Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1891-02-02
A nan.American the fried clam

A pan-American the fried clam.
Carriage and pair: perambulator with
twins.
No man knows what a feather he may
prove till he gets into the wind of temp
tation.
81 am always getting stuck" said the
type Nevertheless, have very good
impression of you," said the paper.
Your handwriting is very bad Eyes;
but' don't you see, if L were to write bet
ter, people would find out how SPELL"
s'What deliciously high mountain =
said Mrs. Shoday. 81 do so love to go up
those mountains. OF course you have an
elevator.
''Why did you yell Hay at the horse
carp" I'm the hope that the horses would
hear me and stop. The driver wouldn't
pay any attention to me-"
Prof. Patterby-Detine the difference
between wit and humor, Mr.. Fresh? Jack
Fresh-Wit is written by the paragraph,
and humor by the column.
You must write a regret, John. l can t
go to the Bronsons dinner" ''Why not?
Didn't your dress Gomez" Yes-but the
dentist hasn't sent my teeth
"When L asked her to marry she began
to shrink like-like flannel shirt. ''Thats
an odd comparison; what do you mean?"
'Just what say. She got up around my
neck
"Witticus is very neighborly person,
isn't hep VERY. His cows eat all my
garden sass, and his dogs dig up my flow
er beds. But Witticus is very nice about
it,"
We sec that several of our cOntempora-
ries are disputing as to which of them
''has had the best article on Milk etc.
The best article we ever ssw on milk was
cream.
''The idea of getting up an elaborate
bathing suit like that, and then not going
into the water!' ''Why that's all right
my dear hubby. This is the suit l take my
sun-bath in
What do you mean,' said the attorney
to the witness, "by saying that the de-
PENDANT has a canine temperament" 81
mean," replied the witness, THAT he
wears an habitual logged look"
Teacher: g Where do we obtain coal,
Freddy?" Freddy: From the cOal-beds,
maam." Teacher: fright. Now Jimmy,
where do we obtain feathers?" Jimmy
'From the feather beds, ma am"
A Kentucky man waited twenty-one
years for Il trial murder, and was then
discharged because all the witnesses were
dead. He felt the suspension, but not so
much as though he had been hung.
''In what part of the body is the liver?"
asked teacher, while she was examining
a class in physiology, and she was good
deal surprised when the tall boy innocent
ly replied: "South of the lungs"
Il wish to see Miss Elder said Mrs.
Fangle, handing card to the door maid.
ashes engaged, mama" replied the girl
"Well now, I've been expecting that for
some time. must go in right away and
congratulate her"
Grocer; Well my little boy, what will
you have?" Fifteen cents worth of mo-
lasses." Grocer Gas he hands the pitcher
over the countef): Where is your mon
ey?" ''In the pitcher. 1 put it there, so as
to be sure not to lose it,"
A quaint writer tells of very good
prayer which was once offered. A brother
was praying with much noise for faith
''soul-saving faith, sn-killing faith, devil
driving faith" There was quaint friend
near him, to whom the noisy brother owed
a large bill. "Amen; and give US a debt
paying faith, too"
A gray hair was tspied among the raven
locks of charming young lady. ''Oh,
pray pull it outl' she exclaimed. 'If
pull it out, ten will come to the funeral, "
replied the lady who made the unwelcome
discovery. "Pluck it out, nevertheless.
said the dark-haired damsel. ''It's of no
consequence how many come to the funer-
AL, provided they all come in black
well, Willie, did you put the ten cents
gave you into the missionary box?'
asked Mrs. Dickinson ''No, l didn't, -
replied Will, very much confused, - as l
was passing Mrs. Taffy's candy store 1
saw her sitting at the window, and she
looked so poor and thin that thought I'd
help her along by buying five cents worth
OF candy. But put all the rest in
Fletcher of Saltourn is well known to
have possessed most irritable temper.
His footman desired TO be dismissed.
why do you desire to leave?" said he.
because, to speak the truth, cannon
bear your temper" Ito he sure, | am
passionate; but my passion is no sooner
on than it's Off. YES" replied the ser
want; s. but it's no sooner off than it's on.