The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1891-01-15
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Fastener lin far Western store)-
''GGt any neckties?" Proprietor (mysti-
fedl l-"Um--er-what sort-silk, calico
or hemp?'-Good News.
We know what the girl who never
thinks talks about. Now we would like
to find out what the girl whonever talks
thinks about-Atchison Globe.
-Flora-'Who is that fat awkward
woman who doesn't seem to know what
to do with her hands and feet?" Nora
30, that's Mrs Hustler, the eminent
teacher of 'Delsarte. '"-America.
- haven't had an outing for two
years" complained Mrs. Jaysmith.
That's too bad!' replied her husband,
sympathetieally. "Ill look at the ad-
vertisements and see if there isn't
free excursion to sale of lots you can
go to to-day. "-Harper's Bazaar.
The velocity of light has been meas
ured and recorded, but the rapidity with
which woman can scatter bad news
guesswork. Rams Horn.
Lady Gpest-'I leave this house in
an hour" Clerk-"Is there any thing
wrong, madam" Lady Guest 'Wrongi
Well, should say SO. Why, the next
room and mine are connected by a door,
and you have actually stopped up the
keYhole. IN. Y. Sun.
"A Laudable Desire. Wife-s'Dear,
dear! What can you be dropping oil on
your best coat for?" Husband-sI
bought bottle of stuff to-day to take
out grease stains with, and wanted to
see if it was any good. "-Clothier and
Furnisher.
-"Isn't Jones Christian Scientist
a believer in the faith cure?'' ''He is. -
us it true that he wouldn't have doc
tor for his wife the other day when she
was sick?" ''It is quite true" "Well,
saw a doctor go into his house just
now" Oh! that's all right He's sick
now himself. Cape Cod Item.
An erratic old gentleman in New
York recently went hence and left
largo fortune to be expended in teach.
ing people to eat with their forks Had
he left one-half the sum to provide
something for them to practice on, his
memory as benefactor would have
lasted longer.-Ram's Horn.
Cousin Tom Ito Lizzie. who, with
the rest of the family, has just returned
from the country Aren't you glad to
get back to the city? | should think
| you would be all Lonesome in that sleepy
town" Lizzie-"O, no. We got ac-
quainted rapidly. and / had several
lovers, to boot" Cousin Toni should
think your father would have attended
to that" Boston Herald.
-Travers-"Say, old man, great
scheme! Am going to London. You
order what clothes you want. Same
height, same breadth. ! buy them.
Bring 'em back Good fit Cheap. Eh?"
Dashaway-"S Splendid. I'll make out
my order at once. When you get back,
I'll pay you.'' Travers-"Y will, eh?
Well, I'd like to know how you expect
me to get over there?'-Clothier and
Furnisher.
MIR. Mushroom. 81 wish you would
send one O. those invites to old Skee-
sicks and his wife. +" Mrs. Mushroom
what! Them vulgar skeesicks? I
won't do it." Mr.. Mushrooms 'Of
course, they amt so blamed cultured:
but they can study up little" Mrs.
Mushroom-''F heavens sake, Jere-
miah! You'll be wanting me to ask our
fathers and mothers here next"
Dol lie smuggling quite close to his
watch chain)-"What have you in that
locket?" Chollie-''A postage stamp.
Dollie-'' 'Goosie! What postage stamp?s
Chollie-'sThe one on your last love-let-
ter. detached it carefully. It touched
your moist red lips. It often touches
mine" Dollie-"You dreadful fellow
I'm so sorryFn Sorryi Whyi'
! Dollie-'.. because moistened that
stamp by pressing it or Fido's dear,
damp nose. Pittsburgh Bulletin.