Waterbury evening Democrat., 1891-05-23
A DEFUNcT PROFESSION.

A Former Witness to Character Bemoans
the Degeneracy of the Age.
An elderly man, rather shabby as to
attire and real red as to nose, some
what watery as to eyes and berry as to
breath, stood near the Tombs the other
day, and lifting up his voice bemoaned
his lot
Business" he said, in mournful &C
cents, lis gone to the dogs. The city
is gone to the dogs, the courts is gone
to the dogs and the judges is gone to
the dogs. Everything is goin' to the
dogs"
Having thus settled the ultimate
canine tendency of everything, the
elderly one relapsed into silence, but
only for a moment. When he spoke
again it was with an air of bitterness.
Mice judges they're maxim now
aday," he said; ''reg'ler pretty judges,
that's what they are.
why, I had a case on hand to-day.
First one had for weeks. Friend of
mine got pulled in. Detective said he
stole a watch! My friend said he didn't!
Who was to believe? Friend, of course.
Friend sent for me to go to court an
swear to his character. Invent. When
my friend was arraigned 1 went up to
testify.
What do you want?' says the judge.
Want to testify to prisoners good
character says 1.
Do? says the judge.
Yes says 1.
Who's goin' to testify to your good
character?' says the judge. And then
everyone laughs.
''Then the judge went on to say that
he guessed that sort of thing was played
out, an so was done out of three dol
lars was to get for testifying. tell
you things is goin' to the dogs"
Then he drifted away in the direction
of wet goods establishment near by.
Upon inquiry it was found that in a
sort of a way the ancient pessimist
spoke truly according to his lights. He
was in former years one of class all
too numerous about police courts. He
was a professional witness as to good
character in the case of prisoners who
had to prove the existence of such in
connection with themselves.
Incidentally, too, his class found
bondsmen now and then for persons
charged with various offenses, or they
acted rs go-betweens in other matters
of similar character. They fattened
on prisoners brought into the smaller
courts in more ways than can be readily
described.
The witness to character had always
to maintain an air of outward respecta-
bility. He was dignifed and pompous
| in manner. And he was usually gifted
with a lively imagination. This
| was necessary when he was called
upon, day after day, to supply
| nicl1el-plated characters to men whom
| he had never seen twice in his life So
his fees were good and he prospered.
He lasted longer than the professional
straw bail men. In fact, tit is but OF
late years that he has fallen upon evil
| times.
When the newspapers got after the
police courts and showed up the loose
and corrupt manner in which they were
conducted, judges became more careful
| in accepting the testimony of hired wit
nesses. And then the professional wit
ness as to character found life full Of
| trouble.
The one referred to is about the last
of his kind. He hangs about the police
courts, picks up odd jobs of one kline
| and another, and rails at all things, es-
pecially the newspapers. And so he
lags superfuous on the stage, and there
seems to be no sorrow abroad becaus
of this.-N. Y. Mail and Express.