The Critic and record., 1891-05-07
TIE CRITIC
EBROED.

the walls and portraits here ana there OF
young men in martial uniform betoken
anything of the military character Of the
place. The hall had been Appropriated
by the exhibitors accompanying the
American Medical Association. Some
what over half hundred responsible
drug houses, with a respectable sprinkling
Of specialists in surgical instruments and
alleged new discoveries in medicine and
health assisting foods and mechanical APP
plianCes are here arrayed in very attrac-
tive shape. The genuine American busi-
ness eloqucnCe of the proprietors and
their representatives is enough to con-
vince one that the curative properties of
the fruits of modern genius are decidedly
real and indisputably eiliCaciUus, while all
this gossip and newspaper narrative of
large proportions of populations being
sick and dying of the grin have been but
the baseless fabric of a vision.
Ignorant layman that | am, | cannot
help being impressed at this late day, as !
was in my early infancy, with the fact
that pills play a conspicuous part in the
battle with the weaknesses of the flesh
They are still the most effective amuni-
ton for conflict with the arch enemy.
Pills drastic and pills persuasive, pellets
pertinacious and pretty particles of minute
sugared doses which gently suggest better
things To the way yward human system.
Another thing as If cows milk and cream
were not n good thing for people, young
and old, very young and very old, the
chemists have gone to projecting with
these Chaste elements of food, and even to
manufacturing pure quality of it, which
they boast is even more nutricious than
that given down by the gracious udders
of motherly bovines. or such are some
Of the exhibits at the American Medical
Association.
Peculiarly interesting it should be re.
marked are the varieties of electrical APP
pliances for exciting the blood and nerves
to efforts of hygienic reform. ! have a
notion these things possess one merit to
start with which it is important to con-
slider. That is the mystery and palpable
ness of the thing excites interest to 50
lively degree that it wakes to new think
ing and feeling the most lethargic of
creatures. The machinery is always as
neat and attractive as it is complicated and
puZzling, and when one of them shoots
its little strokes of lightning through an
indifferent human anatomy, if the sub
iect be not totally stupid, the mind must
invariably conclude there is indeed some
thing in this marvellous power which
human ingenuity may turn to good ac-
count. SO tingling agreeably with the
shock of one of these instruments and
laden with circulars, pills, and curiously
constructed food, ! made my way out of
The labyrinths of the exposition, pausing a
while to mark and ponder over the words
of colored attendant on one of the drug
shows. Don't delay me now" he said
to passing questioner, "My physiog-
nomy can't maintain de conservation OBJ
its Equilibrium whiles you prognosti-
Gates me wild syllogistic materialsms.
Lemme go, got ter go to kill mother pa
tent"
Scene-train from Benning after the
races-dramatis personm-occupants of
| three rear seats, consisting of two "Lun-
non chappie" imitators, two swell girls
| (minus a chaperon) and two race men
| who have wearied of the smoking car.
l.. c. No. l. Lost every blessed pun -
| dye know, on that horse Mirabeau; bet
on name named arfter some fellah that
| existed in the laist century; ugly old boy
| they tell me; nice name; caught me feel
| ing; went a cropper on the cad beaten
by that devil from-ah, what's the towns
| name, dye know?
l.. c. No. 2-Syracuse, a narsty village
in--in the provinces; York, think.
l.. c., No. 1-Ya-a-s.
First S. G.-Gladys, dear, what lovely
gown Madge Burlington wore.
Second S. G.-Much too handsome for
her face and horrid figure. Beatrice, if
tell you something will you promise
never, never to tell any one--mind, not a
soul? It's shocking, really
First S. G. (breathlessly)-Of course
Gladys; do speak quickly.
Second S. G.-Well, you know what
! luck ] had to-day winning 500?
1 First $. G.---Nes.
Second S. G.-Itall resulted from Speak
ing shade lower my yellow stockings
odd garters and (race men and chappieS
get suddenly interested)-oh Beatrice
you'll be shocked at this. You know
have often heard good fortune followed
one when they carried money IN theil
stockings. When left home placed al
my money in my left stocking. When
made bets put the tickets in the same
place. That is why won, dear. Oh, bu
how uncomfortable it is. I'll show yor
how. (rwo L. C. S. faint away, race mer
retreat to the smoking-car,(
Washington
There are many queer and eccentric
characters among the visitors of the Com
missioners of the District. There is only
one, however, against whom the doors o
the District Building are closed. She is
woman. Middle aged, of course One
she was prominent in society.
Her fancy now is that she has immens
claims against the Government and con
trols the destiny of the nation. Formerly
she haunted the offices of the Commis
sioners, telling her sorrows to every on,
she met.
Mandates and orders issued from he
and her comments upon the administra
ton of the government were free.
AS time grew on her visits becam
monotonous, tiresome in fact At las
orders were issued forbidding her entranc
to the building. Just what has become o
her do not know, but think she ough
to be cared for at public expense.
An Ohio Democrat, speaking of the pc
litical outlook in his State, said to-day:
UNLESS our party friends cease iightin
among themselves, Major Mckinley vii
have a clean walkover next fall. At thi
very moment we are hopelessly divided
There is an element in our party, and it
a strong element, too, that will not, unde
any conditions, support Governor Camp
bell for reelection, even if he IS unan
mously renominated. The best thing W
can do is to look to a compromise cand
date, such man as General Anderson q
Judge Yoder. Anderson is good can
paigner, an able man, and would make
splendid race, even with Napoleon Nj
Kinley for an opponent. Judge Yoder
very popular with the masses and is,
anything, even stronger than Anderson
TO win, however, the Democrats mu
present a united front, They cannot d
this with Campbell"
The young man had n three day
growth of beard on his face He was
the Baltimore and Potomac Station pu
chasing ticket for the races
Hello, Jack, said his friend, what
the mstterp'
Nothing" said Jack. "Why do yc
ask ?i
Because, was the reply lin all N
acquaintance with you | never saw yC
. shaver
"To tell the truth, pard, was the r
sponse, 81 am going to take my beard
the races with me. It's the only thiI
| n N, cartai,, 20 hriug bapL Saa oli'