davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03
THE JoKER's BUDGET.
Blamed the Types Plenty of Time
for sleep-Pressed Into TIA
Misunderstanding, Etc, Etc.
RLAMEp rnE rYPEs.

Lecturer (hopping mad ] want
you TO apologize for your outrageous
criticism.
Acknowledgements? / thought your
lecture was highly praised,
Lecturer Web, il was, except where
you sayi talked in a jackass strain for a
few moments.
Editor.-Jackass Jackassi Why, my
dear sir, | wrote '.jocose. - Truth.
PLESrY or TINE FOR SLEEP.
''If your husband stays out so late
every night, should think he would suf-
fer from loss of sleep"
''Oh, he has oil day to sleep, he is
serving on jury."--[New York Press.
PRESSED INTO IT.
IL thought you said you never would
accept Charlie" said Maude.
$50 debut he put his arm around
me when he proposed, and-well,
yielded to pressure, ? returned Ethel.
MISUNDERSTANDING.
Pawnsonby-Hello, Bronson, old fellow!
Where are you putting up now?
Bronson-Same old place-Moses A.
Isaacs-ITruth.
AT THE BoARDING-BoUsE TABLE.
"Well, I'm rather stuck ON you" re-
marked the fly to the clearinghouse
butter, as she slumped in.
''Keep your grip on him, you're strong
enough" said the sugar to the butter, and
the latter replied:
"Well, you have got sand"
This made the cheese laugh so hard
that it fell to the floor, and the sugar got
his revenge by exclaiming:
''How are the mitey fallen!"-[Minne-
apolis Journal.
a THE DIFFERENCE.
Burnand-Say, Gilbert, what's the diff
ference twixt the trials of life and a cot
on the deck of an ocean steamer in a
gale?
Gilbert-Give it up.
Burnand-First are hard to bear and
the second is hard to lion.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

THEY don't like trusts and corners
even in Russia. The Governor of
Nizhnee-Novgorod has warned the
spectators that those who form @cor-
ners" or attempt to raise the price of
grain will be punished and expelled
from the territory under his iurisdic-
tom hN Mfft
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03
TnE OTHER EXPECTED.

THE OTHER EXPECTED.
Jake (highly indignant)-I learn that
two idiots are comipgto see you now.
Cora (Complacently) Possibly, but
only one has got here yet.
COMPARISONS.
Mamma" said Phil, walking gravely
out of the study evidently bearing a
heavy mental load, "when you smile at
me like that your expression is as sweet
as-as saccharine,"
Thank you, dear!' replied his mother,
with double appreciation, "do you think
you could move this secretary for me to
dust behind it,"
II can't do it," replied he, after an un-
successful attempt, ''tis as heavy as irri-
dunn"
Then hand me the duster."
''Oh, yes. Its us light as lithium.
Now may go and play ball with cousin
Will till dinner timer"
"Not to-day. may need you"
"Just few minutes?"
"No."
Mother" said Phil, "your heart is as
hard as rhodium." and he went back to
the library TO hunt some more respect
inducing words Pharmaceutical Era.
CASE FOR SYMPATHY.
"The hardened-looking wretch in this
cell, presume, said the fair caller with
a shudder, "is some low thief"
mo, miss, answered the turnkey, she's
the desperate william that killed his
grandmother"
"Why, he is the one I'm looking for!
Poor, dear mani" exclaimed the impulsive
young woman. "Tve brought you some
nice roast turkey and basket of fruits"
Chicago Tribune.
Young Man-How late do these street
cars run?
Conductor-Thcy run all night.
II am glad to hear that"
'Got job as night watchman?"
mo, but my girls folks are going to
move into this neighborhood. "-IGood
News.
As they stood on the beach where the
wovelets play,
She laid her head on his satin vest,
And lifted her lips in pouting way,
And-he did the rest.
-[Capc Cod Item.
THE ONLY RESOURCE.
Bond-I don't see how Charley Ander-
son can afford European trip.
Everett-lt's the only course open to
him. His creditors can't afford it,
New York Herald.
THE SYMPATHETIC CROOK.
Burglar-Your money or your life.
Victim from bed)--When | explain,
sir, that my wife and three daughters
have gone to fashionable hotel TO spend
q month
Burglar Enough; I'm pretty hard up
myself, but here's a dollar for you.
Exits weeping New York Herald.
MISLEADING AID.
''Pa, can any one keep lighthouses"
mo, my son, lighthouse keepers are
appointed by the Government"
''Wcll, anyhow, il says here in the
paper n gentleman and his wife want
three UNFINISHED rooms for light house,
kctpluS. W uShihkt oH Ost.
RATHER wEARIsoNE.
Maid--You got home early, Mr.. Binks.
Shall call Mrs. Binks2
Mr.. Binks (who loves joke)-Don't
tell her l am here. just say gentleman
wishes TO see her in the parlor.
elm afraid you'd get tired"
"Tircd?"
"Yessir. She'd spend bout two hours
maxim herself look pretty."--[New York
Weekly.
"a RAILRoAD DIRECTOR"
"And SO you're married, Bridget?"
Eyes, num-"
"What does your husband dor"
"An' shure mum, he is railrowd
| doirector."
"A railroad director! That's very
important place. Are you quite sure II
il thatf'
AN faith an doesn'th shtand all day
at the raiIrowd directing people TO the
carsf--LBoston Courier.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03
A PARADOX.

