Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-03-22

NS
WhaGye Think the Critter Weighedf
done you an injustice. Mother he
called to Mrs. Hopkins, who appeared in
the front hall at this moment-"here's Mr..
Jones come over to see us and explain why
he amt been more neighborly. Seems that
he thought we'd be busy. havin' jest moved
in, so he didn't want to trouble u.s."
''No trouble at all, Mr.. Jones, I'm sure"
said Mrs. Hopkins. wiping her right hand
on her apron as she advanced. "We'd
a-been glad to see you or Mrs. Jones any
| day. Tell her to come over and bring her
sewin' work whenever she feels like II"
MT. Roche-Jones Couldn't Come at 1t.
1t was an unusual situation for Mr..
Roche-Jones, but he endeavored to do his
duty by those whom he represented. He
| tried dozen times to introduce the subject
of paint or to hint at the practices by which
| Hopkins had previously made himself OBJ
noxious, but on every occasion he was inter-
rupted by EXPLANATIONS of sordiality. which
were evidently inspired by the notion that
he was apoogizing for the GOODNESS which
had been shown the Hopkins family. He
had strong suspicion that the Van Alpines
and others were watching him from their
windows; he was afraid Mrs. Hopkins would
shake hands with him by main force; he
saw one of the Misses Hopkins open the
parlor window and sit down with her sister
to play piano duet, which was too evidently
executed in his honor. He blushed for the
first time in some years, stammered few ex-
euses and fled.
"Mother." said Farmer Hopkins, 81
knew that if we showed our bringln' up by
behavin' right to these folks, we could win
'em round. I'm sorry forgot to tell neigh
Dor Jones that expect to have enough O.
this red paint lett over to touch up his
house little, if SO be as he should feel the
need of change"
He Invested in Cow.
Hopkins finished his house e-painting with
out further interruption. He fingered over
it, knowing how badly be would feel when
it was done, and he was forced to be idle
again. The work gave him opportunities
for reflection, and he got an idea which
promised little steady occupation. He re-
solved to Keep a COW. He could raise
almost enough hay on the lawn to feed her,
and no doubt his neighpors would be glad to
take little of the milk.
Mrs. Hopkins approved, and the COW was
purchased. If the unusual hue of the
Hopkins residence had not already made it
the most conspicuous on the avenue, the
slgnG OF Ine COW lOdIuluS aullu tue Iall grass
on the lawn, would have been sufficient.
Hopkins was famous.
But the milk didn't sell well. Hopkins,
making the circuit in the early morning,
with his ten-quart pail met frequent re-
bufs which he endured calmly, as a neces-
sary part of every business undertaking.
Yet he didn't think his neighbors were help
ing him as they should. But the cow didn't
occupy all his time, that was the chief diff
IL IL IL
could with her, and loaded her with so many
superfiuous attentions that she doubtless led
very hard life. And yet he was not
happy.
Soft Soap in the Back Yard.
Odd jobs helped him out a little. He
telped his wife to make soft soap in the
"back yard" one balmy day in June-that
is, the day was balmy before they began.
The delightful odors developed by this
process foated into Mrs. Roche-Jones' par
ior, aud led that lady to instigate proceed
ings against Mr.. Hopkins as nuisance.
Whereupon Mrs Hopkins said that Mrs.
Jones was designing woman, who ought to
read her Bible, and find out what happened
to people who stirred up strife among
brethren.
But Mr.. Hopkins rather enjoyed the e1-
citement of legal proceedings, especially as
Roche-J ones on the street, and assured him
that he had not ''laid anything up agin'
him."
This welcome activity was soon over, and
the necessity of work began to torture
Hopkins again. At last he decided to lay
in his stock of frewood for the winter, so
he chopped down all the valuable shade
trees in his lot, sawed and split them, and
constructed magnificent wood pile in a
Il &c 1our
Straw That Broke the CampbeIrs Back.
When this was done he lavished renewed
attentions upon his COW. He did everything
for this mild-eyed beast which his ingenuity
could devise, and at last when he could
think of nothing else, he butchered her in
the back yard. This led to call from Mr..
Van Alpine.
''Mr. Hopkins" said he, "I want to speak
of that unusual spectacle on you premises
this morning."
eyes" said Hopkins, calmly; "how much
do you think the critter weighed?"
81 have no desire to know, but
''Sho; was in hopes 1. could sell you a
quarter. Down our way when man kills
a critter his neighbors most always take
some of it off'n his hands,"
Mr.. Van Alpine lost his temper. He threat
ened legal proceedings, and when the failed
to terrify Hopkins. he limited at illegal pro-
ceedings by a vigilance committee.
"Mother," said Mr.. Hopkins, in report |
ing this interview to his wife. II don't think |
we can live among such heathens any longer. |
Soon's collect our milk bills and salt down |
that beef 1 believe we'll pull up stakes"
The milk bills met with an almost unani- |
mout reputation. Mr.. Van Alpine said |
he'd take the case to the Supreme Court be- |
fore he'd pay the 96 cents which Hopkins |
claimed. Two of his late customers got |
ruined on Wall street and another moved |
away without leaving his address.
"I've tried to be good neign bor." said
Hopk ms, addressing the family circle on
the last day be ore their departure; "but
it want no use This is my last experiment
with high-toned community"
HOWARD FIELDING.