davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
EccIe.InsticaI liam.

Teacher-What are the names of the
seven days of the week?
Boy-Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
That's only SIX days. You have
missed one. When does your mother
go to church,"
-When pa buys her new hat. Tex
as SiftinpS.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31

Little Fanny Ito her twin sister)-
Mr. Smith kissed Aunt Flora last night.
I heard her say So
Mamma (overhearing)-Come to me
instantly, Fanny. What do you mean
by telling such a story?
Fanny (stoutly)-Wen, I heard auntie
say she had something from Mr.. Smiths
own lips, and what else could 1t have
been?-Harper's Bazaar.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Ono Less, ANYWAY.

Henry" she whispered, why don't
you say something?"
because" he answered, between his
teeth, 81 have Just swallowed a mos
quito, and don't want him to escape. -
,Iulpp
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31

Theorizer-I can't understand il, I
really can't Here you left a comfort
able home in Europe and came To this
country because you wanted to be your
own landlord. yet you settle right down
here ia big city and pay more rent for
n dingy slum cellar than you paid in
Europe for your whole farm. Why
don't you go west, where you can get
land for nothing, or else go back to
your pastoral home in Europe?
New Arrival-The west is too far TO
walk, and Europe is too far to SWIM
Good News
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
At the Opera.

She-How charming dear mamma
looks tonight in the ballet. And grand
mamma in the pink tights on the end
seems real giddy. She is flirting des-
perately with that young English swell
In the left box.
He-Why, that is Swaggers- He told
me tonight that he was about to eaops
with ballet girl.-Life.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
A Fcathered Alarmist.

"Mr. Carter, I'm most afeard we
won't wake up at four in the mornin',
so I've had Kitridge bring up our ole
rooster t tie t the leg o yer bed. He
ginerally begins t crow bout that time
in the mornin', ans purity sure t wake
up folks wot hain't used { hearin' i'm"
-Harper's Bazaar.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
4 Candid ANoMaI.

Algie-What an unromantic girl Miss
Choteau Isl She shocked me terribly
last night.
Charlie-Indeed, How was that?
Algie-At parting l asked her for a
little kiss, and she said that she came
from st. Louis and her mouth wasn't
built for little llisses.-Munsey's Week
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
An OGset.

He-Gcraldine, you do not love me.
She-Have broken our engagement?
He-No; but you wore Capt. Farrar's
flowers tonight instead of mine.
She-But yesterday | ate your bon
bons first.-Judge.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31

things. And here / have such a good
home, and father and mother and
brothers and sisters; and Willie is GO
ing to get well-don't you think so,
mother?"
eyes, dear. | think so. "
'And then, mother, I've been count
ing up my blessings. l used to feel SO
about my big red hands, and there's
poor Johnny Brown with no hands at
ALL What a great thing it is to be
sound and strong and well, every one
Of US, but Willie. l wonder l never
thought of it before! None of us are
lame or deformed- or blind-inst think
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Positive Proof.

Returned Explorer Don't you believe
my statement that l reached the north
pole?
Scientist-Not without further proof.
Explorer-Well, here is positive proof.
This block of wood is n part of the pole
which | cut of with my own hand and
brought home.-Munsey's Weekly.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Only Two Things Lett.

'If prominent man in England gets
caught cheating at cards." said Scad-
dleberry, apropos of the Gordon-Cum-
ming affair, "what becomes Of him?''
''There are only two things he can
do" said Lord Noodleby; commit sui
eide or accept consulship. somewhere
In Asia Judge.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
A Delay in the Proceedings.

Mrs. Slimson Ito little Willie Slimson,
who has been taking in the ball game3
So that's where you have been, is it?
You just wait until your father gets
home, young man, and he will give you
a good trouncingl
Willie (confidingly)-He won't be
home yet awhile. He staid for the last
inning. BaZar.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
A Correct Bill.

Showman-Look here. Your bill
says: "Forty-nine days board for cam
el!" You've only had him seven days.
Keeper-That's all right; that camel
has seven stomachs. See?-Puck.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
SnIthers Knew.

