The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-02-15


CT with impunity as regards skating.
do not know what handicap is, neither
do l care. Mr.. Weeks can wear such
clothes as he looks best in, but when il
comes to skating l take up the gauntlet
on behalf of Staten Island, the hotbed of
athletic sports, where firemen are not
allowed sufficient beer money to make
an ordinary fire any object at all.
will accept the challenge to limited
extent only. am getting along in years
myself, but still read fine print, though
preferring editorials and display ads.
/ am an American by birth, and remem-
Der very well the fight between Heenan
and Sayers; also Lydia E. Pinkham-was
kissed by her as a child. can saw a
cord Of wood in given time, and look
forward TO a pleasing Immortality be-
yond the grave
| hereby agree to skate with Mr.. Weeks
from 500 to 1000 miles in an easterly di-
rection, from any point he may select on
Long or Staten Island, with bare
knuckles to a finish. ! also challenge
him or any other skater from 20 years of
age upward to skate backward up the
rain water pipe of the Chicago Audi
forum for gate money and the cham
pionship of the world. will also agree
TO challenge Mr.. Weeks or any other
gentleman of his age to compete with
me in delineating on the ice four pages
Of Sanscrit which | will select.
also challenge the world to compete
with me in skating on the ice an orna-
mental poem from Browning, which l
shall select; also decorating margins Of
same with fancy scroll work, turtle doves
engaged in trysting at springtide; also
eagle with Grsco-Roman beak and
Spencerian pretzels in his tail feathers.
will also agree TO skate on more parts
of myself at one and the same time than
shy other man between the ages of 20
and rs years respectively.
will challenge any man of twice my
own weight and age to skate the score of
the opera of II Trovatore backward, to-
gether with scroll work and ornamental
swan at top, wearing doughnut wings
and beautiful full arm movement panta-
lettes.
For purse of $1,000 and funeral ex-
penses viii agree TO skate across Lake
Victoria Nyanza as soon as the ice shall
DC suitable for that purpose. also will
accept a handic1A of twenty rods for
each mile, or anything else that is not
too indigesuble.
The following bona fde letter, with
the name slightly suppressed, is giver
merely to show that good help can al
ways be had in America if one goes at it
in the right way. The right name is not
Earnest Pernambuco, but | do not wish
TO use the real name, fearing that some
one else may seek to decoy my new
coachman from me before can get him
home:
NORWAY Herkimer co y y mr. Bill Nye SEQ
in your Letter in the new york weekly world
and thinkin that YOU mite wish TO employ a
hand 10 do some OF your arents thaUt wood
apply before enyone elce had taken the job !
wish 10 know If you wished TO imploy man
that is % years old and an olde crippel but can
walk with out a cane Bein disabled in one arme
ran drive jentel horse il desired 10 but don't
know eny thing about the city Of new york
tho have been thar for few days | did not
get eny aQuanted with the streRts or numbers
Of lots but think Good drive If the lady new
WHARF she wood ike 20 90 | wish 10 have good
bord and cood ioEins this means good bed 10
rest on after days work don arents or driven
10 you think / can get place 10 drive for a
lady or GO arents some say that | am good
lookin but don't wish TO say eny thing on this
subject pleas thar a chanCein form me yours
with respects EARNEST PERNAMBUCo.
Pc should want So dollars mouth Beside
bord and losn and washin yours truly z. p
exkuse all bad spelin or riteu
In me fancy can see meself trying to
get from the Cortlandt street ferry TO
Forty street station on three
wheels TO catch a train. with Earnest on !
the box and a tamarack pole under the
axletree of the of corner of our coach,
while / hold in my lap the dished and
disheveled nice red wheel which now
looks like a countryman's character after |
one session in the New York legislature. /
Oh yes. Earnest. we "an show Won the /
streets, but we cannot show you how 70 |
sit Up straight along West street or Full 1
ton street or lower Broadway and look |
like an ice cream Joseph while the rum
nosed driver of load Of loud smelling /
green hides and pelts peels the nice paint I
on your carriage and curses you in low 1
dlScord cut tones. You could also run
up "arents" for rs, but You must get 4
yourself out Of the Founding asylum, 4