davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
Sad, Solemn Men,

The gentlemen who provide hui
mainly with its last lodging require no
cards to designate their calling or to
indicate what they are ready to under
take for their defunct fellowbeings
1t is written on their faces, in their
department, on their habiliments-all
over them. They are their own cards,
as writer expresses it. If one were
to meet an undertaken under the
shadow of the pyramids or at Spitz-
bergen there could be no difficulty in
recognizing him as member of the
funeral profession.
Undertakers, as rule, are moral,
estimable men, but they certainly do
differ in aspect and manners from the
mass of mankind. There is an indie
scribable air about them, which, for
lack of better word, we must call
posthumous. Constant intercourse
with the bereaved makes their voices
mournful; for your undertaken ever
assimilates his tones to those of his
afflicted customers, and he thereby &C.
quires habit of talking as if he had
lost all his friends. In like manner
the "'havior of his visage" becomes
woe-begone past all remedy. His
very smiles are only deadly lively.
Then there is severe plainness about
the cut of his black suit which, to say
nothing of its melancholy hue, is re-
buke to worldly vanity and a solemn
hint that fashion and frivolity are of
small account when his duties are to be
performed. Nevertheless, the craft is
a highly respectable one, and we have
not a word to say against it.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

The foolish man maketh haste to re-
move his winter fannels, and pneu-
monia taketh their place.
FIRST newsboy-What's that you're
smoking? Second newsboy who has
made a tour of the saloons a
Floor del Fumar.
WHAT is it the German philosopher
says, "A handsome woman is always
right 2" "That was the way he said it.
l suppose he meant that pretty girls
are never left.
PARTICULAR citizen-These new red
stamps are not as adhesive as they ought
to be-" Postal official-I guess you
never tried carrying a sheet of them in
your pocket on hot day"
- IRATE GUEsT-See here, Your adver-
tisement said "no mosquitoes. Summer
landlord wasn't mosq uito
here when that advertisement was
written, not one You must remember
l began advertising in April.
Il KNOW why you go down town
every night now, William?" You do 2"
said the young husband, and his face
blanched. "les; You're learning to
ride. l heard you say in your sleep,
you fellows take what You please, ]
want pony"
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
What They Learned.

Few manufactured malapropos
speeches are so droll as those which
little children make without knowing
it. The Pittsburgh Bulletin gives the
following:
Mamma-Did my darling little Nell
lie hear the words of the wedding cere-
monv?
Nellie-Yes, 1 heard every word.
Mamma-And what did the minister
say?
Nellie (glibly)-He said: ave have
now entered the holy bands of paddock,
and you Irvine are now one fish"
The Hartford Post reports another,
which, as the Irishman said, is equally
worse"
A little girl, just old enough to enter
the infant class at the Sunday school,
was ambitious to repeat q text of
Scripture as the older ones did at the
concert exercises.
In order to humor her ambition and
make it reasonably certain bat she
would succeed, the mother seldeted the
brief text, 1T is lawful to do good on
the Sabbath day" and taught her until
she rehearsed it several times correctly.
When the supreme moment arrived,
however, the little orator electrified
her audience and mortified her mother
by saying, at is awful to do good on
the Sabbath DAY.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
KANSAS RAILROADS.

