The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1891-06-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Wise medical men do not treat somnam-
bulism as a pillow case.--BostOH Courier.
A Jail bird has no wings at all, but he
gets there just the same.-DrGbe's Ma9a-
zine.
Luck is a good thing to depend upon
if you have no desire to succeed Som
er0iUe Journal.
Why is a defeated candidate like the
earth9 Because he is lattened at the
polls.-Tepas SJtings.
Judge-"single or married. prison
er signs deeply.) oh, yes, l see. Mar
ried. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
Emin Pasha has sent word from Zanzi-
bar that he is about to go to Ujiji, a place
famous for its jays.-Phaddelphia Ledger.
1t is a curious fact that when one is
seized with a consuming passion ones
appetite fails miserably.--St. Joseph Netes.
Bismarck has had a birthday and the
Emperor congratulated him by telegraph
on being alive.-NeO Orleans Piedyune.
There is one business industry that
has some snap to it even in bad times
the whip manufacture .-L0l0eU Courier.
If SANDER did not hurt its victims
there would be no particular pleasure in
it for the slanderer.-Nes Orleans Picay-
uRe.
Two Milwaukee dentists have dissolved
after a partnership of twenty-three years.
They could not pull together any longer.
-Statesman.
First Farmer--'I suppose you heard
about the cyclone over here2" Second
Farmer-"Yes, we got wind of it,
Washington Post.
Reporter-"What shall I head this
bargain counter story2" Editor-"Call
it AN Hour in Woman's Paradise. ~
Ne,0 York Recorder.
The mar who ''feels himself to be diff
ferent from other men" shouldnt-always
Drag about it. Dime-museum freaks are
in the same ix.--Puck.
If you have anything to give, give it
to the ''hail fellow, we'll met" II you
have anything to lend, lend it to some
body else.-Ddlds Mews.
He's so afraid he won't offend
So long as he confines
Himself to ~censure, he'll pretend
To read between the lines.
Judge.
Mistress-"What would you do,
Bridget, if you could play the piano as
we'll as l canl" Bridget-"Sure, I'd go
on ~learnin' until l could play it dacently."
-Munsey's Weekly.
"Why, Janetl What in the world is
the matter with Fidol' ''He's got a
severe cold, dear. l think l must have
left his muzzle off too suddenly, you
know. London Judy.
"Do you mean by this" said he,
''that you wish me to cease calling
here9' "Not at all" said she. Papa
and mamma will always be glad to see
you."-Harper's Basar.
Babies are so slow in learning to talk
because they have to devote so much OF
their time and energy in trying to I'M
derstand what in the world it is their
mothers say.---S0merUile Journal.
Son Jack, when young and wild of within,
i could not put a check on him;
Now, older grown, he is more meek,
And begs me for a cheque a week.
Judge.
"Your brother, the dentist, is very
slow and torturing at pulling out teeth"
81 know he is, but you see he's rich
aud only follows the business for the
pleasure it gives him. "-Fliegeade BIaet.
ter.
"Pd like to know why you hired a
young woman for a type-writer2" de-
manded Mrs. Hilow of her husband.
/ tgGA i nnttl1 haua 800, 49,, A. I.-A.A-
to-" replied the unhappy man, Chicago
Netos.
There is no person IN the world so
s-elf-conscious as the man who has Just
had his moustache shaved off, unless it
be the woman who found out that her
dress doesn't hang ever. -Bostoa Tran
script.
(Which one of us do you think the
handsomerl' asked one of the two pretty
girls. sit is impossible for me to COM
pare YOU" said the diplomatic young
man. "You are both incompatible. -
Indianapolis Journal.
"NIamma," said a precocious young
ster at the tea table the other evening,
after a long and yearniug gaze toward u
plate OF ~doughnuts, "Mamma, l think
l could stand another one of those fried
holes. "-Drake'S Magdsine.
Mrs. de Kidd-''If you want a name
at once graceful, aristocratic and unique
for your baby, why don't you have it
copyrighted Authors are entitled to a
full right OF the titles OF their "
works. MuRsey's Weekly.
In Court "Have you anything to say
in your defense, prisonert' "Nothing,
your Honor, except that | made a mis-
take in the number of the house. 1 did
not at all intend to break into that
house. "-Fliegeade Blastter.
81 hear that Mrs. Barlow is disputing
her late husbands win.n why, /
thought he left everything to her. - $50
he did, but she never let the old man
have his own way. It's a matter Of
principle with her. "-Ne,O York Sun.
All in the Family; ''You cant do
business with me-" said the new settler
to the village doctor. II intend to be
my W doctor" That's all right re.
turned the physician. ''Let me intro.
luce you to my brother, the undertake
on. -A00 I0Fk Recorder,