davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29


gerald: there was a sensation in the
church. and the bride that was to have
been, Lucy Locksley, tainted.
The accused man grew pale. and his
knees shook.
What do you mean?" he gasped.
Why do you call me Clarence Fitzger-
ald?"
Because you are he promptly.
''Oh, have everything down fine! It
was your brother Thomas who was
hanged by mob, in Colorado by mis-
take, thinking it was you. you being
twins. You made your escape, came
east, and, imperscnating your brother.
took his place. Your wife learned your
secret, and, learning also, that you
were to be married to this young lady,
she visited you here, some four months
ago, to warn you not to marry. You
poisoned her. carried her to the railroad
track. where she was found next day,
and then. thinking that your sins
would never find you out. you pro-
ceeded with your nefarious plans 1t
is lucky for this young lady you did
not succeed
Clarence Fitzgerald weakened, and
confessed to all. Everything was just
as the detective had said. His brother
had been hung through mistake, by a
mob, and he had conceived the idea of
going back and impcrsonating the dead
man. He had done SO with marked
success. and would probably have car
ried everything through to . successful
termination, had it not been for the
conversation which Detective Ferret
overheard in the hotel rotunda, in New
York city, which set him to thinking
and led, eventually, to the unraveling
of the ''twin-brothers' mystery"
Clarence Fitzgerald expiated his
crime on the gallows.-S. A. ID. Cox, in
Yankee Blade.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
About ven.

Physician isitting down to lnnch)-
The kitchen French on this bill Of fare,
john, is simply vile.
Waiter formerly a druggists clerls)
Yes, sir It's the beastliest lingo l
know of kept doctors Latin.-Chica-
tro 'Fr h,,ps
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
Marriage In High Life.

There are people In New York who
toady after the rich. The following
conversation took place on Third ave.
nue. street car:
$50 your sister is married."
"Yes, and she did very well-splen.
did. Have you heard of Vanderbilt"
''Oh. yes. Did she marry into that
family"
well, yes, SO to speak. She married
nephew Of Vanderbilt's chief cook
He is the driver Of street car. Texas
Siftings.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
A uaYseesis. New Fence.

Mrs. Hayseed-Land sakes! Why did
you order all that barbed wire fence?
You know the cattle will alters be
hurtin' themselves
Farmer Haysced-Now don't have .
conniption fit. Mariah. We've got
plenty Of ole stuff to wrap the barbs
with.-Good News.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
A Fool Two WAYS.

Jinks-Wcll. il ever there was fool,
that man is one. He's worth a cool
million, yet there he stands waiting for
ncwsboy to bring him two cents
change out Of q nickel he gave the boy
FOR three-ccnt paper.
Blinks-Well, he is fool. OF course
he'll never see that boy again.-Demor.
est's Magazine.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
OF Human Interest.

Morris-Ilas Dumlcy any rare coins
in his numisinatic collection?
Norris Yes. lie has the first quarter
ever saved by Russell Sage. and the
only honest dollar ever made hv jay
Hould.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
Concerning the Home Plate.

Mr.. Rooter latter luncheon)-That
leg Of mutton Of ours made good base
ball run, Maria.
Mrs. Rooter-Baseb ball run? What do
you mean?
Mr.. Rooter-I'm! 1t made the rounds
OF its bascs-hot, warmed mp, cold and
-hash!-Judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
Gooa Weather.

T"uri>t-Thcse grounds are very
b"autiful--public picnic gn,undso
proprietor-ics: picnic here yester.
day.
Indeed. Did it rain and thunder and
lightnins?"
No it wasn't no Sunday-school pic.
mic. food News.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
A SAFE DEPOSIT VAULT.

Mr.. What'll we spend d
kitty fer dis ebenin', gentlemen?
Mr. Xeezar Extracting an ace)-If d
rest Oh d. club doan' mex no objections,
fink We'll CUB it to yo', SOS yo' kin &C
n git 20 hair cut fore d mex game
judge.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29

Hebrew Creditor Ito .cScri5bl's little
boyl-My little boy. ish your fodder at
home?
Tommy-Where else would he be?
Don't you see me taking his shoes to
the shoemaker to get mended? Expect
him To go around refooted?-TcXas
Siitings.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
simply Supsrlluaas.

