davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

policeman. ifyou treat him like a. gen
tleman he will treat you like one. You
must remember that they have to deal
with the toughest class Of citizens on
Manhattan island. They have great
deal to worry them and make them ir.
ritablc. 1t very often happens that the
police show law breakers more courtesy
than they really deserve. The park po
iicemen are particularly considerable"
said Mr. Manhattan Beach. warmly.
The two gentlemen were walking
near the obelisk, while Mr. Beach was
the many virtues OF the
police. No doubt he would have said
more IN their favor II an autumnal
zephyr had not snatched his hat from
his head. and sent it rolling over the
grass. twenty feet distant. Mr. Beach
started in swift pursuit, in spite OF the
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

warning sign: KEEP orr THE GRASS"
and the proximity Of gray -coated po
liceman. who called out in a hoarse.
insolcnt voice to come off the grass
The hat impclled by the wind. took a
fresh start Mr. Reach made a beauti
full squirt, while the policeman made
such time that to Col. Roundup il
seemed as If he was provided with sew.
eral surplus limbs. Mr. Beach cap
tured the hat just as the policeman
nabbed him The latter escorted Mr.
Beach back TO the mall holding him BY
the back Of the neck and shaking him
from time to time.
"Your folks ought to send you to q
night school 50 you can learn to read"
said the policemen. pointing to the
sign and prodding him in the ribs with
his club. Poor Beach was specifies
with rage. but he knew too much TO ex.
asperate his captor. Col Roundup told
the guardian Of the park who Mr..
Beach was.
II don't care who he is II he don't
get out Of the park I'll run him in. and
you, too Now. 60 out through that
gate and be quick about it. II l catch
you in here again I'll run you both in
II you think because you wear high
hat and put on frills you can run over
me you are mistaken. You give me
any OF your back talk and I'll split
your head open. Now. git a move on
you." concluded the urbane officer,
pointing TO the gate.
Mr. Beach and his friend from Texas
walked slowly toward the gate. Col
Roundup endeavored TO cheer up Mr..
Beach with few appropriate remarks.
lie said:
II realize now how much injustice
has been done the New York police by
the sensational press It's not right &c
Islander such kind officials"
I've got influence" said Beach. hot
~. I'll teach that scoundrel a lesson
he will not forget in hurry. I'll COM
plain of him to the police commits.
sioners."
But, my dear Mr. Beach. you must
| remember that there is no more cour.
teous official in the world than the
average New York policeman. Ii you
treat him like a gentleman he will
treat you like one. by the way. he has
torn the collar Of your coat half Off"
20. I'll make an example Of him. the
hound. I'll put Alderman Duffy on his
track. lie is friend of mine." said
Beach. grating his teeth.
- would have come to your rescue. =
said Col Roundup. gravely. but after
what you said about the police could
not believe my senses BESIDES took
into consideration that the New York
police have great deal to aggravate
them. They have to deal with the
toughest citizens on Manhattan island
Did he hurt you when he prodded you
with his club"
II should say so. The miserable
brute should be sent to Sing Sing for
ten years"
AS a general thing" continued Col
Roundup. the police treat malefactors
and law breakers with much more con
sideration than they really deserve"
The man from Texas. however. re-
Trained from taking any further ad
vantage of the little incident. as Mr.
Beach was sore in more senses of the
| word than one. While Mr. Beach II
| still of the opinion that New York Is 9
great city. he is willing to admit thai
there are some men on the police force
| who should he weeded out.
ALEX. E. SWEET.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
HUMOROUS.

