Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1891-04-22
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

WHEN horse rears it is very much
alive, even if it does seem to be on It's
last legs.-.St. Joseph Necs
THE only kind of cake that the average
small boy has severe objections to is a
cake of soap.-,S. Joseph NeaCs.
OF all the 400 methods of improving
the memory invented nothing up to date
beats giving thirty day note.-Phltd-
delphid Times.
SOME people can trust God as long as
they have plenty of money, but when
the bank breaks their religion all goes
with it.-Ram's Horn.
TRAMP-"Will this dog bite poor old
tramp?"
Hired Girl-'Just as quick as a fat
young one. Git !"-Epoch.
CLERK-"This cloth is very durable,
madame, | assure you"
Shopper-"Yes, but take it away 1t
is not endurable. "-NeaU York Herald.
JUDGE BLEECKER (of New York visiting
a Boston friend to his friends parrot
''Does Polly want cracker?' Parrot
-"Sir, | would thank you for a bis
cult"
Mrs. Mary, where is Dicky?"
Mary-"Out in the back yard, mum. f"
Mrs. Hicks-"Go out and see what he
is doing, and tell him to stop it. "-Har-
per's Bdsar.
WooL-"Italy doesn't seem to think
this country can fight" Van Pelt-''It
has evidently got President Harrison g
war and duck shooting records mixed. -
NeW York Sum-
JACK MEADows-"I want plain ring. -
Would you like filed one ?'
Jack Meadows-"No. Give me an empty
one | know girl that will fill it exact
ly to my notion. "-Jeacelers' Weekly.
"WHAr wages do you expect?" asked
Mrs. B. of the candidate for the position
of cook-lady. 81 never works for wages,
mum, returned the cook-lady; 81 goes
on salary or nothin' Epoch.
GUzzLER-You are ruined by you1
sentimental ideas, Gusher. You are a
slave to woman's smiles.
Gusher-All right, old man. You're
slave to your own smiles.-SprinQfeLd
Sparks.
AT THE FIRST BLUsH.-Landlady-
Chow do you like the butter, Mr..
Bingster?'' Bingster (the new board
er)-"I can tell better, madam, after
we have known each other longer
Judge.
''MR. SPIGGIrT made sneak for home
l..
He constructed servile departure for
his domicile at that hour, did he? re-
piled Miss South-Church, of Boston,
Judge.
HE-"I wish you would sing that dear
Time, in Thy Flight" Sweet Girl-'1
might wake mother up by singing; but
l will turn the clock back, if that will
do."-Good NeUs.
81 love that Harry Smith,"
"Do you, really?"
eyes. He has the loveliest mono
gram"
''What is it"
"S."-NeU York Sun.
LADY Ito tramp)-"What is your
name? ?"
Tramp-''They call me Keelv Motor. :"
Lad y-"Why do they call you that ?''
Tramp Because / won't work. y
Springfield (IU.) Sparks.
your ambition ?'' "Id like" said the
boy, putting down his yellow-covered
story of the plains, 'to have people
tremble like leaves at the mere mention
of my name. "-Horper's Young People.
MISTRESS" Bridget, what's that child
crying so wildly for ?'' Nurse hure,
mum, he's just drinked all his soothin'
syrup, and ct the cork, and | don't
know what now ails him unless it's the
bottle he wants to schwally. "-Pharma-
ceuticdE Era.
YALLERBY Is A. M)-"Wha' kind lob
a dorg am dat O. yourn, Nose ?"
Johnsing-"Dat am a bird dog"
Yallerby-"Sho You hain't got no
gun %
Johnsing-"Mebbe not, sab; but
when Use huntin' chickens late at night,
dat dog, sab, kin hear an interruption
haff-a-mile away. "-Teras SJti,ags.
LEFT ALL AROUND. : Dashaway-"I
stood on the corner this morning for
five minutes, debating whether should
buy bunch of roses for Miss Peterein,
Or a necktie for myself, when Travers
came along and said he had bought her
the roses"
Cleverton-''So you got the necktie ?"
Dashaway-"N I had to lend the
money to Travers. Cothier and Fur
niSher.
STORY OF SCHIIEMANN