davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19
AN ESSAY ON MAN.
A Kansas Humorst Comes to the Front with
Wisdom and Wit


Man that is born of woman is
small potatoes and few in hill.
He rises up to-day and fourishes
like a rag weed, and tomorrow or
the next day, the undertaken hath
him. He goes forth in the morning
warbling like lark, and is knocked
out in one round and two seconds.
In the midst of life he is in debt,
and the tax collector pursues him
whenever he goeth. The banister
of life is full of splinters, and he
slideth down with considerable RAJ
pidity. He walketh forth in the
bright sunlight to absorb ozone,
and meeteth the bank teller with a
sight draft for 1857.
He cometh home at eventide and
meeteth the wheel barrow in his
path. 1t riseth up and smiteth him
to the earth, and falleth upon him,
and runneth one of it's legs into his
ear.
In the gentle spring time he put
teth on his summer clothes and a
blizzard striketh him far from home
and filleth him with cuss words and
rheumatism. In the winter time
he putteth on winter trousers, and
a wasp that abideth excitement.
He starteth down into the cellar
with an oleander and goeth back
ward, and the oleander cometh af-
ter him and stitch upon him.
He buyeth a watch dog, and
when he cometh home from the
lodge the watch dog treeth him
and stitch near him until rosy
morn. He goeth to the horse trot
and betteth his money on the brown
mare, and the bay gelding with a
blaze face winneth.
He marrieth a red-headed heiress
with a wart on her nose, and the
next day the parent ancestor goeth
under with a fee, arrest, and great
liabilities, and cometh home to live
With his beloved son-in-law. Tile
Wjchs (Ka1a) Democrat,
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19
Mrs. Millions Ride.

When Mrs, Million goes to ride she trav
els forth in state,
Her horses, full Of fire and pride, sc
prancing from the gate;
But all the beauties Of the day she views
with languid eye,
Her flesh in weakness wastes away
her voice is but sigh.
For Mrs. Million is in an advanced
stage of catarrh, and all the Injuries thai
wealth can buy fail to give her comfort
She envies her rosy waiting-maid, anc
would give all her riches for that young
woman's pure breath and blooming health
Now, if some true and disinterested FRIEND
would advise Mrs. Million of the wonder
full merits Of DR.. Sages Catarrh Remedy
she would know that her case is not pas
help. $500 reward is offered by the man
ufacturers for case of catarrh in thu
head which they cannot cure.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19
Remarkable Rescue.

Mrs. Michael Cnrtain, Plainfeld, H.,
makes the statement that she caught cold,
which settled on her lungs she was treated
for month by her family physician, but
grew worse. He told her she was hopeless
victin. of consumption and that no medicine
could cure her. Her druggist suggested
DR.. Kings New Discovery for Consu mption;
she bought bottle and to her delight
found herself benefited from first dose.
he continued its use and after taking ten
bottles. found herself sound and well, now
does her own homework and is as well as
she ever was.-Free trial bottles Of the
Great Discovery at Woodward g. Conley's
drug store, large bottles zoe and 81.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19
a Fortunate Womsn.

Mrs. Mary L. Baker, Of Ovid, Mich, has
reason to be very thankful. She was a
great sufferer from heart disease for years
Was short of breath, and hungry spells,
pain in side, futtering, faintness, ETC. At
ter taking two bottles Of DR.. Miles New
Heart Cure, she says, II am better than
for 20 years. My mind and eyesigbt have
improved wonderfully. I advise all per-
sons thus afflicted to use this great remedy
Woodward & Conley druggists, recommend
and guarantee it. DR.. Miles work on
heart disease, containing marvellous testi-
monials, free.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19
Bucklen's Arnica SaIVe.

The Best Salve in the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fe-
yer Sores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chill
blains, Corns, and all Skin Eruptlons,
and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
quired. 1t is guaranteed to give perfect
satisfaction. or money refunded. Price
% cents per box. For sale by Woodward
& COnleY
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19

ayers Medicines have been satisfac-
tory to me throughout my practice, espe-
cially Ayers Cherry Pectoral, which has
been used by many of my patients, one
of whom says he knows it saved his life. ,
F. L. Morris, Nj. D., Brooklyn, n. I.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19

