The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1891-06-05
Feed the Men and Remodel the WO.
men!
Editor OF COLUMBIA HERALD:

EulJOr Oh OOLUMBlA hEhALDs
And still they come. The 18th install
ment of letters regarding the model
husband have been laboriously written
and dutifully printed by the visibly
weakening Editor. Yet the flood still
pours and the rains do not cease.
GRADUALLY, but surely, vegetable and
animal life are wasting away for want
of rest, but triumPhantly there floats on
the WIDE waste of waters, the pitch
covered Ark of the HERALD, aHq It's
banner blows free in the winds of the
sea, with its motto "a Model Husband"
When the clouds began to gather and
the rains began to fall, the men began
to laugh, just as they did i'll the days. OF
Noe.
They climbed upon the fences, like
Georgia Crackers preparing for an al
ternOon chat, and watched the women
carrying their letters into the Ark:
How they did laugh! They laughed
immensely, and they said, "Thats rlShI
Betty, hit him aSin."
But the women who passed had Omi-
nous expressions, They looked deter
mined To DO or die, in tagt they some
what resembled Helen MGQregQr when
she tied tho rock around the neck Of
Morris, and if woman saw her own
hu 5band on the fence she looked at him
in such way that he got down until
she passed, much to the amusement Of
tho other boys. "By Cad, they were
not tied to the apron strings OF any wo-
man." etc, etc, etc.
But this business swas not half So
funny as it first seemed to be. When a
woman starts to do anything she either
does it or makes it pretty hot for
awhile, and by and by the men all
clombe to the tops of the tallest trees,
where they sat and cheWed the ends OF
their paws very much after the manner
of squirrels, or tHrued purple i'll the
face as they used to do on terra hrlna
when i'll rage they would cry, by
Heaven, Betty, give it some soothing
I. DIT 1nN 70
needs not. With many another choice
spirit she floats in the mist around her
dear Ark, and writes and writes, and
This is what she writes.
"a MODEL HUSBAND"
DEAR Mr.. EDTToR:-"I am Wild
WoolIy Girl, the lily of the valley and
the rose of Sharon and IA constant and
careful reader of the dear HERALD.
l notice you have offered prize of
SO in gold for the best letter on the sub
iect of a Model Husband. OF course L
cannot expect to be so Prescriptions
as to suppose, that my feeblepen could
oVertake this yellow Will 70 the Wlsp,
but my heart yearns within ME, and i
nave a great desire with much longing
Tor an opportunity to express my views
in regard to Model Ii husband.
A Model Husband, according to my
idea, is aIrohject regarding which each
female may have peculiarly original
ideas.
He may be small with very large
nose, very large feet and very large
clothes, or he may be small with very
! small feet very small nose and very
small clothes, any of which qualities
would be very attractive in the eyes OF
| the woman who chose to consider them
attractive. There is no trouble what
| ever in regard to noses as the market
| affords every variety and any quantity.
| There are long noses and short noses,
| Dig noses and little noses, poke-into-
r-peoples-business noses, COSTUME
something to- Qet.you-red- moses, turn
| ed-up- because l. am better than any
bodyelse-nOSes, in fact any kind of q
nose that anybody wants. The cheri "
liped dRmse1 with the beautiful eyes
has but to decide what nose she prefers
TO capture, and there are soon two nos.
es with but single pull.
Then II the dansel is q wise dAms0l
as she is IA beautiful one, she will not