Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-05-31
prominent business qualification of politi-
ness and attention to all


prominent business qualification of politi
ness and attention to all
An Experience at Tifany's.
Iamnot aware that any great grief had
| fallen upon. the Tiffany establishment on
the morning of my visit or not. But it L
very certain that the clerks were all as
solemn as undertakers, and nearly as mum
as grayestones. Is this manner of men O
feature of the trade? Is such stiff, staring.
solemnity the etiquette of dealers in gofd
| and precious stones? How any young man
can buy an engagement ring in that estab-
lishment without chill over his rosy visions
and glowing hopes, it is hard to see. How
birthday gift, q sweet anniversary momento
without having it impressed upon him that
this life is vale Of tears and all is vanity
during the process, I cannot imagine.
Those grim, tomb-stony, trigidly taciturn
men all around conveyed the idea that any
purchases of less than 81, 600 or so were
hardly worth consideration. They look as
if life were a terrific struggle, horrid
grind, with smiles at discount, and only
sorrow verify and non-election GER
tainty.
Another thing I noted in q morning s
shopping was the dreadful prevalence of red
tape or something of the sort. An ice-cream
soda could not be secured without hunting
up the cashier to get a check. Why should
this work be put upon the customer with
money in hand? To buy necessary hair
pins for cents the circumlocution took al
most half an hour. Why such rushing
people should be so slow in methods Of
business is something wonderful to con-
slider.
Better Than Barnum's Display.
1 took in the passing show" at Central
Park of an afternoon. This is where the
New Workers disport themselves and dis
play their tastes and points from the "four
hundred" down to the million. Barnum, in
his day, was wont to pride himself on his
greatest show on earth" when you saw all
the animals for so cents, but here in New
York you can see all the turnouts and
tommy noddies and "hogs" for nothing, or,
at most, 10 cents car fare. 1t is mighty
good show, too-to the student of human
nature. The noodles and the nincoms are
here in plenty, and they require no label to
distinguish them.
What amazes "wild Westerner" from
Pittsburg is the growth of funkeydom.
Two stiff funkeys, square shouldered, RAM
roddy, and solemn as marble statues, are
now, it would seem, the proper thing. Our
grandfathers hooted and scoffed at the
wearing of livery as mark of servitude,
but democracy seems to be on the down
grade in New York. Pittsburgers should
take notice that to be real out-and-out
swells they must have stunning ''victo-
ria' or drag, a pair of bob tailed horses
keys done up in livery of knee breeches,
yeilow-topped boots, high hats, closely
buttoned coats and dazzling buttons. In
their high, choking collars, their faces like
cast iron, and their figures as stiff as craven
images, these men sit up before or behind,
as their proprietors choose, and give token
that their employers are aping the aristoc-
racy of Europe.
A Little or on Good Looks.
The women who are advertised by such
a stunning rig are usually homely, stupid
looking and gaze out upon the foot men and
foot women as if they wondered why such
people were allowed to desecrate the sacred
precincts of the park. They lean back
luxuriously and possibly thank God they
are not as the other people 'air." As
Schenley Park is looming up as place for
display, perhaps it may be as we'll to say
that the custom is, so far as 1 can see, for an
ugly fat woman-or q scrawny lean one
to dress herself Up. in stunning style and
ride forth in lonely splendor, with dog
upon the seat arrayed in ribbons to match
If New York husband and wife are
together they look silently "glum," as if
they had just had Mrs. Caudle or Poland
kettle-time of it. But then this sour silence
may come of the flunkeys in hearing, who,
like those of the Eden Musee, are always
rbor ~, to haor rvbof ha ms aete and
a-saying to each other e
But alas the wrinkle in the rose leaf, the
canker that preys upon these aristocratic
people is the soul-harrowing sorrow of being
initiated by the vulgarian people. Victorias,
bob-tailed, housekeeping nags with gor-
yeously attired footmen and coats of arms
and all the rest of it are easily obtainable
for money, and exclusiveness cannot be
secured in the park. The common herd
,annot be shut out, and they have pretty
much all the fun there is in it.
Who VIII Be the First.
I wonder who in Pittsburg will first dis
play in Schenley Park the liveries and
iunkeys. By the way I should announce
hat when the aristocratic occupant of car
.iage is in mourning the coachman and
are arranged in dead black with
veepers band of deep affection on their hats.
The dog is also decorously decorated with
black ribbon and wears a sad countenance to |
De in keeping with the sorrow of his owner.
After witnessing the daily circus at the |
Dark I drove down Fifth avenue in
'attledy bang stage, and wondered what |
possessed the old stagers of the "four hun
lred" to hold out against traction or cleo |
ric line that would ensure mnch more of |
luiet and rapid transit. Is it because they |
re SO stupid, or because they hold out |
gainst the comfort of the people? More |
non. BESSIE BRAMBLE.