Taken daC0y
sick headache, bilious headache,
dizziness, constipation, indigestion,
bilious attacks, and all derange-
ments of the liver, stomach and
bowels. It's large contract, but
the smallest things in the world do
the business-Dr. Pierce's Pleasant
Pellets. They're the smallest, but
the most effective. They go to
work IN the right way. They
cleanse and renovate the system
thoroughly but they do it mildly
and gently. You feel the good
they do but you don't feel.
them doing it. AS a Liver Pill.
they're unequaled. Sugar coated,
easy to take, and put up in vials,.
and Theoretically sealed, and thus.
always fresh and reliable. A per-
feet vest pocket remedy, in small
walls, and only one necessary for a
laxative or three for cathartic.
They're the cheapest pill you can.
buy, because they're guaranteed to
give satisfaction, or your money is
returned.
You only pay for the good you
get.
That's the peculiar plan all DR..
Pierce's medicines are sold on,
through druggists.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19
Miles Nerve and Liver Pills.

An important discovery. They act on
the liver, stomach and bowels through the
nerves. A new principle. They speedily
cure billiousness, bad taste, torpid liver,
piles and constipation. Splendid for men,
women and children. Smallest, mildest,
surest. so doses for IS cents. Samples
free at Woodward & Conley'S.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19

1t is not the extremes of heart and
cold so much as sudden changes in
temperature that cause certain climates
to be unhealthful. When, however, the
system is invlgorated with Ayers Sals lpa-
rilia, these changes are rarely attended
with injurious results.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19

the time in going into and out OF certain
apartment which was entirely OF his own
CONFERENCE.-The lady's boudoir and hall
dressing-room.
All was ready now, even to the gorgeous
pin-cushion and cut-glass scent-bottles with
tops of Indian silver; and he had gone sc
| far as to provide an exquisite silver box II
which were powder and puff He arrang.
ed the pretty things afresh for the fftieth
time, and ended by ,snuffing the violet pow
| der all over his mustache in his eagerness
to test it's perfume.
The bugle sounded. One more parade
only oue-for he would be off before dawn
on the morrow to meet his wife,
The charger paved the ground before the
door. Jim put on his gloves, sword, and
helmet; the groom held the bride, and IN
another moment Jim was off at mad
gallop The Captain sahib was never too
early for parade, and the dear old horse
knew it.
How gallant and handsome the young OIL
Ger looked, as he refined up for moment to
see what effect his masterpiece produced
upon the beholder from the road! 1t only
he and Nelly could manage to time their ar
rival for just that hour of the evening when
the shadows were long and the setting san
| lent such enchantment to the temple among
| the palms, to the patriarchal well-yes, even
to the cool green plantains which still wore
an injured look, but were pleasant and rest
| full to the eye!
/ A shake of the reins and another mad gal
lop brought Captain Blake on to the parade
ground just in time to meet the Colonel leis-
urely riding up.
| Talking and laughing, together they ap-
preached the regiment; then the junior ON
Ger was about to turn aside to take up his
position, and the Colonel opened his mouth
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19
THE CELEBRATED
OCuIist and Aurist

Announces to the people of Kenosha
that as he has been unable to attend the
patients that called to consult him he has
agreed to stay TWO days upon his next
visit, as there were two difficult surgical
operations on the eyes which ne could not
take the time to perform. and several par
ties wanting glasses fitted, etc.
He desires all patients that have opera
tons to be done on theireyeS to cOmein the
first day so that they can be seen the next
day if necessary. He does all the opera
tions on the eye, ear, nose, and throat,
and he defies any surgeon to be able to do
these operations with more delicacy Of
skill, and in as quick time, and with as
little pain as he does. Most all the opera
tons on the eye, ear and nose are per-
formed without chlorOfOrm or ether, and
without pain,
He will straighten cross or squint eyes
in two minutes.
Removes Cataract in two minutes.
Plarygrium or film over the eyes--one
minute.
Irdectimy-tWO minutes.
Turning in and out of lids, and wild
hair, ETC., removed quickly.
Stopping of LacnrYmal (tear) duct
CduSIuS al ONCAlIOW VI OCdiS, DCLHIouCHI-
~ cured.
Polypus tumOrs in nose or ears removed
in two minutes.
Opening Of the eastachian tube leading
from throat to ear in two minutes.
Removing tonsils and clipping uvula,
one minute.
Everyone Of the above operations, per-
form, except cataract, and patients can
90 home without danger.
will do all surgical operations
that come in this trip for Just half
price-Remember this!
Physicians having cases to be operated
upon are especially requested to come
with the patients if possible.
Parties wanting spectacles fitted are re-
uuested to call this trip, as it requires
considerable time to examine the eye with
the opthalmoscope and fit glasses, and /
guarantee a fit in every case.
Deaf patients should call first day and
second, too if possible, and get double
treatment.
Glass Eyes Fitted.
Read this and send it to your neighbor.
''Do unto your neighbor as you would
be done by"
CONSULTATION FREE.
Address with stamps.
W.. O. COFFEE, M. ."
41S Jackson ST., Milwaukee, Wis.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19

