The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-02-18
WIT AND HUMOR.


kind has to pay down.-Bimghamto's
Leader.
Better dinner of herbs if you like
them than a stall OK if you hate beef.
-Bostofsida.
The Office doesn't seek the man any
more; its time is all taken up lodging
him.-Puck.
The difference between repartee and
impudence is the size of the man who
says it.-ELn,irG Gazette.
Alphonse (rapturously)-"Ah. Ger
trude, see you are alone" Gertrude
We'll, yes, was. Boston Courier.
The cradle is an institution that is as
old as the human race. 1t might al
most be called the rock of ages.-Buf-
fato Erpress.
Accounting Trustee-"Figures can't
lie, you know. sir.'' Disappointed
Benefciary-'.No but liars can figure"
TEXAS Sittisgs.
He resembles his wife strongly in
one respect" What is thatP" ''She
thinks there is nobody like him in the
world. .''-Harper's Bazaar.
Aunt Mary "Now, Jennie, let me
see whether you know your lesson.
Tell me who first discovered whale
boneP" Jonah, guess. Life.
Hot water is said to be a sure cure
for every complaint, but we never
knew man to feel any better because
his wife kept him in it.-Atchison Globe.
A man go years old has become era
w from reading sensational stories.
This is another illustration of the say
ing that reading maketh fool man."
ELLEN, did Miss Gadd say anything
when you told her 1 wasn't homer"
Eyes, ma'am, she said how glad she
was she had called. Philadelphia
Times.
81 see your literary society has
a new building. When is it going
to be openedp" s'Just as soon as the
running track is completed. Brook
lyD Life.
Woman can't throw a stone straight
to save her soul. but she can sit in an
easy chair and enchant man so that
he will go and throw it for her.-Sons-
ervilte Journal.
A contemporary starts the query,
''Why do shoes squeak" For the
same reason that opera singers do-be-
cause of the music in their soles.-
Buffalo ETpress.
Sunday-School-T -Teacher-''When the
whale swallowed Jonah, what music
made him come up? Small Boy (after
long silence)-'The Mckinley bill.'-
Washington Star.
But, / say, Palette, this isn't por-
trait of me, This is a. picture of the
Jagman House." That's just the
point. You are inside, taking drink"
-Nes0 York Sum-
Critic-.I didn't like that last line
in your article" Editor-"W well, the
public did," Critic-''Why SOP" Ed
itor-' Because it was the line. "-At-
laa,ta Constitution.
Wibble-'Yes. believe in the office
seeking the man." Wabble-''I notice
that it usually has to seek the boy. At
least that's the case in my office" y
Indianapolis Journal.
''You should marry Henrietta Rob-
inson, Porter. She has $40. 600 year"
'sYes. know; but / need that much
for myself. What the deuce would
she live onP"-Harper's Bazar.
II think the wine is too dear"
TOO deari" answered the host. do
you know what calculate each bottle
atP" No, but I should calculate
about half water. ."-F3iegeade Btatter.
Miss Gushington-"Is that DR..
Drake? What splendid looking man!
He's perfect Achilles" Uncle George
Yes, and, like Achilles. he's all
right except in his heal. Boston
Transcript.
I'VE had some mind-reading at our
party last night. Johnny hid pin and
the new minister tried to find it."
'.And did he succeed?" 30 yes-he
found it When he sat down. - Nes0
York Herald.
Spacer-"The point of your jokes,
old man, is like that of needlep', Lin
er-'.Ah, delighted! You find the
point of a needle sharp, l suppose?"
Spacer-'I referred more particularly
to its size. .'-NeU York Herald.
An article on economy advises every
man to learn to read the gas meter.
The manner in which the G. NJ hand
les the truth, however, suggests dis
heartening possibility of an unhealthy
moral influence. Washington Post.
Strange things happen in a drug
store, suppose" Il should say they
did," answered the druggist, ''but the
oldest ever knew was a policeman
coming in once and asking me for
dose of paregoric. Philadelphia
Times.
Wife-'.I priced the bath-robe YOU
admired so much and found it was
$780," Husband-''Hea You didn't
get it. did youP" Wife-..No. I
thought it was more than you wanted
to pay, so got new bonnet instead"
Boston 1raUeler.
"Yes, George, ".she murmured, II
will be yours; but let US not forget that
marriage is sublime confidence, a
trust" NO." said George, wearily,'
don't say "a trust Iwork six hours
a day in the counting-room; let's keep
finance out of it."- Washington Post,
''It was very kind of you to print nv
poem, but didn't want my name at
tached, to it." That was necessary,
my dear friend" replied the editor,
't.for if l hadn't done so undeseryed
suspicion might have fallen on some of
my other contributors, you know
F2iegessde Blatter.
What's that awful noise in the next
roomP" asked the early guest at the
banquet That" replied the newspa-
per reporter, who had already arrived
with sharp pencil and sharper ap-
petite, '4must be the table groaning
under the delecacies of the season.
N0rriStoUn Herald
Mrs. Hire Qo applicant for cooks
place)-'.But how am to know that
you have had experienceP Have you
any recommendation" Cook (pro-
ducing paper)-"Experience.s is itp
LUX at that mum; it's list of the
erockery I've broke in the last twelve
month. ."-Boston Transcript
Il can't understand it, Reilly" said
the Post-Office Superintendent "These
green hands get through your routes
quicker than you do" II know that"
said the postman. "But you'd oughter
remember they aren't acquainted with
the door ladies. l have social respon-
sihilitinS cir. - No,s VorL g.,