The weekly tribune. [volume] (Great Falls, Mont.) 1891-1894, 1891-10-24
THE AWARD OF THE GODS.

the New York and Ohio elections wer
over Jupiter called a meeting on tn
highest crag Of Olympus and announced
that he would give a splendid prize t.
the man who had told the biggest Ii,
during the present political campaign
The attendance was immense. All tn,
gods and goddesses were present, anx
ious to see a real live American politician
Of whom they had heard so much. Mer
curry, who, in his youth was counted 6
pretty good liar himself, was there, Blu,
took a back seat, well knowing that ht
could not hold a candle to the notables
of this day and generation. Mars and
Vulcan and Hercules and Ajax and
Epeus. the chap who invented the
wooden horse by means of which Troy
wal taken, and Argus, whose eyes are
now seen in the tail of peacocks, and
Ascalaphus, who was turned into an owl
for lying about Proserpine, and Atlas,
who Dragged about packing the world on
his shoulders, and Briareus, who claimed
to have a hundred hands and fifty heads
and old Momus, who loved ridicule and
satire, and many other gods whose rep
utations as monumental liars had never
before suffered in the presence of mortal
men. And there were a great number
of goddesses who occasionally had told
a white lie and several not SO white.
Jupiter himself looked very fine. He
hadn't drank anything but Great Falls
water for t%wenty-four hours, but on this
occasion Venus and Juno. who attended
his wants, had provided him with a few
bowls of nectar from the Hoffman and a
keg or two of beer from the Milwaukee,
his cigars being bought at the Sideboard
and the Brunswick. Thus provided he
ordered Mercury to proclaim the council
open for business. Soon the mortals ar
in a great throng and a grand and
gorgeous sight it was to see. There
we're republican editors, and orators, and
strikers and hustlers and workers of
whom we hear every day. Mckinley was
here and so was Quay and Charlie War
en-, and "blocks of five" Dudley, and
w. Irwin, H., and Johnnie Daven.
'ort, and Johnnie Read and Steve
Ilkins and Col. Sanders, and Ingalls,
nd the Helena journal and Herald ed
tors, and Major Anderson and secretary
t the Treasury Foster and Tom Carter
nd John Sherman and Wanamaker and
II the other big and little liars who had
Or said anything about the New
'ork and Ohio campaigns.
Each had with him his pet lie and
ach was confident he would win the
rize. The competition Immediately be-
an and one by one they trotted out
wares. There were old lies musty
18th age, ancient lies that had grown a
beard, bald-headed lies that ceased {
attract. and old chestnuts hat made /
le gods smile a derisive smile. That |
vOrite lie about the manufacture of
nplate in America caused a shout of ,
lighter n a movement was made up G
the part of the gods toward the prize
hich they were going to give to Nc
but a wave of the hand from
lpiter arrested the intention and all +
ain took their seats and the contest |
mt on. The lie that the tariff keeps
} the wages of workingmen produced v
stunning effect. Several of the older r
DIS recled in their seats. The spirit of il
lanias, which had been lowering t
ound the assemblage, turned a bottle :.
cen with envy and dartcd back to t
DIES Disguised with its own poor s
Movements. The lie that the tariff is "
It a tax upon the caused all n
e gods to take off their hats to it's in ]
ntor. some went SO far as to publicly s
mpliment him on his ability as a pre- s
ricator. Then came a series of bloody O
irt lies. followed by the lie that the G
favors the maintenance of the u
riff. These were all applauded as
asterpieces of their kind. But the lie
the tariff on wool helps the Ameri- e.
n sheep grower brought down the "
use and again the crowd involuntarily "
wed toward the prize and again was q
checked by Jupiter. h
The competition was almost over +
piter sat open mouthed in his admira- n
N of the ingenuity of present day NOR 81
S. All the gods and godesses who n
d prided themselves upon their abil- N
to tell a smooth, healthy, stalwart C;
confessed themselves beaten, and sa- W
n, who had been in the background an II
terested listener, was fairly convulsed c.
laughter. He had never told such a
S himself when he was battling with 81
e angels of God in high heaven and Ii
| not think that mortals had outstrip- ft
d him in his chosen profession. Jupi- h
: was undecided. He was something "
a liar himself when he was counting
fair (tr,t ,n,.1. I -.