davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

A SHORT sToRY.-She-"Please
make me up a dose of caster oil.
Smart Clerk latter a lapse of five min
utes)-"Have a glass of soda, won't
your" ,,
She drinks soda and waits for the oil.
Smart Clerk--"Anything else, Missr'
She-s'The caster oil please"
Smart Clerk-''Why, l gave you the
oil in the soda!"
She-"Well, I didn't want 1t for my"
self. 1t was for my brother"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

While the whole medical world Is Engaged in
experimenting upon new remedieS and invent
ing theories TO account for diseases. -. Der.
the ancie t fathers. have been quietly and surely
counteractiDg the c luses OF diseases Uy stiiiu-
lating The healthy action Of the liver, kidneys
.excretion. restoring vitality an ! curing people
Of their diseases. a sample OF the st. Bernard
Vegetable Pills will be sent free to all appll-
eants. Address st. Bernard Box, 24l6, New
York.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

henry preparing for the country
-''There ought to be room in one of
the trunks for my things. 1 got you
SIX" Considerable Wife-"You forget,
dear, that my six dresses take a trunk
each. But | did not forget you. Here
is a nice little satchel you can have all
to yourself"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

"DID you ever" said one preacher to
another, stand at the door after your
sermon, and listen to what people said
about 1t as they passed out2" The
other replied, II did once"-a pause
and a sigh-"but I'll never do 1t
again"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

WISHED HE HADN'T AsKED.-"I say
Bobby. whispered Featherly, ibid your
sister say she hoped my trip would do
me goolF"
eyes; she told me last night that II
Mr.. Featherly went West she hoped he
would go for good"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

p A FOOT IN HER MOUTH. "A small
girl of three years old suddenly burst
out crying at the dinner table.
"Why, Mabel" said her mother,
''what is the matter?"
s'Oh," whined Mabel, "my teeth trod
ON my tongue!"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

CUT SHORT. -Husband-"Now we
will have a nice evening to ourselves;
shall l read alOud?'
Wife-Yes3what does it say about
the winter fashions? My dress
Husband-"Jove; l remember an n
gagement l had forgotten"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

IN AN advertisement by a railroad
company OF some uncalled for goods,
the letter "a" had dropped from the
lawful, and 1t read; people to whom
these packages are directed, are request
ed to come forward and pay the awful
charges on the same"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

"How does it happen that there are
so many old maids among the school
teachers?" asked a reporter Of a teach.
er the other day. because school
teachers are, as a rule, women of sense;
and no woman will give up a $50 posi-
ton for a SO man." was the reply.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

A MATTER OF PRIDE AND DECENCY.
"There, my good man, there's a plate
full of victuals, but l should think q
great, big, strong fellow like you would
be ashamed to begl'
$50 | am ashamed, but what am l to
do? / must either beg or workl'
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

A rival to the now celebrated "Wolse.
ley" strengthening machine, has been
tested In Melbourne, Australia, with
satisfactory results. This machine is
called the 'Silver," aud with it an ex-
pert can shear 200 sheep per day.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

PAPA-"Why 80 pensive. my daugh.
teri" Eloise: Jack Burlington has
just returned all my notes, and every
thing between US is ended" Papa:
"Q1ite a coincidence, my dear. One
OF his was returned to me this morning
-protested.n
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

SOMETHING T osAY.-Farmer Green
ito boy caught stealing his apples)-
'.weil, sir, what have you to say for
yourselfp"
Boy(with pockets full -"Please, sir.
may / have some apples3"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

For TIE ABsENTMINDED.- Bjinks
-"I'ye invented an ink bottle which
will make my fortune
Bjones-"What kind Is !"
~Biinks-s.It sounds an alarm at the
approach OF a mucilage brush"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Among Russian biologists the belief
APPEARS TO be settled that granite rocks,
ono thought to be of igneous and
eruptive origin, are really Of aqueous
formation. The GRANTEES of the rapids
OF the Dneiper when closely examined,
show stratiication, and under the mi.
croscope they are seen to contain drops
If brown water,
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

THEY SOUNDED FAMILIAR. -"Y Dung
Mr.. Snafles appears to have Inherited
his fathers ability as a preacher"
"Yes-and a good many OF his ser
mons, too"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

