davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
August
Flower

There is~ a gentle
Dyspepsia. man at Malden-on-
he-Hudson, N. Y,
named Captain A. G. Pareis, who
has, written us letter in which it
is evident that he has made up his
mind concerning some things, and
this is what he says:
| have used your preparation
called August Flower in my family
for seven or eight years. It is con-
stantly i'll my house, and we consider
it the best remedy for Indigestion,
and Constipation we
Indigestion. have ever used or
known. My wife is
troubled with Dyspepsia, and at
times suffers very much after eating.
The August Flower, however, re-
lieves the difficulty. My wife fire.
quently says to me when I am going
to town, We are out
Constipation of August Flower,
and I think you had
better get another bottle am also
troubled with Indigestion, and when
ever I am, I take one or two tea
spoonfuls before eating, for day or
two, and all trouble is removed" o
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Ferf,;ned the Patent GT;ce.

The officers of the patent Office. who
are accustomed to all kinds of queer
inventions and who think themselves
casehardened against cranks and ss..'-
prise5 of every kind, had an experience
one day which was q novelty to
them. A pale-faced, thoughtfnl-look-
ing stranger walked into the chief
clerks office and said he had invented
a process for distilling musk from coal
oil, which produced perfume a hun
dred times more powerful than the
natural essence, and at less than one
hundredth part of the cost. He want
ed to know whetho" the process was
patentable
The chief clerk, who was at that time
asserting his mail for distribution
among the different divisions, looked
up with a slightly incredulous smile
and remarked:
you've got a good thing if you
have an invention like that
you don't believe me?" remarked
the applicant. Il will prove it."
Quick as flash he pulled small
phlal from his pocket and scattered the
contents over the papers lying on the
chief clerks desk. The odor of 80, 00G
muskrats Immediately filled the office.
1t was all in vain that doors and win
dows were opened, the powerful scent
could not be got rid of. Worse still, it
was carried into half the other di-
visions of the building by the distribute
ed mail. Two days after the incident
the chief clerk said that he had mad
vertently shaken hands with the in
ventor, and though he washed his
hands at every available opportunity
the scent of the musk chung to them
still. A week has passed, but the odor
of musk is plainly perceptible in the
patent office. The clerks carry it home
in their clothes and begin to think they
are scented fer life.
This mans application will be acted
upon one way or another without a mo-
ment's unnecessary delay and without
calling upon him for another nasal
demonstration.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
THE REASON WHY.
An Old Sea Dog Who Wouldn's Toll
Lie.

"How is it, Lieutenant" asked a
young man of gray-mustached naval
officer, ''that your many years of sea
life, involving, no doubt, many strange
adventures, one never hears you relate
your experiences of the sea?'
"Well," was the answer, II will re-
late to you a little instance of misplaced
confidence. Some years ago was at
tached to ship on the China station.
One night, it was my turn to take the
midwatch. I settled myself on the
starboard bridge-rail.
I'm few moments I noticed COM
motion in the water close to the ship.
There appeared not more than a half
cable length from where was standing
a most gigantic sea serpent. I had
often read of such things, but had never
believed in them, but could not doubt
the evidence of my own eyes. In a
moment it vanished, to reappear the
next instant almost under our bow.
The moon was shining brightly and |
got good look at it. The monsters
hSSbA W ho iuil ltil t1h OH VI Nlittl y
-four barrel, and it was at least ~ feet
above the water.
1T disappeared in few moments.
The next morning at breakfast | relat-
ed my experience to my brother officers,
and soon after turned into my bunk.
just before lunch felt like drinking
glass of beer, and, ringing for the boy,
ordered him to bring nc bottle. The
rascal didn't appear in reasonable time
and | rang for him again. whats
the matter with the beer, Jim?" !
asked.
i" 'Nuthin' dc matter wild de beer,
Mr.. Bobstay.'
/" Then why don't you bring it?"
I" Can't do it, Mr.. Bobstay. De
doctor done stopped yore beer. Said
dat pusson dat sees such snakes as
you wuz talking about dis morning
Orn't to hab no more beer
And that is the reason that don't
like to tell remarkable stories"
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
The Boy Wasn't Asked.

