davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

We are authorized tn offer this valuable
property for sale ut Il very reasonable
price, and ON easy terms OF payment.
There are 80 acres located one mile from
corporate limits of Lexington, Missouri,
divided into nine fields, land rich, beauti-
lul and undulating, all undcrlaid with the
Lexington vein Of coal, which alone is
worth half the money We ask iOr the
land. Railroad within ouc-eiShth mile Of
the land. Wei wntercd with living streams
and springs. Half The land in cultivation,
and hall in Gruit, @ras9 and 81 acres tim
Der with grass sod. 1909 fruit trees al ali
varieties 300, thrcr years old; 500, seven
or eight years old in their prime, and
balance all bearing. The fruit from these
alone will pay annual interest ON the en-
tire purchase money OF the farm. Two
story brick dwelling, large and elegant,
eighteen rooms aud iour halls, gas and
water all over the house. Bath r.=Iu,
laundry, hot and cold water, equal To any
city supply. Three tenant houses, four
and five rooms each, ice house, smoke
house, all brick. Two horse barns, large,
two cattle sheds. all furnished with water
from pipes, with pressure ir"in wind mili.
Everything in first class order. No I'M
provcmcntS needed. II is Il grand place,
Tor fine stock farm, and for Il magnificent
home. No man ought to want better. 1t
must be seen To hr appreciated. This is Il
rare chance don't delay and let another
Get in before YOU, to your everlasting re
grrt. Apply or write to,
T.. WfHsOR & Son,
lS-tf Lexington, Mo.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
GOOD QUEEN VIC.

QUEEN VICTORIA is fond of oatmeal
porridge, and is Scotch enough to be
lieve in its virtue of being strengthen,
ing and having no bones in it.
QUEEN VICTORIA now rules Il popula,
ton of 3G7, 00o, O))-a greater number of
people than we acknowledged the SOW
erignty of any ether one person in
either ancient or modern times.
QUEEN VICroRTA's daughter, Princess
Christian, employs II woma as her
physician when her nerves trouble her.
Her attendant at such times is u we'll
known specialist-Dr. Julia Maitland.
QUEEN VICTORIA still clings to the
black dress which is the symbol of her
widowho"d. Indeed, black was always
her favoritc wear, ven when she was
young and unmarried, it being an cx-
pressed opinion that she Cooked best
in black"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

A little girl in my school, writes Il
Youths Companion correspondent. re
Gently aIn To Inc il tears, rcIrrtting
the fact that her fathers illness made
it necessary for her to ''lrnvr and go to
work.
! badc her ~Good-by. and with school
marm'a h~anl.rrinE to keep Il r~rcditablr
pupil added: ''Nhrn your father is we'll
come back to me-
Then. obcying Il sudden impulse to
take advantage of what | knew to be,
in all probability. my last nance to
influence the precious waif for good, |
said: Blu if | never see you again |
hope you will try Ia do your duty whcr-
ever You may be. Whatever work You
may have To do try to do it well. hope
you will he an honest, honorable
woman."
"Thank y0u, ma'am," she replied,
putting up her mouth to he kissed. Il
wish you the SAME
The dear child! | know now what
st. Paul meant by the "foolishness of
preaching"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
CAT AND DOG STORIES.

A BRIsroL, pa man declares that he
has u dog that can bark distinctly many
letters of the alphabet.
Ar Chico, Cal, the other day, IA cat
caught u sparrow and vas going with it
into IL store when half IL dozen other
sparrows came to the rescue and made
such Il vigorous onslaught upon kit that
he was glad to drop his prey and flee to
the friendly shelter of the store.
MARTIN O'DoNHELL. of Buffalo, owes
his life to his faithful dog Pantu. He
and Panic were swimming across IL
stream when suddenly he became ex
haustcd and shouted for help. As
though understanding the cries the dog
caught hold of O'Donnell and sustained
him until assistance arrived.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

