The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-06-08
CUNNING FOR A TAILOR.
Howard Fielding Relates His Misfit
Experience With Mr.. Zswytczs-
lete, Alias Cutter.
Assured That He Had a Figure
That a Greek God Might
Envy. \
That Was Before He Tried on the Product
That Was Before He Tried on the Product
of the Tailor's Cunning See
Him Again.
Written for THE INDEPENDENTLY

l am going out to kill a tailor; and though
Shere is no valid reason why such an act
should get a good man into trouble, / have
thought best to prepare this statement in
advance. They arrest q man for almost
nothing in New York.
These are the facts: I had deferred order
ing new and gorgeous attire until the early
part Of last week because my clothes would
not fit any of my heirs, and the complicated
weather of May made me doubt whether
mere earthly raiment was likely to afford
me any lasting satisfaction. Indeed, owing
to the deficient Intelligence of t~ailors, raj
ment has rarely afforded me any satisfac-
ton at all. l had struggled to forgive.
had even struggled to forgive Gut
ter. OF course his name wasn't really
Gutter; it was something contain
ing seventeen consonants and only
one vowel. 1t was un~pronouuceable
even on the Bowery, where all n%ntionali les
meet and fraterniZe, and fight as cordially
rs if they were all sons of the same soil. 1t
is said that Mr.. Zswycsletc changed his
name because of an accident which re-
moved his brother. This brother went
sailing ON the bay with friend. The friend
was az the helm, and there was n squat APP
preaching. He tried to say: "Zswytczsletc,
let go the peak halyards," but before he
could get through with the name, the squat
struck them, and both were drowned.
Yes, l had tried to forgive Cutter. but it
was no use. have somewhere remarked
that, in my opinion, the only objectionable
Sin is the sin of the bad tailor. 1t lies with
in the power of even our frail natures to
forgive ordinary injuries, Most of them
carry their W punishments with them,
anyhow. If a man steals our money we
bear the loss with Christian tortitude.
knowing that in the ordinary course of
events somebody else will rob the robber.
If another fellow marries our best girl we for
give him while we wait with patience for tho
beginning of divorce proceedings; and if
another fellows best girl marries II, we
TO give her, with the same prospect in view.
But the bad tailor, though he may wear
clothes made by himself, has his sensibili-
ties 30 dulled by his business that he can
look in his own mirror without remorse.
l WAS recommended to Mr.. Cutter by n
man who has since eluded my vigilance.
MIR. Cutter has an idea that by the change
of his name he has overcome race preju-
dice, and he has olinched it by getting "A
YanlS Q salesman. l told him that l had
had much difficulty in getting suited.
ANY man who can't ut your figure" said
this efficient liar. Ought to go out of the
business. Look Mt those shoulders.m
He thumped me several times on the right
oollar-bone, while Mr.. Gutter, who stood by
with "a tnpe measure round his neck nodded
approval. and exclaimed. FLAT as n board,
py crashus!"
II have always had trouble with tho
shoulders of my %coats." said !. "This ono
which l have on was made by Brown d Co,
on Broadway, and it makes mo look badly
slowed. Tho right side of me appears much
>~aAAar than the left, whereas the one they