The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1891-01-01
Is MARRIAGE A FAILURE!
Some of The Things That Make Life
VTa,haarahie

Some of The Things That Make Lille
Uhbearahle.
as MARRIAGE a faIlure?o inquir d
the newly married editor OF the Sta =
old commereIdl stick.
"That dope bids entirely" replied
the aforesaid commercial man as 4
renewed his chew, and stared va
cantly into th4 CRATE.
''What are the contingencies? ?"
"WelI, if ybu have a good wifi
and she gooIi husband, the partner
ship will likely be a'successi but, II
YOU have a wife and she no husband,
or she a husband, and you no viii,
your domestic affairs are liable 10
grow UNPLEASANT accordingly, al d
your partnership practically a fail
ure."
as that all ?"
DWELL, THERE are other minor cor
tingencies til at mix up along with
the others while, of themselves not
neceszes.'Jv locomotive of unpleasant
ness bAtWatyl man hntE wife hit thr.-
contribute largely toward maxi :
ones neigI1bOrs think there is an aw-
fuI sioht III trouble in ones family
occasionally.
"There is getting up with the baby
at nights ba, esooted and stepping on
tacKs' Ot while feeling for matches
stepping in bowl of cold water, fall
ing oya he cradle or rocking chair.
These affairs are often very eXper-
sive, Sld their near neighbOrs wi /
be Il 81y to swear in any court tn"
they/haVe heard you cuss and alb
your wife in an unmerciful and IL =
gen tlemanlike manner, when a. IA
matter If fact you were merely talk-
ing to yourself while trying to col
Al lar, 81,
Plese little things have been the
bane of human life for several thou
sand years, but these modern time :
have brought on a plague that eclips s
everything under the sun for throw p
ing a man into complete abandon
and bringing on himself everlasting
disgrace, and all through no fault Of
his own. [ refer to these squeaking,
screaming India rubber dolls.
Now, when fellow gets up at
highland steps on one of these things,
the whole suburb at once conclude r
that HI has broken loose in GeOr-
gia' and every window in the vicini-
ty goes up to locate the riot. You
never stepped on snake, did you?
or a kitten? Well, you don't know
ANYTHING about it. When fellow
puts his foot on tack, he knows al
.
full little article that eau be used 10
putting down the next carpet; or if
he happens to chuck his foot into i
bowl of water, he knows precisely
what it is; but whenever be puts his
pedal down on an India rubber doll,
he knnws nothing and imagines
everything. Its scream is like that
of an internal monster, but subsidies
into a deathly silence the moment its
victim makes the grand leap and
sounds the riot alarm. 1t takes just
two days and nights to get over the
fright, and in the meantime the
neighbors predict an early separa-
ton. And that is not all; you will
never hear the last of it from your
wife; you will catch her laughing
about it year afterward. 1 have de-
termined this Christmas to give
everybody's baby in my neighbOr-
hood an India rubber doll and Pm
going to have some fun myself be-
fore long.
Eyes, these things breed trouble,
tell YOU. You are liable any time to
sir down on one of them, ahd you'll
never want to be invited to another
chair"
Takes 100 people to buy DIR. Sage's
Catarrh Remedy, at 30 cents bottle, 10
make up 500. One failure to cure
would take the profit from AGO soles. It's
head beaSeHS and even chronic catarrh, and il
they fail they pay 500 for their over
Not in newspaper words but. in hGrd
cCsh! Think of what confidence II
takes to put that in the papers-and
us makers believe in the remedy
Isn't il worth trial? Isn't any trial
preferable to catarrh?
best. Perhaps they work more slowly,
but they work surely DR.: Pierce fierce
Int @,tiet and mild. They're sugar
coated easy to take n9 S95 T bsIf tbe'
ueranS;e the mild way In which their
WORK WORK is done, Smallest, cheapest cas-
lest to take. One dose. Twenty-Five
cents vial. OF all druggists.
Life: Nov, ma,sni WY ,GW will f yo1 =
.-SSI.-or shaIl I ,eat it for you pr