The critic., 1891-01-03
SMILES AND GRINS.

The girl OF the period-the one with hand
some dot.-Nep York Herald
The new broom sweeps clean. but 1t must
keep on sweeping to be better than the old one
in ofiice.-NeU Orleans Piodyune.
The average wife hates to ask her husband
for money, and In most cases he hates to have
her-ScMeruiRe Journal.
You can cry In secret, but you can't enjoy a
Joke alone.-Atch,soH Globe.
Sam Jones models an epigram after o
hornet-a very little body and a very big sting
at the end.-Adontd Constitution.
The latest expression to indicate misfortune
is that "the hind wheels of bad luck have run
over you."-NeW Orleans Neip Delta.
"Graciousl" said paterfamilias, as the bills
for the Christmas presents purchased by his
wife and daughters came In, 'unlcss 1 can
pawn some OF the gifts they have received
wen have to live on salt pork for a month";
Boston Times.
Bcssie-,Do you know why Miss Bellows left
Jessic--She said she had 80 many notes to
eing that che couldn't get time during service
TO answer those the tenor wrote to herl-Neo
YorA Herald.
lle-How did you enjoy the acting at the
matinee?
shc-It was something atrocious! The color
of the leading lady's gown didn't match the
ribbon on her pug dogs neck!-Ne~ York
Herald.
Inttcrcu tramp Et the door MISS lfOttcf
an hour after her brother left the house)-Yodr
husband sent me for his best overcoat, ma'am.
lie wants me to take It to be cleaned.
Miss Trotter (sarcaetlcally)- VIII you kindly
tell me when am to be married TO this hus-
band who wants his ovcrcoatY-' Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Mra. Freshly-Is your husband rs entertain
ing to you AZ he was before your marriagey
Mrs. Younger-N-n-no; l can't say that he Is.
George used to be one OF the wittiest and most
lOmicll men / ever knew.
Mrs. Freshly--And he Is not SO amusing now?
Mrs. Youngcr-lle IL not 10 original. He
brings the comic papers home and we read
them together now.-Ch;cago America.
chappic-Excuse me, miss, for stepping on
Belle OF the ball-Don't mention it, pray;
you do not weigh enough to tear it!-Nep York
Herald.
Trembling Youth-Madam, / love you to dis
traction; win you be my wifeY
Girl OF the Future-You may leave your
references and call again!--New York HeIald
A Syndicate Poem.
observation-disclosures Fassett sent me today u
lovely compliment IN the shape OF poem.
Alice-Does he rhyme "love" with "dove,"
and "heartm and "arlf"
GwendollnIYcsl Why do you ask
Aice-Oh, he sent me the same poem last
week.-An'eifcan StdfioHtr.
Maud--lIow did the ihistetoo work, Ethel'
Any engagement to reporti
Ethei-Don't FAY word, or l shall cry.
waltzed under II twenty times, but OF course,
couldn't look at II,
Meud-Didn't George take advantage OF
thRty
Ethel-No; but, after he had on hls coat to
90, he called my attention. to o card that imp
of n brother of mine had put up--thlnk OF III
Beware of the poison ivy"-N6W York
Herald.
c. II. Stevens OF Arlington, Texas n married
man and n man OF affairs Is reported as having
elopcd with "his pretty typewriter This
does not mean that he ran away with his type-
writing machine, but with the handsome
young lady who manipulated It, As this sort
of thing Is growing more and more common
some name must be agreed upon Tor the dcrt
feminine who uses the so-callcl typewriter
Suppose we call her hereafter the anGnuensl5
and be done with ity-Nep YORK World.
"Goodby. forever George" she said,
And full Of grier and woe,
Poor George stumbled down the steps
And to his home did 60
Next day he got n scented note,
Which said, "Come see your Belle;
] he goOdby NJ the door last night
Was only Patti farewoll.M
-New York H.rdid
Bfiggs-Whilc | was howing to the beautiful
Misc Bildash the other evening at the hall,
one OF my suspenderH came Off ana tell &C her
feet.
Grgps-IlOw very embarrassing.
Briggs Yea, You should have seen her bld ii.
- CMCiaHQN COH,WeFcldi- Gdsetts.