Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1891-01-19

He was dismal failure,
As an ice navigator,
And it Is stated
That's why she skated
OFF with another skater,
F1Tzs1MMoNs never tasted liquor, and that's
why he licked Dempsey.
OUIDA uses perfume on her hair that costs
$50 an ounce. 1t is not centless scent, at all
events.
THE electric light will save the lives of the
granger statesmen. There's not SO much gas
to blow out now as there used to be.
LAUGHING sTocKs-Those on the guns sur
rendered by the Indians.
INGALLS, speech seems to have made
saS.
THE mar with hard cheek suffer- under
dull razor just the same at other victims.
Out of Order.
He dropped nickel in the slot,
Expecting weight and date;
The little joker cometh not,
But still he got wait.
MONEY squandered on a box at the opera
goes for song.
THE Harmony Society of Pennsylvania is
located at Economy. The inharmonious society
is located at Harrisburg, and economy is not
in it.
The promoters of the Chicago air ship say
there's no flies on it Perhaps this figure of
speech means more than they think.
THE wedding circlet is the female prize ring.
QUAY sticks to his friends in spite of all
efforts to pull him away from them. Harrison
has found this out. and is sad.
THE man who shoots folly as it flies is usually
loaded with liquor.
THE freckled girl will make better wife
than the tickle girl, my boy.
Got His Cue.
The maiden blushed and hung her head,
what do you take me for" she said.
The young man spoke up eagerly,
For better or for worse" said he.
PEOPLE who do nothing never amount to
anything in this world.
A NoIsELEss piano is among the list of late
patents. This is the key to the solution of
long standing nuisance.
HARD words frequently lead to hard blows.
LAST year the arrests for drunkenness in
Philadelphia increased 6,000 Dullness and
lonesomeness will drive people to drink.
scourged by the lash of prejudice and don't
know it.
PHILADELPHIA doctors are puzzled over a
patient whose heart is on the right side, which
is the wrong side. So long as it's in the right
place they should be satisfied.
A Hill Episode.
The pavement was smooth as polished glass;
Pedestrians took to the street.
With the exception of one little lass
Who seemed to have faith in her teet
Her pathway lay down heavy grade,
Soon a scream succeeded whirl;
When picked her up she sweetly said,
.pm only slip of girl"
OLD maids missed a chance once and the
Miss clings to them still.
ONE of the Senators spoke for II hours the
other night He run the risk of losing his voice
in order to save motion.
THE cranks who believe that persuasion can
pacify mad Indians are arriving at Pine Ridge.
This means more idle talk.
JOHNNIE will get his gun again, perhaps If
the force bill is forced on him.
Forgot He Was in Boston.
''You are the apple of my eye"
He said with agitation.
"Sir p said the maiden. "bye-the.bye,
That's not my appellation."
A CRAZY PAToH.-The tiny piece of court
plaster on the cheek of the girl of the period.
THE pugilist guards his trunk with unusual
care.
IF the people have any grit they will not
allow those who occupy positions of trust to
throw sand in their eyes.
SoUR-TEMPERED folks seldom taste the
sweets of life. WILLIE WINKLE.
Gubernatorial Friction.
Bradford Record.I
Tho fart that Connecticut has tarted o,,t