davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
BRIGHT BITS.

WHERE are you going, my dear old maid?'
Pm looking for man. - she said.
''Wil you take me, my dear old maid?"
Yes; anybody, Lord!N she said.-Chicdoo
us THERE any game around heref' asked the
new arrival, who is fond of sport.
''Humphi" calculated the patriotic youth,
whats de matter with de base ball park!'-
Washington Post. q
COMMIT no breach of confidence when l as
sert that. in the opinion OF ex Senator Fsrwell,
President Harrison is no better than half a
pair Of dsGces after the drew, whatever that is
Detroit bfee Press.
C1rIzEx--7That last murder is the talk of the
town. Everybody seems excited.
Reporter-Everybodyl ''
CItizen-of course, mean everybody except
the police.--Good NeWs.
| BANKER-To what happy accident am l in
debted for the honor of your 7vistr
Lieutenant-To come to the point at once.
Herr Komrnerzienrat, appear before you as
| your future on-in-law.-DotJbdrbier
FULL many a eower is betn to blush unseen,
| And waste its sweetness on the desert air."
| Full many summer girl With cheeks of tan,
Is pining. waiting for the corning ~ man.
4rs ~ Brooklyn Eagle.
SPEAK gently; it is better far
To make a soft reply,
| Than to have a bigger fellow mar
The outlines of your1eye.
| -CtncinnGtE Commercial Gazette
EvAxeELIsr-All who wish to go heaven stand
/ up. What! You, young man tnere don't you
| want to go to heaven?
Young Man-Aw, 1 s-a-ay. why should 1?
live in New York, don't you know.-Colorddo
| Sun.
JACK, what did you do when refused you
| last Year,"
Il became desperate. Why. Nellie, darling, 1
| actually smoked whole cigarette
80, Jack! And to think drove you to it,
| Detroit Free Press.
LET LIE sEEl How many children have
your"
| "One"
"Ithought you had two"
| oh yes; 50 l have. l had forgotten the
| girl."-Lo1ueH Citizen.
UNCLE Tom Ia neutrality-suspicious. think,
Rose, dear. only five missionaries to $4,000 can
| nioals.
R7se-Goodness, how sad The poor can
| nibals will starve TO death, Surely they
could send them few more, uncle. -Munsey' s
| Weekly.
WHAT sort of a newspaper plant have you?'
asked the eastern man of the wild western
editor.
Il have been using Colts a." replied the
editor, modestly, but considering the Difficult
ties arising out the last campaign, have about
concluded to get a Winchester. Colo, ado Sun.
A TEACHER gave out words for analysis.
| "Bank-note' was one of them, and the teach
| er's astonishment may be imagined when one
| young lady brought the following unique
| analysis: Bank note is g compound, primitive
| word, composed of bank and note. Bank
| is a simple word, meaning the side of a stream
note, TO set down. 'Bang-note' to set down by
| the side of a tream."-Vinetdnd INDEPENDENT
FIRST DUDE-Hawl How do deah boy?
Second Dude -Hawl How do? Have you just
| died, too?
First Dude-Ya-as. Doocd boah.
Second Dude-Ya-as. Doocid. Going in?
| First Dude-Weally. don't know how can.
| Left my card case behind. doncherknow
| Second Dude-Haw! So did l. Doocid stu
| pidl
| AT this stage of the conversation they were
whisked onto the southern through express
| NeV York Herald.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEET1xGs-K. Of P. Tybee Club.
SPECIAL NoTIcEs-To All Whom it May Con
Germ. Emil A. Schwarz, Kontinually Kool Sodt
at Heidt's.
ADJUSTMENTS Mutuals VS.. Chatams at BASE
Ball Park this afternoon.
SAVANNAH PLucK-The Savannah Soap Works
INSURANCE -Semi-Annual State
ment OF the Condition of the United States
Branch Of the Thames and Mersey Marine and
Insurance Company Of Liverpool, England.
PAPA-B. II. Levy & Bro.
RAILROAD ScHEDULE-City and Suburban and
Coast Line Railroads
AUCTION SALEs-Meats, by l. D. LaRoche s
Son.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERrIsEMENrs-HelpW Want
81; Employm snt Want Sd; For Rent; For Sale;
Lost; Personal Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Whenever wheat prices are considerably
agitated it is always safe to depend that
"Old Hutch" is there or thereabout. During
the recent upward flight Of prices the old
man is said to have cleared cool and com
Portable 100000 In one week. How much
more he cleared cannot be estimated nor
ascertained. But he is certainly "on top Of
the market" again, and yet has wheat to
sell It's pretty bad year, indeed, when
they manage to down "Old Hutch"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Savannah sympathizes with Jacksonville
in her misfortune. Twice within q very
brief period has the Florida metropolis suf
fered severely from fire. She has conf
dence in her future, however, and the burnt
district will soon be covered with new and
better buildings. But she needs a larger
fire department. The one she has cannot
do much toward controlling fire after it
gets under good Roadway. 1t would be
money in the pockets of the Jacksonville
people to increase their fire service at the
earliest possible momant
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
MEDICAL.
HEALTH is WEALTH |

