The critic., 1891-03-25
HOW TO CorRT A WIFE.
~ Is Not the Same Thing rs Courtin
" Maid, as Poihcmus Demonstrates.

" Maid, as Polhcmus Demonstrates.
Efom me Chlcdg0 Tribune.
Polhcmus Diltz set his lips firmly to-
gethcr, buttoned his coat and started for
home.
1T was as much my fault ms hers, he
muttercd "ihat when | went home the
other day with the idea Of counting my
wife didn't seem to succeed. ought to
have known better than to bother her
when she was picking the pin feathers of
an old hen and Bridget was taking an af
ternoon on. won't make abluuder like
that again
About half an hour afterward Mr..
Diltz entered the family mansion. He
found Mrs. Diltz in the sitting-room.
Merely rcmarking that IL was Il chilly
day he threw package carelessly into
the fire that burned brightly in the CRATE.
What is that Polhemus2" inquired
Mrs. Diltz somewhat sharply.
Nothing but my pipe and cigar case,
he replied, with a yawn. 1--WE sworn
OF from smoking
Mrs. Diltz looked pleased, but said
nothing.
at will save me at least 500 a year,
Mary Jane" observed Polhemus, with
another yawn, as he walked aimlessly
about the ROOM with his hands in his
pockets, 'and the habits nuisance any
way"
lit certainly is" assented Mrs. Diltz
I'm glad you've OUTFIT you'll only
stay quit"
Mr. Diltz continued his aimless walk
about the room. Presently he brought
up in front of small closet that he had
been in the habit of hanging his smok-
ing cap and smoking jacket in. He
opened II, took those garments out and
Inspected them.
while | am about il, t,,,,eitSsaid, "Tll
make q clean job Of il. I'll hang these
things IN the woodshed and the next
tramp that comes along can have them
You can use this closet for anything you
Z like. Seems to me- continued Mr.. Diltz
resuning his nonchalant walk about the
room, and extending his stroll into the
room adjoining 1--WE don't have more
than about half enough closets in this
house. If were building house for hui
man beings to live in I'd put in fifty of
EN-. Now, here's place under this stair
closet made. l suppose you'd object to 1t
though"
mo, wouldn't. responded Mrs. Diltz
warmly. ut would just suit me, Polhe.
mus"
"Well, I'll have it done" And Polhe-
mps kept on yawning and strolling
Ieisurely through the rooms.
IntlC ult ndll uOLtl OtltT DluCcS,
~ >>ventured his wife, somewhat timidly,
where I should like to have closets built
or shelves put up, while you're about it,"
"All right. You can have all you
want"
Airs. Diltz went behind door and
liugged herself. Mr.. Diltz continued to
walk about unconcernedly.
''What-what will you like for dinner
this evening, PolhemusP"
Anything. Mary Jane-anything |
don't know but I'd like some hot biscuits,
only
"Only what?n
Bridget doesn't know how to make
good biscuit"
"Wby, Polhemusl DO you like my bis.
cults better than Bridgct's?'
II never eat anybody's biscuits but
yours if can help it,
"Oh, Polhemusl"
Mrs. Diltz came nearer to her husband
For the first timein eleven years she threw
lier arms about his neck-but nobody has
any business to be intruding here. Pleas,
retire.
1T isn't such laundering hard job
even for q married rhinoceros of clever
years standing, to court his wife, If h,
only knows how to 60 at il right, sale
Mr.. Diltz to himself as he went about tn,
house the same evening at late hou
locking up things for the night.