Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-01-29
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Judging from Looks-A Warning
A False Alarm Mournful Ac-
compartment.
4 FALSE ALARM.

A FALSE ALARM
Little Eddie Ito his papa)-Papa, here
comes a policeman.
Papa 4, bank cashier)-What! Here?
Little Eddie-No, he's walking past
the house.
Papa Gesuming his paper)-1ou little
imp! The next time you see an otilcer
pass the house, keep it to yourself.-
Epoch.
NEVER TOO LATE.
Hicks CLOSING the book)-Ah, well,
it's never too late to mend
Mrs. Hicks (snappishly)-No, not
when you've got as many children as
have.
HIS DEMURRER.
''Send me single rose to tell your love, !"
And he replied, 81 think I'll send note
instead;
For note and postage cost but one small
dime, all told,
While roses cost to-day just twice their
weight in gold"
JUDGING FROM LOOKS.
'sRather odd wedding, isn't it2 The
groom seems to be alone, while the bride
has her father, mother, and all the rest OF
her family here. What's his name~
~ don't know, but if looks go for any
thing | think it is Dennis. y Philadel-
phia Times.
AD>.TN1
Gushngton-Yo are the light OF my
life.
Alicia-Don't blow so much about me
or you'll put me out.
THE PALE FACE AND TIE ABoRGINE.
A pale face from the East effete
Went wandering into the West.
His stock of firearms was complete,
But his heart throbbed wildly in his
breast;
For he met redskin of the plain
All panoplied in wars array.
In his mind the tcnderfoot was slain
Before the outbreak of the fray.
Fiercely the Injun bore him down
And waved bottle in the air;
Portcntous was his awful frown,
But, "Gim me corkscrcw," was his
prayer. - New York Herald.
NOT MUCH HOPE.
Mr.. Slimpurse (after decided refusaD
i know what the matter is It's be.
cause | am poor. You would marry me
if | were rich.
Miss Gailie (thoughtfully)-Perhaps
so, but you would have to be very, very
rich New York Weekly.
a MoURNFUL ACCOMPANIMENT.
Best man (at church wedding)-Get
Whitaker! You addle pated old apol
ogyl What in creation are you tolling
the bell for?
New Sexton Shure, didn't Oh heal
tn young Teddy say wild 'er own lips thot
she'd be married wild ring?-[ New
York Weekly.
A Gladstone TINE.
Mother-Goodncss JOHNNY John
ny Why amt you at school instead o
hurrahing around the streets like wil'
indiana
Johnny dancing jig)-No school to
day!
Mothcr-No school? Why?
Johnny - Teachers dead. -EGoo
News.
AFTER A SHORT CoURTsHP.
James Gust married Why so distrait
darling2 Didn't you enjoy the rid
through the tunnel?
Mrs. jameson, so much dcarl Blu
I can't help wondering what the worl
would say.
sEAsoN-ABLE.
She-One swallow does not make
spring.
He-But several of them frequentl
occasion a fall!
THE POWER OF SUGGESTION.
eGoodncss gracious, what is that 2" h
cried, starting from the table as nois
like cyclone working piece-work shool
the house.
II guess it's that awkward new girl lie
one of the cakes | baked fer dinner drop
on the floor"
"Oh, it's that; thought the house wa
only struck by lightning."- Philadel
phia Times.
| A SUBSTITUTE WHICH WAS NEEDED.
Harry-Your remarks, Miss Jennie
are SO spiced with wit that they quit
take my breath away.
Jennie-rm glad of that, for you
efforts with cloves have been fiat fail
ures!
SLIPPERY RHYME.
"Therc's many slip 'twixt the cup ant
the lip,
Said willy, in manner quite clipper
But when he gave lip to his mothe
there were
No slips 'twixt the slipper and Upper
Daggett-Hello, Cutting, did you NEE
any glorious 'turn-outs in the Parl
this afternoon2
Cutting-Oh, yes. sleigh full o
pretty girls capsized. New Yorl
Herald.
HIS MISTAKE.
Amy-Young Mr.. Dolley has propose
| to me.
Mabel-Of course you accepted hims
Amy-Wcll, no. l had expected to
but in his proposal he used an irreconciI
able figure of speech, and l thought
could not risk my life's happiness wit
him. He said, "Amy will you wal
with me down the stream of life2" If h
had even said wade down the stream c
life could have accepted him; but tn
idea of walking in the water!"-I Bazal
SOCIETY BIRDS.