davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
He Had an Object,

Gentlemen" he said, as he ap-
preached the four of us seated in a
row in the waiting-room, at grinds
me to the soul to be obliged to ask
favors OF strangers, but I've got to do
it right here and now"
"What's your case?" asked the man
on my left, who looked like n Judge.
"Pvc lost n wife and five children. >
"Well?"
"Then my house burned down and [
got no insurance.
"Wel?"
"Then fell out OF tree and broke
my leg, and didn't walk for II year"
"Well?"
Then | sold piece Of real estate
the only property l hNd-and a fellow
robbed me OF every cent"
'Well?"
"Then | got heavy cold, consump-
ton set in, and one OF my lungs is
gone and the other going"
"Well, Pm ragged, poor, hungry
and sick, and want money to buy a
supper and pay for nights lodging.
81 see. You are hard up, indeed.
should think you were tired OF life"
81 have just one object in living"
"And that?"
"When l was q boy, 10 years old
and lived in Vermont stole a water
melon from q farmer. My crime wa!
never discovered, but it has weighed
like lead on my conscience and know
it has FASTENED my end. Iwant to liv,
long enough and collect money enough
to enable me to return to Vermont
20 to that farmers house, and, stand
ing before him, say:
"'Mr. Pritchard, thirty-nine year,
ago. when / was but n giddy boy.
stole a watermelon OF you. ! am sor
nv. Iwant to be forgiven before die
and want to make such PREPARATION
as can. Here is 100000 in gold
take it and buy steamboat and sa.
/ am forgiven
"You are an Internal deadbeat anC
liarl'' roared the Judge as the maj
stood in an attitude of humility, bu
we Clipped in half a dollar apiece ant
sent him away rejoicing. New Yor1
Sun,
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

The Maritime Alps u small depart
ment in Southern France blessed with
an exceptionally mild climate, makes a
specially. of growing flowers, particu-
larly in the winter season. The pro-
duct has become really astonishing.
reaching an annual total of 3,30S, 900
kilograms (nearly 1900, 900 pounds),
having II value of about 10, 900. 00C
francs. This includes 1850, 900 kilo-
grams OF orange blossoms. the CHIEF
crop; 1000, 600 Kilograms of roses
1877, goo Kilograms OF violets; 147.00C
Kilograms of jasmine; "a, 900 Kilograms
of tuberoses; so, 900 Kilograms of jon
quils, and 20, 900 Kilograms of migno
nette.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
THE MAN WHO LIKED AJoKE.

Ills life had bright and cheerful been,
Good fortune on him smiled;
His brow was smooth, his eyes serene,
His temper soft and mild;
No trouble ever came his way
His patience to provoke,
Until he said to friends one day
II like to hear joke"
From that time forth he was a wreck,
His life was dark and sad;
lie lost his peace and sclf-rcspect
And driited to the bad.
And men would point to him and say;
''rhere goes the weary bloke.
With figure bowed and hair so gray
Who likes to hear joke.
For men of every sort and class
Each with his funny tale
Would seize him as he tried to pass
Their humor to unyeil
And so it CHANGED one day, alas!
His heart in anguish broke
They laid beneath the frozen grass
The man who liked a joke.-H. ID. Muir
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
500 Reward. 500.

The readers of this paper will &c
pleased to learn that there is at least
one dreaded disease that science has been
able to cure in all its stages, ana that is
Catarrh. Halls Catarrh Cure is the only
positive cure now known to the med ical
fraternity. Catarrh being constitutional
disease requires a constitutional treatment.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, act
ing directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system, thereby destroying the
foundat on of the disease, and giving the
patient strength by building up the cousti-
tuition and assisting nature in doing its
work. The proprietors have so much faith
in its curative powers that they offer One
Thousand Dollars for any case that it fails
to cure. Send for list of testimonials.
Address f. j. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O.
Ey-S old by Druggists, 75c.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

