Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1891-12-24
BRAINS IN THE FEET.

sonality, science tells US as certainly as she
can tell US anything, is not born to die.
BRAINS IN THE FEET.
The Trouble Some People Have in Keep
ing Their Feet in Proper Position.
That's right my son, like to see you
Sunday morning, when your on the road,
and far, far from home, sit at the front
window of the hotel which your honor
with your patronage, at the expense of the
house, and stick you feet on the window
sill. You should get them, if possible, a
little higher than your head. That gives
you a dignifed, if not picturesque, appear
ance from the street, and better than that,
it tends to increase the rush of the brains
to YOUR head, where. no doubt there is
ample accommodation for them.
But before leaving the subject just look
about you and see how many men In this
room have their feet on the floor A few
have one foot there, but that is because
no man except Turk can get both feet on
his knees at the same time and feel COM
Portable. See, there is a man who wants
to write letter he has to appolige to the
men behind their Sunday newspapers for
asking them to make enough clearing be-
their hoofs ON the the writing table for
him to settle with sheet of paper.
The men with the feet give way for
him, but you can see DO their countenances,
when you catch a glimpse of them, that
! they consider the letter writer an uwarran-
table intrusion at such time and place.
One night a couple of years ago [ was
sitting on the platform of the Acadmey Of
music in Philadelphia at college COM
mencement. There was another stuffed
figure at my right and a real man on my
left. The real man-and he was real
man. loo, bashful as he was wise and good
whispered to me by and by, while he
gripped his captive ankle with the air of
man who was going to hold on to his leg
all night if they killed him for it.
'Say, I'm in an awful fix
What is the matter?"
Why, I'm down on the programe for the
next speech and my foot has gone so sound
asleep | can feel it prickle clear up my
back whenever | try to move it.
"Oh, WE'LL | told him sooi hingly,
don't worry, the orchestra is going to
play after this speech and the noise of the
trombone will wake your foot up"
I'm afraid not, he said, 81 always
have to stamp it awake and it has such
awful commissions when it is coming out
of sleep it must have the nightmare"
"Well," suggested, cant you get
excited and stamp and jump around in
your speech ?"
NO" he said, Il can't, because if l
try to move around on this leg l will fall
down. What shall | do?''
| suggested that when the present
speaker sat down we should applaud him
most vigorously, clap our hands and
stamp like fends.
at will be horribly rude and out of
place before this refined audience" he
said, ''but it's my only hope; I'll do
it.
But the man who was talking was a
fearful sort of exhorter who always put
the tremoo stop on when he reached the
closing lines of his speech and he turned
in and told of young girl who died of
an incurable disease, which took a fatal
form some time before her demise and
the last line of his speech was her whisper
ed farewell to her lover.
The house was still as death when be
sat down. The man beside me heard
his name called by the president; he cast
a reproachful, desparing glance at me, as
though it was all my fault, and slowly
pushed his foot of its perch. 1t struck
the floor with a resounding crash that
startled the audience out of its melting
mood; an oath wouldn't have sounded
much coarser than that Stomp"
Then he stumped his way up to the
reading desk, lifting his right foot high
IN the air at every step, like horse with
the string halt, and we could hear the
sympathetic whispers along the front
seats.
"Why, he's lame?"
And verybody locked so sorry for him,
for he was fine looking man but for that
deformity, and all would have gone well
if he had only heard what they said. Bat
he didn't, and so when he had shaken his
leg a little while behind the desk and had
stood on it carefully, he got it woke up
and warmed up, and began to move about
gracefully and strike effective attitudes
Then everybody knew what had been
the matter when he came forward, and
good gracious! how they did laugh! It
confused and bothered him so that he for
got his spiech and maundered around,
saying all sorts of platitudes, and driving
singular nouns and plural verbs tandem,
and finally came back to his seat so mad
at me that we weren t good friends again
for near y year, and I'm not quite sure
that he has entirely forgiven me yet.
You see, my boy, some of a mans brains
are IN his feet after all-RoBERT J.
BURDETTE.