davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1891-07-16
A REGULARITY OF the schoolboy.

"A Fecutlarlty OF tine ScnoOADOy.
A peculiarity Of the schoolboY is to
put things negatively. As for ex-
ample, . boy was asked to write b
short essay on pins by way Of an ex-
ercise in composition, and produced
the following -
Pins are very useful. They have
saved the lives Of a great many men,
women and children-in fact, whole
families. So
How. so I" asked the puzzled in.
spector, on reading this. iJ SCI
/" Why. by not swallowing them,' -
was the immediate reply.
On the same line was the essay of
another schoolboy on the subject Of
salt, which he described as The
stuff that makes potatoes taste bad
when you don't put it on" London
Tit. Bits.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

The trial of George w. Bennett for
the murder of William Scott, which be-
gan April 30, closed last week with a
verdict of guilty of murder in the first
degree, thd punishment to be life inn
prisonmcnt. The crime was committed
Nov. 3 last, and Scott was BENEFITS
second victim, be having fatally shot
John Worbhoff few minutes previ-
ously All through the trial Bennett
has sat in the court room with
his head resting upon his hands,
apparently oblivious of his surround
ings. He put in plea of insanity. 1t
came out in the trial that Bennett was
one of the engineers who took employ
ment on the 20" road during the great
strike and he claimed that ever since
that time railway men have been pur-
suing him, causing him to lose every
situation he obtained by threats to boy
colt his employers. Two or three letters
OF a threatening nature were intro
duced in evidence to show that Ben
nett had been bounded. The defendant
asks another trial. Several OF the juFy
favored hanging.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
An Eypert Oolnlon,

The "Mcdical aud Surgical Journal' for
March, 1891, says cditorially:
This pretty little city of Idaho Springs,
Colorado, Is situated in beautiful park about
q miles from Denver, and is about 800 feet
above sea level. 1t is thrifty, prosperous and
has become noted for its hot and cold mineral
springs. which contain medicinal properties of
extraordinary value. Idaho Springs as a
health resort cannot be cXcclled this side of
the world-rcnowncd Carlsbad Springs Of Ger
many, whose waters and the waters found at
Idaho Springs bear almost an identical chem
ical analysis.
''In the early stages Of consumption these
waters combined with the invigoratng air Of
this beautiful climate, are almost specific.
We take pleasure in recommending
these waters 10 all suffering from
coughs and catarrhal affections
IT is the hest place to go to for the cure of
phthsis. Those OF our colleagues who have
been sending theiI patients to this grand
health resort all join in praising the satisfac-
toy results received from the inyigorating
waters and climate. We would therefore urge
ilysic ans 10 advise their patients threatened
with consumption not TO procrastinate, but to
Try, before il Il too late, the saluaTy effects
OF ths waters Of idaho Springs. The Union
Puc iic arc making s: ctial efforts TO carry the
pubic TO and from this famous resort, with all
the faHdlcrn comfort and case which the tour
1T seeking health AMI pleasure can desire"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

The Mckinley bill has given Won
derfui impetus to the manufacture of
American cigars. 1t is claimed there
has been slight increase in the cost
Of the imported article, but even the
most particular users of the weed it is
said soon become rcconciled to the do
nestle cigar made of pure HAVANA to-
baccO In this connection it is inter-
esting to note that the imported cigars
last year were only 2.23 per cent OF
the amount consumed. This being
the case it is safe 10 assert says the
Buffalo Express, that the men who
pride themselves on always smoking
Imported cigars" seldom know what
they are talking about. Outside OF
New York the number of genuine I'M
ported cigars is wonderfully small.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Vows as Eolnlers.