AT the Club.-"Going to Enrope?"
"Ya'as." 'IIow?" by watah."-N.
Y. Truth.
-OBrien-"Yis. Dennis is foin mon.
I've known him forty-five year Nc
Sweeny-':So how /. O'Brien-"Oh!
come off; he's no ninety years DID,"
-lIe-''ishy do you move away from
me?" She-"I thought you were going
to kiss me-" IIe--''I wasn't. Bless you,
l wouldn't kiss you for the world."-&.
Y. Press.
That Howl Explained.
"What makes the old cat howl SOP"
Waiter-"I guess you'd make noise if
you was fun of fiddlestrings inside. -
N. Y. World.
Betting is a fools argu-
ment." IIarry-"Of course it is VIXEN
the chances of winning are against
YOU" Geo-ge-"That was the idea
was seeking to convey. boston Tran
script.
Wouldn't Say Beans. -Clara--"Mr.
Mild is very bashful. We make him
stay to dinner, and at the table we
couldn't get him to say beans" Stella
why, he would starve to death in
Boston. brooklyn Citizen.
She Wants to Please. Mrs. Young
wife-"Haye you any beets?" Grocer
-"Yes'm." Mrs. Y.-''Please. send me
up two pounds of live ones" Grocer
Live ones?" Mrs. Yves. nv hus-
band says he has no use for dead ones. :"
Minneapolis Tribune.
photographer Ito small boy)-
Now, sonny, you see this picture of a
boy with gun? Fix your eyes on that
and look pleasant" Small Boy
can't. I'm afraid Photographer
What are you afraid of?' Small Boy
Elm afraid the gun'll go off"
Too Many Buts.-Qn the Gloam-
ing)-Algernon Du Bots (fondly)--
Sweet girl, fain would call you
mine. but-but-" Sweet Girl softly
well. dear?' A. Du b. (hesitating.
ly)-'I love you fondly, but" $. G.
(icily)-"Algy. if you please, cease be.
ing a goat and talk like man. Pitts.
burgh Bulletin.
Couldn't Catch Him. mother
OF four daughters, OF whom one has re.
Gently been married. was asked by a
young man sitting beside her in the
drawing room whom she would like for
a son-in-law. "And which of my girls
could you like besto" lie lighting
shy)-"The married one. "-Fliegen.le
Batter.
Think Before You Speak. Miss
Whopper--"Now, you don't think these
shoes are too small for me, do you?'
Clerk-"They look a little tight" Miss
Whopper-"Well; I shall 60 where
can get pair to fit me-" Proprietor
(who has heard alD-"Young man, you
have grossly insulted a lady. don't
want such man in my employ. You
are discharged, sir."-Brooklyn Citizen.
-lIome-Seeker inspecting a flat
SHOW in the world are people to live in
such cubby-holes as these?" Agent
Easy enough, mum. All you need is
folding-beds and camp-chairs and self.
doubling-up tables, and a few things
like that" ''Humph! / can hardly
turn round in these rooms myself.
II see, mum. It's too bad to be affiict
ed. mum. You should take antifat"
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

tention paid to a statesman just fresh
from the daisies and cowslips and butter
cups Of far-off home. you or were SO
circumstanced that our society should
be sought by Mr.. Mills, Mr.. Springer,
Mr.. Crisp. Mr.. Bynum. Mr.. Hatch. Mr..
McMillin or Mr.. Wilson. it is just pos
Sible that we. too. that is you and l.
might become somewhat inflated. View
ing the situation from this standpoint, |
have never joined with the crowd Of
scribblers who biennially write sarcas.
tic screeds concerning new members Of
congress with hayseed in their hair and
presidential bees in their hats. Never
theless it is true that some new men,
bers do appear most awkwardly POM
pous in their greatness during the
speakership contests. They are visited
by all Of the candidates. and by the
friends OF the candidates They are
promised whatever places they want on
important committees. Each aspirant,
either directly or by proxy. takes the
new member up into an exceeding high
mountain and showeth him all the won.
ders and greatness possible unto
him, il he will but fall down
and worship each particular can
didate. OF course these things
grow monotonous to US, as we look on
and see how the game is played year
after year. but there is something
perennially interesting after all in the
kaleidoscope changes which occur as
different individuals go through the
same experiences which have en-
lightened their predecessors; and how
differently they all conduct themselves
under exactly similar conditions OF
course every one of these gentlemen
wants to be favored with q command
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

