The Russellville Democrat., 1891-04-30

Etc sea- OA rE tiA4u or stnt tncAi groaned and went away.
 went to sleep agin, and drempt of runnin orf with the pretty little Shaker esses mounted on my Ca1iforny Bar. l was woke up nrly by the Elder. He sed refreshments was reddy for me down stairs. Then sayin was man of sin, he went groanin away.
 As was goin threw the entry to the room where the witles was, cum across the Elder and the old female I'd met the night before, and what dye spose they was up tog Huggin and kissin like young lovers in their gushingist state. Sez I, My Shaker trends, reckon you'd better suspend the rules and git mar ried."
 "You must excoos Brother Uriah, : sed the female; Ines subjeck to fits and hain't got no command over hissef when he's into 'em-"
 .'Sarrinly," sez I, i've bin took that way myself frequent
 You're a man of Eini" said the Elder.
 Arter breakfast my little Shaker trends cum in agin to clear away the dishes.
 My pretty dears,s sez l "shaf we yay aginY'
 May" they sed, and I nayd.
 The Shakers axed me to go to their meetin, as they was to hay sarvices that mornin, so put on clean billed rag and went. The meetin house was as neat as pin. The floor was white =s chalk and smooth as glass. The Shakers was all on hand, in clean weskits and meal bags, ranged on the floor like milingtery com panies, the mails on one nde of the room and the females on tother. They com menst clappin their hands and singin and dancin. They danced kinder slow at fust, but as they got warmed up they shaved 1t down very brisk, tell you. Elder Uriah, in particler, exhiberted a right smart chance of spryness in his legs, considerin his time of life, and as he cum a dubble shuttle near where sot, 1 rewarded him with approvin smile and sed: "Hunky boyl Go it, my gay and festiv cnssw
 You're a man of Enr he sed, contin- merlin his shuffie
 The Sperret, as they called it, then moved short fat Shaker to say few remarks. He sed they was Shakers and all was ekal. They was the purest and Seleckest peple on the yearth. Other peple was sinful as they could be, but Shakers was all right Shakers was all goin kerslap to the Promist Land, and nobody want going to stand at the gate to bar 'em out. if they did they'd git run over.
 The Shakers then danced and sung agin. and arter they was threw, one of 'em axed me what thwat of it.
 Sez I, .'What dug 1t siggerfyY'
 ..Whaty' sez he.
 "Why this jumpin up and singinf This long weskit bizniss, and this anty- matrimony idee? My trends, you air neat and tidy Your lands is flowing with milk and honey. Your brooms is fine, and your apple sass is honest. When man buys keg of apple sass of you he don't find grate many shavins under g few layers of sass-a little Game I'm sorry to say sum of my New Englan an- cesters used to practiss. Your garding seed is fine, and if should SOW 'em on the rock of Gibralter probly l should raise good mess of garding sass. You air honest in your dealins! You air quiet and don't distarb nobody. For all this givs you credit. But your religion is small pertaters, 1 must say. You nope away your lives here in single retchidness. and as you air all by your selves nothin ever conficks with your pecooler idees, except when Human Mater busts out among you, as under stan she sumtimes do. II giv Uriah a sly wink here, which made the old fel- low squirm like speared Eel.
 "You wear long weskits and long faces, and lead gloomy life indeed. No children's prattle is ever hearn around your harthstuns-you air in dreary fog all the time. and you treat the jolly sun shine of life as tho it was thief, drivin 1t from your doors by them weskits. and meal bags, and pecooler noshuns oi yourn. The gals among you, sum of which air as slick pieces of caliker as ever sot eyes on, air syin to place their heds agin weskits which kiver honest, manly harts, while you old heds fool yer selves with the idee that they air ful- fillin their mishun here. and air content ed. Here you air all pend up by yer selves, talkin about the sins of world you don't know nothin of.
 Meanwhile said world continners to resolve round on her own axeltree onct in every 24 hours, subjeck to the Consti- tuition of the United States, and is 8 very pleasant place of residence. It's a unnatural, unreasonable and dismal life you're leadin here. So it strikes me- My Shaker trends, now bid you wei come adoo. You have treated me ex- ceedin we'll Thank you kindly, one and all"
 "A base exhibit of depraved monkeys and onprincipled wax works!" saed Urah.
 Hello, Uriah," sez I, "Td most forgot you. Wall, look out for them fits of yourn, and don't catch cold and die i1 the f1our of vour youth and beauty"