davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
WHY She Cried. Mrs, Rlac

Why She Cried. Mrs. Black
"Why, what's the matter, TOMB Mr.
Black Met with an accident; cut my
hand, that's all" Mrs. Black-''Boo
hoo, hoo. hoo, it's terrible" Mr.
Rlack-.'No, it isn't; it's a mere trifle
Don't cry" Mrs. Black lsobbing)-
But boo, hoo) the accide mt in ,urance
isn't paid up."-Yankee Blade
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

Prof. Driasdust-Have you noticed
the absolute correctness Of Mr.. Studi
hard's speech?
Mr.. Getthere-Of course. That Is the
only thing about has conversation there
is to notice.-N Y. Weekly.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

Wool-What is the trouble between
you and Miss Fipps?
Van Petit spoke to her without an
introduction and she told me was no
gentleman. ! told her she was no
Judge.
Wool-What did she say to that?
Van Pelt-She said it did not take one
to tell.-N. Y. Herald.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Suitably Attended To.

Indignant Lawyer-If we cant get
justice in this court we shall carry the
case up Your honor may mark my
words!
The Judge have marked them. sir.
They will cost you ten dollars. -Chica-
90 Tribune.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Ideal for u Doctor.

''Ilow do you like your new place.
doctor?"
Its very nice. indeed. There's been
more sickness in Budville in the past
week than there was in Hollowtown
in q year. Epoch.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
A MISTAKE.

Rarher's Assistant Who'd you say
that gent was just went over?
Bafber-Rev. Mr.. McAuliffe. the
parson.
Assistant-Gee whiz! thought you
said McAuliffe the pugilist. just look
u. tn cut gave himl-Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
His Last Request.

I'D like to ask just one small favor. :"
said Erysipelas Jake, before I'm
swung off"
well. what Is it"" growled the lead
or OF the vigilance committee.
Il wisht you'd stand ne on whisky
bari stead Of this flour bari. I'd like
to die as Kentuckian and q gentle
man, seein' as I've got TO go. "-indian
anoliS Journal
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

The scene is the editorial Office Of the
Gulchtown IA. IT, Spread.
News Editor-A citizen who was not
prominent died to-day. Shall we print
his life?
Managing Editor-Heavens, yes! Can
we possibly have had citizen who
wasn't prominent?-Life.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
A Different Place.

Mrs. Fangle--Iohnny Cumso. aren't
you afraid your face will get tanned II
you don't wear your hat?
Johnny Nome. My face isn't where
| usually get tanned, jury
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Familv Lara.

Mr.. Luscher-lt's time to get up and
make the fire. I've been calling you
for the last half hour. don't believe
you'd awaken A. the sound Of Gabriel's
horn.
Mrs. Luscher-Well. you would then.
You'd waken at the first suggestion oil
horn Brooklyn Eagle.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

Miss Winslow II like the way you
they say: "A good son makes q good
husband"
Tom De Witt-So I've heard; but II
always seemed to me he was worthy Of
q better fate.-puck.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
A New way to I'ropos,

He-Can you keep a secret?
She-Certainly ! can.
Hc-Then I'd like to tell you that
want to get married.
She You don't say sol
le-Yes. and | don't want any body
but you to know it.-Texas SiftingS
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
No lp,ul,t Of IL.

There is one man in the world that
is invariably bound TO rise, sand Hicks
What one is that?" qneried Mawson
1.-The man who sits on . tack
HarDcr's lSazar.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
The Ones Who Got Locked Tn.

Gotham Citizen-That was horrible
murder last night. Have you locked up
the man who committed it?
policeman-No, but we've locked up
twenty people who saw tn. Y.
Weekly
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Extremely Awkward.

Widower Ito his little daughter aged
ten) Dora. do you know that Susanna.
our housekeepcr. Is going to be mar
ried?
Dora-Oh. I'm SO glad we are gong to
get rid Of the old pelicani Won't it be
jolly? But who Is going TO marry herr
Father-Well. ! aml-Mainzer Tage
blatt,
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
One Occupation still Left.

Fair Visitor-l am collecting sub
scriptions for a poor boy who cannot
work. He has both limbs paralyzed.
Mr.. Grough-Why doesn't he become
a district telegraph messenger?-Life.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Inheritance.

