The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1891-05-22

IL *.
distinguished landscape painter from
Philadelphy.
He Is artist, papa. Here is one of
his master-pieces-a young mother gaz.
in admirin'ly upon her first born" and
my daughter showed me really pretty
picter done in lie. "Is it not beautiful.
papa? He throws so much soul into his
work"
docs he? does hep said I-"well, I
reckon I'd better hire him to whitewash
our fence. 1t needs it. What will YOU
charge, SIR" l continued, "to throw some
soul into my fence?'
| My daughter went out of the room in
very short meeter, takin' the artist with
her, and from the emphatical manner in
which the door slam'd l concluded she
was summat disgusted at my remarks.
She closed the door, l may say, in italics.
/ went into the closet and larfed all alone
by myself for over half an hour. Ilarfed
SO vi'lently that the preserve Jars ratified
like u cavalry offisser's sword and things,
which it aroused my BETSY, who came
and opened the door pretty suddent. She
seized me by the few lonely hairs that
still linger sadly upon my bare-foo.ed
he'd, and dragged me out of the closet,
| incidentally obsarving that she didn't
exactly see why she should be compelled,
| at her advanced stage of life, to open
| ASYLUM for sooperanooated idiots.
My wife is one of the best wimin on
this continent, altho' she isn't always
gentle as lamb, with mint sauce. No,
not always.
But to return to the war meetin'. 1t
| was largely attended. The Editor of the
Bugle arose and got up and said the fact
could no longer be disguised that we
were involved in u war. Human gore"
| said he, sis howin'. All able bodied men
should seize u musllet and march to the
tented field. l repeat it, sir, to the
tented field"
A voice-"Why don't you go yourself,
you old blow hard?"
81 am identified, young man, with q
Arkymedian leaver which moves the
world" said the Editor, wiping his au-
burn brow with his left coat-tail: II al
lude, young man, to the press. Terms,
two dollars year, invariably in advance.
job printing executed with neatness and
dispatch!" And with this brilliant bust
of elekance the Editor introduced Mr.. ],
Brutus Hinkins, who is sufferin from an
attack of College in a naberin' place. Mr..
Ilinliins said Washington was not safe.
Who can save our national capeetle?
DAN SETCHELL," said. He can do
it afternoons. Let him plant his light
and airy form onto the Long Bridge,
make faces at the hirelin foe, and they'll
all skedaddle! Old SETCH can do It,"
81 call the Napoleon of Showmen,"
said the Editor of the Bugle,-"I call
that Napoleonic man, whose life is
adorned with 80 many noble virtues.
and whose giant mind lights up this
warlike scene-I call him to order"
l will remark, in this connection.
that the Editor of the Bugle does NV lob
printing.
"You," said Mr.. Hinkins, '.who live
away from the busy haunts of men do
not comprehend the magnitood of the
crisis. The busy haunts of men is where
people comprehend this crisis. We who
live in the busy haunts of man, that il
to say, we dwell, as it were, in the busy
haunts Of men,"
II really trust that the gentlman will
not fail to say suthin' about the busy
haunts Of men before he sits down."
said I.
II claim the right to express my senti.
ments here" said Mr.. Hinkins, in a
slightly indignant tone, "and 1 shall
brook no interruption, if 1 am a Soft
more"
"You couldn't be more soft, my young
friend" observed, whereupon there was
cries of "Order order!"
~ regret l can't mingle in this strife
personally" said the young man.
"You might inlist as liberty pole"
said in silvery whisper.
But" he added, II have q voice, and
that voice is for war" The young man
then closed his speech with some st.ikin
and original remarks in relation to the
star-spanglcd banner. He was followed
by the village minister, a very worthy
man indeed, but whose sermons have
tendency to make people sleep pretty in
dustriously
Il am willin' to inlist for one, he said.
Whats your weight, parson?" I
asked.
"A hundred and sixty pounds, he said.
"Well, you can inlist as hundred and
sixty pounds of morphine, your dooty
bein' to staad in the hospitals arter bat
tie, and preach while the surgical opera
tions is bein' perform.i! Think how
much you'd save the COMMENT in NOR
phine.'
He didn't seem to see it; but he made
a good speech, and the editor Of the Bugle |
rose to read the resolutions, as follers:
Resolved, That we view with anxiety
the fact that there is now war goin' on,
and
Resoiced, That we believe Stonewall
jackson sympathizes with the secession
movement, and that we hope the nine
months men
At this point he was interrupted by the |
sounds of silvery footsteps on the stairs,
and party of wimin, carryin' guns and |
led by BETSY JANE, who brandish'd a |
loud and rattlin' umbreller, burst into