Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1891-01-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Elk tempore-A stopped watch.
Trying times-The quarter sessions.
Items of interest = Pawnbrokers'
pledges.
Give no back talk to a humpback.-
SJtings.
The pupil of the eye is incessantly
lashed. Pittsburg Dispatch.
The flower of the family usually blooms
in the shade.-Dencer Road.
1t is odd that all men are trying so
hard to get even.-Dattas (Iecas) Nees.
A mans lot may be hard, but his neigh.
boris hens can make it look fuzzy.-Bing-
lamton Leader.
Stove-"How did you get in here9"
Stovepipe-"Oh. elbowed my way in"
-New York Journal.
The man who wins the day ought to
have plenty of time at his disposal
Binghamton Republican.
'Dress makes the man. we often hear,
And self-made men are deemed successes;
But woman never will appear,
Unless she's poor, in self-made dresses.
Puck.
No wonder hearts are SO often wounded;
they're subject to so much betting
Binghamton Republican.
The capitalist who loaned money to
the cattle man referred to it as a beef
stake Washington Star.
Those men who with Indian ways are ac-
Declare that in war they are bad as they're
painted.
-Chicdgo Post.
Mrs. DeFadd--"Whata an eccentric per-
son Mrs. Homebody is" Mrs. Demania--
.'Isn't she the Oldest creature! She isn't
making collection of anything. .-New
York. Weekly.
A scrap of paper, creased and yellow
All that Is left of the dear old past;
A tailors bill paid the fellow;
1t was my first-would t were my last!
-Pittsburg Bulletin.
Homebody-"How did you spend
your time while in Europe2" Returned
Tourist-"I spent most of it hunting
through my pockets for tips. ."-NeU
York Weekly.
Up in Fractions: Employer Ito new
boy)-"Have you any brothers9" New
Boy - "Yez-zir, one" Employer =
"One2" New Boy-"That is, two half
brothers. ."-Harper's Basar.
Mr. Bingo-"Tommy, when you get
to be the head of a family, what will you
say to your sons?" Tommy 0houghtful.
ly)-s'I will tell them how good was
when was boy. ."-Ne,c Orleans Times
Democrat.
Time is not money always-not bit.
That man will tell very diffrent tale
Who tries to steal the savings of bank
And gets instead year or so in Jail.
philadelphia Times.
From the Contribution Box: "The
idea," said the African missionary, in
dignantly. "What's the matter2" 1.-THE
idea of sending celluloid poker chips to
aid the heather in an ivory country! y!"-
Nep York Sun.
McFingle-''How much is Brownson
worth?" McFangle-"Noth why,
I understand he had some valuable prop
erty9" son, yes; his property is worth
a good deal. But Brownson himself is
worthless. Boston Traoeler.
Wllu-Eyeu OpeFdtor-- Wo duu ones
$4,000 worth. Stamp Clerk Gin aston
ishmentl = "Five thousand dollars
worth of stamps9" 'Yes, I want to in-
vest in something that won't take tum-
BILE on my hands. y Chicago Tribune.
Love is an orchard where our feet
In courtship lead us for an hour,
To pluck the fruit the heart must eat
For aye, and some of it issweet
And some of it is sour.
Chicago Post
misunderstanding you want down
town to-day, my dear2 Shall order
some of that self rising fiour9" Wife
"We have plenty left; but l wish you
would stop at an intelligence Office and
order me u self rising servant girl."-
Nep York Weekly.
1t is told of Able Liszt that on one
of his concert tours through Germany he
was rendered banquet at a small town
by his admirers. When it was found
that thirteen were seated at the table the
general embarrassment was checked by
Liszt remarking: &Do not be alarmed
at such a trif1e. ,an eat for two per-
sons. - Chacdgo Herald.