Younghrsband-If ] were you. my
dear. wouldn't tell my friends | had
trimmed that nat myself.
Mrs Younghusband - Why, love,
would it bc coEccited?
rounghushand - No; superhuous.-
Life.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
She Want Pretty.

He--I don't think coat like that
would become you. Mamie.
She-Why not? You said miss Bright
looked simply perfect in hers.
He 1.-THE idiotl-Oh yes, those coats
are just the thing for pretty girl
Yankee Blade.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29

'Good-by, my dear friend, I am going
to leave you. am going to Canada and
will probably never come back" said a
New York youth to Gilhooly.
will never see you again."
"Never."
II say, do me one last favor Lend me
twenty-five dollars"
20, no; don't let us do anything to in
crease the pangs of our parting."x
Texas Siftings.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
Luck In Old shoes.

Boniface-So they threw old shoes at
you. We're you lucky?
Nuwed-ies; there didn't any of
them hit Gs-puck.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
For the Sake Of Quiet,

MY daughter admired both law and
music, SD had her study law"
what impelled you to that choice?"
II think practicing law is quieter
than practicing piano playing Truth
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
The Difference.

whats the difference between the
summer girl and :he summer manY"
1.-The summer man looks tritle more
effeminate than the summer girl, that's
all. Jury.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
OverexerstOn.

Kind Lady-llow did you become SO
lame?
Tramp--Overexcrtion mum.
Lady-Indeed! In what wayp
Tramp-Movin' on every time a per-
liceman tole men Y. Weekly.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29

-Chawley-"Good mawning, Jawge.
heah you've been admitted to men,
bahship in the Crusher club. Are you
a full membah?' George -"Ya-as,
occasionally. "-Philadelphia Press.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
lnNarlAlllc.

When people don't mind their own business. Ter
II the reason you'll quickly lind
They haven't got any business or
They haven't got any mind
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
A Little Secret.

''Spacer made fortune on his last
novel"
But it was suppressed"
That's why he made bis fortune
Puck
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
4 Recommendation.
i,aa,ynSt-IIaya - ciraro

. Mr.. keewest a cigar?
Mr. Fewmar No. thanks. You
mustn't be spending money on me all
the time.
Mr. keewest-Tut, These didn't cost
much. Take one. Puck
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
Old O'clock"

Little Marie was very mu ch afraid of
dogs. This was 4 pity, for some dogs
are splendid fellows. and nice play
mates for little children. Marie's mann
ma tried very hard to get her to make
friends with some good-naturcd dogs.
and pat them on the back.
Once they visited at the farm of Ma
ries uncle, who had a large dog named
.Watch."
Mamma said: Now, Marie. you must
not be afraid of this good doggie. lie
is gentle and kind. His name is Watch.
When he comes up to you, call him by
name and do not be afraid"
In little while when Marie was
playing in tie yard. she. heard Watch
bark and she forgot that she was not
to be afraid: she ran crying to mammal:
'.Oh, dear, dear! Here comes old
Clock and I'm 10 scared
Was she not Il funny little girl?-
Jesse Z. Weber in Our Little Men and
Women
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
She Had Him There.

There was once mother who was
fond Of pointing her moral lectures
with practical illustrations drawn from
the daily life of her children. And the
children showed they understood the
force of this method of instruction.
One day discussion arose in the
nursery. Will said thing was SO.
Mabel said it wasn't
but if | say it's SD, it IL So" said
Will
Saving thing is SO dotsni make it
So answered Mabel stoutly. Now
suppose you say you're good boy,
that doesn't make you one, does it?"-
Harper's Young People.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
ar]2glgY)
%N5)7552G2a

