Morning journal and courier., 1891-06-13
COMMUNICATIONS.

The Old Sanitarfan Wants an Office.
To the Editor of the JOURNAL AND COURIER:
Our board of health, the plumbers of
New Haven and myself form as fine coll
lection of benevolent Scientists as can be
gathered on this planet. We have decided
that WE want the city to pass an ordinance
relative to plumbing, the essence of
which is that scientific Sanitarian shall
be appointed at liberal salary, to be paid
by the city, and that this Scientist shall
have full power to remodel all existing
plumbing and to direct just how new
plumbing shall be done.
We want this for several reasons. In
the first place we want to advance the cost
of Sanitary Science, with all that is there
by implied. Secondly, we want to put an
end to the precious practice of having
architects direct how plumbing shall be
done. The architects don't like US because,
in slang phrase, we have "got on to them"
We have found out that they are SO ignor-
ant of Sanitary Science that not one
mothers son of them is capable of describ-
ing micro organism not yet detected. In
short, they are ignorant of the habits of
bacteria and therefore incompetent to
fence them out Of our dwellings.
Lastly we are fully convinced that near
| ly every man who builds houses, especial
| ly if he builds to rent or to sell, is a
| scoundrel from Scoundrelville. House
owners are fond of having people get sick
| and die in their houses for the selfish rea-
| son that funeral ut a house attracts q
great many people, In this way the house
| where it occurs is advertised without ex-
pense and thus becomes easier to rent or
to sell than it previously was Therefore
it is necessary to have these public enc
mics put under control of Scientist, who
| will prevent them from building undesira-
BILE houses and then compelling people to
move into them and pay an enormous rent.
At the hearing in the City hall. on this
Scientific ordinance, painful evidence ap-
peared of the criminal Indifference of the
public to Sanitary Science. Excepting the
board of health, not person appeared in
favor of its passage but the Sanitary
plumbers. The latter gentlemen made
some learned addresses about the origin
and pathology of various diseases. Old
Sanitarian as I am, and familiar as 1 am
with the terrible microbes, must confess
that as I contemplated the horrible pic
lures of bacteria delineated by these elo
quent plumbers, I felt the marrow in my
| bones grow cold.
A person in the audience asked eff thi.
benevolent scheme would not create a vas
amount of work for the plumbers" I'm
mediately every plumber sprang to his fee
and, in accents which ought to have car
ried conviction to all, declared that thei,
!. advocacy of the ordinance was prompted
solely by philanthropy and by desire t.
circumvent tha-wily bactiria.
Now, 1 not only want this ordinance t.
pass, but want to be appointed Inspecto
of Plumbing. The fact is my pocketbool
is in very unsanitary condition. It i
not simply the salary that I want, but,
also want chance to get my gentle hand
= on some of the things which railroad con
ductors and porters call "perks." An
this could come about in this way:
8 wicked house owner walks into my San
tary Office and, after bowling very low, say
in humble tones: "One of your Assistan
Scientists has ordered me to, take all th
. plumbing out of my houses and put /
new It will cost five hundred dollars.
there any way to avoid it?"
.Whereupon, with my blandest emile,
would reply: "My dear Sir, this San
= tary ordinance prescribes certain ScieI
~ tific rules which should never be departe
9. from. But, one section of it authorize
d Ne to make exceptions in my discretion
J. I will see about it." The wicked man
!, overcome with this exhibition of cond
Il scension and hastily pulls out his han,
kercheif to wipe his eyes. In doing g.
he accidentally draws out twenty dolli
70 gold piece which, unperceived by hin
u rolls under my chair. Of course, pic
d it up and hand it toward him. Instead
X taking it he says: "Keep it as just T
ward for your Scientific honesty"
B. The Scientific ordinance will take over
70 quarter of million dollars from self,
70 house owners and put in the hands of b
sum is in transit it seems to me that n
as services for the cause Of Science entitle n
-. to fair share of it, If there is any sut
thing as gratitude will get this Office.
will be created to reward patriotism, 81
" if q sanitarian is not yet considered a p
10 triot with big P then my lsbors have be,
in vain. AN OLD SANITARIAN.