The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1891-11-24
THE ARIZONA K
1t Is a Foolish Mar Who Tackles a
Western Editor.

y ~ IL LAtLHt| Walls 10 Gil
gage a spirited and en~terprisirg young
man who is not afraid of work and is
ambitious to build himself up, to act
as a collector. We have about 5000
standing out, and will furnish a mule
and two ~revolvers as an outfit free of
expense. The collection will be allowed
to retain half Of his collections.
We regard this as a splendid opening
for sOmea ambitious Eeastern man who
wants to work up in journalism. He
will no doubt be shot at fifty times for
every hundred dollars he collects, but
if he's got the right sort of sand he'll
pull through and come out on top
of the heap.
After we've given him a dozen les
sons on getting the drop, and he's had
a couple Of days acquaintance with
our mule, we'll back him to tackle any
one of u non-paying subscribers out
side of a rihe-pit' In case of death we
guarantee a fair to medium funeral.
Apply at once.
AT IT AGAIN.-As is we'll known to
the readers of the Kicker we have a
private graveyard with ten graves in
it. The ten graves represent ten diff
ferent men who were mistaken in
sizing us up for an editor without
backbone. We did the fair thing in
each and every case-sending for the
COrOner-buying a coffin-turning out
the boys in procession, and so on.
The average cost has been $27 per
funeral, and that's rich for thislocality.
Our contemporary, who has never
shot a man, has been insanely jealous
and on two occasions before last night
has been caught in the act of trying to
steal some of the head boards to start
a graveyard Of his own. At 10 o'clock
last night we received word that he
was out there again. We mounted
our mule and rode out. He had just
commenced operations. He had his
old mule hitched to the fence, and
took the alarm and mounted before we
got up. We run him seven miles, but
his mule was the fastest and he got
away.
We want to be n~sighborly as an
editor, but we also want this old lop-
shouldered, bowlegged hyena to
thoroughly understand that he has
at last made us tired, and that any
further fooIiag around on his part will
leavehis milk nd-water old sheet with
out a head.
IT WAS A FAILURE.-We got a sly
hint several days ago that the post
master of this town, whom we have
had to shoot in three different places
within a year, in order to expedite the
mail service and prevent him from
walking on us, had sent over to Tubac
to get q mar to do us up. The routine
of getting out one Of the biggest and
brightest weekly papers in America
subscriptions payable in advance)
went on just the same, however, and
we didn't do any private and conf
denttial worrying.
All the ~foreneen yesterday we heard
some one hOllering around the streets
for gore and upon inquiry learned that
it was the man from Tubac. He was
reported as being a real, old-fashioned
terror from Grizzly Mountain, with
his toenails dyed red and his eyes
shining like two camp fires, and that
he was also looking for us. We were
never more calm or serene. We sent
out to our grave digger to excavate
another hole, and wrote a note to Steve
Williams, the undertaken, to varnish
mings on.
It was about 4 o'clock in the after
noon when we finished our editorial
labors for that day and started out for a
saunter. Just as we turned into Sioux
place the man from Tubac jumped out
on us from a doorway and started in to
secure our right ear as a relic. We
sat up with him the most of the night
last night. One of the bullets has been
extracted, but the other couldn't be
reached with a three foot stick. I'm
less Inflammation sets in he will very
likely pull through. If he does he
assures us that he will be a changed
man.
He wouldn't exactly say that the
postmaster gave him $50 to come over
and humble our proud editorial spirit,
but he said enough to satisfy us that
we must run over tomorrow and have
another pop at Mr.. Wanamaker's man.
He's Citing too coltish again.