The Press., 1891-04-02
DEACON VS. PARSON.

pine Hollow charge three months previous to the time of which we write, yet during this time the parson had made great host of ffriends-especially is this assertion true so far as the female portion of his flock was concerned.
 It is a well established fact that the peo pie of Porcupine Hollow believe and prac tice the doctrine of marrying and multi plying the inhabitants of Arkansas in tht fullest sense of the term, and if 8 mans wife dies he has another. selected to take her place by his freside before his ''late lamented" gets cold, so that accounts fol the scarcity of widows and widowers ir that region. E.
 As before intimated, the parson was cut ting a big swath among the marriageable women of his charge. In some manner the intelligence preceded him that he was a bachelor, and the fair members of his flock formulated 8 series of resolutions each in her own mind, to outrival her sis ters. Every art known to the feminine mind was brought into requisition, anc for two months it would have been ex tremely difficult to conjecture who would gain the ultimate victory.
 After two months had flown by on rapid wings, however, the parsons heart lay at
 
 damsel, and for the next month his atten tions were given to her exclusively. That fact had caused many of the good sisters to grow green with envy, because one o1 their more modest number had won SC much attention from the parson, while they were left at the mercy of the few eligible men in the matrimonial market.
 Outside of this there had been nothing to mar the fraternal harmony of the par ish, nor had anything of an exciting char. acter happened since the parsons advent. On Saturday evening, however, Deacon Derby sent for the parson to visit his wife, who was then wading out into the chilly waters of death, and she passed over the divide in few minutes after the arrival of the parson.
 The parson tried to console the deacon on the ground that this loss was his wifes gain, and spake in very fattering terms of the departed to which the deacon replied:
 "Ya-as, Sindy wuz CT mighty dootiful wife, an wuz CT mos powerful hard wurk- CT. an only las' week she hood ther ter, packer down in ther bottom field, cut ther sprouts outen the moo groun' corn on ther ridge, toted CT sack CT corn ter mill, cleared ther brush offen that air acre lot down thar by ther crick fer CT turnip patch, an made two hundred rails arter doin' ther housewurk, an yit ye hev' ther gall to say lat orter to be consigned an not complain ner grumble ner nothin', wen ther haint CT womarD in Porcupine Holer at 'uld do nigh ther wurk lat she'd do."
 ''Oh," said the parson, "I know it would be hard to find her equal, and realize that you will miss her very much, but her lot here was full of labor, and now that she is at rest you should look forward to the time when you will meet again"
 'Ya-as, mebbe that air so, but it do pear purity rotten bad 'at she he'd ter up an die jes' at ther very busiest part O the yer, an it'll take nigh fifty pounds O my las' yer's terbaeker crap ter put Ter erway, an then thar'n be ther terbacker ter sucker'n worm ergin nex' week, an I'm ded sartin ter hefter do it myself"
 "Yes, but grum bling will do no good now, my dear brother, and then your wife was a faithful Christian, and has gone to that blissful cline where the weary are at rest, and therefore we should be glad even in our sorrow for her blessed hope of a bright future"
 That pears ter be all ye preacher fellers think erbout, but ye never onct think O ther expense wat CT man is put ter wen his wife draps off. Tve had four wives aside Sindy, an wen they upt an died he'd ter bury lem, an it's cost me ernuff ter keep me in terbacker'n Ticker fer four year ter put lem erway un'er ther daisies, but es ye say, guess it's no use ter argy enny longer erbout it. Thar's some nice walnut blanks down thar in ther boss shed lat he'd sorter sot my mind ter use fer CT terbacker box lat we kin make her coffin outen, an ef yell be erbleegin' ernuff ter ax old Dan Skinner ter come over an help me make ther coffin I'll be erbleeged ter ye."
 ''I will do so," said the parson, ''but when will the funeral take placer"
 "Termorry, O co.'s. D
 The funeral was largely attended, and being the first at which the parson had oficiated in the parish he delivered an elo- quent oration.
 The next day half a dozen men were seated on log in front of the store, and late bereavement of the deacon, and one finally said:
 "Wonder who ther deacon I'll hitch onter next?"
 "He tole me vile we wuz maxim ther coffin," said Skinner, "'at he had sot his eye on Lindy Wells.''
 "Goshimighty," exclaimed Tom Jump CT, "but ther parsons got Ger solid enuff."
 ''Ther parson hes bin CT sottin' ter Lindy shore huff, but I've CT mind ter bet CT plug CT noo prized terbacker lat ther deacon knocks his eye out 'ith Lindy less'n CT week." rejoined Skinner.
 "Pll go ye," said Jumper.
 "Say, who's that CT comin' down yan- der3" asked one, pointing toward the fur ther side of the little stream.
 "It's ther deacon, bedad," said Squire Munger. ss a..s. .sa s...=l. ....0 ...
 Hello, deacon," said Skinner, as he ap- preached the crowd.
 "Kin'er blue terday," said the deacon, taking chew of long green as he sat down.
 We've jes' bin CT talkin' erbout ye."
 "Hey, ehs''
 "Uh-huh. feel tarnation sorry fer ye, but reckon yell git married erginP
 "Ya-as, 'speckt will, mebbe but hain't he'd time ter think erbout it much yit."
 Thought ye wuz kin'er thinkin' erbout knockin' ther parson out 'ith Lindy Wells7" said Jumper. @ ' '
 "Wal, 1 reckon she'd be glad ernuff ter git me, but he'd ter make ther coffin yis- terday mornin' an bury ther ole 'oman in Cher evenin', an it tuck me nigh mos ther hull day ter straighten erroun' arter that, an hain't bin ter see Ter yet, but eff ther squire'l go 'ith me we'll jes' go oyer'n see Ger, an hev it done 'ith."
 Look a yanderp' exclaimed two or three in breath. ~f E#
 ''Who be it9" asked the deacon, adjust ing his glasses.
 "I'll be dadgast my gizzard eff it hain't ther parson an Lindy," said Skinner.
 Wal, he's jest nachually got ter stop it CT lick me-" said the deacon, "an' I'll go over thar ter night am see wat she hes ter say erbout it."
 The deacon went home, took down his old blue jeans coat, got pair of trousers to match. which had been pulled too soon If your cough keeps you awake and 'esdess by night, take Ayers Cherry Pectoral and obtain immediate relief. This remedy allays inflammation, heals he pulmonary organs, induces sleep, and 'estores health. The sooner you begin he better.