The Portland daily press., 1891-07-21
THE PORTLAND DRUMMER.
Some of his Salient Points as Pictured
by Ian Old Settler.

About the brightest product of madam
civilization. to my mind, is the Commercial
Traveller with the Portland variety of which
have come to have tolerablv intimate 90
qualntance) the drummer-once known hy
the good old English name of bapman a tarm
at once concise and comprehensive and made
,amiiar 70 yankee ears by travellers yarns in
MicnoiaS Niskleby and the Pickwick Papers.
:. mas oeen In order to better understand
nm aS well as to discharge the duties of
progressive American citizen that l have
MADE 1t point to keep up with politics and
pohte literature and acquire the speech of
tnese latter days, careless ana undignifed
though 1t be-to keep up at the cost of some
old-fashion ed prejudices, too.
like the Portland drummer because he
comes out of his bag, like Edmond Dantes.
with the superb declaration that the world
is his. and proceeds to take it in. Young.
strong, alert, bright-eyed, he goes his wav
with a self-cOnfidence unsurpassed nv q
popular preacher and an audacity uneoualled
by beautiful woman. The yerye and elan
OF the Commercial Traveller on a charge or
IN the sack of captured town come up to
French army Most emphatically he has
nerve-especially when he comes to make
out his bill of expenses.
His footsteps are good to follow in when
one goes lo9rneying His business is to
know mankind and their WAYS. for by know.
Ing them he gets about the best of every
thing going-even gets the best of bright
men sometimes. He knows which hotel has
the softest and cleanest beds, the most in
wiling table, the dantiest service, the prett-
IS on familiar terms with conductors. cooks.
motel CLERKS. stage drivers, walters, train
itinerant
he also knows where the best tipple is to
be found; but. to the credit of his discretion
be 1t said, he is usually abstemious though
seldom austere, and sometimes tee-.otaiiy
aDstlnent. For, contrary to a current i'm
preston, he Is not given over to the service
OF certain great parsonage whose wages
is deatn; There are even pi0ns men in his
ranks, class-leaders, who can supply vacant
pulpit In country village when the pastor
happens to be absent of a Sunday.
One OF MS marked characteristics is his
youth; and he has all of its virtues and
some son OF Its faults-others he has overcome.
he is not all young. to be sure, for some of
MIN are mlddle-aged men, married. who
must see wife and babies at least once a
week: But for the most part young blood
riots in his veins, and he has the hone and
nigh courage which 1t carries. He realizes
that ne Is the coming merchant prince. and
promotion. " A"''on MS
he is missionary, carrying into remote
country districts the latest styles in slang.
trowsers and chewing tobacco. He is aisso,
a postmaster In the art of c0axing, as girls
and country traders sometimes find to their
COST tnough ne usually treats both with
consideration-unless they are too confiding.
Some temptations it takes hero or saint to
resist; and he Is neither saint nor hero. At
h ZINES ne AVA awakens awful Jealousy in the
ms gorgeous raiment with envy; but gen
orally they are fast friends, and swan lies
and brass watches in sociable way.
through much travel he becomes cOsmo-
poiltan IN MS tastes. All dishes are familiar
to his palate, from corn beef and cabbage to
SAINTS and rag0uts. Even hash he does not
disdain when he has confidence in the cook.
For the most part he finds the plainest food
the best, and fights shy of dishes like the
salvey charlotte russo which at some country
affront to both palate and stomach wise men
Know 1t to be. He rarely refuses to cut a
water. melon.
Above all, he believes in this great and
glorious country with all his heart, never
Wearies 81 chanting its praises. is willing to
ngnt Ior II, lie for 1t. and, l dare say, If need
be die for It, When he goes strange coun-
tries for to see he upholds the honor of his
own, and gazes about him upon marvellous
signts with Inc stoicism OF red Indian, the
ne Is free from the weakness of refusing TO
ask questions, and where business interests
are concerned Immediately becomes ian anil
mated Interrogation point"
one more, and perhaps most distinguish
ing trait must be mentioned. He is great
story teller, and carries full line of anec-
dotes, good and bad. In standard goods and
novel both, every trip; for his business is to
lnterest men and so lead them to look kindly
tbst s MN ana ms wares. While not denying
ana freedom OF expression remindful of the
merrle geSteS" j0vial monks In old times
told In the refectory, and trouveres and
.onglenrs IN both cottage and hall-tales like |
ter OF heresy wrote for the edification Of the
men and women OF the sixteenth century,
demur to the idea that they are generally
vile. Almost all are humorous, to be sure ;
but though some be as rank as a bit of
mouldy cheese, the most are as bright and
clean as a newly scrubbed milk pan and con-
vey as wholesome stuff.
Here Is specimen drummer yarn, spun on
the train by a Portland Commercial Tray
eller the other day. Sitting In the smoking
were lying, he delivered himself of the fol
lowing story, perhaps as old as the clepsydra
by which the Romans reckoned time, but |
apparently new to his auditors:
wSe1s years down in
was a funeral. The woman who mingles |
with pity was there with the |
nourners: To the afflicted widow, In a |
voice, she said:
When did you get your new eight-day |
,lock?'
Il amt got no new eight-day clock, re-
sponded the bereaved woman.
Why, what is that in the corner? Amt |
that an eight-day clock% persisted the curl |
GUS visitor.
No; that amt a clock. That is the de- |
ceased. We stood 1t on end in the corner TO
make room for the mourners.'"
am an old boy now, and have seen and |
heard strange things In Portland during the |
SLOW progress OF two thousand year lease |
wide HulPs Hand. Book)-seen the CITY with |
10 two centuries and half grow from nv
house to multitude of houses, and heard |
the 1ests and scandals of seven generations:
put to the best of my belief never this story