The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1891-10-28

Chollie (glancing at the bill OF fare)-Pd order
| quail on toast IL they had ii, Bella; but they
haven't apparently, SO guess Wen have some
plain
waiter-we have quail on toast sir. although
1t isn't on the bill.
Chollie (sotto voco)-Shut upi-
No fictitious certificates. but solid facts, testify
the marvellous cures by Ayers Sarsaparilla.
At 11:30p.m.
| Mr. Pulpieigh-Of course, you will understand,
Miss Paperstock that our store is SO large that it
is separated into many departments.
Miss Paperstock with effort)-And In what de-
pdrtment are your
Mr.. Pulpleigh-.In the stationery
Miss paperstock-Of course; how stupid OF me !!
might have known fJ.
Detroit Free Press.
~ remember Johns on's Anodyne Liniment,"
said an old man, "when was boy" Same
now.
Didn't See Much of Him.
"Your husband" said the caller, sympathiz-
iDg'y, twas man of many excellent qualities"
"Yes," sighed the widow. HE was good
man ytS S says ,. So wasn't much &C.
lodges. "-Chicago Tribune.
with Ely's Cream Balm child can be treat
ed without pain and with perfect safety. 1t cures
catarrh, hay fever and colds In the head. 1t is
easily applied into the nostrils and gives imme-
date relief. Price so cents
Mr.. Blinkers-I understand that your son and
my daughter are engaged, ard feel that on &C
count OF my daughters youth their marriage
should be postponed.
Mr.. Levelhead-What? My son talking about
Hs e sncW enOaR ss
over Sunday. Why, sir, the fellow hasn't been
out of college over year.-Good News.
My catarrh was very bad. For thirty years
/ h we been troubled with it-have tried num-
Der of remedies without relief A druggist adj
vlsed Ely's Cream Balm. L have used only one
bottle and can say feel like a new man. /
make this voluntary statement that others may
know Of the Balm.-J. w. Mathewson. Uawyer),
Pawtucket, r. /.
Hampton-That was the most realistic death
scene at the opera house last night that ever
witnessed.
Cason-That so?
Hampton-Yes. You know, in the third act
Bucher, who plays the part of the yillals is sup
posed to be Killed by mob.
Cason-Yes.
Hampton We'll. last night the audience took
the part of The mob.-Philadelphia Times.
To start new growth Of hair, Halls Hair Re-
newer is the best preparation.
Prof. Whackem- Who helped you to do these
sums?
Johnny Fzzetop- Nobody, sir.
What, What2 Nobody; Now don't ei Didn't your
mo, he didn't help me. He did them all by
Prompt relief 10 sick headache, dizzi-
ness, nausea constipation, pain in the side, guar
anteed to those using Carter's Little Liver Pills.
One dose. Small price. Small dose. Small
| pill.
| Mrs. Jocelyn-Dont you miss your husband
| very much now that he is away?
| Mrs. Golightly-0h, not at all. You see he left
me plenty of money, and ct breakfast just stand
newspaper up In front OF his plate, and half the
| time forget that he really isn't there.-Puck.
Ayers Hair Vigor invigorates the scalp; cures
dandruff and itching. An elegant dressing.
In London one evening, writes a correspondent
was locking for the Alhambra. Not Knowing
exactly in which direction it was. stopped to in
qure Of passerby, when suddenly the name Of
| the theatre escaped me entirely.
The situation was awkward, but said: 'Do
you know where that large theatre is near here
the name begins with 'AP"
The man replied at once:
''Oh, you mean the 'Aymarket, sir"-Youth's
Companion.