The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1891-01-10
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The LATEST boy in school is always
closest to the mead of the procession
when the circus is In town.-Bingham-
ton Leader.
-Careful.-"Come out and take a
walk" mo, the sky is gray, and gray
is not becoming to me. Fliegende
Batter.
But why do you a to marry
herP" because I love herI" my
lear fellow, that's IN excuse-not a
reason."-Saturday Evening Post.
First Literary Character-"You've
been stealing my ideas" Second Lit
erary Character-"That's all right, /
couldn't sell them."-The Epoch.
An Ideal Wife-Dear child, the din
ner to-day is absolutely un~eatable."
well surely. Charles, you did not
marry me for the sake of eating."-
Fliegende Blatter.
He that putteth money in his purse
is liable to be robbed, but he that en-
richeth his mind puttoth wealth where
the s~andbagger can not come at it.
Rams Horn.
why do they call the boys in the
galleries the gods, Mr.. Tragedicas?"
ITO distinguish them from the devils
who sit in the orchestra chairs and write
criticisms. boston Courier.
The man who never can find time"
to do any thing you ask of him may
generally be seer looking out at the
window when there Is a brass band going
through the street-Somerville Jour-
nal.
What 3 pretty girl Jimson's type
writer must DO" unused Watts. 81 never
saw such an outrageous lot of misspelled
words in a business letter before in all
my days."-Indianapolis journal.
-Dick-s'Why couldn't Harry go to
the theater with us tonight" Tom
'He couldn't possibly come; had to
write the criticisms Of the plays for
to-morrow's Crimson, and have them in
by eight O'clock Harvard Lampoon.
-"Aint they rather strange names
for dogs?" "Not at all. I've named
them for their literary suggestiveness.
I call M Edwin brood because his tail
is cut off short, and the other Howells."
Philadelphia Times.
The newspapers are forever speak
ing Of "the blushing BRIDE" We'll,
when you reflect upon The kind of hus-
band not a few Of the brides marry, you
can not wonder that they should blush.
Boston Transcript
"A Small Matter. Mrs. Forundrid-
Horrors! Half a dozen words in your
note to Mrs. Society are m~isspelled."
Miss Forundrid-"O, that don't matter.
She can see by the coat of-arms on our
stationery that we're all right."-N. Y.
Weekly.
Mrs. Kawler-''Your husbands SER
mon was beautiful and eloquent down
to a certain point, this morning, but
after that it seemed to lose all its fire
and earnestness. and was dull and pro-
sale" Mrs. X. Horter-'Yes, that's
where he dipped his pen into the mucil
age bottle. boston Traveller.
Young Clergyman-"We shouldn't
prepare sermons" Old Ditto-"Why
not?" Young Clergyman-''The Bible
says that the Lord will put words into
our mouths" Old Ditto-"I guess you
are right. And IL the Lord doesn't put
the words in our mouths some bright
| reporter will.'-N. Y. Herald.
His Last Request - Tramp -
MADAM, you will remember that yes
terday when l called upon you l had a
small vial of arsenic concealed and that
you coaxed the poison away from me
and gave me a large hunk Of your pie?"
Kind LADY, remember very we'll;
and now l suppose you want another
piece of pie?' Tramp-''No, don't; l
want the arsenic."-N Y. Sun.
"A Lady's Opinion. - Only Son
Mamma, whatdoes good traits mean?"
Fond Mamma-"Good traits? Isthatex-
preston in tho new book | gave you?"
Nom. Mrs. De Fashion used 1t when
she was talkin' about me to Mrs. De
Style" did she? Mrs. De Fashion Is
a lady, every inch of her. Did she say
you were full Of good traits|" Nom.
She said hadn't any."-Good News.