Mrs. Gabb-Does your boy take after
you or his father?
Mrs. Gabb-He takes after his father.
You can never believe a word he sayA
Good News.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Located ut Last.

1.-The name Of a Minnesota legislato.
is 'Bjorge.'"
1--WE heard the name quite often; blu,
! didn't know where the man lived. -
Puck.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
An Experience.

well. Willie. did you like the zoo3"
''Oh yes. papa We had ride. too
on the two-seated droinedary. "-Har
per's Young People.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Discharged tho Duke.

First Flunkey-Ow do yon lake the
juke of Whimpleton. Snawleyp
Second Flunkey-Hi 'ates i'm. Hive
given of i'm notice. E leaves me hon
the fust. Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Ahem!

Ethel-How did George like your
swansdown boa?
Maude-l was tickled with it,
Brooklyn Life.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
An Example In Point.

De Sappy (entering)-Aw. say. old
fellah, where is it that fools wush In
in where angels feah to twead?"
Adams (grimly)-My ofice.-Lifs.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

do not wish TO blow into them,
but merely Whisper that the He'd
River Valley offers fine induce
ments for home seekers. as also
the entire region along the Great
Northern Hallway through Mime.
sofa North Dakota and Montana
For Maps. Guide Books, etc. apply
10 r. I. WHITNEY. q. r. Il L. A.,
st. Paul. Mum. or your nearest
railway agent.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
Z Z Z . Y Z
uT~~lo~o kon the Largest Gold Mines.
MIIIIIUUX IIXV the Largest Silver Mines.
MlIlIl(ltIlI Hun the Largest Copper Mines.
the Largest Lead Mines.
Has Extensive Grazing Ranges, Fine Tim
Der Belts, Wids Agricultural valleys.

Is larger than New England. New York,
pennsy lvania, New Jersey and Delaware
combined.
The Great Northern Railway Is the direct
line from st. Paul and Minneapolis TO Great
Fails, Monarch. Ncihart, Barker, Helena,
Butte and otberMontana points. Apply to
your home railway agent for tickets over the
Great Northern
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10
ABOUT 4 GREAT COUNTRY.

Maps and publications sent free. and letters
asking information about travel and settle
ment in Minnesota, the Dakotas and Montana
Great Northern Railway. ST. Paul. Tickets
10 MI points in the West. Lowest rates to the
Pacific Coast.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

n
In some states the
ratio ID two and oft
en- three to one in
favor OF the men.
The best route
from St. Paul. Min
ncapOlia. Duluth
and West Superior
TO the Northwest
ern and pacihc
states ID via the
Great Northern
Halfway.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-12-10

Farms can be had In Minnesota
and North Dakota on crop and 9th.
Ter plans to suit purchasers. No
failure OF crops in twelve years Of
settlement. Large yields OF wheat
and other staples. Fine stock re-
gion. Good schools and churches.
Healthful climate. Great Markets
within easy reach. Farms paid for
from the proceeds of one crop.
Highest prices paid for products
The Great Northern RAILWAY has
three lines through the Valley.
Address w. w. lsraden. Land Com
missioner. st. Paul, Mimi, for par
IficulAra
The record-union., 1891-03-15

Regular Correspondence of the SUNDAY
UNION. Copyright, 1871
The record-union., 1891-03-15

