The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1891-06-08
FRIENDS IN NEED.
True Sympnthy-whnt 1t is, and How 1t
9Innifests Itself.

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True Sympnthy-what It is, and How 1t
9Innitests Itself.
Baltimore sun.
There is nothing more common in
this world than words of sympathy,
and, probably, nothing SO valueless.
P6liteness requires that when one hears
OF case of distress utterance shall be
given to the stereotyped formula, ~
am sorry to hear it." There was prac-
tical sense as well us grim humor in the
remark OF one who heard chorus of
that kind, and who Immediately held
out his hat for contributions and asked
chow much are you sorry?' That is
not the only way in which sympathy
may be expressed, yet It fairly tests the
reality OF the expression, ~ am sorry"
Sympathy to be real must be heartfelt.
1t arises from love, and love is not so
common as expressions OF sympathy
might lead us to imagine. The truly
sympathetic person really shares in the
distress OF the subject Of his sympathy.
lie feels the same kind of distress as the
sufferer feels; their hearts beat as
one. And when he comes to express
his sympathyis notin measured phrases,
but in thoughtful acts and speeches that
help to heal the wounds that have been
received, not to irritate them. 0cca-
sions for sympathy are relished by the
Pharisce. He can, while expressing his
own sorrow, call attention to the fact
that If his advice had been token or his
principles followed there would have
been no distress. He does not know or
does not care that his words only serve
to increase the misery and grief OF those
to whom they are addressed. No one
to whom misfortune has come fails to
recognize when too late that If he had
done something different from that
which he did other results might have
been reached. That is very often the
chief cause Of his distress, and the
Pharisee, while protesting sympathy,
takes great delight in pointing out the
fact. But the truly sympathetic friend
is thoughtful as well as. kind. lie does
not disturb old sores, but socks TO
direct attention to q hopeful
future. Time Is the great healer
after all, and he seeks to
make the way pleasant while time is
given an opportunity TO bring its heal
ing balm. Then, ii necessary, when
there has been some recovery from dis
tress and suffering, he may seek to
point moral by directing attention to
the mistakes that have been made. His
first aim, however, is to put himself in
thorough accord with hfs friend, to
make himself understand and feel the
conditions, temptations and circum-
stances that brought about the fall in
fortune, the loss OF reputation or some
other misfortune that aroused his SYM
pathy. Only when lie has himself up.
preciated the nature OF the distress and
its cause is he fitted to be intelligcntly
sympathetic. That there is very little
real sympathy in the world, notwith-
standing constant reiterations OF the
phrase, 81 am sorry" may be judged
from the way friends fall away from
men who have been blighted by misfor-
tune. All kinds OF excuses are made.
His own vices or follies have
been the cause OF his ruin;
he refused to take the Sdvice Of
his friends; he was foolish in his
devotion to some impracticable idea; it
was useless to try TO save him because
he was too headstrong. Any OF these
excuses suffice to comfort the conscience
OF the man who says he is sorry, but. .
who does nothing and says nothing TO
help his old-time friend in the time Of
his greatest need. Yet il friendship is
real and sympathy genuine they dwell
in the heart and are not governed by
the cold, calculating laws Of reason.
The unfortunate may be foolish, head.
strong even criminal, yet sympathy
looks beyond these faults to the quail.
ties that in times of innocence or pros.
perity inspired affection and seeks TO
ind some balm for the sufferer. The
severest test OF friendship, perhaps, is
the discovery that the object OF 1t has
been unworthy. Take, for example, the
case Of n man honored and respected in
public and private life who is suddenly
discovered to be a deiaulter, false
to those who trusted him, dishonest and
criminal. For him, MS for all others
in distress, there is the usual greeting
OF friends and acquaintance, Il am
sorry" but what is there OF real sym
pathy2 Few there are who attempt to
put themselves In his place, TO realize
the temptations under which ne yielded,
to picture to themselves the mental dis
tress under which he labored when he
first discovered that he was in the tolls,
to imagine the effort he made to retrieve
himself and that forced him to a life OF
hyprocisy. Those who do so, though
not condoning his wrongdoing seek
ing to shield him from Just punishment,
will thoHghtfully show their sympathy
for him by trying TO reinstatc him with
out wounding him deeper by taunts
repSoaches. True sympathy docs not
palliatc or excuse wronsdoing, but seek
10 reform the wrongdocr by kindly
words and acts that does not rpnkle in
the bosom or increase the the distress OF
those who have been overwhelmed by
the consequences OF their follies or their
crimes. II is inteliigently used TO heal
the wounds from which a friend suffers,
not thoughtlessly or brutally used TO
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