The record-union., 1891-12-19
A sHAKY RURG.

This town is not called Biliousville.
but everybody knows that's its name.
1t is chiefly notable as being the origin
of ague and earthquakes. The principal
occupation OF its populace is chills and
fever.
The main import is quinine and the
only export is invalids.
Everything here is shaky and infirm.
Clocks and watches are obsolete, and the
compass, thermometer and barometer
are failures, being always in state of
Everything else is nailed down or an
chored out. The Shaking Quakers had
their origin here.
Biliousville was originally located on
the creek, the houses built in the conyen-
tional manner, and streets laid out regu-
Iarly. Now its location varies every
other day, the houses move to other
premises, and the streets change like the
patterns in q kaleidoscope, but rather
more irregularly.
There are no saloons except drug
stores. Nothing is strong enough here
for beverage, because no one can tell
when he's drunk until he's unconscious.
and then he's dead.
Every body takes quinine, however, or
anything else they have use for, if they
have a chance.
The only future prospect for the town
is That 1t Will become popular as SANTA
long. The cemetery is large, commodi-
GUS and t1ourishing, but no reliance can
be placed on tombStOneS or epitaphs
owing TO the general convulsions. a
wooden headboard with Chinese in
scrlptlon thereon now adorns the grave
OF rich druggist, and his own monu-
ment of black marble is holding down
Mongolian fifty feet distant.
Nothing. is stationary here but the
1uture prospect. The only way of escape
from here is by boat or death. If L miss
the former will swim for it. SQU1NK.
STRANDED AT LAST.
MUDvILLE, December 22d.
came here involuntarily. A man at
Stockton, Professor Omega, was starting
on cruise with new flying machine,
and he wanted an intelligent party to 90
along and work the squiedromotor.
was the only one there, and being
promised permanent position L ac-
cepted. We started and went and came
to Mudville.
The thing worked beautifully for
awhile. Then it worked differently, and
then quit, collapsed, and landed us here.
The cause ofthe effect was the eccentric,
which caught on the guy-rods of the
safety-valve. This careened the dynamo.
setting fire to the topsail, which threw
the rudder out of gear and knocked the
equipoise out of the suuiedromotor and
me. and we alighted.
The next morning / looked around
town Tor Professor Omega, the f1yaeral-
1st, but he was still some rods down
street with his feet up and the rest of him.
evidently down, in the mud.
As the professor was very eccentric and
assumed various attitudes, when his at
tention was absorbed, / thought he was
all right, and simply taking observa-
tons" He was always taking observa-
tons when no one understood what he
he was doing.
AS he didn't come in during the even
ing began to realize that he had a per-
manent posltlon-the one he doubtless
intended for me; but, as one can't leave
the sidwalk in Mudville, / let him have
it.
Mudville's chief attraction in the winter
Is that 1t is dusty in the summer
Reople who come here at this season
IN air-ships, always remain until the next
June. They sometimes try to get away.
but perish, and their personal effects are
lost, together with their personality.
The professor has on an oroide watch
and chain, celluloid plaza on his shirt
and other jewels, but the landlord of the
hotel says they'll sink shaft and get it
in the spring.
If can get the hotel to accept an option
on the relics of the professor and the
flying machine, / will remain here until
/ can get hence. If not, III Just stay
around.
l send this by telegraph. Nothing but
dispatches can get out of here at this sea-
son. SoUINK.