davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12
THE vANlTlEs OF MEN.

A Few sharp Digs from an Observing
WOmMn's PEN
How many generations must we wait
before the vanities of men will disappear
in results? Possibly some of their vani-
ties have gotten into the obscurity of
science, but there are others 80 con-
spicuous that even the Hindoos, or any
other believer in things occult, can find
no veil to subdue the glare. Now, take
the man who forces recognition of his
intelligence by the shape of his hat and
the length of his hair Do you think he
would doubt his ability as q lawyer
being recognized with his hair cut the
regulation length, if he had not dis
covered in some way that his hair had
natural wave and flowing silvery locks
softened the careworn lines ofthe face
There may be loophole for doubt
about the long hair being an insignia of
vanity, or belonging exclusively to high
intelligence, but there is none about the
road-brimmed hat. The broad brimm-
ed hat is vanity's own accompaniment
The man with the long hair--be it
straight or curly, gray, red, brown,
yellow or black, dry as husks or oiled
until it glistens like mirror-discovered
that this style of hat must be worn
or the hair must be sacrificed. So he
wears it and calls it professional"
hat, and says it is so light and SO COM
Portable. And it never becomes uncom-
Portable unless sickness or hot weather
overtakes him, and his intellectual locks
become glory Of the past
Then there is another vanity peculiar
to the substantial no-nonsense sex. It
is their willingness-the willingness Of
some of them-to display large roll of
money. As time goes on and their
vanity developes into some dim hidden
''ism" suppose they will tell us that it
is only men with very little money who
can make the contents of their pockets
conspicuous. But, now, it is no uncom-
mon occurrence to see man take from
the depths of his pocket cumbersome
roll Of bills. He seldom tantalizes the
loolsers-on by holding it SO their eyes
can fall upon the numbers on the bills
unless sometimes it is the outside ono
and it is more than one figure. He
holds it so that envy never gets beyond
the suggestive ends, but finally does
succeed in finding q small bill with
which to pay an obligation of twenty
FIVE cents. The bulky roll, with its in
tentions well carried out, sacrifices COM
fort and convenience to vanity, but they
seem to think duty to themselves
demands it. stood in bank few
days ago and heard a MAJ say: Give
it to me in one dollar bills, please"
The teller counted out twenty-five or
thirty greenbacks, and the man took
another from his pocket, and used it ~
a cover to the small bills He was care
ful not to aggravate any one by allow
ing them glimpse of the figures on the
cover, and Of course it is mean to think
that the outside bill represented any
more wealth than those inside, -Teresa
Dean. in Chicago Herald
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12

nothing further. On the third evening,
however, my wife was suffering from
nervous headache. Overhead the Young
gentleman with the red hair was play
ing that everlasting 'Boulanger March.
People who live in flats have no
right to play the piano until nearly
midnight At the risk of making bad
blood between the two families, l went
upstairs, stated that my wife was sick
and politely requested the proprietor
of the fiat to ask his SON to desist. He
was quite rude about it, and said that
his son was studying music, and had a
perfect right to play day or night FL
nally the fellow almost shut the door
in my face, and ! went downstairs
swearing to myself like pirate. AS
lay in bed that night, couldn't sleep
thinking that the red.haired musician
might be at the bottom of the spook
business.
I'm the morning I got up early, went
down town, hired detective, and
brought him back just in time to be
able to point out my red-haired friend
as he was getting on a street car.
You follow that fellow / said. I
believe he's at the bottom of all this
tomfoolery.' had got so laughed at
the spook theory myself; but Mrs. Hart
well, her sister and the children still
lived in terror, lest repetition of the
hideous sounds should occur. felt
quite exhilarated when l saw my de-
tective jump on the car with the red
headed musician, in order to follow
him down town. He came into my
office at four o'clock in the afternoon,
and saw success written Enthusiastically
on his every feature.
That's the fellow who's playing
ghost, he said. He works for big in
surance company. have found out
he's Dragging to his fellow clerks of
the nice scare he's given you all. He
seems to think it splendid joke. He's
invited two friends of his up tonight
to see the fun, as he calls it. The
spooks viii wall again this evening,
you may bet your boots. Are you very
busy?'
Not particularly
"'Well then, we'll go right up to
your fat at once, and fix this fellow up
q nice, warm reception
Arrived at my fat, the first thing
the detective did was to ask to be
shown the dining-room, and then to re-
quest the loan of a carving knife. !
watched him as he went around thump-
ing on the walls, with looks of sheer
amazement
"'What on earth are you looking for?
81 am looking for speaking tube.
All, here it is. See the handle of the
knife has gone clear through the paper.
1.-The break in the paper was direct
~ over my head. 1t was just the very
spot from which the spook sounds had
issued.
"'But where does the tube lead top ]
inquired.
Never mind that replied the de.
tective. When the spook begins tc
wall the red-headed fellow will be al
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12
PuNcENT PARAGRAPHS.

