The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1891-09-26

The RIGHT THING.-We told Bill
Chudso in these columns over two
months ago that the climate of this
locality would wear him out, and
strongly advised him to travel. He
thought he knew the town better
than we did, and the result was a
hanging last Friday night. Bill kept
on drinking and fussing until he put
bullet into Indian Mike. No aa;ht
Mike ought to have been shot long
ago, but the boys concluded that
Bill Chudso was getting too careless
with his gun, and he was invited to
go out and be hung.
We were early OF the spot, of
course, while our contemporary never
heard of the case until next day.
We expected Bill would be a little
sore on us, but he wasn't. He want
ed to shake hands with us before he
was tied, and during the fifteen min
utes allowed him on the head of the
barrel he spoke in the highest terms
of us as a citizen and as the editor of
a great paper. He called direct
attention to The kicker, declaring
it worth five times the subscription
price Isl in advance), and added
that if he had needed the good ad-
vice found in every issue he would
not have been standing where he
was. In fact, Bill talked so fiuently
that we we're almost mind to ask
the boys to spare him and let us try
him as an advertising solicitor. We
reflected, however, that the crowd
had been put to a great deal of
trouble and would probably be dis
appointed, and therefore we held our
peace while Bill was swung off The
very last thing he did was to hand
us his gun as an equivalent to the
cost of ten years subscription to The
Kicker for his mother.
THAT'S NO WAY.-Two or three
weeks ago we had an item TO the
effect that the county clerk of this
county was drinking so much tangle-
foot that public business was being
sadly neglected. We meant it in
kindness, and hoped he would take it
that way, but it seems that the iron
struck home. Instead of coming to
this office and talking the matter
over in a friendly way, he banged our
sanctum door open last Monday and
began blazing away at us with an
old revolver as long as a rail and as
noisy as cannon. He shot hole
in our office clock, perforated State
map of Nebraska, and knocked the
end off a horn of plenty we had
hanging up for an ornament. The
rest of his lead went wild.
We don't want to be captious
about these things, but we have feel
ings to be hurt. After the blithe
young man had got through we rose
up and slicked the lobe of his left
car off as a souvenir and then threw
him into the street. We were some
what riled for minute, but when
he broke down and cried we went out
and stuck the lobe in place aud
made friends with him. His ear will
be as good as ever in a couple of
weeks, and we hope the matter will
prove great moral lesson.
IT'S THE CLIMATE.-We are in re.
ceipt of letters every week from par.
ties in the East, asking about bust
ness, the climate, chances, &c. There
are some good things about this
country,and we don't deny that there
are some bad ones The better way
is to come out and personally inves-
tigate. AS far as the climate is con
cerned we declare it the best on
earth. Our own case is proof of
what it can do. We arrived in this
town three years ago with one lung
gone, lame in both knees, dead broke
for cash, and having a cough on us
which made everybody think thun-
der storm was coming up when we
let loose. Our eyes were so bad we
couldn't see Digger Indian fifty
feet away, and our hearing had run
down until a man would have had to
ask us four times to drink with him
before we could have suspected what
was up.
THE ARIZONA KIcKER's" FIRST NIGHT
OUT.
The first three nights we slept un-
der il wagon on Kit Carton square,
and we distinctly remember of old
Bill Parker kicking us across the
street when we asked him to lend |
us dime to buy breakfast. Old
Bill is dead now. We took some
what of an active part in his hanging.
To-day we are the richest and health
lest man in the county Feel like
Texas steer all the time, and have
got hole full of money. Before the
climate took hold of us ANYBODY
could boot us around and slap our
JAYS. The worm turned one day,
and since that time we have shot
ten men and discouraged about fifty
others. The man who kicks us has
got to be chain lightning. We lead
the social whirl, will shortly be
elected Mayor, and whatever we say
goes. Gradually, as the climate has
effected and developed us, we have
introduced the style of eating with
a fork, wearing white shirts and
encouraging Chinese laundries, and
we are considered authority on
grammar, prize fights, ancient his
tory, poetry, the business outlook
and the grizzly bear-Neu York