davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
Rather a Strong Drausht.

Col Joskins was South Carolinian, says the
Aroondut, whose capacity in pints was greater
than his ability in dollars. For years he had
been in the daily habit of visiting the little viii
lage store, and OF going directly to the Jug that
held the whisky and drinking liberal portion
without tbs preliminary of pouring it into a
glass.
One day the sterekeepsr turned just In time
to see the colonel replacing the jug, from which
he had taken his customary draught. He grew
white and stiff, for the jugs had in some way
become displaced, and the one which the colonel
had calmly set back was the one which held the
village supply of sulphuric acid. The colonel
walked cut of the store withouta remark, and
the storekeeper waited in terror to hear the
news Of his horrible death None came and
the storeke eper marveled much.
But the next morning, at his usual hour, in
walked the colonel, rosy aud cheerful as usual
"Mornin' Jones, he said, as he made directly
FOR the jug, this new whisky Of yours has a
queer flavor, but Idon't object to it,"
Has 1t disagreed with you in any wsy9'' asked
the amazed Jones.
Disagreed with me2 Why, no. But there is
one peculiar thing I've noticed. Ever since l
drank 1t yesterday I've seemed TO blow holes in
my pocket andkerchief"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
BRIGHT BITS.

Have you read my last novel, my dear
''Osrtaiuly"
wen, aud how did you like III"
II laid the book down with the greatest salts
faction. DRY Goods Chroafcle.
DRysoN-well, Dock, I hear you opened q drug
store at DesMoines, La
Dector-Yes. and am making It pay, too My
receipts one day last week amounted to over
800. and that didn't include the rs cents worth
OF drugs sold. n-1AidgdrG Spray.
Mr.. HAsHEa--Im going to ask nv friend
jackson to come here to board. He is looking
Tor nice, quiet place. The poor fellow works
like a beaver.
Mrs. Hasher-well, don't want him here.
Beavers do all their work with their teeth, ~
RGrper's Bdsar.
HuRLY-What business are you IN now,
Burlg,
Burly-rm stock broker.
Hurly-They say there's good deal of money
Burly (dolefully)-weu, there is a good deal
OF my money. PUCK.
TEE REV. DR.. GooDMAN-I presume my dear
young lady. that you will attend our daily serv-
ices during Lenti You will find them of great
Dear Young Lady-Tn come after Easter.
doctor. l haven't time just now; I'm dress
maker, you know.-New York Recorder.
MARRIAGE is like flaming candle light
Placed in the window OF a summer night
10 come and SINCE there pretty winglets there
Those that are out butt hard against the pane ;
Those that are in but hard to got out again
Cape Cod Item,
MODERN GIRL--Father, long TO be indie
pendent-to rely upon my own exertions for
recommend?
Wise Father-First- class cooks make 5000 q
year.
Modern Grill don't like cooking. It's too
II a-If
SHE-Isn' it horrible about Mrs Tinsleyp
He-Yes; what could have induced her to
elope with her butlerf
She--That's the saddest part of it. She called
at her husbands ofhos and was told he had
gone TO the matinee with the new typewriter
That caused it all. And now IL turns out that
the typewriter was a man.-Epoch.
HIoKs-I wish 1 could make an after-dinner
speech. But it's no use I'm not equal TO it.
Wicks-Why, IT'S easy enough when you set
quite effective, II do say it.
Hicks-What was IL about?
Wicks-O, 1t wasn't very long. / remember
every WORD OF II say. waiter, you've given
this story OF yours" said the marazine
editor, lis about the matrimonial quarrels OF
an ili-assorted couple. You may have written
1t as a warning, but 1t will be looked upon by
many good people as an attempt to make light
OF the sacred marriage relation l can't use it, ~
So the young man wrote a beautiful story in
which his hero and heroine were married and
lived together for fifty years without the
slightest disagreement, and the same magazine
rejected 1t as too widely mprobable.-Chicaoo
Times.
Mr.. SLowCoAcH-Miss Mamie, I have come to.
night to ask you question which have long
had in my nlind to ask
Miss Mamie expectantly)-Indeeds why, 1
am sure il can answer any question shall be
very glad to do so.
Mr.. Slowcoach-Y Yes. I have long waited to ask
you something, but did not know whether you
would care to hear.
Miss Mame-You know. Mr.. Slowcoach that
l should be glad to hear whatever you might
say.
Mr. Siowcoach We'll, then. Mamie-that is
OF course, Miss Mamte-do you think look
better in stand-up or in q turn-down collarf-
Boston Courier.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
lNDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
MEETING - Palestine COmmandery No. Z,