According 20 statistics, says the jew
lsh World, a largo proportion OF SOL
diers OF all arms in the austro-Hun-
garian regiments who have received
medals and decorations for conspicuous
bravery Oh the battlefield are Jews
"a further striking testimony 20 the
soldicr-lilso qualities of our co-rcligion.
lists is offered by the fact that the only
gold mclal for bravery possessed By
the sixteen different hussar rogimeJtl
adOrns the breast Of Jew, Herr Vol
Bardaah, who has only recently be5n
elevated 10 tho poerage by the en-,
peror."
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
TALE OF A JOKE MAKER.
In Which tho Fublic's Love for Moldy
Chestnuts IL Illustrated


A professional humorist said the
bther day: There is a great truth
about Jokes which both readers and
writer's recognize in practice but do
hot often formulate. 1t is this:
"a good joke improves no less with
Age than does tho wine OF Bordeaux.
Once upon time there was famous
speaker whose tolerably bad lecture
started off and ended with two OF the
most exquisite jokes ever invented.
People Travelled miles and sat patiently
through the same lecture year after
year TO split their sides laughing at
the same old jokes. After the effect
of the Introductory joke had worn OH
there was always a perfect silence I'M
til the lecture was three-quarters done,
when the anticipations OF an audience
which had never been sw,ldled would
begin to break out in gurgling laugh
ter. mods, winks and whispers OF It's
comingn And when at last this we'll
seasoned old chunk Of wit brought the
performance to a close the very roof
was raised.
But one fat0l night there was bad
case Of dyspeptic pessimism in front
scat. 1t is true that whom he roarcd
chestnut at the first joke the audience
nearly mobbod him, but the lecturers
tender spot was touched. He prepared
new lecture which began and ended
with two absolutely fresh jokes.
When the lecturer walked upon the
platform with his new manuscript in
his hand he received an ovation
THE first new joke seemed to stu
pefy, the people. But few sentences
OF the new lecture woke them up, and
they rose as one man and demanded
their money at the box Office. At the
next town the lecturer affixed the old
jokes to the new lecture. and all went
so we'll that he is still cracking them
with constantly increasing success"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

A wclI-dressed old gentleman arrived
in Fort Wayne on the Fort Wayne road
from Warsaw, Ind, and took a carriage
for the Lake Erie e Western depot and
purchased ticket for Muncie, Ind. At
Sheldon, a village ten miles south, he
quietly dropped from the train and 60
ing to the only hotel there was soon in
a room. Next morning he was found
on the floor dead, having committed
suicide by hanging from the bed post.
He had to lean forward to strangle to
death. Not paper could be found to
identify the remains, but in the
trousers pockets was n roll of bills
amounting to SlSs.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
lore of Flowers.

a very pretty idea is carried ont in
London which aims 20 bring about a
love Of plants and flowers among the
poorer classes. a fund is raised out
OF which prizes are paid for the bcs,
display OF window gardening or oil
potted plants, and the scheme has be-
come 50 vocy popular that thousands
OF cottage homes are now beautifie1
by floral effects, and it is no uncom.
mon thing to see window set ou
with plants growing in old teapot.
cans or cigar boxes marked as prizt
winner.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Business for the RoYs.

The publishers OF the CHICAGO SATUR-
DAY PRESS. the Peoples great National
Weekly, want an active, energetic boy
In every town and village TO sell the
SATURDAY PRESS on the streets, and to
act rs local agent. Boys gre making
from S1.00 TO $40. 90 weet selling this
great weekly. Here is chance for the
boys of Arserica who want to make
money. To our boys, 2 cents per copy.
Don't miss the chance. but address,
SATURDAY PRESS Co.,
AT Dearborn St., Chicago, Ill.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Copyright, 1890.

WAath aOzW 1vu ha0e,
sickness, suffering and despair,
or health, strength, and spirit?
You can take your choice.
All chronic diseases and de-
engagements peculiar to women
are permanently cured by DIR.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription.
1t restores the female func-
tons to healthy action. 1t
removes the distractions and
suppressions which cause
trouble and misery. For Pc
riodical pains, internal infam-
nation, liberation and kindred
ailments, it is a positive rem
edy. The system is invig-
Grated, the blood enriched, di-
gestion improved, melancholy
and nervousness dispelled.
It's a legitimate medicine, the
only one that's guaranteed to
give satisfaction in the cure
Of all "female complaints"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
4 considerable shipment of -four (

A considerable shipment of -four to
Brazil has just been made from Gal.
weston, and the banner bourbon STATE
is given its first lesson of the benefits
OF a republican reciprocity Legislation.
When this flour trade becomes more
thoroughly established, rs it will il
the near future, it is likely the demo,
cratic majority in the Lone Star state
will fall below one hundred Thousand
Who knows but that even Texas may
be ultimately redeemed.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Why Jim Was Puzzled.

