davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21

Llge you a fool sho'I'' retorted Victory.
faint jes' ben had my HART turned t. We
longer dem POI cloes de minnit | seen We
ye did look so distressed An wen he be-
gun pickin' on ye, looked like I cudn't
bar de sight er him."
"Oh, laws, Vict'ryp' gasped Lige.
Thompson gave his former mistress a
murderous glance; but he fished his hat
from under the table, and muttering a
kind of apology to Mrs. Temple went out
with Mandy.
Perhaps Mandy consoled him. Kate and
thought it well to follow his example by
ourselves. There is nothing more to say
except that on the following Wednesday
Aunt Victory baked her own wedding
cake.-Octave Thanet and Lura N. Brown
in New York Herald.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
That Record of Age Likely to Stand.

A sensation was.nipped in the bud the
other day, and an enterprising critic 81
fenced
1t happened this way: A worthy bache-
lor picked up country weekly one after
noon, and, his eye lighting on an article
on Length of Days. he read until he
came to something that made him throw
down his paper, go to the table and take
therefrom the Bible, explaining this nm.
usual action by the audible reflection.
WAS Methuselah the oldest man, after
all? I'm going to look and see."
Alter turning over the leaves for some
minutes he came upon the passage he
wanted, and read, "And all the DAYS OF
, Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and
nine years, and he died" Then he began
turning over the leaves again, humming
tune to himself. Suddenly he stopped, put
down the open book on the table, and read
aloud: And Major lived nine hundred
and twenty years, and begat Terah; and
Major lived after he begat Terah hun
dred and nineteen years"
by Jove" he exclaimed, mine hundred
and twenty, and a hundred, is ten hundred
and twenty, and nineteen, is ten hundred
and thirty-ninel Jumping Jehosaphat,
never knew that beforel'
desk, grabbed a pen and sheet of paper,
and in ten minutes had written, folded
and inclosed a letter to the editor, request
ing the correspondent of his paper to con-
suit Genesis ri, 24. The letter was directed.
sealed and mailed, and then the writer for.
got all about his wonderful discovery and
fell to studying discussion on the tariff
in his favorite daily.
Nothing more happened until the letter
appeared in the next issue of The County
Guardian. Having carefully read it with
out discovering any typographical errors,
he smiled, picked up his Bible again,
brushed the dust off it, and turned once
more to Genesis XII, "a. He stared mo-
ment at the verse, opened his eyes wider,
gave prolonged whistle, and arose from
his chair. This is what he saw: "And
Major lived nine and twenty years"
The week after several letters appeared in
The Guardian in answer to the unlucky
epistle. Methuselah's record still remains
unbroken.-New York Tribune
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
A lest That BECAME Earnest

The old saying that "a kings Jester is
like dog in a lions cage was amply veri-
fed in the case of Peter the Greats famous
court buffoon, Balakireff, who more than
once took such liberties with his formid-
able master as would have cost any other
man dear. On one occasion Il cousin of the
jester had incurred the cars 0ispleasure
and had been sentenced to a severe punish
ment, no one daring to show any interest
in him save Balakireff himself, who at
once made his appearance before the of
Tended car to beg mercy for the culprit.
The moment Peter saw the well known
figure coming up the hall he guessed his
errand, and called out fercely, It's no
use, Balakireff; you need not waste your
breath, for | vow, on my word of honor,
that | will not grant what you are going
to askl''
Quick as thought the ready witted Jester
threw himself at the emperor's feet and
said in an imploring tone, 81 beseech you,
Piotr Alexeievitch peter, son of Alexis),
do not pardon that rascal of a cousin of
minep'
Angry as he was the car laughed in
spite of himself at this unlocked for turn
ing of the tables, and RENTED the culprit's
sentence accordingly. But not long after
this it came to Balakireff's own turn to fall
into disgrace, and Peter, in one of his char
acteristic bursts of rage, iercely babe the
poor old jester "never to show his face on
Russian soil again"
But Baiakireff's exile was not a long one,
for barely q week later the car, who was
then in his newly built capital of St. Pc
tersburg, saw from his palace window the
banished man jogging coolly past in cart
filed with turf.
"Hollo, you rascal" cried Peter, did !
not tell you never to show your face on
Russian soil again?"
Nor have l." replied the wag, with an
impish grin; this turf in my cart is Swedish
soil, every bit of it, dug up on the other
side of the Finland border"
Peter smiled grimly at the trick, but in
another moment the black frown which
few men could face unmoved darkened his
massive features.
at may be Swedish soil now," said he
sternly, ''but it shall be Russian ere long!''
And only few months later a fresh
stride in Peters career of conquest made
good the pledge. DAVID KER
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
Don't Go to Church on Monday.

