The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1891-03-31
w3Y1Ae DID 8 MARRY.


AHAoot Aaukdaoko StofI ABOUT N AounE
Elan and a Ball.
One Of the most laughable stories Of
o bovine kind that has eyer tickled the
ribs of tt o "only animal that IauRhs.is
the one in which Mike Finck describes
his ride in the natural state" on Dea-
con Smiths Taurus.
We defy q cynic, in fashionable
trowsers, to read it and not burst a but
ton or two off the place to which sus-
penders are hitched. 1t is simply "enor-
NOUS"
Mike took a notion to 90 i'm swim
ming, and he had just got his clothes
of, when he saw Deacon Smiths bull
making at him. The bull was n vicious
animal, and had come very near killing
two or three persons, consequently
Mike felt rather "jubus."
He didn't want to call for help. for
he was naked, and the nearest place
from which assistance could arrive was
the Westinghouse, which was at the
time filed with worshippers, among
whom was the .gal Mike was paying
devotion to- So he lodged the bull as
the animal came at him, and managed
to catch him by the tail.
He was dragged around till he was
nearly dead, and when he thought he
could hold no longer, he made up his
mind that he'd better "holler." And
now we will let him tell his own story.
$50 looking at the matter in all its
bearings, | cum. to the conclusion that
I'd better let some one know whar 1
was. So Igin Il yell louder than a loco
motive whistle. and 1T want long be-
fore l seed the deacon's two dogs a
coming down like as 1t they war see
ing which would get there fust.
N knnwad who fhpv uor orfor y
they'd jine the bull agin me. So seq
j, old brindle, as ridIn, is as cheap as
walking on this route. III you have no
objections, I'll jist take Il deck passage
on that ar back o. yourn.' So / warn't
very long getting astride of him.
"Then. ii you'd been thar, you'd have
sworn thar war nothing human in that
ar mix, the sile flew so orfuliy, us the
~critter and l rolled around the field
one dog on one side, and one on the
other, trying to clinch my feet.
Iprayed and cussed until 1 could not
tell which / did at last-and neither
warn't of no use, they were so orfully
mixed up.
well. Ireckon L rid about half an
hour this way, when old brindle
thought it val time to stop to take in
a supply of wind and cool off a little.
SO when we got around to q tree that
stood thar, he naturally halted. so seq 1,
boy you'll lose one passenger sartin. SO
L jist clum up q branch, kalkalating to
roost till L starved, afore I'd berid round
that ar way any longer.
81 war making tracks for the top OF
the tree, when / heard sumthin' a
maxim AN orful buzzin' overhead. I
kinder looked, and ii thai wasn't
well; thar's no use in swearin'-but it
war the biggest hornets nest ever bilt.
You'll gin in now, | reckon, Mike,
cause thar's no help for you.
"But an idea struck me then that I
stood a heap better chance ridin' the
bull than whar L was. SeZ /, old Teller,
if you'll hold I'll ride to the next sta
tion, anyhow, let that be whar it will.
$50 L jist dropped about him agin'
and looked aloft to see what L had
gained by changin' quarters. and, gen.
a half a bushel Of the stingin' varmints
ready to pitch into me when the word
go was gin.
swell, l reckon they got it, for all
hands started for our company. Some
of them bit the dogs-about a quart
struck me, and the rest charged ON
brindle.
"rhis time the dogs led fust, dead
bent fer the old deac0n's, and as soon
as old brindle and l could get under
way, we followed. and as L was only a
deck passenger, l had nothin' to do
with steerin' the craft; If / had we
shouldn't have run that channel my
how.
"But, as l said before, the dogs took
the lead-brindle and l next and the
hornets directly arter. The dogs yell
lin'-brindle hollerin' and the hornets
buZzin' and Stingin'.
"Well, we had got about two hun
bred yards from the house, and the
deacon heard us and cum out. / seed
him throw up his hand and turn white.
L reckon he was prayin' then, for he
didn't expect to be called for so soon,
and it warn,.t Long neither afore the
whole cpngregration-men, women and
went to yellin'.
"None of 'em had the fust notion
that brindle and L belonged TO this
world. l jist turned my head and
passed the whole congregation. Iseed
the run would be up soon, for brindle
couldn't turn an inch from q fence that
stood dead ahead.
"Well, we reached that fence, and I
went ashore, over the critters head,
landing on the other side, and lay thar
stunned.
III Wafnt long afore sum OF them as
was not SO scared, cum runnin' to whar
| war; for all hands k%alkerlated that
the bull and L belonged together. But
when brindle walked by himself, they
seed how it was, and one Of EN- said
".Mike Finck has got the scummage
once in his life!"
Gentlemen, from that day l dropped
the courtin' dizziness. and never spoke
to a gal since, and when my hunt Is up
on this yearth, thar won't be any Finks,
and its all OWN to Deacon Smiths
brindle bull"
Foil Seventy Feet.