Connecticut western news., 1891-10-22
THE LADY CASHIER.

twenty years have never been one m1n- ute late. and yet say and believe that punctuality is an execrable vice Who does not despise the man who always arrives on time. appearing just when one is trying to finish some occupation. and watch in hand. saying blandly. "Am not punctual?" Yes, sir, after serving as regulator for all the clocks in my neighborhood for twenty years, l re- peat, punctuality is execrable l am cured of it, for it was the cause of the greatest disappointment of my life Listen. and judge for yourself
 For seven long years l had break lasted at one restaurant; every morning at exactly five minutes past Il l opened the door and at precisely five minutes before noon closed it.
 It is useless to describe the lady cashier; suffice it to say that from the instant tasted my first cup of coffee in that restaurant she reigned in my heart.
 Did my glances express my feelings? cannot say, but 1 know that for seven years we loved in silence It took just that length of time for me to get near enough to speak to her, as had to work my way from table No. 2, which first occupied, up to table No. 1, which stood next to the cashiers desk. was too punctual to arrive an instant earlier at the restaurant than the six other guests. and as they were as exact as l, was obliged to employ strategy to dislodge them.
 The first man, at table No. 6, was easily disposed of While waiting to be served amused myself in cutting corks, and the sound set his teeth on edge and annoyed him SO much that he went into the next room. and took his place.
 Six months after chance came to my aid and relieved me of No. o. A waiter broke goblet and spilled coffee on the table. and the occupant being supersti- tious insisted on changing his seat, so moved up again.
 In the course of the next two meals l succeeded in making myself obnoxious to No. 4, who had 8 habit of taking a little nap immediately after his break fast l contrived, by tilting my chair, to knock his repeatedly, so that at last he got up and left in fury.
 No. held out only one day against me. 1 made bread and butter black with caviare and soaked it in my coffee, and the sight of the mess made my neighbor so sick that he fled precipitately and hardly had time to get out of the room.
 Then l sat next to No. 9. An. shall never forget that mani It took me four years to get rid of him, and but for the encouraging glances of my angel l should have given up in despair Per haps you wonder why 1 did not come to breakfast two hours earlier, when would have had my choice of tables That would have been simple matter to most men, but was 8 victim to the folly of punctuality.
 To return to No. 3. tried cork cut ting, putting caviare in my coffee and dancing about on my chair, but it was all in vain. Then discovered that the man was stone deaf besides being blind in one eye. decided, therefore, to at tack him through his pocket, and ac- cordingly made practice of surrepti- tously putting cups, glasses and decan- ters close to his elbow, on the blind side, and he invariably knocked them down and had to pay damages. Every day there was heap of broken glass and china on the floor between us, and every day he paid the cost uncomplainingly. The restaurant keeper profted largely by these accidents, for he had the afnict- ed guest served with cracked and broken ware and charged him the price of new on its being demolished.
 At the end of four years No. 3 had de- | stroyed as much table ware as would suffice to set up in housekeeping all the savsges of Oceanica, those people who have so few Injuries that one pair of gloves Is sufficient to make clothes for ten men. Poor Mo- 2l l pity him now, for have learned that the reason he clung to his post so pertinaciously was that he too adored the lady cashier. had no mercy on him, however, and be- ing at the end of my resources had re- solved to put the police on his track, when he was one day knocked down and killed by one of those butchers wagons which are allowed, l know not why, to rush through Paris streets at full speed. The next morning seated myself at table No. 3, where, although not quite within the promised land, enjoyed it's delicious fragrance breathed the odor of the orange flower water which she poured into hideous little onion shaped bottles.
 Only one obstacle now separated me from her, my beloved It was No. 1. determined to crush him, and from that day war was declared between US. He was terrible man, formerly a captain of gendarmes, strong as Turk, with heavy beard and mustache. There was 8 certain amount of gallantry and senti- ment, however, under his rough exterior, for he used to fix his great eyes upon the lady cashier, and repeat, hour after hour these words, "I am like the ivy; die where l attach myself"
 The prospect did not console me in the least, for he looked as if he would live to be 8 hundred. l tried to win the monster by relating amusing tales and making puns, but he suddenly dampened my ardor by saying, as he twisted hi,
 mustache hercely:
 "Are you not aware, sir. that it wa
 owing to his wasting time in makinl
 puns that Grouchy arrived too late a
 Waterloo?"
 This piece of historical information
 astonished me not little, and l felt tha If France could mislay her code fo twenty-four hours l would joyful
 stab the terrible captain-in the back
 At last Heaven took pity on me and m love and sent an epidemic sicknes
 which carried of my rival
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