Telegram-herald. ([Grand Rapids, Mich.) 18??-1892, 1891-06-14
WHY EDITORS GIT GRAY
Newspaper Poets, Their Innocence
and Their Guile
TYPES OF THIS RAsEfuL SPECIES
The Cnsophistiestea Coontry Girl. the
Waybaek Preacher and the Cora
screwed spipstsr-Jhe Way They
Work Their Victims.

achronlsn, but the species, however out
of place, has not yet become extinct.
Now and then one appears, who has q
spark OF the divine afilatus within his
or her tender bosom, but II shoulders
under s,ich nausesting heap OF sentl-
mental garbage that II fails to klndle
any responsive flame IN the hearts Of
the readers. Generally speaking poe
try Is sort of safety valve for dis
eased imagination. The young school
girl makes 4 so emn vow Ia cease
chewing gum She ceases, but norm
bic craving possesses her and for relief
she takes 10 rhyming. She vslks INTO
the cockroachy sanctum with . mine
ing air and seems surprised at the sur
| roundings OF the place. Instead OF
luxuriously furnish Ell apartments, rich
dlvans. moquette carpets and ioun-
taIns playing perfume, she sees bare
floor covered with litter; rlckety chairs
and Rheumatic tables while here and
there surcharged cuspidore eepscoyly
from beneath ragged pile OF papers. The
situation surprises, but doesn't phase
her. From that cavernous mystery, a
perfumed note paper covered on both
sides with microscopic scribbling. Then
she moves up TO the editor with lis
some, siding motion, like that of a
porker about to engage All adversary,
and coughs To attract his attention.
She expected to find dudish person
age with polished air. The man Sit
ting at the table. with a cob pipe IN his
mouth, is a shock headed rascal with
large, spreading ears. He sits IN his
shirt sleeves driving away like mad
with his pencil, and pays no attention
to her.
Her Gratuitous Offer.
'If you please" she says, plaintively.
81 have 4 dear little pome here that
thought you might want to publish; l
won't charge you anything for it," The
editor looks at her like hungry wolf
| and snarls out "What's thatY" She
repeats her statement and he snorts
| coldly and Contemptuously: Don't
want it; got more'n ten barrels Of such
| truck IN the basement"
The sensitive mouth trembles, and a
| tear steals down the gentle maiden's
| cheek and falls with faint splash upon
! the edge of the editors table. The OBJ
| durate man sees that he is n brute, and
| relents. 81 don't want You to feel
hurt, but you see have so many blast
| ed old maids running in here with hog
washy rot that get out of patience.
! What's this stuff of yours about-love,
| your grandmother grave, the drunk
| ards dream, or something OF that
| sort"'
"Well." she hesitahngly replies, 81
can't exactly describe it. It's q sad
little thing, full of pathOs and pictures
OF home lire on the farm. I'd like to
have you read it; know you'd enjoy
it," She is rather Il pretty girl, and he
takes her manuscript with a smile such
as martyrs assume when the fire begins
| to SINCE them. He untles the blue rib
| bon and begins to read, while the con-
| fident poetess looks over his shoulder.
! oh I'm all alone in my chamber now
| And nobody cares clam If l am.
While my golden head I'm grief bow
Poor mother is trying some ham.
The dshpan falls with solemn bang
| And rolls on the kitchen floor.
| And weep and wall Tor our big hired ma
| Who will never come back any more.
| gaze far away DER the barnyard fence
| Where father Is killing hog.
Aud long for the days forever gone hence
| Before William got drowned in the bog
Three Verses Are Enough.
There are thirty-seven other verses,
but he does not read them. He gives
the girl frenzIed look and then grabs
a big club that has been standing IN the
| corner. When the club descends the
maiden has fled. They always escape.
but the editors HAIR turns prematurely
| gray. Such scenes rs these stamp
wrinkles upon his brow, and make hini
sour and cranky.
The most exasperatlng poet is the
| country preacher who attacks the phil
osophy of Spencer, Darwin and other
| intellectual giants, IN blank verse. This
man is out OF sight and reach, and il is
well for him that he Is; but his frequent
contributions and bls letters asking for
| the return OF manuscript that has gone
| into the furnace are a constant annoy
ance. His attitude is as full of comic
dignity as that OF a pug puppy and his
efforts remind one of the feroclous at
tack of mosquito upon a sleeping
elephant.
The TYPICAL newspaper poet is a lady
/ OF uncertain age. She has feeble,
piping voice and wears n wilderness of
! crokscrew curls. THIS poor little crea-
ture seems to have tasted every cup of
woe except matrimony. Although
somewhat crushed by adversely she Is
| still kicking. The delicate rose tints
have deserted her cheeks and have con-
ccntrated themselves in her nose, while
! her sad, wIs:ful eyes look out upon the
world through gold bowed spectscles.
| She is an artistic IN the way of working
editors. Ii.i gentle. unsssuming man
/ neT disarms common brutality, 50 that
| her victim must exercise all has lngen-
/ uitv to stave her of. Arrived at the
sanctum she dovs not plunge into diff
/ cuities at once. but site down to see
how the land hes.
The Why an Artistic works Him.
When the editor has n moment Of
I leisure she INTRODUCES herself IN lady.
I Ike way. saws that she " an ardent adj
mirer Of the paper ss newspaper. and
/ heartily cominends lts editorial policy
/ his KIND of taffy iicsies the editor.
/ the stern lines about his lantern Jaws re-
/ lar into smile and she feeds him An
other chunk. In few minutes she .
/ throwing y into him hy hescoopfui- HIs
/ smile spreads 20 has ears ana around
/ the hact Of las neck until The top of bIs
/ head hsccfaes pTocarions peninsula n
imminent DANCE ~ becominqsn island.
he editor teeis thss. At last his efnrss
/ are appreciated and that his years
~ midnight work aad worry have.
not been ~ raln The poetess makes
her strong hold upcn me editor douhiy
strong ~ trgttine nHt two ~ ,hres
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