Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-05-22
4 NATAL HURRAH

A sense OF humor is common to the
American people, and humor itself is
contagious at long distances. Doubt
less more than half Of the daily news
papers in the United States yesterday
morning that contained an account of
the extraordinary political meeting at
Cincinnati on the day previous, headed
the news with the words 1.-The Child
is Born" or something Of that nature,
and all the other lines in the heads we're
more or less facetious. The meeting
was what, for the lack Of a more ex-
presslye general name, might be called
a daisy. Jesse Harper, the Illinois
greenbacker, started in for a speech
on his crankism and was inconti-
nently sat upon by the committee on
credentials. Then Grover, of Wis
consin, began a harraDgue in opposi-
tion to a new party, and was promptly
thrown out Of the whole thing by the
sergeant-at-arms, amid cries of "Sit
down" "Put him out" etc. A woman
crank, Mrs. Cougar, Of Indiana,
jumped onto the convention because
II accepted banquet rendered by
brewers, and worked in her prohibit
tion augur, but the thirsty delegates
ignored her diatribe. Then Pfeffer
proceeded TO attack everything ION
the earth beneath, and the waters
under the earth" and while the wind
blew through his whiskers reformed
everything that has not heretofore
been reformed and even some of those
things, and sat down amid the smiles
and boquets Of the suffrage shriekers
and dreamed OF the White House. An
appeal for funds to defray the ex-
penses OF some OF the delegates from
South Carolina gave the convention
for few moments a look OF solemn
and serious contemplation of things
material, until L. l.. Polk appeared in
spirit by letter and asked that the
birth OF the party be postponed for a
year, regardless of all the laws Of ges-
tation, but Pfeffer and Ignatius Don
nelly we're both wild to be the father
OF something, and so the remarkable
case OF obstetrics proceeded and a
platform was evolved warranted to do
things that would make patent medi-
cine prospectus turn green, even IL
II had been printed blood red on cream
laid foolscap. The platform grabs
national banks and throws them into
the deep blue sea, loans money at
per cent. to all who want il on any
thing they can lay a claim to, plays
with taxation and alien ownership,
culls good things from all the parties
that ever had any, recommends uni
versal suffrage, flirts with the labor
unions, SHES a dornick at transporta-
tion companies, and tries to be ex-
ceedingly cute in every posi- lie direc-
ton.
After this remarkable document had
been properly cooked the kilograms
say the delegates moved the adoption
of the platform as read "amid a per-
feet cyclone OF enthusiasm" The
convention went wild, and the dele
gates mounted chairs and tables,
shouting and yelling like Comanches.
A portion Of the convention in thun-
derous chorus sang the tune, GOOD
Bye, My Lover, Good Bye" to the
words "Good Bye, Old Parties, Good
Bye" and then the "Doxology." The
tumult, surprising in its remarkable
audiences and vigor anything that
had ever previously taken place In the
lasted fully a quarter Of
an hour, till it ceased from sheer ex-
n OF the delegates. When the
plank recommending universal sur