davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-03-05
PuMeENT PARAeRAPHs

PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS
--You must hustle to win. In the jack
pot of life the man VINO is shy is not in
it-Indianapolis Journal.
-Jinks-''What a black eye you havel
Been boxing?" Binks (dolefullyl-"No;
getting dw--Boston Traveller.
Woman may indeed have sphere
that is boundless, but she has to stop
when she comes to barbed wire fence.
Rams Horn.
Used To It: ''How delicately he
asked you for loan. /" Eyes; he is lit
erary man, you know. ."-Yankee Blade.
Heard at Matinee: Mamma-"Say
what you like, there's good deal in her
face" Fair Daughter plenty on
it. Pick Me Up.
-"Mother-Bobby, what made you
eat all that angel cake?9 Bobby
cause you told me to be better boy"
Birmingham Republican.
"A San Francisco lawyer has been
hypnotized so that he can not drink
whisky. There is a great field for
hypnotists who are willing to work in
| this way.-Inter Ocean.
The man who never made mistake
| is son of the woman who never gos-
| siped and of the man who never had
''the best cure for rheumatism you ever
saw. Boston Traveller.
The process of evolution from bon-
/ net to statesman is simple and sure
| the bonnets become the women and the
women are the leading men. .-Elmira
| Gazette.
you have many degrees, Mr..
| SIMPSON," "Yes. / am now John
Simpson. B. A., B. S., B. l., IL B. /"
"And what are you going to be now that
/ you have been graduated-a letter car
! rier?"-H Harper's Bazaar
why do you always say much
obliged when Herr Won FiIzeck goes
away without giving you tip?" Wait
ress-"I don't want the other gentlemen
to learn the bad habit t"-Neueste Mach
richten.
Legal Memories. - Judge--"Wcll,
witness, why do you hesitate?" Wit
ness-'P axe, yure Honor, 0i was thry-.
ing to remember that Oh didn't remem-
ber any thing about this business. -
Puck.
-Ethol-'I don't care for the adagos
that so many people affect to admire.
Maud-'aI~ can quite understand that
Every thing that tendI to adages can
not help being dissagreeable to people
of your age. IN. Y. Herald.
She. Got A Servant. Husband
married one year. = why, Eta,
what has become of your wedding-ring?'
Wife-sI wore it out I" Husband How
could you wear it out?" Doing
the house work Epoch
His Failing. Why don't you join
our athletic club. The initiation fee ia
only hundred and the monthly dues
only ten dollars" II am afraid that
could never be an athlete" why not
-shortness of breath?'' ''Ah, no; merely
shortness of funds. - Texas Siftings
Just Like Him - He certainly
wasn't handsome, but he had loving
heart He bought his adored one a
birthday present of a pug that broke
down all the usual standards of ugliness
and set up one of its own. The gift
went right to the affections Of the gush-
ing maiden. so, thank you. James
thank you, she warbled, Its ilst 1iko
you, SO it Philadelphia Times
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-03-05

fortunate state of affairs that was un-
happily prevalent in other countries
could hardly be said to affect our own
land. Then there was a good many
light touches of humor in the discourse
that is so pleasing when they come
from people in high places In fact,
the chairman said at the club after
wards (confidentially of course) that
the man who wrote his Highness
speeches had in that case quite outdone
himself.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-03-05

An amusing story is told by an
American traveller as occurring during
q storm on the Swiss Alps. The trav-
eler was crowded into one of the small
shelter houses with several Germans,
an Englishman, his wife and two daugh-
ters. The American and the Germans
dropped into conversation, but the En-
glish party were perfectly quiet, neither
joining in the conversation nor mani
Testing any emotion. When the storm
ceased, the Germans departed, includ-
ing the Englishman in their general
goodbye" Tie Englishman, taken by
surprise, responded, and then, turning
with horror-strlcken expression to his
wife, said: 81 spoke to those fellowsr'
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-03-05
An unfnilinr SIGN.

Gus De Smith-The palm of my hand
itches. I wonder what that means.
Gilhooly-That's sure sign th at you
will get money from somebody to-day.
Gus De Smith-I';n glad to hear that.
Lend me five dollars. s.-Texas Siftings.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-03-05
SHE PREFERRED 70 TALK.
A Theatrical incident which was Not on
the Bills.

