Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1891-08-03
PRICE ONE CENT
A FEW FUNNY THINGS.

The horn of plenty is generally under
stood to be about three fingers. Dallas
News.
1t takes some people long while to
find out that poor health is not religion.
Rams Horn.
Don't whistle until you are out of the
woods. And then, il you forget 70, no
one win be mad about it.
A fellow who always walks when he
GOES TO see his girl is apt TO become beau
legged. Buffalo Express.
If wind alone would do it, the air ship
would have been made q success long
ago.--Yonkers Statesman.
Remorse of conscience doesn't begin to
gall the sinner real hard till after he has
been found out.-Galveston News.
Tramp-Can you put me on to some-
thingg Farmer (whistling) mo, but I
can put something on to you.--Epoch.
Judge-I understand that you prefer
charges against this man? Grocer-No,
sir; prefer cash, and that's what had
him brought here for.-Yonkers States
man.
Blessings Of Synonyms. - Teacher
What is a synonym? Bright Boy-It'sa a
word you can use in place Of another one
when you don't know how to spell the
other one.
CREMATION.
He murmured, Darling. when TIM gone
And you are through the blues, you Will
Know where to put your hands upon
MY yurnings. just as usual"
Washington Post.
After the Races.-"What you hunting
for, bub?n Il head dey was heap OF
money lost hear yis'tidy, and Use lookin'
ter see eff kaint fin some of it. n-Har-
per's Weekly.
"Perplexed" wants to know how "a
man with long and dropping mus
tache" ought ito eat his soup" He
ought to eat it in the dark, the Chicago
Tribune thinks.
Wilkins-Don't you think it str nge
that some Chicago property is worth as
much as $1,000 foot? BiIkins (sarcas-
tically)-Have you ever seen Chicago
oot?-Harvard Lampoon.
THE LIMIT WAS 81.
He started in with many chip.
OF whites-a dollar-reds for twos
Alas From him each one did slip.
And now he has q case OF blues.
Life.
Miss Fussanfeather-I like to see girl
stick TO her colors. Young Crimsonbeak
brushing the paint from his nose)-So do
l and l like to see her colors stick to
her!--Yonkers Statesman.
She (trustingly)-Am / the only girl
you ever loved, Jack9 Why-yes
mn 1aar that so a.. ear eh
only girl ever loved as / love you, my
darling. Journal.
First Promissory Note - You've
changed considerable about the face since
saw you last. Second Promissory
Note-No wonderi I've just been
shaved.-Pittsburg Telegraph.
Why do people wait until a man is
sick and can't eat to send him good
thingsS When he is well and would like
something good no neighbor comes in
with fancy jellies. old wines, and things
like that. Things are very unfair
Atchison Globe.
Potter-Yes, sir, that man Is hypo-
crite, il there ever was one. While pro-
Tossing the warmest friendship for me, he
was for whole year stabbing me in the
back, and l never knew it. Irwin
Goodness graciousl What kind of back
have you got?-Brooklyn Life.
A Harmonious Couples IL
you hadn't married me you would not
have been able to enjoy all these lux
uries. He-True And if you hadn't
married me you would still be the home
liest old maid in eastern New York.
She-Truei How fortunate we have
been in marrying each other -Munsey's
Weekly.
The other day a visitor entered the
public library and passed some time in
looking at the list of new books. Then
he went to the counter. and in few
moments the librarian stepped along to
attend to his wants. Some time was
passed in inquiring about the latest pub.
locations, when he suddenly asked: Have
you any late books by Charles Dickensg'
Il see by the papers, said Mr. CALI.
per, that a man in Storkville Centre,
VT, offers to bet saw mill against
pair of copper tipped shoes that his 2
year old boy can open and shut more
doors in half an hour and slam them
louder than any boy of his age east Of
the Mississippi River. / should certainly
take that bet for my boy Clarence IL
had room on this place 10 set up saw