Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1891-12-26
A LITTLE NONSENSE.


The man who thinks the boy who lives
next door to him is a good boy has not
yet been found.-Texas Siftings.
Up in Theology.-Wool-Do you know
anything about the doctrine of election?
Van Pelt-Only in a general way-vote
carly and often.
Fingers were made before forks, re-
marked Miss Elder at the table. Mine
weren't, " replied Miss Flipp spitefully.
-Harper's Bazaar.
Germany's new army rifle has bullet
shaped like cigarette, 1t could not have
been patterned after a more deadly
model.-Chicago Mail.
Somebody has said that the man who
pays his rent has to hustle, and the man
who doesn't pay his rent is obliged to
keep moving.-Lynn Item.
Il know, said tiny maiden, 81 l-now
how to be polite. You must say yes,
ma'am to lady and mo, ma'am' to q
gentleman. Youths Companion.
Some one once said that he could al.
most hear the grass grow. We disbe-
lieved him until, while crossing Holmes
Field the other day, we distinctly heard
it mown.-Harvard Lampoon.
Inclined Toward Indulgence.-"I have
such an indulgent husband!" said little
Mrs. Doll. eyes; so George says" re-
sponded Mrs. Spiteful. Sometimes in
dulges too much, doesn't he?"-Boston
Transcript.
Figurative Zoology .-Little Harold for
the first time saw tame rabbit twitching
its lips as it munched a cabbage leaf.
"Oh, look, mamma, he cried. The rab-
bits winking at me with its nose. -
Kate Fields Washington.
AT recent examination in geography
in one of the public schools the teacher
asked: what valuable things are taken
out of the earth ?" Much to her amaze
ment one young hopeful Immediately re-
piled "Clams and mummies. Boston
Times.
He Didn't Forget model husband
was seen on a Detroit street car recently.
He had a letter written by his wife stuck
in his hat hand, so as to have a sure thing
on mailing it. There was not lady in
the car who did not catch on and smile
approvingly.
Too Enticing.-Judge-How came you
to enter the house? "But just think,
your honor! Two o'clock at night; no
policeman within a half a mile; an open
window on the first story! Why, you
would have climbed in yourself!"-Flie-
gende Blatter.
Road Agent Ito pedestrian)-Money or
your life. Pedestrian (calmly)-Which
do you prefer, sir? Road Agent (gruffiy)
Your money, of course Pedestrian
| handing it over)-Isn't it good thing
that we both can be suited? Now, | had
much rather have my life.-The Sun.
At the Zoo.-She-"Is that the rattle
snake?" Attendant ayes, marin. "
"How many rattles has he?" "Fifteen
and a button" May make him rat
| JiS CeIJulul1 lldL liz w lldV hluoG
do?" "You touch the button, and he
will do the rest. "-Arkansaw Traveller.
In a Southern Village.-Gentleman
(who has engaged aged colored hackman
to drive him from the station to the no
teI)-Say, uncle, what's your name?
Driver-My name, sab, is George Wash
ington. Gentleman - George Washing
ton! Why, that name seems famil-
lar. Driver-Well, fo' de Lawds sake!
I should think it ought to. Here been
drivin' to this station TO- about 20 years,
sah,-Brooklyn Life.
A Yale student recently handed in a
paper to his professor, and was surprised
the next day to have it returned with a
note scrawled on the margin. He studied
it intelligently, but was unable to deci.
pher the note, and so he brought his pa.
per back to the professor. 81 can't quite
make out what this is, if you please, y
said the student. "That, sir, said the
professor, "why, that says Il can't read
your handwriting You write illegibly
sir. Springfield Republican.