Theatrical Incident Which was Not on
the Bills.
Just imagine yourself settled in tho
theatgr, ready for full and apprecia-
tive enjoyment Of the play, the great
charm of which lies in the fact that you
have never seen it. The curtain risea
on beautiful opening scene. when
voice on the back of your neck-a fe-
male voice-says in loud, harsh whis
per:
1--WE seen it before! / knew had.
That man is own father to that girl, but
he doesn't know it There's dance in
this scene, too-it's jig"
The people on the stage are talking,
but divided attention prevented you
from hearing something which is loudly
applauded.
''She wears yellow satin dress in the
second act the voice at your back con-
tinues, ''he turns out to be the villain Of
the play. There's real moon some
where. That old woman steals the girl.
Fee seen it before.
The girl is singing a love song. It.
very sweet, and the orchestra gives a
mere ghost of accompaniment You
strain your ears to catch the words and
music of the song and hear this;
Nothing but paste. And that lace Is
cheap imitation. Here, take my glass
There's Jack Dawson looking at us
What's he scowling atP o, I've heard
the song before. You're not missing any
thing"
This is evidently said in answer TO
remonstrance on the part Of the escort
who probably has some sense Of what is
due to other people.
After few moments of restful silence
there is-another cold wave Of talk.
''That's her photograph--no don't
want one. 1t isn't bit like her--makes
her look about sixteen. She tsN't any
any chicken. That's powder and paint
her stage makeup Wait till you sea
the third act Her father rushes in and
there's a. o, lskat draugbt! No.
I'm not losing any thing. I'd gather talk
I've seen it before. Detroit Free Press
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-03-05

Next to 1--we had such a scare
last night" che said, as she got seated.
s'Fire?" NO" "Accident?" mo"
.'Burglars9n Not quite, but the very
next thing to it. A policeman tried
our back door, and We all got up anil sat
IN Tor two hours - Detroit Free Pseas.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-03-05
YIlllng to Commute q.

"We'l1 give you iusttwenty-four hours
to leave town, said the chairman Of the
vigilance committee.
"Do you believe that time is money
asked the undesired visitor.
''Yes, certainly"
'sThen how much cash vii. you give
me to leave at enes2" MuRssys
Weekly
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
THE GREAT EXPOSITION.

We went out to inspect the buildings
and prospects of the Southern Exp0si
ton last week. Mr.. Patrick informs
us that the buildings will be ready for
the opening on Thursday the 1st. The
buildings have been completely trans
formed. The main building is more
than a quarter of a mile long and very
wide. Beyond a doubt this will be the
most interesting exposition ever held
in the South. Every State will have
an exhibit. Florida and some other
States will have very complete cx-
hibits. North Carolina will cover her
self with glory. There will be numcr-
GUS attractions, such as balloon ascen-
sions, every day numerous shows and
free exhibitions. There will be circuses
and other things in Raleigh during the
two months. Fifty thousand feet Of
space will be devoted to agricultural
machinery. The live stock exhibit
will be of the finest ever seen.
Everything points ~tosuccess. Among
the many attractions will be speeches
by prominent men of this country
nearly every day. Everybody VIII be
delighted with the trip, and no doubt
hpOnftnd
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29

We are often disposed to laugh at
the silly efforts Of certain newspapers
in this and other States to weaken the
confidence of the members of the ALI
ance in their officers. Still it is a seri-
GUS matter in several respects. It has
not and never will injure any of our
upright officers, in fact it is a decided
advantage to them and our Order,
But it pains us to know that such dis
reputable means are used when better
methods should reasonably be expected.
Take our own State for instance. where
the attacks upon officers have been
unusually severe and the methods con-
temptible. A majority of the white
farmers of this State are Democrats.
If we had believed that the Democratic
party-a majority of the voters-were
as low down as some of the bosses, we
could not restrain ourselves but would
advise every honest man to sever his
allegiance, but we have nothing to do
with how anybody votes, and not
knowing the party to be as bad as some
of the leaders, we forbear. The same
can be said of Republican leaders and
papers in some other States, but is not
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29

