Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1891-08-27
PiTh AND POINT.

-CaHer"H Has your mistress gone
out?" New Servant-ssNo, but she
amt at home. Epoch.
Proud Father freading his sons
school raport)-s.Manners vuIgar--very
vulgar. But perhaps this is heredi-
tary''--Punch.
-''She waved her umbrella and caught
his eye" said Hawkins ''Did it put the
eye out2" asked Smithers, who had seen
women waving umbrellas before
Harper's Bazaar.
Mr.. Wickwire - s'Now, this new
nickel steal -' Mrs. Wickwire-
THAT'S when you drop it into the slot
and the machine won't work, / sup
pose"-Indianapolis Journal.
Tell me not in mournful numbers
Life is but an empty dream,
When tits full of green cucumbers
And of restaurant ice cream
Detroit Pree Press.
-'sHe's great catch, assure you,"
said one young woman to another. HE
must have inherited his money; he's
hardly old enough to have made it.
money! o, / referred TO his attain
ments in the way of baseball. Wash
ington Star.
To get acquainted with peoples OBJ
jectionabie idiosyncracies you must
travel with them. OF course, there is
no danger of their getting acquainted
with your Objectionable idiosyncracies
while travelling with you.-Somerville
Journal.
His Only Kind-"No wonder you
don't catch any fish, using bait like
that" and the friend pointed to the half.
empty flask. Haven't you got any
other" mo other?" "No; you see the
early birds got all the worms. "-Phila-
delphia Times.
No Lottery About It-Wife-''Do
tery?" Husband--''No, I do not"
Wife somewhat urprised)--"Why
don't you?" acknowledgements when
a fellow has drawn blank he can't go
and purchase another chance"
An ill-paid minister went to his
deacon and asked for an increase of sal
airy. ''Salary?" said the deacon; 81
thought you worked for souls" $50
do, said the minister, "but I can not
eat souls, and if could it would take
a good many of your size to make a
dish."-N Y. Herald.
In the "Whirled" Office.-Assistant
-''What was the trouble that led you
| to discharge Spacer?" Editor-'Insub-
| ordination, kicked on his assignment
Assistant-"What did you detail him to
| do?" Editor" Marry some one, and
write four columns on: rs Marriage a
! Failure?' Iowa Topics
Bad News.-Charlie-"Y look
| blue, old man. What's the matter?"
| Gus-s'Bad news, dear boy, about my
| rich grandfather. Charlie-s'That's too
bad. The old gentleman is sick, sup
pose?" Gus-'.No, confound him! The
old rascal is healthier than ever, and
likely to live twenty years yet."-Sat.
urday Evening Herald.
They had been talking about their
neighbors all the evening, and, there
being lull in the conversation, one Of
the party said: Suppose we now talk
about ourselves and rip up each others
character a little 90 THAT is unneces-
sary," replied thin-faced, thin
Tipped lady; "our neighbors are proba-
bly, doing that for Us" IN. Y. Press.
Music on the Home Stretch
Goodness gracious, yelled the mama
ger, meeting the leader of the orchestra
coming up. there was a terrible mess
of it half way in the last act" "And
didn't I manage it nicely ?" said the
leader. 81 caught up SO that even you
must have noticed wasn't more than
three bars behind when the curt tain
fell ',-FIieoende Blptter