The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-04-03
yawn 81 Josts troop 1th." us old Bill
Shakespire aptlee observes.
Muther & children is doin well.
OSSAwATOMIE BROWN.

ere peace as q CrlCketclSln. lClfnply ue-
sine givin the pint s. Plot of play /
saw actid out at the theatre t'other mite,
called Ossywattermy Brown or the Hero
of Harper's Ferry. Ossywatteriny had
varis failins, one of which was idee
that he Good conker Virginny with q
few duzzen loonatics which he had pickt
up sumwhares, mercy only nose where.
He didn't cum it, as the sekel showed.
This play was jerkt by a admirer of Old
Ossywattermy.
First akt opens at North Elby, Old
Browns humsted. Thare's weddin at
the house. Amely, Old Browns darter,
mmTys sumbody, and they all whirl in
the Messy darnce. Then Ossywatteimy
and his sons leave fur Kansis. Old Mrs.
Ossywattermy tells 'em thay air goin on
a long jurny and Blesses 'em to slow tid-
din. Thay go to Kansis. What upon
arth thay go to Kansis fur when they was
so nice & comfortable down there to
North Elby, is moren l know. The
suns air next seen in Kansis at tavern.
Mister Blame, sinister loolsin man with
his Belt full of knives and hoss pistils,
axes one of the Browns to take drink.
Brown refuzis, which is the fust instance
on record whar Brown deklined sich
invite. Mister Blame, who is dark
bearded feroshus lookin person, then
axis him whether he's fur or ferenst
Slavery. Yung Brown sez he's agin it,
whareupon Mister Blame, who is the
most sinisterest lookin man l ever sew,
sez liar, har, har! (that bein his stile of
larfn wildly 6 ups & sticks knife into
yung Brown.
Anuther Brown rushes up 6 sez, ''you
has killed me Ber-rutherr' Moosic by
the Band & Seen changes. The stuck
yung Brown enters supported by his two
brothers. Bimeby he falls down, sez he
sees his Mother, s. dies. Moosic by the
Band. lookt but couldn't see any
mother. Next Seen reveels Old Browns
cabin. He's readin book. He seq free
dom must extend its Area s. rubs his
hands like he was pleesed abowt it. His
suns come in. One of 'em goes out s. Gums
in ded, havln bin shot while out by
Border Ruffin. The ded yung Brown
sez he sees his mother and tumbles down
The Border Ruffins then surround the
cabin & set it fire. The Browns give
themselves up for gone coous. when the
hired gal diskivers trap door to the
cabin & thay go down threw it & cum
up threw the bulkhed. Their merraklis
'scape reminds me Of the 'scape of De
Jones, the Coarsehair of the Gulf-a tail
with yaller kiver, that onct red. For
sixteen years he was confined in loath-
sum dunjin, not tastin Of food durin all
that time. When a lucky thawt struck
him! He opened the winder aud got
out.
To resoom-Old Brown rushes down
to the footltes, gifts down on his nees &
swares he'll hav rsvenge The battle of
Ossawatermy takes place. Old Brown
kills Mister Blame, the sinister indi-
vidooal aforesed. Mister Blame makes q
able s. elerquent speech, 500 he don't SEE
his mother mach, and dies like the son
Of gentleman. rspt up IN the Star
Spangled banner. Noosic by the Band.
Four or five other Border ruffins air kill
ed. but thay don't say nothin abowt
seein their mothers. From Kansis to
Harper's Ferry. Picter of Arsenal is
represented. Sojers cum and fire at it.
Old Brown Gums out g. permits hisself
to be shot. He is tride by two Scoops in
milngtery close, and sentenced to be
hung on the gallus. Tabloo-Old Brown
on a platform. pintin upards, the staige
Gted up with red fire. Goddiss of Lib
erty also on platform, pintin upards. A
dutchman in the orkestry MARBLES on a
base drum. Curtain falls. Moosic by
the Band.
HOW OLD ABE RECEIVED THR NEWS or
HIS NOMINATION.
There are several reports aftnat az to
how Honest Old Abe" received the news
Of his nomination. none Of which are
correct We give the correct report
The Official Committee arrived in
Springfield at dewy eve, and went to
Honest Old Abe's house. Honest Old
Abe was not in. Mrs. Honest Old Abe
said Honest Old Abe was out in the
woods splitting rails. So the Official
Committee went out into the woods,
where sure enough they found Honest
Old Abe splitting rails with his two
boys. 1t was grand, magnificent
spectacle. There stood Honest Old Abe
in his shirtsleeves, pair of leather
homemade suspenders holding up pair
of homemade pantaloons, the seat of
which was neatly patched with substan-
tial cloth of different color. "Mr. Lin
coin, Sir, you've been nominated, Sir,
for the highest Office, Sir
"Oh, don't bother me-" said Honest
Old Abe; II took a stent this mornin to
split three million rails afore night, and
don't want to be pestered with no stuff
about no Conventions till get my stent
done. I've only got two hundred thou
sand rails to split before sundown.
kin do it if you'll let me alone" And
the great man went right on splittin
rails, paying no attention to the Com
mittee whatever. The Committee were
lost in admiration for few moments,
when they recovered, and asked one of
Honest Old Abe's boys whose boy he
was? I'm my parents boy" shouted
the urchin, which burst of wit SO con-