Morning journal and courier., 1891-10-27
NEXT.
Bingo (eagerly)-Who is he?

Bingo (eagerly)-Who is hea
 Kingley-He is the man who has charge of the Alcyone tennis courts.-Brooklyn Life.
 Barber (to Irishman in the chair)-Bay rum, sir?
 Irishman-No, thank you, sir, had two beers on the way up.-Life.
 In the Restaurant.-Mr Feeder-What's that awful humping out therea Waiter Oats de cook. Yo' ordered tenderloin steak, didn't yo', saha-Puck.
 Bingo (desperately)-I wish I could make the grass grow on my lawn. It simply won't come up. Kingley-I know a fellow who can help you out. He has made great success at it.
 For Private Circulation.-Landlady-I am afraid those towels are too small.
 Clerk-They are our regular size for bosrders, madam.
 Landlsdy-I know. But I want them for myself.-Cloak Review. Yes, any boy born in this free republic may one day be president of the United | States; but if he wants to get into the Common Council his chances of success are vastly better if he has taken the pre- | caution to be born abroad.-Boston Tran script.
 The-Wrong Malady. Doctor - You should not drink so much Bourbon; it will do you no permanent good. You should | drink milk, for it contains all the elements | of blood.
 Patient-But I'm not bloodthirsty.- Pharmaceutical Era. Proof Positive-"The teacher wanted to box my ears this morning." remarked | Johnny Fizzletop. "How do you know | hot ba tod fp hoy rofp aGEad his mother "If he hadn't wanted to box my ears he wouldn't have done it would he, ehq'-Texas Siftings. No Chance for Mistakes.-New Boy-Is this bill gooda Merchant (busily)-What denomination is ita New Boy-It's two dollar silver certificate Merchant (hur- riedly)-Examine it yourself. If it looks | like Q miserable counterfeit it's genuine Street & Smiths Good News. Didn't Miss Him.-Mrs. Jocelyn- "Don't you miss your husband very much, now that he is away? 1 Mrs. Golightly-Oh, not at all. You see, he left me plenty of money, and at breakfast just stand newspaper up in front of his plate, and half the time forget that he really isn't there. Pluck.
 Hicks-Grigson, they tell me, spent the summer at his new place in your town. l How did he get on there! Wlcks-On, fairly we'll, he loaned his lswn-mower to everybody who came along. That was gentlemanly, allow; but a man can't ex- pect to become a popular character who will keep his mower so confoundedly dull as Grigson does.-Boston Transcript.
 For Callers-''Mr. Upholsterer, would like to buy nice reception chair. Some thing new" "We have just the thing, madam. Here it is. Made especially for our trade. Take seat on it." "Dear me! Why this chair is awful couldn't sit on it five minutes. I never sat on such an uncomfortable thing in my lifel' "Ex, actly, madam. That is just the idea. You see, it is made for callers. ."-Harper'f BaZar.
 Iowa corn has been making a political and horticultural record this season that justifes some tall stories. But it hardly warrants the following, which a recent ar rival from the west brought with him: ''l saw," says the recent arrival, "a mar standing at the foot of corn stalk" "How big is your corn," asked the farmer. "] don't know" was the reply '1 just sent one of my boys up to see, and I'm worried to death about him." Cant he get backF "No; that's the trouble. The corn stalk'i growin' up faster'n he kin climb down. "- Washington Star.