The critic., 1891-02-28
OVER THE NUTS AND WINE

Tl,s4crawfsh Is an expert on sidcwalks.-
lCHkeTS Gd&tft.
..Thc pcrfumer is always known as n scents
able fellow BinGhdmt0R Republican,
Talk is cheap when You can send It through
n telephone at the rate OF 10 cents an hoir.-
IeroS sJtin9s.
The measure of mans real character IL
what he would do II he knew II would never
be found out.-Rdm's Horn.
Help man out OF hole once and he may
forget you when he II out, but he will not fail
TO call on you the next time he falls in n---itch-
icon GLOBE.
~ thought you told me your father was re-
tired merchant ~
$50 he IS When the sheriff took possession
lie had TO retire. -indidnaIoNs Journal.
There II only one sudden death among
women to every eight among men. Bat then
It's only minority OF women who use the
telephone constantly.-&. Joe Ne'Gs.
"lIaye you chosen the text for your first SER
"Yes, Miss stiflcs; 1t is Revelation xiii, /
And there appeared great wonder In heavens;
n woman Niagara Sprdy
"They say smithcrs' Queen Anne house was
burned because of his own gross negligence"
Yes. 1hc insurance people proved that he
w.
None of these modern Queen Annes can stand
that. .'-Hd'Esr's Boidr
Mr.. John l.. Gett (at an amateur musicalel-
Miss Van Clef-"Let Nc Like Soldier Die"
Mr.. Geit--1f had my gun with me lie should
he gratfed.-IRek.
Clerk ito head OF hrm)-I wish to ask YOU,
sir, If you can kindly see your way to giving
me mn advance of wagcsl
Head Of Firm Certainly, Mr.. Phipps, with
pleasure. Mr. Blunt turning to cashier. let
Mr.. Phipps have sovereign ON account Uf his
salary. and deduct 1t when you pay him on
Saturday.
Exit Mr. rhlpps)- Pick Ne Up
Patron-lIcrc are siOwhch wish to present
TO messenger boy No. 9lD
Agent Il am glad TO hear that one OF our
boys has been OF so much service. When
was IL!
| Patron Yesterday. / sent him to the Ex-
change with mn order to my broker to buy
10000 shares Y. Y. ". stock, but before night
the whole bottom dropped ont of \. Y.I. !
rushed around TO my broker, and was deli GIFTED
TO learn that the boy hadn't got there yet
NtD YORK Weekly.
Two children were playing on the sidewalk,
and lady passed them.
'Shcs grass widow said one.
whats u grass widow asked the other.
"Gracious Don't yon know that!n said
the other, scOrnfully; "why, her husband died
OF hay ferer."-LUe.
When gildcd New York family goes into
mourning every member of the household Is
put into Grape and henrietta, mcrino or broad
cloth. Even the inoirensivc horses have black
blankets, black rosetts and black trappings.
while Fido and Rover bow under q bow OF
| gros-grained ribbon.
Shc-So Jack Dorning was married to that
beautiful Miss Hatton to-day How did he
| ever manage to win herr
Hc-Oh, Miss Ransom managed IL for him.
| She engaged herself to Jack and then set him
to flirting with Miss llatton after the an
| nounccment. .-Judge.
One lovely girl. whose disappearance from
several affairs lately had been much regretted,
when she made her rcappearancc confessed TO
| friend.
my dear, II was horrible.
~ have missed everything for two weeks
| and been perfectly well all the time. Yon see,
| Marie Overheated the curling irons. ! felt my
| hair sizzling close to my head, and there was
| with one side of my bangs as bald a. an egg
| That was the side that my hats all turned up
| on. Mamma said that AZ II was my first sea
| son and so much depended upon my looks, ]
had better 20 TO our country place and wait
| till my hair grew out, and there have beer
ever since. Does II look all right now ~
| chicago Ntars
I