davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
He Couldn't Smell Anything.

There is wag about the Fifth Avenue hotel
who wants to lick somebody. He has had the
grip recently, says the New York Times, and
was complaining to friends that he could
neither smell nor taste anything A few days
ago he noticed that these friends looked at him
somewhat curiously and, as he fancied seemed
to avoid him. One man actually shifted at him
and CURLY suggested to send for an under
taker. From being hurt he finally became
angry. When a dudish young man strolled
into the barroom, therefore, and, having shaken
hands with him and taken a seat, immedi-
ately jumped up with something like horror
depicted on his face patience fairly broke her
leg.
Good gracious!' exclaimed the newcomer,
catching at his nose.
Now, what's the matter with me? Look
here-I'm getting mighty weary of this monkey
business and won't have It'll See? No, I'm
BANKED II I'll have any more of it. WAT are
you up to? That's what l want to know. Any
thing the matter with me?"
Il beg pardon, stammered the offender,
somewhat dismayed at the unexpected explo-
sion, but, is It possible"
lis what possible? Out with it! or I'll
"D-don'tl My dear boy, don't! was going
to ask you If it were possible, don't you know,
that you don't s-smsll anything don't you
know Eh? Good gracous Really"
Smell ANYTHING? Smell whatS'
What? THAT'S it, old man-what is it?
Something r-r-wotten, don't you know. Like
er-old r-r-wotten cheese, and"
A sudden CLEAN of intelligence rustled over
| the face of the innocent victim of his fellow
creatures. and he put his band in his pockets.
and crumblin< collection of Limburger that was
| strong enough to make goat faint.
Il can kick the man who did that all over
| the place" said he; but, while there were sew
| eral interested and highly amused individuals
in the vicinity, no one acknowledged the
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
The Bothersome Seal

The frisky seal gives the President great
deal of trouble The North American Com
mercial Company and all the members of
his cabinet want HIM to reject EDgland's
proposition for closed season in Boring
sea. Secretary Blaine says that it is au-
dacious for England to suggest closed
season in waters wholly under the control
of this country. But Secretary Blaine
wants TO serve his friend Elkins, who is
deeply interested in the North American
Commercial Company. That company
will get no seals this season if highlands
proposition is accepted, and it will be at
great expense in taking care of its plant
ana providing for those of its employees who
reside on the seal islands.
The commercial company is doing all it
can to persuade the President to take Secre-
tary Blaine's view Of the matter. The
President has been bothered so much, how
| ever, by the seal question that he doesn't
want to run the risk of further annoyance
from it. particularly as he desires to give as
much Of his time as possible to electioneer-
ing for a denomination.
| And IL the seals are disappearing as
rapidly as Special Agent Elliott says they
are the killing OF them should be stopped
for while. Otherwise they will wholly
disappear from Boring sea, just as the
buffaloes have from the plains Of the west.
II Secretary Blaine remains firm in the
position it is understood he has taken he
and the President may have little quarrel.
Indeed, the secretary may make the seal
| ha for ~
will open the way for him to get out of the
cabinet. However, 80 little is known OF
Secretary Blaine's plans that all statements
with regard to them amount to nothing
more than speculation.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
He Was His Uncle.