MEETING - Palestine Commandery No. Z,
KIT.
SPECIAL NoT1oEs-Paints, T. c. Bryan; Soft
Coal. G. l. Taggart; Georgia Loan and Trust
Company; Cedar Chests, McDonough g. Co.;
Poor Labor, Townsend; Printing. The Robinson
Steam Printing Company; stationer, Printer
and Paper Dealer, Samuel Selig; Lots at Pooler.
@. B. Oliver Bros; Notice as to Special Rates by
Ocean Steamship Company; Notice 10 Stock
holders. Mutual Trading Company; The Georgia
State Building and Loan Association of Savan-
nah; Prospectus Chatham Consolidated Land
and improvement Company; as TO crew of Brit
ism steamship Eglantine Isn't 1t FUNNY The
Savannah Carriage and Wagon Company; Tin
ming, Etc, (. G. Pacetti; A Very Valuable Tract
of Land at Auction. by Sam X. Platshek; Tybee
Beach Company Lots for Sale, Rossignol, Real
Estate; Special Notice, Robt, d. LaRoche Auc-
tioneer; Empire Steam Laundry; Savannah
Steam Laundry; Announcement, Mutual Trad
ing Company; Breakfast Bacon, ETC., at Reily's;
Special Notice, salas & wylly; Special Notice,
salas & Eicoll; Dealers in Stocks. Bonds and
Real Estate, P. D. Daffin & Son.
AMUsEMESTs-Rice's Beautiful Evangeline at
Theater. March o. aud 10; Organ Concert Christ
Church Thursday and Friday, March and 6.
AUCTION SALEs-Groceries, Fixtures, Etc, by
r. D. LaRoche, Auctioneer; A Comfortable
Home, by Sam K. PIatshek.
A decentralization & Bates S. NJ. Il.
COFFEE AND TKA-J. S. Tyson, Jr & Co.
Stoves. CRATES, ETo.-James Douglass.
OPEEISG-D. Hogan.
POSITIVELY THE LARGEST AND FINEST SELEo-
TIoS-Eckstein & Co.
A SPRING GUH-B. n. Levy & Bro
STEAM Saw MILL ron SAIE-E 8. Hunting &
Co., Savannah, Ga.
MILLINERY MENrIoSIEes-At Altmayer's.
WEBsrER's ENCYCLOPEDIA OF UsEFuL INFoR-
nATIoE-Dryfus Bros.
Prices ARE CoN1Ks DowN--At the Globe
Shoe Store.
BLAZERS. Etc.-Jaoksou, Metzgsr & Co.
HUyLER's CoooA-None Better.
SPECIAL FOR THIS WEEK-C. Gray & Son.
DUsLAP's New SPRING SrYLEs-At LsFar's.
srEcIALTIKs-At Engei & Rothsohild's.
BRoKER-R NJ. Demera.
O-DAu I'D. B. Lester Grocery Company
Ir ATTRACTS ALL HANDs-The Famous"
You CAN Buy ANYTHING ON wHEELs-From
the Savannah Carriage and Wagon Company.
PARLoR AND bedroom suITs - McGinis &
Rustin.
CHEAP CoLUAR ADvERTrsRMKNrs-Help
Wanted: Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale; Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
Never Turnad q Hair.