When the doctor entered a few minutes
later, Nelly was told that the Angel OF
Death had indeed been with her, but not to
stay. He had passed on and claimed the
Colonel, who died quite peacefully.
The old man was found dead in the chair
where he sat watching through the long
night outside Jim's door-"Within CALL" he
said
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-03-19

1t was only a four-wheeled cab, laden
with luggage, driving away, and five little
hearts that were breaking, and five little
sodden handkerchiefs that would not wave
because they were SO wet and heavy with
The morning call., 1891-11-18
"AH" WRITER.
An Assistant District Attorney as
a Merchant"

w. G. Wittar has earned for himself
Chinese title. Hereafter lie may properly
be known as "Ah" Witter. as he has be-
come partner in Chinese store. "Ah"
Witter had hardly become possessed of the
dignity of being 'merchanL' when the news
was heralded in and about the Appraisers
Building, and on his appearance he was
greeted from all sides with "Ah, thereW
until "Ah" Witter was driven hence.
1t cannot be said that prosperity fits him
we'll" He don't seem bit proud. He says
he is angry; not so much that he is liner
chant as at what his being a merchant
means. He thinks it is a reflection on the
Government in some way, and he is threat
ening to have some one arrested. 1t all
happened thu5lv:
There have been many, many bonds ac-
cepted with Chinese sureties. In several
cases the principal defaulted, leaving his
bondsmen in the lurch. In the past il has
been safe to do it, as up to few weeks ago
there had been no effort on the part Of the
United States District Attorney to recover
on the bonds. When W. G. Witter, As
sistant United States District Attorney,
was put in charge by Mr.. Garter of the
Chinese prosecutions, he caused a general
stampede by his increasing efforts to re-
mand the Chinese to the other side of the
Pacific. However, the principals. who had
defauted, failed to appear. and to their
DOnuS MT. Nltter next turned his attention.
Wriis of attachment against the property
of several Chinese sureties were secured.
The first to come up regularly on the calen-
dar was the case of Chin Sue Doom, part
owner in the store of Shew Sing Teong at
10 Commercial street. He, like the rest
had qualified in the sum of $500. Yester-
day his interest in the store was sold al pub
lie auction by United States Mar-
shall Long The price for this stock,
which should be worth $500, was slowly
bid up 10 $3.50. This was with the aid OF
the far-seeing, super-zcalous Mr.. Witter
To further boost the figures he called out
1915
Three hundred and seventy-fv I'm bid
who'll give me $500? $500! S400!"
But no one bid that figure, or any figure
above the $375 OF Mr. Wittcr, and after
several minutes the goods were Knocked
down to him. Mr.. Wltter turned red, pink,
blue, yellow, green; then settled down to
haunted paleness, while United States
Marshal Long was hoarse for hours.
Mr.. Wllter wants TO know several things,
to wit: Who will buy tho stock? Who will
manage it for him In the mean time, so as
not to be robbed or sold out by his many
Chinese partners? Why lie bid at all?
Whether he has really got $500 worth of
stock for S375, or whether he should have
Chin Sue Doom arrested for perjury in sign
ing the bond?
The morning call., 1891-11-18
NOTES FROM ABROAD.

Green is still the color rage of Paris for
outdoor wear.
Dublin University has bestowed the de-
gree of Doctor Of Laws upon woman.
Five Jewish students have been arrested
in Moscow for urging the Jews to exercise
patience and likening the Gar TO Pharaoh.
Hundreds of fish are still alive in the royal
aquarium in ST. Petersburg that were placed
there more than one hundred and fifty years
ago.
The sea pOstoffice system recently estab-
lished on ocean steamers to Europe saves
fully FIVE hours in the time OF delivery of
mail
A company of French capitalists have I'M
dertaRen to plant oysters i'll the Black Sea
along the coasts of Crimea for Shipment 10
St. Petersburg and other large cities of the
interior.
The trans Caucasian railroad has become
so unsafe on account of the baud of robbers
which have of late been formed in the noun
tains that the entire line, by an imperial
ukase, has been placed under military con-
troll.
Prince Henry of Reuss is an amateur COM
poser Of sufficient merit to have won the APP
prevail of the musical world of LEIPZIG by
symphony which Is claimed to be fall of
beauty
French watches take the form and colors
OF flower. A beautiful enameled pansy, with
a diamond edge, has time-piece beneath its
petals. 1t is fastened with diamond
headed pin on the left side of the bodice.
The morning call., 1891-11-18
WONG YUN'S WORK.
He Skipped With $4,000 Of
His Employees Money.
a Chinese Contractor Who Was Entrusted
With Large Sum of Money to Pay OF
Laborers Goes North.

