The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-06-11
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Its q mighty cowardly alan who
hasn't the courage to advise another
with the toothache to have IL yanked
out.-Boston Transcript.
The day is at hand when II will be
an open question as to which is taking
the other to the circus, Johnny or his
father. -Washington Post.
Tile is very dear friend of yours.
isn't hep" YES, borrows ten dollars
regularly every week. "--Drake's Maya
zine.
-"Debit!' is word probably in
vented by some disappointed creditor
| with a cold in his head, who meant to
say something else.
Mrs Small, this coffee won't set
tle," complained McWatty to his board
ing-house keeper. "Then it is in good
company, Mr.. McWatty,' replied Mrs.
Small, frigidly.
-''Grayfellow seems to be greatly
changed" slow so?" Formerly
when | saw him out walking he was al
ways in the company of some young
woman; now he is always alone" 80,
he is married now, you KNOWN. Y.
Press.
Making Him Ashamed 'If-if You
only knew what the bill was for"
sotbed the young wife. "you would b-be
ashamed to scold so about it." what
was it for?- demanded John. MY
birthday present for you," said the lit
tie wife. IN. Y. Sun.
-Wife-'Do you suppose the Creator
1oc os,11o la
best comes last?' Husband-''Of course
not He did it because he didn't want
everything talked about and pulled to
pieces and made over. "-Washington
Star.
In the spring a man always thinks
1t is cheaper to buy lawn-mower and
trim all his lawns himself. In the heat
of July he always knows it is cheaper
to hire laborer to do the job-but he
can't persuade his wifc.-Somervill
Journal
A Good Rulc.-Rosenbcrg Senior
"Simon. my poy, now that are going
into pizness for yourself let me gif you
von good rule to follow" Rosenberg
Junior.-"vell, fader." Scnior.--"Its
dis: II your customers don't see vat
dey want, make dem want vat dey see."
Yankee Blade
Women are free in their gifts OF love,
OF presents OF different kind,
But does giving her husband q piece OF Il
She's rich, too. in presence Of minds
Philadelphia Times
Some Musical instruments.
''The most wonderful organ ever saw
was the property of private gentle
man. 1t had nearly hundred stops"
Richard-'The most wonderful organ I
ever saw was the property of widow.
1t was her tongue, and it had no stops
| Mt all"
Woman never swears, but when a
man steps on the hem of her dress and
ruins couple of yards Of expensive
| trimming, the thoughts which pass
through her mind afford the devil as
much amusement as though she had let
out a string of oaths mile and half
long.-N. Y. Herald.
Ezra said Farmer Begosh to his
son. II want We to go to town to-day"
Eyes, SIR" 'You go to the store and
buy me a couple of gallons of milk, a
few dozen eggs, six loaves of bread, and
put an advertisement in the newspaper
tellin' people we kin give 'em country
board. '-Washington Post.
In the Wardrobe MY hat. plcase?"
| "Ifere, SIR" THAT isn't mine" "Ex-
cuse me. Here it is" That isn't it,
either" This one them No? What
| kind of a hat was it," "A new one
with white silk lining" "What! A
new hat--at nine o'clock! ask your
| pardon, but here all the new hats al
ways go away before eight "-Fliegende
| Blatter