The Rev. Samuel G.. Smith Of St. Paul,
is not only for pulpit oratory, but for
practical works. He holds, it is said, that
one atom of practical Christianity is worth
a world of mere piety. He is ever ready
to step out of the pulpit and take hand in
the enforcement of the law. He is himself
keen In the use of ridicule and as keenly
sensitive to its shafts when it is turned
upon him. He is therefore ever on the
alert to avoid being victimized in any way.
The following joke concerning him is
going the rounds
Some time before w. P. Murray ceased
to be city attorney, DR.. Smith happened in
upon him one afternoon, leading a boy of
II years by the hand.
Mr.. Murray, want you to have -,
who keeps a saloon down here on Fourth
street, arrested. He gave this boy a
drink
''Well! ahem!' was the first character
istic utterance of Mr.. Murray, with a
winking, a twitch or two of the head and
a brush or so of the hand over the head and
face. "What time were you in that sa
loon-lad!' quizzed the attorney.
"Jcst KEN out minnit ago." replied the
boy modestly.
Hum; yes, yes! How did you come to
go ins''
Don't know. Jest happened tor
"Gave you drink, did they!"
"Yaas.''
And the boy wiped his nose with an up
ward stroke of the palm of his hand, while
DR.. Smith looked On with an expression of
satisfaction. Mr.. Murray scratched his
head minute and proceeded.
"Ahem; well; what did they give you to
drink"
"Glass of water,' replied the youth.
'Why didn't you tell me that?" shouted
the divine, turning very red in the face.
''You didn't ask me, sir,' returned the
youth demurelY
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
HEARST'S LUCK.
He Regarded the Possession of His Riches
as a Miracle.

as n Miracle.
The late Senator Hearst once said he
regarded his possession of an immense
fortune nothing less than a miracle
Il was 80 years old he said, "when
the row made over the discovery of the
COmstOck silver mines set the whole
coast wild. | had been disappointed
in the work I'd been at, and found my
self pretty nearly broke. l had enough
to buy q horse and the outfit and started
over the mountains from California
with the boys. That broke me, and |
wasn't feeling happy, because Id
worked and struggled and spcculatc1
for a good many years, and it struck
me as rather rough that a man of my
age should have to start out, as | did
then, like a young fellow. There were
about ten or twelve of us in the party,
and as | was blue they let me alone
rather, and my mustang being worn
down, | stopped on the trail, put my arm
through the Bride and picked out rock
to sit on. The rest of the boys rode on,
but sat there. There wasn't any reason
why [ should particularly. only did.
The whip | had was a willow switch
I'd pulled from a tree while | rode
along. As sat there | switched tho
dust Of the trail and thought shall | 90
with them, or shall | go back9 |
switched and switched and thought and
thought. | saw behind me all the
hard work I'd done, all the chances
I'd taken and lost on, and felt old and
used up and no good. My sense told
me to turn back and make my fight
where | was known. There was safety
in that anyway. But I'd been camping
night after night with the boys ahead
of me and it made me lonesome to
think of parting company with them.
SO after switching and switching the
dust on the trail, and feeling weak and
human because | yielded, | mounted
my horse again and rode on after the
party. / got to the Comstock and in
six months | made half a million
dollars. That is the foundation OF
what I've done since. Now, why
shouldn't [ have turned back when |
hesitated? 1t would have been sensi-
BILE conservative TO do that But I
didn't. and because | didn't won. II
you're ever inclined to think there's no
such thing as luck, just think of me. -
GlObe-Democrat.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
q, The Misery Of Ef.

Human wrctchcdness touches bottom In
sea sickness. Life is held a feathers weight
by the unfortunate afflicted with it. Why
endure its atrOciOus internal conYuislons
when Hostettcr's Stomach Btters relieves
them instantcr, Not only relieves. but pre-
vents 1t is not always on the ',brlny' that
travellers nausea is experienced. Railway
i0urneying. riding with ones back to the
horses or the locomotive sometimes produces
it in representative stomachs. Hostetter's
Stomach Rit.crs is always the prompt
remedy. The nischievous properties or
ma. unwholcSomc or unaccustomed 1000,
excessive fatigue whether bodily or mental,
the dysDcptic tendency bred by sedentary
pursuits The perniciOus effects of exposure
to extremes of temperature or dampness,
all these arc cfectually counteracted by
this genial prcservative Of health. Cures
also rheumatisrn,k kidney and bilious trouble.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
An Undeserved Insult.

