The Iola register., 1891-10-16
WIT AND HUMeR.

sunday Is the summer lanQiOTu Gay
of wrest.-BostoD Trrnscript.
Caudor doesn't necessitate treading
on other peoples cerns.-NcU fors
Herald,
Women may not be deep thinkers.
but they are generally clothes obserV-
ers.-1ezas Sytings.
Nobody complains of the failure Of
the bayfever crop this summer.-Bing-
hanlton Republican.
A biscuit trust is the latest in the
field. Ii threatens to be a regular
upper crust aHair.-RocheSter Post.
II think mistook my calling" said
the young man when his opponent laid
down four aces Washington Star.
A bonnet covered with birds does
not sing. but it makes a man whistle
when the bill comes in.-1eIas Sitt-
inJs.
The inventor of the Waterbury watch
| died-which reminds one. somehow,
of winding sheet. - Philadelphia
Ledger.
AMY hear you are engaged
again. Mabel?n Mabel - Yes; l
signed new fiance last night. ."-Pitts-
burg Chronicle.
In China the men buy their wives,
and in this country the wife often dis
covers that she has been sold.-Baiti-
more ABlertcaB-
Il am lord of the foul and the
brute" might have been written of the
prize-tight referee, but it wasn't.-LH-
diaHdpolis Journal.
1t is no wonder that the spring
| chicken can boast of 4 large crop when
he takes everything in by the peck
BtltimOre AHerican.
She-"Yes. poor old fido has got so
old he has lost his voice" He-'Why
don't you give him Peruvian bark?'-
Minneapolis Journal.
Don't wait until your life is in dam
ger before you pray. You will botch
the job unless you have had previous
practice.-Adrtha's Vineyard Herald.
There goes a spanking team" re-
marked Willie Brown to Tommy Jones
as the two boys mothers walked down
the street together. r.-Bufato Express.
Adams-"Well, Jones. been getting
drunk again?" Jones (angrily)-
That's my business" Adams (pleas-
antly)-'So understand. ."-Life's ca
lendar.
Povertv-strieken Suitor-"Be mine,
Amanda, and / will treat you like an
angelo" Amanda should think so!
Nothing to eat. and still less to wear.
Not me"-Figaro.
1t is said that in the japanese Ian
guage there is no word for kiss. In
japan. therefore. while kissing NAV be
common. it is impossible to kiss and
tell.-Boston Transcript.
Jimmy Briggs-''I wish my big sis
ter was brother. A sister amt no
fun at ALL" Tommy Figs-'.Ain't?
Wy, have my sister cryin mad most
every day."-Indiapapolis Journal.
If YOU will but notice IT, there are
more learned fools in this world than
ignorant ones; or is it because thew
nave better facilities for exhibiting
their foolishness?-B0StoH Transcript
Bachelor-'.F Fred, how would you
define a love letter?" Benedict-':A
love letter is thing that ten years
afterward You generally wish you
hadn't written. -PhiiGdeiph5a Record.
We'll" said Adam, as the gate
snapped behind them. this makes our
wedding trip regular" What makes
it reguIar?' pouted Eve. I'VE are
going via the Falls."-NeI0 Tor5 Her.
G!d
Uncle Josh-"What's that thing?"
City Nephew-"rhat's u sprinKling
cart" Uncle Josh-'It don't seem to
br sprinkling much" City Nephew
Wait till it gets to crossing."-Go0d
NeUS.
Wife-''Onr little Willie ought to
have white flannel suit to wear ut the
seashore, dear" Husband - Then
why don't you send my old one out
and have it washed?" = Clothier and
Far1!ister.
That composition of yours is truly
Wagnerian. Where did you get the
idea?" My boy exploded a giant
cracker and pack of ordinary crack
ers in my upright piano last Fourth Of
Claim Agent-"And on what ground
do you claim a pension?" Applicant
My feelings were wounded by the
recruiting officer who rejected me be-
cause of physical imperfections." y
Buffalo Express.
Gentleman-"I never had such a
perfect polish on these boots as you
have given them" Western Hotel
Porter (modestly)-"I used to be a
private soldier in the regular army
Neto York Weekly.
First Statesman-"How is the Off
cial investigation into those Doodle
charges coming on2n Second States
man-.'Splendidly. splendidly. We've
succeeded in not finding out thing"
-NeD York Weekly.
Watts-"How tender-hearted Judge
Bigsley is.n Potts-"Yes?" Watts
Yes. There was boy up before
him yesterday who cried for only half
an hour. and the Judge let him have
ten days."-Inidanapotis Journal.
One occasionally reads of the discov-
cry of the petriied remains of human
beings. Is this to be taken as indicat-
ing that there may have been those in
days of yore who succeeded in making
themselves soiid?-DetroI Free Press
Shade of Crook-"An old pal of
mine is in trouble in New York"
Satan-That's all right. I'll look after
him when l go up tomorrow. You
know l have pull with both the
police and the Aldermen.-NeU York
Herald.
The first thlno a man does on reach-