davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
suffIoIent ProvooatIon.

Lawyer" Did he charge you with ly-
Ing IN so many words?"
Client: well, he called ME a weather
forecast"
Lawyer: THAT is sufficient. You
stand a good chance of getting dam.
ages"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
4 srmpsthstIe P.rrot.

A little girl hardly more than u
baby was found wandering around
the streets of Houston. Texas, and
taken to the station-house After
questioning. 1t was discovered that
her name was Lula that her home
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
Most Likely.

Examiner: II am surprised thatyou
havo all made mistakes in answering
the question. Where was Magma
charUa signed? Think over it-can no
one tell me?"
Little Boy lat bottom OF class: ~
can, sir"
Examiner: ''Well?"
Little Boy: "At the bottom of the
page"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04

IN use and they represent such an
enormous expenditure of money that
railroad companies Will not be IN too
great haste to set them aside. But rs
the old ones wear out the new motors
Will take their place"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
Not Pleasant.

Wife: what = terrible thing It u
TO be buried alive
Husband: "Yes, and it isn't such =
deliriously pleasant thingto be buried
dead, either"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
Thirst for knovyladre.

Tramp with an old schOoi-bookl-
@Say. mister, will yer kindly tell me
what letter this isl"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
The Probabilities OF a Celestial
CataCIysm.

a German astronomer, Herr jaeger,
has arrived Mt the conclusion, based
upon observations made by Mons.
Hermann on the movement of40 stars
in the visual region, that the solar
system, with reference to the relative
positions OF the visible stars, moves
with velocity OF 90 miles per second;
the mean speed Of the so-caIled fixed
sfhrs being about 81 miles per second.
Herr jaeger goes further; by means of
calculations analogous to those of the
kinetic theory OF gas, he estimates
that each star encounters another in
32S billions Of billions of years. The
probabilities of q celestial Cataclysm
consequent upon the impact of two
or more s;dereal bodies are therefore
apparently very remotc-Iron.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
Good Advice

Young Author: "Can you tell me
how to become a good poetf"
Editor: "The very first thing for
you to do is to die. All thegood onea
are dead"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
Electrically Welded ProJeotues.

The latest application of electric
welding is to the construction of pro-
iectiles. The shells for modern quick
firing guns have to be, furnished with
an intensely hard point for armour
piercing purposes, and, until recently,
none but thesmallest sizes have been
successfully made. 1t would, however,
appear that the electric welding pro-
cess will come in play with excellent
effect, rs it is now possible to cheaply
and rapidly furnish the steel body of
the shell with chrome steel point
which will prove all that can be de-
sired Iron.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
why They Laughed.

. he was very nice young man, and
was got up in the highest style of art.
He sat in the tramcar and regarded
with evident admiration pair OF very
positive, very loudly checked, and
very new trousers, which he pulled up
carefully at the knees to prevent any
tendency to bagging.
The car ratified and clattered along,
and all the passengers gazed into up
ward vacancy, like all trnmcar pass
engers do. Finally IA fair maiden, who
sat opposite the young man, saw
something and giggled, after the fash
ion OF her kind. Then she looked at
the nice young man and giggled again,
then she nudged her fair companion,
and the fair companion gazed across
the car, looked Mt the nice young man
and giggled. 4 small boy followed
their looks, stared at something over
the young mans head, and he, too,
laughed quietly.
All this annoyed the nice young
man, who had been looking very wise,
and when two or three other passen-
gers joined in the chorus, he began to
wriggle and ceased looking wise. The
laughing increased, and grew, and
spread, and the nice young man grew
desperate. He got up to see what it
was over his head that caused the un-
seemly cachinnntIon. lie found it. II
was one of those big cardboard adver-
tisements that ndorn tramcnrs.. 1t
was printed in big black letters. and
il said
'"The young man sitting beneath
this card is one OF our customers. lie
is very fussy and hard to please. but,
myl isn't he an elegant dresser? lie
has on pair of our 50 trousers"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1891-12-04
IN A LIGHTER STRAIN.
SOME GOOD JOKES CLEANED
FROM BRIGHT EXCHANGES
humorous Incidents. Bright say
Sings and Fun provoking Sketch
os of Various Kinds Conpil-
ed From Latest Pro-
duCtionS
The Use of the Other Barrel.

