Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-04-27
1t is hard for a man to face the world

1t Is hard for man to lace Ine WoFlu
when he is fiat on his back.
There is nothing man is so proud Of
as a child that is sound asleep in bed.
The cornerstone of philosophy If you
can't have what you want, don't want 1t.
Women are welded to fashion and
they love, honor and obey it cheerfully.
The man who could run a newspaper
To suit everybody went to heaven long
ago.
Talk is cheap. when you can send it
through the telephone at the rate of 10
cents an hour.
Every heart knowethits own bitterness.
Many a man who looks happy is wearing
u shirt his wife made.
Poor Ellie (who has been stung)-First
it walked about all over my hand, and it
was SO nice! but o! when it sat down!
Appeal of very young lawyer; Gen
tleman of the jury, l beseech you, acquit
my client for my sake, for this is my first
casei
Miss de Jinks-Are you musical, Pro-
fessor Jorkins? Professor Jorkins-Yes;
but if you are going to play, don't mind
my feelings!
Woman may be able to pack trunk
better than u man, but she needs the man
to sit on the lid after she has packed it,
just the same.
One of the most amusing ard harmless
of distractions that man is heir to is the
fancying what he would do if he were
somebody else.
Nancy (to her cousin from the city
can you climb trees? Maud (irst visit to
the country, in panied surprise) -Haven't
you an elevator?
That was a sympathetic audience,
had, said the lecturer. Yes, thought
they all seemed sorry for each other, said
his bosom friend.
Look out, howled the impatient victim
in the BARRIERS chair. Do you think you
are carving in wood? No, sir; more like
etching on brass.
1t is said there are only 263 bones in
the human body but when man has been
hoeing potatoes all day long it is hard
for him to believeit.
Goldbags Cooking out at the tenements)
Alas 1t must be very hard to be poor.
Weneman-On the contrary,it's confound-
eddy easy to be poor.
The electric cars have come to stay.
said Mr.. Walker, when after enjoying the
peaceful calm of blockade for an hour,
he got out and tramped it home.
How is your friend doing out in Hele
ma, Mont? Oh, he's carrying everything
before him. Good. what business is he
in? He's waiter in a restaurant.
Teacher-Yes, Russia is an empire and
the capital is in St. Petersburg. Mention
a staple article of that country, Juddy.
Juddy CATER some deliberation) -Exiles.
Jane, the biscuits were like Jumps of
lead this morning? Yes'm, know that,
but then 1 heard you say the master had
To have heavy breakfast before going
TO his business.
Young Mr.. Dedbroke-I want to marry
your daughter-Old Man Surplus-What
for? Dedbroke-Well, 1 don't know eX-
actly, but hope its for not less than a
hundred thousand.
Amelia, darling. Yes, Arthur. You
know we are soon TO be married. Yes.
And we should learn to be economical
IN small things. Yes. Hadn't we better
turn down the gas.
Teacher-Johnny, what do you think
you would like to be when a man? Pupil
A school teacher. Teacher-And why?
Pupil Cos dad says folks don't need to
know much for that.
Your omelet would be d perfect poem
dear, but for one thing. What is that?
You have mixed at least one eighteenth
century lay with the other eggs, which
are essentially modern
It's very queer, isn't it, John, that they
can't find the north pole? Yes, he replied
but if they ever do I'll bet the telegraph
companies1l have wires fastened all over
it in less than no time.
The doctor-Well, madame, did the
prescriptions which L ordered for your
husband do its work? A perfect success,
have not had the slightest difficulty
with the life insurance company.
Hostess-Don't you think my daughter
has fine voice, Mr.. Bronson? and that
/ ought to send her to Paris to have it
cultivated? Bronson-Yes, if were YOU
would send her at least as far as that.
/ want something for my boy to work
at, SAID an anxious father to friend
What can he do? Well,replied the father,
with a sigh. l really don't know. He is
too light for heavy work and too heavy
for light work.