The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-12-15
THE SCIENCE OF MANNERS.
A simple Rulc for Uso on All Social Occa-


sionn.
Many good soul gives herself great
uneasiness upon being called into anew
sphere of action, either through in
crease of wealth or through the hus-
bands election to office, or because of
promotion in any way, or on occasion of
visit among those with whom much
social usage has rubbed away corners
and angles, and who know Just what
to do and how TO do it at every point,
and who, she fears, will either be NOR
titled by her ignorance of the lesser de-
tails or will scorn her ignorance, and
herself with it.
But she should take into her view, in
the first place. that anyone who would
scorn her in the least for not knowing
the minor shades Of etiquette is not
worth considering in the least; and that
she is no more to be thought lightly of
for not knowing the details of fashion
able life than fashionable people would
be tloutcd for not knowing the in
tricacics of behavior among the high
Chinese; and that if fashionable people
were to visit her, it is quite as likely as
not that they would show themselves
to be unacQuaintcd with the accepted
proprieties i'll the smaller ways of life
She needs but Ito think of the wran-
Cling and confusion and rcscntmentand
heart-burning which would follow n
country funeral if city person had
come to conduct it without instruction.
in order to sec that every province has
its own satrap and code of laws, and
that after all it is much the case of the
mountain and the mouse in Mr.. Emcr-
sons apologize.
But there is an exceedingly ready
and short way out of every difficulty of
the sort, for if the embarrassed indi-
vidual of whom we speak will take the
trouble to reflect upon the various
dicta of the regulations concerning
which she feels herself uniformed,
and which have seemed to her only a
trap ana pitfall for tho nnwary, She
VIII "oiln 10 the cone .Usiun that none
willingi.v hampur themselves with use
less or capricious rules. which would
only involve their own discomfort, and
that it is therefore to be supposed that
every one of these lesser details has
sprung into being to answer need, to
make things easier, to spare peoples
feelings. preiudices or excrtions That
she must not break an engagement to
dine, let lis say, is not simply because
She must never break any promise but
because doing SO will disarrange
the whole affair, and make awlS-
wardncss and Inconvenience for
those that have been so kind
as to ask her to their table. That on
calling tremendously on one member
Of n household, who is so either tenn
porarily or permanently, she should
leave her card. or ask for the lady who
is the head of the house, even if quite
Indifferent as to whether she sees her
Or not, is not the command of an idle
piece of hypo ;risy, but is to be done
both because the courtesy is due to the
person whose threshold is crossed, and
because il makes the circumstances
easy for the person on whom the call is
really made, avoiding any distur bance
or jealousy. That she may not refuse
an invitation from one and, accept it
from another is not rule for the arbi-
trary curtailmcnt of her liberty and
pleasure. but is one made for the sake
of sparing the sensiblities of the one
whose invitation is not accepted. In
deed, we might go through the whole
list of the things to be done and
not to be done, and although one might
be appalled, by their extent and number
yet, upon searching into them, one
would find that Il single authority con-
troled thcm-thc authority that is be-
hind all good manncrs-thc authority of
the Golden Rule. They are the finest
ladies, they are the gentlemen most
without rcproach, in relation to man
ncrs, whose whole behavior is modelled
only upon the infection of doing to others
what they would have others to do
them. The old Stagirite said-how many
centuries ago.--that manners we're the
lesser morals and our friend who fears
for her etiquette on coming into new
mcritians will meet most of its essen
tial requirements by always remember
ing to do that which would be most
agreeable to others, most dclcately con-
siderate of the feelings, and the least
likely to hurt, or wound, or mortify, or
disgust. IIarper's Bazaar
To Preserve Good Looks,