The forethought shown by the hero
of the William Telllesend, in preparing
a second arrow to shoot the tyrant
should the first have killed his boy, is
not confined to heroic times. An
American gold.seeker in California
once adopted similar practical means,
though with a less digniGed motive.
When he arrived at the dicgings-so
relates one of the early miners-ons of
the first persons to attract his notice
there was a man who, at an impromp-
tn table, made by placing boards up
on the tops of barrels, was prepared
to serve coffee and food to the other
miners.
The new arrival was as poor as he
was hungry, and therefore endeavored
to conciliate the restaurant keeper by
every means in his power hoping that
he might so far ingratiate himself with
that dignitary as to obtain credit for
q meal. The hour for dinner arrived,
and the proprietor of the hotel went
into his shanty and appeared with a
double-barrelled gun which he pro-
.ceeded to fire once in fIont of the
house.
What are you firing for?" asked
the newcomer innocently.
"Oh, ," answered the man, 81 keep n
sort of restaurant, and that's my
dinner bell. The miners here are
scattered round for two or three
miles"
But" said the stranger. "they
may not hear the first barrel Why
don't you make sure thing of it, and
shoot off the second?"
+ a wicked smile passed over the grim
countenance ofthe old settler, and he
looked at the querist with meaning as
he said, THAT there one l keep to
collect the price of the dinner with"
, 1891-08-22

Mr.. Fous. remarked that he was fortu
nate. and certainly his misfortune was not
as large as it might have been. One
hundred and seventy-five dollars in money
had been tucked away in the bed. but
this morning he deposited a portion,
keeping the rest in his pocket. HIS house
had been completely ransacked, the bur
glars ever going through the clock.
Trunks were broken open, books and
other articles were scattered about the
house and clothing wa piled IN heaps on
the floor. Mrs. Foust lost a gold watch
and chain worth $3.50, which was wedding
present from her father. Six rings, from
plain gold to diamond, opera glasses, a
revolver and articles amounting in the
whole to about $500 we're taken. A full
bottle of port wine and one of whisky
sat side by side. The whisky was I'M
touched but just enough Of the wine re-
manned for THE LEADER man TO sample
the kind Of liquor drank by thieves. In
the same trunk out of which
much of the plumber was secured a
box of old coins and relics remained I'M
touched. There we're many coppers, but
also one $50 gold piece. two 81 so and
four 81 gold pieces.
, 1891-08-22
THE CIKCUS.
A RAINY Dav For Forepaugh--Good
Performances and Large
Attendance.

Cheyenne has had very lew days in any
season of the year more disagreeable than
yesterday. A chilling east wind and a
cold drenching rain made a particularly
u%npropitious circus day. The parade,
which is usually a grand feature in Fore
paugh's visit, was on account of the rain,
somewhat disappointing as much Of the
glitter and glare which goes to make up a
street pageant had necessarily to be
omitted. A sight perhaps rarely seen on
IN occasion of the kind was several Of
the indians in the procession riding
through the downpour with blankets
wrapped around them completely to the
crown aud carrying big umbrellas TO fur.
Their shield them from the storm.
Despite the bad weather there we're a
large number OF visitors from the country
and both afternoon and evening perform
ances were fairly well attended. While
all of the features Of the exhibition were
excellent. those particularly deserving of
mention are the trapeze performances of
the Hanlons. The most difficult feats arc
performed by them with such ease and
grace that their danger is lost sight of
and their daring fights through the AIR
can be watched without even
by the most timid.
Col. f. Daniel Boone and Miss Carlotta
gave a thrilling exhibition with their FIVE
monster lions and German boar hound,
Saxon. A particular pleasing feature
was Adam Forepaugh, Jr's. management
of his trained stations and his equally
skillful handling of the eight elephants, a
well trained herd Of wonderful Intelligence.
The posturlng by a clever Japanese
family, the artistic posing by the Smith
brothers, the display OF strength by Miss
Bliss. and all of the trapeze work and
ring riding were particularly pleasing per
formances.
The realistic illustrations of life in the
West is a part of the programme which
might be proftably omitted when the
show gets west of the Missouri river.
Scores OF COWBOYS ride as well or better
than some of the crack riders Of the show,
and the supposed thrilling scenes repre-
senting the stage robbery, lynchIng horse
thieves and other Western ways, are
rather tame affairs under canvas.
A good plan pursued by the manage
ment is that of not annoying the pat-
rons of the show with the usual array OF
peanut and lemonade hawkers who make
life miserable to the audience. After
the close of the performance last night
the big tents, the hundreds of horses and
wagons and the 500 employees we're but a
lew hours in the city before their train
pulled out tor the west.
, 1891-08-22

