The record-union., 1891-05-03
How Our Weather Clerk Was
Thoroughly Cured.
Qufnine Not Nice in Summer Lemon
ades-The sympathetic Cowboy
Another of the Old-Time Justices
of the Peace A Fourth of July
Cigar.
Sergeant Barwick is cured-thoroughly

has fallen into of invariably ordering "a
little of the same, please" when invited
by a friend to take something"
But he's cured now-thoroughly cured.
1t happened thusly: A gentleman with
long whiskers and an attack of the grippe
walked into Fourth-street mixologist's
retreat few evenings ago and ordered
connection of three fingers of whisky and
ten grains of quinine. The jolly weather
clerk was sampling the lunch counter at
the time, but he of the whiskers and
grippe recognized him just the same and,
of course, did the right thing.
The Sergeant smole an expansive
smile. Not thinking for moment that
anything stronger than sarsaparilla and
iron had been ordered, ne promptly sang
his wanted song of little OF the same,
pleaSe,'
Well, there is little more to be told. The
lightning-like change in the Sergeants
facial expression, his grOanS, his writhing
upon the floor, the arrival of the doctor,
the pumping process and all that, had
best not be dwelt upon.
Suffice it to say that he carries his own
bill of fare now. He's cured-thoroughly
cured.
An Eastern theatrical agent, who
passed through the city recently, told a
little story on the cars about an expert
ence his troupe had in an Arizona town.
The hero was on the stage, ranting to
the Queens taste. His lines were some
thing like this: Look, Franz! on yon
hillock stands the murderer of my Evan
geline. He is the villyun who"
At this instant wrought-up cowboy
| sprang out Of his seat, and whipping out
two long revolvers, shouted: ''Show me
the cuss, an if yer think yer can't get
! away with him, podner, jist tell me wich
one NV his eyes yer want me ter shoot
out fust!''
"We read great deal about the anxiety
and scheming Of convicts and prisoners
10 escape" said stenographer Win. Davis
| to a friend, as they rode out on an cleo
| trio car the other day, "but l have be-
come convinced that there are exceptions
| to the rule"
Are you speaking from experience,
! Or"
"Oh, no. no! Nothing like that"
| quickly interrupted Mr.. Davis, blushing.
LET me explain my position. The expe-
rience l would speak of is that of some
body else-it is case that came under
my observation"
$50 ahead.''
"Well, it happened the other day IN
the Superior Court. 4 man was on trial
for crime, and as usual the court took a
recess at noon. None of us noticed that
the prisoner left the room unattended by
a Deputy Sheriff. AS a matter of fact
that officer had gone off and entirely for
gotten about his prisoner. The Judge
was just about to leave the bench, when
to the aStOnishment of all of US, the priS-
Oner walked into the courtroom, and,
addressing the Judge in tremulous
voice, asked what was to become of him.
| The Judge looked at him in amaZement.
Become of your he gasped. why, you
! should be down in Jail locked up The
! prisoner began to weep. That's what
! thought he whimpered, but they've all
! gone oft and left me. l went down to the
Jail but couldn't get in
Then the Judge could not resist grin
ming. In fact all of US, except the pris-
oner, grinned. Two of us We're delegated
as committee by the Judge to intercede
with the Sheriff in the prisoners be-
| half, and after considerable difficulty we
got him admitted to the Jail"
The deacon looked troubled, and when
an acquaintance asked him what was
| bOthering him, he said: well, now,
how do you reconcile this: When a being
! is brought into life he is born; when he
dies he is borne to the tomb; then he goes
to a bourne; and if he isn't born again
he has missed his last chance according to
our pastor"
Deputy Coroner Fenton used to smoke
cigars, but he doesn't now.
His time is taken up exclusively now
in searching for one of the numerous
| John Does, who is described as being a
! thorough villain.
The story is not a very long one, and
the car reporter caught it the other day
i'll one of the red bob-tails. The Deputy
| Coroner, it appears, made a practice of
! nm hoe Tro
| every morning, and these lasted him all
| day, because he didn't give them away.
| He kept them in a little box in the rear of
the mOrgue, so as to always be ''just out'
| when some one of his many friends inn
| portuned him for a smoker.
But the villainous John Doe had to put
| in an appearance on this scene of bliss and
| spoil it. He managed to enlist himself
into the good graces of the handsome
! deputy, and hung around the morgue
until he discovered the cigar hiding place.
! he did not steal them. oh, nO-that was
not enough. But what he did do, was to
put fire-cracker in each of them, and
! then evaporate.
! The explosion occurred while "Fent'
was hotly discussing free trade with an
| other morgue emplOye, and shortly after
! the deputy had fired up for his regular
after-dinner smoke. The scene that fol-
lowed was indescribable, and in Difference
|
not be dilated upon.
But he has bought him brand-new gun,
and has taken a months vacation for no
other purpose than to search for ruthless
John Doe.
Judge Henry's supply of yarns about
early-day courts and justice seems to be
| ineXhaustible. Here is his latest:
1t was way back in the fifties, when
| Pete Smith was the Justice of Injun-foot
| Flat district. a stranger, well-dressed
and soft-looking, had come to town, and
had licked Coyote Dick, one of the gang.
The Marshal had arrested the newcomer
and the next day was set for his trial
Judge Smith took on his most digni-
! fled look, and prepared himself to deal
severely. Here Marshal, bring thel
durn cuss into cot. Coyote Dick orter be
jest ther same we amt agoin' ter allow no
tenderfoot ter come to this here town an
lick our people,
The Marshal brought the prisoner in,
and then siding up to the Judge, whis.
pered: ''Say, Jedge, wen we searched
that tenderfoot he he'd two hoss-pistols on
him."
"Did he? Unite him. He must be
"An' he he'd a big Arizona toothpick
hung onter his 'spenders.'
"Interdoose me ter him. He's a.
AN he he'd derringers in his vest
pockets"
This was too much for his honor. He
left the bench, and rushing over to where
the prisoner stood, grasped his hand and
gave it a hearty shake. II say, podner,'
he said, yer must 'scuse US. Thar's ben
er mistake, and this here cot rules as
how yer case is dismissed. Come am
have suthin with us.''
IT WILL NOT WORK.
| Tho PnoI-SellerS, Gamo To In in1.a Soc.