MY lady has dainty fan,
Before her face she holds it.
And when she folds the lovely toy,
Much beauty is unfolded.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

IT may strife one like carrying Goals
to Newcastle to establish a cooking
school in Paris, but this is what has
been done recently by the principal
chefs, in order that their art may be
perpetuateds 1t is said that marked
decline has been noted in the French
cuisine recently. This is ascribed
partly to lack of interest among
wealthy people and partly to the hurry
of business life, which has seriously
affected the Restaurants. The new
training school is intended especially
for French pupils, but foreigners will
be permitted to attend the lectures
and thus get some glimpses Of artistic
cooking.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03
THE SYMPATHETIC CROOK.

Burglar-Your money or your life.
Victim (from ed)--When explain,
sir, that my wife and three daughters
have gone to fashionable hotel TO spend
q month
Burglar-Enough; I'm pretty hard up
myself, but here's dollar for you.
Exits weeping. New York Herald.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03
THE ONLY RESOURCE.

Bond-I don't see how Charley Ander-
son can afford European trip.
Everett-lt's the only course open to
him. His creditors can't afford it,
New York Herald.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

PRONUNCIATION bees are now the
proper caper. They have been having
them at a number of the summer
schools this season, and they have
sueiu as .rnnah axeiken.ant 49, l,--sa-a-.
fashioned spelling bee used. They
are conducted on substantially the
same principle as the spelling bee,
only the words are spelled out and the
contestants must pronounce them. It
is probably safe to say that there are
more words mispronounced than are
misspelled by intelligent people, and
the pronouncing bee ought to be Topu-
lar in the cities next winter, Their
success would undoubtedly be pro-
nounced. = Boston Herald. II the
language were spelled phonetically
uniformity of pronunciation would be
established aud preserved all over the
nation. All teachers would then in
struct their pupils alike in pronuncis-
ton. But with the present hetero-
geneous photography the eye is misled
by the nonphonetic, deceptive spelling,
and contradiction and confusion result.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

On behalf OF the eompiIers Of the
Century Dictionary" Mr.. Benjamin
z. Smith has found it necessary TO is
sue an explanation regarding the pub
location OF the word "sheeney" with the
definition "a sharp fellow-hence
jew" and other kindred inserpreta-
tions Of the vulgar slang form. The
dictionary makers assert that it is their
business, not to find words or apologize
for them, but only to record them as
they find them used. This will not
satisfy the DIRECTORS. There are surely
many current slang expressions unfit
to find place in lexicon for general
use and not TO be properly classified
as part of our language. e M
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