This is lawyers story, says the Chicago
NetUs:
Il think he was a country merchant, Any
how, he was one of those pleasant persons who
pass their lives in one spot, read nothing but
the local weekly paper, see nobody hut their
nelghbors, except when, about once in ten
years, they visit Uncle Billdob down in Indiana,
yet who know more about everything than any
body, and know it more positively.
He never spoke at secondhand about any
thing--his information was right from the
CONTAMINATED
II encountered him in the smoking car-he
was on the decennial visit to Uncle Bildob He
sat facing me and smoking a bad cigar. He
introduced himself to me by blandly contra
dieting statement that l made to my COM
panion concerning matter in Chicago about
which had rather intimate knowledge. A lit
tie later remarked that the law In New York
was so and so. He observed that | was mis-
taken. Of course the conversation did not con-
Germ him. but was SO foolish as to reply
mentioned a certain case in the court of oyer
and terminer. He replied severely that
quoted it incorrectly.
"Then-more foolishly-I got a little nettled,
and offered to bet and show him the report
g If the books hev it that way the books is
wrong, he answered, blandly.
g Indeed. said L. You seem to have q
terminer thought that would crush him
" 'Huh-well should say so,' he answered
triumphantly. ...-.....
That staggered me a little, but ventured
to ask HIN how he got it, and what do you think
he saidI Without changing a muscle he re-
torted
Mr.. Oyer is my uncle'"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
BRIGHT BITS.

THE WRINKLES on a cows horns indicate her
age. The wrinkles in a mans elbows probably
indicate the number Of his horns .-Binohdmto ton
Republican.
''YoU CAN CONE IN" said St. Peter to the
young applicant for admission but you will
have TO leave your detective camera outside"
-hew York Recorder.
WE ARE told that some day the lion and the
lamb will lie down together, but at this season
it is the butcher who is doing the most lying
about the lamb.-Yonkers Statesman.
KIND LADY-H you need clothing can sup
ply you with an old suit of my husbands, but
they'll be about four sizes to big for you.
Tramp-Never mind, mum; I'll wear 'em. I'd
rather be mistook for an Anglo maniac than
freeze.-Neto YorG Weekly.
FIRST CITIZEN docking over the paper)-I see
there is considerable activity in naval circles.
Second Citizen-Ah, indeed? Whist have
they done?
First Citizen-Eight more vessels have been
condemned. York Weekly
JOHN UPHAM- UPHAM (who has invited young
Suffer OF Chicago to dinner)-Waiter, didn't
you give this gentleman a napkin? Suffer, why
didn you speak for a cloth?
Suffer (between mouthfuls)-I've got one
UNI um-but it's gone down-um-um-my neck.
Puck.
DON'T YOU THINK. said one of the doctors,
that it would be good idea to have the study
of medicine carried on under the supervision of
the governments"
81 suppose" replied the other doctor thought
fully, that it might be turned over TO the in
terror department. "-Aeto York Post.
mo, MARY, shall never marry John Wilson.
The engagement is broken"
why, Ethel?"
II found could never be happy with him.
The other evening l asked him whether we
should have a church or a home wedding, and
he asked me which were the cheaper. Men
York Recorder.
A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY and her once beauti-
full mother were walking down the street to-
mother knew.
How much your daughter resembles you. -
exclaimed one
How closely you resemble your daughter -
exclaimed the other.
Now, which of these two gentlemen do you
think was invited home to tea?-SomerUilIe
| Journal
The BILL OF FARE was printed in a mixture of
| English and mongrel French.
waiter he said, after glancing over it,
want to make half dollarf'
"SuttnIy, sab" answered the waiter.
is there good dinner on this bill of fare
without going outside of the straight United
States languagef'
Il reckon so, sab -"
"Then bring it on. Here's your hush-money
! I'm no linguist and my time is worth $40 an
hour. Get move on you!"-Chtcdoo Tribune.
MRS. BowERsox-why, Mr. Brown, am sur.
prised to see you at the reception this evening,
after what heard yesterday about your i'll
health. You appear to have had a very slight
| shock, however.
Mr.. Brown-Slght shock! do not under
| stand you. madam.
Mrs B.-That is strange; perhaps there is
some mistake; but certainly heard Mr.. Jones
| say to my husband that when he saw you the
night before you were paralyzed, and that it
took two men to assist you home.-Boston
Herald
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
A Tiff Between Reverends,

