Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-01-03

The Back Numbers.
Sometimes we hear the old fogies exclaim
That times like the old times will ne'er come
again,
And then they repeat from the page of the
past
Some peculiar condition that never could last
Some law or some notion, some pioneer view,
Which the world in the course of events out
grew.
Then they sagely remark they are sorry to see
That the times are not what they used to be.
They seem to imagine that life is all wrong;
That the harmony ends with the old time song;
That step in advance means disaster dire;
That wish gratitied breeds fresh desire.
They relish the fruit of the tree that is dead
Press the dry leaves when the odor has fed,
Sigh when you do not with them quite agree
That the times are not what they used to be.
They forget in their musings that this old
world
Would be clogged by the moss if 1t wasn't
whirled;
That the freshest voice will lose its ring
If it follows the notes on the same old string.
Still they pull the same bow while they sadly
Groom,
See naught but stale cheese in the laughing
moon;
If the earth is not earthly. and salty the sea,
Then times are notnow what they used to be.
THE snow in the far West does not seem to
have blockaded the warpaths.
THE doctors have at last discovered that con.
sumption is contagious. Isolation and inocula-
ton may eventually stamp out the great white
plague"
You will seldom pick quarrel if you pick
your company.
A NEW YORK woman, who is the victim of
two much mother-in-law, says her father-in-law
is SO stingy that he sews buttons on his clothing
by moonlight in order TO save gas. She is turn
ing on the light.
MILES motto-Good riddance to bad Reds
THE fellow who is always exaggerating Is
only serving his apprenticeship as a liar.
If your tongue is loose you run the risk of
losing your reputation.
IF you want to restore business confidence
settle your little bills promptly.
Could Not Keep Cool.
He sat beside her, and the arm
The parlor was trife warm,
But he still famed the flame.
ROSA is no longer an exile from Erin. All
he needs Is passage money Some one should
start subscription Immediately.
OUT of sight out of mind-lS9O.
JUDGING from the manner in which the
gayel it must be worth a great deal.
MORTGAGES do not vary in weight. even if
some are heavy.
If General Brooke retreats before the braves
he will undoubtedly be called running Brooke.
DISEASE deposits germs in the snow banks
NEWSPAPER workers frequently have to
write the wrongs Of others.
PARNELL says he Is willing to retire. When
a man is defeated he usually feels that way.
SOME men win high honors in America by
being expert fy-catchers.
TIE doctor cannot always cure ham.
Mr.. SPEER talks forcibly about Allegheny's
police force. He evidently believes they would
make good tobacco signs, as he called them
wooden men. Mr.. Speer ls sharp-tongued.
NovELIsTs frequently deal in false heir.
THE machinery for the protection of rogues
is about as costly as that provided for their
punishment
SOME soaps are made without lye but the lie
is introduced when they are placed on the
market. :,
WHEN the old die only the young need our
pity.
LOVE seems TO be the only genuine hypnotic
influence. Judging from the crimes and the fol-
lies perpetrated under its spell.
MARRIAGE engagements are conducted on