The critic., 1891-02-26
OVER THE NUTS AND WINE.


In school-"whst is a yolcano:n "A hot
mountain "Yes, but what does 1t throw
out!" "Wcll, dirt, stones and saliva [Factl
could and yet be bald.
Winding your own business is not enough.
You must transact 1t.
Ladies seldom hit the nail on the head. They
are more apt to hit the nail on the finger.
II was Missouri man who was arrested he
cause his breath hadn't an internal revenue
stamp on 1t.
Arc the woods of the Amazon called .virgin
forests" because they have never been axed!
81 can't change my mind" said Chappie.
~ might have known that" retortcd his ex-
asperatcd partner. "There Is no lower denoni-
ination in minds than yours. ."--Eceaing Sun.
our failure is too recent to allow you to wear
this diamond necklace.-Le Figaro.
Guests at the restaurant (over plate of
chops which are nothing but boncs)-But,
waitress, these arc regular ballct-chops!-
F2iegende Biattr.
"But this girl Egbert is engaged to--isn't
she rather giddyS She seemed to me rather
thoughtlcss creature"
"Thoughtessn answered Egbert's mother.
<"NsNf'ef'Vtso
journal.
"whet is the deepest depth OF ignorance :"
asked the philosopher musingly, and the man
Of the world made haste TO answer: "It is the
ignorance displayed by q railway official when
there has been wreck on his road."-!S
Joseph Neus.
Mrs. 0ldtymcs--Thesc new notions about
feeding babies nothing but sterillzed milk and
| heap Of work all for nothing. had eleven
| babies, and ought to know something about
IT: The oid ways arc good enough. i,
1oumg N M@tnsr,A1d ,na,nri,As did your children all
MIRA 6ldtymcs--iwo Of them did Brooklyn
LUs.
Ayoung lady in a Northport lMainc) school
compared Ill In this manner: 'sNoninativc, iil;
| comparative, worse; superlative, dead" The
es e0Mfd wth a sa S ~
sadness which he felt, arose and said: "Scholars,
| you can have Hftccn minutes for the
funeral. " Bangor Commercial.
Key. DR.. RogrthIy.l,m afraid, my dear sister
taste for pemicious literature / saw hi1, hin
!, Mrs; Deacon-Yes; that was ".chlcaso Pete.
The ,Kidmapcd KID, Yesterday he read rs Utah @
fore "Yallerskin," the Chinatown Fiend."
I'm bringing him East by. degrees, you see;
! III have him safely landed In Boston in less
than week. Brooklyn Life.
| St. Agedore-Did understand you to say
that Mics Wayerly was ilIf
tlon)-No; said found her going into de-
cllne.-st Joseph Nt'os.
Mise serc--And 10 this is your birthday, Is
Little Mamic-Ycs, ma'am.
Miss Scre-Mne IL in June, the 18th OF June.
Little Mamic-I think that is very won
Miss Sore wonderfuls why, prays
Little Mamie That you can still remember
t.--Boston Counter.
Mamma-It seems to me that your future
husband IL u little too exacting lie wants
this, that and the other. i consider him per
Vioiet-Wcli, dear mamma, we can AFFORD
TO indulge him for once. Let him have hii
way now-you know II will be the last tlme.--
Ne'O York Ledger.
Father Young Walker has been devoted L
yon for two or three years, hasn't hep
Daughter-fes, papa.
Father-lsnt he very slow about proposing
Daughter-ies, George is u little slow, but .
think he's snre.-Nep York Ledqer.
llarry-Dearest why this agitation Why d,
yon hide your face from me? Can you no
speak one little wordi
Carry lin choking yoice)-Rcally, Harry l.
l-cannot. Accuse me; but your emotion ha
caused you to burst your shirt collar.-Ftek.
A Poet in Love.
"The splendid swell OF her hips,
The pink OF her finger tips,
And o, her kissable lips
As over the pave she trips"
Lcnten Devotion.
Kneeling humhly In the pew,
Her fair hand shades her eyes OF blue,
With mind intent,
trust on Lent.
Yet somehow can't help feeling,
stealthy glances she Is stealing
Across the AISLE
Once In while,
To note her rivals great distress
That she has oh q new Six dress.
-Neso Hacea Ne'ps.
His Lenten Sacrifice.
Gently they paced the busy street.
With its Windows all a-glOw;
~ have given up candy for Lent, she cried,
In q tone intense and low.
lie could have capered and danced for Joy,
But he curbed himself In time,
And softly whispered; lyon little saint,
Your courage IL Just sublime"
nBut howers,n she said, ~ may st'l accept;
Then he ehiyered with speechless ight
For flowers are dearer than candy, far
And he saw himself bcggared, quite.
But sudden thought to his brain brough
peace,
That mold our will, for II happens, dear,
Ibaye given NJ buying nowern."