The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-12-11
VARIETIES,

-"Do you warrant this bicycle to be gen
tle~ "Idon't understand you sir" 81 want
to know about its habits The last bicycle
had not only threw me, but whirled about as
l struck the ground and jumped all over me"
-"The privileges you enjoy, my son, from
being an American" said the proud father,
"are simply inestimable. You may some
day become President of the United States,
while in England no little boy, however bril-
liant or good, can ever become queen"
-"What kind of seeds ought to plant,
Uncle 81, TO get good squash crop?"
Squash. O. course. What did yer suppose
| lilocks ?"
| True peace consists only in the posses
sion of God, and the possession of God here
| below is only to be found in submission to
! the faith and in obedience to the law.
-Hownow-"What have you been doing?
You look trife light-headed." Jagley-S'
think might; just been where there was the
greatest lot of corks you ever saw"
"A young lady having read very long
paper at a missionary meeting, showing the
triumphs of the Gospel, the minister gave out
the hymn, beginning, "Hallelujab, tits done"
He wondered why everybody smiled.
Most people think rumor is like SUBJ
scription list. Every time it comes to them
they add something to it and pass it along to
the next.
1t is true that Yankees look out for their
dollars, but it is also true that Englishmen
have to keep close watch on the sovereigns.
Distressed young mother, travelling with
weeping infant-"Dear dear, / don't know
what to do with this baby" Kind and
thoughtful bachelor in next seat-"Madam,
shall 1 open the window for you ?'
Doctor" said Mrs. Worrit, sis it really
true that many people are buried alive?"
"None of my patients ever are" replied Dr.
Graves.
handed merchant, upon whom he had call
ed, portrait of his betrothed instead of his
business card, saying he represented that es-
Enlistment. The merchant examined it
carefully, remarked that it was fine estab.
lishment, and returned it to the astonished
and blushing traveller, saying: 81 hope you
will soon be admitted into partnership"
"A good story is told of a wedding in q
Methodist church wbereat prominent d.
vine who was to off1ciste, finding himself
and congregation considerably in advance of
the bridal party, finally asked that somebody
should strike up hymn to improve lifetime.
A good brother started of, just as the bridal
party entered the church, with the hymn be-
ginning-"C on. my partners in distress"
"A clergyman in England, in an earnest
address to his parishioneIs advocating the es-
adjustment of cemetery, asked them to
consider the "deplorable condition of thirty
thousand Englishmen living without Chris
tian burial" This suggests another clerical
slip. when do you expect to see Deacon
Smith again 7" gentleman asked a clergy
man. "Never," replied the reverend gentle
man solemnly, "the Deacon is in heaven"
II knew an Irishman in Amesbury," Mr..
Whittier said, his eyes twinkling at the re-
MI m hron aWh IN W. mr.
to social equality for the negro. said 10
him: "But there are many Catholic negroes
in Brazil, the West Indies and other places
Thy church accounts of them as it does of
thee. And theell have to come to it in Heav-
en-. Thee III have to meet the negro there on
equal terms" thought that had silenced
him with unanswerable argument. He sat
musing for moment, then looking up at me,
And can't the Lord make them white In
Heaven, Mr.. Whittier P" ......5
They say Sicilian drum-major, during
the French occupation of Palermo, was SEN
tened to be shot. He was a well-known
coward, and it was feared he would disgrace
his country at the last moment in the pre-
sence of the French soldiers, who had way
of being shot with good grace and light
heart; they had grown accustomed to II.
For the honor of Sicily his confessor told
him, in the strictest confidence, that his sem
tence was a mock one, and that he would be
fired at with blank cartridges.
1t was pious fraud. All hut two of the
twelve cartridges had bullets, and he fell
rddled through and through. No French
man ever died with lighter heart, better
grace. He was superb and the national hon.
or was saved.
Thrice happy Sicilian drum-major, if the
story be true. That trust in blank cartridges
was his Paradise-Pster Ibbetson.