The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-01-18
MP. AND MRS. ,BoWsER.
BY MRS. ROWSEH


Some groceries which ordered the other
afternoon failed to come up in time, and at
supper we had bread in place of biscuits.
COOK run away?" queried Mr. Bowser.
as be noticed the change
THE baking powder didn't come up,n
replied.
did you order it?"
eyes, at 2 o'clock"
GA woman can perhaps buy gimcracks
to better advantage than man, but when
it comes down to solids she can't be
trusted"
the next week. The cook will tell you
what is wanted"
'I'll do it, and I'll show you that we will
live great deal better and yet save 81 or
S week They can't play any roots on
me, Mrs. Bowser."
Next morning before going away he
went out to the cook and said:
''I'll send up the meat for dinner That's
all, 1 supposed"
I'VE want a few things besides, sir Put
down salt, soap, pepper, tea, CHINA mon,
starch, sago, potatoes, vinegar
What! Haven't we got blessed thing
in the house?"
"Lots O. things, =ir, but there's some
thing wanting every day. You can add a
dashboard, lamp chimney, some sapolio,
a box of matches and"-
''That will do!'' interrupted Mr. Bowser
81 can see that there has been the grossest
Encouragement in this house It's won
az hot ha 70 bo
house,"
for dinner. When Mr. Bowser came home
he inquired:
What have you been paying for roast
beef?"
About thirteen cents.
cha! l suspected it from the way the
butcher acted. He has been swindling you
at the rate of six cents per pound"
'sNoI'
"Fact. sent up piece at six cents which
beats any you have had for month"
When we got seated at the table he look
ed about and remarked that the cook had
forgotten to put on the potatoes.
''You didn't send up any, l replied.
"Whatl'
Nothing came but the meat"
"By the great two bumped camel,
butt
He suddenly felt in his vest pocket, and
there was the list of groceries With that
he took up the carving knife and fork and
began to carve the meat. 1t didn't carve
He bore down and sawed away, and finally
laid the knife down and said:
'Mrs Bowser, is this piece of rhinoceros
= beefT'
cts a neck piece of beef, Mr. Bowser.
WheN 1 buy 'em for mince pies I boil the
meat about two days. You sent it for
roast, and the cook has roasted it."
He turned very white and kicked the cat
from under the table, and cur dinner was
slim and unpleasant one. After getting
on his hat and overcoat he svent out to see
the cook, and as he appeared IN tlio kitchen
door she said:
There's no butter for supper, and wa1s:
you to send up some tomatoes for soup,
two iron spoons, package of stove polish,
some silver soap, allspice, oyster crackers
and bluing. Here's a list"
"Do you pretend to say we want all those
things?" he demanded
In the afternoon the things came up-aIl
but the tea and butter At supper time
it as we sat down, and snuffing the aroma
he remarked:
Doesn't your girl know the difference
between breakfast and support And where
on earth is the butter?"
"You didn't send up either tea Or but
Ger"
What! Mrs. Bowser, do you imagine
I've gone craZy?"
"Well, they didnA come up'
"They didn't, en-? Let me get to that
telephone, and I'll give that grocery store
something to think of for the next hun
dred yearsI'
l don't know what the grocer said to
him, but Mr.. Bowser danced up and down,
and sent him to Jericho, Jersey City and
lots of other places, and wound up by say
ing that he'd go to the Cape Of Good Hope
before he'd ever buy another thing there
That night l found the list of articles in
his pocket. He had checked off as he or-
dered and had left the tea and butter out
Next morning before ne went down town
he said to the cook:
'IH send up chicken to be baked and
stuffed"
At II o'clock, no chicken having ap
peared, she fried some bacon for dinner
Mr.. Bowser didn't know it until he sat
down. Then he took one look at the
bacon, and arose and walked out into the
kitchen and asked:
SIS this my house or yours2"
What of it," answered the cook.
Didn't say I'd send up chicken?"
"You did"
''And it was to be stuffed?"
cit didn't come"
''It didn't. Let me get to that tele-
phone No! I'll go down and wipe the
| face of the earth with that butchers car
cassl'
tried to hold him, but he broke away
and went off. He came back in about an
hour, with his coat torn up the back, his
nose skinned, bump on his forehead and
one eye shut up. I didn't question him,
but l learned from others that the butcher
got the better of him. He hadn't ordered
any chicken. He meant to, but he never
even got off the car. That evening, after
| had bound the third piece of raw beef on
his eye and had glycerined his nose for the
| fifth time, he suddenly Observed:
81 am satisfied that l could run this
house just forty times better than any
woman on earth and save shillings where
you save dollars, but Ive got too much
on my mind as it is, and you can go ahead
with your extravaganza and disastrous