Did you ever make a round of the city
churches on a Monday morning? Well,
don't do it. No wonder the clergymen call
it "blue Monday" for it is housekeeping
day. The church is cold, cherries and dis
NAL; the chairs piled high in corners, the
cuspidores stacked in the aisles, the organ
loft deserted and dusty; the unsanctifed
janitor, whistling "Annie Rooney" trolls
a carpet sweeper in every direction, filing
the air with dirt and general seeming of
neglect and decay. Don't go to church on
a Monday. The preacher never does.-St.
Louis Republic.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
THE MILKY WAY.

Over the Milky Way,
The ancient Hindoos said,
Unseen by light of day.
To Swarga go the dead.
Along its cleaning reach,
Between tn ethereal poles,
When Yama calls them. each
Must tread the bridge of souls.
Over the Milky Way.
Sang Grecian poets old
Once, driven far astray.
The suns red chariot rolled.
And each Olympian god
That same wild path above
With winged sandals trod
Up to the throne Of Jove.
Over the Milky Way,
The mortimer tell with pride,
As ray meets answering ray
Sulahmid met his bride.
Lonely in heaven afar,
His loves resistless might
Built out, with star on star,
That viaduct of light.
Over the Milky Way
Our later fancy runs
With science self at play
Among its maze of suns,
Where reason can divine,
AS sages wisely guess,
Those thicker orbs outline
The cosmic wilderness.
Remoteness infinite,
Where sight its course may urge.
Where thought may fearless fit,
And touch creations verge!
But swifter faith o'erleaps
The fairness of the spheres
To where Gods splendor sweeps
Thro' all tn eternal years.
His love yon pathway high
Built to life's summit land,
And babe this emblem sky
Tell US, who longing stand,
AS stars in countless sum
One stream of light prolong,
There joys so frequent come
They make one all day song.
All, not in vain for hope,
And not in vain for me,
That lane up heavens blue cope
Trails its white nebul8:
see the same eyes glow
That looked where Jacob lay,
And the same glad wings go
Over the Milky Way.
heron Brown in Youths Companion
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
A Joke That Was Lost.

The late General Robert G.. Schenck used
to tell story showing the English girls to
be as obtuse as the men. He was going
down the Mersey river with party, and
the turbid waters of the stream prompted
him to let loose to his companion, who was
a young duchess, that witticism that is
generally supposed to have been original
under similar circumstances with Mrs.
Harriet Beecher Stowe. Looking down at
the yellow river he remarked:
THE quality of Mersey is not strained"
isn't it?" said the duchess. Washing
ton Star
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
Gave Himself AWAY.

Mrs. Sharpeye (at hotel)-That couple
try to act as if they had been married for
years, but l know they are on their we'd
ding tour.
Mr.. Sharpeye-Guess not.
Mrs. S.-Yes, they are. He gave her the
tenderloin of the steak - New York
Weekly
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
A Good Suggestion.

Professor c., Green mountain boy,
who stood feet inches in his stocking
feet, desiring to take passage for London,
went To New York for that purpose. While
standing on the dock he got into CONVEX
sation with a stranger, asking him by what
route he had better go on his contemplated
voyage. "Well," was the reply, ''if | were
you, | would put a loaf of bread on top of
ny head and wadeP'-Harper's.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
A Tired Boys Complaint.

