Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-04-10
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
,rd to .beat-Your way.

HUmUIG OE lhE DA1s
Hard to beat-Your way.
Manual labor-Compiling a textbook.
Ringing words-"Will you marry
me9"
Lithographer-"What color will you
have your bill heads2" Merchant
''Dun color. ."-Bufalo Express.
''That man has wonderful memory"
"How does he show it?" s'He never
leaves his rubbers in restaurant"
"It's all very we'll to talk of writing
for posterity," sighed the poet; "but
posterity isn't editing any magazines"
The Boston maid refused his hand
Because he knocked, and she
Inquired, 'Who is knocking?" and
He answered. ut is me-"
Judge.
Belle-s'Now, isn't that too bad !! I de-
clare, it's enough to provoke saint"
Nell (maliciously)- do you
know2"-Someroill Journal.
''Did the grocers make anything on
sugar2" asked Lamkin. eyes" said
Broker Margin, ssthose who bad any
sand did. ."-Boston Commercial Bcttetan.
"To what do you attribute your
longevity" asked the Investigator of
centenarian. 'sTo the fact that | never
died." was the conclusive reply Basar.
Husband during spat)-"You had
better shut your molsth ( the fool-killer
is around" Wife---.,I ,ton't care; you've
got your life insured. "---Men's Outftter.
rather like to break a bill
Pm generous, you see.
But OH l take it very i'll
Wiener i bill breaks me.
Chicago Netcs.
There is an aEtidote to every poison,
excepting the poison of malicious gos-
sip. The only remedy against that is
to poison the gossiper. .-S0mer0llSe Jour-
nal.
Miss A.---"Who is that dignified gen.
tleman we Just passed" Mr.. B.---"One
of the profs." Miss A.-"What made
you cut himg" Mr.. B.--."Force of
habit. ~ Yale Record.
Garrulous Stranger on Train-"My
wifes name was Wood. What was
yours9" Crusty Old Bachelor-"I guess
mines name was wouldn't didn't
get her. y Washington Star.
Bridget-"Is it the feller she's tryin'
to make think she's rich that's in the
parlor2" Thomas-'Naw it's the fell
Ter she's tryin' to make think she's
young. "-Munsey's Weekly.
1--WE live in penitential zeal
| Our whole lives through" exclaimed the
seal,
''For in our covering of hair
| A sort of sacQue-cloth do we wear :"
Washington Post.
Peddler-''Do buy these eyeglasses;
sir! They're as strong as iron and you
can't break them. Why, I've been
thrown to-day out of three houses, and
not single glass was smashed. y
Fliegende Blaetter.
A vegetarian chased by bull
Escaped; then thus enraged, to him did
say:
SIS this your gratitude you great big fool?
| From this ON I'll eat beef three times q
dayn
Judge.
Aunt Rachel-"Yes, I like him we'll
enough, Jerusha; but how did you ever
happen to marry man head shorter
than you area" Niece-"I had to
choose, aunsie, between little man
with a big salary and a big man with a
little salary. - Chicago Tribune.
The rose and lily, side by side,
| Were in bouquet pent;
| ''Ahr the rose exclaimed, ''your fair to see;"
And the lily said, "Of course-tee hee!
But you cannot borrow aught from me,
For l haven't got scent"
Pick Ne Up.
The following is an excellent lesson in
physiology, in which some of your read
ers and the Jackson Township scholars
might be interested. The question
asked by the teacher was ''In what
part of the body is the lverg" and she
was good deal surprised when the tall
| boy replied: 'sSou.h of the lungs. y
Ayerstopn (Penn.) Enterprise.
Proprietor of Livery Stable Eleven
carriages at six o'clock in the morning2
What in the world do you want of SO
many2" Mr.. Billus Gn tremendous
rage)-"Just got a telegram from Mrs.
Billus. She's on her way home from
trip east. She says, Meet me at depot
at six o'clock in the morning. There
are eleven depots here. Mrs. Billus
shall be met with a carriage at six
o'clock to morrow morning, by jocks, if
1T costs house and lotn'- Micayo 7ri-
6une.