Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1891-02-14
AN INDIANA EXCHANGE.
How Matrimonial Differences Can Be Ar
ranged without Trouble.

How Matrimonial Differences Can Be Ar
ranged without Trouble.
From the New York Tribune.
The great struggle for matrimonial adjust
ment goes on. The latest case of interest is
reported from that home of easy matrimonial
adjustment, the state Of Indiana, and while
not altog, ther a success as yet, will no doubt
end to the satisfaction of those involved.
Frank Helms lives at Williamsburg and
Daniel Smith at Carlos City. They met recently
in the Farmers Home Hotel in Columbus.
They were not acquainted, but in the evening,
after abusing the government for an hour or
so and telling about the hardest winter thew
ever remembered, their conversation drif.ed to
the subject of wives. Each announced, as a
matter Of course. that he was dissatisfied with
his wife. Smiths grievance was that his wife
lacked energy and decision Of character. She
was too meek and mild and not a woman cal
culated to grapple with the stern realities of
life in Indiana and come out victorious. OF
course, Smith admired q woman Of exactly the
opposite temperament
Helms, lis life and get-up-and-get. want her
to have a mind of her own, and q temper of
her own. too, for that matter, and to be able to
bring little stir and pop into q household. 1
admire pop, but there is no pop in my family.
What want is pop with two big P's and a
and said he was not a worshiper of that kind
of woman, though he had one for a wife. What
he admired was mildness and serenity in a
woman. He liked those clinging, helpless,
vine-like women. "But," he said, looking at
Smith closely, If you are hunting for pop you
want my wife. She will bring pop into your
house with oircus-poster letters foot high
She is all pop, and last week she chased a
tramp out Of the yard and hit him with an
old wheelbarrow handle when he jumped over
the garden gate so you could hear the crash a
hundred yards"
Helms carried one Of his arms in sling and
as he nursed it he continued eloquent on the
subject of his wifes great force Of character
She always got up, he said, at O'Clock in the
morning and was master Of the situation till IL
at night. 1t was all a mans life was worth to
track in mud on her kitchen floor. He had
lived with her seventeen years and had never
yet dared to tell her that her cooking was not
so good as his mothers, though that was his
honest opinion. Her cooking looked good. but
it didn't have the taste that his mothers had
When Helms finished Smiths face glowed with
satisfaction. He extended his hand and said:
THAT'S the woman want Let's swap" Helms
took the preferred hand and replied that he
would be only too glad to do so. Smith agreed
to throw in four children and a small farm and
Helms said that he would put in the same
number Of children and house and lot in VIII
iamsburg.
They went out together and hunted up JUS
tice Of the Peace Rush and requested him to
draw up the necessary papers to make every
thing legal and binding. Judge Rush put on
his spectacles and hunted through his library
two hours. Then he laid the book down and
told the disappointed men that the exchange
could not be made. They Withdrew and de-
cided to each apply at the next term Of court
for Q divorce on the ground Of cruel and inhu-
man treatment and then TO marry according to
the FIRST agreement Each has retained law
yer and no doubt the program will be carried
ont. The women are said 70 be also heartily in
favor Of the arrangement.