AS mother was putting him to bed one
night. Perhaps he was unusually tired,
certain it is he was very unwilling to go
through with his evening deyotions, and
when his mother gently but firmly in
sisted, ne said. "Oh, dear, you'll make me
wear my teeth all out saying my prayersp
New York Tribune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
He's Little but Powerful

At the age of eight years the crown
prince of Germany shows all the charac-
teristics of a military disciplinaran. One
day recently when entering the palace at
Berlin the guard was turned out in his
honor, and he noticed that one OF the sol
diers had omitted to bring his rifle. The
prince promptly caused the delinquent to
be punished for his breach of discipline.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21

Fricnd-That typewriter girl of yours is
the laost horribly ugly creature | ever saw
made me sick to look at the fright.
Where did you get her?
Business Man-Borrowed her. By the
way, old boy, drop in about o'clock and
go home to dinner with me-
II never met your wife,
"She'll be here about g. GOOD News
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21

The largest republic in the world, and
the only one that has ever lived century
On purely democratic basis, is the United
States of America, which contains 3,260, 600
square miles, being almost equal in extent
to Europe, which has fifty-nine Kingdoms,
empires, principalities and republics.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
THE AUTHORS CLUB.
Men Who Belong to It-Recent Women
Guests


Guests.
Especial Correspondence
NEW YORK, May 4.-The reception re-
Gently given by the members of the Au-
thors' club to their friendly rivals, the
authoresses, was not only unusual, but a
most successful and delightful occasion.
An impression generally prevails that as
class authors, and especially successful
ones, are queer people, of unconventional
habits, eccentric manners, having a good
deal of self assurance and disposed to ex-
act homage from all those with whom they
come in contact. Yet at this gathering at
the Authors club the most famous of the
authors and authoresses were the most
unassuming of persons, and were full of
fun and vivacity, so that the occasion
seemed to be more an informal meeting Of
jolly workers for the press than Of men
and women whose names are known wher-
ever the English language is read
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
This Is a Mechanical Age.

Mrs. Brown (at Mrs. Smiths tea)-Oh
dear, that dreadful Miss Smith is sing
ing again. wonder what started her.
Tom Brown aged seventh dropped a
penny down her back when she wasn't
looking. Tit-Bits.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21

Many years ago some careless mapmaker
accidentally changed Goblin City, Colo, to
Golden City on his map. The error was
widely copied into other maps, and to this
day one sees on some of the best maps tho
name of Golden City instead of Goblin City.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
His Intentions.

"Can you support my daughter in the
style to which she is accustomedf" asked
her father.
81 can. but 1 WON'T" returned the carr
full young man. Pm not extravagant. ~.
Harper's Bazaar.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21

One of the recent acquisitions of the Au-
thors' club is Mr.. Richard Harding Davis,
who has had phenomenal career. He
came to New York less than two years ago
as a reporter for The Evening Sun, and he
had the singular good fortune, when on his
way to the office to take his first assign
ment, to be approached by bunco steerer.
Davis understood the game at once, and
decided to permit himself to be buncoed,
and he was initiated into all the mysteries
of that queer crime. At last, when he had
the whole story, he collared the bunco king
and held him until a policeman arrested
him. Thus he was enabled to tell from per
sonal experience and with literary charm
the story of buncoed man as his first writ
ing for The Evening Sun. Since then Davis
has won an enyiable reputation as writer
of short stories in the magazines. He in
herits his literary gift, as he is a son Of
Rebecca Harding Davis. whose fame as a
novelist is secure E, j. EDWARDS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS.
1T SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED, SAYS
THE CONSTITUTION.

Some Interviews to the Power of States
and municipalities to Make Restricting
Laws and Ordinances-The Question a
Pertinent One at This Time.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-21
Business Is Business.