was highly praised by Jules Simon, the
Chairman of the meeting. A writer in
the indianapolis Press says:
May Wright Sewall is woman alive
at all points, and has keen eye for in
tellectual advancement of every kind and
degree. Much Of the culture for which
indianapolis women are becoming Justly
noted is directly or indirectly traceable to
Mrs. SewalPs influence and indefatiga-
bility.
'Mrs. Sewalps platform manner is
gracious and easy, She has tact in
abundance, and her talent as a manager
has bridged over many rough places in
Indiana suffrage conventions.
Probably no other woman in the
State associations has more irons in the
| fire, or handles them with greater ability.
''She is preceptress of a fine school for
girls, oversees the affairs Of the boarding
establishment connected with the school,
| and oldest woman's club in the city, en-
tertains literally and is socially present
| everywhere"
From this complete description from
one of Mrs. Sewall's near neighbors, it
will be seen that her activities are not
one-sided. Like Nine. De Stael, she
could make her living, if necessary, in at
least dozen different cailings.
MRS. ROBERT P. PORTER.
hAi AeOpSib oALcI. tic WlIG OI tuC
Superintendent of the Census, is one of
the best newspaper women in this coun-
try. Circumstances, however, have asked
her to ''step UP higher for, instead of
writing editorials and sketches of men
and women, her life is devoted to her
husband and four little ones. The home
of the Porters is an ideally happy one, as
a home is apt to be when & woman is her
husbands equal intellectually. When
| Mr.. Porter was editor of the Press he
| frequently telephoned up TO Mrs. Porter
to lay aside her sewing and write an edi-
torial on SOME subject with which she
was familiar. He was too busy to do it,
so he called on his wife. Lucky msu!
Mrs. Porter's newspaper career began in
Chicago. Previous to her marriage she
did excellent work for the San and
Tribune. She helped to start the Press,
and much OF the popularity which that
paper at once achieved was due to her
Much OF the stuff" as men call the work
done by women and by men on women,
printed in the Press, was quickly recog-
nized as the productions of Mrs. Porier's
pen. EMMA TRAPPER.
The record-union., 1891-03-15
Great Gators.

The Russians eat, on an average, says a
contemporary, once in every two hours.
The climate and custom require such fire.
quent meals, the digestion of which is
aided by frequent draughts of vodki and
tea. Vodki is the Russian whisky and
made from potatoes and rye. 1t is fiery
ana colorless and favored with some ex-
tract like vanilla or orange. 1t is drunk
from small cups that hold, perhaps, half
a gill. Vodki and tea are inseparable ac-
compartments of friendly as well as of
business intercourse in the country of the
Car. Drunken men are rare. Russia
and Sweden are the only two countries in
which the double dinner is the rule.
When you go 70 the house of Russian.
be he friend or stranger, you are at once
invited to side table, where salted meat,
picked eel, salted cucumbers and many
other spicy and appetizing viands are
urged upon you with an impressiyeness
that knows no refusal. This repast is
washed down with frequent cups of
vodki. That over, and when the visitor
feels as if he had eaten enough for twenty
four hours, the host says: "And now for
dinner"
The record-union., 1891-03-15
His Money was o,.thoaox

The tender spot and open purse that
John u. Rockefeller, the millionaire oil
king, always has for religious and chari-
table projects, especially if they are con-
nected with the Baptist faith, keeps
swarm sslf OF begging ministers at his doors
Morning Journal
!, a witty Methodist minister called upon
tne millionaire recently, and, after ex-
planning his visit, said in seductive
Now, how much may put your name
down for, sir, in this worthy cause?,'
But" said the rich man, 81 am not Of
your church,
That doesn't nlatter." said the minis-
ter, your money is orthodox"
The record-union., 1891-03-15

Daggett-"I should think you'd be
ashamed to talk to minister that way!
Don't you respect his cloth?" Wyde
Pladd (the tailor)-''Well, / ought to. It
cost me S45, and now he comes to tell me
he amt likely to have call before next
winter. III 1,iericn7, G,.o~ey
The record-union., 1891-03-15
yesuyius and Etna.

1t Is very rare that the eruptions of
these two great volcanoes are contempo-
raneous, and the fact is all the more re-
markable from the existence between the
two of Stromboli, volcano which, from
the earliest history, has never been inact-
i've. Vesuvius sand Etna are about 200
miles apart in an almost directline north
and south with Stromboli. AS rule,
when Etna is active, Vesuvius, is quies-
cent, and vice versa. The principal
eruptions of Vesuvius Were in the years
A. D. 20, 303, Az, 512, 6S5, 993, sIO49, I13S,
1906, after which the volcano was quiet
until the great eruption of 1851, and from
that time to the great outbreak of I779
small eruptions were frequent. Over
seventy eruptions of Etna are recorded
before the present century, but in no case
were they contemporaneous with those of
Vesuyius. The most important eruptions
of the two mountains during the last few
years have alternated. In lS47 Vesuvius
was active and Etna quiescent; the re-
verse was the case during the Etna erup-
ton of 1852; then came the turn of Vesu-
vius in 1858, followed by long period of
rest. while a violent outbreak of Etna
took place in 1858. followed bysquiet and
the great Vesuvian eruption OF 1872.
Biologists have conjectured that both are
fed from the same subterranean fires,
which find vent alternately to the north
and Democrat.
The record-union., 1891-03-15

