The Portland daily press., 1891-03-25
wtT AND WisDoM.

p ~n%S there some mistake about that
bill you sent meI ,,,s corroo+ o-oo
P PSsftiSeSnt-To pay that Will take every cent
ha pyeec;torn IN Vel dieting is what you eed-Good
| News.
,fvou are tired taking the large old.
toshioned gripping pills, try Carriers Little liver
PnIs and take some comfort. A man can't stand
everything. One pill dose. Try them.
| He Had Tumbled to IL.
| spirItualist asks: DID you ever 90 into a
| dark room where you could see nothing ana vet
Coo, mat there was something therep
| w aS Frequently, and the something untor+,,
| nateiy .chanced to be arocking char.-Yonkers
| Statesman.
Speak little, speak trnth, spend little, nav cash
| and use DIR. Ruls Cough Syrup. 25 cts.
Salvation Oil, the great pain DESTROYER succeeds
where all other liniments fail. 20 cts.
Too Expensive.
He (kneellng at her feeD-Only this question.
Say, will you be mine9
she-Oh, how student Do give me little time
| to think
He--Torture me no longer. l must have your
/ decision at once.
She-But why this haste?
Hell cannot stay any longer; I've cab walt
ing at the doOr.-Der Ulk.
Dlphthera has often been cured with Johnson,s
Anodyne Liniment when doctors gave 1t up.
The True Definition
"Let us SEGA cynic is a man who is tired of
the world, is he not?" the young language stu
dent asked.
"NO. no, my child" replied the knowing tutor !;
"a cynic is man of whom the world is tired ."-
Milwaukee Sentinel
Ayers Pills are purely vegetable, perfectly safe,
do not grippe, and are splendid tonic.
Collector-Can you let me have the amount Of
ths little bill today?
Jaysmith-I Will pay you on the first of the
month.
CollectOr-But you told me that six months
ago.
Jaysmith-Quite likely. l am not man who
.ells one tale today and different one tomorrow.
New York Sun.
Ifyou don't want gray hairs, use Halls Vege-
table Sicillan Hair Remover.
He'was waiting for his turn in Grand River
avenue barber shop, and he quietly remarked to
the barber that he had been out in the Indian
country.
"Yes. Huntin' rabbits suppose?" replied the
barber, seemingly not the least interested.
Rabbits! No, sir-Indians!"
"Ohl Find any?"
90. "Of course did was all through the late
YES. Get frost-b tten?"
Frost bitten? Why, hang it, was wounded
In three placesi"
"Gun go of accidentally? Transcript
A friend in need is Johnson's Anodyne Linz
ment, more families should know it, and use it.
Not Bargain.
"John," said Mr.. Steingy's wife, wouldn't
buy any more cheap trousers If l were you"
why not?'
"rhis last pair you brought are the Identical
ones SOLD the ragman six weeks ago for fifteen
cents."-ExchaDge.
Ityou cOvet appetite, flesh, color vlgor, take
Ayers Sarsaparilla Sold by druggists.
"He suffered from the ruling pas. ion all This
days."
"How SOP"
pony, and oHt West he was lyncned by vigilance
committee for stealing horse.'-Munsey's
Weekly.
Prompt relief In sick headache, dizzi-
ness, nausea, constipation,pai in the side, guar
anteed to those using Carter's Little Liver Pills.
One dose. Small price. Small dose. Small
pill.
Mr.. Billus-Another pair of shoes already for
that boy! He's the most. destructive and waste
full youngster on EARTH"
Mrs. Bilus-Johnny wasteful? That is unjust,
Mr.. Billus. A box of backing last HIM year
and halt.-Chicago Tribune;
Certain hard words, made into pills,
Simply to swell the doctor bills"
are not what constitute DR.. Pierce's Pleasant
Purgative Pellets. They are tiny, sugar-coated.
purely vegetable pills. as pleasant as confection-
cry to the taste, and acting upon the stomach and
liver gently but effectually, and as naturally as
Nature herself For sick headache indigestion,
biliousness, constipation, and all the resulting
diseases, no laxative equal to them has ever been
discovered.
Mr.. Billion Con the second story Why have you
put that top step of the stairs above the level Of
the floor?'
Architect thought you wanted all modern
Improvements. That's the step fellow always
reaches for when he gets to the top Of the stairs
In the dark.-Puek.
END GaUD nm -O -vua un-u,u.