The historic times. [volume] (Lawrence, Kansas) 1891-1891, 1891-09-19
ICE-CREAM AND LOVE.
The Cooling and the Warming CONNECTIONS
COMPARED.

The Cooling and the Warming CONNECTIONS
Compared.
Love and ice-cream are closely allied
No man ever fell head over heels into
the tender passion that his white, gauzy
delirium did not lead him where the
stuff is sold; in fact. it is easier for
giraffe to pass through a cellar window
than it is for a young man in love to get
past an ice-cream saloon without being
drawn into the maelstrom and made to
settle. | never was in love, but have
dallied at the confectionery store
where a grass widow smiled and
smiled and charged me ten cents a
dish for frozen pudding, coneocted Of
corn starch, stale eggs and yester-
days skim milk, with bergamont and
other fiavors Even in the smallness
of the dish the widow worked off on
me, its fiber could be easily detected
but the guile of the widow was of the
fresh Attorney kind, and she smote
my wallet daily until, fearful of dys-
| peptic death or a concrete liver, l de-
| parted from the town, leaving the dear
/ disconsOlate to freeze on to some other
/ victim. 1t is to ice cream that torr1d
| love seeks an apothesis. A young man
| ready to die for his sweetheart and car
rying pistols for the other fellow, will
/ find his passion soothed and his knowl-
/ edge of human nature enhanced when
he has to pay fifteen cents spoonful
for frozen cornstarch and ten cents
more for a piece of cake about the
size of postage stamp. But after
all ice cream has its uses. 1t cools the
lovers fevered soul, prevents suicides
and makes a fellow love some other
girl just as well as the one he previous
lywanted to die for. There is no MUIR
der in the heart after filling up on the
vanilla-scented stuff, and after shovel
ling in quart or so you feel that the
world and yourself are even. Without
ice cream there would be no picnics.
The home for the aged supper would
lose it's attractiveness were 1t not for
the cone of snowy cream, and several
more, at least two, oysters would have
to be added to the soup at the church
fair supper if this delectable freeze was
not added to the bill of fare. The man
who enjoys religion, treason, strata
gem anu SpOIISs dISO AOC4o lis
palate tickled and the ragged edge
worn off by this CONNECTION. Girls have
been saved from dying old maids by
having steered some timid shrinking
man into the place where it is sold, and
bachelors have FASTENED to change their
lonesome state after tasting some out
of the young lady's dish who sat oppo
site. Ice cream was invented in the
New England states, and when the ole
puritans began to eat it they quit hang
ing witches It's a nice thing to have
in the house when you have company
for dinner as it saves you from the NOR
LITIGATION of having your guests say tha
you hadn't anything to eat. L once
knew q good housewife who stood up {
meal against some purse-proud visitors
which consisted of picked beets anC
corn-starch cream, and the guests neve
noticed the lack of other viands.
should have added that the ic
water was furnished as an entree t.
the meal | went to some of tn
guests funerals a couple days afte
and they wore smile, but a corps
can ''smile and smile and be william.
that's nothing against it. Lovers an
!, people who attend picnics do, and take
with some Observation-Disclosures bis
cults and canned beef, person can eI
iov himself like an angel sitting on tn
rim OF golden cloud and playing 9Th
Merchant of Venice" on three dolla
guitar. My advice to my young gentle
men friends is not to buy expenslv
love powders to secure the affections
the tender gender but load them
with ice cream. If d man were Cal
! ban and bought pretty girl dish
cream with orange ice and cake, sh
; would love him, though all the worl
, berated her choice. There's nothin
in the world SO cold as ice cream, tn;
! warns the heart until it purrs like
4 maltese kitten after a saucer of milk
Maj. McFlipp, in Elmira Telegram.