The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-03-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Hush money is what the young hus-
band parts with for soothing syrups, etc.
Mercury.
Stealing march is not larceny any
more than firing peddler is arson.Z
PittsburQ Post.
"What 40 you thip71 of Harkins as
talker1" "He is brilliantly dull."-
Chicago NeCs.
The man who is always finding fault
will always assure you that he is never
looking for it.-SomerOile Journal.
Accounting Trustee-"Figures can't
lie, you know, sir" Disappointed Bene-
ficiary-"No, but hirs can figure. -
Teras sJtinqs.
A mule would rather hear himself bray
than to listen to anybody else's music.
A good many people are built like him.
--Ram's Horn.
"I'll Just take off my ova-coat," is
what the young chick said as it broke
the shell and first saw the light of day
Yonkers Statesman.
''He Is a great traveller" "Don't be-
lieve he was ever out of the city" "But
then, see how he wanders in his mind"
Philadelphia Times.
Miss Highmind-"What did you
think of Sig. Travello." Miss Giddy-
girl-"Oh, l thought his mustache was
simply stunning. - Chicago No'os.
She went to Annals wedding,
For to wed was Anna fated,
She had lovely time, of course,
For then twas Anna mated.
-Bufdlo Eppress.
Woman can't throw a stone straight to
save her soul, but she can sit in an easy
chair and enchant a man so that he will
90 and throw it for her.--SomerOale
Journal.
Blimbers-"My barber is really very
talented person" Bjones-'Indeedl"
Blimbers-"Oh, yes; he often illustrates
the stories he tells me with cuts. Dos
ton Post.
Common to New Workers: First
Stranger Gn Boston)-"Is this Boston
Commonl" Second Stranger-"Very.
But you ought to see New York. -
american Grocer.
The Visitor (viewing the new baby
"Don't you think he is going to resem-
BILE his father" The Mother-'I
shouldn't be surprised. He keeps me up
every night. ."-NeU York. Sun.
Prof. Bumptious-'It has been truth
fully remarked that "a little learning is
dangerous thing" Sophomore (sotto
voice)-"Wo if professor realizes the
peril he's inl"-BOstoa Courier,
Amateur Actor-'Well, what did you
think of my modest effort2" Friend
"Superb Simply superb" A. A
"Thank you" Friend-''Considered as
an effort. "-IndiaadpOliS Journal.
"We had some mind-reading at our
party last evening. Johnny had pin
and the new minister tried to find it."
''And did he succeed2' "Oh, yes-he
found it when he sat down. - Chicago
Ne,oS.
"But, Mr.. Finkelstein, why applaud
the play so vigorously when it is so
execrably badl" "That makes no differ
ence to me, my dear fellow. / lent the
author $50 this morning - Hiegende
Blaetter.
"The Government is going to pay
1880, 600 for a ram, remarked the snake
editor. "The animal ought to have Z
fine pedigree to be worth that much,"
replied the agricultural editor.-Pitts-
burg Telegraph.
Globetrotle-"Did you ever travel on
personally conducted tour2" Mr..
Meeker-- - Often. Globetrotle --
"Whom did you have for manager US
ually" Mr.. Meeker-"My wife. -
Ne1o York Weekly.
Husband-"What are you so much in
terested in in that paperl" Wife-"I
was reading one of those articles on how
to get up a cheap dinner" Husband
''Do you want to ruin meF'--AeO Or
leans Iimss-DemOcrdt.
Cholley's father was a Baron in the jolly
isle of Bull,
And the girl he sought TO marry had father
ricn in wool;
Said her father, "Letus test him" and the
Yankee girl said, Lots"
And they said ne was no Baron when they
found he paid his debts,
-Ctieago Ne,rs
Al am in a hideous pickle b
GLOW so2' Al have not got any
thing to eat, and the only thing I've got
to pawn is my false teeth, and if pawa
them and buy something to eat, then |
cant eat it. never was in such q hide
GUS fix in all my life. "-Teras Strings.
Bad Boy getting in a body blow
"Ihere, take thatp Good Boy uolding
his arms with "a meek expression -''No,
Tommy, will not hit YOU back because
l promised mother that would never
strike playmate, but '(kicking him in
the stomacO how do you like tha.!-v'
Aes0 Y0rk Neus.