The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1891-12-09
QUEER POLICE MYSTERY
Strange Goings-on In SUI
perintendent Smiths
Quarters.

Recently something has been going on
at Police Headquarters that is not in
cluded In the manual or the routine
duties of police officials life. There is
room in close proximity to Superin-
tendent Smiths Office that is an object of
much interest and curiosity. Mysterious
noises have been heard at odd intervals
from this closely guarded cha mber that
have caused Colonel Robinson to stop
short in his cycleramic series of war
stories and pallidly appeal to Sergeant
Carroll to find out what In thunder is
causing that Internal racket" Sergeant
Carroll, TOO, has been interrupted in his
duties as telephone editor, and his mind
has been 81 filled with superstitious fore
bod ngs, all on account of the shindies
aforesaid, that he has got to telling ghost
stories.
Many of the attaches of Police Head
quarters have been interviewed on these
singular occurrences, but no two agree
upon the same solution of the mystery.
Colonel Robinson swears up and down
that target practice Is the cause OF 1t all;
while Sergeant Carroll claims that it Is
the result of spirit rappings. Janitor
Solomon says that it must be Rip Van
Winkle who has quilted his abode with
the leprechauns in the Katskills aud has
started bowling alley in this private
apartment which, ordinarily, is used as a
lounging place or retiring room during
off moments by the Superintendent when
he INDUCES in self-communings, or some
more demonstrative cogitations.
THE MYSTERY DEEPENs.
10 deepen the mystery several usually
sedate and urbane citizens have been
seen going into this chamber of horrors
with debonnaire and confident air Of
self-possessiOn, and after brief interval.
during which the bowling alley and tar
get practice have been in full blast,
emerge therefrOm in most woebegOne
and dilapidated condition. as if they had
had time comparable only to that OF the
monkey and the parrot.
IL must also be noted that the Superin-
tendent is invariably present in person
duiing these manifestations, but unlike
the victims aforesaid he never seems to
loose his balance or equanimity. Like
the professors of the manly art he always
t-cumes .smttfugiy co the Scratch." /"
Yesterday a professional gentleman
who calls himself an artist tailor and
wears patent feathers and elk tile,
waltZed into the Superinteldent'S office
with tape in one hand and a goose in
the other to lake some longitudinal and
sectional measurements with n view to
upholsl eringthe Superiptendent's shapely
and with a smile rs broad as his tape
measure he stepped into the private sane
tum in obedience to Il polite invitation on
the part of the mild-mannered Superin-
tendent.
WORSE THAN A BOMB.
Suddenly an awful crash resouDded.
At first it was feared that some miscreant
had thrown a dynamite bone. So
thought the knight of the goose, doubt
less, for never since the days Of John
Gilpin did mortal beat such a precipitae
retreat. The poor man only stopped to
draw breath when he reached Snperin-
tendent Browns office at Fire Headquar-
ters and asked that a general alarm be
sent out. His face was mottled with eX-
citement and his coat was ripped up the
back.
What became of his tape or goose he is
never likely to learn. He is positive thai
the Superintendent's cnest measure Is
something phenomenal.
Somehow these occurrences are con-
nected with set of boxing gloves thnt
the Superintendent has been recommend
ed to practice with between the acts for
the benefit of his health.
certain qundrnplex officeholder won t
go near Police Headquart at all. The
stairs are too steep for rap ransit.
Detective Mcbride. who Is credited with
being quite haniy with his mauleys, is in
his glory He is the trainer-in. chief aud
swears by all the goats in Kerry that the
Superintendent is daisy. What Mcbride
knows about the manly art would fill a
book.
Now, it is told. that club Is about be-
ing organized that bids fair to ouirival in
interest the bi-chloride of gold devotees,
having on its roll of membership the
tailor and his fellow victims who are in
active training under the competent in
structon of the aghting editor of the Po-
lice Gazette. 1t is said also that retired
pugiiisL has been elected an honorary
member of the cluD who will very soou
be sprung upon the Superintendent. The
members request that no flowers be sent
TO the funeral but they are reticent rs to
which of the combatants is to furnish the
wake.