The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1891-08-07
WIT AND RvMoR.

man is well brought up. - reneesS
Statesman.
Saxony imposes tax on cats. This
is something new in the fee line
LoteeR Courier.
Too many silly young couples drive
into matrimony with blind bridal
Washington Star.
DIR. Bridgman has deserted the
Baptists." yes; hes got out OF the
wet at last. Puck.
The telephone girl may be fsiyoless
but everything she says goss.-Onson
County STANDARD.
1t Is when straws are made up into
hats that they show which way the
wind blows.-Lye.
You can't tell how much religion
people have by the size of their family
Bible.-Rdn,'s Horn.
Mr.. McGinty and the oysters are
having a pleasant time together about
now. Washington Star.
A kind husband will eat little of his
Young wife's first bread IL it kills him
outright.-Gaiueston Nsaos.
1t was, perhaps, of the ostrich plume
that the expression lin high feather"
was first used Washington Post
The excuse of every man who does
not mind his own business is that he is
trying to do good.-Atchison Globe.
1t doesn't seem to have occurred to
the essayists in abstract topics that
woman's fear is mouse Washington
Post.
One reason why some people are not
SO wicked as others is because tbey
haven't had so good chance.-Rans's
Horn.
When q man feels that his pores need
opening he will find a little sage tea to
be a wise decoctien. - Binghamton
Leader.
These are Jewels of my own set
ting" quoth the speckled hen, as she
gathered her chickens about her.
Buffalo Enquirer.
Your wife Is in the country on her
vacation is she not7n My vacation.
you mean" answered the man.-in-
dianapolis Journal.
20, yes, there's a skeleton in the
closet In every family, but it is so COM
mon thing that we make no bones OF
it.-Boston Transcript.
Jeanne - Gus takes life easily.
doesn't hep" Jane-'I always sup
posed he did, till be tried to talk me to
death last night. PUCK.
st. Peter-"No, you can't come in"
Shade of Kid-''Aw. say, don't be too
rough on Teller, wuz an Office boy
myself" IN. Y. Herald.
What did the ass say to BALKAN.
Willie?" Come off," why do you
think thatP" Because he knew
BALKAN was onto him."-Puck.
"what do you sell pound of tobac-
CO forPn Cash" was the laconic
answer. How much for a pounde"
aSixteen ounces. Philadelphia Times.
so YOUR husband Is dead. What
did he leave your" Il haven't in
quired. 1 am perfectly satisfied so
long rs he has left me. Life.
Talk about the worldly ignorance OF
girls! Why. they can no a man so
thoroughly in a week that he will want
to 60 and hire Sheriff 10 hang him.
Washington Star. >.<--.-7.t
She-"O. yes! quite believe there's
a fool in every family. 'Don't your"
He-"Well-er-my opinions rather
biased. You see, Tn the only member
of our family."-Jndy. :
Shells it better to have loved and
lost than never to have loved at ALL"
He-''Yes. 1t is better for the florist,
for the jewellers, and sometimes even
for the lawyers. "-Harper's Basar.
"Yes, sir" said the old gentleman to
his son. If you want to make money
study for the legal profession. Don't
forget the old-time motto The laws
and the profits. W Washington Post.
How were things where you came
from?" said one business man to bis
friend. "Well. the general condition
seemed to be long on telescopes and
short on bathing suits. Washington
Star.
Hoffman Howes-"You remember
Jack Eastman. who married Miss
Termagant last year, don't youp He's
dead" Murray Hill--''Out of the fry
ing-pan into the fire. eh?"-KGte Fields
Washington.
"Is there no hope. doctorP" asked
the dying Congressman. No"
Then if must die tell the boys to
place the limit at s. and drink moth
ing but champagne on the funeral
train. "-Epoch. 4.
Whom the Lord loveth he
chasteneth." and it must make him
feel very tired to hear the guilty men
'Hho are justly punished for their sins
lay their punishment to the extreme
love of the Lord.-Atchison Globe.
Citizen-'I hear you are running for
Officer" Candidate-"Yes. a month
ago placed myself in the hands of my
friends" How are you nowr' 4
would like to borrow Is cents to get
dairy lunch. "-BaItimorc american.
We went to the seashore in search Of
health. and when we returned we found
the office closed. The Sheriff was Ia
possession, but he is now occupying
our lot in the cemetery and the paper
comes out as usuai.-Atta,sta CoHstit,s-
ton.
You know SO much, Miss Vassnr,"
said young Pert, that l thought, per-
haps. you could tell me why the sea-
side2n Certainly" she replied. equal
to the emergency; doubtless it was
because the sea was blue. "-Baitimors
american. --so.
Gabriel-"What do you think OF
these religious rows on earth, St.
PeterG" st. Peter-"O, the arguments
on both side are interesting. The
writings Of both parties remind me of
the average Englishman's impressions
| on Amarica pyeE