davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19
"A LITTLE NONSENSE.

What Ho Would Do.-Mr. BlnG0-
"Tommy, when you get to be the head
Of family what will you say to your
sons2" Tommy (thoughtfully)-"I will
tell them how good was when was .
boy. IN. Y. Sun.
"A Problem.
This paradox may now be scanned
To puzzle teachers;
Men find Il easy getting tanned
Upon the bleachers.
IN. Y. Press
The Last Rose. sThis reminds me
OF popular song" said Bronson, as he
picked up rose from the floor, after
the guests had departed. "How so2n
inquired Mrs. Bronson at is the Last
Rose OF Some Her. - ostonian.
ITS funny 1 don't get more lot
ters," said the man In Bangor. Me.
Why" said his wife. s,you never write
any" II know that" said he; but all
the letters that come into the city arc
addressed to Me. Boston Budget
mo. no. said the Italian Count
FEET eese no use; have long talk
witha her father. tella heem have
great vista Of possibilities before mo. "
"And what did he say?" He tella me
to pulla down my vista. Washington
Post
-Paternal Wisdom Father Have
you decided what profession you will
enter, my ssR?p Son-sT am deter
mined to be An actor, father Now,
what would you advise me to do2''
Father-s'Go into training with soma
pedee trian. boston Herald.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19
PERSONAL AND lMpERsoNAl.

"A drainage and plumbing bill 81
el50. 900 il large for one individd4l 10
Esettle, but tho Duke OF Portland has
recently completed Improvements Va
that amount
AN English tourist In this country
created surprise. as we'll as amusement
when he asked. upon paying his fare;
Are any refreshments included in
these tickets?"
-Dark-haircd persons have better
|achanee IN the great struggle for exlsts
ence than those OF the opposite com-
plexion. except in contagious diseased
whore blondes are comparatively OK
empt.
Mrs Nicholson. Of New Orleans
who owns and edits tho Picnyune and
who is the only woman in tho country
in such position. IL so quiet, low
voiced and retiring in manner that one
would never suspect her Of holding the
place she filia
-Barbers ON the French steamers ar
irving at New York are said to have
regular patrons among the compatriots.
who visit the steamers upon evory ar
kept trimmed In the ultra fashion Of
the boulevards.
An awful admission Is made IN the
Boston Traveller whom . lady Of that
city is quoted as saying to the wife Of
Cambridge professor: II am sorry to
have to confess 1T but IL Is true, You
know, that when we have any guests at
all distinguished come to Boston, we
have to depend on you Cambridge poo
pie to help us entertain Thorn. !"
Miss Maud Powell, tho violinist is
endeavoring to recover by suit at law.
$500 that she paid for an old sDuiffo
prugcar" instruments She finds shit
says, it is one of kind turned out by
the car load in Southern France espe-
cfatiy for the purpose OF deceivlng buy
ers, and that their market val ne 10
about six dollars dozen. 1t Is aston
ishing what tricks there arc In every
trade except ones own.
"A man from Woonsocket obliged TO
visit Boston ON business. timed his trip
so as to be able to hear Mark Twain
lecture at fremont Temple. BY some
misunderstanding he mistook the day,
and happened in on one Of Rev. Joseph
Cooks lectures. He listened to the
long discourse without discovering his
mistake, thinking all tho time that the
lecturer was the famous humorist On
his return to Woonsocket, his family
questioned him as to the lecture.
."Were 1t funny?" was asked. wall,
slowly replied the traveller; 1T was
funny but it warn't SO desperate fun
nyr'-Exchange.
M Got, the doyen Of the French
Theater, sheds some original light upon
his profession. He says: vYou ask me
II comedian requires intellect in or
der to succeed. None whatever. I
would go even further and say that the
loss intellect he has the better he will
get on. Actors without intellect-and
Heaven knows there are plenty Of them
rush forward without fear full Of
self-reliance, while II they were intel
lectual they would be continually afraid
that their interpretation OF such and
such character was wrong. and, fear
ful OF having made q mistake, would
lose their confidence. Speaking broad
y, therefore, 1t is best that the actor
shonld not be possessed Of great in
tellect Many artists are in exactly
the same position. For my own part
know many sculptors and painters OF
real talent who outside their own line
are as foolish as geese.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19
From nm Old tombstone.