institution in New York that cried aloud
for reform.
II know what you are driving at, :"
replied Mr.. Beach. II admit that
broadway is almost impossible and
some Of our other thoroughfarcs arc
not in apple-pic condition. but we are
about to introduce the cable-car sys-
TEN, and we must submit to the tenn
porary Inconvenience that cannot be
avoided"
1T would surprise you, ! suppose, !"
replied the Texan, ITO hear that in Tex
as, where the people are supposed to be
not much more civilized than Indians. in
the larger cities horse cars have been
discarded long ago. but such is the case,
nevertheless"
Mr.. Beach mildly expressed few
doubts.
in Dallas. San Antonio and other
Texas cities cable or electric cars fur.
nish rapid transit facilities that are al
most equal to your elevated roads. but
was not thinking Of your excavated
streets when | referred to New York
institution that needs reform"
II know You are sneering at our
climate. ! tell you, colonel, our eli
mate is excellent, in spite Of all that
has been said and written against it."
'Climate!" exclaimed Col Roundup,
with large sheer, why, you haven't
got any climate. You have a great deal
Of weather that is more or less disa.
grccablc, but you cant call that eli
mate"
whats the matter with the lovely
Indian summer weather we have been
having?"
1T is very good as long as it lasts.
but it does not compensate for the
tough weather you have all the rest OF
the year. In spring you go around
with your head tied up. saying: Its
sneezy thing to catch code In summer
your heat, instead Of being dry, honest
heat, such as we have in Texas, ID
mixed up Wits equal parts Of humidity,
causing those who are not actually
FRUSTRATED by the heat to feel as il
they were parboiled. In winter it is SC
cold most of the time that the mercury
has to rise foot or SO to get up to zero
| again. No, my dear friend, there is toe
much back-number weather bound uI
in the seasons volume to make this q
desirable place Of residence for any body
who has lived in the south; but the
weather is not the local institution t
which was abiding"
"Well. to what local institution were
you abiding as suffering for reform?'
asked MIR. Beach, testify.
II was thinking about your police
When am at home in Texas get tn.
New York papers regularly, and during
my several trips to New York hav,
had considerable opportunity to verif,
ny opinion that the New York pole,
needs reorganization badly. There II
an iInpoliteness, not to use a stronger
term, that would not he tolerated Il
public servants in the SOUTH"
There it is again." retorted Mr.
Beach; You have been prejudicet
against our police by the local press
which is addicted to sensationalism. ant
loses no opportunity TO Islander the OH
GERS OF the law"
I'm my opinion II it were not for thu
press exposing the outrages committed
by the police New York would not b,
fit to live in." replied Col. Roundup
''rhere is no more courteous officia
anywhere than the average New yorl
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

ing position upon some one committee.
SO that he may best serve his constitu-
ents; and also upon some other COM
mittce. in minor position. Thus the
northwestern end Mississippi valley
statesmen want TO be members of the
committee on rivers and harbors, SO
that they may enhance legislation for
their people by securing appropriations
for the improvements Of waterways OF
commerce. Gentlemen from the new
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Nothing Strange.

Returned Globe rotlcr tchecrily)-
had rather unique experience In
Egypt After toiliug YEARLY up to the
apex Of one Of the pyramids came
face to face with man who had
climbed up from the opposite side. VI
course we became quite friendly and
exchanged col 6dences. And then i'm
agine my establishment at discovering
that this lone stranger whom ! had
met for the first time on the summit OF
an Egyptian pyramid bore the same
name. letter fer letter. as myself
Casual Acquaintance-It was indeed
strange. Hy the way. what might you.
name bt.? We have never been intro
duced, you know.
Globe-Trotter-John Smith. Ma
tional Tribune.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
In New England.

Comfort. he said, do you love me?"
"Do |, Henderson? Look in my eyes
and see," said Comfort.
Dear Comfort!" he sighed as he
drew her to him. Sweet Comfort
solid Comfort!!"
N. B.-She weighed one hundred and
eighty pounds.-Jury.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
II So. Why?

Mr.. Oldboy-Do you believe matches
are made in Heaven?
Mr.. Newlymarried-I do, indeed.
Mr.. oldboy-Then how the deuce can
they ship them all the way to ST. Louis
and sell them five boxes for q dime?-
Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Getting Acquainted with Tommy.

Elderly Visitor taking the little boy
on his knee)-When | was about your
age, Tommy, l.
Tommy-Say. why don't you get
somebody to mend that big hole in your
hair?-Chicago Tribune.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
A Thrilling Incident,

Nervous Old Lady-My land. What
has the train stopped for? They amt
train-robbers, be they?
Conductor-Worse than that, mum.
They're putting off a man who tried to
take a political straw in the smoker
Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

Penelope-Every tongue in college
was wagging yesterday. You ought to
have been here.
Cousin Dick lin tremor OF curiosity
What over?
Penelope (guietly)-Gum.-Ju
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
1892

