The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1891-08-07

that took place in our town last week was but
partially gwen. Therefore if to some our news
concerning that matter should seem a little
late we reply as did the man who beat the Jew,
" We never heard OF it till last night We,
ike Mf. Conoyer. could not see how it could
be that neither Deacon Buzby, nor Uncle
Billy smith could see him right in the
middle of the road in open daylight.
But it has all come out-too much beverage.
too much beverage! 1t now appears upon good
authority that deacon" Buzby and Uncle
Billy Smith started out for a friendly drive
and 10 enliyen the ride stopped at the well.
stocked of l.. NJ. johnson and purchased the
article thal brought all the trouble, namely
one solitary bottle of Hires Root Beer. The
contents OF the bottle were equally divided.
two and a half cents worth apiece. and ues-
pite their wellknown temperance proclfyities
each one actually drank a whole glass at once
Butjoy soon turned to grief, for soon after the
collision occurred with Mr.. Conover. 1t Is no
wonder they did not see Mr.. Conoyer. with
that amount Of root beer on, # is not likely
that they would see Mr. Conover or any BODY
else. As they eollided Mr.. Buzby seemed
speechless, and Uncle Billy jumped from the
wagon and shouted '1'm killed. This strange
happening in our usually quiet and temper
ate town attracted a good many to the scene.
among whom were DR.. PauIding to render any
needed medical aid and to demonstrate with
the lads upon their hilarity. Mr.. l.. H.. John
son realizing that his reputation was at stake
came rushing up with bafed breath and vel
led half frantieally doctor, dare l sell 'em
any more?" The Dr.. here eyed The misereant
youths very sharply and sternly replied .nof
another drop, Lewis, not another DROP,
Pf0TniGfnH qpa 4O RIO. .V-x4 .u.-
were righted up and allowed TO proceed on
their journey. although it is said 10 have
taken them half the afternoon TO find out
where they left off talking at the time of the
mishap. We would not tell this ON the bows
as 1t Is altogether probable their first offence,
but il is hoped that this may be a sort of a
warning and prevent them from rushing To
greater lengths in the future.
Only two cents and a half
1t may eaus e q frown or q laugh
But the end was evidently sad
As the thing turned out so bad.
Conover eould think it no joke
Because his buggy got badly broke
And bursted up from rim to spoke
The repairs will cost the price of a calf
And all for only two cents and a half
Only two cents and a half.
spent by men who might grace the governors
staff
Yet il they do so extravagant spend
They must surely come to some bad end
The fh~oroughfare suecumbs 10 their affairs
And buggies are sent to The shop for repairs
Their eyes sweiled up, and heads grew light
as chaff
And ali for only two cents and a half.
Only two cents ana a half.
But far too much by half
For when the beer began to bubble
The passing traveller got IN trouble
Then the doctor came upon the scene
And inquired, ''what does all this meansT'
Lew came too with shortened breath
And Uncle Billy thought he was struck with
death
TIT whole thing started a merry laugh
And all for only two cents and a half.
Only TWO cents and a half
But entirely TOO much to guam
1fthe ex-alayor had not filed up the puddle
The lads would have fetched up there in a
middle
And all for only two cents and i hair.
only two cents and a half!
You may be sick of the phrase
But If you would have length OF days
You must keep ont OF such trays
And take no more of that sweet draag hit
Sold for only two cents and a half.
Did you say that so many Baptist picnics
ought not to have gone out in one week. " ell,
it was pretty wet I know, bnt / guess you
better look out what you say.
Miss Emma Clark has returned 10 the City
after a few days visit among us.
Miss Jennie Bassett is spending tho week in
Philadelphia.
Mrs. Taliiha Morgan and Mrs. Dr. iison.
OF W oodbury, arespendinga few days with
Joseph Morgan.
A very large gathering of people assembled
at the Presbyterian church on Sunday last,ihc
occasion being the 150th anniversary of the
settlement of the first pastor. Rev. Allen
Brown delivered the historical sermon in the
morning, and was followed by short addresses
from Revs. Ferguson and Shield. ex-pasfors.
Rev. DIR. Newkirk of Philadelphia. We were
not out in the morning hut when the church
celebrates its next l50th anniversary we shall
be getting rather old,and may not care to ven
tare out, especially in the evening. Hence we
concluded to so a night. The services open
ed by n beautiful organ voluntary. Rev. Mr..
Ferguson then announced a hymn. following
The singing of which Rev. DR.. Newkirk read
the scriptures and offered prayer. Rev. DIR.
shields, OF Bristol. then delivered an excellent
address, a marked feature of which was its
superb com p1Slktoh- DA. onAcAAs was Now t
by DR.. NewkirS and Rev. Mr.. Ferguson. the
latter closing with a beautiful poem, entitled
aover The River DIR. Ewing, the pastor pre-
sided at the meeting. The benedicfien was
pronounced by the Rev. Mr.. Brown. Thus
closed d very memorable day. May the results
be great spiritual profit to all.
The Pleasant Hi sunday-school will hold
its picnic in the WIN. siekler's grove next
Wednesday, Aug. IL. The Aldfne band has
been invited.
WIN. sehoenleber and Elmer Noble are ." be
congratulated upon the new corners at their
homes.
! 1t nov looks as though we might have some
| bull stories to tell after awhile. But space win
| not Kermit now. BITTER PILL.
Barrfrd.