At Argentine general reduction in
the working force at the Santa Fe
shops is being made. Sixty men have
been laid off, and it is reported that an
other reduction will be made.
The Santa Fe has received the final
installment of mogul engines, contract
ed for some months since. They are
among the most powerful engines in
use, and are built for heavy traffic and
| fast time.
Topeka Capital: I. has been reported
that 800 men have been laid off at the
Santa Fe shops. No regular men have
been dismissed, but about thirty men
who were doing special work were re-
tired at the completion of the work as
signed to them.
Special from Abilene: The new pol
icy of the Union Pacific under Jay
Gould's management is severely Geo.
nomical. All along the lines of the en-
tire system the force is being cut down,
trains taken off and employees made to
do double work In this vicinity the
change was first noticed in the discon-
tinuation of the local passenger train.
The employees of the road are also be-
ing changed. the section force cut down,
and the Office force Is feeling the effect
through removal.
At Atchison a meeting of the direc-
tories of five of the local Missouri Pa
cific companies met and formally
consolidated with the parent system.
The consolidation was effected by
authority of an act of the legislature
passed two years ago. Six companies
of the same system met in Wichita and
were merged into it. A meeting of the
directors of another local company was
held in New York and consolidated
with the system, thus making twelve
companies that lose their identity and
are swallowed up by the big corpo-
ration. There are other local lines that
will be consolidated with the system
later. The consolidation does not affect
the right of municipalities that hold
stock.
Kansas City, Mo-, journal: Several
vi tue last IrelSnt men nave gone 10
Salina to look after a shipment of
twenty cars of -four which are said to
be there ready for export, if suffi-
GENTLY good rate can be secured. The
Union Pacific has been asking its east
ern connections what can be done to
move this freight toward the seaboard.
The rates are such that the -four can
not be exported unless better rate
than tariff can be secured for it. The
regular rate to Liverpool is 42t cents,
and it will have to be cut to 80 cents, it
is said, to get the business. Unless
that rate can be secured it will seek
other markets. There is also about the
same quantity of flour at Topeka which
will be exported on the same conditions,
that favorable rate is secured.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
Did Not Need the Car Ticket.

A benevolent lady, residing within
sound of St Aloysius' bells, was PASS
ing through Judiciary square last week
when her attention was attracted to a
wan-looking man sitting on one of the
benches. The vsgrant winds blew
through his scanty hair. and, like Cas-
sius, he was apparently weary of the
world. The lady's kindly heart went
out to the lonely man and she spoke to
him.
"Sir, you look tired. Allow me at
least to give you car fare home" ex-
tending q nickel to him.
The old man looked quizzically at
his benefactor, then smiled and quietly
said:
Il am very much obliged for your
kindness, madam, but I really won't
need it. I am only waiting here for
my carriage"
And just then an elegent coupe drove
up and the object Of her charity en-
tered it and drove away.-Washingto's
Star.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

over, that the walters, by refusing to
receive gratuities, put themselves upon
aself-respecting plane, and consequent
ly one respected by others. 1t is idle
for the walters to hope to be treated
like Independent artisans while they
extend catch-penny hand to the tip
giver. Manifestly their only course is
either to give up tips and be contented
with fixed and adequate wage, or keep
on as they are. They are likely, how
ever, to fail in an attempt to get both.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
KANSAS CHURCHES.

Caney Chronicle: The dedication OF
the Caney Methodist Episcopal church
marked the contamination Of severe
struggle of the friends and members of
the church But the pleasure of having
their church free fully compensates
them for all their sacrifices. Many
feared the debt could never be paid, but
pluck, energy and spirit of sacrifice
created an enthusiasm that las raised
and paid over $1,000, cancelling the
debt and improving the property.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
Strassburp's Wonderful Clock.

Far through all the civilized world
stretches the fame of Strassburg's
wonderful clock. This clock, which is
the second one of its kind put up in
Strassburg, was built in 1912, the first
one, built in 1873, having fallen into
decay. 1t stands in the south transept
of Strassburg Cathedral, and is fifty
feet in height by thirty in width. 1t
contains some of the mechanism of the
old clock, but is not an exact copy
of it.
Tourists crowd the transept, in or
der to see the automaton procession.
at the hour of noon. As the clock
strikes twelve the cock flaps his wings
and, with apparent effort, gives fee
BILE, hoarse (it must be confessed,
ridiculous crow. Then the procession
begins. The apostles are waiting at
the door to the left of the upper plat
form, one by one they cross the stage,
pause before the figure of Christ, bow
in a ierky fashion, receive the blessing
of the uplifted hand, and pass out at
the other side of the platform. The
second effort of the cock takes place
ere the procession is half over, the
third when the last apostle has disap-
peared from view. The central fig
ure on the lower platform holds the
bells in balance. Automatic figures
appear every fifteen minutes, and
cross the stage to strike the hour. A
youth is seen at the quarter, man
at the half-hour, while the figure of
time with his scythe strikes the full
hour.
The clock also tells the times and
seasons of ecclesiastical events, so
far as they are associated with as.ro-
nomical phenomena, the phases of the
moon, and the equation of time. There
is also celestial circle, or orrery, that
shows the motions of the heavenly
bodies.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
STATE OF ONO, C1TY o. TcLKDo, }

