Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-03-23
A receiving teller-a gossip.

A gentleman OF coIor-A painter
Coming ND to the scratch-the vaccina-
ator.
A little woman's ffdgets are four times
as big as she is.
An honest man pays up. The other
kind has to pay down.
The man with twins says it is hard
work to hold his own.
Charity covers a multitude of sins, but
most of them kick off the covers.
A mans lot may be hard, but his neigh
bors' hens can make it look fuzzy.
Because a man has silvery laugh it
does not follow that he has Il rich voice
Much as a man admires the truth, he
prefers to have it told about some other
fellow.
Ethel-Does this picture do me justice,
Maud-It does something nObler, dear.
1t shows you mercy.
A fugitive poem is one that has escaped
from its author after it has been doing
time in a scrap book.
The free coinage of silver would be all
right if a hundred cents worth OF silver
were put into every dollar.
A correspondent is in doubt whether
he really has religion or not. He is adj
vised to buy fountain pen.
Bickles is back after six months
STAY in France. Did he learn the French
language? No; all ne did was to forget
English.
Fulldeck-I tell you, Chips. there are
no flies on that girl. Chips (whom she
has rejected)-No, neither are there on
an ice palace.
Hot water is said to be a sure cure for
every complaint, but we never knew
man to feel any better because his wife
kept him in it.
1T was very warm when Sir John
Moore was buried 'How do you KNOW
Because 'phew and short were the
words they said"
Do you take sugar in your coffee? ask
ed Mrs. Small of the star boarder No,
ma'am, replied the latter; but would
like some coffee in it.
Prudent young housekeeper = Now,
auntie, you're sure these chickens are
quite fresh? Auntie = Yessum. jest
Matched dis mawnin.
Faker-Simkins has given up prose, land
is going to devote himself to poetry here
after Wagster-That is to say, he is
going from bad to worse.
Fond mother-John, do you know Ger
tie has arranged little piece for the pi
amor Fond Father-Goodl Peace for thu
piano means peace for all of US.
Did the plumber come down to inspec
the pipes this morning? Yes. What die
he say? He said there was nothing tn
matter, but he could soon remedy that.
Aren't YOU afraid to leave your win
dow open? The mosquitoes will get in.
No fear of that. The mosquitoes here are
too large to come through that window.
1t may be all so that the world is all
feeting show, but the man who begins t.
fear an assessment for an Easter bonnie
will hardly be convinced that it isn't
reality.
A facetious man who has occasion t
send postal cards to a certain small tow
where there is pOstmistress, writes o
the top of the card: Please forward afte
perusal-
There's a gentleman down sairs, ma'an
Mistress Show him up to the parlo
Servant-But he has come to clean I'll
chimbly. Mistress-Then show him u
the chimney.
Ma, can 1 go over to Sallie's house an
clay a little while? asked four-year-ol
Nellie. Yes, dear; l don't mind if yo
DO. Thank you, ma, was the demure r
ply; have been.
Are you gGinS to the Van Twiller
tea on the I6th2" ''Gh. Eos that's one
their general affairs to square account
They give select dinner on the iSt
lsGoins2~ mo; l wasn't invited.
First Yale stadent-Have you telegrap
af to the old man for money? SecoI
Yale student-Yes. Got an answer? We
autographed the old man, where is To
money | wrote for? and his answer reae
jim my inside. pocket,