The Russellville Democrat., 1891-07-09

1
those is. It's popler noospaper Erase.
Listen to my tail, and be silent that
We may here. I've been among the Sc
seshers a earnin my daily peck by my
legitimit perfeshun, and havn't had no
time to weeld my facile quill for "the
Grate Komick paper" If You'll allow me
to kote from your troothful advertise
ment.
My success was skaly, and ! likewise
had narrer scape of my life. II what
I've bin threw is southern hospitality
bout which we've hearn SO much, then
feel bound to obsarve that they made
two much of me. They was altogether
too lavish with their attenshuns.
went amung the Seseshcrs with no
feelins of annernosity. ! went in my
perfeshernal capacity. was actooated
by one OF the most Loftiest desires which
can swell the human Buzzun-viz., to
Civ the people their moneys worth, by
slowin them Sagashus Beests, and Wax
Statoots, which ! venter to say air on
sufpast by any other statoots anywheres.
| will not call that man who sez my
statoots is humbugs a lier and boss
thief, but bring him be4 me and I'll
wither him with one of my scornful
frowns.
But to proseed with my tail. In my
travels threw the Sonny South heared
a heap of talk about Secession and Dustin
up the Union, but didn't think it
mounted to nothin. The politicians in
all the villages was swearin that Old
Abe sometimes called the Prahayrie
fiower) shouldn't never be noggerated.
They also made fools Of themselves in
valis ways, but as they was use.l to that
Didn't let it worry me much, and the
Stars and Stripes continlel for to wave
ever my little tent. Moor over, was a
Son Of Mslty and member Of several
other temperance Societies. AMI my
wife she was Dawtar of Malty. and
sposel these fax woIld secoor me the in
floonz AMI and pertectiun Of all the fust
families. Alasl was dispinted.
State arter State sescshed and it
growed hotter and hotter for the under
sined Things came to clilnbmacks in
small town in Alabarny, where was
premtorally ordered to haul down the
Stars & Strips A deppytashun of red
faced men cum up to the door of my
tent ware | was standin takin money
fthe AFTERNOON exhibishun had com
menst, an my Italyun o-ganist was
jerkin his solc-stirrin chilnes) I'VE air
cum. Sir" said miliiagsary man in a
coclSt hat, ''upoa a high and holy
mishun. The Southern Eagle i3screamin
threwout this sunny land-proudly and
deiiantly screamin, SIR
Whats the matter with him.? SEE l.
don't his vittles sit well on his STUN
muck?'
THAT Eagle. Sir. will continner to
scream all over this Brite and tremenjus
landl''
wall let him scream. If your Eagle
can amuse hisself by screanin. let him
VENT The men annoyed me, for was
bizzy maxim change.
I'VE are cum. Sir. upon a matter Of
dooty'-
You're right. Capting. It's every
mans dooty to visit my show" sed l.
1--WE air cum
"And that's the reason you are herei"
SEE l, larfin one of my silvery larfs.
thawt if he wanted to COAX I'd Civ him
some Of my sparlSlin eppygrams.
'Sir. you're inserlent. The plain ques-
ton is, will yon haul down the Star
Spangled Banner and hist the Southern
dagl'
"Nary histr' Those was my reply. :
Your wax works and beests is then
s. you air arrested as
Spyr'
See l, MY fragrant roses of the
Southern cline and Blooinin daffodils.
what's the price Of whisky in this town.
and how many cubic feet of that seduct-
i've fiooid can you Individually holdY'
They made no reply to that, but said
my wax fggers was conisticated.
axed them il that was ginerally the stile
among thieves in that country, to which
they also made no reply. but sed was
arrested as Spy, and must go to Mont
gomry in iuns. They was by this time
jined by large crowd Of other South
ern patrits, who commenced hollerin
eHang the baldheaded abolitionist, and
bust up his immoral exhibition was
ceased and tied to q stump, and the
crowd went for my tent--that water
proof pavilion, wherein instruction and
had been 80 muchly COM
bined, at Is cents per head-and tore it
all to pieces. Meanwhile dirty faced
boys was THROWN stuns and empty beer
bottles at my massiv brow. and takin
other improper liberties with my person.
rstzsrstance was uscscss, for variety or
as readily obsarved.
The Seseshers confsticated my statoots
by smashing them TO attuIns. They then
went to my money box and confsticated
all the loose change therein contained.
They then went and bust In my cages,
Iettin all the animals loose, small but
helthy tiger among the rest. This tiger
has q eccentric way Of tearin dogs to
peaces, and alters sposed from his gin
sral conduck that he'd hav no hesitashun
IN servin human beins in the same way
II he could git at them. Excuse me If |
was crooil, but ! larfed boysterrusly
when see that tiger spring in among
the people. go it, my sweet cussF
hardly exclaimed. ~ forgive you for
bitin of my left thum with all my heart!
Rip 'em up like bully tiger whose Lare
has bin invaded by Sesehers"
can't say for certain that the tiger
serisly injured any Of them, but as he
was seen few days after. sum miles dis
amt, with large and wen selected as
,ortment Of seats Of trowsis In his mouth,
ind as he lookt as tho he'd bin havin sum
rilent exercise. rayther guess he did.
You win therefore perceive that they
didn't conhsticate him much.
was carrid to Montgomery ID iuns
md placed il durans vial The jail was