Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1891-09-17
The FAT MANS SOIIIOO,JY
His Size was Against Him and He sus.-sa
Deeply.


His Size was Against Him and He Suffered
Deeply.
mere she goes again, There she
goes can pick up a newspaper, no
matter what Its politics, but I'm bound
" eolhe across an item headed: The
rat NAN Must Co. or The Fat Man in
fly- line, or The Fat Man is a Nui-
sancer
III course I'm fat. I was built that
way. Ia been lean man if | could.
out now could l? l see 'em wiukinp at
each other in the cars as / enter. and
they nudge each other on the streets as
pass; but what can | do about ito
Don you realize that when I hear one
KID whispering to another that the
ureat Eastern has arrived, or that hav-
stacks have taken to walking out for
exercise that my feelings are hurt?
GU all know how it is when l get
INTO street-car? I'll be perfectly
Wiling to pay three fares. but the con-
ductor won't take EN- | fall into n
vacant seat and the woman on nv
right pretends that she is being smoth
ered and has something to saw about
Old Murphy up at the three hundred.
one hasn't got through when the man
at my left crawls out from under the
runs and wants to know why | don't
hlre sand-barge and tug | try to
explain that I'm as innocent as a ca
ary-blrd of any intention to wrong
my fellow-men and women. but they
won't have it. Why, sir, it was only
the other day that l got aboard a
Fourth avenue car on Fourteenth street.
Inc three men who boosted me up the
steps Will always be held in grateful
remem brance. Also the conductor.
who helped me to turn sideways to get
into the door. There were two pas
sengers on one side and only one on
the other, and yet, sir, simply to hurt
my sensitive feelings, the one paSsen-
ger rose up and motioned to me, and
said:
Have seat, sir-have a seat. I'm
just going to get off here
Il am always Subscrib bling to newspa-
pers to help 'em buy ink and rollers
and pay off their hands Saturday night.
and | never meet an an editor that |
don't offer to write something to help
him to fill up with. but how am 1
treated in return-yes, sir, .how? Why,
winter has no sooner arrived than they
headed: The Fat Man on Ice" I'm
made to strike slippery spot in cross
ing City Hall park and | claw the air
hat falls off-heels go up-Indian
whoop, and down come kerswash and
crack the asphalt for fifteen feet around
Summer is hardly here before those
same newspapers fish up and republish
that old yarn entitled: The Fat Man
and the Hammock and I'm held up
to ridicule again as | paw around in
the grass and swallow my collar-button.
Il like to walk over the bridge occa-
slonally, but my feelings have been
hurt until / have given up the idea I
no sooner get to the planking than peo-
pie begin to whisper to each other, and
every body stops to see if the bridge is
going to stand the strain. and the wicked
boys call out that moving vans are eX-
pected to take the roadway. 1t may
tickle somebody, but, egad, sir, that
some body isn't me.
And there's the elevator boy AS if
l couldn't have enough piled on me as
1T is, he takes every opportunity to
make me realize the situation. If |
want to go up he asks all the others to
step out, and if | want to go down he
calmly reminds me that the cables are
tested for only five tons, and that he
will not be responsible for accidents.
I've had him stop between floors and
pretend that he felt the building sink
ing-yes, sir. sinlling-and his sole OBJ
ject was to scare me into walking down
nine flights of stairs,"-M. Quad, in \.
Y, World.