The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1891-06-19
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some of che Annoying Things THAT
an Edltar'a EOul.c ~

Some OF .he Annoying Things That Try
an EdItsr's Soul T.
APoLooETIcAL-- subscribers will
not fail to notice the sad condition Of
our third page to-day. We had the form
ready for press whom Judge Gilbert, our
popular and esteemed Circuit Judge,
called at the office in drunken condi-
ton, and in his attempt to hug us to
prove his affection, he knocked tho
form into 'pi." We hadn't time to reset
che matter, and so had to leave the page
blank. While we are sorry, 1t is not our
fault We can't even pitch into the
Judge about it He not only owes US $50
borrowed money, but controls legal adj
vertising to tho amount of $500 This
Is our position, and we trust our readers
will appreciate It.
A BAFFLED CoNTEMPoRARY.-At ten
o'clock last Sunday night We got word
by telephone that some one was open
ing the graves in our private cemetery,
wherein lie the remains of the seven
different men who have tried to get tho
drop on us but were q trifle too late. We
made for the scene at rapid gait, and
what was our astonishment to discover
that the marauder was no less person
than our esteemed eontemporary-the
editor, publisher and proprietor of tho
Cow-Bell Gazette and Ding Dong Adver-
tiser. Tho old villain has stolen our
office stove-horrowed our wood pile
hooked our job type-conspired with
our foreman-bogged our ink-opened
dozens of our letters and lied about us
from Sunday morning to Saturday
night He has attempted to ape and
initiate our enterprises and repeated
failures have made him desperate.
He hasn't the nerve to pull q gun,
even when his nose is between some
ones fingers. He pooh-poohed our grave
yard in every issue, and sought in every
way to belittle our courage. Fired with
hate because everybody who comes here
want to see that little burying-ground,
he planned to 60 out there and dig up
every body and transplant the lot to
graveyard of his own We have heard
of stupendous cheek, but this case takes
the cake. What did we do? Well, we
didn't want to kill the poor old, long,
shanked, bow-legged cousin of a cactus,
but We did turn to and maui him until
the boys over at Ranch Fourteen-seven
miles away-heard his yells and thought
that a new species Of whipporwill had
struck Arizona We understand he
claims to have been "highwayed" and
robbed, and he's Dragging that no
wounded two strangers The case is as
we have givon it
STOPPED HIS AD.-Two weeks ago we
suggested to the public the propriety Of
putting a hempen neck-tie on Dan
Smith, the proprietor Of the Last Chance
Saloon, and swinging him up to a limb.
1t seemed to US to be the best way to
work reform in his everyday de-
meanor. Dan was advertising with US,
and no ordered his ad out. Result:
Dan Smith Is now back at tho Kansas
State Prison to serve his unexpirod
| term.
There's a moral in this. We propose
to take advertising in business way,
and as business Investment No mat
ter who is advertising with US, we shall
refer to him editorially in any way we
deem best Had Smith sought revenge
by shooting at US we should have hon
ored him. When he turned in and
stopped a six-inch ad. which We had
given him a low rate on, and which we
needed TO fill out the sixth column Of
tho third page, we decided that II was
time to close the game
MORE FoOLIsHNEss.-We.h have known
Jim Hastings for over two years, drunk
and sober, and we never supposed that
he was o bit sensitive about having the
entire American population know that
he sleeps in the ditch eftener than In
his bed. In our last issne we incident
ally referred to him In connection with
a barrel of whisky, supposing he would
feel battered II any thing. To our great
amazement he walked into this Office
yesterday and demanded personal and
public apology. He had with him o
written apology, good for six solid col
umns, which he wanted as 70 publish or
take tho consequences We generally
prefer the consequences. We did in
this case, and IL was a painful spectacle
to see poor old Jim, who was once q
gifted lawyer, and is now living on his
mother-in-law, pool of to do US up. We
simply dropped him out OF back win
dow, and when he borrowed O gun at
the Star saloon and fred six bullets
into the Kicker office we paid him not
the least attention. He Is around town
boosting of how he is going to shoot us
on sight. Foolish old mani We can
only pity you!-Detroit Free Press