The Portland daily press., 1891-05-16
WE EXPECT roo MUCH.

America.
-
WE EXPECT TOO MUCH.
Married People Demand unreason-
able Attention.
New York Ledger.l
The much discussed question, els mar
rage failure?' came up at a small'so-
cial gatheringa few evenings since. In
the company were an old bachelor, a
widow, several married people and a
couple. of young persons who were alb
sorbed'in unsuccessful attempts to per-
suade the company that they never
heard of such a thing as loves young
dream.
Various opinions were advanced and
some little warmth was becoming evil
dent in the remarks.o of some of the mar
ried guests. The bachelor was cynical,
the youngsters somewhat shocked and
sorros,ful and the entire company I'M
comfortable.
At length a lady whq. had hitherto re-
manned silent was appealed to former
opinion.
"If we judge by the amount of happi-
ness we find in families" she said, 81
think we may call it a failure, for per-
fectly harmonious household is very hard
to find. There is so much selfshness and
so much Indifference displayed, so much
I and SO little you, that the instinct of
self preservation springs up and takes
alarm, and the individual is at once put
upon the defensive as to his or her
rights.
Young people marry and begin their
homelife on a wrong basis. Courtship
and marriage, while often merely an in
cident to the man, is all absorbing to the
woman. She dreams about it, lives in
it, worries and cries over it, and throws
her whole life into the ideal as she has
read it in books. Her ideal husband is
always gentle, tender and considerable;
always comes home with smile on his
face, and, although burdened with care
and perplexed with business, is never
other than hero. She is quite likely
to forget the ideal man can be very dis
agreeable when he is hungry, and finds
little to comfort him in kisses and blisses
if'the laundress has failed to bring home
his linen, or he hasn't a quiet corner
where he may sit down and rest.
"For man is more solitary creature
than woman. There is an old legend to
the effect that Gods original plan was to
create woman the mother of the race
frst of all, but, in his far seeing wisdom,
he decided that woman should never
be alone in the world; so man was GRE
ated first, that she might find compan-
ion even in her earliest hours of exis-
tence, and from her infancy she Graves
society, and all through her girlhood has
her little girl friends, and their associa-
alton is much more intimate than that
of the boy with his mates. And all
through her young days how she con-
fides in her girl associates and tells them
all of her little secrets, reads her first
love letter to them, and tells them all
about the ideal which she has fashioned
and clothed with graces as with gar
ment How natural that she should
carry great deal of this IDEAL into her
married life and expect love and devo-
ton all of the time, and that the hus-
band will be as devoted and as self sacri- |
ficing as the lover.
'But all the same he isn't, and she |
feels chilled and unhappy when, after |
one greeting kiss, he looks beyond to see
if there are signs of dinner, or frowns If
there are number of girl friends scat
tered all about the house, putting an end
to the quiet, restful hours he feels he
needs so much after the days business.
He is certain that she cares less for his
society than that of the girls, and nat
urally resents it. He thinks he married
and had his home as place in which to
be quiet and comfortable, and makes up
his mind that he will put a stop to all
this company Then he reflects that he
is selfish and brute, and will do moth
ing of the sort.
"But such reflections never make the
average man happier. He doesn't like
to admit. even to himself, that he is
wrong, and the necessity for doing so
nettles him. And they both get irritated
and petty jealousies spring up, and there
are sharp words and bitter feelings, and
everything goes wrong. Perhaps good
sense comes to the rescue, and they come
to perfect understanding, but much
oftener they grow worse, until he rushes
away to the club, and she sits down to
NOPE and worry, perchance to cry; or,
following his example, seeks congenial
society, and their lives end in dissipa-
ton or an open rupture.
"And all because each expects too
much of the other. Indeed, this is the
keynote of almost all unhappiness in life.
We expect too much. Our ideal is too
high, and not finding plain, practical
facts to meet it, we are disappointed
and discouraged, and become soured and
cynical.
at sometimes happens that two peo-
pie who have. passed through some of
the severest trials of existence, and have
learned wisdom from the things they
have suffered, two such congenial spir-
its may meet, and with the experiences
of,years stamped ontheir lives andch
acters may establish home on a basis
of mutual concession and unselfish love,
and each may spend his or her remain
ing years in the acknowledged effort to
make up to the other what life lacked
aforetime. Such homes are rare in
deed, but when they are found am GER
tain that neither the members of the
household nor the few friends who are
permitted to share the beauties of their
inner lives will go away declaring mar
riage failure.
"Such a home is stronger plea for
the marriage relation than any series of
arguments that the most learned and
skillful theorist can bring forward. But |
such relations are rare, indeed, in early |
life. 1t is only when the spirit has been |
trained to quiet liberation of the irritat- |
ing TRIES Of life that such mutual con-
cession seems possible. One sided gen
tleness is dangerous to family peace of
mind, as it is almost certain to deyelop
a tyrannical and overbearing disposition
in the party. Comradship and genuine
respect are the best and safest spirit and
outlasts the fever heat of passion and the
storms and sunshine of adversely and
YJroryneritv e. -'--- - - -