Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1891-08-28
LOVE AND SOFT SOAP.

man.
Tom is the pure and perfect speci-
men Of the ideal country pumpkin.
His long, lean sh anks could not possibly
be any longer and leaner without hav-
ing pair of tpngs for his paternal
ancestor. and every solitary lock Of
his carrot-colored hair flaps about his
cabbage-leaf ears with the self-satisfied
wiggle of the tail of a sucking calf
He is as green in appearance as a
whole vegetable garden in addition to
all that.
Thomas is really only twenty-one
years old, but looking at his puckered
and SUM- scorched features, no person
of judgment would ever suppose him
to be less than a hundred and fifty.
Indeed, the yohngster bears a most
striking family resemblance to a we'll
baked Baldwin apple.
Our callow hero for years has strug-
gled to cultivate an average set of
whiskers, but somehow they always
look as il affected by drought. APP
parently his whisker patch needs irri-
eating. Anyway all the beard he has
succeeded in ra sing up to the present
time is a struggling and dilapidated
goatee about the color of slice of
fried pork.
My! isn't Tom bashful? He don't
dare to look a strange cat in the face,
and when it comes to girls well there!
He has always acted as if he would
sooner hug keg of powder with his
cuff buttons red hot than perform a
like ceremony Tor the prettiest piece
OF proud flesh that ever trod shoe
leather But in spite of that fact he
has had sort of far-away hankering
after Susan Twltchell for some time
Tom" said Dad Thompson to his
diffident heir one evening not long
since. Tom, why don't yer git mar
riedP"
IL darsn't Dad" suffered poor
Thomas, blushing like a blood beet in
his agony. 4 sartinly blieve it
would kill me.
''Oh git eout!" snorted old Thomas
in disgust. Here I've been married
nigh onter twenty-five year. an it has
never killed mo onst."
Il know it, Dad; but yer only mar
ried Marin, an i can't dew that"
That don't make any odds, Tom.
Yer old huff tor git married, an mar
ried you've gotter be and that's all
there is tew it. You've got a kinder
sneakin' goneness on account o. Suse
Twitchell, an yer know it. So you've
gotter gin her pop ter onst an see
what she says.
20, Dad, | can't. I'D melt right
deown inter dab O. grease the minute
| tried her. / couldn't pop ter any gal
an live through it, least of all ter Suse
Twitchell."
"Shet up" snapped out the old man.
"Harkee now. This is the month o.
May an the oil woman has jest made
yer May kit. Meow you've gotter
go an hang it ter Suse this very night
an when she ketches yer you've got
ter ak her abeout gittin' hitched.
Then the hull bisness IL be tended
| tew."
No 'twon't nuther. | don't b'lieve
twill be any more'n begun" quavered
Tom. his teet h rafting like bag of
brass buttons. Eff twas only man,
now, wouldn't keer."
'Shet up, yer fool. grow ed the old
man again. There's yer baskit; now
mizzle."
And before the poor fellow could re-
monstrate further he found himself
pushed out on the doorstep with the
undesired May basket in his hand,
while his etermined old father calrGy
closed the doc r upon him.
He could not have been much more
terrified and yet have retained the
least particle of sense, but he had al
ways been an obedient son and habit
was still strong within him. So he
started slowly off up the road toward
Twitchell's. still mechanically holding
the fatal package of bonbons in his
trembling grasp.
The house of his adorable was
reached all tpo soon, but when Tom
came in sight of it he gave sigh Of
relief. 1t was wrapped in utter dark
ness from cellar to garrett and the
night was cloudy and moonless be-
sides.
Gosh! ef they hain't turned in air.
ly" muttered Thomas, burst oil
thankfulncss yelling up, from his
heart. ''Suse can't crawl outer bed
an enter caliker quick enough ter
ketch me- now swan ter snakes As
longs l won't have ter pop darn bi,
reckon I'd better hang the basket as
Dad telled me tew."
Nevertheless it was with prodigi-
Gus humping Of the heart that he ap-
preached the shadowy doorway. With
trembling fingers he pinned the tissuey
Offering to the casing. and raising his
hand he CAV one tremendous knock
but his father had played deep game.
Wishing him to be scooped in whether
or no, the old man had been over In
the afternoon and warned the fair
Susan what was coming. Consequent
ly she had darkened the house and
kept on the watch. so the timid youths
knuckles had scarcely touched the
wood ere the door few open and Susie
herself rushed out at him with ex-
tended arms.
Tom was thunderstruck. His heart
flew into his mouth with such a
"chuck" II seemed miracle his from,
teeth were not all knocked out by it,
and whirline around with Comanche
death-yell he darted of. with Susie al
his heels in hot pursuit.
Fear lent an unusual activity to his
spidery limbs, and II fayoring fortune
had not interfered Susan would never
hnva nvarfakan him hut fata was