Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1891-08-02
AROUND AND ABOUT.
Human Nature as Seen In New York Po-
11oa OouPt

HAnQ can ueChNo o AO0iO NIe'
"Always speak the truth, Patrick
Once in a while truth comes in three or
four lengths behind, but as rule she is
ALWAYS first under the wire"
'Well, sir, II must spake the truth
and nothing but the truth, I'll own up
that had no. sooner swallowed q glass
of buttermllk than me head went off and
hired out for razzle-dazzle at Brighton
Beach, while policeman brought the
rest of me In here to be locked up"
cpl have to give you three days. Fat
rick"
"For telling the truth It's just as |
expected. never told it yet that
didn't get the worst of the trade. It's
a coaxing way We have, Judge, but
hereafter I'm no twin brother to that
ould female called Truth"
SIS this Mrs. Ridge?" asked His
Honor as Ephraim, the court officer,
faced tall and sorrowful looking 1e-
male about.
"You didn't suppose was Mr.. Ridge
did your" she Queried in reply.
"Sorry to hear you were intoxicated
again last night. Mrs. Ridge"
Intoxicated! Well, what next?'
"Do you deny it?" =
Judge, If was to say that you went
down to the City Hall last night and
pulled Henry Ward Beecher off his mon
nment and stood him on bis head, would
you deny it?"
81 am not on trial. How do you
plead?"
81 don't plead at all. It's all a mis-
take. Judge, suppose you had seven
little children at home crying for you?"
"Um! When you were here three
weeks ago you said you had only four.
"But was agitated and forgot about
half OF them. Judge, suppose your dear
husband was walking up and down and
waiting for you to come home"
"Um! Ephraim, didn't she claim to
be a widow last time she was here?"
"She did, Your Honor"
"But can't a wilder get married In
three weeks?" she protested. Come,
Judge, be reasonable. The fact is, l
had the toothache yesterday, and was
holding some camphor in my mouth TO
stop it, when"-
"Three days, Mrs. Ridge. There's
nothing like it to cure the toothache."
THAT'S true, sir; and if we could
only change place, I'd give you six
months"
Ephraim next posed tall young man
with a great deal of dried mud on his
back and very black eye.
81. --o,,r ~ ~ q Scott ~ qoxp0 His Hon.
or.
Eyes"
"Historic name. served under Gen.
Scott in Mexico. 1t seems that you ran
against the end of the bridge and hurt
your eye"
Eyes, sir"
"They ought to have more lights out
down there, but they don't seem to care
who gets hurt. You picked up that
mud on Hamilton avenue, didn't you?"
Eyes, SIR"
81 thought 1 recognized it. own
three lots down there, and you can't
fool me on Hamilton avenue mud. Do
you reside in the cityP"
"No, sir; live out on farm"
81 thought you had the innocent, con-
fdlng look OF the country. Corn must
be coming on fne?"
Yes, SIR"
"That big rain the other day will
make potatoes fatten right up?"
1T will, sir"
"Ah. but one must live in the coun-
try to be in touch with real nature"
unused His Honor. "If happiness and
contentment are not to be found amid
the waving grain-the green pastures
the songs of birds and the perfumed
breezes, where, oh, where shall we look
for itP Mr.. Scott, you are to be con-
graduated"
Eyes, sir, and suppose l can go?"
"You can, Mr.. Scott. You can go up
for four days, and il you had happened to
hit the bridge with both eyes l should
have made it eight or tenr'
but, sir, YOU"
"Ephraim, remove the prisoner! He
ought to have owned up that he works
in paint shop on Franklin street and
that he was flung out Of saloon in a
free fight last night, but he thought to
deceive this Court. Some queer people
come here, Ephraim; some very queer
people,"
"Mr. Ford" said His Honor, as the
next prisoner toed the mark, "the
charge Is drunkenness"
"Then it's false, sir"
"Weren't you taken of grocer's
delivery wagon up street somewhere?"
II was-on Third place. Did you ever
see that street, sir?"
every often, indeed"
''Then you know what the pavement
tsp"
81 do. There are roo holes and sinks
and wash-outs in every square. Children
are frequently drowned in the water
holes. am going to try to have the
law changed so that can sentence
prisoners to ride over that pavement
once instead Of going to jail for FIVE
days. So you were trying to drive along
Third placer"
eyes, sir.
swell. no wonder the officer thought
you either drunk or crazy. Let this be
a warning to you in future. You can
CO."