The Portland daily press., 1891-11-02

To keep gray hair away and prevent badness
use Halls Hair Remover.
Uncle Ebony-It looks to me powerful like I'D
hab ter get married, sab, unless somethin' hap
pens.
Carbohydrates What, Uncle?
Uncle Ebony Unless gifts tolably decent
suit o. cloes from gemman bout your size, sab.
-Clother and Furnsher.
why don't you try Carter's Little Liver
Pills? They are a positive cure for sick head
ache, and all the ills produced by disordered
liver. Only one pill dose.
Mother-What in the world has become of the
other half of that cake cut for supper?
Little Dick-You gave it to me.
Mother-Nonsensel You asked If YOU could
have piece of cake and said yes.
Dick-Yes'm. meant the piece that was left
| over.-Street & Smiths Good News.
Salt-rheum is cured by Ayers Sarsaparills
| Write J. c. Aver Co., Lowell, for evidence.
Mr. Canby-Oh, Titus, the baby has swallowed
hairpnl
Mr.. Canby-That's it; just as expected. Now
you'll want money to buy some more. It's moth
ing but money, money in this house the whole
Dl6SSeQ Llme. Ill D6I tldb DdDy has SWdlON6Q
more than fifty dollars worth Of hairpins in the
last three months. Now, madam, this has got to
stop right here. Either the baby will quit eating
rest of u.s. or I'll know the reason why-yOu I'M
derstand? : Munseys Weekly.
perangement of the liver, with consti-
patton Injuries the complexion, induces pimples
| sallow ekin. Remove the cause by using Carriers
Little Liver Pills. One dose. Try them.
| First Arctic Explorer I sayi
| Second Arctic ExpIorer-Say on.
II sayl We're in a bosi'
| "JeSsO"
well have to wait for resculns party"
cone will come, suppose"
"Yes, they always come-but not always on
| time"
"Well?"
"Don't you think the present style of arctic ex-
| ploration might be improved?'
| perhaps so. What would you suegest?"
81 think the resculng party ought 10 go ahead
Physicians prescribe Ayers Pills as The safest
| and most perfect carthartic compounded
Brown-Old Cowblgger is remarkably super
stitious for man OF his Intelligence ! saw him
Merritt-Yes. He nailed 1t over that 5000
vase in his library.
MerIilt1It fell down and broke the vase
HarpeI's Bazaar.
Bapy cred,
Mother sighed,
| Cio;ss prescribed: Castor1s,
| knowledge Is Power
Doctor-You notice marked Increase in your
appetite?
Doctors eep longer and more heavily than
| usuai9
Patient Yes.
Doctor-Feel very fatigued after much exer-
| else?
/ Doctor-Hml Very grave case. But the re-
searches OF science sur, enable US to cope with
| your malady, and | think l can pull you
| through. -Harper's Bazar
Young mothers who regain strength but slowly,
should bear in mind that natures greatest as
| sistant is Lydia E. Piukham's Vegetable Com
pound 1t has no rival as thousands testify.
In travelling over the battlefield OF Antielam
| met an aged negro who seemed to know the lay
Of the ground perfectly well, says writer in the
Were you here when the fight took placer"
Right yere. sab, he replied.
''Saw iG alt then?"
Well, sab, not 'zactly but saw de dead folks
"Why didn't you witness the movements of the
"Well, sab, was dun embarrassed heap dat
day. knowed Gen. Lee was dependn on me
not to whoop for de Yankees, an dat Gin. Me-
Clellan was dependn on me not to whoop agin'
'em, an so dun went down cellar an sat on de
head of cider bar'l an let 'em fit it out de
best way dey could.
II remember Jchnsons Anodyne Lnimeut !"
said an old man, 'when l was boy" Same
now.