davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune., 1891-11-19
RELIEF CORPS NEWS.
Gleanings from National Hcadquar-
terS---NOteS from The Departments
FEAST OF THANKSGIVING.
AN ACCEPTABLE DAY TO THE LORD.
From the Prophet Isaiah, Chapter LVIILl

lfrom TIE Prophet Isaiah, 'haplef Nv III
l. not TO deal thy bread TO the hungry, and that
thou bring The poor that are cast out 10 thy
house, when thou seest The naked. that thou
cover him; and that thou hide not myself from
thine own flesh?
Then shall thy light break forth as the morning,
and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and
thy righteousness shall 20 before thee; the glory Of
The Lord shall be thy rereward.
Then shalt thou cali and the Lord shall answer.
" Here am"
Aud II thou draw out thy soul 10 the hungry,
and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light
rise in obscurity and thy darkness be the noon
day.
And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and
salty thy soul In drought and make fat thy bones
And thou shalt be like wAtered garden, whose
waters fail not.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
The Averare Man.

One Of the most CALLING tyrannies Of
modern life is that of the average
man." Who ever saw the average man?
Is any one acquainted with any one who
ever did? Has any one any reason to be-
ieve that the average man ever existed?
The fact of the matter is that the aver
age man is a myth. He never did and
never will exist He is philosophical
abstraction, a stage property Of the meta
physician, straw man set up to be wor-
shipped or reviled, as the case may be.
Yet people always bow down to him and
talk in whispers about his thoughts, his
moods, his needs and desires. They are
rejoiced when he is supposed to smile,
and are cast down when he frowns.
Statisticians burn the midnight oil in
order to "do sums" about him. States
men give up their lives to his service.
Political economists look solemn as they
take his measure. Physicians explain
how he may keep well, and preachers ad-
just the message of the gospel to his COM
prehension. Yet, of all the nyriads of
men who have ever lived each one differs
more or less from the supposed average
man. Who will deliver the world from
the tyrannical rule of the average man?
Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
Al Enelishm.n CeuIdn't See It.


Little Marshall P. Wilder, the famous
merrymaker, is perennial, and has hu-
morous slit for every hour of the day.
This is one of his latest, illustrative Of
m Englishman's appreciation of humor:
/ have been in England, and have
studied English humor. Its fundamen-
tai principles are not related to the
American article that raises a cyclone of
laughter. An Englishman was dining
at swell hotel out west, and after he
finished his regular dinner he asked for
sweets. A waiter from the Bowery had
gone west for employment, and was
waiting ON the particular table at which
the Englishman sat-
"And phwat is sweets, sur?' asked the
waiter.
The Englishman finally explained that
he meant dessert, pudding, etc.
"We ave apple and mince pie" said
the Bowery man.
''Give me mince pie"
ssWhat's der matter wild der apple
pier asked the waiter in a hard, I-don't-
care-a-continental tone of voice. Many
heard the remark and laughed. An hou1
later I happened to meet the English
man, and he asked me if I heard the
waiter ask him what was the matter
with the apple pie said yes Their
the Englishman naively asked me:
eWell, what was the matter with the
apple pieY' York World.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
That Lovely Narcissus.

Narcisus was a NEUROLOGICAL young
person who had so much beauty that it
waa in the way. He was interrupted
during Office hours by people who want
ed to admire him, and a case went on
record of woman's thinking so much
of him that she would always keep still
until he got clear through talking. AT
last he got good look at himself in a
mirror, and he said he couldn't blame
them. He felt that he was menace to
society, and history says that he drowned
himself. But he didn't.
He went and got a pair of voluminous
trousers, decorated his eye with a large
piece of glass, took the fit out of the
back Of his coat, showed his chin out Of
place with his collar, and went about
his business satisfied that he had restored
their peaces of mind to the feminine
members of his acquaintance. But it
was in vain. And he is obliged to de-
vots Large portions of his time-in fact,
nearly all of ito the search for i'm
provements that will make his garments
effective for their true purpose. In the
meantime he is obliged to go on bother
somely beloved. Washington Post.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
ch,pese IDEAS Ahent God.

