The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1891-05-27
School. Children and Their Answers

Though not exactly a Child. per
haps, q lad once appeared before
Bishop Wilberforce for confirmation
the bishop, feeling sure that he had
confirmed him before, bent over and
said, in lone tone, "My boy, I think
I have confirmed you before" The
lad opened his great wide eyes and re.
piled, "You be liar"
"What would have happered il
Henry ", Of France had not been
murdered ." asked a teacher of SHARP
looking boy. The prompt reply was,
"He would probably have died ma
tural DEATH"
In Sabbath school, "What did the
1sraelitics do when they came out oi
the Red Sea ?" drew forth the answer,
"They dried themselves" "Where
was Bishop Latimer burnedto death?'
was Immediately answered, SIN the
fire."
While youngsters appear'to get con.
siderably "miXed" in digesting their
historical information, their ideas of
geographical facts are also not FIRE.
quently, to say the least, original. A
young hopeful said that the surface ol
the earth consisted of land and water.
"What, !hen," asked the teacher, "do
land and water make?" "Mud," was
the instant rejoinder.
A volcano has been described as a
"large mountain with hole at the top
and fire place at the bottom )" and a
"bar is q piece of iron across river
mouth. IT prevents navigation, and
has to be cut through with o steam
edge"
FUNNY DEFINITIONS.
According to the Schoolmaster,
stability" was recently defined as be-
ing "the cleaning up of q stable;'; and
an answer to some question about in
surance had this passage: 1.-The money
is provided by the company to defray
the expenses Of tie birth of members
in pecuniary Distress" iii summer,
it seems, 1.-The day is longer owing to
expansion by the heat" and that sea-
son. itself is thus explained: "Once a
year we have the whole bright side of
the sun turned toward US. Then it is
summer. The sun is in the solstice
and stand still" !
"What comes next to man in the
scale Of being?" inquired an examiner.
"His shirt" was the reply. Asked to
give the distinction, if any, between a
fort and fortress, boy nicely defined
them: IA fort is place to put men
in, and fortress is place to put wo-
men in" On being asked what the
chief end of man was, another boy,
without any hesitation, said, "The end
what's got his head on."
A teacher asked a very juvenile class
which of them had ever seen mag
net. A sharp urchin at once said he
had seen lots of them. "Where ?" in
quired the teacher, surprised at his
proficiency. I'm the cheese"
Being asked what conscience was, o
boy replied, San inward monitor"
Asked what monitor meant, the
ready answer was, "An ironclad ves-
sell"
Another lad was asked what he un-
derstood by "celerity," and, "perhaps
from experience" says the contempo-
rary account, he described it as "some-
thing to put hot plates down with."'
The members Of girls class were
asked few questions. One was inter-
rogated as to what was meant by "bear-
ing false witness against your neigh
bor." "It was," said she, when no
body did nothing and somebody went
and told of it," Another was asked
how beef tea was made, and she re-
piled, "Buy tin of beef extract and
follow the directions on the lid"
"What was warmth producing
foods?n q third girl was asked. The
reply was, Cayenne pepper and jana
lea ginger"