davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
Perpetual Lightning.

The United States Consul at Mara
caibo, Venezuela, has described some
singular natural phenomena of an unin
habited forest region, rich in asphalt aud
petroleum, between tho rivers Santa Ana
and Zulia and the mountains of the Co.
lombian frontier. Orc of these, near
Rio Orc, is horizontal cave constantly
ejecting thick bitumen in large globules,
which explode with considerable noise
and fall into a large deposit at the
waters edge.
At another spot, some miles from the
confluence Of the Tara and SardiDete, is
what the few who have seen it call the
"Inferno." 1t is sand mound twenty
five to thirty feet high, with an area of
5000 square feet, from which innumer-
able streams OF petroleum and hot water
are constantly being forced, with the
noise of the blowing-olf of several steam
boilers. One stream is said to have
yielded four gallons of excellent petrol
cum In one minute.
The inaammablo gases from this
region may give rise to the appearance
of constant lightning, without thunder,
which has long been witnessed from the
entrance to Lake Maracaibo. -MeU York
Journal.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
Preserving Bird Skins.

Some marine fowls arc so fat that great
care is required in separating them from
the skin, especially in warm weather,
when the oil or grease is likely to run
over the feathers or Inter strike through
the skin. To prevent that, while remov.
ing the skin keep your hands we'll dustod
with corn meal or fine sawdust, and when
the skin has been pushed from the body
scrape off NIL the fat you can with a blunt
edged table knife and then apply quaint
ity of powdered white chalk to absorb
what remains. Alum is only preserva-
tive and not an absorbent of oil. When
the chalk has become we'll saturated With
the oily matter and has greasy appear.
ance, scrape it off and apply another coat
The number of applications necessary
will of course depend npon the quantity
OF fat on the skin. When the oil and
grease has been removed annoint it with
arsenicar soap and wash with solution OF
corrosive sublimatc, as usual with ali
kinds of bird skins before they are stuffed
and set up.-Mew YORK. Sun.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
Paris is Full of Spies.

The instant you arrive at n Paris sta
ticn you are in the midst of spies. You
are driven to a hotel in a cab. In half
an hour the cabman will furnish the po-
lice with any particulars he may have
been able to gather concerning your DO
sition, destination, business, etc. Ar
rived at your hotel you become the OBJ
ject of scrutiny, as close as it is secret,
on the part of divers persons, who,
though attached to the place in the ca
pacity of manager or cashier or even
porter or "boots," ore in reality enrolled
soldiers of the great detective army. And
here may mention special character
istic of the French detective system, its
faculty of recruiting adherents in all
classes of society. French .spies for the
most part are not simply spies and moth
ing more. They have trade or occupa-
ton of their own, to which they seem
wholly and solely devoted, while yet as
siduously pursuing sub rosa their spying.
Detroit Free Press.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
ton, quite sufficient to read by. a

ton, quite sufficient to read by. Also
they are worn by the ladies for orna-
ment. as many as fifty or one hundred
sometimes adjoining single ball dress.
The insect is fastened to the costume by
q pin run through its body and is only
worn SO long as its lives, for it loses its
light as soon as it dies. Perforated
gourds arc commonly employed for lan-
terms filled with the firehies, which are
aroused occasionally by shaking, SO that
they shall light up their luminous disks
as brightly us possible. The people of
Italy believe that glow worms are of n
spiritual nature, dwelling in graves, and
SO they carefully avoid them.
The biggest insect of its Kind in the
world is the Hercules beetle of South
America, which grows to be six inches
IN length. 1t is said, whether truthfully
OF not, that great numbers of these
creatures are sometimes seen Oh the mum.
m@a tree, rasping the rind from the
slender branches by working around
them with their horns until they cause
the juice to flow, This juice they drink
to intoxication and thus fall sense!ess %
the ground Washington Star.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
Demanding His RIGHTS

There was class of mon in the navy
mot yet quite extincD known as s.sea
lawyers" men blessed-or cursed--yitb
no end of tongue and their own udsouo
Interpretation of the naval regulations.
On the slightest pretext they desired to
Estate their case" to the executive off.
Ger. Not unirequcntly, however, they
got Roland for their Oliver. One such
man, careless at drill and all other du-
ties, appeared on the quarter deck one
morning to seek his rights. Jacks story
was patiently listened to by the first lieu.
tenant, over whose face a grimly humor-
Gus smile occasionally played. Finally,
he asked the man if he had improved 10
his Grill. "Yes, sr;p was the reply.
Then "Attentiou. Salute. Right about
face. Quick march," were the orders
rapidly given by the smiling officer; and
no further word of command was ut.
tered to bring the astonished man back
to the quarter deck to learn the result of
his eloquence upon the executive au.
thority. - Times Democrat.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
A Baby RnilMay.

Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn. N. Y,
is to have railroad to itself. The
Brooklyn Heights Railroad Company has
given out all tie contracts for the con-
struchon of n cable road on Montague
street, between Court street and Wall
street ferry. 1t will be one of the small
est street railroads IN the country, the
total length being just $500 feet, but its
projectors expect that it will be profit
able enterprise. The fare has not yet
been decided upon, but it is likely that
arrangements will be made with the
Union Ferry Company for trip from
Court and Montague streets to New York
for five or six cents. The cars are to be
the most gorgeous of any surface road in
the United States
They will be eighteen feet long and
trimmed in solid mahogany. There will
be three lights instead OF one in the roof,
aud the platforms will be half inclosed
by vestibule front. The cable will be
run at the rate of six miles an hour. AS
q safeguard against accidents while going
up and down the steep hill leading to
Well Street Ferry the cars will be
furnished with two independent sets OF
brakes. In winter the street is to b.
kept clean by sweeper operated by thu,
cable Chicago Post.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
TnE pIsArroINrEp oENERAL.

a General Of the FIRST Empire, as brave
rs his own sabcr, but caring as little for
Champollion rs a fish for an umbrella,
heard one fine morning that his Abide
Camp was setting out for Egypt.
"You arc going to Cairo7 Much good
may It do you'll Bcastly countryI But
1 want you to do me favor. There has
been SO much talk of mumm les lately
and have never seen one. That
bothers me; it makes me look SO foolish,
dye see. Do you mind bringing me one
back with your"
"AIost happy, General"
A year later the officer returned tc
Paris aud called on the General.
"And my mummys"
at is below"
Some soldiers carried up sarcophagus.
The first and second shells were removed,
while the General looked on in anxious
expectation. At last there appeared the
mummy, swathcd in bnndagos. Tho
General leaned over with eager curiosity,
then suddenly drew himself to his full
height and exclaimed, while darting a
savage look at tho unhappy Abide
Camp:
"Why, man, it's deadl-C Chicago
News.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
NOT TO DE FOOLED.

Snow, jest you so right along; you
needn't stop here :" said Farmer Hayfork
authoritativcly. 81 don't want no
lightnin' rods"
81 am not selling lightning rods" re.
sponded the slcek-looking peddler, whose
sudden appearance at the gate aroused
the ire of Fa4mer Hayfork.
~ don't kcer what yer scllin'," re-
piled the farmer. az don't want it, an
won't take it, an that's all there is
about it. know the tricks of you city
sharpers. read the papers, do. You
can't catch me on any double back-action
pumps, or any self-working churns, or
patent Egyptian corn fresh from the
Pyramids-not much; and don't want
to take any mowers on trial, either, and
sign receipt fer it and have it come back
as ninety-day note fer $40, 900. No,
stree. And You can't buy my farm,
either, and then have me buy it back at
big advance, because some confederate
of yours comes along and offers twice
what you gave fer it. Nixyl I'm no
chicken. Now clear out"
81 only want"
"Oh, yes; you only want to get my
name to anything at all, so you can
make note out of it. Pm up to all
such tricks. read the papers, / do"
81 only want to show you our new
patent reversible hens nests"
"What on airth is them2"
"lts an ordinary hens nest, only it re-
verses itself every time hen lays an
egg, and drops the egg into a basket be-
low"
"What good is thatl"
"Can't you see2 The her turns round
to look at the egg, but it amt there, and
she concludes she didn't lay any. and
sits right down and lays another one, and
SO on. Only $50"
by gam! Gimme dozen. "-Ne,O
York Weekly.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
THE COOP NAruRED Man.


