davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
FLASHES OF FUN.

The man who gets his deserts in this
world usually has no pudding. '-Yon-
kerS Statesman.
A mans sins are his creditors, and
like them they are sure to find him out.
-Elmira Gazette.
The first fall campaign IN history was
the one conducted by Mother Eve and
the serpent.-Buifalo Express.
'Those are capital letters" said tho
man who wrote 0 u in acknowledge
meut of much-wanted lOan.-Wash-
ingtOn Star.
Robby-HOw did the Sphinx get the
credit for being so wise, papa? MIR.
Norris-By Keeping It's mouth shut for
5000 years.-Llfe.
Frank-Belle rather wears her heart
on her sleeve. May-Oh. no; she has it
set on a diamond engagement ring
New York Herald.
The man who makes the funniest
speech at the stag dinner and keeps all
the boys in roar Of laughter frequently
has nothing to say when he gets homo
TO his wite.-Someryille Journal
Oldun-Remember, my son, to always
keep your expenses within your income.
1Oungun-Got better plan than that.
| propose bringing my income up to my
eXpenses.-lndianapoIis Journal.
Pigment Pm going to send Il dOmeS>
tic satire to the next exhibition. Par
kins-What is it to be? Pgment-IEa
making picture of our cook 1t is 20
be labeled: ''POrtraitOf a lady. New
York Sun.
''They have skeleton in their closet,
j am certain" You are wrong. 1t is
one of those patent dress forms. | say
it myself. "-Harper's Bazaar.
SuitOr--l have come, sir, to ask you
to give me your daughters hand. Pater-
familias-Why, sir, when last saw it it
was in your pOssession.-Bazar.
Garry, l want you to be one of my
bridemaid5." You are my dearest
friend. Sally, but you are asking too
much" Zoo much! Why?" i've
just become engaged to your iiance. -
Life.
Il feel like queen-and you all are
my pages, said the popular girl to the
group of dudes surrounding her "Near-
ly enough to make a blank book" re-
marked her enYious riyal.-BaZar.
1t would be quite easy enough to pay
the national debt by imposing a tax on
beauty. There ISN'T a woman living in
the country who would not demand to
be taxed.
Il can't see why you men should pre-
fer one newspaper to another. merely
on account OF It's politics." said Mrs
Wicllwire. The news in each one is
pretty much the same. And the bar
gain advertisements are exactly the
same"
Bright Gran'pa, you used to
live in Philadelphia, didn't you? Grand.
pa-Yes, my dear b. C.-Well, there's
something in the paper about a gravity
III. 4.
about having in the park Shall read
it toyou? G.-No, my dear. 1 read all
about that when | was boy.
Wife-What are you writing? Col.
RtIngood war yeteran)-A magazine
article, showing that Gen. Fightwell did
not win half the battles be is credited
with. It's about done now "All ready
for the printer" ION, won't print it
until after he is dead"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
THEY DON'T LIKE 1T.

1t is no doubt true that the smass of
the Republican voters in most of the
states are quite as sincerely in favor of
ballot reform, and fair and uncon-
strained vote, as any other class of peO-
Sle. But this cannot be conceded of
9le managers of the party in the states
siat have great manufacturing inter-
=StS, or where money and intimidation
aaye been common factors in the con-
Aol of voters. In Ohio. for instance,
Ae Republicans regularly declared in
their platforms for the protected bal
lot, and even had bills introduced in
the legislature covering the ground, but
they were never allowed to get quite
into the statute books. Until the Dem
ocrats had control of the legisla-
ture there was no Australian bal
lot. The measure they have adopted
seems to be excellent and efficient in Its
provisions. 1t is to be tested at the
coming election if it is not tripped up
by some legal quirk. The Republican
leaders have left no doubt that they
dislike the law, and would be glad to
see it knocked out. nder it there
could be no such following OF employees,
in the exercise of this great -ht of the
citizen, as was had for NJ. iINLEY
last year. The supreme court is Re-
publican, and it is apprehended that it
may be made to see technicalites that
will inyaIldate the act if it can be
brought before the body. 1t would not
do, however, for conspicuous action to
this end to be had Just before the cleo
ton, but Republican has filed an APP
plication for writ of mandamus upon
the secretary of state that will get
the matter into court. If that body can
be made to hang the law up by the gills
till after the election. the fat fried out
of the protected people can have its
usual course. The fact that tine pro-
lection of the ballot is deemed men-
ace to Republican success is suggestive
of the methods in vogue and of the des-
peratiOn of the leaders
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
BOOM CHASING.

