The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1891-12-13

Z We tell 'efn the truth about themselves
to their faces, aud scorn to court 'em.
AS to wenturesomeness in the way of
putting up the lots, the Dear Jacks beat
us hollow 1t is considered in the Cheap
Jack calling that better patter can be
made out Of a gun than any article we
put up from the cart, except q pair Of
spectacles. | often hold forth about a
gun for a quarter Of an hour, and feel as
if / need never leave off. But when
tell 'em what the glln can do, and what
the gun has brought down, never 20
1 half SO far as the Dear Jacks do when
they make speeches in praise of their
guns-their great guns that set 'ern on
to do it. Besides, I'm in business for
myself; l amt sent down into the mar
ket place to order, as they are. Besides,
again, my guns don't know what | say
in their laudation, and their guns do,
and the whole concern of EN- have rea-
son to be sick and ashamed all round.
These are some of my arguments for de-
claring that the Cheap. Jack calling is
treated i'll in Great Britain, and for
turning warm when think of the other
Jacks in question setting themselves up.
to pretend to look down upon it.
courted my wife from the footboard
of the cart. | did indeed. She was a
Suffolk young woman, and it was in
Ipswich market place right opposite the
corn chambers shop. | had noticed her
| mp at window last Saturday that was.
approaching highly. | had took to her,
and had said to myself IF not already
disposed OF I'll have that lot" Next
Saturday that come / pitched the cart
on the same pitch, and / was in very
| H3gh feather indeed, keeping 'en laugh
ing the whole of the time and getting
off the goods briskly At last / took out
of my waistcoat pocket a small lot
wrapped in soft paper and put it this
way docking up at the window where
she was) 'sNow here, my blooming
English maidens, is an article, the last
article Of the present evenings sale,
which | offer to only You, the lovely
Suffolk dumplings bling over with
beauty, and won't take bid of thou
sand pounds for from any man alive
Now what is it2 Why, I'll tell You
what it is. It's made of fine gold and
it's not broke, though there's q hole in
the middle of it, and it's stronger than
any fetter that ever was forged. though
it's smaller than any finger in my set of
ten Why ten2 Because, when my par-
ents made over my property to me, | tell
| you true. there WIS twelve sheets,
twelve towels. twelve tablecloths, twelve
knives, twelve forks, twelve tablespoons
and twelve teaspoons, but my set of
fingers was two short of dozen and
could never since be matched Now
what else is it? Come, I'll tell you. It's
hoop of solid gold wrapped in silver
| curl paper that | myself took off the
shining locks of the ever beautiful old
lady in Threadneedle street, London
city; | wouldn't tell you so if | hadn't
the paper to show. or you mightn't be-
lieve it even of me. Now what else is
| ii? It's man trap and a handcuff, the
parish stocks and leglock, all in gold
and all in one. Now what else is it:
It's a wedding ring. Now I'll fell You
| what I'm going to do with it. Pm not
a-going to offer this lot for money, but
mean to give to the next of you beauties
that laughs. and I'll pay her visit to-
morrow morning at exactly half after
nine o'clock as the chimes go, and I'll
take her out for walk to put up the
banns. She laughed and got the ring
/ handed up to her. When called in the
| morning she says. .'Oh, dear, It's never
! you, and you never mean itg' ..It's
ever me, /" says l, "and am ever yours
and | ever mean it, So we got mar
ried, after being put up three times,
which, by the bye, is quite in the Cheap
Jack way again. and shows once more how
the Cheap Jack customs pervade society.
She wasn't bad wife, but she had a
temper. If she could have parted with
that one article at sacrifice wouldn't
have swopped her away in exchange for
any other woman in England. Not that
/ ever did swop her away, for we lived
together till she died, and that was thir-
teen year. Now, my lords and ladies
and gentlefolks all, I'll let you into a Sc
cret. though you won't believe it. Thir-
teen year of temper in a palace would
try the worst of you, but thirteen year
of temper in a cart would try the best of
| you. You are kept SO very close to it in
cart, you see. There's thousands Of
couples among you getting on like sweet
lie upon milestone in houses five and
six pairs of stairs high that would go to
the divorce court in cart. Whether
the jolting makes it worse, don't UNI
dertalze to decide; but in cart it does
come home to you, and stick to you.
Violence in cart is SO violent. and ag-
| grawation in cart is so aggrawating.
We might have had such pleasant
| hfel A roomy cart, with the large goods
hung outside, and the bed slnng under
meath it when on the road, an iron pot
and kettle, fireplace for the cold
weather, chimney for the smoke,
hanging shelf and a cupboard, a dog and
horse. What more do you want? You
draw off upon bit of turf in a green
lane or by the roadside, you hobble your
old horse and turn him grazing, you
light your fire upon the ashes of the last
visitors. you cook your stew, and you
wouldn't call the emperor of France
| your father. But have temper in the
rart Hinnyiuor iauot,oUa and fha bar.daat