Advocate "Now, sir, what led TO
the ASSAULT" Plaintiff deaf: eyes,
sir" Advocate Qouder) "What
caused the defendant to assault your
Plaintiff (still deafl-"Har?" Advo-
ate [roaringl: "What made him his
you?" Plaintiff-"Wal, you see,
squire, it was this way; ~ called him
a dad-danged liar. SEE he, If you
don't take that back I'll knock bale
O. hay out of YOU" Advocate
"What ensued?" Plaintiff-"Har?''
Advocate stentorially-"What fol
lowed?" Plaintiff [cheerfullyl-"Also
he done it. "-IIife.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Johnny's Great Head,

Mrs. Quidnune-You must be very
fond OF reading, Johnny; Inever see
you without book.
Johnny-Yes'm.
What are you reading?
don't know, mum.
You don't know?
Nom; lust hold the book, cause
when ma sees me with a book, she
says to pa. "Now don't disturb that
boy; don't you see how he studies?
He'll make q great professor or some
thing; let him alone and go and split
the wood yourself. Boston Courier
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

yow the human system ever RECEIVERS from the
had Effects Of the nauseous medicines often liter
orally poured into 1t for the suppositye relief OF
dyspepsia, liver complaint, constipation, rheuma-
tism and other ailments, 1t is mystery. The
mischief done by bad medicines is scarcely less
than that caused by disease II they who are
weak, bilious, dyspeptic, constipated or rheuma-
tic would oftener be guided by the experience Of
ipyalids who have thoroughly tested Hcstetter's
stomach Bltters, they would in every instance
obtain the speediest aid derivable from rational
medication This medicine is searching and at
the same time thoroughly safe remedy, derived
from vegetable sources, and possessing, in conse-
oucnce Of its basis OF pure spirits properties as
amedcinal stimulant not TO be found in the fiery
local bitters and stimulants often resorted to by
the debilitated dyspeptic and languid.
The minister is temperate man, but he
olwavs responds to "Will you Join us?n
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

The largest Furniture and Carpet house
west of Chicago is located at Omaha, Neb.,
Chas. Shiyerick Il Co., Proprietors. They
have an immense establishment occupying
half block OF fvcstory stores on Farnam
street, and every floor is packed with the
most elegant designs in carpets, draperies,
and the leading novelties in the furniture
line. II YOU con template buying write them
for particulars, prices, etc., or call and see
their goods when YOU visit Omaha, whether
you buy or not. They take pleasure in show
ing PEOPLE through their establishment,
which is equal to any in Chicago.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
IA mere trife that can think ont

"a mere triAe that can think out
at any time. The principal feature Of
my invention is safety net that viii
trail along under the airship to pre-.
vent accidents. twill make navi.
eating the air absolutely free from dan
ger. in the making of that net | have
revolutionized the whole business"
"But how is the net itself to be KEEP,
from falling to the ground when any.
thing happens to your airship?"
"That is the little detail haven
worked ont vet -
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Rough On the Prodigal.

Father Ito prodigal returned from
Chicago)-Oh, my son, how could you
worry us all so?
Prodigal-When we quarrelled ovel
my spending money you told me to &C
to hell. didn't you?
Father-Yes, but didn't tell you tc
go to Chicago. Poor boy!-N. Y. Her
aid.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
The Western Way.

Miss Lula Lakefront-pm rather dis.
appointed in your chimes here. Then
repertory is awfully limited
Miss Murrayhill-I don't under
stand.
Miss Lulu Lakefront-Oh, we like
something lively out west. You should
hear our dear old sexton ringing
Johnny Get Your Gun" It's perfectly
charming.-New York Herald.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

''Now good dige tion wait on appetite, and
health on both.n This natural and happy
condition of the mind and body is brought
about by the timely use of Prcllly Ash Bit
tiers. While not beverage in any sense, it
possesses the wonderful faculty of renewing
to the debilitated system all the elements re-
qured to rebuild and make strong. II you
are troubled with a headache, diseased liver,
kidneys or bowels, give it trial, it Will not
fail you.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Conjugal Reflections.

"Wake up, Martial" exclaimed jim
glepop the other night. 81 hear bur
glarsl"
"Reallyl" retorted his better half,
with great sarcasm. "But you'd bet
ter lie down and go to sleep. With
those ears it's a great wonder, Hiram,
dear, you didn't hear regiment OF an
archists and a gathering ram!"
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Accommodating

Young Wife-John, mother says she
wants to be cremated.
Young Husband-Tell her il she'llput
on her things I'll take her down this
morning Siftings.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
AChance to Rise.