Tho man who is good natured is a blessing to
humanity.
You never hear hin, growing nor indulginS
in profanity.
Hes loved by big and little; cen the dogs in
his community
With wagging tails will follow him ut every
opportunity
He gives his only dollar to whoever is un-
fortunate.
He lends sympathetic car to those vino are
importunate;
No matte: how you treat him he will greet
you with urbanity
And set a good example to professors of
Christianity.
In case he meets person with suicidal
tendency
he makes him see the beauty Of the world in
its transcendency,
And drives away his blueness with merry
.r popularity
That sends the gloomy person into spasms of
hilarity.
This man is good naturcd, never practices
duplicity;
The life lie leads is honest AMI marvel of
simplicity,
he never has an enemy; he feels no ami
mostly,
And everywhere establishes friendly re-
cprocity.
With him you get acquainted without wait
ing for formalty
And right away you like him for his unre-
serve ! cordiality;
lie may be plain of feature but you never
see his home.iness,
For pleasant smiles AMI kindly tones impress
you with his comciiness
He being always happy has wonderful
facility
or making those around him share and show
his amability;
The good he does i'll cheering his too much
oppressed fraternity
Gives them joyous life Oh earth and fits
them for eternity.
H. &. Dodge, in Chicago Sun.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
WORDS OF WISDOM.

Our power lies in the strength of our
htuitions.
Most men take life as they fnd Atdcc-
!ors in particular. X
Kind words never die; unkind words
don't die, either,
1t is vanity to wish to live long, and
20 be careless to live well.
1t is strange, but the dregs of u pot of
''red paint" are always blue.
Probably troubles never como singly
because misery loves company.
Tho highest and most profitable lesson
S the true knowledge of ourselves.
AS rule the less folly man is cursed
with the more he breads his own foolish
ness.
1t isn't safe to judge man by tho
,lothes he wcars-they may belong to
MS roommate.
Now it is my nature to accept every
offer that means wider outlook from o
aigher point of observation.
Flo who does right from principle is
just ninetyfour per cent ahead of him
who does right from interest.
y car makes man Save TO OtnerS.
This is the tyrant's chain. Anxiety is
form of cowardice, cmbittering life.
For us ship without rutlder is tossed
to and fro with the waves, so the man
that is negligent is many ways tempted.
First, there occurreth to the mind a
simple evil thought; then strong imagi-
gination; aftcrward delight; aud lastly
consent.
The man who stands ready to break a
lance with all self-opinionated opponents
will fight more windmills than ever did
Don Quixotc.
This is the law of benefits between
men; the one ought to forget at once
what he has given, the other ought meyer
to forget what he has received.
Energy will do anything that can be
done in this world; and no talents, no
circumstances, no opportunities, will
make two-lcgGcd animal man with
out it.
A sclf-forgettiug affection, a devotion
That will make any surrender or any
sacrifice for its object, is not rare. Vir-
tue is rs common as common sense.
Virtue is manhood, and without it man
would be no more.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
Keep Away From Australia.

"rhe streets of Melbourne and sgd.
ney," says gentleman from Australia,
"swarm with the unemployed. They
are not vicious or lazy-on the contrary.
are, many of them, intelligent to de-
gree. 1t is common to find among this
army of unemployed graduates of Eng
fish notwithstanding men of culture,
whose families stand high In social circles
at home, These young men are lured,
to Australia by the romantic charm that
seems to envelope new countries at a
distance, and they expect to secure com
petencc in very brict time. They 90
there, live high while their money lasts.
and only learn their mistake when every
shilling is gone. / could secure the ser.a
vices of 1900 intelligent, young, healthy
men Tor Sl.25 week end board. Tho
ranches are glutted with help, and ex.
perienced help at that, "--Dexon Fres
xTe2h, 4.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
RErRIBuTIoN ron LYING.

Bingo-''I got n new suit today"
Mrs. Bingo-"IIow extravagant! You
have two suits already"
Bingo-"I know it; but it's cheaper
in the end"
Mrs. Bingo-"Do you think so2"
Bingo-"Of course I think so. By
wearing them alternately have a con-
slant change, and, besides, they last
longer"
Mrs. Bingo-"Of course; and the coats
don't get shiny so soon, either"
Bingo-"Ccrtainly not. 1 knew you
would come around to my way OF think
ing"
Mrs. Bingo-"Why, of course.
shall order another silk dress at once."-
Bdzdr.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15

