Fort Worth gazette. [volume] (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1891-1898, 1891-11-23

scheme if he hadn't 4 met Hope Carleton or
! some other drummer, and took pointers
| about travelling cheap and keepin up the
| expense account and chargin' it up to the
house. Paw gets doubtful some times
| about it and says he rather thinks TalmaGe
was mistaken about its bein' the devil he
saw a ridin' on that hurricane; and paw says
| he believes it was Harry Tracy, and that's
the way he accounts for HaTys mysterious
appearance in Texas and the impossibility
of traCin' Harry's antecedents.
Texas is about 1000 miles wide, 1000 miles
long and $1,000 or 10000 miles thick it is
bounded on the bottom side by China and
on the top side by heaven, and is about
half way between the two. There is sev-
eral roads to heaven and two roads TO China,
| and one Of the roads from Texas to China is
just like one of the roads to heaven-you
pass through the golden gate TO get there.
Paw says he thinks it must be
| easier to 90 from Texas to China
than from Texas to heaven, be-
cause he says no Texan was ever known TO
reach heaven, and there are some two or
three Texas missionaries in China. Paw
SAYS no other kind of Texas citizen 'Cept
missionary ever had the gall to attempt
either voyage. Paw says the reason why
more Texans don't try 10 get to heaven is
because they are not afraid of hell, havin
got used to dOin without water and the
Texas sun has made EN- fire proof.
Here the cOckle-burr flOurishes like 4 green
bay mule, and it is the home of the persim-
mon, which grows large and many in hill.
The chigger and the Red Ant are in on the
ground floor. Regardin' the Red Ant,
there is some difference of opinion among
the best informed lawyers, but Cliff Gala
way says ''the Red Ant is lineal descend
ant of Mother Earth. and is beyond ques-
tiou the original mound builder of whom
IL h go L..
tie q quote from Cliffs opinion).
The Buffalo has folded his tent and
silently stole away-takin' his tent along rs
part of Col. Cody Great Western Show
There is nothin left of this romantic ami
nal except his bill-therc is yet to be found
Buffalo Bill or two.
The Prairie Dog is indigenous to Texas
soil, and peacefully meanders at his own
sweet will up and down the great expanse
further on toward the settin' sun. where
the antelope friskily roams and ''capers
nimby 10 the lasciviOus pleasin' of the coy
ote,' and the badger finds livin' tomb.
Galloway says the Prairie Dog Is also 4
lineal as well as a collateral descendant
of Mother Earth, and is entitled to credit
for a hand in the mound building business
in connection with his relative, the Red
Ant. There being a missing link in the
family records, it is impossible to trace
back with any satisfaction the paternal an
CeStrv of these first families of Texas, the
Red Ant and the Prairie Dog. Their fam
lily pride has degenerated to Sucn an ex-
tent that they have neglected to preserve q
family tree, and as they carry their arms
ouCealed-Contrdry to the laws of Texas
instead of on their coach doors, as Of old.
these methods of tracing family blood and
connections cannot be resorted to in their
cases" Il still quote from Clif Gallaway's
opiuiou.)
Here the possum and the coon dwell to-
gether in peas and hominy. The possum
bein of 4 gentle, retirin' and domestic dis
position, contents himself with stayin' on
the inside lin the soup" while the coon
remains on the outside with his best eye on
the chicken roost. The coon is here to stay
unless Oklahoma offers greater induce
mentS.
Texas has had almost every kind of gov
crnor-mihtary, Republican and Demo
cratic-but she has never yet had what
Kansas now enioys-a petticoat govern
ment, although Texas was once ruled by
Mother Hubbard" But now the voice Of
the Hogg is heard in the land. and we are
largely under the influence of Grease. May
the Lard save US
There is very few Republicans in
Texas, outside of the postof1ice, for when |
ever new one is born the folks at Wash !
Ington make new postoffice for him. \ |
Republican in Texas outside of postoffice |
Is as sad a spectacle as Horace Greeley'S !
penslve mule a-cogitatin on his paternal |
Paw says the population Of Texas, takin' |
Bonham as 4 guide, is unequally divided; |
that the women are in the majority. iudgin' |
from the number of widers and old maids |
round town, but paw says he looks for 4 |
big immigration of men from Kansas into |
Texas, OWN 10 the state of things in Kan
sas, where women vote and hold Office. for
paw says they have closed up lot of sa-
looms ana ruined the peaceful resorts, and |
the personal liberty of the men is gone:
and paw says there will be a lot O. them
Jay Hawkers a-comin' down here lookin'
for congenial company. and he expects Bon
ham will catch pile of 'em-so the widers
and old maids may have a shown vet
Texas used TO be the Lone Star state. but
she now has galaxy of shinin stars OF the
first magnitude; these are Coke, Cuibert- I
son. Mills, Jim Hogg, Tom Brown, Pres
rhurmond, Harry Tracy, Stump Ashby
and Cheatham's Chilton-ic
But best of all, Texas is the mother of
Bonham, where dwell sweet maids of every
ige, from the buddin, blushin, gauzy. giddy
Kings of sweet steen. to the coy, bewitchin, |
ind very marriageable damsels of untold
and untellin years. God bless them all, and
nay he provide husbands for all of them.
Girls, while there is life there is Hope-for
1t least one OF YOU So let me advise you i
o take Hope, or Bill Duncan, elther-if Il
you can't 10 any better.
Immediately after recess came the only
ober feature of the evenings exercises. |
md was highly appreciated by all after
having laughed themselves all but to death |
It the ridiculous fun of the "Destrick
Skule-" 1t was recitation by Miss
Clinton Huffman of Fort Worth entitled
The Brier Rose" The rendition OF the Il