A young lady who teaches Sunday
school lessons to two Chinese boys in an
Episcopal church on Fifth avenue. speak
ing of her work, said "My two SONS Of
the Flowery Kingdom can speak but lit
tie English, but really think they have
q good idea Of Christ and his mission on
earth. They seem very apt at learning,
and kneel and stand up at the proper
time during church services. Both of
them wear queues, though, and would
not part from them for any considera-
ton. 1t took me long time to make
them understand that Christ was divine.
They imagined j had reference merely
to his goodness. At first they imagined
he was an idol that had been found over
eighteen hundred years ago at Bethle-
hem, IN Judea, and had been buried,
after being exposed on the cross, and
then stolen and hidden by those who
worshipped the idol. 1t was hard to get
them away from the Joss idea.
"Theyspeak English SO iinperfectly !
think that is drawback to their rapid
advancement One of them asked me if
God was buried in Judea, as well as his
son. When explained that they lived
above the clouds an incredulous look
came upon the boys faces, and one said,
Mclean man hab tings way up.
could not deny that we worshipped a
being far above us, but all around US.
How long did it take me to make them
understand the divinity Of Christ? Well,
nearly four years. They are bright
boys. New York Herald.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
Naatlx Cnurht.

The following is told of a judge before
whom a man was being tried for steal
ing gold watch from woman as she
wasentering bus. The man declared
the watch was his, and the woman was
mistaken in identifying it as hers. Sud
denly the judge asked:
ssWhere's the keyY
The prisoner fumbled in his pockets
andssaid he must have left it at home
The judge asked him if he wound the
watch frequently with the key, and hi
said eyes"
Then key was procured, watch and
key were handed to the prisoner, and ht
was told to wind the watch. He.opened
the case but could not find any place tx
use the key, because the watch was {
keyless one. The sentence was five
years.-London Tit-Bits.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
A Doomed Duet.

Singers who murder" music are usu-
ally considered more guilty than the
music is. The provoked Cincinnati
Judge was not blaming the music, how
ever, when he turned the metaphor the
other way.
His daughter and young gentleman
caller frequently indulge in tuneful vocal
practice over the piano, and when they
get together in the parlor the judge gets
in as remote a part of the house as pos
sible in order to avoid what he terms the
uproar. One evening they had been
even more devoted than usual to their
music, and on the following morning the
judge inquired of his daughter:
'sWhat on earth was all that racket
you and your caller were making in the
parlor last EVENING""
"Why, papa, Sam and were trying a
new duet"
s"Trying new duet, were you? Well,
from what heard should judge that
you found it guilty and inflicted the
heaviest penalty on it."-New York
Times,
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
An Old New Orleans Custom.

If you have plenty time to loaf and OBJ
serve everything that passes before your
gaze you will notice on nearly every post
in the French quarters there are little
hand bills tackled up and bearing the
heading 'sDecede." Beneath this there
is additional printing, all, however, in
French. These are death notices. which
seemed to be used instead of the newspa
pers to announce the invincible hand
They state the hour of the funeral, etc.
and the name of the deceased.
As general thing these notices are
tackled up all over the French section il
an hoor after the person has-died. Ino-
ticed several upon which the printers
ink had scarcely dried, and which an
nounced the demise of some unfortunate
which had taken place only q fcw min
utes before.-New Orleans Cor. Rich
mond Dispatch.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
Clothing Of the Esauimaux.

Clothing for men consists Of knee
breeches, belted at the loins, a loose
fitting cloak trimmed around the bot
tom, and the hood with wolf or wolverine,
or blending Of both, a pair of stockings
and short legged pair of boots with
sealslzin soles. In winter two suits are
worn, the inner suit with the hair next
the body and the outer with the hair
turned out.
The difference between the dress of
men and women is that the latter have
their boots, stockings and pantaloons all
in one garment. The cloaks of all fe-
males have at the back Of the neck a
fullness for carrying infants.
These cloaks come down below the
knees and are gored out at the sides up
TO the hips, making the front look like
an apron.-Exchange.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
WAY OF THE WORLD.

