The Portland daily press., 1891-09-19

Jones (Wn0 Is learning 10 rue, 10 tno rlulnB
master as he picks himself up)-How much did
| you say it was for learning?
''One dollar an hour"
land do you count in the time that we're
| thrown off?''
II sick heada che Is misery, what are
Carriers Little Liver Pills If they will positively
cure it? People who have used them speak
| frankly of their worth They are small and easy
to take.
Taking Food Out of Their Mouths.
"There amt a-goin to be good lvin In trampin
| this season." said Raggles.
"Pm afraid not" said Tatters. "These here
cookin schools is teaching the gals how to use up
| the cold wittles."-New York Epoch.
After a sea diet. to prevent boils and assist ac
| cimation, use Ayers Sarsaparila.
| 1t Suited the Deposits
"Oh. What precious little money bank" ex-
claimed visitor at the Fangles, as she examined
/ Freddy's birthday Gift.
"Yes." said Freddy, land there's precious little
money il it toO."-Detroit Free Press,
| Ayers Ague Cure is warranted to cure all cases
| of malaria. Sold by druggists. Price 81.
L ddrQ Lines.
Trotter-Its hard luck TO have homely prima
donna In comic opera.
Foster-Why so?
TrOtter-Because all the chorus girls have to be
just so much Notwithstanding Telegraph.
The best remedy for gray hairs is Halps vege-
table Sicilian Hair Remover.
A Remarkable Pig.
newly married lady iwho recently graduated
from Vassar college is not well posted about
household matters. She said to her grocer not
long since:
Il bought three or four hams here couple of
months ago, and they were very hne. Have you
any more like tnem?"
Eyes, ma'am,' said the grocer, "there are ten
OF those hams hanging up there"
Are you sure they are all off the same pig?"
| eyes, ma'am."
"Then IN take three OF them."Texas Siftings.
feel it my duty to say few words in regard
to Ely's Cream Balm and do so entirely without
solicitation. have used 1t more or less half a
year. and have found it to be most admirable. /
have suffered from catarrh of the worst kind ever
since was little boy, and never hoped for
cure, but Cream Balm seems to do even that
Many of my acquaintance have used 1t with ex-
cellent results. Oscar Ostrum, 45 Warren Ave-,
Chicago, Ill.
She (at the races)-Oh. Pm getting awiully in
terested! / want TO bet ON the uext race. Here
are five dolarsi
He Certainly. Which horse?
She-Which one is going to win?
Hell don't know.
She-How stupid Ask somebody
He-No one knows.
She-NO one at all?
He-NOt soul. . -
She-Um-well, guess 1 won't bet myself. 1t
isn't very ladylike anyhow. You bet Tor me-
New York Weekly.
will be found an excellent remedy
| for sick headache. Carriers Little Liver Pills.
| Thousands of letters from people who have used
/ them prove this fact. Try them.
81 wish had saved up money enough to pay
| my debts" said an impecunious man, sadly.
| "Why do you feel so badly about it?" inquired
| an acquaintance. at is your creditors who feel
badly, not you. Why do you wish you had saved
up money enough to pay your debtsW
| "Well, if only had, would be the richest man
| In this town."-Texas Sittings.
Overloaded.
You've eaten too much turkey,
And so you cannot work, eh!
Your head feels very murky-
Therti 1 don't believe could add another line
| and make it rhyme il had dollar for doing it.
| A few cents, however. viii cure me. To relieve
stomach and bowels from the effects OF overload
| ing, full dose of DIR. Perce's Pleasant Purgative
| Pellets is the best remedy. They operate gently,
/ yet thoroughly, and without gripping, nausea, or
other unpleasant effects. In vials convenient to
| carry.
Neck or Nothing.
81 might not be able TO cover as much ground
as you, said the camel to the elephant, "but If it
/ came to race could hump myself"
"And l." boastfully chimed in the giraffe,
"could beat both of you by a neck."-Baltimore
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