Morning journal and courier., 1891-09-22
EXCUSES.

The excuse of every man who does not mind his own business is that he is trying to do good.-Atchison Globe. We have noticed that the more imprac- ticable and hopeless an ambition is, the more energy a fool will put in it. Atchison Globe.
 Girls who allow sparkling in their homes should use smokeless powder, so that the engagement may not be discovered.-Bal- timore American.
 A woman can't be altogether unhappy when the woman she has invited to sup per asks her to write down her recipe for that cream pie.-Somerville Journal. Trifes should never be allowed to dis courage the ambitious. When kangaroo is on it's last legs it may still be able to do some good jumping.-New Orleans Pic ayune.
 'tPa," said little George Thikhed, ''what is a meteorological" "Why, my boy, haven't you seen the man with lantern who comes to look at the gas meter now and then? We'll, he is meterologist. "- Boston Bulletin.
 A Philadelphia dentist says there is over S2, 800, ,000 worth of gold in the mouths of Philadelphians. The statement is inter esting, but not alarming. Think of the awful prices the dentists got for that gold. Chicago Tribune.
 She-Why, Charley, where have you been! I've been waiting an age for you.
 He-Oh, but then, your age is such 6 brief time, you know.
 She is more than ever of the opinion that Charley is such dear fellow.-Boston Transcript
 At fashionable gathering gentleman o1 Sayyaral attar,onta t0 afort fha sation, but owing to the stupidity of those present he failed completely. After a painful pause he finally remarked; "Now let us be silent on some other subject. ."-- Texas Siftings.
 Miss Parvenue-I'm going now, mamma.
 Mrs. Parvenue Burning from Lord San sons}-Now, above all, Henrietta, don't forget to find out how Mrs. Topnotch makes her faux pas. heard she made one last week. and we'll make some, too, no matter how much it costs.-Texas Siftings.
 It is now asserted that the reason a cer- tain party of aldermen were refused free passes from Chicago eastward was be- cause they declined to furnish guarantee that they intended stay ing away. They wanted return passes to come back, and the railroad officials drew the line right tnere.-CnlcaSo NeWS. After Church-Mrs. Patron-Well, how were you pleased With our pastora Mrs. Frankey-Very much pleased with his manner and style of delivery, but don't like his advocacy of eternal punishment. Mrs. Patron-What was there in his ser mon this morning that impressed him as an advocate of such revolting doctrinei Mrs. Frankey-Its style and duration Boston Courier.
 Two small boys on Pennsylvania ave nue car were watching everything and talking, as small boys do, when the con- ductor's whistle attracted them. "Get on to the whistle" said one. ''Yep," said the other; ''but what's he got it tied to string for?" This was a poser for minute, and then the little one chirped. '1 know what for. It's to keep hisself from swallerin' it. Washington Star. He Was Imposed Upon.-Rural Visitor -I have been imposed upon, and want my money back.
 Editor of ''Farm Friend"-Well, sir? Visitor-You said in your letter to me last week that you had sent me the cur rent issue of "The Farm Friend" and l searched the paper through from begin. ming to end and there wasn't single word about entrants in it.-Yankee Blade. The following dialogue took place be. tween two old colored folks on the street
 'Atlanta's got rapid transit now, sure "What do you mean-de dummy kysrs.' s'No. I doesn't mean no dummy" "You mus be talkin' bout the lectric line, den. ,
 ''No, isn't neither" "Well, gives il up. What you talkin' 'bout'" ''Tm talk | in bout dat paytrol waggin, cause it takes | you furder in ten minutes dan you'll gil
 back from in six months. ."-Atlanta | Journal.
 | Every once in while the African mind
 will evolve an expression that has wealth
 of grotesque poesy in it. An elderly man
 who is employed about one of the public
 buildings in Washington was heard to say
 'I dunno what Ise gwine ter do for close
 foh all ob my family"
 .'Have you a large family, uncle9" said
 one of the clerks in quizzical tone 1 "Deed I is-seben chillun." 1 "Are they all the same color as you!"
 "No, sah; dey varies, ragin' all de way
 f'um dusk ter midnight. ."-Kansas City 1 Journal.