The Opelousas courier., 1891-05-16
A TERM.

A COMPREHENSIVE TERM.
Small Boy-ssWhat is an egotist?"
Big Man-'sOne who talks about him
while you are aching to talk about
yourself. Puck.
AND LAsnINes OF IT.
81 should think poor Peckt would be
mad to find himself tied for life to such
4 virago."
eyes, he's dashed to a perfect Fury"
ENFORCED ABSTINENCE.
"Do you play the banjo?"
"Not when there are any people
around"
"Why not3"
"They won't let me-"
APPEALED TO HIS sELFIsHNEss.
Mrs. Cobwigger-"However did you
induce your husband to get tina t nee
motor to run your machines"
Mrs. Younghusband-sI told him il
would rock the cradle as well. "-Epoch.
ECONOMY IN HIGH LIFE.
Mrs. Forundred-"We must retrencl
On our expenses this year, my dear"
Mr.. Forundred-'tVery well; I'll be-
gin by telling my friends that my $500
Russian poodle only cost $3.50. "-Epoeh.
THE WORK OF TINES SICKLE.
"Ughl" said the Indian, in disgust.
"What's the matter, Swallow-tail?"
the agent.
"Big Injun chase white man fou
Want scalp. Catch white man.
Ughl white man ald."-Basar.
ONE OR THE OTHER.
Cleverton-"Not long ago I made an
agreement with a friend to exercise an
hour a day for a year at the gymnasium.
I'll be hanged if it wasn't destroyed by
IRE last night"
Dashaway-"Ah-hal Which one o
you burned it?'-Judge. !
A MODERN IMPROVEMENT.
Elbows this, Dauber9 You've painted
Father Time with a moving machine in.
stead of a scythe2"
"That's all right. We artists of the
modern school keep up with inventive
progress "-Nunsey's Week1y.
QUESTIONABLE POLISH.
Warden-ssOne prisoner we received
o-day is said by the inspector to be an
I'D offender; yet he seems to be a pol |
shed gentleman"
Turnkey-!esI know him well; he has
,een ironed enough times to account fol-
lis polish"
TAEIR aoDFArHERs TO BLAME.
"There is one thing T don't like aboul
he attaches of the Russian legation
omething / don't think is consistent
With good breeding"
HWha is that2"
"They are forever calling one another
ard names. Kate Fields Washington.
WHAT HUNGER CAN DO.
Mrs. Observation-Disclosures was a
'oliceman in the kitchen, counting our
Igly old cook"
Mr.. Observation-Disclosures Why,
he is sixty years old, and as ugly as {
razy quilt. Well, that policeman must
ave been hungry for a fact. "-Term
fittings.
NOMENCLATURE ONLY AT FAULT.
Husband Gust marriedl-''You wan
) know what I like best? OF all things
like liyes dumplings, sauer-kraut and
lood pudding"
Wife-t'Oh, for shame, Adolphl So
rosaic and common
ssCan I help it if such diyine-tas ting
rings have prosaic names2p-FGegende
auettef'.
A PURELY BUSINESS MOTIVE.
Mr.. Lozier Hope-ssMay I--may l.
,eak to your father, Miss Colea"
Miss Vera Cole-ssIt is useless, Mr..
a never be your wife,
Mr.. Lozier Hope-tExcuse me- wish
speak to him about that fifteen dollars
3 borrowed of me week before last.
getting a little nervous about it,
uck.
THE SARCASTIC CONDUCTOR.
tsI1a have to ask fare for him, ma'am,'
id the conductor as he went through
&c railway train.
sThat little fellow2"
.Yes'm.a
aWhy, he is in his childhood, sir"
lis he2" inquired the conductor,
First or second, m a'amY
: Washington Tost.
KNEW HIS CAPACITY.
Hicks-aSorry haven't any time te
you to-day. I'm in an awful
lrry.n
Wicks-a0h I am not going to keep
long. I only want to tell you what
Hicks-ssTell me what you think2s
d, If that's all, go ahead. I've time