Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-12-13
PLEBEANS AT WASHINGTON.
Not a Single New Congressman Has Pants
That Don't Bag at the Knees-Cal.
Brioe's True Demooracy-A Lobbyists
ChamD00ne BiIlR-Litorarv Fame.

That Don't Bag at the Knees-Cal.
Brioe's True Demooracy-A Lobbyists
Champagne BiIls-Literary Fame.
WRITTEN FOR THE DIsPATcH.l
TO the average Pittsburger, who rarely
gets a close look at his country's machinery,
and who from his reading of society columns
and his walks up Fifth avenue, New York,
is apt to form an exaggerated conception of
the importance of wealth and position even
in a Republic, there we're many refreshing
little incidents In the Washington week.
Nothing would be more deeply satisfac-
! tory to the democratic mind than the
spectacle presented in the House on Tues
| day. When the first batch of 20 or 80 Con-
| gressmen stood up IN n semi-circle before
| the Clerk to be sworn in there was not o
man whose trousers did not bag at the
knees. There was little Wheeler, the tiny
cavalry fighter from Alabama, with his wild
beard and fierce eye. Next to him loomed q
huge Southerner of 200 pounds weight, next
pale statesman of strange anatomy in a
gray frock coat, hanging with his right
hand to one breast button, as statesmen do
in statues, and many other types, yet Of
them all not one had a pair of trousers that
settled down comfortably about his boots.
Among all the Representatives not more
than three, by careful count, have trousers
that do not bunch, that is leaving out the
few fat men whose trousers enjoy such a
tremendous slant that the knee cannot
affect them.
1t is said that true democracy should force
statesmen to bag at the knees, yet the law is
1nexoIable. As a man from Kentucky truly
said, Mature takes great pains TO give US
well-turned knees, supplying us with most
marvelously compact joint there. yet we
must endure in ourselves what would horrify
us in a horse. You see the case is hopeless.
You must have endless pairs of trousers and
a 1nan to look after them-which would make
you a dude; or you must have your one or
two pairs regularly ironed, and that would
make you a sort of dude, SO we must bag at
the knees.
Cal. Brice Riding in State.
Almost as gratifying from democratic
point of view as lot of such simple states
men was the spectacle which Senator Brice,
of Ohio, presented as he drove home from the
Capitol on Tuesday The red horse which
dragged him was attached to the rickety car
riage by pieces of rope. The negro gentle
man who drove wore white stove-pipe hat
and an army coat split up the back.
Who could ask for more simplicity. The
fictitious picture OF the great Democratic
President tying his horse to the fence is not
more Inspiring than the true picture of an
American Senator worth millions driven by
his peer in the shape of a negro under a
white hat.
The American Boy as a Page.
"A sad sight at the Capitol was that of
the little pages, as bright lot of American
boys as could we'll be found, ridiculously
overpaid, imbibing false ideas of their own
importance, and in nine cases out of ten,
going to the devil. 1t would be more natu-
raj in this country to have these boys in
school, the work that they do given to men
who need it and the Government money
which each child receives supporting a
whole family of needy American children.
Tammanys Reputation Had Gone Before.
Another sad sight was the Tuesday after
noon countenance of the well-known WASH
ington head waiter who owns 80 game fowl.
This sporting man had read about Tammany
politicians. He understood that not one of
them would sleep without having seen a
cock fight, dog fight or man fight before
turning in. He spent two days whispering
to every man whose top hat was extra shiny
that he thought he could pull off little
main down near the Navy Yard. All the Tam
many men went away, and not one asked to
see the head walters chickens prove their
gameness.
Playing Both Ends Against the Middle.
The happiest among the little men in
Washington was one who has long made it a |
business to work legislative schemes. The |
sad, expensive thing has always been the |
necessity of asking men to drink. Now that |
schemer of great intelligence has got some |
champagne house to make him its |
agent. Think how smoothly his housekeep- |
ing runs now. He orders champagne most |
royalty. The owners of the brand pay for it, |
the influential men who drink 1t remember |
the giver.
Fleeing the Legislative Lambs.
"A case of intelligence not rewarded is
that of the genial swindler who arrived in
and proceeded to collect S., $40 |
or $25 from green members, promising to !
send these lambs clippings from all news
papers which might mention them. He was
sent away by the police, so were endless
other swindlers, confidence men, thimble
riggers and many others who come under
the general scientific heading of hand
shakers.
A Hundred Dollars Worth of Fame
All Washington news stands are Uttered
with copies of that book called "In Office"
with the name "Lewis Vital Bogy" on the
cover, and which cost the author his official
position. Notoriety makes the book sell, in
spite of the fact that it contains only those
ancient anecdotes that have been trave cling
about the offices of Washington correspond.
ents forever. If Mr.. Bogy cares for bitter
reflections he is doubtless having a good
time. He got 300 for the book and lost his
n1oca Tho puhliahera ara said to boua |