The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1891-05-22
VARIETIES.

Newspaper Clerk-"Your advertisement
reads, Wanted, a little girl to mind 8 baby.
Don't you think it would sound better If il
read like this: Wanted, little girl to care
for a babyr" Advertiser-"No. Mind is
the corret word. You don't know that ba.
| by"
There is good deal of fun made about
physicians" said the doctor to his wife; "but
what would people do if there were none ?"
Eyes, indeed" said the wife "what would
they do? They would die without their aid"
The preacher-"Well, Sam, how have
you been getting along since your CONVEX
sion ?" Sam-"O fust rate, sab, fust rate.
Me and de whole family has quit lyin', swear.
in and stealin' in great measure"
Miss Ethel-"1 can't make anything out
of young Virgins, he's so stupid" Miss
Maud-"He has lot in him when you know
him." Miss Ethel-"Has he. Well, then,
I'm sure it's vacant lot"
Wouldn't Raise the Price-Real Estate
Agent-"Look here, Uncle Abe, find that
house and lot you put into my hands to sell
has an encumbrance on it," Uncle Abe
"What dat ?Didn't know dat sure, sab. Well,
nebber mind, fits goter gold mind on it, let
it go at de price,"
-Ifyou are told that you resemble great
man say nothing. 1t may be that the re-
oGLHUlduCG VIII C6dS6 luC YOU ODen
your mouth.
Every heart knoweth its own bitterness.
Many man who looks happy is wearing a
shirt his wife made.
"A noted Sunday-school worker living in
Kansas was once asked to talk to the
children of q Sunday-school on the sub.
ject of temperance. He is very earnest in
the cause, and wears bit of blue ribbon as
badge OF his principles. Rising before the
school, he pointed to bis bit of blue ribbon
and said: snow can any of you children
give me reason why am not a drunkard ?"
There was 10 response for moment. Then
childish voice in the rear of the room piped
out: "Cause this is prohibition town"
"A worthy school-master of a parish
school economical time by f1ogging all the
bad boys on Saturday. On one occasion an
urchin insisted on knowing what he was
whipped for. Because his name was on the
list was the only answer given, but, upon in
vestigation, the master of the rod discovered
that he had picked up the wrong list, and
logged all the good boys of the confirmation
class.
Refined natures cannot always express
themselves truly and gracefully, and attrac-
tive manners are not always the index of
refined character. We must beware how we
judge, and also take care that we discrim-
nate Inc unrenneu nature trying TO assume
the outward graces or refinement is some
thing like a rank or worthless weed with
paper roses pinned on it for deception. The
pretence may succeed at long range of
vision, but little closer view will soon turn
both weed and false flowers into derision.
He was prowling around the depot with
a white-wash brush in his hand and STEP
ladder over his shoulder when man who
had just come in on the train inquired:
"What time OF day is it, uncle ?" The old
man leaned the brush against the fence, and
laid the step-ladder down on the walk. Then
after long search in q ragged pocket, he
produced galvanized old watch that he
shook briskly before putting it to his ear.
Then without looking at its swollen face, he
said: "Irs pas-karter-arter. VIVA don't
yer keep er watch yoseff, an not be gwine
roun' botherin' gemmans / amt no town
clock, nohow."