davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1891-06-05
TOO MANY AIRS.
If He Hadn't Asked Too Many Questions
He Might Have stAId.

II He Hadn't Asked Too Many Questions
He Might Have stAId.
a traveller that had stopped at q tumble
down log house in a wild part Of Kentucky
was much disguised with the corn bread
and rancid bacon that was placed upon the
table.
"Idon't see how you can stand such fare
all the time, said the traveller, speaking
to the landlord"
wall, mebby yO' eyesiRht amt as good
as miHe. FL it was | reckon yo' could see
Il see a number OF chickens in the yard.
Why don't you kill som0 of themf"
They amt never don me no harm. -
said the Kentuckian.
But why don't you eat some of themi"
wall, they don't belong to me. They
air MANS"
why don't you kill one of those young
pigs out thereS"
jest as soon kill one out there as any
whar, but amt got nothin' sgin any one
of them"
81 mean, why don't you eat one Oh
themf"
"oh, wall, they don't belong to me.
They are Mans"
II see you have turkeys. Why don't
you eat some Of themf'
They don't belong to me. They air
Bits"
rs there anything on the place that be
longs 10 your"
Vas, I've got a pint cup"
"Is that alll"
"Allp Indignantly exclaimed the Ken
tuckian. why, confound yo' hide, what's
better to drink Ticker outen han a pint
cupf Look here. do you think I'm stuck
up an don't want to 'sociAts with my
~neighborsi Stranger, I'm afeerd that II
you stay round here long you will learn
our people how to put on airs. | reckon
you'd better mosey."
But / don't want TO leave during such
weather a. this"
Mister, when the morals of a neighbor-
hood are at stake the weather don't amount
to nothin'; yo' boss is out thar in The sta
BILE, an yander is the road. Moseyi Nam.
step out thar an turn that bulldog loosei'
That evening about 0 o'clock n weary
and drenched man was seen jogging along
II muddy road.-ArkAnsaw Traveller.
, 1891-06-05

S. II. Clifford, New Cassel. WIS, was
uoubled with neuralgia and rheumatism,
his stomach was disordered, his liver was
affected to an alarming degree, appetite
fell away, and he was terribly reduced in
flesh and strength. Three bottles Of
Electric Bitters cured him.
Edward Shepherd. Harrisburg, Ill. /,
had a running sore on his leg OF eight
wears standing. Used three bottles OF
Electric Bitters and seven boxes of Buck
lens Arnica Salye. and his leg is sound
and well. John Speaker, CatAwba, o..
had five Large fever sores on his leg. doc
tors said he was incurable. One bottle
Electric Bitters and one box Bucklen's
Arnlca Salye cured him entirely. Sold at
A. +. Roedel's drug store.
, 1891-06-05


A slim faced man with a graveyard
cough was inspecting some trunks in front
Of a Grand street store yesterday, when
the proprietor Of the store appeared and
asked:
Looking for a trunk. SIR"
Yes"
Heres the best four dollar trunk ever
made, and Pm the only one that sells 'em
ut less than five dollars"
mo good" replied the pale faced man,
with "A sorrowful shake of the head. "One
of these trunks wouldn't stand the Jour.
ney from here to Poughkeepsie."
What III warrant 'em to go around
the world Take hold OF one and bang 1t
about and convince yourself"
DO you give me leave to wrassle with
onef"
"of course 1 dol Take right hold"
The man with the graveyard cough drew
10 a full breath, called out: "Sche-neck-
ta-day," as II warning a carload OF passen-
gers, and then reached for the trunk.
"Ripl' went one OF the handles; "ri-pPi
went the other. and AS he stood It on end
and upset it aud Topped it back again one
hinge busted loose and the cover split in
tive. With a twist OF the wrist he gave it
a slam bang which completed the wreck,
and with IA bow to the trunkman he Joined
the crowd and disappeared.
Upon my SOUL" gasped the proprietor
as he viewed the ruins, but 1 made "a big
mistake in himi He's a baggage master
instead OF a dying traveller. New York
World.
, 1891-06-05