Young Mani see you advertise
vacancy in your establishment. l
should like to have position where
there will be chance to rise.
Merchant-Well, l want a man to
open up and sweep out. You will have
q chance to rise every morning at five
o'clock.-New York Weekly.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Credentials Sufficient.

Young Usher lin fashionable church,
-"Take look at that stranger down
there waiting to be seated. That's a
cheap John suit he has on, isn't it?"
Old Usher latter critical examina.
ton -"No, that's the new style OF
French goods; cost $50, if cent.
Show him to a front pew. Street
q Smiths Good News.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
TO DIsDel Coldx.

Headaches and Fevers, TO cleanse the
system effcctually, vet gently, when
costive or bilious, or when the blood is
impure or sluggish, to permanently
cure habitual constipation, to awaken
the kidneys and liver to healthy ac-
tivity, without irritating or weakening
them, use Syrup of Figs.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

f1cl Il my duty to Inform others Of my
success plating spoons, casters, jewelry, etc.
II iirsl week l cleared S27.50 and in three
weeks so. BY addressing the Lake Electric
&C., nglewood H., you can get circulars.
Six II onths ago ! was poor, now have nice
home and bank account all the product Of SO
'nvt sted in a Platter. A READER,
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
s. August
Flower

How does he feel Pile feels
cranky, and is constantly expert
menting, dieting himself, adopting
strange notions, and changing the
cooking, the dishes, the hours, and
manner of his eating-August
Elower the Remedy.
How doeS-he feel Pile feels at
times a gnawing, voracious, insati-
able appetite, wholly unaccountable,
unnatural and neutrality-suspicious.
Flower the Remedy.
How does he feel Pile feels no
desire to go to the table and a
grunbling, fault-fnding, over-nice-
" about what is set before him when
he is there-August Flower the
Remedy.
How does he feel Pile feels
after a spell of this abnormal appe-
tite an utter adherence, 1oathing,
and detestation Of food as if a
mouthful would kill him-August
Flower the Remedy.
How does he feel Pile has IT.
regular bowels and peculiar stools
August Flower the Remedy. O
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Unlntentionai.

"What did you break the window
for?" asked the court. 81 didn't in
tend to do it, your Honor. Ask the
policeman if l did" "No, sir, corrob-
GRATED the officer; che was throwing
the brick at his wife. "-Philadelphia
Times
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
AM EXTRAORDINARY Clroumstanoe.

Wife Cooking up coldly as her hus-
band enters)-Sir You have been
drinking again!
Husband in an injured tone-My
d-dear, you misshudge mes usual.
Haven't drank a d-drop. Most eX-
t'ror'nary thing ever heard. Barber
washed m head N alc'hol.-West
Shore.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Proof and Punishment One.

Primus-Howard says the phrenol-
ogist he consulted was a fraud.
Secundus-How so?
Primus-He told Howard his bump
of memory was abnormally large, and
vet Howard says he came off and for
got to pay the man his fee.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
LAUGH AND GROW FAT.
A CHOICE COLLECTION OF WIT
AND HUMOR.

The Man Who Liked a Joke--He Had
an Object--A Sensitive Patron
Tempting JuStice--J ohnny'S Great
Head--Also, He Done it.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

IuheR u1ouy
sick headache, bilious headache,
dizziness, constipation, Indigestion,
bilious attacks, and all derange-
ments of the liver, stomach and
bowels. It's large contract, but
the smallest things in the world do
the business-Dr. Pierce's Pleasant
Pellets. They're the smallest, but
the most effective. They go to
work in the right way. They
cleanse and renovate the system
thoroughly-but they do it mildly
and gently. You feel the good
they do but you don't feel
them doing it. AS Liver Pill,
they're unequaled. Sugar coated,
easy to take, and put up in walls,
and Theoretically sealed, and thus
always fresh and reliable. A per
feet vest pocket remedy, in small
walls, and only one necessary for a
laxative or three for cathartic.
They're the cheapest pill you or
buy, because they're guaranteed (
give satisfaction, or your money il
returned.
You only pay for the good 20,
get.
That's the peculiar plan all DIR
Pierce's medicines are sold on
through druggists.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

Dobson-I feel certain that jenkins
is in financial distress.
Noblit-Why?
Dobson-He is beginning to live
very extravagantly.-Epoch.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
THEW We're Dudes.

