Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-03-08

Nye Hurting the Ships Timber
something like this: Name. Michael Door
finger; residence, Long Island City, age,
10 years; height, 8 feet inches; weight,
13S pounds; eyes blue, hair red, COM
plexion sallow, with olive green dapples
Oh it; respiration normal, with tendency to
raw onions in excessive quantities; pulse
regular; vision average; birth marks,
huckleberrv on pit OF stomach, raislns on
left flank; other marks, Goddess of Liberty
in India ink on forearm, portrait OF 50 shoe
man on withers, Union Jack over pancre-
ate region, bar-V bar brand - on
quarter, panorama Of engagement be-
tween the Merrimac and Monitor on
pectoral region; admission % cents.
Impromptu Parents of the Minors.
These bows enlist to serve as apprentices
until they are of age, when they may, II
still moral and free from the use OF pro-
family, enlist regularly and have their
trousers laced up the back for years to come.
Minors must try not to enlist under 1S with
out the consent of their parents or guardians
Some boys get pro TEN. parents 10 come and
give their consent; then, when the ship
sails, the real parent. with light running,
noiseless hoe handle, comes down to the foot
OF Fiftieth street and threatens to knock
large chunk off the jib Of the war ship OF
kick her in the waist if the officers do not
return his child.
No minor person under IA, or insane per-
son or idiot (who is not related in any way
with prominent people,, or female person,
whether unavoidably so or not, or deserterS
from the army or navy, or life convicts who
are detained by State prison authorities, or
Mugwumps over 50 years of age not taxed,
NAV be permitted to enlist under the pro-
visions of section /, 420 of the Revised
Statutes of the United States. Applicants
must be able to read and write, but, if well,
strong and bright, will not be required TO
read Browning and explain same while not
under the influence of liquor.
What Lad Takes Along.
Shipping articles consist of the consent of
parent or guardian, together with plug of
bronze chewing tobacco, 4 New Testament
and a marine glass holding three pints.
BOYS who have been convicted OF capital
offense will not be accepted unless they can
cancel their date of execution without loss
to local managers.
Recruits are at once, upon their accept
ance, made to bathe and visit the barber
Some have to do this before they can be ex-
amined. After the bath, new birth marks,
Swiss sunsets in India ink, tattooed ka-
phaels and gaily romping goddesses Of liD-
erty emerge from the mist of gathering years
and reveal to the astoniShed surgeon new
and beautiful designs in dados and home
decorations.
The boys are questioned and sworn in on
the Starboard side and examined physically
on the port side-on the port side of the
ship. If you do not know which is the port
side, you may easily detect it by asking the
ensign or the commanding officer. Tine wash
room and barber shop, containing three
chairs, are up one flight, abaft the lover.
A Discovery in Color Blindness.
DR.. Keeney said he had some odd expert
enceS with color blind BOYS on examination,
One applicant was rejected on account Oh
color blindness who turned out to be an as
sorter of colors in silk factory. After
further investigation it was shown that his
trouble was in distinguishing primary
colols After that he would name the
slightest change in shade with great accu-
racy, like ''pink No 20, 3" green No. 15,"
ETC., clear down to a traction, but he couldn't
be relied upon to tell plain green from blue.
When first received on board the training
ship the boys receive an outfit Of clothing
valued at S45 This amount has to be re-
funded if the wearer does not serve out the
term of his enlistment, as the clothing very
rarely fits the admiral or heads of bureaus
at Washington, and so is practically worth
less. Upon the expiration of his enlistment
the recruit will, if recommended, receive an
honorable discharge and continuous service
certificate. L pom re-enlistment within three
months from the date of discharge he will
be entitled to three months paw and the
freedom of the Atlantic Ocean and an in
crease OF 81 per month, which he may invest
N GnvprDmaDt intn
United States Treasury, receiving silver
certificates for same; or he can through
some reliable broker in New York, negotiate
for nice, large watermelon.
A Badly OyerworIxed Engineer.
The engineer came on board before we
lett, and after examining the place where
the engines used TO be, retired to his apart
ments for much needed rest The gunner
was not on board, but by good luck l did
not know it while l was there and so felt
comparatively secure. While walking ait
L thoughtlesSly ran my umbrella through
one of the timbers of the ship, but FORUM
ately did not spread it.
The Minnesota is a very old ship, and,
like the acting Of James Owen O'ConOr
somewhat rotten. Unlike his stage work,
however, it was not always rotten. Peace
and gentle, eternal slumber to the brave old
ship! She has won the quiet dock and COM
Portable repose that come in the twilight of
an honorable life.
Thanking the officers for the pleasure and
delightful hospitality of the day, got the
ships carpenter to hammer out the places
where my high ha: had buckled to, and,
shaking hands all around, we took our lives
in our hands and started up Fiftieth street for |
home. Here il was, along this street, that the |
Minnesota's Japanese steward was held up |
by gang and made to treat the Westside. |
l thought as l waded up through the opaque |
atmosphere and the choppy pavement that 1 |
would hate to leave anything out over night |
in that neighborhood that L cared anything |
about. Especially my motives, unless ex,
pected 20 find them impugned the next |
morning. BILL NYE.
HOUSEHOLD goods packed for shipment. |
Il AnCH & KEENAN, % "a Wnt.r rtraat