The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1891-06-25
cARMfN.s huMoR.
Some Examples Of tho witty Replies
Made to Curious Ouestioncrn.

Some Examples OF tho witty Replies
hIade to Curious Questtonors.
In the matter Of tremendously CONVEX
sation the London Jehu has probably
no equal, says tho London Tid-Bits.
For shrewdncss ind originality his OBJ
servations will compare favorably with
the utterances Of nny other class of
men. 1t is, however, as street humor-
list that cabby displays to most advan-
tagc his natural gifts; and it is no cxag-
geration to say that he never misses an
opportunity for turning his talent to
good account.
One member of the genus was being
chaffed once in regard to his badness.
81 was always bald" replied cabby.
'Cos why? My mother 'ad so often to
pat me on the cd an say: We'll done,
Sam, my boyp so she wore all my 'uir
Off" Again, bus horse had fallen
down on the slippery asphalt in Oxford
street, and for time traffic was great
~ impeded. Just then cabby came
along on the off side, and took in the sit
uation at glance. Addressing himself
to the policeman in attendance, and
pointing with his whip to the PROSTATE
stccd, he said: "Why don't yer take
lis name and address, sir?"
wOrdy contest between cabby and
his fare generally ends in the discom-
future of the latter and the amusement
of the onlool1crs. On one occasion two
middle-aged ladies of sour and misery
aspect had engaged n cab to take them
to the Royal academy. In discharging
the driver, in the presence of n throng
of people, they handed him his fare in
siXpcnccs and threc-penny pieces. He
counted them carefully, and in reply to
tartly uttered question by one of the
ladies, answered:
We'll, no marin, it amt right. But
rs We must ave been IL long time saving
up for this yerc hannual treat, l won't
be hard on yc;" at which the two ladies
hurried Off, amid the Unsurpassed
laughter of the sigEtscers.
On another occasion, Il "hansom"
drew up ut the entrance of we'll
known place of entertainment in the
Strand. a gorgeously appareled mashcr
alighted, and, having assisted out q lady
who accompanied him, handed the
driver the exact legal fare. Cabby
looked ut it for few seconds, turned it
over in his hand, and then III loud but
benevolent tones exclaimed: "'Adn't
you an the lady better get in again, sir,
an ave yer moneys worth? l could
ave done yer another twenty yards for
this he added, and giving another look
at the coin, expressive of the utmost
contempt, he slowly arranged his knee
cloth and drove away.
In the way of satirical humor, the
following will require deal of beating.
A "hansom" was being driven along Il
leading thoroughfare ut pretty smart
pace, when another cab coming from
the opposite direction ran into it with
just sufficient force to lodge the collid-
ing horses head on the back of the 9TH
CT horse.
The expected outburst of strong adj
jectival language did not take place;
but instead the driver of the hanson
that had been run into sat still, and,
with whitening politcness, observed to
the other driver: when your 'oss ave
seen all e wants to see across my 'oss's
back, p'r'aps Ell get down. But, bless
yer art, there's no hurry"
1t is always amusing to listen to the
sulphurous exchange of compliments
between cabby and 'busman, who is
often sufficiently clover at rcpnrtec to
cause cabby's attempts at ridiculc to re-
coil on his own head. Here is case in
point One afternoon Il westward-going
bus picked up lady and gentleman
right out of the very hands of cabby in
Piccadilly.
In pulling up, the bus very nearly
came to grief against n heavy van. This
was the Jchu's chance. you're a nice
sort of party to ave charge of the eds
of families, you are!" he shouted to the
bus driver. why didn't you bring
yer mother out to 'elp yc old the 'osses
on their fect?"
Like n lightning fash came the rctort:
Bring my mother out, indeed, while
there's such faces as yours knock
in about the streets. Not mel don't
want to ave the old CONAN frightened
to death. She's been too good a mother
to me-"