A hundred or more coolies in Chinatown
are hungering for the gore of one OF their
fellow Celestials who is known as Wong
Yum, and also as Wong Yin Wan. The
canning companies, it appears, do not hire
their hands individually. but pay one man
stated amount and he employs the requis-
ite number of hands. Yum was one of this
species and held the contract for the Alaska
csnneries to the amount Of $4,000. he IS
a member of the firm of Wah Hing Chung
at 127 WaverIy place. through the influence
of which he worked his knayish tricks.
Wien the men left the canneries Yum told
them he would pay them when he had
drawn the money from the company. lie
was one of the last to arrive in the city,
which happened about TWO weeks ago. lie
drew $1,000 from the company, OF when
Louis Sloss is the representative, put ala
not settle accounts with the men, saying ne
had not yet collected the money, but would
have it for them en- Monday. When that
time arrived Yum was found missing. In
quiry developed the fact that he had on Sat
urday drawn another $4,000 from the can
nereS company.
When Yum failed TO materialze the
coolies began to collect around his business
place and make Rome howl. Finally 4ee
Doom suggested an application to the police,
and inquiry developed the further informa-
tlon that the willy Yum had skipped out via
the Oregon express on Saturday night. At
torney Stranahan took charge of the case
for the ignorant coolies and conferred with
Chief Crowley, after which kilograms were
sent along the line, and yesterday afternoon
the pleasing answer Came to the coolies
that Yum had been arrested at Victoria,
3. C.
About $500 was found on him at the
time. but what he has done with the other
$4,000 is not known. He was On the point
of setting sail for China. Yum is a rogue
of the first water, for he had scarcely re-
turned from Alaska before lie commenced
his knavish tricks. He identified fellow
cOuntryman named Dang Tong at the Lon
don and San Francisco Bank, and the meek
eyed Mongol casEed draft il favor OF 81
Toy Tor 500. The Endorsement was alter
ward found to be forgery and \ un was
arrested. He was out on bail for this when
lie skiOnad
The morning call., 1891-11-18
A SLOW CONTRACTOR.
Preside People Tired of Waiting 70
Their Boulevard.

Their Boulevard.
The following letter from Major J. II.
Lord, Q. NJ, U. S. A, was received yester-
day by Clerk Russell Of the Board of Super
visors:
Referring 10 your communication OF June 4th,
In which you state that lhe work of grading on
Lombard street would be completed within
ninely days. and also 10 your communication Of
the 10th OF September, IN which you stale that
the matter OF delay in grading would be laid b ~
fore The Committee on Streets for action at III
next meeting, have TO call your attention 10
the matter gain, and TO urge that effective steps
Dr. taken at once 10 have the WORK pushed 10
completion, which can be done in a very short
time If taken properly IN nand. AT present the .
Is such little progress made that The work Is
virtually abandoned.
More than a year ago the Federal Govern
ment appropriated S32, 600 to macadamize
Lombard street, from Van Ness avenue to
the Preside, distance Of fifteen blocks.
owoners would sewer and curb the street
the Government would construct road
bed of macadam twelve inches deep.
The property-owners were delighted with
the Cffer, and proceeded at once to do their
portion of the work. Part of it was done
by the city and quickly completed. The
other portion A. L. Buchanan managed to
the work is still dragging. 1t promises to
drag year or two more. Buchanan is the
contractor who Is couspicuously anxious to
have the Market-street grade changed.
The objccting property-owners charge his
zeal in the matter 10 the fact that he is as
sured of the contract and proposes to make
100000 out OF 1t. They also say that the
strong argument against the change, be-
cause II he is as slow on that work as on all
other work he undertakes the grade will not
be changed for twenty years.
The morning call., 1891-11-18

