, 1891-05-23
THE ARIZONA K
Some of the wild way. OF Go Ahead
Journalism.

Journalism.
Last December. when we had completed
the repairs 70 the picket fence surrounding
our private graveyard and counted up the
graves, we announced our earnest hope
that the number would never exceed nine.
We never really wanted to Kill any one Of
the batch, much preferriug 10 live at peace
with all mankind, bat il was a case Of
shoot first or 20 under'i in each and every
instance, and it became our duty TO shoot
Everybody knows we have done the
square thing when compelled to outfit a
man for the far OF country. We have
bought C%Ofius, furnished shrouds. got up
funeral PROFESSIONS and planted the immi-
grant on our own private lot, where his
headboard would not be taken by the COW
boys for a eucher table nor his bones become
the prey Of the coyotes. 1t is needless TO
add that we shall continue to pursue this
liberal policy in the future, while the sub
scription price OF the Kicker will still re.
main at two dollars per year.
As stated at the beginning. we hoped to
keep the number down to nine, but cir
cumstauces over which we had no control
erected a tenth headboard the other day.
In writing up ColoBel Woodhouse's new
ranch two weelss ago we ioeularly referred
to A cowboy a. "COCkeycd Bill" IL seems
that his proper title Is ''Squinteyed Will
lam" aud lac took oGeuse at our license.
We ave invariably noticed that when we
attempt anything ~joculur somebody dies
before the month expires, and we shall now
swear of.
Bright and early Monday morning the
gentleman with the imperfect optics opened
the front door Of our Office with a great
deal Of useless energy, and before we could
give him G. q. ID, rates on IA half column
ad. he began banging away at us. We
knew, from the way his first bullet chRwed
its way through the straw hat we wear in
the office that he meant business, and we
didn't allow any vision OF the dear old
home back in New England, with mother
standing in the door, stop us from getting
ready to return his Courteaies-
William shot the hands of our Office
clock, split the ehr Of the Chinaman who
turns the crank Of our power press and
blasted the peaceful life OF a yaller cat
which we paid nvedollars for in Tucson: but
when the cannonade had ceased William
had gone down the long. dark trail to Join
his forefathers We were, Of course. prompt
ly acquitted before the ~coroner's jury, and
we think we did the square thing when we
got thirteen vehicles out to Williams fu-
neral.
All our reader will bear witness 70 the
fact that we have exercised the greatest
patience In bearing the slurs and taunts OF
our esteemed weekly contemporary. on
three different occasions we would have
been perfectly justified In killing him, but
we restrained our hand because we knew
he owed his two compositors money which
they would lose II he went under ground
We long ago decided to pay no further at
tentiou to him, no matter what he said,
but there was an item in his last issue
which calls for n word or two Of eKplnna-
tion from us.
Our lop cared. lop shouldered, knock
kneed, slab sided, r~amshAckle, bald ended
poverty stricken, cross eyed, web footed,
toothlcss old contemporary. with an aver.
age circulation OF 2l7 copies weekly against
our tens OF thousands (see our sworn state
mentsl, says that We were cowhided in our
own sanctum three days ago by a lady
named Miss Green, who is a music teacher
lately arrived from Indiana.
His statement Il an insult 70 a young,
beautiful and accomplished lady, who was
at once accorded the outray OF the best
society in the town, and who came here
with letters Of the highest r~ecommeuda
ton from respectable people
Mrs. Green called at The Kicker office In
the most RmiRble mood and with the most
peaceful Intentions, She simply aud sweet
ly desired Us to publish one Of her original
poems, entitled when the Hens Egg Nests
Again, " and we were thrice glad TO do so.
II appears on our third page today. and we
feel that we cannot say too much Ia praise
of It.
Thus do We confound. paralyze, upset,
break la two and knock out the human
hyena whose spiteful soul would blncken
our private character before this commuu-
ity. aud with II the fair reputation OF an
angel Ia female clothes. Words fail to ex-
press our contempt for this iuhumnn
monster. but no advance will be made in
our advertising rHtes.-M Quad In New
York World.