Omaha daily bee., 1891-02-01
I'M PiE1IES.

Friend--Have they raised your salary this
year!
Minister-Gracious No; they haven't
raised it all for last year yet.
Judre-Boy do you understand the nature
Juvenile Witness-Yes'r. It's human ma
ture, reckon.
The devil would rather attend the meeting
of committee engaged in investigating
charges against the character of minister
than see the best dog fight that ever took
place in America.
The people who use religion as a cloak will
NOT need anything as heavy as q cloak to
keep them warm in the next world.
In slippery places stand the bad
1t brings feeling somewhat sad
When the observer stands and views
The good arrayed III hobnailed shoes.
''Staud Pat and dKeep.Mum"-thatw was the
subject of Kansas City clergymans ser
mon last Sunday.
Exhorter-Brother do you want to be
saveds Young Broker absent minded) -
Anything in it,
St Peter-Whats the matter at the portal =?
Spirit-One of the Four Hundred has ar
rived and refuses to go in by the regular
gate He wants to know where the stock
holders entrance is.
Three deacons of Bellaire, Mich, threw "a
brother out of church because he refused to
sing or speak or pray. Tho new style of re-
NlNal VIII hardlY prove popular except with
prize fighters.
Miss Minnie Chadwick, Brooklyn girl of
sixteen summers, ate an average of two
pounds of candy per day for seven months
and then died singing Sunday school ode
McP was canny Scot
Who'd skin cent or rob Il cripple,
Get what he could keep what he got
And know no conscientious ripple:
But when he left this mortal state
We think this dealer had to feel
That at the last hard hearted fate
Gave him the worst end of the dell!
"Brudders,n ~ Rev. Poindexter Gran berry
began, as he wiped his glasses, ''nebber open
an account wild de debble, fo' shuah as you's
bawn dere will be day when he's a.gwine
ter do some colectin' and you won't hab
much ter say about 1t den"
Henry Clay was asked by a lady, after the
death of jackson, what his belief was as to
the fate of Jackson. rs helm the good placel"
''My opinion is, madam, that If jackson made
up his mind to go to heaven all hell could not
keep him out"
man writes to religious paper that his
pastor sis true minister, man of God
more than that, man OF brains.n This sug-
gests the old story of the English parson who,
after lecturing parishioner for some offense,
said "ln acting as you do you not only sin
against God but treat me with positive dis
courtesy
A pastor who has "been there" and knows
all about IL says that many churches treat a
pastor as people treat u cat When they are
calling him, it is Come pussy, come pussy. ~
For time after he is settled. and while all
hope to use him fOr.tnelr own purposes they
stroke him and say; GOOD pussy, nice
pussy" And after they tire of him they say
''Scat ~ and away he must go to fresh fields
and pastures new.
The First Presbyterian church of Mont
claire, n V, is in u state of nervous agita-
tion over The discovery of playing cards
among the merchandise offered for sale at the
church fair The irreverent brother who thus
rung in cold deck on the good sisters prob
ably justihos his action on the idea that q
church fair is always brace game.
a Boston pastor recently announced from
the pulpit that piano was to be given away
by a business firm TO the young lady receiv.
| ing the largest number of votes and he re-
| qucsted the congregation to go and vote for
one of their own members who was eager &c
secure the prize. The Congregatioualls,
| vouches for the truth of this story, in which
religion and thrift are so curiously blended.
There is nothing in dress more attractive
| than the graceful lounging wrappers that
nowadays form part of every lady's ward
| ro0e. The materials used for these garments
| are light soft woods, in u variety of delight.
| full tlower-llko colOrngs, and with their soft,
| clinging fronts of silk they leave nothing in
| material or color 10 be desired. These gowns
| may follow the japanese style, with square
sleeves and eccentrcally draped front, or be
| modelled after the Grecian fashion Of robe
but they must always be loose and comfort
| able.