The Sunday morning news., 1891-12-13
CHRISTMAS is COMING.
And Here is the Best of All Christmas Stories,
Doctor Marlgold.'
BY CHARLES DICKENS.


I'd sooner give it you if you was good
looking enough. Here, missis! chuck
the old man and woman into the cart,
p1t the horse to, and drive 'em away and
bury 'em" =
Such were the last words of Willum
Marigold, my own father, and they were
carried out by him and by his wife, my
own mother, on one and the same day,
as / ought to know, having followed as
mourner.
My father had been lovely one in his
time at the Cheap Jack work, as his dy-
ing observations went to prove. But
top him. don't say it because it's my
self, but because it has been universally
acknowledged by all that has had the
means of comparison. have worked at
it, have measured myself against other
public speakers-members OF parliament,
platforms, pulpits, counsel learned in the
law-and where have found 'em good,
have took a bit of imagination from
'em, and where have found 'em bad, l
have let 'em alone Now I'll tell you
what. / mean to go down into my grave
declaring that of all the callings i'll used
in Great Britain, the Cheap Jack calling
is the worst used. Why Amt we a pro-
fession? Why amt we endowed with
privileges? Why are we forced to take
out hawkers license, when no such
thing is expected of the political hawk
ers? Where's the difference betwixt uss
Except that we are Cheap Jacks and
they are Dear Jacks, don't see any diff
ference but what's in car favor.
For look nerel Say it's eIecuon time.
I am on the footboard of my cart in the
market place on Saturday night. Iput
up general miscellaneous lot. | say:
"Now here, my free and Independent
voters, I'm a going to give you such
chance as you never had in all your born
days, nor yet the days preceding. Now
I'll show you what | am going to do
with you. Here's a pair of razors thatl
shave you closer than the board Of
guardians; here's fatiron worth its
weight in gold; here's a frying pan arti-
fcially favored with essence OF beef
steaks to that degree that you've only
got for the rest of your lives to fry bread
and dripping in it and there you are re-
plete with animal food; here's genuine
chronometer watch, in such solid sill
yer case that you may knock at the door
with it when you come home late from
social meeting, and rouse your wife and
family, and save up your knocker for
the postman, and here's half dozen din
ner plates that you may play the Gym
balls with to charm the baby when it's
fractions. Stop! I'll throw you in an
other article. and I'll give you that, and
it's rolling pin; and if the baby can
only get it we'll into it's mouth when its
teeth is coming and rub the gums once
with it they'll come through double, in
a fit of laughter equal to being tickled.
Stop again! I'll throw you in another
article, because l don't like the looks of
you, for you haven't the appearance of
buyers unless lose by you, and because
I'd rather lose than not take money to-
night, and that's looking glass, in
which you may see how ugly you look
when you don't bidl What do you say
now? Come! Do you say pound? Not
you, for you haven't got it. Do you say
ten shillings? Not you, for you owe
more to the tallyman Well, then, I'll
tell you what I'll do with you. I'll heap
'em all on the footboard of the cart
there they are! razors, hatiron, frying
pan, chronometer watch, dinner plates,
rolling pin and looking glass-take 'em all
away for four shillings, and I'll give you
sixpencc for your troubled" This is me,
the Cheap Jack. But on Monday morn
ing, in the same market place, comes
the Dear Jack on the hustins s-his cart
and what does he say2
''Now my free and independent wot-
ers, am a-going to give you such a
chance Che begins just'like me) las you
never had in all your born days, and
that's the chance of sending myself to
parliament. Now I'll tell you what am
a-going to do for you. Here's the inter-
ests OF this magnificent town promoted
above all the rest of the civilized and un-
civilized earth. Here's your railways
carried, and your neighbors' railways
jockeyed. Here's all your sons in the
postofice. Here's Britannia smiling on
you. Here's the eyes of Europe on you.
Here's universal prosperity for you, re-
pletion of animal food, golden cornfelds,
gladstone homesteads, and rounds of ap-
plause from your own hearts, all in one
lot, and that's myself. Will you take
me MS / stand? You won't? Well, then,
I'll tell you what I'll do with you.
Come now! I'll throw you in anything
you ask for. Therel Church rates,
abolition of church rates, more malt tax,
no malt tax, universal education to the
highest mark, or universal ignorance to
the lowest, total abolition of fogging in
the army ora dozen for every private
once month all round. Wrongs of men
or rights of women-only say which it
shall be, take 'em or leave 'em, and Pm
of your opinion altogether, and the lots
your own on your own terms. There!
You won't take it yet! Well, then, I'll
tell you what I'll do with you. Comel
You are such free and independent wot-
ers, and am so proud of you-you are
such noble and enlightened constitu-
ency, and am so ambitious Of the honor
and dignity of being your member, which
is by far the highest level to which the
wings of the human mind can soar
that I'll tell you what I'll do with you.
I'll throw you in all the public houses in
your magnificent town for nothing.
| Will that content youp It won't? You