Two Es3 went into q restaurant on Adami
street. yesterday, says the Chicago Tribune
and sat down at . table presided over by q
solep1. goomy looking functiopary In black.
One Of the two merely ordered mutton chops
e. S # re FAR: s'SsE s G0e down
nectId q few moments, and said:
'sBffrs ms bunch o. tootbpicks."
1 Yea sah."
They we're brought. and the solemn waiter
toQe az his elbow, looking on into vacancy
| WHINE tbs man picked his teeth.
Another careful inspection Of the bill of fare
resulted II the order:
1 Bring me some ice cream"
| The ice cream was brought and disposed OF In
! leisurely way, the bill of fare was examined
again from the top to the bottom, laid down as
before aud cogitated upon, and order for
lemon pie was given to the solemn waiter.
| The pie was brought and eaten in the same
calm. methodical way, the bill Of fare studied
sliced eucumbsrs.
The imperturbable waiter stood respectfully
| By while these were slowly devoured-
| You may bring me some roast beef and
brown potatoes" announced the guest, after
another prolonged study OF the bill Of fare.
Yes, sab"
These were brought and laid before him. and
| he ate them with great elaboration, after
which the bill Of fare was subjected to another
scrutiny.
Some bread and butter, if you please"
While the bread and butter were being
slowly absorbed the melancholy waiter stood
| motiOnless. looking of into vacancy as before
| II think I'll take bowl of tomato SOUP ="
said the guest, after another exhaustive perusal
Of the printed slip.
| YES, gah.'
The waiter brought the soup and stood like
statue Of gloom until it was disposed of.
Once more the bill Of fare was brought into
| requistion.
NOW bring me half q dozen blue points on
| the half she'll"
Eyes, sah"
Hold onl You needn't do it." exclaimed the
guest Il give it up. My friend here offered to
bet me that there was a waiter at this restau-
| rant that Wouldn't bat his eye il should eat
square meal wrong end foremost, and took
him up. I'm out s., but I've learned some
| thing"
YES sab, remarked the funereal waiter, and
as the two guests picked up their checks and
ade their way to the cashiers desk he stood
erect with folded arms, looking solemnly away
into the fathomIess depths of SPACE
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
How She Conquered the Duke.

Tho death is announced of the Duchess of
Malakotf AS girl she was the intimate friend
of the Empress Eugenie-in fact, the empress
and she were, as we recollect, near akin. Walk
ing in the garden Of the palace one day, who
should heave in sight but Marshal Malakoff.
VIGOROUSLY the toughest and rudest man in
all the French service.
"Oughl there is that bear againl" quoth The
empress, with a shudder of genuine horror: but
her young companion said nothing
The marshal, approaching and bowling to the
ladies, besought the younger one to honor him
with the rose she had just plucked,
Certainly, will give it to you" answered
the girl, sweetly: but how can a rose please
you, who live only for laurels?'
This answer completely staggered the mar.
shal; in another moment he was hopelessly and
wildly in love with that girl, and IL is to his
credit that he prosecuted the campaign so dill.
gently that year later the beautiful young
creature became his wife. Speaking Of the epi,
sode in the garden, MalakoH used to say: II
thought was hard to conquer but in that case.
parbleui / surrendered at the very first firslm
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
What is an AristocratP

What is an aristocrat? The question is not
easy to answer. But the following converse
ton between two London street arabs, re-
ported in the Pail Mall Budget, Is suggestive
of solution:
Scene-The outside Of grocer's window.
First Boy-Whst's them green things in a
bother
Second Boy-olves. Can't you see it's wrote
on the label?
First Boy-WelL what's olives?
Second Bay-Ol things what the aristocracy
eat,
First Boy-And what's the aristocracyY
Second Boy-Whyi Them folks what eats
anything.
Whether II be true that your true. bred lord.
like your true-bred pag, will eat anything" is
question that cannot be decided without care
full cross examination Of both parties But it is
certainly fact that relatively to the diet Of the
poor the diet Of the welk-to-do is enormously
vsttsd. Nine tenths Of the cheap and whole.
SEINE side foeds that appetite the bin Of fare
or the Pfddle class household would be
looked onby the poor as foreign and unholy
intentions,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
Beoistersd at the P0stofios in Savannah