Avn on the bough the fair fruit hung,
Ceressed by the wind and kissed by the sun,
And standing below as 1t swung out Of reach
One lonsed for taste OF Sc luscious q peach.
One juut a. perfect was lying be1ow
Where the ficlrie wind tossed It hours hgts
Ifs tints as dainty, its form as round.
hut nobody cared--for 1t lay on the ground
II is ower the fruit that Is just beyond reach.
Be It fame or honor, or love or peach,
That man longs for the most-why we never
Will know,
Yet he scorns to pick where the fruit grows
low.
Ada e. Field in New York Herald.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11

Many Roman and Greek epicures were
very fond of dogs flesh. Before Chris
tianity was established among the Danes,
on every ninth year ninety-nine dogs
were sacrificed. In Sweden each ninth
day ninety-nine dogs were destroyed.
But later ON dogs were not thought good
enough, and every ninth year ninety
nine human beings were inundated, the
sons Of the reigning tyrant among the
rest, in order that the life of themonarch
might be prolonged.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
The Thoughtful Manager.

Mrs. De Style Gin theatre box)-What
was this placard, ''No Loud Talking"
put in our box for?
Mrs. Forundred (after refection)-I
presume the manager left it here so we
could show it to the people on the stage
when their chatter interrupts our con-
versation- York Weekly.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11

It has been concluded that whatever
preservative is to be applied, the timber
for piles subjected to the action of sea-
worms should first be charred, so as to
kill any germs nearthe surface, open the
pores of the wood for the antiseptic, and
destroy the nutritive matter upon which
the worm lives while beginning its ac-
ton
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11

A Scotch writer gives list of instances
which tend to prove that his countrymen
are willing to suffer great extremity for
learning. He mentions one young man
who, though of fine manners and aristo-
cratic appearance, dined but three times
week, and then upon hot twopAnny
ria
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11

Two miles of silk have been drawn from
the body of a single spider, and yet it is
calculated that twenty-seven large spi-
ders would be required to produce a
pound weight Of the material.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11

Lord Eldon introduced a bill into the
British parliament for restraining the
liberty of the press, and one of the honor
able members moved as an amendment
that all anonymous wSrks should have
the name of the author printed on the
title page.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11

Promiscuous handshalxing in America
has repeatedly served as target for
European cynicism. Yet the handshake,
after all, is the sincerest manifestation
Of courteous good will.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11

Edward Everett Hale, the Boston
preacher, is 70 years old, but few men
are buster. He breaches, edits maga-
zine and weekly newspaper, leads mis-
sions, dips into politics and is also the
president of innumerable societies.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
The Bed Mans disappointment.

inc Heu uAns DISAPPOINTMENT.
"UghI' said the Indian, in disgust.
whats the matter, Swallowtail?
asked the agent.
"Big Injun chase white man four
mile. Want scalp. Catch white man.
Ugh! white man bald. - -Harper's Bazaar.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
RosEBUDl
Our Home Brew +,

Philadelphia Lager fresh from the brewery,
ON draugft in all the principal saloons, de-
Nvered promptly In bottles or kegs: Once
and Brewery, 238 Also street. Telephone 81.
Los Angeles herald., 1891-04-11
Rakarv.

Ebineers bakery and ice cream and dining
paxlor1, cor. Third and s. Spring sts.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
Asbestos.

Asbestos is mineral that crystallizes in
long fbers. The fbers can be separated as
easily as those of our softer woods, and are
woven into variety of articles, which are
worn for protection against fire.
Among these articles are mittens to guard
the hands of firemen, assayers, refiners, and
others who are exposed to burning. As the
material is not affected by heat, the work
men thus protected can grasp hot irons, cru
cibles, and the like without discomfort
Masks for the face are also made of ashes
tos 1t is said that the heat from the hottest
fire can not penetrate through them
to the skin. Air for breathing is sup
piled through tube from beneath the mask,
so that the flame or the burned atmosphere
is not inhaled. In this way the discomfort
of working directly in front of retorts and
furnaces is greatly relieved.
Complete suits of fireproof asbestos cloth
are now made for fremen's wear. As the
material is indestructible and bad conduc-
tor of heat as well, the wearer is protected in
the midst of flames. Ofcourse air for breath
Tag must be supplied through tubes in some
such way rs it is supplied to the diver when
he is under water.
For domestic uses sad iron holders are now
made of asbestos. With them the grasp of
the iron, however hot it may be, never causes
pain or burning. There are also made large
holders, intended for use by smelters, molders,
and workers in metal generally.
II remains to be added that asbestos is
widely distributed among the older rocks of
the United States and Canada. AS goods
made of it are subject to loss only by wear,
the supply of fiber is likely to be equal to all
demand FOR articles OF dress,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
Child and Caterpillar.