Most of the literature published
for boys these days Is unhealthy" II
know it, but unhealthy as it is there is
no killing IN. Y. Press.
~ don't know what to do with this
old furniture. don't want it, and yet
/ cant throw It away. Get cheap
truckman to move you. He'll bust it
all to pieces. "-Harper's Bazaar.
could you make d water.color
sketch of me?'' asked Mr.. Soaler. "All
but the nose,h returned Palette. 81
couldn't get that color in water any
more than you could Epoch.
-Customer-'sTell you how you could
sell more strawberries. s'How?"
''Turn the boxes over and fill the other
end. Detroit Free Press.
One for the Complexion.--Cor Otter
ary)-"Let us subscribe for a magazine
between u.s." Dora-'All right" Cora
What one do you propose?" Dora
with glance in the mirror)-"Let's
get powder magazine"
Then He Stopped. -Husband-"T
parts of the body most in use are not
always the largest" Wife-"Don't you
think SOP" Husband-'No. Take your
mouth, for example," Wife-"What
about it?" MISUNDERSTANDING; only
it isn't very large. Yankee Blade
He Had Heard the Lecture Then
when you have finished your lecture"
said the professor of elocutidn and de-
pertinent to young Dulle, show grace
fully and leave the platform on tiptoes. :"
"Why on tiptoes?" queried Dulle. $50
as not to wake the audience" replied
the professor.-N. Y. Sun.
"A Difficult Task. = Dashaway =
Look here, did you go up in my room
last night and take the only clean shirt
had?" Travers-''Yes; had to go to
ball" Dashaway = 'Then there is
only one thing / would like to know.
How in thunder did you get it on over
your nerve?'-Clothier and Furnisher.
Mr.. Bingo crushing in)-"The barn
is burning down. Quick, where Is the
fire extinguisher?'' Mrs. Bingo lex
citedly)-''It's locked up In the closet,
and the key is in the pocket Of my
other dress upstairs" Bingo (resigned)
Then let the barn burn. Cloak Re-
view
"A Summer Gag.-"That malxes me
hot exclaimed an F street real estate
man coming into his Office and slapping
q package of papers on his desk. "What
does?" exclaimed his partner, with more
or less alarm. THAT sunshine out there
on the street." responded the joker
with grin at his partner. Washington
Star:
Something Louder Wanted. -''D6n't
you think it is time for Miranda to learn
to play on one musical instrument,
Edward?'' asked Mrs. sharpe Of her
husband, as the notes of their daugh-
ter's voice floated in from an adjoining
room. "Yes," replied Edward with con-
viction, 81 do; but it should be some
loud instrument. to drown her voice. -
Columbus Press.
Mrs Peppercorn (reading)-"'One Of
the idols most revered by the Japanese
is that represented by the figure of a
woman, seated, resting her chin in her
hand" Mr.. Peppercorn-''very inter
esting, my dear. Proves that the japan.
csc are among the wisest people of the
earth.'' Mrs. P.-"Eow so?' Mr.. p.
(impressively)-"Because they deity q
woman who gives her chin q rest
Pittsburgh Bulletin.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12
OLD SPANISH FAMILIES.
The Social Life of the Pioneers of the
Pacific Coast.

