The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-01
RTB-TLCKLING TOURNEY.
z NEW ST AND BEST STORIES
H. TOLD BY GRBAT MEN.

-a-arV Blame, JOAH " oh1AHeASAP
Ear Cleve and, Gov. Hill, Gen.
- James Gordon Bennstt, DR..
mage. Eenry Watterson, Gen.
-,.a--,an. Senator ingalls,, Edwin
poo,b. Senator Quay, Jay Gould, Mar
Ian p. Wilder, Bill Scott, Lew Wal
80 senator Stanford, Dspew, Bob
Irrersoll, Bill Nye, Tom ochil5ree and
Gen. Porter.
(CopyigAt)
NEW YORK. Feb. 2S.-The most novel
.-,,,osium ever printed is the following
-,lIaction of good stories told by famous
,-,a-icsns. stories that lose much in being
- instead OF being heard, but rib-ticklers
,.-+beIess. The gentlemen who tell these
80 and convulss their hearers have
- other stories that they tell first, and
80 thew do not cause the hilarity ex-
- the speakers reputation as wit is
p.,,o5 on TIE stories annexed. Each
- astold, is the best in the gentleman's
ronertore, as the saucy soubrette would
~ - and they never fail to bring forth
showers Of Laughter.
HARRISON TELLS A HOG STORY.
p-osident Harrison very seldom INDUCES
ioke or story unless he know his hearers
,Uou One day be surprised his hearers by
ealing the following story to illustrate
point: nod ~ tot,
;rc his own advice and doing things to get
nTen He was a hog dealer, and one season
Z, drove large number of hogs to Indian
oojs distance of 100 miles from his
hrma although he was told he could get
noarIv as much for them at a town nearer.
Arriving at Indianapolis he found that the
nrice of hogs had gone down. He kept
ttbar,, in the city nearly month, and finally
was offered a higher price than he could
cot rsarer home. He wanted a high price,
End declared he would drive the hogs back
SoTne which he did at a considerable cost.
Then he sold them at home at a price very
much less than that offered in the city. One
If his friends asked him why he had acted
81 wanted to get even with them city
hog-buyers," he replied.
"Butdid you get even|
'.Wen, they don't get my hogs"
''What, pray. did you get out of the
trausactionp
"Get! Why, bless your thick-skulled
head, got the society OF the hogs back
houem
Vice President Morton now and then per-
petrates joke or story by way OF illustra-
ton upon his listeners. he knows IL we'll oy
heart before he begins.
Not far from where live in the country,
there is farmer noted for his fine, large
cattle. Durhams and Attorneys roam over
his extensive lands, aud people come from
q long distance to view his stock. But Wis
itors have to be careful about walking
around alone In tire clover fields on account
of the number Of ferocjoUs bulls owned by
A 49,. - 10,
was very proud of his title, visited a neigh
Dor of the farmer, and one day he strolled
out and began to cut across the clover
fields in order to save little distance. Be-
fore he knew what was up, a big bull, BEL
lowing and shaking his head, began to
chase him. The general was swift run
ner, and he made good time in front of the
pursuing animal. But the animal was
Aift, TOO, and every time the general
would get near fence the bull was too
close for him TO even attempt to climb over.
At last the general made a line for a gate
near the farmers house. and, reaching it in
time, shut off the bull from further pur-
suit. Tho farmer, it seems, was there and
had witnessed the chase. The general, all
ont of breath, said, between gasps:
'Sir-sir, did you see your bull chasing
mes"
YES" said the farmer, suppressing a
smile. [Fs
as that all you have to say2 Do you
know whom that bull was chasiag!"
you, guess"
do you know who 1 am, sir? l an Gen.
Blank
wall, why didn't you tell the bull that!'
curtly retorted the farmer.
BLAINE AND THE FREE TICKET MAN.
James G.. Blaine is fond of splicing CONVEX
sation with story. This is one that he has
made do duty more than once:
"a man accepted free ticket to thea
hr The play was not good one, and the
actors were thoroughly in accord with
the standard of the play. At the end of the
nrst act there were groans and Kisses and
other vehement expressions of disapproval
On the part OF the audience. The free ticket
man sat still and seemed satisfied. When
Inc second act began it proved to be worse
than the first and nearly every one in the
audience groaned their utter disgust, except
tne Tree ticket man. Finally man who sat
near the free ticket man said:
plays! '-'- 'A-'
Yes; very much.'
and hssp SoU s'oon
! can't do it decently. / am here on a
nee TICKET given by the head of the theatre
cal company. If the pay grows worse |
vi 20 OUT after the next act, buy q ticket
ana come back and express my disapproval
III vehement way"
WANAMAKER's REBUKE.
postmaster General John Wanamaker is
even 70 Illustrating his conversation with
pointed stories. Once he rebuked some of
us us sunday school boys for laughing at a
ueai boys mistake in ans ering misunder-
'0 ~ questions, and related this story:
low, little boys, it is not right to laugh
" make sport of an affection. l knew of a
S s man once who W $ disposed to be par
onne He was fond of society and a
s sonlI bachelor He gave banquet to
*p Ae Young ladies and young gentlemen.
Sle eHIe or the city. For convenience.
ba ,n eau the bachelor Brown. When the
va quet was nearly over, one of the boldest
~ tne young men arose to toast Mr.. Brown.
not nov L laVIer stood up, all smiles, but he could
t w. mear word t. at was spoken. He only
RI. II was about him that the toast was
SAD. The young scapegoat said
IeIe Is 60 you, you old miser Brown.
srs, U are no better than a tramp and it is
bpecIeu That you made your money dis
nes!ly. My wish is that you may get
tentiary.n 49, VIC pom
,,a Inc deaf Mr.. Brown smiled, raised his
,1Ss y 70 his lips, and said: 'The same to
GOOD ONE BY CLEVELAND.
vaS men men Grover Cleveland was governor he