.Manufacturer-Have you succeeded in
perfectly initiating Good & Company's
goods?
Superintendent-Au of them, sir.
Manufacturer well. Get up a
circular warning the public against vile
limitations and put 'em on the market
New York Weekly.
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07

A gigantic pyramid, the most interesting Q
relic to the antiquarian now on the Amer
lean continent, lies few miles to the west
of Pueblo, Old Mexico The spot is easy
of access, and has been visited by every
traveller of note, either American born or
foreign, who has interested himself in the
least in hoary antiquities. 1t rises sud-
denly from the plain aud is built of huge
adobes, or large unburned bricks. AL
though mutilated and overgrown With
trees, the massive base and four stories of
the gigantic structure are yet almost en-
tire. humboldt describes it as work of
such magnitude and vastness as, next to
the pyramids of Egypt, has never before
been seen in the world. Its height is 172
feet, and the sides of its base 1,355 feet,
being 275 feet lower than the great pyra-
mid of Cheops, and 62z feet longer.
The brick material is interspersed with
layers OF stone and mortar, and the four
stories are connected with each other by
broad terraces These are ascended from
bench to bench by regular and oblique
flights of steps which lead to a little chapel
at the top, which has been dedicated to the
Virgin OF Remedies. In strengthening out
the road which leads from the CITY of
Mexico to Pueblo it became necessary to
traverse portion of the base of TINS an
cient monument. In cutting down Sec
ton of the base an interior chamber built
of stone and rooted with beams of cypress
was Laid bare. In, it were found skeletons
idols of clay, stone and bronze, and a num-
Der OF pottery vessels, curioosly vanished
and painted.-St. Louis Republic
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07
Fighting Against poa.onou. t,.n,,x

A fact which has been commented upon
recently is that there is an alu.nst entire
absence of poisoning cases from adulterated
candy. which were so numerous in former
years. This evil at one time became SO Sc
r1ous that an association was formed for
the distinct purpose Of securing the passage
of special statutes in various states making
the adulteration of confectionery with any
substance injurious to health punishable
by heavy fine; and for several years lib
eral rewards have been offered by this asso-
citation, as we'll as by its individual mem
bers, for evidence against any offender
sufficient to obtain convictiou under the
laws, the association assuming the cost
and responsibility of the prosecution.
In New York and Brooklyn there are a
large number of firms, including all the
large manufacturers of confectionery, who
are pledged to the prosecution OF all offend
ers against the special statutes passed by
the legislature on this subject, and by ap
plication to a member of the association
any suspected confectionery can at once be
analyzed free of charge.-New York Com
mercial Advertiser.
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07
Being Initiated Into a Secret society.

Being Initiated Into q Secret Society.
Here is the "reminiscences of gray haired
old man, graduate of Harvard, and a
man who has some reputation in the world
of letters:
ION the night of my initiation into a
society," cannot name it in this connec-
ton, for that would be a breach of loyalty
4 went to tho mystic hall with heavy
heart and shaky legs. This particular band
of brothers had a special reputation for
ferocity, and / knew well enough that it
WIS more than idle talk too, but l was
pledged, and forward WAS the word final
ly found myself mounting pair of stairs in
utter darkness. This was something of a
feat, for at intervals board would turn
up under my feet, and one leg would de-
scend into some unknown abyss, to the
great disadvantage of my best trousers and
shins
AT the very top carefully pushed open
door and sprang into a sort of water
trap, from which about three gallons of
the fluid, descending in a big baptism
soaked ME completely. Having passed
the water ordeal, entered, and was vio-
lently seized by several shadowy forms,
who appeared as sort of luminous, grin
ming skulls, which effect is produced by pull
ing shirt sleeve over the face and rubbing
it with phosphorus. Just try a shirt sleeve
mask and see if it isn't a horrible sight,
even in daytime. Well, 1 was soon rid of
my clothing and stretched out on plank,
on which were placed various kinds of
burrs and thisJles-anything but downy
bed
"Then there came a low, tomblike voice
Fetch the red hot iron. Diabolus.' Soon
could see through the darkness the gie am
of fiery metal; nearer and nearer it came
The, terrible voice whispered, Brand him
in the neck A horrible bolt of pain
flashed down my spinal column, accom-
panied by the sound and actual smell of
burning flesh. With yell that no stole
could have repressed leaped from the
plank, and stood in the full glare of many
lighted lamps, with the society members
dancing around me in hilarious glee. The
branding? Well, they used a piece of ice,
which gives much the same sensation as a
hot iron, while a fine beefsteak was actual
ly branded, furnishing my sensations of
sound and smell. New York Star
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07

