The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-05-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

hOoSs eSONs
An open-faced watch-the yawning
policeman.-Drake's Magazine.
A dead heat must be the kind that is
used in crematory.-Bufato Erpress.
1t is strange. but the dregs of pot
of red paint are always blue.-M Y
Herald.
The first serpentine walk was laid
out in the garden of Eden.-Ptttsbatrg
Dispatch.
In lending money to the Lord al
ways be sure of your middleman.
N. Y. Herald.
Your wife seems vexed." Eyes.
She went out to match some ribbon
and found it at the first store. Life.
''What have you got to plant to get
family tree, anyhow" asked Wag.
Ancestors" returned Wiggles.-M
r San.
He-''So Jack isn't devoted to Kate
any more. Did they fightP'' She
Yes; they had an engagement. D
Yale Record.
The only Office that seeks the man
nowadaysis on the top floor of seven
story building with no elevator
ElnairG Gazette.
Many persons admire the bouquet of
fine wines. but almost any kind of
liquor will make nose gay if you use
enough of it.-Bostoi1 Herald.
How is your boy getting along at
me that he goes to Boston every night
to study the stars. boston Gazette.
Before you start out to attain seat
on the highest pinnacle of fame bear
in mind that it runs up to pretty
sharp point. Indianapolis Journal.
The angels are beautiful" said the
mother softly to her youngest boy.
are out of sight. p Washington Star.
I've made some pretty tough
springs" said the car spring manu-
facturer, "but nothing to compare
to the spring of 1912 Washington
Post
If man is bad his mother says it is
because his wife does not understand
him, and his wife says it is because his
mother always spoiled him.-Atchison
Globe.
Tommy-"Paw, what is a 'true-blue
party man'?" Mr. Figg-''He is
man who votes the straight ticket
when it is crooked. Indianapolis
Journal.
WAS your elopement a successP"
Hardly "What went wrong?"
.'Her father telegraphed us not to
return and all would be forgiven. p
Harper's Bazar.
Lebermann-"I owe ten thousand
al do TIL tn
pay up. Now, let me think who can l
start to borrow the money fromp"-
Fliegemde Btatter.
'1'm going to write play for the
new society actress" Did she give
you any idea what she wanted?" Yes.
She described her dresses to me."-
st. Joseph Neaos.
Master Cto new servant-''Why do
you always ring that small bell right
after ringing the regular dinner bell?"
New Servant-''That's to call the chill
dren, sir."-Drake's Magazine.
Guest Gin a downtown restauranD
Waiter, a piece of mince pie"
Waiter-..Yes. sir. With or without?n
Guest-"With or without what?"
Waiter-"Nightmare. ."-Puc6.
Freshy-'-O, deah, I weally cawn't
rest nights, don't you know. Do you
happen to know of cure for insom-
niaPn Miss Barnard-'.H Have you ever
tried sleep, Mr.. FreshyP yP"-BEue and
White.
College Professor-''Your father is
wealthy farmer, l understand. He
conducts his farm on scientific princi-
pies, presumed" Student-''No, he
fn
Weekly.
Popinjay-"There goes a man who
was brought up with a silver spoon in
his mouth" Ponsonby-'.I know
man who was brought up with dozen
silver spoons in his pocket. ."-Jeaoeter's
Circular.
Mrs. Breezy (with hammer)-
There, I've hit the nail on the head
at last" Mr.. Breezy why do you
put your finger in your mouth?" Mrs.
Brezey-'That was the nail l hit."-
~ z. San.
II mastered French in six lessons"
said the liar. Yes, supposed so,"
said the cynic. II noticed you never
allowed the language to have its own
way when you tried to talk it,
st. Joseph Neeos.
80 you've lost the lovely Miss
Bullion?'' Yes, sir. 1t was cold
day for me when her father discovered
I was paying her attention" "A cold
day. Why. / heard that he fired you"
~ Y Press.
do you think he really has any
hope of winning her, against young
Cadsleigh's money!" 20, no. l don't
think he's in the race to win. He is
merely playing himself for place.
Indianapolis Journal.
Sympathizing Citizen THAT wooden
leg of yours doesn't seem to support
you very we'll, my friend" Veteran
mo, not very well. The government
allows me only $50 month pension
for it. ."-Harper'S Bdzar.
Three different museums in this
state are happy possessors of the pony
on which Sitting Bull was killed.
What successful double-team circus
rider the old Indian would have made.
-Bimghanaton Republican.
Miss Physics-"Dear Mr.. Physiol-
ogy. you remind me of a barometer
that is filled with nothing in your
upper story" Mr.. Physiology-'.You
occupy my upper story. my dear Miss
Physics. ."-ROchester IdEisnldn.
IF you insist on breaking our en-
gagement, Miss Ficken. shall make
your letters public" ''You are well
como to do SO, Mr.. Scamper; there is
nothing in them that l am ashamed of
except the address. ."-Brookty'a Life.
''Now." said the anglomaniac to his
valet, ''as we are to take the next train
you may get the checks" (Which do
you mean, sir" inquired the valet,
with respectful reproof, your brawses
or your trousersP"- Washington Post.
81 say, Diogenes." cried light,
unthinking youth, ''what are you 60
ing to do with all those umbrellas?"
"Hush," replied Diogenes. Don't
delay me. have struck the great in
fallible honest man test."- Washington,
Post.
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