The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-02-05
WIT AND IUMOR.


There would be fewer bank robber-
les if more safes were protected by the
old-fashioned flint locks.-Bafato En-
press
IfDiogenes had lived to-day he would
have solved the honest-man problem
BY buying Il mirror.--hiiacaukee Sen
tinel
There is one very pleasant feature
about a sleigh-ride on a cold highland
that is the arrival home. -Norrtst0Wa
Herald.
When the world is moi ieering at
large faults in small men it is scolding
at small faults in big men.-1iiiua'tSee
Sentinel.
If YOU do man Il favor do not let
him know it, or lie chances are he will
come back for another lift lMiWdU-
Zee Sentinel.
Cumso-''W hat is your idea OF HELP"
Bumso-.A place where yoH can't get
drink although YOU vc got The price.
-NcV YORK; Herdtd.
IIe-'.I feel completely proStrated
| wish | were dead. Shc-''Well,
WHY tOll wa lCl i!Ic SCiib iOi lIC NV
tor" Brooklyn LIE.
A mule would rather hear himself
bray than to listen to anybody else 5
music. \ good many people are bai.t
like him.-R,tm'S Li2rH.
What recherche sort OF affection
you have" said Goodword to the man
with the boil. Such swell gather
ing!'-NeW Ior.5 lIorid
Where does train of thought run
top asked BIoobumper quizzically.
ITO Boston, suppose" replied Mrs.
loobumper. -Hppcr's Bazar.
Between the practical joker and the
savage that skins his victim alive there
is only difference ofenvironment and
education. -Ltdjanap0jiS JoHrAa!.
How is it that YOU call the Hnbers
cousins? Are YOU related?' Only
in a way. Their favorite pug and ours
are full brothers. FYjcge'pte Batter
1t is great fun teaching pretty girl
how TO skate. and the more successful
the teacher is the longer she is in get
ting to be expert. SomercStie J0'U1lat.
A touch of Love makes the most
matter-of-fact man poet, or, what
amounts to the same thing. makes him
think he is Il poet.-Ladianap0!iS Jour-
nal.
1t is said that a Chinaman never
goes crazy. There is 10 reason why
he should. Millinery bills are unknown
in the Flowery Kingdom.-Ie1as SIT
ingS.
Sunday School Teacher-Now. little
boys. what do you know about Coli
ath?n Freddy Fan gle Please. ma am,
lie was rocked to sleep. "-BoStO~ IraU-
eler.
Disappointment first comes in life to
the baby who has IL horn given to him
for a present and then finds he hasn't
wind enough 10 blow it. S0merctltc
Journal.
Mrs. Dix-''Doesn't your husband
suffer terribly from dyspepsia?" Mrs.
Hicks-''N Nothing in comparison with
all the other members of the family"
-Nea0 York SIN.
20, I'm so disappointed! Henry
promised me Il sealskin this winter; but
lie didn't get ii. Il don't wonder you
feel bad. Hone defurrcd maketh the
heart sick. - Puck.
New Reporter hat do the editors
mean by this word fake that they use
all the time?' Old Rep0rter-''Tha
refers 10 the lies in the other papers!n
-Neo0 Tork Ncraid.
Cherub-''Why did YOU let that Lad
man IMP" St. Peter (wearilv) -.'IIe
used to be Il book agent, and either
had to let him in or be bored to death. p"
-NcW Ior& I'eck y.
Examining Lawycr-"Do you know
anything about protesting draft>?'
Candidate-''Weil, | should say SO.
was three years in the newspaper busi-
ness. "-Ierqs Syjtngs.
why don't Won try the faith cure?"
so l did. And how did it work?n
20, successfully" BY Jovel and it
cured your asthma?1 %. no. but it
cured my faitli. Grip.
This marrying of foreigners. I see,
has also got among our men" WHO'S
the party uows" Jones. Somebody
was telling me his wife was regular
Tartar. "-iHjjadetDhip IJncs
Il will bet that woman's a terror
holding her own was remarked at
the reception. What makes Won think
SOP Il never saw one show more
backbone. "-PtUGie|phia Times.
I'D have You know | was well
brought up" exclaimed the small man
to the large disputant. That may be-"
replied tie latter. but YOU were not
brought up far. ''-Hupsr's Bazu.
Hc-"Ddn't you regard the medium
as a very pretty girl? She. Her face
was certainly eomcly enough, but the
shades she called up didn't match her
complexion. "-NcW York. Herald
A genius is IL person whom nature
lets in on the ground floor and whom
circumstances force to live in an attic.
1t is one way genius has of keeping up
in the world.-NctC Orleans Picayl1se.
Your name is Julia?" Yes, your
Honor" Tell me how old You are"
''Twenty-tive, Your Honor ''Soi
Well, now that you have given your
age, we will administer the oath. =
Fuege'ade BtGtter.
Kicker-"Why do you keep Smythe
in your store? He is no good as
clerk" Merchant-''No, he would
hardly do as the head OF department;
but he is ali right as a counter irr-
tant. "-DetrOU Free Press
Wife-''But l must have new Chin
ney-piece." Husband-.'Bu | can't
afford it, Wife-''But | must have
it" Husband-.WeiI get it! We
must have peace whether we can afford
it or not. "-Neto York Herald.
Cautious Customer (who has beard
the high prices charged in retail drug
stores)-''lIow much do yoa charge for
ten cents worth of tooth POWDER"
Drug CIerk-''Fo the best quality,
twenty-five cents. "-1erls SitttRgs.
You don't bring me any buttons
now." said the minister's wife. DO YOU
never find any in the collection basket?"
No, my dear. Since the new tariff
went into operation contributors find
it cheaper TO put in a nickel. The