DR.. E. c. VESTS NERVE AND BRAIN TRF.r-
MENT, a guaranteed specific for Hysreria njz-i.
ness, Commissions. Fits Nervous NeuraI1 ~
Headache, Nervous Prostitution caused by the ,iSss
OF alcohol or tobocco. Wakef1ness Mental nc
preston. Softening of the Brain. resulting in in
sanity and leading to misery decay and death
Premature Cd Age. Bsrrenness. Loss of Pow
orrhoea caused oy over-exerton of the brain 80
abuse or over-indulgenca. Each box contains
one months treatment. 81 90 box. or six bora-
for S. o. seot Nv mai praDaid on recetnt NJ prics
WE GUARANTEE SIX BOXES
To cure any case. With each order received bv
Us for six boxes, accompanied with s. o. We
wi send the purchaser our written guarantees
to refund the money if the treatment does not
effect q cure Guarantees issued only by THE
HEIDI DRUG CO.. Sole Agents. Savannah, ca,
For Chatting, Prickly Heat, use Boracine Toilet
Powder. % cents.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Considering the manifold infirmities
generally accredited to the members of the
grand army" the number of deaths from
their ranks is phenomenally small. Out Of
total membership of 444, 307 the reported
number of deaths for the past year was but
$3.50. That is far below the average pro-
portion of general population. Beyond a
doubt the grand army" statistics must be
grossly incorrect. Either the crippled
veterans are rendered much more hardy by
their hurts or else the pension agents can
not afford to allow their death to go upon
record lest that might injure the pension
business.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Although socialists claim that thew do
not believe in organized institutions they
are sufficiently Inconsistent to hold what
they call a congress at Brussels. They seem
to be trying to initiate the Ton Reed order
of congress by firing rough-hewn epigrams
around and bouncing hard and unusual pro-
jectiles upon each others heads. But that's
their idea Of free government They favor
one Of those absolutely free governments
where no one would be allowed to do or say
anything against socialism as they map it
out
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Through the intercession of Coils P.
Huntington it is said that young Timothy
Hagan, who is known as the adopted son of
the late Mrs. Hopkins-Searles, is to get
5000, 900 not to contest the will OF Mrs.
Searles- Whether Mr.. Searles or Mr..
Huntington is to pay that sum is not quite
clear But the manifest object of Mr.
Huntiugtons interest in the affair is to
secure the voting influence of the Southern
Pacific shares that Hagan holds. There's
nothing slow about Huntington.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
Registered at the Posto1ioe in Savannah.


