The historic times., 1891-11-14
lCE-CREAM AND LOVE.
The Cooling and the Warming Connections


The Cooling and the Warming CONNECTIONS
Compared.
Love and ice-cream are closely allied
No man ever fell head over heels into
the tender passion that his white, gauzy
delirium did not lead him where the
stuff is sold; in fact, it is easier for .
giraffe to pass through cellar window
than it is for young man in love to get
past an ice-cream saloon without being
drawn into the maelstrom and made to
settle. l never was in love, but have
dallied at the confectionery store
where grass widow smiled and
smiled and charged me ten cents a
dish for frozen pudding, concocted Of
corn starch. stale eggs and yester-
days skim milk, with bergamont and
other favors. Even in the smaIlness
of the dish the widow worked off on
me, its fiber could be easily detected,
but the guile of the widow was OF the
fresh Alderney kind, and she smote
my wallet daily until, fearful of dys-
peptic death or a concrete liver, / de-
parted from the town, leaving the dear
disconsolate to freeze on to some other
victim. 1t is to ice cream that torrid
love seeks an apothesis. A young man
ready to die for his sweetheart and car
rying pistols for the other fellow, will
find his passion soothed and his knowl-
edge of human nature enhanced when
he has to pay fifteen cents spoonful
for frozen cornstarch and ten cents
more for a piece of cake about the
size of a postage stamp. But after
all ice cream has its uses 1t cools the
lovers fevered soul, prevents suicides
and makes a fellow love some other
girl just as well as the one he previous
lywanted to die for. There is no MUIR
der in the heart after filling up on the
vanilla-scented stuff, and after shovel
ling in quart or so you feel that the
world and yourself are even. Without
ice cream there would be no picnics.
The home for the aged supper would
lose it's attractiveness were it not for
the cone of snowy cream, and several
more, at least two, oysters would have
to be added to the soup at the church
fair supper if this delectable freeze was
not added to the bill of fare. The man
who enjoys religion, treason, strata
gem and spoils, also feels his
palate tickled and the ragged edge
worn off by this confection. Girls have
been saved from dying old maids by
having steered some timid shrinking
man into the place where it is sold, and
bachelors have hastened to change their
lonesome state after tasting some out |
of the young lady's dish who sat oppo-
site. Ice cream was invented in the
New England states, and when the old !
puritans began to eat it they quit hang !
ing witches. It's nice thing to have |
in the house when you have company |
for dinner as it saves you from the NOR
titication OF having your guests say that |
you hadn't anything to eat. l once |
knew good housewife who stood up a |
meal against some purse-proud visitors,
which consisted of picked beets and |
corn-starch cream, and the guests never
noticed the lack of other viands. | |
should have added that the ice |
water was furnished as an entree to |
the meal. l went to some of the /
guests funerals a couple days after
and they wore a smile, but corpse
can ''smile and smile and be william"
Dogs and cats won't eat ice cream, but
that's nothing against it. Lovers and
people who attend picnics do, and taken
with some Observation-Disclosures bis
cults and canned beef, person can en-
joy himself like an angel sitting on the
rim of golden cloud and playing ''The
Merchant of Venice" on three dollar
guitar. My advice to my young gentle
men friends is not to buy expensive
love powders to secure the affections of
the tender gender, but load them up
with ice cream. If a man were Cali I
ban and bought a pretty girl dish of
cream with orange ice and cake, she
would love him, though all the world
berated her choice. There's nothing
in the world SO cold as ice cream, that
warns the heart until it purrs like a
maltese kitten after a saucer of milk
Mai McFlipp, in Elmira TELEGRAM