The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1891-01-10
Mosl-- Have to run faster than that or

JaSper--f all, now, WneH you CIV
to trampin' on my heels you'll find your
own feet hyin' mighty peart, can tell
you. have boon hearin' good deal OF
yo braggin' lately and jest want to
tell you that If this was . boastin'
match You would take the blue ribbin'.
Mort don't know about that.
hear that whom you was ovor at Whit
mans mill the other day you lowed that
you would not only beat me, but that
you ought to, as you air the best man in
every way-'lowcd that you could cock
a pistol at me and slSecr me mighty
nigh to death.
Jasper-Who lowed said that?
Mort--Never mind, heard it,
Jaspor--Wall, now. the man that told
you is liar. Understand?
Mort-You'd better not toll him SO.
Jasper--pd tell him or an. ,ody else
SO, and, more than that, I'll tell you
right to yo' teeth that if you believe
it you believe lie, and still farther,
think you would ruther believe lie
than. the truth.
Old Man Featherstone-Come, now,
boys, don't talk that way. We all
thought you was goin' to git along so
we'll in this canvass, and am mighty
sorry to hear you talk like that
Mort-Anybody can get along with
me as long as he acts half way right,
but when man comes a-rubbin' my
fur the wrong way jest for his own fun
and won't quit oven when he sees that
it hurts me, why, won't stand it.
Mort--Now, look here, MI. Tender
ness, want to tell you that don't pro-
pose to put up with you much longer. ]
have stood you for a good while and it
is about time that there was let-up.
Hear me-?
Jasper---I amt very deaf. And now,
rs to the putting up part, WY, you
necdenter put up with me five minutes
longer. You may take yo' own choice
in tho lnatter--put up with mo or not
put up, jest as you see fit.
Mort--Wal], now, when stop puttin'
up with you something will happen to
make you ricolleck it. I'm a quiet
sorter Teller, me, but when a man keeps
on g. shown wy, tho lamb part of mo
iozes off to sleep and the tiger part sud
denly wakes up with it's mouth open.
Jasper--I lznowed that sort OF a fol-
Ter once. He had the lamb part and
the tiger part jest like you've got. and
one day tho lamb part dozed off to sleep,
and the tiger part woke up with its
}nouth open, and shortly afterward the
lamb part was back jumpin' through
the low ground, blatin' every jump,
and with mighty nigh all the wool
scorched often him; and the tiger part
we'll, that evenin' some fellers saw
something layin' side the road. They
went up and examined it, and what do
YOU think they found? I'll tell you
They found some broken claws and a
streaked hide That was SO full ct slashes
and gashes that it wouldn't have held
wheat straw Them broken claws and
that hide once belonged to the tiger
part.
Foatherstone-Come, now, boys, you
have bantered enough. have seen
many banterin' match start out in
fun and wind up with somebody gittin'
hurt. The difference betwixt fools and
wise men is this: Wise men know
when to quit and fools don't; So,
now, boys, jest act like wise men. 1t is
Jest as easy TO be wise as it is to be fool"
ish, with the great advantage that you
never have nothin' to regret when you
have been wise. Come, men, let's git
back over thar and pile up them logs.
T want to git 'em fired befo' another
rain comes.
Mort--~Jest wait awhile, gentlemen.
This Teller here has said things that
won't stand. He has slandered me be-
fore some of the voters of this county
has lied about me on numbers OF oc-
casions, and now he's got to answer fol-
1t.
Jasper---H you say that I have slam
dered you before voters or anybody else,
you are liar.
Mort-That settles it. If you have
all ounce Of pluck, step off there about
ten steps and we will have it out.
The scene was now one of intense ex-
element, Old Featherstone and sever
al other friends attempted to prevent
trouble, but seeing that a fight was
bound to come, stepped back and told
the candidates to fight as brave men
should. Ten steps were counted off,
and it was agreed that the candidates
should fire at the drop Of hat. A
young fellow named Danvers-keen to
the s'sport'' of his hat and hold
ing it up, said: .....
s'If anybody shoots befo' this hat falls
it won't be good for him. 1t has been a
long time since we had any fun in this
here community, and reckon | am a
leetle more honest than the rest of the
fellers when l say that am glad to see
that all the spunk Amt dead yit. Look
out, now!''
The hat struck the ground. Two pis-
toll shots were blended into ore report.
Both men fell dead. Each one had at
tempted to play a villainous trick
Opie p. Read, in Arkansaw Traveller.
Rare Old Sport in Florida
Professor Taidv of PHILADELPHIA the