The MORNING News is published every day IN
abe year, and is served to subscribers in the cttD
ct IS cents a week, 81 90 a month, s. % for six
months and $40 GO for one year.
The MORNING news, bV mall one month,
81 90, three months, 81 80; six months, IS OO
one year, $40 90.
The MORNING NEws, by mail six times week
without Sunday issue, three months, 81 o.
six months. 81 o.: one gear, IS 90.
The MORNING News. TTi-Weekly, Mondays
Wednesdays and Fridays or Tuesdays, Thurs
days and Saturdays, three months, 81 25; six
months, s. so; one year. S5 90.
The SUNDAY NEWS, by mail. one year, e 90:
The WEEKLY NEWS, By mail, one year. " %
Subscriptions payable in advance. Remit by
postal order, check or registered letter. Cur
rency sent by mail at risk of senders ,
Letters and kilograms should DO addresseu
"MoRSISG NEWS" Savannah, Ga. ,-,
Transient advertisements, other than specIai
column, local or reading notices alhuse
ments and cheap or want column 10 cents d
line Fourteen lines OF agate type-equal -
INCA Surement Contract rates and discounts
made known on application at business ONCE
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Missouri farmers have organized shot
gun quarantine against Kansas City, owing
to the laxity of police and sanitary regula-
tions there to protect the surrounding coun-
try against the prevalent small epidemic Of
are said to exist, and the agrioulturists don't
intend that it shall spread in their direction
II they can prevent it. While they are
perfectly right to protect themselves. they
are probably bearing down pretty hard on
those who have need to pass and would not
be likely to convey the contagion. But
there is no help for it unless Kansas City
viii give the outside public the prope- pro-
lection by sequestering every case discov-
cred.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

1t is to be regretted that Mr. Meldrim has
decided to resign from the city council.
He has excellent views about municipal
matters, and the city cannot afford to dis
pense with his services. 1t is true that his
law business makes heavy drafts on his
time. but every citizen should make some
sacrifices for the public good, particularly
when lis services are appreciated. 1t is to
be hoped that the committee appoin ted to
wait upon him will induce him to reconsider
his action
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Delaware has very singular phenomenon
at Wilmington in the shape of a citizen 81
years old who is cutting his third set of
teeth with the cheerful accompaniment of
lnfantile agony the while. But ne does not
attempt to emulate the infant in vocal de-
monstrations of discomfort.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
They Slept On.

There were five hard-looking men seated on
bench in City Hall park yesterday says the
New York World, and while four of them we're
asleep the fifth sat looking at his own toes. By
and by along came q man who halted to ask;
DO any OF you men want work."
whats the payt' asked the fifth, after a
long silence.
Why I'll give 81 so o day"
whats the work."
Digging a cellar"
II don't want it"
Don't any of the rest want iobt"
II think not. but if you'll make the pay So a
day and the work picking Strawberries, I'll take
the chances of waking them up
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Again are the republican prints shouting
that the treasury is not emptyp Vigil
liant search has disclosed soma small coins
on the bottom of the vaults. They will
scarcely serve to pay off the national debt.
but they are big enough to jingle in fine
form
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Despite his reported ill health and in
cipient lunacy Emperor William has been
attending another banquet. They can't
prevent imperial Bill from eating by any
means. However crazy he may be he
knows enough to eat with unfailing regu-
larity. Also with his knife, they say.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Trainmen on California railway that
runs along the edge of high bluff over
looking the Pacific recently narrowly
escaped drowning by jumping from a
freight train that left the track and
plunged into the ocean. That road seems
TO be built too dangerously close to deep
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Undertakers in Indiana are in great per-
plexity over a well-grown indianapolis man
who recently died weighing 365 pounds They
can't find coffin to fit him. Outgrowing
all the collins in the state didn't save him,
however
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Owing to the unusual abundance, conse-
quent upon the very mild spring, fruits have
Jared badly in the eastern markets this
year. Prices have been SO cut down that
the producer scarcely gets anything. Like
Mr.. Jones. he also has to pay the freight in
any event. So the profits are likely to bt
just a trlfe short on fruits this year.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
Our NEW YORh OFFICE.

MR.J.J. FLYNN, Genera! Advertising Agent
Of the MoRx1No NEWS, Office 70 Park ROW.
New York. All advertising business ou'S'd0 -
the states of Georgia. Florida and South Caro-
lima viii be managed by him.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Some of the papers are telling under SYM
pathetic headlines of young Hebrew in
New York who stole As cents and shot him
self through remorse because he was dis
charged for it. Whether the remorse pro-
cached from his theft or bis discharge is left
to conjecture. But any man who could be
tempted to steal for the sake of As cents is
scarcely fit to live.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Highway robbery on the streets of Detroit
puts the Michigan metropolis on the high
road to competition with New York In point
Of progressive civilization.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
Fretty Roueh on Prohibition.
From the Chicnao Fan lTnd.N

