The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-07-26
Bah IN "ELYSIUN.'
JUSTTWELva hours ANDIS GLAD
10 GsT OUT.

uner How They Searched
for a Home of the Gods, aud What
They Found-When a Woman Gets
Mad She is Madam Elysium Where
a Little SufT1ceth Much-Ref ections
of Many a summer xpelience-Only
All Cannot Tell Them SO Brightly az
Does Bah.
Copyright 1871
Up IN THE ACKNOWLEDGES, July 25.-I
have been in Elysium about twelve hours,
and am thanking Jove that the train is an
hour late so that l can 60 back to civilian
ton. Elysum is not all fancy painted it.
That is to say it doesn't come up to the
chrome.
NOT ALWAYS AS PAINTED.
But will have to tell you the story of
how two lady lambs went seeking the
muck-vaunted place of happiness, and how
they were fooled and what they found there.
The nations capital wept as they left it; for
all the bronze and marble images of dead
and gone heroes could look up into the
heights and see just what was waiting for
these two innocents. Once on the train for
this place, of all other places, it dawned on
the mind of one of the lambs that she now
knew why the road was called-B. & o.
"Beastly and Odious, for they had to sit in
a sleeping car, they had to have wretched
supper, poor attendance and be shaken up
III way that, to say the least was not
genteel. The train arrived a its destina-
tion one hour and quarter after the proper
time, and the two poor lambs were put
in an omnibus and ratified up to the hotel.
FIRST GLIMPSE OF ELYsIUM.
In casual way they were asked if they
would like something to eat. The Beastly
and Odiousn road had upset them so that they
didn't know what they liked, whether they
were living, or whether they were dead. but
it seemed as if a cup of coffee might taste
refreshing, SO we went to get that The diu-
ing-room in Elysum is ciean-painfutly
clean-and it has rows Of long tables that
make you expect every minute to see the
convicts filing in one by one, each carrying
his own tin cup and plate. When will peo-
pie understand that cleanliness and comfort
can be combined? To continUe the story,
the innocents were then taken over to what
they fondly imagined would be the room
in which they would be so happy, the
room for which they had written, l. e., a
large front room, with two beds, two bu-
reaus two washs,ands, a table and the usual
allowance of chairs" Did they find it?
THEY FOUND NINE BY TWELVE ROOM,
in which was pushed double bed, small
bureau, q small Washstaud, a tiny table and
one chair. There had been no trouble taken
to wipe the dust OFF of the mirror so on that
bloom Of time the younger zlamb skillfully
wrote, "Dust, with five exclamation marks
after it, to prove that her handwriting was
not as bad as people say 1t is. Then she
said to the colored gentleman who hal
brought her there: "lsn't there some mis-
take about thisF' and size pranced q know
prancing is unladylille, but 1T is emphatIc)
down TO the office, and asked that hote.
clerk what he meant by putting her aad the
motherly lamb in such a room. He was a
polite young man; his intentions were
strictly amlable; but he couldn't build that
house over, s he persuaded the irate one to
put the older lamb in the room next 20 it,
aud sleep in that ono herself Because, as
he remarked: at has been specially pre-.
pared for you.'
WHEN A WOMAN GETS MADl
Back she went, and looked at the prepare
tions The ba sin was the SIZE of, well, not
much larger than respectable soap dish,
and the Watering might have held three
pintsS | say might have for there was no
water In it, One of those diabolical con-
trivances, by which you ring once for wa
ter. twice for bell boy, three times for maid
servant, four times for fire and five for his
satanic majesty, was against the wall, aad
the degenerate lamb, who had by this time
become black sheep, rang for q maid till
according to the call, she ought to have hal
female orphan asylum there; but nobody
came. Then she went out, seeking whom
she might devour, and again a colored gem
tleman came to her rescue. He got her
some cool water to drink, and some warm
water 70 WASH with; hal ore trunk fetched
up into her room, which necessitated such a
arrangement of the furniture that the table
was just between the bureau and washstand,
at the foot of the bed, and it W as a question
Gs to whether she had better stand on the
table and battle on the installment plan. or
put 1t exactly in front of the mirror and sit
upon 1t and curl her bangs while her feet
dangled. Unfortunately the colored gentle
man couldn't get any blankets, and tue
black sheep looked blacker and gloOmier
than ever, as she slept in long, red serge
travelling cloGk, over her night gown, with
a single blanket on top of her. But she did
sleep; slept the sleep that eau only come to
th5 just and the deceived
WHERE A LITTLE sUFFCETH MUCH.
Then the next morning, which is to-day,
sac went for the gentlemanly clerk and she
said: Take NE all over this house, and let
me see what rooms you have, and my
friend, as am speaking typewriter, can
assure you there were no O]ms In the house
any larger than that, and that the proprietor
OF that hotel had to put itmlldly, made mis-
take, when he answered that letter about
the KIND of room that was wanted. All over
the place did that black sheep tramp, then
she came back, and for a few minutes she
held the Western Union telegraph Office,
while she telegraphed her opinion of the
place to some people who thought OF coming
there. then she said to the young man.
what time does the next train leaveW
And he said, mot till half past nine at
night" but the telegraph operator, divine
creature, said "The morning train is an
hour behind time, and you can catch 1t If
you want TO"
IN THE HOME OF THE GODS.
The gentlemanly clerk said, Think Of the
air." Thought of the air and concluded
that women could not live by air alone.
Then he said, Think Of the society," She
looked at it; 1t was looking at her and won
dering where her heath travelling hat came
from and concluding 1t must be wrong be-
cause il had not seen any like it before. 1t
consisted of about sixty old women OF the
kind that | call "frumps;n of about three
old men who were either on the verge of
raresis or else fully developed cases Of it,
and no end of children. She convinced the
young man that she was not particularly
overwhelmed with the style OF the society,
and she also managed to make him under
stand that she wasn't on the look out for So
eiety, but what she wanted was a large,
comfortable room, answering the descrlp-
tion of the one for which she had written.
DE- - -. Ahs.e Ftta