Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1891-07-15
Travelling With a Liar.

you know that he won't try to pick
your pocket, cheat you at cards or
challenge you to fight duel if you
seem to be bored with his company.
Therefore, when / took steamer at
Memphis for the run down to New
Orleans. and the captain offered to in
troduce me to Maj. Davis, the biggest
liar in the late southern confederacy,
l was heartily rejoiced.
found the major to be a small,
thin man, with very deep bass voice
and we had scarcely shaken hands
when he pointed TO the Arkansas
shore and said 1:
fright over thar is where l swan
ashore after the gunboat battle above"
"Then you were in that battle ?"
"Do you doubt my word, sab ? If
so, l shall be happy to refer you to
Captain Hicks, chief clerk of the
boat, who will consult with any one
you may name !"
"Oh, no, no, no, major! l don't
question your word in the least. 1t
was hot fight ?"
"It was, sab. had command of
the fifteen confederate gunboats."
Fifteen Z Why Admiral Porter's
Naval History says there were only
eight"
Porter, sab Nevah heard of
Porter. Here is my card. sab p
"Oh, no, no, major! If you say
there were fifteen that settles it, of
course. Porter probably left out seven
just to belittle the affair. Go on,
major"
II was on the Beauregard. We
sunk three of your craft, and then
struck a snag and went down our
selves"
"But Porter says the union ram
Monarch rammed the Beauregard and
sent her to the bottom" l protested.
"Sah You will please call on
Col. Hicks" said the major as he
stiffly arose and handed me his card
and moved away.
/ simply changed chairs, so as to
keep in the shade, and dropped the
majors card overheard. He was
absent about twenty minutes, and
then returned wiping off his chin. AS
near as l could figure he had taken
whisky.
"See that bluff over thar ?" pleas
antly queried the major as he sat
down.
IL do"
"Well, l had battery of ten guns
thar for several months, and it was
my own eye which sighted the gun
that blew up the Yankee gunboat
Mound City. Sad affair that, but
war is war, you know. The shell
which entered her furnace and ex-
ploded resulted in the death of 700
meD."
"Let's see major? If ! remember
Alright, the Mound City disaster oc-
Cured at St. Charles, on the White
River"
"Sah !"
"And the shell exploded in her
steam. chest"
"Sah p
"And the killed and injured num-
bered only 1885,"
"Sah? You seem to doubt my
word, and / therefore,"
"Oh but don't, major! Let me
beg you to believe that ! don't! II
was simply wondering how Porter
could make SO many blunders in his
history"
"Porter, sab :? Never heard Of
Mistah Porter in my life. In the
commissary department, I presume?"
l managed to change the subject
after a little, and by and by the
major went to sleep in his chair, and
l got away from him until evening.
Then, as sat smoking, he dropped
into the chair beside me and said:
"Ever meet Mistah + arragut, of
your side :"
admiral Farragut?"
MAY have called himself SUCH"
mo, | never did"
"Sorry. He'd have probably told
you about the battle Oh the river
above New Orleans"
"Were you there ?"
"Sah ~
THAT is, you were there, of course.
What command did you havei"
Commanded the confederate navy,
of co 'se."
"You did 1! Why, thought Com
modore John X. Mitchell command
ed there"
Look beah. sah--do you doubt
my word |"
"Oh no, no, major How can | ?
You were there, and wasn't. l have
often read of the irouclad Louisiana
of that fleet"
"She was my flagship, sah. / steer.
ed her while she rammed and sunk
six of Mistah Farraput's vessels"