The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-09-16
NEW YORK is SLOW.
So westerner Thinks and He Tells Why
He Thinks So.

and carriages?" asked the Blue Jay
liar from the west of policeman on
Fourteenth street yesterday, says M.
Quad in the New York Evefsi'1g World.
Been on Broadway"
Nothing there"
"On Fifth avenueP"
Nothing there"
''At Central ParkP"
Worse yet. Isuppose you do have
real horses here in New York;"
Il should remark. What sort of
man are you, anyhow"
Just common-just plug of man
from out west. am here to look and
pick up pointers. The absence of any
thing like real horse or fashionable
carriage has struck me as very queer.
Did you say you knew man who had
oneP Name. please? I'll hunt him
up"
DO you pretend to say we haven't
the finest horses and carriages in AM
erica right here in New Yorkpn de-
manded the officer.
You may have, but 1 haven't seen
'em. was at Central Park Sunday
afternoon, and the most stylish rig
saw there was one | sold at auction in
Denver two months ago for $500. Most
of the horses were animals that came
off my street-car lines and had been
sold cheap to get 'em out of the way.
There is one thing you New Yorkers
do excel in, however, and I'm glad to
give you credit. You take our old
turnouts and fix 'em up to look quite
as good as new. l saw three of my
secondhand rigs yesterday, and had
to look close to identify them. l
stopped one coach dead still by imitat-
ing the whistle of car-conductor.n
why. man" said the puzzled officer,
as he turned on him. ''you talk like
chap who is queer in his headr'
"Oh. of coursei That's the way you
have here of getting even with the
western man. If he doesn't praise
your old town sky-high and swallow
all your brag you put him down as
either drunk or crazy. Ever been out
west?"
mo. sir.''
81 thought not. or you would have
some style about wearing your uni
form. If you were to come on duty
in Omaha looking that way you'd get
fired in a second. Made here, l sup
pose?"
Yes, sir"
THAT accounts for it. New York is
the asylum of all the played-out tailors
in America. | lost my baggage here
few years ago, and had to go to tai
lor for suit to get home in. 1t was
all right until got west of Chicago,
and then / had to take it off and wear
blanket borrowed of an Indian. The
people wouldn't stand it,
why, I've always un derstood that
we have the very best of tailors here, :"
replied the officer. looking bit less
important than before.
Very naturally you have" contin-
ued the liar. You've sat right down
here and piped your horn until you
think there is nothing else in America.
I was through two or three of your
police stations yesterday. We want
to put up some new ones in Seattle,
and our folks asked me to get few
pointers. They didn't know but you
might have stumbled on something
new.n
"And you found them fine, sir?',
what! What! My dear man, I put
up thirty or forty shanties on my graz
highlands last year for shelters for my
cowboys, and I'm telling you that the
poorest one beats the best police sta
| tion in New York. / was almost paral-
yzed when I entered Headquarters
on Mulberry street. I supposed. OF
course, that / should see something
| fine, and it took half an hour to satisfy
me that it wasn't Nebraska county
schoolhouse moved here as relic.
/ Our police force in Cheyenne. for in
stance. wouldn't use such a place even
to change their boots in. This is Four
teenth street, isn't it?"
'.Yes, SIR
'Ah! They were telling me I'd see a
crowd here this. afternoon. At what
hour do the people come out. please?'
"Great heavens! but don't you call
this crowd?s exclaimed the officer.
Probably seems that way to you
because you live here, serenely OBJ
served the liar, "but I am actually
lonesome for the sight of crowd.
When you get sidewalk $50 feet wide
and strong men are squeezed to death
in the throng of pedestrians you can
begin to talk about crowds. This
simply reminds me of the school.
children passing my house every morn
ing. I think you have store here
! with ABOUT elghty dlnerent depart
ments in itp''
'Yes. sir.
s.And you brag of it?''
Isn't it immense, sir?"
For New York, yes. Say, my boy,
if you ever happen in Fargo hunt me
up. I'll take great pleasure in show
ing you through a little branch con-
Germ l have there which has 2I0 de-
partments and is classed as nothing
but side-show. Got to go, eh?"
/ Yes. sir.''
We'll, I'm sorry for you, but ]
didn't make your uniform and can't
help you. You look good enough fol
New York. no doubt, but don't come
west with such fit. You'd stampede
the cattle and mules on sight. and our
boys might use you little rough.n