Connecticut western news., 1891-03-04

CuOCh lull luC1uulU al1 tI0 Olu lutSluS III the villige & the long hared feller a4said. When l went in l was salootid with there cums the benited man"-"hear cums the hory- -heded unbeleever" cums the skoffer at trooth," etsettery, etsettery.
 Sez 1, my frens, it's troo I'm hear. 6 now bring on your Sperrets.'
 of the long hared fellers rig up and sed he would state a few remarks. He sed man was critter of intelleck 6 was movin on to a Cole. Sum men had big ger intellecks than other men had and they wood git to the Cole the soonerest. Sum men were beests 6 wood never git into the Cole at all He sed the Firth was material but man was immaterial. and hens was different from the Firth. The Firth. continnered the speaker, re- solves round on it's own axeltree once in 24 hours. but as man haint gut no axeltree he can't resolve. He sed the ethereal essunce of the koordinate branchis of superhuman natur becum mettymorfussed as man progrest in har- monial coexistunce 6 eventooally anty humanized theirselves & turned into reglar sperretuellers. This was versif- ferusly applauded by the cumpany, and as make it a pint to get along as pleas ant as possible, sung out, 'bully for you, old boy."]
 s3 The cumpany then drew round the table and the Sircle kommenst to go it They axed me if there was anybody in the Sperret land which 1 wood like to convarse with. sed if Bill Tompkins, who was onct my partner in the show biznis. was sober. should like to con- varse with him few periods.
 "Is the Sperret of William To -i o!zins present." sed 1 of the long hared chaps, and there was three knox on the table.
 Sez 1, William, how goes it. Old Sweetness?'
 Pretty ruff, old hoss." he replide.
 Air you in the show bizniz, William" sed l.
 He sed he was. He sed he & John Bunyan was travelin with side show in connection with Shakspere, Jonson & Co.'s Circus. He sed old Bun (meanin MT. Bunysn,) stirred up the animils & ground the organ while he tended door. Occasionally MT. Bunyan sung a comic song. The Circus was doin midlin we'll. Bill Shakspeer had made grate hit with old Bob Ridley, and Ben Jonson was delitin the peple with his trooly grate ax of hossmanship without saddul or bridal.
 Sez 1, William, my luvly friend, can you pay me that 13 dollars you owe me?" He sed no with one of the most trenen- jis knox ever experiunsed.
 The Sircle sed he had gone. Air you gone, William?' I axed. "Rayther," he replide, and 1 knowd it was no use to pursoo the subjeck furder.
 then called fur my farther. "How's things, daddy?"
 "Middlin, my son, middlin."
 "Aint you proud of your orfurn boyT
 ''Scacely."
 Why not, my parient?'
 ''Becawz you hay gone to writin for the noospapers, my son. Bimeby you'll lose all your character for trooth and verrasserty. When helpt you into the show biznis told you to dignerfy that there profeshun. Litteratoor is low"
 He also statid that he was doin mid dlin we'll in the peanut biznis 6 liked it putty we'll, tho the climit was rather warm.
 When the Sircle sto opt thay axed me what thawt of it.
 Sez l, My frens, I've bin into the show biznis now goin on 23 years. There's a artikil in the Constitooshun of the United States which sez in efeck that everybody may think just as he darn pleazes, & them is my sentiments to a hare. You dowtlis beleeve this Sperret doctrin while l think it is a little mkt Just as soon as man becums reglar out & out Sperret rapper he leeves orf workin, lets his hare grow all over his fase & commensis spungin his Twin out of other peple. He eats all the dick summaries he can find & goze round chock full of big words, scarin the vim min folks 6 little children & destroyin the piece of mind of evry famerle he en- ters. He don't do nobody no good & is crss to society & a pirit on honest peple's corn beef barrils. Admittin all you say abowt the doctrin to be troo, l must say the reglar professional Sperr;t rappers-them as makes a biznis OH it. air abowt the most ornery set of cusses ever enkountered in my life. So sayin put on my surtoot and went home.
 Respectfully Yures,
 ARTEMUS WARD,