The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-01-15
WIT AND. HUMOR.


ferment is often scratched at the polls.
boston Iidreiier.
DO you play poker?n Not now.
have lost even my interest in the
game. Brooklyn Life.
This parrot is worth $500" What
gives it such tremendous valued"
1T can't talk. "-Sparks.
Nooritch- Yes, as Shakespeare says.
my library is Il dukedom." Blunt
land your brain barony.H-Puck.
The Central American republics may
not he very big guns. but every one of
them is a revolyer.-LotoeH Courier.
The Indian war-danccs are good
deal like the ballet variety. 1t takes
men to the front tier. - foakers States
man.
f. Simpson, always pay as l go"
Cora Bellows yawning) Your
creditors have my sympathy. ~ I.
Herald.
He Hello! l wonder where my
hat has gomez She (glancing ut the
clock -..It must have gone home. y
n. \. Sun.
The Indians never harm an idiot.
Why not send out Il regiment of dudes
to suppress the observation-disclosures
apotis journal.
This is a stupid world! l wish
| there was some moral kind OF suicide.
There is. Go into bankruptcy.
Harper'S Bdzar.
Passenger-'.W hich of the fool 9ueS-
tons you hear every day tires you the
most?n Conductor-'Tha one."-
indianapolis Jolrnat.
| Latego-.There is time, dear, for
all things" Miss Tootired (gaping)-
Yes? 1t appears as though 'twould
| never come. ~. Y. Herald
Squeers Lawyer Briefs is very
fond of cats. isn't hep NickIeby-
That's natural-anylhing in the fe-
| line suits lawyer, you know. "-Bos-
ton 7raUetier.
That's right, my boy. I'm glad
| you have thrashed the millcr's son;
but what had he done to you?" He
said | looked like you, father. "-FFie-
| geade Blatter.
Pennealine (gleefully) = My last
| batch of poems to the Hightone Maya
zine has not been returned so far"
Mrs. PIT has probably miscarred."
Good NerS.
Husband-'.My dear. we will have
to begin to economic right Off"
Wife-.'Dear me! What has happen
ed?" Husband-'Cigars have gone
up."-N Y. Weekly.
Wife (waking up suddenly from
sleep)-'' Henry. did you call?" Hus-
band (who had been spending previous
evening with the boys)-'.No; FL
raise it five. "-Mamhattan.
Il have here said the long-haired
disciple of the muse "a poem in blank
verse" ''Hmi / see," remarked the
editor as he read it, ''blankety-blank
verse; Boston Traveller.
His Employer-'I can only say. Mr..
| Jones. you have acted like donkey in
this matter But You mustn't fo--
get, sir, that l acted as your represen-
tative. Philadelphia Times.
The man who knows it all is bad
enough, but Ire isn't a circumstance to
| the man who knew it all beforehand
and who says afterwards that he told
you .-SOnaerUiitc Journal.
Gentleman-'Well. you'll get down
pretty low in the dirt for whisky, won't
you?" Tramp Why, I've seen
man dig down in the dirt twenty feet
for water. "-Detroh Free Press.
First Dude-"That's an awful bad
fitting hat you have on.n Second
Dude-"Yes, but | attended swell
ball last night, and my head isn't built
to fit any and every hat."-1e1as Sitt-
ings.
Mrs. Rentem examining laO-
"Where does this Dassagewav lead
my man?" Janitor Cndignantlv)-
That isn't paSsageway, ma'am;
that's the dining room. Cincinnati
Gazette.
Hoffman Howes-"The world owes
every one living, doesn't it?" Tenn
pie Court-"Of course 1T does" Hoff-
man Howes-"W We'll, collect mine from
it for me and I'll give you half. "-Har-
per's Bazar.
Have you read my poem AT Even
ing?' inquired writer. No; but if
| read it it will be about that time Of
day when will have plenty of time to
60 to bed and rest if feel like it,
Washington Post.
McGall-''Do you exchange unsatis-
factory goods?n Salesman - Yes,
sir" McGall-"Well. here's an over
coat got here last year. and | think |
like your new styles much better. -
Hdrpers Bazar.
Visiting Friend-"How are you COM
| lf1Tr mp IL n ~ Al,
tors have given me up. and now have
struck a way to get well. | will give
up the doctors. I'll get even with
them."-7eras Sytings.
Binks-"I wonder how actors man.
age to get such exalted expressions on
their faces when they're posing for
portraits" Banks-''Thep photographer
places a square meal before them, /
suppose. N y. Herald.
Dealcr-'I am sure. madam. You
could look the city through and not
| lind handsomer carriage than this"
Mrs. dAvnoo-. o, it's handsome
enough, but it looks too comfortable to
be stylish. ~ Y. Weekly.
He is welded to his art" said
Hicks, apropos of Sketehly, the artist.
II on re wrong. He pays too much
attention to his art TO be welded to it.
He is engaged to it," retorted Mrs.
Hicks scornfully.-N Y. Sun.
Dashaway-"Tne other night l went
to an amateur theatrical performance
| and teen went home and had terrible
dream" Ceverton-"What did YOU
dreamP' Dashaway-"I dreamt /
went to it again. N Y. San.
Madam" obserred the actor to the
mother of a yelling infant in the audi
ence, ''when Your child is quite through
applauding will continue to merely
feign insanity. At present the pres
sure is entirely too great! '-Americass
| Grocer.
| De Fleeter-''So your father has
moved 10 the suburbs, eh? Gone to
| Toncville? | have PLAYED mt several