Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-02-07

| her cheeks as though the red corpuscies recog-
nized the coming of their master. 1t seemed
the very occasion to prove his theory. de adj
vanced to her and sat by her side in that gin
gerly fashion which sometimes betokens q sus-
picion Of pin.
"May take your hand?" he faltered, az the
anterior ganglia grew delirious with excite
ment
"Yes, darling foreverr' she cried, with fer
| vor, and before Paul could pull at his waist
coat or scratch his bumps, as he always did
when distraught, that plump little palm was
within his grasp, that aureate head leaned
! against his contracted chest; even q lock OF
| those brilliant tresses had crept beneath his
goggles. seemingly distended from astonish-
meEt. and was tickling his blinking eyelids.
Alas for hapless Paul, The future would yield
ample opportunity for his Investigations into
the volatility OF the red corpuscles!
"Oh, ma, we're engaged I'm SO delighted "
cried lila few moments later.
80 am l." replied ma. And so delighted in
and burned crusts to the Mocha for the next
mornings breakfast much to the disgust Of
| the boarders who then complained that the
coffee was not as good as usual.
Yes. Paul married and became a good man
married For years he patiently endured his
cross; for "cross" synedochically meant lila.
He worked more diligently than ever. for alb
sorption acquired an added charm. He became
renowned as the most advanced thinker in his
profession, and yet out of it he dared not have
tnouSnt OF MS own Inc RED corpuscies van
pushed him and danced in derision upon his
| manliness. Sometimes, indeed he would visit
| boiler shops and walk railway tracks in
search Of quiet; sometimes he would attend
church fairs So not to be nagged. But such
pleasant events were merely infrequent cases
! In the broad desert of connubial bliss.
He may have been weak, but remember the
strain was a matter Of years. Had the duck
ing of shrews been a custom Of the times
lila would surely have grown amphibious
Harx rpioa hat 10
saw-filers spine CULVER; her eyes were peren-
| NAL springs OF tears; her tongue exemplilled
| perpetual motion and the indestructibility Of
matter. As for nails she was more prolific OF
them than hardware shop, at least SO the
doctors bumps thought and they often re-
ceived marks of her appreciation, won, like
many a race, by a scratch.
Well, the worm will turn-an easy enough
matter, after all, for its sinuosity-and Paul
finally did come to ponder over his unhappy
lot Had fate sentenced him to tortue for life.
or was there not at least some mitigation which
his vast knowledge could suggest? She surely
was not mad; there was too much method to
make such a theory tenable; but were not such
snappy eyes, such raking talons, such a biting
tongue, such an uncomfortable temper, such
an evil disposition, all manifestations of dis
| ease which. though chronic, might still prove
durable? While there's life there's hope and
lila was so full of life.
Why are some women so amiable and others
81 OulOus! WAS IL merely q matter OF euucablOn
and character. was there not some faint,
some disorder, some physical-even though
mlcroscopical-scourge which insidiously af-
hicted the latter and thus rendered them,
against their wills, SO distressinSly different
from the former?
Now, Parl was materialist and evolutionist,
disciple of Pasteur and of Koch who had often
exceeded his masters. He was as familiar with
bacteria as he had judged Swift to have been.
The bacillus, like the poor, he believed to be
always with US. So he pondered until his mind
formulated daring theory. Then he inves-
tlgated. following, as is common with physicists,
the trend OF his former researches. With in
finite care and skill he prepared a peculiar
sensitive paper OF his own invention. He scat
tered it over the desk and chairs in his study
He turned paler than the enhances of his eyes;
he pulled at his waistcoat; he scratched his
bumps; then, with the brayado born of de,-
pera;ion, he went to the head of the stairs and
called for Tilla. She came, no. from indigna-
ton and the kitchen stove, her fiery nair We. on
end from the squabble with the servants which
he had thus rudely interrupted. Yet this devo-
tee of science finched not.
MY dear, he commanded "there's a button
of my coat. Attend to it ct once.''
A button off his coat! Why, during the thir-
teen years of his matrimonial expiation his
clothing had been held together by strings and
hairpins and other Crusoe-like devices, and
yet never a murmur. There followed an
epicene bull batting. The red corpuscles grew
claw within a dove.
Its always the way," she began. ''To think,
after all these years of toiling and moiling and
working ones flesh off ones fingers for such
thing as thisn' And away she stormed for
full hour until her very lungs failed her. And
Paul, although he resembied notable aspen.
and shook until his shoestrings frayed, urged
her on by well-timed aside5 and Rugged him
self in triumph, for he had observed several
OF his sensitive sheets to curl before the scorch-
ing breath of her wrath.
When tears had produced headache and
headache had led the tottering sufferer to her
bed Paul subjected these sheets to the minute
microscopical examination which only he
could make. For hours he labored, Oblivion
TO aught save the exhaustive search. At length.
when midnight was striking good night and
good morning. he raised high his hands in ex-
ultation and, like the bath-tub philosopher of
old, shouted: Il have found ii ~
He had singularly lively bacillus of spe-
cies hitherto unknown.
my dear" said Paul the next morning in
suppliant tones, Il feel the need of change of
air. My liver is just the least trihe torpid. 1
think that shall go to our country seat for
few days, and do 30 want you to accompany
me-"
Oh. crafty Paul! OF course that wish set
tied it, as he knew it would. OF course she
said that she, for one, had no time for such
idleness; that her liver was all right; if il
wasn't she q know the reason why and mighty
quick, too; that he could go if he saw fit. and
good radiance; but as for her, her place was at
home, and there she should STAY; she knew her
duty too well to go gallivanting hither and
thither, heller skelter, and let the things her
poor dear mother had given her come to rack
and ruin. &c.
So Paul, like released schoolboy, went on
his way rejoicing to the little box back of Shiloh
which his industry had purchased in the last
days Of his freedom as a dovecote for the
honeymoon. Despite the depressing associa-
| tons o. the spot he happy, for he was
alone. He sat within his little study emitting
grotesque chuckles and swapping the enlarged
knuckles Of his Simian fingers like ratifyinR
powder crackers.
Let me see," he soliloquized. 81 Will get
mule for obstinacy; yes, and perhaps q balky
horse. Then. what is uglier than a bulldog
Oh. l must surely have a cross-eyed bulldog
with lots of teeth. A peacock is vain and has
voice like a rusty hinge. Well. brace of
peacocks will be useful, and SO will a parrot
an old one that imagines that incessant chatter
| is reason And cats-grimalkins that can
scratch and spit and sing all night-oh, must
depopulate the sheds of them, A ferret ia
quick of eve and fond Of finding out things:
ferret il indispensable. Now. let me think
As passed through Shiloh this morning. didn't
notice the flaming bills of a menagerie? I'm
sure did. The very thing If don't buy n
wolf, hyena, q jackal, a gorilla and an os-
trich, il only because money has lost its mr.