Ed. Farrar, night magager at the West
ern Union telegraph office, was a heavy
sufferer from thieving depredations yes
terdav. HIS house was entered through
the rear door and everything found OF
value was taken. His loss included Jew
elry, opera glasses and money, and will
amount to at least $3.50. There was a
dog in the house at the time but the
thieves whipped him with a small cane
until he ran out. A neighbor lady saw
the thieves getting into the house but wa.
afraid to give the alarm as the thieves
we're such tough looking men that sh;
didn't want to take any chances.
, 1891-08-22

c. MCLAUGHLIN is IN from Horse Greek.
r. p. Allen of Little Bear is in tho
city.
Geo. Prentice of Rock Greek is at the
Inter Ocean.
Superintendent Wurtelc returned from
Douglas yesterday.
Trainmaster Chas. Culross came over
from Laramie yesterday.
A. II. Corl,tt, a ranchman from near
RawliDs, is at the Inter Ocean.
Sheriff Cnas. Yund of Laramie was in
Cheyenne yesterday on business.
c. 3. Person of Laramie was regis
tered last night at the Inter Ocean.
Ollie Whitman is in from Iron Noun
tain, visiting the family of f. J. Fisher.
Mr.. WurteIe OF st. Paul is in the city
visiting his brother, Superintendent Wur,
tele,
, 1891-08-22
TAKEN BY THIEVES.
About 81, 900 Worth of IeweIry
Stolen.
Cheyenne Houses Ransacked From
Cellar to Attic.
NOT a Cents Worth of the Booty
Yet Recovered.
All the Thieves at Large to Prey
On Other Western Towns.

A large number OF houses were burglar
lied yesterday while the procession of
Forepaugh's circus was passing through
the streets. Many people were down
town, leaving their houses unoccupied,
and then it WAS that the thieves got in
their work.
The own Yesterday was full of bum
mers, and all of them came in with the
show. Friday morning Sheriff Kelley.
Officer Ingals and John Nolan searched
the quarantine and stock yards aud landed
a large bunch of tramps in the city and
county Jail, thus thoroughly cleaning up
the town. Now the thieves undoubtedly
follow the show, as the depredations have
been reported from Denver. Greeley. and
reported that about twenty of the cut
throats got off the circus train when it
came 10. and started to lay out the town.
The circus people deny that the gang be-
longs to the show outfit, but still, wher-
ever the circus goes, there the thieves are
to be found. The gang must have been
a large one. as houses were robbed in diff
ferent parts of the town at about the same
time.
The houses of r. f. Glover. on East
Seventeenth street, VIM. Foust, 1915
Seymour, Ed Farrar on Maxwell street,
A. Lawson. MAY Terrace, Chris. 0'Brien,
Twenty-ffth and Evans, and J. W. Har-
mer, West Twentieth street, were broken
into and all the iewelry and small articles of
value which the thieves could find were
takan
, 1891-08-22