health. He has not been well for some
time and 1t is hoped the voyage and alb
seuce from business will work the desired
change. Theitrip may be extended to China
and India.
General Agent W. II. Snedacker of the
Rio Grande Western will arrive here to-day
FROM Southern California. 1t is said that
he expects soon to meet President Dodge in
this city, in a conference concerning the
possibilities of extending the Rio Grande
Western to this city.
Work is being pushed on the projected
pen insuar road to run from San Diego into
Lower California AT last reports 1876 men
were at work near San Quintin. 1t is hoped
to have twenty miles of read in operation by
December 1st.
The new dining-car T. W. Pierce, running
between Oakland pier and Sacramento, has
been changed from the 80 Sacramento
train to the Central Overland. which now
leaves here at o'clock in the aiternOondaily.
A Phillips Rock Island excursion ar
rived here yesterday with $50 people from
New \ ork and BustDn.
C. c. CRANE of the Vanderbilt system will
leave to-day for Portland and Tacoma.
The morning call., 1891-11-18
A NAITER,S FORTUNE.
He Leaves a Restaurant for His Italian
Fat imony.

He Leaves a Restaurant for His Italian
Fat imony.
One of the passengers on the Gaelic,
which arrived from Japan on Thursday,
was Carlo GATH, a merchant of Yokohama.
The fact that he was a stranger with an
Italian name was sufficient to invest him
with the title of Count-an honor which, to
his credit, Gatti disclaimed.
His presence in this city was TO find his
nephew, who when last heard of was in
Kansas City, but who was believed to have
lived for some months in San Francisco.
The nephew's name was Dominica Z0ucada,
and his fathers recent death had left for
his inheritance considerable property,
Although Dominica was 81 years of age
and had presumably arrived at years of dis
erection, he had been unwise enough 10 run
away from his Italian home. and when
found was working as an under waiter in
the restaurant of the Palace Hotel.
Uncle and nephew left for New York on
Sunday evening. Gatti had a letter Of
credit on a New York bank for $4,000, but
as he could obtain no identification the
local banks refused to cash it, and lie was
hard pressed for funds. lie was Obliged to
hypothecate his watch and jewery to
obainsthe necessary sum for transportation
to New NOrk
The morning call., 1891-11-18
FELL TWENTY FEET.
Death of James Galligan, an Inmate of
St. Mary's Hospital,

Death of James Galligan, an Inmate of
st. Mary's Hospital.
A horrible accident occurred at St.
Mary's Hospital yesterday morning about
10 O'Clock, resulting in the death of James
Galligan, who has been an inmate for about
three months. He was leamster by occu-
patton, lived at Fifth and Minna streets
and had been in the hospital for almost
total blindness.
About the hour mentioned Thomas Nc
Sl0y was standing in the hallway opposite
the Sitting-roOm and saw Galligan grope his
way out of Ward into the sitting room,
which adjoiDS the ward. He made his way
to the window and raised it, but as he took
his hands of the sash lie fell forward aud
out OF the window to the pavement, twenty
feet below, striking on his head. Death
was instantaneous.
His body was picked up by Nurse Cum
mingS, and in the afternoon word was sent
to the Coroner's office aud the body was
taken 10 the Morgue
The morning call., 1891-11-18
TEHAMA-STREET FIRE.
The Only Correct Account of 1t Was in
THE Call"

The Only Correct Account of 1t Was in
1.-The CALL
THE CALL" said Fire Commissioner
Schmitt yesterday, was the only news
paper that gave true account OF the Te-
hama-street fire aud the correct amount of
losses" SO. said also the Fire Marshul and
the engineers of the Fire Department.
Il am glad" said Assistant Chief SufIl-
van, that The CALL related how the
three-way hose saved the eutre block from
destruction. You may state that if the
proprletors of the destroyed Pioneer Car
pet-beating ana Pacific Dycing and Clean
ing Works keep their word and rebuild at
once they mustdo so under our supervision.
In reconstruction all the damaged build
ings must keep within bounds OF the ire
laws. Fire escapes and stHnd-pipeS must be
put in. One triplet is worth dozen single
streams upon small fire, for the reason
that the smaller streams are turned into
steam before they reach poiI.t of vantage"
The work of clearing away the ruins of
the fire was commenced yesterday. Al
stated yesterday the damage 10 buildings
amounted to $4,000 and TO the contents
$50, coo. TIE figures given yesterday were
verified by Fire Marshal lowe,