davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
A Dream OF General Sherman.

II had a very singular dream last
night" said Blinkins to the Listener,
as he met him this morning. II
dreamed that | was dead and gone to
heaven. There was lot of angels
there, all ready with their harps and
apparently waiting for somebody with
great deal OF interest. Evidently it
wasn't | that they were waiting for,
for they didn't pay any attention to me;
in fact, nobody seemed to notice me at
all. Well, l stood around close to the
door and waited for developments.
Once in while the angels would tune
their harps a little. and | fancied
caught a mere shred of a familiar
tune-I couldn't tell what it was. By
and by there was a little noise of voices
at the door and | saw that some one
was coming in. There was q great
commotion and getting ready of harps
among the angels, and just as a tall,
erect old man with short closely
clipped beard, firmly set mouth and
a military bearing walked in they all
burst out at once with the tune of
Marching Through Georgia 1t was
Splenuldly prayed OUT just aG InlS mo-
ment the old soldier who had come up
right close by me, scowled perceptibly.
and | heard him mutter:
"'Just my confounded luck! I've
| listened to that darned tune the better
part of my life and now | suppose I've
got to hear it for ali eternity''
Somebody tapped him on the Shout
der. could tell by the book that it
was the recording Angel.
81 heard that remark of yours just
now, General. said he, but | think
you had provocation. shan't put it
down
81 was Jostled by the crowd and the
other newcomer disappeared from
view; the music rose up higher and
higher and I woke up in a sort of q
cold sweat. "'-Boston Transcript.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Dialect Stories.

In my opinion, writes a good critic,
dialect stories are much overdone. Of
late many dialect stories have appeared
and more or less surfeited the public.
Sometimes they are very readable,
especially when they are true to ma
ture. never try to get away from
the real talk of the colored man when
writing a story where he has to be
quoted. The original Virginia darkey
is good model to follow. He is, as a
rule, if he is old, full of pleasing rem
iniscences, and is always contrasting
the present with the past, much to the
disparagemento Of the former. [ think
it will not be long before the old type
of Virginia darkey will disappear. A
younger generation is coming on and
they have nothing to make them es-
pecially original. 1t Is melodious to
the ear to hear an old darkey talk. He
drops all his g's and deals chiefly with
vowels. He never utters a cultural
word. His sentences flow like aepho-
netic vocabulary sliding down river
of vowels
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Should he Thankful.

Two negroes engaged in a quarrel,
when one struck the other on the head
with wagon spoke. The negro that
had received the blow rubbed his head
for a moment and then said:
look yere. Stephen, dar's one
thing dat is er powerful blessin' fur
YOU"
''Whut's dat?"
"De fact dat my head is ez thick ez
it is. WY, eff my head WANT no
thicker den de common run O. heads.
dat lick would er killed me an den you
would er been tuck befo' er jestice O.
de peace an fined mighty nigh twenty
dollars. YOU'D hitter thank the Lawd
dat l amt got ono Of deze yere aigshell
heads. "-Arkansaw Traveller.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Extravagant Economy.

The captain of a fine clipper ship.
rather than pay the price of having a
tug tow her into port, attempted to
sail her in during a furious gale. The
result of this economy was the loss OF
an $4,000 craft, a 100000 cargo.
and the lives of the captain and seven
more than Offsets the saving of the
price of tug. Another sad feature
arising from this economical spirit OF
the thrifty captain was the death OF
the captain of the ii:e0oat which went
to the clippers assistance when she
was driven CT ne rocks. Altogether
it was travagart economy.-New
York Eveolng World.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
BurdetteisIlls.

