The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1891-01-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

The survival of the fittest is the doc
trine that always wins in a dog fight.
--Rdna's Horn.
The man who has never been dis
satisfied can never realize content
ment.-Elnsira Gazette.
Primus-''D Does he foot his wife's
billsp" Secundus = 1--we seen him
kick at them. ."-Epoch.
These courtships by telegraph may
be properly called sparks from the
wires. s.-iSan Francisco Atta.
When a woman goes to invest in
sealskins she soon relies that $50 will
not go fur.-Boston Herald.
1t brings JOY to the heart of Anthony
Comstock to read about a ship skirt
ing bare headland.-Boston Courier
In order to stand up under misfor-
tune it frequently becomes necessary
to stand up ones friends.-Teras Sitt-
issgs.
Ireland's peasants need not be so
down-hearted. Adam and Eve COM
menced life with an eviction Boston
TraUeIler.
Young Jiggers is not wholly bad"
mo, there are several styles of wick
edness he has not heard of yet.-hsdian-
GpoLis Journal.
He Q1:55 p. al declare, the
lamp is going out" She-Yes; the
lamp seems to have some idea of time"
-HGrpeq's Bazar.
He-'I always pay as I 60" She
(yawning)-''Well, how is it that when
you are paying attention you never
go?"-N Y. Herald.
She-"What do you suppose has
taken all the color of her cheeks?"
Heller husbands nose, l should
think. ."-Murasey's Weekly.
The most dreaded result of the In
dian excitement is the revival of all
Sioux-perannuated jokes on that sub
iect.-P Philadelphia Times.
First Literary You've
been stealing my ideas" Second Lit
erary Character THAT'S all right,
couldn't sell them. Epoch.
As rule. the young husband is will
ing to join his wife's church, but it is
his privilege to tix the political status
of the family.-Dalias NeaOS.
do you belong to the church," in
quired the clergyman of the janitor.
NO" replied the janitor, ''the church
belongs to me."-M Y. Sun.
'.Does the cellar leakP" mo. It's
had two feet of water in it ever since
I've been in the house. Not drop
has got out. "-Haaper's Bdzar.
When a man dies who never did
good thing during all his life it is the
customary thing to talk of the charita-
III hn in
Globe.
An Irishman wrote home to his
friends over the briny that in this
blessed land everybody is so honest
reward has to be offered for thieves
RAMS Horn.
'sDo you believe in cures effected by
the laying on of hands?n Il certainly
do. There is nothing like spanking
to make child behave himself. y
Manseys Weekly.
why do they call the boys in the
galleries the gods, Mr.. Tragedicus?n
TO distinguish them from the devils
who sit in the orchestra chairs and
write criticisms. ."-BOston Courier.
Bingo- Dear me, I'm tired. My
wife got me up at 6 o'clock this morn
ing" Kingley-''What did she get
you up SO early forPn Bingo-''She
wanted to catch the noon train. IN
Y. San.
Turning down the upper corners of
the yisiting-card signifies visite and
felicitation; the lower corners congo
and coincidence. Both styles are in
appropriate Congressional use Wash
iaagton Post
81 wonder if that man reads my
articles before he rejects them" re-
marked writer. Il suppose re-
sponded his non-admiring friend, ''you
want the comfort of revenge. WASH
isgto,s Post.
Wooden (reading the athletic col
umn)-'Just think of this! Here's a
fellow that jumped twenty-five feet"
Edgely-'O, that's nothing. l once
knew fellow that jumped the State. "
Boston Courier.
Sanso-''When I was in China-'
Rodd-'1 never knew you had been
in China" Sanso-'I was once when
/ was in college. 1 was jammed
through the earth in football tackle. "
N = Herald.
Jaysmith-"C you oblige me with
a ten-dollar bill?" Gargoyle-''The
obligation is yours" Jaysmith (pleas-
ed)-"You flatter me.n Gargoyle-
You misunderstood. You oblige me
to refuse. West Shore.
Hicks-'I suppose after those In.
dians have finished their dancing
they'll go to scalping." Wicks-''Yes
and just as it is with the paleface bal
let you'll find the bald heads at the
front. .'-Boston Transcript.
Customer purchasing fountain
pen)-"What's this it is wrapped VI
inP" Clerk-"That, sir, is tract. Read
it and it may counteract the terrible
effect on you caused by swearing a
the pen. ."-Boston IraUelLer.
Sanso = Il have been lecturin
through the country for the las
couple of months" Rodd = s'Um
well, old man, I'm awfullv sorry, bu
lent my last flyer to Brown abou
ten minutes ago."-M Y. Herald.
ITS a most remarkable thing" sale
Smithers, "but never set foot in tina
place without there being very dis
agreeable person inside" And Smith
ers wondered why his friend laughed
so Internally much.-M 7. Press.
Mrs Watts-"For all the smart talk
about women's curiosity, the men are
just as bad" Mrs. Potts-''Yes, in
deed. He never gives me dollar
without wanting to know all abou
what l intend TO do with it."-Ia5diu7a
dpolts Journal.
Have you noticed what a vas
quantity of information old Simpel ha
acquired during the last several days?
Yes. 1t is easily accounted for. Hi
15-year old son returned from board
ing-school last week for short visit
-Norristo0a Herald
Miss Nestle-"Are you interested i
the language of flowers, Mr.. Appolis?
Mr.. Appolis (of st. PauD-'1 shoul
say was! Spring wheat, longs al
shorts, staple brands an millin' ma
chinery is my pet hobbies. Seen then
patent bags for packin'P' 'P''-Jmdge.
is that colored woman coming t