Talking of our local prospects re-
minds the GLOBE that many of the
men and women who have gone from
here to the West during the past few
years are returning, and that many
more would gladly come back if they
could. The stories of the FL Dorado
beyond us were very alluring, and
thousands of desirable citizens were led
away by them. Montana and Washing
ton are full of st. Paul and Minneap-
oils people, some of whom are doing
we'll and some of whom find life
hard and full of difficulties. A
few have profted by the change,
but it is safe to say that the
majority would have been further ahead
had they remained with us. Pulling
up and starting anew is expensive in
any event. and of necessity entails some
loss, and unless the opening presented
is secure as well as promising. it seldom
pays to venture. Booms come, to be
sure, and while they last carry every
thing with them on the crest of the
wave. But booms go just as surely, and
then is the hour of disaster and regret.
1t is possible for town to get too large,
as are many in the East, where compe-
tition becomes so intense that only the
favored few can hope for the highest re-
wards. But even there distress is never
as poignant as it is in small
place which has known eXtraor-
binary prosperity. and the vitality
Of which has waned with the
temporary excitement which occasioned
it. When the real estate offices close
their doors in city of the size of ST.
Paul their supporters and patrons are
not thrown adrift without the hope of
employment. Legitimate industries of
all sorts demand their services, and the
needs Of the city suggest and warrant
the establishment of new industries
which will bring profit and an income
to those who engage in them. But the
villages of a new country founded on
imaginary prospects cannot feed the
men who have cast their lot with them
when the reaction begins. They have
no use for brains and muscle, because
speculation has been their only indus
try, and lots and acres the only COM
modities they have dealt in. The best
rewards for the average man are those
which come from earnest effort in some
line of regular business. and he who
cannot succeed in this here had better
mend his ways instead of changing his
residence. The futile and diseppoint-
ing occupations of the world are legion,
but no one compares with ''boom clas-
ing" in its possibilities of futility and
disappointment.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
ANIMALETTES
Bob Burdette.

Bob Burdette.
BY the patient mule-Always put your
best foot forward.
Contributed by that noble animal, the
horse-A kick is as good as a wink to
blind man.
By the intelligent hen-Never do to-
day what you can put Off until necks
tWeak.
Executed with a steal pen-When
there's swill there's weigh.
BY the cat When the bootjack gets
there, the cats away
By the useful ox-It is vain to lead
the OK to water when he has a potato
half way down his throat that he
doesn't know what to do with.
BY the robin-A bird i'll the bush is
worth three or four in the hand.
0By the progressive pullet-Better layed
than ever.
By mans faithful friend-My bark
is worse than my bite, because there is
about 5000 times as much of it, and it
hurts my friends more than my enc
mics.
By the bay colt-Docked horses tell
no tails.
The Thanksgiving turkey-Two heads
are better than one, but one is better
than none.
By the oldest goose on the place-A
tough answer turneth away the market
woman.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
FLASHES OF WIT.

A man never fully realizes how much
of sponge he is until he slips down in
a puddle of water and mops it all up
Richmond Recorder.
Now that we have plentitude of rain
machines, won't some genius please
arise and invent something that will
successfully hail horse-car?- Detroit
Free Press.
Visitor = Are you acquainted with
ScrIbbler, who writes poetry? Editor
| should say L knew him. | had to buy
a new waste basket last week on his ac-
count.-Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Bellows (thinking she was dyingl
You have been very wicked, Bellows:
l hope you'll do better Old Bellows
Think | shall; won't be nothing ter
keep me from itafter you're gone.-New
York Herald.
''And you rejected him?' 81 did,
HE has the reputation of being large
hearted man." That's the trouble
with him: he is too Iarge-hearted. He
can love dozen women at the same
time. Cape Cod Item.
Pegleg Beasley-But how dye hap
pen out so soon! Ye didn't git no par
don, did yer? Mr.. Whiskey Sewers
Course not. Dey was lot o. English
men visitin' de prison las week, an
| gets hold o. de paint pot an makes me
gov'ment clothes into plaid an jist
moseys along out wild de rest o. de
dudes. See?-Indianapolis Journal.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
WALL STREET WOLVES.

