Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-04-23
THE OMNIBUS.
Pressed for time-Mummies.

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bought they should stop spoonin,y and
axe up study.
Mr.. Gould cannot deny the impAach-
nent that at one time in his care,r he
vas poppin' Jay.
Observation-Disclosures do you want to be
aved? Young Broker (absent minded
y-Anything in it?
The merchant may know nothing OF
he pugilist, but he has daily struggles
With the price-fghter.
If you don't want people to look al
ways on the dark side of life give them
IN occasional peep at the ether side.
Every heart knowcth its own bitter
less. Many man who looks happy
wearing n shirt his wife has made.
Before we were married." said she
his displays Of affection were positive
! Y oyerdOnc.n And now?" They are
rery rare"
Tommy-Paw, what is fame?' Mr..
'igg-Famc, my son, Is something a
nan makes money out of after he is
lead.
If you have found some one who
'nows how to scratch your back just
where it itches you have come pretty
lear finding your affinity.
An agricultural editor says that the
'est article he ever saw on milk was
;ream. Some city people think that it
not very widely copied.
A l hear that you are going to
marry widow with $40, 600. B-You
lave got things mixed. am going to
marry $40, 600 with widow.
Milicent-What do you think, Maud?
Mr. Bullfsh has proposed to me- Maud
We'll | always thought he'd marry
anybody who would take him.
If you are told that you resemble
great man say nothing. 1t may be
hat the resemblance will cease the
moment you open your mouth.
He tacetiously)-And do you think
oaby will resemble me, wife? She
,ta"tly)-I shouldn't wonder; he keeps
nc awake at night often enough.
Grand opera comes high, doesn't
t?" said her husband, referring to the
price of admission. Not very high in
he neck?' she replied, CHANGING 1T ono
Of the boxes.
One thing ought to tell you before
you make up your mind to marry ny
laughter; she sits all day at the piano. !"
oh, | don't mind that at all if she
doesn't play"
Teacher-Correct. Woman is in the
feminine gender. Now the sentence
speaks of a young woman in fashion,
ible attire. What gender is attire?
Bright Boy-Masculine.
She-My poor dear father knew
Washington so intimately, and | myself
was born Oh the 22d of February 50 OF
course | feel like-lil1e- He (help-
ng her ouD-Like a relic.
Amateur-Why is it that all English
actors have such long stride? Re-
'ormcd actor-Methinks the reason OF
t is that the railroad ties are place 1
further apart in England than here.
Her levity aside is thrown,
The world she deems sham.
In fact, she has so pious grown
| III.
He is welded to his art" said
Hicks, apropO5 OF Sketchy, the artist.
you're wrong. He pays too much
attention to his art to be welded to it.
He is engaged to it," said Mrs. Hicks,
;cornfully.
why, hello, old boy, Haven't seen
you since you were married What
are you doing now? Travelling for the
house, l suppose?" NO not exactly.
Since the baby came have become a
foorwallier
First Actor-You never introduce
your wife to any of your gentleman
friends. Why is that? Second Actor
Because it would be OF no use None
Of them will elopc with her. I've tried
it time and time again.
An eye to the future. II don't sec
how you can be pleased at the idea Of
your brother marrying her. She's 81
fast and harum-scarum. She'll never
make a good wife, "Oh, but shell
make such delightful chaperone."
There is one thing about you
d'Auber that l can't understand.
said Schumble. What is that, ole
fellow?" That with your unequalec
taste in art you should have such
large collection OF your own pictures
An old lady was consoling Belfas
man who was recently injured by
telegraph wire. After learning boy
the accident took place, she said
Bad luck to 'em. They are all hum
bugs. The celestial lights all ought T.
come down."
Mrs. Porkly-I often wonder HOY
people manage to understand eac
other in France. Mrs. Gotham-Ho,
absurd. Mrs. Porkly-I don't thin
it absurd at all. Both my daughter
speak French and they can't understan
each other.
Somebody has computed that
thirty-two million people should elias
hands they could reach round the earth
When a young man is in love he doe
not need to have more than one perso
.. clasp his hand to reach around all th
earth contains for him.
Countryman (buyiDg new suit I
clothes) Pears to me, Mister, that thc'
pantaloons are too short. Lowenstei
Wy. my friendt, dot vas our speci,
style for suburban residents. You don
b.. to roll dhose clodhings up AM loo
J like Won OF dhose silly dudes.