The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1891-04-01
WHY He DID NOT MARRY.
4 Most Laugh chabIn Story About Young
Man and L Bull.

One Of the most laughable stories Of
a bovine lind that has ever tlckled the
ribs Of tae "oHiy animal that laughs is
the one in which Nike Finck describes
his ride in the natural state. on Dea-
con Smiths Taurus.
We defy cynic, in fashionable
troWsers, to read it and not burst but
ton or two off the place to which sus-
penders are hitched. 1t is simply "enor-
NOUS.
Mike look notion to go in SWIM
ming, and he had just got his clothes
off, when he saw Deacon Smiths bull
making at him. The bull was vicious
animal, and had come very near killing
two or three persons, consequently
Mike felt rather "jubus.
lie didn't want to Call for help, for
he was naked, ani the nearest place
from which assistance could arrive was
the Westinghouse, which was at the
time filled with worshippers, among
whom was the gal Mike was paying
devotion tc." So he lodged the bull as
the animal came at him, and managed
to catch him 10y the tail.
He was dragged around till he was
nearly dead, and when he thought he
could hold no longer, he made up his
mind that he'd better 'holltr. And
now we will let him tell his own story
so looking at the matter in al. its
bearings, cum to the conclusion that
I'd better let some one know whar l
was. So gin yell louder than loco
motive whistle, and it want long: be-
fore | seed the deacon's two dogs a
coming down like as ii they war see
ing which would get there fust.
II knowed who they war arter-
they'd jine the bull agin me. SO, sez
|. old brindle, as ridln, is as cheap as
walking on this route, If you have no
objections, I'll jist take a deck passage
on that ar back O yourn. So | warn't
very long getting astride Of him.
'.Then. il you'd been thar: you'd have
sworn thar war nothing human IN that
ar mix, the sile flew so orfully: as the
critter and l rolled around the field
one dog on one side, and one on the
other, trying to cllnch my feet.
PRAYED and cussed until l could not
tell which | did at last-and neither
warn'C Of no use, they were so orfully
mixed up.
"Well. | reckon l rid about half an
hour this way, when old brlndle
thought it war time to stop to take n
supply of wind and cool eff a little.
SO when we got around to a tree that
stood thar, he naturally halted. SO seZ |,
boy you'll lose one passenger sartln. SO
list clum up a branch, kalkalatlng to
roost till I starved, afore I'd be rid round
that ar way any longer.
81 war making tracks for the top OF
the tree, when | heard Sumthln' a
maxim an orful buZzin' overhead. l
kinder looked, and ii thar wasn't
well: thar'S no use in swearin'-but 1t
war the biggest hornets nest ever bllt.
Youll gin in now, l reckon, Mike,
cause thar's no help for you.
"But an idea struck me then that l
stood heap better chance ridln' the
bull than whar | was. SeZ |, Old teller.
if you'll hold III ride to the next Sta
ton, anyhow, let that be Whar 1t Will.
so l :iist dropped about him agln'
and looked alofG to see what l had
gained by changin' quarters, and, gen
tlemen, am Liar if thar wasn't nigh
a half bushe OF the stingin' varmints
ready to pitch into me when the word
go was gin. >,
"Well, I reckon they got it, for all
hands started for our company. Some
of them bit the dogs-about a quart
struck me, and the rest charged on
hrindle.
"rhis time the dogs led fust. dead
bent fer the old deacon's, and as soon
as old brindle and l could get under
way, we followed. and as | was only a
deck passenger, l had nothln' to do
with steerin' the craft; ii l had we
shouldn't have run that channel any
how.
But, as I said before, the dogs TOOK
the lead-bIindle and l next and the
hornets directly arter. The dogs yel-
lin'-brindle hollerin' and the hornets
buzzin' and stingin'.
"WelI, we had got about two hun
dred yards from the house, and the
deacon heard us and cum out. seed
him throw up his hand and turn white.
| reckon he was prayin' then, for he
didn't expect to be called for so sooD,
and it warn't long neither afore the
whole congregration-men, women and
childreu-cum out and then ali hands
went to yellin'.
"None of 'em had the fust notion
that brindle and 1 belonged to this
world. l jist turned my head and
passed the whole congregation. 1seed
the run would be up soon, for brlndle
couldn't turn an inch from fence that
stood dead ahead.
"Well, we reached that fence, and |
went ashore, over the critters head,
landing on the other side. and lay thar
stunned.
1t warn't long afo:e sum of them as
was not so scared. cum runnin' to whar
| war; for all hands kalkerlated that
the bull and l belonged together: But
when brindle walked by himself, they
seed how it was, and one OF 'em said
mike Finck has got the scummage
once in his life!"
"Gentlemen, from that day dropped
the courtin' biziness. and never spoke
to gal since, and when my hunt is up
on this yearth, thar won't be any Finks,
and its al OWN TO Deacon Smiths
6rindle bull