Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1891-02-20
WIT AND IIUMOR.

htteuuautli IN Tailronu WaitlnS-rOOm)
Say, mister. no going to sleep here.
This amt no church. Life.
Ii takes two to gossip. The man
who listens can throw no blame on the
man who tells.-Atchison Globe.
The person who can the least spare
it is often most willing to give others
piece of his mind. Rome Sentinel.
The spectators may regard a bali
player rs bad, but oftentimes he isn't
half as bad as he fields. - Binghamtoa
Lender.
1t may he "Lo. the poor Indian" in
poetry, but Indians come high to the
United States Goyernment.-IVa Washing
ton Post.
The trouble in lending our ears is
that the borrowers take such liberties
with them before returning them
AtchiSoH .Gtobe.
Sanso-'I make it point TO learn
something from everybody | meet"
Rodd-'Ah! You must be recluse."
N. y. Herald.
A man no sooner gets old enough to
know how to talk well than he also
learns the value of not talking ut all.
-AtcttSon Globe.
He Cat 1885 p. m. III declare, the
lamp is going out" She-''Yrs. The
lamp seems to have some idea OF time"
-AGrper'S Bazdr.
Smiey-''Now, remember, l don't
want large picture" Photographers
ALL right, sir. Then please close
your mouth. boston Traveller.
Scrib5er-'J have just lots of fun
/ that explains it, / wondered where
the fun came in."-DetroH Free Press.
Drop me line" yelled the drown
ing man. What's the use?n said the
humorist on the dock. There's no
postoffice where you are going. "-Lfc.
A New York paper says that Mrs.
Shaw, the whistler is still in Europe"
We know some whistlers that we wish
were still in America. IonkerS States
/ man.
There are lots of people in this world
who wear silks and velvets on top. with
carefully covered garment of sack
cloth and ashes NATURALIZATION
Globe
! An agnostic is man who does not
know ANYTHING, and glories in the fact.
! The atheist Is smart man who rejOices
in making a fool of imself.-B.Ston
Traveller.
The DISCONTINUED Indians may go on
the theory suggested by the ballet. that
if it is customary for dancers to kick it
is only natural for the kickers to dance.
- Washington Post.
There are two things needed in these
days: First. for rich men 10 find out
how poor men live, and, second, for
poor men to know how rich men work.
-EdtCard atkinson.
Fred-"They say Baker has a great
used to have" Harry-''Yes, he has
to. They have twins at home. y
ID, troll Free Press.
Husband-"The marks on my COL
lars are getting so faint l can't read
them" Wife-"Then wish YOU would
get another bottle of that indeibe
ink. ~ y. sun.
Il would give anything if l but had
a musical ear" Why don't you take
quinine?n "Quinine?n Certainly;
that will make your ears sing
indianapolis Journal.
Shelley writes good deal better
than he talks" 20, immensely"
Then you have read some of his writ
ings?' No. but | have heard him
talk. " Boston Transcript.
so the old gentleman kicked you
down the stoop when you called 10
see his daughter. Dad he break any,
lhing?' Yes he broke our eigage-
ment." Pbtiadeiphia Times.
She-"They have discovered some
wood in Egypt which is said to be A.
300 years old. | wonder what kind it
is?' He observation-disclosures,
Of course. - WashtngtoH STIR.
Mrs. Bunting-'Who was the violin
list who played at your reception. Mrs.
LarkinP" Mrs. Larkin-"lt wasn't a
violinist at all. 1t was vir;uoso.
Why, l had to pay him son T.
Sun.
What pretty girl Jimson's type
writer must be-" unused Watts. IL
never saw such an outrageous lot OF
msSpelled words in bus.ne letter
DCiVtc III al ny udS % A"|'"''"D0''o
JOurnnL
Mr. Fuller to Clarence q years old) !
why, Clarence, how much YOU
look like your father" Clarence (re-
signedly) Yes. sir. Everybody says
that, but don't think / deserve it,
~ T. Sun.
But, Carl, how can YOU drink so
much beer?p Il drink it as reward
OF virtue. for, you see, drank milk for
Il whole year" You did! And what
year was that, prayP' MY first. of
course. "-Fliedende BLdtter.
She-'That was funny story you
told me Yesterday about donkey. |
Mr.. Greggs." He--Do you think SOP"
She-"YeS, indeed! After this when
ever | see donkey it will remind me |
OF you. '-Nunsey's Weekly.
Why is il that it is so much easier for
other people to saw mean things about |