Will open up Red Hot campaign, and the
Plain Dealer will be in it all over, supply
ing its readers with chapters of political in
cidents, sketches and history, with deduc-
tions entertaining and instructive. The
National. State and Local fields will be
thoroughly explored for features of interest
to all classes of readers, and at the same
time it will lead in County News. Sample
Copy sent free.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

partly Ito see the elephant" as he ex-
presses It. lie is the guest OF Mr. Man
haitian Beach. q wealthy capitalist OF
Gotham. with whom tho gentleman
from the "Lone Star state" is negotiat-
Ing in regard to the purchase of some
large tracts Of land.
Mr.. Manhattan Beach is a typical
New Yorker. lie is an enthusiast on
the subject of New York's metropoli-
tan grandeur, past, present and to
come. It is with extreme reluctance
that Mr.. Beach comedies that there are
any defects in anything that concerns
the great city.
Col. Roundup, who. by the way, has
been in New York before, takes less
favorable view Of a great many things
which he sees, and he does not hesitate
TO say SO. This blunt candor on the
part Of the Texan CRATES on the sensi-
bilitics Of his friend. and is very much
in the nature of strain on the ami
cable relations existing between them
In fact. ii Mr.. Beach did not anticipate
realizing a small fortune out of the
mineral lands he is endeavoring to pur-
chase from Col. Roundup, the cynical
remarks OF the latter about the public
officials, torn-up streets, and other To-
cal discrepancies would be keenly re-
sented. As it is, they have frequent
disputes that threaten to interfere with
the existing entente cordidh. One of
these exchanges of opinions came very
nearly breaking up the impending land
trsde.
A eew days ago they were walking in
Central park talking about the presi-
dential campaign. Mrs. Cleveland's baby
and otf er interesting topics, when Col.
Roundup remarked that there was one
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Very Hard Tn.

Willis-I'd hate to be as hard up as
Broke seems 10 be.
Miss Wallace What leads you tc
think he is hard upP
"Why. he's been to see me ten times
this week TO get that FIVE dollars bor
rowed from him six months ago" Jury.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Their Side Of II.

De Still tell you, sir. my wife is q
regular cure.
O'Brown-So is mine; she always
keeps me in hot water.
De Still-Oh, | see, sort of hot water
cure-so is mine.-Brooklyn Citizen.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
GOTHAM'S POLICEMEN.
They Are Certainly Not Models Of
Politeness and Manners.

q Man from Texas Makes . statement
which Events Prove to Have Been
Founded on FAct-A New Workers.
Experience with . Copper.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Like n Hen.

THAT hen eats corn by the quart"
"You must be mistaken. I've been
watching her eat and she seems 10 do il
by the peck. Jury.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
A Natural Inquiry.

Miss Poplin-l have been out shop
ping all day long
Miss Muslin Did you buy anything7
Cloak Review.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
She Was Ereckled.

"She was real sweet little girl,
said Teddic. but she had an awful
funny face. 1t was covered with polka
dots. "-Iiarper's Young People.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
In the Dressing-Room.

Jack-Now must hunt for my
trousers.
Tom-Don'tl You might bag them.
Puck.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
WAYS THAT ARE DARK.
Some Of the Secrets Of q Contest
for the Speakership.

How New Members Are Tempted to Cast
Their Vote for Some Particular Cam
dIdate-Duties Of the Dress Pa
rAde Committee Clerks.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Readers
OF the
Plain Dealer

Need not be told that it is the Largest Pa
per! That it gives the most Reading! The
latest General and Local News That it is
essentially the paper of the People, for the
the People.
Alive, Aggressive, Enterprising and In.
teresting. Cheap at $3.50 per annum
and costs but $1.O0 per year.
These facts are presented for the considera
ton of those who are not regular readers of
the Plain Dealer, but should be. Full value
given to all.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Especial New York letter.

HERE is q prom
inent southern
er. Col. Round
up. of lious-
ton, Tex, at
present in New
Y ork lie is
here partly on
t,ncsnncc or n
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22
MARRIED

IN fyebarE, SEPT Z, wm. u iiani 80
A. saith. bssh ~ fryeburx. -, .t,ssf.
In Near Fall.. sept !, ~ ~ lota ..l.s.
Lewis 4. Tlssmp.,n AMI Lsrinta . tan-
bssh ~ Porter. 80, NJ
FINEST Turner AL Ml.. hilis y. Ma
% Mason. a, IA
In West Paris, ssyt- lath. ~ " 49,.
NJ. Jerry u. Cole sSd Miss issr'ha y
hath ~ Paris. "a
On south Paris, ss.s. I'm. ~ Re- . "a
M. klner y. Msrtsn All Me l-"fa
i-sh of Anioter. u.Na
In bssi.sl. Ne. sept u. ~ ", hiss.a
seorre W. Annss ant fh,Fcnos y
toth of bsthsl.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22
DIED.

