The Portland daily press., 1891-07-16
CHIN ESE JOKES.
proII Stories Told by the Cele stIaIs
Over Their Tea.

We ale accustomed to think of the Chinese
as solemn-looking people with slanting eyes
ana the corners of their mouths much drawn
down. says the Philadelphia Bulletin. Never
theless they have textbook, and its name
Is Stao Il SiaO Here are translations of
some of the jests. The reader will be struck
by the similarity of many of them to West
ern Jokes:
A confirmed drunkard. In his dreams. i'm
agined that he had found a cup Of excellent
toddy. and put it by the fire to warm In order
to bring its flavor out the better. But the
moment that he attempted to taste the DELI
cious draught he awoke. Fool that was, !"
cold"
A certain man had his portrait painted !;
and when it was finished the painter REQUEST
ed him to inquire of the passers-by what they
thought Of 1t, in order that he might know
and asked the frst-comer. "Do you think
this picture-like?" 1.-The hat is extremely
like" replied the would-be critic, He asked
similar question Of second stranger, who
answered that the clothes seemed to be
exactly reproduced. He was about to in
terrogate third, when the painter stopped
him and said: 1.-THE resemblance of the hat
and clothes is of no importance: ask the
gentleman what he thinks of tie face" The
stranger hesitated a very long time; but at
last. not being able to escape giving an
answer. he replied, "The beard and the hair
are first-rate."
A man of letters, reading late at night, be-
came aware that burglar was breaking
through the wall of his house. He happened
ing before the fire, and this he took. placing
It by the SIDE of the wall while he waited for
the burglar Now, when the burglar had
mace an opening he thrust his legs through
III. n-afl off n6
them firmly and drenched them with boiling
water. The burglar uttered piercing CRY
and begged for mercy. But the other, con-
tinulng to pour out the water, replied grave
potv' ~ " ~
A rich man, living between the FORCES of
two blacksmiths, was continually annoyed
by the noise of their hammers, and was in
despair at being unable to rest either by day
or by night At first he tried to induce them
all kinds of promises II they would only
change their abodes. The two blacksmiths
at last fell in with his proposals, and he,
transported with joy at the prospect of their
departure, entertained them. regardless Of
expense at farewell banquet, At the end
of the feast he asked them where they in
tended to set up their smithies. SWELL"
said one of them, "he who lived on your
left will go to the smithy on your right, and
he who lived on your right will 90 to that on
your left"
A lady who had but lately been married,
seeing her husband return after three days
absence, stole up secretly behind him, and
gave him kiss. The husband was angry,
and told her that she had offended against all
she exclaimed; Il really didn't know it was
you, my loveW
In certain house there was q baby that
annoyed every one by its continual squalling.
AT last physician was called in. He adj
mlnlstered bolus Of the soothing virtues of
which he had high opinion, and offered to
pass the night in the house to observe the
effects Of his remedy. After few hours,
hearing no noise, he exclaimed. "GoodI the
child is cured" YES" replied the attend
ant, the child has indeed stopped crying
but the mother has begun to mourn"
A certain man was condemned to the
thief's collar, whereupoD, some of his rela-
TONS seeing him asked him how he had
brought such a punishment upon himself.
BE replied; "As was going along the road
CHANGED to see on the ground a little bit of
rope: Thinking it might perhaps prove use
full, L picked 1t up and proceeded on my way.
Such Is the origin of my present trouble"
'"6ut,"' replied his relatives, I'VE can not be-
lieve that the theft of piece of rope would
bring you to this miseryW Said the thief:
sit is true that there was something at the
end Of the rope" They inquired what it was.
only" answered he, two little draught
oxen" II may be mentioned In passing
that in 1872 writer in the British Quarterly
Chinese source" though he did not allude to
Stao Ii Stoo. 1t is possible that the Heather
Chinee has more than one textbook. The
date OF Sid0 Il StGo is unknown; but with
regard to this particular tale the English
the edition of Scogin's Jestes 1913, and pos
sibly In also that 1865, when the book was
first licensed
A man, seeing an oyster-seller passing by.
wished to buy some oysters, and called out,
tn. ThoW Mtb much h, kin?" laboIt one pound
know that oysters are everywhere sold by
measure, and not by weightU "You must
be very deal" answered the would-be pur-
chaser, "or you would have heard me say,
how much chih?" Ia foot)
A misely host always contrived to avoid
giving his guests full glass of liquor. One
of these after regarding his tumbler long and
attentively, exclaimed: This tumbler is
too deep must cut 1t in half" The aston
ished host inquired the reason. "Well," re-
piled the guest. ''since the upper portion
never holds anything to drink Of what use
is it?"
Let US conclude with a story well-known
to our great-grandfathers. 1t is curious that
notions OF humor should run so much In the
same grooves, from China to Peru.
Two brothers cultivated the same PLOT of
ground. One day the eldest, ON leaving to
get the dinner ready called to his brother to
come with him. He, however, shouted out
at the top of his voice, "Wait until | have
hidden my spade and then | will come"
While they were having their meal the other
reproached him bitterly for his indiscretion.
when one hides thing" said he, zone
ought to preserve silence, or, any rate, not
speak above whisper; for, in shouting as
you did just now, one Invites people to
steal" Dinner over, the younger brother
returned to the field, looked for his spade
and found il gone, So. running To his brother
he whispered mysteriousIy In his ear, my
spade Is stolen"
There are other jokes in this curious book !;
but the average standard of humor does not
appear TO be high. Enough has been quoted
to show the kind of jest which tickles the
more were given it is to be feared that the
readers eyes might become as slanting and
sne corners Of his mouth as much depressed
as those Of the sad faced Chinee himself.