=
The NoRSIsa NEws Is published every day In
The year and is served 10 subscribers IN the cry
at Is cents q week 81 % a month, 30 I" ior SIX
months and $40 90 for one year.
The MORNING NEWS, by mail, one month,
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one year. SO 90.
The MoRN1NG NEWS, by mail, six times week
(without Sunday issueA, three months, ~ w
six months, 81 90; one year, s. 90,
The MoRSINs NEWS, Tri-Weekly, Mondays.
Wednesdays and Fridays, or Tuesdays Thurs
days and Saturdays three months, 81 IS six
months 50 80; one year, $ 90
The SUNDAY NEWS, By mail, one year, 50 90.
The WEEKLY News, bv mail one year u y.
Subscriptions payable in advance. Remit by
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rency sent BY mail at risk OF senders
Letters and kilograms should be addressed
MORNING NEWS" Savannah, Ga
Transient advertisements, other than special
column, local or reading notices, amuse-
ments aud cheap or want column, 10 cents a
line Fourteen lines OF agate type-equal TO
one inch space in depths the standard OF
measurement. Contract rates and discounts
made known on application at business office.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
"Rnduranee."

How much the heart may bear and yet no,
break,
How much the flesh may suffer, yet not die.
Question much X any pain or ache
or soul and body brings cur end more nigh;
Death chooses his own end; till that be sworn
All evil may be borne.
We shrink and shudder at the surgeons knife
Each nerve recoilnE from the cruel steel,
life,
Yet to our sense the bitter pang reveals
That still, although the trembling flesh be torn,
This also may be borne
We see sorrow rising on our way,
And try to Zee from the approaching Ill;
We seek some small escape We weep and pray:
But when the blow falls, then our hearts are
still;
Not that the pain is of its sharpness shorn,
But shat 20 can be bofne.
We wind our life about another life;
We hold it closer, dearer than our own;
Anon it faints and falls In deadly strife,
Leaving us stunned and strickened and alone:
But. ali! We cAnaot die with those we mourn.
This also can be borne.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
The am Bulkelev affair.

Gov. Hill has suddenly become more
prominent in the Connecticut political mud
| die than Mr.. Bulkeley, the usurping gov
ernor of that state. Many condemn, but
more approve, Gov. Hills refusal to honor
Bulkeley's requisition for a Connecticut
criminal under arrest in New York. About
everybody, however, regards as childish
Bulkeleys letter to Gov. Hill, in which he
tells the New York governor that as he
seems so anxious to keep Connecticut Grim
inals he will send him all there are in the
prisons Of the state
The fact is that Buckley is a mighty
small man. Judging from what he has
said and done since the present political
complications in Connecticut began, he is
wholly unfit for any position requiring
statesmanlike qualities.
OF course all the republican papers are
condemning Gov. Hi for refusing to rec
ognizs Bulkeley as governor. 1t is natural
they should. Their party is trying to steal
| the state offices 1t has a record for that
kind of business. These republican papers
say that under the constitution of the state
Buckley must hold on to the Office of gov
| qualified. That is true. But has
not his successor been elected and
has he not qualified He certainly has.
Judge Luzon B. Morris, the democratic
candidate for governor, had clear major
| ity over all the other candidates and he has
taken the oath of Office. He is prevented
from taking possession of his Office By
| Buckley.
Under the circumstances Gov. Hill did
right In refusing to recognize a requisite on
from Buckley. The attempt of his politi-
cal enemies to make it appear that by re :
fusing to honor the requisition he played
the part of a denogogue will not be success
| full. The common sense and the sense of
justice of all right thinking people sustain
| him.
The charge that he is trying to make him.
self popular with the democracy of Couuec-
ticut is too silly 20 require serious attention.
IL is quite safe to say that he had no thought
whatever of the effect his action would have
He did what seemed to HIM TO be be right,
and there is no good reason for doubling
that what he did was right
And Gov. Hills action suggested way
for settlement of the political trouble
which may be adopted. This way is an ap-
peal to the courts, based upon refusal to
honor Bulkeleys acquisitions. 1t is noa
easy to see how the trouble can be settled
in any Other way. Neither party will re-
tire from the position 1t has taken. That
being the case there must be a resort to
either arbitration or the courts
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
Bad Advica

