Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-01-05

No mouse has ever caught woman
yet. Why all this trepidatiOn?
Teacher-How do you spend Sunday,
Tommy? TOMMY can't spend it at all.
Pa makes us keep the Sabbath.
Yes, she said, 1 always obey my hus-
band, but reckon 1 have something to
say about what his commands will be.
He Cat IL 90 p. m. u declare, the
lamp is going out! She-Yes. The lamp
seems to have some idea of time.
A lady writes at the end Of a letter to
friend Now 1 must conclude, for my feet
are so cold that can hardly hold my pen
A good time for patience to have her
perfect work, is when you find out that
there is too much saleratus in the biscuit.
Well, Mishter McPhelim, how'd We
schlape last night? All, bhad, Denny,
bhadl Unconscious a good dale av the
tonne.
A man in Homer, Michigan, is SAID to
find skunk raising profitable business, but
he don't kick his stock around as some
farmers do.
Miss Reader-Your Outing" article in
the Midsummer Monthly is delightfully."-
breezy. 1t ought to be. 1t was written
last March.
Customer-My watch which you repair
ed some time ago has stopped. Jeweller
All! my collector informs me that the
bill is still running.
Accepted Suitor-My own owDest, you
are absolutely the best. Prospective
Housekeeper (archly)-You've been read
ing the baking powder advertisement.
She-Oh, Mr.. Wedgerly, did you ever
keep a diary? He-Yes, L kept one three
years once. She-Oh, how lovely. He
Charming l kept it locked up in my
trunk
Friend-Let me suggest an arrange
ment by which you can prevent your arti-
Giles from being returned. Author-Well
Friend - Don't enclose any postage
stamps.
His Fiancee-Are you sure you would
love me Just as tenderly if our condition:
were reversed-if you were rich and
were poor? He-Reverse our conditions
and try me.
'I.m not going to advertise in the
any more" ''Why not?" II got thOus
and answers to my advertisement for
boy, and lost two hundred dollars wortl
OF time reading them"
Tu1na Won robba6 uOnr haOafactnr II
most shameful way. Do you feel n
compunctions of conscience? Defendan
Before answering, sir, l would like t
consult my counsel.
eff l have ever used any unkind word
to you, Sarah," said Mr.. Meek, calmly, g
will take them all back" Eyes, indeed
she replied; L suppose SO you can us
them all over again.
A youth of Biddeford, Me-, had an eH
cellent excuse for hardness. The missiv
he bore to the teacher from his mothe
read: Please excuse Alfred for being lat,
He had shad for dinner.
John, said Mr.. Stingy's wife, 1 woul
not buy any more two dollar trousers if
were you. Why not? This last pair yo
bought are the Identical ones 1 sold tt
ragman six weeks ago for fifty cents.
New Spirit-Was that very bad ma
you just turned away? t.Peter-No; h
record is good enough; but he's been Il
head man in a small town all his life, ar
L know thereT be no living with him.
You say that all dreams are due
something influencing the sleeper at tn
particular moment. How do you accouI
for my dreaming the other night that
was dead? Probably the room was t
hot.
Teacher-Freddy Fangle, you may gil
Freddy-s'Dunnoi ''DonneauI That
right. l am glad you have studied 20
lesson so we'll Freddy is surprised, b
keeps still.
Oh, no-there amt any favorites in o
family, soliloquized Johnny. Oh, no
guess not, If 1 bite my finger nail:
catch it over the knuckles. But the ba
can eat his whole foot and they think i
just cunning.
Sympathetic Visitor-Mrs. A, what
you suppose makes you suffer so? Nj
Al don't know, I'm sure. and belle
nothing buta postmortem will ever shO
Visitor-You poor thing! You are
weak you could never stand that!
Nov look here" said the prefes,
20 the Infatuated bull, "Yoa are my ~
gior In strength, ! am your superior
MUD Let Us aFbltrate this matter q
ste which should by right get the bet
of bur runtruYrfsYi" oh hoi" rep
Ehe bull, "lrt'r toss up for it, The
tssrgr lost,