Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-09-10
A BIT OF PHILOSOPHY,


With all their big parade.
Little bits of stinginess-
Discarding printers ink
"Busts" the man of business,
And sees his credit sink.
SARCASM.
Kind Hearted Party-You look i'll, my
friend; what distresses you?
Rayenous Rafferty-Me food; | had
chicken salad an ice cream fer breakfast.
-[Drake's Magazine.
HER PRICE.
Husband-When the tailor comes for
that suit of mine to be mended, | want
you to let him have it.
Wife-But should think you would
let me mend them. 1t is so much
cheaper.
Husband-No, it isn't. The last time
you mended my clothes it cost me $50
for new dress for you.-[Clothier and
Furnisher.
CoNsIDERATE OFFICIAL.
A stranger on the platform of New
York elevated road was leaning out,
looking for the approaching train, when
the man who turns the crank of the ticket
box called out:
''Hello, there! You'll tumble down
into the street, and then there will be
another internal fuss in the papers about
it.'-lTexas Siftings.
TOO sLANGY.
Simmons-You seem at outs with Miss
Figg.
Timmons-Yes; on account of her dis
gusting addiction to slang.
"Slang?"
$50 said. You see, | asked her to
marry me, and she said Rats ~ Indian
apolis Journal.
AGE MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
College avenue has tot four years of
age who but lately passed out of her
third year. Meeting her the other day,
u young man said:-
"My, Bessie, how pretty you're ges-
ting"
"Oh, l know it," was the innocent
response.
81 thought you didn't like to be called
pretty?" he said.
"Well," she said pensively, "that
may have been; but then was only free
years old"'-[ Indianapolis News.
AN ADVANCE REPELLEp.
Dcadbroke-Cashleigh, you are my
best friend, would bank on you every
time.
: Cashleigh don't want you to
bank on me any more until you return
that last ten dollars | lent you.
RETRIBUTIoN.
| J." And your aunt didn't leave you any.
; thing after all ?"
"Not u cent. She overheard me call
her an old cat short time before hel
death"
t " How did she leave her money ?"
8" She left it to found an institution for
the care of homeless cats. - Detroit
>. Free Press.
G THE PRoDIGAL SON.
: The wayward young man, broken in
health, had gone to the far Southwest to
a recuperate. He was in, jail at Tombstone
Ariz., for stealing hind quarter of beef
In the loneliness of his cell he sat down
, ana WfOte as follows
t DEAR FATHER-I have picked up some
e flesh since | came out here, but am still
confined to my ROOM Please send me
800, etc, etc. Chicago Tribune.
MOMENTS INDIsCRETIoN.
r Count Spaghetti-Will-a you not-a let
, u me have one lock-a your hair ?"
Miss Nosense-Certainly, Count. Cut
it yourself.
The Count OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
I poo!
AN AGREEMENT OF OPINION.
$ "What do you think of married lifeT
asked the henpecked man, addressing the
youthful bridegroom.
Bliss is no name for it," said the
young husband, enthusiastically.
" You are right" said the henpecked
man, gloomiy, " bliss is no name for it.
Il New York Press.
HADN'T THE CASH.
; She-Now | want to wear the engage
ment ring at the next hop. Please be
sure you get it on time.
He-O, they have already told me they
would let me have it ON time Life.
THE FASHIONABLE TRAIN.
"There is sign at the railroad cross
ings which reads: Look out for the To-
comotive when the bell rings"
"Yes?"
"There should be one something like
it at the corners of our streets -
"You think SOP"
eyes. Look out for the train when
the woman comes along. . New York
Press.
PRUDENT JESSIE.
Jack-Don't you think we would get
along on $25 week. So for the rent, $40
for the table, 81 for the servant and 50
for a rainy day.
Jessie-Yes, provided it didn't rain
very often.
TAKE HEED.
My friend, the owl, with his big round
eyes,
Says never word,
That has yet been heard
But boots at our follies in mild surprise.
The things he can't tell (here his secret
lies)
He doesn't disclose
And every one knows
That thousands of men aren't half so