IIVNt tNe LFfIttIyU lNtIIt VIHu.I.
Secretary OF State Higgins of Kansas has
been quite harshly criticised in certain quarters
Cor his frank statement that prohibition is a
dead issue in that state. But the recent estab-
llshment of a flourishing asylum for inebriatss
in Leavenworth seems to indicate Mr.. Hig-
gins nevertheless.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Former adherents Of the Jerry Simpson
movement in Kansas are said to be with
drawing from the alliance and the third
party and returning to their old party
fealty. preparatory to the forthcoming
campaign. In other respects the third
party and Simpson contingent are said to be
falling to pieces in the land of its birth.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
Philadelphia Grows Petulant.

From the Philadelphia Press (Rep.).
Last week New York had a plague of mos
quitoes This week it's fleas. This shows that
the metropolis is able TO offer its visitors a va
riety even Of insect distractions.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Maryland is Boosting of corn fourteen
feet and seven inches high down on her
famously fertile peninsula. That's probably
the highest.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
Sentences Merely Make q Sound.

From the Neto York Recorder (Rep.).
President Harrison embraced the oppor-
tunity afforded by bis brief stay at Albany TO
utter some pithy sentences regarding the i'm
portance of honest money to the prosperity of
the country.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Probing into the official corruption in
Canada indicates that it was a fitting and
congenial realm for our escaped thieves and
embezzlers, or else they made it thoroughly
so after they got there. Disclosures con-
tinue to implicate more and more of those
high in authority until pretty near the
whole government is involved. 1t can now be
but matter of short time until the liberal
party gets control Of the government, and
it is to be hoped that when they do they
will not be quite SO liberal to themselves as
the conservatives have been.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Spiritualists as rule believe in even the
most absurd preteusions of so-called medi-
ums. So that alleged spook that disguised
the Massachusetts, spiritualists at Onset bay
must have been very clumsy aud robust
damsel indeed to undeceive people who are
generally so remarkably credulous. But the
chunky Kansas damsel could not conceal
her protruding vitality even under bed.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
CURRENT COMMENT.
That's What de Always Does

From the Neto York Advertiser (lnd0.
The indications are that Mr. Quay's fine per
sonaty will be stamped rather plainly upon
the Pennsylvania republican state convention
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

W. NJ. MEREDITH, % years of age and son Of
the novelist, George Meredith is engineer in
charge OF the electric lighting of Irish towns.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21

Drunken exuberance finds many ludi-
crous vents. But Kansas City police jus
tice is rather ahead of the record in point of
absurdity. Not long ago the justice depu-
tiled friendly saloonist to marry him to a
woman worth $3.50, 900. That was not SO bad,
as far as he was concerned, except as to his
choice of deputy and the manner OF for
mality. But he soon afterward found the
usual routine of his work very wearisome,
and suddenly shut off the wheels of justice
and proceeded to sell mis- whiskers. They
brought S45 so. That was a pretty high
| figure for them. Why the whole alleged
man was not intrinsically worth one-tenth
of the amount. Yet his saloonist factotum
could probably afford to give back TO him
that much of the money spent with him in
| past years
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-08-21
A Much-Needed Improvement.

An improvement that is greatly needed,
and one that should be made as soon as pos
sible, is a paved street running from the
northern to the southern limits of the city.
If Alderman Harmon, who is doing so much
in the way of street paving, should favor
this improvement, he would win the thanks
of very large portion of the people of the
city. And if he could induce the council to
appropriate money enough to enable him to
pave two streets running north and south,
one on the east side and the other on the
west side Of the city, the citys growth
would be assisted greatly. Indeed, it is
doubtful if there is anything the council
could do that would contribute so much to
the building up of the southern part of the
city as the making of the improvements sug-
gestei.
In this connection the MORNING NEWS
suggests that Jefferson street be paved with
shells and other material, such as was used
in paving CASTOR street, from the point to
where it is now paved to Anderson street.
aud that from Anderson street, where
jefferson street ends, Barnard or Montgom-
cry street be paved to Twelfth street.
On the east side let East Broad street be
paved from where the stone paving ends TO
Bolton or Waldburg street. paved
thoroughfare on the east side would be very
beneficial TO the saw-mills and wood yards
on the line of the Savannah, Florida and
Western railway, and also 10 merchants and
others who run delivery wagons in connec
ton with their business.
The council has done good deal in the
way Of improving the streets. and there are
indications that it intends to do great dea
more, but no street improvements it coulc
make would help the city more than thos;
the MORNING NEWS suggests.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1891-09-12
PUBLICATIONS.
a Baltimore Belle Captures Il Noble
Lord.