the case in North Carolina presumah1,-
because the party is weak and practi.
cally has nothing to lose here? Hence
the Republican press and leaders in
this State have not howled so persis.
tently.
But how about the abuse of officers
of the Alliance? If anything should
be discovered showing that these Off.
GERS had betrayed their trust or acted
dishonesty, we would thank those
making the discovery, even though
they be the contemplate ~slanderers
now at work to bring to light the
crOolIedness.
But there is a difference between the
Alliance and the parties. Political
parties are what the bosses make
them. The Alliance officers are the
handiwork of the members. No man
is allowed to wirewOrk for an office.
The members choose whom they please
to fill the various offices and then they
make their platform and tell the officers
what they expect them to do. If they
cannot do it they are invited down and
cut. Hence the attack upOn upy lead
ing officer IN good standing ond arho is
performing has duties os directed By
the Order is an attack upon the ALL
ance and should be resented by every
true AIIjdncemGn.
We serve notice here and now that
until u Order investigates the records
Of any officer and finds him guilty, that
an attack uponany ~officeris and should
be considered an attack upon every
man and woman belonging to the Ali
ance. The line must be drawn and
every member of the Alliance who
means to defend his cause and his
character should resent these direct
and indirect attacks or else acknOwl-
edge before the world that he or she
has NJ self respect, cares nothing for
the welfare of the organization and
that he or she is willing to be slandered
day in and day out. This is only the
beginning Of the beginnir g.. We are
determined to have a discussion OF
measures and not men, and unless we
are deceived in the character Of the
men and women composing the Ali
ance, this change will be brought about
before the year 1900.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
SWEA BLOOD.

We hear a good deal about people
sweating blood nowadays. The only
people we have seen doing this are the
political leaders of the two parties in
this country. They are sweating first
because they fear that they will lose
their places; second, because they fear
that honest men will get hold Of the
reins Of government; third, because
their willy political schemes are being
laid bare, The tricks by which they
have kept the people of this country
divided for 25 years are no longer
available. Revolution is in the hearts
of the great common people. Tha. IS
why the bosses are sweating blood.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
THE CLUB.

The Topeka Capital and the Ne1c8
and Observer are engaged in a dead,
square contest to get the prize offered
by their club. We are inclined to
think that the NeWS dnd Observer is
rather "getting it onto" it's rival
and will be declared the winner. Here
are a few specimens showing it's prog
ress in this line:
It says that President Polk associates
with men "who favor negro equality,
and hare so declared an has presence
aUhiZe he remained as dumb as on
OYSTER" Until that paper shall bring
the proof, THE PROGRESSIVE FARMER
prOnOunces the above a deliberate and
malicious falsehOod.
That paper says that President Polk,
in his paperand in hisspeeches teaches
the young men of the South that devo-
ton to reverence for the memory of
our ancestors is all wrong-&c., all Of
which all our readers, and all who ever
heard President Polk speak, know to
be maliciously false.
That paper says that the Ocala plat
form was voted down in the Georgia
Legislature by a vote of 81 to So. Why
didn't it tell the truth about it and tell
its readers that this was a vote on re-
ferring the resolution to a special COM
mittee? It's friends fought the motion
to refer with the above result, but i'm
mediately a motion was made and car
ried i~nstructing the committee to make
a report the following day.
We r always glad to see North
Carolina ahead. Our contemporary
has taken a d~eservedly high position
in the club, and the Capital will have
: to look to it's laurels.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
A SPECTACLE.

The fight now going on between the
Lottery and anti Lottery factions in
Louisiana is a spectacle that ought to
cause civilization to blush. This
great hydraheaded monster was char
tered by the State Constitution many
years ago. The success has been such
that when the charter expired some
months ago a desperate attempt was
made to renew it. AS a result there
are now two factions in Louisiana poll
tics. In the first place to Iegalize such
a concern was a bad day for the State,
but after it has been tried and that a
large number of people want it con-
tinued is where the blush comes in.
However, it is refreshing to note that
the farmers Of the State are on the
anti-lottery side of the fight. The ALI
ance prevented the charter being re
neWGd.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29

