The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1891-03-20
THE NEWSPAPER oRINDsToNE.
Few Philosophical Remarks, the Re-
suit of Bill Nye's Observation.

/
4 Few Philosophical Remarks, the Re-
suit of Bill Nye's Observation.
Grown-up men very often express the
wish that they might be boys again. They
wish they could once more go back TO the
time when they used to battle in the mill
pond and permit the yielding mud to
squirt up between their weather beaten
toes for half day at time; when bath
like this always produced a healthy glow
on their skias-about twenty minutes ar
ter they got home.
They yearn to go back half a century to
the days when they could eat anything
that grew or walked upon the face of the
earth, or flew in the sky above or SWAIN in
the waters beneath, and yet feel no re-
morse. Some have even said that they
would be willing 10 go back there and
turn the grindstone while heavy and re-
merseess parent got up and rode on it for
an hour at time in order that they might
once more know the sweet, complete, and
oblvious sleep o. vigorous boyhOod.
TO those who may pant to turn the
grindstone once more in order to win the
largest amount of fatigue id given period
of time, let me introdune the grindstOne
of an active newspaper, wherein various
people seek to sharpen their own private
axes, meantime impressing on the boy who
is turning it that they are doing it purely
for his good.
The numLccT of opportunities that dali
ly paper has in twcnl four hours for
jumping on great wrong with both feet,
while the gentleman who furnishes the in
formation conceals himself in cyclone
Ia III -. Il,
solutely appalling.
Outsiders have openly accused New
Workers of lacking public spirit, and yet
it is cold and extremely bleak day when
from twenty to fifty men cannot be found
who are willing 10 drop irNnnd furnish in
formation, provided their names are not
mentioned, which will shake the city from
center TO circumference and result in the
violent death of the editor.
Then there is the anonymous man, who
writes a big, dropsical letter, in which he
courts investigation-for another man. Let
the gentleman who yearns 10 be a boy
again and turn the grindstone for day or
two read the letters written to daily
newspaper by those who desire to make an
open confession of the errors and trans
gressions of someone else.
There is also the gentleman who wishes
to raise fund for his own widow. lie
has been all his life man who has labored
for the amelioration of mankind; but now,
before he has got mankind more than half
ameliorated. he finds himself unable to go
on and complete the job. He has tried to
accomplish his great work by means of a
lecture which he has BEEN giving at $50
per pop. He now finds that the general
public, with one mad impulse. remains
away from the lecture and he thinks that
the general public oughtto be shown up.
Another gentleman who has been blown
up by a gasoline stove while in the dis
charge of his duty writes to say that a
Catterack is forming over one eye, and a
prominent optimist has told him that some
day he will have to do all his seeing with
one eye. The catterack has already grown
so large that he can almost hear it roar
He desires friend and hopes the Ameri-
can people will avoid the stigmatism of
allowing deserving man to 90 in debt or
else borrow the money. He says, however,
| that he likes the paper first-rate.
Every man who jumps on the newspa-
per grindstonc with his old. disabled ak is
very much pleased with the paper. 1t
suits him exactly, and he says that even
NHtll OlHCI IL uONu Ill ulSUuSI
he picked it up and read it.
Another man las been spoken 10 by .
great many people about running for As
SCISSOR of his town. He does not wish
to DO so, for he don't need it, and it is
thankless job; but the way property was
assessed last year, in his place, ought to
he shown up, and it would do much good.
He would be willing TO write a piece for
hn friy ba inc ,,l,1 =
if his name could be kept out of the mat
ter. He had often heard that in such
things you could rely on a newspaper
Office TO preserve the Strictest secrecy. and
he would be willing to take the risk of
preparing such an article. with the under
standing that it should go in as editorial.
He would deny himself the pure and laud-
able joy of authorship, allowing the edi-
torial, and the editor also, 10 be double
loaded, while he modestly and unostCnta-
tiously remained in Europe.
The freeborn American citizen who de-
sires an opportunity to get up on the top
of newspaper column in order to shoot
off his mouth at a personal enemy and
then become extremely elsewhere is said
To lie on the increase. The supply is so
much greater than the demand that the
foulkiler ought to have more help in his
Office.
A day at the editorial grindstone, where
people come TO write articles on health,
which contain covert illusions to their
style of codiver oil; where the man comes
who has just bought an option on queens
only TO see his means going down the al
ley accompanied by three jacks aud
short wasted revolver; where people con-
gregate who desire to raise funds for a
charitable object and act as treasurer;
where men who pine for a change come to
suggest how TO accomplish it. and also
good man for the place, would satisfy
most any one who desired few hours of
contact with certain style of patriot
The coarse, revolving stuff that is fed to
an average waste paper basket in twenty
four hours would ill the average man
with loathing. Some day the high -browed
poet of the future will toss back his dark
and fluent hair, twang his Tyre a few
times, and write poem entitled, The
Wall of the Waste Paper Basket" and it
will make Dantes Inferno" look like
lawn sociabe