The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-04-30
WIT AND IIUMOR.
A wise son lnoweth his own fathers


Student" How did your college
open this year?" Student-''W With a
rush. y Columbia Spectator.
1t is not good time to read the
Billie while your wife is out in the rain
cutting stoye-wood.- Rams Horn.
Every one admircs a man of push,
but nobody wants to be the person
pushed aside by that man.-St. Joseph
Nelcs
Man takes with his right hand and
gives with his left until iie considers it
more profitable To take wit! both
DtitGS NeacS
What part OF lie service did YOU
church. II he RecessionaI," returned
Mr.. R-l'Hck
She CATER the hath) My dear |
feel is if | had been born auew.n He
in heavens name! Two birthdays!"
-fIiegeisde B'attsr.
Poor old Wixonby. He is gone
at last, but he died like Il hero. :"
''How's thal?' From starvation."-
Indianapolis J0url!ai.
What sort of preachers
are called doctors pa?' Pa-''The
kind who practice what they preach,
my son!-N T. Heraid
do you think these shoes are worth
mending?' Well, vas If | zole and
heel tenn, and put new uppers on TEN.
The strings are still goot."-Lyt.
Boys have been ruined because they
had to stay at home and turn the grind
stone when they should have been al
lowed to go aiishing.-Ram's Horn.
Hate him?n exclaimed the doctor;
Il think I'll shoot him some day"
Don't do that. suggested his friend;
that's dangerous WHY dou't YOU
prescribe for him? ~. J. Rcc0rder
The author had just gotten his MSS.
back from the publishers when he re-
marked: This business isn't remark
able for large profits; but it certainly
shows quick returns. = Washington
Post.
Mr.. Forundred-''W must retrench
our expenses this year, my dear" Mrs.
Forundred-" Very we'll; I'll begin by
telling my friends that my $500
Russian poodle only cost $3.50. =
Epoch.
Revivalist-''How many men have
been ruined by the horrible vice of
gambling-alas, how many?" Wiggsy
(waking up in time to hear the last two
words y IN take one. IN. T.
Heraid.
Now" sail the newcomer to Wash
ington when he saw decollete cos
tune for the first time, Il begin to see
what is meant by this social form that
have heard so much about. y Wash
ingt0n Post.
Il don't see how yon can be pleased
at the idea of your brother marrying
her. She's so fast and harum-scarum.
She'll never make good wife" 20,
but she'll make such delightful chap
erone!'-Lye.
Little Boy Gin the mcnageric)
Say, pa. is that parrot there the wife
Father (sadly)-'Yes, my son. Don't
you see how much larger her bill is?"-
Ctothier and FHrHiSher.
First Broker-"H times. aren't
they? Hope you will be able to keep
the wolf from the door" Second
Broker-'Tm afraid not. We can't
keep the bear from the street now. =
Hate FielTs Washington.
Small Grandpa, the robins
are singing this morning. Is that a
sign that spring is here?' Grandpa
(who has been deceived too oftcn -
No. It's Il sign that robins ART got
no sense. Good NcoC5.
The Squire-"Good morning, Miss
Violet. Bent on an crrand of mercy?"
Miss Violet Cine rcctor's daughter,
modestly)-''O. no! am just taking
few little pies of my own making
round to the cOttagcrs. "-Artel.
An old churchgoer remarked the
ether day, There are some people
who go 10 church and clasp their hands
so tight in prayer that they can't get
them apart when the contribution box
comes around. ''-BostoH TraCcNer.
Has she no pride--no sclf-respect?
How can she permit that fellow to
smoke while they are promcnadin@ on
the avenue?' 20, that's Charley Van
Ninny and she's afraid people wouldn't
know it's man. "-LJe's Cticndr.
Did you know that Skinner has
pneumonia and is not expected to
live?n No; how did he take cold?"
He got his feet wet going around try
ing to find where he could buy pair
OF rubbers cheapest. '-Lo1OcU Citizen.
so you sat just behind me-" said
the girl who wears large hats to the
thealer. Its so odd that | shouldn't
have known it. Did YOU like the play?"
1T was out of sight, :" replied the
young man, earnestly. = Washington
Post.
Look, Adolph. Your tailors sit
ting over there Don't attract his
attention" Amt you getting on
we'll tegether?" Yes but l don't want
to embarrass- him. He owes me re-
copied bills for two suits of clothes. -
FHcgends Biatter.
Nudge: Now. look at it in this
way: Up TO a certain point wine. or
beer, or any light stimulant does a
man no harm" Yabsley: And where
would you locate that certain point
about on level with your ears?"-
indianapolis Journal.
She-"Did YOU succeed in mastering
French while abroad?" He-'Nearly
did not succeed in making the French
men comprehend me- nor could. | make
ont what they were driving ut, but /
got so that | could understand myself
when | talked. life.
A gentleman had just succeeded in
saving big clothing merchant from
drowning. Il see, in rescuing me,
YOU have ruined your clothes. Permit
me to hand YOU my business card. Ten
thousand of the best suits in the city
from Sil upwards. "-Fttcgende Batter.
Brother" said the good minister
solemnly, don't you know that by
giving all your thought and work to
money-gettiug you are dvarling your
soul?n We'll" retorted the lamb irr-
tally, what does II soul amount to?
1t don't draw interest. does it?'-Mt-
1pYHHe9 Sentinel