The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-03-05
BRIGHT BITS.

THE face of the returns" said the chairman
of the meeting, shows 81 ayes and no noes"
what queer looking facs that must be-
remarked an old lady in the back row.-Wdsh-
tn0tOn SiG'.
"BY ALL MEANS, - said higgins to his wife, who
was of progressive ideas, keep out of print
Il hope you will make that apply to the cal
leo dresses have been wearing, was all the
reply she made WASTING ton Post
RURAL CLERGYMAN (sympathetically)- Terri
bic accident, terrible, wasn't it, Six men blown
to atoms with nitro -glycerine
Undertaken ttearfuly )-Heartrendingl Not
enough left OF them for funeral.-GOod Netus.
YOUNG HANKINsoN taking his seat In the
ohair)-Don't shave that mole, please. It's
tender.
Barber latter a careful examination of the rest
Of the face)-Al right. sir. Next!-Chicago
Tribune.
RYsoN-Col. Bourbon Ipregrme, sab, you are
observing Lent, sab?
Col. Bourbon-Yes, sab, l made a sacrifice,
take my whisky straight, sab, now, and give
up the sugar, sah.-Ctncinndtf Commercial
Gazette.
''YoU sNoRED terribly in church last Sunday.
You set everybody talking
"Yes; 1 reSembled Byron. !"
81 don't understand -
II woke and found myself famous. "-Neto
York Sun.
FIRST vAssAR STuDENr-Papa writes me never
TO lay my watch on its back. What am l to
do at night.
Second V. Sid lay it on its-that is, err. UNI,
aheml 1 think, dear, that it should be hung on
the wall.-JeWeIeT's Weekly.
Coon MINIsTER-I am glad to find you bear
up 80 well under affection, Mrs de Trade.
did not nope to find you so cheerful after your
husbands failure.
Mrs de Trade-All his properly is in my
name.-Nelc York Weekly.
THERE once was a gallant knight-erran
Whose lady-love lad stern parent.
He wore steel shirts and pants,
And sword and lance
But the young folks afraid of him weren't.
-DrGke's Magazine.
Mrs. HoNEYroN-Are those some of the cigars
l gave your
Honeyton-YeS.
Mrs Honeyten-How are they?
Honeyton-They are of the kind that it Is
better to give than to receive.-Chicago Ne,rs.
THE OPERATION" said the surgeon, gently, to
a man who had just met with an accident, "wtll
be very painful strongly advise you to take
No" said the sufferer, ~ think can bear it.
have been used to shaving myself. "-St. Joseph
NeWS
WATrs-It seems queer that professional
sprint runner like Sharpley should let himself
be caught by policeman in a run of less than
half block.
Poots 1t happened in. this way: Some one
yelled out, in bet IS on shsrpleyl' and
Sharpley threw the race from force of habit
Indianapolis Journal.
''WHY ARE their so many keyholes in this
door. off1cerS" he asked. leaning himself against
the jam.
They're to accommodate all the keys you We
got. OF course"
''Then what's the good of EN- all when you
have to search to find the only one that'l open
the door. Philadelphia Press.
81 MAISTAIN," asserted young Mr.. Con
goslin IN the course Of an argument, that the
face is not an infallible guide to determine the
mind"
81 think you must be right" assented Miss
Ophelia, "for any one who did not know you
would think from glance at your face
that you were rather Intelligent. CHICAGO
fllter Ocean.
The prize fighters were in their cosxers
awaiting the call of time.
May the best man winl" yelled an excited
man in TIE crowd.
The referee, man from Boston, raised his
hand authoritatively.
Hold" he exclaimed, In a voice of thunder
II cannot permit that to pass uncorrected. MAY
the better man win! Proceed with the conten-
tion, gentlemen. The moment has arrived."-
| Catcdgo Tribune.