Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-09-10
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Didn't Mean It-FOrce of Habitat
Ball Game-Indulgence, Etc. 3,
Etc.

Ball Game-Indulgence, Etc. =,
Etc.
DIDN'T MEAN IT.
Jonjones-You are really pretty, Misu
Brown, but your sister is very homely.
Miss Brown-My sister wouldn't like
to hear you say that.
Jonjones-Oh, you mustn't mind me.
/ never mean what l say Yankee
Blade.
FORCE OF HABIT.
Blushing Girl-Yes, Dick, my heart
is in your keeping.
Young Baggageman--Myo own darling
Er-want u check for it?-IChicago
Tribune.
AT BALL GAME.
Novice-Which one of the players do
you call the catcher?
Chronic-That fellow with mask on,
that just called out "foul."
Novice-Why, was given to under
stand that was the umpire.
Chronic-Some people call him that,
but he's really the catcher; he catches
all the abuse of the "rooters. = Boston
Courier.
INDULGENCE.
Stan. de Rownde l see you
home?
May Knott (good naturedly)-Yes; you
may watch me start Puck.
GUILTLEss.
al hear you played the cornet at the
concert"
"No. sent substi-toot"
AN ANCIENT wRANGLE ENDED.
"Well, I'll acknowledge that we're
both black" said the Pot to the Kettle
after consideration. "Does that suit
your"
eyes, I'm sooted, if you are."-
Puck.
PATERNAL ILLUSTRATIONS.
Young Husband-Amy, what makes
that baby yell in that way?
Young Wife-His teeth, dear.
Young Husband-Oh, if that's all III
run for dentist and have them pulled
out Judge.
HOW SHE sMoTE HIM.
Harry" said a Fort street wife t,
| her husband, 81 want hundred dol
| lars"
ga hundred WHAT" exclaimed the hus
band.
i "Dolars," she replied, calmly.
"What for?"
"Oh, whole lot of things"
"Um-um," he hesitated, "I guess
shall have to check your extravaganza
my dear"
"Do," she smiled, "and make it pay
able to my order, please"
He collapsed then and there Detroi
Free Press.
PREFERRED THE SMOKING.
That man was in the best of hume
when he climbed on the cable car. III
was smoking cigar. Now and then h
would lift the seed Havana from his lip
and strike up two or three bars of II song
Then he would drop the song and tax
another draught or two from the cigar
A woman sat by his side, fidgeting un
der the smoke and fairly rebelling at tn
song. All the passengers suffered, bu
they suffered in silence till at length tn
happy man struck up:
"Oh, Genevieve, sweet Geneyieve"-
when the woman interrupted:
"Oh, smoke-smoke," she cried impa
tiently; 81 would rather smell your ciga
than listen to your song.'-[ [Chicag
Herald.
EXCESSIVE CAUTION.
Mother (horrifed) What did you lie
that young Snipkins kiss you for?
Daughter (meekly)-For only two min
utes, mamma, and then | told him it wa
time to stop Detroit Free Press.
SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT.
Ethel-Miss Wabash is quite aristo
cratic, isn't she?
Maud-No, but her complexion is quit
highly toned.
GENUINE ADMIRATION.
Miss Yellowleaf- older one gets
the proverb says, the more one knows.
Miss Freshleaf-What an immens,
amount you must know Miss Yellowleaf
COMMON SENSE ANSWER.
Teacher-What sort of q sign was i
that the "stiff necked generation" wer,
seeking for?
Pupil-If they had stiff necks they
were probably looking for drug stor,
sign.
RESULT OF HOTEL BILLS.
She-The days are growing shorter
now, aren't they?
He-Yes, and so am IL [Munsey.
WILL FARE WELL NOW.
Jake (after quarrel D-Miss Bellows
farewell.
Cora-Thanks! / think I'll have a
chance to fare well after getting rid OF
you.
TRUE BILL.
The man can whistle, quoth uncle John,
Who knows not poverty's ill,
But he's not so blithe when his money is
gone
And his creditors send their bills.
When the pocket is empty the heart is
sad,
And burden is on the mind,
And it isn't easy to whistle, my lad,
When you cannot raise the wind.
II Boston Courier.
A DANGEROUS PLACE.
Hear about Chappie?"
| "No"