The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-10-21
WIT AND HUMOR.
here are Won going, my pretty maidT'
m going crazy, sIi. " she said.
"May go along, my pretty maid?"
nj kanrA- IN nlifh rn - She said

ne grass WlQOW never SlnSS. ",
Hay. Mamma. p Uisbno10n.
An old sad sea dog is probably dis
mantled ocean greyhound. .-PeorsG |
Transcript
The stoutest soldier will sometimes
quail before his wife's baking powder.
Dallas (4er.) Neeos.
80 you're years old, Nellie! Well,
when will you be 6?n .On my next
birthday, sirr-N. 7. Sum.
Justice-''So you wish to be mar
ried?" Awaiting Couple-''Yes, sir"
Justice Slip Knot or true lovers
knotP"-Judge.
A man no sooner gets old enough to
know how to talk well than he also
learns the value of not talking at all.
The MocEer.
When it comes to wanting the earth
the mule will roll in plenty if he has
good chance on open lots.-Nea0
Orleans PscGyaxne.
Never disturb contemplative man.
1t is never safe to approach too near
train of thought when it is in motion.
Richmond Recorder.
Stranger Digging a grave, eh?
Do people die often in this villageP"
I Sexton boss, dey nebber dies
but once. "-Munsey'S Weekly.
Doctor-'tDid you shake the medi-
cine before takingp" Patient-"Cer-
tainIy. 1t was too late to give it the
shake after taking. ~ 7. Herald.
A Philadelphia barber has been do
ing nice business for years polishing
bald heads. He evidently knows soft
thing when he sees it.-Pittsbarg
Gazette.
The latest popular ballad is entitled,
He Never Came Back" This is
probably due to the fact that he did
not have a round-trip ticket.-Loasts-
vitle Commercial.
Did he look ghastlyP" inquired the
sympathizing neighbor. Kind OF
eassedly," replied the bereaved woman.
s.That's what allied him you know. lie
blew it out. - Washington Star.
Solemn Stranger Con train) Young
man, death turks in the cup!' Travel
er--sI know it; that's why / carry my
.rriyate bottle. I haven't drank water
on fifty railroads for nothingp'-Ptc6
.sThev are very much like folks"
saws Mrs. Jason. You'll allays find
that them that declares Katy did IS
good deal more numerous than them
that says she didn't. - Indianapolis
Joatr7sGl.
II suppose, . said she. that you are
afraid that if we woman had the ballot
we would vote as our husbands de-
mandedr' NO." said the statesmen,
1--WE are afraid you wouldn't. .''-Indsan-
apolis Journal
Build hell for these New-York-
ers." shrieks DIR. Talmage. What's
the use? The chances are that they
would call on the balance of the
country to subscribe to fuel fund
Washington Post.
..It is all your fault that am here. !"
said the convict. You are the man
who told me ought to forge ahead"
Il did not tell you to forge a hand.
though" /" replied the visitor. Indian
dpoLts Journal.
DR.. Pringle-"The trouble with you,
MIR. Blubberton, is that you dun't take
enough exercise Biubberton-''Ah,
doctah, that's vewy absurd. ye know.
Me valet walks five miles evewy day
of my life. .''-Judge.
s'It seems to me that you might make
a better use of your time than in loaf
ing around saloons" Great snakes!
You can't expect man to sit in the
parks such rainy weather as this can
youP"- Indianapolis journal.
Mrs. Grubbs Cat the theater): 81
think it's perfectly disgraceful, the fer
vent way those two lovers kiss on the
stage" Mr.. Grubbs: 'They don't
really kiss-they only pretend to-
They're married. IN Y Weekly.
Sunday School Teacher now,
children. who have we to thank for the
beautiful sunshine. and. more than ALL
the health-giving rains with which We
are blessedp" Texas Glass Gin unison
Uncle Jerry Rusk!n-Deaver San.
A broadcloth coat that had beer
measured for President Andrew Jack
son aud returned because it did not fl
sold for $3.50. If it bad not been
misfit the Lord only knows what pric
it would have brought.-Nea0 Orleaas
Picayurse.
II might not be able to cover as
much ground as you,n said the came
to the elephant, sbut if it came to /;
race L could hump myself" '.Ane
koastfully chfmed in the giraffe
.'could beat both of you by a neck. p
Baltimore AnaericGn.
The soprano of a Jersey City churcl
sang to the millionaire President O
the Board of Trustees during his i'll
ness. And now they are to be mar
ried. He is three score and. ten an
she not yet 80, but love will bridge tn
chasm. T. World.
Maud" 20. I did enjoy myself las
evening while it rained! / sat in m
window and listened to band some
where playing some of the most de
iightful Wagnerian music" Amy
heard it too. but | thought it wa
thunder. boston NeaoS.
When party of Texas cowboys tax
possession of town and shoot th
citizens between drinks, they teri
the performance "a high lonesome.
The English language loses none of it
expressive powers in the hands c
artists as the years roll by.-Pitts6mr
Gazette.
Mr.. Smvthe- -.They say that the f
D. Q. railroad brings cattle righ
through from Chicago without givin
the poor brutes anything to drink.
Mrs. Smythe-.I don't believe it.
read only this morning that all tn
stock on that road was watered. n-N
7. Herald
Bro. Smith-"Dea. Passer must b
tried for heresv.n Bro. Prey-'.What'
the good deacon done?" HE wante
to bet two dollars that Pharaohs arm
would never have been drowned goin,
across the Red Sea if they had ha,
sense enough to wait till the tide wa
out."-Boston NeaUS.
Mrs. Newwed- -"Algernon, what di
you mean by telling father that M
biscuits were like tennis balls?" Al
gernon-'I meant that they were ligh
and springv." Mrs. "Alger
non, you mean thing, you didn't; 20,
meant they were tough and rubber
nd-boo-hoo."- IN Y Herald.
A woman at Spring Lake declare
that she was going to commit suicide
There's the ocean," said her husband
Jump in" The woman jumped an
merely succeeded in getting wet an,
uncomfortable. All of which show