A story is told of the late Prof Rogers and
DR.. R. W. Dale of Birmingham, says London
TIdBtts. These two gentlemen were giving a
series of lectures in Lancashire, and at every
town that they visited DR.. Dale noticed that his
colleague, who always spoke first, made the
same speech. In fact, so often did the pro-
fessor give that speech that the worthy doctor
knew it of by heart, and this fact led the latter
to think of a way of taking the wind out of his
friends sails.
On their arrival at town in South Lanca-
shire, DR.. Dale asked Dr. Rogers to allow him
to speak first, an arrangement to which tine
latter readily agreed; so Dr. Dale rose and pro-
ceeded to deliver the speech Of DIR. Rogers,
looking every now and then with the corner of
his eye to see how that worthy gentleman was
taking this practical joke. Dr. Rogers sat calm
and composed. and when at length his turn
came to speak, he just as calmly rose and de-
hvered, to DR.. Dale's utter establishment quite a
new speech.
At the conclusion of the meeting DR.. Dale
said to his colleague:
Thought had taken the wind out of yonr
sails tonight"
DR.. Rogers replied: 20, no; delivered that
speech when was here a month ago"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
Handy Couldn't Helm Him.

Capt. Fred Handy, well known In and about
Washington as q correspondent, says the Chi
cago Tribune. is brother of Maj. Nose Handy
of the worlds fair publicity bureau. Fred was
one OF stone"aL Jackson's men. and his brother
Nose was one Of Uncle Sans men in the late
analr. Fred Is out IN Chicago on q visit and
that Is what brings up this story
Near the close OF the war the soldiers On both
sides we're getting weary There was one poor
fellow in the same command with Fred Handy
who had been waiting for the war to cease for
long time He was out on duty one day with
Fred and told the latter if the war did not close
very soon he would have TO desert or lose his
girl Then he confided to Fred that
he had heard from her indirectly and
he was dead. The other fellow had done all he
could TO make her believe this but she said she
would never give herself to another until she
snew tnat ner soldier lover was slain. The sol
dler could not get the information to her that
ne was stin alive The two talked over the stu
alton. Fred Handy was OF the opinion that the
END was near. he did not believe that there
was anything wrong In helping his old conn ade
out OF his trouble. at Q certain bridge over the
James river Nose Handy was in command of
the federal troops Fred said If he coult get
his comrade as far as the bridge he thought he
could get Nose to let him through the lines, as it
was necessary to go through the lines to
reach the place where the southern girl was
living The night came for the two comrades
to steal out of the lines and out they went
They soon reached the bridge, aud Fred being
matted explained that he wanted to see his
orotner. MAJ Handy The major responded in
due time. and Fred told him the object of his
mission. Nose said no. He believed the fight
was nearly over and he thought every man on
both sides ought to stick to his gun to the last
There was no argument. The brothers under
stood each other. Fred went to the place where
he had left his comrade and told him the result
OF his mission. They sat on log discussing
the situation. Fred asked his friend il he could
swim. The man said he could not. Fred told
him he would carry him across
the river on his back If he was de-
termined TO go. The arrangement was made
Fred prepared for the work and the two waded
out into the stream. In the hush of the nj hit
the trip was made across the James. When
they had reached the other side they shook
hands, and the comrade turned his steps to the
west. Fred swan back 60 the onlederate lines
and fought to the close
did the comrade ever find his girl!" is the
natural query.
II never heard of him from the moment that
landed him on the other side,'' is the reply
which Fred makes
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
The Case of DR.. Briggs.

