Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-10-28

$1,000 ~ St - J. "~~f 10y =, 49,
give up, they he'd; an KEEP
playin' an they KEEP marchin', an
don't We see, jes' as we was march,
in round the old tahvern stand
old Bob Barker KEEP it then, he was
stannin' on the steps, an if he was
alive he'd tell it jes' as I'm tellin' it
we was a marchin' round the
tahvern stand an | playin' all
alone, an'-now it's jes' as | tell we
i blowed that fife so, don't We see,
that jes' as we was a comm round
the corner, | blowed so, that she
opened! Split from eend to eend,
as true as I'm a settin' here; an
there was six silver FERRIS on it, an
airy one on 'em as long as yer
fnger!"
Sam would run on without a smile
for an hour at time telling these
things, and with hardly pause for
breath, but the yarns, although
never dull to the ear, were generally
too prolix and too heavily laden with
notes and references for type. There
is space for but the conclusion of
one of his other stories, one of a
large class told to show the teller's
physical prowess. Somebody in a
little knot of village idlers complain
ed of toothache one day. Sam
heard the remark, and Immediately
launched out into description of
the torments once inflicted by one
of his own grinders, celebrating and
charging upon every detail until it
seemed as if the world never held
the like of either tooth or ache since
the beginning of time. At last,
Sam said, he started out to have the
offender extracted, and the operation
was described thus: 81 went up to
old DR.. Powers house an found him
out in the garden holm beans-the
beans was up bout four inches high;
why, Lord bless me! | remember it
jes' as well of if twas yesterday-he
was out there holm away, an the
minnit he see me he knew there was
trouble. SEE l; Doctor, want we
to pull my TOOTH seq l. He looked
at me a minnit, an | see him kind
er begin ter shake, do you see, and
tremble, and sezee, I'D like to obleege
neighbour sezee, an you've allus
ben a good friend ter me, but Pratt
sezee, Il dassent. You're a turrible
strong man. sezee, AN | dassent.'
| jes' give him one look, an, tell
We he started! He run an got his
pullers, an | sot down on the door
step, and he come, and seq /, Now
l don't want we to pull but jes' once,
seq |. Jes, once An he give one
pull, an that tooth went whiz!
chuck! an struck oyer in the park
bout ten rod off, an plowed up the
dirt jes' as you've seen rifle balls! |
sot on the steps-they were wooden
steps-an' Zerah Lull stood right
there; he was goin' up to the saw
mill an stopped; he stood right
there with his face as white as the
drippin' snow, and if he was alive
he would remember it jest as re-
member tan I gripped them steps
with my hands; now it's jes' as Pm
a tellin' ye! | gripped them steps
so that if the boards was there We
could go to-day an see the dents my
fingers made in 'em!
81 and Jim were, reckoned by Or
binary standards, liars of high rank,
but their efforts seemed to lack both
strength and color when compared
with Toms stories. Tom was the
flower of the family. He fortified
himself by referring to witnesses
less than Sam did, but had an i'm
pressiveness of manner and round
ness Of assertion which his brother
lacked, and he was more sententious
and concise, and in strength and
creative power left the other far be-
hind. In q word, if Sam had talent,
Tom had genius. Tom was not
given to mirth, and only smiled in
a plying way when some irreyerent
listener questioned a statement or
asked an explanation; and it must
be said that doubts and questions
never went unsatisfied. Anything
approaching an expression of unbe-
lief would open the very floodgates
of history. Toms weather-beaten
countenance would break up for a
moment in a commiserating smile,
and then there would come such a
string of absurdities, delivered with
the utmost gravity and earnestness
that the doubtor had only to restrain
himself from breaking out into
roars of laughter. Laughing. how