Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1891-07-22
MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.

MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
SOME DOMESTIC INCIDENTS That MAKE
THE FAMILY WHEEL Go ROUND.
"I'd like to get my hands on the chap
who made this shirt for about minute!'
exclaimed Mr.. Bowser the other morning
as he showed away from the breakfast
table.
"Anythinz wrongp" queried Mrs. Bow.
ser.
s'Anything wrongl Would I complain
if there wasn't something wrong? Does
any husband ever complain until the last
straw breaks the cancels back2 It's all
lunches and punches and bundlesl'
"But it was only yesterday you were
were."
"Never said anything of the sort! Fact
ia never had a shirt that fitted me within
forty rods, and never expect to have, and
it's the same with collars
"There is surely something wrong this
morning." she said, as she made closer
inspection. "Let me get you another col
lar.''
SIT would only be the some. suppose
it's my fate to go through life with shirt
all hunched up between my shoulders and
a collar saving my ears off. I suppose
there are wives who pay some little atten-
tion to their husbands comforts, butt
''Mr. Bowser, you ordered those shirts
yourself!'' she interrupted.
''Certainly.'
'sYou were satisfied with theml"
eyes"
"They set perfectly lovelyP'
s'Well?"
"Then what have l to do with it?''
s'Mrs. Bowser," he calmly observed, as
he rose and assumed his favorite pose,
''there are such things as buttonholes in
shirts. There are bands and Jokes and
seams. A shirt may 60 into the bureau
folded in an intelligent manner, or it may
be ruffied and crumpled and spoiled. A
wifely wife looks out for these things. A
wife who doesn't care two cents for her
husbands comfort DOESN'T concern herself
about such trifes. Good morning, Mrs.
Bowser!''
He hadn't been gone half an hour when
Mrs. Bowser was looking high and low for
his nightshirt. 1t couldn't be found. It
had disappeared off the face of the earth
leaving not even button behind. When
he came up to lunch she said
stMr. BoWser, l can't find your night
shirt"
Il presume notp' he calmly replied,
s'somo houses have head and system,
aud the nightshirt don't get mixed up with
the potatoes down cellar!"
81 don't believe you took it off this
morning. You put your dayshirt on over
it, and that's the reason you had such
trouble"
Mrs. Bowser, if you wish to infer that
I'm an idiot just speak right out 10 plain
lauguage'' roared Mr.. Bowser across the
table.
''But you might do such thing"
$50 the Hudson river might run into
Lake Erie! It's far more likely that you
carried that shirt up in the garrett or down
cellar. shouldn't be surprised to find the
girl using it for q dustrag in the ktchen!"
''Mr. Bowser, you've got that shirt on!
l know it! I'll dare you to remove your
collarw she exclaimed.
II have said that this house had no sys-
tem," he slowly replied as he rose from the
table. ITO prove that am right I will
take off my collar and Inhibition the band
ofmy shirt Now, then, are you satisfied
that 1t is owing to your want of atten.
tion''-
you've got it on!" ahe interrupted, as
she pulled at the band of his nightshirt.
SIT can't bel''
'But here 1t isl You forgot to take it
OFF,
Mr.. Bowser turned pale and walked off
upstairs. Ten minutes later he came down
and said:
"Mrs. Bowser, don't ever play another
such trick on mep'
"Why, what had to do with it? she ask
ed.
"Never yo1 mind about that, but don't
attempt anything more of the kindl have
already stood far more than most husbands
would"
The other awfuly hot day he came limp,
ing home and fell into the chair and groan-
ed:
t'I'll be hanged If don't hire blind wo-
man to come here and look after my things
NY feet are al cut to pieces by these infer.
nal old socks!"
'Old socl1sl Why, bought 'eln new for
you only three days ago!'
"Holes 10 both of 'em, but might have
expected that. Lock therep'
He pulled off his shoes and displayed a
pair of all wool socks with hoe in the
heel of each.
"What on earth are you doing with those
socks on?" she exclaimed. sI told you last
night where to find six new pairs of sum
mer Socks!"
ssThey weren't there"
s'Bat they were, and you wont into the
clothes press and dug these out of the bot
tom of the trunk!'
''Mrs. Bowser, you said I'd find socks in
the bottom drawer of the bureau"
eyes"
"Well, there isn't sock there. There
isn't the slightest reason to believe you ever
put sock there. I'll bet million dollars
to cent there are no socks therew
s'Come up stairsn'
He followed her up, and she went to the
bureau, pulled out the drawer and pointed
to the six pairs of socks resting there.
''Yes, seep' he observed, as he backed
off. "B1t where were they last night
when wanted them?"
Fright therep'
"Um! Mrs. Bowser, I don't want to
criticise your way of keeping house. No
husband ever finds fault with his wife when
it is possible to avoid it, and he is always
willing to suffer and endure, but, Mrs.
Bowser, / feel it my duty to sit down and
have long talk with you, and to speak to
you very plainly. We must have q system
here, or it will be better for you to 20 back
y your mother. You can get four trains
of here day for Detroit, Mrs. Bowser
trains ada7 \Qd your mother
Awbere were
IN. Quad