Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1891-03-20

give jim, even Wneu ue cum w "Ae'
But YOU weren't killed" l observed.
sNo, / got out of it by givin' 'em a
boss and a key of whisky; but the way
that that air Jim of mine bobbed up and
showed his selfshness and disrespect
broke me in two, and hevnt never bin
on my feet since"
Something Now in Turkeys.
Who saws nv wife is not genius?
Who'll prove it at his peril?
We are only family of four, and
three of the four are intinitesimal eat
ers.
The fourth-that is me--has to eat
for four. Luckily l have the appetite
of an ostrich; unlucl1lly digestion that
does not always come. to time.
am Jack Spratt and his wife. !
eat the fat and eat the lean. Some
times when the weather is soft have
to eat like thunder to keep from having
good things spoil on our hands. Oh,
what a fate is nine!
OF turkey I am very fond, but turkey
is not fond of me. cannot see them
hanging in the market, looking so sleek
and fat, without buying one and taking
it home with me. Aud l don't buy a
lean and sorry carcass, either.
Each turkey means an attack of acute
indigestion. It is too rich and solid for
my blood. My gastric juice must be
as tender as my conscience-and you
know how supremely delicate that is
so fragile that it breaks.
The result of turky spree, as every
body knows, is mere turkey, and most
turkey-turkey cold, turkey hash, tur
key stew, turkey salad, turkey GRO
quettes-an endless variety of turkey,
each form richer and more indigestible
than the last. Imagine man who has
to eat for four facing the remains of
thirteen FOUNDER begun on Christmas
Day when you have been eating pop
corn and candy and nuts and raisins,
and raisins and nuts and candy and
popcorn from the dawn's earliest light.
1t was suicide in the first degree. 1t
was felo de Sc with no hope for the fell
low.
I went to that wife of mine-I knew
she was genius-with tears in my
eyes and said to her, ooh, my Hiawa-
tina, say my Laughing Water, can't you
Tighten up that turkey bit? 1t sits or
sets-l don't know its sex-on my
stomach like lead"
Il will try," she said.
That night had feast fit for the
gods. had turkey such es was never
eaten before. 1t was light and it was
delicious. ate peck of it and went
to bed and slept without a single buga-
boo.
And all she did was to chop some
cold turkey up and break some spagh-
ETH up and put them over the fire to
cook for fifteen minutes in water enough
to cover; then seasoned them in her
own inimatable style, thickened the
gravy bit and-there you were! A
dish fit for emperors.
Dear reader, are you troubled with
cold turkey? Then buy paper OF
spaghetti, do as my good wife did, and
your husband and children will bless
you to their dying day.
But it is going to make your family
very extravagant in turkeys.
Caught.
In the early days of Indiana, there
lived on the banks of the Ohio River
an eccentric character named John
Brown, who was noted for the facility
with which he could extend the truth !;
in fact, he was never known to tell the
truth if he could avoid it.
Early one spring morning Brown
started for the county seat on horse
back, riding at brisk pace, and soon
came up with two of his neighbors who
were working along the road. One of
them Immediately accosted him with:
Halo, Brown; can't you tell us lie
this morning?"
Brown stopped his horse, and assum-
ing very serious expression of counte-
nance, replied:
Il would, but Neighbor Adams died
last night, and am on my way to Car
Melton for coffin; and his folks told
me to ask you if you could not come
over and help to dig the grave"
After making this remark Brown
whipped up his horse and rode rapidly
in the direction of Cannelton. The two
neighbors Immediately quilted their en-
ployment and started for their friends
house to render what assistance they
could to the distressed family. But
they were much surprised upon their
arrival to find the supposed corpse alive
and at work, with no ambition to be
laid in the grave. 1t is needless to say
that the two victims returned to their
road labor fully convinced that their
neighbor Brown had lost none OF his
capacity for exaggeration.
Away Ahead OF Noail's Ark.
A dispute once arose between two
Scotchmen, named Campbell and Nc
Lean, upon the antiquity of their fami-