Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1891-09-18

THE HERALD
BY KREIDLER GUNDERsoN.
wEss,NcroN SPRINGS. SD,
The Presbyterian census shows $685.,
1906 members of the church. Yet one
hereto can make more noise than the
sntire congregation.
TIE steamer Teutonic broke the
transatlantic record again. That REQ
ord is now getting broken about as fire.
quently as the pledge.
Mn MELBoURNE's rain machine is so
utterly failure that people down in
Ohio are said to have ceased laying
money by for rainy day.
The new microbe that has been dis
covered on greenhacks and national
bank notes is far from being the only
parasite that lives on the public
money.
A TOWN in New York State has dis
banded its police force as being super
Huous and idle. Was there no politics
there to furnish the coppers with en-
ployment?
lF the hungry people over the water
will learn more about corn, the hog,
and Boston beans, they can pad in
many vacant spots where the wheat
and rye fail to fill.
LIGHTNING struck church down
South, and knocked down fifteen good
people. while the wicked fellows out
in the shed playing cards were not
touched 1t happened so.
Missouri comes to the front with an
enorm GUS crop Of hickorynuts this
year, and there is no reason why the
editors of Missouri newspapers should
not fatten up considerably before next
spring.
The statement seems Incredible that
Japan has 1000 newspapers. A quar-
ter of century ago they hardly knew
what paper was They are the
brightest people OF their complexion
to be found anywhere.
They say that out in South Dakota
mon who are familiar with the local
customs always stop in at the court
clerks Office on their way to dinner to
see ii their wives have procured a
divorce since breakfast
Mrs. STAGG's biggest on record tar
pom has been mounted and will be ex-
hibied at the Worlds Fair Do the
tarpon fishermen propose thus to per-
NIT woman to carry off the honors in
sight of the nations Of the earth?
The heading of an item in recent
Boston paper is "Ben Butler Alive and
Kicking" OF course, the latter part
of the heading was entirely unneces-
sary. Ben will ALWAYS be kicking
until Death gets him by the collar.
The porter of the Grand Pac ifc
Hotel in Chicago has retired with a
fortune Of 100000 accumulated from
tips given to him by guests of the
house. The men who contributed it
are still struggling to keep the wolf
from the door.
Now THAT most of the nations of the
earth are sending out expeditions in
search of the north pole. it may not be
wholly impertinent to inquire what
they are going to do with it when they
find it. Doubtless it would come handy
in knocking down persimmons, but
wouldn't it be cheaper to shake the
tree?
ANOTHER decrease of fifty cents a
pound in the price of aluminium is an
nounced. and another step is taken
toward the aluminium age when our
boats which do not navigate the air
will go with the speed of railroad trains
on the water. and when moth and rust
will not corrupt so promptly as in the
past.
THERE have been half dozen at
ienpts, within couple of decades, to
expstriate the negroes to Africa, and
somebody is reviving the old chestnut.
The theory is we'll enough, but prac
tica:ly the scheme will not work. The
negro does not want to go. and nobody
would put up the pile to send him il
he did.
A NUMBER of doctors at New Yorl
have been bn He'd in an effort to find
nail swallowed 10y an infant, and have
cnt the little one up considerably il
their search. In all cases of this kind
woman doctor should be employed
Such one would at once give the
child hammer to swallow and thus
drive out the foreign substance
SoalE of our political economists ASK