The united opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1881-1970, 1891-06-19
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Inside and Outside Of . Great County
Weeklv.

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Inside and Outside Of . Great County
Weekly.
A NEW DEPARTURE.-As an individual
We plug around In fashion to please our
selves, and though we own the only shirt
In this town which buttons behind no one
can charge us with ever trying to fling on
scallOps over the boys. Strangers have
taken us for Digger Indian oftener than
for the editor of a great weekly paper, but
our feelings have never been ruffied. AS
many mean things as our jealous minded
contemporary has said of us, he has never
no, never-dared charge us with wearing
a regular night shirt or hankering after
four in hand ties.
But as an editor-biffi We are right on
the hustle Nothing is too good for our
readers. We spare no pains In keeping at
the head of the procession. We feel that
we can't pay out too many dollars to make
the Kicker all that the most critical sub
scriber can expect.
In pursuance Of this latter policy we have
added an engraving department to our al
ready liberal plant, and are now ready to
fill orders for illustrated Bibles, books,
novelettes, school books, etc. We shall, Of
course, have our own engraving done un-
der our own roof in future We are now
boss of weekly newspaper, meat mar
ket, gun shop, a shoe store, a grocery, q
real estate agency, an insurance bureau
and an intelligence office-all under one
management and under the same roof.
"Come west, young manW
A FAILURE.-Our third attempt within
the year to establish an agricultural de-
partment in The Kicker has, like those be-
fore it, proved fatal failure We have
been deceived and humbugged until we are
almost ready to abandon the idea. True,
the only agricultural products of this vi
cinity are confined to jackass rabbits, Piute
half breeds, cactus plants and wire grass
which cuts mule in two lengthways
within month, bat an agricultural de-
partment always gives weekly finished
expression of countenance
An old monkey wrench came along about
four weeks ago and claimed to have run
the agricultural department at Washing
ton for four years. He could talk ruta-baga
and subsoil blowing faster than you could
shoot buckshot at an Indian dog, and he
wanted sit with us more to break down
the bureau at Washington than for any
salary expected. We put him on at So per
week, calculating to raise him as he proved
his merits, but The only raise he got was
when we raised him out of the sanctum
for trying to kiss us while maudlin drunk.
We ask our readers to excuse the blum
ders this fellow made in his department
last week. We supposed he could be de-
pended on, and did not read the proofs.
For 5000 bushels to the acre." read
forty bushels
For sixty perch of subsoil," read sixty
perch of stone.
For "alluring dispositions" read alluvial
deposits
For sectional irritation" read suscepti-
BILE of irrigation.
For forty tons of top dressing per hog,v
read one ton of top dressing per acre.
The next galoot who comes along heroi@
and claims to have done the agriculturGI
for the New York World Cleveland Plaf&
Dealer, Pittsbnrg Dispatch, RochestE
Chronicle and Chicago Times, has got n
have some certificate besides red nose,X
cataract in his left eye and his toes outto
the weather.
The Truth OF IT.-Our lop cared contem :
porary down the street, with his usual dis
regard of truth and fact, came out yestsn
day with a double loaded article head
"At Last" ''The Kicker Man Gets
Dossi'' "A Good Job, Well DoneW =
Struck Man He Couldn't Bluff
Now, what is the truth of it? We we
over to Bush Valley on a cayuse kindl
loaned to us by M-ljor Weatherhorn for the
occasion. Our object was to secure sub y
'cribers, and we picked up thirty-two OF
hem among the boys-about half the cir
,ulation of our contemporary. While we
we're riding over to Colonel Jones' ranch
we met Buck Pedro Buck hasn't had any
love for us since we furnished the rope
which scared him out of this town. He
us to halt.
We halted.
He requested us to throw up our hands.
We complied.
He then INDUCED in some very ungentle-
manly language, mixed with very bad
grammar. and wound up by ordering us to
git.
We got
We'd have been fool not to. We went
last. We wanted to go faster still, but the
cayuse couldn't gain on it. We reached
home safe and sound and right side up,
and Immediately entered the thirty-two
names ON our subscription book. That's
;he truth, the whole truth and all there
was in it. Give us fair show and we are
generally in it, as our private graveyard
proves. But when little man like Buck
Pedro looks over Winchester on line
With our left eye, and is all ready to shoot
before we've seen him, we humbly cave
md follow directions. We are no relation
% the man who haltered a grizzly bear for
! calf.-M. Quad in New York World.