The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1891-01-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

a gurgle round the world.-IeJds SiTf-
ings.
The survival of the fittest is so often
the survival of coward with long
legs.-Atchison Globe.
Speaking of the man in the moon,
the general impression is that he is not
in t.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
When it comes TO question of So
ciety the best is not always the cheap
est.-Rochester Post-Erpress.
Adsm-s.Why did you take the APP
ple?n Eve-'.The serpent assured me
it was going at a bargain. IN. Y.
Herald
First Vet-s.Was you shot at Bull
Run?n Second Vet-''No; | was on
the dead run when shot. ~ Y.
HerGld
Married people, it is said. live longer
than single ones. 1t seems longer.
anyway, to unhappy couplcs.-Boston
1rdrelier.
When it is said of man that he is
dvspeptic. people begin to wonder if
his wife writes novels or votes
Atchison Globe.
The eye may be the window of the
soul, but frequently the stock does not
come up to the window display
Indianapolis Journal.
There are so many people in the
world who laugh all the wav home,
and stop as soon as they reach the
door.-AtchiSon Globe.
The woman lives tie longest. For
any five veteran soldiers long since
dead there is an average of a hundred
and tiftv-two widows.-JUdge.
There is one good thing about The
osophv. Nobody expects a Theosophist
to be able to define exactly what he
believes. SonserUiHe Journal.
Somebody has said that the man
who pays his rent must hustle and the
mau who doesn't pay his rent is
obliged to keep moving.-Lynn Item.
First Actor-.Did you have good
run in the wesl?n Second Ditto
Yes; sixteen miles, with the landlord
and the sheriff in hot pursuit. "-B0St0n
Traveller.
1t is when lady enters a crowded
IOi liittL tiiC iiIal'I w nv nj, u Statt
really feels that he is getting his
moneys worth out of newspaper
Elmtra Gazette.
There are men and men, as there are
sandwiches aud sandwiches. There's
nothing in some of them, and in others
the more there is SO much the worse.
Boston Transcript
The writer who said You may pol
ish a copper as long rs You like. but
you cannot make a sovereign of it. !"
ddns know that the New York police
men rule the city.-Lye.
Farewell, said the poet to his man
uscript, as he sealed it for the mails.
No" returned the manuscript. feel
ing its own weakness, mot farewell,
au revoir. IN. Y. Sun.
That Statue of Liberty said Mrs.
Bluxum. is very appropriately posed,
standing, of course. Uncle Sam isn't
these days. IN. Y, Sun.
..Ah, good morningr' said the early
bird to the worm. Looking for a
job?" That's what. Anything l can
do for you?" Yes, you'll about fill
the bill, think. "-Sparbs.
In the distribution of vocations it is
a strange fact that the man who could
run a newspaper to suit every one is
ALWAYS in some other business than
journalism. Boston TraUeiter.
Can your little brother talk now?"
Yes. He can say some words real
WELL" ''What are they?" Il don't
know. They're words never heard be-
fore. "-Harper's Young People.
"Sbouter seems to be very much in
tercsted in labor agitation" Yes; |
don't know of anything that seems to
agitate him more than the mere
thought of labor. = Washington Post
Miss CuLely What do Won regar1
as the most difficult step in the prog
ress of a diamond from the mine to
lady's inger?" -.Hustling for
the lucre to buy it. ''-Je,0elers' Weekly.
We've got a man down in Ken
lucky, sab. that's twice the wonder
spect?" He has gone fohty-eight
hours without whisky, sab. IN. Y.
San.
His Fiancee-"Are YOU sure you
would love me just as tenderly if our
conditions were reversed-if YOU were
rich and | were poor" c-"Reverse
our conditions and try me. "-Broobiyn
Life.
Tailor (to bad-paying dude)-"Now,
an entire suit would cost-well in GER
tain contingencies | might lose-sup-
pose instead of making the suit For
YOU Ilend you ten dollars? "-Fltegende
Batter.
Woman-.'Have you no trade?"
Hungry Higgins-''I used to be coal
dealer, mum. but | am IL weigh-fairer
now. Ha! ha! ha!' Woman-''What
are you laughing at?"-Indianapolis
journal.
De MaScus-"rm reading here about
the land of the midnight sun. but my
geography's weak. Where is the
pl,ce?" St. Agedore-"T The land of
the midnight sun? The saloon. of
course. st. Joseph NewS.
American (proudly)-"I understand
that all your sons are engaged to
American girls" Lord Toplofty-''All
Uul OHCy Tic ClutSt. Lie, otiHe uCll W
the estate, can afford to marry an Eng
lish girl.''-M \. Weekly,
Willie (who has eaten his apple)-
mabel, let's play Adam and Eve.
You be Eve and I'll be Adam" Mabel
ALI right. Weli?n Willie-"Now
you tempt me to eat your apple and
I'll succumb. The BOSt0nidn.
''On what ground, Mr.. Cautious, do
you propose to break our engage
ment?' There is no ground. Miss
Bellows; that's the trouble. | had
supposed. wien we became engaged,
you owned a large farm. The Epoch.
Mamma what is the use of keep
ing the whip you use on me behind the
motto. God bless our home'?" Can
you suggest a better place." Yes.
mamma; put it behind the motto. I