Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1891-10-16
ELI PERKINS'S NEW BOOK
1T IS A LIVELY ONE AND IS NAMED
THIRTY YEARS or W.T."


Telling Good and Had Stories for 80
Wears and More.
The ever young Eli Perkins informs
the public that he has been for 80 years
telling and hearing good stories, and in
his new volume, Thirty Years of Wit"
he gives the best Of those that he has
heard and of those that he has told.
when / asked Bill Arp one day IL he
really killed many Yankees" says Mr..
Perkins, he said:
"'Well, don't want to boast about my
self, but l killed as many of them as they
did of me-
Mr.. David Welcher tells me-" says
Eli Perkins, that Mark Twain. when in
a good humor, told biw the story Of his
courtship, and how he won his beautiful
and wealthy wife. She was Miss Lang
don, of Elmira. When Mark first met
her he was not so distinguished as now !;
his origin was humble, and for some
years of his life he had been a pilot on
the Mississippi River. The future Mrs.
Clemens was woman of position and
fortune; her father judge, and doubt
less expected family and social impor.
tance in his son in law. Clemens, how
ever, became interested in his daughter,
and after while proposed but was re-
iected.
"'Well, he said to the lady, i didn't
much believe you'd have me, but !
thought I'd try
After while he tried again, with
the same result. and then remarked, with
his celebrated drawl, I think a great
deal more of you than if you'd said
"Yes, but it's hard TO bear A third
time he met with better fortune, and
then came TO the most difficult part of
his task-to address the old gentleman.
"'Judge, he said to the dignified mil
lionaire, have you seen anything going
on between Miss Lizzie and meP
"'What? whatP exclaimed the Judge,
rather sharply, apparently not under.
standing the situation, yet doubtless get.
ging glimpse Of it from the inquiry.
Have you seen anything going on be
tween Miss Lizzie and meT
"'No, indeed, replied the magnate
sternly. No. sir, have not.
"'Well, look sharp and you will said
the author of 'Innocents Abroad, and
that's the way he asked the judicial lum-
mary for his daughters hand"
Eli Perkins asked the Rev. "Sam"
Jones:
"sDo they ever answer back to you
from the audience when you talk 80 saw
agelyr
Yes, often. Every now and then
burnt sinner viii squeal. Sometimes
they get good joke on me too. One day,
in st. Louis continued the preacher,
laughing, AN awful funny thing hap
pened. had been attacking the gam
blers and drunkards for an hour, and
said drunkard was lower than dog.
@'Just then a shabby, blear eyed mar
arose trenblingly and started to leave
the church.
'"Stopi young man, said. "Stopl'
H'The young man stood still, with a
thousand eyes on him.
@'~If you'd rather go to hell than hear
me preach just go on!"
:" Well, replied the man, after
pause, Il believe I'd rather" And out
he went.'"
Il was talking one day, says Eli Per.
kins, with Mr. Depew about demand
and supply. l said the price of any com.
modify is always controlled by the de-
mand and supply.
mot always, Eli said Mr. Depew;
demand and supply don't always govern
prices. Business tact sometimes governs
them
@'When,' i asked, did an instance
ever occur when the price did not depend
on demand and supplyr
We'll, said Mr.. Depew, the other
day l stepped up to German butcher
and out Of curiosity asked:
What's the price Of sausages?"
Dwenty cents bound, 4" he said.
A'@ You asked 25 this morning, / re-
piled.
-'A va, dot vas ven had some. Now
amt got none / sells him for dwenty
cends. Dot makes me reputation foi
selling cheab und don'd lose noddincs.
@sYou see, said Depew, laughing, Il
didn't want any sausage, and the man
didn't have any; no demand or supply,
and still the price Of sausage went down"
After telling US no end of funny stories
Eli Perkins says: ANY one can write
humor who viii sit down and write the
honest truth. There is no imagination
IN hurnor. while wit is all imagination.
! have known q kind of half sad hu-
NOR. said Eli Perkins, @where two earn
est people misconstrue each others
thoughts. once heard Of a dialogue be-
tween sweet, dear old clergyman in Ar
kansas and an illiterate parishioner,
which illustrates this idea.
Your children have all turned out
well, reckon, said the clergyman, as he
sat down TO dinner with the parishioner
he had not seen in church for several
years.
-'Well, yes, all but BIZ. poor feIler.'
Drunk licker, reckon, said the cler-
gyman sorrowfulfy.
~'0h. no; never drunk no Iicker. but