Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-03-29
CAYLOR'S RACY CHAT.
The Famous Baseball Writer Satirizes
Players characteristics : Cranks En-
Joined to Keep an Eye on the Pittsburg
Team This Season.

Joined to Keep an Eye on tne HlttsDurg
Team This Season.
rcoRRLsPoNDENcE OF THE DsPATcH.i
NEW YORK March 2S.-It has been a great
week in the workings of the whirling world.
MIR. Twobase Greatform came to town and re-
ported to his club for the season Of 1891
Mr.. Greatform spent the winter in Jayville,
where he had a lucrative clerkship in a black
smith shop, When his club manager wrote to
him few weeks ago and made a request that
he should report promptly, six suns after st.
Patrick's day. Mr.. :Greatform wrote back for
the price of transportation. He explained that
his winter earnings had all been invested in
poorhouse preferred bonds, and were not
available tor car fare.
was at the depot to welcome Mr.. Greattorm
when he arrived. The gentleman appeared
somewhat rocky on account of his inability to.
get much sleep in an upper berth OF the smok-
ing car. Having grown bald-heaued in the
service of the ball field, ne was unable to get a
scalper's ticket and, though first-class player,
be was forced to travel second-ciass or walk
quite distance.
Mr. Greatform never felt better in his life.
He is in superb condition, and will not have to
work off more than 40 pounds TO get down to
game of his life. Such at least is his present
intention. He believes his club will surely win
the championship, il the umpires give him half
a chance on balls and strikes. 1t should not be
troubled him last season is as good as it ever
was il not better; nor that he has not touched
a drop of liquor since last Saturday His eyes
are rudy: his cheeks are blue and he seems to
be the very ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
rest-of health.
High-priced Hitemhard writes that he cannot
possibly report before next Monday, as he has
Just purchased a railroad and will have to lift a
few of the first mortgages and refund some Of
the bonded Indebtedness.
Phenomenal Outcurve is expected to.mor-
row. Last Saturday he led to the altar Miss
Bridgie Gllhooly, the belle of Onion Cross
roads, where she moved in the best squares of
society," Mr.. and Mrs. Outcurve have rented a
cottage in Harlem and will keep house until
the basrers compel them to vacate.
The entire team will meet on Monday at the
grounds, when Captain Cantlose will take
charge and give them INSTRUCTIONS. he will in-
sist on every man doing his duty whether they
wiltor not, and will demand harmony. The first
member of the team caught In an attempt to
blow up a comrade with gun cotton or dynamite
will be fired.
All these things and many more of like inter-
est have been broken to the public in gentle
doses by the daily local papers.
And now all we have to do is to contain and
restrain our swelling souls for severaI weeks
while Greatforn. Hitemhard. Outcurve Can't
lose and the res of the darings get into par ex-
season. Then we'll hear the umpire yell: "PIay
-Streek-Ball tree-You's out-What's thati
Fine you tenr'
And the coacher's buzz-saw voice will make
the grand stand rafters rattle with 'Hi, there,
Jinl Now you're off I-Git-a-move-on-yer-
Look outi Whoa-Take more room-Go!-
Come back; slidei-Ah. who's holding yer?-
Never touched him, Phil say he didn'ti-
That's all right; why don't you make it fifty
You oughter be shoveling coal instead of tryin'
to umpire-You give me distress in my kid
neys-SeeW
a Perhaps the audience" may take a hand
occasionally and handy remarks like these.
"Now, Roger, home run-three strikes?
Well! Well! Well! Oh, you old stiff on third
where did you get that dub out in the fcIdP
Try liddlew1nks. Kill de umpire. RobberI
Thief! Natal Wow, WOW, wow!'
Before 1 forget it let me say that Smythe
of last years O'Neillets is still dis
engaged. He has had 13 offers from managers,
but doesn't want to be too hasty in signing. He |
would like to hear from a fourteenth club |
which is in need of frst-class player.
Mr.. Skycraper has been at Hot Springs all |
winter, and is entirely cured of his very bad |
case of rheumatism which he contracted last |
summer by remaining out too long in the night |
air. A great many ball players contract
rheumatism during their travels around the
country in the summer, and are compelled to
go to Hot Springs to boil 1t out. A all-player
with the rheumatism is of no account to him. |
self or his close acQuaintances
Mr.. Skyscraper said that he met Al johnson |
at the Springs. Al came the day before Sky |
scrapeF left and had taken one bath. 1t |
seemed to do Mr.. johnson some good and he |
thought he woul& be in splendid form by the |
18th proX. |
Mr. johnson contracted his rheumatism by |
contact with the cold ground on which he was
thrown so often during the winter, to say
nothing of the change of baseball localities in
which he has been residing of late.
All these things have given me pain, too,
and may have TO go to Hot Springs or Cold
Springs to soak 1t out.
And now we have the Gladiator and Gentle
Jeems added TO your collection of surprise
stars. Well, all I've got to say is the other
clubs must keep a weather eye cooked toward
Hanlon's men. That team is liable to make
trouble for the sure pennant winners If the
pitchers will do what is expected of them the
Pittsburgs will be in it right up near the 'front.'
And what queer sensation that will be for
you folks who live and have your existence at
the junction of the Allegheny aud Monongahela
riversi
The anticipation of such things is calculated
to spoil the fond memory of the lis heroes of
last season-weren't there lis of themf There
was something of that denomination belonging
to your last years club, am sure.
Pardon eccentricitles this week. took an