The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-09-22

$1,000 SAAS
effects of your condensed milk and
cornstarch, together with the lining Of
the freezer which he had scraped off
IN order to allay the pangs of hunger,
that he added a few lines regarding
your three sheet generosity.
We will recall the day we first met
you here in this office, and when you
became a member of our staff. You
said then that you shrank from pub
licity. You have been in the shrink
ing business ever since.
You had been pointed out to us by
u foreman, and we still recall your
appearance as you sat there in our re-
v~Olving chair with the glad sunlight
shimmering through your asparagus
whiskers. You even then wore that
same old bunch grass beard instead of
a necktie, and the hornets built their
nests in it every spring. 1t used to
delight our then devil to come upon
you suddenly and scare a rabbit out
of your whiSkers, Corundum.
You also wore a little peachstone
charm in the form of a basket on your
watch chain. The chain was made by
one of your deserted wives. It was
made of hOrsehair, and was as pliable
as an iron bridge.
After that we met you on the street
during a thunder shower. You ex-
planned to us youridea of Divine wrath
while you hooked us with your fore
finger in the buttonhole and held an
umbrella over yourself with the other
so that one of the points took us Just
below the bosom. We can still remem-
Der what a cold rain it was, and how
chilly it felt on III stomach.
We remember that your first idea
regarding business was to print in our
paper a short advertisement regarding
a remedy which could be used at home,
and which you said would catch agood
many suckers, especially young folks
and country people. Do you remem-
Der that?
Do you remember how we had a
concert for the fresh air fund and
asked you to loan us your cabinet
OISdIl, dIlu liz" YOU Sd1u C0IUdIIllN,
and how we got q dray and paid four
dollars to move it to the hall and four
dollars to move it back, and how we
had to move it to a different house, as
you had moved in the meantime, and
had got us to move your cabinet e
for you at eight dollars, and when we
tried to play on it at the hall we found
that you had removed the bellows
from it?
1t is only az a matter of courtesy on
the part Of the postmaster that we got
your letter, for he says tt at the stamp
had been used before, and so he wishes
that you would not do that way any
more. He also says that where you
lived before you came here thy say
that your eldest son broke jail and
came home, and that when a reward
of 500 was offered you turned him over
to the sheriff, and that is the way you
! got your start. At Little Bethel, where
you lived prior to that, the postmaster
says you got shot in a watermelon
patch with rock salt, and that before
hot weather comes again you ought to
! get another dose,
! The general impression is, that YOU
have been trying for sixty-one years.
to get hold Of a scheme whereby you
could do a kind act is secret and get it
into the paper next to pure reading
mater.
You can trot out your lawyer, and
we will meet him on grounds of social
equality. To morrow we will publish
an account of how the white caps
whipped you in Vigo county and put
tobacco sauce on the place.
We do not fear you, Mr.. Meltz, for
1-o 1,oC-oVI OC ~, i,4o1Joo+,o1 100
plant.
You have welded too much influence
over this paper already, and visitors
who come here while you are waiting
for the proof Of n of your commune
cations last week say that you are the
Samem man who was tarred and feathered
in Wayne county and that you have
never settled for the tar.
We can stand q good deal, Mr.. Meltz,
In the way of free hand correspondence,
but we learn that on the strength of
your communication, which have too
often appeared in these column 1--WE
regret to say, because we could not
think Of pieces to run in their stead).
you hav7 been accorded transportation
and refreshments for man and beast.
1t is o time to call a halt. Your
attention will never more after this be
called to any aIluslOn to yourself in
these columns. We now have another
party who is going to take your place.
He came yesterday with a sash of
honey and a desire to avail himself of
our columns. You are therefore ex-
cused, Mr.. Meltz. You may return to
your former avOcatiOns, if you know
where they are.
We have aired the office since you
went away, Mr.. Meltz, and have at
tached an atomizer to a Babcock fire
extinguisher loaded with chlorides.
Now teams do not shy as they pass
the Office and times are ho+to,, With &c