\ sweet little baby brother
Had come to live with Flo,
And she wanted il brought To the table
That it might eat aud grow.
at must wait for awhile" said grandm
In answer to her plea,
For Il little thing that hasn't teeth,
Can't eat like yen and me-
"Why hasn't it got teeth, grandma"
Asked Flo in great surprise.
oh, my! but isn't II funny?
Ma trtth-but nose and eyes?
| guess cater thinking graVclyD
They must have been fordOt.
Can't We buy him some, like grandpa?
I'd like Ia know why not?'
That afternoon To the corner,
With paper and pen and ink,
Went Flo, saying, "Don't talk To me;
II you dO itll stop my think!
Pm writing u letter, grandma,
70 send away tonight.
And cause It's very 'portant
| want to get it right"
At last the letter was finished
\ wonderful thing to See
And directed to Good in Heaven"
please read it over TO me-"
Said little Flo To her grandma,
''ro see il it's right, you know"
And here is the letter written
To God,by little Flo:
''Dear Qod-The baby you brought us
Ii awful nice and sweet,
But cause you forgot his tooiies
The pour little thing can't eat.
That's why Pm writing this letter
A-purposc to let you know.
Please come and finish the baby.
That's all. From LITTLE FLO"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
HINTS FOR THE KITCHEN.

NEVER put salt on II steak until after
it is cooked.
The lid of 4 saucepan should never DE
raised over Il smoky fire.
BEFORE broiling fish rub the gridiron
with a piece of fat to prevent its stick
ing.
The earthly tastt often found in fresh
water fish can be removed by.soaking in
salt and water.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
The Coming Gould.

Office Boy-Beg pardon, sir, but / was
awful sorry to see the way Mrs. Jinks
vent for You this mornin'. 1t was
hammer an tongs, wasn't it?
Mr.. Jinks Chcad of the firm)-Great
snakes. Is it all over town?
: Office Roy-Oh, no, sir, no one knows
it but me.
Mr.. Jinlis-lIcre's 4 dollar to GO to
the baseball game. Take u day off and
enjoy yourself, but not L word about
me and Mrs. j.. you know.
Office Boy-All right, sir. You kin
trust me.
Under Clerk ca few moments later)-
Say, Smikcsy, how did you know there
was a row in the old mans family this
morning?
Office Boy-By the way he was
rippin' an rarin' round at us.-Goot
News
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
4 PIclsant Eondnee.

First Lady tell you for a fact that
my intended Iaay not smoke in my
presence, OF play cards, or talk too
loud, or sing, or whistle, and he must
not drink.
Second Lady-What may he do then?
First Lady-lle may esteem himself
happy!-Jury.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Conductor Ito two MISUNDERSTANDING
do you mean by giving one nickel for
two fares?
Israelite-Don't shildrens pay half
price, and don't We vas shildrens OF
Israel?-TeXas Siftings.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Cholly-Dudely insulted me. but | got
even with him.
Ch~appie-Ilow?
CholIy-I stwuk him and disawanged
HE tir life
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
For Summer Use.

no earthly good. 1t kept the house as
cold as ice all winter.
Owner-Yes, ma'am; but see the adj
vantage of having such a beautiful re-
frigerator in the house in the summer.
Judge.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Trouble

McMissery - always knew that
Blessington a a man of gentlemanly
instincts.
Miss Fluffy-Why,' thought that he
married the girl you were engaged to.
McMissery-So he did. He's off on
his honeymoon trip, and has just sent
me his hearty congratulations from
Lake George.-Judge.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

De Gush lin the doorway of an
Italian catllcdraD-We have nothing
like this in America, S%mithkins. love
these deep arched doorways; they sug,
gest quiet, ~contentment and-er-re-
pose, you know.
Smithkins-Yes; | like them first
rate. Capital places in which to Light
a cigar.--Munsey's Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Judge-Then your husband has i'll
treated you?
WitncsS-No, your honor.
Judgc-What? Did he not bite off one
of your ears?
Witness-No, your honor, l did it my
self.-Jurv.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

The danger Of attempting to translate
from II language into another, unless
one is reasonably familiar with the Ian
guage he is using, vas illustrated by a
mistake recently made by Il young
Frenchwoman.
She had come from Paris, and wished
to establish herself in this country as u
teacher of the French language. She
accordingly inserted the following adj
vertisement in one of the papers:
"a young Partisan lady desires to
show her tongue To classes of American
ladies. Address, etc"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

In one of the last years of his life
Gen. Won Moltke, who was then moro
than ninety years old, attended u court
reception. In the course of the even
ing he attempted some gallant compli
ments to II group of ladies', and then
shaking his head, said, laughing:
"Ah, / sec ! do not do this well al
now! If | were young again."
about how old should you like to be
COUNT asked one of the ladies.
''Wcll, if | could only be eighty once
more" said Won Moltkc.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Warmth Not Always Absence of Cold.

