The Portland daily press., 1891-07-13
MR.. AND MRS. Howsrs.
Some Domestic Incidents That
Make the Family Wheel go Round.
New York World

lus
ia IKE to get my hands on the chap
wn1 nlaoe TINS shirt for about minuteP'
sActalueSu MI Bowser the other morning
table. A'oNu 'ne oreaAias'
seE;
| !. Anything wrongl Would 1 complain
| Inere wasn't something wrong2 Does
hny husband ever complain until the last
| etraw breaks the camel's back2 It's all
lunches and punches and bundlesF
"But It was only yesterday you were
saying what an elegant MT TINS last lot
| were"
"Never said anything of the sortl Fact
Ia 7 never had shirt that fitted me with
| In forty rods, and never expect to have,
| and it's the same with collars"
"There is surely something wrong this
| morning" she said, as she made a closer in
| spection. LET me get you another collar"
ut would only be the same. suppose
it's my fate to go through life with a shirt
all hunched up between my shoulders and
acollar saving my ears off. suppose there
are wives who pay some little attention to
their husbands comforts, butt
Mr.. Bowser, you ordered those shirts
yourselfl' she interrupted.
Certainly"
'You were satisfied with themr"
"Yes.n
"They set perfectly lovelyp'
"Welly
"Then what have to do with it?r
Mrs. Bowser," he calmly observed, as
he rose and assumed his favorite pose,
there are such things as buttonholes In
shirts There are bands and yokes and
seams. A shirt may go into the bureau
folded In an intelligent manner, or it may
be rufhed and crumpled and spoiled. A
wifely wife looks out for these things. A
wife who doesn't care two cents for her
husbands comfort doesn't concern herself
about such trifies. Good morning, Mrs.
Bowserl'
He hadn't been gone half an hour when
Mrs. Bowser was looking high and low for
his nightshirt. 1t couldn't be found. It
had disappeared off the face of the earth
leaving not even button behind. When
he came up to lunch she said:
Mr.. Bowser, I can't find your night
shirt"
81 presume notp' he calmly replied,
some houses have a head and a system.
and the nightshirt don't get mixed up with
the potatoes down cellarr'
II don't believe you took it off this morn
lt,A
that's the reason you had such trouble.n
"Mrs. Bowser, if you wish to infer that
Pm an idiot just speak right out in plain
languagep roared Mr.. Bowser across the
table
But you might do such thing"
$50 the Hudson river might run into
Lake Eriei It's far more likely that you
carried that shirt up in the garnet or down
cellar. shouldn'tbe surprised to find the
girl using it for dustrag in the kitchenp
Mr.. Bowser, you've got that shirt onl I
know It'll I'll dare you to remove your col
lar!" she exclaimed.
II have said that this house had no sys-
tenn" he slowly replied as he rose from the
table. ITO prove that am right will
take off my collar and inhibition the band
of my shirt. Now, then, are you satisfied
that it is owing to your want of atten-
tion"-
you've got it onr' she interrupted as
she pulled at the band of his nightshirt.
at can't bel'
''But here it isl You forgot to take it
off"
Mr.. Bowser turned pale and walked off
upstairs. Ten minutes later he came down
and said:
"Mrs. Bowser, don't ever play another
such trick on mel"
"Why, what had l to do with it?" she
asked.
Never you mind about that, but don't
attempt anything more of the kindl /
have already stood far more than most hus-
bands would"
The other awfully hot day he came limp
ing home and fell into the chair and
groaned:
"I'll be hanged i'll l don't hire blind
woman to come here and look after my
thingsl My feet are all cut to pieces by |
these internal old socksl'
"Old socksl Why, bought 'em new for |
you only three days agol'
"Holes in both of 'em, but might have |
expected that. Look therer'
He pulled off his shoes and displayed a 1
pair of all wool socks with hole in the |
heel of EACH
"What on earth are you doing with those
socks on" she exclaimed. 81 told you last |
plight where to find six new pairs of sum-
Yner socks"
''They weren't there"
but they were, and you went into the |
clothes press and dug these out of the bot |
tom of the trunkp'
Mrs. Bowser, you said I'd find socks in |
the bottom drawer of the bureau"
eyes"
"Well, there isn't sock there. There
isn't the slightest reason to believe you |
ever put a sock there. Pll bet million |
dollars to cent there are no socks therer' |
Come up stairsl"
He followed her up, and she went to the |
bureau, pulled out the drawer and pointed |
to the six pairs of socks resting there.
"Yes, seer" he observed, as he backed |
off. "But where were they last night /
when wanted them?"
Fright therel''
"Uml Mrs. Bowser, I don't want to
criticise your way of keeping house. No hus-
band ever finds fault with his wife when it |
is possible to avoid it, and he is always |
willing to suffer and endure; but, Mrs |
Bowser, feel it my duty to sit down and |
have long talk with you, and to speak to |
you very plainly. We must have a system |
here, or it will be better for you to go back |
to your mother. You can get four trains |
out of here day for Detroit, Mrs. Bowser |
-four trains a day-and your mother |
would meet you at the depot there. Socksl |
Yesl see them now, but where were they |
last night. Mrs. Bowser?"