Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1891-11-13
JERRY'S BALD HEAD.
The Old Settler Tells of Sugar
Swamps Strange Freak.
Red Whiskers, an Equally Handsome
Wig, Two Tame Crows and n Dis
favored Lover Woven Into Pret-
ty Romance by the Major.

POpS viz ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ludn Ul
ever lived, squire, were Jerry Bill
finger, of Sugar swamp" said the old
Bettleri san wat sot me to thinkin
about him were them durn crows a. cav
In an a-squawkin down yender in
the woods. Eggs hain't often ketched
q wearin' much hair, but wouldn't be
afered to bet farm, b'gosh, th't if
II anybody'd he shaved Jerry Bill
fingers head an then shaved an egg
he'd ha' scraped more hair often the
egg thin he would often Jerry's head!
He were uncommon bald, Jerry werew
"W'at knocked him baldheaded,
major?" asked the squire. WANT he
wholesome in his 'arly days, or did he
marry widder?"
'Natur' were wat allied jerry" said
the old settler. Jerry wero born bald
an never got over 1t. He had fist ez
much hair wen he were ten minutes
old ez he did wen he were twenty year
old. mean ez to his head, fer cur'ou
thing about Jerry Bilflingcr were th't
though he didn't hev no hair on his
head, he begun to sprorH w'iskers fore
he'd cut his second teeth, and by the
time he were old enough to drop corn
he had baird longern a billy goats
1t was durn funny thing to see that
amazin' youngster plantin' corn, with
his head glistenin' in the sun like
bran new baby's, N his w'iskers wav-
in in the wind ez if he were old enough
to be regular Methusaler Wat made
the sight more s'rprisin' were th't them
w'iskers was ez red almost ez turkey
gobbler's chops. They was so red that
wen Jerry went to fetch the cattle
home from pastur, he had to kivcr them
w'iskers up, fer the bull got his eyes on
'em wunst n chased Jerry clean acrost
the lot N up tree, whar the sight o
the w'iskers worked ON the bulls
feelin's SO th't they say he'd ha' paved
the tree up by the roots N settled Jerry
n the w'iskers right thar an then If
some one hadn't kim along an reskied
'em.
"Wull, Jerry growed to be a man,
but he never got no hair on his head,
N his w'iskers seemed to git redder'n
ever. But Jerry thort heap Of his
glowin' baird, N he wouldn't swop it
fer the ch'icest head O. hair th't ever
growed That's wat he said till he
begun to look around fer wife, n sot
his mind on Prudence Petty, the bes'
lookin' gal on Biler's Run. Prudence
had little circumstance of her own
th't she was jist ez proud of ez Jerry
were of his w'iskers, n that were six
fingers on each hand. Jerry want
p'tic'lar struck with them hands full o.
fingers, but were dead sot to tie to
Prudence in spite of 'em. So he begun
to shine around her, or tried to, but
she kinder nipped him, n didn't seem
to banker arter Jerry, though Jerry
had ben left one O. the best clearin's S
tn were in Sugar Swamp wen his OF
pap died. So one night wen he were
up to see Prudence he thort he'd find
out fist wat the matter wus, n he
says:
"'Pru, he says, WITS ailin' o. me tht
v don't seen to keer nothin' bout me?
Hain't got the best clearin' in Sugar
Swamp says he.
"I reckon " hev, Jerry says Pru-
dence; but tha's one thing y can't
raise on it, m that's sumpin' I'd like v
to hev p'tic'lar if Jined y in running
that clearin',' says she.
"I kin raise anythin' on that cleariu'
th't growsP says Jerry, gettin' a little
huffy.
"'Well, says Pru, If y kin raise this
th't I'd like y to raise says she, IN
be willin' to hev y divide the clearin'
with me, says she, IN mebbe be yer
widder some day. says she, larfn the
aggervatinest kind
~ kin do itr says Jerry. Watts the
crop?' says he.
Its hairr says Prudence, larfin
more'n ever. If y kin raise crop o
hair I'm yer huckleberryr says she,
Watts the use o. me havin' all these
fingers o. mine, says she, if I'm tc
marry a man that hain't got no hair on
his head? They'll jist be wasted says
she, n she larfed SO thet Jerry broke
fer hum, N fer the fust time in his life
cussed his ill-luck cause them w'iskers
o his'n want on top O. his head, 'stid
o. hangin' onter his chin. The more he
thunk of it the more he wanted to git
some hair, N so one day he went tc
Lippy Conkright, the hoss doctor, n
offered him twenty dollars n a spring
shoat If he could conjur' up some way
to make hair grow on his bald conk
Lippy lnow'd tht Jerry hadn't never
had no hair, n so he shuck his head.
"'If we know'd whsr to git some
hair roots says he, we mowt plow uI
yer scalp N set 'em out like cabbage
plants says he, IN mebbe raise y ;
crop O. hair. Thut's the unly way
know on says Lippy; but hair roots
guess, is a pooty sca'ce article to gi
list now,' says he. Il hsin't heerd o
none bein' on the market, hev you?
says Lippy
"Jerry. ook his head n looked
gIa+s-Ne eby Lippy says;
IDe - hdo UCCu OuIh Oh y
-,y, says he, IN if l was you II
Ueat natur' at her own game
"'How's that says Jerry.
18th as setch things ez wigs say
Lippy. Hadn't y never thort o themG
says he,
"'No, by gum,' says Jerry. 4 neve
did, N they're the ticket n Jerr,
went hum ez chirpy cz a cricket.
day or two arter that Jerry took triI
to the county seat, n the evenin' h
kim back he went up to Biler's Rul
n dropped in for call on Prudenc
Petty.
"'How bey', Pru?' says Jerry. 'W'icl
one 'othem twelve fingers o your'n IL
put the weddin' ring on?' says he.
ANY one of EN- says Prudence
th't a lock o hair often your head !
Y,,alra /, -;per far., saus cha larhni in he