Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-05-12
SORROWS OF A BIG HEADED MAN.
He Describes Some of His Feeling from
Youth TO Manhood.

He Describes Some of His Feeling from
Youth to HIanhood.
In memory again l recall" the time
when and my playfnates used to make
mud pies, and at this delightful occupation
l WAS always in great request, for more
DIRT could be carried to the clean path in
my hat than in any other This distinction
Then was proud of, but as / grew into
boyhood the phenomenal size of my head
was often the cause of an aching heart, and
my sensitiveness was increased by the fire.
quent illusions which overheard.
Ii fell off tree or stumbled and fell
when running it was always said that my
head overbalanced me. My schoolmates
always made me the subject of their witt
cisms, which would often make me rush
home in agony and refuse to be comforted
once l had my epitaph written, and, I'M
like the general run of epitaphs, it did rot
extol my many virtues, but simply said:
Here lies the remains of Jimmy Clinnitt;
he'd tremendous head, but nothin' in it. f"
But my unhappiness was greatest after
left my mothers apron strings"
No one can imagine the unutterable an
guish | feel on going to a hatter's and be-
ing told, when the assistant has gone over
the whole of the stock that they have not
a hat big enough. On one occasion l had
gone through this trying ordeal with the
usual result, and when L asked the man TO
have one made to measure he, in whis-
per, asked another gent" behind the
counter to lend him double length tape
When / am at the BARRIERS all eyes are
upon me, and to prevent them telling me
that my head is a big 'un, l seldom go to
the same shop twice in succession, and
believe there are but few shops in the town
l have not patronized. One graspiug in
dividual, when | asked his charge after he
had welded the scissors round my era
mum, replied:
My usual charge is threepence, but,
begging your pardon, sir, your head takes
some getting roundr' 1t was enough. |
handed him sixpence, inwardly reproach-
ing nature for her waywardness in placing
such bane on my existence.
If / go to the theater my trouble is still
with me. | was once seated in the pit
waiting for the curtain to draw up. when
a man behind shouted for a plumber to put
piece of glass in my head so that he could
see the stage.
When l complain of headache my
| friends, in sympathy, say how / must suf-
fer if it aches all over. All my male ac-
| quaintances seem possessed with desire
to try on my hat, apparently finding great
fun in hiding their eyes and ears from view.
Only once in my life have l been in love
and then l cared not for my ''deformity,'
as Blanche appeared to reciprocate my feel
ings But had a rival One day had
my head out of the carriage window of q
train saying a few parting words &c
Blanche, who had come to see me off, when
up came my rival and inquired if he could
render any assistance in getting my heaG
back again into the compartment. l was
about to make a whitening reply when
saw Blanche laughing at this cruel joke
At that moment the train pulled off, anC
as l sank back on to the seat knew tina,
for me ''love's golden dream had passed.
| London Tit-Bits.