The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-05-28
CROSS-CuTS.


contains the hardest drinkers on the face OF
this earth.-Puck.
She-'.He is connected with YOU in some
way by marriage isn't hep"
He-"Yes; no married my fiancee.'-
Life.
The reason a dude smokes cigarettes is
because he is afraid that people will think
he is a girl in mans Clothes. New York
Journal.
First Fly-They are painting the house
outside. Let's go out and get stuck in the
paint. Second Fly-I'd rather stay here
and get stuck in the butter,-Good News.
Watts-There is nothing like travel to de-
velop a man. Potts-I don't know about
that. 1t seems to have madea perfect idiot
out of Cadby. Watts-Well, l suppose it
would develop an idiot, too.-Indianapolis
journal.
Mr.. Bookmaker-How do you like living
on the top floor? Isn't it tiresome? Mr..
Betting Wringe-No, not at all. u usually
ride up in the elevator and walk down. Mr..
Northumberland must be q race track on
the roof.-Puck.
$50 the marriage is to take place
abroad" "Yes." 'Why doesn't Lord
Dedbrok come over here and marry her?'
"He cannot, under the new immigration
law, unless her father becomes his bond.
You see he has nothing but his title, no Wis
ible means Of support. New York Press.
Tramp-Will You be so kin as to give a
poor man n bite to eat? Mrs. Peterby-
No; go right away! Tramp-What a pity it
is for mankind you were not in EYES place
in the Garden of Eden. You would have
eaten the apple all by yourself. you are SO
blamed stingy.-Texas Siftings.
did you see old SkinAint?"
"Yes. ] told him l had to come to ask of
him the greatest blessing a man could seek
his daughters hand"
'And what did he say?"
He seemed very much pleased. Said he
was afraid at first 1 wanted to borrow S."
New York Herald.
Still at His Trade.-Two men were speak
ing of a dead friend, who had been a prac-
teal mining chemist, and was one of the
best judges of mining property in the coun-
tsy. Said one: "Well, l suppose George
has no room for his talents where he is
now "Oh, yes, he has" replied the
other. ''hs may be smelling"
A little girl was very thoughtful or the
way home from morning service on a
recent Sunday. The last hymn had been
Even Me-" Finally she asked her mother,
who was holding her hand: Mamma, did
Adam write that hymn?" "Why no, my
child" said her mamma r"why do you ask
that?'' because it says Eve and me-"
The Evangelist grieve deeply to learn
that you have left the Episcopal church
and Joined the Presbyterian. Mr.. Three
score-It's a fact, sir. You see, its like this:
Me an the old woman is 'hicted with
rheumatism. Well, in the Episcopal
church it's a continual Rettin' up and sittin'
down. Our old bones is too achy, yer see.
But in the Presbyterian church it's differ
emit. You git up an there you stan, er you
sit down an thar you sot. faint a ques-
ton Nv principle, but nv bones, an yer
mustn't have no hard feelin's in the mat
tel. "-Pittsburg Bulletin.
Charley Marston; of Chicago,
Learned to smoke the cigarette,
And he puffed EN- late and early
AS though at it on a bet;
But the pizen got to working
Something Charley ne'er would do.
Now he's in a private 'sylum.
Down at lovely. Kalamazoo,
From the gemlet take a warning,
If you hain't begun it yet,
Don't upset your daisy brainlot
With the festive cigarette.
Detroit Journal.