The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1891-12-18
BRIGHT BITS.

SHErNow that you are graduated, Dick. what
are you going to bes
He-Be' Why, just think what am!-Pttck
RUSSIAN parents take the precaution to name
their children before they are o'd enough to
know what is being DONE YonheTs Statesman.
CASAPIAN-Why are you called captain"
Mr.. ExcashierS Did you serve In the WARP
Ameftcan-No; but I'm skipper from the
states.-YuLe Record
THEY do say that he's drinking himself to
death on her account"
Indeed! And at what bar is her account
keptY'-IxdianapoIis Journal
FIRST VIsIToR-What poor picture!
Second Visitor-You call that poor picturei
1t belongs to Mr. VanderbilI's collection and
has cost mora than So, 600. Comic.
PArrENT-Doctor, fancy, somehow. I've got
touch OF the govt.
DISCREPANCY. my dear sirl If you had,
you wouldn't fancy-yon'd know.-Conafc.
Shave you read The Light That FailedY"
abe asked the stockholder In the gas comuanv
NO" he answered, and then he avoided her
for the rest Of the evening" Washington Star.
PERHAPS the patriot who grows tiresome de-
clariug that he would not sell himself is spared
q good deal Of humiliation through bis Ignorance
of the price he would bring. - Washington Star.
LADY-O! see your sons back from India
Mrs. McPhee He looks much older than when
l last saw him.
Mrs. McPhee-Yes, indeed, mum! Them as
spends the best part of their lives in flrrin
parts hayes terrible.-JttdD.
.RAGG-Queer missionary they sent cut to the
Cannibal Islands last month. Should think they
would SEND peaceable man
Bagg-What was the matter with him?
RaGg-Got into bron with the natives very
first thing .--Detroit Free Press.
"HELLo, old man, have any luck shootings"
u should say l did Shot seventeen ducks in
.iWere they vrilds,,
"Well-no-not exactly; but the farmer who
owned them was.-HdrpcT's Bdzar.
vIsIToR-I am told that all the metallic work
in ths Interior of that elegant new building of
yours is to be finished In aluminium.
Capitalist with proud scorn)-Aluminium
nothing! Sir, the interior Of that building is to
be finished in American tin.-Chicdgo Tribune.
sam JoaNsING happened to pay visit to the
county jail few days ago, and who should be
see inside Of the bars but Gabe Snodgrass
How In de world, Gabe, did yer get in dar?''
asked Sam JohEsng.
II don't bodder my head about dat ar, how
got in heah. How to git out OBJ heah is what 1
wants ter talk about. "-TsSds SiftingS.
MoTHER-Where is Johnnieg
Father don't know. guess he's around
somewhere.
Mother-That boy is into every mischief.
There is nothing he isn't into.
Father-It's only his inquiring way, his In
vestigating mind. That boy is bound to get at
the bottom of everything.
Nurse crushing inl-Johnnie'sf fallen down the
we'll
Father (triumphantly)-T Didn't tell
you.-NeD York Press.
ARTEMAs BIeeHED, B. Sc, Phi. D.-Here am
back from Europe Highest honors at Lepstick
University, published monograph on cleo
tricity which tells exactly what IL is and all
about 1t, you know. Now I'm looking for a
chair-don't want any small place-bound to be
in the scientific swim, il there's any way to get
there. What do you say? What part shall l
strike for?
Goldberg Quiet--Why don't you try for that
electrical chair in New York; You'd be sure to
get right into the current then. It's life posi-
ton, too. Boston Post.