The Louisiana Democrat., 1891-04-15
A M'KlNLEY PARADISE.
Discovery of Suitable Retreat for I'll
Napoleon of Protection.

Discovery of y Suitable Retreat for the
Napoleon of Protection.
Ever since my dear friend Maj. Nc
Kinley was defeated in Ohio | have
been looking round for a residence for
him. At last have found it. / have
taken a house for the major and the
sooner he packs up his trunks and gets
out of Ohio the quicker he cane enter
into the enjoyment of this terrestrial
paradise. The house / have selected
for the major is in Ponte Tresa. Ponte,
my dear major, means bridge, and the
Tresa is small river which issues
from Lake Lugano and runs to Lake
Maggiore. When the major comes to
live here he will find this trnism in
Europe-that the more unenlightened a
country is the higher are it's protective
duties. l nave picked out house for
the major on the Italian side of the
bridge, because in Italy, that down.
trodden, tax-ridden monarchy, the pro-
tective duties are much higher than
just across the bridge in Switzerland,
which is an enlightened little republic.
dow he will see one of the prettiest blue
lakes in the world; and before him will
rise the high mountains that border
Lake Lugano both in Italy and in
Switzerland.
The steamer leaves Ponte Tresa for
the other end of the lake two or three
times day, and as fares are reasona-
bly, cheap expect that the major will
spend good deal of his time on board
the little steamers of Lake Lugano.
After his first trip to the other end of
the lake the major will understand why
I call this spot a Mckinley paradise.
| The steamer starts from the Swiss side
of Ponte Tresa. 1t goes for perhaps
| thirty rods and then draws up at the
wharf on the Italian side. The moment
the steamer crosses the imaginary line
between Switzerland and Italy the two
Italian custom house officers who are on
the boat come forward. Everything is
opened and examined, and there are
placards up on the steamer saying in
four languages that if you have any to-
bacco or cigarettes you must declare
them on entering Italy, no matter how
small a quantity you have.
While we were sitting in the boat,
waiting for it to start, on the Swiss
side of the bridge, l had the pleasure
of making the acquaintance of manu-
facturer from Pennsylvania. He was
staying at town on Lake Maggiore
and had come over for the day to look
at Lake Lugano and take trip from one
end to the other. We got to talking about
protection, of course, and he told me
that everything he had he owed to pro-
lection. He believed that protection
had been the making of America, and
the reason he was able to tour in
Switzerland and in Italy was because
of protection in America. / asked him
how many of his workmen were tour
ing in Europe at this time, but that, he
said, wasn't the point. Just then the
boat started and the Italian custom Of
fcers came and made him open his va
lise He hadn't much in it except a
supply of cigarettes, some guide books
and other necessary articles for day
trip. He opened his valise and they
spied the cigarettes at once. They said
the duty would be five francs.
sGreat heavens" he cried, "they
didn't cost that much originally"
The Italians shrugged their shoulders
and said it would be five francs.
| "Come," said to the Pennsylvania
"stand up for your principles; pay fol
your cigarettes and he paid
The next stop the boat makes is OF
the Swiss side AS soon as we crossed
the line, two Swiss officers, in differ
ent sort of uniform, wanted the Penn
sylvanian to open his valise. He did sc
and they looked through it rather cas-
ually. They said nothing about the
cigarettes, because cigarettes are very
cheap in Switzerland, almost as cheaI
as they are in America, on account O
the small duty there is upon them.
"Thank goodness" said the Pennsyl
vanian, ''this is over
''You onghtn't to growl about a thing
like that; that is the mere working o
protectionism; still, | wouldn't be too
thankful that it is over just yet if
were you'
i "Well," he said, "as both the Italian
and Swiss have gone through my valise
/ I don't see what more is to be done"
; "You wait" said. had been ther
before
i The next stop was on the Italian
bank and when we crossed the line tn
+, Italian custom house officers came II
smiling and asked to see what was il
the valise.
"Great heavensp' cried the American
II have just showed YOU
"Ah, true" said the Italians, shrue
| ping their shoulders, ''but since tina
time we have been in Switzerland; no,
we are entering Italy again. 1t will b
five francs" they said, ''for the ciga1
ettes."
Then the Pennsylvania lost his ten
per. There is no use in doing that in
foreign country where you don't vi
derstand the language very well. The
don't understand your profanity, an
you are not versed in theirs, and SO yo
are under disadvantage. He refuse
to pay. Then they said they woul
have to seize them, baggage and al
He paid very gloornily. After touchir
u. CT nrI