Warmth Not Always Absence of Cold.
Gertrude-A GOODNESS between George
Ferguson and Laura Kaiones? don't
believe it!
Irene You can see for yourself.
There they are at hat table over there
eating ice cream from the same DISH
Chicago Tribune.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
AN UNEVEN

Cholly-What's the mattah, me deah
fellah? Y look all played out, y know
stiff neck?
Dolly-Aw-er-Chollie, me barber
shaved me closah on one side than on
the othah, and I'm nearly-er-er-
worn out twying to keep me head
stwaight.-Munsey's Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
In u Bad Fix.

Allow is Brown coming on?
B.-Very poorly. He can't eat.
whats the matter with him?"
"There is nothing the matter with
him except lack of food. He is stop
ping at u fashionable boarding house"
Texas Siftings.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
i Good Guess.

Tommy Fangle-Pa, what does q
''still hunt" mean?
Mr.. Fanglc-Oh, it means the revenue
officials in Kentucky or Georgia chas.
Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

81 wonder how she manages to keep
three adorers in tovv So s!,illfully."
"Oh, it's very easy, she tells me. She
talks to the literary one about his
brains, to the sentimental n about
his heart, and to the old and rich one
about his iver."-Indianapolis Journal
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
..unon This Hint Spike"

Abby (who is thirsty)-IIow long will
we have to wait for dinner?
Hiram (who lacks decision)-About
twenty minutes, | guess. Then I'll
have 4 bottle Of plain soda, and have it
opened here.
She-I should like to hear some thing
pop, if it's only Il cork!-Lifc.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Client-Your fee is cxorbitant. 1t
didn't take you Il day to do the work.
Lawyer-lt is my regular fee. | am
not charging you for time, but for the
cost of my legal education.
Client-Wcll, give me a receipt for
the cost of your education, so the next
fellow won't have to pay for it, too
Life.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
IOOkinp Ahead.

Young Man-How late do these street
cars run?
Conductor-They run all night.
81 am glad to hear that"
Got a job rs night watchman?"
"No, but my girls folks are going to
move into this neighborhood.'-Go
News.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Norris

Norris preached a sermon about Lots
wife. He said: Lots wife ~disobeyed
God and was turned into salt. She was
very, very salt, SO salt that you couldn't
eat her ."-Harpcr's Young People.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Not That Kind.

Customcr-These collars don't suit
me. They don't set well o N my neck.
Clerk-Ilow can you expect them to
sit when they are standing collars?-
Munsey's Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

"This," said the Snowman, sis the
largest elephant in the world. He eats
eighteen bales of hay at one mouthful,
an never takes no exercise OWN to the
expense of tearin' down the buildin' to
get him out of it."--Jndge.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Johnnie asked: How much is 5 and
81"
Eleven" answered Bertha.
"No, no, it isn't" cried Johnnie.
"What is it, them" asked Jessie. 81
always learned that : and & make H."
at cant be SO. 1t just can't" cried
Johnnie.
why not??" asked Jessie.
"Why, of course ) and 6 can't be IL,
because 3 and 8 are H." answered John
nie.-Harper's Young People.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Lutte loved her new teacher very
much
One morning she said: You're SO
good I'll get the next handorgan mar
who comes round to name his monkey
for you."-Harper's Young People.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Tom-Old Misery is very Respondent
and is threatening TO blow out his
brains.
Jerry-There is no danger of his
doing that unless he has a chance to
steal a revolver.-Texas Siftings.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

TIE cIl'"4r from the city of Charles
ton, :. C., increased from $l3,7 IS, 751 in
the yer cnIing June 50, 1890, to S21,-
1l0,0O6 for the year ending June 30,
1891. The largest item of increase was
that Of cotton.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Old C~ashly-Young man, when you
married my daughter | never supposed
hat you were going to live on. me.
Young Dudely-Well, sir, why didn't
You give her enough at the start to be
Observation-Disclosures.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Noticed 1t Culver.

