davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
THE RUNNING TURF.

Arnica to Sport SILK at the Beach
Today.
There will be racing today at Brighton
Beach. The starters with the weights
in the principal events are as follows:
One mile-Rambler, 119; DR.. Hell
muth, 112; Seymour, 112; St. John,
l0S; Beck, 1O9; Houston, 10Y; Bessie
K. 102.
Fiye-eighths of Watterson,
ITO; Belleview, ITO; Luray, no; Sir
Lancelot, no; Dalsyrian, 10; Eclipse,
ITO; Retrieve, ITO; Kitty T., 10; Cath
crime, ITO; Hannibal, ITO.
Five-eighths of mile, maidens-Air-
shaft, 118; Pedestrian, Ill Arnica, Ill !;
Roy, ITO; Coldwave, lOs; Mag Murphy,
l05; Medusa, Nan Hubbard. 1O3 Lola
N, 100; Belle d., los; Caution, 100; Ka-
turah, 100; Reaction, ITO.
Thirteen-sixteenths of a mile-Gray
Dawn, 152; Sporting, Kingstock, Ro-
nance, Chilhowie, Sithbert, st. Luke,
Newberg, Jersey Pat, $50; Longstride,
l5O; Hairspring, 147; Mirthwood, 1856 !;
Sir George, Roseyille, Dictum, al.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
A "Fake" Fight.

The fight which took place at an early
hour yesterday morning near Santa
Monica ended rather abruptly in the
second round. The whole thing savored
of the fake, yet about thirty sports
stayed up all night and yielded up two
dollars to see the colored gladiator
knocked out.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

FISCHER-In this city, John Fischer, of Ana
helm Lodge No. 1879. l. o. 0. f., Anaheim,
CAL, aged 70 years and months.
Friends and acquaintances are respectfully
invited to attend the funeral, at l. o. o. F.
hall, Los Angeles Tuesday, at /: 80 p. m. All
Odd Fellows and canton members are re-
quested to attend in full uniform Services will
be conducted by Brother Will Knighten at
the hall.
IRVINE-July 10th, at Riverside, Rev. Robert
Mayne Irvine, pastor of Second Presbyterian
church of Los Angeles, son of George and
Margaret Irvine, aged % years, months and
90 days.
Funeral from Second Presbyterian church,
corner Downey avenue and DAILY street, Tues
day, July 2lst, at 80 p. m.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
Obscure slurgers.

VAcAvILLE. July 19.-The athletic
club here gave a boxing match last
night for $500 purse between Roberts
and Muller. There was big crowd and
a good fight, but the match was decided
draw. 1t will be settled some time dur
ing the week. !. " rs.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
Political Arrest. in Germany,

BERLIN, July 19.--The police today
arrested many persons and seized large
number of documents in towns and vii
lages. of Hanover. It is said the docu-
ments prove the existence of treasona-
BILE unions and clubs subsidized by the
duke of Cumberland. The clerical
papers, however, say this is only an
excuse for the contiscation of Guelph
funds.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

stopped Billy Manning in three rounds
at San Diego. He is feet 81 inches
high, and weighs 143 pounds. Lewis is
an inch taller, and weighs 150 pounds.
DAGwoRTH.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
The Only Little Jim.

Saturday night at the Horton house,
San Diego, James Morley, of this city,
essayed to play 100 to 80 points at pool
with w. A. Kramer. Morley won by
100 to So. After the game the Angelefio
gave an exhibition of fancy shots.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
Victims of Niagara.

NIAGARA FALLS, July 19.-Early this
morning two bodies were discovered in
the whirlpool, floating around in the ed
dies. One was entirely nude. 1t is sup
posed to be the body of woman. The
other was partly clothed.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

Geo. ]. Isaacson. matchmaker, jeweler, en-
graver and diamond setter, LAG North Main
opposite W. U. Tel. Los Angeles All worn
warranted and satisfaction guaranteed.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

"The last teaspoonful in the can is as
good as the first" is the testimony of
every woman who uses Royal Baking
Powder. -.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

No well regulated household should be with
out Angostura Bitters, the celebrated appe-
tizer Manufactured by DR.. J. B. G. Siegert &
Sons. Ask your druggist.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

Fine seal hand sewed russet shoes at
Gibson & Tyler Co. for s.; former price
$3.50.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
DIED.

