Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-03-06
WIT AND IIUMOR.

The best Christian Is the man who
never mentions the fact that he Is one.
-AtchisoH Globe.
Money has some human character
istics. 1t talks aud /, gets tight
IfttS0urg Chronicle.
Somehow we never notice what those
people have on who come to us In our
trouble, -AtchiSon GLOBE.
You must hustle to win. In the jack
pot of life the man who is shy Is not in
it. Indianapolis Journal.
/ Jnks-"What black eve you have!
Been boxingp" Binks-''No; getting
boxed!"-BoStOn 1raveier.
IL seems to he easier To he Napoleon
! Of Finance than to pay 100 cents on
dollar LetclSton Journal.
! Those waves remind me of the SER
wants had last year" $50 greenP"
mo. Breakers.
Very few hearts arc ever so badly
broken that Il little golden salyc will
not make them better than new
Boston 1raUeier.
The days are "short" now because
]
there was. and time is money.--Iftts-
5urq Chronicle.
Poct-"I sent you some verses this
morning." Editor-"All right. I'll
see that YOU get them back right away"
N. I. World.
Shadv-"My reputation is very dear
to me-" Ontoit-"Prohahly. Have 10
pay cash for everything don't you?'-
Detroit Free Press.
The earliest instance of gambling
known t. history was when a pair-o'
dice was thrown up by Adam and Eve.
st. Joseph NelOS.
Johnny-''W ia n theory. pap"
Pa--''A theory, my son. is IN impract-
icahle paI for doing something taat is
impossible. "-iuck.
When well-known prevaricator de-
clared that he was afraid to lie Poots
replied that he had too mean an opinion
OF his own courage. Life.
What is the solution OF the negro
problem?' demanded the orator.
"Four-elevcn -forty-four. replied n
man in the audience.-N. y. Sun.
Dashaway-'I have fallen into the
bad habit OF talking to myself lately"
Cleverton-"l wondered why YOU were
looking SO bored. "-Hdrper'S Basar.
Singlcton-"Are all typewrters
prettv?" Bencdict-"WelI. every
mans wife thinks that her husband 5
is, anywayv-Ld'0rence american.
Simpson is curious fellow; l
never knew him to laugh at joke"
Then it's evident YOU never heard
him tell one himself. y. Times.
Alphonso-"Do YOU know. Miss
Maud. WEAKLY had half a mind lahst
night" Miss Maud-"O. why didn't
you call on me last night?'-Dctro't
Free Press.
Il can't imagine said the lawyer
show plot like that can continue
Through five acts" 20. but you see.
in the second suit at law is begun
-Fliegendc Biatter.
a correspondent wants to know il
dts are hereditary" Any small boz
compelled to wear ont his fathers old
clothes could tell him they are not
indianapolis Journal.
when "A fcllah goes into society 10 meet
one ; tradrSpeopie." Cynicus-"Why.
taey don't dun you before the company,
do they ?'-N. j. sun.
Teachcr-'You think sin is an adj
| jcctve. do YOU? How would YOU com
pare it?" Smart boy Positive. sin
comparative, sinner; superlativc,
cynic.'-BuGaiO Express.
Nature" says Scapplcton. "ncvci
makes mistake" 20, | don't know
about that; look Mt the dude" Yes
but she didn't waste any brains on
him. - WASHINGTON io,t
a Canadian doctor has inst beer
;estifying that murdered mans hear
stopped right in the middle of IA r'rat.
That's nothing; policemen often do th'
3 same thing. Utica Heraid.
WHO is making all this tnlk?" asked
= tho vinegar bottle severely ut a socia
repast. Il am" said the champaign
. bottle proudly from the head OF TIT
. tabIe.-Nes0 orleans hicayule.
2 Mr.. Blngo-"IIere's bill for gas.
Mrs. Bingo-"But the gas has heel
turned off all summer" Mr.. Bingo-
well. tnis is a bill for the gas tina
\ was turned of. ~ y. Herald.
Bloomer (to ragged urchin)-"You
- parents leJ' YOU something whe
they died did they not?" Urchin-
%. yes. Cir" Bloomer-"What Iii
they leave you?' Urchin-"Au orphan
sir.'-Epoch.
Lawyer-"Weil sir, we won the case
hut it was pretty narrow victory.
Client-"Yes, thought the other sid
had us until you showed that thei
princi pal witness was c fisherman. -
ain"sey's Weekly.
Miss Porkington-" understand th'
Gilbert and Sullivan will meet agai
5, aud settle their differences. Mis-
Bostone-"T'll bet rib Sullivan knock
him out inside Of three rounds. "
Washington star.
Sauso-"Brown is fine fellow. bl
he has never been the same since IN;
accident hammered To him ROdd