Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1891-05-08
Mossback Bitter.

phrased-
Hell hath no fury like woman scorncd:'
| Itis my opinion that Mr.. Con
greve wrote the sentiment in alb
solute folgetfulness of the disap
pointed politician. A "womal
scorned' is a concentration of tn,
unexpected and the terrible, NOR,
to be dreaded than an earthquake
Woman's field of retribution ex.
tends all the way from the tran
sient effects of the rolling pin tt
the lifelong heart-ache of divorce
Many time has slight derelic
tion of mine brought down upor
me the former, while an occasion.
al eccentricity has been threatened
with the latter. Often has frown
of mine burned the bread in q
manner that defes aIl the theories
of chemistry But | go off at q
tangent. wish to say that, had
Congreve known mankind as does
Solomon Mossback, undiscovered
statesman of Elm Narrows, he
would most likely have written
Earth hath no frenzy like election heat,
Nor hell fury like the fellow beat.
My son Theophilus tells me
this is not strictly grammatical,
but | insist it is to the point. In
this connection, l will say that
get Theophilus to revise my letter
each week, thus reaping at least a
doubtful benefit from his Normal
lore. Many of the larger words
are interpretations of his, which
serve as mahogany finish,
and for which l am very grateful.
Eight of the sixteen ounces to the
pound of things in the world are
in appearances. | have never
found anything entirely bad, ex-
cept my luck, SO IN my sons edu.
cation trivial advantage is some
times found.
The Democrats of the county
are beginning to wake at my hal
loo. There Is voice in Troy,
which has begun to make the Hec-
tors tremble. Several indignation
meetings have been held in the
neighborhood, at which Solomon
Mossback was spat on in eAigy.
The average Democrat can never
be enthusiastic without his whis-
key, or patriotic without his tobac-
co. [ have been promiscuously
censured and anonymously warn
ed repeatedly of late. All my
dogs howl lugubriously at night
now, and Mrs. Mossback saw the
last new moon over her left shoul-
der. She says there is trouble
ahead, and [ am apprehensive.
But to falter-would be ruin OF every
hope. Either the Multums will
pay me round figure for silence,
or Rome will continue to howl. |
need money, but have vast capa-
city for vengeance. Liberality and
sllence-parsimony and exposure.
The choice is with them. Not my
nature, but my experience, that
makes me what | am Innnmer-
able humiliations and defeats
have perverted my temperament
and hardened my heart. Doctors
locate the virtues largely in the
llver-but can a starving man be
called good liver? This is a
rather gruesome joke to base on
corn bread and buttermilk, but |
still can play hide and seek with
despair at times.
One day last spring | was in
Queen City. 1t was before the
primary, and good cheer smiled
at me from every corner. Almost
every hand-shake was good for a
treat. Somehow at certain stage
of conviviality, l always forget my
dlsappointments and own a new
to the Multums. II
L know it is a weakness, but even
Senator Carlisle is not strong In
like condition. On this occasion,
when party love was about score
of glasses in intensity, I became
boisterous. l cheered Cleveland,
etferson Davis and a few other
Democrats Justify
on the street few times, and then
offered to whip any accommodate
ing Republican in town who might
feel like contributing to my
for about ten seconds.
Municipal dignity WAS offended,
and aprice was about to be set on
ny liberty, when a candidate
warned me of my danger and took
he functionary with the love of
,rder to the saloon, while |
ook French leave of the town. So
t was with plain Solomon Moss
back. 1t was different lately with
young ana rising Democrat of
lancaster. This young fellow is
# blooded stock son of the
Midas of the Multums, who, O wing
o the repetition of pranomens, is
generally known as Junior" If
my one ever accused him of good
morals, the falsehoo1 was SO man
fest as to go unheeded. Yet he
vas nominated and elected to take
are of the county's money. So
powerful is money in politics. In
leed his dollars are brighter then
us intellect. as I learn he psva