The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-05-23
OUR VISITING FRIENDS.
Text Of Col. %Ingersoll's Brilliant
Speech at tho Banquet
Monday Night
In His Happiest Vein, Replete With
Wit, Wisdom and Apt
Illustrations.
Several Good Stories That Served to Spice
ths Feast Of Reason and The
Tlow or Soul

The speech of Col. r. q. In0ersoll, at the
Hotel broadwater, on Monday evening last.
in response to the toast. "Our Visiting
Friends,' was as follows:
Mr.. President and gentlemen: 1t has
been said that co%ntentment is the greatest
possible wealth, and ! suppose that neKt 10
absolute contentmo ont, and nearly exnctly
the Same thing, is perfect self satisfaction.
Laughter. / think / have found it here.
daughter and applause. II has been said
that an old minister in Kentucky, endeav-
orinR to impress Upon his hearers the beau
ty of the heaven they were about to go to,
provided they joined his church laughter,
after exhausting all the superlatives OF
which he was master, wound up by saying:
Brethren and sisters, in short, it's a regu-
lar old Kentucky place." Laughter. I
suppose you arc expecting in an
other world, simply another Montana.
Laughter and applause. tGoy. Hauser
"That's all w want."] We'll, it is delight
full to Gee a man who thinks he does live
right in the middle of the reesined Eden,
and to h We the feeling, not only that he
lives in the right place, but that everything
he does 10 right. iLaughter.l That he has
~ 80 eaS So SoASAA va
ter. A fow years ago a fellow from Massa-
chusetts was down in South Carolina, and
as he walked along the street, after he had
been there some time, there was an old fell
low mailing a sign upon his honse, ''For
SAIL and this Massachusetts fellow looked
at the old man and said, eth isn't the
way to spell sale.'' And the old fellow,
with a great deal of contempt, turned to
him and said: d.
How long have you lived in Charles
ton?"
"Well.' he says, II awe been here about
a year" a
"well, young man." said the Charles
t%onian, II was born here; ! guess l know
how to spell SALE" Loud laughter
and applause. There is nothing
so beautiful as confidence in the place
where you reside. Laughter. 1t was
further illustrated by Col. Sanders in a
very pleasing way whom no compared the
senate of the United States to the legisla-
ture of Montana laughterl, very much, as
understand it. to the disadvantage of the
aforesaid senate. Laughter. They tell
q story of Mrs. Jones, of Chicago. who Wis
tied Rome, and while there was shown
some of the great marble masterpieces of
the world, and among others the Apollo
Belvidere. They pointed it out to her as
being the most perfect form of man that
had ever been conceived by the brain of an
artist; and the old woman walked all
around il, looked at ii from every point of
view and she says:
That's the Apollo Belvidere, is itT
eyes"
"Well. give me JONES'" Loud laughter
Nothing is more affecting than such mar
ital confidence and such domestic faith
and by the side of that ! put the patriotism
of the cononel. Well, gentlemen, seriously,
| am delighted that you are delighted
[laughterl; l am glad that you prefer this
that your dreams will all be realized and
that this mountainous country will produce
Il most marvellous race of men and women.
But there is a fiat part of this state. be-
lieve came through several hundred miles
where l didn't see much but fiat. What are
you going to do with TINT part of the state?
Now, the mountains having been spoken
for. allow me to say one word IN favor OF
the rest of the state. Now, MS a matter of
fact, some of the greatest people of the
whole world have lived where the earth was
as fat as the average presidents message
laughter We must remember that old
Van Tromp, a Dutch admiral, smiled
up ind down the British channel
wit a broom at his masthead, saying,
II have swept the ocean clear
VI IHAio Ni@ ~ pSSfANS
not in sight of any mountains; nothing
higher than a bed where they planted tulips,
produced some of the noblest and some Of
the most wonderful men of the world, and
above all the greatest painter, in my judg-
ment, that ever mingled soul with paint,
Rembrandt. Applause. l say this sim
ply for the sake of the flat country. / agree
entirely with the commissioner of the gen
eral LAND office that the mountains have
produced some of the noblest men. l adj
-~sA LArA t"A x-r-4 - r,Nn 1NONn Va II
that all parts of your state are equal in the
production of very fine American citizens.
Now. | like all of this country, including
Montana. Laughter. There are some
states for which | might say have no great
a~ffection-what little l Know of them; but
cause his thing called civilization is
growing every moment, everywhere. not
only here but in other countries. and we
are becoming. az has been we'll and beauti-
fully said, n much greater people from year
America from the years '62. 1913 and '64, for
fifteen years, the most marvellous
exaltation over attained by any
race of men. There was n time when we
were infinitely in love with Justice, with
freedom to every man, woman n child
standing beneath tho flag. Now, my only
fear is that after pussing through that
splendid period, that we may come back to
trade, that we may come back to the minor
things of life and to what you may call the
harassinR details of business; that we may
then be governed Il little more by our self
ishness; grow q little smaller and nll at
once say: People enough have come
to this country, we don't want
any more, no matter whether
they are oppressed in their own lands or
not; no matter whether any poor man, in
some far off land. has a dream for his chill
dren aud snys. 81 will take them to the
great republic where every man, no matter
how poor he may be, can take his little boy
OH his knee and say, John, all the avenues
to distinction are open TO you; there is the
school house open to you.'"
/ tell you that sweetens and makes sacred
every drop of sweat that rolls down the
face of honest toll. and yet some people are
saying, 1--WE have got enough of them; We
have got enough" In my Judgement it is
all wrong, all wrong. Ii you loo at the
map Of the country about which sc
much has been said, and &c
we'll said; Just take the Missis
sippi river and it, tributaries, all that vast
area drained by that system of rivers
toll you tonight there il
plenty of room, plenty of room
to take care of and feec
and clothe and furnish roof and raiment
and education to six hundred millions Of
people. Loud applause. We here in the
United States have got about one-seventl
of the good land i'll this world, here in the
United States. There are only about fifty
millions of square miles in the whole eartl