The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1891-07-02
PuNoENr ! PARAGRAPHS.

Mrs Parvenoo-"My daughter, En-
vtra, made her debris Ia society last
night" Wentman (politely) -..Yes; i
suppose there was frightful crush
N. Y. Telegram. s<'..
-Arabella- It true that Gracs
Stedley has eloped with her fathers
coachman" Felice-''O, no, she didn't
90 as we'll as that; he was only the foot
man. Epoch. =
e-Briggs-"Does your wife ever
threaten to go home to her mother? ;. ]
am willing to own that mine does"
Braggs-"No, she threatens to- send for
her mot':er. "-1ndianapolis journal.
Say, barber" said the victim to
the artist, you are using a different
brand OF shaving soap than you used
last week." ''Why do you think soo''
1T tastes different IN. Y. Recorder.
-"Did you" he asked in an intensely
sentimental tone, never sigh for
death?" ''Whose9' she inquired with
an interest and promptness that brought
him back to earth so fast that. he fairly
lost his BREATH Washington Post. !;
-Simpson has written new play.
III be there when it comes out and then
I'll have chance to get even with him."
said the critic "What have YOU got
against him?" against Simpson? WIN.
man. owe him $50. IN. Y. Continent.
"A Satisfactory Apology-Mr. Figg
Laura tells me that you were sere-
nading her last night" Nudge -
'"Well?" Mr.: Figg II just came
around to apologize for throwing that
hair brush at you. You see, thought
1t was the dog. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Where the Fun Came In.-'.Some Of
the college boys got badly hurt yester-
day night" whats the matter?"
They had baseball match, YOU SEE"
lhey must have played desperate
game. 20, they wern't hurt in tho
game: it was in celebrating the victory"
-"lfe-'Did you change the dress
pattern and blow the man up for the
mistaken" Husband-''1 had it changed,
but the clerk declared that he knew
you were wrong" Wife-"Well, what
did you do about it?'' Husband (erimlv>
~ shook hands with him, '-Cloak
Review.
The Law Wouldn't Allow It.
You remember asking me to be your
wlfe?'' II do" ''And said couldn't
be your wife but would be a sister to
you" Yes" II have reconsidercd the
matter and am now willing to be your
wife" Excuse me, but it's too late,
The law wouldn't allow it. A man
can't marry his sister in this country"
IN. Y. Press.
The Unattaina ble.-She There.
haven't sharpened that lead pencil
rlght?' He-"Y-e-s." Shetland
can throw one stone straight, can't
l?' He Eyes, my dear" She
We'll, then! should like YOU to
tell me something else woman can't
DO He-'1 only know one thing, nv
dear and that is to tell conundrum
without forgetting either the question
or the answer. IN. Y. Continent.
"A small boy, in a composition upon
girl, writes: IF girl don't feel like
dong a thing you can't make her, no
matter whether she had orter or not
II she won't she won't, and she will get
ont of it somehow. That is all I know
ABOUT girls this time" And if this
boy marries three times and lives tn
ripe old age that will be all he will
ever know about girls.-N. Y. Recorder
She is not unknown in fashionable
society, her wealth drawing about her
a set of admiring followers. Lately she
mad some affection of the throat, and
called physician. After an examina.
ton, he said: MADAM, l shall have to
touch two or three of the affected spots
with nitrate of silver" 20, doctor
please don't do that" answered the "a,
tlent. use nitrate of gold; the ex-
pense is quite immaterial."- San Fran
cisco Examiner.