The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1891-06-27

HAV no politics. Nary a
one. I'm not in the bisiness.
II was, spose I should
holler versifrusly in the
streets ut mite and go home
to Betsy Jane smellin of coal
lie and gin, In the mornin.
should go to the Poles arly. I should
stay there Ill day. Ishould see to it that
my nabers was thar. l should git car
RIGGS to take tho kripples. the iniirm and
the indignant thar. Ishould be on guard
agin frauds and SIGH. I should be on
the look out for the infamus lise Of the
enemy, got up jest be4 elecshun for per-
Etical effeck.
When all was over and my candydate
was elected, should move hcving &
erth-so to speak-until I got orfice,
which If I didn't git orflce I should
turn round and uboozo tho Administra-
ton with all my mite and maine. But
I'm not in the bisness. I'm in far more
respectful dismiss nor what pollertics is.
wouldn't Civ two cents to be Con-
gresser. The wuss insult ever received
was when sertin citizens Of Baldinsville
axetl mo to run fur tho Legislator. See
I, my friends, dostest think I'd stoop
to that therey" They turned as white as
a sheet. spoke in my most orfullest
tones, &; they lxnowd wasn't to he tri-
fed with. They slunlsed out of site to
onct.
There4, havin no politics, I made bold
to visit Ole Abent his humstid in Spring.
field. found the old Teller in his par
Ter, surrounded by a perfeck swarm Of
orfice seekers. Known he had been
capting of u fiat boat on tho roarin Mis-.
sissippy thought I'd address him in
sailor lingo, SO seq l, "Old Abe, ahoyl
Let out yer main-suls. reef hum the fore
castle & throw yer jibpoop overheard.
SILVER my tinbers, my hearty" IN. q.
This is ginuine mariner langwidge.
know, becawz I've seen sailor plays acted
out by them New York theater fellers.
Old Abe lockt up quite cross & seq,
''Send in yer petition by & by. 1 can't
possibly look ut it now. Indeed, can't.
It's impossible. sir:'
"Mr. Linkin. who do you spect air?"
sed I.
"A orfce-seekor. to be sure" sed he.
wall. sir" sed l, ''you's never moro
mistaken in your life. You hain't gut q
orfiss I'd take under no circumstances,
I'm A. Ward. Wax fggers is my per
feshun. I'm tho father Of Twins, and
they look like lnc-both Of them. cum
to pay friendly visit to the President
eleck Of the United States. If SO be you
wants to see me. say so-if not, say 90.
q I'm orr like jug handle"
''Mr. Ward. sit down. I am glad to
Gee you, Sir"
'Repose in Abraham's Buzzum!" sed
one OF the orfice seekers. his idee bein to
git orr COAX ut my expense.
"Wall." seq ], "ef you fellers repose in
that there Buzzum thare'll be nifty poor
nussin for sum Of your whereupon Old
Abe buttoned his weskit clear up and
blusht like maidin Of sweet 18. Jest
Mt this pint Of the conversation another
swarm Of orfce seekers arrove 8 cum
pSlin into the parler. Sum wanted post
ortices. sum wanted collectorships, sum !
wantid furrin missions. and all wanted
sumthin. l thought Old Abe would 20
crazy. He hadn't more than had time to
shake hands with 'em, before another
crowd cum porein onto his
premises. His house and dooryard was
now PERFECTLY overlooked with orfice
seekers. all clameruss for immejit in.
terview with Old Abe. One man from
Ohio. who had about seven inches Of
corn whisky into him, mistook me for
Old Abe and addrest me as THE Pra-
hayrie Flower OF the Vest" Thinks I
yon want ofiss pretty bad. Another
han with gold heded cane and q red
nose told Old Abe he was a seckind
Washington 8 the Pride Of the Bound.
iss West"
Sec I. Square. you wouldn't take a
mall post-ofass if you could git it, would
'ou?''
Seq ne. 80 patzit is abuv them things,
ir!"
There's putty big crop of patrits
his season. amt there, Squirrel seq I,
'hen another crowd OF offiss seekers
ored in. The house, door yard, barn q
'oolshed was now all full, and when
mother crowd cum told 'em not to 70
way for want Of room - the hoR-pen