The critic., 1891-02-26
Highest Of all il LeayenIng Foer1aest u s COVE Report
HER REMoRsrLEss DOG.
He Came in Peach Basket, hut Ougll
to Go Away in Sack.


He Came In n Peach Basket, hut Ought
to Go Away in u Sack.
J, "Amosr," in Chicago Herald.
, "Uneasy lies the head that wears a
crown" Perhaps IL does, my dear but
will take my chances any day with the
crown if can find king who will mako
an even exchange for my dog. ought
by rights to be as white headed as polar
bear, and all on account Of that dog. He
came to us last year in peach basket; IL
would take one Of Parmelee's trucks to re-
!, move him now. From the moment of his
introduction into the family he has created
,dissension.
The martyr wished him kept in the
woodshed. The captain suggested the
front parlor. A bloodless war was insti-
like canine Helen, the dog maintains
an impartial attitude. He had q way in
early youth of dropping his head to one
side and putting out a small pink tongue
to be severe with him. The captain re-
sented any attempt to train him in the
way dog should go, consequently he has
pursued his career of devastation thus far
quite unhindered.
He eats up the greater part Of the family
wash each week. He scatters old shoes
and rubbers about the place as November
scatters leaves. He long since drove the
family cat into exile. He howls all night
in the woodshed, until to live near a
founding asylum in full blast would be
considered q luxury by any of our
stricken. neighbors. He follows the head
hours of early dawn, and reduces that
dignified person to the necessity of either
chasing him back home with stick or
calmly watching the train fit by while he
sits and holds the dog by main strength
back from the jaws Of death. Whenever
the female neighbor draws near the home
for an afternoon call, he falls upon that
neighbor and reduces her quickly to rags
and atoms.
He ambles into Sunday-school with
greasy bones and lays them before the
altar. When he can do nothing else he
chews the front gate palings, or chases the
chickens until those poor, tormented
fowls long for the guillotine and the dim
ner pot, as martyrs long for heaven. Such
has been his effect of late ipon the young
child who peddles milk that she has de-
vcloped st. Vitus' dance and twitched re-
proachfully before our remorseful eyes.
We got rid of him once. When the
martyr was found bufreting him with a
broom ION the sly" and it was ascer-
tanned that such was her daily practice,
we gave him to the washerwoman.
A few days passed in tranquility. The
cat came back and sang psalm of praise
by the kitchen fire. Congratulations
poured in from every quarter, and the fe-
male neighbor gained in flesh. But one
Sunday morning small whirlwind in
black stockings and red hat whisked
home from Sabbath school crying "Oh,
dear, they say they're starving him, and
the man kicked him! Think Of him Civ
| ing his paws so cunning and nobody good
| to him. Oh, get him back, please, get
| him back, or l shall die.''
Then that stricken household looked
one another calmly in the eye and knew
| that destiny was too much for them
They yielded abiectly and the dog is back
| again. Once more the garments of the
children wave like torn battle flags from
the weekly washlne; once more the
householder sits in the gray dawn and
holds the dog back from sudden death
once more the air is strenuous with canine
music and the female neighbor reviles us
from afar. What is to be done? VIII
any imbecile king step forward and barter
his troublesome crown for my no less
| troublesome dog?