Los Angeles herald., 1891-09-21
THE SUMMER BACHELOR.
MARIA TINKER TELLS ALL ABOUT
HIS PECULIARITIES.
A Reply to the Author of "rhe Summer
Grip - Maria Evidently Knows ALL
About the Subject.

[Some weeks ago an aspiring young
literary man wrote a paper entitled
''The Summer Girl" for the HERALD.
The writer evidently is referred to in
the following article, the author of
which is evidently we'll informed on the
subject matterl;
The Summer Grip must have COM
peer, and we recognize him in our
friend, the summer bachelor. As we
have read the labored description of her
traits and evolution, would it not be ad-
visable to inform ourselves of his fea-
lures and possibilities:
To begin with, he is not original. He
is not after his own kind, but is evil
IDENTIFY after another genus which he
seems unable to catch. His age is un-
certain and he reminds one of that
great and wonderful animal, the ''gias-
ticutis," whose origin dates back to the
flood. Not even his average age can be
calculated with any degree of accuracy.
That he has talent is unquestionable
and the public are breathlessly awaiting
its development, anxious to know
whether he will come out the president
of the United States or tin peddler.
He is literary. He is an Oscar Wilde
in embryo, and weresthe world acquain-
ted with his rare productions, the fixed
stars in the armament of our literary
heaven would melt away under the daz-
zling rays of the rising sun. His intiu-
ence or the world as yet, is not great
but, when we consider his adolescence,
we can but predict for him most bril-
liant future.
He is versatile genius. His range
of thought reaches from Woman's Rights
down to the cost of peanut. His
themes, however, are Loves Dreams,
The Rose-covered Cot, The Summer
Girl and The Affinity of Hearts, and his
study of anthropology is limited to the
Limians.
He is philosopher and can calculate
the exact time it takes one OF Cupid's
darts to fly from the depths of his alb
sorbing buttermilk eyes to the impene-
trable though badly SCARED heart Of the
Summer Girl.
AS financier he is without a peer.
He can calculate the expenses of an
evening to fraction of cent. Although
that "sacred precinct, his heart" is
easily penetrable, his pocketbook still
remains invulnerable.
To add to his other charms, he is a
musician, and no entertainment is COM
plete without his lung capacity being
properly displayed. The balmy zephyrs
often bear to our unwilling ears the
strains OF some original, amorous, heart
rending ditty, which unveils the pathetic
''longings of the soul Within" He is
not at all fastidious in the selection of
the one,
'sTo broil his steak
And fry his fritters,"
but recognizes in every female he meets
the one so fore-ordained. Poor forlorn
always reaching after the unattainable.
Although today the summer bachelor
is in a state of innocuous desuetude, let
us gaze with commiseration on such a
lackadaisical sycophant, and live in the
hope that some day the scales may fall
from the eyes OF the famous Four Hun
dred and that they will make room at
their tables for our literary and accom-
plished friend. MARIA TINKER.
Affections of the bowels so prevalent in chill
dren, cured by Simmons Liver Regulator.
Mullen. Bluett Co.'s elegant overcoats.