Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1891-12-03

Non the Atlantic and Pacific railroad.
"A prospect of soon getting under way
again had revived our spirits and set
our tongues going. After an inter-
cnange OF views on the succession of
the presidency, and several other top
les having been canvassed and ex-
hausted, Prof. ORION introduced the
Plantamour comet
! What would be the effect on the
earth of collision with such a body?''
asked asubstantial-looking gentleman,
with, probably, landowners inter
est in the question.
Smash it to FINDERS" was the opin-
ION OF passenger, who appealed, in
support OF 1t, to one or two personal
experiences on the Erie railroad
And reduce its population to comet
~ose state, chuckled Mr. Fetherbrane
The professor, shocked at this verbal
atroclty, glared CLASSIFY at the speaker
through his spectacles
What is most repugnant," said
the senator we had one among us
what is most repugnant in contemp-
iatlng such a catastrophe, is the
thought that it would leave us with
out posterity to go down to. The
afford to meet death, under ordinary
circumstances, with composure, as
-sured that his fame will live after him.
But to blot out the race, obliterate his
tory and uncreate our planet-the idea
Is lntolerable, sir, and I protest against
1t! But 1 beg pardon, professor, we
We're waiting to hear your views
The professors views were far too
numerous to mention. Comets, it was
agreed by the learned, might be solid,
or they might be gaseous. They might
be running on time, or they might not
They might collide with other heaven
ly bodies, or steer clear. If solid, in
case of collision with our globe, it
would be a simple question of strength
of materials which would get the worst
d of it. If gaseous, probably no harm
would be done-unless, indeed, the gas
proved infiammable and set us ON fire,
or absorbed our caloric and left us to
freeze. 1t was plain the professor,
like many other scientific Bunsbys,
knew too much to know anything. He
could give you all the theories, but
which was the true one was other peo-
pies business. not his
IF one had reliable private informa-
ton beforehand remarked a Broad
street broker, what a splendid point
might be made by selling short de-
livery to be made the day after the
crash"
Don't you never try that, stranger!"
broke in an old miner just from the
diggings. Don't you never go for to
-resk your money on a comet"
"Why not?" asked the broker.
"Case seed that elephant"
There was a general expression of
curiosity, and the stranger, being in
vited tC explain. proceeded:
I'm the year eighteen hundred and
thirty-odd, was the owner of valua-
BILE track O. land in what is now the
heart of Injinoplis; an eff I'd KEEP it,
I'd aben to-day the richest man in
Injyanny. But that year comet was
advertised to come off on the last day
of July, which was TO set the world
a-fire an wind up the concarn on true
orthydox principles.
''At the fust go off, 1 sot it down as
a partisan lie, got up for political eff
feet. But Elder Spohn, a pious man
and consistent politician, 1 know'd eff
lie backed the comet it must be all right
politically.
Il was beginnin' to feel good deal
iubus, when Bill Jeter came over one
day, with bunch of green oats in his
hand
60. Hey you noticed the oats this sea-