THE NEW ERA, No. Court street. Fine
wines and liquors. Ed Wenger, proprietor.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

Pure California wines at H. j. Woollacott,
124 and 1875 N. Spring street.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

Tom Rodman will sell auction pools
on the Choynski-G Goddard contest this
evening. Everybody is invited.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
Dyspepsia


Makes many lives miserable, and often leads b
selfdestruction. Distress after eating, sick head
ache, heartburn, sour stomach, mental depres
sion, ETC., are caused by this very common and
increasing disease Hoods sarsaparilla tones
the stomach, creates an appetite, promotes d.
gestion, relieves headache, clears the mind, and
cures dyspepsia
In . Terrible Condition.
slowe my Life to Hoods sarsapardIla For I've
yean was In terrible condition with dyspepsia.
could eat nothing but soda crackers, and my
weight fell from 10 to LES pounda Hoods eaR.
saparilla helped me 1t once, and altar udns n
bottles was entirely cured. have gained my
usual weight, 10 pounds, and have had excsllan1
health ever since." 7. WILCOX X-X II South
Street, Salt Lake City. Utah.
Headache-Hot Flashes.
"I had headache. hot flashes, soreness and
swelling across my body, pain In my right side.
with frequent vomiting. I used Hoods sazsa-
parills with the best resultA am In better
health than for four years Hoods sarsaparillA
Il safe, reliable. and sure" J. C. WIIIsoN, An
burn, Cal.
Hoods Sarsaparilla
Sold BY Druggists. 81; six for IS Prepared only
By CT. HOOD 4 CO.. Apothecaries, Lowell, MaaA
100 Doses One Dollar
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

Have your boots and shoes repaired at the
new shoe factory, 119 =. Second street.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
AMERICAN REPUBLICS.

Labor Demoralized In Brazil Since the
Slaves Were Freed.
WASHINGTON, July ia letter to the
bureau. of American republics says
Since the emancipation Of slaves in
Brazil, domestic service, as agricultural
labor, has been greatly demoralized.
The former slaves refuse to work for
love or money. The city council OF Rio
Janeiro attempted to regulate domestic
service by an ordinance prohibiting
servant leaving household unless
thirty days. notice was given, but the
measure has been disapproved by the
minister of the interior, whose sanction
is necessary.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
ARGENTINE TRADE DECREASING.

According to official statistics The I'M
ports of the Argentine Republic
for the past three months of the
present fiscal year were $19.75S, ,291,
against $42, ,959 1888 during the same Pc
riod the preceding year. The exports
were $50, ,202 $40, against $40, ,52l ,092 the
preceding year.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20
Dainty Foods
Demand it.

N EVERY Re-
ceipt that calls for
l|| baking powder,
use the "Royal."
"A Better results will
be obtained because it is
the purest. 1t will make
the food lighter, sweeter,
of finer flavor, more di-
gestible and wholesome.
1t is always reliable and
uniform in its work.
IL have found the Royal Baking
Powder superior to all others.
&C. CORFU, Chef, Delmonico' S."
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

The engagement is announced of Mics
Lena Sharp and Mr.. Ray Anthony. The
wedding will take place early in August.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

On Tuesday Jake Kilrain and Billy
Woods are to come together. To be
candid, I know very little about Billy
Woods. He is regarded in.some quar-
ters as a coming man. Ny opinion of
Kilrain is very we'll known to the read
gent opinion to offer. The pugilistic
editor of the New York Sun thinks that
Kilrain has walk-over. Here is what
he says:
Los Angeles herald., 1891-07-20

William Black and Lewis, of Sacra-
ment0, come together at the Novelty
theatef, Tuesday evening. Lewis has
met sueh men as Billy Cannon, Jack
Cannon Jack Burns and Billy Graham.
He is said to have stopped the latter in
two rouRdss Black: claims to have
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
Domestic Markets.
by telegraph

