The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-03-27

While croSSln the Planes
all so bold l fell in with
e sum noble red men Of the
forest IN. B. This is rote sarcasticul
Injins is Pizin, whar ever found.) which
they Sed was their Brother, & wanted
for to smoke the Calomel of Peace with
me. Thay then stole my jerkt beef,
blankits, etsettery, skalpt my origin
grinder g. scooted with Wild Hoop
Durin the cheats techin speech he sed
he shood meet me in the Happy Huntin
Grounds. If he duz thar will be fite.
But enuf CT this ere. Reren Moose Nut
TONS as our skoolmaster, who has got
Talent into him, cussycally obsarve.
larrove at Salt Lake in doc time. At
Camp Scott there was lot of U. s.
sogers, hosstensibly sent out thare to
smash the morinons but really to eat
Salt vittles s. play poker g. other beauti-
full but sumwhat onsartin games; | got
acquainted with sum Of the officers.
Thay lookt pretty scrumpshus in their
Bloc coats with brass outings onto um
and ware very talented drinkers, but so
fur as fitin is consarned I'd willingly put
my wax figgers agin the hull party.
My desire was to exhibit my CRATE
show in Salt Lake City. SO called on
Brigham Yung. the CRATE mogull among
the mormins, and axed his permishun
to pitch my tent and onfurl my banner
to the jeutle breezis. He lookt at me in
austeer manner for few minits, and
ed:
DO you bleeve in Solomon, Saint
Paul, the immaculateness of the Nor
min Church and the Latter-day Revela-
shuns?"
Sez l, "rm on it!" Imake it pint to
git along plesunt, tho l didn't know
what under the Son the old feller was
drivin at. He sed mite show.
you air marrid man, Mister Yung
I bleeve" sez l, preparin to rite him sum
free parsis.
II hav eighty wives. Mister Ward.
sertinly am marrid."
How do you like it as far as you hev
got?' sed L
He sed "middlin,' and axed me
wouldn't I like to see his famerly, to
which l replide that wouldn't mind
minglin with the fair Seek g. Barskin in
the winnin smiles Of his interesting
wives. he accordingly TUX me to his
Scareum. The house is powerful big &
In exceedin large room his wives &
children, which larst was squawkin and
hollerin enuff to take the roof rite orr
the house Sum was pretty & sum was
Plane-sum was helthy and sum was on
the Wayne-which is verses, tho sich
was not my intentions, as don't prove
OF putin verses in Proze rittins, tho eff
occashun requires | can Jerk q Poim
ekal to any d them Atlantic Munthly
fellers
MY wives, Mister Ward" sed Yung.
Your sarvant, marms," sed /, as sot
down in cheer which a red-heded fe.
male brawt me-
Besides these wives you see here,
Mister Ward" sed Yung, 81 hav eighty
more in varis parts of this consecrated
land which air Sealed to me-"
which," sez l, gittin up.
Sealed. Sir! sealed"
WHARF bowtsl" sez l.
Il sed, Sir that they was sealedr He
spoke in traggerdy voice.
will they probly continner on in that
stile to any CRATE extent. SirY axed
Sir sed he, turnin as red as billed
beet, don't you know that the rules of
our Church is that l, the Profit, may hev
as meny wives as wants?"
"Jes So" l sed you are old pie,
amt your"
"Them as is Sealed to me-that is to
say, to be mine when wants unfair
at present my sperretooul wives" sed
Mister Yung.
Long may thay waver sez l. seein I
should git into scrape eff didn't look
out.
In privit conversashun with Brig
ham learnt the follerin fax: 1t takes
him six weeks to kiss his wives. He
don't do 1t only onct yere q sez it is
wuss nor cleanin house. He don't pre-.
tend to know his children, there is SO
many Of um, tho they all know him. He
sez about every child he meats calls him
Par, q he takes it for grantid it is so.
His wives air very expensiv. They alters
want suthin g. ef he don't buy it for um
thay set the house in uproar. He seq
he don't have minit's peace. His
wives fite amung themselves so much
that he has built a fitin room for thare
speshul benefit, 81 when too of em get
into a row he has EN- turned loose into
that place, WHARF the dispoot is settled
accordin to the rules Of the London prize
ring
Sumtimes thay abooz hisself individ-
ooally. Thay hev pulled the most of his
hair out at the roots & he wares meny q