EzacnAN's Pills care sick headache.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22

In the halls it was a blaze of light
with two candles in each cuspldor.
give a drawing of the overshot Candida
bra. The flower on the off one was i'm
provised by me. will be honest with
the reader. 1t is an ideal flower which
thought of and then made draw
ing of.
Hot Springs is the great healing center
for the nited States. 1t is very charm
ing place also in the matter of climate.
The hotels also are now most excellent,
a new ore, called the Park, being a great
addition to the already excellent supply.
One OF her own writers says very
truthfully, think, that these waters
are 'shsdowing forth hope that the
ne plus ultra of panaceas has not yet
been reached by them, and that these
waters here found in inexhaustible guam
titles gushing forth from mother earth
possess 4 balm for their physical ills
even to that of standing off old Father
Time by renewing their youth, beauty
and vigor."
The latitude of Hot Springs is 81 degs
north OF an imaginary line passing
around the earth equidistsnt from the
poles and called the equator Its longi-
tude is 93 dogs. west of given point.
Its altitu lie is 1900 feet above the level
of the sea and hotel rates are from three
to eight dollars per day, exclusive of
board AMI lodging.
There Is but one drawback about visit
ing Hot Springs, and that is the agony
and lack Of appetite which the sight of
human suffering naturally engenders in
a sympathetic nature.
The Ozark mountains are here found
in great abundance, and are sometimes
used for climbing purposes by those who
are making collections of that kind.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22

acQuai nJed with several strange Ded lei
lows " no were not provided with let
tiers to me, but | never knew anybody
in my life that would overload his di-
gester and then get restless at night and
put all his cold feet in the pit of total
strangers stomach, and then straighten
out his legs and push a man to the wall
like the Arkansas flea.
have tender, thin, aristocratic skin,
which is very delicate and sensitive, the
color often mounting to my brow, bath
ing neck and face, even while reading
chapter of the Scriptures without re
hearsal, and so it happens that flea
will often come and look over the reg
,ster and be assigned to my room, even
when SOME, travelling salesman, who is
handling ivon bridges, perhaps, has a
better room. So fall ready victim to
these Arkansas Percheron feas. They
come into my room with their wet UNI
brellas and stop over night, and in the
morning | look like bed of scarlet
geraniums
Above | give hasty view of the Tex
arkana electric light plant at our hotel.
We have electric lights in the hotel, but
Just as got one side of my face shaved
and was stropping my nice new razor
they all went out. 1t seems that some
one had been in and borrowed the dy-
namo to drive fence posts with, and had
injured it, believe. SO we got quite a
lot of empty bottles, which very fortu-
nately thrive well in this climate, and
putting a half candle in each we were
soon as gay MS could be, hopping cheerily
around with hot tallow on our hands.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22

The portrait is drawn on the spot, be-
cause l so seldom see a large man with
whiskers wearing a crochetted Child's
hood or even a childs crochetted hood,
for that matter, that | can't help max
ing a semiannual drawing of him, as we
say in New Orleans, which city is rapid
ly becoming a nice. quiet suburb of the
Louisiana state lottery.
Texarkana is thriving town with ex-
cellent natural advantages and new
style of early dwarf flea, which is re-
suit Of crossing the little mammoth
black hornet or typhoid touch-me-not Of
the tropics with the seven year eruption
of the primary school.
The California flea is a beast of more
delicacy and refinement. He enters your
home life and eats your latest children,
but he does it in a courteous way, with
his hat off, and uses the finger bowl
afterward; but the flea of Arkansas gets
into bed with his spurs on, and has the
debris of his breakfast in his beard.
He is a low, coarse flea, with whiskers
on his limbs, and bad, wicked heart.
He has none of those fine instincts which
we find in the California flea. The Pa
cifc coast flea takes off bis hat in the
elevator, but the Arkansas flea uses the
bosom of the universe for pocket hand
kerchief
can never describe my feelings when
i thought that was alone and the SOL
emn tones of the midnight bell moaned
through the hush of the voiceless night,
to feel the harsh whiskers of the Arkan-
coS Haa onaiySt INV lppcr ,Srbita uaol- arI
shoulders.
Has the reader ever gone through such
an experience? Did the reader ever feel
this way and know that now was the
time for his hair to turn suddenly white,
yet knowing that it was at the bottom
of his trunk and could not be got att
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22
Guaranteed Cure.

