The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-06-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

go Off Washington Star.
Wise medical men do not treat somnam-
bulism as pillow oase.-B0StoH Courier.
A jail-bird has no wings at all, but he
gets there Just the same. e.-Drake's Maga-
zine.
Luck is a good thing to depend upon
if you have no desire to succeed Som
er0iLe Journal.
Why is a defeated candidate like the
earth2 Because he is 1attened at the
polls.-TGras SJtingS.
Judge-"single or married. prison
er sighs deeply) Oh, yes, l see. Mar
ried. Fliegende Blaetter.
Emin Pasha has sent word from Zanzi-
bar that he is about to go to Ujiji, a place
famous for its jays.-Phjladelphia Ledger.
1t is a curious fact that when one is
seized with a consuming passion ones
appetite fails miserably. st. Joseph Ne,cs.
Bismarck has had a birthday and the
Emperor congratulated him by telegraph
on being alive.-Ne1o Orleans Picayune.
There is one business industry that
has some snap to it even in bad times
the whip manufacture.-L0'Ce Courier.
If slander did not hurt its victims
there would be no particular pleasure in
it for the slanderer. -Ne,0 Orleans Picdy-
uHe.
Two Milwaukee dentists have dissolved
after partnership of twenty three years.
They could not pull together any longer.
--StdtesmdR.
First Farmer--''I suppose you heard
about the cyclone over here?" Second
Farmer-"Yes, we got wind of it,
Washington Post.
eporter-"What shall head this
baFgain-counter story" Editor-"Call
it AN Hour in Womans Paradise. ~
Ne,o YORK. Recorder.
The mar who ''feels himself to be diff
ferent from other men" shouldn't t>always
brag about it. Dime-museum freaks are
in the same fix.-Puck.
If you have anything to give, give it
to the "hail fellow, well met" If you
have anything to lend, lend it to some
body else.-DallaS Ne0s.
He's so afraid he won't offend
So long as he confines
Himself to censure he'll pretend
To read between the lines.
Judge
Mistress-"What would you do
Bridget, if you could play the piano as
we'll as cam" Bridget-"Sure, I'd go
on learnin' until could play it dacently."
-Aunseys Weekly.
"'Why, Janet What in the world is
the matter with Fido2" "He's got
severe cold, dear. l think l must have
left his muzzle off too suddenly, you
know. ."-Loadon Judy.
"Do you mean by this" said he,
"that you wish me to cease calling
here9" "Not at all, " said she. Papa
and mamma will always be glad to see
you. n-HaJper'S Bazar.
Babies are so slow in learning to talk
because they have to devote so much of
their time and energy in trying to I'm.
derstand what in the world it is their
mothers say. --S0H1erUiAe Journal.
Son Jack, when young and wild of whin,
could not put a check ON him;
Now, older grown, he is more meek,
And begs me for cheque a week.
Judge.
"Your brother, the dentist, is very
slow and torturing at pulling out teeth"
81 know he is, but you see he's rich
and only follows the business for the
pleasure it gives him. "-Fiiegeaae Blaet.
ter.
'I'd like to know why you hired a
young woman for type-writerl" de-
manded Mrs. Hilow of her husband.
$50 l could have some one to dictate
to" replied the unhappy man. Chicago
Netos.
There is no person IN the world so
selt-conscious as the man who has lust
had his moustacho shaved off, uuless it
be the woman who found out that her
dress doesn't hang even. -Bost0a Tran
script.
(Which one of us do you think the
handsomer!' asked one of the two pretty
girls. sit is impossible for me to COM
pare you," said the diplomatic young
man. "You are both Incompatible. =
Indianapolis Journal.
"Mamma," said a precocious young
ster at the tea table the other evening,
after long and yearning gaze toward
plate of doughnuts, "Mamma, / think
l could stand another one of those fried
holes. '-DraEe's Hagaziae.
Mrs. de Kidd-"If you want name
at once graceful, aristocratic aud unique
for your baby, why don't you have it
copyrighted Authors are entitled 20 a
full right on the titles of their owL
works. - HuHseys Weekly,
In Court: "Have you anything to say
in your defense, prisoner Nothing,
your Honor, except that l made a mis-
take in the number of the house. / did
not at all intend to break into that ,
house. Fliegeads Blletter.
81 hear that Mrs Barlow is disputing
her late husbands will" "Why. /
thought he left everything 20 her. a." 80
he did, but she never let the old man
have his own way. It's a matter OF
principle with her. - Ne0 Yort Sun.
All in the Family; "You can't do any
business with me, said the new settler
to the village doctor. 'I intend 10 be
my own doctor" That's all right, re.
turned the physician 'Lct me intro.
duee you TO my brother the uudertk.
or. '-Aeo York Recorder.