The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1891-09-14
Don't Monkey with the Snake.

~ 10 ststJeu that ratCeSnake cannot bite III
held up by the tail. Would you like to put the
statement to practical test? Probably not; but
how often do you take far greater risks9 A
snake-bite is not the only means of introducing
poison into the system. If your liver is sluggish
it falls to remove the impurities from the blood
which passes through it, and deadly poisons are
thus thrown irto the circulation, all the more
dangerous because they are insldlous. If your
blood is impure, II your liver is out of order, II
you have blotches pimples, boils or eruptions.
don't monkey with the snakel" Take DR..
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery the only spe-
cifc against all blood-poisons no matter of what
name or nature. 1t is sold under positive guar.
dntee that it will benefit or cure, or your money
will be refunded
LA Dangerous Rival.
"Who is That giddy young thing over there
to whom all those men are paying so much atten-
tion?"
THAT'S the chaperon," shouted a chorus of
girls.-New York Judge.
Ayers Sarsaparilla, highly conc entrated, is the
most economical blood purifier that can be used.
Anxious to Prove Disability.
Recruit was brought up for medical inspection,
and the doctor asked him If he mad any defects.
"Yes, sir; am short sighted"
How DO you prove it?"
Easily enough, doctor. Do you see that nail
yon I1er on The wall9"
"Well I don't"-Lowell Citizen.
Brash and wiry hair is made soft and beautiful
by Halls Hair Remover.
AT the Seaside?
Maud-What are you reading?
Pimmie-A Man Without Country. It's such
apainful storyl
Maud docking drearily up and down the beach)
1t isn't half as painful as country without
man.-Chicago Tribune.
Well preserved women when consulting their
mirror see beside their satisfied reflection the
calm and earnest face of Lydia E. Pinkham. They
can tell you why.
Karline has knitted a pair of stockings for her
friend Wilhelm, who has joined the Imperial
guards, and presents them to him his birl hday,
with the usual congratulations.
harllne," says the happy man, sobbing under
seeR emotlgn yoT are too kind knd-ne nice white
hvep'-lllustrirte Chronk.
Will be found Ian excellent remedy
for sick headache. Carter's Little Liver Pills.
Thousands of letters from people who have used
them prove this fact. Try them.
Overexertion.
Kind Lady-How did you become so lame?
Tramp Overexertion, mum.
Lady-Indeedl In what way?
Tramp-Movin, on every time perlicemen tole
me.-New York Weekly.
II sick headache Is misery, what are
Carters Little Liver Pills if they will positively
cure it? People who have used them speak
frankly of their worth. They are small and easy
to take.
Dorking-Whats the reason you didn't speak
to Boreham when he passed-us?
Brown-He insulted me the other day-called
me frecked idiot.
Dorkng-Called you freckled idiot-how alb.
surd! Why, you are not sfreckledl London Fun.
Baby cried.
Mother sighed,
Doctor prescribed: Castorss
Living illustration.
What splendid library you have! Please
lend me one of your nice booksp'
81 am sorry, but books.wh are borrowed are
never returned. See, every one of these books
has been rowed."-Fliegende Batter.
SASSS ~A~ oeAoAhSJ Aup WIN
Anodyne Ltniment, and then bind In flannel.
Private Executions.
Great Editor-send man to that execution to-
morrow, and tell him to keep it down to two
columns.
City Edltor-No reporters are to be admitted
Great Editor. That's sol Tell him to make 1t
five columns.-New York Weekly.
The prompt use of Ayers Sarsaparilla will In.
variably cure all affections of the kidneys.
whats the news?"
"0ld Schubert has given up smoking"
"How long since?"
"About fortnight. He had gone to inspect a
quarry, and dropped his lighted cigar in a powder
barrel that stood beside him."-HumOristisch
Batter.
IA n a c. 49,