davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

WHAT ARE YoU GLAZING AT ME- FoR?
a cent from his father-in-law. who was
50 saving. it was said. that he used the
wart on the back OF his neck for a col
lar button.
..This-this person is inebriated,'
continued Mr.. Deplaine. ''Send for an
officer quick
'-Oh! OH" calculated Della, timidly.
.Where is Winkie?r
why, / am Wrinkle. Della, don't
you know me?" walled Wrinkle.
why. can it possibly be you?"
whimpered the bride What is the
matter with your face. and what have
you got your hair done up for?''
Wrinkle put his hand to the back of
his head. and for the first time discov-
cred the Greek knot
He seized il fiercely. and shook out
the long hair of which it was composed,
and then tore the wig by force from
his head.
Old Deplaine grew purple in the face.
Drunk, by Jover' he said, and
started himself for policeman.
His departure was the signal for an
uproar. Everybody laughed-nay, they
shouted. and the young men stamped
and whistled.
The shocked clergyman recovered
his senses and escorted the bride and
her maidens into the little sittiny-room
behind the church.
Tom Hawkins, who was Wrinkles
best friend. and who acted as usher,
hustled Wrinkle in after them.
Then there was an explanation.
Il understand it all" sobbed Della,
when Wrinkle had stopped talking
But papa is so angry that he will
never let US be married now
Lets he married right here. before
ne gets back. sugg ested Wrinkle.
They acted upon the suggestion. and
when Mr.. Deplaine came into the front
door with the officer. the bridal party
stepped out of the side door into the
carriages, and away upon their we'd
ding trip.
Mr.. De plaine was obliged to subside
but il will be a long time before
Wrinkles wedding will be forgotten
sara Il. Rose. in Arkansaw Traveller.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
TAKING THINGS EASY.
An InfaIIible Indication of Laziness and
SeIfishness.

SeIfishness.
When a man tells you that he ''al-
ways takes things easy" and never
puts himself out of the way for any
body" put him down in your mental
memorandum book as case of chronic
laziness and selfishness. Such easy-go.
ing individuals never win either for
tune or fame. They may call their in
difference independence; but, if so,
they make miserable mistake.
Real independence is the offspring
of well-directed energy, and the
philosophy of Incidence" is nothing
better than mean and contemplate
sophistry. God Himself has vetoed in
dolence: Whatever thy hand findeth to
do, do it with thy might" is the vigor-
Gus language of Inspiration; and David
Crockett's Re sure you are right, then
go ahead, . is simply the Divine com
mand translated into rough Anglo
Saxon.
Latent talent is of no more use than
latent heat. Both must be developed
and applied in order TO oe of any prac-
teal value. Norman can even be true
Christian without energy; and If we
were required to put the whole duty of
man into the shortest possible form
words we would say to him: Work and
pray."-N. Y. Ledger.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
winlsie then looked into the glass