Among the arrivals at one of the hotels
recently IN Saratoga were two stylishly dress
ed and beautiful young girls, accompanied
by an elderly lady and three servants. They
registered from Baltimore, and it was learned
that they were reigning bellies in that city
The elder sister had just entered her twentieth
year. Her friends rendered her delightful
reception, and she was the recipient of many
unique and costly gifts.
Her fance arrived upon the brilliant scene
driving pair of perfectly matched cream
coiored ponies handling cream-colored rens
with gold buckles, and attached to cream
colored dog-cart with gold trimmings elab-
orately mounted. These he presented to the
lady of his choice; and at an early hour the
following day the chief desi gner Of the New
York and Paris Young Ladies fdshion Btzar
received a message from the ladies to produce
within the next five days four pale cream
India silk dresses of the same tint as that of
the gold-tipped dog-cart. The proprietor of
the New York and Paris Young Ladies
Fd&hiom Bazar will spare no pains to make
these natty driving costumes the most snowy
and gorgeous of the season. The design
which struck their fancy was that shown in
figure of the September nu4Sber of the New
York and Paris Young Ladies h0Shion Bozar.
But where that dress is designed in pink, their
dresses are to be finished in pale ecru. The
frill on the sleeves of figure will be jauntily
Topped up with real pearls set in gold buckles.
The September number, containing this
magnificent design, is now for sale at all news
stands Price % cents.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1891-09-12

tellectual worker will inevitably win
more compensation, consideration and
honor than his less intelligent com
pettor or coadjutor in the same field.
so that it has come to pass that i'll
the debate over the woes which affiict
"capital and labor" a third factor
anatomically entitled ''brain,' will
have to be introduced-a endowment
the latchet of whose shoes neither
forerunner is worthy to loose. Cap
ital without brain is useless and labor
without brain is helpless. 1t is the live
coal from heavens own altar which
burns with more or less lustre in the
ability, virtue and character of every
man. 1t and it only endows capital
with the genius of multiplying itself
and invests labor with labor
omnipotence.
To herd it with mere money and
muscle is to degrade it.
For in the economical as in the
social and mental aspect equality
of intellect with matter is i'm
possible-unless it be in a state Of
being low enough to be unthinkable.
The professed aim of the Noble
Order, therefore, to raise to untrodden
heights those indiscriminately who are
unable to climb, must fail. The law
of gravtation is against it. Besides,
in all the realm of probabilities,
material, human or divine, so far as
nature, science or inspiration has fore
cast, there is no prophecy of rational
equilibrium between the mental and
the physical. There can be none.
Especially so as the result of IL
movement misconceived, misdirected
and misconducted by men equal only
in their inveterate ignorance of the
natural rights Of each and every
man.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1891-09-12
RAILROAD NEWS.
Excursion to JOhnStoWn, Pa.

Excursion to JohnStown, Pa.
The Baltimore and Ohio railroad has
made arrangements for an excursion
to Johnstown, Pa, Sunday, Scptem-
Der 20, 1891. The route is over the
summit of the Allegheny mountains,
through some of the finest scenery in
the United States. Those who visited
that city just after the great flood of
1889 will naturally desire to see the
wonderful Improvements made during
the past two years. The fare of $l.90
flom Cumberland and so from Mt.
Savage junction is on the extremely
low basis of one cent per mile, and
within the reach Of almost everyone.
A special train will leave Cumberland
at S:l5 q. NJ.
The Cumberland and Pennsylvania
railroad company has arranged for a
special train to leave Piedmont at I
o'clock u. M, which will make con
nectlon at Mt. Savage junction with
the eXculsi sion train for Johustown.
Returning train will leave Johnstown
at 6p. m.