Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-08-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
The board of health-Three square
meals a day.
Adam was proudly conscious that he
never made a mistake in his boyhood.-
Teras Sytngs.
The work of tramp is very scarce,
and the demand for it is very great
Chicago Times.
The detective who is going round at
all hours reminds one of hunting case
watch.-Puck.
Women look into the back of book
first, because they always want to lave
the last word.-Puck.
True to some deep, mysterious law
Unfathomed by the studr IT.
The furnace now begins to draw
That all the winter wouldn't.
-NeiC York Press.
When you begin to argue with a man
and he talks loud, walk off and leave
him. You can't convert him. Galoeston
Meas.
"Tramp-"Can you put me on to
something2" Farmer (whistling)-''No,
but can put something on to you."-
Epoch.
Riches have wings. What they need,
according to the average mans idea, is
a tail that will steer them his way
Soneroille Journal.
81 am going to Venice" said the
banker. ''What fo:2 2" asked the cyni-
csl friend ssTo see how they keep
banks ahoat. y Truth.
'sDoes stamp collecting pay2" asks a
contributor. 1t does. Several men have
made large fortunes out of stamp collec-
tors.-Neao YOr1 Recorder.
''I really don't know how to get rid of
young Van Arudt. He is such persis-
tent and devoted admirer of mine"
"Why don't you marry him?"
He was a man who Dragged about
His lineage SO much that he
Was by his neighbors taken out
And hanged upon his family tree.
Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Oldie-"Why, daughter, you
broke that young fellow all up"
Daughter (who knows him)-"Oh, that's
all right. It's his normal condition. y
Washington Star.
81 have such an indulgent husband"
said little Mrs. Doll. "Yes, so George
says" responded Mrs. Spiteful. "Some-
times indulges too much, doesn't hep
Boston transcript.
When he was young he thought he knew
About as much as anyone;
But now he thinks he made slip
He is mot in it' with his son.
Puck.
Mrs. Brown-''I wonder why DR..
Finn didn't bowl" Mr.. Brown-'De-
votion to his profession as surgeon,
you know-he delights in cutting peo-
pie. ."-Munsey's Weekly.
In regard to modern languages, it is
said that the Chinese is the most difficult.
We find this out when we try to explain
to our Chinese laundryman that pair of
socks are missing ng.-Teras iSytings.
With money plenty, and no care.
He spends life that's Needless;
And in two senses we declare
He is man that Is needless.
81 guess Nippum can hold his own in
the world" remarked one of that gen
tleman's acquaintances. mo doubt of
it." was the reply. ''His own and a
good many other peoples. p Washing
ton Post.
'Where is that black cloud going tor
Asked the boy of his grandma dear;
And the old lady said, as she shook her head
''It's going to thunder, L fear"
Detroit Free Press.
Clergyman docking at the contribution
boxes)-"J Judging from the nlckles and
pennies, you must have thought when
asked you to remember the poor that re-
collection would do Just as well as col
lection. ."-Detroit Free Press.
The summer girl
Now takes whirl
In zephyr-wooing clothes;
Her ribbons gay
With the breeg-s play,
And she has bows and beaux.
--Nelo York Recorder
What fear hath chilled the giddy
throng2 What terror stills the merry
song9 What numbs the dancers flying
feet9 What woe hath come the house to
greets The guests from banquet table
hy with pallid check and glaring eye;
the landlord groans, the feeble clerk
turns off the gas, and all is dark. OF
light and love and mirth bereft, the lone
ly tavern still is left to hear Miss Dell
Sartay recite how "Jurfew Must Not
Ring Tonight. ."-Burdette, IN PAiladel-
phia Press.