Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1891-11-05
By ALEX e SWEET an dsSIunss

Thanksgi. ing day now draweth nigh,
Come in the sweet by and bgh,
| When for turkeys children crigh,
And their tears will only drigh,
At the thought OF chicken frigh,
Or the juicy oyster pigh,
They eat so much you say, Oh, Nigh.
When we say go they wonder wigh.
What have we to be thankful for? Much
| To begin with, the great Italian tenor,
| Signor Doboni (his real name Is Dobs)
sw allowed toothpick which got tangled
| up with the timbre of his organ, SO that
he has left the stage; and Herr Geigen>
| heimer, the distinguished German violin
ist, has SO seriously injured the hand with
| which he sinned most that he may never
| be able again to draw the bow. There lie
| more than dollars worth of thanks in
these incidents alone. HallelUjahl En-
corei Encore!
Tom Reeds boom has sunk into a
noiseless echo, Foraker has declined the
| presidency and the tame but hungry
besr of our itinersut Italian recently de-
voured the lower half of his masters
body, and then carefully hid away the
trunk and intellectual development for the
| next day. The bear evidently believed in
the womsn's motto: dish and deal. and
have little at every meal" Another
rs cents worth of thanks.
| Mr.. James Brown Potter and Mrs.
| Curly Belloo have beef out of this coun-
try during the summer, being busily en-
gagged in making the luckless people at
the antipodes realize that there is still
| God in Israel who wreaketh vengeance
We have also escaped the hog cholera
and threatened visit from Oscar Wilde.
Here is so cents worth of thanks. il not
| more. Once more, Halleluj ALL BRAY u
Bravissimoi
Thus far no Texas grand jury has ip-
dicted Russ for swindling, and our wor-
thy postmaster general still licks the
stamps at his bargain counter instead of
being in jail along with Bardsley. of Key
| stone bank fame. Then, again. the pic
| mic season has waxed and wsned, and
the lair of the ice cream iend is draped
with the mourning weeds of woe. The
season is over when
| Augustus takes that girl OF his'n
! Where the soda fountains fzzin,
| To the gaily frescoed parlor,
Fair as nymph or fairy dream,
And il takes dollar fifty
For TO fill her full OF cream.
! lis really too cool for ice cream
Arise, young man, MARBLE pG ans of
thanksgiving. Pound the hewgag and
sound the loud timbrel. The swindliug
schemes of Fakir Rsum, of refrigerator
fame. exposed by the press and like sum.
mer fly
| With chilly feet and dropping WINGS
| He hangs upon the window pane
| And hoarsely he his death song sings,
| He hath a sort OF window pain.
Poor fly, his buzziness is DER,
Alas his hum is in the dust;
His corpse will float on tea no more,
| Nor pass for cloves in cahe, trust.
But in presenting the bright side of the
| picture, l must admit that there are q few
drawbacks.
| The peanut crop has failed, Edwin Ar
mold has begun his impending lecture
tour and Ia grippe is expected to arrive
by the next steamer. Deduct 40 cents
worth Of gratitude, and send the Office
boy out dime, or 10 cents worth of
sackcloth and ashes.
While Boulanger and Bslmaceda have
considerably made way with themselves,
George Francis Train still continues to
cause the stomachs of the readers of the
New York papers to hesve with his je-
june babblements and assinine expector,
atoms, and nobody has as yet tied string
tightly around the neck of this wonderful
vibratory oscillating CAB singer. He
still fingers, an impressive monument of
the negligence or good nature OF the fool
killer. Knock of dollars
worth of thanks, choke down
the moist, rising sob, and hope for the
best during the coming year.
A few days ago Russ male parent
wrote out, with my assistance, the thrill
ing stapzss of his gastronomicsl procla.
nation. The Condemned turkey will
never hope for reprieve, and the yellow
legged chicken will shrink before the
baleful chances of the presiding elder ant
other members of the committee OF
stomachic upholstering and interior dec
GRAFTON.
I regret that Harrison remarked bitter.
ly that he didn't have any cause to Civ,
thanks.
MIR. President" said I, ..let me relate
an antidote: Said an irate parent to BIZ
son one morning at the breakfast table
what are you grinning at, you bald
faced monkey
I'm tickled. said the hilarious youth
"'Tickled! What tickles you so infer
nally gro xled the father.
"'Piesse. replied the boy. I'm tickle,
because am alive"
Harrison sighed heavily, and stabbed 9
dark. cancerous looking inkstand witt
his pen.
"Mr. President" said I, putting m,
feet on the table, ''let US accept the az
proach of Thanksgiving in spirit o
wise aud philosophical contentment. LIE
us take it for what it is worth, and neve
look gift Thanksgiving turkey in tn
mouth. Stuff the turkey, chop the salad
and kill the fatted goose. Spice the oys
tiers, stir the batter. and beat the lou,
], bassoon Thanksgiving will soon b
3 among us, and we should all be individ
: ualiy among thanksgiving. Let each o
{ us give heartfelt thanks for not being
. trifie worse off than he is. When Thanks
giving comes around let the defeated can