Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-01-27

When You Miss 1t.
When on the sea you rock and roll.
While Neptune levies frightful toll,
Row sweet to finger memory's leaves,
And view the gables and the caves
Of home. sweet home.
When in a mansion where you pay
Ten dollars daily while you stay,
How oft you see in candle gloom
A sEadowy picture of the room
at home, sweet home.
When with gun and fishing rod
You thro' the bogs and brambles plod,
Backward you turn your eyes and sigh,
And wish that you had wings to fly
To home, sweet home.
SPEcULAToRs can balance corners" in a
ball room.
EVERY increase of speed added to the loco
motive and the marine engine decreases the
size of the world.
In the parks of Santa Cruz signs bid you
walk on the grass and pick the flowers. If you
don't understand Spanish, however, you will
observe the American custom.
A RUSSIAN chemist has been offered millions
THE days grow longer daily, but the length
of the Senatorial day is still an unknown guam
thy.
WHAT is the difference between a good
farmer and poor paper hanger? One plasters
the soil and the other soils the plaster.
Don CAMERoNs cloud has very silyery
lining just now.
WHEN the mind grows rusty it will not re-
fleet thoughts.
FUTURE generatio s will take an under
ground electric car at the Battery in New Y ork
to visit Grants monument at Riverside.
After the Opera.
When the play is DER. and the curtain falls,
She'll sweetly smile on you,
And afterward, when the waiter calls,
She'll say, "Give me a stew"
BURLEsoUE actresses who are in a stew are
probably poured into their costumes
AHELpING hand-Three aces and a pair of
kings.
THE American tin plate syndicate should
boom the movement to preserve the forests.
AN elk can change his horns every ten weeks
For some Elks this means long time between
lemonades.
HUMAN beings have two ears and only one
tongue. We could get along with less tongue
and still have use for more ears.
GENERAL MILES believes soldiers fight bet
ter on full stomach than when suffering from
the pangs of hunger. The Indians think differ.
emily, doubtless because they have to-
IT'S the Diet in Austria that keeps 50 many
people poor.
Puts on the Tariff.
Love makes strong men grow weak,
1t makes wise men act queer,
And likewise, SO to speak.
Makes women very dear,
An Illinois woman has slept for nine months.
She will be kept busy for nine more catching
up to the fashions and the gossip.
In the Pacific islands the banana leaf is a
symbol of friendship. Here the skin is used to
break bones instead of bind hearts
THE skirt-dancer's costume contains about
100 YARDS of stuff, but most Of it goes to waist.
A GREAT many students do not learn wisdom
until after they leave college.
IF the Indians were taught to raise wool they
would not raise any moro hair.
THE Mt. Carmel air ship will probably col.
lapse on account of a defective few.
Works by Wind.
The gas may fail, the wells go dry,
Crates be without fame.
But he who reads the meters dial
Gives you the usual bill to file,
Ana gets there Just the same,
A POPULAR hum bug-The busy bee
You only make one visit to this world. and
YOU should strive to make it a pleasant one..
ONE half the world doesn't know how the
other half lives when a blizzard knocks out the
wires.
The higher your aim the better yourgame.
PROHIBITION will never make much head.