davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
FOR KICKING THE MANAGER.
How Faithful Trainman Got . varnis As1
 Car and, RioA

A man on the Wabash rpaes is now running vanished cars ard eating pte who owes his success, in e measure to kicking the general manager- When trainnian prospers apd gets a passenger train he speaks, oa his good fortune as running varnished cars and eating pie. When he is in the humbler calling of working on q freight train he sometimes calls it eating sogn bread in the dog house.
 General Manager Tallmage of the Wabash was of the old school of rail- roaders,, who, believe in attending to the details of the line. He he'd been a trainman himself and he. knew the weaknesses of the craft. Hs would watch the train sheets, if the crew re- ported delays at a, certain point on about every run. he would go down there quietly and keep az eye out for them. He took one of these trips on one occasion and supposed his move ments were unknown to the crews he wished to watch. for he went secretly es an ordinary passenger, and did not reach his destination until after dark. But, to use the slang of the men they WtiC On tO AiC SSGlttca 0IiHSCl on a gondola. loaded with car wheels, and thought that he was unobserved until a brakeman pretending to take him for a tramp, came along and kicked him mercilessly, At every blow of the foot he accented the action with some ornamental profanity very painful to hear Mir. Tallmage did not reveal his identity. but limped away and he found out that the brakeman who had so maltreated him was really valua- ble man. aud not responsible for the delay.
 After the kicking the brakeman went back to the caboose and said to his con- ductor: Well fixed the old man. suppose I'll get my envelope at the end of the run. It's all right though, This ain't the only road."
 Two days later the brakeman was summoned to the general managers office. He shook hands with the boss. bade him good-by. pushed his cap over his left ear detiantly and walked away to the slaughter.
 Mr. Tallmage asked him how long he had been braking,. questioned him about various matters, pertaining to handling trains, and them fairly knocked him silly by informing him that he should report to the train- master who would give him a position as conductor.
 By the way" said Mir. Tallmage. as the astonished man was leaving the office, 'are you,bothered with tramps on your divisionp"
 The brakeman blushed n little, then summoned all his stolidity and said: .'Yes, but we're cleaning 'em out. l run across one two nights ago hid in a car O wheels and kicked the. old bum half way across the State. He won't bother mo no more. "--1 1saiaSapolis .Sun
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
Price of a Wife.

In the Solomon Islands the market quotation on,a good quality" wife is 10000 coeoanuts. The money of the islanders. says At the Year Round. consists of staings of shell beads about the size of a. shirt button, we'll made. and strung in fathom lengths of two kinds, ..redr and white" money. This is the base of the. currency, above which comes dogs teeth. which are the gold of their coinage. Only two teeth from dogs jaw ars legal tender. A hole is drilled in each. and when Il native has accumulated sufficient number hf strings them together and wears them as collar. Such a collar may be worth as much as f20. Por- poises' teeth are 9ne-fifth the value of dogs teeth, and sings of a marble-liko stone arc also current Gein.
 The following is tho basis of Solo, mon Island money and exchanges: Ten eoeoanuts, one string of white money, or ons stick of tobacco; tcn strings of white money, one string of red money, or ono dogs tooth; ten strings red money. one lisa" or fifty porpose teeth; ten isas one good qual- ity wife; one ballika Cor marble ring). one human head; one bahika, one very good pig one balika, one medium voung man.
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
How to Become Thin.

A writer in the jefaaeSs Ntticr Mdqd. ripc will guarantee loss of one pound (,o pat it moderately indeed),a week to any person troubled with obesity who will follow the simple directions given below for one year
 Rise at : o'clock. Take topd bath, followed bs vigorous rubbing all over the body.
 Breakfast upon fresh fruit (any fruit in its seasou) and hominy, with q fruit syrup or apple sauce. without milk. sugar. meat, potatoes. fish. fowl oi liquids of any kind-boiled eggs if de- sired.
 One hour after breakfast go through thorough course oi physical exercise, until precipitation is freely induced. to be followed by good rubbing and q half honr's rest.
 Spend the remainder of tho day in some employment of pleasure which will keep the mind we'll occupied. Eat no lunch
 Dine at night upon fruit, vegetables very little, If any, meat no sweets, no liquors (fruit will supply all the liquid needed). and whole wheat bread and retire, at the latest. at Il o'clock--l0 is better after having again gone through complete system of physical exercise calculated to take hold upon body.
 Once week take Turkish or Rus sian bath. with thorough massage.
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
ASE INCRATITUDE.
THE WIDOWS RAM eUNTeD JEEnS
 AND DIED FOR IT.
The Prisousr Turns on His Accusers and Tells s Narrowing Tale That MolIIfss the Judge.