j. W. Harmer lives next door west of
Lawson. Mrs. Harmer lost a gold watch
and a gold thimble which had belonged to
her mother and was priced verv highly.
The thieves also took the little boys bank
containing 81. 10 and helped themselves to
cigars. At every place the reporter
called the story told by the ladies was
much the same. The articles lost were
priced not only for theiI intrinsic value
but they we're treasured kecpsakes. Some
articles of Mrs. Glover's she had kept
from giIlhood and like Mrs. Foust's we'd
ding presents and Mrs. Hammers tumble
they were treasured dearly.
, 1891-08-22

Cosby Little Paragraphs Picked u
Throughout the CITY.

Run down to the picnic tomorrow.
Don't forget the T~urnverein picnic to-
morrow.
A large number of Sidney people came
up yesterday to see the show.
Geo. ii. Truckey has a number of white
mice.in one of his show windows that at
tract a great deal of attention.
j. G. Quinn, the printer, who lost a
leg by being run over at Evanston, is in
Salt Lake city and is being cared for by
the printers of that place.
Mrs. De Forest Richards, Miss Inez
Richards. and j. De Forest Richards. ar
rived from Douglas yesterday and will &C
to Laramie today to attend the encamp.
ment.
The Turnverein picnic on Sunday at
Kingmau's grove will be a very pleasant
outing. The Burlington will run cheap
excursion trains to aud from the picnic
grounds.
Handsomely furnished rooms at the
Whitcomb house aud Whitcomb house
annex Castle Dare. Best dining room
in the city. Corner of Ferguson and
Twentieth streets. Charges moderate.
At Ashford's palace barber shop, OPP
posite the postofice, there are five chairs
and that many frstclass workmen. Hail
cutting a specially. Best baths in the
nttr n,,,Iar ,r,xl H. .a. .ol.,
G. G. De Haas was arranged before
Judge Lee yesterday charged With dis
turbance. He paid the fine ano was re
leased. He returned the watch and money
he had that belonged to a friend and wa;
not prosecuted.
John +. Davis, who has been foreman
OF the car repair shops, yesterday resigned
his position. He came here in 1868 from
Sidney and has worked for the company
ever since. Geo. Hauser will be acting
foreman of that department.
Miss Kate Drexel. known in the church
as Sister Katherine, has zone to Fort
WashakIe with four sisters of a new re,
liRious order which has for its object the
religious education of the Indians. Fort
Washakie will be the headquarters of tn,
order.
Judge Blake OF Laramie with hi
stcnographer, Miss Webster, arrived
from Laramie yesterday. They go t.
Casper today to open court there on Mon
day. The trial Of City Marshal Conway
for the killing of the cowboy Red Jack
TidwelI is among the first on the docket
, 1891-08-22

Tie facilities Of the present day for The
=, oducticn of everything that will CON
lace 10 The material welfare and comtor.
IT mankind are almost unlimited ais,
!lcn Syrup of Figs was first prodGcc1
lie world was enriched with the 0 ~
perfect laxative known, as it is the ouly
remedy which is truly pleasing and re
freshing to The taste and prompt and
eEectual to cleanse the system gently in
the Spring time or, in fact, at any time
and the better it is known the more pop
uilr Il Iecomea
, 1891-08-22

guarded the officers tents Thursday night.
This morning they reported several at
tempted inyasions and an equal number
of defeats for the midnight marauders.
Many OF the boys are fixing up their
tents with all the modern improvements.
Corp. Chenery is an expert in such mat,
tiers, and the tent in which he hunks is a
model of ingenuity.
Lieut.. Rossire commands with the
grace and dignity OF an army officer. He
also looks after his company aud takes
good care that they are not imposed IN in
any way.
The boys are hoDing. That their Chey-
enne friends will turn out in large mum,
bers on Sunday to visit camp. We can't
promise ice cream for dessert, but can as
sure every visitor of a most hearty vel,
come.
, 1891-08-22

