The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1891-03-22

brethren, we have before us a living witness
and standing monument of the fraity Of
human hopes"
''No person to be buried in this church,
yard except those living in this parish; and
those who wish to be buried are desired to
apply to the parish clerk" was a notice
given by an English parish clerk.
An estimabe clergyman of the Episcopal
Church noticing many Of his congregation
remaining sitting during the singing OF the
lie Deum," and that others would sit down
during IFS progress, they were requested by
him to rise while the "Te Deum" was sung
and to continue rising until its close"
A certain Bishop preached sermon in aid
OF funds in behalf of a sacred edifice which
had fallen into decay, and was reported by
the paper TO have said that he hoped never
again to conduct services in the - old
church again, which should have been re-
ported damp old church.
We are indebted 10 the bar for many
funny plumbers:
Lord Kenyon stands at the head of the
legal fraternity for bulls. He once ad-
dressed a prisoner at the bar who had been
convicted of stealing wine from his masters
cellar in very bombastic style, likening his
crime to the most atrOclOuS man can COM
NIT, and concluded by saying that for many
years he had been 'feathering his nest with
his masters bottles"
Coleridge, in referring to Lord Kenyon's
Incredible ignorance, tells us that in his ad-
dress to the jury in trial for blasphemy he
said: Above all, gentlemen, need l name
you the Emperor Julian. who was so cele-
brated Tor the practice OF every Christian
virtue that he was called Julian the
ApoS tie"
The following was related by the late
Judge Breckenridge of Western Pennsyl-
vanla: u once heard Virginia lawyer OBJ
ject to an expression in one of the acts Of
the a seem blV Of I. ann hin which road
That the State-hOuse yard in the city of
Philadelphia should be surrounded by a
brick wall, anu remain an open inclOsure
forever"
There are on record some very amusing
blunders of the medical fraternity. 1t is re-
lated that during land speculation in Chi
cag0 certain old doctor became so inter-
eSted that he was somewhat absent-minded
toward his patients. He omitted the direc-
tions from a prescription, and when re-
minded of his omission replied: Take q
quarter down; balance in one, two and three
years, and ran out 10 meet an engagement
with land operator
a few instances of a more miscellaneous
character may be of interest.
An extract from a late French novel runs
thus: The Countess fell back in deadly
swo0n. When she revived her spirit had
fed"
The following may be found on photo
graphic catalogue issued many years ago;
PatrIck's Cathedral, taken from life
The Tin Trumpet relates an anecdote Of
a reprobate who laid his worthy associate a
wager of guineas that he could not repeat
the Greed. 1t was accepted and his friend
repeated the Lords Prayer. "Confound
YOU" cried the former, who had Imagined
he had been hearing the Creed, 81 had no
idea you had such memory" and he paid
him the . guineas.
COARSE VEINS AN EXEMPTION.
The Selectmen in a Massachusetts, town
exempted a man from military service by
reason of his having very coarse (varis0se)
veins.
A Downeaster purchased a Bible, which
was quite an event in his life and that of his
neiglbors. He Informed his FIR lends of his
purchase, Stating that 'he had got Polly
wog Bible with the Hypocraey in it," 1t
was quite time before his friends decided
that he meant Polyglot containing the
Apoerypba.
Way back in Morse's geography the rising
generation Is Informed that a certain town
contained 400 houses and 1000 inhabitants,
all standing with their gable ends to the
street.
An English laborer once said to his minis
ter: ''Sir, you have often told us of our
fore athers. Now, [ know of Abraham and
lssac and Jacob, but-who was the fourth:"
A widowel wishing his dearly beloved to
be celebrated, wrote her obituary himself.
When he saw it in print he was dsmayed
to find that the printer had set thes word
Chastity" instead of Charity" for which
she was remarkable.
They must have a strange herd Of sheep
IN New Zealand, where settler announced
that he wanted IAN industrious man to
take charge of 5000 sheep who could talk
Spanish" He must have been related TO
the young lady who announced THAT she
could do all kinds of sewing and embroidery
except music" A western lad" reads:
"WaQtp6- nnarUptin for a
tail store partly out Of doors, partly behind
the counters" A contemporary asks what
will be the result when the door is shut.
When one of the sons of the Emperor of
Austria called his brother the greatest ass
in Vienna, the Emperor, who was present
and highly offended at their quarrel, ex-
claimed, You forget that am present"
A member of the British Parliament, in
his address to his constituents, wished he
had window in his bosom that all could
see his heart lie was considerably sur
priSed to find that he had been reported as
saying widow instead Of window
Not long ago some one advertised for
Shetland pony, suitable for child with
long tail and name. nice child was de-
scribed not long ego in a London paper:
Wanted, nurse for an infant between %
and 80, a member OF the Church Oh Eug-
land, and without followers"
An urban chemist advertised In his shop
window, Artificial Eyes. Open all night"
Away down South in front of the Postoffice
in an inland town may have been seen this
legend: Post here letters too late for the
next mail" In picture of the departure
of the Pilgrims from Deltthayen the artist
placed large steamer in the distance, leav-
ing the harbor under full steam. A local
bookseller of this city ordered for Gus
toner "Ellwanger on the Rose" and was
somewhat taken back TO receive "Ellwan-
ger on the Nose, Journal.
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