The Lamar register., 1891-04-18
THE pINKLsmANs.
Sahsy Initiates His Uncle Into the soeiss,
Tor the Advancement of Trufl,fuln...


"shakey." said the old man, ITO
morrow your Uncle Smelzer comes DIV
us. You always plows apout your
goot manners und dries to maig your
mudder hafe holiness, SO ven your
uncle comes show him vot a goot poy
you vus. As dot phiIotsofer saws:
'Bractice vot you breach'"
Next day Uncle Smelzer came. He
was pleased with Jalzey at first sight.
de patted him on the head and said he
hoped Jakey would make things pleas
ant for him.
Oh uncle" said the junior Dinkle-
man, .I'll show you things vot YOU
meier saw before. I'll maig dings SO
iiveiy by you dot you don't know Pc
lore vot you hafe missed.n
Jakey really meant all this. His
uncle came from Philadelphia-the
city that has been asleep since 80
and Jakey thought it would be like a
nightmare for his uncle to see our
wonderful building and the like, but
Smeizer had seen it all and Jakey was
disappointed in not being able to full
nj the promise he had made of '.show-
ing him things he had never seen be-
lore and making things lively for him
''Nell, " he said to himself, II moost
not disappointed ooncle. l will maig
It lively for him. l will practice vot 1
breach.
First of all Jakev got permission
from his father to have the use of the
cellar the next night. then he went
out and got all the boys he could to-
gether and put them onto his little
game They were to be assembled in
the cellar the next evening prepared
TO make things lively for Mr.. Smelzer.
'-Oonele,n said Jalley to that gen.
tleman. 'before you go pack by Phila-
eelphial you shout shoin our society
Tor de advancement of druthfulness.
You do not have to live by druthful-
ness, but 1t maigs boobies hafe con-
hdences py you in pisness. You haf
py your sign: 'Smelzer de tailor.
Everything vot it is represented. l
am member of de Society for Ad-
yancement in Druthfulness.' See?
Customers come Ply you und you sharge
vot you like for clothes. You mag
money like water. ain'd id?n
Smelzer was delighted. You are
smard boobies py New Yoork." said
he Il shoin your society for sure ~
well We meet tonight You can
pc Initiative after eight o'clock
Before that hour the boys had assem-
bled and when the hour of eight came
around Jakey came into the store and
told Smelzer he could now prepare for
the services He took him down into
the little back room in the cellar and
put black cap over his head. Then
two OF the other boys took Smelzer by
the arms and led him out into the big
room of the cellar.
''Brooder You are now on de brink
ov de canyon of druth. Go foorth.n
a row of round logs were arranged
so that every time Smelzer stepped on
them they started to roll. AT the first
step he fell. Then Jakey and his
chuns began banging him with air
filed bladders. and rs he tried to get
up the logs began rolling from under
him. Then they hit him and kicked
him some more and put out the lights.
To finish up the business they threw
lot of water on him Smelzer howled
and the boys got away with all speed
NdNSSft oNhNs- AAt went up uuu Cillt
into the store. Old Dinkleman heard
the noise and hastened down the
stairs. He found Smelzer on his knees
pleading for mercy. The blindfold
was quickly taken OF and Smelzer
explained what Jalsey had done with
him. When they got upstairs they
found Jakey quietly seated near the
stove.
You young devils.n began Dinkle-
man, "vot you mean by dreading your
ooncle so ngentlemanliness!''
You say, fader. dot moost practice
vat l breach, don't id?n
IAN, Shakey, you moost kill your
poor ooncle-rm vet und sore be-
gan Smeizer.
"Vell, ooncle." said Jakey with an
air of innocence, .'foder said moost
practice vot breech und l vas breech-
ing dot would gife you lifely time,
ain'd id? Don'd l do dot? Dou'd /
dry to keep my word? l belong me be
py dot society for druthfulness und-"
but before he could say more he walk
ed away covering his face, crying as
If his young heart would break
When he got to his room he could
not help but laugh like man who had
suddenly heard of the death of his
mother-in-law. ''Vell, l made it life
ly, by ooncle. Bractice vot breach,
Ell? Dots vot 1 did,