The record-union., 1891-09-19

come of affairs at the residence of
friend. My friend lives just across the
street, and he has a Chinese cook, a gen
tle-eyed son of Confucius, who is one of
the most humane, generous, tender
hearted heathens / ever saw. His name
is All Long Fat, and he is so fat that it is
with extreme difficulty he can crawl
through the keyhole of the kitchen door,
or repose in the shadow of a clothes pole.
| A few DAYS ago his employer took his
| wife away for an excursion into the hills,
| and left All Long Fat alone, All Long
| Fat stood in the door and watched them
depart, his countenance wearing an ex-
preston so infinitely sad, and his eyes so
suffused with tears of regret, and his en-
! tire body so bent with sorrow that l said
| to myself:
Here is poor misguided heathen who
mas heart, a lost soul who has in him
the elements of true Christians; a ma
ligned being whose inner self overfiows
with the milk of human kindnessi
Surely, on the last day thou shalt be
saved"
When All Long Fat had seen his
masters carriage disappear he turned
away with a profound sigh, wiped the
tears out of his ewes and relieved his
feelings by building o box-trap for q
| skunk that had been killing his beloved
masters chickens. This morning the
skunk was caught. All Long Fat
grayely carried the box and its inmate to
the back yard, placed it in sunny spot,
and then began heating water. At first
l thought the benighted soul was going
to cook the animal. When the water was
hot, scalding hot, he took the kettle from
the stove, carried it to the box, and
poured just little bit of boiling water on
the skunk. Fifteen minutes later he
| poured on just a little bit more. He has
repeated the performance at intervals of
| q U ftnnT1 1o1lin al a
has done nothing else. He has not
cooked a bite for himself nor allowed
anything to disturb him. He just sits
there by the stove, keeping the water hot,
and watches the clock, and at the expira-
ton of each quarter of an hour he goes
out and pours little more hot water on
| the skunk. Sometimes he smiles a sad,
| plaintive sort of smile, and then looks at
| the clock again. How the skunk likes it
/ don't know.
| Last night two strange gentlemen an
noyed me considerably by coming to my
hotel and prancing up and down the cor
| ridorS in a vely hilarious state Then
they called for the landlady and asked
her If Mr.. Smith roomed there. They
were told that Mr.. Smith was an un-
| known quantity at that house, and they
went away. AT 10 O'Clock they returned
| and rang the bell again. The landlady
answered.
IL.
| dosh Misher Smith live here?''
"No, sir.''
''V'ry shorty, indeed. v'ry shorty.
Hopesh no harmsh done.''
! At II o'clock the bell rang again, vio-
lently: Enter landlady as before.
''Ashk pardonsh," said one, 'dosh
Misher Smith live here?'
mo, sir, he does mott"
''Exchuze me. Good evenin'."
At twelve there was a great racket in
the hall, and somebody fell down all over
himself. Then the bell rang again, and
the landlady stuck her head out of the
door.
What do you want?''
''Want to know'f Mister Smi- Chic)
Smith livish here.''
mo, he don't! Git QUIT"
"Certnly, certnly. Allus respectsh
zhe ladiesh. Goo-good night"
At a. NJ. another racket, and another
peal of the bell. The landlady did not
| answer this summons. My patience had
given out and l said to myself:
This sort OF rehearsal has been re-
peated often enough. I'll just get up and
fire these egregious asses out Of the
house!"
So saying I arose, clad in my lovely
robe de 1luit, flung open the door and
confronted the two disturbing spirits
who were after Mr.. Smith.
''Whatinhelldoyouwa 1 said, very
coldly.
One of them bowed low, drew himself
up again, surveyed my attitude, which
was that of an enraged Colossus of
Rhodes, and said:
'EggschuZe (hic), eggschuze me, but are
you zhe lady of zhe houshe?'
The Santa Clara Valley is noted for the
facility with which all sorts of flowers
are grown, and there is scarcely a home
in it which is not made sweet and coZy
by wealth of bloom. Flowers bloom
here continuously, and the cukelbur,
gympson and wild sunflower are found
in profusion. Yours respectfully,
a. V. HOFFMAN.
Fillmore, Ventura County, Cal.