The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1891-09-25
NOT A CRIME.
The Man He Killed Wasn't Much Use Ia
Anybody Anyhow.

Anybody Anyhow.
"Your honor" said the prosecuting attor
ney In an Alabama backwoods court, accord
Ing to the Arkansas Traveller, 'the prisoner
most exemplary citizens of this country
Andrew ID. Boyson. your honor, was In
every respect model man. He was a be
loved member OF the church, and was never
known to do an unchristian act. Why, your
honor, he was never known to bet on horses,
play poker, drink whisky or use tobacco.
''Hold on minute," the Judge broke In.
"You say he didn't bet on horses~
"That's what say. your honor"
"And he didn't play p0ker"
Never was known to play a game"
and be never drank liquor~
"Never drank drop, your honor"
"And he didn't chew tObaccoW
"Never took chew In bis life."
swell, them" said the judge, leaning back
live for. There wasn't anything In life for
MIN, and don't ace why he aIn't about as
we'll off dead as alive. Release the prisoner,
Mr.. Sheriff, and call the next CASE"
Soreness In body or limbs, promptly re
lieved by Johnson's Anodyne Liniment used
external.-adv.
Extreme Old Age.
"H0w IL your father coming on?" asked
Col. Percy Yerger of darby he used to own
before the war.
"He am dead"
advanced age?"
she did dat, for fac. He was Ibin up
ter de day OBJ bis def."-[Texas Shiftings.
DANA's SARsAPARILLA is guaran-
teed to absolutely cure disease,
and it does it too.
All He Needed.
A gentleman was complaining on 'change
that he had invested large sum of money
IN stocks and lost It.
A spmpathizing friend asked him whether
he had been "bulr' or "bear."
To which he replied, "Neither; I was a
jackass."
No Wonder he Walked.
From the Washington Star.l
''I'm In a dreadful hurry. Maria," he said,
as he bolted his breakfast, "and l haven't
cent of change. Haven't you car ticket"
mo-" she answered, "but you'll find one
In the pocket of my dress upstairs"
And John simply answered that be thought
he'd try to make 1t on foot.
Country Cousin (taking In the sights)-
Wal, III be gosh durned
City Cousin Showing him around) -What
Is u, JOSQ!
Country Cousin fpointng to a basket of
cocoanuts) Jest look at them pertaters with
hair on them.
An Experience Meeting.
Snow, little boys, can you tell me-" said |
teacher, "what the effect of tobacco is on the !
system"
Little Billy, who has wrestled with his first
chew. promptly held up bis hand.
well, Billy. what Is the effect?"
"Makes ye wisht We wuz dead!"
Our New England Grandmothers made |
famous Mince pies. Dougherty's New Eng.
land Condensed Mince Meat contains every.
thing required for such pies. Ready for the
oven In twenty minutes.
A Center Shot.
Snow, Johnny, II six men can do a piece
Of work 10 one day, how long will 1t take one
man to do ?" asked a New York teacher of
4 sharp little boy.
THE school teacher Is blamed fool II be
links can answer that question:" whis-
oered Johnny In low voice to the next boy.
light" replied the pedagogue.
Where Freedom Shines.
Foreigner-This may be free country but
don't see that the freedom has any effect on
he people. Such a patient, subdued lot of bu.
nanity never saw In my life. l should
link free born American would act as il he
were monarch of all he surveyed.
Native-Wa,t until you see passenger car
brakeman who expects soon to be q conduc- |
News.
Arnica & Oil Linment Is equally good
for man and beast. % and so cents per
DOtte.-adv.
Tapley's "Bread Winner" outwears all
other shoes. 3stf