The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-04-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

mony. He likes to have everything in
keeping Washington Post
He-'Chapley seems to me to be
man of one idea" She-"He is more
fortunate than thoughtE'-
Rugby has," Yes, she is pretty well
made up, isn't she?"-St. Joseph Neacs.
If you wish to be entertaining just
forget yourself long enough to talk to
somebody about himself. Dallas Neaos.
An English publisher announces a
new work entitled He Always Pleased
His Wife," 1t is fction.-M Y. Re-
corder.
The man who continually denies
that he has any special virtues has at
least the virtue of ruth.-Mila0autee
Sentinel.
Mss. Slimdiet-"H Have you lost your
appetite, Mr.. De Boaeder?" De
Boarder-''Ye thank heaven. Good
NeUS.
The faults of our neighbors would
be less conspicuous if our own virtues
were not quite so glaring.
Sentinel.
DIR. Brush-sWould you advise me
to have my picture hung? Easel-tNo,
solitary confinement ought to be suffi-
cient.-M Y. Sun.
when money is a curse" Secundus-
Yes, for instance when you haven't
Brooklyn Life.
Goslin--.If Miss Scadds' face is her
fortune she doesn't rate very high"
Dolley-''H pa value is much above
her face value. IN 7. Sun.
Men can be found who are willing to
go to Africa as missionaries who are
not willing to take care of cross
baby for the tired wife for half an hour.
-Rdna's Horn.
If it were not for the confessions of
reformed sinners many people would
never have any idea of how much fun
there is in this wicked world. Indian
Gp0LiS Journal.
He-''Tell me what you think of my
last poemp | want to finish it, as /
have other irons in the fire." She-'1
should withdraw the irons and insert
the poem. life.
Cabbage Co ancient mendicanD-
You ought not be begging at your
age" Mendicant-"O bless your
heart, began when l was a great
many years younger. ."-Epoch.
How is your friend doing out in
Helena?" 20, he's carrying every
thing before him." Good; what
business is he inPn Hes waiter in
restaurant" st. Paul Globe.
Diner-out (to hostess) -"Ah, Madam,
am late, but you know the adage,
Better late than never" Hostess
Yes, I know it, but l never thought
very well of iti''-M Y. Herald.
Jones Cat the anniversary dinner)-
.tWhat's the matter with Mr.. CLANCY?
He hasn't touched his dinner. Brown
-s.Sh-h! He's just been put down to
respond to toast."-M Y. Recorder.
The Rev. Poundly-"Did you ever
reflect, my dear young friend. on the
vanity of richesP" Mr.. Poorcus-
MANY time, sir; it is remarkable
how vain they make people. IN T.
Herald.
whats this report about Smithers
sending an internal machine to you,
Bronson?" 'It's perfectly true. He
sent it to my boy. It's music-box
that plays White Wings. Nh Y
Herald.
There's one thing" remarked
Deacon Faithful. with irritation, ''that
they have forgotten to include in the
Hymnal for the benefit of some people
who come to church, and that is a
lullaby."-N. Y. Herald.
II have just heard that my family
physician is dead. just think! he was
scarcely thirty years old" Then l
must say that 1 don't see how you can
have any confidence in physician who
dies so early. Fliegende Btatter.
Mrs Boggs-'Y l am widow
for the second time in my life." Miss
Jagg-''And will you marry again?"
Mrs. Roggs-.'Well, I'm considering
whether it would be wise for me to be
so foolish. ."-Binghanlton Leader.
Riding Master of Cavalry You
will not accept me! Well, 1 cannot
make myself other than am to please
you. But beg of you, do me at least
one favor. and do not marry-one of
the infantry. ."-FEiegende Btatter.
II have always taken pleasure in
your presence, she said, as they were
parting as friends and nothing more.
II beg your pardon" he said, reflect
lively, "but would you mind spelling
that last word?'- Washington Post.
Winter Visitor Gin Florida) ii
should love dearly to go sailing, but it
looks very dangerous. Do not people
often get drowned in this bay?" Water
man-.No, indeed, mum. The sharks
never lets anybody drown."-M T.
Weekly.
Cautious Investor-''But is the man
agement of the P. c. and Q. r. r.
economical?n Broker-''1 should say
sol Why, they buy all their rails in
winter and lay them in summer, when
the heat expands them about quarter
of an inch. .n-Harper's Ba@ar.
How do you deal with your political
offenders here?" asked the foreigner
who had come over for enlightenment
on our economic methods. CO.. said
the American statesman, abstractedly,
I'VE use regular poker deck. What
do you useP"3St. Joseph Nea0s.
Store -"Anything more for me
to do now, sir?" Merchant-'Let's
see. The backbone of winter is broken,
and it's about time for the sap to be-
gin running in the maple trees. Get a
damp cloth and wipe the tiyspecks of
those cans of maple sirup."-M. Y.
Weekly.
Miss Doem-''Papa says all must be
at an end between us. Hiram" Hiram
--s'Why. what have doneP What's the
matter?" Miss Doem-"Papa has be-
come rich" Hiram 'Richp Why,
heard he had failed" Miss Doem-
''Yes that's how he has become rich. u
Cope Cod Item.
These money-grabbers," said Bo'
hemian A. disgust me. Look at old
Gotrox. He would imperil his SOU
for so cents why shouldn't hep
asked Bohemian B. on whom Mr..
Gotrox held chattel mortgage" The
investment would be we'll worth the
risk. Indianapolis Journal.
At dance the other evening 6
bright young man and just bright
enough young woman stood up tC
begin the military schottische. ''How
shall we dance this. as the servants de
~ lilo fho oapfrvp1i bo aSEad fooa