The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1891-03-05
MISCELLANEOUS.

Up the Spout. - Wiggsy "That
looks like new overcoat, aren't you
going to wet it?" Biggsy-''Wet it?
Great Heavens, it's been in soak since
last spring. g."-Brooklyn Eagle.
"A young gentleman of Lagrange,
Ga, upon going to theater for the
first time and seeing a pistol fired at a
woman, who pretended to be hurt, was
shocked to such an extent that he had
to remain in his room all the next day.
The Customer Noticed 1t, Too
"Every thing acts as if it were crazy
this morning. remarked perplexed
Chicago grocer, fretfully. "Yes," added
a customer, II notice that your eggs
and wheat are both cracked somewhat"
-InterOcean.
Entirely Satisfactory. - Spriggins
"Last week l heard that you and Wig
gins were at swords points on account
of something he said about you. Now,
see you are good friends again. Has
he recanted?" Biggirs-'N-o. but he
invited me into his house, apc decanted-"
Good News.
! The Better Weapon. - Every 'front.'
Ter fighter says he would rather have
knife than revolver for weapon at
close range, and North Carolina wo-
man has proven that an axe is better
than a shotgun in a row. She was op-
posed to man thus armed, and she
killed him before he could fire.-Detroit
Free Press
"A broker in Boston has bought
box of cigars regularly every month Tor
the man in the Office on the floor above
him. His reason is that the man could
leave the water running in his wash
basin and thereby flood the room below.
The one above probably accepts the
cigars on the ground that the one below
could start a snudge and smoke him
out.-Detroit Free Press.
AT a recent shooting contest be-
tween ladies two of the competitors
tied and were to shoot off the tie with
three shots. When the three shots had
been fred the end was no nearer, for
each lady had made three bulls-eyes. 1t
became then a case Of shot for shot, and
such was the precision of the competi-
tors that each made no less than sixteen
bull 's-eyes.
-Heiress-"And are you sure you
are marrying me for myself alone?"
Binks-'Can you asl1?" Heiress-"My
wealth counts nothing to you?" Binks
1 -''Nothing" HeireSs-"Then we can
be all in all to each other l have just
given the whole of my million to the
Homo for Paupcr Lunatics." (Whither
Binks was taken shortly afterward. y
The BostOnian.
"a sentimental French baron sleeps
every night upon pillow filled with
the hair of all the most lovely women
! in the world. He has paid as much as
five francs for single hair, to insure
himself against the fearful calamity OF
! having a hair from the head of plain
girl creep into the collection. 1t must
be dreams of air women that come
each night to the gallant nobleman.
"A New York editor who wrote an
obituary notice of a man of some celeb
| rity said: ''IIe began life as legal
practitioner. but was diverted from it
by love of letters He did not see the
printers proof, and was confronted the
next morning with this-''He began life
as a legal politician, but was diverted
from it by love Of bitters. ."-Demerara
Argus.
"A negro in Chattanooga, who had
killed very large rat, was persuaded
that it was great dclicacy with the
Chinese and they would buy it. He took
! it to a laundryman and he barely es-
capped with h S life. The Chinaman
threw fatirons and every thing throwa-
| Oh ha f,-irr
negro and chased him several blocks up
the street.
One of the most ingenious toys that
have made their appearance this year is
/ Japanese creation. 1t is a paper af-
fair in the form of a great butterfly,
and one gives it momentum by a string
exactly as one ''StartS' a musical top
only, instead of spinning around on the
floor like the top, this affair flies to the
ceiling and buzzes about it at great
rate until it's force is expended.
He Solved It.-A Michigan farmer
who drove to town on certain days of
the week always arrived at a railway
crossing the same time an express train
did. For three years he debated as to
who had the right of way. and to settle
it he started to drive across the other
day and next moment found himself in
an old corntield with a broken leg,
while horses were dead and wagon
smashed. d.-Dctroit Free Press.
The unusual sight of a man with
three full-stzed arms and hands may be
daily seen upon the streets of Marbette,
B. c. He is a Russian by birth, and first
came to American in 1877 as an attache
of the Greek church at Sitka, Alaska,
where he resided about 1884. He is a
large, powerfully built man, but seems
to have no control of this extra bodily
member, which hangs down his back
from point almost exactly between
his shoulders, and rolls from side to
side in an unsightly manner, as though
paralyzcd. Besides being well equipped
in the way of arms, he has a set of
teeth that are double all the way around.
There is a wonderful spring in Her
nando County, Florida, from which
rises the stream known as the Weko-
wechee river, the waters of which will
float small steamer. The spring is
about eighty feet deep and sixty feet in
diameter Chemists who have analyzed
the water say that there is not trace
of organic matter in it's composition,
and that it is the most pure and fresh of
any spring in America The steamer
which makes regular trips up and down
the Wekowechee is often foated into
the cavity of the spring, but can net be
made to stay in the center, as the force