The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1891-09-18
NEW YORK IS SLOW.
50 westernsr Thinks and He Tells Why
He Thinks So.

where can a man 60 here to see
some real stylish turDOuts in horses
and carriages?" asked the Blue Jay
liar from the west of policeman on
Fourteenth street yesterday, says NJ.
Quad in the New York Evening World.
Been on Broadway"
Nothing there
'On Fifth avenueP"
Nothing there"
AT Central ParkP"
Worse yet. Isuppose you do have
real horses here in New York;"
Il should remark. What sort of q
man are you. anyhow"
Just common-just a plug OF man
from out west. / am here to look and
pick up pointers. The absence of any,
thing like q real horse or fashionable
carriage has struck me as very queer.
Did you say you knew q man who had
onep Name, pleaseP I'll hunt him
up"
do you pretend to say we haven't
the finest horses and carriages in AM
erica right here in New YorkPn de-
manded the officer.
You may have. but / haven't seen
'em. / was at Central Park Sunday
afternoon. and the most stylish rig l
saw there was one sold at auction in
Denver two months ago for $500. Most
OF the horses were animals that came
of my street-car lines and had been
sold cheap to get 'em out of the way.
There is one thing you New Workers
do excel In, however. and I'm glad to
give you credit. You take our old
turnouts and fix 'em up to look quite
as good as new. l saw three of nv
secondhand rigs yesterday, and had
to look close to identify them. II
stopped one coach dead still by imitat-
ing the whistle of a car-conductor."
Why. man, "said the puzzled officer,
as he turned on him. "you talk like a
chap who Is queer in his headr'
''Oh. of course! That's the way YOU
have here Of getting even with the
western man. If lie doesn't praise
your old town sky-bigb and swallow
all your brag. you put him down as
either drunk or crazy. Ever been out
west?"
mo. SIR"
II thought not. or you would have
some style about wearing your uni.
form. If You were to come on duty
in Omaha looking that way you'd get
fired in second. Made here, 1 sup
pose?"
yes, SIR"
That accounts for it. New York is
the asylum Of all the played-out tailors
in America. lost my baggage here a
few years ago. and had to 90 to tai
Tor for suit to get home in. 1t was
all right until / got west of Chicago,
and then had to take it of and wear
a blanket borrowed OF au Indian. The
people wouldn't stand it."
why, I've always uu derstood that
we have the very best of tailors here"
replied the officer. looking a bit less
important than before.
Very naturally you have" contin-
led the liar. You've sat right down
here and piped your horn until YOU
hink there is nothing else in America.
was through two or three of YOUR
police stations yesterday. We want
o put up some new ones In Seattle,
md our folks asked me to get a few
POINTERS. They didn't know but Won
night have stumbled on something
lew." [
And you found them fine, siren
What! What! My dear man, / put
p thirty or forty shanties on my graz
ng-lands last year for shelters for nv
owboys, and I'm telling you that the :
oorest one beats the best police sta :
lon 10 New York. 1 was almost paral- :
zed when / entered headquarters I
a Mulberry street. ! supposed. of @
curse. that I should see something d
ne. and 1t took half an hour to satisfy
10 that ID wasn't Nebraska county
shoolheuse moved here a. Q relic. b
bur police forcs in Cheyenne. for in ?
,ancs. weulda't uSe suck Q place even q