The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-03-13
DEACON VS.. PARSON.

The Rev. Josiah Franklin Squinteye had
only accep'ed the paStorate of the Porcu-
pine Hollow charge three months previous
to the time Of which we write, yet during
this time the parson had made great host
of friends-especially is this assertion true
SO far as the female portion of his flock
was concerned.
1t is well established fact that the peo-
pie of Porcupine Hollow believe and prac-
tice the doctrine of marrying and multi
plying the inhabitants of Arkansas in the
fullest sense of the term, and if Il mans
wife dies he has another selected to take
her place by his fircside before his late
lamented" gets cold, so that accounts for
the scarcity of widows and widowers in
that region.
AS before intimated, the parson was cut
ting big swath among the marriageable
women of his charge. In some manner
the intelligence preceded him that he was
a bachelor, and the fair members of his
flock formulated a series of resolutions
each in her own mind to outrival her sis
ters Every art known to the feminine
mind was brought into requisition, and
for two months it would have been ex-
tremely difficult to conjecture who would
gain the ultimate victory.
After two months had flown by on rapid
wings, however, the parsons heart lay at
the feet of an unpretentious but lovable
damsel, and for the next month his atten-
tions were given to her exclusively. That
fact had caused many of the good sisters
to grow green with envy, because one Of
their more modest number had won so
much attention from the parson, while
they were left at the mercy of the few
eligible men in the matrimonial market.
Outside of this there had been nothing
to mar the fraternal harmony of the par
fsh, nor had anything of an exciting char
acter happened since the parsons advent.
On Saturday evening, however, Deacon
Derby sent for the parson to visit his wife,
who was then wading out into the chilly
waters of death, and she passed over the
divide in a few minutes after the arrival
of the parson.
The parson tried to console the deacon
on the ground that this loss was his wife's
gain, and spake in very hattering terms of
the departed, to which the deacon replied:
"Ya-as, Sindy wuz er mighty dootiful
wife, an wuz er mos powerful hard wurk-
er. an only las week she hoed Their ter
hacker down in Their bottom field, cut Their
sprouts outen the moo groun' corn on ther
ridge, toted cr sack err corn ter mill, cleared
ther brush often that air acre lot down
thar by Their crick fer er turnip patch, an
made two hundred rails arter dom Their
housewurk, an yit We hev' Their gall to say
AT l orter to be consigned an not complain
ner grumble ner nothin', wen tier haint
er womarD in Porcupine Holler 'at 'uld do
nigh ther wurk 'at she'd do"
"Oh," said the parson, 81 know it would
be hard to find her equal, and realize that
you will miss her very much, but her lot
here was full of labor and now that she is
at rest you should look forward to the time
when you will meet again"
"Ya-as, mebbe that air SO, but it do pear
purity rotten bad at she he'd ter up an die
jes' at Their very busiest part O. the yer,
an it'll take nigh fifty pounds o my las
yer's terbacker crap ter put Ter erway, an
then thar'll be ther terbacker ter sucker'n
worm ergin mex week, an Pm ded sartin
ter hefter do it myself"
ayes, but grumblinS will do no good
now, my dear brother, and then your wife
was a faithful Christian, and has gone to
that blissful cline where the weaTj' are at
rest, and therefore we should be glad even
in our sorrow for her blessed hope Of a
bright future"
''That pears ter be all We preacher fellers
think erbout, but ye never onct think o.
Their expense wat err man is put ter wen his
wife draps off. I'ye had four wives aside
Sindy, an wen they upt an died he'd ter
bury 'em, an its cost me ernuff ter keep
me in terbacker'n Ticker fer four year ter
put 'em erway un'er Their daisies, but es We
say, guess it's no use ter argy emmy longer
Prh0nt IL ThorfS nj Inn r,1n l.
down thar in Their boss shed AT he'd sorter
sot my mind ter use fer err terbacker box
Fat we kin make her coffin outen, an eff
Yell be erbleegin' ernuff ter AK old Dan
Skinner ter come over an help me make
ther coffin Pll be erbeeged ter ye."
II will do So" said the parson, "but
when will the funeral take placew
"Termorry, o. co.'s"
The funeral was largely attended, and
being the first at which the parson had
officiated in the parish he delivered an elo-
quent Grafton.
The next day half dozen men were
seated on log in front of the store, and
the conversation naturally drifted to the
late bereavement of the deacon, and one
finally said:
wonder who ther deacon III hitch onter
next?"
HE tole me vile we wuz maxim Their
coffin" said Skinner, "'at he had sot his
eye on Indy Wells"
"Goshimighty," exclaimed Tom Jump
er, "but Their parsons got 'er solid enuff"
ether parson hes bin err sottin' ter Lindy
shore huff but I've err mind ter bet err plug
er moo priced terbacker at ther deacon
knocks his eye ont 18th Indy less'n er
week." rejoined Skinner
'Ill go ye," said Jumper
"Say, who's that err comm down yam
derS" asked one, pointing toward the fur
Their side Of the little stream.
TITS ther deacon, bedad," said Squire
Munger
Hello, Deacon" said Skinner, as he APP
preached the crowd.
"Kin'er blue terday," said the deacon,
taking chew Of long green as he sat
down.