The Opelousas courier., 1891-04-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A trade mark-Talklng shop.
A popular measure--Brim-full.
The Farmers Alliance-A rural mar
.riage.
An Arab who has lost his teeth prob
ably speaks only gum Arabic.-Bu6a@
Espress.
He-"May 1 hope7" she-"Yes; if
you will promise never to refer to the
matter again."-Life.
The tanners trade isan entirely honor
able one, and yet they do say it is a skin
deal.-Binqhomton Republican.
E. q. Laffer-"That old doctor is a
funny fellow" Dana s. Lydig-"Yes,
indeed. He's always taking somebody
off"
Old habits are hard to get rid ef-aa
YOU find when you take them to the
second hand clothing store-6. Joseph
(No.) Nescs.
1t is not advisable for a bank cashier
to read nautical tales; the practice might
inspire him to- become a 'ssklpper. =
Boston Courier.s
aI1l bet," valid Chollie, .'judging
from the way these trousers shrink, the
wool was shorn from an unusually timld
sheep."-Puck.
Judge-stBoy, do you understand the
nature of an oath?n Juvenile Witness
stYes'r. It's human nature, | reckon
Chicago Tribune.
The bachelor thinks that the baby is a
blot on the landscape, and the baby's
mother knows that the bachelor is
SomeroiM Journal.
Ethel-sI always make it a point to
learn something new every day" Maud
uThen you are not SO old as | thought
you."-Harper's Baser.
OF all the torments known toman
The greatest, we assert,
Is to wear q fourteen collar
Upon a fifteen shirt.
Goodatfs Snn.
uOld Curmudgeon is the meanest,
stingiest man in town, and yet you say
that there isn't a selfish hair on his
headi'na sCurmudgeon, sir, is entirely
bald"
oh. Gas may escape and gas may burst,
And vanish in noise and flame;
But the meters hand, In It's quiet way,
Goes travelling onward day by day,
And gets there just the same.
Topical Times.
An eminent surgeon says that with
four c,,ts and q few stitches he can alter
4 mans face so his own mother would
not know him. That's nothing. Our
daily newspapers do that much with only
one cut.-MeTcuTg.
When in th footlightis glare she stands,
Men thinEhsr one of the fairy queens;
What would they say,
Gould they but see
The way shetackles the pork and beans.
Chicago NeiDs.
Scientific Notes: How wonderfully
are the inventions of man anticipated IN
the animal kingdoml The cuttle-tiah
has the power of covering itself with 9
sudden efusion of any inky fuid-and
what more can man do with the most IN
genious fountain pen2-P0ck.
III should like to observe, madame
said the patient border, ''that while ! am
verv fond Of the neck of the fowl you
are carving / shall deny myself this and
bep for d large white chunk off the
breast. With this view / have had nj
trunk packed and a drayman is now wait
ing AZ the door for an answer. Er-l
it breast or neck9e Chicago Neaos.
Unless with Marriage ] mean to dispense
Now's the time to wed, and no longer
re longer wait / may have more sense
If I have more sense then III neVel
Judge.
Ignoramus Cat q party a few year
hencel-sWhat is the matter with Mis-
Beauty's once lovely armsa They are ful
Of horrid red blotches and scratches.
Scientific Guest-ssoh, that's all right
She has simply been v~accinated agalns
! consumption, smallpox, typhoid lever
and twenty or thirty other diseases. =
: Nsp York Weekly.
He could talk IN Dutch or Latin.
? And could translate from ChoctaWs
Chinese fell as slick as satin
4 From this verbalistic iackdaw.
/ He was learned ia all the speeches
2 OF this hngual human race,
Ard was never known to teach his
pupils one word out Of place,
But he tnnabIed Down completely
IN endeavoring TO talk
! with o maiden who said sweetly
She resided in ssNew Yawkg'
i -Neau York Sun.