Miss Will1ins-Ah, what change one
little woman can make in q mans life.
Mr.. Smithers-Exactly; and what q
heap of change she requires while do
ing it.-Jury.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Safety Assured.

Mr.. Winks (solemniy)-A noted ply
sician says that deadly bacteria lurk in
bank notes, and many diseases, es-
pecially smallpox, are spread that way.
Mrs. Winks-Mercy on us. Give me
all you have, right off. I've been vac
cinated, you know.-Good News.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Accommodating.

They tell me you and your wife have
separated. How came 1t to pass?"
ITO please others"
".Please others?"
Eyes, married just to please others,
and in a month or two everybody said
we wouldn't live together very long.
So left her. | knew it would please
the folks to fulfill their prophecies. "
Boston Transcript
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
The Shoe Trade
Centers at
H U S LTON' S
Trade

Why shouldn't it? The peoplc
quite as naturally drift to the store
that best serve their interests as
water fowa down hill
Here at the great shoe retailing
headquarters Of Butler low prices and
dependable goods 90 hand in glove.
One can always rest assured OF get.
ting full value for your money here,
sometimes more than full value.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
strictly RusIncss.

Old Cent understand, sir-in fact,
/ l1now-that you and my daughter are
edging very rapidly toward matrimony.
Pcnniless Suitor-It is true, sir, and,
although am obliged to confess that It
viii have to be case of love in cot
tage, hope
"Say no more. Love in cottage In
the true ideal of happiness. You have
my consent"
"Oh, thank you"
Providing you can show me the deed
for the cottage. Good day."-Good
News.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Rus In Urbe.

She-Your society refreshes me
greatly.
He-Thank you. Then you won't
mind if / stay another hour?
She-O dear, no. You have such q
country air about you it's a perfect pic.
mic to be in your presence.-Life.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31

Agent am informed, sir, that you
are about TO build new house, and I
should like to sell you book on archi-
lecture.
Mr.. Suburb-Don't want it.
Agcnt-lt may save you lot OF
money, sir. May inquire what sort Of
house you intend 20 erect?
Mr.. 81 have accepted plan for q
S., 900 house.
Agent (triumphantiy)-Well, sir, this
book shows you how to build 5000
house for only S1O,0o0.-N. Y. Weekly.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Fl. Fl. GOUCHER.

Attorncy-at-iaw. ONCE on second floor of
Anderson building, pear Court House. Butler.
Pa.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
H.st They Could Do.

Mr.. De Quaker So the Westends
have gone to New York. They move in
the best society, / presume.
Miss Dibble (of Philadelphia)- We'll,
yes, that is-the best society in New
Yorl1-N. Y. Weekly.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Not Alarmed.

First Socialist-You are becoming
proud and naughty. Beware the fate
of Maratl
Second Socialist-That fate can never
be mine Marat was killed in bath
tub.-,Iury.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Eridence Conclusive.

Dummit-Miss Summit looked at me
through her lorgEette yesterday.
Hummit-What did she do that for?
Dummit (sadly)-I suppose she didn't
want to see me.-Pucl1.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
lie XVns Tired of 1t.

young man, what tune is that you've
been whistlin' all the mornin'?"
THAT? That's an air from 'Lucin. !"
"Well, don't you think a change of
air is sometimes benefcial?'-Harper's
Bazar.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
AMANDA'S BURDENS.
They All Vanished After She Dis
covered Flor Riches.

i e was no
longer little e
Mandy.
s he h q d
grown 10 be n
! a e c strong
girl, with red
c Il C c k 5 and
brown e v e s
that were full
of good nature.
Elderly people
liked to look
upon Amanda's
dimpled face.
and enjoy her
blushcs when
strangers spoke
to her. She
had been ac-
counted pretty
and what was
much bettcr-a
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
4 Cruel Answer.

Maud-Oh, I'm invited to the Way
ups ball; but don't know what in the
world to wear. What would you wear
If you had my complexion?
NIillicen.-A thick veil.-Boston Cour-
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
lAn1antium Irae.

Ethel-Boohoo! I'm sure that Charlie
doesn't love me any more!
Maud-What makes you think SO?
Ethel-Why, we haven't had a quar-
rel for four or five days.-Munsey's
Weekly.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Prevention of Imp-udont borrowing.