For man to be a humorist, the
whole tendency of his mind must be
rather serious.
Some mon are humOriStS and never
find it out, just as many persons talk
prose all their lives and never know it
till just before they die.
There was never a ripple of laugh
ter which burst from your lips that
was not echoed by a groan before the
sun went down.
You can't be humorist if you be-
lieve in the good old times-if you
think the billiards. were ever colder in
the east or the climate of California
warmer in 40 than to-day. You must
believe the world is growing better.
We treat our enemy better than our
ancestors used to treat him-we rob
him but we don't disfigure the corpse.
We must feel that the world is better
now than it was when we came into it
and that it will be better still after a
while-when we go out of it.
Abraham Lincoln was one of the
most serious and saddest men who
have lived, but none the less do we
love him for the little ripple of laugh
ter that ran through his life like a
thread of gold.
There isn't anything new; we humor-
lists carry the same old stock which
has always been found salable and al
ways will be.
Did you ever see a new play on the
stage? Oh, not during the last thou
sand years or so you haven't.
Nobody invents any new rhymes now
except Mr.. Tennyson, and Mr.. Ten
nyson doesn't write poetry any more.
Why can't there be any new jokes?
Because you can't recognize them.
Jokes are not made-they are simply
observed.
When man makes a joke you can
test it by netting it. A kitchen stove
is about as light.
could teach you to make puns in
every sentence, but after having done
it, should want to take you out be-
hind the church and shoot you.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
James Gordon Bennett and the ImPs.

This is one of James Gordon Ben
nett's prime stock stories, as he re-
lates it: When Irving was playing in
Faust" in this country, he made it
very realistic by ernn Dying large
number of supernur who alter
nately appeared as ang@is and then as
imps of darkness. One of the grand
scenes is where the irrps of darkness
descend. At signal from Mephisto
the imps begin to scamper and get
down below through a trap door.
Many had gone down below when a
big, fat, 81 cent-a-night imp started
down. He was too large for the trap
door and got stuck. In vain he tried
to push himself down. An 1rishman
in the gallery leaned forward and said:
Thank God; hell's full"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
FORTY ROUNDS.
The Fifteenth Corps Badge Invented By
an Irishman.

Anecdotes of the late hero of the
march to the sea are as plentiful as the
leaves in the Etrurian shades of VAL
lombrosa. Perhaps I may be excused,
therefore, if l relate an incident per-
tanning to my first and only meeting
with General Sherman. Not many
months ago I was introduced to the
WORKOUT veteran at the house of a
famous editor. Our host who had
been drummer boy during the war.
said:
General, my father has tod me the
legend regarding the adoption of the
badge worn by your old corps, the Fiji
teenth. wish you would give me the
facts in the case, as | have always re-
garded my fathers story a romantic
yarn"
The general gazed at our host stern
ly. MY boy, your father never told
romantic yarns He was great
soldier and an able colonel. Such
men as b never indulge in anything
but truth. This is what he told you,
was it not?
The Fifteenth Army Corps had
been ordered from Memphis to Knox
vile to relieve Burnside, who was
being beseiged by Longstreet. 1t was
a forced march. The order Forty
rounds was issued every morning. The
Fifteenth was a fighting corps and had
seen deal Of service.
when we reached Knoxville we
found that Longstreet had retreated.
and we were at once ordered back to
Chattanooga. The corps had no
chance to rest, and by the time my
men reached Chattanooga they were
worn out. A number of regiments
from the army of the Potomac were
drawn up in line as we filed past.
The corps badge was an eastern in
vention, and my veterans of the Fiji
teenth knew nothing of its significance.
What corps do you belong top
cried Potomac man, as an Irish regi-
ment from Illinois marched past.
What is your badge?'
1" Our badge, begorra,' answered a
naturalized American. Our badge is
forty rounds
'And So" continued General Sher-
man, ''when the Fifteenth corps wanted
an emblem suggested cartridge box
with the legend: Forty Rounds IT
was adopted and is now one of the
famous badges of those historic days"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
RAILS AND WEATHER.
Tracks Grow Long Short, as It Is Hot
Cold.

