Huntsville gazette., 1891-02-14
HUMOROUS.


Have you got that resolution with
you? Or did you break it by taking too
good care of it?-Buffalo Times.
--Cynicus- Students seem to drink
great deal, as a class" Finicus-"Yes.
but they drink more as an individual"
There's something about a pretty
woman that one can not admire. Or
course we refer to the other fellow
Boston Transcript.
Bismarck says: "War is not caused
by newspaper articles" Bismarck is
evidently not familiar with Texas jour-
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
Get acquainted gradually; if you ex-
pect to borrow five dollars from new
acquaintance tomorrow, ask him for
two dollars to-day.-Milwaukee SEN
tinel.
The wicked stand with immunity 10
slippery places, whereas small banana
peel filings the heels of the righteous to
the sky like unto the sheels of the lazy
mule.-DallaS News.
-He-"How did you enjoy the acting
at the matinee?" She-"It was some
thing atrociousl The color of the lead
ing lady's gown didn't match the rib
bons on her pug dogs neckr'-N. Y.
Herald.
Slippers will be much used this
winter. For grown-up persons the slip
pers will be according to the latest fall
fashions on icy pavements. For naughty
children the slippers will be felt.-To-
ledo Blade.
Former Employer 81 hear you
have given up your situation in the
woodward, Dennis. What was the
trouble?" Dennis-"Sure, sir, Dim not
the mon to saw wood three times in two
for a dollar day."-N. Y. Sun.
Conspicuous s.-Littlewayte (solilo-
quizing)-"That diamond stud of mine
caught his eye. / knew it would. 1t
catches all of 'em." The Other Fellow
(soliloquizing)-" an awful dirty
shirt he had on!'-Chicago Tribune.
Mr. Wilgus-"So you decline to con-
tribute any thing? Remember, Brother
Gotrox, there are no pockets in
shrouds" Old Gotrox-"Of course
there are not. A mans shroud is fur
nished by his heirs" - Indianapolis
Journal.
-"Three of my cows have stopped
giving milk, and four of my customers
have doubled their orders" said the
milkman. "You appear to be caught
short. You'll be forced to liquidate,"
said his son, who was an office-boy on
Wall Street.-Harper's Bazaar.
Was Sorry He Spoke. - Waiter
Cooking for tip to a customer as he
starts to go)-'FHaven't you forgotten
something, sah?" Customer turning
bAck)-"So have, Cuffey. I'll proba-
bly, need that umbrella, too. (Goes out
without giving tip.)"-Boston Herald.
A velocity of six miles second
would suffice, says scientist, to carry
any body away from the gravitation Of
the earth. The velocity impaired by
banana peel is undoubtedly more than
six miles second, but gravity gets in
its work just the same.-St. Joseph
News.
Mrs. Athome-"And who is that
gentleman with your husband?" Mrs.
Kawler-"Why, that is Prof. Scoopem-
dyker, the well known arch@ologist."
''Indeed! Oh, do hope he's brought if
with him, SO that he can play for us.
I'm so tired of piano music. Boston
Traveller.
Expert Testimony.-Judge Ito Wit
ness)-''Who are you?" Witness (who
is a physician)-''I am an insane ex.
pert, your honor" Judge with dig
nity)-"Oh, you are? Well, get out OF
this We do not want any crazy people
giving testimony in this court. Wash
ington Star.
-Waiter-"But, sir, if you can't give
me your name and address, how can /
send you home?" Guest considerably
under the weather)-'Do you know,
I've forgotten every thing. But say, |
tell you, waiter, just read the directory
through to me and when you come to
ny name Ill tell you. "-Fliegende
Blatter.