Wrinkle then looked into the glass
and nearly tainted
A veritable comic valentine stood be-
fore him.
His nose was larger than all the rest
of his head. with the real old bruiser
tinge to it
His head was as white and shining
as that of white marble statue.
- can't leave this room in ten days"
he muttered.
But few seconds reflection showed
him that he must not desert Della a
the very altar.
he hustled into his outer coat and
pulled his hat, thief fashion. low down
over his eyes, ran downstairs, gave
a few directions TO the driver, and
started.
He intended to stop at a celebrated
hair dresser's and purchase wig.
He 1ound his man eager for a Gus
toner
Il want you 10 fit black. curly wig
upon my head at once" cried Wrinkle.
throwing shame TO the winds. II am
Winklereid Wendall-this is my we'd
ding day. am ten minutes behind
time now"
Not the bridegroom of the St. Johns
church wedding?"
Yes Hurry up. l entreat you"
What price do you wish to pay?"
Il don't care a picayune, only get it
here sometime"
The hairdresser stepped to a side
door, gave a few directions TO some
one, and then returned and requested
Wrinkle To be seated, while he covered
his wedding garments with a large,
whit elinen sheet.
He then went INTO the other room
and young lady came out with half
dozen wigs in boxes.
She bit her lips at sight of Wrinkles
nose. and almost laughed when he said
irritably:
Il want one with long hair, so that
the edges of it cannot be seen SO
plainly"
Very well" she returned, and be-
gan 10 fit an elegant ladies' couture,
with black curly bangs in front and a
long Greek knot behind, upon Wrinkles
head.
There. you look lovely in that" she
said The price is one hundred dol
lars
''Umphr' calculated Wrinkle. tearing
the sheet from about him and laying a
one hundred note on the counter.
He then clapped on his hat and
started
stop! Stop" cried the young lady,
shrilly.
-Trt-. -. r A. .o. .-l..1
upon the pavement was all the reply
which she received
"Merciful goodness exclaimed the
girl, almost fainting from consterna-
ton. That was a man, and | thought
it was a woman who had been fighting
with her husband"
Wrinkle proceeded swiftly to the
church which was crowded.
why. Wendalli'' exclaimed one of
the ushers who met him at the door.
What are you glaring at me for?
There are no flies on me-" exclaimed
Wrinkle, throwing off his hat aud over
coat, and starting at once for the altar
where the clergyman was waiting.
To say that this spirited entrance
e. Gated a sensation is not putting it too
= rOngly.
When he turned towards the bride.
who, leaning upon her fathers arm,
and surrounded by six beautiful girls.
was coming up the aisle, every pair of
eyes in the audience was turned to-
wards him, and every mouth which was
not stuffed with a handkerchief was
audibly smiling.
Mr.. Deplaine stopped within few
feet of the bridegroom and stared.
THAT is not the man, he calculated
What's that you say?" crisply re-
torted Winkie. Don't be fool"
Pardon him, he had been greatly
tried and then. too, he did not expect
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
M Letting Go.

There was such a crowd OF onlookers
70 oversee the cable-car excavating in
Broadway, near Fulton street, the other
day. that a policeman seized young
man by the arm ard said:
.'Here; you go about your busiuessr
sMy bizness. MY biznessr' exclaimed
the man. Il guess you don't know
me-
"Are you one of the workmen?"
mo, sir; but I've been hanging around
here every day for the last four weeks
70 see how this thing was done. and !
don't propose to let go now if know
nyself.'-M. Quad, in n. Y. World
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
The New yersIor.

New York Editor-See here Don't
you know executions by electricity are
the law now?
New Man-Certainly.
Then, sir. what do you mean by
using this old-time. chestnutty, moldy
quotation. Give rogue rope enough
and he will hang himself What do
you mean. sir We are not living in
the middle ages"
What substitute would you sug-
gest ?"
SAY. let rogue go on shocking so
ciety. and he viii get shocked himself. ="
Good News
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
PiTH AND POINT.

--"What course did you take In coll
leEe?" ''Oh, the regular three-mile
course. "-Detroit Free Press.
-Cleverton-ssWas Miss Grigrson
bored by my talk last night7" Dash
away couldn't get her to say
Truth
college education? Pshaw! What
good did it ever do young Cutter?"
Lots of good! Why, every ball team in
the country is after himr'-Boston
News.
If you want to see the difference
between a man and woman let them
marry. and after time there may be
new difference every day.-Boston
Transcript.
--"Humor is the most powerful force
in the world remarked Cumso. ''How
do you make that out?" asked Fangle.
ut oyercomes the law of gravity" -
Harper's Bazaar.
book-keeper of your firm is behind in
his accounts; is that SOP" Mr.. Tasker
Far from it. he came out ahead. It's
the company that's behind. Saturday
Evening Herald.
Ills Chief Attraction. Harry
"Why did you shave off your mus
tache?" WILT found my best girl
was getting too expensive, and have
taken this method of having her give
me the shake. brooklyn Eagle.
Boy (who has lost his way)-"I say,
mister, how far is it to Camptown
Creek?'' Man (surlily)-"Find out. l
am no city directory!'' Boy with acute
emphasis)-"No, you amt; you're a
volume on good manners, you are!"
Gaining Strength. Customer
"What kind of fish is this?" Waiter
"Weakfish, sir; same as You had last
Friday, sir" ''Well, it may have been
weak fish last Friday, but it is decided
ly strong fish now."-Yonl1ers States
man.
"A man imagines that he has lots of
fun in telling how difficult it is for even
a woman to find her way into her own
pocket, but all the varnish comes off the
laugh when he begins to remember how
easily she gets into his pockets. -Phila-
delphia Times.
Look here" said the wrathful
young lawyer; 81 thought you swore to
give verdict in accordance with the
facts?" wal" answered the juryman,
thoughtfully pulling his beard Hthe
facts didn't turn out as / expected 'em
to. "-Indianapolis journal.
After all in view of the fact that
pretty nearly half of the matter printed
in the New York dailies relates to-
sporting, ! am not so sure but college
education is the very thing young
man needs to fit him for metropolitan
journalism. Free Press.
Promised His Mother He Wouldn't
al never use tobacco. mol
eve never touched 1t yetp
And then he took a match and lit
His nasty cigarette.
Chicago Tribune.
Sarcastic in the Extreme Emma
What do you suppose Aunty Quate
would do if robber were to demand
her engagement ring or her life Julia
--'"There'd be little difference which
he took. If she lost either she d never
get another. jewelers. Weekly.
A Woodworking woman was asked:
Madame, are you a woman su ffragist?"
mo, sir" was the answer, Il haven t
time to be- Haven't time? Well, if
you had the privilege of voting, whom
would you support" THE same man
/ have supported for the past ten years"
And who is that?" my husband. -
81,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

