davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

SERVANTS MANNERS ARE PECULIAR.
able but involuntary abstinence from
food and the sudden hospitality of his
i'll advised hosts wrote what he evil
hently deemed a scathing criticism OF
pertain social aspects of American life,
drew his pay for it and disappeared.
His name was Hamilton Aide.
He says among other things that the
/ ''lOve Of privacy, so prominent feature
in the English character, is unknown
+ here, the privilege of exclusion so rigid
! ly enforced in the walls and fences of
bur gardens, the closed doors of our
withdrawing rooms, on the first floor, is
Iarely enforced here" But it is going
10 be, Mr.. Aide. We are going to be
] more particular in the future. We are
! getting acquainted with your methods,
hnd we shall be more careful in the years
to come.
If your nobility cannot play a fair
game Of cards Of an evening or over
come the pernicious correspondent COM
plant, what may we expect Of one who
Is not noble at all, and who visits in our
country only what is free, and who then
lmagines he is familiar with American
society?
/ do not know Mr.. Aide very well, but
/ 1t has been my misfortune to cross his
plague stricken trail once or twice TO
gnaw at the closely grouped heritage
among the hills where yet Ill fingered
the echo of his bray.
Judging by the sentiment expressed
4 h,~4 no oil 1a
( chicken feather trimmed orbit through
4 which he passed, it viii be money in his
4 pocket if he will not come that way any
t more. If he should, there are intima-
: lions that a good recipe for removing
/ egg stains from wearing apparel viii be
I o great convenience to him on his steamer
. ride home.
Mr.. Aide, whose signature shows that
be neglected to put up his fly screens
until too late in the season, says that
manners among servants of both sexes
are peculiar, as indeed they are in all
the lower orders Of one may be allowed
ouch an expression about Americans)."
Judging from Mr.. Aides familiarity
with American society, the article he
has written should have been entitled,
'Some Aspects of Life Among Ameri-
can Servants" Then this gentle crit
pism of mine would have been unueces-
Sary and Unwritten.
Dinners, he says, "as a rule, in pri-
Vate houses. are less good and less well
Served than | expected to find them"
You will notice great falling off even
from this. Hamilton, if you viii come
back here next season. There will be
very noticeable flavor of pounded glass
In your pie, and every bed quilt in our
broad and beautiful land VIII contain
little checkered sample of your loud and
Sociferous panties pried from the I'M
willing laws of the household dog.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
No T.4ffing Co.

There was such crowd of onlookers
70 oversee the cable car eIcavatlng II
Broadway, near Fulton street, the other
day that a policeman seized young Ian
By the arm and said:
Here, you 20 On about your business
My biznsssi ny biznesss7 exclaimed
the man Il guess you d0n't know me. =
Are vou one If the workmsnY
"No. sir; but I've been hanging around
here every day for the last four weeks %
see how THIS thing was done, aud / don't
propose 70 r.: 20 now. not if know ny
sell. New Yoyk Everiag Wo-ld
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

their tables | did not ask what was COM
ing next or what their victuals cost
them laid down. / am not regarded as
a stickler for social high church or mon
key business when l make formal call
on a monarch or P. P. G. call on roy
atty, but when l cease to pay for the pol
ish that glints and glitters on my bright
young bunions, or fork over my liquor
bills for w. G. T. q. to put up for,
may my right hand cleave to the roof of
my mouth, and an incensed people play
shinney DER my forgotten grave.
Mr.. AIDE did not like the surprise
party" of the rancho out west. He will
like it less the next time he is invited.
Western people are informal, but their
hearts are warm. They are hospitable
to degree that would naturally sur
prise and unman real man for the mo-
ment. 1t would not affect Mr.. Aide es-
pecially, however.
But the west hates to have an honored
guest walk on its wishbone with Mexi-
can spurs. 1t feels hurt and resents it.
have lived nearly all my life in the
full contradiction that any mani do
not refer now to Mr.. Aide-who has
been the guest of the west, and who then
seeks to earn eight dollars and forty-fve
cents by running down his host, is not
only cad and triumphant ass, but he
is unworthy in every possible way on
earth, and totally disappointing except
in the way of stimulation to tardy to-
mato crop.
After being a guest in the American
"parlour" he turns to and seeks to be-
mire and besmirch, by satire and such
things, the furniture and decorations of
his iIlguided hostess, whose error was in
not showing him to the sly and letting
him look over the album.
Possibly may be charged with speak
ing too directly on this subject, but it is
only my own opinion. do not hold the
paper responsible, and if Mr.. Aide does
not like it he may readily reach me by
post
He says we pronounce vase as we do
gaze This is not true. have not pro-
nounced it that way now for over year.
Mr. Aide is too severe on Us He saw
our beautiful scenery whenever the rail-
roads gave him passes, and he was en-
tertained by those who had never seen
that kind of fauna before, and he went
home and tried to make Rudyard Kip
ling of himself. thinking that he was a
critic when it was really colo that allied
him.
He did not like it because our ladies
did not allow him TO see them work.
This was in Difference TO him, for no one
ever saw him work. he says he pre-
sumes that ladies here do secretly work,
but he missed 1.-THE pleasant litter OF en-
ployment.
If he viii come among Us again at
some time IN the future he VIII probably
notice the pleasant litter Of employment,
and he VIII furnish the most Of il himself.
Afterw2rd detected Englishman may
be seen going home with his pancrsas IN
the morning paper.
He did not like our theaters; especially
those, | judge, who did not remember
him at the door. and who did net feel
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

