The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-08-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUM0R OF THE DAY.
Grow bars-Shotguns.
Loose habits-Night robes.
Risen from the ranks-Malaria.
Take things easy-Sneak thieves.
Serves us right--The tipped waiter.
Come high, but we must have them
Taxes.
The work of woodchopper is known
by his axe.
A bald headed mans hair is like fool
and his money.
Never attempt to sit down in chair
that isn't there.
Banker Wales is reported seriously em-
barrassed. Boston Herald.
Poems on "washday" should be called
clothes lines.-DansUae Breeze.
Magistrates have great many fine op-
portunities in Philadelphia Times.
The man who stole the chicken made
a clean breast of it.-Boston Transcript.
A tunnel must be completed before it
can be called under way.-Etnira Ga
eette.
Some mems talent for discovery Is al
together in the line Of fault finding
Boston Courier.
Many men do not smoke, yet there are
but few who object to an occasional puff.
--LotoeU Courier.
1t would not be wise TO suppose that
the floating population lives entirely on
water-StdteSman. ,.
If man tries to be JUS to himself he
will begin to have trouble with his
friends. -Atchison Globe.
A man is willing that woman should
have the last word if only she says
"Yes. "-SomerUille Journal.
Tom--"Do you believe in hero-wor-
ship, JackP" Jack-''No, but 1 do in
heroine worship. - Yankee Blade.
He Was Loaded Judge-"What's the
prisoner charged with" Officer
"Whisky, yer honor. ."-Haroard Lam
pOon.
Mudge-"I'd much rather man called
me a knave than a fool" Yabsley-
"Of course. It's the truth that hurts"
-IRdianapolis Journal.
A Bad Shot: He-'I have never yet
met the woman thought could marry"
She-"No, they are very hard to please,
as a rule. ."-Lje'S Calendar.
They say that have cut a tooth,
But why cannot see,
If they would only heed the truth,
They'd see that IL cut me-
-Hdrper's BdSdr.
"Several important steps quickly
taken" murmured the young man when
the girls father helped him over the
front door SILL Washington Post
"What is unselishness3" asks sub
scriber. "Unselfshness is one of the
rarest qualities in the world to find in
anyone else. "-NetO York Recorder.
Out of the conflicting statements con-
cerning the seasons crops, the only thing
certain is that the hair crop generally
tends to shortness. philadelphia Times.
Mother, may 20 out to swimr'
You do, il you dare, my son:
And then Pll take hickory limb
To dry you, sure as gun"
-Nct0 York journal.
"ls it true that graduate soon for
gets what he has learned at collegel"
"No, sir; it is not. eau play football
just as well now as when | was at Yale"
Puck.
"Who isthat weazened- Hooking little
man with the squeaky voice on the plat
foim9" "That's tho grand supreme die
tator of the Royal Paujandrums. "-St.
Louis Republic.
"What is thatl" said visitor, as the
dogcatcher's wagon went down the
street. "That,' replied the Western
man, ais one of the latest ideas in rabid
transit. - Washington Post.
Miss Fussanfeather-'I like to see a
girl stick to her colors." Young Grim
sonbeak brushing the paint from his
nose)-"So do l; aud like to see her
colors stick to her!"-.Statesman
Mrs. Bondclipper-"Doctor, what do
you think Is the matter with met" Doc
~ am inclined to think your blood
is not pure. I'll have to give you some-
thing to purify your blood" Mrs. Bond
clipper (haughtily)-''You are probably
not aware that | belong to one of the old
Dutch families of New York - Te1as
SgtHgs.
"Cyrus," said his wife, as he came in
wearily and threw himself on the lounge
after an evening downtown, ~ wish you
would let politics alone. The excitement
and worry are just running your health"
"I cant help it, Emily, replied the Al
derman from the S'teeuth Ward. IL am
not in politics for my health. - Chicago
Tribune.
Brobson-"You look all broken up,
old man. What's the matter" Craik-
al called on Miss Pruyn last night, aud
no sooner had | entered the paror than
her mother appeared aud demanded to
know my intentions Brobson-"That
must have been rather embarrassing.
Craik-''Yos, but that was not the
worst. Jus. as the old lady finished
speaking Miss Pruyn shouted down
stairs: Mamma, mamma, he isn't the
one ''-Ae'0 York Sun.