The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1891-05-09

Pressed for time-Mummies

y ~~~E
take up tudy.
Mr.. Gould cannot deny the impeach-
ment that at one time In his career he
was poppin' Jay.
The merchant may know nothing OF
the pugilist but he has daily struggles
with the price-hghter.
II you don't want people 10 look al
ways on the dark side OF life give them
an occasional peep at the other side.
Every heart knoweth It's own bitter
ness. Many n man who looks happy
Is wearing a shirt his wife has made.
II you have found some one who
knows how To scratch your back Just
where II itches you have come pretty
near finding your affinity.
An agricultural editor says that the
best article he ever saw on milk was
cream. Some city people think that IL
Is not very widely copied.
A. / hear that you are going to
marry a widow with $40, 900. B.-You
have got things mixed. am going to
marry $40. 900 with widow.
Milicent-What do you think. Maud?
Mr.. BullEsh has proposed TO me. Maud
We'll always thought he'd marry
anybody who would take him.
II you are told that you resemble a
great man say nothing. II may be
that the resemblance will cease tho
moment you open your mouth.
He (iacetiously)-A do you think
baby will resemble me- wife? She
(tartly)-I shouldn't wonder; he keeps
me awake at night often enough.
Grand opera comes high. doesn't
TIP" said her husband. referring 10 the
price OF admission. Not very high In
the neckg" she replied, CHANGING at one
OF the boxes.
One thing / ought TO tell you before
you make up your mind 10 marry my
daughter; she sits all day at the piano"
"Oh, | don't mind that at all II she
doesn't play"
Teacher-Correct. Woman Is In the
feminine gender. Now the sentence
speaks OF young woman In fashion
able attire. What gender Is attire?
Bright Boy-Masculine
She-My poor dear father knew
Washington so intimately. and | myself
was born on the 22d OF February, so OF
course / feel like-like-- He (help-
ing her ouD-Like relic.
Amateur-Why Is II that all English
actors have such long strides Re-
formed Methinks the reason OF
IL is that the railroad ties are placed
further apart in England than here.
Her levity aside Is thrown,
The world she deems sham
In fact, she has so pious grown
She won't eat deviled ham.
HE Is welded 10 his art said
Hicks apropos OF Sketchy. tho artist.
You're wrong. He pays too much
attention TO his art 10 be welded 10 IL.
He Is engaged 10 IL, said Mrs Hicks,
scornfully.
why. hello. old boy. haven't seen
you since you were married. What
are you doing nowg Travelling for the
house. suppose?n mo not exactly.
Since the baby came have become a
hoorwalker.n
First. Actor-You never introduce
your wife 10 any Of your gentleman
friends. Why Is that? Second Actor
Because IL would be OF no use None
OF them will clopc with her I've tried
IL time and time again.
An eye 10 the future. Il don't SEQ
how you can be pleased at the idea OF
your brother marrying her. She's 20
fast and haium-scarum. She'll never
make a good wife. "Oh. but she'll
make such delightful chaperoue.
There Is one thing about you.
d'Auber. that / can't understand. ="
said Schumble. What Is that. old
fellows" THAT with your uncqualod
taste In art you should have such a
large collection OF your own pictures. ="
An old lady was consoling a Belfast
man who was recently injured by a
telegraph wire. After learning how
the accident took place. she said:
bad luck TO 'em. They are all hum
bugs. The celestial lights all ought TO
come down"
Mrs Porkly--I often wonder how
people manage 20 understand each
other In France. Mrs. Gotham-How
absurd. Mrs. Porkly-I don't think
IL absurd at ALL Both my daughters
speak French and they can't understand
each other.
Countryman (buylng now suit OF
clothes) Pears 10 me. Mister. that these
pantaloons are too short. Lowenstein
Wy. my friendt dot vas our special
style for suburban residents. You don'd
hat TO roll dhose clodhings up and look
like Won OF dhose silly dudes.
"wlt thou take little smack with mer'-
They loitsrcd by tho snilful sea
Then dropped her lnshes modcstly,
AnA p,fldfv tneeLIv hiushfnf