Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1891-04-24
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Only the Hustler Can Succeed in Il
West,

West.
We extract the following from the last
issue of the Arizona Kicker:
In TowN.-We received a call Yesterday
from Major Jim Porter, of Deep Cut. who
owns the biggest mule ranch in all Ari-
iona, and who will probably be our next
governor. The history Of the major is that
of other hustling, energetic men. Failing
as lawyer in Chicago he came west, killed
man at Cheyenne, bought an old mining
claim in Nevada, shot another man in
Idaho, ran for sheriff in Colorado, killed a
man at Tombstone, and finally settled down
on a ranch at Deep Cut to enjoy the fruit
of his labors and take things easy. His
case is one which the youths of our coun-
try would do well to emulate.
A NEW ENTERPRIsE-The Kicker is
proud to announce in its present issue that
Colonel Gilders, the interchangeable and emf
nent president of the Great Western Faro
exchange, will begin the erection of a hand
some block of stores about April /, 1891
This news is exclusive with The Kicker,
as all important local news is.
Colonel Gilders came to this town so
poor that he had to borrow a sandbank to
sleep on. His qualities were first brought
to public attention when he broke the post
masters jaw. He next killed cowboy
over on Scott's Run, followed it up by
planting Mccoy, the halfbreed, in good
shape, and in year had won q high place
in the esteem of his fellow townsmen
Nothing succeeds like success, and nothing
brings success so rapidly as hustlng.
THEY GOT I.EFT.-Last week we had a
few words of fatherly advice for the crowd
down the river That they are bad gang
no one outside their ranks disputes. They
are always blowing, quarreling and shoot
ing, and our sheriff says the gang does not
hesitate to take in a sheep or a steer now
and then without inquiring who is the
owner We advised them to wash up,
shave up and git up and be white, and had
something to say about a visit from a Wig
lance committee in case they did not mend
their ways.
Tuesday night we got word that the
gang were coming over to get revenge. In
company with a few friends we took up a
strategic position outside the office and
waited. About midnight nineteen of the
river crowd rode up, forced the front door
of the Office with rush, and dashed in to
secure our scalp.
1t wasn't there.
1t was outside.
We dropped a chap named Pete Riocado,
a halfbreed, and the remainder were al
lowed to ride off in panic We didn't
really mean to kill Pete, but the elevation
of our shotgun was too high, and he fell
over without a kick. The coroner's in
quest, coffin, undertaking, etc, cost us
sl3.25 but it wasn't such bad investment
He makes No. 10 in our private graveyard,
and the gang has been taught great
moral lesson. Pay no attention whatever
to the rawlings Of our contemporary. He
tried to steal the bones of dead mule and
half an acre of sand lot to start p. z. of
his own, but was detected and had to pub
licly apologize.
OUR NEW MAN.-The story on our fourth
page, entitled Bosnia, the Man Eater" is
from the fscile pen of a tenderfoot from
Denver, who is working for us at a salary
of "a per week. We rather like the style,
and it makes ''phat" for the printers.
Year TIA"
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