davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Telegram-herald. ([Grand Rapids, Mich.) 18??-1892, 1891-07-05
HENRY f. DIxEY DANCES A JIG ON III
MANAGERS BACK.

HENRY f. DIxEY DANCES A JIG ON HIs
MANAGERS BACK.
Most Of my experience with stage
mistakes has been stupid rather than
funny, but remember one little Incl
dent which was almost pathetic as well
as amusing.
1t happened when was boy and
belonged to snap company-barn-
storning around the country.
The manager of the company was also
leader Of the orchestra Of three pieces
and played first fiddle.
The stage consisted of q platform
held up by wooden horses. One night I
was dancing away ut my very best be-
fore most appreciative though perhaps
rather noisy audience. when suddenly
two Of the stage props gave way and
down went one end Of the platform.
Quick as fash the manager lifted the
fallen end and, placing It on HIS shout
der, went on coolly playing his fiddle
and shouted excitedly TO me to go ahead
with my jig.
Well. the sight Of that old fellow
there. bent double, holding the stage up
to prevent spelling the performance. I
shall never forget Us long as live.
Tho spectators shouted and applauded
and went away telling everybody that
n was the funniest scene they had ever
witnessed. HENRY e. DTxEY.
Telegram-herald. ([Grand Rapids, Mich.) 18??-1892, 1891-07-05

other six had safely descended it was
found that the fat super was many sizes
too large for the opening in the trap.
There he stuck in spite of the combined
efforts of all the devils to pull him
through by the legs. This of itself was
intensely funny, but when one of the
gallery boys in n tone OF intense relief,
sang out ut the top of his voice: Thank
the Lord. ELS full" there was uni
versal shout of laughter in which every
body in tho building joined, with the
single exception of the fat super.
EDwAED S. WILLARD.
Telegram-herald. ([Grand Rapids, Mich.) 18??-1892, 1891-07-05
Ma. eoopwrx's rrs-r rrAss rxrrusxrr

Before I ever went on the stare I
used ~ take part 10 amateur Affairs in
nay asoth<r's psriers ~ sessna- essd !
fseshered Charlie Tho~re 20 death 20
gst lss pl~<e ~ sotse oompeay.
The record-union., 1891-01-19
Startling a stranger.

Down below Natchez, while the boat
was running in close to the left hand
bank and had stopped her wheels to
avoid big tree floating in an eddy, we
saw native sitting on stump fishing.
He sat bent over, hat over his eyes, and
there was scarcely a movement to tell
that he was alive. We had Smart Alecl1
with us on the promenade deck, and
he had no sooner caught sight of
the native than he called to one
of the deck hands to toss him up
a potato. A peck or more of the tubers
were lying loose near pile of sacks, and
one was quickly tossed up.
Now see me startle him." said Smart
Aleck, as he swung his arm for throw.
The distance was only about hundred
feet, and his aim was so true that the DO
tato landed on the natives head with a
dull thud. His motions were so quick
that we couldn't agree as to how he did
it, but in about three Seconds he had
dropped his fishpole, pulled revolver
as long as his arm, and fired at Smart
Aleck. The bullet bored hole in his
silk hat, just above his hair, and the
young man sank down in heap and
tainted dead away. When we restored
him to his senses he carefully felt of the
top of his head, looked back at the fisher
man and absently asked:
Did she explode both boilers, or only
One?D {<f
The record-union., 1891-01-19
The Reason Why.

