Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-05-14
MIR, TESTERS TROUSERS,

Jack Cockey went down by himself to
Woodleigh hall, hampshire, to spend
week or so with his Uncle Tester. Jack,
who had only just left school, and was
barely nineteen, did not look forward to
his visit with much pleasure, for his
uncle was most crotchety and can
tankerous old gentleman, of whom he
stood in considerable dread. Indeed, he
had only accepted the invitation from
Slterested motives, the fact being that
his uncle, who was very rich, had
limited his intention Of defraying the ex-
penses of Jacks projected career at Ok
ford, and as his parents were too poor to
give him university education them
selves it was especially needful for him
to keep in Uncle Testers ''good books"
Before he bad left home on his dreaded
visit both his parents warned him what
whimsical, crotchety old fellow his
uncle was, and how exceedingly careful
he must be in his behavior while at
Woodleigh; for the old gentleman was
apt to take offense at tribes which Or
binary mortals would not even notice,
and the smallest piece of carelessness on
Jacks part might engender fatal pref
udice against him in his uncle's mind.
Fully imbued, therefore, with the ne
cessity Of being on his best behavior,
Jack started off to Woodleigh. On ar
irving there he was not especially pleased
to find that the only other visitors to the
house were q few old fogys, contempt
raries of his uncle and aunt, and as he
sat at dinner on his first night, in COM
pany of these pri1n and rather antiquated
persons, he felt decidedly like q fish out
of water. Indeed had it not been for
the presence of his cousin Lily-his I'M
nfs's only child-who kept him in coun-
gEnance as rsr as youth was concerned.
he felt that he should have collapsed al
together.
Youth was not Lily Testers sole at
traction either. She was pretty, kind
hearted and companionable And Jack
found her society SO agreeable that be-
fore he had been at Woodleigh three
days he imagined himself, according to
his boyish lights, violently in love with
her. OF course he was too bashful to
declare his passion in words, but he
showed it by the silent admiration Of his
looks, by constant attendance at her side.
and by continually fetching and carry
ing for her, and, in general way, max
ing himself as useful to her as he could.
One afternoon, in her cousins hearing,
Lily happened to bewail aloud the fact
that she had no means of procuring a
new novel, which she was very impa-
tient to read, from the circulating library
in their neighboring town, as the horses
were otherwise occupied that day and
the servants were all too busy to be sent
upon such an GRAND Jack said nothing
but instantly determined to go for the
novel himself And having consulted
his watch and seen that he should have
time to get there and back before dinner
he started off alone without telling any
body where he was going.
He reached the town all right and OBJ
tanned the novel which Lilly wanted.
But the walk took him longer than he
had expected SO that, instead of being
back at WoOdleigh with comfortable
half hour to spare before dinner, he
found that he had barely five minutes.
As he hurried into the hall, hot and
breathless, he met Lily on her way to
the drawing room, dressed ready for
dinner, and he Immediately took the
opportunity of giving her the novel
which he had bought.
''Oh, this is good of you, Jack" she
exclaimed, her face lighting up with a
grateful smile, ''to go all that long walk
on my account. Why, you look as hot
and tired as can be. | am afraid
(glancing anxiously at the clock that
you have made yourself late, too. Oh,
Jack, do you think you can possibly
dress in four minutes? For papa is
dreadfully particular about people being
in time for dinner. And | should be
quite miserable if you got into scrape
with him through serving me-"
ooh, I'll manage it all right" replied
Jack. MY dressing won't take long"
And he ran off quickly up stairs to per-
form his hasty toilet, determined not to
be late, for he knew that Lily had used
no exaggerated phrase in saying that her
father was 'dreadfully particular about
people being in time" Indeed, in tho
eyes of this crotchety and whimsical old
gentleman to be late for dinner was
something very like a deadly sin. And
Jack, as we know, had strong reasons
for keeping in his uncle's favor. He
rushed, therefore, through his toilet at a
breckneck pace, until he came to his
dress trousers, and then he received
check. Something appeared to be wrong
with the articles in question. They were
so small and tight that Jack could scarce
ly get his muscular limbs into them. In
fact, it was evident that they were not
his own at all, but the property of some
body else who was very much smaller
and thinner than himself.
Hang it," he soliloquized in vexed
tone, as he surveyed the tight and scanty
garments cllnging TO his legs almost as
close as feshings, chose COMPOUNDED
footmen have made stupid mistake
and exchanged my breeches for some
body elses. l must ring the bell at once
and have my own brought up, for can
never go down stairs in these things"
He leaned across his bed to pull the
bell rope, which hung on the other side
of it from where he stood. But, alas!
the movement laid too great strain
upon the skin tight inexpressibles in
which he stood encased. There came a
loud crack, followed by an om1nous
sound of tearing. And Jack saw, to his
no small dis1aay, that one Of the seams
had split right up the leg!
What the deuce was he to do? The
owner of the trousers might-nay, GER
tainly would-send up for them in a
minute or two. And what rage he
would be in when he found what had