The united opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1881-1970, 1891-03-13

= Wass't the Right Time and Mr.. Dilts
a,s n Cave e Or.

"I'll do iti'' a. ,i,,is,
Polhemus Diltx laid down the paper be
was reading, put bis nose glasses back In
his pocket. took his hat and overcoat down
from the hook and started home.
I'M do itr' he repeated to himself a. b
walked along. "I'll court my wife a. II
she were girl again, the way the fellow
did In that newspaper story. expect it'll
70 pretty tough," he reflected, throwing
away his cigar and wiping his mouth care
fully ~ he approached his home. "rve
been good deal of rhinoceros about the
house. and it's a hard thing to break of
old habits all at once, but I'm going to
give It q trial II 1t takes the hide off"
Mr. Diltz entered the house, hung his
hat and overcoat in the hall instead Of
throwing them down in heap on the sofa
in his usual fashion Then he went on
tiptoe upstairs, put on his best necktie,
combed his hair carefully. and came softly
down the stairs again.
Mary ,Janer' he called out "Where are
you, dear''
"Out here.' answered q voice in the
kitchen. did you bring that package Of
chocolate ! told you not to forget when you
went down town this morning?"
why, no." said Mr.. Diltz regretfully,
Is he went into the kitchen. 81 forgot 1t,
lear"
Mrs. Diltz looked at him suspiciously
He hadn't called her "dear'' for about
eleven years
you forgot it, Humphl just expected
Il. What are you up to nowT
This query, somewhat sharply uttered,
vas prompted by an unexpected forward
movement on the part of Mr. Diltz.
Don't you see I'm cleaning this chick
nw she exclaimed Look outl You'll
make me cut myself I'm working at the
vizzard A man has no business poking
round in the kitchen when he can't do any
good"
Mr. Diltz stepped back He had intend
ID to kiss his wife, but concluded to post
pone the matter for little while.
MARY Jane," he said. my dear"-
What are you all slicked up for. any.
Aowi Going anywhereS"
mo, love. expect to spend the rest of
the day at home came an hour or two
earlier, thinking"-
II wish you had brought that chocolate.
That's what wish"
Darling" said Mr.. Diltz, "I-that's no
way to go to work at chicken gizzard.
Let mel
Maybe you know more about this kind
OF work than / do. Maybe haven't cleaned
hundreds of chickens since I've been keep
ing housei What are you shopping around
out here for, anyhow, with your hair all
plastered down and that smirk on your
facei'
MY dearest Mary Jane, p
''Polhemus," broke in his wife, laying
down the portion of the fowls anatomy
she had been dissecting, and looking at him
keenly, what on earth is the object of this
palveringi What new dodge are you try
ing to work nowf"
"Why. Mary Jane, I've made up my mind
to try to get along with you in diff -
TO get along with mei What do you
meant Do you tell me to my face Pm hard
to get along within
Not at all, Mary Jane; not at all. was
only going to say that we might live to
gether more comfortably, you know, if-er
If we'd quit this quarreling and be So
ctable, you know, as we used to be. There's
no need of us acting like cats and dogs'-
Who says we act like cats and dogs, I'd
M4e to know Lo9k here. Polhemusl
You've been drinking"
Its blamed |" now. Mary Jane
don't you give way to that temper Of
yoursp'
who started this fussr
You did,
didn't You did yourself"
II didn'tl'
You didP'
You know better"
Tell your wife she lies, do you? Well,
it isn't the first time. II you have any
business to attend to at your office there
will be plenty time for you to go and do it
before supper. I'll get along don't need
any help on this chicken
"Diddledy dad-swing the dag-gone old
henri shouted Mr. Diltz. beside himself
with rage. Dad swizzle its everlasting
yol-dinged old carcassi
He went out of the kitchen, slamming
The door behind him, and in less than a
quarter of minute he was on his way
back to his Office, muttering excitedly to
himself and crushing the inoffensive side
walk hard beneath his vindictive heel as
,e strobe along
Mr. DiltZ has not entirely given up the
dea of counting his wife, but he has regis
cred castiron vow never to undertake
he job again when she is anatomizing a
O chicken -ChicaQO Tribune