The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-06-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

The auctioneer is a thorough s'go-
ing" man. Washington Post.
A lazy man has to work hard to find
an easy place. RAMS Horn.
1t is the men who pay compliments;
the women pay for them.-Atchtson
Globe.
A good man or good woman with
out tact becomes a terror. Hartford
Tunes.
When the girl breaks a match off
somebody is pretty sure to be fired
Pitts6urg Post.
A reporters living is his commission
on the notes he collects for the public.
-Du Bots Courier.
The distant relative is the one who is
afraid that you are going to borrow So
from him.-Ieras Sttings.
The pussy-willow forces the season,
but she's prudent; she always wears
her furs. Biaaghanaton Republican.
1t is curious fact that when one is
seized with a consuming passion ones
appetite fails miserably.- Joseph
Nes0s.
There is one business industry that
has some snap to it even in dull times
the whip manufacture. = LOWeU
Courier.
The bright lexicon of youth is una
bridged. Nothing is too big for hope to
tackle and climb over.-Neao Orleans
Picayane.
He-"So Jack isn't devoted to Kate
any more. Did they fghtP" She
Yes; they had an engagement
Yale Record.
When the plumber sends in his bill
the dancing and paying the piper is
done by the same person.-Fhttddet-
pltia Times.
If some men had the nine lives of
cat they would waste them in folly and
then have nine death-bed repentances.
N Y. Herald.
When two girls meet they kiss.
When two men meet they don't. This
shows plainly who want kissing
Pottsville Republican.
When fellow has spent half an hour
in dentists outer Office he has had
some experience in bearing wait of
woe.-Bufalo EepreSS.
$50 your miners have wrecked your
property, Mr.. BaronP" Yes. It's my
fault. I didn't starve them long
enough."-M Y Recorder.
The farmer who undertakes to earn
his bread by the sweat of hired mans
brow had better make up his mind to
do without pie.-Ram's Horn.
1t takes us years to learn what little
we do know and twice as long to un-
loz-,, Aho nrraot doal thot xUa think Wa
know, but don't.-N. Y. Herald.
Briggs-''Watts considers his wife a
very superior person." Potts-''Yes;
he takes himself as the standard of
comparison. Indianapolis Journal.
The man who is proud because his
name is not Brown, Smith or Jones
usually has nothing else in the world
to be proud Of SonserUtlIe Journal.
So many young men are promising
young men until the age comes when
they should be fulfilling some of the
promises of their youth. Atchisoe
Globe.
II have tried many ways of getting
ahead" writes a subscriber. Can
you give some advice?' Why don't
you try mixing your drinksP"-M z.
Recorder.
Women do not suffer as much as
they used to in olden times from con-
traction of the chest. just look at the
size of the Saratoga trunks.--IerGs
Stftings.
This may be highly moral Nation,
but honesty must become more prevail
ent before it will be safe to Judge a
man by the umbrella he carries.-N.
y. Recorder.
"Is he really your rival?" ''Yes." "
Great Scott! If l had rival that
looked like that. do you know what
would do?" mo" I'D give up the
girl" ."--Harper's Bazaar.
Bridges-"Do you suppose a mans
evil deeds are written in indelible ink?
Brooks-"I hope So" Bridges
''WhyP" Brooks -''Twon't last over
six weeks."-M. Y. Herald.
'.How did your soiree go off, Mr..
Won Wolle?" ''Simply magnificent
nobody but gentleman of the frs
society. Their clothes were all O.
genuine wool. FIieger'de Blatter.
Studious Jerry Judd asked
Which is the safest, ice yachting OF
summer sailing?' Is that correGP p
Father-''No. He should have said
Which is the more dangerous?"-
Good Neaos.
Jip-I call the policeman wht
promptly arrests a drunkard when he
sees him the right man in the righ
place. Snip-And the drunkard-
would you call him tight man in ;
tight placer
why is it that you write your bill
on rose paper with perfumed en-
velopesp" Because" answered th'
tailor, ''the young fellows will imagine
it's love letter and are sure to opel
t."-F3iege'sde Btatter.
II liked your sermon so much to
day." said the old lady to the clergy
man. ''IndeedPr said he evidentl,
pleased. Yes" she went on; 'it re
minded me so much of one l read whel
was a girl. boston Post.
Tommy-'Whats the difference be
tween an independent and mugwuml
pawp Mr.. Figg-"He's an independ
ent when he agrees with our party AM
mugwump when he agrees with th
other fellows. ."-IadiaraGpolis journal
1t is reported that Yankee has in
vented "a Sa1ety seamless GrouSei
pocket" His glory will be eclipse
only by that man who will invent
trousers pocket which will elude tn
search of the wife after small change.
Cumso (reading)-''A ship which re
Gently sailed for Africa had on boar
seven missionaries and 5000 barrels c
whisky" Mrs. Cumso Indignantly
well, do think they ought to sen
missionaries who don't drink. ~
Y. San.
Mr.. Newbridge-" Flights rich vii
intends to sue him for obtainin
money on false pretenses." Mrs. New
why. how is that?" Nj
Newbridge- He told her he loved he
before she married him. y Wheelin
Pen Pictures.
A Wisconsin man has invented d
vice for making the moon visible whe
it is behind cloud. He now thinl
he has sufficient experience to expeI
ment upon a contrivance for maxim
the stage visible behind theater ha
NJ Y RecO10lp1