The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-05-12
PuNeENT PARAGRAPHS.

1t takes two to gossip. The man
who listens can throw no blame on the
man who tells.-Atchison Globo.
Tho best way to pack trunk is to
sit in On easy chair and watch your wife
do it-Richmond Recorder.
Its somewhat remarkable how so
many crooked men get into Strengthened
circumstances. Washington Post
Peasant Ito his son)-"Say. Hans,
how long will you have to study before
you can wear glasses?"- Flicgende Blat-
tor.
-Scribblcr-"I have just lots of fun
writing my jokes" Friend-"Thont that
explains 1t. l wondered where tho fun
camo in."-Dotroit FREQ Press.
-"I know what the nights of labor
nro," said tho mother of six boys as she
sat down to repair tho pile of trousers
and Jackets
Watts "How is old man Gilfllan?
Is he out of danger yet?" Doctor Bowless
81 don't know. He died this morning."
indianapolis Journal.
Whom person gets into hot water
you may be sure that he has furnished
his share Of the fuel to heat tho same.
boston Transcript.
An agnostic is man who does not
know any thing, and glories in the fact.
The atheist is smart man who re-
ioices in making a fool of himself
Boston Traveller
Not Wholly Bad.-"Is your son one
of those noisy, dissipated college boys?"
mot exactly. He is what you might
call the cub that cheers, but not in
ebriates. IN. Y. Sun
There are two things needed in
these days: First, for rich mon to find
out how poor mon live, and second, for
POOR men to know how rich men work.
Edward Atkinson.
well" said Brown to his newly
married friend, $50 your wife docs the
cooking. l wonder you are alive to tell
the tale" Yes" replied the other,
"but am alive-alivc and kicking"-
lid Bits.
Why is it that it is so much easier
for other people to say mean things
about man than it is to make pleas
ant comment? You yourself, you know,
never say any thing but pleasant things
about anybody -Somerville journal.
Mr.. Quilp says that the popular
game known rs carbohydrates" must
have been invented as n safe alternative
for persons unable to stand the mental
strain of prolonged indulgence in the
Idiots Delight. Buffalo Commercial.
Tho Almanac Said So. = Doctor =
GLOW do you know that your kidneys
are deranged, and you have consump-
ton and heart disease?" Patient-"Be-
cine almanac. Yankee BLADE.
-Dapper-'What is the greatest lie,
Snapper, that ever impressed itself on
your experience" well, by
all odds. the worst lie I ever heard was
the one your quartet perpctrated last
night when they came around to the
house and sang There's Music in tho
Air. '"-Boston Courier.
-Jenks-''Shall you go to the opera
this season as usual, Miss Helen?"
lielen-"We don't know yet Ethel and
| want to go very much, but cur brother
George is on his college football team,
and We can't tell yet whether we shall
DO in mourning this year or not. "-Har-
per's Weekly.
Ills Ideas Not Wanted. Great Edi-
tor-"You want to be a journalist, Mr..
Deake? What are your qualifications"
Mr. Deake with pardonable pride)-"I
was graduated from Harvard, and took
a postgraduate course at Yale" Great
Editor-"Um, yes; both good colleges
athletically; you must have good pair
OF legs Suppose you start in collecting
bicycle notes for our Connecticut edi-
tion."-The Epoch.