l was travelling among the mountains of East Tennessee and one day about noon was casting about for place where l might get something 10 cal. W hen my eye was attracted by a number of horses that were tied pear a ruipous old log house
 Curiosity and hope That I might be on The trail o5 something io eat drew rne to the house ssys Opie F Read Upon entering the doorway fosud justice of the peace holding court. IL was . criminal case, snd 1 discovered the prisoner to be . long, lank fellow, with a bouy face and complexion that pro claimed the clay eater fancied that having killed some one be was now ou trial 10 determine whether or not hs should be sent before the Grand Jury as sort of sarcastic preliminary 10 being hanged. and had begun to pity his pro bable wife and prssumabe children when the Judge said.
 This here court. ben' sorter tired. will now take a recess fur halfer hour The Court has sot here an chewed new tobacker till the hide is about all took offen the inside of his mouth. an l wanter say that if any body hus got any tobacker that is a leetle mider in it's parts. pass chew of it right up to the Court"
 The prisoner took out q twist of to- bacco and handed It to the Judge where upon the iurst remarked: This Court thanks you. Jeems. but at the same time reminds you that the law of this great land ain 10 be bought for mess of pottage nor chaw of tobaekcr How's yo' crap. Jeems?'
 ''Sorter wallerin' with the crab grass au' rasslin' with the rag weed l woulder had it all right but this here trouble come on me. When man Is bowed down in the speret he ain't thinkin of craps. He is athinkiu' of the shame that mout fall or him an take all the color out of his repurtation."
 Yes. that's fact. Jeems.
 What Is all this aboutT' 1 asked, turning to long haired fellow that sat near where stood.
 Wall. he answered. leaning over and turning loose squirt of tobacco extract that might have singed cat. "Jeems Kimberly he shot sheep an l reckon he's in fur 1t.
 They don't intend to hang him. do they9
 No. wus'n that They'll hit him about fifty lashes with hickory an' then make him work country road some day when thar's hoss show in the neighborhood,
 At this juncture the Judge pounded
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16

Congressman Billy" Mason. of Chi cago. lives during his stays in Wash ington at the Strathmore Arms, a fam ago nice old lady who had known Mir. Mason in his boyhood up in Cat taraugus county, \. r.. sent bottle of her very choicest homemade tomato ketchup to him, saying sine hoped it would remind him of the days when he used to come over to her house. n chubby little chap of ! or 6 years and stand around looking hungry and friendless until she covered huge slice of bread with ketehup and gave it to him.
 "rll save this" said the Congress- man, until sometime when have my boyhood appetite with me. and he sat for long time looking tt the bottle and muSug over those joyous days when the old homestead and the few neighboring houses constituted his world and shaped and bounded his am bitions.
 The other day Mr. Mason came home from d long. tedious session of Inc House. and. busting in preparation for dinner. said he was as hungry as Il bear
 Are you as hungry as boy?" asked his wife.
 ''Ies; as hungry as two boys"
 Then this will be good time to open your bottle of ketchupn
 That's so," said tho Congressman. and his eyes sparkled with the antcipa- ton of whole meal on bread and ketchup.
 The Mason family were the first Ut the table. but soon the other guests of tho house arrived, and the long family like board was surrounded. Mir, Ma son took few raw oysters 10 whet his already keen appetite for the bre ad and ketchup. Presently the lady who sat next 10 him reached over and help cd herself to the ketchnp.
 Oh" she said, ''this is perfectly de- licious ketchup; try some" and she passed it to the gentleman next below her. He in turn passed to the next. aud SO il went the entire length of the table. Then 1t crossed over and re- turned along the other side. Higher and higher. Mir. Mason saw each sue cessive guest raise the bottom of the bottle, as lower and lower it's coa- tents ran. Then the last one spanked the bottle aud the ketchnp was gone.
 its no use. said the Congressman to his smiling wife. n man with seven children grinniug in his face might as we'll give up trying to make boy of himself anyway And after few minutes of sober. philosophic silence, he said: ''lm glad didn't get any of it. should probably have been dis pointed. '- IsaShiag,oa Cor. N. !, Iri- oAl.e.
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16

