Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1891-12-02
HUMOROUS.

He-Why should you be so angry a,
me for stealing just one little kiss?
She-Any self respecting woman
would be angry with a man who kissed
her just once.-Drsmstic Critic.
A ton of limburger cheese was re-
Gently shipped west from the factory
at Pamela Four Corners. Yet manu-
facturers complain that they are not
making a scent.-Stafford Herald.
Mr.. Waldo (of Boston)-Wiu you
have some of the cheese, Miss Breezy?
Miss Breezy Ga guest from Chicago)
oh. thanks awfully, Mr.. Waldo, |
believe you may pass me a small hunk.
Epoch.
People who say policemen are never
on hand when a fight is going on
SANDER the force. There was prize
fight once and policemen seemed to
manage the show.-New Orleans
Picayune.
Doctor-"Ah, yes; l see you have
lung trouble"
Patient (hOpeless consumptive)-
excuse me, doctor, but il strikes me
that it's no lung trouble. ."-kearney
Enterprise.
One merit of Wagner-"How dio
you like the Wagner operas, Clara?"
81 enjoyed them immensely. The per-
son back of you who always huns an
opera gets left when it comes to Wag-
ner. Chicago Herald.
Fame may be ornamental, but it
isn't much use to the man who has to
hustle seventeen hours out of the
twenty-four for his daily bread, with
pie never any nearer than the horizon.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
A good thing can be carried too far
Boston man who had been told that
he was about to die asked the doctor
for his bill, saying that he did not wish
to depart from his lifelong rule, "'Pay
as you go. o."-Rome Sentinel.
In the Black Maria: Tags-"Wot
makes you sit up so kinder stiff an un-
sociable?" Rags, loftily- ''Why, l
amt no common bloke, amt. Mr..
Vangoulderbilt had me arrested for
beggin' !"-Munsey's Weekly.
A broad hint: Landlord to depart
ing guest 81 trust l may rely upon
your recommending my establish
ment?" Guest-'I don't happen to
have at this moment a mortal enemy
in the world lH-Humoristiche Blaet-
ter.
Glove is blind" Nonsensel JUST
pay a little attention to some other
woman, and the woman who loves you
will see il even if the transaction oc-
Gus ten miles away, with half a hun
dred brick walls Intervening
Transcript.
"Thinketh no Evil."-A lady is be-
ing examined in the police court
Magistrate-"Well, madam, one thing
at least seems to be certain; your hus-
band beat you" Witness (spologetic-
ally)-"Yes, your honor; but then he
always was such an energetic man.
Judge.
She Could Not Accept.-Goslin-
Miss Weehswken will you honor me
with your company to the opera on
Thursday" Miss Weehawken-''rm
sorry, but lot of my friends are to
give me a surprise party that mis- hit, and
I'm expected to stay at home. Mum
sey's Weekly.
st. Peter-Whst is your claim for
recognition and admittance?
Newly Arrived Spirit-In life was
never guilty of confessing to any an
noyance from a woman's high bonnet
in theatre.
st. Peter-Angelic man! Here is
check for front seat.-Pittsburg Bull
letin.
Society: Little Chick-"What dc
you let that ugly little thing come un-
der your wing for?" Old hen (who
has inadvertently hatched a ducks
egg)-'I can't help it, my dear.
We've got 10 put up with the creature
because she belongs to our set, you
know. New York Weekly.
Miss Pretty Gn tears and deep dis.
tress)-Oh, mammal I-went-to-
the-trunk-room-a - what - do
you-think-l-fo-fo-found?
Mrs. Pretty-Tm sure don't know,
dear. Surely the moths haven't been
at your new seal sacque!
Miss Pretty-No, not so ba-ba-
bad as that-but moth was shut up
with my ba-bathing suit, and he ate
it all up.-Life.
Dancing Master (condescendingly)
l presume, Mr.. Oldboy, you never
learned to dance?
Mr.. Oldboy-I was once much given
to the habit, but have cotton over it of
late years.
81 dare say you know little about
our modern dancer?
"For a number Of years l was thor
oughly familiar with an intricate dance
that you couldn't teach, professor"
(Excitedly) Name it, sirl"
''The st. Vitus. Chicago Tribune.
Druggist-''Jsmes, / wish you
would be particularly careful about
your prescriptions this week"
Jqmes-"Yes, sir; I'm always as
careful as possible, SIR"
Druggist-''Be especially particular
not to use arsenic by mistake when
you are putting up quinine pills"
James-s'I trust that my regard for
human life would prevent me making
such stupid blunder"
Druggist-''That's all very well, a,
far as it goes, but see by this morn
ing's paper that arsenic is way up, and
we don't want to waste .n--Amer-
ies.