A CORRECT DIAGNosIs.-Young
physician Ito patient)-Your dyspepsia
comes | think, sir, from too high liv-
ing. You are a very high liver, are
you n0t?"
Patlent-Yes, sir; 1 live on the top
door OF a New York fat"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES
s'Ma, can l 60 over to Sallle's house and
play a little whilep' asked f~our.year-old
Nellie.
Yes, dear; 1 don't mind II you do"
"Thank you, MAJ was the demure
reply; 81 have BEEN"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

A SURPRISE. -Customer-"What
Is the matter with the milk this morn
ingp 1t has a very peculiar look"
Driver of Milk Wagon "a new handl
1.-THE truth is, ma'am, the boss forgot
to skim off the cream"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Over 5000 bolts, eight inches long,
were used in the construction of the st.
Clair (Mich.) tunnel every t~wenty-four
hours,
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06
Tourists,

Whether on pleasure bent or business,
should take on every trip a bottle OF
Syrup of Figs, asst acts most pleasantly
and effectually on the kidneys, liver
and bowels, preventing fevers, headaches
and other forms of sickness. Fol sale
in 5cc and S1,O0 bottles by all leading
druggists.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

THE DEAR GIRLs.-Maud-"George
proposed to me last night"
Ethel ale told me you we're next
on his list when l refused him last
week.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Cams Kidney Cure for
Dropsy, Gravel, Diabetes, Bright's,
Heart, Urinary or Liver Diseases, Nerv-
business, &c. Cure guaranteed. S31
Arch Street, Philad'a. 81 a bottle, 8
for So, or druggist. 1000 certificates OF
cures. Try IL.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06
HUMOROUS.

THE SUPPLY sTcPPED.-"Did that
man q were talking to SO excitedly
haul you wei the coals:"
mo; he said l couldn't have a scut-
tie more until / settleil"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Much of the corr grown In the West
last year vas too soft to put into
cribs.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

GRArIFIEp CURIosITY.-"Katie,"
said he. when the time came for nun 70
take his departure, ''do you thlhk you
care enough for mt TO link your Iot
with miner Could you leave his Dome
and be happier in another with me!,
eyes, Augustus, 1 think l COULD.
softly but unhesitatingH answered.
Katie.
81 didn't know wheather to ask you
or not" continued Augustus, 50
thought I'd see how you felt about IT,
And, having satisfied himself as 70 nei
feelings toward him, he took his na1 ~
go, hut he went without a gooa-n'sn'
kiss.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

An iron elevated railway, much like
che New York pattern, six miles long,
Is now in process of construction in Liv-
srpool, The cars are to he worked by
electricity.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The best cure, by all odds, for cut
or fesh-wound is to blind up snugly as
soon as possible in the blood-if aching
ensues, moisten in tepld water.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

George W. Kettoman, Of Penmar,
Penn, has invented an a piece for the
photograph. The contracting Of dis
ease by contact is impossible.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

A natural gas well at Normal. Texas,
although only 80 feet deep, yields a fine
flow Of gas and produces a flame 8 feet
high.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

What a change is wrought in people VINO
suffer from rheumatism when they take Hooos
sarsaparilla. The acldity of the blood is neu-
tralized, the blood is purified, the aching joints
and limbs ret easily and quietly, and ana a
feeling Of serene health is IMPAIRED.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Guaranteed I'VE year eight per cent. First
PAYABLE every six months principal and inter.
est collected when due and RENTED without
expense TO lender. For sale by j. IL. Bauerlein
& Co. Kansas City, Mo-. Write for particulars.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06
Children Tease For It.

DR.. Hoxsie's Certain Group Cure Is a boon to
children who are attacked with Group or acute
cOngestlve colds. Sold by druggists or mailed
on receipt Of 50 cts. Address A. p. Hoxsie,
Buffalo, N. Y.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS What's
the difference between a poet and a
plumber?p
Maddox - "The poet is generally
poor"
THAT isn't the answer"
"Let's have it then"
"The poet pipes the lay, but the
plumber lays the pipes"
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

ORDERS REoRDERs.-A gentleman
was looking at a suite Of rooms IN an
apartment house; he found them salts
factory, and said to the j~anitor:
TN take Them"
slave you any children, sir?"
"I es two"
'"Then I cannot let you the rooms,
"Why my children are both married
and live in Iowa"
"That makes no difference. MY orders
re not to take in any tenant who mas
hi ldren."
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Timber, Mineral, Farm Lands and Ranches
in Missouri, Kansas, Texas and Arkansas,
bought and sold. Tyler & Co. Kansas City. Mo.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Fruits and Trees, Points for Tree Planters.
This entire book Is ably written and gives
trusty Information for everyone growing fruit
| OF any sort or kind. Sen free by stark Bros.
| Louisiana, Mo.-OrdnoeJ Judd Furmer.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The London libraries all have smal
st~ationer's shop connected with tbem'
where the yariOusconveniences FOR WIFI
ing are supplied.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