Conrtesv of Hvo. Archives & Histo1
, 1891-06-05

"Whar you gwine att" screamed u Crog-
han street colored woman to a ragged half
grown boy as he started out the door.
"Gwine down TO Miss Smifs."
What you got in dat bagH"
Oars a pillarslip full oh feathers outen
dat OIL tick what Miss Smif done toll me to
fetch back to her"
Does you spec you kin caihy them to
her in broad day lighti"
''Cose | } kin"
"Cose you CANT do no sich a thing, you
iR'nant Niger, You doan' know dis yer
town t all, honey. Jis lay dat plllarslip
In dar on de bald tell hit gifts dRhk an den
tote UNI erldng 10 Miss Sniff"
"Whahurl"
'Doan' you be akin w~hoppers. FL you
knowed yo' own haid fun a punkin, chile,
you'd know dat II desc yer ossifers oh de
law was to keteh de angel Gab'el gwine
erlong wild a bag oh feathers on his pusson,
an GAb'el was as brack as you is, dey'd
rest him sho'n Judgment day. Das what
fur. Now you leave dem feathers whar
dey is, an doan' 20 roun' heah temptin'
Providence. You neal me ."-Detroit Free
Press
, 1891-06-05

Nothing to wear, my darling, nothing at all to
wear
This is the song she sings to him and hIls him
with despair.
When he goes out to toll each day and earns
their daily bread,
She hangs around his weary neck until these
words are said.
And when he comes home late at night she
sits upon the stair,
And MARBLES out, You know, dear John, l
haven't a thing to wear.
The poloneise l had last year, l tell you is a
sight;
My old black g~renAdine is worse; 1t makes me
look n fright;
My black silk is SO shiny, and I feel so mord-
hed:
And then, for summer. I must have something
In white beside"
And so she sings her little song throughout the
livelong day
Nothing to wear. my darling, nothing to wear.
Isay."
And John is at the office, and his face is
blanched with fear,
Because he cannot pay for all the things she
got last year.
Tom Mason in Cloak Review.
, 1891-06-05

Why endure it daily, nightly, we had
well nigh said, hourly. They do who are
tortured by chronic rheumatism. The
remedy, botanic, pure, safe and prompt
is at hand. Were the evidence in behalf
Of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters collated,
it would be found to TEEN with we'll au-
thenticated proofs that the medicine is
bo'h a preventive aud a remedy in this
maladY of varying %agonies and ever pres
ent danger. To t~orestall its chronic stage
is the dictate OF prudence, Reuounce
dangerous medication. Far more effec-
tive, more certain, more permanent in the
beneicent consequences is the use OF the
bitters. Experience indorses, the rec
ommendation OF physicians Sanction its
use. Begin early, use with persistence,
and expect with relief Hostetter Stom-
ach Bitters relieves constipation. bilious
ness, kidney ailments. dy'pepsiA and ma
larial trouble.
, 1891-06-05

To buy tho favor OF tho world,
Its notice and It's thought
Be swift Of foot and swiftly put
A nickel In the slot
FHte's tutti frutti lies concealed
Meath iron locks hArd wrought.
And you must stop and gently drop
A nickel in the slot.
To gain the chewing gum Of fame
Don't idly wait round
For the thing to start and fall apart
And spin II on the ground.
For the machine Is stout aud strong,
OF toughest iron wrought.
March up and stop and gently drop
a nickel In the slot
Tit sweet perfumery OF love
Turks in tho big machine,
But its fragrant flavor and sunny SAVIOR
Are firmly locked, ! ween.
So do not stand and vainly sigh,
Firm rooted TO the spot;
Be swift OF foot and gently put
A nickel In the slot
The world is careful OF It's goods,
And under lock and key
It keeps them tight concealed from sight
Away from you and me-
But there's Il way to get them all,
The whole strong guarded lot
II We Just stop and gently drop
A nickel in the slot.
s. w. Foss In Yankee Blade
, 1891-06-05