ITO come to business at once" said
the spokesman ''we will give you $50
If you will vote as we desire on this
measure"
'Gentlemen, ?" replied the alderman
from the 'steenth ward, his eye ablaze
and his whole frame swelling with in
dignation, you insult me beyond the
power of words to express by presum-
ing 50 think I would sell my vote-fol
S50!"- Chicago Tribune.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

We offer One Hundred Dollars reward
for any case Of catarrh that cannot be cured
BY taking Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. J. CHENEY & co, Props, Toledo, Q.
We. the undersigned, have known F. J.
Cheney for the last is years, and believe
him perfectly honorable in all business
tran sactions, and financially able to carry
out any obligations made by their firm.
WEST g. TRUAx, Wholesale Druggists, To
ledo, o.
WALDIN, K1NNAN & MARVIN, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, 0.
Halls Catarrh Cure 10 taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent
free. Price 75c per bottle. Sold by all
druggists.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
New York in 1901.

New York Dame "a thousand years
hence)-Tell my daughter she must not
forget that dinner will be an hour earlier
to day. She is in Egypt"
Automatic Servant-Yes, mum. (Tele-
phones photographic signal to Pyramid
station No. SO, 999.)
Damc-I see tho air-ship from Market
street, Japan, nearing the window. Bring
my husbands slippers and dressing gown:
Automatic Servant-Yes mum.
Dame-Now touch button A, L, r, T, Y,
and X I think that will be all we will
want for dinner. Here comes my daugh-
ter on her bi-wjng flyer, just in time. Call
up No. ssss.
Servant-Yes, mum.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Correct Diagnosis.

Doctor-Good morning, Mr.. Lover.
What can do for youH'
Mr.. Lover-I-I called, sir, to-ask for
the hand of--of your daughter.
"Humph Appetite goods'
'Not very"
allow is your pulseE'
every rapid when-when I am with her.
Very feeble when away"
"Troublei with palpitationP'
lawfully, when think OF her"
Take my daughter. You'll soon be
cured. Ten dollars, please
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Where Chemistry Fails.

Mrs De Jones-My baby spilled about a
quart of ink on a lot Of old rags, and a
drop or two got on my best dress. Have
you anything that will take ink out!'
Honest Druggist-I have many things
that will remove ink from old rags, but |
don't know of anything that will take ink
cut of a best dress''
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Too Low Down.

Miss Astorbilt--Are you going to Miss
Bangup's partyE'
Miss fremont (of Boston, Certainly
not I have 70 desire to associate with
the common herd she has about her.
Miss Astorbilt--Common herd! Who?
Miss fremont - Oh, milllonaires aad
such people.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
It's sometimes said patent

It's sometimes said patent
medicines are for the igno-
rant. The doctors foster this
idea.
"The people," we're told,
"are mostly ignorant when it
comes to medical science"
Suppose they are! What
a sick man needs is not knowl-
edge, but a cure, and the medi-
cine that cures is the medicine
for the sick.
DR.. Pierce's Golden Med
ical Discovery cures the "do
believes and the "don't be-
lieves." There's no hesitance
about it, no eff" nor "possi-
bly,"
1t says can cure you,
only do as I direct"
Perhaps it fails occasionally.
The makers hear of it when it
does, because they never keep
the money when the medicine
fails to do good.
Suppose the doctors went
on that principle. 1--WE beg
the doctors pardon. 1t
wouldn't do
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
A Mean Manager.

Anxious Friend-Mercy! What's the
matterl
Star Actress-Boo-hoo! On, that man
ager is too mean; he's trying to ruin my
reputation.
1.-THE brute! How!'
Il refused 10 play in new part, and he
boo hoo-he hasn't sued me for damages
ut allV
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Those IIl-Natured People.

Clara (haughtily)-I went to the theater
every night last week and had different
escort each time.
be more cautious, my dear.
"Cautious!"
eyes, my dear. 1ll-natured people all
over town are saying you can't get the
same man to go with you twice"
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
The Point Of View.