The old Derry churchyari, nine miles
from Harrisburg, Pa, is an interesting
spot Here is an inscription found
there with moss all around 1t:
Under this stone lies entolnbed James
Campbell Duff, you see. Who was as
healthy and as strong as many that may
be. But now by death, whom all de-
yours. is laid up in his cell With
crawling worms and reptiles base, he is
obliged to dwell. You that these lines
may look upon may also call to mind.
That death will be your certain fate,
therefore improve your time. He died
May 81. 177I, about the age Of eighty.
Also Agnes, his second wife. She died
April 5, 1859, about thes age Of fifty"
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19


Yes. sir. the carrier said; i carry
four or five day.
then called the fellow into my Of
nee and told him We had deter mined TO
have the mail Of all Clerks delivered at
the office to tighten the duties Of the
carriers. i then told him that had
four letters for him and handed him the
tmissives ! had received from the post
man. The fellow turned pale and was
on the verge OF fainting when ! asked
MIN TO open and read the letters in my
presence ssss.
with Trembling hands he did SO, and
inside the envelopes, addressed to him
SELL | found four valuable letters add
dressed to big wholesale house. He
broke down and confessed that he had
been stealing for about six months, and
that during that period he had abstract
ed nearly fifteen hundred dollars from
business letters He had spent the
money In gambling.
The hardest case ever had to work
on, broke=in notherinspeetorIstu turned
out TO be no case at all 1t was in
small town In Ohio few months ago.
From this town had come numerous
complaints OF missing mail, valuable
and valueless pieces disappearing regu-
iarly. was sent down TO work the
matter up. worked as hard as could
and failed to detect any guilty person
amongst the several employed In the
Office.
"As dernier resort / deter mined 20
spend one night in the Office. It proved
to be very successful night. Shortly
before midnight heard scratching In
the lower letter boxes and carefully be-
gan 10 investigate. 1opened drawer
and nut jumped big rat watched
him disappear through a hole and then
went home.
"Eext day the floor was torn mp and
in that rats hole we found scraps of pa
per, checks and currency, all used as q
soft, downy bed for the family of rodents.
1t was blessing for the town, as new
post-office was secured at once
zone time" said another inspector,
II was fooled by pair Of high-topped
boots. Many letters had been missing
from the mail trains running between
Cincinnati and New York. By means
OF decoy letters l traced tho robberies
down to a railway mail clerk, but was
unable to catch him in a theft for
long time.
after many letters had disappeared
/ got mad one wet night, and lust as
the clerk stepped from his car l placed
him under arrest The truth Of the
matter was that really had no grounds
ON which to arrest him, so took him to
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19
or GENERAL INTEREST.

Tho microscope shows human hair
to be like q coarse. round rasp with ir-
regular, ragged teeth.
"A German professor recently called
attention to the fact that persons who
eat water-cress consume large assort-
ment Of small insects in so dong.
"A contract has been made at Salon,
Ore, to dig . ditch three miles long for
the drainage OF Lake Labish. by which
means s. 500 acres Of valuable land will
Be Reclaimed ~ ~
Judges ought to be more learned
than witty. moro reverent than plausi-
BILE. and more advised than confident
Above all things integrity is their por-
ton and proper virtue
"A French doctor has recently been
collecting statistics with regard to those
Of his patients who complain OF nervous
affections, with the result that he has
come to the conclusion that the prime
cause Of all the trouble Is the practice
Of reading in the train.
An advertisement has been running
in Bristol. England. paper for the last
year Offering fifty dollars reward for any
we'll authenticated case OF child be
ing carried away by an eagle. no matter
In what country No eagle ever did it.
The many alleged instances must go to
Join William Tell IN Detroit Free Press.
Edward Bellamy's notion Of pub
lie umbrella has been put into opera
ton in new street in one of London''s
suburbs where the sidewalk is sheltered
- ~, s - 10 "is ss ~, ~. ~
cnrh Evarybod1 halls this ;nroya.ion
with da,icbt ana thero q rraat
c,amor to hava ~ 10 axtardad
tbronabont T.ordor
Te. II,
pa... oaas = :. -, 10y sou = sno
IA 1891, 800 |. !, 80 - go : !. W. 80
800. = :. 800 ass;s q - ~ ~ 49, w. 49, -.
- !. -" n - Nv
sa.a Ju1so .n nss sno i W., = 1son
49, - -. s-,.s,-s ,
s. .hd,.a $3.50 Sy - .'uouS a,u
q ., .s" .... =
~ $3.50 asou snan - ~
a~cal,art 49, $1,000
~ 49,. 49,
a.a.a =. ~ aaa - us W.
.1e ~ E - s.a o.on -
mvn 49, n.iu $500. $500. ama.o'as 81 IN
NJ 49, r. 80" ..nDy,a -. sAys ~. ~
.s sm ~ ~ ~ ..y = . .as,s
sam s az f,,,, s Tha "a hS s ~
s.naaat -, ,a.,, .. ~. .,s 80
p.osonu- 80 1pon 70. younso. IN
p s%n . a .n. ..,lnA'
-. ~. -, oaDs $500 49,. - Dos
naa,.s sus - sao 49, III 300 '"J
-. .oo~
looaoiy ivy nunureu newspapers
i $3.50 sn.oh.o.eu snoLsto ~
900 e ~. .s -" $500 80 .ounu -
wy - - 81 M pos - W noa.
.san eo"m wv ~ papols =
&c. .S. ~. - soa a~.sa :. - ~ 20 49,. s.as
sno sso.y 80, D1s - na.oo = iaV Ivy
IT., 49, $500 ~ ~ anp'Aop1u M
~. "s.o nv suen Lon, ~ sun NY np
$780, - ~ -, go ps a az e 49,
s . aoo sno my oal,eu
Iossaas, am aoous w snaaso = p1o-
p III ~ = T.'n 0o1 NY 70
one OF sne s,gn.s worth seeing IN
tseM lorA Wy snss 'ait was group q
aqua'ic p'anes IN pne iouh'a'h pasin IN
mon oquare' mere were sesera,
yarie eies u "a'er my iroin ihu'a anu
Japan one 9, enem o. an e4quisite
PINK coior, ciump 81 egyptian papy,
rus, an Ely Psian noss'ng pians anu
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19
4 sympath.tic Boy.

