St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1891-12-06
Historic Figures OF the World
Net Hourly on Our
Streets.
NoveliStS, Poets and Histori-
ans at Work on Local
History.
st. Paul's Directory Contains
All Of HistoPy'S Great
Names.

upOu Iu6 DdICODJ Vi Tic pdldCC u tue
Capulets. and. with Romeo listening be-
meath and the property moon in box
shedding its rays on the romantic scene,
casually remarks in the course of her
blank verse soliloquy, whats in a
name?' It's cOnundrum, and nobody
has ever undertaken to answer it. 1t
may be that if Juliet's name had been
Eliza Jones we would not have felt so
much sympathy for her woes, though of
course she would still have retained
her dear perfection, and would have
been just as nice girl. Names in
these days mean absolutely nothing.
Blanche is as brown as a berry, and
airy, fairy Lillian weighs 200 pounds.
One may bear thu name of great phil
anthropist and be stealer Of sheep.
The name doesn't even prove kinship
with the famous owner of it.
The fat city directory is one of the
most Interesting of volumes to pursue
1t is the quinteSsence of democracy.
All fare alike. The rich mans son,
whose mother would fall in fit at the
suggestion of anything so vulgar as
taking bOarders, is entered as Bullion,
FitZhugh, boards steenty-fiYe Summit
avenue, along with Brown. John, who
boards on Canada street. The man
whose wife is widow has no share in
the affairs Of the community, but his
name appears in the directory. Given
a smattering of history. slight knOwl-
edge OF poetry, faint idea that there is
such thing as science, and a little gen
eral information, and one can read the
directory with great deal of pleasure.
inst for example:
There's Lawrence Washington Ones
mind goes back to colonial times, to
Mt. Vernon and this beloved half
brother of our first president. Law
renee Washington is secretary and treas
urer of the Portland Stone company.
John Adams lives in ST. Paul. In fact,
three of him live here, and not one of
him has any presidential expectations.
John Q. Adams lives on CrOcus hill and
is one of the four hundred. He is also
a cOlOred man and the editor of paper,
if the directory is to be believed.
Andrew Jackson makes quite col
ony all by himself. There are six of
him. He keeps saloon on University
avenue. He is negro waiter, ianitor,
and gives shampOOs. One of him writes
Rev. before the name.
Thomas Jefferson would appear to be
practicing his traditional simplicity, for
he is not great man. He is a trust
worthy clerk for Rogers & Ordway, he
is hOrnyhanded Jehu in the employ
of Ballard and he is cOlOred saloon
keeper OH Minnesota street.
James Madison atOnes for whatever
bitterness his administration engen-
dered by keeping a candy shop.
When one calls out Andrew johnson,
seventy-three men are entitled to raise
their hands in response. They follow
oil ic Sr,fC 0F
gospel. johnson is the most popular
name in the book, with Smith with 500
adherentS, "a of whom are Johns, good
second, aud Olson not far behind.
Robert Burns is a clerk at Burns q
Shaw'S, and has never in his lucid mo-
ments, to his best recollection, written
poetry.
William Wallace, that adored hero of
bOyiSh days. is still brave man, for he
is fearless solicitor.
De Witt Clinton, of Erie canal fame,
has deserted politics, and travels from
town to town in the interests OF a whole
sale grocery house.
Robert Lee, than whom a drawer man
nor more gallant soldier never charged
for hOuOr and the COnfederacy, is still
charging. He is a plumber.
William Mckinley has repented of his
evil WAYS and the wickedneSS he has
done, and figures in the st. Paul d.
rectOry as Rev. Mr.. Mckinley.
William Henry Harrison is still wear
ing his own hat, and has never heard of
TippecanOe and Tyler, too. He is a
teamster of Ethiopian lineage.
Walter Scott appears as a composition,
carpenter and general superintendent |
of the Omaha road. Not one of him |
writes either novels or poems.
John l.. Sullivan, whom Eastern pa
perS report as wearing Whiskers, is |
quietly and unassumingly driving a |
team through the busy marts of st. |
Paul.
The John billions, three in number, |
incline not toward craftsmanship nor |
Ireland's cause, but toward railroading. |
One is conductor. one a brakeman,
and one an engineer.
Mary Stuart, poor thing, lost her royal |
head years and years ago. yet she is a
bright young pupil IN the city schools.
John Browns body lies a-mOuldering
In the grave. but as he stands behind a
bar in WabaSha street saloon and
mixes drinks, you would never for a
moment suspect it.
Mary AndersOn-our Mary, who is of
late more English than Johnny Bull
himself-lives with US again to the num-
Der of twenty. She is, for the most
part. SednSIf6SSeS ana laQlQreSSeS.
Edwin Booth. the Eastern critics say,
is in failing health, and intends to visit
Henry Irving soon. In point of fact, he
is as healthy and robust as needs be,
and is a salesman for the Northwestern
Fuel company.
Joseph Jefferson is a messenger of
African descent, and has never atthmpt-
ed to represent Bob Acres or Rip Van
Wrinkle.
John Ward is not the preacher Mrs. |
Deland makes him out; neither is he |
famous base ball player. He is simply |
a GLOBE reporter, a teamster and
health officer.
Henry Stanley is interested, not in |
dark continents, but in dark horses. He |
is a. jockey, and lives on Superior |
street.
Ben Butler is superintendent of the |
Northwestern Fuel company. He de- |
MES that he collected souvenir spoons |
at New Orleans during the war.
Richard Fox il not at ali interested in |
the sufferings of the martyrs, and never |
has been. He keeps watch at z. Il. |
Kelly's.
Shakespeare, George, however. not |
William. is timer, and boards at Mag |
gle Muckle's, in South Park. he has |
never met Mr.. Donnelly.
lago, whose first name is William,
never even saw Otbello. BE is guile