The weekly tribune. [volume] (Great Falls, Mont.) 1891-1894, 1891-06-06
MORE OF APPLETON'S REASONS.

The closer one reviews Mr.. A.ppleton's
reasons why Helena should have the
earth. the more one becomes impressed
with the ~inexhaustible possibilities &
man enjoys of making a fool of himself
THE TRIBUNE has taken occasion tc
notice and criticise. in a mild way, a few
of his reasons, but there are still Others
which claim its attention. He tells us
that Helena has a smelter which will
compare favorably with anyin u state
And then he adds in substance that il
doesn't amount to shucks. for it is not
felt outside of its immediate vicinity,
Now there is a smelter which will com
pare favorably with the Anaconda smell
ter-so the veracious Appleton says
which has built and supported a town
nearly half as %populous as Helena, and
yet-we still quote Mr.. Appleton-the
latter is "too vast to be affected by any
one enterprise" Or, in other words. a
smelter which compares favorably with
the great Anaconda works fails to
quicken its pulse. 1t requires a college
to work the miracle.
Again. says Mr.. Appleton, tive are
about TO start a large iron industry that
in two years will employ 800 men," The
gentleman could as truthfully added:
"We are about to start a silk industry
which will require 800 men to plant and
cultivate mulberry trees; therefore give us
the college,"
Again he says: "We have over twenty
eight or thirty miles of street railway,
all but four or five miles now in opera
tion." But the highly imaginative APP
pleton forgot to add that they have to
hustle to keep out of the hands of the
sheriff. One of them was tied up not
long ago. and the other was compelled to
double its fare to keep out of his
clutches. Therefore give Helena the
college.
Reason No. 10 %recites that Helena has
a greal many schools and employs a
large number of teachers. These schools,
says the learned Appleton "draw many
'scholars'-not pupils-hence Helena
should have the college. Furthermore,
Helena is the richest city of the coun-
try" therefore it sadly needs the college.
Reason No. IA indicates that Mr..
Appleton is an artistic boomer in the
real estate business. The way he slides
the figures up on outside acre property
makes a man dizzy to look at them, and
makes him smile too when he thinks of
the 300 vacant houses in the city of
Helena, mutely asking for tenants. By
a leavening process known only to Mr..
Appleton he raises the prospective value
Of the lands offered the college to $1,000
300, and then striking a
heroic attitude with a grand
flourish. he exclaims: "Here is our grand
offer to you for endowments. Would
you gentlemen throw this overheard and
plant your institution where it will be
to be a perpetual beggar:'
That is, if it be given to Great Falls Or
it will be a perpetual beggar."
That is the great Appleton's clincher.
He held up Great Falls and Livingston
as the roads to poverty and perpetual
Deggary. and Helena as the avenue to
g 100000 worth of property.
What fools these mOrtals be-" Now,
{ Mr.. Appleton had not been consumed
~ an overweening desire to become
amous among his Helena neighbors and
lad ~refrained from monkeying with a
newspaper man, he would not have adj
'ertised himself to the intelligent people
# Montana as a vain, foolish man, a
murderer of the kings English. a disciple
# Munchausen and a deadly enemy to
Helena.