Tracks Grow Long or Short, as It is Hot
or Cold.
A roadmaSter contributes to the
Railway Age some data regarding the
expansion and contraction of steel rails
under variations OF temperature, which
suggest some interesting calculations
Steel rails contract or expand one part
In each AS, 900 parts with each degree
of change in temperature.
The Pennsylvania railroad tracks
from Philadelphia to Pittsburg are $50
mile& in length. and in this distance
the expansion or contraction would
amount to about 1876 feet for each
degree of change in temperature. Be-
tween the ninety-degree weather OF
August and the zero temperature of
mid-winter the tracks shrink 1884
feet or more than one-fifth of mile.
If the tracks were continuous rails
without joints and anchored immovably
o. the Pittsburg end the Philadelphia
emu would shrink from Fifteenth street
out to Seventh street by Christmas
time and would not return until July.
Or if the ends of the rails were at
Fifteenth street in the winter they
would push through the front walls of
the station and upset the equestrian
figure of General Reynolds in front OF
the public buildings by the time of hot
weather.
Rails are laid, however, with c
sufficient distance between each length
to permit contraction and expansion
without distortion of the line or track,
and the space between each rail is
determined by the temperature at the
time the rails are laid.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
What Constitutes n Crank.

A statistical fend has made the cal
culation that there are fifty thousand
cranks in the city of New York. Now,
what is crank, anyway! The general
definition IS q person who in conduct
or opinions differs from the majority
of people are cranks, for never before
vera the opinions of mankind more di-
verse. Then if the great mass Of peo-
pie think and act independently those
who do agree must be the cranks.
The world has seen its babel of tongues.
J. is now experiencing a babel Of
ideas. -Texas Siftings.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Observation-Disclosures.

A man, whose speciality is writing
circus advertisements and who last
winter prepared 600, 900 words of ad-
vertising for Barnum's show, says:
People have become so accustomed to
the big adjectives that GO with the
circus bill that a moderate statement OF
all the wonders to be seen within the
big tent would not attract attention.
They are an important part of the show,
but it. is very exhausting work this
year finding adjectives big enough"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Tssp Creole CITY.

A visitor in New Orleans says that
the Creole City that are sure to i'm
press the stranger forcibly. They are
the cemeteries, which are verita bic
flower gardens; the language of the
French residents, which is spoken
everywhere and has the pure Partisan
accent and the fact that the negroes
OF the lower river still sing the old
tuneful songs that were heard in slav
cry days.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Unpleasant Memories.

"Queer thing, that, in California, :"
said the man with the bad cigar. You
see, a vigilance committee, discovering
they had hanged the wrong man-"
Il don't see how they could hang
the wrong man in that state" inter-
rupted the man with the brindled
beard, who cherished vivid, though
not bright, recollections of painful
experience in Los Angeles real estate
deals
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Unexpected Obstacle.

I'm pretty good at tinkering with
finances. softly chuckled the bank
robber as he deposited his booty in a
bag and turned to go. whats to
hinder me from going into politics?"
Some other fellow may have a
bigger bar'l," responded the watching
detective, coming forward and submit
ting for his close inspection the muzzle
of a 44-caliber gun.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
No Ear for Music.

Recent Investigations go to show
that the horse has no ear for music,
and only slight understanding Of
time and military signals. The popu-
lar impression that a trained horse can
waltz in time to music is unsupported
by experience, as in such cas- es the
music is always played to suit the step
of the horse, which is regulated by
signs from the trainer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01

81 had a queer caller yesterday"
said an old book man of Philadelphia;
ga man who wanted copy of Jack
Halyard, or the Sailor Boy and tho
Virtuous Family He had read it in
youth with delight, and wanted it for
his grandson. l told MIN other books
for children had since come out but
be said they were all trash"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
1t Does Not Mote.

1t is now twenty long years since
Keely first announced his motor and
predicted such great things for it.
Over 5000, 900 of cold cash have been
swallowed up in experiments, and yet
the motor does not mote any more than
1t did the first day, The theory may
be good but the practical part can't be
harnesSed.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
European Paupers.

