Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1891-03-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

Rameses.- Washington Star.
You need help to raise laugh. but
you can heave sigh alone. --Indiana'
polls Journal.
Times up" remarked the fellow
who had just pawned his watcl.--
Ionkers Statesman.
There is no rose without thorn, but
there are many thorns without roses
Indianapolis Journal.
There are better things in this world
than money, but it takes money to buy
acknowledgements Journal.
We hate to see girls throw kisses.
The average girl is such laundering
bad shot.-Binghanton Leader.
Johnson-''And 80 Jimson has gone
to his reward?" Rronson-"Yes. poor
fellow! I'm afraid he has" ~ Y
HeralU
Teacher-''What are the agricultural
products of lreland?" Tommy -
Potatoes aud Irish bulls "-Bufalo
Express.
The heroism that can wear old
clothes until able to buy new is said to
be the most lonely feeling on earth
RIMS Horn.
The Lord knew what was best for
mans peace Of mind when he failed to
put eyes in the back of his head
Atchison Globe.
A man must feel at home to be easy
IN conversation. Send barber to Con-
gress and he will not talk at all.-Neau
Orleans Picayune.
1t has been ascertained at last why
DR.. Koch's lymph should pay a duty.
1t interferes with home CONSUMPTION. =
New Hauen Register
The man who said that "Alrs fair in
love or war;" is undoubtedly the man
who got the best of it in both cases. -
NeW Orleans Picayune.
He-''Why did your sistelYreturn so
soon from Vassar?" She-"She tiunked
on the entrance examination in SLAM
guages. ~ Y. herald.
Have you anything to say, prison.
er?" asked the Judge. mo. your
Honor, except that it takes very little
to please me- hiladelohia Times.
The Lord helps those WHO help them.
selves, but the Devil steps in and takes
charge when they help themselves to
more than their share. -Atchison Globe.
1t is just 100 years since the first plug
hat was made. Senator Evarts refuses
to loan it for exhibition at the Worlds
Fair for fear of taking cold.-Omaha
Bee.
II must 60 see that performance.
"Whv?' 1T must be wonderful. The
star actress. according to the bills, is
supported by her husband" ~. Y.
herald.
Sauso-"Is he a dignifed man?"
Rodd-''Well. should says he is.
Why, that man could step on banana
peel without losing his dignity
Nunsey's Weekly.
If fools did not laugh at their own
folly man would have to travel long
and tiresome days journey before he
was cheered by the sound of laugh
Atchison Globe.
Hicks-"Why is it that there is never
4 match in this house?" Mrs. Hicks
II can't make matches!" Hicks
That's strange; your mother couldl"
N. Y. Herald.
John Doe-'Are you CARRYING a
mortgage on your house?' Richard
Roe-"Yes! and, strange to say. I'm
carrying 1t because can't lift it,
Boston Transcript.
place a dollar close enough to your
eye and it will hide the sun. saws some
philosopher; and yet the further away
dollar is the bigger it seems.-hs-
dianapolis Journal.
The visitor (viewing the new baby)
DO you think he is going to resem-
bic his father?' The mother = IL
shouldn't be surprised. He keeps me
up every night."-N. Y. Sun.
Stranger in Washington-''What has
happened - what is all that n,ise
about?" Resident - 20. that's Gen.
Greedy celebrating-one of his weather
forecasts has come true."-N. y. San.
The Chinaman who lighted his pipe
while repairing a powder mill has
given up smoking. 1t takes a long
time for some men to learn that to-
bacco is injurious.-Louisrilte Journal.
II wonder" said the editors wife,
'why nature made some of the stars so
much smaller than Others" Il sup
pose" replied the editor YEARLY. that
she found she was short Of space. -
Washington Post.
Yes" said the editors widow to the
tombstone maker. John was dear
good husband, and l want something
nice. Let me see what You have in
10. Of hoe Iuf<,
Washington Post.
al wonder how a composer feels
when he encounters an organ grinder
turning out Que of his compositions. :"
Il don't believe he likes it any better
than we do when we have to meet our
own notes. ~ T. Sun.
Michael" sorry to see Parnell's
man beaten over in Kilkenny" Patrick
Sure. an so am |. Bat there's wan
consolashon." Aud what is that. Patp''
Sure, it was an Irishman that bate
him. Yoakers Statesman.
''There" said the editor to visitor,
lis one of our most interchangeable writ
ers of felton, ..Indeed. what novel
has be wrtten?" 20, he never wrote
novel; he merely copies the weather
report. III Washington Post.
Yes. we've quarreled. I think this
parting from my Amelia will kill me. :"
Il should think you would feel it"
Feel it? Why. great Scott, it's torture.
She had two hundred thousand in her
own right. "-Philudelphin Times.
Lecturers advise that in cold weather
people keep their mouths shut aud
breathe through their noses. 1t would
be we'll if some people followed the
first bit of advice even in warn,
weather. Philadelphia North american.
Judge (to witness) Who are you?''
Witness (who is a physiciam am
an insane cxpert,y your Honor. y Judge
with dignity)-"O, you are? Well.
get out Of this. We don't want any
crazy people giving testimony in this
court. p Washington Star.
Condemnation are a cheat! The
Z \ y