St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-01-27
GLOBE TOWER SHOTS.

The Milwaukee girl alleged to have eloped
to Minneapolis with "a man supposed to be
married." has singularly reversed the usual
order of proceedings in such cases. Gener-
ally girls elope with men who are supposed
not to be married, and find out that their
virgin affections have been subsislIng on
Dead Sea apples. Few tears will be wasted
ON ardent maidens who levant with men
supposed to De married" The woman left
behind commands the sympathies OF the
chivalrous ~
A street car is singular place in which to
90 to have a tooth extracted. Yet such an
occurrence actually took place recently In
st. Paul. 1t happened upon the Seiby Az
enue line.
1.-THE bloke dropped one Of his teeth into
my fist thinking it was a nickel" explained
conductor to his gripman.
He did? The chumpl But remember,
some people didn't happen to be around
when the grand semi-annual drawing of
brains took place.
The subject of these side and personal re-
marks boarded car ''away up the line" So
soon as he had seated himself he discovered
that one of his bicuspids was loose. More
than that it was exceedingly loose and
rambling around in his mouth. In mo-
ment he had taken it from under his tongue,
and the conductor simultaneously holding
out his south paw for coin received the
tooth.
.sRemember,'' exclaimed the passenger,
impressively, shat it is not the value of a
gift that we should look at in this world. but
the spirit in which it is given"
The attention of high tariff advocates is
called to the statement of collector of one
of the Washington ports of entry. He says
that, whereas, vast quantities of opium are
brought directly into the United States from
Canada, to his knowledge not dollar of
duty is received for the same by our govern
ment. The duty is excessive, but no more SO
than is that imposed by the Mckinley bill
upon actual rnecessaries of life. How long
win it be before the necessaries will be
brought in by the same underground rail
way that carries obnoxious luxuries? Nc
Kinley's bill puts high premium on SNUG
Cling.
Republicans in Illinois and Kansas can
only win in the senatorial contests by dis
honest trickery But the Republican leaders
are just now actively engaged in plotting for
that self-same trickery.
If Sockless Simpson should, by any posi-
bility. get there with both feet, it might cause
stampede among the very aesthetic coterie
who have paid hard cash for their seats.
ToIstoi is out with another book, entitled
s.The Fruits of Culture" Having,to his per-
sonal satisfaction, demonstrated the gross
immortality of welded life the Russian lit
erary iconoclast seeks in his latest screed TO
show the utter futility of acquiring the gen
tier graces and accomplishments whichever
in this country, become passports to society
and wellsprings of pleasure i'll the household.
According to Tolstoi the gentleman Is
rogue; the polite villains; the highly edu-
Gated of botn sexes. libertlnes or wantons.
Morality is only to be found among the 1g-
| norant and brutal and hope of salvation ex-
| lists only among tramps and Vagabonds.
! After this ontburst it is expected thatthe
! foreign missionary fund will continue to
| shrink In volume.
| The Republican congressional majority has
| not vet brought to bear its heaviest artillery.
| julius Caesar Burrows is moving around
| with cat-like velyety tread. but julius Caesar
| can, upon occasion, roar louder than all the
| bulls of Bashan.
| Stand back, beware, We Democrats! Upon
your lives stand back!
| For Speaker Reed has sent for one who'll
soon be here, alack!
Behold Behold the great big Mace! Fall
down. We Denis, i'll awe:
| The sergeant of -the-arms is here; he'll make
you come to taw.
Now all the pallor quickly flies from Car
Reeds moon-like face;
He feels that he's protected now. By what?
Why. by the Mace.
| But when the bauble's put away, Kilgore
| and Mills arise,
! And mop the floor with demagogues ana
| nail their subtle lies.