Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1891-01-04
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

Customer Huh Catch me buying
carpets that can't be beat What dye
pose keep husban' fur?"
The man who makes a good deal OF
noise about what he is doing seldom does
good work-unless, perchance, he is filing
a cross-cut saw.
Ethel-"Did you get excited at the fire?'
| Chappie- Why, l actually
| went out on the street without Arranging
| my tie."-1funsey's Weekly.
II love. you as 1 love my life.' Then
you don't love me much, for you are con-
tinually risking your life by coming here
where papa might find you"
Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Jones met at our
house this morning to compare babies.
(which was the best?" "Well, when 1
left they were both holding their own"
Mordaunt-"You mustn't eat so much,
Egbert. You will make yourself eick."
Egbert-"Don't care if 1 do. This was the
turkey that killed my pet kitten. Puck.
Philanthropist-"I think you can be
cured so you will not have to use crutches
at ALL" Indignant Cripple-"Do you want
to rob me even of my professional nipple
ments?"
The rose and lilly side by side
We're in bouquet pent;
..Ah ~ the rose exclaimed, you're fair to see"
And the lily said, "Of course, tee hee
But you can't borrow aught from me,
For haven't got scent"
Johnny Eat Lincoln Park whats the
use of your oterin' piece of gum to the
elephants? They won't touch it." Willie
I'LL bet you this little one will. She's
girl elephant"
Photographer-"Your son, the student,
ordered this likeness from me-" at is
a,xxtxv oh H.
paid for it?" mot YETI THAT is still
more like him.
SAT last l have it, said the poor but
honest man who knows it all. Il shall
advertise for pupils, incorporate myself
man to endow me."-Neto York Sun.
DR.. Pillsbury-"Well, Mr.. sceptic, did
you follow my prescription ?'' Sce2tic-
neck" DR.. Pillsbury-"Why, what do
mean?''' Sceptic-"I threw the prescrip-
ton out of the window"
II want to pay this bill" he said to the
hotel clerk. But think you have made
slight error here in my favor. I've been
reading over the extras and 1 cannot find
that you have charged anything for telling
me that you thought it might rain"
Dudely-"What lovely little fingers you
have got, Miss Fanny. They are hardly
larger than baby's fingers" Fanny
Eyes, ma always said that it would hardly
cost anything at all to get an engagement
ring to fit my fingers" -Teras iSJtings.
"You know met you in the postoffice
the other day ?" he queried. Yes" And
you introduced me to friend of yours?"
Yes" well, hadn't known him ten
minutes when he wanted to borrow $40 of
me-" "Of course. That's why intro
duced him p
Mrs. McFadden-" Pm very queer again,
doctor. My cough bothers me SO; I'm
afraid I'm going to die" Genial Medical
Person" Never mind, it's not very diff
cult thing to do. The last year of our life
is much easier than the first. You see,
there's no teething."
Sing hey, the man who knows it all
There's nothing can rejoice
His SOUL unless it forth may call
The music of his voice;
What fearful, crushing grief would come
To fill his life with gall.
Should be some day be stricken dumb
The man who knows it all
Washington Post
my dear child" said the unhappy
father, 'are you aware that You have
rushed into an engagement with young
man who has not even paid tailor's bill
for four years. but he dresses we'll,
papa. And after we are married suppose
he can buy groceries on the same PLAN"
Indianapolis Journal.