A well-known newspaper man of this
city, whose custom it is to take long
walks in the country, was out last Sun
day, says the Washington star. As he
passed an orchard he noticed all the trees
but one well filled with apples.
'"That's strange" he remarked to his
companion.
whats the reason, do you imagine ?''
saked the other.
Here comes boy. I'll ask him." and
the journalist tackled the boy.
Fine apples you have for an off year,
he said, with an air of freedom and ac-
quaintance with the facts.
KINDER replied the boy.
sWhere do you sell them mostly ?"
"Mostly don't sell 'em. Make cider.'
"Ah, are they cider apples?"
"Course; couldn't. make cider if they
WASN'T
Every true. By the way, my boy, I
notice one tree over there by the fence
hasn't an apple on it. Do you know why
that is?''
II reckon"
"Well, my friend here and are little
curious and would like to have you tell
us if you will"
Certainly. It's cause it's plum tree,
mostly"
The man of inquiring mind hung his
kodak over his shoulder and went on.
The record-union., 1891-01-19


What Kind of an arithmetic is this,
anyway?'' growled uncle. Its an out
rage TO make such books When was a
boy we had sensible school books and
That IS your old arithmetic Robert" !"
said the lady behind the paper. when
l found they We're using that kind told
Alan he might as well take yours as to
buy new one.n
Uncle got down from his chair, walked
slowly around the table, climbed up
again.
rs that to change your luck, uncle?"
asked Alan. They say it will do it,
Mary" said uncle, Indignantly. "you
ought not to let Alan get such vulgar su-
perstltlonS into his head. Mathematics,
sir, are not to be conquered by luck"
Fresh sheets Of paper were taken and a
maze OF figures grew under uncle's hand.
Around the edge of her paper Alan's
mother saw experiments in proportion,
allegation, arithmetical progression, and
here and there dash of algebra. The do
main OF mathematics was ransacked from
center to circumference, and victory came
at last. THAT estate" said uncle, inn
pressively, was worth exactly
S2,ll1 1892" and he said it in the tone of
man ready to fight if his word was dis
puted.
Il presume that is right said Alan.
Anyway that is the answer in the book.
ANSiC - GIL SetSy oLC-ttt lSdSt, olii
teacher says it is easy,'' and he read:
IF 20 men in 81 days, by working 10 hours
day, can dig a trench 80 feet long, Is feet
wide and feet deep, when the ground is
called c 80 of hardness, how many men in 25
days, by working s hours day, can dig
another trench As feet long, 16 feet wide and
- feet deep, when the ground is estimated at
so of hardness?"
As step by step the features of this prob
lem were presented to uncle, that gentle
man slipped further down into his chair.
When the voice of the reader stopped, he
looked like nothing in the world so much
as Grandfather Smallweed, if that ami
able old person could be imagined as
deprived OF even the presence of the
birthstone Cat" The eyes of Alan's
mother appeared over the paper; and the
abject appeal they saw i'll uncle's eyes
could not be resisted.
Alan. she said, ''it is your bedtime
uncle is tired"
Alan gathered up his books, kissed his
mother, and bade the figure in the chair
good night, and said cheerfully: NWe'll
try pure mathematics next time, uncle.o
The record-union., 1891-01-19
Eruption of the Skin Cured.

Ed. Venney, Brockville, Ontario, Cam
ada, says:
have used BRANDRETH's PILLS for
the past fifteen years, and think them
the best cathartic and anti-biiious rem
edy known. For some five years 1 suf-
fered with an eruption of the skin that
gave me great pain and annoyance. 1
tried different blood remedies, but, al
though gaining strength, The itching was
unrelieved. finally concluded to take a
thorough course of BRANDRETH's PILLS,
| took six each night for four nights, then
five, four, three, two, lessening each time
by one, and then for one month took one
every night, with the happy result that
now my skin is perfectly clear, and has
been so ever Since,,
The record-union., 1891-01-19
1t Excels All others.
TGalt Gazette

The REcoRD-UNIoN is now one of the
best papers in the State. 1t is printed on
one of those lightning presses that prints
both sides of the paper at once and cuts
and folds each sheet to regulation size.
We think the RECoRD-U UNION in size,
form, dress, and general makeup, excels
any other paper in the State. 1t is our
ideal size sufficiently large TO give
the news of the world-and not too bun
glesome and blankety like the San Fran
cisco dailies.
The record-union., 1891-01-19
Neat as a New Pin.
[Petaluma August

IPetaIuma Argus.
The Sacramento RECORD UNION has
just got new perfecting press and new
printing plant throughout. The paper
looks as neat as new pin. The RECORD
UNION is one of the best papers on the
Pacific Coast, and we are glad to see this
evidence of its continued prosperity.
The record-union., 1891-01-19
--THE--
WEEKLY UNION
--TFIE--
pwelve Pages.

