Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-04-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The pickpocket has his business at his
fingers ends.-Epoch.
1t takes two to make a bargain; but
only one of them gets it.-Puck.
A man never fully realizes the wealth
of information he doesn't possess till his
first child begins to ask questions
mira Gazette.
"It don't pay to be kind to pets, /" said
Johnny. ~ filed the goldfish globe up
with milk one day and the fish all died."
-Harper's Basar.
.'Are you acquainted with thisa" asked
Banks, as he displayed an unpaid note to
Its maker. .'No, replied Kyting, ~
never met it."---Pslck.
Boggs-"Hicks seems to well-in-
formed man." Foggs-"Yes, his wife
Is Secretary of the Home Missionary So
ciety."-New York Herald.
The young man sadly counts his cash,
And finds, to his great sorrow,
His sleigh rides left him scarce enough
To hire cab tomorrow.
Washington Star.
Namby-"She is very rich; do you
suppose he had tender feeling for
her3" Hooks-"Of course, of course, a
legal-tender feeling. ."-New York Her.
aid.
Frightened Female --"Leave the
house, sir9" Unabashed Burglar-"Oh,
Iwasn't going to take it-only the sill
verware and jewelry, nom. Pleasant
evening, mon. ."-Danscille Breeze.
Hard on the Nerves: He discussing
electrocution)-"I think decapitation is
the worst death. don't think I could
meet it calmly" She-"No; you would
probably lose your head. Yale Record.
How oft vague presentment
OF coming III depresses us
When IL we'd but look back we'd find
TITS breakfast that distresses us
Puck.
Harry-s'I soc it stated, Miss Dora,
that London ladies are alwaysin terror Of
being sun-kissed. That terror does not
extend to this country" Dora (shyly)
-"Well, it depends on the son. CHI
cago Inter Ocean.
Patrolman-"They'v just took
foater out of the river with cross
marked on his forehead with knife"
Chief-"Start right out and arrest every
man that isn't able to write his name. -
indianapolis Journal.
"Do you frequently pen this sort of
thing2" asked the editor of the poetic
contributor. "Oh, yes; very frequent
ly." swell, why don't you pen them SO
that they cannot get away and stray
around like this2"-Liqht.
At a Workingmen's Congress: Door.
keeper Ito stranger)-"What are youa
A possibilist, Guesdist, solutionist,
Marxist, Eupist, Bianquist or collect
ivist2" Stranger (taken aback)-''I--.
I'm machinist. - Chicago NeDs.
Since every dog will have his day,
Pray, Towser, take thine own;
But be content with that, we pray,
And leave the night alone.
- Washington Post.
'.I noticed that tramp left the house
as came over the hill, /" said the farmer.
YES" replied his wife, ''he left the
house, but he managed to get away with
about everything else in sight. Maybe
he'll come back after the house later on"
- Washington Post
As one by one our idols fell
And we of heroes were bereft,
Our grief, OF course, we sought to quell
By thinking there were others left;
But now the tides of sorrow swell
Unchecked, and deep's our melancholy,
There never was a William Tell,
And Vallombrosa's leafiess wholly.
-Neu York Press.
Mild Old Gentleman (goaded to mad
ness by next room lodger)-ssGood
gracious! What are you pounding the
furniture in that way for2" Idle Party
"Trying to kill time" Mild Old Gen.
tleman (after deep thought)-"Well, ]
suggest that you also try to deaden the
sound. ."--Americaa Qr9cer,