Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1891-07-30
PlTH AND POINT.

"A Rochester man says he never gets
piece of toast ''as hot as toast" or
cucumber '.as cool as a cucumber
Rochester Post-Express.
-Post-Mortem Praise. -Tom-''Hur-
ly was a.good man." Jack-"How do
YOU know he WASP" Toni saw it
on his tombstone Yankee Blade.
An Expert Opinion.-New Owner
(proudly showing horse)-''Ratherh high.
bred, don't you think. eh?"- Horse Ex-
pert-'Y-e-s, rather hybrid, that's
fact
"A Misfortune -Tom-'Have you
heard? Egotiste has become suddenly
dumb" Jack-"Too bad. There will
be no one to sound his praises now
Yankee Blade.
A Woman's Theory.-He (vaguely)
wonder what those strange cries
are, out toward the sunset?" She Qan-
guidly)-"Perhaps it is the mewing of
the catboats."
Here are some of the best jokes in
my line that were written, even if they
didn't get into print" remarked the ice
man as he looked over his cash book
Washington Post
On Tick.--''How are you getting
along nowadays, Vickars?" Finely.
Pm living like prince, so to speak"
Think you will ever be able to settler"
Indianapolis Journal
-Author-''These two books-I hard
~ know what to call them-are waiting
for titles" Joblots-"Why don't you
you call them American Heiresses,'
ban I,unnpn
Woman is coming right along. 1t
is said that about one-third of them are
engaged in remunerative employment,
and no doubt many more are anxious
to be engaged.-Lowell Courier.
-Brigs-"You know that old suit of
mine? l sold it for ten dollars to-day"
Griggs -''How nice" Brigs-Not at
all. had to take the money and make
the first payment on my tailor's bill. -
Clothier and Furnisher.
July 4. - What an unearthly
noise?" Its only the cracker bakery,
next door," .'Do you mean to say they
can't bake crackers without making all
that racket" Certainly not-fire
crackers Brooklyn Eagle.
Higher Game. - Miss Palisade -
"There goes Clara Slimson with that
Twillinger fellow. Isn't it just like
her to wear her best dress?' Miss Sum-
mit-''Why you stupid, she isn't going
fishing for fish. Cloak Review.
Nothing" said Mr.. Tozer, sadly,
equals the skepticism of married
women" you're mistaken, my dear"
answered Mrs. Tozer, there is one
thing" what is it?" 1.-The credulity
of the unmarried ones. Detroit Trib.
une.
Little Brother-"I say, sis, there's
a mouse in the room" His Sister Dump
ing on a chair)-''Oh, horrors! Where?"
Brother-''Right there near the rug"
Sister-''Ch, dear! What shall do? 1
can't see him!'' Brother (walking away
-"Of course you can't; he's inside the
cat"
He Expected Too Much.-"Why,
where's your ring?" said one telephone
girl to another. Aren't you engaged
to Charlie Slow" 81 used to be-" re-
piled the other, "but he insisted on
kissing me through the phone, so I
had to ring f.'-Binghamton Repub-
lican.
--Watts-"What was the decision in
the case of that fellow supposed to be
crazy about baseball?" Potts-"They
concluded to wait until the season is
over. 1t is difficult at this season of
year to distinguish a baseball maniac
from the ordinary crank. "-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
What makes you so late coming to
school this morning?" asked Mr.. Leon
ard, teacher in one of the New York
public schools, to a tardy pupil. "They
arrested a burglar in Fifty-eighth
street, and ma sent me to the station
house to see if it was pa,'' was the re-
at Work.
Why Mr. Calliper Has No Sawmill.-
81 see by the papers, said Mr.. Calliper,
that man in Storkville Center, VT,
offers to bet a sawmill against pair of
shoes that his seven-year-
old boy can open and shut more doors
in half an hour and slam them louder
than any boy of his age east of the Mis-
sissippi river. l should certainly take
that bet for my boy Clarence if 1 had
room on this place to set up a sawmill"
IN. Y. Sun.