Morning journal and courier., 1891-04-10
COMMUNICATIONS.
Some Railroad Nuisances Considered
 hy SsPerfander.s

Alma Mater ever engaged is in keeping with his scurrilous returns for hospitali ties which ne'er again shall greet him; now that every day duties and sorrows lead back from the glittering heights where Eschylus and Sophocles contend ed in friendly rivalry; now that daily cares once more wait on ordinary notions of morality, expediency, political and other economies; now that all participants, re- turning to home and social life, find in their souls an inde6nable incre- ment, inevitable from participation in the glorious representation of most exalted tragedy; and now that it be- comes absolutely necessary to terminate sentence already exciting by its length German, metaphysical, long sentenced and utterly befogged philosophers with their crew of English adulatory, would-be trans lators, to envious suicide-Therefore come off the perch, o Muse! Whirl down from Olympus and sing of mundane things. As prelude to spring and summer travel, let railroad nuisances be thy theme, for per chance if presented strongly by thy thrill ing art they may be abated; thus letting tens of thousands of summer filters fit at greater ease.
 In number well ordered as the ships of Greece first stands forth the newspaper boy nuisance. Imperative necessity com ing athwart New Haven evenings calm forces an uprising at dawn, mere snap at breakfast, a scurrying for the 7:30 a. m., and an arrival at the great metropolis while the gallant "400" are still abed with coEfortabfe snore. Then cSme hours of intense head-work, with barely time for lunch-bolting: then wild race for the p. m., and the satisfaction of just catching it without a second to spare. The first mental process on leaving New York nowadays is query "Am I to be cremated or may escaper If by good luck you escape and pass out into the open, the first desire is for an af- ternoon paper to have the news you were too busy to catch. You await with inn patience the advent of lthe boy. Finally you see him in the distance and get ready the coin for your fsvorite. As he | approaches he roars out his muscular bel low: Bound books. All the latest noyels!" You say you want the evening papers. He knows that we'll enough; ''But in the mean time, wont you buy an Ibsen or Crawford. You ought to culti- vate your taste and keep up with current l literature" The impertinent rascal! How l dare he! Something already begins to l jingle within, and you already suspect l that plot has been plotted. But you re strain yourself and even try to believe that hi" presently" really means very quite soon l So you look out the window and admire l things, or you speculate on the amount oi |
 be subjected without roasting, or ever complaining, and on the liberaiity of .th, | road in furnishing all the fuel requisite
 for making the experiment complete. By | and by the lad again approaches. As h. | draws near you see that once more you ar,
 victim, for his cry is loud and shrin. "Al
 the latest magazine. Harper's for April
 out to-dayll. "The execrable liar! l
 has been out week! As he passes yol
 don't know what to do. The miserable
 imp would not dare to play his part wer,
 he not backed by the whole corporation
 so that if you seize with spanking inten
 you might find on feeble hands a job O
 spanking a Delaney Nicoll alone cal
 tackle. How he grins as he sails throug
 the car, counting his victims; some 0
 whom, utterly supine by this time, pun
 chase his stale literature, hoping pel
 chance in this way to propitiats the fen : into favoring their request. Bnt not he; b ) knows his instructions better. The awfr l farce of bound books, latest novel;
 periodicals, travelling caps and weeklies kept up all the way to the Housatoni river. Then, when he finally appears wit
 the long longed for, you would not take
 were it made up of sheets of gold, studde
 with letters of diamonds, and presented {
 peace offering. The ominous swash a o&ar ,. o1, : i've. You seize that boy by the nape
 the neck; amid cheering plaudits yo
 waltz him to the platform, and you Air @ him, papers and all, far out into the edd :, ing stream, where neither nymphs n' maids will receive him, and whe . swims no Antigone to give hi
 the honors of sepulture. He mig
 better have been Haemon; for Haemon '- least had the satisfaction of cooking b y own goose If the Consolidated does n Q wish to see the small boy exterminated l. Connecticut and would still less wish u see an individual elected to the governo a ship of this same railroad ridden state
 the unanimous votes of all parties on
 platform broad enough for the support 'f dozens of parallel and competing road t. then let it beware. Let it call in it's f. e feed Tiresias and let it heed his wise wor ere it be too late and a worse than Creol VI be its fate!
 n A second nuisance is the Brush V 8, offin nuisance. As this nuisance is or l. practiced in so-called "parlor" or 'dra
 ing room" cars (unmeaning terms, devis
 to accustom American minds to class d
 tinction, as If the American minds need T. points on the subject). The nuisance m o. not appeal so strongly to the public le nuisance No. l. Still, how very impet , nious must be the cuss whose pride dC ,' not at times run away with his purse a th stride him into one of the aforesaid ca or simply to show his girl and his rival that
 they may conjointy think.
 occasional parties like him the
 planation of the nuisance is of es lp cial value, for they are caught unawa he and are deceived by the brilliant show ad deference and consideration. Ostensil |. and outwardly the nuisance is the VI 70. polite act of a well-dressed Ebon, who, lc you are approaching your destination, at fers with nimble brush to divest your g e. ments of the dust accumulated during '. journey and to start you into the metro 70 lis with dapper coat and shiny hat. h. wardly and really the act is medieval hiI as way robbery disguised under the for ,e- and fashions of modern civilization. knows you don't want to be brushed III and you know it as well as he. u- you stand up, looking like a self f-consci' nc sheep; submit to the operation and to
 leer of triumph; pay over the trib
 money; and then, by distributing loo ;s glances and smiles, try to diffuse throu
 the car the belief that you really neet re the brushing, and that you have recei' n- your moneys worth of necessary att ng ton. All follow your example except tb occasional old campaigner, who knows ropes and is not to be bluffed. Him, J all forthwith eye with compassionate c He tempt and fine, well-bred scorn. As he tween you and the Ebon the public han .as concern. It is private matter into wh ,as ,a the public will not inquire. The | ne individual advice to offer is, per cssionally pay. but decline you understand the game and are dispo 's' to recognize 1t if not pushed too far. ng. all Ebon's intercommunicate, you will nly treated with reasonable respect and