The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1891-06-13

I-<1 warns plaCoS, pArClCly
~ ut Detroit. put up
ut Mr.. Russel's tav-
ern, a very good tav-
ern too, but I am sorry to inform you
that the clerks tried to cum Gouge
Game on me. brnndished my new six
teen dollar huntin cased watch round
considerable, & as I was drest in my
store clothes & had o lot of sweet scent
I'd wagon grease on my hair, am free
to confess that I thought lookt putty
gay. It never once struck me that
lookt green. But up steps a clerk &
axes me hadn't better put my watch in
tho safe. "Sir," seq I, ''that watch cost
sixteen dollars! Yes, Sir, every dollar
OF 1t! You can't cum it over me, my
boy! Not at all, Sir" l know'd what
tho clerk wanted. He wanted that watch
himself.
From Detroit go West'ard hoe. On
tie cars was he-lookin female, with a
grecn cotton umbreller in one hand and
handful of Reform tracks the other.
She sed every woman should haze u
Spear. Them rs didn't demand their
Spears didn't know what was good for
them. "What is my Spear" she axed,
addressing the people in tho cars. lis
it to stay ut homo & darn stockins s. lie
the ser-lave of donineerin man? Or is
it my Spear to vote & speak G, show my
self tho elal of man? Is there sister in
these keers that ha, her proper Spear."
Sayin which the eccentric female whirl-
ed her umbreller round several times, &
finally jabbcd mo in the woskit with it.
II hav no objecshuns to your goin
into the Spear bizness," seq I, "but you'll
please remember amt pickeril. Don't
Spear mo agin, if you please" She sot
down.
At Ann Arbor, bein seized with sud-
den faintness, called for drop of
suthin to drink. AS was stirrin the
beverage mp. pale faced man in gold
spectacles laid his hand upon my shout
der, & sed. "Look not upon the wine
when it is red!''
See l, this amt wine. This is Old Rye. {"
1T stin0eth like a Adder and bitcth
liec Serpent" sed tho man.
II guess not" sed I, when you put
sugar into it. That's the way I alters
take minc."
Have you sons grown up. sir?" the
man axed.
"Wall," replide, as put myself out
side my beverage, my son Artemus
Junior is goin ON 49,"
''Ain't you afraid if you set this exam
pie b4 him he'll cum to a bad end?"
Hes cum to a waxed end already.
He's learnin the shoe maxim bixness,"
replide.
"This is cold world" sed the man.
''That's 80. But you'll get into a
warmer one by and by if you don't mind
your own bizness better" Twas little
riled ut the Teller. because never take
anythin only when I'm onwell. AFTER
wards learned he was IL temperance lect-
urer, and if no can injuce men to stop
settin their inarls on fire with the fright
full Ticker which is retailed round the
country shall heartily rejoice. Better
give men Prusick Assid to onct, than to
pizen EN- to deth by degrees.
At Albion l met with overwhelmin
success. The celebrated Albion Female
Selnenary is located here. Il there air
over 800 young ladies in the Institu-
shin, pretty enough to eat without sea-
sonin or sass. The young ladies was
very kind to me, voluateerin to pin my
handbills onto the backs Of their dresses
1t was sublime site to see over 500
young ladies goin round with II adver-
tisement of \. Wards unparalleled show,
c6nspiclsusly posted onto their dressed.
Virtoo is its own reward.
A. WARD.
TIE CCTOROC.: