The record-union., 1891-10-24
ON THE CARS.
The Sad Story of a Baggage Masters
Fall from Grace.
An Ancient Prank Revamped and
Played Upon Hotel Man-Mar-
riage Failure.

AS the car whirled around the corner, a
gang OF men were observed putting down
a new switch. One of the men, it was
plain to see, was not satisfied with his lot.
The deacon, who had left the car at this
point, became interested in this man.
You appear to be somewhat sad" said
the deacon; ''any misfortune overtake
your"
Well" said the man, leaning on his
shovel and heaving sigh, "Tm not used
to this kind of work. have fallen from
the station in life 1 once held. used to
be head baggage-master at railroad
depot-big salary, lots of men under me,
and in reality monarch of all surveyed,
SO l thought. But one day 1 fell from
grace. l had just showed trunk off the
top of large pile of 'em, and it came
down with great crash. There was a
quiet-looking old man with whiskers
standing near, and he asked me if was
trying to break the trunk. OF course,
became indignant, that any ordinary
mortal should talk to me in that man
ner,
"'What if am trying to p said, glow
ering at the meddlesome individual
Does the trunk belong to your
No said the stranger, quietly, but
this road does.'
81 bought a ticket for the West a week
later. There was no more work for me
there.'
The deacon walked up the street, mus
ing over the fallen baggage-master's
troubles, and come to another batch of
laborers who were engaged in grading
an alley. Here he discovered another
sad looking man.
Pray what may your trouble be-"
quoth the deacon in his kindest tones.
Have you, too, seen better days?"
Nope"
Don't you like your present job?"
Nope"
WHAT'S the matter-wages too low?"
Nope"
Mean boss?"
Nope
What's the matter with the job then?''
It's de-grading.n
The deacon saw the point, and if he had
not been a temperance man the shoyeler
would have fallen in for schooner.
Marriage may make two one," said
the groom as he walked away from the
ticket office, "but it don't work worth a
cent when it comes to buying railroad
tickets"
A venerable practical joke was resur-
rected and played on good-natured ho-
tel proprietor, whose caravansary is not a
great way from Ninth street, the other
evening.
He was exhibiting a brand new plug
hat. Which he had purchased for the Odd
Fellows parade, when a well-known
contractor offered to wager four bits that
he could mix up milk punch in the hat
without soiling it.
The hotel man is noted for taking up all
the soft snap bets that come his way.
and covered the contractor half dollar in
twinkling.
The would-be sleight-of-hand man
called for some milk. sugar, rum and
other necessary Ingredients, and dumped
them into the new hat. He stirred them
up thoroughly and then poured the mix
ture out into glass, pronouncing it COM
plete,
''Yes, but look at that hat, though"
and mushy tile.
The contractor scratched his head and
looked worried. "Well,n he said. At
guess missed it that time. You win the
money"
The duped hotel man picked up the
htty-cent piece, looked at his new hat and
then pelted both at the contractor. He
didn't even setemup.
They We're discussing politics and the
outlook for the next National struggle.
Il have studied the situation thor
oughly," said the Republican, land I am
satisfied that Cleveland will not be in it."
Why not?" asked the Democrat.
"0h, he's too indlscreet in politics.
We'll, p" said the hopeful Democrat. she
may be lndiscreet, but it certainly cannot
be said that he is Ruthless
"Well, I declare ~ exclaimed a Young
lady just from the East to a companion
as they rode out in an O-street car the
other day. What funny things they do
in Californian
Her Sacramento companion stared
about, but saw nothing unusual. "What
is it that strikes you as being so funny ?ii
Why, look at that laundryman's
wagon! Read the sign on its side, There's
man who appears TO be in the business,
and yet warns people not to patronize
him -
The Sacramentan read in big characters
on the Chinaman's wagon:
Shun Lee-washer and ironer.n
Notarial Appointments.
fol