taken. lie could
not, seemingly, make any Roadway
upon it. That woman. evidently be-
longing to the higher class of society.
could be murdered. poisoned. IA was
demonstrated by the coroner's inquest.
carried and placed upon the railroad
track to be mutiiated by the trains, and
yet no traces be left by which the muir
derer could be tracked and ferrrted out.
would seem 10 be All ,npossihility. but
such had proved t. be the fact in thu,
case.
The village of Somerville was agog
with excitement. This was the first
sensation it had ever known. and the
strange murder of the lady was a mat
ter that furnished them food for com
ment for many days
Thomas Fitzgerald the chief bust
ness man of Sonerviile. and the mayor,
offered a reward OF three thousand dol
lars for the detection of the murderer.
one thousand from the town and two
thousand from his own pocket As he
was known to be a rather close man in
money matters. this iberality on the
part of Mr. Fitzgerald was a matter of
some surprise to many. Detective Fer
ret even thought it suspicious. and he
gave the mayor a good deal of quiet at
tention. 1t was of no avail. however.
and he had to finally give up and
acknowledge himself beat" lie could
not find clew.
The body of the murdered woman
was inferred in the Somerville GENE.
terry, and, soon after the renouncing of
the case by Detective Ferret, the mat
ter passed from the minds of the peo-
pie of the village.
The detective returned to the city,
and he, too, soon forgot the case, his
attention being taken up with new
ones. It was recalled to his mind one
evening. however. about four months
later, by conversation which he over
heard between two gentlemen who
were, like himself. enjoying a cigar in
the rOtunda of the hotel at which he
boarded.
II hear Fitzgerald is to be married
soon" said one.
"What. Fitzgerald of Somerville?"
the other asked.
1.-The same
well. hope his marriage will pan
out better than that of his brother
Clarence. Yon knew clarence:'
THE scapegrace? Yes"
Then you knew of his marriage.
some three years ago, with pretty Ag-
mes Weatherby. and its unhappy Sc
quel: how he squandercd her money
and then left her.
"Yes, and say. old fellow. do you
know, have sometimes thought that
the woman that was murdered and
placed on the track near Somerville
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
MISS LAURAINE MEAD,
PUPIL OF THE NEW ENGLAND c0NsERvAToR
OF music, BOSTON AND OF PROF r. T.

OF MUSIC, BOSTON AND OF PROF. 7. II.
DAVIS. or LEIPSIG c0NsER7A-
TORY or MUSIC.
The Stuttgart Method. Branches taught:
Pianoforte. Organ, Gu Tar. Theory and Har-
mony.
RATES or TUITION:
PianOforte. private instruction, per term
20 lessons. &i0Bl.
Conservatory Class system Class of two.
per term 20 lessons two per week. each pu-
pill 81 w. Class Of three. term OF - sess0ns,
per week. each pupil. $50.
same rates tor Organ and Guitar
Students pursuing one OF the above
branches will enter class In harmony and
theory. one lesson per week. 70 lessons <i.OO.
students taking private lessons. two leSsona
per week. receive the Course in Harmony
and Theory free.
Pupils REGITALS
Once each month. on SATURDAY afternoon,
pupils OF the first grades 2ivc reeitas. aud
Monday evenings. pupils n the Lighss
grades
An invitation is extended to patrons 10 At.
tend the reeitals
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
M Wonder They Ou,rrelei.

"Iou and Charlie quarreled. | hear"
YES
What about?"
''lie said he only wanted one little
kiss when had half a dozen large ones
al ready for him. Epoch.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29

Long Bill (from Lost Basin, as Al
overland bieyclist comes upl-Gentle-
men, I've seen some thin horses rode on
the roundup. but clurn me If there
amt the worst case ever see. That's
wicked
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
An Unintentional Com ;,iiment.

Sparkles 1.-THE sport)-I say, you're no
gent.
Robinson-Thanl heayen.-Puck.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
IN stage Warfare.
Flies-Whut was that for?

Wing-.itter we had gloriously de-
featcd the enemy the audience assailed
us with eggs
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29
Help! help!"
Parting bsanga.

Little boy. why didn't you tell me
you were built like giraffe?"-Life.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1891-10-29

Wing-Because ITO the victors be.
long the spoils," suppose.-N. Y.
Herald
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12
Syrian Pets.