and put it into his noun wiuA 0uean which evidently had not used soap that morning was . spectacle worthy of the dsys of Molicre.
 The chief temptation to the stranger in Parls--despilc whatever snares may lave been more insisted upon by the moraIisis-is to buy things. The shop windows are constant inducement tO him to plunge into reckless course of extravaganza and to shut his eyes to all consee uences. In the window of . prominent jeweler was displayed . brooch some two and half inches long. Whereof the device was a cat formed of diamonds playing with . ball. which was a single beautiful round pearl. The price was il GOO francs. From another placo be who chose to pay 1000 francs for tho privilege might carry home to his wife or his sweetheart a frog of gems which was as large as baby's hand. Animals of jewels seem 10 be ething Of a fashion if one IS to judge from the win dows of Paris.
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16

brance of the flesbpots of Paris. no mat ter in what corner of the earth man may be. With bone. vegetable or two. few herbs, and fire, which is
 nothing but a handful of charcoal ignit-
 cd, French cook will concoct dinner
 it for the gods. or indeed far too good
 for the gods if the tales told of them in
 classic chronicles of Oympisn scandals
 be only half true. A man is ready to
 ruin his digestion and imperil all his
 standards of ethics for the ssko of the
 teasts of this land of culinary delights.
 To begin with, they have things to cook.
 The doctor kindly allowed me to go to
 tho central market. having first been alone to assure himself that it was a
 strictly moral place. The piles of prswus. of snails. of mushrooms, of shrimps, of frogleg made one groan in despair at
 the physical impossibillty of eating even
 \ hundreth part of them. One longed for as many mouths as hath the Ganges.
 The fruits. too. were delicious to sight and to smell and to taste. Grapes. fresh ags, melons, plums. apples, pears, and in October--wild strawberries which
 were in appearance aud flavor exactly like the late fruit which grew in our youth upon the messy rocks en tho
 shady side of New England farm houses. We had much innocent enjoyment in
 going about. buying things, eating what
 we wanted, and giving what was left to
 some dealer from whom we purchased other viauds or to some forlorn-looking
 pssser. Ike doctor addressed the market women in every known modern language except French. and achieved an immense l success by the way in which he de
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
sam Jones on Intidcis and Society.

From a recent sermon; I'd rather he a low-dowu chain-gaug negro than one of your little inlidels. You won't be in hell two minutes beiorc you'il bc hopping around in the fire and yelling. "Wh a mistake have made 1 have some respect for Bob IugersoH. because he can l>t S200 night Tor his occurring. But some 4 these little fellows are iuhdels for nothing, pay S2 D hear lugersull, and board ,hem- ielves.
 l understand You are all running society here pretty lively. Society A pair of 75-eent slippers and a sl. 25 wasp bonnet lets you into it. There k no manhood, no womanhood in it. The fruits of society, so calleh, u~e the dude and dudine. If you don't like what I'm saying. just get up on your hind legs aud slide out
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16

long time. an once when the old COW got out of the lot an wandered of an didn't come up in time to give milk for the lamb ! searched for her GU the mountain side an way down in the val ley It was late when l got back home, an long before l reached the house heard the lamb a-blestin', He seemed to be powerful glad when came in with the milk. an the thought read jn hs eyes was: I never will forgit you, Wal. to make a long story short. brought up that lsmh till he WAS as fine sheep as you ever saw. an in every look ou. his eyes he said that he never would tcrgit me. We called him Bob an he 'peared 10 like the name. One day the next Fall. Nat Ssrschet, that owed s5. come over 10 my house an lowed that he must have the money didh't have 1t an told him so. Just then Bob he come up. I'll take this sheep. says Nat, au' he done il in spite of all my heggin' an promisn that l would pay him as soon as 1 could get the money. Last Spring heard that Nat had sold Bob to the Widder Dalton. So much for the first part, m DOW for the second: X day or two ago l was goin'
 
