Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1891-08-13
THEORY AND PRACTICE.
A Professor that Taught Swimming and
Yet Could Not Sk.iLn .-.mseIf.

let Could Not Sy!iLn --.nlself.
In my boyhood days water never had
any love for me. Whenever | used to
- with my playmatcs to take bath in
the CT eek near the town where | was
born. it would do all in lis power to en-
velop me and draw me down to the bot
tom. | Stunned it.
But distressing incident changed my
determination never to go near water
again. | was crossing the old wooden
bridge that Spanned the creek near our
house, when a woman and her child fell
into the creek. Both We're being rap
idly swept away by the strong current
and jumped into the creek / reached
the side OF the woman, how, ! do not
know to-day, and tried to pull them to-
ward the shore, but the antipathy of
the water was again aroused and l felt
myself sinking. Passers by rescued us
and l was the guy of the whole town.
Even to-day some of my friends remind
me of that occasion.
Then | swore that / would learn to
swim. Not far from where lived was
school for swimming conducted by
corpulent, good natured gentleman,
known as the Professor. It was to
him l went.
He made some sarcastic remarks
about tie inability of a young man of
my age to swim. The first lesson came
A rope was tied around my waist and
the professor held the end of it. The
first thing l knew | was laundering at
the bottom of the tank, gasping for
breath. That good natured professor
had thrown me into the water / tried
to cry out to him to pull me out, but
my mouth filled with water. Presently
| felt myself drawn to the surface, and
the professor politely asked me how l
enjoyed it. l calmed my wrath and
told him it was the happiest day of my
life. Now" said he, you do the
strokes as l count
''One, two. three. One, two. three"
A little more of that and the first
lesson was over. SO it went on for
about ten lessons. the professor never
missing the chance to pitch me into the
tank when | wasn't looking. ! made
rapid progress and was soon able to
swim without anybody's assistance,
although the professor still persisted in
having the rope around my waist.
1t was near my last lesson. The pro-
fessor and | We're alone in the school,
He was busily engaged in beating time
with his hand-'One, two, three''-and
| was doing the strokes Suddenly
there was a heavy splash beside me
that sent the water high in the air. The
professor had fallen into the water. l
had never yet caught him in the water
and | felt that it was my chance now
to get even with him for always duck
ing me SO unceremoniously. His big,
fat head presently appeared the
surface, and | was rather surprised at
the peculiar strokes he was making
strokes different from those he taught
the pupils.
For heavens sake, save me-" he
cried. LII drown
Are you crazy" said I. ''Why
should | save you?' | was afraid that
he had some trick ready to play upon
me.
Don't stay there and look at me-"
he whimpered. Il can not swim"
You can't swim. Why you are
professor of swimming"
Yes he cried, but | only teach
by theory, L never could swim myself"
/ crawled out of the water and laughed
aloud. Was there ever anything to
equal this A teacher of a swimming
school not able to swim himself?
My turn had come now. | called in
all the pupils and explained the situa-
ton to them. and we looked at him
helpless in the water and only greeted
his cries for help with derision. How
ever, when there was really danger of
his drowning, we pulled him out. and
it is needless to say that there was no
swimming school in that town after
that But although l was taught to
swim by a professor who was only a
master of the theoretical knowledge of
that art, | became an expert at it, and
l am happy to say that l was never
guyed again after we had saved the
swimming teacher from drowning in
his own tank.-N. y. Herald.