Editor Western Cyclone-This here
correspondent out on Cowsllin creek
is irwin to swing on airs. In writin'
up a party he says "All the society
dudes was present" Dudesl Yaw!
Foreman-He means that several
NV the fellers was wearin' coats and
one or two had collars on. My broth
er was there an seen 'em.-Munsey' S
Weekly.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
AiiFull.

Applicant-Can get board at your
house, ma'am?
Landlady-No, sir; sorry, but we're
full.
VIII you put me down on your list?
Yes, but that's full just now!"
Isn't it strange that your husband
should have sent me here?
Not at all; he is full, tool"
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

Those who use Dobbins' Electric Soap each
week, land Their name is lceion) save their
clothes and strength, and let the soap DO the
work. Did you ever try iti If not, do so
next Monday sure. Ask your grocer for it,
Blaine has bought SOS, COO house in
Washington
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
One Detail Yet Lacking,

Friend-Gogson, howis your airship
getting along?
Inventor-It is complete with the ex-
ception OF one little detail / have not
vet perfected. l shall take that up
next.
"What is it9"
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
TemptinR Justice,

Judge Erebus-Well, gentlemen erd de
jury, has yer cogerated on the verdict?
Foreman-We hab, ledge.
Wharas it am yo' functions ter
spresserfy de same.
Jesse, jedge! We darfo' perclaims
dat pris'ner am g'ilty er salt on
bat'ry.
Massey on us! Didn't he kill deman?
Suttinly he kilt i'm, 90 honah, but
yo see de remains wuzmo' day ninety.
fl wear OF an could'n last froo dc
season anyway, so we only jus got dc
right ter charge de pris 'ner with suit.
tin percenterum oh de z'ult-Bostor
Courier.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
A Sensitive Partron

you've got a fellow in there that
won't wait on me again, not much, F"
said an irate customer, as he emerged
from the dining room and slapped his
check down before the hotel clerk.
"What's the trouble, sir?" asked the
clerk.
"Tmnot stingy," continued the GUS
toner, and don't mind giving tips,
but when a waiter hangs round when
a fellow is nearly through eating, and
and whistles do Not Forget Me-,
think it is about time something was
DONE"
The offer of a 25-cent cigar seemed
to wonderfully pacify the enraged Gus.
tomer.-Boston Herald.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria,
When she had Children, size gave them Castoria
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

liver coin money is reasonable enough
ut silver bill seems impossible.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
Just as Bad

Brooklyn Mother-Is that one OF
those horrid dime novels you areread-
ing?
Her Little Son-Yes'm.
Mother-Oh, dearl The next thing,
you will be reading the New York pa
pers. Brooklyn Life.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

Tommy-Did you do much fighting
during the war, pa?
Pal did my share of it, Tommy.
Tommy-Dld you make the enemy
run?
Pa-You're right, did, Tommy.
Tommy-Did they catch you, pa?-
Boston Courier
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

] have tried Salvation OIL in my own case
for neuralgia a-d experienced much benefit
from its use. It's very penetrating and al
ways gives relief. j. s. LEWIS,
Manufacturer Boots q Shoes,
81 Fayette ST.. Baltimore, Nd
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19
The Machine and the Maiden,

Brown-These large cabinet ma
chimes take up a great deal OF space. l
wish somebody would invent a type
writer that one could hold on his
knee.
Smith-Pve got one.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

Mistress-"What is that noise?
Have the children come in from
SCHOOL,"
Maid-"No, mum. It's only the
north wing OF tn house tumbling
down. New York Weekly.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

Can anyone tell Just how long n clothes
line is when 1t stretches over one yard.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

The baker always has dough on hand be
cause he kneads it in his business.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

A sailor should always take cat-boat ii
a sluall.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

The dollar M daddies was round, but
square.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

