Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-02-27
WIT AND IIUMOR.

tie that its knotty. but it's nice.-st.
Joseph NeWs.
A little poker now and then some
times does up the best oil men. -O|
city Blizzdrd.
WHY not send ont little German
band to play for the ghost -dancersF
This would stop them. -IutSbarg Dts-
patch.
A policeman should never cnIf per-
son on the ear. Handouts are the only
variety he should use.-P'ttS6urg
Chronicle.
The drinking man knows what he Is
obout until he is about drunk and then
he thinks he is sobcr.-AeW Orleans
Picdyune.
"Hark, Somebody is playing de-
lqhtful bit from Wagner 80! that's
ONLY James shoveling coal into the iur-
mace. life.
For all we know the jackass may ieeL
thankful that lie has ears BIZ enought TO
take i'm all his own beautiful music
Indianapolis Journal
A young man who married butter
Gy of fashion" was unable, year later
To provide 'rruD lol MS "u"J
Nor7iSt0-0n Herald.
Doctor. is there no remedy for
coutpn 20. YES. You shouldn't have
drank so much wine the last thirty
wears or Phiiadeiphta Times.
A close observation is likely 20 lead
10 the conclusion that what the human
mind most Graves is some slight pre-
text for going crazy Washington
Post.
THE first thing you ought to. do re-
cruit. when YOU get a bundle OF good
things from home is to feel gratitude
towards your Sergeant. '-f1'e9e"as
Btdtter.
Teacher-"You say there are six
senses? Why. | have only hve.
Scholar-'I know it. sir. The sixth
one is common sense. "-DctroH fFee
Press
The richest woman in Baltimore has
decided TO retire from the world,
which means, we suppose, that she Is
going to move to Philadelphia
J1Idge.
Tom-"The man in the room next TO
me is learning to play on the piano"
Jack-"And what do you do" Tom
I'm learning to swear. ~. I.
! Hcrd'G.
Young Van Duder seems to have
nothing to do. What is his businessg
20. | understand that he's mind
reader TO the four hundred. '-WuHSty
Weekly.
Did understand you to say that
miracles do not happen in these days.
You did" Then YOU were wrong.
Nv plumber has just failed. st
Joseph NeCs.
Boy (who has been caught playing
ball Sunday)-"Say Mister Cop
(pointing to waves), there's some Sab
bath breakers; why don't you stop
them?"-Lye.
Il can't find where that plumber did
ANYTHING TO this heater. Neither
could |. told the man, but he said
we'd certainly find it in the bill. y
Philadelphia Times.
"Do YOU understand that Bronson
has finally decided to enter the state OF
matrimony?" Yes. | think so; at
least he told me he was going to Utah ="
-Brookiyn Eagle.
|, Watts-''What women lack as a
rule. is earnestness of application. :"
, Potts-"You never saw "A woman APP
plying for divorce, did youP-
Indianapolis Journal.
First Drummer-"Got dinner at .the
Highprice House, Ell? Have they good
,, cooks there?n Second Drummer-"I
don't know. forgot to fee the watt
en-. y. Weekly.
Sanso-"There are as good fish In
the sea rs ever were caught" Rodd
better. if YOU believe the fishermen.
1t is always the big ones that get
a away."-N. \. Ueraid.
: Foggs approaching Trotter who is
!, absorbed in tnoughD why so sober,
a old man?" Trotter (bridina) Look
: here. now, that's not fair; it's only
t o'clock. ~. y. Herald.
n Well good-by. dear nephew. II
) you should happen to be in want o.
g money you can write to me-" Hero
!. is the letter now. uncle. if YOU will b'
k SO kind. y Ftiegendc Batter.
u First Citizen-'Does Prof. Georg,
= William Henry's new scheme of public
- taxation include tax on horses9'
Second Citizen-"I guess not; he own:
horse himself. Good aeUS.
}. Globetrotle--"Did YOU ever trave
on personalIy-conducted tour?' Mr.
d Meeke-"Often." G.obetrotle--"W wv ou
g did you have for manager usually?
g Mr.. Meekc-"My wife. ~ \. Week
n ty.
u PHOTOGRAPHER - Your son. tn
= student, ordered this likeness from me-
\ ut is certainly very much like him.
- Has he paid for it?' mot vet" tina
y is still more like him. F2iegeHd
Batter.
Sanso-"How did the police manag
IN to put down the studepts riot?" Rod
~ They threw football among IN
" boys and they Immediately began {
r maui each other to death. IN.
X Herald.