According To the figures collected by
Bradstreet there are 1,O63, 900 persons
engaged in trade in this country OF
these 902, 600 have less than S., 900 cap
ital. 1t is in this class that over 90 per
cent. of the failures occur. They
haven't the means to compete against
large capital, and few of them have
the capacity to manage it if they had
it. Any man can prove his capacity
with $1,000 or less and if he shows
marked ability. or even cleverness, op-
portunities VIII be offered him to try
his hand at something better. Success
is due to the man rather than to the
means at his command.-Chicago Jour
nal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
4 Naval nlsnIax.

They We're Three merry, merry
boys" and one holiday morning they
hired a catboat. and laid in the es-
sentials Of breezy time, and started
up the North river.
But a light head-wind and a strong
ebb-tide made progress difficult
On the long tack, the little craft
would 60 dancing mp the river, passing
under the stern of one of the White
Squadron" which lay at anchor; ana
after coming about. would make a
short tack across the bows from which
protruded the big black guns, and be
carried. by the set of the tide, far down
the river again.
After this performance had been re-
peated a number of times, Jack, who
had been lying on piece of old sail
down in the cockpit. noticed the famil-
lar white sides of the huge iron-clad
looming above him. and exclaimed:
Thunder, Say, boys. who says we
haven't any navy? We've passed over
thirty of those new men of war, this
morning.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
Heard in Boston,

Mrs. De Hubb-You say you paid only
fifty cents for those shirts You
shouldn't have purchased them. You
should not encourage those mauufac-
turers-
Mr.. De Hubb-Why not?
Mrs. De Hubb-You must know by
the price that they are the product of
the perspiring system. N. Y. Weekly.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
One of the London street car con

One of the London street car COM
panies has in use an automatic start
err" Two powerful spiral springs. fas-
tened TO the front axle. are wound up
through being applied for the cars
stoppage. so that when il is desired to
go ON again they are capable of start
ing it. The device effects tremendous
saving and mercy to horses
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

A aconaa7e " rat,a-dOac7a,"
overworked, weak, nervous and de-
bilitated that's a woman that DIR.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription is
made for. 1t gives her health and
strength. All woman's weaknesses
and all woman's ailments are cured
by it. It's legitimate medicine
not beverage an invigorating, re-
storative tonic and a soothing and
strengthening nervine, free from al
cohol and injurious drugs. 1t i'm
parts tone and vigor to the whole
system.
For all functional irregularities,
periodical pains, organic displace-
ments and uterine diseases, it's a
positive remedy.
And guaranteed one. If it
doesn't give satisfaction, in every
case, the money paid for it is re-
funded. No other medicine for
women is sold on these terms.
That's because nothing else is
"iust as good" Perhaps the
dealer will offer something that's
"better." He means that it's bet
ter for him.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
Its wakefuiness Explained.

Cumso-An anti-kidnaping league
has been formed.
Mrs. Cumso-Then that accounts for
it. My baby is among the membership.
thought it was merely insomnia. but
/ see now what it is--Jury.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
Used Up.

