Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1891-11-05

dollar.
Tramp haven't any, but / thort If
you had change for half dollar, you
might have dime or two fer poor man
wot's seen better days. All the gents 1
have asked fer help said they hadn't any
change.
NOT SHOW.
Goodin--Life is feeting show.
Downonluck-No, it is not. | have
plenty of life in me, haven't IL
Goodin-Yes.
Downonluck-Wcll, have never had
show.
NO DANGER.
Mr.. Golly--Your beauty almost makes
me fear you.
Miss Maud-Oh, there is no danger of
your catching it.
NOT ENOUGH or SAND IN HIN.
"Why have you given up your beau?"
ale tried to kiss me at the gate the
other night"
THAT'S no great crime"
mo, it isn't, but when | resisted he
desisted. New York Press.
A REMARKABLE WHISTLER.
Winks-Hark! That's the most re-
markable whistler ever heard in my
life.
Minks-What is there remarkable
about il?
Winks-Why, the whistler knows the
tune he is whistling.
WANTED GENTLE ONE.
"Do you warrant this bicycle to be
gentle ?"
81 don't understand you, sir"
Il want to know about its habits. Tho
last bicycle had not only threw me, but
whirled about as struck the ground and
jumped all over me. - Harper's Bazaar.
WONDERS OF SCIENCE.
Blinks-If you have so much trouble
with your teeth, why don't you get arti-
fetal ones? The idea of being bothered
that way in this marvellous age of scien-
tific and mechanical progress! | got a
full set only few months ago.
Jinks-Indeed! Are they "a success?
Blinks-Success should say so
Why, can almost eat with them.
NOT THE RIGHT KIND OF STREAM.
Look at this Beautiful River that lies
at our Feet, my Son." said the Aged
Father, as he laid his Trembling Hand
on his Youngest Sons's Head and sent
him out into the Cold World. Z" If you
grow up in the Right Way, my sou, your
Life will flow like this Lovely Stream"
The Boy grew up to be Confidence
Man and Thief, and is now in the
Penitentiary. The Beautiful River he
had taken as his Model was Crooked
One [Chicago Tribune.
DIsAGREEABLE.
Paresis--I should think that being a
prison official would be very Disagree
able.
Soffed-Why?
Paresis-Becausc prison officials al
ways have felons ON their hands.
A FOOLISH QUESTION.
Ethel-Do you think it's my money he
is after?
Clarissa-H'm! What do you think he
is after?
NE . NUN INV.
He was first class failure
And lived in the greatest need,
But the prize he took when he wrote a
book
With the title: !" How to Succeed"
= Atlanta Constitution.
VILLAGE DIVISIONS.
Husband "a villager)-The butter is
strong, the coffee tastes as if made of
| beans. and this sugar is half sand. Why
don't YOU deal with Straight ~ Co.? Their
goods are always reliable.
Wifc-Mr Straight doesn't belong to
our church. New York Weekly.
by INVITATION.
Mrs. Minks-Why didn't you come
home to dinner?
Small SOM had my dinner, ma.
took dinner with Willie Minks.
"Did Mrs. Minks invite your
Eyes, ma. / smelled apple dumplings
cooking, and l told her | liked apple
dumplings awful
"Oh, you did,
"Ycs'm. Then she said maybe il ]
went home I'd find you had apple dump
lings for dinner, too
"Humph"'
"Yes'm. But told her yours was al
ways so heavy pa wouldn't let me cat
any, an then she invited me to sit down. :
NJ Good News.
| BRIGHT GIRL.
"Did you meet Miss Morrowby OF
| Vassar on commencement day.
yes"
GLOW was she, pretty bright"
"Very-all the colors in the rainbow, in
fact. 1.-THE Epoch.
lie HAD A PIECE.
Mother-What in the world has be.
come of the other half of that cake / cut
for supper?
Little Dick-You gave it to me.
Nonsense! You asked if you could
have piece of cake and said yes"
"Yes'm. / meant the piece that was
left yer.'-LGood News.
VERY NEAR 1T.
camc near hiring girl to-day who
could wash, iron, cook. bake, sew, play
the piano, write shorthand, play law
tennis, strum the mandolin and speak
Volapuk.
| Van Pelt-How did you come TO mis-:
her?
Wool--She left on her wedding triI
1 iifteen minutes before reached thu
house.
A SLIDING SCALE.
"Tom, she asked, what is this rims