The Kootenai herald. [volume] (Kootenai, Idaho) 1891-1904, 1891-10-24
UPON THE BALCONY.


Professor Paul Mcrobe sat intently gaz-
ing at the house acres the way, and for once
in his life lounged il perfectly natural po-
sition, with a relaxed and human look on his
face. 1t would havebeen plain to the duIlest
that for once in his life, at any rate, the pro-
fessor had forgotten all about himself, his
stomach, his dyspepsia and malarial tenden-
cies, his theories on bacteria, and, more than
all, the important fact that precisely at
6:l5 it was his custom to partake of pint Of
new milk scalded and two slices of stale
Graham bread toased. The professor was
tall, lantern jawed sabsided and sedate. He
lived by theory; in fact, life itself was the
DRY to him; he had atheory by which he fed
his stomach, theory by which he pruned
his mind and made itsprout only on the north
or scientific side, theory by which he raised
his children, and imumerabe theories re-
garding diseases on which he wrote books,
taught in a college, lectured in Boston and
killed people in an experimental way. He
only ate certain foods, and then only at
certain times, and in the capacity of
guest would have been, l fear, thoroughly
impossible. A person who shifts at - salad
and asks suspiciously lis that oil in IT." who
holds your Hospitality offered cup of tea off
at arms length while he rudely queries
"green or blacSp who can't or won't ride
backward, nor sit in a room without an ac-
curately measured amount of ventilation, is,
contend, a thoroughly impossible person
and not to be thoughtof as a chum, guest
or in any of the more intimate relations of
life
Professor Microbe lived in a city far re-
moved from this gay seductive southern
town, and his duty was far from here but
what with his theories, his dyspepsia and his
skim milk system of starving his stomach
he had pretty nearly experimental himself
off into the land from which no experimenter
has as yet returned, and had been ordered off
south for complete change Of scene, food,
air and mode of life.
Said his doctor to him: "For heavens
sake, man, quit fooling with yourself; shake
yourself together and live as God Almighty
intended you should. You are a monster
nova deformity. Eat plenty, drink
plenty, laugh, 20 to the opera, to the theatre,
dance, and, if Mrs. Microbe here will let you.
fall in love- IF that is your theory, of
course, doctor, said that sandy lady. Mrs.
Microbe really was lady who seemed to grit
in the teeth The professor had married her
in pursuance of a theory, and the result of
that marriage had been two or three surly,
unruly, i'll hammered cubs, who bid fair to
grow to mans estate heartily hating theories
and theorists.
And so, to cut long story short, the pro-
fessor came south, leaving behind him every
| thing and everybody which comprised life
| from his point Of view. The savants well
coined him, and made much of him, there
L. n. 1 l.
| it fair summer at the south pole if only there
was some one there to keep his vanity warm.
I But the hotel did not suit him, as he was
constantly uncertain about the new
ness of his milk and the age of his
| Graham bread, and 50, by a stroke from
| Fortune-a merry dane who marked him for
a victim, and intendsd to have some fun
with him-he found lodgings in a charming
old Spanish house in the very heart Of the
| French quarter It was a room quite too
lovely for desecrationby a dusty old profess
scr, however distinguished, who lived on
theories and oat meal nlush and was full OF
/ bacteria. 1t was a fIont room in an entire
sol over a furniture shop, with arched
/ Spanish windows blrnnng out on a balcony
of wrought iron Of most exquisite beauty.
In corner Of the balcony stood one of those
I BAdllA olA "dtcl JdIh WIN ptSAlhS oluSo VI
yellow, brown and salmon and which might
have held two or threeof the ''forty thieves, y
but instead was full 81 earth, for a splendid
rose vine that clambered all over the railing
and sent its tender, sweet perfume stealing
shyly into the room sodesecrated by micro
scopes and bottles of liver pills and bundles Of
medicated red flannel, and the Lord knows
what in the way of Instruments for the de-
lection and location Of bacteria.
There was faded Administer carpet on the
floor, carved bed in which had slept king
Of France and prime of Spain, an armoir
large enough for a tomb for some Italian be-
nevolent association, sdressing stand inlaid
with mother of pearl cabinets, arm chairs
tete-a-tetes covered in frayed brocatelles that
had cost a fortune yard, pier glass that
one could not break With sledge hammer
faded tapestries at the arched doors, old
marble vases in the inches where once some
demoiselle had prayed TO her shrined Virgin
and in the midst of all this the professor, or
to speak correctly, his belongings, for at the
moment the learned member Of a dozeI
scientific societies, the eminent Fellow anc
Phi. d., was hanging over the balcony watch
ing the house across the way.
Wax tapers burned ON the marble tablea
the steam had ceased rising from the pint o.
new milk in its fragile bowl, but still he sa
watching the house opposite. lie saw