DR.. j.. b. Mayer, S3l Arch ST., Phll'a.
lay from business, attested by thou
sands OF cures after others fail, advice
free, send for circular.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The Manhattan Elevated Railroad
Company Of New York City is preparing
to light its trains by electricity.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The Frazer Axle Grease is better and
cheaper than any other, at double the price.
ASK your dealer for 1t, and tax no Their.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The expenditure for pensions for the
year ending June 80, as now oiiciaiiiy
stated; amounted to Sl09, 351, 534. IN
the previous Year we paid SS7,644.TI.-
II, while IL the Year before that We
paid $50, 2sS, sos. II.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Lee Was Chinese Headache Cure. Harmless
in effect, quick and positive in action. sent
prepaid on receipt Off per bottle. Adeler s. Co.
81 Wyandotte ST.. Kansas City, Mo.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Seven hundred million oranges are
exported every year from Europe to
this country.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Oklahoma Guide Boo & md Map sent anywhere
nreceipt OF scots. Tyler Ho.,Kansas City, Mo.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

For Coughs and throat troubles use "Brown's
Bronchial Troches,"-"They stop an attack
Of my asthma cough very prolnptly.'-C. Falch,
MdmipfHe, ohio.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

FITS: An Fits scopes ree oy Or. Kline's aress
Nerve Resrorer. No Fits after nrst days use. Mar
yelous cures. Treatise and So. W trial bottle trees1
ltcsses. send 10 DR.. Kline. $751; Arcn st PhlA Pa
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Anv nsrson sendisg u their name and ad-
dress will receive Information that will lead
In a fortune. BENZ. Lewis 81 Co., Security
Building, Kansas City. Mo-
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Utilizing scrap steel rod by welding
it and drawing 1t into fence wire is one
of the recent successes Of electric weld
ing. .
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The underground system Of telegraphs
of the German empire has a total length
OF 5000 miles, and has lost $40. $1,000.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Chicago has a canning company that
is composed entirely of women.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

There are thirty thousand cases Of
the grip In New Orleans, La.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

There are more public holidays In
Honolulu, Hawaii, than in any other
city In the world.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

In Yokohama, Japan, with a popu-
lstion OF 20, 900. the number Of electors
q. under 800.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06
STATE OF ONO, Crrr OF ToLEDo,l "a

STATE OF ONO, CITY OF ToLEDo,l A.,
LUCAS COUNTY,
FRASKJ CHENEY makes oath that he Is the
senior partner OF the firm OF r. j. CHENEY q
County and State aforesaid, and that said
nrm will pay the sum OF ONE HUNDRED
DOLLARS for each and every case Of CATARRH
that cannot be cured by the use OF HALLS CA
TARRH CURE. FRANK. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed In my
presence, this 9Th day Of December, AID. 1886
49, A. W.GLEASON,
sRAL
t~S Notary Public.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally and
acts directly on the blood ard mucous sur
faces of the system. Send for testimonials, free.
+. j. CHENEY & Co, Toledo, o.
As-Sold by Druggists, 75c.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The golden poppy has been selected
as the State flower Of California.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06
Prepare
for Spring

Now is the time to attend to your personal
condition in preparation for the change to
spring season. II you have not "wintered WELL"
If you are tired out from overwork, II your blood
has become impure f.Om close confinement IN
badly ventilated offices or shops, you should
take Hoods Sarsaparilla at once. 1t will purify
and vitaIize your blood. expel all germs OF
disease, Great a good appetite, and give your
whole system tone and strength.
N. d. Be sure to get only
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Venezuela seems to be enjoying a
sea. On of remarkable prosperity.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

The Pope's army Is to be furnished
with modern repeating rifles.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06

Asugar beet factory, to cost 100000
will be built at Pierre. South Dakota.
The Penn's Grove record., 1891-03-06
Hoods
Sarsaparilla

Sold by all druggists. 81 six for IS. Prepared
only by C. I. HOOD s CO, Lowell, Mass.
100 Doses One Dollar.
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03
InotIn.