1t is very pretty illustration of the eternal
feminine to see little Herzchen, two years old,
over a caterpillar. The child when she
sees the caterpillar on the walk straightens
back her skirts with her two hands, moves
backward quickly couple of steps and
screams at the top of her voice. Nobody
pays any attention to the scream, as it is
recognized as her peculiar way of announc.
ing that she has discovered "yurm."
Having uttered this scream, Herzchen ad.
vances step, puts her hands on her knees,
and looks down earnestly at the caterpillar.
Then she screams again. Then she bends
over closer to the crawling creature. Her
eyes have perceived beauty in it, She sud.
denly reaches forward, picks it up, holds it
on the palm of her hand, and studies curious.
ly the row of bright blue spots down each
its sides and the golden yellow streak along
Its back
Beyond all doubt these caterpillars, when
fully grown, are beautifully robed creatures.
Herzchen brings the worm nearer and nearer
to her eyes, lit almost touches her face,
gloating over it with sort of curious fasci-
nation. Then she lays it carefully down on
the ground, looks at it an instant longer,
utters another scream, piercing, bloodcurd-
ling and runs aWay
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
Why PeOpIe Get Mari led.

Though it is very common to reproach
old bachelors with their celibacy, and 10 pity
old maids as if single blessedness were a mis-
fortune, yet many married people have seen
fit to offer apologies for having entered into
what some profane wag has called the "holy
bands of paddock" One man said he got
married to get house keeper, another to get
rid of bad company.
Many women declare they got married for
the sake of home few acknowledge that
their motive was to get husband. Goethe
averred that he got married in order to be
respectable" John Wilkes said he took q
wife ITO please his friend" Wycherly, who
espoused his housemaid, said he did it to
"spite his relations"
A widow who married second husband
said she wanted somebody to condole with
her for the loss of her first Another, because
she thought wedding would "amuse the
children" Another, 10 get rid OF incessant
importantly from crowd of suitors
Old maids who get married invariably
assure their friends that they thought they
could be "more useful" as wives than as
spinsters Nevertheless Quilp gives it as
his opinion that nine-tentbs of all persons
who marry, whether widows or widowers,
spinsters or bachelors, do so for the sake Of
getting married.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
VARIETIES.

you young scoundrel," said the father,
selling his disobedient son by the neck. "I'll
show you how you ought to treat your
mother" And he gave him several bangs on
the ears, and then shook him till his hair be-
gan to fall out"
you talk great deal in your sleep.
John," said Mrs. Henpeck. "It's the only
chance GET" said John meekly.
-Maude-"This book on health says
young girls who wish to have bright eyes and
rosy cheeks should take tramp through the
woods or fields each morning before break
fast" Kitty-"But suppose you couldn't find
tramp"
Don't call big man liar. Get some
jealous friend to break the news to him gent
ly.
MIR. Toole says the prettiest Sewing
machine" he ever saw was about seventeen
years old, with short sleeves, curly hair and
sensible shoes
Mistress Mary, the dust that's about
is disgraceful. Why, you could write your
name in it p Mary-"No, cudn't num-"
Mistress (angrily) --"But I tell you you could"
Mary-"No cudnt mum, fur can't WRITE"
-George-"Tommy, is your sister inf'
eyes, but you'll have to wait long time,
COS she's sewing button on coat" "Oh,
that won't take long /; I'll wait" 81 wouldn't;
there is man In the coat"
"A girl, who was student at school of
technology, and who happened to be extreme
ly slender, furnished a chemical analysis" of
herself which, after enumerating several arti-
cles of clothing in the style of chemical ingre-
dents. ended with the item: "Of girl,
trace
Snip is smart fellow. Do you know
what he did ?" Why, when he wanted to re.
decorate his tailor shop he covered the walls
with the unpaid bills of customers. They
settled mighty quick"
-Ethel-"Now, how old would you sup
pose me to be ?" Maud-"I shouldn't like to
say"
Think nothing too little; seek for the
Cross in the daily incidents of life, look for
the Cross in everything. Nothing is too
little which relates to mans salvation, nor
is there anything too little in which either
to please God or serve Satan.
"A lawyer recently met his match in a
witness who was giving evidence of about an
old ladys' loss of mind. Lawyer: "Did she
look as | am looking at you now, for in
stance ?" Witness "Well, yes; quite vacant
like"
One evening at friendly dance and
while the company was in the midst of live
" quadrille, young gentleman pulled long
hair plat out of his pocket, and holding il up
exclaimed, Whose is this plait?" At this
Bill the ladies present, by an involuntary inn
pulse, put their hands to the back of their
heads. The dodge had worked. Our wag
had found out what he wanted to know.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
gnetical.
Before the Gate.

