Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-06-17

lneTe 10 u uiCo, 4uiet, iis'o pi"So
in the heart of the dry goods district
where I occasionally drop in to get a
glass of beer, and now and the nj
don't mind owning up to it-a cock
tail. A man need not be heavy
drinker to get on good terms with the
bsrkeeper. Therefore, 1 need not
apologize for the fact that John-that
is the barkeeper's name-has frequent
ly given me Aattering evidence of his
distinguished consideration. John
likes me and often gives me "pointers"
on human nature, for the study of
which he enjoys almost unrivaled op-
portunities.
had often noticed that the heavi-
est drinker in the place was certain
drummer who was in the habit Of TAX
ing his out-oftown customers there to
treat them in the hope of getting
some substantial orders in return
1t is a way drummers haye. l have
often wondered if there was any limit
to this drummer's capacity for stow
ing away fluid refreshment. / had
never seen him give any indication Of
being any the worse for liquor, though
/ cannot say much of all his custom.
ers on whom he lavished his hospital
ity.
The other day, when he had given
remarkable evidence Of his ability
to resist the seductive influence of al
coholic stimulants by swallowing ten
whisky "straights" in the course Of
half an hour without, as the phrase
goes. turning hair" I con6ded to
John my opinion that the drummer
was the most wonderful man I ha0
ever seen, not excepting "the man
with the iron skull"
"Why," replied the imperturbable
John, II haven't noticed anything
wonderful about him. He's a pretty
good sort of fellow, that's all"
"Do you mean to tell me-" said /,
somewhat nettled. that you hayen't
often wondered oyer the capacity of
his tank ="
John chuckled.
"Why, he hasn't got any tank at
all. He couldn't carry two glasses of
whisky and keep sober to save his
SOUL"
"But l have just seen him take ten
inside of half an hour. I'd back his
tank against any man ever met"
John laughed outright this time.
"If you did and it was a dead square
match you'd lose your. money sure.
Now just to show you that it won't
always do to believe your own eyes
I'll tell you something. You and he
amt in the same line, so it won't do
any harm. That drummer doesn't
drink drop of whisky here. He
pays for whisky but he doesn't get it.
What he gets is colored water with a
little sugar in it. When he first
came here he took me aside and said
he: See here. I'm a drummer it's
my business to sell goods and to sell
goods I've got to 90 with crew that
drinks and keep up my end. But my
tank amt worth a continental for that
sort Of thing. 1t won't hold anything
without letting it get into my head
and then if try to do any business
my customers are sure TO get the best
of me. Now / want you to fix me
up something that looks like whisky
and give it to me whenever ! call for
whisky. You can charge me for it
just the same as if it was whisky and
mustn't have anything in it that will
make a fellow drunk. 1t will be
money in your pocket to do it, be-
cause I'll bring all my customers here
and the fuller they get on whisky the
better I'll like it,
THAT was two years ago, and that
drummer is the best customer that
we've got, for all that he pays is clear
profit and he brings in a heap of busi-
ness, too. He's got the reputation of
a good driuker and having a tremend.
Gus tank, when the fact is he never
puts anything stronger than water
into it-at least in this place. But
as he sells no end of goods, and makes
a lot of money out of the commissions,
/ suppose he don't mind little thing
like being thought hard drinker."
l am now more strongly Of the
opinion than ever before that "you
cant most always sometimes tell p
Now York Harold