A Detroit youth of six years, who has
Just begun going to school, was so i'm
pressed with the Importance of it that
he was early out of bed and down
promptly to the breakfast for two
mornings. The third morning he came
little late looking very sleepy.
''How's this?" said his father, pre-
tending to rsprove him.
well, by JIMMY said the young
ster, this hard work at school is using
me up "-Detroit Free Press
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
HnM dnas ha faal

How does he feel?-He feels no
desire to go to the table and a
grumbling, fault-hnding, over-nice-
ty about what is set before him when
he is there-August Flower the
RamadV.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

carriage responded with hoarse laugh.
Winkie gained the hall. triple olted
the door and climbed the stairs, leay-
Ing trail If blood behind him.
Ten valuable minutes were spent in
bathing his injured proboscis, ten more
In changing his stained linen. and re-
Aalusllng las ~eessa4uss garments
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

All are entitled to the best that their
money will buy, so every family should
have, at once, bottle OF the best family
remedy, Syrup of Figs, to cleanse the system
when costive or bilious. For sale in soc
and 81 90 bottles by all leading druggists.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
How does he feel 2-He fe

after spell of this abnormal appe-
tite an utter adherence, loathing,
and detestation of food as if a
mouthful would kill hin-August
Flower the Remedy.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
Beware S fs d i@ita''
g august
Flower

How does he feel Pie feels
cranky, and is constantly exper-
menting, dieting himself, adopting
strange notions, and changing the
cooking, the dishes, the hours, and
manner of his eating-August
Flower the Remedy.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
FAMILY objection. respected.

Old Friend-Why didn't you marry
Mr. Nicefello?
Sweet Girl-His father objected.
Old Friend-I shouldn't have cared
for that.
Sweet Girl-Y-e-s, but he said he
would cut him off with a shilling =
Good News
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

How does he feel?-He feels at
times a gnawing, voracious, insati-
able appetite, wholly unaccountable,
unnatural and unhealthy.-August
Flower the Remedy.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
Entitled IN the Rest.

FIRST Scribber-"How's fellow to keep
cool this dreadfully hot weatheri" Second
Ccribbler-'Writen nothing but cold facts. I"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

Then never refuse modicum to the dys
peptic unless it be the obstinate individual
who refuses or neglects TO avail himself Of
the great recuperant of digestion and assim-
ilation, Hostetter's Stomach Ritters. which
not only knocks dyspepsia into cooked hat,
hut soon gives malaria constipation, rheu-
matism and kidney trouble Waterloo de
Fanf
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

- never knew Cumcash to have
but one falling" said friend of
his 70 a business man Yes" re-
piled the business man, that's about
all; but | understand he made a good
deal Of money out OF that. Washing
ton star.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

KEEP the pores open is essential to health.
Glenn's Sulphur Soap does this.
Hills Hair and Whisker Dye, 80 cents.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

1T is no breach OF logic 70 conclude that
the man with the rum blossom is a bloom
ing chump. ashington Star.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

How does he feel2-He has ir-
regular bowels and peculiar stools
August Flower the Remedy. o
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

You hardly realize that it is medicine,
when taking Carter's Little Liver Pills they
are very small; no bad effects; all troubles
from torpid liver are relieved by their use.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

Sarcastic yell after dude in load
plaid trousers: say. ges them chic
reformed quick. or dey'n ring out de
patroIg'-PhiIadelphia Record
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

MANS love for his sweetheart is often
nearly two-thirds jealousy of some other
fellow -Milwaukee journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
Harvest Eycurslons-Reduced Rates to the
south. Southea At. West and Northwest.

WHEN making a speech, my son, follow
the example OF the best needle manufacture
ers and sink the Boston Transcript.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

September 18Th and 29th, the Chicago q
Eastern Illinois Railroad, will sell Round
Trip Harvest Excursion Tickets, to points
in the South, Southeast. West and North
west, at greatly reduced rates. For partic-
ulars inquire OF Ticket Agent.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03
Have you sympathy Cor One wretched

THE reason why a fly Is generally mon
arch absolute of a bald head is because there
Is no heir apparent Philadelphia Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

THE EDITORS waste basket is proof that
he is always prepared for the wOrst-Bos-
frnr,E
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

