The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1891-08-22
LOVE AND SOFT SOAP.

real backwoods Yankee. the genuine
down-east greeuhorn? Verg likely
you never did. but one really exists
outside OF the Illustrations in the comic
papers and Tom Thompson is the
man.
Tom is the pure and perfect speci-
men OF the ideal country pumpkin.
His long. lean shanks could not possibly
be any longer and leaner without bav-
ing a pair OF tongs for his paternal
ancestor. and every solitary lock Of
his carrot-colored hair flaps about his
cabbage-leaf ears with the self-satisfed
wiggle OF the tail Of sucking calf.
He Is as green in appearance as IS
whole vegetable garden in addition TO
all that
Thomas is really only twenty-one
years old. but looking at his puckered
and sun-scorched features. no person
OF judgment would ever suppose him
10 be less than hundred and fifty.
Indeed, the youngster bears a most
striking family resemblance 10 we'll
baked Baldwin apple.
Our callow hero for years has strug-
gled to cultivate an average set OF
whiskers but somehow they always
look as II affected by drought APP
parently his whisker patch needs irri-
eating. Anyway all the beard he has
succeeded in raising up To the present
time is a struggling and dilapidated
goatee about the color OF q slice OF
fried pork.
N.Y. isn't Tom bashful? He dom,
dare 20 look a strange cat In the face.
and when.it comes TO girls well there!
He has always acted as IL he would
sooner hug keg OF powder with his
cuff buttons red hot than perform a
like ceremony for the prettiest piece
OF proud flesh that ever trod shoe
leather. But in spite Of that fact he
has had a sort OF far-away hankering
after Susan Twitchell for some time.
Tom" said Dad Thompson 10 his
dlffdent heir one evening not long
since. Tom, why don't yer git mar
rieder
IL darsL't Dad" suffered poor
Thomas. blushing like "a blood beet IN
his agony. II sartinly b'licve i,
would kill me
''Oh git cout!'' snorted cid Thomas
In disgust Here I've been MARI ed
nigh onter twenty-five year, an il has
never killed me onst"
II know II. Dad; but yer ONLY mar-
ried Marin. an cant dew that
That don't make any odds. Tom.
Yer old 'nuff ter git married, an MR.
ried you've gotter be and that's ill
there is tew II. You've got kincer
sneakin' goneness on account o Suse
Twitchell. an yer know IT, So you We
gotter gin her pop ter onst an zee
what she says"
%. Dad. can't I'D melt right
deown inter dab o grease the minute
tried her. Icouldn't pop ter any gal
an live through IL least OF all ter Susc
Twitchell."
'Shet up.n snapped out the oil ms N.
''Harkee now. This Is the month o.
May an the ole woman has jesi made
yer a May-baskit- Meow you've gotier
GO an hang II ter Susc this very night,
an when she ketches yer you've got
ter AK her abeout gittin' hiIchtd.
Then the hull bisness II be tended
tew."
mo 'twont nuther. don't b'liove
twill be any more'n begun quaver,d
Tom. his teeth rafting like Tag ~
brass buttons. III twas only 3 man,
now. | wouldn't kerr
'Shet up. yer fool grow.ed tie o'd
man again. There's yer baskit now
mizzle."
And before the poor fellow could re-
monstrate further he found hi nseif
pushed out on the doorstep will tie
undesired May basket in his Land.
while his determined old father calmly
closed the door upon him.
He could not have been much mon Q
terrified and yet have retained the
least particle OF sense. but he had al
ways been an obedient son and tabi.
was still strong within him. =, h.
started slowly of up the road touarG
Twitchells. still mechanically holding
the fatal package Of bonbons liz his
trembling grasp
The house OF his adorable was
reached all too soon. but when Com
came In sight OF 1t he gave a sigh OF
relief IL was wrapped In utter dark
ness from cellar TO garrett and the
night was cloudy and moonless be-
sides.
Gosh 81 they hain't turned in air
lyr' muiiered Thomas burst OF
thnnkfulness yelling up from his
heart. 'Suse can't crawl outer bed
an enter caliker quick enough ter
ketch me- now swan ter snakes. As
longs won't have ter pop darn bit
reckon I'd better hang the basket as
Dad telled me tew."