The Critic and record., 1891-04-22
CRITIC ABROAD.

lie ls ll0suCf from way buCks anu Out-
shues either Ferry Wall or Bob Hilliard
N the matter of dress. For the purposes
of this story we will call him r. Willie.
r. Willie's weakness is chorus girls. He
is q first nightor and invariably occupies
front seat at the theatre. During Pau
line Halls engagement two weeks ago T.
Willie sat pretty close to the leader of
the orchestra, As usual one of thepretty
girls caught his fancy. She was maid
with dreamy black eyes and q face that
was more than attractive. In vain did
the dude try to mash" her but he failed.
The next night he ordered an expensive
bouquet at Frccman's and sent It to the
black-ey girl. The card attached to the
floral Offering simply bore this
"The gentleman i'm the front row with
pink flower i'm coat"
Sure enough, there was r. Willie in the
front row, dressed in his best suit of
clothes and wearing n pink bud. by
actual count there were eight other dudes
in the same row, and each Wore pink
bud. This was too bad. Il. Willie gave
up after the second act, and retired with
ont getting the faintest recognition from
the girl behind the footlights.
lie was on hand the next night During
the day he had sent more flowers, with a
card saying that he would try the front
row again, and would this time wear a
boutonniere Of yiolets, extra size. Luck
was against T. Willie again, for three
other men in the same row wore yiolets,
and plenty of them.
y. Willie said something about IL being
too bad that there were so many imitl ltors
in this world, and left the theatre.
lie then went to his boudoir, there to
think thoughts and devise schemes to
capture the girl with the black eyes. He
spent restless night, but, as he believed,
not proiitless one, for during his battle
with the pillows he actually evolved from
his little head plan that would surely re-
suit in victory.
This great scheme was to hire lower
box for the fourth night and occupy it all
by himself.
This time he told Freeman to make up
"paralyZing bouquet" Freeman did
his best and sent enough flowers to fill a
bushel measure. Il. Willie this time sent
little note saying that as he had been
bnllled twice in the front row he would
occupy q box, and begged that the young
lady might during the evening look his
way, even for one small moment. She
looked, and what look it was IL was a
scowl, and of such portentous nature
that even II. Willie could not mistake its
meaning. r. Willie did not see the show
through. He left the theatre, swearing
that he would never, never again attempt
to cultivate chorus girls; they were too
horrid for any use.
There are fewer vagrants brought before
the Police Court during this bright, sun
shiny weather than have been there for
months. The tramps are going out of
winter quarters now and taking to the
country by scores, and at this season the
farmer locks his barn door with more care
than usual and looks in his hay loft for
knights of the road. A month ago Judge
Miller had before him every day from ten
TO twenty men charged with being va
grants. Yesterday there were only four,
and they were given shorter sentences
than usual. Washington is q well-known
headquarters with tramps. The work
house here is tolerably comfortable, and
from two to three hundred tramps winter
| there every year for three or four months.
| Then when the springtime comes again
they betake themselves to the country
roads and fields, and Mr., Stoutenburg IS
relieved of hls guests.
Out on the Woodley Lane road, in a
valley made by filling ON one side and
| hill on the other, IS a little tumble
down cottage. It's made up of a mum.
Der of rooms, some half-dozen or more
and the builder of most of these addi
TORS was a son OF the late Admiral
| lived lonely bachelor life. His days
We're spent at his work in the Navy-Yard
where he labored as u machinist.
The establishment he kept out there on
| the road was unique one in every way
| It's nucleus was q big hen-coop anC
! around this was built the house. The
coop is still there, and il is also still the
most prominent part of the house. TIL,
reason that Porter lived so long in thi,
shanty was that he had a quarrel with hi.
| father, the Admiral, and for years they
| did not speak to each other. Afterward
| however, there was reconciliation, anC
| the young man returned home.
"Its funny,n said the Curbstone Phi
losopher. ~ met Jones Just now and h,
told me he'd cured himself of bad cold
which threatened TO develope into tn,
grip by getting 'bilin' drunk. And thu
fellow had such a cold then that he coult
hardly talk. II simply justiiies tha
mouldy old bit of philosophy which holds
that tribulatiOn is good thing, because
| If IL wasn't for tribulatlon, there would
be no background against which Il
throw. happiness into relief, and conse
| quently there would be no such thing a.
i utlplltSa hNCOINlug W our pOSlLlNc OK
perience of Il. Jones' drunk put him il
worse condition than he was before
and his rapid recovery from it make;
him feel, by contrast, that he is new
man, although he has a worse cold thar
before. Isn't that an excellent illustra
ton of the fact that happiness ~ only
relative? And are not all of ns-each il
his particular way-happily haunted by
the Jones' delusion in our every-daylrela
tions with mortal existence? DO you re
member the pauper boy in the quaint
Rembrantesque poem, whose only pro
lection from the cold was couple o
/ boards placed over him with as mucl
motherly care and tenderness as IL he hal
been tucked in by mOtherly hands afte
the fashion which is the most cherisbe,
"reminiscences Of your own childhood
That little chap was little Jones, and s
IL was the most natural thing In th
world for him TO ask his mother tina
question, full of contentment with his 10
and soliCitude for others;
What do the poor boys DO who have no boards
And humanity Is made up OF Joneses-
all Of II except those who their duietu
make with a bare bodkin,' Funny, ain
| itY'
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