Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-01-16

i ne hAl oll wear lNEtAtF now Is uNuts
And so cheer, with all nv might and main
Hurrah for g0-that Is, 81.
-Hdrper's Ba-dr.
Better a dinner OF herbs, if you lik,
them, than stalled OK, if you hat,
beef.-BoStOHiO
An honest man pays up. The Other
kind has to pay down. Birmingldn
Leader.
A fast man, like fast horse, is Away:
trying to lower his -Birmi'igtdn
Republican.
The water at st. Joseph is becoming
so degenerated that there is a general
howl for a milk inSpector.-Kdnsds Cug
star.
The man who winks at Kansas drug
clerk can get what he wants in the twink
ling OF an eye.-IHdidRdpOlis Journal.
Wife-"Did you go to prayer meeting
last night?" Husband-"Yes." Wife
How did you come out?'-Chicdgo
Tribune.
Accounting Trustee-"Figures can't
lie, you know, sir" Disappointed Bene-
ficiary but liars can figure
TcrdS SGtinJS.
80 your wife has left you?'' 'She
has" "What were her last words on
leaving yOu?" SIS my hat on straight?'
Cape Cod ITEM.
Get acquainted gradually; if you ex-
pect to borrow s. from new acquaint-
ance tomorrow, ask him for - to-day.
-MillrHhec Sentinel.
Some men receive impressions after
the manner of blo;ter. They get
things directly opposite from what they
were originally Boston Transcript.
Il thought Ethel was TO be married
quietly" "She wanted To be but the
plan was changed to please her grand
father. He is very deaf you know. y
NciC York sun.
Mrs. Sansome-'I thought sent you
out to the barn to hunt eggs I'm
Hung (the Chinese servant Hens no
layee. Bling in nleSt. Makee belly
good sloup. "-JuiJe.
"You should marry Henrietta Robin
son. Porper. She has $4,000 4 year.
YES. know; but l need that much for
myself What the deuce would she live
on?"-HWpcr'S Bdzdr
Did you 90 to the water-cOlor exhi-
bition, Mrs. Spriggins?" Yes, and it
was ridiculous. never saw water the
color of some of them there paintin's. -
-Holpel'S Bazn.
WattS-What church does Podberry
belong TOP" Potts-"He is Seventh
Day MethodieSt-" Watts Seventh
Day MethodiSt?" PottS-"YeS. The
rest OF the week he's business man. -
indianapolis Journal.
You told me falshood last night,
Ethel" said Ethel's father. Il asked
you if Charley Hicks had gone and you
said yes" NO you didn't. You asked,
Is that young man gone yet" lie was
-awfully gonc.-Nc,C YORK. sun.
Mrs. Hire ito applicant for cooks
placel-"But how am | to know that
YOU have had experience? Have you any
recommendations Cook producing II
paper Experience is it? LUX at that;
mum: its list of the crockery ! have
broke in the last twclyemOnth.-BoSton
Transcript
Mrs. Bullion-'I bought to-day gen
uine Partisan work of art" Mrs. Bills
doo-"One of Detaille's paintings"
Mrs. Bullion-"No. A bust of some
young woman named Hebe. The dealer
assured me it is real plaster Of paris. v
JelcolcrS' Weekly.
Mr.. Pettish-'1'm afraid you won't
do. As nearly aS l can find out You
have worked in six or eight places dur
ing the past year" Miss Mary Ma
honev-"Huh, And how minny gir-r-ls
has youreself had in the same tonne?
No liss, I'm t'inkin'."-Puck.
At the Choral Concert-Mr N
"Wbat's this-another solo? Miss c.
yes; do you prefer the choruses?' Mr..
N.-"Wen. don't see the use in drib-
bling the music out to use in solos and
duos and trios and quartetS, when they
can lust as well let 'em all sing together
and get through with it.-LUe.