The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1891-03-06
- nUM0R.

mira Gazette
It is no sign because man is an
''old saltn that he wasn't fresh when he
was n boy. Life,
What is the end OF famep" Well,
nowadays, William. II seems to be TO
write eulogies on soap.
A man asks woman's love before
he marries her; after marriage he de-
mands her gratitude.-AtchiSofl Globe.
We may differ in this world, but
when we get to the cemetery we are
all on dead level. Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
wife-"Did YOU go To prayer-meet-
ing last nightp' Husband-.'Yes.
Wife, How did you come out?"-M
T. Sun.
The fisherman is perpetual Jonah.
He is continually eneountering whales
and getting the worst Of it. ~ Wishing
ton Post.
The office should seek the man; but
it must have more than detectives
instinct 10 pick him out from the
crowd Pack.
A Southern preacher recently ad-
vised his congregation TO be saved in
the nick of time from the Nick of
eternity.
Visitor-.'Who is that crazy foolPn
Hostile is not crazy fool, He is
merely eccentric Vfsitor-"R Rich,
ehpn-Good NetcS.
A man often finds 1t difficult to
break the ice. but the last summer it
didn't take any effort for ice TO break
man. Yonkers Statesman.
If man could live thousand years
he would probably spend the last fifty
fretting over what he might have done
in the previous wasted time.-Rfck.
You were dissatisfied with your
pastor some months agoPn Yes. :"
Has he resigned yet?n No; but the
congregation 49, Yen0tCine'S NctcS
A close observation is likely to lead
TO the conclusion that what the human
mind most Graves is some slight pre-
text for going crazy. Washington Post.
A Boston child, becoming impatient
Mt its mothers delay IN hearing its
evening prayers, exclaimed: Come.
mamma, Dod's a-waitin'.n - LotCcll
Mail.
Amv-sYou have a good heart,
Jack. but ycu haven't much of head. 4"
Jaek-.sO. you should have seen it
when ! got up this morningF'-M y.
Herald.
Teaeher-'Now. can any of the pu-
I pills tell me what is meant by the nave
of the church" Bright Boy-.'The
man who takes up the collection. -
-4nle7'icd.
I He is looking at the odd reflection OF
] his face in glass globe. well, any
! thing more stupid-looking than that
/ never saw in the course of my life.n-
Fltegende Bldtter.
Whangle-'-So Peck is dead. is hef
/ What were the old fellows last wordsPr
/ Jangle-"He didn't have any. His
wife was with him when he died. ~
Boston 1fdUeier.
Husband-sIs this canned chicken
or canned lobster, Ethel?n Wife-..l
don't know, John. The label had been
torn off the can before | opened it,
SoDsercille journal
Some one SAYS that common sense is
4 finer and rarer than genius This is q
mistake. Genius is nothing more than
the apotheosis of common sense
Baltimore american.
20. John. I've lost the diamond out
of my engagement ring" That's al
right so long rs you didn't lose the
ring itself. It's gold, YOU know. -
Philadelphia Times.
You're very late in returning from
church; yon must have had long ser
mon:" 20 yes; Dr. Sixthly gave u:
great discourse on The Evil of Talk.
ing Too Much. .'-Ltfe.
course of true love never runs smooth p
Mabel HIM! Well. don't know.
There's hitch at every marriage. any.
way. Boston lrGcelier.
A number of New York medica
practitioners have organized the ''Phy,
sicians' Medical Club" Each member
should compose some fresh air for the
sick-room. Philadelphia Ledger.
He Cooking dreamily into his cup,
whats this-a miracle?" She Gin.
dignantly) no; that's coffee
and good coffee. tooi' He-''Well
isn't that a miracle?' Pittsburo Chron
tcle.
If woman was rs careful in select
ing a husband TO match her disposition
as she is in selecting dress to mattel
her complexion there would be fewer
unhappy marriages than there are
AtchiSo7s Globe.
Mention is made of a London maj
who won a wager by retaining a seriou
face while noted wag was firing
dozen jokes at him. If the jokes wer,
from Punch the man had walkover
-Teras SJlings.
He Slightly rudolf called be
cause l thought YOU were out" Sh
IsweeuyJ- wen, 10 you huuw
thought was out. too. The maid mus
have mistaken you for some one else.
-Ha'pe7's Ba-dr.
II thought your doctor told yol
you'd be out in a week?" said gen
tleman to a friend. He did and so
was" "Why. man. YOU'RE in be,
xeti'' II know it; but | was out $75
just the same. - Washington Post.
Warden-"WeIl, what would vol
like TO work at while You are hereP
New Arr1vaI-"At my old trade i
you please, sir" Warden-"What i
that?" New Arrival-"rm an Arcti
explorer, sir.-PhitddeipAia Times.
Mr.. Dashley-"S Sorry You could no
come to our little shouse-warming' las
evening" Mr.. Henley Peck-''rn
sorry, too. But we had little house
warming ourselves. In fact, the hous
got too hot to hold me. ."--America.
Can you do something for on
church," asked a Seattle minister of
real-estate man. why, yes, of course
I'm a little short of cash just now. bu
I'll try to take an hour to hear yo
preach next Sunday Seattle ,Jourlaai
Parson Prosy (who has brought tn
architect to see about repairing tn
church, )-"There's a good deal of DIR