We have an incubator, also a small colore1
boy to run errands, wash dishes, etc, writes d
Lady in the Philadelp hiaRccorl.
On the arrival Of the former the little
darkv was very curious to know all about it.
lie examined the article thoroughly; then
asked, ''Say, Mss Julie, what fur dat al
tingn'
"Thats for Matching chickens, James,"
explained.
"Fur to hetch chickens! Whar you put de
eggsw
.Tnsidc," answered, ''and the lamp under
meath aud the water make the necessary heat
Ind moisture"
He looked quizzcally at it for an inst9nt,
then asked, "Allss julio, whar YOU put de
hon
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
.ULITICAL READING.
Tin-Plate-Phobia

That well known New York trade
paper, Hardware, in It's issue of last
week replies in conservative and dig
nified spirit TO tho frothings Of tho
New York Evening Post about
''tin plate lies" and suggests that the
facts concerning the manufacture ol
American tin plate be treated rs other
Industrial news, for example news con-
corning axes, cutlery, barbwire and
taclls. 1t says:
When the Evening Post discards
epithets and turns to argument, its
principal contention appears to be that
tin plate cannot be made here at n
profit because iron ore, pig iron, steel
billcts and steel sheets-and we pre-
sumo it would also include labor-are
cheaper in England than here. Sup
pose they are cheaper. Does that pre-
vent us from making rails, saws,
planes, files wires and nails, to say
nothing of the immense use of metal
for buildings and bridges, making our
consumption of iron per capita far
greater than in England? Is all OF
this work done at loss? If not,
why shall not American skill be de-
pended upon TO make some improve
ment on the crude methods which the
WEIGH tin plate makers have chung to
for so many generations? The hope
OF this result is what stimulates such
men as Taylor and Britton and Somers
to stake their reputation for sound
judgment on their efforts to make
American tin plate.
1t will take time to develop new
manufacturing industry, as it would
to open new farm or build rail
road. 1t is hardly sufficient excuse
for denOuncing man as dishonest
that he cannot six months after break
ing ground for tin plate mill, supply
5000 boxes of tin plate from it.
The Evening Post probably would re-
sent being considered u fraudulent
2xterprise because it cannot deliver
to-day its issue Of July 4, 1891.
Hardware is disinterested trade
paper. II WAS at first inclined to be
skeptjcal corccrning the probabilities
of successfully manufacturing tin
plate in this country, but it has in the
spirit of fair mindednesS given the
facts, and these are not acceptable to
such cranky FREQ trade organs as the
New York Evening Post. Huntington
lIawkcyc.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Escnpc Of Prisoners,

The report that prisoners have been and
are constantly escaping from that malignar
Saoler, liver complaint, Is fully corroOoI
stcd by the self-li berated captives Hos
aetters Stomach Bitters are, they say, the
slennS by which they get rid of their letters
sew altogether avoid the bondage of thi.
silment, and few are unacquainted with its
signs, viz: pain through the right side and
shoulder blade. furred tongue, yellowness
OF the eyeballs and skin. sour breath, sicl;
headache, dyspepsia and constipation. Hos
totter's Stomach Bltters puts prompt
period to these, brings them to n full STOP
In short order. Whether the trouble !,
chronic or temporary. this medicine is equal
" effective, regulating tho liver and bowel.
thoroughly. 1t is likewise n sovereign
remedy for rheumatism, kidney complaint.
malaria, heartburn and nervousness.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Fathcr-Whoi is that young man who comes
here 50 much 10 see Clara!
Mother-iiis name is Sparklcr,
FsthCr-ln businessl
Mother-Rcally, 1 90 not know.
Father--Dcn't you know what his position
lsi
Mothcr-I have not learned.
Little Bobby know. | peeked through
the I;pyhpln
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