1t was a cheap little clock, warranted
to run three years, but it actually did
keep on for six, and then, one morn
Ing, suddenly refused 10 do its duty
longer. II was wound, shaken and
then given up in despair.
Another series of efforts disclosed the
fact that ii would start for a moment
aud then stop.
'ThereP said grandma, in one of lis
active intervals, 81 think it's all right
now"
"oh, no, indeed, said Charlie, 1T
will stop in another minute"
III don't know about that, It's tick.
ing"
Yes, but you can tell by the sound
that something Is the matter. This
isn'ta good, healthy tick, It's only a
sort of hectic. Youths Companion.
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03
rhe narraIn Nra. Not cln,eh.

'ile that will not when he may" is
likely TO repent his lndeelslon for many
long day afterward. A lady who had
spent a weary hour In beating down"
the salesman at Turkish shop in
Paris, returned tho next day prepared
TO purchase, 81 believe YOU said TWEEN
ty francs" she began, taking out her
purse, Ninety, madameln answered
the smiling Turk But you came
down 70 twentyw "Ah that was yes
teriay, madamel Everything goes up
again in the nightm--Youths Compan-
Ion.
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03
TWO CITIES COMPARED.
New England cities Make the best Show.
ing because Of Public Spirit.

New England cities Make the best Show
ing Because OF Public Spirit.
The cities Of Worcester, Mass, anC
Syracuse, N. Y, Illustrate generally tn,
differences between New England ant
Middle states city governments. In 1885,
the two cities we're nearly equal in pop
ulation They are both manufacturing
cities, situated in the interior, and sur
rounded by agricultural communities
In 1880 Syracuse had % miles of streets,
II "a miles Of which were paved. The
annual cost Of maintaining these high
ways was about S35, 900. For the same
cost Worcester maintained 1917 miles OF
streets, all of which we're paved.
The water works Of Syracuse were
owned by a private corporation, those
Of Worcester by the city. Syracuse had
no parks, unless a small square or two
may be thus digni6ed; Worcester had
about thirty-fve acres Of parks. The
drainage system OF Worcester was much
more elaborate and perfect than that Of
Syracuse. While it cost Syracuse from
so, 900 to $4,000 year to clean its
ninety-two miles of streets, it cost
Worcester only 50, 800 to clean it's 1877
miles Of streets.
The police force of Worcester was
larger and more expensive than that OF
Syracuse. On an expenditure of S104,
500 the New York city maintained
eighteen schools, in which were taught
about 1000 pupils; the Massachusetts,
city maintained thirty-six schools and
instructed 1900 children for S139, 722
The fire department of the one consist
ed Of four steam engines one fire extin-
guisher, one hook and ladder truck and
five hose carriages; that of the other
had FIVE steam engines, twelve hose car
riages, one extinguisher and three hook
and ladder trucks. The annual cost OF
the first was S31, ,5s9 Of the second
@39, $40.
A similar story might be told of al
most any two cities taken indiscrimi-
nately from New England and from
any other section of the country.
The abode Of the vigilant citizen
in the United States is in that
part OF the country where the town
meeting breeds a fine public spirit.
Boston, with all its drawbacks and lin
itations, is governed with a higher re-
gard and more Jealous care for the
rights of private citizens than is any
other city Of its size in the Union
Henry L. Nelson in Harpers.
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03

From letter by Mrs. Ada r. HurI
OF Groton, y. d., "was taken with a
bad cold, which settlen on my
lungs, cough set in and four doctors
gave me up. / gave myself up, de-
termined | could not stay. MV nus
hand was advised to get Kings New
Discovery for CONSUMPTION, coughs
aud colds. Took eight b0ttl,s, A has
cured me aud I am nlw wel and
hearty. Trial bottles free at Fry's
drugslore.
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03
Proposals for Wood.
ENOCH NAY.
q. W. HENLINE Il

Sealed bids VIII be received at the Office
9l @ @Ihe sehool Clerk, No, 1877 Commercial st.
salem, Oregon, until Tuesday. JuIv Z iSgj
a. p. m. fer the delivery of wood for said
district as follows:
F9r East salem, 40 cords of oak, anu III
cords of body FIR. 49,
For North Salem, 10 cords ofoak and 4
cords OF body fir. NN ~
cords ofbody fir. '" ~
10 cords of body FIR.
For Fark school, in New Park, l5 cords
OF oak, and y cords of body fir.
Ihe wood must be large grub or hod,
ohE, ohi, anu az wood four feet long, reason
reserves the right TO reject any oralI bids
Done by order + the board. '''
,,,o.,- WIB. SIMPSON.
oregon, - -''''i \ Az ~ "a Np''
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03

