The Dispatch. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1891-1895, 1891-03-25

make him a preSenG OF AS I GU Like
IT, for the benefit of his family lIf
he is a bachelor, there's nothing to
hinder him from getting one right off,
1t is worth more than one volume to
me to add another evidence to the
numerous fakes and fabrications by
which either the too greedy agents
impose upon the Associated Press. or
the latter upon the customers, the
newspaper editors, and Indirectly
upon the reading public of the country.
Having, in my not too limited expert
ence in that line of business, ''smelled
a mice" several times, | ayailed my
self of this opportunity to verify or
explode another A. 2. sensation from
some obscure corner which is hardly
ever reached by anything more wide
awake or ''up-to-the-timeS" than a
patent outside weekly paper, so that
the astute inventor is safe in his Chi
cago news-manufacturing den" All
he needs is a postal guide to lind the
very most insignificant hamlets in the
most remote quarters of obscure re-
gionS, where to locate the blood-curd-
ling yarns that are sent out as sensa-
tional news. | guess one-third of the
news thus telegraphed has no founda-
ton in truth, such as the recent har-
rowing report of the little child from
whose stomach untold numbers of
buttons, needles, pins and other house
hold implements we're extracted; or
1.-The Oldest inhabitant' dying at the
age of 12S; or the farmer that raised
$4,000 worthof potatoes on few acres,
etc. Thus, Mr.. Editor, look out when
you get your dispatches. You should
preface many of them with note
of warning to the subscriber, or
''suffix'' them with a plea question
mark, though the body type be non :
pareil OF agate.
Iprefer getting my news fresh from
the tap, foming with the fresh ebul-
lition of truth. Thus in the case of
our mail service. You know we only
enjoy tri-weekly mail, and as this
comes via Heber City from Park City,
all our postal communication and
commercial connection with Prov 0
and Southern Utah in general goes a
roundabout way, with an average de-
lay of at least two days in the inequit-
Gus circuit, whereas mail route down
Provo canyon, such as it existed in
the good days of yore, when | first
swung the bdccuLuS over the youthful
portion Of the Midway Saints there
are no sinners here)would be materi-
al relief to all concerned. A petition
setting forth at length all the facts
substantiating our desires and just
dues was forwarded to the Hon. John
| T. Game, the Delegate to Congress
from whom | have just received the
glad tidings that he favOrably pre-
scented and urgently recommended
our prayer and that early action is an
ticipated at headquarters, as attesteC
by an accompanying note from the
Second Assistant Postmaster General
Thus we are on the eve of great things
or at least of sound and sober devel
opment.
Just look out for the boom" il
garden sass" to be sprung on th
vegetation community when put o
the market all the sweet corn, pease
parsnips, parsleys, onions, turnips an
other green stuff that is to grow frol
the seeds which paternal governmer
at Washington has kindly forwarde
to me, through the friendly intercessio
, unsolicited at that rf 60 hone
delegate lust sef - g yaT az II z
a more peaceable manner than -
to, in the maddening whirlpool of poS
tics. Now. this is no bait adroitl
, thrown out for the credulous and SAL
guine herbalsts, florists, horticultu
lists and sech" to food the pOStoffit
, and my mail boy with catalogues an
+ circulars of sample seeds shrub
flowers, sets, ETC.. unless such publ
: cations are fully prepaid and embe
I lished with appropriate illuminate
+ cartoons and cuts of the various beal
ties of the Kingdom of Botany, wit
r which my girls may hang their pla,,
house as with costly Arras. That's a
2 the use | could make of the catalogue
: besides kindling the breakfast fire.
: l haye to send my fleet messeng'
f on his Bucephalus over tie Heber,
that this ola podrida of solid SEM
, and gaseous nonsense leaves there c
Saturday morning, else it would hay
t to waste some of its fragrance c
: Wasatch air till Monday morning, OF
t next opening date for the outsit
e world Hence, here you go!
= Yours as evergreen,
. LEO HAEFLI.
: HE BROKE INTO JAIL.