Containing all the news Of the
Record Union and Sunday
Union, has the largest circula-
ton Of any paper on the Pacific
Slope, its readers being found
in every town and hamlet,
with a constantly increasing
list in the Eastern States and
Europe. Special attention paid
to the publication Of truthful
statements Of the resources OF
California and the entire coast,
best methods Of agriculture,
fruit and vine growing.
1t will go to greater lengths to
build up California than any
paper on the coast.
The record-union., 1891-01-19
Wire Matfresses.

Woven wire is preferable to springs or
other materials for mattresses. A thin
hair mattress which can be easily reno
waited is sufficient in addition; thus free
circulation of air is allowed, which is not
possible through two or three thicker
mattresses. Some of the woven wire
cloth is so fine that one or two layers of a
thick comforter is sufficient to make an
easy resting place.
The record-union., 1891-01-19
His Mistake.

Amy-"Young Mr.. Dolley has proposed
to me.''
Mabel-"Of course you accepted him ?''
but in his proposal he used an irrecon,
cilable figure of speech, and 1 thought I
could not risk my life's happiness with
him. He said, Amy, will you walk with
me down the stream of life?' If he had
said wade down the stream of life, could
have accepted him, but the idea of walk
ing in the water ''-Hdrpe,'s Bazaar.
The record-union., 1891-01-19

KEEP up that rasping cough at the
peril OF breaking down your lungs and
throat. Rather let the afflicted immedi-
ately resort at once to Dr. d. Jayne's Ex
pectorant, which cures all coughs and
tions and throat ails.
The record-union., 1891-01-19
Soft Pillows.

Much is said nowadays against soft
pillows, since they tend to produce early
wrinkles in fair faces, and round pillow
placed under the neck is recommended.
ing the shoulders and lungs into better
position.
The record-union., 1891-01-19

TRIED and true" is the verdict of people
who take Hoods Sarsaparilla. The good
effects of this medicine are soon felt in
nerve strength restored, that tired feeling
driven Oft, a good appetite created, head
ache and dyspepsia relieved, scrofula
cured.
The record-union., 1891-01-19

a negro woman of Dryline, La, named
Anderson, recently gave birth 10 four
children, who are all alive and doing well
The record-union., 1891-01-19
In,,nh.

T OST.-A GOLD GLOVE-BUTTONER.
IL with q quartz charm; initials. B. h. b
Return to 1928 street, and receive reward.
ialS-3t*
The record-union., 1891-01-19

:, BEEcHAM's pills cure bilious, nervous
ills.
The record-union., 1891-01-19

DOR SALE -LODGING-HOUSE WITH
j. lease; house doing good business. Apply
at 1921 Third street. ia1 15-1t*
The record-union., 1891-01-19

Il property, good patent right. Money
in it to the right party. Address, INVENTOR,
Sacramento. ial7-IOt&
The record-union., 1891-01-19
Inr SALE.

EOR SALE-A HORSE SIX YEARS OLD,
L perfectly gentle, suitable for lady to drive
For further particulars, address Box 90, this
office. Ial 7-3t#
The record-union., 1891-01-19
A Splendid Seyen-day Paper.
The Leading PapeBof California.

They are the pioneerjournals,
which, from early years in the
history Of the coast, have main
tanned the FRONT RANK OF
JOURNALISM, having every
news facility with the San
Francisco leading dailies, and
sustaining the fullest public
confidence.
The record-union., 1891-01-19
90 Ist nr 3ar,tt.

