The record-union., 1891-12-08
VBBFOOT GOSSIP.
BeseIina's Breezy Budget Of Portland
Happenings.
The KneiI OF the wooden Sidewalk
sounded-Oregonian i.ejoice
When it Rains.

Oregon is not to be oatGona IN any
thing. This time we havc Within our
midst an individual who burned 10 emu
late the immortal McGinty. lie hero
ically hurled himself from The Morrison
street bridge and sought the uiHo@y
DEPTHS OF the Willamette. When he
struck the water he concluded he didn't
want 10 Interview the mermaids, so called
Justify for help. y boat was lowered and
he was hauled on board. He now Ian
guishes in a prison cell. Mine host Of
the city hostelry is giving him ample
time to reflect on the inappTeciation o.
mankind III general, especially toward
daring bridge jumpers who risk life and
limb for the edification of an Indifferent
public.
Cur worthy Mayor has just done COM
mendable action in prohibiting the further
laying of wooden sidewalks. Consoli-
dated Portland will have much more
imposing appearance when the last OF
these relics Of a byg0ne time are re-
moved.
A certain conductor on a certain line of
electric cars reminds me of nothing so
much as an imprOvised dbarn-stormer-in
other words, a reduced actor. He treads
the car with a tragic stalk; his voice is Il
melancholy basso profundo; he accepts
our meellly-offered nickel with an air of
sublime and lofty indifference. In fact,
his whole mien says, as plainly as words,
Behold III me victim ofcircumStances!'
The editor OF a rural newspaper up our
way wakes Wroth because when he visited
our city the man who gathers up the per-
sonals from hotel registers put him down
as a merchant. His journalistic pride
was offended, and he lay for that reporter.
| Failing 10 find him, the editor pided his
time, and when he got home reyenged
| himself through the columns of his paper.
He completely annihilated the unhappy
quill-driver. The latter named gentle
man will hereafter be very careful to find
out just whom he calls merchant and
| whom are editors.
To-day the hills back of town are
covered with q white mantle of snow,
while below, in the city itself, the lawns
are as green and smooth as velvet, and
from gardens ana florists windows beam
a brilliant display of chrysanthemums.
These flowers thrive luXuriantly on our
damp soil. When all nature is preparing
to don her funereal garments these gor-
geous blossoms seem to breathe bright
farewell TO the departing year.
1t is a well-known fact that nothing
pleaseS the average Oregonian so mucn
as rain. AS the gentle mist descendS his
cup of happiness is full. Not so the
plumber; he prays for dry, cold weather.
for thenhis harvest begins. Then this fest
individual is seen Oh the streets, like a
knight of old, going to battle with his
squire III close attendance. But, unlike
that historical character, our modern
knight levies tribute at almost every step
ne takes.
Apropos of plumbers, let me here give
an illustration Of how our natives hate
colo weatber-it viii also serve to show a
few of their individual characteristics.
There was living in the suburbs we'll
to-do gentleman. During heavy snow
storm friend called upon him and found
him, metaphorically speaking, hugging
the stove, while the room was piled with
snow, which drifted in at every crack aud
crevice. This friend was naturally sur
prised, and demonstrated with him. The
webfoot complacently replied that the
stove made it dry enough to get around
and besides, he expected Chinook
wind at any moment. which would melt
the snow and so save him the trouble of
shoyeling it out. BEsELINA.
Portland, Or, December 4, 1891.