NEW YORK. June 2. 1891.-The Flour market
-recepts 1888 packages: exports 634I bbs
and II ,o6O sacksi quiet and weak; sales 1880
Flour quotations extras at 90a4 so;
city mills extra at 0O@5 80; city mills patents
30. fair to fancy at A 55@5 40; patents at 4 rs
90 70i Minnesota clear 5Oa5 Is; straights do
A. at s69S 30; do patents o09e TO- do rye mix:
GA 20 Southern -four duh and heavy. Rye Flour
quiet. Cornmeal is quiet and steady. Wheat
sales lac, 900 bush flower and moderately active
costing steadier; No Red 10 store, and elev'
Ind0hgl lo4 atoat, Io14@1 llN ;; No i
arrive 1874 a. 49, No Chicago :. Rye quiet
and steady. Corn-receipts $4,000 bush; ex-
weaker; closed stronger with fair trade; No at
6s@64c eley. "a a64ssc afloat. Oats-receipfs
h 1880 bush; exports 61s bush; safes $4,000
4sA @4ss4 q; No at soc: do While 5sc; mixed
state 5oSe6e No Chicago asa4sz &C. Cs %ase
raagssseady and quiet refined quiet and easy;
at 7.lec: No 10 at 3$s; No IL at 3asc; No IL
at 5 l6 ;of 8 ID 1898 15-16c; Mould A 4ss;
loaf and crushed ga powdered Az G granHiated
and quiet: united at 6912c., Pork is quiet and
unchanged. Beef quiet and steady; beef hams
unchanged and quiet ;tierced beef steady and dull:
cut meats quiet and weak; middles are quiet and
57 city co. rened QUIET for Cost teS az
4O96 So; s. A. 7.45. Batter-choice firm and
Ws demand state dairy l4ai9; do erm 15@lsc;
Cheese about steady and more doing; State SGS
91Ac; fancy 91s@91ac.
" steam ga I'd. e,'''-
CHICAGO. June 2, lS91-Flour is unchanged
ana gun. wheat lower; light trade; No spring
and 0IM n NO S,6 Red onaa9l Q21a. Corn opened
oo24c. Oats moderately active and firm; No at
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
ROYAL BLUE LINE.
GRAND Trunk RAILWAY on CAAAD

On &na after MONDAY, Oet. AZ, 1870.
trains will run ms follows
DEPARTUREs.
Fer Auburn and Lewiston, 7.2O a. M,
12.46 and b.t2 p. m. For GoranHn, 700 a. m.
l.S0 and 6.12 p. IN. For W onGreai aud chi.
rngo, 100 a. m, and 1.30 p. m. For Quebec,
I.3O p. m. For Buckneid and Canton,
TOO m, and 1.30 p. m.
ARRIVALS
From Lewiston and Auburn, 1926 a. m.-
1915 $40 and $50 p. IN. From ssOrham,
S.26 a. m, 1915 and s. AZ p. m. From
chicago and Montreal, 1915 and SAG y. IN.
From Quebec, 1915 p. m. From Island
Pond, (Mlxea) TOO p. m.
rullman Palace sleeping Cars on might
train, and Parlor cars on day train between Por
land and Montreal
TICKET OFFICE.
SO Exchange ST., and 0suol Foot Of India ShssI.
Lowest fares from Portland, Yarmouth June.
tlon and Danyille Junction as follows: To Chicago
500 and S16.76; Detroit S16.76 and 1890; Kan
sas City S3l.50 and s27.OO; st. Paul S31 so and
S27.26: st. Louis via Detroit s23.76 and s19.25l
st. Loulsyia Chicago S27.16 and S22.7O; San Fran.
cisco. California, S00.25 and S61.25. These rates
are sui iect to change.
L. J. sEARGEANT, General Manager.
oct27 dtf
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
LChicago Tribune.

us Mr.. Shykes at homer" inquired q
caller at house in the suburbs yesterday
morning.
mo, SIR" said Mrs. Shykes. "He is in
the city,"
"Can you tell me where will be likely
to find him? My business with him is
somewhat urgent"
YES, sir. You will find him in the city
at No. blankety-seven Dearborn street."
An hour later the man who had impor-
tant business with Mr.. Shykes found him
self in front of No. blankety-seven Dear
born street. The building was one of the
new 'steen story cloud piercers that line
that highway of commerce. He looked
half way to the top, took a rest, and then
lifted his gaze to the last row of windows.
"How many rooms are there in this
building?" he asked of man who was
whiting stick in the doorway.
II dunno. Bout 500. guess" was the
..eply.
The man in search of Mr.. Shykes assist
ed his weary gaze down to earth again,
shook his head dismally, and turned away.
"Life is too short" he said
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
Hints to Cook.
Texas Siftings.l

