Omaha daily bee., 1891-12-27
FED THE FREAKS
How Manager Irwicr aud the Musco
pcoplc E~Jnyri Christmas.

How Manager Ltwlcr and the Muse0
People E"Joyri Christmas.
They say that there were great times down
at the Eden Musee Christmas banquet, and
( that Manager LAWYERS ingenuity was So
vcrely taxed while presiding Mt the feast.
Indeed, 1t was a heterogeneous ~asscmblage
that sat down and stood up at the table and
the marts Of the world had to by iiborally
drawu on to provide tho incougrucnt freaks
with provondor adapted to their various
tastes ana appotites.
First there was tho ossiicd man, Wild
sipped his boutlliou by means OF a siphou con.
nected with the tureen, Manager Bill only
turAiug the valve in tho faucet, when no
threatened TO run over.
The fat woman ate five bales OF hay, aud
the living skeleton gorgcd himself until hI
assumed the proportions of Ell Wittig, aud
must now go into training Tor u week 10 get
down to the weight OF a first class oStoolOgt-
cal wonder.
Jo-Jo, the dog-faccd man, had to have his
whiskcrs strapped back, and some people say
he actually took them OF, while hc devas-
tatcd the platter Of roast beef and drank q
foot tub OF topid milk.
Tcwaygooscmturkcycan tho
South Sea cannibal, had uoodle soup made OF
garden hose and topped OF with Il baked
blockwatchman, who was caught doing on
his beat In the vestioulo of the Museo tho
night before.
In the absence of snakes tho serpent
charmcr was given a gallon of Ed. Rothery's
best aud she became so strong that She pulled
up SIX sections of thirty-inch sewer pipo
with her teeth.
Tho man with the broken neck. which l-
jury was sustained on an introduction to
John l.. Sullivan, swore he was bound to
have one moro square meal, and insisted
that Manager Bill unstrap his head. Re-
luctantly his request wss complied with, but
his head fell forward aud shut of his wind;
Ho was fortunately resuscitatod with the aid
of Il blacksmith's bellows, his mouth fas-
tened to the spout of a sausage suffer, and
the crank turned until he reSembled a huge
link of Bologna, instead OF u human being.
The man with tho iron jaw ate four kegs
OF railroad spikes, and the strong woman q
barrel of onions.
Un2le, the aboriginal Australian, with a
penchant for throwing boomerangs and dice,
ate most everything on tho table, aud act
ually began on the wall paper, when
Manager BIZ hit him with an AK.
The glass eater was INDUCED in an ola
podrida of old beer bottles and initstandS,
while his desert consisted of Il choice as
sortment of lamp globes ami telephone
inSulators.
Tho prostidigltatour turned himself into n
billy goat and made Il hearty ropast on q lot
of old scenery and nouldy programs.
The sword Swallowcr was not forgotten by
the generous and muuiicent manager. He
was helped to twelve rolls of sheet tin, three
coal %scuttles, Il SCOOP shovel. two pitch forks
and a rake, and still he cried for more.
Tho tWo.hcaded woman, in her voracity,
came nearly meeting with a catastrophe.
She tried to shovel mashed potatoes into both
mouths at the same time with Il knife, bat
made a slip with her left hand and cut one of
her tracheas in twain. The escaping gas
caused a stampede; everybody jumped from
the festal board, and would have fled had not
the thoughtful woman unscrewed her
wounded head, adjusted the rubber windp1pe
and fell to again as if nothing had hap
pCned.
The man who throws his heart from one
sido of his chest to the other without splitting
on his hands, Crimmed his thorncic cavity
SO full of turkey and other vegetables that
his heart was forced around under his right
shoulder blade, where it bulgcd out like q
bump on a log, and its pulsatioas were so
violent rs to shattcr his collar bone. 1t took
all the muscularity in Tom Mulvehills good
right arm to shove IT back into its normal
position.
The little darkey born without arms had
his supper sent up to him in an elevator.
Bat 1t was a glorious festival, and no mis-
take, and to his dying day Manager Lawler
Will be proud that it was his happy fortune
to preside over the same.