Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1891-09-24

bower, / inquired OF him how tue great
tariff campaign was progressing
CYAN Up"
Was his contentious rejOinder. jam
up, and it will sweep the State by any
thing from 226, 600 20 $4,000 majority.
Are You taking an active part In the
campaign?"
can /? Well, by Jupiter, I'm the
man who is furnishing Major Mckinley
with his facts and figures.
.sIncluding those on tin plate?'
"Surel Whenever be wants another
tin plate factory started he notifies me
and
Up SIZE GOES
before You can count three"
"You don't pretend 70 tell me that
you can put up a tin-plate factory and
start it to running In minute.
Certain sure. What is 70 hinder?
Ne and Mckinley together are a blamed
sight smarter'n old Aladdin, who used
20 do things at a rapid gait when he
wanted TO knock out the opposition"
"But what benefit are you farmers
getting out OF the tariff
SITS making them richer'n old Col
conda."
AFFECTS the crops, does it?"
"In course; and every thing else. See
what a fine crop we have this yearP
yes"
"Well, that is
ENTIRELY OWING
to the Mckinley bill. If 10 hadn't been
for that you'd had to gather your corn
with a fne-tOoth come and a pair OF
sheep-shears." -
produced a good season, did tt?"
an course, and It done q good many
other things besides-puShed the chick
ems and young turkeys right along early
in the spring, so as TO make them ready
for market while the prices were away
up"
''HOd did that happen?"
''WeH, you see, IS soon as the cut
worms, grub-worms, graSShOppers and
othe insects woke up last spring they
found that the
lfKINLEY BILL WAS RUNNING THINGS,
and they made up their minds that
there was no use bucking agin il. They
CraWled right up on top OF the ground
and laid themselves along In rows, so
as 70 be handy 20 be eaten. You
ought TO have seen the chickens md
turkeys 90 for them and grow. Why,
they growed more IN a day under the
Mckinley bin than they grOwed in
month under Democratic free trade.
"And the seasons came on alright
under tho Mckinley bill?"
Fright 70 order, and the crops grew
according TO its provisions, and cyclones
and hail storms and other Democratic
devices had no sort of a show"
"But didn't Providence have some
thing TO do with these thingS?"
''IN A WAY, PERHAPs,
But was guided and directed by the Nc
Kinley bin. There never was any real
encouragement for Providence 70 do
much for the American people until the
Mckinley bill was passed"
at would have been a great thing in
tho Garden Of Eden?"
Would it? Now you begin to talk
with some sense like q Republican.
Why, II Mckinley had been there with
his bill Satan would never have entered
the garden. at least, he wouldn't have
been able to carry on business"
possible? How do you make that
Out?"
why, II Major Mckinley had had
anything to do with it he would have
PUT SUCH A TARIFF on BRINsToNE
That Satan couldn't have raised
enough money 20 have imported a
pound OF il, and, being without it, he
would have gone into bankruptcy. I
guess every body can see the bad effects
Of free trade in birthstone in the days
of Adam. He regretted 1t himself as
long as he lived"
"YOu said that you were engaged in
furnishing Major Mckinley with facts
and fgures?'
"Adzactly; he writ me the other day
u get up CAe running gears of his jint
debate with Governor Campbell"
"Haye you fixed them up?"
1--WE just finished
THE STATISTICS on EGGS.
Showing their great increase in pro-
ductiOn under the Mckinley bill"
chow does the comparison show up?"
''if you will turn to page 425 OF the
Report Of the Secretary Of State for
1890, you will find that last year there
were 45,5O2, SOC dozen eggs laid in Ohio,
OF which. although the fact is not noted
in the report, 3,S75,293 dozen were
spoiled. In 1891 there has been laid,
OR WILL BE LAID,
NOleSS than 81, SOP, 131 dozen, of which
but 34A211 dozen will be spoiled"
"These figures seem reasonable
enough, but what causes the tncrease?"
THAT is easily explained. Before
the Mckinley bin was passed hens only
laid three dozen and half OF eggs in q
year. There was no encouragement for
them 70 exert themselves. Now there
Is every irducemeut for them 70 hustle
around and DO better The result is
that THIS year the hens are laying five
dozen eggs apiece"
THAT explains thesincrease, but how
do you account for
THE DECREASE IN SPOILED EGGS
To which you make reference?"
"Belore the Mckinley bill hens were
so depressed by the absence OF protec-
ton that one hen out Of twelve took no
sort OF care Of her eggs, and they
spoiled. AS soon as It was passed they
saw something worth living and laying
eggs for, and now we find that only one
hen out Of every IA Is careless and in
attentive, and that accounts for the de-
crease in spoiled eggs"
'And you are to furnish Major Nc
Kinley the same sort Of statistics on all
other sDbjects?'
"Yoa bet your bottom dollar. You
see the Major
sUsT DoTES on THEM KIND OF FIGURES,
And uses them to great advantage in sill
of his speeches"
"But isn't there some danger Of some
one coming along on the other side and