Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1891-06-19
PITH AND POINT.

| A grave situation-A cemetery site.
Measurses not men-The ladies'
tailor.
Money is the life preserver that keeps
people up in the swim.
A prison warden should not be Judged
by the company he keeps. -Boston.
| Courier.
This is the season of the year when
potted plants want the GARTH IYashing-
ton Star.
The gas meter tolls not, but as spin
ner 1T is a splendid success. -PiusJuro
Dispatch.
While the girl of the period is shining
in the parlor, her mother is shining in
the kitchen.
a man may be positive in his negative,
and SO may woman for that matter
Pittsbury Post.
A mans experience is either something
he has or something that has him.
! SaUdnnah Neus.
Whales are not naturally bclligerent
animals, but they will come to blows.
once in while.-St. Joseph Me,os.
The italian organist comes monkeyino-
around the premises with the return Of
warm weather. Boston TRANSCRIPT.
/ A ton of diamonds ut the present dav
is worth S35, 900, 600. We furnish the
information to prevent the public from
being ovcrcharged. --M0nroe Cisy Ne,os.
The sexton helped his worthy wife,
He peeled potatoes well;
He next peeled OFF his overcoat.
And then he pealed the bell.
Washington Post.
he Catching at straw)-.So you do.
think it is at least possible that could
make you happy" e-"Yes-if T
were going to marry for spite, you know"
Life.
''To what do you attribute YOUR
longevity" asked an inve stigator of a.
centenarian. ITO the fact that never
died" was the conclusive rcpy.-Har-
Per's Basar.
Sergeant 'When you put the gun to.
your shoulder to shoot, you must stand
so still that a guide post beside you
would look like drunken civilian" -
Fiicgeonde Blaettcr.
When you see man dart suddenly
across the street in New York City, now,
you are not certain whether he has seen
a creditor coming his way or .hcre is o.
live wire down. Statesman.
He talked the old man dumb aud blind.
Then muchy to his grief
Inc old man said-'twas most uukind-
"Go on. Pm not yet deaf"
The Epoch.
Banks-"I never have been able to,
ascertain why it was that the number of
suicides increased iifty-nine per cent. in
the year 1716." RanIls-''Why, it was
in that year that the first piano was in
vented. "-Life.
I'D my poem go in?'
He did timidly ask it;
And, oh, twas sin
That vile EDITORS grin
as he said: Eyes, it's in
The wastc-basket"
Brooklyn Life.
''Brethren," remarked the pastor, ass
the contribution box started around,
twill you be kind enough to put needle
and thread in, SO may be the better
able to utilize the buttons you SO lavish
ly contribute2"- Washington Star.
The Future Cashier: Teacher But.
Hans, what are you doing with your
shoes and stockings OFF, "The book
wants to know how many four times five.
is, and haven't got enough fingers, so 1
have to count my toes. Fiiegende Blact-,
ter.
Gimlet-"Thc old man said last night.
that was the worst clerk he ever had,
and if came around again he'd have the
porter fire me-" Auger-"Well, what.
did you do2" Gimlet-"Do2 What.
would any gentleman dol 1 handed in
my resignation. "-MsW Yors Recorder.
He (after marriagc)-"Whata You
have no fortune? You said over and over
again that you were afraid some one.
would marry you for your money" She
and you said over ard over
again that you would be happy with me.
if l hadn't cent. Well, | haven't n
cent. "-Ne'o YORK Weekly.
MAY have the honor to conduct
your daughter to the supper table?m
asked society gentleman of lady from
the country, who is staying with some.
friends whom she is visiting. "AIay YOU
TAKE her to suppera" was the response.
"Why, Of course, and you may take me.
too. That's what we came here for. ~
Mercury.