Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-10-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A work of art-Selling a picture
Puck.
If life really were poem, it is doubt
full if any enc would be averse to it.
Detroit Free Press.
Belle--"This mirror is simply per-
feet" Bess-'Ah, see. 1t fatters
you" Yankee Blade.
The spoon craze pervades the water
ing places. 1t takes only two to make
full set.-Boston Herald.
When firm winds up its business it is
only reasonable to suppose that it has
been running down.-DetroH Tribune,
Quericus-"What is Mrs. Moneybag-
CESS position in society2" Cynicus-
"Why, it's capital. - Washington Star.
Ever since Rebecca went to to the we'll
watering-places have been great resorts
for ladies with matrimonial aspirations.
Chicago News.
There is no affliction without its COM
pensating benefit. The deaf mute is
stranger to the trials ofsthe telephone
Boston Transcript.
A distinctive feature of this seasons
hats for the ladies is an exceptionally
low crown. Not so the price. 1t is as
high as ever.-Detr0it Free Press.
Theatre Manager Ito departing specta-
tor)-''Beg pardon, sir, but there are
two more acts" eyes, | know it.
That's why Pm going. FAeqeade Blaet'
ter.
.sThe Eastern sages believe that there
is q sign on each mans forehead that the
angels may read," he whispered softly.
'tWhat is yoursa" she answered. $40
let2"-New York Herald.
Philanthropist - E" You say your
brother treated you with marked disre
spect9 In what waya" Tramp (wiping
his eyes)-'Went to work in my pres
ence. Mem York Herald.
At supper the other evening Feble.
witte rather brusquely bade the table girl
give him some sauce. He got what he
asked for, but, somehow, did not seem
to relish it.-Detroit Free Press.
81 say, WAITER" exclaimed an impa-
tient customer, ''I've been here a full
hour!" sI've been here since seven this
morning." answered the waiter. ''Tire,
some, amt it2"-Philadelphia Record.
The Maiden-''I hope you noticed,
Mr.. Rimer, that it was your book that
brought out here to read" Mr.. Rimer
-"Yes. l also noticed that you fell
fast asleep over it."-Muaseys Weekly.
"We have no use for bear stories,
| +hn 1orc nd
something spicy" "Well," said the
man with the manuscript, "this story is
about a cinnamon bear. ."-Iadianapolis
Journal.
"You couldn't get steaks as rare as you
liked them at your late boarding house,
| eh?" said the old boarder to the new.
"Well, it'll be rare enough you'll get
them here, let me tell you!"-Detroit
Free Press.
"Great Scott" exclaimed the world
the other day as she wiped the perspira-
| ton off the North American Continent
| with point lace cloud. "Did any one
| ever have so much trouble with sun
a"-Life.
One occasionally reads of the discov-
cry OF the petritied remains OF human be-
ings. Is this to be taken as indicating
that there may have been those in days of
yore who succeeded in making them
selves solid2-Detroit Free Press.
A Jefferson avenue young man who has
money enough to do th... summer resorts
and conscience enough to tlirt with every
girl he meets, went into Woodward ave-
nue. jewolry store last week where he
knew one OF the clerks. want three
rings, lady's size," he said. ''Ab, !"
smiled the clerk, cunningly, "going to
have ciress, are youa"-Detroa Free
Press.
''How are you getting on with the
piano2" asked Alphonso of his best be-
loved Matilda. .'Oh, very well; | can
see the great progress in my work"
"How is that2" swell, the family that
lived next door moved away within
week after began to practice. The next
people stayed month, the next ten weeks
and the family there now have remained