The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-07-03
suNFI,oWER s1LHouErTEs.

The immigration bureau ought to hire
PETER to shut up.
| Moisture everywhere. Even the wheat is
| going through the sweat.
| The weeds right now are growing by the
| twenty-four hour system.
| Everything in Kansas is green-except
| the calamity bowler, who is blue.
After all, Sam Wood believed more in
immortality than in immortality.
1t is wrong to expect a weak man like
PETER to be able to hold his tongue
| Sam Wood used to say that God should
| be spelled with two o's, and devil without
| the d.
The best motion the Alliance legisla-
ture ever made is over the mouth of a
| threshing machine.
Mrs. Lease advises the farmers to boy
girlcott the millinery.
1t wouldiseem that the nice things that
are being said about Sam Wood would
make Willis want to die.
The farmer many a time envies his
! beast. He can not, like his horse. always
have new coat, every season.
| A man bought S453 worth of farm ma
chinery in various parts of Arkansas City
| while his wife was selecting a spring bon
net.
The lightning bugs are so thick in Kan
sas this summer that most of the electric
| light plants in the small towns have shut
down.
The farmers of Stevens county must re-
greet that they cannot put their farm i'm
plements under blood shed. There is so
much of it out there.
1t has rained so much that an exchange
in speaking of the ultimate success or
failure of corn crop, says, I'VE are launch
ing out on sea of uncertainty"
The declaration that the Alliance is dy-
ing out is only reckless statement, not
founded on facts. that the mortality on
the farm is greater than that in the city.
A great many common mediocres in the
east go TO hear Ingalls, speak just for the
pleasure of seeing the man they might
have succeeded if they had lived in Kan
SaS.
Mrs. Lease declares that somebody as an
Alliance picnic tried to poison her with
red lemonade The statement is probably
colored a great deal more than the lemo-
made.
A great many people will look up in the
sky tomorrow evening. But there will be
a great many more do the same thing if it
should happen not to rain any in the next
three weeks.
Il am simply going to show you the
naked truth" said an Alliance orator one
evening last week. And most of the
women in the audience got up and
precipatately retired.
1t is really quite absurd that anybody
who has INDUCED in Dutton House coffee
as frequently as Mrs. Lease, should think
that anybody could be able to poison her
with common lemonade.
If George Washington had lived in Kan
sas, his father would never have asked him
about the cherry tree. The old man
would have never questioned but that the
fruit got so heavy on it that it broke it
down.
An Alliance orator declared the other
evening to IA Sedgwick county township
that he would hold meetings nightly
thenceforward for three weeks He was
greatly pleased to see that the audience
lost no time IN raising purse to send him
east on a vacation next day.
A Sumner county farmer who was pillow
ing in his corntield yesterday, as it was
cloudy, slipped his cap over a cornstalk
and went on across the field bareheaded
When he came back on the next row the
top of the stalk with his hat had grown on
up out of reach and he had to go to the
house and get fishing-pole.
Just year ago Jerry Simpson was the
principal figure in an omen. The story is
new and is said to have actually happened
He was feeding a threshing machine on
his farm near Medicine Lodge when
dove circled in the air, and to the surprise
of his companions, alighted on Jerry's
shoulder. At the time somebody said that
he would fall heir to Il fortune Next
month he received the nomination for con-
gress. Jerry tells the story as of divine
augury himself The story would sound
more consistent if the dove had been q Jay
bird.