Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1891-04-12
HOW TO COURT A WIFE.
IL f. Not the Same Thing rs Counting Q
Maid, as Pohelmus Ably Dem onstrates.
tChicago Tribune


[Chicago Tribunel
Polhemus Diltz set his lips firmly to-
eetber, buttoned his coat, and started Tor
homo. 49,,
1T was as much my fault as hers" he
muttered. THAT when | went home the
other day with the idea of counting my
wife didn't seem to succeed. / ought to
have known better than to bother her
when che was picking the pin feathers on
an old hen and Bridget was taking an
afternoon off. l won't make blunder
like that again."
About half an hour afterward MIR. Diltzl
entered the family mansion. he found
Mrs. Diltz in the sitting room. Merely re-
marking that it was a chilly day he threw
package carelessly into the tire that
burned brightly in the crate. ,
"What is that, Polhemus?" inquired
Mrs. Diltz, somewhat sharply. =,
Nothing but my pipe and cigar-case,
he replied with q yawn. "Pye sworn on
from smoking"
Mrs. Diltz looked pleased, but said no.
TT will save me at least 500 yearl
Mary Jane" observed Polhemus with az
other yawn, as he walked aimlessly about
the room with his hands in his pockets.
land the habits nuisance anyhow
Ppm glad you've OUTFIT you'll only stay
quit"
Mr.. Diltz continued his aimless walk
about the room. Presently he brought up
in front of small closet that he had been
in the habit of hanging his smoking cap
and smoking-jacke IN. He opened it,
took these garments out, and inspected
them.
make clean job of it. I'll hang these
things in the wood-shed, and the next
tramp that comes along can have them.
You can use this closet for anything you
like. Seems to me-" continued Mr.. Diltz,
resuming his nonchalant walk about the
room and extending his stroll into the room
adjoining, I'VE don't have more than about
half enough closets in this house. If l
were building house for human beings to
live in I'd put in fifty of 'em. Now, here's
a place under this stairway where l could
have a good large closet made. suppose
you'd object to it, though"
mo, | wouldn't" responded Mrs. Diltz,
warmly. lit would just suit me, Polhe-
well, I'll have it done" And Polhe-
mus kept on yawning and strolling leisure
ly through the rooms.
There are half dozen other places"
ventured his wife, somewhat timidly,
"where l should like to have closets built
or shelves put up, while you're about 1t. u
"All right. You can have all you want"
Mrs. Diltz went behind door and Rugged
herself. Mr.. DiltZ continued to walk about
unconcernedly.
What-what would you like for dinner
this evening, Polhemus?"
Anything, Mary UNDERWRITING. /
don't know but I'd like some hot biscuits,
only"
"Only what?"
Bridget doesn'tknow how to make good
biscuit"
"Why, Polhemusl Do you like my bis
cults better than Bridget's?"
"Inever eat anybody's biscuits but yours
il / can helpit."
"Oh, Polhemusl"
Mrs. Diltz came nearer to her husband.
For the first time in eleven years she threw
her arms about his neck--but nobody has
any business to be intruding here. Please
retire.
at isn't such laundering hard lob,
even for O married rhinoceros of eleven
years standing, to court his wife IL he only
knows how to go at it right said NIL
Diltz TO himself as he went about the
house the same evening at a late hour lock-
ing up things for the night.