"Some of the dishes are excellent,
but, " he adds, as he dips his trenchant
pen in the bluing bottle at his cozy little
hall bedroom in Whitechapel street,
1.-The prevalent taste for uncooking can
vasback duck generally renders that
admirable bird forbidden fruit to me"
But that is not what renders it "a for
hidden fruit to him at home
The reason he does not keep his fabby
being continually upholstered with cam
vasback duck at home is probably the
same one that prompted him to have his
wine and the blacking of his boots
charged to Mrs. Stanley at San Jose,
Cal, in the spring Of the present year of
our Lord and Of the freedom of the
United States from the rule of Great
Britain the one hundred and fifteenth.
Mr.. Aide accompanied Mrs. Stanley,
Mrs. Tenant and Captain Jephson to
San Jose, where he registered as Mrs.
Stanley and party They stopped at the
Vendome, first class, tip top hotel,
which had preserved blameless reputa-
ton up to that time. Mr.. Aide, the new
Rudyard Kipling, who viii doubtless
lecture here by and by, was asked to
register for the party, which he would
have done if he had ever travelled before.
He few into beastly passion and re-
fused to register or give names of any OF
the party, insisting that 1t was a piece of
American imperunence on the part of
the hotel that he never saw equaled.
He finally told how many rooms they
wanted. to which he added a private
dining room.
Everything was ordered sent to the
dining rooms-wines, canvasback duck,
etc. In the morning the two gentlemen
left early. They paid their OlCn bills.
The clerk took their word for what was
theirs and what was not.
When Mrs. Stanley came to leave she
found of course wine she did not order,
and had to pay for backing the boots
of this keen critic of American manners
and cookery, this able savant of British
cold victuals, this bright young hybrid
whose surprised and delighted third
stomach was tossed across the troubled
deep within the year now only half
gone by.
That is the reason why Mrs. Tenant
afterward spoke so bitterly of her bill at
the Vendome. Her guest had done her
up" as we say here in America, especially
among the lower classes, if one may
speak in that way here. and think one
may if one pays ones bills.
Hamilton suffered most severely in
the west. He found no congenial society
there, all the Englishmen of his stripe
having been hanged on their arrival, or
on most anything else in fact that came
handy in a prairie country where timber
is rare and hard to get hold Of.
He bears down especially hard on Col
orado Springs and Denver, two of the
most delightful cities in the world, for
know, having visited Paris, London and
East Saginaw within the past two years,
paying my hotel bills and either black
ing my own boots or gladly putting up
for it.
| call the attention of every crowned
head in Europe TO the fact that while at
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
Hired Man Time.

An oldish couple, who had come in by
the Erie road, were crossing on Pa
vonia ferryboat yesterday, when the wife
asked her husband about the time Of day.
1t was about o'clock by the right time,
but he looked at his big silver watch and
replied that it was 8.
But they said we'd get there about
g" she protested.
Train might have been late"
cit wasn't quite by the clock in the
depot"
He took out his buIlseye again for
another look, held it up TO his ear 70 see
if it was going, and then suddenly eI-
claimed:
"Oh. pshaw, Tn an hour ahead! I've
had her set for the hired man 70 git up
by and forgot 10 turn 'er back.-New
York Evening World.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

