Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-04-20


What Odds twixt having and having,
When we have lived out our day,
Let US borrow the children's watchword-
That magical watcwOrd Lets play!''
Betty and the Bear.
In 4 pioneers cabin, out West, so they say,
A great, big, black grizzly bear trotted one day
And seated himself on the hearth AMI began
To la the contents of a two-gallOn paa
OF milk and potatoes-an excellent meal
And then looked about to what he could steal.
The Lord of the mansion awoke from his sleep,
And hearing a racket lie ventured to peep
just out in the kitchen to what there,
And was scared to behold great, grizzly bear!
So he screamed in alarm to his slunbering frou:
There's bar in the kitchen be; a GOVT"
"a what:'' why, bari" "Well, murder him,
them"
ayes, Betty, 1 will, if you ~ first venture in"
So Betty leaped up, and the poker she seized,
While her man shut the door and against il he
squeezed,
As Betty she laid on the grizzly her blows,
Now on his forehead and now his nose;
Her man through the keyhole kept shouting with
in,
"WcI done, my brave Betty, now hit him agin,
Now a rap the ribs now knock on the snout,
Now poke with the poker ana poke his eyes out"
So with rapping and poking poor Betty alone
At last laid Sir Bruin as dead as Il stone.
Now when the old man saw the bear was more,
lie venturcd to poke his out Ofthe door,
And there the grizzly stretched the floor!
Then off to the neghbors he fastened to tell
All the wonderful things that that morning befel
And published the marvellous story afar
How ''ME and my Betty just slaughtered the bari
Oh, yes, come an seel all the neIghbors have said
Come and see what WE did, ME and Betty, WE
did it,
Generally speaking, woman is seldom
silent.
The civil engineer is not monarch of all
he surveys.
A little woman's tdgets are four times
as big as she is.
a.. Kind words never die; unknd words
don't die either.
The decline of literature; the printed
blank that accompanies manuscript.
A Texas miser keeps everything under
lock and key, and even bolts his food.
1t is queer about society; the minute IA
man gets into it he expects to get asked
out.
Ladies seldom hit the nail on the head.
They are more apt to hit the nail on the
finger.
When the self-made men are badly
made they are not pointed to as examples
for boys.
Yes, we are opposed to strikes. We
got opposed to them when we were a
schoolboy.
Ifyou wont anything done, do it your
self-that is, if you can't get somebody
else to do it.
BY the time u man realizes that he is a
fool, it is usually too late to realize on
his realization.
Scissors-g grinders are exceptions TO the
general rule: they are most prosperous
when things are dull.
II is absurd to say that one swallow
does not make spring. Fire stone at
one and see if it doesn't.
When spring comes, the wonderful
things we are going to do will be put off
until cold weather gets here.
A boy who is frequently chastised both
by his mother and grandmother speaks of
them as spanking team"
Sailors are not fond of agricultural i'm
plements usually, but they always well
come the cry Of ''Land-hoe.''
Some men will lose valuable time any
IL OH w n q l.
ways too busy to go to prayer meeting.
When a man tells his acquaintance
that he is sorry he ever got married, it Is
safe to assume that his wife is sorry, too.
y New York auctioneer advertises
For sale. large quantity of oil paintings
by some of the most ancient masters of
the day.
Eve" said Adam, few minutes alter
he had eaten the core. Yes, Adder" 81
believe we are going to have trouble in
our midst"
If you are told that you resemble a
great man say nothing. 1t may be that
the resemblance will cease the moment
you open your mouth.
Watts-Wonder why they always call
a locomotive she? Potts-Maybe it is on
account of the horrible noise it makes
when is tries to whistle.
How old is your boy? He is old enough
now not to be old enough to know that
he don't know some things that he'll
know when he's Il little older.
What iS m nana2
Papa-It is a person, my son, who tells
you about himself those things which you
want to tell him about yourself.
And you are really engaged to young
Charlie bubble? Why he is nothing but
a poor lawyer. Well, he won't be long, if
he pleads every suit as successfully as he
has his own.
A little girl was trying to tell her moth
er how beautifully a Certain lady could
trill in singing, and said: Oh, mamma,
you ought to hear her garge. She does
it so sweetly.
Boy-Say, mister, please give me five
cents worth of castor oil and give me
very short measure, too. Druggist
Short measure? Why? Boy = Cos I've
got To take it.
Mr.. Breezy -"Just on your account,
madam, I've been hiding my light under
a bushel for years. :" Mrs. Breezy 30 |
dearl Extravagant as ever. Why didn't |
you buy pint cup?"
What did they do with Joseph's coat of |
many colors? asked the Sunday school /
teacher. Cut it down and made it over |
for Benjamin, hazarded a pensive little |
boy at the end of the seat.
Little girl (timidly) = please, Mr.. !
Storekeeper L want to get some shoe
strings" Storekeeper -''How long do .
you want them?" Little girl-''I want
them to keep sir, if you please.
A lady wrote to an editor for receipt
for pies and the editor replied that he
would send the receipt soon as he re-
ceived the pies. That is new way to
.