The Secret of Keeping Ones Temper.
A merchant in Alexandria had a dis
pute with n fellah, as a peasant is called
about the settlement of an account
The merchant was determined to bring
the question to the court, to which the
fellah objected. Desiring to make a
last effort, the fellah called at the Iner-
chants office one morning and asked
the servant If his master was in. The
merchant, hearing the inquiry and
knowing who it was, called aloud from
the ofllce
Tell that rascal that am not in"
The fellah, looking up toward him,
calmly said:
"Well, sahib, God put thee in bet
ter mind"
The merchant was struck with the
meekness Of this reply, and having
looked more carefully into the matter
he became convinced that the fellah
was right and he in the wrong. He
sent for the fellah, and after acknowl-
edging his error he said;
II want to ask you one question.
How were you able to bear my abuse
with such patience2'
"Sahib." replied the fellah, 81 viii
tell thee. | was naturally as hot and
violent as thou art, Iknew that to in
iulge this temper was sinful, and
ound that It was imprudent. OBJ
erved that men in a passion often
peak loud, and | thought that If /
ould control my voice / should repress
ny passion. | have therefore made il
rule mover to suffer my voice to rise
bove a certain key, and by carefully
bserving this rule have entirely mas
ared my natural temper. ~. Philadel-
hla Times.
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03
MARKETS BY TELEGRAPH.
PORTLAND.

PORTLAND.
Wheat-Nalley, 81 65 per contal.
Flour-standard, S525
Walia Walla 500;
Oats-White ole TO 5Gc per bushel.
Millstufis-BNn s22a2S; shot Is, sl5 TO 26
ground barley, $50 TO 80; cacp feed. $50
middlings, s25, per ton.
Hay -sl5@l6 per ton.
Butter-0regon fancy dairy, 22}Sc; fancy
creamery Is; good to fair, ,l7a2O; Cali.
fornla choice % to2ic.
Eggs-Oregon 92tSo per doz.
Poultry-Old chickens, 1850
Potatoes--0O at zoe per GENITAL.
Cheose-Oregon, ~ to l21So; California
l2c.
Sugars-Golden Q, lssc; extra q, az; dry
gNuulaied, 57s cube, crushed ana Pow.
dered, 6Ac per pound.
Beans-small white, S4cai; pink 80
bayos, ii4c; butter, 40; llmas, Sc.
Dried Fruits--The market is firm. Quo
ted Italian prunes, IL to lac; Petite and
German, lOc per pound raisins, 81 25 pei
box; plummer dried pears, 10 10 lie; sur
dried and factory plums, II to l2c; evapc
rated peaches, Is to9,c; smyrna figs, 9Oc
California figs, eo per pound,
Ree-tslic per pound.
hides-Dry hides, 81 to Sc; 9Sc less fol
enlls; greenloyer 65 pounds, 10; under g.
pounds, &c; sheep pelts, 80c@sl.26.
SMOKED MEATS AND LARD.
Eastorn hams, Il to 1870; breakfast ha.
con, ID To lSc, sidos, . TO lOc; lard. %.
10 l2ho per pound.
ANiFRANClSCO,
SAN FRANCISCO, July l.-Wheat- tn,
week opened ON aHquieter market. No.
white, sLdo ia Sl.J5 per GENITAL.
Hops -so@soc per pound.
Barey-teed le'6 % 81 10 per contal.
oats-Gmy 81 n TO ! So:black 81 81 tol &
per cental
onions--si to fl
Potatocs--7io to.SO.
MlSCkLANEOUS MARKETS
CHICAGO, July l-Nheat cash use, July
Wiso.
Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-07-03

Syrup"

The majority Of well-read phys
icians now believe that Consump-
ton IS a germ disease. In other
words, instead Of being i'll the con-
stitution itself it is caused by innu-
merable small creatures living i'll the
lungs having no business there and
eating them away as caterpillars do
the leaves Of trees.
A Germ The phlegm that is
cougled up is those
Disease. parts Of the lungs
which have been
gnawed off and destroyed. These
little bacilli, as the germs are called,
are too small to be seen with the
naked eye, but they are very much
alive Just the same, and enter the
body in our food, in the air we
breathe, and through the pores of
the skin. Thence they get into the
blood and finally arrive at the lungs
where they fasten and increase with
frightful rapidity. Then German
Syrup comes in, loosens them, kills
them, expells them, heals the places
they leave, and so nourish and
soothe that, in short time consump-
tives become germ-proof and well. o