The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-22
LIQUOR Drinking TO be Lie ensed.


Unique schemes for acquiring little
brief notoriety and somewhat Of political
prestige are growing so multifarious as to
become rather bewilderiug.
About the most extraordinary one that
has yet been announced is the remarkable
economic device by which Kansas City
councilman expects to enrich the municipal
treasury at short notice.
Under the intricate operation of his
presumably profitable plan, every citizen
who intends to imbibe any sort of intoxi-
cants is required TO 60 somewhere into the
interior of the city government and take
out license for that privilege. Charges
for such permits are to vary from $50 to $50,
according to the style of bitters to which
the applicant proposes to dedicate himself.
Before a gentleman in Kansas City can
become a registered and licensed public In
ebriate under this unique enactment it is
necessary that he shall first have his petit
ton signed by his wife. That would show
either that drunkenness is approved at his
house or that his wife was too timid to op-
pose his commands.
But the ordinance does not prescribe any
method by which man who has no wife
shall secure legally-inscribed Endorsement
of his contemplated course of debauchery
Nor does it provide for any rebates nor i'm
munity from fines when these licensed
"lushers" shall bring up for repairs in po-
lice court.
Just imagine the opening scene early ION
the morning of the first day" that such a
law should go into effect. On the front
bench in the clerks office a row of ''promi-
nent citizens" from college professors down
to ward politicians, with their money and
domestic credentials in their hands and an
eager and thirsty look on their mobile
features. Back of them the petty public
officials, soldiers aud citizens" down to the
luminous noses at tho rear-all anxious to
join the bioulous brotherhood.
Whether physical infrmity is to consti-
tute an exemption from taxation is not
stated. If not, then the man with the ex-
tempore cucumber collie, or an impromptu
snake bite would be placed in rather an en-
barrassing position while some one hustled
after license to save his life. On the other
hand, if medicinal purposes" constituted an
exemption, Kansas City would soon become
the sickliest town on this continent, and the
physicians would do the same sort of land
office business that they do in all prohibi-
ton towns. After awhile they would prob-
ably come to the wholesale method of SELL
ing medicinal 'indulgences" after the fash
ion Of the thrifty pope who used to thus
humor the medieval knights at 30 much per
humor.
Then there comes the stranger within the
city gates. This mode of taxation gives
him either an undue advantage or inhibits
him from taking a casual nip to mellow up
his diaphragm. In either event there is in
justice in it.
Should a man wish to change his tipple,
what's to DE done about it? Surely the city
could not afford to send around a vigllant
detective to keep tab on every registered
roysterer. That would cost more than the
city got Nor could gentleman reason
ably be compelled to produce his license be-
fore each drink. Neither could he be forced
to allow the booze inspector to taste his
tipple and see that it was ell right accord
ing to law before the registered imbiber
swallowed it. Clearly these things would
prove too Objectionable to be allowed. Con-
sequently every registered reprobate in
Kansas City would take out the very cheap
est possible flushing" license and then
drink what he liked.
Lest the name of the ingenious council
man who invented this marvellous scheme
should otherwise fail TO reach remote pos
terity in perfect state Of preservation it
were just as well to tell the world that his
patronymic is Dennis Bowes.
Notwithstanding the claim of Mr.. Bowes
that his wonderful idea would greatly
promote the cause of temperance" he still
insists that it would also greatly" increase
the municipal income to not less than
81, 00O, 900 year But there is just bare
chance that Mr.. Bowes is greatly" mis-
taken. Palpably he is far more familiar
with rum than arithmetic and greatly"
impressed with the potent allurements OF
the former.
Moreover when the aldermen of the mu-
inequalities of this country come to contem-
plate and marvel upon the symmetrical
beauties of the dead smooth" scheme that
Mr.. Bowes has laboriously constructed and
introduced, it were as well to bear in mind
that mis- front name is Dennis.