Chris O'Brien's house, corner Twenty
fifth and Evans streets, was ransacked
from cellar to garrett. The thieves cut
the screen Of the cellar window. the win
dow itself having been lett open. Though
the small hole they crawled into the eel
lar. AS. Mr.. O'Bbrien's house is well
furnished they evidently expected to get
some valuables, and every bed. trunk,
even to a child's toy trunk. and every
thing that would be likely to contain val
, 1891-08-22
False Alarm

1t was rumored that J. G. Costello's
house had been robbed, but investigation
proved the rumor false.
All the work was done by professional
thieves. The most out-of.the- way por-
tions of the residences we're ransacked,
and very rarely was anything overlooked
that was valuable.
, 1891-08-22

The thieves got a pearl pin of Mrs.
Glover's worth about 5000; also a box
of iewelry-rings, pins, etc. and a
five-shooter revolver. Mrs. Glover said
to a reporter that she did not
remember just what was in the box. as it
contained some of her husbands things
as well as her own. Another box of jew
elry which had Just been gotten ready to
send east was not molested. The loss at
the Glover residence is estimated at about
$500.
, 1891-08-22

Some people are constantly troubled
with boils-no sooner does one heal than
another makes its appearance. A thor
ough course OF Ayers Sarsaparilla, the
best of blood purifiers, effectuallv puts an
end to this annoyance. We recommend
n trinl
, 1891-08-22

uables, had been searched. A small box
containing a gold pin and a gold necklace
worth about $40 he'd been pried open, but
$40 Jewels were not good enough, and so
we're left where found.
, 1891-08-22

Place the thieves cut a hole through the
screen door and picked the lock, entering
the kitchen. Up stairs they found a gold
watch and chain o! Mrs. Lawson's, brace
lets and a Liz 44-caliber revolver, worth
in all about 800.
, 1891-08-22

A. p. Swanson was made happy last
evening, as he drew the $50 worth of
furniture at Turnbulrs IN club No. l..
Mrs. T. }. Fisher drew the first $50 in
club No. 2.
, 1891-08-22

Go to Germania Hall if you want a
good, pure and undulterated 5 year old
Stonewall wbiskey. 81. 90 per quart.
, 1891-08-22

Few children can be induced to take
physlc without a struggle, and no wonder
most drugs are extremely nauseating.
Ayers Pills, on the contrary, being uga
coated, are easily swallowed by the little
ones, and are, therefore, the fayorite
family medicine.
, 1891-08-22

Sheriff Kelley arrested a man at the
show grounds yesterday who is suspected
OF being connected with the burglaries.
He gave his name as Davis, and says that
he Is from Denver. He was pointed out
to the sheriff by Mr.. Kellogg, the detect
i've with the show. When arrested the
man had several skeleton keys and picks
on his person, that are used in picking
locks. Mr.. Kelley thinks he has caught
a sneak thief who is wanted IN Denver
for sneaking an overcoat from a pawn
broker.
, 1891-08-22
HeRE,s TIE PolMr

One point well driven home, is worth a
dozen halt hearted statements. / do
business on business principles and, when
| sell a pair Of shoes, it is as good a pair
as can be manufactured for the money.
The moment YOU put your feet into them
you Il begin to get satisfaction out Of
them. | manage my affairs so that a
minimum margin OF profit satisfies me
and | don't make one customer pay the
bad debts OF another. You may easily
fare worse if you go any further, but you
can't fare any better no matter how lar
you go.
Headquarters Tor boots, shoes, leather
and findings in any quantity.
, 1891-08-22

