Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1891-02-18
NO. g..
GLOOM DfSPELLERS.
a buy-word-''How much?"


paid; she's got the rocks?
A girl will naturally express q can
died opinion of the young man who Is
constantly bringing her confectionery,
Girls solemnly promise to be the wives
Or doctors, lawyers or business men,
But when the wedding day arrives
The minister usually marTies them.
First Newspaper Man-"Did you do
any literary work on your voyage
across?" Second Newspaper Man
Eyes, l contributed extensively TO the
Atlantic"
~ hear that young Lazie passed his
examination in anatomy0 with honors;
did he have a private tutor?" ''No,
he went in bathing every day at
Asbury Park"
Accepted Suitor-"Won't you find
it awkward when you meet your other
two husbands in heaven?" Interesting
Widow--''I don't expect to meet either
of them there"
Omaha Wife-"I see that even Sui,
Ivan is a monopolist." Husband -
80? I thought he was among the
strikers" Wife "No, all Of his
mills are in 'the ring"
care you fond of diamonds, Mr..
De Smythe?" said a young lady.
"Wel," said he, absent mindedly,
"that would naturally depend on what
was trumps, wouldn't it?"
Mr. Oldbeau-"And your husbandp
Widow-''In heaven these two years"
Mr.. Oldbeau tim shocked at the
news! He and 1 used 70 go out to-
gether. 1 never would have dreamed
it."
"Pa" Inquired Bobby, as they were
returning from revivalist meeting),
''why, do those people shout so loud;
is God deaf!" "No, Bobby, but in q
case of that kind, He Is good way
off"
''I really don't see what is the matter
with my razor today. 1t is so dull that
it don't cut at all" said Johnny's pa
"Why, pa" said Johnny, ait was
sharp the other day, when I used 1t to
make ship with. Epoch.
'NIrs. MacPowers, don't be afther
pokin' yer tongue out at me, but act
loike lady for wunst an come outside
the door for moment an oil make
the ugly face O. you look loike the
Pan Handle Route to Chicago"
"What on earth is the matter with
that razorI" shouted the victim, a. he
writhed in the barber's chair. "Deed,
sab, dere isn't muffin de mattah wuf
de razah, but you whiskahs sutny acks
ez if dey'd bin nickel plated"
Sharpe-"Just give that messenger
call whirl, will you?" Clerk-"Yes,
sir. What shall tell the boy when
he comes?" Sharpe "Send him
around to the telephone office to notify
them that want to use the telephone"
America,
Multiplying the candle power
"Miss Kelly, Oi notice yez got yez g
new mirror" "Yis; Oi thought
'twould be more economy to buy wan
to set the candle in front av, soze to
have two candles than to burn kero-
chine lamp."-Judge.
Mrs. Coldtea-''We must plan an
extra fine dinner for tomorrow.
1t il Mr.. Coldtea's birthday. Let me
see; what shall we have for the piecs
de resistancep New boarder-"Why
not have the usual piece de resistance
the steak ?"-America.
Pity her husband-City dame Cwho
has bought little farm all
those fresh eggs are soft, go out in the
barn and see if some Of the chickens
haven't laid some hard-boiled eggs;
Pm going to make q salad" Mary
eyes, mum."-FrCm Time.
"Well, my dear, how would Farmer
Brown suit you for q husband2 He
seems to be uncommon sweet on you
lately" "Perhaps, SO, father; but his
hair is so red that" "True, true,
my child; but you should recollect that
there is very little Of it."-Judge.
Coming home from q picnic; john
"But, now, look here, Suse, do you
doubt that love youp Susan-"Not
a bit Of it, John, know you wouldn't
have squandered sixty cents for Ice
cream and things unless you were In
dead earnest, t,"-Rochester Post Ex~
press.
Perils Of the Summer Outing-Mr.
Dudley Spunger-"Oh, say, chappie,
we cawn't stay here, Ny tailor's
registered and 1 owe him cool hun.
dred." Mr.. Flashly Borem-"Pm
with you, old man, 1 borrowed fifty of
Charley Lawrence yesterday, aud he,
here, too."-Boston Beacon.
Something wrong-A child who had
just mastered her catechism confessed
herself disappointed, because, she said,
"though l obey the fifth command
ment, and honor my papa and mamma,
yet my many days are not bit longer
in the land, because I am still put to
bed at O'Clock. Times of India.
al don't believe you have been to tho
Sunday school. You've been In
swimming. Your hair Is wet and
your trousers are hindpart foremost"
'Wel you see, mar, was runnin' 30
hard to Sunday school that my head
got wet wild perspiration, aud then I
fell down, and l was going so fast /
turned over in my trousers"
The Bitter Before the Sweet.-Jim,
my-"Mamma, | wish you'd lick me
real good and hard" Mother (sur-
prised)-"Whip you'll Why, Jimmy,
you haven't done anything wrong,
have your" Jimmy-"No; but me
an Bill Jones are goIn' swimmin,'
and you know you told me you'd lick
me if l went, so / thought I'd enjoy
the swim good deal better If you'd
do it beforehand. ."--I.awrence Ameris
can.