San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1891-10-03
JOHN SMITH.
BY WILL BUMBARGER.

THE Smith famil y is LEGION, and
john is the favorite family name. In
fact, no well regulated community
will pretend to do business and
collect its taxes without q John
Smith.
The first John Smith we have a
recollection of meeting in person was
in Illinois, when we were tramp
printer. He was farmer, and an
elder in the Presbyterian church.
We marched ourselves and our weeks
growth OF whiskers, up in front of
his gorgeous farmhouse in true mill
tary style, and asked for nights
lodging. This was denied us with a
side remark: 1 am tired of so many
tramps. We enjoyed the hOspitali-
ty of John Smiths straw-rick that
night, and were Chased off the farm
the next morning by Smiths stepson
and a shepherd dog with ring
around it's neck.
The next time We met John Smith
was at college. His chief ambition
at school was to fish, fiirt with girls
and spend his fathers, money. After
six weeks course at college John was
taken home and put to milking the
cows and assisting the hired man in
undressing the corn crop.
Smiths tonic Is made by John
Smith. 1t will cure the swamp fever
II clean celluoid collar. To be we'll
shaken before taken.
John Smiths bile beans are often
mistaken for navy bean or a shirt
button. But the same mistake is
never made the second time by the
same person.
In Quincy John Smith is practtc.
ing physician. He carries his pill
bags in one hand and his account
book in the other. All OF his patients
either die or recover
In Kansas City he is lawyer with
a pig practice and dun buggy
horse.
In Wichita he superIntends the
cemetery and keeps the Arkansas
river from backing the colored popu.
lation into the peoples party.
AT Musk0gee he is deputy mar.
shall and owns silent interest in a
blind tgef-just interest enough to
keep John silent
At Fit. Smith John Smith is on
guard behind the bars. IJ is hard 20
tell whether John on the outside
ought 10 De on the inside or whether
John on the inside ought to be Oh the
outside. When he isn't in the dOrk
you can generally find him on the
jury ar keeping time for the fire de-
partment.
At Little Rock John Smith breaches
the gospel and feeds cotton GIN
Down at Hot Springs ne il a b im
per and boarding house keeper.
He tieeces you both ways, and If you
get out Of town with your vest you
can thank your suspenders for small
favOrs
Over at Memphis he shoots crap:
and sleeps on the wharf, when it is
hot enough TO melt dogs nose in
an ice box.
In Nashville John Smith keeps
hotel. There is, but OF g man in III,
state that feeds his boarders tough
er beet than landlord Smith and tina
is the peniteDhary warden.
AT Chattanooga he drives dra,
and Hes about the height OF LOOkOu
MOuu'a'n aud the mum Der a. men n,
killed al the battle ol ,.';.sioi
Ridge.
AT Knoxville he is a hotel p,r.a.
and 1t was his special mission to se
that the guests miss their trains an
don t Kick because they are left he
hind.
At Richmond he Is center fielde
in the Cumberland Presbyterio
choir.
At Washington he is the gnId
about the White Hous grounds
usher at the capital and do0rkeepe
at the monument. Beware of In
Washington John Smith if you hav
any money. If you have none h
will save you the trouble and bewar,
of you.
At Cincinnsti John Smiths chit
ambition is to raise hi in Hamilto
county.
At Chicago John Smith is a reput