Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-12-31
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Left his sAddress-Needed Finishing
Twas Ever Thus-It DOesn't t
Pay-At the Club, Etc.

Left his Address-Needed Finishing
Twas Ever Thus-It DOesn't t
Pay-At the Club, Etc.
LEFT HIS ADDRESS.
Bank teller-Well, sir.
Tramp (at the window)-Saay, l picked
up part of the paper called the Bankers
Bugle to-day. Saw queer thing in it.
III paper is reliable, en-?
Teller-Perfectly. Its financial news
may always be relied on.
Tramp-Jimmy I'm glad O. that
Say, that paper says money is so easy
borrowers, and merely wish to remark
that when tn hunt begins you'll find me
on seat No. 226 Washington square,
Good News.
NEEDED FINISHING.
Caller-Your daughter is at home now,
is she not? l heard she had graduated at
the Artistic Literary and Scientific Uni
versity.
Hostess-She is not at home. She has
gone to finishing school,
why, what for?"
"Oh, to learn how to enter room, and
sit down, and hold fan, and blush, YOU
know."-lNew York Weekly.
TWAS EVER THUS.
When maiden is vivacious,
Men applaud and call it chick:
But If she's an old back number,
They will whisper: That's no
chick"
Truth.
1T DOESN'T PAY.
Little Daughter-Pm awful sorry we
had our old piano tuned.
Mother-Why so, my dear?
Little daughter Cause when | play
now l can't blame the discords on the
piano."-[Good News.
AT THE CLUB.
Gay Bachelor-Do you think there is
anything in the theory that married men
i've longer than unmarried ones
Henpecked Friend (wearily)-Oh, l
don't know-seems longer.
NOT TO BE RESISTED.
First Damsel-But | thought he said
he would never speak to you again.
Second Damsel-Oh, yes; but he saw
had cold, and he couldn't resist the
temptation to tell me of sure cure.
BENEFIT OF COLLEGE EDUCATION,
Scholasticus Hardup-I am college
student, and want place to work in
your hotel this Summer.
Hotel Proprietor experience OF
qualifications have you?
Scholasticus Hardup-I am the champ
ion boxer and wrestler of my class.
Hotel Proprietor-Ah! then you will
DO very well to whip cream Boston
| Courier.
| MATTER OF DIET.
She (gushingly)-And do you write
poetry? Oh, l could live on it,
He-You could? Well, l can't. !
merely write it. I'm in the wholesale
grocery business.-[Truth.
The church bells have Joyous sound
OF peace and goodwill bringing;
And sleigh-bells, when the moon is
round,
Have music in their ringing;
But, after all, must agree
That maidens are the bellies for me.
-[Judge.
MEMORY FOR LITTLE THINGS.
Bloggs (returning to his native town
do you remember me, Jay?
| Jay-Well, no, | can't recall you
name, but l well remember lending you
five dollars in 1910, which you never
returned. Do you happen to have that
amount with you now?
PHYsIoGNoMIsr.
"Oh," exclaimed Miss Bondclipper,
"what clever man that Mr.. Gilhooley
is! He is really quite physiognomist
was telling him last evening that had
become quite proficient in painting, and
he said:
az am sure of it, madame; your face
shows it,"
Chorus-Indecd,---[Texas Siftings.
REGRETS.
I've scribbled many a tender note,
In language soft and sweet;
I've written many loving verse,
In different kinds of feet.
I've shaken the girl wrote them to,
And oh, it gives me pain
To think of how silly and cheap I'll feel,
When hear them in court again.
II New York Herald.
DANGERS OF PRoCRAsTINATIoN.
Landlady-I s'pose you noticed that
long -whiskered old gentlemen who sat op-
posite you at dinner to-day? That is
Prof Driebones, and you can have his
room, as he is going West on scientific
nynlnrutinn-st -strnnnnst thinn won arnr