referred to and which are paraded in
Southern papers in large loaded head
lines, charge that I made the most alb
iect apologies, in my Kansas speeches,
for having gone into the Confederate
service, etc. This is o base and absO-
lutte falsehOod from beginning to end,
as every man and woman in Kansas,
who ever heard me speak, will testify.
I could offer even good Democrats as
witnesses, but with certain of our So
called Democratic friends they would
not be accepted, as they prefer Repub-
lican testimony. 1t twas further charged
that I approved, in my speeches, the
strike among the cotton pickers of the
South, when the truth is, l knew
nothing of any alleged or real strike
until I returned to my office and saw
it in the papers.
I have never uttered a sentiment
derogatoTy to the South or the South
ern people. I have uttered a
sentiment in any speech in any North
ern State that I would not readily and
willingly repeat in any Southern State.
I talk and act in Kansas or New York
as [ do in North Carolina or Georgia.
The Alliance is the only organization
in existence that is honestly striving to
unite the people of the two sections in
a spirit Of fraternity and good feeling,
81 4I,o.l- T1I +IO IC1 L1-. l,,0 I,I,Tr
it's members of the North and of the
South can visit and freely advocate its
principles without fear or mOIeStation.
But the people have come to under
stand that this bitter, relentless and
malignant war of SANDER and persecu-
ton is not made on me as the citizen
but as the President of an Organiza-
ton which they fear and despise, and
which by these disreputable methods
they hope to destroy. [ will not be
swerved from what | cOnscientiOusly
conceive to be my duty to my people
and the great cause they advocate. [
intend to follow where duty leads, re-
gardless of attachments or antipathies,
OF of consequences to myself, personal
or otherwise. [ intend to stand strict
ly and fearlessIy by the principles
enunciated by the great Order l rep
resent, regardless of the filthy assaults
of political scavenger5 and hirelings.
Let our brethren be calm, ~cOnserva-
tive and considerate. Let them be
firm and steadfast. Let the greatest
good to the greatest number be their
highest aim. Let every n keep his
eye steadily on u glorious MOTTO
Equal rights to all and special privi-
leges to none, and all will be well.
Our Order is in finer spirit and is
more united and more Jealous and
more determined than ever before.
l.. L. POLK.
Washington, D. c., Sept, 20, 1891.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
NOTES.

Hall evidently swallowed the
anti-Sub Treasury delegates after the
fashion that the mother snake swallows
her young.
The Border Exposition of the
CaroIinas will be held at Maxton, N.
c., on Oct. 21st to 23d. We return
thanks for an invitation.
Hall and McAIister are not get
ting any advertising since the St. Louis
meeting. The thing must have passed
into the hands of a receiver.
~ When you SOW politics be sure
and select good, sound seed. If your
seed are not good, your politicians will
be very small and likely to rot.
ut is about time to call a halt"
says a ]plutocratic exchange. That has
been done, brother. We have called
the politicians down from the roof.
About the maddest man in the
United States to day is Editor Scott, of
the Lenoir Topic. He has been given
plenty of rope and has shown himself
as he is.
Brother John Smith, Of Cumber-
land county, writes that there is a
growing disposition in his section to
reduce the cotton acreage and raise
more politics. Good.
What about the great @ anti
Sub Treasury meeting at St. Louis? 1t
has been held and still the papers that
were blowing abont it before it came
off are now strangely quiet.
Last Thursday was another dark
day in the history of railroading. Two
trains collided at New Castle, Pa, nine
men, mostly Italians, were killed and
more than twenty wounded.
President Polk has accepted an
invitation to address the people at
Elizabeth City on the 10Th of October,
on the occasion Of the Fair. He hopes
to be at Salisbury at the Alliance Fair.
The anti-Sub-T reasuryites who
were to rescue the Alliance from the
hands of the "demagogues must have
run on a shoaI and upset their life saw
ing boat. Anyway it has not returned
yet.
A subscriber at Elizabeth City
sent us a dollar to renew his paper last
week, but failed to sign his name to
his letter. Ifhe sees this and will send
his name the money will be placed to
lis croGit.
X. A~lliancemen, keep cool. Becalm.
Keep your nerve. But stand TO your
guns like men. Be as firm to your
principles as the Rock Of Gibraltar,
This campaign of lying, vituperatior
and base SANDER, is only carrying ou5
the hot, that was deliberately planned
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
n. R.. p. A.
THAT CIRCULAR.
THE NEWS AND OBSERVER,

