The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-05-24
Mrs. B. NYE.
Chimney Sweep.

You cannot blame me for thinking at
once of my native land and our own
Bill Nye. Is this merely coincidence,
or are you really English? Why is Mrs.
B. Nye not allowed to print Chimney
Sweep to Her Majesty" Is it possible
that the queen sweeps her own chin
neys, or may it be that the effete mon
archy is jealous of the name of Nye be-
cause borne by an illustrious American,
and hence will not patronize Mrs. B.
Nye? Can it be that Mrs. B. Nye is too
high priced for the queen? But re-
frain. You can see to what the subject
leads, and in your own good time will
relieve my mind of the clouds of mental
SCOT growing oat of the above mo-
mentous subject. Very truly,
J. D. BowERsocK.
P. Slave you been masquerading
as Yankee all these years when, as a
matter Of fact, you belonged to the
bloated aristocracy?
Several letters are waiting a reply in
these columns, and take this opportu-
nifty to answer two of them, requesting
the writers of others to be patient until
lean more fully inform myself regarding
the matters inquired about. 1t is very
difficult to answer important questions
without books Of reference, and to carry
library in a shawl strap while doing
one night business is a nuisance. | shall
answer all queries possible within the
knowledge of man and refer the balance
to Joseph Cook.
Yes, we are Of English descent, al
though it is quite a right smart of
while since. We were influential with
the government there. With the advent
of the Guelph outfit the Nyes took a
long farewell pull at the public teat, and
with a tremendous sigh wiped off their
chins and began a course of persistent
industry at one dollar per day in the
New World in order to reduce their
weight.
Ny ancestors on the left hand side
coming down the family tree were also
purveyors to the royal household, and
one of the earlier kings used to buy
whole Goldfish at a time at our place.
Much of the early English humor which
broke out at that time is now attributed
to the free use of the buckwheat -four
sold to His Royal Whiskers by our folks,
who had place on the road near the
royal ranch.
Our people were given, Of course, to
trade at that time, and one of them was
embalmer to the king, doing all of his
embalming, undertaking and autopsy
work, which in those days amounted to
q good deal | have the journal kept by
this member of the family for two of
his busiest years, and judge that times
~ere good with him.
Its painful now, of course, Mr.. Bower
sock, to recur to those happy times when
we practically did stiff business for the
king and charged our own prices. Ac-
cording to the journal, | find such charges
rs these, which show that the undertake
ing business for many centuries has
been, to all intents and purposes, what
Aristotle characterizes as dead cinch.
June II. His Majesty, DR.. 6 g. d.
To one days time replacing vitals of
man who incurred the royal dis
pleasure by putting sugar and cream
in his consomme at table. ........... s
To autopsy certifying that deceased
came TO his death by.natural causes. 10
To one gallon embalming fluid for
same ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
To hearse and carriages. .,....,,.,.... 50
To axle grease for same................ 6
To six extra whip crackers destroyed
in trying to get home ahead of rival
funeral. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
Total ........................... 8 o
You can readily see that times have
materially changed, when about the only
one of our family now in England is
chimney sweep, and with no draught on
the royal flues at that We feel it keenly,
Mr.. Bowersock, and you cannot wonder
that we are, as family, little soured,
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