Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1891-08-13

pour it back in the Jug" The editor,
In all probability, is not q moonshiner
now.
PRoF. GARNER, having discovered
that monkeys possess an articulate Ian
guage, will confer favor on the world
by reporting what the monkeys say OF
the people who poke canes and parasols
into their cages.
TIE nations of the earth see q
mighty good example in the way that
John Bull and Brother Jonathan settle
The seal question. Their heads are
level. and both English and American
women can continue to wear seal-skin
,cloaks.
AN Atchison girl has q tear bottle
that she cries into. When it is full,
she will send it to her lover as q proof
Of her grief at his absence. 1t is hoped
that it will not become a fad. Girls
are too nice and pretty to spoil every
thing by going around crying into bot
ties.
A MAN of the name of Rosander, resi-
dence Stockholm, has discovered new
lymph cure for cancer. If it is paral-
lei in its results with Dr. Koch's great
discovery it may in time become as GER
tain cure for pain and disease as a
dose of strychnine, or an ak, or a re-
volver.
FATE seems to make things fit in
nicely. Just as wood was giving out
coal was discovered, just as whale oil
was about exhausted petroleum was
found, and now just as we have about
given up hope of being angels Mr..
Maxim assures us that his flying ma
chine viii soon be ready.
The Prince of Wales nor no other
man occupying exalted place could
have carried on his excuses and held
his place in good society in the United
States. The public press would have
roasted him and served him done, long
ago. The English press is doing q good
deal of roasting as the case stands.
How MUCH better off is a man at the
end of q week than he was at its begin
ming? He is just as poor, little older,
q little more tired out, q little more
irritable, and little less hopeful. If
he ever sits down and reckons it all up,
he is either hopeful fool or very
brave man if he continues cheerful.
A BALTIMORE surgeon has restored
q mans eye to usefulness after a sup
posed blindness of three years by put
ting new lining in the eyelid. He
found the material for this on the mans
own person, n process involving much
less suffering than cutting samples to
match from willing but unfortunate
friends.
THAT young minister at st. Gather
ines, Ontario. who ordered a crying
baby to be removed from his church,
may not have committed heresy, but
he has at least struck hornets nest.
And yet there is q precedent. It was
Charles Lamb, was it not, who when
disturbed by a vociferous infant, sug-
gested the drinking of a toast to
Herod?
If you are thinking of getting mar
ried, make up your mind to meet a
great many troubles and disappoint-
ments. 1t is this making a hero of q
plain plug man, and an angel of an
ordinary woman, that is the cause of so
much disappointment and divorce. The
disilluson process is always a painful
one. 1t is especially so when marriage
is the cause of it.
THE Rev. Sam Small has been fred
out of the Methodist Church by the
unanimous vote of the conference. This
is about right and proper. A relig-
ious privateer has no more business
cruising under the honorable flag of a
respectable sect than the pirate of the
seas has under the ensign of an enlight-
ened nation Let Small continue his
doctrinal piracy under the black flag,
if continue he must.
SALooNKEEPERs and others who deal
IN cigars would do well to closely study
the law enacted by the last Congress in
regard to the sale of cigars. The gov
eminent law on the subject says CT
gars must be sold to the customer di-
rect from the properly stamped box. a
dealer who takes out q handful of CT
gars and lays them before the buyer, to
chose from, or a saloonkeeper who
brings a customer cigar on q plate or
IN glass, makes himself liable to a
fine of 500.
PHILADELPHIA has been q Jest for
many year on account of its slow
going ways. and there is ground for all
the filings that have been made at
1t. 1t Is only now. when one may see
IN the east the flush that precedes the
dawn of the twentieth century, that q
free library Is assured TO that city.
Even this Is based upon beluest, and
bequest of $780, 900. If the people
Of the Quaker City had been given a
better opportunity to educate them
selves, they might not have deposited
their money In the keystone Bank.
A COLONY of twenty-five Poles sailed
nom New York recently for their old
homes, stating that they were disap-
pointed with the country. They had
been told that it Was studded with gold
mines. and free homes were ready for