My friend, the wife of Of an Hungar-
ian officer, was living quite contentedly
in a mud hut, and her only compan
ions were a hyena and a lynx, which
slept on her bed like two lap.dogs. The
hyena received me at the gate. and
though ! was not prepared for it. in
nocently did the right thing, as she
afterwards told me The animal came
and shifted at my hands, and then
jumped up and put its fore-paws on my
shoulders and smelled my face.
"Oh, if it takes bite out Of NV
cheek what shall do? SAID 4, my
self.
Istood as still as a statue and tried
not to draw my breath, looking it ste ID
lily in the eyes all the time. At last it
made up it mind to befriend me,
jumped down and ran before me like a
dog into the house, where / found the
lynx on the diyen. Pet number two
sprang at me, mewed and dashed his
tail till his mistress came in. She told
me that when people began to scream
or to drive the hyena away, it took the
greatest pleasure in worrying and fright.
ening them. | went afterward to the
husbands reception-ro0m. He had
gone out for a short while The hyena
had managed to get into the room, and
| found my husband, the Russian con
sui and French gentleman all sitting
on the divan with their legs well tucked
up under them, and looking absurdly
uncomfortable at the frightful beast, as
the count called it. l had a good laugh
at them, as the hyena and | were
already on very friendly terms.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12
Feathers Make the Bird.

The biggest of all really powerful
flying birds, are, believe, the wander
ing albatross and the South American
CONDOR forthe roc ] reject outright as
worthy only of the most restricted,
Arabian and nocturnal ornithOlogy,
says 4 writer Seen on the wing, or
even with the wings expanded merely,
both these great existing birds have a
most majestic and colossal appearance.
But feathars in such cases are very
deceptive; they make fine birds out of
very small bodies For example, the
well known English swift, which looks
so imposing in flight as il passes over
head with pinions poised, is hardly as
big when plucked as mans top thumb
joint, and weighs only half an ounce.
So, too, the albatross, though its ex-
panse of wing is said to exceed that Of
any other known bird, amounting
sometimes to nearly ten feet from tip
to tip, does not average in weight more
than fifteen pounds, which is just
exactly the poulterer's statement for
my last family Christmas turkey.
As for the condor, while he spans
from wing to wing some eight feet, his
length from bcak to tail is only three
and Il half, and | doubt if he would
pluck into anything corresponding to
his magnificent outer show-though |
am bound to admit that | have never
tried the unpleasant ex-
pertinent.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12
A Russians Guiding Rules.

Awopos Of the late General Seliyertoff,
one Of the Partisan papers publishes
some details of a visit he made to the
baths of Plombierre in 1885. One
evening a Parisienne gave him her
book Of confessions, and these are the
answers he wrote to the following ques-
tions-
"What woman's name do you pre-
fcr?"
eve, because, thanks to the first
created woman the Bible was written,
and know nothing more edifying than
to read it.
who is your fayorite hero?"
1T would be he who should have
the courage never to love and never to
hate
What is your political opinion?"
To aid a government TO preserve
and to develop all the good institutions
of country, provided they were con-
seryative and respected religion"
''What is your favorite virtue?"
"The capacity of never committing
an act that is not strictly honest-in
the broadcast conception Of the word
honesty"
"What romance do you prefer"
That of the woman who would
weave one for me"
Where would you like to die?'
''Amid those who love me and who
would regret me.
What wines do you prefer"
"All those that can make me Jolly"
"What would you like to have
been?"
'Invulnerabe. "
'What is your age?"
"The age of a fruit ripe enough to be
well served. "
"Your motto?"
1T is better to die than to betray a
trust
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12
Stories of Swift.

| only know one good-humored
anecdote Of Swift. 1t is very slight,
but it is fair to tell it. He dined one
day in the company of the Lord Keeper,
his son and their two ladies, with Mr.
Cesar, the treasurer Of the Navy, at his
house in the city They happened to
talk of Brutus, and Swift said some
thing in his praise, and then, as it were,
recollecting himself said
"Mr. Caesar, | beg your pardon.
One can fancy this occasion pleasant
ripple Of laughter.
There is another story cannot lay
my hands on to verify, but it is to this
effect: Faulkner, Swift's Dublin pub
Usher, some years after the dean $
death, was dining with some friends
who rallied him upon his odd way Of
eating some dish-I think, asparagus.
He confessed that Swift had told him it
was the right way, therefore they
laughed the louder, until Faulkner,
growing little angry, exclaimed
81 tell you what it is, gentlemen, if
you had ever dined with the dean, you
would have eaten your asparagus as he
babe you.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12
Seal OF the United ) aies.