The author of England, Without and
Within" gives an anecdote Of an easy
going English gentleman who was not
bound by the absurd law against parcel
carrying.
A shoemaker had missent to him a
pair of shoes intended for a neighbor,
and had probably sent to the neighbor
the shoes that should have been sent to
him. As he had no prejudice against
carrying bundles he went with the shoes
to his friends house.
On arriving at his friends door he
asked to see Mr.. Dash, but was under
stood by the servant to ask for Mrs.
Dash, and was ushered into her presence.
The lady, who had never seen him be-
fore, looked up and CURLY asked:
What have you there?"
"Mr. Dash's shoes, replied the gentle
man.
"Oh, yes; it's all right. Mr.. Dash is
out, but he'll be in soon, and if you want
to see him you'd better take a seat in the
hall and wait till he comes"
But, began the gentleman,
who was a baronet's son.
Never mind, never mind; it's all
right. Step out in the hall, please, and
wait for Mr.. Dash"
The gentleman, of course, appreciated
the situation at once. But he was too
well bred and had too keen a sense of
humor to explain, which would have
both mortified the lady and prevented
him from enjoying her mistake. He
stepped into the hall, intending t o give
the shoes to q servant and leave the
house.
But meeting his friend coming in, he
gave him the shoes and, after a few
words, babe him good morning. Though
pressed TO remain, he refused, knowing
that his return to the wife's presence
would cause her embarrassment.
His consideration for the feelings of
another person would have made him a
gentleman If he had been a hodcarrier.
, 1891-06-05

'Papal'
That was all she said.
Her voice fingered lovingly over the
s%yllables OF the endearing title.
"Papal'
Her great, tender heart was in the liquid
tones that rippled from her lovely lips. and
in the soft eyes that beamed upon him with
ineffable tenderness.
"Papal'
There he sat-a genial, noble hearted old
man, proud of his family NAME, proud of
his irreproachable ancestry, proud of his
position in society, prouder than all of the
beautiful daughter whose breath stirred
the silvery locks that shaded his venerable
brow as she hung over him.
"Papap
She was a large, full grown, mature
woman Of forty-one summers and a very
backward spring, and she called him papa
for the reason, perhaps, that she had for
gotten there was any such good old word
as father in the English language.-Chi-
cage Tribune.
, 1891-06-05

At 10 O'Clock the other night a dainty
young man, with a step As mincing As a
rabbits, was sailing down Lexington ave
nue. with an umbrella over his head when
n policeman Erowled at him
You don't expect a thunder shower. do
your"
mo, thir ! donth expect no thunder
shower, replied the young man.
Didn't know but you were carrying that
umbrellas to keep of the rain"
mo, thir; ! am carrying thith umbrella
to keep the dew of my ears. thir. The dew
makes a fellah's ears look red, ye know.
and red ears it'll not the style, you thee, and
good night to you. old mAnr'-New York
World.
, 1891-06-05

The Cause of the DigrsssIon.
The speaker drew himself up majestic
ally, his eyes flashed fire and his voice rang
out over the assembly in these stirring
words:
The flag, The banner Of our country
Imperishable emblem OF liberty Forever
float our glorious standard in the pure air
of heaven. and within the protecting shA-
dow Of its sun kissed folds may the count
less millions Of happy human beings yet To
come bless with united heart and voice the
day that saw it unfurled at the birth OF a
new nation" Immense and long contin-
ued applause
What was your idea in introducing
that glowing period about the nag in a
speech on The LAcrustine Origin Of the
Prairiesf'" inquired a friend, after the au-
dience had been dismissed.
81 WAS Obliged to stop to take a drink OF
water" explained the lecturer, land /
didn't want 10 lose my grip on the audi
c e."-Chicago Tribune.
, 1891-06-05

