Morning journal and courier., 1891-03-16
STRAWS.

A drowning man will catch at a straw, especially if he happens to be drowning his sorrows.-New York News.
 The First Law of Gossip.-Mrs. Al heard something about you the other day. Mrs. B.-Is it bad enough to repeat!- Puck.
 Quester-ssOf what denomination was that bill you loaned Skip last week." Jester ''Episcopalian, I think. It seems to keep lent. .''-Boston Courier.
 Agreeable. le.-Boston Hostess-How would you enjoy spending the evening at our Burns club, MT. Overland: Western Guest-First rate. I used to belong to a fire company myself.-Street & Smith s Good News
 Winter visitor Gin Florida)-I should love dearly to go sailing, but it looks very dangerous, Do not people often get drowned in this bay: Waterman-No in deed, num- The sharks never lets any body drowned New York Weekly.
 ''I say, doctor," said nervous patient, ''could you arrange to send your bill every two months instead of monthly:' "Why, certainly; what for!" ''Why, I thought that perhaps might in that way skip re- lapse or two."-Boston Post.
 Mir. Jason-I have half a notion to sell that corner house. I can't make it bring more than six per cent. to save me. Mrs Jason-Why don't you cut the price of it down one half: Then it would bring in twelve per cent-Minneapolis Journal.
 A Disciplined Pair.-West Side Woman-'I've got dog that balances himself on his head at my command. '' That's nothing" retorted the East Side woman: ''I've got q husband whose hair stands straight up when I speak to him. y Milwaukee Sentinel.
 Servant to Hotel Guest in bed-'Are yez the gentleman that wuz to catch the foivetwinty!'
 ''Yes 'Tic1ar 'pointment. Wouldn't | miss't for the world"
 "Ah, thin, yez mays will rist in pace: it's just gaun!'-Judy.
 ''No," said Pertman, q do not pretend | to be in the swim. Still, I have met near ly all of New York's social celebrities" | s'Where, may I ask!' queried Vanleer.
 "Well, as rule." was the suave reply 'at the corner of Broadway and Twenty third t."-New York Herald. Small Boy Gin infant class of Sunday school)-Wasn't Peter and James and Johl fishermen:
 Teacher-They were, Johnny.
 Small Boy-Didnt they use to go round tellin' what they'd caught.
 Teacher-I presume they did sometimes
 Small Boy-Then what do they call en saints fors-Chicago Tribune.
 The captain-Colonel Waxem will b welded tonight, and I am to respond t dhe toast, ''None but the bray, deserve the fair" What the deuce shall says The major-I hardly know how t advise you. After you've seen the bride you'll have to turn your speech into al argument to prove either that Waxen isn't brave or that he isn't getting his de serts Kate Fields Washington.
 Trumped Over Him.-One of the official an estate comes to the owner with som complaint of the peasants and makes S long a story of it that the lord weary wit so much useless talk, asks: ''Why did ill people send you: Had they no clevere man they could send:" 'Oh, yes. my lort they had lots of cleverer men in the villaq than l, but they thought I was clev, enough for you."- -Fliegende Blatter,
 The Captain-Colonel Waxem will | banqueted after his wedding tonight, an I am to respond to the toast, ''None bl the brave deserve the fair" What u deuce shall I say: The Maior-I hard know how to advise you. After you'' seen the bride, you'll have to turn yor speech into an argument to prove eitht ' that Waxem isn't brave that he isI getting his deserts.-Kate Fields Was ington.