Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-06-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

An old stlck-in- the .mud-An anchor. u
1t is peculiar that when man is full
he has vacant look.
There is very little security in light
ming bolt.-LoaceU Courier.
Some men can't stand suspense" as
the philosopher said when he witnessed
the hanging Columbus Post.
The man that has ''gone to grass" finds
that he has to keep off of it when he has
got to the public parks.-Puck.
A Chicago man has just had coat-of-
arms fixed up with the motto, "All
things come to him who hustles."
"Hello, said the citizen, as he watched
cloud of dust arising, "I see real es-
tate is going up again. y Washington
Post.
That was an ingenious disciple of Isaak
Walton who Gshed for electric eels with
a lightning rod.-Boston Commercial B,ll-
letin.
1t is all right to hawk spring chickens
about the streets, but it isn't to hawk
them about barnyard. Washington
Star.
Sharp "Renthaus is going to move
again." Flat-"How do you know"
Sharp-"He's using up the back steps
for kindling. PUCK
A man in North Carolina has horse 40
years old, and he is doing all he can to
smooth the animals pathway to the glue
factory Terns !Siftinos.
Freshly-''The moon is just comfort
ably full now" Old Soak with the
knowledge of experience) sit will
soon be reduced to its last quarter"
Sunday School Teacher" When
your father and mother forsake you, who
will take you upa" Small Boy: "The
perlice, slr."-Haroard Lampoon.
Beggar-.I was once soldier, sir T"
Veteran-"You were, eh9 I'll prove it.
Attention! Eyes right now, what Is
next9" Beggar-'tPresent arms. ."-Ne,o
York Herald.
Things One Would Rather: Algernou
(who is much given to talking in phrases)
-"Angelina, l love you with a fer.
vor-a fervor worthy of better cause?"
-Harcard Lampoon.
Mr.. Rasticus-"NIiss Simper, shall we
promenadea" Miss Simper-'Prome-
nahda With pleasure. Mr.. Rasti-
cus-"Shall we have glass of--er-
lemonahd tirsta"- Chicago Tribune.
"Mercy me !! :" said Miss Passee; 81
sincerely hope they will not pass the law
making day of eight hours" "Why
not 2" ''Just think how rapidly we shall
age Just three times as fast. "--Har-
per's Bazar.
The editor of the Chicago Tribune has
probably run into an umbrella. He
prints this admonition: +" No man should
carry half opened umbrella in crowd.
He should either put up or shut up
Kansas City Star.
Old Vickars-"Oh, of course. you
think you know ever so much more than
your father" Young Vickars-"Oh,
no, don't; indeed don't. 1t is, no
doubt, true that your age and experience
more than counterbaance my superior
intellectual ability, pa."-ladianapolis
Journal.
"Well, said a lawyer as he entered his
condemned clients cell, !" good news at
last" "a reprieve ~ eagerly ex-
claimed the prisoner. " No, not a re.
prieve, but your uncle has died and left
you S2500, and now you can meet your
fate with the satisfying feeling that the
noble efforts of your lawyer in your be-
half were not unrewarded' London It'd
Bits.
"Young man." said the stern father,
"do you realize that my daughter is in
the habit of wearing dresses that cost all
the way from $50 to S1002" ~ do"
replied the young man, firmly, land,
sir" he continued. an exultant ring in
his voice, {" it was only the other night
that we took an account of stock and
found that she had enough of them to
last three years ahead. "--CLoak Regiep.