The Russellville Democrat., 1891-05-07


 - Baldinsville, sayin as how grate things was on the Tappis in that air town in refferunse to sellebratin the compleshun of the Sub -Mershine Telegraph & axin me to be Pressunt. Loclin up my Kangaroo and wax wurlks in seizure stile took my departer for Baldinsville-"my own, my native Ian, which gut intwo at early handle itin on the follerin night & just as the seller brashun and illumernashun ware com mensin.
 Baldinsville was trooly in blaze of glory. The Tavern was lit up with tal- Ter handles all over & grate bon fire was burnin in frunt thareof. A Trans pirancy was tied onto the sine post with the follerin wurds-"Giv us Liberty or Deth." Old Tomphnsis grosery was i1lumernated with tin lantuns and the follerin Transparency was in the winder -"The Sub Mershine Telegraph & tho Baldinsville and Stonefield Plank Road --the grate eventz of the 18th centerry may intestines strife never mar their grandjure." Simpkinsis shoe shop was all ablaxe with handles and lantuns. A American Eagle was painted onto . flag in winder-also these words, vix. -"The Constitooshun must be Pre- sarved-" The Skool house was lited up in grate stile and the winders was filld with mottoes amung which notised the follerin--"Trooth smashed to erth shall rise agin-YoU CAN'T STOP HER" "The Boy stood on the Burnin Deck whense awl but him had Fled" "Prokrastins- shun is the theaf of Time" Be vir- toous 6 you will be Happy" "Intem- perunse has cawsed heap of trubble- shun the Bole," au the follerin sentiment written by the skool master, who gradu- ated at Hudson Kollige: "Baldinsville sends greetin to Her Magisty the Queen. & hopes all hard feelins which has here tofore previs bin felt between the Super vizers of Baldinsville and the British Parlimunt. if such there has been, may now be forever wiped frum our Escut- chens Baldinsville this night rejoises over the glorious event which sementz grate nashuns onto one anuther by means of elecktric wire under the roar in billers of the Nasty Deep. QUosQUR TANTRUM, A BUTTER, CATERLINY, PATENT NosTRUMl'
 Squire Smiths house was ited up re- gardlis of expense. His little sun Will fam Henry stood upon the roof frin orf crackers. The old Squire hisself was dressed up in soljer clothes and stood on his door step, pintin his sword sollumly to American flag which was suspendid on top of a pole in frunt of his house. Frequently he wood take orf his cooked hat & wave it round in impressive stile. His oldest darter Miss Isabeller Smith, who has just cum home from the Perkinsville Female Instertoot, appeared at the frunt winder in the West room as the goddis of liberty, & sung Il see them on their windin way" Booteus 1, sed l to myself, you air angil & nothin shorter. N. Boneparte Smith. the 'Squire's oldest sun. drest hisself up as Venus the God of Wars and red the Declaration of Independence from the left chambir winder.
 The 'Squire's wife didn't jine in the festiverties. She sed it was the tarnu- lest nonsense she ever seed. Sed she to the Squire. Cum into the house and go to bed you old fool, you. Tomorrer you'll be goin round half-ded with the rumertism & won't gin us minit's peace till you get we'll" Sez the Squire. Betsy, you little appresiate the inn portance of the event which this night commemorate" Sez she, "Commemo- rate a cats tail--cum into the house this instant, you pesky old critter." Betsy sez the Squire, wavin his sword, Ire tire" This made her just as mad as she could stick. She retired. but cum out agin putty quick with painful of Bilin hot water which she throwed all over the Squire, 6 Surs, you wood have split your sides larfn to see the old man jump up and holler & run into the house.
 Doctor Hutchinsis offiss was likewise lited up and Transparency on which was painted the Queen in the act of drinkin sum of "Hutchinsis invigorater. !" was stuck into one of the winders. The Baldinsville Bugle of Liberty noospaper offiss was also illumernated, & the fol- lerin mottoes stuck out-"The Press is the Arkermejian leaver which moves the world" "vote Early" Buckle on your Armer." "Now is the time to Subscribe" Franklin. Morse & Field. !" "Terms $1.50 year-hberal reducshuns to clubs" In short the villige of Baldins- vile was in perfect fewroar. never seed so many peple thar befour in my born days He not attemp to describe the seems of that grate night Wurds wood fale me ef shood try to do it. shall stop here few periods and enjoy my "Oatem cum dig the tates, as our skool master observes, in the buxxum of my famerly, & shall then resume the show bisnis, which I've bin into twenty twoC22 years and six (6) months.
 AMONG THK SPIRITS.
 s.