Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-09-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Inc Dcu Oh DUc TlNt4 hilOuli DS SOfCiSN
with winding sheets.-Life.
The mercury enjoy sunny climb
now -a.days -Bingaamton Republican.
Every dog has his day, but it is
mean cur that will bark at night.-Lye.
Good laws are of little avail when bad
men are depended upon to enforce them.
Ieras Siftinqs.
Gummey-"Bunting is right in the
swim" Gargoyle-"Yes; and he finds
it difficult to keep his head above wa
ter. "--Judge.
"Well, Hardup, did you succeed in
raising anything on your promise to
pay2" "0h, yes; raised smile. y
Baltimore american.
Oh, yes; there is skeleton in the
closet in every family, but it is so COM
mon thing that we make no bones of
it.-BOston Transcript.
.sThere are some unpleasant features
in this business" muttered the photo
grapher as he surveyed a row of his pa
rons.-Baltimore american.
Sarcastic yell after dude in loud
plaid trousers: "Say, get them chloro-
formed quick, or dey1l ring out the
paytpol. Philadelphia Record.
"Please give me glass of soda water
without any suds on it, was the order
small boy gave at local drug store the
other day.-Binghamto" Leader.
"When I marry" explained the lieu
tenant, "my wife must have sufficient
dowry for me to support her both in
style and comfort. FIiegende Btaetter.
"Chicago2 Chicago2 oh, yes; that's
the name of place on the Illinois Cen
trail Railroad" "Indeed! Which side
of the track is it on2"-Detrot Free
Press.
Justice-"What's the charge against
this prisoner?" Officer O'Fagan-"Dis-
savin' ther perlace, yer honor. He put
ther sound soide av his apples on the'
outsoide. "-Yale Record.
'That by av moine III make his mark
in the wurrul2," said an Irishman. ''He
will that same," replied his neighbor,
"if it's only by putin lis fut in the
mud. y Washington Post.
The tuft- hunting American young
woman of fortune, when she reaches the
other side of the water, exclaims. in the
language of the turf: Put up your
dukes. "-Boston Transcript.
In Australia they use eggs for cur
rency. When the Government wants to
work up strong money market it sim
ply fails to redeem its circulation for
few weeks. s.-DaasuiNe Breeze.
The most trying circumstances under
which boy can be is when another boy
is in the alley winking at him and his
father is offering him nickel to carry in
a pile of wood.-Toras .SJtings.
Briton-s'If you are such a rampant
American, should think you would re-
main where Americans are most appre-
ciated." American-'I do-in London
and Paris "-Kate Fields Washington.
A Chicago man has invented an eletric
drill with which he proposes to bore
hole to the center of the earth. Maybe
he will decide to bore clear through the
earth, and make a whistle of it.-Neso
York Sun.
Lady Ito tramp)-"Thls IS the third
time you have called here to-day"
Tramp-''It is true, madam; but l am
sure you wouldn't want man to get
along with any less than three meals a
day. Cape Cod Item.
Attorney Ito witness) )-"What is your
age, sir9" Old Beau-"What has that
to do with the case2" 81 insist upon an
answer" (After a pause) II was just
five years old at the breaking out of the
war;" "What war;" with extreme
reluctance) ''The Blackhawk war. -
Chicago I|ri6atae.
"What wonderful progress the science
of optics has made in the past ten yearsl
The difficult complaints, astigmatism,
myopia, hyperopia, ermetropia and 9th
ers, have been found" "There is one
thing l can't understand" "What's
thati" "How they found out their
names2 2"-ye@elers' Circular.