Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1891-02-25
A new BOARDER STORY.
A FIRST NIGHT IN A THEATRICAL
BOARDING HOUSE.

pected to Admire the Stage-A Har.
| rowing Experience OF One Man That
May Be Easily Duplicated Many
| Times.
II s'pose I've never told you about that
winter l spent in West-3treet. 1t may
teach you something and be q warning if
you ever feel like turning into high class
emotional actor, SO don't mind letting you
into the secret. I've been knocking round
in boarding houses so many years l thought
I knew every freak that the world could
show. I'd seen poker sharps aud bunco
steerers, to say nothing of kittenish old
maids, grass widows and every other SER
peut that was shut out of paradise with
| Adam and Eve.
| "Well. was told that Mrs. Dolitsle, in
| West-1treet, kept a nice, quiet house,
irreproachable references given and Iequir-
ed and all the rest of it. went there with
Bible in my pocket, my certificate of birth
aud bsptism in my hand, and seventeen busi-
ness testimonials, in Gladstone bag. Mrs.
D. seemed pleased, and I engaged room.
was stranger, and she took me in.
"The first night spent there I knew nc
one in particular, so when went down to
dinner tried to size up the company col
lectively There seemed to be an UNUSUAL
lot of young people. Four young women,
two dark aud two fair; three blonde young
men, one very white, one medium, hair
short on top of his head, one red checked,
one looking very pious.
THE PEOPLE.
"Just opposite me sat middle aged young
woman with q snub nose, who talked all
the time. I'd seen that sort before. Very
funny at olher folks' expense. Disappoint-
ed in life and devoted to lies. Oh, yes! I
knew what she was like, 30 l just said.
'Quicksand,' and passed by on the other
side. But thought the rest of them would
bear Watching. The dinner was the regula.
ton meal, and when it was over went up
to the fourth floor hall bedroom.
81 sat down and began to read the paper.
Pretty soon a low, groaning noise was
heard, evidently woman's voice, getting
louder and louder, till it resembied roar-
ing Niagara, oh-o-o-h-A-AH 81 Ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, dying away in demoniac laugh.
It was startling, but l knew that queer
things happen in boarding houses, so sat
still. In a minute new voice began, 'Oh,
young Lochinvar! Oh, young Lochinvar!
On, young Loohinvar!' There's maniac in
this house, thought. 1got up, examined
Then came the sound Of blows-awful
blows-not one or two, but innumerable,
and after each one strange shaking of the
house, as if body had been flung violently
to the floor. There's murder here, surep
said /, and rushed into the hall. Another
voice, masculine this time, trombone quail
| ity; i dare do all that may become man.
Who dares do more is none!'
"I say, Duke, which one you going
home with tc-night?'' (Which one? All
three oh, you! Oh, you are masher!
How'll you manage its' Take Carrie home
after first act from the Star; rush up TO
Daly's and get Minnie end OF second act;
go on to Z. s. BIS and bring Bessie out at
2!' 'Oh, you old sinner! Oh, you wicked
old wretch!' accompanied with shrieks of
laughter in mingled soprano, tenor and bass
voices.
WHAT IT MEANT.
"Oncs more those terrific blows, but this
time there was something queer about them.
1t sounded as if some one were Jumping off
step ladder. A dismayed feminine voice
exclaimed: "Oh, Jenny, Pge kicked my
second slipper into the street and the fist
one over the folding bed! What'll do?'
I don't know; don't bother me. Can't
you see I'm trying to get my lines9 I'll
speak to him like saucy lackey-m-m
-m.' Ladies, any one at home to-nightT
Oh, yes: come in, Hamlet; come, in, Ham,
old boyp Deep Hamlet, thou
hast thy father much offended Tenor
Mother, you have my father much Offend
ed
i" oh, this is awful!' said I to myself
why, the house is filled with raving, crazy
lunatiesr just then the girl came up the
stairs with pitchers of icewater.
"'My good girl, I gasped, 'in Heavens
name, tell me what's the matter! What is
it2 Who's crazy in this house? What's the
matter with the men?'
"The girl grinned. Her name was Maria,
and a very pretty girl she was. 'Crazy%
she said, not a bit Of it. Why, they're all
going en- the stage
sAll? Who?'
"'Why, those four young ladies and that
fair young man you saw at dinner.
"sWhich one? The one with thin hairp'
"'He? Oh, dear mol He's asweet young
man. He has lots of friends on the stage
ladioe, you know, and he goes every night
and takes 'em home after they come off.
Says he has to work pretty hard! Can't take
more than four home in night! Says he
has to work pretty hard TO do thatl Never
gets round to each one more than once
week. Oh, We all love him! He says he
never means to 60 on the stage; be knows
it all by heart
EXPLANATIONS.
"sWell, who are tho other yonng men9'
1tThat nice fair one is minister's son.
He wanted to play Hamlet, but they told
him he'd do better in a variety show. One
| of those fair young la1ies is what they call
an irganue. don't know what that is,
but she wears garden hats and has her hair
down her back most of the time, and the
other one, she's what they call song and
dance artist. She can kick six feet higher
than her own head. One of those dark
young ladies is trying to get into light
opera.
She had to movs out of three boarding
houses. She works hard. She sings every
night till IL o'clock and begins every MORN
ing OF 7. That other dark young lady-they
call her Mrs. Siddons, cause her teacher
says she's got tears in her voice. 1t sounds
like sore throat to me. Why added
Maria, every one in the house is going on
the stage 'cept that red checked young
man-he's sunday school teacher, and his
mother wou't have it-and that young wo-
man that sat opposite to you.'
".And why in the name of Shakespea re
isn't she going on2''
"'WelI, you see, they say she was born
for critic, and a manager wouldn't dare
to take her in his company because she'd
be sure to be shot inside of twenty-four
hours. Why, I'm studying for the stage
myself! 60 and take lesson whenever
it's my Thursday o1s-but I've got broth
er-he's mean cid thing-ssid if be ever
caught ne on any stage. unless it was a
Fifth avenue rapid transit, he'd come on
and chase me off with club. But I'll get
there yet! I'm just bound to act like Cora
Potter aud Mrs. Langtry, and it's great
deal easier to than to wash dishes and wait
on the door.
"'Thank you, Maria, said /. 4 see it all
now,' and went back sadder and wiser
maj" New York World.
/ THE MEDICAL PROFESSION.
! The attitude of the medical profession
toward what is known as 'patent medi-
clnes" is not at all unreasonable. Thou
sands of these postrums are offered to the
J public every year. Some of them are
dangerous, and most of them are futile
e, ~ O. "a y Il.