The Only One Ever Printed. Can You Find
the Word?
Each week. a different inch display is
published in this paper There are no two
words alike in either ad., except One word
This word will be found in the adj for DIR.
Harter's Iron Tonic, Little Liver Pills and
Wild Cherry Bttters Look for Crescent
trade mark Read the ad carefully and
when you find the word, send it to them and
they will return you book, beautiful litho-
graphs and sample free.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

IT is no longer necessary to take blue pills
to rouse the liver TO action Carriers Little
LiverPills are much better. Don tforget this
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-09-03

MANY reputcd wag turns out TO be mere
ly a scalawag Boston Courier.
BRONCHITIS is cured by frequent small
doses of Piso's Cure for Consumption.
Telegram-herald., 1891-11-15
THE INTRUSIVE TURK.
He IL Always Ready to Thrust Hixasel
Upon Others.

no - AlW9yS Ready to Thrust Hixo1eu
Upon Others.
The Turkey" of di plomatists and map.
makers means, not the land of the
Turk, but those iands-Greel1, Bulgn-
rian, Scrvian and Albanian-in which
their enemy the Turk is still encamped
On no spot Of Europe, says q writer in
tho Forum, on no spot Of tho coast OF
Asia, is the Turk really at home. He
Is everywhere a foreign intruder. q
burglar who has thrust himself into
the houses Of other men. While other
conquests have in time changed into
lawful possessions, either by the con.
querors assimilating the conquered, or
the conquered assirnilating the conquer
ors, the Turk remains as much q
stranger in Europe as he was when hs
first came in, moro than five hundred
years back. And so it must ever be as
long as the Turk remains Turk; for
no Mahometan rule can, without cast
ing aside the prccepts of his own laws,
become what a ruler is bound to bo
towards the subjects of other reli-
gions- It is his frst duty as Mahom-
the Christian in Europe, the Trevor
shipper in Persia, the Hindoo in India
in bondage to the men OF the dominant
faith He therefore cannot reform;
promises Of reform made by tho Turk
arc IL their own nature worthless.
They are nowhere carried out, unless
when the Turk is afraid TO break them
uod>~ xl~ ava - mora r,a.verfrl Euro-
peans.
To talk of . Turkish government"
Il therefore . mere diplomatic con-
ventionality. There Is no Turkish
government" The object of q govern
meut" is the protection Of its subjects;
and that the Turk does not give. Tho
so-called Turkish government" Is an
organized system of brigandagc with .
chief brigand called sultan at its
Telegram-herald., 1891-11-15

The recent threatened ministerial cri-
sis in Canada might. had it gone further,
brought . dissolution Of parliament
and the general elections. With the
old chief.an--Sir John A. Macdonald
gone, and the prestige won in the cleo
tons Of Narcn last, it il quite probable
,hs liberal or grit party would have
Won. In such an event, political union
With the United states would become .
1--we issue, for IL 10 an undenisble fact
that there exists in Canada . stroug un-
dercurrent OF annexation sentiment aud
sslll less unjenisbls. that the trend OF
oplui0n among the advanced thinkers
of Canada. - that annexation is almost
Inevitable. Thin opinion comes to Us in
ylfious guisss. The exponents of lib
ersiism cloths 10 with commercial
enion. Sir Edward Blake. IN his eels
tFsted Iettsrof March san last. in sllud-
M % ,Ais subject says ia y The in
sSitaole, though neither the true nor
toe IDEAL destiny" eeiawsa smith.
Erss,es wirsn ard Edward Fsrrsr.
editor IN ehief OF ths Toronto Glsbe---
opeuiy sslsocsse this extrems msssnre;
walse others, scarcely Zee well sae~n.
II not opsuiy IN fsvsr % annsrssion
more than secretly snssrfsiu ths 'dss.
TIE recent eensus Of Canada. snsslns
a. iacsrass IA populsison Of tsofs tnsn
. quarter e a ntsBos. tsss tasn shat
sfs nstursl nsrrsse sisouH hsvs s~ss---
steugn ntll.ens -sFs sgsnt 70 iasne~
insias sfsslan pfs-rds kstlsr 4 <>pvs'ne
nsTus - fas saerr slsrs satoest~s ~
Egt.i1 sapfenssev. ssd ssis<ss ssssf
ssts - tAs inesitskis they ~ss . sssl
ssfa 90 ssseerss,sss s,eltsls SO ~ sss = .
a4ssksa sa ss~s5 and a. eesssssna %