Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-12
IOUS.

Young Doctor-I prescribed for my first patient yesterday. Young Lawyer (anx- iously)-Has he made his will yet.-Puck.
 Angelina-'I see that there is some trouble of lighting the buildings for the fair at Chicago" Algernon-'T think that it is best to hold the fair in the dark. '" Lowell Citizen.
 Judge-All the fools have not ceased to practice as attorneys, see. Lawyer-No, your honor, there are not judgeships enough to provide for the whole of them. New York Press.
 AGreat Advantage -Teacher-Suppose, Tommy, you were president of the United States, what you'd you do? Tommy-I would not let anybody wash my face or comb my hair any more.-Tsxas Siftings.
 An annoying accident. -Sanso-'tI want to buy one of those unbreakable lamp chimneys you have advertised" Clerk ''I am very sorry, sir, but we accidently got our whole stock smashed this after noon. ."-Munsey's Weekly.
 Adolphus-I never read such story in all my life. It fairly made my brain reel. Kate-Impossible! Say that again, please. Oh, see now. You said reel I thought you said real Of course that makes all the difference in the world. - Boston Transcript.
 The Buffalo people are not at all alarmed concerning the retreat of Niagara Falls toward that city. When they heard that the fall is receding at the rate of twenty six inches year they simply divided twenty-two miles by twenty-si1 inches and obtained a respite of 5, ell years.-Spring- field Union.
 Watts-Aren't you ever going to get s.l~ t1 bring anything home Where's the fasci- nation in it, I'd like to know: Mrs. Watts Oh! I like to look at the new goods, you know, and to see what lovely things l could get if I had only married rich.- Indianapolis Journal.
 The Advertiser says: ''Chicago may have bank-robbers, but they are caught before they get out of the city limits" " This is quite reasonable. It would be a very long -winded robber who would, if chased by the police, get outside of the present limits of Chicago before being caught.-Lowell Courier.
 Loves Young Dream-"Wouldn't it be nice, Henry, dear" she whispered, as the sleigh started off and she drew the robe up, Eff we could always go through life together this waya" 'Yes," he answered, ''the coal bills would be little enough; but great CatseT, auCt! ho CoHtluucN, aitci o little thought, 'think of the livery bill. " -Harper's Bazar.
 A Tight Place ce-Travers-'1'm in a di- lemma. Invited young Suffer to take New Years dinner with me, and he hasn't showed up. I'm just about starved.'' Dash away-'I don't see that you are to blame. Why don't you get your dinner!" Tray ers-'Dinnerl You don't seem to under stand. I was going to borrow the money of Suffer. ."-Brooklyn Life. Jenks-Singular that the peaceful, mild eyed seal should cause so much trouble between Uncle Sam and John Bull. links Peaceful nothing! Mild-eyed fiddlesticks! Mars was nowhere compared to seal as an element of war. First civil war in my family about sealskin sacques; now a threatened war between two nations. Glad when the last seal is dead. Bull letin.
 A maid may love her own sex well, But ever since the world began, Beyond hundred thousand girls She'd rather have a single man, Philadelphia Times.