The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1891-04-22
JOHN HENRY AGAIN.
How He Secured Contract to Get Up an
Article

How He Secured Contract to Get Up an
Article.
John Henry has had one of his stories
printed in a high-Ayin' magazine. Yes,
sir an paid fur, too. l reckon it was 50
he got fur it. l see as" anyhow, on the
check, and it might hev been $50 or a
500 check, but as near as l can judge
think it was So; and he got a whole load
OF fame with it, as much as a wheelbarrow
load, I'd say It's had the effeck of maxim
him awful skernful, too. He wears his
hair now a la Swinburne an his collars
la Byron, an his pants an vest la Brete
Harte, an if there's any more alas layin'
around loose he'll tackle them all mex.
Old Mis- Jones says it makes her sick to
her stummik. But one ailment more
can't hurt her. she's had so menny in her
time. 10 hear her tell it. Il is hard to see
John Henry SO hautty, but we're all
tryin' to bear it, us folks over here, an
guess We will sizzle through all upside
down.
But John Henry has been havin' trouble
along with his fame him an Mary Ann
come nigh partin'. An l reckon IT stands
me to hand to tell you all about it,
aneek way OF doing now fur some time
past, or a little more. An this is when
they want anything writ up they inclose
a check in letter an send it TO the feiler
they think kin do it best. That's right
there, it were, an knows all about it.
Fur instance, to eleustrate.
If wus keepin' the poor house an
they wanted to git an article writ up on
poor houses, iist SIGH fellers as me is the
one they'd send the check to to do i, on.
A good way; it's gittin' news right frum
the proper startin' point. OF course, the
poor house keeper might not have a good
mack of tellin' jist what he knowed very
well, but that wouldn't matter. l reckon
you've all see by the newspapers, lately,
that they've been after Mis- Cleveland
and Mis- Garfield to write fur them.
They've been after 'em bad. But them
two ladies either knows they can't write
much, or else they don't want to KUN out
OF their retirement; or maybe they know
it's Just their names that sound big in a
paper that's wanted. That last is what
strikes me, but Pm in the habit, once in a
while, more or less, OF bein' In the wrong.
Howsomever. that's what ] started out to
say, and now that I've told you, that's jist
the thing John Henry got mixed up into
his family affairs.
A teller wrote to John Henry savin' he
was kind of in the printin business his
self an he'd hearn tell of John Henry's
Writin', an also that he had a awful fat
wife; dreadful fat one as it were. One
that could make her Twin goin' around
in adime cirkus. He said fur John Henry
not to get riled. As he wus a workin' in
the interests of sufferin' humanity. He
said he was tryin' to relieve fat folks. An
nobody could do that unless they knowed
all about fat folks. He sed far John
Henry to write up all he knowed about
his wife. Her eatin' an how much she
&c; an how often an her drinken' espe-
cially, he said he had hearn that fae folks
drinkt more than lean ones, an any little
peculiarities about her temper different
from most folks, he told John Henry to
put it al down fine, an also if me could to
send Mary AIMS pictur with it, an he'd
give him a dollar and half for it, en-
John Henry take bottle of medicine for
it, or take it in postage stamps. John
Henry sed he choose the postage stamps
an so he writ it up nice ami sneaked one
of Mary AIMS latest picturs out Of the
album an sent that along too. An the
Teller wasn't printin' feller at all. He
WINS advertisin' one, the next thing to a
pTintin' one though.
An he was seilin' a patent medicine
called "Anti-Fatlene." An he fixed
John Henry's article up as advertisement
to show just how folks git fat, an put
Mary AIMS picture above it to show bow
one wuz before takin' it, an very nice
sized female girl beside her to show how
one looked after takin' it. 1t wuz in lots
of papers, fur the Teller advertises big, an
we take all kinds of literature down here.
An Wa all knowed Mary Ann as soon as
we clapped eyes on her. My gracious
but Mary Ann was hot when she see that
picture. A wood cut allus makes YOU
look bigger than you are, too. She ac-
cused John II. of writin' that, an he de-
MED he down he didn't, but Mary AIMS
no fool il she does git put in print once in
a while, an she jist flew ON hin an choked
the truth Out'n him. Then she ordered
him to leave the house an never let her
set eyes on him again.
So John Henry went back to his
mother, who told him she knowed when
he married into that low down Jones
family he'd seen git enough of them.
But old man Jones done without
him a week, then he got down
with the grip an a crick In his
back, an then he told Mary Ann he'd
wallup her eff she didn't send right off fur
John Henry an have him KUN back to
do the feedin', an tend to things. He also
sed that John Henry he'd a perfeck right
to jist pen down what he pleased eff he
wanted too, an there wus any money in it.
He also continued tibet eff he he'd the
fist fur written John Henry he'd, he'd write
up the whole job lot, dog an all, an they
might hev his pictur when he got one
took, fur to put in to show how a feller
looked after takein. An they could hev
the old womens too. to kind OF throw in as
a betwixt an between. If advertisin'
fellers an editors mus hev the truth, drat
EN- let EN- have it. So John Henry's
gone back with fear and tremblin'.
That Indianapolis girl turned out to be
a married woman. Sadly yourn,
- FRANK.