When Jonah created that stir on the ship.
And his comrades concluded they'd hnizh the
trip
Without him. and gave him. as 'tyyere a straight
tip,
which ,heysid In a very brief minute.
And down in the paunch OF the whale ho WA
dropped
So sudden he cracked all tho RIBS when he
stopped.
This speeoh from his labial portals outeropped,
I'm in I'll EIceediagly il H."
But when. with his tenement sorely displeased.
he tore and DO whooped and he yawped and no
sneezed.
TIL he made the cetacean feel 30 diseased
He could 10 longer bear q and grin g.
The fish made a squirt for the shore thereabogL,
And he served on his tenant a writ q get out.
And landing him there did tTiumphantly shout,
''Eh, jonah old boyl you're not In ii'''
Boston Courier.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

tenplated roasting the republic In fu-
ture piece. He says that our comedies
and comic operas are bad and our taste
vitiated. Vigorous horseplay, comic
songs, breakdowns and funny man
satisfy the American" he says, and If
the lonesome managers of the dives who
gave the bright young snoozer passes do
not feel pleased with the above notice
they must be more careful in future re-
garding whom they admit.
He then turns his little dyeing and re-
pairing works on the press. LAS rule
the press" he says, sis utterly indiffer-
ent to the truth or falsehood Of a state
ment," and SO on. Every small town
has its paper price 2td.), and there are
many who read nothing but that paper
every day. Habituating the mind thus
- its morning mess Of nastiness is a
great national misfortune.
That IS true, Hamilton, but it is not
so bad as 70 live in town where the no
bility do things SO nasty that even the
London press dare not print them.
AS Americans, Mr. Aide, we have our
faults. We know it and we are trying
to do better. When the people OF your
country were Of our age they had not
vet begun TO walk on their hind legs
steadily at all. and most Of your titled
people were squealing in tfs branches
Of the outrageous forest.
We know that we are still crude. One
Of our greatest weaknesses consists in
being picked up and "done up by every
imitation man who gets letter Of intro
duction from an English barber and
comes here with an appetite and hat
box 10 brighten the food supply, founder
himself. write a piece and go home. We
have done that a good deal, and We
ought TO know better; but we do not.
We 60 right on doing it, because We de-
sire TO encourage foreign emigration
But il is being overdone. We need =
change
Therefore DO not come again, Mr..
AIDE. for quite awhile. Stay az home
and prepare your affairs SO that YOU may
be ready whenever the tardv sud over
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
How He Dgd It.

Darling" he murmured, "do you re-
member the night l left You six years
ago, vowing that would not look you
in the face again until co-ated myself
worthy? Tonight, my queen, / am "a
rich man. Tell me again that yon do
indeed To- X
Il do, she answered, as she lay back
in his strong arms. Bat tell me, dear,
how you made your fortune
THAT is easily done" hereplied gay
". after | left the house that night
hastily entered cab, but had not driven
a block when the driver fell off the box
in an apoplectic fit"
And them she questioned anxiously.
"And then" he went on, an exultant
ring in his voice, Il took his place.
Life.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

The brusque and fussy i'm
pulse Of these days of false
impression would rate down
aH as worthless because 0He
is unworthy.
AS if there were no notes
in sunbeams!
Or comets among stars
Or cataracts in peaceful
rivers!
Because one remedy pro-
fesses to do what it never
was adapted to do, are all
remedieS worthless?
Because one doctor lets his
patient die, are all humbugS ?
1t requires a fine eye and
a finer brain TO discriminate
to draw the differential line.
They say" that DIR. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery and
DR.. PierCe's Favorite Prescrip-
ton have cured thousands.
They say " for a weak sys-
TEN there's nothing better than
the " Discovery" and that the
/" Favorite Prescription is the
hope Of debilitated, feeble
women who need a restora-
tive tonic and bracing nervine.
And here's the proof -
Try one or both. If they
don't help you, tell the World
Dispensary Medical Associa-
ton so, and you get your
money back again.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
Inclx.

The Delicate Dude-Did you bet at the
WAGES, deah boy?
The Devilish Dude-Of kawse did.
bet Nellie Nesselrode a pair Of gloves
that she couldn't name the winnah out
of bunch of eleven 2-year-olds; and, by
Jove!-do you know, / won?-Life.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
II. Aeu. Of Gr.asn...-

Johnny-Let's play war. III be TIE
Dubs of Wellington and yea can d Ma
polean Bonapzrte
Wi.iie-Thzf suits ne Bonapa-ts
was good deal better general than the
Duke q Wellington
Jobnny-He got licked al the same
Wllls-Thats cause Re had bad luck
Re could down any q an when 4 come
b bein a general Es was a regular
AnsoD-tA@tIs what ks w24:-CEsc&go
Tr.czne.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
A Fiery Difference.

