The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1891-12-31
MY LAST
LOVE SERENADE.

myself as a legacy to rich and eccentric
aunt. She having already adopted an orphan
girl, and not wishing to be plagued with a
pair, promptly packed me off to a boarding
school, Here | remained, holidays included,
till attained my eighteenth year. Not till
then did Aunt Matilda condeScend to receive
me.
She did not greet me with much warmth.
She kissed me, and then rewarded a fat
poodle which nestled in her lap with the
same attention.
you have grown very much like your
fool of father"
Pardon me, aunt" said 1, astounded
at this Introductory remark; you men
toned"
Your father, blockheadp' she snapped.
Whatever my poor sister saw In such a
match passes my comprehension. Nothing
but a ne'er-do-well, good-for- nothing-"
Excuse ME, aunt" l demonstrated, "but
hadn't we better change the subject? The
weather is very sultTy."
She laughed outright.
81 am pleased to find you are n OF the same
easy-going fool he was. l suppose you are
right. We will let the poor man rest, "
which remark was very charitable consid
ering poor dad had been at rest for eight
years. Come" she continued, Il want to
introduce you to Louise, your future wife,"
| stood open-mouthed with amazement.
Don't stand staring there, you booby!
'My wife!" gasped.
Yes. | suppose you may as well know
FIRST as last. l shall leave you my fortune
twenty thousand pounds in consols-but
only on condition you marry Louise, you
understands
Yes, aunt" responded feebly. Follow
Ing her l was introduced TO Louise, and at
fell in with anOts nrOnOSG1S Shn
was lovely. l don't think IL would have
needed my aunt's fortune as an incentive
TO falling at once In love with her. Dark
with splendid hazel eyes, laughing mouth,
and pure transparent skin, she was indeed
q picture OF youth and beauty. She re-
ceived me gracously, and | could see that
my aunt was pleased with the impression
she had made. A few days after Aunt Ma
tilda preached my future.
don't want TO see you about the house
idly wasting your time" she said. You
must adopt some profession. Now, to what
do you incline?"
IL think the army would suit me-" sug-
gested.
''Oh. yes" she retorted, sarcastIcslly. "a
future feld-marshal in embryo! No. no you
must learn something useful, not the art of
cutting your fellow-men to pieces. What
do you say to doctor?"
That's only another way OF cutting my
iellow-men to pieces. l don't think l should
make a good DOCTOR"
You haven't the necessary gumption to
make got lawyer. | think the best thing
you can do Is to enter the civil service"
Protest was useless, and my aunt had her
own way. So shortly after | passed my
examination and became member of her
Majesty's civil service. l had my own
quarters, which a decent allowance from my
aunt enabled me to keep up, and l occa-
sionally visited her at the snug little Hamp-
stead village.
Thus imagined myself handsomely pro-
vided for with fortune, and an amiable
bride in prospective. On the strength of the
former l obtained plenty Of credit, stayed
out late with jovial cOmpani ms, and should
no doubt have gone to the dogs had | not
been hauled up short by the events l am
about 10 relate
Out Of my first quarters allowance from
Aunt Matilda l lent a felow-clerk, Jack
Denton, S. for which he promised hand
some interest. l waited patiently but in
vain for Its return. at the end Of two
years-althOugh by that time / regarded it
as bad debit ventured to remark that l
should like TO see the principal, and would
willingly waive all claim to the interest
My dear fellow" was his reply, 81
would pay you with all the pleasure in the
world, but, unfortunately, l am completely
stumped."
l saw no chance of its recovery. but de-
termined to press him little.
Couldn't you manage TO pay SO much a
month";"
Vague improbability, old chap 1 have
mortgaged my next three months screw.
But-a good ideal have French horn,
regular beauty, worth ten guineas, and dirt
cheap at that. Now, take ii, like GOOD
fellow, and cancel the debt"
"But what on earth do want with a
French horn? It's of no use TO me-"
"Then create use for 1t. Add to your
many accomplishments that OF musical anna
teur. You've splendid lip" he continued,
artfully; Just the cut for the instrument.
Now, old chap. make me eternally grateful
by accepting. A magnificent bargain l as
sure you"
took the instrument, and from that date
my troubles began.
In three days had to find fresh lodgings.
l stayed at the next week. Itried board
ing-hcuse ana was presented with three
days board and lodging gratis and my boxes
bundled into the street Nothing dauDted,
| tried again and hit on my present dig
gings. with motherly old soul for land
lady, to whom conveyed my orders through
the medium Of a huge speaking-trumpet,
and on whom the trumpets which blew
round Jericho would have produced no
effect
Up till this period the course Of my love
had been perfectly smooth, when who
should turn up but cousin of Louise's,
Tom Medium. He had been out to Aus
of five years in that land of promise, had
returned with just sufficient to pay his cab
fare from the docks to my aunts, where he
was 10 afng till lie found something better
to do.
Twas Jealous OF this Hercules-he stood
six feet one in his stockings. Whenever
paid dutiful visit to tho villa, was bound
to come upon the cousins in some interest
ing position-poring over sketch-books or
albums. Aunt was confined to her bed. and
could not watch over my interests. and so
my rival had the field to himself
determined to warm up my tickle loves
waning affections, aud with this object |
practiced assiduously on the French horn
lovely German serenade l had purchased
ats cheap music stall.
taxed my patience to the uttermOst, and
most peoples within respectable radius of
sound. If endeavored to make a cres-
cendO on a certain note, | Invariably
cracked it, or split 1t into two or three.
But by laudable perseverance l got over
these little difficulties as far as the serenade
was concerned, and determined on the first
fine moonlight night to give it practical
trial and see what romantic effect would do
in the cause Of Cupid.
At length the suspicious night arrived and
| set out for Hampstead, arriving there
quite two hours before the time | had ar
ranged for the performauce-midnight So
l adjourned to the shelter of the nearest
public, and fortified myself with several
stiff tumblers of whisky till clos
Ing time. This l know would be bad for
articulation on the French accent. but
needed bracing.
Unfortunately for me, though was un-
aware of the fact, Aunt Matilda had an
upconquerable prejudice against music Ia
any shape or form. German bands visiting
the locality. as | afterward learned, were
always sure of a rich harvest-to take them
selves off; and Italian piano and organ
grinders from the purleus OF Saffron Hill
and Seven Dials were amazed at the OPEN
handed generosity which preceded threat
of the police II they came again within zoe
hundred yards of the place.
But blissfully unconscious of this, and
also that she was nearly at deaths door with
her old enemy. rheumatism. wended my
way to the villa.
Arrived there, stationed myself under
the window OF Louise's bedroom, extracted
my instrument of torture from its green
baize cover, and placed it to my lips.
just then l felt something shifting about
my legs, and looking down. beheld my
aunts fat poodle 1t had been locked oul
Dy accident by the servants. l conciliated
the brute with pats and caresses, and 1t lay