Telegram-herald., 1891-08-05
The ooTToa BLOSSOM CLUB.
Mary Jsss's Great NsstAks--rhs Pre.s
deaf Airs His yix~x

jane Light5shI, of jackson. Mich, who
asked 10 be elected "a a member Of the
club. She claimed to have been a wit
ness in thrse different lawsuits aud "a
know how 70 roest possam ard felt
she possessed al othsr necessary Qualii-
/ GzticnA
Elder Nightfaii Turner, who had set.
tied himself down for an hours rap aud
was already moulding, Suddenly bobbed
mp. and moved that the rules be sus-
/ pended aud the applicant voted in A
hush as Of death at once fell upon the
meeting. Brother Gardner aidnt say a
word In reply. bat he looked down upon
the elder in sneh cold. unfeeling man.
ner that the latter broke both suspenders
~ he sat down and tired 10 roll up ia 4
small bundle. After couple Of min
utes Of painfal silence the president
| quietly observed:
Mary Jane has simply made mis-
take an sent her applicashun 10 de wrong
club. What she wants TO jlne Is So
ciety fur teachin de modern wife how 10
run dc kitchen part Of lie hoase."
Applications were then read for the
establishment OF branch clubs II Toronto,
Ont. and Hamilton, o.. and as all re-
quirements had been complied with In
each case the prayer of the petitioners
was granted. The petitioners ct Toronto
are very fortunate In having secured as
their tirst president Judge Paradox Jones,
a colored citizen who Is worth over $s0.-
600 in cash, and who is known all over
Ontario as the only man who can sharpen
a lawn mower on his bootleg.
A communication. dated at county
Jail in Indiana, and signed by Professor
Canterbury Taylor. was then read. The
professor lives in Indiana. and claims to
be the first man In. America to discover
blood on the moon. He was also the first 10
come forward with q scheme TO pay of
the national debt by everybody going
without fried onions for one year. he
started from New Orleans to New York
to deliver his celebrated address enti-
tied: ''Why Doan We Consider but
had Only reached the Hoosier state when
he was arrested as a tramp and flung
into jail. He now asked the Cotton Bios
som club 10 forward him the sum Of
twenty dollars to pay his fine aud help
him finish his journey. He hadn't called
on the club except as q last resort. He
had dug n hole two feet deep in his cell
to find rock bottom. He had sawed off
two bars at the window to discover that
bulldog was chained on the outside.
He had tried to bribe the jailer with
forty acres Of land. but the man wanted
hundred.
yves sorry fur him. Of co'se," said
Brother Gardner in reply, ''but we can't
do muffin fur him cept to hope he will
keep on diggin till he gifts out. We
didn't Ak him to come; we didn't eben
know he was ON de road. He may be
sort o lonesome in dat Jail. but it will be
great chance fur him to rest up an cut
his toenails, an invent q scheme fur
drainin of de Atlantic ocean"
The Hon. Lycurgus Merriweather then
arose to ask for information. He had
been informed by colored butcher
weighing 2i2 pounds that the Cotton
Blossom clab proposed to erect ma
tional asylum for the reception and care
Of decayed whitewashers and chimney
sweeps. II this news were true he
wanted to say that he was heart aud
hand in favor Of the project. and de-
sired to speak for places for his uncle,
brother-in-law and brother, who came
under the head Of "decayed."
''De news ar ahead of time, Brudder
Merriweather," replied the president
''Dar has bin some talk, but no steps
hev yet bin TOXIN. an it will be quite
safe fur you to advise your varus rela-
tives to keep right on airnin DER own
hvin as hard as dey kim"
At this juncture Participation White,
who had been wriggling about for some
time, arose and inquired if the proceed
ings Of the club were conducted accord
ing to parliamentary rules.
"Dey is" replied the president.
Then Brother White was still moro
mixed. In case he should offer resolu-
ton to donate the sum of 81 900 to the
African missionary fund, and Pickles
Smith should offer an amendment to
make it $500. and Shindig Watkins
should move to lay it On the table, and
Colonel Cabif should move to adjourn
"Well, sah!'' queried Brother Gardner,
IS the speaker paused.
And Waydown Beebe should call for
the ayes and noes, and Sir Isaac Wal
pole arise TO question Of privilege.
what course would the president pursue?
He had consulted two street car conduc-
tors and q man who owns q whole fish
market, but none Of them could work it
ont.
my co'se would bc very plain, sal,"
answered the president. II should fust
remove my coat. II dat didn't stop do
row should remove my vest. II de con-
fushun still continued 10 elrcidate l
should jump down from de platform an
start fur de back eand Of do hall
should move slowly, an az l went
should strike ont right an left. an by de
time reached de alley doah il would be-
necessary 10 cali fur leben ambulances.
When Mr.. Cushin writ his mammal II
was intended to kiver all caees up TO a
certain pint Artcr dat pint was passed
II was supposed de president had de
muscle an science TO handle lie crowd.
1T is now time tn disrupt de meetin
"a go home. m. Quad in Me- York
World.