In south Waterford. Aus q. RashsL s'S
1-aAe Whisc,ss. ss-i ~ yesr-- ,-.,,,,s =
90 Canton, ssg, Is. fblith. galf -ss. al
seveli asi Dsils staples. a<ei u
In ILshsi. SEA u. Mr.. l.. 7. B.fist ~"
is a~-sssli. ssv. ID. Joa.iA.s ii''s'
IL olisri. s~vs. u. Ms. Mar. .'i"' ."
iiayss-
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22

During q drunken ro~ In Chsrryfield,
John Scondling 81 ffehhurg. Mass.
assaulted Gcorgr Newcnham With a
pocket knife, inhlcting slight wounds.
ScOndling Nas arrested upon a warrant
charging him With assault With a dan
geruus weapon and committed to
Mashias JAIN until the October term %
court
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22

\ verdict of not guilty "a. rendered
Ia the kennebec superior court In the
case of John X. Pollard of winslow
Pollard was charged with assault With
intent Ca XIII while interfering a. an
officer Ia a disturbance near wateryille.
July 9Th. lie shot and badly wounded
sue Of the rioters.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22

sinsls Copies ~ N Isuascrst az feur certs
eseh. Th~y xtii ~ uAils.l 90 rsrsiIt - prtls ~
~ pahl.ksrs 90 fof ths oanssuienrs - T,atFsns
.inEls oopi~- ~ "a csrh l.sas have hssn pl-c~ioa
49, a ~ fplhosing plsTes a. 49, Ceanty
~ogth Paris, 0sfry's praz >tsrN.
shuft.frs tirug ~tarv.
>arway. >sy~s' pfag ~tirs.
nrukneki. ~ Atst..i fustnastrr.
uiNhskl. frsnk = tlArtss. ft.stn,Astsf.
trysturu. a. y LFsts. tasarancs ohrs.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22

NJ the winslow lumber mill Of I'D
ward Ware. the other day. the piston
rod broke. which resulted In blowing
cut the cylinder head. The head passed
within few inche. % william Haryill;
the rush IL wind that followed the fy-
log plecs knocked him down.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22
ATWOOD & FORBES.
Eass.ss ..s rv-pssss.ss.
Gsosak N. Ar~oon Ar rcsnEs.

rskss -sis, year N PAID ssrictly IN s.lxanes.
othsr~i-s tfs yesr >inxis oopls- q esnts-
All l-.si si,srti.smsats are
Fitsu nres Consecutive tn.srtions Zoe tiao Isf
Inch In snxth ~ cs,lumn. ~TsciAl csntrsfts
msais ~ith sal. transient All yesrly a,isertis-
ers.
posef. sxIsrtsnc~sl ~efkmsa and 80 pftrss
coaabins - u.ske this dsJzsrtnent "a car essi
49, oompists All ropaisr.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22
NV ApNEKrlsINkNrs.

I. Nsth's nias ~tarv.
Ck.aks. Fars. >ha~is.
Natke - ~as
~ = fsT 10. tAyntist.
ttsrryl ~tass-
iuanrr
aulfrl
t'sfksr's Haif ttai.an.
~ Ice tunsumrtlFef
~ Iuslrrrssrus.
Afantsssn's Cnugh Hasa.
NtrhsIfs nsita lnnna Plaster.
frnurruFa f-fls.
lFsfs A feni llanes
Nuflra
n trysiaats Nattres.
lussliFrulHr NaftHss
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22

Judge Richard Dresser 10 the Auburn
Municipal Court has resigned, and Gov
srnor Burlelgh has nominated Jeremiah
". Mitchell To succeed him.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22

The races Of Thursday were . con-
tinuation Of the interesting and succcss-
ful programme which has characterised
the whole fsIr. la the 3:5s class key-
stone, Black Nathan and St. fswrencc
were the only starters. u WAS generally
conceded before the start that Keystone
would have IN easy victory Tor hrst
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1891-09-22

Burglaries are reported In Cherryheld
and Holden. small amounts of money
OF goods were secured.