The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1891-03-13

| Nha1 scck yc mere TO dO2"
TO take few orders and collect n
bill of Bilson."
| Then you arc drummer?"
boys"
"How may know you to be drum
| mcr?" ---------sl
by my cheek and my fifty pound sam
pie case. Try me-"
'How will you be tricd2"
"By the squar'."
"Why by the square,"
because the squar' is a magistrate
and an emblem of stupidity"
mer2"
I'm my mind"
"Wherc ncXt2"
"1n printing Office, adjoining reg
ular post of drummers.''
"How were you prcpared2"
'By being divested of my last cent.
my cheek rubbed down with a brick, a
bunion plaster over each eye and Heavy
sample case in each hand. In this fix
| was conducted to the door of the post. I"
.'low did you know it was q door,
being blihd2"
by first stepping in a coal lscuttle
and aftcrward humping my head jagainst
By beSshs6Y ~ ny ,~sssss
Had you the required cheekfY <
81 had not, but Steve Sears had it for
me-"
GLOW were you reccived2"
ION the sharp toe of boot, Spilled
to my natural trousers" ~
What did this teach you"fA
"Not to fool around too nMsA.'
"What happened next9" M
'Iwas set down on cake Of ice and
asked if put my trust in mercantile re-
ports"
"Your answer 2"
"Not if know myself, I dont.n
elbow was you next handled2r
'I was put straddle of a goat made out
OF n 2x4, and trotted nine times around
the room by four worthy brothers, and
then trotted in front of the Left Bower
for further instructions" aS
How did he instruct youl"
'To approach customer in three up
right regular steps, With my business
card extended at right No INV AIMS
forming perfect squart .SsxNE1.
GLOW was you then disposedIo{7
81 was again seated on the cakeSf ice
in front of dry goods, and made, 10
take the following horrible and binding
oath:
81, Charles S. Robinson, do hereby
and herein most everlastinglyi and diaboli-
cally swear, by the Great Bob Tail Flush.
that I will never reveal and ALWAYS
steal all the trade secrets can for the
use and benefit of the Most August Or
dor. And / further swear, by the Bald
headed Jack of Clubs, that I will never
give carve, make, hold, take or cut prices
below the regular rates. And ! further
swear by the Pipers that played before
Moses, to never have any commercial
dealings with any man or his wife, sister,
grandmother, old maid, aunt or uncle
unless they, he, she or it is sound on the
goose.
81 was then asked what most needed"
"What was your reply?"
"Money."
"What did you then behold9p
GA copy of Dun & Co. IS reports, open
at chapter 'Muskegon.' Upon the open
book rested pair of drug scales, in one
pan Of which rested ten pounds of con-
centrated lye, and in the other sat small
silver jackass."
"What did this emblem signify2"
"The scales indicated the balance be-
tween debtor and creditor. The other
emblems represented disabilities and ass
cts of bankrupts."
"Did this teach you any lesson9"
"YOu bet! 1t taught me the fact that
the former are generally SO almighty much
better than the latter"
"Shake! Brotherl Will
| you be off or from2"
''Both, If can borrow money enuff to
get cut of town on"
''IIave you any cigars9"
| 81 have"
| "Give 'em to me-" q
81 did not SO receive 'em, neither will
| so impait 'em." sA
"How viii you dispose Sf 1Hrf
"On sixty days time or tw6 per cent
cash, F. o. B." ~
"All right, begin"
"No, begin YOU" ~
''No, you begin" ~
cup" "Em." ssSet."
Set 'em up The words and sign.
are right, Brother Snooks, he Is yarG
wide and all wool, and you can bet OF
him."
Brother Crookston and each lent th,
chap $5, anil he left with many thank,
Now you can sse BY this NJ h.lp Il