The record-union., 1891-09-05
HOFFMAN CHANGING base.
He Leaves Ventura County Amid
Tears and S0bs.
What viii Los Angeles Do With Hims
Heartfelt Words Spoken to Young
Men Who Want to be Reporters
Chances of Promotion.

| Especial correspondence of RECoRD-UNIoN.
This is very sad day for Ventura
| County. The sun came up in detected
way, and peeked dimly through the foggy,
tear-laden atmosphere. The breeze
sobbed as it swept through the fields of
corn, and sighed despondently among
the beans. The tide came in with a sullen
roar of discouragement, and then went
out again.
| All nature is in mourning hereabouts.
! And why?
| Because am going away.
Aye, l am about to evaporate, pIunk
myselfinto the most voluptuous seat in the
T. O'Clock train and light out for Los An
| geles, where great preparations for my
reception are even now in progress.
All day long members of the Farmers
Alliance, the Ventura County Geological
Society, the Society for the Amelioration
Of the INDECENT Greaser, the Society Of
Truth, the Kangaroo Lodge of Jolly Boys
of the Old Mission, the Consolidated Real
Estate Transfer Companies, the Philhar-
monic Society, the Young Ladies' Own
! Club, the Mutual Consent Bureau and
! several other orders and organizations
have been dropping into my study, wish
ing me luck, shedding few tears on the
! bouttonalre OF my coat, begging for lock
OF my hair and departing with groans Of
anguish.
| l am very sorry that / cannot remain
in Ventura County. l have often felt
sorry when leaving other counties, but /
! feel extraordinary sorry now. / have
! paid cash for everything in this county
except watermelons, gnats, mosquitoes,
rattleSnakeS, three bilious attacks and
/ the diarrhea. l shall leave behind me no
| bills, which will be very great matter
! for surprise to myself. But it shall never
! happen SO again. / won't do it any more
| pom honor.
In Ventura County l have thoroughly
| enjoyed myself, after fashion. have
wandered through the old church ward
! by the ancient mission; l have tramped
over the bones fthe $3.50 good Injuns that
! lie therein, and have unused and specu-
lated upon the thrifriness of the man who
| Summer-fallowed the boneyard last sum-
mer and harvested an enormous yield of
! barley hay among the stones and bones
| this season; l have perambulated around
| the old schOolhOuse wherein / re-
ceived many beneficent hastings: | have
seen my old schOOlmate, the Sheriff, who
/ did not ask me to visit him, but allowed
me to inspect the Jail; / have met old
| friends who were really and truly glad to
! see me; L have hShed from the wharf and
caught a fish as long SIS my finger: /
! have delyed among the hills and found
! petritied fish, shells, sharks, whales and
a sea serpent; / have stuffed myself with
raw clans, muSsels and periwinkleS; [
| have gathered sea moss until the Board
of Health stopped me; l have shed tears
over the grave of good old Deacon Hick-
inson, who gave me a load of bird-shot
once, and which l still carry concealed
| about my person; / have scrubbed my
! self with natural soap; / have frolicked
with gnats until my ears are mere stubs;
| have studied the sOnOrous language Of
| the greaser; l have pondered by the
! grave of Carmencita and sat on the stone
whore jeff. Howard sat when he drew
! his forty-rod limit and conversed with
! the Sheriff. have had hilarious time,
| indeed.
L do not go willingly from the sacred
precincts of Ventura County. I would
rather stay all summer, but business is
business, and 1 must away, etc. L shall
go with tear as big as a doughnut in
each eye, however.
| Perhaps, it strikes me, have not done
! justice TO Ventura County while here.
Perhaps l have not written up all that l
should have written. PERHAPS I have
/ overlooked something in my careless
way. Perhaps l have been too strictly
truthful. But / assure you l have tried
| to evade the odious truth whenever DOS
sible. have lied to the very best of my
ability, and If have not pleased the pa
! tient, long-suffering friends of my youth
! l can't help it. l may be able to do
! better when / come again.
| Los Angeles, am informed by dis
! patch from the Chief of Police, is getting
ready for me. The bands are hard at
work on See, the Cankered Hero
Comes" and the Y. NJ. C. a, Y. NJ. /.
and w. c. I. L. are decorating their
rooms, the Salvation Army is practicing
new steps, and Go Sin is giving his laun-
! dry q dose of whitewash. The welcom-
! ing ode is being rehearsed, and the street
! sprinkleTs are being drilled regularly.
There is also large amount of 5 wagered
as to which hotel l shall stop at, and all
the restaurants have added fish to their
able suppressed excitement, and several
additions have, in quiet, unoStentatious
way, been made TO the police force.
After the circus is over l will give you
a brief description of it.
Ventura County has been for eight
! weeks the scene of various religious do
! ings. Canp-meetings reVivalS, Holiness
Band meetings, regular services, etc,
constantly at hand. In that part of the
Santa Clara Valley known as the Cienega
| there is not more than one unregenerate
sinner left, and he is going away forever
he is going down to Los Angeles, where
! the people are waiting for him.
| came very near going into the news
| paper business at Ventura. That city has
a population of about $500 and has four
| papers, three weellies and one daily
This is not enough. There should be five
or six more among which to divide the
county printing, the city printing and
the job work which comes in OCCASION
ally. But the four journals, the Free
Press, Democrat, UnU and Observer,
manage among them to handle the enor-
nous quantity of printing the county re-
quires, and find space somehow for the
vast amount of news which their vigilant
reporters bring in with handcarts, sleds
and stone boats. 1t is pretty rough on
the reporters, however, and every now
and then one of them fags out, gets pallid
and haggard, lies down peacefully on the
lmposing-stone and dies with sad, sweet
smile around his mustache. But the peo-
pie must have the news, and there are
always noble heroes in Ventura ready TO
jump into the breaches left by the dead
! reporters.
had with me when I came a printing
outfit, with which l sometimes marked
my underwear, and had great notion
to start paper with it, but the Observer
got there ahead of me. / gave the ouJfit
to the editor of the Ojai RecuYrent, and he
moved to Ventura for more ample ac-
commodatiOns and brought forth the
INIT. | am now on the lookout for quiet
little burg where there will not be so
much brain fag, and when [ find it shall
issue the ILLUSTRATED Daily Leg.' One
feature of journalism in Ventura is the
peculiarly piquant havoring of the edi-
torial and local columns, a peculiarity
and piquancy which is now as rare as it
is refreshing, and which does good to the
heart of the trammeled journalist of the
| metropolitan press, who must confine
himself to the stilted phrasing of modern
times. But in Ventura there are no
strings, nor flies, on the journalist. He