Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-08-12
THE DRUMMER'S STORY.


| the PariOr Car.
A Jolly drummer at the Hotel Nor
mandie RECALLED two or three friends
thusly recently while enjoying an after
dinner cigar:
| l had a whole exposition coming In
over the Grand Trunk last night. In the
smoker | discovered one of those little
faced men whose features strengthen the
theory of evolution, and whose style of
wearing his struggling red beard inten-
sified the faith in a cocoanut throwing
ancestry.
couldn't help discovering him, for he
was bumped up in his seat and snoring
so loud that every other noise was
drowned, and you had to look out the
window to see whether the train was
running or resting on a side track. He
snored in and out, kept his nose and
mouth both busy, twitched, groaned,
grunted, wheezed, pulled, blowed, snort
ed and wound up every series of strange
sounds with a prolonged p-i-s-h, that
created an alarming impression that hot
steam was escaping in the car.
There were lot of high headed, I'M
sociable people in the parlor car who
hadn't taken kindly to my advances, and
l was inspired with plan for revenge.
shook the little man up, and before he
could open up his walls of wrath, as he
was evidently bent on doing, | said:
"Here, my friend, you're not sleeping
comfortably. Come back here and I'll
fix you up"
I'm go you, sir" was the response,
and l took him, bushy hair, rumpled
clothes, wrinkled boots, bushwhacking
beard and all, right into the parlor car,
got him stretched out in two chairs, put
a footstool under his fiery head and told
him to go it. Three minutes after his
wonderful snoring machinery was in
active operation. The ladies elevated
their pretty noses and wondered how
that horrid man ever got into their car.
| was behind a paper shaking as If in an
ague fit, but doing all my laughing in
ternaily.
"Why, that's too bad, doncher know.
Tll-ah-Fll just excuse the crethah,
volunteered the ittlest dude of the
party, and he started airily on his dan
gerous mission. He delicately nudged
the snorer with one finger and said: "Ah,
| say, my deah sir, this is too much.
Cahn't you change caws, my deah fell
lahP gave my guest a sly but solid
kick, and he came to with a snort that
made the dude jump three feet back
ward and look wild. The red headed
man had caught the last request and LET
go.
"How the devil can / change 'caws
when we're travelling a mile a minutei
You're talking the same sense as you
look. What right have you disturbing q
sleeping gentleman like that? Get out
of this, you pipestem imitation, or I'll
throw you out the Window
By this time the diminutive champion
was half the length OF the car away and
white as a ghost, but he managed to
stammer out:
But we're all so disturbed, my good
fellah."
"Well, sir; my little whiffet, don't
you be trying to make your disturbance
epidemic here. | am comfortable and
you people are not in my crowd. I'm
with this gentleman. Now keep away.
There's a long run after the conductor
first goes through out of London, and
for over an hour reveled in my sur
roundings The little man snored as
though snoring for revenge, the enemy
sat glazing in impotent rage, l ostensibly
read a paper, and when the conductor
came through it was only to intensity
| the fun.
dollar, please" he said to the snorer.
Give paid my fare, sir, and first class
at that"
but this is a parlor car"
"Then I'm looking in the parlor, am II
Where's the sleeping apartment"
Here, have no time for foolishness."
"Then I'll not detain you. Good night,
SIR"
The conductor was about to lunge
when l slipped him dollar, he passed
on, the man only waited to say, 81 knew
could bluff that ticket puncher," and
then away to the land of Nod, only to
awaken when we reached the Brush
street depot. got even, and when one
of the ladies remarked for my hearing
that the specimen had picked up was
really better looking than |, knew that
it was only her head that talked. De
troit Free Press.