The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-03-04

Times.
The only man contented with his lot
occupies it in the cemetery.-Ia1ds1as-
Gpolis Journal.
Gosline-''M Rexy is little chic,
doncher know" Dolley-''Yes; but
not spring chic. ."-Harpers Bazar.
Marriages are called matches" be-
cause they are sometimes followed by
scratching. g.-Neso Orleans Nea0 Delta.
The man who lost his money is in
position to denounce prize-fghting and
its attendant immorality.-Nea0 Orleans
Picayune.
When Shakespeare wrote that parting
is such sweet sorrow he voiced the re-
gret of many bald-headed man.-St
Joseph Nes0S.
Exhorter-sBrother, do you want to
be savedP" Young Broker (absent-
Anything in itP''-Mil-
waakee Sentinel.
Bradstreet's commercial agency does
not profess to see into the future, but
it's great place to get fortunes told.
st. Joseph Nesos.
Never speak i'll of anybody; you can
do just as much executing with shrug
of the shoulders or significant look.
-MilaOGukee Sentinel.
81" said Blinks, started life with
out cent in my pocket" ''And l."
put in Hicks, started in life without
pocket. Brooklyn Life.
Were you touched at the minister's
eloquence last nightP" inquired Weeks.
Yes" returned Wentman, gloomily,
flor $10."-AnneTicd7a Grocer.
Jinks-"Has there been any scarcity
of money in EuropeP" Winks- There
was with me. had to come back in
the steerage. IN. 7. Weekly.
Stranger 'That Mr.. Harrow is one
of the solid citizens of the place. pre-
sume." Villager = t'Yes-siree. He
bought his coal in th' summer. Good
Neaos.
He-.What do you think of the Alli-
ance for third partyP" She (glancing
at the chaperon)-'1 never knew of
third party helping on an alliance. .
N. 7. Herald.
The man who will complain that
twenty minute sermon is too long will
sit half day watching couple of
chess-players making two moves
Norristoo0ra Herald.
Accepting the philosophers theory
that money represents trouble it is sur
prising to see how many people are
willing and anxious to borrow trouble.
Washington Post.
Capitalist-'Well, you have been
given the eight-hour day, now what are
you going to strike for?' Agitator-
1--WE want the hours shortened to fifty
minutes. Buffalo Egpress.
Has any one sworn to this state
mentP" said the President of the COM
pany when the Treasurer presented his
report. mo one but the stockholders
was the reply.-LosOeU Citizen.
Funny Man-''Sa tell me something
funny" Horse Editor How would
one of your jokes strike youp" Funny
Man Indignantly joking on
serious subjects, please. y Washington
Star.
Sick Man-sTm afraid 1 can't have
you any longer, doctor; my money IS
all gone" Family Physician Cheer
fully)-'O, that doesn't matter. I've
insured your life in my favor."-M. Y
Weekly.
Mrs. Wedgewood = II know I'm
SA ooo at OALiCSs OOuA, Oub IL udSl my
life to live over again l would marry
you just the same" Mr.. Wedgewood
81 have my doubts about it, my dear"
Epoch.
According to the Constitution
mans life cannot be twice put in jeo-
pardy. What bearing has this on
person engaging the same doctor to at
tend him more than once?-Phttadet-
phtG Times.
In the present progressive age the
man who waits to be sure he's right
and then goes ahead usually finds that
he has been anticipated by somebody
who was willing to take few chances.
-Wasbington Post
Little Boy-sDo hotel clerks get
very big salaryP" Kentucky Uncle
mot often" Then how can they af-
ford such big diamondsPn We'll, you
see. they don't have to pay anything
for their Ticker. Good Nea0S.
Can you really recommend this
clothP" '.Most certainly; it is the
finest thing that we have in the shop"
you have, l suppose. something finer
in stockP" Certainly, here they are,
in all olorsm-Fliegeade BLatter.
Tommy, you ought to be ashamed
of yourself. I'm sure your Bible
doesn't teach you to wait for another
boy and throw stones at him. 'It
does's far as I've got. I'm only in the
first part yet. Indianapolis Journal.
This" remarked the book reviewer
as he looked at the mass of latter-day
novels accumulated during his abb
sence, 'this is what might be called
+aL 7 ~,
cies of the season. indianapolis Jour
nal.
sit was beautiful day when I had
my portrait TAKEN" said old Gen.
Growler. Il don't see why we didn't
get a likeness" You must have
obeyed the photographer and looked
pleasant" returned Mrs. G.-M. z.
Sun.
Now, Mr.. Bronson, we want
Scriptural quotation for our church.
fair tickets. Can't you think of onep"
asked the fair maid. Certainly"
said Bronson. How will "A certain
man fell among thieves doP"-M Y.
Herald.
''Are they heirs-at-law?" inquired an
attorney of one of his clients interested
in an Inheritance. ''At law?" was the
explosive response. Well, L should
say they were. They've busted the old
mans will all to thunder. y Washt1ag-
ton Star.
Fair Shopper-''What is the differ
ence between these two pieces of
goods?" Clerk-"One is marked higher
than the other" Yes; but what is the
real difference between themp" Il
just told you-a marked difference. y
Buffalo EGpress.
First Burglar Gas the electric light
flashes brightly Hist! Let US 60"
Second Burglar body onto usP"
First Burglar-'No. but under the
words solid gold on them price tick
cts is 81. 49, writ in small fggers. p
Jesceters' Weekly
What are the findings in the caseP"
inquired detective of the attorney in
a burglary decision. Mighty little
that you had to do with" was the cruel
reply. and the detective went out to