 corn GU my back, sn' all at once kcr- bhipl something took me an almost kuoc ked ms lifeless.
 "hs soon ns could git up 1 looked round an thar, not more than ten feet away. stood Bob. a-shakin' of bis head Gracious alive. Bob. said l. don't you know mof He backed little, an jest as | expected to see the look that said \ tt |. l. al me an gave me bif that sent me sprawlin' on the ground. think he hit me three times before could git sp. an then he followed me to the fence, a. churnin' me every Jump of the way an tickled' Wy, never saw ram en- joy himself so In my life. Well. when got home sot down an thought a long time about the ingrstitude of this life. an then thought l would teach that rascal lesson, so got my gun and went back down into tho woods. l held the gun behind me an poked about. Putty soon 1 saw Bob, an he saw me about the same time. Here he come. didn't say word He was so tickled that he thought he d stop an laugh a little before bitfin' me. an he stopped an snoVted with delight. su' jest then l ups with my gun. l never saw such sur prised sheep. When he saw that l was fixed for him he tried to look loyiu but l let him have il right between the eyes. That's my statement Jedge an' it shows that l wa u't out alter meat. but re- vcuge. far l didn't even skin the rascal; an now. If you want to whip me an make ne work on the county road. all right
 ''Jeems. said the Judge. any. court that could have the heart to convict you oughter be hung. Widder Dalton. what have you did with that sheep's meaty
 I've got il al home,
 Wal. you go home an roast hin quarter ot It. This court an Jeems air roin' to take dinner with you to-mor' TOT ''
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
The EiHel Tower.

The stockholders in the EiffcL towef enterprise are feeling blue just now in consequence of the steady disinution of their receipts. In the season now closing 66a, 900 francs were taken in. The cost of keeping the tower open was 35o, GOO francs. and 3DAO00 mora were spent for repairs. Next season the small profit of this year will bA wiped out. it is expectek1 and . con- siderable deficit will appear in the place of 1t. In view bf this probabile ity 160. 0O0 francs were reserved 10R future use from the profits oi tho exs hibition year.
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16

"Ws>Almost need our busi .sess manage, to keep ss posted on the day 8 proceedings sad Melvcvne.
 "I wonderyyhere the Lollards artAnow, ' said Lady Irvirg. Some time am going back to finish inc tour your telegram cut short
 l' ''f am going too" said Stella "I ara not satisfied with OUT short stay in the new world"
 CHAPTER xxu-BUsY BAYS
 We drove to the depot as arranged. ressiy for visit to Ravens Park It was q deli ghttul day Every blade and leaf Quivered with the gentle breeze, and in the air was hay light very different from tue wonderful blue of a Colorado sky
 About noon we reached the mansion, which through Mclvorne's generosity. was now the property of Miss Stella Everett, granddaughter of the earl of York It had been built in the olden days when British peers wcro fond of palatial man sions. IL stood in park surrounded by a royal forest. As we walked up the avenue lined with majestic oaks and lindens, Stel- la said:
 Then this was the childhood home of my simple, loving father who never gave me hint that he belonged to the English nobility. He was content to live life of usefulness among the humble tenant peo- pie, and tears rolled down her cheeks from thinking of the past
 "Ies, cousin. this was his childhood home said Mclvorne. Ut was almost my home too. have passed many happy hours here with my grandfather He never tired talking of Charlie He was his fathers pride and joy until. in . moment of passion. that father had disowned his son and sent him away, henceforth to be stranger from his home l was the only one that my grandfather would permit to mention Charlic's name in his presence. l was so small when Uncle Charlie left home that ] cannot remember anything about him. But believe my grandfather was always sorry for his nasty action. and if it had not been for his ungovernable pride, he would have called him back"
 Il fear you may regret your nasty action. Cousin James," said Stella
 ''l shall never regret that; but would like to add a clause 10 the transfer" said Melvorne.
 What would it bef' asked Stella.
 That this shall be your Winter home, as it is near to Blue Ridge.'
 II will grant your request,n said Stella, offering him her hand as a pledge for it's fuldllment. Then she turned to me. say ing: You agree with me in keeping this promise,"
 Most surclyI could not help agreeing to live in such a beautiful place." 1 said. putting her hand upon my arm, as we started to leave the fountain, where Lady Irving had beenSyatching the little fishes, while we had been talking As we entered the hall Lady Irving said:
 "i think Stella and l might command quite large circle of friends who would add much pleasure and enjoyment to all these fine arrangements
 II am only too anxious to introduce the Duchess of Mclvorne to large circle of friends" said Mclvorae.
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16

