The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1891-09-11
WIT AND lHUMOh.

W HIS suCCtSSOEs. \. HcTutu.
Probably when the red-headed girl
come to vote there won't be so man,
dark horses. Detroit Free Press.
It's the heiress' won't and her father
will that keep the aspiring young maj
mentally occupied. Washington Star
Right shoulder shift" exclaimed
the old army surgeon as he pulled ;
dislocated arm into place.-Bingham
ton Republican.
Sadi-'.Auything new. dearp" Helen
mo; things are dreadfully dull.
am engaged to that little monkey, d.
Saplets, again. Epoch.
1t is mistake about it h"ing un
healthy to sleep in feathers. Look a
the spring chicken and see how tough
he is.-Richmond Recorder.
If those patent electric corsets come
into style young men will have to be
very careful about applying the arm
atures.-Binghanaton Republican.
If the sun had nothing else to do bu
shine on the righteous it would bt
hardly worth while for it to rise a:
early as it does. 1eras Siflings.
The Colonel-.'H Have you seen Borel
since he returned from his triD aroun,
the worldP" The Judge-''Yes; | met
tue enemy, and he was hours. Pact.
Iotnng-''WeII. 1 nope your new
company is getting along swimming
w." Dimling-"It is. We watered
the stock at the last directors meet.
ing."-Epoch.
mo" said Uncle Pete. that 'eru
Eve didn't hev no temptashun at all,
only er apple; if it had er bin water
melon it would err bin differunt."-
Binghamton Republican.
Mr.. Wickwire-"Now, this new
nickel steel" Mrs. Wickwire-
That's when you drop it into the slot
aud the machine won't work, l sup
pose. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Figurante-"W What do you do. Olga,
when one of your admirers sends you
IA bouquet" Star-'I always smell it
directly it comes to see if there is a
bracelet in it. "-Fliegende Blatter.
McFingle-"Did you have much of
time with the boys last nighsP" Nc
Fangle-''Time! Well. / guess! You
ought to have had the headache
woke up with this morningr'-Boston
Ne,CS.
Where does this milk come from,
anyhow" asked Miggles. Cows,
fancy" said Wagg. That accounts
for it." said Miggles. "Cowes is a
famous watering place. "-Harper's
Bdzdr.
Kicking Every one of
your bills failed TO pass" Wrathful
Assemblyman-.Yes but every one of
tine boys who wanted a pass got one,
didn't theyP What do you want-the
earthP"-Puck.
When ministers of the gospel take to
umpiring ball games, as has been fire.
quently the case of late, the player
who tries to backslide or steal a base
need have no hope of getting home
Baltimore american.
See that fellow over there? He
doesn't know where he'll get his next
meal" You surprise me. He looks
well-to-do." He is; but he doesn't
know whether he'll dine at home or at
the club."-Brooklyn Life.
II hear Bronson sang Rocked in
the Cradle of the Deep at the concert"
Yes" Did he do it well?n He
did indeed. 1t was SO vivid that five
people left the hall overcome with sea-
sickness. "-Hdrper's Bdzar.
The Present Time: Jessie-'Did YOU
get the marriage license, dearP Let
me see it." Harry-"You won't un-
derstand it." Jessie-'"yes, I will.
To whom these presents may come
yes; that is all right!'-Puck.
Il never knew Cumcash to have but
one falling" said friend of his to
business man. Yes" replied the
business man, that's about all; but
u Understand he made good deal of
money out of that. Washington Star.
Miss Prentice-'What do all those
signs l see in the car mean? How do
you Get Home on the Installment
Plan?" Tom Dewitt-''First you get
a house, then you get wife. and then
the other installments complete the
home. Puck.
Wollard-"What do you mean by
telling the boys that you have had the
lockjawP" Pollard-''Just a little
joke of mine. You see. l couldn't find
the lock last night. and my wife gave
me the jaw from the window above"
-LoSOeH Citizen.
Mrs. Worrit ION excursion boat)-
20, this crowd makes me sick and the
band makes my head achew Mr..
Worrit-"Well. dear. you would go
out to enjoy yourself. We never can
have our fun without some drawbacks,
you knowr'-Puck.
MiStress-"Bridge what is that
child crying so wildly for?" Nurse
''Shure, mum. he's just drinked all his
.oothin' strip, and ct the cork, and l
ion't know what now ais him unless
rs the bottle he wants to schwally."-
Pharmaceutical Era.
Train robber ("going through" pas
l swow! Got a gun
q your pocket, hev YEP If it wasn't
or my pressing engagements I'd turn
Te over to the town authorities just
ahead for carrying concealed weapons
without permit!"-Puck.
A man imagines that he has lots of
un in telling how difficult it is for
wen a woman to find her way into her
,wn pocket. but all the varnish comes
'ff the laugh when he begins to re-
member how easily she gets into his
,ockets.-Philadelphia Times.
Cholly-'.Ah. Chappy, just in from
Tonka. Summer is the time to read
he book of Naychah. don't you know"
it isn't" Cholly-
Why not. deah fellah?" Chappie