Fire is said to lie good servant, but 1t is
apt TO go out nights ali the same.
For Coughs and throat troubles use
"BRowN's BRONCHIAL TRocnEs. ''-'They
stop an attack of my asthma cough very
promnily. VIZ. EALCII. Miamiylllc Ohio
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

There is produce exchange rumor that
an earthquake has shaken up the coffee
grounds of Java
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

'sWhy so pMs and wan, fond love, Prithee |
why so rae" 'Wcll If the truth must be
told, have the most yillainous cold " sn
ever had.n She only smiled confident and
happy smilc--and brought down her bottle
OF DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

The minister is temperate man, but b,
always responds TO "Will you join us!'
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1891-03-19

w. n. U, Omaha,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-04-28

/ ton of the banker. my friend Choate,"
responded the secretary, wants a little
money to-day, and l told him l would getit
| for him. Here is his note for 81 900, which
! | have Endorsed" Certainly, MIR. Secre-
| tary,n said Mr.. Corcoran, glancing at the
note He could not afford to deny The head
of the administration and the moving
power i1Sthe government anything. 1--WE
| are delighted TO accommodate your friend
with the sum he wants. The money was
counted out in gold. MAKE it two piles"
said Mr. Webster, and it was done. The
secretary deposited one pile into one pocket
the other into into another. Returning to
the department where Choate was waiting
and, emp5ving one pocket before him, he
said: There, Choate, is your money" 1t
| is said that among the popers OF nearly half
a century ago ara the autographs of the
two famous Massachusetts, men who figured
in this transaction, but with no thought of
anything that honorable men might not do.
The note was forgotten by them.
When the present national capitol build
ing was finished dedicatory ceremonies were
appointed for a certain day. Mr.. Webster
was chosen to make the address. When the
day came and the hour was drawing near,
and the people were thronging to the east
porch, from which Mr.. Webster was to
speak, it was discovered that he had not ar
rived Inquiry furnished no clew, and two
q
to his residence, where they found him
asleep on sofa. The servant was disposed
not to allow him to be disturbed, but the
circumstances did not permit delay. Mr..
Webster. the people wait" said they.
"Wha for" growled the great New En-
glander. For you" was the response.
"For me2 Am 1 wanted2 And what
| for" They explained. He seemed
to have forgotten the appoint
ment as it the capitol-the great dome
the capitol Of this nation, that is to be dedi-
Gated this day" he asked. They assured
him that such was the occasion. Then, let
us go to the capitol, " said Mr. Webster.
They drove rapidly to the capitol, no one
speaking a word, and arrived just in time.
! Mr.. Webster gazed for a moment on the
crowd, and proceeded to mount the steps.
He seemed not yet to realize the full mean
ing of the occasion. Approaching the spot
from which he was to speak he was greeted
with loud cheers. Still he was not fully
alive to the reality, for. without removing
his hat, with which he had covered his eyes
while sleeping on the sofa, he began &c
| speak. Soon, as though coming to himself
he removed it, and pronounced an address
| fully equal to the occasion and worthy OF
| Daniel Webster.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-04-28

cold embrace of death. They had robed
themselves with care. had put a bunch Of
white roses between them, had fastened
rubber tubes to the gas burner,
and swallowed two ounces Of laud-
anum, and with the exposed ends
of the tubes close their nostrils, they
went apparently calmly into the sleep Of
death. No adequate motive is given for
this suicide, and these young persons seemed
when they entered the hotel TO be both ra-
tional and healthy.
Wednesday morning a young German,
living in this city, went to the home of his
sweetheart, and after shooting at her thrice,
turned the revolver upon himself and IN a
second was dead. He was a man OF educa-
ton, and early in life the promise Of the fu-
ture was excellent, but he seems to have
been a victim TO drink, and he had been i'll
for two weeks.
These are the most startling Of the TRACE
dies, but there have been at least a DOZEN
murders, or attempts at murder, in addi-
ton to those above mentioned, in this city
and vicinity since last Monday afte rnoon.
IL Is an appalling record; IL it is a coinci-
deuce merely, IL is most amazing aud
shocking one; while, il the theory Of those
who hold that there are climatic influences
which cause epidemics Of violent crime is
suggested there certainly seems sufficient
data to justify belief in the accuracy Of
such conclusions.