Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1891-04-07

health, spiritual health-provided you
laugh at the right thing The morning
is iocund The Indian with its owl
mist baptizes the cataract Minnehaha
or Laughing Water You have not kept
your eyes open or your ears alert il
you have not seen the sea smile, ol
heard the forests clap their hands, ol
the orchards i'm blossom week aglee
with redolence. But there is laugh
ter which is deathful, there is laugh
ter which has the rebound of despair
1t is not healthy to giggle about God
or chuckle about eternity, or smirk
about the things of the immortal soul.
You know what caused the accident
years ago on the Hudson River railroad
1t was an intoxicated man who for q
Joke pulled the string of the air brake
and stopped the train at the most dan
gerous point of the journey. But the
lightning train, not knowing there was
any impediment in the way, came
down, crushing out of the mangled vic
tins the immortal souls that went speed
ing instantly to God and judgment. II
was only a joke. He thought it would
be such fun to stop the train. He
stopped it And so infdelity is chiefly
anxious to stop the long train of the
Bible, and the long train Of the churches,
and the long train of Christian inhu.
ences, while coming down upon us are
death, judgment and eternity, coming
a thousand miles a minute, coming with
more force than all the avalanches that
ever slipped from the Alps, coming with
more strength than all the lightning
express trains that ever whistled or
shrieked or thundered across the CONT
nent.
THE LAUGHTER OF FOOLS.
Now, in this jocularity of infdeI
thinkers | cannot join, and propose
TO give you some reasons why cannot
be an infidel, and SO / will try to help
out of this present condition any who
may have been struck with the awful
plague of skeptician.
First, cannot be an infldel because
infidelity has no good substitute for the
consolation it proposes to take away.
You know there are millions of people
who get their chief consolation from
this book. What would you think OF
a crusade of this sort2 Suppose a man
should resolve that he would organize
a conspiracy to destroy all the medi-
cines from all the apothecaries and
from all the hospitals of the earth. The
work is done. The medicines are taken
and they are thrown into the river, or
the lake, or the sea-
A patient wakes up at midnight in a
paroxysm of distress and wants an
anodyne, "Oh," says the nurse, "the
anodynes are all destroyed; we have
no drops to give you, but instead OF
that I'll read you book on the alb
surdites of morphine and on the alb
surdities OF all remedies" But the man
continues to writhe in pain, and the
nurse says: "Tll continue to read you
some discourses on anodynes, the cruel.
ties of anodynes, the indecencies Of
anodynes, the absurdites of anodynes
For your groan I'll give you laugh. F"
Here in the hospital is n patient having
gangrened limb amputated. He says:
"Oh, for etherl oh, for chloroform ~
The doctors say why, they are all
destroyed we don't have any more
chloroform, or ether; but have got
something a great deal better. I'll read
you a pamphlet against James Y. Simp-
son, the discoverer Of chloroform as an
anasthetc, and against Doctors Agnew
and Hamilton and Hosack and
Mott and Harvey and Abernethy."
But" says the man, ~ must have
some anHsthetics. No" say the
doctors, they are all destroyed
but we have got something a
great deal better" what is that p
"Fun." Fun about medicines. Lie
down, all ye patients in Bellevue hos
pital, and stop your groaning; all ye
broken hearted of all the cities, and
quit your crying; we have the cathol-
icon at last Here Is n dose of wit
here is strengthening plaster of sar-
oasm; here is bottle of ribaldry that
you are to keep well shaken up, and
take spoonful of it after each meal,
and II that does not cure you, here is a
solution OF blasphemy in which you
may bathe, and here is a tincture of
derision, Tickle the skeleton of death
with reparteel Make the King OF
Terrors cacllel For all the agonies OF
all tho ages, n joke Millions of people
willing with uplifted hand toward
heaven to affirm that the gospel of
Jesus Christ is full of consolation for
them, and yet intldelity proposes to
take il away giving nothing, abso
lutely nothing, except fun. Is there
any greater height or depth or length
or breadth or immensity OF meanness
in all Gods universal
MISERY or IGNORANT No-FAIrH.
Inndelity is religion of Don't
know" Is there Godl Don't know
Is the soul immortall Don't knowl II
we should meet each other in the fut.
ure world will wo recognize each otherl
Don't know A religion OF "pco't
know" for the religion of II know" n
know in whom | have believed, ~
know that my Redeener liyeth," In
ildelty proposes 10 substitute religion
Of awful negatives for our religion OF
glorious poSitiyes showing right before
us a world OF reunion aud ecstasy and
high companionship aud glorious wor
ship aud stupendous victory; the