The Egyptians had very remark
able ordinance to prevent persons from
borrowing imprudently. An Egyptian
was not permitted to borrow without
giving to his creditor in pledge the body
of his father. 1t was deemed both an
impiety and an infamy not to redeem SO
sacred pledge. A persoa who died
without discharging that duty was de-
prived of the customary honors paid to
the dead.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
No Kind of a Fellow.

Julia-I declare, l think there's no
spirit in Harry. He offered to kiss me
last night, but didn't
Ethel-Why not?
Julia-Just because told him to stop.
Boston Herald.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Wathcr WeuKh.

"Gwacious, cried Cholly, suddenly,
at dinner, there are thirteen people at
table"
''Oh, no, Mr.. Budd," whispered his
fair companion, 'only twelve people
and you. Life.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Mucn Worse on

Raggles-Don't beg there. Them
folks is wuss off than we are.
Bccry Bentley don't show it.
Raggles-Oh, / know 'em. They're
tryin' to cut a dash on So, 400 year and
Ave children to feed.-Harper's Bazaar.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Out-IIero.ling IIerod.

Il wonder at the number Of children
of respectable parentase offered for
adoption"
''Wel. you see, great many very re-
spectacle people have to live III ilats -
Puck.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
WHAT SHE HAD IN IT.

"Got er toothache. Mary?"
"Yep."
"Have yer got er cavity in it?"
"Nop. | got cotton In it."-Goldcn
nova
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Truth Is Mighty.

Guest-IIave you any spring lamb?
Candid Waiter-Yes, sab, we've got
some of thcr springiest lamb you evah
bit into.-Good News.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
A Good Reason.

Customer-Your ten-cent shine isn't
as good as your fve-cent one.
Bootblack-I know II, sir; that's the
reason charge more. They injure my
reputation.-Puck.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31

Maud-Charlie promised to think of
me often while he is away.
Ethel-Did he really? | had no idea
that he could think at all-Chicago
Saturday Evening Herald.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
pertinent n Impcrtinent.

Il amt so fond of American things"
said Chappie. 81 am awful stuck on
whatever's English admit it.
why don't you try speaking it, Mr..
Swelton?" asked Penelope. Munsey's
IVaal-Iv
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
In the sIid.t Of the Fight.

Mrs. S.-They say u man mover mar.
ries his first love.
Her Hnbby-He cau'ti 1t would b
,poiygawy,-Iifc.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
A Unique Case.

Snodgrass - Swayback is remark
able man
Snively-In what way?
HE thinks he can sing"
There's nothing remarkable about
it. Hundreds of people think they can
sing
But Swayback never tries. Life.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
Ear Different.

A revivalist in the course of an ami
mated exhortation exclaimed: "Ah. but
Heaven is my home!"
Just then a voice in the rear of the
hall shouted: II thought you lived In
Chicago!"-Judge
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
On Her Fuce.

Miss Spry-Jane hates the smell OF
powder.
Miss Envious-And yet she has it
near her ali the time.--Judge.
An Incomplete Set
Mrs. Reid-Have you got Scribbleton's
complete works?
Boolseller-No, ma'anf: he isn't dead
yet.--Puck.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31

Not at all
''Can you get alimony?"
Depends on the circumstances"
81 mean if the husband is very rich?''
'Oh, yes, usually. Do you think of
separating from your husband?"
Il haven't any yet, but my folks are
bound and determined l shall marry old
Bullion, and thought I'd better consult
YOU first"-N. Y. Weekly
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
A Rrsiness Rrain.

Young LADY, called to make some
inquiries regarding your terms for di-
vorces. Does getting a divorce take
long?
Divorce Lawyer-Not very.
''Is the consent Of the husband neces-
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
A. e. GABLE,
V eterlnary Surgeon.