Mother--What makes You cry that
way?
Johnnie--Our poor teacher has been
sick so long, and-and-
.Whatl Did he dep"
.sNo-no--hes is getting well--boos
hoor'-Texas Siftings.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19
DIsIn,t Msns 4 coustlc l.ropertle..

There, said the dealer, Is q horse !
can recommend; there is not much to
him, TO be sure, but what there Is is
sound "
That's just tho trouble responded
the customer II would prefer little
less sound and q trifie moro substance,s
Lippincotts Magazine
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19

1t Is neither the right thing nor
safe thing on any mans part to remove
his hat in passenger elevator, no
matter how. handsome the woman Is II
doesn't help his case in the least and
the chances are nineteen ont Of twenty
that you get cold In riding three noors
up Just provide yourself with card
on which Is written: Can't run the
risk. you know. Detroit FREQ Presa
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19

DON make 50 much noise. please. =
said the waschman to the serenaders,
''there's doaf-and-dumb asylum o.
this block, and I'm afraid you'll disturb
tue Essepts sHarper'a naxsk Il
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1891-02-19

Its shame, Mrs Moriarty. for your
husband to beat ye 50. +"
well 1t may be . shame, Mrs Nc
earthly, lut ivs none Of your business'*
PUCK
Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-05
THE LFGVSLATURE,

As interesting a session of the Connecti- cut legislature as was ever held will be be- gun day after tomorrow at 10 a. m. After the two branches have organized they will notify each other that they are ready for work. A committee on canvass of votes for state officers will then be appointed. It will consist of one senator and eight rep resentatives. The senator will be a Demo- crat and three of the representatives will be Democrats. This committee will have trouble. The main question before it will be shall the returns be accepted as they now stand, or shall there be an examina- ton of the matters in doubt? It is prob able that majority of the committee will decide to make an examination. If they do two reports will probably be made, the minority report being that Judge Morris is elected governor. Then the senate and house will deal with tii1ese reports, and the indications up to the present time are that they will disagree, and that nobody will
 be declared elected until after long dis cussion and contest, and perhaps not then. Dut "udu WILL hdPpCh SdlluOt OO pIoClSCly foretold, for the situation may soon look clearer than it now does. On the second Tuesday after
 organization voting for United States sen ator must begin. On that day each house is required to vote separately for senator,
 and there must be joint convention of the members of both houses next day,
 when, if both have agreed, the choice is | confirmed, while, if they have not agreed,
 one ballot daily must be taken until they do choose.
 The muddle in which this session of the legislature will begin is a very unfortunate 1 one. Thus far it has been judiciously and 1 carefully dealt with and there is no ap-
 pearance of "bad blood" The people oi
 the State, irrespective of party, want 6 l fair and just settlement of the dispute 1 and they will carefully watch the proceed ings while the lawyers and legislature are struggling. It is altogether probably that the right thing will finally be done.
Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-05
WHO?

gT no sel, s.i.e fa3 sss ..g.i; z T. IsasEs s goods WHO aims 10 sell only ibe best goods WHO thinks more of gaining and keeping GUS toner than of the profit thai may be in the goodss WHO gave all an opportunity of furnishing home on easy terms WHO never took advantage Of opportunity necessity, but hns always dealt with straight and liberal hand to everyone, rich or poor:
 WHO in time of trouble was always willing 10 wait ''till the clouds rolled by - WHO are the agents of ihe Taunton Iron Works Company's Stoves and Ranges-the best made Buy the Quaker Range WHO always keeps a full stock of all kinds of Carpets. WHO has the sole sale Of the Peerless Chamber Suits with Adjustable Mirrors can be changed to l6 different positions-a long de- sired improvement. WHO are always the lookout to get the best of everything for their customers
Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-05
DIR REAMS.

