The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-03-29

FORGET MY PROMISES.
soap in every spring, and with whom we
are on terms of the closest intimacy, l
find that it is not regarded as an evil
dence Of refinement to squash a fly on
the table by means of ones knife.
Possibly in New York we may be su-
persensitive on this question, but speak
ing for myself l must say that we
have not, for the past year and half,
allowed ourselves the coarse gratifca-
ton of squashing flies at meal time, es-
pecially when we had any of the corned
heads or Guelph outfit stopping with US.
Still, all these things are matters of
taste. had college friend who be-
came a dentist. preferring it, as he said,
to the ministry because he never could
pray worth a cuss on an empty stomach.
Well, he had a preoccupied way of Dor
ing out old cavities and wiping off the
apex of his drill on his trousers. This
did not cut into his practice where he
was, but one day he outgrew the town
and wore high hat. He said that he
was sick of perusing the wide sweep of
the Farmers Alliance tonsil, so he sold
his COW and moved to a fat on Lexing-
ton avenue looking east.
He looked out the window there for a
few months, thinking and banting Then
q young lady from near the Forty-second
street reservoir came to get her mouth
surveyed. In the mirror she saw him
wipe his instrument on a bald spot
just forward of the portable mantel on
which he was wont to scratch his
matches mostly, and with wild scream
she fed with rubber dam in her
mouth and a tinker's dam in her port
monte with which to pay the dentist.
She was caught on Fifth avenue half
hour later, and pulled out from under
one of Colonel Jewdesprit Shepard's
portable sawmills.
But her mind was gone.
So has the dentist.
You see that these matters are largely
local in their nature. British Columbia
customs may sanction certain practices
which on Beacon street or Madison ave-
nue. would be coughed down. Now, for
instance, we had a fashion in my native
town of regarding it as q personal insult
if your guest left heel tap or dregs,
even if you left one dreg in your glass.
Your host had right to feel hurt and
to regard it as a mild contempt for your
rum. But when l began to move around
restlessly in good society, and exhibit
my earnest and hearty Endorsement of
the wine by approving of it in the crude
way to which had been accustomed, a
swift footed garcon filled the glass again
and kept me approving the hosts good
taste till my remarks were not logical.
would start out with a good premise,
and before | could reach conclusion
the premise would escape my mind.
learn now that it is not correct to drink
the entire contents of ones glass unless
one wants to do SO very much indeed
One should sip the liquid-if at all
slowly through ones mustache, mean
time looking far, far away, as if trying
TO recall the name of the brand; but
never should one eat or drink as If one
took any interest in it. That is excess.
lively vulgar. Eat with a preoccupied
and tiddledewinks air, as one would
who lived high at home and might be
for the nonce out doing some polite
stunning.
Estacado Jesus de Fonseca, of Conejos
county, Colo, writes to know "Who is
Jerry Simpson, the newly elected states.
man now in Washington, and what are
his qualifications as a lawmaker?'
II io ba
from the Seventh district of Kansas. He
is native of New Brunswick, and al
fourteen years of age went to sea, where
he became victim to the habit of going
utterly without socks. He takes great
pride in his well turned mahogany an.
kles and richly carved legs. AT full
dress parties and receptions the coming
season he will Offset the low corsage OF
the finely formed Washington bellies by
wearing a set of high cut panties, reveal
ing his well groomed though still slightly
chapped ankles.
He was mate of a large bark at the
age of twenty-five years, and thirteen
years ago left the sea to locate place il
Kansas. The Sockless Cicero of Kan.
sas, as he is playfully called, was largely
in his later years a fresh water sailor
and his last vessel was wrecked off Lud
ington, on Lake Michigan, and all or
board were saved through the heroism
of the captain.
Captain Jerry Simpson is now farm.
er, and it is said was elected because he
showed on the stump his sockless condi.
ton, claiming that he was SO poor and
honest that he could not afford socks
His successor will doubtless be plain
man, who will go about canvassing the
Seventh district and wiping his nose OF
the top rail of the fair ground fence be-
cause he is so plain and poor that he
cannot afford a handkerchief.
Until last june Mr.. Simpson was the