The Portland daily press., 1891-06-20
WIT AND WISDOM.
Cot the MItten Every lime.

81 can marry any girl please" was his excla-
nation, but unfortunately then he did not please
ann; and there was plain reason for 1t. He had
contracted catarrh OF the worst FORM and al
though wealthy, educated, attractive person
every other way, he was positively repulsive to
his lady friends, number of whom rejected his
offers of marriage. A friend advised him to use
DR.. Sage's Catarrh Remedy He took his advice
and now is the most popular beau In town. and he
really can ''marry any girl he pleases" TO ASK IL
made his breath pure and sweet, he has no head
ache, no offensive discharges from the nose, in
short, is In perfect health, and all from using
few bottles of DR.. Sage's Catarrh Remedy.
"Now, Robby, If you don't want to go to Bessie
Smiths party you must write note and tell her
so, and be sure and get 1t up polite. You can find
models in this book of etiquette" said Mrs. Car
hart to her little son.
Robby struggled with the problem for an hour
and then presented Tor his mothers Inspection the
following truthful but unconventional effusion:
MIR. Robert CarbaIt declines with pleasure
Miss Bessie Smiths kind invitation for the 14th,
and thanks her extremely for having given him
the opportunity New York World.
Presto change! Halls Hair Remover causes
gray hair to assume natural color.
1t was Cold.
Miss Sharpe-0h, how do you do, Mr.. Sissy?
you are not looking we'll.
Mr.. Sissy-No, Mss Sharpe; I've a cold or
something in my head.
Miss s. calmly think it must be a cold, Mr..
Sissy.-New York Daily Continent.
Ihave not used all of one bottle yet. / sui.
fered from catarrh for twelve years, experiencing
the nauseating dropping in the throat peculiar TO
that disease, and nose bleed almost daily. tried
various remedies without benefit until last April,
when saw Ey's Cream Balm advertised in the
Boston Budget, procured bottle and since the
first days use have had no more bleeding-the
Soreness is entirely gone.-D. G. Davidson, with
the Boston Budget, formerly with Boston Jour-
nal.
Mrs. Fangle-Dont you think, Mr. Brown that
ought to leave Mabel In Paris for a year to have
her voice cultivated?
Mr.. Brown (who has heard Miss Mabel sing)-
lhllk you ought to leave her there for at least
two years.-Munsey's Weekly.
Do not despair of curing your sick
headache when you can so easily obtain Carter's
Little Liver Pills. They will effect a prompt and
permanent cure. Their action is mild and nat
ural.
"why did you hurry around the corner whe
you met Briggs?"
afraid of him."
"Why?"
Yesterday he paid me back dollar he Dor
rowed six months ago, and Pm shorter than usual
this week, "-RecOrder.
No other blood medicine so utilities the results
of scientific inquiry as Ayers Sarsaparilla.
Parson-I have missed you from your pew OF
late, Mr.. Stubblngs.
Farmer-Well, sir, hev been to meetin' lately.
But, y see. Rev. Mr.. Scowles o. the chapel, he
bought some pigs o. me, and thought ought to
give him turn Illustrated America
No one knows better than those who have
used Carter's Little Liver Pills what relief they
have given when taken for dyspepsia, dizziness,
pain In the side, constipation and dsordered
stomach
Little Horace was telling his grandmother what
he had learned in Sunday school: "Adam was
the first man, Methuselah was the Oldest man,
Job was the most patient man. Moses was the
worst man"
"Why Horacer'
"Yes'm, he was. He broke all the ten COM
mandments at once."-N. e, Farmer.
The worst blood diseases are cured with Ayers
Sarsaparilla. Its effects are felt at once.
Herr Schmidt is an absent minded music teach
er. One of his pupils asked him:
cat what o'clock do you want me to come to
your house tomorrow to take my lesson?"
10, yel cho0st come ven you gets ready; put
pc sure you wash on time, for / don't want to be
kept waiting. Texas Siftings
Thousands of cases of female disease have been
treated by Mrs. Pinkham, ana every fact record
ed. Those records are available tothe suffering,
private correspondence solicited.