Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-03-28
TINLIKE THE GENERAL RUN OF HU-

ENlalhE 1HE GENEhAL KUN VT hO-
~ mainly was q talker few minutes after
my birth. am now three years oldand at this
early age, as sit around headquarters, it APP
pears TO me as If my days Of usefulness are
over II this be true have no one but myself
to ELAINE, fact the particulars OF which VIII
relate further on A typewriter who Is sitting
on me has Just remarked that am back num-
Der. but as told him would knock him out
Of alignment if he spoke again, he has col
hpsed- They called me ''737, and that unique
title has chung to me through my brief career,
the history of which am debating to my close
neighbor, the typewriter, who has promised me
that my confession will fall into the hands Of
"ons Of those newspaper fellers" connected
with THE EVENING STAR II it does my grstid-
cation will be appeased-
A. soon as the finishing touches were given
me at the factory and my lungs tested to ascer-
tain whether was plain talker they shipped
me 10 Washington, and I've been here ever
SINCE.
FIRsr EXPERIENCE A srARTIER-
nv first experience was o startler and very
disastrous and thought NV lease Of life would
be short newspaper correspondent took
me IN trial HIS Office is on what is called
Newspaper Row" and most of my three years
parscl IN
Eflng n novice at dlctation this gentleman
sat Town in front Of me, placed the speaking
~ TO his mouth and for fully an hour talked
TO like n Dutch uncle" His vertlancy was
transparent to me, as he took no pains to look
up NV adjustment before he began his dicta-
tiou OF 10 ascertain IL / performing nv
wOTk well at any time during the unfolding Of
the article which he desired to have transcribed
for the benefit Of his paper. At the conclusion
OF his work he took the wax rolls from INV grasp
be transcribed, he desired to catch the .
O'Clock mail In about an hours time back
came the rolls and with them a dainty note,
saying. Cant take 1t of. You have spoken
too low"
have often wished that had had roll
within my grasp ut that moment to take down
what that newspaper man said was never
more insulted since my inception. He called
me everything from a blasted humbug to words
that call for dashes to interpret, slammed me
over into a corner and the next morning bun
died me back to headquarters as no good. But
IL wasn't my fault. and after a thorough adjust
nent was reported in tirst-class condition.
CORRESPONDENT WITH A BREATH.
Three days later found me again on the
"Rcw." This time an experienced hand took me
In charge. He was a splendid talker; but, OH
what breath. He generally spoke to me for
half an hour at a stretch, and at the conclusion
o: his Little set-to 1 didl know whether 10 con-
time my days work or go off and finish out the
cruIk- i don't object TO tho brand of liquor
that gentleman fancies. but its method of in
lection was very corruptlng to a conscientious
graphOphOue. Three months vas the limit of
M stay with this gentleman. as the quarterly
dues were not forthcoming and again / was
carried back TO headquarters. While at the
rooms of the man with strong breath l over
heard the words and witnessed the action of q
comedy in real life that must inclade in this
confession, as j am satisfied 1t is worth the
space
From the language Of nv custodian and his
friends who freqaented his rooms learned
that young scribe, hailing from a nearby
city. Just ont of college. had bat recently ar
rived IN Washington He intended to make
the national capital his home, and was seekin,
acquaintance among the newspaper craft
The general set up ard talk OF the young man
was dudlsh IN the extreme. and for this reason
an initiation and general introduction was
planned through the medium of the seductive
game Of draw poker. The young man admitted
that he had n slight knowledge of the game and
promised 10 meet the plotters the next evening
TO pass away the time. One of the plotters
weakened 81 the thought of robbing the new
arrival and, stopping him in the adjoining
room. told him cOnfiien tally the inside facts
also warning him to remain away. Three of
the plotte-s fa1tered themselves upon their
knowledge of the great American game and
although square deal was intended, their su-
Perior deftuess was supposed to be a handicap
TIE DUDE CAME OUT AHEAD.
Nothing daunted, the man Of fastidious dress
WAS promptly on hand, and with knowing winks
and shrugs from the plOtters the game started
The sitting, from start to finish, appeared to
me to be made mp entirely of ejsculGtions and
imprecations, and emanated solely from the
three plotters. As one Of the plotters remarked
things weren't coming their way"
After an hour play the game broke up, and
sfralt 1~aIt IL.
IN winch was standing ON his way to the door
his good Samaritan" Of the night previous
came in and anxiously inquired how the game
had terminated
Well Chappie; old boy the new scribe re-
Piled as he passed out the door, mot so bad
for greener. I'm eighty-fve ahead. Go see
the others in the next room"
Back looks greeted the new arrival and in
answer TO his inquiry n wall came from the
plosters: Cleaned out completely and by a
dude newspaper man, toon'
During the re mainder of my stay in that Of
nee never saw the dude again and surmised
from this that perhaps the game was one OF the
stuaies he had mastered while at college.
on and on during the following year visited
the Row FOR three or SIX months at time
but was apparently born under an uulueky
star, as no one seemed to care for me per.
manently.
EIPERIEScE WITH TYPEwRrrrsr
Ny next and final lessee was a pretty young
lady, typewritistby profession. How pleased
i vas as she Rugged close up to me and placed
the daintiest OF feet upon my treadle i imme-
dia'ely fell in love with that pretty miss, and
when at different times, came across vulgar
cuss words uttered by impatient dictators. I
CERTIFY raised that part OF my ANATOMY called
the transmitfsr for fear of shocking the sensi-
bilrties Of my fair custodian The unwise use
Of This transmitter for the purpose of revenge
BY me led to my downfall and RELOCATION to t6e
company Of back numbers. 1t occurred in this
vav:
There was . certain fne-looking young fell
low. customer Of my lady, who made a
practice Of sitting in front Of me and after
debating several endearing epithets and
sentences would quickly leave the room nm
observed. My pretty interpreter, coming in
later, would then make me repeat these words
and they created such favorable impression
that became furiously jealous. The young
man kept this practice up for some time and
was making great Roadway upon the girls af.
fecnons and determined To put a stop to it.
Ihe next day after reaching this conclusion
Pus my plan IN execution. In impassioned
tones he spoke these words to me:
Dear Mazle-No one loves you as well as
do dearest am, you know?''
REVENGE ON THE YOUNG MAN
Placing her dainty feet upon me Miss Maize
shortly thereafter started me on NV daily GRIND
Of rehashing loving words to her willing ears
Iaea ra1 - saVN