The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1891-09-20

day last.
..If the young gentlemen have any ques-
tions to ask" said he, after he had made
his bow, 81 wish they would begin. find
that the best way to impart miscellaneous
information, of which Universal knowl-
edge is largely made up, is to have students
elicit facts by soliciting statistics Were 1
to endeavor systematically to tell you all
things, beginning with the creation of chaos
and coming down by easy stages to the pres
ent day, there would be insurmountable
difficulties in our way, and we should find
the four years allotted to US by the trustees
in which to complete our course of this
university by far too limited for our pur
pose-in fact, l may say to you gentlemen
at the outset that you will do we'll not to
expect to become universally impressed too
quickly. 1t has taken me twenty eight
years to learn it all, and if any of you ex-
pect to accomplish the same feat in less
time / should advise such to leave this
course and to select agriculture"
Two young gentlemen Immediately left
the room and the others remained. "Who
were the Chilly Saints, professors" asked
mild hammered youth with long red
moustache, who sat in the corner of the
lecture room, after the deserters had
slammed the door behind them.
1.-THE CHILLY SAINTS"
returned the professor promptly "were
three in mum Der, ST. PankeitIus, ST. Liber-
titus and ST. Servauius Their names are
not mentioned prominent among the more
fashionable saints of the Holy Writ, whence
is derived their chill. 1t was a cold day
when they were left. They are celebrated
on May IL, IL, and 13, and are held respon-
sible by agriculturists for the annual ruin
ing of the peach crop by frost, which, if
you have observed closely, will note occurs
at about that period of the year. Next''
THE professor says next like barber, u
Whispered the captain OF the football team
81 wonder where the trustees got him"
81 have heard frequent mention of the
long parliament professor" said student
from Hoboken, who was much interested
in politics. "Can you inform me as to what
that wasl'
Certainly, SIR" returned the professor
"1ndeed, thatis what am here for. The
long parliament met on the Sd day of No
vember, 1910, but soon got into hot water
with Cromwell, who managed to dissolve i
in 1853. TWAS as the saying goes, rather
gone on itself, and passed resolutions stat
ing that at state funerals it was the onl,
body worth considering II abolished
everything but itself, and made square
! effort to make itself immortal; but was un
successful, owing, as have said, to the fac
that it got into hot water, which is fatal tt
genius, upon which alone immortality MAJ
rest" Il
THANK YOU" observed tue student from
Hoboken, who was much Interested in poll
tics. THAT clears away misrepresentation
under which have been laboring for som,
time. thought, perhaps, the Billion Dol
lar Congress was the long parliament, but
perceive that there is distinction wher
there would seem to be no difference"
Your Misrepresentation, sir, was natural
and encourages me to believe that | ma,
some day be able to recommend your nam
to the faculty for the honorary degree O
Phi. K said the professor.
= (which signifies9"