An Italian journalist tells his coun-
trymen that they can make their for
tunes by simply going to America, work
as laborers until they have saved $500,
and then return TO Italy, buy title.
and again 60 to America and marry an
heiress. Quite number of Italians
have apparently adopted this plan but
we didn't suppose titles were so expen-
sive in Italy. Herald.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
THE JAPANESE PEOPLE.
Sir Edwin Arnold Finds Them Entire
Charming and Very LoyahIe

Sir Edwin Arnold Finds Them Entirely
Charming and Very Lovable.
As for the people, am and always
shall be, of good st. Francis Xavier's
feeling: This nation is the delight of
my SOUL" writes Sir Edward Arnold in
Scribner's. Never have l passed days
more happy, tranquil or restorative
than among japanese of all classes. in
the cities. towns and villages of Japan.
Possibly that is because have had no
business relations with my kind and
pleasant Niponese friends, and have
never talked very much metaphysics
but it seems certainly an easy way to
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Speculative HereditY.

Materfamilias -Imogen, you mustn't
marry George Rockpate! He was such
a hard-headed boy! [ couldn't bear to
have my grand children like him.
Imogen-Yes mamma, / know all
the Rockpates are awfully hard-headed;
but you must remember there is soften
ing of the brain in our family.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
A Slight Error.

In building water works for western
town it was figured that a certain
spring would supply $50 gallons o.
water per day per capita for 100, 00C
people. When $40, 900 had been ex.
pended it was discovered that an error
had been made in figuring, and that
the supply would only be two gallons
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
How to Make Money!.

In anti-bellum times men advertised,
but they did not do so on the same
liberal terms that they do now. The
largest order for a single advertise
ment in one paper, before the war, was
given by the Fairbanks Scale company to
to $1,000.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
A Sort of Partnership.

When you hear man claim that he
is but humble instrument in the hands
of the Lord, you may feel sure that he
is not trying to emphasize his own hui
mility so much as he is the fact that
the Lord has seen fit to use him.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Got a Claim.

Henry Sinner lays claim to ten acres
in the heart of Cincinnati, valued at
millions, but as there is nothing mean
about him he will quit-claim for SIS in
cash and barrel of whisky. He says
he met an old chap on the highway enc
day fifty years ago who gave him the
land for a chew of tobacco.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
No LONGER a Craze.

Autograph hunting is thing of the
past. Like all manias it had its run,
and it has now been dropped for anoth-
er fad. Public men are asked to give
their ideas on marriage, religion,
politics and other subjects.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Much Given to Reflection.

miss Rosie is very pretty"
eyes, and she knows it and Is very
vain over it.
"You don't say?"
Fact. Why, that girl has worn
out four looking-glas5es looking at
herself. Cape Cod Item.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
MAIDENS IN RUSSIA
A Forfeiture Of the Girl Subjec of the
Mighty Gar.

The daughter is a great pet in Rus
sian families. perhaps because there
are generally more sons than daughters,
says Nine, Romanoff. Take the young
er members of the imperial family as
an example, and we find twenty two
grand dukes and only seven grand
duchesses; and this may be stated to be
about the average proportion in most
families. The necessity for men in the
rural districts as assistants in the agri-
cultural labors of their fathers has
given rise to a saying: Zone son is no
son: two sons are half q son; but three
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Bottled Voices.

Two Australian theatrical managers
have bottled up in monographs for
transportation to the antipodes tho
voices of several American actors,
singers and statesmen.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
A CRAFTY VILLAIN.
Sample Trick of a Mohamm edan Sharper
or Fakir.

In the East the confidence trick pre-
sents its most picturesque aspect.
Among Orientals man cheats man in
retaliation for previous treachery, and
the priestly castles and their satellite
brotherhoods of fakirs and astrologers,
necromancers and prophets and won
der workers in a hundred different
lines of business prey upon the cred
ulity of all alike. The other afternoon
Miss Laure Shirmer told of a successful
trick that was played in Constantinople
not long before her departure from
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01

aLExANpEn thvGAu, q. West b.
ity, Mich, attempted to roast his viii
N cookstove while insane from jealousy
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01

Where there is plenty of pasturage
turkeys can be raised with profit.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-10-01
Nowadays.

