Iron County news. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1890-189?, 1891-01-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

'why doesn't he GOMEZ Bciahoi"
At II o'clock she sits and yawns.
Dear me! Why doesn't no goY
-Munsey's Weekly.
AT THE ALTAR.
The wedding was oil that could be supposed.
The bride WINS both 1.-THE and gay,
And, IL anything, seemed rs tho she was glad
-Philadel phia Times.
No vice goes alonc--except advice.
which is always lone. -Drdke's Mag
dztne.
We believe it is the railroad en-
pineer who whistles at his work. Tonk-
ers Stdtendn.
No man Is rs good at home as his
picture looks in neighbor's album
Atchison Globe.
A mans heart is blamed for lots Of
things for which his liver is response
le.-AShiand Press.
Il live on my Wits" said Scribbler:
"How do you like fiat life?" asked
Cynicus. - ittsburg Dispatch.
why are you in mourning?" For
my rich uncle. whose heir / am. us
he dead?" Non. T. Sun.
When man is walking on his up
pers the presumption is that he isn't
well heeled. - Binqhamton Leader.
al say. Charley. that man over there
must be a millionaire" mo. l guess
not. He looks too happy. "-Fhegende
Biatter.
Sick people should least physic to
the dogs" aud go to the races. Any
one can be better there. -Btnghdnlton
Republican.
A dead man Is given more charity
than he can make use Of; living man
isn't given as much as he deserves. -
Atchison Globe.
"At least can take things in phil
osophical way" said the burglar as he
lifted out pane of glass with u rub
Der sucker. Eimira Gazette.
When a man and woman have been
made one the honeymoon is the time
spent in endeavorng to discover which
is that ONE YoRkerS Statesman.
She-"John. what do you cook in
those jack pots you have ut the club
that YOU sometimes talk about in your
sleep?" He-"Soup."-M y Herald.
II can't 90 Schubert" exclaimed
Mrs. Skimgullet at the concert But
you can go Chopin every day in the
week." retorted her husband. Musical
Courier.
Psalmist-"Why do tho heather
ragep". Cynic-''Probably because so
little OF the money subscribed for thQir
conversion ever reaches them. IN
Y. Herald.
Mrs. Gummy-"Edison says that nc
ex pefimeAt wiiich he has tried a0nigh,
lever failed" Dummy = Then he
never tried to walk his baby to sleep"
IN. Y. Sun.
Digniied Stranger Cat ncws-stand)
(Which of those papers is the mos
highly respectablep" Newsman =
This one, ] guess. Nobody buys it. ,
IN. Y. Weekly.
When we consider the henpecked
| husband we are more convinced thar
ever that woman was made &C. the
backbone and not Of the sparerib o.
man.-Daltds Ne,os.
1--WE made a big mistake, Adam,
said Eve after they had settled outsid,
the garden. ''How, dearp" I'VE shoult
have insisted upon having that mattel
arbitrated. IN Y. Sun.
$50 Col. Playton has all your mon
eyP" said one Congressman to another
Yes" How did he get itp" II,
took 1t by tours. l was backing a full
hand. - Washington Post.
Never be at your place of bushes:
when Il person wants 10 borrow mon
ey of you, because IL you are in yo,
will be out. but il you are out you will
be in. Somerviite Democrat
II know where Gilbert got his ide
for his twenty love sick maidens and
.Bunthorne." From Oscar Wilde.
wasn't ftp" mo. indeed. From {
summer hotel."-M Y. Herald.
Mrs. Snodgrass - Your husband
CARS you bought for him." Mrs Snive
ley-"Well, I can't wear the bonnie
he selected for me, either.-M Y. Sun
Grimage-"Selby. to be confidential
why did you marry widow" Selb.
well, to tell the truth, I wanted
somebody who could correct my mis-
takes in counting. "-Buriingto Ere
Press.
Stranger-"May / ask what you
profession TSP" Minister-"I am sol
der in the army of the Lord" Strange
just the man I've been looking for
! am pension agent. "-Binghamtoi
Leader.
hnnie-'I understand. Marie. tina
you broke your engagement with Mr.
Earthleigh." Marie-"O. no, didn'
dear. 1t just came apart, don't 20
know, after the season closed. - Wash