Soda water at David drug store.
, 1891-08-22

TIME TABLE.
UNION PACIFIC MAIN LINE.
INVEST BOUND DAILY.l
Arrive. Depart.
No. l nimited passenger. $50 am. Cos q. IN.
No. 3 fast maiD-.--..--. sos am. Sis am.
No. 7 (eXpress).-----a--.l2s5O pm. l:89 m.
MAIN LINE.
[EAsT DAILY.1
Arrive. Depart.
No. 2 limTted passenger. $50 am. SOS am.
No. 4. (fast mail)..-.....- 2:l5 am. 2S am
No. s (eNpress). ..-.-........-- 4:45 p-m. 5:IO PIN.
DENVER PACIFIC BRANCH-DAILY.
[NoRTH EoUSD.l
Lv. Den. Ar. Chey.
NO l.-..-........... .......a"-".ll:SO pm o'O all.
NO. oio ALL h-o P'h'
SOUTH BoUSD.l
Lv. Chey. Ar. Den.
no. ..--..'.-. --.-s..--"-"' 49, ~"
No. 4a5o pm. STU pm.
CHEYENNE & NORTHERN.
Arrive. Daily except Sunday Depart.
1870 PM. 7OO am.
CHEYENNE Il BURLINGTON.
Daily except sunday
Arrive Leave
lOO p.m. BIS n m.
, 1891-08-22

WANTED.
WANTED GIRL FOR GENERAL
w housework. Must be a good laundress.
Apply Mt this office.
WANTED EXPERIENCED WOMAN
w cook at Empire house, 5l5 West Seven
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. COOK, DINING
" room girl and chambermaid at Whit
comb house.
FOR SALE.
ELowERS-MRs. CLAICHE, I6rH AND
Z Warren.
c OR SALE 3 lead OF YOUNG MARES
L ana 3 colts, cheap. Apply at Metropoli
tan Hotel.
Tor sALE-HoRsE FOR SALE CHEAP.
e Inquire at singer office, l7l0 Ferguson st.
Tor SALE-PoNY AND SADDLE. In
e qllre T.. A. Rogers, SO East Eleventh st
Tor sALE-A PAIR OF HEAVY DRAFT
Co.
ron RENT.
Z OR RENT-Two ROOM HOUSE N GOOD
L condition. Cheap. Apply cor 10th and
Snyder streets.
Z OR RENT-NEw EIGHTROOM HOUSE,
Il corner Of Nineteenth and Russell. Inquire
of Mrs. Kimme. Fifteenth street.
EOR RENT-A NICELY FURNISHED
Z front room, street entrance. Inquire at
EFoR RENT-Two FURNISHED ROOMS
4 nicely located. lis West Nineteenth street.
EOR RENT-A FINE LARGE ROOM,
L well furnished and conveniently located,
Apply at this office.
EoR OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES ROOMS,
l. Cheyenne National Bank block. Apply
to g.. +. Morgan.
hotel.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-10-16
We should .be very careful what

We should .be very careful what
we eat in the way of green vegeta-
bles to avoid cholera mnrbis, fiux
and dysentery, and parents should be
particularly careful with the little
ones. If you have any of these COM
plants it is not necessary to send for
doctor, when a % or 90 cent bottle
of Lightning Hot Drops will cure you.
Children like it. Mr.. :. II. Wilson.
Stumptown, w. Va. says: Light
ming Hot Drops is the best medicine
for diarrh9a, summer complaint,
cramps and collie. 1t can't be beaten.
VIII relieve in two minutes. For
children il has no equal. For fiuX it
is king" ltl~ sold by everybody.
Nine times out Of ten when chill
'lren are Eocvish and iretful they
have WOrnis. Tho next time your
child is that way try "a bottle of
lightning Worm KilIer. and see if it
Toes not help it, Mr.. j. Is. Knight,
kright, W. Va, say: zone of my
customers bt night bottle of Light
uiHg Worm Killer. and gave his lit
tie girl two doses, and she passed 1873
WORMS rs the result. / cannot sell
my other worm medicine since"
If you can't sleep, have no appetite
and Il bad duIl feeling. your kidneys
and liver are out of order. Mr.. G. B.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1891-10-16

Ask my agents for W. l.. Douglas Shoes.
II not for sale in your place ask your
agency, and get them for you.
~ TAKE NO DESTITUTE. Il