The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1891-11-13
GLIMPSES OF LIFE.
Mixed MetaphOrs.


metaphors should be thoroughly familiar
with the sea and the working of ship or ht
VIII strand his speech. A clergyman was
supplying pulpit Ly the seaside. Thinking
to impress the truth more distinctly upon the
congregation, many of whom were seamen he
drew the figure OF a ship trying to enter q
harb0r against a head wind.
Unfortunately for the success OF his meta
phor, be knew little of seamanship. After
putting the ship into several singular post.
ttons, he cried out In voice intended to be
| emphatic:
"What shall we do next?"
Goodness only knows" exclaimed dis
gusted old tar. sunless you let her drift stai n
foremost W-(London TltBlts.
She Believed Him.
| When Mrs. Jones' returned from a weeks
visit to her mother she discovered that Mr..
Jones had not occupied bis own room since
her departure. The good woman was much
disturbed, especially as there was evidence
that Mr.. Jones had camDed out on the sofa
with his boots on.
"How could you?" she asked reproachful.
ly. You promised me you wouldn't once
90 out with the boys, and you haven't slept
single night In your own bed"
Maria" said Mr.. Jones sadly and truth.
| fully, II was afraid"
"Afraid!' echoed Mrs. Jones with wither-
| Ing scorn, "you afraid. JepthaW
"Yes." he answered humbly. ut Is Gospel
truth. was afraid to tackle the shams,"
just in Time.
Gam 1 to understand" said the young man
bitterly, as he arose to 90, that all 10 over
between usw
81 am afraid that Is the case" she said
calmly. slight tone of Jersey City hauteur
observable In her voice.
his hat, "you have told me at just the right
moment. ] have recently ordered me a
new winter overcoat, and | will just have
time to countermand those pockets under the
arms."-TClothier and Furnisher.
Everyone who has once used DR.. BULBS
Cough Syrup invariably resorts to it again
for colds. etc.
When vice prevails and implous men bear
sway
When cuts, sprains, bruises torment all the
Then ease from paln-from care and hurt are
sent
By great Salvation OIL, the standard lniment.
A DISTINGUISHED Citizen.
'How does It happen,'' inquired the stran.
ger. THAT all the improvements are being
made on this one streetY
1T doesn't happen at all, sir" replied the
citizen who was showing him about the vii.
lage, maJestically. ''This Is the street live
on. l am president of the town board, sir.
-[Chicago Tribune.
He Knew What He Wanted.
The waiter had brought Farmer Blossom
particularly dminutive "pat" of butter. The
old man picked up the dish, looked at it close.
ly, and observed:
"Wipe that grease spot off that plate and
bring me some BUTTER New York Epoch.
The following incident occurred In Med
ford school: A class in grammar was recit.
ing, and one of the younger boys was asked
to compare "slck." He began, thoughtfully:
"Sick," paused while his brain struggled |
with the problem, then finished triumphant.
ly, "Sick, worse, dead"
woman's Tact.
He (on bridal tour Now, Nora, az soon |
as we get 10 the hotel and register. "Mr and |
Mrs w Ross" see If they don't ask If we'll
rake the bridal chamber.
She-Oh, horrid-can't we avoid that? Oh,
| have it-sign my maiden name-Miss Nora
Hall.
He-Um-er-wouldn't that be more EN-.
-fSmitb, Gray & Cos Monthly.
True to Her Sex.
Ralchero--"I can tell you we see some
mighty curious sights out West. Before l
eft woman was arrested for poisoning her
husband and several small children. She
red sns and ID. to Be
irm step. Before the black cap was drawn
'ver her head the sheriff asked her II there
vas any last word
The combination of ingredients found In
Ayers Pills renders them tonic and curative
tse bsst neope az
abit, as they restore the natural action of
he bowels, without debilltating.-adv.
Listener-"Well?,
Ranchero--..She hadn't finished when /
moved away Life.
The Amende Honorable.
"Look here, barber, you've cut piece out
my ear"
Yes, Sir. But it's all right. 1t isn't lost.
[ere. boy, wrap up this lobe IN piece of pa.
land be quick about it."--fNew York Sun.
A Great Game.
Mr. De Winter-W here did you hear all
lis long story, anyway?
Mrs De Winter-Oh. Mrs Gadabout told
e all about 1t while we were playing whist
st ght.-[Sumerville Journal. .,
An I'd Joke with Point to 1t. "
say that parade of 200 men was Il
70 bours passing given point. Impossible u
what point was 1t? W W
Tom-Casey's saloon.-TBufao Inquirer. 81 2,
The signature or A. johnson Is on every to
nuine bottle label of Johnson's Anodyne y
K
No Grief in His. fir
Il am truly sorry. Johnny" said the friend an
luc Tue DOy OH tuc az
eet, ''to learn that your fathers house III
Is burned down yesterday. Was nothing
,ed?" FL
Don't you waste no grief on me-" replied y. ~,
hnny. 'All of paws old clothes were -. -,
rneC up in that fire, and nav can't make ~
= of them over for me this time. Pm all p1
Press. =
Where we're you engaged lastw asked -
0 Francisco lady of the new coIored cook.
Yer oughten' ter AK me dat, lady"
We'll, want to know, IS It may tend to -
e you character"
Wall, lady, l was engaged ter Bob Phil.
5, de trifingest yaller man ever seed.
~, lady, dat man stole my yearrings and
med away! How many times was yerself
jagged, ladyw
Buoyed Up by Hope.
here Is a nice clerk 10 n certain Detroit
late he has become very religiousy In SU
led. The other day pretty girl from the CT
ntry came IN the store. NO
Good morning." he said politely. co
Good morning." she responded; shave I'M
white Wingsr" CIT
1 beg your PARDON he stammered. NO
Have you White Wings?" she an. GU
red. 10
Not yet" he answered, meeky. Then, co,
efully, "but expect to have some day. PHI
So LIZ
he girl looked at him for second and AM
riedly got out.-fDetrolt Free Press. FIR
FIJI
tier using Ely's Cream Balm two months NE
as surprised to find that the right nostril, CIR