A certain head cook in Berlin has dis
tinguished himself by composing a polka
which inaugurates an era Of good fellow
ship between the culinary art md music.
This new piece is entitled the BOILED Egg
Polka" and contains the following recipe
on the first page: ITO boil eggs, put them
into scalding water. play the Boiled Egg
Polka in allegro moderate time, and take
them out at the end OF the last bar. They
will be found done to a nicely. "-Famille.
, 1891-06-05

A land and building concern, owning a
large plot Of ground on the outskirts OF
the town, received an offer from the cor
poration to purchase a few acres for "a Gem
etery. In discussing this proposal one Of
the shareholders expressed himself as fol
lows;
Gentlemen, our land has been lying
dead long enough. ! vote that we turn il
into a cemetery. by way OF putting life
into the concern."-Lustige Blatter.
, 1891-06-05

Three Germans-a Saxon, a Bavarian and
a Prussian-were travelling together. They
called at a wayside inn, had a glass of beer,
paid and took their departure. A few steps
farther on the Saxon observed:
Il noticed a fine silver watch hanging on
II nail over the counter"
Let us 20 back and fetch It, said the
Bavarian.
Useless trouble" added the Prussian,
81 have 1t in my pocket. "-Bavard.
, 1891-06-05
THOUGHT HE HAD THE BEST OF IT..
The Hirhwayman Made Him Empty His
Pockets. but He Wa Satisfied.

The H~iEhwayman Made Him Empty His
Pockets, but He Was Satisfied.
Hold on n minute, young manip
The tone was imperative, and the young
man turned quickly and looked into the
business end OF a 44-caliber revolver.
shell out, and make no brash playsi'
But, my dear SIR
"Shell outln n
Certainly, sir. whatu you have-A
pocket hank, a plugged nickel or a brass
match safef"
Everything you've got Turn your peck
cts out and quit talking"
with pleasure VIII you"-
Quit! Just hep your eye on the banker
and drop everything into my side pocket"
The orders were obeyed in silence, and
then came the ~Admonition:
Get a move on you'll"
Excuse me, Mr.. - Mr.. -, we'll
never mind the name, you're probably
modest But will you favor me with a
pencilf"
The man with the SLOUGH hat pulled
DOWN over his eyes kept the young man
covered with the revolver in his right
hand while he reached into one OF his ca
pacious pockets with his left and pulled
out a short pencil.
Course, / don't want TO be mean" he
said.
Thank youi Thank youl And a piece
OF paperi MOL Well, never mind; I'll use
my cuff. Have to make notes or ] forget
everything, and this Is "A rafting good
story. Wouldn't miss it for anything.
You get apocketbook worth ten cents, with
three dimes in it, a plugged nickel, match
safe worth fifteen cents and a sea bean
worth nothing, ! write up the story and
get $40 for it easy. Maybe you got the best
Of 1t, but I'm satisfied. Much Obliged, old
man; here's your pencil. Good uightl'
And the newspaper man walked on
whistling, while the highwayman leaned
up against a fence and muttered, well. IN
be hAngedF'-Chicago Tribune.
, 1891-06-05
NOW FRY This

1t will cost you nothing and will surely
do you good. If you have a cough. cold,
or any trouble with throat, chest or lungs.
DIR. Kings New Discovery for consump-
tiou, coughs and colds is guaranteed to
give relief or money will be paid back.
Sufferers from la grippe found it Just the
thing and under its use had a speedy and
perfect recovery. Try a sample bottle at
our expense and learn for yourself Just
how good a thing 1t is. Trial bottles free
at A. f. Roedel's drug store. Large size
80 cents and al
, 1891-06-05