+ The true Chicago spirit of enter
prise was exemplihed when the mem
bers of the Siegel- Cooper firm were
flying about to seek new quarters
while the flames were still feeding up
on their vast establishment. Fire does
not daunt a Chicagoan. He has had
too many experiences with it to be
cast down. Not long ago, when John
M. Smyth's great store went up in
smoke, the energetic proprietor sue
ceeded in locating new stock, and
was doing business again even while
the firemen were playing upon the
ruins of his burned establishment.
The typical Chicagoan defies the ele-
ments. When they attack him in one
quarter he retreats and throws up
other defenses near by. Siegel- Cooper
and Smyth are typical Chicagoans.
The latter is rebuilding, and tho for.
mer are already clearing away the
debris preparatory to laying the foup-
dations Of another great mart of trade
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

ANOTHER prisoner made his escape
from the State Prison at jackson by
SEALING the wall William Smith.
negro, sentenced to three years from
Oakland County for breaking into
store, was the convict He went out OF
the west wing Of the prison, scaled the
wall by means OF twelye-foot pole with
hook In the end. and took 20 hts heels.
No trace OF him can be found. He had
but forty days longer 70 remain in prison
before his time would have expired.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

First Statcsman-"How Is the ofiicis
Investigation into those Doodle charges
coming onf'
Second Statesman "Splendidly ,splen-
didly. We've succec led in not finding
out a thing"
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

Jake (highly indignant learn that
two idiots are coming to see you now.
Cora (Complacently)-Possibly but
only one has got here yet.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

As they stood on the beach where the
wavelets play,
She laid her head on his satin vest,
And lifted her lips in u pouting way,
And-he did the rest.
-[Cape Cod Item.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

New Yorker--Bccn over TO Philadel-
phia, eh2 Philadelphia is a slow old
town.
Chicago Man Gndignantly)-N Not
much il amt. It's got city Treasurer
that stole bout milion.-[New York
Weekly. N
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-09-03

Young Man-How late do these street
cars run?
Conductor-Thcy run all night.
II am glad to hear that"
Got a job as night watchman?"
mo, but my girls folks are going to
move into this neighborhood. "-IGood
News.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

On July 18th, 1890, when the McKin-
lev bill was under consideration by con-
gress, Mr.. Blaine said, in letter to Sena-
tor Frye, "But there is no. a section or
line in the entire bill that will open the
market for another bushel of wheat or
another pound of pork" Today Mr..
Blaine says that defect in the bill was
cured by the introduction of the reci-
procity clause. Freedom OF trade by any
other name will smell as sweet, and re.
ciprocity is only the back gate into the
field of free trade. Blaine is shrewd and
foxy, and sees that protection, as other
wise expressed in the Mckinley bill, is
closing up for the republican party all
other avenues Of escape from death, and
he would keep open one route for retreat,
even though it be the route Of free trade
under he name Of reciprocity.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22
EVERY PROSPECT PLEAsEs.

Aberdeen's mills are humming and
there are plenty of logs in the water.
The surveyors for the Northern Pacific's
extension on the north side have COM
pleted their work. and solved the problem
of building the road into the city. The
men who have thelargest money interests
in the city say we have got to have the
road, and the railroad men say we can
have it if we want it.
The coast survey steamer Gedney is
finishing through survey of the outer
ban, the result Of which removes a libel
from all the charts Of Grays harbor.
Altogether, Aberdeen can congratulate
herself on her material condition to-day.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

We are little too apt to fiatter our
selves that the American is way ahead in
all progressive movements; but the
newer country OF Australia is constantly
giving US pointers. The name of our inn
proved balloting system shows its origin.
and our next take from the continental,
island will be the adoption of its i'm
proved method Of transferring land, a
method that obviates overhauling musty
titles running back for so many wears.
This system is called the Torrens system.
after its originator, and the difference
between it and our cumbersome one is.
in the words Of student OF the system
this: "We register deed, and the deed
conveys the title. In the Torrens system.
the title is transferred by registration
certificate is given, which is duplicate
of the one preserved in the registers
Office, and is in law a certificate that
transfer has been made" With this
certificate in the hands OF the owner OF
the real estate, land can be as readily
and as safely transferred as government
bonds or railroad stock.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

s.Let Us raise our farm products at home.
instead OF sending to Portland and San
Francisco for them" This has been the
cry for the. last year, and doing it means
increased prosperity to Chehalis county
The county farmers alliance propose to
supply the market with fruit, vegetables
and farm products at the lowest living
market prices. If our merchants will
buy their products, the monev they pay
ont viii at once be spent with them, and
the unnatural drain upon our resources
stopped.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

