New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1891-12-13
WHEN 4 MANS LOT rs VERY BARD.

ITS JUST BEFORE oHRDrTMAs WHEN HE IS THE
BACHELOR UNCLE OF THIRTY-sEvEN
NEPHEws AND MECEs.
ats pretty hard season Of the year. Isn't it, Inc
said, leaning on his umbrella and smiling wealiy.
"what is it-rheumatismi"
aNo, worse than that"
"Gout?n
"wish that was ALL"
"Threatened with pneumoniar
"No; it's Christmas
aOh, I see,r said the other alphabetically.
ayes It's Just this way. Pm bachelor, and have
Eve brothers and four sisters. used to think 1t was
the finest thing In the world to be the most popular
brother and uncle in the world"
"Yes.n 'i O.
dwell, II isnt-not at Christmas time. You see they
all got married. one after the other. When had
halfdozen nephews and neces could go out and hunt
around for a couple of days and provide for them.
Then for month literally crushed to earth with
youthful affection / liked 1t then.
"But now,7 he said, with grim smile, 1t isn't the
same.'
More rephews and neces. ehl"
"More N he gToaned. "Why, man, I've got thirty
seven hight in this city, and they climbing up every
year. Pm like Solomon and his wives, only he was
luckier than l because he wasn't bothered with any
Christmas Pve done nothing but walk the streets anu
march through stores and shops for three weeks.
wake up In the night with start and remember that
/ forgot my third brothers fifth boy. When / meet
one Of my relatives l turn pale and SILVER. / have
cold sweats at night. Ive lost my appetite. Pm
drinking like a fish to keep my steady I've
had three attacks of vertigo and two of heart
failure and yet Ive got seventeen presents TO
get. My room looks like warehouse, and Pve engaged
an extra In which to store the presents yet to
get. I'll bet you money forget my youngest
sisters twins, or my second sisters three caroh
girl I'll bet you even money that I've made a
miscount somewhere. and that I'll send five pres nts
to WHIPS house, when he's only got four children
or three presents to Nels house. when she is the
mother Of nine I'll bet you III buy boxing gloves
for some Of the girls and bonbon boxes for Johns
tweveyearold boy, who wants to be pirate. I'll
bet you Pm raving lunatc before the weeks out"
"wel what you going to do about 1t ?" asked
his friend encouragingly.
"Do? Pm going TO plunge. I'm going to buy
everything l see. I'm going to bankrupt myself
Pm going to own q Christmas baZar. Then Pm
going to get brain fever and send for jack He's
my youngest brother jack I'll say, I'm losing my
mind over Wall Street speculations I'm possessed with
the idea that haven't relative IN the world, and
know that can't be true For heavens SAX, take
these Internal torments-I these little presents
and distribute them TO the best OF your judgment.
Then cremate me, jack / guess that's my only
chance.
"IIl tell you what Pm going to do" he said,
shutting his teeth Iii live out this experience Pm
going to get married. I'll marry the first woman
who'll have There never was a woman yet who
did not like to buy Christmas presents. By Georsel
I'd marry one to-day If 1t wasn't too late to save me
this year. Do you know any woman-a frstrate
shopper-whod like to get married this afternooni'
he crisd Wildly
"Im afraid they're all too busy buying Christmas
presents said the sympathetic friend.
"Well good.by then. I've got TO up to Tifany's.
Say do you know any place where can get something
appropriate for young girl of sixteen. she's young
looking, but old In her manner. Nothing childish
will do.'
"Pm afraid can't help you
aCan YOU make any suggestion about q boy ten
years old who has run away from home three times,
and been nearly drOw led twice can't give him any
thing that shoots. He'd kill the whole family and
blow his own head on
"pm sorry, but"
How are you on twinsi' cried the uncle. eagerly.
three years old one fat and thin. one dark and
one fair both terrors Can you do anything for me
in the twin line'"
1.-THE twins noor me, too
@Now. there's Isabella twelve years old, dark hair
sweet tempered. Maybe you could
We'll i there's my nephew U. s. Grant. aged
nine"
Charles Augustus Caesar aged cleven-'
Carolina Virginia, fifteen, pretty. blue eyes
and"
Pm no good at 1t, old man,
Harriet Lucille
Jan" jan NJ Grey S0 clothilde-'
s nes DC e %na spare haSsnt mad.
start In lem. and you crying for mercy. You can't
Of moi Thirty OF 'em, but I've already taken
care Of twenty, and you can't make one suggestion
I've got 10 find seventeen more yet! Goodby," he
shouted running frantically for suracecar. guess
can fix Frederick william and Augusta Victoria this
afternoon. Then I'll hunt up something for Marie
Louise add" but the was gone, carrying deeper
Into his misery the distracted uncle Of thirty
nonhoVa and niecca