The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-02-08
First Night in a Theatrical Beard
ing House.
NARROWING EXPERIENCE
Why One Old Boarder Cannot be Expected to
Admire the stage-Th0ugat it
an Asylum.

YOU into the secret. I've been knocking
round in boarding houses so many years |
thought knew every freak that the world
could show. I'd seen poker sharps and
bunco steererS, to say nothing of kittenish
old maids, grass widows and every other
serpent that was shut out of paradise with
Adam and Eve
well, | was told that Mrs. Dolittle, in
West - street, kept nice, quiet house,
irreproachable references given and re-
quired and all the rest of it. L went there
with Bible in my pocket, my certificate
of birth and baptism in my hand, and sew
enteen business testimonials, in a Glad
stone bag. Mrs. d. seemed pleased, and
engaged room. l was stranger, and
she took me in.
1.-The first night spent there l knew no
one in particular, SO vixen | went down to
dinner / tried to size up the company col
! lectively. There seemed to be an unusual
| lot of young people. Four young women
two dark and two fair; three blonde young
men, one very white, one medium, hair
short on top of his head, one red checked,
one looking very pious.
THE PEOPLE.
Just opposite me sat middle aged
young woman with snub nose, who talked
all the time. I'd seen that sort before
Very funny at other folks expense. Dis
appointed in life and devoted to lies. Oh,
yes! | knew what she was like, so just
said, 'Quicksand,' and passed by on the
other side But thought the rest of them
would bear watching. The dinner was the
regulation meal, and when it was over
went up to the fourth floor hall bedroom.
81 sat down and began to read the paper.
Pretty soon a low, grooming noise was
heard, evidently a woman's voice, getting
louder and louder, till it resembled a roar
ing Niagara, oh-o-o-h-A-A-H-Ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, dying away in a demoniac laugh.
1t was startling, but | knew that queer
things happen in boarding houses, so l sat
still In a minute a new voice began, ooh,
young Lochinvar Oh, young Lochinvarl
Oh, young Lochinvarp There's a maniac in
this house, thought. l got up, examined
the lock and sat down again reassured.
Then came the sound of blows-awful
blows-not one or two, but innumerable,
and after each one strange shaking of the
house, as if body had been flung violently
: to the floor There's murder here, surep
said |, and rushed into the hall Another
voice, masculine this time, trombone quail
ity: I dare do all that may become man.
Who dares do more is noner
"I say Duke, which one you going
home with tonight Which one? All
5 three oh, you'll Oh, you are masherl
How'll you manage it? Take Carrie
home after first act from the Star; rush up
to Days and get Minnie end of second act;
go on to K. g. BIS and bring Bessie out at
: 12p oh, you old sinnerl Oh, you wicked
old wretchr accompanied with shrieks OF
, -,
bass voices.
WHAT IT MEANT.
! "Once more those terrific blows, but this
4 time there was something queer about
them. 1t sounded as if some one were
jumping off a step ladder. A dismayed
feminine voice exclaimed: "Oh, Jenny, I've
: kicked my second slipper into the street
n and the first one over the folding bed
e Whatll l do?'
q "'I don't know; don't bother me. CAM
d you see Pm trying to get my lines? II
), speak to him like a saucy lackey-m-n
M Ladies, any one at home tonight?
q !! oh, yes; come in, Hamlet; come, in, Ham
y old boyl' Deep contralto-'Hamlet, thot
!, hast thy father much offended Tenor
% Mother, you have my father much OF
y Tended
It "'Oh, this is awfulr said l to myself
a why, the house is filed with raving
q crazy lunaticsp Just then the girl cam
- up the stairs with pitchers of icewater.
It "'My good girl gasped, in Heaven
n name, tell me what's the matter What
e it? Who's crazy in this house? What
If the matter with the men?'
le ''The girl grinned. Her name was Maria
and very pretty girl she was. Crazy,
she said, not a bit of it. Why. they're a
going on the stage
r "'All? Who"
- "'Why, those four young ladies and tina
Z fair young man you saw at dinner
II, "'Which one? The one with thin hair
le "'He? Oh, dear no! He's a sweet youn
ut man. He has lots of friends on the stage
G. ladies, you know, and he goes every nigl
"a and takes 'em home after they come OF
Says he has to work pretty hard Can
-, take more than four home in night! Say
he has to work pretty hard to do tina
Never gets round to each one more tina
40 once a week. Oh, we all love himl
or says he never means to 60 on the stage;
er knows it all by heart
EXPLANATIONS.
"'Well, who are the other young men?
"sThat nice fair one is q minister's SO
or He wanted to play Hamlet but they to
n him he'd do better in a variety show. Oh
~ of those fair young ladies is what they ca
d1 an ingenue. | don't know what that
but she wears garden hats and has her ha
down her back most of the time, and Il
a. other one, she's what they call a song al
W dance artist. She can kick six feet high
- than her own head. One of those dal
, young ladies is trying to get into Zig
y opera.
"'She had to move out of three boardil
- houses. She works hard. She sings eve
night till IL o'clock and begins every nor
~ ing at T. That other dark young lady
- they call her Mrs. Siddons, cause b
teacher says she's got tears in her voice.
sounds like sore throat to me. VIII
added Maria, every one in the house is G
-, ing on the stage 'ccpt that red cheek
10 young man-hessa Sunday school teach'
o and his mother won't have it-and tn
-, young woman that sat opposite to you
"sAnd why in the name of Shakespea
l. isn't she going on?"
- "'Well, you see, they say she was DO
- for critic, and a manager wouldn't da
~ ~, to take her in his company because she
- be sure to be shot inside OF twenty-fo
~ hours. Why, Pm studying for the sta
,.o' myself! I go and take a lesson wheneN
.t9 it's my Thursday OUTPUT I've got bro
~ er-hes mean old thing-said if he ey
,l' caught me on any stage, unless it was
al Fifth avenue rapid transit, he'd come
lily aud chase me off with club But I'll !
to there yeti Pm just bound to act like &c
es. Potter and Mrs. Langtry, and it's gre
So deal easier to do than to wash dishes a
10 wait on the door.
~, ~ "'Thank you, Maria, said I, 4 see it
: II now' and went back sadder and Wi
ks, man New York World.