Mr.. Gould recently predicted a year
of great prosperity. His Missouri Pa
cIic stockholders are not in it.-New
York Recorder.
Every railroad property in which Jay
Gould is prominent, either as an owner
or manager seems to be dead weight
in the stock market. AS a wrecker Jay
is a shining success.-Denyer Repub-
lican.
Poor Mr.. Gould! So he has been de-
ceiyed by the wicked directory of the
Union Pacific. IT is a sad sight to see
an innocent and trusting man like
Gould made the prey OF designing sharp
ers.-Kansas City journal.
Deacon S. V. White, Of New York,
earned his first dollar cutting cOrdwOod,
and, by patience. industry ana atten-
ton to business, lived to fail for over
million in trying to put up the price or
corn against warm September-St
Louis Republic.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
MISS FIELD AND THE TWIN
CITIES

KATE FIELD is an interesting woman
who publishes an interesting paper
which she calls Kate Fields Washing
ton, made up of comment and criticism
on contemporary men and measures.
She visited Minneapolis and St. Paul at
the time of the Harvest Festival, and
the current issue of her paper, to quote
her own words, may fairly be called
Twin City number" She herself writes
brisk and entertaining description Of
the Minneapolis pageant, and in the
social department full space is given to
the recent brilliant wedding of Mr..
ROBINSON, who deserves quite COM
pletely the kind words spoken of
him. Besides, there is an inter
view with THOMAS LOWRY, conduct
ed as over telephone, in which our
street railway magnate discusses the
question Of the proposed union of st.
Paul and Minneapolis for the enlighten-
ment of the great world. Nothing could
be happier than the form in which his
views are presented, and the converse
ton of a broad-minded man like him
with broad-minded woman like Miss
FIELD on this subject makes vigorous
and stimulating reading. Mr.. LOWRY,
it is hardly necessary to say, favors con-
sOlidation because the two cities merged
could struggle together for supremacy
against Chicago with prospect OF sue
cess (which they can hardly hope to at
tain single-handed. He thinks that
there is room enough for a great me-
tropls here at the head of the AIisSis-
siDpi, and for another at the head of
Lake Superior, and sees no reason why
they should not both enjoy great pros
perity, as do New York and Philadel-
phia. which are less than a hundred
miles apart. We have tributary to
us, he declares, region broader
than Chicago, st. Louis and Kan
5as City combined, and he pictures
time coming when here will be the gate
way to commerce, not only with the
entire Northwest, but with the ancient
lands beyond the Pacific. He predicts
that through us will pass American
products bound for Asia, and that the
wealth of the Orient will from here be
distributed over the rest of the world.
Mr.. LOWRY votes for st. Anthony as
the name of the consolidated city when
the time for name arrives, as has the
GLOBE already in its suggestions on
this problem. The GLOBE has said that
festivals and conventions are good in
veStments for these towns, and Miss
FIELDS comments prove it. 1t is worth
good deal Of trouble and expense if
one or two such women as she can be
drawn here occasionally, not only for
the pleasure their presence gives those
who meet them, but for the light which
they shed abroad as to our achievements
and possibilities.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05

a list of United States productions fur
nished. Somehow this did not impress
the Brazil representative as an alarming
outlook. lie looked at the coffee figures
and suggested that the United States
must buy its coffee of Brazil. All other
countries could not furnish it one-third
of the consumption. If it was desired
to tax the people of the United States
three cents per pound more for their
coffee, that was not matter to
interest Brazil. whether subject
to duty or not" he said, ''our
coffee expectation would not be
affected to the extent of single
pound" Mr. FOSTER did not even
hint to him that the producers in Brazil
would pay the duty and not the coil
sumers. An opportunity to ad vance
that favorite protection idea seems to
have been lost. He virtually admitted
that the president would not dare to
impose that duty. He thought he could
work the thing better with hides. The
man from Brazil replied that it was
quite immaterial to Brazil whether tn e
United States put the IL cents duty on
hihSo VI iiOOs IICg oOin pliliN
pally to the United States and England.
The duty would simply make them
higher mere and enable England. with
its cheaper hides, to come in with the
manufactured goods and undersell
the home dealers. No answer seems
to have been found to this view. and
they passed on to sugar. This
afforded Mr.. FOSTER better standing
ground, but the concessions induced
were not regarded by the Brazil agent
as amounting to much, He says they
involve loss of but 1902, 94l in revenue.
He made up list of articles partly to
be free, and others at % per cent reduc-
ton, but says he took care to exclude
those that amounted to much i'll reve-
nue.. This is the best showing yet made
for the vaunted reciprocity feature. 1t
is pretty dicker in quarters where no
important advantages can be had. In
the hands of the Chinese wall-builderS
reciprocity schemes are humbugs. and
only serve to delude and catch the
thoughtleSS.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05

