The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1891-01-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

"Brings down the ehouse"-A Western
cyclone.
The man who is "waiting for some
thing to turn up" might turn up his
sleeves and go to work.-Puck.
If he lungs contain 75, 900, 900 cells,
as contemporary Informs us, why not
use th.@ .:s-Sa peni'entiar'a- Rs''
ssI,usherstand, Pat. that you have
big fauily dependent upon you3" "Yis,
sor, tih childers, siveu pigs and the old
'omanp
"Terrapin," says q writer "is an &C.
quired taste" So it is. A taste OF ter
rapin d among the most difficult things
to acquire known Washington Post.
The siang that from her lips fell pat
Oft tmade her English haSy; ,,.,
She once was heard to murmur, "thas
Washington Fost.
Crawford-"Time is money, you
know Merrltt-"Aud yet would
sooner have girl who has forty millions
than one who has forty years. ."-C"'edgo
Light.
s.Doesn't that man look sheepisha"
aclxed Mrs. Keedick. eyes, but per-
hans he has had the wool pulled over his
eyesS replied Keedick.-Ohicago Inter-
OceS S--r->~<.---
Nh'Sr"Potts shaves here sometimes,
doesh rIsan Barber-"Yss; Mr.. Potts
is one of my regular clients" Potts
"CHentsl Don't you mean patientsF-
Indianapolis journal.
-"Fenderson is a very enter.
tanning fellow; don't you think so"
Fogg-"Yes, but the deuce of it is you
can't begin to laugh until after he has
gone. ."-Boston1 Transcript.
Some wag recently started the story
that Mrs. Stanley is about to write
book entitled "How Found Stanley"
and she is receiving letters from people
who think 1t Is true. e.vNeW York Tribune.
His Fiancee-"Are you sure you
would love me Just es teuderly 1t our
conditions were reversed-if you were
rich and were poor2" He-"Reverse
our conditions and try me. ."-Brook!yn
LIZ.
tYWhat is the name of the other vaga-
bomb who was, with youf" asked the
massss5a'e %wssi, 9mS avn ::Sx. Msxs1,;,S,t. a.xs
Times. & ~
s'Look herel You just jabbed me In
! the eye with your umbrella" "Too bad.
Here's my fathers card. He's an eye
doctor, and IL you'll use my name he'll
give you bottom rates. ."-Pailddslphia
Record.
Johnny-"Mr. Hankinson, amt you
shaped Just like other men3" Mr.. Han.
kinson--"I suppose SO, Johnny; whya'
"Papa says you amt exactly square, aud
Irene says you seem to be always round"
-Chioago Tribune.
Dealer--W am sure, madame, you
could look the city through aud not lind
a handsomer carriage than this" Mrs.
D'Avnoo-"Oh, it's handsome enough,
but 1t looks too comfortable to be styl.
ish. "-New York Weekly.
| 81 am going to be indiscreet, Mics
Chicago" "Oh, you can't be with me,
Mr.. Boston" s.No3 Well, was just
going to say, how elegantly that big
diamond ring spkss 30; pkkss:q99izs aaaiss. with your
Mrs. Biugo--''C Clara has been shopping
all day. oh, here Is the delivery wagon
with some Of tho things she has Or
dered." Bingo-"But where is Claraa"
Mrs. Bingo-"She is probably waiting
for the change. ."-Nev York Sun.
The only thing that mars the dandy's
peace of mind is the fact that he isn't
imported, like everything he uses.
Meanwhile, from his lofty place in the
menagerie, the imported monkey looks
down on him, and marvels.-Puek.
"Do you find enough to keep you
busy these days9" "You bet. I'm put
ting in bigger days work these days
than ever did before" "Why, I
thought you'd given up your job"
$50 did. Pm looking for another"
--Ba6alo Erpress.
Jack-teNky..a are you looking SO sadi"
Tom-tI saw Maud throwing sly
glances at Harry tonight" Jack
"Cheer up 1t was doubtless for you
che meant them, though Harry got them.
Women c4n never throw straight you
L.