The Mt. Sterling advocate., 1891-02-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

VIII AND WISDOM.
On a regular Plan-"Ifow does Hen
Peck take married lih?' "Oh. /
guess he takes IL according TO dircc-
tions."
The man who dyes iis whi1kers
couldn't Gnd an easier way of telling
people more about himself, without
going to great deal more expense.
Father D. y.;; ;iiak= expenses lii
Chicago? Son--Do /? Well, should
say so. Imake more expenses tlan
you or / will ever be able 10 pay.
Light.
Gle shouldn't say shoulder arms TO
those cavalrymon." "Why not ?"
"Tley have noihii g but swords. Ho
ought TO say shoulder blades. ."-[New
York Sun.
did you go to the watcrcolor cxli-
bition, Mrs. Spriggins? p ayes; and
it was ridiculous. never saw no
waller the color of them there pain
titus. - IIarper's Bazar.
Tax PAYER (shivering)-I cant af-
ford to buy suili 'icnt Undertaking at
sfcKinTFg prices aud I'm all in chill.
Great Statesman-.Gdrs-a cTTfT. cffsY
Well, there's 10 duty on quininc.
I-[Epoch.
Where the foolishness Comes In.
II think these type writer jokes are
awfully foolish" They are for
fact. My wife comes to the office once
a week ever since the papers began
printing them.
as there stationery store in
town?' asked a visitor in Kansas
hotel.
No, sir" replied the clerk, as hc
shook his head this town is in the
cyclone belt
ChSlkcrly-Ah, sir, that dinner coat
l built for you was an inspiration! 1
was en- rapport with the subject when
| made it. Imagined myself at din
ncr! Caustiquc-Ycs, it fits me as
though it was cut with knife and
fork.-[Clothicr and Furnisher.
Drummer Go country merchant y
''lIow is biz, Mr.. Sharpe 2"
Cant complain. Just made $5.'
"IIow was that?'
Man wanted ....-.. 70 get trusted to
| par's-z''NE,' ootss ands SupR At let hin
hay" .'--[Salt rihIe Tribune.
Tommy (alter watching the bride
aud groom come down the aisle)-
"Hm never going to get married"
NOther--"Why not, dear?"
Tommy-"Just look at those two.
She is crying, and he looks sorry al
rcady."-[Puck.
The Rev. Sam Jones says: "I was
preaching The other day in Palestine,
Texas, and | asked the Methodist
preacher how much they paid him.
He replied $l,jC0. asked the Dap-
tist preacher how much they paid him,
and he replied, $l,0C0. said, that IS
all right, you can ship onc-third
cheaper by water than You can by
land"
MADAM said the Judge, sterplyy/
"Nou must answer the question.
What is your agc?' IL was born tho
same year your Honor was. Thar
would make me about-''It isn't nee
essary to go into particulars" inter-
posed the Judge, stiflly. Gentlemen,
have you any further use for the Wit
ness? You may stand aside, madam
--lChicago Tribune.
lie stepped iauutily out of tue pa
trol wagon when it stopped in front of
the station house, and inquired: "Is
there more than one Police Judge, IN
this town?' "No;' was the reply.
Then there amt much choice as TO
where you get tried, is there 2" lie
mused, "ls this one of the kind that
likes to tell funny stories?' Il guess
50, What do YOU want to know for?"
well, Cap, III tell you if you can
only get the judge to tell funny
story and sthen laugh at it yourself
right hearty like, it means slight SELL
tcnce, suN 1t was a knowledge of
qui,od pna by ssa,{i ss,"sSi1sss'' ..ss,ssts'
i Washington Post.
Dsath Warning.