90 5st or aae,tt.
UEo RENT-A FRONT SUITE OF ROOMS
i nicely furnished. Terms reasonable
oo71a ) street. ja17-7t*
HNo LEASE-FOR a TERM OF -FOUR
4 years, house of eight rooms, with all mod
ern improvements. No. 1905 l. street 'front.'
ing State Capitol grounds For further partic-
ulars call at L. h COOK & CO.'S, Tenth and X
streets. jal7-tf
VIyO IET-LARGE, SUNNY ROOM. FUR
nlshed, suitable for one or two persons;
liza ii street. ja16-7t*
TITO LET-HOUSE ON THIRD STREET. RE
L tween Q and r, containing six nice rooms;
has large yard with fruit trees and stable. In,
quire at 3o4 ] street. S. RoSENFELD. j16-7t
EoUR NICE ROOMS TO LET AT 1918
l. Ninth street, between l. and NJ. ja16-tf
TTo LET-NEwLY FURNISHED ROOMS
Il from So upwards. Inquire at 6o91% l
street. ja15-7ts
ITO RENT-NICELY FURNISHED FRONT
Il rooms, for one or two gentlemen, at SD
Seventh street. jaI4-7t*
ITO Lf1T-A PARI4oR, AT 715 L STREET;
l also carriage barn. Inquire at the above
number. ja13-tf
Vyo LET-THE ICE AND COAL YARD
formerly occupied by the Union Ice and
Coal Co, 1O09-ll-13 3 and IS Third street be-
tween and K. For further particulars in
quire of ]. ID. Tate 1011 Third street, up
stairs. ja13-7t*
THO LET-A HOUSE OF SIX ROOMS AND
IL closets, neatly finished, at No. 1412 j
st. Inquire of A. COOLOT, S12 st. jaS-tf
AO1 COR. l. AND FOURTH-ROOMS BY
Hui the day, week or month. LANGHAM.
d19-1m
EyO LET-SMALL TENEMENTS AND
4 also unfurnished rooms, cheap; suitable
for housekeeping. Apply to d. GARDNER,
at woodward, Fourth and / streets. my17-tf
FURNISHED ROOMS AT CENTRAL
il House, from S5 per month upwards; also
family rooms at low prices. HORNLEIN
BROS, Proprietors. mrl9-1y
TNO LET-A FURNISHED FLAT OF FIVE
Il rooms. Inquire at 112S Ninth ST. ja7-14t*
TNO LET A HOUSE OF SIX ROOMS,
L newly painted and papered throughout,
corner Thirteenth and L streets. Apply at
Brown House, Fourth and X streets MRS
A. GLEEMAN. ia9-tf
The record-union., 1891-01-19

EoR DELIVERY WAGON,
L business, buggy and harness; will sell the
outfit for near what the wagon is worth. In
quire 2210 H street. ja15-7t*
The record-union., 1891-01-19

NOR SALE-GENUINE ENGLISH CLUS-
Il ter Hop Roots, in quantities to suit, at
lowest market price. Address T. B. FLINT
one mile below Sacramento, or z. O. box 43S'
Sacramento. ja14-i4t&
The record-union., 1891-01-19
0e.trrul 5tntfrrH.

MADAME BELL, RENOWNED IN TELL
Ifl ing lifes future events, fifteen years
practice in India and Australian colonies; late
of San Jose. Young people should know their
future. Fee, so cents and 81 1910 Third
street. d9-tf
MONEY TO LOAN-ON CITY AND
lu country property. MUDDOX & FEE,
COG street. jaS-tf
The record-union., 1891-01-19

ITO RENT-A FRONT SUITE OF ROOMS
4 nicely furnished. Terms reasonable.
50715 j street. ia17-7t.
The record-union., 1891-01-19

T1OR SALE-ONE OF THE FINEST AND
1, largest saloons in the city; extra family
entrance; best location; stock and lease In
quire at this Office o5-tf
The record-union., 1891-01-19