Cobwigger-"What did you do when you came to that part of your dream when all your hopes seemed about to be real izedm Merritt-"Woke up."-Munsey's Weekly.
 Weeks-Well, how are things over in Boston! Have they named any new pie Aristotle" yet? Wentman-No-o. But heard a man there ask for a Plato soup Christian Register.
 "Are you going to make any good reso- iuI1uns tho coming Few 1rsdfs' -s'eEo, 1 intend to make bad ones, and then, as things go by contraries, I cannot help be- ing virtuous. ."-Boston Courier.
 "What!' said the judge, "you here again?' fsYes, your honor. When I think of how kind the prison officials are and how cold the world is, come to the conclusion that it don't pay to be honest" |" -Munseys Weekly.
 ''Three of my cows have stopped giving milk, and four of my customers have doubled their orders," said the milkman fYou appear to be caught short. You will be forced to iquidate," said his son, who was an office boy on Wall street.-Har- per's Bazar.
 where have you been2 Jack-Siek. Sick in bed, with doctor at me most of the time "Pshawl that's too bad But did you smoke that elegant New Years cigar I gave you" "Yes. Doctor said that is what ailed me. ."-Sparks.
 A Salutary Precaution. -"Gentlemen, 7" said the governor, who had been petition ed to extend executive clemency to pris- oner convicted of poisoning her husband, 'sI will pardon this woman, but only on one condition" "And that is-ln ''That she shall not go on the stage."- Life.
 Eminent Specialist-Yes, madam, your husband is suffering from temporary aber ration, due to overwork. The form of his mania is quite common. Wife-Yes; he insists that he is millionaire. Eminent Specialist-And wants to pay me $1,000 for my advice. We'll have to humor him, you know.-Life.
 At the Matrimonial Ofice.-"I am not quite satisfied with the business you have done for me, after all. I married the rich ! wife that you found for me, but the trouble is that she does not give me any of her money" Glow could you have done bettera You have secured not only | rich but discreet wife. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
 Mr. Murphy entered bsrroom and called TOT glass or WHISKY. A1tef urlnk- ing it he said to the barkeeper, "Charge it." 'I don't know you" My name is Murphy" The barkeeper, turning to the proprietor, inquired, 'Is NIT. Murphy good for a drinks" "Has he had itf' 'He has," "He is."-Shoe and Leather Reporter.
 An Unlucky Man.-Bouttown (gloomily) l Talk about luck There isn't an unluck- | fer fellow on the face of the earth than am. Cold, Cash & Co. had the incest sort of vacancy in their establishment, big pay, too, and when I applied for it they seemed favorably impressed. To make sure of the appointment gave the names l of the Hon. MT. Greatman and the Rev. Dr. | Goodman as references. Friend-But both of them are dying. saw it in the paper. Bouttown-Yes, heard it the day before, and that's why I gave their names But consarn my miserable luck! one of them is getting better.-Street 6 Smiths Good
Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-05
What Might Cleopatra Have Looked
 Lfkel

ltrom the spectator.I
 Sarah Bernharlt in her new representa-
 ton of Cleopatra has departed from the traditional idea of the queens physique, and appears with auburn or reddish brown hair. That is probably an innova- tion in the direction of accuracy, the xan-
 thous type certainly existing and being highly admired in Greece, but why does
 not the great actress go q step furtherl She represents Cleopatra as "bronzed, |" her traditional color, but where is the probability of that! Europeans do not | change their color in the east, nor has
 Egypt blackened the Copts; and Cleopatra
 was a pure Greek, descendant of the Heracleide (Ptolemy Soter having been a | son of Philip and heiress of house so | anxious for the purity of its blood that it | disregarded the human law against inces- tuous marriages. The great probability is | that she was very like q modern Pari- | sienne, with an eager, mobile face, not
 beautiful at all in the sculptcr's sense, but
 with a certain magnetic attractiveness in tensely felt by Roman nobles, like Cesar
 and Antony, accustomed to the heavier
 and more apathetic beauty Of their own | caste. The Ptolemies were the most culti- | vated of all the Greek dynasties in the | east, and when a line ends in a woman she | usually reproduces all it's peculiarities.
Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-05
Mcintyre,
 Mcguire
 & to. 9th Annual 9th
 SALE HAMBURGS, And in the face of an in creased tariff we name lower prices and give bet ter values than ever be- fore.
 SALE BEGINS Tuesday Morning.

