The record-union. [volume] (Sacramento, Calif.) 1891-1903, 1891-01-25
ON THE CARS.
Experience Of Two Innocent Young
Men with Bad Sportsmen.
Why 1t Is Not Crime to Shoot a Pea
nut Butchel.-Light on the Indian
Question-Oth Stories.
Duck stories are still the tad on the


Duck stories are still the tad on the
cars.
The latest is told on genial Frank Berg
man and his boon companion, Charles
Schwilk. These two innocents, accom-
panied Auditor Mckee, Trustee Wolf,
doc" Tebbets and some others on duck
Strengthening expedition recently. Neither
are crack shots, but they were lucky that
day, and snot quite bagful each.
During the hunt, they wandered away
from the others, and finally brought up at
little pond where several dozen queer
looking birds were padding around joy
fully. Both shotguns went off together,
and they bagged four of the strangers.
What were they?
Well, neither of the young hunters knew;
but theywere satisfied that they had caught
something rare. When the hunt was
over, and all hands were preparing for
the trip homeward, these two innocent
young men exhibited their prizes to the
others.
'Whew! where did you get 'em?''
asked Mr.. Tebbets. ANY more of 'em
around there?"
Yes, lots" replied Frank s'But,n he
added, what are they?"
Auditor Mckee said he thought they
were rare species of duck known as
eating.
Mr.. Wolf said they resembled the IA
mons Eastern ''Sally NfcGanders.o
DR.. Tebbets, who has the reputation of
being a very clever duckologisr, said they
were species known to the technical
world as goodtoedts, and were very tooth
some.
The two innocent young men were very
happy indeed. They gave all their can
yas-backs and widgeon to the others, and
only Kept their prizes. When they got
to town they HE'D themselves to a fash
lonable restaurant, and, sending the
birds in to the cook, prepared themselves
for a feast.
StBut their happiness was short-lived.
The waiter soon returned and told them
that the cook had fired them saw-biIls
out of the window and wouldn't cook
'em.''
Saw-bills!
The young men are not so innocent
now. They armed themselves to the
teeth and went in search of Wolf, Teb-
bets and Mckee, but those worthless had
made good their escape, and have been in
hiding ever since.
tell you, SIR" said the little man
with the sunburnt whiskers and soiled
white stovepipe, Its a popular mistake
that those Sioux Indians are an Ignorant
set OF savages. They know more than
they are generally given credit for.''
That's true, sir,' assented the face
tious young man who sat opposite the
little man. II have often heard it stated
that the Sioux as rule We're well-red
men,"
There is no use talking, now, the
world is retrogressing," said the deacon
vehemently to the little man with the
ancient plug-hat and white chin
whiskers, who sat beside him. Eyes.
sir, there is no doubt of it." continued the
deacon. Murders are being committed
three times day in every big city, in
stead OF once day, as of yore, and every
other branch of crime is on the increase.
The prisons won't hold all of those con
vlcted in the courts, and Heaven knows
only small per cent. of those who COM
init crime have to go to Jail. Why, only
the other day on Dakota railroad train
man purchased cigar from the news
agent, and then lew moments later.
when the boy passed through the car
again, the man pulled revolver and
shot him dead. No cause at all, sir,
and
whats that" interrupted large, cor
pulent man, who sat in front of the dea-
con: Did you say there was no cause for
the killing?"
That's what I said, SIR,
Why, you just said that the man
bought cigar from a peanut butcherp'
Inc deacon apologized profusely. 1t
smoke himself and that accounted for his
ignorance.
The Folsom humorist dropped into
town few evenings ago.
"Whew! I guess I'm getting out of
practice" he said as he glided off the
brake-beam, and began to brush the dust
off his clothes, and stretch his stiffened
limbs. There was time" he contin-
ued to muse, when 1 could stick to a
brake beam parlor chair for a week with
out getting cramped. Iguess-"
"Here-you in town again? Weren't
sacramento? Come along with ME now.
and I'll let you rest awhile in the cooler.n
1t was the ever-yigilant Police Officer
Higgins who spoke.
"AhF' said the Folsom funny man, ST
knew wouldn't be forgotten. How nice
It is for one to feel that he is appreciated.
knew there would be committee to re-
ceive me upon my arrival. Do we go to
the Sutter Club first?'
No, you go direct to jail. What did
you come here for anyway ?n
Why, | came here on the pressing in
vitation of Governor Markham to stop a
few days at his mansion and digest few
champagne dinners with him. Digestion
is my forte, you know. Really, 1 expect
to die testing some day."
The officers. countenance paled. His
myers relaxed their grip upon the Fol-
somite's cOat-collar, and the visitor es
capped into the night. The last bulletin
regarding the officers condition read
thus: pulse, oil; Temperature. 2200. zen
eral condition unchanged Some SLIGHT
hopes are still entertained for his recoy-
cry.
swell, King Calico is dead, amt he.n
said Theatrical Manager Hall, looking
up from his copy of the REcoRD-UNIoN.
Now, don't you know, gentlemen he
continued, "the United States has a
chance now to settle two of its greatest
diihculties-the Indian and the Chinese
questions
"What has that to do with the death of
the Hawaiian King?' asked the car re-
porter.
why, can't you see? Uncle Sam
should buy those islands now. and then
ship all the Indians and Cinnamon over
there-aHu let en- nght 1t out. They
wouldn't bother us any more, you can
bet"
Every day." said the Judge, "I find
inconsistencies in our laws. You would
be surprised to know the magnitude of
some of them. Now it was only last
week that man in Los Angeles was sent
to the penitentiary for twenty years for
surreptitiously taking another mans
name and placing it on bank check.
That was all right but within n few, dove