The Social Life of the Pioneers Of the
Pacific Coast.
A multitude of stories of tho social
life of the Spanish period might be told.
Each town on the coast was the center
of the hide and tallow trade for hun
dred miles or more. The low adobe
stores there held piles of costly and
beautiful goods in the days of which
Farnham and Dana wrote--the days
when the great cattle princes came
from their ranches to hold festival
The young cavaliers rode in on fiery
but well-trained and gaily caparisoned
horses, and all the wonderful feats of
horsemanship of as fine race of riders
as the world has ever seen, were per-
formed daily on mesa and sea- beach
and plaza
But the home life of these great fami-
lies was simplicity itself In many a
Spanish house there was no fireplace,
window, or chimney. The fire for cook
ing was built on clay floor, partly
rooted. outside of the main building,
The household ut nsils were tew--a
copper or iron kettle, slab of rock on
which to pound corn or wheat, soap
stone griddle for the tortillas. Dishes,
tableware, and furniture came slowly,
and were of the most simple descrip-
ton. For years a raw hide stretched
on the floor with blanket spread over
1t formed the usual bed in early Cali
fornia
Everything vas kept exquisitely
clean, and though the Spanish families
learned to spend more on their houses
and belongings. they seemed to look
upon such things as only affording OPP
portunities for more generous hospS
tality Century,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12

Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys-
tenn efiectually, dispels colds, head.
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup Of Figs is the
only remedy Of its kind ever pro
duced, pleasing to the taste and 40
ceptable "a the stomach, prompt II
itss action and truly beneficial In IL
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable sdbstahces,, its
many excellent qualities ectamehd i
to all and have made II. the im6st
popular remedy known.
Syrup Of Figs is for lie in 6Oc
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
gista Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro.
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. Do not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA re SKRUP ca
San FRANCISCO. CAL.
loUSNIlE. ~. NEW YORK. MI
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12

nue. and move into new fiat building
on West Monroe street. His family
consists of his wife and three children.
also resides with them.
ut was the last place in the world"
said Mr.. Hartwell, in conversation with
the writer, ''where one would expect
to encounter spooks or ghosts. In the
first place the building was brand
new, and according to tradition no re-
spectacle spook ever attaches himself
to place that has not a record of
ut least twenty years behind it. We
had the middle fat Both under us and
above us the apartments were occu-
pied by respectable people.
THE only possible fault to be found
was that overhead young gentleman
habitually played the Boulanger
March at all hours, sometimes far into
the night. He appeared to be pleased
with the tune and he was what is
known in the musical world as key
thumper. Otherwise all our neighbors
were entirely unobjectionable.
1.-THE very first day we moved in,
however, the fun-if you like to call it
that, though it wasn't-began.
Trouble commenced in the dining
room at nine o'clock that evening. 1t
was very late, owing to moving. before
we sat down to supper. / had been
hauling around furniture and putting
down carpets all day long and was as
hungry as hawk; SO were we all. We
had not yet completed arrangements
with the gas company and the room was
but dimiy lighted by one lamp. The
whole place had a chilly, uncomfortable
air about it. l was just about to help
the children when from the wall, APP
parently just over my head, there is
sued forth the most horrible, uncanny
sound which ever assailed mortal ears.
1t was like the wall of some lost spirit,
rising higher and higher, until from a
degree of ear-spitting intensity it died
away to an unearthly whisper.
What on earth's that?' exclaimed
my wife, as her knife and fork fell rat
ting on her plate from her nerveless
fingers. Little Edie broke out howl
ing, and Jack jumped up AS if struck
by lightning and rushed into a dark
closet The internal noise even woke
the baby In the cradle, who howled dis
mally. My wife's sister turned pale as
q sheet.
II must confess i was somewhat rat
tied myself. However, with a good
deal of coaxing and pobh- pooling, /
got them all back to the table, and we
finished the meal. i caYt say we en-
joycd it. We were MT again dis
turbed that night, and by the morning
the sspook noise, as we dubbed it, had
become rather the subject of Jest than
otherwise.
II was kept late down town that
evening. On my return to the fiat /
found Mrs. Hartwell crying and the
children terror-stricken. They had
had supper at six, and at that meal had
been again disturbed by the ghostly
sounds. Little Edie had been SO badly
frighted that she had been nearly
thrown into commissions. NY wife
threw her arms around my neck and
sobbed bitterly.
oh, John, for goodness sake take
me out of this horrible place
Pooh, pooh, my dear. said, trying
to soothe her. Look at the cost and
trouble of moving. Besides, I've taken
the fat for year >
Again that unearthly sound issued
from the dining-room. l was pretty
well frightened myself this time, but
my rage as looked upon the shrinking
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12
The Soap
that
Cleans
Most
is Lenox.
German
Syrup"