STATE o, ONO, c111 OF TurDo' 81.
FRANK ]. CHENEY makes oath that b .
the senior partner of the firm of Z: j. C-
xEY Il Co., doing business IN the Clly OF lo.
said firm will pay the the sum of ONE HUN
DRIED DOLLARS for each and every case
of CArARRH that cannot be cured by the use
of HALLS CATARRH CURE.
FRANK J. CHENEY.
Sworn TO before me and subscribed in my
presence, this 9th day of December, A.
D., 1886.
A. ". GLEASON,
SEAL Notary Public.
49,
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally and
acts directly on the blood and mucous sur
faces of the SYSTEM Send for testimonials,
free.
FL. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by druggists, 15c.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
Natural History Fairy Tales.

Two queer natural history fairy tales
reach us from Scotland. At Hadding-
ton last week cat gave birth to four
kittens, and with her offspring took up
her abode in the garden summer house.
Three of the kittens were removed, and
the lady of the house was surprised to
find that the fourth kitten had also dis
appeared. Search was made, but to
no avail. Several days passed, and the
inmates were attracted by the somewhat
stealthy movements Of the mother cat,
when it was seen to go repeatedly to a
thick arch of honeysuckle in the garden.
Here the missing kitten was found
safely ensconced in blackbird's nest.
A better retreat could not have been
chosen, as the nest is fully seven feet
from the ground and in the thickest
part of the honeysuckle. Here the
kitten remains, apparently comfortabl
in its novel quarters.
Fairy tale No. 2 is that of dog-or,
rather, two dogs-who were playing to-
gether with toy whip. The Irish ter
rier. momentarily losing his temper,
made snap and snarled at his COM
panion, who Immediately turned tail and
walked Off huff. The terrier stood
a moment, and then, seeming to recog-
nize that he was at fault, picked up the
whip, and. making after the aggrieved
one, laid the whip down before him
with Ievery canine expression of good
will. This maneuver was repeated two
or three times, until the other dog, I'M
Outstanding that his playmate was sim
cere in his offer, dashed at the whip,
and the two dogs resumed their play,
the best of friends. The repentance OF
the prodigal son was nothing in compar-
ison with this display of the Irish ter.
rier, which unfortunately was killed at
Montroso Station the day after the &C.
curence of the incident.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
Physicians Have Found Out

That contamination and foreign element
in the blood, developed by indigestion, is the
cause of rheumatism. This settles upon the
sensitive, sub-cutaneous covering of the mus
Giles and Hgaments of the joints, causing con-
slant and shifting pain, and aggregating as
a calcareous, chalky deposit, which produces
stiffness and distortion of the joints. No fact,
which experience has demonstrated in regard
to Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, has stronger
evidence to support than this, namely, that
this medicine of the comprehensive uses
checks the formidable and atrocious disease,
nor is it less positively established than it is
preferable to the poisons often used to arrest
It, since the medicine contains only salutary
ingredients. 1t is also signal remedy for
malarial fevers, constipation, dyspepsia,
kidney and bladder ailments, debility and
other disorders. See that you getthe genuine.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