one will hear it. God will hear it, That
Is enough. You hardly know of any one
else than Wellington as connected with
the victory at Waterloo; but he did not do
the hard fighting. The hard fighting was
done by the Somerset cavalry, and the Ry-
land regiments, and Kernpts infantry, and
the Scots Grays and the Life Guards Who
cares, ii only the day was won!
A BEAUTIFUL EXAMPLE
In the latter part of the last century a
girl in England became a kitchen maid in
farm house. She had many styles of work.
and much hard work. Time rolled on and
she married the son of a weaver of Hall
fax. They were industrious; they saved
money enough after a while to build them
home. On the morning of the day when
they were to enter that home the young
wife arose at O'clock entered the front
door yard, knelt down, consecrated the
place to God, and there made this solemn
vow: 20 Lord, if thou wilt bless me in
this place, the poor shall have share of
it," Time rolled on and a fortune rolled
in. Children grew up around them, and
they all became affiuent; one, a member of
parliament, in a public place declared that
his success came from that prayer of his
mother in the door yard. All of them
were af1uent. Four Thousand hands in
their factories. They built dwelling houses
for laborers at cheap rents, and when they
were invalid and could not pay they had
the houses for nothing.
One of these sons came to this country,
admired our parks, went back, bought
land, oPened great public park, and made
it u present to the city of Halifax, Eng
land. They endowed an orphanage, they
endowed two alnshouses. All England
has heard of the generosity and the good
works of the. Crossleys. Moral-Conse-
crate to God your small means and your
humble surroundings, and you will have
larger means and grander surroundings
Goodness is profitable unto all things,
having promise of the life that now is and
of that which is to come" t'Have faith in
God by all means, but remember that faith
without works is Gead.''
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07
The Dalles CbIODiCle

is here and has come to stay. It hopes
to win it's way to public favor by ener-
gy, industry and merit; and to this end
we ask that you give it fair trial, and
if satisfied with it's course a generous
support
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07
It's Objects

city, and adjacent country, to assist in
developing our industries, in extendine,
and opening up new channels for our
trade, in securing an open river, and in
helping THE DALLES to take her prop
Ier position as the
Leading City Of Eastern Oregon.
The paper, both daily and weekly, will
be independent in politics, and in it's
criticism Of political matters, as in it's
handling Of local affairs, it will he
JUST FAIR AND IMPARTIAL.
We will endeavor to give all the To-
cal news, and we ask that your criticism
of our object and course be formed from
the contents of the paper, and not from
rash assertions Of outside parties.
For the benefit Of our advertisers we
shall print the first issue about 1000
copies for free distribution and shall
print from time to time extra editions,
$50 that the paper will reach every citi-
zen of Wasco and adjacent counties.
THE WEEKLY,
sent to any address for $3.50 per year.
It will contain from four to six eight
column pages, and we shall endeavor
to make it the equal of the best Ask
your Postmaster for copy, or address.
The CHRONICLE PUB. co.
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07
The Dolly

four pages Of six columns each, will be
issued every evening, except Sunday.
and will be delivered in the city, or sent
by mail for the moderate sum of fifty
cents month
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1891-03-07

me catholis Doctrine of Good wori<s.',
Too Many protestants Lay Too Little
stress wOrAs-ReIigion should 90
Into the Everyday Life.