Lewiston teller. [volume] (Lewiston, North Idaho) 1878-1900, 1891-03-26
HIS Welded WIFE.

HIS Welded WIFE.
Shakespeare says something about |
worms, or it may be giants, or beetles,
turning if you tread on them too |
severely. The safest plan is never to |
tread on a worm--nOt even on the last
new subaltern from home. with his
buttons hardly out Of their tissue
paper, and the red of sappy English
beef in his cheeks. This is the story
of the worm that turned. For the sake
OF brevity we will call Henry Augustus
Ramsey Faizanne THE Worm" al
though he was an exceedingly pretty
boy, without hair on his face and
with a waist like a girls, when he
came out to the Second '.Shikarris"
and was made unhappy in several
ways. The "Shikarris" are a high
caste regiment, and you must be able
to do things well-play a banjo, or
ride more than little or sing, or act
to get on with them.
The worm did nothing except to fall
off his pony and knock chips out OF the
gate posts with his trap. Even that
became monotonous after Il time. He
objected to whist, cut the cloth at
billiards, sang out of tune, kept very
much to himself. and wrote to his
mamma and sisters at home. Four OF
these five things were vices which the
'.Shikarris'' objected to and set them
selves to eradicate. Everyone knows
how subalterns are by brother SUBJ
alterns softened and not permitted to
be ferocious.
The "Shikarris" shikarried The
Worm very much, and he bore every
thing without winking. He was so
good, so anxious to learn, and flushed
SO pink, that his education was cut
short, and he was left to his own de-
vices by everyone except the senior
subaltern, who continued to make life
q burden to The Worm. The senior
subaltern meant no harm. but his chaff
was coarse and he didn't quite UNDER
stand where to stop. He had been
waiting too long for his company, and
that always sours man. Also, he
was in love, which made him worse.
One day, after he had borrowed The
Worms trap for lady who never ex-
listed, had used it himself all the after
noon, had sent a note to The Worm,
purporting to come from the lady, and
was telling the mess all about it, The
Worm rose in his place and said, in
his quite lady-like voice; THAT was a
very pretty sell; but I'll lay you a
months pay to a months pay when
you get your step that work a sell on
you that you'll remember for the rest
OF your days, and the regiment after
you when you're dead or broke" The
Worm wasn't angry in the least. and
the rest of the mess shouted. Then
the senior subaltern looked at The
Worm from the boots upward and down
again, and said Done, Baby" The
Worm took the rest of the mess to wit
ness that the bet had been taken, and
retired into book with sweet smile.
Two months passed and the senior
subaltern still educated The Worm,
who began to move about little more
as the hot weather came on. l have
said that the senior subaltern was in
love. The curious thing is, that girl
was in love with the senior subaltern
though the Colonel said awful things,
and the majors snorted, and married
captains looked unutterable wisdom
and the juniors scoffed those two were
engaged.
The senior subaltern was SO pleased
with getting his company and his &C
ceptance at the same time that he for
got to bother The Worm. The cir
was pretty girl and had money of hel
own. She does not come into this stor.
at all.
One night at the beginning OF the no
weather all the mess except The Worm
who had gone to his own room to writ
home letters, were sitting on the plat
form outside the mess house. Tn
band had finished playing, but no on
wanted to go in. And the captains
wives were there also. The folly of
man in love is unlimited. The senio
subaltern had been holding forth O.
the merits of the girl he was engage
to and the ladies were purring approval
while the men yawned. when there wa
a rustic of skirts in the dark and
tired. faint voice lifted itself:
where's my husband?'
/ do not wish in the least to refie'
on the morality of the 'Shikarris. " b'
it is on record that four men jumpe
up as if they had be>l shot. Three
them were married men. Perhal
they were afraid that their wives ha
come from home unbeknownst. III
fourth said he had acted on the impuli
of the moment. He explained tn
afterward.
Then the voice cried "Oh. Lionel
Lionel was the senior subaltern's nam
A woman came into the little circle
light by the candles on the peg table
stretching out her hands to the da
where the senior subaltern was, al
sobbing. We rose to our feet feelil