St. Paul daily globe., 1891-02-01
SAINT PAUL.
WAYSIDE WAITS.

Yesterday, Il ran against oChOhiV
when was down in Iowa couple OF
months ago that discounted any ever
tried before in the results that fOl-
lowed. | was in Sioux City, ana most
companies had been playing TO nara
luck there for months. | ran against
man who had 400 head OF cattle 10 drlVe
to LIE Mars about 30 miles away, ana L
wanted to get all the patronage posslole
from the half dozen small towns on the
road between there ana Sioux oity.
When | heard that this man was going
70 drive those cattle through all the
towns | wanted to reach, | went to
him and made an offer of S25 for the
privilege of painting the name and date
of my show on every steer in the bunch.
| had some trouble but sue
ceeded finally, and hired some
men to do the lettering. In
few hours every steer III the lot bore
in black letters on his expansive sides
the inscription, Rent, at the Peavey
Grand, Sioux City, Nov. lSt to 9th
Well vou would have been surprised at
the result. On the opening night they
came in on the evening trains from all
along the route, and we turned people
away by the score. Business was good
all the week, and l never invested SO i'll
a more paving scheme in my life.
Any person who thinks the granger is
a iay because he is cOrn-fed is labOrlng
under a mistaken notion. There is a
case in point wherein the simple farmer
got largely the best of bargain with a
St. Paul man who is noted for his aStute-
ness. The latter walked up to a poul-
try stall outside the market few days
ago and began sizing up some partlc-
ularly good looking turkeys offered for
sale there.
'Want to buy bird. sir?'' inquired
the gentleman from the country, way
ing his enormous hand in the direction
of the layout.
The astute gentleman replied that he
did, If he could get what he wanted.
Here IS a fine Bird" began the
dealer, taking down a large turkey.
Weighs twenty pounds without trim
ming. "Ain't better bird III the city"
he added, patting the plump breast af-
fectionately.
After some haggling and Weighing,
the head of family bought that turkey
and took it home with him. The next
morning, as the dealer i'll fowls was ply
ing his business with an unperturbed
countenance, his customer of the day
before appeared, wearing disguised
expression OF cOuntenance. lie hauled
from one of his pockets section OF lead
pipe weighing about two pounds and
laid it Oh the counter.
'See here," he said. "when | buy
turkey | want to have the privilege Of
stutfing it my own way. How do you
explain the presence of this Internal
pipe in the orihce of that turkey?'
The sImpie-minded farmer looked at
the piece of pipe in profound surprise.
We'll" he said, lit do beat hill what
a healthy turkey will eat. But, anyway,
you can't expect me to be responsible
for the deprayed appetite of the turkey.
A Minnesota turkey will eat most any
thing"
"Oh, you needn't give me that kind
of a song" broke in the purchaser.
You stuffed that pipe into the turkey,
and you're thief"
''See here" said the dealer, "ain't
the plumbing in that turkey first-class?
You come here aud buy a turkey with IL
No. sanitary arrangement and every
thing else, and now you come back and
tell me Pm fraud. Ii you think you
can get whole water main with
tWenty-pound turkey, you're badly left.
hGdu piDt, liluCCu. 1Ou ECU II lIlOtO OI
you now or I'll call the police"
key deal admires gall, because he has
with that turkey man It's lie said:
YOU'RE all right. If had your nerve
I'd be the richest man ia st. Paul to-
day. Good-day, sir; Pm glad l met
YOU"
An engaged young man writes a let
ter to the GLOBE i'll which he calls
upon the editor to inveigh, for the good
of morality and the feelings OF engaged
young men, against participation by
grown-up people in kissing games.
These games, he says, are growing i'll
popularity with the young people in So
ciety. The engaged young man is Bit
ter in his denunciatiOn of the practice,
and the terms he uses to describe the
disgust excited in him by this indiS-
eriminate kissing would hardly look
well in print People in his position
would naturally be expected TO feel
strongly on the point i'll question-more
so. at least, than others who are not be-
trothed; yet let him beware. Viewing
the situation from the standpoint of eX-
perience, he has no cause to inyeigh
against the kissing game. The best OF
girls will get tired ofpeTpetual salutation
from one pair of lips. no matter
how artistic may be the oScula
tory methods of their owner. She may
be ever so devoted TO one particular
swain, yet she will long for the innocent
folleS Of her youth occasionally, and, if
left alone to follow her own sweet viii
in the matter and manner of her amuse-
t,f,
the less faithful to the man whose offer
OF life devotion she has accepted. The
engaged Young man will do well 10 shut
trOthed existence, and look as much as
though he doesn't care as possible.
Poetry, waXed mustaehios, ennui
longhair and a high tenor voice will
often make a woman feel as though
there were only cambric handkerchief
between heaven and herself. This goes
for time, but it is the man with a
game leg, a cock eye and perhaps a
dozen other physical limperfections, who,
with six figures i'll his income, eyentu-
ally scoops her i'll and makes her happy
ever afterwards.
Every foreigner coming 70 America is
struck by the prevalence of custom
which is as purely American rs any of a
thousand things which strike the visitor
as peculiar. The custom referred to is
that so prevalent in st. Paul Of piiing
packages and bundles Of all sorts which
cannot be pushed into letter boxes, on
the top OF the boxes instead. In Europe
such practice would bc certain to re-
suit in the loss of the papers o. pack
ages thus left al the mercy of the street
gamin. Here they seem sacred to every
one, and they might stay on their perch
for twenty-four hours. ii moi gathered
up 10y the mail collectors, without being
stolen. The other day-Tather windy
day it was-the box near Seventh and
Wabasha was piled on high with bulky
mail packages. A gust OF wind blew
them of into the SHOW and slush, and
instantly every pedestrian joined in the
work Of rescue. Men, women and chill
dren FASTENED 10 capture the runaway
mail, and in a very short time the pile
Op fbn ton Nf thot Ipttpi. lAON tv1e < l.itrh