The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1891-07-12
UNGRATEFUL JONES.
He Gets Drunk, Is "Rolled," Res.
cued and Reyiles the Police.

Scientists affirm that the true nature of a
man is fully revealed when he is drunk.
They believe in the old Latin prOyerb
Slightly altered), SIN whiskybus yeritas."
Thomas Jones of Colusa last night fully
demonstrated the truth of the two above
beliefs. According to the above scientific
test, Thomas Jones' innards are composed
of foolishness 331s per cent. ingratitude 1914
per cent and general foolishness 1914 per
cent. Such eminent chemists as Sergeant
Spillane and Officers Newman and Peters
made the analysis, and have signed official
certificates to that effect.
As these well-knOwn scientists were pass
Ing through the plaza in front of the old
City Hall about II o'clock last night, they
observed Thomas Jones sitting stiff drunk
and utterly dead to the world on one of the
inviting iron lounges provided by the
thoughtful City Fathers for the accommoda-
ton of weary travellers. Sided close up to
Thomas Jones of Colusa was shabbily
dressed, understood young man, most in
du,trIously transferring everything down
even to leaf Of cigarette paper from Jones'
pockets to his own. He was proceeding
with his task quite methodically, and the
three scientists watched his work with deep
professional interest. SO stiff drunk was
Jones that whenbis scarcher lifted one
OF Jones, arms up to facilitate his
search, Jones would keep it stretched
out straight and immovable. 1t was the
same with Jones legs, and the shabby
young man, who Is evidently humorist of
20o0-yolt power, experimental with all of
Jones four attachments to his trunk, and
soon hal bath of Jones' arms and legs
sticking straight out like crow5ars. The
shabby young man chuckled to himself for
moment, then gathered up a few odd arti-
cles that in taking out of Jones' pockets
he had let fall on the ground, and
was just making off, when Scientist
Newman grabbed him and rushed him
prisonward. Scientists Spillane and Peters
took charge of Jones, who most ncxplicaby
awoke on the instant and gave them one of
the hardest tasks in their lives to bring him
to the Central Station. BY the time he got
there the shabby young man. who gave the
name of Frank Lewis and said he was
sailor, showing several discharges from
deep-water ships to that effect, had been
searched. Two pocket books, several hand
kerchefs, all very dirty, pieces of tobacco,
81 80 in silver. a broken piece of counter
lett of dollar and lot of other petty rub
biSh were found on him.
When Jones came into the station the
trouble commenced. He abused the scien-
lists like crazy fshfag; refused to give his
name; reviled them for waking him; de-
clined to say if lie had any money; denied
having been robbed or that he was drunk,
and. in short, made such show of himself
that lie was on the point of being put into
the dark cell. when, hearing the order to do
SO, he suddenly became rational, and iden-
tilted in a sulen. DoOrish manner. all the ar
ticleS found OF Lewis as his property. A
charge of robbery was accordingly placed
against Lewis, and Jones was given
chance to pick out the softest plank in
ing that, though he stated he had only ar
rived in the city that Saturday evening at
8 o'clock, il was al least three days that he
had been in San Francisco