A story circulated at the time OF
Emperor Williams death is Just now
again being repeated. The tale had
something dramatic about it and recent
events lend to it an air of probability.
The old Emperor, on his dcath-bed, sent
for his grandson and explaining to him
the difficulties of government and the
possibility that he might be Emperor
while still young man, made him
promise to associate his younger brother
in the administration of affairs. Tho
young Prince gave the promise, which
was exacted perhaps because the En-
peror foresaw the premature death of
his son, or because he had that idea of
parental government which has always
been so strong with the family of the
Hohcnzollcrns. And now, according to
the Pail Mall Gazette, the time has come
to redeem the promise. The Emperor
has sent for his younger brother, Prince
Henry, of Prussia, and ordered him to
quit the active service of the navy and
prepare himself for moro important and
imposing functions. He is to take his
elder brothers place whenever the
Emperor cannot preside in person at
state ceremonials or receptions. He is to
be kind of Regent or Lord Lieutenant
to the Emperor. William II. is fond of
voyage and adventure. Like his an
cestor, Frederick H., he seems never so
happy as when he is away from his own
capital, but still in his own dominions.
Is the move intended to give the young
Emperor greater freedom in his state
duties, or is it merely obedience to
solemn promised Chicago Herald.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
A LESSON IN rRoNuHcIATroN.

GLOW do you pronounce do, Dir.
Fcatherly.' said Bobby, at the dinner
table.
"Do, Bobby" replied young SIr.
Featherly, indulgcntly.
GLOW do you pronounce d-e-w?"
"D-u-c-w," and here Dir. Fcatherly
pu. on genteel air for the benefit of
Bobby's- big sister.
"Well, then, how would you pro-
nounce the second day of the week."
"Tewsday, think"
"You're wrong"
"Wrongf How would you pronounce
the second day of the week2"
"A1onday. - &ieago Ne,os
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
HER BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

Little Nell-"Sister will be down in
moment and l'm to entertain you till
She comes, cause mamma said so. I
guess Ill so on with my Knitting"
MIR. Niccfcllo-"Whnt is it YOU are
making, my little dcar2"
''It's birthday present for sister, and
she mustn't know anything about it till
her birthday comes, you know. You
won't tell her, will you2"
''No, indeed. What is it for2"
"Oh, it's just little bag, like mamma
has, to put her watch in mt night Sis
ter hasn't any watch, but guess she can
use it for her hair-pins, or her bangs, or
her teeth, or something. - Good Ncus.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
BUDGET OF. FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES TEOM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Signs of SprinG--It was Not There
-Couldn't Proceed without Him
Sighed for Largc-scaIc
StInGiness, Etc, Etc.

There's kind of curious, lazy, lulin' feelin'
in tho breeze,
An the early buds are bendin' meath tho
weight of honey lees;
The downy doves are matin' in the wood
lands where the stream
Is clenr an shinin' mirror where the sun
beams love to dream.
You can SEQ tho buds a-swclliu' on tho
branches, once so bare,
AN tho cattle-thpy are grazin' wiora tho
tender blades appear;
1ou can hear thc birds a-chirpin in their
nests or OH the wing,
But" Enclosed please find poem" is the
surcst sign o. springl
-Geor0ia Buzoo.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
Hops.

Hops are first mentioned By Plinv the
5oung plant being at that time used as q
vegetable, much as we use asparagus
Not until the sixteenth century were the,
used as an ingredient in making beer,
When their cultivation was first intro.
auced into England from Flanders, there
vas great outcry raised against it. The
people petitloned Parliament against al.
lowing a "weed" cultivated "that wonld
spoil the taste and endanger the people. II
st. Louis Republic.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
nE WAS EQUAL To THE EMEneENcY.

Mrs. de Flatte-"Boy, did you see a
stray pug dog around here anywhere2"
Smart Boy-"Yes'm. 1 just saw one
bein' chewed up by a big bulldog and I
saw another bein' tied to n tin can an
kerosene poured all over i'm, an 1 saw
another bein' chopped up for sausage,
am"
Mrs. de Flattc (clutching at raiin.-
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
LOVE AND WAR.

Spatts-''It is said that all is fair in love
and war, but there is one great differ
cnce between them"
Bloobuinper-" What is it2"
Spatts-'In love the fighting does not
begin until after the engagement is over. 4"
-NeO York. Sun.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
DuRGLARrNG A DUDES MOUTH.