Graduate OF the Ontario Veterinary
College. Toronto. Canada.
Dir. Gable treats all diseases of the
domes:icated animals, and makes
ridgling, castretion and horse den-
tistry a speciality. Castration per-
formed without clans, and all other
surgical operations performed in the
most scientific manner
Calls to any part of the country
promptly responded 20.
Office and Iniirmary in Crawford's
Livery, 1872 West Jefferson Street,
Butler, Pa.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1891-07-31
THE LOVE TE-r

John-I1l watch here till She goes
by, an if she reads what I've writ on
that stone an don't shrek nor faint
dead away, then kin make up my mind
she don't love me.-Life.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1891-10-20
JOHN S4ERIAM THE POLITICAL JUDAS LSCHREOT OFHERICA

debts of book accounts, or notes of
hand, SO that all debt will very
nearly approximate an amount equal
to one-half the wealth of the United
States. 1t is not generally known,
perhaps, that if interest is not a
drain upon past accumulation, it
must be furnished of the labor of
the working people. Farmers,
miners, operatives, mechanics, all
wealth-producers, pay, or furnish
the means to pay interest, or else
interest is eating up the capital.
Now labor, or the laborer, is in that
condition tnat the interest on na-
tional debt, railroad and municipal
deLt. is drawn largely from the
working people The government
le lies upon the working people an
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1891-10-20
Debt.

Senator Stewart, Of Nevada,
stated in a speech delivered in the
United States senate some time
since, that the recorded debt of the
people of the United States amount
ed TO nearly twenty billion dollars
This statement has never been dis
pnted, and is approximately true.
If the rate of interest is All average
of 4 per cent, the interest paid
amounts 20 $I,200,000 per annlxa.
The great wheat and corn crop of
1889 would not have paid the inter
est on this debt for one single year,
much less have reduced the princi-
pal. Now it will be observed that
this statement does not include
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1891-10-20

indirect tax, to pay on the natianal
debt.
Railroad companies raise interest
money by raising tariff charges or
cutting the wages of employees.
County, township and city debt, and
interest thereon, is paid by direct
tax upon property. If mining COM
panies are operated upon borrowed
capt. ii, either the consumer of coal
pays higher for coal, or the miner is
paid lower rate of wages. The
merchant operating with borrowed
capital charges interest to cost of
goods, and the consumer pays it.
And thus all interest is shifted until
its whole great burden rests upon
the laboring classes, and they can
not shift the payment, as things are.
The aboring classes who formerly
owned homes found it impossible to
I've and carry this burden. Their
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1891-10-20

capital has been drawn upon to pay
the interest until, in many cases, the
home of the mechanic or the farmer
has been swept into the nav of the
remorseless Shylock demons.
To-day, the working classes are
serfs to as internal a set of scoun-
drels as ever cursed the human race;
and not only the working classes,
but business men, are going into
bankruptcy, and professional men
are starving. The minister's salary
is unpaid. The teacher receives a
pittance, and the mechanics are be-
coming tramps.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1891-10-20
POpHlist Hand Book.

The Populist, or Peoples Party,
Handbook, published by the Vim
cents, is ready for delivery. Call
at this office, or send, and get one.
Price, so cents.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-12-24
remarks on gerrymandering in his mes
sage to congress- The New York Even

remarks on gerrymandering in his mes
sage to congress-. The New York Even
ing Post says: president Harrison
cites q county in a certain state where
three districts for the election OF men,
bers to the legislature are constituted us
follows: One has $4,000 population, one
5000 and one 10000 He could have
instanced Il far worse case than this in
Connecticut, where the republicans are
in both legislative houses the bene-
f~iciarics Of a gerryn,ander which is but
tressed not behind u statute, but the
more solid and enduring ramparts OF a
state constitution. As to the lower
house CT congress, the president would
have found one town with a population
of S6,oI5 equalized with another town
having a population Of but ADJ; and as
to the state senate, a district which at
GAO votes equalized with another district
casting but 1855 votes. How the sys-
tenn works in the upper house of con-
gress may be shown by the case of
United States Senator Q. II. Platt, who
was rejected last January by al repub-
lican members OF the Connecticut legis-
lature, representing towns and districts
casting only 13,l44 votes, while there
were opposed to him 134 members re-
presenting 1850 votes. If Senator
Platt, or his colleague, Senator Hawley,
have occasion during this session to re-
fer to the presidents views in his mes
sage on either 'gerrymanders' or the
suppression OF tho suffrage at the south
they will, of course, tell lis all about
this peculiar Connecticut system, but
for which their " seats would o be
filled by two democrats. The two re-
publican senators from Rhode Island,
the little towns outvote in the
the cities and large towns
many times their population. stand
in very much the same ironical preaica-
The gerrymander in New York state
affords a still more striking illustration
the i~niquity of the republican gerry
Had there been no gerryman-
Mr.. Harrison would have sent
MS annual message to a democratic
States senate.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-12-24
THE BOOK TABLE.