IL is proposed to establish school for
teaching cooking, and the following is a
proposed list of studies:
From to offending broken crockery.
From 8 to 10-French, or music lessons.
From 10 to 11-Meditations on what pres
ents cook should receive at Christmas,
and the feasibility of flirting with the
coachman.
From IL to 12-Exercise in writing love
letters, and the best method of arranging
the hair.
From 2 to 3-Studying up toilets for
balls and parties, and the importance of
securing a position in family where the
dresses of the lady of the house fit the
cook.
From to Allow to be impudent, and
the best method of giving the lady of the
house notice of leaving. How to most eff
fectively snub the mistress when she enters
the kitchen
From to 5-Discussion of the question
whether it is practicable to burn the roast
when you EXPECT your nnliaemaD to sup
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
FREIchTs.

The following are recent charters:
Bark Annie Lewis, Portland to Buenos Ayres
lumber SO.
Bark Au Sable, and Schr G. M. Adams, Kenne
bee to PHILADELPHIA, ice 60c.
Brig Cnas. A. Sparks, Turks Island 10 New
York, Philadelphia or Baltimore, salt enc.
Schr Maggie Ellen, Kennebec to New York ,lum-
Der 81 rs loaded and tow.
schr Katie g. Robinson, Somes' Sound to New
ark, paving SIS net
Schr Allen Green, Granite Island to New York,
paving SIS.
Schr A. w. Fske, Belfast to New York, paving
SOC ~ ton net.
Schr E. Fl. Naylor, Haggett's Cove to Richmond,
Va, ice zoe.
Barge David Brown, and Schr G. J. White, New
York to Portland, coal p. t.
Schr Cassie +. Bronson, Portland to Glen Cove,
empty bbls &c.
Schr F. Il. Odiorne, Wheeler's Bay to Albany,
paving $22 so.
Schr Matte ]. Allies, Portland to New York,
shocks and heads p. {.
Schr Matte B. Russell, Apalachicola to Carde.
mas, lumber $40, sc, 600 it daily loading and dis
charging.
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
Testing a Trunk.
New York World.1

A slim faced man with a graveyard
cough was inspecting some trunks in front
of Grand street store yesterday, when
the proprietor of the store appeared and
asked:
Looking for trunk, sir?"
"Yes."
Here's the best four dollar trunk ever
made, and Pm the only one that sells 'em
at less than five dollars"
mo good" replied the pale faced man,
with sorrowful shake of the head. 'One
of these trunks wouldn't stand the jour
ney from here to Poughkeepsie."
What rll warrant 'em to go around
the worldi Take hold of one and bang it
about and convince yourself"
do you give me leave to wrassle with
one?"
"Of course dol Take right hold"
The man with the graveyard cough drew
in full breath, called out: "Sche-neck-
ta-day," as if warning carload of passen-
gers, and then reached for the trunk.
"Ripv' went one of the handles; "r-i-pr'
went the other, and as he stood it on end
and upset it and Topped it back again one
hinge busted loose and the cover split in
Two. With twist of the wrist he gave it
a slam bang which completed the wreck,
and with bow to the trunkman he Joined
the crowd and disappeared
Upon my soulp' gasped the proprietor
as he viewed the ruins, "but made a big
mistake in himl He's baggage master
instead of dying traveller"
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
TOO MANY AIRS.
IL he hadn't Asked too many Ques-
lions he Might have StaId.
Arkansas Traveller. ]