J1O LEASE-FOR A TERM OF FOUR
I years, house of eight rooms. with all mod
ern improvements No. 1905 l. street, 'front.'
ing State Capitol grounds. For further partic-
ulars call at L. II. COOK & CO.'S, Tenth and X
streets. iaI 7-tf
The record-union., 1891-01-19

TJN0 IET-LARGE, SUNNY ROOM, FUR
i nished, suitable for one or two persons;
1914 II street. ia1 (;-7t*
The record-union., 1891-01-19

E'OR SALE-A HANDSOME BUGGY
Il horse, perfectly gentle; especially suited
for lady to drive; rapid traveller, and one of
the best saddle-horses in the city. A. o.
GREGORY, Fifth and j, Sacramento. ja9-tf
The record-union., 1891-01-19

NTANTED-PARTIEST TO TAKE AN IN
w terest in the Sectional Giant Quartz
A. SCOTT, Golden Eagle Hotel, Sacra-
mento. d25-tf
The record-union., 1891-01-19

MTANTED-MEN FOR FARMS, VINE
w yards, dairies and all kinds of labor
Women and girls for cooking and general
housework. Plenty of work for desirable help.
Apply at EMPLOYMENT OFFICE Fourth
street, X and j..
The record-union., 1891-01-19

T,oR SALEs-GAS LAUNCH "NITA;' ONE
K man can handle her; needs neither pilot
nor engineer license; simplest and safest en-
gine made. Inquire OFFICER MAY, Wash
ington, Yolo. jaS-14t*
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17
For 60 Cents,

The attention of the reader is invited
to the advertisement of The Weekly
Milwaukee Sentinel in another column,
and 10 the remarkably low price at
which it is offered. Seventy-fve cents
a year, or in clubs of six or above, only
fifty cents year each copy. Together
with this journal, to any person Sab
scribing for this paper, The Weekly
Sentinel will be sent for so cents in
addition to our subscription price.
The Sentinel is the leading metropoli-
tan journal of the state. 1t is recog-
nized as one of the ablest and best
newspapers of the country. For Wis
consin readers who desire to take in
addition to their local newspaper, d
paper devoted to general news, the
Intelligent discussion of current top
les, full market reports, etc., it is
preferable to any of the newspapers
published in cities outside the state,
since it is prepared with special refer
ence to the wants and interests of the
people of this state.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17
Holiday EXCLUSIONS.

"The Burlington"--C., b. & n. r.
R.--will sell round trip Excursion
Tickets between all points on their
line within radius of two hundred
miles for the Holidays, a. rate of fare
and third for the round trip.
Tickets will be on sale Dec. "a, %,
81. and January l, good to return any
time before January 4.
For particulars inquire of nearest
agent, or address w. j. G. Kenyon,
Gen. Pass. Agent, st. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17
PERSONAL.

John Haddow has returned from Da.
kota.
Prof. W. ID. Parker is spending the
week in the city.
f. Coggshall is home from Montana
for the holiday season.
Rev. q. A. Cressey spent few days
in Chicago the first of the week.
Ole Anderson. an Ell Paso Merchant.
did business in the city yesterday.
Willie Thsyer leaves tomorrow for
Boston, Mass, to attend an Institute
of Technology.
s. Ii. Williams, wife and Master
Clark from North Dakota are visiting
her mother. Mrs. Josiah Thayer.
Misses Carrie Paulson and Lucy
Robbins of the Normal School enter
tanned party of their friends in very
pleasant manner at the residence of @.
E. Randall last Saturday evening.
Rev. G. A. Johnson, pastor of the
Swedish church in Mann Valley, has
moved to this city, occupying the
house on Cascade Avenue recently fit
ted up by ]. NJ. Smith.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

A recent visitor at the Normal School
remarks that he finds an excellent
condition of affairs, and he believes
that the school is one of the best for
its specific purposes as we'll as model
in the character IF a school for ordin-
airy literary purposes We suggest to
our citizens and neighbors who have
not seen the school with their own
eyes, that the Normal school affords a
striking illustration Of influences
organized at once towards strong
scholarship and excellent citizenship.
Every student is self-respe sing.-is
attentive to the progress of others,-is
proud of his alliances, and each
teacher earns confidence by thorough
devotion to the business,-by consider.
ate attention 10 little amenites,-and
by strong work required as well as
pertinent instruction given. We COM
mend the school anew to citizens as
worthy of their inspection and of their
encouragement. We wish students
and faculty a restful vacation and sure
return with strength and zeal for the
winter sessions.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17
State Normal School,
Winter Term opened Nov. 80, 1891.