READING AMI SPEAKING: FAMILIAR TALKS TO
YOUNG MEN WHO WOULD SPEAK WELL IN
PUBLIC. BY Barnard Gardener Smith,
A.. M, associate professor OF elocution
and oratory in Cornell university. Bos-
ton: D. c., Heath IL Co.
Americans are a race of takers and speech
makers. We have many fotcible and elo-
quent public speakers III every walk of life,
yet few true orators and still fewer good
elocutionists whose style and manner are
not open to severe criticism. In the ideal
republic every man should be a good pub
lie speaker. And if the boys would read
and profit by the sensible rules laid down
by the little book before us the next gener-
alton of men would be far in advance of the
present in the art of all arts. From long
experience as a teacher and trainer of
youth Prof. Smith is abundantly qualified
to speak with authority on the subject with
which he deals. The students who have
bean under his careful training all bear
testimony by thei- own improved style of
public speaking that he is master of his
subject. He makes no pretense in this lit
tie volume to evolve any new theories. He
rather adopts from all sources the rules
that have stood the test of experience and
grouped them in convenient form fol-
classes in colleges and high schools. and for
the general reader. 1t is a book we can
heartily commend to every person young or
old who desires to attain a correct and
pleasing manner of speech in public or in
private.
Appended to the book are excellent selec-
tions of declarations intended for the use
of students.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-12-24
MARK TwAIN's NEW STORY.

We take pleasure in informing the
thousands OF readers Of THE SUNDAY In
DEPENDENT that in connection with the
New York Sun, st. Louis Republic, San
Francisco Examiner and a few other
Journals, we have secured the right to
publish as a serial Mark Twain's forth
coming new novel, "The American
Claimant" The opening chapter will
appear in The SUNDAY INDEPENDENT of
January 8, and the story will run for
about three months. 1t is the greatest
work that Mark Twain has undertaken
since the appearance of "The Gildel
Age" and it reintroduces to the public
the immortal Mulberry Sellers. This
time the colonel turns up in pursuit of
an English earldom. He has lost none
of his old time b%uoyanoy and hopeful
ness, and his ups and downs among the
nobility OF England, his ludicrous adj
ventures in attempting to adapt him
self to a mode of life to which he is not
accustomed, give the great humorist a
fine field for his fancy. The scene is laid
III two continents and takes the redoubt-
able colonel back to his old stamping
ground, Washington. The story is
founded on one of Mark Twain's w
experiences, he himself having at one
time las he thought) a possibility OF
gaining a titled estate through his
mothers ancestors.
1.-THE American Claimant" unques-
tionably will be the literary event of the
new year, and every reader of The IN
DEPENDENT, we are sure, will await with
impatience the successive chapters in
this interesting romance. The story
will be illustrated by Dan Beard, who
the pictures for Mark Twain's
latest book, "a Yankee at the Court of
King Arthur" and WHO is the best in
terpreter Of the inimitable humor of the
great author. Mail subscribers desiring
to get the opening chapters OF the story
should send in their subscriptions at
once. and news dealers should place
their orders for extra copies promptly.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-12-24

THERE IS nor significance in the ap-
pointment of Senator Teller to the
craftsmanship of the senate committee
on privileges and elections than appears
at first glance. Mr.. Hoar was chairman
of this committee in the last congress,
He was the father and stalwart cham
pion Of the force bill, which was de-
feated chiefly through the refusal of
Teller to support it. Mr.. Teller now
goes to the head Of the committee. In
stead of being punished for his obdur-
acy, in opposing the federal election
law, he is promoted. The republican
leaders evidently have seen a great
light and want to bury the force bill out
of the sight and memory of men.