The income of good corporation
tauyeais fax abcre that Of the best paid
judges. The interests at stake are
enormous. The Grand Trunk Railroad
Company was compelled to pay $40, 900
for personal damages to passenger in
one case. The case was tried three
times, and on each trial the jury in
creased the amount of damages. If the
man had been killed the full amount of
damage that could have been recovered
would have been only $1,000. II q man
loses leg or hand or an eye he may
get as much damages for it as his heirs
could get for his whole body in case Of
desth.-Ner York Sun.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

A GIGANTIC pendulum has been sus-
pended from the center Of the second
platform of the Eiffel Tower. 1t con-
sists of a bronze wire $50 feet long,
with a steel globe weighing about 1875
pounds at the end Its object is to ex-
hibit the rotation OF the earth by the
Foucault method.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

A lady of Newburyport was greatly
astonished on Monday to see live
pickerel weighing about one ard half
pounds drop in the road at her feet.
CHANGING upward, she discovered how
erng about the spot large American
eagle, which had evidently secured the
fish fnom one of the neighboring brooks
and had dropped it. She secured the
fish and served it for breakfast the
next morntng.-Ne,cburgport Mass
Herald.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

ISParis the simplest form of embalm-
ing costs usually 500 francs, but should
an autopsy have been performed or
death occurring through other than
natural causes, a much heavier sum
would be incurred. rising in some cases
to as much as 5000 francs.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

KoCH's REMEDY.
Senator Plat introduced joint resolution
appropriating $4,000 to enable the presi-
dent to take action to obtain from the Ger
man government a supply of the remedy
discovered by DR.. Koch and the formula for
the manufacture of the same.
SOME TALKING FOR THE BILL.
In the senate some talking has at last been
done in favor of the federal elections bill by
Senators Spooner, ingalls, and Edmunds.
PAN-AMEEICAN TRANSPORTATION.
Senator Cullom, b. request, introduced a
bill to incorporate the Pan-American trans
portation company. Referred.
INGALLS, AWAY.
Senator ingalls, is away on a two weeks
leave.
VOORHEES, TALKS.
Among those speaking on the elections
bill was Senator voorhees,, who was very Bit
ter in his denunciations of the administra-
ton of republican political methods.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

THE official report that the new State
of Washington has in six counties
2l3.0o0 acres of developed coal lands
within radius of forty miles of tide
water Will do much towards determin-
ing the character of the State as q
manufacturing center. 1t is by no
means probable that these figures rep
resent moiety of the coai-producing
area of the State, and further encour-
aging developments in the near future
may be anticipated.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

THE national flag will be saved from
ignoble uses hereafter. According to
the new law passed by Congress. any
person who shall use the national flag.
either by printing, painting, or affixing
on it any advertisement for public dis
play or private gain, will be held to be
guilty of a misdemeanor, for which the
the United States courts may mulct
him $50 or send him to Jail for period
of thirty DAYS.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

THE number of immigrants arriving
in the United States during the nine
months ending September 30, 1890, ex-
elusive of those from the British North
American Possessions and Mexico, and
comprising about 90 per cent OF the
total immigration, as compared with the
arrivals of the corresponding period of
1889, was QSS9) 339,0S0 and $500
3Sl .399-a gain of 1913 in 1890. And
still there is room for few more good
immigrants.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

A MICHIGAN man to cure himself OF
the opium habit smoked cloves until he
Is a confirmed clove-smoker. There Is
but one downward step left for him to
take and that is to contract the ciga-
rette habit
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

THE authorities of the Government
of Taurida, Russia, have issued an or
der that women bathing in free waters
shall wear bathing suits. The women
of Ialteen protest against this order
with an energy and unanimity worthy
off better cause: they are preparing
petition TO the general government urg-
ing the repeal of the order and declar-
ing that the curative powers of the
water have no effect upon those that
bathe in clothes
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

