The morning call., 1891-04-03
A QUEER WAITER,

humanity coming from the p0Slte ulrec-
tion, and commenced swear so intense and
virulent that 1 am glad now that it was
never finished
why, BoYeal, my boyW cried the object
of my wrath, as l rebounded from him like
a ball from bat this is lucky!"
"Oh. very" / replied, catching my breath
Il hope l haven't hurt youY'
81 was just going to ask you the same
question. What ages since we met. Come
and take friendly Tefreshment."
could not wei refuse so amicable an
offer and we accordingly adjourned 10 one
of the old-established restaurants for which
the City is famous.
"WeH, ShrampsIire, and what have you
been doing with yourself these last three
years?" said l, leiSuTely slipping my cham
payne.
"Among other things, getting married,
my boy"
Not to Miss Boldick-"
"N-no, three off from her. The happy
lady was a Miss Piluder Of New York,
where l was on business last year. A
charming girl. You must come and see us.
Ia, h-ml have you any engagement Tor to-
morrow nightP'
frowned heavily and pondered, as men
do when they know perfectly well that they
night. mo, l believe not"
"Well, then, come TO us-we have a dance
on, and my wife will be delighted to see
you. She needn't send you card, sup
pOse?"
Certainly not. III come with pleasure.
About ten"
"That'n do Here's my address. GoOd-by
until then. old man."
About o'clock next evening Ic0mmenced
my toilet for Mrs. ShrampShire's dance
l. q, | 4ltrrv sr.,d 70
spoil four "chokers" instead Of nv custom
airy seven. found myself fully dressed at
half past g; and the night being beautifully
dry and fine, l resolved TO walk to Gui!dford
square and save shilling. 80 donHed my
oldest oveTco55 and billycock hat Il hadn't a
glibus), turning up my coat-collar and but
t0ning 1t close, So as to keep my "choker
clean.
No. 10 Guildford square was fine OLD
family mansion Of solid build, and, on my
arrival, showed all the external signs Of
festiyity within StrOlling up the red
clothed steps, l entered the open door and
passed into the hall, where the first person
] met was a very fat and pOmpOus indIvid-
ual in evening dress, with an exceedingly
red face looming above lis neckte.
so" Ee whispered, huskllY, you've
come at last have you2"
Some eccentric friend of the family, no
doubt, thought l, rather puzzled at this vel
come; possibly Mrs. Shrampshire's Ameri-
can Dapa.)
II hope I'm not very late" l replied,
baudly. The truth is"
Don't want no excuse, young Teller.
You'll hear about this in the morning.
Late? Why, you're good two hours late,
you lazy rascal! Leaving me and only five
others to lay the supper. look after the
ClOaks and get ready Tor the ices!"
Well, If this was AHSlJ-AmeriCan hospt-
talty-but then a sudden thought struck
me; the fellow was no friend of the family,
he was the chief Of the hired walters en-
gagged to assist the two maids, who were
then, no doubt, dispensing tea and coffee in
the back room. Large establishments like
Bcnter's are always changing and adding to
their staff Of waters, and it was clear that
he mistock NE for one of his employers
men who ought TO have been there earlier.
Here was a chance for bit Of fun. l deter
mined 10 humOT his idea.
I'm very sorry, sir, but l was detained
later than L"
"Well, now you are here you may as well
do something for your screw. Worst Of it is
we've done the tables already, which you
dOu't deserve. Go into the cl6ak-room and
relieve JnkS; send him tn me. Take your
own things of in the kitchen"
l promptly proceeded 10 obey orders,
quietly putting my watch, chain and rings
into my trousers pocket on the way.
Nobody was in the kitchen except the
cook, who stared at me, and said
"Well, you takes your time about things,
young man, l must sayp'
Not about this, at all events, l retOrted,
giving her kiss.
well, In6yerF' cried she; but ! didn't
believe that.
1 soon found the cloak-room business re-
markably BRISK | hope | pinned the right
numbers on the right coats, but | wouldn't
swear 70 il. / am positive that took con-
scIeutiOus pains 10 remember more or less
which hats fitted which gentlemen best: AMI
If bad only been kept there till Tipping"
time / should probably have known for
certain.
But 1 was not An hour after had been
first installed l was summoned to the sup
per-roOm and sternly ordered to wash up
the plates and glasses behind a screen.
performed this task SO "carefulee" that
ought now TO be "the ruler Of the Queens
navee"; and as l ais eYinced remarkable
aptitude for drawing corks, gradually in
simulated myself into the good graceS of the
head waiter, who was kind enough to in
form me Qn bibulOus soto vOce) that per-
haps l should not "hear of it, after all.
'iinis piece Of magnanimity l fear l did
not reward as it deserved, for, after an
hours service behind the table, listening to
the music and humping overhead, and no.
ticing several really pretty girls making a
tantaliZing use of my plates and glasses
q. e., those had washed up), felt mutin-
ously in .lined for a dance myself.
Watching my opportunity | dived under
threaded my way through the preoccupied
guests, turned into the now deserted cloak
room to resume my watch, chain and rings
and then airily joined the line of guests pro-
ceeding upstairs to the dancing-roOm.
soon fund my charming hostess-she
really was charming-and in a very few
minutes had my programme in satisfactory
condition.
Mrs. Shrampshire herself did not dance,
but she was indefatigable in her duties as
hneF oYtAc CHI md Fof- r
ner before had been in the room ten min
utes.
The host seemed rather out of it. He sal
on T0ut-seat By le window, talking poll
ties, or something serious, with another
equally sobP1-mlnded reYeler; and, feeling
pretty sure that he had not yet been down
stairs for refreshments, l approached him
with confidence.
"Ah, my bog delighted to see you al
last. But how late yOd are J"
My dear Shrampshire." said | demure-
1y, II have been here long time. but I'm
afraid ! spent most of the time downstairs. -
That's right. Some men dance girl all
about the room for ten minutes at a stretch
and then forget that the poor thing posi-
lively needs-an ice to prepare her for hel
next hustle. Pm glad you did your duty as
q man."
certainly had.
My next dance fell through. in conse.
quence of the sweetly pleaded fatigue OF my
PARTNER, young lduy WHO, CuTlouSlY
enough. combined great riches with still
greater beauty. We agreed to ''sit it out. ~
Mentally mastering all the twaddle l had
in my conversational repertoire, | led my
tired brunette TO a seat-oh. ye social Ii
eenses lon the stairs.
Softly, sweelly. yoluptuously we twad-
died, and twadded. and twaddied on. All
of sudden ! became conscious of dark
object inteTposing between us and the brill
liant glare of the drawing-rOOm. Impatient
ly glaDcng up l beheld-the head waiter.
He stood rigid as a bronze statue. His
head was thrown slightly back, his rudy
eountenance had turned a blush pink, his
eyes seemed to be running a close race with
the tip Of his nose and his shoulders were
thrown back as if he were under drill by a
Iyp!cpi sergeaf t-major of the old school.
"W-pI Of all the owdacious imperence,"
be exclaimed at length. Just go down and
finish washing"
Here checked him. calmly remarklDg as
though he had not been speaking to me,
Am l in your way, waiter~ at the same
time rising to allow him to pass. The cool
audaeity coming from a supposed mental
seemed to unman him and to put the finish
on his awe-struck wonderment He splut-
tered and hiustern6 hut cOnld form no