Just as sure as hot weather comes there
will be more or less bowel complaint IN
this vicinity. Every person. and espe-
medicine At hand for instant use in case
bottle OF Chamberlain collie, cholera and
dizrrhea remedy is Just what you ought
TO have and all that you would need, even
for the most severe and dangerous cases.
1t is the best, the most reliable and most
successful treatment known and is pleas
ant to take. For sale by A. Z. Roedel.
, 1891-06-05

Mrs. John.Curtis of Peoria, ILL.,. writes:
Used one box of Usage Pills previous to
my second confinement; they worked like
a charm. Would pay $40 for a box
rather than do without them. as they
have proved a Godsend to me-" Write
Usage Medicine company, Wichita, Kas,
FOR particulars, and their book to wives
mailed free. Sold by druggists. Sold by
W. n. Hunt, Cheyenne.
, 1891-06-05

One Of our very SWEETEST young men
made a call on a young lady at her home
in a suburban town recently. The girl
who opened the door was green-very. Our
exquisite proffered his card.
II wish to see Miss L." he said.
The girl caught him by the coat sleeve
and dragged him in with a jerk.
go right inl' she exclaimed. I'VE don't
need no tickets Go right inl"-Boston
Record.
, 1891-06-05

Passeuger-Conductor, one OF the but
tons on the dress Of that lady in front of
me has fallen of. Here II is, and l think
you had better tell her about il.
Conductor grufly)-Why don't you tell
her YOURSELF
Passenger-Not much. I'm her husband.
Cloak Review.
, 1891-06-05

Nov, little boy, what is the meaning of
the word Hypocrisy" asked a Texas Sun
day school teacher of her favorite pupil.
II can't explain what it is, but l know
Just the same"
give me an example Of hypocrisy"
"When a fellow says he loves his Sunday
school teacher-that's hypocrisy Texas
Siftings.
, 1891-06-05

First Bagk President-Did you see about
the president OF the Ninth NationRll No
sooner was he dead than they discovered
that he had defaulted to the amount Of
100000.
Second Bank Presideut-Yes, l saw It.
It is getting 80 "A bank president can't die
with any NATURALIZATION Courier.
, 1891-06-05

Beauty Icithotf grace
is q hook without a bait" That's what
the French think. Whether 1t be true
or not, there are many American women
who do not even possess the hook-beau-
ty and att~ractiveness are denied them.
Why ? Because they're languid, cross
and irritable. They know not what
1t is to be without pain or discomfort
half the time.
That's it; suffer in silence-misun-
derstood-when there's a remedy-Dr.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription-at hand
that isn't an experiment, but which is
sold, by druggists, under the guarantee
that IL you are disappointed in any
way with it, you get your money back
by applying to its makers.
A signal service to weak womenkind
is the finding Of lost health-the build
ing up of a rundown {" system. Moth
ing does it so surely as the "Favorite
Prescription None like it'll
For overworked, debilitated women,
teachers, milliners, seamstresses, "shop-
girls" nursing mothers-one and all are
cured by 1t.
, 1891-06-05
IIknlr-

Briggs-That was a terrible thing about
Wangle, wasn't it2 While his wife was
talking to the dressmaker he committed
suicide in the next room.
G~riggs-Phewi Have they found out
the causel
BriEgs-Itis supposed that he overheard
what the dressmaker said.-Cloak Review.
, 1891-06-05

quite a charming girl, that Miss Till
son, - remarked the young man who has
written a book, In II patronizing tone.
she asked me II ! wouldn't put her into
my next novel"
Yes" replied his hated rival, that Is
quite ike her"
How do you meant"
she never did care much for society.
always seemed 70 prefer complete seclusion
TO anything Else .''-Washingtou Post '
, 1891-06-05
Wa Deans at Heath's.


