Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1891-07-02
A Humorous Platform.

Oul IL contains numDeT Ol passdses d
that are calculated to touch the cachin- !
natory nerves. Thus:
ave favor such legislation by Con-
gress and in this State as will in every |
practical mode encourage. protect, and |
promote the interests of agriculture. |
Protection Of labor and of the rights OF
laborers, such as will grant to toll its
full and just rewards, is among the first
obligation of government"
Translated from platform English in
to plain English, this resolution means
1--WE mean to get the Alliance vote if
taffy will do it," Just what should be
the practical mode whereby Congress
should encourage, protect, and promote
its interests of agriculture, the Ohio
platform carpenters wouldn't tell for
farm. In simple justice to the Hon.
jeremiah Rusk, however, they might
have mentioned his massive monograph
on the diseases of the horse and his
meritorious but unsuccessful attempt
to distinguish wholesome mushrooms
from those that are poisonous.
1--WE demand, and continue to
demand" continue the Ohio humorists,
until finally and absolutely secured, the
free exercise by every citizen of the su
preme and sovereign right to cast one
ballot at lawful elections and have it
hon esty counted"
A convention in which Foraker is
boss would be bashful, one might think,
about mentioning the ballot. Speaking
of the ballot in Ohio remedies US of the
ballot-box forgery case. Yet we hope
that every Ohio man will have the right
to cast one ballot, if he hasn't no and
that no Ohio man will try to cast more
than one. And now for some remarks
on the subject of immigration, in which
Foraker's dear friend, Gen. Grosvenor,
is so deeply interested:
"WhiIe inviting to our shores the
worthy poor and oppressed of other ma
tions, we demand the enactment of laws
that will protect our country and our
people against the influx of the vicious
and criminal classes of foreign nations,
and the importation of labors under
contract to compete with our own citi-
zens, and earnestly approve the rigid
enforcement of existing laws by the
present national administrat ion."
There are laws on the statute books
to protect our people against the in
fiux of the vicious and criminal classes of
foreign nations. Are they not suffi-
Gle Mt? If not, why didn't the Fifty-first
Congress pass more stringent ones? If
they are sufficient, they are not enforc-
ed, or else the vicious and criminal are
already excluded.
1--WE favor enconomy in the admins
tration of national affairs.n So GER
tain person, said to be perfect gentle
m an and to have peculiar feet, favors
holy water. With that Billion placard-
ed on the mind of every man that can
read, the Ohio Republicans amiably
pre- tend to be in favor of economy. If
the appropriations of the Fifty-tirst
Cong ress are economy, where does ex-
ira vagance begin? 1--WE favor prompt
and effective restraint of combinations
of capitalists for purposes unlawful or
at variance with sound public policy"
Does the Sherman Antitrust law en-
sure such prompt and effective res
traint? If it does, why are so many
new trusts formed every month? 1--WE
favor ample educational facilities for
the whole people," Yes? Meaning the
Blair Educational bill, for instance,
which was beaten by Republican votes?
"The Republican party, ever mindful
of the services of the heroic men who
saved the Union, favors liberal pensions
to the soldiers and sailors of the repub-
lie and a generous care ftheir windows
and orphans" In the name of the
bankrupt Treasury aren't pensions lib
eral enough already? How many more
millions year do the Ohio Republicans
think that the Government will have
to spend for pensions before it can be
called liberal? 1--WE commend the pa
triotic sevices of our distinguished fel-
low citizen, Senator Sherman" "Virtue
is praised, but'tis cold day for her all
the same," saithe the Latin proverb.
The Ohio Republicans have left their
Sherman resolution incomplete. They
should have amendedit it by the insertion
of the words: "But we prefer to dis
pense with those services after the ex-
piration of his present term in the Sem
ate."
"We congratulate President Harrison
and the country upon the selection of
the Hon. Charles Foster as the Secre-
tary of the Treasury, assuring as it does
an able and efficient administration of
that great department of the govern
ment.n
Which being translated is: "We
congratulate ourselves upon having the
benefit of the Treasury patronage in
Ohio. Their are no spots on Calico
Charley"
To the skilled reader the Ohio plat
form IS mighty good fun.
IT is all very wicked to lend money
to the farmers, according to the Pluto
Gratis, but it is perfectly legitimate and
proper to give money by the millions
of dollars annually to Louisiana sugar