A traveller that had stopped at tumble
down log house in a wild part of Kentucky
was much disguised with the corn bread
and rancid bacon that was placed upon the
table.
81 don't see how you can stand such fare
all the time" said the traveller, speaking
to the Landlord"
"Wall, mebby yo' eyesight amt as good
as mine. Eff it was reckon yo' could see
it."
81 see number of chickens in the ward.
Why don't you kill some of theman
"They amt never done me no harm y
said the Kentuckian.
But why don't you eat some of them ,n
"Wall, they don't belong to me. They
air mam's."
."Why don't you kill one of those young
pigs out there?"
jest as soon kill one out there as any,
whar, but amt got nothin' agin any one
of them"
them?"
"oh, wall, they don't belong to me.
They are Mans"
Il see you have turkeys. Why don't
you eat some of thema"
'They don't belong to me. They air
Bill's."
''Is there anything on the place that be-
longs to youT
"Yas, I've got pint cup"
SIS that all?p
"AllP' Indignantly exclaimed the Ken
tuckian. "Why, confound yo' hide, what's
better to drink ticker outen than a pint
cupi Look here, do you think Pm stuck
up an don't want to 'sociate with my
neighbors? Stranger, Pm afeerd that if
you stay round here long you will learn
our people how to put on airs. 1 reckon
you'd better mosey."
"But don't want to leave during such
weather as this"
Mister, when the morals of a neighbor-
hood are at stake the weather don't amount
to nothin'; yo' boss is out thar in the sta
bic, an yander is the road. Moseyi Nam,
step out thar an turn that bulldog looseP'
That evening about o'clock a weary
and drenched map was seen jogging along
a muddy road
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
He Was With Him.

lN0W 1OIk
lie was a dyspepJlc LOOKING man, WIN a
mustache like barbed wire fence, and
bald spots on his overcoat where the nap
had stopped sprouting. He hung to strap
ON Sixth avenue train, and when the en-
gineer put on double speed to lurch around
the curve at Fifty-third street he troa on
all the feet around him, and then woke up
to conversation with friend.
"Oh, I'm an old hand at boarding houses, u
he said, with a sort of hall board.
er chuckle. "Pve sampled pretty nearly
every boarding house between Thirty.
third street and Fourteenth street. never
stay over three months in one house-sort
of size it up and move on"
What makes you do thati" inquired a
friend.
"Well, Pm a terrible kicker-begin to
kick and then move. But where am
now I've actually staid eleven months"
Nothing to kick about?"
"Well, no. Pve tried the other plan.
The landlady has a daughter, and when
anything is wrong | bring her up fifty
cents worth of flowers or candy, and tell
you things move"
Dad plan." said the friend .senten-
tiously.
"Why?"
Don't pay attention to the landlady's
daughter"
Nothing of the kind" said the dyspep-
tic looking man. 81 never thought of
such thing"
"She does"
"What"
"She thinks you mean to marry her."
"Oh, she couldn't" said the strap cling
ing boarder, albeit a trifle redder, and then
there was silence till just as the train left
Blocker street the dyspeptic young man
ssid:
"John."
WHAT"
~ think I'll move over on East Eight
zenith street next week"
"What'll the landlady's daughter says"
"Well, THAT is-fact is, she's going
too u
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
A Hint to Teachers.

Don't give up the boy who sits in the
back seat and wears his coat collarless.
his hair non la Pompadour, and his
finger nails in mourning, who won't
learn his lessons and who will get into
mischief. knew a teacher who had a
pupil just like him. She showed inter-
est in him; she visited his parents, and
didn't act as if their language and man.
ners made them devoid of all fine feel
ing. She asked him to help her about
some work after school one night, and
said: "By the way, John, we know each
other pretty well now. l like you and
hope you like me. l want you to do
something for me, will your"
eff / can," was the answer.
"Come to school tomorrow with col
lar, comb your hair nicely and pare your
finger nails. You see like you as you
are now, but want other people to like
you too, and they won't if you are care
less about your appearance"
Do you think the boy hated her? No.
He was never seen untidy after that
evening. He graduated from the high
school with honors, and is today filling
a responsible position in society. He
swears by that teacher. She made a
man of him.
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
Grain Quotations.
CHICAGO BOARD OF TRADE.
tuesdays quotations.
eoston Produce Marka,-