m the table. Come 10 order now Tho Court is about 10 put on the solemn gyarment of the law of this here free au mighty land, an If any man SO fur fur gifts himself as to interrupt the pro- csedin's. he'll fall uncer the witherin' dlspleasure of yourn truly. Now, let 8 git at this business. fur this Court has sther affairs on hand. This Court must 70 some time this evenln' an reprimand ,man that pizened his dog. Ieems. as said at the outset of this trial. never wss more shocked in my life. Fur many years we have kuow'd you to be reasonably honest. with generally a putty good dab of meat in yo' smoke house. an we ksin't see why you should have killed the Widder Dslton's shsep."
 Yes" spoke up the widow, who, for the first time. noticed was present. sh. ting in corner. ''au' finer ram never blew his breath on bunch of pennyrile. But here comes Jeems an shoots him. an that toQ when he's got more meat than have Nh he knows that I've got three sons-in-law to feed
 "Jedgc. said Jeems. If you will jest let me have a minit. l will fling good dcsl of light on this here subject. don't deny killin' of the sheep'--
 Well. then. Jeems. you neeuter say no more. You've stated the very fact that we air Hyin' to git at. an' thar ain | no use iu foolin' along here DO longer The eour, lows that 1t will halter sent ence you. Jeems,
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
WONDERS OF PARIS.
NEW EYES STILL SEE NEW WONDERS
 IN ITS BEAUTIFUL STREETS.
Arlo Bates Tells an Interesting Story 03 His vlsit to the Capital of the Gay World,
4 correspondent of Ihe Chicago

4 correspondent of ihe Chicago Tribune. in recent letter ssys:
 TAM Parisians are n people who emin- entiy enjoy their city They are not slon. nroud of 1t in an abstract way. They s<'e out of doors and make the most oft They go to the parks and into the iuseums, and above all they sit upon the dewaks in front of ths cafes watching A'fe. Paris is a town where it should nsvar rain, so greatly addicted arc it's foltS,to open air. The doc sor. descertiat pun. thinks this may be inc raes son the French have done away with hc, reign of Kings; but in the next bresth he lGmen,s that Paris is no, longer PsrSs jnce the fall of the Elm pire.
 fts streets a~e.st II lively enough, de- spite the la-1euea absence of royal eouipages. to caue~ the doctor to skip aboatin veryli~A manner lp~loss, ing. In the niass n'-'e AhU'pal streetsin Paris as' 't- t'ona ou tner of x-h;ch t--i ishTnS tewus- to foN pas s,.----.sS have the right of ww-are line of the street and surruundiaS the
 
 the doctor, amatter Of time and Gsiibsr- stion. Hs pauses on the edge of' the curb like Caesar by the Rubicon; then. when there is lull in the flood O. ''car- rages he darts across to the island Ipon which he from tue irst has had his eye, his calves, like those of Dickens i'm mortal dancer, fairly twinkling with the swiftness ef his motion. The islsnd reached. the whole process is repeated. and thus in time the adventurous trsve- Ter gets himself entirely across shs street.
 The sidewalks are made largely as a0 adjunct to the cafes, and in the evening those along the central boulevArds are covered for three quarters of their depth with sitteYs who drink coffee by the cup or by the glass. or imbibe some liquor yet more potent. The amount of coffee consumed by the Psrsisns is something so prodigious thnt all Christendom might we'll turn bilious with astonish- ment thereat. Indeed, 1t seems rather doubtful if Paris could exist without coffee. One understands after seeing the astonishing coffee drinking which goes on constantly why it Is that French poets and painters have united in apos trophies to that narcotic The coffee rather than the lily should be tue flower of France.
 "A man enjoys himself in Paris" 1t hath been said by cynic. Fin direct proportion to his wicksdness" by which token. If 1t be indeed q true saying. an abandoned wretch indeed is he who writes these lines. In the flrst place the first place because man is after all only . highly organized stomach. ."-- there are SO many good things to eat in Parisi There comes certsin lickerous watering of the chops at the remem.
The Forrest City times., 1891-01-16
Uncle sam's Employes.

Uncle Sam pays his 200, GOO employees. including soIdiers'and sailors. an aver age salary of Ss25 apiece. The aver age earnings of the plain. everyday citizen, who gets pay in proportion to the work he does are about half that much probably. This state of affairs explains, perhaps. why about 26. 00n- 900 malo American citizens make Q dead set for about 50. 900 offices every four years. --PtttsoGra DispatcA