We authorize our advertised druggist
to sell DR.. Kings New Discovery for
consumption, coughs and colds. upon this
condition. II you are afflicted with q
cough. cold or any lung. throat or chest
trouble, and will use his remedy as
directed, giving it fair trial, and ex-
perience no benefit, you may return the
bottle and have your money refunded.
We could not make this offer did we not
know that DR.. Kings New Discovery
could be relied op. 1t never disappoints,
Trial bottles free at Hartz & Bshnsen's
drug store. Large size soc and 81.
A Leader.
Since its first introduction, Electric
Bitters has gained rapidly in popular ia
vor, until now it is clearly iii the lead
among pure medicinal tonics and sltera-
tives-contsining nothing which permi
its use as beverage or int xicsnt. il is
recognized as the best and purest medi-
cine for all ailments of stomach, liver
and kidneys 1t will cure sick headache,
ind gestion. conshp4 patton, and drive ma
laria from the system. Satisfaction
guarante ed with each bottle or the money
will be refunded. Price only 80 cent per
bottle. Sold by Bariz & Bahnsen.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 22, 1891
BILL NYE IN ARKANSAW
EXTRAORDINARY PRIVILEGES OF col.
oRED PEOPLE ON THE CARS.

Plethoric Nature and Local Hypernatri-
tion-The Typhoid Toueh-Ne-Not of the
Tropics-Puffs for Booming Towns-Hot
Springs and It's Victims.
Copyright. 1891, by Edgar w. Nye.l
In THE STATE OF ARKANSAS. ON BOARD
THE ANONYMOUS AND RETURN-IF-NoT(
CALLED-FoR-IN-TEN-D RAILROAD
MARROW GAUGE.
Arkansas is state that is suffering
with approximation of undeveloped re-
sources, phlethora of crude and embry-
onic industries. Feeling easier now in
my mind, will now proceed.
The railroad on which we are now
riding is of the narrow gauge style, and
this coach would tickle my little boys to
death if they could tie string to it
and play with it on the front porch. The
rear half is curtained off by means of
rich hangings, costing six cents yard at
a fire sale. This division of the car is
made so that our honest perspiration may
not offend the nostrils of a colored man
who is occupying that portion of the car.
come of long line of purple fronted
Abolitionists who had familiarized them
selves with the negro by reading Uncle
Toms Cabin" and the bred Scott deci-
sion by means of burning pine knot
in our little Penobscot home, but if they
had been ordered out of a colored wait
ing room as was the other day, or had
stood up in crowded white" car, while
one of our enfranchised brothers, whose
portrait ! have rudely drawn while the
train seems to have left the track and to
be running trifie smoother, occupied a
car by himself, they would have been
more conservative,
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22
druggists.

have been great sufferer from dry
cstsrrh for many years, and tried many
remedies. but none did me so much benz
eft rs Ely's Cream Balm. 1t completely
cured me. M. J. Lslly, SO Woodward
Ave, Boston Highlands. Mass.
l think Ely's Cream Balm is the best
remedy for cstsrrh ever saw. l never
took anything that relieved me so quick
Is, and have not felt so well in q long
time. | used to be troubled with severe
headaches two or three times a week.
J A Alcorn, Ag't L. P. r. R Co, Eaton.
Colo.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22

In the pursuit OF the goo1 things OF
this world we anticipate too much; we
Eat out the heart and sweetness of world
" pleasures by delightful forethought OF
them. The results obtained from the use
Of DR.. Jones Red Clover Tonic far exceed
ell claims. 1t cures dyspepsia, and all
stomach, liver, kidney and bladder
troubles, 1t is q perfect tonic, appetizer,
blood purifier, sure cure for ague and
mslsrisl diseases. Price, SO cents, OF
druggists.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-12-22
To Nervous ana DsblIat.d Men.

II you will send me your address we
will mail you our illustrated pamphlet
explaining all about DR.. Dyes celebrated
electro voltsic belt and appliances. and
their charming effects upon the nervous
dsbilitated system, and how they will
quickly restore you to vigor. manhood
and health. Pamphlet free. If you are
thus afflicted, we will send you belt and
appliances on trial.
VoLTAIc BELT Co.. Marshall. Mich.