Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1891-05-14
THE ARIZONA KICKER.

THE ARiZoHA KICKER.
wsstera Editorial Machinery Sometimes
Slips 3 Cog.
We extract the following from the last
issue OF the Arizona Kicker, which camo
out on half-sheeS
EXpLANAroRy.- owe our readvSs
an apology for the half-sheet we were
obliged to issue this week. Monday
morning, as we entered the post-office
after our mail, which, by the way, is
hve times as large as that of any other
establishment in Arizona, MI. Wana-
makers man Friday, who was appointed
postmaster against the protests of nine
eenths of our people, came out in the
Corridor and demanded a personal
apology for what the Kicker said about
him last week. In our pioneer days,
when we lived on roots and hadn't sec
ond shirt to our back, we used to get
down and crawl whenever requested
We felt that we had to. We were ten.
der.foot and lacked sand. A change
came. We haven't been doing any
contrary, we have had the revolver and
the other man has done the four-legged
act.
Therefore, when Wanamaker's Friday
demanded an apology, and took us by
Ss1o ear TO enforce obedience, we lit onto
him with a weight of two tons, and had
him hollering for mercy inside Of two
minutes. Before letting him up we took
his gun away, and in some manner it
was discharged, and the bullet went
through the palm Of our right hand.
The wound will prevent our using the
pen Tor some weeks, and. we must die.
tate our copy.
MORE EXPLANATORY.- Wanamaker's
man Friday has brother named Jim,
who is loafer and cur from way back.
We stated last week that we believed no
stole money letters from the mails, and
the statement seems to have put some
git into him. After we had licked
his brother and got back to the Office
Jim came sneaking down the street ans
tired at US through window. He had
shotgun, but he fred so high that no
one was touched, and he was out Of sigh:
before we got to the door,
In few days we are going on a hunt
for Jim. We shall locate him and walk
in on him and slice off his ear and nail
1t on our office door. Let him accept
this notice as fair warning of our inten-
tlons. While he didn't hit us with any
of his buckshot, the idea of such chuck
aloo firing at US with intent to kill rat
tied our nerves and sent us to bed when
we ought to have been getting out copy.
FURTHER OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES three
weeks ago wild-eyed guyasticutis en-.
tered this town by the dirt road and
struck us for ''sit." He gave the name
of j. Melville Graham, and claimed to
have furnished all the brain fodder fol
most of the New York papers for the last
ten years. As he offered to work TO,
four dollars per week and buy his crack
ers and cheese at our grocery, we didn't
question him as closely as we otherwise
might. He had worked two days
when we got hurt, and what die
the lop-eared brother of hyena do
but go off and get drunk and lay
down just where Colonel Ravens
drove of mules would run over him in
going to water! He was trampled out
Of sight into the sand and on top of OUT
other troubles we bad to hire him due
nut and buried. But for his kick-oyer
we could have issued full sheet and
got it out on time. We've had him
carted off to one corner of our private
burying ground, and shall mark his
grave; but we don't mourn.
The LATEsT.-If our readers are not
'atisted with the above explanations
we have another to fire at them. Owing
to our wounded hand we could not do
stroke of writing. We could dictate,
however, and we hired young Bill Ellis,
son OF old Reprobate Ellis, to act as our
amanuensis. We had dictated about
half column when he differed with US
on how to spell cordial He insisted
that it was 'corjul, and rather than see
the English language knocked out we
ceased debating, fired Bill out, and gave
an old tramp printer SO and told him to
go ahead and run out half a sheet. It's
all we could do under the circumstances,
and we beg the indulgence of our sub
scribers. Next week we shall be all
right, and we promise an issue of the
Kicker which will make the sand fly in
fifty directions. ~ Detroit Free Press.