The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-09-09
He WAS HARD TO PLEASE.
An Epieure's Disagreement With a
Priced Restaurants
Bill Of Fare.
Tho Dazed Waiter Couldn't Fur
nish the Gourmet With Any
of the Articles Wanted.
And Finally Abandoned Aim with Horror
Upon Suggestion of q Teothsome
Dish Of Plebsian Character.

Dish of Plebsian Character.
A man who looked hungry, and with a
air of dignity that i'll comporsed with hi
misft and well-worn gatb. sat down at
table in q high-prioed uptown rcstauran,
says Ed Mott in the New York Sun.
waiter" said he, in the tone and wit
the manner of a man who knew what Wa
what, and was determined to have that an,
nothing else, fetch me a ysnison steak
and have it fat and juicy!'
II bag pardon. STRIP said the waiter, viii
elevated eyebrows.
"Venison steak, l said, fat and juicy"
ooh. SIR said the waiter, 'but the venisol
season hasn't come in yet, SIR"
do you mean that you have no venison?'
Certainly, sir"
''This ID a first-olass restaurant, ant it?'
said the man, looking about him as if h,
was afraid he had got in the wrong place.
"Oh, yes, sir"
"And no venison"
"Not out Of season, sir!'
The hungry looking stranger again
looked at his surroundings apprehensively.
"Well," said he, perhaps you could ac-
commodate mo with half a dozen brook
trout. l want Thorn crisp. but not frizzled
until they are chip dry. Half a dozen will
do"
81 am sorry, SIR said the waiter, with
an apologize shake Of the head, but the
brook trout season has just gone out"
"What!" exclaimed tho stranger. mo
brook trout either?"
"All the fault of the law, sir. We can
give you salmon, SIR"
IF / had wanted salmon I'd have ordered
salmonn exclaimed the man. II do my
own ordering"
The waiter bowed meskly and said moth.
ing. Finally, throwing himself back in his
chair resignedly, the customer said:
'Well, fetch me q quail. Broiled, of
course. On toast. It's funny a fellow can't
get anything but quail in these so-called
TN have to put up with it, I suppose"
{ A och akin TO pain spread over the
walters fscs. He hated to ~disappoint this
fastidious customer, but there was no way
to avoid Il.
've;y sorry, sir." he said again apolopet-
icsliy. Bus it's the law again, sir. We
positively could 10. serve you a quail be-
fore the close season is up, November l. Sir,
but
November exclaimed the customer,
tapping neryensly on the table with his
knife. Great heaven! Does this estab-
lishnent expect me to ait here for four
months waiting for it to broil me a quail?
Tn longer you have to wait for your order
to be served the hiRher-toned the restaurant
is, 1 am aware, but waiting for four months
for one is a little too heightened, it seems
to mel"
n,ho ,r,;&., -;,.5 u,r4ha ,.,,.;G..
that began to gather on his brow and bowed
again. Finally he plucked mp courage to
W 'Woodcock are in season. sir"
t,. well, who denied itT' r~ejoined the
stranger. 81 know that woodcock are in
cock, woodcock, woodcock for two weeks.
! am not asking for information, bat for
something to eat. L. it possible I've got to
fall back on bear meat? 1t looks that way.
But don't fetch me a piece one bit bigger
than my hand. Fetch me just one little
piece OF bear steak, waiter, and have it
we'll done. A piece 10 bigger than my hand,
waiter, with brown gravy"
,Th waiter looked about him YEARLY.
The Precipitation triekled down his face.
He attempted a smile as he turned to his
customer again. but it was a wan and sickly
one.
II am afraid, SIR said he. that 1t is
hardly cold enough yet for bear"
Hardly cold enough" exclaimed the
persistent customer. You don't sup
pose l want cold bear, do you? Your 9
afraid it's not cold enough for bear, Oh?
They're nothing to mo! Got me something
to eat! That's all l ask of you! Do you
mean to say that this establishment can't
serve me any bear meas?"
The waiter, now in q stats of utter COL
lapse, mopped his face and stammeied:
I'm afraid-thRt is-I'm obliged to say,
sir, that bear is not yet on our menu"
he customer bit his lips as if TO suppress
his indignation, and tapped the table still
more nervously with his knife. The waiter
seemed to be on the point Of calling for
help, when the customer said:
You've got bluefish, of course?'
"Oh. yes, sir" replied the waiter, bright
oninR up and gaining strength.
Certainly yon have."' exclaimed the cus-
TONER. And blueflsh are not fit to eat be-
fora October! Positively are not fit to eat
before October!'
lie waiter grew weak in tho knees again
and shed moro Precipitation.
"Anu Ill bet q dollar YOU can fetch me q
Gheepshead?" continued the customer.
Finest IN the market, slr!'' replied the
waiter once more with hope.
Amy man who can eat Il hheepshead after
once seeing the countenance of one would
sat his brotler!n' exclaimed the customer in
a tone Of disgust. "a fish with a set of
teeth like a Dentist sign was never made
to be eaten by man. Pah!''
Hole left the waiter again and he re-
signed himself to his fate. lie wiped away
the rerspiration and waited for the Gus
TONER'S next assault. The customer looked
out of the window awhile and then said:
"Havs you any codfsh?'
Certainly, SIR said the waiter, now en-
tirely himself and tickled to death. How
will you have it? Boiled with oyster sauce
bake. Il Ia naitre--'
"Wel!-ahem!-I think I'll-er-that is-
er-r-r-I want it in balls,'' interrupted the
customer, and he seemed to nave difficulty
i'll making up his mind.
Fish balls!" CAPPED the waiter, aehast
at the thought Of fish balls in that estab-
liEhment.
That's THAT said, y replied the customer.
Goldfish balls"
I'VE never serve fish balls here, sir" ex-
the waiter, and he marched scorn-
fully away. The customer tapped the t able
a moment with his knife and then said:
Il could overlook their not having yeni-
son. and trout, aud quail, and bear, but
when they go broke on goldfish balls l draw
tho line. This restaurant may be way up
IN g, but it it don't keep fish balls it can't
eaten any Of my trade!'
Aud the snatomer walked out and turned
confidently toward a restaurant sign
on sixth avenue.