have been a great
Asthma. sufferer from Asth-
ma and severe Colds
every Winter, and last Fall my
friends as well as myself thought
because of my feeble condition, and
great distress from constant cough
ing, and inability to raise any of the
accumulated matter from my lungs,
that my time was close at hand.
When nearly worn out for want of
sleep and rest, a friend recommend
ed me to try thy valuable medicine,
Boschee's German
Gentle Syrup. / am con-
p~s-..hs. fident it saved my
e life. Almost the first
Sleep. dose gave me great
relief and a gentle re-
freshing sleep, such asI had not had
for weeks. Mycough began immedi-
ate1y to loosen and pass away, and
l found myself rapidly gaining in
health and weight. l am pleased
to inform Observation-Disclosures l
am in excellent health and do GER
tainly attribute it to thy Boschee's
German Syrup. c. B. SrIcKNEY,
Picton. Ontario" g
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12

forms of my wife and her sister and
heard the screams of my children over
came my timidity. Irushed into the din
ing-room. The CHASTITY wall, bloodhound
ling in its intensity, was dying away in
hollow cadences- searched every
where for some hole or Granny from
which the noise might have proceeded,
and. finding none, Lit lantern and
went down into the basement, search
ing the coal-bin and every place, in
fact likely to conceal q practical joker.
The most careful searching, however,
failed utterly to throw any light on the
pubject
We dan went hv and wa heard
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12
HOW 70 KEEP GLOVES.


Tne woman About T0Wu Gives Few
Reliable Rules.
A man writes to 1.-THE Woman About
Town" and asks if she wants to make
herself the recipient of 500, 900 worth
of gratitude by telling meu how to
keep from losing their gloves. He says
he can't keep both gloves more than q
day and that his rooms have become a
depository for hundreds Of widowed
gloves, and there seems to be no pros
pect Of his ever doing any better, Well.
The Woman would rather have half the
money than all the gratitude, but here
goes for the gratitude. A good way
not to lose your gloves would be not to
take them OF your hands in the street. A
still better way would be not to wear any
gloves in the street. Still another way
would be, if you do wear them and will
take them of for convenience at times,
to bestow them in some such inconven-
lent place that you viii put them back
on your hands the instant you get q
chance to get rid of them. For in
stance, if you were to cultivate habit
of holding your gloves in your
teeth when they are not on your hands
you would soon learn to replace them
ON your hands This would largely
diminish your chances of losing them.
Or you might extend the chain habit
which at present binds man and 80
many of his belongings together. You
might have = chain fastened to each of
your gloves and to your waistband,
each chain long enough to reach to the
wrist. Then you could pull your gloves
of any instant and know that when YOU
wanted them again they would be
dangling about your heels This might
seem little eccentric. but It would be
safe.
Perhaps the safest way and the most
satisfactory in the long run would be
to cultivate habit Of putting them in
one particular pocket Of your coat a
soon a. they left your hands. BY Civ.
ing your mind to this performance for
week or 80 and never emitting it you
would induce kind of reflex action,
which would Of itself put the hand
holding the gloves into the proper
pocket rs soon as it touched the gloves.
You do that with your watch, Won
KIN ow. You don't forget to put it back
when you take It out.
Cultivate this habit carefully for
awhile until you get the refIex action
fairly set agoing, then your mind could
go on and lesve it Il would take carr
of the gloves IN. Y. Sun.
81 amt going to send any more
money ont tn the heathen eo;d tVs11:-
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1891-09-12

Novel Way of Disposing Of q
Bogus Spook.

