The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-08-21
PUNGENr PARAGRAPHS.

-She-'I don't believe in long en-
gagements, do your" He-"No; people
are apt to find out too many things
about each other. boston News.
Heard at Brighton Beach. -Enthu-
siast-"Don't you think Wagner is an
gelic?" Materialist-"Well,t that's hard
to tell; he's dead, you know. Brook
Ign Eagle.
ibid you take much exercise during
the winter" No" 81 thought you
were such firm believer in physical
culture" so am; attended every
lecture delivered upon the subject" -
Light.
An Ideal Wife. - Husband - "No
blue stocking for me. An ignorant wo-
man makes a far better wife" Wife
Am | Il good wife, John?" Husband
Yes, you are an ideal one" - Yankee
Blade.
One Less, Anyway.-"Henry," she
whispered. why don't you say some
thing?" Because" he answered, be-
tween his teeth, 81 have just swallowed
a mosquito, and don't want him to es-
cape. "-Columbus Press.
-Citizen-'I hear you are running
for otfice?" Candidate-"Yes, a month
ago l placed myself in the hands of my
friends" Glow are Won now?" II would
like to borrow fifteen cents to get dairy
lunch. baltimore American.
In the Chicago Swim. First brother
lin Chicago)-"Are you going to that
i've o'clock tea?" Second brother
No" First brother-''Then let me
wear your Prince Albert I've got fan
lel shirt. st. Louis Amenities
we'll" said father-in-law, after
mother-in-law had returned from a visit
% the young couple, what sort of
fellow is John?' ''I'm afraid he's not
good for much" said mother-in-law.
He reminds me very much of YOU
Harper's Bazaar.
Mr. Townly-"I got letter from
your cousins to-day" Mrs. Townly-
Inviting us to spend the summer, of
course" Mr.. Townly-"No; stating
hat they do not intend to ruin charity
hospital this season. N. Y. Herald.
1t Meant About the Same, Jack
What discount will you allow me on
engagement rings?" Maiden Lane Jew
rler-''Are you in the trade?" Jack
NO; but I'm going to summer at New
port. '-.Ieweler'S Weekly.
Doubtful -Ethel-''I don't see why
Won call Miss White homely I'm sure,
| wish l were half as good looking as
She is" Fred-''You are Ethel, you
know You are" And Ethel is wonder
ing whether he meant to compliment
her.-N. L. Magazine
Pretty Girl Ito salesman)-'I want
to buy a hammock strong enough to
hold up three" Salesman - Sorry,
miss but our hammocks will only hold
up two" Pretty Girl Enthusiastically
well, no matter, I'll take one.-Bos-
ton Herald.
"A flying frog was recently caught
in Pennsylvania and now flying rabbit
has been captured in Missouri If it
were not for the fact that once in awhile
a flying banker is caught, there would
be reason to fear that man had fallen
behind the rest of the animals in the
important particular of inventing fly
ing machine. Free Press.
Two Pictures. -Observant Son
Papa, what a splendid car! Look at
the silver service and the plush and vel
vet and curtains. Who are the men in
it?" Papa-''That's the directors car,
and the occupants are having regular
jam oree." o. Sand who's that
seedy old fellow eating hard boiled eggs
and crackers in that emigrant carp"
Papa-'Oh! that's only one of the heavy
stockholders on his way to see why he
doesn't get any dividends. ''-Pittsburgh
Bulletin.