davis quotations OF Provisions, &C.: "
Pork-IOng cuts Is b0114 90; short c,,tq I a 7s
OLA 25; backs at Ia 0O914 %; lean ends il ia
ola 90: pork tongues 10 509I7 90: mass rorS ~
IS 50; prime mess Is 5o@l7oo; extra prime ei az I
Hams at 1oc; small at 1o1sc; pressed hams
Iard-ChoIce 71sc y ib in ties and tubs.lo.
Hcgs-Choice city dressed 71xc % III country do
SAC.
higher; firsts and extra irsts 15@I7c :extra imira
ton cream 1eg17c; others = &C factory CHOICE
at I40I5c; New York and Vermont extra cresmv
l9@2oc; extra arsts q g; New New York and Vt dairy
10 choice at 18@19c. The above mot. k 0
are receivers prices for strictly wholesale iots
Cheese-Northern choice 109lO1bc: Western
extras 9@91sc. "'''0A
stock higher. frsts 1Sc; extra Vermont anSfNa ~
Hampshire 919c western extras1 SSSIsi%c".
michigan choice at 1870. Jobbing mica s IL
higher. -,
killed spring chickens 25@3Oc; fowls i4S5i 6 s.
fair to good &C 11@13c; Western frozen turkey,
2Beans- Choice small New York hand-picked At
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
Quotations Of Staple Products In New
York, Chicago and st. Louis.
Stocks and Bonds.

At New York money has been easy. RANGING
from 2M@4 per cent; last loan at 2h. closing at
21s per cent. Prime mercantile paper AZ 6IsS7
per cent Sterling Exchange quiet and firm for
bankers bills, with actual business at AZ for
eo-day bills, ssh for demand ;posted rates are
4s5h@4 S9M. Commercial bills 4 s3lhtO4 81
and STA. Government bonds are duh and
firm. RAILROAD bonds dun and generally steady.
In the stock market after IL O'clock the bust
ness done was light. fluctuations were small.
though the tendency Of prices was still inward :
and small fractional gains were scored all along
the line over best figures of the forenoon. Trad.
ing featureless. After delivery hour the market
was dull, except for st Paul, Union Pacific and
one or two other stocks. remained firm without
social feature at slight fluctuations, the market
closing quiet and strong at highest prices.
The transactions at the Stock Exchange agpre-
gated 2O4,6O0 shares.
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
cRANDMoThERs' DAYS,
BY MRS. NJ. W. BLAcKER.

In our grandmothers' days. when a cabin rude.
diminished and bare, held the little all
vi the pair who were building the household
fire,
Inc light of it falling on window and wall,
was there less of happiness then than now2
In our grandmothersi days, when the kettle
swung
On the sooty crane in the chimney wide,
And the spitted fowl, that sputtered and sung,
Swung gently from side to side,
Was there less Of happiness then than now7
In our grandmothers' days, when the broad
stone hearth
Was the trysting place Of the lovers dear,
And the high backed settle reflected the glow
OF the freight on faces suggestively near,
Was there less of happiness then than now2
In our grandmothers' days, when the children
came,
And the humble home was filed with glee,
As, clothed in their garb OF homespun, they
roamed
And frolicked like birds and butterflies free,
Was there less of happiness then thannow?
In our grandmothers' days. when the cradle
stood
In sound Of the burning, whirring wheel,
And the baby crooned and clapped his hands
AT each click of the swiftly revolving reel,
Was there less of happiness then than now?
In our grandmothers' days, when trouble came,
And sometimes even the wolf, to the door,
Tho home was their castle and love lent IL
grace,
And If oft times the battle Of life was full sore
Was there less of happiness then than nowP
SGood Housekeeping.
The Portland daily press., 1891-06-03
s--"A Poor Joke, He Thought.

at was like this: goes into the We'll
ington for lunch. Just as I'm sitting
down in comes Jack Austin, the closest
old skinfint in six counties. Well, he sits
down at my table and says he'll tell me a
funny story. l size it up that he's get
ting into me for the lunch, see? 1 only
have about $3.50 in my clothes, seer let
him order first, and he goes and orders
woodcock and things like that, up to $685.
This kind of freezes me, and SO tell him
Pm feeling sick, and all want is cup of
coffee and some crackers. That costs a
quarter, and makes the bill up to the limit
of my pile, see? Well, we eat our lunch
and Jack tells funny stories, and pretty
soon the waiter makes out two checks,
with a total of $780,
Here says Jack, give me your check.
I'll pay for the lunch
"Now, call that one of the most das-
tardly jokes. If / had suspected he was
going to do anything like that / would
have eaten about six dollars worth"