For the first timc in five years no one
is just now planning to go over Nia-
CARA Falls for an exhibition, and it
really begins to look as II there was =
fool-killer, and that he had set out to
make business hum during the ycar.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Syrup

Martinsville, NJ, Methodist Par
sonage. My acquaintance with.
your remedy, Boschce's German
Syrup, was made about fourteen
years ago, when contracted Cold
which resulted in a Hoarscncss and
a Cough which disabled me from,
filling my pulpit for a number Of
Sabt-ths. After trying a Physician,
without obtaining relief cannot
say now what remedy he prescribed
i saw the advertisement of your
remedy and obtained a bottle. Il
received such quick and permanent
help from it that whenever we have
had Throat or Bronchial troubles
since in our family, BosChee's Ger
man Syrup has been our favorite
remedy and always with favorable
results. I have never hesitatcd to-
report my experience Of its use to
others when / have found them
troubled in like manner" REV.
w. H. HAGGARTY,
of the Newark, New A Safe
Jersey, ME. Confer
ence, April IS, 90. Remedy.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
PboneticaIIy Correct, anyhow. q

A little neighbor girl came 10 us one Cay,
and aid, "Where Is the hang up;" i want
it,
What do you meant" We inquired, puzzled
10 Understand he.
Il want the hing up to swing in,' said
she.
Then we understood she wanted the ham
r,ncl.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Made Ucanccatc.

Buggs-That was a terrible thing about
Wanglc, wasn't it, While his wife was talk
inr 10 The drCssmaker he committed suicide in
the next room.
Griggs-Phaw! Have they found out the
cause!
Bright Is supposed that he heard what
the dressmaker said.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

A sixty-seven foot snake OF IN un,
known species has been captured II
Central Brazil 1t is variaga,cd /.
hue, blue, green and pink predor
hating, has tusks like boar, an.
horn two feet long on It's iogsGea..
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

The logic OF democracy is unalter-
ably opposed 10 everything in the ma
turc of license legislation. If an act
be wrong it should be prohibited, not
licensed: If right it should not be UNI
duly taxed, nor especially hampered
with legislative Interference. "-Des
Moines Leader.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Both Agreed.

Wife-Did you change the dress pattern and
blow the man up for making the mistakei
llusbanG-l had il changed, but the clerk
declared he knew yoa were wrong.
WifC-Wcll, what Ii ] you do about it!
Husband (grimly)-I shook hands with
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
The Last Resort.

Mrs. Wickstaff-My dear, this ribbcn you
have brought home fer Fido is a shade too
light.
Wickstafr-All right. IN try II over.
Mis-. Wickstatf (tne rcxt day)-My dear, Pm
sorry, but the ribho you have b ought home
to- lay Is u shade to Il; rk.
W.ckstaif-Tben wait until t. morrow nd
I'll change the dog.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

HALLS CATARRH CURE is liquid and
blood and mucous srrfgc.s Of the system.
Send for testimonials, free. Sold by Drug
gists. 7jc. T. j. CHENEY & CO., Props,
rDlalp
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Rois, by His Own Petard,

Gillygall-Now, Miss Gwace, if you de-
use;
Miss kCeuc-The heart of any man who can
regularly visit a giIl two years without offering
her a ring
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
= avine iIar ON.

