The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1891-12-18
Wards W ords.

''Hump yourself! Hump yourself you
limpin' son of Lazerus! Git out of here,
you carriOn scented unwashed section of q
lanyard"
1t was the voice of old man Weatherwax
as he shook his cane over the head of a
tramp who was hurrying from his door.
He was no ordinary tramp. His shoulders
dropped and his arms seemed to hang In
front of him as though he cad been carrying
sap buckets all his life, and his neck shot
forward like crane upon the front end of
which his frOwZy head was spitted. His
freckled face was adorned with two blood
shot eyes one of which had lost its useful
ness, while his nose, If he ever had one,
had been driven back into his face leaving
two direct openings above his cayernous
mouth, which was surrounded by tan
cOlOred mOustache, which looked like
worn section of played out scrubbing
brush. His ragged coat tails tapped in the
wind as though in mild endeavor to enliven
the circulation of blood in his body, while
his threadbare pants showed the match
wear on the thigh, and struggled to cover a
pair of dilapdated shoes that might have
come down from q former generation of
tramps.
AS he shuffled off the old man hurled
anathemas and expletives after him like hot
shot and shouted out his maledictions in
choice selected adjectives on the poor DEVILS
head SO long as he thought he could make
him hear
Then he looked hard at the ground for q
minute and banged the gate post with his
cane as he turned and walked slowly into
the house in order to pour his vialS of
wrath on his wifes head, who he blamed
for harboring tramps. 1t seems that the
tramp dissatisfied with piece of bread and
meat had ordered u square meal to warm
his vitals, and she was just about to COM
ply with his wish when the old man came
in with the above result. He was boiling
over and he wanted to blame somebody and
so he berated the poor old woman.
Harriet" he howled as he stumbled Oh
the threshold and lurt his rheumatism,
Harriet, come 'ere! Look ME in the eye.
What was you doin' with that crittrr i'm
the house? eh? What was you dpin'?
That's what want to know?"
'Well, JOSIAH" said the old lady. sweet
ly, 'yOu see"-
mo don't see either. You just answer
my question, what was you q dOin'?"
''Well," said the old lady, "he came to the
door and"-
''Never mind what he was doin the
question Is, what was you dOin'?"
who me?" said the old lady.
eyes" shrieked the old man, ''you con-
founded old candidate for Kalamazoo"
''Well, just walked to the door and
opened it and"--
"You did, eh?" said the old man gleam-
ing on her, ''yOu opened the poor and in
vited him to walk into the parOr and play a
tune on the pianner 'spOse?"
mo, opened it just little and he
pushed his way in"
Wnll wv hat n Cnnlint
you hold the door and scream for help?
Answer me that"
"Why, didn't want any help, Josiah"
"Well, what did Sou want? Out with
it," and the old man swung his arms and
breathed hard.
"Why, wanted to know what he want
ed"
Exactly! You are Eve number two.
Well, go on-what next?"
''He said that he had walked clear from
some place on an empty stomach, and that
he was so tired and hungry that he didn't
know where he was gOin' to sleep tonight,
and nothing but warm meal would do
him"
''He did, eh?" growled the old man.
''Why didn't you ask him to shed his
room while you got him warm meal?'
'.Why, Josiah, didn't know
There it is agin! You don't know dnlt-
thing, and when you need information, you
are as lost as the ten tribes of Israel but
you can sit around here and squander my
substance in riotous living"
Josiah" said the old lady kindling
trifie. that will do. This substance be-
longs to me as much as to you and for you .
to abuse me because you happened to find
that tramp here, is shameful"
The old man knows how far to go in
such Matters. so he seated himself and
mopping the perspiration from his head and
face looked smilingly at her and remarked
that he gave the chap a hallelujah send Off
any way.
Langsburg, Dec. Ia, 1891.