Connecticut western news., 1891-06-10

pretty bad people. On the
 cont'ry, they air exceedin'
 good people.
 Troo, they air deprived of many bless ins. They don't enjoy. for instans, the priceless boon of a war. They haven't any American Egil to onchain, and they hain't got a Fourth of July to their backs.
 Altho' this is monikal form of Gov'- ment, am onable to perceeve much moniky. tried to git piece in Toron- to, but failed to succeed.
 Mrs. VICTORIA, who is Queen of Eng land and has all the laxuries of the markets, incloodin game in it's season, don't bother herself much about Canady, but lets her do bout as she's mighter. She, however, gin'rally keeps her sup piled with a lord, who's called a Gov'ner Gin'ral. Sometimes the politicians of Canady make it lively for this lord-for Canady has politicians, and expect they don't differ from our politicians, some of 'em bein' gifted and talented liars, no doubt.
 The present Gov'ner Gin'ral of Cana dy is Lord MONK. I saw him review SOul0 fO1uuU6CIS dU n1OuUlCd1 14O w C1o accompanied by some other lords and dukes and generals and those sort of things. He rode little bay horse, and his close wasn't any better than mine. You'll always notiss, by the way, that the higher up in the world a man is, the less good harness he puts on. Hence Gin'ral HALLECK walks the streets in plain citizens dress, while the second lieutenant of a volunteer regiment piles all the brass thil>E' he can find onto his back, and drags q forty-pound sword after him.
 MONK has been in the lord bisniss some time, and I understand it pays, tho I don't know what lords wages is. The wages of sin is death and postage stamps. But this has nothing to do with MONK.
 One of Lord MONKS daughters rode with him on the field. She has golden hair, kind, good face, and wore a red hat. I should be very happy to have her pay me and my family a visit at Baldinsville, Come and bring your knittin', Miss MONK. Mrs. WARD will do the fair thing by you. She makes the best slap-jacks in America. As a slap jackist, she has no ekal. She wears | the Belt.
 What the review was all about, ] | don't know. I haven't a gigantic intel leck, which can grasp great questions at onct. I am not WEBSTER or a SEY. MoUR. I am not a WASHINGTON or a l OLD ABE. Fur from it. I am not as l gifted man as HENRY WARD BEECHER Even the congregation of Plymouth Meetin' House in Brooklyn will admit that. Yes, I should think SO. But while don't have the slitest idee as to what the review was fur, I will state that the sojers looked booty scrumptious in theil red and green close.
 Come with me, jentle reader, to Que beck.
 Quebeck has seen lively times in war like way. The French and Britishers had set-to there in 1759. JIM WOLFF commanded the lattcrs, and JO. MONT CALM the formers. Both were hunky boys, and fit nobly. But WOLFE was too many measles for MoNTcALM, an6 the French was slew'd. WOLFE an6 MoNTCALM was both killed. In arte1 years a common monyment was erected by the gen'rous people of Quebeck, aided by bully Earl named GEORGE DAL HOUSIE, to these noble fellows. Ina was well done.
 Durin' the Revolutionary War B. AR MOLD made his way through dense woods and thick snows, from Maine to Que beck, which it was one of the hunlies things ever done in the military line. Il would have been better if B. ARNOLD; funeral had come off immeditly on hi! arrival there.
 On the Plains of Abraham there wa onct some tall ftin', and ever since the1 there has been a great demand for thu bones of the slew'd on that there occa sion. But the real gincoine bones was long ago carried off, and now the boys make a hansum thing by carting the bones O. bosses and sheep out there, and sellin em to intelligent American towerists Tahn professional view of this dodge must say that it betrays genius of | ) lorfty character.
 It reminded me of a inspired feet O. my own. l used to exhibit wax fggel of HENRY WILKINS, the Boy Murderer HENRY had, in a moment of inadvert ence, killed his Uncle EPHRAM an6 walked off with the old mans money Well, this stattoo was lost somehow, an6 not sposin' it would make any particlel difference I substitooted the full grow1 !, stattoo of one of my distinguished pirut! for the Boy Murderer. One night I ez hibited to a poor but honest audience il the town of Stoneham, Maine. "This, ladies and gentlemen" said l pointing my umbrella (that weapon which is indispensable to every tro American) to the stattoo, s'this is life , like wax fgger of the notorious HENR,
 WILKINS, who in the dead of night mur dered his Uncle EPHRAM in cold blood A sad warning to all uncles havin' mur derers for nephews. When mere chil this HENRY WILKINS was compelled t
 go to the Sunday school. He carried n Sunday school book. The teacher toll him to go home and bring one. He wen , and returned with a comic song-book l A depraved proceedin.''
 "But," says man in the audience ''when you was here before your wa figger represented HENRY WILKINS as boy. Now, HENRY was hung, and ye you show him to us now as full-grow] man! How's that?''
 'The fgger has growd, sir-it ha E growd," said.
 I was angry. If it had been in thes
 times I think I should have informe, agin him as traitor to his flag, an had him put in Fort Lafayette. say adoo to Quebeck with regret. l is old fogyish, but chock full of interest Young gentlemen of a romantic turn 0 ] mind. who air botherin' their heads a