The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1891-10-29

wits aud humoristsin the Army. some Of whom
gained considerable celebrity. remember one
of these named Forbes Britain, whose sayings
and doiugs were a good deal quoted. lie en-
HANGED his Jokes exceedingly by his perfect
command Of countcuanee, aud by the gravity
OF his demeauOT In the beginning OF hos
tilities against the SeminOles in Florida a large
force was assembled at Fort Jupiter, on the
eastern coast, and Britain reported for duty
there. Soon after the Chief Quartermaster.
Capt. Dusenberry. sent for him and told him
that he knew he had had
VERY LITTLE EXPERIENCE.
but that, rs so many officers were absent or on
other duty. he should be obliged TO have him
assigned as Post Quartermastcr. which would
throw upon him the responsibility OF several
hundred animals, ambuiances, and wagons.
Britain played the part Of a bgshful young OH
Ger 10 perfection. He listened, with his head
down and arms hanging by his side, TO a long
lecture upOn the importance Of the duties that
had devoIved upon him, and the necessity OF
deyotiug himself heart aud hand to the work
At last there was a pause. Britain raised his
head and said:
Capt Dusenberry, are you entirely
through?"
3" / believe that is all have to say at pres
! ont"
IF you are entirely through, won't you
have the kindness 20 sing me a couple OF stan
za5 from the star Spaugloi Banner!"
The Captain was very wrOth, and said after
ward that he would have arrested him and had
| him tried for disrespect, but the charges would
/ have created too much meTriment in the Army,
| so he RETAINED
Britain at times was humorous in action as
| well as in words. When Gen. Wool was in
command Of the Division Of the Atlantic he
went down to Key West TO make an inspection
/ OF the post. After the military ceremonies
| were over Lieut.. Britain accompanied the Cen
/ eral on his way to the wharf when he was about
/ leaving. lie was most
RESPECTFUL AND DEFERENTIAL
in his department, but the General noticed
that whenever they passed n group Of soldiers
| ToaTs OF laughter Were heard. lie inquired
/ somewhat angrily the meaning Of this ll-tImed
mirih. BTittau answered that it was merely
some nonsense of their own. and turned to
/ them and made a gesture Of reprOOf which
/ added immensely 10 their hilarity. The fact
/ was that all the time he was eOnversing so ear
| nestly and respectfully with the General he
was Stimulating hitch in his gait which was
/ irresistibly ludicrous.
/ Lieut. Derby. Of the Engineer Corps, was, by
far the most celebrated wit we ever had in the
Mrmy. He wrote a book Of jokes under the
/ pseudonym OF "JObn Phmuix," which was
4 published a long time ago. Ii had an extern
sive circulation, but IS now out Of print. Derby
had been sent to California TO improve the
! navigation OF the San Diego River, or as he
| said, to dam the stream, aud he asserted that
hc had done so mentally IN q very effective
\ manner While he was i'm California the effect
! OF the gold excitement rendered an officers
salary wholly inadequate for his support. At
4 last Congress passed law TO remedy the def
cheney by increasing the pay Of the Army. A
| claim agent who resided in Washington took
| advantage Of this aud sent a circular % all the
/ I'M TaI H. FaE fTt.F fha
was passed wholly in consequence OF
HIS PERSONAL ExERrIoSs,
and suggested that each officer send him five
per cent. Of the first months pay under the
new law, as a reward for his services. Derby's
| reply 10 this was Tepublished in all the princi-
pal papers Of the United Safes, and created
great amusement. 10 began, as I remember it,:
Ny DEAR CHARLES; / have received your
modest request asking for FIVE per cent on the
| been kind enough To grant us, and after deiib-
| Grating On the matter for five seconds have come
| To the conclusion TO decline. for the following
| reasons: ia the first place, do not know you,
| Charles. You may for aught know, be some
swindling fellow who, seeing that the bill was
about 10 pass, thought you would levy little iunO-
ceut backmail ON the officers To be sure, see by
your card. which my wife has stuck Ia the cracked
lo0kinggAs- over the uIantel piece that you are a
general agent and notary public take OF
my hat To that for have great respect for rank.
! j see you say that you live opposite the Odd
Fellows Hall. Why not move across the street,
The letter went on in this way, and ended
By saying: Farewell, Charles; be virtuOua
and you will DO happy. Invest your money
judciously when you get IT,"
In tho early days Of Sal Francisco Derby
was in box at the theater one evening with
some friends In spirit Of fun he leaned
over aud said TO o gentleman in the paTquet
below him:
wont you be kind enough to poke that
man in the light oyegcOat two seats in front Ol
you with your cane