The Florence West: Did you ever
think about it? A village newspaper is a
photograph OF the town in which it is
printed, and is the only evidence its
readers have of the towns prosperity.
Every business firm should be represent
ed by standing advertisement, large OF
small, that strangers mag get a good inn
preston of the place.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22
This from late copy of Hid and Leatd<

This from a late copy of Hid and LEATHER !:
Says the Aberdeen (Wash.) HERALD
The brig Tanner sailed from Weather
wax's with cargo OF lumber on Friday.
Well, In these days of progress, what
with improved wood and bark mills,
teaches and watts ad infinitum, ETC., a
tanner after all is pretty good one to
take care of lumber provided, always,
it be of the right SORT" Wonder if there
is anything significant in the fact
that the editor OF HID and Leather
printed this little joke right along side
Of an advertisement of Chestnut Ex-
tract''?
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22
Koch & Oakley's railway and

Koch d Oakley's railway and naviga-
ton guide for October has very good
map Of Puget sound and Western Wash
ington for afrontispiece. The map shows
the only railways in this vicinity running
from South Aberdeen to South Bend.
This should be changed from Ocosta to
South Bend, as it is the intention Of the
Northern Pacific to reach the Columbia
river via Ocosta and South Bend.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

there is any thing Of the star chamber
method about it2
Altogether the HERALD believes itself
fully justified in saying the school board
has been triumpantly inefficient
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

There is new paper, called Tie Rsgplf,
published at Port Angeles, that an
nounces TO the world that it is Published
I'm the interest OF the republic and its
telling millions; but the way Tie Ptqfle
lifted an editorial bodily from the HERALD
last Wee, wit .out credit, would indicate
that TIE PscPlk's interest" does not ex-
tend to tie ''toiling millions" of poor
editors
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

Some people are slow TO find it out, bu.
old and established newspapers are the
safest to support and trust. Their pro
prietors are generally SO tied down by
debt that they can't get away between
days.-Port Angeles Times.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

The reduction OF the assessment Of this
county - per cent. by the state board OF
equalization is the best news the tax
payer OF Chehalis county has had for
many long day.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

A Joggins' rat from Grays harbor is
talked Of With our western energy, it
seems strange that the experiment has
not been tired long before this.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22
September ED, 1891.

Following bill audited and warrant
ordered drawn: c. B. Douglas, architect.
warrant No. 10, Special, $75."
The HERALD has no objections to the
selection of Mr.. Douglas plans, provided
they were the best submitted; but it has
decided objection to the method of that
selection, as shown by the record. When
all plans were rejected, among which
were those OF other home architects, new
plans were not re-advertised for, neither
do the records show that any contract
was ever entered into by the board with
Mr.. Douglas for the performance Of this
work. The only evidence is the presenta-
ton and allowance Of this bill. Do the
taxpayers of school district five think
that an efficient and proper way of con-
Quoting business? Do they think it fair
to the other architects? Do they think
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

Ii you want to buy typewriter, either
cheap one or an expensive one. either
Tor cash or on the installment plan, you
can get bargain by inquiring at the
HERALD Office.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

If the w. G. L. U. could only proven;
money from getting tight, its mission
would be vastly EXTENDED
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22
August 25th, 1891.