The best salve in the world tor cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum. fever
sores, letter %chapped hands, chilblains,
aorns and all skin eruptions, and positively
cures piles or no pay required. 1t is
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction or
money refunded. Price rs cents per box.
For sale hv A Il R1edel. Drnggist.
, 1891-06-05

81 tell you what it is, ovitch czarlna,"
said the car, you've got to stopoveki
making angel cakeoyitches."
why, soskif" asked the c%zarina.
"Becauseovitch that little bitofi l ate
last nightski made me dream that we had
Georgeovitch Kennauowski here to dine.
ovitch Life.
, 1891-06-05

Jack Witherspoon-Why do you sing all
She timet
Jim Westhall-To kill time.
Jack Witherspoon-Yoh have a good
NeRpon-Priuceton Tiger.
, 1891-06-05

But there is no bathroom in your
house" he protested to a Jersey City land
lord.
But don't you see, my dear man, that l
own the barber shop on the corner, and
have reduced the price Of baths to twenty
cents."-New York World.
, 1891-06-05

a Nebraska farmer lately drowned him
self in his wife's rain water barrel because
his hired man hitched up the old blind
horse on the near instead OF the off side.
We heartily commend that mans sense.
Some men would have sworn at the man,
japed the dog and kicked the wife out Of
doors.-ArkRnsaw Traveller.
, 1891-06-05

Mr.. Pinkie 40 .. m)-My dear, the doc
tor says a brisk walk before going TO bed
will insure sleep TO insomnia sufferers like
myself.
Mrs. Pinkie-Well, my dear, | will clear
the room so you can walk. Please, carry
the baby with you.-New York Weekly.
, 1891-06-05

Guest-How Is thisi My bill this time is
four dollars a day, and last December l
had the same room and 1t was only three
dollars a day.
Clerk-Yes, | know; but the days arc
much longer now.-Boston Courier.
, 1891-06-05
Hon. W. V. Lucas, ex-State Auditor

Hon. W. V. Lucas, ex-State Auditor
of Iowa, says: II have used Chamber
lain's Cough Remedy in my family and
have no hesitation in saying it is an ex-
cellent remedy. l believe that it is all
that is claimed for it. Persons afflicted
by a cough or cold will find it a friend"
There is no danger from whooping cough
when this remedy is freely given. so
cent bottles Tor sale by A. L. RoedeL.
, 1891-06-05

Henry, II you truly love me, you must
prove IL in some way"
Nothing easier, my love The river
here is very deep and swift. Jump in and
you shall see how quickly l will have you
out again. "-Fliegende Blatter.
, 1891-06-05

Husband coming YEARLY in and seating
himselD-Well, you can buy that cloak
you wanted so much. | realized some
thing on an investment today.
Wife, am 80 glad. Here is the BILL
Cloak Review.
, 1891-06-05

Not only to get way up" work done,
but also to get your darnIng, patching and
buttons sewed Oh without extra charge.
CHEYENNE STEAM LAUNDRY.
, 1891-06-05

Young Wife-we are told to east our
bread upon the waters"
The Brute-But don't you do 1t. A yes
sci might run against It and get wrecked
New York Herald.
, 1891-06-05

Tae largest stock of fine brandies, old
WHISTLES, choice hqIeurs and superine
cigars At GEORGE Masten's well known
house, corner Sixteenth and Ferguson
, 1891-06-05
Tenth Annual Convention Y. p. $.
al q T.

Minneapolis, Mimi, July 9 TO II.
Burlington route will sell round trip
tickets, Cheyenne to Minneapolis, at half
rates. For further information apply to
agents. o. Il. CORNISH, Agt.
, 1891-06-05

Gods blessing to mankind, say thous-
ands who have been cured by Oregon
Kidney Tea.
, 1891-06-05

Sculptor-Why do you object to this
bust Of your husband, madam
Widow-It doesn't seem natural.
You have admitted that it looks like
him"
Eyes, the features are all right; bnt
there's no use talking, that statue will
never remind me of my dear dead and
gone husband in the world. It's too quiet.
Ny husband had st. Vitus' dance. New
York Weekly.