Average Woman-What9 Not going to
church to-day.
Average Man-What's the usea Our
new preacher is so near sighted he can't
tell whether we're there or not.h
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Greatly A Afflicted.

Mrs. De Platte-How are you all at
home, Mrs. Brownstonr'
Mrs. Brownston-Not well at all. My
daughter has Ia grippe, my country cousin
has the influenza, and my servant grill has
colo in the head
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Produced from the laxative and nutritious
Juice of California figs, combined with the
medicinal virtues of plants, known to be
most beneficial to the human system, acts
gently, on the kidneys, liver and bowels
effectually cleansing the system, dispellina
colds and headaches, and curing habitual
constipation.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castorte
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

For impure or thin Blood, Weakness,
Malaria, Neuralgia, Indigestion, and Bill
ousness, take Browns Iron Bitters-it
gives strength, making old persons feel
young-and young persons strong; pleas
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

''Now good digestion wait on appetite,
and health OH both" This natural and
happy condition of the mind and body is
brought about by the timely use of Prickly
Ash Bitters. While not beverage in any
sense, it possesses the wonderful faculty
Of renewing to the debilItated system all
the elements required to rebuild and make
strong. If you arc troubled with a head
ache, diseased liver, kidneys or bowels,
give it a trial, it will not fail you.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Sufferers from Coughs, Sore Throat
etc, should try "Broacn's Bronchial 1rO
cAes,' simple but sure remedy. Sold only
IN bores. Price rs cts.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

The sooner we learn the fallibility OF all
human kind the sooner we respect our
selves,
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

The complexion becomes clear, the skin
free from eruptive tendencies, the appetite
and digestion improved, aches and paint
cease, the body grows stronger, sound sleeI
at night habit, and the general health
every way better when DR. John Bulbs Sar
saparilla Ia made use OF.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

For Dyspepsia, Indigestion, and Stom-
ach disorders, use Browns Iron Bitters
The Best Tonic, it rebuiIds the system
cleans the Blood and strengthens the mus
eles. A splendid tonic for weak and de-
1ilitated persons.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

There are a thousand ard one ways to
maize money; there is only one way to
save it.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

When it is said of a man that he has
reached years of discretion, it does not
mean so much that he is better as that he
is more cautious.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Before marrying widow, it might be
we'll to remember that there is no more
powerful rival in the world than dead
rival
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

The best friends man has are those
who are never called upon to prove their
friendship.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

How cruel to force children to take nasty
worm medicines. DR.. Bulls Worm De.
stroyers are always sure and tasts like dainty
little candies.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

A great many people get into the swim
who can't swim.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
E%rup OF Figs.

A person must have quick mind if HI
would catch his own ideas.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

The Janus faced man always knows just
which way to run.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Very few young men ever amount t.
much until they quit fast horses.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

.sHnnsOn's Magic Corn Snlve.'
Warranted to cure, or money re1undeo. ASK
your Druggist for it. Price Is cents.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

The drunken man blows his own horn In
ones face-and nose.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

The crooked man is often found in finan-
cal straits.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
ROW TO MAKE MONEY.

A typographical error is sometimes a
capital OffenSa
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Mrs. WiIsIovy' Soothing Syrup, for Chi
dren teething, softens the gums. reduces inflamma
ton. allays pain. cures wind collie. 25c. bottle.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

When man laughs his enemies grou
older.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Why say horse" back" riding! Nobody
rides horse On the neck.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Bow'a 'Thisf

Conscience should be master Of all cere
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20
Danger of Agreeing.

Clara-That handsome stranger appears
to have taken quite shine to you, Maud.
Maud--Y -e-s; l can't imagine why.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

HOW 10 MAKE MUNEHe
Tread what Mr. Bell said about making $50 per month
also sent to the Standard Silver Ware Co, Essex St.
Boston Mass. and received fine of samples.
took orders tho first day that paid me $40 profit; made
s40 tho first week; at the end Of month had elo
clear profit. Any get circulars and agency by
writing the above firm. l hope Others may profit BY
my experience. Yours Truly, W. F. WILLIAMS.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Now let US have ten days of sunshine
and sec if we are not all happy.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Suspicion Of wrong doing breaks up
more homes than actual wrong
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

