The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1891-10-02
GLIMPSES OF LIFE,


speedily remedied by the Pellets. One dose
II GLIMPSES OF LIFE.
Southern POliteness.
, The Judge-Majah, you're tool, sab.
The MajOr-Judge. you re drunk, sab.
; The Judge-I know 1t, but:I ,shan't be to
morrow, sab, and you'll always be fool
sab.
Cause for Anxiety.
Visitor-What great head OF hair john!
Johnny's Father with some uneasiness)-
Yes, and we can't get BIN to take any care Of
1t. 1t worries me a good deal. l am afraiC
the boy is going to be either an Anarchist OF
a poet.-[Chicago Tribune.
In Luck.
"Of course the world owes every man liv
ing. What is man here forw
Q"You do not seem to be making much eff
fort to collect the debt"
"Oh, my wife Is attending to that part of
It," continued Mrs. Hashcroft's husband
emptying his schooner with satisfied air.
A Cure for Vanity
SIT Is an odd thing; Jones is such modest
man that never saw him look In the glass,
and yet he wears the loudest kird of neck.
ties"
"He doesn't dare to look in the glass. my
boy. His wife buys his neckties."-I From
Puck.
Teacher: Now, who can tell me the differ
ence between thought and meditation?
Johnnie: Meditation is thought that has
been chewed on.
Applying at Headquarters.
81 understand that you have been attend
ing the lectures on First Aid to the Injured,
Miss RosaIie," said the young man.
"Yes," answered the sweet girl.
/ vOsp to1l mo vryhfa
youth, drawing little nearer, "what you
would do for bro-broken heart?"-[New
York Truth.
Miss De Pink's Purchase.
Miss De Pink (who wants little innocent
powder for her complexion)- Have you any
-er-infant powder!
Druggists New Boy-We are just out,
ms'sm NIB but d i you leave your address I'll send
New Boy "a few hours later) Does Miss
De Pink live here?
Mr. Nicefello-Yes, this Is the house.
New Boy-Just goin' In, Amt you?
Mr.. Nicefello-Yes, my boy, am going to
make call.
New Boy-Well. Pm In hurry. Please
give 'er this package, It's something for her
baby.-[N. Y. Weekly.
Cure YOURSELF
Don't pay large DOCTORS bills. The best med
ical book published. one hundred pages, elegant
colored plates, will oe sent you on receipt OF
A. p. Ordway & Co.. Boston, Mass.-aov.
The FirstBorn.
Young Father-''I am amazed, shocked,
my dear, to hear you say you intend TO give
the baby some paregoric. Don't you know
pareg0ric Is opium, and opium stunts the
growth, enfeebles the constitution, weakens
the brain. destroys the nerves. and produces
ricketts,, marasmus, consumption, insanity
and daafhS
Young Mother-Horrors! I never heard a
word about that, won't give the dear little
ducky darling drop, no, Indeed. But some |
thing must be done to stop bis yelling. You
carry him while.
Father (after an hours steady stamping
with the squalling infann-Where the dick
ems Is that paregoric?
How Papa Said Grace.
A gentleman and his wife, both of whom
were greatly respected by their neighbors
for their Christian charity, entertained Wis.
lting clergyman from distant city. Among
the guests we're members of their own little
church. The bright little daughter of the
host was greatly interested In the good doe
tor, and very curious to know why people
should say grace before dining. The doctor
was pleased at the question and fastened to
inform her that all good people endeavored
20 return thanks In that manner for the good
hings which were given.
"Yes, "excaimed the little iDquisltive, "but
'ou don't say grace just like my papa said
asst night"
"How did your papa say grace, little girl!'
Well, papa came In, and as soon as he got
n his chair at the table he looked hard at
mamma and said very solemn like: My God,
What superb"
Insisting on Accuracy. Il
The prize-fghters were In their corners, t
waiting the call Of time. ~
"May tine best man win !" yelled an excited q
nan In the crowd.
The referee, a man from Boston, raised his 8
..Hold =, he exclaimed, in voice of thun. v
er. 81 cannot permit that to pass uncor. e
,cted. May the better man win! Proceed a
18th the contention. gentlemen. The moment II
rs arrived" q
ALiteral Truth. o.
"Did any man ever kiss you before. dar. :,
e the first" And the recording angel
d'nt need to drop tear to blot out the fb.
II he was the first that had kissed her that
". IF
Class IN German. Stand Up.
Teacher in Elementary Germsn-Now, Miss :
ildred, you may decline kiss.
Miss Mildred Slowly Excuse me, but
MT think kiss can be declined. never
uld decline one.-[From the University
agszine.
How are you getting on with the pianoy'
ked Alphonso Of his best beloved Matilda.
)h, very well; 1 can see great progress In
= work., "How Is that?' "Wel, the fam -
that lived next door moved away within q IA
EEK after l began to practice. The next i
ople stayed month, the next ten weeks,
d the family there now have remained
Arly six months."-tNew York Weekly.
typographical Errors.
Editor (wildly) Il am Enthusiastically
med.
the matter now. n
the mattery Why In my -
tice Of Col. Jsnes' marriage plainly wrote
be ready and waiting bride advanced to
altar hung with lilies and rose leaves"
D, eonfound YOU! here's the way IL reads
the paper: The wretched and weary bride NJ
Dced to the halter, hung with liars and W
rse thieves Go of In the woods and hang ~,
ir.eh. don't want to waste buckshot on W
NIL Atlanta Constitution. Al
For Over Fifty Years NJ
rs. WINsLOw's SOOTHING SYRUP has been w
"a for children teetbing. Ii soothes the
I'd, softens the gums. sllays all pain, cures