The farmers' union., 1891-08-20
HU'MOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

Mnny Odd, Curious, and Laughabl.
II Phases of Human Nature Graphically
= Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists 0
Our Own Fay.
Papa FoiIed.
Maud-Charley and l are the Iuckies,
people. You know, papa doesn't like
Charley, SO to keep him away from tht
house he bought big mastiff that he
turns loose in the yard every night.
Amy-Oh, isn't that dreadful!
Not bit! It's simply lovely"
4 "But I don't
"Whv, You silly darling, Charlie,
owned that dog when it was a puppy
and only sold it six weeks ''-Bos
ton NeWs.
OF Course Not
Mrs. Newma-Oh, / wish YOU coult
see Mrs. Winkler's baby It's perfect
ly lovely. Such q delicate, sweet lit
tie cherub, with the loveliest eyes, tn,
sweetest little mouth, the cunninges
little nose, and eyes of heavenly blue
1t looks as if 1t had just dropped from
heaven and every tiny feature hat
been fashioned bv the angels"
Mr.. Newma-Js it as nice as ou,
baby?
Mrs. Newma-Mercv. no, not half
- Yankee Blade.
Medical Critics.
Mr.. Snoball-"W "Whut l kain't under
stand about desc yere doctors is, whut'
de use oh desc yere post-mf,> tenn 'zam
nations. Whut does yo t'ink oh dem
Erh?"
Mr.. Lilvwhitc-" Pears to me de,
must be fools. Dey might know j
wouldn't be no use to cut pusson IL,
arter he's dead. Dev nebber cure hin
den. Munsey's Weekly.
An Unfad n; Color.
Papa-"I wonder what will be tht
most durable color to paint our house 2
Maude-" Red, papa, red every time.
"Why do YOU think so:"
Look at old Soaker's nose, It neve
fades, but grows rcdder every year. -
Harrisburg Telegram.
Had Never Ee-n Told So Before.
Convict-Excuse me, ma'am; yo,
dropped your handkerchief.
Lady visitor-Thanh you; you ar
very good.
Convict (eagerly)-Say, ma'am, vo,
couldn't manage to persuade tho Gov
nor of that, somehow, could yer p
Somerriile Journal.
Adapted TO the Posit' on.
Jinks-How did it happen tha
O'Reillv was forced to go on the har
Dor police?
Filkins-Thcv thought he'd be use
full in fishing out suicides. You see
he's Cork man.-Ne,r York Herald
At Dinner.
Rev. Prolix-I thought YOU tod me
Mrs. Prolix. that We We're going to hav
fresh eggs for dinner.
Mrs. P.-Thcv were fresh when
told you, but you must remember yo
have given us one of your usual sci
mons shareholders Gazette.
His Usual Practice.
Cleyerton-I am thinking seriousl
of opening an account with fascot, til
furnishcr. Does he mail his bills O
the first, or does he send around col
lector?
Dashawav-He usually sends aroun,
a lawyer.-Cl0thier and Ftrnisher
Timc II Stop Foolin,.
DIR. Gruff Ito fashionable patient
It's merely the same old ailment, M
dear madam.
Mrs. Style-Oh, no, Doctor, rcail
am i'll now.
DR.. Gruff-H'm, If that really
80, I'll have to change the whole cours
OF treatment. Ieslte'S Ul,ts
hatea Newspaper.
FIics.
"Therc are no flies ON me-" said til
boarding house steak.
"No," replied tho boarding hous
butter, "1ics would starvc to deaf
while they were trying to get thei
teeth through YOU"
But look at the flies on you," retort
ed the steak. "Why don't you ru
away from them? Pm sure YOU or
strong enough. Brooklyn Eagle"
His Chief Attraction.
Harry Why did you shave off you
mustache?
Will found my best girl was gel
ting too expensive, and have taken thi
method of having her give mo th
shake. ."-Broohly,s Eagle.
just Like Olc OF the Force.
<seaG .In g
WI a'.AaSf,
z!!}X|f|;;] = s. \ /
Police Well, what has thi
man been doing?
Officer O'Grog-Impersonatin' a
officer. sir Whin I found him sittir
Jlr,,pl ON n bonr- Eop ha coiJ bo ho