The Portland daily press., 1891-09-07

cure, the money paid for 1t will be refunded. The
only lung remedy possessed Of such remarkable
curative properties as to warrant its makers
in selling it on trial
2 In the Alps.
The landlord is writing out the bin with the as
sistance of the head waiter. slave you noticed
that the gentleman in No. looked at the wealth
or yane every morning during his stay here2'
ives, sir; every morning."i
Then Well put down, for use of weather vane
three francs "-Lntransigeant
Premature grayness is overcome by using
Halls Hair Remover.
Anxious rother-What in the world did you do
during that terrible thunder stormP,
Little Dick-l got under tree.
Anxious mother-Horrorsi Don't you know a
tree is the most dangerous place in a thunder
storm2
Little Dick-Oh. jumped out every time it
thundered.-Good News.
For fever and ague. and mlasmatlc diseases,
Ayers Ague Cure is a positive remedy.
Very Inquisitive.
Allow do you like your landlady?
B-She is a very clever woman, but she has en-.
tirey too much CURIOSITY.
A-lH what direction?
B-She Is always asking me when am going to
pay my board BILL Texas siftings.
The happiness of mother and child depends
upon the health of both, a lady writes: "My boy
and are splendid, thanks to Mrs. Pinkham and
the Vegetable Compound"
Letting No Chance Slip.
Housewife-If you are not away from here in
two minutes I'll send for policeman.
Hungry Higgins-Giye me the arrant, ma'am.
Ill hunt up one fer yer fer only ten cents
Indianapolis Journal.
For scrofulous disorders and mercurlal dis
eases, the best remedy is Ayers Sarsaparilla
At Bar Harbor.
He ito Boston girD-You are cup" on geology.
Can you tell me what kind of rocks these are we
Boston Girl-To the unengaged they are trap.
To the engaged they are gneiss.-Life.
Baby cried.
Mother sighed,
Doctor prescribed: Castor,8s
Bigg-Well, Harris, how're your folks In the
country?
Harris-Oh, they're all right-theyye sent for
donkey.
Bggs-Are you going?-Brooklyn Eagle.
Our national game without Johnson's Anodyne
Linimert to rub the heroes2 Impossiblei
Presence of Mind.
Mr.. Practical Joker, while getting his clothing
checked at a concert, was struck on the head by
falling rafter, and bled protusely. doctor
bent over him, assured that he was dead, when
MIR. .IOKQr ODanad his
Here is dime, my good fellow; tell them to
check the flow Of blood along with my hat and
coat"-Lowell Citizen.
Awoman who Is weak, nervous and
6leepless, and who has cold hands and feet, can
not feel and act like well person. Carter's
Iron Pills equalize the circulation, remove ner-
vousness giyestrength and rest.
"Hello, Wickersl Is that you?''
Eyes. How are you, Rybold?"
''Sit down here. There's iust room enough.
Never mind picking up the paper. It's the Morn
ing Grind. Pm done with II. l was inst reading
the dramatic column, It's the sickest, drearest
driyel ever waded through. Well, I'm glad to
see yoIl. What are you driving at, anyhow, these
days9"
"Pm the-aw- dramatic editor Of the Morning
Grlnd."-Chicago Tribune.
My friend, look here! you know how
weak and nervous Iyour wife is, and you know
that Carter's Iron Pills will relieve her, now why
not be fair about it and buy her box2
A Conscientious Artist.
81 am very sorry, sir" said the artist, "but
cannot undertake your portrait"
And why not. pray?"
at would ruin my reputation, SIR. Your color.
ing Is bad, your head is out of drawing, and alto
gther faithful portrait of you would be extremely