The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-06-26
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Mrs. Parvenoo-'My daughter, Ell
vira, made her debris in society last
night" Wentman (politely)-"Yes: l
suppose there was frightful crush -
N. Y. Telegram.
-Arabella-"Is it true that Grace
Stedley has eloped with her fathers
coachman?" Felice-"O, no, she didn't
do as well as that; he was only the foot
man. Epoch.
threaten to go home to her mother?
am willing to own that mine does. :"
Braggs-"No, she threatens to send for
her mother. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Say, barber" said the victim to
the artist, you are using different
brand of shaving soap than you used
last week" "Why do you think SOP"
ut tastes different N. Y. Recorder.
did YOU" he asked in an intensely
sentimental tone, never sigh for
death?" "Whose?" she inquired with
an interest and promptness that brought
him back to earth so fast that he fairly
lost his breath.-Washingto Post.
-"Simpson has written new play.
I'll be there when it comes out and then
I'll have chance to get even with him, :"
said the critic. what have you got
against him." Against Simpson? Why,
man. owe him $50 N Y. Continent.
A Satisfactory Apology.-Mr. Figg
Laura tells me that you were sere-
nading her last night" Nudge -
"Well?'' Mr.. Figg - II just came
around to apologize for throwing that
hair brush at you You see, l thought
it was the dog. "-Indianapolis Journal
Where the Fun Came In.-"Some of
the college boys got badly hurt yester-
day night" "What's the matter?"
They had a baseball match, you see"
They must have played desperate
game" so, they wern't hurt in the
game: it was in celebrating the victory"
-Wife-"Did You change the dress
pattern and blow the man up for the
mistake? Husband-''I had it changed,
but the clerk declared that he knew
you We're wrong" Wife-''Wen. what
did you do about it?" Husband (grimly)
i shook hands with him''-Cloal1
Review
The Law Wouldn't Allow tt.
you remember asking me to he your
wife," Il do" "And said couldn't
be your wife but would be a sister to
YOU YES" Il have reconsidered the
matter and am now willing to be your
wife" Excuse me, but it's too late.
The law wouldn't allow it. A man
can't marry his sister in this country"
N. Y. Press.
The Unattaina ble-She - There,
haven't l sharpened that lead pencil
rlght?" He-"Y-e-s." Shetland l
can throw one stone straight, can't
~" He "Ye-s, my dear" She
well, then! l should like you to
tell me something else a woman can't
DO" He-'I only know one thing. my
dear, and that is to tell conundrum
without forgetting either the question
or the answer."-N. Y. Continent.
A small boy. in composition upon
girl, writes: If girl don't feel like
doing thing you can't make her, no
matter whether she had orter or not
If she won't she won't, and she will get
out of it somehow. That is all | know
about girls this time" And if this
boy marries three times and lives to
a ripe old age that will be all he will
ever know about girls.-N Y. Recorder
She is not unknown in fashionable
society. her wealth drawing about her
set of admiring followers. Lately she
had some affection of the throat, and
called physician. After an examina-
ton. he said Madam. shall have to
touch two or three of the affected spots
with nitrate of silver" 50, doctor,
please don't do that answered the pa
tient, Use nitrate of gold: the ex-
pense is quite immaterial. San Fran
cisco Examiner
A GraYnnTt icuI prouoSaI