The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1891-07-10
COMEDY ON THE MALL.
What One Hears and Sees Here and There
Among Cappa's Audiences.


Seene-Music pavilion in Central Park.
Cappa's band is playing a Wagnenan Sc
lection. All the benches and standing
room in the vicinity of the pavilion occu-
pied by dense crowd of sweltering hui
manity. An officious park policeman ex-
peiiences much difficulty in keeping the
space clear around the pavilion.
Time-Sunday afternoon.
Fat wife (who is musical enthusiast).
SIT is grand, sublime
Thin husband (who is bored by music,
particularly of the Wagnerian brandt.
Il say, Mariah, why the mischief don
they begin to play? Are they going to
keep on tuning their instruments all the
rest of the afternoon ?"
Fat wife with a severe glance).
"Charles, keep quiet and don't make a
fool of yourself. 1t is the overture 10
'Tannhauser.
A small boy who is standing on bench
and is armed with his fathers cane sees
Cappa motion with his baton to the from
bone to turn loose little more fortisslmo,
goes through the same motions and hlts
an elderly German gentleman, who has
been thrown into an ecstatic trance by
the music, a fearful whack in the eye.
Elderly German Shaking his fist at the
fond moJher). Madam, ven you don't
removes NIT yourself dot unverschaemter
kleiner bengel, den l calls dot polezel-
Observation-Disclosures"
Fond mother (deprecatingly). 81 don't
think Tommy meant any harm"
First dude (who is standing up and
who looks very Englishy), "Aah, say,
old chappie, you have travelled extern
sively in Germany; cawn't you tell me
what a s@ngerbung or something OF the
kind WEAKLY is ?"
Second dude (who is also standing).
OF caws l can, me deah fellah. It's
something they pound into the barrel,
doncher know, to keep the beer in, or
else it's something to keep the beer from
spilling when it comes out. Bah Jove,
Cappa is giving us the Goetterdaemme-
rung."
Park policeman (of Hihornian, de d.,
soent), who evidently mistakes the t1tth
avenue dudes for genuine English cock
neys, but misinterprets Goetterdaemme-
rung)-"It's Pat O'Rafferty who'll tache
yez, We London blaigards, to come over
to this country and use profane Ian
guage in the presence OF ladies
Policeman collars dudes, shakes them
as a terrier does rat, runs them up into
the mall and returns with his head up
and tail feathers spread, so to speak.
Tommy (who has been deprived OF the
cane, sees Cappa spread out his arms so
as to signal to the saxaphone, tubas,
clarinets, piccolos, ETC., to let up little
on the staccato, whereupon he, Tommy
spreads out his arms and with frog-like
gyrations exclaims in high @ voice.:
"Look, nal See me and Cappa swim!"
German gentleman, with Wagnerian
tendencies, casts whitening glance at
Tommy and goes off in disgust, saying:
milne Colt, vat koundry! Vat pee
bles!"
Musical fat woman Ito her husband,
who has an army-sized sheer on his
face). "Ain't it heavenly"
Husband (cynically). 81 guess it's
heavenly. 1T ought TO be. 1t sounds
like thunder. only wish was a tree. "
Wife. "a tree ?'
Husband. "Yes, a tree, so as | could
leave"
A lady and a gentleman, the latter
good looking, and both from the coun-
try, endeavor to push their way through
the crowd so they can get carer the pa
vilion. The gentleman says in a loud
voice, "Can't you squeeze a lady in
there ?" Several gentlemen reply en-
Enthusiastically that they can. Lady goes
in and gets squeezed.
Unmusical husband Ito his wife). "If
music is prophecy of the life to come
all I've got to say is that it predicts a
pretty tough time for us in the future.
i'd rather listen to a man filing saw"
Man in the crowd Ito his wife). 81 say,
Fanny, this feels like being squeezed in
a hay press"
Fanny very complacently), at feels
like breaking in a new corset"
Country girl 10 policeman. "Say,
Mister Officer, can't you find me an
Nempty seat P''
Policeman with engaging smile) "rm
sorry, ine. purity miss, but all the empty
seats are fiNed."
Counter jumper Ito his companion,
probably dressmaher). I've got a
stitch in my side from standing here"
She. CHATS because we are hemmed
in so much by the crowd"
Tommy (pointing to Cappa). See
him trying to kill flies with his stick.
Pa, let me have your cane"
Well-dressed gentleman Ito tough with
plug hat). my friend, this is the third
time you have trod on my corns.n
Tough with intense sarcasm). IF
OATS the case, me old stuff, since youse
so good at figures, mebbe youse had bet
ter be keepin' de score. See ?"
A new policeman perceived two gen
tlemen walking on the grass. He says
to another policeman: watch me, now,
when / teach them lesson Tor trespass-
ing" Second policeman seizes his arm
and says in hoarse whisper: SIS il
crazy that yez are? One of them is a
park commissioner, bedad ~
The music being over, the crowd
slowly dispense, having enjoyed the per-
formace very much.oA. L. Stceet in
Neg York Herald.