DHN Il. HARI-
WELL, a we'll
known South
slider, who is en-
gagged as agent
for the Rock
well & Stanni-
+ ord Stea m
Packing Co m
pany, of New
Y o r k, during
the day, In an
evil hour was
persuaded by a
friend to give
up his comfort
a Bile quarters
IN Wabash ave f.
Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1891-03-26
CONSUMPTION CURED.

An old physician, retired from practice.
having had placed in his hands by an
East India missionary the formula Of O
SIMPLE vegetable remedy for the speedy
and permanent cure Of Consumption.
Bronchitis, Cattarrah, Asthma and al
throat and Lung Affections, also positive
and radical cure for Nervous Debility and
all Nervous Complaints, after having tested
its wonderful curative powers in thousands
OF cases. has felt it his duty to make it
known TO his suffering fellows. Actuated
by this motive and desire to relieve
human suffering, will send free OF charge
to all who desire it. this recipe, in Ger
man. French or English, with full direc-
tions for preparing and using. Sent by
mail by addressing with stamp, naming
this paper. w. A. MOVES, $40 Powers
Block, Rochester, N. Y. Feb 5v1.
Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1891-03-26
DO SOMETHING.

W. II. Mlller's expression at the seed
wheat meeting that we must do some-
thing" was emphatic, if not elegant. The
way to "do something" is to do it. AS
soon as the seed wheat question is dis
posed of, shall we proceed to do some-
thing" or shall we continue to sit here ?
Hand county wants water for irrigation
and stock. The water lies under us in
abuno ance, but it won't come to the sur
face unless,,we "do something" We could
demonstrate what irrigation will do by
using the Miller well water, but not with
out "doing something" In fact II we ac-
complish anything in town or county We
must expect to use persistent effort
adopt Bills sentiment-"shoo or give
up the gun" .....
Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1891-03-26
GREENLEAF.

Willis Doane returned from Pierre last
week. He left his family there until he
locates,
Frank Eaton. who recently went to
Chicago, has finally shaken the dust of
that city from his feet and proceeded on
to Boston, Mass. to join his wife who
went there last fall.
G. W. Galloway left Tuesday for Yank-
ton to take part in the q. A. II. encamp-
ment, also to visit his son Walter who is
attending the Yankton college. From
there he intends to go to Chicago. where
he will resume his former employment in
the Chicago p. o. His family will re-
main a few months on their farm, which
Emil Pearson has rented for the coming
year.
Rev. B. Irons had the misfortune to
sprain his ankle last Sunday so severely
that after services he drove with his fam
lily to the residence of G., w. Galloway,
where he was unable to sit up until the
next day, when he recovered very rapidly.
HFErOR
Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1891-03-26
HOW ELL.

The party at John Costigan's the 10Th
of March was most enjoyable affair all
around. The absorbing amusement OF
the evening was progressive euchre; 1t
is due to John to say that he and his
partner kept well to the front. That fine
organ of his also rolled out the music, and
the fiddle was brought into use and the
chance was improved to shake the foot.
That Mrs. c. is an adept in coffee making
was generally admitted.
Time was taken by the forelock III
township 1867 on Saturday night last.
1t was generally supposed that John Stapp
and Miss Inger Larsen were married the
day before quietly at the Sapp mansion.
So the Hand boys came up with bells,
horns, tin pans, straw burners, etc. TO
give the parties Dakota blow out. The
din was over powering. but our most es-
timab. friend Henry Stapp. politely in
formed the boys that they We're a little
too previous. The boys adjourned the
fun till after the nuptials, March oath,
when the couple were married sure enough
by Rev. Chaplin. Mr.. and Mrs. Chaplin
on the evening of March "A gave the hap
py couple wedding reception at the par
sonage. John has won prize and We
congratulate the happy pair. As all could
not go to the wedding feast, it was deem
ed advisable to have dance in Howell to
celebrate the nuptials ESo one OF the best
dances on record was enjoyed at the old
store building. s,