The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1891-04-06
SOME CHINESE FABLES.
How They Compare With Those That
ComesUp Out Of the
West.
The Solemn : Looking Orientals
lave Their Jest Book,
"Siao II Siao."
A Delicious Teddy That vanished-Thrcc
Points Of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Of Quick and Neat Fetort.

Va WH
Of Quick and Neat Retort.
We are accustomed to think OF the Chi
nese as solemn-looking people with s~Iantinp
eyes and the corners of their mouth much
drawn down. Nevertheless they have a
jest book. and its name is '.Hiao Ii Siao.''
Here are translations of some of the jests.
The reader will be struck by the similarity
OF many of them to western jokes, says the
st. James Gazette:
A confirmed drunkard, in his dreams,
imagined that he had found a cup of excel
lent toddy, and put it by the FIRE to warm
in order to bring its flavor ont the better.
Gut the moment he attempted to taste the
delicious draught he awoke. Fool that 1
was" he cried, why could l not have drunk
it coldv' n
A certain man had his portrait painted,
when it was finished the painter requested
him to inquire of the passers by what they
thought of it. in order that he might know
how he had succeeded. The other agreed,
and asked the first conner, do you
think this picture like?' ''The hat
is extremely like replied the
would-be critic. He asked a SINH
lar question of a second stranger, who an
swered that the clothes seemed to be ex-
actly reproduced. He was about to inter-
rogate a third. when the painte. stopped
him and said: 'The resemblance of the
hat and clothes is of no Importance; ask
the gentleman what he thinks of the face"
The stranger hesitated a very long time;
but at last, not being able to esd pc giving
an answer, he replied: THE beard and
the hair are first rate.''
A man of letters, reading late at night,
became aware that a burglar was breaking
through the wall of his house. lie happened
to have a teapotfEl of boiling water stand
ing before the fire, and this he took. placing
it by the side of the wall while he waited
for the burglar. Now, when the burglar
had made an opening, he thrust his legs
through first, Whereupon the man of letters
Rrasped them firmly and drenched them
with boiling water. The burglar uttered a
piercing cry and begged for mercy. But
the other, continuing to pour out the water,
replied gravely, Only wait till ! have
emptied my teapot
A rich man, living between the FORCES of
two b~lacksmiths. was continually annoyed
by the noise of their hammers, and. was in
deep despair at being unable to rest either
by day or night. At first he tried to induce
them to hammer more quietly; then he
made them all kinds of promises if they
would only change their abodes. The two
blaoksmiths at last fell in with his propo-
sails, and'he transported with joy at the
prospect of their departure, entertained
them regardless of expense at a farewell
banquet. At the end of the feast he asked
them where they intended to set up their
smithies. "Well," said one of them, che
who lived on your left will 90 to the sEiithy
on your right, and he who lived on your
right will go to that On your left"
A lady who had but lately been married,
seeing her husband return after a three
days absence, stole secretly behind him
and gave him a kiss. The husband was
angry and told her that she had offended
against all his notions Of propriety. II
didn't know it was you, my love!''
In a certain house there was a baby that
annoyed every one by it's continued suuall-
ing. At last a physician was called in. He
administered a bolus of the soothing vir-
tues OF which ne had a high opinion, and
serve the effects of the remedy. After a
fe " hours, hearing no noise, he exclaimed,
Good! the child is cured.'' s.Yes," re-
piled an attendant, 'the child has indeed
stopped crying; but the mother has begun
to mourn"
A certain man was condemned to a thief's
collar, whereupon' some of his relatives see
ing him, asked him how he had brought
such a punishment upon himself. He re-
Piled: "Asl was going along the road
CHANGED to see ON the road a little piece of
rope. Thinking it might perhaps prove
useful, ] picked it up and proceeded on NV
way. Such is the origin of my present
But" replied his relatives, i've
cannot believe that the theft of a piece of
would bring you to this misery. Said
the thief: ut il true that there was some
thing at the end of the rope" They in
quired what it was. "Only," answered he,
two little draught oxen" n NAV
1879 a writer in the British Quar-.
terly Review quoted this story as coming
from a Chinese source" though he did
that the heather Chinee has more than one
book. The date of ''Siao Ii Siao" is
unknown to the writer; but with regard to
his particular tale the English have a
fairly early claim to it, as it occurs in the
l2mo edition of Scogin's "Jestes'' (1613),
possibly, also, in that of 1865, when the
book WAS first licensed.
a man. seeing an oyster seller passing by,
wished to buy some oysters, and called out.
much n kim" (about one pound).
The other by way of a joke. said: Don't .
know that the oysters are everywhere :
'old by measure, and not by weipht?'
You must be very deaf" answered the
Sould-be purchaser. "or would nave heard
ne say. how much a chill? '' Ia foot).
A misery host always contriyed to avoid
living his guests n full glass of liquor. One
If these, after regarding his tumbler long .
md attentively, exclaimed: 'This tumbler
3 too deep; l must cut it half" The u.s.
onished host inquired the reason, "WslI.,,
eplied the guest, ''since the upper portion
holds anything to drink, of what use
it?" -
Let us conclude with a story we'll known
o our " Observation-Disclosures. 1t is chr 4
GUS that notions of humor should Jun 80 Z
much in the same grooves from China to 2
Peru: Z
Two brothers cultivated the same plat of =
round. One day the eldest, on lea wing to r
.et the dinner ready, called to his brother =.
o come with him. He, however, shouted
ut at the top of his voice: 'Wait until
ave hidden my spade, and then | will F.,
ONE" While they were having their
zeal the other reproached him bitterly for .
his indiscretion. when one hides n
said he. lone ought to preserve al :
snce, or, at any rate, not speak above a =,
for, i'll shouting as you did Just = Y
ow, one invites people to steal" Dinner n
yer, the younger brother returned to the
cid, looked for his spade and found il W
one. So, running to his brother, he whis- n
cred mysteriously in his ear, My spade III
stolen!' Al;
There are other jokes in this curious OF
ook, but the average standard of humor r,
oes not appear to be high. Enough has pi
cen quoted to show the kind of Jest which e
ckles the inhabitants of the Flowery 3,
II We were to give many moro it is he