Fort Worth gazette. [volume] (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1891-1898, 1891-08-09
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
What n Frontier Editor Finds to BrIghten
Up His Lifo.


GoopBY, BIL!-Two or three weeks ago
Bill Throckmorton, the well known mule
whacker, raised great fuss with Us be
cause we didn't publish more murders and
haugings. and he gave rs a fortnight 10
make a change of base. As We didn't do
so his copy of Tie Kicker comes back to
US with great big Refused" marked on
it, and Bill is now going around asserting
that we are on our last legs anu must 20
under.
Goodby, Bill While we hate to lose a
subscriber, we never did run TO murders,
and we are too old TO begin now. We have
published one each week especially for
your personal delecta;ion. and if you are
still unsatislied we shall have to regrctful
ly part with you. We owe you about
twelve numbers on your year yet and we
will send them TO an idiot asylum up in
Iowa with your compliments.
A SURPRISE PARTY.-Our contemporary
down the street came out with an extra
yesterday aud managed to work oil thir-
teen copies on the unsuspecting public be-
fore his bubble was pricked. HIS news
was about US, of course, and, as usual, he
surned himself inside out in his anxiety to
hold US up to public ridicuIe and con
tempt What he made such an ado about
was really only a triiie. and we will give
the facts az they occurred:
We have contracted the habit of splitting
on a mans boots when standing and con
versing with him. 1t may be unpleasant
to some people, but there is no occasion for
any hard feelings, as we DO 1t unconscious
" and are always willing to apologize. We
were talking with the mayor the other
evening in front OF the postolliCe, and nat
urally enough spgt on his boots. He didn't
wait to ask US what we meant by such con
duct, but hit Us on the chin with his LETT
and knocked us down. We scrambled up
to pull our gun on him, but mutual friends
interfered and satisfactory explanations
were made. We after1ard drank with his
honor, and he subscribed for two copies OF
The Kicker to be sent to friends in the east.
1t was simply a misunderstanding a
one rs is likely to occur between two gen
tIemen at any moment, but OF course the
old hyena down the street thought he hsd
a good thing and wanted to make the most
OF it
IT Is TRUE.-We are almost daily in re-
ceiDt OF letters from the overcrowded east
ern states asking. DO you think can get
married If come out thcre?" These let
ters are written by widows, old maids,
crosseyed girls and grass wives, and we
wish to state hers and now that this town
offers them greater advantages in this di
rection than any other in the west. Out
of q population of over 4,Q00 we have only
thirty-three women, and seven of them are
over eighty years old. Well bet dollar
TO cent all day long that 800 eastern fe
males can find husbands here in twenty
four hours. If it was known that there
was a consignment on the way one-half
our population would ride fifty miles on
muieback to get the first pick
Women are not asked to come out hero
to De criticised and elDowed around. We
don't believe there is 4 man in this town
who wouldn't jump at the chance of offer
ing bis heart to a redheaded girl with
cataract in both eyes and wart on every
finger. We have contended all along that
what this town wants most is not a boom
in real estate TO benefit few, but ten car
loads of women from Boston to ben
eft the many. Their influence would
soon be felt here, and there would be
moral backing which we can never secure
without their presence. We say to all in
quirers: Come right along. If you are not
stopped and married before you get here,
we guarantee you will he within fifteen
minutes after your arrival
a FINE SPECIMEN.-Two months ago,
when an Iowa man came mere and bought
out the Star drug store, we asked him for
an ad. He CURLY informed US that adver-
Using didn't pay, and he likewise refused
10 subscribe for The Kicker We have
been watching the tenderfoot ever since,
and when the sheriff closed him up yester-
day it was 10 surprise TO US Without
asking anybody's advice he bought car
load of Paris green to kill 'tater bugs, and
had received it when he accidentally
learned that the nearest 'tater vine known
TO our people was ninety miles away! We
are glad he didn't do business with US. II
he had we should have felt sorry for him
and probably lent him money enough 70
get out of town on.-M Quad in Chicago
Tribune. a--