Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1891-03-04
FUNNYISMS.

There is nothing like being all brok-
en- up to make man see the necessity
Of mending his ways.-BurlingtoD
Free Press.
"Well," said Wright Field, as he
took his overcoat to the pawnbroker,
"here goes for three balls and bait"
yale Record.
Miss Reeder-You should read Dr..
Wier MitchelPs last story; the scene is
laid in the Lumber regions.
DR.. Schmerz-Ah, I see; in the
small .of-the-back-woods, you mean
Puck
Wibble-I wonder why ministers al
ways wear coats long?
Wabble-If you were country min.
lister with a $500 salary and a large
family you wouldn't ask such fool
question as that.-Terre Haute Ex'
press.
Towne-That's too bad about Ding.
ley, isn't it?
Browne-How? What's that?
Towne-Joined the silent majority.
Browne-What! Dead?
Towne-No, married. d.-Lincoln Jour-
nal.
In the afternoon papers of yester-
day John L. Sullivan had the good for
tune to whip Jake Kilrain once in five
rounds, once in nine rounds, and the
third time i'll seventy-two rounds a
record never equalled by any prize
fighter in history. Beside this, he was
arrested twice and fought two draws.
He had busy day.-Chicago Herald.
"Please ma'am, will you give me an
old suit of your husbands old clothes
/ am one of the Johnstown flood suffer.
ers."
"Poor mani Of course will. Come
right in. So you were in that dread
full food, were your"
"No, ma'am, but my wife sent all
my clothes to the people who were."
Washington Post.
Mr., Phunnyman (resding from an
exchange) 1t is aggravating for a
hungry tramp to find only fork in
| the road.
Mrs. P.-Except when he sees q
brother tramp approaching.
Mr.. P.-What difference would thai
maker
Mrs. P.-Meet on the k.-Phila'
delphia Press.
| Sweepstakes-Broom handles Ter
re Haute Express.
$50 you've been to Washington ?
said one farmer to another In an ad
miring tone.
eyes"
"Did you see our Congressman
there"
eyes"
"Didyou see the departments thers5
dyes"
| "Well, how did it all strike you
,nyhow"
"Well, I've come to the conclusion
that while Washington may have CAP
itol of the Government, 1t amt got tn
labor-not any to speak of."-Mer
chant Traveller.
OKLAHOMA HOTEL RULES.
Please don't empty the sawdust ou
of the pillars.
The shooting of a pistol is no eaus
for any alarm.
If you're too cold, put the oil-clot
over your bed.
Guests will not take out them brick
In the mattress.
Two men in a room must put u
with one chair.
Inc other leg OF the chair Is In th
closet If you need it.
Gents goin' to bed with their boot
on will be charged extra.
Caroseen lamps extra; candles fret
but they mustn't burn all night.
3 The rats won't hurt you if they q
n chase each other across your face.
e If it rains through that hole overhea
d you'll find an umbrella under the bee
Please write your name on the wa
: paper, so we know you've been her
g Don't tsre Of the wall paper to Ii
9 your pipe with. Nuff of that alread,
: Three raps at the door means the
is murder In the house and you mu
l. get up.
o If that hole where that pane Of gla
1t is out is too much for you, you'll find
n pair of pants back of the door to stu
s. in it.
n If there's no towel handy use pie
IS of the carpet.-North American.
IT ---~--
IA Tie leading lumber concerns
Georgia have organized trust to CO
y troll the worlds supply of long lie
IN yellow pine,
10 James Biggs, the sole survivor
= the HcLure Arctic expedition for