The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1891-06-26
WIT AND iIUMOR.

The wedding ring-The girh her
mother and her big BROTHER Asdiana-
poiis journal.
The hardest of all things is to get
man to stop and lock himself squarely
in the face.-Rani's Horn.
1t isn't safe to judge man by the
clothes he wears-they may belong to
his roommate.-M. Y. Herald.
There is nothing man enjoys more
than complaining of his great respon-
sibilities. Indianapolis journal.
The fact that riches have wings may
be the reason that they enable n man
to Fly high. r. Washington Post.
Many Congressman has the idea
that the ship Of state is merely a tender
to his own membership Indianapolis
Journal.
Chiffey-s'What's that / hear about
young Checkerstripep' Chatfey -
His clothes. probably Harvard
LGanpoon-
The man who throws dice for drinks
generally finds that the drink turns
around and throws him. Yonkers
Statesman.
She-"Tell me. what difference is
there between ready y-made tie and one
you tie yourself?a He-'.About an
hour. Life.
Woman may never be elected to
Congress, but she will ever maintain
the position of speaker of the house.
7eras Sstings.
''You say,madam, that you have been
injured by labor strikesP What line of
business are you IMP" II married a
striker. ~ Y Recorder.
Teacher-..Ho would you describe
Henry VIII. of Englandp" Student
Il would describe him rs professional
widower. vi Hayperas Bazar.
'Chappie was wound up last night"
said Martha. Yes; but little too
tightly. l think" said Ethel. He
wouldn't on 7. Herald.
Preachers rarely make deals in mer-
camille exchanges. but in their pulpits
they are very apt TO speculate on fut-
ures.-Neao Orleans Picayane.
She-"Wasn't that Bavarian lullaby
we heard in the new opera just per-
fect?n He-..Yes / lay awake all
night thinking about it. Epoch.
When r man gets old enough to
know himself thoroughly he begins to
entertain cynical opinions of the whole
human race.-Indtdndpott Journal.
Snooker-.I bought these three-dol-
lar trousers in a fit of economy
Hunker Surveying the garmenD-"I
don't see the fit. M,tusey's Weekly.
If you have million you can get
into the four hundred" Yes. and if
You have four hundred you are liksly
to stay in the million n-"-Brooklyn Life.
Talk about striking u tender
chord" soliIoquized the tramp at the
woodpile; this is one of the toughest
cords l ever struck. y Yonkers States
man.
In the Tung dynasty in China
speech of 14S volumes was once de-
hvered.n That's where Blair gets it.
He belongs to the Tung crowd. ."-M.
y. Herald
Who goeth a borrowing goeth a
serrowing." was doubtless true in the
good old times; but nowadays it is the
lender who does the mournful perani-
bulation--Life.
1t is not safe TO judge "A mans conr-
age by the tone OF voice he employs
when he speaks to the office boy. Wait
until you hear him address his wife
N. ]. Recorder.
Rose think I'll say yes. 1t is
better to marry a man you respect than
one you adore" Dolly-.But it's so
much easier TO love men than 10 respect
them.n-Life.
when some wise man sald .1gnor-
ance is bliss" he said something very
important 10 women who are curious
about the doings of their husbands
Atchison Globe.
First Rival Editor = Washington
couldn't tell a lie-" Second Rival Editor
II can tell one as far as / can see it,
and I've seen your affidavit of eircula-
ton. So. Paul Globe.
When a man measures his neighbor's
sins he counts by inches and calls the
result that many feet; when he meas
ures his own he counts by feet and calls
it inches.-Atchtson Globe.
Mamma. is Gen. Greely
the clerk of the weather?n Mamma-
20. no. my child. He is the cashier.
He gives us our change, don't you
know. .n-W Washington Star.
Il should think you would be afraid
to go home after this terrible scandal"
Not in the least. They know the
worst about me. l ran for Congress
last fall. ~. j. Recorder.
Mr.. Parson (entering suddenly
Playing cards! / thought this was an
anti-gambling club" Parsons Son
I'VE are engaged in an anie-gambling !
game. sir."-Butaio Bzpress.
How did You manage to get out of |
your engagement 10 Jessie without a |
breach OF promise suit?' Il threatened !
to wiring her pug-dog's neck and she
Tilted me. .''-4iunsey's Wee6iy-
That was !. fine coat you made |
Buster. Mr.. Snip. What did he pay for
thatP" Nothing" returned Snip sad
ly. SOP" said Bmks. III take two
at the same price. = Harper's Bazar.
If farmers knew as much about
hnanciering as they think they 10. and
financiers knew as much about farm
ing as they think ley do. this world
would be ian Elysium ON earth.-Satur-
day Globe.
Don't YOU think that the cold
weather soda-founiain is "A pernicious
affair, deacon?" said il medical man to
his friend Yes" was the reply, but
We find we must wink at t.''- Wash
in9ton fost.
Sehemer-.'Ive got good thing for
you in the way OF an investment"
Skimmer-.All right; you are sure
there's something ia itF'' Schemer-
Not yet; I'm just trying to have you
put some cash in Minneapolis