When you ask little fellow to be good
boy these days he winks at you.
St. Landry democrat., 1891-06-20

Maud-PlI never speak to you again, so
tboro
The sun., 1891-07-12

ssse fiilsd VIII, The most msspidc.ns stones.
hs dssr ss sreen r'e q q sbs sns &
shades Of bsryls, OF amsthys,s q onynes n.so Of.
seemed to mi the whole chamber with vague,
,,wiUking, many ;colored lights, Long slabs Of
@ al spssinsns saas Sse a eas ana red and
white cora. long strinssot Iusirous pearls. all
hss ss Sour @ BY s
- This isn't bad." he said, holding up great
glowing yellow mass IS large IS 81, own h head;
was Forwarded to ONT me S BY ny 'S agent at iIs BAL.
tic. Twenty eight pounds It Weighs never
brian,s = there @ xers Hs' no very y' large a ones
te beS put 1ysrnss ID Gpod @ dob
let % ss G.aysns sHw s.a Sr's kJRs ss snne
i0 IN issI efs' Surely re hunreI 'honsand d p"nnds
would hardly buy SO splendid u co oleo ion"
nor q prsesa. INA. SSs s.a Sss Ia Hsw Ts
inughips i Why 'hs contents o. that one 1T,
for the u sum which n You nan,e. % have a memo memS
here , Sf %has hayS exSSended np to lsts on
matters stand however, have spent. lot ms
seven flt:y; rIbies. eight forty; riliants. nine
hrs s ossr ssr.. nut ss cst
four million. seven hundred and for thousand,
! darcsav that we may say five million, tor
have not counte cd tho odd money"
Good aractous!" crod the young artist.
With stating eyes
II have a certain feeling OF duty In tho
matter; You see the cutting. POLISHING. and
general sRle OF stones 10 ono OF those In
dustries which is entirely dependent upon
wealth. Il We do not SUPPORT II It mqst
cradle numb.r Of people. The same APPLIES
to the gold nlagree work which ,on noticed in
the court. Wealth has it, rosponstbilit and
the announcement Of these handicraits is
among the most obvious OF them; Here is
In existence. / am inclined to think thatif 1t
were uncut u would be the second but Of
held NJ tho blazing rel stone about the size
OF chestnut: between his finger and thumb
drawer. :" Come into the smoking room" he
said. You Will need some little refreshment,
for they say that Sightseeing is the most ex-
occupation in the world"
CONAN DOYLE.
The sun., 1891-07-12
INFORMATION For 4 1n4Hz1LER.
Why Mr.. Churchil or London Decided to
Visit Arizona.


Prom the ChieaOo Herald.
60 to EusoP. upt haye S"na ss.n all
gnest at the RichslIsu.
Themss. Churchill OF London
about. EnelIsAm come over here ana stay
q day or 80 In Nav YORK, go TO Niagara Falls.
enjoy half dozen hours IN Chicago, VISIT one
1r sWG Q, as M h,y9s o End
you miss half u the sights. was with
party riding over, Arizona a. few weeks ago.
tho long horssback iaunt % W. Lad "r tray s elisd led
about five miles over the Apache bad lands
where We found = lake entirely surrounded by
Indians. The color OF the lake WAS brown. and
its cool ersszSs We're Of mcs, fafslnHing
Indians with their heads is The water; the the
other half were dancing and yelling Us II on
ILe contents OF the lake and we drank it; nni
insvsr drank such pleasing liluid In my
ltis. II the had berp y cherry In the bottom
%.n S sI wSa have % Gan hs, We
from u ManhatlRn cocktail II was tho most
mysteriou. incident hat ever came across.
Tut the nhenomspon e easily eXrIainsd BY the
try WAS covered with prickiy pears. or cactus.
from which meseal is distilled. This growth
was covered with water and mud ard heat
worked upon 1t the proces: Of distillatiop. Just
as oil H. formed beneath tho sarth's rhell.
Some volcanic force pushed 1t out OF the
why ana now sSfs AMI sSsn
but can be found about half Of the time"
Do you sunnoss IL 10 there now Z" quickly
asked the EnglishmaD.
Then, iii change my route and take in
Arlzopa"