Desre:a-e Customer--W al shall do, face
my W fe without matching tn cloth.
Cerk--l am very sorry, sir, bat We sold the
ta't remnant yesterday
Customer--Then there is but enc thing to
do--invite a friend home to d amer with me.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Morris. Steele & Uindson, tsuccessors 10 Mon.a no
Grain & Produce Coz, Storage and onmission
Merchants and joI sers OF all kinds of PrcdEco
Butter and Eggs Specially. Advances made on
assignments. Correspondence solicited. Helena
Montana r. o. Box 303
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Mr.. Newwcd-Why is it that woman's
watch never keeps COOL time'
Mis-. Newwcd-l guess it's because II good
times to be had the woman don't give the
watch a chance
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

When Baby was sick, VIC gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11
Wanten.

lady for light, pleasant, and profitable
\ employment at her own home. Address, with
stamp, Kimer d Co., South Bend, Ind.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

"Misery lows ON any," No ooner is .
man "hroke" tn n h b. 81 IS to strike his
fiends.
a cure for aldness-dIv orce.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

81 have terrible wait on my mind" re-
magsc the man In the restaurant just after he
hIl ordered his breakfast
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Ii you are playing poker with an ex perienced
dealer you need not get scared until you get a
fODl hand
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

You can't tell anything about a mans re-
lyon by what he docs when he knows he IL
sgatChed.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

II truth lay at the bottom Of a beer glass in
stead Of at the bottom Of a well more would
get 81 IL.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Children and fools, they say, always tell the
truth Others often do when they haven't
ANYTHING to lose By 1t.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Mrs. Wiuslov' ssoothingsyrup for Chill
dren tactailE softcas the gums, reduces inaamma-
sio1 a,Iaya pa!a. cures wind collie. Csc. bottle.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Majors Cement Repairs Broken Articles
ljc and &c. Majors SeSt Liquid Glue l0c.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

EfTS.-AH Fits stopped free by IA. KLISs's GREAT
Serve Hestorer. No FtL after Hrstday use Mar
yIous cures Treatise ard $50 trial bottle free TO
~ cases. Send 20 Dr. KLINE a3I Arch ST, Phla. Pa
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Get n Good Start In business Life
by securing n thorough business educs lion at home
by mail. low rates; Bryants College, Buffalo N. Y.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

"EIausau's Magic Corn salve.o
Warranted To cure, or money refunded. Ask
sour druggist for 1t. Price Is cents
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

To keep fles of bald hcad--keep your hat
on and n pound an a half of boarding house
hitter behind Won
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

Next to rolling of a log the easiest thing to
do is to tell other people how they ought to
bring up their children.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

There are times when forbearance ceases to
be virtue, but never when you aIe bothering
somebody,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1891-06-11

A man never realizes until he has made
fool u himself What lalghterloying world
this Is.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1891-03-21

The Business Mems Association
of Tullahoma has a committee at
work soliciting subscriptions for
canning factory at that place. They
are figuring on a plant that will cost
about $4,000. We hope they will
succeed, as such an institution there
will furnish a market for lots of War.
ren county "truCk."
-Messrs. j. c. Biles, d. F. Wal
lace, w. T, Murray, F. M. Smith, ].
E. Jones, A. r. Hammer and j. M.
Burger, members of the penitentiary
committee appointed by the mass
meeting held here some weeks ago,
spent several days in Nashville this
week working for the passage of the
bill for the removal of the penitentia-
ry to this county. The amendment
fixing Warren county as the site fail
ed in the Senate, but if the Assembly
should pass any law providing for
removal, without fixing a site, we
will still have an opportunity to Sc
cure it, No other county in the state
can offer more natural advantages for
its location than Warren.
An Indiana girl has taken the
prize of 5000 offered by The Cos
mopOlitan Magazine for "the best ar
ticle of 1000 words descriptive of farm
life, with suggestions as to the best
method of making farm life attrac-
tive and happy" only farmers
daughters being permitted to enter
the competition. The design of The
Cosmopolitan was to draw out an
expression of opinion as to the inn
pOrtant problems of happiness and
discomfort on the modern farm, and
it was so successful that more than
200 manuscripts were sent in. The
prize was awarded to Miss Jennie +.
Hooker, of McCutchanville, near
Evansville, Ind. Her article will APP
pear in the April number of The Cos.
mOpClitan, and the same number
will contain very interesting article
on the Farmers Alliance, by the
newly elected United States Senator
PETER, of Kansas. Price % cents,
Cosmopolitan Publishing Company
Madison Square, New York.