The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1891-07-16

sh5 eS; COlQ you SO TWICE.
We'll, just mention to Lemp, when
you see him, that I have had three
fsschooners Of his incompatible beer"
and he strolled out just in time to
mss being overt aiken by the bung
starter.
What the Father Meant.
A young fellow, and not the most
provident one in town either, has a
best girl on Third street and he went
up to see her one evening recently.
During the first few minutes, and un-
til the accident happened, the young
ladys small brother assisted in enter
tanning them both by his innocent
and childlike questions Away so in
teresting to a visitor especially on
such an occasion.
"You got a watch?" asked the
boy, after he had made more inquir-
les than ever an assessor made.
/ eyes," and the young man pulled
out a very nice little IL karat gold
ticker which the boy seized upon.
| "Does it run?" s@-a,
| "Certainly." s.a.. ........a . =
~ didn't know watches run when
they got wet" FIJI r..
"Well this one amt wet" E..
/ "Neyer wasn't wet?'' asked the
boy. '.r
"Not that I know Of" .raa ...... e..
s'Then what did papa mean when he
told sister you had your watch soak
ed about half the time" Detroit
Free Press.
Everybody Could Be Happy.
''This is my busy day." ''Time is
money!" and various other appro-
pirate notices were hung about the
walls OF his Office, but the inevitable
bore obtruded himself just the same,
and as he turned on his revolving
chair you might have seen locks OF his
hair shrivelling up and dropp ing out
as he rushed toward premature bald
ness.
GLOW do you do?" said the caller.
1--WE got just word or so to say to
YOU"
delighted, I am sure, to hear them,
but" ..# 90 ."..
"Oh it won't take long"
"Won't it? Well, I'll tell you what,
You go out into the next room and
SIT down at the graphone and say it.
whenever you WANT more cylinders
just ring the bell; and don't be afraid
to let yourself loose. Just as soon as
get time III grind it out again. and in
the meantime we can both be hap.
py.'-Washington Post.
Obeying Orders.
Mistress: "Bridget, can't get into
the parlor."
Bridget: "Sure it's mesilf knows
that; an We won't, fur I have the kay
in me pocket!
Mistress: open the door immedi-
atelyp' = 5 - $780, So, :.
Bridget: "Will you go in if 1 do?"
Mistress: Certainly, will!'' .......
Bridget: ''Then ye don't get the
kay" - ~
Mistress: "Open the door immedi-
ately! What do you mean?"
Bridget: "Sure it's by your orders!
Ye said, yesterday, "Don't let me
come downstairs in the mornin' an
see any dust on the parlor furniture.''
SO l just puts the kay in my pocket
an says l, Then she won't!"
When in Doubt Fresh Dealt
Result of recent political events in
Bulgaria: revival OF the bastonnade.
Asoldier condemned to receive twenty
five strokes with a whip, is handed
over to a couple of comrades who
have orders to strike alternately. A
dispute arises at the eleventh stroke.
"That makes ten,' said one.
r "Twelve!" replies the other.
"Ten!"
"Twelve!
II say, let us start afreshr'-La
Monde Illustre.
Wanted Revenge,
Tradesman, to old gentleman who
has purchased a lawn mower: eyes,
sir, III oil it, and send it over imn,-''
Customer, imperatively: "No, no,
no!-it mustn't be oiled! / won't have
it oiled! Mind that! I want noisel And
look here-pick me out q nice rusty
one. My neighbours children boot
and yell till ten O'Clock every night,
so'-viciously-"I mean to cut nv
grass from four till six every morn.
ing!'' e.. .
The Missing Information.
First Lady: "Well, Emma, WHAT'S
it you are looking for so anxiously in
your cookerybook?' "...
Second ditto (newly married):"Ach,
our silly cook is stopping out SO late,
and my husband says he would like
to eat some radishes I can not
find in the whole'book any directions
how to cook them!'''-Creuznacher
Anzeiger.
Didn't Want a Muss.
The Reckless Sutton: "If you don't
accept me nv death will lie at vonr