St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1891-09-10
A VERY SPICY LETTER.

census enumeratOrS finished their
work, Supt. Porter wrote to E. B.
| Finn, of St. Adams, criticizing the
accuracy of the report for his portion
of St. Adams, in the matter of the
number of deaths reported inasmuch
as the average was far below what
the general rule of mortality indicat-
ed that it should have been. Mr.. Finn
wrote in reply the spiciest letter that
Supt. Porter has ever received. 1t is
rich, rare and racy. Here is his letter
in full:
Il have your favor of the 10th
inst, informing me of the dissa tisfac-
ton of your department with my
mortality reports, and that it was
unreasonable to suppose that in a
district containing 1910 persons
there should be but six deaths during
the last five months of the census
year; that according to some laws
of average, hitherto unknown, and,
therefore, UNDECIDED, by the good
people of my district, there should
have been 10 deaths rather than six
during the period indicated.
lam very sorry that my conscience
prevents my reporting to you more
deaths than were actually reported
to me, for inquired in every house,
and you have already had the result.
Istudied your instructions very care
fully, and found nothing in them to
re a1 I RI nc
in my district in order to make the
known that the safety of my coun-
try's institutions demanded 10
deaths, might have taken means to
have obtained them, for l know sew
eral good subjects for pleasant funer-
ais, all of said subjects being men
whose deaths l would have recorded
with much pleasure.
But pardon me for calling atten-
ton to seeming inconsistency in
your law of average as applied even
to the different districts of this town.
In Mr.. Barney F. Kelley's district
(No. 40 St. Albans) there were
about 1900 persons and 20 deaths.
Now, from your letter, understand
you require one dead person for each
1S1 live ones, but he returned one
dead one for each 95 live ones. Now,
this number being so much in excess
Of the average indicated, will it be re-
CURED to resurrect enough to bring
it down where it belongs?
But possibly, if you knew my dis
trict you would not presume to APP
ply to it the rule Indicated In the
first place, have it from good au
thority that there is but one place in
the world where the rate of mortali-
ty is as low as in St. Adams, and
that place is far away in sunny Italy,
but those people being ignorant and
beyond our jurisdiction, we can
hardly expect them to die according
to the rules of the census department.
My district contains large num-
Der of persons who for pluck, patience
and perseverance are the wonder and
admiration of the age. | refer, of
course, to Vermont democrats, who,
you must know, occasionally grow
old, but never die. There are a few
government ofhce-holders, and you
know that dying is not one of their
pecuiarities, but had l received your
instructions previous to the last cleo
ton, and if they felt anyway as
did when the returns were coming in
| think | might have persuaded some
OF the newly appointed ones to die
with little difficulty"
There are also few school teach
ers, but presiding as they have SO
long over that band Of angelic beings
whose bright abodes are in the pleas
ant homes of St. Adams, they are
not yet prepared to run the risk of
being compelled to take positions in
the sulphurous 'bevond the veil
where the reigning spirits have as
little comprehension of a good school
law as the Vermont Legislature.
There are some lawyers to whom
if the angel of death were to appear,
would calmly ask for his credentials,
and finally, when their last breath
had departed, they would insist up
on proof of their DEATH"
There are, too, some physicians of
excellent standing, but their opera
tons have been confined to Mr..
Kelly's district, where the death rate
is so high, and, never having taken
any of their own medicine, of course
l have derived no assistance from
this source in securing victims.
There are also some merchants,
but they have been so busily engaged
in marking up their goods in antici-
patton of the imagined effects of the
Mckinley bill that they haven't died,
but they would probably have done
so had they known it would accom-
modate anybody, particularly the
census enumerators, who are very
popular.
There are several clergymen, few
deacons, some stewards, an Episco-
pal vestry and a couple of Sunday
school uperintendents, but, of
course, none of these dare to die.
There are some editors, called by
some 'I1ncrOwued kiuOS of thOuOht