The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-08-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

LosceU Courier.
Marie-"rm within ten years of
thirty-six." Maria Mercy, you are
not forty-six, are you?"
You've got to raise the wind if you
want to be heavy swell at the sea-
shore. Washington Star.
A married couple, surprised in a
fight. declared it was only the clash
ing of the tied. Columbus Post.
The married man is making fairly
good progress when he is able to hold
his own.-U,aion County Standard.
1t is seldom that woman gets re-
ligion enough to love people who do
not praise her baby.-Raaa's Horn.
The laborers of this country would
never make good ball-players-they go
out on strikes too often.-B0ston Ne1CS.
A man is never so sure that his
rights are being infringed upon as
when his wife gets sick.-AtchtSon
Globe.
Remorse of conscience doesn't begin
to gall the sinner real hard till after
he has been found out.-GalUeston
Nescs.
When a man makes mistake which
he feels you cannot pardon he will
hate you for being cognizant of his
folly.-Atehiso1 Globe.
The right kind of religion doesn't
mean twenty-five cents year for mis-
sions and turkey for yourself every
Sunday for dinner. RAMS Horn.
There is one excellent thing about
these sensational preachers they keep
their congregations awake during the
sermon. And that is something.-N.
Y. Recorder.
Harry (at the balD-"You look
bored and tired, old man." Jack
swell. who wouldn't? I've been
swinging dumb bellies all the evening""
IN. Y Herald.
In these days Cupid dresses in neg
ligee attire and swings in hammock.
He looks like an idler, but he is as
busy as humming- in a rose
garden. Baltimore Herald.
Wouldn't it be great and glorious
thing for this big nation if our leading
statesmen only really knew as much as
the newly-fedged college graduate
thinks he knowsP-M 7. Recorder.
Look out for the man who begins by
saying he is not bit superstitious.
He is going to tell a ghost story that
would make cold chills run up and
down the backbone of winter.-Detroit
Free Press.
Time heals everything. There is
nothing that man can get so much
real enjoyment out of as contemplate
ing the misery he suffered ten years
ago because some girl Tilted him.
N. ?. Recorder.
Weary Watkins-''W ''W'at an outrage
it is that people has to work so hard. :"
Hungry Higgins-''You're talkin'
through your hat. If people didn't
work where would our grub come
. from? Eh?"-IadianapoIis Journal.
Servant Girl-.Isn't the lieutenant
paying his addresses to you. Frauleinp"
Why what an impertinsn. QUESTION. ion.
Not, Not at all. all; only want to know
s Sss.ssEesiser1t It's his object to try and make
! fools of us both. Fttegende BIatter.
.Ladv BARRIERS, indeed" his wife ex-
claimed, with a contemptuous sniff.
I'D like to know how such an idea as
replied her husband, '.that it has been
traced as far back as Delilah. ~ Wash
ington Post.
Prof. Potterby-"Ca you give any
example of Spartan simplicity, Mr.,
JenkinsP" Jenkins About the sim
plest act can think of just now wa
their staying at that pass until tn,
whole batch were killed. " In9tG5aap
oils Journal.
mencement essayP" he inquired, quiz
zically. beyond the Alps Lies Italyn
II did use the idea," admitted tn
sweet girl graduate, '.but I modern
lied it into Over the Fence Is Out. ~
Indianapolis Journal
The juryman, like the Judge an,
lawyer, should have a special course O
study to prepare him for his work, anC
should be given a license or diplom;
as proof of his efficiency. Of course
that study should be to enable him tt
know nothing. Buffalo Express.
Does your husband take much in
terest in strikes?" asked the woman
who reads the newspapers of a neigh
Dor. do they affect his busiuessP'
81 should think so. You couldn'
keep him in his office when there is
baseball game going on. Washington
Post.
81 say" said Gus de Jay as he laiC
the paper across his knees, this arti
Gle says that flood of intelligence i
going to sweep the country" well
deah boy. don't let it worry you," re
piled Willie Washington. You're no
likely to be any flood sufferer, yol
know Washington Post.
A large. round official in one of the
departments has taken to a sash fol
the summer, which rather emphasizes
his proportions. Great Scottr' ex
claimed clerk, "what bay window
the colonel is getting" "Um,n re.
marked pretty widow humping the
letters out of a typewriter over in the
corner. that accounts for the sash. ,
Washington Star.
'.How did your revival over al
Apache Gulch pan outP" We'll" an
swered the Arizona evangelist, ''it
wasn't exactly a success. At the third
meeting | happened to say that l be.
lieved Apache Gulch was the wickedest
place OF Its size on earth. After that
my words fell fat. 1t was the first
time the town had ever been rated
tirst-class in anything, and they didn't
care to lose the distinction. p Indian.
apolis Journal.
Not long ago patrolman was sus-
pended by his superior upon the charge
of drunkenness. Without moments
hesitation he laid down his club and
star, and getting horse and buggy
drove at once to Mayor Winston's
house and aroused the mayor. "Am ]
drunk?" he asked as soon as the mayor
appeared. mo; why?" asked the
mayor. "That's what I'm suspended
for; that's all, was the response, and
he departed. The mayor will proba.
bly, be called as witness when this
mans case is heard. MinmeapoIi.
Times.
Agent Madame, I have a book
here which, | see, after coming into
your house, would be of no use to you,
as it contains nothing that you don't
already know" Lady (curiously)-
What can it be about?" Agent-"A A
treatise on how to bring up healthy
and beautiful children. but perhaps
yunu1d lilo f0 3.