"Say, pard, they amt none o. these
fellers here got anything" said train
robbcr No. l.
Eyes they have, too" said No. 9.
"That ar dudes got gold film in his
teeth. Got yer foIceps'"
NAV"
Then gimme yer corkscrew. We
gotter get them teeth. "-Basur.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
INcoNGRUITy.

Miss Ethel-"Yes, indeed, we girls
are fully alive to the justice OF the popu
lar criticism on chattering woman, and
that is the reason we organized our
thought club"
Dir. Blank-"T Thought club"
eyes, and it's doing us q world of
good"
az do not doubt it."
"Yes, indeed. Why, at the last meet
ing we talked for five whole hours on the
advantages of silent meditation. y
Chicago NeUs.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
A SLIPPERY OPINION.

Amateur Actor-"Wcll, what did you
think of my Hamlet'"
Candid 'Er-um-; we'll, to
tell the truth, if I'd been the old mans
ghost I'd ha' spanked youl"-Puck.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
MARRIAGE ETIQUETTE IN TEXAS.

Wcsterly-"Did you read about the
Texas girl whose fiance did not appear
IN church at the time appointed"
Brown-"No. What did she do2"
Westerly-"She borrowed the minis
ter's revolver and asked him to wait
few minutes. Within half an hour she
came back with placid smile and sub
missive bridegroom. ''-Mua8eys Heekly.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
NOW FOR An ExrLANArIoS.

"He Yves awfully nattcring. He said
my cheek was the color of his favoritc
rose" said MInudc.
"IIe told me he liked yellow roses
best, returned the genial Estcllc.-
New York Sun
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
DISTANCE LENDS ENcuANTMESr.

Hostess--"Don' you think my daugh
ter has fine voice, Mr.. Bronson, and
that ought to send her to Paris to have
it cultivated2"
Bronson-"Yes; if were you would
send her at least rs far rs that. life.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
CRUEL.

"That was sympathetic audience I
had, asked the lecturer.
"Ycs. thought they all seemed sorry
for each other, said his bosom friend.-
N0W IorGs Sun
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15

for support)-"Oh, ho-:orsl I'd give
IS 70 get my little Fido safely back
Smart Boy-"All right, num- You
wait here helf minute. - Good Ne,es.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
IT WAS NOT THERE.

Snoopcr-"I bought these SO trousers
IN lit of economy"
bunker surveying the garmcnt)-'I
don't see the fit. "-3funscy's Weekly.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
COULDN'T PROCEED WITHOUT HIM.

Old Gentlcmcn-"AIy boy, where's
your employer2"
Office Boy-"A Attending funeral"
o. G.-"Indecdl Whosc7"
o. B.-"IIis own. - Yale Record.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
NEEDS A KEY.

Mr.. Fresh, 4-"Profcssor, now how
would you classify the language spoken
by the guards on the elevated trains?"
Professor Languc-"As verbal her
oglyphics. "-Euck.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
HONESTY THE BEST POLICY.

Hc Crying to play trump card)-"As
Ipassed your house last evening thought
I heard an angel sing"
She (stifily)-"I was at the theater
last evening. Mrs. Mulhooly aud her
twins were at our house visiting the
cook. - Good Ne,es.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
SIGHED FOR LAnoE-scALE sr1xc1yrs

SIGHED FOR LARGE-scALE srISGINEss.
Frugal Husband-sI wish 1 had $780,
600 n year"
Unappreciative Wifc--"What for2
You don't spend quarter of your pres
ers. income"
+. H.-"Oh, know; but then could
economizc on larger scale. Life.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
noRE HIS uoNoRs HUNGRuY.

jaxon (who has been introducing
Jixon into society -"You carried your
self capitaily, old fellow. You were an
honor to the OCCASION"
Jixon (who didn't get all he wanted to
eat)-"Well, if l was, was an empty
honor, 1 can assure you. - Washington
Post.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-05-15
IMPROVEMENT on RAILWAY sASpw1cuEs

Scene, Central Authoritarian of the
express train at the chief town.
Train-dispatcher Ito the engineeD-
"What does this mean2 1 don't see any
conductor"
Engineer-'No, the tirst-class passen.
gers have eaten him up since we started.
Mercury.