The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-03-06
AMONG THE SPIRITS,

long hared fellers has settled here and
gone into the Sperret biznis exclusively
A atemt was made to git Mrs. A. Ward
to embark into the Sperret biznis but
the atemt failed. of the long hared
fellers told her she was ethereal creeter
d wood make sweet mejium, WHARF,
upon she attact him with mop handle
and drove him out of the house | will
hear obsarve that Mrs. Ward is a inval-
cradle womun-the partner Of my goys
g. the shairer of my sorrers. In my alb
sunse she watchis my interests & things
with Eagle Eye Sc when return she
welcums me in afectionate stile. Trooly
it is with us as it was with Mr.. & Mrs.
INGoMER in the Play, to whit
. soles with but single thawt
. harts which beet as 1.
My naburs injooced me to attend
Sperretooul Sircle at Squire Smiths.
When | arrove found the east room
chock full includin all the old maids in
the villige Sc the long haired feller a4said.
When ! went in | was salootid with
"here Gums the benited man"-''hear
Gums the skoffer at trooth," etsettery.
etsettery.
Sez |, my frens, it's troo I'm hear, &
now bring on your Sperrets."
of the long hared fellers riz up and
sed he would state a few remarks. He
sed man was critter of intelleck & was
movin on to Cole. Sum men had big
ger intellecks than other men had and
they wood git to the Cole the soonerest.
Sum men were beests & wood never git
into the Cole at all He sed the Erth
was material but man was immaterial,
and hens was different from the Erth
The Erth, contlnnered the speaker, re-
solves round on its own axeltree once
in 81 hours, but rs man haint gut no
axeltree he can't resolve. He sed the
ethereal essunce of the koordinate
branchis of superhuman natur becum
mettymorfussed as man progrest in har-
monial coexistunce & eventooally anty
humanized themselves & turned into
reglar sperretuellers. This was versif-
ferusly applauded by the cumpany, and
as make it pint to get along as pleas
ant as possible, sung out, ''bully for
you, old boy."]
The cumpany then drew round the
table and the Sircle kommenst to go it
They axed Inc if there was anybody in
the Sperret land which | wood like to
convarse with. l sed if Bill Tompkins,
who was onct my partner in the show
biznis, was sober, should like to con-
varse with him few periods.
"Is the Sperret OF William Tompl,ins
present. sed of the long hared chaps.
and there was three knox on the table.
Sez |, William, how goes it. Old
Sweetness?'
Pretty ruff, old hoss." he replide.
Air you in the show bizniz, William"
sed l.
He sed he waa He sed he g. John
Bunyan was travelin with u side show
in connection with Shakspere, Jonson &
Co.'S Circus. He sed old Bun (meanin
Mr.. Bunyan,) stirred up the animils &
ground the organ while he tended door.
Occasionally Mr.. Bunyan sung q comic
song. The Circus was doin midlin we'll.
Bill Shakspeer had made CRATE hit with
old Bob Ridley, and Ben Jonson was
delitin the peple with his trooly CRATE ak
of hossmanship without saddul or bridal.
Sez l, William, my luvly friend, can
You pay me that 13 dollars you owe me?"
He sed no with one of the most tremen-
jis knox ever experiunsed.
The Sircle sed he had gone. Air you
gone, William axed. "Rayther." he
replde, and l knowd it was no use to
pursoo the subjeck furder.
then called fur my farther.
"How's things, daddy"
"Middlin, my son, middlin."
"Aint You proud of your orfurn
boy?"
'Scacely."
"Why not, my parienty'
"Becawz you hav gone to writin for
the newspapers, my son. Bimeby you'll
lose all your character for trooth and
verrasserty. When helpt you into the
show biznis l told you to dignerfy that
there profeshun. Litteratoor is low"
He also statid that he was doin mid
din well in the peanut bjznis 81 liked it
putty well, tho the climt was rather
warm.
When the Sircle stopt thay axed me
what thawt of it.
Sez l, my frens, I've bin into the
show biznis now goin on 90 years. There's
a artikil in the Constitooshun of the
United States which sez in effeck that
everybody may think just as he darn
pleazes, g. them is my sentiments to a
hare. You dowtlis believe this Sperret
doctrin while / think it is little mkt
just as soon as q man becums reglar
out 81 out Sperret rapper he leeves orr
workin, lets his hare grow all over his
fase & commensis spungin his livin out
of other peple. He eats all the dick
summaries he can find g. goze round
chock full of big words, scarin the VIM
min folks & little children & destroyin
the piece of mind of evry famerle he en-
ters. He don't do nobody no good g. is
cuss to society g. n pirit on honest
peple's corn beef barrils. Admittin all
you say abowt the doctrin to be troo,
must say the reglar Professional Sperrit
rappers-them as makes n biznis on it
air aDOwt the most Ornnrv sat of cuceao