Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-12-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

benjamin ffaukiin was Tue oFlSiudl
lightning calculator.
Crops that grow by the electric light
Wild oats.-Boston Journal.
"Ask popper," said the fire cracker
fuse when match was suggested.
That money talks l don't deny;
To me it always says, "Goodby."
Puck,
It is odd enough that burglars take
such risks in safe opening Baltimore
american.
The head waiter reminds one of mat
rimony. He is high menial, it will be
remembered.
A stingy man can be relied upon to
keep everything but his promise
Elnsira Gazette.
.'Capital punishment" as the boy said
when the school mistress seated him with
the girls.-Bazdr.
A man finds the poorest companion
ship when he "entertains suspicion"
Washington Star.
Your friends may not know much, but
they know what they would do il they
were in your place. .-AtchiSon Globe.
Stranger (brightly) - "Fine day!"
Chronic Grumbler-" Ye.es-locally-
probably raining somewhere. '-Pueh."
Now is the time when the small boy
of the family is caught poaching on his
mothers preserves. Baltimore 1qseri-
can.
All animals have their good points,
but for abundance of the same none can
compete with the porcupine. TEXAS
Sytings.
1t isn't so much that man objects to
pay the debt of nature; it is nature of
the debt that trouble him.-Boston
Transcript.
The peacock may not be inclined to
gossip, but he loves to spread highly
colored tale about the nesghborhood.
| Etn,ia Gazette.
A man can always keep himself in
good credit so long as he doesn't ask
for it. Paste this in your hat and dodge
the fatal request.
eff 1 were only in politics." mused
the car-horse as he started up the hill,
"what lot could do with the pull 1
have. y Baltimore american.
81 don't look like very formidable
fellow" soliloquized the honest milk
dealer; sand yet I've made lots of
bigger men take water. Life.
Blinkers -"Hcllo, Winkers. l hear
you married woman with an independ-
ent fortune" Winkers-''No-o; Imar-
|
woman.
Mudge-sI hear that Trimmings girl
has induced him to give up his cigars"
Yabsley-ssH'mh! That's more than any
of the boys could do."--Iadianapolis
journal.
People who are constantly saying
"what is due to society" often forget al
together what is due to themselves, to
say nothing of what is due to the butcher
and baker.
"Sir," said the tailor, "my suits talk
for me-" 'sBut, my dear sir!" expostu-
lated the customer, "cau you expect me
to believe statements made out of the
whole cloth. Baltimore american.
He-"You say you love me, but can.
not be my wife. Is it because am poorl
There are better things in this world than
money" She-"Quite true, but it takes
money to buy them. ."-Baston Budget.
THE BALD MAN REJoICEs.
/ love the crisp, cool autumn days,
They fill my soul with glee.
For then in peace | go my ways
With not fly ON me.
-Neto York Herald.
s'Remember, my son, to al.
ways keep your expenses within your in
come" Young better plan
than that. l propose bringing my in
come up to my expenses. ."--ladianapolis
Journal.
'Dinguss is man of expensive
habits, is he not, ShadboltG" "Yes.
Dinguss's habits since l have been ac-
quainted with him have cost me $156,
without counting cent fog interest. -.
Chicago Tribune.