The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-06-12
POOR OLD BEssT BowsER
Takes a Big Dose of His own Bad
Medicine.

get his money has only TO go to him with g
spring tonic a winter porous plaster, q fall
liver-pad or an everyday cure for rheuma
tism. There is at this moment, in a closet
set apart in the Bower mansion for that
purpose, more sure cures for coughs, colds
influenza, hay fever, oatarrh, toothache
rheumatism, consumption, torpid fever
neuralgia, fatulency, general decline, vel
low fever, smallpox, cholera morbus and
pneumonia than any New York hospital
could use In a month
Mrs Bowser hasn't seen all this stuff
come into the house without protest, but
protests have not been of the least avail
At the first word of reproach Mr.. Bowser
would turn on her with:
"Mrs. Bowser, how many doctors and
drug stores in this countryP
II don't know"
"Of course you don't. It isn't your bust
ness to know. 1 do know, however, and I'll
| tors-one to about every thirty of our pop
ulation. Just think OF that There are
also nearly 100000 drug stores, each one
supported by about forty SUCH people as
you are"
"Wellg' she asked.
"Well, it must follow that there is mighty
little sense among average people to run to
doctor every time anything gets out of
| killer. Think OF the money thrown awayP'
"But nothing ever ails any of US but a
headache" she protested.
"No, of course not. But why notl Sim
| ply because I'm a prudent and far-seelng
! man. lock the stable before the horse Is
stolen. In other words, during the five
years we have been married have saved us
from at least fifty fits of sickness, each one
| of which would have cost at least $50 in
| cash.
well, have you been getting anything
to-dayT she asked. IF SO. you might as
| well throw it out of the window, for we
don't need it."
Don't need it, Mrs Bowser-don't need
| itr he echoed. as he stood up and waved a
paper package aloft, "but we do need it,
| all of us need it, need it bad. Do you know
| what season of the year this is9"
"Of course, it's spring"
We'll, what takes place in the springw
Various things"
"Yes, and one Of them is a sort of col
lapse of the physical System. We lose
flesh. We are spleeny. We are bilious and
| subject to chills. We are in just that state
to invite a fever to seize upon us, and in
nine cases out OF ten 1t would be fatal. Is
it prudence to tone up the system, or to
have funeral in the housep'
What have you got thereW she asked,
avoiding direct answer to his question.
Roots, Mrs. Bowser, rootsI Nature
furnished man all the medicines needed
when it caused roots to grow in the same
soil he treads. Here is burdock, sassafras,
| sarsaparilla. sweetcud, blackberry and two
or three other kinds, each specific in it
self, all combined a sure panacea for nearly
all the ills human flesh Is heir to-"
And you are going TO eat them-al of US
must eat themT she anxiously asked.
"Wait and see," he replied with a POM
posity that quite settled her, and in due
time she saw.
H.
of the kitchen to make his root tonic. He
put all the roots in the tea-kettle, started on
a good fire. and at intervals of every five
minutes he walked out to cool his face and
to say to Mrs. Bowser:
Doctors Drug storesl Faughl In week
from now you won't know yourselfr'
After a couple of hours Mr.. Bowser poured
off two quarts OF dark fluid, which gave out
an odor similar to that of a ripe cucumber
flung against the smoke-house door in Au-
gust. Being alone in the kitchen at the
time, he of course took down the roller
towel to strain it through. He then added
to the liquid half pint Of whisky, an ounce
of cloves, one nutmeg and half a pound of
sugar, and put the whole in an old fruit jar.
"Therel That's Off my mind" he said,
as he returned to the sitting room. 1.-The
dose, Mrs. Bowser, will be one tablespoonful
three times day for you, and half that for
the baby"
"If we need it."
"If you need It'll Do you suppose I'd 60
to all this trouble il we didn't need it? 1
saw the signs of collapse In your eyes ten
days ago. and l may not be In time to save
our child. The ignorance and obstinacy of
some women Is amaZingW
She was Interested in book and did not
care to pursue the argument further, and
nothing more was said about the tonic until
bedtime. Then he went to the pantry and
took pretty hearty pull at it, and as he
came out wiping off his chin, he said:
"You can begin tomorrow morning.
Lands but that is tonicl really feel a
year younger for that one dose"
Then you won't need to buy any other
kind"
Probably not, but am the best judge of
that. II you want to collapse like an old
wash-tub after six weeks OF dry weather
that's your lookout, but propose to live as
long as possible and to have the company of
our child"
She had her revenge sooner than could be
hoped for. Mr.. Bowser had snored about
ten times when his toes began to crack
And q minute latter he was clawing around
with his legs. aud when Mrs. Bowser gave
him nudge to arouse him from a supposed
nightmare he sat up in bed and exclaimed:
"Landsl but how queer l feell I'm numb
all Overt Mrs. Bowser, are you awaken
Eyes"
"Well, I'm afraid I'm going to be awsully
sickn
Nonsense. That root tonic fixed you
all right"
81 know it, but I'm getting an awful
painl Say, I've eaten or drunk something
to poison mer'
tits that decoction, Mr.. Bowser."
"You don't think soP'
"I'm sure Of it."
"Then I'd better send for doctor at
oncem
"Do nothing of the kind. 1t will only
make expense for nothing You have 4S2
different bottles and boxes OF remedies in
the closet Go down and take specific for
spring tonic poison"
He half fell out of bed, lighted the night
lamp, and he was almost bent double as he
made his way downstairs. Mrs Bowser
followed him half way, knowing what was
coming. She heard him Gathering the bot
ties around for two or three minutes, and
then, seeming to hold one in either hand,
he muttered:
"Is this which, or Is that which, or which
in thunder is which, It's the first time I
ever needed any medicine in the night, and
now can't tell a cure for hydrophobia
from remedy for fits Mrs. Bowser!"
"WellT'
"Come down here Pm dyingl Look this
Internal old drug shop over and find me
something to eure these colickv nainsIr