, 1891-11-25

with its little fists, or a girl of ten or
twelve years old who stumbles through
her little pieces and feels that she is
almost grown up.
Once 1 heard two little dears disputing
as to which could make the most noise,
and emulating each other in alternate
bangs, but on this occasion the captain
himself interposed, and although by SO
doing he probably gained the undying
enmity Of both the mammas, 1 Loued him
and told him so.
The next best public nuisance, in my
experience, is the valetudinarian. OF
course l do not mean the patient and
genuine invalid whom everybody pities
and tries to make comfortable, for no
N with a heart in his breast can fail to
pity and sympathize with such, but the
people who love to fancy themselves i'll,
and fuss and worry and annoy every
body neal them with their continual re-
quirements and objections.
They must have the window shut, or
the lind open; they can't sit in q
draft, and they must have the sun; they
can't eat this or smell that, or be in the
room with the other thing; may they
have this chair, and could you spare that
hassock; the odor of certain flowers, or
of hay, or of flats is poison to them;
they must have their beds made with
the head to the north or they can't sleep;
if a thunder shower is coming up they
must be provided with feather beds, or
insulated chairs, or at least dark rooms,
and nobody must laugh about it. This
sort of person delights in making a new
acquaintance, for this means a new lis
tener, and few nuisances are more in
tolerable, for the time, than a tete-d-tete
from which you cannot escape, and dur
ing which you are forced to listen to O
dreary detail of every ill and every
remedy to which humanity is, or fancies
itself, victim.
Akin to this nuisance is the coniden-
tial bore; the man or woman who insists
upon relating to you at great length, and
with all the details, some personal his
tory, or soIne pet scheme, or some family
quarrel, OIL some discovery for which it
is hoped to get a patent, or some plan
for %colonizing central Africa, or the
north pole, to which your subscription
is desired. This latter point, to be sure,
is soon disposed of, and a large expert
ence has given me great facility in re-
fusing subscriptions, or in promptly Of
fering a moderate sum-, intended to buy
off further solicitation.
Occasionally, however, this does not
succeed; the enthusiast pockets the
money and keeps right OIL With the pro-
spectus. 1t is to him the most interest
ing subject in the world. and he cannot
understand that it is not SO to you; and
there is, after all, q weak spot in almost
everybody's nature that will not allow
N to rudely refuse the sympathy and
attention a fellow mortal seems 80 conf
IDENTIFY to count upon, and one listens to
the story of imaginary maladies, or the
interminable family history, or the pet
scheme, until one is ready to drop with
WEAKNESS and a sort of mental ausea
and finally escapes with the sensation of
having been dragged through a knot
hole.
A nuisance akin to this is the loqua-
cious lady who has taken a fancy to you.
The moment you appear on deck, or in
the saloon, or in the drawing room of a
hotel she comes breezily floating toward
you, shows all her teeth in a delightful
smile, kisses you on both cheeks, keeps
possession Of one hand, gazes fondly into
your eyes, sinks down at your side in a
sort of sidesaddle fashion and tenderly
demands an account of your health since
you last met; then she calls you a dear
naughty darlingNnot to have eaten more
or slept better, and begins to give you the
news of the day, mostly In a kissing,
sibilant whisper, interspersed with gig
giles of rapture over jests which you fail
to discover, or anecdotes and events
which seem to you not in the least worth
mantinpinu Sha sits tpn c1nga aha hoo
too much perfume, she keeps your at
tention on the stretch without any salts
faction. she tires you, annoys you, irri-
tates you, she is in fact a social nuisance,
and yet you cannot escape her without
downright rudeness, for, having no tact,
she has no sensitiveness, and probably
dreams that her sentimental devo-
ton is not reciprocated.
Another public nuisance in travelling
is the schoolmaster abroad. The man
who ''orates" to strangers, unlimited
and often unwelcome. He insists upon
giving you information which you don't
want, and convincing you upon points
you care nothing about. William Tell
may have shot the apple off his sons
head, or he may have shot Gessler, or
there may never have been any Tell, or
any son, or N apple, or any Gessler; 1t
is all a matter of profound indifference
to me, but 1 will not soon forgive the
didactic bore who spoiled the sunset
hour, and the gay little chat l was en-
joying that evening in Switzerland,
when he felt himself impelled to instruct
us upon both the legend, the correct his
tory, the view of most historians and his
own conclusions upon the matter.
Probably everybody who reads this
and who has travelled much will be able
to add to this brief list of public nui-
sances others more or less common, and
ever those who have seldom been away
from home will have their own pet
n%uisances to fall back upon.
Among the minor grievances which all
of US AVE experienced both at home and
abroad 1 count fan and big hats. OF
course both are proper in proper places,
and one who has seen as much of Spanish
society and finds it rs agreeable as 1 do
must lave admired more than once the
graceful and significant use those ladies
make of fans, and also the fans them
selves, some of them perfect visions of
beauty. richness and dainty elegance.