SARA BERNHARDR has dresses enough
to fiji forty-eight large trunks. If Sara
should get lost in them it would be like
looking for a needle in haystack to
find her.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

A sTATIsTIc1N, estimates that the
number of passengers carried each day
on all tine railroads in the world aver
ages six and half million.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

THERE is growing tendency among
chemists to regard the elements as
vary ing arrangements produced at
successive stages in the process of cool
ing of one original form of atom. Evil
dence in favor of the hypothesis is
claimed in the fact that some elements
seem not to have formed in the sun,
while vet more are absent from still
hotter stars.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

COPIES of the poems" of the Sweet
Singer of Michigan are so scarce that
one of them is worth its weight in
gold Why doesn't Ella Wheeler Will
cox buy up all her editions, publish
her verses in one book, and sit down like
a real-estate buyer to await the fortune
that would be certain to come?
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

LII the walters are in earnest in deter,
mination not to have their employers
count in tips as part of their wages,
they can easil Y arrange the whole mat
ter by making Il rule of their associ-
alton that no m smber shall receive a
fee. OF course when this is once
understood the mel; ere pat upon per-
fectly definite and satisfactory footing
with their employers, and the public
will not be likely to be incensed at the
move. 1t might be cons idered. more
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

a SENSATIONAL preacher died some
years ago, says the Rocky Mountain
NelcS. Often IN the excitement of his
preaching he would work himself up
to such "a degree that he would occasion
ally shed tears, which had a great eff
ieet upon his congregation. After his
d,ath his sermons were examined by
his executors, and 1t was frequently
found in some of his most exciting er-
mons that he had inclcsed in brackets
the words, @Cry here"
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

A MONUMENT is to be erected by the
State of Minnesota 10 commemorate
the battles and incidents of the Sioux
Indian war of 1862, and especially as
they relate to the town of New Ulm.
The burning of the town and the mas
sacre of the whites are to be shown in
two elaborate bas reliefs.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

Millions of women use Dobbins' Electric
Soap daily, and say il is the best and cheap
est. If they are right, you ought to use it.
If wrong, one trial only will show you. Buy a
bar of your grocer and try it next Monday.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

A Precision: Mr.. Coenties: understand
that yon live in the suburbs. Mr.. Bloomfield:
No, sir: live in only one of them.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

When you come across man who de-
scribes every drink from lager beer to cham
payne "a ''rum," it is safe to assume that he
gets his alcohol at drug store.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

The ice men of Boston have had ball.
The rise in ice prlces last summer made
them able to dance and pay the fiddler.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

An Extended Popularity BRowN's BRoN-
CHIaI. TRoCHEs have for many years been the
most popula T article in Use for relieving Coughs
and Throat Troubles.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01
FIFIY-FIRsT CONGRESS.
ABOUT ARMING INDIANS.
KoCH's REMEDY.

Senator Pettigrew introduced a bill to pro-
hibit the sale of firearms and ammunition to
Indians on reservations.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

A FRENCHIAN has taken advantage
of the big neckties which men are wear
ing and has constructed camera which
fits perfectly into them. The pin forms
the nozzle of the machine, and a tube
runs down under the waistcoat and is
buttoned just under the lower pocket.
The camera can be exposed by this ap-
plication and by pressing the tube an
instantaneous photograph can be taken.
A COMPANY has been formed under
the supervision and control of the gov
eminent for the irrigation of the step
pes in South Russia. 1t proposes to
dig canals and to lead water to lands
belonging to the government, to various
rural constituencies, and to private per-
sons. Several government engineers
have been detailed for the services OF
the company, which will begin work in
the CIimea.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1891-01-01

. ''What dear little craft that wits of yours
is, eh, DobsOn, old boy?" Dear? l should
say so. She's so very dear that l call her my
revenue CUTTER
The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1891-04-23

I,oR SALES NEW TRIPLE CASES.
u never beon used. Apply Mt this
Office. ap-4-tf