The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1891-07-27
Ihe Feo.s are not aII De adj.

| A lazy man, whose horses and cart were stuck
| In the mud prayed to Jupiter for help. Jupiter
answered: "Fooli get up and put your shoulder
to the wheel, and do not call on me when you can
help yourself" Foolish people buy medicines
hap-hazard, blindly trusting to promises made
ioithoad a guarantee. DIR. Pierce's Golden Medi-
cal Discovery, is guaranteed TO cure colds, coughs
all lung affections, and even Consumption, in its
early stages. 1t puts to rout all stomach troubles
purihes the blood, gives healthful action to the
sluggish liver, and drives blemlshes from the skin
1t is an honest medicine, and an invaluable health
insurance policy which should never be allowed
to lapse. Ali druggists keep it.
Did He Mean What He Said?
Bjenks i want you to come up to my house.
DOCTOR right away.
DIR. Bolus-Whos sick?
Bjenks- Oh. Mrs, BjeDks and the baby are
both ailing. thought you might as well kill two
| birds with one stone.-Somervllle Journal.
| Ayers Sarsaparilla cures liver complaint, rheu-
| matism, and all diseases of the blood.
| Pupils who learn Shy ear" without thought as
to the meaning of things, contrive TO afford good
| deal of amusement to their teachers. Recently a
| teacher in a grammar school asked one Of her
| boys the meaning OF "topaz?"
"A topaz" said the boy, sis where the mules
walk when they're drawing canal boat."-Ex-
| change.
no not suffer from sick headache a
| moment longer. 1t is not necessary. Carter's
Little Liver Pills will cure you. Dose, one little
| pill. Small price. Small dose. Small pill.
Jack (who has been called In for punishment
| and regaled with an account of his misdoings)-
| Did Dick Van Twiller tell you that, mammaP
Mamma-Yes, Jack.
Jack (reproachfuly) you believed him9
Mamma-Yes Jack.
Jack-WelI, 1 don't blame you for believing
| him. He's the most beautiful liar in the whole
school!-Boston Beacon.
Always avoid harsh purgtive pills.
| They first make you sick and then leave you con-
stipated. Carriers Little Liver Pills regulate the
bowels and make you well. Dose. one pill.
An Example to Age.
Deacon Hardfacts, PRESIDENT Anti Tobacco So
| ciety-Young man. am seyenty-Dine years old,
and never smoked a puff of tobacco in my life.
Young America (puffing cherooD Well, you are
| not 100 old 10 learn yet. Cato learned Greek at
eighty, you know.-Puck.
Lydia Pinkhams warning to mothers should
be needed by all, and "Guide TO Health and
Etiquette" needed by every Mother and Daughter
| in the civilized world.
A Rapid Age.
Uncle Abner (of Gray Forkel What's the mat
/ ter, Maria? You look kinder doeful
Maria-l was over In the graveyard TO-DAY, Alb
ner; and tell you this ere place is gettin' too
lively. Why, there was a lot o. new graves o.
people never hearn tell on?-Puck.
Use Halls Hair Remover and retain the natural
color and beauty of the hair.
Cyril lin the garden) -Fatheri Father Look
| out of the window!
Paterfanilas quitting out his head)-What a
| nuisance you children are! What do you want
| now?
| fellow)-Johnnie Cope wouldn't believe you'd got
| no hair on the top OF your head.-Canadan lid
| Bits.
Baby cried.
| Mother sighed,
| Doctor prescribed: Castorpi
Traveler-This is famous section for feuds, 1
understand
NatiTe-No more peaceful parts anywhere than
right here. No feuds; everything as pleasant as
| pie.
:, Traveler-But how about the Ellington Wei
| lington feud?
Mative-oyer long ago. I'm Ellington.
w aTT,aiveiteImlndeed! haven't met any of the
Ns MStVy OsV nor you won't The feud is over
Small boys and green apples are now one in
poay' use Johnson's Anodyne Eminent for