Brenham weekly banner. [volume] (Brenham, Tex.) 1877-1907, 1891-04-16
WORKING THE CORPSE LIKE 4 MINE.
"JShn's' Dead Body Turned INTO a Boz
nanza by m Enserprising Coroner.

"Jphn's'' Dead Body Turned Into q Boz
nanza by IN Enterprising Coroner.
'9The fact Of It is, " said the coroner
OF San Diego, as he was paying fra
ternal visit 10 our local morgue the
other day, 'fthe cold fact Of It is that
you coroners up in this section don't
really understand your business, and
how to make it boom for all there is in
it, as it were"
what do you mean9" asked our
newly elected official.
''Why, you don't seem to savoy how
to get all there is coming to you out of
a cadaver, somehow; don't handle 'em
scientifically, so to speak. Now, we
do that sort of thing better down our
way"
'Do, eh1"
''Yes. For instance, there was a
Chinaman killed by smoking opium a
few months ago down there. OF course
1 few around and had jury sworn in
before you could wink-they come to
sometimes, you know-and what with
summoning witnesses, testimony, etc.,
before night 1 had bill against the
county for $96. So"
''More-than the Chinaman was
worth, 1 should say" said the metro
politan official.
But wait. 1 dug up the remains
from the county burying ground the
same night, rushed 'em round to the
laboratory and had 'em embalmed all
ready for emergencies. Well, about
three days after that they had a ghost
dance and free fight out at the Digger
Indian encampment, and so I had the
Celestials pigtail cut short, few feath-
ers twisted in it and hid him in the
bushes out that way. Then had him
found and reported, and as the jury
couldn't agree as to the particular tribe
the Indian belonged to, impaneled
another one-doubles the fees, don't
you see-and gave the papers a rous-
ing good item. It's a great snap to
stand in with the reporters, by the
way"
''How much did that makef"
well, l was about S240 ahead on
the speculation then, so waited until
a lot of emigrants passed up country,
and the next day one of 'em was found
dropped dead on the road of heart dis
ease catch on, don't you1 Same old
corpse with big felt hat and rawhide
boot-pockets full of macaroni. I
think l tapped the taxpayers for about
$175 more that time Well, sorter let
up for week after that, and then had
the remains doubled up in packing
box and:f found among the unclaimed
freight down at the railroad station.
The papers wrote it up as 'mysteri-
GUS murder case and we had a ten
days examination Lemme see; I
think it was SAG. so the whole thing
PANIED out before we were through
that time. How does that strike you9"
'Why, never heard Of
why, that's nothing, my dear sir;
nothing. 1 haven't got half through
with that Chinaman yet. When I left
home I had just got him nicely wedged
in among the branches of a tree in the
woods just out of town, dressed in a
suit of complete black, with an old
telescope in his coat tail pocket and a
pair of big green goggles on his nose,
for all the world like one of those OBJ
servatory cranks. Grapple with the
idea, don't you2"
"Can't say do"
why. that's the aeronaut dodge,
don't you sect Unknown scientific
party fallen out of balloon. My own
design entirely. Splendid, isn't it, The
remains are little worn by this time.
l know, but what are you going to do
IN such an Internally healthy climate
as San Diego1 expect to send the old
lady and the girls to Europe on that
cadaver yet, if have to wire it to-
gether to do it. No, my dear sir, your
metropolitan coroners mean well, I
know, but what you need is a little
more enterprise, ingenuity and-and
ginger"
I'm afraid we Co."
Exactly. But 1 must hurry up to
Bush street and get front seats for this
new farce comedy that opens tonight.
Great place to study up on anatomy, 1
hear" and giving a late stockbroker
who had just been brought in a punch
or two with his cane the doctor drifted
out.-San Francisco Examiner.
His Cradle Was His Mo theirs Shoe.
Boots and shoes have been used by
sailors to drink out of and to bale
boats. But surely the most extraor-
binary use ever made of a shoe-since
the old woman of nursery rhyme fame
lived in one-was the following: 4
dwarf son of French peasants was so
small that at his birth doH's ward
robe had to do duty for linen on the
occasion. At his christening his mother
thought he was far too small to carry
on the arm, so she made him little
bed in her own wooden shoe, and In
81, &c ,,-o,, oor-;aJ hin, 70 oburob