River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1891-01-29
PITH AND POINT.

I'm close application to busint &c
nothing gets much ahead OF a mustard
plaster Rams Horn.
Some people go on the principle
that the hest discipline for boy is to
find out what he doesn't ike, and then
give him plenty of it, Rams Horn.
THAT'S right. my boy. I'm glad
you have thrashed the miller's son; but
what had he done to you?' He said
looked like you. father. "-Fliegende
Blatter.
Consistent Sallie II arlzins
is the greatest girl for getting bargains
at second hand Isn't she? | under
stand she's going to marry widower. "
y. Y. sun.
Look herel You just jabbed me in
the eye with your umbrella" Too
bad. Here's my fathers card. He's an
eye doctor, and if you'll use my name
he'll give you bottom rates. '-Philadel-
phia Record.
Lively Game. - Patron looking
over restaurant bill of farel-''Wel, 1
don't care for beef, mutton, pork, veal
or any of these things to-day. Haven't
you any game?" Waiter-''Yes, sab;
CLAIMS. food News.
"A Greater Evil-Rural Pastor (sol-
emnly)-"Man's inhumanity to man
makes countless thousands mourn. :"
thing to woman's inhuwomanity TO
woman. N. y. Weekly.
-Woman's Love For Woman.-Louise
Her face is her fortune" Isabel
"Well. it is one of those rare cases
where it speaks web for one to have in
herited ones fortune, and not to have
made it ones self. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Madam, observed the actor to the
mother of yelling infant in the audi
eace, when your child is quite through
applauding | win continue to merely
feign insanity. At presents the pres
sure is entirely too great !''-American
Grocer.
How He Got 0n.-Cobwigger-
your son is learning the real-estate
business? Is he getting along well?"
Bradshaw-'-So far he has learned to
take the real-estate off the officewin-
dows and the boss ) shoes. "-Munsey's
Weekly.
Have You motto ed what a vast guam
tity of information old Simpel has ac-
quired during the last several days?"
"Yes 1t is easily accounted for. His
fifteen-year-old son returned from
boarding-school last week for a short
visit. ''-Norristown Herald.
The Wrong House. IAN
swering bell)-"My master isn't in,
sir: YOU may leave the bill if You wish. :"
Caller(in surprisel Bill? have no bill
wish to Servant in surprise alsol
No bill? Then You must have called
at the wrong house. Paris Cautious.
Is that colored woman coming 20
do your work ," asked a Washington
woman of a friend who has had great
deal of trouble with servants. We'll -
was the reply, ''she Is coming here to
live. and if She likes the work / guess,
maybe. she'll do il. Washington Post.
-Constance-s'I care not for your pow
erty. George. Let us we'd at once. We
can live on one meal day if necessary"
George-"Can you cook. love?" Con-
stanee-.'George, l attended cooking
school for two months" George-''Then
we will wed. / think one meal a day
will answer Prairie Farmer.
"A teacher had been telling the class
the story of the rich man ard Lazarus,
when she asked the question: Now,
children. which would you rather be,
the rich man or lazarus" \ little boy
spoke out and said: II would rather be
the rich man while l live and Lazarus
when die"
WAS your husband insured?'' Eyes:
five thousand dollars in mutual assess
ment company" Did you get the
money! Il understand that did. John
was the only member IN good standing
at the time of his death. and the assess
ment fell on me. But I've got the
money."-Harper's Bazaar.
"A Diplomatic Youth.-The Nurse
(proudly presenting a large-headed, bald
and cross-eyed first-born) Don't you
think he's splendid" Mr.. Gottleft who
knows the fond mother is listening,
taken aback. but equal to the occasion)
-.Er-ah, really, heard he was a fine,
big boy. but had no idea he was such
a monster
"A Stricken Career.-Tramp-''Ma-
dam, a year ago l was a prosperous con-
ductor on a popular railroad. Travel
was good and lived in luxury. Now.
alas. am | fallen. and all through the
base action of one of the directors.
Kind Lady" What didhe do?" Tramp
lie insisted upon taking my place.
N. Y. Sun.