BY VIM. DEAN HOWELLS.
They gave the whole long day to idle laughter.
To fitful song and jest,
10 moods OF soberneSs as idle, after,
And silence, just as idle as the rest.
But when at last upon their way returning,
Taciturn late and loath
Through the broad meadow in the sunset burning
They reached the gate, one fine spell hindered
both.
Her heart was troubled with subtle anguish,
Such as but women know
That wait, and lest love speak or speak not, Ian
guish,
And what they rather would they would not so.
Till he said, manlike nothing comprehending
OF all the wondrouS guile
That women won win themselves with, and bend
ing
Eyes of relentless asking on her all the while;
"Ah, if beyond this gate the path united
Our steps as far as death,
And might open it J" His voice affrighted
AT its own daring, faltered through his breath.
Then she, whom both his faith and fear enchanted
Far beyond words TO tell,
Feeling her womanS finest wit had wanted
The art he had that knew to blunder we'll
Shyly drew near a little step, and mocking:
shall we notbe too late
For tea?' she said Pm quite worn out with
walking;
Yes, thanks, your arm. And will you-open the
gate?"
-PsttS6urg Dispatch.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
A Bit of True POliteness.

Some lime ago friend of the writer gave
a dinner to which young man, his wife and
their little child were invited. The child
was very precocious. bashful and intensely
sensitive little one. During the dinner she
upset glass of water upon the table-cloth,
and hastily noticing the looks in her direction,
her little lip quivered and her eyes filled with
tears. At that moment my friend, who gave
the dinner, knocked over his own glass with
crash that drew every eye in his direction.
He laughed over the matter and said it made
no difference, &C., and succeeded in with
drawing the attention from the child, who
soon SMILED again. That consider to have
been the perfection of politeness
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
Out of the Question.

Many pleasantries are written and spoken
about the capriciousness of female servants,
but it is doubtful if, as class, they approach
in captiousness the male domestic servants
employed by the rich. Good male servants
are hard to get, and proportionately hard to
please.
A gentleman had engaged an English valet
de chambre at good wages, and everything
had apparently been satisfactorily arranged,
when the man said:
"Might I ask, sir, if I'm to wear livery,
sir
Eyes"
"And what color will the weskit be, sir ?"
"Red."
COW, indeed Then / cawn't take the
place, sir. Pm much too blond, you know,
for 10 wear red weskit, sir %
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02
arabian Nights a Composite Work.

"The Arabian Nights" is not the work of
any one person. Originally the tales were
related by the story telers of Arabia. They
were afterwards committed to writing by one
or more persons and finally were collected
in the form in which they are now found
The best English translation Is by COL Lane,
who was the best Arabic and Syriac scholar
of his day, and on the recommendation of the
prime minister of England he received pen.
sion from Queen Victoria in recognition of
his services. He was the author of the best
Arabic dictionary for Europeans, and his YER
sion of "The Arabian Nights" has been trans
lated into almost every European language
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-10-02

A Berlin daily tells a story which has
ocsl significance. A young officer in horse
car gave young woman his seat and she
took it without "thank you" The officer
stood on the rear platform. M few blocks
further and the young woman stepped out
from the car The officer saluted and said
something" The young woman hurried
back into the car, but found noue of her pro-
perty. She looking inquiringly at the officer,
who saluted again and said: "Oh, meant
only that you had forgotten to thank me"