Everyone familiar with politics knows Hamburg Edging, Insertions, etc., have advanced 20 per ct, making the duty now 60 per cent. To a large ex- tent we anticipated this advance and last July placed an order with the leading "St. GalI'' manu- lecturers for several thou sand pieces at old prices, and in some instances less than old prices, as our stock will show on con- parison. It would be an easy matter for us to real ize the advance in duty; but as has been our GUS tom in the past our aim is to save our patrons as much money as possible, and to always give them better value than they can procure elsewhere. In this instance you save from 20 to 30 per cent. on all Hamburgs bought from us, from now until this shipmens is sold.
 Look in our windows and gaze on the bargains.
 1000 Pieces Hamburg Edgings and Insertions, fine medium and showy pat terms, at only 5c yard.
 1,6OO Pieces Hamburg Edgings and Insertions, fine medium and showy pat terms, at only Sc yard.
 1000 Pieces Hamburg Edgings and fine Nainsook Embroideries, remarkable styles, at only 10c yard.
 1900 Pieces Hamburg Edgings, fine Nainsook and Swiss Embroideries, the grandest and most value ever introduced in this city, at only 12ac yard. 800 Pieces Hamburg Edging Main sock Embroideries, values sold last year at 25 to 33c, at only 19c yard. 500 Pieces choice patterns in Sets and Fine Embroideries, also special lot of 300 pieces Cambric Embroidery, at the unparalleled price 25c yard. 50 Pieces 19 to 22 inch Swiss and Cambric Embroidery at the low price of 15c yard.
 50 Pieces 22 inch Swiss and Cambric and Hemstitched Embroideries. 25 Pieces 45 inch Embroideries, "Hemstitched" Flounees, the greatest bar gain ever shown, at 25c yard. 16 Pieces g inch Fast Black Elm broidered Flounces at only 39c yard. Plain Black to match.
 Pieces 45 inch Fast Black Embroi- dered Flounces, magnificent value, at 50c yard plain Black to match.
Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-05
Indian Cunning.


 c. H. Russell, ,an old resident of Arizona, was at the Palace yesterday. In speaking of the trouble with the Indians he asserted that in his opinion the most intelligent, ,and at the same time the most cunning, of the Western savages are the San Carlos Apa- ches. To them, according to Mir. Russell, is due the invention of the centre-fire car fridge. During the outbreak some eight or nine years ago." he continued, ''their arms were all Winchester rifles of the rim fire pattern, and they soon exhausted their supply of cartridges. They had plenty of powder, bullets and percussion caps, but they were not available for breach loading guns. The cunning rascals had saved their brass shells, and, with surprising ingenui- ty, they altered the hammers of their guns, drilled holes through the center of the shells for the caps, loaded them and used them during the rest of the war. It was discovered when they were captured. They were, believe, the first of the kind in use."
Morning journal and courier., 1891-01-05
CONSERVATION OF CORE.
How a Duel Between Colonel Pat Donan and Colonel Nesbitt Was
 

Averted.
 From the Kansas City Evening Times.l
 The famous duel between Colonel c. J. Nesbitt, the then editor of the Platte City Landmark, and Colonel Pat Donan of Lex ington, which did not occur some fifteen years ago, was an event in Missouri jour naism. How it came about is matter of history, and yet no authentic record has been kept.
 About ten years after the close of the war, and before the present period of tranquility, Colonel c. J. Nesbitt and Ma jor Tom Parke, at present filling a respon- sible position in the office of the secretary of state, were jointly editing and publish ing the Landmark. Colonel Nesb.tt was preparing the editorial matser-aud ably he performed this duty-while Major Parke devoted his executive ability to the business department, looking after the money and swearing to the circulation.
 In the course of his editorial duties Col onel Nesbitt, metaphorically, of course, sfskinnedn Colonel Pat Donan and hung a large sized portion of his epidermis on the fence in front of the Landmark office. where it Haunted in the breeze. Nothing was heard from Colonel Donan for some time after the publication of the article. and Colonel Nesbitt was looking around him for more foes to vanquish, when one eventful day Platte City was thrown into perfect fit of excitement by the receipt of . telegram from Lexington, addressed to no one in particular, but sanguinary