The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-03-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

1t doesn't hurt so much to cut swell
as a corn but it costs more.-Dans0itte
Breeze.
Two swallows don't make a summer,
but two drunks often make fall
Teras Siftings.
Aman would do pretty poor fishing
If he used book-worm for bait
Bifsghanaton Republican.
A meerschaum mine has been dis
covered in Florida. They will soon
begin to lay pipes from it.-Boston
IrGUeLLer.
Mrs. Dix-"Why does your husband
call you his good resolution'?" Mrs:
Hicks-.'He says am always broke. ~
-Munsey's Weekly.
New Clerk-s.Are you customer of
ours, sir?" The Other-"Well, | should
say so Why, owe you over 5000. y
Clotbier and Furmisher.
II suppose it's all profit in the drug
businessf" 'All profit? Do you sup
pose we get fixtures and showcases for
Philadelphia Times.
Kickshaw - II can't understand
Glim's chronic bachelorhood." Mrs.
Kickshaw-"N Neither do /. He surely
can't have inherited it."-Epoch.
please don't talk to me. I'm saw
ing my voice for the OPERA why,
are YOU to sing?" mo. I'm to be in
one of the boxes. Harper's Bazaar.
One of the most amusing and harm
less of distractions that man is heir to
is the fancying what he would do if he
were somebody else.-St. Joseph Neaos.
George 'Chapley is one of those
fellows who have more money than
brains. isn't hep" Jessie-"Yes; and
he is not rich, either" ."-Harper's Bd-
ear.
No matter how slight citizens i'm
portance may be, he feels when he gets
into a street-car filled with ladies that
he is man of standing Washington
Post
EVERY second you call to the
waitress, Another glass of beer!''
well, what else can say to such a
stupid-looking womanP" : Fliegeade
BlGtter.
Brown-"Are you sure this is good
sticking mucilage?" Stationer-"You You
betr' Brown-'.Ever use itP" Station
er-'.No; but bottle once broke in my
pocket. -Harper's Bazaar.
Goldbags Cooking out at the tene,
ments) ts)-'.Alasi 1t must be very hard
to be poor" Wentman-"On the con
trary it's confoundedly easy to be
poor. ."-AnaericGn Grocer.
Florence-'.The idea of saying you
were only 23!n Bessie-.'You forgot
mamma told us that it was always bet
ter to underrate than to exaggerate
my dear. ."-Anaerican Grocer.
Foreign Visitor docs it cost much
to live in New York;" Host-"No,
sir, it doesn't cost much to live in this
CITY, but it costs like Sam Hill to keel
up appearances. IN Y. Weekly.
American husbands" observed the
foreign visitor, '.suffer under the rule
a half-dozen victims. The rule O.
their wives. MiLa0aatltee Sentinel
When q woman falls in love yor
can't make her believe all men are
alike, and when she has been married
ten years you can't make her believe
that they are not.-Atchisoa Globe.
Johnnie = What is an egotist
papa?" Papa-''It is person, my son
who tells you about himself those
things which you want to tell hin
about YOURSELF Washington Star
Pedagogue-'Can you give a sent.
ence illustrating the difference be
tween mind and matterP" Tommie-
"Yessir! When don't mind, pretty
soon they's suthin' th' matter!'-N y
Herald.
Herr Deutcher = Waiter! Cham
pagne und glassesr' Waiter DRY
sirP" Herr Deutcher-''Nein! Zwei
you blag rascal! You needn't t'inl
you in it vas! Donnerwetter!'- Yal
Record
Mrs. Bellows Ito daughter Cora)-
''Why did you throw kisses at Mr.
Jimpson across the aisle at church to
dayP" Cora (complacently) = ''
wasn't near enough to reach him. y
N. Y Herald.
Chappie- What! Don't you remem
ber ChollyP 1t was he who had tn
beautiful dog down at the hotel las
summer" Maud-'sAh! remembe
him now. What became of the dog?
N =. Herald.
She-.'I know he isn't pedigree
dog, but no tramp or beggar can com
near the house without his letting u
know it." He-"What does he do
BarkP" She-..No; he crawls under tn
sofa. Brooklyn Life.
Russet shoes and the killing sash wi
not be fashionable next summer, but tn
dude need not be cast down. Som
man milliner will invent a new way @
distinguishing the dude from the male
Minneapolis Tribune.
City Parson-"I have been appointe
missionary to the heathen and
Chorus of Parishioners-s'You are nc
going to leave US, are youP" Cit
Parson-'.No; they told me to stay jus
where l was."-M Y Herald.
81 would be willing to give half m
fortune to know was truly loved,
said the heiress. You would? Why
I'll love you with the widest enthr
siasm for only third of it," answere
Mudge.-Indianapolis Journal.
Wickwire Nudge, it is shame fo
you to be letting your days slip by q
you do. Time is money, you know.
Mudge-'sIt isn't much money when
takes three months to amount to
quarter. ."-India7aapolts Journal.
go away. You are drunk" sal
the citizen to the beggar. 81 ain
nothin' of the kind" was the wrathfr
reply. ''D' you suppose I'd be out {
workin' on sich cold day as this if
was good an drunk?" Isdia1apol
Journal.
Landlord (suspiciously)-"You al
an actor, you say. What is your rolet
Boothby Ham-'.I am playing tt
heavy, sir. Perhaps you took me for
supe?" Landlord-''No;f from the si2
of your wardrobe fancied you migl
be doing Cleopatra. Judge.
Algernon (on the steamer. sayin
good-by to Ethel, in whose eyes
imagines he sees prospective tears)
Now, keep up, little girl, keep up
Ethel-'.Keep upP Now tell me. d
you think there is really any danger
our going downpn-Boston Courier.
why, o. why do all men join in IL
mad rush for goldP" shrieked a fema
lecturer who had accumulated gre
many years but no family. Because
uelled some one in the hack mart of fl