The Press., 1891-04-02


 the legs, used piece of bed cord for sus- bender, put on his old slouch hat and start ed for the Wells residence, but Malindy was not at home. Two evenings after, however he found her there, and made his wishes known as follows:
 :. 'sWal, Lindy, I've he'd my eye sot on ye ever sence Sindy died, an Pm yere ter ax Sye eff ye're willin' ter jne me.'' ....
 "Jine you?' she asked in the most sar- castle and scornful manner she could com mand.. t'Ya-as." r. ..:. +. What do you mean?" ....st ..... "Ye know wat I mean, we'll ernuff. I want ye ter be my woman-ter jine me an live 'ith meter be my wife. Do ye un' erstan2" -..t .E "Of course I will notr' "Won't, eh?"
 s'No."
 "W'y" - .-r "', Don't want youP' ;"Purty sassy, ye air" .-.. | '''I can't help that. I don't want you, and will not 'jine' youl Do you understand that?" 15Al "Uh-huh."
 "Well, good night then," said the girl, as she started to leave the room. Say, hold on CT minit." |. What do you WantT demanded the girl. ,. .s..a-
 "Doncher think ye'd best change yer mind, gal?" .
 s..'Nol I shall never change it for youl You had better wait until your last wife gets cold before trying to get another, I think. But I would never marry at all if you were my only chance, and it is useless for you to press your suit any further"
 .Ye an ther parsons gittin' purity dad blamed thick, an reckon it's some O his doin's" -
 s'It makes no difference. You have al- ready killed five wives and I tell you now that you will never get chance to kill me- and you had just as we'll leave, or will make you"
 Say, gal, Eve got CT good hum fer ye, an ye 'uldn't hev much O ennything ter do, only sich little chores es cuttin' wood hoein' corn, suckerin' terbacker, an'"- 'Get out of here, tell you," shouted the girl, as she made for him with the broom, and he got up and shook the dust of the Wells plantation off his feet. Returning home he took a short cut through the mountains, and as he passed along the narrow path under the bluff on the river bank he met the parson, who, un- | conscious that they were rivals, extended his hand to the enraged deacon. But in- stead of grasping the parsons hand the deacon began to take off his coat and said
 ''Say, parson, yer've got me ter whup'' "What in the world is the matter with you, should like to know?" ''Thar's matter ernuff. I'll whup ye CT yell whup me, one CT tuther."
 "Why, man, what have I done to incur your displeasure in such a manner?'
 'Done ernuff, an I'll pitch ye offen ther hot Ilv into fI,a, Io pafson in his arms.
 The parson was by far the smaller man, but he decided to stick to the deacon closer than brother, while the irate deacon com menced backing off toward the bank, and, as he thought, to hurl the little parson into the cooling stream, they both fell over, and the parson seemingly rode down the em- bankment on the carcass of the deacon.
 The water was not very deep, but the parson was the best man of the two in the water, and after dipping the deacon under three times he asked:
 Have you got enough?'
 "Then I'll put you under until you do, and he dipped him three times more, and the old fellow yelled:
 "'Nuff. Lemme outen yere."
 When both were out and standing on the bank the parson said:
 "Well, deacon, as the matter is now over l would like to know what have done to make you treat me in this manner?"
 Wal, ye'ye. did a right smart. Fust, ye've spilled ther gal I wuz CT goin' ter hev fer my nex' wife, an now she won't jine me-"
 "Who is it?''
 "Lindy Wells.'"-
 "I have done nothing of the kind"
 "Ye air CT liar, an ye know itl Thar, take ernuther bath,'' and he made plunge for the parson, who was standing between him and the water, but the sprightly par son stepped to one side and the deacon went in head first.
 "Now," said the parson, 'I'll keep you in there until next Sunday if you don't take that back"
 "Pll never cutter," said the deacon, but the parson was firm and pushed him off last the deacon said:
 "Wal, mebbe I wuz CT jedgin' ye wrong," and the parson helped him out, and each man went his way home.
 A month after that the parson and Ma lindy were married, and when the deacon heard of it he said, respectfully:
 'It's purity dadgasted hard on CT feller wen his wife's gone an died jes' wen he needs CT wife ther wust, an 'specshally wen ther craps sufferin'; but wat hate ther wust is ter think lat ther parson preached ther ole oman's funeral wen she died, an then sot out an married ther very gal I he'd made up my mind ter marry afore Sindy wuz in Ter coffin."-J. w. Hyder in Times-Democrat.