The record-union., 1891-04-19

Both were school-marms, and as the
car whirled up ] street they ''talked
! shop"
Il was giving lesson in physics the
other day." Miss Oldboy was saying,
| land / propounded a question which I
was sure was going to stump the whole
class"
What was it?'' asked Miss Pastforty.
'Why, ] asked them why it was that a
thin slice of cheese curls while being cut
from the main body of the cheese"
"And did amy
eyes, that horrid Muncher boy, whose
father keeps a restaurant, answered it
right off. he said it was for the same
reason that a mans nose curls when he
! gets near the cheese"
Quite strong reply" unused Miss
Pastforty, and then they talked of the
weather.
Lieutenant Maydwell has often been
| compllmented on the freshness of his
complexion, his spryness, his wealth of
| blonde, hair, cut Ia pompadour, and the
| general youthfulness of his bearing.
And 1t does not annoy the genial Lieu
| tenant a bit, either.
The latest on him, though, is such a
! clever one that the Lieutenant is dis
tributing it widely himself. He told it
| to the car reporter the other day. It runs
something like this:
| Miss Maydwell, the Lieutenant's viva
ciOus and pretty daughter, who is yet in her
! teens, had been invited TO attend a party
| given by friend, and asked her father
to escort her TO the place where the festivi-
! ties were to take place. It was while the
last OF the guests were arriving that the
| Lieutenant and his daughter drove up, and
were ushered inside. The Lieutenant
conducted the young lady to the room set
apart for the ladies to remove their wraps
and clOaks, and left her at the door. OF
course, the girls inside got a peep at the
handsome Lieutenant and all eyes turned
| inquiringly to Miss Maydwell.
'Wno's the swell ?'' ''Where is he
from"' ''What is his name?' These
and similar questions were showered
upon the astonished young lady.
| But she was not long in taking in the
situation and recovering her mental
| equilibrium. With a miSchieyous smile
she whispered: "Sh-h-h! Isn't he nice.
though? He's just from Boston. And,
girls. he's awfully rich ~
'Um-m-m!' was the chorus.
"That Snuffles girl is just crazy to get
married, +" said Butts to his friend Snipcs,
pointing his finger out of the car window
| to where Miss Snuffies was standing.
THAT so? Well, she oughtn't to have
much trouble" said Snipes
''Why SOP"
''Well, she is quite pleasant and en-
gaging in her manner, don't you know"
The deacon had been quiet for some
time. The reason was that he was de-
vouring the contents of the Colfax SeRti-
3tet which contained quite a number of
Interesting items
But suddenly the good old man was
seen to remove his SpectacleS, polish
them thoroughly on his bandana, don
| them again and then carefully go over
tthree-lIne item which appeared in the
'breYlty" column. He appeared to be
greatly disturbed, and went through the
spectacle-polishing performance again
We'll, there is no doubt about il.
| There it is in black and white. Still
thought knew every foot of ground in
California. never heard OF such place
as that though. Wonder ify'
''What seems to be troubling you, dea-
CONF" asked a friend who occupied the
seat opposite to the old gentleman.
We'll, no trouble exactly-only Pm
puzzled. Here read this item" And the
deacon handed him the paper.
The deacon's friend also wore a per-
picked look after he read the item. 1t was
worded as follows:
Manuel Jackson came up from Ladies'
Canyon on Monday and brought with
him some handsome specimens"
whats the matter with Blank ?"
asked Pike of the Count. 1T was only a
few months ago that he had his house all
fixed up, and now I see carpenters and
plumbers and painters all at work there
again"
''Whew!" whistled the Count Didn't
you hear about it? No! Well, then, if
you don't want to get into trouble don't
mention those plumbers and carpenters
20 Blank. He'll kill you if you do"
well what was it all about?"
Listen and I'll tell you. 1t was not
long after Blanks house was rejuvenated,
when the family noticed peculiar odor
about the place. 1t was not exactly sug-
gestive Of new-mown hay-in fact, it re-
sembled more the breath Of a sick pole
cat. Blank and all the household hunted
high and low for the cause, but in vain.
The odor increased in volume and in
tensity as each day passed, and Blanks
anxiety increased proportionately
"He sent for the plumbers and up
braided them for incompetency. He was
sure they had left leak i'll the sewage,
which caused the terrible stencil, and he
threatened them with litigation if they
didn't hunt up the leak and fix it. The
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