Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-01-15
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTs AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Nothing Against Him--Averting a
Public Disaster-That Was the
Essential Point, etc, etc.


Essential Point, etc, etc.
NOTHING AGAINST HIM.
"I.end you dollar? Why, sir, Iueycr
saw you before in my life. | don't know
you"
''Ii's that fact which is my only hope
you'll lend mt the dollar. - Philadcl-
phia Times.
tvERrING pCBLIC DISASTER.
"My good girl" said an experienced
amusement purveyor, ''take my advice
and don't 90 on the stage"
Il suppose" She said, sharply, 'you
are going to undertake 10 save me from
a terrible fate, or something of that
sort"
'No,n he replied, solemnly, Il was
thinking of the public. - Washington
Post
THAT WAS THE ESSENTIAL POINT.
81 can't find where that plumber did
anything to this heater"
Neither could |. told the man, but
he said we'd certainly find it in the bill.
WILLING TO TRY.
"Emmeline can you keep a secrct?'
he whispered hoarsely.
81 don't know. Inever tried to. What
is it!'-I Philadelphia Times.
IT LOOKS THAT WAY.
Aunt Edith Where is your father,
Peggy!
Peggy guess he's gone in the par
lor to see sis and her beau.
why do you think so2'
"He took a lamp with him..
An INSULT.
Fred-I didn't mind Taylors dis
charging me so much as did the insult
he subsequently offered me.
Frank-What was that2
Fred--He advertised for boy to I'll
my place. : Yankee Blade.
sLANGY CAPTAIN KING.
Kitty Nostrand-Won'ty you show me
Mr.. Van Nobs; he's in the race, isn't
he.
Captain King--I think not.
Kitty Nostrand-But his name is on
the programme.
Captain King Well, there he is; that
last man. You don't call him Sin it, ~
do you?-LThe Weeks Sport.
A FERDINAND AND MIRANDA QUARREL.
''Havc you seen our friend Bookworm
since his marriage to Miss Strongmind'
Sniifyln asked Truflle.
eyes, frequently"
"Their home must have delightful
literary air about it"
''It certainly does. Do you know it
constantly reminds me of Shakespeare's
works.
''ln what, pray"
"rhere is always Tempest'in IT,
[Chicago Times.
JUST LIKE HIM.
He certainly wasn't handsome, but he
had loving heart.
He bought his adored one present of
a pug that broke down all the usual
standards of ugliness and set up one of
its own.
The gift went right to the affections
of the gushing maiden.
"Oh, thank you, James, thank you, -
she warbled. ''It's Just like you, so it
is."-L Courier-J Journal.
UNUSUAL ADVANTAGES,
"One hundred dollars month";" said
the young doctor, looking for place to
hang out his shinglc, "is an enormous
rent for little office like this. ~
''But look at the location, " replied the
owner of the building. 'It's nearer
than any other house by ten feet to the
football grounds across the way
LChicago Times.
PROBLEM.
Mathematicians figure that man &C
years old has spent three years buttoning
his collar. How much time has been
consumed by woman of 45 in putting
her hat on straight9-[ Life.
THE WAY IT HAPPENED.
Edgerly-Hello, old mani hea,
that you are married. Wasn't it rathe
sudden4
Wooden.-Well, yes, a bit sudden
perhaps.
Edgerly-How did it happen3
Woodcn-Well, you see, it was il
this way. was calling on Miss Simeon
from Chicago, and she said: "Do yor
think, Mr.. Wooden, that marriage is al
ways failure?" "Why, no, " said | ''no
always. | can imagine case where j
would undoubtedly be a perfect success.
At this she leaped up, threw her arm
around my neck and said: "This is yer,
s1dden, but you have made me the hap
| piest of women. Let next Tuesday b,
the day."
TESTED AT ONCE.
"No, never carry my watch when
go out" she said, artlessly. 81 am sc
careless that it wouldn't be safe. Why
person could steal anything right from
under my nose and wouldn't miss it. .
Then the young man stole a kiss
right from under her nose and she didn't
seem to miss it Chicago Tribune.
A WIDE CELEBRITY THEN.
"You see that big, broad -shouldered
fellow up the corridor there2 That's
young Fobkins, one of his college eleven !;
quite a celebrity--a half back"
"Whe-ew what a celebrity he'll be
when he gets his whole back. "-[ Har-
per's Weekly.
THE LAME MANS JOKE.
'It's funny" said Jones, as he limped
out of the park, 'that, although there
was no skating until mid-winter, | did
all of mine before the fall. = Detroit