Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1891-12-17
5RoOsT OF RIB-TIOKLERs.
GLEANlNos FROM THE BOUND
LESS RESOURCES OF. WITS.
The Keen Cleaver OF satire cut
ting the Various Human
Foibles--Long and
Short Of 1t.
Testing A Terror.

hundreds of people came pouring in.
In those days every community had
its terror. He was supposed to be
able to out-drink, out-yell, out-shoot,
and Outright everything on legs in his
jurisdiction. Sometimes he was q
free-lance and again he was employed
as sort of policeman. We wanted
man to protect company property,
and one night a giant of a chap weigh
ing 2O5 pounds and six feet tall APP
piled for the place.
care you fghter?" was the first
question asked of him.
II am" he replied. GIVE had sew
enty-nine fights in seven weeks"
"Afraid of anything mortal?"
Nothing mortal or immortal"
"Shoot both handed?"
edo"
"Usethe bowie-knife?"
Perfectly at home with it, SIR"
Glow many men have you killed
this last year,"
"Well, this has been an off year with
me, as I was sick abed for six weeks,
and so I haven't got but 'leven."
Suppose, now, that a terror came
over here to clean you out? Have you
ever met any other terror and down
ed him-a genuine, first-class terror
from the headquarters of Fighting
Creek?"
II can't say that I ever have, sir
not q regular terror"
CITIZEN you can't tell howyou would
act?"
"Why, I would probably fight him."
"But you can't say for sure. How
ever, come back at 4 o'clock this after
noon"
We sent over to Cedar Flats, FIVE
miles away, for their terror We knew
him to be thegenuine stuff and when he
arrived we posted him as to what was
wanted. At 4 o'clock, when our alleg-
ed terror returned to the shaft, the
Cedar Flats terror suddenly waltzed
out on him with hair-raising whoop
and called out:
"Whar the bloody, bloomin' hyena
who has been passin' hisself off around
here as 81 fighter? Whoop! Waugh!
Ugh! Somebody pint him out to me
and then tie my hands and legs while
| bite his ears off!
Our alleged terror turned pale and
looked nervous, and the Ceder Flats
man pranced around, cracked his heels
together, and crowed.
"Cock-a-doodle-do Whoop! Pint him
out! let him stand before me! Whoop!
Tie me all up in knots, head me up in
that bar'l, and then I'll lick him orgo
over the cliff! Great snaps! but won't
somebody show me the fellow Who
pointed to our terror, and the Cedar
Flats man uttered a scream and rushed
for him. The chap who had only kill
ed 'leven men just fell right down in q
heap, and it was five minutes before
we could bring him too. He was whittier
than flour and limpsy as rag, and
it was all of half an hour before he
could walk away.
"How do you account for it," 1
asked as he was ready to 60.
81 must have gone into the wrong
business" he gloomily replied.
Chow do you mean?"
II ought to have been a preacher"
Story Of a Man With Sure Thing.
This is the dispatch he sent to a
friend at the racetrack just before he
invited every one in sight to have a
drink: ~
Put $50 on for me. Missed train.
This is the reply received as he or
dered the third round and telling every
one that he had dead sure 20 to l
shot in the second race:
Put $50 on what?
This is the answer he made allhaste
to send:
On Stick-in-the Mud to win the Sec
ond race. Don't fail.
This is what the ticker said as he
told the bartender to put half a dozen
bottles on ice:
Second race-Stick-in-t the Mud first,
Old Hoss second. Time, 1:51h.
This is the dispatch be received as
he was about to order the first OF a
half dozen bottles opened:
To late why didn't you give me the
name in your first telegram?
This was the reply he sent as he
walked out of the hotel bar-room and
started in the direction of the
government pier:
Can you give me the name of a
good asylum for idiots and feeble
minded sports?
Cut HIS Eye-Teeth.
Mr.. Gotham-Come back East to
live, eh? What was the matter with
Dugout City?
Returned Veteran-Too noisy.
Couldn't sleep.
Mr.. Gotham, to himself That town
must be booming.
Returned Westerner-I'm not going
back there again. I'm going to sell
out. 5s2
Mr. Gotham, hastil PUT the figure