The critic., 1891-01-26
An Indiana Exchange.
From lie New Yorh Tribune.

The great struggle for matrimonial adj
justment goes on. The latest case of in
terest is reported from that home of easy
matrimonial adjustment the State of III
diana. and, while not altogether Il success
as yet, will no doubt end to the satisfac-
ton of those involved.
Frank Helms lives at Williamsburg and
Daniel Smith at Carlos City. They met
recently in the Farmers Home Hotel in
Columbus. They were not acquainted,
but in the evening, after abusing the Gov
ernment for an hour or so, and telling
about the hardest winter they ever re-
membered, their conversation driftcd to
the subject of wives. Each announced,
as q matter of course, that he was dissatis-
fled with his wife, Smiths grievance was
that his wife lacked energy and decision
of character. she was too meek and mild,
and not woman calculated to grapple
with the stern realities of life in Indiana
and come out victorious.
OF course, Smith admired woman of
exactly the opposite temperament. "What
like IN woman," said Smith to Helms,
sis life and get-up-and-get. want her to
have mind of her own, and temper of
her own, too for that matter, and to be
able to bring little stir and pop into
household. i admire pop, but there is no
pop in my family. What l want is pop
with two big P's and stable or
Helms looked at Smith moment and
said that he was not worshiper of that
kind Of woman, though he had one for a
wife. What he admired was mildness
and serenity in a woman. He liked these
clinging. helpless, vine-like women.
''But, I" he said, looking at Smith closely,
''if you are hunting for pop, you want
my wife. She will bring pop into your
house with circus-poster letters q foot
high. She isall pop, and last week she
chased tramp ont of the yard and hit him
with an old wheelbarrow handle when he
jumped over the garden gate so you could
hear the crash u hundred yards"
Helms carried one of his arms in n sling,
and as lie nursed it he continued eloquent
on the subject of his wifc's great force of
character. She always got up, he said, at
| 5o'clock in the morning and was master
of the situation till II at night. 1t was
| all a mans life was worth TO "track i'm
| with her seventeen years and had never
| yet dared to tell her that her cooking was
not so good rs his mothers though that
| was his honest opinion. Her cooking
looked good, but it didn't have the taste
that his mothers had When Helms
| finished Smiths face glowed with satis-
faction. He extended his hand and said:
"Thats the woman want. Let's swap
| Helms took the proflered hand-and replied
that he would be only too glad to do so.
Smith agreed to throw in four children
| and small farm, and Helms said that he
| would put in the same number of chill
| dren and house and lot in Williams
burg.
They went out together and hunted up
| Justice of the Peace Rush and requested
him to draw up the necessary papers TO
make everything legal and binding.
| Judge Rush put on his spectacles and
hunted through his library two hours.
Then he laid the book down and told the
disappointed men that the exchange
could not be made They withdrew and
court for a divorce on The ground of cruel
and inhuman treatment and then marry
according to the first agreement. Each
has retained a lawyer and no doubt the
programme will be carried out. The
women are said TO be also heartily in
favor Of the arrangement.