The Sunday herald and weekly national intelligencer., 1891-08-16


have carbuncle on the pack of my neck.
Ihis Is not quoted from my diary. 1t did not
occur last summer In Europe. 1t is occurring
now, at this particular moment In our own
free country. Job, an ancient gentleman of
some local notority, once turned his attention
TO Doll culture, and in this enterprise we are
told ne was horribly successful. The most
remarkable feature about this peculiar calling
and that which made it most famous, was the
reputed fact that during his whole ssbo,lsome', !
career he never as much as said ssGreat
Caesar, how these things do hurt - This
astonished his countrymen, and Job at once
became the topic of conversation at the corner
grocery, the sewing circles and the missionary
meetings. In short, he was famous, and like
Ward McAllister and Stanley, wrote book.
But mark you Job had boils, not carbuncles.
This makes the story plausible, and shows
that Job was man of discernment and great
perspicacity. Had Job staggered about and
boasted that he had produced single we'll
developed, active carbuncle without breaking
up the furniture and kicking every living
creature off the premises, he would have been
put down as dangerous man, and the people
In the nelghborhood would have locked up
their valuables and gone heavily armed But
JOB knew the danger of OVERRIDING thing.
and stopped at boils. After moving about the
house for three or four days in perfectly
rigid position very much resembling those re-
volving wax figures in show windows, and
muttering words now and then, which it will
not do to repeat, / finally called physician.
Now, when am feeling well, my favorite
pastime is to abuse physicians. call them
scoundrels, quacks, extortioners, and un-
regenerate reprobates. usually succeed in
tracing every evil, every scandal every sor-
row, every disaster-in short, every undesir-
able and unchristian feature of life to the
existence OF physicians. | never pretend to
pay DOCTORS bill. If after spending his
strength, time, and much-needed rest in
carefully tidingsme over a serious illness, the
doctor timidly ventures to present bill that
scarcely covers the cost of his drugs, fly into
passion and rave like madman. ssWhat,n
exclaim In my righteous indignation. 'sYou
nave the audacity to ask pay for we'll nigh
killing me and irreparably breaking down my
constitution ?" And the man who gives his
life to relieving the ills of his fellow creatures
goes home empty-handed and sick at heart
when he thinks OF his grocery bill, his over
due rent and his last bushel Of coal. Of course
my cigar bill, my wine account, my tailor's
bill, my cab bill, my washerwoman, my fur
nisher, the florist, the club dues, the theatre
tickets, all these, of course must be paid. But
the doctor's bill-Oh, WELL nobody pays that,
or II they ever do, it is put off indefinitely
In Germany the doctors bill is debt of honor
and when one fails to promptly pay it, when
he Is able, he is ostracized from good society
and treated as sneak
/ once practiced medicine, but made fail
ure of 1t and now never miss an opportunity
to slander and malign everything connected
with the profession. So called physician
to look at my carbuncle. Ihave abused every
member of the family so often during the last
few days that they don't seem to be surprised
fol han So Fol
to get my accustomed relief from this source
and thought at least the presence of physi-
clan would furnish me new material for my in
vectives. He came and called me ''Sgel." He
has known me all my life. In fact, If l re-
member correctly, met him before had even
formed the acquaintance of my parents. At
various times he has nursed me through the
measels, the mumps, hives, chicken pox,
Whooping cough, rash, Group, and all the
diseases incident to childhood He used to
take me on his knee and / have rather a
distinct impression that he used to spank me
occasionally when | became obstreperous. He
has had almost as much to do with my early
existence as my parents. But / had now been
away from home for several years; l had be-
come, as l thought, rather dignified and awe
inspiring, especially in the presence of my old
associates, who still tend the herds and culti-
vate the soil. | now wrote IN. Dr. after my
name, had Travelled in Europe, and wore loud
clothes When, therefore, | met our old
PhJoiCidu u SrCctIDR SOue-
thing like this; "Sir, 1t affords me unbounded
pleasure to grasp the hand of one so dis
rnguished and promising, one who has sur
mounted the obstacles to fame and honor.
Allow me on behalf of your early associates to
welcome back to his old home one who has
been an honor to his country and a shining
example for noble aspirations" But didn't
get It. The brown-faced, genial old Doctor
hustled In as he always did and simply said,
Hello, how's your neck in and without wait
Ing Tor an answer moved up behind me and
began undoing the bandage. He treated me
In no way different from when / was child,
aud wholly ignored my medical opinions and
gave all his directions without even asking
my approval. l forgave him, though, It
seemed so good to see his accustomed figure
once again amid the familiar scenes OF my
childhood. For the time forgot the recent
years of my life and felt myself again back In
those early happy days. Nothing is more
salutary than to go back to our old homes ia
the country now and then. After winter
wasted In the hollow mockery of so-called
fashionable society nothing makes one feel so
small, so warped, SO deceitful, so sin-stained
as visit to the quiet scenes of one's child
hood, hallowed by noble aspirations, pure
thoughts, and unselflsh deeds. How each fa-
miliar object recalls some manly action, some
honest VOW long since broken, some laudable