The Port Gibson reveille. [volume] (Port Gibson, Miss.) 1890-current, 1891-05-13
Pension Troubles At the White House.

Pension Troubles at the White House.
These pension complication
bother us inmates of the white house
more than the general public sus
poets. /, in particular. have
scratched my head until | am al
most bald.
A case that worries the president
very much is that of the war widow
Locke. William Locke was a pri-
vate in an Illinois regiment. Being
at home on furlough, he assisted
IN celebrating the glorious Fourth by
firing salute. The cannon explod-
ed and William was badly injured,
and, although the enemy were not
within a thousand miles Of him, his
widow draws a pension.
The presidents attention was
called to the case in very forcible
manner by woman, who looked as
If forty-seven summers including
several grasshopper seasons had
passed over her head.
She had a green cotton umbrella
and hoosier accent. She talked
straight at US, nodding her head and
keeping time with the umbrella.
Il want my PENSION" she
squeaked.
Madam. I've not got it, replied
Harrison, with some of my sHauiter
IN mOdo, fortiter in re.
"Then you better get it." she
said, shaking the umbrella in his
face. Here I've been entitled to
a pension for years and | can't get
it, and you tell me. you haven't got
it.n
"Will you state your case p
My case is just the same as that
Illinois galoot, Locke, that I read
about"
"Was your husband killed by fir
ing salute on the fourth of July ?p
mot exactly, but it amounts to
the same thing. He came home on
a furlough and was injured at a
Fourth-of-July celebration. He
loaded himself with whiskey, and
while lying around unconscious
rebel sympathizer drove q wagon
over his leg. He mout as we'll have
died then and thar, for he was wab-
bly, in his gait ontil he did die year
before last"
" Your case is entirely different"
said the president.
"Whar's the difference?" ex-
claimed the excited woman, making
a pass at Harrison, thascaused him
to get behind me for safety.
"WasD't they both celebratin',?
Amt getting drunk on nTthe Fourth
just as patriotic as firing off a can
non2 And so you are from Iniianny,
too, and claim to be the soldiers
friend-you old fraud" and she
drew back to punch the executive
in the eye.
As it was with Napoleon, so it is
with Bill Snort. Ny brain is most
active when the danger is greatest:
Bursting into roar Of counterfeit
glee, exclaimed:
my dear child, don't try to fool |
us by saying that a young girl like
you, not over eighteen years of age,
is war widow. II any man SLAM
ders you that way let me know and
I'll knock him down"
Win you believe me, Major, so
susceptible is the female sex to fat
terry that the hard lines faded out of
her face, and long, bright smile
curled up under her ears Z?
"My dear miss | continued,
what you want is a position among
The pretty treasury girls. | think
me and Harrison can bring an infiu-
snce to bear that will secure you.a
position and in short time you will
be known as the belle ofthe treasu-
ry. That's better than being q war
widow, amt it ?"
"Oh, you are such q dear crea-
.ure," she murmured, as she took
her leave with beautiful smile
hanging on her features.
Perhaps her change of tune was
1ue, to some extent, to my promise
10 call at her hotel and talk il over.
II is strange what All effect great
personal beauty has on some fe-
males. Then, too, there is a charm
about my conversation that is ire
sistlble.
After she had left, Mr.. Harrison
'aid II shall always contend that
me of the worst results of the erebel-
ion is the war widow"
"That may be, Mr.. President, but
his war widow is right. She Is as
nnch entitled to o pension as the
widow of the soldier who was hurt
iring salute. The soldier who
ell out OF second-story window {
While trying to hang out the "Star-
'pangled Banner" in an intoxioat-
d condition, 10 entitled TO pension
I Locke is. So is the man whose
lorse got scared at Fourth of. July
+; so is the horse.
"How would ii do to pension ev-
rybody I? Pension the war CORE
pondents who did all the nard Iv-
ag. Pension the army contractors.
'ension the soldier who ran 80 hard
10 lost his wind. Let the whole
World understand that the real OBJ j,
cot Of war Ia the attainment Of l.
'ensions- Let us pension every II