Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1891-01-16
JOHN ALIENS FIRST IA " vrorury.
A bad Case Msds Good by n Profound
Opinion from tho classlcs.

JOHN ALIENS FIRST EAw vICTonY.
A Bad Case Mpds Good by n Profound
Opinion from tho classlcs.
=Private John Allen" Of Mississippi,
who became the wit Of the House ~
Representatives with tho death Of Sun
set Cox. tells good story on himself Of
how he came to DO profound lawyer.
A party of members we're telling yarns
in the cloak room OF the House the other
day, and when ALIENS turn came he
told this one:
II want to tell you OF the greatest
legal victory of my life. said Allen, as
he lighted cigar and propped his feet
against the wall i'm true Southern style.
1T was down in Tupelo, during the try
ing period just after the war. 1 was at
that time practising lawyer-that is, 1
praetised whenever had any cases 10
practise with. One day old Uncle POM
psy, one Of the old negroes Of the settle
menr, came into my Office and said:
]'Maps John, wants yeu TO cl'ar me.
Use gwine TO be rested for stealth of two
hams out'en de cross roads store"
well Pempey,' / asked, did you
steal the hams?'
"'Mars John, 1 JUS took 'em.'
"'Did anyone see your asked.
~'Yar, Boss, said the old negro discon-
solately, tive ole white buckra's-'
well, Pempey,' replied, 4 can't
do anything for you under the circum-
staneea'
Nov. Mars John said old Pompey,
heres ten dollars. jist want you to
try
well, I consented to try, said Allen.
Tho case was to be heard before an old
magistrate named johnson. He was
totally uneducated, and was moreover u
perfect dictator, and no negro came be-
fore him who was not fined the maxi
mum penalty and sent to his field to ex-
plate the crime ia the sweat Of his brow.
1.-The magistrate heard the case. Every
possible proof was brought to show that
POmpev stole the hams. There could be
no doubt Of 1t from the testimony. l did
not put single question to any Of the
witnesses, but when the testimony was
all in. j arose, and in my most dignitied
manner addressed the magistrate:
May it please your honor, it would
be useless for me to argue the position
lie holds, aud before one who would
adsrn the Superior if not the Supreme
Court bench of this grand old Common
wealth. And / may say that those who
know yeu best say that you would even
grace the Supreme Court of the United
States, the highest tribunal in the land.
1t viii be useless to dwell upon the tes-
timony. You have heard it, and know
the case as well as l do. However il
may not be cut Of order for me to call
your honor's attention to q short passage
in the old English law, which clearly
decides this case, and which for the
moment, your Honor may have forgot
tom
"Then / fished down into my pocket
and drew forth ith great flourish. AN
old copy of Julius Cesar opened it
10 the frat page and read the line which
is familiar to every schoolboy. 'Omnia
Calm In parties tres divisa est That
decides the case said l. throwing the
book upon the table. That clearly ac-
quits the defendant
with great dignity and solemnity I
then teek my seat The old magistrate
was completely nonplussed. He looked
at me for a moment quizzically and
scratched his head. Then turning to
Pompey, he raised himself to his full
height and said
"'Pompey, I know You stole them
hams but by the ingenuity of your
lawyer I've got to let you go Git out
said he, as lie planted his No. 8 in tho
seat Of Ponipey's pants, and if you
ever come here again, lawyer or no
lawyer, you'll git six months