Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-10-15
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.


Many Odd. Curious. and Laughabls
Phases Of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists cf
Our Own Day.
Different views About It.
Farmer Closefist-Mariar, what'd
yer like ter hev fur yer birthday
present?
Maria-A gold breast-pin. What
yer goin' ter give NEE
Farmer Closefist-I hain't decided
yit 'twixt pair o. stockings an the
,alf / give John last Christmas. -
jewelers. Weekly.
A Change In the Tune.
Darkley 1.-THE convict, eying the
package)-I've been tryin' to live a
better life an quit bein' a tough since
you was here last, mister.
Member of the Prison Reform AS
sociation-I'm very glad, Peter.
Here's little remembrance for you.
Darkley-(opening the package)-
Git out o. here, you low-dowp, snivel-
ing, putty-faced, bagged-kneed SON.
of-a-gun! Thought them was cigars
Judge.
Explanatory.
Gratifled PARENT am delighted
that you did not attend the so-called
sacred concert to-day, my son. Such
things are a dissertation OF the Sab
bath. And hope you passed your
time more profitably.
Son-Well, yes; you see l had an
engagement with Dick Dolers to go
fishing, and went.-Pittsburg Bulle-
tin.
She Drew the Line.
Miss Hownow-Well, Bridget, you
didn't stay'long at the Ocean Swell
House. Was the work too hard for
you?
Mrs. McGinty-Oh, no, mum; 1t
was not the worruk Oh moinded; 10 is
the indecent way they had Of making
the gurls ate the same things as the
boarders. Boston Courier.
Two Views.
Miss Emersonia Russell Qrom Bea-
con HilD = Don't you think Mr..
Bowles' counten3nce would arrest the
workings of the interior mechanism
of hOrolOge?
Miss Calunetia Porcine (from Mich
igan avenue)-I don't know. But I
think it would stop q clock.-The
jewelers. Circular.
Timid.
He-She seems to take fright every
time her. husband comes near her.
She-Yes; she ran away when he
married her.-Lake Shore News.
It Would Seem to Follow
what does parsonage mean mann
MAJ" asked Johnny McSwillfgen.
The house in which parson lives,
Johnny" replied Mrs. McSwflligen.
But in some churches they don't
call the ministers parsons.
"No."
"They call them pastors.
%Yes."
"And do pastors live in the pastor
age?"-Chronicle Telegraph.
Not a Disinterested Adviser.
"You ought to use water filter on
your faucet, SIR. wouldn't be with
out one."
"Find it beneficial, do youp"
Eyes, indeed; it has made me a'rich
man."
Il presume you mean that health is
wealth."
mo; I mean that 1 manufacture
filters. Yankee Blade.
A Strange Inheritance.
Robert-Why does Miss Hammond
make such a fuss over those diamonds
of hers?
Cicely-She inherited them from
her grandmother.
Il know; but is there anything very
remarkable about them?"
Eyes, her grandmother was an &C
tress. Kate Fields Washington.
Indignant without Cause.
Angry Customer-Local means in
this place, don't it?..-..----a---a4---
Jeweler-YeS.
Angry Customer-Well, this here
watch you sold me for Swiss one is
stamped "Locle," you swindler!-Jew-
elers' Weekly.
Not Generally Contagious.
Doctor-Notwiths the fact
that there are new diseases coming
up every day, the old ones seem TO
hold their own all the same.
Tarter-Yes? Well, that may be,
but there's one Of the old sort that
don't seem to affect my out-of-town'
customers at all.
what is that?"
"The remitting fever. - Boston,
Courier.
No Dog-Car for Him.
Mrs. Toney Ito Uncle Jake, from
the country)-Well, Uncle. after
luncheon guess we'll go fora drive
through High Park in the dog-cart.
Uncle Jake-Dog-caft! Oh, goshi
I've druv round many a time with a
OK team, but I'm essentially burned
eff I'm a-goini to make a holy show OF
myself by ridin' round behind no
dorg-team. 1t may be Toronto STYLE.
but I can't go it,. I'd sooner walk any
day.-Grip,.
THE Hebrews whom we have adj
mitted to our shores should be pro-
tected, like other residents, from
ruffianism and persecution. Their
peculiarities, of appearance are their
own affair, and their long boards are
as much entitled TO immunity as En-
1plish muttOn-chops or native chin