Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-01-12

A dye-muSeum-a ten-cent barber shop.
A growing sentiment-Business is bust
ness.
The course of true love runs over Il
corduroy road.
An ocuist is a man who can make peo-
pie "Open their eyes"
Faith is the pencil of the soul that pic
lures heavenly things.
young man whose fathers name is
Smith, calls himself Smyth for short.
What are known as trousers in Bos-
ton are called ''panties" in Brooklyn.
One can not make a favorable impress
ion by treading on another mans heels.
Dress may not make the man, but it
makes good foundation to begin on.
Some poetry is like hash. 1t is COM
position mystery that defies investigation.
Purposes, like eggs, unless they be
Matched into action. will run into decay.
A pretty widows weeds will generally
wilt when an irresistible son shines
around her.
With the exception of the mouth, mans
anatomy ceases to grow at about the age
of twenty.
There was recently arrested out West a
tramp named Samuel Tired. He was
porn that way.
There is no boys play about grinding
an axe, as those who have axes to grind
no doubt know.
Ohio has a Licking county, but Della
ware, the home of the whipping post, has
three clicking" counties.
If George Francis Train don't stop get
ting so excited he will never live to see
that two hundreth birthday.
''You and Jones don't seem to be as
thick as you were. Does he owe you any
money! mo. He wants to-
Speaking of drinking, it may be observ-
ed that the man who says he can stake it
or leave it alone" generally takes it,
A man has hard work to make his wife
believe that he doesn't own the earth
when she gets him into bonnet store.
A New York paper says there is consid-
cradle hustle in the dry goods market;
but then, there always is when the ladies
go shopping.
"How old are you, my little MANI" ask
ed a gentleman of little tot that was less
than four years old. I'm not old at ALL
was the child's reply, I'm almost new"
1t must have been this boys little sis
ter who, when older heads were trying to
remember the text, said, II know it, 1t
was Mercy Goodness my cups tipped
over
"My young FRIEND he said solemnly,
''do you ever attend place of Worship"
Eyes, sir; regularly every Sunday night
replied the youth. ''I'm on my way to
see her now"
What is the best way to manage
MANI" asks a feminine correspondent.
The answer to this old conundPum is,
"Don't let the man know you are trying
to manage him."
''What a dreadful bowling the cats are
making tonight, dear" st isn't the
cats, love. It's the young man in the
next fiat practicing his violin solo for the
charity concert"
jenkins examining a pedigree hung in
Snobson's parlor)-So this is your family
tree, is it? And what is that gap in the
middle? Snobson-That, er-well, er-
oh. that is the food"
A little boy not long ago was asked, on
his return from Sunday school, if he re-
membered the Golden Text. ''Yes'm,"
he replied promptly, 5'It's Hold crater
TO Solomon's ear
Goslin-I-aw-woul like to give my
self 20 you-aw-for Christmas present,
Miss Blanche" Blanche Thanks, aw-
fully, but papa has given me house and
lot. So you see / have no use for fiat
What is yous nsHe?'' asked teacher
OF boy. MY names julie, - was the re-
ply. Whereupon the teacher impressive
ly said, ''Yoa should have said, Julius,
sir. And now, my lad" turning to anoth-
er boy, "What Is your nance! Bilious,
sir"
Drawing Teacher-NOw, this is SYM
metrical figure. Can any one tell nae what
symmetry is? All. there is a little boy
with his hand up. What is symmetry,
little boy?7 Jimmy Scanlan-Plaze, sor,
it do be place where they buries dead
paple."
First Boy (gloomily)-I've got to cnt
kindlings, and empty three buckets of
ashes, and build two fires, and go to the
store on an errand, and then I'LL the coal
bin Second Boy, OBVIOUSLY |
got regular picnic, you have! Just think
of met Mother said when came home |
from school to-day, I'd got ter hold the
baby"