, grandly, as he put tn
money in o pocket-book ten time
leAne: than his visitors. II wouldn'
do it for every body"
Mr.. Isnoggles expressed his gratitud
and walked out.
'Darn newspaper man that can
devise some way to meet wash bill!
soliloquized Editor Clugston as b
leaned back in his chair and looked q
himself in the glass.-Chicago Tribune