It is expected that the Presbyterian gen
eral assembly, which met in Detroit yester-
day, will consider the case of DR.. Briggs,
the professor in the Union Theological Sem
mary who is charged with heresy. The
impression Of the friends Of the doctor is
that the assembly by a small majority viii
veto his appointmcht to the professorship.
The question of the authority of the gen.
eral assembly to veto the appointment has
been raised. It's authority is questioned
on the ground that Dr. Briggs has been q
professor in the seminary for many years,
and that his appointment to his present po-
sition is not a new one, he having been
transferred to it from another. IL it were a
new appointment there would be no doubt
relative to the authority of the general as
sembly to veto 1t.
But if the general assembly should veto
ii there is doubt whether the directors Of
the seminary would act in accordance with
it. The majority of the professors Of the
seminary find nothing in the teachings OF
DR.. Briggs that is inconsistent with the
teachings Of the Presbyterian church. A
committee of three of them waited upon
him on Tuesday and submitted to him a
series Of questions which cover the disputed
points of doctrine. The doctor answered
all of them to the entire satisfaction of the
committee.
1t is asserted by DIR. Briggs friends that
most of the Presbyterian ministers who are
inimical to him. and who have taken an
active stand against him, have not read his
books and, therefore, are not informed as to
his belief and teachings. If this is the case.
the general assembly may hesitate about
taking final action in his case.
1t is quite certain that on some very i'm
portant doctrinal points DIR. Briggs posi-
ton is misunderstood by many of his
accusers. In the questions submitted to
him by the committee of the seminary pro-
fessors he said that he did not consider the
b bic, the church and the reason co-ordi-
nate sources Of authority; that he did not
believe in purgatory, and that he did be-
iieve the Scriptures Of the Old and New
Testament to be the only infallible rule of
faith and practice.
The action of the general assembly in the
case will be waited for with a great deal Of
interest. Perhaps 1t will be considered the
wiser plan to let DR.. Briggs alone. If it
can be clearly shown, however, that the
doctrines he teaches are not in harmony
with those of the church he ought not to be
permitted to remain in his present position.
Nothing would do more to weaken the
church than to permit conflicting doctrines
to be taught by its teachers
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

The MORNING EEws is on file at the following
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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Egypt has the same sort of a plague it
had once before. Multitudes of locusts of
all sizes and conditions Of physical develop
ment and deformity are said to be swarm
ing through the fragrant meadows of the
Nile swiping the luscious vegetables and
a-smelling of the clover blossoms as they
scoot along. Something like this happened
several years back. History talks very
knowingly about it. Anticipated inhabit-
ants may even try to make you believe that
they clearly recollect the occurrence. But
it isn't safe to credit their statements. In
ell probability they are mistaken, as they
usually are. Still it's a mighty bad thing
for the country, as a rural exchange once
observed
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Department chiefs in Washington are
having quite beautiful row over the
pecuniary deficit and generally eccentric
conduct of young Raum in the interior de-
partment. Wrangling over the dismissal
of a man who has certainly proven himself
unworthy Of confidence does not tend to i'm
prove the general estimation of the efficiency
and prevalent ideas of rectitude among
public officials. There is no apparent reason
why man who has palpably been guilty of
an actual felony should be let down SO
softly or excused in any way. Crime de-
serves punishment as much in department
of the national government as anywhere
else. II anything the offender should be
treated more severely because Of his fla
grant impo sition upon the confidence Of his
superiors.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
INDEX TO NRW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MKETTNes-Excelsior Lodge No. s, K. p;
Mass Meeting Knights of Pythias.
SPECIAL NOTICES AS 10 Crew of British
Steamship CoroniIla; Call and Get Plat of
Those Lots on Wilmington Island C. II. Dor
sett, Real Estate Dealer; Where Is ST. Anne. Is
the Question Now Disturbing the Community,
G. H Dorsett, Real Estate Dealer; Residences
for Sale, W. K wilkinson, Real Estate Dealer;
Drugs, Fancy Articles, Etc, at Heidt's; Choco-
late Creams at Heidts.
AMusxMESTs-The Renowned Peak Girls at
Yonge's Hall Friday Evening.
STEAMSHIP SCHEDULE - Ocean Steamship
Company.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERTIsKnENTs-HelpW Want
ed; Employment Wanted; For Rent: For Sale
Lost; Strayed Personal: Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22
a Familv BereAvement.