Visitor-The wind seems to shake
hat scarecrow Owe there n little. I've
noticed it culver two or three times.
Mr.. Suburb-That isn't u scarecrow.
That's the hired man working for forty
dollars a month and board.-Good News.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Hubby-I've just been in to get
weighed; have gained ten pounds.
Fogg-So? What did you have for
breakfast?
Hubby-Only a couple of biscuits.
Fogg-Your wife's?
Hubby-Of course.
Fogg-And only gained ten pounds?
Something must be wrong with the
scales.-BoSton Transcript.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
A Natural Request.

"And are you an old sea dog, as they
say?" asked the fresh young m
~ ham," returned the sailor.
"Do let me hear you bark" said she.
Judge.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Mr.. Wrinkle?
She-Bccausc he's too stingy and
mean. Why, he won't ever laugh at his
own eXpenSe.-Life.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
DISENCIIANTMEN

| wrote her an eloquent poem
That bristIcd with fancies sublime;
IL O'ertiOwed with the frrvOr of passion
And my heart to it's music kept time.
! gave il, and asked her to read it,
And awaited my destiny mute;
When she finished and looked up and
giggled
And murmured, ooh, isn't il cute?"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
At Manhattan Reach.

Guest-I have had n bottle of ale an6
an oyster stew. How much do you get!
Waiter-The landlord gets a dollar
and a half, but | can't tell how much
get, but gentlemen never tip me with
less than half a dollar.-Texas S%iftings
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Katie tagged five years, who doesn't
like to say "please')-Papa, pass the
bread.
Papa-If-what, my dear?
Katie-If you a reach it.-Munsey's
Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
The Gentle Art of Criticism

The Portuguese have Il delicate and
graceful art of combining doubtful com
pliment with undoubted criticism with
out committing themselves either way.
'First, God made man." says INT Of
their poets, land matched hat work
with woman, as the tower would be IN
finished without the mediterranean
Judge.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
A Query,
ACCOUNTED FOR.

Is an upstart aristocracy known as a
Goldfish aristocracy because it has more
bone than bloOd?-Puck.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
4 Convict.

Pa" said Bobby, look at that
striped horse"
And the old farmer gazed on the zebra
at the circus and said: YES; looks ez if
he'd escaped from some penitentiary,
b'goSh!"-Jud~c,
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Poet-You always tell me that my
poems are too long, so l have brought
one of two lines only. What do you
think of it?
Editor-Same as usuul-it's too long.
-Munsey'S Weekly,
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Mlrried Tor Snitr.

She-Why did a young man like him
marry that elderly woman?
llc---To get ever with her daughter
for being a sister to him. Kate Fields
Washingtc"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Amy-Is it true that your engage
ment with Mr.. bunker is broken off?
Mabel Cholding up her left hand)-
No; you can see for yourself that am
still in the ring.-PuclI.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Time for IA Reform.

eve measure neat by degrees, don't
we, papa"
I'VE used to, my son; but in these
days of humidity it would be more
proper to measure it by the quart
Judge.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Two Things Mt Once.

Small Boy-Sis says you have the adj
vantage over her. You can cat and
talk at the same time.
Young Man iIow's that?
"You talk through Your nose. Jury.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

"What did you e by writing q
love letter to my wife, sire"
why shouldn't |? She's never
broken Off her engagement with me
yet."-Life.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
No Mnil.

