, 1891-02-21
Hughes, of all in Leavenng Fo~er-U, S Govt Report, Aug 10 1883
R@!a!:,.:!! BsklRg
ABSOLUTELY PURE
ABSOLUTELY PURE

stockings as well as the ordinary clothes.
You ask for his family, and he sweIls
visibly while he explains how superior
they are in health to any other mans
family, and what a wise and benehcsut
autocrat he is in all domestic concernsl
Perhaps he is, and perhaps all that he
has said is true, but how disagreeabls he
makes himself with his big l and little
U, and how glad you are when he goes
away or allows you to do sol
Akin to the Pompous Man and the
Selfish Woman is the Human Squid, the
person of either sex whose tentacles are
always waving about to catch whatever
Is going and draw 1t selfward. Talk to
one Of these cyclists upon whatever sub
ject you like, and you will presently find
that the conversation has come round to
his or her own personality. You remark:
ut is very warm today" and the re-
ply is: Eyes, and l feel the heat very
much. Last week l was put in the IN,
and really was afraid of a sunstroke."
Or you say, 1.-The emperor of China is
very i'll, " and your Squid nswers:
sis her Well, 1 never cared much
about China; when l was at school l
never could find the Chinese cities, al
though | was a pretty good scholar, etc.
The Squid comes in some day and
finds you suffering from the neuralgia,
or from la grippe, or some other com
plant demanding sympathy, but it has
none to give.
Neuralgia? Oh, l used Il have it
dreadfully some years ago; the doctor
said he saw any one have it 30
badly; l was a perfect martyr, and moth
ing ever relieved it; but then my nervous
system is very sensitive, you probably
couldn't begin to suffer as l did"
Or still more aggravating is, 'Neu-
ralgia? Oh, that's nothingl Nobody
ever dies Of thai, you know. Now, II
you had had bronchitis as / had three
no, let me see-three. four, why yes, five
summers ago, when we were at the
White mountains, I should know how to
pity you. l suffered everything, l can
assure you, especially one night when
my husband had to wiring out hot
cloths to put to my chest eight hours
without nee sitting down"
Rather hard on him." you spitefully
suggest, but the Squid only stares.
"Oh, well-of course when l was so
sick he couldn't think about that. Well,
l won't stay and bother you since you
don't feel well. Goodby; l hope your
cold will soon be better"
Then there is the Fidgety Person, who
never can sit still and be quiet a minute.
Perhaps it is a woman, and she can't bear
the draft from that window or door or
il you will excuse her, may she lower
the window a little so as to have the air
from the top; or she can't sit in a low
aGug- - /, ELA ka-a n Ga.1zzI. -
where Is her fan and her vinaigrette.
Oh, yes, she has dropped them; and she
must throw off her wrap in the house
and keep on her scarf; and don't you
think the perfume of so many flowers is
unwhole5ome; and she does want you
to try taking hot water before your
meals, and you must test 1t with a Their
mometer; il not too much trouble she
will have some now instead of a glass
Of wine or tea, and 80 on.
Or it is a man, and he roams around
your rooms like a wild creature in q
cage, taking up every book and every
ornament, turning it over and asking
questions about it and laying it down in
another place; pushing the chairs, the
easels, the little tables, the footstools out
Of his way, tipping them over and pick
ing them up again, toying with the tas-
sells of the curtains and cushions until he
twists them off or unravels them, and il
he does at last sub5ide into a chair,
twisting it and himself about until the
legs creak and the castors REBEL; IL the
chair has lace and ribbons upon its back,
it is needless to say that the fdgety man
never rests until he has destroyed their
symmetry il not themselves; then his
fingers stray to the table, pick up pearl
ape cutter, and in the ~earnestness Of
conversation bend it and bend it until
when the snap comes it is almost a re-
lief to your expectant nerves; if there is
a vase of flowers at hand he pulls them
to pieces, and you are lucky If he does
not pull over the whole business and de-
luge your book Of water colored sketches
with more water than the colors can
carry off.
This kind of person may and often
does have almost all the good qualities
under the sun, but for trying your tenn
per, s~training your good manners. up
setting your system, and max
ing you long to be condemned to solitary
confinement, commend me to the Fidget.
Then there is the Counsel for the OPP
position, the person who ALWAYS takes
the other side from yours upon every
subject under the sun, who involves
you, in your own despite, in a perpetual
argument and controversy, until in his
society Tor hers) you become either quar-
relsome or tamely acquiescent, feeling
afraid to open your mouth, lest you
should be contradicted. Positively, l
AVE met people with whom this habit
had become so nearly a mania that 1
don't think they could control them
selves. On board ship 1 once said to a
gentleman Of this class:
There is the coast of Ireland; we shall
soon be at Queenstown"
"Oh, no; that's not q coast line, but q
bank of fog"
1.-The captain just told me it was Ire
land" said l, really curious Il see how
he would evade this authority, but he
never faltered.
~ beg to differ with the captain; it is
not the coast, but may perhaps be a
mirage thrown up by the coast, which is
itself below the horizon"
And then we have that most fatiguing
Of all people, the Dense Person; not e1-
actly a stupid person, for after al idea
has penetrated his mind it is often well
received and proitably nurtured, but to
get a new idea into that mind without
the traditional surgical operation is a
undertaking from which ven q brave
man may shrink and a woman quail.