Idaho news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1887-1891, 1891-02-28
A scheming Wife.

"What do you mean, Uncle Josh?
What would my intended wife scheme
for? Not my wealth, surely"
ooh, that amt what mean. L
| mean sehemin' like your Aunt
Sally"
Uncle Josh heaved a deep sigh and
glanced furtively at the door, as il
in fear of being overheard.
"Now, Uncle Josh, you do not
mean to say marriage has been
failure for you, do your" said John
miscbievously.
"Shl not so loud. / would not have
Sally think l was any ways migrate
full for her efforts, and she surely
makes enough of EN-, but lam awful
tired OF her schemes. First, she must
keep bees, did not want 'em but she
schemed till she got 'em. After she
had 'em | tried to show her little
about managing them, but had not
seen "a bee since | was boy, and Twas
unable to go into society n month
alter the event.
"But you still keep bees, / see"
"Yass, and your Aunt Sally takes
care Of en-. | never go next or
nigh 'em," says Uncle Josh, emphat-
ically.
"Waal. next she takes to poultry.
She near breaks me up buying fancy
breeds; but | did not mind that so
much as the incubator. Some cuss-
Mr.. Edison, | think-invented that
machine, and it's calculated to rob a
hen OF all the Joys OF maternity"
did the incubator cause you much
discomfort, Uncle JOSH"
Ibid it? Sometimes of a winter
night, that woman would be out OF
bed as high as six times tendin' her
blamed chicken machine"
II thought you slept so soundly
you would not mind that, said
John.
81 was generally unconscious when
she got out of bed, but ugh! ] can
yet feel her feet when she came
back"
"Was her venture successful"
SIN a measure, my boy, in a meas
ure. got spinal mena-spinal
something, forget what, caused by
sudden chills. What was that noise,
John?' whispered Uncle Josh, nerv-
ously.
"A cat, | think, " replied John.
/ gsnD ,ratt vnfinn hour nv rinfhaa
ft?" continued Uncle Josh.
81 don't see anything particularly
wrong with them"
"But they feel, John, and / don't
dare say n word about them, not if
my shirts choke me. Sometimes my
pants just reach my boot tops, then
ag'in they trail in the dust"
Fashions change, maybe, said
John. "But why do you hesitate to
tell Aunt Sally how you like them?"
THAT woman gotup the durndest
scheme and took the whole family
into it. What was that? Pm sure
heard some one"
"Rest easy, Uncle Josh, and tell me
of this infamous scheme.
"Waal, that woman came to me
one day smilin' as basket of chips,
and says she, Josh, | sold some
chickens and bought you a splendid
suit of clothes and shirts to go with
Them and she unfolds the buds
Them shirts was all glistening and
the clothes plentifully decorated with
store tags, and | was that innocent
] took it as q matter of course
They fit me beautifully, and ain'i
had any to fit me since. After haC
worn them a month and frequently
explained to the women folks where
in store clothes were superior to home
, made, they holds mass meeting anC
tells me how Sally made then
chothes herself, and Simpkins dowf
, to the store furnished the ting deco
rations while the steam laundry aid
ed her in the deceit about the shirts
| Sally had made confident of all tn
neighbor women and the hired man
Almost everybody knew was bein
hum-bugged. Do you know wha
| her latest scheme is, John?"
: "No; what is it, Uncle?"
, "Writing for the press and making
J me an object of ridicule before tn
world"
How should that make you al
: object of ridicule, Uncle JOSH"
{ "You see for each article she write
: she takes one of my little peculiar
+ ties for her subject, and althoug
) she never mentions my name, yet
!. am readily recognized about here
r Now, if Sally was a loving wife sh
r would not do that. She says If
keep showing new phases OF charat
i ter, she won't have time to make m
t clothes as she will be 80 busy writ
j ing me up"
= An audible smoker interrupted III
). Gle Josh's tale.
q "Another scheme of Sally's," sal
8 he as he slid through the windo
and disappeared in the direction {
the barn in time to evade Sally nm
the girls who had been lending
sympathetic ear through the Ike.