Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-01-07

like his baby, and all the other
fathers are glad of it.-Binghamton
Leader.
Caller-"Where's your father" ?"
Urchin-"He's shinglin'." Caller
"The barn ?" Urchin-"No, Tom
my."-Ex.
Don'tjudge a man by his looks. A
fast-looking man often turns out to be
slow in paying his debts.-Yonkers
Statesman.
"Emmeline, can you keep a Sc
cret ?" he whispered hoarsely. 81
don't know. 1 never tried to. What
is it ?"-Philadelphia Times.
A bridegroom six feet seven inches
tall has just taken to himself bride
who measures three feet one inch.
Love me little, love me long was the
burden of their song.-Chicago Mail.
There is no bigger fool than the
man who marries girl simply be-
cause she is pretty unless it is the
man who won't marry girl simply
because she is pretty.-Elmira Gaz-
ette.
81 am perfectly delighted with my
dwelling at present. | have dining
room, reception room, a working
room, smoking room, and a sleeping
room, and just think how convenient
all in one" ."-Fliegende Blatter.
An exchange, in commenting on a
coasting accident, sagely suggests that
sliding down hill has its drawbacks.
OF course it does the sled has to be
drawn back after every trip. II was
always thus.-North Adams Tran
script.
The Sweet Gargle.--A little girl
was trying to tell her mother how
beautifully certain lady could trill
in singing, and said: "Oh, mamma !
you ought TO hear her gargle. She
does it SO sweetly."-Farmington
Times.
"How is your son getting along at
school, Uncle Abe ?" mighty fine,
sab. Gittin to be a gem'man mighty
fast. Ye jes orter see how he makes
fun of us two ole ignerent niger folks
when he comes home. 1t makes me
mighty proud, sab. Epoch.
"Well, your rich uncle died, 1
hear"
YES"
II understand his estate was divid-
ed between you and your brother"
eyes. Jim got the assets and 1 got
the liabilities. Weekly.
Not Quite the Same.-Mrs. Gibbs
Il think your new house is a de-
lightful one, Mr.. Jones. Only yester-
day was telling my husband that l
thought you very level-headed man."
Johnny (interrupting)-"No, ma, you
didn't say quite that. You said fiat
headed" d."-Exchange.
Tested at Once.-"No, / never carry
my watch when go out" she said,
artlessly. 81 am so careless that it
wouldn't be safe. Why, a person
could steal anything right from under
my nose and / wouldn't miss it."
Then the young man stole kiss right
from under her nose and she didn't
seem to miss it.--Chicago Tribune.
Pater (severely)-My son, this is a
disgraceful condition of affairs. This
report says you are the last boy in a
class of %.
Henry-It might have been worse,
father.
Pater-I cant sec how.
Henry-There might have been
more boys in the class. Brooklyn
Life.
Travers "Robinson told me yester-
day he was going to marry his land
lady-the one he has been living with
so many years. Lets see. Not long
ago that fellow was wealthy, and now
l don't suppose he's worth anything"
Jagaway-"Why on earth is he
going to get married, then ?"
Travers-"He wants to get his
money back. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Little Mamie, during her arithme-
tic lesson, recently asked her school
teacher how old she was. Said the
teacher who had already passed her
thirtieth birthday. with the naiyetc of
which ladies are sometimes capable
when confronted with awkward ques-
tions: II can only say, my dear, l
have passed addition and hayc enter
ed subtraction" The child looked