The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1891-06-19
HE VOTED STRAIGHT.
[Nattonul Denlocrat.l

was one ofthem "fool farmers" yes
| I'll own it like a man,
| There was plenty of us fashioned on the
| same peculiar plan;
And I've lived out here in Kansas more
than five and twenty years,
| A growing poor and poorer, as it GER
| tainly appears.
1 seldom read the papers-I work too
hard for that,
| And never knew why got lean while
other men got fat;
1 didn't fool with politics. had too
much to do;
But always voted as 1 shot, and as
they told me to.
The day before election, just imagine
my distress,
When ketched my wife a-readin'-now
81. whatever would you guess?
A free trade publication, and, to make
it worse, she said
She'd read it regular each night before
she went to bed;
And, do you know, that wife of mine
just faced me up and down
That farmers slave to make few mo-
nopolists in town.
/ always try to get around these warm
domestic spats
But when I praised protection, she
laughed and answered "Rats."
bristled up; it kindled all the senti-
ments of strife -
To think this free trade stuff should be
cOFrupting of my wife:
! quit her then and there before her
argument was through,
rule TO do.
That night we had Q campfire, and our
Congressman was there;
We gave him "John Browns Body"
when he went to take the chair;
1 wore my old blue uniform to spite the
Democrats,
But all the time wondered what Mary
meant by "Rats."
Our Congressman was eloquent; he
made stirrin' speech;
! could almost see the battles smoke
and hear the bullets screech;
And he bade us vote as we had shot on
Malvern Hill,
We rose with one accord and cried with
one acclaim, "We will"
We sang the good old war songs, and
we ate a mess o. beans,
And we passed the evenin' pleasantly
recallin' bloody scenes;
And we took the straight out tickets
and we pinned 'em on our hats,
But all the time / wondered what my
Mary meant by "Rats."
When reached home L noticed that
my Mary wore smile,
Which seemed to me as indicatin'
storms ahead, or bile;
To head her off said, "YOu'n call me
For to-morrow will be the hvest day
free trade will have this year."
Next mornin' just at sun up, as l rose
aud rubbed my eyes,
A wonderin' what she meant by "Rats"
= | saw to my surprise
Ny clothes and hat and boots all rang
ed in order on the floor,
And bearin' each a card I'd swear
never saw before;
My flannel shirt displayed this sign
"TaXed 95 per cent"
NV trousers, "Taxed IOO"-so this is
what "Rats" meant;
r,l,rN
My coat and hat ''2OO,r with "Protec-
ton makes us thrive,"
went to fill the basin and noticed as
/ came,
"Taxed 45 per cent" Great Scott the
towel said the same,
The soap was marked at 5000" AS sI
dropped it on the floor
/ chanG6d to see the scuttle full OF
coal chalked "2I."
passed into the kitchen, and il gives
me pain to state
That my wife nad On wooden dress
stampeas"Only 49,"
And in shUoing out a guinea hen she
made a little dive,
Which showed a pair of stockings With
a card marked "35."
The baby in his little bed was lynn fast
asleep;
always held the little chap as most un-
common cheap,
But when L saw them cards on blanket,
pillow, crib and sheet,
felt Il lump rise in my throat, knew
that was beat.
No IN after where l went / struck them
little signs,
The stoves, the plates, the knives the
forks the widow sash and blinds.
The scissors, needles, thread, all bore
that terrible per cent;
Bigosh, didn't dare to ask what card
was on the rent.
That was the shortest meal ever ate in
all my life,
And as left the table in remarking to
my wife
That was going to the polls, she help
| ed me with my coat
And said, 81 reckon, needn't tell you
how to VOTE"
| I walked, down to: my votin' place; 1t
| looked like every yard
| Was fall OF farmin' implements which
| bore little card
| And seemed to say, from plow to spade,
| from thresher down TO axe,
| "GOod mornin, John, and don't forget
| the tariff is tax"
| 1 voted straight, oh yes, no doubt of that,
| 1 voted straight,
| But not exactly in the way expected OF
| my State;
| And 1 showed the boys the little card
provided by my wife.
! That night our Congressman took for
eYer.leaVe of public life,
I was one of them "fool farmers" dur
ing five and twenty years;
i But I've learned a lite common sense,
4 as doubtless now appears;
You can run and tell Mckinley-and-
say-don't forget to state
That we've voted out in Kansas, anC
we've voted darned near straight