The OH R~eIiuble-4uroys True and Faithful
Advocates the Sub-Treasury bill. Advocates
unlimited cottage of silver and the issue of
$500,OG0,GU0 more paper money.
Advocates distributing SlC0,OC0,G0 o. the
money now in the Treasury 10, the States on
the basis of their agricultural products to
relieve agricultural depression.
Advocates repeating the national bank Law,
and allowing State banks to issue notes.
Advocates the repeal of the internal revenue
system and a tariff for revenue only.
FavOrs the Farmers Alliances; seeks to pro-
mote its objects, and advocates the protection
of the fTeemen OF North Carolina against tmpO-
SitiOn from any quarter.
Advocates that the white men of North Caro-
lima shall all stand together and work for the
prosperity of all classes and conditions of men.
We print a large eight-page paper. Price
Sl25. In clubs at 81. ). A. ASHE,
Ed. NeICS and Observer,
Raleigh. n. G.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
MAss-MEET1NGs IN THE WEST

Gen. j. B. Weaver, of Iowa, and
President Marion Butler have been to-
gether in the Western part of the State,
and they are a strong team. President
Polk will be with them at Newton on
the 3Oth inst, President Butler will be
at Lenoir on the 1st prox. to begin the
organization of the District Lecture
Bureau. We will give an account of
the campaign of these gentlemen next
week.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29
He Thinks Dr. Caldwell and Dr.. Scott Both
Ought to Purchase "Orfn" Asy-
lums and Con6ne Them
selves for Safe Keeping.

Hello! Mr.. Devil"
D.-"Hello! MIR. Bilkins, how's your
folks?'
B.-"Haint got any. Me an Betsy
has bin quarrelling, SO l amt got any
folks. I feel blue, too"
D.-"Why did she leave you! What
was The quarrel abOut9'
Bob! go away. I amt a goin'
to tell everything to-day. Call the
editor"
R.-"AlI right, Uncle Zeke, fire off
your information collector"
B.-"Say, [ want ter know all
erbout DR.. Caldwell and DR.. Scott.
They must be high kickers. Can l
talk ter them?"
R.-"Not now. DR.. Caldwell is busy
explaining how it is that the R. & D.
Railroad Company is about to fail. DR..
Scott is too mad. He would bite the
bell off your telephone"
B.-"How did DR.. Caldwell ercount
for the r. & D. Company bein' pressed
for money!"
Rifle says it is because the officers
of the Alliance don't pay their way
they ride on passes"
B.-"Do they ride on passes?'
R.-"No. That is a campaign lie
B.-"Say, don't yer think it would
be a good idea for the Landmarks to
quit apologizin' for the railroads and
explain Why it jumped over SO quick
on the silver question? Did he V
give any reason for the sudden changer"
R.-"No, nothing more than the fact
that the Alliance favored the scheme,
and Cleveland opposed it,"
B.-"Do you reckin DR.. Caldwell has
a Governors bee hummin' in his bon
metz
RI can't say. His long, looping
motions are very puzzling to his friends.
The Santer is responsible for it
B.-"Why can't I talk to DR.. Scott,
of Lenoir?n
R.-"Scott is too mad. During the
past week he has been kept in a tank
of ice-water to keep him from melting.
1t took four strong men to keep him
quiet"
B.-"What is the matter with him."
R.-"THE PROGRESSIVE FARMER took
his picture last week and he didn'tlike
the looks of it. He had never looked
upon a Ifelike picture of himself be
fore"
B Say, Ramsey, I have bin a
thinkin' and Betsy she hes bin a think
in and blamed if we amt Uneasy about
them fellers what are fightin' the ALI
ance. I think DR.. Caldwell and DR..
Scott ought to both buy them an orfin
asylum and keep it handy 70 they can
crawl into it when they feel bad"
R.-"You don't think there is dan
ger of their becoming deranged from
ov%erstudy, do you?'
B.-"NO, fer they don't study any;
they jump at conclusions and if they
fail to ketch them they jist go plung-
ing on anyhow"
R.-"Perhaps they should loosen
their collars, They ought to buy some
larger numbers"
B.-"I guess that is what they are
sufferin' from. That collar disease
is just simply terrible. Hope me an
Betsy won't take it. Goodbye"
PARTISAN METHODS.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29

In writing to ony6ody, always b
sure to give the name Of your postOtfice
and sign your own name plainly.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29

Do you want your communication
published If so, give us your reaI
name and your p~ostOffiCe.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-29

Do you want your paper changed to
you have been getting it,