Connecticut western news., 1891-05-06

those is. It's popler noospaper frase.
 Listen to my tail, and be silent that ye may here. I've been among the Se- seshers a earnin my daily peck by my legitimit perfeshun, and havn't had no time to weeld my facile quill for "the Crate Komick paper" if you'll allow me to kote from your troothful advertise ment.
 My success was skaly, and likewise had . narrer scape of my life. If what I've bin threw is ''Suthern hospitality" bout which we've hearn so much, then I feel bound to obsarve that they made two much of me. They was altogether too lavish with their attenshuns.
 Iwent amung the Seseshers with no feelins of annermosity. I went in my perfeshernal capacity. was actooated by one of the most Loftiest desires which can swell the human Buzzum-viz., to giv the people their moneys worth. by showin them Sagashus Beests, and Wax Statoots, which venter to say air on- surpast by any other statoots anywheres. I will not call that man who sez my statoots is humbugs Her and hoss thief, but bring him be4 me and I'll wither him with one of my scornful frowns.
 But to proseed with my tail. In my travels threw the Sonny South heared g heap of talk about Seceshon and bustin up the Union, but I didn't think it mounted to nothin. The politicians in all the villages was swearin that Old Abe (sometimes called the Prahayrie fower) shouldn't never be noggerated. They also made fools of theirselves in varis ways, but as they was used to that I didn't let it worry me much, and the Stars and Stripes continued for to wave over my little tent. Moor over, was Son of Malty and a member of several other Temperance Societies, and my wife she was Dawter of Malty, and sposed these fax would secoor me the in- foonz and and pertectiun of all the fust families. Alas! I was dispinted.
 State arter State seseshed and it growed hotter and hotter for the under sined. Things came to climbmacks in 8 small town in Alabamy, where was premtorally ordered to haul down the Stars 6 Stripes. A deppytashun of red faced men cum up to the door of my tent ware I was standin takin money (the afternoon exhibishun had com menst, an my Italyun organist was ierkin his sole-stirrin chimes). We air cum, Sir," said millingtary man in cockt hat, ''upon high and holy mishun. The Southern Eagle is screamin threwout this sunny land-proudly and defantly screamin, Sir!"
 l,s T.. "don't his vittles sit well on his stum muck?"
 ''That Eagle, Sir, will continner to scream all over this Brite and tremenjus landr
 "WaI, let him scream. If your Eagle can amuse hisself by screamin, let him wentr' The men annoyed me, for was bizzy mahn change.
 'We are cum, Sir, upon a matter of
 "You're right, Capting. It's every mans dooty to visit my show," sed I.
 "We air cum
 "And that's the reason you are here!" sez I, lar6n one of my silvery larfs. I thawt if he wanted to goak I'd giv him some of my sparklin eppygrams.
 ''Sir, you're inserlent. The plain ques- ton is, will you haul down the Star Spangled Banner and hist the Southern fag2"
 "Nary histr' Those was my reply.
 "Your wax works and beests is then confsticated, 6 you air arrested as a Spyr'
 Sez I, My fragrant roses of the Southern cline and Bloomin daffodils, what's the price of whisky in this town, and how many cubic feet of that seduct- i've fooid can you individually holdT'
 They made no reply to that, but said my wax fggers was confsticated. axed them if that was ginerally the stile among thieves in that country, to which they also made no reply, but sed was arrested as a Spy, and must go to Mont gomry in iuns. They was by this time jined by large crowd of other South ern patrits,t who commenced hollerin ''Hang the baldheaded abolitionist, and bust up his immoral exhibition!" I was ceased and tied to stump, and the crowd went for my tent-that water proof pavilion, wherein instruction and alnoosment had been so muchly com bined, at 15 cents per head-and tore it all to pieces. Meanwhile dirty faced boys was throwin stuns and empty beer bottles at my nassiv brow and takin other improper liberties with my person. Resistance was useless, for a variety of
 reasons, as readily obsarved. The Seseshers confsticated my statoots by smashing them to attums. They then went to my money box and confsticated all the loose change therein contained. They then went and bust in my cages,
 lettin all the animals loose, a small but
 helthy tiger among the rest. This tiger
 has eccentric way of tearin dogs to
 eral conduck that he'd hay no hesitashun
 in servin human beins in the same way
 if he could git at them. Excuse me if I
 was crooil, but I larfed boysterrusly when see that tiger spring in among
 the people. "Go it, my sweet cussr' I inardly exclaimed. "I forgive you for
 bitin off my left thum with all my heartl Rip 'em up like bully tiger whose Lare has bin invaded by Sesehersr' I can't say for certain that the tiger serisly injured any of them, but as he
 was seen a few days after, sum miles dis
 tant, with large and well selected as-
 sortment of seats of trowsis in his mouth, and as he lookt as tho he'd bin havin sum
 vilent exercise, I rayther guess he did.
 You will therefore perceive that they
 didn't confsicate him much. Twas carrid to Montgomery in iuns and placed in durans vial. The jail was
 . onery edidss, but the table was ib- l enA110 suznlisd with Ha1in and Qnh-