The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-02-20

"Air you Shaker, sir?' they axed.
"Wall my pretty dears, haven't ar
rayed my proud form in a long weslit
yit, but if they was all like you perhaps
I'd jine EN-. AS it is, I'm Shaker pro-
temporary"
They was full of fun. | seed that at
fust, only they was leetle skeery. l
tawt 'en Puss in the corner and sich like
plase, and we had nice time, keeping
quiet of course so the old man shouldn't
hear. When we broke up, seq l, "my
tions, hav you, to an innersent kiss at
partin!
"Yay," they sed, and ydyd
went up stairs TO bed. | spose I'd
been snoozin half an hour when was
woke up by noise at the door. sot
up in bed, leanin on my elSers and rub
bin my eyes. and | saw the follerin
picter The Elder stood in the doorway,
with taller candle in his hand. He
hadn't no wearin appeerel on except his
night close, which fluttered in the breeze.
He sed, You're man of sin!" then
groaned and went away.
/ went to sleep agin, and drempt Of
runnin OFF with the pretty little Shaker
esses mounted on my Californy Bar.
was woke up arly by the Elder. He sed
refreshments was reddy for me down
stairs. Then slyin was man of sin,
he went groanin away.
As was goin threw the entry to the
room where the witles was, cum across
the Elder and the old female I'd met the
night before, and what dye spose they
was up to? Huggin and kissin like
young lovers in their gushingist state.
Sez |, my Shaker trends, reckon you'd
better suspend the rules and git mar
ried."
"You must excoos Brother Uriah, sed
the female; "he's subjeck to fits and
haint got no command over hisself when
he's into EN-"
"Sartinly," sez l, 1--WE bin took that
way myself frequent"
You're Il man of sinr' said the Elder.
Arser breakfast my little Shaker
trends cum in agin to clear away the
dishes.
my pretty dears," sez l, "shall we
gay agin:"
May" they sed, and l nay'd.
The Shakers axed me to go to their
meetin, as they was to hav sarvices that
mornin, so put on clean billed rag and
went The meetin house was as neat as
a pin. The floor was white as chalk and
smooth as glass. The Shakers was all
on hand, in clean weslits and meal bags,
ranged on the floor like milingtery COM
panies, the mails on one side of the room
and the females ON tother. They COM
menst clappin their hands and singin
and dancin. They danced kinder slow
at fust, but as they got warmed up they
shaved it down very brisk, tell you.
Elder Uriah in particler, exhiberted
right smart chance of spryness in his
legs, considerin his time of life, and as
he cum bubble shuttle near where
sot, rewarded him with a approvin
smile and sed: "Hunky boy! Go it, my
gay and festiv cuss!"
You're man of sin!" he sed, contin-
nerin his shuttle
The Sperret, as they called it, then
moved IL short fat Shaker to say a few
remarks. He sed they was Shakers and
all was ekal. They was the purest and
Seleckest peple on the yearth. Other
peple was sinful as they could be, but
Shakers was all right. Shakers was all
goin kerslap to the Promist Land, and
nobody want going to stand at the gate
to bar 'em out, if they did they'd sit run
over
The Shakers then danced and sung
agin, and arter they was threw, one Of
em axed me what thwat of it.
Sez l, What duz it siggerfyT
"What?' sez he.
why this jumpin up and singin?
This long weskit bizniss, and this anty-
matrimony idee? My trends, you air
neat and tidy. Your lands is flowing
with milk and honey. Your brooms is
fine. and your apple sass is honest. When
man buys a keg Of apple sass Of you he
don't find a crate many shavins under a
few layers Of sass--a little Game I'm
sorry to say sum Of my New Englan an
cesters used to practiss. Your garding
seed is fine, and if | should SOW 'em on
the rock of Gibralter prohly l should
raise a good mess Of gariing sass. You
air honest in your dealins! You air
quiet and don't distarb nobody. For all
this givs you credit But your religion
is small pertaters, l must say. You
NOPE away your lives here in single
retchidness, and as you air all by your
selves nothin ever conhicks with your
pecoolcr idees, except when Human
Mater busts out among you, as under
stan she sumtimes do. l Civ Uriah
sly wink here, which made the old fell
low squirm like speared Eel.
"You wear long weskits and long
faces, and lead gloomy life indeed. No
children's prattle is ever hearn around
your harthstuns-you air in dreary fog
all the time, and you treat the jolly sun
shine of life as tho it was a thief, drivin
it from your doors by them weskits, and
meal bags, and pecooler noshuns of
yourn. The gals among you, sum Of
which air as slick pieces of caliker as
ever sot eyes on, air syin to place their
heds agin weskits which kiver honest,
manly harts, while you old heds fool YER
selves with the idee that they air full