The Forrest City times., 1891-05-22
CHINESE JOKES.
Stories That the Almond Eyed Celestial
 Tell over Tea.

Tell Over Tea.
 We are accustomed to think of the Chinese as looking people with slanting eyes and the corners of their mouth much drawn down. says the Philadelphia Bulletin. Nevertheless they have jest-book. and its name is ''Siao Ii Siao." Here are translations of some of the jests. The reader will be struck by the similarity of many of them to Western jokes:
 A confirmed drunkard, in his dreams, imagined that he had found cup of excellent toddy and put it by the fire to warm in order to bring its flavor out the better But the moment he att tempted to taste the delicious draught he awoke. Fool that I was, The cried; ''why could I not have drunk it cold"
 A certain man had his portrait painted, and when it was finished the painter requested him to inquire of the passers-by what they thought of it, in order that he might know how he had succeeded. The other agreed, and asked the first-comer:
 Do you think this picture-likeP"
 '.The hat is extremely like" replied the would-be critic.
 He asked a similar question of a second stranger, who answered that the clothes seemed to be exactly repro duced. He was about to interrogate a third, when the painter stopped him and said:
 'The resemblance of the hat and clothes is of no importance; ask the
 The stranger hesitated a very long time; but at last, not being able to es- cape giving an answer, he replied:
 The beard and the hair arc first rate"
 A rich man, living between the forges of two blacksmiths, was con- tinually annoyed by the noise of their hammers, and was in despair at being unable to rest either by day or by night At first he tried to induce them to hammer more quietly; then he made them all kinds of promises if they would only change their ahodes. The two blacksmiths at last fell in with his proposals, and he transported with joy at the prospect of their de- of expense at farewell banquet. At the end of the feast he asked them where they intended to set up their smithies.
 Well" said one of them. "he who lived on your left will go to the smithy on your right and he who lived on your right will go to that on your left"
 A lady who had but lately been mar ried, seeing her husband return after three days absence. stole up secretly behind him and gave him kiss. The husband was angry, and told her that she had offended against all his mo- tions of propriety.
 T am very sorry" she exclaimed;
 I really didn't know it was you, my lovem
 Let us conclude with story well known to our own grandfathers. It is curious that notions of humor should run so much in the same grooves, from China to Peru.
 Two brothers cultivated the same plot of ground. One day the eldest, on leaving to get the dinner ready, called to his brother to come with him. He, however, shouted out at the top of his voice:
 Wait until I have hidden my spade and then will come"
 While they were having their meal the other reproached him bitterly for this indiscretion.
 "When one hides a thing said he, ''one ought to preserve silence, or, at any rate, not speak above a whisper; for, in shouting as you did just now, one invites people to steal"
 Dinner over, the younger brother returned to the field, looked for his spade. and found it gone. So, running to his brother. he whispered mysteri. ously in his ear.
 My spade is stolenln
 There are other jokes in this curious book. but the average standard of humor does not appear to be high. Enough has been quoted to show the kind of jest which tickles the inhabit- ants of the Flowery Land. If many more were given it is to be feared that the readers eyes might become as slanting and the corners of his mouth as much depressed as those of the sad. faced Chinee himself