The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-07-23
WIT AND IIUMOR.

sick. What has he got: omail SOU
He's got the doctor. "-Puc6.
Did YOU attend the obsequies of
Snip, your tailor?" Yes. and never
saw Snip less obsequious. N !.
Herald.
"Do you believe man sprang from
| the ape?n No; but | believe woman
springs from the mouse-in fact. I've
seen her do it."-Hdrper's Bazaar.
Chappie-"Wisht our pokaw club
would be pulled" Fitzie-"Why?"
Chappie- Hasn't Wales just been a
witness in gambling suit? "-Butato
| Express.
| Fashionable women who 60 to fash
| ionable balls are more afraid OF what
the reporters will not say about them
than Of what they may say.-N. I.
| Recorder.
/ Miss Spinster-' Such nice man
Rector Brown! Why, this morning ne
said there were marriages in heaven.
Miss Sharpe-'So eonsoling for you
dear, too,'-N \. Ledger.
Mr.. Oldgrad (class of '60)-Ah. this
is our class picture. All. old boy, we
were Younger then than we are now.
Mr.. De Gree-''Yes. and knew great
deal more. Brooklyn Life.
I'm going to the races tomorrow
| and | want to come home in good
shape. What sort of mascot would
| YOU advise me TO carry?n "A railroad
return ticket. IN. T. Recorder.
The quickest way to lose your place
| in the affection of the man who says he
doesn't care for admiration is to stop
telling him the pleasant things you
hear about him.-Etmtra Gazette.
Hitch-"What was DR.. Fourthly's
text this morning." Dickey Hitch
| Il knew YOU would ask. so | put it
down: The Lord tempers the wind to
the spring lamb. IN T. Herald.
Gilhooly-" This world is full of mis-
cry. The happiest man is the one who
| is never born" Hostetter McGinnis-
Yes, but there isn't one in million
that has such a streak of luck. n-Ieras
Sytings.
Stranger Just look at the crowds
| going along. | shouldn't think you
could build churches enough to hold
them ALL" Native-''We cau't-they're
going to the ball game. "-Haroard
Lampoon.
Tho judge became Il preacher and
when he married his first couple he
said: Il pronounce sentence on you
as man and wife. and may God have
mercy on your souls" The cu1prits
left happy. Detroit Free Press.
Hicks-"See here. waiter. it's an
hour since | ordered my lunch, and it
hasn't come yet. | can't afford to sit
here all day." Waiter-"That's all
right, sir We never charges no rent
for our tables, sir" -Hupers Bagar.
Snip said the tailors dude Gus
toner, measure me for $40 outfit.
I'm going to act the poor man here
after 20. hope its not so bad as
that?n Yes. I'm determined. I'm
going to pay for this suit. N Y.
! Continent.
Mr. Figg-'Laura tells me that you
were serenading her last night"
Nudge ''Well?" Mr.. Figg-'I just
came around to apologize for throwing
that hair brush at you. You see, |
thought it was the dog. '-IadiaadpoLs
| J0uahdi.
You are out OF date" said the hair
mattress TO the feather bed. u may
be little old-fashioned but | am no
hairy tick replied the feather bed.
After which retort it laughed until it
dropped down on the tloor.-Aadiaeap-
0iiS JOuYHai.
Doodles just had tremendous
piece OF luck" Noodles. How?'
| ..Nr I 1,
struck me for 81" Noodles -"Well?'
boobies why. | hadn't ii cent. Say.
can you lend me ;s5?n Noodles -"No;
I'm in the same good luck. "-Harper's
Bazar.
We are one of the happiest men this
side of shutdown over our victory in
winning the heart and hand of so good
a girl. We thank our numerous friends
for their con@ratulations and especially
do we return sincere thanks to the
brethren of the press. -BLue Ridge
Post.
"Chollie is in great glee to-day"
"Why?n He owed his tailor $565 for
five years aud the tailor got mad and
pat the account up at public auction"
Il should think that would make Chol-
lie mad" "Oh. no. He went to the
sale and bought it for 50 cents."-
| Harper's Bazar.
Watts-"You seem to be in trouble,
Braggs.' Braggs-"I am. | don't
| know what to do with that boy of
| mine. 1t would break his mothers
heart if | had him committed to the
reform school. and he is not old
enough yet to send to college. Ind
annapolis Journal.
Old Gentleman Ito bus driver)-
MY friend, what do You do with your
wages every week-put part of it in
the savings bank?" Driver-''No. sir.
After payin' the butcher an grocer an
rent, | pack away what's left in bar
rels. I'm afraid of them savin's
banks. y Yankee Blade
Cavalry sergeant Oo assembled
squadron) Forward rs many of YOU
as have fine ear for music No, /
don't want all of you fifteen; ! will
take three of you. That will do. Now
you three will be every morning at
half-past S at the garrison church and
ring the bell.n-Fliegende Biactter.
Quester-''Are those Indian mounds
we see just ahead of us?" Jester-'.So
the old settlers say" Quester-"Do
you know what tribe of indians are
said to have made this their last rest
ing places" Jester-''If we accept
superficial testimony am inclined to
say semi-knolls. "-BostoI Courier.
His face was red, and bore were
large accumulations of caloric under
his collar, and he was using language
more forcible than chaste and elegant.
whats the matter?' asked IA man.
disturbing his soliloquy. Why, why"
he spluttered, "that blankcty blank
whipper-snapper at the committee
meeting. two hours ago moved that
my resignation be accepted" We'll.
what's wrong with that? What did
you send your resignation in for if YOU
didn't want it accepted" That's it.
Blankety blank the BANKED scoundrel!
L didn't send in any restoration