that direction. In the exposition of
thatlife given by ANDREW CARNEGIE a
few months ago, the picture of the sad
and perilous condition of the millionaire
was wildly drawn, and, perhaps. has
done something to awaken tine growing
interest in the welfare of the wealth.
encumbered. There are humane and
philanthropic movements for the relief
of the poor, the afflicted, and
even the criminal classes, but until
quite recently none have seemed to
catch on to the fact that the excessively
rich have demands upon the compass
sionate and those who do the Samaritan
business. Their chances for relief in
another world are pictured in the hope
less attempt of the camel to go through
the eye of the needle. In this life most
OF the time is spent in vain quest of
healing waters to restore their failing
powers, and lodging the opportunities
OF those who want to relieve them by
sharing their possessions. The ability
to use wisely and enjoy In a wholesome
way great fortune is generally lost in
the acquisition. In theory the idea of
earthly living is found in the avenues
opened by the millions. Practically,
CARNEGIE says the millionaire bust
ness is the most difficult and oner-
GUS in the world. 1t may be
said that relief is always available
in getting rid of the surplus that is
burdensome. A prominent preacher
says he was cured of dnmbness by the
exercise of the will alone That is far
more probable than that the millionaire
should purposely divest himself Of the
right to the designation. A number of
able writer's of late. like Bishop WHIP
PIE. Cardinal GIBBONS and others, have
discussed this subject in sympathetic
way, but none of them have suggested
practical means of ameliorating the con-
dition of the millionaire As the mat
ter becomes more clearly understood,
agencies will perhaps be devised for
making the millionaire useful to him
self and society, and as able to enjoy
life as other people.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
PERSONAL PARAGRAPHS.

Deacon White. who made such a dis
astrous failure in his attempt to corner
corn, Will resume business with cap
ital of S250,00O. 1t might be better. to
retire on it.
Augustus st. Gaudens, the sculptor.
has made a colossal copper statue OF
Diana, eighteen feet high, which is to
be placed on top of the tower of the
Madison Square garden building, New
York.
Senator PETER has resigned the editor
ship of the Kansas Farmer, and here
after the Farmer will eschew politics
and devote its attention to agriculture.
Inc eX-editor will eScbew agriculture
and devote his attention to politics.
Nice-PreSidcnt Morton has engaged
ID. NJ. Cottrell. assistant superintendent
of the Kansas State Farm and a grad
uate OF the Kansas State college. as
superintendent of "Etlerslie," Mr..
Morton's country residence at Rhine
beck-on-the-Hu Hudson.
Prince Bismarck's health is now said
TO be excellent. A German who visited
him recently said that the eX-chancelIOr
spent more than two hours in the saddle
on one day and more than four hours in
riding over his estate in carriage on
the following day.
HO hlhS VI w urleuOerR mas been
sick for some time, but it is believed
that he will recover. Baron Mason
jackson. the American favOrte of tho
King, who was born in Steubenville, o.,
still retains the friendship of his
majesty, despite the intrgues of enYi-
Gus courtierS.
George Eliot, Florence Nightingale.
Mrs and Miss Fawcett were mentioned
by Sir Henry ParkeS in moving his
female suffrage resolution in New South
wales recently as fine specimens of in
tellectual women. WhereupOn mem
Der inQuiringly named Mrs. Annie
Besant Certainly" replied the vet
eran premier, Il include Mrs. Besant."
And Sarah Bernhardt?" queried a ma
llclous oppOSitionist. That was too
much for the house. and there was a
general roar of laughter Sir Henry
smiled, too, but shook his head.
The young king of Spain babe fare
well TO his nurse, MaXimiua PalaZuela,
a short time ago. For five years and "A
half she was with his youthful majesty
day and night. The little fellow was so
strongly attached TO her that it was
feared their separation would endanger
his health 70 make the parting easier
the nurse left Madrid the day the court
departed for San Sebastian. she Is To
receive comfortable pension from the
royal treasury. A considerable sum Of
money was also given to the womaB'1
husband, who IS a carpenter.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
A LESSON OF LIFE.