Thisschool offers special advantages to
those who desire to prepare to teach.
Three Courses OF Study are offered: Ele-
mentarv. Advanced and One Year Pro-
fessional. Tuition Free to those whose
qualifications entitle them toadmissiOn to
either of these courses. Tuition IN Pre-
paratory Classes will be 40 cts. a week,
Grammar Grades, 20 cts. week.. Inter-
mediate Grades, 10 cts. week; Primary
Grades, 10 cts. a week Attention OF pa
rents IS invited to the thorough and ex-
celient training afforded by the Model
Department.
For catalogue containing information as
to courses Of study, terms Of admission,
expenses, etc, apply to
j. q. EMERY, President.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

Messrs, Ekstrom and Geo. Williams
have established branch agency here
for the Century Piano Co. They oc.
cupy the building south of the old
Commercial House corner.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17
Lecture.

Lecture.
Rev. John III. Morley of Minneapolis
will give his lecture on Martin Luther
on Friday evening next. Mr.. Morley
is most highly recommended as lec-
turer. He has for several years past
held the very responsible position of
Estate Superintendent" position
which makes him sort of Congrega-
tional Bishop. Tickets at Youells &
A rorusr
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

The new Baptist church will be ded-
icsted next Sabbath. DIR. Halteman
State Supt- of the Baptist Society, will
preach the dedicatory sermon. Child.
ren's sermon in the afternoon.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

Mrs. DEWITT, aged IS years, who has
resided with her son, Mr.. G. F. De-
witt, in this city for several years,
died last Monday night. Her remains
were taken to her former home in the
southern part of the state for inter
ment.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

SCMCACAy hcceAAS.
The annual meeting of Greenwood
Cemetery Association will be held at
the Lutheran church in this city on
Saturday, Dec. 20. 1921. at 2 O'Clock
Pm. A full attendance of stockhold-
ers and all others who may feel an
interest in the cemetery is requested.
c. r. MoRsE. Secretary.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17
HOLIDAY Excursion.

Excursion tickets will be sold to all
points on the c., st. P, NJ. & 0. Ry.
for the holidays at one and a third
fare. Tickets on sale Dec. "a, 25 and
81, and Jan. LIST, good to return until
Jan. 4th.
Same rates and limits will also ap-
ply to point ON G.. & n. w. Ry.
f. p. ANswoRTH, Agent.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

The children of the Methodist Sun
day School will be entertained Christ
mas eve with songs, recitations. a
chimney corner. Santa Claus, etc.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

Did you ever buy a horse and not
have some misgivings as to his points
till they we're fully testedl Not so
with Ayers Sarsaparilla, you may be
sure of it at the start. 1t never disap.
points those who give 1t a fair and
persistent trial.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

The place to buy Christmas gifts.
as usual, is at Taggart's Drug Store,
this year. See ad. in another column.
Prices very low.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

S. S. Grinnell accepts an urgent in
vitation to preach at Menomonie next
Sabbath, thus relieving Pastor White
who has been suffering from throat
trouble.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

Do not fail to call on Youells &
Avery and examine their Christmas
goods before purchasing elsewhere.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

For SALE.-A farm of 100 acres in
town of Clifton, with machinery and
stock sufficient to run same. Easy
terms. Good buildings, water, etc.
This is a bargain. Call and see
F. M. WHITE, Boxrud Block.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-12-17

The best place TO End suitable
Xmas present for young or old is the
New York Emporium.