The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1891-10-20
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

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Fresh-Air Boy: Mister, do you
have to buy chewing-gum for ali
those COWS?
The PrOhibitionist naturally
would not kiss a body should he
meet body coming through The
rye
One of the greatest tests of good
nature is the quantity of sympathy
man can stand without losing his
temper.
FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS PROMPTLY.
You need some change" the doctor
said:
The patient-a burglar, cried Thanks ~
And ere the dawn OF another day
He mad cleaned out several banks.
Restaurants are so crowded now
adays that none but the brave OBJ
tain the fare.
The butcher doesn't try to make
both ends meat; bone is heavier
and Iauch more profitable for him.
oF TWO Evils.
Il he choose 10 chew?
Let him chew. Wouldn't chew
Prefer to have him escheW
The festive glass, tho he choose
The fragrant weed he now chews?
Taking notes - Kirby Stone:
What paper do you take, Lott?
Job Lott; I've spent most of my
time lately taking up my son-ln-
laws.
In the columns Of paper en-
tirely great, the base ball pitcher
is more important than the Presi-
dent of the United States.
NY speech at the meeting last
night was my maiden effort said
the young orator, proudly. "Nes.
eynlcally replied ms friend: 81
noticed 1t was something OF miss.
While Austria, Germany, and
Italy are running q Dreibuud, and
Russia and France Zweibund,
Great Britain in doing business at
the old stand with un Elnbund.
Elm. Zwei, Drei-Bang Boom
An Unreasonable Question
Drug Clerk q A. NJ, out Of the
window: Well, what is it ? Gus
toner: How the deuce should l |
know l don't know how 20 read !
prescriptions.
Mrs. Instyie l see, dear, that |
you have changed your reception
days from Tuesday to Thursday. |
Mrs. Fashion Yes my new cook |
wanted Thursday for her day out,
so l had to.
The man or woman who is only
moderately good looking ought 10
be satisfied. The Atchlson Globe
says: So many people long to be
good looking. Yet many a man
has been worthless because he was
good looking. Many u woman has
gone to the devil because she was
good looking.
Rather an Ambiguous Assur-
ancc-"l hope my visits are not
dIsagreeable 10 you" he said. "No,
not at ALL she politely answered.
u have sonnet mes thought that l
wearied you "Oh, no. No mat
ter how gloomy l feel when you
call, / am always happy when you
90
Here is 4 characteristic story Of
the American girl abroad. Scene,
Windsor Castle. Young woman
seeing the sights asks man whom
she meets, & Butler, is there any
chance TO see the Queen?" Gentle
nan addressed, with dignity: II am
lOt the butler, l am the Prince Of
Wales "How luclyl Is your
mother in?"
The peach business in Maryland,
his year, is q bigger failure than
asst year. The crop is too large,
md prices are away down. Many
growers are digging up their orch
lrds. Local canning houses are
)uying peaches at five cents bas-
let, and have had to refuse offered
INVOICES at that price because OF
he lack Of labor TO handle them. 5
A Quaint Epitaph: On tomb
'tone IN a graveyard in Science
ady Is this inscription: 5
Mary Flynn is my name, ;
Ireland is my nation;
Schenectady is my home,
Heaven my destination.
When I'm dead and in my grave (;
And my bones are getting rotten !.
This will let you know
That am not forgotten.
The grave is covered with rank
growth OF weeds. c
The cavern in the bank of the !
Mississippi River below Plaque
nine, LA, has reached alarming c
Proportions. 1t is over 1000 feet
ong and about $50 feet wide. 1t
las taken in over 300 feet of the
evee and half of the public road,
nd also part Of the Old embank- +
nent that was used by the Union |
oldiers as 4 fort during the late
var.
Mss Sleeper (after q pause, sup
'reSs.ng q yawn): By the way,
Or. Fischer, you are an authority
n French-can you give me a