The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1891-04-09
WIT AND IIUMOR.

many claws they always feel weil.-
NeaO Orleans Picayune.
The office that seeks the man is like
ly to find him in goo~ many saloons
about election time. u uck.
A Factions reporter refers to the
National Council of Women as a gala
occasion. = Washington Star.
If it wasn't for whisky" remarked
the cork. Il would not be here in the
jug. - Indianapolis J0flrnGi.
Achilles was one Of the first men to
appreciate the disadvantage Of not be-
ing well heeled. - Washington Post.
Sergeant You must look out bold
and free into the world, fellows; as
free as-as franked letter. - F(iegende
Btatter.
Here's remarkable case. The other
day a wagonmaker who had been dumb
for years picked up hub and spoke.
Bt92ghanaton Leader.
Medicine" said little girl to her
playmate, lis something that makes
YOU be careful not to catch cold again"
= Washington Post
When a man begins to make a tenn
perance speech by calling whisky
ardent spirit look out for dry time
ahead. -R0no'S Horn.
What is the difference between the
first sergeant and the tenor drummer?
One calls the roll and the other rolls
the call. Pjttsburg Dispatch.
And, Edward, although you live
in a wicked city, suppose you go to
church regularity" 20, yes; | haven't
missed an Easter for years. Life.
Yes, but how do you know that
Blufkins is a married man?' 20,
am sure Of it. just see how happy he
is away from home. ''-B0st0n Tran
script.
Jake Jimpson-"Do you think my
new suit b, coming?" Clara Bellows
But it would be much more inter
esting should it be going, N T.
HerG5d.
A clever Erie county girl has gone
to painting her Plymouth Rock hens in
artistic colors in order to make them
lay decorated eggs for Easter. -B1B@lo
BTpreSS.
St Peter (to college man who has
been loaGng around Won't You
come imp" College Man (absent-mind-
edly) Whats the limit?' -H0rU0rd
L0mp00R.
Inqnisitive Visitor Cat the museum)
why are Won here?' Freak Ny
husband lost 500 900 in two years and
I never said I told you 50. IN T.
Recorder.
John E. Gett Cat an amateur mu-
sicale) - What's ne si"giug9" Miss
Van Clef: Let Me Like a Soldier
Die" Mr.. Gett: If had my gun
with me he should be gratitied. y
Briggs Hello! Here's bill for my
spring overcoat." Griggs- Why, J.
didn't know you had a new one"
Briggs-"I haven't. This is bill for
the one got last year. - loth5er.
I'D like to know why you hired
Young woman for a typewriter? de-
mended Mrs Hilow of her husband.
so I could have some one to dictate
to, replied the unhappy MANY Z
SAM
How are you my boy? I've been
asking all your old friends about YOU,
and they say they never see you. Been
out of the city?' No, I've simply
lost all of my fortune. Philadelphia
Times.
Wickars-'' Joggins, the inventor, is
living like Prince Nowadays Wick
ars-"So? Has he realized on his air.
ship?" Wickars-"No. That's where
he resembles a Prince. Indianapolis
journal.
Mr. Saymuch (to opera queen)-
You are like a lily of the field. You
toll not, neither do you spin" Opera
Queen Slightly offended) Then you
haven't seen my dance in the last act"
Christian Register
Nov, we will suppose that one cab
driver goes eight miles an hour, and
| that another one can 90 only six miles
an hour has three miles the start of
him. Where will they meet?" ''At
the ale-house. "-P2Icb.
New York: Elected for the Short
Term: Chicago Beau: Yes, We'll have
a marriage contract ifyou like. Speak,
dearest will you accept me?" Chicago
Belle: ''Yes-for three years, with the
privilege Of five. "-Judge.
Professor: Historically, which is
the older bird, the dove or the stork?"
Studeut-'I haven't given the matter
any study, professor, but l have no
hesitancy in saying that the stork is of
longer standing. '-Boston Courier
Sunday-school Teacher CATER
lesson on the blessings of giving)-
Now, why does it make US SO happy
to give our friends nice presents?"
Little Boy-''Cause we know they'll
try t give us nice ones. Good Nea0s.
Pompous Author (to veteran editor)
What would you advise a man
to do whose ideas are In advance
of the times?" Veteran Editor (prompt-
| ly)-'I would advise him to sit quietly
down and wait for the times to eaten
UP. "-Drake's Magazine.
Il say, DOCTOR" said the nervous
| Il. TO NJ