Master De WILDE Riche-Nursei
who was Eat lady wiz de dog Eat tissed
me dust now?
Nurse-Why. dear, that was your
mamma!
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1891-11-14
SO4ASE

HEME. HESSF. MODESTO. entire Clement
~ fieres et Ia Banque. Went de recevoir
uHe assortment complet 0e rarchandises de
saison qr'elle a choisi elle-mtme. . la Neu-
velle Orleans. Chdpeaux de iorlnes uouyelles,
On paiile. velour et fentre. pour danes.
GataaianNes a. e~nfa~ts plumes, soieries de
toutes couicurS, ct garnitures.
ye4Ertrcs. r~tsaanr, tsSus pour vniles. aussi
Dress Ga7fs e 'eutes qualities, etotfes noires
de tnus prix ,aussI blanchcs. crtmes etcouleurs
tendrts. fannelies. moletuns. satines, indgrn-
hes. etc. etc.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1891-11-14
Et TON PPTHfTPE.


m i'-l'I- f-'sL"ih. i' -4@ie
a7i1 iii H lle4, lection
-- t'l- HI s-.5-A 8tH
.as ssAter
f .~-1-'s1alle de Hi -s1 -A-2dfche
atea a-At 4al IS
.+'.i'a " batoh f'.a7e + r. 1-eem-
.AAee-
a' aaT1'F d9 oat Da1 demo
-l1'Te Ell assu--n 81 q
p,uf ies deie4ues
FL -A -r9a- 4 Batan Rouge
s@t1-r .ea.s sentiments ct
o5as Ia nomination dun
79uvagaeur e g tots
taur les divers offices
'ei h,"- Personne ne DO roster en-
e a''stenir &c vo.er en- cette
OCCASION que cha4ue ee-oeIate vote,
4ae u Fral sens &c Ia democratic
ts1ete dams Ia 'olonte de
que ION cholsisse DIES
'Tl1s d~eAoefate' CT ben connus ponr
hofs r~epreseA}er. ann que, alTienne
ia poNrFa dams IA convention DE
-y--- -r da La1ousche sc conserve
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1891-11-14

Nous croyons qu'un eloignemens
oppose aux principles etablis par
nos illustres fondateurs serait une
erreur don't les consequences cause
raient des desastres incal.uTal.as al
bien etre du peuple.
Nous crovans que dams Ia nominal
ton ct l'6lection de FHon. s. D.
NcErc-I ~ FL ra~ Daacaita, Ie
peuple aura un ser1., fdsle ct
tprouvt. q di.De $40 ia ~c9alance
publique, ct nous pr.5us Instrument
nos freres d~fmecrataues dams tout
IEtat dc Ia Louisiana he sgr-.uiser.
e dc 10 seryir IL tous .es ns
loDorablos pour On oh. air ii -1ni-
nation et son election.
Par ord-e H. COM z
4. v. CRASDALL. Jogv Fl.
President.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1891-11-14
NOTICE..

"A +tTTTD0DATN BANK" vnrs donnpra
- cfhait m pair sur tons mandsts parablrs
dams que!qne endroit que C. soit de- Flats
Cnis Fl votre comrte est touiprrs il la
disposition de vos mandats. On ne charge
fian ionr d6 ats d'arGent, = de plas cn vous
fo1rtit DIES IHanaats on hlanr, avcc ~lesquels
N"4z aWIgez tireF Re tout. on une partie de
E.lfe argent, scum votte hon plaisjr.
ID. Hatese est lei pour vous servir. ct ellie
coran'e srr vaus. fue!qne petites on grandes
que scent ros attaIres.
Euita p3trona &c. je suis,
Tres respecturusemenr.
G.. 7. SHAVER. Gg;-Sier.