Mrs. Sanctus-I am astonished to
learn that so many OF the congregation
were wearied by Mr.. OverzeaTs dis
course last evening. l thought he was
fred with his subject.
Mr.. Grufly-Indeed. Well, thought
be ought to have been.-BostOn Courier.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

4 professor Of Yale has confessed % n
superstition II consists Of putting on
and taking OF his clothes in a regular
way. The right shoe, the right leg n
his trousers. the Tighs sleeve 70 skirt or
coat, are always put on frat, because Of
q foolish idea that somehow or other
mishaps would follow fayoung the left
shoes, sleeves and legs IN such a way.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

Old Clothes Aan-Heve yoa any Old
clothes that you Tant % get I'd of
Travers-Eo. Have yoa; - Clo;hlsr
ard FurulsneT
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09

Wool-Why do they call these cigars
Henry Clay, wonder?
Van Pelt-Couldn't say, unless it Is be-
cause Henry Clay is dead.-Lake Shore
News
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
Consolation.

Chspleigh-You blamed IDIOT II you
had to shoot that bird on the ground,
why didn't You shoot his head of? Look
at him-just torn to pieces.
Hicks-That birds all right - just
ready for fricassee. --Harper' Weekly.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
WILLIAM NYES OPINION
1T is NICE TO BE A CRITIC LIKE
HAMILTON AIDE.
Because You Can Come to America and
Browse on Canvasback Duck and Such
Things and Then Run Home and
SqueaI.
Copyright, 1891. by Edgar w. Mel

Copyright, 1891, by Edgar w. Nye.I
! Last month another hollow English
man with diaresis over his name, hav-
ing filed himself full of American hospi-
tality and groceries, crossed the moaning
sea, and after having taken the long.
wet trail for home, he sat down and
wrote piece for magazine, which it is
safe to say was in very bad taste. But
we like fair play in America and so it
was read here by several people, The
stray Engishman with dyspepsia, born
no doubt Of former long and unavoid-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1891-08-09
DO YOU

Use S. S. s., when you need a tonic.
Ii you do not, you should. Its the SAT-
The National tribune., 1891-05-28

Honal disabilities WIS examined last July and
furnished ere last testimony to- March. o.. lf my
c.'In iar increase on original disabilities s lowed
should lt not dao from l-S- or IssJ or will BIZ nly
uItr from i-f meet, ,ti NsrIuutiouf - W hen will
hctr nom iHe e'sl'uf dHsIgsr. T. N0Ur claim ZOE
lucTc1~r eu original disability viii date rom YOUR
INST medical examination. Of course tile claim on
new disability, ii allowed will date from 4uuIiaa
uoH first siu such .stbi.itv It viii Is sotns
months We cannot say exactly how many. before
you nyar from fhc claim.
=. IT. Wee Du4Jfurss Wtgh.-I served thrce wears
poo te NrHfy tnd Navy during the war Of Che retaI-
"oh also served three ears iu the Navy before he
w'r Would tine period ul service before t,, war
' aeliciea l"n ,e TIME necessary to reside upon
n5 homestead entry 4Hsirrr. No Service during
tuv rebellion only il deducted from The period ~
Erslr.rf.rc necessary iIi y homestead entry.
r. y. g.. E1flg0r Nr-Syter served 80. month.
du-lug tIe war tud 7gls houorablv di4absrgsd
RE married n 1850, aud died. Boz 1859 1f dse-s, con-
'a".t4 lu tle army, haviug never applied f.r a
pension iiis widow reulrr.ed iu 1870 If size can
prove Yer e'"im can -ilr be peu-Ioued Cor herself
and Cu .Hfeu uD TO lhe date 81 her rru,ffria1 ,ud
can th- children drvw pension for the period be-
tween .Hrlr mother rcfiarrilr aud heir Hrs yI "A
the fg" uf .6' = III -uch woman Is t.ruienta,i can
guardian. duly appointed. draw the pension Tor
Dor, hnd a.~" the ch5drru pension up to lheir Ar
viva. 90 tAe age Of j69 dHstrgr T. Yes 2 Tas
Guardian can ursw the widows pension. but IN
irs+ ice o. also The Guardian OF the children he cam
not draw i.rir pension.
T. g. g. Providence, z IL When a claim Tor
Increase reaches the Board Of Rrv.ow how long 70
., EerTrH.Iy before Che claimant hears from IL
2 W her t.y,.1 for increase hqs been d sI owed
ior two yeGrs. and the claimant can furnish good
proof thai ue IS entitled. TO au increase should 40
phgutou uC made 90 havs the OLD cisiiu roopsnsd,
or shpud 70 new application be fled Anstssr
j.. About six weeks. 2 It j. better 10 Gle a new
Application. lu euhor event Increase. if allowed.
would only date from date of medical examination
-ucWiuZ claimant entitled to such increase bub
the simpler aud better way IS 10 file new applioa-
. ton.
Ssfer1 Subscribers hen a pension ~ allowed
n widow, with s. per month additional for each
minor cHiid, does such additional pension belong
o. Use widow herself IS DO paid ner I'm trust FOR
aHdio the benefit Of the chiidreHf AIstcsr ft ba-
I longs solely aud entirely to the widow. and IL a
part OF her pension.
The National tribune., 1891-05-28

