New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1891-04-16
THE ARLE VOTING MI. BDMPUSS.

The ingenious plan of young Mr.. Perry Bumpuss'
NJ Detroit for securing o bride Is now attracting
general attention. All mankind is SAID 10 love d
lover Though we must sometimes except Uhe
father of the lady loved, and all mankind Is
interested in the schemes and stratagems Oh loVerS'
and so we presume that no apology is needea lor
hrie,iv referring TO the aforementioned young
Mr.. Perry Bumpuss, Of Detroit.
n appears from perfectly authentic documents
that young Mr. Bumpuss has long loved certain
Miss Hollingsworth, a proud and aristocrouc
Young lady with wealthy father. Young Mr..
Bumpuss is himself rich, having life income OF
$4,000 d year. But though he strove for two
years he could make no impression on the heart
of Miss Hollingsworth, for, alas there was the
Hated Rival one Jaycox, an unattractlve man IN
physique and something too full Of years for Miss
Hollingsworths age, but his annual income is
$50, 900. Miss IIollingsworth was cold and
naughty and determined to carry herself TO the
best market. In vain did young Mr.. Bumpus
speak of love-Miss Hollingsworth laughed at him
and told him that she preferred cash. Forty
thousand O year very good, she admitted, Dut
$50 O0O was better, therefore she should wed
Jaycox Mr. Bumpuss coaxed, pleaded, threat
ened suicide and did the other things suitable to
the occasion, but all to no purpose. Then he
life grew dark and unworthy the living. He was
only aroused six months ago by the formal an
nouncement of the engagement of JaycoX and
Miss Hollingsworth. Young Mr. Bumpuss rose up
ot this like O giant strengthened and refreshed by
seep and determined on of the bOldest strokes
ever recorded to win wife. No knight of old,
either by prodding his rival with ten-foot spear
or otherwise. ever showed himself more worthy OF
fair lady than did young Mr. Bumpuss. His plan
was, TO state it briefly, nothing more
nor less than to get the place OF
coachman to Miss HOlngsworths father and
then elope with her. From the firm vantage
ground Of the coachman's box he felt that he could
win her. He set about the move Immediately.
He had always worn handsome full beard, but
he now sacrificed it. This completely disguised
him, and with his hair sft short and quinine
pill slowly dissolving in his mouth, to give him
the right expression, he found that he looked the
coachman to perfection. hundred dollars bribed
| Mr.. Hollinesworth,s old coachman to go away
and drown himself. or at least keep out of sight,
| and Bumpuss applied for the vacancy. He easily
got il, and putting on the Hollingsworth livery,
he began work. his first pleasant duty being
| to drive Miss Hollinsworth and Jaycox In the
park lie made on excellent coachman. Expert
ence soon taught him that when JaycoX was IN
the carriage nc cOulu ASSUME Juc CohISOO
! like expression without his quinine pill and on
such occasions he would carry it in his waist
coat pocket as he did also if he were driving at
! funeral the ethics of the profession, Of course
allowing q coachman to relax his features and
| become even gay on such occasions. But the
excellence of his driving is not the matter in hand
but rather his success with Miss Holingsworth
This as the reader may suspect, was excellent, Sc
excellent in fact that at the end of five months
Miss Hongsworth threw herself at his feet. lie
accepted her. A week ago they eloped, and were
married at Ann Arbor. After the ceremony he
revealed himself TO her in his true light. She
was indignant at first, but finally fOrgave him
Her father forgave him with enthusiasm Jay
cox has gone to Europe, with the avowed purpose
of joining the Italian navy.
| Is there not here valuable hint for many
young men? 1t is strange that the almost daily
reports in the newspapers of young ladies eloplne
with cOachmen have not put some rejected young
men on the right track before this. The plan IL
simplicity itself Bumpuss carried it through with
out mishap, and to-day is enjoying his honey
moon. growing a new beard and getting the tastf
of the quinine out of his mouth. Hereafter, wher
q coachman elopement case is reported, it mus
he investigated, and we fancy that in many IN
stances it will be found that the supposed coach
man is only some formerly unfortunate sutton
There is a new day dawning for the young mai
who has been declined with thanks
|