Returned TouriSt-Your uncle is not
here, | see.
Nephew-N-o.
Tourist--lieard from him lately?
Nephew-Not since he died.-Good
News.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
A Wasted Article,

Rosalie-Here is an article on GLOW
to Utilize Waste Space" have you read
it?
Louise-No, indeed! Waist space
HIM; ] suppose the man who wrote it
was born without arms.-American
Clubman.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
En..ntnIv Innnrrnf

Jinlss-I see by the paper that your
friend Bloomer, of Bloomville, has got
into trouble.
Winks-What'S he done?
"Embe22lcd the funds OF the church.
That must have been some other
Bloomer. The Bloomcr I know didn't
go to church.'-N. y. Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Immigrant-At last | am in free
America. A man can do pretty much
as he pleases in this country, can he?
Native-Y-c-s, unless he's married.
n. Y. Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Maud guess George took me literal
~ when l promised to be a sister to him
last night.
Ethel-Why?
Maud-He SEN me this morning a big
bundle of b%uttoniess shirts and holey
socks, with a copy of Never too Late
to Mend."-Jury.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

81 think I'll go to the BROKERS' church
this morning"
What is that?"
1--WE get Il sermon over the ticker."-
Ibuplf
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
To What Str.lngc Use!

Crownson-P People in New York waste
water terribly
Col. Gore (of Louisville)-Ycs, I'm
told they drink Il good deal of it.-Mun-
scy's Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

She-Jack, that man is staring at me
dreadfully.
lle-Shall | go over and thrash him?
She-No; but do tell me if | look all
right.-Jury.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Miss De Pink (who wants u little in.
nocent powder for her complexion)-
Have you any-er-infant powder?
Druggists New Boy-We are just out.
ma'am, but if you'll leave your address
I'll get it to you to-day.
New Boy Ga few hours later)-Does
Miss De Pink live here?
Mr.. Nicefello-Yes, this is the house.
New Boy-Just goin' in, amt you?
Mr.. Nicefello-Yes, my boy, l am
going to make a call.
New Boy-Well, I'm in a hurry.
Please give 'er this package. It's some
thing fer her baby.-N. y. Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

The Blusterer-Come on! Wouldn't
you fight IL gentleman?
The Cool Youth-Yes-that's just
why | won't fight -Munsey's
Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

Charles Lamb made some famous
puns, and, according to the London
Truth. his mantle seems t. have fallen
upon his namesal,c, Mr.. Charles Lamb
Kenney.
The popular journalist iustmentioned
was dining at the house of Il friend, and
by chance swallowed Il bit of cork with
his wine, which gave him Il severe
coughing fit.
Take care, my friend" said his next
neighbor, with II very brilliant attempt
ut a witticism; that's not the way for
cork"
NO." gasped the sufferer, Its the
way to kill Kcuncy."
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

"Hullo! where IS your engagement
ring? Is your engagement with Harold
off?'
''Oh, no, indeed! He took me out to
get some ice cream last night, and we
had to leave the ring as security for the
cream. Harold didn't have a cent
Harper's Bazaar.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
A Case of Heart Failure.

He-You said you loved me and prom
ised to marry me.
She-But you know how prevalent
heart failure is.-TeXas Siftings.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
A WeIl-Trained Voice,

Fair Passenger latter n western stage
robbery never heard anything so
imperative as that h~ighwayman's voice
when he commanded the driver to stop.
Little Boy guess he used to be a
school-master.-Good News.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

"Papa, What IS Iuck?
at is a quality, my son, that we de-
spise the more the less we have of it"
Judge
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10

"Why, this water is very warm,
Phoebe"
"Yessum. They amt bin no ice in
dat ar well scnce las wintah."-
Harper's Young People.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
The Chief Mourner.

"She may have n temper, but she is
interesting. Did she yer get over the
death of her husband?"
Eyes; but her second husband is in
consolable."-Lifc.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
TuE TROURIE.

She sings divinely-like a bird.
love her, too, but Pm afraid
| cannot wed her, for she eats
Not like II bird, but like a maid.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
In the Geography Glass.

Teacher-Where is the state of ILL
nois?
Smart Scholar-Near the center of
the city of Chicago.-Munsey's Weekly.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1891-10-10
Looking Cityward.

Western Magistrate - You are
charged, sir, with killing six of our old
est and most respected citizens. What
have youto say?
Prisoner-Thcy We're all of 'em rich
old penny grabbers wot was leavin' the
pest buildin' sites in town lie idle, wait
in fer Il higher price.
"Well?"
"Well, yer honor, | belong to the
village Improvement society."-N. Y.
Weekly.