The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1891-08-06
PUNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

- - vss4 81 4-.i =
Sunshine is better than medicine.
And you don't have to pay $3.50 for
five cents worth Of it, either. - Rich.
mond Recorder. - = :. ~
When lightning tries to be funny it
is very liable to make even the strong
est oaks split their sides. - Baltimore
American.
Most Remarkable.-'Wh did you
say was the most remarkable thing
about my last poem?'' THAT it was &C.
cepted. "-Yankee Blade.
-1rate parent-"Young man, what
did you mean by taking my daughters
hand just now?" Ratified swain-'You
are mistaken, sir. Search me."-Prince-
ton Tiger.
So many people are like the fire.
cracker; they can only make big
splurge and noise in the world at the
expense of being hopelessly busted. -
Atchison Globe.
III there is any luck in horseshoes a
good many people are of the opinion
than it is not when they are fastened to
the feet of the horses they bet on
Philadelphia Times.
job once said the ostrich was the
most foolish of all animals. The man
who takes pug dog out for its morn
ing walk was not allowed to exist III
Jobs time.-N. Y. Recorder.
-Pupson-"Have you heard of the
terrible scandal in Boston," Cubleign
NO. What is it?" Pupson-''cneo of
the ladies of the literary set mispro-
nounced a word. Topics.
The Silver Lining.-Miss SIT is
dreadful that all your furniture was
burned up in that fire in your fiat, Mr..
Smith" Mr.. Smith-''Yes, it was pretty
bad; but, then, we got rid of the
roaches."-Truth.
Young Husband-"My dear, bust
ness reverses have caused me to make
an assignment and Young Wife
(tearfully)-"Y-e-s." Young Husband
1--WE will 60 abroad and travel year
or two" Epoch.
-Father-''I wish you would not lace
so tight. 1t is positively inhuman."
Daughter-"Why, l thought you would
be pleased, father. The material for
this dress cost 81 . yard."-Cloak Re-
view.
You have spurned mev' he cried,
bitterly. II will go into the world. I
will fight and win. My name shall be
known and my riches envied-"
''Then," he interrupted, TRY me
again. "-Christian at Work.
Mr.. Selfmade-''I'll have to cut
down your salary about 20 per cent. Mr..
Johnson" Mr.. Johnson-"But why?
Is not my work just as we'll done as
ever?' ''Ye-es, l guess so; but I've
just found out that you are one of these
college Observation-Disclosures Jour-
nal.
A Rapid Recovery. - Wonderful
'ure in the case of Smalledge." "What
was it?'' 'Why, you see his legs were
paralyzed, he hadn't walkeda step in five
years, and out of sympathy they made
him cashier of the Lone Star bank"
"Well?" 'Well, in exactly two weeks
he skipped. ''-Elmira Gazette.
-Reassured.-I hear that Mr.. Stacy
spoke rather slightingly of me the other
evening"" You're very much mis-
taken. Mr.. Stacy never says anything
against a person Ionce heard him say
that if he couldn't speak in ones favor,
he'd keep silent No: your name wasn't
mentioned.-N. Y. Sun.
Gus Was in No Danger.-''I say
said Gus de Jay, as he laid the paper
across his knees, this article says that
flood of intelligence is going to sweep
the country" "Well, deah boy, don't
let it worry you," replied Willie Wish
ington. You're not likely to be any
flood sufferer, you know. "-Washington
Post