At the beginning OF the present cotton
season the farmers were told by some OF
their self-constituted advisers to hold their
cotton. II we are not mistaken these ad-
visers-at least some Of them-were Lead
ers ia the farmers alliance. They declared
that II the farmers would dispose Of only so
much OF their cotton es would enable them
70 meet their most pressing necessities aud
store the rest. they could control the market
and command their own prices for cotton.
A good many farmers acted upon this ad
vice, notwithstanding the fact that their
factors told them that it would be better for
them to sell their cotton as soon as possible.
They wish now that they had paid more at
tention to what their factors said.
Tho prices Of cotton are remarkably low.
Seldom have they been so low, and the pros
poets that they will be much higher are not
promising. The crop is a very large one
thought it would be. Already Savannah
has received more cotton than during the
whole of last season. There is every reason
to think that her receipts will reach 1,0O0,-
900 bales by the end of the first week in
April At the beginning Of the season her
cotton men did not feel certain of receiving
that many bales during the entire season.
But what have those men to say who
advised farmers TO hold their cottoni
They thought, doubtless. that they we're
giving them good advice. If they
had cared more for the interests Of the
farmers, however, and less for getting a
little cheap notoriety. they would have
doubted whether they were capable of ad-
vising the farmers in so important matter.
They would have seen that they were as
likely TO lead them in the wrong as in the
right direction, aud they would have hesi-
tated to urge them to adopt a course that
might cause them financial loss.
The men who handle the cotton crop in
the final markets have a pretty fair idea of
the size of the crop very soon after the
season opens. They know, also, about what
the consumption will be for the coming year.
Such knowledge tends to fix prices, and the
holding back of cotton would not affect
prices a great deal The knowledge that the
cotton was in the country and would find its
way to market during the season, would
counteract any influence upon prices that
an artificial scarcity might exert.
1t is probable that in future farmers will
pay more attention to what their factors
say relative to the time OF selling cotton
than to what those say who, thinking they
have more than their share of wisdom, are
t4rusting upon the farmers I'M
ought advice.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01

When man feels fierce and bloodthirsty
enough to deliberately shoot down another,
as the Ohio editors did the other day, he
Ought at least TO be able to command enough
courage to stand in front of
his opponent in a manly way and
not conceal himself behind young lady
in such manner as as to imperil her life.
Nothing more cowardly has been heard Of
since the extraordinary pusillanimity devel-
oped by the Seawanaka disaster was made
known. Even the terrifying horrors of
that familiar ''relic of barbarismn that SO
cruelty alarms some Of the more pacific Of
censorious editors has never been known to
bring about anything half SO unmitigatedly
discreditable.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
An Interesting Cass.