"The bill of G. B. Douglas for archi-
tectural work on proposed school house
building for 1915, was presented, and
clerk directed to draw an order in part
payment OF same for $3.50"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22
THE SCHOOL BOARDS DEFEND
ERA MATTER OF RECORD

I Inc bNfkt11U Is pleased 10 atlenp- De-
tense Of the school board, against the
HERALD's charge OF inefficiency, by APP
plying such terms as stupidity, "dys-
pep;ic'' and s'meanness'' to the critic.
In default Of any good defense TO he had,
this il no doubt the best the BaLAfiH
could offer. and needs no further answer.
But when the BHLkfin. in its most laud-
able endeayor to show the school board
blameless, would have it appear that the
HERALD's criticism was simply because
the HEEALD's owner was disgruntIed, it
becomes necessary to say just few words
personally.
The BnA.1in was pleased OF angry
enough 70 say:
It is presumed that the HERALD owner
was corversant with this condition of
affairs before he urged the selection OF
this lite aud before he published his
criticism OF the board; he also knew it
before he offered one OF the lots in this
plat, OF which he was the owner. for sale
to the district. In this latter disclosure
is presumably the seat of his irritation on
the school house subject. He has proba-
bly, been unable to realize on the sale of
the lot.
Above all, newspaper should never
grow angry; and again above all, accord
ing to an ethical code frequently adj
vanced by the BnAktn, and one to which
it gives US great deal Of pleasure to find
ourselves as willing to submit as our
more or less esteemed contemporary, no
newspaper should look from the utter
ances OF newspaper to the private bust
ness Of the owner. And again, above all.
the statement by the Bulletin is apt to
reflect discredit upon the Bulletins Paul
Pry capacities as one not "conversant
with the condition" of the HERALD
owners private affairs, because Of the
fact, since personalities are thus made
necessary, that all the right, title, inter-
est and claim of the HERALD's owner in
and TO all lots on Terrace avenue were
entirely disposed Of before the election
was held to vote upon the question Of
site. He had no interest in Terrace
avenue and never urged its selection.
He exercised the great American privi-
lege Of voting for the site he thought best
and urged every body else to exercise
the same privilege. So much for the
impersonal Bulletin personalities.
As 10 the school boards inefficiency:
What would the readers of the HERALD
think of the efficiency of any SO called
business man, who, with the credit and
backing of school district number five,
started out in March to build a school
house, and in October was Just as far
from beginning as in March? The
Bulletin, too, has had access to the
records, but it did not tell the members
of school district FIVE that the bonds are
as far from being sold as ever.
There is another little matter of record
that reflects no small amount OF discredit
upon the board. As taken from the
record, it shows up in this way:
May 9th, 1891.
1T was, on motion, unanimously re-
solved that all plans offered for the new
school house be rejected
August 25th, 1891.
"The bill of G. B. Douglas for archi-
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22

1t was, on motion, unanimously re
solved that all plans offered for the new
school house be rejected"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1891-10-22
MRS. cRAHAM's

1t is not a cosmetic in the sense in which that
term is popularity used, but permanently beau
tines 1t creates soft, smooth. clear yelyety
skin and by daily use gradually makes the com
plexion several shades whittier 1t is constant
protection against the effects of sun and wind
and protects SIM burn and freckles and black
heads Will never come while you use it. 1t
cleanses the face far better than soap and water
nourishes and builds up the skin tissues and
thus prevents the formation of wrinkles Ii
gives the freshness clearness and smoothness
Of the skin that you had when little girl
Every lady, young or old ought to use it, as it
gives more youthful appearance to any lady
and that perm 1nently. 1t contains no acid
powder or alkali. and is as harmless as dew and
rs nourishlng to the skin dew is to the flower
PRICE 81. at all druggists and hairdressers. or
at Mrs Geryais Graham's establishment. los
Post street. San Francisco. where she treats
ladies' for all blemishes of the face or figure
Ladies at a distance treated by letter Send
stamp for her little book How to be beautiful y
N9mDlp Rnttlp mailed free to any lady ON
pdllplU UUlll6 receipt of 10 cents in stamps
to pay for postage and packing Lady agents
wanted.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1891-06-26

r room, out returned in few minute.
WIN tremendous ST. Rernard mat a.
me. me mail arrived which was to be dis.
T n ou as:,, ana made up for Buchanan.
~ nne cnlld held her dog and corralled
s we crowd Notwithstanding their threats
suu kept them shut up until the Mavor
happened along and prevailed upon the
S en- to take her big st. Bernard away
:. Inc train which had been waiting for
me mail had left, however, by this
tme, and the citizens of Buchanan
1alled to get their mail that dav