The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-05-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

hAnu-OVer-nanu-ln ne ulBnWaymau'
Dead men tell no tales, but they leave
no end of them in print.-Pucb.
OF all sad words of tongue or lip,
The saddest is I've got the grip"
-DdnSUiUe Breeze.
You need help to raise a laugh, but
you can sigh alone.-IndiaaapoHs Jour
nal.
The greatest philosophy is in not want
ing things you can't get.-Atchison
Globe.
The father gathers his dollars in cents;
his son scatters the cents in dollars
Troy Press.
''Soft and low," sang the peddler,
who was closing out some over-ripe fruit
at reduced rates.-State8man
"Fetching little thing, isn't itl" as
the owner of a retriever pup remarked
to a friend.-St. Joseph Ne,oS.
Women are not cruel to dumb ami
mails. No woman will witfully step on
mouse.-RjcbmORd Recorder.
1t takes nine tailors to make the modern
man. One to make the clothes and
eight to collect the bill. .-Ne,0 York Re
corder.
Miss Tence-"I like to meet man
with history" Mr.. Tence-"So do 1
provided he doesn't have it for sale."
Puck.
Mrs. Brown -"My baby is the pretti-
est in the town" Mrs. Blacl-"Why,
what coincidtnce So is mine. p
Haiper'S Bdsar.
Styles of female beauty are said to
have changed within the past few years.
Short women are not in good form-any
longer. Courier.
"Move forward littlel' roared the
street car conductor. 81 can't gasped
the man in front, 81 don't know how to
ride horseback. ."-Harper's Bazar.
My names Responsibility"
I'm awful hard to fix;
But when well fixed, to fix the fix
Is one of my sly tricks.
--Puck
1t is not safe to judge 9 mans courage
bF the tone OF voice he employs when he
speaks to the otlice-boy. Wait until
you hear him address his wife.-Nclo
York Recorder.
"Jacl1 doesn't call on Miss Goldfc
now" "No; heard he was put out
with her father" ~ rather guess it is
because he was put out by her father"
-Ne'o YORK. Press.
"Whatl you say that Mr.. Smith, the
merchant, has gone blind Here's a
pretty how dye do. I've g It bill on
the man which is made out payable at
sight = "-Ne1o York World.
Mrs. Malaprop sometimes hits the nail
on the head. 1t rained in torrents as she
left the church Sunday morning without
an umbrella. "How irrigating this isl"
she calculated. d.-Nel0 York Herald.
Judge Ito youthful witness)-"My
son, do you know what would become of
you if you should swear to what is not
truep Youthful Witness-"Yes'r. The
lawyers'd git me. - Chicago Tribune.
1t is hard on a man to have his beard
shaved off for fun, just TO see if his
friends will recognize him, and then to
be bitten by his own dog at the front
gate when he comes home to tea.-
SomerVile Journal
Wicllwire e-"And what is your opinion
on the issue of an elastic currency,
Mudge2" Mudge-''If 1t will enable
man to stretch his weeks salary from
one pay day to the next, Pm in for it,"
-Iadidnapolis Journal.
He stole her glove,
For deep in love
lie was, and badly smitten;
But, later viewed,
The crime no rued,
When he received the milton.
Judge.
Tommy-"Cau We play at keeping a
store in here, mamma}' Mamma (who
has a headache)-"Certainly, but you
must be very, very quiet" Tommy
"Well, we'l pretend We don't adyer-
tise. ART IN Advertising.
Judge-"You are an iucorrigible
young scoundrell You stole from your
parents and then left a good home.
Why did you do thatf' Peniteut-
"Your honor, it was impossible for me
to take it with me. n-Neio York. Herald.
"That's little hint | give my land,
lady once in while" said Mr.. A. Star
boarder; and as he spoke he deposited
on the floor the advertising sheet Of the
IYhb{ol, from which halt-a-dozcu of
the "Boarders Wanted" advertisements
had been cut out. "-Puck.