An industrious rustic went into his stable one
spring morning. says Texas Siftings. and dis
covered bis fayorite mule in the agonies OF
DEATH he having oyerfed himself the night pre-
vlous.
Here's a state OF things exclaimed the dis
gusted peasant. ''All winter long you do moth
ing but fee q and feed a. my expense, and when
spring comes and IL Is time for doing little
blowing. you get out Of IL by giving up the
ghost
The dying mule raised up his head and said In
q feeble voice
since you are such an ass, you should r..
gard my death family bereavement, after
which he spl > L took lie fight
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22


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Subscriptions payable in advance. Remit by
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Letters and kilograms should be addressed
'MoRNING News, Savannah, Ga.
Transient advertisements, other than special
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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Premier Rudini appears to be losing his
grip. Much of the asperity that he mani
Tested during the recent controversy was
largely attributable to the fear that his
constituents might lose interest in him I'M
less he did something very brilliant or I'M
usual. Since the United States refused to
all wv him to be brilliant and unusual and
secure the admiration of his countrymen at
our expense there is a strong probability
that he may at any moment be plunged
into the political porridge. Great pity
about Rudini, but we cannot PROSTATE our
selves in heap merely to allow him to
climb into some lofty aperture over our
national physique. That is asking rather
too much
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Apparently the Rev. DR.. Briggs has many
admirers in New York among Protestant
denominations other than his own. In a
recent discussion among Baptist ministers
the Rev. DR.. Giles warmly took the part of
the gentleman who is charged with heresy.
According to DR.. Giles expressed opinion
DR.. Briggs case closely resembles that of
Apostle Paul when called upon by Peter
and others to explain certain apparent in
congruities in his professions as compared
with Judaism. Warming up in his enthu-
siasm the reverend gentleman declared
that the body of church dignitaries
which he was pleased to call inquisitors of
DIR. Briggs had but spoonful of brains
among them. Although the general public
may not be quite ready TO share DIR. Giles
opinion there is certainly a great deal of
warm admiration of DR.. Briggs, and it APP
pears to increase day by day.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Under the direction of a court of inquiry
very little progress has apparently been
made toward ascertaining the identity of
the soldiers guilty of lynching a gambler
at Walla Walla Orders from the war de.
partment seem to be carried out in such a
pe-functory manner that little definite in
formation is likely to be elected. If the
authorities of Washington really wish to
secure the punishment of the guilty men
their only sure way is to look up the evil
dence themselves. and present it before the
military court or fileit at the war depart
ment.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Hail fell in Texas SC heavily the
other day that wheat was literally
moved down with the force of the
storm of ice balls. Reports from the
district adjacent to Gainesville state that
the damage done amounted to fully 500, 900.
Possibly more. Wind generally brings all
of the severity of climatic effect from which
peopls suffer in the northern part of Texas.
Only think of hailstones as big as plums
falling to the depth of eighteen inches in
May. Truly Texas is a sing ular country.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Republican negroes in New York are
again talking of organizing for the purpose
of securing share of the political spoils
which they claim has been heretofore
systematically denied them. They have
enacted this identical programme before.
They didn't get much at the last applica-
ton, and the result of their new combina-
ton will probably not prove much more
satisfactory. Fooling the colored brother
affords only common amusement for the
hardened and weather worn ward politician
of Gotham. Why, he delights in telling
Cuffee what he is going to do for him a
little later on. But the imam and brother"
always grows very weary before that
"happy time a-coming" gets around to him.
Hence this combination Of color.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-05-22

Among the level-headed things that the
convention Of United Presbyterian minis
tiers did the other day was the
rejection of resolution presented
by a narrow-minded brother for
the purpose Of excluding reporters from
q hearing of the proceedings. Out of a
total vote of about thirty only four favored
closing their doors against the press. That
establishes rather an extraordinarily high
average of intelligence among Presbyterian
diYines