Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1891-11-05

nv husband. There won't be whole
piece of furniture left in the house by
midnight.
Mrs. Gadd-Horrors Does he drink,
and is that case of liquor he is carry
ing?
Mrs. Gabb-No, he doesn't drink.
That's new box of tools New York
Weekly.
THE FATHERS SURPRISE.
Widower Ito his little daughter, aged
10)-Dora do you know that Susanne,
our housekeeper, is going to be married?
Dora-Oh, I'm so glad we're getting
rid of the old pelican! Won't it beiollyf
But who is going to marry her
Father-Well, am.
He-Shall we try the tricycle. or buggy
this morning, Laura?
She-Either, George. I'm yours for
wheel or for whoa! Chicago Tribune.
DEBT PAID.
Reservation Agent-Did the talk given
by the president of the Indian Associa-
tloh uufe Soou
Buckskin Pete-It did. He said we
owed the Indians u debt. Without a
word the boys went out and killed four.
New York Herald.
A JEWEL OF A WIFE.
'I'm afraid your wife never tides up
things about the house, John" said the
husbands mother.
And like her all the better for it"
said the son, enthusiastically. Il like
her all the better for it. | can always
find my slippers and my hat just where
l leave EN-, which never could do when
l was at home"
EVIDENTLY IN CLOVER.
"Does she sing for you when you call
upon her ?"
II have to press her good deal at
first. New York Press.
THE QUALITIES OF HEROINE.
$50 you have written novel?"
"Yes."
"Has your heroine "a satin skin, velvet
lashes, and hair like threads of spun
| gold ?"
| "Yes."
SIS her name Gwendoline :"
| at is"
"Then don't see why it shouldn't be
success. = New York Press.
HE KeEw OF A CHEAPER.
Mrs. Larkin displaying new pair
"These articles are the cheapest slippers
| ever bought"
Larkin-"I saw some cheaper ones
to-day"
Indeed ?"
"Yes; banana ls."-[Epoch.
A CHANGE IN HIS FEELINGS.
But yestermorn he loved this life
AS lovers love the stars.
To-day he's filled with inward strife:
He smoked his pops cigars.
Il Bazaar.
LARGE STOCK.
He-Remember you're taking my
heart with you
She-You are the fifth man that has
told me that; you all must think l am a
pork packer.
WHY 1T WAS PLEASANT.
Fogg-I had very nice compliment
to-day White said | was the best-look-
ing man in town, and the brightest by
all odds.
Brown-But, honestly, do you think
the compliment fits you?
Fogg-Fits me? OF course it doesn't.
That's what made it so pleasant to hear
it. Boston Transcript.
DISADVANTAGE OF MARRYING BLOOD.
"How's your wife ?"
"Well, really, can't tell you.
haven't met her lately"
Haven't met her lately?"
"No. You sec we are in different sets.
| She's q Montmorenci and | am only u
Smith New York Press.
AN IMPOSSIBLE THINK
sis Chappie going to the party this
EVENING""
II invited him, and he said he would
turn it over in his mind"
"Then he won't CO."
"Why not?"
because he won't have room for turn
ing it over"
| HIS KIND HEART.
Ethel-Your brother devoted himself
to me last night ut the party.
Clarissa-rhat's just like Fred; III
has kind heart.
| Ethel-What do you mean?
Clarissa-I mean that there is no feal
of girl being neglected at party if hi
is there.
| BIG CHANCE FOR IMPROVEMENT.
First Arctic Explorer say!
Second Arctic Explorer-Say on.
81 say We're in box"
"Jesso."
"Well have to wait for rescuine
party"
"That's it,"
Zone will come, l suppose.
eyes, they always come-but not al
ways on time"
~ say"
"Well?"
"Don't you think the present style o
arctic exploration might be improyed?"
"Perhaps 50. What would you sug
gest?"
II think the rescuing party ought t
go ahead. y New York Weekly.
A THICK-HEADED VALET.
"You got no game, then?"
"Not feathaw."
"Wbat was the reason2"
whadn't my shooting coat on ,doncher
| Lok aNl al ID nf Ia,