A long days journey there lay before:
/ crossed the meadow at breaking morn;
saw the road wind by hill and moor
Beyond the hills was my distant bourne.
1 thought of the greeting Ishould win
What was il moaned at my feet meanwhile?
A poor old terrier lame and thin:
l STOPPED and helped hun over the stile
Then would have crossed; but dreary yeIp
Arrested ME. aud | turned, TO view
A limping poodle whose need of help
Was manifest; and helped him, 100.
OF every nation and tribe are they,
And each has fresh resistess vile;
Each says in his-own peculiar way:
just help lame dog over the stiIe?r
They re greyhound. Syke, Ponleranian;
They limp along in an endless file.
They're smooth or curly. Iheyre black and
tan.
They are all lame and wouia cross The st.Ic
The shadows deer Ell OR hill and glen
Dim is my lGaihwar OF MAJ, miie-
", = iii ren",s III ] g =; VIE
me last line ,i.i - ~. n. >Iiie.
nay kenGa.. ia Lo.isllA. .i.asazine.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
THE CHEAPER WAY.

1t has been urged by divines and
those accepted as experta in supermun-
dane affairs, that there should be a
greater infusion of business and finan-
cial principles in the attempt to chris
tianize the heather. The injunction to
go into all parts of the world and ditfuse
the gospel is not taken in bald literal
ism without economic considerations.
In the work of converting the heather
it is found that the more economical and
fruitful way is to corral promising young
samples of the unenlightened stock,
bring them to this country, if not al
ready here, put them through the regen-
Grating sand educational processes, and
send them back to their people to do
the missiOnarySwOrk. Such naturally
know how to get at the vulnerable
points in the moral and spiritual
anatomy of those of their nativity and
natural texture. They must have the
touch that aliens In modes of life and
habits Of mind and language cannot
acquire. Experiments are worth more
than theories. In New York the Bap-
lists converted a young Chinaman,
CHAM CUM SING, and sent him to China
to convert his countrymen. In one year
he gathered into the fold and baptized
sixty heather Chinese, while in the
same time forty-eight missionaries of
that denomination in China were able
to show but fortY-nine safely under the
water. The cost of the Chinese evan
gelist for the year was Sl20, while the
forty-eight American workers cost ST.
600. 1t is seen that in financial way
the experiment was an immense sue
cess. That method, then. is away out
of sight of the common one in effecting
the ends SOUGHT. 2
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
BOOKS RECEIVED.

"A Woman in the Case. or Debtor to
the Devil" J. S. Ogilve, New York.
''Socials," by Etfie w. Merriam.
Charles II. Sergel & Co., Chicago.
The Captain of Company H." by
Joseph Kirkland. Donohue, Henne-
berry Il Co.. Chicago.
= rhe Marriage of Gerard by Andre
'fheariet. Laird & Lee. Chicago.
''ihe Business OF Travel" by w.
Fraser Rae. Thomas Cook Il Son, New
York.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
THE POOR MILLIoNaIaE.

JAY GOULD is breaking down from
overwork. That is the story of recent
dispatches. 1t is not surprising one.
Nor is the great railroad magnate an ex-
ception among the Woodworking mill
ionaires of the land. There is album
dant evidence that the millionaire role
is an arduous one. and the heartless
people who are free from the burdens
and cares of excessive wealth do not
have the least sympathy In expeRd in
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
LONE-STAR BEAMS.
Texas siftings.

Texas Siftings.
a net that only big fish can get into
the cabinet.
Lard, it applied at once, will remove
the discoloration after bruise.
The baby can't walk much himself.
but he likes to see other people walk.
The maa with the most faults grieyes
at his neighbours one little shortcoming.
When powder magazine blows up
it can, we suppose, be called flash litera-
ture.
There is many dynamiter who is
afraid TO give his mother-ln-law blow
ing up.
There IS a church to every 1850 in
habitants of Cincinnati and saloon to
every l00.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-10-05
PERIODICALS RECEIVED.

Outing, New York.
The Engineering Magazine, World
Building, New York.
The Century, The Century Company,
New York.
The New York Ledger, Robert Bon
ner's Sons, New York.
Harper's Weekly, Harper Il Bros,
New York.
The Graphic, The Graphic Company,
Chicago, lii.
Kate Fields Washington, Washing
ton, d. c.