Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-03-17
CRANKS OF THE FAIR.
They Have ANY Number of Schemes
for the Columbian Exposition.
ONE MAN CLAIMS AN EARLESS BOG
Which he Most Earnestly Recommends as
aSure Drawing Card.
TIE MYSTERIOUS DREAM OF A WOMAN


munications a humorous aspect Cranks
and dreamers in every part of the country
food the mails with suggestions and attrac-
tive features of the Exposition, and ask the
officials to indorse all sorts of wild and i'm
aginary schemes. Most of the writers have
a wrong idea Of what the Exposition will be.
They evidently think it is intended to be a
combination of dime museum and FOOLS par
adise, place for brute and human freaks
and for all the abandoned inventions Of a
generation of cranks and lunatics.
Every official of the Exposition has been
bothered at one time or another by projec-
tors Of some weird and crazy scheme. Mayor
Creiger gets more letters from cranks than
any other director People write to him
when they are not able to get the address OF
any other official. The Mayor pulls fool
ish letter from his pocket at almost every
meeting Of the Grounds and Building Com
mittee and turns it over to Secretary Saw
yer to answer, for every communication. no
matter how foolish, calls for reply. Pres
ident Gage and Vice President Bryan re-
ceive their share of letters from cranks.
Sometimes it is difficult to draw the line be-
tween letters from fools and letters from wise
men. for wise men occasionally write foolish
letters.
Has Hog to Show.
No doubts, however, are entertained le-
garding the mental condition Of man at
Des Moines, Ia, who wants to sell Vice
President Bryan a hog to exhibit at the
fair. The hog has no ears, and what makes
the animal more interesting is the fact that
there is no place on his head where the ears
ought to grow. Although the Iowa man has
been told several times that the Exposition
Company has no use for his earless hog, he
is still working hard to convince the direc-
tors that the animal is just what they need
to make the fair big success.
Jacob Myers, of Fortuna, CAL, writes on
,perfumed note paper, in the upper lefthand
corner of which is the cut of mammoth
redwood tree towering erect. A lot of Ak
men have evidently been cutting industri-
ously at the tree several days, for large
part of its circumference has been hewn
away, and the men are represented as sitting
in rows on the half stump. Mr.. Myers has
an object in using that kind of paper. He
wants to help build the high tower at Jack
son Park.
Nothing Too High for Him.
s'It Is not everybody that likes to 60 up 30
high," he writes, "but never yet seen the
place too high for me. Now am here in
the great red woods" he continues, (which
you hear OF, and it is no trick at all for me
to git on the top and cut if off and stand on
it. have stood on the extreme top Of
electric tower in tipton, cedar co iowa. the
1 foak oh Nd II a
round inch rod with one foot. This you
can get proof Of from Upton iowa. twas
stranger thaire but can find out it is so by
asking the people of Upton If Jacob Myers
done so. well that's all"
Sometimes people who have odd dreams
write to the directors and ask them to con-
vert into realities the fantastic things that
flash across their minds in sleeping mo-
ments. These people, as a rule, belong to
the class that does most OF its thinking when
asleep. Mrs. James Ellis, of 574 Carroll
street. Brooklyn, N. Y, sketched an odd
looking flying machine In one corner of
sheet of letter paper, and sent strange
letter with it. The flying machine was conf
posed of three parts-frst big balloon, of
ordinary design. Under that, and connected
to it with ropes, was a second balloon,
shapsd like a cigar. From this car for
passengers was hung. In describing her
design Mrs. Ellis says:
She Has Queer Balloon.
"Please observe attentively that elegant
drawing in the place where my coat of arms
should be. Well, now, that is very rude
sketch of what saw in dream the other
night. dreamed that was standing with
a great crowd of people on the lake front,
where that railroad now is, but it wasn't
there, and various strange and wonderful
buildings, representing the architecture of
many dead and gone civilization stood on
the grounds-Pha-oah's palace, the Roman
Coliseum, Aladdiu's Palace, the Sphinx,
the Athenaum and many another were
there. TO be gazed at and wondered over, a
fairyland of beauty. Over the lake this air
ship was floating to and fro with the grace
of bird, obeying the will of its captain
more quickly than a yacht and moving as if
it were living thing. Now, as my dream
seems to point so clearly toward Chicago's
Fair, and as novelties are sought for
and ballooning is the fashion just now,
thought it only right that should send you
this suggestion. There is nothing par
ticularlv difficult about the construction of
double balloon like this, and it would be
great attraction if only it would act as 1
saw it, and 1 don't sec why it should not.
The upper globe steadies the whole, while
the long one has a carrying force and cuts
through the air, aided by an arrangement
of broad paddle wheels at the sides OF the
car, aud in front a wheel which paws the air
out of the way and makes a vacuum, while
behind is a sort of tail or rudder, like
double fan. Truly, I think my ship would
be as good as any one else's. And don't you
think. if the funds could be raised, that
some specimens of beautiful architecture,
copied from ancient famous buildings, such
as dreamed Of, could be built? o. course,
YOU need not build them if you don't want
to. only tell you what dreamed"
A Great Idea Sent in Confidence.
George W. Chapman, M. D., of Cawker
CITY. Kan, wrote to Mayor Cregier and told
him in the strictest confidence that he had a
"preat idea" for the fair, but was afraid to
say anything about it, ior fear some one
would take advantage OF his suggestion.
Before Mayor Cregier had chance to reply
George w. Chapman, N. D., sent another
letter explaining his great idea. He said he
had heard OF "monolith of granite being
ouarried in Maine 115 feet long by 10 feet
wide. 1t weighs $50 TONS" he added, "and
it. In dressing the monolith off the chips
should be saved and sold for 12h cents a
poupd." Then, in O burst of confidence,
DR.. Chapman said ''of course, am lun-
attic. but we are the people that move the
world, and have been collecting 25 years
and have q large correspondence. As to
jewelry, it might be simply Chicago en-
terprise for the fair and your honor might
lead the fashion,"
Joseph Smith. OF Yonkers, Wes.chester
county, New York, has sent letter in which
he threatens to blow the entire exposition
into Lake Michigan. He says that "Chicago
cheated New York out OF the exposition,
but will spoil it for you as soon as it COM
mences." He adds, 'sI hope you will not
do much business with it." He continues,
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