The seal now in use is the fourth of
the sfries. 1t depicts the American
eagle, holding in each claw sheaf Of
thirteen arrows, and surmouuted by a
circular wreath inclosing thirteen stars,
corresponding to the original States
and encircled by the motto az Phuibus
Cntum. ~ Its mounted upon a massive
block, and it is 50 admirably constructed
mechanically that the slightest turn Of
the screw will develop all the pressure
required. The uses to which the great
seal are put are various. 1t goes upon
all commissions, pardons, and other
official documents issued bv the presi
dent; but a law passed in 1889 says it
shall not be affixed to any instrument
except a commission 'without the
special warrant of the President there
for "
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12
The German EmperOr's Mechanics.

The Berliners and the Germans. in
general delight in giving nicknames to
their popular idols or antipathies. These
nicknames are not always flattering to
their owners, and there have been
Hohenzollerns less fortunate than the
Emperor William, who is not afraid to
ask for his popular sobriquet. He
proved this at a regimental dinner at
which the Duke Of Connaught and
Prince Henry participated In the
course Of conservation the kaiser said -
They call me the travelling kaiser. Z"
don't they? | wonder if that is the
only nickname I've got
Prince Henry laughed and Major
Won Plesson, unable to control himself.
joined his royal highness.
what is itl' asked the emperor.
.'Doyou know Of any other nickname?
II SO, out with itl''
The major mumbled something about
his respect; but the emperor said
"Well, if you don't want to do it TO
please me, | command you to speak,
The major then confessed that the
emperor was known among the com.
mon soldiers as the ''Alarm Fritz. " on
account Of his habit Of suddenly. in the
middle of the night, rousing the garri.
sons OF the towns in which he might be
staying
The emperor laughed heartily at this;
ana Prince Henry remarked 10 his
brothers.
"Well, thou hast a similar name in
me navy. The boys call you "Gond5la
Lilly for 'gondoling about, as they
caH-it, on your ships constantly during
the summer and being anywhere and
everywhere on the boats "
We'll laughed the emperor "those
are three fine nicknames; but inasmuch
as All OF them paint me as busy man,
| rather like them.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12

By local applications, as they cannot reach the
diseased portion of the ear. There is only one
way TO cure deafness, and that is by constitu-
tional remedies. Deafness is caused by an in
famed condition Of the mucous lining Of the
Eustachian Tube. When this tube gets in
famed YOU have rumbling sound or imper-
feet hearing, and when ii IS entirely closed,
deafness is the result, and unless the infiam-
nation can be taken out and this tube re-
stored TO its normal condition. hearing will be
destroyed forever; nine cases out of ten are
caused by catarrh, which is nothing but an in
famed condition of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case of deafness caused by catarrhJ that we
cannot cure by taking Halls Catarrh Cure.
Send for circulars, free.
f. J. CHENEY e. Co., Toledo, 0.
Sold by druggist IS cents
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12

WhttA sc4H 1ou haze,
sickness, suffering and despair,
or health, strength, and spirit
You can take your choice.
All chronic diseases and de-
engagements peculiar to women
are permanently cured by DIR.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription.
1t restores the female func-
tons to healthy action. 1t
removes the distractions and
suppressions which cause
trouble and misery. For pc
riodical pains, internal infam-
nation, liberation and kindred
ailments, it is a positive rem
edy. The system is invig-
grated, the blood enriched, di-
gestion improved, melancholy
and nervousness dispelled.
It's a legitimate medicine, the
only 0ate that's guaranteed to
give satisfaction in the cure
of all female complaints"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1891-06-12

In all delay there is loss, and while
we cannot compute or measure it, we
may rest assured that it is one that can
never be made up. Therefore, if we
mean to pay our debts, to discharge
our obligations, to accord love, honor.
gratitude to whom they are due, to
render help or sympathy to those who
need it, let us do it promptly and with
out delay, for only thus can we be truly
faithful and just, loving and true.