have had weight with him and urged him to
press vigorously al measures Of reform.
z. Hsms of Reform.
/. He set the priests and Ievites in ORDER
Tie stirred them mp 90 duty. l5 is hHmiliatiuR
90 end a laymIu milling the clergy rsuuS-
ing their indifference. aud urging their re-
formation. And iieZekIh was but a youth.
Ia Lame apology Tor tas clergy we recall the
former opposition Of the throne and the uu-
fr,eUtiiuess Of their environments. First Of
all HcZekIlh wanted the priests aud evlres %
be right themselves So he sid: "~tuetfy
now right oil yourselves They were Co
purify themselves from .s-aI deaiencu. con
tFaCtgd during the i11.gtrDU5 times OF AhaZ.
The priests were che SONS OF Levi through Ger
sh0Iu and Aaron while the Iev.tss were the
male offspring Of t1e other sons OF Levi ON
the priest. aud LeviJrs HEc,iiyiue themselves.
see / Ch.. Ij:I2. -; Ey., ID. 10, so. 30 80; 2
Ch., $3.50 ; Inc, 80. - Cor, 3. rs III
2 Hezekidh next required Che priests aud
LevItes % sanctIiy .c.eauseI the temple house
OF God. After years Of Mo,atrous worship.
the temple became unit for acceptable drvo-
tion. We find Ahaz had introduced into cod s.
house idOlltrOus objects, which having no
place there were to be removed instauter. p
HI, I6: i0-13J When worship 20 jehovah
ceased, little regard would be given % the sane
tity of his house. More or Jess Of rubbish
would accumulate. 10 ia shameful that the
temple actually became the deposit Of d.thi-
| ness. (Y.5.)
g. Suggestions
l. Act at once Set osG early in life to be
Christians. ". 81 Notice now " in verse 5.
Young men ought % be prompt and earnest in
Gods service.
,. Eulers should be Christians, and lend
counteuancc and support to religion.
3. Gods houses lcnurcucSl ought 70 be open,
| Kept in repair, be furnished with all utensils
Of worship, be neat and clean.
/ 4. Mothers have much 20 do ia giving d.
rcction 10 the lives Of soma
I .. Earthly prosperity accompanies pjety.
| The reign Of Iezekah was very successful
| from material or worldly point
/ 8. National prosperity depends much on re-
/ ligiOn. Church and State iuterdsreud
I z. There may be utility in lew-ycar resolu-
! ti0Us. (V.3.)
g. Be thorough. lEc.. 9:1O)
/ o. Seek righteousness first. sc. Mt, L 3D.
I 10. The clergy ought never neglect ". ID
\ religious duties. ordinances, worship. etc.
/ IL. Difference should be paid 70 the civil au-
I thOrity in all ways and % any extent not in
I consistent with our duties 10 God. All procla-
nations ought to be heeded. The ruler las a
/ right within certain bounds to say to his sub
/ jcct5, Hear me-" y Pet, @ 10; jude g;
Heb, l3: II; Titus, 3:1.l Honor the King"
/ Il Pet, 2: IL
/ IL. BE admonished by the examples and pun
| ishments Of the evil. tV.6.J
l3. Remember always that God views Us,
and that therefore il We be evil he sees our
acts.
IL. God chooses his ministers, and they
should be loyal to him. (See chosen in v.
/ H.
Is. May it always be in our hearts to cove
nant with God. (Y. TO-
The National tribune., 1891-05-28
WHAT CURED YOU :?

Mr. b. p. McAllister, OF Harrisburg,
Ky, writes: "HaYlng been terrible
sufferer from catarrh, and being now
sound and wei, the question often put
70 me is, what cured you'll" In answer to
this often put question feel it my duty
70 state that swifts Specific IS. s. 81 10
the medicine. / am such a true believer
in theenicacy of SwifFsspecifc IS. sS)
that can honestly and conscientiously
recommend it 70 any one suffering from
catarrh. Have recommended II to
many, and am happy to say that those
whom have induced 10 use 1t can bear
me out in this statement. also believe
that it win cure any case Of catarrh IL
taken according 20 directions"
Book on BLOOD and Skin Diseases Free.
The SWIFT SPECIFIC CO.. Atlanta. Ca.