Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-12-31
QUEER THINGS IN COFFINS.
Eccentricities That Make Even the Solemn
Undertakers Laugh.

w hat is the last curious thing you
have met in your lugubrious buSiness?'
asked Il N. 7. Tribune reporter of an
undertaken the other day.
The undertaken opened the lid of q
coffin near his elbow and replied: do
you see that satin lining?"
Yes. What's odd about thatP'
yellow"
yellow is a common enough color"
Not for coffin Innings. my boy.
they're generally white. But this
coffin was made for a woman whose
main ambition in life was to look WELL
and her last dying request was that her
coffin be lined with old gold satin. as
that color best set off her complexion
which was rather sallow and dark.
Promise me- she said. / don't want
All those women to come in and see
me in my collin looking like n fright
So they promised, and she died con-
tented.
Only woman would bother her
head with such thoughts on her dying
bed, " moralized the reporter.
Pm not so sure of that" said the
undertaken. Il once buried an old
chap, a saloon-keeper whose income
while he lived was unevenly divided
between the support of his family and
the decoration Of his person. The
family got the smaller half. He wore
the most expensive clothes at all times,
and the glitter of Al diamonds from
his shirt-frOnt, nccktie, watch-9uard,
and his big, red, chubby hands actually
dazzled the beholder. Well, when his
time came he had very little property
but his jewels to leave behind him. but
he made a will bequeathing the little
he had to his wife on the condition
that she dressed his body in his best
suit of clothes. decked it with his da-
monds and buried them every one,
with him. Otherwise his whole estate,
including the diamonds, was to go to
charity.
The poor woman declared she
would obey his every wish, but it was
with a heavy heart that she brought
out the suit | was to dress the corpse
in. II was of the loudest, biggest,
most glaring plaid You ever saw;
enough to brighten Old Nick himself
away. The shirt was all covered over
with a pattern composed of purple
bnIet-dancers and scarlet bulldogs.
aud these, with his big diamonds gilt
tering all over him, made q startling
sight for the mourners who looked iu-
to his coffin. Many were the lamenta-
tons that the poor widow should be
obliged to bury all those diamonds.
and much admiration was expressed
for the wifely devotion which kept her
from murmuring.
But the widow was no fool. She
buried the jewels sure enough, but
hardly was the grave filled up before
she ordered the sexton to empty it
again. The coffin was opened and the
widow took the diamonds from the old
curmudgeon's shirt-front with her own
hand. Then they buried him second
time.
Il heard of another strange case y
continued the undertaken, (which,
though it did not come under my OBJ.
scryatiOn, yet believe it to be true.
1t was that of man who always had a
horror Of being buried alive. He left
provision in his will that a big bottle
Of chlorofOrm was to be put in the
coffin with him. 1t was to be laid bv
his side and tack-hammer put in his
hand, so that il he came to life under.
ground he could smash the bottle ut d
blow and fill the coffin with fumes tina,
would kill him instantly and painless
ly."