The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-02-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

VI y va MAXI HllH angry anu Jou IL Set
it.-AtchiSon Globe.
A man never gives fortune any credit
for his success, but he always blames
her for his failures. IraUet5er
Those ready made clothes of yours
seem to bristle with indignation.
Yes they are eager for the fray
Puck.
II feel like fighting Koch" re-
marked the gratitied physician when
the Emperor decorated him. WASH
tfsgton Star.
The people who don't like us dent
know us. Those who don't like our
neighbors know them too WE'LL
Atchison Globe.
Patient-"Can l see DR.. Curem?n
Servant-''The doctor is smoking an
imported cigar, sir, and cannot be dis
turbed. ."-Judge.
Women may indeed have sphere
that is boundless. but she has to stop
when she comes to barbed-wire fence.
RAMS Horn.
You hear of all the people who made
a great man what he is; what becomes
of those who help to make the failuresP
--Atcbiso1a Globe.
AS soon as people begin to fancy they
have claims on you because of favors
you have already granted it is time to
move -MiEa0Gul5ee Journal.
A poet says that baby is ''a new
wave on the ocean of life." 1t strikes
us that "a fresh squalr' would express
the idea better. boston Gazette,
Watts-"How is old man GilfiIlanp
Is he out of danger yetpa Doctor Bow
less-.I don't know. He died this
morning. Indianapolis Journal.
Bagley-"What is the meaning of
this expression, 'Chateaux en- Es-
pagne'pn' Higley-"O, that means
tinplate factories. Bingtanato'a Lead
er.
When big man in a little town
moves to a larger town he is putting
himself in position to learn his first
big lesson in humiliation. on.-AtchiSon
Globe.
'That is wise proverb," said Mr..
Hicks "What is itP'n queried Mrs. II.
THE girl who goes to too many hops
is apt to find an early bier. IN 7.
Herald.
"One thing, Mrs. Bellows, know
myself,n said Bellows. That's the
trouble with you, Mr.. Bellows, you
know too many low people. IN Y.
Herald.
A correspondent wants to know if
'.its are hereditary" Any small boy
compelled to wear out his fathers old
clothes could tell him they are not
Indianapolis Journal.
The man who never made a mistake
Is a son of the woman who never
gossiped and of the man who never
had N'the best cure for rheumatism you
ever saw. ."-BoSto7a 1rdCeIier.
Fond Mother-'.I hardly know what
to do bout Eddie; he's so backward
bout learning to read.n Caller
Teach him Hebrew; that reads back
ward. ."-Harper'S Young People.
I'm feeling very ill again. doctor.
Do you think l am going to die?" My
dear madam, compose yourself. That
is the last thing in the world that is
going to happen to life.
Watts potts shaves here some
times, doesn't he?' Barber Yes;
Mr.. Potts is one of my regular clients. u
Potts. Clients? Don't you mean
patients P"- Indianapolis Journal.
'.Humph!' sneered the ass as he en-
countered the zebra. You look like
an escaped convict. :" Possibly" re-
torted the zebra. But no one ever
takes me for an ass. ~. Y. San.
DO you think that marriage is a
failureP" said the reflective young
woman to a man of business. moi
necessarily-it's what kept Smithers
from bankruptcy" - Washington Post
The man who ''never can find time
to do anything you ask him may gen
orally be seen looking out at the window
when there is brass band going
through the street. -S0merCijje J0aSY7aat
81 came here, said the youth to the
Boston girl, ''for a little rest and peace
of mind" ''Ahr' she said. You ap-
pear to have the piece of mind; when
do you expect to get the restP"-N Y
sam.
Yes" said Gus de jay. 81 have had
some verwy twying experiences.
was stwuck senseless once" "AnC
when" inquired Miss Pepperton. arch.
ly, "do you expect to recoyer?"-
Washington Post.
'.That's Congressman-at-Larg
said Glim. indicating man to hi:
cousin from the country. 20, AIM
afraid" replied young Meddergass,
"Tve only got IL cents about my
clothes. IN. Y. Sun.
Bronson (to the editor of the Boom.
town Bdnner) was pretty
story about the cyclone. don't know
how you managed to swallow it.
Editor-''Well, you know, l have
patent insides." Vest Shore.
Mr.. Schnorer-'I feel very mucl
out of sorts this morning, my sIeeI
was very much broken last night
MIR. Nextroom-''Yes, | heard it
Makes funny noise when it breaks
don't itP just like the snort of buzz
boston Courier.
do you find enough to keep yo,
busy these days, Jim?" ''You bet.
am putting in bigger days worl
these days than 1 ever did before.
why, | thought you'd given up YOU
job" so did. I'm looking for an
other. ."-Bafalo ErpreSs.
Anxious Mother-'I am afraiC
Johnny is sick" Father-t.My good
ness! What does he complain ofP'
Anxious Mother-'He hasn't begun t.
complain yet, but forgot to lock th
jam-closet to-day and there isn't hi
missing. ~. Y Weekly.
She-''What an uncongenial com
pany it must have been" He o
They all had something in common t,
talk about.n She-''What could i
have been?" He-"Ther hosts geniu
for bringing the wrong people to
gether"-Munsey's Weekly.
Maria" said Scribbleton, as hc
awoke in the middle of the night, ''dC
you hear the mouse rafting the pape
in the waste basket?" Yes; is there
anything that you wrote in itPn Yes
':Well, I'm going to get up and rescu
the mouse. p Washington Post.
Dapper-'' ''What is the greatest lie
Snapper, that ever impressed itself OF
your experienced" Snapper-''Well
by all odds, the worst lie | ever hearC
was the one your quartet perpetuate,
last night when they came around t.
the house and sang There's Music il
the Air. .m-BoSton Courier.