The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-06-04
WIT AND IIUMOR.


TO hi, tailor.-Cdpe Cod Item.
Professor fear dot 1 gone doc
late Affab!e Young HosleSs-''Ah.
no, professor; you cannot come too late. "
-Jn3ge.
the devil may now and then miss
prayer meeting but he never stays
away from Il church entertainment
Rams Horn.
The man who knows he was one kind
of Il fool Yesterday often has sus-
licion he is some other kind of fool
to-day. Rams H0rm.
Il like a man with history" said
Holaway. Yes; he's degree better
than man with poem" returned
Skitt.-N. J. Herald.
odd You ever take temperance
frink?n Yes" responded the Ken
tuckian. sadly. Il passed through the
experience once. "-LJr.
..What is rrprntarce?' asks con-
Temporary. As Il rule. repentance is
being sorry hen it is too late to do
any good.-N. !. Recorder.
Shea penny for your thoughts"
He But they are worth their weight
in gold Shc-.'Well. half penny.
then. "-Indiannpotis journal.
Nothing can make Il man who is
stepping into the pit believe that shak-
ing hands with two iinge has a grain
of religion in it.-Ram's Horn.
why have you got that string
around your lingcr2" 10 remind me
that | have forgotten what my wife
told me 10 buy. ~ OlC2H Citizen.
The man who feels himself to be
different from other men" shouldn't
always Drag about it. Dime museum
freaks are in he same iix.-PHcE.
Peddler Confidently to hutler)-
"Od ladies lomr?' New Butler
Private dwellings Yer good fer
nothin' havsec,Ii' -IdrUard Lantpo0n.
This is in full OF account" said the
barkecper as he took the change out OF
a bill. Also" replied the customer.
ION account of Il full. Washington
Post.
Yes. the doctor has given him up"
she said tearfuliy. Well" said the
caller there's one hope yet. Let him
give the doctor up.'-iHiiadelphia
record.
Sanso-'.The summer girl comes
with the returning birds" Rod-"f es.
and she will depart with them in the
fall-wearing them Oh her hat. ~.
Y. Herald
Rev. Bronston-"Did you make any
Lenten sacrifices during the penitential
season." Young Lady Yes, indeed.
| wore a small hat at the theater. -
N. Y. Weekly.
but is he fashionable dentist?
Il should say he was. He receives his
clients in the parlor and operates on
them in his drawing-room."- Phita-
| deiphta Times.
She-"Darling do you love me?"
| He (kissing her rapturously and re-
peatedly)-''Do /? | wish you were a
two-headed girl. That's all can say!"
London Til BITS.
Paw" asked Tommy Figg, what
does years of discretion mean?' 1t
means" interrupted Mrs. Figg, that
man is Old css,ugh to drink whisky"
indianapolis JOurnat.
Rewards are offered for designs for
the new silver dollar. Most people
| have designs on the dollar, but the
| dollar itself to them is Il sufficient re-
ward. -BinghantoM Republican.
Say, have you had your store
| broken into?' No. You see every
thing is so very cheap here that if a
thief warts anything he simply comes
in and pays for it Flicgende Byatter.
+ Harry guessed in moment
last night that May was engaged. "
| Blancl.-''Why, what made YOU think
500" Harry She tried her prettest
| to get me to propose. ~ y. Herald.
rs your husband a religious man?"
I'm not quite certain. When | hear
him speak in the prayer meeting |
think he is; when hear him speaking
at home | think he isn't."-N Y
Press.
Judge-'Have you anything to say
in your defense. prisoner" Only
this, Your Honor. 1t was all mis-
take. | intended to rob another house
and mistook the number. Flie9eRde
Batter.
young Kentucky farmer recently
eloped with two married women,
sisters. The husbands refuse to inter-
fere. They believe that he deserves all
the punishment he will get.-N. y
Recorder.
Medium-"If you are a spirit tell me
where You live" Spirit (of average
woman)-'In Heaven" Are YOU
happy?' Not very ''Whv?n
There is nobody TO look down or
Good NeWs
First Widow How is it Won draw
Il pension from the Government? Your
husband wasn't in the war, WAS hep
Second Widow-"No. but NV fathers
substitute contracted nostalgia at Bull
Run."-Lye.
Irate parent Gin the door, TO his
clerk. who was careSsing his daughter)
Young man YOU are not hired
to do that kind of work" Clerk
That's SO. I'm doing it for nothing"
-7eTas SytingS.
Bereaved Widow-"Whv. doctor,
YOU have the effrontery TO charge me
$500 for treating my poor dear husband
aud he died. after all" Doctor-'Well
didn't you collect so, 900 life inSur-
ance?"-Epoch.
Hobbs (wishing to hire suite of
rooms and thinking his friend Gilshaw
can assist him) Hello, Gilshaw; YOU
are just the man | want 10 see. I've
been looking for a fiat for over a week"
boston Herald.
How old do you take her to be-
doctor?" "Ah, madam. let me guess
surely not "a years." 'Twcnty-four
years! You make me laugh. She
was never rs young rs that in all her
life. "-Fliegende Bidttcr.
Did you havaa good time at Eva's
party?' No" replied little Maud;
Il didn't expect to have" WHY did
you go then?" so could come home
aud laugh about it with papa. like
mamma does ~ T. Recorder.
Il don't see why you went to the ex-
pense of Il covered van to move our