An interesting question is pending before
the surrogate In New York city, and it is all
the more interesting in this locality, be-
cause case exactly like it is pending in the
superior court of Wayne county, in this
state.
The facts in the New York case are these:
A sailor killed his wife in quarrel She
had about 81 600 at the time of her death.
He applied for letters of administration,
which were granted him. He failed to
qualify as administrator, however, because
he could find no bondsmen. But while he
was seeking bondsmen he was convicted of
manslaughter and sentenced to the peniten-
tiary for twenty years. Before being sem
fenced he assigned his claims to his wife's
estate to the lawyers who defended him.
woman named Catharine Griffin is now
asking that she be made administrator of
the estate. She claims the estate on the
ground that she was relative Of the dead
woman. And she alleges that the husband
cannot vest himself of his dead wife's prop
erty by his crime The surrogate has the
question under advisement.
In the Wayne county case, a husband
killed his wife, who had considerable prop
erty. He is now trying to get possession of
the property. The point has been made
against him, just as it is being made against
the New York criminal, that he cannot
profit by his own crime.
There have been several cases in which
che point in question was involved, and
while there is some conflict in the decisions
the better opinion seems to be that crimi-
nal cannot inherit from one whose death he
willfully caused.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
Worst KIND of a Nightmare.

A negro had gone asleep in the sun on the
platform of a railway station in South Carolina
says the Free Press, and some Of the boys put
up job to have some fun with him. A bag Of
shslled corn was laid across bis knees, a second
on ms stomach and a third on his head. AS the
weight didn't waken him, another bag was
placed ON his stomach, making about $40 pounds
resting there He snored away for three min
utes, grew uneasy, began TO mutter and at the
end OF five minutes threw the SACKS off and sat
up and looked around in dazed way
Anything wrong, Rubei" cried one of the
iokers.
"Fo' de Lawd, sab, but rze had de worstest
dream dat l eber drempti Tze all In cold
bloodw
What was it!"
"Drempt dat had SIGH sore froat couldn't
svatlsr, an de ole woman brought hum two
chickens, some ysms an q 'possum, an dun
coeked sh eat de hull outfit wild me sittin' right
gar an not able to open my fnoufi Lawd, save
me, but didn't suffer when saw de las of dem
chickens gwine down her ole frOatr'
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01

The MORNING news is on file at the following
places. where Advertising Rates and other in
formation regarding the paper can be obtained:
NEW YORK CITY
j. H. BATES, 3S Park Row.
G. P. RowELL g. Co, 10 Spruce street.
W w SHA & Co, q Park Row.
FRANK HERMAN & Co., l52 Broadway.
DAUcHY & Co, q Park Place.
w. THOMPSON, SO Park Row.
American NEWSPAPER PUBLISHERS ASSOCIATION,
Potter Building.
PHILADELPHIA
N. W. AVER 4 Son, Times Building.
BOSTON
s. r. NILES, 256 Washington street.
PErTESGILL & Co.. 10 State street.
CHICAGO
LORD & THOMAS, IS Randolph street.
G NCINNATI-
Edwin ALDEN COMPANY, Sc West Fourth street
NEW HAVEN
TIE H. p HUBBARD COMPANY, % Elm street.
ST LOUIS
Nelson CHEsMAx & Co., 11g7 Pine street.
ATLANTA
MoRN1NG NEWS BUREAU, SIx whitehall street.
MACON
DAILY TELEGRAPH OFFICE, t97 Mulb cry street
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01

As it goes it'sagay and animated fight be-
tween President Harrison and the Pennsyl-
vania senator's. Every now and every then
the doughty and duck-legged executive gets
in a small but decidedly hearty thrust at the
veterans, who, like "Brer Rabbit, lay low"
Just wait till Mr.. Harrison goes after an
important senatorial confirmation or other
favor. or gets to hustling for a renomina-
ton. Then they'll spring out from the
roadside and yank out their keen and trusty
cheese knives and rip him up the back so
neatly and expeditiously that he'll hardly
know which one of the boys he is.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01

Few people will be greatly surprised to
learn that Anna Dickinson is now so VIC
lently insane that her friends and relatives
find it necessary to place her under restraint.
For years her conduct has been so erratic
as to render perfectly reasonable the by
pothesis that her mental faculties were
somewhat deranged. While her abilities
will be readily conceded, with all due de-
ference, her faculties cannot be said TO have
shown a perfect balance since she essayed
masculine Shaksspearean roles and failed
some years ago.